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zoekennaargeluk · 6 years

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When I was 15 years old, I ran away from home because I was pissed off at my parents for a reason I cant remember. I didnt have much money, so I decided to hop onto the skytrain(public transport train in British Columbia) and ride it as far as it would go. I reached the end of the line in less then an hour, and decided I wanted to ride it all the way back again, while trying to formulate some kind of plan of how I wanted to live the rest of my life without my parents or anyone. At the last stop, or the first stop depending on your perspective of it, a girl came on and sat in the row right behind me. I didnt pay much attention to her at first, as I was busy writing my life plan on a napkin. It was a few minutes later that she got up and came sat next to me, curious as to what I was writing. I told her the story, and after a few laughs, we began talking about everything and anything. Her name was Amanda, 17 years old, and absolutely wonderful. She told me she was getting off at the last stop, which was also the first stop, depending on how you look at it. It was also the stop I had gotten on originally, and I told her we would ride to it together. The train ride took less then an hour, and what a wonderful hour indeed.

When the last stop did come, we both knew we probably wouldnt see each other ever again(this was before the days of cellphones, and I was a shy little kid afraid to make moves). As we got to the end of the sidewalk which split in two different directions, she went right and I went left. Before saying goodbye she turned to me and asked me a question that has become a wonderful part of my life; she asked me, “Tell me something you have done, or want to do, that you think I should do? It can be anything, as challenging as you want it to be, or as easy. As long as you give me the rest of my life to complete it, I promise I will do it..” I was confused as to why, but I thought about it, and told her, “Sing a song acapella in a room full of strangers.” She said perfect and asked me if I would like a challenge as well. I told her I did, and she told me, “read, from start to finish, “Ulysses” by James Joyce.” I had never heard of it at the time, but I agreed, and we said our goodbyes.

I have a awful memory, and cant remember most conversations I have with most people. But I remember all of that clearly. You know why? Because of the challenge she gave me. In the 12 years that have past since, I have tried to read that book in over 150 different sittings. Everytime I open my copy of the 780 page monster of a book, I always think of her, and I always think of that day. Ive never been sure if it was her intent or not, but she left her lasting memory on me with that challenge. I soon after learned what she did, was a completey wonderful and amazing thing for me. So I decided to keep it going. Ive met a lot of strangers in my life; some that have become friends, and some, due to living in different time zones and whatnot, didnt. I dont want to just have experiences and then let them go. I want to remember these meetings, and embrace the fact that they happened. So whenever I leave someone who has left an amazing impact of my life, I always make sure to add them to my Ulysses Bucket List. I ask them to give me a challenge, as difficult or as easy as they want it to be, and regardless of the fact that they have done it or not; simply something their heart has had wanted to do.

Some have been easy and fun; I met a man in India 9 years ago who told me to, for a week or a month, cook/buy twice as much food as I intend on eating, and give the other half to a stranger in need. I completed that mission 8 years ago, and thought about that man and the time we had all the way through. I met a girl on a cruise 6 years ago, who told me to jump into a body of water on a slightly cold day, without touching or feeling the temperature of the water first. I did that the very same year. I met a couple at an outdoor music festival a few years ago that told me to wear the most bizarre outfit imaginable and walk through a public place, completely oblivious to the fact that you arent looking normal. I did that task the very next day, at the same festival. Some have been difficult, to say the least: three guys I met in Amsterdam and smoked all night with, told me to go to a mall and give 10 strangers 10 presents. That one took a lot of courage, but I did it a year or so after I met them. It was nerve racking, but at the same time exhilerating leaving my comfort zone. A girl I met on a plane told me to sky dive; Im still in the process of getting that done. A couple I met in Cali on the beach told me to tell the 5 people I hated the most, that I love them and respect them. That one was very difficult because of my stubborness, but ive come close to completing that list many a times(still in the process, 2 more people to go).

And some things, have had an everlasting impact on my daily life. I met a girl at a music festival, who told me that whenever I get mad at someone, walk away, sing my happy song in my head for 5 minutes, go back to the person im mad at with a clam heart and mind, and work things out. Ive made this my way of life. I once met a man at a gym in a hotel I was staying at, that told me “whenever your body and brain tells your that you are exhausted and done…use your heart instead and push out 2 more reps.” Ive made this my motto when working out or working on any kind of extrenuating exercise in which my body demands me to quit. I also use it while working on anything, and while studying. One of the best pieces of advice ive ever received.

There are many others that each brought joy to my life. There are still many tasks I have yet to accomplish, and everytime I think of these tasks, I think of the people that gave them to me. It amazes me how well I remember all these people, while I cant remember so many aspects of even yesterday. These experiences, not only do I take from them a “mission” or a “challenge”, I also take from them a memory of them that never fails to appear inside of my mind. I opened my Ulysses book for probably the 300th time yesterday, and read a few pages, which prompted me to share this story with you today. Im in the final 30 pages of the book, also known as the most dreaded of the read(in the last 40 pages or so, James Joyce doesnt use a single punctuation mark; no periods, no commas, no nothing; a straight 50 page run-on sentence).

I never saw Amanda after that day, nor do I know if she ever did get a chance to sing a song to a room full of strangers. But what I do know, is that she gave me a gift that has never once stopped giving. So wherever you may be, thank you for giving me the Ulysses Bucket List. And I swear i’ll finish it one day. My life advice? Simple: Create your own Ulysses bucket list.

Edit 1:fixed some spelling mistakes. Going to leave 'clam' as is, haha!

Edit 2: Ulyssesbucketlist subreddit is now a thing!

Edit 3: I'm trying to reply to all of your comments and give everyone who asks for their own challenge! Please bare with me, I'll get to you I promise!

