#jaehyun fanfiction

[anashins]

Five Times a Day

Pairing: Jaehyun x You

Genre: angst, romance, smut

Word Count: 3.7k

Summary: After Jaehyun's ex drops the fact that they have once done it five times a day, you are eager to keep this record up.

A/N: Retroactive jealousy is real and this is me processing this problem. Maybe some of you can relate - remember: We're in this together and are stronger than our insecurities!

You sipped on your smoothie, barely listening to your friends who were excitedly talking across each other. Under usual circumstances, you would have been able to enjoy this gathering among you girls, but today… not at all. 

In fact, you were in a sulk. And it was all because of a guest from a past you had deemed forgotten already.

“By the way…” Said guest suddenly turned to you with a feigned, overly sweet smile. “How is Jaehyun?”

You rolled your eyes, refusing to look into the face of the girl who had just asked you this question. You had known she would eventually come up with this topic. After all, your boyfriend, Jaehyun, was her ex boyfriend. Justifiably his ex, though!

She had gone behind his back and cheated on him with his friend. It had been you who had mended his broken heart with no ulterior motives in the beginning, but after that cruel woman had moved away, it had evolved into something that the both of you had underestimated.

You had given him time, treated him with nothing other than patience and understanding, until one day, he had been able to move on with you who had no intention of hurting him in the same manner ever again.

“He’s perfectly fine, we’re so happy,” was your equally overly sweet reply.

Your best friend’s nudge into your side with her elbow pulled you out of your sulking attitude as she was silently begging you to get a grip of yourself. You just shrugged, reminding her that you had only tagged along because you were nosy and wanted to boast, and that you had no intention of being friendly. You just couldn’t have missed this opportunity to see how she was doing, no matter how much you resented her.

Jaehyun’s ex had been in your friend group back then and was now in the city for a few days, so everyone had accepted her invitation to meet up to reminisce about the old times - including you and your big ego. You slowly regretted it, even though you had only come to brag to her how much happier he was with you. It was just so exhausting to be fake-friendly.

But to prove to your best friend that you were ready to compromise, you added sharply with triumph in your voice, “We live together now.”

“Oh, I’m so happy for you!” the ex’s voice echoed through the café as she clapped into her hands. “I also have a new boyfriend with whom I live with!”

The other girls congratulated her, but you couldn’t bring yourself to do so as well. All you could think of was whether that guy was also a poor soul she would soon destroy. That was until she mentioned something else that only you could probably hear.

“Now that we live together, we do it like five times a day.” She chuckled, lowered her voice and leaned in to you. “Jaehyun has been able to do just as much. Say, does he still live up to it? You must for sure know.”

You resented her so much.

____

First

You woke up way before Jaehyun when the sun shone right into your face as you had forgotten to pull the curtains together the night before.

It was almost 7 in the morning, and soon, your alarm would go off so that you would only see each other again later that evening when you came back home from work. You were determined to beat the clock before that would happen.

With much caution, you lifted the blanket and crawled under the duvet to Jaehyun’s side of the bed. He only groaned when you accidentally leaned on his shin, but you were still able to settle on his legs under the blanket without waking him up fully. 

You reached out your hand and stroked the small mound under his pajama bottoms. It didn’t take long for that mound to turn into a firm bulge and for Jaehyun to react to your stroking with his thighs moving against your palm.

You didn't know whether he was awake yet or not from under the covers, but you liked the thought of this exact uncertainty. To push this act further, you hooked your fingers into the waistband of his bottoms and dragged the fabric downwards to the point where you could get a hold of his member and pull it out entirely.

Your fingers wrapped around Jaehyun’s length and you started moving them along his shaft until it stood nearly parallelly to his stomach. Sitting yourself up to be able to tug your own panties down, you shuffled forwards and guided his tip to your entrance.

When you slowly sank down onto him, you heard a loud moan from the other side of the blanket that was still covering you. Tight hands gripping onto your bum when you had taken him in fully, confirmed to you that your boyfriend was now awake - and ready for whatever was to come.

“Good morning,” you whispered, your head now peeking out from under the duvet.

Your boyfriend was still lying on his back with his eyes closed, but you still perceived his sensual and exciting expression as he licked over his lips and groggily fluttered his lids open.

With a grin, Jaehyun greeted you hoarsely, “‘morning.”

Your palms were placed flat onto his chest as the blanket slipped over your shoulders along your back and revealed your upper body that was only covered in your silken top. To Jaehyun, this was a sight he couldn’t get enough of, jolting him entirely awake now.

You put your weight on your forearms, just enough for you to lift your hips and come down at him again. Not much later, your moans filled the entire room, sunlight dancing across your skins on whichever part was currently in the right angle as you bobbed up and down on him.

Your back arched, your hair falling over your shoulder blades in long, silken streaks as the strands simultaneously moved to the rhythm you applied to Jaehyun’s groin. Not much later, your skin was glistening with sweat and you fell limply on your boyfriend’s chest as you had run out of strength.

Putting his arms around you, Jaehyun hurried you along until you bit into his shoulder to suppress your scream as you shook in his embrace. Shortly after, when you slowly calmed down, it was his turn. With his fingers entangled in your hair, he whispered sweet nothings into your ear, faltering between every syllable as he came.

You had never doubted that Jaehyun loved you very much. You had been very sure that he loved you even more than when he was the happiest with his ex-girlfriend.

But now, you weren’t quite so sure anymore. 

Not even when he took his time and risked being late to work just to cuddle with you in the aftermath.

____

Second

“What are you doing here?”

Jaehyun looked at you with very much surprise from across his desk when you closed the door behind you. You had visited him a few times at his workplace already, to bring him food or quickly say hello when you had been in the neighborhood - but never with such an intention.

The fabric of your trenchcoat felt cold on your skin as you wore nothing underneath other than the lingerie that you had actually wanted to save for your anniversary celebration. But until then, you had decided, you would buy a new set and use this one for this certain occasion.

Jaehyun couldn’t believe his eyes when you opened the coat’s belt across your waist and flashed him the sexiest set of red underwear that he had hopefully ever seen in his life. You physically watched his jaw drop and him taking off and then putting on again his glasses just to make sure that what he was currently witnessing was, indeed, real.

“Today is not my birthday, right?” You saw him gulp as his Adam’s apple moved along his neck, and you had to suppress a chuckle catching him so off guard. “Then I must be dreaming.”

“You’re not,” you answered and approached him in your heels that were also new. “Today is just your lucky day.”

“Then can every day be my lucky day?”

When you stood right in front of him after he had come forward from his seat, you let the trenchcoat slide down your shoulders, revealing the new bra fully, and your boyfriend couldn’t take his eyes off of you once again. 

“You are so beautiful,” he whispered before his head disappeared between your breasts. “I can’t get enough of you.”

“Then show me,” you challenged him. “Show me how much you want me. Right here and now.”

… and not her, you added silently in your mind, but pushed this intrusive thought right aside, because you wanted to live in this moment with Jaehyun and no one else.

“Very well,” he agreed and helped you take off the trenchcoat.

You were allowed to keep wearing your lingerie when Jaehyun grabbed you by your buttocks and placed your legs around either side of his hips just so that he could carry you. With one swift motion, he had turned you to his desk and kept you in place with one arm while the other reached out and threw everything in his reach from the desk onto the floor. 

Then, he placed you on the surface and parted your thighs with his hips. The moment he loosened his tie was the moment you lost it too, because, once again, it hit you out of nowhere how perfect your boyfriend was and that you actually shouldn’t care who had been with before and what he had done with that person.

Jaehyun was all yours when he slipped his fingers into your lace panties and pushed them into you to collect the fluids inside of you as you had gotten so wet already. He was all yours, when he dragged his hand along your folds and caused you to shudder with this motion only as they reached your clit. 

And he was also all yours when you couldn’t bear it for much longer and put your heels up on either side right on top of the desk to give him better access to enter you.

You were laying flat on the surface with your elbows propped up for support so that you could watch him thrust right into you. Jaehyun’s hair swung with each push and grew damp over time on the tips that touched his sweaty forehead. His fingers were still buried into your upper thighs so that no thrust would go astray, and when he looked up, you encountered this hungry look in his eyes.

He was long not done, and you only hoped that his short lunch break was enough for what he had still in store for you.

And as you were finally letting yourself go too, lying back down on the desk and moaning his name just loud enough to not to travel to the other offices, you wondered if he had done something like this before just by the way he knew what to do and how to enjoy it.

____

Third

You had set up a fancy dinner for Jaehyun later that evening. After having surprised him at his office, you had gone straight back to your own workplace and finished earlier to buy and prepare his favorite food.

By the time he was home, you had the appetizer and steak with side dishes ready, and even though you had been in a hurry to fix dinner, you were pretty impressed with how everything had turned out. After all, today, everything had to be perfect for this mission.

“Are you sure it’s not my birthday or another important date that I forgot about?”

Jaehyun raised a brow when he saw that you had set up the whole atmosphere with fancy crockery, cutlery and even lightened up candles. Usually, on weekdays, when you both had to work, you just threw something easy and light together and ate on the couch in front of the TV.

“Can’t I just do something nice for my boyfriend when I have the day off?”

“I mean… I’m not complaining. But this is the third nice thing you’re doing for me today. What did I do to deserve this?”

You put your hands around his neck and shook your head. “You’re just being you. Isn’t that enough.”

You got on your tiptoes to kiss him and were already looking forward to serving him dessert. And with “dessert” you didn’t mean ice cream or cake, because you had not prepared such. With “dessert” you meant having Jaehyun right under you at your mercy not even an hour later.

“Stop, stop!” Jaehyun breathed and stretched out his hand to gently lay it on the top of your head.

With a slurping sound, you let go of him and looked up to your boyfriend who was spread out on the couch underneath you. 

“You don’t like it?” you worried, because Jaehyun actually never said no to getting head. Again, you wondered what you did wrong and if he had ever said no to his ex. You bet not.

He cupped your face and softly pulled you up to him so that you were now hovering over his chest. “That’s not what I mean,” he grinned and kissed your smudged lips. “You did so much for me today, let me do something for you too.”

Not much later, you were a writhing, whiny mess, legs locked between Jaehyun’s head while he licked you like you were his literal dessert after this feast. You had cum twice in a row already and were thinking that if he wouldn’t stop now, you wouldn’t have much energy for the real deal soon.

“Already out of breath?” 

“Please… I just want you inside of me,” you begged.

“Very well.”

He took you on all fours from behind this time, fingers entangled in your hair and pulling you back every now and then to either kiss you or groan lewd words into your ear that made you blush slightly. In no way would one assume your boyfriend had this side to him if one were to meet him on the streets. 

How lucky you were. 

And other girls before that too, apparently.

But again, you pushed that thought aside when Jaehyun smacked your cheek and you let out a shriek that blended with your orgasm in the exact same moment. Pain and pleasure became indistinguishable, and that made it even more exciting as you experienced a high that only seldomly occurred. 

When you laid with your sweaty bodies chest to chest, you came to the conclusion that it probably truly didn’t matter what had ever been before you when the present was so beautiful. 

You didn’t want your insecurities to get the better of you, but your boyfriend was so perfect that you constantly wondered if one day, he would have enough of you if you couldn’t give the best like he deserved.

____

Fourth

“No.”

Your heart sank and you directly pulled your dressing gown close again. Underneath it, you wore a negligee that only rarely got put into use, but for the fourth time today, you wanted to present it to Jaehyun when he returned from the bathroom.

You only had two more times to go, you assumed you could get it done right now.

Your disappointment and shock were very visibly written all over your face though, and immediately, your boyfriend started to apologize.

“Look…” He seated himself next to you on the bed and looked at you with apologetic eyes. “Don’t beat yourself up over this! I really appreciate everything you did today, but it was a long day overall for me and I have to get up early again tomorrow. I just can’t keep up anymore today. It was great three times, but I’m physically at my end too and I really need to sleep soon.”

You didn’t want to say it. You truly didn’t. But your impulsive part had gotten the upper hand as all your feelings that you had been suppressing throughout the day boiled down to this one sentence,

“I bet you didn’t say that to your ex when you did it five times a day.”

For an unusually long time, Jaehyun stayed quiet and you feared that you had sabotaged your relationship at this point. 

“I knew there was something up with you,” he eventually said. “You shouldn’t have gone to that gathering, even though the other girls are still friends with her.”

“But I did, because I’m nosy and foolish.” You paused. “Are you mad now?”

“Yes.” Your heart dropped, but before you could defend yourself, Jaehyun continued, “I’m mad because you have let her confuse and make you question our relationship based on… what?”

Ruefully, you confessed, “She said that you had sex five times a day.” You sensed how he repressed laughter that was deeper than usual, so he wasn’t making fun. “What is it? Is it not true?”

Honestly, perhaps you should have asked Jaehyun before reacting blindly out of impulse, because after all, this cheating girl was a liar. But sadly, he dismissed your glimpse of hope.

“We did.” Jaehyun’s head dropped at the same moment as your heart. “This is true.”

“Oh…” 

You knew the person you should be angry at was yourself, not Jaehyun or his ex. You hadn’t been romantically involved at that time, it had nothing, absolutely nothing to do with you. But you couldn’t help but to compare yourself to her over and over again. 

What was wrong with you? Why couldn’t you just switch this off? Why was there no button connected to your feelings?

Something warm suddenly touched your hand, and it was Jaehyun’s, taking yours into his. You didn’t dare to look up, that was how ashamed you felt for yourself. 

“It was only one time,” he started calmly. “There was a snowstorm outside, so it was dangerous for her to go home. She stayed an entire day and night, that was when it happened. And do you know why it happened?”

You shrugged. You were unsure whether you actually wanted to know all the details to feed your insecurities even more.

“Don’t worry, the answer won’t be as you expect.” Jaehyun squeezed your hands and continued with a patient, tender tone, “The reason wasn’t because I found her more beautiful or hotter than you. Believe me, you are the only one for me. I cannot even look at other women and not think ‘Wow, I got the most beautiful girl out of all the girls in the world. She’s so perfect, I’m so lucky!’” Your cheeks were burning, but you kept listening diligently. “The reason was because we literally had nothing to talk about.”

Now, you lifted your head and faced your boyfriend who encouragingly smiled at you. He was sincere, you saw it clearly in his eyes. “What do you mean?”

“I mean that whenever we spent so much time with each other, we never had something to talk about. We had absolutely no common interests or topics of which we felt the need to engage in. The only attraction we had was a physical one, so when we were forced to stay with each other so long, there was nothing else that we could do.”

Jaehyun let go of your fingers and wrapped his hands around your waist instead to pull you into his warm lap, and you let him.

"Absolutely nothing?” you wanted to make sure. This indeed surprised you.

He chuckled ironically. “Yes, absolutely nothing.”

“But we always talk non stop.”

“I know.” You felt his full lips pressing into your cheek and smiled. “We are not only physically connected, but emotionally as well. Isn’t that beautiful? Do you know how much that is worth and that some people seek for a connection like ours an entire lifetime? I enjoy physical contact with you just as much as our conversations and laughter. There is no need to fill a void, because there is none in the first place.”

You had never thought that Jaehyun felt like that and it touched your heart very deeply. “When I heard her saying this, I was worried you would soon be bored with me if I couldn’t keep up.”

“No, don’t ever think that!” Jaehyun drew you close to his chest and you laid your head on his shoulder. “Our love came unexpectedly for each of us, and I think we both had to learn that the right love was calm and steady, not these highs and lows with many fights. This is how it’s supposed to be, don’t let it make you feel unsure because you’re not used to it too. We’re here now, we shouldn’t look back.”

Hearing this from him set your mind at ease. It made many things better that were here temporarily, but you were also aware that in order to fight any doubts you were holding against your relationship, you had to fight your inner demons first. 

It couldn’t be done in a day, but you would work hard, taking one step at a time and just believe in your boyfriend who assured you every day in many ways that his feelings were true and unwavering, no matter how big the demon had grown at this point. 

“I love you, Jaehyun.”

“Of course I love you too.” He chuckled. “You make me laugh, you defend me, you fight me, you challenge me, and whenever I’m at my wit’s end, you bring me back to life. This is worth so much more and there is no one else I can ever imagine being with again. To me, you’re perfect.”

“Funny,” you whispered as you felt him pressing a kiss onto your parting. “I always think that about you too.”

There was no need for a fourth or fifth time.

#jaehyun #jeong jaehyun #jaehyun smut #jaehyun imagines #jaehyun scenarios #jaehyun x reader #jaehyun x you #jaehyun x y/n #jaehyun fanfiction #nct #nct 127 #nct imagines #nct scenarios #nct smut #nct x you #nct x reader #kpop x reader #kpop imagines #kpop scenarios

[slightlymore]

deadly kiss

chief architect jaehyun x chief engineer fem reader

genre: office au, enemies? to lovers, dom x dom and trying to force each other to sub, romance, smut, fluff

warnings: +18, alcohol, language, explicit sexual content, oral fem receiving, fingering, random sir kink because i was horny like that, use of pet name baby for her during sex, gagging on fingers and sucking, light choking, raw, sex in office, creampie. 

words: 12k+

have this little something as I warm up back into writing. it was supposed to be longer and with some angst but it has been in my drafts for monthssss and I was sick of it ehaheah enjoy. if some of these things happened to me irl no they didnt :) 

────────────

Present, Monday 2 after the Kiss

That morning you woke up feeling the best you have felt in a hot minute. The sun was shining, the outfit you prepared looked good, you had no trouble putting on makeup that day and your hair looked great. Nothing could have disrupted such a holy morning.

Well, besides a pile of A3 papers on your desk. 

The sigh that escaped your chest as you stepped into your office sounded so defeated that your colleagues turned around in their wheeled chairs to check if you were okay. 

It’s not like you hated to have piles of paper on your desk. That was your job after all. 

It was the owner of those papers that made you roll your eyes so far back in your head that you saw green stars. 

“Can you kindly check these and confirm they’re okay? JJ :)” 

You stared at that yellow Post-it on top of the pile and the smiley face as if they committed a crime.  

“I don’t think you architects have any conception of math or physics,” you said, placing the papers on Jaehyun's desk maybe a bit too harshly. 

The man looked down at them with open palms then he prepared his cocky smile before lifting his eyes to look at you. 

He took his time with that: starting from the waist, going up slowly, shamelessly going over your breasts and finally face. 

"Hi," he tilted his head to one side and rested two fingers on his cheek. 

You rolled your eyes. 

"That project is halfway fucked," you explained, indicating the papers with your chin. 

Jaehyun's expression changed to a fake frown, going as far as giving you a little pout. "Oh, we can't allow that. Projects deserve to be fucked until the end. Just like yo-" 

You interrupted. "I swear if you continue that phrase, Jeong-" 

"Then what?" he interrupted you as well.

His eyes were dark. Eyelids low. But they were sparkling. 

You wouldn’t get intimidated. "I'll get you fired,” you said.

He chuckled. “That’s not what you said last weekend.” 

That’s right. It was all your fault. You’ve been bearing the heaviness of that fault for a few days now, in silence, and Jaehyun was just trying to make it even more difficult.

You leaned down slowly, looking around with circumscription but none of his crazy architect colleagues were paying attention to you two. If usually they’d be drinking champagne at 11 am discussing a building that breaks every law of gravity, they were weirdly dead inside that day. The project was probably kicking their ass too. 

Jaehyun stared at your cleavage underneath the dangling necklace you had around your neck before looking back up into your furious eyes. 

“Only because we made the mistake of kissing while drunk that Friday night, it doesn’t mean you can be unprofessional. Do you understand me?” 

The man’s eyes flickered and his cocky expression didn’t leave his pretty features. But he nodded once. “Yes, ma’am.” 

You straightened your back and cleared your voice, ignoring how that reply made your stomach churn. You blamed it on rage. Hearing his deep voice so up close made you irrationally mad. 

“Look again at that proposal of yours and the adjustments I made. I can give you a physics crash course if you need it.” 

“Really? Would you?” 

“I was being sarcastic. Do you think engineers in this place have time to babysit you little artsy people?” 

“Maybe I can give you something back for the effort?” 

You scoffed and crossed your arms, expecting some usual Jeong Jaehyun bullshit, like ‘a kiss’, ‘a date’, ‘my cock’. But he stood up and pulled down his dress pants on the thighs before getting the papers you gave him back and stacking them well together. 

“Like some artistic eye since you clearly lack that,” he said. 

You felt your jaw tighten at the insinuation. 

He got closer, his lips almost touching your ear. “There’s no need to be rude to me only because you think I’m attractive,” he lowered his voice, the little smirk never leaving his face. “I can play this game too.” 

You opened your mouth to reply but the swoosh he created by walking away made your hair get into it. 

“Thank you for the review,” he added already a few meters away. 

────────────

“It’s a theme park.” 

You licked your lips with furrowed eyes, your tongue still faintly tasting the hair conditioner. The meeting of the day was to announce the new project the firm was about to take on. One of the many you've been going crazy over lately. Of course, you had to be the one to take notes that day. You enjoyed the fair share of responsibilities your company had, but sometimes you really missed having a little secretary to do the little jobs for you. 

You sighed as your nails tapping on the keyboards accompanied the voice of the speaker. 

“There will be a few main rides we’ll be responsible for. Our engineers are great and I have huge trust in you all. For this task, you’ll have to work with the architecture team though.” 

Your typing stopped. A few of your colleagues murmured. Engineers were usually complete individuals. They could build rides for a theme park themselves with no need from the weirdos of the other office. They usually needed the engineers, never the opposite. 

“I think we’re capable of working on this on our own, sir,” you said.

The man sighed as if he expected the resistance. 

“This is just to ensure the theme park will also be-” he hesitated, “pretty.” 

The murmurs got louder. 

“Sir, you’ve seen my portfolio,” someone argued. 

“I designed a theme park on my own for my final university project and last year I-” somebody else added. 

The man lifted his palms like a tired father. “I know, I know. And your work is ideal. It is, however, very boring. Ugly colours. Mechanical innovation, yes. Is it interesting to look at? No. You’ll work with the architects. Meeting closed.” 

────────────

Jaehyun didn’t have to ask anyone why you all were mad as fuck after exiting the meeting hall. The rumour of the firm taking onto the project of a theme park has been whispered around in the CEO’s office for a few days now and he was lucky to have a charming personality and become friends with him. From the look on your face, you didn’t know and Jaehyun would have wanted to stop you and ask if you also wanted a coffee, maybe clown you a bit, but he didn’t manage to. He brought the white cup to his lips instead and blew the steam, going back with his mind to the Friday night, when you were doing the same. 

────────────

Past, 2 weeks ago, the Kiss day

“Coffee so late at night?” Jaehyun asked, getting closer to the drinks table. You were resting your red-wrapped hips on it, looking bored. 

“I had too much to drink already. Trying to sober up,” you replied and your voice came so muffled that Jaehyun had to stop and look at your face. 

You weren’t bored. 

You were completely drunk. Absolutely shit-faced. 

That wasn’t the most surprising part though. Everyone was drunk at that office party. Jaehyun himself was feeling too lightheaded for his liking. It was something else. 

“Are you acting cute right now?” he asked with a mix of shock and amusement. 

Your lips were pouty on the brim of the cup you were holding. You shook your head. 

Then you tried to take another sip from the steamy coffee but your wavering hand missed your mouth and the dark liquid slowly descended from your chin towards your chest instead. 

“Shit,” you looked down at your dress.

“God, are you okay?” Jaehyun was quick to grab a napkin. “Did you burn yourself?” 

He took the cup from your hands and put it on the table behind you before gently tapping away at your neck. 

“No, it was just warm,” you assured him. “It’s very sticky though. Poured too much sugar. I’ll go wash up,” you announced and placed your palms on his chest to gently push him away from your path. Jaehyun watched your back as you tried to walk towards the corridor but the way you were dangling to one side and then the other in your high heels made his anxiety go through the roof. 

“Wait, I’ll help you,” he wrapped your shoulders with one arm. 

You hummed as if appreciative and Jaehyun blinked a few times, squinting then relaxing his eyes to try and read all the signboards and see where the hell the bathroom was on that floor. He was also almost shitfaced from the suspicious wine the office brought, but also, he forgot his glasses home that day. 

What a couple of losers you two were. 

“Listen, I think we need to go down a few floors. I have no idea where the hell the bathroom is here.” 

You hummed again and leaned with all of your weight against Jaehyun’s chest. Your eyes were closed as if about to fall asleep. 

Jaehyun sighed, a little sarcastic “great” huffing from his chest. He let his arm fall from your shoulders to your waist for better support and he hit the lift button with his knuckles. It was fortunately already there and Jaehyun had to half drag you and half push you inside of it. For a moment he felt relieved, but then your weight pushed him against the wall and he had to wrap his arms around you again to not make you slide down. 

“Can you just hold yourself up for a second?” he felt irritated. 

But his expression relaxed as you lifted your face. Your half-closed eyes and open lips made him gulp.

“Can you smile for once? I really like your dimples,” you replied and poked one of his cheeks. 

Jaehyun was flabbergasted. The stuck-up, boring, and work-obsessed chief engineer was poking his cheek while her coffee-shined tits were pressed against his tie?  He felt like seeing you for the first time. 

“Ah, come on!” you added, grabbing his face with your hands and making him pout. “You never smile.” 

“I smile a lot, you just never look at me,” he tried to speak while your thumb was digging into his cheek. Unfortunately, he thought, but he kept that to himself. 

You tried to say something else but the ding of the elevator made Jaehyun look towards the opening doors towards a dark corridor. You turned his face towards you again and leaning in, you pressed a chaste kiss on his plump pink lips. 

Jaehyun’s eyes widened and although drunk, you looked surprised as well. “Shit, sorry,” you tried to take a step back but Jaehyun’s palms on your waist didn’t let you go. 

He slid one hand on your neck, right below the ear and pulled your face back to meet his lips again. You hummed, closing your eyes and firstly grabbed at his jacket before you finally decided to wrap his neck with your arms and abandon yourself in the kiss. Your lips tasted like sweet coffee and Jaehyun hoped it could sober him up as well because he felt suddenly very dizzy. And when you slid your tongue inside his mouth he almost moaned, letting his palms caress your spine before groping at your soft ass. Your body got even closer to his and he had to move just once to pin you against the elevator wall. You grunted and Jaehyun wondered if he pushed into you too harshly, but then you kissed him again as if you could not get enough and he relaxed, welcoming the leg you lifted on his hip. Your skin felt soft under his fingertips and it felt even softer under his lips as he started to kiss your jaw, going down your neck following the coffee trail and cleaning it up with his tongue until it reached the chest. Your eyes were closed and your hands in his hair were making his half-hard cock throb too much. With an enormous almost inhuman force he stopped, hands resting on both sides of your head, chest lifting and falling quickly. Your sensual gaze made him gulp and when you talked, he could barely hear it. 

“What?” 

“I said, what department are you from? Sales?” 

“I’m an architect. Jeong Jaehyun?” 

Your face fell so fast that Jaehyun had to take a small step back. 

“God,” you furrowed your eyebrows, “not an architect.” 

Jaehyun had to remain still for a few minutes after you left to process the whole situation. 

────────────

Past, Monday 1 after the Kiss

Monday morning came quicker than you expected and with it the memories of Jeong Jaehyun the architect’s tongue inside your mouth. The elevator you were taking was the same and with the corner of your eye, you could exactly pinpoint where he pushed you against the wall to give you the best make-out session of your whole life. You shuddered and looked away. You psyched yourself to forget everything the whole weekend, or at least, to stop worrying about it, but it was very hard when you knew you would end up seeing him at work. You tried to drink from the cup you were holding but the taste of coffee made your brain buzz with the memory of Jaehyun licking up the sweet and bitter liquid from the swell of your breasts as if he was doing it at that moment too. 

You really drunkenly kissed a coworker? An architect? Your university friends would probably laugh at you for the rest of their lives. 

You didn’t know much about him so you hoped that by not seeing him often every embarrassment would soon die out. 

But apparently, he knew a lot about you. 

The shoes you chose that day were flat and comfortable and you were quick to reach your desk and sit down, avoiding everyone that might have seen something. 

Clearing your throat you turned on your computer right before a shadow in the shape of a man could obscure the keyboard. 

You looked up and Jaehyun smiled politely, the head to the side like a little bird. 

“Good morning,” his voice was deep. 

You opened your mouth and you felt your glasses slide down your nose. “Good morning?” 

The man blinked at you for a moment as if waiting for something. “Well?” 

You slowly looked around, darting your gaze across the room to understand what the hell was going on. Was he there to talk about the kiss? Was he a little boy who thought you were dating? Did you promise something? Did you offend him and he was waiting for an apology?

“Do you need something?” you pushed your glasses back and gulped at his sudden chuckle. 

“Yes. The projects for today,” he replied with both hands politely extended towards you. 

“Huh?” 

You took in the view of the man talking to you. Wasn’t Jeong Jaehyun the architect dude with sick tongue skills, and that’s it? Why was he talking to you as if he knew you? 

Then you felt as if the gods themselves hit you in the back of your head. 

“You’re-” you covered your mouth with the fingers, “you’re Jisung?” 

The man’s smile disappeared to make space for confusion. He furrowed his eyebrows while thinking about what he could reply to that. 

“You do call me a different J name every time so, I guess that’s technically true for you.” 

You took off your glasses because you were afraid the sudden heat wave to your cheeks and chest could melt them off. 

“I thought you were-,” you started, “I thought you were some assistant. You’re the Architect team chief Jeong Jaehyun? The man that I kis-”, you stopped yourself. 

Jaehyun couldn’t conceal a sudden chuckle but you also saw the shadow of annoyance in his dark eyes. 

“You had no idea who I was all of this time we worked together? We talk all mornings and you hand me the projects.” 

You were too stunned to speak. 

“We’ve been doing this for months now,” he added. 

You felt your mouth dry. 

Jaehyun scoffed and placed his hands on your desk, leaning down as if having a secret to share. 

You gulped and looked around but no one paid you any mind. 

“You need Architects to make out with you for you to remember their name and face?” 

His whisper made your skin shiver and while you were previously looking at his eyes, you had to stare at his necktie instead after that phrase. 

“Why do you keep coming to my office? You have nothing else to do? Send some assistant over from now on,” you blabbed. 

Jaehyun straightened his back. 

“Okay.” 

You nodded as if you just somehow resolved that embarrassing issue. 

“You’ll come to my office starting tomorrow and hand me the projects instead.” 

“What?” your voice was louder than you expected and a few heads turned around. 

Jaehyun’s lips stretched in a lazy and cocky smile. “I’ll get them. For today,” he grabbed the pile of papers from your desk. “Thank you.” 

His back looked huge as he turned around and exited the office. 

────────────

Jaehyun was fuming. 

He threw the papers on his desk with such violence that two poor interns jumped in place with their little coffees. 

“Everything is under control. Go back to work and mind your business,” he barked at them. 

He forgot he styled his hair that morning and when he tried to pass one hand through the fringe his fingers got stuck in the wax. 

“For fuck’s sake,” he sat down and unbuttoned his sleeves instead, rolling them up. 

You really had no idea who he was. 

He was shocked, embarrassed, and so fucking offended. 

No, he felt humiliated. 

All of those mornings of him longing- no. He would not admit that to himself. All of those mornings of him working with you and you couldn’t even remember his name, let alone his face. 

Was everyone just a nameless and faceless pawn around you? He has never seen a more arrogant and rude person in his whole life. 

And the fact he was still burning with desire for such a conceited woman was driving him insane with rage. 

────────────

Your fingers were a bit trembling after Jaehyun left. That was possibly the most embarrassing experience of your entire existence. 

You rested your forehead on your palms and waited for a few minutes to see if you could get your shit together and start working. 

And you kissed. For fuck’s sake. 

The mewl that escaped your lips caught the attention of some fellow engineers who were kind enough to stop and ask if you had some sort of stomach ache. 

You lifted your head to look at them in the eyes and you realized you had no idea who these people were. 

Your parents have always told you to stop overworking yourself and start having a bit of fun too, especially in school. It shouldn’t have been such a huge issue, but realizing you made zero close friends or even acquaintances because you’ve been staring at your desk and computer for all of that time was a shocking realization. 

You cleared your throat and gave your coworkers the kindest smile you could pull off. 

“I am fine. Thank you very much.” 

The people whispered something between themselves and walked away with awkward nods. 

“She’s definitely sick. She smiled.” 

“You know when people are about to die and they change personality all of a sudden?”

“She never looked me in the eyes before. I felt like getting turned to stone after seeing Medusa.” 

You felt your glasses slide down your nose again at the gossip and you exhaled deeply. 

Jeong Jaehyun - and his tongue - made you realize people considered you the worst bitch in the universe. 

────────────

The HR secretary furrowed his eyebrows. 

“What do you mean, all profiles?” 

You were tapping your thigh with one fingertip in front of his desk. 

“I need all profiles of all workers in the company to choose the- uh- the best team for this huge important project, yeah.”

The young man wasn’t impressed but he wasn’t going to deny the desires of the notorious Chief Engineer. 

“I will send you the credentials to access the files, ma’am. Anything else I can do for you?” 

“Thank you. That’s all,” you gave him a small nod and turned around. “Actually,” you stopped in place and hesitated. “I know this is not your job but could you talk to someone and bring coffee to the Architets’ office?” 

The secretary blinked. “Coffee, ma’am?” 

You gulped down the irritation. “Yes, please. Don’t say it’s from me. Please.” 

────────────

“This coffee is a gift from Chief Engineer Y/N,” the HR secretary announced as he accompanied the interns carrying a tray. 

Jaehyun was groaning and extending his arms above his head when he suddenly heard the commotion. 

“I think she’s punishing us for something we did,” one person said, grabbing a cup of coffee and looking at it suspiciously. “This is also so expensive.”

“Well, even if she spit in it, I will drink it, you know what I mean,” another winked and got shoulder hit by his cackling friends. “What? She’s scary but she’s hot.” 

“She’d probably bite your dick off.”

Jaehyun got closer and stared down the iron tray. 

“You said Y/N sent this?” he asked the secretary who seemed just as baffled, Jaehyun realized. 

“Yes, sir.” 

“Did she say why?” Jaehyun grabbed a cup and smelled it. Normal coffee. 

“No clue sir. She instructed me to not tell you she sent it but-,” he interrupted himself and got closer. Jaehyun leaned towards him to hear. “-we need to track who’s giving what food to whom, you know. It’s right for you to know if perhaps something bad happens to all of you.” 

Jaehyun winced. The jokes about you being evil were funny only when he made them. 

“You don’t think she would actually do something to this coffee, right?” Jaehyun asked. 

The secretary straightened his back and although Jaehyun had no idea what expression he had on, the other man felt somehow intimidated because he stuttered a tiny “no, sir.” 

“Good. Why did she ask you to do this?” 

“Oh that, she came over to ask the profiles of all the people working at our company.” 

Jaehyun’s head was hurting. You were so convoluted. 

“Why?” 

“No clue, sir. She said something about making up a team.” 

You had no business reading the info of all of your coworkers for that. The idea of you wanting to learn more about him after the terrible interaction you had that morning made him roll his eyes in annoyance at how good it felt for a second. 

────────────

You felt like a thief although you got the info of everyone legally. You cleared your throat and started to scroll through all the profiles, mildly interested. You opened the first one and tried to read but then you puffed your cheeks and closed it. 

The J was in the middle and you pretended to have accidentally stumbled upon Jeong Jaehyun’s profile instead. 

Alright alright, you yelled at yourself in your mind. You were interested. God, his kiss was so good and his face, wow. You couldn’t forgive yourself for not looking at him once in all of those months. 

And you’ve been so rude to him. You shivered. 

Jeong Jaehyun 14 February 1997. 

You rolled your eyes. That birthday must have been made up. It’s impossible for a man like him to be a Valentine Boy. 

You tried to remember what you knew about Aquarius but your astrology knowledge was too limited so you hoped that would be compatible with your sign. 

Pause no. Why were you thinking about astrology compatibility? Maybe you were actually dying?

Tsk, graduated cum laude, the rascal. He wasn’t just pretty but also smart. 

Your eyes slowly darted across the page, eating up all the info the company could legally allow you to read and you had to admit that his projects had been insane even before coming to your company. 

And the ones he had under his belt afterwards? Well, they were all projects you also worked on. You felt sick. 

Were you really such a bad person?  

You sighed and closed his profile, starting to read the others. 

────────────

Jaehyun’s day has never felt longer. He thought he should probably go to the gym because the pain in his back was only getting worse and he should probably extend those muscles somehow. 

His brain was going over the menu for the dinner as well when he heard your voice in the main hall. He exited the lift and saw your smiling face greeting some of your fellow engineer colleagues. 

“Good work today, Minnie.” 

Poor Minnie smiled back as if the queen herself greeted her and almost tripped against the poor man who got blinded by your sudden kindness. 

Jaehyun stopped in place and sighed, trying to suppress the cackle. 

“See you tomorrow, ma’am,” the man added. 

“Have a nice evening, Yeonjun.” 

Jaehyun lifted one eyebrow at Yeonjun’s glossy eyes and walked over. 

He saw you sigh and turn around right into his chest. 

“I see you’ve done your homework.” 

You gasped and took a step back to be able to see him in the face.

“Do you remember my name too?” Jaehyun added with a cocky smile and you exhaled, crossing your arms on your chest. 

“Of course, I do.” 

Jaehyun buttoned up his jacket with a smile. “Good. Don’t forget to come to my office with the projects tomorrow.” 

“Listen,” you stopped him as he tried to walk around you. “I am- sorry for what happened this morning. I am very embarrassed about it.” 

You couldn’t look him in the eyes and Jaehyun had to tighten his fist inside his pants pocket at how cute you looked. 

“But-” you lifted your gaze on him. It was piercing. “-you have no right to treat me like this.” 

“Like this how?” 

“You’re punishing me.” 

Jaehyun opened his mouth then closed it at the accusation. It was true but he didn’t like for you to know about it. 

“I am not.” 

“You are.” 

“Coming to my office and seeing my pretty face is a punishment in your opinion?”

You put your tongue in the cheek with a scoff. “This. You’re- so cocky. You’re annoying.” 

Jaehyun’s dimples made an appearance. “You think I’m annoying? You didn’t know who I was after months of working together. That’s annoying.” 

“I apologized.” 

“Very insincerely so.” 

“I learned everything about you.” 

“Stalker.” 

You scoffed again, putting your hands on your hips. His everlasting smile was driving you nuts. 

“Alright. See you tomorrow, then. In your office. I’ll gladly hand you your work as you clearly burn with desire for me to do.” 

────────────

Back to Present, 2 weeks after the Kiss

The following days rolled on fairly easily. The annoyance and anxiety about going to Jaehyun’s office died slowly as you realized you only had to walk over, say hi, and place papers on his desk. 

If he thought you were rude by not small talking it wasn’t worse than not remembering his name and face after months of working together. 

Everything went back to normal and you started to be also decently popular in your office. Shocker, but if the chief is in a good mood and treats everyone with kindness, everyone works more efficiently. That’s the only good thing Jaehyun brought into your life. 

Well, that was until that day and the stupid yellow Post-it sticker on your desk. 

“Can you kindly check these and confirm they’re okay? JJ :)”  was still in front of you on your desk after the meeting about the Theme Park. 

There’s no need to be rude to me only because you think I’m attractive, was also still rolling in your brain and you wanted to go back to his office and yell that he was not attractive at all. He was just an annoying prick who had the upper hand because you embarrassed yourself in front of him once. 

But there were limits to all and he was starting to be too much. 

────────────

Jaehyun expected an Engineers and Architects meeting to happen at a certain point but he didn’t expect for it to be only the two of you. 

“So, I guess you’ve heard but we’re tasked to work together on a theme park.” 

You were alone in the huge meeting hall, one in front of the other, the large shiny desk separating you. Jaehyun looked at your white button down snuggly covering your breasts and the tiny bit of lace adorning your bra pocking out made him swallow dryly for the fourth time in one minute. 

“Yes,” he simply said. You moved and the shirt covered the lace. He sighed. “We can finally have a pretty theme park.” 

You rolled your eyes and Jaehyun wondered if you’d roll them the same way while he’d pound you into the mattress. 

His crush on you has been annoying him for a while now, but the recent development and the fact you didn’t even know who he was for a long time while he was under the impression that you might fuck soon has been a very low blow to his self-esteem. 

Now, he was trying to fight the attraction so badly but his cock had a brain of his own apparently because even if he found you arrogant and annoying, he really liked the soft side you showed him multiple times and that turned him on too much to ignore. 

“Engineers also have taste.” 

“Well you kissed me so I guess you do have a bit of taste, I’ll give you that.” 

You let the pen go and crossed your arms on your chest. “Can’t you keep it in your pants for one second so we can discuss this like normal adult coworkers?” 

“It is in my pants.” 

“You’re being inappropriate.” 

“You brought up cock talk.” 

“You brought up kiss talk.” 

“You kissed me first.” 

Jaehyun smiled at the victory and you leaned back in the chair. 

“Can we please stop talking about that and pretend it never happened?” 

“Actually you owe me another apology.” 

You waited with a lifted eyebrow. 

“You basically said ew architects after kissing me that night.” 

You scoffed. “And I stand by that. I’m not apologizing. Are baby architect’s feelings hurt?” 

Jaehyun licked his lower lip in annoyance. “Why?” 

“Why what?” 

“Why do you hate architects so much?” 

“Why do you hate engineers?” you resorted. 

“I don’t hate you.” 

“You do.” 

He lowered his voice. “I don’t. You want me to hate you, maybe.” 

“Why would I want that?” 

“That’s your homework for the day. Think about it.” 

“If you’re under the impression that I pretend to hate you because I secretly like you so I secretly would like for that to be the case from your part too, well, you’re wrong,” you smiled although you started to feel the muscles of your thighs shake ever so slightly under the desk. The building was almost empty and the lights were getting turned off one by one leaving you and Jaehyun alone in the huge room, faces illuminated by the blue screens of the computers and the constellation of lights of the skyline. 

“That’s a very convoluted thought. Of course, you don’t like me. You don’t even know me.” 

“You can stop rubbing that in. I know you now.” 

“Well, then it’s a matter of time before you start liking me.” 

“You’re so arrogant.” 

“I am arrogant?” 

“Well, I don’t have the presumption that everyone in the building is onto me.” 

“How do you even know I’m like that? You don’t know me.” 

“You walk around like you have a 9 inches cock.” 

Jaehyun widened his eyes for a second then leaned forward to laugh. His eyes closed and his perfect teeth shone on display. You realized he got whiskers when laughing hard. It pissed you off. 

“And if I do?” he tried. 

You scoffed with a smile. “That’s not human.” 

“9 is a lot, I’ll give you that, but it's not inhuman.”

“Well, I hope you don’t have 9 because I’d be worried about your lower back carrying that around.” 

“Holy shit, I do have back problems. You think it’s that?” 

“For fuck’s sake, Jeong Jaehyun. Please let’s get back to work.” 

Jaehyun stopped talking and you started to actually explain the new project. You both liked the little smile that remained on each other’s lips. 

────────────

Jaehyun was not at his desk that morning so you bit your lower lip, slowly putting down the files for the day. You had no reason to see each other or talk about anything else since both teams had to work on their share of tasks before meeting again but you just wanted to- you had no idea what.

You looked around and touched a few of his desk items before noticing his phone silently blowing up. You looked around the office to see if he was coming but he was nowhere to be seen. The walk around the desk felt natural but also stealthy and you hoped no one was looking at you. You sat in his chair and the jacket he kept on it smelled like him. 

You sighed. Ew men and their hot cologne, right? 

The phone’s screen had no time to turn off as text notifications rolled on the screen again and again underneath your gaze. You wondered if he was part of many active groupchats before realizing they were all private messages both from registered numbers and numbers with no name. 

You felt your throat itchy upon realizing they were mostly from women trying to chit-chat. You scoffed, staring the phone down. He was that popular huh? And he wasn’t replying to any of them? He was so arrogant-

“Fuck!” you whimpered, bringing one hand to the back of your neck and finding someone’s cold knuckles. “What do you think you’re-” you grabbed the hand and turned around. Jaehyun’s perfect eyebrow was lifted. 

“What are you doing at my desk?” he asked, interrupting your question. 

“I came to give you the files,” you stood up and looked at your hand still holding his fingers. You let them go in the same instant. 

He hummed and sat down before realizing you were still there. “Is there something I can do for you?” he turned towards you in his chair. 

You cleared your throat. “I need your phone number.” 

You had no idea why you said that but it was too late. You tried to maintain a neutral face.

Jaehyun’s expression didn’t tell you anything about what he thought. 

“You have it. It’s written on the file all workers have-” 

“Your personal cellphone number,” you interrupted him. 

The man’s eyes were piercing but you didn’t want to look away. Your brain was running quickly to make up some excuse about why you wanted it but he didn’t ask. 

He extended one arm to reach the pen holder and got one, clicking it. When he turned around he searched for your hand, the same holding his fingers before, and grabbed it gently, palm towards his face. 

“Why are your hands so cold?” you mumbled as he started to scribble on your skin. 

“Because my heart is warm,” he replied without missing a beat. “Also, I just washed them.” 

You rolled your eyes, watching him write his number slowly. His fingers were on your pulse and you hoped he could not feel how quick it was starting to get. Why was he writing on your hand instead of a piece of paper? And why didn’t you just take your hand away? Being around him made you feel and act stupid.

One strand of hair fell from his hairdo, obscuring his eyes from your gaze, but then he finished and looked up at you, the neck extended showing a single vein popping out from his tight collar. 

“There you go,” he added. 

You slid your hand from his hold and fought the urge to tighten it in a fist as if to hide something shameful. 

“Thank you,” you replied and exited the office. 

────────────

That night you were at your home desk, head in hands, trying to come up with a problem about the project you could text Jaehyun about. 

Everything could be an email and bothering coworkers outside of working hours was abhorrent, but he was Jaehyun and you didn’t care if he got mad at you. 

No. You wanted him to get mad at you. But why?

You couldn’t think of anything at all so you let your phone go and walked towards the kitchen to grab a bottle of wine. 

Last time you got drunk you kissed him, you remembered. The glass was cold and the wine fresh and you tried to drown the memories of his lips on yours because they made you shiver in embarrassment. Or desire? 

Your growling stomach communicated the need for a snack too but the only thing you could think of making were chicken nuggets so you threw them on an oven tray and hoped for the best. 

When Jaehyun heard his phone ring he was about to jump on the bed, kicking his feet and giggling before realizing he was a grown man with cock and balls. 

“Hello?” he talked into it calmly, after clearing his voice. He knew you'd call after that awkward encounter in his office and he paced the apartment the whole evening.

“Hey,” your voice on the other line sounded muffled. “You answer surprisingly well for someone that gets calls and texts from women 24/7.” 

Jaehyun smiled and sat on the bed. “So this is what it was about, huh.” 

You didn’t reply for a moment and he desperately wanted to know what expression you had on. 

“I’m calling because of an issue with the project,” you mumbled after a bit. 

“Y/N,” Jaehyun called calmly. 

“Yes.”

“Are you drunk?” 

“I am not drunk. I am working right now!” 

“Every time you’re drunk you think of me?” 

“I said I am not drunk.” 

Jaehyun kept ignoring you. “Well, you can’t deny it’s a weird coincidence.” 

“Fuck-” you suddenly said and Jaehyun stopped talking. 

“Oh, shit-” you repeated and dropped your phone, probably on the ground. 

“Y/N, what’s happening?” 

Jaehyun could not make sense of any of the sounds on the other side but it didn’t seem anything good. 

“Y/N, everything is fine?” he spoke again but you probably couldn’t hear him. 

“My fucking nuggets-” he heard your whimper as if far away and the moment the smoke detector went off and you mumbled something about a fire extinguisher Jaehyun got his shoes and ran outside his apartment. 

────────────

Your voice got cut off as soon as you opened the door after the endless incessant doorbell rings from someone clearly very panicked. You opened and his arms were so strong that your breath went missing and you were forced to nuzzle your face into the crook of his neck by the sheer force of his embrace. You’ve never seen him with soft unstyled hair and the worried expression underneath his fringe just made him even cuter. 

“You’re just-,” you heard Jaehyun’s deep voice on the crown of your head, “-so fucking stupid.” 

You furrowed your eyebrows but he went on. 

“So irresponsible. I am shocked at how you could have let your fucking oven burn when you have the brains to build a whole city.” 

“I was distracted,” you spoke softly into his shirt. It smelled like laundry detergent. His mix of insults and compliments weirdly made you giggle.

Jaehyun let you go and grabbed your face with both hands, finally looking at you frantically and squishing your cheeks. 

“I am okay,” you assured him. “Everything is under control.” 

The man sighed deeply as if slightly placated but the line between his eyebrows didn’t get smoothed out. And when he finally looked behind you and assessed the tragic situation of your burned-out oven covered in white foam he had to close his eyes for a moment to gather his shit. 

“It’s okay! It was an old oven anyway,” you turned around, trying to ignore that he was still holding your hand. 

“Your house could have burned down with you in it.”

“How do you even know where I live? And you called me the stalker?” you confronted him. 

“It’s written in your profile.” 

He let go of your hand and got closer to the kitchen, looking at the mess with hands on the hips like the embodiment of a dad. It made your guts tingle. 

“Sure. And you know all the addresses of all of your coworkers,” you followed him, resting your elbows on the island. 

“Of course, I don’t. I don’t like them. Stop talking nonsense and let’s clean this out.” 

You had no idea in what capacity you helped because at a certain point Jaehyun just gave you a glass of water and told you to sit down. 

You didn’t feel that well. 

Both because you were kinda tipsy and you went through all stages of grief putting out a fire, but also because he was there, and he said he liked you. Right? Jung Jaehyun said he liked you. 

And not only. 

"I know you're capable of dealing with this alone. You don't need my help but I'd like to help," he said as you tried to push him to the side and clean the mess yourself. No one talked like that before and a weird fuzzy sensation softened the muscles in your legs making you sit down. 

You sipped on the water without talking back, staring at the way his forearms were flexing while cleaning out your oven and the surroundings.

“No need to be meticulous. They’re coming tomorrow to change it anyway,” you tried, feeling awkward as no one did you any favours before. 

Jaehyun didn’t reply and you realized he looked very handsome when focused. Well, not that he was ugly when unfocused, but the way his jaw looked sharper and his gaze darker made you sigh and take another sip of water. 

“Is your hair bothering you? I can give you a headband,” you tried again. 

“You are bothering me.” 

You scoffed. “I am trying to be nice right now. Your hair is pretty long. Doesn’t it go in your eyes?” 

You were expecting some witty flirty reply back, along the lines of you pushing it back for him, but Jaehyun didn’t look in the mood. 

The truth was that you felt very embarrassed about the situation; as if you failed at something and Jaehyun was scolding you. That was new for you. 

“Fuck, this could have been a tragedy,” he mumbled, as if almost on cue. 

“I am sorry to have worried you.” 

Jaehyun stopped to look at you. “Why are you apologising to me? You’re the one surviving a fire.” 

“But I am okay. You seem much more shaken than me.” 

Jaehyun kept silent and when he stood up you realized he finished cleaning up the foam and the dark burning spots. You stared at the back of his head as he washed his hands in the sink. 

“Also thank you for being here,” you added. You didn’t know what else to do so you got up and walked towards him. Was a hug weird? Should you just shake his hand and call him a pal? 

His body stiffened a bit feeling your timid arms around his waist. “You’re still drunk?” he simply said, patting his hands dry with your kitchen towel.  You stopped and slid them away. 

“You said you like me,” you mumbled against his back. 

“Yep, still very drunk.” 

He grabbed your hands to be able to turn around and face you, resting his hips against the kitchen cabinet. 

“You said there were issues about the project when you called,” he added. 

You blinked at him. “You really want to talk about work right now?” 

Maybe he did. He was your coworker after all. And he certainly didn’t come over to “save” your sorry ass if you didn’t call him about it. 

Suddenly you felt very embarrassed. 

You kissed the man in an elevator after not even remembering his name and then asked for his number and now you wanted to make out with him in front of your destroyed oven? 

You gulped and took a small step back but your breath stopped as his hands holding yours grabbed your waist instead and didn’t let you move away too much. 

“I am buying some time,” he explained. 

Your voices got so low that you barely could hear him, but your gaze on his lips helped you understand what he was talking about. 

“Are you scared to kiss me again?” you asked. 

“Are you going to ask me to forget it happened Monday morning again?” 

His fingers were delicate on your skin for a moment you remembered you were wearing your pajamas. The thin top definitely didn’t hide anything from his gaze and the midriff being exposed to his knuckles made you shiver. 

“I won’t ask to do that if you don’t make it awkward.” 

“Fucking your coworker is always awkward.” 

You blinked at him as if suddenly realizing you were standing half naked between your hot coworker’s thighs (who was an architect!!) “I didn’t say I was planning to fuck. Just-uhm kiss.” 

Jaehyun smiled and your eyes darted to his dimples then back to the white flash of his teeth. 

“You think you’ll be able to stop after one single kiss?” 

You stepped back and crossed your arms on your chest to feign confidence but mostly to hide the tremor in your arms. "Try me."

Jaehyun took a moment to let his gaze slide on your features. “You get very cute when you’re drunk, you know that?” 

“Well, to quote someone, I guess the stick I have up my ass disappears.” 

“I can put it ba-”

You put your fingers on his lips. “You will not continue that disgusting phrase,” you warned. 

Jaehyun smiled wider and his lips rubbed on your skin. He kissed the spot then he kissed one of the fingertips. You inhaled, eyes trained on his gaze, unable to move away anymore as the room suddenly got sucked of any sound besides your own breath. 

He grabbed that hand and kissed your wrist, this time closing his eyes for a moment as if savouring it. You gulped. And when he locked eyes with you the shiver that went down your spine manifested in a little exhale. Jaehyun smiled again, a little curve on his plump lips you felt on the softness of your fingers. 

The kiss felt the same as the first one you exchanged in the elevator after he pulled you closer towards himself. But this time you took your sweet time, letting your palms feel his chest, the skin on his neck, the thick hair on his nape. He did the same, caressing your back with his knuckles, rubbing your thighs with his blunt nails, and grabbing your ass in your flimsy shorts. 

You whimpered in his mouth at the feeling and he hummed back, a low sound, almost a growl, your lips apart but tongues still swirling until you dove back in. 

“Can’t you be like this in the office too?” his murmur made your eyes open. He was licking his lips while his fingers intertwined with yours in a slow dance of pushing you back towards the couch. 

“You want me to get called by HR?” 

He flashed you a small chuckle. “That secretary is so scared of you by the way. He thought you poisoned the coffee.” 

The couch’s arm dug into your thighs and you sat on it, pulling Jaehyun closed by the waistband of his sweats. His eyelashes fluttered as you looked up at him, then again as you dragged your palm upwards underneath his shirt. 

“And you think I didn’t?” you tilted your head to the side. 

“I am still alive.” 

“Not for too long. I might suck the life out of you," you placed a single wet kiss on his hip bone making him hiss. “Take this off,” you tugged at the shirt. 

Jaehyun’s hum was low. “Shit. Ordering me around?”

You looked up. “Please take this off?” you changed your tone but you couldn’t hide the mockery. 

He exhaled amused and did it in a second, pulling it by the collar and throwing it on the ground. But you didn’t have time to do what you intended to because the torso you so desperately wanted to see disappeared from your sight - Jung Jaehyun Chief of the Architect Department fell on his knees, savouring the delicate skin of your inner thigh. 

You gasped at the sensation and the anticipation of what was actually going to happen made you suddenly dizzy. 

You wanted to grab his hair to support yourself, physically or morally, but his head jerked back and with the most angelic and devilish smile, he pushed you back on the couch. 

“You should be respectful,” you chuckled at the manhandling. "I'm a senior." 

Jaehyun grabbed your ankles with one hand as a reply while the other swiftly slid your garments off your body. “I will be respectful after I am done,” he murmured. “For now you will have to take the disrespect, I’m afraid.”

You tried to think of a witty phrase but your legs were being directed on his shoulders, his knees were on the carpet in front of you now and his voice came from between your thighs. Oh, and you were naked. 

Too much work for your brain. 

“Thought you were a gentleman.” You didn't like your shaky voice. You didn’t like any of this. Didn’t you make some kind of bet just moments before? You forgot anything you two said to each other already. 

“I am a gentleman who knows when to not be gentle.”

And you soon realized what that meant. 

You had no idea if other men's tongues have felt that velvety before or if you were just developing the fattest crush on Jeong Jaehyun the Architect as he was devouring you and making you biased. But fuck he knew how to eat pussy. And you made sure he knew that. 

Jaehyun hummed appreciatively at the praise, his deep eyes covered by his long eyelashes making you unable to look away. So you slid your hand in his luscious hair, pushing it away from his face and pulled a bit. His arms and back muscles flinched and he visibly enjoyed your breathy moans when he increased the pace of his tongue's movement. 

"Shit, Jaehyun-" you curled your toes against the smooth skin of his spine then gasped, feeling his long fingers rub your slick before swiftly sliding inside of you. It was wet and messy and loud and the moment he let go of your clit with a dirty plop to start kissing your stomach instead you knew that night wasn't going to end with just that. Should you stop him? Should you continue? Would you be okay tomorrow? 

"Where are you?" Jaehyun curled his fingers and you bit your lower lip. 

"I'm here," you replied against his wet lips, body rocking back and forth on the couch as he fingerfucked you, the veins popping on his bicep making you swallow dryly. 

"I need you to focus on me. What are you thinking about?" he leaned down to rub his nose against your ear before outlining it with his tongue. 

You shivered underneath him and your nails probably left some indents in his pristine skin. 

"About how much I want your cock inside of me," you exhaled. That was the truth. 

Jaehyun hummed deeply and his breath became more shallow. 

"And?" he kissed your neck slowly, so different from the pace of his wrist to make you dizzy. 

"And I'm thinking of the consequences," you curved your spine, raising the tone of your voice on the last syllables. "Fuck, Jeong, this is-"

"Yeah?" he came back to your mouth, letting you whimper your moans against his lips. "You want me to stop then? No orgasm, no consequences."

"If you stop-"

"Then what?" 

You shuddered, frantically palming his hard chest then going down to loosely grab his moving wrist. 

"Are you going to beg for it? I'm kinda curious to see you like that," he added. The roughness in his already deep voice sealed the deal and you couldn't do anything but let your head fall back and bite down a scream as you came around Jaehyun's fingers. It was too late. It was already too late the moment you pushed him against the damn elevator wall. 

He let you decide when he should stop moving his fingers and you felt yourself clench rhythmically around them as you desperately tried to calm down. His lips were on your throat and you realized that he was talking, murmuring something so sweetly that for a moment you wished for him to just hold you until you fell asleep. 

"Good girl," he placed a kiss on the tender skin, then on the corner of your lips as you opened your eyes to look at his gorgeous face. His cheeks and ears were dusty pink and it made your heart skip a beat. 

You pulled him down and kissed him again, slowly and deeply. Then he smiled, stopping your hand from reaching underneath his sweatpants. 

"Tonight is all about you," he whispered. 

You furrowed your eyebrows but the mind-blowing orgasm blew your mind so well that you had no reply. 

"Why?" Your voice was a quiet waver. 

"I don't want you to regret anything," he replied. "And I don't want you to think about the consequences." 

Somehow it made sense. Waking up tomorrow and realizing you let him fuck you with his tongue felt better than realizing he came down your throat. 

Were you really that proud? Maybe you did have a stick up your ass. 

"Don't argue with me," he gave you a crooked smile as he got up on his knees. 

"I'm not arguing with you."

"You have a specific look in your eyes when you're about to debate me." 

You crossed your arms on your chest mostly to cover up given the sudden disappearance of his body from on top of you. Then you sat up and closed your legs. 

"That's not true. You're making things up." 

Jaehyun collected his shirt with another smile and you stared at his long back and the way his sweatpants sat low on his hips. 

The fucking consequences. 

"I really need you though," you whispered. 

Jaehyun wore his top. "How do you want me?"

"Riding," you replied. 

He chuckled. "Of course you do. You can't possibly let an architect force you to your knees, can you?."

You curled your toes at his words. "No, sir." 

Yes, he fucking could. 

Jaehyun leaned down again to slide his hand on your jaw and almost kiss you. But he whispered instead. 

"I'll let you ride me if you keep calling me sir." 

────────────

You didn't notice when Jaehyun left your apartment that night. You thought that the way he took you to your bed bridal style and let you nuzzle into his chest would roam your brain the whole night and would prevent you from falling asleep yet you had the best night's sleep in months.

And you hated to admit it but waking up that morning you felt embarrassed out of your mind but you'd probably have crawled out of your skin if you actually fucked him until the end.

"Hope you got home well," you texted him. Maybe that was how adults did stuff. Maybe that’s what he wanted from you in the first place. Just fucking. Yet why was he so considerate? 

"Yes :)", he replied with his stupid smiley face a second after. Was he not busy? How did he even see your texts in the middle of the hundred he was getting? That made you almost kick your feet and you realized you were slowly descending into madness. 

"And I slept as well as you did after taking care of your gift," he added. 

You furrowed your eyebrows. "What gift?"

"My boner" 

You sighed so much that you thought you had turned into a horse. Then you had to pass one hand on your face as flashes of Jaehyun's hand fucking his cock while thinking of you entered your brain. 

"It was you who stopped me from taking care of it myself." He was driving you insane. Your coworker - an architect (!!!). 

"I wasn't blaming you :)" 

"You're a bit of a masochist"

"I'm everything when I'm with you" 

"Barf"

"Honestly I thought you wouldn't even want to talk to me today" 

"Well we both know that you have poor judgement" 

"Maybe I should have let you ride after all :)" 

"Okay byee I'm turning off my phone" 

"Or suck me well"

"I'm blocking this number" 

"Or let me blow your back" 

"Sending this to HR" 

"Andy, if you're reading this, the Chief Engineer let me fuck her with my tongue and she liked it"

────────────

Texting and fooling around was one thing, but seeing his polished figure while sober and in the middle of the workplace made you almost have a panic attack.

"Good morning," you trilled, hands already pushing the files on his desk. 

"Hey," he lifted his face and gave you a warm but professional smile. 

"See you around," you nodded once and turned towards the exit hoping not to hit the glass door with your face. 

He let you go.

Then you came back the day after. And again. And again. No further exchange. Give papers. Take papers. See his face. Lose your mind at night with your hand between your legs and his name on your lips.

Then your name, pronounced by those lips you’ve been staring at as he pretended to sleep the previous weekend, made you stop in place and close your eyes. You swallowed and got ready to turn around. 

He was already there, standing right behind you and you inhaled his cologne as you took a step back. 

His shirt was open enough for his collarbone to peek through and the way his half-exposed arms looked, crossed on his chest, made you almost angry. 

“Would you like to have lunch together?” he asked. 

You lifted your gaze to meet his eyes the looked around his figure. Jaehyun smiled, tilting his head to the side to get in the middle of your gaze. 

“Don’t look at them. Look at me,” he added. 

“It’s easy for rumours to start forming,” you murmured, imitating his pose. Your fingers grabbed your arms perhaps a bit too hard. 

“It’s just a normal lunch.” 

“I don’t do normal lunches. It would look weird.” 

“At least you’re self-aware.” 

You snorted and turned around. “The last floor is always empty,” you only said as you walked away. 

────────────

Jaehyun didn’t actually expect you to be there. Somehow he thought the way your voice would waver when he was around, or the way you melted under his touch back in your apartment, the noises that you made because of him, all because of him, was just some incredibly orchestrated big joke. You didn’t try to speak to him after that weekend and you didn’t linger around his desk anymore. Hell, you didn’t even text him. 

He had to do something or he would go insane. 

Yet you were in the last room of the upper floor, sitting down on the only couch inside of it, staring at your little plastic container with your lunch and waiting for him. 

You were adorable. 

He had to stop in place before entering to gather his shit. 

Then he knocked two times on the glass frosted door and your head snapped. Your eyes looked so pretty that he felt his fingertips tickle. 

“Hey,” he said.

“Hey,” you replied. 

Jaehyun closed the door behind him and he could sense the way your spine tensioned. He wanted to pass his palm on it, he wanted you to curve it as he’d grab your neck to pull you up against his chest as he’d pound into you from behind again and again until you’d break. 

“What have you got?” he walked slowly and sat down. The couch was sturdy enough. He made a mental note. 

You looked down at your container as if seeing it for the first time. “Cold pasta. What about you?” 

Jaehyun licked his lips. There you were, looking at him as if hoping for him to devour you. 

"Don't look at me like that."

You closed your mouth. “Like what?” you smirked.

He exhaled. 

"Should I close my eyes then?" you giggled. 

Jaehyun opened his lips to breathe and your gaze fell on them.

"Do you know what would keep my eyes closed?" you asked with a lower voice.

The man's eyes darkened and a whiff of air dilated his nostrils as he leaned in and knocked the air out of your lungs. The kiss was rough and its rhythm erratic. His palms were on your jaw and cupping your head. Yours were on his chest, grabbing at his shirt. You had no idea where your food containers disappeared because suddenly your hands were full of him and your legs straddling his body as he plopped you on his lap. 

You opened your eyes a little when you felt him pull away to let you breathe, the air flowing between your lips still brushing against each other. You looked at them, they were flushed and plump and you desperately needed to taste them again. His gaze was on your eyes and his deep voice surprised you.

"You opened them again." His voice was so deep that you felt it vibrating in your chest. 

You met his eyes.

"I guess you'll have to keep kissing me, then."

His palms on your waist felt wide and so warm that when he slid them on your ass to pull you closer you felt like mewling. Close so close it was so close and you were at work. You were kissing at work. You were sitting on his lap, on his sexy black dress pants, fingers sliding in the slit of his shirt, feeling his chest, his neck, his jaw, his hair. Fuck. 

“We need to slow down,” you exhaled, pulling yourself away from him.

“Why? You’re afraid you’re going to cum too quickly?”

His arms wrapped around you even tighter and his amused and warm mouth attached to your throat instead. You felt your eyes roll back in your head as he nibbled on your skin, peppering wet kisses all over it. And when he scooted his hips forward, his palms on your ass pulling you closer until your chest hit his face, you inhaled feeling his hard cock underneath you. Jaehyun looked up, drinking in your reaction. 

“Show me how much you want this. Show me that you don’t care about the damn consequences.”

Like a spell, your hips started to move on their own, rubbing yourself on him. You were desperate, humping him like a mad woman and his choked moan as he let his head fall back on the couch, extending his throat, was the final thing about his maddening presence to fully break your mind.

"Does it feel good, sir?" you didn't hide the mockery in your tone, feeling your control sliding back in your hands. 

But then Jaehyun shattered it again.

"Ride me."

His eyes were two dark cuts under his scrunched eyebrows and his command made your whole center boil. You stopped your movements and you shuddered on top of him. 

His chest was expanding and shrinking under your palms and when you pushed into it to be able to stand his Adam apple shifted in his throat as he swallowed. 

"Undress me."

Your order made his tongue poke his inner cheek and you smirked, mirroring his expression.

Jaehyun sat closer to the edge of the couch to reach your body and your skin shivered with goosebumps the moment his long fingers unbuttoned your pants. His gaze never shifted away from your face and it made you boil with need. 

The fabric hit the floor and you scooted it to the side, the pant legs so wide your heels just passing through, leaving you and your naked and elongated legs for Jaehyun to touch with his wide palms. They were warm as they slid up your thighs, your breath hitching as you looked at his open lips, his own breath stuck in his lungs and released only when he pulled you towards him. 

You bit your lower lip, feeling his mouth on your stomach, and then you let your head fall back as his fingers trailed your sides, lifting your top until reaching your breasts. You lifted your arms and Jaehyun stood for a moment to help the fabric away from your limbs and before you could kiss him, he sat down, with your between his knees, and unclipped your bra. You gulped, helping yourself stand by placing your hands on his wide and firm shoulders. 

“This is so inappropriate,” you whispered, muffling a whine as Jaehyun kneaded your soft breasts, looking at the skin fill the gaps between his fingers. 

“Yeah? Is being naked like this in front of me making your sweet pussy achy and wet?” Jaehyun’s deep voice made your stomach shiver as he spoke on your skin, trailing open wet kisses down your navel.

You were about to reply, your hazy brain still able to formulate some snarky comment, but when his hands cupped your ass, and one slid to your thigh to lift it on his shoulder, your hearing flatlined. You felt your underwear being pushed to the side and his luscious tongue making you gasp. 

“Jaehyun-” you felt your legs suddenly wobbly and his grip on your body tightened, his mouth licking and sucking at your clit making you grab his perfectly coiffed hair and pull. 

