#ive lived in different countries from my family for years and dont see them often but we still text and talk on the phone so its cool

[acreaturecalledgreed]

i think, other than the prevalence of often unchecked white supremacy in these communities, i finally realized what it is about so many american norse heathens that gets so under my skin

its that majority of them dont give a shit about the current cultures that are in scandinavia

sure you read the edda like 15 times but do you know literally anything about norway? sweden? denmark? who lives there? what its like there? 

you “corrected” me for “incorrectly” calling christmas Jul, but do you not realize that in scandinavia many old pagan norse traditions have long since fused with christianity? that in norway, christmas is a one to two week long affair that is collectively called Jul? do you not realize that? 

you want to reclaim your culture but have you put in the effort to learn anything about it other than an american filtered pile of exclusively ancient traditions? did you double and triple check that those things have not been twisted and co-opted by nazis? are you loud and vocal in making that space unwelcome to them? 

im sorry that over generations this country stole all this from you to force your family into cohesive, identityless Whiteness

and you shouldnt be barred from trying to reconnect to your culture. its a good thing. i want you to. and honestly i dont think anyone should need to be of norse descent to get to be a part of it. 

but it is always going to leave a bad taste in my mouth when you approach it with some kind of mindset that you, american obsessing exclusively over ancient norse history, act like you are in some way More Accurately And Truly Norse than the actual literal people living in scandinavia today 

and there is a personal aspect to it as well, one i know a lot of ppl can understand

this country is extremely xenophobic and no, xenophobia is not the same as racism, though they often do overlap i am very much a white person, i have never and will never had to deal with any racism

i am a very privileged person; im a white person who grew up upper middle class with a loving and generous family, and this is in no way denying that 

but i am a norwegian person who grew up in america who faced the brunt end of a lot of xenophobia

peers who mocked me when i tried to share traditions and cultures, who told me i was weird or gross

id come home crying the first years after we moved here, embarrassed that i was norwegian, because that made me Different and Bad and Weird

people who spoke to my mother like an idiot because she has an accent, who wanted to “borrow” her bunad, the cultural dress she got fucking married in, to wear to a fucking costume party, who talked so often to her about how Glad they were that she got the Privilege to move to America and away from such a Poor country like norway when she didnt even want to leave her home at the age 45 and only left because my father had to go back to the states

people who were outright harsh and cruel to us for literally no reason other than we Weren’t American Enough (and for that matter, ive had to deal with it on the other end to- Norwegians telling me im stupid and ignorant because Im American and im Not Norwegian Enough, it makes me want to tear all my hair out and scream) it makes me

so bitter

to see those same people who i know were xenophobic to my family b/c we did not fit exactly into American Whiteness now hyper consume and wear norse paganism with pride and in the same breath tell me that i am being norse Wrong

i want to make clear that i am not crying appropriation. i genuinely feel i dont have the right to.

but i am asking for some kind of self awareness and respect 

PS. if anyone comes in here trying to act like you must be white to be norse i will break every limb you have and drop you in a ditch to burn that is nazi shit we dont do that here. we love and support norse pagans of color and if you are not putting in an effort to make them feel safe among white peers, you need to fix that.

#i just have a hard time putting words to why so many american norse heathens raise my hackles #sits #i have a lot of feelings and i just dont know how to make them clear

[nothorses]

i understand the idea of telling people to think about their cultural christianity in terms of making sure youre not dismissing other religions holidays and such as that, but, specifically when it comes to holidays, if the argument is that an atheist partaking in christmas is culturally christian [which is Bad and also something they cant really escape from without converting to a different religion, or something?] are we supposed to just not have any holidays besides whatever country holidays [eg. fourth of july] we get born into? or is there some atheist non religious holiday i dont know about.

this isnt meant to sound aggressive or anything youre just the only person ive seen push back against the way people have been talking about this and i feel like i missed half of the argument people are trying to make. even though i have read so many posts.

I feel like the first part of this ask actually demonstrates a huge part of the problem I have with the way "culturally Christian" is used on tumblr: i.e., as a replacement for "Christian privilege", "Christian normativity", or just "Christian bigotry.

Those terms describe a system of power, which centers Christianity and excludes and attacks all others.

What's important here is that they are describing systems, rather than placing blame on specific individuals.

"Cultural Christianity" is meant to describe the values that Christianity promotes, the culture that arises from it, the impact Christianity has on our culture as a whole, and the insidious and often unacknowledged nature of it all. Again, the problem here is the system at large; not specific individuals.

By calling specific individuals "culturally Christian", determined by their current/past beliefs, their location, and nothing else, you send the message that it isn't about the system- the problem is the individual, it originates from something they can't control in the first place, and as such, they can never hope to meaningfully change or grow.

The second part of the ask illustrates another big part of my beef with this conversation: the insinuation that atheists do not and cannot have agency (until we're doing something they don't like, of course).

Atheists can partake in any religious holiday without it making us religious. Anyone can partake in any religious holiday without it making them that religion. We can celebrate christmas, and while it's good to think critically about why that holiday might have value to us, there is also not much of a point in refusing to visit the family for the big dinner and what is perhaps the only time you will see most of them that year, just because someone on tumblr says it makes you Basically Christian.

Atheism is a valid belief. It's not a blank slate, it isn't just code for Whatever Religion Is ACTUALLY Dominant In Your Life. It's a complete, independant, coherent way of seeing the world that does not need to be supplemented by religion. There is no empty space that Christianity creeps into when we don't fill it with other religion; we have our own ideas, values, and priorities, and we are capable of making connections and decisions about what we do or do not want to include in those values.

Atheists are not uniquely or exclusively susceptible to absorbing Christian ideas from surrounding culture; people of other religions also frequently pick those things up without realizing it, and an ex-christian converts to other religions will probably have a lot more to unpack than, say, an atheist who grew up atheist.

So I guess to answer your question: no, we don't have any atheist holidays. We also don't need them. Going to Christmas dinner to be with your family doesn't make you Christian, and we don't really need to come up with something else to "cancel out" the Christian influences in our lives. If anything, all that does is further center Christianity as The Default Religion.

Celebrate whatever the hell you want (as long as it's respectful and invited). You're just as atheist either way.

#atheist discourse

[sheepwasfound]

Imagine the attachment issues they'll have once george visits (assuming he wont live their when he first travels to florida) and stays for a few weeks and leaves 🤧

when that boy finally manages to swim all the way across the atlantic ocean w/ his lil suitcase, you betcha he ain’t ever leavin

#george going back to the uk to visit family sometime makes sense tho #but uh i can pretty easily see dream going with him then haha #a pretty good excuse to travel and see london and also not have to be apart from george pfft #maybe they might spend christmases w their respective families? #even that i could see george staying in florida to spend w dreams family though... #considering how flippantly he spoke about leaving before #he doesnt seem like the type to be vv attached to his family #like in the way that he would really need to see them every month or something #and thats not that weird and doesnt mean theres anything wrong with his family btw people are just different like that #ive lived in different countries from my family for years and dont see them often but we still text and talk on the phone so its cool #but i also know friends who have a hard time and get really sad if they dont see their family for like a week #dnf #sheepy ask #Anonymous

[aestheticallyunaesthetic17]

100 questions and answers

Who is your hero? Probably future me, i want to be able to grow up and be the better person that i hope they are, and the only way of knowing that is by making it happen.

If you could live anywhere, where would it be? New Zealand, Canada or USA. I lived in TX for 3 months and loved it there and I have family in NZ and Canada.

What is your biggest fear? Wasps, 100%. Not being stung but the way they look scares me.

What is your favorite family vacation? When we went to Krakow in Poland.

What would you change about yourself if you could? My skin color. I hate it so much.

What really makes you angry? People hating others or stopping others from being themselves.

What motivates you to work hard? To make future me happier than I am now.

What is your favorite thing about your career? I want to be in cabin crew, so probably the traveling.

What is your biggest complaint about your job? Being away from family.

What is your proudest accomplishment? Getting through the shit 2020 brought me without killing myself.

What is your child's proudest accomplishment? No kids rn.

What is your favorite book to read? Noughts and Crosses by Malorie Blackman

What makes you laugh the most? My boyfriend.

What was the last movie you went to? What did you think? Freaks. I was a bad movie, a little like the scary movies franchise. My friend was scared at parts which was super funny to watch

What did you want to be when you were small? An actor. Typical Leo ;)

What does your child want to be when he/she grows up? They can be anything they want to be.

If you could choose to do anything for a day, what would it be? Visit Edinburgh alone.

What is your favorite game or sport to watch and play? To watch, American Football. To play, archery.

Would you rather ride a bike, ride a horse, or drive a car? Drive a car, it's peaceful and warm. I would blast music.

What would you sing at Karaoke night? no idea.

What two radio stations do you listen to in the car the most? Heart and Capital

Which would you rather do: wash dishes, mow the lawn, clean the bathroom, or vacuum the house? Dishes or vacuum.

If you could hire someone to help you, would it be with cleaning, cooking, or yard work? Yard work!!!

If you could only eat one meal for the rest of your life, what would it be? Tandoori Prawn curry.

Who is your favorite author? Jacqueline Wilson or JK Rowling (only her books, not her)

Have you ever had a nickname? What is it? Just Em. But id like to be called Millie.

Do you like or dislike surprises? Why or why not? Depends on the surprise tbh, I like to plan a lot.

In the evening, would you rather play a game, visit a relative, watch a movie, or read? Watch a movie.

Would you rather vacation in Hawaii or Alaska, and why? Hawaii. I was meant to go this year but covid and leaving the US fucked it up.

Would you rather win the lottery or work at the perfect job? And why? Work the perfect job, id get bored sitting around all day.

Who would you want to be stranded with on a deserted island? my boyfriend.

If money was no object, what would you do all day? Travel and see the world.

If you could go back in time, what year would you travel to? 2012. To see my Nana again.

How would your friends describe you? Stupid.

What are your hobbies? Traveling, photography, music and shopping.

What is the best gift you have been given? Forgiveness from myself.

What is the worst gift you have received? Sixe XXL jacket when im an XS

Aside from necessities, what one thing could you not go a day without? My macbook.

List two pet peeves. - Breaking trust - Bad table manners

Where do you see yourself in five years? Hopefully working my dream job, maybe moved to a different country and traveling the world.