Edit 4: Monday 5/19/2014 UPDATE: I'm kind of lacking words at the moment, and am in awe of the power of the universe. Writing this story was just to relive a moment in my life, and to share it with others and maybe help them in some sort of way(or just give an entertaining story to read). Never did I think there was the slightest chance I would actually get to talk to her again. But thats exactly what happened. Last night I found out that the Amanda that ThatGuyWhoAte knew, was in fact the Amanda I met 14 years ago. Thank you Reddit. From the bottom of my heart, I give to you the sincerest Thank You I can possibly give. You gave me a chance to continue a life story that stopped writing 14 years ago. I will never forget this.

A thing on reddit i thought was really cool.

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witteawrites · 7 years

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Project: Fight Me Hellen

Synopsis

What does a kindly witch who accidentally curses your coffee, a Catholic vampire that's given up rare blood types for Lent and a group of Elves on drugs ("High elves, get it?") all have in common? A lot if you're a shape shifting cop who's job is to keep the magical world and the human world blended without any problems. Hellen loves her job most days but she really wishes all the trouble makers would stop making her job so hard (those over populated vampires from the recruitment surge during Twilight? Yeah apparently all the angst ridden whiny teenage immortal girls get hungry and are pretty mad that being a vampire isn't all sparkles and cheesy lines. Go figure.) She wishes human kind and magical types could just get along and things would calm down. Hellen gets her chance when she's given charge over a Hunter. Her job is to keep them from killing anyone while keeping tabs on them to hopefully find out who their boss is and then maybe the whole hunting ring fiasco can be taken care of once and for all and the people can live a little more easily and in peace. What she didn't ask for was a new friend and the whole thing going sideways when she mistakes the hunter for a new creature in town needing help blending in and spills trade secrets. Can she fix her mistake on time and get the hunter on their side or has she just spelled out death for all of the city's magical inhabitants?

Excerpt

The street light buzzed as it flickered overhead. The wind blew over as a loose missing pet poster across the alleyway as a cool breeze sent a chill down the back of a younger looking woman’s neck. She had walked this path a hundred times at night before but familiarity didn’t make it any more unsettling.

The scar on her neck twinged and she took a deep breath, counting to 10 and reminding herself she was ok. She was in control, this was familiar territory and she would be fine. She flinched slightly as the door to her right slammed against the alley wall and a giggling man came stumbling out. She rolled her eyes.

“Lloyd! What have I told you about the drugs? Do you want to get hunted?” She hissed, walking up to the tall lanky man and tugging on his hear to pull him down to her level.

“Heeeeyyyy! Why you gotta spoil all the fun… you just need a joint Hellen! Then you can come’n chill with me and see that life’s not all that bad!” He said before giggling again and slumping against the woman, her blonde hair fading into green at the tips.

Hellen sighed and helped him sit on the ground. “I’m going to have to take you in Lloyd. I’ve covered for you once. You promised me you would stop and get help but you haven’t and you keep blurting out who you are and taking off your disguise. Someone who’s not on something is going to see you and I can’t let you endanger the rest of us. You know that.” She said.

“Aw Hellen come on! I can’t help it! I’m a high elf. Get it? Huh? Huh? Get it?” He replied before laughing at his own joke so hard he started to throw up.

“These were my favorite shoes.” Hellen mumbled, closing her eyes and taking a deep breath. “Come on big boy, time to get you some help.” She sighed, putting him cuffs and taking him out to her cruiser.

Stupid elf… She grumbled inwardly, heading back to the station once she had him secured in the back. Why did trouble makers like Lloyd have to make her job so difficult? Hunters were bad enough but then there were people like Lloyd who just became beacons for them. She tried not to take it personally when someone like him got themselves killed but she did and she wished they wouldn’t do that to themselves. Falling to addictions was a bad enough life without the added danger of being hunted.

Hellen rolled into the station a few minutes later but instead of taking the airy elf up the stairs to the main entrance she walked him into a wall around the side. The scene quickly shifted from a dark brick into a lively office, the wall rippling closed behind them.

“Hey Hellen! Sup?” A hairy looking guy called from behind the front desk.

“Not much Richie. How’s the pup unit going?” She asked, somewhat preferring the night crew to the day one. The more nocturnal types seemed easier to deal with in her opinion.

“Really well! So far we’re caught up on the little ‘play biting’ issues in the therapy part but I think we’re going to get there. What are you going to do, kids are going to play.” He shrugged.

“I can see their point though. Can’t have a bunch of new werewolf pups biting kids and turning them when they’re already stressed. Anyways, gotta take this one into the back.” She said, indicating Lloyd who was swatting at the lights above his face and clinking his handcuffs annoyingly.

“So pretty…” he fawned, his eyes getting bigger the longer he starred up at them.

“Alright little John, let’s take it one step at a time. Look, here’s a step…” She said, smirking a bit as he lifted his leg high in the air and then brought it down, thinking there was a set of stairs in front of him.

“Oh here’s another one. And look out! This one’s really high up and really big!” She continued, messing with him. He’d puked on her favorite shoes; he was going to be the laughing stock of the unit for a few days.

Finally, she got him back into the infirmary area and she got him laid down on one of the beds. She got an IV into the now drooling elf. “Alright, I’m going to give you something that’s going to make you feel a lot better.” She said, grabbing a syringe from one of the locked drawers.

Lloyd nodded happily, smiling and jingling his handcuffs lightly.

Oh he’s in for it… again. She thought, grabbing a bottle and sticking the needle into it, drawing out some of the substance and then emptying into his IV.

Lloyd’s smile quickly faded as his high disappeared like a bowling ball crashing into pavement. “Heeeeeyy!” he shouted, feeling ill and the high he’d paid for was gone.

“I told you next time you did drugs there’d be consequences. Now you get to dry up in here and find a new area to live in. You broke your promise.” She shrugged. Turning him over to the attending physicians working in that section.

