#ive just been feeling neglected recently

[bibleofficial]

how often should u talk to ur hamster ? like bother them when they’re awake ? like are they fine just runnin on the wheel for most the day ?

#stream #idk gloria gets up at like 9 & noon & 16 & 20 & then she’s up until like idk 4am #but i usually say hi in the morning & then i also say hi around noon like more than hi im like u know proper bothering her like i give her #sunflower seeds to decase ? idk #but she Loves Them i Knew she would bc thats like all she’d eat when i got her 😭😭😭 like she’d pick those type seeds out but they were small #but anyway i’ve been feeling like i’ve been neglecting her for the past week bc ive just been so depressed #not week it’s been since like wednesday but i’ve had her in the ball & playing on the bed for a while she’s happy but also i have her #the seeds earlier & i’ve been just saying hi but idk she hasn’t been in the ball as much recently bc ive been busy but idk like r they #actually required to get much attention ? bro i’ve never had a hamster before but gloria is a darling #she always comes to say hi she’s so cute #i’ll b like ‘i hear u runnin ! r u goin for a run ? look at u ! ur so fast !’

[cosmojjong]

concerned with myself girl get help

#ive been feeling way too sad these days that my brain's way of coping is just subbing jonghyun stuff #on one hand that's awesome because jonghyun keeps me afloat #but on the other hand i skip my hours of sleep and that's not even remotely okay #why do i do this to myself actually #it's not like there is an external pressure coming or a deadline or whatever #i have this problem where i have to do everything in one sitting or nothing #but theres no need to do that rn #so i started a 46 minute interview two days ago and i am basically almost done #of course there's a lot of reviewing to do and i will never really find this stressful he's just everything to me #so eventually it's a pleasure #what bothers me is how i keep neglecting my sleep almost as if i was a robot #it's the way that i repress how i am feeling by doing something else #that's not very healthy and it's how i have always been dealing with tough situations #so i don't know any better #other than just keeping myself busy with something #ah anyways i am just idk really sad and in a weird place #i can say with certainty i have cried every day recently #wish i could get out of this

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

ATIA for talking bad about my gf?

im a 15yr old transmasc for context, gf is 14 cis F

this is a bit of background, but ill make it quick. i've been dating this girl since 6th grade (im now 15 and in 9th grade). she used to be really open, considerate, and hot. she had a really cool style and i liked her a lot, cringe and all.

over the time from 6th-9th grade, she questioned her gender, which is understandable. i supported her whatever she identified as that week and solidified my support by making her things with the pronouns and gender she used. however, i was going through the gender thing too, but leaned to be more masc. i started using masc pronouns, which i expressed to her, and she neglected to use. i eventually went back to they/them, which she seemed relieved for. that struck me as odd.

anyways, over the summer, i had to be hospitalized for some mental health issues (i will explain further if needed, long story short, i was thugging it out) and couldnt make it to the last two weeks of school. at the time i didnt have a phone either, so i couldnt call her. to her knowledge my friend ratted me out for a self threat and i got yoinked from school.

so, i hang out with her over the summer, and shes totally different. skinny as hell, blonde highlights, and a different style. she acted the same, for the most part, maybe a bit more confident, but i didnt mind, it just freaked me out that she'd dropped so much weight (she was slighty above average)

fast forward, we're halfway through the school year now, and shes kind of being a dick to Friend (15F, who was friends with her first but whatever) Friend doesnt know why and i dont either, but its another thing that stikes me as odd in a bad way. recently ive been considering breaking up with her, seeing as she is being a dick, and also has a few other problems (cutting people off when speaking, speaking too loudly, not aware of space she takes up, not speaking openly about her feelings to anyone, etc)

ive been talking to Friend about this a LOT, and my gf seems to be getting worse in behavior by the day. i feel bad because it feels like im talking about her behind her back, but i also cant bring up any concerns directly to her as she diflects my concerns.

TL;DR, my gf is being odd and not nice or communicative, and i talk to my friend about it a lot and the consideration of breaking up with her. atia?

What are these acronyms?

#aita #am i the asshole

[karoochui]

Okay. So I recently found your blog and been obsessing over the sandman au but like. You mentioned things about reincarnation and how y/b died and like. If sand sun and boogie moon remember everything after the fire, do they know what happened to y/n? And don’t they realize that y/n is gonna die again? After all, I’m assuming that y/n is just a human and sun and moon are like. Kinda gods of dreams? Falling in love for a second time with a person you kinda know is gonna die eventually must be scary

Oh okay well firstly! They aren't gods or anything like that, theyre just them with the magic to boot. All the changes in the world were brought upon by a virus outbreak that i call the AP virus (as reference to it as a fourth wall viewer, not as in what it's called in the story) that killed off most living things by rotting them from the inside-out. After the events of Binary Resurgence this virus causes an apocalypse that's basically the start of everything being re-evolutionized and magic resurfacing. Everything is affected and some species stay the same (like some humans) and some don't. This all happens within like ~2000 years after the plex burns down. It's inspired by adventure time if that helps give you a better idea.

