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unreleasedwrites · 9 months

Text

Bike Riding

“Hold onto me tight, that way you’ll be less scared.”

summary: Your boyfriend offers to pick you up from your workplace. Sure, this wouldn’t be the first time he’s done this, yet you cant help but be quite surprised whenever you receive a text or two from his number just a quarter till your shift is over, offering you a ride home or to his place. Knowing both of your busy schedules, the both of you tend to spend a lot of time apart from one another, so upon seeing his text pop up into your phone notifications, you happily accepted. Usually, you’d see him parking his car upfront, just around 5 minutes away from the end of your shift. But today was a little different.

character(s) included: Jonggun Park x fem!reader

cw: SLIGHTLY suggestive, Gun being pretty soft towards reader, a curse word or two, Gun and reader have been dating for a while, use of y/n, pet names, backpacking iykwim, the 1st part is more on first person pov but it switches to second person pov once gun arrives, this whole thing is surprisingly and unintentionally long, there are a few linked words you should click to get a better understanding of whats going on, and this is the first ever fic ive written 👍👍

unwrapped on: Tuesday Evening, July 18 2023

wrapped up on: Thursday Afternoon, July 20 2023

published on: Thursday Afternoon, July 20 2023 (at around 4 PM)

“Alright, would you like some napkins with your order, Sir?”

I kindly asked the customer standing in front of our pickup counter as i carefully secured the two frappuccinos he ordered in a beverage carrier then put it in our signature paper bag along with two straws and his receipt.

“Oh uh, no thanks, but you have a good night!” He replied as he grabbed the paper bag.

“Alright then, You have a good night too, Sir.” I said with the sweet smile i usually give the customers.

He smiled back at me right before he walked out of the store.

Taking a quick look at my watch, I realized its 8:27 pm. Theres about an hour till closing time. I give one of the baristas a heads-up before i leave my station to do some cleaning.

Before I got to cleaning, i turned the “We Are Open!” sign to its other side in order to signify that we’re closing up for the day. Normally, I would wait until there are only around fifteen to twenty minutes left, but the store was filled to the brim, and it’d be hard to accommodate any more customers. For as long as I can remember, its always been this way whenever its Friday, considering its the second busiest day of the week for us.

I’m tidying up some of the empty tables, while the remaining three employees of today are shuffling from working the register to making drinks, and serving orders.

*bzz bzz* Despite my phone being in my pocket, I felt its sudden vibration, which was strange, considering i have “Do Not Disturb” turned on most of the time. However I can recall a certain someone, which is Gun, who found out about how i always have that feature on as well as how my notifications are always turned off. Which is why, push notifications have been turned on for all of his messages, and all possible digital connections he might have with me ever since.

I took my phone out of my pocket, and i saw that it was 8:42 pm.

“Dang, time really does feel like its at it’s slowest when you’re having no fun..” I thought to myself.

I quickly unlocked my phone so that i could view the notification.

Notifications —

🔫 sent you a message. 8:41 pm

🔫 sent you a message. 8:42 pm

🔫 sent you an attachment. 8:42 pm

🔫 sent you a message. now

🔫 is currently typing… now

I looked at my phone with slight confusion, which was very visible from the look on my face. Gun isn’t usually the type to keep sending messages, he’d normally wait till i answer the first two or three then we’d keep the conversation going. But to my surprise, he still hasn’t stopped sending text messages, and he has even sent a few more pictures. I thought there’d have to be some sort of emergency or there might be something he needs, but upon reading his text messages, that wasn’t it.

🔫

8:41 pm you done working yet?? :(

8:42 pm Can I pick you up from work so we can spend the night at my place? ;)

8:42 pm *picture of a slightly beat up and angry goo sitting on what looks to be the couch at his and goo’s place, holding an ice pack to his nose, because him and gun don’t always manage to make the dreamwork in their teamwork*

8:42 pm u there??

