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#ive moved my pokemon around like people said to do but still nothing :
princekaces · 9 months
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So cute how enthusiastic you are for me <3 Ive been really eyeing that ask game in your top posts so I thought I'd answer/ask some of the questions in there! Sorry it took me a bit to send this message between the last one, I mostly use mobile 💔 Hope you enjoy!
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4] Sleeping with one of those lovely gags that has cock on the inside to stuff your mouth. That way your jaw can get used to being forced open for hours at a time without getting sore. Plus the added bonus of no snoring!
During daylight hours though, I'd of course want to put one of those remote plugs in you so that I could edge you throughout the day. Everytime you have a dirty thought, you'd text to me it, and I'd up the vibrations a bit to reward you for admitting your filthy desires. Eventually, I'd get rid of the plug and you would just start to feel intense pleasure from texting all the disgusting things you think about. Then remove the texting, and now you get insanely turned on just from having slightly innapropriate thoughts, leaving you aching all day from being a sex-hungry slut.
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6] Cumshots! What is it you specifically like about it? Is there any place you'd like to recieve it the most?
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7] I know you like monsters but is there any specific kind you're particularly interested in?
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9] Both and public! Your hips would be stuck in one wall and you'd be facing a second wall with a hole in it. Those who would be interested in your mouth get to hear through some speakers your sloppy sucking and moans, while those interested in your ass get to look at a screen right above your hips that shows your face, teary eyed and covered in cum.
After a long day of work, I'd make sure you got home safe and were all cleaned up. Before you went to bed though, you'd get a message from me, containing all the audio files and camera footage from the day so you'd have something nice to listen to while you slept <3
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11] If I had to pick one, it'd be blindfold since I can already restrain you with my arms and gag you with my cock. Plus, I want you to be surprised, not knowing if whats coming next is a gentle kiss or me roughly choking you, or both!
But why not all? I'd love to have you completely at my mercy, bound to a bed and no way of knowing whats going on other than feeling the mattress shift around you. Honestly I might just do nothing but sit there and touch myself, admiring the beautiful, writhing view. Afterwards, I'd undo you and you would have no idea what I did, any evidence removed beforehand, leaving you confused.
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12] I'd love to go out on a walk with you, just exploring town and playing some pokemon go. We're both good at it, but youre distinctly much better, and that starts your trash talking. Normally I can take it, but I'm feeling particularly antsy today and I eventually snap after a few minutes of this.
I grab your arm and drag you to the nearest alley, forcing you onto your knees. Seeing my hands start to undo my pants, you try to reason with me how it's still very much daytime with many people walking by who could see us and that this area is pretty well-lit. That afterwards, you have a long walk home where everyone will be able to see the... aftermath. Unfortunately for you, your words are going in one ear and out the other, my only interest in shutting you up.
I shove my length into your moving mouth and push my leg against your torso to keep you still, pinning your head between the building's wall and my hips. I sigh, loving the sudden still and quiet... that is until you start sputtering and gagging. I pull back a little, but I have a firm hand on your forehead, keeping you pressed against the cool concrete.
"I think you need to get your mouth washed out. Do not spit. Do not swallow. Keep your mouth shut." I don't wait for any response before I start thrusting, the tip tickling the back of your throat. It isn't long before I cum all over your tongue, but I'm quick to grab your neck. "Remember what I said. If you swallow, we're doing it again."
No matter the response though, you're walking home notably quiet, with bruised knees and messy hair.
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13] Believe it or not I'm actually also really into being a sub! I'd love if we were still fully clothed and making out, grinding on each others thighs. It'd be a challenge; whoever cums first has to do what the other sub wants[including topping]. So we would be stuck there edging ourselves, trying everything to get the other to climax. Of course I wouldn't lose- I mean what could you even do to win?
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Aha you're fine!! Thank you for your patience with my response. I also use mobile haha, dw! I actually answer my asks in a notes app when they're this long just to make sure I dont miss anything. Heres my answers!
[4] Routine! What's something you'd want me to do every day to keep me addicted to pleasure?
- Having my mouth trained to take cock would be the dream, I think about doing it a lot! Getting different size inserts.. starting small and working my way up to one's I have to deepthroat. I have a pretty frequent craving of waking up and wanting to give oral, this would make me such a mess. I'd be dripping every time I wake up, moaning around it in my sleep. Maybe an insert for my pussy would be necessary, sleepy and stretched out on both ends.
- The texting training would make significant progress with the former still in practice... work is hard, my legs are always tired at the end of the day since I'm constantly on my feet. The thought of rest before was amazing, but now it just makes me drool. Knowing I'll be stuffed full at the end of the night I can't help but text you, thinking of all the ways you could tie me up and break me down. It feels so good to let my thoughts drip down my thighs. I can't wait to be home.
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[6] Which of the kink's on the yes list in my pinned are you most curious about? I'll share my thoughts and why I'm into it.
- I actually didn't know I was so into cumshots until I saw a gif here on tumblr! I don't have the link anymore sadly, but it was just a very aesthetically pleasing shot of cum hitting against the edges of someones lips and chin. After I realized I couldn't stop thinking about it, and how badly I wanted that to be me, it just kind of... spiraled, I guess!
For me just the thought of being covered in it... it's so possessive, almost. But mainly I like the taste and the smell, it makes my brain go fuzzy. Something about the thought of the splatter of cum against my skin just makes me so submissive. I'll take it anywhere. The favorites would be on my face and on my pussy (ah, theres something so teasing and dominant about that one, the action of pulling out just to mark me...). But really, anywhere is a turn on except like, my feet ig. If someone proposed marathon sex and just came all over me; ass, thighs, chest, face, etc I think I'd go crazy.
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[7] If there's a kink not on the list you're interested about, ask if I'm into it!
- I'm pretty "vanilla" when it comes to monsters, I like the usual werewolves, ghosts, tentacles! That kind of thing. But I'm certainly not opposed to exploring! Surprisingly a bit biased against vampires, despite being into blood and biting, but it's mainly just because I fell they're all written a bit odd. There's certainly some good prompts out there tho.
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[9] Free use: you can put me in a glory hole. What kind is it: one with holes for cocks to come through, one where I'm bent at the hips for anyone? Is it private or public?
- Being in both at the same time sounds like it could get a little clumsy being pulled in so many directions! But oh, the camera footage is a huge turn on. The thought of being presented with a cock and just absolutely fawning over it, giving it the wettest and lewdest treatment I can, only to find out after the person wrecking my cunt could see every little thing? I'd be excited to put on a better show the next day <3. The whole point of glory-holes is anonymity, but this special twist would be too good to resist.
(AND, SOBS, YOUD MAKE SURE ID GET HOME SAFE THATS SO SWEET GOD FUCK—) The audio and video would be something I'd start a collection with for sure. Downloading it onto a USB and maybe converting it all into cute little matching casette's or VHS tapes. A stunning series!
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[11] Do you blindfold me, bind me, gag me or block my hearing? Why?
-The blindfold is my favorite! But your reasoning... fuck, that got me. You have a very fair point. The anticipation would be fantastic.
And for all of them... It would be so hot if there was footage after, so I could see everything you did to me. The tease of cleaning up any trace of it all after would have me begging to know, to do it again! Maybe I can guess, and if I guess right I get once sense back, if I guess wrong I get one taken away! That sounds fair, right? (Maybe I'll guess wrong on purpose, but who knows...)
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[12] Date night! Describe a date and how it leads to us fucking (cnc welcome). (THIS RESPONSE IS THE ONE THAT GOT ME THE MOST.....)
The pokemon mention at first had me feeling silly, but then you pulled me into the alley and that went down the drain quick. The leg against my chest keeping me still makes my eyes feel heavy, my body feel small in such a good way. Sure, I may be good at some things, but you'll always be better at making me submit to you.
The order, "Do not spit. Do not swallow. Keep your mouth shut." it confuses me for a moment. What do I do when you c— and then your cock is in the back of my throat and everything feels so thick. I can't help but relax against where your leg presses me to the wall, opening my mouth more and moaning as you start to thrust as rough as you want.
The heavy pace feels good, I can feel myself clench around nothing and tears brim in my eyes. One or two pool over after an especially hard thrust, throat spasming as I try to adjust, and the way you pull out to the tip and cum on my tongue makes my eyes practically melt into hearts. My immediate impulse is to swallow, but you grab my throat so tight I can't, cutting in with that reminder that makes this so much hotter, "If you swallow, we're doing it again." I think about looking you in the eyes and drinking it all down right then and there, but the way the concrete juts at my knees is a bit too uncomfortable now.
I nod, getting up to walk with you and feeling a little bothered about the way precum drips down my legs. Its embarrassing, but if I don't draw attention maybe no one will notice. The way the cum weighs on my tongue makes it hard to focus (I want more of it), so I place my hand in yours and let you lead the way.
Before you can say anything about it as we open the door, walk inside, I shoot you a look full of nothing but mischief. I open my mouth to show I've been good, letting a bit of your cum drip wetly off my tongue. Just when there's a hint of a smile from you, I close my mouth and swallow.
"Oops! Guess you'll have to do it again," Really, I should have tried to piss you off sooner.
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[13] sub4sub, we're both feeling needy and dumb, can we get each other off? how?
- Well, I'm afraid we might be there forever! I'd love that. Sweating and panting and grinding, just making out and trying to find release. I'd get frustrated after a while, but hey, it's a challenge. What I didn't mention is that I can't actually ah... I can't cum without penetration. It may be a while, but you will lose ;P. I don't usually cum during sex, actually! By the time I get close it's been hours, and intrusive thoughts can ruin the mood quickly if I'm not careful, so they usually do rip. I've not been with a proper partner, so I think I'd have an easier time if someone was there to actually physically distract me in the space from any gross thoughts that would turn me off. It's probably part of why I'm so turned on by other people's cum, honestly. It's so hot how they fall apart! Either way, whether its 1 hour or 8 I'm not giving in, I've gone for both without such!
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lucky--owl · 4 years
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itsbenedict · 3 years
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I didn’t post about everything I played this year, so here’s my opinions on the stuff I played that I didn’t make a rec post for:
Raging Loop 
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Raging Loop is one of them twisty meta Zero Escape-y branching-path visual novels where an ensemble cast is trapped in a mysterious circumstance where people are dying gruesomely, and you have to find out what’s happening and stop it by looping a bunch. 
I can’t wholeheartedly recommend it, because... it tries to have its cake and eat it too with the supernatural elements. Clearly magic is real and has important impacts on the scenario, but then other parts are trickery you’re supposed to see through, and it’s entirely uninterested in cluing you in to how that trickery was accomplished. Not exactly a fair play mystery, in that regard- you have to kind of just be along for the ride, rather than try to figure it out.
That said, it’s a good ride- pretty strong character writing, and the central conceit of the Werewolf/Mafia-style murder scenario creates really interesting drama. It’s more concerned with making itself feel clever than letting the player feel clever, but it’s still well-paced and gripping and has a pretty decent resolution.
Detective Grimoire
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I recommended Tangle Tower, the sequel, pretty strongly- and this one, while obviously a little rougher around the edges with the art and mechanics (the suspicion tracker system is a total dud; I didn’t even realize it existed until I realized I was missing an achievement for using it), it’s still pretty darn good. Really fun character designs and animations, fully-voiced, and a solid whodunit backing it all. Plus- while the two are more or less self-contained, the continuity threads with Tangle Tower raised some really interesting questions.
Contradiction - the all-video murder mystery
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This one was pretty fun, largely on the strength of the actors. The main mechanic of interrogating people on evidence and using their own statements against each other was some good stuff, too. Definitely had that Phoenix Wright quality to the deductions, and Jenks is a really fun character. (Had a few points where progression was just linked to standing in a certain previously-abandoned area of the map where a clue was suddenly there for no reason, there- good thing it had a hint system.)
As a mystery, it could use a little work- most of what you end up finding out is sequel bait (for a sequel that never actually came together, unfortunately), and the actual whodunit is just sort of hiding in the cracks of all that. And... cornering the culprit just sort of happens out of nowhere once you’ve got your hands on the right piece of evidence, without much fanfare. You’re following up on leads like usual, you find a little lie in someone’s testimony, and then- oh, shit, they’re just confessing everything! Unlike all the previous times you questioned them and they were super evasive like everyone else! And then the game is over. 
All in all, it’s pretty meaty and entertaining and I’d recommend it, but unfortunately the creators have moved on to other things, so there’s not going to be any follow-up on the stuff it left unresolved.
Ikenfell
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Ikenfell is a tightly-designed RPG about kids at a magic school, with Paper Mario-style action command mechanics and a battle system that makes a big deal out of careful positioning and movement, which was really enjoyable. The difficulty’s a little high (I recommend always always always speccing into max damage because killing things before they kill you is worth more than any amount of defense, speed doesn’t work, and healing is cheap), but I found it really satisfying.
There’s... something... off? About... I don’t know how to put it, it’s... doing that “yes, everyone is queer and mentally ill, deal with it” thing, which, sure, okay. But for a lot of them it’s such a background thing, like... half the playable cast is unambiguously nonbinary, but like... I don’t know if it’s trying to make some statement on how there are no rules to being NB and you can 100% perform a particular binary gender presentation but still count, or if they wrote the whole story and then changed the pronouns of some of the characters for Representation Points, or what. Probably the former? I dunno, it just feels weird. Maybe I’m just not woke enough to Get It.
(unrelatedly: why the heck is the official art they use everywhere so... off-model? none of them look like they do in-game- they look like the creator commissioned someone to draw a group shot with one reference image each and didn’t tell them anything about the characters. how much you wanna bet they commissioned a friend and it came out wrong but they were too polite to say “sorry, no, this is wrong, can you do it over?”)
Trails of Cold Steel IV
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Hoo boy. It’s... not great, and it’s not great in a pretty predictable way for an even-numbered entry in the Trails series. It happens every time- first there’s a game in a new engine with new characters and a new world to explore, and it’s really nice and does interesting things... and then it ends on a cliffhanger, and then there’s a sequel game in the same engine with the same characters and the same world, reusing as many assets as possible. Also the League Of Generically Evil Anime Supervillains is there causing trouble for reasons they refuse to explain, and the plot is a storm of magicbabble and macguffin-chasing that makes little to no sense. 
Cold Steel IV is that for Cold Steel III, full stop. Welcome back to all the same places you visited last game, except this time there’s some stupid magic apocalypse happening (not that it stops you from taking the time to do random sidequests constantly, of course). The whole “oh, the evil curse mind controls people and that’s why they do stupid bullshit that’s in no one’s interest” plot point is leaned on super hard, and it’s just a big yawn the whole way through.
It’s still really fun, though, because the battle system remains really well-designed. (The same battle system that was just as fun in Cold Steel III, mind you, but it hasn’t gotten old.) And- though they’re struggling to square it with the dumb mind control apocalypse plot, the NPC dialogue continues to make the world feel believable and lived-in. They don’t slack on the parts that make Trails good- it’s just the parts that make Trails bad are making themselves more evident than ever.
did finally get to date Towa though so that’s a win
One Step From Eden
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OSFE is... uh. It’s fucking hard is what it is. It’s sort of a deckbuilding roguelike, and there’s this combat that takes place on a grid, and- wait, it’s like Mega Man Battle Network, it’s exactly like Mega Man Battle Network. Man, I forgot about that, but the mechanical influence is extremely obvious. It’s MMBN meets Slay the Spire.
Except it’s super duper hard as hell, because unlike MMBN you can’t pause and swap out chips or anything- everything is just always happening so much, all at once, everywhere, and you have no recourse but to git gud and learn all the enemy patterns and the behavior of your own spells and develop the twitch reflexes necessary to not fucking die from all the shit that’s on the screen always.
(What’s the story? Uhhhh, there was some kind of magic apocalypse, and some anime girls are trying to reach a city for some reason that doesn’t really get explained ever. The game doesn’t really care to build its world at all- it’s all mechanics plus a little token character dialogue that doesn’t say much.)
The point is it’s really frickin’ hard but I am an epic pro gamer and I got ALL THE ACHIEVEMENTS, MOTHERFUCKER. If you’ve played it, I expect you to be really god damn impressed with me, okay???
A Short Hike
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This one was really relaxing! It’s a platformer where you explore an Animal Crossing-y island of cartoon animal people, collecting mobility upgrades- but like, mainly it’s about straight chillin’. The flight controls are fun and there’s lots of little secrets to find and it’s just a nice time that doesn’t drag on too long. Not too much to say about this one.
Pokémon Sword
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Ehhhhh.
I’m not here for the hot takes about how Dexit is good actually. Development hell happened, they had to make cuts for time, I get it. It’s disappointing and makes the game a little bit worse, but it’s not the end of the world.
Apart from that... perfectly serviceable? The Wild Area could’ve used a little more technical polish (as could most things in the game, really) but was a step in the right direction, giving the player a wider array of early-game team-building options than ever before. No HMs is good. Story and characters were kind of nothing, but that’s par for the course. “At least this time they’re not shoehorning in some kind of stupid evil-team-wants-legendary-pokemon-to-destroy-the-world apocalypse plot”, I thought to myself before they managed to shoehorn one in at the last minute with zero buildup- but, hey, beats wasting half the game on it.
It’s nothing special and it’s missing a lot of polish, but its problems are mainly due to being rushed, and presumably next gen they’ll be able to reuse a lot of the models and animations (maybe even improve the animations so they’re not so boring??? a man can dream) and make something interesting. SwSh seem like they were testing the waters for something else, and not taking too many chances in the meantime. 
(yo why would you sell all these cosmetic items and then turn them all off during gym battles, though) 
Hades
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Hades is- oh, who am I kidding? Everyone knows Hades, it’s the game of the year, greatest thing since sliced bread, Supergiant are heroes, yada yada yada. I’ve played almost 300 hours of it and I’ve completed everything except all the Resources Director levels (currently a Sigma Wraith), it’s extremely fun and you don’t need me to tell you that.
Petal Crash
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It was that thing the Paranatural creator helped on? It’s, uh. It’s a block-sliding puzzle game thing, sort of in a Puyo Puyo vein. It has fun character designs and some good dialogue, like you’d expect from Zack’s involvement, but it didn’t really leave an impression otherwise (besides how got dang infuriating some of its Turn Trial puzzles can be.) The story is... kinda heartwarming, kinda didactic, kinda childish, not especially deep or interesting. Hard for it to be, when it’s told through little bits of fluffy character dialogue that exist to set up a puzzle battle as quickly as possible. Not super recommended unless you really really like block-sliding puzzles.
Hollow Knight
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Man, why’d I sleep on this for so long? It’s a metroidvania platformer with heavy Dark Souls inspiration, in terms of tone and difficulty and death mechanics and environmental storytelling. And it’s... apart from all that, just really good as a game, with tight controls and juicy movement and great animation. Progression is linked as much to mastery as it is to upgrades collected- I found myself in lategame areas facing down things that would’ve killed me ten times over at the start- not because I had the best gear, but because I’d learned the game’s language and understood how to move in ways that wouldn’t get me killed.
(Usually. Sometimes I’d walk into a room and sit on a bench and suddenly there’d be a boss fight and I’d get slaughtered. Ain’t that just the way it goes?)
Anyway, on top of all that it’s just charming as hell, with a really unique and well-realized world full of little bug people. I love how, like, your character is clearly some kind of eldritch abomination, but it’s small and cute and so everyone (besides enemies that attack you on sight because they’re possessed by some kinda evil mold) is like “awww, who’s this little guy? want some help, little guy?”
(except Zote, who is just an ass hole. i love him.)
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connorspiracy · 3 years
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Fangs and Fries || Connor & Rio
Timing: Current Location: Rio’s hospital room Parties: @connorspiracy & @3starsquinn Content: References to violence, injuries, death and abuse Summary: Connor visits Rio in hospital after the werewolf attack and Rio opens up to him about things.
Rio hadn’t talked too much about the Winston situation or his parents’ death or much of his life at all, and now that he was living by himself, Connor was pretty worried about him, and not just because he’d been in a fight with a werewolf. He got a selection of burgers and chicken stuff and fries from McDonalds, skipping the deserts because he figured they’d melt and taste like arse before too long. “You alright mate?” he said by way of greeting as he walked in. “They’ve not got you on too many painkillers?” He put the bags of food on the little tray in front of Rio, pulling up a chair, then he took off and unzipped his backpack, pulling out some other stuff. “I also brought my Switch and some comics so you have something to do ‘til you can come home.” Hospitals were loud. Connor could hear the screaming from a room next door, someone who’d just left their body and was yelling at the doctors to please bring them back to life. He could hear crying and faint whispers, and he could feel the particular brand of heaviness in the air, but he needed to focus on Rio right now.
Orion had some preparation time when he heard Connor coming down the hallway. He had been occupied staring at the TV screen, waiting for news to break about another attack by the wolf. Nothing yet, but that hadn’t meant that nobody had been hurt. Connor had done Rio a service by not only bringing him food, but launching right into the conversation without too many questions regarding his wounds. The bruises across his face were bad enough, but add onto it the IV’s didn’t make it possible to wear his usual hoodies. He stuffed his arms under the blanket, then attempted to position them under the swinging table once Connor set the food down on it. He had no reason to hide it, but it still wasn’t his favorite conversation to bring up. “I’m fine. Probably not enough painkillers honestly,” Rio laughed, trying to sound convincing. Connor had brought an entire assortment of options, and even as Rio stared at the food and realized that he didn’t have much of an appetite, he still wanted to eat. He grabbed a handful of fries first, plopping them in his mouth one by one as Connor pulled the game system and comics out of his bag. “Woah! Thanks dude, that’s so nice holy crap. I appreciate it. I’ll be out of here in a couple days though probably. So not too much time to kill.”
Connor usually played it cool. He was a curious person, someone who liked to have all the answers and would do as much digging as it took to get to the bottom of them. There were some things you didn't ask questions about though, so while he knew not all of the scars on Rio's body could have come from the wolf attack, he didn't mention them. "Are you wearing one of those hospital gowns where your arse hangs out? Damn, if I knew, I'd have brought you some pyjamas too," he snickered. "And a couple of days sitting in a fucking hospital bed is more than enough. At least this way you'll have Pokemon and Mario." He helped himself to a serving of fries and a quarter pounder. "So," he said, after taking a copious bite. "Werewolf? Tell me about it. What'd it look like? Was it huge?"
If it wasn’t bad enough that the hospital gown was already embarrassing, Connor’s comment drug a blush out of Rio almost instantaneously. “Uh -” Rio started, a nervous laughter escaping his mouth, “Yes, but I have like underwear and stuff” Rio eventually found the words and mumbled them quickly. There was no way he’d ever be caught dead completely exposed out in public. He already felt naked enough without something long sleeve to cover his arms. “It’s fine, my sister brought some clothes to me. I just haven’t put them on yet because nurses keep coming in to check the claw and bite marks.” Connor was right, regardless of how long he was here a game or comic would do wonders to help pass the time. It may even distract him from watching the news so much. “Thanks. Seriously this is awesome. I really appreciate it.” He had certainly said that a lot recently. “The wolf? Uh-” Rio tried to think of the wolf in relation to the other werewolves that he had seen. His experience seeing them transformed in person wasn’t as high as many other hunters, but he had definitely seen his fair share by now, “I mean he’s definitely bigger than a normal wolf or a human. They weren’t the biggest one I’ve seen, but they were definitely the scariest.”
"What, it's not an arse out kinda look?" Connor teased gently, but he could tell Rio was embarrassed. Hopefully knowing Connor didn't take any of this seriously would help him feel better about the whole thing. "What'd you tell them?" he asked. "Do they think it was just an out of control dog or something? There's no actual wolf-wolves in Maine, right?" He remembered reading that. "I haven't seen a normal wolf in person. Or a werewolf," he said, chewing the inside of his cheek. "At least not a transformed one. Did it--are you--" His throat was dry. He took a sip of Diet Coke from one of those McDonalds cups that always made it taste like shit because it went flat so fast. There wasn’t really a polite way to phrase this. "Will you turn? Did it like, bite you?" 
“Nothing about me is an ‘arse out kinda look’” Orion laughed again, copying Connor’s statement and bubbling them around quotation marks that Rio made with his fingers. Rio’s own style was very much covered, for multiple reasons. The scars didn’t help, but they certainly weren’t the only thing contributing to Rio’s irrational fear of anyone seeing him shirtless. “I didn’t tell them anything, honestly.” Rio shrugged, taking a bite of a burger and chewing before speaking again, “I sort of played the whole traumatized victim card. I just sat outside the restaurant until I got in the ambulance. But I heard some others talking about a wolf. I’m sure the police report is just going to say it was a wild animal attack.” Connor’s next question baffled Rio for a moment. Admittedly, he had never even considered the possibility. He had known his entire life that he couldn’t turn, so the fear had never crossed his mind during the fight last night. But at the mention of it, Rio thought of the bite mark on his leg beneath the blanket. It would be easy to say that he hadn’t been, but Connor was one of the closest friends that Rio had. He was also one of the few that Rio hadn’t been forced to show his hunter heritage too. He had taken advantage of that blessing for too long it seemed. “Oh uh- I guess technically yes they did bite me. But I’m not going to turn.” Rio spoke slowly and carefully, unsure exactly how he wanted to word it, “I can’t turn, actually.”
"Oh, c'mon. You're proper cute. If you weren't taken, I'd flirt the heck out of you," Connor said, dipping a chicken nugget in some BBQ sauce and practically swallowing it whole, flashing Rio a big grin. "I thought you were massively hot that time I first met you when you broke a lock with your bare hands." He was sure that would make Rio blush a bit more, but he hoped the fact he was shoving McDonalds down his gullet with no concern about looking attractive reassured Rio that he just meant it as a compliment and wasn't looking to make a move. Connor watched Rio's face when he answered the question about being bitten. He'd had a few curiosities about him ever since Nell had insisted Rio come with them to apprehend moon-murder Adam. Like she knew something he didn't. "Ah," he said, simply nodding. "You're immune." Now the easy padlock breaking made sense. "Sick." 
“So I’m supposed to believe that the whole time we’ve been friends you haven’t been flirting with me?” Orion teased, fully aware that Connor couldn’t get through an entire conversation without flirting at least once. He was that way with most people. Rio didn’t feel the need to mention that he technically wasn’t taken anymore. Doing so might imply that he was anywhere near to being over Winston or ready to be in a relationship again. Neither were true. “You’re a natural flirt, dude. It’s very charming.” He knew that by now Connor was aware that any complement towards Rio would immediately result in blushing. By some miracle, none of those made Rio dizzy anymore. The two were clearly close enough to talk like that now. “Ha ha. Well, I wouldn’t say hot. But we had to get in somehow.” The fact that Connor even remembered that factored into what Rio was trying to tell Connor now. Connor’s specialty was ghosts, so Rio had no idea if telling Connor that he was immune to the bite meant anything to him. It wasn’t exactly common knowledge, especially since only certain types of hunters were immune to it. It really only left Rio the option of just coming out and saying it. “Right. Yeah. Which uh- in case you aren’t aware… is because my genes carry certain abilities. That I got from my mom. Who was a werewolf hunter.” Talk about beating around the bush. He just didn’t want to claim that word for himself. Not out loud. “So I guess technically speaking, I have those genes. But I’m not a hunter. Just to be clear.”