How many pairs of shoes do you own? too many, roughly 16

If you were a super-hero, what powers would you have? Invisibility or teleportation.

What would you do if you won the lottery? build my own house

What form of public transportation do you prefer? (air, boat, train, bus, car, etc.) Train, its so relaxing. Then planes.

What's your favorite zoo animal? Lions or tigers.

If you could go back in time to change one thing, what would it be? My time in America.

If you could share a meal with any 4 individuals, living or dead, who would they be? - My nana - my bf - Princess Diana - Obama

How many pillows do you sleep with? 4, two on each side.

What's the longest you've gone without sleep (and why)? 26 hours, traveling to Texarkana from Edinburgh.

What's the tallest building you've been to the top in? Idk tbh

Would you rather trade intelligence for looks or looks for intelligence? looks for intelligence because then you can earn enough for plastic surgery.

How often do you buy clothes? 1/2 a month

Have you ever had a secret admirer? Idk I guess so.

What's your favorite holiday? Summer vacation Christmas for an actual holiday

What's the most daring thing you've ever done? Moved half way across the world and lived with strangers.

What was the last thing you recorded on TV? Nothing

What was the last book you read? 1984

What's your favorite type of foreign food? Indian

Are you a clean or messy person? Both, but relatively clean

Who would you want to play you in a movie of your life? Millie Bobbie Brown probably

How long does it take you to get ready in the morning? 1 hour

What kitchen appliance do you use every day? Kettle

What's your favorite fast food chain? Chick fil A (i know, i cant buy it now tho)

What's your favorite family recipe? Nana's bacon and egg pie

Do you love or hate rollercoasters? LOVE

What's your favorite family tradition? Opening gifts on Christmas Eve

What is your favorite childhood memory? I dunno really, Ive forgotten a lot of my childhood.

What's your favorite movie? Ferris Bueller's Day Off or Beautiful Boy

How old were you when you learned Santa wasn't real? How did you find out? Probably 7/8 but I dont remember.

Is your glass half full or half empty? Half empty.

What's the craziest thing you’ve done in the name of love? Said i'd come back one day.

What three items would you take with you on a deserted island? A boat and food. Yes i am that person.

What was your favorite subject in school? Scottish school, geography. US school, government.

What's the most unusual thing you've ever eaten? Haggis

Do you collect anything? Foreign coins

Is there anything you wished would come back into fashion? Skinny jeans, my ass looks gooood in them

Are you an introvert or an extrovert? introvert that likes being sociable

Which of the five senses would you say is your strongest? hearing

Have you ever had a surprise party? (that was an actual surprise) nope

Are you related or distantly related to anyone famous? my dad is well know in the whisky business. Has his own prime tv show

What do you do to keep fit? Walk a lot and swim.

Does your family have a “motto” – spoken or unspoken? nope

If you were ruler of your own country what would be the first law you would introduce? everyone is equal.

Who was your favorite teacher in school and why? Scottish School, my geo teacher. US school, my english teacher.

What three things do you think of the most each day? My bf, my mum and America

If you had a warning label, what would yours say? Sad, angry and anxious

What song would you say best sums you up? 17 again

What celebrity would you like to meet at Starbucks for a cup of coffee? Timothee Chalamet or Tom Holland

Who was your first crush? a boy called Finlay who i rode the bus with

What's the most interesting thing you can see out of your office or kitchen window? sheep or cows very often

On a scale of 1-10 how funny would you say you are? 5

Where do you see yourself in 10 years? kids, married, settled down and happy. moved countries 100%

What was your first job? never had one

If you could join any past or current music group which would you want to join? 5sos

How many languages do you speak? 1 - english

What is your favorite family holiday tradition? opening gifts on Christmas Eve

Who is the most intelligent person you know? my mum

If you had to describe yourself as an animal, which one would it be? a cat probably or a tiger

What is one thing you will never do again? trust people fully

Who knows you the best? my bf.

#100 things about me #questions #100 questions

[divinevomit]

im tired

sept. 26′21 : 8am

-

thought id try a diary of sorts. cant garrentee how consistant thisll be or how literate itll be either. i cant sleep anymore without some type of medication. with or witohut caffine. im aalways tired an d it shows. when i fo sleep it sall day. never at night. the portals are opening up. tis almost october and it shows. this buildign is full of lost ghosts. i feel for them, honestly. i cant imagine being stuck ina place liek this forever. i feel liek maybe i will, one day again. be stuck somewhere for wahat seems liek too many years, watching the days pass, not knowing when or were i am anymore. seeing the passin gpoeple go by. i was once, it wasnt fun. i dont really remember it, but i know i long forit back from time to time. 

i guess i should introduce myself properly, for futiure referencee or for anyone who happens to stumble on this blog. i dont rwally know how. i guess i m kinda liek a ghost. i dont get to leave my apartment often, eithr becuase i have a bad feeling, or because i have no reason or the funds to. i have insomnia, also borderline personality, and probably a good amount of other problems. ihave a good amount of friends i guess, i live with one, (who ill call vamp for future referece),i have two friend groups, both of thm are majority odler than me, but not in a weird way, more liek by chance. anywyas, i also have an online friend, and a long distance lover. i talk to my onlin efriend more than any. ive knownhim for almost twoyears,but i dont know much about ihim. i dont know his actual name, what he looks liek, so basically nothing besides his age, his voice, and his zodiac sighn. all my friends think hes secretly 40, but hes a year younger thanme and proved it. ill probably end up talking atb him mostl.y. i mtoo tired to thikn of a different name than what i already callhim, ill think of one later. my lovr lives in the same state as my onlien friend, and not too far. theyboth live in a different state thanme and vamp. weve beentogether for two years, about 8 months off and on long distance. this is the longest weve been away from ech other at 4 months. i dont get to talk to them too often. thy dont have wifi, and theyve never had a phone with data. their family is odd and doesnt liek me either. what els do i add? ill be a legaladult in 6 months, but me and vamp basically liv aloen. my mom pays for rent and utilties, but is never around and lives with her boyfriend 12/14 days. whenshe does come by, its not good. vamp and i both dont have jobs, vamps family is across the country, and most of mine is comepletely out of the pitcture. neither of us had good childhoods but they r pretty similar. vamps was a lot more extreme thanmin e, and mine was,, easier,, to say te least. i dont know what else i should add. im very pale due to lack of goingoutsid eduring daylight hours and probably lack of nutrients but naturallu im very tane. im reely clairvoyant, liek scary clairvoyant. ican read someones mind to a t with ease, can feel others physicalpain even when im inadifferent room, adn emotions clearly. especially when i know thm, dcently just by looking at them too long. its reallu exhausting. (beleive me or not idont care, its not liek anyone will see this anywyas.) my mom is pagan (for 22yrs), and my dad is a satanist (for 42 yrs) and i am second born to them. i turned out a pagan who lieks red magic and my deity is venus aphrodite. (did yu knoew aphrodite was nonbianary?)  i refuse to do black magic or anything to mess with anyons freewll. i refuse to end up liek muy dad. my favorite color is baby pink andblack. 

me and vamp share a room. im not allowed to be alnoen because everyone thinks ill spirsl. vamp has lived with me for 4 months and, dnt get me wrong, i lvoe having him here, hes liek my brother and i cherish him forever, but i missbeing alone. jes asleep right now so im downstairs typig this. 

i have a bad habit of rambling. i talk too much. i wont read this over becaause i know itll be all ovr the place and ill just delete it. i dont really know what to use this blog for, i never really have. i go backand forth on wat to do with it, first it was aesthetics, then a dream journal and now this, but im bad at keeping p with anything and loose motivation quickly.  i might try more for tihs. but i cant promise anything, i did this on a whim. 

#1 #divinevomit #divinejournal

[thoriffix]

do any of your ocs have any siblings?

YES YES YES

very enthusiastic response but oh my god their families are literally all ive been thinking about for the past like.. week thank u so much for asking

baz, arlo, rubble and rox are all only children!

marianna has a younger sister!! her name is jade and they live together, shes younger by maybe 2 years? i plan on drawing her soon!! shes quite chilled and a bit shy, her and maris personalities are quite different so they clash a lot but they get along overall

in contrast brody has one older sister who can't stand him hsjdhdj they dont interact very much cuz she finds him intensely annoying and he thinks shes stuck up and pretentious, she doesnt have a name yet and i probs wont draw her for a while but she exists!

ko has three siblings, all older than her (two brothers and a sister), they also don't have names yet but shes generally very close w all of them, she loves her family v much but they live in a different part of the country so she doesnt see them often but she video calls them a lot!!

nathan has two siblings but theyre much much older than him, his parents had his siblings young and then they were a bit of an oops baby later in life, so theyve always felt a bit disconnected from their siblings and family but he still loves them, he just missed out on the close sibling bond :"]

i still need to decide on riff and rats families but i believe theyre both gonna have siblings, i jus havent managed to get it ironed out yet :]

#thank u so so much for asking bdjhsjf #grays oc stuff #asks #sash

[wondermentishere]

I told myself to make time for this. Ive been living in Dallas for 4, beginning 5 days now. Stimmy just hit and I immediately put money aside for my rent, bills, and debt owed to my mom and grandma. I left $300 for me and it feels good to atleast have that in the bank I got to be honest. Being broke really does reduce the quality of life. Not because it reduces the quality of life, but because here in this country... in this world if you dont have money you have paranoia. You lack ease. It adds a very long list to fears that already exist surrounding security and necessities. It more than sucks. Ive been dealing with this consistently for 4 years straight lol. Well before Id say it was a problem for my family, but my mom always handled that and I can honestly say I never worried. Things may have been inconvenient, but I was never without. Shout out to Kimberly for that!!!!!!!! Shit its hard just taking care of me I cant imagine being responsible for 3 other humans and a needy ass dog lol. Shes the goat. So is my grandma. So is Aunt Noonie. Anyone really who has helped my mom. Honestly, anybody who has been and still is in her position. I respect moms and single fathers alot. Everyday is Mothers/Single Parent Day. Alot gets blurred out when abuse and frustration is often present in homes though. But thats a different topic. A good one too.

