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#ive had things happen to me that will fuck me up forever
opens-up-4-nobody · 9 months
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#hello to anyone who happens to b interested in the saga of my life... also maybe the irl person i gave my url to... hopefully my blog#didnt freak her out too much lol. anyway so its been a busy week? 2 weeks? month? year? life? its been a lot. my parents helped me move#across the country from the desert to somewhere that's beautiful and green. my dad is so jealous of me lol its so so so pretty and theres s#so much to do. will i do any of it? that remains to be seen but im gonna try to be better about that sort of thing. try to get some help#with the thoughts in my head that keep me from doing and enjoying most things. its weird like im decorating my new room which i love. the#location and living situation seem ideal and i really hope i can stay here all 5 years of my program but i was picking a lot of bright#colors and now it feel uncomfortable. like if i wear things that r too bright or my room is too bright without dark contrast it feel weird#like if im wearing it it kinda makes me feel sick. idk what thats abt. anyway. ill try to heal my brain and im just so happy to b out of the#southwest. i was so so so excited when we were leaving thr city and even more so when we left the state. i cant believe im here. in December#it felt like a million years away and i really truely could not fathom how i was gonna survive that long. my thoughts were so distorted. but#i did and here i am. and in like a month i should b starting my phd program and my parents were telling me how excited ppl r for me and#jealous of where im living and im glad. im glad they're excited. i think i am too but its under a layer of: if i get excited it wont happen#im not allowed to b excited or it wont happen. which is irrational but ya kno. anyway so that's yeah. im so happy to have a fresh start and#the town seems super cool. a liberal blip in a sea of... not that so theyre very visibly pride forward haha and i think itll b way easier#for me to get around without driving. and im gonna try to make friends. i need someone to tell me where to get tattoos haha. so yea im happy#but exhausted and i dont wanna go back to work and so so greatful to my parents for being wonderful ppl idk how bc both of them had fucked#up childhoods. like my mum will say the saddest shit and im like bro this is y i don't wanna talk to my grandma fuck her and my dads parents#r so fucked. like my nana is the reason im so fucking control freaked out but i kno i have issues and she has no insight and thinks shes#better than everyone. anyway hopefully i can get back to drawing a posting more now. ive been drawing it its been in a sketch book#like an actual sketch book for sketching big ideas thst r gonna take fucking forever to draw 😭#so that's all. just uprooted my whole life. thats all. but in a good way :-]#unrelated
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“if they could, they would’ve just brushed it under the rug-money is more important to them”
Have you considered the fact that, i dunno this is just a hunch, a guess even- that they’re humans???? with human emotions? and have human reactions to shit??? 
not cooperate greedy anime/cartoon dudes?! of course they’re gonna care about one of their head-people having an enteral work affair with one of their employees, i get that you have lost all hope in humanity/people/men but don't push that shit onto some random dudes who did their best to deal with the situation and then full on fired that one dude in the most professional way they could-they had already dealt with all this before we even found out about it.
sorry i needed to rant
people are stupid and cant comprehend men have human feelings and aren't cartoon greedy men 
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polaraffect · 4 months
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#damien.txt#so listen. i've been kind of fucking depressed for the past 3 months ish#and im going to tell a story related to that in the tags so. if u continue to read. judgement free zone for me pls okay?#cool cool so im like. Really bad abt taking care of my self & my surroundings when im depressed#esp bc like. im in school & work so. literally ALL of my energy goes to those two things#and i will go. weeks upon weeks not cleaning my room#not throwing out trash. which i am AWARE is gross. but truly i would get home and pass tf out and then wake up and#start the day again. like i just truly was not engaging it in any way#anyways. so there's this library book that's been sitting on my nightstand for around a month ish#and ive also been using it as a place for other nightstand things- putting cups on. glasses at night. etc.#well. so i get an email that this book is due back tomorrow. so im like 'oh i should put this book in my backpack'#and i lift it up..... and fuck. there is literally spotty mold ALL. OVER. the back of this fucking book#i guess one of the cups i left on the night stand leaked liquid onto my nightstand and then it soaked into the book or something#and the book didnt move for a Month so like. it's had forever to just sit there and mold over.#and fuck. fuck! i was having such a good night before this too.#now im like.... what the fuck do i even do#i probably just need to go turn it in & pay the fucking expensive fee but like. fuck me. i wanna cry#it always feels like one thing on top of another. like things just are constantly going wrong in my life#and like i Know this is not. the biggest deal in the world. but it just feels like such a dumb fucking thing to happen idk.#anyways. gonna cry abt that and. i guess figure out what im doing with it tomorrow /:
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clownboy-yeehonk · 4 months
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sleepii-moth · 2 years
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oh the horrible urge to rearrange my whole room even tho i know my parents would never let me
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evie-sturns · 1 month
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no one has to know what we do - Chris Sturniolo
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summary: ever since you met the triplets in 3rd grade, youve had been closest with chris. you've never admitted it to anyone but you've been madly inlove with him for a few years now. the triplets 20th birthday comes around, they celebrate by inviting the friend group to their house for the weekend, what happens when you and chris are left alone in his bedroom, will things stay the same, or will you two be forced to sneak around.
contains: smut, fwb!chris, sneaking around friends, swearing, fluff.
------------------┌── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ──┐-----------———-
♫.. no one has to know what we do, his hands are in my hair, his clothes are in my room..♫
I've known the triplets since i could walk, marylou and my mom met in highschool so i've grown up around the nick matt and chris my whole life. ive always been closest with chirs,
but i hate to admit the fact that i've been thinking about him differently, a lot differently. i've never though about matt in that way though, even though they're practically the same. it's something about chris's hair, i've always wondered how my fingers would feel laced through his brown locks while he rests between my thighs.
6:39pm, friday night.
i push open the sturniolos front door to find nick, chris, matt, madi, nate, and several other friends from highschool, hannah, grace and yolanda, leaning on the counter, all laughing with eachother.
''hey!!" chris says with a wide grin, running up to me and wrapping his arms around me. "chrisss" i smile back at him.
this weekend is the sturniolos birthday, they've invited madi, me, nathan, and 3 other friends round for friday night, saturday and sunday, for those three nights chris and i are sharing a room, alone.
he grabs my small tote brag i brought and chucks it into the spare room. i walk into the kitchen and greet everyone else, instantly getting dragged by nick into the living room.
"we're watching the grinch." madi declares, "fuck no! its the middle of fucking august" nick yells back, nate chimes in, adding something to the debate.
before i can open my mouth i feel a cold hand grab my arm, its chris.
my head swings around, my hair hitting his neck. "c'mon" chris says, taking me over to the couch and throwing himself down and patting the spot next to him. i flop next to him, cuddling close to his side as everybody else piles down, "so we're watching the grinch?" madi says with a cheeky smile, "no." nick instantly replies, switching the tv on.
the intro song to rapunzel blasts through the small room, a loud cheer comes from the 7 other people around chris and i.
i'm basically frozen, my mouth won't move and i can feel my heart pounding out of my chest. sure, chris and i have been friends forever but god hes been so physical the past few weeks its been hard to hold myself together.
"you okay?" chris whispers down into my hair.
"yeah!" i chirp back
"you seem nervous"
"im not."
im 90% sure he knows.
"im sorry this movie is ASS." nate says, interrupting the movie. "gotta say, i do kinda agree with you." madi replies, "i told you the grinch was better!" she says, earning a boo from nick.
nick leans over to me, "go get a boardgame from chris's room cause these fuck heads aren't happy with rapunzel." he tutts.
i heave myself up off the couch, "chris where do you keep your array of boardgames" i scoff, shaking my head with a smile. "first of all i dont have 50 boardgames i play" he laughs as he walks over to me.
i walk upstairs towards chris's room, him closley behind me still yapping about the fact hes not that big of a fan of board games.
i open the large wooden door to chris's room, the familiar sight filling my vision.
chris shuts the door behind us, i don't question it, he probably just wants to keep his room air conditioned. i look back at him,
"so where are the-" i start but get interrupted by chris's hand on my jaw, he looks at my lips then my eyes, then my lips before slamming his onto mine.
i kiss him back. of course i do? i've practically dreamt about this moment since i was 16.
"i know i make you nervous y/n" he rasps into my lips, his second hand grabbing my cheek as he walks us back, our lips still connected as my back hits the wall, pinning me down slightly with his mouth.
he pulls away for a second, scanning my face for a readable expression. "chris" i breathe out, running my hand through my hair.
"im sorry, im so fucking sorry i shouldnt've done that-" he starts, taking a step back, "chris." i interrupt him, reconnecting our lips.
"you make me nervous, really fucking nervous." i say into his lips, his hand finds its way to the back of my head, his fingers intertwined in my hair.
suddenly the door to his bedroom rattles, i instantly pull away, my head spinning round to look at the door which is being pushed open/
madi, matt, nick and 3 of our other friends walk in, all laughing with each other about god knows what, i scramble towards the closet, looking for any board game i can.
i pull out the despicable me version of 'game of life' which has several minions on the front. a small laugh exits my mouth before i join the small circle which has formed on the floor with our friends.
"y/n...." matt says with a laugh, grabbing the board game off me "despicable me?" hannah says with a scoff
"im sorry! chris doesn't have the collection of board games i expected!" i tease back.
"it'll be okay!" grace says, a somewhat optimistic smile painted across her face.
chris joins the circle of friends on the floor, sitting down opposite me. hes got a small panicked expression, his lips red and raw, his cheeks a deep pink. his eyes are fixed on mine.
"so whos gonna roll first?" nick chuckles.
(8:45pm)
madi won the boardgame about 30 minutes ago, i've been laying on the floor of chris's room with all of our friends, execept for chris.
he disappeared while everyone was celebratings madis 'epic' win.
"we've gotta play truth or dare.." yolanda says, "like the corny middle school shit you know?"
nick claps his hands with a goofy grin, followed by matt rolling his eyes but later agreeing.
"nick, truth or dare" grace laughs,
i stand up off the floor, walking out of chris's room while everyones distracted watching nick try to do a head stand.
the wooden stairs creak as i jog down them, i swing open the back door and im met with chris. he's sitting on the outdoor bench, scrolling aimlessly through his phone.
his head shoots up to look at me as i walk over to the bench, sitting under it.
"hey!" he says smiling, then putting his phone down on the armrest.
"how was despicable me game of life?" chris nudges me in the arm, a stupid smile on his pink lips.
"shut up!" i scoff, flicking his arm softly.
a silence fills the air, only sounds of distant cars vaguely humming in the background. chris runs a hand through his brunette hair, his long fingers peeking through the strands of his hair.
"um-" chris clears his throat.
"chris.." i whisper i start, then get off by his voice
"i dont think i'm ready for a relationship."
my heart sinks.
i didnt even say i liked him like that to his face?
"come with me." he declares, standing up abruptly grabbing my hand and pulling me inside.
everyone's hanging out in the living room, nobodys really paying attention to rapunzel anymore. nicks head shoots up "y/n come over!!" he smiles at me.
"we're gonna go get ready for bed, super tired." chris speaks for me. i run over to nick, giving him and matt a goodnight hug before returning to chris. he grabs my hand firmly then pulls me upstairs into his room, slamming the door shut behind us
my heart thumps as chris looks down at me, his hand reaches out for my chin, his other hand firmly gripping my waist as his fingertips lightly squeeze my waist. i stare at his lips, he stares at mine before colliding them for the second time today.
without another word his shirt is across the room, his necklace resting on his chest. my shirt follows, ending up somewhere around the room. "chris" i moan lightly into his lips as his hand snakes round to my back, unclasping my bra and letting it fall to the floor.
he frantically rips off his sweatpants, i shimmy my shorts down my legs.
the air surrounding us grows hot as i fall back onto his bed, "chris- we can't, nick always tells me that he'd kill me if i even though about his brothers sexually, i mean-" i ramble, but chris cuts me off.
"no one has to know what we do." he whispers, his hands intertwined in my hair.
my eyes switch from chris, to the amount of our clothes scattered across his room, the same room chris and i grew up in.
i nod "okay." a smile creeps across my face.
chris pulls off my panties, throwing them ontop of his desk. he pauses for a second, his eyes exploring every inch of my body. "oh my god." he mutters, "you okay?" he asks quickly while he pulls down his boxers, his hard length springing out. his dick is strangely perfect, "yeah, more than okay.." i whisper, my eyes fixed on his cock.
he nods "you've done.. this before right?" chris laughs slightly. "yeah- yeah" i giggle. "you're so pretty." he says, stroking his length while his eyes stare at my exposed body.