"Trust me mate, if I was flirting with you, you'd know about it," Connor teased. He usually sounded a lot less confident when he was actually trying to flirt and not just... flirting as a friend. "Yeah, but it's just me being English and charming. Not actually trying to get into your trousers." He chuckled softly, flashing Rio a wink. "Cute as you are in that hospital gown." He stopped joking around for just a moment, listening to Rio talk. "Yeah, I know about people with abilities. Not a lot, but... enough. Adam talked to me about it too." Adam was no secret. They'd all seen his powers with their own eyes. It made him feel better that Rio was so quick to clarify that he wasn't a hunter. Connor gave him a small smile, nodding. "I know. You're a librarian."
Despite Orion’s lack of an appetite, he found himself eating far more than he had originally intended as he got lost in the conversation with Connor. Soon he had downed a burger, most of a ten piece nugget and the entire thing of fries. Maybe he had been hungrier than his stomach was letting him acknowledge. “Yeah, well I sure hope you’re not. Because I’m not even wearing any trousers.” Rio used an appallingly awful british accent for the last word. It was good being able to have talks like this. Even after what he had seen inside that restaurant. He needed the distractions. “Right. Makes sense. Was it after that night?” Rio wasn’t sure he actually wanted to know. The less he had to talk about Adam right now the better. Those feelings were far too confusing to add on top of everything else he had going on. “Adam and I are similar. Sort of. We both come from hunter families, but mine is a bit more focused. It gives me certain advantages that typical humans don’t have.” At least Connor was willing to move past it quickly and acknowledge that Rio wasn’t using the title for himself. “Yeah, a librarian. I guess it is something like that in a way.”
Connor laughed as Rio said trousers. “I know, right? Hospital gown's just a bit lacking on the sex appeal, mate." He finished the burger he'd been working on and started on some mozzarella bites. He nodded. One thing about White Crest was that it made you pretty bloody good at switching between jokes and serious topics. That Gallows humor came in strong. "It was, yeah. After the Moon Murder Spree. Which... that was a bloody hell of a time." Literally. Connor was still trying to process it. It wasn't that he didn't trust Adam. He didn't feel that Adam would ever hurt anyone maliciously when in his right mind. It was just still a bit weird. "Good genes but none of the murder," he said with a little smile, offering Rio some fries. "Sounds good to me." 
As far as Orion was concerned, everything about himself was lacking in sex appeal. But knowing Connor’s all too charming way with words, he wasn’t about to mention that. He preoccupied himself by staring at the uneaten food. He couldn’t believe Connor had grabbed all of this just to make sure Rio had something he liked. It was really nice. “Yeah. It was something like that. I’m just glad he’s back to his normal self.” Or at least the self that he presented to others. Rio still wasn’t convinced he was as easy going as he liked to claim. But he also couldn’t pretend to have spoken to him much recently. Ironically, Adam had been the first person that Rio had wanted to talk about the wolf attack with. “Right.” Rio agreed with Connor. He had discussed the hunter heritage, but he wasn’t exactly ready to break the news to him about his parent’s death. That might elicit a slightly different response. “I’ve never been much of a fighter, honestly. I definitely prefer safety.”
Connor continued to blank out the surrounding ghosts. They were growing a little louder now, as if beginning to realise that he was here. “I’m sorry, mate.” He paused sips of his coke and trying to decide whether he should even ask about this or just leave it to Rio to bring things up when he was ready. He had never been very good at holding in questions though. “So, what’s up with you and Winston? You never like, said very much about it. I know you were together at least since I moved here. They left town and you guys are… maybe broken up, or maybe not?” There was no blame in Connor’s voice, no judgement against Winston for what they’d felt they had to do. He just wanted to get Rio’s side of it. “I reckon that’s the hardest bit. The not knowing. That’d drive me nuts.” 
Figuring that eventually it would come up, Orion managed a grin when Connor mentioned Winston. Looking back, making a dramatic and sappy post about heartbreak may have been a bit more melodramatic than needed. Though he felt the pain of Winston’s absence, the breakup itself had hardly been the source of his anguish. It barely constituted being considered a breakup at all. “Great question. I don’t exactly know for sure. But I don’t think it’s that bad of a thing. At least I don’t think so.” Rio shrugged. He wasn’t sure how to explain it. “When they left town, we talked about me going with. I thought about it. But eventually I decided that I couldn’t leave yet. So we left things open ended. That someday Winston might come back and the two of us will see where we are at in our lives and if we still make sense. And if anything has changed than that’s fine too.” At the time, the conversation had made sense. Rio was happy with how they had chatted. Rio had gone to sleep crying, but overall he had been content. Now, Rio stressed about what that future may hold when Winston got back. The wolf attack definitely hasn’t helped anything. “Overall, I’m really freaking sad. But I’m okay too? If that makes sense.” 
"Not a bad thing?" Connor posed, expression quietly curious. He was pretty full now. He'd been casually picking away at his food the majority of this conversation. "The person you love leaving town isn't a bad thing?" He sipped his Diet Coke, shrugging. "I haven't really had a proper relationship before, but it sounds like a bad thing. They have to do what's best for them though. I don't hold it against them." You couldn't really blame anyone for wanting to leave White Crest with all the awful things that happened here, especially when someone close to you was killed in the awful circumstances Todd had died in. "Did you talk about if you can date other people?"
Orion shrugged as an answer. He couldn’t answer that question with any certainty because he wasn’t sure about his own feelings. “It’s hard to explain.” Another nervous laugh that Rio calmed by taking a drink from his cup. “They needed to go. I needed to stay. I hate not being with them, sure. That part is very bad. But I think they needed this. That makes me happy.” And it truly did. He hoped that Winston got everything needed out of their time away from town. No matter what that meant for their relationship. Winston’s happiness was the priority. “I’d say technically yes. We decided to leave things up to life.” Rio spoke slowly and carefully, “But I’m not sure it matters. I don’t really see myself dating anytime soon. It took a long time for Winston and I to even DTR.”
"That makes sense," Connor answered. “Well, last date I had, we were starting to get down to business and there was a fucking monster beaver eating my bed, so, even with this set-back, your love life’s probably better than mine,” he said with a laugh. Connor and Winston didn't know each other pretty much at all, and if Connor had a dog in this fight, it'd be Rio, but it didn't sound like there were any hard feelings. "Alright bro. I don't do relationship advice, so, stop me from eating the rest of these bloody chicken nuggets, and pleeeease tell me all the cool shit about your super powers?" 
“Oh god. That’s so awkward. I can’t believe I actually feel second hand embarrassment for you about a relationship. That’s supposed to be my thing.” Orion was full on cackling now, every single breath stinging his side. He didn’t care though, because it felt so good to not be so sad. “I think we could probably battle back and forth on that one. Did I ever tell you that my sister slept with Winston? I never even did that.” He wasn’t saying it for sympathy. He wasn’t even saying it angrily. He had moved past that long ago. This was simply matter of fact, a way for Rio to tell Connor more about his life. Connor was one of the closest friends that Rio had, it was time to start being a bit more open. “Deal. I’ll stuff my face some more. I’ll even tell you about the time I got fireballed through a window.”
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crystalmaeson · 3 years
Text
Official Readme by Maeson
Pokemon Crystal Maeson - Public Version 1.0 - Internal Version 15.0.3
IT IS RECOMMENDED TO READ THIS WITH NOTEPAD++, BUT YOU DO YOU.
o--------o |Sections| o--------o
[1]  Installation [2]  Introduction [3]  General List of Changes [4]  Patch Differences [5]  Pokémon Changes [6]  Type Changes [7]  Move Changes [8]  Stat Experience, Vitamins and Fruits [9]  Mechanic & Gameplay Changes [10] New Kurt Balls, new ways to obtain Apricorns [11] The New and Improved Battle Tower and Trainer House [12] Visual Changes [13] Credits
o-----------------o |[1]  Installation| o-----------------o
Patching a game is usually a very easy process, specially with IPS Patches.
There's a variety of programs that work with IPS files, but the most famous one is named Lunar IPS, also called LIPS.
This hack is to be patched on a Pokémon Crystal 1.1 ROM file.
More specifically, this rom: Pokemon - Crystal Version (UE) (V1.1) [C][!].gbc CRC-32 : 3358E30A
You open your patcher, and then point to it to the IPS patch and the original, unmodded ROM. It will apply it and inform you when it's finished, it should be quick.
Now, there's two versions of this hack, and each one has also two varieties.
CHOOSE ONLY ONE. To know which version you want, check the details at the not-surprisingly-named "Patch Differences" section.
And yes, the patch weights almost 75% of the original game.
o-----------------o |[2]  Introduction| o-----------------o
Hola, welcome to another ridiculously long readme of mine.
I go by the name Maeson and I made other hacks for a handful of other RPGs. For the most part what I usually aim for with these hacks is to create a different experience, tweaking what I can to give games that I've played time and time again a gameplay facelift to keep them fresh for me, sometimes also trying to improve aspects of a game that I think could make it more fun, varied, better paced or just more challenging after many playthroughs and knowing stuff by hand.
These hacks are made for me in first place, so they're shaped in a very personal manner and of course through my own tastes and ideas, but it should goewithout saying, I hope.
But anyway... What can I say about Pokémon?
My feelings toward the main series of Pokémon have changed a lot since its inception. Just like millions of other fans of video games, I lived the Pokémon craze back in the day, and I grew playing most of those games. I was there without fail up until the fifth Generation, then I started to get tired of the series gradually, and I sort of stop caring with time.
Thing is, I really didn't stop liking the Pokémon themselves, and I still enjoy spin-offs like the Trading Card Games or Mystery Dungeon games, and some like Pokémon Conquest and Pokken are quite cool crossovers, so there's still some appeal to me, even if it's waning with each day.
And hey, then you get things like Pokémon Snap, which it's one unique and very memorable game, one of the very, very few games about photography. it's a really chill, fun time overall.
...What it does not appeal to me all that much since a long time, though, is Game Freak and The Pokémon Company. The choices and "philosofies" they've been doing and following for several years now have been some of the most frustrating ones I've seen besides Square Enix, and their interviews equally leave some wonderfully baffling pearls of "wisdom".
They've done a remarkable job at making me wanting to distance myself more and more throughout this last decade, to the point that I lost pretty much all my appreciation for the franchise.
And it's not just with the main games, their choice of pushing aside console spin-offs for more and more mobile based Games As A Service (that usually failed and died quickly) also left us without many interesting games that could at least keep us somewhat happy.
And the less we talk about the lies, misinformation and the worrying use of younger audiences as a shield to deflect criticism from their business decisions, the better.
I... Just can't support or stand that anymore. I feel drained.
And I would have been completely away from this franchise, barring some old games, if not for one day finding that a collective of people were working on disassembly projects of older games.
I found them to be really interesting, and my mind kinda played with the idea of having a version of one of those old games with changes that I've been wanting and waiting to happen for many years. Who knows, I could even *attempt* to improve what was already there and even add more stuff to it.
Checking the available games with disassembly, I chose Pokémon Crystal, as it seemed the most complete and evolved project of all, in combination with also being one of the longer games thanks to the large post-game it originally had, plus being an earlier Generation game also gave me more room to do changes and improvements.
So little by little, with no idea of assembly, I kept hitting walls and messing around for a time, and what you downloaded is the result of spending the free time I had working in it... For quite some time. In fact it has been over 2 years of constant work, this started in 2018.
The aim of this hack is simple:
Create a new "balance", make the game more challenging, and iron out stuff I find could be improved, or I have the ability and knowledge to do while I add more value to certain aspects of the game. Make a version of Pokémon that I'd like to replay and have every monster be a fun addition to the team and a foe I just can't roll over with little to no thought, so I want to try all of them.
If you were expecting a new story, or a new region, or whatever pipe dream that most probably would end up incompleted and not stable, sorry to disappoint, but you won't find it here.
And no, I don't really care if this hack doesn't have an "epic" name. There's so many other more important things to care than that...
o----------------------------o |[3]  General List of Changes| o----------------------------o
Here you have a quick list with some of the biggest changes all around, but there are sections for most of them to talk more in detail.
· Attempt to reach a new balance. This has been said above, but what   it actually means is that elements as Types, Moves, Pokémon Stats and   such have been changed deeply to move away from the conventions of the   original games, making many species feel entirely different gameplay-wise.
  Among other things, this means no more disappointing creatures with bad   typing and many weaknesses, or low Base Stats filler. It also means parity   between the Types, with each one having the same number of Weaknesses and   Resistances. The intent is for every Fully Evolved Pokémon to feel useful   or, at the very, very least, usable in a way where you don't feel handicapping   yourself to the point you ask yourself if it is even worth doing it.
· Moves and TMS have been changed a lot in order to accomodate the Physical & Special Split,   each Type now has both Physical and Special moves of different Power tiers.
  Many old attacks have been removed and many others have been added. What moves each   evolutionary line learns also has been changed, in order to make all Pokémon have   decent movesets depending on what their archtype is.
· DVs (IVs on later generations) No longer matter on Stat Calculations. This means that   every member of the same species will have the same potential. This also means you can   have female Pokémon with good Attack, and Shiny Pokémon with good stats, what a novel concept.
  This way any monster you come across will be equal, so you can focus on having   fun, while still having to care of it by training, feeding him vitamins and fruits,   choosing the best moves for it in a given situation, making a balanced team, and   you know, the actual RPG bits instead of the RNG ones.
  If you liked the eugenics experiment experience the original games give you,   sorry but that's not here. I apologize for nothing.
· Trainers changed all around. Better AI than in the original game, more varied teams,     their Pokémon have Stat Exp, meaning that the further you go, the better trained their   Pokémon are, and better trained your own monsters should be. I also removed several   limitations imposed on NPC trainers to make them factually inferior to you. This is   made trying to make the game more challenging instead of the usual cake-walk.
  There's no ridiculous stuff like giving Hyper Beam to everything or illegal moves   for NPC trainer's Pokémon (although bear in mind, many Pokémon have changed types,   and many have changed movesets so their moves are the new "legal" moves, but   again, nothing impossible for you to have or to add fake difficulty).
  If you're asking yourself this, no, in this hack NPCs do not change Pokémon constantly,   that tends to drag the game too much. They still do it occasionally, but not at every   time Type matchups that go against them.
· Quite a few changes related to Items, from how strong some Healing Items are, to changing   Kurt Balls, changing the effect (or power of the effect) on several Held Items, new   types of berries, and others.
  Healing items are no longer useable in battle, neither for you or the NPC Trainers.   Battles must be won only with your Pokémon, their held items, and strategy.
  ...Or well, over-levelling through mind-numbing grinding.   We can't exactly get rid of that.
· Added a whole LOT of improvements here and there to make the game flow, feel and   play better.
  Things like changing how Item Storage works to have more space overall, much faster   egg hatching speeds, making every monster available in this hack, having the Pokédex   show you a bit of meaningful game information, as now it shows a species Base Stats   and also the Shiny variations, make saving a faster process, making TMs infinite   (but not abusable), improving the scrolling while moving around making the game   feel and look much better, large improvements on the Battle Tower, expanding the   Trainer House to be more interesting end-game stuff, adding Rematches, making   PokeGear rematches better, a way to change PC Boxes remotely, move tutors and   quite a few others.
There's many things more, but that's what the individual sections are for.
o-----------------------o |[4]  Patch Differences | o-----------------------o
Now, there are four patches, so let's explain this quickly.
First, we have the Original versions, and the Alternative versions, these last ones offer a tweaked experience in case you want to play this hack again with some differences.
In which ways it is different?
Well, the Starters have been swapped, so when you begin a new game, you get to choose between Bulbasaur, Charmander and Squirtle.
MUCH bigger difference, though, is that all the Gym trainers, the Leaders, other important NPCS and the Elite Four no longer have their teams limited to following the thematic "Type" standards.
Other trainers such as the Rival also have different teams, (and like the original patch, he develops a different team depending on the starter they steal).
Without that restriction each of those trainers have way more varied teams, making the game less predicable because you can no longer coast on the Type disadvantages most of the Pokémon of a Gym Leader share.
This of course changes how you make your teams. You no longer "have" to bring "this or that Type" because later on the road there's a Gym weak to it. It's more about making a team that you feel it can withstand anything it may come.
The order of certain Ingame Trades have also been changed.
There's other smaller changes to make the bigger ones sit well, such as small text edits or change the order of the Pokédex.
But Original and Alternative are divided in two too, one that I'll call "Intended Versions" and the other two are "Items in Battle" variations.
The "Intended Versions" disables healing Items in battle and it forces Set options, meaning you don't get free switches after knocking out a foe Pokémon. You can't change the option, because it's not even there anymore.
That's how I'd like people to play my hack, but knowing how some people can be, there's an extra patch, "Items in Battle", that gives you the possibility of using Items and to change the battle option, but there's a price to pay.
If you choose to play with enabled Items/Switch in battle, a few Items will be unavailable to you, the price of several Items will increase, and the HP they restore will be lowered. Also, NPC Trainers will also use Items.
That's simply because Items can be easily abused, and that is the opposite of what I wanted in this hack. If you choose the "right" to abuse Items during battle, then I have the right to make adjustments to annoy you with your choice.
It's not like Hyper Potions will heal 1 HP or anything crazy like that, but because in my hack you can't use Items in battles, they're more powerful than the usual vanilla items so you could recover better between battles.
The items you lose access to are all new, by the way. A set of consumable Held Items that raise a stat whenever the holder is attacked or under other circustances, similar to the berries in the Third Generation, albeit they're activated differently.
Another change is limited access to a team-healing item that I made, and restores all your Pokémon to perfect shape. Intended to be used in a pinch, like being lost in a cave, or between hard fights, but you can only have in small amounts. In the Original patch, you can carry 3 of them, but only 1 on the "Items in Battle" versions.
You're free to choose how to play. Of course, you only apply one patch.
If for some reason you started a game with one version, for example, with the patch for Items in Battle, and you later on want to go to the No Items in Battle version, you can actually use that save file and not start again.
But I recommend you to save first in a Pokémon Center before doing so. Once you did that, patch a clean ROM and rename the .SAV file into whatever the new patched rom is. Now you can continue with your game. Remember to always make backups before doing anything of this sort.
I do not recommend changing between the Original and Alternate versions.
Lastly, trading and battling with vanilla Pokémon Crystal is not going to work. Not only many of the fixes made already impossible to be compatible with Vanilla Pokémon Crystal, but the gigantic load of changes I made to the game would render any attempt become a glitchy mess.
But you can trade and battle with other copies of this hack, and the four versions of the patches should be compatible with each other for both trading and battling. I'd recommend using the No Items versions because it gives you access to those extra Held Items, though.
o--------------------o |[5]  Pokémon Changes| o--------------------o
Probably the most obvious and central change, these creatures are the core of the franchise after all.
As you may imagine, there have been changes to most aspects of them. While some of those have their sections to talk about, Base Stats are probably the most important one here.
That is because for the most part there is parity in Base Stat Total for all evolutionary lines in this game.
Pokémon to me has become a rather painful series of games to look back, because there has never been that much of an interest to improve or balance out their creations to make a more varied, balanced and fun experience, and when they try to do something is more on the lines of "adding" to fix instead of improving what's there already.
And don't get me wrong, trying to get "perfect balance" is impossible with such a large amount of creatures, but at the same time, Game Freak has done very, very little in this regard, most other developers would at least try something, specially if they had the decades of game releases Game Freak has had.  
But back on track. This is why in this hack, almost every non-Starter, non-Legendary fully evolved monster has a Base Stat Total of 650, making each all of them feel have the same potential overall.
This means there will be no "early useless Pokémon", nor so called "Filler".
And yes, this means your beloved Tyranitar, Dragonite, and such have the same potential as a Raticate or a Wigglytuff. On the other hand, this also means you don't need to train a Pupitar or Dragonair to ridiculous levels to have them evolve into their final forms.
If you ask yourself "why such high Base Stat Total", well, its simple: The higher the roof, the more space you have to scale stats. The more space you have to scale stats, the better you can "personalize" stats for the different species.
Besides, the Base Stat Total stops being important when everybody is at the same "level".
Now, that's for "normal Pokémon". The first two Generations had two trios of "pseudo-legendary" monsters, those being Articuno, Zapdos, and Moltres, and Raikou, Entei and Suicune. These critters have 660 Base Stat Total.
Starters also have a total of 660. This is mainly because starters are usually the back bone of most player's teams (although I usually roll without them), and I saw fitting for them to be slightly stronger. But fear not, because those extra points don't really make much difference, as they're used to make them more well rounded instead of just dumping them on their highest stats.
Finally, true Legendary Pokémon keep their 700 Base Stat Total of the original games. To this day I never used legendaries beyond wanting to see their back sprites, never cared about them, so they have the least number of changes, really.
Some other changes are:
·Many Pokémon had their overall archetypes changed besides their Stats improved.  Furret is now a Fast Special Attacker, for example.
·Almost every Pokémon now has a 50% Male/Female Ratio, except for the Nidorans,  Tauros and Miltank. Pokémon like Blissey, Chansey, or the Hitmon-family  now can be both male and female. Magnemite, Voltorb and such are still genderless.
·The two Legendary Trios have genders and can in fact breed, thus they can be  seen almost as normal Pokémon.
·The Pokédex had the entries for each Pokémon modified. This is because now it shows  actually useful information instead of the continuously repeated "scientific" info  that usually is full of lies and ridiculous stuff that could make an Indian Elephant  have a headache, but hey, it may not be the Pokédex info, it may just be a bit too  close to a Magcargo and it's experiencing how one feels being next to the Sun.
 Happens to us all sometimes.
 Now, the first page of each species shows its Weaknesses and Resistances while  the second page of each one now points out the Base Stat spreads it has,  which is a much, much more useful ingame data, specially when this hacks  aims to change heavily most things related to battling and "the RPG elements".
 Oh, and by the way, if you press Select while looking at a Pokémon's Data,  you'll activate "Shiny Mode", and every Pokémon shown will be seen with their  Shiny Colors!
·Talking about Shiny Pokémon, those are far more common. While I personally don't care  too much about them, specially nowadays when they've become so... Uneventful and common,  not to mention how much they've been related with hacking and cheating, Pokémon being  shiny lost appeal to me, yet they're still a big thing for many players, so why not make  them easier to obtain?
 The means for finding a Shiny Pokémon in Generation II were rough. REALLY rough. With  the way it works now, you should find quite a few of them throughout your adventure, and  also finding female shiny Pokémon should also be a more common occurrence than before.
 You're bound to find a fair share of them. This being a modded game, it doesn't really  matter if they're not as rare or hard to find.
 NPC trainers will have Shiny monsters here and there, so you should also have the chance!
·As you already know, wild Pokémon may be holding items. In the original game,  many species had nothing with them. Now, most species have them, and the variety  is much, much bigger. Not only that, the chances for finding Pokémon with items  has increased.
 Now there's a 50% of not having an item, 40% of having a "common" item, and  10% of holding a "rare" item. Better than the 2% on the original.
 Lastly, I've made another improvement in held items. Now, whenever you battle  with a wild monster that has an Item, an little icon (similar to the one in the party menu)  will appear on the enemy's HUD. Specifically between the Pokeball icon that appears  when you fight a monster that you already have in your Pokédex, and the Gender icon.
 Again, only for WILD creatures.  If monsters have items in trainer battles is a secret to everybody!
·A big one, already mentioned in the introduction:  DVs (or IVs, if you rather call them that) NO LONGER FACTOR INTO STAT CALCULATIONS!!
 This means that now only Base Stats and Stat Exp matter in each Pokémon statistics.  Oh, and by the way, the formula to calculate stats has changed very slightly.  Remember that +5 bonus at the end of the calculations? Now it's a 6.  That means that a 100 Base stat (Not HP) of a fully trained monster is 300 and not 299.
 This also means you can now have Female Pokémon with good Attack power, and Shiny  Pokémon no longer are weak, two rather big things for me at least.
 No more you will have to waste hours of your life breeding and abandoning  dozens if not hundreds of Pokémon for good DVs (what a great lesson!).  NPC Trainers also get good Pokémon too, making things better for everybody.
·Evolution has been streamlined and homogenized. This means that Pokémon that  evolved by trades, special events, and such have simpler, more direct ways  to do so now. But also, all Pokémon evolver on similar levels.
 After all, if they are supposed on equal footing in Power, they should  also be on the same level on this matter too.
 Here's a few examples:
 Pokémon with three stages evolve at levels 20 and 32.
 Pidgey evolves to Pidgeotto at level 20, and to Pidgeot at level 32.  Chikorita evolves to Bayleef at level 20, and to Meganium at level 32.  Dratini evolves to Dragonair at level 20, and to Dragonite at level 32.
 Pokémon with two stages evolve between levels 22 and 24.
 Rattata evolves into Raticate at level 23.  Venonat evolves into Venomoth at level 24.  Rhyhorn evolves into Rhydon at level 24.  Hoothoot evolves into Noctowl at level 22.
 Of course, there are a couple of exceptions. Caterpie and Weedle  are still the fastest evolving lines, and of course Pokémon that  evolve through stones can do so anytime you want.
 Oh, and by the way, in this hack, you WANT to evolve when Pokémon want to.  You won't get much from stopping an evolution, and with Pokémon that evolve  through stones and such, you should do it before too late.
 This is because many species learn better techniques at the same level they evolve,  and it would be a waste to not learn them.
 You can find at which levels are recommended Pokémon to evolve through stones in  the specific Pokémon Stat list txt. But if you want to make it easy:
 If the Pokémon has two evolutionary stages > Use the stone at Level 22 or 23.  If the Pokémon has three evolutionary stages > use the stone at level 30 or 32 (to reach the last stage).
 That said, if you feel like not evolving for whatever reason, you've not lost everything.  The game has a Move Reminder, and you'll be able to remember freely any move from a species  learnset.
 Oh, and the Time Capsule seems to work as long as you of course follow the rules.  But a few notes:
 Any Pokémon you bring from Generation 1 may have their moves changed upon  arriving your game. The moves may turn into a very uncharacteristic one for  the Pokémon, because I repurposed many moves into new ones.
 The stats of the Pokémon will change from Gen 1 to Gen 2, and most notably,  the HP of any Pokémon that reaches Gen 2 will not be fully healed, because  of the change in stats, but there's no problem at all as far as functionality,  just heal.  
 That said, have in mind there's NO NEED to use the Time Machine.  You do so under your responsibility.
o-----------------o |[6]  Type Changes| o-----------------o
Yet another big shake to the, in my personal point of view, rather badly balanced formula.
I'm not going to discuss or waste time with this. This is how it works here:
Defensive wise, each type now is weak to two other types, while resistant to three, one of them being itself. There are NO immunities. Every type is equal as far as weaknesses and resistances, except for Normal.
Normal has no weaknesses or resistances, period.
Offensive wise, each Type is effective against two Types, and is resisted by three, one it being itself. Normal does not hit for Super Effective damage nor does it get resisted.
So, among other things, Ghost will get hurt by Normal and Fighting moves, Normal will get hit by Ghost, Dragon is no longer weak to itself, and Ice is not such an awful and pathetic defensive Type that exists to be mocked.
Oh, the Fairy Type has been added too, but how it works doesn't exactly resemble the original game, just like the other Types.
Now, because I know how certain part of the community can act (and let's not kid ourselves pretending it doesn't happen), to make myself clear and blunt:
 I don't care if you think Type X should be weak/resistant to type Y.  I don't care if you don't want to learn new Type Matchups.  I don't care what Game Freak does with types now or in the future.
I'm not Game Freak and I have made this wanting to break away from their norm, I don't have to follow any rules, not theirs, not yours.
Making a more even ground for all types, trying to make each monster good, so I could play with all of them and have fun was one of the important things for me, and to reach that goal I made as many changes as I saw fit.