His groan travelled inside of you and his blunt nails dug into your soft skin before he let you go, sporting shining lips and heavy breath. 

He didn’t speak, and he only grinned as he sat back on the couch, his arrogant face making you quiver almost as much as his tongue inside of you. He patted his lap. 

You scoffed trying to hide a laugh but before you could roll your eyes at him, his hands were on your waist, making you sit flush against him. 

“If you dare to roll your eyes at me, I’ll give you a real reason to do that,” he murmured against your lips. 

You kissed him, deeply and messily, grabbing the short hairs at his nape with one hands, and cupping his balls with the other, making him hiss. 

“Oh yeah?” you whispered back, massaging him through the tight dress pants he was wearing. 

His adam apple bobbed in his throat but his eyes shone with mischief. He nodded, not for one second intimidated. It infuriated you. 

So you undid his button and slid his zip down, feeling the wetness of his precum adorning his expensive boxers. 

“And yet, look who made a mess,” you cooed, sliding your hand underneath the elastic band and making him close his eyes and extend his neck back. 

“God,” he groaned. 

He was long and thick, his skin velvety and soft, hot with need. You jerked him with your hand slowly, swallowing at the thought of having him inside of you, splitting you apart. 

Maybe you made a sound, or maybe he saw your expression as you opened his eyes but he smiled faintly. 

“Come on, end this torture. You want me as badly as I want you, chief engineer,” he said. And you would have had another ounce of brat in you if only he didn’t say the following things. Just one word, and it made you dizzy with desire.

“Please,” he murmured. 

Your hand shook as you felt his bigger one on top of yours, directing his pretty cock towards your aching core. You let it go and Jaehyun aligned himself, lifting his gaze with a heavy breath to see your lustful expression as you sat on it slowly. 

You both exhaled, his deep growl and your higher pitched breathy sound, until you reached the base, his girth making you see stars. 

“Good girl, take it all,” he breathed out, letting you adjust. 

“Fuck, Jaehyun-” you gulped, feeling your skin hot, as you lifted yourself once before sinking deep down again. 

He hissed, “I know, baby, I know.”

The petname worked as a spell, throwing you into a fast haze, riding his cock as deep as you could. Jaehyun wrapped one arm around your waist, while the other hand raised to shove his fingers inside your mouth. 

“I’d love for the whole company to hear how good my cock makes you feel, pretty girl, but we don’t want a call from HR, do we?” 

You gagged on them at first, then sucked, trying to turn down the noises you didn’t even realize you were making. 

And when your movements became sloppy and you felt on the verge of losing your mind, Jaehyun’s hips snapped, thrusting up inside of you and making you fist his pristine shirt. 

“That’s it, baby, take it like a good girl.” 

You let go of Jaehyun’s fingers to whine, but then you choked again as his wet hand warmly grabbed your throat instead, making you steady yourself on his wrist instead. 

“Fuck, just like that,” he pulled your body even closer to himself, squeezing your breasts against his expensive wristwatch. It would probably leave a bruise and for some reason the thought of being marked by Jaehyun made you quiver on his cock so hard that with a few deep thrusts you came undone, shaking in his arms and calling his name again and again and again. 

Jaehyun’s warm breath tickled your face and his muscles were pumped with tension as he forced his hips to still, feeling your clenching walls tighten around him rhythmically. 

“Baby, I need to cum or I’ll pop a fucking vein,” he chuckled breathlessly, the hand previously on your throat cupping your face instead. 

“Then cum inside of me,” you replied, ears still ringing from the raging orgasm. 

Jaehyun groaned and snapped, drilling into you so fast that you didn’t have enough force to fully oxygenize your lungs, his arms tightly around your soft body and his face buried in the crook of your neck. 

The sounds were dirty, the tall windows of the small office were getting foggy, and you wondered how long you’ve been fucking like rabbits over your lunch break when Jaehyun’s hips stilled, lifted ever so slightly from the couch, deep inside of you, and you felt on the verge of another orgasm seeing him dig his fingers into your flesh. 

“Fuck-” he exhaled, and you bit your lower lip, whimpering as you felt his spurts of cum coating your insides. Then his hips moved again, prolonging his high as much as he could, the vein on his forehead showing you just how much blood was pumping inside of him. 

You’ve never felt like that and you’ve never seen him lose control just as much as you did. 

“Jaehyun- I think I’ll-” you pressed your palms into his hard chest and he rested back on the couch, looking at your with dark eyes and plump lips. 

“Give me another one, beautiful,” he murmured, his cock sliding out of your and his fingers collecting the cum before shoving it back inside. 

“Shit-” you closed your eyes, losing yourself in the feeling of his fingers pumping in and out of you and your spine curved making you bite your lower lip until almost tasting blood when he added his other hand, rubbing your sensitive clit. 

“I can’t-” you mumbled, “I can’t- please-”

“Yes, baby, cum all over my hands,” he urged, his gaze never leaving your face as if bewitched. 

And you did. 

────────────

You were grateful for Jaehyun not abandoning you in the office’s bathroom alone to clean up the mess you asked for but the one he did. 

“You know I can technically use my cock to take the cum out,” he tried again outside the door. 

You rolled your eyes amused. “I said, no thanks, I got it.”

“The tip is anatomically made so that a man is able to take out the cum a previous man-” he started to ramble but his words were cut off when you opened the door. He blinked staring at you and you noticed his ears were a dusty pink. 

“Do you always share fizzy drinks bottle cups facts when embarrassed?” you finished adjusting your clothes. 

He cleared his voice. “Do you think there would be sex facts on the cups of fizzy drinks? Also, why would I be embarrassed?” 

You crossed your arms on your chest for a moment, taking him in. 

“Do you perhaps have a little crush on me, Jung Jaehyun?” 

He scoffed, putting his hands in his pockets. “No.” 

You expected him to say that but the sudden confidence threw you off. 

He leaned in. “It’s not a small crush. I thought it was obvious.” 

He then straightened his back and opened the office door. “Come on, chief, I think we might get a call from HR anyway because we had a 3 hour long lunch.” 

You shook your head, trying to conceal the little giggle your body apparently wanted to let out. 

“You have too much faith in your skills. We went at it for like 15 minutes at best.” 

Jaehyun stopped in place and turned around slowly. 

You stopped too. 

And when he grabbed you and threw you over his shoulder, giving your ass a good spank, the yell and laugh that escaped you was probably heard in the whole company. 

#jaehyun smut #nct 127 smut #nct smut #jaehyun imagines #jaehyun scenarios #nct imagines #nct scenarios #jaehyun fanfiction #nct fanfiction

[himechia]

“ ࣭⸰ ★ EYE OF AFFECTION . . . ⠀⠀ ⠀⠀ ⠀⠀ ⠀⠀NCT127 ; jeong jaehyun x fem reader (12.9k)

⊹ ⠀⠀ for as long as he can remember, jae's world has been in black and white - giving him no reason to appreciate his mother’s profession as an artist and the beauties that art can provide. however, an accidental meeting with you gives him reason to doubt his former beliefs - proving to him that there may be true beauty in a world that’s void of everything bright, that beauty being the sunshine that you provide. 

contains; colorblind!jae, painter!reader, jae's mom is reader’s art mentor, jae hates art, strangers to lovers, major crushing from both sides, slow burn but also not slow burn (like a nice simmering burn), swearing, fluff, kissing, reader acts like she’s on an adrenaline rush 24/7, jealousy, angst, explosive arguments, lowkey toxic, extremely inaccurate depictions of colorblindness!!, johnny is jae's bestie, happy ending! author's note; hi guys this fic is finally back in the nct tumblr world,, i have this posted on my main blog for blue lock under the name 'rationalism' if u see any name errors that's why,, enjoy!!

Whenever the sun meets its peak at the high dawning point in the sky is when Jaehyun knows it's a perfectly acceptable time to visit his oh-so-beloved mother. If he could, he would spend every waking moment with her - he’s a momma’s boy through and through - not only because she birthed him and taught him everything he knows, but because she’s kind and good. She’s also one of - scratch that - she’s the only person he can stand to be around for more than twenty four hours - and he takes great pride in having such a wonderful woman in his life.

However, despite how dearly he holds his mother to his heart, the issue with visiting her at this time of day is that she’s in her art studio. A place he loathes more than having to wear wet socks with sneakers. While it’s a beautiful space, with high wooden beams and floor to ceiling windows, he finds himself nauseous at the mere sight of the countless tubes of oil and acrylic paints. It’s not that the smell or colors are distasteful, it’s the fact that no matter how hard he squints and struggles, he cannot fathom what the simple color red looks like.

Complete black and white color blindness isn’t a life threatening condition in the slightest, but for Jaehyun, it feels as if he’s being stabbed through the sternum at any notion of the changing leaves or colorful streaks of light across the sun-setting sky.

He doesn’t hate his mother for being an artist, he simply hates the art itself.

And he especially hates pieces of art like the one sitting before him, now. With the blobs of squares and triangles against the supposedly white canvas, sitting perky on the easel as if to mock him - he decides to reach his hand out - and remind himself how emotionally detached acrylic paints make him feel. It’s wet, he observes, rubbing his thumb and pointer finger together to mix the possibly different hues. Jaehyun hopes he didn’t ruin the artist’s painting in any way, he wouldn’t know if he’d accidentally smeared shading or contrasting primaries - but surely the artist could fix it in a jiffy.

“Do you like it?”

Well, that certainly isn’t his mother’s voice.

“I tried using cooler tones in the corner here, and then migrated towards warmth in the lower portion.” You’re beside him now, standing shoulder-to-shoulder with his position, and completely ignoring his personal space - all while he’s never met you before this day. Your finger is extended, pointing towards the artistic decisions you’re elaborating on that, in all honesty, he doesn’t give two shits about. “I’m thinking about sketching some paper cranes on top of it all, I want it to represent the change of seasons.”

“What do you think?”

You’re staring at him now, bright eyes shining with curiosity. Jaehyun is at a loss for words, mostly due to your unannounced appearance in the studio, but also because you’re possibly the most beautiful woman he’s ever laid his eyes on - which is shocking, considering the sight of thick paint smudged against a person’s face typically sends him running the opposite direction. He’s never felt an immediate connection to the women of his past - however you, a strange girl who resembles a dog waiting for its treat, has his heart beating at twice the rate.

“I like this shape.” Jaehyun purses his lips into a straight line, never having felt so awkward in his whole life. “This square is nice, too.”

You look utterly unimpressed with his evaluation. Your nose is scrunched in distaste and the fold beneath your right eye seems to be twitching in disapproval for your own artwork. “That’s all that you like?” You step ever so slightly closer to him, chin tilted up to meet his gaze, before retreating quickly and coddling your painting. “Perhaps I overestimated my color palette. I really thought it would be the outstanding moment of this piece, but I guess I could rework it if the shapes are all that matter—”

“Did you touch my painting?”

Oh boy, he’s in for it now.

A nervous laugh leaves his mouth, embarrassing him further as he reaches up to scratch the back of his neck in an attempt to look casual, only for you to grab his wrist out of thin air. “Oh my god, you did!” Your mouth is agape, inspecting his tattered skin in shock - yet somehow he knows that you aren’t truly upset with him - you don't seem like that kind of person. “Did you not realize that you’ve got scarlet red all over your palms?”

Jaehyun’s mind is blank, his ability to form coherent sentences is gone, and he can only muster up the cheesiest, most terribly dreadful joke that he’s said in the twenty three years he’s been alive.

“I guess you caught me red handed?”

There’s a moment of silence, with the two of you displaying the most aloof expressions either of you have ever made, until your face lights up with laughter. He doesn’t understand what could possibly be so funny - his joke was awful - but the sound of your contagious fits of giggles make his heart feel a little bit warmer in a place that he commonly feels suffocated in. For the first time, the studio gives him a sense of comfort rather than distress - and he knows it's because he’s developing a very clear crush on the pretty girl beside him. 

You’re hysterical, resembling that of insanity while Jaehyun is simply stuck in time. He can’t tell if he should be steadying you before you trip over your own feet or if he should simply take his leave and forget this day ever happened. 

“I don’t mean to be rude,” he begins, watching you wipe a tear of laughter from the crinkle of your right eye, “but why are you here? Do you have an appointment, because I could’ve sworn there weren’t any other people that were allowed in the studio at this hour—”

“Oh, I do know you!” The volume of your voice just seems to get louder and louder. “You must be Miss Jeong’s son! She always mentions how lovely her little boy is, I can’t believe I’m finally meeting you! Though, I expected you to be like six or seven, not my age. She should’ve mentioned that you were handsome, not cute - she really chose every adjective other than the ones that wouldn’t make you sound like a primary schooler.”

Does she ever stop talking? Jaehyun doesn’t think he’s ever heard another person ramble on-and-on like you do. Normally he’d have ended the conversation by now, walked away without a second thought of whether he acted rude or not, but he knows that his mother would strangle him if he was to blatantly disregard her current favorite student. The student that she loves telling him stories about at the dinner table every Sunday night as he’s just trying to eat his fingerling potatoes in peace.

The same student who he’s somehow enjoying talking to - though it’s mostly just you talking to his blank face - and is causing a soft yellow blush to form on his cheeks. He doesn’t actually know if yellow is the color related to blushing, but he thinks he’s read it somewhere before. 

“Anyways, to answer your question—”

Jaehyun feels like he’d asked you hours ago.

“—I’d walked all the way to the train station and realized I’d forgotten my wallet here - which is strange because normally I never forget anything. I’m a very organized person—”

Yeah, he doesn’t believe that. 

“—and then I had to run all the way back here—”

Your shoes are scuffed. You definitely tripped on the way.

“—where I accidentally ran into a stroller…poor baby—”

Yep. Tripped.

“—which led me to you!”

You’re smiling now and Jaehyun doesn’t think he’s seen so many teeth shining at him in all of his life. God, do you ever run out of energy? No matter, he knows exactly where your missing item is. The anonymous wallet had been the first thing his eyes had grazed over when striding towards your artwork - good thing it’s only an arm’s reach away.

He snatches the wallet from the art easel and is pleasantly surprised by the quality of the possibly monochromatic leather. The clasp is simple, requiring just one twist before the contents of your identity are laid out before him. “Well, it’s nice to meet you,” Jaehyun recites the name written on your license and holds the items out to you, to which you reach out, eager to reunite with your belongings. However, at the last second he waves it in the air - away from your dying fingertips - and clicks his tongue two times. “Try not to lose it again. It’s a luxury brand, isn’t it? I like the black color.”

“Black?” Shit. The tilt of confusion your head makes indicates that your wallet is not, in fact, black. “I’m either stupid or color blind, but this is red.”

Before Jaehyun can respond, he’s saved by the bell. Well, technically his savior isn’t an actual bell, but you get the gist. “Miss Jeong!” Thank god she’s finally here to distract you. He’s been fighting to maintain his pride throughout your entire interaction. “I made an extra trip to the studio and ran into your son, here! You weren’t lying when you said he’s a little quiet - honestly, I feel like I’ve been talking to myself this whole time.”

You quite literally have been doing that very thing for the past ten minutes. 

“Oh, Jaehyun! Have you been acting rude?” His mother’s expression is tense, stricter than the time he ‘accidentally’ took her (grey?) Kia Soul on a joyride that one weekend he and Johnny decided to go on a midnight run to the department store. “Please don’t mind him at all, dear. You see, he doesn’t exactly get out much - his social skills might be a little underdeveloped.”

She can’t actually be saying this right now. This is exactly why he hasn’t had a girlfriend in months - his mother embarrasses him in front of every pretty girl they come across in the first two minutes of saying ‘hello’. It isn’t that Jaehyun is a terrible flirt - which he is, but he likes to deny it - it’s that he loves his mother so much that he can’t bear to tell her that her attempts at ‘hooking him up’ are always bound to fail. 

However, you don’t appear to be phased by her words. If anything, you’re actually pleased by the sound of him being socially impaired. 

“That’s actually perfect!”

What.

The.

Fuck?

“He can be my portrait model!” You’re still talking. Please, for the love of God, stop talking. “You know how I’ve been trying to become better skilled in the emotional aspect of my paintings, he could definitely help me out by showing anxiety and embarrassment - and you’ve been telling me it’s about time that I found myself a model.”

The endless trail of words that continue to string from your mouth seem to reach their end. Rather than speaking in spitfire, you’re now crazily staring at Jaehyun, himself. Both of your fists are clenched together in a pleading hold and he doesn’t think that you’ve blinked since the start of your conversational rampage - but despite the absurdity of your proclamation, he believes you have good intentions. There really is no reason to deny the request - after all, he’d be helping out his mother in the process, she does love having successful students - but he just can’t imagine himself spending any more time in the dreadfully grey studio than he already does. 

“I don’t think that would be a very good idea, ______.” His mother catches your words before he has a chance to give you his own oral letter of rejection. “Jaehyun’s never been one for art.”

“Oh.”

All you have to say is ‘oh’? 

“I wouldn’t want to make you uncomfortable,” you continue. The expression on your face is suddenly stern. Has he offended you in some way by saying no? “I’ll figure something else out, Miss Jeong. I apologize if I overstepped.”

You’re bowing your head before him now, and Jaehyun is shell shocked. His first impression of you was undoubtedly a dud, considering how you actually do seem to have a rational bone in your body despite the hyperactivity you displayed just moments before. While he’s mustering up a response, you lift your eyes - lashes fluttering like upwards brush strokes on a canvas - and send a small smile his way. It’s as if you’re silently apologizing to him for the undivided attention you tormented him with, but he doesn’t want you to apologize. 

He just doesn’t know how to say that he actually liked your personality. 

God, he’s so bad at flirting. 

“Thanks for finding my wallet, though.” Your fingers are suddenly touching his, momentarily grazing against his skin as you pluck your wallet from his hands. There’s no chance that you haven’t noticed the rising heat that’s currently warming the blossoms of his cheeks, and he hopes that you find it endearing. While he isn’t great with words, he likes to think that he may be at least a little bit cute. His mother always calls him a ‘cutie’ - which he appreciates, but it’s also so degrading for someone of his age. “Maybe I’ll be forgetful more often, now.”

He hopes you’ll start being more forgetful, too.

You’ve left your entire bag this time. 

He can’t tell if you’re trying to be subtle and coy with the budding feelings that’re growing between the two of you, and you’re just as awful at flirting as he is - or if you’ve just given up on leaving small signs of attraction. Honestly, in the past few weeks of you leaving paintbrushes and lanyards in the studio, he’d assumed it was all naturally an accident. This, though? How do you expect him to believe that you left your entire satchel in the studio? Sure, you can be a little dense, but not that dense. 

It’s obvious that you’ve begun to lose track of your belongings for the simple reason that you enjoy partaking in the awkward exchange of items when you ‘hastily’ return to the empty renovated greenhouse and get to act surprised to see him standing there with his arms full of things with your name written all over them. In fact, this instance has happened so often that Jaehyun is beginning to believe that he actually enjoys it, too. 

Sometimes he thinks that maybe you should just write your name on him to speed up this dreadful ‘will they, won’t they’ process that you’ve been pacing together. 

He likes you. He really really likes you, and you both know it.

You’d picked up on his feelings from the second time you met - when he willingly stayed behind in the studio for an extra two hours just to hear you ramble about the difference between heavy and soft body acrylic paints. There was something about the way you grinned at him. How your chin would angle upwards to his height in order to have a proper conversation. How you weren’t afraid to say anything and everything that was on your sporadic mind. How your eyes would sparkle at the dedicated eye contact he was making - letting you know that he was hanging on to every word that left your lips (which he just recently found out are pink - and boy does he wish to know what that undoubtedly lovely color looks like against your skin). 

He hates to compare you to a painting - which he still finds a positively dreadful blob of nothingness - but to him, you are one. You’re a captivating piece of art hanging on the walls of the nationally acclaimed museum in his mind. 

A captivating piece of art whose art of subtlety is extremely lacking, considering that your phone number is quite literally painted on the largest white canvas your easel can hold, in bold lettering that he would have to be visually blind to miss, plastered behind the hiding place of your bag.

‘P.S. It's written in red paint. I know you have a thing for red.”

As much as he likes you, you can be such a pain in his ass. The bane of his existence, if you will. 

It pains him to notice how he hadn’t thought twice about typing the digits into his text bar, smiling to himself at the sight of your make-shift contact with the horrid selfie you’d taken on his phone to be your future contact picture. Your hair is an utter mess, with flecks of paint scattered across your hairline - which, to be honest, look like dandruff to him with their lack of vivid color, but he told you that they resemble snowflakes. He lied - but what you don’t know doesn’t hurt you. 

Without hesitating, he types a singular ‘hey’ before backtracking. What if you don’t know that it’s him texting you? What if you think that it’s a random stranger who just so happened to be in the art studio and thought to add your contact information to their phone? He better be more clear. 

‘Hello, ______. You know me.’

Perfect. 

In less than a split second, you respond. He can feel his nerves itching at the sight of the grey text bubble popping in and out of view. Jaehyun can’t even remember the last time his heart beat so fast. Perhaps when he was standing in front of his secondary school health classroom and he accidentally mistook a photo of the urinary system with the ovaries during a speech about the female menstrual cycle? The stream of liquid projected against the white board was in fact not what he thought it was (how was he supposed to see the difference between red and yellow?), which turned into a horribly disgusting presentation that Johnny still bothers him about to this day. That was dreadful - but this is definitely equally as dreadful, if not more.

‘Stalker much?’ Huh? ‘Hi though, Jae. That text was very…you.’

‘You added my number pretty quickly.’ Man, you text really fast. ‘You just couldn’t resist me, could you?’

He doesn’t know what to say back. It’s as if his mind has been scraped raw of all romantic material that one would usually use in this situation - the situation in which an unbelievably pretty girl is talking to him through a phone screen. Jaehyun is completely frozen in place, time, and thought. The only part of him that isn’t paralyzed is the hole in his chest that is beginning to be thawed by you. His frozen heart of past relationships has found its fire - and oh does it burn for you. 

“Cat got your tongue?”

Where the fuck did you come from?

Swiveling on his heel, he turns to face your approaching figure. Your footsteps are lighter than air, likely being the reason as to how you managed to stealthily sneak in so quietly while he had been distracted with his phone. The light denim jeans that cover you from waist to ankles are perhaps his favorite pair you own. You’ve painted on them over time, sketching out a garden of patterns that don’t require color to appreciate. Your artistic ability is uncanny - he can’t deny the fact that you’re incredibly skilled - and he believes that you should be given an award for making ‘art’s number one hater’ a growing fan. 

“You left your bag.” No shit, Captain Obvious. “Do you want it back?”

He’s so bad at this. 

You skip towards him, your left foot following your right in a rhythm of peppiness, and lean up towards him with a shine in your eyes. God, you look so pretty. Sure, seeing you from a comfortable distance with an easel separating your bodies was nice and all, but when you pull stunts like this - with no room for him to scurry off and run - he actually takes the time to digest your features in their true beauty. You’re the artist, yet he seems to be the one who’s always studying you.

“Do you have any plans for today?” You ask in a curious tone. Your hands are held together behind your back as you send him a beaming grin with an upturned lip. “—because I was thinking about grabbing some tea, and it would be so unfortunate if I had to go all alone and sit by myself with all of those strangers around me. Who knows what could happen? If only there were someone who could protect me in case a sleazy guy asks for my number…”

Are you trying to manipulate him, right now?

“I’ve got nothing to do today.”

—because he’ll gladly let you do so. 

The peaks of your eyebrows raise in surprise, not expecting him to accept the offer so quickly. Over the short time you’ve known one another, you’ve noticed that Jaehyun’s reluctance to spend one-on-one time with you has dwindled. He’s slowly becoming more comfortable in your presence and whatever inner turmoil that he’s facing is fading into the tide of your raging tsunami. There’s a peaceful gaze behind his brown eyes, now. One that you love to study whenever he isn’t looking your way (which isn’t often). 

“Then it’s a date!” Surging forwards, you take his arm in yours and link yourselves together. He’s initially shocked by the immediate physical connection you’ve managed to make within mere seconds, but he thinks that he likes it. It’s been so long since he’s even held hands with a girl, so he’s understandably tense, but you’re giving him time to adjust. After all, scaring him away would be your last intention. “I’ll even pay for your drink, since you were kind enough to find my lost satchel.”

“Yeah, your lost satchel was so hard to find.”

“I have no idea what you’re talking about.”

He smiles to himself.

Yes, you do.

He isn’t sure how, but he’s somehow burned his tongue again. 

“Shit!” Jaehyun hurriedly places his mug down onto the circular wooden table that separates the two of you, while attempting to be gentle since he doesn’t want to waste the perfectly tasty coffee that you paid for. He groans, dabbing the corners of his lips with one of the complimentary paper napkins. “Why does it get me every time?” 

This is perhaps the third week in a row that you and him have ditched the studio and decided to claim the neighboring cafe as your designated date spot - though you’re still an unofficially exclusive couple. Unofficial as in Jaehyun hasn’t found the nerves to ask you to be his girlfriend, and exclusive as in neither of you are nor want to see other people. It’s a confusing situation for both parties to be in, but he just can’t seem to take that next step with you no matter how hard he tries to push himself towards the ideal solution. 

Jaehyun is a rationalist. He takes in the information given to him through interactions and associations, working through it with logistics on his mind, and tries to find the best outcome. It’s how he’s lived every hour and every day of his adulthood, and he’s fairly set in stone with his mannerisms at this point. He always known who he is, what he wants, and how to obtain those things. What he didn’t know, though, was that an unpredictable variable (you) would crash into his life and disarray the routine that he’d been building for twenty-three years. 

The hypothesis born of the situation isn’t a difficult one to solve, after all he’s had it written down for a month: if Jaehyun finds the courage to ask you to be his girlfriend, then you’ll likely say yes and the two of you will live happily ever after. Easy, right?

Wrong. He’s a chicken.

“Here. This might help you cool down.”

Your arm is extended, offering him your drink of the day without hesitation. Every time you come here, arm-in-arm, you order something different. ‘There’s no fun without surprise’, is what you tell him after the consistent strange glances he sends your way when you’re ordering, and he can’t help but disagree. You’re very different individuals - and that difference is extremely apparent with the light, mint garnished tea in your glass compared to the dark roast coffee in his. 

“Thanks, ______, you’re a lifesaver.” He sighs in relief as the cool liquid flows down his throat in an internal waterfall. “Holy shit, this is actually so good.”

You laugh, “I would hope so. I only got it because of the photo on the menu. It’s like a rainbow of color.”

And there it is. The thing that isolates him the most from your world. 

As much as he likes you, which is more than he can explain, he can’t help but have that itching thought at the back of his mind that you’ll never truly be able to connect with one another. You bask in the beauty of the world around you. From the apparent golden sun showers and bouquets of stark red roses - two things that you’ve described to him in great detail amidst your walks through the farmer’s market on Saturday mornings -  to the countless brush strokes against the white canvas at his mother’s studio, you adore a world in color. 

It’s a viewpoint that’s shaped who you are, from infantry to your current age of twenty-two, and it’s something that you’ll never be able to let go of. 

To be quite frank, it scares him. It keeps him up at night knowing that seeing the world through your eyes is impossible. That it’s a far off dream that is unobtainable, taunting him in his mind and heart like a bone dangling in front of a dog’s face. He wishes that he could admire the blue streaked skies and emerald green ferns that line the streets of the city. He yearns to feel overcome with pride at the sight of your watercolor drafts - which you attempt to show him after every class session to no avail - and congratulate you on the progress you’re making. There are so many things that he dreams of doing with you, dreams that exist solely in your world, as they’ll never be possible in his. 

He hasn’t officially asked you to be his yet, because how could he?

How could he bind you to him? You’d be miserable looking through his eyes - having to see only hues of black, white, and grey, similar to the pencil sketches that you’ve openly shown your hatred for in front of him. ‘There’s just nothing there,’ is what you mumble to yourself. ‘No life, no anything without color.’ To which you then drop a single ounce of paint against the seemingly dreadful piece of art - and the sparkle in your eyes as it comes to life is something that he loves to see but can’t understand… 

…as you see the world in a way that he can never understand. 

Jaehyun doesn’t think he’ll ever be able to tell you about his condition. It would end everything all at once, and he isn’t sure how he would recover from that kind of heartbreak. You’re so blissfully unaware of how much conflict runs through his veins on a daily basis. Hell, you don’t even notice how he orders a singular black coffee every time you approach the counter together. You don’t see how he struggles to agree with you as you admire the assortment of blended beverages with a forced smile on his face. You don’t understand why he chooses to indulge in such a bitter drink and make sure to comment on it every single time.

He can’t blame you, though - it really is disgusting - but he also can’t tell you that he orders his coffee black since it’s a universal drink that appears the same to everyone who sees it. At least when he’s holding the steaming mug between his large palms, he knows that it appears to you as it does to him. That the divide that’s ripping a ravine through your connected hands is lessened in a sense - and you’re truly viewing one thing as the same. 

Which is why he sits pretty and appreciates the short time that you do spend together, and suffers through piping hot coffee three times a week with no interruptions. 

“I think I’ve made some progress on my portfolio.”

Your drink has been returned to your hands now. The small, clear glass is ringing as you tap the sides with your fingernails. It’s somewhat soothing, the rhythm following the tune of one of your favorite songs that Jaehyun happens to know very well after walking in on you in the middle of ‘art therapy’, in which you blast the music at full volume and deafen all other sounds. You have a tendency to be impatient - art being the only thing that can really pin you down for a long period of time - yet you’ve made room in your heart for Jaehyun despite this. 

“Really?” Jaehyun dabs his mouth carefully, being ever the proper suitor in your presence. “My mom hasn’t given you any recent critiques?” 

“No, she has.” As your words continue, you take a long sip of your tea. He can feel his cheeks flush while you swallow. He loves anything you do. “Just little comments about negative space and color theory, but I’m getting there.”

“Nice.”

He doesn’t know how to respond to that.

“Yeah, nice.” 

Despite his seemingly rude reaction, you’re still gazing at him with a smile on your face. It isn’t an exceedingly joyful smile or one of excitement, but something of contentedness. You’ve become comfortable around him - shedded the hyperactive layers of skin that you display to onlooking strangers - and have begun to share the side of yourself that only your bedroom walls know. Seeing this side of you has made him fall even harder. Knowing that someone so confident, so bold, is just like him - caring so much about first impressions and likeability - and has their own insecurities is validating. Validating in the sense that you find him special enough to throw away the filter and be your true self in his presence. 

“You know,” you begin in a wistful tone, “you aren’t a man of many words, Jae - and if I’m being totally honest, my patience is running out.” 

He hopes this isn’t going where he thinks it is.

He’s not letting you ask him out before he can—

“What am I to you?”

Oh.

Your eyes are giving him an expectant look, now. 

What the hell is he supposed to say to that?

This is the quietest you’ve ever been, you aren’t even swirling the star-shaped ice cubes in your strawberry lemon tea. 

Why can’t he think of anything to say?

His silence is causing you to furrow your eyebrows in concern. 

This is so embarrassing. Just say something. Anything. 

“You’re my mom’s student.”

Anything but that.

“I’m…” the words at the tip of your tongue seem to dissolve like damp sugar cubes, “I’m your mom’s student.”

Your sentence is more of a statement than a question. It’s as if there’s a machine in your brain, working through his given answer and comparing all of the other possibilities he could’ve said. There were endless responses to your inquiry, and he somehow managed to pick the worst one. 

He needs to fix this. How can he fix this?

“You’re not just a student, though.” His words are tumbling over one another in somersaults and you seem to perk up at his continuity. The hope in your heart grows a little bit larger, pulsating and yearning for him to say exactly what you’d been wanting for weeks-on-weeks. “You’re my mom’s special student.” 

Oh God, he made it worse.

“What?” Jaehyun tries to reach for your hand in an attempt to compensate for his actions through physical touch, but you retaliate and instinctively jerk away. You quickly stand, drink in hand, and back away from him as he follows like a lost puppy. Your head is shaking from right to left, disbelief exerting from the pores of your skin like poison - sentencing him with death while it seeps through his gaping mouth and empty palms. “I’m a special student?” 

How the hell are you so fast?

Within seconds the two of you are at odds outside of the building. The weather is somewhat chilly - springtime having just come around with the cherry blossoms in full bloom - and it’s probably a beautiful day with the petals raining down on the pavement. You’d usually make a comment about how wonderful the horticulture was outside of the shop, but now you’re stomping over every fallen flower and budding stem that lies in the way of your rage-filled path. He’d always thought of you as a gentle soul, but apparently even gentle souls have their breaking points - and he never dreamed that he’d be yours.

“If I’m so special, what makes me different from the girl before me and the one before her?” This is the first time you’ve ever raised your voice at him. “Did you take all of them out for drinks? Did they all get to spend one-on-one time with their mentor’s ‘handsome’ son? Did you lead all of them on, too? Jaehyun, what kind of answer is that?”

You’ve found yourselves in an alcove now - about a block from the cafe in a small garden nestled between two buildings. The blossoming trees continue to surround you from all sides, perfectly framing the tragic picture of him saying anything and everything you absolutely do not want to hear. A large sigh leaves your lips, heaving from your chest as if he’s popped a balloon and is pushing all of the air out with the strength of his smooth hands. 

“That’s not what I meant!” He pauses as you halt in place, slowly turning to face him like you're something out of a horror movie - a monster who’s ready to murder their prey. A gulp runs down his Adam’s apple. You’re terrifying when upset. “Please, just let me explain!”

“Explain what?” Jaehyun flinches at your volume. “If you want to explain yourself so badly then tell me why the hell would you say something like that?”

“Sure, you aren’t the best with banter or having a crush - but dear God, you cannot possibly be that dense.” This is getting bad. “I’ve left hundreds of hints! Every single goddamn day - and you’ve picked up on all of them! You know, I thought that when you’d hold my hand or kiss my cheek that you actually meant something by it. I figured ‘he spends so much time with me, he can’t possibly not like me’, but no. I’m just a student.”

Your face is fuming with every dreadful word that comes out of your mouth. “Oh, sorry. I’m a special student.”

If this were a scene in an animated film, your hair would be on fire now. Flames as high as mountain tops would be spiking in sharp peaks at every end of sentence and statement spitting from your mouth. Your normally warm irises would be drawn as ice cold, not leaving any room for life as they skate across his timid features - wishing for him to reach freezing level so you could smash him into a million pieces. 

You’d always told him that red and blue - fire and ice - were two things that you admired most. With their ever changing states of matter and forceful power amidst the seasons, he found himself believing as you do. Jaehyun actually learned to appreciate their vast palette as if he could see it with his own eyes - but now? Now he thinks that they’re the two worst things in the universe - as their destructive nature has decided that their target is him, and he has absolutely no defenses prepared. 

“I should’ve caught on sooner, shouldn’t I have?” You’re still going, hot tears building up and threatening to stream down your cheeks. Never in his life has Jaehyun been at the receiving end of such anger - and never in his life has he learned how to manage a situation as such. So, he does what any clueless man would do - he returns the anger. 

“You’re not even listening to me!” His hands are violently moving while his words cut like knives. “You never listen to me!”

“I never listen to you?” He’s apparently hit another nerve. “Is that some kind of sick joke? Jae, all I do is listen to you! It may not look like it, but I see the way you tense whenever I talk about my passions and dreams. I notice the way your face drains when I’m asking you for your opinion on my works in progress. Sometimes it’s like I can physically hear your eyes rolling when they see me walk into the studio with my bag of brushes and materials. Yet, you think that I don’t listen? I take note of every single thing that you do when you’re around me, because I don’t want to miss out on a single moment with you, and you don’t even care!”

He can’t believe that you’re pinning this on him.

“How could you even say that?” Jaehyun can’t tell who’s in the right or wrong anymore - all he knows is that if he doesn’t stop speaking, you’ll walk away forever. “I’ve never cared about anyone as much as you! I’ve done my best to entertain your interests and the absurd things you ask of me—”

“Well, your best hasn’t been enough.”

You’ve got to be fucking kidding.

“Are you being serious, right now?” 

Your eyes are stoney, rock solid with stubbornness as you refuse to accept his side of the story and he knows that you won’t be budging from the beliefs that you’re choosing to hold against him. Jaehyun doesn’t know how everything went so wrong so fast, but he does know that he doesn’t have what it takes to save the situationship that he mistakenly put the two of you in. 

“What the fuck did I do wrong that you resent me this much? Not even an hour ago all you wanted was to see me get down on one knee and profess my ‘undying’ love for you.” He’s so angry. He doesn’t think he’s ever been this angry. “Now I’m some asshole who doesn’t give a shit about your wellbeing? If everything I’ve done hasn’t been enough, then I might as well go fuck myself, right? I’m sorry I’m not perfect like you! I’m sorry I can’t see the world through crystal lenses like you! I’m sorry that I’m not good enough for you!”

His face feels wet. When did he start to cry? Was it ten minutes ago? Five? Just now? The hurricane of emotions that he’s putting himself through is more than he’s endured in years - his mental blockage of his condition finally coming to light as his heart runs off of the rails - and you’ve definitely seemed to notice considering the concern etched into your expression. 

“I was never going to be perfect for you,” he begins with a softer tone. Perhaps his hot bundle of rage has subsided for a few moments. “I can’t be with you. I can’t understand how you see the world. I couldn’t spend the rest of my life listening to you ask me all of these questions and opinions on your work when I can’t even see it fully.”

You’re so close to him. Somewhere in the flurry of words, you took a step in his direction. “Jae, what’re you talking about?”

As he bites his bottom lip with the fear of judgment raging in his mind, his secret is set free. 

“I’ve always liked this shirt on you,” he solemnly smiles, “This shade’s my favorite color that you wear.”

You look up at him, pulling at the fabric against your chest in confusion. “Red?”

“Grey.”

He’s laughing lightly, making up for the thoughtful silence that you’ve found yourself in. It’s like he can physically see the gears turning in your head as they attempt to make sense out of his statement. “It’s more of a rich grey - almost black - and it compliments your skin tone. You know, my mom used to tell me that the way to a woman’s heart is through compliments. I’ve always tried my best to do that, but it clearly hasn’t been working.”

His hands somehow find yours as he shares the inevitable truth he’d been hiding so hard - and with a deep gulp, his secret is finally exposed.

“After all, how could I ever reach someone’s heart without even knowing what color their eyes are?”

He misses you. He can’t help it, but he does. 

The memories he has with you are a cassette tape on autoplay - constantly running through his mind on repeat, and always ending with the awful confrontation that you’d left each other with. Jaehyun wishes he hadn’t raised his voice. He wishes that he would’ve been honest with you from the very beginning, but he hadn’t, and there’s no changing the past. All he has now are two empty hands that would much rather be interlaced with your paint-covered fingers. 

“How much longer do you think you’re going to be moping?” Johnny’s call is distant from the turning gears within Jaehyun’s brain. He’s sure that his best friend has grown tired of his constant state of melancholy - having been forced to be his support system after you walked out the door - and Jaehyun feels awful about it. If he could, he’d rip his heart from his chest and allow you to step on it. To stomp and tear through the organs just as you’d done to those poor bystanding cherry blossoms on the sidewalk. 

“As long as she’s still upset with me.” He groans as his forehead hits the marble of the island counter. “I’m such an idiot.”

“Yeah, well we already knew that.” The dim-eyed boy beside him scoffs while taking yet another drink of his apple juice - which he has unfortunately had to drink for the past hour and a half since Jaehyun had somehow consumed his small supply of alcohol within the past few weeks that the two of you hadn’t been speaking. “I was really rooting for you, man. I thought she was the one to break your cycle.”

“Cycle?”

What the hell does he mean by ‘cycle’?

“Oh, you know,” Johnny continues without even taking a breath, “The cycle of life you’ve got going on with your inability to actually attract girls.”

Jaehyun hates him.

“You’re an asshole.” He grumbles, taking his own swig of the pint of orange juice he found in the back of his fridge. Is it expired? Likely yes. Does Jaehyun care, at all? Definitely not. Is he even more pissed off that he doesn’t understand the irony of why it’s called orange juice? He doesn’t want to answer that question. “An unhelpful asshole who should definitely stay over and cook dinner for me since he wants to make up for being said ‘unhelpful asshole’.”

Johnny scoffs, shaking his head whilst the thin, soft strands of his hair flit back and forth. His right eyebrow raises in a mocking expression, “You need to get yourself back out there, man. You’ll be old and grey if you keep waiting for the perfect girl to come knocking on your door, so just talk to her. Just fucking talk to her and put me out of my misery.”

“Are you trying to make this about you, right now?” Jaehyun stares at his best friend in utter disbelief, but he’s not truly upset. He knows that Johnny holds good wishes for him in all manners of life - this being no exception - and takes his words to heart. He’s right. Of course, he’s going to lose you if he doesn’t even try to get you back. “The sun must be falling out of the sky because I’m actually considering following your advice.”

“That’s a pretty picture to imagine,” his best friend chuckles, causing Jaehyun to roll his eyes. What’s the sensation that everyone has with mentioning imagery every five seconds? “Just talk to her, man.” Johnny continues, “Please, I’m all out of advice.”

Jaehyun takes his best friend’s pleas to heart. It is quite ridiculous that he’s spending his time depressed and lonesome when he could be reconciling with you. Perhaps it’s his fragile masculinity acting out and refusing to take blame for the situation, although he’s fully aware it’s completely his fault that you’re upset with him. 

It’s difficult for the gears to begin turning in Jaehyun’s head. They’re covered in brittle rust that’s been creeping deep into the crevices of his mind for his entire life - slithering down his spine towards his blackened heart that you had only just begun to breathe life into. He misses the feeling of spring that came when you called. The freshwater rain of your laughter and budding blossoms of your smile that washed away his loneliness and replaced the awful emotion with an overgrown garden of bliss. He still doesn’t understand how he managed to mow that garden down with one sentence. He might as well have taken a chainsaw and brutally hacked into every connection that he’d managed to make with you in your time of knowing each other. 

Now he’s going to be on his knees begging for forgiveness with his hands stained by the minced grass. Does grass stain green or yellow? Hopefully not brown, dear lord. He’ll be buried deep into apologies that should definitely be rehearsed, but he knows he’s not an artist with words and he won’t bother to waste your time with crumpled-up ‘I’m sorry’ notes and improvised tears. 

You deserve nothing but the best - so much more than he’s been giving you and he needs you to hear those words come straight from his mouth. 

When did you begin to mean so much to him? Jaehyun doesn’t even know. 

It could’ve been when you showed up to his concert unannounced, with first row seats and a booming cheer that he never knew he desired. ‘C’mon, Jae! I know you can do better than that! Sing louder!’ He nearly tripped at the sound of your voice, and falling on his face was the last thing he wanted to do in front of his group - but to be completely honest, he doesn’t remember much of insecurities on stage that day. Jaehyun was solely focused on performing well for you. The world stopped and he was given all the time needed to impress you. You give him a reason to be better, a selfless reason to do good. 

Perhaps it was when you’d shown him around your homey apartment, with maple art easels and splattered canvases lining the walls, and watched with glee as he made his best attempt at a finger painting (which may or may not have ended up looking like two worms kissing). ‘It’s abstract’, you’d say every time he found something new that was wrong with the art piece, ‘All it needs is a home. See?’ You hung his shitty little sketchbook paper on your living room wall, right next to your TV for the whole world to see. The way you stood there staring in awe still rattles his brain. You’ve always been able to find beauty in even the smallest things. 

Or maybe his heart had begun to beat a little faster that Saturday night on the way out of the theater. The romance of the film the two of you just witnessed was still on Jaehyun’s mind, provoking his alcohol-induced body to make a pathetic attempt at holding your hand - which resulted in him accidentally knocking you over into a street puddle that swallowed the heel of your shoe. ‘I needed to take a shower anyway, Jae, it’s fine!’ Your smile continued to be bright despite the low temperature and sprinkling rain, and he can recall wondering how you managed to stay so positive in such a dreary situation. As you discarded your soggy heels into a nearby trashcan and skipped barefoot on the pavement, you called, ‘Come on! Dance with me!’ The shared laughter between the two of you echoed through the seemingly empty streets that surrounded you - hands connected as you swung in circles around each other and fell over one too many times, until he carried your sleeping body home. He doesn’t think anyone’s ever been able to make him laugh as hard. 

The way the corners of your eyes crinkle amidst fits of giggles is his favorite image to replay. He doesn’t need to know the color to be able to see how beautiful they are - to appreciate the blinding sparkle that overwhelms your irises when he accidentally trips over the uneven sidewalk or knocks over your painting station - or even when he unintentionally makes a sexual innuendo that you just so happen to pick up on. ‘That’s a love hotel, Jae! Why would I have stayed there before?’ It was almost as if you were conducting a symphony of glorious laughter that night. The violins played the tune of your voice in a higher octave and the cellos added a punch everytime you’d bite your lip in an attempt to calm down. He hadn’t known what a love hotel was intended for before that night, but he’d also made the mistake to say, ‘I wouldn’t mind going to my first one with you, it could be a first for both of us.’ and you still haven’t let him live it down. Jaehyun’s honest with himself for the most part. He’s awkward, insufferable, and a bore to be around - yet, for some odd and unknown reason, those are your favorite things about him. Why?

Why is it that he can’t function like a normal person when your eyes meet his?

Why do his words rearrange themselves and become complete gibberish when he attempts to woo you with his charm?

What is it that keeps him coming back to you, despite holding such deep hatred for the things that you love most?

“I need to text her.” Jaehyun feels his chest vibrate as he finally makes a decision, the words pouring from his mouth in a short word vomit - forcing Johnny to piece together the jumbled mess and attempt to comprehend whatever it was that his best friend was trying to say, to which he jumps up from his seat at the island and aggressively pats Jaehyun on the back. 

“That’s what I’ve been saying, dumbass! Get those fingers movin’!” 

His phone falls into his hands in a millisecond, with Johnny eagerly awaiting to hear his poetry. He’s grateful to have such a supportive friend. Jaehyun knows that there aren’t many people who would be willing to put up with him for so long - having been moping around and complaining day-and-night of relationship problems that were solely caused by him - and he can’t imagine not having his support. Hopefully he’ll be able to introduce you, one day. You’ll both give him so much shit for his attitude. Oh well. It’ll all be worth it having two people he loves get along. 

…

Did he just…

What did—

There’s no way.

Did he really just use that word? That godforsaken word?

He’s trembling. Jaehyun’s phone is shaking in his hands as he finally comes to the realization that he does, with his entire heart and being, love you. In an instant, his entire world scrambles together with rapid dashes and line art that he can’t even comprehend. There’s no rules to follow with these types of feelings - this insistent need to see you. Hold you. Kiss you.

Fuck, he wants to kiss you. He can’t think of anything else he’d rather be doing. 

Like tapping raindrops that never cease their fall, his fingertips move against the keypad in a rhythmic motion - singing a song of love that can’t be contained into a simple lullaby. His heart pours out into the message, apology after apology being pasted in paragraphs, and hopes with his whole soul that you’ll find it in yourself to at least see him in person. There’s no way you won’t. Jaehyun knows you well enough now that he’s certain he’ll be seeing you again. All he needed to do was take the first step towards forgiveness, and he’s finally willing to be vulnerable and own up to his inability to be honest about his feelings, because he loves you. He loves you and he wants to tell you a hundred times, a thousand times, and a million times until you beg him to shut the hell up and kiss you. 

‘I’ll be at the studio tonight. I miss you, ______, and I’m sorry.’

He ends the message with a final apology, begging fate that you’ll read it in time to meet him while he still has courage - and with that, he’s on his way to the place he hates most, awaiting the person whom he loves most.

An hour has passed - well technically it’s been fifty-seven minutes, but who’s counting?

He’s counting.

The sun went into hiding ages ago and the moon now stalks him as he sits in his chair, lonely with two vacant eyes that wish they were gazing at yours. Jaehyun can’t even tell if you’ve read the text or not - the grey speech bubbles look the same as they always have, and the delivered sign is posted at the bottom with no response. He wants to send a follow-up message, just a little ‘hey, you there?’ but he knows that’s a little bit much. If you want to see him, you’ll see him and he’ll confess his feelings once-and-for-all - though, he’s feeling much less confident than he was an hour ago. Ahem, sorry. Fifty-nine minutes ago. 

Jaehyun has a plan of what he’s going to say to you, and hopefully it makes sense when the words begin to fall from his lips. He’s said it many times before, but he’ll say it again, he’s never been good with words or feelings or anything of the sort. He wants to get better, though - to become more emotionally aware for your sake, because he knows that’s a priority for you. You have an image of your dream guy that’s been in your wishes since primary school - tall, handsome, daring, dashing, yada, yada, yada - and he’s trying to be that guy. He needs to be that guy. He’ll be anything for you. 

Anything and everything…even the desperate guy who can’t get a text back. 

Y’know, for a moment - a brief and fleeting moment - the world seemed a little more beautiful in his self-realization of love. The stars glistened brighter and the street lights sparkled in their reflections. Before tonight, Jaehyun hasn’t ever been able to appreciate the natural beauty of what surrounded him. He never understood your fascination with replicating real life into paintings and sketches, but he seems to have digested the concept - at least a little bit. The only thing that could undoubtedly make his world more dazzling would be the sight of you, and holy shit there you are. There you are opening the front door - and your gorgeous, perfect reflection in the glass is looking straight at him. 

He doesn’t need the ability to see color to know that you’re the most fascinating and jaw-dropping sight in the entire universe - and that the rainbow should be rearranged in the letters of your name in honor of your ability to captivate attention and inflict a multitude of emotions on him that he’s never felt before. 

“Jaehyun?” Your melodious voice is the remedy that his ears have been yearning for. “Jaehyun, is that you? Why’re you in the dark?” 

This means you haven’t read his text, right? Otherwise, why would you be confused as to why he’s here? Wait, why’re you even here?

You begin to explain yourself without him needing to ask, “I left my phone in here earlier like an idiot and I’ve been looking for it all day. Isn’t that so dumb?” You let out a little laugh, amused at your inability to keep track of your personal belongings. Why aren’t you acting like you’re upset with him? The last time you talked, you could barely look him in the eye - yet now, you’re so casual, almost as if nothing happened. “Here I am looking for my lost phone, but instead I find a lost Jeong Jaehyun.”

“What are you doing here? Sitting in the dark?”

The repeated question is met with a pregnant silence as Jaehyun fails to piece together the rehearsed words he had come up with earlier, settling on a bear hug that nearly suffocates you. 

He’s so overwhelmed by the feeling of touching you again that he barely notices how stiff your posture is. You’re practically a piece of rock in the midst of being carved by its maker, frozen and unable to formulate an action in response - which, in this case, means that he’s your artist. Jaehyun relaxes his hold, urging you to reciprocate his warmth by nestling his face in your neck. Your right arm finds its place wrapped around his waist and your left around his neck, allowing him to engulf you further into his hold. You smell so nice. He notices the lavender perfume that he bought you is still rubbed into your skin, and he’s glad that you’re finally using it. 

“I’m so sorry,” he whispers.

Jaehyun’s fingers run through your hair in smooth waves, gently kneading out the small knots and helping you relax - and he can tell that your full attention is on him. For the first time in knowing you, there aren’t any distractions or excuses to avoid this conversation. It’s just you, him, and the bare truth. He just hopes he can execute this right. 

“There aren’t enough words to explain how sorry I am, genuinely. I shouldn’t have ever belittled you like that, ______.” He takes a deep breath, one of many, and closes his eyes. The scene of you stomping away from him has no end in his mind. It constantly plays at every hour of the day, re-run after re-run, to torment him and remind him how horribly he screwed up with you. Please, please forgive him. “You’re not just my mom’s student. You’re not just a friend that I get coffee with. You’re so much more than that and I’ve been such a fucking chicken and haven’t been able to be honest with you.”

“You couldn’t have possibly known about my condition and it was wrong of me to take my frustration out on you.” Jaehyun can feel himself begin to cry, his tears raining down his cheeks in cascades of pent up anger and hatred for how he made you feel that day. You didn’t deserve it. You didn’t deserve to be treated like shit by him. “Your work is important to you and I know it should be appreciated. What’s important to you is important to me, okay?”

“You love your art, and I love you.”

He says it over and over again. Those three special words rapidly become six words, nine words, eighteen, forty-two, and onwards as you look at him with an empty expression. Please, please say something. For every second of no response, he confesses his love to you. He confesses as if it’s his source of air - the only way that he’ll be able to survive this encounter is if he bares his emotions with no regrets. If this were a movie, he’d be the desperate protagonist in the climax of the story who fucked up his love life and is begging for a second chance - hell, this is real life and that’s exactly what he’s doing. Just, please, have a happy ending.

You open your mouth, yet nothing comes out. No words. No statements. No confessions. You’re simply staring at him like he’s just told you the most absurd news in the existence of the universe…

…and then a tear falls. 

One tear slips from your eyes, followed by another, and another…until your face is drenched in salty rain with black mascara creasing your eyes. You look like a raccoon. Jaehyun almost starts laughing. No. He is laughing; laughing because your false lashes have fallen into your hands as the glue refused to be waterproof - and now you’re standing before him in a puddled mess of makeup and disheveled hair. You’ve never looked more beautiful. 

Jaehyun brushes his fingers across your cheek, attempting to wipe away your tears like an artist covering up a beautiful mistake. If he were a painter, he’d paint you a million times and more - hanging every portrait on every single wall of his apartment, until there was literally no space left for a scrap of paper. You’re the most gorgeous girl he’s ever laid his eyes on, and the smile that suddenly bursts from your sobs confirms it. 

“What’s going on? I’m so confused, are you happy or are you sad?” He’s so concerned and his inability to read emotions correctly only makes him more helpless. “Talk to me, beautiful. C’mon.”

You lean into his touch and he instantly knows that everything is going to be okay. 

“I just never thought I’d hear you say that.” Your smile is directed at him now, and he feels a warmth that is so familiar yet unfamiliar and he can’t get enough of it. It’s similar to the feeling of being showered in sunlight or snuggling beneath a comforter in the winter - an overwhelming comfort that’s a gift from you to him. “I feel like I’ve been waiting forever. Fuck you for that.”

Now you’re both laughing, giggling, and beaming at each other. His heart feels so at peace. The civil war between his divided emotions, love and loneliness, has finally ceased. 

“I love you.”

“I love you.”

“I love you.”

Neither of you can stop the flow of confessions that slip from your tongues and in an instant your lips are on his - clashing and colliding in a furious kiss that rivals the strength of a hurricane. It’s almost as if he can physically feel your love pouring into him and warming his heart into a heated flame, stoked by the embers of your touch. God, he missed your touch. The feeling of it is addicting. It’s his personal heroin and he’ll never get enough of it. 

Your lips are just as soft as he imagined them to be, perhaps they’re a rosy pink color with the slightest touch of strawberry lip balm that he keeps getting a fleeting hint of taste from. Never in his wildest dreams did he think you’d love him too. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. He silently repeats over and over - grateful that he’s been so blessed to know you…feel you…and love you in the awful world that he hated living on his own  - the world void of color that you’ve somehow brightened by simply breathing beside him. 

His hands are everywhere. Your hips. Your waist. Your breasts. Your neck. He can’t get enough of the feeling of you. With every passing second he’s falling deeper and deeper in love. You’re utterly perfect, he would kiss you for years if that was an option—

Aw shit, he knocked over an easel. 

“Goddammit,” he mumbles while briefly pulling away from you. Of course he had to interrupt the moment he’s been waiting months for with his clumsiness. He’s such a dumbass. If he could punch himself in the gut, he would - but that would be way too embarrassing in front of you - hold up, this painting is familiar!

“Well I'll be damned.” He chuckles and turns the canvas towards you, to which you burst out laughing. “I thought you’d have thrown this out.”

“No,” you gaze at the painting with love in your eyes. “I could never, that’s how we met.”

The painted streak he accidentally inflicted upon your artwork remains in the same position. It seems that you never even bothered covering it up and embraced the imperfection. While Jaehyun cannot decipher the magnitude of colors on the canvas, he’s sure that the various strokes look gorgeous and masterful. You’ve always been so talented. He’s so lucky.

As he places the painting upon a now-standing easel, you rest your forehead against his. He loves you. He loves you so much. So much so that he can’t help but take a step closer, not just one but many, and embrace the overwhelming love and passion he holds for you. There are so many words he wants to say, confessions that can carry on for an infinite number of lines, but there’s no need for that now. You have forever - and he decides to start that forever with his favorite thing…

…a kiss. 

“I love you.” You whisper.

“I love you more.” He replies.

This is a fancy-ass venue. 

Jaehyun can’t help but feel underdressed for the occasion, despite being clad in a fitted white button up and black tie, whilst his dress-shoes cramp his feet in the worst ways imaginable. He almost looks like that one moviestar in the romantic comedy you love so much. Was it the one with the rich guy in Singapore or the one where they worked in an office and he was a businessman? Jaehyun can’t remember. Whatever, it doesn’t really matter either way. He’s distracting himself too much, he needs to focus— tonight is one of the most important nights of your career. No, it is the most important night for your future career. His mother contacted every big art distributor and critic that she has professional relationships with. It’s your night…and wow did you kill it. 

It’s almost as if you’ve plastered yourself across the walls. Every art piece that his eyes roll over is exceptionally you - your personality, your passions, and your heart - and it’s obvious you’ve spent months curating the most perfect array of paintings a person could muster. 

He can read your story like an open book while he slowly makes his way through the gallery. There are paintings depicting your childhood, ones that remind him of the stories you tell him of your primary school drama and premature interests. That one must be when you broke your arm while learning to ride your bike. You’re particularly stuck on that story— strongly stating how upset you were because it was your dominant arm, halting your ability to paint for seven weeks. Referencing your painting passion, there’s a whole array of canvases dedicated to your love for art; beginning with inspirations of immaturity to skillful selections of texture techniques. Jaehyun is obviously no art critic, but if he were, he’d write a whole expose on how amazing you are. 

With his mind so engaged with your talent, he’s oblivious to the people passing by; so oblivious that he doesn’t even notice his own mother approaching. 

“She’s talented isn’t she?” 

Holy shit. The familiar voice of his mother startles Jaehyun, but he instinctively wraps a loose arm around her waist and greets her with a grin. She returns the affectionate expression and it’s painfully obvious that he got his smile from her, and even more painfully obvious that they’re all related when he notices they’re wearing the matching watches they got for Christmas last year; and when Johnny walks up with his teeth beaming, he also practically looks like part of the family. Long lashes and a toothy grin, the physical brand of the Jeong family; famous in not only arts, but good looks!

“Your girlfriend’s a pro at this shit, Jaehyun.” Johnny ruffles his little best friend’s hair and lightly nudges his shoulder. “I’m surprised anyone could like your annoying ass, let alone a pretty girl.”

Jaehyun rolls his eyes at his best friend’s quips, completely ignoring him and focusing on his mom. Johnny’s just jealous because he can’t get a girl to deal with his narcissism. He’d be surprised if Johnny actually kept a girlfriend longer than a month with his high standards and demanding schedule; but that’s a story for another day. What matters now is his mom’s praise of you.

“Y’know I always knew she had an innate ability.” Miss Jeong has a faint smile on her face, gazing at her youngest son with nothing but pure happiness. It’s a true display of a mother’s love for her youngest son, and Jaehyun doesn’t know what he’d do without her guidance. She squeezes his side and presses a gentle kiss to his cheek. God, he’d be so embarrassed if his groupmates saw this. “Though, I always thought she specialized in artwork.”

Hm? Jaehyun sends a puzzled glance in her direction. What is she going on about?

His mom continues, knowing her son well enough that he needs a clear explanation in order to understand anything at all, and presses her hand against his chest. “I didn’t realize she was so skilled at touching hearts.”

His heart is beating faster at the mere thought of your beauty.

There are tears behind Miss Jeong’s eyes and Jaehyun can feel the waterworks attempting to break his own dam. They’re an emotional duo, him and his mom, Johnny gets tired of their antics sometimes— but Jaehyun knows he loves them. Their mom always knows the right thing to say. “I never thought I’d see you like this, Jaehyun.”

Johnny smirks, nodding in agreement. “You seem so at ease. It’s cute.”

Reflexively, he pulls them both into a big hug— which is the first hug he’s given Johnny since he was nothing but a young boy, afraid and stressed, auditioning for the very first time. Jaehyun finally understands what it means to love and be loved, all because of you; and now he can apply that same love to his best friend, who’s been there for him for so long. The overwhelming comfort he feels in his family’s arms is the same warmth he felt when he made his first song and ran into his mother to celebrate his newfound passion. For a long time, Jaehyun believed that it was only possible to have that one singular passion. Oh how wrong he was. 

“I get it now.” he says softly into their ears. “She helped me understand.”

“And we’re happy for you,” Johnny pats him on the back as hard as he can, eliciting a threatening glare from his younger sibling, to which their mother laughs. 

“Check out the centerpieces down the hall.” Miss Jeong nudges Jaehyun on, standing beside Johnny. “I think you’ll love them, sweetheart.”

With their encouragement, he carries on with the gallery and down the straight hallway of evolving paintings. Every step he takes, seems to carry him into a new era of your life. It’s almost as if he’s time traveling through memories that seemingly morph from abstract to realistic art; and he learns more and more about you with each passing second, ultimately leading towards one large painting in the center of the room. 

Holy shit. You’re breathtaking. 

Never in Jaehyun’s life has his world stopped due to paint on canvas— but right now, it feels like every single brush stroke is a frozen second that he gets to relive again and again, just basking in the presence of your beautiful skill.

The way you’ve outlined your hair with thin lines and highlighted your lovely cheekbones, is nothing short of masterful. If he looks close enough, he can understand the comforting feeling of cupping your face with just his eyes. He didn’t even know you did self-portraits, but now he wishes he could hang this very one right above his couch; to show off the talent of his amazing girlfriend for everyone to see (not that he actually has many friends other than his groupmates). 

Where are you? He needs to let you know how special it is to be with someone like you—

“Cat got your tongue?”

Speak of the devil.

“Do you like it?” You raise your eyebrows at him expectantly. “What do you think?”

You said the same thing when you first met.

Jaehyun looks between you and the painting, now realizing that no matter how masterful your skill is, it’s impossible to capture just how gorgeous you are in any form of art. You’re simply exquisite. The most talented painter in the world wouldn’t know how to appreciate your beauty. Davinci? No. Botticelli? No. Di Angelo? Not even he could sculpt your features to perfection. However, despite his high standards, Jaehyun believes that your self portrait is the greatest thing he’s ever seen. 

The familiar feeling of flusteredness grows on his cheeks as he holds eye-contact with you, wondering what color it is you’re wearing. He bets it’s red, you always wear red around him. “I love it.”

As your right hand finds his palm, the left reaches up and cups his cheek. With a gentle touch, your lips are on his and Jaehyun feels his head take a spin on the merry-go-round of love. He can’t get enough of you. If he had a choice, he’d spend every waking second of his day peppering you in light kisses on every part of your body— and he’d make sure that you never felt loneliness again. You deserve nothing less than the absolute best, and he’s made it his life’s goal to give that to you.

Slowly, he begins to feel your smile against his lips and you pull away with a lovesick gaze. He pulls you into his chest, cradling your head and kissing it softly before whispering how proud he is, and it’s almost unbelievable how far Jaehyun’s come. Somehow you’ve lured him into a bottomless ravine where the only resource to live is to be hopelessly in love with you— and truthfully, he never wants to escape. You’re everything to him. 

“You love it?” your eyes are shining brighter than the sun. “You haven’t even seen my best work yet.”

“Oh?’ Jaehyun raises his brows, mocking surprise at your statement. “Well now you have to show me. It’s only fair.”

You place your hands on his chest and peck his lips before spinning him around. He’s confused for a moment, wondering what you’re doing when you could’ve just led him to the canvas instead of guiding him around like it’s a dance class…but then he sees it. 

He sees himself. 

Never in his life has he completely understood what being in love is. Yes, he's felt love. From his mother, who raised him to be the man he is; caring, thoughtful, and compassionate. From his best friend, who helped him understand ambition and sacrifice. From his groupmates, who challenge him to be the best he possibly can and to support one another without holding grudges. He's felt different types of love from so many people in his life. Familial. Platonic. Admiration. This is different, though. The love you show him is true love. It's the kind of love that movie stars win awards for portraying. It's the fantasy that kids dream about having when they grow up into big adults. It's the thing he thought was impossible to obtain, but was lucky enough to stumble upon you in that empty art studio on the best day of his life. 

He didn't know love could be expressed in this kind of way. Through the very same paint strokes and brush marks that used to make him nauseous with hatred. Seeing your masterpiece, he doesn't understand how he could ever hate something so amazing. Art is spectacular. No. Your art is spectacular. You are spectacular. 

"You love it right?" You're trying your best not to giggle at his awestruck reaction. "Want to know the best part?"

Jaehyun can feel himself nodding, desperately reaching for your hand in an attempt to ground himself from the air he's walking on— and you begin to explain. "It's a dual piece. Notice how we're facing each other?"

Oh my god, you are facing each other. He hadn't noticed it before, but he can see clearly now. You've placed him in the dead center of the room, giving him a full view of both of the paintings— opposite of one another on two opposing easels. "Tell me more, baby." His voice is nothing louder than a whisper, only for you to hear.

"I'm painted in black and white."

Oh?

"You're painted in color."

...Oh.

"I wanted to show how love knows no bounds. There's beauty in how you see me and how I see you. It doesn't matter that I'm colorless to you, you still look at me like I'm the prettiest girl in the world; and I only wish you could understand how vibrant your eyes are, Jaehyun. You're the most handsome man I've seen in my entire life."

He loves you.

He loves you so, so much. 

A part of his heart feels like he's falling in love with you all over again. It's growing larger and larger, unable to contain the capacity of feelings he holds for you. He's so overwhelmed with joy that tears begin to fight to escape his eyes, ultimately dripping down his cheeks like watercolor on paper, and he sweeps you into the tightest hug known to man.

There's really only one thing left to do. One thing to close this chapter and carry on with the rest of your love story, something that's sacred only between the two of you. Something that he hopes to say to you everyday, every night, every hour, and every minute that he can.

"I love you."

⋆⋆⋆⠀ ⠀thank you so much for reading + supporting! ⋆⋆⋆⠀ ⠀reblogs are greatly appreciated!

#jaehyun #jaehyun jeong #jaehyun x reader #jaehyun x you #jaehyun x y/n #jaehyun fanfiction #jaehyun ff #jaehyun fanfic #jaehyun angst #jaehyun fluff #jaehyun smut #jeong jaehyun x you #jeong jaehyun x reader #jeong jaehyun fanfiction #jeong jaehyun smut #jaehyun hc #jaehyun hcs #jaehyun blurb #nct #nct 127 #nct127 #nct x you #nct smut #nct127 smut #nct 127 x reader

[writemekpop]

I Kissed the President (Part 1) | Jung Jaehyun

Summary: You're an undercover journalist digging for dirt on billionaire Jung Jaehyun. You'd do anything to get the story. Even fuck him...

Genre: Smut, angst, drama

Word Count: 0.9k

Part 1 ❤️ | Part 2 | Part 3

Jaehyun Jung stands in front of you, completely naked. He wipes his dripping hair with a towel.

Jaehyun is running for president. You’re an undercover journalist, looking for dirt to bring him down. You had just sneaked into his house – when he caught you red handed.   

 You get a little distracted by the hard planes of his stomach… his V-shaped shadow…

“Can you at least pretend you’re not looking at my junk?” he snaps. 

“I’m n-not,” you stutter. 

Jaehyun hands you a wad of 10,000 won bills. “You’re my… masseuse, right? The bathroom is that way. Don’t be long…” 

In the bathroom, you call your best friend and colleague, Giselle. 

 “Jung sees sex workers,” you whisper. 

“Oh ho… we are so bringing him down.”

“No,” you hiss. “He thinks I am one! I’ll just tell him I’m a-“

“No way!” Giselle says. “People blurt out everything in bed! Just… get him to talk.” 

Once you’ve put on the dressing gown, you leave the bathroom and sit down on the bed. Jaehyun looks, unfortunately, stunning. He is in an open black shirt and trousers, his caramel skin gleaming. 

“Well… what’s your name?“ 

“Y-“ you say, before realising you have to lie. “Asha.” 

“Well, Asha-“ He gestures to your tightly wrapped dressing gown, “Undress.”

“Aren’t you classy…” you say, rolling your eyes.     

Sighing, Jaehyun collapses onto the bed. “Oh Asha, I have no desire to discuss my life with you. I’m running for president. It’s such a drag, saving this country from an economic crisis.” 

You snort.  Jaehyun’s face darkens. “Did you just laugh at me?” 

“N-no.” 

“Go on,” he says. 

