#ive got a huge headache and im trying to distract myself from it | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

cata-strophes · 5 years

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idek how to express how grateful i am in words rn but thank you so much — ive been feeling really alone lately and your words make me feel a lot less alone & genuinely hopeful & that i will come out of this in the end — i really hope im sorta conveying how thankful i am, i dont think i was really expecting a reply ? i just wanted you to know that youd helped and again ! youve helped me so much more than you could know (ps i love that drawing so much 💙🖤 thank you sm for the comfort shances)

hello anon!!

i hope you dont mind me answering this like this, i didnt want to show last one since you genuinelly seemed distressed, and, well, i didnt know how else to answer but with more of what you said helped you before,, and i really meant it, what i said, it does get better

im gonna write some personal stuff under this cut so i dont occupy everyone’s space, but feel free to read if you want to (tw? depression and mental health in general), this is really text heavy, sorry!!

i was always a pretty anxious kid, but a few years back i had a big fight with some close friends, i had a few other friends, but they were really busy and couldnt hang out, i had some really huge family problems and i was alone most of the time. around the time i found voltron, i was really deep into a low circle, i held onto it like a lifeline, thats why i was around the internet a lot at that time

i found a hobby. it was pretty robotic, but it kept me going. voltron, fics, fandom, its not the best support system, to be honest, but it helped me find something to hold onto.

anon, it seems hard now, by then i was mostly moving because thats what people expected from me. my parents didnt even find out i was having a hard time until i literally broke down in front of them and went nearly catatonic for a few hours. i got into therapy after that. it didnt solve all of my problems, but it certainly helped me keep a clear mind. i dont think i ever really told my therapist all that goes through my head because of my own personal trust problems (im pretty sure i have some sort of impostor syndrome, but even then i doubt myself, u know?)

anyways, i got sidetracked. but really. it seems hard, i know, but hey, im here right now. and im so happy i am. i still find it hard some days to even gather energy to move, get dressed, eat, and i have anxiety attacks more often than not. but i met some trully incredible people at college, im closer than ever to the same friends i mentioned i had a huge fight with, i cant wait for the next day im able to meet up with friends and enjoy a movie, or go to the park and have some tereres and just talk, or for my birthday, and inviting everyone camping. its really a wonderful feeling.

i remember a few years back, when people invited me over, i was always looking for an excuse to not go. i live too far, its raining, its too hot, my stomach hurts, i have a headache, my dad asked me to help him cook, whatever i could to get out of it. and now im travelling one hour to the city just to see them, and i enjoy it, and i cant wait to do it again

it was hard, it was painful, but i feel stronger, and much more mature, and in the end, i know i can get out of it. i built myself an incredible support system, even if im a hardass and dont like telling my problems to the people i love

god i got too sidetracked again, im just- im really really happy i could help you through that, because i was there and it felt so awful, and im glad i can help you like that, doing what i love

the most i can recommend you right now, is find something you love, something that distracts you, and hold onto that. dont make your whole life around it, but support yourself on that, until you can support yourself on your own. i had voltron, i had fandom and i had fics and fanart. i had a family going through a hard time and my overcompensating ass trying to make up for it. now i have my friends and my family and the feeling that i cant let them down by missing a day not getting out of bed. make yourself lists, congratulate yourself with every accomplishment you make, from the smallest to the biggest ones, because you did it. you did it.

remember to breathe, remember to drink water, and please, please remember to eat, preferably four meals a day, but i’ll be glad if you take at least a bite now and then

i love you anon, and i know i said it before, but i believe in you, and i trust that you’ll get through this

(ps you can always trust in me to give comfort shances, theyre the best comfort 💙🖤)

#personal #huh i never thought i'd get too personal in this account #but im sleep deprived and the floodgates kinda opened #time to go back to drawing to make up for my hiatus #love u anon #and i love every one of you reading this and going through a hard time #you can do it #i know i got it easier than many more people #but my askbox is always open for any of you #i might not have all the answers #but i can at least give you a friendly ear #and a shoulder to cry on #anon #ask