She looked up at the clock and saw it was just after 9. “Oh thank god…” She muttered, shaking her head a little as she closed her eyes. Her skin faded into a dark ashy color and her hair went from the blonde it had been to jet black. Her eyes were coppery when she opened them again instead of the forest green they’d been a moment before.

She walked to her office and sat down at her desk, looking at a photo of her and another officer. Younger, smiling… alive. She turned guiltily away from it and started filing her reports and paperwork for the evening. After turning it in and making sure she was squared away she clocked out and gathered her things to head home.

“See you in the morning?” Richie asked as she walked by.

“Nah, I have a mid shift tomorrow and then a meeting with the chief. I think they might be switching me to a day group for a bit again while they train the newbie.” She shrugged. “There’s rumors of a hunter situation too, but I shouldn’t have to do much with that being on partial field work leave.” She added.

“Well be careful anyways. It’d be a shame to lose another fine officer, and a shifter, to the likes of those cut throats.” Richie scowled. “A few hundred years and you’d think they’d figure out most of us are alright.” He sighed.

“Don’t worry, I’ll just shift into a troll and blast them through a wall before they know what hit them.” Hellen smiled wryly. “It’s not my first rodeo.” She added, subconsciously rubbing the scar that was twinging near her shoulder and collarbone. She tried to keep a wince back as she forced a smile. “Night Richie.” She added, tipping her officer hat and heading back outside, this time to her own car.

“Finally…” She sighed, her appearance changing again. This time her hair turned into a layered brown cut and her skin tone became an average human color. Her clothes changed into something more every day looking instead of her uniform as she looked into the mirror, gently brushing her cheek with her fingers, longing to stay like this.

She parked her car by her apartment complex before she headed to her favorite local bar to get a quick drink and check in on some of the local gossip. It was a short walk there and back, plus it helped her get a feel for if and when humans became aware of anything strange. She also liked pretending to be one sometimes even if it was a magical bar.

“Hey Carl, I’ll take my usual.” She said, taking a seat on an empty stool and leaning against the counter on one elbow.

“Hey Hellen. Good to see you around again. I was starting to wonder if one of those crooks hadn’t gotten you too.” The bar tender said.

“Ah it’d take more than a few law breakers to get me down.” Hellen chuckled dryly. “Besides I just check up on the higher risk ones and make sure parolees are behaving and that no trouble’s starting. It’s not a terrible beat.” She shrugged. “Ah thanks…” She took the glass and swallowed down a sip, letting the burn fill her throat and give her a little momentary jolt.

She looked around the room a bit, observing the people. She picked out a Skinwalker, a Djinn, and a young witch intermingled with the humans. She was trained to see them and make sure they were blending well. These three seemed alright. She knew more of the trouble makers than the ones who hid in plain sight.

“Aren’t you off the clock?” Carl raised an eyebrow, his mild accent getting a bit thicker with concern.

“Habit.” Hellen replied simply, frowning a bit as she saw a younger woman who also seemed to be casing out the magical creatures in the room. Her fingers were tapping lightly on the table and she didn’t seem to have even touched her drink yet. Something about her seemed off to Hellen and she couldn’t quite identify what it was. She seemed human at first glance but something was different.

“Hey.” She waved Carl over. “What do you know about her?” She asked.

“Ah new girl in town from what I hear. Not sure what she is.” He shrugged, cleaning a glass with two arms above the counter, and to anyone watching. Two more were below the counter adjusting cups and taps to make sure they were in order too.

“I got that vibe also but I can’t figure it out.” Hellen tapped her glass lightly.

“Could be a hunter. They’re getting better at the fake creature act.” Carl muttered under his breath, disdain in his tone.

“Eh… either way, I’d better check it out.” She said, ignoring Carl’s incredulous look over he working off the clock again.

She turned to go offer the girl a drink but when she looked she saw her leaving a 20 on the table she’d been sitting on and heading quickly out the front door.

“Well I assume adding ‘super good hearing’ to the list of what she might be, would be wise.” Hellen said.

“Ah well… at least she paid and tipped well.” Carl shrugged. “Who knows, she might come around again. I’ll let you know right away.” He offered.

“Thanks Carl. I don’t know what I’d do without you.” Hellen said, finishing off her drink and putting her jacket on.

“I do what I can girl, I do what I can.” He smiled knowingly. “Have a good night.” He added, waving her off once she’d paid.

Hellen headed home, the small chilled feeling tingling down her spine that she was being watched or followed. She took a few side streets and then slipped in the back way into her apartment just to be safe. She locked the door and sighed, kicking off her shoes.

I wonder who that girl was… She thought to herself. She had a bad idea she might be finding out sooner rather than later and she might not like what she discovered.

(©WitTeaWrites)

#fight me hellen #original work #witteawrites #my writing

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zachsgamejournal · 3 years

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COMPLETED: Breath of Fire IV

I did it! Though I cheated. But the point is...it’s done. I’m really torn between Breath of Fire 3 & 4. They both have strengths, and they both have weaknesses. And they both have a place in my gamer heart.

This castle. This damn castle. Why? Why make it so huge, so long, so confusing? Frodo had an easier time taking the Ring to Mordor. After reading a guide that I was supposed to pick up a blue key, I back tracked and grabbed it. But then I made the mistake of progressing forward, getting lost in more dead-ends and mazes. I checked a guide again. Apparently I was supposed to turn a 180 and go back to the elevator to lower down to the B1 floor.

Why? Why make this so confusing?

It was especially frustrating because I couldn’t call the elevator to whatever floor I was on.

ANYWAY: I went down to level B1, and while it was still confusing with branching dead ends, I made it to the throne room. There’s a brief moment where Fou Lu taunts us. Ryu doesn’t play any games and takes a swipe at the god. But Fou Lu isn’t here.