"ready?" he asks, his tip lightly pressing against my hole.
i'm not even fully processing whats happening right now, the boy i've secretly been practically inlove with for a few years is now about to fuck me.
"very." i tease, gripping the sheets for support. he pushes into me, a low whimper escaping his mouth "squeezing me so well." he stutters, bottoming out in me.
i let out a string of moans as i arch my back off the bed "so good, doing so good." he says, his thrusts rapidly increasing in pace and intensity. his fingers lace into my hair, tugging lightly but not painfully.
i let out a desperate groan "chris- fuck!"
he reaches a hand down and presses on my lower stomach, feeling how deep he is inside of me. "you feel me?" he says in between thrusts.
I squeeze my eyes shut, my vision fogged.
"i said you feel me?" he mumbles, his hair flopping with each time his tip hits my cervix.
"yes! yes-" i blurt out,
chris grabs my throat, pinning me down to the bed.
my eyes open in shock, a few short breaths exiting my mouth.
"finish, finish for me."
and with those words i do, i clench around him and release my built up orgasm. chris instantly lets go of my throat being careful not to push me too hard, he pulls out, painting my stomach with warm streaks of white.
"fuck...." he groans, throwing his head back.
i catch my breath as chris collapses next to me, he pulls me ontop of his body as he strokes my hair.
"you did so well." he whispers into my hair.
after a good 10 minutes of laying in silence i break it,
"um chris.."
"yes?" he replies.
"what are we.. now."
another silence fills the room "i dont know." he says, a bit of guilt in his voice.
he starts "i mean if you give me a few weeks we can put a label on us or we could just stay friends and forget this happened but i dont know if i want that because i really enjoyed this but i mean we could be friends with benefits-"
i interuppt his rambles "friends with benefits!?" i say with a small smile.
"if you want, could be fun like sneaking around.."
i nod frantically at chris's words "i'd like that."
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(saturday 5pm)
after yesterday nights unexpected encounter chris and i have kept our promise, this whole day everyones been hanging out at the pool but currently we're in the bathroom, and hes fully inside of me.
"fuck-" he mumbles, slamming into me as i sit on the countertop. my bikini bottoms are pulled to the side as he pounds into me repeatedly, "close." he warns.
i clench around him, the knot in my stomach snapping as i release around his length with a scream of his name. he pulls out, orgasming on my thighs.
"you okay?" he asks, panting as he wipes my thigh with his hand.
i collide our lips together "yeah." i mumble into his mouth.
a few seconds pass before we pull away, he helps me down off the countertop as i catch my balance.
he grabs my hand and unlocks the bathroom door, he guides us both back to the pool, rejoining all our friends like we weren't fucking each other 3 minutes ago.
i lay down by the poolside, my legs shaking slightly from the intensity of the past events.
chris sits down next to me "you got a little something." he whispers with a laugh, quickly reaching down and wiping my thigh where we missed a spot.
(1 month later)
a month ago today chris and i were sneaking around at his 20th birthday party, for the past 4 weeks we've been meeting up at each other's houses, hooking up every time we get the chance. we didnt speak about anything, i think hes happy staying friends with benefits even though i want more, ive needed more for 3 years.
11:32pm
i roll over in bed, checking my phone one last time before i fall asleep. suddenly my phone frantically vibrates,
its chris?
i pick up the phone "chris its late..." i groan into the phone.
"i need to talk to you, can i come over.. please?" he asks innocently, "okay if you want to just talk, im so tired."
i hang up, after a couple minutes i hear the rumble of chriss car in my driveway, followed by his footsteps upstairs. he swings open the door to my room "hey!" he says nervously, jumping into bed beside me. "you alright?" i ask, holding his hand.
he stays silent for a few seconds, before starting.
"i think im in love with you?" he blurts out.
"you- what?" i repeat, confusion painted in my voice.
"i know, but for the past few.. years? ive liked you- alot.. and i dont just want you to be my fuck buddy anymore, i want to be more."
he takes a deep breath, i stay silent in shock.
"i feel the absolute exact same Christopher." i say, looking over at him.
"do you wanna.. make things official." he asks quietly.
i roll over ontop of him, smothering him in kisses "yes!" i laugh, wrapping my arms around him. relief washes over his face.
we lay still for a few minutes, "can i stay the night?" he asks with a laugh, "please do." i reply, my eyes fluttering shut.
we lay in silence for a few minutes, but a small laugh exits his mouth.
"yeah?" i smile into his chest.
"nothing it was just painfully obvious i was head over heels for you, how did you not guess" he laughs
"chris, im sorry but i was terrified to make a move purely because of how it wasnt obvious." i say, planting the 84th kiss of the night on his face.
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propertyofwicked · 30 days
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SECRETS part 4 - LN
content warnings: fluff, angst, drama (the whole shabang).
ur girl is going back to working full time tomorrow so if we have slow updates blame my place of work. also, im still recovering from the 4am wakeup and lando p3
part 1 -> part 2 -> part 3 -> part 4 -> part 5 -> part 6 -> part 7!
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“max pick up the damn phone,” y/n said, taking great strides across the paddock towards the car park. once again, the phone call had gone to voicemail. she clicked his contact details, ringing him again. only this time, it didn’t even ring. the phone went straight to voicemail. and to add to the matter, max’s car had disappeared from the car park.
y/n sat on the empty floor of the empty parking spot her brothers car had been in, opening up her phone to check the time and send a message to max, she probably should’ve waited for the mix of fear and anger to fade, but here she was, tapping aggressively at the screen of her phone.
if you think you can ignore me forever, you’ve got another thing coming
dont think you can jump to conclusions and throw a childlike strop about this.
but of course, the messages stayed on delivered for hours. it was at least 2 hours before lando’s caller id popped up on her phone, still with no word from max.
“hey, where did you go? mum said something about you walking off,” lando asked her the moment she answered the call.
“currently? i’m sat on the floor of the car park. where are you - ill walk over now,” she said bluntly. he stayed on the line until she entered the mclaren unit.
“y/n? what do you mean max has left?” panic rising in his voice as she walked up to him, his hands coming to rest on her waist.
“i mean he’s left. gone. driven off,” she said with a shrug, “he won’t answer my calls, hasn’t read my texts, he’s just gone.”
“he might be at the hotel? we’ll drive over in a bit and see?”
“i don’t think we should do anything, i think we might have done enough damage for one day.”
“y/n your brother has just driven off. you should at least try and check if he’s at the hotel.”
“fine, but i’m going alone.”
“let me try and talk to him first, you never know something might’ve happened with P?” lando said, still stroking her hips softly, desperately trying to think of any reason that his best friend had up and left.
4 unanswered calls later, and lando and y/n found themselves sat on the sofa in his driving room again, her head laying on her lap as he stroked her hair, trying to resolve the anxiety.
“i don’t care what he thinks, y/n. i feel so strongly about you and i think i have for years.”
“i think i have too. but i hate the thought of people disliking me, let alone my own brother.”
“i know, angel. he’ll come around soon, i promise.”
“that man held a grudge against me for years when i accidentally scraped the side of his kart when i was 12,” she said, laughing sadly at the memory of their parents having to sit them down in the living room and make them apologise to each other. the moment was quickly interrupted by her phone ringing, max’s caller id popping up on the screen.
“ma-”
“no. don’t talk to me. you two have lied to my face for years about this. lando promised me he would never even think about you in that way. and you, i don’t know what ive done to you for you to go behind my back and fuck my best friend but it’s not on.”
“max i-” lando tried to reason with him.
“oh, of course he’s there. just waiting for the moment i left to start fucking my sister, didn’t you?”
“it’s not like that, max.”
“no? then what is it like? ‘cos from where im standing it’s pretty clear he’s been waiting years to take advantage of my little sister,” he argued down the phone, venom rolling off his tongue.
“take advantage of me?” she scoffed, moving to sit up and hold the phone next to her mouth, “who the fuck do you think you are to talk to or about me in that way? who gave you the audacity to believe you have any control over who i choose to date? you couldn’t care less about protecting me, you only care about protecting yourself," she said, her voice raising and her finger moving to point as if he were stood in front of her.
“he’s not right for you.”
“that’s your opinion max. if you can’t trust me, or lando for that matter, then why should i bother giving you a moment more to talk down to me?”
lando sat silently next to her, playing with his own fingers. this was not his fight to fight right now. he’d speak to max privately later, right now, he knew y/n needed to stand up for herself, and god was she smashing it.
“why can’t you just listen to me?” max sighed, defeated, “i know what’s good for yo-”
“go fuck yourself,” she said, hanging up the call, and dropping her phone on the floor besides her. lando’s arms move to behind her waist, pulling her back to rest into him on the sofa. the room fell into silence.
“im sorry,” she mumbled.
“don’t be sorry. this is on him, and me. i should’ve told him the truth the first time round. hell, i should’ve told you the truth earlier.”
“i’ve ruined your big day, lan. p2 - you should be celebrating, not arguing with your best friend.”
“im with you - that’s celebration enough,” he said, happy to see her smile for the first time in hours. she moved to lay her head back down on lando’s lap, this time looking up at him. a knock on the door brought the two of them back to reality, and cisca walked in, adam trailing slightly behind.
y/n contemplated moving, jumping away from the boy who was currently running his hands through her hair, but it had only been 4 hours of hiding whatever was going on between the two of them and she was already bored of keeping up the pretence.
“y/n, love, did you find max?” cisca asked, eyes softening at the scene unfolding in front of her. had she secretly wished for this for years? maybe.
“yea, he um, he went home.”
“he’s not happy about this, is he?” adam said, pointing between the two of you, yet even he couldn’t help but smile slightly.
“not happy, fuming, absolutely raging - i guess you could say that,” she replied, laughing slightly to ease any tensions.
“he’ll come around lovely, he can’t stay mad at you. you’re his sister after all.”
“i love that you think so highly of my brother, cisca. he will go to the grave holding this grudge if he can.”
“ill talk to him later ang- y/n,” lando said, correcting himself quickly, not comfortable enough yet to be overly affectionate in front of his parents.
“good luck with that,” y/n joked, patting him on the arm sadly.
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later that evening, y/n found herself sat on the floor of lando’s hotel rifling through her bag to find her pyjamas. earlier, her and lando had driven to her hotel room, to find that max had packed his stuff and left as expected. she didn’t want to be alone, and lando didn’t want to leave her alone. her phone began to ring, and she answered it praying it wasn’t max.
“y/n the videos of you are going feral on twitter right now,” her best friend, caitlin, shouted down the phone the moment she picked up.
“stop it - what are people saying?”
“erm, some people think it’s cute?” he friend responded, voice laced in slight worry.
“…and the rest of them think im a slut?” y/n added, but her friend only responded with a hum.
“what’s max said?”
“from what i remember, he drove off leaving me stranded at the track and then rang me to say i was making a mistake, i was a liar and he never wanted to speak to me or lando ever again.”
“taking it well then,” the girl responded, y/n could hear her eyes rolling. at that moment, lando emerged from the bathroom, with just a towel hanging around his waist. any words y/n intended to say got stuck in her throat. he took strides towards her, noticing she was on the phone and pressing a kiss to the top of her head, before moving to his own suitcase to find a change of clothes.
“y/n…are you in lando’s room right now?”
“maybe?” y/n responded in a guilty tone, quieter than she had before, glad lando couldn’t hear the girl on the other side of the phone. however, he seemed to clock on to the question from the small grin on her face.
“girl why did you answer the phone? go spend time with your new controversial boyfriend.”
“he’s not my b- you know what, i’m gonna go.”
“dont do anything i wouldn’t do, stay safe!” her friend added cheerily, laughing as she ended the call. cheery was the furthest emotion from what y/n felt at this moment in time.
once y/n was in her pyjamas, she moved her way back into the room, lando was sat up in bed, his back resting on the headboard, phone in hand. he looked up as she walked in, patting the spot next to him for her to join. her face fell into a look that screamed apprehension.
“y/n nothing bad will happen if you get into this bed and cuddle with me.”
“something bad already happened,” she said, climbing under the duvet next to him nonetheless. his hand reached behind her waist pulling her into his chest, her head coming to rest on him.
“im happy this happened, but im not happy about every thing that’s happening as a result," she told him, her eyes blinking slowly as the exhaustion from todays drama caught up with her.
“i know baby,” he responded, pressing a kiss to the top of her head, “get some sleep. we’ll sort this out tomorrow, i promise.”