Magic is a pre-exisiting thing that's been subdued by polution (its part of the earth, pollution kills the Earth blah blah blah) and also ignorance/neglect of practice. Like ive said before this story will have a sequel which is where all the magic happens (lol) and it's only really touched upon/used as a foreshadowing element in the first story.

Also sun and moon aren't quite literally the sandman and boogie man, sun wasnt even inspired by either. I actually just mashed the two concepts together for moon's design and skills. Sun is more-so based on a grave-digger,western cowboy kinda look with a witchy touch. And yes! They do know what happened to y/n, they remember everything. They had to LIVE through the apocalypse after y/n's death and then live through the world changing all over again. They actually do "die" (their battery goes kaput) for a hot second but magic doesn't let many things rest in the means of evolution and their body is revitalized.

And yeah meeting y/n again after all of that is fucking horrifying for them but it's also a blessing. Its a plot point actually, because over the years Sun hasnt become evil, persay, but he's a fucking nut lmao. He has been through Some Shit and is absolutely deranged and not always in the best way. His behavior and actions eventually cause some arguments and stuff. The sequel is gonna be more of a feel-good story though, to make up for the terrible way the first one is gonna end.

Yeah y/n is gonna eventually die again (not that i plan to write that but humans aren't immortal) but it isnt so much about that as it is about "things will go right this time". The first story was very much a "right person, wrong time" kinda thing. I wouldn't say it's slice of life, because i don't really like that genre by itself, but it has elements.

Basically i really liked the concept for the first story but i hate bad endings so i made a sequel to fix everything. Also i hope that answered your questions! If not then don't be shy about asking some more.

#my asks #binary resurgence: round 2 au #binary resurgence

[pokemoncenter]

This may sound like an odd question at first, but it relates to a serious error ive made recently and i feel just terrible about it.

A question from a concerned trainer: Can most pokemon distinguish between an act of carelessness/recklessness against them and an act of intentional ill-will? (specifically, fish pokemon such as feebas/milotic)

Now, for context, the great 'error' ive made is that ive been frankly neglecting the general wellbeing of my best friend, my most beloved loyal companion; my Milotic, Athena. Ive only JUST realized it, and now i feel awful about it :<

You see, in an effort to better myself as a trainer and better understand the native pokemon of my region (I'm from Galar), i have recently been taking up the large task of filling up my pokedex. I have caught many different species of pokemon with my best and most strong of companions, Athena; and she has been nothing but the greatest of pokemon to me. But today a certain unusual behavior of hers made me realize that since taking up this pokedex-quest, i haven't been the trainer she deserves back.

Confession of a selfish trainer:

I had been using her as just a tool, a stepping stone, and not regarding her as the most beautiful and deserving friend as i had been before... We'd go out into the wild area for hours on end each day, battle after battle, never taking a break, never stopping to rest, only me and her, and even only ever healing when she physically could not go on further or without risking her serious harm. But by far the worst thing i did was never allowing her to battle these opponents...

Athena is very strong, and thus even on the toughest of wild area pokemon, even one attack would render them... uncatchable. So i made the same mistake over and over infinitely, of ignoring her, only focused on catching, never attacking, constantly letting her get bombarded with enemy attacks.

It was only when she began acting out against my idiocy- an apathy for battling, a profound distantness, with wavering obedience that had previously *never* faltered- that i realized i was doing something terrible, and doing it to my best friend no less... the worst was when i realized i hadnt had her healed at a proper pokemon center in over a week, despite non-stop battling. I had been using bag items, but those are surely no replacement for centers entirely, right?

Even after going on an amazing camping trip, making her favorite curry, and ensuring to give her my fullest attention whenever she even hinted at wanting it, i still feel like such a bad trainer, and an awful and dirty person, that i dont deserve the position i have, the incredible pokemon i have, their incredible stregth and loyalty...

So i ask one question:

Will/can she ever forgive me? (not that i would have done anything to deserve or be entitled to forgiveness after what i did...)

Sorry for the incredibly long length of this question, but i thought it was important to provide all context i had and get this off my chest.

Anonymous, I mean this in the kindest possible way:

Go to therapy.

I am no psychologist nor psychiatrist. I cannot diagnose anything, nor can I help. But you are displaying here a serious obsessive streak in a frankly worrying manner. To nonstop battle, to the detriment of your bonds with your closest friends, is one thing. But to not notice when over a week has passed in such a situation is extremely abnormal.

In addition- Yes, you messed up. You damaged your bond with your Pokemon. But you should not be asking me for how to repair this bond, or if this bond can be repaired. You should be looking to her. Milotic are intelligent, and can discern the difference between intentional and accidental harm in many ways, but extreme prolonged neglect... Judging from the lengths you have described, you can hardly call it 'unintentional' anymore. She is not sapient or sentient in a human way, but she still has emotions of her own. It is up to you to decide what is best.

And, to be blunt, dumping all of this in the inbox of a total stranger does not speak wonders to your mental state, either.

Go to therapy. Both for yourself, and for Athena.