Anyway, yes Ive been having a good time. When I first touched down I couldnt believe it. Being reminded of the infrastructure here, how flat the land lays, and how simple the culture is puts me at ease. Im up for thrill and wonderment, but the simplicity of my home offers plenty of benefits. Especially the place Im at now; I need this retreat. My friends love me but are annoying lol. My family is refreshing but distant. Im constantly relearning and remembering. People I work with are definitely way nicer, likable, and inviting than the ones in Atlanta. I made real life friends, two virgos, that invited me into conversation. They waited for me so we can walk everywhere together (did not expect that at allll). Took my number and was down to start a group chat haha. They even waited with me until my uber pulled up!!!!!!! I haven’t experienced a closeness with strangers like this.... ever. It was very nice. Their names are Jocelyn, Breelynn, and mine is Ashlin. We figured that out at the end of our shift and were all very amused by it. The work was very easy. Didnt wear me out at all. I was definitely overdressed expecting to be in freezing climates which made me experience discomfort at some points. The building was a tad bit dirtier and older than what Im use to but it was okay. The kitchen we were in was built just like the UNT bakery which I thought was interesting. There were alot of older Asian women that were kinda entitled and looking at me crazy when I went to the bathroom. Im use to being uncomfortable out in public, but the angle the discomfort was coming from is new. I dont like it and have NOT missed it, but Ive been managing it my whole life. Whatever. They aint gon do shit. Started feeling empty the day before and decided to ride mom’s bike. I didnt feel “whole” again, but it definitely helped my mood. I feel like im prepared to have conversations now. I anticipate someone talking to me because I actually want it to happen now. Ive been isolated and lonely for so long and I dont want the reality of it any longer. Ive been on Tinder and HER starting to hit people up. Before, I couldn’t fathom why people have the urge to (in my mind constantly) reach out. Now I can say I definitely understand a bit better now. I just want to talk cause I see now the specific benefits of having different people to chill with. Its something Ive wanted for years, but I think Ebony has definitely opened my eyes to how to get it. And who to get it from as well. I dont think shes a unicorn for this, I think everyone has been living like this lol. Just not me. And she was a front row seat on how to live differently and satisfy needs that present themselves. (most of the time she was impulsively & irresponsibly dodging her problems but thats also another discussion) Ive definitely dropped and have forgotten how many connections I have made. Ive always felt so alone though because none of them were the closeness that I craved. Im paying attention to my reality now and can see how I could end up in a space of loneliness. This is why Im on dating apps 😂 my friends and family are great, but I need a certain intimacy they cant provide. I do not want a committed relationship though. At all. Anytime soon.

#diary

[missjackil]

My 14x13 Opinion

Lebanon The 300th Episode

I am so proud of this episode and so blown away by how awesome these last 4 episodes have been! Might be an unpopular opinion guys but I really like this season! Sure its had some duds like Optimism and The Scar (Though The Scar had a great broment) but I thought we’d be getting Leader!Sam this season but we have emotionally wrecked!Sam instead, and Im here for that! Needless to say I LOVED this episode, I was so pleased with pretty much everything and I have no big complaints, so lets have at it! I enjoyed the lightness of the beginning, and getting a look at the town. Im so pleased they FINALLY noted that Lebanon KS is the geographical center of the country! So the boys can get anywhere in the country within a day and a half. Its kinda weird though that Lebanon seems to have 3 different post offices. The one from Something About Mary, the one from The Spear, and now this one. LOL thats no big deal so lets move along. 

It was funny that the dude in the pawn shop committed suicide by Winchester, which of course is trying to, or successfully killing one gets you killed by the other, and Dean acknowledges that they all talk too much LOL.

The kids talking about the rumors about the boys was fun but I really wasnt impressed by “cool chick” Max. I liked the boy in the hat though, he was great. Stealing Baby is also suicide by Winchester but Sam and Dean dont go around killing teenagers so, they got lucky. 

I was amuzed by the ghost of John Wayne Gacey clown, and Dean being all “You love serial killers but hate clowns!” and Sam being like “I get it Dean” but Im really glad they didnt make Sam act like he was scared like the other times before. It just wouldnt have fit well into this episode I dont think. Saving Dean is more urgent than a clown fear right? 

Moving on to the meat, and this was as meaty as an episode can get! Dad comes because Dean makes a wish. It seems Dean’s desire to have his family together is more of a desire than getting ole Mike out of his head, and thats really pretty sweet. Dad recognizes the boys right away, which is cool especially since Sam looks NOTHING like he did back in 05, let alone 03 but John says “What happened to you?” I reckon they aged 15+ yrs Pops!

The boys give Dad the nutshell version of their lives over shots of whiskey, because, how else could you do it? But man, John’s face when he hears Mary’s voice was amazing! And I dont even like Mary but, good lord if she didnt nail these scenes!  My hear crumbled, their reunion kiss was completely believable even though we never saw them kiss on the show before. I saw some of you whine that John didnt ask permission first... really? I could see if they were gonna have sex, but when does anyone on TV ever ask to kiss someone?? Not very often. It was by far the most romantic thing Ive ever seen on this show, 

Like typical Winchesters, Dean is sucked into whats right before him and Sam is worried about the big picture. But Sam doesnt lean too hard on Dean about it, lets all have the nice family dinner we’ve never had. 

While compiling a shopping list with Mom, Dean leaves Sam alone with Dad. This scene was .... WOW... so well written and brilliantly acted. I had been wondering how Sam and John would hash things out and this was so much better than I invisioned. Its so in character for the Sam we have watched grow over the last 14 years to get over the bad and focus on the good, because those you love can be taken away in a heartbeat and being left with hard feelings is the worst. All he can think of is seeing Dad dead on the floor and he never got to say goodbye. and he never got to smooth things over. Sams emotions were raw and real! Jared really let Sam feel it, all the regret and anger and loneliness, melts away and turns into “but you loved us.... and thats enough” It was so refreshing to get so much emotional POV from Sam. Something we;ve gotten more of this season than we ever have. It hurts like a mother... but its worth it. 

After the heart shattering talk, Sam composes himself and tells Dean hes right. This was a good thing even if its jut temporary. He asks Dean if he wants company for shopping, and this is like Sam wanting to hold on to his rock (Dean). This is precious.

The boys leave Mom and Dad alone, and go shopping. Now we discover that the timeline has shifted and they have alternate selves. Dean is a wanted criminal and Sam, omg lol Sam is flaming TED talking douchebag that wears turtlenecks, loves Kale, doesnt drink coffee, and doesnt see the need for hobbies or family. But, I gotta say hes lovely in glasses 😎

This inevitably means that not only will Mom disappear, but the boys wont have the relationship they do, and we know, thats a fate worse than the universe exploding. Meanwhile we get a guest appearance by Zachariah and Cas, and Cas is back to S4-ish Cas and possibly even more of a dick. Sam and Dean find them as theyre about to kill the teenagers from earlier and save them. Cas of course doesnt know them from Adam but Zach does. A fight ensues and I just have to state very clearly that Dean went after cas with the angel blade with no second thoughts. Zach attacks Sam and tries to kill him, but Sam kills him instead. Now thats poetic to have been killed by both Winchesters at different times! 

Now Cas is trying to kil Sam, which as we know, never goes over well with Dean, but Cas really nails Sam HARD in the face and Sam spews blood all over! That was pretty graphic and dramatic! Well full strength douchebag angel or not, Dean doesnt let you beat on Sam. so heattacks Cas, and Cas is about to kill Dean. There is no “Cas its me!! Fight this!! I love you!!” like all the hellers wanted and predicted LMAO instead Sam writes a sigil with his blood and zaps Cas away.

Back at home, yet another highly emotional scene as Sam tells Mom why they have to let Dad go... she would just fade away and they would become their “other” selves. Mary cries real tears. and Sam overflows again. God my heart!! Dean talks to Dad and Dad is more than willing to lay his life down for Mom. They all sit solomly at the dinner table. Oddly enough Sam is the only one eating, and Im sure theres meta in there somewhere.... all I can think of at the moment is that hes distracting himself from the painful slence, and hes the only one who never really had Winchester Surprise. John decides to lighten the mood and be grateful for this time, and they all follow suit. And it was glorious!! My boys laughing and eating and enjoying themselves with mom and dad, I just dont know what words to give this scene! 

Afterwards, Sam and Dean are washing dishes together #husbros and they briefly discuss keeping it the way it is. I mean really.... Mom may disappear and they wont be insanely co-dependent, but Michael wont be in Dean’s head anymore, because nothing leading up to it would have ever happened. Dean says hes good with who he is, and hes good with who Sam is, and hes just too old to want to change it. 

The farewell scene was nothing less than earth shattering painful. Dean was surprisingly calm and stoic, though he had many tears. It was as if on purpose, he let Sam and Mom have all the emotions. John hugs his sons one last time. and tells them he’s so proud of them, Poor Sam is gutted. He cant even pretend he isnt crying. Dad tells them he loves them. Dean says he loves him too. Sam cant get words out so he wipes his face and nods. In a beautiful paralell from the old days when John told Dean “Take care of Sammy” and Dean answers “I always do” John says “Take care of each other” and Sam answers “We always do”😭😭😭😭😭😭John takes Mary’s hand and Sam in obvious pain crushes the pearl and Dad fades away. He wakes up in Baby back in 2003 believing he had a good dream. 

Now we have to wait a freakin month for the next episode. But Ill be ok. I think I need a break from all the emotions of the last several episodes because the next couple will probably be less dramatic. This is ok, if every episode was this emotional, even that would get old fast. We only have 7 episodes left and I dont want to rush to the end of the season for a freakin 6 month hiatus!! AGGGHHHHH!! 

Overall I am in love with this episode. It may have moved itself into first place but it has at least tied. This episode definitely met and exceeded my expectations, and last week I thought it wouldnt be able to beat that one. Im so proud of SPN, the writers, and the cast of this episode Ill give them all a standing ovation 👏👏👏👏👍💖 I think its abundantly clear now that Dabb DOES care about the brother bond and doesnt give a rats ass about dean/cas in fact it looks as if the next few episodes might be Dean lite... but we never really know till we watch the episodes.

In conclusion. on a scale from Bloodlines to Who We Are, Lebanon is a 10. Well done show.... well done! Now onward to the 400th episode!!