★ ☆ ✦ ✧ ✩ ✶
tag list: @harrysdimple05 @scopeiguess @hiireadstuff @landosgirlxoxo @natt9598 @phantomxoxo @val-writes @secretgal66 @ririyulife @littlehoneyfreak @leclercdream @mehrmonga @eviethetheatrefreak @thatoneembarrasingmoment @doofenshmirtzevil-inc @formula1mount @lottef1 @rayna-s @5starl1ght @cthgee
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thxliaaa · 2 years
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it doesn't change anything | steve harrington
synopsis - a baby really does change everything doesn't it? right...?
pairing - steve harrington x reader
warning/s - cursing, mentions of miscarriage, reader being insecure, child birth and i think that's it. feel free to correct me if i'm wrong though.
author's note - thank you all so much for all the likes and reblogs that you have given my story !! i literally did not expect for it to blow up. you guys literally have no idea how thankful i am right now. i really really appreciate it. i love y'all so much !! here's the long awaited pt. 2 to "it changes everything"
part one
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To say Steve was mad would be an understatement. He was so furious at you for keeping your pregnancy from him, he was also furious at you for refusing to go to the doctor to check on your baby, but most importantly, he was furious at himself for being so oblivious. That’s why you were constantly eating, he thought that maybe you were just stress eating. Every pregnancy symptom you showed, he thought that you were just stressed from all of the things happening around you. The thought of you being pregnant didn’t even cross his mind, not even once. 
As soon as Steve got home to his apartment, his telephone was bombarded with calls. “Jesus, just fucking wait” he muttered as he made his way to the kitchen. “Hello?”
“STEVE! Come to the hospital as soon as you can, (Y/N) fainted!” Robin frantically explained. For Steve, it felt like deja vu all over again. It felt as if that time you bled on the bathroom floor and not long after, he was greeted with bad news. Once again, he sped through the door, and stepped on the pedal as hard as he could. Even though he was mad at you for keeping something like this from him, he still cared for you seeing as you were carrying his child.
When he got to the hospital, he sprinted towards the front desk wanting to get a response as soon as possible. Again, he fought with the nurse, just like old times. “Relation to the patient?” The nurse asked.
“Husband, I mean ex-husband. I’m the father of the baby she’s carrying” Steve blurted out. The nurse gave him a look of judgment. “I see, she’s in room number 505”
“Husband, I mean ex-husband. I’m the father of the baby she’s carrying” Steve blurted out. The nurse gave him a look of judgment. “I see, she’s in room number 505”
Steve did not waste a second and quickly ran to the elevator. Finally, after what felt like forever, The brunette boy had finally reached the fifth floor where his ex-wife was lying on the bed with an IV connected to her. He also noticed that the kids, Jonathan, Nancy, and Robin were surrounding her.
As soon as he opened the door, Nancy noticed his presence and went to hug him to try and comfort him. “Did they find out why she fainted?” Steve mumbled into Nancy’s neck as they pulled away from the hug.
Before Nancy could even answer, Robin beat her to it. “They said it was cause of stress and fatigue”
Steve glanced at his best friend which was then followed with a nod. He was still in a state of shock. Everything that's happening right now didn’t make sense to him at all, it felt like a fever dream. 
“How long have you guys been here?” He asked the three adults in front of him seeing as the teenagers were already sleeping on the couch and on the extra chairs. 
“Well after you left, that’s when she fainted. So if you add the time it got you to your house plus the time it took to get you to this hospital. Then that would be how long we were in here” Robin started to blabber. Steve knew that Robin too, was nervous for her best friend. 
“It’s fine you guys can go home, I can go look after her” Steve had plastered on a fake smile as his friends all looked at each other in concern. “Are you sure, Steve? I mean we can handle it” Nancy said as Jonathan looked at her then nodded. 
“Yes, I’m sure. Besides, the kids need to sleep anyways” The brown-eyed boy laughed humorlessly. 
“Okay. You can call us if you need anything. Anything, okay?” Robin stated as Jonathan and Nancy started waking up the sleeping teenagers surrounding them. 
They all bid their farewells to Steve as he led them out. As Dustin was heading out the door, he suddenly stopped in front of the adult in front of him. “Hey Steve?” 
Steve hummed in reply. “Don’t mess up” Dustin said as he put his hands on the brown-eyed boy’s shoulder. “Gee, thanks for the advice man” He replied as he pressed his lips together. 
Dustin gave the boy one last hug as he followed the others. Finally alone in the room with (Y/N), Steve had nothing to do but overthink. 
It has been 13 hours since you had fainted and Steve never left your side. The only times he ever did was for bathroom breaks and to get food. However, he never had the appetite to finish them. So they just sat there on the bedside table left untouched. 
Steve was pacing the room back and forth, he couldn’t stay still. Just as he was about to call a doctor for the third time, your eyes started to flutter open.
It was bright. That was the first thing you had observed. It took a while before your eyes had adjusted to the brightness of the light bulbs, but when you were fully conscious, you saw Steve’s face in front of you. He had a smile plastered on his face. 
“What happened?” You managed to croak out. “Well you fainted last night, and you know, you’re pregnant so we obviously had to bring you to the hospital” 
Everything started to finally come back to you. Robin telling Steve that you were pregnant. You and him getting into a fight right after, and the darkness engulfing you later on. 
“So you know now, huh?” You laughed without any humor laced into it. “Yes” He replied as you felt him stiffen. 
“Why would you keep this from me? This isn’t only your baby, it’s OUR baby” 
You stared at him as your face fell. “Well, you didn’t want to stay with me anymore. And I know that if I told you about the baby, you would’ve changed your decision about the divorce” 
“Damn right, I would’ve. Being apart from each other won’t be the best for the baby” Steve spat. 
“But being with each other won’t be the best for us” You fought back as his eyebrows furrowed in anger. “If Robin didn’t tell me about this, would you have told me at all?” He queried. 
You took a deep breath before answering, “Of course I would’ve. You’re the father, Steve.” you held both of his hands. “You have a right to know” you added.
The brown-eyed boy’s face had softened after he was reassured with what you said. He then put a big smile on his face after having a realization. 
“So we have a little nugget on the way now, don’t we?” He chuckled. 
five months gone
It had been a few months after the incident happened and you were now five months into your pregnancy. Of course, Steve had managed to find a way to convince you to start going to your doctor’s appointments. He had accompanied you to the first ultrasound of your pregnancy, and when he saw the baby’s silhouette on the screen, he couldn’t help but shed a tear. 
Today was the day you were supposed to find out what the baby’s gender is. However, even though Steve was practically on his knees begging for the doctor to tell the two of you what the gender was, you wanted it to be a surprise for the both of you. Steve just sighed in defeat knowing that you were stubborn enough to not let yourself lose. 
When you got home, Steve stayed with you. He was an amazing co-parent to have with you. Even though you two were divorced, he still showed you that he cared for you. Although, half of you think that it’s only because of the baby you were carrying. 
You got too lost in your thoughts to even notice that there was somebody ringing the doorbell. “Hey, (Y/N)! There’s somebody at the door! I would go get it but I can’t because I’m cooking!” Steve yelled from your kitchen. 
Pulling away from your thoughts, you got up and went to the door. “Hey sorry for taking long–” 
Robin was standing in front of you with your favorite foods in her hand. “Hi” She smiled at you as your face dropped from seeing her. “What are you doing here?” 
“Well, I figured you and the baby might be hungry so I decided to stop by” She chuckled. 
This would be the first time you talked to Robin after the incident that happened. The game nights still happened every Friday. However, even after her many attempts, you still had refused to talk to her. You couldn’t fathom how she was the one person you had trusted, yet she had spilled your secret to the very person you didn’t want to find out about it. 
“We’re fine, Steve is making us food from the kitchen” 
“(Y/N), how long are you gonna keep on ignoring me? I learned from my mistakes and I only wanted what was best for you–” “YOU DON’T KNOW WHAT’S BEST FOR ME!”
“I trusted you, Robin. I trusted you with a big secret that I had and you have the audacity to make yourself a victim right now?” You couldn’t believe what you were hearing. 
“I didn’t need you to do that for me. So no, I can’t forgive you right now no matter how many times you apologize. Now, get out of my face before I kill you” You yelled. 
“(Y/N)–” “GET OUT!” 
Robin put her head down in defeat, she messed up and she knew it. 
Just as soon as you closed the door, Steve came running to the front door after hearing you yell. “Hey, is everything okay?” He put his hands on your shoulders. “Yeah, I’m fine. It’s just about something” You forced a smile onto your face. 
Steve smiled back before pulling you in for a tight embrace. “Not too tight. Baby bump” you giggled. “Oop, sorry” 
The two of you stayed like that for a while. It was rare moments like this that made you happy. Just the two of you together, against the world. 
“By the way food is ready”
three months gone
It was now the eighth month of your pregnancy. You had a baby bag packed and ready to go anytime the baby wanted to pop out of you. Steve was also checking in on you everyday, making sure you weren’t dead yet. 
You were in the middle of making yourself pickles with peanut butter on them when you heard a knock on your door. “Just a second” you chuckled as you licked the remaining peanut butter that was on your spoon. 
When you opened the door, Steve was standing on your doorway with a serious look on his face. “Oh hi” your face dropped at the expression his face had. “Can we talk? This is really important and I think it’s about time we discuss this” He said with a serious tone laced on his voice. “Oh uhm sure” You said as you led him inside your house.
As the two of you sat on your table, you offered him something to eat, in which he declined and tried to converse with you to address the elephant in the room.
“So how have you been?” He awkwardly asked. “Steve, you’re on the phone with me 24/7. Just skip the small talk and just get straight to the point” 
Steve was baffled at her response, yet he complied and got straight to the reason as to why he went to her place in the first place.
“I think it’s about time we talk about our schedule with the baby” He started as you made eye contact with him letting him know that he has your full attention.
“I was thinking we could switch every 2 weeks? We'll live close to each other so he or she won't have to adjust to a new place every time we have her.” 
You nodded at his suggestion before opening your mouth to state a query that you had in mind. 
“Uhm, what holidays do you want to have the baby?” 
Steve thought for a second before replying to your question. “You can have the baby for their first Christmas. I know how important Christmas is for you” 
You shook your head at his response. Steve furrowed his eyebrows in confusion. 
“No. We can spend the baby’s first Christmas all together. The baby deserves to have two happy parents on Christmas” you suggested.
The brunette boy sat in his seat with his mouth agape. However, you were getting the wrong idea from his current position. “Only if you want” you added nervously.
Steve shook his head “No, no. Of course I want to. Thank you” He gave you a genuine smile.
Steve couldn't help but smile at what his ex-lover had stated. It was thoughtful of her to say that, and knowing that she still cares for him made his heart skip a beat.
“So do you have any baby names in mind?” You asked your ex-husband to hopefully get your mind off of the conversation you had just a few seconds ago. Steve nodded, “Yeah, I have a few actually” 
“Let’s hear it then” you warmly smiled at him. “Well do you remember the flowers I gave you on our first date?” He asked as you raised your eyebrows at him. “Pink lilies of the valley?”
“Yeah! I was playing around with names and I really liked the name ‘Lilliana’. We can call her Lily for short.” 
He looked into your eyes, waiting for a sign of approval from you. “It’s really pretty and it has a sentimental meaning attached to it” Steve added. 
“Lilliana it is then. How about a boy's name?” You asked him. Steve awkwardly scratched the back of his neck before replying “Well, I kinda forgot about that part”
“What made you so sure that this baby isn't a boy?” 
“Well what made you so sure that it’s not a girl?” He asked back at you. “Cause I have motherly instincts, Steve” You scoffed. 
“Maybe you should decide then.” Steve offered, which you gladly accepted. “How about Luke? From Star Wars you know? The first movie we watched together” 
Steve had a flashback of the night you two went out for a date. It was raining and the theatres were closed, both of you were completely drenched in the backseat of his car before finally deciding to just rent out the movie “Star Wars”. It was also the first time you two shared your first kiss together. 
“I like that, very sentimental too” He chuckled as you hid your face to prevent him from seeing the blush that was creeping up on your face. “Luke it is then” you smiled.
“Well since we have shared custody of the baby, I would like for you to meet my girlfriend. Since you know, she’ll be helping me take care of the baby”
Girlfriend. Steve had a girlfriend.
You had completely forgotten about the time you were at the mall when you saw him practically snogging the girl in public. You felt your heart drop at the topic, yet you sucked it up so Steve wouldn’t notice it.