Yay.

More walking to go find him.

All the aimless wandering did allow me to level up my characters a bit. When I first played the game (back in the 90s), I was at least level 40 with all the characters. That was enough to win. This time, I think my highest character was at level 34. But I’ve been successful so far...

We follow Fou Lu to the out door area featured in the above image. He tries to convince us to say “to hell with humans”. It’s awkward. Not necessarily that he wants to kill/subjugate all humanity, but he’s so committed to it.

I remember in my first playthrough that Fou Lu has a deep connection to the woman from the village. And then she’s used as a sacrifice, which kind of breaks Fou Lu’s heart and he loses all faith in humanity. But for some reason, it didn’t feel as clear to me this time. I expected a small speech, kind of like when Sephiroth discovers the truth of his birth.

Instead, Fou Lu just keeps talking to Ryu like it’s obvious that humans suck and they should rejoin as one to knock em all out. The game then presents the player with a series of Flashbacks meant to convince that humans are terrible. In this, they showcase all the bad experiences both characters went through. It’s interesting, but not super convincing. In the end, you’re given a choice: join Fou Lu and forsake humans, or FIGHT!

Obviously we fight.

The first final boss is a dragon. Not sure where it came from, but it’s a long. I wasn’t super smart and committed too much AP and Dragon time. While there was no way I was going to lose, it took 20+ minutes to whittle down the dragon’s health and win. At this point, Fou Lu becomes a dragon. I checked a guide (cause I’m trying to save time after spending HOURS in the final dungeon). There wasn’t much useful there, just that Fou Lu casts a spell that brings all active members down to 1 hp.

Unfortunately, everyone was pretty low on AP and my dragons were basically spent. I fought this fucker for over an hour. I think he had about 65k HP, and on a good round I did about 4k damage. On a bad round, I did just around 1k. But more often than not, i was healing, raising the dead, and using AP items. Actually...while I stocked up on +30 AP items, that wasn’t enough to last several rounds. By the time I got everyone’s AP up a little, I was having to heal, and then all the AP was gone.

I barely limped along, slowly losing ground. After an hour, or longer, he took out too many of my characters. maybe one character survived enough to revive another, but then they died on the following round.

I didn’t make it. And I wasn’t going to “try again”. I WANT TO BE DONE!

So, because this is an emulator, I loaded up my recent state save, activated infinite HP, and defeated Fou Lu. After like 30 minutes. Even though I couldn’t die, it still took for ever to do 65k damage. I think at level 40 I could have pulled it off. Or even with better preparation for the fight.

Fou Lu is absorbed by Ryu. Ryu now talks, because he isn’t exactly Ryu anymore. Nina says, “Hey, humans suck--but not everybody!” That’s a paraphrase, but clearly we already think this--which is why we chose to fight Fou Lu. Not-Ryu decides that humans don’t need gods. As an atheist, i agree. So Not-Ryu “banishes” all the gods from this world. This causes his own power to fade, but Ryu (the human part) is left behind. So now he gets to be friends with Nina forever, but he doesn’t have any of his magic. And Deis decides to live out eternity in a magical suit of armor, I guess. I kind of wish Deis had left and Ershin, the armor, was our companion.

In the “credits” things happen. Nothing too exciting, but something very frustrating: Yuna lives. WTF?! The biggest bastard in the game, most deserving of a slow and painful death LIVES! He makes a comment about the gods leaving, but that’s ok cause he can make new ones...and that’s just it. Like, WHAT?!?! The whole reason Nina and Cray went on a quest and met Ryu was because of Yuna. The most evil and cruel acts in the game, which inspire Fou Lu to destroy humanity, is because of Luna! And the end of the game is just Luna being excited to get back to work?!?!?

I did read that he was supposed to die in some sequence that got cut. I feel that was a pretty severe mistake. That’s like Final Fantasy 7 cutting out a final confrontation with Sephiroth, or in Resident Evil you find out Wesker lured the team here but then never see him again. Or, you know, every mystery in Lost.

SO, as a moderate fan of JRPGs and huge fan of story driven games, Breath of Fire IV is a solid 7/10. All the BoF games with which I’m familiar (3, 4, 5) have great personalities and world building. I feel like there’s love and care given to each zone and town. I know I said this before, but BoF3 felt more personal while BoF4 feels more epic. They both start out strong, but then lose steam by the halfway point and later. Honestly, FF7 doesn’t hold its pacing for very long. The problem is they set up feature length film-sized stories and try to stretch across a 25 episode seasonal arch. In both 3 and 4, the objective becomes too clear, too soon, and then it’s a bunch of contrived obstacles adding length.

I’m curious how they could have fixed four. Maybe don’t make it super obvious that Ryu and Fou-Lu need to rejoin. Or don’t make it the prime objective. Take Star Wars, at the end of Strikes Back, Darth reveals he’s Luke’s father. BoF4, it’s revealed that Fou Lu and Ryu are the same dragon. While Return of the Jedi operates with the truth revealed and the constant concern that Luke will have to face his father, it’s not the objective. The Objective is to blow up the Death Star 2.0. Luke and Vader’s relationship complicate that. So in BoF4--a cease fire exists between the Empire and the Alliance. Fou-Lu and the truth behind Nina are leading to a break in that cease fire. All-out war is inevitable. Nina knows that whether they beat the empire or not, the war would be devastating; so she’s against it. Fou Lu becomes so angry with humans, that by the time he takes back his seat, there’s no stopping the war machine. We decide to face Fou Lu directly. But before that decision is made, we travel the world--building alliances with other nations by solving their problems, or disrupting imperial sabotage.