#14x13 spoilers #spn 300 spoilers #best episode ever

[moanbyul-yi]

k so @byulyi dared me to do all the flowers from this and my dumbass thought it was a great idea to accept the dare but my dumbass also fucked up and basically deleted the ask so here it is in a post lmao buckle up bitch!! (u really dont have to read it if u dont want its sm longer than i thought it would be) 

amaryllis - name an attribute of yourself that you are proud of. proud of my ability to find the shittiest and worst tv shows/movies and watch them religiously lmao

anemone - describe a time when you felt abandoned or betrayed by someone you loved. back in yr 8??9?? i had a super close friend (that i was also in love with but i didnt realise bc of compulsive heterosexuality) that randomly cut off ties with me and yike it sucked 

azalea - would you describe yourself as a patient person? in terms of simple things like waiting on a package no lmao but if its waiting for a person or smthn like ykno that deep shit then yeah 

begonia - describe anything you see as a “red flag” (something that makes you cautious about a new friend or love interest) straight up if theyre an asshole,, if they say something homophobic/racist/sexist etc just if theyre not accepting and nice to all people 

bird of paradise - do you like hosting parties, or do you prefer to just attend? i love hosting!!!!!!! i love making sure everyones havin a lit time and organising all the stuff 

bluebell - what keeps you humble? tbh idk how to answer this question just bc ig im not really in a position where i have stuff to flex so like i dont have a lot to be humble about ?? in terms of like achievements n shit 

chysanthemum - describe your idea of a perfect day.  this is kinda gay but honestly just a day i get to spend chilling with my girl whether we go out or just stay home and binge movies all day whatever it is,, just to have a chill day with her with no ‘you have to be doing this!!!!!!’ feeling 

spring crocus - describe your favourite childhood memory. the first one that comes to mind is me and my cousin when we were like 5yo running around the house with a cape on pretending we were superheroes

daffodil - how do you confess your feelings to someone you’re interested in? ive only done it twice, the first time was a complete Mess and the second time they initiated it so idk lol i wing it ig 

daisy - describe something that gives you hope when things seem bleak. honestly idk bc im the kinda person that just wallows in their sadboi but i guess something that helps is just talking to people esp my gf about whatever it is thats sucky

foxglove - when was the last time you told a lie? i told my parents i was going to the city for lunch with a friend today but i went to a dance class for love shot by exo lmao 

gardenia - have you ever had to keep a romance a secret? if so, why and for how long?  yeah bc we were both not out - had to keep it a secret from p much everyone other than a few friends the entire time we were tgt 

purple hyacinth - describe a time when you had to apologize to someone last year,, i had a fight(??) with my friend and yeah 

hydrangea - how much time do you spend on your appearance each day? not a lot i always look like a Mess 

white jasmine - what is something that never fails to make you laugh? !!!!!!!mamamoo !!!!!! 

lavender -  describe your oldest friendship, and why you think it has lasted so long. i have a primary sch friend and we’ve been friends sort of since kindy but properly for like 8 years???? its the kinda friendship where we dont have to talk often but we can hit each other up whenever and it isnt weird its just chill and gucci ( @akicchisano luv u binch no homo)

lilac - describe your first relationship or first love. yeet ok my first pROper rs?? lasted like a year and a half and it was a friend in high school,, uhh it was good while it lasted but im glad its over and i wouldnt go back lmao but it was definitely a learning experience 

calla lily - what traits do you find beautiful in others? in yourself? i guess imma be really typical and say kindness like the kindness in which u dont expect anything in return?? like the way people aim to make people happy and laugh and shit ykno (i just woke up soz this is terrible)

tiger lily - if you had to choose between doing what you love and making very little money, or doing a job you hate and making a lot of money, what would you choose and why? im assuming the very little money is still enough to get by?? but i would choose that just bc if i hated my job idk how long i would last in it but i dont think it would be very long at all. if i had people to provide for or something tho then definitely the second bc gotta get that dough for them 

lotus flower - would you say that you are a spiritual person? if so, what elements of spirituality are important to you? nah im not really  

magnolia - describe your favourite thing to do outdoors. probably just walking around ykno with nothing to do or maybe hiking?? sightseeing?? shit like that 

morning glory - are you an affectionate person? if so, how do you show affection? very lmao if i like you romantically or platonically ill be v touchy and cuddly if u reciprocate it,, i also will give random gifts like stuff ive made or stuff that reminds me of that person just random small things 

pansy - what is the most thoughtful thing that anyone has done for you? idk if this is the mOSt thoughtful bc i have bad memory but that one time the mvp @akicchisano bought me a smol christmas tree bc i kept talking about how i wanted one but couldnt find one that shit got me busting the phattest uwus

peony - describe the top three things necessary for a happy life.  a sugar daddy,, good food,, girls

petunia - what never fails to make you angry? when people borrow shit and dont put it back how they found it >:(

red poppy - what tips or tricks do you use to cheer yourself up when you’re down? i go for a drive (i cant drive so i make my brother lmao) or i watch smthn funny just get my mind off it somehow

red rose - describe your ideal date or romantic evening.  shit idk about ideal but itd be really nice to maybe get dinner and go star gazing like somewhere far where theres less light pollution and hella stars and then after that just coming home to binge movies and cuddle

yellow rose - do you get jealous easily? sO easily its terrible but most of the time i dont do anything about it

snowdrop - have you ever had a falling out with a friend or family member? not in such a way thats resulted in us not ever talking again 

sunflower - do you consider yourself a loyal person?  ye,, ya girl aint no hoe

sweet pea - describe a difficult goodbye you had to make to a friend or other loved one. probably saying bye to all my family bc they came to visit and having to send them off opened up some real emo hours :((((

violet - how important is loyalty in friendships and/or relationships? v important bc u gotta have someone to rely on but it should be loyalty and not blindly following 

wisteria - do you like poetry? if so, describe your favorite poem(s). yeah i kinda just like random poetry theres a lot from an insta acc called poeticpoison that i really like

zinnia - do you have any loved ones in your life that you miss and wish you could see?  yeahh my gorlfriend and all my family since they all live in different countries

#mama aint raise no lil bitch #gOd i cant believe i actually did all that #jfc #it did not look that long #and my answers are so shit #i have so many regrets #only took me like an hour to answer it all lmao #never again #asks #byulyi

[lovemesomesurveys]

On MySpace, what was in the last bulletin you posted? Most likely it was a survey. Man, I wish I could still access those. 15/16 year old me survey answers... yikes.

When and where was the last time you took a picture of yourself? In room a few weeks ago.

Have you ever been scolded by a mall cop? Not scolded, but one told me to take my hoodie off once. ha. He was cool about it.

How often do you catch yourself daydreaming? I zone out a lot.

What’s your favorite thing to think about as you’re falling asleep? I don’t have much control over where my brain goes. It likes to go some weird, random, and sometimes dark places.

Is there anything that you want to do, but you won’t do because you’re too afraid? A lot of things.

Who was the last person to yell at you? Not sure. I don’t get yelled at, but like my parents and I have our disagreements and get frustrated with each other sometimes.

Who gets up the earliest in your household and what about the latest? My dad gets up the earliest everyday even on the weekends when he’s off work. The latest is me.

Have you ever had a pet walk across your keyboard while you were typing? No. My dogs have always been too big to do that.

Which political issues are you most passionate about? I don’t want to get into politics.

You’re going to your favorite foreign country, so what landmarks do you go see? I’d love to check out many places in Sweden.

What’s the longest amount of time that you’ve spent away from your home? A week.

Did the last movie you watched have any emotional affect on you? I just saw Glass on Saturday, which was pretty crazy. In a good way.

What motivates you to go to school? I’m done with school, thank goodness.

How much caffeine have you consumed in one day? I used to always have coffee first thing and then a can of soda later on. Sometimes more coffee later that night. I haven’t had soda; though, in over year. Well, minus the sip I take with my medicine (I have to crush my pills and soda is the only thing I can take it with). Now I’m just about the coffee, twice a day. Nice, warm, big, delicious cups of coffee.

Are you more hyper and up-tight or laid back and relaxed? Hyper and upright don’t seem to go together in the way you paired these things, but I’d say I actually come off laid back to people who don’t really know me and probably just cause I’m pretty quiet, but really I’m more tense and anxious.

When was the last time you heard someone talking about you? *shrug*

How did you pick out your last outfit? I just grabbed some leggings and a sweatshirt. Not much thought went into it.

Are you embarrassed to bring people into your bedroom? I would be now.

When was the last children’s birthday party you attended? It’s been a couple years.

Are you good at reading other people’s body language? I think so. I could be taking it the wrong way sometimes, though.

If you’re sick, do you go to school or do you stay home usually? It depended on how sick I was. Typically, I’d power through, but there were times where I just couldn’t. There were times in college before I had a pretty big surgery for something where I was sick a lot and went to school with a fever and chills. I’d have to pop some Tylenol before class, sometimes even during, and just push through. Weak me today can’t relate.

Does chicken noodle soup really make you feel any better? No.

What’s one meal that you like to eat whilst sick? Usually I’m not much into anything because my taste buds are all messed up and everything tastes bland. And then depending on what kind of sick I am, I may not want to eat anything, really. I have to force myself to eat toast or soup in times like that.

Thinking of the last survey you filled out, did you enjoy it? It was okay.

Have you ever fed bread to ducks or geese? Yeah, before I learned how terrible it is for them. <<<< Same. :X

Is it hard to imagine you were ever as small as a one or two-year-old? Yeah. Such a long time ago. D:

What set the tone for your mood today? It’s only 1:56AM. So far; though, I feel pretty crappy cause of this cough and cold thing I have going on.

Have you ever set out to ruin someone else’s day? No. I would never intentionally do that.

Have you ever felt like the whole world was against you? Just like life in general, ya know?

What was the name of the last video game you played? Life is Strange.

What was the name of the last board game that you played? I don’t remember, it’s been too long. I love board games.

What was the last thing that you told yourself? *shrug*

How many times a day do you wash your face? I actually don’t. I just apply moisturizer sometimes.

If someone throws hot coffee on you, how do you react? Uh, well, I’d react to something HOT being thrown at me and be like WTF? I’ve spilled hot coffee on myself on accident, so I know it’s not a pleasant feeling.

Is there a high school or college that you would rather be attending? I’m doneeee with school.

Have you ever lived in an apartment or duplex home? Duplex.