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angejemme · 7 years

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My Adventures In STEM by: Amber Clements Edited by: Nichole Cooper

My goal when entering the stem was to meet this man by the name Ruben Victoriano but he went by Ruvik. I heard about his work from along time ago. I was very intrigued also i had heard about his past. He had went through alot; he and his beloved sister named Laura were playing in a barn when it caught fire. He survived but sadly laura did not. Ruvik was badly burned; his father had locked him in the basement being disgusted and not wanting to be seen around him. With his mother not knowing of his survival until one night he escaped, raged and killed his parents in there own bedroom. He wanted revenge on everyone; the world had took the only thing he held dear to him, his beloved sister. So yea his past was so very horrible. My past was also bad but not that bad but even that made me want to meet him even more. I felt sorry for him and thats when i found out the only way to meet him was to enter the stem. he had been killled but his consciousness was still here so i went on with entering the stem, even though there were very high consequences of me not surviving and not being able to return to reality. I took the risk because it meant so much to me. I needed to do this so after entering i ended up at some hospital, it was named beacon mental hospital. I started looking around; going down a very long hallway i heard gun shots. I looked around the corner i saw three police officers shooting at this tall man in a white burnt robe meaning it had to be ruvik. He had killed the cops one by one, it happened so fast. He used some kind of telekinesis, i ran to a door but it was locked from the other side. I was stuck. i sat on the floor hoping he wouldnt see me but as he was walking forward he turned his head glaring at me. Walking towards me with this evil grin on his face like he was gonna rip my soul out, i was honestly terrified. I thought he was gonna kill me, then and there i called him by his name trying to make him stop. I told him i came here just to meet him and to help him. He walked up to me and grabbed me by my throat. He smiled and threw me against the wall. When i got up he was gone; he had disappered I thought to myself where did he go? I was lucky i guess. I then kept walking down to the end of that corner running into another long hallway. There were lots of mental prison holding cells. Suddenly i got a really bad headache, everything got dizzy, then i was in a whole different place. It was a huge mansion, i was confused on how i got there I got up and just went with it, there were so many rooms. I didnt know where to go first; I finally decided to go upstairs down a hall to the room on the end. I entered and it looked like a murder scene. There were tables with body parts, and blood everywhere. Looking in shock i still went in walked up to a desk. It had human anatomy charts on it, skulls, and a dissected pigs head. I picked up some papers from the drawer and what i read was horrific. There was also some reports about him and what happened with the fire, reading it i was in tears... Suddenly the lights started flickering, my headache was coming back. Then ruvik suddenly appeared in front of me. I was still in tears from reading the report i looked him in the eyes. With no expression i said im im so sorry....... he looked back at me with a smirk he said "Everyone has to die.. My beloved sister, they took her away from me. You dont know how it felt.. but im gonna make you feel it!" He teleported me to this gorgeous sunflower field, there was a barn in the distance. I walked into the barn to what looked like an hallutionation of what had happened to them. I was standing there in tears then suddenly the barn actually caught on fire. I was in panic, ruvik had been standing behide me the whole time watching my reaction. I walked up and hugged him as the fire was burning my legs. He then teleported us out of the barn before we burned. We then were back in his study. I asked him if i could help him in anyway. He told me there were some detectives here that were trying to stop him from leaving this world. He says they need to be killed. He asked me if i could take care of it and of course i said yes thinking to myself ive never killed a person before but i can do it. Its for someone i care for unconditionally, he then grabs me by the arm and injects a huge syringe in my neck. He said this will protect me from his creations. He then teleports me to some weird, dark location; I guess this was where the