“Yeah, for sure. When though?” You asked, forcing a smile onto your face. 
“Anytime, really. We don’t mind.” 
“Would Thursday be a good day?” You asked, trying to seem interested in the said topic. “Yeah of course! I’m so excited for you to meet her” Steve smiled in response.
“Yeah me too!”
Nope, definitely not excited
Steve was right about her, the girl was a complete sweetheart. You couldn’t bring yourself to hate her. I mean how could anyone?
She didn’t mind that you were having a baby with him, she supported him with all of her heart. Not only that but she was also really beautiful. Like a goddess type of beautiful. 
You couldn’t help but feel insecure. In this moment, you knew that you had lost. If it wasn’t for your baby, Steve wouldn’t have stayed in contact with you. I mean who would get back to you if they saw this beauty? 
The girl could even be a better mother than you. Just then, a thousand insecure thoughts started to fill your head. In times like this, you could only turn to one person, and one person only. 
You dialed the phone number onto your telephone, it was ringing for a few moments until a familiar voice answered. “Hello?”
“Hey Robin, Can you come over?”
Not even a few minutes went by, Robin was already at your house. You had ranted about Steve’s new perfect girlfriend to her. 
Robin was in disbelief, “(Y/N), calm down” 
“I can’t just calm down, Robin. I look like a huge potato right now because of this belly” You sobbed into the tissue she gave you. 
“That’s because you’re pregnant. P-R-E-G-N-A-N-T. Have you seen yourself before you were pregnant? I would’ve totally hit on you if you were single” She said as you laughed at her statement.
You couldn’t stay mad at Robin for that long, of course you wanted to, but you just couldn’t.
“You know what, Robin? I missed this” You smiled genuinely at her. “Me too”
“I’m so sorry for what I did to you. It was unacceptable! I couldn’t believe myself. I only said that because I was worried of you cause if you ever—“ “Robin, breathe” 
She exhaled as you giggled at her behavior. “It’s all forgiven now, Robin. Don’t worry about it” 
“Really?” Her eyes lit up. “Of course.” You said as you pulled her in for a tight embrace. 
“Although, I do prefer you apologizing to me with snacks.” You smiled innocently at her. 
“You are such a jerk”
one month gone
Your water had just broke and you had notified Steve about it. He was now going to the hospital as fast as he could. 
When he got to your room, he saw you walking around, hands pressed against your waist with your face scrunching up in pain.
“Hi” He smiled nervously at you. “Why are you nervous, Steve Harrington? Are you the one pushing a baby out of your vagina?” You snapped back at him.
“Geez, no need to be aggressive” 
“Shut up before I kill you” You gritted your teeth together as another contraction hit you. 
“Are you okay? Do you need anything?” He asked as he was panicking. “I need this baby out of me right now. Can you do that, Harrington? It’s freaking Christmas Eve later yet I’m spending it at the hospital in pain” you took a deep breath before laying down on the bed again. 
“Hey, I’m here okay?” Steve kissed your forehead as you smiled at him. “I know, thanks for coming.” 
“Well I mean, do I have any other choice?” he joked as you playfully punched his chest at the remark he made. “I’m kidding. Just try to rest ok?” he kissed your forehead again before he got to rest himself as well. 
He woke up 8 hours later and spent the last 2 hours watching TV. The time was now 11:35. Steve decided that you also needed food to at least make your Christmas Eve happy. He saw that you were still sleeping, so he quietly made his way to the door and bought some food.
Steve was gone for 20 minutes. 20 minutes tops. Yet when he came back, you were surrounded by doctors as you were pushing this baby out. 
He dropped the food he brought to the table and rushed towards you to hold your hand. 
“Push, (Y/N), push!” The doctor was encouraging you to do so. Even though it was painful, you complied with them. “I can see the head now. You’re doing so good (Y/N)! Just one more. One more!”
Steve’s hand was sweating, he was nervous at the situation happening in front of him. As he was about to say something encouraging to you, he was abruptly stopped by the sound of a baby’s cry.
“It’s a girl!” 
And just like that Steve’s life flashed before his eyes. 
six months gone
Your daughter, Lilliana, had just started teething. She would bite anything her teeth would grab a hold on. 
One of her newest victims was her father. 
“Ow! You hurt daddy, Lily.” Steve pouted as he played with your daughter. Lilliana started laughing at his gesture. “Oh, so you like it when daddy gets hurt?” He put his hands on his chest as your daughter started laughing more. 
“Honey, I’m home” you shouted as you heard laughing from upstairs. As you climbed up the stairs, the laughing started getting louder and louder. “What is going on here?” you chuckled as you watched your husband fake crying. “Well, Miss Lily here thinks that daddy getting hurt is funny” 
You laughed at what Steve had said. “Is that true, sweets?” 
“Is that true?” You bopped her nose as she laughed harder. “She's been biting an awful lot lately” Steve said as he grabbed her from the crib and held her in his arms. Lilliana took this as an opportunity to bite him again. “OW!” He flinched as the little devil in his arms started biting him again. She laughed once again, as you stared at your little family lovingly.
nine months gone
Lilliana had just started crawling, and she was not normal. She was crawling backwards, which was weird. 
“No Lily, you crawl like this. Forward, not backward” you showed her how but she disregarded it and just continued to crawl backwards again. “You never listen to mommy, don’t you?” 
“Steve!” You called out from the living room. “Yes?’ He stuck his head out of the kitchen. “Why is my baby crawling backwards?” 
“Wait what?” 
“She is! Like look at her!” You exclaimed as Steve sprinted towards the living room. He looked at her then started laughing like a maniac.
“Oh my god. I live with two babies” You rolled your eyes as Steve started cheering Lilliana on. “You’re supposed to be teaching her how to crawl properly, not encouraging her”
“This is how I crawled as a baby. Beeboop beeboop” He started laughing again as he watched your baby crawl backwards again.
You sighed at the sight of them. “Like father, like daughter”
five years gone
It was now Lilliana’s first day of kindergarten. She made sure to prepare everything she needed the night before. You were proud of your daughter for being independent and very mature for her age. 
“You sure you got everything, love?” You asked again as she sighed at you. “Yes, mom” 
“Was that a sigh I heard?” Steve pointed his eyebrows at her. (Y/N) laughed at the scene that was unveiling in front of her. “Okay honey, you need to go now. Promise me you won’t cry?” Lilliana just nodded in reply as her parents kissed her forehead goodbye. 
“I need to go now bye mommy, bye daddy!” She said as she gave a kiss to the both of you on your cheeks once again.
You and Steve stood there in surprise. Lilliana didn’t even cry 
“What just happened?” Steve was perplexed. “Well that was anticlimactic.” Your eyes widened at the little girl’s gesture. “I expected her to beg us not to go.” You added as you turned to look at Steve who was standing beside you bewildered. 
His little girl was all grown up. 
seven years gone
“No! Lily favors me!” you heard shouting from Nancy and Jonathan’s living room. “No! She said that I’m her favorite!” you heard another one fight back. 
You made your way to their kitchen and saw the kids, who were now young adults fighting over your daughter. 
“The last time I saw Lily, I asked her if I was her favorite and she said yes!” Lucas raised his voice. “Because you were the only person there, dipshit!” Dustin snapped back. 
“Hey! Hey! Language! My daughter's right in front of you guys.” Steve interfered with the argument. 
“But Lilliana is always excited to see me” El said softly. “You’re lying!”
“She loves me cause I’m the only one that has unique and beautiful hair” Max rolled her eyes as if she was pointing out the obvious. 
“Shut up, Max. Nobody likes redheads!” Mike said to her. Max gasps at the statement that he made. “Well clearly Lily does!”
The young adults were fighting over who your daughter favored. You mentally slapped your forehead at this pointless argument. 
The yelling was starting to get louder and everyone was basically using this as an excuse to judge each other and before you decided to start to intervene in the argument unfolding in front of you, Steve had beaten you to it. 
“Guys, it’s obvious she favors me” He rolled his eyes.
thirteen years gone
Lily had just arrived home from school, sulking. You noticed the change in her behavior after she slammed the door to her room. “Hey! No slamming the doors young lady!” 
Wiping the excess water off of your hands, you went up the stairs and made your way to your daughter’s bedroom. You heard sniffling from inside but before you could even open your mouth to speak, you heard your husband’s voice coming from inside. 
“Hey, he’s just a stupid boy okay?” Steve said as he pulled your daughter in for a tight hug. “He doesn’t deserve you and you certainly don’t deserve someone who acts like that” He added as Lilliana started sobbing into his neck. 
He rubbed his hand comfortingly up and down Lily’s back as she was letting out soft sobs. Steve was the perfect dad. 
fourteen years gone
“First day of High School! You made it honey!” You and Steve were ecstatic for your daughter. Even though she acted as if she didn’t care, you knew deep down she did. 
“Do you have everything packed?” Steve, once again asked for the ninth time. “Yes, dad” Lilliana rolled her eyes. 
You chuckled at the father and daughter. “Hey don’t you dare roll your eyes at me” Steve pointed at her. 
“One more picture!”
“What? Mom? No!” Lilliana protested. “Pretty please?” you pouted at her which was then followed by Steve doing the same thing. 
“Please Lily, this’ll be your mom and I’s remembrance that our little girl is growing up–”
“Mr. Harrington, are you there?” 
Steve was abruptly awakened from his daydreaming. “What?” He furrowed his eyebrows in confusion. “We said, what do you want to name your daughter?” The nurse in front of him replied. 
(Y/N) looked at Steve for reassurance that he can name their baby. As Steve caught a glimpse of his daughter, tears started forming in his eyes. 
“Do you want to hold her, Mr. Harrington” The nurse asked as Steve can only do so much but nod. He was stunned in place, no words were able to come out of his mouth as his only focus right now was on his daughter. 
(Y/N) smiled at the two, it was her little family. 
“Merry Christmas, Steve” 
And Lilliana did have two happy parents on her first christmas, because at exactly 12:00 am of December 25, 1990, a baby girl was born to Steve Harrington and Y/n Y/l/n. 
three years gone
“Are you excited to be the flower girl, Lily?” Steve enthusiastically asked his daughter who was in front of him. She nodded shyly as Steve tickled her. Her laughter was music to his ears, he could never get enough of her. 
“Ooh, it’s time. Are you excited to see mommy in a dress?” 
“Yes!” Lilliana jumped up to show her excitement. Steve then grabbed her and twirled her around in the air. “I better go inside now. You go wait out here okay?” 
Lilliana nodded as Steve went inside the chapel to wait for a special someone. 
“You may now kiss the bride” 
Everyone around them whooped and cheered at the newlyweds, and Steve was one of them. 
No matter how bright and cheerful the aura around him was, he was fighting the urge to break down inside of the chapel. No amount of happiness could replace the misery he was feeling inside of him. And he hated it. 
However, in his mind, the only thing keeping him intact was that you were happy. Lily was happy. And he prioritized your happiness over his, even though it pained him to do so. 
As the newlyweds made their way through the aisle, he made eye contact with you who was now hand in hand with your new husband. You gave him a nod to let him know that you acknowledge his presence in your wedding. He did the same thing as well. 
It should’ve been him standing there with you. Yet, that was not the case. 
In the end, (Y/N) and Steve never lived happily ever after. Just because a baby is born doesn’t mean people automatically get back together. Although, they did spend a happy life with their daughter, Lilliana, just not altogether.
Steve was wrong, a baby doesn’t change everything. Because if it did, there would be a happy ending to this story. The two of you would be together. And Steve Harrington wouldn’t have to watch the love of his life say “I do” to Eddie Munson. 
But, there’s no fairytale in this story, and that’s just how life is.
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jk i’m not that cruel there’s an alternate ending to this story. i feel like my love for angst is too much right now. I NEED TO MAKE SOME FLUFFY IMAGINES
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firesnap · 2 months
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i have a genuine question. i promise i am not at all trying to defend him. ive dropped him entirely, literally deleted everything i had of him and unliked his songs.
ive just been wondering like considering that he has been in therapy, and also considering how if he does take a year off and then comes back, why cant it be redeemable? like cant people change? cant we give them second chances? he is 27. is he just doomed to be an abuser forever?
its just scary and im asking as like a younger person who is in my very early 20s. i know ive made mistakes. i know ive not been a good partner or friend sometimes. (and yes i was also abusive to a past partner...im not proud of it and ive learned from it. i have never ever touched anyone in that way after that. it took awhile but my current relationship isnt toxic and i would never hurt anyone or hit them again yknow?) and it scares me that people keep insinuating that he is irredeemable. like cant abusers change and become better? dont they get second chances? if shelby has grown and healed in 10 months wouldn't it be fair to say the same for wilbur?
im just genuinely asking because based on everything i believe you are older than me and im looking for guidance and just...idk im scared. growing up on the internet has made me so scared of making mistakes and doing anything wrong because when it happens to others i look up to, its always treated as something they'll never be able to change or improve. makes me feel like imma just be a horrible person forever because i made mistakes in the past.