You're free to stop reading and go look for another hack if this will bother you that much.
End of the "serious" moment. Good? Great, let's continue!
With this change, every Pokémon will always have more good points than bad points, not to mention that the maximum number of weaknesses a Pokémon can have is 4, and if it has 4 weaknesses, to compensate it will have 6 resistances.
Another thing I want to point out is that the number of Normal Type Pokémon has been lowered. While there are still a bunch of them, it's a way lower number, making many of these previously Normal Pokémon have completely different Type Combinations. I mean, I'm sure you won't miss all the Normal/Flying types. I hope so at least.
If you think Normal Type not having weaknesses could be "broken", far from it, specially since, as I said, in this hack having *more good points* is a given for any non-Normal Pokémon. But of course that's just talking. They can make for great members, in one of my several test-playthroughs, a Furret was one of my best Pokémon all thoughout the game.
There is an image in the RAR file with a Type Table to show you how Types work now, but beyond that, in Violet City's Pokémon Academy, there are two books that teach you the differen Types and their strong and weak points.
And then, if you're so lazy to figure it out, the weaknesses and resistances for each individual species is listed on the Stats text file.
And theeen, if you're even lazier than that, you can also check the Pokedex Entry of a given *captured* Pokémon, as it gives you useful info such as this.
Basically what I'm trying to say is that you have a number of ways to find out how types work. Use them to your advantage.
Oh, lastly, in this hack there are NO Pokémon with double weaknesses. I've never liked them to be honest, and to me just show how unappealing some types were designed to be that they make such awful combinations.
I still remember how excited people were for Aurorus until they saw its typing, and then it all turned into either jokes at its weaknesses or pure disapppointment.
No fun.
o-----------------o |[7]  Move Changes| o-----------------o
Alongside the previous two changes, the Moves have been changed A LOT too.
Instead of just "copying" what Game Freak has done in later generations, this hack had in mind to actually modify moves in ways to make them more interesting based on the limitations of the GBC games, and also another little thing:
There is a Physical/Special Split in this hack, so one of the big changes of this hack was to give each Type a number of both, Physical and Special moves to cover different Power levels so Pokémon can have good STAB moves that go along with their stats.
After all, that was probably the best thing Generation IV did for me. While it took some toys from some Pokémon (like Elemental Punches from Alakazam), it really was a big change for the better for most species.
So for example, we have Rock Slide for Rock Pokémon with high Attack, and Rock Launch for Rock Pokémon with high Special Attack. For this, many old moves were removed and reworked into new moves, mostly moves that were redundant and exactly the same as other moves (Like Whirlwind and Roar, or Wrap and Bind, they're the exact same thing).
While this gives every type and every Pokémon solid Stab moves, the limitation of 254 moves makes it so I can't add many "wild" and unique moves, but oh well, it's already much, much better than what it was originally on Generation II.
...No, really, I forgot how rough and unfair the move list was in old Generations, with some Types having almost no good moves at all, or moves that Pokémon couldn't take advantage of because their Stats and their Types didn't match. Hoo boy...  
Another big change is that most attacks now have secondary effects, and very often, the lower the Power of a move, the higher is the chance to inflict those secondary effects.
For example, Fire Breath (New move) has a 15% Chance of causing Burn and 70 Power, but Flamethrower only has 10% chance of causing burn and 95 Power. This makes moves with lower Power a bit more useful.
As you may imagine, Pokémon Movesets have been changed tremendously, not only for those critters that had their Types and Stat distributions changed, but also to accomodate all the modifications related to Moves.
Movesets in this hack are in no way attempting to copy later generations of official games, specially since Generation 2 Movesets were incredibly sad to look back.
Instead, they're focused on attempting to give what that certain species needs. So no Pokémon will be let without good STAB moves, and you also won't see Pokémon that are obviously Physical attackers getting Special moves or viceversa.
A handful of moves also got their priority changed.
Safeguard, Haze, Mist, Transformation and Bide now go before other moves. This change actually shakes up battles a bit, it was fun to see the AI read my moves from time to time and prevent Status, and hey, with Transform having priority now Ditto is more usable too!
A list of the moves, what they do, and their other data is in its own TXT file, although with ingame descriptions, it is not necessary.
As far as TMs and HMs, things also have changed.
TMs no longer get consumed when used, so they have infinite uses. The Moves they teach have also changed for the majority of TMS, with most of them teaching both Physical and Special "end-game" moves. There's also a total of 55 TMS now.
None of them can be found in shops, you must find them by exploring or obtained from an NPC.
HMs have also changed a bit, making them more useful. Cut now is a 70 Power Normal move with a High Critical Ratio, and Fly is a strong move with 110 Power that causes Recoil damage. Flash causes damage and can lower Accuracy. Strength is now is Fighting type and causes Flinch. And Whirlpool is a bit more powerful and now takes more HP at the end of turns, so its a rather cool combo alongside Toxic on bulky Pokémon.
Also, HMs can be forgotten like normal attacks, so you can swap attacks easily in case you want, and unlike in Gen. 1, because you can't drop them, you can't get stuck.
Or rather, you wouldn't get stuck, because there's another change. These moves:
Headbutt Rock Smash Cut         Surf Strength Waterfall Whirlpool
Don't need to be known by a Pokémon to be used in the overworld! You only need a Pokémon capable of learning such move, and the needed Medal in the case of the HMs.
That only leaves Flash and Fly out of that list, right?
About Flash:
I also added an item that will let you light dark caves so you don't need to have a Pokémon with Flash, but you get it quite a bit later than the HM. Just look around Mahogany after things calmed down.
It can be assigned to Select for quick use, too!
About Fly:
There's a small sidequest you can do later in the game that will net you a special object. This item will let you use a different version of Fly. Mechanically, it's the same, you can fly to places you've explored. Animation-wise is different, though.
Because all of this, you no longer need to have any HM on any Pokémon unless you want it (because most of them are actually respectable attacking moves), which gives much more freedom to parties and movesets!
o----------------------------------------o |[8] Stat Experience, Vitamins and Fruits| o----------------------------------------o
TLDR VERSION: Use Vitamins, use Fruits. They improve your Pokemon's stats, and          you need to take care of your team to withstand other trainers          which have properly trained monsters. Use them intelligently,          don't waste them with Pokémon you don't want to have in your team,      at least early on when you have limited resources.
         Vitamins are no longer as limited in effect, or as expensive.          Fruits are new, and are twice as good as Vitamins.
Pokémon games have a system in which, through adquiring certain points through different means, a creature can improve its Stats. In Generations 1 and 2, these are called Stat Experience. This is a system Game Freak has never informed the players about at all, and the games never came even close to mention it in any trully useful detail, so bare with me if this is your first time with this stuff, although I doubt you found this hack knowing nothing about it.
Stat Experience points can range from 0 (Empty) to 65535 (Maximized). Unlike later generations, In Gen. I and II, you can maximize the experience of all the stats.
Stat Experience points are divided and exclusive for each stat. HP, Attack, Defense and Speed have their own Stat Exp Table. Special Attack and Special Defense share the same Stat Exp Table. So reaching 65535 Stat Exp in each Stat will make your Pokémon perfect stat-wise. Even Pokémon at Level 100 can get Stat Experience, but to gain the effects, they need to be stored on the PC so their real Stats can get updated with the current Stat Exp. they have at that moment.
The ways you get Stat Exp are these:
By battling -Each time one of your Pokémon defeats another, the Base Stats of the enemy's species          is added to your Stat Exp in each stat. This is the slowest way, but it's also free,          and will raise your stats by just playing through the game.
     If you defeat, let's say, a Caterpie, it has these Base Stats:
HP 75, Attack 60, Defense 70, Speed 95, Special Attack 90, Special Defense 70.      As I said, Special Attack and Defense use the same Stat Exp Table. The game takes      the Base Stat related to Special Attack, so in this case, your Pokémon will be      awarded 90 Special Stat Exp Points, alongside the rest.      Training only through battles is not only pointless when you have other means,      but also incredibly tedious. While in my hack Pokémon have higher stats that make      training this way faster, battling for Stat Exp should only be relied on when      you've already fed your Pokémon Vitamin and Fruits, to get those last Stat Exp Points      needed for a Perfect Stat.
     But of course, any Stat Exp gained through battles is benefitial, just don't battle      *only* for the Stat Exp unless, as I said it's to finish Stat Exp training!      By the way, there's a special condition named Pokerús, which is a benefitial virus      that will double the amount of Stat Exp you get from battles. This is very rare      to get, and you will be noticed by a PKMN Center Nurse. The games don't tell you  what it does exactly either...
     It can be very useful, and it propagates through your Pokémon team, and disappears      after some time. If you ever get Pokerús, try to keep a Pokémon with active Pokerús      on your PC so you can pass it to other Pokémon. But as I said, it's very rare!
By Vitamins -Vitamins in the original game were pretty useless. They raised very little, and they      could only be used up to some point, which is less than half way the Stat Exp total.
     In this hack, though, they're much better, and even necessary, as the people living      in Johto and Kanto have *actually* trained their Pokémon properly and they have Stat      Exp, so they'll be stronger and more challenging, and after a certain point, all      trainers you'll find will have maximized Pokémon, like any trainer worth their salt      would be doing.
     Each Vitamin gives 10.240 Stat Exp Points per use, and they can be used until the      Stat Exp of the Stat that you want to raise reaches 51.456, at which point, the      Pokémon wont get any benefit from it (it won't be wasted, so don't worry).
     To make it easier to understand, let's put it this way:
     An untrained (either just catched, or just hatched) Pokémon will have 0 Stat Exp on      everything. If you feed it HP UPs, it will be able to eat 6:
     10.240 1 HP Up      20.480 2 HP Up      30.720 3 HP Up      40.960 4 HP Up      51.200 5 HP Up > Doesn't go pass the limit so you can eat another one.      61.440 6 HP Up > Passed the limit, so you can't feed more, but it's almost Maximized!               You can get the rest by battling.
     If you're used to Effort Values from Gen 3 onwards, let's make it even easier:
     The way it works, each modern EV means 256 Stat Exp, so if it's easier for you, just      divide Stat Exp by 256:
     Each Vitamin gives 10.240 Stat Exp, that means 40 EV.      The limit of Stat Exp is 51.456, that means 201 EV.
     So with a Pokémon without EVs, you can go from 0 to 240 EV through vitamins.
     You can obviously give Vitamins to a Pokémon you've been battling with no problem,      but an untrained Pokémon is better to use as an example.
     Their price is much lower so you can keep up with enemy trainers, although they      cost enough to make each purchase a bit of an investment early into the game.
By Fruits   - Fruits are almost exactly the same as Vitamins, but they give twice the Stat Exp.
     Each one gives 20.480 Stat Exp (Or 80 EV if you want it that way), and the limit      is 41.216 Stat Points (or 161 EV). This means that your Pokémon can eat up to      three Fruits in a stat to jump for 0 Stat Exp to 61.440 (or 0 to 240 EV) and      almost maximize it. Let's again use an example of raising HP with Fruit now:
     20.480 1 Salty Fruit      40.960 2 Salty Fruit > Doesn't go pass the limit so you can eat another one      61.440 3 Salty Fruit > Passed the limit, so you can't feed more, but it's almost Maximized!
     Thus, fruits are much better overall than Vitamins, but they're scarce, and should      be better used for Pokémon you know they have little to no training in a certain Stat.
     You can combine Vitamins and Fruit without problem, but if you do, first use your      Fruits, then the Vitamins so you don't waste Fruits unnecessarily.
Why the limit - If you're asking why the limit is 51.456, or 240 EV for Vitamins, and 41.216 or 161 EVs for Fruits, it is simple to answer: If you feed a Vitamin/Fruit to a Pokémon in a way that would go over 65535, a bug would happen and the Stat Exp of that Pokémon would roll back to 0. I think it's obvious why that would suck. So, by putting these limits you're safe from that to happen, but you also get very close to maximize a stat. It's the best balance I could achieve.
o--------------------------------o |[9]  Mechanic & Gameplay Changes| o--------------------------------o
Already said that under the hood, there are many, many other changes. Some (not all of them, not by a long shot) changes are as follows:
· The Clock Reset function now has a much easier button combination to open it.  The combination is like this:
 1: Hold    Select + Down  2: Release Down while holding Reset.  3: With Reset Held, now hold Up too.  4: Release Select. The Reset Clock menu will open.
 It requires less buttons, making it easier to do, or able to do at all  depending where you are playing. You still need to input the password,  though, removing that would let you abuse certain things very easily.
· Prices for several things have been lowered on the "Intended" Versions of this hack.  Because you no longer can abuse Items to progress, I saw no real reason to  make you pay as much as usual. You're still going to need them, because the  need for healing between battles is still a thing.
 Another reason to do this is because you will also spend much more money than  usual on Vitamins and other stuff to properly train and prepare your team.  
· Catching Pokémon grants you Experience now! The Exp. is the same as if it was  defeated, and every Pokémon that fought in said battle will get a share of it.
· The Odd Egg will always give you a Shiny Pokémon between 7 ramdonly selected  species, and both genders. Each Species get a unique move, instead of all of  them getting the same (now non-existing) move.
· Talking about Eggs, Pokémon now hatch much, much faster, so there's less  walking up and down through Goldenrod. Not only that, but Egg Moves also  changed all around. Pokémon also lay Eggs faster, and Nidorina &  Nidoqueen can now breed, alongside both "legendary" trios.
 Now each basic species has between 3 or 4 Egg Moves for the most part  they are different from vanilla, and basic Starter Pokémon have 5 Egg Moves.
· Trainer AI has been much improved. Now they know much better what they do, and they  can priorize stuff like Status Effects, they take better advantage of weaknesses and  resistances.
 They also carry Items with them, if you play with the patch that lets you  items in Battle, of course.
 Trainers also have properly trained monsters, with Stat Exp increasing throughout  the game. Feeding your team vitamins and fruits is now important to stay on toes  with them. Of course, there is more variety in species of monsters used by NPCs,  their levels are higher, and team sizes have increased a bit.
 Making each trainer a full 6 Pokémon team would drag the game, though, and probably  couldn't fit, I already was suffering the lack of space with what I added, because  when adding Stat Exp, custom Movesets, and such the space gets used way too fast.
 Also, the game was very, very unfair to the NPC trainers.  Not only were they hard-coded to fail more often, have mediocre AI, and Low-Level Pokémon,  you also got your Stats and Types boosted as you got Badges, so they became completely  inferior and disappointing... At least, if you want to have any challenge.
 That's why any bonus that Badges give you was stripped down. No Stat Boost, no Type Boost.  This will make the game far more fair and chalenging, in turn making it more enjoyable if  you look for having to think and put a bit of effort, which is, you know, the point of  this entire hack.
 Another thing changed is the money that many types of trainers reward you by beating them.  In this hack you have many more things to buy as mentioned above, from Vitamins, to  Held Items, to Decorations, and more Healing Items because of the higher difficulty,  so a better income was needed.
 On the other hand, if you lose, which is much more plausible now, you won't get your money  halved. Instead, you lose money depending on the number of badges you have, like more recent  games. It's much more fair early on, specially in this hack since it is expected of you to  buy vitamins and held items for your monsters as you go through the game, besides all the  other items.
· Stat increase percentages have been changed.
 Stat-improving moves like Accelerate or Meditate, and Stat-decreasing moves like  Growl or Scary Face can go from Level 0 (normal stat), to Level +6 or -6,  depending if it increases or decreases a stat.
Before o-----------------------------------------------------------------------------o |Level -6   -5   -4   -3   -2   -1   0     1     2      3     4     5     6   | |Perc. 25%  28%  35%  45%  50%  66%  100%  150%  200%   250%  300%  350%  400%| o-----------------------------------------------------------------------------o Now o-----------------------------------------------------------------------------o |Level -6   -5   -4   -3   -2   -1   0     1     2      3     4     5     6   | |Perc. 25%  30%  35%  45%  60%  75%  100%  130%  160%   190%  220%  250%  300%| o-----------------------------------------------------------------------------o
 This has been changed for one main reason: to make better balance between critters,  Stats are now higher. With stats being higher, stat-increasing would get too broken,  specially with +1 bonus being a whole 50% increase. So bonuses are softer now, but  so is stat-reducing -1 Level, so it's not too harsh.
· Item Storing Changes
 For starters, there's two new pockets, one for Berries and Fruits in which 13 kinds of items go in it,  the already known berries, plus the new Fruits used for powering up your monsters. Fits all of them.
 The other new pocket is for Battle items, specifically Held Items. There are several dozen of them,  and having such type of items be mixed with consumable and healing items was a bit of a mess,  even more if you have an organization obsession and want everything neatly grouped.
 Every item of this type fits in this pocket, that's over 50 different types of Items!
 Apricorns are now stored in your Ball Pocket, and there's space to have every ball plus Apricorn,  so they will never become a nuissance to you by filling your bag like before.
 Item Pocket now can store 35 different objects instead of 20, and because Berries/Fruits, Apricorns,  and Held Items do not take space in this pocket anymore you have much more freedom.
 There's one catch, though, now you can only store 30 types of items in the PC, instead of 50.  It won't be much of a problem because you don't need to store any Berry, Fruit, Apricorn, Ball,  or Held Item, so I think it's a good compromise.
 Another change is, as mentioned above, about wild Pokémon. Now, many different species will  hold items. These range from Berries and Fruits, to sell-able Items, Apricorns and a few others.
 This not only will make getting new monsters more interesting, but will also make way, way  more useful the move Thief, and also the new Peck, which also has the effect of taking the  item the foe holds.
· The Pokegear Map has seen a huge facelift. Not only is a bit prettier to look at,  it's also more informative, with standout places or landmarks pointed out in the  map. I even added different little icons to quickly see which poblated areas are  Towns or Cities, just because why not.
· A new Building in Goldenrod has been opened. This place will sell to you all  the Decoration items you previously would get through Mystery Gift or through your Mom.
 Some of the dolls also have been changed, to offer something new, because the game  now is not limited to the original Pokémon icons for the Party Menu. This is also  true for the bigger dolls.
 Talking about that, your Mom will no longer buy you Decoration items, and the items  it buys are now much more useful and simply put, better than Super Potions and such.
· A Move Reminder has been added to the game, but unlike how Move Reminders work  in vanilla games, here it will let you remember moves from a species, as many times  as you want, for free.
 This is because this hack, having higher difficulty than your usual Pokémon game, may  require you to reshuffle your Movesets or try different strategies, and I WANT you to  do so, punishing you with constant farming of Items to change Movesets so you can try  different things sounds very counter-intuitive to me.
 To make this even more useful, each fully evolved creature can remember a number  of Moves from prior evolutionary forms too.
 The types of Moves they'll retain from earlier forms are usually moves related to  Stat changes, Status Effects, and Attacks that may have special traits or effects.
 Basically, Pidgeot won't be able to remember Wing Attack, which is a simple, straightforward  Attack move, but it will remember Quick Attack and Peck, the first one having Priority,  and the second one having the new effect of stealing Items from other Pokémon.
 You can find the Move Reminder in both Johto, and Kanto.  In Johto, he lives with the other useful NPCs, Name Rater and Move Deleter in Goldenrod.  In Kanto, you can find a similar group of NPCs in Lavender Town.
· Pokegear Rematches are now much stronger, they have more Pokémon and more varied,  and often enough their Pokémon have nicknames.
 To give you an idea, many Pokegear trainers will end up with teams of Lvl 80 Pokémon!  So be very careful when fighting again these trainers, they may surprise you!
 Also, a big change in how they work: Originally, if you didn't rematch a trainer  and you kept playing, when you came back to it, it would challenge you with a very  outdated team.
 This is because they only get better if you fight them earlier each time.  This is no how it works anymore. They upgrade their teams as you advance through  the game, and you could very well meet them for the first time after battling them  originally and find out they have a full team of very strong Pokémon.
 This makes Pokegear rematches far, far more interesting and better paced.
 Talking about rematches, I added end-game rematches to the game.    Once you beat Red for the first time, a whole bunch of new battles gets unlocked:  The Pokémon League levels get bumped, with some changes on their teams.  Counting your Rival's rematch, levels range from 80 to 85.
 All Gym Leaders end up their training, and they await you to fight in Lvl 100 Rematches.  If they didn't have originally, every Leader will have a full team, and all of them have  some changes to their teams.
 The default trainer in the Trainer's House in Viridian City also goes from Lvl 70, to Lvl 100.  And there's a few extra Lvl 100 battles that I'll let you discover, although they're  not precissely hidden!
 If you ask yourself why Lvl 100, well, that's to make sure you don't win by overlevelling them.  Once you beat Red, you also unlock a way to Level Up your Pokémon much faster.  Just check the Battle Tower once you do so, although be warned, it requires some effort!
· Buena's Password had its rewards changed, now it's more useful overall.
· Ingame Pokémon trades are different, and they ask for hard-to-get monsters, but give you  very nice ones in exchange, I hope you like them.
· Bill's grandfather has seen some neat changes. His time killer of seeing Pokémon you bring  to him stays, but not quite the same as it originally was. Now he'll tell you riddles that  talk about a certain Pokémon, and if you guess them correctly by showing him the right  species, he'll gift you some very neat Held Items for your pals!  He put quite of effort in those riddles, they even rhyme!
· Fishing has been tweaked a bit.
 Now the chances for Pokémon to bit are higher (who wants to press Select several times for nothing?)  and the Pokémon available by fishing are much more varied, yes, even the Old Rod.
 Levels are also higher. Old Rod ~10, Good Rod ~20, Super Rod ~40.  
 Talking about the Old Rod, now you can get it sooner, before even getting the first Medal.  The Fishing Guru has moved to the gate that connectes Route 31 with Violet City.  This expands which Pokémon you can get early on, and more options is better.
 ...Unless you're me, then it just makes it harder to choose which monsters you want to have.
· Fruit Trees now give 2 Berries/Fruits/Apricorns each day!
· On Violet, Azalea and Goldenrod cities you can find the new Berry Scouts.  These green-cladded folks will sell you the basic Status-Healing Berries,  in order to help accomodate you a bit on the higher difficulty of this hack  compared to the usual stuff.
 The price on the "Items in battle available" patches are a bit higher.
· While there's absolutely zero intention of creating a new "story" or "region", there  are new maps here and there. For Example, there's an actual Viridian Forest again,  with trainers, Items and such, even!
 Other maps got extended a bit here and there, maybe to hide something...!  Some areas also have changes made to look or feel better to explore.  Others have been extended to feel more like a full place.
 The Gyms also had changes. It's interesting how... "small", and simple most of them where.  I expanded most, give some light puzzles to most of the ones that didn't have anything  going on (I even rescued unused map movement for one of them!) to make them slightly  more interesting.
 Of course, please don't expect Zelda-level dungeons or anything like that.  ...Although that could be a pretty cool thing as its own game!
· Because I made quite a few changes in the Types of the Pokémon,  I reformatted Bill's PC a bit. Now when browsing around your monsters,  you can see their types on the upper left side of the screen.
· I changed a few textbox frames, some to fix them up a bit,  and two of them are entirely new. I like Frame 5 myself.
· The order of the Pockets in your Bag differs when youre outside  Battle and when you're in middle of one.
 This is to make the Poké Ball pocket right next to the default  Item pocket, instead of being 3 pushes away to the right.
· Status Effects no longer are shown with 3 letter "words".  Now they have their own little Icons, which make things cleaner  both in Battle and specially on the Party menu.
· Of course, I decapitalized all the text I found.  What a tedious thing...
· Smashable Rocks now can give stone-type Items alongside  being a way to find certain Pokémon.
· Once you heal Moo Moo, one of the twins opens up a  little shop!
 She'll be able to make Berry Juice for you, and  you have two ways of doing it, for convenience.
 Talking about Held-healing Items, RageCandyBar have  been also reworked to be eaten during battle.
 They're more powerful than Gold Berries, but less  than Berry Juice.
· Many things have been fixed. For example:
 Daisy's Haircut was buggy and could in fact reduce Happiness, has been fixed.  Magikarps in Lake of Rage were in fact smaller than normal and not bigger,  and other Magikarp related bugs also existed all around. Fixed.  A bug where Defense could be lowered by attacking a Substitute with a -Def move existed, now is fixed.  A bug where Mirror Coat and Counter would damage foe after they used an item existed, now is fixed.  A bug that made supposedly fleeing Pokémon not able to flee is fixed. Now Fast Balls are more useful.  A bug that made a foe under Nightmare's effect still be hurt if it was healed with items is fixed.  A bug where the HP Bar would deplete way slower than intended existed. Yes, you're reading right.  The speed at which the HP Bar emptied, specially at higher levels, was not intentional, making  high level battles way, way slower. This has been fixed and is much better, albeit not Gen. 3 "fast".
 Other bugs and stuff has been fixed too.
There's more things I could put here, but when you spend so long doing something you start to forget each individual thing...
o-------------------------------------------------o |[10] New Kurt Balls, new ways to obtain Apricorns| o-------------------------------------------------o
Yes, every Kurt Ball has been replaced. Why?
Well, actually, for the first year and a half of "development" of this hack, Kurt Balls were pretty much as they were originally, with exception of changing one for more utility, improving their effects to make them overall better and fixing the quite-a-few glitches related to them.
But during the many tests I (and a few friends) did, all the feedback I got is that they did not use them much, if at all, because how situational they are, and because you can only get them in limited amounts.
So I decided to create a new set of Balls with very simple yet very effective effects. Each of these new Poké Balls offer a x3 Catch Multiplier if used on a certain Type of Pokémon, with each new Ball being useful for 3 different Types each.
For example, the Poké Ball made with Red Apricorns (named Red Ball to simplify things), will work best while trying to catch Fire, Fighting or Ground Pokémon! Other example would be the Pink Ball will do so with Poison, Psychic, or Fairy ones.
There's no tricks, nor complexities. If the types match, you get a stronger effect than an Ultra Ball. This makes each one way more versatile, every Apricorn as useful as the rest.
Descriptions of each new Ball points to which types are most effective.
Now, because I want people to use these Balls more often, there are a few more ways to obtain these Items. The first and most simple is getting Apricorns from Trees, from which you get two for every one each day.
Pokémon themselves also carry Apricorns, as many species hold them randomly.
But I also added a new face to Johto, a traveling monk! He's easily recognizable thanks to his sandogasa (a traditional traveling hat). Because he travels around Johto, each day you'll find him in a different spot, and each day will offer to trade 5 Apricorn of a certain color for one specific Item. The Items he ask for can be obtained from wild Pokémon, and sometimes found somewhere lying on the floor.
For Red or Green Apricorns, he asks for a Tiny Mushroom. for Blue, Yellow or Pink Apricorns, he asks for a Pearl. For White or Black Apricorns, he asks for a Stardust.
Tiny Mushrooms can be held by Pokémon such as Paras, Ledyba, Oddish, Vulpix and others. Pearls can be held by Pokémon such as Shellder, Horsea, Seadra, Octillery and Corsola. Stardust can be held by Pokémon such as Geodude, Jigglypuff, Phanpy, Staryu and Tentacool.
Of course those are just a few examples, there are more. I hope with all this, Kurt's custom Poké Balls are more useful all around.
o--------------------------------------------------------o |[11] The New and Improved Battle Tower and Trainer House| o--------------------------------------------------------o
The Battle Tower was the first time Game Freak offered anything sort of similar to a Challenge Mode inside the main games. We got Pokémon Stadium 1 and 2, which were great little things, designed to be a battle simulator, with different rules and difficulties, among other things like mini-games.