This is kind of the problem with having a too direct plot. Take Game of Thrones S1. It was very direct about the main conflicts: Lanisters trying to gain power, Starks trying to up hold justice, Daenerys trying to “go home” and create the perfect nation. Then season two comes along and broadens the scope. But season 5-6, there’s so many main characters and subplots the show can barely take two steps forward. I don’t think the broader, slower moving later seasons would have bugged me if the show was presented as a “day in the life of a Westerosi” vs having established a very specific and direct set of conflicts.

Anyway. I love Breath of Fire even if it doesn’t blow me away. I’ve got other games to play, but part of me wants to grab a copy of Breath of Fire V.

#Zach's Game Journal #Breath of Fire IV #PlayStation #PS1 #DuckStation #video games #COMPLETED #Just get it over with!

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obduratemoon · 4 years

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Sedimentary City 07: MEDICINE MAN

From the high precipice of a mountain he looked down and far away there in the shadowed plains an army with grey standards fluttering in the wind, the people small and many like ants. Amongst them were catapults that rolled themselves by some dark magic with men, bound and blindfolded, sitting in the ladle like buckets waiting for the moment when they should be sent towards their parabolic terminus.

Consciousness crept in slowly and cautiously on gentle cat paws. Was he still in the dream of catapults and men? In the penumbra of closed eyes, he tried to investigate the hypostasis of his awareness and could not tell if it ended in reality or illusion. He slowly willed his heavy lids to open.

It took Jan a long time to comprehend his situation but with time he came to understand that he was in a hospital bed, the thick tube of an IV running into one arm, the other firmly strapped and secured to the railings. He felt a pang of panic as he recalled the events that led him here, a chill that was, however, blunted by a certain distance of sensation. It rolled in slowly and in waves like some far off reverberation. Morphinated and sedated he lay there oddly comfy given the circumstances, enjoying the feeling of being wrapped in a familiar duvet or sunk deep into the ground, buried and forgotten already.

He knew that he was good and fucked and needed to escape, but it proved difficult to motivate himself. Jan tried to turn over the pistons of cogitation, but his mind remained placid and happily paralyzed, jellied as aspic. The white noise in his brain was soft and gentle, a richly layered tapestry of susurrations and hisses which frustrated and covered any attempt at melody. Jan tried a meditative practice but the thick fog yet remained whole and unrent. He relented and found peace in that noisily anechoic place.

Jan fell into a troubled, doubting sleep and woke up to see an old man with a shock of grey hair and a white doctor’s coat worrying all around him. Half lidded, he listened for a long time to the sounds of the man shuffling about and muttering to himself. Finally, the old man turned towards Jan and, upon seeing that the patient was awake, said: “Ah, you’re finally up. How are you feeling?”

Jan replied with a half hearted shrug. “Tired,” he said, the action of speaking felt odd and constrained. Yes, there is definitely something wrong, he thought. His tongue felt heavy and sticky, a giant alien worm in his mouth.

“Well that’s to be expected, you took quite a beating, although nothing that won’t heal in time.”

“Yes, time,” Jan replied quietly.

Everything in the room indicated that he was in an antiquated hospital. On Level 1 he would have been fully enclosed in a Health-Suit, one arrayed with a variety of instruments inside taking measurements that fed into a Homeostasis Engine, a unit of computation which would calculate his care. The suit could distribute nanobots, fluids, and medicine as well as massage parts of his body to stimulate blood and lymph flow. It also had collection manifolds for urine, feces, pus and other drippings from wounds and orifices. One hardly saw doctors face to face anymore on Level 1.

“Ah, but the silver lining is that your insurance is good," the doctor said with a tired but irascible expression, “really fine! As to be expected from someone from Level 1 -- you’re very lucky! I’ve got the morphine flow set on high, only the best alkaloids!”

“Actually, I was wondering if you could turn it down, I would rather be more lucid.” Jan replied, trying not to sound ungrateful.

“Huh, what’s that? You want to turn it down? You’ll regret it when your muscles start to spasm.”

“Spasm?”

The doctor’s brows furrowed subtly and he moved closer to the bed to face Jan. “Your jaw’s been split in two, right down the middle.” The doctor pointed two fingers at Jan and then made a slicing motion sagittally bisecting the wounded head. “My guess is that it happened when you fell on your face. Or maybe it was from the beating you got, who knows? Did someone mistake your head for a football?”

“I don’t remember.”

“Ah, just as well, I doubt it was a pleasant memory.” The old doctor moved over to the IV machine and inspected its display panel, nodding approvingly while murmuring to himself: “Uh-huh uh-huh, well these look ok.”

Once satisfied with the instrument readings, he turned to Jan, “So, anyhow, the two sides of your jaw are now all shifted and skewed like tectonic plates -- you know what a tectonic plate is?”

“Yes.”

“Ah ok, not everyone does, a lot of people think all that’s underneath is just another lousy level. They aren’t even aware of Earth much less anything deeper. But who can blame them? Most people never leave their level. I guess you aren’t one of those people, huh?”

The doctor looked at Jan who merely stared back mutely. Getting no response, he continued, “The two sides of your lower jaw are like those tectonic plates now and your muscles aren’t used to having them moving and shifting, so they spasm, hard mind you, trying to put your face back together. It’s sort of like earthquakes on your face!”

“Huh.” No wonder his mouth felt strange, Jan thought. He tongued his lower incisors and noticed now that they seemed to be misaligned, one side subducted inwards, the normally smooth curve of his teeth broken by this rude discontinuity. He was struck by how unrecognizable and unfamiliar this mouth felt, as if it was unowned by Jan.

“The spasms are very painful, you’d be howling without the morphine so be grateful. Not everyone gets enough and most get the synthetics, so like I said, you’re lucky. Plus the howling will only make the spasms worse.”