Has anyone ever commented on your weight? Yes. I get told how I’m “too skinny” all the time.

What’s a show from the ’90s that you miss? I mean, I still watch a lot of my favorites from that time.

Who provokes your sarcastic side the most? My brother and I sarcastically joke around all the time.

Have you ever thought about joining the military? No. I couldn’t anyway.

When you were little, did you ever stare at disabled or “different” people? I was/am disabled and am quite familiar with the stares.

Could the contents of your bedroom get you in any trouble? No...

Do weather patterns sometimes have an affect on your health? Rainy, cold weather can give me headaches and make me achy. Hot weather makes me just absolutely miserable.

If it snows a lot where you live, do you experience cabin fever? It doesn’t snow here. :(

When was the last time someone disapproved of something you were doing? I feel like my family disapproves of me not doing things I should be doing pertaining to my health. I know they get frustrated with me for that.

Do you consider yourself to be approachable? I’m not sure.

How do you respond to cheesy pick-up lines? Laugh. I’ve been asked the whole, “aye girl, what’s your sign?” before.

How was the service at the last restaurant you visited? Fine.

Are you ever jealous of happy couples? No. I may feel envious sometimes, but not jealous.

How would you describe a thought that’s sticking with you today? I’ve been thinking about how crappy I feel.

Lately, who has spent the most time on your mind? No one in particular.

In a car, air conditioning or roll the windows down? Air conditioning.

Is there a new song or band you’ve discovered? I’ve come across some new music recently. I don’t really listen to music a whole lot like I used to, so I went on Spotify the other day and checked out some new stuff to add to my playlist.

What teacher gives you the most homework?

What type of personality do you find most annoying? Cockiness and arrogance.

Are you punctual? Yes.

Have you ever howled at the full moon? ...No.

Have you ever seen yourself on camera? Yes. EW. The most torturous thing ever was back when I for some reason took this “acting for the camera” class and we’d have to do monologues and skits that were filmed. The WORST part about that was the professor would play everyone’s tape in front of the class and we were to give constructive criticism. Omg it was horrible.

Do you give any consideration to what’s said in your horoscope? I don’t even read those anymore. Back when I used to, I was so opposite of how a Leo is always described. They’re always said to be confident and outgoing people and I’m just like, ahahahahah.

When was the last time you felt like you were being followed? Yikes. I used to feel that way sometimes whenever I had to go to the bus stop or was going home from the bus stop.

#personal #text #survey #surveys

[heilewelt]

In words: Americana Showcase Festival UK, Januar 2019

My favorite festivals are the small and relaxed ones where every venue is just a small club within walking distance and it’s comfortable to get in every venue because there are no massive lines, the people are relaxed, no pushing and everyone is playing on time. Those are a few reasons why I fell in love with the Americana UK Showcase Festival in London the other week. A small, wonderfully curated festival in the heart of Hackney. It’s made by the Americana Music Association UK and part of the conference which took place during daytime. This year I left the conference part out but I’m pretty sure I won’t next year.

I initially went to London to (finally) see Arkansas Dave live. We met in Nashville during Americana Fest 2018 and drove around downtown to do our interview – I just arrived to late to catch him live. So, London it was. I’m so glad I went. They were amazing. The stage was shaking. Literally. Dave is not holding back on stage and when he jumped the stage would shake. The drums were shaking. Mikey was smiling behind his drums. He had a different drummer than usual but he got one of my most favorite: Mikey Sorbello of The Graveltones. I love his style. He knows Rock. Their set was a little less Americana and more stomping Rock’n’Roll. Heating up the freezing cold room or just me because I couldn’t stand still. Of course their set was a little too short – round about 30 minutes. Maybe the only downside of a showcase festival.

Once again I was lucky. The line up of the whole festival was very, very good. Arkansas Dave’s performance had been the cherry on top of two beautiful days. I also want to tell you about my ice cream performances. I was very fortunate to see Kaia Kater again. She is a Folk musician from Canada. There’s always something very earnest about her performing her songs and the way she combines traditional with modern and - as you can hear especially on her latest album “Grenades” – her own and her families stories. The Empire Bar was full. And even some other bands were seen – like Birds of Chicago. Later that same night I’d see them on stage of the Night Tales. Another highlight.

The duo, JT Nero and Allison Russell, were joined by Steve Dawson on guitar. One of the things I like about these guys is that Allison Russell actually plays a clarinet, an instrument I don’t see to often on stage. And I love how the voices work together – the roughness and the smoothness. Beautiful. My favourite moment of their set was the performance of “American Flowers” at the end and how all the music industry people joined in to song along the chorus – according to JT Nero something you shall never attempt. Haha. Well, it worked fine and was such a beautiful moment.

Ida Mae is a duo who moved from London to Nashville, musically being more at home in Nashville than in London. I’ve seen them last year in Nashville and now again in London and they’re wonderful. Growing love with every time I see them live. There’s something very comforting in their music and Chris Turpins voice and the harmony with his wife’s Stephanie Jean’s voice. I absolutely love their newest single “If You Don’t Love Me” – live it becomes even more emotional. These two are one of the bands who I believe have a big and bright future ahead of them. They’re endlessly on tour.

Here is my universal tip for you: never leave the venue when a white haired man with beard and cowboy hat enters the stage. That’s why I caught Asleep At The Wheel as a duo at a packed Moth Club. Well, a quarter of Asleep At The Wheel: Ray Benson and Katie Shore. Of course I’ve heard of them before but never saw them live. What a shame! Country right from the heart of Texas, plenty of stories and laughter. Some great cover versions, Asleep At The Wheel Songs and a song written by Benson and Shore over skype – modern times are not all bad. I’m not sure what venues they usually play but seeing Ray Benson on such a small stage felt pretty special.

I’ve only recently heard about Ethan Johns for the first time – he produced two albums which will be released soon: William the Conqueror’s “Bleeding On The Soundtrack” (release date: 15th of February 2019) and Ida Mae’s soon to be released debut album. Both on my watchlist. Johns didn’t play alone. He had The Black Eyed Dogs with him, his everchanging backing band, more a collective of musician/friends who meet on stage to play together or a public rehearse. It was fascinating to watch him as he has this way of directing the music even while they play.  Keeping it all together and then again let lose for a little jam at the end of a song.

I guess every festival must end with a bang. That’s why Whiskey Shivers were the perfect last band. Barefooted, moustache wearing perfect last band. Barefoot in a venue that was basically an open garage at temperatures around 0°C. They sure kept warm as there is no way that they or us could stand still. Trashgrass at its best, although I don’t know what it would sound like at its worst. Joyous last gig, especially when they played a song amongst the audience. Would have been even better without cell phones and cell phones’ flash lights but you can still close your eyes and listen and dance.

The Americana Music Association UK also held an award show at the Hackney Empire on the third day of the conference. There were winners, wonderful speeches, Bob Harris and performances from artists like Mary Gauthier, Graham Nash, Ethan Johns, Israel Nash and more but for me the most outstanding, remarkable performance was from Rhiannon Giddens! She left her banjo behind and sang without any amplification. How it used to be in this impressive, old British theater and even in last row on the balcony I’d get goosebumps. So amazing. I’m so glad I finally got the chance to see her live after so many years of listening to her music.

I can’t wait for the next edition of this wonderfully curated little Americana festival. You can feel the passion in every moment and the love for the genre when you talk to the visitors. I just loved it. 

Thank you for reading,

Dörte

P.S. all photos (c) Dörte Heilewelt, a few more photos on my flickr.

#americanafestuk2019 #americana #country #music #music festival #music photography #arkansas dave #kaia kater #birds of chicago #whiskey shivers #ida mae #ethan johns

[yuutolynn]

13, 15, 24, 25

Thanks for the ask too, Sheree !!! ❤️❤️❤️

13. does your country (or family) have any specific supersitions or traditions that might seem strange to outsiders?

This isn’t a tradition per se, but a national Valencian holiday. People literally spend a whole year making constructions (of easily flammable materials) called ‘falla’… That we just burn all of them the last day of the holiday. Yep, pretty constructions only made to be burnt. It’s pretty and I love this holiday! But… it’s sad to see all those pretty structures burn every year. The holiday is called ‘Fallas’, here are some example of several fallas!

15. a saying, joke, or hermetic meme that only people from your country will get?

:v is one. ‘c mamut’ is another. Literally the ‘Vine buscando cobre y encontré oro” meme. A meme format in which you start the sentence with “when” in English, throw some other english words if needed and the rest is in Spanish.

24. what other nation is joked about most often in your country?

God, Sheree, you want me to start some fire on my account, don’t you akjfsglksdk but literally, us Spanish always throw all shit to ourselves and joke about ourselves. We know we aren’t getting any better so why not just shit on us and be done with it? We literally just… throw shit to other Spanish regions if we have to joke about some other place.

25. would you like to come from another place, be born in another country?

Maybe when I was younger, I would have answered yes to this question. But I’ve come to love my own country, with its bad and its good things. Personally, I love Valencia and I’m proud of my region, and I’m pretty okay with how Spain is, even with all the shit it has. It could be much worse. I don’t think I would have liked being born in another place that I know of, because knowing two languages just by living here is not something everyone can have. Three if I add in English due to personal interest.

Nonetheless, I do want to visit other places, as I’d love to travel and visit other countries. Understand and enjoy their own traditions and holidays. I like knowing about different places that aren’t my own. Maybe I’d live in an other country in the future? I don’t really know. But I’m happy with having been born Spanish and Valencian ^^

#thanks again for the ask sheree !! ❤️ #plokmok #asks

[fredenglish]

Hello, #FeatureFriday friends! It’s been a while, but we’re back for an interview with Iclal Vanwesenbeeck: English professor, translator, and world traveler! We talked to her about her time with the department, how her experiences around the world have affected her, and the study abroad program to Iceland that she’s gearing up for. (Admissions are still open!)

1) What do you think the most rewarding part of your time as a professor at SUNY Fredonia has been?

My students. I’ve gotten to know so many beautiful minds. I’ve had the privilege of mentoring students. That’s been the most rewarding part of my life teaching here or anywhere. And I think they have helped me as much as I’ve helped them! 