8:42 pm i beat up goo to make sure he wont bother us again like last time

8:42 pm so u better not be upset abt that anymore

8:42 pm if u still are, i can and will make it up to you

8:43 pm if yk what i mean

8:43 pm *picture of your shared bedroom at their place*

8:44 pm *picture of a bunch of your favorite snacks on top of their kitchen counter, with goo visibly sneaking up to the said counter*

8:44 pm *picture of goo taking one of the said snacks*

8:44 pm *picture of goo making a run for it*

8:44 pm *picture of what looks to be gun’s point of view as hes chasing goo*

8:48 pm dw abt him

8:49 pm [now] its 8:49 in the evening, can you get off of your so called shift at 9:10 instead of 9:30 ??

“Y/N, are you alright? You’ve just been staring at your phone for the past few minutes, with an occasional smile while you’re scrolling through your screen..” One of the workers who is my friend said.

“Yeah, sorry, my boyfriend was just texting me.. I appreciate your concern though, f/n.” I quickly looked up from my phone as i spoke to her with a nervous yet sweet smile.

I was a bit startled when she approached me, holding a broomstick. But, she’s right, I’ve been staring at my phone for the past 7 minutes now, just waiting to see what hes typing and what chaotic pictures he’ll be sending. To make it worse, I wasn’t even responding to his messages, just staring. Although upon seeing the four minute gap between the last picture he sent and the message he sent at 8:48 pm made me wonder what might’ve went down between him and goo in those few minutes.

The employee who approached me is one of my close friends, she’s very sympathetic and trustworthy towards most people, especially her friends. Normally, I wouldn’t mention whether it was my boyfriend who i was speaking to or not, as it isn’t any of their business nor is it their concern. But since I’m close to the person who approached me, I did.

However, I don’t want to be the kind of person who makes their entire life about their relationship, and i wouldn’t want to be the one rubbing it in peoples face that i’m in one. But this specific friend of mine has been in a healthy relationship since we were both fifteen, meanwhile we are both turning nineteen soon. Therefore, I’m very comfortable talking to her about Gun, she seems to give pretty good advice anyway. So i don’t see any harm in doing so.

She approached me while I was cleaning the table in the corner, so we walked back to the counter together, while we chatted about our boyfriends.

Once we arrived, I took a few steps closer to the other employees,

“By the way, would you guys be alright with me leaving a bit earlier today, at around 9:10?” I nervously asked. Sure, this wouldn’t be the first time i’ve asked them if it were alright if i left early, yet i still get nervous doing so every time.

Among the three of them, none of them seemed to mind, instead, they were teasing me about my boyfriend, Gun. They even told me how I was starting to blush at even the slightest mentions of him and me together. I was a bit flustered but i just laughed it off and left the counter to finish up cleaning.

More customers were starting to exit the cafe few by few, however there were still plenty of people in the store. I started cleaning up the tables that were recently used by customers, aswell as tidying up the chairs and sweeping crumbs off of the floor.

Once I finished cleaning all the empty tables, I assisted my friend by serving a few more orders to customers in the pickup area, then i put away my cleaning materials into the workers closet, untied my apron, folded it neatly, then placed it inside of the workers closet.

Only now did I realize that i never responded to any of my boyfriends messages. I quickly grabbed my phone out of my pocket and started typing. I wasn’t really sure how i was supposed to respond especially since i only now realized its already 9:06 pm after leaving him on seen for so long, so i decided to just keep it simple.

You

now sure, oh and fyi i’m still upset

Gun only reacted with a “😒” to my message, so i ended up responding with a “😒😒” as well. Just about a few seconds later, he ended up sending me another few messages saying,

“ive been omw since like 12 minutes ago”

“even if you were rude and left me on seen for so long”

“but ill be there in like”

“2 mins”

“bitch”

I think he might be a lil angry about the fact i left him on seen for so long, considering he knows i don’t like being called a bitch.

Because of that, I just left him on seen again!

But he was quick to realize that I’m just gonna ignore him because of it, which is why he immediately sent a few more messages again.