The doctor then leaned in and said in a lowered and confidential voice, “Also, I prefer the patients to be quiet and calmer anyway, the walls are thin and it would disturb the other patients. No one likes to hear screaming when they are sick and dying, it just reminds them that they are sick and dying.”

Jan wondered if he would die here on level 5. He had been so ready to do so not long ago but somehow the idea now gave him the chills. Or perhaps it was what they could do to him while alive that scared him.

“Do you know why I’m strapped into this bed?” Jan asked, nodding at his bound arm.

“Oh yea, the police brought you in, they said you had to be secured and that you were to be detained and questioned. Reminds me, I’m supposed to send them in when you woke up,” the doctor leaned in again and, with hushed tones, asked, “So what d’ya do?”

Jan did not reply for a time, mired for a spell in his own worries. This will end badly, he thought.

“I was in a street fight.” Jan replied eventually, “So what about my jaw? Will it heal on its own?”

The doctor looked at him incredulously, “Ha! If the police cared about street fights then I’m a member of the Central Bureau! Well, whatever. The bones will fuse back together again naturally, but will probably be misaligned. My advice is to have it seen to on Level 1, that is, if you can get back there. We can fix it here as well but the approach may be, uh, a bit more crude.”

He looked at Jan significantly, “I guess it all depends on what happens next with the police.”

“Huh, yea.”

Jan closed his eyes and sank down into his bed. The reality of the situation was bleeding through the adiabatic insulation of the opiates. He did not relish the interrogations that would soon commence and some part of him was desperate to escape, to chew off his beshackled arm like a wild animal and be far away from all of this.

The old man stepped back and gazed at his broken patient, brows knit. A sadness flashed through his rictus of shabby joviality.

“Hey, listen, maybe I can help you a little, make you lucid enough to pass muster with the cops, but still not feel it. You want it?”

Jan reopened his eyes, “Yea, please.”

The doctor sighed. “I don’t know how you got into this mess, a lot of people come in and out of here, each with their own sob stories and doomed futures. A doctor can only heal such a little bit of each person, really just janitors cleaning up after the brutality of the system. Ok, let me whip up something for you.”

He went back to the IV machine and scanned his badge, tapping and waving his hands over the input panel evoking a percussion of beeps and boops. “You should be all set now, I’ve got it to drip in slowly over the next 10 minutes, it should make it a bit easier.”

“Thank you”

“Yea, hang in there ok?”, the doctor leaned in close again and said in a low hush, “those pigs are a bunch of fucking sadists.” The old man tapped Jan gently on the chest and gave him a worn out smile, a smile that had once been strong and genuine but made threadbare and eroded by life and its vagaries.

Jan’s chest went sweet and tight where the doctor had tapped, a sudden rush of emotion rising up and swarming his toros. Unexpected kindness can be a sucker punch to the heart. He returned the smile, one rusty from disuse, “Yea, well, I feel better knowing I’ve got the best alkaloids, Doc.”

#sedimentary city

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celestialallstars · 5 years

Text

Episode #16: “Well, this is the end folks.” - Stephen

I WANT TO QUIT

I AM GOING TO QUIT

MICHAEL DESERVED BETTER HE WAS MY FUCKING F2 AND BEST FRIEND IN THIS GAME AND IM SO FUCKINF MAD I LOVE HIM WITH MY WHOLE HEART HE DESERVES WAY BETTER THAN THIS FUCK THIS CASST SO MUCH I CANT STOP FUCKING CRYING

#FuckChris

FUCK THIS CAST FUCK THIS CAST FUCK THIS CAST FUCK THIS CAST FUCK THIS CAST FUCK THIS CAST FUCK THIS CAST FUCK THIS CAST FUCK THIS CAST FUCK THIS CAST FUCK THIS CAST FUCK THIS CAST

EITHER IM QUITTING OR IM WINNING OUT OF SPITE WATCH THIS SPACE

Feel like pure shit just want Michael back

Bryce messaging me like “hey bowling ball” SHUT UR FUCKING FACE BRYCE DO NOT START TRYING TO TALK TO ME RN I AM MAD AT YOU

I MADE FINAL FIVE AND I HAVE AN IDOL I LEARNED MY MISTAKES IM MAKING FINAL FOUR I BEAT MY PLACEMENT WOOO I makin sure history dont be repeating doe

Alrighty, I am hoping that one of Chloe or Zach leaves this round. I dont know how the idol is going to go but I think Chloe's the safest bet for us as I still feel Zach could have it. Still, I can't risk a Loris situation so I would prefer it if Stephen won immunity. I do feel bad for him and I just hope he still trusts me even if I lost a little last night. Right now I think if Crystal Clear is the F4 then it could do a lot of good if anyone but Bryce wins it but I hope Stephen is wanting to go to the end still now

So, THAT happened. Chris lied and sided with Bryce and Zach instead of splitting like we planned! Greeaaaaaat.

He says it happened shortly before tribal, but when he told me his reason, he said it was because of Michael attempting to make an F3 deal, which is something that happened the day before.

I did have an interesting chat with Zach where he said me and him are essentially seen as Chris and Bryce's +1's and our chances of winning sitting next to them might be pretty low based on that perception. Obviously I want Bryce out before Chris, but I need to start realistically thinking of cutting Chris at some point. He did go behind my back here and staying blindly loyal despite that just seems foolish. He said he'd use the idol on me this round which is great and all, but if Bryce wins immunity... well... what are my options? Honestly the best case scenario is me or Chris winning immunity just so we can be sure about playing the idol on the one who loses and voting Bryce out.

I hope that bad scenario doesn't have to play out, but let's just say at this point I think Zach and Chloe are my best possible F3. Which is interesting considering I just tried to get Zach out!