#pokeblogging #pkmn irl #unreality

[kasaneteto]

obviously been in my posting era for the past few months & ive been thinking about that and what it means for me so some thoughts on that

posting as much as i have been was sparked by having to end my most recent relationship due to the realization that we were codependent & it was making it hard for us to function effectively. finn was always my guy to ramble at but there would always be times that they didnt have anything to say in response so they would just be like “okay” and i would feel so annoying :( they were never annoyed (well not usually i cant say they were NEVER annoyed by me) but my mind always catastrophizes social interactions that leave me feeling self-conscious to mean “oh they hate you”

anyways. for a while i was kind of worried that my codependency habit has graduated from finn -> posting & while im not sure that ISNT the case… i do think the posting has been good for me. ive been journaling for a couple years now but it doesn’t help me in the same way as posting stuff like this. its harder to process thoughts when im just talking to myself vs writing something out thats meant to be for someone else to read. writing with the intent of it being for someone to see helps me process things so much easier, and that doesn’t really work when im writing it in a place nobody can see it. when i was a kid i would post deviantart journals in the same way. of course back then i was a neglected child who was just looking for validation in any form & where i got it most was the internet.

i think its the fact that ive been doing it ever since i was a kid that made me feel like making posts like these were juvenile in nature and something i should move on from. but since making an effort to be more true to myself & not let embarrassment or the fear of being judged get to me, ive found that i have the strong urge to make posts and that it brings me joy when i do! it really has helped me have a clearer understanding of the way i think/feel. plus tumblr rly does kinda feel like a home website. it helps that it hasn’t changed much and a lot of the userbase i was around in its heyday are still here. it feels like a comfortable place to scream into the void where im not worried about who’s potentially seeing this shit. & thats another thing - it has helped me feel less annoying in general!

im so used to feeling like my presence is inherently bothersome and that any self-assertion is going to make people wish i wasn’t there. this feeling extrnds to posting anywhere. but thats so fucking stupid!!!! if people dont like me or are that annoyed by me they dont have to fuckin look!!!!!! just unfollow me idfc!!!!! i feel good about the level of clarity i have in my life rn and posting long rambling introspective shit like this has been doing wonders in helping me keep myself grounded. so i will continue to do so. i will say though i sometimes wonder who all is reading this shit lmao. watch there be someone out there who’s just obsessed with my ass waiting on baited breath for my next post. if thats the case then get well soon bitch….im probably too unhinged for you to handle 💅

#txt

[altermay]

Tw/ transphobia, discussions of dysphoria, brief mention of suicide, descriptions of child abuse

Getting unbearable. Feeling sick. Started working to afford hormones only to find out the service that is most accessible to me (plume) doesnt offer T in alabama anymore due to changing laws. Fuck all these stupid politicians putting their noses in others lives.

Thought people at work wouldnt make a super huge deal, as I was selective with who I told, so i thought maybe I could hold out a bit longer and at least i wouldnt have to feel so dysphoric all the time, since all my coworkers knew me as Monte. But then instead of my name, people who would usually call anyone else by their name started calling me “Miss” and “maam”

Even the ones I had come out to, and even the ones who told me they were accepting.

Whatever, im from a small rural area, so transphobia is not new to me, what is new to me, however, is being openly trans in an unfamilliar environment. I thought I could start T quickly and maybe people would ever forget that im trans in the first place, but now its been so long.

Some people call me He, and use the right pronouns, but increasingly lately Ive received a myriad of transphobia.

Being called tranny loudly while my coworker kicks my broom as I try to sweep (kicking hard enough for the broom to almost leave my hands and hit another person behind me) , Getting called “it” behind my back. Stuff like this is becoming more common.

The two coworkers who called me it, have been spreading lies about my work performance these past five days, Ive been told my three different people that every time I leave to go do something they start talking badly of me. So I got to my breaking point, at this point it had nothing to do with the pronouns, I was just upset that two forty+ year old adults were purposefully making my job harder to do while I was also struggling with a ton of other stuff (ptsd, seasonal depression, a family members recent suicide) and so I couldnt stop crying.

Despite this situation having nothing to do with me being trans, they are now trying to spread the narrative that Im just being sensitive because they were misgendering me while they were borderline bullying me.

If I was not trans, people would take me seriously on these issues. But now, because I am upset, suddenly Im just a stereotype. A sensitive trans person who is offended because someone used the wrong pronouns a few times.

I will be one to say, I do not give a SHIT about my pronouns. Ive been called the wrong ones my whole life by a majority of people. That was never the issue. But because Im trans, that is the only issue people can perceive for me to have. The ONE issue I had with them regarding my pronouns was them calling me “it” and thats not because its the wrong pronoun, thats because its DEHUMANIZING.

But now I have other coworkers who know NOTHING about the situation saying shit like “well if she claims shes a man maybe she should suck it up” “well if she wants to be seen as a man maybe she shpuld cut her hair”

Fuck you. How about YOU get beaten for 17 years, YOU watch your siblings get beaten near to death for 17 years. YOU have flashbacks of things you dont understand all day every day and we will see how fucking well youre able to “suck it up” you are WEAK. YOU ARE ALL WEAK. And you dont know what its like to be me. My mother tried to kill me. My mother almost killed my sister, I was neglected, never went to a doctor, and I STILL dont know how to take care of myself. And I still havent recovered all of the memories.