This is a really complicated question that multiple answers can validly fit.
I don't think, personally, that anyone is irredeemable. I think everyone is on a journey of forgiveness and some of us may need more grace than others.
This is tw// abuse even more than the current topic, but my mom was incredibly abusive. We lived in a very rural area and she had a lot of undiagnosed problems and trauma of her own that created a pressure pot of issues. After I was born, she suffered through full on post-partum psychosis that nearly ended about as well as that sentence implies it could have. She was incredibly violent, controlling, and cruel for years. My sister went no-contact with her the second she turned 18. A significant event occurred that eventually spurned her into seeking real treatment that lasted for years. It's still ongoing.
My sister is also still no contact and I support her decision 100%. Those are her wounds and what she needed to do to get peace should be respected. I decided I wanted a relationship with the person who came out of all that work and, even then, it's been hard. I don't know if she's redeemed herself, and my god do we still have bumps in the road, but I support her for trying.
With Wilbur, how he responds to this is going to really impact a lot of things. I mean, I know no matter how he responds I won't be going on whatever journey of redemption and healing he has to go through. I'm tired and I feel hurt enough. I would think, if he wanted to show he was sincere, admitting what happened would be a great sense of closure for a lot of people who put time and energy and faith into this guy for years.
Not every person that causes harm is inherently evil, but there has to be some kind of knowledge that you're aware of the harm you've caused. No one is stuck as anything forever, life is constantly moving, and most people aren't saying his life is just over. You can work on yourself. You can change. And I'm saying that specifically to you, anonymous.
(Saying this, actually, there ARE people who would argue once you've done x you're beyond redemption based entirely on their life experiences as a victim, personal histories and many other factors. Kinda like my sister, that's their choice. And you have to accept that sometimes you fuck up so badly that you will permanently lose some people from your life. But your life isn't over.)
But I do think, regardless of what he says or does about this, his time of controlling a large platform is at an end. He can still do a lot of things in his life after he works on himself -- editing, song producing, directing, writing or whatever -- but being in charge of a large impressionable audience that could enable more destructive behaviors is just not it.
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christinarowie332 · 5 months
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stupid kids in love
part three to “stupid horny fucks”
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warnings : angst , SMUT !!!! , kinda fluff . sub chris if u squint . cock warming . m! receiving , f!riding . SMUTTTTTTTT
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“what?” i cut him off , it feels like a punch to the gut . a thousand different things race my mind , the loudest drowning the rest out . what the fuck does that mean .
“look i don’t fucking know what to say . it was a stupid thing to do i know but you don’t understand, i have literally been fucking fighting myself with the knowledge that i am literally obsessed with you . i’m talking like … i can’t actually imagine myself with someone that isn’t you , and i know u shouldn’t have a one time fuck with a friend or someone your in love with but i fucking did , and i’m sorry that i made it awkward and i’m sorry you don’t feel the same and i’m sorry i didn’t tell u before and i’m sorry that i don’t fucking regret it .” chris finishes his incessant ramble and i’m stood frozen . literally everything he has just said was insane . like it feels like a dream . maybe a nightmare.
“chris”
“and i’m sorry that it happened the way it did , i feel like fucking shit knowing that was your first time and it was bad , i wish i could go back and stop myself . i’m so fucking sorry” he cuts me off , basically pleading with me . i wouldn’t be suprised if he got down on his knees and started praying. with all of his apologies ,all i can think about is holding him , he has absolutely nothing to be sorry for , i feel the exact same as he does. so why the fuck am i still frozen. WHY THE FUCK ARE YOU STILL FROZEN .
“chris i love you”
“please just hear me out- wait what” he cuts himself off and meets my eyes . his eyebrows soften before they furrow in confusion. i step forward , taking his face in my hands , searching each of his eyes , watching the tears that were flowing over his cheeks stop . i didn’t notice until now ive been doing the same , they pool on my chin , dripping down my collarbones and soothing the same place he had kissed me a week ago .
“chris i have loved you for years . don’t u dare apologize for anything, i was insecure and overthinking. i don’t regret the sex if you don’t , it was fucking perfect. please don’t run away now .” i say quietly, i silently pray he understands. that he believes me .
“u were the one who ran away” he says , refusing to meet my eyes , it was as if he thought that if he looked up , i would disappear. i grabbed his chin and forced him to look at me , his usual confidence gone in my grip . “and i will spend forever trying to make it up to you chris .” i reply , my lip shaking under my teeth as i try and hold back a sob , he needs me as much as i need him . he’s wanted me as long as i’ve wanted him . i have nothing to worry about .
we stay in silence for a while , before i tug him forward into me . his arms latching around me tighter then ever . i’m not going anywhere, i want to say . but the pressure of his body against mine finally silences the voice in my head , i completely melt in his grip . the scent of his cologne and just him flood my senses as my face rubs against the soft material of his sweatshirt .
he tilts my head to look at him , the blue of his eyes almost gone as the darkness of my hallway makes him seem like a shadow . almost unreal to look at . but he is real . i know this because his lips touch mine in a way they never have before , slowly melting into his touch as his tongue softly caresses mine , his hands move from my back . slowly trailing to my face as he pulls me closer , deepening the kiss impossibly closer . i kiss him back with the same amount of passion. no . love . that’s the only word for how his lips move against mine . how his hand moves to my neck, his thumb brushing against my pulsing veins . he could have his hands wrapped around my neck and i would trust him . i would let him squeeze the last breath of air in my lungs just to have this be my last memory.
i walk him to the wall , my lips never leaving his , his back hits it and as soon as it does he flips us around , pinning my back against the cold object . his body is basically attached to mine as he presses his pelvis to me, slowly rolling his hips against mine as i match the movement. our pace quickens , the soft kiss turns into a hungry one , soft groans as we explore each others body like the first time , his hand reaches towards my thigh and trails towards my knee, lifting my leg as i wrap it around his waist . my hand that was once on his face makes it to his chest as i push him towards my living room , never once breaking contact with his lips .
the moment i feel him hault and hit the edge of the couch , i push him down . immediately straddling his lap and pushing his hair back through my fingers , feeling the soft strands gently slide over my skin . i re-attach our lips , he pulls away but i chase his lips still looking for contact . “y/n this isn’t-“ i kiss him again , cutting him off but he moves back and swerves my attempt to carry on .”y/n listen to me “ i look from his lips up to him, “i need you to know that this isn’t the only think i want . it’s not just for the sex , i want you . i need you. it’s always been you . i should have said that before but i was just-“
“stop apologizing.” i say putting my hands on his chest to i can see him properly, “chris , we were stupid horny fucks , it was both of us , i don’t fucking regret it so just kiss me!” within a second of my words leaving my throat, his lips were on mine again . his hands travel to my ass , lifting me as i grind against him , my hands grab my t-shirt , lifting it over my head . his eyes fly to my chest , before dunking his head into the skin and sucking dark marks into it making my head throw back and my hand to grab his messy hair . after a few seconds i tug on the brunette strands , making his lips detach from my throat and look at me with the most attractive expression i’ve ever seen . his lips were plump and pink, along with his nose and cheeks, his eyes droopy and black as his pupils dilate . his lips were slightly parted so i took the chance to slide my thumb against his bottom lip , pulling it down and watching him squirm underneath my core , feeling his very hard dick against my clothes .
“for someone who doesn’t care about the sex , your little friend sure does …” i whisper while moving my hand to his face , tracing his cheek bone with my thumb gently . moving my hips against the hard object prodding at my pelvis . he whines slightly at the movement, making my lips turn into a smirk , producing a breathy laugh from him . “are you okay with this?” i ask playing with the hem of his shirt , asking to take it off , he nods and starts to help me . i smack his hand , resulting in a very confused look from him , i ignore him and pull it over his head , throwing it to the ground and getting off his lap to kneel in front of the couch. “and …are you okay with this ?” i ask looking up at him through my eyelashes , putting two fingers under the band of his sweatpants , running it across the ragged elastic material . he nods quickly and i take my hand away . “chris , words please baby” i say sitting on my heels and waiting for him to answer me .
“yes, fuck please” he says , letting out the air he was holding in anticipation. i smile at him and place my fingers under the band again , pulling them down . he raises his hips letting the sweatpants free for me too move down his legs , letting them pool around his feet . my hand ghosts over his cock , slowly moving up and down the material of his boxers , feeling him twitch . ”please” he breathes out . “please what?” i reply , loving the power this gave me . i could practically feel the pool between my legs , it should be teasing him but all it’s doing is making me wetter . he doesn’t need to know that though .
“touch . please just touch me y/n” he says , attempting to pull his boxers down. i take the fabric from his hands and pulling it down the rest of the way . his dick springs up and almost hits me in the face , making us both laugh, but he quickly gets serious when i grab his dick with my hand and spit down on the tip . his head throws back , shakey breaths and whines from his throat as i kiss his tip , tongue rolling around the sensitive skin . i take half of him in my mouth, letting my hand work the rest . slowly sliding my head up and down his dick , my lips rolling over his veins as he takes my hair into a makeshift ponytail and pushes he down further . my nails drag into his skin as i try not to gag as his tip hits the back of my throat , leaving red marks down his thigh , lewd sounds coming from both of us as i moan around his cock.
he pulls me up by my hair arruptly , my chest sliding against his dick as i come up , making him shutter and whimper. “what?” i ask , thinking i did something wrong or that he was in pain, “i was literally about to cum down your throat?” he says breathlessly, tilting his head slightly and furrowing his eyebrows .
“and u think i didn’t want that?” i ask as confused as him . he just relaxes and smirks, looking down at my lips and kissing me slowly . i pull away , pushing my sweatpants and my underwear down together , wanting more then anything to feel him inside of me , i straddle him again , letting my folds slide against his dick . he grabs his dick and slides the tip up and down . “jesus y/n” he says , referring to the fact i am basically fucking dripping at this point , i just roll my eyes and change the subject, “you ready?” i say , he smiles . “shouldn’t i be the one saying that?” i just tilt my head at his words , raising my eyebrows. “yes y/n” he continues .
as soon as the words leave his mouth i sink down on him , too fast . i can literally feel myself burn , he notices and kisses my lips again , brushing the hair from my face with one hand , wrapping the other around my waist to lift me up . “you okay” he speaks with concern , i humm in reply and slowly start to lift myself on him . slowly the pain turns to pleasure. feeling him deep inside of me . rolling my hips to get a deeper feeling , i drop my head to the crook of his neck leaving open mouthed kisses on the skin , breathing heavy and letting soft moans fall from my lips as he starts to thrust upwards . his hands are on my waist , before moving to my ass , helping me lift myself on his dick , he grips it hard enough to leave bruises , but the feeling in my stomach overshadows that pain as i feel the knot slowly start to gain more tension.
“chris , mmh, fuck” i breathe out before putting my hands on his chest and pushing myself up to look at him .”chris- FUCK … chris i’m close.” he lets out a strained moan , before nodding frantically and bringing his hand down to my clit , running fast circles on the bundle of nerves . my nails dig into his chest as i half-ball my fists and run them down his chest . he bites his lip harshly , attempting to muffle his own noises, but ultimately the sounds that leave his throat are breathy groans as his dick twitches inside of me .
the room that encapsulates us are filled will loud grunts and high pitched moans as we both completely undone around each other . i clench around him after i feel his warmth shoot inside of me , painting my insides white as i come almost straight after him . a string of curses leave our mouths before i collapse on his chest. listening to his quickened heart beat in my ears , feeling his hands rub up and down my breath as we both come down from our highs .
after a while i go to get up but he stops me . “is anyone home tonight?” he asks me , running his fingers through my sweat drowned hair .
“no why?” i ask , relaxing into his touch . “let’s just sleep like this” he says grabbing a blanket and covering us both on the sofa . i nod and lie back down on his chest , resting my head on his shoulder , breathing in his scent on his neck . he grabs he around my shoulders and wraps his legs around me , swinging us to the side so we can lie down on the sofa properly. his dick slides out slightly so i take the opportunity to wrap my legs around him and push myself closer to him . he lets out a small whimper at the sensitivity and i giggle , apologize and kiss his neck as i get comfortable against his body again .