It does kinda suck to hear Michael say what he said. I get he was upset but like I dunno. It didnt help but at the same time I don't feel too bad knowing that he made an f3 without me in it. My hope was that it makes the others think more on NOT bringing me to the end so I want to use it to my advantage as much as I can to still win it all if its possible

This vote has been so messy it's ridiculous. I know Chris has the idol and is likely playing it on himself, so I'm trying to get Zach and Chloe to throw their vote on him so me and Chris can decide who goes. I was considering actually voting him out for a bit but I don't think that's feasible without their being an imminent reason for him to use the idol on someone else.

So I told Chloe and Zach the plan, and I told Bryce the plan was Chloe and used idol-fear as my fake reason. Hopefully it's a strong enough justification for him to buy it and just vote for her, but he's immune so he personally has nothing to fear tonight. It's been a hard day and I hope everything pans out as I expect and I'm not on the bad end of all the plans LOL.

im in f4 wooh but no chance at winning i think im gonna be blindsided by zach tonight so thats fun if chris goes im legit over but idk how to fix that i ened to make sure chris votes stephen with me but idt he will

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Chloe: How does michael leaving impact the game?

Michael leaving the game probably means it’s a bit more open for people to make moves and shake things up even more which is TERRIFYING. In my eyes Michael had a lot of control over people that was going unnoticed.

go to an optometrist queen

im trying to do stuff but who knows oh well LOL SDGMLKDSGKDSGKDMSKGDSK i want chris out but he probs has idol all i know is unless theres an idol nullifier i be makin f4 tho

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Chloe is voted out 2-2-1. She becomes the eighth member of our jury.

Watch Chloe’s exit interview take place below:

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Welp! I've survived probably my closest call all game. I wish I could make it to the end while being targeted a bit less but I can settle for this. Anyway, selecting Chloe to be my target ended up being the correct decision, since she was the only person other than me who could be targeted. I'm so close to the end again, and the people still in don't see me as much of a winner threat. I hope they're wrong sksksksksksks

I think winning this immunity challenge and being the reason Bryce goes home could boost my odds quite a bit, but I need to be ready for the possibility of not winning the immunity challenge as well. Still, I have F2 deals with Chris and Zach, so that's another reason to avoid wanting to choose between them here. No reason to make anyone madder than they need to be.

I guess a lot is riding on the last comp and I enjoy it because it does show how it isn't clear cut as far as what will happen next.

ok so results in 2.5 hours and i know im not winning its so sad but its just sth that i have to face. i tried my hardest at endurance but fell alseep. before and after.. i have no brain. counting? literally my least fave thing on orgs the actual anxiety it gives me is unreal. winterbells???? anyways. the puzzle prob the only thign i can do alright at and i just know zach beat me at it too. and like just like my og season i feel like if i dont win i go home.at least there i dont think maynor would have voted me but here i dont have a maynor and i will get 3-1'd even tho i dont think its the right move like ugh this is so sad i rly just wanted to show i deserved my win and my spot on all stars and i cant even win final immunity its so embarrassing why do i even play orgs this will be my last mark my WORDS going out on one of my fave orgs ever will be cute anyway yay wooh haha im so random...

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im so sad like im depressed this sucks im gonna get 3-1'd for WHAT why wont zach take me what could i have done differently except be better at immunity like ive had no agency since f9 rhys blindside and its like that has been annoying but it was always with the end goal being yes i may not have gotten to play how i wanted to but at least ill make ftc how cute. but i dont even get to do that and its like ppl just say i was a shield well i have feelings and i dont like being used as a shield why am i so melodramatic its literally an online game but im just tired of being used and thrown away and so what if ive listened to liability 10 times since i woke up this morning that has nothing to do with me feeling like im a toy that ppl grow bored of.

Its been one heck of a rollercoaster but I have a little faith for this last tribal. I was sad to have lost the final challenge but I feel it can perhaps help my overall game if Im able to make it to the final three. With that in mind, its time to enact my final plan. While I have openly acknowledged Bryce's threat level to people I sorta was in need of certain things falling into place- Zach winning was the first part even if it would have been nice for Stephen/myself. Now is the part I pretty much spell it out for him that taking Bryce not only equals less jury votes but also could take votes that Zach would have since Bryce is viewed as the stronger of the duo. I basically have to make Zach be fully on board to get out his biggest threat to winning.

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As for Bryce, it was nice to play with him but I do hope he is serious about voting Stephen because it then guarantees that not only am I safe but that I can get him out. Alas Justice4Mitch has never died but if I can pull it off after basically convincing Bryce I was not against him while also just painting Zach as a necessary meat shield then I have a chance! I dunno how it would go down with the jury but thats moot until I see "18th person voted out and the final member of the jury...@Bryce"

So I made a bit of a mistake last night. Zach won immunity and I assumed it was pretty clear Bryce was gonna go 3-1 no strings attached, and I told him my reasons for voting him. Bryce isn't giving up though. He came up with a plan with Chris to get Zach to put his vote on Chris, and then the 2 of them vote me out. It's not the craziest idea I've ever heard which is why I think I made a mistake telling Bryce the truth.