Ive had SHORT HAIR ive had LONG HAIR Ive had a MOHAWK, ive had a BUZZCUT ive been BALD. And people STILL fucking saw me as a woman. Im tired of conforming to this bullshit just so people can treat me the same as they always do

Fun fact though, since Ive had long hair Ive been gendered correctly by strangers MORE than I have with ANY OTHER HAIR STYLE.

These stupid fucking transphobes and their stupid fucking stereotypes im so fucking sick of it all. And corporate wont do anything about it, Im sure of this.

Why is it so hard for me to just live my fucking life.

Im so sick of it all

#vent #tw vent #tw transphobes #transphobes #transphobia #tw suicide mention #suicide mention #abuse #child abuse #neglect #tw abuse

[payongdahon]

endings & new beginnings : timeless reading ♡

˚₊· ͟͟͞➳ pile 1 ˚₊· ͟͟͞➳ pile 2 ˚₊· ͟͟͞➳ pile 3

— [♡] hello everyone and welcome to my first PAC reading! today's reading is one that i've been wanting to do since i've noticed recently, a lot of people have been moving out or leaving things that no longer serve them (especially since leo season just started) and also those who are living out their best life as well! this reading is timeless though, take what resonates and simply ignore what doesn't. this is your life, and you better be healthy to yourself ♡

this is only for entertainment purposes, and you are still in control of your own fate and destiny no matter what. ♡

˚₊· ͟͟͞➳ pile 1

back of the deck: king of pentacles

cards: the world (reversed), x of pentacles, the devil, judgement (reversed), ix of swords, ix of wands, ace of pentacles (reversed)

tw: hints of mental health issues and unhealthy coping

— currently, or perhaps in the past, you may have had to hinder your future and your goals for family or friends, this relationship has been really close, or this situation was possibly even caused by a generational practice. you had to live in survivor mode and you felt overwhelmed by everything, this most likely let to you having either bad self-image or low self esteem, some of you may have had to cope in ways that if you were perhaps more lucid, it wouldn't be something you would be okay with. but this felt like your responsibility, and bigger than your world, and that's a very heavy burden. whatever you may have had to do to cope, was to survive, to live another day, and you deserve to forgive yourself and better yourself from there. it is not the end of the world, my love. at this moment, no matter what is happening around you right now, you are safe here, and you can take off the responsibilities you had or once had here, even for just a moment.

on the bright side, though, things may take a turn for you soon or it already has. either an abundance of opportunities will/has enter your life and lift yourself from this situation and live anew, or an opportunity will bring you an abundance of possibilities. here, you will have control of your life, live the way you want, act the way you want, and attract abundance from there. you're going to feel safe and at ease, and be able to rest like a newborn baby. i am so excited for you pile 1!! ♡

˚₊· ͟͟͞➳ pile 2

back of the deck: iii of wands (reversed)

cards: knight of swords, ii of swords (reversed), the hermit (reversed), the world, iv of pentacles (reversed), queen of swords (reversed), wheel of fortune (reversed)

— i think you've been feeling very weak and unmotivated, but you've been running away from something, something you know you've been having unfinished, and in turn you sacrifice your own true self in turn. you have been neglecting yourself and your views, your light to escape this and you already know what it is. you need to face this, and come into terms with this, and put an end to this, or simply find peace with it, and then you will find a new beginning. you find your world will be turned upside down, but since you have been resisting this, i will just tell you the rewards on the other side for putting your sword down and moving on.

an ambitious, independent and righteous soul emerges out from the fog, and everything you touch, it blooms beautifully. you will find abundance and control over your life again, and what you wished for your future self to be will be better with time. you will stop running away and stop living with regrets and unfinished business and grudges. you know better now, and you know what you can do to help yourself now. you live for yourself, and you stand up for yourself, and you are true to yourself. you live in peace.

˚₊· ͟͟͞➳ pile 3

back of the deck: ace of swords (reversed)

cards: ix of cups (reversed), iiv of swords (reversed), ii of cups, vi of wands, the high priestess, iii of swords

— this wasn't supposed to be a love reading, but i think this pile has finally realized they've fallen in love with someone or are starting to feel that spark. but since you can't cope with it, or you don't bask in it, or maybe you don't want to be in love, you are choosing to withdraw, evade or look away because you're still in the same place. you can't move away from it. because when love finds you, it will chase you down and you cannot run away from it. and all you do is stay still and keep quiet about it, because you don't know what to do anymore. you feel helpless.