“no wait im sorry”

“I didn’t mean it i swear”

“don’t ignore me”

“hey”

“:(”

I felt kinda bad but i just kept on ignoring his messages cause i’m petty asf.

Just about a minute passed after that, and he sent me another two messages.

“I’m here, come out”

“hurry up unless you want me to leave you”

I informed my co-workers before i left the store and waved them a small goodbye with a smile. They smiled and waved back, and i walked towards the door. I looked around the parking lot while I stood in front of the store, but I couldn’t see any of the cars i knew Gun owned. So I took my phone out to call him, but before I could even unlock it, I heard a familiar voice.

“Y/N? Do you seriously need me to come find you every time?” Gun scoffs as he walks closer to you.

“Hey, that was one time, let it go already, would ya?” you argue while putting your phone back inside your pocket.

“Well then, why is there a second time happening as we speak?” Gun states with that confident smirk on his face again.

“Well-” But before you could even finish whatever it was that you were going to say, Gun grabs your hand and looks at you.

“Never mind your stupid excuses, its late so we should get going.”

You guys walk while holding hands, which isn’t a very common occurrence when you’re in public considering Gun doesn’t want to put you in danger because you’re easily a great target for his enemies because of his “work,” which in this scenario he doesn’t tell you much about. But what really surprised you was that he was wearing gloves. “Why would he need gloves when he’s driving a car?” you thought to yourself.

You noticed that you guys are walking towards the parking area for motorcycles which confuses you, but knowing how unpredictable your boyfriend can be, you choose not to question it. That was until you noticed a familiar motorbike you knew Gun specifically owned. You didn’t think much of it, you simply assumed it could be someone else’s.

That was until Gun let go of your hand when you stopped in front of that same motorbike. He handed you a helmet with your name on it. It was matching with the helmet that he would typically wear when he’d hop on his bike. He quickly put his helmet on then got on the motorbike and looked at you. You were just standing there, holding the helmet with both your hands, nervous. Gun’s eyes moved from your eyes to the helmet you’re holding.

“Do you not like it or something? I can get you a new one if its that bad, but I really thought you’d like the design. I had it custom made to what I knew you liked, or atleast I thought so.”

“That’s thoughtful” You genuinely thought to yourself before hesitantly speaking.“Its not that, its just..”

Your boyfriend’s brow rose in confusion, knowing his very limited patience, he’s obviously waiting for a continuation of your response.

“Well?”

“I’ve never rode on a motorbike before, and its been a good while since i’ve even rode an actual bicycle..” You said. You’re quite afraid of what his response might be, as your boyfriend tends to have drastic mood changes from even the slightest of things that don’t please him.

Yet surprisingly, he got off of the motorbike and went to the other side of it, leaving the motorcycle in between the both of you. He reached his hand out to you. Not knowing a thing about motorcycles or what your boyfriend might do, you grabbed his hand. You weren’t sure how the hell were even supposed to get on the motorcycle, so you just tilted you head at him.

“Get on, I’ll hold you so you won’t fall.” “Hell, I’ll even guide you if you’re that clueless.” He added.

His words seem like they have genuine sympathy in them and even some patience left, but his tone? ehh, not so much..

You carefully but quickly examined the bike, its big. Seems hard to even get on. You saw the stick looking thing near the bottom on the side, you have no idea what its called. But what you do know is that it’s what someone usually steps on to get on a motorbike. You were too afraid to do anything so you just look back at your boyfriend. You’re genuinely surprised he managed to keep his cool up until now.

“Hey” Gun spoke outta nowhere which kind of startled you.

“Hm?” You hummed.

“Ever heard of backpacking on a motorbike?” Gun asked and you could see his usual smirk growing on his face.

You just shook your head in denial.

Gun let go of your hand and walked over to your side, he took the helmet from your hands and carefully put it on you, “That good?” he asked. “Yes, thank you” you replied. Then outta nowhere he got on his knees beside you.

You moved from facing the motorcycle to facing him who was by your side, and just stared at him. “What the fuck?” You blurted out. “Why the hell is a man with an ego higher than the steepest mountains on his knees?” You thought.