But the Battle Tower was a bit... Lacking. And HARD.
This is because, for one, the trainers you met here had a quite low variety of Pokémon, so it kinda became a bit boring (I guess Game Freak knew most Pokémon had middling stats!).
On the other hand, the monsters here sported pretty much PERFECT stats, and with strong moves along with them.
This last sentence is worth noting because in older generations, training your Pokémon to their fullest potential, A.K.A. giving them the max Stat Exp. was a total pain and a ludicriously slow process. And trying to get good DVs (old IVs) was a much, much, much worse process than that.
You couldn't make use of ANY mechanic to get Pokémon with good DVs, they were random, and unlike more recent Generations, you could not improve a Pokémon DVs by using items or such. You had no control besides soft resetting ad nauseam. If it sounds bad it's because it is.
So to have a chance not only you needed High DV monsters (pretty much impossible by normal rules), but also fully trained and with the best moves possible.  And you only got ONE SINGLE TM for many moves, and Pokémon learnsets were for the most party pretty lacking if looking at them from a competitive point of view, so you were screwed there, as you may imagine.
All in all, it was often seen as unfair and just not very fun. And if you wanted to try it anyway, add to that that the rewards were laughable. Vitamins that you could buy, and didn't help you at all because they became useless quickly, they only helped for less than half of the Stat. Exp total!
But here's the thing: I love the concept! The idea of having 3 monsters each, with the same level, where only your strategy, knowdlege and adaptibility can take you out of trouble, sounds great!
Even more, maybe if you got something worth your time as a reward it could be even more fun!
That's why a good chunk of the effort of this hack was about trying to balance types, moves, Pokémon and such. And also why the Battle Tower got so many changes!
So let's list the changes:
For starters, each of the ten Levels of the Tower got their Pokémon changed, both to update the new stats, but also to give much, much needed variety to the types of monsters you would see, as originally the game sported just a small number of different species.
Instead of 7 battles per round, now you have quicker rounds of 3. This makes for a much more brisk pace, a far less frustrating event if you lose, and easier to pick up and play.
About difficulty, it should still be a good challenge, although this time, there is some balance, as now you can properly train your monsters through vitamins and fruits, TMs hold a good selection of high-Power moves and they're infinite and of course DVs/IVs are the same for everybody.
Oh, and you can remember old moves, too!
There's also two Shops available for players, in which you can buy a selection of Held Items so you can prepare yourself to challenge the Tower, or to progress through the game, as trainers will start using Held Items more and more once you reach this point in the game.
Up to that point is the basic stuff... But the Battle Tower has also opened several shops and services, and there's even a bit of a progression system built into it, too!
Whenever you participate in the Battle Tower and come out victorious, you'll be rewarded a new type of Item: Battle Medals!
You get three for each victiorous round (so each three battles).
These objects are, basically, the coin of exchange for almost any service inside the Battle Tower. They are stored in your Item Pocket and can be used in a variety of ways.
For one, they're pricey objects, each one sells for 12.000P, thus they can cover costs for training Pokémon. Selling all 3 you win nets you 36.000P, which is pretty good if you realize you can buy enough Vitamins to fully feed a Pokémon in three different Stats (or four if you use Special Atk/Def Vitamins!).
So two good rounds of Battle Tower lets you set up the Stat Exp. of a Pokémon really, really quickly! Or you can buy other stuff with it, too. But that's just a bonus compared to their real use!
In the Main Hall of the Battle Tower, a new Receptionist hangs out close to the Battle Tower's usual lady that takes you to the battles themselves. This new NPC can reward you with a Silver or Gold Trophy in exchange for a number of Battle Medals. They're shiny decorations for your room... And hold some use.
The Battle Tower has been expanded and now there are new rooms that host several services. One of them, and one I'm rather excited to manage to put in the game is a Reward Shop that exchanges Battle Medals for Special Eggs!
Do you remember the event Pokémon from the Stadium games?
They were gifted to you after accomplishing something, and in Stadium 2, they had moves they couldn't learn normally. It was a nice little thing, and always made me feel curious about Pokémon with Moves that couldn't learn normally. You know, what new strategies could I come up with and such.
This service is located in a room behind the Main Hall. There, a Receptionist will take one of your Battle Medals and will gift you an Egg with a special Pokémon that knows a unique move!
There's a total of 50 different species you can get through these Eggs, and the one you get for each medal is selected at random. And every species has the same chances, no dishonest stuff like 0.0001% to get a certain Pokémon, like a Gatcha game.
Oh, and if you're one of those, don't waste your time resetting trying to get Shiny Pokémon from these Eggs... Believe me, it won't work.
Another service is the inclusion of Move Tutors!
There are two Tutors and each one can teach 4 Moves each. Seven of those are unique to Tutors, with an Eighth Move being Toxic, a TM you get veeery late, so I added it for earlier access, as some Pokémon (like defensive ones) do benefit from it or need it to work well.
Tutor Moves can only be learnt by Fully Evolved Pokémon, and you can do so only in exchange for one Battle Medal.
The move selection is composed of Non-Damaging moves to give more utility and so they can be applied to all Pokémon in one way or another, unlike damaging moves, and I would have liked to have more, but I hit the limit before the entire game gets corrupt, so these will have to do!
Both of these features not only offer much, much better rewards for your victories in the Battle Tower, ones that not only can be enjoyed throughout the rest of the game making it more entertaining, but also give you a chance to get a few monsters earlier and gives new possibilites to make teams to challenge the Battle Tower too.
...And that's not all you can do here now!
Besides normal Move Tutors, the Battle Tower has also hired a very special NPC: The Egg Elder... Or in other words, an Egg Move Tutor!
Basically, in exchange for 3 Battle Medals, this old man can teach a Pokémon an Egg Move that its evolution line can learn through breeding with other Pokémon!
And yes, any member. Pidgeot and Pidgeotto can learn moves that a bred Pidgey could hinerit, so no worries on that front!
This way you won't longer feel like your early-game teammates (or any Pokémon for that matter) feel gimped or "lesser" because don't have this or that move only available through breeding.
In a way it's like every species has its own specific Tutor Moves!
But let's continue.
The receptionist in the main hall (the one who gives trophies) also offers a new Key Item: The Box Changer. It does what it says, it gives you the ability to switch the Box on Bill's PC anywhere you want. Just remember that you still save your game when changing boxes this way.
Once you reach the "endgame", meaning, after defeating Red, two other Receptionists will open up new services. And are neat ones!
The first one is a Rare Candy shop! You will be able to exchange one Battle Medal for 5 Rare Candies. This will let you manage the Levels of your Pokémon faster, either to battle the new Lvl 100 Rematches, or to Level up your monsters to reach the Levels required for Battle Tower Rooms.
The other, it's quite different but way more interesting too.
You see, a new group of candies capable of changing the Level of a Pokémon to a fixed one now exist! There's Candies for Levels 10, 30, 50 and 80!
No matter what Level the monster is, it will change into the Level of the Candy!
If you give a Level 30 Candy to a Level 4 Pokémon, it will become Level 30. And If you give a Level 30 Candy to a Level 82 Pokémon, it will also become Level 30!
This is mostly for a reason: To be able to use your favourite pals in any Level of the Battle Tower!
Once a Pokémon Level goes up, it no longer can access the Battle Rooms of lower Levels, and if you wanted to use a monster of a specific species you already raised, you were forced to train another one. But no longer you will need to do that!
Now any Pokémon can battle in any Battle Room by using these new Candies in combination with Rare Candies, and you can perfectly control the level of your team for this challenge while also needing a bit of a resource (Battle Medals) to make use of it.
Not to mention, Level 80 Candies can make HUGE time savers for training Pokémon for those Level 100 Rematches, specially if we're talking about bred Pokémon, or Pokémon from Battle Tower's Special Eggs!
Now, be warned, you CAN NOT make use of all these features from the beginning!
Remember those Trophies I talked about? Yeah, they do more than look nice in your room. Each one unlocks features of the Tower!
Once you win the Silver Trophy, you unlock: Move Tutors  (Accessible the moment you get the Trophy). Rare Candy Shop  (You need to beat Red too). Level 30 Candies (Accessible the moment you get the Trophy). Level 50 Candies (You need beat the Elite Four too).
Once you win the Gold Trophy, you unlock: Egg Move Tutor   (Accessible the moment you get the Trophy). Level 80 Candy   (You need to beat Red too).
So yeah, you must prove yourself and get the Trophies to use all the Battle Tower has to offer.
But don't fret! There's not really much grinding to do. You'll see that the number of Medals needed to obtain each is pretty reasonable for what they unlock.
The game does not ask for hundreds of them for each, not even close! I know how tedious is to collect Battle Points for an Item or one-time use TM back in Generation IV.
And hey, if for some reason you still need a bit of a push, you can win Battle Medals by participating on Buena's Password.
They cost 2 points, you can get one Medal every two days. It's a much slower pace than actually fighting, but it certainly adds up if you play often.
And you also get a handful of them in Kanto, a certain NPC will gift you a bunch if you manage to do something, and some Gym Leaders will gift you one too.
Lastly, also in Kanto, there's the Trainer House.
Originally it was a cool little feature in which you could battle the Pokémon Team that a friend had when you two did a Mistery Gift.
Because I don't expect people going around doing IR connections with a Romhack, the Trainer House has been changed around.
I really don't want to say much, but here's this:
Normally, you can battle a special Trainer daily in this building. But once you've beaten the strongest trainer in all the land, levels are raised, and you can take Lvl 100 battles... With the difference that the Pokémon used in these new battles change depending on the day of the week!
And if you win, you also obtain Battle Medals!
It's a little extra end-game thing alongside the other end-game additions.
o-------------------o |[12] Visual Changes| o-------------------o
Many, many visual changes have been made throughout the game to make the world a bit more cohesive, to make Pokémon look better, or to simple improve stuff here and there.
Pretty much every Pokémon not named Unown got their colors changed, for ones that look better, closer to the original colors of a particular species, and also got their sprites touched up and cleaned up.
Because the games were originally designed to be displayed on the tiny screen of a GB, the graphic artists would try and take advantage to use the 4 colors available to a Pokémon sprite to give it more details. With the advent of the GBC, now they could use colors too, and because the screen wasn't backlighted, they needed to use stronger, more saturated and often darker colors.
The issue is that nowadays these games are pretty much always played on backlighted screens that are also much, much bigger than the original Game Boy's screen, so these graphics that originally looked fine now I don't find they've aged as well with the ways we play them today.
Now, let's be fair here. This is not a criticism for the sprites or the artists. These sprites were made to be seen under a specific hardware, and they worked with what they had, and the gigantic jump in design quality from Generation 1 to Generation 2 is to be applauded.
But at the same time, I think it's fair to say that there's nothing that says they can not be revised and/or improved. That's why I took the horridly tedious job of cleaning up every single sprite (and each of their animated frames) to make them look more clean when played on bigger screens.
I also took the liberty to tweak many of the colors used for Shiny Pokémon. This is something I've seen many people point out throughout the years, and it's true that the use of color for Shiny palettes leaves quite a bit to be desired, with many Pokémon being painted with what I saw called "Puke Green", and others having really dark and simply not appealing combinations of colors that sometimes would make the sprites look worse.
Several of those examples could be Blastoise, Raichu, Aipom or Golbat, and this last one even gets its shading screwed up. Or something like Rhydon, that looks exactly like the official art, while its normal color is much darker; with Pokémon like Phanpy, Sunkern, Xatu, Scyther and others looking very similar to their default colors.
Just have in mind I'm working with the limitations of the GBC and 4 Colors per sprite, so I do what I can do, although it's surprising what nice colors the GBC can display compared to the ones they used, but of course, I'm not doing this to be seen on real hardware, so I do not have that limitation.
You can check a couple of examples in the pictures inside the RAR file for both, sprite improvements and Shiny changes.
I also improved all the Back Sprites too, to keep consistency. And some Pokémon got entirely different sprites, such as Mr. Mime, or Wigglytuff, as there was better designs elsewhere, like Mr. Mime's Silver sprite. It's so much better in my eyes. And yes, they have animations.
Oh, and a handful of Pokémon got redesigns here and there. Don't panic, the changes where made only to humanoid Pokémon to remove incoherent stuff like Machoke and Machamps' underwear or the boxing gear of Hitmonchan.
This is because as time has passed it "snowballed" into a gigantic ball of nonsense. Now, it's not that I hate Pokémon with human-made things on them, for example we could make logical arguments on why they have them in the first place.
Very early Pokémon (back when it was Capsule Monsters) had a lot of very... morally dubious stuff in it. Trainers had whips, the monsters were sold in cages and there was a pretty clear aura of animal abuse in it all. The artwork was intriguing... And a bit worrying.  
When you find out about that stuff it can make sense that humans would put things to restrict their Pokémon like the "strength-reducing" underwear for the Machop tree. Who knows, maybe that's why Pokémon such as Primeape have what looks like shackles on their limbs too.
And back in generation 1, there was only ONE Hitmonchan, given to you by a human. We can simply think the objects it wears are given to it by that person, and it would make sense. Jynx is also another Pokémon which can only be received once, also given by a human and looks like one, maybe there's something going on too.
And all those examples would be fine but then they're turned into nonsense when you can find these Pokémon living in nature with all that stuff on them, or they magically appear when evolving. It just feels... dumb to me, it is something that I could see other developers adress in different ways, but here they just where completely forgotten.
Because this thing is tailored-made for me, I decided to change it.  
And talking about Jynx, when the beta sprite leaked from Red & Green leaks among others, it was pretty exciting to see that this Pokémon once upon a time was very different, with more of a yeti-like design, which can be traced to  japanese Kaiju tv shows, like many early Pokémon designs such as Nidoking (look up Baragon). It apparently had a name that was a very easy to see nudge at Ultraman.
You can read about it here (and also see a bit of the darker Capsule Monsters stuff I mentioned above, but you can also search for early concept art):
https://helixchamber.com/2019/02/16/what-dreams-may-come/
During the development of the hack I went so far as to create sprites to change Jynx into this Yeti-thing, but as time went on I did not feel very satisfied, it felt like a random addition that felt out of place.
I thought of going back to the original Jynx, but I ended sending the entire evolutionary line away and substituting it with another Ice Pokémon from the third Generation.  
...Anyway, moving on from that, each species has its own unique icon on the menu and the overworld too, which is a great thing to give flavour to the game, and seems like a new standard for Pokémon Crystal hacks (with good reason).
The overworld also got some big changes to improve visually, and sometimes, gameplay wise. Besides visuals, some places also changed in design a bit, for a number of different reasons.
For example some Kanto cities had their design changed to look more on par with Johto, as if you compare maps between places, and Gen. 1 and 2, you'll see they kinda look off and weird, as if it didn't have the same time and effort put into it compared to Johto (they didn't).
Places like Celadon and Fuchsia City for example look rather different, although they keep their overall structure, they just got a bit more going for them.
Also there's a few improvements on sprites. For example, I drew new sprites for when you're surfing, similar to those in Gen 3 with your character over a undefined Pokémon. And yes, they're different for both the male and female player characters.
There's also HUGE CHANGES in how information is displayed in several points, with the biggest improvement being the Pokémon's Stats Page. It took me quite some time to get it to look nicer and more organized / easier to read, and I even expanded it by adding a fourth Stat Screen to show some extra "for fun" info.
The font was also changed for a thin yet wider one, to make it less empty between letters, and also more consistent with the different characters, like numbers.
Also, HUGE, HUGE thanks to HyperDriveGuy's amazing work and effort, a way of improving the scrolling and movement on the overworld to make it much more smooth and, to be blunt, less disgustingly choppy if you're used to smooth scrolls.
This change to me is like magic, it makes the game feel so much better! To be fair, finding this improvement refueled my interest in continuing this hack, so thanks again HyperDriveGuy, your work is not just great, it also really did drive this guy forward, pun no intended... Or maybe a bit.
That said, coding this introduced some bugs, some of them harmless, and others being progress-halting or even game-breaking. But fret not, as I managed to fix them all with a bit of work, some trial and error, an a lot of luck, but it was all worth it because the result is a much more fluid experience that translates into a more fun game.
Overall, the game uses much less aggressive colors too, because 99% of the people that may play this (which that would make a total of 4 to 5 individuals, probably) will do it on a lighted screen. Also there's little touches here and there.
Another tiny change that makes a bit of a difference in the long run is battle effects. Most of them on Gen 2 used the same palette: Gray tones! Well, that's not that way anymore.
Most of the effects now have color added to them, and make battles look a bit more fun. A few effects were changed visually, even. For example, Pokémon no longer see "chickens" when confused. Now Pidgeys fly around their poor heads!
The Trainer's card also got a bit prettier, specially the Badges section. Oh, I also added a third page to your Trainer's Card, showing your progress through Kanto's Gyms. You only need to press Right while on Johto's Badge screen when you get at least one Badge from Kanto!
Asymmetrical Badges also spin correctly. Funny enough, the game has coded that function in, but it is only assigned to a medal that was symetrical (Clair's badge). Sounds silly, but once you start seeing Game Freaks coding it's... Actually par for the course, in a way.
o-----------------------o |[13] Tips and Questions| o-----------------------o
Tips: ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ What type of beginning you want? Each starter is going to change your early hours.
Taking in mind how things work in the Original version of this hack, Cyndaquil would make your first steps more easy than the other two, as his Fire/Rock typing would make him effective against the first two Gyms, while Chikorita's Grass/Ground typing would make it a bit harder than normal. Totodile, with its Water/Ice typing would be a medium difficulty.
But of course, the point of the game is to make more friends and balance your team! You could also ignore the starters and make your team without them. That's how I usually roll.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ You can get an Exp. Share very early on.
Once you brought the Egg to Prof. Elm, and you're ready to go away on your adventure, go back home and leave 2.000P with your mother. Once you battle once (With Youngster Joey on Route 30), she will call you, telling you she bought something for you. It can come in handy this early!
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ Talking about saving with your mother, she will buy many useful items, so it's in your best interest to send her money from the beginning!
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ During your first few Gyms, look for people in green clothes near the towns and cities' main Sign. These people will sell to you Berries to heal Status Effects!
They will come in handy to prepare against the trainers and leaders there!
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ Don't waste your Fruits and Vitamins without having in mind what team you want! This becomes more important the further you go, because NPC trainers will have trained Pokémon either you've raised your own properly or not.
As you get more money, or get more fruits you'll be able to quickly prepare Pokémon, but early on you need to think ahead.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ Talking about team, while I tried to make all Pokémon good and be on the same Level, that doesn't change the fact that having a balanced team can make things smoother.
Making a team of only slow, defensive Pokémon, or only quick but frail monsters can make things harder for you at certain points. Although, of course, you could just play with your favourites and tough it up. That's what I usually do.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ Take advantage of Pokémon such as Meowth or Spearow, capable of learning stealing moves! They will help you to get ahold of many items, that you can either use or sell to make a profit.
Also, be aware of said Pokémon, as they may steal something you have!
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ Experiment! Because TMs are infinite, HM moves can be forgotten easily, and you have access to the Move Reminder freely, you're given the chance to try all sorts of combinations for a given species. Not to mention, the further you advance through the Battle Tower, the more options you'll have through Move Tutors and the Egg Elder to teach new moves, thus increasing the number of strategies for each species!
You'll only need to watch out for "Event" moves, such as the Odd Egg Pokémon, or the Special Eggs gifted in the Battle Tower, as each have a unique move and you cannot remind it if forgotten.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ Check the Game Corner on Goldenrod when you arrive!
They've expanded the number of prices you can get. For one, you can get HP restoring Berries there, with Golden Berries being really useful early on, and they're not that expensive.
Even more, new species of Pokémon have been added, and they're Pokémon hard to come by during the early parts of the adventure! ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ Can you get every single Pokémon in the game? How can I get Mew?
Yes, of course, what would be the point of a Pokémon Hack if you couldn't get every monster available in it by yourself?
There's a lot more variety early on, both so you can get your team-making juices boil sooner, and because different people like different monsters, and having a bigger variety helps with making more people happy.
Although for Mew, you'll have to buy my exclusive and new Park Ball Plus and send it to your game through my exclusive Park Ball Plus-To-GBC Link Cable(tm), or upload it to my exclusive service PokéMaeson Hostage Holdings, previous payment of course, and then you can connect your game magically to it through Infrared connection.
Really, it just works. Wait, are you going to play this on an emulator? Tough luck then, no Mew for you.
...Nah, it's somewhere in the game, you just have to find it, like the rest.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ Are you going to do more Pokémon Hacks?
Niet. Nee. Ahneo. Tidak. Nej. Nope.
...What I mean is, don't count on that. The amount of time I put into this is so big that I could have made several other things, the testing has been killing me the most. I have   reached the point of burnout, I've been working on this almost on a daily basis for years. You can't imagine how many times this thing has been reworked and changed over time. Beyond that, my love for the franchise has pretty much being forced to disappear.
And even if I wanted to do more, I wouldn't be able to use any other disassembly project thanks to current DevkitPro versions being incompatible with 32 Bit systems; I'm not going to get a new computer only to do more of this, and going back to the older "Hacking Tools" is not a very welcoming idea, mostly because they're so much more limited and risky to use.  
So, sorry but no, I have no intention, I have no energy, I have no passion for it anymore. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- --------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
o------------o |[13] Credits| o------------o This wouldn't exist without a lot of people involved with the Pokémon Rom hacking community.  
Thanks and Credits to every single person on PRET, a community dealing with disassembly for many Pokémon games. These projects look like THE WAY going forward, how awesome they are.
Check it Here: https://github.com/pret -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Thanks and Credits to Rangi42, and all people on places like the Skeetendo and Pokecommunity forums, and many others that shared their findings and information about ASM, going so far to make great tutorials to teach stupid people like me how to do do a whole lot of things, fix several of the bugs in the game, and many other things.
Check it here: https://github.com/pret/pokecrystal   https://hax.iimarckus.org ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Oh, and of course, credits and thanks to Rangi42 again for Polished Map, an amazing utility for map editing, very complete and absolutely essential.
Check it here: https://github.com/Rangi42/polished-map -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Thanks and Credits to the TPP Anniversary Crystal 251 Project to create the code for the Move Reminder, which I adapted to my hack. I couldn't even have known where to start with it, and my hack is only better thanks to it. Also for giving me an idea of how to make Caught Data be shown in the Stats Page. My approach to how the information is displayed is different, but again, without TPP I couldn't have know where to start.
Check it Here: https://github.com/TwitchPlaysPokemon/tppcrystal251pub -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Thanks and Credits to HyperDriveGuy for its example and implementation of "60 Frames per second" project, which created a new way of programming a Run Button, but even more incredible, it made the scrolling of the game as you walk, run, and ride so, so much more smooth. It's amazing.
Check it here: https://github.com/hyperdriveguy/pokecrystal-60fps-example -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Thanks to Chamber, Soloo993, Blue Emerald, Lake, Neslug and Pikachu25 for their Pokemon Icons. While I did a number of them myself, I also used a good amount made by them, and also remade some of them from their initial work, so they deserve the credits!
You can see their work here: https://github.com/pret/pokecrystal/wiki/screenshots/minidex.gif https://raw.githubusercontent.com/wiki/pret/pokecrystal/screenshots/minidex.png
Also, if you play my hack and find any of the icons or tweaked sprites I made good enough to use it yourself, go right ahead. Just give credit and you're good to go, don't even ask. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Credits and Special thanks to Vice04 for helping me test my hack over the years. May you never be assaulted by Level 168 Slowbros ever again.  
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Music Credits:
Credits to FroggestSpirit for "Hoenn Wild Battle" and  "Hoenn Trainer Battle" themes.
You can find FroggestSpirit music in this Soundcloud link, check it out: https://soundcloud.com/froggestspirit -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Credits to Mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm for "Hoenn Rival Battle", "Route 101", "Cipher Peon Battle", "X/Y Rival", "Hoenn Champion Battle" and "Shoal Cave" themes.
You can find Mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm music in this Soundcloud link, check it out: https://soundcloud.com/mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm-1 -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Credits to TriteHexagon for his Night Theme music for cities and his tutorial on how to implement them in the game. His ASM files and his Soundcloud can be found here:
https://pastebin.com/u/TriteHexagon https://soundcloud.com/user-930339535 --------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
I hope I'm not forgetting anyone, it's way too much people hacking around the world!
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rhnuzlocke · 4 years
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Chapter Nine: It’s Not Easy
Ren sat on a long beam of driftwood, worn smooth by sand and surf and bleached bone-white by sun and salt. Foam drifted across the sand, and whitecaps gleamed out behind the rolling breakers. The sunset played pink and orange across the glittering water, and red flashed across the sand as Ren released her team from their pokeballs, all except for Akahana.
“Those people who were after the Devon prototype came after it again. Steven kept us out of the battle, but it set off some wild pokemon and Akahana was badly injured protecting me.”
“Is she alright? Where is she?” Iki demanded with a shrill edge of worry.
“There was some internal bleeding, so the doctors are keeping her overnight for observation, but her prognosis is good. No battling for a week to make sure the cracked ribs mend well, but she should be released tomorrow morning.”
They all seemed relieved, except for Hakeka, who just looked around at the others. Then, all Ren could see was Akahana shifting and wincing on her gurney—downplaying her injuries despite the pain she was in. Ren couldn't decide if Akahana was trying to spare her or if she was afraid. She couldn’t decide which was worse. The Poochyena had seemed startled by Ren's apology and agreed to remain on the team without the slightest hesitation.
“I'm so sorry. I should never have taken the job.”
“There's no need for that,” said Panahi, nudging her arm with a wing. “None of us blame you, Honey. It was just an accident. These things happen.”
“I bought us here and then I panicked! If I had done what I was supposed to do and recalled her in time, she wouldn’t have gotten hurt!”
“Battling is dangerous sometimes. We all know that,” chirped Māia. “Akahana knew what she was signing up for.”
“Yeah, you sent me out,” said Tāraki. “And you helped me evolve to fight the rest of the wilds off. You’re a good trainer!”
“I think you’re being a bit hard on yourself,” said Panahi with a tilt of her head. “I know I just lectured you about taking responsibility, but there is a difference between that and blaming yourself for things you can’t control.”
Ren’s eyes fell and her face tightened. She bit her lower lip and said nothing.
Iki stepped forward. “I understand if this scares you. Battling still scares me a little. But I don’t think you’re a bad trainer and we are a lot safer with you than we would be alone.”
“Thank you. I’ll do better next time, I promise.” Her team shared a few glances and Panahi sighed, shuffling her wings. “In any event, we’ll be here a few days at least while Akahana recovers. I was thinking we could challenge the gym here. Māia, I know you missed out last time, so I want to give you the opportunity to take the lead on this one.”
“Hell yeah!”
“Do you mind backing her up, Ahi?”
“Not at all, Honey.”
“Great! I’m gonna wade in the surf for a bit. You gals can all relax.”
Ren got up and went down to the water, trying not to run. It took a few moments, but Iki and Tāraki came to join her. The wind carried Hakeka’s chattering from up the beach.
“I think we are ready for the gym,” Panahi answered, “but I’m a little worried about her.”
...
Ren and her pokemon stood in front of the Dewford gym. It wasn't nearly as dramatic as Rustboro, but interesting nonetheless. The building was a ring of interlocking aluminum plates set on stilts above the sand to keep it above the storm surge. Ren could see the circular sand battlefield through the struts and what was probably a retractable roof folded neatly above the structure, waiting for inclement weather to be deployed. But for now, all was bathed in warm, sparkling sunlight.