“Your… plan to make tax cuts for the rich? That’s not helping the country, that’s just helping your cronies,” you blurt out.  

Jaehyun laughs a little in surprise. Rolling over you, he gently pushes a strand of your hair over your ear.  

“Tell me why you hate my policies,” he murmurs.  

“Well…” you say, , “you call them your policies, but we all know you’re just your daddy’s puppet.” You look brazenly down at his crotch. “And your… welfare spending isn’t the only thing small about you.” 

Jaehyun smirks. His body hovers over you. His voice is low and rough. “How about I show you just how wrong you are?” 

That’s when you remember why you’re here.

Cringing, you extract yourself and drop the cash on the bed. “Ugh… you’re not worth it. Come to me when you’re actually president.” 

You feel Jaehyun’s eyes drinking you in as you move to the door. “Asha,” he says, “You’re different than I thought. You’re not-“

“What?” you tease. “Not dumb?” You sigh. “You’re an asshole. No wonder no woman will sleep with you for free.” 

You strut out of the room, to the sound of Jaehyun’s quiet, stunned laughter. 

--- The next day, Jaehyun’s mind is full of weird thoughts. Thoughts like… the sway of your hips as you walked away… how sexy it was when you talked economic policy…

“Hey… I know that look,” Taeyong, his bodyguard, says. 

“There’s no look.” Jaehyun says roughly, pushing his breakfast bowl away.

“Who is she?” Taeyong asks. “And how has she managed to steal the heart of Jaehyun Jung? 

Jaehyun’s face is bright red. “The girl from last night… she was a good ride. I want her again. Book her.” 

Taeyong grins. “On it.” 

—

Read Part 2 here 💋

MAIN MASTERLIST

#jaehyun #nct 127 #nct smut #jaehyun smut #nct imagines #kpop imagines #nct scenarios #nct suggestive #nct hard hours #nct angst #jaehyun angst #jaehyun scenarios #jung jaehyun #jung yoonoh #nct 127 smut #nct 127 imagines #nct dream #nct x reader #jaehyun fanfiction #nct reactions

[vad-hander]

NOW, ARE YOU HAPPY?

pairing: idol!Jaehyun x reader

others: idol!Taeyong

genre: one-shot, romance, light smut, fluff, angst, strangers to lovers

warnings: swearing, break up, mentions of pregnancy and abortion, open ending

words: 22,3 k

You missed Jaehyun’s presence in your life but you couldn’t blame it on him. You were the one who told him that you didn’t love him anymore, you were the one that ended it even though he died to work everything out with you.

You put on your big girl pants when he came over to pick his stuff a couple of months ago and acted like you didn’t hurt one bit. You chose the path and you tried your best to walk it with your head held up high, not without sudden break downs, though, you hated to admit.

[19:34] from Jung Jaehyun: regardless of what terms we’re on right now, you should still come to the concert. 

[19:34] from Jung Jaehyun: hi, by the way

You chewed onto your lower lip, staring at the messages that came through right when you were waiting for the green light to turn on. Your thoughts drifted to Jaehyun and you felt sick in your stomach, holding on to it when the cars behind you signalled and you pushed gas pedal quickly, placing your hands back on the steering wheel, focusing your attention on the road. 

[20:40] from TY: Even my older sister is coming, no chance you’re getting yourself out of it. 

[20:40] from TY: I’mgoing to get a car for you tomorrow. 

[20:41] to TY: I’m not feeling well so I’m not sure if I should come ㅠㅠ

[20:44] from TY: remember you’re the one who told Jaehyun to leave? You can’t run away from him forever, he’ll have to know. 

[20:44] to TY: it’s not about this you idiot.

[20:44] to TY: and no, he doesn’t need to know. 

[20:47] to Jung Jaehyun: hi! thanks, I was planning to come anyway, it’s not like I’m going to miss out on my best friends show ^^

You almost hit send but pressed delete instead, propping the phone next to you, closing your eyes in tiredness. Nausea you felt made all of your energy go away and you found it only logical to go to bed at such an early hour, but the message you almost sent to Jaehyun replayed in your head not letting your heart beat in normal pace. The message probably would look weird to his eyes, the wording seemed too distracted and you debated for over two hours if you should text him something at all. Leaving him on read is probably as rude as sending that message, you though. 

You asked him to not be dramatic over the break up, be grown up about your decision and act like normal people would act if the both of you had to cross paths. And you knew for sure, having to be childhood best friends with his close friend, you’ll get to see each other more than you’d like to. 

[22:42] to Jung Jaehyun: I’m not going to miss out on something you worked so hard on, so see you tomorrow ^^ 

You couldn’t look at your screen any longer, seeing letters flow over the screen in circles. Your eyes were giving up on you and you finally sent the message and tucked yourself into the duvet. 

-

“Hey, I’m next to the dome, how do I get in?” you fished your chapstick out of your purse, undoing the lid with one hand and putting minty essence on your lips. 

“Oh, already? Wait a second.” you could hear him prop his phone on the table, hearing distant voices of people that surrounded Taeyong. You guessed boys were probably getting their make up and hair done with the distinct chatter of women over the phone. “I’m getting my make up done, Jaehyun will pick you up at the employee entrance at the back of the dome.”

“Not him.” you protested immediately. “Come yourself.” 

“Dude, I have one eye done, he’s coming already.” 

“Stop him, tell him not to. Ask Doyoung, or Haechan, whoever?” you felt your hand shake while you tried to shove your chapstick back down to it’s designated place, dropping it onto the ground by accident. “I didn’t prepare myself mentally.”

“Love, you‘ve spent four years with him, how come you’re terrified of the idea…” he paused and for a second you felt like the two of you got disconnected. “Wait a sec.”

“Hi, Y/n.” you heard his voice over the phone all of a sudden, squatted with your chapstick in your hand, forgetting to get up. “Tell me what you’re wearing.” his voice was as calm as he could ever make it. You exhaled and collected yourself. Jaehyun was just being normal, you should be too, no matter what, you told yourself. 

“Uhm, you know, the pink dress I have.” you kind of sounded unsure, lowering your eyes to look at your own clothes. “Why?”

“Oh, that. Okay, I just need to tell the security guard what you look like so he’ll let you in.”

“I’ll get to the other side of the dome then.”

“See you in a bit.” he said warmly into the phone and hung up. 

You hurried around the dome, feeling astonished by the number of people that stood at the back of it. It was still early before the concert and the most of early birds probably tried to fish out the boys from the back. You rushed to the door when you saw the guard walk out of it, scanning the area around. Shortening the distance to the entrance you felt more eyes focusing on you, sensing that familiar feeling of fear all over your body. That familiar feeling of being scared to get exposed. Your best advice you always gave yourself was to just lower your head and not look into anyones eyes and you chose to follow it by heart right this very moment. Regretting wearing something more than just casual clothes, you felt your appearance catch more concerned glimpses than it should’ve. 

“Hi, I guess you’re waiting for me.” you came up to the guard who was too tall for you to not raise your head up above. You tried to talk quietly because the area got seemingly quieter since the two of you began your interaction. 

“Your birthday?” he asked emotionless. 

“Hm…” you gulped and took a glance around quickly. “Can you bend a little?” you wondered if he found your request amusing but he did as you wished, allowing for you to call the date quietly. 

“Okay, come with me.” he bobbed his head and walked in direction of the entrance. Just as you got in, a slight turn to the right allowed your eyes to meet with Jaehyun that stood there quietly. 

“Hi.” you mumbled slapping yourself internally for sounding so lame. 

“Hello.” Jaehyun smiled sincerely, taking a step towards you to give you a quick hug, confusing you endlessly. “I thought Taeyong is going to send to you our driver.” 

“He wanted to, but forgot, and you know, normal taxis don’t just get to drive inside of domes.” you forced a smile and expected for him to walk towards the dressing room but he stood there looking at you. 

“You should’ve told me, i would’ve reminded him.” 

“It’s fine.” you smiled, coming up with something else you could tell him “so many people outside already.” your eyes ran over the corridor to not stare at him. “I guess they’re  excited to finally see you again.” 

“Yeah…” his hands touched his thighs while his back leaned against the wall. “Are you… okay?” 

“Yeah, yeah. It’s no big deal, I have legs.” you chuckled trying to act like you didn’t understand his question. 

“No, I meant in general. Are you okay?” he caught your gaze with his and forced you to stay still. 

“Yeah, what can be not okay?” you blinked and took a little step back trying to see his face better. Did Taeyong tell him something? You were ready to choke that skinny demon with your bare hands if he did. “Are you… okay?” you asked him back trying to make it seem as if it was a simple gesture of politeness, actually dying to see in his eyes the answer. 

“Could’ve been better, but work got me busy so maybe just a little better than bad?” he chuckled through pain and you could feel how he tried to break down the wall you built and come closer. “I..” he stuttered making you nervous and you hated hearing him being this way. You were scared shitless at what he could possibly want to say that made him so anxious. 

“Can you take me to Taeyong…?” you asked to cut him off. Standing one on one with him was making your head go dizzy even if there is dead silence between you two. 

“Oh, yeah, yeah. Of course, let’s go.” he moved quickly, making it hard for you to match the pace of his long legs. 

“You made it!” Taeyong’s voice caught your attention and helped you find him in the room full of men right as you entered it behind Jaehyun. Your eyes met with the hairdresser and you waved at Taeyong shyly deciding on not giving him a hug, hairdresser’s eyes kind of telling you to stay away and not ruin her work. 

“I’ll wait for you here.” you pointed with your finger and sat at the stool in the corner of the room. Taeyong simply nodded focusing his eyes back on his phone, playing a game, you assumed. 

Jaehyun moved his eyes from you the second you caught him staring, forcing his attention onto laughing Mark. Your eyes set on him while he was distracted, checking out the outfit he wore: his casual sweatpants and a hoodie your mom gave him for his birthday. You bit onto your lip unconsciously, forcing your inner self to move your eyes away before tears began to pour. You couldn’t help but wonder if he wore it regularly or he chose to wear it today to pull onto your strings. 

Blinking multiple times to enlighten your vision you finally noticed you sat right next to a rail full of their stage clothes. Your eyes ran from white costumes hanging closest to you to the ones with lots of rhinestones all over them. 

“Yuta, you’re next.” a girl with long hair and thick bangs said loudly, appearing next to you. Your eyes silently followed Yuta up until the moment he suddenly pulled his shirt off his body right in front of your face and you made a loud awkward gulp. Unexpected situations like that made you more startled than you wanted them to and the fact you had a mask on actually made you relieved, hiding the rosiness of your cheeks behind it. You wanted to move your gaze away but suddenly got caught up in the tattoos he had on his lower abdomen. When did he get them? Or did he always have them? You couldn’t work it out and couldn’t force yourself to look away either until the moment that white shirt that hung next to you covered his body. 

“Oh, Y/n?” you gave him a slight nod “hi!” 

“Hi.” you bowed shyly, finally moving your eyes away to the group of people sitting on the couch. Mark still laughed at whatever Haechan was saying, while Doyoung and Johnny discussed something that seemed to bother them terribly from the screen of one of the guys’ phone screen. Jaehyun’s eyes met yours and you couldn’t help but guess if he watched you stare at Yuta, he probably did. You looked over to the other corner of the room where Taeil and Taeyong were having their make up done in hopes of sending a SOS signal to your best friend but his gaze was focused on the phone completely making you distressed, watching his fingers move in distance from the reflection in the mirror. 

“Can you hold this?” Jaehyun’s voice forced your head to turn back around. “Actually, it’s cold out there you’ll probably need the hoody at the concert.” you stared blindly at him holding out a hoody with a sly smile on his face. “Or am I crossing something?” his face expression changed quickly into a concerned one when you didn’t react. 

“Oh, thank you.” you reacted too vividly belatedly, forcing half of the room look at you both. You could sense them knowing already the two of you broke up since the stares were literally burning a whole in you. “I’ll take it, thank you.” you stretched your lips in a thin line, taking it with both hands. You almost bowed at him reflexively but stopped yourself mid action trying to seem as if you’re just standing up to put it on, visibly reducing the distance between you two. 

“Jaehyun, put this on quickly.” you heard the same girl call out for him, constraining his attention to go on her. He moved quickly, still standing closer to you than you’d want him to, pulling the hem of his shirt up in the swiftest motion. Your entire system malfunctioned and him leaning behind you to lay the shirt on the rack didn’t help one bit. He probably implied on you moving to the side but how could you when your heart went in overdrive and your brain decided to go through all the times he took off his clothes in front of you, the freshets memory being not older than three months. Deep breathing was promised to help in stressful situations but the very moment you needed it to work you were getting no result. 

“Hey?” he asked concerned and leaned in more to you the moment he heard you take deep breaths in. “What’s up?” you couldn’t reply feeling yourself on the verge of tears. Your hormones suddenly felt like it’s time to regret every decision you made in the past months. Instantly every thought in your head went to taking your words back right there in the dressing room, asking him to forget you made him leave. You felt like breaking down in front of everyone, and while all these thoughts ran through your brain, your lungs began hyperventilating probably making it look like you were dying behind that stupid mask. Jaehyun moved his hands from the buttons of his shirt behind your ear, taking off the mask and helping you breathe. “What’s wrong?” he panicked visibly, forcing for you to sit back down. “Wait.” he flashed before your eyes to the table with food, grabbing a water bottle and shoving it into your arms the next second. “Drink it, did you ever feel anything like that before?” he kneeled before you, watching your throat bob every time you gulped on water. 

“No, I didn’t, I’m fine.” you forced a smile and pushed the bottle towards him. 

“Don’t act like we’re strangers. Literally three months ago you told me there’s no one else closer for you than me and now you’re almost chocking on air and the next minute I ask you what’s up - you’re fine.” his eyes searched for an answer you didn’t have for him. 

“You did that on purpose.” you furrowed your eyebrows. 

“Did what?” his eyes made you believe he didn’t know what you meant. You got a strong will to slap him for being too innocent, but more than that you just wanted to caress his rosey cheek. “You mean changing into stage clothes?”

“Oh, shut up.” 

“What?” he leaned in closer. 

“So you’re changing clothes right in front of me to get whatever reaction you want to get? Or what? If you’re thinking I’ll see your abs and fall in love with you once again, you’re stupid. This only happened because of my health condition.” you tried to talk slower to not seem mad. 

“What happened? Are you two fighting again?” Taeyong appeared next to the both of you and squatted next to Jaehyun right before he opened his mouth. 

“No. She’s just sick because of her health condition.” Jaehyun tried to make fun of you, it seemed. “Did you tell him? That you’re…” Taeyong looked at the two of you confused, drawing circles directed at his stomach with his pointing finger in the air and you almost raised your hand to punch him. 

“That she’s what?” Jaehyun turned around confused. 

“Oh, wait, you didn’t?” Taeyong jumped up and looked away. “Shit, I’m sorry. She got food poisoning, thats why she’s kinda Ill.” you closed your eyes and sighed. Did he really think Jaehyun’s going to buy what he said? If you had a food poisoning Taeyong would’ve made fun of you since the second you showed up, involving every single person he’d be able to. 

“Is that it?” Jaehyun’s fingers laid atop of your knee and you looked at him. 

“Your hand…” 

“I’m sorry.” he shook his head disapprovingly of his own action. 

“Take this too actually, I’m going to be fine.” you pushed the hoodie back into his arms. “I’ll drink something warm if it’ll be cold.” you smiled politely and stood up, getting into Taeyong’s embrace the next second. He murmured sweetly into your ear calming you down and your heart finally felt fine. He kept you occupied right up to the minute they had to go on stage. You stood quietly in the corner of the corridor, watching all 9 of them say their chants and get in the mood for the show. You waved them good luck as they left to their spots, catching Jaehyun’s body move towards you until he realised he shouldn’t. You wanted him to walk towards you too, you could not stand there and not reminisce on those rare times you kissed him quickly before he went to the stage, dying for the end of their performance to be able to hug him when your touch won’t mess up his stage appearance. 

Jaehyun stretched his arm towards you anyway when he walked past you and you shook it quickly with both of yours in support. The contact, the way his fingers hooked around yours and the way he held onto them for the longest time possible just made you realise how hungry you felt for him. How much affection from him meant to you and how badly you were in need of it. 

*

“The show’s insane.” you smiled widely at Taeyong when he appeared right next to you. 

“Wait, I’ll change, don’t go anywhere, okay?” his reply was quick and you guessed he was still busy. 

Time wasn’t flying while you waited, more likely it crawled like a dying snail, minutes barely changing in what felt like forever. You finally heard men walk in distance and your guess was right - someone was leaving the dome. Couple of minutes later, when it felt like everyone probably left by now, you heard quick steps and someone trying to match the walk. 

“Jaehyun, seriously, calm down.” you heard Taeyong’s voice the moment you were able to see them two run down the corridor towards you. “You’re not going to do any good for the both of you like that.”

“Why did you not tell me?” Jaehyun shouted when he was not more than two meters away from you. “Why the hell did you hide it from me?” he stood in front of you quicker than you wished, lowering his body above the chair you sat on, keeping his palms on the armrests for support. 

“What?” you furrowed your eyebrows at him. 

“Why did you hide from me that you’re pregnant?” he shouted out of breath and you felt pain. You knew the day he’d find out somehow would come but this wasn’t meant to be the so called day. 

“I-I…” his stare was expectant and furious. “Don’t look at me like that and don’t shout!” 

“Why did you not tell me we’re having a baby?” he ignored your words but his presence most definitely got lighter. He lowered the tone of his voice a little, still being as furious as ever. 

“There’s no we, Jaehyun. And there’s no baby either.” 

“Huh?” Taeyong chimed in from behind. “What you mean?”

“Did you lie to me?” Jaehyun turned to face his friend. 

“She…Wait, Y/n, did YOU lie to me?” Taeyong took a step closer to you confused. 

“I didn’t, I was… pregnant…” the two men stared at you bewildered. 

“Huh? You had a miscarriage or something?” Taeyong took another step to you visibly nervous. “Why you didn’t tell me?” 

“No, not that. I went through a termination.”

“You mean like abo…”

“Yes, this.” you didn’t let Jaehyun finish his sentence. 

“But why? When?” you knew Taeyong was confused like hell, three days ago the two of you were having a conversation about the month the baby was going to be born in and now you drop the news at him. 

“Today. That’s why I felt sick earlier. It’s really no big deal, you two shouldn’t be worried like that.”

“No big deal? No big deal? Are you kidding me?” Jaehyun pushed himself from you, walking in quick circles over the corridor. “What is wrong with you?” he stormed towards you with nothing but insanity in his eyes. 

“Hey, dude, calm down.” Taeyong caught him half way. “She’s probably feeling much worse than you do.” 

“She hid from me the fact that she’s pregnant, broke up with me and now when I get to know she’s pregnant, she says she got rid of my child? Without even telling me? Even a single message saying ‘hey, I was pregnant with your baby, but I’m getting rid of it tonight’ would’ve been better than finding out this way. And you think she feels worse? Seriously?” he breathed heavily and you couldn’t raise your eyes up from your knees in shame, watching warm droplets leave wet stains on your clothes. It hurt you terribly to hurt Jaehyun but there was no way back now. “Taeyong, let go of me, I’m fine, seriously, I swear.” Taeyong looked up Jaehyun, setting him free in a second. “I… do you not want to tell me anything? Look me in the eyes maybe? Not a single thing? Hm?” his body towered above you and you actually did raise your head to look at him but the contact didn’t last for more than five seconds because of Jaehyun. “You know, actually I don’t want to look at you. I can’t believe you did all of this. I thought you loved me the way I loved you. I… I can’t believe and I don’t want to believe. You’re making me sick.” he turned away on his heels quickly, running away. 

*

“I know Doyoung’s your best friend, but he isn’t mine. I’m not going to come, I’m sorry.” 

“Pretty please?” Taeyong whined over the phone. 

“You know everything is crooked, I’m not going to come to your place when Jaehyun’s totally going to be there.” you sighed, moving your eyes to another book on the shelf. 

“He actually wanted to talk to you, maybe you should come. You know, he’s been all upset these two months and told me he doesn’t feel good bout your last conversation, you should totally come.” you could hear the sound of his favourite PC game in the background. “Oh, sh…” he exclaimed randomly and went quiet. 

“Are you setting me up with him?”

“I’m not, you’re not a stranger to neither of us and Doyoung would like to see you, plus you do really need to get clean with Jaehyun. I’m not pushing but I know it’s something that could make you feel better…”

“I don…”

“No matter what the outcome is, y’all need to talk.” Taeyong cut you off. 

“Okay.” 

“You’re coming?”

“No, I’m just agreeing it’ll make me feel much better.” 

“Come then, I can come pick you up.” 

“Nah, just play your games.”

“I have to go buy cake anyway, you’ll gladly help me, I know it.” you could feel him smile through the phone. “This month is always insane.”

“Yeah.” you sighed into the phone. 

“Did you think about Jaehyun’s birthday?”

“What you mean?”

“Don’t know, maybe you were planning on a gift or something…”

“I wasn’t.” you said roughly. 

“Okay, okay. I was just thinking what I should get him.” the clicking of his mouse was all that you could hear for a while. “Where are you? I’ll pick you up and we’ll go to Paris Baguette or something.” 

*

“Did you tell Jaehyun I’ll come?”

“I did.” Taeyong nodded, resting his arm over your shoulders. 

“At least we know why he left, right?” you chuckled not knowing if you were glad or upset about it. 

“Maybe he has schedules or something? I can text him.” Taeyong moved his free hand to grab  his phone. 

“No don’t, I don’t care.” you looked him deep in the eyes and Taeyong bobbed his head in agreement. 

“Okay, you don’t.” his eyes ran over the room and you did the same. 

“I thought you meant there’s going to be a party or something.” you looked over the take out on the table. 

“It is low-key a party, isn’t it?” he chuckled making you question him. Doyoung himself wasn’t even home yet. Mark and Haechan sat on the other side of the room playing something on their phones. Yuta ran over the room once and the rest of the people that lived here were nowhere to be seen. 

“Where’s Doyoung?” 

“I didn’t ask him, it’ll be too sus to ask.” 

“And what if they’re having a party somewhere else?” 

“Doyoung will come, I know he knows I’ll buy him cake.”

“And the rest? Do they know?” 

“We’ll they might show up, I don’t know. I just asked you to come because I didn’t want you to be alone, not because there was a big ass party planned.” 

“Okay…” you sighed at him, picking up your chopsticks to munch on food. 

“Hey, Jaehyun texted me he’s with Doyoung.” Mark announced loudly and at the mention of your lovers name you felt like you had digestive problems. “They’re actually in front of the house.” 

“Jaehyun’s going to ruin it if he’ll come with him to our floor, text him.” Haechan exclaimed quickly. 

“He said he’s coming with him to pick up a hoodie from Taeyong.”

“Me? What hoodie.” 

“A fake one, obviously, Taeyong, use your brain.” you shook your head and put the chopsticks away, hearing Haechan’s distant giggles. 

“Okay, let’s hide.” he quickly dragged you behind the counter and ran over to the corner, lighting up the candles. The house was pitch black and a moment later you could hear the code being punched in. Doyoung’s giggle filled the room before he probably noticed it being dark. 

“Oh, no one’s here?”

“Maybe in their rooms.” Jaehyuns voice made you shiver. 

“Yeah.” Doyoung agreed before turning the lights on, forcing the 5 of you to jump out of your hide outs. You sang the happy birthday song together, quietly watching the boys hug for way too long, finally giving Doyoung a quick awkward hug and stepping back. They sat down and the unending blabbering party began. 

You blinked often and smiled with all of your strength as if you were engaged in the heated conversation they had to not focus your vision on Jaehyun that weirdly enough sat right across you, munching on the piece of cake for the past 30 minutes. He didn’t speak much but you could vividly hear him every time he laughed loudly at the jokes that were told. Your eyes fixated on his hand that held the fork, not believing the fact he was still torturing the chocolate goodness on the plate. You wondered how long would it take him to finally finish it off, when his head suddenly raised and caught you stare. He smiled at you fondly and you didn’t find anything better than to roll your eyes at him in reply. You felt stupidity of your action but you leaned back onto the couch, turning your head towards Taeyong more. 

“Guys, I’ll go.” Jaehyun sighed in what felt like not later than five minutes, placing the fork next to the still unfinished cake and stood up. “Doyoung, happy birthday once again.” 

“Why so early, Jaehyunah?” Johnny asked in his whiny tone.

“Suddenly felt like going to bed early tonight.” he smoothed out the jeans on his legs, grabbing the phone from the table to go. 

“Yeah, sure.” you chuckled annoyed, but more importantly disappointed. First and foremost disappointed in yourself for acting the way you did. The grown ups agenda seemed to not work out on your side the most and you couldn’t believe you were doing things the way you shouldn’t. 

“Are you two somehow learned to fight through telepathy?” 

“We never fought, what are you talking about?” 

“I’m not going to fight with you over this either.” Taeyong shook his head and turned away. 

*

“Hey, you’re bored?” Taeyong touched your shoulder when your hands reached for another piece of cake. “Can you do me a favour?”

“Sure.” you nodded and turned to face your friend properly. 

“Take the left overs to the other floor.” 

“Why me? Yuta’s going to go back there anyway.” 

“By the time he’ll go there will be nothing to take.” Taeyong’s eyes pointed at your plate. 

“You’re doing this on purpose?” 

“I’m not!” he whined suddenly “Just go and come back quickly. I still have to take you home.” 

“Fine.” you sighed and stood up. 

“Yo, I’m sorry. Could you get my hoodie? It should be on the couch.” Mark raised a hand at you as if he was talking to a waiter “If it’s not, then it’s totally fine. Someone probably took it to my room, don’t worry.”  

“Ugh, yeah, okay.” you said awkwardly and felt Taeyong shove the cake box into your hands. 

“Go.” he pointed at the door. 

“It’s green, by the way.” Mark shouted suddenly when you were at the door and you smiled at him awkwardly once again. 

Knocking on the door just in case, before entering the living room, you found it empty, sighing relieved. Maybe Jaehyun did plan on calling it a night early. This, only seemed like a good thing to you. 

Your feet quickly took you to the fridge that was right around the corner from the entrance of the apartment, placing the cake on one of the shelfs. Your plan was quick and simple: put the cake in the fridge and run away as if you never were there. You were half way to succeeding when the killing desire to eat the piece Taeyong took you away from won over and you brought the cake back out from the fridge, placing it on the table. Your fingers quickly got rid of the box, taking the piece and finally savouring the flavour when you heard a familiar melody. Your jaw moved slower and slower, until you stopped chewing completely, perching your ears up to hear the melody better. 

Instantly realising what the melody was, you stood up, not even bothering to clean up after yourself. Your feet took you to the source of that sound, knowing the path way too well. You stopped at the door, hoping to not disturb Jaehyun. The door was locked not letting you peek at the boy that was playing his keyboard behind the door. 

“Why are you playing this.” you whispered through greeted teeth, leaning against the wall next to the door. You breathed heavily, unconsciously placing your palm over your stomach. Closing your eyes, you tried to calm yourself down, get back to cake and leave to the party. Your brain glitched and you could put your life on it you could hear him sing even though you were damn sure he wasn’t in reality. The lyrics flowed through your head making last cells of sanity leave your brain. You fought with the urgent will to break in and smash the keyboard against the floor for him to stop playing the song. For him to stop messing with your mind like that. Messing with every decision you thought was right. 

*

You met Jaehyun years ago through Taeyong, obviously. He wanted you to meet the guy that he was head over heals for to be friends with, the kindest and funniest guy he ever met as he used to tell you all the time. You were thrilled but worried, for the most part. 

You wouldn’t name yourself a possessive person, or more accurately - you weren’t mature enough to recognise it within your system. You felt a sting in your heart ever since Taeyong got into that entertainment company. You knew being afraid he’d give you up unintentionally for someone else wasn’t healthy to start with, but you dismissed it as lack of human interactions on your side. You weren’t thinking low of Taeyong, you knew he wouldn’t dump you because you weren’t enough of a supportive and understanding friend or weren’t that good enough in general, but because being best friends with someone else that was able to be around you at most times was easier. You knew that and you knew it was only human nature, but previous encounters with your long forgotten friends made cold sweats run down your back and the talk of meeting the Jaehyun guy brought the stinging feeling back to your chest alongside fear. 

You wanted to let him know you knew Taeyong better, you wanted him to know you were better friend to him, than that guy could ever be. You tried your best to even erase his name from your brain, act like you never remembered what Taeyong said, maybe play pretend you didn’t expect a third wheel at your coffee break. Anything, to show that person that this territory is taken by a scary bitch he shouldn’t cross paths with. You planned on your way to meeting them how you’re going to be unaffected and pretentious. The traffic on your way gave even more spare time to spit your inner venom secretly on Taeyong’s new friend, making a very toxic brain cell of yours fixating on the fact he was younger, giving you a feeling you could tap on it. 

Everything you planned out began falling apart the moment you entered the cafe. The guy next to Taeyong looked fine and just that made you go in doubt with your own self. Taeyong waved at you enthusiastically right after his eyes fixated on you, motioning with his other hand in your direction for Jaehyun to see. The brown haired guy waved at you slightly too, smiling, making the dimples on his cheeks more visible as you stepped closer. You gasped and moved your eyes from him. He was nice and probably as sweet as Taeyong had described him. Maybe, even more sweet than Taeyong could ever describe him, your eyes ran over his figure, that was hiding behind the table once again. 

You watched Jaehyun’s long fingers wrap over the glass of iced coffee, catching the straw with his tongue and looked away disappointed once again. There wasn’t a single visible reason to hate him for, and the more time you spent at that cafe, the more it helped you to get even more convinced than before that he was flawless. 

Jaehyun slowly became a part of your life, much like Taeyong has been for the past eternity. He felt like a child that you and Taeyong had to raise, like a step-son you took partial interest in raising. You weren’t much older but the relationship built the maternal way subconsciously on your side and Jaehyun  never fought it. The two of you didn’t turn into the bestest of friends, Jaehyun didn’t become your third best friend expanding your circle. You just accepted his existence and played along whenever you had to interact, and that was that. You kind of went with the ‘keep your enemies close’ tactic and it seemed to work, keeping the biggest threat of your friendship with Taeyong under a microscope. 

And if it seemed to some around that your obsession with Taeyong was hidden under a crush, the two of you knew it was completely not that way. The first year you got in college you got in a relationship with a guy the name of which you liked to not say out loud anymore. It still felt like you did him dirty, like you betrayed him and quietly left, watched the love you had fall apart in pieces and then silently agree to break up. 

Keeping an eye on Jaehyun took so much time you found yourself falling out of love and out of relationship. Your boyfriend felt the switch turn and with that you just parted. Not painfully, you longed for him and felt his absence, but it didn’t last long. Later on you realised that he was one of the things you were used to and when he left you finally understood you were insanely scared to let go of things you were used to. Whether it was a plushy from your childhood, a plate you were given on your 10th birthday all cracked on its sides by now or a boyfriend you found yourself not even loving anymore, just being with him cause you were used to it. 

You were scared of Taeyong having other friends because you were used to being his only real friend. Jaehyun scared you because he was a threat that could push you from your warmed metaphorical seat. A constant in Taeyong’s life, you were scared to lose the title but the title didn’t matter at the end of the day. You were yet to understand that, but the road was paved the day you broke up with that guy. 

Taeyong’s life was changing drastically and the more time you spent apart, you went through constant fear, but every time he came back as attached to you as ever, you realised the fear was unreasonable. He loved you dearly, Taeyong wasn’t about to give you up just because you didn’t see each other for a week, he wouldn’t give your friendship up even if you didn’t see each other for months. He proved it insane amount of times and this too, helped your heart feel at ease. 

Accepting Jaehyun as no threat seemed to change your acceptance of his existence too. Jaehyun’s presence finally didn’t bother you in the way it used to and that alone helped you to understand him better, feel around him freer and maybe, for real this time, treat him like a friend. 

It wasn’t until you got your first job after graduating university, when the relationship between you and Jaehyun took a turn. 

While all your friends kept on sharing their stories of understanding and helpful bosses at their jobs, lovely first months of adaptation and support at work, you had absolutely nothing to add up to that. 

Your boss if not hated the guts of you, was really good at pretending he did so. A month later you snapped, you told him very blatantly that the way he interacted with you wasn’t pleasant in any way you’d look at it, and his constant nagging and pressuring you, even when the papers were utterly flawless, oppresses your mental health drastically. At the end of the day you were a newbie and that’s what’s been told on your resume, that’s what you spoke about at the interview. You were told you’ll be learned everything you might not know of the business, anything you could be struggling with. And, for a fair point, you weren’t even struggling with anything, except for relationship with your boss. 

He listened to you carefully, with no visible emotion on his still young face. For a split second you even thought he’ll consider your words for real, but the thought died quickly, when you saw his welcoming hand to follow him into his office. You stood there like a fool, afraid of speaking up. He took off his jacket and placed it on the backrest of his seat, sitting down and finally raising his eyes up to a standing you. 

“If I knew you’d do your job right, I wouldn’t have to stay until late to check up on everything you did during the day. You’re no special, if you’re thinking I’m giving you some sort of special treatment, your completely wrong. If you want to grow, earn experience, you should stop crying to your boyfriend every time I point out at the mistakes and flaws of your papers and presentations.”

“Mr. Kang, I don’t have a boyf…”

“I don’t care, I heard just enough of your crying over the phone for the past weeks. If you can’t take the job, you should’ve never come here. If you can’t do what you’re asked to do, then I’ll find you another job, good? If you’re weak brain isn’t used to things like that, it’s fine. There’s a job for everyone, you could switch to a coffee lady here.” 

“Mr. Kang, I did nothing wrong.”

“But you seem to struggle, aren’t you?”

“I’m not. I’m doing with my job just fine.” 

“Yeah, just fine and you’re supposed to be doing amazing. Maybe you should focus more on you job?” 

“I am, focused.” your breath hitched and he probably noticed by now that you were catching tears with your fingers. 

“That’s why women like you are so useless.” he sighed disappointed and looked away. You felt like someone threw a bucket of trash over your head, but still feared to move a foot to exit. “You’re free for today. Come back tomorrow either with a resignation paper or will to work. You get me?” you tried to catch your silent cries to finally be able to look at him and talk, but you couldn’t just yet “Jesus, just leave already, I’m not here to watch your ugly crying.” 

You turned around on your heels, running. You ran from his office to your table, taking your bag and leaving the office quicker than you thought was possible. Out of all mean things he said about you, the one resonated the most while you were escaping the building was the one about your ugly crying. You tried to hide your face with your palm even though you knew it wasn’t probably doing anything, all the surprised office workers stared while you ran. Taeyong wasn’t picking his phone up no matter how many times you called, making you pissed off. He probably was consumed in his PC once again, not even finding a second to look at the screen of his phone. You hissed through greeted teeth unpleasant words towards Taeyong after another missed call on his side, catching a taxi with your free hand. With a loud click of your tongue you made up your mind to go to the dorms. He couldn’t be anywhere else. 

When you were set free for the day, it already was half past four, and by the time you got to the dorms the sun was already setting. First aftershocks and a strong feeling of humiliation had passed and by the time you knocked on the door of the apartment, you were so tired you just wanted to fall asleep on Taeyong’s bed to the sound of clicks of his computer mouse. 

“Oh, hi?” a guy you never saw before opened the door. His eyes ran over your body and landed back on your face. “How did you get here?” 

“Excuse me?” you asked confused “I’m Taeyong’s friend, Y/n.”

“Y/n?” the guy seemed to remember your name from somewhere. 

“Yes. Taeyong doesn’t answer my calls, I came here because I need to see him. Can I come in?” 

“Ugh, he’s not home. Are you… are you for real Y/n? Just making sure, because girls come up here sometimes trying to come in under different pretexts.” 

“Do they come up here crying and saying they’re Taeyong’s friends?” 

“No, I’m sorry. I do believe you but he still isn’t home.” They guy looked apologetic and you had no other option than to believe him. 

“The only time I needed him he suddenly fleets from his room.” you mumbled under your breath, turning to run down the stairs without even saying goodbye. 

“I think he’ll be back soon, you could wait for him.” the boy shouted but you already were down one flight of stairs to turn back and come in. 

Instead, you sat down on the bench a couple of meters away from the entrance. Maybe the guy was right, and Taeyong will be home soon, you could just wait here. Or, at least, if he’s not coming back until you’re freezing on this bench to death, you could at least regain a bit of your energy, to be able to take your drained body home. The weird silence of the street and insanely paced train of thoughts in your brain made your heart feel uneasy. You could feel your palms sweat just at the thought of coming back to work tomorrow. You called Taeyong once again, meeting with silence and even higher panic levels. You could almost feel your phone slip out of your clammy hands, dropping it onto the bench to wipe your palms against the pants you wore. 

Being left alone totally, most definitely wasn’t the nicest of things after you were named things you never thought you will be named, after being stomped like that cause of nothing by your boss. You tucked your feet closer to your body, wrapping your arms around, to not let them fall back to the ground. Propping your head on the backrest you looked up to the sky in weak attempts to pass the time. Watch the sky and finally hear Taeyong’s steps getting to the entrance. But he wasn’t anywhere near, and his steps didn’t bother your hearing. It was pretty quiet and the only sound was made by your sobs that suddenly began to increase. You couldn’t sense the moment tears began flooding your ears again, just the feeling of warm trails turn into cold ones as the autumn breeze hit your skin brought you back to your feelings. You just couldn’t understand why people had to be so cruel. You did nothing wrong and injustice of the world only made the tears come out harder. 

“Hey, Y/n, is that you?” you shoot your head to look forward, wiping the stains of tears as quickly as possible, as if it was the only trail of your crying. 

“Ugh, Jaehyun, hi.” you chuckled awkwardly and sat even more back down onto the bench. 

“Are… are you okay?” he asked and his voice kinda broke, still standing far away from you. 

“Yeah, I was just waiting for Taeyong, it’s fine.” you gestured with your hand that you were fine and only then Jaehyun took a step closer to you. 

“Is he not home?”

“Nuh-uh, went somewhere. It’s fine though, I’ll wait for him here, you can go.” you mastered a smile to reassure him but it seemed to not work. Jaehyun placed his body next to yours, resting his back on the backrest of the bench. You held your breath expectant of what he’ll say to you, what he’ll want to know or what he’ll do, but he just sat quietly. You didn’t dare to turn your head and look at him because you most definitely would feel awkward to look at him with your puffy, red from crying face. 

“I know we’re not close, but if you need a shoulder to cry on right now, I won’t hesitate to give you one. You don’t even have to explain to me what’s up. If you don’t want to, we can just quietly wait for Taeyong here.” you took a loud hitched breath as if you were about to speak, but no words came out of your mouth.

“My boss is a bastard.” you could feel Jaehyun’s eyes fix on your back after you spoke, expecting for him to reply back anything, but he was probably allowing for you to say what you found important to share. “He said I should be a coffee lady instead, because I’m useless and not focusing on work enough.” you found yourself crying once again, making all those words come through your body. Jaehyun’s warm palm landed on your back, caressing it in soothing motion. This probably was the first physical contact you have ever had with him, you never even gave hugs to each other when you met, you just waved and it seemed like enough. But this encounter just made you want more of the contact, and not specifically with Jaehyun, but with anyone who would be able to give you a hug and caress your hair until you cry out all the tears that were there. 

“Men like that are probably dissatisfied with their own lifes and are trying to build younger people they have power over the same way.” your head snapped to watch Jaehyun’s face expression. It was emotionless, he looked like he didn’t care and this, weirdly enough, made you calmer. 

“Did you mean it? That you won’t hesitate to give me your shoulder to cry on?” you scanned his face and he nodded, tapping lightly with his fingers on his shoulder next to yours, as if inviting you to it. 

“But why would he say any of that? Out of the blue?” Jaehyun asked carefully, caressing your head, while it rested against his shoulder. Practically your entire body rested against his, with your folded knees falling over his thighs, when you changed your sitting arrangement to get his body under yours. Jaehyun’s other hand held your shoulders, and if someone passed you two by, you looked like two lovers glued to each other. 

“He’s always been like that, but today he was extra picky with everything, when I asked him a single question he snapped and shouted, I told him it distresses me and then he began his rant.”

“Did you cry in front of him?” Jaehyun’s hand stopped moving and you raised your head to look him in the eyes and nodded. “Don’t cry, if he says something next time, he shouldn’t see you weak. He probably feeds off of your crying.” 

“I wasn’t planning on breaking down in front of him anyway, especially now after he called me an ugly cryer as well.” you moved your head down suddenly feeling self conscious of looking at Jaehyun this close. You wiped your falling tear with your fingers, wrapping your hands around your body. 

“Hey…” Jaehyun sighed to catch your attention and raise your head back to look at him, but you ignored his little hail. Jaehyun’s fingers moved from your head onto your cheek, they moved slowly, ever so lightly, your skin almost not being able to feel them, but how could you not, when his motions suddenly became too intimate for your sanity. Jaehyun’s fingers laid atop of your jaw, while his thumb drew tiny circles over your cheek. You couldn’t catch if he was being, actually, affectionate, or if your tired brain took a friendly gesture elsewhere. “Will you not look at me?” he chuckled when you, trying to work out what was going on, took too long. “I will kiss you without your consent if you won’t raise your eyes at me.” your eyes quickly found Jaehyun’s to see if he was joking, and he seemed to be not. “I should’ve said that I like you before I said this thing about the kiss, right?” he chuckled and moved his head as if disapproving of his own self. 

“Are you saying this just because I told you my boss called me ugly?” 

“No… but kinda yes, I mean…” He rumbled and you found it cute. He seemed nervous and this at least hinted that he was honest. “I kind of wanted to protest and say that you’re insanely beautiful, but this probably would sound weird and I thought I should tell you first that…” Jaehyun’s fingers stopped moving, his brain being too preoccupied with turning words into sentences. 

“Maybe you should’ve kissed me without explaining it much.” you interrupted him, trying to hide a smile that shone over your lips with a smirk. 

“But can I?” his eyes got wider as if he didn’t expect this kind of reply from you. You raised one of your hands that’s been laying over your stomach for too long now, quietly hooking it over Jaehyun’s neck as a call to action. 

“You can.” you whispered in reply, when Jaehyun’s head moved towards yours. You closed your eyes when you could feel Jaehyun press his lips against yours, and you kissed him back - deeply and slowly. Your other hand was gripping onto Jaehyun’s cheek to pull his mouth closer to yours, pin his body against yours more. His tongue found yours and suddenly you found yourself craving for way much more than what he asked for. Asking him to sleep with you would probably scare him away, if you were him, you’d think that you wanted to put the stress and frustration away with sex, and you didn’t want him to think that. You didn’t want him to do anything that would make him dislike you, suddenly the fleeting feeling of finding him attractive ran through your stomach. You pulled back first and wiped the lipstick stains off his lips. Jaehyun watched you silently, catching your fingers with his, when you wanted to drop your hand back onto your lap, and hooked it over his neck once again. 

“And can I kiss you once more?” his whisper landed on your lips, not asking for any answer, as his lips covered yours. 

*

This, was a terribly bad idea. When the guy at the dorm said Taeyong wasn’t home, you should’ve caught a taxi and get back home. This, didn’t seem like a good thing, more, like a start of something wrong, you thought to yourself, when you sat at the office next week, still in doubt if you should tell Taeyong what happened or not. 

“My dear miss Y/n.” you heard a familiar voice from above of your cubicle, raising your head to see Mr. Kang. “Not enough tasks to keep you occupied for the whole day? I’d rather you check up on those papers you give to your seniors, than stare blankly into the screen of your computer. You know, it’s not that much I’m asking of your little brain.” 

“Mr. Kang, of course, I’ll check my papers carefully before giving them to you.” you bowed in your seat and put on a smile, wishing for him to go. As if he read your thoughts, your boss turned around noiselessly and began walking away. 

“You better are, bitch.” you swore to god you heard him mumble, gasping and standing up in your seat. The loud noise of the wheels moving probably made it sound as if you fell off your stool and he turned around. “Y/n? What’s wrong?” he looked at you expressionless for a split second making you believe you were hallucinating. 

“Did you…” you wanted to ask directly if he called you a bitch, but this probably would attract even more attention of your co-workers. “Did you say, anything, sir? I think I might’ve not heard you correctly.” 

“Oh, miss Y/n, I didn’t, you might be starting hearing things. I guess, the stress is really getting the best of you.” he pursed his lips, and turned on heels, raising eyebrows and left. 

*

 Your eyes were running between windows on the building you stood in front of. You doubted and shifted from one foot to other, looking at the screen of your phone and then hiding it back in your pocket. 

You were distressed. Distressed because you were sure your boss called you a bitch but you had nothing on you to prove it. Distressed, because there wasn’t a single evening since the day Jaehyun kissed you, that you haven’t thought of him. You haven’t talked to him, either, but this, wasn’t that much of a surprise to you. You’d feel more pressured if he suddenly began texting you non-stop, pressing and invading your inner peace. You two probably needed to talk everything out somehow, but the nature of your relationship didn’t really give you a chance to do so.

You said ‘fuck it’ and brought your phone back out. Your fingers quickly found Jaehyun’s name in the phone book, running your eyes through the dead chat for the 100th time for the past 10 minutes. The last message there was from two months ago. You asked Jaehyun, if Taeyong was at home, and his simple ‘idk’ was the very end of your conversation. 

to:Jaehyun 

“are you home?”

You hit send and regretted it immediately. He probably won’t see the message now and will text you hours later when you’ll be already home. It’ll only make things more awkward in the future, when you’ll have to tell him something, anything. You should’ve called and asked him over the call, but now calling and texting would make you look desperate for his attention, and you hated to seem desperate. You swore under your breath and turned to walk away, when your phone vibrated. 

from:Jaehyun 

“yeah” 

to: Jaehyun

“d’you think you could come outside?”

from: Jaehyun 

“give me a minute” 

You read the notification, locking your phone and focusing your vision on the entrance. You felt your heart beat in your ears and you hoped  it’ll stop before Jaehyun shows up in front of you or you might pass out. Soon enough, a figure was visible through a glass door, not even guessing, you knew it was Jaehyun. When his eyes were able to spot you and his hand reached out for the door, you walked in his direction. More likely you stormed in his direction, stopping on your tracks, when he was a couple of steps away. 

“Did something happen?” he looked at you confused. 

“Yeah.” you nodded and raised your arms to wrap over his shoulders, forcing Jaehyun to bend his back to get his face closer to you. “And only you can make me feel better.” his eyes watched your lips move and when you stopped talking, he let you move his face even closer and lock your lips. Jaehyun’s fingers gripped your waist, keeping you in place, and you weren’t really sure now who was taking over the kiss. You found your hands over Jaehyun’s cheeks, when he pushed you away slightly, pecking your lips to let you breathe. 

“Do you want to tell me what happened?” his grip on your waist loosened, making you wish he gave you a hug. You nodded and Jaehyun let you go, initiating a walk near their dorm. 

*

to: Jaehyun

“do you think, we could see each other?”

You texted Jaehyun nonchalantly. Your messaging history with him seemed to get more active than before, since the last time you asked him to come out wasn’t more than a week ago.

You stared at your phone, biting onto your lip. It was midday, he probably was asleep, at least, that’s when Taeyong usually was barely awake and you guessed that’s what everyone at their dorm did.

 You might’ve cried through the whole night after leaving work around midnight last night, after one more ugly rant of your boss, but you were not planning to admit that to anyone. You took a sick leave and didn’t want to give any fucks about what would he think of your sudden sickness. You wanted to see Jaehyun and get his help on releasing your stress, and maybe, most likely, you wanted him to do more than just kiss you, and lack of reply on his side made you more frustrated than you would like it to. 

from: Jaehyun

“it’s alarming, you know that?” he texted you back later on. 

to: Jaehyun

“wdym”

from: Jaehyun 

“stress levels at your work are alarming.” you chuckled at his reply, biting onto your lower lip to think of reply. 

“we can, though.”

“I’m out of the dorm, so just tell me where you’d like to meet.” 

to: Jaehyun 

“think you could come up to mine like now?” 

from: Jaehyun

“I thought you’re at the office” 

to: Jaehyun 

“I took a sick leave”

“I got sick and tired thinking of you and not being able to have you by my side.” you re-wrote the message 10 times, making your insides do a flip. This, kinda took you somewhere else, somewhere where you weren’t just asking Jaehyun for kisses to release stress. 

from: Jaehyun 

“okay”

“your address?” his response seemed too dry for your own liking and you hated yourself internally for letting him know you were thinking of him like that. 

You sent the address and dropped the phone onto the couch. He should’ve replied differently, and the thought sat in your brain until you heard another notification. 

“by the way, I got sick and tired thinking of you and not being able to have you by my side months ago.” he sent and you froze. You kind of erased his sudden confession out of your brain, not because you didn’t take it into account, but because Taeyong still had no clue about all this, and because kissing for a couple of times in a grown up world wasn’t meant to mean much, right? 

It didn’t mean to mean much, but it did for Jaehyun already, and maybe, probably did for you too.

You felt heaviness in your chest while you waited for him to come. You knew that it was there because you wanted to feel his lips on yours, run your fingers through his hair, feel his fingers on your cheek. Your breath hitched when he pressed on the door bell and you ran, but then paused before the door to not seem like you were desperate, once again. You gave yourself a promise to keep yourself collected and pushed the door open. Jaehyun stood there in a black jean jacket, with his fringe tucked behind a black cap. His hands were in his pockets, scanning your figure that was still wearing pyjamas. 

“Hi.” You smiled and walked to the side, inviting him to come. “We don’t really greet each other, do we?” you chuckled and watched him undo his converse. 

“Yeah.” he nodded and stood back up, looking around. “Hi.” Jaehyun took off his jacket, revealing to you that he’s wearing a black t-shirt, and held it in his hands, before you reached out and hung it by the door. Jaehyun stood quietly and watched your every motion. Suddenly you realised that maybe kissing was your own very special way of killing the awkwardness of being one on one and you should’ve not held back and just kissed him. “Something happened, right?” you looked at the floor, being ashamed of the whole idea of calling him over in the first place. “I mean, we don’t really talk to each other if it’s not you willing to release stress through kissing.” your body felt heat at the hint in Jaehyun’s voice that you were using him. You knew it more than he did, he didn’t need to hint it to you. You used him because you were afraid to admit you liked your best friends friend, and you used him because he was the one who allowed all of it. He was the one who kissed you first. 

You slowly walked towards him, still not being able to look Jaehyun in the eyes. Stretching your arms towards his, you forced him to hug your waist and he locked his arms around you tightly, closing the space left between your bodies in a second. Your fingers slowly crawled up his chest and he let you kiss him, deeply as ever. He bit your lip and a moan escaped your throat, when Jaehyun’s fingers dug into your side. 

“I want to lie down, let’s go to my bedroom.” you whispered in his mouth and he agreed quickly, allowing for you to take the lead. You sat down with your back to your headboard and Jaehyun sat facing you. Your fingers strolled up his thighs until they got way too close to his centre and you moved them back onto his shoulders, so you could support yourself getting your body on top of one of his thighs. Jaehyun’s hand held your faces close to each other, and when you tried to reach out for him first, his lips caught you midway and crashed against yours. He roughly pressed your body against your headboard by your shoulder and you whimpered. Did he plan on taking this somewhere else too? You guessed he did, if what he said about wanting you was true. You slid fingers down his stomach and there’s a small clashing of tongues because he’s startled. His body stiffened and whatever he focused on, helped you to take full reign of the kiss. You stuck your tongue out, letting a trail of saliva still connect you as he moved his head back. Your fingers moved past the band of his jeans and you squeezed his member through thin material of the skinny’s. He gasped and you moved your lips to the column of his neck, squeezing his member rhythmically.

Jaehyun seemed to recollect himself, grabbing onto your hand and pushing it away. “So this, is how things are going to go?” you thought if he meant to ask if you really were implying on sex or not and chuckled. 

“If you have any preferences I’ll gladly take them into account.” you chuckled and tried to move his face closer to yours. 

“I didn’t mean this. I’m asking, if this is how we’re going to be, me and you. If the only connection we’re going to have is when you need me to release your stress. Starting with kisses, now sex. I kissed you because I was dying to. We kissed once more and I thought this will change you towards me but now I just cant shake the feeling off that I’m being used.”

“Speak to Taeyong.” you simply stated. 

“About us?” he asked after thinking of what you said. 

“Yes. Tell him.”

“And if he’s fine with us, what’s then?”

“Then, just love me.” you chuckled at him and leaned in to peck his lips. “I’m already thinking of you all the time, so you don’t have to worry I won’t love you back.” Jaehyun watched your face expressions change. “I hate confessions, why are you keeping quite for so long.” you chuckled and hid your face on his chest, feeling Jaehyun’s hands wrap around your body and making the two of you fall down on the bed. “Can you stay? For a while, or will you go back to talk to Taeyong?” you raised your head and looked him in the eyes, running your thumb over Jaehyun’s lower lip. 

“I’ll tell him later, okay?” you smiled happily and kissed his lips. “You’re obliged to go on a date with me now, by the way.” 

*

“What’s up?” Jaehyun picked up quickly your call “Oh, baby.” he gasped immediately after hearing your sob through the phone. 

“I’m fine.” you said as you wiped tears off your cheeks “I just called to say I won’t be able to see you before you leave. I’m probably staying at work till midnight.” 

“Please.” he sighed into the phone and you couldn’t pick up if he was mad because you couldn’t say goodbye properly. “I’ll come to your office.” 

“What? No, no. They could recognise you, Jaehyun.” 

“I’ll wait for you outside the building. I’ll be there in 40 minutes, okay? Will you be able to come down?” 

“I will no matter what.”

“Good.” he smiled as he spoke and you could hear it through the phone. “I can’t wait to see you.” 

“I, too.” you breathed into the phone loudly trying to calm down when Jaehyun hung up. Being at the office was shitty either way you looked at it and you walked outside way before the meeting time, sitting on the bench with no backrest, and hating every person who thought placing such benches was a good thing to do. 

You spotted Jaehyun’s figure out of the car immediately, his long legs, highlighted with skinny black jeans he used to wear all the time back then, ran towards the building. A cap was sitting deep on his head, running so no one could see his face. He raised it only when he reached you and you almost gasped at how teenagely innocent he looked for his age. Months later, introducing Jaehyun to your parents, your mom asked awkwardly if Jaehyun was of age and you would never forget how hardly you laughed at that question. 

“My ugly crier.” he cooed whispering, for you only to hear and squatted before your sitting figure, cupping your cheek as he sat down. You smiled but felt like crying again. Not because of the nickname, but because Jaehyun was about to leave the city for a little while, because even though the nickname ‘ugly crier’ was filled on his side with affection and humour, you knew he called you that, because no matter how many times he begged you to quit the job that made you cry, you protested. He put his own frustration in that nickname and you understood that and never held it back against him. “Why is he keeping you hostage?” Jaehyun’s hand laid on your neck and you almost slid from the bench to your knees on the ground to be on the same level as he. 

“Because I asked if I could leave 30 minutes early.” 

“Fucking ba-“ 

“Jaehyun-ah.” you placed your palm over his lips.

“I can’t ask you to quit this shitty place anymore” he sighed even more distressed than you are. You knew this gave him so much stress too that he couldn’t deal with atop of dealing with his own work problems. “Baby, I beg you. For me, for us, if you don’t want to do this for your own peace of mind, do it for mine. If you’ll quit, I’ll do everything in my power to take you with us on tour. We’ll get to travel the US, together. Please? I don’t want you to stay here, crying on your own when neither i or Taeyong can be around. Please, Y/n. I can’t leave you in this state.”

“And how are you imagine this? Where am I going to get money, if I’m going to mindlessly travel the US for a couple of months? Who’s going to pay my rent?” 

“I’ll work this all out, I promise. You’ll find a better job once we’ll be back. God knows what will happen next year. Maybe we’ll have even less time together than now. I would never ask you to drop your career for me but this place is ruining your nervous system. We’ll take this as a break, okay?” you nodded without even resisting him for a second. “You agree?” Jaehyun asked confused. “After all those months of asking you just agree with me in a minute?” he chuckled amazed. 

“You should’ve just begged earlier.” you smirked at him and Jaehyun gasped, pulling your head closer for a kiss. Your head collided with his cap, forcing for it to fall back onto the ground. You chuckled through the kiss and let go of him so he could put it back on. “And what if they’ll not allow for me to tag along?” 

“I’ll pay for your stay.” he said immediately, making you chuckle at his little, or not so little, flex. 

You felt like that year was indeed the best year of your life. You knew that quitting that job would be a pleasure, but quitting the job and getting a chance to travel with your boyfriend and best friend at the same time felt ecstatic. You felt happy and free, free of any duties and responsibilities, enjoyed your life and hadn’t had a single thought about what awaited for you back home. 

Taeyong beat into your head that being financially dependent on your boyfriend is not a crime and you are allowed to do it, especially when the boyfriend wanted to do it for you and when he did it willingly for you. At the end of the day you knew, that once you’re back home you’re looking for a job no matter what. 

But pandemic hit little before you could finally find it, and the company put hiring on pause, and you found yourself locked up in one room with Jaehyun for way too many days in a row. 

Pandemic hit and you found yourself cling onto Jaehyun way more than you wanted yourself to, and it wasn’t even about finance. This was an emotional cling, to an extent where you called him crying, when he had to leave you completely alone for two weeks cause of quarantine. 

“Jaehyun-ah.” 

“You’re breaking my heart every time you cry.” his eyes visibly saddened at the picture he saw on his screen. 

“I love you.” 

“Baby, I do love you too. When I’m allowed to, I’m running back to you.” 

“But I need you now. Can’t I sneak in? I’ll spends those two weeks with you, I have nothing to do if you’re not around.”

“I love you and I love how attached you are to me, but I think we should be able to go through a quarantine without tears, okay?” you nodded and blinked at him. 

“You attached me to yourself completely and now you’re saying that I should be able to go through this without tears. How am I going to do that?” 

“What are my options? I have to calm you down.” he smiled lovingly and you looked away for your own good.  

“I hate you.” you sighed into the phone and dropped your head on the pillow. “Maybe I should’ve stayed on that job.”

“Don’t overthink this. It’s already been over a year.”

“Yeah, a year.” you showed your face back on the phone. “My happiest year.” 

“Mine, too. It’s not like I’m not attached to you, too, it’s not like I’m not dying to be right next to you too, you know that.”

“Maybe we’re too codependent?” you asked and Jaehyun shook his head a no. 

“We’re just deeply in love. If the feeling goes away I guess we’re going to get into routine.”

“But I can’t breathe if you’re not around.”

“Then this will be a great opportunity for the both of us to lay back a little.”

You agreed on laying back, agreed that maybe personal space was still a thing even when you were in a relationship. 

*

“Have you two considered moving together? Since you know, Jungwoo is at the dorm all the time and stuff.” Taeyong sat across you and Jaehyun, looking more like an investigator than a friend. 

“Have we?“ Jaehyun’s eyes scanned your face expression with a little smile.

“No, and we won’t.” you shook your head and dropped your back against the seat. 

“No, my little angels are in a fight?” Taeyong widened his already big eyes. 

“Not in one that I’m aware of…?” Jaehyun ran his eyes around confused and moved his hand onto your thigh, that you gladly covered with your palm. Taeyong’s phone rang and he jumped up.

“Oh, Baekhyun hyung is waiting for me on the server, I’m sorry.” you could only see the back of his head disappear before you could reply. 

“Did I upset you somehow?” Jaehyun flexed his fingers under your hold. 

“I wonder how you could do that.” you smiled at him and scrunched your nose, smooching his cheek with a loud sound. 

“Then it’s just a matter of principles?” 

“You never said before you wanted to live with me.” 

“I thought it’s an obvious next step in our relationship. We kind of been together for a while.” Jaehyun watched how you bent his fingers one by one back and forth. 

“You might need a reality check, baby.” you chuckled and finally looked back at him, biting your lower lip. 

“Huh?”

“Did you by any chance forget what you’re doing for a living?” 

“I didn’t-“

“Then why are we even talking about this?” you smiled with the smile you knew he hated so much. Getting on his nerves wasn’t something you wanted to do. 

“Should we talk about this?” 

“I maybe should go home.” Jaehyun’s gaze changed and you knew you hurt him. You stood up and walked over his stool, hugging his shoulders from the back. “I know you have a schedule tomorrow.” you pecked his cheek once again. 

“I don’t fucking care about the schedule when you’re acting like you’re my mom and I’m a clueless child.” Jaehyun grabbed your wrist and pushed you softly off his back, holding on to the stool with his other hand and turning around to face you ”Well, yeah, I am clueless why you said that we won’t consider moving in, but I’m not a child and you can talk to me if there’s something in between us that I didn’t notice.” 

“I don’t want to be like this.” you pouted and ran your finger over his shoulder. 

“Like what?” he caught your finger and held onto your palm. 

“I don’t want to live like I stand a chance…” you looked at Jaehyun’s face for a split second, catching his focused gaze on you, chewing onto his lower lip nervously. “Like I stand a chance against your job.” Jaehyun gasped loudly when you finished your sentence. 

“You know that I won’t put you-“ 

“I know, Jaehyun, I know, but I don’t want you to be like this. Once everything gets back to normal, you’re going to start travelling again, be even more busy. I’m not going to follow every one of your steps, it’s wrong. It’s like I don’t have a personality and once you’ll feel like it too we’ll fall apart. It’s inevitable, it’ll happen sooner or later anyway. If we’re moving in together I’m going to come into that place and cry, cry every time I’ll come back home and will realise that you’re not coming back too, because you’re in Tokyo or in Los Angeles, or somewhere else, I don’t know where else you could be going. It’ll be painful and I don’t want to be in any more pain than this. I already am in enough pain every time I realise we are not forever.” your fingers subconsciously squeezed Jaehyun’s. 

“No.” 

“I never said this because I knew you won’t like this reality, I don’t like it too.” 

“No.” he stood up, towering in front of you. His hand let go of yours, taking your face into his arms instead. He stood closer, not giving you a chance to look away, letting you sink in the pained look on his face. 

You swore on your own self for replying that way to Taeyong, it wasn’t really the time to have a reality check. You couldn’t remember the time you fought with Jaehyun last, usually you’d be on Cloud 9 in his presence and only get the saddening thoughts while being left alone and by the time Jaehyun was around you again, you’d get so overwhelmed there wasn’t a chance for you to feel anything except for flapping of butterflies inside of your stomach. “You’re not right and I am sure of it.” he began talking fiercely, quickly changing the manner by the end of the sentence. “Why you never told me you were hurting?” his thumb made soothing motions over your cheek. 

“Because when you’re here it’s all good, Jaehyun.” you crawled your hands onto his waist and pulled yourself closer to his warm body. “Now it’s going to be all good too.” You whispered almost into his lips, allowing for him to do that last move of his neck to lay his lips atop of yours. 

“I want a family with you.” he didn’t even kiss you properly before the words left his mouth. “Not now, in the future. We could work it all out, I know it’s not something I can do - being with you all the time right now, but at least I could try. I want to try being with you even if it seems like I can’t.”

“Not now because you know deep down you can’t drop everything?” you smirked, not in a cruel way, just as a statement of a fact. 

“Maybe that too…” he sighed. 

“I love you.” you blabbered when his words died. “That’s why I would never want you to drop the job that’s making you happy. That’s why being a family is not an option now or five years later. Maybe I’m weak or maybe I’m selfish? Or maybe you are selfish for asking me to suffer.”

“Don’t call being with me suffering, I love you.” 

“I know you do, but… I guess I never realised in what fucked up thing I got myself, and I couldn’t realise for a very long time. And now I’m left with hating you and loving you at the same time.”

“So you do for real hate me?” Jaehyun looked concerned. You couldn’t work out if he took your words seriously or not.

“Only a little, when you’re purposefully taking too long on making me cum.” you said loudly to put an end to that ongoing conversation. 

“What are you saying.” Jaehyun’s shy smile brought his dimples out and your heart finally began beating again, making that bad aftertaste of the previous conversation hide away. 

“Are your ears turning pink?” you chuckled and raised your arm to touch them. “They’re totally pink and warm.” you chuckled at him, feeling him drag you to his room. “I didn’t know you were shy of me.” 

“Yuta is behind that door.” he hissed and pointed at the door that was a meter away from you two. You widened your eyes and now full on laughed. “Are you possessed or something?” he kept on hissing, dragging you to his room. 

“I’m sure he heard me moan your name before.” Jaehyun’s hands finally opened the door, and he quickly locked it behind him, pushing you onto his chest. You gladly hugged his neck, when his lips suddenly began hungrily kissing yours. “He might as well hear me moan now.” you mumbled as Jaehyun’s hand traveled down your back, squeezing your butt.

“Shut up.” his lips moved onto your jaw, leaving a trail of open mouthed kisses down to the column of your neck. 

“Usually you ask for moans instead.” 

“Oh god.” he gasped annoyed, making his tongue lick through your collarbone afterwards. You whimpered and Jaehyun’s head raised up to look at you. 

“What?” you chuckled and pulled him in by his hair. 

“I can’t promise that I’ll drop my job for you. I know you wouldn’t believe me, I wouldn’t believe myself either, because it is most likely a lie. And I do realise you wouldn’t ask for that in the first place.” you nodded, caressing his cheeks. “But I’m going to ask you to give me time. Because I know with time everything I want with you is going to be more possible.” 

“Why are you so sure of it?” you shook your head in disbelief and chuckled. 

“I know my seniors and I know their secrets.” he said too seriously. 

“I trust you.” you smiled and tried your best to really trust him. Trust him that all the love you poured out won’t just go to waste one day.

*

“Fuck. Fuck. Taeyong I’m FUCKED.” you cried into the phone. 

“What?” he was confused but didn’t pay too much attention to your cries. Once in a while you called him with something similar regarding your newly found job, but you usually didn’t act that dramatic for him to get too used to it. 

“I can’t talk over the phone.”

“You committed a crime and want me to help you cover it?” he joked lamely. 

“Get up and come to the cafe we were at last week.” 

“The one where you threw up in the bathroom?” he giggled into the phone but heard no laugh in reply.  “Okay, it’s not that funny, I’m sorry.” 

“Will you come or not?” you sighed tiredly, hearing Taeyong pause his game. 

“Of course I will. When?”

“Now. I’m going to leave now.”

“Okay, but everything’s fine, right? Nothing too serious I should worry about?” he suddenly spoke quieter and slower. 

“I don’t know but nothing to be worried about for you for sure.” you hung up before he could say something back and left your place. The cafe was actually quiet far to walk to, but knowing that it’ll take a while for Taeyong to get there you just kept on walking. 

“What happened? I literally ran out in my pyjamas.” Taeyong plopped on the couch and breathed heavily. 

“Don’t shout at me, okay?” 

“You cheated on Jaehyun?”

“What?” you cackled shocked but then suddenly thought that maybe it could’ve been a better problem. 

“Thank god it’s not this.” he sighed relieved and dropped back onto the backrest.

“So you think I’m a cheating type of person?” You raised your eyebrows at Taeyong.  

“No, I don’t think that. I just thought it because you wanted to tell me and not him. Go on, tell me what happened?” 

You paused for a minute or, actually, maybe two, watching him take your glass of water to drink. You didn’t actually want him to choke, but he was being slow and you couldn’t keep your hand behind the table anymore so you just dropped it in front of him. “What? What are you trying to show me? That’s a proposal ring?” he pointed at your finger, even though it was a different hand. He gulped again, and you just moved your hand away and then he spat and attracted everyone’s attention to your table. Excusing himself multiple times at everyone who stared, he shifted his eyes blankly from you to the table in turns. “Does he know?”

“No.”

“Why?”

“I just found out.” 

“Then it probably most likely is wrong?” Taeyong asked hopefully and lit up. “Take another one?” he watched you reach for your bag and hide your hand in it, roughly dropping a ridiculous amount of pregnancy tests onto the table. To be exact, 13. He mouthed an O. 

“Is that enough to be sure?” 

“Why did you take so many?” 

“Because I ordered one, but then two more because this one could’ve been wrong, and then I thought that if these two are the same I need a third one for reassurance. Then I thought that this brand sucked and I ordered a different one, but then this one was also positive so I went to the grocery store around the corner and bought everything they had.”

“Oh my god.” Taeyong simply stated. 

“E-fucking-xactly.” you were ready to hit your head on the table, but this would probably attract curious eyes you didn’t need. 

“You know, all of these could still be wrong… like, something’s in your urine or something.”

“I booked an appointment for tomorrow. Will you come with me?” you reached out your hand to hold onto Taeyong’s wrist. 

“Isn’t it better for Jaehyun to…?”

“I won’t tell him.” you shook your head vigorously and held onto Taeyong tighter. 

