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longhardtransitionreturns · 2 months

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Author's note: This is birth and medical fiction. It's all fake, just a fantasy. Of course I don't want this to happen to me or anyone in real life.

I'd like to have a high risk twin pregnancy. The type where I have to fight my obstetrician to let me try to give birth vaginally and then they try to insist I have an epidural so they can cut into me without delay if something goes wrong. I'll finally get them to agree to let me try it natural if I am invasively monitored throughout and I understand I'm going under general anesthesia the second things go south.

When the day comes for me to be induced, I change into a hospital gown & follow nurses instructions as they put IV ports in both of my wrists. I'm catheterized -- a situation that isn't made any more pleasant by the twinges already squeezing my middle -- and by the time I'm being strapped into the stirrups for the doctor to swipe my membranes, I'm so trussed up I can barely move.

It's my first pregnancy & I didn't expect it to hurt so much just to be pregnant. My hips have been sore practically the whole nine months, in part because of how heavy and low I am carrying the twins. Baby A practically lodged himself between my hips last week and the pressure has been slowly increasing. My breasts are cumbersome and it's painful to even feel the hospital gown brush against my areolas. By the time the doctor is settling between my legs to start my labor, I'm eager to face whatever delivery holds for me to make this pregnancy end.

I'm singing a whole different tune 16 hours later. Or rather, screaming one at the top of my lungs. I am in the throes of transition and suffering the pinnacle of a truly agonizing labor. Baby A is posterior and the pain in my back has me at the edge of my sanity, especially now that the contractions are lasting for 90 seconds, with barely a minute in between.

I'm incoherent at this point. I'm in so much pain I'm only able to think about surviving the second I am living. I'm minimally aware when the nurses move my aching body back into the stirrups so I can push my son into the world. I bear down at their direction and it feels like my ass is gonna bust when his head plunges down.

What actually happens is his precious posterior facial features lodge against my clit as a desperate push shoves him just past crowning and my poor little nub starts to sting. It feels like it's being ripped off and I'm humiliated to find I'm begging my doctor to save my clitoris while I'm straining a massive baby out of me.

I don't know how long I howl a about the pain in my clitoris but the next thing I know the doctor is roughly pulling the shoulders and then the body out of my hole, tearing me more in the process.

I'm aware that my aching canal is empty for the moment. I don't realize I am gaped so badly my asshole is almost inverted. It stings something fierce as birth fluids continue to pour out of my loose, sopping cunt. I start to cry when I realize I am still going to have to push Baby B through my ruined pussy.

I drift in and out of consciousness, occasionally aware of the sharp stab of a contraction. I wake fully to a nurse tapping my cheek to see if I've passed out. When I force my eyes open, she informs me Baby B isn't face down anymore and the doctor is about to perform an internal version. She tells me to brace myself because it will be uncomfortable.

I didn't fully realize the medical actuality of an internal version was for a grown man to stick his entire grown man hand through my cervix and into my uterus. I'm in such utter agony I barely register that the nurses are holding me down by my arms and where my thighs are not strapped to the stirrups. I am experiencing the most pain I have experienced up to this point in my life and it seems to last forever.

I never stop screaming, even when they put a mask pumping gas over my face to try to give me some relief, but the tenor of my yell changes when something shifts and then I feel something rip deep inside of me.

Suddenly all the pain that has come before pales in comparison to what I am suddenly feeling in my abdomen. It is indescribable burning combined with a sudden sense of dread that takes over my body. I am 100% certain that my reproductive organs just gave way with my daughter trapped inside me and I am going to die if something isn't done very, very soon.

It must only be minutes, maybe not even that long, that I lay there while the medical team catches up to the realization that me and my baby are in mortal danger. Time slows down and I feel the rip in my uterus expanding as the contractions, one on top of another now, injure me more by the second. Despite no medical knowledge, I know instinctively that the renewed flood out of my pussy is blood and I am hemorrhaging, possibly to death.

I am utterly helpless now. Strapped down in stirrups, paralyzed by pain, my strength seeping from me as fast as the blood flowing between my legs. I faintly register the monitors start to alarm as I lose the battle with consciousness and my world goes dark.

*******

I wake up groggy and disoriented on a stretcher being wheeled somewhere. I immediately start to panic because there is a tube down my throat and I am really, brutally aware of a long, deep vertical incision that extends from above my belly button down to my public bone. I swear I can feel the layers upon layers they sliced through to deliver my baby. I won't know until later about the battle the surgeons waged, first to save my life and then to save my fertility.

Right now I am only aware of how much it hurts to be jostled on a stretcher with a massive cut down my middle. When the two male nurses move me into the bed, I plead for unconsciousness as my body is roughly transferred to a bed. My tailbone hits the mattress and reverberates in the form of a sharp pain through my pussy. I've still got a catheter and I feel like every inch down there has been stitched up.

I hope one of these nurses will realize I am aware and therefore in indescribable pain but it seems like the paralytic they gave me before intubating me is the only drug of the cocktail still in effect. I suffer as they lift my hips and put a pillow under my butt. Then they start taking off my hospital gown completely.

My confusion quickly turns to fear as one gloved hand on each side grabs one of my fat titties and starts tugging. Breast pumps are whipped out and the men make quick work of shoving as much of my massive milkers in to each before turning them on simultaneously.

My uterus, even after the brutal surgical repair, still tries to respond to my milk suddenly dropping. The pain of contracting after uterine repair and a cesarean combined with the sudden gush of warm pressure on my aching tits brings tears to my eyes. I must be a strange sight: intubated and naked, massive breasts attached to pumps, with my deflated belly sporting a huge incision hanging above a pussy so bruised and stitched it looks entirely purple.

The elder nurse pats my naked thigh just before he makes to leave. It jostles everything and our eyes meet as I wince at the pain it causes me. A chill runs through my body as I realize he knows I am awake and feeling way more than I should be.

He looks at me the entire time he lubes his gloved fist, a sinister smile on his face. He settles between my legs and pauses to look up at me again.

"I bet you wish you'd had that epidural, huh, dear?"

My vision goes white as I feel his whole fist plunge into my pussy with a force absolutely intended to cause me a fatal amount of pain. My vision goes white and I feel pressure building in my chest as the stitches holding my cervix together start ripping. The last thought I have before I go into cardiac arrest is how I don't want to my last memory to be of being brutally fisted in my obliterated, post-birth pussy while my heart explodes in my chest.

#birth kink #labor and delivery #maesiophilia #preggo kink #painful birth #giving birth #birth #hospital birth #medfet #pregnant #surgical fet #surgery #dark cardiophilia #dark medfet

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whiteskullofroses · 5 months

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Hi! I saw that you accept request for Baldwin IV. If you do still accept, could you pls write one where y/n and Baldwin would stay up too late talking to each other until one falls asleeps? Thanks 💕

Hi there thank you for the request! And to clarify, you can always request any characters you want❤️ Enjoy!

LATE NIGHT TALK

Baldwin Iv x reader

It was a cold night in Jerusalem. You were walking around the palace gazing up at the stars and thinking about life when all of a sudden, a familiar voice grabbed your attention: "Y/N!" He called out to you from his room. It was all lit up with candles so you could see his shape clearly: "Care to join me?" The young king's voice sounded so energetic, even though it was already midnight. You answered: "With pleasure!" And happily headed out to his quarters.

Once you reached the hallway that led to his room, you noticed that the door was already opened for you but still, you knocked on the wood to make your presence known.

He turned from his desk to look at you. His mask shone from the candles around him and made his blue eyes sparkle.

"Care for a round?" Baldwin gestured towards the chess set and sat down at the table. "Y/n" Sitting down and listening to his words "I've missed you tonight. I rarely see you these days."

You smiled and replied: "Work has been incredibly tiring," taking a sip of some wine a servant poured: "I've hardly found any time for friends."

Baldwin leaned closer to you: "Well now it's the time. Relax."

You started the chess game and asked: "How come weren't you at the banquet last Monday?"

The King moved a pawn and sighed: "I had an unexpected meeting which I couldn't miss."

Nodding, you moved on since you didn't want to trouble him with hard topics so late in the night.

"Have you read any new poetry lately?" Asking him like you always do, you always loved to listen to him talk about the things he was passionate about, one of them being literature.

Whether it be myths from across Europe containing dragons and other mystical beings or poetry that many saw as simple, however from a trained eye's perspective it was true art projected onto paper.

"Yes, I've read this wonder piece from a book from France Preseren called 'Poezije'" Grabbing the book from a nearby chair and flipping through it, Baldwin proclaimed: "Would you like to hear it?"

"I'd love to, Baldwin." You supported your head with your elbow on the table, as the late hours of the night cut into your brains. "Where did you get it from?"

"I believe I got this book as a gift from my sister when she visited Carniola."

Finally, he started reading, his voice soft as ever:

Fresh flowers will spread fragrance far and near,

Like roses when the winter's passed away.

Your eyelids became heavier and heavier with every word he spoke:

And spring displays its marvelous array,

While through the trees white scattered blossoms peer

Your breathing became deeper, with waves of relaxation washing through your body. All of a sudden you felt like you were 10 years old again, when your mother used to read you books to help you fall asleep.

All this time away from your parents and away from your childhood made you forget how soothing it was and how much you enjoyed it.

Baldwin continued reading the poem whilst you were drifting off into peaceful sleep, right there on his 'chess table'.

He hardly noticed you falling asleep right opposite to him as he was focusing on the text he was reading. But when he finished reading the poem and looked up from the book, he realized you slept through half of it.

He chuckled to himself. Baldwin wasn't mad or annoyed with you, rather he felt a sort of fulfillment that he managed to get you to fall asleep.