“Get on my back.” “Just crouch behind me and hold onto my shoulders, then when i stand up, I’ll lift your legs along with me.”

( note: kinda like the one in the video EXCEPT gun is on his knees and you don’t jump on his back, you just crouch behind him and hold his shoulders, then he’s holding you like how the guy is holding the girl in the video then yall get on the bike, i really hope yall can imagine and understand what im talking about 😭😭 )

People walking by were starting to give you guys weird looks, maybe they thought this guy was desperate for you or something. You just decided to go with his request anyway. Reluctantly, you walked behind him, crouched and grabbed onto his shoulders. Then he stood up, and you were basically piggy-back-riding him. Which you found quite strange, but you’re tired from work, so you don’t bother asking him anymore questions.

Next thing you know, you were on the motorbike, still holding your boyfriend’s shoulders, practically falling asleep. That was until he started the engine which startled you and you moved you hands to his waist, but you didn’t want to hugging onto him like a bug, so you thought it’d be fine for you to just barely hold his waist and keep your back and his chest apart from each other by a pretty big distance.

“You ready?” Your boyfriend asked as he looked back at you.

“Yeah, thank youuu” You reassured him despite your slightly shaking figure and gave him a smile.

“Alright then, but i’d hold on tighter than that if i were you.” He chuckled. You weren’t sure why he did but you decided to ignore it.

You noticed he kicked the side stand up which kind of distracted you, making your grip even more loose than it already was. Right then and there, he started the motorcycle but not even half of a second later, he immediately hit the brakes, hard. Which causes you to flinch like hell as it fell like you were about to fall and you’re pretty sure you almost did. You immediately hugged him tighter than you ever have before, wrapping your hands around his waist and holding onto his back like there’s no tomorrow.

“GUN!!” You screamed through your helmet.

He looked back at you, “What? I warned you~” He had a smirk spread across his face and you could tell he did on purpose, he then looked back at the road and chuckled.

You got flustered and held onto him tighter as he kept on laughing while you guys were still in the parking lot.

“Sorryy babyyyy” He looked back at you. “I’ll make it up to you later.” He was still smirking and he had a flirtatious tone on that last line. Which got you even more flustered and had you blushing like hell. Yet you were also terrified of what just happened and were shaking like crazy.

“Geez, was it that much of a scare? Your body is shaking like a speaker turned up to the highest volume.”

“If you weren’t such a dork, I wouldn’t be shaking!” You highlighted.

“Hold onto me tight, that way you’ll be less scared.”

And you did, you held on like a pet with separation anxiety towards their owner.

Then off you both went, riding through the city, making your guys’ way to his place.

notes: I don’t know if anyone is going to be reading this section or this fic even, but hello to whoever might be doing so!! 😭😭

I really hope all of my spelling and grammar isn’t f’d up but if you notice any mistakes in them, mb but I’ve read the whole fic already but i might’ve missed some mistakes 😔

This is also my first ever story/fic that i’ve written for any character, which is why i’m sorry if you didn’t like how i made Gun to be, and how i created this overall fic, but I tried my best 😔😔

Btw I made this on my phone so i hope it looks normal for any other device user out there, I might open up my laptop sooner or later to see if it does

It took me a while and as i’ve mentioned in the content warnings, i know nothing about motorcycles so if you’re a biker/rider i’m sorry if this might offend you in any way, but i ran to google back and fourth for about a million times, so i truly hope that the way i wrote about motorcycles in this fic wont bother you too much. Also, I’m sorry if yall are bothered about the fact that 35% of the fic was just reader at work 💀💀 Oh and sorry for the amount of linked pins and tiktok videos, I just wanted ppl to be sure of what was going on LMAOO

- With or without proper credits, please don’t try to steal or claim any of my works as your own

I genuinely appreciate opinions, feedback, likes, and reblogs, as this is my first ever post on this blog.