“Ugh… why?”

“He’s going to do stupid things.” 

“Things like what?” 

“Things like preparing himself to being a dad.”

“And what’s stupid about it?” 

“Hey, look. You’re my best friend.”

“Yeah?”

“And you’re Jaehyun’s friend too.”

“I don’t catch it.” 

 “Besides that, you two kinda work together. Think of it as a leader, not our friend.” he finally seemed to understand. 

“You know that these two things are not really related.” 

“He’s not dumb but he is at the same time capable of dumb things.”

“Elaborate.” Taeyong shifted in his seat. 

“I’m just afraid he’ll quit or do some dumb shit that will ruin his life.” 

“He could really do that.” Taeyong shook his head probably imagining. “But he’ll have to know at one point? I mean, he’ll notice.”

“Not if I’m not carrying on the pregnancy.” 

“No.”

“Taeyong-“

“If you’re doing that, I’m telling him.”

“What would be the point if it’s done?” 

“Wait, what? I’m confused. Did you do it already?”

“No, I won’t tell you now, even if I will.” you gathered the test and threw them into your bag “If Jaehyun never finds out about this, you’ll be the one thankful.”

“I’m not sure my job is winning over the fact my best friend wants to kill her baby.” 

“If I’ll do it I’ll do it only for him.” you stated and Taeyong sat deeper in his seat, thinking. 

“How did that even happen?” he asked suddenly meeting your annoyed gaze. “No, I didn’t mean physically, I mean how did that happen, like you two don’t use protection or what.” 

“I hate this conversation.”

“We’ll you gotta tell me since it’s already started.”

“I think it’s because of that time I forgot to take the pill in the morning and only took it before bed. I heard this can lower the levels of protection, but I didn’t think it’ll literally happen like that.” you dropped your forehead on your arms that were laying over the table. 

“At least now we know why you threw up.” Taeyong stated and ruffled your hair. “Note taken though, never do it raw.” he cackled loving his own joke. 

“First, find yourself someone who’d do it with you at all.” you bit making Taeyong even more amused. 

“Too offensive with the person that will go to the doctor with you AND keep his mouth shut before you tell him.”

“I should’ve just kept it all to myself.” you cried into your arms. 

*

“So… I guess now we can totally say that you are, in fact, pregnant?” Taeyong watched you put the papers away. 

“Yeah, except for the fact we’re not saying this to anyone.” you tried to not seem too burdened or upset. “And I mean it, Taeyong.” you threatened him with a finger. 

“Since I’m the one you granted this secret to, I feel like we need to talk everything through.” 

“Can you drive?” you tried your best to ignore him. Ignoring Taeyong was always your favourite option. 

“Yeah, sure.” you walked over your car to plop your body on the passenger seat. “You’re not feeling well?” he asked, sitting his body next to yours.” 

“I’m feeling like shit.” you snapped and dropped your hands in front of you, hiding your face in them. 

“Fuck, Y/n.” Taeyong gasped and undid the seatbelt he just put on. “It’s fine.” you felt his hand get onto your back, caressing it. “People get pregnant all the time.” 

“Yeah, they get that when they want it.” 

“It’s not true. People get pregnant when they don’t have money, and they don’t want it in general. Or when they think it’s going to ruin their life. It’s the shock, you should tell Jaehyun. He’ll give you emotional support I can’t.”

“He’ll be shocked too and then what?” you raised your head to see Taeyong.

“Okay. Let’s go from the other way around. Do you want this baby ? Do you not want it because you don’t want to mess Jaehyun’s life or because you don’t want babies in general?” 

“Because of Jaehyun.” 

“Okay, then you have to tell him and see what he has to say? What if he’s like ‘yeah, get rid of that, it’s not the time’?” you widened your eyes at Taeyong. “Well in a nicer form, obviously.”

“It’s like you don’t know that he wont say anything like that in million years.”

“If he ever finds out you had an abortion he’s going to go mad and if you’ll come to him and say that you’re pregnant but now is not the time, he’ll understand you because he loves you.” Taeyong watched your eyes expectantly but you just couldn’t form words into something reasonable. 

“Please drive me home.” you dropped your back onto the seat. 

“Okay but please think this through.”

“Yeah.” you nodded your head and extended an arm towards Taeyong. He quickly caught it with his and squeezed it. 

“I won’t tell him, I promise.” his hand pulled yours to his chest and then let go. 

*

to: Taeyong

“I think I know what I’ll do.”

“please, don’t judge.” you quickly sent the other message. 

You have thought things through, you wanted for Taeyong to know everything first. 

from: Taeyong 

“you’ll text or want to meet?”

“I actually want to see you.“

“come over”

“I’m home.”

to: Taeyong 

“k”

When you got to Taeyong’s room, you found him play his beloved computer rolling your eyes unamused. 

“When you said you wanted to see me I thought you’d at least get your butt up to open the door.”

“You know the c-. Oh, right. It changed, I’m sorry.” he pouted, standing up to get closer to you. “Who opened the door?”

“Ugh…Hae…?”

“…chan?”

“Yeah, probably, the tall one.”

“That’s Johnny.”

“I’m sorry.” you looked around awkwardly and sat down. 

“How many years has it been?” he shook his head disapprovingly. “I’m giving you an excursion to meet everyone after you tell me when we’re telling Jaehyun about the baby.” 

“Yeah, that’s the thing.”

“What?”

“I’m not telling him and you’re not allowed to fight with me about it.” you added the second part seeing Taeyong open his mouth.  

“Okay? Then just tell me the reason.” 

“I saw him yesterday, we were hanging out and then we kinda… and I said that I forgot to take the pill, and that we can’t…” You paused awkwardly. “I said that if we’re going to do anything, I might get pregnant and he said that it’s not a problem. I was like ‘stop joking’, because I most definitely felt amusement in his voice and said that yeah we can do it but then we’ll have to do something about it, you know, if something happens.” you shivered remembering his face expression afterwards. “He then suddenly turned serious and said that if I’m somehow some day getting pregnant we’ll adjust to that and that’s that and then he just went quiet after he said ‘imagine, if you’d kill our baby?’” 

“Yeah…” Taeyong nodded, somewhere in his thoughts. 

“I just can’t tell him, It’ll hurt him too much.”

“So you’re just going to do it quietly?” his loud sigh filled the room. “I’ll support you, of course. But I kind of got used to the thought we’re having a baby.”

“I can’t do that either…” 

“Huh?” Taeyong’s head lifted quickly to look at you. 

“I’m keeping the baby.” 

“Oh my god, deep down I knew you would never do that to your relationship but when you took too long to decide I kind of started doubting.” 

“I really can’t, I just imagined and I can’t. It’s not the time to have the baby, but it’s definitely not something I can do. At the end of the day, it is a child from someone I love. It’s Jaehyun’s baby.” 

“Exactly.” He nodded vigorously. 

“It’ll be difficult at first, especially if the baby’s going to resemble him so much, but I’ll get used to that.”

“What do you mean?”

“I’m going to break up with Jaehyun.” Taeyong’s eye twitched, grimacing on his face a smile that turned in confusion. 

“What the-“

“I can’t ruin his life.”

“And what will you tell him when he’ll see you walking around with a child that’s probably gonna be his copy.”

“If that ever happens, it’s going to be none of his business by the time the baby walks.”

“So you’re just going to come up to him today and go ‘let’s break up’?” Taeyong seemed sceptical about every word that left your mouth. “You are willingly making yourself a single parent?”

“I haven’t thought about how I’m going to break up with him or when, but I’ll do it.”

“Just so you know, you’re fucking crazy.”

“Thanks.”

“You’re going to break a perfectly fine relationship because you don’t want to ‘ruin’” Taeyong drew brackets in the air “his career and life? Too much self sacrifice over nothing. I could tell him, you know? As if you’re scared to upset him, I’ll tell him because I worry? He’ll come up with something and then you’ll figure it out together. I’ll be the one to blame over a problem.”

“No, it’s not needed. I’ll tell him, I can do that.” 

*

You tossed and turned in your bed through the night, felt your leg shake under the table in rhythm with some melody in your head every day you went to work. Your teeth always bit onto your lip and the way your eye twitched from time to time made it too obvious you were a ball of nerves. You had your obvious reason, but the more you postponed fulfilling what you had planned, the more it felt wrong. And no, it wasn’t the decision that felt wrong, it was the fact you let your casual relationship with Jaehyun while keeping in your mind that you had to break up with him. The thought made you sick, even so more it made you sick because this technically was all a lie. 

“I wish we could’ve went out somewhere to eat.” he sighed as his body dropped onto the floor next to you. You helped him free food boxes he brought out of the bags. 

“It’s fine, I’m tired anyway after the walk.” you took a quick glance at his focused gazed to hopefully stay unnoticed, but his eyes met yours anyway, leaning in quickly for a peck on the corner of your lips. “Good thing Jungwoo’s not home.” you noted awkwardly and thought how breaking up in front of Jungwoo would be awkward indeed. 

“He’s staying over at his parents for two nights.” 

“Did you make him leave?” you chuckled. 

“No, he wanted to go back home before the comeback.”

“Oh, when is that?” 

“On Friday.” 

“This very Friday?”

“Yeah, I told you, remember?” 

“Yeah, I’m just surprised the time passed quickly.” you could already feel Taeyong’s hands choke you if you’ll ruin Jaehyun’s mood for the comeback season. 

“It saddens me that we won’t see each other as much.” his palm landed on your thigh and you suddenly realised that the two of you forgot about the food. 

“It’s only couple of weeks.” you stretched out a smile and leaned over to pull out chopsticks from the bag. “Here.” you sighed and implied on you two eating, feeling on the verge of tears when Jaehyun’s hand began drawing small circles up your thigh. It’s the tingling feeling in your stomach that made your eyes water. Just a little more, just a couple strokes up and he’d touch your stomach, where the baby that was his began to grow. You wondered if he could get it somehow if he’d touch you, if the baby somehow gave him inner signals but you knew you were probably going crazy, so you pulled his hand off your leg and simply said. “Im hungry, let’s eat.” 

“Couple of weeks now, and then couple of weeks a bit later on and then year-end shows. You know how it is, when it starts it’s like it never finishes.” he pursed his lips apologetically and you thought that maybe it’s a good thing. Work will keep him busy and you’ll just cope with it somehow on your own. “Remember I told you about the concert?”

“Mmh.” you nodded but refused to look at him. Looking at him made your insides turn and it wasn’t the best feeling. 

“We’re going to have solo stages this time, I thought I’ll do the song I wrote for you.” 

“No.” you spoke as soon as the last sound left his mouth.

“I knew you’d say that.” he chuckled and put the chopsticks away, leaning more onto his bed. 

“You said it’s the song for my ears only, now you’re thinking of showing it to all of your fans… I want it to still be special.” you couldn’t keep your eyes on the wall anymore and turned to face him. Your heart screeched as your gaze ran over his warm smile. 

“Okay, I won’t.” he smiled knowingly, stretching out his hand towards you. You were thinking you should move away, but your body weren’t used to dodging Jaehyun’s touch, so you just froze, feeling his fingers snake over your nape, pulling your face in front of his. “But now I have zero ideas of what should I do.” he whispered before kissing you softly. He didn’t try to move away and you kissed him back - slowly and softly. 

“Didn’t you write things before that?” you pulled him back when you could feel his mood change to the one you were hoping to avoid. 

“I did but they’re not good.”

“Maybe you’ll get inspired to write something new?

“I need it by the end of next week. And I don’t feel like anything inspiring could happen to me.” you looked him in the eyes, wondering if you should tell him what you wanted to right now. A broken heart was a great inspiration to write songs, you thought. 

“And I thought I’ll forever be your muse.” you raised your eyebrows playfully and looked away. Joking would probably be better, for at least now. A little more time in peace won’t hurt anybody. 

“Now I feel bad.” he stated and dropped his head to look at the ceiling. 

“I was kidding.”

“I know, but still.” Jaehyun outstretched his hand to pull you to his side. You crawled over to him, moving the food out of the way. Your hands hugged his waist automatically, loosing your face in the crook of his neck. Jaehyun hugged your shoulders and you trembled a little in his hands. You wanted to tell him that you loved him, that he can actually take the song because you’d die to hear him sing it on stage. You wanted to tell him that you don’t want to leave, you wanted to ask him to stay together before the day of the comeback comes, but alol that left your lips was a gasp. You gasped and moved your hands from his waist onto his neck, hugging him so tightly, that if you were a little bit stronger you’d probably break his bones. I love you, I love you, you cried in your brain but couldn’t say it loud. Maybe Taeyong was right, maybe you were sacrificing too much over nothing. 

“Baby.” he cooed and it took so much in you to not cry. “I know you’re against it so much, but I talked about this with Taeyong and he says it’s okay if we’ll live together.” his hand caressed your back, he wanted to look you in the eyes, but his words only made you breathless, you didn’t want to see his face. You didn’t want him to see your face. “I’m not forcing you, but even if it’ll be the ghost of me in that apartment it’s better than not seeing you at all.” you thought how could you make him stop talking, you scrunched your nose and rubbed it against his neck. “Baby, are you glued to me?” he chuckled and forcefully pushed you off him to look at you. “Or you’re hiding from what I said?” you looked at his ears to not look at him. “At least consider it, okay?” 

“Okay.” you nodded, feeling Jaehyun get his lips on your jaw. 

“I really want you.” Jaehyun whispered into your ear, moving his body closer to yours. His hand forced you onto his lap before you could come up with something to refuse him. You couldn’t think of a thing to say even when his lips trailed a line from your jaw behind your ear. You couldn’t remember the time when you refused him at all, couldn’t remember what people could say when they didn’t want their partner back. Probably, because you wanted him back so much you couldn’t think at all since the moment his palms landed on your thighs. Jaehyun’s fingers tugged the turtle neck you wore higher and you caught his hands mid action. His eyes opened and you looked at him too. 

“Leave it on.” you mumbled quickly, hoping Jaehyun wouldn’t put too much attention to it and he didn’t, locking his lips with yours once again. He was moving his hands over your body swiftly, forcing a gasp from you as his 

hand undid your bra under your turtle neck, moving to the front, cupping your breasts. His tongue slid into your mouth as you gasped, and all the courage you built to tell him no flew out of the window. Your fingers gripped onto his nape, fidgeting your body on his lap when his fingers caressed your stomach. It made you feel like he knew and you cried into his mouth. Jaehyun took it as a cry of want, moving his hand lower, undoing the button on your jeans, slipping his fingers to caress you through your underwear. 

“Jaehyun-ah.” your lips left his in a moan. You already could feel a bubble of pleasure in your lower stomach and you couldn’t understand if this was the effect of pregnancy or you realising it’s the last time you’ll ever feel his fingers on you. His fingers moved past your underwear allowing for him to feel the swell and wetness of your heat. 

“Do you love me this much? It makes me happy to know you’re still into me as much as you were back in the day.” he chuckled satisfied, slipping a finger inside of you. Your hips began their paced moves to meet Jaehyun’s hand half way. You felt him get hard under you and the feeling made you even more drunk on him than before. 

“I want to go home. I’m going to cum.” you cried, squeezing your eyes tightly. “Jaehyun, please. Don’t let go, please.” you moaned on the verge of tears, mixing your words with whispering profanities. Jaehyun watched you with his eyes wide open. He couldn’t believe how vulnerable you’ve suddenly gotten, how easily you were a crying and moaning mess in his arms tonight. He wanted to pull back and feel you cum over him, extracting his hand, but you didn’t open your eyes to watch him, you just began rubbing yourself against his now hard length. Jaehyun panted as he felt the pleasure too. You slipped your tongue into his mouth and he sucked onto it, kissing you deeply. The kiss made your core throb, making you get closer to your release. Your fingers blindly found Jaehyun’s hand that now was helping you rub your thighs against his, forcing it to go back inside your underwear, to rub your clit in shaking circles instead. And he did so, sending you over the edge in minutes. Your hips stopped moving, feeling his fingers caress you through your high. You hated the feeling on your overstimulated heat, forcing his hand away from you. You dropped your body against Jaehyun’s to catch your breath. “I want to go home.” you mumbled the only thing that came to your mind. 

“Right now?” he asked confused, forcing you to raise your head at him. “What happened?” he asked softly, trailing the tears off your cheeks. “You don’t usually cry.” 

“Yeah, I want to go home right now.” your words confused Jaehyun to the extent you felt him get turned off. It was for the best, you thought to yourself. 

“That’s… you can stay, Jungwoo’s not coming back.”

“I know, but I still want to go.”

“I thought we could…ugh… I just…” he seemed to glitch for a minute and you felt more awkward with every passing second that you didn’t tell him you wanted to go before it got sexual. “You just came off my hand a second ago and want to go home immediately? I thought we could have actual sex and then see what’s up? It’s not even about sex, I just feel wrong now.”   

“I messed up the pill schedule, I’m sorry.” you slid off his legs and quickly buttoned up your jeans. 

“What are you sorry for?”

“For not having sex with you.” you mumbled thoughtless, only realising how stupid it sounded when you closed your mouth. 

“Are you… are you insane?” he tried to shout at you, probably, but the sound that came out of him was weak and hurt. You closed your eyes in pain. Things you said pained both you and him and you wanted to hit your head on the wall right then and there. ‘Let’s break up.’ three simple words couldn’t leave your mouth and you couldn’t lift your body up from the floor too. “Let’s not fight. I probably misunderstood you. No, I did misunderstand you for sure.” Jaehyun’s fingers reached out for your palm that you moved away. 

“I’ll go home, okay?”

“Y/n, come on.” he sighed breathlessly. “What are we fighting about.”

“We’re not, I said I wanted to go home even when you were touching me.” 

“Can you tell me why?”

“Because I remembered suddenly I have to get up earlier tomorrow.”

“Okay, I’ll walk you back home.” 

“I’m going to take a taxi.” 

“Okay, I’ll walk you down to the taxi.” 

“You don’t need to.” you got your lips in a thin line. “I need to see Taeyong on my way.”

“I can’t get the feeling off my chest that something’s wrong.” 

“Thank you. Thank you for everything, I’m serious.” you suddenly said, squeezing his palm that was resting over his knee. 

“What exactly are you thanking me for?” he furrowed his eyebrows again. 

“You fool, not for what you just did for sure.” you chuckled and pecked his cheek carefully. 

“I love you.” he simply said back and you hated how attentive he got at times. If he was the normal boyfriend he would’ve not noticed how weird you felt inside. Jaehyun’s hand moved under yours to hold it. “I trust you and I trust that you would tell me if anything was wrong.” he whispered and kissed your knuckles. You nodded your head not being able to lie to him verbally. He leaned in and kissed you goodbye. 

“Bye-bye.” your fingers let go of him. You stood up slowly and walked to the door. You felt your lungs starting to hyperventilate. You wanted to look back at him and send him a flying kiss but warm tears streamed silently down your face without your contest. You walked out quickly, closing the door behind you, dragging your feet to exit as quickly as you could, just in case Jaehyun would want to come out and say something else. 

“Taeyong, I couldn’t.” You cried into your phone as soon as he picked up the phone. “Are you home?” you got the unsatisfactory answer of a no. “I can’t tell him I don’t love him anymore in his face. I can’t hurt him at all. How do I do it?” 

“I can’t think right now, I’m kind of busy, I’m sorry, but if you decided on doing it, just do it. Maybe it’s better to do it now, while he’s going to be busy.” you felt warm breeze of early autumn hit your wet face as you got outside. You thought how Jaehyun talked about being busy for upcoming months. Maybe it was indeed the best timing to do it now. 

“Okay, you’re right.” you just sighed into the phone. 

“I’m here with you.” Taeyong said warmly, even though by the tone of his voice you could tell he was completely distracted. “I have to go though, text me if anything happens.”

“Yeah, yeah. Go.” you nodded and swallowed the tears you held back to be able to talk. 

You quickly found Jaehyun’s number in your phone. You didn’t realise until you dialled it that your heart was beating in your ears. You didn’t realise until you called him that your hands turned into sweaty mess, making your phone slip out of your hands. 

“Yeah?” he asked worriedly. “Did you forget something?” 

“No…” You gulped so loudly it probably was heard on the other side of Seoul. “Let’s break up.” the world began spinning around you but you still tried your best to walk forward. 

“What?” he asked and it made you feel like he couldn’t hear you the first time and you almost backed down. “Break up?” so he did hear you, you thought. “You’re still here? I’ll come down.”

“No, I’m far.” you couldn’t pretend you weren’t crying anymore, so you just let him know about it. 

“If you want to break up, why are you crying?” 

“I worry about your heart.” you whispered into the phone. 

“I want to see you. If you’re far, then I’ll just come to your place.”

“No, Jaehyun. Do you hear me? I’m breaking up with you. I don’t want to see you, hear you. I don’t want to talk to you anymore.” 

“I’m going to hang up and you’ll call me tomorrow, when you’re feeling better. Let’s pretend this conversation never happened, okay?” he pleaded, you could feel the tone of his voice turn into a worried one. 

“No, there’s no need. Nothing’s going to change tomorrow.”

“Why?” he sighed painfully for your ears and you squatted in the middle of the street. 

“Nothing’s there anymore.”

“Nothing’s there anymore? Are you kidding?” you could hear him getting worked up and it actually made you feel better. You wanted him to be mad, it was a good thing he didn’t hide his feelings. You wanted him to hate you, it would be easier if he won’t reach out to you himself. “You were kissing me ten minutes ago. You were next to me, you were holding onto me so tightly because nothings there? Come back. I’m coming outside.”

“Jaehyun.” you cried tiredly. “I don’t want to fight. I’m sorry I couldn’t say this into your face. I felt bad, but breaking up over the phone is probably even worse. I’m so sorry.” 

“How can I not fight with you when you’re saying insane things? I know you love me, I love you. I don’t have any other options than to fight with you for us.”

“I…” you wanted to fall on the asphalt and lie there dead. “I don’t love you anymore and that’s the problem. I have nothing else in me to give you.” you lied with closed eyes, pushing your fist onto the ground, making it hurt with the way asphalt bits got into your skin. 

“I don’t believe you. There’s no way.” 

“Jaehyun, don’t be a child. I don’t love you and that’s it. I couldn’t tell you in the face because I knew you’ll throw a scene. Let’s be grown up about it and let each other live. People break up, its normal.” 

“I… I…” his breathes were so heavy in your phone, they weighed you down closer to the asphalt. You could hear doors slamming and other movement. “Don’t fucking move, I’m going outside.” he said quickly and you realised what all those sounds were. You could hear the lock of their door and you hung up on him, running away like a stupid child. You were in fact a stupid idiot, at the end of the day. You walked inside a Seven Eleven around the corner, keeping your eyes on the door. The shop was pretty close and you could see Jaehyun run out of the building, looking around. He walked forward, moving his head around unstoppably, hiding from your view as he walked, making the shiver run down your spine. You were scared because you feared he’d pop out of somewhere behind you and will force you to talk with him. You didn’t realise you were holding your breath, barely breathing when your phone vibrated. 

from: Jaehyun 

“I’ll come to your place”

“we need a conversation”

to: Jaehyun

“No.” 

You almost hid your phone in your pocket, when you realised you could text him to calm him down. 

“I’ll text you later on and we’ll talk, okay?”

“I feel like we need time to process everything and chill out.” 

from: Jaehyun 

“okay”

You didn’t want to admit this was a lie. You didn’t want to admit this to him or you, but you knew you wouldn’t want to meet him ever again.  You knew it’ll be too painful to even feel his existence somewhere not far from you. 

You saw his figure walk back to the house and sighed relieved. He squatted suddenly in front of the house, hiding his face in his arms for a minute. You suddenly remembered how you pushed your hand into the ground, laying your eyes on your hurt knuckles.

*

You knew it would be too perfect if you’d just listen to him play, leave the cake and go back into embrace of your best friend. That’s why, when your phone vibrated and made the loud noise spread through the wall you didn’t feel too surprised. You knew something was meant to happen. You still gasped, quickly moving your feet to run away, but the sound of Jaehyun opening his door was too vivid to ignore. 

“Y/n.” he said softly and you stopped on your tracks. “I can see you, just in case you think you’re invisible.” he sighed when you just froze. 

“Yeah, I know.” you suddenly spoke back, turning around. 

Yeah, that’s exactly watch you feared. Seeing Jaehyun with his hair band, a sleeping t-shirt that was too big and too stretched out, making his skinny shoulders and collarbone visible to your tired eyes. His plaid baggy pants hiding from you his legs, thankfully. 

“I brought the cake for guys to eat later.” you pointed to break the silence and stop staring, when your eyes landed on the cake still being on the table, remembering how you wanted just to eat it and leave. You should’ve definitely opted for that decision, you sighed. “I’m sorry I bothered you… I’ll go.”

“Yeah.” he nodded and you hated it and was thankful at the same time he let you go so easily. Now, and five months ago, too. You turned your back at him, walking to the exit in peace. “You still owe me a conversation. We never spoke…” he paused and you turned around at him once again. You should’ve not jinxed it. “About us… and how we broke up and things.” 

“I… I remember.” you smiled awkwardly. 

“When will you be ready to talk to me?” he asked too politely and you almost burned on the spot. 

”I am.” you suddenly said and his eyes got wider. 

“Like, now…?”

“Yeah, let’s talk now if that’s what you want.”

“Okay.” he nodded but didn’t move. You stood there in front of him not moving too. “In my room? For people not to bother us?”

“Okay.” you nodded and he turned to walk back, waiting for you to catch up with him. 

He lead you in. The room, you have actually never been to it yet. Moving to a new place, you heard from Taeyong that they finally all got personal rooms, but it was the only information you got on their new living arrangement. “Fancy.” you smiled to yourself as you walked in. The room was more spacious and was his, which already was enough for it to be perfect in your eyes. 

“Thanks.” he replied making you realise you said it out loud. 

He sat on his bed and you sat next to him awkwardly, fixing your clothes on your stomach nonchalantly. 

“I’m sorry I eavesdropped. I heard you play that song and to be honest… I got a little angry… and walked to the door to tell you to stop.” you spoke as the room felt too quiet in a stupid way. 

“Why?”

“Because you shouldn’t think about me in any way.” you admitted. 

“That’s not something you could decide for me.”

“I’m sorry.”

“It’s nothing.”

“No, I’m sorry for everything. For the mess I caused and spread all over your live.”

“At least you were honest, right?” he chuckled painfully. 

“Yeah… at least a great song came out of it, right…?” you raised your eyes to look at him and he caught your stare confused. “The solo stage at the concert? Isn’t it…? I’m sorry if it’s not and I put too much on my shoulders.”

“No… you’re right.” you shivered realising that all the references you made up in your head were actually completely correct. 

“It really is beautiful. Regardless, who it’s about.”

“It’s cheesy.”

“But you let the world see it anyway.”

“Because I had no other option.”

“No, because it’s good.” you smiled at him, making your lips go in a thin line. You hated how your conversation was turning into a weird battle of compliments towards Jaehyun. 

“This song doesn’t even matter.” he said and looked away from you once again. “I don’t even know what to start with.”

“I owe you so much explanation, I know.”

“So, you found out you’re pregnant, realised there wasn’t anything for me in you and broke up with me, got rid of the baby and that’s it for the history of us?”

“I don’t think I’m ready to speak about it like that.” your entire chest felt caged. 

“I can’t let you leave me for another five months. I’m in pain too. I still love you, I still think everyday about the fact you were pregnant with my baby. It wasn’t someone’s, I could’ve been a dad.” you hid your hand in the pocket of your hoodie. It helped you hold onto your stomach without Jaehyun noticing. “I need to hear you and I want to hear you. Four years, Y/n, four.” you closed your eyes hearing him speak, crying silently. I still love you too, you wanted to cry into his mouth. “I want to know what you knew about our baby, even if it’s not with us anymore, too.”

“I’m not a monster.” you whispered through tears. 

“I know, I know.” he quickly said, focusing his vision on your dropping tears. He didn’t dare to touch you and you were thankful. You couldn’t bare if he held you in his arms again. 

“I only did this for you. For you to still be here, not ruining your life because of me.” 

“How could being with you ruin my life? We were together for so long, yet you… Why did you decide this for me?” he kept his voice low, not getting worked up even if you wanted him to. 

“I… when I found out I was pregnant, I knew immediately that we can’t be parents. You’re an idol and I’m not strong enough to bare with being a mom when you’re not around.” his breathing got so heavy it almost was louder than your speaking. 

“I knew the moment I found out about the baby it all happened because of me.” 

“What?”

“I didn’t give you enough reassurance. I didn’t give you enough in general, to make you sure that I’ll take care of you and our baby. You ran away because I didn’t make you feel secure and I didn’t seem like a reliable guy for a dad, I know that.”

“That is so not true.”

“Please… just…” he spoke slowly but couldn’t seem to form a sentence. 

“I was weak and scared. It’s no one’s fault, not yours, I mean. I know you’re caring and attentive and always give your all.” 

“I was just always wondering if you broke up with me because you really didn’t love me, or because you found out you were pregnant and didn’t feel like I was right.” 

“It’s not that you weren’t right, Jaehyun, please. I didn’t want you to do something stupid for me, that’s it.” 

“But why did you get rid of the baby and me?” 

“I decided on abortion, but Taeyong said that you’ll hate me forever if you’ll find out I got rid of the baby without even telling you. I agreed, and later I realised I can’t do that at all. I’m not cruel to kill the baby in general, especially when the baby is yours. I wouldn’t be able to kill the baby of the man I loved. So I thought I’ll break up with you and that way you’ll get a chance to get over me and live your life how you should.” you suddenly spoke all the truth, instead of what you were rehearsing for the past months. 

“But then realised the baby was putting too much weight on you and decided against it?” he looked you in the eyes but you just stared back. You weren’t strong enough to talk with him about it. “When did you find out about the baby? When did it conceive?”

“I found out in the end of August. It’s due in  late April or May. I mean, it was due… I think I got pregnant when we went to Yangyang-gun. We were sleeping through the day and I didn’t take the pill and then… and then everything happened.”

“Yanyang is my favourite memory with you.” Jaehyun suddenly said and you couldn’t help but smile through tears. Yours was every single moment you spent right by his side.  “I’ve never been to Yangyang before… and I guess I won’t ever go there to keep things that way.”

“I said everything…” you concluded suddenly wishing to leave. You were slowly sinking into Jaehyun’s presence and it feared you to death. “I should probably go. I’m sorry.” you added another excuse quickly. You wanted to reminisce with him, but reminiscing would lead to even more pain. He didn’t speak back and you stood up, walking to the door. 

“Remember how everything started?” of course you did. “You were working at that shitty job. You’d ask me to come over every time you felt too pressured and stressed. I ran to you because I was so hopelessly in love with my friends best friends and I couldn’t tell anyone.” you could hear him get up and soundlessly walk towards you. His fingers landed on your shoulders and held softly. “Can I ask for a favour?” he whispered into your hair, leaning closer. You were frozen but realised you needed to give him an answer, so you gave him a nod. “Can you turn around?” his body moved a step back. You could feel it with the way his body heat left your back. Jaehyun’s fingers let go of your shoulders and you guessed he was expecting to see your face. You didn’t really want to see his face. And you didn’t want to really miss a chance to look at him up close, no matter what he’ll ask of you. You gulped and turned around, meeting his teary eyes with yours. You wondered who looked sadder out of you two: the one who was  left or the one that left. “Now… are you, happy?” you squeezed your eyes to not cry out loud in his face. No, you weren’t happy, and he didn’t need to ask it out loud, because it was too obvious for your own good. You didn’t notice how his hands suddenly got onto your cheeks, being too preoccupied to not choke on your tears. You didn’t need a second to guess what he wanted to do, but you still hoped he wouldn’t. 

He leaned in, quickly killing the space between you two and locked your lips with his. You wanted not to kiss him back, to be careful about it and not sink back in, placing your hand on his waist. You wanted to push him back but somewhere between your gasps and silent cries of his name into his mouth, your hand pushed his body closer to yours. It’s when one of his hands left your cheek and crawled down your side, under your hoodie and onto your stomach to touch your body once again, when he felt it. 

“You’re pregnant.” he gasped shocked. His hand froze onto the bump and you wondered when did you lose all of your senses. “You’re pregnant.” he said once again, as if finally realising what he had said. 

“I’m not.” you said and pushed his hand off you. 

“You are. Take your hoodie off.” 

“Jaehyun.” you raised your brows at him. 

“Take it off, you’re pregnant.” 

“You’re a maniac, calm down.” you chuckled nonchalantly. 

“You didn’t kill my baby.” his brain seemed to lose all of the connection it had with reality. “It’s there, it’s in you.” he dropped onto his knees making you squeeze into the wall. His hands pulled your clothes up without your consent and before you could tell him to collect himself he wrapped his hands over your very small bump. “Is it… okay? Why is it so small?”

“This can happen.” you gulped when his lips touched the skin of your stomach. You felt like you could slide down the wall this very moment. “It’s completely fine and healthy.” 

“Hi, baby.” he whispered and peppered kisses over your belly button. “She tried to hide away the fact you were existing.”

“Jaehyun.” you mumbled feeling yourself crying once again. He raised his eyes at you expecting of what you’d say. “It’s a girl.” your heart stopped beating and instead you could hear his heart beat so loudly and quickly. She kicked your stomach and Jaehyun’s face expressed something between death and ecstasy. 

“She feels that it’s her dad.” he smiled so purely you wanted to disappear. You couldn’t believe these were the things you took from him, the memories you took from the both of you were weighing heavily on your back.

“Maybe just because she feels I’m not well.” you tried to put him down on earth cruelly. 

“No, it’s because she wanted to see her dad.” 

“Jaehyun… I need to go.” you said when your phone vibrated once again. 

“You’re not going anywhere.” he got back up onto his feet. 

“I am… this… that you know now, it’s not meaning anything. We’re not back together all of a sudden.”

“It means everything to me. Let me do everything the way we should’ve in the first place.” his hand slid onto your palm, holding onto you tightly. 

“Let’s think this through, we both need time to think things through.” 

“I love you, you’re carrying my baby, what else is there to think through?”

“I need to think things through.” 

“You’re just running away from me, again.” 

“No, I’m not, Jaehyun-ah, I’m not.” you whispered and squeezed his hand back. 

“Promise we’ll be together again. Promise to her, that her parents will be together when it’s time for her to be born?”

“Don’t manipulate me.” you bit onto your lower lip, running your eyes over Jaehyun’s face. You could tell by a single look that he wasn’t thinking at all. Euphoria was the only thing he probably felt right now. “Didn’t you hate me? At least a little, when you found out about the baby?” 

“No, I couldn’t.” 

“Don’t lie.”

“I’m not lying. How could I hate you, when I’m the reason behind all those decisions?”

“I’ll go.” you sighed disappointed with his answers. You hated yourself even more now that it turned out he was hating on himself for your leaving. “I’m going to text you next week.. we’ll see, what we can do about all of this, okay?”

“Yeah.” he nodded and found a place on your stomach for his hand. “I’m going to really wait for this text, just so you know.” 

“I know.” you nodded, reassuring him and you that you were very aware of his feelings. 

You let him plant a kiss on your temple and forced him to separate from you, to allow you to exit his room and he stepped back, watching you go. 

Your eyes suddenly noticed Marks green hoodie and you picked it up, to take back downstairs. 

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[jjangnmi]

' #30mx30c | dia 1 [musica do seu grupo masculino favorito] "megaverse", stray kids. <3 capa mark lee + jung jaehyun [jaemark / markhyun] | nct | spirit

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[neowinestainedress]

our gentle sin ; jeong jaehyun

title: our gente sin | final part of amami ancora

pairing(s): jeong jaehyun x oc | side members: lee donghyuck, lee taeyong, kim doyoung, lee mark, nakamoto yuta, huang renjun, qian kun / mentioned: na jaemin, lee jeno

genre: royal au, parents au, established relationship, smut, fluff, 

warnings: smut, unprotected sex, fingering, public sex, rough sex, dirty talk, religious language and imaginary in a pretty blasphemous way in one scene, worshipping, praise kink, oral sex (f receiving), breeding kink, switch!jaehyun, switch!oc (tbh they don’t really have dom/sub dynamics but there’s some power play, so I put it like this), pregnancy sex, breast play, minor lactation kink | minor character death, minor mentions of antepartum depression

summary: an unexpected meeting leads to an unexpected proposal. It takes just one decision to change forever the ending of their story. Can they grasp both love and power, or will they lose everything they fought hard to get? Will they rise from the ashes of their past like a phoenix, or will they stain their reputation with sin even more?

word count: 51.730

taglist: @adorejaehyn​ @pinkyzae​ @hopefulchick

a/n: so here we are with the last part (for real this time) of amami ancora. I had a request asking for some more and I admit I’m not sure it’s what they wanted but I couldn’t find the motivation to write plotless scenes, so I gave their story a twist. I’m sorry for the anon that wanted a background story for the other members but I couldn’t come up with much. Maybe, just maybe, I’ll write some spin-offs about them after this, but I can’t promise anything. I wrote this mostly for myself because the main reason why at the start I didn’t want to write a sequel for amami ancora and I made it end that way, was because I wanted Scarlett to don’t give up her throne, but I guess you can choose this or part three to be ending that you want.  Also, keep in mind this has no intention to be accurate. I researched about how it used to work but it’s set in a fantasy world and in the future, so I changed a lot of things to my pleasure. I never planned for this story to come so far so I didn’t think about a true setting when I wrote the first part, it was just for the aesthetic of royalty and the illicit relationship between them. Let’s pretend everything’s realistic and possible.  Hope you’ll like it.

Scarlett sighed loudly before closing Eunbi’s bedroom door behind her. It was rather late, past eight, and she was alone at home. Eunbi was good, never complained about anything, but putting her to bed without her dad to the side was always a struggle. And now Jaehyun wasn’t home, and he wasn’t going to come home before three days. 

Moving to a new house was a big step, probably bigger than what they could’ve afforded, but they didn’t have much choice. Eunbi was growing, Johnny had moved out, so did Mark and Yuta, Taeyong and Doyoung needed their spaces, and so did they. Setting their own rhythms to raise her was necessary, not only for her but also for them as a couple. 

So here they were, in a small house, just a street away from the old one. It had just the essential rooms, and a small garden surrounding it. 

And even if it had been a year since they moved there and they were overall doing fine, Jaehyun had to start going abroad often to bring more money home. They weren’t struggling, but they still had a three-year-old baby to look after and bills to pay. 

Scarlett stretched her back, feeling exhausted after the long day, and then walked down the stairs, thinking about preparing some tea to cool off before trying to sleep too. 

But her plan for the night blew up. She almost felt her heart drop to the floor when she noticed that she wasn’t alone. Her lips quivered, trying hard to push out some words, and she felt so close to passing out when she realized who was standing in front of her.

“What – what are you doing here?” She asked as her eyes focused on the figure in front of her, hoping that her brain was messing with her, that she had completely gone insane. 

“It’s nice to see you again,” he smiled, standing up from the chair and walking toward her. “What a nice house you’ve built.” 

She felt trapped in her spot, terrified of what was coming next. She had spent the last three years – almost four – being sure, they were done with her. 

“I don’t know who you’re looking for,” she played dumb. She looked a little bit different from when she left, maybe he would’ve fallen for it. 

But it didn’t work. Donghyuck chuckled loudly and then shook his head. “I’m looking for you.” 

She sighed, getting that there was no point pretending anymore. “It’s been years, aren’t you married by now? Didn’t you move on?” 

“I’m not here for myself,” he started explaining, now standing in front of her. They were so close it almost felt uncomfortable. “Your father, His Grace, is dying.” 

She stared at him, not knowing what to say or what to do. She emitted a low huff while she tried to look for honesty behind his face and process the news. 

“I’m not coming back there for his funeral so you can finally have my head hanged on a wire.” 

“I don’t plan on killing you,” he said, completely serious. And looking at him, she almost dared to swear that nothing of that old Donghyuck she despised was there anymore. 

“How did you find me?” She asked, changing the topic of their conversation. She was more than sure she had hidden well, and if he knew, why he didn’t get to her before? Why wait so long? 

“I never believed in your death,” he shrugged, walking around, eyes wandering around the place as if this conversation was totally normal. Maybe he was still the same old Donghyuck she couldn’t stand. The one that didn’t take things seriously, the one that thought that everything was a game because power could fix everything with no consequences. “But I guess it was easier to declare it than to come to look for you wherever you were. You know, in the little time we spent together, I think I got to know you. You would’ve never let anything stop you, not even death. You could’ve easily killed yourself in the castle, but you did not.” 

She snickered, eyes rolling up to the sky, he was still a pretentious brat… but he was also right. “Then why you didn’t tell my father? I don’t think he knows me that much.” 

Donghyuck stilled, and turned around to look at her, “It was easier. I would haven’t been able to reign, to wield so much power.”

She raised a brow, truly not understanding his point, “What do you want then?” 

“I want you to come back and reign. Your mother is shattered by your loss, and soon the one of the King, I’m sure she won’t be able to take it.” 

She snorted, staring at him in disbelief, and then said, “Take the reign.” 

“I could, truthfully, that’s what your father wants but I think it is fair to give you another chance. I grew to understand what loving blindly means, and I must admit I do understand you.” 

She shook her head, walking around him, getting closer to the front door, hoping he would follow, but he stood right where he was. “No, you don’t. You have no idea what I felt when you started treating me like a mere trade commodity while I was carrying the child of my only love, knowing he was gone without a goodbye.” 

Donghyuck nodded, wetting his lips swiftly before speaking, “I am sorry, deeply. I was a dumb boy blinded by success. Trust me, I could easily grab everything your parents will leave behind and have the biggest reign on the land, but I want you to have everything that is rightfully yours.” 

“And what assures me that now that you finally found me, you don’t want to give me the justice you want and surely, also crave for?” 

“I have a wife; I now know what love means. I am a father, too. Blind revenge would only stain my honour and pride as a man of high ideals.”

“I can’t,” she replied, drifting the gaze from him. Because his words sounded genuine and also tempting, she missed home like crazy sometimes, and it wasn’t for the material things. It was for her mother, her handmaids, for all the years of her life she had spent in anticipation of a future that never came. “I’m… I’m a mother, and I can’t even think about raising my child how I was raised. I have friends, I have a job, I have love and I’m happy.” 

“I understand,” he said. “However, if you’ll change your mind, here’s an invitation to the first ball of the season. It’s special, they will lead you to me directly.” 

“You really think I trust you? You think I’d come back there after running away? You think I’d let you take all the happiness I created away from me so easily?” She said even if she knew that in the depths of her heart, those words were partially a lie. He had changed; it was clear as the sky that he wasn’t the selfish Prince she was bound to marry, but she still had other duties, other things and people she held dear to her heart.

“I do not mean to trap you,” he said, once again, serious and composed. “Read the journals, hear the rumors, the King is dying, and I have little to no interest to deal with two reigns like this.” 

“Wouldn’t it have been the same if I had married you?” 

“No, if I had married you, I would’ve loved to love that land, and its flowers, and its people, but I’ve only come to hate it. No offense, but your father’s not so good at dealing with things, and everything I thought was gold, turned out to be the one of the fools.” 

She knew it was in fact true; her father completely lost track of things in the last years, but she wasn’t so sure she could trust him. This wasn’t only about her, not anymore, it would’ve dragged Jaehyun and Eunbi in it too, and she couldn’t do that. 

“I know our relationship started in the worst way. I know I backstabbed you, and I can only imagine how hard it must be for you to trust me, but please, at least think about it. Your country will fall into foreign hands if you don’t come back, and so will the people you care about that you left there,” he added before walking over to her and opening the door. “I always admired you, and if I came back here, started to search you desperately one year ago behind the King’s back, it’s because I know how much you’re worth, and I believe in it. You were meant to be a Queen.” 

When he closed the door without giving her the chance to talk back, she had to lean against the closest wall to start breathing again. She closed her eyes, feeling hot tears start rolling out, and she immediately wiped them away. Her hands clutched the letter tighter, feeling her skin burn when her fingers grazed the wax stamp with the symbol of her family on it and walked to the kitchen, pushing the paper to the back of a random drawer. 

That was most likely a trap. 

She tried to convince herself. 

He simply couldn’t kidnap her, or it would’ve drawn a scandal, so he wanted to make it look as if she was turning herself in. 

She wasn’t going to come back. 

As the day went by, she tried to push that conversation out of her mind. Focusing on her job and Eunbi luckily was enough to keep her mind off of it.

But when Jaehyun came back, it was harder to hide it. It was like he knew something was off, always creeping deep and studying her closely.

“Are you okay?” He kept asking her every time he had the chance, just like right now, they were sitting on the couch watching a movie while Eunbi was playing on the floor with some toys. 

She nodded, lips sealed together, as she shifted closer to him. No, she wasn’t okay. She couldn’t scroll the idea of what Donghyuck had told her out of her mind, but at the same time, moments like this reminded her that, if his words were honest, life in the royal palace was going to be completely different. She still had all the tight rules marked on the back of her brain for how long she had to repeat them when she was a child to know how to behave in high society. And as she looked at her daughter play, so wild and free, she wondered if she could ever do something like this to her. 

“I can take some days off to look after her,” Jaehyun proposed, right hand caressing her shoulder over the fabric of the dress she was wearing. 

“No, it’s not her,” she admitted after taking a long breath. “I’m fine, don’t worry.” 

Jaehyun hummed, deciding to leave it there, and then his head fell on top of hers, inhaling her scent deeply. And even if she couldn’t see him, she knew he had his eyes closed and a smile on his face. 

And she wondered if she could ever give up this for something else. She had never seen her parents be so intimate. She had never seen her father get lost in the scent of her mother. She had never seen them hold hands or lay on the couch together as she played in front of them. And she wondered if it was a problem of their marriage or something that came with their life. Have they ever been in love? Or was that lifestyle that made them drift away? 

But one thing she knew for sure, was that she didn’t want to lose Jaehyun or Eunbi. She didn’t fight so hard to have them both, just to lose them again to run after something that was so… superficial. 

So, she searched for his hand and dragged it over her waist, making their fingers intertwine while her attention was focused on the little girl that was playing teatime with a doll and a teddy bear on the floor. 

No, she couldn’t lose all of this. 

She was also more than sure to keep it a secret from him. Jaehyun tended to get quite apprehensive, and there was no need to make him panic about something stupid. But so caught up in everything, she had forgotten she never got rid of the invitation. 

And that Friday night, when it was usual for the boys to come over to have dinner together like they were used to when they lived together, Jaehyun found it out while he was going through the drawers to look for something. 

“Where is the –” he screamed from the kitchen before a weird paper caught his attention. A letter? What was a letter doing there? They didn’t keep documents there. He furrowed and then grabbed it, turning it around to study it, and his eyes widened when he saw the stamp that sealed the flap. “An invitation from the royal palace? The royal palace of your reign? For the first ball of the season?” Jaehyun asked, lifting the beige envelope in the air as he walked out of the room and stared at Scarlett that was holding Eunbi’s hand next to the table to help her sit. 

Scarlett froze on the spot and didn’t lift her head to look at him. “Leave it there, you might as well just throw it,” she said, lifting Eunbi and sitting her on the highchair, waiting for everyone to reach the table, hoping he would listen and pay it no mind.  

“Did you receive it too?” He asked the others, still holding the paper in hand. 

“Jaehyun, please,” she whispered, walking to him to take it from his hand but he lifted his arm up. 

“No,” he replied, voice stern as he pushed down the bitterness. She knew about this. Why would she keep this a secret? “Where did you get this, Scarlett?” 

She sighed, “Donghyuck…” she whispered, drifting her gaze from him and wrapping her arms around her body, hands rubbing against the exposed skin of her arms. 

“Are you joking?” 

She shook her head, swallowing hard.

“He knows where you are?” His voice almost broke coming out, more than sad now that she didn’t tell him. “He knows where we are!” 

“I had just put her to sleep for the night and when I came downstairs, he was there, sitting at the table.” 

“He entered our place, and you didn’t tell me anything?” 

“Jaehyun, please,” she begged, not in the mood to fight in front of everybody. 

“Please, what? He’s the reason I didn’t get to see our child grow inside of you, he’s the reason I had to leave you without a word, he’s the reason we’ve been through so much hell.” 

“I know, but he found me, and he…” 

“He?” He urged her to talk, what was there more to hide? 

“He wants me to go back…” she confessed in a whisper, so low that he could barely hear, and the others could only guess what she had said by Jaehyun’s expression, hurt, bitter, and even scared. 

Jaehyun scoffed, looking at his friends to see if he had imagined those words to come from her mouth or if he heard right but the others’ gazes weren’t on them, trying to act as if they weren’t interested in the matter.  

“This is a joke, right? He came here, asked you to go back there, he knows where you live, where we live and the idea of telling me didn’t even cross your mind? I could go to bed tonight and some soldiers will slam through the door and take you and Eunbi away from me again and you didn’t tell me!” 

“My father’s dying,” she snapped. “My… he’s dying and my mother too, she’s… she’s heartbroken because of me and him and I’m sorry. I don’t want to go back there but I thought that pushing it out of my mind would help me carry on without the heavy thought of them leaving.” 

Jaehyun blinked twice, trying to convince himself this was all a dream, but when his eyes opened again and met Scarlett’s face, he realized it wasn’t. “I thought you hated him.” 

“I do. But my mom, she’s… she loved me. Despite him, despite how disappointed he was of me, despite me being the reason he didn’t love her anymore. I was her greatest joy, her biggest happiness, and only now I can imagine what it must be like to be deprived of the very being you love the most,” she said, briefly looking at Eunbi, feeling her heart clench at the mere idea of having to lose her for whatever reason. She didn’t want to think about what her mother must’ve been through, and she felt so guilty now. Only now able to understand that nothing could come close to the loss of a child, no matter how grown they are. 

Jaehyun sighed, glancing at Eunbi that was mindlessly playing with Taeyong’s hand, and then brought his attention back to Scarlett. 

Another sigh left his lips while his mind was running a thousand miles per hour. But that wasn’t the place to discuss it, he just wanted to put his heart at ease, and then they would’ve started again tonight, alone, in their bedroom, without bothering the others and the baby. “Do you want to go back?” He simply asked, hoping that the words coming out of her mouth were going to be negative. 

She sniffled, “No, I don’t plan to. And I didn’t mean to keep it a secret, I’m sorry.” 

He nodded, pulling her into a hug. “Don’t worry,” he reassured her. He knew that leaving everything behind had been harder than she wanted to admit, she never talked about her past for a reason, and it wasn’t because she was afraid, but because it was part of her. “Should we eat now?” 

The dinner went on smoothly as they talked about their future plans. How Johnny and his girlfriend, Juliet, were to get married. How Mark felt he had a special connection with kids and was ready to have one – resulting in making everybody laugh. Or how Yuta thought that he needed to travel the world and see more than just these lands. 

But when the conversation fell on them, Doyoung spoke before they could. 

“I think you should go back there, isn’t this what you’ve been taught for your entire life?” He said, obtaining a menacing gaze from Jaehyun who wanted to avoid that topic. 

Scarlett coughed, cleaned her face with the napkin, and then smiled shyly at her friend. “Yes, but I don’t think it’s what I want,” she replied, staring at the table before raising her gaze, “I have all of you, you taught me things all those years there didn’t teach me. You are like family to me, and I can’t leave you behind.” 

“We might come and meet you during special occasions,” Johnny proposed, shoulders lifting as if it was that easy.  

“It doesn’t work like this,” Jaehyun replied, suppressing the want to roll his eyes at their naivety. 

“I thought the princess was her not you?” 

He rolled his eyes, “I’ve been by her side for years, I’ve been trained hard to know how that world works. And it’s not for people like us, never been and never will be.” 

“Yeah, but you will be in command, and you two –”  

“She and her husband,” Jaehyun replied sternly, fit tightening against the table. “She will need to marry a respectable noble man from the high society and be the Queen. She will also need to find a Lord or a Prince that will accept the child of a love affair with her bodyguard outside of marriage.” 

“Yeah, if her father’s alive,” Doyoung said. “But when he’ll… mhh, perish, she will be in command. Does somebody care for these rules anyway?” 

“People might not care inside of the reign, Do, too worried about their own problems, bigger than to care for a sinful Queen, but it is a shameful act committed by me. I’ve been reckless and now I must pay the price. Even if I ruled, the other nobles, the Lords and Queens and Kings from other reigns will look down on me.” 

“For loving?” Johnny asked, nose turning up in a mix of disdain and surprise. Damn, so he was right about hating those kinds of people. 

“It’s not that easy,” Jaehyun replied. “It’s a world with set rules to follow and prejudice and gossip as fast as the wind.” 

“Nobody knows you were pregnant, though?” Mark said with a cheerful voice, happy as if he made the cleverest of affirmation. 

And both Jaehyun and Scarlett glared at him. “And what about her? Do I push her back inside and pretend she didn’t come out of there almost three years ago?” 

“Oh, right… Well, you could say she’s the Prince’s…” 

“I’m not going around pretending our child is somebody else’s,” Jaehyun cut him off, glaring at him, mad he could even think about something like that. 

“I won’t go back, anyway,” Scarlett reassured him, placing her hand on top of his, caressing it softly. 

“What if you proved yourself to be a valuable Queen?” 

“I don’t think this will be enough. I ran away, left my people behind when I was so close to marry for their sake and to bring new light in our country, faked my death, and… this is, unforgivable, for the high society and for the commoners.” 

“But you lived among commoners for years. You worked with us, you now know our struggles, more than any other ruler before. Wouldn’t it be enough?” 

She sighed, shaking her head, “It’s not that easy,” she replied, and then coughed, “Can we change the topic? What about you two? Are you still going to live in the old house?” 

When the night came and everybody went home, they finished cleaning up and then put Eunbi to bed. Nobody said a word about that again and Scarlett thought everybody pushed the thought out of their minds. 

But Jaehyun couldn’t stop thinking about it as he watched her clean the dishes at his side, as he watched her sing Eunbi a sweet lullaby, and even now that she was putting her hair in a loose braid after changing into her nightgown. 

He had seen her covered in gold. He had been by her side the few times she held public speeches. He had listened to her rants about how her father should’ve solved certain problems. 

He knew her, more than anybody else. Maybe even more than herself considering how much she pushed herself behind everything and everybody just to make others happy, often forgetting herself in the way. 

And the reason why she was pretending now, was them. Probably terrified of losing them again or losing what they had. Because he knew she had always been honest when she said that she loved this even if they had nothing, even if it meant sharing the place with five other people, even if it meant that some days they had to work longer to bring more money home and they couldn’t afford many luxuries. She loved this, but she also loved that. And he was wondering if the key to everything was them, or if it was all meant to fall down if they stopped being what they were now. 

“Is that what you wish for?” Jaehyun asked, standing near the window, eyes shifting from the city to her. 

“What?” She asked, twisting the braid into a bun and clipping the hair to keep them still while she walked toward their bed. 

“To go back there.” 

“Are you still mad?” 

“I asked you a simple question, Scarlett,” he sighed, walking to sit next to her. “Is that what you wish for?” 

“I – I don’t wish for it,” she replied, voice shaking. And once again she didn’t hold eye contact with him for more than two seconds.  

“You do.” 

“What? You can’t ask me a question and then be against my answer.” 

“I know you. I know how dearly you cared about that world. I know how badly you wanted to be a different Queen compared to your father. I was there by your side when you walked between the people, your people, with the only desire to offer them hope and change for the future. I was there when you spent hours practicing how to host parties, how cheerfully you would chat with your ladies insisting on helping them, excited about everything. I know how much this costs you. I know how much you lost for me and Eunbi. I was the one who told you that you deserved to reign, to be the Queen, to hold the power that always belonged to you.” 

She tried to push back the tears because he was right; that was what she wanted but in the past. In another life, if that didn’t mean losing the two people that made her the absolute happiest. 

“But I’m also happy now,” she replied, it was the truth, she was happy. “We won’t be able to take care of Eunbi as we do now, she’ll be sent to caretakers, and she’ll have lessons and…” 

“Just like she soon should’ve started going to school?” 

“But I love this place, I love the boys, and I love the way I can just feel normal.” 

“But that belongs to you. Maybe Johnny’s right, if Donghyuck’s not mad anymore you may have relations with him to help with external politics and then nobody would dare to say a word about their Queen. I know that for you it had never been about the high society anyway, but I know how you wanted to make it right for your people. And they’ll love a Queen like you. You could completely turn all the rules over, you already did, so why not do it now? Shock them even more, show them how strong—willed you are, how much passion you put into what you love.” 

“Why are you pushing me in this?” 

“Because I know your potential. Because as somebody that grew up poor and spent more than half of his life in the streets I would count on you, I know I’d be in good hands. Because I never believed it was fair for you to choose between love and power. I told you countless times, and now, you can have both. Your father won’t decide for you, you will decide for yourself.” 

She sighed, it was tempting, it was all she had worked hard on but… “What if the Prince’s not being honest? What if this is all a sick plan to get to me?” 

“Is there not a way to test it? I mean, he’s married now, happily even, or it seems so, he has a son of his own, why would he still come between us?” 

She nodded, and her mind replayed the conversation she had with Donghyuck, he did seem honest. But then she stared at Jaehyun, this wasn’t just about her, but their family, and him. He never loved that world much, she knew he was only interested in her endless talks because she was talking. And she didn’t want him to force himself into this. They were doing fine, they could’ve pretended Donghyuck never found her, and that letter never arrived. “What made you change your mind?” 

“I told you, Scar.” 

“I’m not sure that’s the life for me anymore. I don’t even remember what my duties would have to be like, it’s… too much.” 

“But you’ll have me by your side, and Eunbi. Didn’t you say you were your mother’s strength? Why can’t we be yours? I don’t want to force you, but you did want to rule and by yourself. So what’s different now?” 

“I spent three years away from there, I don’t even remember all the etiquette rules I have to follow.” 

“Then screw them. Be revolutionary, be the people’s Queen. Be like them, not like the ton that would judge you. Be the Queen you always wanted to be, the Princess you’ve always been. People loved you, and I’m sure there’s still a place for them in your heart.” 

“But what if I let them down?” 

“How could you? You have a heart beating inside your chest, unlike your father, that was what was missing. If you want to get back what it’s owed to you, just go for it.” 

“But if I do, I want the boys to come with us. I want them to have honorary titles. I want Renjun to be the best tailor in town, finally not being paid dust anymore. I want Johnny, Mark, Yuta, and Jeno to take care of all the crown jewels and I want Taeyong and Jaemin to have the biggest bakery ever existed.” 

“As you wish, my Queen. I doubt anyone could stop you.” 

She chuckled at the title, but then turned serious again and stared at him deeply in the eyes, holding his hands in hers, “And I want you to be my King.” 

Jaehyun scanned her face, brain trying to process her words and understand if they were a joke or not. “Is this…?” 

“A proposal, yes.” 

“Are you proposing to me? Like this? In this bed?” 

“Yes,” she smiled. “Jeong Jaehyun, Lord of my heart and soul, would you accept to become my husband?” 

Just when he was about the answer, the door opened, a sleepy Eunbi was standing next to it before walking inside. “Mama, Papa,” Eunbi mumbled, fist tight around her favourite blanket that now was just a bit more than a napkin, “I can’t sleep.”

“Oh, look who’s here,” Jaehyun cooed, watching as she ran to them before lifting her up in his arms, “just in time to help me with a big question.” 

“Me?” She asked, looking between her parents, index finger pressed against her chest. 

“Yep, my Princess,” he smiled. “Should I marry Mama?” 

“Marry?” She asked, clearly confused. 

A soft chuckle left their mouths, “Have you ever seen those big white events? The flowers, the tall cakes, the balls.” 

She nodded, lower lip trapped into her teeth, “Yes! You want to marry Mama?” 

“I asked him to marry him, Mama’s waiting for an answer.” 

“Say yes! Say yes! Please!” She begged, happily jumping up and down in Jaehyun’s hold. “I want to be a princess for a day.” 

They looked at each other, smiling tenderly. “I’d be delighted to be your husband, Queen Scarlett,” he replied, kissing her as Eunbi let out happy squeals, not knowing that soon, she was going to be a princess for real. 

“I’m so nervous,” Scarlett whispered, holding Jaehyun’s hand in her right hand and Eunbi’s in the left. 

“It’ll be fine,” he reassured her before leaning toward and glimpsing at Eunbi, that was looking around in awe. “She seems quite excited, instead,” he chuckled, and she smiled after briefly glancing at the kid.

“Yeah, I was like her too the first time they let me walk these corridors,” she mumbled, trying to keep her composure and don’t let panic take over, but she still couldn’t put her heart at ease. Everything went fine for now, they arrived at the palace for a while now and they were waiting for Donghyuck to welcome them. They had arrived from the back of the palace, and only a few people saw them, mostly the guards and some maids that were walking in the corridors, hurrying to their rooms for their duties.

“Oh, why did they leave you here… the three of you?” Donghyuck opened the door, gaze moving back and forth between them, surprised to see them all. “Come in,” he said, letting them inside the hall of the first floor, leaving the garden and the arcades behind. 

“Thank you for having us,” she said, bowing slightly at him. 

“Well, technically this is your place, not mine,” he replied, walking toward the King’s chamber. 

“Wait, I have to see him right now?” She asked as soon as she realized the direction they were taking. She thought she was going to see her mother first, or he was going to make them settle for a while in her old room. 

He turned around, looking at her, “he’s dying. I thought you wanted to have one last word with him.” 

“Is it serious this time or is it just like when he wanted to run away from his responsibilities?” 

“It is serious. This might be your last chance.” 

She turned around, looking at Jaehyun and Eunbi, eyes communicating with him with silent words. 

“Go, I’ll wait here with her,” he reassured her. “There are many paintings on the walls that I can show her.”  

“No,” she said, “you two are coming with me. I want to show him that nothing, not even his wickedness, could stop me from loving you.” 

“I don’t think that’s a good idea,” Donghyuck chimed, still standing next to the door, hands behind his back and head high.  

She looked at him, not convinced of leaving them alone, but left with no other option, “if you hurt them, I’ll do the same to you.” 

“You still think I’ll betray you?” 

“Sorry if I can’t trust anybody here,” she said, opening the door ajar, but she stopped and turned around. “But I do want you to come in after. I want him to see that he couldn’t take away my happiness from me.”

When she stepped inside, the room was dark, only lit up by a dim lamp next to the bed. And her father was laying in the bed, sleeping, or seemingly so. She walked closer slowly, feeling her heart twist in her chest. No matter the hatred she felt for him in her heart, seeing him in those conditions after so many years still shocked her. There was nothing of the man she knew, just a hollow face, grey hair, and broken brown eyes. And he was all alone. Maybe what he deserved for all the pain he had caused people over the years.  

“Sca—Scarlett…” he mumbled, opening his eyes fully. “No, this can’t – it can’t be,” he huffed, chest panting heavily, struggling in his place, trying to drift further from her but with no strength anymore. “Are you a ghost? Are you here to haunt my last breaths?” 

“I am very much real, father,” she replied, not feeling a hint of compassion run in her veins. “I came back to take what I’m owed, my reign, my crown, my throne.” 

“I – I thought – you were dead,” he breathed out between coughs.  

“Surprise, I guess,” she joked, laughing coldly and shrugging. “Even if you wanted me dead so bad, I’m not.” 

“I – never wanted you dead,” he retorted, voice low and broken.  

“Right, you simply never wanted me. You wanted a boy, a boy you could raise as King, as the perfect heir my mother never could give you because she almost died giving birth to me. This is why you stopped loving her, this is why you never, not even once, looked at me with a glimpse of love or pride in your eyes no matter how perfect of an heir I was.” 

“You put shame on me.” 

“You put shame on yourself. You were the worst King that ever ruled over this reign, focusing on superficial matters instead of serious ones. What is most shameful? Love or greed?” 

“You know nothing,” he coughed, “about what you’re talking about. You can’t come back here and put more dishonour on our family.” 

She rolled her eyes, chuckling at his words. “And why? As if you’ll be here to see it, anyway. And if it won’t be me, it will be Donghyuck that, trust me, doesn’t care about this piece of land as much as he probably made you believe.” 

“He never loved you.” 

“I don’t truly care about that. I have love. The love of my life.” 

A mocking laugh rolled out of his lips, “still attached to that bodyguard buried six feet underground?” 

She snickered and then turned around, walking toward the door. And when she came back with Jaehyun and Eunbi by her side, her father almost felt his heart give up once and for all. 

“Are you talking about the next King and Princess?” 

The King felt his heart lose another beat when his gaze landed on the man in front of him and the child he was holding in his arms; the proof of the scandal that happened between them and stained their family forever. He truly believed Jaehyun was dead, that thought made him sleep at night, putting aside the need to kill him with his own hands. But he was alive, and so was his daughter and the child that was just another mistake, and he had no strength to get rid of him, or them. “He cannot be the King.” 

“Are you sure? You will not be here anyway; I do not need your blessing for this marriage.” 

“Your mother will never let you marry him, nor will Donghyuck or anybody else. Aren’t you ashamed?” 

“Aren’t you ashamed of yourself? Of never being a father to me? Jaehyun might not have royal blood in his veins but trust me, he is a better father than you’ve ever been. Eunbi has the love I’ve never, ever, received in my entire life. Not from you, at least. He is a man of honour and values, he knows the court rules, and he has always been by my side, never putting me or my intellect and my will down. He will be the best King that could ever stand beside me, and you will be in your grave with a heavy heart, full of bitterness and regret and anger, furious about my choices once again. But I’ll prove your ghost wrong. I’ll prove to you I can, and I will be better than you. This is my vow to you.” 

“You – you won’t.” 

“I will. This is a promise, an oath. And weren’t you the one telling me to always be true to what you promise?” 

When his father tried to retort once again and his voice struggled to come out, she grabbed Jaehyun’s hand and said, “let’s go,” before spinning on her heels.  

“Scarlett!” Her father shouted but she was already out of the door, feeling her heart beating faster than usual. 

“Mama,” Eunbi called, a worried expression on her little face. 

“Hey, baby,” she replied, lifting her head to stare at her. “I’m fine, Mama’s fine.” 

“You don’t seem to be,” Donghyuck said, standing next to them. 

“I want to see my mother,” she changed the topic after grabbing Eunbi from Jaehyun’s arms. “I want her to know she’s not alone anymore.” 

“Sure. I think she will be happy to see you again.” 

“What happened there?” Jaehyun whispered close to Scarlett’s ear when they started walking toward the morning room where her mother was staying. 

“The usual for him, the only thing he can do when it comes to me, my life and my choices.” 

“Pretty,” Eunbi exclaimed, staring at the paintings on the walls, index finger pointing at them. 

“Yeah, do you like it here?” 

She hummed as her head kept moving around to don’t lose a single frame on the wall. 

“Well, at least she’s happy,” Scarlett noted, intertwining her fingers with Jaehyun to search for some kind of comfort. She didn’t want to regret this, but facing her father was harder than she imagined. 

“It’s going to be alright,” he said, holding her hand tighter, leaving a small peck on her forehead and she smiled, squeezing his hand back. 

“Here we are,” after a few moments they arrived in front of the big room, “let me go in first,” Donghyuck said, opening the door. “Your Majesty,” he greeted, bowing politely. “There’s a special guest, well, three special guests that would like to see you.” 

“Oh, dear, could you please send them away? I do not wish to see anybody right now.” 

Donghyuck sighed, briefly looking back at Scarlett that was tightly holding the baby in her arms, silently imploring him to convince her to let them in. 

“Your Majesty, I’m sure you would be delighted to meet them. They are very dear to you.” 

The Queen chuckled bitterly, probably mixed with a choked sob, “I lost what I had dearer to me three years ago all because of that vile man and… I’m sure nobody can fill that hole left in my chest.” 

Hearing her words, Scarlett pushed Donghyuck to the side and entered the room, the Queens’ guards immediately cornered her. 

“Mother,” she said, looking at her through the swords in front of her. 

“Oh my,” the woman mumbled, covering her open mouth with her hand and standing up, legs shaking, incredulously looking at her, just like everyone else in the room did. 

“Her Highness, lady Scarlett,” the handmaids mumbled in whispers, looking at each other curiously to make sure none of them was imagining things. 

“You died,” the Queen cried, walking toward her, waving the guards away. “You… you.” 

“I’m here, mother. I’m safe and sound, always have been.” 

Her mother broke down crying, knees giving up, falling to the floor. Scarlett kneeled too, letting Eunbi stand on the floor, staring at the scene with curios, confused eyes. “The pain I felt all these years knowing you were gone without saying a word. Disappeared, killed by the waters as your father kept telling me half—truths and hiding what truly happened from me. The hollow I felt in my chest every time I passed by your chamber and you simply weren’t there, or when I had to host balls without you by my side. It’s a pain I wish for you to never feel, my dear,” she mumbled in the hug, a moment so intimate, so rare to see in the royal court. And Donghyuck swiftly ordered everybody to leave the room to talk to them and warn them to keep it a secret until things weren’t official. 