For a moment he just sat there, staring at you. You didn't know it at the time but he admired you deeply. For your intelligence and your beauty. He found that this was one of the times he could truly silently look at you and not feel bad about it.

Whenever he would catch himself gazing upon you he would get this guilt deep in his chest. He felt as though it was appropriate for him to look at you when the two of you were just colleagues.

So he slowly walked up to you and carefully picked you up. Walking up to his bed and laying you down in the middle, he knew he couldn't sleep there that night, that would be simply too much.

He decided to go and spend the night in the guest room. Just as he was about to leave your side, you woke up and grabbed him by the wrist, gently but enough so he could feel it.

"Baldwin, stay."

THE END.

#baldwin iv #baldwin iv x reader #kingdom of heaven

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awoogayanderes · 6 months

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chapter four : the same boy

➪ sypnosis : you see him again, in a similar predicament that he was in the first time

➪ other notes : finally some actual dazai in this story, school has been beating my ass and i’ve been so busy

➪ warnings : graphic attempt of overdose, i apologize if my depiction of overdose isn’t correct, i tried my very best

➪ prologue | chapter one | chapter two | chapter three | chapter four

maybe the boss recommended it, or maybe mori started noticing the growing interaction you and the old man had but nevertheless mori stopped making you his 24/7 nurse. your routine slowly went back to what you considered normal. apart from a few checkups per week, you didn’t interact with the old boss anymore, no more actual conversations.

now you’d stay home alone on most nights, not that you minded, it was just odd not having mori sleeping in the futon five feet away from you. it wasn’t that you missed caring for the old man, but in a way you felt guilty. guilty that you knew he’d die anyway, whether it be by mori’s manipulation or not. how could you simply just go on with your life when you knew everything.

you quietly hummed to yourself, holding two paper bags, one in each hand. you were almost home, just a few hundred feet left. but you stilled, dropping your grocery bags in the process. it happened again. you saw the same boy you saw months ago convulsing on the concrete sidewalk. snapping out of your shock, you ran to him, immediately intending to pick him up, or at least drag him.

struggling to unlock the door, the boy started foaming at the mouth. you didn’t have much time, you needed to act now. finally getting the door unlocked, you sprinted towards the kitchen, leaving the boy in the middle of the doorway. getting a narcan spray from the cabinet, you ran back. his face was paling more and more each second that passed by.

he stayed still, you would have thought he were dead if it wasn’t for his shallow breathing. with shaking hands, you put the spray in his nostril, shooting it up. he stopped breathing for a second before opening his eyes and gasping for full breaths of air. then he panicked when he saw you, eyes widened. “it’s okay, it’s okay, you’re okay,” you immediately say.

even though you had technically saved his life, you needed to get his vitals back to normal, you needed to take care of him. “just calm down, breathe, you’ll be fine,” you drag him, slower this time so he won’t be alarmed. he’d pass out soon once you got him connected to an IV. “didn’t…work…huh,” he spoke, voice raspy and quiet, you simply shook your head.

hours passed by since you hooked him up, an oxygen mask over his face. mori still hadn’t come home, it was already nighttime, the moon brightly and proudly showing. you made yourself a very late dinner, back turned to your ‘patient.’ you knew the doctor wouldn’t be happy that you saved that same boy again, he already had a bad first impression of him.

“you shouldn’t turn your back on people,” the person behind you spoke. “four hours, less than what i expected,” you turn around, seeing the boy sit up on the cot you provided him. “this is the second time we meet, well third according to you,” he says looking at his surroundings. “osamu dazai, the boy obsessed with killing himself yet can’t succeed,” dazai only scowls.

“i didn’t ask for you to save me,” dazai angrily says. you never had seen someone so angry to be alive, normally the people who have attempted to commit suicide, realize their worth after the first or maybe second time. but no, this was completely different. the hatred in his eyes proved that he wasn’t joking. you couldn’t help but curiously stare at him.

“i know,” you responded to his frustrated words. grabbing a plate and putting some food on it, you handed it to him. “you don’t have to eat, but if you throw it on the floor, i’ll make you clean it up with a toothbrush,” you gave a simple threat calmly. but he didn’t throw it, he just looked at it before putting it in his mouth, chewing slowly, crumbs falling on the floor.

“you can stay till morning, or leave, your decision,” you said, eating your food quickly, too tired to deal with anything else. not a peep came out of dazai’s mouth but he seemed to be thinking. how you would explain to mori that you saved the same boy again ? absolutely no clue. if you had luck, dazai would leave before mori came back. but is luck actually your ally ?

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the-s1lly-corner · 4 months

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Hello! Merry Chirtmas ! İ just love your blog and can't stop thinking about it ! So, how would tadc react to a female kid reader ? That little girl is cheerful elegant little lady and wear nice Pink dress with bows! She comforted Gangle by saying "don't be sad ! İ love you !" And put some sticker on her mask ! Oh and saying i love you to them before leaving. When Jax is doing something bad she says "Don't be mean! you silly rabbit!"

Caine, Gangle, Zooble, Pomni w/ sweet!kid!reader (platonic)

doing these characters since the wheel chose it (ominously) not sure how much i'll write today but i got a little more in the inbox compared to these past few days so i plan on working that down

CAINE:

basically treats you like his own kid but hes never been a dad before so hes still learning; torn between him being over protective of you or thinking you're indestructible (which... technically you are as long as youre in the digital world). i think he finds your sweetness adorable, though if theres someone in the circus being mean to you (surprisingly i dont think jax would be too mean. a little bit of a butt? yeah but its not much different than an older brother picking on their younger sibling) i think he would pipe up and not shut up until you get an apology. starts watching IHAs more now that you're here, both to see how youre doing but also to make sure its not too crazy for you.. cant help but let the big scary monster/trial pass when you run up to it being nice. literally just snaps the thing out of existence/away/wherever. loves seeing the look of triumph on your face afterwards

POMNI:

nice towards you and probably over time keeps a closer eye on you but in the beginning i think its more like. you following her like a duckling since shes busy trying to find an exit. honestly i think pomni would have a hard time when it sinks in that theres a little kid here in the circus. how did you get here? when did you get here? i think thats what would prompt her in trying to connect with you, thus you gain another guardian figure! sticking true my idea of pomni being uneasy around kids because they can be gross and have no filter and be unpredictable i think at first she would be a little... tense around you, but overtime becomes more comfortable when she realizes youre not like that. definitely going to take a while, though.. shrugs

GANGLE:

definitely finds you sweet, lets you hang around in her room and mess with her art supplies. probably cries harder when you try to make her feel better after jax does something, usually something that leaves her with a broken comedy mask. i dont think she would let you confront jax about it, though... she appreciates the sentiment but shes not about to make it look like she sent a little kid to defend her, thats only going to give jax even more ammo even if you stood up for her on your own. sometimes lets you put stickers on her mask or glitter... ponders.. i think she reads stories to you too, every night

ZOOBLE:

i think ive already said this before but zooble gives off such older sibling energy, and i cant really explain it other than its just the personality and looks... but i guess that doesnt explain much. shrugs. sweet younger sibling, cool but indifferent older sibling. or at least you think theyre cool. and you tell them every chance you guy. i think they would just give a weird "thaaanks.." the first few times before fully leaning into the older sibling role. dont get me wrong like before they wouldnt just leave you wandering around alone during an IHA, hell i dont think they would there wasnt one going on.. but they wouldnt go out of their way to hang out with you.. but eventually they just kind of keep a closer eye on you. check in on you. ask what youre up to. theyre not attached to you by the hip but theyre definitely present in your life as a role model. tries to make you be less nice, gives you the talk that not everyone is nice and sometimes some people fake being nice in order to get what they want. but in kid terms, obviously... well not little kid terms i still think zooble would be blunt but they wouldnt be harsh

#tadc x reader #the amazing digital circus x reader #digital circus x reader #caine x reader #caine x you #pomni x reader #pomni x you #gangle x reader #gangle x you #zooble x reader #zooble x you

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disruptivevoib · 24 days

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hi! ive listened to some of chonny jash's songs but did not realize that there was really a story? Or i vaguely knew but didn't have the time/energy to get into it and with the release of the bidding animation ive realized theres like a bajillion awesome animations and art and i want to get into cccc but have no clue how. also why does soul have a trident.

OH man!

The story of CCCC has an overall seeming narrative, but much of it's smaller points are interpretive due to Jash himself leaving it up to fans of the album. But! Overall it kind of goes like:

-Jash or, what most people call Whole, splits as due to mental dissonance and waning mental health. (Time Machine Reprise).

- Whole fades into Soul (End of TMR into Dream) and from there its Mucka Blucka as a sort of introductory song. The recap for a story you have or haven't heard yet.

- (The entire album is a time loop! Which is a big metaphor for the cycles of mental health and illness people go through.)

- From there its the section called "Cacophony" which starts off with Soul, but eventually it turns to Heart and Mind + their fighting and inability to see or listen to one another or their points of view. Of course, as Logic and Emotion, they both have valid ideas or opinions, but believe themselves so contradictory that the other must be evil or out to get them.

- Heart attempts to shoot Mind, as referred to in Ruler of Everything. Literal or Metaphorical as you take this, it is seemingly symbolic for an attempt at one's own life if not self sabotage. If not then both.

- The rest up until Soul Eclectic is sort of just the Mind and Heart fighting and their own personal views each on the situation.

- Soul in The Soul Eclectic reaches his breaking point. Threatening to kill them all (A more direct attempt at suicide)

- Mind and Heart in the subsequent songs decide to get their shit together.