“hope you know we’re defo not gonna be friends after this” he says , making me look up to him .”ur my girl now , you know that?” he says smiling and placing a small kiss to my forehead .
“yeah i’d fucking think so”
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hope i did y’all proud ☝🏻 i feel like im going to hell for writing this .
taglist:
@mangosrar @soursturniolo @biimpanicking @kvtie444@kenzieiskoolaid @urmyslxt @chrisenthusiast @mattslolita @iheart2021chris @parkerssecrets @recklesssturniolo @lovingsturniolo @paper-crab @daddyslilchickenfingers @strniohoeee @ermdontmindthisaccount @sturnphilia @bluesturniolo333 @lustfulslxt @lunarsturniolo @chrisolivia4l @freshlovehacker @its-jennarose @kitaysworld @liz-stxrn @rac00ns-are-c00l4 @flowerxbunnie @mattsbratt @slut4chr1s @oversturn @mbbsgf @fredswh0re @nickenthusiast
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opens-up-4-nobody · 8 months
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euno11a · 3 months
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Tattooed Hearts II
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Genre: No one to someone Tattoo artist! Jungkook X Reader
Summary: What happened to us? Why did we end up like this? It was only a one time thing. Now it’s ruined us both.
Warnings: fluff, angst, smut, mentions of hookups, insults, arguing, blood, mentions of period, insecurities
Pt I • Pt III • Pt IV • Pt V• Pt VI • Pt VII • Pt VIII
***
What a jackass! Months of not seeing you, and all he had to say was ‘glad you’re back?!’ Seriously? Watching him walk away so nonchalant made your blood boil, he was a player. What did you expect? He wasn’t gonna drop to his knees and start sobbing! It was dumb if you to even have hopes of him doing that. You glared at the closed office door, hoping he would trip over a stone and scrape his knees. Yes, it was childish, but scraping your knees hurts! You opened your juice, sipping it while cursing Jungkook out in your mind.
You were pulled out of your thoughts when you heard the buzzing of the tattoo gun again, “Is the juice good?” V asked with a small smile.
You nodded happily, drinking even more. The question stood in your mind, how did they know it was your favourite drink? You hadn’t told any of them apart from Jungkook…oh my god. OH MY GOD! Was he still thinking about you?! No, there’s no way, all he thinks about is getting his dick wet, he was not thinking about you. It was probably just a mix up with a flavour. V continued with the tattoo, mentioning that you’d have to come back for a second round to do the colouring and final touches. You agreed, wanting to finally have the tattoo finished. Time went by and a woman walked into the parlour, she was wearing a black latex looking skirt with a matching top, fishnets and some funky looking heels. She was his next client? Good god. Listen, you weren’t one for being insecure. You loved your body! It was amazing! But looking at the woman that just walked in, you couldn’t help but compare yourself just a little bit. She had the ‘perfect body,’ almost no body hair, an hour glass shape, perfect face (probably because of Botox), she was the ideal woman. So watching Jungkook step out of his office and lean on the doorway, smirking at her, made me know that it wasn’t just a touch up that was about to happen. I groaned and looked at V, “Am I almost done…?” “Yep! Just gonna wipe it down with an alcohol wipe and tape you up, then you’re free to go.” He smiled politely at you, which you returned. You luckily finished just before the moans echoed through the parlour, the woman from before, moaning and screaming for Jungkook. You made a small face of disgust, walking to the front desk to pay. RM gave you a sympathetic look, setting up the machine so you could pay. The worst part, was that you could hear his grunts. The grunts he used to make when he fucked you, when he touched you, when he ate you out, even when you bent over to pick something up. Now you’re realizing that you weren’t that special to him. You were a quick fuck and drop. After paying, you walked out of the parlour, a sense of rage present in your gut. Who the hell did he think he was? Honestly, he will never find someone to love forever. He'll always be a player. *** “Is that even sanitary?” Lindsay asked as you guys walked to the bar. You’d came home and told her about your adventures at the tattoo parlour. You weren’t sure if she was treating you to drinks because she felt bad for you, or if it was because she needed to wipe away the vivid picture you painted for her of Jungkoon fucking a woman in his office. You shrugged, stopping in front of the bar, pulling the door open. “I don’t think he’d care even if it wasn’t. Such an asshole…” You mumbled, getting seats at the bar top. You ordered your drinks, a gin and tonic and a dirty Shirley, waiting for the bartender to make them, Lindsay nudged you.
“Look at Mr Hottie over there! God, I’d let him bend me over the bar and fuck me.” She said proudly, biting her bottom lip.
You almost choked on your spit, “I’m sorry, wHaT? Lindsay, you can’t just go around saying that!”
She leaned back and smiled at you, “Come on! I haven’t been fucked in a good while, my vibrators not cutting it anymore! I need a real dick.” Turning her head, she smiled at the guy, winking.
“I thought you were here to drink with me, not get fucked by some random guy.” The drinks came and you instantly drank some, you had a feeling this was gonna be a long night. Grabbing her drink, Lindsay smiled at you once again, walking in the direction of the guy. You groaned and leaned your head on your hand, mixing your drink. Maybe it was from the day, but the gin didn’t feel strong enough. After about 30 minutes, you turned to look at your friend, but not to your surprise, she was gone and so was the guy. “Hope you have a nice fuck.” You mumble to yourself. “Thank you, I will.” The voice caught you off guard, making you jump and turn your head. Jesus Howard Christ. Jungkook smirked down at you, leaning on the bar top. “It was nice seeing you again today. Still looking good.” You didn’t reply, don’t speak to the devil, he’ll hurt you. You sipped your drink in silence, trying not to pay attention to the muscular man beside you. “Come on, you could at least say hi.” “You can at least tell me when you decide to cheat.” You shot back, angrily. Damn it, where’s Lindsay when you need her? “Woah, woah, woah, I never cheated.” Jungkook replied, grabbing his scotch on the rocks. “We were never together, so technically I didn’t actually cheat on you.” Was he serious right now? “Oh, sorry, my bad. I was a fuck toy.” Your jaw clenched, hand gripping the glass of gin and tonic tightly. You could see him smirk from the corner of your eye, “You were a good fuck toy. Always let me use your pretty pussy…fuck you so good. Bet you haven’t had good dick since.” “I’ve had plenty of dick, many that've topped yours.” You snarked back, god, where was your buffer? What happened to ignoring him? And what was with all the lies? “Sure you have. Speaking of, where’s that friend of yours? Did she dump you for dick?” He was trying to get a ride out of you….it was working. “No, she escaped before you came. God blessed her today, but I unfortunately haven’t had his graces placed upon me yet.” You could hear him chuckle lowly, his laugh was deep and husky…fuck, it was hot. “Come on, Y/N, we both know you don’t worship god. You like to worship me when you’re on your hands and knees, waiting to be fucked like a good girl.” He whispered in your ear, using that soft but husky voice you liked. Why’d he have to say your name? Why couldn’t he have kept his stupid mouth shut? “That’s in the past. I’m never going to stoop to a level so low ever again.” Grabbing your bag, you placed a $20 bill on the bar top, paying for you and your friend’s drink. You pushed by Jungkook and made your way to the exit. The air outside was refreshing, something you craved after being stuck in there with Jungkook and his sweet smelling cologne. When you were walking away, your name was called, but you knew it was him. You weren’t gonna answer this time. Not now, not ever again.
Taglist: @talyaaas-blog
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fir3ylolol · 6 months
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hi fir3y :3333 can we have more johnny cage x camera stuff (anything related, nothing specific; cameras in house, recording w phone etc) w him having a long time crush for y/n 😁 kind of like how you did w smile! you're on camera (i cant remember if i sent this if i already did im sorry 😥😥)
dazed and confused
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pairing: Johnny Cage x Reader
summary: it's been a while since you've seen your good friend johnny. but what happens when long-time crush mixes with weed?
tw: vaginal sex, vaginal penetration, oral sex, blowjob, eating out, cunnilingus, long-time crush, weed usage, intoxicated sex, loss of inhibitions, praise, filmed, sex tape, cumming inside, cum eating, putting on a show, whimpering men heheheh, afab!reader, gn reader
a/n: YAYYY finally another post!! its been forever. this was requested by @keiiikomegumi. gotta love men who fall hard and fuck desperately O.O also i think this is the longest fic other than we want you! ive ever written lol
word count: 2.65 k
Ao3
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It’s been about 3 weeks since you last saw Johnny, which kinda sucks. He’s always a lot of fun, and you’ve been really stressed lately. So when you get his text reading, “come over 4 dinner, we can chill 0.o”, you quickly respond, “see u thennn”. You leave shortly afterward, excited to finally relax. You roll into his driveway after about 30 minutes of driving, seeing Johnny’s shadowed figure standing in the doorway. You hop out excitedly, walking over and capturing him in a tight hug. He laughs, hugging you back just as tight. “Hey! I’ve missed you, it’s been wayyyy too long. Come in, I’ve already got some food ready.” You walk in, drinking in the familiar sight of his home. You see the table set, two spots right next to each other, with a suspicious look on his face.
“So what do you have in store for me?” You sit down, watching as he disappears into the kitchen. “Well, I know you’ve been under a lot of pressure lately, and so have I. So…” He walks out, a large silver plate covered with a cloche. “I figured we deserved a treat,” he says with a smirk, lifting it and revealing two brownies. Realization hits you hard. You see, this is California, and if there’s any pastime Californians love, it’s getting high. Johnny is no different; in fact, he likes edibles more, since he says smoking will “damage his star-quality voice and flawless skin.” But he lives a stressful life, and he needs a break just as much as you. So seeing two, delicious-looking brownies on separate plates, you know exactly why you were invited. And you nearly cry.
“Johnny…” you smile up at him, “thank you. So much.” His eyes light up, placing the plates down for you two as he sits down next to you. “Yay, I knew you would be happy! Ok, I’ve got plenty of snacks in the fridge and cold ass water, so we’re set.” He picks his brownie up, and you follow, clinking them together like glasses before taking a bite. It’s rich, fudgy, and absolutely one of the best brownies you’ve ever had. With a mouthful of food, you try to speak, “Schit manm, ‘his is schoo good.” He laughs at you, finishing his bite before speaking, “It’s been barely a month and you’ve forgotten your manners?” You smack him lightly, before standing up and getting a glass of water, downing the whole thing. He follows you, giving you a big hug from behind. He’s rocking back and forth, face buried in your neck. He’s always been more touchy with you than his other friends, but you don’t mind. He’s warm and gentle and always smells fancy. But you laugh, rocking with him. “The room’s already spinning, oooooh.” He lifts you slightly, walking through the kitchen. “You’re so high, oh noooo!” He set you down, laughing still. “You’re so much fun, I missed you.”
You feel a slight twinge in your heart, the words must mean more to you than it does to him. You’ve been a little glad not to see him honestly, but only because your feelings for him have gotten that intense. A break was just what you needed, but now? When you’re going to be wasted and he’s just so nice and so close? You might break. But for now, you appear cool laughing as well before managing to say, “I missed you too” without seeming suspicious. And you start to fall into the same routine as usual, he leads you to the couch to chill together and watch something fun. He used to go to the cinema room, but once he got too high, watched Rambo on the big screen, and had a panic attack. Plus, you can’t cuddle in there, and he can’t stand for that, loudly declaring that he’ll rip the chairs out every time you two go in there. But he never does. You two end up talking about the weeks you didn’t see him. He’s been working on a new film, but won’t reveal any details other than it’s “based on a super true story”. And he laments how hard you’ve been working, trying to convince you again, “You should just quit and hang with me all the time. It would be awesome.” But alas, you turn him down again, as tempting as it is.
Before you know it, it’s been almost two hours, and you’re definitely feeling it more, the buzzing in your brain is a little louder, and Johnny’s touch gives you more goosebumps. But he leans back suddenly, looking you up and down. “Wait, I just realized, I can’t remember the last time you told me one of your famous bad date stories. What’s going on?” You fluster at his words, so direct and to the point that you can’t think for a second. You finally manage to speak again, your tongue feeling a little too heavy, “I’ve just been busy, man.” He scrunches up his face, thinking deeply. “When was the last time you got some? You know…” He nudges you, eyebrows raised suggestively. You take an embarrassingly long pause before speaking again. “...a year.” 