Once again, I hope this isn’t too bad for my first fic, and i’ll probably be doing more characters in lookism 🫶🫶

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kurtwarren54 · 6 years

Text

My Birth Story

It’s wild to be sitting down to share such a personal story of finally meeting Otis. It’s been 10 days since we welcomed him into out arms and I can still remember the whole process vividly. I have always found it so helpful to read about others experiences so I am happy to share mine with you all today. It’s taken me awhile to actually get to writing this post and my content has been at a stand still on the blog so apologies for my absence but we have been soaking up every second with our little one.

August 23rd / Thursday, the day before Labor started Early that day, we headed to my 39 week doctors appointment for a cervix check. I was excited to see if we had made any progress from our last appointment. After seeing the doctor, we had great news, I was 90% effaced and a tight 2cm dilated. I had lost my mucus plug (I know, TMI) the week before so I knew things were moving in the right direction. The waiting game was on. Pretty early on my doctor was convinced that we would likely meet our baby early between 38.5 and 39.5 weeks. Ever since she gave us that prediction, it started to creep in my mind and I started to get anxious in anticipation of wondering will my water break?? When will I know my contractions are starting? I remember saying that week to Blake that I was disappointed we hadn’t seen any action yet since the doctor was so convinced we would deliver early. We spent the rest of the day running some errands and decided to do a little casual date night at our neighborhood gastropub. While at dinner we planned some fun things to do over the weekend, made some dinner reservations, and planned some beach time to catch up on our kindle reading. Needless to say… we would not be keeping any of those plans.

August 24th / Friday 1:30 AM I did not really experience many Braxton hicks contractions and only had some occasional pain moments, which looking back, were Braxton hicks and they just were not super intense so I didn’t think much of them but my body prepping and stretching for baby to come. I had wondered, “How will I know I am in labor?? What will it feel like? Will it start strong? Will my water break?” and oh man. When you are in labor… you will know. I have been pretty lucky throughout my second and third trimester I was able to sleep pretty well (also with the help of unisom prescribed by my doctor). I of course would wake up to pee all the time, but this time, I woke up at 1:30 am and I knew this was different. I woke up with pain that felt like cramping and I thought to myself, this must be contractions. So I remember what my birth classes said that I should empty my bladder, and drink a bunch of water and walk around to see if I felt better. I went to pee, chugged some water and got back into bed. Meanwhile, the pains came back and they kept me awake. I pulled out my phone and started to log my contractions into my Ovia app. Blake was sleeping and I didn’t want to wake him up for a false alarm. So for the rest of the night, I was chugging water, getting up to pee, sitting up in bed from the pain and tracking my contraction. My doctor wanted me to follow the 5-1-1 rule. Meaning, not to head to the hospital until my contractions were 5 minutes apart for about an hour. She was not so concerned about the length of the contractions but wanted me to make sure they were powerful before coming in. I couldn’t sleep and each contraction would jolt me out of bed. It’s hard to describe what a contraction feels like but it’s basically a tightening feeling in your uterus that feels like period cramps ON STEROIDS. My contractions were all lasting about 1 minute or more long and were fluctuating between 4 minutes and 12 minutes. They were all over the map. Eventually around 6am I woke Blake up to let him know I was having consistent contractions. I had my biweekly appointment with fetal diagnostics at 9am on Friday so we figured that if I was still having contractions and if they became more regular, we would just go to the hospital. I started getting REALLY nervous that it might be time to actually head to the hospital. My contractions started to get closer together until they were ranging from 5-6 minutes closer to 9am so we decided to pack up and head to the hospital. I was sure that after 8 hours of having contractions, things must have been progressing and I didn’t want to risk getting to the hospital too late. I took a quick shower, got myself dressed while Blake grabbed all our bags and we were on our way.