“I know we won’t all be battling,” Ren said as she looked up the long stairs to the door, “but I would like everyone to stay out and watch.” Ren turned back to her pokemon, and her eyes caught on the bandages around Akahana’s middle. Blue scales, an IV line, and a gurney she can barely see over swims through her vision before she forces it back. “We’re a team so we are going to do this together.”
“Yeah! Go team!” Tāraki crowed.
Panahi and Hakeka rolled their eyes at his enthusiasm, but Māia whistled in agreement. Iki just hunkered down on the sand, face tilted down. Ren wished she knew how to help her. She'd figure something out after they won this badge.
After registering, they waited in the arena as a few trainers assembled to face them. Ren took off her boots to feel the warm sand between her toes. She stretched up and down, then side to side.
“Māia, do you want to warm up on a few of these guys?”
“Nope. I’m ready. Tāraki can have them.”
“Yes!” Tāraki pumped his fist.
There was another conversation between your pokemon during the trainer matches that I think it may benefit you to hear.
“Oh, well go ahead then. I’ll circle back to my point.”
The rest of the team watched as Tāraki squared off with a Mienfoo, Māia whistling encouragement while Hakeka eyed him critically. Iki crouched, stirring swirls into the sand with her foot. She glanced up at Akahana, who was observing the battle with her usual passive expression. Akahana’s eyes slid over to her and Iki squirmed for another moment before breaking the silence.
“I—it’s just—We’re supposed to be a team, but I can hardly even talk to Māia and Ahi.” Iki’s black eyes lingered on Akahana’s bandages. “I’m not strong enough to be any help when things go wrong.” She sunk down onto the sand, making herself small. “I don’t know why Ren keeps me around.”
Akahana looked back as Ren cheered Tāraki to land a final blow on the Mienfoo. He ran back to her, and she hugged him.
“I think I was wrong before.”
Iki looked back up at Akahana, body tilted in question, and Akahana met her eyes.
“When you asked me for advice, I told you to look out for yourself, and I stand by that. But I don’t think she is going to get rid of us.”
“I don’t think so either,” Iki murmured, bringing her legs in even closer.
Akahana sighed and then pinned her ears for a moment at the pain it caused her. She turned back to the battlefield where Tāraki was facing off with a Timburr.
“Pokemon like us will always have a disadvantage. But not everyone on the team has to be equally strong. None of us can compete with Tāraki now that he’s evolved.”
Taraki caught the Timburr’s driftwood log with a big grin and threw it back at his opponent.
“There will always be someone stronger.”
Tāraki did a high backflip to dodge the next blow, but wasn’t used to his new form and landed wrong.
“But that only means that we have to work harder.”
Tāraki clutched at his arm for a moment, but grit his teeth and landed a Fury Cutter with his good arm. The Timburr fell to the sand.
“I know what it’s like to feel weak.”
Tāraki tried not to grimace as Ren felt his injured arm for a break.
“I know it feels like you’ll never be good enough, but bugs grow fast.”
Tāraki grudgingly agreed to yield the remainder of the battles and Panahi strutted forward to take his place.
“You will catch up.”
Tears welled in Iki’s small, black eyes and the tension started to fall from her posture. “T-thank you, Akahana. I’ve never had such a good friend.”
Akahana pulled her head back and blinked in surprise, but Iki smiled as tears ran down her face and dripped into the warm sand. Slowly and hesitantly, Akahana leaned down, pausing before nudging Iki’s helm gently with her nose. Iki smiled even brighter and stretched up to rub on Akahana’s chin, wiping her tears away with a slender limb.
Are you alright?
“Mmm. I’ll be fine. You had to know this was coming.”
Yes. You did warn me you were—what was that phrase you used? Unbearably sentimental?
“Shut it.”
Panahi finished battling the remaining pokemon uninjured, and Ren realized how tight her shoulders had been as they started to relax. She threw a glance at Tāraki and did a few quick stretches, rolling her head until her neck clicked.
A man with sun-bleached hair, a rash guard, and board shorts sauntered into the ring and waited in the middle for her. He tipped down his big, orange shades as she drew close, and a huge toothy grin split his face.
“Reeeen! I didn’t know you were coming my way!” He stowed his sunglasses atop his head and thrust out a hand. His handshake was heavy but relaxed. “Pleasure to finally meetcha, dude! What brings you to Dewford?”
“I had an errand to run.”
“Awww! That’s no fun!” He had no idea. Ren strained to keep smiling. “Glad you decided to drop in.” But she must have given something away, because his own grin fell just a little and his eyes narrowed slightly for an instant. “Hey, you wouldn’t want to come out surfing with us tonight? It’s a full moon, clear skies. Should be pretty sweet!”
“Yeah. That sounds nice.”
“Most excellent!” The toothy grin was back full force.
“Although, I don’t really know how.”
“It’s cool, dude. I’ll bring some of my tamer boards for you.”
“Thank you.”
“No prob! So you here for your second badge? Roxanne told me you totally killed your first, so I'm pumped to face ya. Who’re you gonna use to throw down?
“Māia,” Ren said as the Taillow flew to her shoulder. Māia flashed her wings and chirped in challenge.
Brawly raised his eyebrows. “Aight then! She seems ready to rumble!”
They parted to make room for the battle and Brawly sent out a Meditite. Behind him, more of the gym trainers had gathered and were talking while they watched, but the breeze carried their words away. Ren took a deep breath and focused on Māia.
“Time to show us your moves, little birdie!” Brawly called. “Hua, Feint!”
“Up and outta there, Māia!”
The Meditite sprinted forward and Māia took to the air, narrowly dodging its attack.
“Let’s put a lid on that fancy flying. Confusion!”
Māia came swooping around towards the Meditite, prepping for an attack, but she managed to roll aside just in time to miss the oncoming psychic waves.
“Yes! Now Peck!”
Māia instantly corrected her flight path. She dropped onto the Meditite’s head, dealt a sharp blow with her beak, and took back off again in one fluid movement. The Meditite wobbled, but stayed upright.
“Wing Attack!”
Māia barreled into her turn and came at the Meditite like an arrow, wings glowing light blue. The Meditite crossed its arms in a guard but went careening back as Māia’s strike hit home. Māia landed hard, sand spraying as she skid to a stop in front of her trainer. Without even bothering to turn around, she struck a pose, assured of her victory. Sure enough, the Meditite stayed down. Ten tried not to grin quiet as smugly.
Brawly chuckled. “That’s a righteous Taillow you got there! Let’s see if she can handle something a bit tougher!” He withdrew his Meditite and sent out a Machop. “Kick it off with a Karate Chop, Motu!”
“Parry with a Wing Attack!”
The Machop jumped forward, open hand glowing, and Māia spun to meet it with a glowing wing. The two limbs met and both pokemon slid back from the force of the impact.
“Get some momentum and use Steel Wing!”
Māia sprung into the air, quickly building speed as she swept around the ring.
“Wait for it��” Brawly cautioned, and his Machop froze and tensed. Māia dove. “Seismic toss!”
The Machop caught Māia by one glinting wing, using her own momentum to sling her at the gym walls above them. Māia tumbled through the air without a modicum of control.
“Tuck your wings!” Ren commanded in the voice that always gripped her, strong and sharpened sure. Māia obeyed in almost the same instant, spinning even faster without the resistance. “Open!” Māia opened her wings, and slowed enough to turn sharply before she met the wall. “Wing attack!”
The change in course had left Māia diving towards the ground, but she angled up just in time to level off a few feet from the floor. She arrowed straight for her target.
“Karate Chop!”
The Machop braced, hands at the ready, but Māia changed course at the last second. The Machop’s strike sliced through the air where she would have been, and Māia’s wing struck it in the opposite shoulder. The combined momentum set it spinning on its heel before its toes snagged and sent it face first into the sand. Māia used her remaining momentum to vault back up, flip gracefully in the air, and touch back down in between Brawly and his fallen Machop.
“Alright, alright,” Brawly laughed as he withdrew his second pokemon. “I’ve got a bigger challenge for you.” He sent out a Makuhita, and it flexed, thick layer of fat rolling over the muscles beneath. Māia spread her wings and let out a challenging cry in response.
“Bulk Up, Mauī!”
“Wing Attack!”
Māia shot forward as the Makuhita breathed in, entire body glowing. Māia aimed for its chest, but the Makuhita stretched up and out, and Māia hit its stomach instead. She bounced off and tumbled head over tail before landing on her back. She groaned but righted herself.
“Arm thrust!”
Before Māia had a chance to breathe, the Makuhita darted forward with shocking speed, mits glowing brightly. Māia got her wings up to shield herself in time but went sliding back from the impact.
“Parry with Steel Wing!”
Māia met the Makuhita’s next punch with a solid metal wing. She caught its second fist too, and it withdrew its hands, hissing is pain. Māia was puffing, and her wings were drooping, but she grinned smugly. Suddenly, the Makuhita surprised them all by throwing one last punch. Māia was caught completely off guard and went flying back.
Ren clenched her fists. No. They weren’t done yet.
“Nice hustle! One last Knock-Off ought to finish it!”
The Makuhita nodded and lunged forward.
They could still win this.
“Boomburst!”
Māia righted herself, dug in, and let loose. The attack always started deceptively quiet—a whistling as the air came together and the pressure massed—before blooming into something so loud Ren could feel it in her bones. The Makuhita hit the wall of sound as if it were solid and bowled over backwards, rolling twice before sinking into the sand. It lay there and groaned, the ring of aluminum walls still resonating around them.
Ren resonated too. Her own magic was in it—her strength leant to her pokemon and their power combined into one overwhelming show of force. A wild joy had seised her and her heart thrummed in her chest.
“Whoa,” Brawly muttered with a yawn, rubbing at his ear.
Ren whistled, and Māia flew to her raised arm. “You did it! The undefeated streak continues!”
“Of course!” Māia chirped. “As if I’d lose to a fighting-type.”
Ren failed to stop a laugh, the giddy warmth of her inner fire bubbling over. “A little humility! They put up a good fight.”
“Yes, worthy opponents.”
“Whooey!” Brawly called, and they looked up to see him on his way over. “That was something else! Congrats you two!”
Ren grinned, and Māia dipped her head.
“Here’s the Knuckle Badge.” He slapped it into her palm. “I gotta tell ya, a lot of trainers come in here with a Taillow or a Wingull or some other little flyer and expect to breeze through on type advantage alone. We usually send those slackers packing. But you two blew us out of the water! Your Taillow’s got guts, and she really knows how to rumble! She’s a true fighter after my own heart. More importantly, ya really trained her well. I thought I had ya a couple times, but you two kept turning it back. Basically, I just wanted to say that you totally earned this badge.”
The thrill of it was still buzzing through her veins, and for one more moment all was as it should have been, as it once was. “Thank you.”
“Absolutely! Your talent and dedication is gonna keep you riding that big wave all the way to the top!”
“I used to want that. I wanted it so badly, but I hadn’t even let myself think about it until he said that. Actually, I still didn’t let myself think about it, not then. If I had, I might not have made it much further. I don’t even remember what I said back.”
Ren clutched her arm. She could barely hear past the chaotic rhythm in here ears.
“You take care now!” Brawly called after her. “And don’t forget to eat dinner early! There’s no hurling on my boards!”
Ren managed a laugh through the tight ache in her throat. “Will do!”
...
There were no lights on the beach at night and not many still on in town, but the moon shone brightly. The sand was cast in silver, and the breakers flashed against the dark, glittering water. About a dozen people and their pokemon were gathered around a fire pit when Ren and her team arrived at the agreed-upon spot. Almost all of them were young women around Ren’s age garbed in wet suits or rash guards with varied fighting-types milling between them. Ren wondered if she should have sprang for a rash guard as well, but her two-piece was quite secure. Besides, if observation had taught her anything, it was that the people of Hoenn had fewer qualms about showing skin than her homeland.
A cheer went up as the group caught sight of her, and they gathered round to offer fist bumps and introduce themselves. One asked if Māia was the legendary Taillow, and when Ren confirmed it, they all fell back and made a big show of bowing and groveling, arms outstretched. Māia puffed up, looking supremely pleased, and flexed her wings for them.
Brawly broke through the ring to elbow out a little space and presented her with a longboard. They paddled out, most of the company in tow, and Ren stayed floating past the breaking waves to watch and work on her balance. Many of the pokemon had come out to surf as well with their trainers or on their own boards.
Once Brawly had taken her through the basics and let her watch for a while, he had her kneel on his longboard while he took them in. She managed to stay on the board, and they splashed into the shallows to much applause. Tāraki danced around, yelling about how cool it was, so Brawly volunteered to take him out for a spin, while two of the women eagerly took over coaching Ren.
Soon Tāraki was given his own board, and he and Ren tried their luck side by side. They wiped-out but came up laughing and kept going. Tāraki got the hang of it pretty quick and crowed when he made his first successful run. He collected high-fives as he paddled back out and Ren laughed and laughed.
Why are we revising this particular evening? A sorely needed moment of relief?
“Yes, but there's more to it than that. It was just like judo and drumming and everything else I tried after I quit trainer school. It was fun, kept my body active and my mind quiet—an element of competition, a sense of camaraderie. I caught myself thinking I could be happy like that. Sometimes I still think I could have been a lot of things. But deep down the fire still burns. And when I try to hold the lid down, the pressure only builds. And the flames eat all my oxygen.”
Not long after her first successful run, Ren retired to the beach and sprawled out on the sand to dry. She continued to watch Tāraki’s antics and the incredibly impressive surfing of the women who had been showing her the ropes.
Her nav buzzed, and she opened it to find a text from Wally.
Are you okay?
Ren had to think about that for longer than she would have liked.
Yeah What's up?
(´▽`ʃƪ) I was watching the news and the Champ got ambushed in Granite Cave?? You said you were gonna be there and I got worried (·᷄ὢ·᷅) Kinda silly But I had to check
Not that silly actually I was there when it happened
(*゚ロ゚)
Steven took care of the battle so I wasn't in the middle of it or anything But Akahana got injured by a wild
Oh no!! Is she okay?
Ren looked up, and her eyes fell on the Poochyena. She had dug herself a little divot in the sand and was curled neatly inside with Iki nestled snugly atop her. Ren had never seen her that close to any of her teammates before.
Yeah
Thank goodness! Give her a big Ursaring hug from me ʕっ•ᴥ•ʔっ
The ghost of a smile pulled at Ren’s lips, and the beach fire flared as the wood resettled.
Will do
Ren almost slipped her nav back in her pocket before it pinged again.
Swerve But Did you meet the Champ?
Yep! We talked for a while before everything happened
Awesome! You're so lucky omg Or maybe it’s not such a big deal for you Since your dad's a gym leader Haha |´∀`●)
It was still cool Steven is really nice But not the first Champion I've met
(*〇□〇)……! Kaspa?
Yep
w(°o°)w ᵒᵐᵍᵎᵎᵎ What’s she like??
Uh Scary
(ᗒᗜᗕ) lol I bet
But also really interesting She’s fond my dad because he’s a Sekei League Victor, and they get along well She wrote him a letter of recommendation when he applied for Gym Leader here She has always been nice to me
That is so hecking cool!! (◎0◎) I’m losing my mind!
Are you settling in okay? How are things?
I’m great! My cousin’s fiancé is really nice Not as awk as I was afraid it would be And Rosalie gave me TWO pokemon! She found a Togekiss to pair her Roserade and bred me a Budew with battle lineage! She has Giga Drain/Natural Gift/Life Dew/Extrasensory Right out of the shell!! She’s so feisty! I love her so much! (灬♥ω♥灬) Her name is ♥Beatrice♥
Cute!
Then Rosalie swapped some favors with another breeder to get me a therapy Leafeon! Her name is Daphne and she is a professional™️ I feel like she’ll probably give me an earful when the understanding sets in ꉂ(ᵔ̴̶̤᷄ꇴ ᵔ̴̶̤᷅⌯))л̵ʱªʱª⁎*.* I’ve kinda been running around a lot more than I should But between Daph and the air up here I can actually breathe?? Like I can just Go outside? Whenever I feel like it?? Is this how other people live all the time? Faris and I have been training almost non-stop I mean I’ve had a few _(´□`」 ∠)_ episodes obv Just me doing stupid stuff I was so caught up in the euphoria of being able to walk around That for like a minute I lived in a world where my lungs were functional
This was quite the shift from the day they met, when he could barely bring himself to reference his illness, and Ren felt warmth flush out the rest of her surprise.
Oh geez we’ve hit the memes Sorry for rambling (o_ _)o
Dude this is all so fucking amazing I’m so happy for you! Gush as much as you want
(◜◒◝)♡
Haha Where are you getting all of these? Your texting style is wild
I have an app! ー(´▽`)ノ Maybe you should get one The way you type out every word is pwecious
I don’t even know the Kantogo abbreviations that well I’m sorry to say you’ve befriended a troglodyte
Obv
You know, you’re a lot bolder via text
Lol that’s cuz I have WAY more practice I’ve never had an irl friend before Just internet pals
Maybe you can make more now I’ll introduce you to Kai sometime He could use more friends too
Aw thank you! Actually You’re gonna be in Mauville soon right?
End of next week
Maybe we can meet up? I was planning on getting my first badge
Nice! It’s a date
٩(ˊᗜˋ*)و
“Even when we barely knew each other, he always had a way of centering me. It’s easy for most people to tell me not to worry so much. They don’t understand the risks, not all of them, not really. But without ever telling me how to feel—or saying anything at all—Wally has always said that it’s worth it anyway.”
And do you believe that now?
“You think I would be here if I didn’t?”
I wouldn’t be so certain. But perhaps you might have been less angry with me when I asked you for help.
“…Can’t argue that.”
Ren picked her head up in time to see Tāraki wipe out again, but he came up smiling and paddled right back out. Brawly gave him a high five and then rode in himself on the next good breaker. Some of the others were getting tired enough to settle around the fire. Brawly stuck his board in the sand and plopped down beside Ren.
“So, ya have fun?”
“Yeah! Everyone was so nice.”
Brawly nodded. “They’re a good bunch. And you made quite a splash.”
Ren leaned back on her arms and shot a smirk at him. “Metaphorically, or when I fell off your board?”
He laughed breezily, sliding deeper into his careless slouch. “The former. Everyone was asking if you’d show tonight.”
Ren looked away for a moment, at her pokemon resting in the sand, at the others gathering around the fire. Maybe it was a kind exaggeration. But their enthusiasm had felt quite genuine. Not that she needed to sort out what kind of enthusiasm it was. She’d be gone by tomorrow.
Her eyes found Tāraki in the surf, and her smile returned.
“Thanks for inviting me. Tāraki won’t forget this anytime soon. I think you gave him a new hobby.”
“Never seen a surfing Grovyle before. Usually they can’t stand the salt water.”
“He’s from a tiny island to the south. He said he and the other Treecko used to play in the tide pools and gather seaweed.”
“Far out.”
They were an unusual group, this bunch of surfing pokemon and trainers. On the surface it was nothing like her father’s gym, but perhaps there was one parallel to be drawn. While martial arts were more traditional—in Johto and Kanto at least—the surfing certainly had something to contribute. Strength and balance for one. And thinking back on her battle, there was something in the pokemon’s movements that resonated: energy harnessed and redirected, push and pull.
“You really get it. Usually I have to lay it out for people.”
“Well, maybe there’s something else you can explain to me?”
“Like what?”
Ren eyes flicked back over to the rest of the group. “I notice there are a lot of women in your gym.”
Brawly leaned back with a casual stretch. “Yeah, we keep it pretty steady at three to one.”
“It’s very unusual.”
“I know right?” Suddenly, he was up at attention, and his wide eyes glinted in the firelight. “Most fighting-type gyms are like total sausage fests. But it so doesn’t have to be like that! It’s not like there aren’t tons of ladies out there who like fighting-types. It can just be way harsh to train in a fighting gym if you’re a woman. That’s why I try to keep it chill and welcoming here. Seems to work.”
Ren thought that over for a moment. “Are you sure it’s not cause you’re, ya’know, super good looking?”
That triggered another breezy laugh, and he slicked back the damp hair that fell into his eyes. “I guess some of the trainers that come in are crushing on me or each other.” He shrugged. “I mean, we’re all here to train, so I try to keep the gymcest to a minimum, but I’ve got nothing against the people who just want to feel it out.” He sat back again and thought about it for another moment, and Ren sat forward, crossing her legs and waiting for him to continue. “It’s like, it doesn’t matter why you start something. As long as you work hard and have fun, what’s it really matter?”
“Hm. That’s… really cool, dude. You run a great gym.”
His face broke into a broad, toothy grin. “Thanks! That means a lot.”
They let the silence hang for a while, until Tāraki finally came trudging up the beach, too exhausted to continue. Brawly took back his board, and after a good rinse from Panahi, Tāraki went into his ball.
“You ready to join the rest?” Brawly asked her, jerking his head towards the fire.
“Yeah,” she replied, and they went together.
“I wasn’t sure why, but what he said resonated then. I was able to let go again for a while—think about the short term instead of what would happen when it all caught up with me.”
You’re still not sure if that was a positive.
“You’ve seen what happened. Maybe it didn’t help to dwell on the past, but ignoring the future didn’t exactly serve me well in the end.”
Even if it is not always the case, perhaps it is what you needed in that moment. There is a balance, as in all things.
“Hm. Maybe I’ll find it some day.”
I think you’ll find that you become a better seeker with every misstep.
“That’s a nice way to look at it. And yet… I suppose it was too much to hope a god of cycles might see an end.”
Well, then as a god of cycles, let me assure you, that you do not run in circles as much as you think you do.
“That does bring me some comfort.”
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heinousactszx · 4 years
Note
Top 3 generations? And best side game. This is for pokemon.
1. Gen V. It’s hard to explain all the reason i love black and white so much.i know that only having new pokemon was a controversial move, but i loved it. it genuinely made me feel like i was playing yellow for the first time all over again, it was nothing but new discoveries and new friends to make. 
The story is also wonderful. Everybody loves N for good reason, but i also really liked cheren and bianca, going on an adventure with 2 friends and running into them a lot. I like the contrast of truth and ideals and the take on reconstructing pokemon core concept. ghetsis is a wonderfully nasty piece of work, too.
b2w2 i actually think is an even better game mechanically even if the story is a little weaker. but i loooove what they did with kyurem. the theory before the game came out was that kyurem was the empty shell left from when the original dragon split apart and i’m so glad that ended up being canon. And colress is nice, i have a friend who thinks he’s the best. overall, i keep coming back to gen V for a reason, it’s just some really, really good games.
2. Gen IV. Okay, diamond and pearl? they were messy on a lot of fronts. platinum? fixed every issue and then some. i love the sinnoh region so much. there’s such a quiet beauty to the places you visit, and the music is wonderful too. i really like the graphics too, i’m no artist but something about how moody the colors are really relaxes and comforts me. This was the region, btw, that made misdreavus my favorite
I love all the myths and backstory, too. Cyrus is my favorite villain because of the grand nature of his scheme, and the lake guardians and creation trio have some of my favorite lore of the entire series. Barry’s also great, just as an aside. it also introduced the physical/special split that has made pokemon so much more versatile 
HGSS still have all the issues that plagued the original, like terrible pokemon placement and the worst level curve, but it improves the music and it has that same wonderful aesthetic for its graphics. and, while it’s been said before, walking pokemon. it was done perfectly in this game and proceeding games have either failed to match it or haven’t even bothered to try. it is the single best feature in any pokemon game.
3. Gen III. the jump from gen II to gen III is still the most dramatic of any generation shift. even as a kid, i remembered being astounded at how many changes occurred playing ruby after crystal. The game looks so good, the quality of life changes were amazing, the gameplay is quick and crisp (i remember just playing with the box system as a kid, loving all the little individualized sprites for the pokemon and how easy it was compared to before). i still think the game holds up well, it still looks gorgeous. My mental image of the way moves look still comes from gen III, and i think i’ve played through ruby more times than any other pokemon game. and you know what? people meme on the trumpets, but i LOVE the music of hoenn. those horns gave the region its identity and the fact that oras removed them is one of its many sins.
i also appreciate frlg, even though they have their own issues. being locked into 151 is definitely dumb, but the game is still a lot of fun, and i appreciate that they added a lot of extra content compared to the originals. still way better than let’s go, i’ll tell you that much.
honorable mention: Gen VI. X and Y are a mixed bag in many ways but i do think they’re the best games from a pure gameplay perspective. The sheer variety of pokemon to catch and fight gives you so many options for customizability, it’s another game you can come back to a lot (because you’re definitely not coming back for the story)
don’t talk to me about oras it’s complicated.
Best side game: Mystery Dungeon Explorers of Sky. This post is already way too long so i’ll be quick, but Sky just had it all. the story was at its strongest here, the sprites were still around that added so much personality. The characters were all wonderful, aided by the special episodes, the gameplay was at the best point, and the music was great. None of the mystery dungeon games that have released since have come close to hitting the notes that Sky did. 
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teaandgames · 4 years
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The Tea Times - November 2019
Ah, November. For you folks in the United States, this signals a day full of turkey, relatives and drunken conversations. For us over in Blighty, it signals the last warning before that other day full of turkey, relatives and drunken conversations. The wallet’s looking bare, the temperatures dropping, it can mean only one thing - Christmas is coming. Before we begin the panic though, let's look back at the previous month.
At a glance:
Star Wars Jedi: Fallen Order, Death Stranding, Pokemon Sword and Shield, Layton’s Mystery Journey: Katrielle and the Millionaires’ Conspiracy and Planet Zoo released.
Everwild, Age of Empires IV, Half-Life: Alyx, Knights of Light, Arise: A Simple Story, Nine Witches: Family Disruption announced.
Google Stadia announces its launch line up.
Someone’s making Silent Hill in first person
New Saints Row to be announced next year
Project C becomes Life Beyond
The Releases
I’ve never followed Star Wars too closely, being more into classic fantasy than sci-fi, but the thrill of lightsaber battling is not lost on me. Star Wars Jedi: Fallen Order seems to have captured that pretty well, with lots of lightsaber waggling and force powers that come together to make a pretty exciting action game. It’s been awhile since a good single player Star Wars game has been on the market and this one seems to fit the bill. It came out on November 15th.
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Death Stranding, the premier package delivery game (if the internet is to be believed) came out on November 8th. It being a Kojima game, it’s pretty confusing from an outsiders perspective (and not necessarily straightforward for an insider) but what is clear is that it’s a polarising game. It seems to be about ninety percent walking simulator, which is a divisive genre full stop. Add Kojima into the mix? Then God only knows.
Pokemon Sword and Shield is the release this month that I’m most excited for. Despite being twenty-six, I was transported back to my youth as I added it to the top of my Christmas list. It’s been getting mixed reviews from the community, largely centered around the lack of the National Pokedex. Makes sense. Less pokemon can hardly be a good thing. Either way, it seems to hold the same, good, clean fun that the series is known for. The pair came out on November 15th.
Layton’s Mystery Journey: Katrielle and the Millionaires’ Conspiracy wins the award for longest game title I’ve ever typed out. The next in the disarmingly charming puzzle series came to the Switch on November 8th. I mark it here solely because I didn’t realise it had come out on 3DS two years ago. Still, I hope the series finds a welcome home on the Switch.
Planet Zoo, labelled the ultimate zoo simulator, came out on the 5th November. Made by the people who made Planet Coaster and Zoo Tycoon, there’s a good chance that it’ll be a good follow up. After all, they seem to know what they’re doing. Going by the screenshots alone, it looks like it’s pretty in depth too. One for the hardcore simulators, perhaps.