“I’m here, mother. And I am so sorry for all the pain I put you through, but I had to. They left me no other choice.” She helped her stand up, fixing the dress and then looking down when she saw a little hand touch the pearls on the gown. 

“Eunbi, don’t. It’s rude,” Scarlett scolded her that looked up in surprise. 

“But it’s pretty,” she whispered, unwillingly removing her hand from the fabric. 

“Oh, she’s your daughter? So, it was true? That’s why he urged to move the marriage?” 

Scarlett nodded and then stretched her hand back to signal Jaehyun to move closer. He didn’t have to stand behind them anymore, that was in the past. 

“Eunbi,” she called once again when she tried to climb on the sofa to see the tea pottery. 

“Oh, please, let her,” the Queen said in a light tone. “She’s just like you.” 

“Yeah, I guess we can agree on that. She’s very nice, just curious. I think it’s because of all the stimulation she gets from her uncles. They carry her everywhere, she’s wild.” 

“Uncles?” The older woman asked, turning back around, only now focusing on Jaehyun. “You... you are back? You already picked a bodyguard again?” 

Jaehyun coughed and Scarlett chuckled. “If I told you I need your blessing for a wedding?” 

“Sure, but with who? We should do all that again and,” she stopped, her stare finally falling where Jaehyun and Scarlett’s hands intertwined, and then she looked back at Eunbi that was sitting on the sofa, turning a golden spoon in her little hands. “You two? You had to run away because she is your daughter? I thought your father was simply mad because you consumed before the wedding with Prince Lee but you, oh…” 

“Mother, I know, but you can’t control love, can you? Your father too was against you and the King, but in the end, you married him anyway. We love each other, a bond so strong I know I’ll never feel it with anybody else. And Jaehyun’s so valuable, you know him. He was only twenty when you and the King decided to take him to court because you trusted his abilities and his morals, and you put my life in his hands. You saw him walking these halls and act no worse than any other nobleman with a title. You loved him back then, and so did every other lady from the ton. People thought he was a Prince from a faraway land for the way he carried himself, and for his composure, his way with words, and his intellect. He is the best man that could ever stay by my side in this.” 

Her mother smiled, holding back a smirk. “You sacrificed everything for your family, and you think I still need to hear all of this to give you my blessings? You think that as a mother I didn’t see the way you two looked at each other, dear? I couldn’t swear there was something going on, but the level of trust and friendship you had was far beyond a working relationship. Though, I must say, I believed you two would be able to put the flame down, especially you, Jaehyun.” 

“It was my fault,” she chimed in. “He always tried to respect the limits between us, but I couldn’t and eventually he gave in. But you’re not mad, right?” 

She chuckled, “Mad? And for what? Because you found love? Because you bloomed into an amazing, brilliant woman who fights for what she wants? I truly loved your father, dear, but I would’ve never done what you did for him and her. How could I come between a love so strong if not even the Gods above did?” 

They both smiled, looking at each other, and then looking at Eunbi... or where she was before. “Where is she now?” Scarlett almost screamed, panicking when she saw she wasn’t on the sofa anymore. 

“Book!” Eunbi screamed on the other side of the room where the small library was. 

“Yes, baby, a book, so many books but you can’t read them yet,” she reminded her, walking toward her with hurried steps. Walking was a blessing and a curse at the same time with her. Scarlett had hoped that she was going to stop being so active, but nothing changed over the years.  

“Johnny teaches me,” Eunbi complained, standing on her tippy toes, trying to grab one. 

“Yeah, but those are books for you.” 

“Does she know how to read?” The Queen asked Jaehyun as they stared at the scene in front of them. 

“A little bit, not full phrases but she occasionally can guess some easy words.” 

“Well, that’s impressive for her age.” 

“It is, but she mostly enjoys hearing those stories. Taeyong and Johnny love reading them to her.” 

“I feel like I’m missing something,” the Queen chuckled, feeling her head getting dizzier and dizzier with everything they said to her. 

“Oh, yeah, at the start we used to live with some friends of mine. They are her uncles.” 

The Queen was about to ask for more, wanting to catch up on how they lived during those years away, but Scarlett preceded her. 

“About them,” Scarlett chimed in after finally finding an old book with drawings to keep Eunbi occupied. “I would need another favour, Mother.” 

“Everything for you, dear,” she reassured her, holding her hand. “We should also celebrate to have you back.” 

The King’s chamber was quiet, with the guards standing straight at every corner. Not that they were needed anymore. Death didn’t knock on the King’s door through criminal hands, She gently walked in and decided to take him with Her. 

Slowly and painful. For him, at least. 

Because right now that Scarlett was standing at the feet of his bed, looking up and down at him, just like he had always looked at her, she felt an unexpected, thrilling pleasure rush through her bones. Somehow that felt to be exactly his place. 

That was the end he deserved, in her dreams with only fewer people mourning for him. 

She looked around and saw the ladies and noblemen shedding tears, and she chuckled lightly before turning back and siding next to Jaehyun. 

“You don’t seem sad,” he whispered, looking at her, the black veil shielding her face from being seen, the only sign of mourn she carried around along with her black dress and black gloves. 

“He didn’t mourn for me when I died,” she replied, crossing her arms while her eyes scanned the room, landing on her mother’s hand tightened around the King’s one, his hold weak; it was just a matter of seconds. And she wondered if her mother still loved him. She wondered how her mother could still love him, or feel any ounce of compassion and empathy for a being like him. She wouldn’t have held Jaehyun’s hand on his death bed if he only dared to treat Eunbi how her father treated her. If he did, she probably would’ve been the very reason why Jaehyun would’ve been on that bed. And yet, her mother was there, at his side until his last breath. Nevertheless, she had no idea if it was to keep up to the oaths on their wedding day and what the ton expected from her, or if it was her heart begging her to once again kneel beside a man that wasn’t worth it. 

“We can leave if you want to,” Jaehyun whispered, hoping for a yes because he didn’t want to stay there longer, but Scarlett shook her head. 

“I want to stay,” she answered, shrugging. “I don’t want to lose his last show. I’d very much love to be the last thing he sees before passing away only to make sure I will haunt his eternal suffering.” 

Jaehyun nodded, crossing his hands behind his back, studying the other people in the room. He too wondered how real their tears were, and how many of them had waited for this day to come, praying hard at night to the Saints and Gods. He wasn’t one of them, no matter how much he hated him, but now that death was seeping into the room, biding time before snatching the King’s soul away, he couldn’t help but feel relieved. 

And it seemed like death truly wanted to take Her sweet time, making him contort and cry in pain, playing with the clock that kept turning. Hours passed by before She finally snapped, grabbed Her axe and cut the string of his life, making him exhale one last breath, probably of relief, considering the pain of his last hours. 

And the smirk that curled Scarlett’s lips felt peculiarly cruel and bloody. Yet, she didn’t leave. She stayed there, watching people come and go, waiting for the maids to carry her mother’s body away from the dead one of her husband. 

And only once she was left alone, her feet dragged her close to the bed again, but this time at his side. 

A tender smile formed on her lips as her eyes scanned the relaxed, yet still pained expression on his face. “How much have I loved you, trying so hard to make you love me back,” she chuckled bitterly. “Only to think we could’ve had it all, if only you didn’t hate me so much for a stupid belief that women can’t be enough to reign,” she huffed, and then pushed the black veil out of her face, a grin on her lips, “It’s a shame you won’t see me in a crown.” 

“I can’t believe I’m at the royal palace, have you ever thought you would find yourself here?” Johnny exclaimed, trying to fit into the suit they were given to wear. 

“If the King wanted my head on a silver plate, maybe,” Yuta replied, hating the way the clothes hugged his body. “You wore those every day, man?” 

Jaehyun sighed, rolling his eyes, and then adjusting the buttons. “You can survive for just one night, maybe you’ll even find a Lady of your liking. If somebody can stand you.” 

“Yeah, and what kind of money do I offer her?” 

“The money you’ll be making to be the jewellery that creates the crown jewels,” Scarlett answered, entering the door. 

“Hey! What if we were naked?” Doyoung complained, covering his already covered body with his hands. 

“The first time you saw me, I was leg spread on the couch being split in two. I think we can say we left the concept of privacy far behind, also considering every single one of you have seen my boobs probably more than Jaehyun did.” 

“Fine,” he replied as the other chuckled under their breaths.

“Can we still court them if we’re not nobles? Wouldn’t they be looking out for somebody with a background family of some importance?” Yuta asked, going back to their conversation. 

“You don’t need a high society woman, Yuta. You wouldn’t last a second with someone raised like they are.” 

“I get along with you, you’re next to be Queen. How can I not get along with a Duchess?” 

“I am the last person you should compare to them,” she replied. “Also, get ready swiftly and put these badges on your coats.” 

“I thought you weren’t giving us honorary titles?” 

“It’s all up to you. My mom says she would be very glad to, but I suggested we could wait. Let all of you open your shops, do something for the society and then give you, and some other shoppers, a title. Or something like that.” 

“Is a title necessary? Doesn’t it come with a lot of responsibilities? I don’t think I want them,” Mark replied, looking at himself in the mirror, loving the way the expensive fabric felt on his skin. “We’re here, we won’t have to fight for fine materials anymore. And we’re best friends with the Queen and the King.” 

“Calm now,” Scarlett told him. “We’re not Queen and King yet. But yes, if you don’t want titles then we’re fine like this.” 

“Can we come to visit you even without that?” Taeyong asked. 

“You will see Eunbi, yes,” she replied, smiling at him. “Actually, I was thinking, we could find somebody else to help Jaemin with the bakery and you could be her main caretaker. I would feel much safer knowing she’s with you than anybody else. And also, you’re the only one that knows how to keep her calm.” 

“Are you serious? You want me to be there with her?” He stood up from his seat, eyes sparkling while he stared at her in surprise.

“Yeah, are you okay with —” 

“Yes! Yes, yes, yes, I want to,” he exclaimed, rushing to hold her in a tight hug.  

“This is so unfair, he will become her favourite soon,” Johnny whined. 

“Oh, please, she loves you. Also, when it’s the time you’ll have one yourself with Juilet?” 

“No, thanks. Watching other kids is fun, having one of your own is not. Juliet and I are perfectly fine like this.” 

She smiled and then said, “We should also plan for your wedding.” 

“You? I thought you became a Queen, not an event assistant.” 

“Shut up, I won’t plan it. But I’ll give you the palace for free and I could pick things with her.  Maybe even design her dress. I want to design mine, would it be a bad idea, Jaehyun?” 

“I think you should relax, is the wedding such an urge?” 

“Well, no, but also, yes.” 

“Are you once again thinking about what the ton will think? They know, we have a three years old baby running around the palace, she will be at our side during events. A wedding now won’t make us go back to being saints. And you also know damn well nobody crossing these halls is holy, married or not.” 

“I have a feeling he knew all the spicy things that happened back then,” Mark joked but agreed with him.

“Everybody knows them, they just make less rumours than us.” 

“Are you fine, dear?” The Queen asked, staring at her daughter’s face as the maid finished fixing Scarlett’s hair in a beautiful hairstyle. 

“Yeah, it’s just weird having so many people doing things for me again,” she confessed and one of the youngest handmaidens smiled at her through the mirror. 

“Your Highness, I know it shall not be my place, but I admire you so much,” she confessed, making her turn around in stupor. 

“Oh, and what for?” 

“The way you fought for love and then came back to save your reign and the people from falling into stranger’s hands. I’ve always known I could count on you when the throne was to be passed. I was truly saddened by the announcement of your passing, the whole town mourned you for days, we felt hopeless. But now, knowing that for years you had been one of us doesn’t make us feel so lonely anymore.” 

She smiled softly at her, “It is my duty, and I hope I will not let you down.” 

“I am sure you will not, Your Highness.” 

She beamed, and whispered, “You may call me Scarlett if you want to,” making them giggle and then walk back when the Queen glared at the three. 

“Your Highness, your daughter is giving us trouble falling asleep,” another maid entered the room, exhausted look on her face, or well, something more than exhausted.  

“Oh, I will come and see her.” 

“The jewels,” her mother called, pointing at the set of pearls that she still had to wear. 

“I’ll wear it later,” she replied, walking out of the room, not paying mind to her mother’s annoyed expression.  

“I’m sorry, but she keeps calling you and her father and she says she does not like us,” she explained, and Scarlett sighed before humming lowly. 

“She doesn’t mean it like that. We are used to spending some time together before bedtime, and she’s simply not used to you. I also think this place is so big it can get overwhelming for her.” 

The maid nodded and then opened the door of the nursery. “Eunbi, baby,” Scarlett cooed, walking to her as soon as she saw the state she was in, screaming and crying, sitting on a chair as other women were around her trying to calm her down. “Mama’s here,” she tranquillized her, lulling her in her arms. 

“Where were you?” She asked, trying to talk through the sniffles and sobs. 

“I was getting ready, little bird.” 

“I want to be with you and Papa,” she cried, clinging her small fist around her dress, afraid she was going to leave her again with people she didn’t like. They were all strangers and, as nice as they were, they weren’t her parents or her uncles and aunt.

Scarlett sighed, before looking at the maids that were shaking their heads, already imagining what she was proposing. 

“Why not?” 

“With all respect, my lady, but she’s a little too energetic. It’s the first ball of the season, the royal ball, and we are not allowed in the hall.” 

“That’s right,” she agreed, waving her hand, “you are dismissed, a night of rest, you must have your own things to do. Some cakes won’t be served tonight, you can go in the kitchen and eat them and have a party together or whatever.” 

“Your Highness, you shall take care of the guests tonight, you cannot think about the baby.” 

“I traveled two countries while I carried my baby. I gave birth in a home with just one doctor and my two dearest friends. I took care of a house and worked in a tailor shop while thinking of my baby, so I’m more than sure I can take care of her and some guests while hosting my ball.” 

“We didn’t mean to,” one of them started apologizing but she stopped them right away.  

“No need to apologize. But I don’t want you to think that she’s a weight for you. I put her in this world, and I will take care of her with her father. You are here to help if it’s needed, and I can assure you, right now, it’s not. Take care of yourself for tonight,” she said with a smile on her face, grabbing a bag with everything necessary to fix her for the night. “And I’m sure she’ll grow to love you, right, baby?” 

Eunbi nodded against her mom’s shoulder and then they walked out of the door, leaving the other women speechless. 

“If you wanted a fancy dress, you could’ve told me this afternoon,” Scarlett joked, walking toward her room again. 

Eunbi chuckled, “I wanted a lullaby, they don’t know how to sing.” Her nose turned up at the memory of one of them trying to sing to convince her to sleep, but nothing could come close to the sound of her father’s voice and her mother harmonizing together.  

Scarlett laughed, “Oh, you won’t get a lullaby but I’m sure grandma called the best orchestra in town to play for tonight. Would you like it anyway?” 

Eunbi nodded happily, clapping her hands while smiling brightly at the idea. She had no idea of what exactly was going on around her. She didn’t know why they didn’t live in their small house anymore and she had no idea for how long they were going to stay there, but she liked it. It was new, it was exciting, and it was full of sparkling things. 

“What is she doing here?” The Queen asked, eyes wide open after she blinked repeatedly to make sure she was seeing right. 

“Guess why? I think this will be her first public appearance.” 

“But Your Highness, she doesn’t have a proper dress, she doesn’t know how to behave,” a maid replied and then Queen nodded. 

“I have designed a dress that can fit for tonight, I’m glad I bought it with me when I packed. And I know that she’s joyful, but she is polite, she’s just three, let her be. I can take care of her.” 

“You are back in society after everything that happened, you know things can’t go wrong,” The Queen reminded her, walking toward her that was already changing Eunbi into the new dress. 

“It won’t go wrong, mother, please, trust me.” 

The Queen sighed and then stared at Eunbi that was actually letting her mother dress her up, closing the back of her baby blue dress, fitting perfectly the theme of the night. 

“You made it?” 

“What?” 

“The dress.” 

“Yeah, I worked in a tailoring, discovered I���m pretty good at it.” 

“Your Highness made it?” A maid asked curiously, and she nodded. “You sure are a rare gem, so gifted in every aspect.” 

“Oh, I am flattered, thank you.” 

“May we help you with her?” Another one asked, smiling politely at her. 

“Could you do her hair?” 

“Sure, we could give her the same style we gave you,” they replied. “You’ll look amazing.” 

“Yes, like Mama!” Eunbi chanted, looking at the two maids with a wide smile, making their hearts melt. 

“Should we walk to the vanity table, Princess?” They proposed to her, reaching out a hand which she grabbed immediately, walking to the table with small jumps, trying to climb on the chair alone, and succeeding soon. 

“Oh, you’re so strong, honey,” a maid praised, and she gifted her a smile full of pride. 

“Thank you, I work out,” she replied, leaning closer to the table amazed by the shiny object. 

“Do you?” A maid asked as they started to work on her hair, and she nodded.

“With uncle Johnny,” she explained cheerfully. “He’s stronger than me.” 

“And what do you do with him? Push—ups?” 

Scarlett chuckled, at ease that Eunbi seemed to be comfortable enough with them compared to the other maids.

“She’s a lot,” her mother said with a smirk on her face. “Be careful of uncomfortable questions she might ask tonight.” 

“I’m sure she will be more mesmerized by the lights and flowers and all the shiny things. She mostly loves to talk about the things that she knows, and she also has a vivid imagination, she might entertain people with her weird made—up stories.” 

The Queen chuckled, “She also has a heart of gold, you two did an amazing job raising her.” 

“I thought you were going to criticize me,” she giggled. 

“How can I? I wasn’t half as present for you as you are for her. I’m proud of you, Scarlett.” 

“What is she doing here?” Jaehyun asked, he was waiting behind the wooden door that led to the stairs of the main hall, fitted in his new suit, not the one of the bodyguard, but one made just for him.  

“Papa,” Eunbi screamed, running to Jaehyun, hugging his leg. 

“She was supposed to stay inside,” he said to Scarlett that just shrugged and reached his side. 

“She’s here,” she replied, running her hand over her corset, not used to wearing these types of clothes anymore. 

“Yeah, I can see.” 

“Papa,” she called, looking up at him, “two beautiful ladies made my hair.”  

“Styled, honey, they styled your hair,” he corrected. “And I see they did an amazing job, you look beautiful.”  

“Thank you, Dada. You look beautiful too.” He smiled at her, watching as she kept touching the pearls that decorated her hair, and then turned to Scarlett. 

“Is this a good idea?” 

“She was screaming like crazy, she doesn’t get along with her ladies.” 

“Oh, nice. Well, does she knows about Yong, yet?”

“Not, yet. I think we should tell her after she starts to get along with at least one of them,” she joked. “What if he can’t be here for other reasons? We won’t be able to always have free time to look after her,” she explained, making him hum in agreement, and then she kneeled to talk to her directly. 

“This is a very important night, honey. I know you’re not used to all of this, and I know this isn’t the life you expected to have but this is our reality now. We’ll meet so many people, welcoming us into the society again and,” she stopped, trying to form the words and Jaehyun kneeled next to her. 

“Just know that you have to smile at them, don’t make any bad remarks, and well, no jumping or running around.” 

“Okay, I’ll be good, like a princess, right? The one we see in the movie.” 

“Yeah, just like them.” 

“Scarlett, Jaehyun,” the Queen called them. “They are all here. I shall go first, and then I’ll invite you in. Are you ready?” 

They looked at each other and then nodded. 

When the trumpets played and the doors opened, Scarlett felt her heart drop for a second but Jaehyun’s hands intertwining with her made her relax for a moment. 

“It’ll be alright, love,” he whispered, straightening his back and looking forward. And she couldn’t help but smile back while also holding Eunbi’s little hand in hers. 

“Dear guests,” her mother chanted, “We’re very pleased to have you all here. This is surely not the first ball of the season we were expecting to host with the sudden, unexpected and saddening passing of the King. I am deeply sorrowful by the occurrence, but we must move on. We must celebrate life, new beginnings, and new comebacks. In the darkness of these past days, a newfound light shined on us and will shine on all of you. Brighter than ever before. I am delighted to let you know that this reign won’t fall into foreign hands. I am pleased to announce the return of the very honourable heir that this reign ever had. The future Queen and King of Havenglow.” 

The trumpets played again as the Queen stepped aside and people murmured, curios and thrilled just as surprised as they were. 

Scarlett tightened the hold around both of their hands and then they all stepped inside. 

The room went quiet immediately and for a moment she felt like passing out, regretting having accepted what Donghyuck proposed, not even finding him in the crowd, and feeling that having the people she loved the most at her side wasn’t enough. But then her father crossed her mind, that was what he wanted, to see her fall apart. So she smiled and straightened her back; that was what she was made for. 

“Good evening, everybody,” she greeted with a welcoming smile on her face. “I could repeat what the Queen said about the sad news about the parting of the King, but I do believe this night is not made to mourn the death but just as she said to celebrate life. I am very aware of the surprise on your faces and more so in your hearts. I disappeared and was declared dead, so surely seeing me here now, was the last thing any of you expected. Even more with a man and a child by my side. I am, in fact, also aware of all the rules I did not respect, of the sins, as most of you might want to call, I have committed. But I am also aware that none of us in this room is certainly a saint,” she chuckled, looking around, purposefully laying her gaze on the people she remembered sinned the most. “I do believe, however, that expecting perfection from human beings is quite an absurdity and I think we shall focus on the present good things that life has to offer, as wrong as they may seem. I do hope you won’t judge me for the love I gave and fought for, but I do hope you will trust me, knowing I will fight for my country just as much as I fought to be free of loving who I truly wanted and the child of what bonds us together. This new season will also bring new couples together and I hope you won’t let a rank come between you and the person you love. I know that darkness fell on this country a long time ago, even before my sudden department, even before the King’s illness. I am sure that I do have all the ability to take the throne and reign with the right strength and will to make the sun shine again and bring prosperity to our land. I hope you will not look back at my past with shame or judgment, but I hope you will carry me through the future that I have planned for all of us.” 

The room broke out into a wave of claps and cheers, and she finally breathed again before looking back at her mother that seemed rather surprised at the outcome of her first public speech. 

“May the ball begin,” she declared, waving a hand to the orchestra before turning around to reach the Queen and make their way down the stairs. 

“You are insane,” her mother whispered next to her, making her giggle lowly. 

“For being honest? Isn’t that what a Queen should do? If I hid something from them it would’ve made it worst.” 

“I guess the rhetoric classes came to be useful,” Jaehyun joked. “You were amazing.” 

“Thank you,” she whispered, still holding his hand tight. 

As soon as they reached the floor they were crowded with people politely bowing to them and asking for a talk. 

“Your Highness,” they bowed as she smiled back at them, nudging Jaehyun that was about to bow too, and holding back a laugh at how he surely wasn’t used to the reversed roles. 

“Lady Miyamoto, am I right?” 

“Yes, Your Highness, it’s an honour you still remember and it fills me with joy to know you are safe and back to lead our country.” 

“I’m glad to hear it, hope you can support me in this journey.” 

“Is she your child?” The lady then asked, looking at Eunbi that was busy glancing around. 

“She is,” Scarlett smiled at her. “She was actually supposed to be sleeping by now but what can I say, balls are tempting even at such a young age.” 

Lady Miyamoto smiled fondly at the kid that looked up at her and waved. “Hello,” Eunbi greeted, waving her hand. “Your dress is beautiful; lilac is my favourite colour.” 

“Oh,” the woman almost gasped, surprised at how chatty she was. “I will surely wear it more often when I’ll be invited at the royal’s events, then.” 

Eunbi nodded, and then the attention was back at the room. 

“I shall take her with me,” the Queen proposed, reaching out her hand to the kid that grabbed it swiftly, excited to see more. “Go chat with the guests, honey.” 

“I shall let you talk with others, Your Highness, it was an honour meeting you.” 

“It was nice to talk to you, Lady Miyamoto,” she greeted before moving around the room to meet other guests. 

“Your highness,” Lady Fernsby smiled at them. “I always said you were to make an amazing King, definitely your face and your composure much more elevated to be only a bodyguard.” 

Jaehyun smiled, bowing his head before Scarlett coughed. “Oh, yes, I think I’m going to drag this with me for a long time,” he joked, making everybody chuckle. 

“You have always been such a nice man; I remember when you pulled me out of the lake in the country house and didn’t say a word to save my reputation.” 

“The less I could do for an amazing lady like you,” he replied, lips pulled in a polite smile. 

“You two are indeed the brightest diamonds that ever crossed these halls. I feel blessed to know you will be the one leading the country, I am sure you will do exemplary.” 

“Thank you so much, Lady Fernsby, you always had nice words for me.” 

“It is what you deserve. May life only bring happiness to the three of you. I glimpsed at the little lady, she seems joyful.” 

“She sure is. Not much different from her mother, I still remember all the chaos I caused when I was young before Irina came and finally taught me how to be a proper lady.” 

“It was funny, you cheered all of us quite often.” 

“Glad to hear it, hope she will bring just as much happiness as I did.” 

After what felt ages, they had greeted everybody and Jaehyun sighed, walking to an empty corner. “God, I had forgotten how exhausting this was.” 

“Oh, come on, it won’t be like this at other events. It was our first public appearance, we made an amazing impression,” she said, taking his hand in hers. “You’re not regretting this, right?” 

He shook his head, “No, I just was overwhelmed, well, positively, considering they all seemed accepting. I hope they mean their nice words for real and this is not just fake niceties.” 

“I’m sure it’s not, they all saw me grow up, they know I am better than my father. It was just shocking at first, we are quite an unusual thing. I can’t wait to read what the journal will write about this.” 

Jaehyun laughed, “You still love gossip, don’t you?” 

“Yeah, especially about this first night. They decided the best dresses and the worst, and you have no idea about the ladies breaking down crying for their low ranks.” 

“And you were always at the top.” 

“As it should be.” 

“Maybe it was because they didn’t want to get in trouble,” he joked. 

“Or because I look good even in a bedsheet,” she winked with a teasing smirk on her face.  

“True.” 

“Isn’t it weird?” 

“What? That you look good in everything?” 

“No, silly. How the last time we’ve been here it was the end of our story. How I danced with Donghyuck as the realization hit us both. How we thought we were over.” 

“Indeed, it is. I never imagined I was going to hold your hand in public and be called Your Highness, but life’s unexpected.” 

She smiled and moved a little closer to him. “Are you sure you truly want this? Are you sure I’m not asking you too much? That I’m not forcing you into a role you don’t want?” 

“Scarlett, I would follow you everywhere. If I could’ve, I would’ve married you three years ago. I never wanted anything else but to be by your side. I’m simply not used to this life, not from this point of view. I just need time to adjust to this new role but I’ve been adjusting to so many things, I can promise you this won’t take much time.” 

“I don’t want to rush you, I just want you to give yourself value. I know it must come natural to bow at them but you are next to be King, brag about that,” she winked at him, swinging her hips against his before walking toward the centre again, mostly looking for Eunbi. 

“You know what’s also different, now?” He asked, reaching her, and she hummed, waiting for his answer. “That we can’t sneak out of this room anymore.” 

She laughed, lowering her head to don’t show it, and then coughed to gain back her composure. “Shut up and don’t tempt me, I am still very much unhinged.” 

“Maybe the next ball where we’ll have less attention on us,” he proposed with a playful smirk. 

“Oh, dears, you are here. How was it?” The Queen asked, turning around with Eunbi in her arms. 

“Fine, they were all so nice,” she replied with a smile on her face. “Aren’t you getting a little too spoiled, little one?” She asked, bopping the kid’s nose that chuckled at her. 

“I saw my uncles, Yuta was talking with a pretty lady,” she whispered, scrunching her nose. 

“Oh,” Scarlett gasped, pretending to be surprised, “Was he? Are you getting another aunt before the end of the season?” 

“She’s smart, she told me she speaks five languages,” she added. 

“It’s lady Heroux’s second daughter, she definitely is a smart lady.” 

“Oh, I remember her, we used to play together when we went to the countryside. When are we hosting a ball there?” 

“Midseason, don’t you remember?” 

“Oh, not really. Shouldn’t you put her down?” 

“I want Johnny,” Eunbi said as the Queen put her down again. 

“I don’t know where he is, oh, here you are,” she said when Johnny placed a hand around her shoulder. 

“Am I allowed to do this or should I be escorted away from you?” He joked. 

“If you did it when I was her bodyguard, I would’ve already stabbed you,” Jaehyun replied with a low chuckle. 

“Thank God, you’re not anymore.” 

“Don’t show that you’re so close, though,” the Queen warned him, almost rolling her eyes, feeling they were going to make her go insane one of these days. She had got the chance to know them during the first dinner when they arrived there and they were very nice men but surely not used to the court rules at all. And had no limits between each other, she was speechless to find out how her daughter had given birth. 

“Not to go against the Queen’s words but won’t this be useful to bring clients to our jewellery store? How are we going to create the best jewels for the crown if we don’t have money?” 

“We will give enough money to you, darling, no need to worry.” 

“Oh, let it slide, mother. He is engaged, I am too, a little hand on the shoulder is definitely not the scandal of the night when we exist.” 

“Whatever, I am going to entertain the guests, leave you with the little devil.” 

“Come here to Johnny, little devil,” Johnny chanted, kneeling to grab Eunbi. 

“We carry her up more now than when she was a little kid.” 

“Now she’s a woman,” Jaehyun joked. 

“Oh, please, you know what I meant.” 

“I couldn’t find you,” Juliet said, finally reaching them. “Of course, holding her.” 

“Are you jealous?” Johnny smirked. 

“No, but I do wonder sometimes if you love her more than you love me,” she chuckled. 

“You have to forgive him, like he and Taeyong love to say, they birthed her with me.” 

Juliet laughed and then said, “I’ll let this slide just because I too love her so much, right baby?” She cooed, sending her a flying kiss that she caught giggling. “By the way, you were amazing during the speech. I don’t know how you didn’t panic, and you were so convincing, you surely will be an amazing Queen.” 

“Thank you, Jules, it was nerve—wracking, but the silent judgment was even worst, so…” 

“Can I talk to you after I fed you and your kid for three years or are you unreachable already?” Renjun’s high voice reached them making her turn around. 

“Where have you been? I couldn’t find you,” she exclaimed, hugging him.

“I was busy spreading the word of my business, fueling the rumours about you working with me in the past, hope it works since I gave up my first shop in my hometown to come here with you.” 

“As if you can live without your two best friends. Jaemin and Jeno packed their bags faster than the wind when the offer was given, you wouldn’t have stayed there without them.” 

“Caught, but I still hope this will be successful. Also, I’ll miss having you around,” Renjun confessed with a sad smile curling his lips.  

“You’ll surely find somebody else, maybe Juliet. You looked interested in the matter, right?” 

“Oh, I did, but I never worked in a similar place,” she confessed. 

“Neither did I when I first arrived. You should try. Well, unless you don’t have other interests, I don’t want to force you to work with him.” 

“No, you’re not forcing me. I wouldn’t want to be a burden for him.” 

“Maybe for now you might help with the front desk and then we’ll see,” Renjun proposed. “And you will send me design ideas sometimes.” 

“I’ll be busy with my duties, Junie, I can’t,” Scarlett replied. 

“Talking about duties,” The Queen intervened, now standing behind the small group. “Your first dance of the night and the season. A waltz.” 

“Sure, I almost forgot,” she whispered. 

Jaehyun walked past her and then leaned out his hand, “May I have this dance?” 

She smiled, grabbing his hand, and then answered, “I’d be delighted, my King.” 

Walking to the middle of the room while people made way for them and they had no need to hide in the corridors room, felt new and never imagined before. They didn’t have to hide anymore. They could dance for real and not only do that in the gardens with the faint music playing from the windows. They could hold hands, talk with each other freely, and more. 

She felt her heart jump in her chest when his hand placed on the small of her back as the other stayed tied with hers in the air. “This feels surreal,” she whispered, sparkling eyes looking up at him. Chest warming up at seeing how relaxed he was, it wasn’t like back then when he was terrified of being found with her and his hands would shake and his steps skip. 

Jaehyun smiled fondly and then said, “But luckily for us it’s real. Can’t believe the practice we used to have together in your room after the dance classes turned out useful.” 

She chuckled, “Or the dancing in the small kitchen back at Seashore.” 

“I’m kind of sad we had to leave that house, we spent weeks putting it back together.” 

“My mother said we can redo some rooms here if we want to, we could do it ourselves.” 

“Maybe this time around Eunbi can help with something instead of just crawling around and making us panic over the smallest things.” 

“Yes, sure, she’s going to run around this time making us panic,” she replied with a giggle, briefly looking back and seeing that she was dancing in Johnny’s arms as they playfully imitated the waltz movements. “We should redo the guests’ rooms for the boys, customize them based on their likings. And maybe also the hall, it’s kind of old, isn’t it?” 

“If we look at how old the place is, we should redo everything, love,” he replied, eyes drifting from her face to look at the room for a second. It had been years, and nothing had changed, probably it only worsened. “But yes, we can surely add a breath of fresh air starting with some rooms.” 

“I don’t want our room to be my parent’s one,” she confessed, leaving in her brain the fact that, if she could’ve, she would’ve burned it. “Can we use my old room and decorate it together? Maybe we could make it bigger and tear down the wall that divided our rooms.” 

Jaehyun smiled, oh how much he had dreamed to do that back then. He couldn’t even describe the hate he felt toward that mass of bricks that separated them. “Like a symbol of victory?” 

“Yeah, also. You have no idea how much I hated that wall between us back then. You were just on the other side and yet you could never be close to me. But now it’s not like that anymore.” 

He beamed at her and then said, “We’ll definitely do it.” 

“And I also want Eunbi to be closer to us until she’s little, then we can change her to whatever room she likes but for now I want to have her close.” She wasn’t paranoic but she couldn’t understand how her mother slept knowing that the nursery was so far away from their chamber. Oh well, thinking about it, it was because she had been raised by maids. If she cried there was a maid wiping her tears and feeding her milk, if she had nightmares there was a maid singing her a lullaby or reading her a story. And as much as she knew her mother loved her, she wondered why she didn’t love her just as much as she loved Eunbi. 

Scarlett wouldn’t ever be able to sleep at night, knowing that her kid was probably crying and calling her name and some other woman was there instead to dry her little face. She was her mother, she had decided to put her in this world, even if she wasn’t expected, Scarlett wanted Eunbi with every cell of her body, so what was the point of wanting her and then not taking care of her? And for a moment the thought that not even her mother really wanted her hit, but Jaehyun dragged her out of her thoughts…

“You’re already thinking about when she’ll be a teenager?” 

She shook her head, trying to focus on the music and their conversation and not let sadness take over, “I’m just saying. Not even a teenager, maybe, when she’s eight?” 

He nodded, nose scrunching up at the idea of her being so big… eight years old, that was just four years away, and considering how fast the past four years passed… “I don’t want to think about it, let me enjoy that small troublemaker.” 

She chuckled, and then went silent, thinking about something that was going on in her brain for a lot of time now. And Jaehyun got it from the way her eyes were looking at him, daydreaming about something she wanted him to know but yet was too afraid to confess. 

“What’s running in that mind?” 

“Nothing, I mean, not something we can have right now.” 

Jaehyun raised a brow, and then knitted them together; didn’t they already have everything they could ask for? “What’s something we can’t have now? A horse? Another house? What’s missing?” 

“No, it’s not about the economical stability, it’s just that it will be a worry and we can’t add it to the list. There’s our wedding to think about first, the coronation, Johnny and Juliet’s wedding, and our new roles.” 

“Are you thinking about what I think you’re thinking?” He asked, a smug smirk on his face curling his lips and making his dimples pop out. 

She sighed as they kept moving with the music. “It’s been more than three years since we had her, and a part of me wants to focus on her but a small, small part wants another one. I want you to be by my side this time around, I want to live a tranquil pregnancy, for what it can be, and I want to make our family grow,” she confessed, staring into his eyes. This wasn’t a talk they had the chance to have for Eunbi, at least not with a sober mind, not in between dirty sheets and lust—hazed brains. Back then it was just a game, a joke. 

Jaehyun smiled, ears turning red as he tried to hide it by lowering his head.

“You were thinking about this too!” She squealed.  

“Shh, don’t scream. But yes,” he admitted, “I didn’t want to pressure you. Also, things just started going well, I thought that adding another family member was dumb and reckless.” 

Scarlett let out a sigh, and tightened the hold on their intertwined hands, “I thought I was going crazy for how badly I wanted another one.” 

Jaehyun shook his head to reassure her. If he had to be honest, he wanted another one far before then just some months ago, not being there for her during the first one had killed him. “Well, after the wedding and everything, we could try.” 

“But what if it’s too soon for her? What if we can’t love her the same? Or even for us, she’s still young and she��s a lot to take.” 

“She’s showered with love, I’m sure she won’t miss any. And if everything goes well at the first try, which I doubt we’ll be that lucky again, she’ll be fourth and a half old.”

Scarlett hummed, “It’s so weird to plan it, though. Is it how people normally do?” 

“You’re not planning it, you’re just making sure everybody’s okay with the possible arrival of a baby. Don’t stress yourself over this. It will be fine,” he reassured her, the hand on her back doing small circles and then the music stopped. 

They pulled apart, small smiles on their faces, and bowed at each other before walking to the side again. 

“You are good dancers,” Eunbi cheered as soon as they came back to her. 

“Do you want to dance with Daddy?” Jaehyun proposed, asking for her hand, smiling when she grabbed it and dragged him to the dance floor. 

“Uh, uh, the journals are going to be filled with gossip tomorrow,” Johnny sang, siding Scarlett that was looking at the scene, while he was busier watching the looks on the others’ faces. 

“I think the ton will be filled with things to talk about for a long time,” she replied, smirking and then turning to him as they laughed way too loudly for the occasion. “I seriously need to go back to being serious. You are a terrible company, Johnny.” 

“You loved my company in the past years, and I was the best person that could’ve been by your side,” he replied. 

“You were,” she agreed, “I mean, you are. Maybe not very fitting for this place, but it will do. People will get used to it.” 

“I can’t believe that this is scandalous,” Johnny confessed. He totally got why it was, but he didn’t get how it was a problem to start with. “Your father never danced like this with you?” He asked, eyes now focused on Jaehyun that was bent, trying to dance and at the same time hold Eunbi’s hands while she moved to the rhythm and laughed loudly at every missed step of her father. 

Scarlett pursed her lips together, pushing down the lump in her throat at his words, “No. He never even said he loved me,” she confessed, a small, bitter chuckle rolling out of her lips. “He had never been proud of me in any way. He never held my hand while I was struggling on my feet to take my first steps, he never rushed to be back here afraid he would miss my first words. And nothing changed when I was big enough to truly understand how much he couldn’t stand me,” she whispered the last words while her head faced the marble floor for a split second before looking again at Jaehyun and Eunbi. “I spent my entire life trying to change him, trying to be the best daughter he could’ve ever wished for. I even thought that maybe he was right at being so stern with me, I had to be good enough to be a Queen and he just wanted me to be my absolute best but now,” she had to stop to take a deep breath, and then went on, “now I know that I wasn’t the problem. I look at Eunbi and I’m so proud already and I do not really care what she’ll become as long as she’ll be happy. And you have no idea how glad I am to know that I ended up with Jaehyun and life didn’t tear us apart because she won’t ever have to fight for his love, she won’t have to get on bleeding knees and beg for him to look at her with kindness instead of disgust. She is loved, deeply, and I hope she can feel it.” 

Johnny’s arms wrapped around her shoulders, not caring that people could see, “I’m sure she knows,” he reassured her. “You and Jaehyun are amazing parents, and I’m sure that even this new thing won’t change that for her.”  

She smiled, leaning her head against his shoulder for a moment before the other two reached them once the orchestra finished playing the song. 

“Honey, are you trying to put us through more scandals?” Jaehyun asked, raising a brow at where they were united. “He looks like he could be your new bodyguard, you don’t want people to say you have a thing for them, right?” 

Johnny rolled his eyes and then moved back, letting Jaehyun take her side, while Scarlett winked at him, “But I do have a thing for bodyguards,” she whispered in his ears. 

“Careful, I’m not one anymore,” he reminded her before Eunbi called for their attention and she simply smirked at him as a reply. 

“Mama, did you see?” She asked, looking up at her while her hand pointed at the dance floor, “Was I good like you?” 

Scarlett smiled tenderly, “Oh, sweetie, you are so much better than your Mama,” she replied with a sweet tone.   

Eunbi smiled brightly, rocking her body around while her hand played together in embarrassment. “I told you I was better than her,” she said to her father and Jaehyun raised his hand in defence. 

“I think that too, but I was trying to be nice with Mama,” he said. 

“You two are always so cruel with me,” Scarlett played along, pretending to be offended, chin up and placing her fists at her sides. 

“You do have a beautiful gown, Mama,” she said, running to hug her, face smashed against her leg. “And, don’t tell it,” she whispered, looking around to make sure nobody was listening, “but you are the prettiest lady in this room,” she smiled smugly, hiding her face in her dress again, making her parents laugh. “The prettiest lady in the whooole world.” 

“Thank you, little bird,” she replied, kneeling at her height. “You are a very beautiful young lady too; I wonder where your parents are, I suppose they look amazing.” 

She giggled, throwing her head back laughing, showing her small teeth. “They are also very kind, and they love me so much. You should try my Mommy’s Sunday cake, and my Daddy’s lullabies.” 

Jaehyun kneeled too, and smiled at them, “maybe we could start with Daddy’s lullabies tonight, don’t you think so?” He proposed, eyeing the big clock in the middle of the ballroom. It wasn’t late for them, but for her, it was definitely past bedtime. 

“Do I have to go to sleep?” She pouted, lower lip out and sweet doe eyes trying to corrupt them. 

“Eyes closed, you’re not fooling Dada, baby,” he said, lifting her and tickling her. 

“But dad!” She squealed between laughs, doing grabby hands to ask her mother to help. 

“Dad’s right,” Scarlett told her when Jaehyun stopped the ‘torture’ and she calmed in his arms. “It’s way too late for you, Princess. You shouldn’t have even been here.” 

“But here is pretty, everything shines,” she complained, still pouting. 

“How are you not tired?” Jaehyun asked as they started walking out of the door while Scarlett informed the Queen they were going to put her to bed and then come back as soon as they could. 

“Because I have this dress that gives me aaalll the energy in the world,” she said, spreading her arms in an exaggerated description.

“Really?” He pretended to be surprised. “So, it gives you superpowers?” 

She nodded, smiling, and he almost melted when he saw his dimple pop out on her cheek and Scarlett’s wrinkles show under her eyes. 

“Then we’ll have to take this beautiful dress off and get into your comfortable pjs with teddy bears, don’t you think so?” 

“But that doesn’t have powers,” she whined, and then looked at her mom that reached them. Ballroom now long gone behind them as they kept walking down the corridors to reach the nursery. “I don’t want to sleep.” 

“But you have to,” Scarlett said. “You’ve been up all day, and you danced all night, and you know that even superheroes must sleep, right? How do you fight if you’re tired?” She told her, having heard the conversation since the palace was silent in the halls. 

“Fine, but will we ever come back there? I really like dancing,” she said, resting her head against Jaehyun’s shoulder, first sign that maybe she had decided to give in to sleep. That had always been her favourite position to fall asleep since she was little, an arm wrapped around his neck, the other hand flat against his chest and head against his shoulder. 

“You can go there every time you want from now on,” Scarlett told her. “I don’t think you got it, but this will be our new home.” 

And sleep was long gone when at those words she jumped up, staring back and forth at her parents with wide eyes. “This?” 

“Yeah, we moved in here. And I know it’s big and I also know you won’t get what all of this means but this is our new home.” 

“I love this,” she exclaimed, clapping her hands and Jaehyun put her down once they arrived in front of the nursery, opening the door to let her in. It was nice to see all the enthusiasm, and Scarlett hoped that she wouldn’t have cursed them once reality hit her, realizing how big this truly was. 

“And what about my uncles and auntie?” She asked, running on the bed, climbing on it before sitting on the edge to remove her shoes, not gently at all. 

Jaehyun chuckled, not even caring that she was overhyped once again and probably getting her to fall asleep would’ve taken more than one song. And Scarlett rolled her eyes, rushing to help her open the button on the back of her dress; she wanted to do way too much even when she didn’t have the ability to. 

“They won’t go back, right?” 

“No,” Scarlett replied, “You probably will see them a little bit less, but they all will be here.” 

“It will be just like at home. When we moved out in our place you would see them occasionally, right?” 

Eunbi nodded, standing up on the bed to push down the dress, and then started to jump on it. 

“This bed is soft,” she said. 

“Stop doing that,” Scarlett warned her, “what if you fall?” 

“Dada will catch me,” she chuckled, still jumping up and down, laughing loudly. 

“And Dada got you,” Jaehyun said, catching her midway. “If you fall back on the pins in your hair you’ll get hurt,” he warned her, sitting her on the vanity table chair to remove the pins from her styled hair. 

Scarlett smiled at the scene of Jaehyun delicately taking care of her hair, removing all the ornaments, and then brushing them with his hands after dropping some droplets of oils on it. This weirdly felt like home, from the other side of the world, in a place that was twice as big, but it felt like home. Nothing had changed, and she hoped that things were going to stay the same with time. 

“Can I put the pink bonnet on tonight?” Eunbi asked her mother, looking at her through the mirror while Jaehyun tied her hair in a big braid. 

“Sure, it matches with your pjs,” her mother smiled at her, going back to the closet to grab another one. “Wear the clothes first. Come here,” Scarlett encouraged her to get up so she could put on the shirt and short pants of the nightwear. 

“I can put it on alone,” she said, reaching for the silk bonnet and trying to push her hair in, but leaving the tip of the braid out and she huffed. “But I’m a big girl, now.” 

Jaehyun smiled, “you are a big girl, but even big girls need help,” he reassured her, fixing the cap on her head, and gently kissing her forehead after. 

“Right,” she smiled, kissing his cheek before raising her hands to her mother. “Kiss goodnight,” she asked doing kissy lips and Scarlett leaned so she could meet her cheek before kissing her back. 

“I like this,” Eunbi said, jumping from the chair and running to the bed again, lifting the covers and laying down, waiting for her parents to sit next to her. “Do you like it here?” She asked, as much as she felt sleepy, she also felt excited about all of these changes. She couldn’t understand, in her heart, it just felt like a new exciting adventure but as long as she had her parents at her side, she knew she was going to be fine. They had many adventures in the past years and nothing went wrong, so, even if this felt bigger, it didn’t look scary at all. She found a grandmother, she had her uncles and aunt, her parents, and even some nice ladies that helped her get pretty for a dance. She felt loved as always. 

“Yeah, we like being here,” Jaehyun replied, grabbing a chair to sit next to her, and signalling Scarlett to sit on his lap. 

Eunbi smiled, “I’m happy. I can still read books with Johnny?” 

“Yes, honey, you can do whatever you want. Nothing changed, not for the people that love you. We just moved to a bigger place,” Scarlett reassured her, caressing her hand, while Jaehyun started to caress her cheek. 

“This room doesn’t have my things,” she noted, a small pout forming on her lips and a frown on her face.  

“Not yet. Those things were mine, you know?” 

Her eyes widened and so did her mouth, “Really? Even the shaking horse?” 

“The rocking horse,” she corrected, laughing at the way she was convinced at saying that. “It’s a rocking horse, and yes, it was mine.” 

She furrowed, “But it shakes.” 

“Well, yes, but shaking it’s more like moving something with no direction, a little bit more no sense compared to rocking.” 

“Can’t we call it shaking horse?” 

“Yes, we can call it however you want,” she replied, smiling fondly. 

“I like it better if it’s yours,” Eunbi admitted, smiling, wanting to talk more but feeling drowsy. 

“Your things will come here, by the way. I know you’re not letting go of your toys,” Jaehyun reassured her. It wasn’t like she had many, unfortunately, they never could’ve afforded to spoil her, but she was quite good at not breaking them, so a lot lasted, and she ‘piled’ them over the years. 

She hummed, smiling at them before letting her body slump back into the soft mattress and snuggle her head against the pillow, still holding her mother’s hand. “Song, please,” she whispered, so tired she had no strength to elaborate a full phrase. 

“Your favourite?” Jaehyun asked and when she nodded with a sleepy smile on her face, he started singing.

It did take only one song, fortunately, for her to fall asleep but the idea of going back to the ballroom didn’t seem appealing to Jaehyun at all. Maybe he did hate those events a bit, especially when they were so full of people not only, he barely knew, but also couldn’t stand. 

“Maybe we need to work on her being a little more delicate, especially if you’re going to dress her up like that,” Jaehyun joked as they closed the door behind and stayed there, leaning against the door. 

“My mother will probably soon start the etiquette courses I had to take part in. Don’t worry, she will calm down.” 

“I don’t want her to calm down, just to don’t hurt herself. Do you see her sitting prettily at a table or not talking even to walls?” 

Scarlett chuckled, “Not really, but maybe with time,” she shrugged, grabbing his hand, and moving to head toward the ballroom, but Jaehyun pulled to the other side. “What?” She asked, turning around with a furrow. 

A smirk crossed his face, eyebrow lifting teasingly, “Remember what we used to do back then?” 

“Oh, no, we can’t do this now,” Scarlett replied, shaking her head.  

“Oh, please, you could drag me out of those rooms when my head could’ve ended in the King’s hands and now I can’t?” 

“We were… I wasn’t a Queen,” she muttered, trying to pull back. 

“You are not one, yet, technically,” he corrected, pushing her close to him, chest to chest. “Come on, want to roleplay a little bit?” 

She giggled, lowering her head from shame, “you want to be a bodyguard so bad, maybe you liked it?” 

“I did. I mean, I liked being your bodyguard. Knowing I had to protect your life with mine made me feel like loving you made a little more sense.” 

“But now you can have me.” 

“Right here?” 

“Not like that,” she cursed. “We’ve been missing for a long time.” 

“We can blame it on her,” he insisted. “Isn’t it better to be there for the end of the ball? If we sneak out after, it’s going to be worst.” 

Scarlett thought about that for a moment but then gave in, “Fine, but this is the first and last time we do that.” 

Jaehyun laughed, “You also said that when we started,” he said before he started running to the other side of the corridor. 

“Where are we going?” She asked through laughs, trying to don’t be too loud, knowing that probably some maids were still up, and holding up the dress to don’t fall miserably on the floor. 

“Shh, you don’t want them to find us,” he reminded her, coming to a stop to take a breath. 

“Where are we going?” She asked, but her eyes widened when Jaehyun only looked at her smirking. “He—here?” She asked hesitant, looking around. They were far from the ballroom, in one of the corridors of the castle with big windows letting the moonlight shine through and lit up torches on each side. And yes, no other people were awake, well except for the guards… but now that she thought about it, they were much less than before, she should’ve investigated that further… 

“Are you with me?” Jaehyun asked, lifting her chin up. 

“Y-yes. Do you know why there are so few guards around?” 

Jaehyun rolled his eyes, “Are you seriously thinking about that, right now?” 

“I mean, what if they see us, what if –” but he shut her up with a kiss. 

“You never cared about this before, now, did you?” 

She hummed, shaking her head, breathing heavily because she wanted him so badly. She missed feeling this type of rush running in her bones but right here, in the open corridor was such a bold move. But it had also been so long since they did something together, they never really had much time back at home, busy with work, Eunbi, and the general stress. Most of the time, their moments together were just falling asleep in each other’s arms or trying to make the best of the tasks to take care of the house together. 

“If you keep quiet, nobody will hear us, love,” he said, lips running on the skin of her neck, slowly making her let her guard down, starting to drag her against the nearer wall. Why was she even acting as if that was the first time they did it? Once she let him fuck her almost right outside the ballroom door and they almost got caught. 

“But don’t mess my hair, they can’t find out.” 

He snickered, “Don’t worry, I plan on messing something else,” he whispered before his lips collided with hers and his hands moved under her dress, thankful she wore something that didn’t have much volume and he could easily push it up to have access. 

Scarlett threw her head back while her hands tried hard to don’t intertwine in his hair and instead focused on his body, too, running over it as if it was a new land to explore and she didn’t already have it written down by heart. 

“Come here,” she whispered, urging him closer to her so they could keep kissing. 

“Got in the mood quickly,” he teased as he let one of his hands slip between her legs, rubbing against her sensitive core. “I love it when you get eager for more,” he whispered against her neck, kissing and nibbling her skin, “eager for me.”

She moaned, feeling a strangely pleasurable sting as the pins in her hair dug a little deeper into her scalp as her head pressed back into the marble wall behind her. And a shaky whimper slipped out of her lips when Jaehyun’s slid two fingers into her after moving the panties to the side, and started to pump in and out. 

“Fu – fuck,” she moaned, squeezing her eyes shut, nails digging in his forearms. 

“You like this, don’t you?” He asked, voice low, and eyes staring at the way her body was already squirming under him. And his cock throbbed harder at the sight of her being so vulnerable. He had missed this; her, perfectly dressed up, in her Princess clothes, with her Princess duties, turning putty in his hands. And even if right now it was different because they were the same, at least in their hearts, he couldn’t help but get turned on at that thought. It was his guilty pleasure to know that he was still the only one that could see her like this, the only one that ever got so deep into her skin, into her heart and bones. 

“Yes, yeah,” she replied, forcing her eyes open, looking at him, hips bucking against his hand, shaking when his palm pressed hard against her clit while his two fingers kept pumping into her. “Need you,” she begged, letting her hand run in his hair, not caring about messing it up. “Take me, now.”

Jaehyun snickered, “You are still so greedy for a Princess,” he mocked, adding a third finger, ignoring her words. “But don’t you think it’s worse now?” His voice got lower as his movements sped up; he was going to make her come twice, there was no way he was pulling out right now. She shook her head, whimpering, trying hard to ground herself against him. “You are soon to be Queen,” he snickered, drifting his eyes into hers, making her heart skip a beat for how much this all felt like in the past. But this time it was funny, because it was just a game, their different status couldn’t push them away. 

She gulped, parting her lips to try to let out words that made sense, and said, “Fuck me hard, then. Don’t treat me like a Queen, not now, not tonight, please,” she begged, moving a hand to wrap it around his wrist. Jaehyun smirked, “I didn’t plan on treating you like a Queen. But I do want to make you come until you are melting, so come,” he ordered, quickening the speed, cum dripping down his hands and her legs. 

And she did, trapping her lower lip between her teeth to don’t let out any sounds, she came around his fingers, squeezing her eyes shut and biting so hard she could taste blood in her mouth. 

Jaehyun smiled, pulling out of her and moving his hand quickly on the buttons of his pants to pull out his throbbing cock, but right when he was about to lift one of her legs up and push his tip against her entrance, she stopped him. 

“Ta-take me from behind,” she mumbled, skin heating up and eyes not looking at him. A small laugh rumbled in his chest before he lifted her chin and forced her to look at him. 

“No, Princess, it doesn’t work like this,” he replied and then ran his tongue on his lips. “Ask politely while you look into my eyes, come on,” he ordered. “Tell me you want to be taken hard and rough with your pretty face against the wall.” 

His words sent her brain into a spiral and she almost moaned at how sinful it all felt, but gathering the courage to say those words out loud, to be this dirty, was harder. 

“Cat got your tongue? It’s very rude to make people wait, and right now you’re not only making me wait but,” he leaned closer to her ear, “do I have to remind you about your people waiting for you during your first ball?” 

Those words made her realize they didn’t have all the time in the world. It was a miracle if nobody was looking for them already, and she wondered just for how long the excuse of tucking Eunbi in bed was going to last, they weren’t even close to the nursey. 

“Please, sir, fuck me hard against this wall, please,” she begged. 

“Your wish is my command, Your Highness,” he replied with a smirk on his face, feeling his heart much lighter now at calling her with those honorifics. He was quick at turning her around and lifting her dress again before aligning against her entrance, slowly making his way in. 

She moaned when Jaehyun bottomed out, resting a hand flat against the cold wall and pushing her ass back against him. And she imagined he was going to start picking up speed, but he kept moving slowly, dragging all the way out and then pushing back inside. 

“You’re so delicate with me since I’ve had her,” she huffed, thinking back at how, the few times they had the chance to do something, he had changed completely and never gave it to her as hard as he was used to doing. “I want it hard,” she demanded. “Remember how you used to take me when we would do this? How much you loved seeing me a mess underneath you? How you loved knowing nobody knew how much I loved being manhandled and being ruined by you.” 

“Is that what you want? I thought you demanded not to ruin you, I thought people couldn’t know,” he replied, but his hips started slamming harder against her, still pulling almost all the way out but with a faster speed. 

“I changed my mind – fuck – I, I want them to know. I want the ton to know I belong to – shit – to you,” she cried out when one of his hands wrapped around her waist and squeezed, “I want them to know you’re the only one that gets me like this.” 

“I’ll give it to you, then, my Princess,” he said, other hand moving up to graze her neck and pulling her back to kiss her harshly. 

“Fuck,” she moaned, closing her eyes, struggling to keep her whines of pleasure into her mouth as she could feel him deep and hard inside of her, the veins of his dick dragging against her wet walls and his girth stretching her just how she wanted. “Just like that.” 

“Yeah, you like that?” He asked, pressing his forehead against her, consequentially pressing her face more against the wall. “And I bet you’ll like it even more if I do this,” he said with a smirk, moving the hand on her hips between her legs. 

She gasped, pushing back against him, and couldn’t keep in her sinful sounds. 

“No, no, Princess,” he cooed, “keep your pretty mouth shut, remember? Anybody could hear us, or worse,” he lowered his voice, “see us.” 

Her eyes fluttered behind her lashes, and her walls clenched around him. And Jaehyun snickered, “Maybe that’s what you want, an audience. How scandalous do you truly want to be, my Queen?” 

And this time the thing that fluttered in her body was her heart, for some reason, the way the words my Queen rolled out of his lips, and in such a moment, made her knees buckle and her heart beat faster. It sounded so good, so wrong somehow considering this was the last thing a Queen should be doing, but she couldn’t mind. 

“You don’t mind, don’t you?” He teased, quickening the pace on her clit, kissing her shoulders, and pushing her more against the hard surface. “You still are my dirty little girl, aren’t you? This royal blood is not enough to let you control yourself, to know how to behave.” 

“Maybe I deserve a punishment,” she mumbled, smirking, nails dragging against the wall.

“I should scold you,” he moaned against her ear. “Do you know how dangerous it is to be out here at night?” 

“Fuck,” she whimpered, “Is it?” 

He laughed lowly, making her moan louder and close her eyes once again, “You are lucky I was the one finding you, or else you have no idea what could’ve happened. The future Queen shouldn’t – fuck – stay here,” he whimpered, “with no one to protect her.” 

She pressed her lips in a thin line, feeling that she couldn’t be silent for more when he started to set a brutally fast speed, knocking the breath out of her, cock sliding into her so right she couldn’t remember when it was the last it felt so good, so needed. 

“Maybe that was what you wanted, being fucked hard and rough like any commoner,” he teased, “and if only you didn’t have a ball to run to because you – shit – have to you would let me take you even harder, right?” 

She mumbled a broken answer, back arching further into him, “yes,” she gasped, “’d let you do – fuck – anything.” 

“I know, Your Highness, I know,” he smirked against her ear, getting drunk in the sight of her, only now truly realizing just how much he had missed her like this, puffy lips getting tormented as she struggled to keep it all in and at the same time craved for more, how her eyes fluttered from pleasure, how her boobs were beautifully pressed up in that dress and panted heavily against the wall as she tried to catch her breath. “Would you do something for me, Princess? Would you follow an order from your subject?” 

“Yes, yes,” she mumbled. 

“Good, then come for me,” he ordered, “come undone where anybody could see you melt in my hands. Come on, let these walls see the mess you can make of – shit – yourself.” 

And it was all too much when his fingers on her clit sped up and his thrusts kept the same fast pace that made her head spin around, moans spilling out loudly that Jaehyun had to cover her mouth with his hand to muffle the lewd sounds as he filled her to the brim, not caring about the mess. Both forgetting that just two corridors away a ball was going on and the Queen was panicking, trying to calm the guests and give an explanation for their disappearance, trying to pity the ton saying that for Eunbi it was all too new, and they had to take extra care of her. 

“Are you alright?” He asked, leaving small kisses on her face as he slowly pulled out, fixing her panties, smirking at the thought of her having to walk around with that mess for at least one hour – if they were lucky. 

Scarlett smiled weakly, turning around to rest her back against the wall, trying to calm her breathing. “I’m too old for this, but yes, I feel alright.” 

Jaehyun chuckled, “you wanted me to go hard on you, there’s a reason if I treat you with extra care.” 

“Oh, shut up, I can take it, I just need more time to recover after,” she joked.

“Shit, I fear there’s somebody,” Jaehyun muttered, shushing her with a finger, sharpening his hearing and listening to footsteps approach. “Follow me,” he told her, grabbing her hand and walking a few steps before he pulled a candle hanging on the wall, opening a secret passage. 

“This has always been here?” Scarlett asked surprised, not convinced to get in, but when the steps got louder, she stepped inside, the thick wall closing behind them again. 

“Always,” he replied, starting to walk through the channel after lighting up a candle. 

“How do you still remember everything?” 

Jaehyun snickered, “I had spent nights up studying this place, it was one of the tests I had to pass to get the job. Being good at defending you physically wasn’t enough, you always need to know where you can run and hide, and well, where your enemies might hide as well.” 

Scarlett hummed. She knew he had this place impressed in his memory, but she imagined that after more than three years he would forget about it, and yet, he still knew, it was impressive. “And where will this lead us?” 

“Right outside the ballroom if we go this way,” he said, turning left. “This way we can simply say that we were already heading back when they came to search for us.” 

“I know we shouldn’t have done that,” she paused, “but I missed having you like that,” she confessed, holding his hand tighter. “It’s exciting, don’t you think?” 

Jaehyun smirked, “I wouldn’t have dragged you there if I didn’t think so.” 

“But I truly think this should be the last time of reckless fun,” she added. “I hope it hadn’t been so much to make them get suspicious.”

“We’ve been quick,” he reassured her, pushing another brick, opening the wall on the other side, and they both stepped outside. “Ready to face the ton again?” 

“Always ready if I have you by my side.” 

After the ball, life had been pretty erratic, and Scarlett often wondered if she could truly keep up with the rhythms of the court. But in answer to every intrusive thought that would cross her mind, there was Jaehyun reassuring her everything was going to be alright. 

‘It’s hard because there are many big events to prepare for, and you also need to catch up on everything you missed in the past years,’ Jaehyun had told her a few times, and she agreed but still cursed Donghyuck for calling her so late and damned herself for having accepted. 

There wasn’t a rush for the enthronement. Her mother was still the Queen, and she could’ve been elected Queen for now and then followed the ceremony of coronation later. But, seemingly, it was more pressuring than she imagined. Her mother had no strength to follow through with her duties, not that she had ever done that, considering the one ‘taking care’ of everything was the King. And the country needed a leader, a strong one, and considering the whole situation, she needed an iconic arrival on the scene. Being nominated Queen in private just wasn’t enough. They needed a show, people needed to love her, honour her, truly trust her and see how devoted to the role she was. 

All the excitement that rushed in her veins was slowly slipping away at the thought she wasn’t enough. Maybe her father was right, she wasn’t made for this, she was a disappointment. But then her hate for him took over. She had promised him she was going to be everything he didn’t think she could be, so she tried. For revenge, for Eunbi, for Jaehyun, for the boys that gave up everything and followed her with the promise of a better future. She needed to start from her very own people so she could also be good to her country. 

And luckily, Donghyuck had been kind enough to offer to help her, at least at the start. He would go with her at the first meetings with other countries. He also assured her to side with her Queendom and maintain the relations he already had with her father. And his support made her sleep at night a little more. 

But what was pressing the most was the coronation day. And now that only two days were ahead, she couldn’t help but panic. 

There was no turning back. 

The moment the crown would’ve touched her head and she would’ve sworn to fight and protect her land with her own life and would’ve been proclaimed Queen, her life would’ve been marked forever. And even if power felt thrilling, and that was exactly what she had longed for her entire life, right now, that it was so close, it felt terrifying. 

“You will not survive another day if you don’t calm down,” Jaehyun whispered, bringing her out of her thoughts again, she had lost count now of how many times if it wasn’t for him, her brain would’ve started travelling way too far and pushed her deeper into that misery. 

“I am calm,” she replied, but the way her feet were tapping against the ground and she barely touched food all dinner said other things. “Why can’t my mother still reign just for a little bit more?” She snapped, dropping down the fork on the floor. “It’s fine,” she dismissed a maid ready to pick it back up. “Honestly, you may leave, we’re fine. You’re dismissed, all of you, thank you,” she said, talking to everybody in the room. 

“But, Your Highness, we are the security,” a guard said, not following the reluctant maids out of the room. 

“Nobody’s going to kill us while we’re eating. You can wait outside if you really feel it’s needed, thanks,” she insisted, waiting for everybody to leave them alone.  

“Scar, are you okay?” Jaehyun asked, worried, once everybody was out, placing his hand on her shaking one. 

“No,” she admitted, trying to hold in the tears, she didn’t want to cry in front of Eunbi that was still finishing her dessert. “I’m so nervous, and I know you keep telling me I can do this, but…” she had to stop, feeling like she could break down right there at any moment. “Let’s not talk right now, alright?” 

Jaehyun hummed, not convinced, but decided to drop the conversation until Eunbi was done. It was an adult talk anyway, and there was no need to have it with her in front. 

“Honey,” he called Eunbi when she had finished her sweet and was cleaning her face with a napkin, “Daddy needs you to go to sleep with Nana Maria tonight. Can you do me this favour?” She had grown close to Scarlett’s maid women, still wanted to have nothing to do with her supposed to be maids, but it was something, at least. 

Eunbi hummed, nodding happily. “Are you sad Mama?” She asked when, leaning on the table to get closer to her to kiss her, she noticed her expression. 

“A little tired, sweetheart, but don’t worry, alright?” Scarlett replied, caressing her soft cheek. “I’m calling Maria and —”  

“No, I’ll carry her to the nursery and tell Maria to look after her for tonight. Wait for me in our room, I’ll be back immediately,” Jaehyun stopped her, grabbing Eunbi’s hand after she kissed her mother goodnight and walked out of the diner room. 

Scarlett got up soon after, walking to their room, and then starting to get changed for the night, thankful she had dismissed her maids from doing it for her. It was nice having them around, but she was so used to being alone now, that she couldn’t stand so many people around doing so many basic things for her. Why couldn’t they just come and help when it was needed and during the rest of the time go back home and have their own family? Why did they have to stay there and waste their lives for somebody capable of taking care of it by herself? 

Also, she enjoyed much more being in that room with only Jaehyun, and Eunbi when she whined to fall asleep and begged for them to let her fall asleep between them. Maybe the hype was waning a bit even for her. 

“Hey,” Jaehyun called, making her turn back from the dresser. 

“Was she alright?” 

He nodded, walking next to her, placing a hand on her shoulder, she’s fine, you know she doesn’t whine much if you talk it through.” 

Scarlett hummed while she dipped the tips of her fingers in the cream and started massaging her face with more anger than was needed. 

“Can you explain what is going on?” He asked, sitting next to her, watching her movements and how much she was shaking. 

She sighed, starting to collect her hair in a braid but giving up halfway, so Jaehyun got up and positioned behind her to it instead. She smiled at him through the mirror and then started talking, perhaps if she let it out it would’ve been easier. “I’m thrilled and nervous at the same time. I want this so badly, and deep down I know I’ll be good, but what if the good feedback was fake? What if somebody truly wants us dead? What if because of my greed I will lose you?” 

“Your greed? Wanting love and power is greed? Why is it never questioned to Kings? Why are they never asked to choose between those? Why would leading your country, the land you were born and raised in, and being an amazing mother and wife would be greedy or wrong?” 

“I don’t know, but people don’t think like us,” she explained, getting up and standing in front of their bed, once again tapping her feet nervously since she couldn’t ruin the perfectly cured manicure of her nails. 

Jaehyun sighed, “I know I will never understand the weight you carry on your shoulders because what people expect from you is nothing compared to what they expect from me. But you saw them, you saw your people, crying and thanking the Saints for having sent you back again to save them. You are their saviour, you are the good they have been asking for, for ages. And they wouldn’t have hesitated to pull out a knife and push it down your flesh if they hated you, but they didn’t. Two days after you have been represented to society, you were between them, and they all worshipped the ground you walked on. This is the place where you belong, this is where you were always supposed to be. Proud and tall, a reigning Queen, capable of anything. Never doubt that.” 