- (Two Wuv) Soul realizes that not only can they be happier now but that trying to force themselves to conform to society's ideas of mental health or belief or love is just plainly unbeneficial. Sort of a song about unapologetically being yourself.

- Welcome To Tally Hall is a tribute to Tally Hall themselves more than anything.

- This transfers into Concord soon after! Concord is Whole or Jash by himself, though many of the songs seem to carry themes from Cacophony in them. Self sabotage, disagreement, importance placed on the wrong thing, the idea that no one person is better off than another. It concludes with Taken for a Ride. Which is also sort of CJ's epic "im burnt out as hell" song towards the end. But exaggerated to my knowledge for lyrical shenanigans.

That is CCCC as neutrally told as best as possible. I highly recommend forming your own ideas on it, but I'd be happy to also discuss more in depth my opinion on each song should you or anyone else express interest!

Getting into the Trident: The fandom took the metaphor of "Tridential Sovreignty" and "This trident he formed (found? Lyrics.) is both weapon and motive" and said "Soul's got a trident" to which Jash responded with "Absolutely yes he does now" Same with the crown most people put Mind in, and that is referenced in the "Trident, Crown and Blindfold" line.

Soul really did get noose imagery, a trident and a mask. All Heart n Mind got were a blindfold and crown. Lmao

Though Heart is also commonly drawn with wings. Which is semi-canonical according to album covers. I choose to ignore them because I don't particularly have an attachment to the idea!

Getting into the fandom itself, I can recommend looking around for the Chonny Jash Fan Server (CJFS) Discord link. But it can be extremely intimidating and even I just stick to discussion and one other thread channel. (Sides from my au channels which pop up every once a month or so).

Important note is that only Tally Hall covers have to do with HMS. Any of Jash's other music (of which I highly recommend, always) is unrelated. There is also a fan QnA somewhere that was done like a year ago now which has some neat answers in it.

I, again, am happy to go into my interpretations of HMS and the music as a whole but skdmsm saved you the reading hopefully should that be undesired!

#chonnys charming chaos compendium #asks #voidthoughts #i def reccomend looking at analysis of the album too! calamarispider has good ones but idrm if kai ever put them here or if it kept them on #twitter only #i have my own but its been taking me too long so lol maybe people asking would help motivate me OSNFJSNS

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kamakazih8syou · 1 year

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"let's go home" Ghost x GN!reader

PREMISE: Ghost gets a little tipsy and forgets that he's talking to his lovely partner

PAIRINGS: Ghost x GN!reader

WARNINGS: talks of being drunk, alcohol consumption

AN: THANK YALL SM FOR THE LOVE!! PLS GIVE ME STUFF TO WRITE ABT, MY ASK BOX IS WIDEE OPEN this is also a little short but ive been in a little writers block :(

You rarely ever get a day off. Like, ever.

You are always busy, always working, always on your feet. Your free time is spent with your husband, Simon and even days where the both of you are free, your days usually get cut short by missions, getting called in for last minute work, etc etc... Today was different.

You and 141 were going out for drinks as you usually do when a mission is over, you went back home, freshened up, and put on a nicer outfit then your gear. As you walk to the car you get bombarded with texts from Soap and Gaz saying how you needed to "Get your slow ass over to the pub" You chuckle at the text, and you back out of your parking space.

You walk into the pub and you immediately notice something is off, the boys are much louder then they would usually have been when, from their corner of the bar you hear them cheering in celebration and laughing. That's when you hear it Ghosts laugh.

Ghost tries to be stoic, rarely letting himself slip up and letting himself show any emotion that isn't neutrality or anger. At most, he lets out a soft chuckle to one of his own unfunny dark jokes, or to you trying to make him laugh in public. This was different. He was having a hearty laugh at something you couldn't even fathom, it was probably an unfunny joke being completely fair. You smile when you walk up behind him and brush his arm in the way you always do to let him know its you.

"Hey, ease up. I got someone back home" Simon says roughly, he pulls his arm away from your hand. You attempt to say ,"Ghost its me-" but you are cut off with a harsh "Yeah pal whatever you say, just keep your hands off. I don't want you, i'm waiting for my partner." You chuckle, realizing that Simon may have had a little too much to drink, and you decide to play along as you slide into the seat next to him. "Oh my, I didn't realize you were taken! Tell me more about this partner" You say with a smile. Simon responds by clearing his throat, "Well, they're amazing for one. They reign hell on anything they attempt to do and I honestly don't think I could even try to do half the shit they do. They're always working so hard for everyone and I can't- I don't even think I could imagine a life without them. I didn't think I could love someone before them but... here they are, proving me wrong every single day." Simon takes a sip of his whiskey, and looks at you long and hard.

"You kinda... look like them" Ghost says while squinting his eyes, almost as if he's trying to play a game of, "Guess the Difference" in his head.

"What's yer... what's yer name love?", Simon says, slurring his drunken words.

You sigh and kiss his masked cheek, " Let's get you home Si.", You say with a little laugh; You grab his hand and lead him to your car.

"I didn't think you had that many nice things to say about me Si, you really know how to flatter someone", You say as you're driving. You think Simon is sleeping, his body rested softly on your passenger door as you make your way home.

"Mmmm, I meant every word dear..... you're amazin and I wouldn't change you for a thing...", His words are strung together and are filled with sleep. You love it when he's like this, when he's relaxed and calm. When it seems like all his worries and his past has drifted away for the time being. When he opens up and lets down his walls he's built around his heart. Simon has never been an open man, but when he is? He never fails to charm you. You love Simon.

You love days like these.

#ghost x you #ghost x y/n #ghost mw2 #simon riley x reader #simon ghost riley #simon riley x you #cod mw2 #cod mw2 imagine #ghost x reader #cod x reader #ghost is so babygirl

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commander-rahrah · 5 months

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Talking to the Moon: Part IV

Pairing: Astarion x GN!Reader Word Count: ~4700 Warnings: swearing, PTSD, trauma, past/implied abuse, fluff, angst, emotional hurt/comfort

archiveofourown: here

masterlist: here

part I: here part II: here part III: here

Summary: Set at the end Act II in the Gauntlet of Shar. Shadowheart finally faces Reader/Tav's blessing from Selûne in the temple of her dark mistress.

Notes: We finally got to the angsty part between Reader and Shadowheart muahaha. I've had a couple of these lines stuck in my head FOREVER. Does anyone else play the game and immediately start thinking of the scenario and more detailed dialogue for their specific Tav?? No.. just me? ahaha...

Also — Shadowheart rejects Shar in this, as an FYI. If that isn’t your cup of tea or prefer other decisions, etc. that is your discretion for your own game, etc.! For the purpose of my fic and this specific Tav, that is the route I took and don’t want it to be a debate! 👍🏽 Cause I know that happens in fandom sometimes - and that’s not what this fangirl is about baby!

I also just really really love the idea of letting Astarion and Reader/Tav explore things sloooooooooowly. Like little tiny fingertip touches and touching shoulders. I think that Astarion being emotionally vulnerable with someone first and slowly building up to being physical intimate is just MUAH chef’s kiss.

ANYWAYS Ted talk over — Thank you so much for reading and interacting! It means so much to me ♡♡♡

.·:¨༺ ༻¨:·..·:¨༺ ༻¨:·..·:¨༺ ༻¨:·..·:¨༺ ༻¨:·..·:¨༺ ༻¨

“Tell me another thing.”

It was Astarion’s new favorite game — asking for you to confide in him, to tell him about how you see him. The things that made you fall for him.

Each one had made him feel more and more seen. More and more safe. Some had been surprising characteristics he would have never assigned to himself — but you had explained them so earnestly that he couldn’t help but believe you. You had said he was strong, that he had more strength than he realized. That he was funny (obviously). That he was open-minded.

He was collecting the compliments and observations, letting them stroke the flame inside of him that he had long thought dead.

“Hmmm…,” You were sat on the worn, dirty floor leaning against a crumpling wall. The group was taking a moment to rest after another harrowing trial in Shar’s Gauntlet. Squinting your eyes you pretended to study him, before speaking, “I like how materialistic you are.”

“Oh." Something akin to shame flooded through him. "I don’t like this one, pick another.”

A chuckle escaped you, shaking your head. “That’s not how this works.”

The vampire frowned at your laughter, “This one seems like some back handed compliment." He turned his nose up, trying to mask the small twinge of pain spreading in his chest, "Just tell me I’m pretty instead.”

You finally recognized the hurt, the smile vanishing from your face. “Astarion, I swear it's not a backhanded compliment. It’s something I genuinely like.” You sounded earnest, you looked solemn.

He met your wide eyes, nodding as he believed you. “Hmph. Why?”

“Well, you know I come from a noble background… I grew up with certain luxuries and I miss them." You admitted, your nose scrunched. "It’s nice to have someone who also appreciates the finer things in life.”

He realized that you thought it was trivial to admit such things, surrounded by death as you all embarked on a seemingly impossible mission. But you were being honest and vulnerable with him in the broken hallway of the dark temple.

He kept his tone light, smirking at you. “I do have good taste.”

“Excellent taste. You would love the keep I grew up in, the art and amenities…" You closed your eyes as if you imagined them right there. "I dream of them on cold nights on my bedroll.”

“Hmmm, tell me about them tonight when we are holed up in our tent.”

Our tent. A slip of his tongue, but it really had become that way. You rarely were in your own tent anymore, only enough to change and store your things before you were slinking into his.

“I’ll take you there someday and you can see it yourself.”

His eyebrows shot up his face, shock morphing his features. You thought that far ahead? Taking him to see your home? Meeting your family?

You smiled at his reaction, before filling in for his stunned silence. “And… you’re very pretty.”