I have a sense of what I want to teach that semester but it just so happens that the minute you step foot in the classroom, and you see in front of you people with emotions and thoughts and hopes and ideas,  you have to be open-minded and compassionate. And I think in some ways I find my teaching rewarding because I never compromise that. I was always someone who took an interest in students’ wellbeing, who was curious about what they thought, and never tyrannical about “Oh, I’m going to teach you this!” And now, ten years, twelve years later, I still have students who contact me, drive up to have coffee with me, invite me to their weddings. I’m happy!

2) Which of the courses that you have taught do you think students connected the most with? Which do you think you connect the most with?

My favorite subjects to teach are war and love. And I have to say, even though I sometimes hesitate teaching it, love and war in the context of Middle Eastern literature has been an intriguing experience for me as much as it has been for the students. I’ve done some interesting work where, for example, I had US veterans, US veteran writers visit my class. And we read about the Iraq War from the perspective of Iraqis, refugees. And I have to say, in the classes I teach, I have students that have those eureka moments, but never so much as in Middle Eastern lit. Because it’s a generational thing, they’ve grown up with an image of the Middle East. They’ve heard about the Iraq War, they have family members who have fought or  deployed. And it’s been a part of their lives. But for some reason I think, for more than half of my students, that hadn’t been rendered visible. Just how much the Middle East has been a part of their lives, in the post-Cold War era.

So, to render that, to make that appear to students and to ask them to echo an ongoing discourse, and invite them to be a part of the dialogue? That has been intriguing for me. And I applied some of what I do in love, romance literature, and taught exclusively love stories from Middle Eastern lit in order to de-center this idea that Middle Eastern people don’t love, don’t laugh.

That’s a very wordy way of saying: war and love. War stories and love stories.

3) What advice do you have for prospective and/or current English students?

Let’s see… [Pause] I’m not good at giving advice! But I would say to be open minded. Everyone already has something they want to study and yet I see college as an opportunity to also reach out to distant shores. So maybe learn a new language, maybe they want to study literature at Oxford for a year. Aim high, and be idealistic.

4) A big potion of your work as an academic revolves around the translation of historical works. What do you think brought you to have such an interest in translation?

Oh, thank you for that question! Um, personal reasons. And curiosity. And also, my belief in peace, and peacemaking. The reason why I translate the works of some of the American veteran writers, for example, is because I want them to be read in other languages, I want their stories to be told in other languages. Because we need that polyphony to understand war. And it is, I believe, only possible through translation otherwise you have that barrier, since you can’t be face-to-face all the time with everybody who has experienced war. Those stories have to migrate. And I don’t think there’s any other way besides translation.

As I migrate between languages and I travel, sometimes I feel homesick for my native tongue. And that makes me want to sit down and translate, to use that vocabulary. Sometimes I just spend an hour looking through a dictionary, just to see if I will catch a word that I would like to remember. That is important in life, and… [Pause] it helps me. 

5) You’ve travelled quite a bit throughout your life. How do you think your experience of travel has affected you as both a person and as an academic?

I was born in Turkey, and I was raised in Turkey. And I came to the US for my graduate degree program. And I stayed here. And in the meantime, yes, I travel often. And it so happens that my life is an intersection of three cultures and three countries and three languages: Belgium, Turkey, and the United States.

So being in Belgium, or in Ghana, or in Russia or in Iceland… I don’t see those countries as entities with borders that then determine how I should act or interact with people. When I travel, I like connecting with people and landscapes. That’s what I’m interested in the most when I travel.

But I also want to refer back to a Renaissance philosopher that I adore, Montaigne. Something he wrote, has always stuck with me: “The very act of rubbing your head against the head of others.” That you become wise as you travel. I’ve seen in the past that that is not true for all people; in fact, a critical mass of people that I see when I travel are only interested in living somebody else’s Instagram page. They want the same pictures, the same selfies, the same food. 

But for me? It has almost become a lifestyle. And I don’t see how I could give it up.

6) You’re the faculty leader of the Iceland study program. What is it about Iceland that you think makes it such a good location to study abroad?

Iceland is a sub-arctic island. It is quite remote from many locations. It is a country of 350,000 people, most people live around the capital city, so the island is not homogeneously populated. To me, it is a country that brings together modernity and tradition. In terms of landscape, it brings together  extreme urban architecture and beautiful pastoral scenery. On one hand, it has these most progressive laws towards the LGBT+ community and pay equality. On the other hand, it has a committee for baby names. Certain names aren’t allowed for babies. It’s a country that doesn’t have, from what I can say from my own research, a single stolen item in their museums. Not a single item that’s been questionably curated or smuggled. And in terms of problem-solving, and democracy, and lifestyles, it is a country that can help students do comparative analyses. 

In terms of environmental issues, in terms of equality, we have, I think, a subset of global issues that we face. If you go to Bangladesh, you will see them dealing with water pollution. In Flint, Michigan, they deal with water pollution. So we have a subset of global issues anyway. But everybody seems to find different solutions to these problems. And it seems to me that Iceland, maybe because they are a small country, maybe because of the way that their democracy and politics work, maybe because of the culture, their decision making and their problem-solving may help students analyze their own. It’s for that reason that I think that Iceland is a near-perfect place for the students to go to tackle the issues that they have studied in the classroom, and heard about for all of their young adult lives.

One example: my generation did not read about glaciers in the newspaper every two days. Your generation, almost every week there is news about glaciers. They’ve become a part of our political and environmental issues. And we have a glacier hike on the Iceland trip for students — with very responsible behavior [towards environmental impact] — to see the glacier, and understand their life cycle, and what they mean for the planet, and understand that when glaciers melt in the Arctic, we feel it in the Mediterranean. Our world, as Jacques Cousteau said: “Everything is connected.” To get these insights, you have to travel. You have to develop perspective.

For aesthetic reasons, too, Iceland is a special place to study. It’s a breathtaking country. Arresting scenery. Captivating. If you have a poet or a painter in you, it comes out in Iceland. You cannot be indifferent to the Icelandic landscape. And every time we go, from the moment we get on the airport bus, to the second we depart, students are captivated.

7) Finally: what would you say is the most important lesson that literature can teach us?

[Long pause] It hasn’t taught me any lessons. Because, then we have to see literature as almost being didactic all the time. I had questions. And literature has helped me understand my own questions and listen to how others have asked similar questions. You may not feel like you need to read in your twenties, but I bet in your fifties you will feel that urge to read. For anybody who wants to understand existence, it’s there for you.  It takes away your loneliness. It hears your questions, and it gives you more questions. For anybody who wants to understand existence, it’s there for you.

[This interview has been edited and condensed for length, with input from the subject]

#featurefriday #iceland #suny fredonia #translation #turkey #edited

[deeeelightfuldee]

How many cats and dogs have you had as pets in your lifetime? oooo boy. ok lets see. 5 dogs, 9 cats?

Can your mom and/or dad play any instruments, or how about anyone else in your family? My mom doesn’t play anything. My dad is a drummer

Have you ever colored in an adult coloring book as a stress reliever? Yes. I’ve done it this week alone, just to try and calm down a little.

Can you crack crab legs without a tool? i have no idea. I don’t eat crab or anything in the sea for that matter. 

How many light sources are in the room you’re in? ooo good question. umm, eight? lol

What’s your favorite thing to put on bagels? uhhh cream cheese.

Who’s your favorite director? i really don’t know, i don’t follow who directs what.

Bats: cute or gross? i mean, I don’t really care.

What was the last really intense pain you felt? lung pain during this whole nonsense.

Would you rather vacation by a beach or a lake? either. 

How would you feel about traveling abroad alone? I would love to, but I don’t see it happening with the travel restrictions these days.

What is your father's middle name? He doesn’t have one. he’s got a family name and the men who have it do not have a middle name. Where did your last kiss take place? uhhh I believe on my driveway 

Which movie villain do you find the most terrifying? no clue, tbh. none that come to mind

Do you stick your tongue out often in pictures? I don’t think ive ever done that. 

Which one of your family members are you closest to? My mom. one of my brothers and my sister.

Would you rather have name brand shoes or name brand clothes? brand names just don’t matter to me, but if i was forced to choose i guess shoes?

Are you a good liar? no. not at all.

Are you proud of your parents? Im super proud of my mom.

Which is better: orange or grape soda? orange

Was the last thing you ate hot or cold? hot. so yummy.

Who was the last person in your house who isn’t family? uhhhhhhh, idk who was here when I wasn’t in town, but prior to that I would imagine em/nathan

What color was the last swimsuit you wore? green 

Can you remember the last song you listened to? something from the toy story soundtrack lol. I’m binge watching all four today... I am using Kile’s disney+ for as long as he has it. I don’t think he watches it ever, so I imagine it’ll cut off soon.

Have you ever been dumped really harshly? once. it was horrible. every other time I’ve done the break up.

Can you do a back flip, or anything else of that sort? heck’n no. unless im going into a pool maybe.

Do you have any exes you can’t stand anymore? yes

What happened to cause you to feel that way about them? he sexually assaulted me

Are you more of a phone or a computer person? my preference is laptop, 

Do you have a job, and if so, where do you work? not currently.

If not, do you want one? yeah i’d like to have income.

Do any medical afflictions run in your family? yes. a few.

What’s your favorite Mexican dish? pork tacos from mama marias omggggggggggggg.

Have you ever been to a professional sports game? yes. bulls games, bears games

Have you ever ordered a specially made cake from a cake shop? of course.

What months were you and your siblings born in? january, july, august, august

What did you have for dinner last night? nicks.

Do you do anything to groom your eyebrows? absolutely. to keep the shape n such.

Has your town ever flooded? uhhhhh to my knowledge once. it had rained SO heavily for like a week and the local ponds and lakes were over-flowing. a car literally floated down my road. it was so weird.

Have you ever played at the McDonald’s play place? when I was a kiddo yes. not often tho cus I didn’t like the smell, it was always sticky, and there were always bratty kids.

Have you ever taken a picture of snow? only every single day it snows

Do you cry easily? i notoriously do not cry in front of anyone. I am not a crier. when I lost Kile I cried for weeks.

Are you happy with where you live? I love it.

Do people ever mistake you for being a different race? No

Do you hate the last person you kissed? no, i’m not a hateful person

What genre is your favorite movie? drama, romance, kids lol

Who was the last person you were in a car with? Mom. she picked me up from the airport.