“And then I am the one good with words,” she joked, smiling at him, feeling the tension loosen up a little when his hand cupped her cheek and caressed her softly. 

“Queen Scarlett Aloace of Havenglow,” Jaehyun whispered, “it sounds so beautiful,” he beamed, thumb caressing her skin. 

“It will sound so scary when it won’t come out of your lips tomorrow,” she replied with a light chuckle. 

“But for now, it can only come out of my lips,” he reassured her, getting closer, leaning down to let their noses touch, “and the thousands of people cheering it, chanting it, vowing for you, praying the Gods up high to light up your road headed. People are devoted, deeply, even scarily, but this will assure you what you had asked them to do; to walk by your side as you will bring the light on this country for the first time in years.” 

“But I am no Saint, I have no Gods by side,” she replied, shivering as she thought about the trust people were putting in her hands. How fondly they truly believed she was going to be their saviour, and she feared she couldn’t have been able to live up to those expectations. People not only were devoted, but they were tired of years of mistreatments, abuse, and poverty, just one mistake, and that would’ve been the final straw. 

“Then be your own God,” he stated, lips brushing together, “be who you truly are destined to be.” 

She chuckled against his lips, “a Goddess? I don’t think that is my destiny.” 

“You do look like one,” he replied, fingers slipping behind her neck and pushing her closer. “I want you to be loud as a tornado when you walk the halls and take back everything you were destined for. I want you to be the only one people will look at. I want you to shine bright as the star you are meant to be. Do not hold back because that is what your father told you your entire life. Do not hold back because he taught you to stay quiet, silent in a corner as people walked all over you and your will. Do not think that only because you share half of his blood you are the same as him.” 

She felt her heart beat harder at his words, feeling sensitive to the point of crying. 

“I am capable of doing this,” she whispered, looking into his eyes, searching for that kind of comfort only he was able to give her, grounding herself into his golden—brown depths to seek more confidence. 

“You are,” he repeated, kissing her, small touches, lips that seemed almost shy, but full of intentions as if he wanted to imprint that thought into her deeper. “I can’t wait to see you covered in gold, sitting on your throne, wearing your crown, and holding your sceptre.” 

She chuckled, head falling back at the tickling sensation of his lips against her skin. “You do know you might fuel my darkest desires with your words?” 

“Do you have them?” He asked, pulling apart for a second, raising a brow. 

“I may have them, who knows,” she played along, letting her finger trail against his jacket. “May I confess to you? Will you swear to don’t let them slip past your lips?” 

“I would do anything for you, my Queen,” he confessed, dropping to his knees. She felt her breath falter for a moment when seeing him like this, hearing his words, made her realize how good power felt, how she wanted to have it all, to prove everybody she was capable and worthy and deserving of everything she had. She wanted to prove there was no reason to doubt her because she could have both, love and power. 

And maybe that was the last night of what felt normal, but what felt normal wasn’t what was written in her destiny. 

Jaehyun was right, she was supposed to be great, and she was going to prove it. 

“Then love me,” she whispered, lifting his face with two fingers under his chin. Power was ahead, but love was what she wanted to feel that night, love that only Jaehyun could give her. And love was what she wanted to hold on to, selfishly and greedily like they always did, when they spent hours burning between these sheets pretending what they had was right. Because nothing much changed, only when she was rolling in that tangle with him, only when his fingers grazed her skin so gently and his lips brushed against it like the softest summer breeze, she felt human again. He was good at that, protecting her from the weight of the world, and the weight of her own brain. He was good at making the world stop spinning around so fast and cage their bodies in a limbo where nothing could hurt them, not in the past, not now, and not even in the future.

And the rush of power she felt as his hands moved on her legs, pushing the silk nightgown up, and going up on her stomach, lips trailing on her skin, made her lose her mind. 

She wanted more.

Scarlett stared at her reflection in the mirror while her fingers ran over her dress; the red and the golden embroideries made her look regal, and she loved the way the big gown fell on her hips and then dragged on the floor behind her. Her eyes drifted on her face, her eyelids were painted gold and a sharp line of black lifted them, while her lips were shiny. Her hair was styled in an intricated hairstyle and then pulled together in a medium-low bun. Her hands were wrapped in red gloves with gold patterns running from her fingers and then fading the closer they got to her arms. 

She took a deep breath, closed her eyes, and let her hand brush her dress to fix the crease. When she opened them again a smile curled her lips as her eyes made eye contact with Jaehyun from the mirror. 

“You look stunning,” he whispered close to her ear, leaving a small kiss on her temple. 

“We look stunning,” she said, turning around to fix his deep red jacket with the same golden patterns she had. “I was right,” she smirked, looking at him, brown hair pulled back in a comma hairstyle, elegant suit, royal posture, and his same old familiar face she loved so much. 

“About?” He asked, raising a brow. 

“You would be an amazing King,” she smiled, caressing his cheek, observing how much he looked like all the other men they tried to set her up with. 

“Easy now,” he chuckled, taking her hand in his, “this is your coronation, remember.” 

“I know, I cannot forget it easily when I’ve been pampered all morning to be absolutely perfect for this event.” 

“They did an incredible job,” he said. “Are you ready?” 

She hummed, taking one last brief glimpse at the mirror and then intertwining their arms together. 

“You can walk with me, right?” 

“I would’ve had to do that if I was your bodyguard, surely not intertwining our arms.” She grinned, pushing the door and walking to the throne room. “I will leave your side when we enter. You will walk alone to the throne and then the celebration will start. I will be behind you.” 

She nodded, they had tried it before since her mother insisted nothing could go wrong, but she imagined the Queen wanted somebody else to protect her, probably Jaehyun had convinced her to let him stay by her side. 

And now that they were standing right in front of the doors, she felt her heart falter for a moment, and cold over her, even more, when Jaehyun’s arms slipped out of her hold. 

“You are made for this,” he reminded her, moving behind her. “I love you.” 

“I love you, too,” she replied, smiling at him before the trumpets started playing and the doors opened. The golden light of the room washed over her as she tried to adjust her eyes to see and look at the insane amount of people that were in the throne room, waiting, politely standing, ready to welcome her and accept her as their new leader. 

This had a completely different feeling than all the practice she had. These were real people. The ones she had to guide through the future. 

But somehow, seeing them, felt less pressuring than it was in her imagination. So, she lifted her chin, hands in front of her, and started walking toward the throne where the Queen was waiting, naked of her own crown. 

The celebration started, and it felt like hours to her before they arrived at the vows. 

“Scarlett Aloace of Havenglow, do you solemnly swear to rule according to law, exercise justice with mercy, lead your country with the intent to put the people first, and maintain high the name of the Crown?” 

“I solemnly swear to rule according to law, exercise justice with mercy, lead your country with the intent to put the people first, and maintain high the name of the Crown,” she repeated. 

The Queen turned around, grabbed the crown and the sceptre, and then looked at the sky, “Hear our prayers of peace and prosperity, and look, Almighty Gods, with a serene gaze on this, and may you let your light shine on our beloved Queen, giving her the power to carry through and lead us toward a new beginning,” she recited, taking the golden crown and lifting it up, so everybody could see it. “Scarlett Aloace, receive this crown and sceptre by my hands, delivering it to you, with my blessing, to serve for the defence of our Land,” she concluded, placing the crown on top of her head and handing her the shaft. “By the power vested in me, I declare you Queen Scarlett of Havenglow.” 

And only when her mother’s words shut down, and the crowd erupted in loud applause with cheers and cries and the heavy jewel touched her head, Scarlett realized what had happened. She turned around, finally facing her people, seeing children, mothers, workers, and the ones she loved the most, and realised that there, was exactly where she was supposed to be. 

When the feast died down and the throne room was empty, Scarlett wandered around, only now focusing on how majestic the room truly was. With no people inside it looked even brighter, the chandeliers and the golden from the trimmed walls making the moonlight reflect everywhere. The big red carpet ran from the doors to the altar. The paintings on the walls of the previous monarch, standing proud in the golden frames, and she gulped, thrilled to think that they were both going to be there. She had already discussed it with the family painter, she wanted both of them to be there. 

“I know I told you repeatedly today, but,” Jaehyun whispered, “you look majestic this way,” he finished, standing behind her, hands running over her waist, crossing right in front of her belly. 

“All this golden makes me shine,” she replied, turning her head around, and nuzzling her nose against his, making him smile at the tender gesture. It felt intimate being able to see this cosy side of her after he had watched her stroll around all day, standing high and proud as she met the people and the ton.  

“You do not need gold to shine, but yes, it does help,” he chuckled. “Although, I’d love to see you sit on the throne,” he whispered against her neck, eyes looking over her, where the big, shiny, golden seat was, high above the carpeted stairs in the middle of the room. 

“We need to add another seat for you, you will be crowned King too,” she said as they started walking toward it. 

“I can wait,” he reassured her. “I am already King by your side.” 

She giggled shyly, looking down to don’t slip on the stairs. “You are the most hopeless romantic person I have ever met.” 

“I take it as a compliment,” he chuckled as he followed her movements on the throne. And even though the crown wasn’t adorning her head anymore and no sceptre was in her hand, he was still mesmerized by the sight and how much she belonged there. She fit perfectly and he couldn’t believe she had been willing to let all of this go for him. He didn’t feel deserving of so much love, devotion, even, he dared to call it, because what united them was stronger than love for sure. Possibly it could’ve even been considered wrong, but he couldn’t care. 

So he kneeled right in front of her, surprising her, eliciting a gasp of surprise from her. 

“Do you feel alright?” She asked, worried. 

He smiled at her, “never felt better.” 

“Then why are you there?” 

“I need to show you some things,” he said, moving closer to her on his knees, letting his hands travel under the dress, up on her legs, “Need to show you I can praise you and worship you better than the people that were chanting your name just a few hours ago.” 

Scarlett shivered at the contact of his cold fingers and the tone of his voice, breath already faltering in anticipation. 

“Here?” 

A smirk curled his lips, “you always ask me the same question.” 

“You always pick the worst places to have me.” 

“Does Your Majesty require better?” 

She gulped, feeling electricity rush through her at his words, his tone, his eyes staring straight into her in that position, hitting straight to her core. She briefly looked around, to take in where they were, who she was, simply hoping nobody was going to come in – nobody was allowed there, technically. Because she loved this in a way she never imagined she could. 

“Show me,” she ordered, regal tone, firm and confident. “You may show me how devoted you are to me, to your Queen.” 

And Jaehyun obeyed, pushing the fabric of the dress up for what was possible and then pulling her laced undergarments down, letting them lay on the floor, having her on full display for him. He smirked at the sight of her wet folds, glistening and dripping for him only. And in a second his lips were on her, dancing on her sensitive spot, making her throw her head back and grip tighter around the throne armrest. 

Jaehyun looked up at her, the light falling on her and then reflecting in a circle around the crown of the throne, the golden spikes making her look like a Goddess, like an angel exploding with light of her own. A strong contrast compared to the blissful contorted look on her face and the not so sacred words spilling out of her plump lips. 

And the thought of serving her never weighed on his shoulders. He wouldn’t have complained if that was the only purpose in his life. Only existing for her, to serve his Queen, his Goddess. He would’ve given her his life if he had to. 

“More,” she whispered, voice low and filled with lust, but it didn’t come out like a beg, it was an order. Another one. As her ass slid halfway off the seat and her legs wrapped on his shoulders and his grip tightened on her hips and thighs, keeping her from falling. 

“Fuck,” she cursed, letting her fingers intertwine in his hair, holding tight, making him moan against her as his tongue kept working miracle on her, drunk in love, drunk in her, drinking her off like wine from the most precious grapes. 

And she couldn’t help but push him harder against her, getting high at the sight of him. Feeling her stomach twitch for how devoted he was. 

“Need you,” he whispered, pulling away from her, but she put him back in his place. 

“And I need you here, between my thighs,” she ordered, sultry voice coming out so harmonically Jaehyun felt his head spin. “Pray for me, love.”

And he obliged again, sucking her clit, licking her, slipping past her entrance, making her writhe and squirm. Feeling power slip from his reach more and more, letting himself go at her orders and hands guiding him into sinful perdition. It did feel like a religion, an unholy one, a religion that would’ve led them both to hell as sinners as they always have been. Daring the most powerful Gods, rising against them, and somehow always winning. And adding more immorality wasn’t going to make the pain of their eternity worse. So, they kept sinning. 

She was his religion. 

And right there, on his knees, between her legs, he was praying. 

He was devoted to her and her only because no other God ever looked over him like she did. Nobody else would’ve sacrificed so much of themselves for him. Nobody else would’ve given up their lives for him. 

Only in the crease of her body, he could find his redemption. Only in her sacred wine, he could get drunk. Only in her voice, he could find eternal forgiveness. 

He was, since ever and for eternity, her most devoted believer.  

Her hips started trembling, moving uncontrollably against him, and in a moment, she was boneless in his hands, crumbling apart as pleasure washed over, but it didn’t make her feel tired, it felt like a weird rush of power, of strength, of guilty pleasure, or probably pride. So much she truly felt like a Goddess at that very moment. 

“Did I prove it to you?” He asked when she let him go and his eyes locked into hers, chin still stained with her fluids. “Is this how you should treat a Queen?”  

A smirk curled her lips, “but I’m not a Queen, I’m a God,” she replied, cupping his chin and forcing him up, making him sit at her place, pushing him down with no grace. “A Queen is pliant, silent at her King’s side, she tends to submit more than to control,” she whispered against his ear. “Don’t you think so?” 

He hummed, “not you, not by my side.” 

She smirked again, pulling away from him. “Strip,” she ordered, looking down at him. 

Jaehyun gulped, shaky hands moving to unbutton his golden embroidered jacket, letting it fall to the side before he did the same with his pants. 

“Naked,” she said, eyes pointing at his underwear. “I want to see all of you.” 

And only when he was fully naked, she walked to him again, hands placing against the throne, lips close to his, breath fanning against them as she spoke, “how far can you show me how much you love me?” 

“As far as you want,” he replied with no hesitation, fighting the urge to touch her, to strip her naked too, slightly taken aback by this unexpected aura that surrounded her, she truly felt untouchable, like an outer being he simply was not worthy of being with. 

“Do you think you can satisfy me? Bring me to heaven and don’t let me fall?” 

“I can. I’d do anything for you,” he answered, moving forward to let their lips meet, but she pulled away. 

“Prove it to me,” she said, lifting her dress just enough so she could sit on top of him. “After that, maybe, you’ll get a taste. You have to earn a place in heaven, baby. Show the Gods just what you would do to get eternal safeness.”

And maybe they both needed to be saved from this hell they created, for the wrongfulness of their lives, for the sinful abyss they let their souls get dragged in, for putting love – a false god, sneaky, and dangerous – before the real one up there. For adding more sin on their judgment day. But that wasn’t coming anytime soon, so they were going to still worship what they had, cherish it with their hearts and love, mixing sacred and profane. Because dying in each other’s arms didn’t sound so bad, and not even spending eternity together, even if it meant burning in the pits of hell. 

So they were there, bodies intertwined, a tangle of flesh and skin and blood slamming hard against each other in that holy room that had seen hundreds of royals pass from those doors to consecrate their Highness and their power but never to let those shiny walls witness something as unholy as this. 

And the sounds rippling through their throats were even worst, moans, whimpers, chants of the Gods they were just profaning, begging for forgiveness that was never going to come, or probably, even more shamelessly, calling each other that. 

“Fuck,” Jaehyun muttered, letting his hands wrap around her covered waist, and his head fell back before he forced his eyes open to look at her. “I am crazy for you,” he confessed, moving closer to her, begging her to let him kiss him, to let her subject get a taste of those precious, soft lips that reminded him of the most tasteful cherries. And she let him because she didn’t need him to show how much he longed for her, how far he would’ve gone for her. She knew it. It was in the way he still stayed a step behind her. It was in the way he was her first supporter in everything. It was in the way she knew he wouldn’t have hesitated to stab somebody if they dared to hurt her. 

And Jaehyun didn’t particularly feel in a position of control that night, but he still dared to ask, beg her for something so big, a thought that now was tormenting him, “need to give you a child,” he whispered, looking straight into her eyes, feeling her breath falter and her walls tighten around him. Brain spinning at the sick idea of a being so high and graceful like her to let someone like him fill her womb with sacred life. “Yeah, you want that?” 

She nodded, letting her forehead collapse against him and her nails dig into the blades of his shoulders, sinking so deep she drew blood and made him hiss. 

“Want to let everyone know that – fuck – you let the commoner put another baby into you?” He teased, thrusts getting faster for what he could. “Such a generous Queen letting anybody take you, getting – shit – your blood stained with the most unworthy.” 

“You are not,” she replied, shutting him with a kiss, ravenous, eager, “you are by my side. You gained – fuck,” she whimpered when he hit particularly hard right where she was most sensitive. “You gained your spot in heaven, right next to my side.” 

He kissed her again, one hand slipped on the small of her back, pushing her closer, cursing she didn’t take off her dress because he wanted to feel her, mark her, stain her even more, with sin, with love, with the madness that their passion was. Somehow, he wanted to sink even deeper into her skin, not caring he already knew so much of her and had her impressed in the back of his mind. He needed more. 

“Need to see you full of me,” he muttered, “Need to see you walk around with my baby, round and full of our love. Need to – fuck – give you another one.” 

“Do it,” she screamed, “I’m yours,” she wept, “And yours only. Shit. Yours to keep. Fuck. Yours to lose,” she whimpered. “I’m yours, every inch of me,” her breath faltered, hands clasping in his hair, pulling him closer, standing eye to eye. “All of me, is for your eyes only.” 

And Jaehyun felt his heart lose a beat. This wasn’t one of their wishful thinking at night back in her chamber when he would have to go back into his room. These were the words of a Queen, his Queen. These words were real, she was his, and he was hers. In people’s eyes. In the fruit of their love. And soon even on papers. He was worthy of a Queen’s love. His Queen, the only one he could ever care about. The only one that truly felt deserving of that spot in his heart. And that was the last thing he needed. He was going to be by her side this time. He was going to be able to walk tall by her side, not behind. He would’ve seen her raise their love child and cherished her every day. 

And at that moment he truly realized how deep he was into her.

“I’m close,” her voice came out in a whisper as her head rolled back and she struggled to lift her body on him as the knot in her stomach tightened and her brain felt hazy. 

“I know,” he replied, “I can feel you tightening around me. I’m going to fill you up, fuck,” he moaned, hand reaching her neck and forcing her to look at him. “Will you take it? Will you carry the – ohh – the fruit of our love?”

“Yes,” she replied with no hesitation. “I will take anything from you.” And it was true, and she would’ve wondered when and how she became so vulnerable to him, what made their love become like this, but her brain wasn’t in the condition to think a single thought that made sense. 

“Then take it,” he moaned, making their lips meet again in a heated kiss as his hips kept thrusting hard against her. “Take my child.” And in a few seconds, he started spilling his seed inside of her, triggering her orgasm that exploded, vision blinding and ears buzzing as their sealed mouths muffled the high moans and screams that were being pushed out by their lungs. It felt so intense that everything around started to spin and yet, they couldn’t stop. 

It wasn’t enough. 

And greed sure wasn’t a virtue, but that night, they decided to put their morals behind them and keep burning in the flames of ruins. 

And they kept fucking, marking each other, not even thinking about the possibility of anybody walking in front of those doors and hearing them. Too lost in a world of their own, where all their fantasy came true, where everything was possible. 

Because it was good to be a Queen, but it was better to be a Goddess. 

The wedding preparations followed soon after. Jaehyun and Scarlett had no problem with wanting some more, but sealing a marriage as soon as possible was better for possible deals with other countries and also to legalize their relationship. And they weren’t complaining, they wanted this to happen too, but it was thrilling and scary at the same time. 

It was big, an event for the whole country to see. A celebration. Not just an intimate sealing of promise between them. And it would’ve also crowned Jaehyun King.

“It needs to be absolutely perfect,” Renjun said as he frenetically kept measuring her body, writing down her sizes and the ideas for the design of the wedding dress. He had spent the entire morning doing the same with Jaehyun, and now it was Scarlett’s turn. 

“It will, you have hands made of gold,” she tried to calm him down, but it served a little because Renjun was too caught up in all the things he had to do to try to calm down. He couldn’t. This couldn’t go wrong. It would’ve been such a big exposure for his tailoring shop, and also, he cared a lot for her, so he wanted to gift her the best dress he could create.   

Renjun hummed mindlessly, checking her once again. “Do not dare to get pregnant again before the big day, or I will kill you,” he warned. “Wait, can I? Will you go to jail if you kill your Monarch?” 

She laughed, “you’ll go to jail If you kill anybody, Jun.” 

“You would sentence me if I did?” 

“I’d have to,” she replied, shocked. 

“I imagined we would gain some kind of privileges knowing you,” Yuta chimed, diverting his attention from the book he was reading as he was – supposedly – looking after Eunbi that was also reading on the floor, in her case, watching the pictures on the pages. But it was the only thing that would keep her calm as she tried hard to comprehend the words written, so Yuta was fine like this. He wasn’t like Taeyong, or her parents, dealing with her peaks of hyper—activity drove him insane. 

“Not those kinds of privileges, you can’t kill people.” 

“Anyway,” Renjun bought her attention on him again, “no cake in the oven, got it?” 

“What makes you think I would?” She asked embarrassed, lowering her face and scratching her neck.  

“You will!” They replied together, screaming, staring at her with eyes wide open, making Eunbi turn over but her attention on her mother didn’t last long since she got back to her book immediately. 

“What are you talking about?” She asked, shaking her head. 

“You got embarrassed,” Renjun explained. 

“Are you trying for another one?” Yuta asked, walking closer to Scarlett, staring at her with a stunned expression. 

“What are you…” she huffed, jumping from the stool in the middle of the room. “Don’t say that, I don’t like to say that we are trying,” she explained. “Let’s say that we wouldn’t mind if it happened.” 

“Oh, wow, another one?” Yuta didn’t want to sound so… disgusted, but kids weren’t exactly his thing, and one was already more than enough for him. 

She rolled her eyes. “She’s three, almost four.” 

“But she’s a lot.” 

“We will be fine. I think I deserve a peaceful pregnancy with Jaehyun by my side,” she said, grinning at his traumatized expression. 

“Fine, I am very happy for you but please, not before the wedding,” Renjun still begged, he was booked with the modiste and now the preparations for the Queen’s wedding were just adding up, changing the dress last minute was the last thing he needed. 

“Don’t worry,” she replied with a calming tone, “it won’t grow big in three weeks.” 

“I hope so,” Renjun replied before widening his eyes. “Wait, you aren’t yet, right?” 

“No, I’m not,” she reassured him. “Well, I don’t think so.” 

He rolled his eyes and huffed loudly, “you two can’t be left alone for two seconds.” 

“Please, we had no time to be alone back then, let us live.”  

Yuta snickered. “The wedding is close, Renjun. I’m sure she will fit in the dress anyway.” 

“Exactly,” she agreed. “And since we are tight with time, can you please carry her to Taeyong?” She asked Yuta. “I have to plan things.” 

“Sure, also because I don’t think she will survive with me any longer,” Yuta said, walking toward the baby, reaching for her hand to walk out of the door. 

“A kiss to Mama,” she said before going out, running to Scarlett and jumping in her arms. 

“Be good with Yong, alright?” She warned, caressing her cheek and giving her another kiss. 

“Yes, Mama, I’ll be good. Bye,” she waved to her and Renjun before running to Yuta, grabbing his hand, and walking outside. 

“She’s lovely,” Renjun commented, tenderly staring at the door before turning back around. 

Scarlett hummed and then placed her hand on his shoulders, resting her chin on it, “and you’re coming with me, I need help.” 

“What about the dress?” 

“I’ll help you create it when you will start working on it,” she promised, doe-eying him. “Please, Injunnie.” 

“Fine, fine,” he gave up, waving her off and starting to pack his things. “I hate how unable I am to go against you.” 

She smiled. “We worked side by side for so long, do you think I will let this go?” 

“Enough,” he stopped her. “I would’ve helped you even without this tooth-rotting stuff.” 

Three weeks passed with more preparations for the great day and also new meetings with ambassadors and councillors. And now that the night before the big day arrived, they felt like they could finally breathe. They were so close to making this big step, something that they never imagined was possible, not between them at least. 

“Our last night as fiancées,” Scarlett joked, closing the door behind her, and walking toward Jaehyun that was looking outside of the balcony from the terrace. “Eunbi is quite thrilled at the thought of being our damsel,” she chuckled, leaning her head against his arm while Jaehyun wrapped it around her waist. “I think I’ll let her sleep with me tonight, it seemed she had no intention to calm down, not even with Taeyong.”

“Today the maids couldn’t convince her to get out of the dress,” Jaehyun giggled at the memory. It took her grandmother to convince her to take it off, only because she told her it had to be perfect and clean for the big day. 

“At least we know she’s getting used to this new life,” she breathed out, holding him tighter, feeling tranquil. This could’ve set her off completely but instead, Eunbi was getting used to the place and people pretty easily. Maybe it was her curious nature, for her this was just another occasion to take more from life and learn and discover. And Scarlett hoped that the news of a new child wasn’t going to be a terrible thing for her. 

“Don’t you think we should’ve asked her before?” 

Jaehyun furrowed, tilting his head to look at her. “About what?” 

“The other baby,” she whispered, pulling away to stare at him. 

“You think she won’t welcome a sibling?” 

She shrugged, crossing her arms on her chest, “I don’t know. What if it will get too much? What if she will feel pushed out of our lives? She has so much love and…” 

“You said it,” Jaehyun interrupted her, taking her hands in his and kissing them softly, “she has so much love, it won’t disappear. But if you feel safer, we can always ask her.” 

Scarlett hummed, looking down at the floor, squeezing his hands tighter. 

“Unless you are the one who’s not sure about this anymore,” he inquired, quirking a brow, trying to study her face, but he couldn’t see much of her until it snapped up. 

“What? No. I do want it. I want it with all of my heart. As scary as it is, I know I can do it another time with you by my side. I don’t think that I ever felt so much love as I did those months with her in my womb. It was terrifying, but also soothing, and warm. And I know that this time can only be better because I will have you.” 

“We can wait, we can…” 

“I don’t want to wait,” she stopped him. “I just think it would be fair to let her know. It will be a change in her life, and I cannot be sure she will accept it easily.” 

“Should we do this now? Before she goes to sleep with you?” 

When they opened the door of the big living room, they found Taeyong on the floor and Eunbi running around wearing a crown on her head and a fake wooden sword chasing after Doyoung. The eldest looked at them with a wrecked face and they laughed. 

“You are free to go,” Scarlett relieved him, walking toward him. 

“Mom look!” Eunbi screamed. “I’m a warrior princess and he’s the bad dragon.” 

Doyoung rushed to her parents, trying to hide behind them but Eunbi easily slipped between them and succeeded in her mission of ‘killing’ him. 

“No, you got me,” Doyoung cried, falling on his knee, pressing the sword against his rib with his arm. 

“You will never terrorize our lands ever again,” she declared, placing her feet on his thigh and her closed fist against her waist, looking proud with her head up. 

“You should go with your mother to her meetings, I’m sure other leaders will listen to you,” Jaehyun joked, kneeling at her side. 

“I only like to fight dragons and ride unicorns. Johnny Oppa promised to build me one soon,” she said, clapping her hands excitedly before she started running around again, playing with herself this time. 

Scarlett laughed, following her for a moment before her eyes got back on Taeyong’s wrecked face. “Tell me you’re not regretting being her main caretaker.” 

Taeyong smiled, finding the strength to stand up. “I will never regret it, but let’s say that I do hope the thrill of this new thing will fade with time because she had never been this excited over anything.” He was used to her, he had seen her grow, she felt like a daughter to him and Doyoung especially. He was always there, her first crawls, her first steps, her first dance moves, and he knew how energetic she could be, but she had never been this energetic. 

“She will calm down,” Scarlett reassured him. “You can go, we’ll deal with her from now on.” 

“Good luck,” Doyoung said, sending them a flying kiss before waving and walking outside with Taeyong, being grateful they all had a personal room to stay over for the night. 

“Little bird,” Scarlett called her, pretending to don’t see the tulle of her dress picking out of one of the armchairs where she was hiding. “Do you see her, Jae?” 

“I have no idea where she is,” he played along, starting to walk around the room and they had to suppress a laugh when they heard her chuckle. 

Eunbi peeked her head out to look at them and then jumped out, scaring them. 

“Oh, my,” Scarlett exclaimed, holding a hand on her chest, “you scared us. Where were you hiding, princess?” 

“A princess should never tell her secrets,” she played along before running to her and doing grabby hands to ask her mother to lift her up.

Jaehyun reached them and pocked her cheek playfully, making her throw her head back, giggling. “Should we go to sleep, now?” 

She whined, “but I’m not tired.” 

“But remember what day is tomorrow?” Her mother asked as they started to make their way to their chamber, Jaehyun would’ve slept in another room for the night so they could’ve gotten ready in the morning and then meet each other at the altar. “You can’t be tired, you have to walk down the aisle and throw the petals on the floor, and then we have to dance all day and eat delicious food.” 

“I know but I am excited,” she pouted, holding tight around her mother’s shoulders. “You look so pretty in the dress; Daddy doesn’t know how beautiful you are.” 

Jaehyun smiled, holding the door open to let them in first, and then closed it behind them. 

“That’s why we need to sleep and let the night pass fast,” he said while Scarlett put her down on the bed and he walked to the closet to hand her the clothes for the night. 

“I sleep with Mama?” She asked, only now realizing they weren’t in her room. 

“Yes,” she replied. “Are you happy?” 

“Yeah,” she cheered, swinging her feet on the mattress happily. “Then I… I can’t wait to go to sleep. I never sleep with you,” she said, trying to reach the buttons behind her dress to unlock them but Jaehyun was quick at helping her since she couldn’t arrive with her arms. “We don’t do that anymore.” It was rare, but occasionally, when Jaehyun was away and they both missed him too much, Eunbi would sneak into their bedroom and spend the night hugged to her mom. 

Scarlett stared at Jaehyun, her eyes letting him know all her fears, but he had always been better than her at dealing with these situations without letting emotions take over completely.

“It has been a rough time, honey,” he explained, lifting her dress up and then pushing her cotton camisole on her body to cover her up. “We can set one day of the week where we can do that. We can cook together like we used to do and then we can watch movies together in this big and soft bed.” 

Eunbi smiled brightly, crinkles of her eyes showing up and dimples popping out. “I love it!” 

Scarlett let out a small breath of relief and then moved closer to them, sitting on the bed right next to Jaehyun. 

“We need to ask you a thing,” Scarlett said, holding Jaehyun’s hand for support. 

“For tomorrow?” Eunbi asked, tilting her head to the side while her hands played with the soft fabric of the sheets in front of her. 

“More for life,” Jaehyun replied, making her furrow even more. 

“Would you mind to don’t being alone anymore?” Scarlett asked and Eunbi’s eyes drifted from her to Jaehyun, clearly confused. 

“But I am not alone,” she said, scratching her leg where she had a mosquito bite and Scarlett had to move her hand away so she wouldn’t have bled.  

“It’s not about the people that surround you, it’s about having another friend a little bit younger than you,” she tried to explain. 

“Will I go to school? Taeyong told me that. In kinder… kindergarden? Is it?” She asked, jumping on her spot, eyes lighting up in anticipation. 

“Also, maybe, we still have to think about that. But no, it’s in the family.” 

“Would you mind not being our only daughter?” Jaehyun got straight to the point when he understood that Scarlett couldn’t push those words out. 

Eunbi gasped and Scarlett almost felt like passing out but then breathed again when Eunbi’s lips curled in a smile, and she got up. “Like — like me being a sister?” 

“Do you know what a sister is?” 

Eunbi hummed enthusiastically, “Juliet is the big sister, she has many siblings.” 

“Oh, I missed that. And would you be fine with that?” 

“Yes!” She cheered. “Aunt July says it’s like always having a friend with you. Will I have it too?” She asked, starting to slightly jump up on the mattress. 

Scarlett turned to Jaehyun smiling at him. “Well, we are hoping to be gifted with another baby soon.” 

“Yes! I want one, I want to be their best friend. How are we calling it?” 

“Calm now,” Scarlett chuckled, “the baby is not here yet, we don’t even know when we’ll have it.” 

“Can I have a sister?” She still asked, ignoring her mother’s words and jumping happily on the mattress trying to keep the balance on her legs. 

Jaehyun chuckled, she was always so enthusiastic over everything, he only wished she was never going to lose that sparkle. 

“You can’t pick that, what will come will come.” 

Eunbi pouted but then hugged her mom. “I can’t wait to meet them.” 

“We can’t wait either,” they both replied, squeezing her in a tight hug. 

The garden of the royal palace never looked so intimidating, and yet, breathtaking, in Scarlett’s eyes. Her heart was thudding loudly in her chest, so loud that she could feel it more than the march that already started playing. And having Johnny’s arm around her, wasn’t enough to make her feel supported to take the first step forward and start to walk down the open—air aisle. 

“Breathe in and breathe out,” Johnny whispered, squeezing her hand in support and making her do the step of no turning back. Somehow, she felt more anxious now than four weeks before when she had to swear to protect her land and people. 

Seeing Eunbi walk in front of them, throwing petals in her little lilac dress with purple calla lilies adorning her curls and watching her skipped steps as she couldn’t control hopping instead of walking, and seeing Jaehyun waiting for her at the altar, made her breath get stuck in her throat. 

She couldn’t even be bothered by how public it all was, how many people they didn’t know were there, and how this was more than just a love vow but also something political. It mattered on papers, but it didn’t matter in her heart. 

And Jaehyun couldn’t help but smile, eyes glistening as he stared at her. She was walking gracefully toward him, small steps, insecure even, and he could imagine that she was leaning on Johnny more than she should’ve. Her manicured hands wrapped around the cascading bouquet with roses, calla lilies, and daisies, and if she held just a bit tighter, she would’ve ruined the stems. Yet, even with the small clumsy acts only he knew, she still looked angelic. The white dress hugged her chest and then fell soft on her round hips, the details in lace on the corset and the puffy shoulders were extremely complex with flower patterns and diamonds sewed on them. And he couldn’t see her face, hidden behind the white veil, but he knew that she looked amazing as always. 

Eunbi reached the altar first, sending a flying kiss to her father and then sitting with her grandmother and half of the boys on the other side. 

When Scarlett reached him, and Johnny lifted her veil and bowed to him before sitting on her side of the aisle, Jaehyun fell in love again. That day, just like he did by now five years before during one of those nights where their love was cursed and impossible. And he surely never imagined being able to love her in plan daylight, he never imagined standing by her side on the altar as her future husband and not as her bodyguard. But here they were, and he felt his heart so full of joy, love, and even incredulity, that it could burst. 

“You’re beautiful,” he whispered, making her lower her head to hide a shy smile. He had spent nights and days reminding her that, and yet, those words still sounded like the first time, they made her heart flip in her chest and shivers run down her spine. 

“You too,” she replied before they both turned around, facing the priest. Scarlett handed the bouquet to Eunbi and then the ceremony started. 

And when the time for the vows arrived, they faced each other, holding their hands together and looking into each other’s eyes. 

“I, Jaehyun, take you, Scarlett, for my lawful wife, to have and to hold from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, until death do us part. I will love and honour you all the days of my life.”

“I, Scarlett, take you, Jaehyun, for my lawful husband, to have and to hold from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, until death do us part. I will love and honour you all the days of my life.”

Eunbi shily got up and walked to the altar, handing the wedding rings to the priest so he could bless them and then offered them to Jaehyun. He grabbed one with shaky hands, beaming at the sight of their names engraved in the band and the small diamond in the middle, and then placed it on her finger, saying, “In the name of the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit. Take and wear this ring as a sign of my love and faithfulness.”

Scarlett held her breath, trying to hold back the tears that were threatening to run down her cheeks, and then grabbed the other ring, gently held his hand, and let it slide on his finger, “In the name of the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit. Take and wear this ring as a sign of my love and faithfulness.”

“You have declared your consent before the Church. May the Lord in his goodness strengthen your consent and fill you both with his blessings. That God has joined, man must not separate. Amen,” the priest declared. “And by the power vested in me, I now pronounce you husband and wife.” 

“I imagine I can kiss you now?” Jaehyun chuckled, leaning closer to her, and she hummed before leaning in completely, letting their lips meet in a chaste kiss that only lasted for a few seconds as the crowd erupted in cheers and claps and a march started playing, signaling the ending of the ceremony. 

They turned around, hands tightened together, and Scarlett reached out to signal Eunbi to reach them and carry with her the bouquet as they walked back down the aisle, waving at people. 

“I’m so glad you never stopped fighting for our love, you know, right?” He whispered, the world fading for a moment. 

“It was the best choice I have ever taken in my entire life,” she replied, smiling brightly, feeling full, feeling like this was finally the place where they belonged and nothing, absolutely nothing could tear them apart.

“I’m wrecked,” Scarlett huffed, slumping on their bed, kicking the shoes in a corner, the dress falling all around her. 

“It must be tiring to be a Queen,” Jaehyun joked, walking toward her, standing at the end of the bed. “Guess you are too tired to have our first time on our wedding night.” 

“Oh, my Lord, you do have to know I am very scared since this is my first time,” she joked and they burst out laughing as she turned around and crawl toward him. “I had to hold back a laugh today when the priest asked If we were willing to accept children. What does he think we did with Eunbi?” 

“Shut up, I heard you snicker, that was so unprofessional.” 

“But it was just too funny, imagine if he knew I’m probably already knocked up with the second one.” 

“I don’t think we will be this lucky this time,” Jaehyun chuckled before raising a brow. “Wait, do you feel it?” 

She shrugged, fixing the dress and sitting in the middle of the bed, the pompous fabric taking all the space around her. “I didn’t feel her for six months I won’t lie to you and say that I feel a potential peas—sized fetus now.” 

“Then I guess we will have to try so hard to be sure we will accept children,” he cooed, leaning down to kiss her. “I promise first times are not so terrible if you have somebody loving you, my lovely wife.” 

She chuckled, pushing him off playfully and falling back on the mattress, “do you want me to confess to you something?” 

Jaehyun hummed, starting to unbutton his suit. 

“You were my first time.” 

“Well, do I have to say I am surprised? It is not like you had many boys to sneak around with.” 

“Yeah, but I never told you. You should be grateful for that,” she pouted. 

“I am grateful for having you by my side,” he replied. 

“I was trying to get in the mood of getting you excited over the fact no man ever touched me like that,” she teased, lifting his chin and kissing him.

He smiled, snickering before he pushed her down again, trapping her with his broad body. “You don’t want me to be jealous on our honeymoon night.” 

“You have nothing to be jealous about,” she said, letting her hand travel on his toned chest, “but you have something to brag about. I’m sure there are a few men that wished to be in your place, today even,” she smirked, referring to all the Princes, Dukes, and Kings that were invited to their wedding and mostly all of them had been in the list of her proposed husband. 

“Trust me, I know,” he smirked, starting to trail kisses on her neck. “They would come to me,” he confessed, lips traveling in the hollow of her chest, “asking for advice. Asking me what would’ve made you fall.” 

“And I hope you advised them wrong.” 

He chuckled. “It’s not a very wise thing to do. I was honest,” he confessed, pulling away for a moment to let his hand move behind her and undo the strings of her corset. “I would tell them how much you loved irises,” he whispered, unfastening the strings and pulling the dress off of her body slowly, “I would tell them how much you enjoyed playing the piano and singing with your ladies,” he pushed it off, folding it for the better before placing it on the closest armchair before going back to her. The white laced lingerie the only thing covering her body now. “I would tell them that you could talk about philosophy all day long and never get tired of it,” he whispered, hands running over her bare legs and lips doing the same. “I would tell them you loved strolling in the park and go the small lake with the ducks,” he stopped, right over her core, “I didn’t tell them you named each one of them, though.” 

She giggled, she had completely forgotten she did that. “We picked them together,” she exclaimed, remembering the afternoon when instead of strolling with the ton where her father wanted her to be, she escaped as always with Jaehyun and made ‘new friends.’ 

“We did,” he replied, smiling and then picking up his path on her body. “They also don’t know about your collection of poems, the ones you used to write when we would travel for hours, or at night when you couldn’t sleep.” 

“So you did keep secrets.” 

“I had to keep a little piece of you all to myself,” he confessed, coming close to her face again. “I was more than sure they would’ve found it out soon by themselves when I would’ve lost you completely.” 

“But you didn’t.” 

“I didn’t.” 

Her breath faltered when his lips started kissing her mound, soft and wet over the see—through pattern of her panties before he slowly pulled them off of her, leaving her bare, and his nose nuzzled against the soft short layer of hair before moving down to her lips. 

“Jaehyun,” she breathed out, rolling her head back and moving a hand in his hair. 

“They don’t know how good you taste,” he whispered, breath fanning against her wetness, the contrast making shivers run down her spine and spread her legs wider. “They don’t know how much you love this,” he added, starting to move his mouth on her again, slow, not leaving out a single patch of sensitive skin, bringing her closer and closer to heaven. 

“They will never hear your pretty moans,” he said, pulling away again, leaving her whimpering and whining at the loss, hips bucking up, trying to meet him, wanting to feel him again. “What do you want, darling?” He asked as his fingers traced up on her thighs to her belly and then down, so close to where she was pulsing just for him. 

“Need you, please,” she begged, eyes open, staring at him, and hands daring to reach out and move his fingers there, and Jaehyun let her, watching attentively as she guided him on her dripping pussy and their hands started moving together. 

“You want this so slow?” 

“Yeah, I don’t want to rush tonight,” she confessed, still looking at him. “This is our night. I want it to be – fuck – special.” 

“Let me do it, then,” he smiled, moving her hand away, placing it at her side and picking up the movements on her as he leaned down and his lips attached to her wet folds again. His lips moving on her, dancing to a rhythm that drove her insane, following steps he knew by heart. And he kept going for so long, getting intoxicated by her until all her walls came falling down. 

They weren’t close to being done, and she already felt on cloud nine, eyes rolled in the back of her head while from her lips low pitched moans rolled out of them as the first orgasm washed over her. 

Jaehyun smirked as he slowly pulled away from her body, licking his lips and staring at her. “You’re so beautiful,” he whispered, meeting her eyes before leaning in and making their mouths meet in a slow but needy kiss. And just as needy were their hands that swiftly moved to get rid of the last pieces of underwear they were wearing, marking each other’s skin as they rolled in the bed. 

“I know this is, hmm, not our first night,” he panted through their kisses, “but I want to, want to make it special. Want to take it slow.” 

She hummed against his lips, wrapping her legs around his waist, and her hands in his hair, “Love me like you never loved me before,” she whispered, caressing his cheek with her thumb. “Love me like you would lose me but knowing that nothing will tear us apart.” 

So, he did, easing himself inside her with no struggle he let their bodies intertwine, and surely that wasn’t the first time, but it still felt special. It was special. After all, it was the sign of a new beginning for them, a new life, a new era where they were equal not only in their hearts but also on paper and in people’s eyes. 

“Fuck,” he mumbled, looking at her face contorted in pleasure, “I’m so lucky to have you.” 

A warm smile curled her lips as her eyes forced open slightly to stare back at him, but she didn’t say a thing back, just letting the compliment comfort her and his love fill her up. 

“Are you truly mine? All mine?” He asked, still in disbelief. 

“Yours, always and forever,” she replied, kissing him, muffling their moans, as she let go even more in his warm embrace and the way his cock was dragging in and out of her body increasingly faster, so good to get her head spinning. 

And more praises and promises rolled out of Jaehyun’s tongue, sealing into the night, writing themselves down with only the stars and moon to testify. Promises of forever. Promises of a bond that was never going to break. A bond that neither time, or sickness, or death could do apart. It wasn’t til death but beyond death.

“I’m, I’m,” the words died in her throat as her glossy eyes stared up at Jaehyun but he didn’t need her to say anything to know she was close, it was in the way her body was shaking underneath him like a leaf in winter and the way she was clenching hard around him.  

“Yeah, love?” He smiled, thumb caressing her cheek and the fingers of his other hand digging into her waist as he pressed her body more against the mattress, hips slamming hard against her ass as his cock filled her up perfectly. “You’re close, right? Want to come already?” 

“Yes,” she breathed out with a shaky voice, legs pushing him closer to her body, hips bucking up to meet him mid—way and nails dragging against the skin of his back, marking him. 

“Come, but know I’m nowhere done with you,” he said. “Gonna fuck you all night,” he groaned against her lips, “gonna fill you up until you can’t take me anymore. Will make sure I’ll be the only one in your mind once I’m done with you.” 

And those words send her over the edge, the possessiveness, his need, his rawness, always drove her crazy, no matter how much she knew there was nothing to prove and nobody that could ever take his place in her life.

And the only thing she could do was to writhe under him and take his first load. 

But he didn’t stop. Jaehyun kept his promises of going on and fuck her over and over again, turning her brain into nothing, turning each other into nothing but a mere extension of the other, blending into one another, becoming a mess into each other’s hold, not knowing where one started and the other ended. 

And they lost count of how many times they came, the remains of their passion on the mess they made on the sheets and their tired bodies.

But it didn’t matter, nothing mattered anymore if not them. 

That was only the begging. 

July had been filled with plans. Taking care of a reign in shambles was hard. Scarlett could’ve never imagined her father let it go so badly, but slowly, she was pulling pieces back together with new policies, laws that protected workers and their economy, more exchanges with some other neighbouring reigns and so on. 

“You should spend some time at our house in the countryside, sweetheart,” her mother had told her one day, entering the war room and watching her stress out over some documents she couldn’t find. 

“No, we can’t,” she replied, head between papers as she silently prayed her father didn’t lose anything. “Maybe you, Jaehyun and Eunbi could go. She needs a break.” 

“She?” The ex—monarch asked, raising a brow. “She’s doing more than fine. Sure, spending days stressing the maids because she follows them everywhere and wants to help with everything, but she’s fine.” 

Scarlett chuckled for a moment, thinking about her daughter and then how little she was seeing her lately. And it wasn’t because she was busy, not only for that at least, but because it was true that Eunbi became friends with anybody there. The other day she even started talking with the master of horses and had already asked him if she could learn how to ride. 

“Maybe you can take her downtown,” she added, opening another folder, and skimming through it. “She needs somebody her age to play with, can’t stress everybody here.” 

Her mother sighed, walking closer to her, helping her to look through the files once she told her what she was looking for. “Talking about other kids,” she started, a small smirk curling her lips, creating more wrinkles on her tired face. “Jaehyun’s not so good at keeping secrets.” 

Scarlett huffed, rolling her eyes, slamming a folder close, infuriated she still didn’t find what she was looking for. 

“I’m not pregnant,” she replied, looking at her. Her warm brown eyes, her grey hair styled in five neat cornrows wrapped in a low bun behind her head, lips tinted of a deep red still pulled in her usual smirk saying, ‘I am your mother, I know.’ 

“Don’t give me that look,” she said. 

“I am not giving you any look, I am just saying that is not recommended for a pregnant woman to be this stressed.” 

“But I am not,” she complained, trying to put the scattered papers in place to at least don’t have more mess on the table. 

“Are you sure? You look tired.” 

“I am, and not because of a baby. You cannot feel it, you didn’t realize it with Eunbi.” 

“I had no idea you did anything physical. Sorry, I imagined you a vir–“ 

“Enough,” she stopped her, lifting her finger up. “Mom, I am fine. Thank you for your concerns, but they are not necessary.” 

She hummed, and then lifted a paper, “is this what you were looking for?” 

Scarlett looked over, eyes squeezing to read better the writing on it. “Yes, how did you find it? I’ve been looking for it for hours.” 

Her mother smiled, shrugging, “It’s a mother thing.” 

She smiled and then hugged her without thinking. It wasn’t something they were used to doing, probably they only hugged three times their entire life, but it was nice. 

“If you find out, let me know this time.” 

“I didn’t mean to hide it from you. You know who you have to blame.” 

“I know,” she replied before walking to the other side of the door. “My offer still stands, think about it. Maybe you and your lovely husband want to try in more… peace,” she winked and before Scarlett could curse, she went out of the door. 

But Scarlett sighed, letting her body rest against the long oval wooden table, placing a hand on her side before her hand unconsciously moved on her stomach. 

“No,” she exclaimed out loud, standing up straight, and shaking her head. She wasn’t tired because she was pregnant. The headaches, the fatigue she felt, the bloating, nothing was related to another kid, right? Her last period arrived, but she also got it meant nothing, and also that was by now a month ago, so if this month skipped… “it’s not the time and place to think about that,” she scolded herself, turning her attention to her papers again. 

Her mind, though, couldn’t keep the same focus for the rest of the day, always drifting on something else, thinking that the idea of taking it with more calm wasn’t so bad, but that meant she needed to get things done now. So, she had decided to leave, deal with some outer problems now that she could and then come back, and if it was needed take some time to rest.

Seeing Eunbi cry tore her heart in two, it was bad even when Jaehyun had to leave, but she had never been without her mother, not for so long at least, and it hurt her a lot too, but it was necessary. But it made her think for the whole ride if maybe Eunbi got too excited over things without thinking them through. Sure, it was natural for a baby, but maybe she did that too much. And once again she wondered if the idea of adding another member to their family was a smart thing to do. 

“You look terrible,” Donghyuck pointed out midway to another reign. 

“And you are always nice.” 

“No, I am saying that you look stressed, worried. Is everything alright?” 

“Yeah, I am just thinking about these meetings that we have. I’m not really sure how I am going to win some people back after what my father had done,” she lied, forcing a smile on her face and then looking out of the window. 

She just wanted these two weeks to pass fast, seal those deals so she wouldn’t have to worry about those other countries anymore, and then go back home to her family. 

Little did she know, she wouldn’t have come back alone. 

“Why are you walking back and forth like this?” Jaehyun asked her. They were outside, enjoying an afternoon tea while Eunbi ran around with some of her maids and occasionally showed them some flowers she picked up or ranted about some insect she caught. But Scarlett seemed off, she seemed off for a while now, but she shrugged it off with work any time he would bring the topic up. 

“I have a weird feeling,” she confessed. Turning around to sit next to him on the white chair. 

“Weird as in bad or good?” He asked, raising a brow, placing the journal he was reading on the table next to him. 

“Good… I guess,” she replied. “I feel weird.” 

Jaehyun stared at her, he wanted to ask her if it was related to a possible pregnancy but didn’t, for some reason, he was terrified of touching the wrong buttons and setting her off. He didn’t want to seem too apprehensive over the thing. They already fucked enough in any possible occasion they had, so he truly didn’t think it was necessary to remind her about it and point out that nothing still happened. More anxiety was the last thing she needed.  

“We can call the doctor.”

She huffed, rolling her eyes. “I’m not sick, not for…” she sighed, waving him off and starting to walk again. “My period skipped,” she confessed with no hesitation and Jaehyun almost risked a heart attack, slamming his flat palm against his chest while he coughed. 

“What? And what were you waiting at telling me that?” 

“I don’t know. I wanted to be sure but I’m like four weeks late now, so unless my hormones are messing with me for other reasons…” 

“Why didn’t you tell me?” He asked again, voice weirdly high. 

“I was waiting for other signs; I don’t want to give your hopes up. I feel weird but not... I don’t know how to explain,” she clarified, running a hand through her hair. “I don’t feel extremely bad but I do feel different but I don’t know if it’s all in my head because I want it so much. I’ve read somewhere that one of the reasons some women find out later that they’re pregnant, as had happened withEunbi, it’s because the body rejects it and what if the opposite is possible too? That I’m simply going crazy and sensing things?” 

“First of all, don’t stress about it,” he comforted her. “But you are always sleepy lately, isn’t that a sign?” 

“But I also work a lot, it may mean absolutely nothing.” Tearing apart the symptoms of pregnancy and all the anxiety she felt due to the rhythm of being a newly set Queen was hard. She had come back from the trip and was beyond tired, not being able to sleep a lot in other countries. And even when she came back she had many things to set up and Donghyuck’s help wasn’t enough, and he also had his kingdom to deal with. 

Jaehyun quirked a brow, trying to think about something more that had happened during the past days. He was keeping a closer look on her, not to sound like a psycho but considering how much they were doing it, and for how long, they had to have fit a fertile window. And, considering they didn’t have problems with conception and fertility, it was just a matter of time. He didn’t want to be paranoic, he simply wanted to make sure she was alright. 

“You are moodier,” he dared to say, hoping she wouldn’t get mad. “And didn’t you scream the other day when Eunbi accidentally hit your boob?” 

“And?” 

“Sore breasts? Isn’t that another sign?” 

She nodded and then chuckled, “how do you know all those things?” 

Jaehyun shrugged, he wasn’t going to tell her he had asked around and informed himself just to be ready. Pregnancy was a painful thing, it wasn’t only rainbow and roses, and since he wasn’t the one going through that, the least he could do was try to help her as much as possible, and being informed was the only way. 

“Should we call a doctor? Or should I take a test?” Scarlett asked, fumbling with her fingers nervously.

“It’s up to you, love.” 

“What if… what if I am not?” 

“That would be fine anyway. Nobody’s running after us.” 

“But I…” she sighed, running a hand on her face, giving up on finishing the sentence. “Let’s take a test then.” 

“Great, but no tears if it’s negative, alright? We are already blessed with one, and then we can always keep on trying. I surely do not mind having so much fun with you,” he joked, winking before pulling her close in a kiss. 

Some days later they were walking back and forth in their bedroom, impatiently waiting for the result to show on the test sitting on the windowsill.

“Can you look at it for me?” Scarlett asked when enough minutes passed. 

Jaehyun hummed, gathering the courage to walk toward it, never feeling so scared in his entire life. Yes, he truly believed what he had told her, they were young and had so many other changes, but a part of him just couldn’t wait. He wanted to meet their new baby as soon as possible. 

So he picked the test up, closed his eyes, and scrolled it from the fluid before taking a deep breath and lifting it just enough so he could see the results. 

And his heart skipped a beat as his body stilled mouth open, eyes incredulous and hands shaking. 

“So? Is it negative?” Scarlett asked from behind him, worried about his reaction. “Babe?” 

Jaehyun turned around, moving his lips to speak but he couldn’t find the words, tears starting to fall from his eyes before he could stop. 

“Babe?” Scarlett asked rushing to him. 

“We’ll be parents again,” he breathed out, snapping from his block, making her stop in her tracks, now being the one in utter shock. 

“I’m… I’m pregnant?” 

“Yes, babe. You’re carrying our kid again.” 

Scarlett brought her hands to her mouth in disbelief and started crying too before running the few steps that divided her from him and falling into his arms. 

“I can’t believe this is happening,” Jaehyun whispered, voice muffled against her hair as he held her tight. “I’ll be here with you. I’ll watch you change and do something so brave for us.” 

She smiled, more happy tears running down her cheeks, snuggling closer to him, inhaling his scent deeply. 

This was how it was supposed to go. 

With him by his side. Feeling safe and protected. Feeling in the right place in the world. 

This time nothing bad would’ve happened, she wouldn’t have had to walk miles with a heavy heart and mourn him, and she wouldn’t have to give birth to their child in a small living room risking her life. 

“Are you happy?” Jaehyun asked and she nodded against his chest, hugging him tighter. 

“I can’t wait to do this with you and Eunbi by my side.” 

It turned out that having Jaehyun by her side was probably more stressful than helpful considering how paranoid over everything he would get. Rarely leaving her side, always making sure she was feeling fine, proposing to take some matters into his hands since he was the King too and he didn’t want her to overwork herself. 

But it was fun, seeing him so considerate. 

And what was nicest was the way his hand always found a way to wrap around her stomach. 

He was obsessed with it, caressing her on any given occasion, or walking two fingers on her covered skin when they were laying in bed, making silly voices. He couldn’t care that there wasn’t a bump yet, he knew their baby was inside and that was all he cared about. 

But his obsession was exactly the giveaway for other people to be suspicious. Nobody knew officially, Scarlett was superstitious and wanted to keep it a secret until the risk of miscarriage started to lower, and considering she was at the th week it was just a matter of time before they could’ve made it official, but everybody could see it anyway from the way they changed. 

How she was much more careful. How she cut off some foods from her diet. How she was more tired, and also how much Jaehyun insisted for her to sleep when she felt the need to, assuring her he could take over for a while. How Jaehyun always prepared tea for her in the afternoon. 

When they delivered the news, it was a Saturday night in late August, they decided to do a cosy dinner all together with no other people around. 

“So, I guess there’s a reason behind this?” Johnny said when they were almost done, the cake was the only thing left to eat – much to Eunbi’s happiness. 

“What?” Scarlett played dumb. “We always used to do this back at home. We’ve simply been busy.” 

“Yeah, busy fuck—” Yuta started before Taeyong slapped a hand on his mouth. 

“There’s a kid,” he reminded him, glaring at him. 

“Sorry, Jesus,” he whined, rolling his eyes and head back. 

“Well, he is correct, though,” Scarlett chuckled, placing her hand on Jaehyun’s, making Taeyong’s gaze fall there.

“No,” Taeyong whispered in shock, mouth open. “For real?” 

“We are waiting for another baby,” Jaehyun announced, eyes running over his friends. 

“Oh, thank God we don’t have to pretend we don’t know it anymore,” Johnny exclaimed, clapping. 

“You knew?” They exclaimed with Taeyong. 

“Why was I the only one who didn’t?” Taeyong asked, head snapping left and right to glare at all his friends.

“Yeah, and how you knew it,” she asked, turning around to look at Jaehyun but he raised his hands. 

“I kept my mouth shut.” 

“We could feel it,” Mark explained, a big smile on his face, “he’s always next to you and he always has a hand around your tummy. Remember that this is how I found out about Eunbi?” 

At hearing her name, Eunbi raised her head, furrowing as she tried to understand what they were talking about, she wasn’t really listening, too busy eating the cake and playing a story in her mind between the small fork and spoon. 

“Me?” 

“Yeah, the first one in this room that knew about you was uncle Mark,” her mom explained and she smiled widely. 

“And Daddy?” 

“I wasn’t there, unfortunately,” Jaehyun said, a bitter smile on his face. A new baby was never going to replace the fact that he never felt her kick in Scarlett’s belly, couldn’t sing her songs and didn’t live it by their side. He knew it wasn’t his fault, he also knew that it was a miracle that they found each other again, but it still hurt him, nonetheless. 

“But you were always there with me, Dada.” 

“Once you were out.” 

“Out? Out of the door?” 

They all laughed, shaking their heads at her cute, confused expression and her cream—stained lips. 

“Tell me we won’t have that talk right now?” Yuta asked and Scarlett waved him off. 

“Before being here in the world, every being spends some time in their mom’s tummy,” Scarlett started explaining. 

Her mouth opened. “You had me there?” She asked, pointing at her tummy and Scarlett nodded. 

“And right now, there’s somebody else here.” 

“Inside you?” 

“Yeah.” 

“It moved in?” 

They all burst laughing, she was so innocent and yet curious it was funny how she tried to come up with a solution even if she had no idea what they were talking about. 

“No, baby, it doesn’t work like this, you can’t get back there,” she said. 

“Then who’s there? Do we know them?” 

“Not yet,” Jaehyun said. “In around five months you’ll meet them.” 

“And remember what we said some time ago? About you not being alone anymore,” Scarlett asked. 

Eunbi’s eyes lightened up, only now starting to realize where this was going. “There’s my sister!” She screamed, letting the spoon fall and standing up on the chair, making Jaehyun wrap a hand around her so she couldn’t fall. “You made my sister! I didn’t know you can make them in your belly.” 

“Yes, let’s say it works like this,” Scarlett cut that short, reaching for her to stop her from jumping on the spot – damned habit when she was excited. “And we don’t know if it’s going to be a sister. You can’t decide, remember?” 

She furrowed again, “But you made her, you can make her how you like. Can she be shorter than me? I want to be the tallest.” 

“Okay, let’s not start, now,” Scarlett chuckled. “It’s not that easy, you decide to have a baby but how it comes out it’s all up to destiny.” 

“Who’s destiny? Do we know her?” 

“Bibi,” Jaehyun chuckled, trying to make her understand but it was just too funny to keep a straight face, especially when the others were all bent in two laughing. 

“No, we don’t know her. We know Désirée, Yuta’s girlfriend,” she said, placing a hand under her chin trying to think if she met anybody named destiny. 

Yuta choked on his saliva, “Hey! That’s not true.” 

“You were with her the other day downtown,” she retorted. “They spent all the time talking about travels and she said she wants to see the rest of the world.” 

“That doesn’t mean that... ugh. Why is she so nosy?” He asked her parents and they shrugged. 

“Going back to the baby,” her mother said, bringing Eunbi’s attention to her again to leave poor Yuta to breathe. “You have to be patient. With time, we’ll find out if it’s a boy or a girl and in some years, we’ll see who will be the tallest, alright?” 

“I will be. Look, I’m so big right now. How tall is she? How can she fit in you if she’s big? Oh my,” she gasped, “is she pushing you?” She asked worried, reaching forward to touch her mother’s belly and caress it. 

“No, she’s too small to move for now,” she replied. “Wait, stop saying she, we don’t know. We’ll use them, fine? Do you like it?” 

She hummed, happily. “If she hurts you tell me, I’ll tell her that noooobody can touch Mama.” 

They all chuckled affectionately at her words, smiling tenderly when she made grabby hands and let Scarlett take her in her arms. 

“When they’ll start moving you can always singe them a lullaby, or caress the belly, it will calm them,” Jaehyun said, caressing her cheek. 

“Can I sing her our song?” 

Scarlett dropped her shoulders at her using ‘she’ again but chuckled. It was clear that she really wanted a sister. 

“You can sing them everything you want, baby,” Jaehyun said. 

“Then can we go to bed, now? You can sing us the song so we’ll both fall asleep together,” she asked, pouting. 

“Is this what we have to do to make you go to sleep early?” Taeyong asked, shocked she was the one proposing to go to bed. 

“I’m good,” she huffed, crossing her arms and pouting at him. 

“But you always put up a scene when it’s time to sleep,” he sang, wiggling his head, making faces at her, making her laugh. 

“But we have so many things to do,” she whined, placing her hands on the table and lifting the weight of her body on them to get closer to Taeyong. “I was chasing butterflies and you made me go to bed.” 

“You’ve been chasing butterflies?” Jaehyun asked, gently caressing her back. 

“Yeah, they were all so… so…” she stopped, thinking of the word, “with colours and pretty.” 

“They were colourful, was that what you were trying to say?” Scarlett asked. 

“Yeah, colourful!” 

“We’ll put her to sleep and then we’ll come back,” Jaehyun said, signaling her to jump off her mom’s lap.

“Oh, you’re back already,” Doyoung noted, eyeing the clock and seeing that had passed just ten minutes since they left. 

“Well, she was tired for the day and said she was trying to meet the baby in her sleep, so,” Scarlett explained, giggling, before sitting back on her seat. 

“We’re all very happy for you, by the way,” Johnny said, smiling at his friends. “We couldn’t wait for you to drop the big news, suspecting it but not being able to say anything was kind of killing us.” 

They smiled, holding hands. “I just wanted to be sure to be over the big risks of miscarriage, you know... the other one is not the news you want to tell people after you gave them this one.”

They hummed, getting her point. “But talking about happy things,” Mark said, leaning closer to her, “How do you feel? Have you picked a list of names yet? Would you prefer a boy or a girl? Come on, tell us how it’s going.”

Jaehyun rolled his eyes and Scarlett chuckled, “God, you haven’t changed a bit.”   

Taking advantage of the baby’s bump not being so big for now, they had decided to do the changes in the palace as soon as possible. Her mother proposed to call somebody else, but they didn’t want to. They basically built an entire house from scratch, their first place, so they could surely adjust two rooms. 

“We’ll bring you closer to us, but not too much, so if the baby screams or cries at night you won’t hear a thing,” Scarlett said, explaining to Eunbi why they picked the room at the end of the corridor to be hers and not the one right next to their chamber. The walls were thick, but a baby was still a baby, and even if they were just born their lungs were so strong you could hear them from miles. 

“I like this,” she said, looking around; it was bigger than the other she had and had a big balcony that let a lot of light wash in even if there was a fence that didn’t let her have access outside. 

“This was the room where I used to play the piano and study,” Scarlett reminisced. It was now empty, ready to move Eunbi’s things in, but it was still filled with memories. 

“Your mom spent her days here,” Jaehyun said as he pushed her bed against the wall, fixing the light lilac drape that fell from the structure of the bed shaped like a house. “She always played the piano and sang.” They looked at each other, smiling tenderly, thinking back at their past days spent there. 

“And you listened to her?” She asked, running to him to give him some pillows to place on her already made bed. 

“I was there to protect her, but yeah, I used to get lost in her voice. Don’t tell her,” he whispered, “but she had the most angelic voice I’ve ever heard.” 

Eunbi giggled, and Scarlett smiled, “I heard you.” 

“Oops, and wait until she finds out that made me fall for her.” 

“Can you sing for me, Mama?” 

“We have your room to decorate.” 

“We sing and decorate,” Eunbi proposed, already walking to the pile of boxes with her things. “There’s no shaking horse,” she whined, looking around and not seeing it. 

“I told Johnny she was going to find out immediately,” Jaehyun said. “Remember that you wanted it to be a unicorn?” She nodded. “Johnny’s making a miracle, that’s why it’s not here.” 

“Oh, I knew he would, he promised me,” she cheered happily, now calm, knowing nobody took it away from her. 

“Why don’t we take care of your playing corner?” Scarlett proposed, walking to the other side of the room. “We’ll hang that drape and then we’ll put that big, fluffy, round cushion right under it.” 

“Here,” Eunbi said, giving her the pink drape, “Don’t fall,” she warned when her mother climbed on a ladder to insert the tent around the round wire hanging from the ceiling. 

“Scarlett,” Jaehyun called her, “what did we say about you doing those things?” 

“I’m fine,” she huffed. “Here, it’s hanged,” she reassured them both, climbing down and pushing the ladder to the side. 

“You’re going to be the death of me,” Jaehyun muttered, going back to the other side to assemble the small heart—shaped library. 

“Daddy’s too paranoic,” she chuckled as Eunbi placed the pink pillow under it, fixing the curtain around it.

“We don’t want you and baby to hurt,” she replied with a pout.

“I know, Mama and baby are fine,” she comforted. “And now the pillows, and the plushies.” 

Eunbi smiled, rushing to grab the last things missing and then started placing them how she liked them the most.

“And we’re down with this,” Scarlett cheered. “You can pull the curtain all around you or leave it open,” she explained, showing it to her. “And soon we’ll also hang a small lamp if you want to read, but try to do it in the light, alright? It’s for your eyes.” 

She hummed. “Can Dada put the library here?” 

“Yes, wherever you want it.” 

“I want this corner to be for… uhm… things I like?” 

“Why don’t you grab those big boxes and take them here? We can put them against the wall and order all your toys inside.” 

“I love it,” she exclaimed, rushing to take them. 

“Order them as you like. I’ll help dad, fine?” 

“So, any help?” 

“You can sit and play with Eunbi,” he replied, dismissing her.

“Jae, I’m not about to die, I’m fine,” she said, rolling her eyes. “I’m only always hungry and I have a disgusting amount of vaginal discharges but I assure you it’s something I can survive with.” The baby was starting to grow, it was almost the end of the fourth month, and she could see a faint highlight of a tummy, but she didn’t have any bad symptoms. Actually, the terrible nauseous of the first months disappeared.

He giggled, “is it given to hormones?” 

“I guess, they are always the ones to blame, right?” 

“I know I’m annoying at times but… I want to make sure you’re safe,” he said, placing down the hammer to look at her. 

“I know, but I’m not dumb. I know my limits, I would never push myself past them, so I will keep me and baby,” she chuckled, making him giggle too, “safe.” Not really liking to keep it gender-neutral, Eunbi came up with the solution of calling it baby because, apparently, it helped her to be reminded less of the 50% of possibility of having a brother. 

“We need to come up with a name, maybe sooner than we did with her. I don’t know what were you waiting exactly to name her.” 

“Hey, I was a broken-hearted widow,” she joked, pushing his arm playfully. “And also she came out of me before the due time, I wasn’t expecting her.” 

“Fine, but this time we’ll have a name before the seventh month.” 

“As you wish my King,” she kidded, kissing his cheek. 

“Mom, Dad, I put them in place,” Eunbi screamed, happy about how she had fixed her toys in the boxes. “Can we decor the outside?” 

“Yeah, I’m coming.” 