"there are three things you cannot hide. a cough, poverty , and love. the more you try to hide it, the more it will be revealed."

soon, you will need to make a decision of a lifetime, because this seems to hold a lot of meaning to you. you are going to let go of this burden and this feeling you've been trying to force away and avoid. this means you either confess or come into terms that you've fallen for this person. and this isn't easy, i know, but you end up doing one of them, but once you do, and i can't guarantee you'll be given a yes, you won't have any regrets anymore. it's heavy, and it might be lonely, but either way, whether they feel the same way or reject you, it will be worth it in the end. i really wish the best for you, pile 3. you can do this!

bonus: channeled song ❦ fallen by lola amour

#pac reading #tarot reading #advice reading #spirituality #cartomancy #pick a pile #pick a card #future self reading #tarot #tarotcommunity

[runwiththerain]

dndusjsjjhs i feel like ive been neglecting my friend duties so hi!!!! hru!!!!! sorry i havent been talking to you much recently im really forgetful and just shsjshsjsjsj yeah im sorry

hiiiii :)) ngl im not that great but its whatever, dont wanna bother u with it

that's okay !! honestly my timezone sucks cause it means im at school all day and then when i get home all of my moots go to sleep ngl. so its not all your fault its partially mine

#ash tag 🐦‍⬛ #my loves (moots) #asks

[zombie-rott]

"Burying myself alive."

Prompt: “Have you eaten anything?”

Pairing: Established Papa IV/ Reader

POV: You / Your 

Pronouns: She/her

Synopsis:

You haven't been coping lately, and things are getting stressful as the new tour dates approach. You don't know how you're going to survive without him, especially when feeling so vulnerable, and take to running to calm your anxiety.

But, even as a seasoned runner, you neglect yourself. Slowly you began slipping back into a world you promised you never would.

Notes:

This is a short, two-chapter (because it was way too long for one Tumblr post) personal piece. It is based on a conversation had by my husband and me many years ago after I relapsed pretty hard into Anorexia Nervosa. I don't have a lot of memories from that time (or previous relapse because, well, long-term side effects), but this is one of the conversations I will never be able to forget.

It's also now that I realise all the fluff I write about Copia is literally just how my husband is. Do with that what you may.

!WARNINGS!

Mentions of anorexia nervosa, eating disorders, and mental health issues.

Part II

~ ~ ~ ~ ~

The Abbey had wonderful and expansive grounds, lined with beautiful evergreens and towering willow trees. There was a lake to the east of The Abbey and flower gardens maintained by Elder Primo to the South. Better still, there were pre-laid stone trails twisting and winding throughout. Perfect for evening strolls or morning activities. 

Specifically your favourite thing; Running.

It was a hobby you had taken up during high school and carried through into your adult life. Throughout your life, it had gone from being a hobby to being a way in which you could release your emotions and practice self-care. When your mind began to feel fogged and overwhelmed with anxiety, you took to the cobbled paths. 

Over the years you worked and lived in The Abbey, you’d encouraged quite a few others to join you. Specifically, the ghouls of various Papa’s who enjoyed the freedom to release pent-up energy when they weren’t performing. 

You’d even tried to convince Copia out on a run when you’d first established yourselves as a couple. But he shot that idea down, instead suggesting that sex with you was enough exercise for him. 

To show his support, however, he met you at the end of your route each morning. It had been well over a year and six months, and he was still doing it. And each morning he brought a different treat. Sometimes it was just coffee, either black with sugar, or a light latte. Other times he brought juice, croissants and even, on one occasion, muffins. He would walk you back to their quarters where he often joined you in a shower before you both went on with the rest of your days. 

However, recently things had become rather stressful in The Abbey. Your paperwork never seemed to end, and Copia was always caught up in rehearsals or meetings about the upcoming tour. 

Ah. The tour.

You were avoiding thinking about it, for each time a new tour began, you were left without your Copia. The king-sized bed was suddenly three miles long, cold and empty. 

You thought you would be used to it by now, but you still felt the ache in your chest. Of course, he would call often, but it wasn’t the same. No one lay sleeping while you got up early to run. No one was there with coffee at the finish line. No one was there to help you wash off the sweat and shin splints. And, worst of all, no one was there to help chase away the darkness. 

Copia was aware, of course. He knew how you felt and, truly, leaving you broke him also. But you both knew that, while it wasn’t what you wanted, it was what needed to happen. It was the will of The Unholy One to spread the word through music. And Copia was his chosen one. All he asked in return was to travel the world, doing tour after tour, and enslaving as many as possible. 

Copia was nothing if not a good servant. 

You’d managed it, but you can’t lie and say it was easy. Things really took a turn for the worst during their last tour. You had struggled with a nasty bout of depression brought on by several little things, and exacerbated by his long absence. As a result, you experienced a little bit of a relapse in regard to disordered eating habits. Anorexia Nervosa, in particular, You truly had thought that you were far enough into recovery to ever fall backwards. You knew the signs to look out for and, therefore, it wasn’t an issue. You’d catch it before it became a problem! 

Except, you didn’t. 

You’d tried downplaying it, of course, but Copia knew something was off. He just didn’t know what. He sent word for his older brother and former Papa, Terzo, to ensure your safety, and act as counsel if needed. After a few weeks, you called Copia to confess, after having had a particularly eye-opening conversation with Terzo. 

You could still remember that phone call and the pit it opened in your stomach. You felt like vomiting with each word that came out of your mouth and, had it not been for Terzo sitting beside you, you wouldn’t have gone through with it. 