The Announcements
Everwild is a new project from Rare, the Banjo-Kazooie lads, and it looks absolutely gorgeous. That’s about as much as we know, to be honest, other than it’s likely going to be Xbox exclusive. The trailer shows a group of humans timidly interacting with a number of animals. Some, like the deer, seem friendly. Others… less so. I don’t have any more details on it, at the moment, but it’s worth keeping your peepers on.
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Age of Empires IV has been long anticipated since Age of Empires III failed the light the spark in the hearts of die hard fans. I rather liked it but the guns and cannonballs didn’t go down too well. You might be relieved to learn that they’ve been thrown out the window for IV. It’s back to swords, arrows and big chunks of masonry. Hopefully, Age of Empires has gone back to its roots now. No concrete release date yet.
In a fairly shocking move, Valve has revealed the next entry in the Half-Life series. There are two things to note with that. Firstly, it’s a prequel featuring Alyx. That’s not so bad as she was a rather good character. The bigger, second thing of note is that it’s a VR game. Therefore cutting off most of the market. Still, Valve is one of the biggest champions of VR, so it perhaps shouldn’t be so surprising. Half-life: Alyx is coming March 2020.
Knights of Light is a game inspired by Mount and Blade and its trailer and screenshots contain much the same sort of feeling. Horseback combat that looks as exciting as it is terrifying and lots of hitting people with swords. The plot centers around Iraq and the battle of Al-Qadisiyyah, which I absolutely didn’t copy and paste in. I know nothing about that battle but that almost makes it better. It’s a chance to learn while hitting people. Looks like it’ll be hitting early access first, but I’m not sure when yet.
Arise: A Simple Story is a game with an awful title that caught my eye simply because of how pretty it is. The trailer opens with an elderly chap’s funeral pyre, only for him to wake in a snow covered world. As he explores, he seems to enter a forest-like area. I probably won’t be able to tell you much more, as it looks to be a PlayStation 4 title, but it’s coming out on December 3rd.
Nine Witches: Family Disruption is a quirky looking adventure game about an alternate history involving Nazis and supernatural forces. It’s done in a retro pixel art style and seems to be trying to emulate the older school of adventure games. The humour in the trailer seems very hit or miss (mostly miss), but if it’s your cup of tea, check it out in Quarter 2 2020.
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Google Lines ‘Em Up
Google has revealed its line up for its launch, which will take place on the 19th November. The list is this:
Assassin's Creed Odyssey
Destiny 2: The Collection
Gult
Just Dance 2020
Kine
Mortal Kombat 11
Red Dead Redemption 2
Rise of the Tomb Raider
Samurai Shodown
Shadow of the Tomb Raider: Definitive Edition
Thumper
Tomb Raider: Definitive Edition
A rather odd choice to include three Tomb Raider games on launch, but it’s a fairly impressive line up. I rather like Thumper being in there. They’ve also promised to add the following before the end of the year:
Attack on Titan 2: Final Battle
Borderlands 3
Darksiders: Genesis
Dragon Ball Xenoverse 2
Farming Simulator 19
Final Fantasy XV
Football Manager 2020
Tom Clancy's Ghost Recon Breakpoint
Grid
Metro: Exodus
NBA 2K20
Rage 2
Trials Rising
Wolfenstein: Youngblood
A mixed bag of games there but, for all of its faults, Stadia is at least coming out swinging in its first year. Whether it’ll be enough, however, remains to be seen.
The Hills Have (New) Eyes
A quick part here to point towards an interesting development. Someone is remaking the original Silent Hill in first person. It’s only a concept at the moment, but check it out. It looks great. I can, however, hear the terrible siren noise that can only mean the arrival of a cease & desist. Still, Konami may have chucked Silent Hill aside in favour of a pachinko machine but it’s nice to see that people are still carrying the torch.
Even outside of that context, this video looks pretty damn creepy. If nothing else, this might prove that there’s more to the original Silent Hill than awkward controls. It proves that it’s scary full stop.
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The Prez is Back!
Didn’t want to stick this one in the announcements because it feels more like a pinky promise than an actual announcement. Still, the current big bosses that own the Saint’s Row franchise, Koch Media, have said that they’ve got a new game in the making. They don’t want to release too many details now and start colouring people’s expectations but more details are going to coming next year.
Saint’s Row IV came out about six years ago and was nothing but crazy, ridiculous fun. It’ll be interesting to see where the series can go from here, to be honest. Once you’ve reached the point of being an actual overpowered superhero, is there anywhere up? I guess we’ll find out next year.
C To (L)B
Project C, a pretty looking social MMO, has gone through a name change, to reflect its core idea. It’s been changed to Life Beyond. To be frank, I had never heard of it, mostly because MMO’s aren’t really my bag. Still, I do like the idea of social MMOs. The idea of trying to bring people together to build communities and make friends is great. It doesn’t always work, mind you, due to the caustic nature of internet communities.
When it does though, it’s great. I’m reminded of that sprawling Minecraft villages where everyone builds their fantasy architecture together. Not sure if I’ll get it myself, but it’s bright colourful graphics make it one to watch. That’s all for November, see you in December!
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tumblunni · 6 years
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Okay the BIG TODAY THING
It seems i might possibly be gone for six months
I've been talking with my support worker about taking a course at this place thats uhh apparantly gonna help me get better with the depressions and stuff. And we had a meeting to go look around the place and make introductions and stuff but i had NO IDEA it would be all such short notice! I might have to move in IN TWO DAYS FROM NOW, what the fuck!!! And like if its not that its gonna be at the end of the week or next tuesday at the latest. Im so fuckin unprepared and im really freakin out!!
..uhh...how to describe it..well i guess its literally a mental asylum? But it's absolutely NOTHING like the horror movie stereotype! Its not a hospital with cages or locked rooms, its just like a big comfy cute shared house. Like a bunch of completely normal small apartment rooms but they just happen to be all connected to a shared kitchen and stuff and have on site nurses and a big schedule of therapy sessions and group activities like pottery class or bowling. You have the freedom to come and go as you please if you're on "voluntarily admitted" status (that's me!) and even if you're on what they call "sectioned" its still not scary loss of all your freedom. The highest level of sectioning is just like "requires an escort"? You're still allowed to go outside but you have a higher level of supervision from your key worker because you could potentially be a danger to yourself. But that's very rare and most people are only on maximum sectioning for a few weeks at the start of their treatment, if they've come straight from a situation of self harm or other concern factors. Most of the "sectioned" patients just have a time limit on how long they can spend on unsupervised outside activity. It's a pretty generous 8 hours apparantly!
So yeah i was getting worried about nothing, thinking i was gonna be in big scary solitary confinement and locked inside a tiny broom closet or jabbed with brain lazers. It honestly just seems like a summer camp resort for adults! And everyone there seems very nice, and im excited for being able to learn life skills like cooking and potential steps towards getting educational qualifications someday. And to have the help of a more specialist support worker who can assist me with even the smallest little problems. Like this nice lady Tazmin (who might be the one i get?) was saying how they've had other people with social anxiety before, and how we could plan "gradual exposure" to all the things that scare me. Like she said she'd be able to come with me and we'd take the bus and them get off at the next stop. That'd honestly be really helpful to help me get over being scared of the crowded spaces on buses, but i'd never be able to do it normally cos i'd be too embarassed taking such a short bus ride. Plus well itd be a waste of money,but if i'm a patient here i would get a free bus pass so it wouldnt be a problem.
Oh and the area seems really nice! Its so different from my stupid house right now in a crowded neighbourhood with NOTHING but houses everywhere for a mile! Its seriously almost a mile's walk to the ONE SINGULAR SHOP IN THE AREA and they close on sundays and dont sell vegetarian food. :( This area around the shared house thingie is a really nice bustling shops place but not super shops? Like i mean its a lovely village that has all the small shops you need, not a huge skyscrapers busy tourist place. The perfect balance of conveinient and not scary! They have a library and a park so close to the place, and a bazillion charity shops holy FUCK im so excited to have charity shops again!! I think you call them thrift shops in america? But i just always really love bargain hunting and finding nice surprises in places like that! And there's places to do pottery classes and group trips sometimes to do stuff like cinema or bowling or just having your big ol scary therapy meeting at the nice coffee shop at the end ot the road.
So yeah dont worry about me guys, im not trapped in some horribke hell place! I'm sure it'll be as non threatening as an Intensive Therapy Boot Camp can possibly be, im just still nervous as hell cos well yeah I Have Social Anxiety And That Is Why I Am Here In The First Place. Im scared im not gonna be able to succeed at this. I really wanna leave at the end and be all mentally buffed up and ready to make all these nice nurses proud!
Oh and man Richard has been so nice about this?? He was super freaked out and apologetic about it being Scary Short Notice, we had a bit of a dumb misunderstanding where he clearly told me and i clearly said yes but i somehow completely misunderstood what he was saying and thought i was saying yes to something else??? So im so fuckin glad that at the very end of the appointment right when i was gonna get out the car he was like 'oh so remember your suitcase on wednesday' and i was like WHAT. Like man can you imagine how much more terrifying it would have been if i just turned up on wednesday with no supplies but the shirt off my back and was like 'wtf where is he driving me OH GOD NO'. Bunni why you so bad at the good of talking!! Seriously richard thanks so much for clearing it up but also AAAAA i accidentally agreed to the shortest of short notice and i dont know if he's gonna be able to reschedule it!!!
And man i was there crying in his car about how i dont wanna be in hospital on my birthday, and babbling all the different things i had planned fot the next few months. And GOD DAMN MY DUMB BRAIN i ended up blurting out that i had a preorder of a videogame that i was gonna miss. And i straight up started explaining pokemon to my mental health counseller who is also a dj, how damn fake does my life sound?? Anyway he said that i'll still be able to keep him as my support worker when i get back out of this, and we'll still have weekly or monthly meetings while i'm in there. And he keeps reminding me that i'm free to leave if i feel uncomfortable, but i know that i'd feel like a failure if i did! So he legit fuckin goddamn said (THIS SOUNDS SO FAKE) that i could take a day off when the dumb game comes out, and he'd play co op pokemon with me. HOLY GEEZUS RICHARD YOU'RE LIKE THAT HOLY GRAIL OF THERAPISTS! And man he even said it wasnt embarassing for me to sleep with a teddy bear and he'd help me pack it up safe and ensure nobody saw it while we move my bags into my new room. And then i was like "uhh but also the teddy bear is a giant lifesize embarassing pokemon merchandise" and he was like "okay so we need DOUBLE STEALTH". Apparantly the new sequel to Pokemon Go is Pokemon Sneak! God he helped calm me down from this freakout so much, he's always great with lil jokes and motivational sayings. And i talked about how i first started being interested in Obscure Deep Sea Slug Facts because pokemon has some characters based on weird real life animals, and like its Very Educational Honest, And Has Appeal For Both Kids And Adults. How on earth did this turn into Motovational Pokemon Blabber Time??? Anyway thats how i ended up texting a professional psychologist pictures of gastrodon at 7.30pm.
SO
Yeah
In summary
I'm mostly just worried cos this is short notice! And cos its such a big commitment that being short notice is Super Bad. I need to friggin clean the whole house top to bottom in two days, so it doesnt get all gross and attract flies while im gone. And i need to toss out like a hundred bucks worth of frozen food that aint gonna keep for 6 months. And i need to wash all my damn clothes. And i dont even have a suitcase and this is at a terrible time where i dont get paid for a week so i cant buy a new one right now!! And damn i DONT EVEN KNOW WHAT TO TAKE AAAAAA
And the BIGGEST PROBLEM
Is that i wont be able to talk to you guys for half a year!!!
They dont have wifi and im not allowed to take my computer anyway. They only allow laptops and all i have is a desktop and AAAA its too short notice to save up enough to get a laptop mannnnn! Fuck man i didnt even think about that, i need to go pause my broadband internet for six months, do they even allow you to come back after that long?? And man part of me wants to ask to borrow money from friends to get a laptop but i know this time i cant promise to pay you back within the month cos AAAGH ALL OF THIS SHIT!! Like damn man if anyone is willing to let me pay back a hundred and fifty quid in 6 months??not bloody likely!! And man the only place to get a laptop in TWO GODDAMN DAYS is stupid fuckin Amazon :( but god im gonna go stir crazy being unable to do art or gamemaking or friggin anything to occupy myself!! I can bring my 3ds but i barely have any games for it and ive already finished all of them except harvest moon a new beginning which i quit cos it was bad. And the screen is broken anyway gahhh. SO MANY THINGS I NEED MONEY FOR IN SUCH A SHORT AMOUNT OF TIME THAT IS NON CONDUCTIVE TO MONEYING
So anyway GAHH i wont have an internet connection in the house, and i'll be able to walk down the hill and use the library computers hopefully at least weekly, but they forbid all social media sites. So like can i get the emails of everyone who wants to keep in contact? Man i dont know how im gonna manage this AAAAA!!! i will send u loads of pics of scenic asylum beauty and dumb updates on my stupid life of probably very little progress.
And AGGGHHH i dont even have the time to plan a blog queue or anything fuck man geez aaaaaaaa
I NEED TO BUY A NEW PAIR OF TROUSERS WITHOUT HOLES IN THE KNEES man i cant live on singular pantage in a shared house
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her.
We first met when i was 15 and you were 13, it was a hot or not date and not gonna lie, i catfished you. Now im not ugly, id say about an 8 at a push, but i may have advertised myself as a 10. The day was fun, i met you in the train station you were standing inbetween the two phones next to KFC, you were wearing this cute little hat with two fluffy pompoms and beautiful multicoloured hair flowing out the sides, you had three piercings in your nose, two hoops on the sides and a septum piercing in the middle, so unique, i seen you and i instantly loved your eccentric appearance and complete weirdness, in a dull world you were a shining star. Now the whole date consisted of me hitting on you and you ignoring my advances, i was a lil fuckboi you were well within your right. When chilling at your house you made me sit and watch as you played minecraft and i was sooooo bored, i think you were trying to get me to leave looking back on it. but as you said, i am very persistent. The day went terribly and i was leaving to get the bus home you told me i reminded you of a guy from your school that you hated, cheers, and you tapped me a cigarette, it was a herbal cigarette and i didn't hide my disappointment. We didn't talk after.
When i was 17 and you were 16 our paths crossed again. We seen each other in the city where we first met, i was with my friend and you asked if i would jump into the shop to buy you cigarettes, i jumped at the chance to help you and my early puberty came in handy for passing for 18. A nice conversation ensued, we had a catch up, we both had matured it was nice. We texted the next day and you told me you thought my friend was really attractive, i wasn't all too bothered as i had a girlfriend but it kept coming up again in my head and i couldnt get you out of it.
When i was 18 and you were 17 i seen you in a town close to where i stay and very far from where you stay, i was on my way to a gig and stopped at the train station to pick up the drummer (the friend from earlier) wondering why you were so far from home, you told me you were there to see a boy, upon hearing his name i recognised him and i couldn't have imagined a better match for you. Skip forward a few months to the rise of Pokemon go, i was playing in the city where we met with my girlfriend at the local hotspot. You passed with your boyfriend and it turns out he knew my girlfriend, we both shared an awkward smile, we both looked back.
Following a bad break up with my ex i was in a lonely place and decided to hit you up, it turns out you had broken up with your boyfriend recently too. We started talking and got on pretty well and you invited me back up to yours to hang out. As i arrived your friends mum picked me up in the car with you looking beautiful as ever in the back seat. She took me to your friends house and as spontaneous as you are you never told me this was happening, your friends were traveller folk and they were lovely people, although they weren't educated and i found it difficult to talk to them. We smoked a heck of a lot of funky stuff with them and i was the most stoned id ever been. Upon leaving we went to your house and chilled for a bit, talked and you left me in your house for 2 hours while you went and got weed. I didn't complain you had the cutest dog ever and we had some quality bonding time. I stayed at yours that night and had a lil kiss and cuddle and you made me sleep in the other room.
We both moved into the city at the same time soon after and we became fast friends, although i was wanting more. For 6 whole months you kept me on edge, does she like me? does she not? eventually after 6 months of being in the friend zone i eventually realised i was putting myself there, i then started treating you like a girlfriend and you eventually came around to the idea of us. 
It was a beautiful 6 months, i made a big mistake. I had made plans with you and then an old friend invited me to go skating and i agreed, while i was out i remembered i had plans with you. Instead of just telling you i pretended to be sick, but snapchat maps had your back. I should never have lied to you, i used it as a quick solution to a simple problem, i never meant to hurt you, my intentions were to not tell you to avoid hurting your feelings but lies hurt more than that.
Whats even worse, i did it again. I went to see my ex (from earlier) we hadnt seen each other in ages and wanted a catch up, we were both in relationships so there was nothing left between us. You had made it clear you did not like her at all after a snide comment she had made about your eyebrows, although i only think you didnt like her cause i laughed at said comment, it was funny. Once again instead of telling you i lied about what i was doing that day. Overcome with guilt i told you about what happened, you left me. 
You wanted to stay friends i was upset and said some mean things which i regret, im really sorry, i didnt mean any of those things. You havent talked to me since. Ive reached out and you blocked me.
Its been 8 months now. I still think about you everyday, i cant think of a future without you in it. I need to let go, but my heart is still telling me that you are the one. I love you. I did since i first seen you. I always will. I suck at talking about my feelings so im gonna put them on tumblr in hopes one day you will see it.
i miss you Danielle. I hope your dogs ok.
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wanderinguterus1 · 3 years
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Economy Class
“Deserve is a bullshit term. None of us deserves anything. We get what we get.” -Brit Bennett
I once read an article in which a researcher detailed a human behavioral study conducted on airplanes - particularly, among economy class passengers. On some planes, economy class passengers have to pass through the first class area before getting to their (inferior) seats. The study found that on these planes, negative behaviors increased. For example, arguing with flight attendants and fighting with other passengers - all significantly higher in economy class if first class seats were present. The researcher landed on this theory: seeing first class patrons - with their roomy seats, individual arm rests, and ample leg room - made economy class passengers like they were being treated unfairly. In other words, when people are forced to witness drastic inequality, their mindset shifts in a negative direction.
Teaching in a private school, I am often reminded of that article. A few days ago, after third period, I made my way around the classroom, sanitizing the students’ desks. In the beginning of the year, I delegated this job to students, but over time, I realized doing it myself was easier than overseeing reckless 14-year-olds with sanitizer bottles, fearing they would spray a friend in the face or drop the sanitizer on someone’s computer. The label on the bottle warned: “Attention: Can Cause Blindness.” I decided not to take my chances with teenage boys.
I had an hour until my next class arrived, so I sat down at my computer and began flipping through quizzes and recording grades. The soft tapping of the keyboard drastically contrasted with the sounds of hyper ninth graders who had filled the room a few minutes ago. I was enjoying the silence when a former student came by to visit.
“Hi Ariel!”
“Hi Ms. Long.”
Since I had taught her as an 8th grader, I remembered her as a tiny, overly nervous 13- year-old. Now a senior, Ariel moved with confidence, sitting in the desk to my right and straightening the quizzes I had graded and discarded haphazardly.
“Are these To Kill a Mockingbird quizzes?” she asked, looking over the students’ answers.
“Yes.”
“I hated that book.”
I shook my head and sighed. Pulling my mask down to take a quick sip of coffee, I resisted the urge to rebuke her for her bad taste.
“My sister got into Yale,” she announced.
“That’s awesome,” I responded tentatively. Ariel, an average student, had a genius sister. I wondered how Ariel felt about her sister’s acceptance into the Ivy league, although it couldn’t have been too unexpected. Caitlin had been winning academic awards since she was in middle school and had spent the previous summer shadowing a world-renowned journalist.
“Yeah, and I got a full ride to FSU.”
“Wow! I’m so proud of you! I bet your parents are so happy!”
“Yeah, but since it’s not really fair that they don’t have to pay for my college, and Caitlin’s tuition is like 40 thousand a year, they are going to give me the equivalent of that in cash every year to make it even.”
I stared at her, wondering if I had actually heard her correctly. And wishing someone had taught her to “read the room.” Did she just imply the injustice of a full ride? And admit that her parents would be giving her, an 18-year old, forty thousand dollars in cash? To make things FAIR?
Obliviously, she continued, “I’ll probably be able to buy a house as soon as I graduate college.”
Suddenly, I had a realization: being a teacher in a private school was like sitting in the first row of economy class with the first class section in clear view. Every day. For eternity.
I’m not jealous because I want a bigger house or a nicer car or a boat; I just want a baby. One baby. Forty-something thousand dollars stands in the way of my husband and I adopting or trying IVF, but here sits an 18 year-old who will be gifted that amount of money each year for the next four years of her life. She would be able to buy four babies by the time she's 21.
I think of money in terms of babies now. For example, I heard that a Pokemon card sold on eBay yesterday for 500,000 dollars. Instead of dollars, I imagined that Japanese cartoon character being traded for twelve and a half babies.
Don't get me wrong; I understand that compared to so many, I lead a privileged life. I come from a two-parent, middle class home, and I’ve never known what it’s like to suffer from racial discrimination. If I lived in a less developed country, I would be comparing myself to very different types of people: women who sit outside for hours every day, rain or shine, selling vegetables for next to nothing; taxi drivers who work seven days a week, twelve hours a day, just to be able to feed their families. These people don't spend time writing autobiographical essays about how flawed the system is. Even though I understand these truths, I can't help but feel, at times, that I've been shafted.
                                                       *
Two years ago, I lay naked save for the papery hospital gown, in a cold pre-operation room. Hooked up to an IV, I waited on my doctor to arrive and remove the twelve fibroid tumors he had found during my ultrasound. Luis stood by the bed, holding my hand and telling me about the infamous Star Wars holiday special of 1978 in an effort to distract me.
“It actually had Wookie porn in it. Wookie porn. What were they thinking? Chewbacca’s father just groans for like ten minutes straight. It's known as one of the worst films to ever air on television.”
The surgery, an abdominal myomectomy, consisted of cutting open the abdomen in order to remove the tumors. After a year of trying to have a baby and failing, this was our first expensive problem-solving attempt.
On the other side of the curtain, a nurse greeted her patient. “Good morning! What are we having today?”
The voice of a man replied, “It’s a girl.”
“How exciting, is it your first?”
“No,” his female counterpart answered with a chuckle.
I tried to focus on Luis’s Star Wars story, but I kept thinking about the happy couple, leaving later that day with their brand new baby girl all wrapped up in her soft, pink blanket, smelling like cookies after they’ve been dipped in milk. I would leave with nothing but a cleaner uterus and a fat hospital bill.
Moments later, a surgeon arrived, nodded his head to us and continued to the other side of the curtain. I heard him ask, “Ok, so C-section and tubal ligation today, right?”
I almost laughed out loud. So my body was about to be cut open to make it a welcoming home for a fetus while my roommate’s doctor would be rearranging her organs to do the opposite.
I hear the sounds of a table wheeling around and the clanking of instruments. “Do you have a name picked out?”
“Yes, her name is going to be Seven.”
“That’s unique.”
“Well, she’s number seven. I have had six kids in ten years. So yeah, I'm ready to get the tubes tied.”
I looked at Luis indignantly. Seven children in ten years!? I'd been diligently tracking my temperature in order to perfectly time our “lovemaking,” doing headstands after sex, and eating vegan cheese, and this girl is popping out babies every other year. How can two women’s bodies be so utterly different? Luis widened his eyes as if to say, “Well? Do you really want seven children?”
My husband had a way of reframing any depressing situation. When we visited friends who lived in houses much nicer and more expensive than ours, he said things like, “I didn't really like their shower head,” or “I wouldn’t want to live that far away from the city.” Whereas I was seriously considering asking my hospital roommate if she wanted someone to take Seven off her hands, he was probably just thanking the universe that he wasn’t going home this afternoon to a house full of seven kids. On a plane, he would probably find a way to prefer his tiny, middle seat in the back row near the bathrooms to the luxurious first class experience. “Economy people are more friendly than rich people,” he might say.
                                                   *
Before the surgery, I had asked the doctor multiple times how long I would be in recovery, but he would only respond with, “Everyone is different.”
Well, in my mind that translated to two or three days of bedrest, because I rarely use more than three sick days in a school year. Unfortunately, my superior immune system had nothing to do with post-surgery pain, and for seven days afterwards, I was confined to the couch, unable to stand up straight or move more than a few feet without stopping, and in serious pain when my abs contracted. Any time I sneezed, coughed, or tried to flip myself over, it felt like someone was using a straight razor to open my stomach as if it were an Amazon box.
After an entire week of lying on the couch and taking opioids every five hours, I went back to work, still a bit hunched over and rather pale. And on the eighth day, I had to go back to the doctor for a post-op appointment so the bandage could be removed and the healing process be judged.
The bandage - about six inches wide five inches thick, had been placed right on my underwear line. I had already tried to remove it a little myself, just out of curiosity, but I didn’t get very far because it felt like it had been super-glued to the most sensitive area of my body. No one had warned me to shave completely before surgery.
In the car on the way to the appointment, I worried about the removal process and, not wanting to experience more pain, asked Luis, “The doctor probably has something to put on this to make it come off easily, don’t you think?”
“I don’t know,” he said, sounding doubtful. This should have been a signal to me. Luis, being a man, knows how men think. He knew, but didn’t want to break it to me, that there was no way a doctor has ever concerned himself with how painful a bandage removal process would be.
Choosing to be naively optimistic, I decided to trust in the kindness of medical professionals; surely they wouldn’t put me through more pain after so recently having had my abdomen cut open. However, once I was lying on the examination table, naked from the waist down, feet up in the stirrups, doubts started to creep in. As the now familiar ultrasound wand moved around inside my body, Dr. Edwards crowed on about how clear and devoid of fibroids my uterus looked.
Ok, surgery was successful, fibroids are gone, good job, thank you, now please get this thing out of me. When the ultrasound finally ended, he asked, “Do you want to remove the bandage or do you want me to?”
I hesitated, because that question implied that there was no procedure involved... that any random Joe off the street could just stroll in with normal people hands and just rip off this thing with no training whatsoever. My wheels were turning... So... you aren’t going to like, put some kind of magic lotion on me first?
Unfortunately, magic lotion only existed in my fantasies. In reality, surgery proved just a portion of the pain I would endure before it was actually over.
I began to remove the bandage, deciding I would rather be my own executioner. I picked the top part until my fingernails could get underneath, and started to tug. The skin rose as I pulled- it had been eight days since its placement and the glue didn't seem to have weakened at all. How was that possible? If humans are smart enough to design SuperBandage, aren’t we also advanced enough to create anti-adhesive?
When I got to the lower half of the bandage, which was on top of hair, things went downhill quickly. Removing it felt like getting a bikini wax - which I’ve only tried once and chickened out halfway through.
Eventually, I conceded. I couldn’t willingly put myself through the torture. “Can I just do it later, at home? In the bathtub?” I pleaded.
The doctor gave me a puzzled look, as if he didn’t understand the question. “I need to see if your scar is healing.”
“I’ll send you a picture. I swear.”
He chuckled, but I wasn’t kidding. I have never hated anyone more than I hated him in that moment. I bet he had never endured a bikini wax. He probably winced when his wife plucked his eyebrows. I made a mental note to give him a horrible Yelp review.
I refused to continue, so Dr. Edwards took over: he pulled and the nurse pushed the skin down as he went across - yes, pushing right below my stitches. I have never felt such excruciating pain in my entire life; it was like being stabbed with a hundred tiny needles on a part of my body that was only meant to be touched with loving hands. At one point, I instinctively grabbed the doctor’s arm, forcing him to stop. Staring at the bandage, which was only halfway removed, I cursed all men, including Luis. Why didn’t anyone tell me to shave? Why didn’t they give me anesthesia for this?