After Jaehyun was done with the library, he sat down next to her, helping them decorate the boxes, gluing glitters, and attaching stickers and wooden crafts they had painted together. And little by little, the whole room came together. The canopy bed was at its place in the middle of the room with pillows, her plushies and her comfort blanket, at its side there was a small bedside table where she could keep the essentials. On the other side of the room, there was her play corner, with the curtain and pillow and all the boxes with her toys, the heart—shaped library, and her dollhouse. And what took most of the wall was the closet. The only things missing to decorate were the shelves on the walls and the small vanity table next to the balcony. 

“Do you like it?” Jaehyun asked Eunbi. 

“I love this soooo much,” she exclaimed with a big smile on her face, “it’s just how I wanted it. It only misses the shaking horse and my little sister.” 

They chuckled, “your little sister?” 

“Or brother,” she shrugged, pouting. “Can they play with me?” She asked, entering the shelter in the corner. 

“Babies are delicate when they are born,” Jaehyun explained. 

“But look!” She exclaimed, touching the pillow under her. “Here is so soft.” 

Scarlett giggled. “They will play with you but not immediately, you have to wait some more.” 

She furrowed, tilting her head as she stared at her parents with a confused expression. 

“And what can we do together?” She asked, pouting, crawling out of there to reach her mom that was sitting on the rocking chair and asking her to grab her, struggling to find a place on her leg since she didn’t want to press against the belly, even if for now it wasn’t extremely big.  

“You can hold them in your arms and lull them, sing them a lullaby, and then you’ll give them your first toys. Just wait three months and your little brother or sister will play with you.” 

“And baby won’t sleep here?” 

“No, honey,” Jaehyun said, caressing her hair, “baby will be very loud, and you want to sleep at night, right?” 

She hummed. “And baby’s room will be my old one?” 

“No, we’ll move the nursery on our right, so we’ll have each one of you at our side,” he replied, smiling at her. 

“So, we will all be close to each other.” 

When they started decorating the nursery for the new baby, she was halfway through the fifth month. Her belly had grown a lot, and so did the back pains. 

And the back pains were the only thing that made her sit down and simply watch Jaehyun fix everything. Eunbi was out with Taeyong, he had brought her to the bakery because Jaemin had called him for help and he decided to bring her along. 

“Why are you looking at me like that?” She asked, furrowing. 

“You’re cute,” Jaehyun explained, pushing the mattress in the white crib, and diverting his gaze from her. 

“I’m just eating,” she mumbled, pushing down a bite of the fruit she was devouring. 

“It’s baby, isn’t it?” 

“Well, baby is the reason I’m craving so much food, but fruits are good for the both of us,” she explained. “You know that I like calling it baby? It’s soft.” 

Jaehyun chuckled. “Don’t tell me you’re thinking about letting her choose a name. She will make something up from her fantasy’s worlds.” 

Scarlett laughed. “No, but can we pick it with her?” 

“Yeah, once we’ll have the names and she can have a normal list to pick from.” 

She smiled, getting up, helping him push the armchair next to the crib, and receiving a glare. 

“I thought you had back pain.” 

“I have them but it’s just a chair, don’t worry. Instead, do you have something in mind?” 

“How to call it?” 

She hummed and then started passing him the pack of diapers to put in the drawers of the changing table. 

“We don’t even know if it’s a boy or a girl,” he said, pausing for a moment to think. “Wait, you’re 19 weeks in, we should know it at your next control, right?” 

“Yeah…” she said, “I’m not sure I want to know.” 

“You don’t?” 

She shrugged. “We can have a surprise or something.”

“This pregnancy is too calm for you, isn’t it? You really do love the thrill of things.” 

She laughed, “Stop it, now. I don’t know if I want to find out.” 

“You are terrified it’s a boy, you don’t want it just like Eunbi.” 

“I don’t care, I wouldn’t mind a little you walking around,” she smiled, bopping his nose.  

“What if their twins?” 

“They’re not,” she almost screamed, voice strangled in her throat, already panicking just at the possibility of carrying two instead of one. “You saw the echography, it’s just one, a small bean.” 

“Can we have a third one then?” 

“Oh, Lord, let me get through this one first, please,” she laughed. 

“I know, it’s just,” he pulled her close, kissing her lips softly, “I think that three it’s the perfect number.” 

“I’m fine with that but not in one single pregnancy.” 

“Have I told you that you look beautiful like this,” he said, hands caressing her tummy. 

“It’s starting to show a little,” she smiled dumbly, pulling up the shirt, “I can’t wait for it to be so round I can’t even see my feet.”  

“Eunbi was big, I think you should be grateful she came out before, or else it would’ve been even worse.” 

“She was, I felt like a big balloon going around,” she giggled. “What will you do baby?” 

At that moment the baby kicked, making them still. 

“It kicked! Did you see the little feet,” she exclaimed, looking at him with wide—open eyes. 

“It did, I want to feel it,” he said, placing a hand on her and almost crying when he finally felt their baby move. 

“It’s so strong,” he whispered in awe. 

“Oh, no, another one running around just like her?” She chortled but her eyes were watery. 

“Are you crying? It has never done it before?” 

She shook her head. “This is the first time.” 

“I’m so happy right now.” 

“I think baby’s happy too.” 

“Does it hurt?” He asked, still amazed as he kept his hand there. 

She shook her head. “It’s weird, I haven’t felt something move in me in ages but no, it doesn’t,” she explained, still smiling widely. “Is it weird if I say that I already want to meet them?” 

Jaehyun smiled, pulling her closer, gently caressing the bump, “I think it’s more than normal.” 

“But not because I want them out,” she explained, “like not for now, I’m still not heavy and round enough to want the belly to go away but I’m just so eager to know what it will be like this time.” 

“Yeah, I agree with you,” he smiled, caressing her cheek. “I can’t get you on the round part but for the rest…” he chuckled. 

“I want to see our kids play together. I know Eunbi will be such a great sister, she loves the baby so deeply already.” 

“I want that too, but you know what,” he whispered, leaning closer, “I think we should enjoy these months, not only because they will be the last of sleep for a while,” he joked, making her laugh, “but because I want to walk this path with you slowly, and let’s be honest, time will fly.” 

She hummed, nodding. It was true that time passed in the blink of an eye, so there was no need to wish it would rush up even more. 

“I truly want to be here with you this time, and I want to savour every moment of it, Scarlett.” 

At the end, they did find out the sex of the baby. They told the obgyn to don’t tell them and write it down in the envelope with the echography. 

And now Eunbi was excitedly sitting on her parent’s big bed with the letter in her hands, waiting for them to give her the signal to open it and be the first one to discover what it was. 

“Are you ready?” Jaehyun asked her, keeping his arms around Scarlett and feeling the baby kick hard, caressing her tummy hoping it would calm down. 

“Yes, I open it now,” she said, sweaty hands fumbling with the tongue of the package before she pulled the paper out and closed her eyes. She was a little bit nervous because she had spent days trying to learn how the words ‘sister’ and ‘brother’ were written and she was terrified she would forget, but then remembered that if it was a girl it would have a small purple heart and green if it was a boy so she took a deep breath and opened her eyes. 

She furrowed for a moment to read the letters and her heart jumped in her throat when she read the first one.  

“It’s a sister! I was right! I was right!” She jumped up, crawling to her mother to show her. “Look si-sis-ster! You made me a sister!” 

Jaehyun and Scarlett looked at her tenderly, almost crying when she hugged the tummy and started leaving kisses on it.

“Are you happy?” She asked, turning around to look at Jaehyun, caressing his face when she saw his teary eyes. 

They were expecting another baby girl. 

“Never been happier,” he said, “can’t wait to add another amazing woman in my life.” 

“Shut up, you’ll make me cry,” she whined, already feeling emotional. She didn’t care much about it being a boy or a girl but she still felt her heart fill up with joy. Probably it was because Jaehyun had stayed with her at the first daughter and now even at the second, unlike her father. Or maybe it was because she only cared about the joy in Eunbi’s eyes, and now it was overflowing. 

“We’ll have another baby girl,” Jaehyun said to Eunbi when she pulled away from her tummy. 

“I’m so happy,” she exclaimed, struggling to walk on the mattress to rush in her father’s arms, letting him lift her up and make her spin in the air. 

“You can make us the flower crowns,” she said, “and then I’ll give her aaall my dresses and we’ll play princess and I’ll teach her how to read.” 

“You were so good at reading before,” he praised her, swinging around. 

“I can be a big sister now, I can make you so pride of me,” she chanted, moving her eyes from him to her mother.  

“We are already so proud of you, little bird,” he reassured her, moving her hair back and then starting to play with her again, making her do the airplane in the air, their laughs mixing together. 

And Scarlett didn’t move, knowing for sure that, if she dared touch the ground, her knees wouldn’t have supported her, and simply watched the scene after looking down at the 6 centimetres baby inside of her and holding her belly hard. Tears falling silently on her face but from happiness. 

She had never felt fuller of love in her entire life. Her daughters were never going to have to fight for love and respect because they were so loved. And that was all she needed to know that she had made the right choices years before. 

Sisterhood was a beautiful gift, a rare gem to protect, and knowing that Eunbi was already cherishing it so much, made her heart jump with joy. 

“Happy birthday to you! Happy birthday to Eunbi! Happy birthday to you!” Eunbi smiled before blowing on the candles on her big cake, marking another milestone of her life, her fourth birthday. 

Scarlett and Jaehyun were standing behind her, hugging each other as they tried to push back the tears seeing how big she had gotten. Their baby was four. An amazing, strong, intelligent four years old little girl. 

“Did you make a wish?” Scarlett asked, leaning closer to her, and caressing her shoulder. 

“Yes, but I can’t tell it,” she replied. “I also made one for us.” 

“Oh, did you?” She cooed and Eunbi hummed. “You’re so kind, baby. I hope all your wishes will come true.” 

“Thank you, Mama,” she smiled. “And now cake,” she said and started chanting ‘cake’ with her two kindergarten friends that came to the party, Fei and Amelia, the son of one of the maids whom she got close to, Ben, and Donghyuck’s son, Sungmin.

“Alright, time to eat this delicious cake uncles Jaem and Yong prepared,” Jaehyun said, grabbing a knife and starting to cut it. “First slice to the birthday girl, shall we?” He asked, looking at the other kids in line that nodded in agreement. “And here you go, princess,” he beamed, handing her a plate full of cake. 

“Thank you, Dada,” she smiled. “I’ll wait for you at my table,” she told to her friends, starting to walk toward the smaller kid’s table with her plate in hand, a fake tiara on top of her head and a puffy dress swinging around. 

Once everyone was served, they sat down at their table, chatting with the others. Eunbi wanted a party outside, but considering it was the 13th of November that surely wasn’t the smartest idea. But opening the ballroom and setting it up how she liked it the most (lilac everywhere — at this point it was an obsession that didn’t seem to pass — balloons, flowers and tents they made up with chairs and table), made her happy anyway.

“She’s so big now,” Taeyong whispered, leaning against Scarlett’s arm while his gaze was on Eunbi that was eating the cake and talking with her friends. “I remember when I held her the first time in my arms.” 

Scarlett hummed, “sight? It seems yesterday and it’s been four years.” 

“All the times I had to prepare your favourite soup because you had cravings, and all the songs we sang to make her calm down.” 

“Yeah, and what about all the help you gave me with all the disgusting aspects of pregnancy?” 

“I wouldn’t call them disgusting, more painful and annoying for those going through that, but a little help while puking didn’t kill anybody,” he answered, smiling at the memories. “I was so excited to meet her, I admit, I was happy when your water broke before the due date.” 

“You were happy? I was literally terrified. She never gave me time to mentally prepare for anything.” 

Taeyong laughed. “She loves a surprise entrance every time,” he joked. “Guess she will do great things in her life. She either goes big or goes home.” 

“Yeah. When she started crawling so soon and climbed everywhere and as soon as she started talking she never stopped.” 

“She wants to learn how to read so bad,” he said. “The other day she made me redo the lesson schedule because I didn’t put in reading time.” 

“Really?” 

“Yeah, she’s my boss. She takes care of me.” 

“It’s the revenge because you still make her sleep in the afternoon.” 

“Maybe, but she still needs it. And I don’t get why sleeping it’s such a big thing, I’d pay for someone to force me in bed and don’t do anything all day.” 

Scarlett chuckled. “I agree. But she has so much to discover,” she smiled, moving forward to ask Jaehyun, that was talking with Johnny at their side, to cut her another slice of cake. “She remembers the name of every single maid and I think that at this point she even talks with the walls.”

“Here’s your cake,” Jaehyun interrupted them, handing her the plate. 

“Thank you,” she said, smiling at him. “I don’t know what you and Jaem put in this, but I’m addicted,” she hummed, grabbing a spoonful and then eating it. 

Taeyong giggled, “I think the cravings are altering your taste but thanks.” 

“No, seriously,” she said after swallowing, “You outdid yourself, it’s so good.” 

“She’s enjoying it too, I guess,” he joked, pointing his head at the tummy where Scarlett was lightly tapping, he guessed, to keep her calm. 

“Yeah, she woke up at the second bite,” she replied, looking down for a moment, smiling tenderly. 

“How are you keeping up?” He asked, he saw her every day but their main focus was Eunbi’s progress or other things that had nothing to do with her. “I’m kind of sad I’m not as present as the last time.” 

“You won a kid and that’s Eunbi,” she joked. “By the way, I’m doing… fine, I guess.” 

He quirked a brow, “Are you sure?” 

“Yeah, I’m just more tired. I’m very happy, don’t misunderstand, but everything happened so fast. Moving here, becoming a Queen, getting married and I’ve been pregnant with her basically since then. I wanted another baby but none of us was expecting our tries to be this lucky on the first round.” 

“You didn’t assimilate everything…” 

“Yeah, I feel so high and it’s good, but I’m older now, and it’s also tiring. The rush of good things hits different now than when you’re in your early twenties.” 

“And a pregnancy, too,” he added, holding the now empty plate for her and passing the napkin to clean up. 

“I feel so good and even hot in my skin some days but then some others I feel so wrong, all the marks, and the bloating, and the swollen feet and hands. The other day I had to take off the wedding ring,” she sighed, playing with it. “And then I crave so much fruit, I’m obsessed with it just as much as Bi’s obsessed with light purple.” 

“Don’t call it that, she gets offended,” he joked and then imitated her, “Lilac, even the name is pretty.” 

Scarlett laughed, watching as the kids got back playing and smiling tenderly when she saw her mother loosen up a little and play with them. “I get offended if someone brings me red grapes instead of white, we’re both annoying.” 

“If it makes you feel better,” he said, grabbing her hand and caressing the palm, “you do look amazing. You have a glow when you’re pregnant that makes you look so radiant, especially when you’re also with Eunbi. Motherhood looks great on you.” 

Damned, hormones, she felt like crying now. “You are my number one supporter even for this now,” she replied, leaning closer to hug him. “I love you so much, Yong. Thank you for taking care of her just like you did when you didn’t even meet her yet.” 

Jaehyun was beyond anxious, the more months passed the more it seemed like he couldn’t calm down, and that also included sex. He was incredibly delicate, terrified of doing anything. Treating her so, so carefully. 

Scarlett didn’t feel extremely aroused, but the hormones sometimes picked up so bad that lust filled her brain completely, yet, Jaehyun seemed terrified of her and she was getting tired of it. 

“Am I ugly? Do I don’t live up to your pregnant body expectations?” She asked one day. They were done getting ready to sleep and Jaehyun didn’t even spare her a glance as she was getting undressed. The six months belly was already pretty round and showing in all glory. “I thought you couldn’t wait to see me full of you and what now? Is it because I also gained weight? Are the new stretchmarks the problems? Is it my breast? What?” 

“What?” He asked, turning around with wide eyes, not understanding her random rant. “You think I don’t find you… beautiful like this?” 

She chuckled bitterly, “You hesitated, you find me repulsive.” 

“Repulsive? Are you insane? I always tell you that you’re glowing,” he replied. He did because how could he not. She was glowing like that, not only for the way her body looked but also for the confidence she radiated. Luckily the pregnancy was going on with no complications and this time around she was surrounded by love and it reflected on her. “I always touch you, hug you, kiss you. How could I hate you ever but how could I do it now?” 

“Then,” she sniffled, “then why don’t you want me?” 

He hesitated, only now getting what she truly meant, “You… you want to have sex?” 

“You don’t want me,” her voice broke.  

“No, I — I find you hot, alright? Incredibly hot. But you are a pregnant woman, the mother of my kids, how is that not wrong?” 

Scarlett scoffed, throwing her head back, not understanding why he was so taken aback by it, “How is that wrong?” 

“The fact that if I’d look at you like you want me to look at you, I’d go crazy because your body like this drives me insane. Because if I let that part take over, I’d tell you that I’d never, ever, find you hotter than now. And that is surely wrong.” 

“No, I like it. I want you to want me. I want you to be crazy for me. I need to know that my body going through these enormous changes it’s not a bad thing or a big deal,” she replied. “And I am incredibly horny, Jae. I need you. The hormones are driving me insane. You are driving me insane.”

“But… can we do this?” 

“Yes, my pregnancy is not at risk. You can’t hurt her,” she reassured him, she would’ve never done anything that would’ve compromised the safety of the baby and herself. 

“But are you sure? I don’t want to sound weird, I don’t want this to be uncomfortable for you,” Jaehyun checked in again, not because he didn’t want to, but because he wanted it too much and he needed to make sure she was into this just like him.  

“If it will get uncomfortable, we’ll stop, but about the rest, I don’t care.” 

After her words, he was on her in a moment, lips kissing her hard and hands cupping her face before he swiftly moved them to lift her nightgown over her shoulders, leaving her bare at his eyes and then gently laying her on the bed. 

“Fuck,” he moaned as his eyes travelled on her naked body, her round boobs had grown in size, sitting prettily on her chest, swollen and tender. Her belly was now round, and quite big, not at the fullest but just enough to leave him in a haze at the amazing things she, and her body, were going through. “You’re so hot.” 

“Want to see you, too,” she said, reaching out to get him out of his clothes. “You’re making me forget what your body looks like.” She was always naked at his eyes since he always offered to bathe her and help her get in her clothes, not that she couldn’t by herself, but the baby was big, bigger than Eunbi, and a little help didn’t hurt. And how could she say no to all the attention? But on the other hand, he never let her help. 

“I’m not glowing like you, you’re not missing anything,” he said, swiftly getting rid of everything too and trying to stand on top of her but the tummy got in the way, making her laugh as he tried to find a way to kiss her. 

“Maybe we can find another position?” 

“I just wanted to kiss you,” he whined, “she’s not even here, and she’s already keeping me away from you.” 

“Here,” she whispered, lifting her back up and kissing him. “I think it was my fault for arching my back, also.” 

“I want to make you feel good,” he whispered, hand traveling down on her tummy, reaching her wet core and starting to move in circles. 

“Ah,” she whimpered, letting her head fall behind and arching her back. “Shit,” she jolted, and he stopped. 

“Are you okay?” 

“Yeah, yeah, she moved, sorry, I wasn’t expecting it,” she chuckled. 

“Do you think she feels something?” He asked as he picked up the movements again. 

“I guess, probably she feels the – umm – the contractions of my body.” 

“I can sto—”

“Don’t you dare,” she stopped him, pulling him closer to kiss him. “I need you, Jaehyun. Need you so much.” 

And he didn’t let her repeat it twice, moving away from her to reach between her thighs and bury his face against her pussy. 

“Yeah, just like that,” she moaned, trying to hold his hair but finding it difficult so Jaehyun moved his hand to intertwine it with hers. 

“You’re so wet,” he noted before picking up a rhythm against her, tongue moving slowly on her clit and occasionally teasing her entrance. “Do you like this?” 

“Yes. Please, more,” she mumbled, moving his hand on her belly when she felt the baby kick again. And Jaehyun caressed it gently while his other hand was busy making its way inside of her, middle finger prodding at her entrance, slowly pushing in, testing the waters before he started moving it faster. 

And he probably should’ve found this weird, finger fucking her and eating her out while he could feel their child move inside of her, but it was oddly romantic – and hot – in his head. It was a level of intimacy that reached no other, nothing could come close to that. And she looked breathtaking like this. He couldn’t really see her since the bloated belly was dividing them from the position he was in, but he had her impressed by heart and knew every wrinkle on her face, the way her lips were twitching, and how her long lashes rested on her cheeks. 

“I’m going to come,” she breathed out, holding his hand on her belly tighter, and bucking her hips for what she could. “It feels so good,” she cried out and, before he could do anything else, the orgasm broke out of her, stronger than ever before, it felt a little bit different, but it was good, so, so good. 

“Fuck, you’re amazing,” he whispered, gently kissing her knee, and making his way up to her thigh and then her belly until his lips reached hers and started kissing her gently. “How do you want to do it?” 

“I don’t know,” she whined, trying to kiss him again, just wanting to feel him, letting her hands wander on his body, and kiss him over and over again because between a thing and the other they could never really be intimate, and sure, she loved the other small intimate gestures but this was something that she loved just as much. It was more than falling asleep in each other’s arms, it was more than holding hands, it was more than doing a kind gesture to the other. This was getting deep into each other’s skin, merging together for a small bit of time and pretending that nothing outside of them existed. 

“We can maybe try sideway,” he proposed through one of the thousand kisses, moaning when her hand reached his hard dick and started pumping, “it should be easy.” 

But she shook her head, “Want to see you,” her voice was breathy, and she turned flat on the mattress again, bringing him with him. 

“I’ll weigh on her,” he said, trying to don’t make their stomachs touch. 

“You won’t crush her, you can always don’t lean on me,” she said. “I’m fine. We are fine. She’s having a party down there,” she joked, kissing his worries away again. And so he gave in, hands wrapping under her thighs to pull her closer to him before he started to brush the tip of his cock against her slit. “You will be the death of me,” he whispered in a haze, mesmerized by her beauty. Years had passed and she still had him hooked on her. She was always going to be the most beautiful being he had ever seen. 

Scarlett smiled, reaching for his hand again and gasping when his cock stretched her full. It had been six months since something penetrated and she felt her breath get snatched away before she started laughing and made Jaehyun still. 

“Are you okay?” He asked worriedly but without pulling out.

She nodded, covering her face with an arm as she tried to calm down, “I’m sorry, shit, sorry, sorry,” she mumbled. “I was just thinking how,” she stopped again, laughing, “if the stretch from you feels so much after all this time I’m worried about when I’ll have to push her out.” 

Jaehyun giggled, rolling his eyes, “You have a talent for ruining hot moments.” 

“I’m sorry,” she apologized again. “Can I be worried, though, since it’s my body doing all the work again?” 

“Sure,” he said, smirking, “guess we’ll have to help your muscle to stretch out,” he joked, pulling out and slamming in again slowly. 

“Mhh,” she hummed, eyelid fluttering close and then open again, “I love to exercise like this.” 

And soon, they found a way to work it out, even with the bump ‘getting in the way’ and his fears of hurting her disappearing more and more until another thought sparked in his mind. Jaehyun couldn’t don’t pay attention to her boobs. How much fuller they had gotten again. How beautiful they were and how perky her nipples were. Was it so bad, so depraved, to want to taste her? 

And Scarlett didn’t get it immediately, when she saw him furrow his brows and shake something out of his brain, trying to concentrate on his thrusts and squeezing her hand tighter. But she knew him, it was weird he didn’t ask her anything of that kind when she was breastfeeding Eunbi. She knew how much he loved her boobs and she knew how amazed he was by what they were doing right now. 

So since he seemed so shy to ask, she moved their hands on one of them, making him snap up in surprise. 

“Don’t want to hurt you,” he mumbled, trying to pull away, but she firmly held him in place. 

“They’re so sore,” she cried. “Can you suck on them, please?” 

Jaehyun’s eyes snapped open at the request, gulping hard as he tried to don’t look so excited but his body was betraying him, she could feel his cock throbbing inside of her, and she could see his eyes shine with lust. 

“Are you – shit – are you sure this is not weird, I – fuck –,” he cried, really trying to fight it back. 

She rolled her eyes, cupping his face to force him closer, “I said, help me out. You don’t want to leave your baby mama unsatisfied, right?” And he finally listened, nodding and then latching his lips around one of her sensitive nipples. Now, she never really thought about something like that but fuck if it was relieving, how painful they felt sometimes and how good she was feeling now with all the stimulation. 

“Fuck, it tastes good,” he moaned against her skin, changing sides as he kept moving in and out of her at a steady pace. “Dripping when I don’t pay one attention?” He teased, looking with a smirk at the white liquid dripping down the nipple and running on her breast. 

“They’re so hard,” she moaned, “don’t stop please. My boobs are so – fuck – full,” the words died in her mouth again when he started sucking again, and she could feel the orgasm approach once again. Head rolling back and lips parting open to let out low moans. 

And Jaehyun started sucking and fucking harder, hearing those pretty little sounds, getting lost in pleasure too because it just felt so good and he felt like he was about to go crazy right there and then. 

“Close,” she mumbled, spreading her legs wider, trying to buckle up and feel him even more. 

“Going to come?” He asked, pulling away for a moment, looking for her hand again and intertwining it with his. 

“Yes, fuck, it’s so, so good,” she cried, wanting to wrap her legs around him but not succeeding and Jaehyun got the message that she wanted to feel him closer, so he tried to lean in some more and keep one of her legs close with his free hand. 

“Needy, you’re so – mmph – needy, fuck,” he teased, squeezing his eyes shut when her pussy clenched tighter around him. “Going to fill you up. Come around my cock, baby, make a – fuck – a mess,” he moaned, letting go of her nipple and kissing her, muffling the higher moans that were coming out of her mouth. 

Scarlett threw her head back, nails digging into the skin of his back and in the palm of his hand as the second orgasm hit her harder than the first one and made her feel lightweight. 

“Fuck, fuck,” he cursed, throwing his head back and hips stilling against her ass as they both came undone, high pitch moans rippling past their mouths. “Shit, I had missed you so much,” he said, shaking his head, leaving small kisses on her collarbones before pulling out slowly, and then laying down next to her, caressing her face. 

“Need you,” she whispered, turning to the side. 

“Again?” He asked, taken by surprise. 

“Yes, please, one more. I don’t think we can do it again, I’ll only get bigger with time.” 

“If that’s what you want, I’d never say no to you,” he said, sitting to get back in his old position but her hand on his chest keeping him still stopped him. 

“Want to ride, want to feel you closer.” 

“Ride me?” He asked. “Babe, I don’t think that’s –” She stopped him, kissing him and then climbing on his lap, starting to straddle him. “Fine,” he mumbled against the kiss, he loved when she was on top, and like this, with her beautiful round body and boobs, how could he say no, now? 

“Good,” she smiled, hand reaching between their bodies to take his cock again and line it against her, slowly sinking on him, head lolling back as she enjoyed being full again. “You always fit so perfectly in me.” 

He hummed lowly, letting his head fall back for a moment as he enjoyed the way she clenched around him before he straightened again. “You look like a Goddess,” he whispered, eyes adjusting at her frame in front of him, hands wrapping around her waist for what he could to help her move. 

Scarlett smiled, leaning in to kiss him, giggling lightly when her bump crashed against him. 

“Are you sure you’re comfortable?” He asked, he knew she loved riding him, it gave her more control and it was one of the most intimate positions but like this, it was surely more difficult. 

“Yes, I love this,” she replied. “Do you like this? Do I feel good?” 

“Yes, you always – shit – feel amazing, love,” he replied, his forehead resting against hers as he took the chance to delete the distance completely and kiss her again while his hands were all over her body, touching and squeezing, causing shivers to form on her skin. 

Low hums of appreciation came out of her mouth, getting trapped against his, while her hands rested on his shoulder, trying to push her body up and down as best as she could and at the same time roll her hips for more friction. And surely it was harder, but damn if it felt so good. 

“I love you so much,” he whispered, barely pulling back from her lips, his hand wrapping around her waist to help her movements. “Don’t ever – ah – don’t ever think that I don’t find you attractive – fuck,” he cursed, kissing her again, and again, squeezing her flesh harder. “Don’t ever think that you’re not the most beautiful woman I’ve ever seen,” and he kissed her again, hips slamming hard up against her. “I’m madly in love with you. So fucking much it’s scary.” 

Her heart flipped in her chest, while her hands crept in his hair and pushed him close again, needing to fill the silence with something bigger than words.  

“I love you, and every – fuck – inch of you. Promise you will never,” he stopped, breath faltering as he could feel both of their orgasms approach, “Promise you will never doubt what bonds us.” 

“Never,” she whispered, “I’ll never doubt us.” 

And with that thought, their orgasms struck, releasing hard as they melted into each other’s arms. 

When the holiday passed, Scarlett was on her 32nd week and it was by now just a matter of time before the birth. She felt like she was exploding, and she honestly was starting to fear how she was going to push the baby out. But overall, everything was going fine, just some usual back pain, more stretches on her body, and the usual repulsion for certain food. 

“Do you think Eunbi will have jealous outbursts?” Scarlett asked. It was early in the afternoon, and they were in their chamber as Jaehyun helped her braid her hair. With the labor approach, she wanted to protect her hair and scalp, avoiding keeping them natural like it happened the first time. All the complications between and after, leading her to keep them in a terrible bun for days and fight with a dry scalp caused by all the sweating of the pushes. And now that her hair almost arrived at her waist, it was way too long for her to be dealing with it. So, box braids were the best options for her – with only thirteen sections so it would’ve taken too long, also considering that Jaehyun had little to no experience, and she had no strength to do them herself.  

“I’m pretty sure she won’t,” he said, starting to work on the first section on her nape. “She looks more excited than us.” 

Scarlett chuckled, relaxing back in the chair and caressing the belly, luckily the baby was sleeping and not kicking as always. 

“Do you think we did a good thing sending her to public school?” She then asked, trying to don’t move her head up and let him finish the first braid. They had discussed it a lot. Her mother was pretty much against it, telling them how it was better to go for private education, but Scarlett didn’t want Eunbi to be lonely like her and grow up with no friends her age. Eunbi was way too outgoing and extroverted to be locked up in a fancy palace all her life and don’t discover the outside world. Also, they presented themselves as the ones that wanted to change things so they had to actually do it. Being a hypocrite was the last thing Scarlett wanted.

“You’re thinking about it now? It’s been months since she started school,” he said. “And this first week after the holiday went fine.” 

“I was asking if she maybe told you something about it,” she explained, playing with her fingers. “Does she has friends? Don’t normal people hang out in their houses? Can they come here? Will they come here?” 

Jaehyun furrowed, raising a brow. “Why do you stress over nothing?” 

“But it is something,” she huffed. “We want her to be like the others but she’s not, she will never be. What if people will use her? Or what if… I don’t know, what if she won’t fit?” 

“But she invited some friends over for her birthday party and they seemed nice.”

“She invited the whole class and only two showed up,” she pointed out, trying to push the tears back. Knowing that she couldn’t protect her tore her apart, and yes, it was life, but Eunbi was still so young and innocent to be hurt that bad. 

“Did she tell you something?” Jaehyun asked this time, worried she knew something he didn’t, while he worked on closing the braid, no hair was added so he needed an elastic band and cursed under his breath because those damned things broke in his hands. 

“She was very happy about the party, you know how she is, small things make her happy. But she did confess she was expecting more friends to show up.” 

“Do you think the family didn’t let them or maybe they were just busy?” 

“I have no idea. Taeyong drops her by and then takes care of her other lessons here, and he tells me that she talks about many kids, and not in a bad way, so I don’t get it…” 

“The parents don’t know her,” he said, trying to come up with a reason why, “maybe they think she’s snotty?” 

“But she’s not. How can your kid don’t tell you when they show you an invite? And is it possible that nobody was born in these months? She received no invitation.” 

Jaehyun sighed. “Do you want to make her drop out and take private lessons?” 

“I don’t… I don’t know,” she replied, feeling on the verge of tears. She hated her messed up hormones, and also being such a sentimental mother. Probably that was why her mother didn’t want to spend much time with her as a kid, the sadness you can feel for your kids is incomparable to anything. Not caring about them is so much easier. 

“Why don’t we talk to her?” He proposed. Sure, they were the responsible ones, but often parents can get too invested emotionally and see problems where they aren’t, and Eunbi was mature enough to talk comfortably with them if something went wrong so that was a conversation they could have. 

And right at that moment, they heard a knock on the door. “Come in,” Jaehyun said, stopping his fingers but keeping the strands of hair in hand, both of them turning toward the door. 

“She doesn’t want to nap,” Taeyong said, leaning against the door with Eunbi’s hand in his. She was pouting and holding in her hand the blanket he had made for her when she was born, still her comfort possession. 

“I’m a big girl, now. I’m four. Can you tell him, mom?” 

Scarlett chuckled, “You know he just wants you to relax, didn’t you have gym today at kindergarten?” 

“We had a dance class,” she lightened up. “Can I go to them? I already told you what we did. Dodo was looking for you.” 

Taeyong chuckled, rolling his eyes, “Yes, I’ll let your recharge your parent’s love battery and go to Dodo.” 

“Thank you,” Eunbi said, signaling him to kneel so she could kiss him on the cheek, “I love you when you don’t force me to sleep.” 

“Thank you, Tae,” Scarlett waved at him. “Take the rest of the day off.” 

“Yeah, the little princess already ordered that. She is my boss,” he winked before closing the door behind him, leaving the family alone. 

“What are you doing?” Eunbi asked, reaching her parents, curiously looking at them. “What are those?” She asked, pointing at the small buns to keep her mother’s pre—parted hair in place. 

“Daddy’s braiding my hair, so I’ll have less trouble when the baby will come,” she explained. 

“I want them too,” she whined, running to the corner of the room to grab a chair and push it next to her mother’s seat in front of the vanity table. “Space, please.” 

Jaehyun laughed. “Wait, let me help Mama stand up so we can pull her chair back.” 

“Thank you,” she greeted when they moved back, and she could position her chair in front of her mother. “Can you do it to me?” 

“Right now?” Scarlett asked, tilting her head, obtaining a nudge from Jaehyun that pushed her head back in place. 

“Yes, please,” she pouted, undoing her ponytail, and shaking her head around to let her curls come down. 

“Careful, you’ll hit your head,” Jaehyun warned, moving his fingers faster to finish the last braid on her nape so Scarlett could raise her face and do them on her too. 

“I won’t part them like mine, we’ll do something easier,” Scarlett said, and Eunbi hummed, smiling happily. “Do you want beads on your ends?” 

“Yes, can you put them on?” 

“I don’t have the energy to crochet them, but we can use these pretty elastic bands,” she showed her the colourful beads, “do you like them?” 

“I love them. Will you put them too?” 

“Nope, they’re for you only,” she said before she signaled her to turn around and started prepping her hair. 

“What happened today at school?” Jaehyun asked, hands still moving on Scarlett’s hair, gaze moving back and forth from the mirror to look at Eunbi’s and the strands in his hands to don’t mess it up. 

“We danced all morning,” Eunbi replied cheerfully. “A dance teacher showed us the steps and we had to copy her,” she explained, moving her arms to imitate what she had done that morning, making Scarlett hiss a ‘stay still’ as she tried to part her hair the best she could but soon giving up making square parting and just trying her best to don’t make them look a mess. Instead, Scarlett lifted her gaze to Jaehyun, hinting at what they said before and Jaehyun nodded. 

“Did you dance with your friends?” He asked, making eye contact with their daughter in the mirror.

And when Eunbi’s face dropped, they both stopped what they were doing. “Bibi? What happened?” 

“I don’t think some of them likes me,” she confessed, fingers playing with a small mirror on the desk and avoiding her parents’ gaze on the big one in front of her. “Yongie says it’s nothing, that they simply knew each other before but…” 

Scarlett wanted to say something, but Jaehyun shushed her, Eunbi wasn’t done yet, and he wanted to know what she felt before starting to conspire with their ideas. 

“I think they don’t like me, they didn’t invite me to their party,” she said, still a small sad frown on her face, “but Fei invited me, Amelia and Ben, to her place. Can Ben come too?” 

“She invited you?” Jaehyun asked, smiling at her, showing her that was a good thing. He always thought it was better to have a few real friends than a fake army of people that truly didn’t care for you, but sure, that mindset came with time and experience, for a little kid not being friendly with everybody was a big deal. 

“Yeah, it’s not a party like mine, but she really likes me. She defends me from the other kids,” Eunbi said, smiling. 

“Defend you? Do they tell you something?” Scarlett asked worriedly. 

“They just ignore me. And if I try to play with them, they say it’s not my place.” 

Scarlett sighed, looking up at Jaehyun, and then groaning in pain, making them worry. “Are you okay?” Jaehyun asked, immediately leaning forward. 

“I’m fine, she just kicked unexpectedly,” she said, but in reality, she had felt a cramp in her lower abdomen but they didn’t need to know. As much as she appreciated how much they took care of her, sometimes it was too much and just added more pressure and anxiety. Her body was probably just getting ready, or whatever. “Can we focus on her, instead? Why do they do it?” 

“Because I’m different,” she said, so casually that their heart broke. 

“You’re not different,” Jaehyun said. 

“Yeah, I am. But I want them to be my friends, or at least to talk to me.” 

“Maybe you should start taking private lessons here,” Scarlett proposed, making Jaehyun furrow. 

“No, I won’t see my friends anymore,” Eunbi complained, turning around, making Scarlett huff when a strand of hair slipped out of her hold. 

“But the others treat you badly.” 

“They don’t talk to me a lot,” she said, turning back around. “But I have my friends, Fei and Amelia,” she explained. “And with Fei’s help, some other kids are getting close to me, mom. Feifei and Lia say it’s just about time, I’m a nice girl, they say there’s no way other kids can hate me,” she reassured her. Eunbi felt a bit disappointed every time she tried to start a conversation, show a drawing, or tell a story and they would push her away, but she also had two amazing friends, and they were enough to make her enjoy her stay at the kindergarten. She also really liked her teachers. Sure, they weren’t Taeyong or Maria, her favourite maid, or her uncles and aunt, but they were nice and taught her many things. And she truly liked to learn. 

And Jaehyun caressed Scarlett’s shoulder to tell her to relax. 

“And as Yongie said not everybody can like us, so it’s fine. If they’ll want to play with me, I’ll be there. If they don’t want to, I’ll have my other real friends by my side.” 

Scarlett let out a sigh of relief. “I’m so glad you’re much more mature than me right now,” she said, caressing her puffy cheek. “Mama’s just paranoid, I have to take care of you getting big and her, and I wish the world will never hurt you. I guessed public school was the best option for you and your curious mind, I grew up all alone here and I couldn’t do that to you and I’m sorry people see you differently but –” 

“Shh, mom, I know,” she stopped her, smiling tenderly, “I’m your little bird, remember?” 

“Yes, you are, but what does it mean, now?” 

“Little birds learn to fly, one day. And I’m flying sooo high,” she giggled, imitating wings with her arms. “I’m not hurt, I was just sad because the others changed partners like… wait… five times,” she explained, counting on her fingers, “but I only did it three times because some didn’t want to dance with me,” she reassured her, “but like uncle Tae said, it was their loss for not dancing with a princess.” 

Scarlett smiled fondly at her and breathed deeply. That was growth. That was all part of growing up. And if she didn’t hurt herself in the outer world, she was still going to get wounded in those walls, so at least, giving her the freedom she needed was the best thing they could do. 

“And Yong’s right,” Jaehyun said. “Wait until they see us dance at our next ball how envious they’ll be,” he joked, making her laugh. 

“You are my favourite person to dance with,” she said in a hush, pretending to be confessing a secret with a hand covering her face. 

“You are my favourite too.” 

“Hey! What about me?” Scarlett whined with a fake pout on her face.  

“Oh, no, she heard us,” Jaehyun joked, and Eunbi threw her head back, hitting the pump by mistake. 

“Sorry, Mommy!” She apologized immediately, turning around, once again making a halfway done braid fly out of her mother’s hand. 

“Don’t be,” she reassured, “but please, stay still and look in front of you, I’ll be done soon.” Soon maybe was too optimistic but she was fast with her fingers and the parting was wide so maybe in fifteen minutes they were done, it was only five short braids in the end. 

“She’s so big. Why is her house so big?” Eunbi asked, fighting the urge to lean back into her mom. She loved feeling the curve of the belly and how soft and yet hard it was. And she also found it funny when she heard the baby kick and move. Once she even saw her small feet peek against the skin. 

They both laughed at her wording but then Jaehyun answered, “because she needs to be strong when she comes out, so she needs much space to grow.” 

Eunbi’s mouth widened in shock. “She won’t be taller than me, right?” 

“No, she won’t,” Scarlett reassured her. “Why are you so afraid of that?” 

“Because I want to be tall as Johnny Oppa,” she said, pouting. 

“Tall as Johnny? Don’t you think that’s a little bit too much?” Jaehyun asked, chuckling. 

“No, he can see so much more than me from there.” 

“Why not as tall as me?” He pretended to be offended.

“He’s taller,” she laughed, sticking her tongue out.  

The hours passed while she told them more about some things they’ve done at school during the week, how excited she was for the end of the year to come so she could bring all the drawings home, and that the teacher told them they’ll have a show so they needed to prepare a choreography. They also talked about Fei’s invitation, Eunbi told them her mom wanted them to stay over even at dinner. And then they discussed the baby names but without coming up with anything, too unsure about picking another name that started with the letter ‘E’ or going for something completely different. 

“I love them, love them, love them,” Eunbi kept chanting, swinging her braids, running around the room since her mom was done with her before Jaehyun was done with her. She was so excited to show them to everybody that she even offered to run downstairs to the cooks and grab some fruit and water for her mother. 

“Bibi,” her mom called, “she’s moving, come feel her,” she said, waiting for Jaehyun to finish the last braid, pointing at her tummy. 

Eunbi giggled, hand flat against her stomach. “She’s dancing just like me,” she exclaimed. “We can have a party once she’s out.” 

“I think that might need some time, but yes,” Jaehyun replied, lips curled in a soft smile as he looked at her happy face. 

“Once she’s out,” Scarlett told her, “we will have the biggest and best ball of our life.” 

When it was time to go to bed Eunbi fell asleep easily, since kindergarten started again, she was more tired and didn’t find the strength to pull up a fight and complain about her bedtime, and also the life there wasn’t so new and exciting as it used to be. It had been more than eight months since they’d been there now, and Eunbi had gotten used to everything. Her new room, her new toys, her new clothes, her maids and everybody who worked there. 

So, they had decided to take some time for themselves before going to bed, too. 

“Are you crying?” Jaehyun asked when he was done boiling the water for the tea, they had decided to go for a hot drink before going to bed and, when he turned around, he saw Scarlett looking like a mess. “Are you hurt?” 

“No,” she said, “I’m fine… physically. They are happy tears, I guess.” 

Jaehyun sighed, he hated being so terrified of everything, but he couldn’t get when she was hurt or it was just the emotional aspect of the pregnancy. “For?” 

“She’s such a big girl, have you heard her today? I was there, panicking, being a crazy mother and she had the maturity to see the situation so… so clearly. And I feel like a terrible mother for so many reasons, I wanted to take her out of there while she wants to go, and at the same time I… I don’t know, I feel like everything I do is wrong. And yes, she’s getting bigger, but I’m terrified for when we’ll also have this one, what if I can’t give her love? Not so much at least.”

“Hey,” Jaehyun called, “come here, let’s sit and talk.”

And she did, dragging her heavy body on the small table of the kitchen, the one that was used mostly just to place stuff and only workers used to eat. “If she was able to analyse that situation like this, it’s because we taught her that. Remember how we always tried to don’t react before her to let her deal with her emotions without our lens? That’s why she can see things so clearly, we were the ones teaching her to accept feelings and deal with them this way.” 

Scarlett hummed, reaching for his hand to hold it. 

“How much we encouraged her into anything she liked. Do you know how confident it made her? Her confidence doesn’t shake when somebody attacks her on something she knows she’s good at. And sure, you’re right, the world it’s cruel and it has all the time to break her apart, but she’s off to a pretty strong start, don’t you think so? And no matter how hard we try, we’ll never be perfect parents. You told me that, remember? The only thing we can do is love her and teach her what we think it’s right, but we will make mistakes and that’s fine as long as we’ll accept to grow and learn too.” 

Scarlett sniffled, lowering her head, hearing his words, and agreeing even, but not really in the mood to let them affect her. 

“And Scar,” he said, caressing her cheek to lift her head up, “you risked your life for her, you walked miles to keep her safe, you would’ve died to protect her, how can you don’t love her? How can she don’t feel your love? She loves you deeply, she sees you so high, you have no idea about how many times she runs to me and tells me you’re the prettiest lady in the whole world and how lucky we are to have you. You don’t know how many times she tells me that she wants to be like you when she grows up. She’s so proud of you for taking care of your Queendom while you’re being the house of her little sister,” he said, a hint of joke on the last phrase, making Scarlett chuckle too. “She has no idea what this truly means but she cares for you so much.” 

“I’m just a little afraid,” she confessed. She had never told him because it felt so dumb, and incoherent and she couldn’t truly put a name to what she was feeling. “I feel like there’s something wrong with me. I… I want her deeply but at the same time I… I feel like I…” the words died in her mouth, feeling too guilty to let them out. 

“You feel like you don’t,” Jaehyun finished for her, and she nodded before breaking down in a loud cry. “No, baby, come here,” he opened his arms and pulled her in. “Sit sideways so you can fit.” 

“How are you not mad at me?” She asked, surprised he was lulling her and caressing her back instead of screaming at her for thinking such things about their child. 

“How can I be mad at you? It’s depression, isn’t it?” 

“I don’t know,” she cried out. She had heard something about that but always avoided the topic, thinking she had no reason to don’t want the baby, especially now. But apparently, antepartum depression hits like a wave at any time and any person, no matter how deeply wanted the kid was. “But I hate this, because I swear I love her but, ugh,” she groaned, sniffling, “I’m so scared this time and I don’t – I don’t understand why since I have you here and I’m so full of love but I look at myself in the mirror some times and I wish it wasn’t there and then I feel even more guilty and I panic so much when she doesn’t move because I’m afraid my thoughts hurt her and I don’t want to lose her.” 

Jaehyun couldn’t get it. He could never get what was going on in her body and brain and how all those changes affected her. She had confessed she felt more afraid because the baby was bigger, but he was sure that wasn’t the reason for all of these. But he wasn’t even a doctor, so all his ‘maybes’ weren’t going to lead anywhere. 

“I don’t know why it’s happening, I wish I could tell you but I’m not a doctor,” he said, caressing her back in circles. “I guess you lost a little bit of control over your thoughts, you are stressed, overly stressed. And I can help you only a little if you don’t decide to give up a little bit of control. You are not alone, I will never leave your side. If we raised a kid in those conditions we were in four years ago, what makes you think we’ll do wrong now?” 

“I don’t know, I didn’t think that until two weeks ago, I guess. I was doing fine, I felt so good with myself and then… it all fell apart.” Probably it was the weight of all the responsibilities she had. When she had Eunbi she was a simple tailor and her boss was one of her dearest friends, but now she was a Queen and she didn’t want to dip out of her duties just like her father did. But it was the second, she should’ve been more prepared, right? And yet, she felt like she was starting from zero. And then all those thoughts she didn’t even feel like she was thinking were piling up on each other and they were making her go crazy. 

“Then why don’t we do a thing, we go talk to the doctor and see what’s wrong, I’m sure they can help,” he said. “And in the meanwhile, you know what we can do?” She shook her head. “Start to love ourselves again.” 

“You want to fuck?” She asked, stunned. 

“No, baby,” he said, shaking his head. “But I want you to remind yourself that you are an amazing woman before being an amazing mother, wife, and queen.” 

“You say it just because…” 

“I say it because it’s true,” Jaehyun stopped her, leaving a peck on her lips, caressing her wet cheek. “But I’ll take it that tonight’s like this, your brain’s not in the mood to listen.” 

“Are you mad at me?” She asked with a small pout on her lips. 

“No, I’d never be mad at you. This is not your fault, it’s something that can happen during pregnancy and it’s something we will solve together. I can’t take your pain and make it mine, but I can walk by your side, and I’ll always will.” 

“And what do I do when those thoughts get too much?” 

“You come to me and I’ll shower you with praise.” 

“Can you do it now, I think I need it.”

And Jaehyun did that, trying to distract her with all the amazing things they managed to do during those past years, trying to remind her how strong she was alone and how strong they were together. He tried to make her think about all the beautiful adventures the future held for them, how they could’ve kept it easy even if they were in this new big experience now and how she didn’t have to stress herself over the smallest things. 

And it worked, just for that night, listening to him talk always put her in a good mood, and it seemed that baby loved to hear her father talk just as much. And with his hand on her belly, the big bump and the way she was moving didn’t terrify her that much anymore. And sleeping in his arms, dozing off as he whispered gentle words and praises in her ear, made her feel a little bit better.  

When they talked to the doctor, and with Kun, since Scarlett wanted him to be there and wanted his advice too, they came up that taking antidepressants at this point was more dangerous than useful and to try other methods since the case didn’t seem severe. And digging a bit further, it had come out that her thoughts were mostly related to her father and the anxiety of not being enough for him. 

So she was trying to change her point of view for real and see her life through the lens of what she loved and loved her. And it was working, slowly, with some falls and fears, but it was getting better. At least she didn’t hate her body anymore with Jaehyun that kept repeating even more how much she was glowing and how beautiful she was even if for her she looked like a big balloon floating around. And Eunbi’s extreme excitement for the new soon-to-be arrived made her have fewer fears about them and the love they had to share. She had also decided to stop dealing with affairs regarding the country and leaving things into Jaehyun and Donghyuck’s hands – not without the fear of them jumping to each other’s throat but for now, it was going quite well, much to her surprise. 

So walking around the garden enjoying the few warmer hours during the day helped her free her mind and come in contact with nature, discovering a new peace of mind. Playing the piano while her maids sang with her brought her back to times she had missed. And reading books to Eunbi helped her escape with her imagination. 

It was going back on track, little by little, the finish line didn’t seem so far and not even so scary. 

And once again the finish line came a little bit unexpectedly. 

They were all enjoying the first warm sun rays of March out in their garden when Scarlett felt a weird cramp on her lower abdomen. 

“Are you fine?” Jaehyun asked her, turning his head slightly around to look at her better, a hand under her belly, frowned expression and the other hand leaning against the closest white table that was set in the little covered area from where they were watching Eunbi, Johnny, Yuta and Mark play soccer. 

“Uhm, uhm,” she moaned, squeezing her eyes shut and starting to breathe normally again. “I’m fine. You know, just her usual jokes,” she chuckled before letting out another moan. She was feeling these irregular contractions, but they have been happening more frequently in the past few days, so she wasn’t paying much attention. “Uh, uh, baby’s happy today.” 

At that, three heads were turned to her, Jaehyun’s, Taeyong’s and Doyoung’s. 

“Babe, not to get in between this again but you do not bend in two when she kicks,” Taeyong commented, staring at her with a furrow on his face. 

“It’s just my body playing games with m – ah,” she screamed. “Oh, shit,” she cursed, pursing her lips together, “I should know what’s going on, but I don’t really know. I do, shit, think that, haha,” she panicked, looking around, “probably my body is very much not playing games to me, fuck,” she mumbled, throwing her head back when she felt a stronger contraction. 

“Are you giving birth right here?” Jaehyun asked, panicking, not knowing what to do, looking back at the others that weren’t even paying attention. 

“Not here,” she screamed, “not in a freaking garden. This time I’m lying on a bed at least. Where’s Kun? I’m not pushing her out if I don’t have him here.” 

“Did your water break?” Taeyong asked. 

“No, but, fuck, why does it hurt so much?” She asked, lifting her gaze, feeling tears stream down her face. “Am I losing her?” 

“No, God, no,” Jaehyun said, kneeling next to her, and caressing her hand. “Fine, we are walking inside until you can, alright?” She nodded, biting her lips. “And you will call Kun, ‘right?” 

“Yes,” Taeyong answered. “It will be fine,” he said, smiling at Scarlett. 

“No, actually I might need you here with us,” Jaehyun said. 

“Why would you bring me with you?” 

“You were there the first time, come on,” he whined, helping her stand up from the chair. 

“But you are here now.” 

“I need you, too. C an you please, come?” Scarlett pleaded, now breathing better again, the contraction coming to a stop. “Please, you were really nerve soothing the first time, please.” 

“Fine. I don’t know if I’ll be there for the next one, though.” 

“No next one, not for – fuck – fuck, Jae, it hurts.” 

“Where is Mama going?” Scarlett stopped when she heard Eunbi’s voice and saw her ran toward her. 

“Hi, love, Mama’s in a little bit of, uhmm,” she pressed her lips together to don’t curse in front of her. 

“Mama’s in pain,” Taeyong replied. “The baby’s coming and it’s a difficult thing to go through.” 

“I want to help.” 

“You can’t help her,” he replied, signaling Jaehyun to carry her inside. “I’ll deal with her, go.” 

“I love you,” Scarlett screamed to Eunbi before she tried to walk inside again. “I don’t want to go up the stairs,” she cried. 

“You can do it,” Jaehyun encouraged. 

“No, I cannot,” she cried, clenching around him. “I want Taeyong.” 

“Worry about the stairs first. I’m sure Tae will come to be by your side.” 

“It’s not like I don’t, I don’t want you – shit – my water – fuck,” she whined. “I’ll give birth here.” 

“On the stairs?” He exclaimed. “Babe, come on, let me carry you.” 

“You can’t, the belly’s too big,” she stopped, gasping when a contraction hit. 

“Oh, shit, they’re starting for real, aren’t they?” He asked, worried and she could only nod. “I’m carrying you upstairs, let’s go.” 

The walk to the setup room felt like a lucid dream but in pretty decent time she was laying on the bed with Jaehyun and Taeyong by her sides. 

“I’m scared,” she said. “I’m so terrified.” 

“It will go well. You did so well the first time,” Jaehyun said, trying to calm her down. 

“No, I, can you breathe with me? I can’t keep the tempo. I, I can’t do this, I’ll fail, they’ll have to cut me, I’ll—”  

“Alright, now, will you stop being so negative?” Taeyong snapped. “You know what you too need? A little time alone.” 

“No, don’t leave,” but it was already too late because he was already out of the door. 

“I love that I have you – have you here,” she said, breathing hard as she tried to fight nausea, smashing her face against his broad chest, “but he’s more like a – fuck – superstitious thing. I… I’m afraid because this isn’t home, and this isn’t, this is different and I hate changes and I felt like I was more prepared the first time and I’m sorry because I love you, you do know right, I love you and I fucking hate those – shit – those, ugh, contractions,” she screamed the last words when she felt they were getting more intense and more frequent.  

Jaehyun smiled, caressing her back, and pushing her closer, “I know, you don’t need to explain, babe. We’ll make Taeyong come back in a second, but listen to me,” he said, waiting for her to raise her head, “you’ve got this. This is home, even if it’s bigger, this is our place. This is different because it’s better, you have me, and all your friends, and your daughter, and your mother. Isn’t it great?” 

“Uhm,” she hummed. “It’s great, it’s, fuck,” she cursed, “but it’s not enough, it’s, I can feel her, I need to push.” 

“Kun’s not here yet,” Jaehyun said panicking. “Isn’t it too soon?” 

“It doesn’t have to be an even more excruciating pain, you know, love?” 

“I don’t know how it works, I wasn’t there,” he defended, hoping that somebody else was going to come into the room and take the matter in their hands because he hated seeing her like this, hearing her cry and scream, breathing hard, skin pearled in sweat.  

“Okay, I’ll breathe. In and out. And give me your hand. Your hand and call Kun, call somebody, call my mom, she knows. No, I should know, I did it a few years ago, she did it ages ago.” 

“I’ll go see where —”

“Don’t you fucking dare leave me alone,” she warned, scarily threatening. 

“He should be here any moment,” Taeyong explained, entering the room before Jaehyun could answer her. “How are you?” 

She glared at him, letting out another loud scream as she felt everything happen ten times faster than Eunbi, and if it was supposed to be a relieving thing, at that moment, it only looked scarier to her. 

“Aaalright, wrong phrasing but like how do you feel? Is any of you keeping track of the contractions?” 

“No, I, uhm, we’re not unless she is.”  

“I’m not, I want to push her out. Out.” 

Jaehyun and Taeyong looked at each other, “Wear the gloves just in case,” Jaehyun said before they moved to the end of the bed. 

“Remember the last time?” Taeyong asked, opening her legs again. “Do the same.” 

“Are you two going to do that?” She asked, head snapping up, chin moving away from against her chest. 

“Well, it’s not like Kun did something, you did all the job yourself,” Jaehyun explained. “We’ll just catch the baby.” 

“Fine, I’ll try, I’ll, ugh,” she cried, sinking her nails in the sheets under her. “I need Johnny.” 

“You don’t need a crowd every time you give birth, honey. You can do it,” Jaehyun said, trying to talk some sense into her. 

“He only brought sheets to clean the mess, you don’t need him,” Taeyong assured her. “And now push.” 

“Push,” she whispered, chest heaving and cheeks wet, as if she wasn't already doing it. “It’s not coming out,” she cried when she kept pushing for what felt like ten minutes to her but, it had only passed three. “I’ll die this time. You’ll dig a hole for me and the baby and I will…” 

“You will stop with these words,” Kun said, barging into the room. “Oh, great, a crowd once again.” 

“It’s just us, we wanted to help,” Jaehyun explained. 

“Fine, help by holding her hand and giving her comfort, I’ll take care of the rest.” 

“Can you drag it out of me?” 

“You just have to relax and push.” 

“It’s so easy for you,” she yelled. “Need you,” she said, looking for Jaehyun’s hand. “Push with me, please?” 

“Yes, I’ll push with you,” he replied, not even getting what she meant with that but glad he could help, at least in her mind. 

And after that, everything went blank, she couldn’t really pinpoint what was going on around her, the only thing she could remember being Jaehyun’s hand holding hers, faint chants of Kun’s and Taeyong’s voices, her unbearable pushes, and then finally a loud scream followed by cries. 

Their second baby was there. 

And when Kun gently placed the baby in her arms, and she immediately reached for her, she once again felt like everything was worth it. 

“She’s beautiful,” Jaehyun whispered, resting his head against Scarlett’s caressing her gently. 

“And we gave birth to another baby,” Taeyong exclaimed, interrupting their sweet moment. “Welcome to the world…” he stopped, realizing he didn’t know the name. 

Making them realize they didn’t pick one. 

“Not again,” Jaehyun huffed, rolling his eyes. 

She chuckled, immediately regretting it when she started feeling the contractions to push out the placenta, but it didn’t really matter, that was just a painless plus. So, she looked up at Jaehyun and then back at the baby in her arms, a smile curling her lips, “I have one, actually.” 

After a few hours passed and both of them were clean and moved to another room, the others finally got to see them. 

Eunbi was the first one to enter the room, her hand wrapped tightly around Johnny’s fingers as she took small, intimidated, and yet excited, steps toward the bed. She was dying to meet her little sister, but she was also afraid of doing something wrong. Everybody kept reminding her how delicate she was. 

“Hi, little bird,” hearing her mother’s voice made her heart calm down a little and seeing that she seemed fine, made her finally let go of the breath that she was holding. She was too young to understand what was going on, but she still sensed everybody’s tension. 

“Hi, Mama,” she whispered, waving her hand, letting go of Johnny’s, turning around one last time to smile at him, and then walking to the bed alone. 

“Why are you so calm?” Scarlett asked curiously, not used to seeing her move around so calmy.  

“Baby. They say she’s delicate,” she replied, playing with her fingers, “But… can I see her, mom? I’ll be good, I promise.” 

Scarlett smiled, feeling on the point of crying again for how considerate she was being. “Sure, you can, come here. Ask Papa to place you next to me.” 

When Jaehyun lifted her and sat her next to her mom, she gasped. The baby was sleeping in her arms, folded in a white blanket and with a small hat on her head. 

“She’s…” she paused, sitting on her knees to see her better, “she’s small,” she whispered, furrowing, causing everybody in the room to laugh under their breaths to don’t wake her up. “She was in your tummy?” 

Scarlett giggled, wrapping the arm that wasn’t holding the new-born up around her eldest daughter. “She very much was in me.” 

“Dad, see! You were right, she’s not taller than me.” 

Jaehyun chuckled, sitting next to her, wrapping an arm around her too. “You always have to trust me.” 

“Can I touch her?” She asked, shily lifting her hand up. 

“Sure,” Jaehyun said, “just be gentle.” 

And the way Eunbi’s hand placed so gently on her little cheek made everyone in the room skip a beat. The baby’s eyes opened, but no cries rolled out of her lips, she simply stared up at her big sister and moved her hand around, placing hers on top of Eunbi’s. And it surely was an involuntary muscle movement, but that didn’t stop Eunbi’s heart – and everybody else’s – from beating faster at the cute gesture. 

Eunbi’s lips parted and she looked up at her mom and dad with almost teary eyes. “She loves me! She touched me.” 

“It’s obvious she does,” Scarlett said, “who was the one singing all those songs and reading all those stories?” 

“She remembers? She remembers me!” She exclaimed, voice rising up just a little, but not too much to scare her little sister. “I love you so much,” she said, leaning in to kiss her cheek. “And you’re the prettiest sister I could ever ask for.” 

Scarlett looked at Jaehyun, smiling tenderly, their hands brushing against each other on Eunbi’s back. 

“Wait, if I am Eunbi, who is she?” 

They giggled, and then Scarlett replied, “So, we were thinking of calling her Aisha. How does that sound?” 

“I love it! It’s so pretty, just like her,” she exclaimed before looking at her sister again. “Aisha,” she repeated. “It suits her.” 

“Glad you love it,” Scarlett said. “We also think it suits her very much.” 

She smiled, nodding happily and then fell back, squeezing into her parents’ hold. “Eunbi and Aisha. I think we sound great together.” 

“You do,” Jaehyun agreed, caressing her cheek. “I’m sure she’ll think that too.” 

“Now that I have a sister can I have a brother?” She asked so nonchalantly that everybody in the room froze for a moment. 

“Oh, hell no, baby. Not now that I just finished pushing her out,” Scarlett replied in utter shock. 

“But don’t you think a baby boy it’s the only thing missing?” She asked, turning around and batting her eyes. 

“When does this suddenly come from?” She asked, confused, considering she had been begging for a sister for months until her eyes moved to Jaehyun that was visibly holding back a laugh. “It was you!” 

“No,” he stated, lifting his hands in defence. “It comes from her but, who am I to say no?” 

“Not now,” Eunbi said, reassuring her mom, caressing her face. 

“Oh, great, thanks for the pass, honey,” she joked, shaking her head. 

“We need to take care of you and Aisha first, and Mama needs time to recover,” Jaehyun explained, turning serious again. 

“I know,” Eunbi smiled, turning back around, placing a hand on the baby. “I need Johnny to give me a cousin first.” 

Everybody laughed again, well, except for Johnny and Juliet that went pale and stared at her in disbelief. 

“Yeah, sorry to disappoint but for now the only thing we can give to you it’s your shaking horse turned into a unicorn,” Johnny said, pulling his girlfriend close to him. 

Eunbi smiled, “That’s fine, I love that too. I think I want to keep as the cool uncle and aunt for a little more.”

The first three months after pregnancy flew by. Having a small kid wasn’t easy, but Aisha was overall pretty good, just like her sister. She slept at night, didn’t have problems eating, and no health problems happened. 

And now that it was late June and Eunbi just finished going to kindergarten, they spent their days at their place in the countryside, enjoying the quiet of nature. Jaehyun was mostly taking over their duties since Scarlett was focusing on the kids and herself, but he still did his best to spend time with the family, especially during weekends. 

“You know,” Scarlett said, fixing the white hat on Aisha’s head while she was jiggling a toy in her hand, “my family never used this house,” she confessed, smiling bitterly. She fixed the white dress around her legs and looked up at Jaehyun that was keeping an eye on Eunbi that was playing in the small circular pool in front of them. 

“If I say I’m not surprised, do you get offended?” He replied, chuckling, turning around to smile at her. 

She shook her head, moving a little to let the baby sit better against her. Being almost four months old she managed to keep her head up, but still needed support to sit completely. “I know, but I was just thinking about all the things I missed.” 

“Your father surely wasn’t great at managing a kingdom and a family,” he replied, passing the small toy to Aisha again after she dropped it too far from her while shaking it. “But look at us, we’re doing a great job.” 

“We are. Are we superheroes or was he just so damn selfish?” She asked. “It’s not even about this place, but… all those small moments, you know. How can we find time to stay with them, play with them or read something, but he could never do it with me? I was just one.” 

“Because we care,” Jaehyun replied, caressing her hand with his thumb. “And are you finally over the idea of not being able to love them enough?” 

“I am,” she reassured him. “It was just a stupid fear. It could’ve been too much to take.”

“But it’s not. There are two of us. And as heavy as ruling a reign is, we are doing it well. We have Donghyuck’s help, your mother’s too. And we are taking time with them, everything’s going well.” 

“Yeah, I think I need to stop trying to find answers to justify him, he simply was evil and full of himself.” 

“I’m not one to judge usually but, I agree. Put him in the past, you have good things now. The memories you didn’t create with your past family, you will create them with us.” 

She smiled, snuggling closer to him and wrapping a hand around Aisha to pull her close to her, “Yeah, I love this.” 

“Mama! Dada!” Eunbi screamed, a towel badly wrapped around her body as she ran toward them to sit on the blanket on the grass, under the shadow of the tree. “Got baby a pretty flower!” 

“Oh, be careful she won’t eat it,” Jaehyun said, smiling while Eunbi leaned closer to her sister to hand her the big daisy she had found. Her small hands dropped the toy and grabbed the stem, making her giggle at the contact with the surface. 

“She likes it,” Eunbi clapped, sitting better in front of her, discharging the towel to the side carelessly. 

“Achoo!” Aisha sneezed when she brought the flower close to her nose and then stared at it with a confused expression but instead of crying, she started chuckling, making everybody laugh too. 

“She’s so weird,” Eunbi said through laughs. “Was I like this too?” 

“Yeah, you used to laugh at the word cheese,” Jaehyun told her, causing her to start laughing again. 

“Oh, and you didn’t stop,” Scarlett joked. 

“No, but it’s funny, why?”

Her dad shrugged, “just weird things little kids do, right?” 

“She wants to play,” she said when the baby started doing grabby hands to the toy that fell close to her. “Here, little one,” she cooed, passing her the toy into the hand that wasn’t holding the flower, smiling back at her when she smiled and babbled something. 

“You two have nice conversations,” Jaehyun joked, grabbing the towel and drying Eunbi’s hair more, making her huff and squirm. 

“Can she bath with me?” She asked, pouting.

“Yeah, but let’s see if she wants to,” Scarlett replied, “and be careful to don’t splash her, she might get scared.” 

“Yeah,” she exclaimed, getting up and rushing to the pool. “I’ll wait for you.” 

“We should get a bigger one and enjoy a bath, too,” Jaehyun proposed, helping Scarlett remove the leotard from the baby’s body and passing her the sunscreen cream. 

“We totally should,” she agreed. Luckily the day wasn’t extremely hot, but a fresh bath was always a good idea. “For now, we’ll get our hands wet and this will do,” she chuckled, getting up, carrying the baby and then they started walking toward Eunbi that was already waiting inside the water. 

The first meeting with water that didn’t imply getting cleaned was very nice, but the thing that interested Aisha the most were all the colourful toys and especially the way Eunbi’s orange duck splashed out water from her mouth. 

The afternoon passed pretty much the same until they got back inside to clean up and get ready for dinner, deciding to eat outside under the porch. 

“I’m so happy that we can be all together like we used to do,” Eunbi confessed mid—dinner, reaching out her hand to grab her sister’s hand that was laying in the stroller seat next to her. 

“Were you scared when we moved?” Scarlett asked, tilting her head to the side. 

Eunbi pressed her lips together, the same expression of Jaehyun’s face on hers. “I little bit,” she admitted. “I didn’t really understand what was going on. It was nice, new, but scary.” 

Her parents smiled, grabbing her free hand, and caressing it. 

“Whatever happens,” Jaehyun started saying, “just know that we will never leave your and your sister’s side.” 

“We are not going anywhere, little bird,” Scarlett reassured. “No matter how hard life will get, and how many things may change, we will always be able to count on each other.” 

Eunbi smiled widely at her parents’ words. She knew that. She had seen proofs of their love for each other, for her and her sister every single day of her life. She never doubted that what held them all together was stronger than anything. 

And as her little hand squeezed tighter around their hands and Aisha’s one, she felt like she never wanted to be anywhere else in the world. 