It had been a very dark time in your life, a time that you didn’t like to think about very much.  So, naturally, as the new tour dates approached you found it harder and harder to stay positive. You were trying to prepare yourself mentally, telling yourself it was alright. You had done this before and while the last time was hard, having Terzo to talk to had made it easier. He was sweet, if not a little sleazy. And a surprisingly good listener. 

But this time the anxiety was coiling in your gut like a vicious snake. You had no appetite, no motivation, and no way to get out of your head other than to run. So run is what you did. Sometimes three times a day. Copia met you after each morning route, but not the others. It was almost like you were trying to condition yourself to not see him there as you approached your metaphorical finish line. 

A few days before the beginning of the tour things had ramped up. The nausea was wreaking havoc on your palate, and everything tasted disgusting. In fact, you didn’t even feel hungry, why bother trying to force yourself to eat? Instead, you gulped down a few ounces of water and laced up your running shoes. You were determined to get out of your head this morning. The last few days had been rough. The stress even led to an argument last night about something so stupid and insignificant that you can’t even remember what it was. You just know it hurt like hell to hear him raise his voice like that. 

You shook off the memory and made your way to the usual starting point.

It was cold outside, the leaves of the trees were beginning to change in colour and fall from their stems. You pulled your scarf up to your nose and, seeing your starting point in front of you, started into a light trot. It wasn’t long until you were hitting your stride, but you weren’t gaining as much momentum as usual. In fact, your legs felt weaker, and you weren’t able to catch your breath in the same way. For the first time in a while, you slowed to a quick walk, and even then you felt a stitch in your side. 

Deep down you knew it was because you were running on empty. You’d barely eaten a decent meal in the last few days and had even been forgetting to drink water. Everything was just feeling so difficult, and basic self-care had become so tedious. And then there was the anxiety eating away at your insides. 

You frowned. This wasn’t helping at all. Running was rushed, it was the feeling of your feet hitting the ground hard, and your breath catching in your chest. It was endorphins running wild and allowing the spillways to lay open, releasing emotion.

Walking, even as briskly as you were, was time to think. You could feel your stomach churning with hurt, both over your argument and what was to come. Your eyes stung, and your throat hurt as you battled to fight back your tears. 

But it didn’t work. The emotions were too hard to hold back, and you pulled your scarf to cover your nose as you allowed the tears to fall. They were warm against your cold cheeks. 

All the while you walked your routine. 

#the band ghost #ghost band #ghost bc #ghost #ghost fanfiction #ghost band fandom #copia x reader #papa emeritus iv #papa copia #fluff #comfort #my fanfics #my fanfic

[bassguitarinablackt-shirt]

heeeyyyyyy

idk i feel like we havent talked in forever D:

neglecting my other friend duties bc ive been violently clingy towards @dancinginsepia lately 😅

hey omg we havent and im sorry ive been exhausted recently 😭 i have also been violently clingy to someone (*ahem* @clearcloudlesssky *ahem*)

feel free to message me anytime just preferably tomorrow because today was actually exhausting and also ive been up for over 24 hours

but yeah how have you been dude

#asher answers

[gurokatt]

hey, me again. I only just noticed you got around to my ask and felt the need to follow up.

it feels like... you didn't really read it? sorry to be blunt, but given that you seemed to reply to things I outright said I wasn't accusing you of, it just feels that way.

examples above ^^^ with highlighted screenshots being things I said and non-highlighted being your replies. there are other things I could have pulled as well, but I didn't for brevity's sake.

in any case, on recent updates I've received, as well as your own addendum to your initial reply, I feel I either haven't accurately made my points clear or they were misconstrued in some way.

I don't think that you word-for-word copy and paste things into your final, published fics. I said as much the first time. but you have said on multiple occasions that you take ideas from others and paste them into your outline. I also said that this wasn't a problem in and of itself, because it's not. but when the ideas you're basing fics off of are as hyper-specific as they were, it can't really be written off as a "same common trope." those people deserved credit at the very least, and preferably to have been asked permission in thr first place before their ideas were put into your outlines. personally, I've written multiple fics for another fandom that were based on ideas from friends, or tropes I'd seen in other fics. you seem to think that this is what i and others are taking issue with, when it's not. the difference is that, according to at least one instance, you've neglected to obtain proper permission to be using these people's ideas.

I think that there's more nuance to the question of whether you are a "plagiarist" or not. I wouldn't say no, but I would say a hard yes, either, because this is a gray area.

what I think you need to do is look through your existing outlines and find the sources of the ideas you pasted in (whether by discord term searching or however else, I don't really know where else you talked about them), and then at the very least, credit those people in your fics. the people whose ideas were used should not be under an obligation to figure out which works were lifted from their ideas and reach out to you, because they aren't the ones responsible for their ideas being lifted.

any and all harassment you're receiving is unhelpful to either side of the argument and I hope it settles soon.

- anon

Hi thanks for your response.

Dyslexia and currently bad mental state have made it harder to remember what i have and haven't read. So i am sorry for the response i made before.

You're right. in conversations about people i talk to about my fic ideas i have copied/pasted their thoughts they gave to me about their ideas usually i have asked "hey can i put this onto a document" but there may have been one or two times where i did it without asking

[these have probably been when im asking people for ideas for my own fics, whether its changing scenes/backstories for SAW 3D or character stuff]

It has been so long since i worked on the outline but I should have written down whose idea is whose. I plan on going back through my outlines and fixing all of that.