August 24th / Friday 9:30 AM We checked in with OB triage where they evaluate you to see if you are in active labor. I did notice that my contraction times seemed to lengthen a little by the time we got to the hospital but I was just so happy to be there and get checked out. We sat in the waiting room while they got a room ready for us and I was just sitting there exhausted from not being able to sleep all night. We finally got into the room and she hooked me up to fetal monitors and did a cervix check. I was still at 90% effaced and at a solid 2cm dilated. I was devastated. I looked at Blake and we both knew. They were going to send us home. In the interest of being thorough, the nurse had us walk around the floor for a full 30 minutes to see if it would set anything into quicker motion for us but nothing changed. She advised us to come back when the contractions were stronger. Stronger so I would not be able to talk or walk through them. I was so embarrassed. I told her how silly I felt for coming in and the nurse assured me that this happens so often. It’s so hard when you have never been through the process and don’t know that magic time to go in when your so nervous and just want to make all the right decisions for your baby. We headed back home and we were now on high alert.

August 24th / Friday, the day from HELL This day was one of the most challenging days to date. Of my life. As we sat at home, we started googling how long we could be in early labor and the answers were… terrifying. There were people who were in early labor for days. Honestly Dr. Google is never the best idea but we couldn’t help it. My contractions continued consistently from 1:30 am and never stopped. All lasting around a minute and all day between 4 minutes and 12 minutes. I couldn’t rest or sleep as they were keeping me up and I was just so uncomfortable. I continued to chug my water and get up and walk around the house. I wasn’t even hungry and skipped breakfast since I had zero appetite. I finally forced myself to eat a grilled cheese sandwich between contractions. I tried so hard to get some rest but my body was just not having it. Blake and I hung out all day on the couch and watched the Office to try to get my mind off of things. For breathing, all the lamaze breathing was just not for me. It made me feel way too out of breath and it just didn’t feel natural for me personally. For me, yoga breathing and deep cleansing breaths were the only way for me to focus and get through the contractions. The day was filled with alot of frustration on both my end and Blake’s end. We were both so frustrated to have been sent away from the hospital and not know when there would be an end in sight to this day of contractions. I was completely miserable. The idea of being in this state for days… made me feel even more miserable. The day was extremely challenging both mentally and physically. Early evening started to roll around and Blake was asking if I noticed the contractions getting any stronger. My response is that I just didn’t know. I was second guessing myself and didn’t want to be unsure. Blake eventually ordered some dinner for himself but I was just so miserable and still had no appetite. Before I knew it, every contraction had me standing up, hovering around my living room, leaning up against any piece of furniture I was near and swaying on all fours to get any relief or good position during contractions. Blake kept reminding me to breath through them because you just easily forget to focus on that. It around 11pm and Blake looked at me with concern and said, “How far apart are your contractions?? I think we should go to the hospital.” We checked my app and we were pretty close to it being an hour of 4-6 minute apart contractions and at this point, I was not able to talk through them and I was leaning up against all my furniture… it was time to go. I decided to take another shower to get myself together. I wanted to be EXTRA sure to wait till the last minute to head back. I also realized that I had never had dinner and I know once you check into the hospital they won’t allow you to eat. On the way out the door I grabbed a box of wheat thins and tried to force some down on our drive over. At this point it was midnight, the roads were empty and we both hoped this would be our last drive to the hospital.

August 25th / Saturday 12:30 AM We grabbed my labor bag and headed into the hospital. This time, I could barely walk and was gripping the hand rails in the parking garage elevator. I was moving SLOW and I was in so much pain and discomfort. We checked in at OB triage and by the looks of me… they admitted me into a room right away to be evaluated. She hooked me up to all the machines and did my cervix check. I WAS DILATED 5.5 CMS!!!!!!!!!!!!!! The minute she said that, I blurted out, “DOES THAT MEAN WE CAN STAY?!?!” And she laughed and said, “You are not leaving.” I told her she was now my favorite person in the whole world. Since I tested group b strep positive, I needed to start iv antibiotics to protect the baby during birth. So she quickly got ready to set up my IV which went off without a hitch. She even mentioned how hydrated I was and that she was impressed as the temperatures had been pretty hot the past week and she had seen a lot of dehydrated mamas. I knew chugging water during early labor would pay off!! She got my antibiotic started as well as some pain relief in my IV. This woman was now my hero. I noticed that I also instantly felt like I was having reflux. My throat was starting to burn but the nurse assured me it was all perfectly normally. I was transferred from the bed to a wheelchair and they wheeled me over to Labor and Delivery. They rolled me into the room and I got onto the bed and I instantly felt nauseous. A few seconds later I threw up ALL over the floor next to the bed. Not sure if it was the pain meds, the motion, the reflux, something set me off and after throwing up I did feel better.