A puff of air escaped through his nose, his lips quirking. “Oh I know.” He stretched his fingers, before sweeping his thumb across the back of your knuckles. “Thank you," He whispered.

You smiled at his touch, your eyes darting to where his pale fingers met yours.

The pair of you stayed in that quiet moment, until it was broken by the sound of a swear echoing down the length of the crumbling hallway. "Shit!"

Karlach and Shadowheart were sat across the hallway, the tiefling putting on a new bandage across the half elf's small palm — or was attempting to. The cleric had sliced her palm three times now, offering her blood in the name of her dark mistress before every trial. The party had winced every time she did it — but the woman never faltered.

And she didn’t not heal it with her divine abilities, instead letting the wound remain, cutting into it deeper with each trial and then only wrapping it up. She said it was intentional, purposeful pain that her Goddess demanded. And that she alone would pay the price for it.

Astarion had immediately marked the strain in your face as she said it. Knew that you wanted nothing more then to remind her that she was not alone, that she could be anything, anyone she wanted to be.

But the words had remained unspoken. Like you didn't have the right to say them to her anymore.

The vampire was now watching you watch them — studying you once again, trying to decipher how you were feeling. Karlach continued her efforts, but her large fingers fumbled as she tried to tie the knot and the bandages fell off again.

"Godsdammit! Sorry, Princess." She said sheepishly, snatching the bandages up quickly.

"It's okay, Karlach." Shadowheart shook her head, looking down at her hand and squeezing it into a fist. She winced from the pain, a hiss coming from her mouth.

"May I?" Your voice was soft, quiet as a mouse. But not so quiet that Shadowheart did not hear you. She flashed her eyes over to you, her face contorted with genuine surprise. The cleric said no words, instead nodding and offering her hand out.

Astarion remained sitting, watching as you stood up and crossed the hallway to the two women. You knelt before her, bowing your head slightly as you grabbed the bandages and began to wind them tenderly around Shadowheart's hand. If it were another moment, another person, the vampire would be jealous. Wishing he had a wound himself so that you could offer your services and gentle touches.

But this was monumental. Not only was it a rare sight — one blessed by Selûne taking care of one of Shar’s disciples. But it was an olive branch, a silent offering that meant much more then those bandages. An offering of peace and acceptance.

He was sure he saw Shadowheart's eyes lining with silver as you worked, the bob of her throat as she swallowed thickly. With a slight cough, you made to stand back up. "All done." You said in a hushed voice. But before you could stand up, the cleric grabbed your elbow.

"Thank you," She choked out. The gratitude was for more then just this moment, he imagined.

You bowed your head again, "Of course." As you marched back across the hallway, Astarion stood up to meet you. He ducked his head to look at your face, a silent conversation passing between you as your eyes met. An art the two of you had begun to master already.

Are you alright?

I will be.

He blinked and nodded in understanding, before falling into step at your side.

• • •

Every place they explored in the Shadowlands somehow topped the previous wretched place. If Astarion never had to step foot in a temple of Shar again, it would be too soon.

The air surrounding them was freezing, and the hairs on his arms and back of his neck had been standing up for what felt like hours. It felt like eyes were always on him, trailing after your group and judging every step taken.

Glancing behind him, he waited for you to step onto the disc with the rest of the party. You were hesitating on the edge, the smallest tremble in your hand as you stared down at the floor. "Darling?"

Your face shot up, like his voice snapped you back to reality. You looked rattled, completely shaken.

Astarion extended his hand out to you, beckoning you forward. He grabbed your hand easily, pulling you into him with a questioning glance before letting go. The rest of your party was looking at you, worry forming in their features.

You had all but stepped into him, your shoulder pressed into his. He actually didn't mind it one bit.

“You look pale, are you feeling okay?” He kept his voice low, his mouth downturned.

You gathered yourself for a moment, before flashing him a smirk. “I’m pale? Coming from the vampire himself?”

“Ha," He rolled his red eyes. "Trust me, my sweet. I’ve memorized the flush of your features by now — something’s off.”

Your eyes settled on Shadowheart for a moment, before looking down at your boots. “I think it’s being in here… Her gift is straining inside me.”

Her gift, Selûne's blessing. You didn't dare say the Goddess' name in Shar's ruined temple. The rest of the party had heard the tale over the campfire about a week ago. While most of their faces had been filled with awe and astonishment when you had told them then, now their faces were only anxious.

“Oh gods, you’re not going to...?" Wyll trailed off, his brows furrowed together.

“Drop dead? I hope not.” You shrugged, trying to act nonchalant.

“Not funny.” Astarion hissed, flashing you a look. The sentiment was echoed by Gale, chastising you for saying such things.

You quirked your mouth, before wrapping your arms around your torso. "I'll be fine."

Suddenly, there was a loud click and the disc you all stood on began moving — descending deeper into the ruins.

Astarion heard the heartbeats of the entire party begin to increase, the thrumming pounding in his ears. None were as loud as the rhythm of your heart.

Then the scent of your fear filled his nostrils.

He could think of no words, no quips or jokes. The dark ruins had been taxing, draining. And he did not know what to expect at the bottom of this temple.

But he was afraid too. Afraid for you, for both of you.

The disc settled below with another audible click, and as the rest of the party began to move off of it and deeper into the next area you stayed planted where you were.

The vampire stayed with you, eyeing your complexion that was turning paler by the minute. Your breaths labored as you blinked, long and slowly. His red eyes followed your line of sight — to Shadowheart and Karlach.

The half-elf and tiefling were standing before large ornate doors, shoulder to shoulder. Their hands were intertwined, fingers laced together as they continued to stare the door down.

Your eyes were fixed on their hands, before you licked your lips and spoke quietly — only for him to hear. "Would you be okay with that?”

His brows furrowed together in confusion. “With what?”

“A touch like that.”

A bewildered look crossed his features. Here? Now? This is where you wished to discuss such things. Moments before stepping into the unknown darkness of the mistress of night. He stepped in front of you, his back to the rest of the party as he looked you in the face.

“Holding hands? What next, you want to cuddle?” He teased with his sharp tongue.

The smallest twist in your features was your only tell. Anyone else would have missed it — a flash of sadness at his rejection.

He suddenly realized it. Longing. You had been looking at the pair holding hands with longing, yearning to be touched like that right now. "You want that, don't you?"

You stiffened, as if you had said the wrong thing. You stumbled over your words, immediately backtracking, “Not if you don’t want to. I'm sorry, I just thought—“

His eyes softened at your reaction, “You’re upset.”

“No, never." You shook your head, your voice unwavering. "It’s your choice, Starry.”

“I’m not the only person in this—" In this, what? Finish the sentence, Astarion. He thought to himself. "Is it, something you would like to do?”

“Maybe." You licked your lips, before nodding self-consciously. "Yes, but only if you were okay with it.”

“I can try." He whispered sincerely, before looking back over his shoulder to the group. Shadowheart and Karlach remained at each other's side, their fingers still intertwined in a tight grasp. "I just— I don’t really understand it. The touch I’m used to is… sensual, erotic. Or incredibly violent. I thought touch was only supposed to lead to some explosive end, one way or another. What’s the point of it?”

“It’s comforting, holding the person you care about. Feeling their presence with you, when you need it." You admitted, your eyes unguarded as you looked at him.

He recalled how he felt when you had held him in your arms in the river. How he had let his fingers linger and hold onto you as you pulled away from that first hug. The overwhelming urge he had sometimes to just be near you. He could understand that feeling, he knew that feeling now. He just wasn't sure how to act on it.

"I think I'd like that." He agreed, the corners of his mouth pulling up with a hopeful expression. "I will try."

You smiled back at him, the pair of you momentarily forgetting where you stood. What was to happen next. What could happen next.

As you made to finally step off of the disc, he called your name softly — halting your movement. "We will get to try."

It was a promise. A vow.

No dark mistress or Absolute or bastard vampire master would stop him from having you.

You nodded, smiling back at him before moving to join the others.

The group was cautious as they entered into the final chamber, the hundreds of candles in the room suddenly lighting with an eerie purple flame. The coloured flames flickered and cast dancing shadows on the stones around them, all leading to a pool of still water. A ginormous, untouched statue of the Mistress of Night stood in it — her arms outstretched, beckoning you forward.

"This must be the last step. I need to pray. Only by Lady Shar's grace did we even make it this far." Shadowheart fell to her knees immediately, offering silent prayers to the intimidating figure ahead. Karlach stayed loyally at her side, but her brows were crinkled with worry.

Everyone lingered behind, unsure of how to proceed.

"I'm ready." The dark-haired cleric spoke, determination flashing in her features as she stood up. The spear she had fought and bled for in the trials strapped to her back. She held a boot over the unmoving water for a moment, hesitating for a moment before stepping into it.

A voice spoke throughout the chamber, echoing and rattling the stones. The candles flickered with her voice, as if the magnificent voice caused the cold breeze that suddenly filled the room. "You are so close, my child. So close to fulfilling your destiny. And is that another trophy you bring for me? You honor me with your dedication.“

The party turned to stare at you. Shar was aware of who you are, of what lingered in you. Astarion swear he saw Shadowheart’s bottom lip tremble as her gaze fell on you again.

But you put on your practiced expression of calm, nodding at your companions to continue. But as you stood on the precipice of the pool, Astarion noticed your fingers twitching at your side.

It should have been be so easy for him to reach out and hold them, like you said you wanted. He had been daring himself to touch you more lately — a brush of his knuckle against yours, tucking an unruly strand of hair behind your ear. He was trying. He wanted to, so badly.