When the torture finally ended, Dr. Edwards looked at me with amusement in his eyes, and asked, “You ok?” as if I had been overly dramatic. I decided that I would never, ever, forgive him. Public Service Announcement for Women: Shave before any abdominal surgeries. And never settle for a male doctor if a female one is available.
I often wondered why I was putting myself though so much pain to bring a new life into the world. Was the desire to have children an evolutionary curse? Growing up, I never questioned whether or not it would happen because that’s what women are meant to do, right? What is a woman if not a mother? At least that’s what all the women I knew growing up led me to believe. Receiving the hospital bill in the mail a few weeks later prompted me to further question this desire. If I hadn’t cared about being a mother, Luis and I could have used the surgery money to take a trip to our dream destination - South Africa - flying first class.
Sometimes, when I’m lying naked from the waist down with my feet in stirrups, I think about my early 30s, when eggs and fertile windows were blissfully far from my mind. Unfettered by thoughts of motherhood, I concerned myself with traveling as much as possible.
Reading Walden had convinced me that staring at a computer screen all day was no way to live. Thoreau had inspired me to work with my hands, to get outside, to “suck the marrow” out of life. So after six years of teaching, I quit my job and departed alone on a plane to New Zealand. Although I had never even set foot on a farm before, I planned to volunteer on various organic farms as a way to connect with the natural world. The research I had conducted for this adventure amounted to about one hour’s worth of googling.
Since I had lived in a country where I didn’t speak nor read the language for three years, I craved traveling without a language barrier. My inferior sense of direction often weakened my resolve for adventure, so I needed a place where, at the very least, I could read the street signs. My first stop was a dairy farm in Opotiki. I pronounced this as if the last two syllables were “tea- key” as in tiki bar. The bus driver couldn’t understand me; he said he had never heard of such a place.
After some discussion and help from the internet, he dropped me off at the bus stop in “Ah-PO-Tah-key,” where a 20-something-year-old French guy named Clement stood smoking a cigarette. He had been sent by the dairy farmer to pick me up and seemed bored by the task.
Getting off of the bus, I must have looked a bit like Elle Woods showing up for her first day at Harvard. I wore skinny jeans, pink Uggs, and a tie-dyed sweatshirt. Clement had on overalls smeared with a brown substance, work boots, and a look that said, “You have no idea what you are getting yourself into.”
“Hi!” I exclaimed, eager to make a companion after a long solo flight and bus ride.
Clement lifted his chin in greeting and pointed to an old, faded black Honda Civic.
I stuffed my backpack into the trunk, and headed for the passenger seat, after an awkward moment with Clement in which I realized that the right side of the car was actually the driver’s side.
Undeterred by Clement’s apathy towards me, I asked, “How has it been, working on the farm?”
“Lot of cow sheet,” he responded, in a thick French accent.
He then reached for the radio and turned the music up to a decibel that prevented me from responding. Maybe my expectations for companionship had been a bit high.
The drive to the farm consisted of Clement driving about 20 miles over the speed limit on tiny, winding dirt roads, and me closing my eyes and holding tightly to the sides of my seat with both hands. At some point, I felt the urge to vomit, but I just laid my head back and practiced yoga breathing. Clement did not seem to notice.
By some miracle, we arrived at the farm without incident, where I met John, an older man who owned a little red house on seven acres. He explained that Clement and I would be sharing the spare room, meant for volunteers, and he showed me where my overalls and work boots rested.
“Be ready to go at four a.m. I’ll have yogurt and granola ready for breakfast,” he said, handing me an empty water canteen. “Tonight, before you go to sleep, you need to fill this with boiling water and put it under your blankets. It's going to get cold in your room.”
Cold didn’t adequately describe the sleeping quarters. Until it was time for bed, Clement, John and I had been lounging in the cozy, carpeted living room near the fireplace. However, around nine pm, when we moved to the back bedrooms, the wood floors felt like ice on my bare feet. I retrieved a sweatshirt, a scarf, a pair of gloves, and two pairs of socks from my suitcase and put them all on. The temperature must have been around forty degrees, because I could actually see my breath in the darkness. Sleeping proved difficult; every hour, I put on another piece of clothing from my suitcase, eventually looking like the pigeon lady in Home Alone. The canteen was only big enough to heat up one body part and remained warm for just half the night. Throughout all of my tossing, turning, and the unzipping and zipping of my backpack, Clement slept peacefully in normal pajamas. At four a.m., when the rooster started crowing, I wanted to weep. I yearned for my warm Tel Aviv apartment, central heating, and my teaching job, which suddenly felt like a white collar position.
I snuggled deeper into my bed, hoping to enjoy the blankets for a few more minutes, until I saw Clement pop out of bed and don his overalls. Refusing to be the weakling that he probably expected me to be, I followed his lead.
“Did you bring a hat?” John asked, when I entered the kitchen.
“No. Why?” I asked, thinking if I had a hat, I probably would have worn it to bed last night.
“Some of the cows have lice and you could catch it.”
I eagerly accepted the hat John proffered.
Clement and I ate our yogurt in silence - not surprising for him, but I was just too cold and tired to care.
John led us to the barn after breakfast, where we would be milking the cows. When I walked through the doors, my hand instinctively covered my nose: the smell - similar to a Port- O-Potty at the end of a crowded, weekend-long music festival - attacked me. John and Clement, unaffected by the stench, chuckled at my reaction.
“Better than the smell of cars in the city,” John said, smiling.
I wasn’t convinced.
Now it was time to learn how to milk a cow. In my imaginings of this moment, I would sit on a cute step stool, a sweet little cow would trot up to me, and I would gently tug on her teats, squirting milk into a tin bucket below. I would repeat this a few times, and a day’s work would be done.
In reality, John owned about 200 cows. The barn housed 50 stalls into which the first herd of cows were guided; each stood so that her butt faced into the shed. John handed me one of many thick, black hoses that hung from the ceiling. At the end of the hose was a steel device with four suction cups; I needed to attach the suction cups to the cow’s teats. The three of us would walk up and down the stalls, eventually connecting the suction cups to all fifty cows, and then John would turn on the machine.
For the first set of cows, this went pretty smoothly; according to John, these were the “old gals” who were used to the process. But when the younger cows were led into the stalls, they seemed less than thrilled. I watched in horror as one of them furiously kicked her hind legs, trying to escape the suction cups. John ran over to her, adeptly tying each of her legs to the stall. What happened next was both horrifying and impressive. I remember learning about how vultures can vomit on demand; it's one of their defenses when threatened. Well, apparently cows have a similar skillset. The moment John finished tying up the second leg, that cow shot projectile diarrhea right onto his chest.
I managed to get through the morning milking - which took two hours total - without trauma. I felt victorious but exhausted; I longed to go inside and take a nap.
“Meet me back out here at noon,” John said, after the barn had been cleaned.
I wondered why we would need to come back to the barn so soon. Clement delighted in informing me that the cows were milked twice a day.
Eventually, Clement, John and I fell into a routine, and for two whole weeks, I milked cows (twice a day) without contracting lice or getting kicked in the face. I even learned some tricks for sleeping in 40 degree temperatures, like taking a scalding hot shower right before bedtime, throwing on clothes as quickly as possible, then running straight to the bed, where I had previously placed the hot water canteen.
When I look back on my New Zealand adventure, I marvel at my resilience. How I just trudged out to the barn in those big rubber work boots at four a.m. and kept talking to Clement even though he only responded in grunts. And even though I’m older now, and slightly less malleable, I’m still managing. Every day I go to school and greet those first class passengers without displaying any “negative behaviors.” (I still welcome Ariel when she comes to visit me.) And I’m going to keep tracking my ovulation and putting away money for adoption, at least for another two or three years. And if we are relegated to fly in economy class on a plane full of first class passengers for the rest of our lives, at least Luis will be there to remind me that first class isn’t all that great anyway.
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swampgallows · 6 years
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i just woke up, it’s close to noon here, five hours is good enough i guess. i keep thinking about college and how fucking suicidally depressed i was then and how ive spent half of this year being unemployed and generally just struggling to take care of myself in the most banal and basic ways possible, and how depression really does just delete years from your life. you live through them in a daze,  you’re already a ghost, you’re already dead. questing in wrath of the lich king is honestly some of the last shit i remember concretely before going into a two year gray area of passing my classes and nothing else. i remember breaking up with my boyfriend because he chose raiding over me. i dont want to talk about it again. the memory is still painful. still, even still, ten years later. and in late 2008 i was attacked in my dorm room and i was screaming and my roommates thought i was being a big ol slut. they thought any guy that came over was someone i was fucking. when i went to blizzcon in 2008 and my brother stayed in my dorm they thought i was fucking him too until i told them he was my little brother. they tried so fucking hard to suppress my interests and make me “like them”. “there’s more to life than world of warcraft and pokemon” they said as if going to college basketball games and rewatching disney movies has any more enrichment or depth beyond what i was fucking doing. my life is so full of hatred, from myself, from other people, just being fostered in me in general, and it’s only within the last few years that i’ve gotten to heal from it at all, all the time being hurt more and more
i was talking to a friend yesterday who is just 19 and thinking about where i was when i was 19, which of course puts me in 2009 again, the year i dropped out of existence, and i was telling them about how i was essentially raised by the ilk of 4chan and the piece of shit community on wow that, like, since i’m around ~liberal genderqueer~ tumblr-type spaces all the time, genuinely shocks me to remember still exists, of those fucking hypermasculine overcompensating military dudes. and we were talking about how like, nerds in general tend to have shit social skills or anxiety or are Othered in ways that have them reinforce this piece of shit pecking order where the loudest and meanest proclaim themselves the Leader and everyone just follows them because theyre too meek to challenge them or they mistake arrogance for confidence and assume any asshole crowing that loud about how Right they are all the time Must Be Right. 
and i thought of my own life, my ex QP, my old friend groups, my abusive ex boyfriend, how i mistook so long their malice as strength, how i was duped by their self-aggrandizement. they had no skills, no talents, no girlfriend (except when i dated them), no women in their lives in general, no real friends they could count on (except, for my abuser, an older man with 3 children and a brand new divorce whose house he muscled and manipulated himself into—”i cant even bear to be in the old master bedroom anymore”—and my abuser promptly MOVED HIMSELF INTO IT) no hobbies, and the one or two hobbies that they had—fishing, video games—they were fucking less-than-passable at. my ex-qp wasn’t good at video games. he would use cheat codes or just play the strongest character and rely on everyone else to pick up his slack. warrior, carry, tank, what have you; all of us his underlings to support him to victory—”I’m doing all of the damage and getting none of the kills”—he would whine, oblivious to the concept of teamwork and seeking credit within the only realm he had a semblance of succeeding in. 
anyway so when i first joined tumblr i swung the pendulum in the other direction because i absolutely had to, it was for my survival to become a virulent feminazi as they put it, and i was obnoxious about it, and i reposted rape statistics all the time and challenged people all the time because i had to. i had to let it overtake me in order to purge all of the 10+ years of toxic social conditioning that places like 4chan and their little infestations in WoW and all of my abusive partners instilled in me. i had to be vocal about rape this and sexual assault that because i spent the better part of my adolescence trying to laugh away the fact that i was raped as a child, trying to make jokes about my “delicious flat chest” and pedobear and “surprise buttsecks/it’s not rape if you yell surprise” and “delicious loli”; some of the images i had willingly saved on my ancient hard drive are absolutely harrowing to go through now as an adult knowing my mushy impressionable 14 year old traumatized mind was trying to cope with and gloss over what had happened to me and with the future i was facing as a budding adolescent in this kind of environment. men didnt want to be responsible for what happened to me or with what would happen to me, it made them uncomfortable for me to talk about it, so i was told to laugh it away, that nobody cares that i was raped, that i was stronger if i could just laugh about it, that no topics were beyond reproach or off limits, and that if i wasnt desensitized to my own suffering then i was weak, i was a sheep, i was a burden, i was letting my emotions get the better of me.
obviously, tumblr as a whole DIRECTLY acts in opposition of this: everything is rooted in our traumas, which we are expected to lay bare for all to be taken seriously: 4chan demanded that we invalidate the trauma by making a joke of it and allowing the masses to pick it apart for their own entertainment, to become part of the anonymous “legion” by offering up our individuality to be consumed by the group (as a currency of “lulz”, basically); tumblr, reflexively, demands we validate the trauma by making it an open and public integral asset to our identity, to have easily digestible and categorized characteristics so as to fit into the tumblr hierarchy of needs, their own misinterpreted facsimile and microcosm of existing systematic oppression, and obtain a sort of fixed currency of privilege or “woke points” dependent on identity politics. so i definitely needed to purge my previous conditioning with this reclamation of my identity as a survivor, etc, and had about 7 years of misplaced anger and fury condensed into a good two or so years instead, and even now im still parsing details. 
it wasnt until i was 22 that i had even heard the term asexuality and it wasnt until i was 25 that i realized i was bi (or “could be” bi), even though i had already been in love with and sexually active with women years prior lmao. i had been told by every possible source that having a dick inside me would change my life and change my outlook and change me into a better person or whatever the fuck, that i would “understand” and “grow up” and “become a woman” or whatever and guess what it did fucking NOTHING, just like every teen drama romance or whatever tries to stress over and over, sex is not a magical lifechanging event that hands you a million dollars and a healthy brain. it changes your life in some ways and it’s definitely not something to be taken lightly but in no way is it a cure for anything.
i dont know where i’m going with this, im just fucking pissed off about my life, im pissed off that healing takes so long and that i had to do any of it in the first place. im so pissed about all of my time wasted with this fucking piece of shit body and fucking piece of shit brain and i wish i could just go back to work and be a functional human being but im like just a short leap away from doing any of that. i have to get in touch w my previous HMO once the new year starts now that im confirmed for medi-cal, and i should have done it months ago, but i have to just accept that this whole time ive been not USELESS but just utterly CONSUMED by self-preservation, that it is taking most of my effort to want to be alive and stay on this planet any longer. especially now with my teeth bugging me so bad because i cant fucking take care of myself so im grinding my teeth and clenching my jaw and i guess eating improperly or what have you idont fucking know. im going to buy a waterpik even though it’s fifty dollars and i have not made ANY MONEY in the last 6 months or done ANY of what i wanted to do and i still have a number of commissions needling at me that i genuinely like cant fucking even look at withotu fucking hitting myself and crying, and im seriously not trying to make fucking excuses, i am so fucking ashamed and consumed by self-hatred about this, this has been a problem for me SINCE COLLEGE where i was an ART MAJOR that i had to fucking beat the shit out of myself to try to draw anything “seriously”, and i do mean literally beating myself, bludgeoning myself with my morris sticks and smacking myself in the face/head and clawing at my skin, and i fucking hate it
i just know i need like SO MUCH recovery or healing or whatever the fuck, i feel so long overdue for very basic shit, and part of me feels like a withering plant, like pouring water over dry leaves thinking it’s just going to saturate itself and be instantly rejuvenated. im losing leaves in the process, as it were, and getting no “water” all this time. i feel like i’m in drought mode. these last six months are me basically conserving all i have, toeing away from the edge of the cliff because iw as so ready yall i was so fucking ready, i was ready to jump off, i spent whole lunch hours just ready to fucking leap, staring down the void, staring at the winding road that went up the mountain, staring at the deer who stared back at me, hiding my face from Adults who treated me like a wind-up doll, i just couldnt take it, ic ouldnt be somewhere that sterile, i couldnt be spending so much of my life getting so little back, i coudlnt see my friends ever, i couldnt breathe, but in general my brain is sick and i need to heal from all of these things, i need to figure out how i can cope with being alive because i am going to be alive at least a little longer and i need to not fear and crave death simultaneously. i do not want to die, I DO NOT want to die, but i cannot live in a constant state of recuperating. my life has just felt like the Shutting Down... screen for the last 2 years. 
NEED a new dentist NEED my teeth fixed PLEASE GOD open the stem cell dentin treatment to clinics worldwide GOD fix my TEETH PLEASE let me REGROW my TEETH NEED therapy NEED to fix my brain NEED to figure out how i can cope with being unable to support myself in this shit fucking economy NEED TO RECOVER NEED TO GET BETTER PLEASE IM FUCKING SUFFERING 
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pokefanbri · 4 years
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1st I have to say this b4 I repeat the post from fb. This is a place where I can speak my mind freely without judgement, speak my peace even. Which is exactly what im gonna do so prepare for a read. So think what u want idc, but the last thing I wanna do is tick some1 I know off cause on some level there's a mutual appreciation & respect regardless of my impression. And anyone that reads this isn't obligated to understand my opinion & I dont expect u to. With my brain its my thought process to let information out of my head so I can put things aside, observe & absorb more lol. Writing is another tool or coping mechanism for my anxieties & other psych ailments, treatment for my mental health depends on it & other hobbies in other words, especially during shutdown, something to focus on. Heck even youtube is recommended by my doctor if it keeps me happy lol. But because ill be working again, I may not have time to do alot of things I like sadly..idk i just wouldnt want to be burnt out & focus on more important things. I have a high respect for anyone working around people during this time & it must worrisome for u too, means I have to keep on my toes as well soon..its a scary world out there for an introvert but I was killin it in NY too. It was just a slow steady process with all the limitations & moving my life up there wasn't easy to begin with but I pulled through & did it all...only for it to be taken away.
So, I'm an Irish, German, Canadian,British Mut from tucson. Maternal & paternal immidiate families lineage mixed made me, including my NY blood from my bio dad. The rest is all over Europe but u get the idea. Tucson may be where i was born & my 1st home without a father & raised not knowing (were mardi gras babies btw 😒)
But NY is & will forever be my 2nd home i dont care what any1 says, I felt I belonged there. Its the other half of me quite literally.Theres a memory that's really been bugging me. Last day b4 i left it, a bald eagle flew across my path in the sky no joke going NE & I was departing back to the SW. I chose the eagle years ago cause I identify with it. including the background symbolism in different phases of my life that included them lol, but to actually see one was just amazing.
They symbolize strength+freedom in general despite it standing for the country from sea to shining sea lol. Also Braviary was always in my pokemon team besides pikachu since its gen came out lol. I've always been strong, whether some believe it to be true or not is their problem, only I know the things I've gone through. Point is different ends of the spectrum its always been with me throughout in some way & im glad i got to share it with someone that gave me the freedom I needed.
But yea I experienced what its like to be there & got to know that part of me even if I didn't find him & maybe didnt care...I feel I was meant to be there. I was in touch with my roots, lower Temps & above sea level rather than high temps & below sea level ���� I loved everything about my time up there. It'll always be a part of me, & I hope to see it again. But I digress.
But in regards to the relationship itself, emphasizing on what i said b4. Just as it i got "settled" in it was gone & I had no clue what was happening without my knowledge, the whole plan to bring me back, all of it, the whole chain of events that unfolded the way it did starting with leaving a marriage in the 1st place to be with him i mean come on lol. Chasing a dream that didn't play out the way we had hoped. I took leap of faith & I ended up starting over twice in 1 year with no benefit of the doubt. I still have my ny health insurance for the rest of the yr, I have to add it to my list to apply again in az. Ive been wearing the wrong prescription glasses for 6 months under quarantine & they're just now getting to stage 4 of opening lol. Just understand how frustrating that actually is for someone like me & u totally get it 😅 U want to take care of business but sometimes you're limited & gotta work around it. had all that covered there & then was told I settled, wrong thing to say & its no wonder I didn't blow up in his face right there & then 😒. But I have retraint & can control myself. Though it was out of my hands the new relationship didn't have to go sour, been just as long if not more, could've actually thrived given the proper balance with room to grow. Idk, Sometimes I honestly don't think anyone believed in me. I mean I have no debt, no record, no kids, im a clean slate type of girl lol. Yes I did end up feeling unappreciated, underestimated, a bit neglected, insecure about my body, ashamed for being myself, & I shouldn't have to feel that way at all & if that happens there obviously something off. I just didnt know what it is he wanted & needed, i wanted to help & be a good partner to this dude but why is it bad to ask the same in return? I shouldn't have to drastically change myself to fit someones standard i know, but...i needed the old him back, I missed the old us & wanted to get back to that.. Was always so closed off & probably ended up in his own head who knows, maybe there was guilt for some of the things he did & didnt want to hurt me anymore, spare my feelings any more than it did b4 it was too late.idk whatever the excuse i still don't know what triggered it all to fail so easily & i don't think i ever will. But ending up with the conclusion that I was the problem, its narcissistic to even believe that & i won't accept it. Not when he can't confront his own issuse & put blame onto himself too.. it was a low blow & literally felt like my heart was pierced at the sound of it. If im to blame its the other way around as well. My point of view wasn't acknowledged so this is my take & experiences of happened so plz dont hate me for speaking my truth.
But yea I can tell when somethings not right & feel strong empathy for others emotions. I knew something was different, there were signs everywhere since the mistrust started & during the last half of that time with him I questioned everything but sat in my own headspace as well as he did just thinking about it. If anything we failed eachother, the blame is on us both but idk what else i could've done to get through to him. That's the stubbornness, he wouldn't budge. Despite how things went down..Leaves me to think, what was the point of having me there in the 1st place, to not follow through with our shared hopes & dreams but instead spiral into such resentment for me that the interest faded. But at the at the same time...even if it ended early for him, I didn't give up & I fought to keep us okay which it was for the most part. Hindsight is 20/20, it definitely wasn't negative all the time. In fact things were great between us & acted like goofballs together, that right there is a friend despite if the stronger feelings weren't mutual. Nobody with hate in their heart acts like that, he was good, the best, cheered me up when I was down, shared interests & did things for eachother. But that alone makes me question what was truth & what was fiction sometimes ever since the trust between us started to fade. Am I in the right to feel what im feeling right now? Im angry & upset yes very, but the kindness he had throughout..he did care in his own way...which makes things so much harder.
Tripadoodle if some way you're listening, I hope u know now where im coming from. For your own benefit & quest to be a better man like you always wanted...actually try. Head my advice. Making yourself better shouldn't be put on a womans shoulders to do for u without her getting lifted in return...its alot of weight to handle for 1 person to carry lol. Get off your ass & build on yourself, learn from everything that happened & become better for yourself & the sake of others, Because it starts with u. Go to church if possible or watch them, it really does help. Even from across the country I still want u to do just as good & help u as a friend. You promised we could remain friends & im holding my end of the bargain whether u like it or not lol it was your idea during the ride here. All I wanted in the end was to not lose u in my life completely...but i should be patient i know.. Theres more space, im not contacting u directly & respecting that, eventually ill stfu lol but I feel I need this rn. I should hate u,but I cant hate u, I do still care, u had that affect on me so much that I can't really listen to others when they say ur a douchbag lol, u were still my rock the whole time even if u didn't feel the same after a while & u did help me alot as well. I see the good in people & u are good, with well balanced snarkiness & humorous sass to boot. light a fire under ur own ass & ull be okay lol. Never stopped believing in u. Ive seen what you can do, you're very smart & know your sh*t, u will go far lol. And as a friend I'd lend u my strength if I could but the most I can do is pray for things like safety/protection, healing, forgiveness, guidance, etc. Leave it to God if u feel compelled to. Give zanabell a hug for me.
God i talk way too much 😅 No im not doing any of this for attention, I want my voice to be heard as well as a possible learning experience if it had that effect on anyone. The things we learn build character & help us understand a little more about ourselves. Probably shouldn't share cuz its nobody's business, yea ive thought of that too.. But its a blog lol, Tumblr allowed it to be that space, opinions and rants are allowed & encouraged. Nothing wrong with that 🤷‍♀️ so who gives a crap.