I have gotten carried away. this is the first time in any fandom ive written more than 2 fics for. I have taken ideas without meaning to and then forgot where i had taken them from.

for that I am deeply sorry and apologetic. this is what i want to change and fix from now on.

I really do try to credit as well as i can for my ideas. but I obviously need to get better at it.

Out of the current wips that i have started writing. one fic is based on an rp. another fic is based on a comment i got on my puppy fic and another off of that with expansion and more angst. [notes on who these people are have now been credited for when i ever get around to writing them]

i have 15 main fic ideas.. and even more that are just concepts.

The timeloop fic i will give to my ex friend. because the original idea is his and I have been hesitant on working on it for a while.

You're right and I worded what i said horribly in the last post.

I have been talking for hours with a person about this. and I have realised what I have done. the harassment i got did no help except make me defensive and lash out.

It's only after i have gotten constructive criticism and told what i have done that I realised my mistake.

I am autistic, i dont like using mental disabilities as an excuse for what I have done. I am saying that it has been a REASON for this happening in the first place.

but i wont lie and say that i have done any of this maliciously. I have forgotten things and remembered them as if they were my own thoughts.

This is of course not an excuse, things have slipped through the cracks and I never noticed them until people pointed it out and were rightfully angry at me.

I don't know if any of my current published fics need another credit. I try to credit when i can. this includes editing and beta reading.

The ideas I have posted have largely been my own [fool me twice being a tumblr prompt my friend suggested months ago]

It turns out the majority of the fandom [and then some] do not like me, I doubt i'd ever be able to fix everything. But i want to try. I want to apologise to everyone ive hurt or made it feel like i've used them

#long post #at this moment i may need a few days just to think about this information #its a lot #this is the first time this has ever happened #thank you anon for talking to me professionally and explaining your points #i really hope i got everything down

[smoov-criminal]

Hey, I just found your blog and saw your post about OCD. I was wondering if you could talk some more about it 'cause I went through it when I was little, untreated and with no support, and I rarely do see anyone talk about what OCD is like internally. Those intrusive thoughts do come back every once in a while and scare the crap out of me. Thank you

hi! sorry i didnt answer sooner i literally never check my inbox lmao.

im definitely not the most educated person on OCD on tumblr, but im happy to share some things ive learned/thought about since my diagnosis.

1. i learned that my mom has OCD around the same time i did, which makes a lot of sense. i seem to have been the only one in my immediate family who knew she'd been dealing with severe anxiety for years, but whatever lmao. i think a large part of my OCD obsessions stem from my mom's. she wasn't aware that her feelings were abnormal, so i guess im not mad at her for that, but i picked up on a lot of it as a kid and have the anxiety i do as an adult. i think this is unfortunately a very common experience: growing up with mentally ill parents who eventually give u the same mental illness thru a combination of genetics and abuse/neglect/bad parenting/parents needing therapy.

2. mental compulsions need to be talked about more. i suspect the reason my OCD went undiagnosed for so long is because my compulsions are almost entirely mental, so no one, including myself, knew what to look for. mental compulsions include: saying/repeating words or phrases, counting words, letters, numbers, or objects, making lists, ruminating on past and potential future situations with "what ifs", trying to figure out the meaning of internal experiences like thoughts and feelings, trying to figure out the meaning of life, and even replacing an obsession with a different image/word. sorry for the long list, but i listed all of these bc i do a whole lot of them, but didnt realize theyre compulsive behaviors until recently. how are people supposed to heal when they dont even know what symptoms they have?

3. if u have intrusive thoughts, particularly ones related to bigotry and pedophilia, i want u to know that u arent those things. your thoughts dont make u a bad person, there is no morality associated with your thoughts. your actions are what determine how good of a person you are.

thats about all i can think of atm, but if you or anyone else has any specific questions feel free to ask!!

#answered #anonymous #disability #ocd #obsessive compulsive disorder #actually obsessive

[chrisevansonly]

EXCITING NEWS I NEED TO SHARE WITH MY TUMBLR PALS/FAMILY🤍

You guys are like my family, you’ve constantly been there for me, checking in on me, as well as just providing so much support and love towards not only my work on here but towards me as well and there will never be enough words to thank you all for everything you’ve done for me.

Most of you know I graduate soon, June 14th I’ll be handed my degree, but i’m done April 12th, and i’ll be the first person in my family to graduate university. That has always been something i’ve wanted to do since I was little but always struggled to find my passion until I found Law and fell in love with everything it has to offer.

Another part of my story you all know or recently found out is i’m a survivor of abuse from my stepfather, and neglect from my mother which left me to fend for myself growing up, and looking after my younger brother as well who graduates high school this year and is moving to Germany. I never thought 1. I’d make it to 20 and next month i’ll be 24 and still here, still fighting for myself even if it hurts like hell. Watching my brother grow up to be strong, and resilient like me only helped pushed me to continue on with my journey, because I owed it to him to live my own life after looking after him for basically 18 years now.