August 25th / Saturday 2:00 AM I was able to get an epidural right away and this was one thing I knew I was open to. YES EPIDURAL PLEASE. I have to be honest, the process of getting the epidural TERRIFIED me. I was also shaking so bad during my contractions and I was so worried about sitting still through the procedure. The anesthesiologist came in and was amazing. He was so kind and explained exactly what he was doing, what I needed to do and was so fast. I sat on the edge of the bed hugging a pillow and focused on my breathing and holding still. He first numbed the area of the epidural and then inserted it. I barely felt anything and before I knew it, he was done. God bless that man. Within about 15 minutes, I could feel the epidural working. The nurse described it would feel like a sensation of ants crawling all over me. She was dead on. I could still somewhat move my legs but once the epidural kicked in, I was feeling amazing. I no longer felt the contractions and the nurse suggested we get some rest to prepare for the pushing ahead. She put me on pitocin to strengthen my contractions which would in turn work to help dilate me and prepare me to give birth. To be able to get this rest was HUGE since I had basically been awake for 24 hours already. I have to say, alot of my experience at the hospital was all very calm. Despite being anxious about getting the epidural and actually birthing the baby, I feel like the whole time I was relatively very calm. I will speak more this later. The nurse told us to get our rest and Blake and I both tried to sleep while we waited on the medications to do their work. The nurses kept turning me side to side throughout the night to make sure the epidural was also equally distributing down both sides of my body.

August 25th / Saturday 9:00 AM The nurse came back to do my cervix check and we had great news: I was 10 cm dilated and we would prep things to get ready to push soon. In the meantime, Blake had set up our bluetooth speaker and started playing Summer Salt, Driving to Hawaii album which was my zen chill album of my pregnancy. The songs always relax me so much. We alternated between that and Otis Redding because… obviously I have a little thing for Otis Redding. Hence our baby boy’s name. I put my glasses away and put in my contacts so that I could concentrate and my glasses would not sweat off my face while I was pushing. The room slowly started to transform, with an additional nurse coming in, setting up my bed with stirrups for delivery and it was all kind of coming together in the most calm way imaginable. My nurse even offered me some gatorade to power up for the big show. This was amazing after really not having eaten dinner at all. It was all happening.