But something was holding him back. A weight on his chest and lungs that made it feel him feel so tainted and undeserving for such things.

He hesitated for too long, and your hand was moving away as you stepped into the sparkling water. So he took his own steps in. The water was ice cold, instantly sending goosebumps over his entire body. Then a frozen sensation that went deep into his half-dead body. It began clutching at him, at everything he was and ever could be.

His red eyes widened, searching frantically for you beside him — his hand reaching out wildly for you before he was suddenly pulled under.

• • •

The last thing you had seen was Shar’s menacing face —looming over you, spelling your end. A blanket of cold had surrounded you, tightening unbearably around your ankles and wrists before yanking you down into the darkness.

You had never been afraid of the dark before.

You could no longer say that.

With a gasp, you wretched your eyes open to find yourself somewhere new. Standing on a craggy rock, floating in raging winds and surrounded by streaks of lightning. A living storm of black and purple swirling around you.

"Lady Shar...," Shadowheart's voice was quiet — her tone a strange mixture of astonishment and fear. "I can feel her all around. This is her domain. This is the Shadowfell.”

“Bloody hells.” Gale muttered, the wizard's mouth a hardline.

“We best keep moving.” Lae'zel ordered, eyeing the surroundings with a look of disgust on her face.

You all murmured in agreement, before traveling down the precarious craggy rocks until you were at the very bottom. You hesitated at the site of a person— a pale, large woman dressed in only shredded rags.

The Nightsong.

She stood in the centre of several complicated sigils, the symbols radiating a sickly green. Her head flicked up to your group, her eyes narrowing as she inspected every single party member. Before they settled on you, and softened.

“I recognize you." Her voice was hoarse at first, like she hadn't spoken out loud in ages. "You aren’t a sibling… But I recognize you. Why are you so familiar to me?” She cocked her head at you, her eyes studying you. There was a flicker in them — hope.

Her hair shined silver like yours, but her eyes glowed even brighter. Much more than any mortal could. Your mouth fell open as you realized. She was not blessed by a divine being like you, she was immortal herself.

“You are...“

“A child of the gods.” She finished for you, and even clad in nothing but rags she stood tall at the words.

“Selûne’s?”

Your mind raced as you put together the pieces, the ritual on the stone similar to the secret room of Balthazar. Kethric’s undying nature. She was bound here in the Shadowfell — being syphoned like those fairies in the lanterns. And the dark justiciar’s — they used her, killed her like a bounty for their goddess. Over and over. As Shadowheart was meant to do now.

But you. You were bound to nothing, and you were not born from the goddess — only a mortal woman, who feared for her child. A mortal mother who was thousands of miles away, not knowing where her child now stood, not knowing that they were waiting to see if a spear would be driven through their chest too.

"My mother spoke of you once. I don't think that even she knew we would meet." The daughter of Selûne eyes shone with quiet understanding. The flicker of hope in them still catching light somehow in the dark storm in the Shadowfell as she stared at you.

Shadowheart stepped forward, toeing the edge of the ritual symbols carved onto the floor. Her face was stoic, determined. Yet she refused to look at you.

"But you.” The woman’s eyes dragged to the cleric, her voice a vicious snarl. “YOU. You, who have come to seek the praise of your wicked goddess. You, who have come to drive a dagger through my heart."

"Not a dagger — a spear. My Lady Shar's spear. Your fate is mine to seal." You noticed Shadowheart's hands were trembling fists at her side.

"The fate that you seal is your own. To be a Dark Justiciar is to turn your heart from everything but loss. You will know no love, no joy — only servitude." Karlach stiffened next to Shadowheart, concern etching every feature of her red face. "Until, of course, your mistress inevitably discards you. And there is much she does not tell you — a terrible blood price that may extend beyond my own death. Beyond your companion's."

The cleric looked over her shoulder to you, her eyebrows furrowed. You said nothing, keeping your face steady.

But it was the first she looked you in the eyes since you found yourself in the dark place. Truly met your gaze. And the rage and betrayal you had first seen in them that day she learned the truth about you had lost their heat. Instead you saw only pain and regret.

Astarion made to move in front of you, to act as your shield as Shadowheart turned her attention on you. But you waved your hands at your side, silently asking him to stop.

You knew the rest of your party waited with bated breath for you to intervene, to speak up for this woman, for yourself.

But instead, you held Shadowheart’s gaze and waited.

The Nightsong spoke again, drawing her attention away from you. "You may think you know what they are, but do you know what I am, little assassin? For I know you — a lost child, frightened by wolves in the dark."

"What did you say?"

"Much has been promised to you, hasn't it? But what has been taken from you?" She asked sadly, her eyes piercing through Shadowheart. "What do you know of your own heart — your own life? I sense more in you then you know."

"I—" The spear was suddenly summoned into her hand, her light coloured eyes widening as she feels its weight. It was as if Shar would wait no longer, and would thrust the weapon into her hands and guide it through the Nightsong if need be. "I..." She raised it up, inspecting the intricate designs and deadly tip of the spear. The bottom of her eyes filled with silver as she studied it.

And just as fast as it was summoned, it was gone. Soaring over the party's heads, away and into the swirling storm below them.

You let loose the breath you didn't know you were holding.

It was echoed by a sigh of relief from the rest of the party.

Shadowheart's mouth was agape, staring into her empty hands and then to you. A humorless laugh escaped her, like she was in a state of shock. "I can't believe I just did that. Lady Shar will disown me... what will happen to me?"

"Not what will happen — what will you do? Your past is not yet lost. Your future is not yet fixed. Lay a hand on me in friendship, not-quite Sharran, and I will fight the battle that been waiting for me this last century." The large woman knelt before them, bowing her head. "Then — oh then, we will have much to discuss. All of us." She looked up to nod at you, still standing on the edge of the circle.

The cleric stepped forward with more certainty then she had in most of the trials in Shar's Gauntlet. Her head held high before she grasped the child of the god on her shoulder. Suddenly the green of the binding ritual turned into a bright, silver light. The woman fell to all fours as the silver light traveled through her.

"Our lady of Silver. Hear me! She Who Guides, the Moonmaiden Selûne — mother of the so-called Nightsong. THE NIGHTSONG IS NO MORE!" Then she began to levitate in the air, a shining light of white and silver wrapped around her before large wings spread from her back, and spectral armor and sword appearing upon her body and in her hands.

The group was amazed as they watched her fly up and up. Before she landed with a gentle thud.

A child of a god indeed.

"I am resplendent. You have given me a great gift, little warrior." She nudged Shadowheart's chin with a gloved hand, before stepping back. "Come now — there is a battle to be fought."

"My kin," She looked back to you, her eyes and brow set in a determined line. "Are you ready?"

"Ready for what?" You asked, stepping forward until you were at Shadowheart's side.

"To kill Ketheric Thorm." She flashed a wolfish grin that was filled with a controlled rage. Vengeance and justice was to be served by that glowing spectral sword in her hand. With a large woosh, she was soaring into the air and vanishing back to the mortal plane.

• • •

It wasn't until you were out of the Shadowfell, away from Gauntlet and endless depictions of Shar that you all finally spoke.

The cool air of the Shadowlands was welcoming for the first time since you had arrived. Astarion watched as you took large gulps of air, your hands resting on your hips as you centered yourself again. The colour was already returning to your cheeks, your heart slowing to a familiar rhythm.

He made to reach out for you, but Shadowheart got there first. A look of surprise flashed across your face as she threw herself at you. "I don't— I don't know what to say." She muttered into your shoulder.

You swallowed hard before holding her back fiercely, your mouth quivering. "You don't have to say anything. I forgive you."

Astarion blinked. You gave her your forgiveness so easily, much easier then he would have. But wasn't that one of the things he was so fond of? Your kind heart, your innate goodness. That even though he didn't feel he deserved your attention, or that Shadowheart deserved to be forgiven, you still granted it to them. Your kindness was not just for him, but for everyone in the group. The hubris wizard and seasoned fighter who didn't think they were enough. The warlock and barbarian ripped from their homes. The manipulated manipulators who were used and discarded.

“You can't—You can't just forgive me." She pulled away from you, staring at you like you had gone mad. "What I did, what I almost did — I almost didn’t bring you back that day, oh gods—" Her hand moved over her mouth, her brows meeting in the middle.

“But you did.”

“But if I didn’t—" Her voice broke.

You grabbed her by the shoulders, ducking your head to look at her. “But you did. And we will not speak of the past any longer. But we will get you answers for your own, okay?”

"What she wanted me to do in there, what she's made me do..." A sob escaped Shadowheart, the sound breaking something in Astarion. Something that hit a little too close to home. His red eyes flickered to his boots as he tried to keep his own emotion at bay.

Your next words were a whisper in her ear, too low for even his elven ears to hear. But you both nodded together, before Karlach was pulling the cleric into a hug of their own. Pressing a kiss to her forehead, whispering her own affections to her.

Before the vampire could even try to will himself to do the same things for you, you were in front of him. He could see no hint of expectation on your face, only relief as you took him in.

He ran the tip of his finger down your wrist, to the back of your hand, before trailing it in your palm. "That was all a little dramatic, wasn't it?"

A tired chuckle escaped you, "I'd thought you'd learned by now that we have a flair for it, don't we?"

"We certainly do."

Suddenly, flashes of divine white power swept above you, before shooting fast across the sky — the light silhouetting a set of large wings. Without further thinking, Astarion threaded his pale fingers through yours, squeezing them slightly as he watched the light head closer and closer to the imposing tower in the distance.

He gulped as you squeezed back.

Your party watched the sky for a moment, silence filling the air before you all stared at each other. Your tired, aching bodies were begging for rest. But the world would not wait for you to rest.