He leans forward, directly in front of your face. “A year?! How are you even alive??” You push him as playfully as you can, completely flustered by the whole thing. “Quit it, it’s not funny!” He sighs dramatically, splayed out across the couch. “So what’s up? Someone catch your eye or something?” You pause again, trying not to look at him, but your mouth betrays you. “Yeah, maybe. But it’s fine, he doesn’t like me like that.” He scoffs, head still tipped back, “What an idiot. You’re awesome. He’s really lucky I don’t just snatch you away for myself.” His whole body freezes as if he said something he didn’t mean to. You look at him, eyes wide and muscles tense. “W…what?” You ask tentatively. But he stands up, walking away while waving his arms around, “Nothing, nothing. Don’t worry about it.” But you can see the tips of his ears are bright red, and he’s tapping his foot on the ground, something he only does when nervous. You stand up and walk over, staying behind him. “Johnny, it’s something. Just tell me, it’ll be ok.” He takes a deep breath before speaking, still turned away from you. “I said he was lucky I didn’t take you for myself. I didn’t mean to say it, but honestly, it’s true. I mean, what kind of idiot doesn’t like the most stunning person alive? I just…I said too much, and I didn’t want to weird you out because you’re such a great friend and…” He’s babbling on, saying way too much and not making a ton of sense.
But you grab his hand lightly, which causes him to turn around. His eyes are watery, his cheeks and the tip of his nose are red, and his mouth is scrunched up in a frown. You can’t help but smile at him, squeezing his hand tighter. “Do you like me, Johnny?” He nods like a child, free hand coming up to wipe his eyes. “I like you too,” you say with a smile, no longer nervous or guilty of your feelings. He sniffles, looking at you with his wide brown eyes, “Really? You do?” As you nod, he sort of snaps back to usual, but not in a performative way, in a happy way. “Well of course you do! Who could resist all this?” He smiles before pulling you into a tight hug. “Thank you,” he whispers in your ear before he pulls away. But not fully, as you two lock eyes, and the air grows thick again. You swallow hard, eyes darting across his face nervously. He cups your face with his left hand, and slowly leans in, pressing his lips to yours. It’s exactly like him, warm and gentle, and it makes you dizzy. In fact, you feel your knees buckle slightly, which he laughs at into the kiss. As he pulls away to breathe again, you can’t help but feel hungry for more. You’ve only gotten a taste of what you’ve wanted for so long, and it’s very appetizing.
Johnny quickly pulls you back to the couch, barely able to think before you find yourself on his lap, hands wandering around your back, eyes locked onto yours. His touch is even more intoxicating than normal, with heavy breathing and racing hearts shared between you two. One hand reaches your neck, pulling you back in. But he’s not as gentle this time, like he’s trying to devour you whole. His other hand is on your hip, guiding you to grind against him slowly. Your hands wrap around his neck loosely. He groans into your mouth, squeezing tighter. You feel his tongue in your mouth, desperate for more of you, more than there is. You can feel yourself growing wetter, so high that your previous inhibitions are gone. Everything is happening so fast, and you’re starting to feel desperate.
He finally breaks away, panting heavily, before looking at you needily. And with how pretty his flushed face is and how badly he wants you, you can’t help but slide down to the floor between his legs. His pupils are blown out, a smile twitching at the corners of his mouth. He tries desperately to pull his pants down quickly, struggling slightly.  But he finally frees himself, cock bouncing out as the angry red tip leaks out. He’s embarrassed, turning his head away slightly, but keeping his eyes locked on you. You have no time to tease, absolutely hungry for him, for this. You take him in your mouth, getting most of the way down before you stop, looking up at him sweetly. He gasps, eyes wide and hands clutching at the couch cushions. You start to move, swirling your tongue around him as you keep a steady pace. His eyelids are fluttering, and very quickly he darts his hands out to grab your face lightly, bringing you up to face him. “C-can I film you? I just…I’ve wanted this for so long and you just look so pretty and I just…I don’t want to forget this, any detail of this.” 
You nod lazily, a smile spreading across your lips as you watch him scramble for his phone. He holds it up, hands shaking as he starts filming. You decide to put on a show for him, looking up through your lashes as you go down again, able to get almost all the way down, gagging slightly. He white knuckles the phone, staring at you intensely. His other hand comes up, grabbing your hair in one hand. His voice rasps out, “Wanna see that face, all of it. God, you’re so good at this. Fuck…” He sighs as you reach your hand out, starting to stroke him as you lean your head down, licking at his balls. He jumps slightly, but the most lovely whine escapes his lips, so you continue, trying to overwhelm him with pleasure. And overwhelm him you do, as he starts squirming back and forth at the intensity of it all, more heady whines. He finally remembers to hold the camera steady, trying to still himself. But as you go down again, rapid and sloppy moves, eyes watering as you look up again, his grasp on your hair tightens. He cries out as he cums, shuddering as you keep going, swallowing it all. You pull off with a pant, looking into the camera and sticking out your tongue to show what you did. He’s breathing hard, letting go of your hair and going slightly slack on the couch. But he tugs at your shirt, pulling it over your head. Even fucked out, he wants more.
You stand up, half-naked, and he tries his hardest to get your pants off too. But his hands are too shaky, and he’s trying to keep his grip on the camera. So you step back and slowly peel them off for him, and you can see his cock twitch slightly at the sight of you. You climb back on top of him, kissing him gently. But he leans to the side, propping the phone against the arm of the couch, and flips to the front camera. He shuffles down a little, leaning slightly to pull his pants down further as you pull his shirt off, wanting to feel his warm skin against yours. He kisses your cheek, and down your neck, reveling in the way you arch your back at the feeling. He whispers out shakily, “You ready? Gonna put a show on for me?” You nod, head dizzy again, as he rubs himself against you, audibly groaning at the feeling. He has no time to waste, sinking into you with a heady whimper. You gasp, taking a second to adjust to him, feeling his hands cling to your hips.
But it’s not long before he’s bucking up into you, using his grip on you for leverage. He’s bit down on your shoulder, whimpers slipping out. Your arms are behind his neck, clinging to him like your life depended on it. You feel him let go, raspy whispers in your ear, “You’re so hot, shit, so tight around me. You like putting on a show for me? Yeah?” You nod, moans pushed out at the force he’s moving now. His voice is shaking more now, but he can’t stop talking, “Shit, I don’t know if it’s the weed talking or what, but you’re so fucking good. Can’t believe I didn’t tell you sooner-” He’s cut off, a whimper as he manages to push deeper, completely enveloped in you. He’s losing his mind, hands wrap around your back for more leverage. But it’s not long before he’s cumming again, a whine as he pushes you down as far as he can. He’s trembling more, heavy pants in your ear. But finally, he’s lifting you and setting you down on the couch. Both of you are breathing heavily, trying to calm down after everything. 
That is until he grabs the phone and puts it in your hands. Confused, you look at him, but suddenly, he’s between your thighs, kneeling on the ground. “Can’t leave you wanting, especially after all that.” He dives in, with no sense of patience, as he sucks at your throbbing clit. His fingers pump inside you, your wetness mixing with his cum. You keep the camera on his face, legs pushed apart as you flinch at your sensitivity. He’s looking up at you, sweet eyes locked on you. He lets go slightly, mumbling into you, “Good job, baby, you’re doing such a good job.” You’re moaning, high-pitched, and slipping from your lips. He’s whining into your sopping cunt, vibrations against your clit causing more jumps. But you cling to him, eyes screwed shut as you cum hard, feeling his tongue lapping everything up with fervor. He finally separates from you, sitting down on the couch with an exhale.
He takes the phone, stopping the recording as he puts his arm around you. “I’ll save those for later,” he says, making you giggle slightly, but you’re quite tired. “We should get high more often, huh?” You snuggle into him, enjoying the feeling of his heartbeat under your ear. “Maybe. But hey, those videos better not get leaked or anything.” Your words cause him to whine out, slightly annoyed. “Come on, you know me! I would never. Besides…it would make too many people jealous, you know? Such a pretty thing like you, all for myself.” You laugh again before looking up at him, sleepy but happy eyes. “You’re stuck with me now, by the way.” He hugs you tight, squeezing you with a wide smile on his face. “I wouldn’t have it any other way.”
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melissa-titanium · 2 months
Note
HELLOOO CAN I TALK TO YOU ABT DOLL
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do you think that like, her being at school let her have some escape from her home and her revenge plans, like in this picture she is smiling and it looks way more like a happy smile than here
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SHE IS HAPPY TO GET HER REVENGE, BUT SHE LOOKS SO TIRED, EVEN HER LAUGH IS TIRED
its like shes getting worse from the kills, in her house there was enough oil for her to not kill any other drones, yet her plan had to work, but it didnt, and only let her feeling more guilty
EVERYONE IS ALLOWED TO SEND ME SHIT ABOUT DOLL ALWAYS AT ANY TIME EVER FOREVER AND EVER. I LITERALLY NEED HER. SHES SO FUCKING COOL. BUT OMG HI YES HOLD ON
thats such an interesting take on pilot doll omg HI???? YES I CAN TOTALLY SEE THIS CONSIDERING WE DONT SEE DOLL IN SCHOOL OUTSIDE OF THE PILOT. HIIII YES OMG ok ok.
i havent actually thought this much about this. i personally think her in the pilot vs her in promening was like. not really a Whole big difference but like...the fact that lizzy now has access to v set her off. shes always been a little unsettling, a little fucking deranged but maybe something happened between ep 1 and 3 thatr was like. lizzy came to her like... hey, one of the disassembly drones came by my bunk the other day. was this the one? (shows doll a pic) and doll just FUcking Loses it . i think she was actively vengeful during the pilot too but YES like ur saying its almost a .grounding thing. everyone here is real and alive. and then at the end of the day she has to go back and face dozens upon dozens upon dozens of corpses that are there because of HER and its liike. idk i imagine shes 18-22 . shes young as hell. and that FUCKS WITH YOU. this is doll to me:
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they know damn well her parents are dead but she's just under being eerie enough that no one really suspects her for anything going on. she's relatively normal around lizzy & not aggressive but not outgoing with other students. like to everyone, shes just a normal kid who lost her parents. plenty of kids have lost their parents, considering the murder drones lurking *right outside the bunker.*
i think she would get tired. yeah. she held onto the all consuming debilitating hatred for these genocidal war machines that killed her parents and countless others. then heartbeat happens, and suddenly people are Okay with them??? that would fucking set her OFF. so long, so fucking long shes been holding onto her anger and not being able to do anything about it . BUT NOW SHE CAN. ough ok but then theres those conflicting feelings bcos of uzi. u can see in promening she has SOME sense of... for lack of a better word, humanity in how she treats uzi (hell even tossing lizzy out of the way when she started killing people.) i think she picks and choses who she cares about and then is usually consistent in how she treats them. basically; dont get on her bad side. she's conflicted at the end of ep3 after learning uzi has the solver; but uzi is siding with the murder drones and thats HER loss for being SCHTUPIDDDDDDDD!!!! but then again, she finally has someone who understands what shes going through... but also AUGH..! i have to kill v i HAVE to kill v ive gotten so far i cant give up now FUCK!!!! FUCK!!!!!!!!!!!! i think there would be so much of her being conflicted between uzi knows what i feel. but also uzi is siding with the bitch who killed my fucking parents. i think she would just spiral and spiral until dead end comes along and she has a decision to make. and she makes it. and uzi is Fucked and v is Fucked and n and tessa are FUCKEd AND OK TYHIS IS GETTING LONG IM DONE
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doll jumpscare
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anincompletelist · 3 months
Text
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[ vol i | vol ii | vol iii | vol iv | vol v ]
firstprince fic recs: hurt/comfort edition! :D
some of these have more angst than others before the comfort, so please be sure to check the tags! but I tried to choose some of my personal favorites that I always return to when I need something comforting to read <3
as always, please remember to leave kudos and a comment if you enjoyed the fic or show support in other ways, and be kind! mind the tags and if you come across something you dislike, please kindly (and quietly) move on.
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talk me down | seafloor | G | 2k
It never gets easier, but with Alex, it’s less exhausting. [Henry gets triggered, and Alex is there for him.]
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Mr. Body Pillow | @inexplicablymine | T+ | 21k
Two boys cuddling on a couch right on top of each other because they are in fact very gay™. Inviting over a complete stranger for cuddles because you are touch starved might be the worst idea Henry has ever had, or the best.