August 25th / Saturday 9:20 AM Let’s start pushing My nurse started explaining what we were going to do together. I was going to practice pushing and she was going to help me know I was using the right muscles to push since I still had my epidural going. She would guide me to take a cleansing breath before the contraction then take a deep breath, and HOLD IT while pushing and we would do this 3 times during each contraction. Since I have asthma, they gave me an oxygen mask in between each contractions to make sure I didn’t get too out of breath or hyperventilate. Our nurse was incredible. So calm and helped each step of the way. She casually told me how we would do some practice pushes and honestly the whole process was so peaceful. I know this sounds CRAZY but the whole process was strangely calm. Blake was even surprised at how mellow, cool, and calm I was during the whole process. The nurse explained that some people end up pushing for up to 2 hours so it was a little bit hard for me to gauge just how long I would have to be doing this. Also it was hard not being able to feel much and know that I was making any progress. The nurse was my cheerleader but I would keep asking Blake if we were REALLY making progress or if she was just being overly optimistic. She did offer me to use a mirror which I swore in the past I would never want to use, but in that moment, I wanted confirmation that was I was doing was progressing. Once I started using the mirror, I could really see my own progress. I can’t tell you how helpful this was to keep going and push through. Pun intended. I could actually see the baby’s head and it was giving me the motivation to keep going. Wildest thing to do an see. So unbelievable. Blake and the nurses continued to help coach me through. The nurse said to me, I think this baby is going to come before 10:30 and she was right! Before I knew it, the nurse was calling the doctor in to prepare for birth. HOLY crap. I knew since the doctor was coming we were so so close. The moment the doctor came in they moved the mirror to make room for her and I never had it readjusted. Once his head was crowning I started to feel a lot of pressure. I knew we were getting close and all of a sudden the doctor said, “His head is out!” The umbilical cord was wrapped around his head so doctor worked quickly to free him. All of a sudden, before I even knew that I had pushed him out completely, they were laying our sweet baby on my chest. I was in complete and utter shock. Not only was it so unbelievable that in an instant, he had made this way into the world, I was finally a mother. Tears. Shock. Joy. I can’t describe that first moment. Blake could see it in my eyes. It was so shockingly beautiful. We were finally a family. So after 45 minutes of pushing, Otis Maarten Lapides came into the world at 10:27am weighing 7 lbs and measuring 19.74 inches. We spent the next hour soaking up skin to skin time with Otis. In the meantime my doctor helped deliver the placenta and since I tore a little bit, I had to get a few stitches. Blake also cut the cord before it was clamped as well.

When it came to labor, there were so many things I was scared about leading up to that day. So many questions as to how it would happen, when it would happen etc etc. But in the end, I was stronger than I could have ever imagined looking back on that day. I went into this pregnancy with an open mind and heart after everything we had been through and I decided to go into labor the same way. I put my trust in my doctor, in my nurses, in the hospital, in Blake and most importantly, in myself. Friday was such a tough day for me, testing me in so many ways physically and emotionally and I have to say, my experience at the hospital was nothing but amazing. My attitude was to be as go with the flow as possible to do what was best for my baby to enter this world and it warms my heart to have been able to have such a beautiful experience. Don’t get me wrong, it was all hard and came with so many challenges, but I can’t imagine it have happened any other way.

Recovery Before I knew it, we were whisked away into our recover room with our little clear bassinet with Otis looking right us. My epidural was taken out and so slowly but sure all feeling was coming back and that included the lady bits pain. Recovery from a vaginal birth is some messy business. A bloody mess to be exact. Basically every time you go to the bathroom, you are changing out your bulky pads in your mesh underwear. Blood is dripping on the floor, the pads are falling all over the place, your using a spray bottle to clean your lady area. It’s a lot. You are also scared shitless to touch your stitches or disturb anything after birth. But it’s all just part of it. I know that all sounds very unpleasant but it’s just the reality of the recovery. It’s tough and messy. Luckily I have a rockstar of a husband who wins Dad of the Year award and he instantly took over changing every single diaper in the hospital and taking charge to help bring me the baby when I needed to rest.

When we first got up into the room, I tried immediately to breastfeed with the help of my nurse. Luckily we delivered at a hospital who is very breastfeeding friends and every nurse is educated in lactation. Otis latched immediately and it was such a relief to know that 1. I had milk to give and 2. I could do it! WILD. We ended up spending 2 nights of recovery in the hospital. By the time our discharge time came, we were ready to do this. Ready to bring our family home and start our life together.

Thank you From the bottom of my heart, I have to thank you all for following our journey, for supporting us, and for listening to the story we had to tell. The sweet notes from close friends, readers, family expressing their joy after our long fight with IVF… it’s been incredibly emotional to feel so lucky to be on the other end of all that darkness. Otis is our dream come true. Our little miracle. There will never be a day I take that for granted. So as we continue to share our lives with you all, little Otis will be joining in on the adventure and my heart will only to continue to grow everyday with him. Otis, we love you more than words and you have changed our lives forever.

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elizabethcariasa · 6 years

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My Birth Story

The post My Birth Story appeared first on eat.sleep.wear. - Fashion & Lifestyle Blog by Kimberly Pesch.

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