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These are pictures of the NY sunrise & AZ sunset. Clouds always get me cuz of the shapes, used to to take pics of them all the time. once saw mario holding a hammer when I was a kid 😂 3rd & 4th pic is a split rainbow, never seen that b4...either someone found the gold or its deciding whether or not to connect. Probably was connected but I missed it lol. But then I looked behind me after the split 1 disappeared & a double rainbow was forming. Nature can be scary but also beautiful
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warmau · 7 years
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heck ok that minhyun college au had me feelin some type of way and he's not even my bias so if you wanted could you do one for jr? your writing is absolutely wonderful and i really appreciate all you do
specialty: jonghyun is doing his residency in cardiology 
“of coURSE you want to be a heart doctor” “what do you mean?” “well it’s just,,,,,,you’re so kind and ,,,,,, loving,,,,,it just fiTS YOU” 
^probably an actual conversation between jonghyun and minki in med school LOL
but no he really does his best in all of his work, like he knows that there are limits to how much he can do for people and the fact breaks him because he just wants to make sure everyone is taken care of and is safe
but his selflessness got him into some trouble in med school because people would constantly ask to cheat off him and some even took the credit for work /he/ did
yet jonghyun never as much as complained, even when dongho threatened to fight them for him because jonghyun would just shrug it off and be like “if it helps them, then that is what matters” and everyone is always like yes but at what cost to you and jonghyun just smiles
,,,,,that damn adorable angelic smile,,,,,,,and everyone is like god you really arent a person. you’re some kind of righteous demi-god with a heart too good for your own being LOL
looks totally mature and serious in his uniform and when he does intakes for the cardiology department 
but ,,,,,, the other residents know the tRUTH
about how his ID card is actually yellow and has little flowers on it, how instead of taking the precious time to sleep he’ll stay up and read webtoons on his phone, has a collection of squirtle’s lined up on his bed 
he gets really embarrassed when the superiors compliment his work and he’ll kind of try to hide his smile but also,,,, 
as usual if someone is getting in trouble he’ll try to shift the blame onto himself and again everyone is like jonghyun please stop putting yourself on the line for others
but he can’t,,,,it’s in his nature
one time he almost got kicked out of the program because he was going to take the blame for a negligent resident but thankfully minhyun and dongho intervened in time BUT STILL EVEN AFTER ALMOST GIVING THE REST OF NUEST A HEARTATTACK JONGHYUN CONTINUES TO DO THESE THINGS 
i guess you just can’t hold a good person down lgfjds
anyway back to him being cute,,,, he always compliments minki because he thinks he looks the best in his doctors coat and minhyun is (kinda) jealous while dongho is straight out like jonghyun jonghyun look at me flex - jonghyun hey
got caught singing to himself after putting away blood samples and everyone always asks him to show off his voice and he’s like ,,, a,,,ah i cant
(but he totally did at the christmas party some residents threw and it was. amazing. rumor is someone cried because jonghyuns voice was so nice)
everyone says he flirts with patients when he’s helping them get ready for procedures but jonghyun is just like???? im being nice
and everyone is like being nice doesnt involve being so damn handsome and using a soft tone of voice and flasing that smile-
jonghyun: are you saying my face is flirting for me
dongho: thats exactly it. It’s his face you guys. look at it
did i mention he totally saw a kid holding a pokemon toy in the waiting room and did an impersonation of squirtle to get the kid to laugh. well im mentioning it now.
so it’s technically your first time e v e r at the cardiologist and you have no idea what to expect and you’re kinda nervous,,,
the lady at the front desk is like honey dont worry its all painless and fine but you’re like,,,,,,,,,,,,,not completely convinced 
and when the nurse calls you in you’re expecting that she’ll be the one with you for most of the visit but she sits you down in a room and says one of the residents will do some tests today
and you’re like ok,,,,looking around the painfully bright room and wondering about all the different tools and the big diagrams of the human heart hung up on the wall
and when the door opens you turn and,,,,,damn near fall off the examination table
because the boy in front of you,,,,,,he’s got to be??? an actor???? a singer????? is this a prank camera????
he smiles,,,,dark hair combed neatly against his forehead and he points to the heart monitor in his hands nad he’s like “im jonghyun, ill be doing some tests on you for the doctor.”
in your head you’re still like,,,,,,is this dude actually a resident,,,,,isnt he too good looking
you’re so distracted that you dont even notice him hook you up to the heart monitor, carefully wrapping it around your arm and smiling at you as he pulls back to turn on the machine
and for a moment he watches the bright numbers and he writes something down, coming closer to you you see the numbers on the machine go up
and when you glance over,,,,,jonghyun is looking confused too
he puts his hand back on the part of your arm and tightens the band a bit
the closeness is a bit much for you,,,,seeing his face up close you realize he’s even more handsome than before
and you can literally hear your heartbeat in your ears
jonghyun moves back and you let out a sigh,,,,the number begin to drop down to normal 
and jonghyun is like “that’s,,,,,odd,,,,let me see something-”
he takes a step closer to you again,,,looking at your eyes and taking out his stethoscope and you’re once again hearing your heartbeat in your ears
and after a minute or two jonghyun,,,,,looks down at his notepad and is like
“it seems that everytime i get near you,,,,,your heart rate goes up. are you nervous?”
you in your head: ofc im nervous have you SEEN your FACE
you speaking: ,,,,oh just im nervous of seeing the doctor hahaha,,,
jonghyun nods and gives you a smile,,,,he leans forward to put his hand on your wrist reassuringly
too bad you’re still hooked up to the machine and the numbers go back up past 110 and jonghyun is like oh ,,,,wow
and you’re ike gbifkdfljsfg e@ your body plEASE STOP contrOL yOURSELf
and jonghyun writes something down before taking the band off you and saying that the doctor will come in soon
and you cant even look at him because,,,,wow,,,,you really just got your heart rate raised by this cute resident you dont even know how corny gfldjcbvg u really need to stop falling for people you just meet
but as jonghyun closes the door he cant help but smile to himself because,,,,thats the first time someones heart rate has changed so drastically in front of him
plus the look of slight embarrassment on your face was so cute,,,,,,
the rest of the appointment goes by fine. the doctor is like nothing seems to be wrong and you’re healthy although ive never seen such spikes in heart beat,,,,maybe its the nerves?
and you’re going back out of the room to the front desk when you bump into someone and looking up you see him again,,,,,jonghyun
the heat rushes all up into your face and you’re like fkgdse sorry,,,,,for getting all nervous back there
and he laughs because you’re the patient you shouldn’t ever apologize and you’re like gOsh i probably looked like such a fool
but jonghyun shakes his head and he’s like “a lot of people get nervous at the doctors,,,,,but not a lot of people still manage to look cute”
and you’re like excuse me and he’s like,,,,,oh,,,,i said that outloud?
and you’re like y,,,yes??// and jonghyun is just like coyly smiling and he’s like well no use in hiding it - it was very cute, its nice to know i can have such an impact on someone
and you’re like listen,,,,please,,,, you’re just so attractive up close i thought u werent a real resident for a bit
that makes jonghyun laugh and you cant help but giggle too
you both walk out to the front desk and you tell jonghyun that it was nice to meet him,,,,,and jonghyun is like ah! before you go - here
he hands you a pamphlet on heart health and you’re like,,,,,thank you?
but when you leave you open it up and out falls a note torn from a pad and it says
‘if you ever are free - stop by the hospital again? only if you want of course~ resident kim ‘makes your heart rate go past 110′ jonghyun’
its,,,,,the corniest thing but you cant help but feel a giddiness in your stomach 
jonghyun back in the doctors office is telling himself that he really shouldnt have wote that dumb ‘makse your heart rate go past 110′ part but its DONE now,,,,so he’ll ave to just wait and see
,,,,,,,of course you come back how can you not lmao you show up at the office and the front desk women seems to know whats going on she just winks and tells you to wait while she gets jonghyun
its a short first “date” because it happens outside the hospital cafe where you’re both drinking coffee and talking about your interests and hobbies and jonghyun has to run back after fifteen minutes but,,,,
it’s enough for you two,,,,,
slowly you visit the hospital more and more until finally you and jonghyun share a first kiss near the doctors entrance to the parking lot and it’s,,,,not thE most romantic but jonghyun somehow makes it just that murmuring that after kissing you he wonders if your hearts went over 150 and you’re like jonghyun,,,,wouldnt i die
and he’s like im dying right now,,,,from your cuteness and you’re like pLEASE
dating resident!jonghyun: like most residents he doesnt have any time for real dates but jonghyun will put all of his power into making every visit of yours count, im not kidding he literally does the most of your time together whether its gifting you flowers he totally paid dongho 20 bucks to run out and buy on his lunch because he wanted to have something nice to give you but wouldnt be let off by the doctor to using his lab coat to shield you two from the other residents in the dorm when you get a couple of minutes longer and jonghyun wants to kiss you deeply and passionately but also theres like 5 other people in the room LOL, he tells you that if you ever miss him you can look up videos of squirtle - people say they look a like and you’re like if you’re squirtle am i pikachu??? and he’s like omg,,,,,yes,,,,,,that is our couple dynamic from now on, you learn very quickly that the charming, doctor to be that made your heart race is actually a Big Soft Dork, but you love it and you keep sneaking him in new comic books and snacks and every other resident is like jonghyun ask your significant other to get us stuff too and jonghyun can never say no so you end up having like a literal list of things to bring with you every damn time, you learn that jonghyun is selfless in the way he treats you like you are the only one that matters in the relationship, and tbh you dont like it because you want to show him that his needs are just as important as yours so even when jonghyun holds you in his arms and you feel that he’s trying to be polite you’re like “if you want you can put your hand-” jonghyun blushing like i,,,i shouldn- you: jonghyun we’re dating just do it if you want FGFDSg, you can tell the days that are the most hectic because jonghyun comes out to meet you with his hair a mess and his ID on sideways and you always fix him up and kiss his face and he refers to you as his sunlight in dark times and you’re like please you’re my sunlight you make me so proud (those words literally. melt him), is the type to have his family as his phone background and you’re like wow!! id love to meet your parents some day and jonghyun sheepishly admits he’s bragged about you already on the phone, adores it when you get fussy over him not taking his vitamins and not getting enough sleep and he’s always like ‘this is the life of a resident blah blah i cant stop till im the perfect doctor blah blah’ and you’re just holding his face in your hands like kim jonghyun your body is a temple - and not only your temple anymore but also mine because i love you and care about you so seriously dont overwork yourself every time, jonghyun never says it but seeing you scold him like that kind of gets him going and he always attacks you with kisses that show his urgency and you’re like !!! because as sensitive and gentle as jonghyun usually is sometimes something inside him comes out ;—) and it comes out to the point that you might have to hide your neck the next day lkdsjxcv, you wear jonghyun’s lab coat and stand next to minki and everyone is like ok now whose the best looking “doctor” and jonghyun chooses you and minki is DEVASTATED but minhyun is like finally,,,,someone has knocked minki off his high horse, jonghyun holding you around the waist cuddling his face into your neck completely ignoring everything else around you two: uhuh, he’s always saying sorry for things like sneezing our bumping into you by accident and you’re like kim jonghyun you angel you’re too good for me and this world and he’s like,,,well he’s like im sorry TT and you’re like if you say that again i will kiss you to shut u up (of course he says it again,,, and again,,,an again), you learned that he plays a lot of instruments and when he gets the chance he shows you videos of him and you’re like ,,,, how are you so talented and handsome and how am i so lucky and he’s like,,,,,,im the lucky one shh,,,,you guys are literally the ‘i love you more’ ‘no i love you more’ couple LOL, has a habit of licking his lips when he’s thinking and you’re like jonghyun dont do that around patients i feel like one of them might fall for you, dongho from somewhere: they all already fall for him, when he’s not doing his residency and you guys do get to go out you get to see cutest bf jonghyun in a soft cardigan and a warm smile and you’re like wow i love you so much you are like the human personification of wholesome goodness, jonghyun probably has a photo of you in his locker at the dorm that he talks to at the beginning of the day like ‘let make it through the day so our future is bright,,,,,my future with you’ LIKE HES THAT CUTE OK 
find other pd101 boys here: ong seongwoo | kang daniel | lee daehwinu’est boys here: minhyun 
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[01/12/18, Friday]
its day 11 it started out rocky again due alarm problems. what the hell! it's been ringing at 850! im supposed to be out the door by 850 or sooner but 850 is definitely the latest i can leave the house that i could speed into work. but mom needed me to come home anyway (yeah i work for my mom. its good work and i take it seriously and anyone who wants to look down on me for it can suck it; i'm doing the best i can right now with all the coliding mental stuff. i'll talk about later on in this entry) John left some of his notes on a certain issue one of our clients is having at the house and i picked them up. kind of lucky there. we loligagged a little. i took out our new pet bunny. she's surprisingly very cuddly for a bunny. i have no prior bunny experiences mind you but still. not what i expected from a large rodent. or any rodent or smaller than a cat like animal. my gliders are certainly not that well behaved though i don't expect it either, energetic and lithe creatures that they are. still she is more endearing than i anticipated. i still am not very fond of rabbits but this one is okay. we chatted for a minute about my baby sister's room. and i was off with the notes and to grab john some water and get gas (not in that order). fridays are my favorite because its a slow day and people generally dont bother me much.
the last bits of yesterday where kind of exhausting and i find myself really challenged by the excuitive function disorder i have. i kept thinking about where i want to put this or that and thought to myself, just do it! but ultimately didn't. i rewarded myself too early. to my credit, i was exhausted. but still. today i will try to work first THEN reward myself. it is a habit of mine and it enables my EFD (excuitive function disorder). so basicly i just played a lot of video games yesterday.
i just feel jittery and unfocused for right now. hopefully it will change.
the house is a mess of laundry. i am sensing a much needed "20 minutes of cleaning" (read: 120 minutes of cleaning) from mom which is a chance for attitude from everyone. not excited. so when i get home, i'll definitly clean first. i think i'll start with tiding up the dinning room because that's really how you can tell if the house is in dire straits. If the dinning room is messy then it is time for a family cleaning session. i didn't even make the mess. i would agree to cleaning the kitchen or do the laundry but nothing else, but that's not going to fly, really. i should either start in the music room or the dinning room... Probably the dinning because you see it when you walk in and its the most visible eye sore, and then the dinning and move to the kitcheny part the den, the den i'll leave to vannah and mom. savannah's stuff is littered across the floor and even for me, its agrovating to look at. but i have to remind myself that my baby sister is probably worse of than me when it comes to EFD and adhd. there is definitly going to be a fight about that, i can feel it. i hope im wrong though.
mom suggested i log what i end up eating. at the time, i was offended by the suggestion. sounds silly but you have to keep in mind the historical obsession about my weight and food intake my mother has expressed over the years, sense i was small and still very impressionable. i still don't really know what to make of it, all the dietary routine changes i was mad to go though and shamed for. i was 13! 14! 15! I was young and still growing. i was in an important part of my developing as a person and myself worth, and what did i learn? that im too thick. i didn't really think i was at the time, but how can i say no to the person driving me around and im not in charge of my destination? it was wholy unfair... im not really saying that this is the root of all my self-esteam issues but it didn't help. not only did my peers see me as imperfect and flawed, so did my family. its hard to think about. i try to forget. so therefore the suggestion of working out, of listing what i eat or anything else by mom is offensive initially. in hindsight, yeah it a good idea. i just hate to admit it because of the implications.
speaking of my peers, my social/educational/school experience in childhood? fucking. awful. about the time i was in 3rd grade i really started to notice people didn't like me much. i can't remember much else than that. i know i wasn't a popular person in 1st or 2nd grade and i'm not even going to count kindergarden, but 3rd grade is where most of my memory begins. my teacher didn't even like me then. said i was a trouble maker and a bad person. not to me, but she made the mistake of saying that to my mother. why did she say that? because i decided i was going to clean up the class room. she said i was a manipulitive little trouble maker for cleaning her class room. this is were my earliest descriminations against me and my adhd and learning disablities really begins and i remember it. forget about my peers for a moment; my teacher hated me for reasons i didn't even know or understand. i wasn't even that hyperactive like some with adhd, but i did have an issue with attention and being a little disruptive with my best friend. at the time, pokemon was the new wild thing and i was utterly obsessed my friend was too, but that was my doing. instead of paying attention, we were playing. i was just a kid being a kid. when it came to start doing the standardized state testing, no one explicitly stated how important these tests were. i seem to remember someone saying that they were just practice and didn't count towards a grade and i thought oh okay, so its okay to mess up. so much so, i chrismas treed the whole thing. the whole goddamn thing, i just put in random bubbles just because i wanted it done and out of the way of whatever. well. that was the catalyst to a lot of issues i had from then on. without the consent of my mother or any discussion to anyone, they placed me and my friend in a "special ed" class, where you basically just colored stuff and glued stuff together and what not. i was in this class for half of a year before our parents found out and were enraged. upon finding out, they rained hot fiery war upon the school, they tried to cover it by saying how worried they were, that weren't sure i could even read. they didn't do any testing. they didn't ask me or my mother anything. long story short, that's a lot of school i missed. it put me behind in reading for years until i was in 7th grade. from there i struggled because of the things i missed out on because a teacher didn't like the disabled child they were responcible for. i think about that a lot. i think about all the late nights being screamed at because i wasn't doing well and struggled in elementry school things. i remember certain things my mom did that i dont really wish to describe, but while school was a battle sometimes going home was worse. it wasn't always like that, but if mom was in a mood, it went there.
my peers were really no better. a throughout, i was very much picked on because i really liked certain things, and they were my hyperfixations. and i was weird and my teeth were wrong. some of my favorite things ive been called when in elementry school: a cockroach, r-slur, someone said they humped me (they didn't but it was still humiliating), called me useless, made fun of my teeth, made fun of me because i made eye contact with people by saying i had a crush on anyone i looked in the eye (it mortified me as a kid because i definitely did not like any of those assholes, i still struggle with this), i was told that 9/11 was my fault, people tried to cut my hair, people stole from me, spat on me.... it was rough. i'm going to stop talking about it for now.
mom, if you're reading this, then you're probably thinking wow, is this really all i think about? or wow i guess im just a terrible awful mom (or some reverse guilt trippin thing you tend to do to try and make me feel bad for validating myself and addressing what you do that hurts me, even though you're the adult and primarily in control of our relationship) or also wondering why i never talk like this about my father. my father doesn't know me. i am my dad's only child and all he knows about me is that im gay, what i went to college for, and basic likes and dislikes. beyond that, my dad doesn't know me. maybe its the same for my sisters and everyone else but im my dad's only child. i have no competition with him for attention.
i've also have been thinking about myself growing up and my relationship with my sisters. full disclosure: i was not as nice to my sister sabrina as i am today. i was mean. i acknowledge it and think about it all the time. i mean, i was no more a kid myself, but i wasn't nice at all. i didn't even think nicely of her. and worse, i was nicer to savannah than i was her, and im sure that killed her a bit. mom would talk, beg, for me to be nicer. i wasn't like her abusive sister, but it felt like i was taking notes. in part, i blame society and media for what learned about being a sibling. most media i saw and consumed growing up, siblings hated each other, were mean to each other and competed against one another for attention, even in cartoons, that's what i picked up on, and internalized, obviously. my parents obviously didn't do anything to reassure me of that not happening, but i can shoulder some of the responsibility. i have to keep reminding myself, and others that i was just only 8 or 9 or 10 when my sister was born and i already had all these thoughts in my head but by the time i was 13-14-15, it starts to  be a combined effort of me and my parents and upon 16-17-18, i made little to no move to change my ways. i sincerely regret it now. after college and being apart from my family for so long and learning powerful lessons on what stands against the grains of time the strongest, family - particularly my sisters - became the centerpiece of my life. in college i met some interesting people, but the most notable thing i remember hearing from some of them, was how much they hated their siblings, younger or older or otherwise. just hated them for whatever reason. im not sure what exactly i thought, except that i was tired of listening to people act like this and that i had sounded like this too. and after failing some classes and being abandoned by friends, i realized the most important connection i could make was to my siblings. from the moment i decided to stop bad-mouthing them, i embraced them, their quirks, and loved them with everything i had. i still get aggravated with them ofc bc yaknow, nothings perfect, but they were perfect as they were. all i wanted and still want to do is spend time with them. i constantly think on how i was when i was growing up, especially for my little sister sabrina. i wasn't kind, as if the i didn't even know the word. i apologize a lot for it. every so often, i take her aside to talk to her about it. im still afraid to full acknowledge just how much damage i might've caused, but its still my responsibility to make it right and to mend it. sabrina, bless her, tells me not to worry, that she understands, that she doesn't remember a lot, except for a few things that make me cringe at myself. i apologize a lot. even now i am still sorry. i hope i am making up for it. i hope she doesn't grow to resent me, as i likely deserve. i love her so much i just want her to be happy and fulfilled and safe. i hate myself for how i was.
and i worry. a lot. its not exactly the same, theres a lot of different aspects to their dynamics, but i sometimes see myself in how sabrina acts towards savannah and it worries me. savannah is a lot less forgiving. a lot closer to bina's age and therefore harder to impress later on should sabrina change her tune. they both go at it though. savannah gives as much sabrina does, and especially so that she's 13 and moody as 13 year old typically are. all the same, i feel like the example i led has won out to the example i try to lead now and it frightens me. i want all 3 of us to be close. for all we've suffered together, to be alone in the world once our parents are gone frightens the shit out of me. more than anything, i want us to remain close. all three of us. i worry a lot about our relationship with each other...
anyway, so yeah i'm currently living with and working for my parents. i do take the work seriously even if doesn't look it and im proud of my (few) acomplishments. and living with them has its ups and downs. it feels good on hand to start from the ground up on how to like. live. how to be a person. or something. sorry i know i was going to go into this, but the previous topic got me down a little. i'm changing the subject.
my desk came in early, and im excited to put it together. can't wait really.
eh. i'm bumbed. will consider the listing of foods i eat.
peace.
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patchworktail · 7 years
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ITS 4:30 AM AND I DONT FEEL LIKE SLEEPING so I’m gonna do this meme that i got tagged for twiCE and totally forgot to do til now!!!! (i had 2 dig through your blogs to find them omg)
ANYWAY i was tagged by both @mooitstimdrake​ and @cynessie​ (I MISS U BOTH BTW ❤)
RULES: Share 11 facts about yourself, answer 11 questions provided by the tagger, tag 11 awesome people and leave 11 questions for them to answer!
(I’m gonna skip tagging people/asking 11 questions - 1) because I’m lazy 2) because a lot of people who I would tag either have already been tagged or woN’T DO IT and 3) I have to answer two sets of 11 questions anyway so I’ll let one of those sets take the place of my 11 questions!!)
11 Facts
I was supposed to leave to move into my college 3 days ago but since my college is in Savannah they pushed off move-in/orientation for a weEK BECAUSE OF HURRICANE IRMA AND I’M STILL UPSET/DISAPPOINTED
That being said I’m about to start as a college freshman at art school, planning on majoring in animation! :D
I binged all of Buzzfeed Unsolved in like 2 days and I fuckin LOVE IT
Also BNHA is like my current main obsession???? I fell in love w that anime and uhhhh I’d Die For My Kids
I almost never use skype anymore - I’m always on Discord now (mutuals may add me just message me if you want my tag :3c)
I loooove creating OCs and my main OC is a forest elf named Rally and he’s precious and I LOVE HIM AND COULD TALK ABOUT HIM FOR HOURS (also my best friend @/harpxer and I have a huge ongoing rp with him and her mountain elf oc, Kahl!! they’re really gay)
Hmmm fun fact I guess I’ve been involved with internet communities since I was 10 years old and I made my very first internet friend when I was 10 and we’re still great friends and talk p much every day to this day (hi @/fiishr)
I want a tattoo super bad but idk what I’d geT
I worked at a jewelry engraving stand at an amusement park this summer and one night I accidentally gave myself a 1st degree burn on my finger from the hot glue gun and it hurt So Bad
I had my graduation party this July and it was really fun but the best part was when 14 of us played this giant game of spoons and it got really intense, made worse by people randomly screaming during it, and then we collectively decided to blast hardcore rap music from the speakers and Let Me Tell You i have not been involved in a more stressful card game in my LIFE
I’ll always always always fall for the hero/happy character/protagonist basically....idk what it is about me but I’m so Predictable...I love cute optimistic brave characters who just wanna do Right.....I don’t cARE IF PEOPLE THINK THEY’RE BORING I THINK THEY’RE PERFECT AND AMAZIGN AND I LOVE THEM
AS FOR AN EXTRA 12TH FACT ABOUT ME AS U CAN SEE I WRITE WAY TOO MUCH AND ALSO I’M THE BIGGEST OVERSHARER E V E R IT’S SO BAD SOMEONE STOP ME
ANYWAY ONTO THE QUESTIONS :3c
@mooitstimdrake​‘s Questions:
If you were to make a new blog dedicated to one single thing (fandom, hobby/activity, etc) what would it be? Honestly, right at the moment probably BNHA!!!! it’s legit my most recent big obsession and I love it?? so much???
If you could have any kind of animal as a pet, what would you have? A RACCOON!!!!!!!!!!!!! I LOVE THEM SOSOSOSOSOS MUCH and some people actually do have them as pets! They can be difficult though but WORTH IT
Who was your favorite teacher and why were they your favorite? OH BOY......I’m gonna say it’s a tie between my AP studio art teacher and my AP US government teacher from this past year, my senior year! My AP art teacher because our class was super tiny, 12 kids, and it really felt like a family?? She was a-okay with letting us all goof around and say weird shit, she was really chill and funny and like. part teacher, part friend, which was always nice. As for my AP gov teacher, he was SO. FUCKING. FUNNY. OH MAN. NOT EVEN ON PURPOSE he just like? put up with SO MUCH? we had some real character kids in that class and my teacher’s reactions were HILARIOUS. he had a sarcastic streak too so his responses were equally as funny when someone did something weird. He would say the funniest stuff just ask @/harpxer I would tell her so many stories from that class sohboshrb. Aside from the humor that class was really interesting, and he’s a really good, invested teacher - he wanted us to learn, he’s super passionate about government and history, and he always started off each class with 2 current events which was really nice and helped me learn more about things happening in the world too!!! overall that was like my fav non-art class I’ve ever taken!!!!
What’s your guilty pleasure (and I’m challenging you not to say some kind of food)? HMMMMM. Honestly I’m gonna go ahead and say really cheesy or lame movies/shows (like, Disney channel movies, dumb shows - like the one summer I watched all of Glee LOL, stuff like that). Like yeah I know 90% of it is terRIBLE but it’s still amusing/lighthearted stuff that makes me happy KLSDJVLSDHB
Favorite pizza topping? EXTRA CHEESE IF THAT COUNTS, if not then pepperoni!!
What’s the last thing you bought (that wasn’t food)? I’ve actually been buying a lot the past few weeks in prep for college/spending a little money for ONCE since I worked all summer. I got a bunch of boring stuff but the things I’m most excited about are: two posters I got for my dorm (The Office is one and one is Lord Huron), a giant wall tapestry (it’s Up themed!!!), tWO BNHA/POKEMON CHARMS THAT CAME TODAY AND EVERY TIME I LOOK AT THEM I START CRYING BC THEYRE SO CUTE, and oh my GOD I BOUGHT THIS GIANT PILLOW FROM TARGET AND IT IS THE SINGLE SOFTEST THING I’VE EVER FELT AND IT’S HUGE AND IT IMMEDIATELY BECAME MY #1 COMFORT OBJECT AND TOP FIVE FAV THINGS IVE EVER BOUGHT!!!!!! I guess MOST recently though I just bought Clip Studio Paint online today (art program) since it’s on sale for 50% off and I’ve heard great things about it!
What upcoming movies/tv shows are you looking forward to? UHHHHH as for movies... justice league part 1, the incredibles 2, kingsman 2, the neW POKEMON MOVIE I CHOOSE YOU, probably a lot more I can’t remember rn. AS FOR SHOWS HMMM I’m...excited for the next season of the good place and izombie, and oh I’m excited for the punisher netflix show!! and the next season of voltron of COURSE!!! and next season of stranger things!! probably more I’m forgetting too tbh
Any recommendations (this could be anything just throw your best pitch at me)? JFISDJKLBJ I DON’T KNOW OMG tbh rachel you watch a lot of the same things I do already LMAOOO
What’s your favorite thing to wear that you own? OH FUCK I DUNNO HMMM I really like wearing my various leggings and scarves, but as like a Single Item....I like wearing....uhhhh I have this giANT sweater like it’s WAY too big for me but it’s so COMFY and I love it. I also love wearing my Star Labs sweatshirt bc it’s soft and comfortable
What was your first pet? my cat!!! we took her in as a stray kitten living in our backyard when I was like. 2 or 3 and so we’ve basically had her my whole life!!
If you could learn any language, what would it be? UHHHHHH honestly probably spanish - I took it 4 straight years and was okay at it in class but one year went by with me not taking it and I forgot everything LOOOL I’m...bad....at languages....
@cynessie‘s Questions:
Where is the coolest place you’ve ever been? I haven’t been many cool places :( I guess the coolest isssss I dunno it depends? Lake George is where I go on vacation every year, I LOVE NYC, I love Savannah too and it’s where I’m gonna be for college so?? ?? ?  ? I’VE NEVER BEEN OUT OF THE COUNTRY AND I’M SAD BUT I’M POOR AND CAN’T AFFORD IT
What was the first thing you remember wanting to be when you grew up? veterinarian!! 
Look to your right. What do you see? a dirty plate on my desk, my bed just past that, and my CHARMS THAT CAME TODAY THAT ARE SO CUTE I CRY EVERY TIME I SEE THEM
What are you procrastinating on? ajkldjboidj lik e 4 art commissions,,,, and 7 MAP parts,,,, and my pre-work for 2 of my classes,,,,,,,and cleaning my room,,,, and sending thank-you notes to relatives,,, SOMEONE KICK MY ASS AND MAKE ME DO SHIT
Which family member are you closest too and what is their name? UHHHH.... I guess my younger brother Luke? or maybe my mom? I’m not on bad terms with anyone though, I love both my older brothers too and we all have a good sibling relationship I just talk more with my younger bro I think - second closest would be with my second older brother Connor!
What’s the last song you listened to? I’m listening to Ultralife by Oh Wonder right now :3c I’ve been on a huUUGE Oh Wonder kick lately!!
What do you generally carry in your bag/pockets when you go out? my wallet (w my license and money and debit card and all), travel size lotion, phone, and chap stick!!
What is one thing you are excited for? FINALLY GETTING TO COLLEGE NEXT WEEK AND STARTING CLASSES FJIODFHINBDFHBNSBO
Do you believe in ghosts? I’m gonna hesitantly say YES but I’m not 100% convinced I don’t think
What is a skill you want to learn? MAYBE THIS IS WEIRD but I think learning how to act would be kinda neat. On a more realistic note I wish I could learn to exercise without dying
Tell me a joke. I’M BAD AT JOKES DON’T DO THIS TO ME NESSIE!!!!!!!!!!!!!
SO YEAH THAT’S ALL FOLKS it’s 5am now...Nice..... :’) I love my ability to stay up obscenely late while also getting Nothing Done JLSDNVDHAGHVDLAK
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