"To Moonrise?" Gale asked, a sad, tired smile on his face.

"To Moonrise." You nodded, starting to march forward and lead the group forward.

Astarion curled his pinky around yours as you meant to pull away, not quite ready to let you go again.

Read part V here

#bg3 astarion #astarion ancunin #bg3 fanfic #astarion x reader #astarion x gn reader #astarion x tav #astarion/tav #astarion/reader #astarion fanfic

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stanlunter · 5 months

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Why Amity is a bad character

Not my post, Ive just translated it, but I can't agree more

This can be called not even a hate, but a perplexity, since Amity as a character is not integral with us. It's like a solid plot hole hastily glued into a ready-made idea of the series. Let's take it in order.

In the first episodes with Amity, she is shown as a bully (when she poured shit on Willow), always competing with everyone's nerd (remember the episode where she couldn't stand that at least someone was better than her in abominations?) and in general, something like a kind of Draco Malfoy from the world of the Owl House. Even the twins Edric and Emira Blite quietly disliked her, as they considered her an arrogant reptile, shitting other students out of boredom. And so it was, in fact.

But then they started showing us Amity from the other side, and then the first inconsistencies began. In the series with the library, where Amity read books to little witches and other fabulous creatures, it struck me for the first time - like, all this time, Amity had a soft nature hiding under a mask of arrogance, but her brother and sister didn't even know about it and considered her just a harmful bastard? Okay, okay, let's say. But then we learn from Amity's memories that she was always good and Willow left only at the request of overbearing parents who were against their friendship. I'm sorry, what? I remind you that at her first appearance, Amity mocks Willow when no one is around, clearly enjoying it herself. Who forced her to do nasty things then?? And anyway, if Amity had a kind nature from the very beginning, why would she mock and laugh at others? She would have walked around with an arrogant look and that was it. My parents told me not to be friends with witches of a different status, and not to bully everyone who doesn't like them.

And after Luz and Amity start dating, Amity transforms incredibly radically and quickly. And I'm not talking about the hairstyle (which was much better in the original version, imho). She completely changes her worldview, her behavior, her plans for life, after all. And everything would be fine, but... These events take place in one summer. One summer, Carl! In one summer, an arrogant witch who loves to bully others, trying to be the best at everything, dreaming of becoming part of the imperial coven, turns into her absolute opposite. And do you know what I can't understand about such transformations? Footing. What is it like here? Okay, Amity fell in love with Luz, but why did she suddenly change ALL her principles for her? After all, she had somehow justified her dreams, her goals for herself before? Before, she really wanted to be the best, to join the imperial coven. Or how did it happen according to the creators - the evil mom ordered Amity to wish for certain things and zombified her, and as soon as the good Luz came, Amity immediately realized everything in the world and was filled? The same Hunter is shown much more realistically, we see he has an incredibly strong motivation to change, and then he doesn't do it in two episodes.

Damn, how much Amity doesn't fit into the story can be seen by the end of the first season, when we have an awesome important event and the main characters have to risk their lives to rescue Ida from captivity. And Amity did it in this fucking important episode in the finale... absolutely nothing. A few episodes before that, we were shown how Amity falls in love with Luz, worries about Luz, is already crazy about Luz, but when Luz risks his life in the center of events, Amity just lies at home with his injured leg and watches everything on magic TV. Like, seriously, man?? They didn't even bother to put it in the plot. Logically, she should be one of the main characters, but in fact she looks like a typical cardboard "girlfriend of the main character", like helpless half-naked girls from films about some Indiana Jones (I have nothing against Indiana, but the girls of gg in those days were really mostly cardboard in the background). In the following seasons, there is a place for Amity, but it doesn't get any better - she continues to look cardboard, a girl who can only scream about her love for Luz. Who gave up all her goals for the sake of Loot, but she didn't come up with new ones, and now her whole life revolves around Luz, while Luz, like gg, quietly lives her life and solves her problems. In the last episode, she has a job, she succeeded her father and works with abominations, but kamon, did it ever mention before the third season that she wants to take over his profession?? No. Starting dating Luz, she loses her personality, and all that remains of her is the delight at the sight of Luz and perfectly correct conscientious decisions, which do not go well with the image of Amity from the first series.

And it's impossible to call it Amity hate, because if you hate, then who exactly? We have three completely unrelated witches: The arrogant bully Amity, the kind Amity, Who Suffered From Evil Parents/Friends'/"Substitute An Excuse" and finally A Madly In Love Amity Without Her Own Goals And Principles. Which one of them to focus on, speaking of the image of Amity, is not in my heart. And yes, it's kind of sad to realize that at the beginning of the first season, Amity had a normal image that had chances for good development, a gradual realization that she treats people incorrectly, a GRADUAL transformation from a spoiled pest into a good friend for Luz and company, into a good secondary character. Even with falling in love with Luz, it was possible to do something interesting - to show how Amity rushes between two fires, tries to date Luz without quarreling with her family, wants to combine an affair with Luz and joining the imperial coven, eventually realizes that this is a failed idea and suffers from having to quit either a family and a dream, or a loved one... And as a result, all the potential was poured into the toilet for the hyper-accelerated development of a "serious romance for life" between two 14-year-olds. And Amity just follows Luz like a goat on a string, completely changing her life and her personality for the sake of a man she has known for less than three months. Yeah, very plausible.

#the owl house #toh #unpopular opinion #toh criticism #toh critical #Anti amity blight #Wish she was written better #anti lumity #If ut counts bc it's one of the reasons I dislike it

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yonpote · 3 months

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ive been so fascinated by how much of a liar phil is lately (i mean this in the most complimentary way like the wall he has up between him and his content compared to dan is so interesting, the way they balance each other out), so it was cool to see a few posts discussing it the other day. im curious, what videos do you think youd consider phil to be the most "mask-off" in? trying to collect them for my #studies lol

hmmm hard to say! ofc the softlaunch era was when both of them started getting a bit more real, but phil still had a lot of barriers up even as they were slowly allowing themselves to signal queerness. a moment i think about a lot recently is in "coming out- one year later." i think this video is way more real than the coming out video itself. of course COTY is 100% equally as important as BIG, but phil intentionally kept it lowkey and more comedic than full seriousness because it was meant to be, for phil, just coming out to more people as he was already out to the people most important to him and comfortable with not talking about it publicly, compared to BIG which had all of dan's comedic tones ofc but was ultimately about him having to finally confront this deepseated trauma he's had his whole life. and so phil's more lowkey video as well as quote tweeting dan's video as his Actual coming out was meant to uplift dan's voice more as (while im not saying phil didnt go thru trauma bc tbh every gay kid in the 90s did), it pertained to something that phil felt had a more poignant message.

SO! in his 1 year update on Being Publicly Gay, there's a moment where phil talks about how he didn't realize the impact that coming out as a public figure would have on him because he felt that, well he already had his coming out journey so it's not a huge deal, but in reality it was this giant sigh of relief. he talks about how he doesnt feel as stressed about having to hide everything or accidentally slipping up and saying something gay, and he talks about the impact that the fan reaction has had on him, people thanking him and telling him that they related so much to his experiences and he helped them come out to family or even coming out in the comments section. i guess because his goal of that video was for it to be a quieter coming out than dan's, he just didn't realize how big it actually was for HIM until he'd done it. and when he talks about this he gets forreal emotional and like, gets real quiet and smiles to himself and seems like he might be about to cry. which is like. CRAZY cuz not only has he never cried on camera but all anecdotes abt phil were like "oh phil never cries even irl" "yeah i just keep them all back" like not that he's not emotional but he's not like dan who cries at movies or me who is currently crying while typing this up over how emotional this all makes me LOL. like.... AAAAHHH it's so good, like ofc with the dapg renaissance we're now seeing a more Adult side of phil's sense of humor and personality and he and dan are just generally speaking more themselves around each other, but like. that moment really fucking HITS DIFFERENT.

#myrambles

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vexingwoman · 10 days

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Uh not actually here to hate but to say thanks???? Ive been thinking alot on my self expression and trying to figure out how to word it, and seeing some of your comments with other people really helped to put in perspective what I was trying to come to terms with. Ive always struggled with my gender but acknowledge fully that I'm biologically female. (Stay with me here till the end please i know lol) I genuinely dont care what pronouns I'm called either and none have ever felt right if I'm honest and nothing I've read or tried has been adding up for me over the years to help me feel any better.

Kinda realizing over the past year or so that I just have this deep ingrained idea from being surrounded constantly my whole life in a woman hating environment that I just have a *really* heavily masked hatred for what general society treats women as and was trying to remove myself from it hoping itd somehow save me from the terrible shit we all go through daily. And it just made me feel even more alienated doing that to myself. Its been a long time of coming around to this and I know how it sounds but I dont wanna consider any of my time wasted. I dont remember what it was but something you said to someone in a long ass comment fight clicked for me and rn I'm sleep deprived and wont even remember what it was in the morning either but I feel like some kind of weight has been eased off me. Im doing my best to unlearn the sexist misogynistic bs ive had shoved down my throat my whole life that made me think being a woman was something to be shameful of and better off without.

Its been hard trying to look into this radfem community and find someone who didn't immediately just insult and exclude ppl that werent already on the ball agreeing. Basically I appreciate your ranting with strangers. Amd indulging some of their curiousity as clearly as you can+defining everything you say constantly so I dont get lost in a whirlwind of hard to understand metaphors. Idk you get it. Something clicked and i dont feel ashamed for the time gone bc I know it was heavily influenced by the oppression of all things normal-human-womanly around me. I hate that we're all so tied into these stereotypes. Its painfully hard to unlearn. Thanks for the help. Have a fat block of text as thanks cause I'm not sure how to sound as genuine as I feel rn. Have a nice day and an even better tomorrow. Im gonna get some sleep now💀(stayed up WAY too late painting lol) bye!