Knowing this, I went to Zach and told him everything about this plan. Hopefully it makes Zach too gun-shy to consider voting for Chris and, since I don't think he wants me out that only leaves Bryce as an option. I wish I was immune and had nothing to worry about but here we are! If Bryce can dig himself out of this he'll have a really good shot to win though. And Chris/Zach have to be aware of that.

youtube

im livid im depressed and my hair is such a mess.

this is likely my penultimate confessional [that is lengthy] so here we go.

i won immunity. im so happy. I MADE FINAL TRIBAL!! even if i lose, i still made it here, in an allstar season - which is just phenomenal. top 3 out of 21... WOO! and i beat my placement and improved my game (in my subjective opinion) and so i feel like i got what i wanted out of this game. i didn't even need the immunity tbh but.. it's just a relief to have it because it secures my game and allows me a bit more control than the average person at F4.

when it comes to the vote, i think the frontrunners are chris + bryce. i think neither are a cut-and-dry win, but i think they are the two people that the jury is currently praising to a degree. it's also known that those two are on the chopping block for this round, and i believe i'm in a swing vote position (stephen/chris voting bryce, bryce voting chris - i can tie it or send bryce home).

this is where it becomes tricky. i love all these people, especially bryce. he's my best friend and we've been through this game hand in hand. i would love to see him win, and i would prefer him as a victor over stephen/chris (no offence to them, just as personal taste obviously). but, i think he's an obstacle for me come FTC. the jury has perceived me to be his goat (or just a follower of his), and while that's not true (both bryce and i have played briefly separate games and have taken some control at varying points), perception matters a lot. like, it's not reality - but it is critical to who wins this game. so i think i need to do my utmost best to reverse that perception.

my main strategy throughout merge (and i mentioned this in early confessionals) was to highlight bryce as a bigger threat [giving him another challenge win, hyping him up to people, etc.] so that in our inevitably perceived duo, he would be the bigger fish to fry. while at times this failed (ie f8 when I was the target of the split vote), i fixed it by ensuring jared's elimination because he was the person keeping bryce alive and that was awareness!! woo!! but overall, with the whole "shield strategy", it becomes redundant imo if you take that shield to FTC. bryce, as someone who's been consistently targeted (him and i both tbh), if he gets to the end, that becomes so impressive. even if he hasn't made many moves or whatever, it's that underdog-like story that likely ensures him the gold in my eyes. i would love to see him win!! he's the best candidate (on a personal level) to be sandra diaz-twine (though he's being so fat to me right now, as i am to him though). but i feel like my prominent strategy only ever comes into fruition if i eliminate him, and that's where i'm leaning (and he knows that).

while chris could win (or even stephen, i won't exclude him), it's all a risk. if they do, then good game!! but i think ive played to a great standard and have proven myself, and i've shown divergence from bryce and others and while some moves failed, i attempted to be flexible and that in and of itself speaks a lot! woo!! this is a deserving final four imo (higher than average for most final ours). this allstar season has been hectic, every vote being so diverse, so regardless of the final outcome, it's an achievement that us four made it here.

i could be majorly misinterpreting this game as a whole, but who cares. chris and stephen are both great speakers, so it'll be a tossup in that regard, but i just have to do what's best. maybe i vote out chris though. i'm torn, and it's not because of what anyone has said, it's just an internalized conflict that's like... do i vote out my best friend but i think it's smarter or do i vote out another threat and just hope the jury can recognize that i had a stronger game than perceived.

i think i know the answer though. and i hope that when he (BRYCE LKSDGLKSD i love him im on call with him ill link a pic below) goes to jury he can be my cheerleader... bc i lav him. if not i understand. but I HOPE he doesn't hate me remotely seriously because i value our friendship immensely... but i didn't come here to play for second. will i get second (or third)? sure. it's possible. but at least i didn't *play* for it, if that makes sense.

link to bryce on cam suffocating himself with a pillow in response to me potentially voting him out: https://imgur.com/BgFRtsK

that's all. MAYBE I DONT WRITE ANOTHER CONFESSIONAL THIS IS TOO STRESSFUL AND LONG AND MY FINGERS ARE CRAMPING. but that's it. love yawls. mwah.

IM SO DEPRESSED IM GETTING 3-1 HOW DO I HAVE SUCH BAD SOCIAL GAME WHY AM I THE WORST PERSON TO EVER PLAY THE GAME WHATS THE POINT OF PLAY 77 DAYS IF I CANT BE A TWO TIME WINNER I RUIN MY SLEEP SCHEDULE I PUSH THROUGH MY EPISODES OF SADNESS TO TRY TO WIN AND ITS ALL FOR NOTHING BC IM AN UNLIKABLE AND NO ONE WANTS TO SIT NEXT TO ME IN THE END LIKE THATS SO CRAZY ITS INSANE I JUST WANT SOMEONE TO LIKE ME https://cdn.discordapp.com/attachments/613389489154293780/634539770583973888/unknown.png

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i thought most betrayed was jared to me but turns out its zach to me

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Bryce is voted out 3-1. He becomes the ninth and final member of our jury.

Watch Bryce’s exit interview take place below:

youtube

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Ahhh I cant believe I made it to FTC. Its pretty surreal to have actually made it after everything's that happened! I am so nervous about FTC because I know a lot of people may not be thrilled to see me and I have to do a lot lf convincing...but this is where I have to try to give everything my all and hope it will work out!

Well, this is the end folks.

My final confessional of All-Stars. Will it be my final Celestial confessional? Who knows. All I know at this point is that my speech is ready and I'm speculating as to what questions I will be asked and what my answers will be. Finally being at the end of an ORG is so surreal but winning this thing after all the nonsense would be so sweet.

Making it to the end with Chris is great too, even if I kinda wish he was just on the jury supporting me. This is our second time playing an ORG together but the first time we played we both went pre-merge, so this really is a big deal for us.

I'm proud of the game I've played though, and I want to make sure that comes across tonight. Even if I ultimately end up losing I won't let myself be called a goat or "just playing for FTC". I came here to win from the very beginning and by the end of the night everyone is going to know that.

I am so nervous for this FTC that I don't think I'll do that good, BUT I'm gonna put on my acting abilities and pretend I am confident and own everything I can! It's do or die and I'm not ready to be six feet under yet!

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So I'm very happy with myself when its all said and done! This was such a journey for me in that whether I win or lose I feel satisfied with myself because I had highs and lows and learned things- wishing my fellow finalists the best of luck and huge thank you to the hosts for allowing this to even exist here :)

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Zach wins in an 8-1-0 vote!

#episode #shinebright

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