detectives were. Somehow i ended up outside, there was a small park and they were all of the detectives just standing there. Thinking to myself this is gonna be easy, I started walking towards them acting like i was scared and tired and i needed help. They saw me heading towards them and one of the guys pointed a gun at me. He was very handsome and had brown hair. He then asked me who i was and why i was there, i answered. Then i asked who they were, he said his name was Sebastian. there was a guy with glasses he told me that was Joseph and then theres the girl that was Juli Kidman. I then asked why they were there. They had no idea but had been searching for one of the mental patients by the name Leslie Withers. ? Thinking to myself, 'Was this why ruvik needed me to kill them? Does Leslie have something to do with this?' Not saying anything out loud they asked me if i wanted to tag along. I looked and said sure thanks. We started walking entering another huge building. Thats when we finally encountered one of ruviks creations, it was a huge terrifying guy with a chainsaw. He was the Sadist. Me knowing i was scared of chainsaws i took off even though i was supposedly safe. I didnt take a chance, everyone else started shooting at him with the guns. I had no way to try and protect myself until Joseph threw a gun to me. I tried to shoot him but it did nothing the guns just made him angrier. We all started running; we eventally locked ourselves in a room with a metal door that latched but that wont hold for long. We all started looking around the room for something to use to fight back the sadist. Sebastian had then found an axe he was gonna try and chop his head off but someone had to go out there and distract him. So we decided me and kidman would go, thinking to myself this would be a great time to get rid of her. We went out starting to shoot he cornered us against a wall. Kidman was out of bullets and now it was time for me to take that chance. He looked at me then looked at kidman, i ran around him right then he took his chainsaw ramming it into her chest; blood and instines flew everywhere. I smiled and laughed under my breathe then started crying fakely. Everyone ran out and saw what had happened. Joseph started crying as well.. Sebastian took the axe running and screaming he chopped the sadist head off. He then fell onto his knees crying.. i had no idea what to say.. They looked at me i said i couldnt do anything im so sorry. A few minutes past we started moving on again. We all started getting headaches, the room was changing but this time i was alone again. Everyone had went to different places. It was pitch black, I didnt know where i was. i kept walking staying near the walls finding my path. I approched a ladder going down into what looked like the sewers. Again i was afraid cause i couldnt see a thing at all. Finally getting down there i stepped into this deep swampy water. i tried my best to keep walking. I saw a tunnel up ahead so i go inside and suddenly i ended up back in the mansion. I was like 'What the hell is going on!' This time i go into the dining room seeing another long ass hallway on the other side of the room. walking down the hallway i see someone. I was shocked and relieved; it was JOSEPH. I ran to him it seemed like the hallway was taking forever to get to him but finally i got to him. Something was wrong, it was a trap, he was barbwired to the wall. The walls were closing in, i had to save him somehow. I needed to get the barbwire off but there was nothing to use to get it off. I decided out of bravery just to rip it off with my hands and guess what? it worked! I got him out of there we ran to the door at the end. We were safe but our hands and arms were covered in blood that didnt matter to us. Thats when Sebastian runs up with his gun pointed at me. Joseph yelled at Sebastian, "WHAT ARE YOU DOING!!" Sebastian replied, "Shes not to be trusted Joseph. I know she had Kidman killed on purpose. Shes gonna try and kill us too." Joseph replies, "She just saved my life. You're not gonna kill us right Amber?" Me looking i said, "No im not. Im on your side." Even though she knew it was really a lie. Sebastian ended up not shooting her but lost all trust for her. We then moved on into another room with Sebastian watching her closely. This room was rusting, tons of barbed fences, and pipes everywhere. Suddenly we all heard a loud noise. We all started looking around then thats when we smelled it... It was gas, we panicked trying to figure out where it was coming from. Then suddenly out of the fumes we barely saw it but something was coming toward us. It got closer lets just say its