This is so wonderful to hear. I know how dreadful it is doing serious introspection and making yourself aware of how deeply and unconsciously your internalized sexism runs. I’ve been there, and I know it’s even more difficult to deconstruct the subtle sexist attitudes which have been ingrained into to us since birth. Often it seems as hopeless as chasing smoke, because some of our internalized sexism is so deep that it’s invisible, and worse, inarticulable.

Some women will never think on these subjects beyond their surface level—will never dissect their preferences, will never concede that their choices are influenced by sex-based socialization, will never seriously reflect on why they are so desperate to identify out of womanhood. And in a strange way, I sympathize with these women, because I understand that it’s easier to shut your eyes and convince yourself that you were born in the wrong body than it is to open your eyes and acknowledge how much sexism has seeped into and corrupted our own minds.

Basically, I’m proud of you for putting yourself through the pain of deconstructing your own internalized sexism. You are better for even attempting it, and I hope you continue to do so.

P.S. I know exactly which long-ass comment fight you’re referring to, because I only put myself through that once. At least someone benefited from the literal month I spent arguing with that stranger. They blocked me, so unfortunately I can’t even go back and analyze the conversation if I ever wanted to. I would love to know what you took away from it, if you ever do remember.

#terfblr #radical feminism #terfsafe #radblr #gender critical #radical feminist safe #misogny #sexism #trans logic #gender abolition #answered asks

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rosenbergamot · 26 days

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thinking ab a boat boys ethubs pre relationship poly thing (idk what their ship name is) where bdubs is like “why are you so obsessed with etho” and joel is like “why are YOU so obsessed with etho” and are sooo displeased with each other but genuinely cant put into words WHY they hate the other? which leads to both of them having a reflection moment. there being someone else who is weird ab etho kind of like. grounds and sobers them and makes them think and reflect and both be like “hm why AM i obsessed with etho” to which they then realize. oh shit. im in love with that guy (how bdubs Didnt realize before is a whole can of worms)

and they talk ab it and HATE each other at first but then they grow to really like each other, have this genuine emotional bond, and start to develop feelings for the other. they can both be very vulnerable with the other bc joel is new and doesnt have this idea of the ethubs relationship and gets to know bdubs as a separation from etho and his own person despite them initially bonding over their mutual Weird Obsession. and bdubs doesnt know much ab joel because they dont talk too much and theyre from whole different servers. so neither of them have to act or put on a mask and theyre like “holy shit. i really like and appreciate you. we’re different but our differences work really well together. i viewed you as competition and a reflection of the things i dislike about myself but in getting close ive realized that i respect you and really enjoy your view of the world, yourself, building, and relationships. we should kiss”

meanwhile etho is like “why are bdubs and joel spending so much time together. is my life in danger” but no theyre just starting up a relationship which they will then add him into later

#do u see my vision #hermitshipping #someone lmk if they all have a ship name??#rosie talks #smallethubs

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elkkiel · 14 days

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Sorry friends, this is gonna be a long one. I feel like speaking in a space where someone may see and perceive what I'm saying is helpful to personal accountability. Please feel free to skip, it's more of a thought dump than anything (I am midway through writing now and I think I lost the plot a while ago lol)

Topics covered: grind culture, mental health, self-care, and learning when to manually sound the alarm for yourself as an audhd-er in the deep end of life.

Here's some tags that I left on the the grind culture reblog before this. I just wanted to share some thoughts and didn't want them to get lost; I feel like making a proper post really solidifies the situation (sorta like getting those abstract thoughts from your head onto paper, and realizing just how bad it is when it's all laid out before you.) And I want to make a change when I can finally get my head above water.

I think it can be especially difficult for us AuDHDers, since we don't necessarily have alarm bells installed that neurotypicals in similar situations may have but "choose" (consciously or not) to ignore. Things can really spiral into a bad place quickly if you don't have the cues or signs to alert you. We need to be diligent in doing those manual checks ourselves, KNOWING that we have struggles that make life just that much more difficult.

Take inventory of your life. Do you allocate time to self-care activities, and/or are those the right activities for you? Turns out for me that building a complex skin care routine (as suggested by mainstream self-care culture) only stresses me out more. Especially when I never have the energy to do it, making me feel bad when I only manage to do the basics *sometimes* (and the stress acne persists smh my head). My therapist recommended productive activities that involve both current hyperfixes and that ADHD Motor™. I want to learn basic carpentry over the summer, since I love working with my hands! For now, drawing masked men as cats will suffice (though I will not complain about the kittenification of my faves)

Choose a moment to consciously feel how your body is feeling. Check in with yourself! This is important for my alexithymia bitches. Are you more fatigued than usual? Are your muscles tense for some reason? Have you been hungry with no appetite? If you notice anything, let's make some connections—really dig into it. The instance I mentioned in the tags above was a really clear one for me. I took like 12 hours on the IV in the Ivy art instead of coursework, and that weekend I slept almost 22 hours. A few days later, I'm still in a cycle of horrible fatigue and excessive sleep. Connecting the trigger event (taking the time to create "unnecessary" art) to current sensations (extreme fatigue) is giving me insight into how stressed I actually am that I wouldn't have really seen otherwise.

I'm also feeling more and more aware of how activities and things become a bit of a crutch to avoid expending energy on social activities. Idk how many other people deal with this particular problem, but I have almost zero social drive. Like I legitimately don't feel the need to meet people and see friends. Almost 100% of my social needs are covered by talking to my parents, chatting with the girls at work (while at work) and passively absorbing interactions from complete strangers within earshot. It's one of the big things I'm continually documenting for when I can finally afford to get evaluated for autism (babygirl I don't even have enough for the ADHD assessment yet and that's more crucial for disability stuff lol) and it makes life real tough.

Not having the time nor the drive to invest in relationships really stunts you as a person in my experience. I don't know how to actually quantify what makes a friend (e.g. are we friends because we are Tumblr mutuals who haven't had an actual conversation but hype each other up in notes?) and I don't have any time to learn. I can't participate in leisure activities that may take some of the pressure off since I haven't been able to practice initiating interactions. It baffles me how some of the girls at work just casually meet up outside of work, or make plans out of the blue in a conversation (how tf do you gauge when/if to propose something????)

Like, it's bad. I haven't seen my best friend in a year and a half, and even the term "best friend" almost definitely isn't accurate in this scenario anymore. It's just another stressor that could potentially be avoided by lifting one's nose from the grindstone, but it's so intimidating to even try at this point. I don't feel the drive to be friends, but something tells me it's healthier than being alone with my work and thoughts.

Idk I think that's all I have for now. I definitely went on a tangent or two that don't connect back to the original idea so apologies for the letter-based vomit.

ty if you read any of this, if you have any thoughts or input I'm always open for replies or asks. The world is big and fast and horrible and confusing a lot of the time, but I think sharing experiences helps to keep things in perspective.

maybe I'll ask more targeted questions for community input some other time because I'm genuinely curious how to navigate around social deficits (the "who is a Friend and why?" thing especially because I genuinely have zero clue)

anyways have a good day, drink some water, take ur meds, and be kind to yourself

#my head is so foggy from fatigue i would be surprised if this is cobefent #its rant time babey im gonna go order some groceries now ✌️#elkk.txt

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narcissisticpdcultureis · 6 months

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npd culture is finally getting a partner that cares about you and shows it and fills all of your emotional needs and is just absolutely perfect and feeling like u dont deserve it bc u are a narcissist and u are somehow going to fuck it up again or they are going to get to know u and then not like u anymore because they liked u better when u were wearing ur mask more around them, and they will start disliking u after u let down that mask more and more

i feel like im going to fuck it up somehow. i dont know how i deserve them because ive never had someone show this much open affection and interest in me in my life. i feel like theyre just going to suddenly just go “Psych! i actually dont like u at all” and then ill be alone again

and then i guess npd/bpd comorbidity culture is also realizing u have not even known them that long and u should not be getting this attached so soon because everyone uve ever loved like this pulls away because of it and u wonder how long it will be until ur brain fucks it up & turns u against urself and u get Weird

ive never fucked up before but im really scared that im going to. i dont want to because it doesnt even feel real sometimes. like it’s just too perfect??? idk. im really happy

#npd culture is #npd + bpd culture is #npd #actually narcissistic #actually npd #narcissistic personality disorder #cluster b #bpd #borderline personality disorder

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autisticlee · 3 days

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I have realized I need more friends, especially a specific type of friend (chill, positive, very nice and gentle, shares interest in my interests, etc) so I've been putting a lot of time and effort and energy into trying to make a new friend, but I don't think it's working D: I genuinely don't know how to do it. I used to ask people if we can be friends but learned thats not correct and even got called creepy for it before...so i'm just exhausting myself for no reason because nothing is being reciprocated the way I want or need it to be.

i'm trying to learn about the person and tailoring my scripts to match them and what they seem to like about people they are friends with. but so far i'm not getting much reaction outside of general kind acknowledgment that all random strangers get. i'm trying so hard not to ramble or rant about anything or be "too negative" like i've been called many times for simply stating a related/relatable fact about myself. i'm trying to ask questions more questions like ive been told to do. i'm saying nice and positive things whenever I get the chance like i always do. i'm doing all the things people have advised me to do when ive asked advice, but it still feels like i'm looking through a window and not allowed to walk through the door! but see everyone else getting invited inside. I genuinely don't know what to do and how to make it better 🥲

when I look back in the past and how I made friends or starter talking to people, it always came from trauma bonding....often it would start from or be carried along by a shared interest, but one of the dominating factors was always trauma bonding and ramling and ranting at each other about the trauma we have gone through that relates to each other. I felt like I needed it at the time and felt like it helped, but now i've reached a point where it's too exhausting to go through repeated exposure to trauma stories and reexperiencing ny own traumas. plus it usually ends in failure and me adding more trauma to my plate because they have issues and lash them out at me, or decide they are upset that I have my own issues they trigger, and I do not want to do that anymore.

