new rgg fans will never know what they missed back in ye olden days of the fandom (like, 2019), doubly so now that scott strichart's deleted his twitter and jon riesenbach's privated. twitter was so fucking fun and then whatever-the-hell at sega of america happened and caused a fucking snowball effect and now we have shitass localization and resulting discourse that makes every release nigh unbearable, misinformation, confusion, people complaining about "bad writing/mischaracterization" not realizing it's because of the shitass english loc, i'm sitting here like jesus christ these loc bitches massacred saejima's character voice, people will never see him as he was intended, as original yakuza 5 localization Correctly painted him, and now they're coming for kiryu. god help us. we used to be a proper fandom. before everyone was subjected to the remastered localizations and shaky eng characterization. no one had even played yakuza 3-5, people still called morning glory "sunshine" orphanage, kiryu was our only protagonist and people still called him "boring", it was beautiful...
anyway gaiden uses affective instead of effective because the current localization team is full of careless dumbasses who don't give a fuck about ensuring they're using correct english grammar and this is not an isolated incident
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sorry to keep harping on it but . literally just in general i want to do more plotted stuff. i kinda discussed this in private w/ a mutual and was feeling on the fence as whether or not i would actually Say anything but like. i do reblog memes fairly often because tbh i like to hoard them in my inbox - sometimes i use them as little warm-ups or segues into doing Important Character Moments. but i think part of the reason for my fluctuating muse is just . an overwhelming amount of "wing it and see what happens" threads. i like those a lot! i really enjoy them! but theyre hard to end because it's like . there's no plan for the thread and they tend to peter out and lose momentum. like my most recent roleplay experience was discord warrior cats rp ( i know i said we werent gonna talk about it but we are actually ) and like. everything was plotted out, at least for me. like if i was writing a thread with someone we had already discussed in advance the goals of the scene and what we wanted out of it ( even if it was something as simple as "the clan is starving and we need to catch stuff, they can have a little chat while we're doing that )
so its been very weird for me to do like . the complete opposite of that. and ik this is my fault for not communicating what im looking for in roleplay but im. doing it now. hand gestures. i am going to do my best to make sure i wrap up everything ive got going on right now but in the future i really am going to try to do more plotted stuff. cos. im. i can tell it's affecting my motivation to write and it's a little :(
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so last wednesday was quite special bc my bf & i got to hang out with kronomuzik, pandrezz & ronare, who are actual famous people (and i do mean famous, these guys are known by both youtube and twitch stars, they've filled the Olympia in Paris etc) and bc bob is friends with krono and they were in Toulouse this week, we joined them for a few drinks, which turned into clubbing and walking them home early in the morning. i didnt take a single picture bc i was too afraid of looking like a groupie (when in reality i dont even listen to their music lol) but it was a really nice night, all three of them were so fun and friendly and tbh it's all ive been thinking about these past few days, i just wanna do it again but i know i can't bc they're busy and famous and live in paris and so many other reasons and basically this was probably a once in a lifetime thing but it's hard to wrap my noodle around it bc it all felt so effortless, we were all v comfortable around each other and really partied like we'd known each other for years so yeah kinda hard to go back to the reality where we don't know them but 🤷♀️
(here's one of their tunes, they each have solo careers but lately they've been working on their joint project called ZZCCMXTP (pronounced zizi caca mixtape) which literally means "peepee-poop-mixtape" lol and still sold out one of the biggest venues in france and features major twitch streamers and youtubers)(and this track in particular makes sense here bc it directly refers to the bar where they met in toulouse which is actually where we joined them last wednesday hehe)
BUT THAT'S NOT EVEN THE POINT OF THIS POST ACTUALLY 🥲
my point was that ronare asked us what we did for a living (actually it was 4am, the club was closing and he asked us if we worked tomorrow, which made me laugh a lot) and when we said twitch and he asked what we did, Bob said "mostly gaming" and Ronare said "yeah..." kinda like he was disappointed by that boring answer bc duh everyone streams video games and when Bob kept going "but I also host interviews around cinema and the movies that make us" ronare was interested again and he said Bob was right to focus on a passion and to have something that makes him stand out and that bring people to his channel *other than video games*
and i've been overthinking abt this conversation since then bc i've been streaming for well over a year now and i still dont have that. i just play my silly games, struggle to keep my 3 viewers' attention, and feel like crap afterwards bc i can tell im not funny or interesting or anything different than the thousands of ppl who desperately try to make it on twitch........and on top of my abyssal sense of showmanship, i dont even have that one special concept that people can remember me for. im literally just another face in the crowd... and so ive been desperately trying to figure out wtf i should do, trying to find a valid, solid idea, a concept, anything and the more i think the more i feel bad for not finding anything. i feel so stupid for not being able to come up with anything. im literally so uncreative it hurts, i bore my own self, how the fuck am i supposed to entertain anyone? and then i start spiralling bc what if i can't make it? what if i have to, or chose to quit twitch? what the fuck am i going to do w myself? wtf is going to happen w bob? bc i did move here so we could stream as a team, so if i don't stream anymore, what will he think? will he still want to be w me?
and instead of using it as fuel to motivate me to move past it and force myself not to be this pathetic, i just panic and freeze and start crying in private, convinced once again that im good for nothing. yay!!
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logged in to fb to do my yearly "deactivate in time for my birthday so that i don't get the attention", didn't get sweats and heart racing palpitations from logging in to fb.
i still have a phobia of that site and of talking to my friends online. they've been worrying. i don't want them to worry. i want them back. i'm just relieved they've still stuck around and not deserted me for my poor choices (not communicating online because of my phobia)
i'm going to tell them soon where else to get a hold of me it's the right time
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