It’s still crazy to me that I’m even here writing this news to share with you all because some of you genuinely have been with me through this whether it’s from tiktok or just tumblr.

BUT WITHOUT FURTHER ADUE…

Ive been debating this decision for a while, if you don’t know i’m british canadian, my father lives in the UK and I live in Canada, he moved back when I was little but since then he’s kept in contact with me everyday, and been a parent to me from across the world. I’ve had my eyes set on moving to the UK eventually, specially the London area to practice law and build my career and my life in a new place, a new city and a fresh start which I keep telling myself I deserve. So to stop rambling and being annoying, as I’m currently working on getting my British Passport, since both the UK and Canada recognize dual citizenship; the possibility and opportunity of moving is almost set in stone.

So basically it looks like i’ll be moving to London next year, and I couldn’t be more excited for this new adventure and for the sudden weightless feeling I have…i’ve always fallen behind and lost who I was and it just seems like everything is coming together and I couldn’t be more excited…my neighbours think i’m crazy with all the tears and dancing i’ve been doing all morning🥹😭

#rueschats💗 #rueswrites #ruesanswers #ruesvents #ruesreblogs #ruesanons<3 #ruesasks #ruesthoughts #little duck au💛🐥 #momma x little duck 💛🐥 #chris evans x little duck💛🐥 #little duck head cannons🐥💛 #chris evans #little duck 💛🐥 #harry’s angel au🦋❤️‍🔥 #harry’s angel🦋❤️‍🔥 #harry’s angel headcannons🦋❤️‍🔥 #harry styles #i’ve never been more excited in my life #i feel like i finally found who i’m meant to be #just gotta keep telling myself i deserve this because i do #doesn’t even feel real honestly 😭 #ruesfriends💛 #ruesfriends💙

[confessions-official]

heyyyy, I am actually sorry for dumping like four of these novels onto you ppl who run official-confessions, I dont have anyone to ramble about all this too and its nice to just anonymously dump it and have a couple ppl acknowledge it lol. I also feel kinda lame for just how much I love plants now like it feels a lil cringe but also im having fun.

BUT its happy almost a month anniversary since I bought my first plant and uhhhhhhhhhhhh I am now known as the person who loves plants at school. the friend said recently "oh yeah you love your plants dont you", which feels like such an acknowledgment of my new passion lol, I've painted plants for class and the teacher asked about mine, I spoke with that other person about that neglected monstera again that they honestly should just take home fr, My dad drove me to a bigger and far better plant center that was genuinely the first time I actually enjoyed myself when leaving the house in like 6 years, my dad and his girlfriend spent the weekend digging up plants at her place to bring home just for me to pot up and care for. I am so much happier. I make an effort every now and then to get out and look for plants I can take home, my dad and I actually have something to bond over now, his thumb is kinda green and he's also bought some new plants for inside! I get genuinely excited about plants,,,, I got to watch my monstera and pothos's leaves unfurl during the week ive had them AND both have new leaves on the way, Ive been taking photos so I can look back at those leaves when they were babys, ALL of the spider plants are fucking thriving, all of my philo cuttings are rooting as are the string or pearls cuttings (tho the main plant is very dead whoops). I feel like I've learned so much and gained a lot of experience in just a month, even tho its really not been long enough at all these lil guys have just taken over my life and I couldnt be more pleased, I have so many plans for them, when the philo cuttings root enough to be potted some of them are going in the living room and my dad said he'd help care for them, i just put some spider plants in there and it looks so nice... dads also going to install another shelf in my room just for plants and !!!! I have ideas for what ones Im going to get next month, if i can find them. It genuinely has been so rewarding watching these plants grow, like that monstera has an entire new leaf!!! that wasnt there a week ago!!! how cool is that!!! and those roots on the philo cuttings!!! who am i.

 

#confession

[skinimini80]

Today will be attempt number two of „self care“

I took a shower, I did my dishes. I have some trash I should take out but I’m not doing that yet lol. I’m gonna do some singing today because I enjoy it and always neglect it.

When it comes to eating I’m not gonna make myself liquid fast today but I’m also not gonna think about what to eat so much. If I eat something I’ll be diligent about the cals and all that but I’m not gonna torture myself over my binge yesterday. It happened, I counted, and therefore I know how I can continue my progress without weighing myself.

I just want to make myself feel more put together and relaxed today. I FINALLY got a somewhat decent amount of sleep and do feel so much better having showered. I’m gonna take today slowly and try to just figure out a food situation that makes me feel happy day by day.

I had a monster (16 cals) and i am enjoying my nicotine. Maybe later I’ll get dressed up and go for a walk. The weather has been a lot nicer recently so I think that could be fun.

I wanna try to meet up with some friends but idk I’ve lost my social momentum recently. I have a hard time hanging out without being drunk tbh.

Also ive been shitting consistently this week which physically feels good lmao. Like I don’t just sit and feel the food in my gut so much.

#tw ana diary #ed not sherran #tw disordered eating #bul1m14 #ana trigger #anorexcya #bulimima #anorexigenic #ed not ed sheeran #tw ed diet