one of the most scariest shits you will ever see. It had a safe as a head and a large spiked hammer. This creation was called the keeper, more terrifying then the sadist. this time i knew i was safe but i had to act like i wasnt. We all started scrambling the room, there was three of us one of him. He sure wasnt after me; i tried shooting it in the chest but like the sadist it looked worthless. Sebastian had gotten a shotgun, he kept shooting him. Finally he went down and the gases had stopped. "That was fast." i said laughing. We all started getting dizzy again.. "FUCK NOT THIS AGAIN!" I SAID. We were separated again this time i was in some sort of factory. I started walking around, i had no idea where to go then i saw an old elevator. i tried that it took me to what looked like a huge boiler room. It was unbelievably hot. I walked around until i hit a corner then ran right into Sebastian. He thought since Joseph wasnt there he could finish what he started with me. He grabs me and throws me against the steaming wall. He puts his gun to my head... Right before hes about to shoot theres a very loud screeching noise. I see this spider like creation coming towards us. It looked like a demon from hell. It attacked Sebastian setting me free of his gun. I looked at the creation and i couldnt beileve what i saw. It was Laura, Ruvik's sister, she was holding Sebastian down giving me the chance to kill him. I raise my gun, close my eyes and fired. I shot him in the head twice. I have just killed Sebastian Laura leaves. Next thing i know is Joseph standing on the other side of the room looking at me. He had just saw me shoot his bestfriend and partner. He fell to his knees, tears started pouring. I was heartbroken but happy at the same time i could kill Joseph right there where he sits... But something inside me wont let me shoot him. He looks up at me with tears says "Why WHY!Why did you kill him!? Sebastian was right you were gonna kill us.. Im next arent i?!" I replied and said, "I cant kill you Joseph. I cant do it. If you want you can kill me!" But Joseph says he couldnt kill her either knowing she saved his life and all; he was starting to like her. With tears in both of our eyes he walks up to her and kisses her. "Can i have this last moment with you?" thinking to myself 'last moment?' Joseph and Amber then start to make love to each other. He looked so happy but sad at the same time. When they finally finished Josesph gave her a huge kiss and hugged her tight. He then grabbed his gun... Without her knowing puts it to his head and shoots himself. she starts SCREAMING AND CRYING "NOOOO!" covered in Josephs blood. She got angry with herself. She also had grew feeling for him and now hes gone forever.. "Im so sorry Joseph. Why did i have to do this to you.. WHY!? You werent a bad person!" she screamed."RUVIK WHERE ARE YOU?! ITS DONE!" she says. Ruvik then appears, he now says to find and bring Leslie to him. She gets teleported back to the hospital. It wasnt hard for her to find Leslie, he had been outside in the courtyard. She slowly walks up to him, grabs his hand and takes him back to ruvik. We then ended up in a room with wires and bathtubs. Ruvik said, "This is the main part of the Stem." I looked around seeing everyones bodies mine, kidman, seb, and even Joseph. We all were hooked up to the stem. Ruvik then takes Leslie. I asked ruvik why he needed Leslie. He explained that he was the only person compatible with ruvik Leslie was his vessel to the real world. He could enter his body and live, go back into the real world. I thought to myself, 'I was helping Ruvik go back to reality when im gonna be stuck here forever. Alone.' I dont want him to leave me knowing i had grown strong feelings toward him too. I walked up to Ruvik and kiss him and told him i loved him. I tell him, "I dont wanna stay here alone. i want you to stay with me. Please Ruvik dont go!" In rage she holds up her gun to Leslies head, knowing Ruvik would stop her. He throws me against the wall i had already fired my gun. I hit Leslie in the stomach hoping he was dead knowing Ruvik was gonna make her pay. Ruvik then walks up to her looking at her, touching her face. He smirked taking his hand into her chest ripping her heart out. He had just killed the only other person that would ever care about him. Now hes stuck here even longer; he will have to find another way to leave. He kept her heart in his study as a reminder. She will now be made into one of his horrific creations. But the story ends there for now... THE END

#the evil within #story #evil within #horror #gaming #fanfic

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