Do you like the picture on your license/I.D. card? yes. I always seem to get the nice workers and they help so much.

When was the last time somebody hit on you? yesterday. blegh. 

Was the last person you met a male or female? hmm. Iiiiiii wanna say male. 

What brand is your underwear? I think the pair im wearing is hanes.

What’s your favorite Thanksgiving food? usually green bean casserole.

Do you have a TV in your room? yup. watching TS1 right now.

Are any of your electronics charging right now? my phone. of course it was on 2 percent.

What was the last video game you played? acnh on the switch.

What’s the biggest promise someone’s ever made to you? Did they keep it? that they will be there for me forever and always take care of me. no. 

Google, Bing, or Yahoo? Google.

What was the last song you had on repeat? more by bobby darin

Who is your favorite person to watch on YouTube? froggy fresh

How many college degrees do you want? i have two. I’d like my masters and/or phd

Can you wink? yes but I dont think it looks good lol i have to get better

Do you own any jerseys? I did, I dont know if I have any still

Have you ever tried to snort Pixie Stix as a child, or even an adult? No. i wasn’t a dumb child and i certainly wouldnt do that as an adult

Do you like going to baby showers? Do you go only for the cake? not really no. 

Has there ever been a time in your life, you felt sexually undecided? no. 

Do you think tattoos and piercings are sexy on the opposite sex? im not into piercings on guys. tattoos are fine if they arent trashy

Do people ever ask you to do things they’re too short to accomplish? all the time.

What color are the headphones you have at this moment in time? kind of a creamy taupe-y color

Ever choked severely on something during lunch at your school? no

Do you eat more vegetables or fruits? What’s your favorite fruit/veggie? i probably consume more fruits? but i love both. 

What would you say is the color of your favorite bra? white

Is anyone in your family a firefighter? Who is it anyway? no. sadly

What do you usually buy when you go to the dollar store? i cant even tell you the last time i went to a dollar store.

Ever peed in the pool? Be honest! I would have been murdered lol no i dont do that. it grosses me out.

When you’re older, what kind of house do you want to live in? something on a lot of land, big front porch.

Where do you want to get married? probably a courthouse. maybe outdoors?

Do you plan on having both your parents at your wedding? no. just mom.

What is your favorite childhood TV show? recess

Honestly, do you like school? no. i looooooooooooooooooooooooove it.

Last thing that made you cry? probably dejavu.

Honestly, are you keeping a big secret right now? sort of yes.

Last person you took a walk with? liza, em, dutch, della

Have you ever liked someone who didn’t like you back? i think currently to be honest. 

Who was the last person to actually pick you up in the air? lol either mario or an old friend david

Does any part of your body hurt? yeah. my muscles have been weakening sooooooo bad it is so painful. 

If you had to choose between a million bucks or to be able to change a regret what would you do? Million bucks. noooooooooooo question.

Can you keep a secret? Sure.

Your favorite romantic movie? sleepless in seattle probs.

How do you feel about Valentine’s Day? I loved it for the longest timeeeeeeee. i dont think ill love it as much this next year, but maybe by then ill have met someone new who knows.

Who was the last person you took a picture with? uuuuuhhh probably one of my nephews/niece

Do your jeans have rips, tears, and holes in them? Some do, some dont. 

Do you celebrate 420? Nope. verrrrrry much not my thing.

Have you ever kicked a vending machine? i think so lol

How do you eat Oreos? with milk. 

Do you wear your shoes in the house? sometimes. my preference is slippers. we usually wear something on our feet because gram needs to and so does mom.

Would you survive in prison? probably not, tbh. 

Ever been to Georgia? the state, yes. many times. the country? never.

Do you get your hair cut every month? gosh no. my dream is to get my hair done professionally again sometime, but its so daggum expensive.

Current relationship in detail. I am single. i will probably start casually dating soon. 

If you were kicked out of your house, who would you call/go to? i dont even know. I always imagined I’d go to kile. but who knows now.

List things you spend money on in an average week. i can go several weeks without spending.

Rate each of your sexual partners (if any) from 1-10. ooooooohhhhhh, id rather not.

Would you parents be mad if you were in a relationship? i am convinced bill would not give a fig whether or not im in a relationship. mom, however, would probably be EEEEEEEEXXXXXXXXtra cautious now.

Think of the last person you had sex with. Do you think they’ve slept with anyone else since they last slept with you? oh im sure. 

Is there someone that you believe you will always be attached to? yes. even if we don’t talk anymore... theres just always a connection.

What board games are you good at? oooo, i’m very good at board games.

Is there a sport/hobby you keep thinking about taking up, but that you’ve never quite gotten around to starting? quilting. its expensive and im not wanting to get it all cvid-y

Do you think pranks like egging/toilet-papering someone's house are funny or immature? Immature.

Do you think “sleeve tattoos” are a good idea? there are people who can pull it off, but it is notttttttttt my style.

Is there anything in particular that your parents argue about? What? debt bill put my mom in. they don’t speak tho.

Do you ever actually read the “Terms and Services” when you sign up for websites and such? the first couple years. 

If you have a handheld games console (a DS or GameBoy, for example), how often do you use it? I don’t use the switch handheld, despite really wishing i could. the controllers are broken and beyond what I can afford. so I just use the tv dock.

Your phone is ringing. It’s the person you fell hardest for, what do you say? i’d pick it up 1000000000000000% , I just would be so curious what they would say.

If your best friend was kicked out, would your parents let him/her live with you? absolutely.

Are you afraid of falling in love? I am. I don’t ever again want to feel the way ive felt with my two heart breaks. 

Is there anybody you wish you could be with right now? yes, but the feeling is lessening. I responded to him for the first time in... idk how long. thinking he’d be eager to talk and be responsive. he wasn’t. it just pushes me further and further from feeling those feelings.

Have you ever kissed someone & wished you didn’t? no, i dont think so.

Did you get kissed last night? goodness no. 

Do you enjoy going through a carwash? I love it.

How did you get most of your scars? benny. by far.

Ever had to take an inkblot test? I have taken 2. One for a fellow student in a classroom who had to administer it for a project. another time in a psych class the prof asked me to for a demonstration

Have you ever been in trouble for something you honestly didn’t do? yep! the only time ive been grounded.

Have you ever seriously slapped someone in anger? no. I do not get physical in my anger. I withdraw. 

What/who woke you up this morning? Just me.

Who was the last person to be in your bedroom besides you? My mom. dropping off ice water and benny.

What’s one of your locked text messages? I don’t even know if this phone locks messages tbh. I used to do that all the time on my t9 phones.

Have you ever finished a game of Monopoly? I think maybe 1 time.

Is there anyone you know who’s in any way paralyzed? Yes.

The truth all comes out when someone is drunk, true? I wouldn’t say alllllllll, but i do think inhibitions are lowered so it makes it easier

When was the last time you felt disappointed in yourself? messaging kile and realizing he isn’t interested in responding. makes me feel so dumb.

How about feeling disappointed in someone else? something a family member did to me this past week.

For you, do you commonly feel more jealousy or envy? ummm. lately it’s been jealousy. i dont like people taking what was mine. but i’m learning if they had access to it, that likely means that it is best to let it go. so maybe im now leaning towards envy of like beautiful relationships.

Do you rely on the heads/tails flipping of a coin sometimes for decisions? uhhh, not unless its like in a joking, light-hearted manner.

Do you have any specific chores you do around the house? when im not sick... i vacuum, dust, do dishes, wipe counters and table, do laundry of others, disinfect, etc.

For you, does comfort or fashion come first in dressing? I would say 51% comfort and 49% looking nice

Have you had two friends that absolutely hated each other? yes. lots of jealousy due to their feelings toward me.

Do you like Laffy Taffy? No. not my style of candy

Do you prefer electric or manual pencil sharpeners? manual.

Are your biceps at all noticeable? hardly.

Have you ever seen a walrus? absolutely!

Did you ever have one of those Easy Bake ovens as a kid? no. one time moms friends daughter (who was significantly older than me) lent hers to us... but there were no mixes of anything. so I didn’t know what to do with it.

Does your bathroom have a theme to it? nope.

From inside of your house, how many doors lead outside? uhhhhhhhh 3 if you dont include the garage door.

Are there a lot of trees in your yard? i wouldn’t say a lot. I wish.

Have you ever liked someone that treated you like crap? treating me like crap cuts down my interest like immediately.

Have a best friend? meh.

Does it bother you when your best friend does stuff without you? no.

Is there a secret you’ve never told your parents? yes. I dont need to concern them or worry them.

Does anyone hate you? kiles ex(?) i am sure does.

What’s the one thing you regret more than anything? hm. i dont really have any.

Do you remember important dates? yes. almost always.

What’s some lyrics from a song that means a lot to you? “what if we could put the world on hold and finally meet somewhere inside of the world? I would meet you... would you meet me?”

Who gives the best advice? mom

Who do you usually see in your dreams? :) It varies. depends on who I think about.

What type of cake did you last eat? graduation cake. 

How many of your friends are gay or bisexual? I have like 4 casual friends that are, but my closest friends are all straight.

What’s your favorite type of sandwich? buona chicken one. bless it.

When was the last time someone asked you out? Did you accept or decline? tonight. I said maybe once this quarantine business is over.

Do you like The Offspring? I know a couple of songs but I definitely can’t call myself a fan. << same

One pillow or two? 12

Do you like Mad Libs? not really no.

Are you suicidal? no. I mean there are moments where I think wow, i dont want to be here. but not like let me put together a plan.

Where do your grandparents live? my fathers parents were killed by a drunk driver bout ten years ago. My mothers father passed away maybe 12 years ago. My gram is fine and lives in the room down the hall. 

Do you cut yourself? not purposely

What is your pet’s name? benny and lottie.

Have you ever been to Canada? not yet.

Aren’t babies overrated? no, no. theyre expensive af though.

Have a built-in pool in your backyard? i wish more than anything but no.

Ever won yourself a stuffed animal? maybe once or twice. I one time had a guy win me an animal at a carnival and i found that sooooooooooooooooo attractive.

Ever had someone else win you a stuffed animal? woops. yes. lol

Ever been to a circus? i think when i was really little.

Ever shot animals? I have not. i couldn’t. 