I don't want to befriend people through or to trauma bond. I don't want to befriend people who only want to talk about negative things or people who bring out those things in me. I want some positive and chill and fun friends. but I genuinely do not know how else to make friends. I don't know how to do it right. I don't know how to talk to people correctly. I don't know how to do any of this without trauma dumping/ l listening to trauma dumping and using that as the gateway to form friendships.

I don't know how to have friends that don't share same interests either, but I have realized that's only part of it. that part is fine I think. maybe that's the normal part. (it's my autistic intensity that's the "not normal" part and losing friends as soon as one of us loses that interest) but how do I befriend someone positively off of similar interests only, and not drop my dark lore or avoid letting them drop their dark lore and using that as the bridge? I simply can't figure out how to connect with people in any other way than the whole "I understand what you're going through/you're not alone/I'm here for you/this is a safe space you can come to" thing I tried building up my whole life. but that's only been exhausting and leads to dead ends.

I don't know how to form strong and positive connections with other humans, despite following every tutorial and advice I could find. I even tried heavily masking and learned I'm just no good at it, and I can't figure out if i've acted myself out of a personality, or if it's just a dissociative disorder causing me to have like 20 different ones (working with therapist now who is evaluating me for osdd/did because she says my dissociative levels are concerning. and honestly i feel like part if not all of it is due to my negative people experiences....so i really need positive ones!) i've been trying to keep all my rambles and rants and negative thoughts and feelings to this blog only. i'm not here on this blog to make friends. this is purely for me and myself and I. if anyone relates they are welcome to reply/comment or send an ask and share, but i'm not going to pursue a friendship over it.

I only want to accept positive and chill and fun friendships over my special interests and smaller interests (I have a whole other blog for just those) BUT I DONT KNOW HOW TO DO IT. NOTHING ANYONE TELLS ME WORKS. i'm trying so hard to bond over interests with people but just cannot form any connections no matter how hard I try. it remains me being the only one to ever reach out and give (time/energy/attention/etc) while they can easily have 4747373 other friends and people they enjoy and care about and talk to and hang out with. so I don't think it's them. it has to be me. (I've had people saying it's not me, it's the people I try to talk to and I need to find other people. or even "the right people" but i'm not told how to do that or what it means. and i've spent years flipping through people like clothes on a rack and it's so tiring!!!!!)

don't know know what to do or how to do it, but need human interaction and genuine strong connection and can't force self stop craving that 😭😭😭😭😭

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snazzi-strawberri-artz · 8 months

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AAAAAAAAAAA IM FINALLY DONE WITH CHARACTER SHEETS FOR MY ZOMBIE APOCALYPSE KIDS WHICH IVE BEEN WORKING ON FOR AGES NOW😭😭😭

Although i couldnt fully finish quinn and alice because school is starting literally tomorrow for me so i had to cut down on the expressions and poses 😭 and also i want to work on something different now HAHA

BUT YEAH!! if you wanna see me ramble abt em and know more abt their lore and some additional sketches of em together, ill put em below to save your scrolling fingers!! :]

OKOK SO!! The designs on the character sheets are actually a bit of redesigns!

Like for example, Alice was supposed to have a bunny mask like the pic below, but i changed it because i couldnt think of a solid reason WHY shed have the bunny mask so unmasked it is! (although, a bit sad to lose the bunny mask because it was a cool design, but i can always use it in another oc i suppose!)

(Although i put a lil bunny design on her sneakers in her post apocalypse design, as a lil nod to this!)

OKAY SO THEIR LORE!! AHEM AHEM

Carmen : Shes the typical rich kid that comes from a prestigious rich school that few can get in, although their parents pressure them alot especially in how she presents herself and in her studies :(

She often gets forced to do things she doesnt want to do, but because of her parents high expectations and harsh judgement, they do it anyway even if theyre unhappy abt it :( [thats the reason why she looks so sad in her pre apoc. design!]

And in one of those things she doesnt want to do but does anyway because she was forced by her parents was Ballet!! And in that ballet class, they meet Darcy. She absolutely hates him in how much he trashtalks her and in every mistake they do, making her even more miserable. But even so, shes actually really good at ballet!! she just hates it HAHA <3

But ohoho!!! The apocalypse comes!! And she finds that with no society judging her every move, she finds freedom to be themselves!!! Mischievious and sly, as well as loving beating things up!! <3

Post apocalypse time! They realize that life is too short and precious to constantly worry about what you look like and to always cower under her parents gaze, so she goes #girlboss and lives her life the way she always wanted to be >:] She gets so good in fighting zombies that she becomes an instructor in self defense!! B]

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Darcy : ALSO a typical rich kid thats also very annoying and pompous in every way, loves belittling and trashtalking others for his own benefit <3

Hes also brothers with Anthony! Although they have a very strained relationship (to the point he wont talk to him) because Anthony never defended Darcy against their parents whenever they chastised him for wanting to be a ballerina because that aint a 'boys' thing and that fact he never was 'manly enough'🙄

But how does Darcy get these prestigious ballet lessons you may ask? Well he gets funded by his way cooler uncle B] in who he lives with!

Hes top in his ballet class, being the star pupil even, until Carmen arrived that changed everything. She was just as good as him, and maybe even more. And that shook him to the core. He had to be better than everyone, he just has to! Because what else was his effort and fight for?

So yeah, WOOHOO RIVALRY!!!! He made fun of her at every turn, talked shit behind her back, just anything to maker her miserable so they would stop attending classes.

Untillll the apocalypse came :]]] AHEHEHEE he was sure put in his place, as he had to begrudgingly team up with Anthony and Carmen of all people to survive. Although, they do get to bond, and becomes a better person during and after the apocalypse.

POST APOCALYPSE YAYY OKAY SO hes achieving his dream and training to be a ballet instructor!! >:D

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Anthony : Hes a super duper kind sweetheart, very much contrasting to his brother, Darcy! Hes the captain of his schools soccer team too! Combined the fact that hes very kind and also very good at soccer, no wonder many other kids get crushes on him, but he never really returns the feelings.

But at the other side of the coin, hes afraid of making other people sad or disappointed, to the point where hes non-confrontational and self-sacrificing, and wants to be useful to others.

And why does he and Darcy have a complicated, strained relationship you may ask? Well hes afraid of confronting his parents that he ends up betraying Darcys trust and hurting his feelings because hes too afraid to defend him, even if he really wanted to. He feels really guilty about it everyday, but he cant bring himself to say a word against their parents.

At the start of the apocalypse, his first thought was to find Darcy. And with the help of Carmen and Quinn, he does! And during the apoc., it was hard to try to rebuild their relationship, but through understanding and trust, they become close again as they were when they were little children :]

And uh,, youre probably wondering why he doesnt have a post apocalypse design? To simply put it, he sacrificed himself for everyone to get out safely <3

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Quinn : The typical mean delinquent girlie who always gets in trouble in school along with her squad of bullies as they like bullying other kids and messing shit up that gives their school a constant headache😌😌😊

But sometimes, in the back of her mind, she knows that what shes doing and what her other 'friends' are doing can get too far. But that gets overlapped be her squads pressure to do shitty things. She cant turn back now, can she? She has no one except for her squad of 'friends'! 😔 So better do what they ask so she doesnt disappoint em! Plus the fact her family life is just... not good!!

[One person in particular got bullied so much that they moved schools because of them, which is Alice]

When the apocalypse hit, all her 'friends' left her to die, but was saved by Carmen! Hooray!! And during the apoc., with no squad to pressure her on, she doesnt know who she is without them. But she cant help but feel like she can breathe more as well. Plus the fact that shes teaming up with Alice, and has to confront her complicated feelings of the past with that.

after the apoc., she never goes back to her previous way of life, and goes to study to become a therapist so she could help troubled youth, as she was never given the help she needed before.

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Alice : A very shy, quiet girl whod prefer to be in the corners to not be noticed by anyone. Very low confidence in her self as well as very self consious- as she was bullied in her previous school.

When the apocalypse came, she was saved by Carmen, Anthony, Darcy, and...Quinn??? One of her previous bullies from her previous school??? Gasp!! But yes During the apocalypse she slowly finds confidence in herself again, letting all out her feelings in smashing zombies heads!! >:D You go girl!!

And with Quinn, although she may never forgive her, she slowly gets along with her along the way.

After the apoc.,,,,, well honestly i have no idea ill just have to think about it more HAHA

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AAANNDDD THATS IT THANK U FOR READING IF YOU DID!! :D Heres a strawberry as a reward!!🍓🍓🍓

#Apocalypse kids!#SIGH. THIS WAS A LONG WRITE #but ATLEAST IM FINALLY DONE WITH THIS WOOOOO #i love them so much <3 bonding via zombie apocalypse HAHA #godddd expression sheets take so long to make #like ur sayin i have to make every single face look good and legible??🙄😤#also im not checking grammar mistakes i am NOT reading back so much text 😭#but yeah this was certainly a challenge #but i haaaAADDD to finish it so they can be alltogether 🥺#also do you notice the diff sitting styles do you do you 🥺🥺🥺

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