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the clementine thing | @saintlynomenclature | T+ | 6k
And, really, it doesn’t matter whether or not Alex explains it to Liam and the rest of his friends. They’ve never really discussed it between themselves through the years. Slowly, Alex had gone from asking Would you please peel this for me? to Please? to silently extending the citrus without any comment at all, just a soft smile. It’s one of the things that make them Alex-and-Henry; the silent conversations and the contentment in each other’s company. Now, as Alex starts to flourish through his position on the lacrosse team, his slew of AP classes, and his role in student government, getting him to slow down at all is a feat. The only way that Henry can do it, guaranteed, is by one of those innocuous little fruits. There’s nothing Alex can’t do—surely, he could peel a fucking orange if he felt so inclined—but Henry delights in being able to do this for him. [Five times Henry shares a clementine with Alex, and one time Alex returns the favor]
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sea of endless hope | acastle | E | 85k
Henry watches Alex, the man he adores and loves so ardently, and the moment is palpable, delicate, and yet too large for even the sky to contain. He watches Alex, and in that moment, he wants to be his husband, the ache and urge of it almost unbearable. “Daddy!” Nena takes Henry’s hands, and he looks down at her, the angel who had saved him, and he smiles at her, quiet with emotion, letting her lead him into place. He would follow her, follow Alex, anywhere. (Henry, Alex, and their daughter, and the first years of coming home, forever.)
you can see it with the lights out | weathersriley | G | 3k
Alex thinks of the water. Of feeling like he might never reach the surface, might never reach Henry. But Henry is here; Alex remembers falling asleep in the glow of his presence, and beneath his shaking fingers, Henry’s chest is warm and his heart is beating steadily and Henry is here. Alex is afraid, but Henry is here.
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I ask you how you're doing (and I let you lie) | @matherines | M | 6k
The first time Henry sees it happen, he knows instantly that it is not the first time it has ever happened. They’re sitting in the living room of the brownstone, the two of them surrounded by their favorite people in the world, a night of board games long abandoned in favor of mocking the eighth season of Game of Thrones. “God, don’t you have an off switch?” June groans, laughing as she chucks a piece of popcorn in Alex’s direction while he rambles passionately about the international legal implications of the Red Wedding. Nora cackles. “Whatever you do to thank Henry for putting up with you, it’s not nearly enough. Jesus, I can’t believe he put a ring on your loud mouth.” [Or: Alex is fine. Really, he’s fine — he just wants Henry to stay, even if Alex is too much. Henry just wants his husband back.]
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Aftercare | @whimsymanaged | M | 2k
When Alex has an intense hookup without aftercare, he finds himself on his best friend Henry’s doorstep in desperate need of looking after.
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Dream a Little Dream of Me | @affectionatelyrs | T+ | 9k
They’re no longer in the garden. There’s no grass, no flowers, no fireflies. Only stars—hundreds upon hundreds of them in an otherwise vast sea of darkness, dazzling and twinkling and here. “How—” “They came here for you,” Alex says, his voice light. “It’s what you desired. So, I asked them to come and shine. Just for you.” “But won’t the world need them?” Alex shrugs and simply says, “You need them more.” [Or, Five times Alex visits Henry in his dreams during his dark days, and one time he does so in the real world (and stays)]
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Burnt Offering | justicefortheJ14magazine | G | 9k
Alex’s hair care routine is elaborate, he struggles to let Henry help him, and he learns some important things about receiving love through service. [A look at FirstPrince’s love through each love language: Acts of Service]
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I would stay forever (if you say don't go) | @coffeecatsme | T+ | 6k
The words echo in his head, unbidden. The words from another life, practically another universe, shoved inside the small walls of a gilded cage, hidden in a room in London with shuttered windows and locked doors. A boy’s voice Henry still remembers ten years later, when he doesn’t quite remember what he had for lunch the day before. A boy’s voice on a phone that understood him better than every member of his family, even an ocean, a continent, three thousand miles away. A boy’s voice that told him in no uncertain terms that it was okay if he wasn’t okay, that allowed him to pave a path until he was. To open a new shelter in New York City, Henry needs to interview a host of potential lawyers to hire. He doesn't expect one of them to be the boy that saved his life ten years ago.
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Don't Give Up Your Ghost | @nocoastposts | G | 1k
Healing is not linear.   When Henry first heard this phrase, he brushed it off as a cliche. An evergreen proverb for those who didn’t know what else to say. As his anger morphed into crippling sadness, he began to understand the sentiment. Henry never knows when the grief will become all-consuming. A perfectly fine day can shatter instantly, with no preamble or warning given. The most trivial things - a scent, a laugh, a song - can utterly and completely devour him. Learning to accept the ebb and flow was not easy. He knows that the dark days will never cease completely. He also knows that Alex will brave the storm with him, time and time again. Henry is eternally grateful for this. [Or, Henry reflects on some common platitudes of grief - then and now.]
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outta luck to spend | potentiallyunloveable | T+ | 9k
“Nora ignorin’ ya?” a voice says from beside him, and Henry startles, turns to his left, is suddenly frozen. The man who’s slid into the seat next to him, silently, without Henry noticing, is quite possibly the most beautiful man Henry’s ever seen in his life. He’s got the widest smile, sweet dimples, soft brown skin and impossibly long eyelashes. He’s wearing a fucking Stetson, and Henry feels like the wind’s been knocked out of him. Or: Henry (lost, hopeless) meets Alex (bright, hopeful), in a bar in Texas.
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thunderstruck | @wordsofhoneydew | T+ | 2k
“Alex, slow down.” Henry pulls away softly from Alex’s taut grasp. “Are you feeling alright now?” “Y-yeah, I think I’m okay.” Alex smiles back meekly at Henry’s heedful gaze. Alex feels like he has gotten way ahead of himself. “I'm just a huge astraphobic, ever since I was little. I guess I never grew out of it.” [or, Alex has a fear of thunder so Henry comforts him]
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fell apart (in the usual way) | @hypnostheory | E | 12k
By the time they’ve reached the landing, Henry is shaking his arm out of Alex’s grip. “The picture of grace under fire,” he says, the words snapping from his mouth. Alex blinks at him, before his face smooths into its professional mask. “You can’t pick a fight with the Queen’s equerry, no matter how averse you are to the concept of the monarchy.” Alex looks Henry up at down, his mouth forming a tight line. “I don’t pick fights, Your Majesty,” he says, adjusting his grip on Henry’s suitcase. Henry can’t help but laugh at the ridiculousness of that statement. “Shaan called me a few weeks ago to go over every single thing that made you miserable about the holidays. It was a very long phone call.” Henry doesn’t doubt that. “I’m going to help you avoid as many of those items as possible.” [Henry is a mess around the holidays, and he's expecting to have a tremendously horrid time without Shaan. Fortunately, Alex has plans to make his Christmas both merry and bright.]
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ocean waves | seafloor | E | 10k
Henry Fox wakes up with a toothache one morning, and has a lot of feelings about certain things for days afterwards.
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I'd hold you as the water rushes in | @saintlynomenclature | M | 11k
“—lex. Alex.” Fuck. Where had his mind gone? Alex snaps his eyes to Henry’s, forcing his attention back from where it had drifted. “I’m listening, I’m listening. What were you saying?” Anyone else would probably be offended, or would just laugh at the clearly conflicting statements that had flown thoughtlessly out of his mouth. Instead, Henry’s brow crinkles, lips downturning as he scans Alex’s face. “Are you alright? You’ve been acting strange all night.” Those blue eyes are much easier to deal with through FaceTime. Alex has to look away from them, less he caves and spills everything to Henry. He pastes a smile on, “Fantastic, Your Highness. All this bubbly is going to my head, the sugar’ll get me in the morning.” [Or, Alex drops on New Year's Eve]
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never be so polite (you forget your power) | Standinginmoonlight | M | 6k
The one where Arthur Fox leaves letters for his children.
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while you were sleeping (I fell in love) | @kill8a | M | 3k
As their relationship progresses, Alex notices that Henry’s sleeping habits start to progress as well. Notably, more naps, less insomnia, and a knack for falling asleep at any hour of the day.
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that's all for now!
hurt/comfort is one of my all time favorite tropes, so feel free to rec me some if they aren't on this list, or to reach out with ideas for other rec lists in the future! <3
-- sarah / anincompletelist xx
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smallchaoscryptid · 5 months
Note
wait okay... you offered qsmp fic recs I LOVE FIC RECS.... please please please please please (<- guy who does not have a lot of time for looking for good fics on ao3 and loves to hear about what media his mutuals like)
okay this is going to be long and it took me so long to make so it will be under a read more and organized by ship and word count and each fic should be linked (also a promo for all my fics on ao3 which is also under the username smallchaoscryptid)
Misc Recs:
Under 1k:
Andrea Doria by White space (Blanc_u) it's like a character study of roier and his dealing with pepito and its relation to his pants (very good almost made me cry)
1k to 10k:
danse macabre by bonesandthebees (bonesandcacti) bolas dancing together (just a really fun fic to read)
confiança by atthebell forever comforting cellbit after the black shulker investigation (this fic lives in my brain because atthebell just writes 4bit so well)
Estoy Lista by WhyB cellbit invites jaiden to live in his castle with him and roier (god this fic makes me think about what would have happen if jaiden and roier would have actually kept talking reguarly without bobby)
dead tired by notsubtleatall (orphan_account) roier makes cellbit go to sleep (god i love this fic so much)
Spiderbit Recs:
Under 1k:
napping is better with two by FlowerBox sleepy catbit with roier (really cute)
1k to 10k:
Feather-Light by BecausePlot cellbit crawling into bed to sleep with roier (really cute)
i'm scum, i'm waste (i'm what you want) by songbirdscoo sick cellbit that takes place after spiderbit has a breakup and richas finds roier to take care of sick cellbit (this one is so fucking good its a bit angsty bc of the breakup but its so good)
not quite but we're almost there by atthebell spiderbit takes a walk that is totally not a date (this one is so good and so soft)
The Red Means I Love You!! by Anonymous roier accidentally gets caught in the middle of a ritual cellbit was doing (this fic was so good it took me a bit to realize what was wrong with roier and then once i did i reread the fic and was shaking him violently this fic and its sequal are litterally so good)
that's the deal, my dear by Mitos (SeriouslyCalamitous) cellbit gets turned into a cat and finds roier (this fic is litterally so cute and i love it so much)
Drown With Me by doodooagentg jaiden makes cellbit take care of roier after cellbit had killed abueloier and roier is still angry about abueloier's death (this has such its quiet uptown vibes its insane and ive reread this fic so many times because roiers anger is so acurate here and the ending is just so ahhhhhh)
Helping a friend out by cherryplotting roier helps cellbit solve a puzzle and cellbit gets a kiss (FUCK, THIS HAS A SECOND CHAPTER NOW had to read that before i post this second chapter is also so good)
Over 10k:
It’s Just Some Little Thing by CurrentlyWorry enimies to lovers au where bobby and richas are friends but spiderbit ends up hating eachother for a little bit (god this one was so good its 171k and i read it in two days and am thinking about reading it again)
Breaking Dawn by Anonymous cellbit is a monster hunter looking into werewolves and meets a guy who turns out to know a lot about werewolves (this fic is unfinished as of right now but is so good and i cant stop rereading it)
those of flowering hearts and wilting souls by yourfauxentropy beauty and the beast au with a twist (this one is so good there was a point where i thought this fic wasnt going to have a happy ending but it still had such a grip on me)
your palms; a home for my soul by mars_revived roiers heart is shattered in to peices and he shouldnt be able to love ever again but he meets cellbit who might be able to help him (i need to read this one again its so good and like how subitally the author has them fall in love has me insane)
mystical time, cuttin' me open then healin' me fine by foolich (enhypen) festa junia timeloop!!! festa junia timeloop!!! festa junia timeloop!!!festa junia timeloop!!! (i love this one so much because the author was so good of messing with the readers feelings with the timeloop)
interstellar by mirotic_chess cellbit gets trapped on a distant planet after he crashes on it and is luckily helped out by one of the inhabitants (god the ending of this fic makes me so!!!)
Estoy Lista by WhyB by de4thveins roier sneaks away from his princely duties to gawk at cellbit
Fitpac Recs:
1k to 10k:
Promise? by TastyToast takes place during the happy pills arc pac runs away and fit finds him and comforts him
Trust Me? by AelinCreativ another happy pills arc fic but its what happened if fit would have been there for pac when it happened (probably my favorite one of these type fics)
Beyond the Haze by Mitos (SeriouslyCalamitous) happy pills arc but fit is there for pac the entire time (this one is also really good)
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