Do you consider yourself intelligent? I do. It is something I have some confidence in.

Have you ever run away from home? when my dad was abusive, yes. 

Do you put family first, friends, relationships, school, or something else? faith, family, friends, school, relationships (only cus im not in one)

What’s something you’ve stood up for in the past? my faith.

What’s something you worked extremely hard to get? my degrees and honors.

Are you satisfied with your body image? no. I am honored to have a body that is capable of all that it is.. that has been my “home” all these years. the body that still breathes life every day, thats all incredible. I dislike having the fat that I do, as I worry it could be off putting to others. but then I realize im fine being single, so then my body imagine is fine. its a weird cycle.

Have you ever been labeled negatively or otherwise been called something extremely derogatory? yes. when I worked and a customer didnt like a policy or whatnot.

Have you ever seriously taken advantage of someone or been taken advantage of? never to my knowledge have I taken advantage of someone else seriously. I have been VERY seriously taken advantage of.

Have you ever been seriously ill? trying to get over it now tbh

Have you ever befriended a former enemy? uhhhh, not that I know of. I tend to be friendly to everyone, but I can’t think of a situation where it was an enemy.

If you’re not religious, would you ever pray as a last resort? If you are religious, do you often pray for other people? I do pray for others quite often. it’s important to me. I sometimes will see strangers and immediately start praying over them. I actually almost started my GRE late because I was praying over every person I saw in the room lol.

Have you ever dated someone, then after you dated they came out of the closet or switched (for lack of a better word) sexual orientation? no. not to my knowledge anyway.

Has a boy/girl ever walked a ridiculous distance just to see you? How about vice versa? yes! like 8 miles lol. I have not. 

When was the last time you felt really uncomfortable? this past week.

Is there anything that your mom is really known for as to how she is as a person? shes everyones favorite. shes kind, funny, sarcastic, down-to-earth, warm.

Who have you been talking to the most today? mom lol

Are you nosy? I think it could be perceived as nosy but I love to make people feel ridiculously special. So I will sit and ask questions just to get them talking about themselves. If I recognize the personal questions are not working, I’ll keep it totally light.

What’s the meanest thing you have done to a friend? i really dont know.

If your ex called you crying, what would it most likely be about? if we consider kile an ex, it would probably be that he feels overwhelmed and feels alone because he doesnt have me or his ex anymore. :(

Who was the best kisser out of all the people you have kissed? ooooo thats hard to narrow down.

Have you ever been told that you have an annoying laugh? no. everyone comments on how they love when it turns wheezy.

[nevada93-blog]

My mum doesnt speak to her side of the family, so I've never known or really been around anyone from her side. My dad has two sisters and another brother and that's the family ive been a part of. I've often wondered and it's something I've spoken about in therapy, who I would have been or how I would have turned out, did I not have my dad and his side of the family? Also being the only child, my cousins were my first real friends as well as family. Ive thought - imagine if I didnt have anyone growing up apart from my mum, literally. I can see who I could have been and my life could have gone the completely opposite way. My mum and dad broke up when I was 3 but they remained friends and I've never not known my dad to be there. He has been the balance, the scales never too far away.

I think about those who either didnt grow up with a father or if like my mum and dad, parents split up and many times it isnt friendly after that. What that then creates for the child is a life time of conflict and hurt. If they dont have any other support or something to balance the disrupted dynamic. Boys need their fathers because mothers simply cannot give their sons everything they need. I know they think they are able to wear all the capes but they just cant. Boys are wired completely differently and yes apart from the basics of love, nurturing and food on the table - only a man can give a boy his wired needs. A man can connect with a boy very differently and it's often the other % of what a boy needs for his wellbeing and development.

Girls need their fathers became a girl needs a grounding, stable figure. Speaking from experience and this is where my dynamic wasnt all perfect, growing up in a house as a female with another female, emotions and the emotional intensity has often been high over the years. There was no logical man around to step in and calm things for the both of us. Men can be good at that. They can bring things down a notch. The logic to the emotion. They can guide the ship when other ship members may be losing their shit and theres a strong chance of crashing or sinking.

I know many people who have gone in to a relationship, had a baby and sometimes not even a year down the line and they've split up. It seems like we are not able to hold our own families together these days. The reason may be we have adults producing children who didnt have the adults they needed in their lives - they dont know what the hell they're doing or how a family stays together. And so the pattern repeats. It takes real awareness and commitment to being continually present to breaking those patterns. We cannot keep producing children and leaving them with broken family dynamics. For some, they choose not to have children at all because they dont want the cycle to continue. For others, they choose to tackle it. Both choices are brave. Either way, a child deserves to come in to the world surrounded by love and security with two people who are always willing to give it.

[outerspaceman]

1-50 b

This is going to be SO LONG BUT I HOPE YOU’RE HAPPY (i do really enjoy doing these things anyway so thank you)

1. had sex?

indeed I have, but you already knew that

2. bought condoms?

surprisingly i don’t think ive ever bought any, i think whenever I needed them I either just had them from the other person or i got them from school

3. gotten pregnant?

nope, thankfully. that’d be worrying

4. failed a class?

i have. aka why i ended up in three different damn colleges. i failed a few at my first university. nothing in highschool and less somehow

5. kissed a boy?

yeeeeeep, my first kiss was with a dude. you figure maybe i’d know i was gay from that alone maybe

6. kissed a girl?

i’ve kissed many a girls. not as many boys tho

7. had a job?ive had several and nearly hated every damn one of them

8. left the house without my wallet?

too many times than im comfortable with when im driving

9. bullied someone on the internet?\

DEFINITELY no. i hate that shit so much it’s disgusting

10. sexted?

yes. a few times. i used to rp a lot too tbh, which is how i made a lot of my friends online when i was 15

11. had sex in public?

no. i’ve done very basic shit???? in public i think. but that’s about as far as that went. nothing beyond teasing or being drunk at a club but i digress

12. smoked weed?

ive tried a few times and i never get anything out of it. i cant inhale smoke into my lungs, which honestly i don’t consider to be that much of a bad thing

13. smoked cigarettes?

yes. i smoked vaguely regularly for a while. and by regularly it was like once every week or so. i smoked stale ass cigs for quite a while. i’ve stopped completely tho unless im drinking. or at cons

14. smoked a cigar?

dear god no. even the smell is disgusting. 

15. drank alcohol?

i think at this point we all know my relationship with chasing vodka down with a wine cooler. i love drinking, but i dont do it often at all

16. been to a wedding?

yes! my dads, almost my brothers, and my bro’s mother’s. my family is a wreck honestly. 

17. been on the computer for 5 hours straight?

i feel like anyone on this fucking mess of a website has done this at least once in their life. 

18. watched tv for 5 hours straight?

i haven’t straight watched cable tv for 5 hours, but i’ve definitely watched like netflix or hulu and shit for that long

19. been late for school?

ive never not been late to something at least once

20. kissed in the rain?

yes, and it’s not that cracked up to be. it’s more funny than romantic

21. showered with someone else?

yes. only partners tho

22. been outside my home country?

no, sadly. one day i’d love to travel everywhere 

23. been on a road trip longer than 5 hours?

yes, i’ve driven down to florida more than 20 ish times during my life. that’s a 24 hour drive straight from where i live. i love road trips. 

24. had lice?

once when i was a kid. i still remember my dad attempting to wash my hair. overall it was a bad experience. 

25. gotten my heart broken?

i just did yesterday when i thought about ivan and boyd potentially getting into a fight about sin. otherwords, yeah. a lot more times than I’d like to think about. but i think i feel heartbroken about most things eventually. i think with my heart more than anything

26. had a credit card?

not yet, but im being forced into the process of getting one by my credit union 

27. been to a professional sports game?

a few, yeah. It was mostly for family or friends sake. I’m not the biggest fan of sports.

28. broken a bone?

when I was really young I got a kidney infection and they had to strap a board to my arm. for years I thought I broke my arm. Surprisingly I’ve never broken a bone

29. been unhappy about my weight?

i feel like anyone who lives in america has been unhappy about their weight at least once in their life

30. won a trophy?

a few. one for soccer, a few for dance, the rest for grades i think. i cheated to get a math one, because I couldn’t do those times tables fast enough. I just memorized the number layout

31. cut myself?

when I was younger I used to. It was a rough time. I had a scar for a long time because of one of them. I don’t know what happened to it

32. been on a diet?

i dont know if i would count forcing yourself to not eat as a necessary diet, so no I haven’t been

33. rode in a taxi?

nope. not once. i for some reason didnt even think michigan had taxis until i started going to cons and seeing them

34. stayed up for 24 hours or more?

i do this more often than you’d think. i do this more often than actually get a decent amount of sleep

35. been to a concert?

yes. i love concerts honestly. one of the best experiences i’ve had and thankfully ive been to a lot of them

36. had a crush on someone of the same sex?

yeah. quite a few times

37. had braces?

nope. i just kind of have fucked up teeth on the bottom, but it’s never really bothered me

38. wore make up?

yeah, lots of times. i wouldn’t say im good at it, but i’ve worn it a lot

39. lost my virginity before I was 16?

uhhhhhhhhh??? yeah actually. I think I was 15 the first time. 

40. kissed someone a different race than myself?

yeah, a few times. ive kissed a lot of people tbh

41. Snuck out of the house?

yeah. i used to all the time. i got good at lying about it too. i was a problem child when i was younger 

42. had oral sex?

yeah. i’ve received it more than given considering I honestly really hate doing it, but yeah

43. dyed my hair?

over the last few years I’ve had died hair more than natural tbh

44. met someone famous?

YES ACTUALLY. i met the mystery//skulls guy. he’s a sweetheart. there’s been others but I can’t remember atm 

45. been on vacation?

yes, and I wish I could go on one again

46. been on a boat?

yes but wow it’s been so long. i miss being on boats, i love it so much

47. been on an airplane?

yeah, a few times. they’re weird 

48. prank called someone?

I have quite a long time ago. But i can hardly actually call people now let alone fuckin prank call someone

49. taken a pregnancy test?

I would say that maybe I have as a joke at some point, but I don’t honestly think I have

50. been suspended from school?

no, but I’ve been threatened to be suspended. honestly, how I never was I’m not really sure

#i feel like im constantly too honest on these things #but i dont really care #questions #sneepsnape