And even if she didn’t say it out loud, both Scarlett and Jaehyun, knew what she was thinking. They knew that after all the hardship, and the pain, and the fear, they managed to build up their own castle, with their own King and Queen and Princesses, that went beyond the fact they went back to where their story started. 

They succeeded in writing their own story. Their cursed fairy tale wasn’t written on a scarlet letter anymore, but the ink of what bonded them together was marked in the pages of a beautifully hardbound book. And their story, magical, beautiful, and tragic but with a happy ending, was going to be passed down forever. 

In the end, committing their gentle sin was worth it all. 

If you arrived here, thank you! ❤️ I hope you enjoyed it. Consider supporting me with comments, reblogs, asks and if you want, you can also donate here! 

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[sweetiesicheng]

jaehyun - day off

word count : 684

-

"no, yea, sounds good. yea, see you later. you too, bye.”

you woke up for the second time that morning when you heard your boyfriend talking. the conversation was already over when you realized it, and jaehyun hung up, putting his phone on the nightstand with a light thump.

"well?" you rolled over and hugged him, noticing that his tank top moved around in his body and was not correctly oriented.

"i have the day off,” he announced. you squeezed him tightly in response, "stop hugging me,” he demanded.

"i'm cold."

"baby, let me go shower. i'll be back in like ten minutes," jaehyun said while trying to get out of bed. "we're going to have to leave eventually for those dinner reservations tonight," he said and kissed your lips. "you know, you'd probably be less cold if you would wear a sweater instead of the tank top.”

"it's uncomfortable," you said and buried your head in his neck. "can we just stay in bed all day?" you asked.

"did you not just hear me about the dinner reservations?" jaehyun asked before sighing. "come here," he said and pulled you up to lay on his chest. "good morning." you started laughing. "what's so funny?" he asked.

"you're just now saying that to me? we've been awake for awhile now," you answered.

"so what? i'm not allowed to say it again? it's still morning, and technically you fell asleep, so i can say it again to you," jaehyun replied and kissed your forehead. "okay, shower time," he said and pushed you back onto your side of the bed.

"hey! i'm cold!" you whined as you tried to grab him, but jaehyun was too quick and got out of bed. "you suck.”

"let's make something to eat," jaehyun suggested as he walked into the bathroom. you heard the shower being turned on a few seconds after.

you curled up into a ball and almost fell back asleep while jaehyun took his shower. after a few minutes, you sat up and huffed out a sigh. jaehyun came out of the bathroom with a towel wrapped around his waist.

"you look cute," jaehyun said as he walked into the closet and grabbed clothes to change into.

"i am very cute," you said. "can you throw me a hoodie?" you asked him.

"mine or yours?" he asked.

"yours, of course," you replied. jaehyun grabbed a hoodie from a shelf and threw it at you. the hoodie landed on the edge of the bed and you reached over for it. you put the hoodie in and finally got out of bed.

you yawned and stood in the middle of the bedroom while jaehyun had changed into a t-shirt and grey sweats. he walked over to you and put your hands in his face while kissing your forehead.

"i think you could use some coffee," jaehyun chuckled. "i'll go cook us breakfast. you can go be your cute, sleepy self and put on a record or two on," he said and kissed your forehead again.

you just nodded and waddled out of the room while jaehyun followed you out. you went into the living room and sat in front of the record player that was on a small table. you went through a plastic box that held your shared vinyls and pulled out one of the records. you put the record on and turned the player on. music started playing while you heard sizzling from the kitchen.

after some time, jaehyun came out of the kitchen with some plates. "nice music choice," he commenter and walked back into the kitchen. he came out with a mug and you immediately took it into your hands.

"thank you, babe," you said and took a sip of coffee.

"that was actually my coffee," jaehyun said and walked back into the kitchen. he came back with another mug and another plate. you sat with him in the couch and took another sip.

"love you," you said to him.

"love you too, baby," he replied before leaning down to kiss the top of your head.

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[kjmsupremacist]

something sweet, a peach tree (mark/jaehyun)

​​Mark begins the summer after his junior year with an unpaid internship and no other plans. But when he agrees to go pick his baby niece up from her music lessons, her teacher, Jeong Jaehyun, catches his eye. Too bad he’s off limits, and not just because Mark’s niece is involved. Jaehyun is 41 to Mark’s 20.

To sate his curiosity about older men, Mark decides to look into becoming a sugar baby. He could use the money, after all. And he seems to find a willing patron right away. But for the first time in Mark’s like, he finds he might be in over his head.

Chapter 3   | prev   next   mlist

Characters: Mark, Jaehyun, other members of nct throughout

Genre: romance, angst, smut, age gap, sugar daddy!au

Pairing: Mark/Jaehyun

Warnings: AGE GAP (older jaehyun, younger mark), alcohol mentions, poor decision making perhaps

Rating: Explicit

Length: 8.2k

Mark wakes in an unfamiliar bed with a beautiful man beside him. He panics for two seconds, and then remembers yesterday and sinks back down into the mattress, waiting for his heartbeat to slow. Right. Sugar daddy date. Jaehyun. 

They ended up ordering pizza and watching Netflix while they ate last night and then turned in before the sky had even gone completely dark. But they’d both been exhausted, and now Mark is glad. He feels well-rested for the first time in… well. A really long time, he thinks.

He rolls his head to the side, looking at Jaehyun. He’s on his back, one arm flung out to the side, hand dangling off the edge of the bed, the other arm wrapped loosely around his own torso. Even in a worn cotton t-shirt, mouth slightly ajar and snoring softly, he’s still the prettiest person Mark has ever seen.

Anxiety rears in Mark’s stomach, and he goes patting around for his phone. He finds it on the nightstand, and he unplugs it and checks his notifications. Nothing, just like there should be. Who’s gonna find out, anyway? And why would it matter? It’s not like anyone at work has any idea about (or any interest in) Mark’s personal life. And his family doesn’t track his location. And Johnny can’t say anything to Mark now that he’s scored, so what’s to worry about?

It’s fine, he tells himself firmly, putting his phone down and rolling onto his side. I’m an adult, anyway. I can fuck who I want.

He doesn’t quite know how long he spends gazing at Jaehyun, thinking about the night before. He hopes Jaehyun’s up for round two (or three, or four) today, hopes he won’t have to face his real life until later in the afternoon. He likes the little bubble they’re in, just him and Jaehyun and Jaehyun’s dogs and his pretty house and everything that Mark wants to try.

The sun finds a crack in the curtains and a beam of light dances across the bed sheets. Jaehyun draws in a deep breath and Mark snaps his eyes shut so he’s not caught staring.

There’s some rustling and a dip in the mattress, and then Mark feels Jaehyun’s hand on his cheek.

“I know you’re awake,” he says softly. 

“How?” Mark mumbles, firmly refusing to open his eyes.

“Your eyes keep trying to open,” Jaehyun replies.

Mark relents, blinking his eyes back open and giving Jaehyun a sheepish grin. “I’ve been awake for a little while.” God, he’s pretty, he thinks to himself. He stretches his arms up, sighing, using it as an excuse to drape them over Jaehyun’s shoulders on the way back down. “G’morning.”

“Morning,” Jaehyun replies quietly. “Doing okay?”

Mark resists the urge to roll his eyes. “If I was gonna freak out, it would’ve happened last night,” he says. “Yeah, I’m good. I don’t regret it.” He leans closer. “Don’t regret it at all.” Jaehyun’s leaning in, too; their noses bump but neither of them move to kiss. “Do you?”

Jaehyun gives a slight shake of his head. “As long as you don’t, no,” he says. 

“Yeah?” Mark whispers. “Good.” He finally presses his lips to Jaehyun’s, soft and chaste at first, then more insistent when Jaehyun kisses him back.

“Mm, Mark,” Jaehyun hums between kisses. 

Mark pulls himself closer, keeping his movements lax and slow. He wants to climb on top of Jaehyun and pin him down and kiss him until they’re breathless and messy with spit, but he’s too tired to actually do it. It does register as a little funny that the desire is still there, though—Mark kind of thought maybe he’d be a little less insane about Jaehyun once he’d fucked him, but he’s not finding that to be true. Actually, it’s the exact opposite. He pushes his tongue past Jaehyun’s teeth, moaning mostly for show, sneaking his left arm around his waist instead, splaying his fingers over his spine. He can feel the heat of Jaehyun’s body now where it’s touching his, his soft thighs against Mark’s, his—

“Hyung,” Mark laughs softly when they break apart, rolling his hips up to meet Jaehyun’s just so there’s no way he can deny it. “You’re hard.”

“So’re you,” Jaehyun accuses, which is completely fair. “Guess we should do something about that.”

“Guess we should.” Mark kisses him again, working to disentangle their limbs somewhat. He kisses Jaehyun’s chin, his neck, his collarbone as he scoots himself down. “Lemme suck you off?” he asks, though he’s pretty sure he knows Jaehyun will say yes. “You won’t have to do anything.” His fingers are already on the waistband of Jaehyun’s underwear, but Jaehyun is nodding anyway. Mark pushes Jaehyun’s shirt up and kisses his stomach before tugging his underwear down just far enough for his cock to spring free. 

He wasn’t just saying shit yesterday—Mark’s good at sucking cock and he knows it. He dips his head, swirling his tongue around Jaehyun’s tip and smiling to himself when Jaehyun gasps quietly. He anchors himself to Jaehyun with a hand on his hip, dropping his mouth open wider to take him deeper, reaching his other hand down to palm himself over his underwear. The heat quickly grows stifling, with Mark pressed so close to Jaehyun and halfway under the blankets, but he doesn’t care. 

Jaehyun tangles his fingers in Mark’s hair; Mark thinks he’s using both hands. Mark hollows his cheeks, humming in the back of his throat when Jaehyun chokes out a quiet moan. He swipes his tongue slowly, running it side to side over the veins of Jaehyun’s cock. A sort of light static fills his head. He can smell Jaehyun, the earthy dampness of his skin; can taste him, the precome spilling out onto his tongue. Jaehyun, Jaehyun, Jaehyun. Everything else Mark knows is crowded out until only Jaehyun remains. He rolls his hips up into his palm, his heart pounding in his ears as he bobs his head. The obscene wet noises are only somewhat muffled by the duvet crumpled around Jaehyun’s hips.

It feels quiet to Mark’s ears. The house is still, the air sort of soft and sleepy, like the world is only just waking up, slow and lazy. There’s a sort of serenity to it, even if what they’re doing is messy and lewd. Mark breathes in, out, pressing his heel down against his own cock and feels wetness seeping through the fabric. The rush of his breath lulls him; he moans softly around Jaehyun. Who cares if it’s messy and lewd? Who cares about any of it, except that Mark is happy, warm with pleasure, and that Jaehyun is too? 

“Oh, fuck,” Jaehyun breathes, grip on Mark’s hair tightening and making his scalp burn. “Feels so good, baby.” Mark only responds by moving faster, taking Jaehyun a little deeper each time. He relaxes around the intrusion, taking a few deep, steadying breaths through his nose as he goes. His gag reflex rears its head for a few frightening moments, and then he feels the tip of Jaehyun’s cock bump against the back of his throat.

Mark lets his eyes roll back in his head, dutifully hollowing his cheeks once more and holding Jaehyun there. He exhales sharp, short puffs through his nose; Jaehyun’s pubes are tickling him a little, but not enough that he thinks he’s in danger of sneezing. 

“Holy shit, Mark,” Jaehyun mumbles when Mark still doesn’t move. “You sure you’re not gonna pass out?” Mark pauses briefly to give a minuscule shake of his head. “F-fuck, okay,” Jaehyun continues shakily. “I-I’m getting close, I think, can—can you swallow?” Mark nods as enthusiastically as he can, accidentally picking up the pace a little in the process. “Okay, if you need to pull off just tap my thigh or something, okay?”

Mark hums his agreement, but he doubts he’ll need it. He knows what he’s doing. He keeps the same rhythm, timing his breaths as best he can, rocking his hips up into his palm mindlessly, so focused on Jaehyun he’s barely realized how close he is himself. It shouldn’t be surprising, really—Jaehyun’s making sweet noises above him, whining softly every time Mark takes him as far down as he’ll go. Mark knows his throat is going to be sore, but it’s so, so worth it, especially now, as Jaehyun’s moans get louder and louder, as he releases Mark’s hair to scrabble weakly at the sheets. 

“Fuck, oh fuck, Mark, so good, I—“ He cuts himself off with a soft cry, and Mark feels hot, sticky release hit the roof of his mouth. Mark swallows just like he said he would, slowing to a stop and rolling his tongue over Jaehyun’s tip instead to stop his come from shooting straight down his throat. 

It’s the combination of things, of the rough friction of his underwear and the weight of Jaehyun’s cock in his mouth and Jaehyun’s breathless moans and Jaehyun’s come on his tongue and Jaehyun’s scent in his head—Mark can’t help it. He gives a muffled groan, shuddering as he comes in his underwear. It’s fucking gross and kind of embarrassing, but Mark can’t find room for shame inside him when it feels so good.

“Baby,” Jaehyun gasps softly, coaxing his softening cock out of Mark’s mouth. “Did you just come, too?”

Mark rolls onto his back, panting, pushing the blankets down so he can breathe, hand still over his cock so he doesn’t stain Jaehyun’s sheets. “Sorry,” he manages. “I was already so close, and you sounded so good, I couldn’t—stop myself.”

Jaehyun scoots closer, propping himself up on one elbow so Mark can see him. He’s wearing a look of amused disbelief. “You don’t have to apologize to me,” he mutters, shaking his head. He reaches out with his other hand and brushes Mark’s sweaty bangs off his forehead. Mark has to trap an embarrassing whimper in his throat. Jaehyun treats him so gently when he’s least expecting it, and he doesn’t know what to do with it. “That’s really hot, you know?” Jaehyun continues. “You, getting off on giving me head.” The end of this last sentence is tinged bright with suppressed laughter, and Mark smiles up at him. 

“I like the way you sound when I’m touching you,” he replies softly, and Jaehyun groans, rolling away.

“I don’t have another round in me, so don’t try, because it’ll probably kill me,” he complains, and Mark laughs with his whole belly. “I don’t have stamina like you do.”

“Yeah, and then I’d go to jail for elder abuse,” Mark replies placidly, closing his eyes.

“Shut up,” Jaehyun says, but he’s laughing, too. The bed dips and then releases again, and Mark hears shuffling. Jaehyun must’ve stood up.

“You’re the one who was just saying how old and tired you are,” Mark points out. There’s a hand on his wrist; he snaps his eyes open, surprised.

“C’mon, let’s get up.” Jaehyun has already made it around to Mark’s side of the bed. He tugs gently. “Up, and give me your underwear.”

Mark pushes the blankets out of the way, letting Jaehyun haul him into a sitting position. He raises an eyebrow at him. “Thought you said you didn’t have another round in you,” he says, swinging his legs over the side of the mattress and slips down onto the floor.

“Not for that, so we can throw them in the wash and have them dry before you need to leave,” Jaehyun says, that cute pink blush rising to his cheeks, though he’s adamantly holding his hand out for them all the same. 

Mark grins to himself as he steps out of his underwear. “Let me hand-wash them in the shower first,” he says.

They get cleaned up, find Mark some sweatpants to wear in the meantime, and start the laundry like Jaehyun suggested. Jaehyun lets the dogs out briefly while Mark watches from the back stoop, grinning at Princess when she takes off, running in circles as Jaehyun picks up after them. Dogs taken care of, they all come back inside and head into the kitchen to see about breakfast. 

“As I said, I’m not much of a cook,” Jaehyun says as he rummages through his cupboards, “but I do have pancake mix and I don’t think the berries I bought on Friday have molded yet, so we could do that.”

Mark huffs out a breath of laughter. “Works for me,” he says, resisting the urge to wrap his arms around Jaehyun and squeeze his breath out. Mark always knew Jaehyun was hot, but he wasn’t expecting him to be cute, too, unintentionally endearing in the most paralyzing way. “Can I help? I mean, I dunno if you should trust me around a stove, honestly, but I could make us coffee or something.”

Jaehyun chuckles at this as he plops the bag of pancake mix onto the counter. “Sure,” he agrees. “Coffee is in that little pantry there, coffee maker just needs some water. Do you want something else, though?”

“I take a little coffee sometimes,” Mark says. “But if you have juice, I’ll have that too.”

“Orange juice is in the fridge,” Jaehyun says, and Mark nods, busying himself with the coffee machine.

They fall into a comfortable silence. The morning light streams in through the big windows that face out to Jaehyun’s backyard, coloring the whole kitchen a bright, happy yellow. Princess sniffs around their feet, hopeful for crumbs, while The Dread Pirate Roberts munches away at their automatic feeder. The coffee maker burbles softly as Mark pokes around for mugs and creamer; on the other side of the kitchen, Jaehyun scrapes patiently at the pancake mix, folding it into the milk and egg mixture as he waits for the pan to heat. 

And for one second, Mark’s life feels still, full and quiet and warm. Obviously, he and Jaehyun are just fucking. They know that. And it’s not like Mark is in any danger of falling in love with him or anything, but—this is nice. It’s like a glimpse into his own future. Not now, not yet; he’s not ready. But someday, he’ll have this: a familiar body next to his, working beside him, building a life slow but sure, one pancake at a time. Something separate from the gogogo of professional life, something rich and intangible, something for no one else but Mark and the person he’ll love. 

“Do you want sugar in yours?” Mark asks when the light on the coffee maker turns green, pulling himself out of his thoughts. 

“Just a little, and a splash of creamer, please,” Jaehyun replies over his shoulder. 

Mark makes their coffees, filing that information away for future reference. He gives himself a tiny mug, then carries them over to the little breakfast nook in the corner before doubling back to get a glass of orange juice, too. He spots the blueberries as he’s returning the carton and holds them up for Jaehyun to see. 

“These berries?” Jaehyun nods. “I’ll wash them.”

Together, they finish making breakfast and setting the table, then get settled in their seats, passing the syrup and whipped cream back and forth. The dogs come trotting up; Mark giggles when he feels Princess’s cold nose against his ankle. 

“Thank you for the coffee,” Jaehyun says.

Mark shakes his head. “No, thanks for cooking! These look really good.”

Jaehyun smiles into his coffee cup. “So,” he says slowly. “What’s the plan for today, do you think?”

“Oh,” Mark says, surprised it’s up to him. “I dunno. I don’t have anything to do, so, uh, you tell me.”

Jaehyun’s smile grows. “Well, the dogs need walking,” he says. “But other than that, I thought maybe we could just spend the day. Cool off in the pool, maybe. Get to know each other a little better.” Mark raises his eyebrows. “Literally, not like that.” Mark gives him another look. “Okay, maybe both. But seriously.  I know this—” Jaehyun gestures between them. “—is pretty casual, but I don’t want that to mean it’s impersonal.”

“Yeah, I agree,” Mark says earnestly. “I’d like—I’d like to know you, too.” He doesn’t know why it’s embarrassing to say, but he trips over the words. 

But Jaehyun—sweet, unassuming Jaehyun—just keeps smiling. “Good,” he says softly, and takes a bite of his pancakes. 

They finish their breakfast, leaving the dishes in the sink to soak, and then Jaehyun finds the leashes for the dogs. He hands Mark Princess’s. 

“She’s easier than Bobby,” he explains when Mark gives him a curious look. “She has a lot of energy, but she knows how to heel. Bob… kind of has a mind of his own.”

Mark laughs as he shoves his feet into his sneakers. “I suppose I could’ve guessed that.”

It’s not even noon, but the hot air sweeps into Mark’s face in a violent blast the second Jaehyun opens the door. “Definitely using the pool today,” Jaehyun comments, putting his sunglasses on as he steps outside. “Seattle never used to get this warm.”

“So I’ve heard,” Mark replies, following him outside and stepping out of the way so Jaehyun can lock the door behind them. “But weren’t summers really rainy?”

“They still are,” Jaehyun says. He leads them down the front path and out onto the sidewalk. “It’s a fun mix now. Let’s just hope August doesn’t bring too many fires. Is this your first summer here?”

“Uh, yeah,” Mark says. “I just go to school here. The last couple years I was back—up in Canada. Vancouver.”

Jaehyun nods. “That explains the passport.”

Mark had forgotten about that. “Yeah, I’ll probably have to carry it with me even if I do get a license ‘cause apparently a Canadian license is really popular for fakes around here.”

“I’d never heard that, but that makes sense now that you mention it,” Jaehyun comments. “So, Vancouver. I went once when I was younger. It’s really nice up there.”

“Yeah,” Mark agrees. “I actually—so, I was born in Toronto, and then we moved to New York when I was, like, seven, and then over to Vancouver when I was around twelve. I don’t have the clearest memory of Toronto, but I still really do like Vancouver the best.”

“Oh, okay,” Jaehyun says. “So you’ve been all over. Like me.”

“Yeah?” Mark looks up at him, curious. 

“Mm-hm.” Jaehyun nods. “I was born in Korea, then we actually moved to Connecticut when I was in elementary school, which is where I learned my English. We went back to Korea for the rest of my education, including college, but I came back to the States for my masters—New York, actually.” 

Mark tries to do some fast math, but concludes they probably weren’t in New York at the same time. “And then—here?” he asks. 

“Yeah, people are big on the environment out here, so I found some investors and got started on my company after getting my degree,” Jaehyun says. “I was, what, twenty-four? Twenty-five, I think.” 

“Oh wow,” Mark says, wiping some sweat from his hairline. If it weren’t for the intermittent shade of the trees lining the street and the promise of an afternoon soaking in Jaehyun’s pool, he’s pretty sure he’d melt into a puddle right here on the sidewalk. He kind of feels like he’s frying. “So you’ve been here for a while, then.”

“Yep,” Jaehyun confirms. “Almost twenty years.”

“So you like it here,” Mark says. 

Jaehyun laughs. “I guess I do,” he says. “I think when I get older, I might want to go back—to Korea. But yes, I like it here. The seasons are pretty mild—well, they used to be, anyway. And the culture is definitely better than on the East Coast, to me. And I love how green it is.”

Mark nods. “Yeah, it’s beautiful,” he agrees. “Have you been out to, like, the Peninsula and the islands and stuff?”

“I go from time to time,” Jaehyun says. “Have you?”

“Yeah, I went out to, like, Forks and stuff for spring break this last year.” They round another block, and Mark can see Jaehyun’s house come into view again. Relief washes through his body. He knows he’s not the only one; he can hear Princess panting raggedly beside him. “It was so pretty. I loved the rainforest. And the night sky—way less light pollution, you know.”

“Yeah, there’s nothing else like it,” Jaehyun says. He slows as they come up to his front walk, though The Dread Pirate Roberts tugs insistently on his leash. “Well, maybe we can find a time to go this summer if you have a weekend free,” he suggests, glancing briefly over his shoulder while they climb the stairs up his porch. “There are these beautiful cabins I really like up by Lake Quinault.”

Mark tries not to get distracted by the thought of spending a whole weekend alone with Jaehyun in an idyllic lakeside cabin. “I-I’d love that,” he says. “Really.”

“I’ll do some research then,” Jaehyun replies, opening his door and letting them into the blessed cool of the air conditioning. 

“Fuck,” Mark groans, kicking off his shoes and bending to help Princess out of her harness. “It’s scorching out.”

“Well,” Jaehyun says, releasing The Dread Pirate Roberts and letting him scamper down the hall, “it’s about noon now, so we can wait out the worst of the heat inside, and then later when the sun’s not so bad, we can take a swim. I can lend you some swim trunks. I have beer if you want it.”

“That’s illegal,” Mark points out, grinning. “Yeah, that sounds great.”

“And I think I have popsicles, too,” Jaehyun adds, padding off towards the kitchen and gesturing for Mark to follow. “Want one?”

“Yes, please,” Mark says. “What kind?”

“Lime or strawberry.” Jaehyun’s voice is muffled from behind the freezer door. 

“I’ll take lime,” Mark says, and Jaehyun presents him with a faintly green popsicle, a bright red one in his other hand. 

They collapse onto the couch in tired silence, working on their popsicles as they wait to cool down. Mark squints out at the backyard. The sun glitters off the surface of the water, almost dangerous. 

“What do you normally do on the weekend?” Mark blurts. 

Jaehyun takes a moment to respond, caught by surprise. “I guess… I take care of my dogs. I work out. I usually have some business to take care of. I was on a lot of calls yesterday morning, but—” He pulls out his phone to check. “—today’s been pretty quiet.” He shrugs, swirling the popsicle in his mouth. Mark tries not to look at his lips. “I don’t know,” he says, looking up at Mark with a small smile. “I guess I don’t do much.”

“Do you mind me asking—I mean, okay, I am asking but if you don’t wanna talk about it, I’ll just drop it,” Mark says haltingly. “It’s just that, you’re successful and you’re rich and you’re—you’re really handsome, and you seem, I guess, like, normal and nice—” Jaehyun’s giving him a look that says get on with it. Mark hesitates for a second, choking on the question, then rushes on.  “So why aren’t you married? Or dating? Why are—why the sugar baby app instead?”

Jaehyun blinks; his smile turns a little sad. Guilt grips Mark’s heart immediately. “S-sorry,” he mutters, looking down at his lap. “That came out ruder than I meant it. I just—” You’re beautiful. You’re perfect. You could have anyone. What are you doing with a kid like me? 

Jaehyun sighs softly, shaking his head. “No, it’s okay,” he says. “Looking for skeletons in my closet?” 

“I… I guess,” Mark replies. “I just don’t… understand.”

“There’s not much to understand,” Jaehyun says. “It’s a cliche, but it’s true. I’m married to my work. I’m too busy for a real relationship. And—” A wry tint mixes in with the sadness. “I think I’ve gotten a little too used to solitude. I don’t know how to do anything else.”

“Oh.” It’s sadder than Mark was expecting, but—what else could he have been expecting, anyway? “Do you… do you want a real relationship?”

“I don’t know,” Jaehyun says evenly, but Mark gets the feeling he’s lying. He can’t tell which direction he’s lying in, though. “Why do you ask?”

“Oh,” Mark says, his cheeks heating. Maybe it sounds like he’s trying to—get with him, or something. “No, I’m just curious, ‘cause I don’t—I don’t really know what I want, either, I guess. I think I want to get married eventually. But I’m not sure. I can’t imagine it.”

The warmth in Jaehyun’s smile comes back. “What do you imagine?” he asks. 

Mark thinks for a moment, then smiles sheepishly back at him. “I guess I imagine myself kind of like you,” he admits. “A good job. A couple of dogs. A place of my own. Yeah.”

Jaehyun laughs. “Well, it’s not so bad,” he says. “If that’s what you want, then do it. And you’re young still. If you want to change your mind in a few years, you can.”

“That’s true,” Mark says, struggling with the last of his popsicle as it threatens to slip off the stick entirely. 

Jaehyun’s polishing his off, too. “Here,” he says, holding out his hand for Mark’s stick when he finally succeeds in fitting the rest of the popsicle in his mouth. “I want a beer. Can I get you one?”

Mark nods, handing off the popsicle stick. “Yef plea,” he manages, and Jaehyun giggles. 

They nurse their beers over the next hour or so, chatting. The dogs come join them, Princess panting happily at Mark’s side as he gives her head scratches, Bobby taking over Jaehyun’s lap. Jaehyun talks about his company, how it started with pianos and violins and guitars but how he’s interested in expanding to woodwinds and things. Mark tells him about his internship, how he dreams of being a writer but more likely will end up an editor at a publishing company or something. 

“Dunno what I’ll do with my music,” he says. “Got any openings at your company?” He’s only half joking. 

Jaehyun laughs lightly but shakes his head. “Now that would be inappropriate,” he says, and Mark groans good-naturedly.

“C’mon, man,” he complains, grinning. 

“Okay, looks like the temperature is starting to come down,” Jaehyun says, standing up and carefully depositing Bobby on the floor. “Shall we?”

“Oh, yes.” Mark takes the final swig of his beer and stands, too, giving Princess one last pat before following Jaehyun to the stairs. In all their talking, he’d forgotten about the pool and the heat outside.

Jaehyun’s already in his room by the time Mark makes it up the stairs. He’s rummaging through his dresser, and produces two pairs of swim trunks a few moments later. “Blue or black?”

“Blue,” Mark says, reaching out for them. 

They change quickly, leaving their other clothes on the floor. Mark takes his gaze over Jaehyun’s bare back, the contours of sturdy muscle, the line of his waist. Desire returns in an instant, curling up in Mark’s belly like a little cat. It blinks lazily at him, asks, well? What else are you here for?

“I know I have sunblock somewhere,” Jaehyun is muttering, poking his head into the bathroom. “Aha.” He returns with a can of the spray-on kind in one hand and a bottle of gentler lotion for their faces in the other. “Let’s go downstairs.”

“‘Kay,” Mark agrees vacantly, too busy staring at Jaehyun’s pretty chest, covered with little bruises from Mark’s own mouth to give a proper response.

They pass the stuff for the face back and forth as they head to Jaehyun’s back door. Jaehyun also snags a six-pack from the fridge, then unlocks the door and leads them out into the oppressive heat. 

There’s a minifridge outside, too, behind the little bar on the patio. Jaehyun slides the six-pack into the bottom shelf, then straightens. “Here,” he says, holding up the spray can of sunscreen. “I’ll get your back, and then you can do mine.”

Mark turns obediently, wincing at the sudden cold of the spray on his heated skin. He hears the clatter of the can being set down on the countertop, and then Jaehyun’s hands are on his back, smoothing in the sunscreen, kneading at some tension in his shoulders. 

And then, lips on the nape of his neck. Jaehyun kisses him softly before pulling away. “Okay, my turn.”

Mark’s legs kinda feel like jelly, but he manages to turn and grab the sunscreen from the bar. He sprays some sunscreen on, then presses his palms to Jaehyun’s back. His skin here is smooth and unmarred, and Mark resists the urge to dig his nails in, just to hear him gasp. They’ll have plenty of time for that later. 

“All done,” he says once the streaks are gone, letting his hands linger a moment longer before pulling himself away. His voice comes out a little hoarser than usual.

If Jaehyun notices, he doesn’t say anything. While he puts the rest of his sunscreen on, Mark ducks back inside to get another beer, figuring he’ll leave the six pack outside for when they don’t want to drip all over Jaehyun’s nice hardwoods. When he returns to the heat of the patio, Jaehyun is wading into the pool. 

“Make sure the door is closed tight,” he calls to Mark when he sees him. “I don’t want the dogs to run amok. We’ll let them out when it’s a little cooler so they don’t give themselves heat exhaustion.” 

Mark double-checks the door, laughing to himself. Who the fuck says “run amok”? And Mark thought he was the one with the weird vocabulary. 

He pops the beer open at the bar, takes a quick swig, and then works on his own sunscreen. By the time he’s done and sauntered out towards the pool, beer in hand, Jaehyun is floating in the deep end. 

Mark wades in, holding the beer up just in case and stays close to the edge as he makes his way to Jaehyun. He puts the beer down on the patio and joins Jaehyun in floating near the middle. Jaehyun’s watching him, smiling.

“What,” Mark asks softly.

“You’re cute,” Jaehyun says simply, dimple popping.

“Me?” Mark blinks at him. “Like how?”

Jaehyun shrugs, sending ripples of water out from his shoulders. “Just, the way you do things. The way you waded in. You put your beer down so careful. The way you’re looking at me, now.” Mark must look as puzzled as he feels, because Jaehyun laughs. “Big, wide eyes.”

“Oh.” Mark is flustered now, not sure how to respond. “Thanks, I think.”

“I like it,” Jaehyun says, sensing his unease and paddling closer till their shoulders knock. “Really.”

“It’s just, um, I was kinda thinking the same thing about you,” Mark admits. “You’re cute, too.”

Jaehyun groans. “I think I’m a little too old to be cute.”

“Mm-mm.” Mark flips over, slotting one of his legs between Jaehyun’s so he can’t float away, using his arms to tread water. “You’re cute when you blush, and when you giggle. I’m serious, I was thinking it earlier, when—” He sucks in a breath. “When I was fucking you. You’re—you’re cute when you’re getting fucked, too.”

Something flickers behind Jaehyun’s eyes, but he smiles easily all the same. “You think so?”

Mark pushes himself closer. “Yeah, I do,” he says. He doesn’t know what’s going on in Jaehyun’s head, but he knows how to make him forget it. Their noses bump, and Jaehyun giggles. “See, there it is!” Mark rushes through the words so he can finally kiss him. It’s a little unsteady since they’re both still trying to stay afloat, but Mark doesn’t care. His teeth bump Jaehyun’s, his upper lip throbbing from the impact, but he doesn’t care. Jaehyun thinks he’s cute, and he makes Jaehyun giggle. Mark from two days ago would’ve passed out and died from joy, probably. He presses closer still, though the water makes it difficult, Jaehyun’s skin soft against his own. 

They pull away, chests heaving, watching each other over the surface of the water. Mark pants raggedly, waiting for the fog of pleasure to clear from his brain. Jaehyun’s hair is slicked back, water dripping down his forehead and jaw and neck. The world is still for a moment, just Mark and Jaehyun bobbing in the wake of their kiss, eyes never leaving each other’s.

“I’m gonna get a beer,” Jaehyun says, smiling with one side of his mouth. He doesn’t look away until Mark does, turning only after Mark goes back to the edge of the pool for his own beer, half-finished and warming in the sun. Mark clambers out of the pool from there, circling its edge and heading back into the shade where Jaehyun is bent over the mini-fridge. He must feel Mark come up behind him, or else be watching their reflections in the window, because without looking up, he asks, “Need a refill?”

“Nah, still working on this one,” Mark says, proving it by taking a sip. 

Jaehyun stands, beer in hand, closing the door to the fridge. “Then what are you doing over here?”

Mark finds the bottle opener, putting his beer down on the counter and holding his hand out for Jaehyun’s. Jaehyun hesitates a moment, then passes it to Mark. “You’re cute, but you’re also really hot,” he says quietly as he pops the cap off and hands it back. “Guess… I didn’t want to let you out of my sight.” He holds onto the bottle even after Jaehyun takes it, releasing it after a second in favor of running his hand down Jaehyun’s arm. “You look so good shirtless.”

Jaehyun gives him a warning look, but his amusement is poorly disguised. “And? Are you gonna do something about it?” He tips his head back to take a drink of the beer, but he keeps his eyes on Mark.

Mark runs his thumb over the muscle of Jaehyun’s bicep, looking at him through his eyelashes. Big, wide eyes. “I dunno,” he murmurs. “Are you gonna let me?”

Jaehyun presses his lips together, swallowing. “Mmm, if you fuck me again, I’m gonna be sore.”

“Ugh.” Mark drops his hand, going back for his beer. “That the only thing that’s stopping you, hyung?” He half-sings the word hyung, drawing the syllable out. “Cuz after dinner, you won’t see me ’til next weekend.”

Jaehyun steps up next to him and leans back against the bar, elbows up on the counter, talking to Mark almost over his shoulder. “If it were up to me, and not the limits of my body,” he says softly. “I’d let you fuck me all day long.”

Mark groans, half earnest, half for show, taking his beer with him as he spins around to stand in front of Jaehyun, stepping close and trapping him against the bar. “Yeah?” He leans close and presses a hot kiss to Jaehyun’s neck, right over his pulse, running his free hand down his waist. 

“Yeah.” Jaehyun’s voice is breathier than before, and Mark knows he’s won. He won’t fuck him, of course—he doesn’t want to hurt him, and if Jaehyun says it’ll hurt, then that’s that. But Mark has other plans. He lets his hand travel lower, down to Jaehyun’s thighs, where his swim trunks are quickly drying in the afternoon heat. They don’t cling to his skin, so it’s easy for Mark to sneak a hand under the hem. “Mark.” This is a warning, though Mark’s not quite sure why.

“What?” Mark asks, looking up at him and trying to arrange his expression into something doleful. “Your fence is high and you have a stupid huge backyard and tons of trees. No one can see.”

“I can’t limp into music lessons tomorrow,” Jaehyun protests, though he makes no move to stop him when Mark inches his fingers up his thigh.

“No? What if I fucked your thighs instead?” Mark asks, squeezing the soft skin, humming encouragingly when Jaehyun gasps. “Hm? Would you be limping then?”

“You that desperate for me, baby?” Jaehyun asks, all semblance of hesitance gone from his tone in an instant, replaced by a bright playfulness.

“’S’not desperate,” Mark counters around another drink of beer. He’s getting near the bottom of the bottle now, and it’s getting pretty warm, and gross. Still, it’s getting the job done—his lips are numbing, and there’s a tingling under his fingertips. “Not desperate,” he repeats, “you just have really pretty thighs, hyung, did y’know that? Been thinking about them all day.”

“Oh, have you?” Jaehyun saturates his tone with incredulity.

Mark pulls his hand back, finding Jaehyun’s eyes. “‘M being honest. I wanna fuck your thighs.”

Jaehyun blinks, then lets out a shaky breath. “Fuck, okay,” he says. “There’s aloe in the far drawer, that should be enough.”

Mark grins, leaning in for a kiss before releasing him, tugging the drawer open and finding the bottle. “Think one of your lounge chairs will hold both of us?"

“We’ll find out,” Jaehyun replies, and Mark laughs, looking up to see him crawling onto one, sitting on his knees, facing the back of the seat.

Mark saunters over, finishing his beer and tossing it in the recycling on the way over. He bends over so he’s eye to eye with Jaehyun. “Sure it’s okay?” he asks quietly. “Don’t mean t’ push, you’re just so—”

Jaehyun kisses him, and Mark nearly loses his balance. He grabs Jaehyun’s shoulder so he doesn’t topple them both, kissing back once he’s sure his feet are gonna stay underneath him. Jaehyun’s hand finds Mark’s waist, his hip bone, his—

“Fu-uck,” Mark mumbles into Jaehyun’s mouth when he closes his hand over Mark’s cock. Jaehyun strokes him over his swim trunks, dropping his jaw open wider so Mark can lick into his mouth. “Mm, Jaehyun, ah—” He wrenches himself away. “You wanna do this, or do you want me to come in my pants for the second time today?”

Jaehyun laughs, but his eyes are dark. “No.” He drops his hand. “Fuck my thighs.”

Mark exhales sharply, stepping to the side and coming around behind him. “Yeah, okay,” he says. He gets onto the chair right behind Jaehyun, places a kiss between his perfect shoulder blades. “Gonna let me use your body? Hyung?” He doesn’t know why he uses hyung like a taunt, but it comes out low and pointed.

“Mm-hm.” Jaehyun pushes himself up off his heels, bending over to balance on all fours instead.

Mark tugs Jaehyun’s shorts down to his knees and has to stop himself from staring, cracking open the aloe instead and squeezing some onto his palm. It’s a little stickier than lube, but it’ll definitely do the trick, so he coaxes Jaehyun’s legs a little wider and spreads it on his inner thighs, reaching forward to use the excess on Jaehyun’s balls and the underside of his cock.

“Mark,” Jaehyun chokes when Mark wraps his hand around the base and strokes up. 

“Don’t want it to chafe,” Mark says, leaning over him so he can kiss the base of his spine. It’s a shitty excuse—Mark’s big, but Jaehyun’s thighs are bigger. At most, his tip is going to make it to the other side, but Jaehyun drops his head and moans as Mark twists his wrist, clearly resigned. 

Once he’s tortured Jaehyun enough, Mark pulls back and works his own shorts down his thighs, pulling his cock free. He’s already half-hard thanks to Jaehyun groping him a few minutes ago, so he doesn’t have to do much besides spread a little more aloe over the length of his cock before he puts the bottle aside and lines himself up behind Jaehyun. He has to take one knee off the lounge chair, planting his foot on the patio beside them instead to keep steady. 

“Ready?” he asks. Jaehyun nods. “Keep them tight for me, okay?” Another nod; Mark feeds his cock between the hot press of Jaehyun’s thighs, slick with aloe, and moans a little too loud.

“They might not be able to see us, but people still have ears,” Jaehyun hisses, but he’s giggling as Mark’s balls slap against the backs of his thighs.

“Oh, fuck, that’s—” Mark grabs Jaehyun’s hips with both hands, bending over and resting his forehead on Jaehyun’s back. “That’s better than I thought it was gonna—fuck, you’re so warm, hyung. Kinda feels like—” He draws his hips back and pushes forward again, mouthing over Jaehyun’s spine, another moan forcing its way up his throat, quieter this time but just as embarrassing. “Feels like fucking a girl, mm, ’s soft, and wet, ah, fuck, h-hyung, fuck.”

“Is it good, baby?” Jaehyun murmurs. “Does it feel good, baby boy?”

Mark thinks maybe he blacks out for a second. He either stills, or his hips are moving by themselves, he’s not sure. He squeezes his eyes shut, letting out shuddering breath after shuddering breath. Baby boy. “Jaehyun,” he thinks he whimpers. Whimpers. It should be mortifying, but one of Jaehyun’s hands is over his own, thumb sweeping over his knuckles. “Oh, fuck, Jaehyun, lemme just—”

He snakes his other arm up until he finds purchase on Jaehyun’s chest, then pulls them both upright. Jaehyun gasps in surprise but goes pliantly, one hand flying up to grip Mark’s wrist, the other scrambling backwards to hold himself up against Mark’s thigh. Mark rests his cheek against the back of Jaehyun’s shoulder, pressing their bodies together and rutting up between Jaehyun’s thighs. With his other hand, he reaches around and takes hold of Jaehyun’s cock.

“Mark, hah, careful,” Jaehyun manages.

“Mm, I got you,” Mark says, slurs. Maybe he’s drunker than he thought. Or maybe it’s just Jaehyun, getting in his head and in his veins and making him slow with lust. “Keep your legs closed, hyung, you said—you said you’d let me use your body, right?” 

“Yes,” Jaehyun whispers, slow. “Baby boy.” Mark groans, scraping his teeth over Jaehyun’s shoulder blade. “You like that? You wanna be my baby boy?”

“Yes,” Mark practically keens, maybe begs. “Yesyesyes, please.” He’s not sure why he likes it so much. It’s just intimate and sweet and right. He’s Jaehyun’s baby boy, and Jaehyun will give him everything he wants. His hips are moving without Mark even thinking about it, mindless chasing the gentle friction between Jaehyun’s legs. He refocuses on Jaehyun’s cock with the tiny fraction of his brain that hasn’t been entirely corrupted by desire, thumbing at the slit. Wet noises fill the air, the sticky squelching of their bodies, but it just turns Mark on even more. It’s so gross, but it doesn’t matter because he and Jaehyun both want it, both like it.

“That’s it, baby.” Jaehyun is shaking, Mark guesses from a mix of arousal and the exertion of keeping his legs pressed tight together for Mark. “Like that, so good. You gonna come?”

“Mm, close,” Mark admits. His head swims. “Please,” he whispers. “Say—say it again.”

“Come for me, baby boy,” Jaehyun says, his voice sweet. 

“Fuck,” Mark groans, speeding his hips up. He thinks he’s digging his nails into Jaehyun’s chest, probably painfully, but Jaehyun doesn’t complain. He thrusts forward, nosing at Jaehyun’s skin, breathing in his scent—chlorine from the pool, a hot hazy tinge from the sun, and underneath, clean body, something like sandalwood and teak. Jaehyun. 

He doesn’t even realize he’s coming at first until he pulls back a little too far and some of his release spatters up his stomach and across Jaehyun’s back. Jaehyun is murmuring encouragement still as Mark’s hips slow, Mark panting hotly against his skin. 

“Shit, ‘m sorry,” Mark groans when he comes back to himself a little and realizes he paused, mid-stroke, and that Jaehyun is still hard in his palm. 

Jaehyun fucking giggles, of course. “It’s okay,” he says. “Let go so I can turn around.”

Mark releases him, and Jaehyun manages to maneuver himself around so that he’s facing Mark, sitting down and leaning back in the chair.

“You’re sitting in my come,” Mark comments breathlessly as he reaches for his cock.

“I’m covered in it already, anyway,” Jaehyun points out, which Mark has to admit is a pretty good argument.

“Gross, hyung,” he says regardless, sitting down between Jaehyun’s legs and ducking his head to take the tip of his cock in his mouth.

Between both of Mark’s hands and his mouth, Jaehyun comes only a few short minutes later, curled over himself with his fingers tangled in Mark’s hair, pretty little moans spilling over his perfect lips. Mark strokes him through the aftershocks, the last of his release dripping down Mark’s knuckles and onto the already stained cushion as Mark surges up, kissing Jaehyun so he can taste himself on Mark’s tongue.

“Oh, shit,” Jaehyun mutters when they pull apart. Another giggle. “I’m never getting those stains out. I’m gonna have to buy new ones.” 

Mark slaps his hand over his mouth, but it doesn’t stop the laughter from bubbling up out of his chest. “Sorry,” he gasps out, and Jaehyun smacks him painlessly with an open palm. “You could just flip them over.” 

“No, that’s fucking disgusting!”

///

They run around the backyard with the dogs after they clean up, and then eventually order dinner and eat that out on the patio too as the air cools and the sun begins to set, steadily sobering up. As the sky begins to color, Jaehyun gathers their trash and pulls Mark to his feet.

“C’mon,” he says. “It’s time to get you home.”

Mark retrieves his underwear from the dryer and the rest of his clothes from Jaehyun’s bedroom, retrieves his phone from the kitchen, and shoves his feet into his shoes. Jaehyun waits patiently, keys in hand.

“So,” Mark says, taking his time with his laces. “Next weekend?”

Jaehyun grabs his phone out of his back pocket and brings it down in front of him so Face ID activates. “I’ll put my number in your phone,” he says. “We don’t need that app anymore.”

Mark panics for a second, wondering if his text thread with Johnny is visible, but a second later, his phone is back in his pocket without any further commentary. “Okay,” he says, standing.

Jaehyun opens the door, watching the dogs while Mark slips past. “But yes, next weekend,” he says, stepping out onto the porch as well and locking the door behind them. “I can come pick you up Friday after work, if that’s good for you?”

Mark nods, then realizes he probably can’t see him as he’s already out on the driveway. “Yeah, that’s good for me. I should get off around 5, so any time after 5:30 is good.”

Jaehyun unlocks his car and they both get in. “Sounds good,” he agrees. “If the weather’s not too bad on Saturday, I was thinking we could take the dogs for a hike. I know a nice trail—not too hard, and really pretty.”

“I’m game,” Mark says. “It’ll probably be good for me, I haven’t really been working out since school ended.”

Jaehyun laughs. “Well, I don’t think you need to worry too much,” he says wryly as he starts the car and pulls out onto the street. “You’re in pretty good shape.”

Mark grins. “Thanks.”

They chat about nothing as Jaehyun makes the drive across the city to Mark’s place. Too soon, he’s pulling up in the loading zone in front of the doors. Jaehyun turns his car off and bends forward, peering up at the building.

“This is you?” he asks.

“Uh, yeah,” Mark says. 

“Why do you need a sugar daddy?” Jaehyun straightens, but when Mark finds his eyes, his gaze isn’t accusatory, just confused.

“Right, sorry, I kind of forget—this, my friend’s parents own this building, and they’re giving me a massive discount,” Mark explains. It’s Chenle, of course; his parents have a small real estate empire up and down the entire West Coast. “My friends and I are living here next year for school, but I’m in a studio right now since the unit I’m gonna be sharing with a couple of my buddies is still occupied by this other family. So it looks like I’m rich, but I’m just lucky.”

Jaehyun laughs. “Got it,” he says. “Sure you’re not a scammer?”

“I told you, I don’t need your money,” Mark groans, and Jaehyun laughs some more.

“I’m teasing,” he says. “Go on, it’s getting late. You can give me a tour next time.”

“Uh-huh!” Mark agrees, thinking immediately about how gross his place is since he hasn’t cleaned it in weeks. “Uh, text me if anything changes. And, um, have a good week. Probably shouldn’t—kiss, James might’ve paid the doorman to keep an eye on me.”

Jaehyun snorts. “Yeah, okay,” he says. “Have a good week, Mark.”

Mark pops the door open, waving as he steps out onto the curb. “Bye!”

He waits until Jaehyun rounds the corner and disappears before heading inside, then hurries up to his apartment and immediately starts cleaning. The sun has fully set by the time Mark is satisfied with the state of his room, dragging himself to bed and just barely remembering to set his alarm.

#works #jaemark #nxt #jaehyun #mark #jeong jaehyun #mark lee #nct fanfic #nct fanficiton #nct smut #jaehyun fanfic #jaehyun fanfiction #jaehyun smut #mark fanfic #mark fanfiction #mark smut #nct mark #nct mark fanfic #nct mark fanfiction #nct mark smut #nct jaehyun #nct jaehyun fanfic #nct jaehyun fanfiction #nct jaehyun smut #jaemark fanfic #jaemark fanfiction #jaemark smut #mark x jaehyun #jaehyun x mark #mark/jaehyun

[anashins]

Snow in London

Pairing: idol!Jaehyun x escort!reader

Genre: fluff, romance, smut

Word Count: 4.2k

Summary: Jaehyun has to spend Christmas alone in London and figures that with money, you can buy anything - even company to make him feel less alone.

A/N: Merry Christmas guys - this is my gift for you! Have happy holidays and enjoy! (You might get confused as the story unfolds, but keep reading, it will all make sense, trust me)

A bottle of wine and an escort.

If two weeks ago someone had told Jaehyun that this was how he was going to spend this year’s Christmas, he would have called that person a fool. Usually, he spent it among his family, friends and members, and everyone knew. Very cozy and comfortable, only with the people closest to him.

Now, Jaehyun himself was the person who looked like a fool. 

It was Christmas Eve and he was sitting in a hotel room on the other side of the world - London, to be exact - far away from all the people dear to him. If only he hadn’t accepted this campaign shoot for this certain luxury brand, he would be home by now, fast asleep after having enjoyed good food with his family.

But fate had other things in store for him when it was announced this morning that all domestic and international flights were canceled due to the heavy snowstorm that would last a couple of days. Jaehyun knew it was his responsibility as a global ambassador, but he had really begged to not accept this job in case something like this would happen. It didn’t usually snow in the UK, so his team had just shrugged his concerns off.

But somehow, he had sensed it, and now he was locked up here with nowhere else to go.

When Jaehyun looked out of the window, he saw white everywhere with not a single vehicle passing by in the streets, and the snow wouldn’t stop falling. He doubted he could take a flight tomorrow or the day after that. Or the day after that even. It was frustrating. 

With a ‘thud’, he let himself fall back onto the bed. At least he was in a high class hotel close to Hyde Park and the staff had invited him to go to the bar with them, but Jaehyun wasn’t in the mood for company now. Well, at least not the company of so many people he didn’t know well enough. 

Why an escort then? 

Jaehyun didn’t want to spend Christmas Eve entirely alone, but he also didn’t want the commitment of having the person around until the next morning with the obligation of getting something physical out of it. He would rather leave it open. Or even worse, he didn’t want to take the flight back with that person and work together again depending on how this night would end. So that was why the staff was ruled out and the hotel employees as well just because they were short handed during the holidays.

Jaehyun just didn’t want to be alone on Christmas Eve and he had the money for it.

The fact that he had indeed never done something like this before was mirrored in how his heart jumped the moment he heard a knock on the door. Luckily, it was just room service bringing the wine he had ordered shortly before, leaving him all alone again with a simple “Merry Christmas”. 

If this Christmas Eve was going to turn merry for Jaehyun, he also didn’t know yet.

The second time he heard a knock, he opened the door even more nervous to find you standing in front of him whose picture he had only briefly seen on the website this morning.

The first thing he noticed about you was how much prettier you were in real life. If he were being honest, you didn’t look like your photos at all as in fact, he found you more beautiful in person and with your bright aura, his nervousness directly dropped a bit. 

Perhaps, he had also not looked at the photos properly, because he wanted to leave it open whether there would be intimate contact at all, and there were not many working today. In the end, he preferred any company over none at all and this was a time where he couldn’t be picky much since he also didn’t want to reduce a person to their outward appearance only and wanted to talk to them too.

So Jaehyun was pleasantly surprised to see you, a pretty, young woman with a nice energy, standing in front of him. 

The second thing he noticed was that you must be cold, because despite your body being covered in a thick black puffer jacket and a pair of black pants that ended in boots, there were remnants of snow everywhere on your body, and since the flakes were melting by room temperature, it looked like you had just run through the rain with your face uncovered also.

For a special day with special services, if Jaehyun were to be blunt, you were dressed and styled quite ordinary - which he didn’t mind at all though since you were only going to stay in the room anyway, he had dropped the fact beforehand! He just couldn’t help but to notice the great difference in the sexy clothings and heavy makeup you had worn on your online pis and the way you were styled now. 

But he’d rather have you warm and cozy than sexy during such a weather, he wasn’t one to pay much attention to outer clothing anyway when most of the time he was wearing lounge pants himself. Actually Jaehyun felt really relieved since he also hadn’t dressed up much for this occasion, wearing his slacks and black shirt at most. 

“Good evening. It’s cold outside, come in.”

Jaehyun opened the door widely, and the third thing he noticed about you was how good you smelled when you walked past him with a light,

“Good evening. Thank you.”

You opened your jacket and Jaehyun, like the gentleman he was, helped you get out of it and hung it up on the wardrobe. When he turned back around, he observed you standing in the room, wrapping your arms around yourself and trembling with your light clothes since your upper body was only covered in a blouse.

“Didn’t you use the shuttle I ordered?” he asked.

“You ordered a shuttle for me? Oh…” You shook your head. “I used the subway and walked all the way from Oxford Circus to here.”

That was why you looked like you had walked through the snowstorm - because you literally did. “I paid for a shuttle service straight to the hotel too, no?” Jaehyun was sure this had been listed on the bill as an extra service for which he had already paid.

“I didn’t get the notice, she didn’t tell me. Only the hotel, floor and room number. There are no cars or services running, so….”

Suddenly, Jaehyun felt bad. He assumed ‘she’ was the operator in the company, something like a manager. “Take off your clothes.” 

“What?”

He was confused that you had turned confused, so you were looking at each other, equally puzzled. “I want to hang them up, so you don’t have to walk around with wet clothes and risk getting a cold. And I want you to take a shower please, to warm yourself up.” 

You blinked a few times, but then replied, “Oh! No, I was only taken aback a bit…”

“Don’t worry.” Jaehyun finally realized what had run through your head. “I’m not like that.”

Even though you only nodded as a reply, he clearly saw how relieved you were, and he started questioning whether you knew what you were actually here for as you appeared a bit insecure about this entire situation. Even though it might not happen right away or at all, the job description was very clear and you weren’t a newbie if he had to believe the website. But Jaehyun shrugged it off as this was a special circumstance and day you might not get into often as well.

Jaehyun then sent you to the bathroom with information on where to find the towels and a bathrobe. He just couldn’t live with the thought of having a woman come over despite the weather and dealing with the consequences.

Rummaging through his luggage, he found a simple white long sleeve and checkered lounge pants that must be way too big for you, but he figured it was better than leaving you in a bathrobe or making you wear your own clothes again before they had fully dried.

When you walked out of the bathroom approximately half an hour later, with semi-dried hair, a bathrobe way too big for you and wearing no makeup at all anymore, the fourth thing Jaehyun noticed about you was that you were an ordinary young woman who he could have also met on the streets or in a club, not someone he paid to spend a few hours with.

And if he were to say it out loud, he wouldn’t want you to misunderstand this. There was no negative connotation with this thought, especially not in regard to your job which services he was making use of himself. It just dawned on him that you were two ordinary people in private, alone on Christmas Eve. 

In the end, when it came down to loneliness, you were both the same.

“You’re so kind to me,” you stated when Jaehyun handed you his clothes.

“I figured someone who has to work on Christmas Eve deserves more kindness than usual.”

“It was okay,” you simply stated and returned to the bathroom while it echoed, “There weren’t too many rude customers today, thank god.”

Jaehyun tilted his head in question over this cryptic statement. Had you just used plural? Oh my, how many customers did you take in a day? Was Christmas Eve really that busy? But then he decided to brush it off. It was none of his business anyway, although it remained in the back of his head, itching him a bit. 

While he walked over to the table where he had also already prepared two glasses and opened the wine, you left the bathroom again, now fully dressed in his clothes.

Jaehyun attempted really hard not to look up and to stare, so he tried to catch a glimpse or two from the corner of his eyes while filling the wine glasses. Under any other circumstances, this would have been an awkward first date, and even though it wasn’t since he paid for your company, pretending to have it be one made it a little bit easier for him, he had to admit.

“Wine?” he offered, and he perceived in the way the look in your eyes changed that you very much welcomed this ice breaker.

“Thank you.”

Alcohol was not only very popular for making your tongue loose, which was why, two glasses of wine for each of you later, your outer clothes had become very loose as well and eventually landed on the floor next to the bed.

“You know,” you murmured in between kisses before Jaehyun slid his tongue along your jaw and only came to a stop with it by the side of your neck, which made you giggle. “I usually don’t do this the first time I meet someone… At least not directly.”

Jaehyun pricked up his ears, but didn’t stop nibbling on the soft skin. “Oh? But then, what do you usually do upon first meeting someone?”

“Usually we go out, to a restaurant or something. And if the vibe is right, one thing leads to another…”

Of course he knew about the fact that high quality escort services didn’t come with short lived physical intimacy only. But there was only so much he was able to do in such a situation, and now he was truly wondering if he should have ordered a room service meal first since he hadn’t even been fixated on physical contact only. It was his first time too, so he still felt a bit lost - and guilty he wasn’t able to offer more.

But he was just so attracted to you which was even more fueled by the bit of alcohol in his system now, and upon the first time he had leaned in to kiss you only moments before this, he knew you felt the same about him. Which was good! After all, he couldn’t imagine getting intimate with someone who had to pretend to like him for his sake and for the money.

“I would have taken you out first too, but during this snowstorm…”

He didn’t come to end his sentence, because you cupped his face and pulled him up, so that you were facing each other again, and you reassured him with your thumb stroking tenderly over his warm cheek, “I don’t mind this time.”

“Good.”

And with that, the last word was spoken just as the last pieces of clothing, your underwear, found their way onto the floor too. 

When Jaehyun was running his fingers through your hair, caressing the sensitive skin on your shoulder with his warm lips, he noticed that, even after showering, you still smelled as good as in the moment when you first had walked through the door. You weren’t wearing any heavy perfume or another scent. This was just you, the natural you. He liked it.

You were sitting on his lap and held onto his strong upper arms for support as he went lower with his lips to the area around your cleavage. Your teeth sank into the flesh of your bottom lip when he bit into your nipple, making you gasp eventually. You felt him smile against your breast, and, almost as if he wanted to apologize, he licked over the spot and then gently placed a kiss on it. 

When he dedicated his mouth to your other mound though, he didn’t use his teeth anymore, but only his tongue. And a few moments later, you let your head roll back as he sucked on nibbled on that spot, causing sensations to run all through your body and your thighs to clasp around him even stronger as though you wanted more of him too. And you actually did, oh how much you did!

But a familiar tone made you both turn your head to the desk simultaneously where your phone was lightening up and vibrating. Who would interrupt you at such a time?

“Just ignore it,” you told him, and he nodded deliberately.

“Very well.”

He grabbed you by your bum and with a gasp, you then were flipped around and fell backwards onto the mattress with a giggle. When your phone had exactly stopped ringing, you couldn't tell in the end, because you long had Jaehyun’s fingers inside of you.

What he thought when he was pleasuring you with his hand, wasn’t only how hot you looked as a writhing and whiny mess under him from whom he couldn’t avert his eyes, but also how fun it was, because there was a smile showing on your face every now and then.

Jaehyun usually never did one night stands, though there had been a handful of ones throughout the years. But these girls, he had talked to before, even in a drunken state only. That he just requested the company of someone and they would actually match so well from the first moment on like with you, he hadn’t expected at all.

His fingers were drenched when he pulled them out of you after noticing how tight you had gotten around him due to your arousal, but he was determined to prolong the act. After all, you had the whole night and he could still sleep on the plane the next day - if they would run again - which he doubted. And a part of him already thought further and made plans to book you instead again.

“Look at me.”

Jaehyun didn’t know why exactly, but he just wanted that. It made him feel warm around his chest. And he could need a little warmth right now when it was so cold and lonely outside. He hoped you did too. 

Your eyes were indeed warm when you looked at each other, so he couldn’t help but lift his free hand and brush some streaks of your hair out of your face. There were worse ways to spend Christmas, he had to admit. Actually, this Christmas had turned really nice at this point.

Jaehyun got pulled out of his thoughts though when he felt the palms of your hands in his nether regions, first stroking along his inner thighs, then wrapping around his full length. No way this was happening. The unexpected sensation made him fold, and he had a really hard time propping his weight up against his elbows to hold himself in position when it all felt so good.

“You like that?” you whispered into his ear with a low voice that turned him on so much.

“Just keep going and I won’t be able to guarantee anything.”

With a brush over his tip, you wiped away his droplet of precum. You then retracted your hand to lead your stained fingers to your mouth and slid them in without breaking eye contact with him. This way you let him know that he nevertheless would end up very lucky this christmas. 

Even your phone vibrating again couldn’t interrupt the mood since you both quietly agreed to ignore it before he reached for a condom on the nightstand to prepare himself. There still were a few hours of Christmas Eve left, a few hours where you could still try out stuff. Right now, you both just needed to get it off.

Jaehyun wondered if there was something you absolutely wouldn’t do or liked to do, but there was no room to think about it much anyway when you were lying under him, completely naked, a light sheen of sweat covering most parts of your body, and your facial expression welcoming him with your lips slightly parted. 

Could he imagine a better gift for his situation? Absolutely not.

He parted your thighs with his knees when he sat in front of you and guided himself in. It was easy with almost no strength required, that was how wet he had already gotten you through his fingerwork. Grabbing your thighs to your left and right, Jaehyun slid you along the mattress closer to him so that you were eventually fully sheathed inside and stuck skin on skin.

You spread out your hands when he started to pull out, then pushed in again, and with every time, he added a little more force. Your eyes rolled to the ceiling as your fingers entangled with the sheet to your left and right, and you suddenly weren’t mad at your parents anymore for leaving you alone on Christmas, so that you had decided to still work and practically spend it with a stranger. You could imagine having a worse celebration than this one right here. 

It had been quite a while since you last had sex, and you weren’t sure it had ever been this good or if it were only the circumstances and you were just so into each other - which was so rare! But in the end, it didn’t really matter. If the first blind encounter was already this good, there for sure would be a second one!

You felt your climax nearing the moment he picked up his speed, and although you were able to cum like this, you still appreciated that he changed the position from kneeling in front of you to lying on top of you. It felt good to wrap your legs around his middle, and feel him, every stroke, no matter how hard or long, even more intense.

He was breathing into your ear, and at one point even kissed your earlobe, then your cheek. It was intimate and cute at the same time, and he eventually hovered over you with his face, so you spread out your arms to welcome him with a kiss on your mouth, and then hugged him close to your body.

His breathing turned irregular and it wasn’t in sync with his thrusts anymore, that was how you could foretell that at any second, he would cum. With your fingers grabbing into his hair, partly gently, partly determined, you signalized him that it was alright to let go, and that you would follow too.

As though he had been holding in until you gave such kind of approval, he came the moment he slid back inside you with a low groan right beside your ear. You witnessed his breathing turning regular and slower and him gaining back full control of his body, because he did not directly pull out of you after he was done.

Instead, he continued moving for as long as he was still able to and eventually got you off with his hands so that you shook in his arms and he was now the one having to hold you through your climax.

“Best Christmas Eve ever,” you eventually breathed when he let go of you and rolled to one side of the now messy bed. “That was a nice gift.”

“Right back at you,” Jaehyun said.

With a look at you, he observed how you tried to grab the blanket to wrap it around your naked body to keep yourself warm. He knew a better method though. 

Jaehyun moved to your side of the bed and laid down, but making sure to have closed his arms around you before to pull you down with him right onto his chest. For a moment, he was worried that it was too much and you would free yourself again. But as he felt your muscles relaxing and you eventually put an arm around him too, he was very much relieved.

“Why are you spending Christmas alone?” you eventually asked him after a few moments of silence. “She didn’t tell me.”

Ah, so details truly weren’t passed on upon request. “My flight back home got canceled due to the snowstorm, but I didn’t want to be all alone.” Jaehyun didn’t know whether he could ask this question back, but he did nonetheless. He figured if you didn’t want to or weren’t allowed to share private info, you would tell him immediately.

“Oh, you wanted to spend it among your family too but they live abroad?” He wanted to explain that he lived abroad too, but your answer caught his attention more, “My parents suddenly decided they would rather spend two weeks on a cruise in the Caribbean sea instead of celebrating with me, so I was alone too.” 

“I understand that.” If he would have been left alone on Christmas, since it was a holiday spent among the family in the UK, he would have rather worked too, Jaehyun thought to himself. “That’s why we’re here.”

“Yeah, that’s why.”

It was cold outside, but their bodies and hearts were warm, not only because of them sharing their physical warmth, but mostly because they were not alone anymore. 

So it was an unspoken agreement that their encounter wouldn’t end here. Or at night. Probably only the next morning. And even then, you both wondered if it actually would when it felt this good.

“Should I order room service?” Jaehyun asked instead.

You nodded with excitement. “Actually, I’m quite hungry.”

“Yeah, me too.” He laughed and stretched out his arm to reach for the phone, but you both heard a knock on the door before he could call anyone.

“Did you already order something before?” you asked out of curiosity, but Jaehyun shook his head. 

“Maybe someone from my team?”

You frowned. “Team…?”

But Jaehyun didn’t see it as he had already jumped out of bed to throw on some light clothes so that it wouldn’t get that embarrassing to open the door to one of the staff.

Standing in front of him was no familiar staff at all though.

“Good evening, here I am.”

Jaehyun was flabbergasted. Had it been a glass of wine too much? Because in front of him stood the woman whose exact pictures he had seen online this morning, he now remembered clearly. Not only was she wearing the exact same clothes, but also the same heavy makeup. No doubt, he wasn’t dreaming or imagining.

“I’m sorry for the delay,” she continued. “The shuttle you ordered couldn’t get through, I was waiting for so long. I ordered a taxi from Oxford Circus instead and that eventually got stuck. I had to walk the rest of the way, but now I’m here… What is it? Don’t you want to invite me in?”

“Pardon me… what?!”

On the other side of the room, you had finally picked up the phone call from your friend who had just called for the third time.

“Hey! You can’t imagi-... What do you mean? How can he still be waiting when I am currently with him? Yes, the guy you set me up on a blind date with, he’s here,” you defended yourself over the line, then paused. “What do you mean? I am in the room on the fifth floor, the exact room you told me.”

You looked over to the man who had just closed the door again and your eyes locked with undefinable gazes. 

“This is the fourth floor.”

Then, you both asked the other as realization dawned at the same time,

“Who are you?”

#jaehyun #jeong jaehyun #jaehyun smut #jaehyun imagines #jaehyun scenarios #jaehyun x reader #jaehyun x you #jaehyun x y/n #jaehyun fanfiction #nct #nct 127 #nct smut #nct x you #nct x reader #nct imagines #nct scenarios #kpop x reader #kpop imagines #kpop scenarios

[aesthyuckic]

[3:46pm]

You got excited seeing the plushie on the shelf. It was cute and the perfect size to hold in your arms when you needed comfort. It was so soft too and you loved it up until you saw the price tag. It made you choke. It wasn’t that much, you just had no concept of money and you didn’t want to run out before your trip to Korea was over.

“What’s wrong?” Jaehyun asked.

“Nothing.” You shrugged.

“They think it's too pricey.” The staff verbalized to him.

The statement made you glare in the direction of the camera crew. You hated the fact that a crew was following around all day, especially in the middle of a store. It was amazing you didn’t catch anyone's attention yet with how obvious and awkward the equipment was that followed you around.

The only reason you were there in the first place was because it was offered to you, expenses paid of course. Who were you to pass that up as a struggling college student? You weren’t really aware of the fact that’d you be filming a reality show based on a random fan from abroad being chosen to hang out with whatever group for a month to learn about cultural differences and whatnot.

It felt just like college… living with nine boys, it smelled and sounded like it too but it was most definitely fun. It didn’t really feel real either, some sort of dream.

“Why don’t you buy it?” The older boy asked. “You’re only in Korea for another three weeks.”

“I’m horrible with money.” You sighed. “I’d probably end up impulse buying the store and then I’m out of money if I find anything else I want. I’ll just get something small…”

Jaehyun rolled his eyes, mostly because you dragged him in there after you spotted the shop while leaving the grocery store. He stood there as you walked away to one of the displays with smaller plushies quite a way’s away. He turned his attention back to the large dog plushie you had just had your hands on. Out of curiosity, he looked at the tag. 30,000 won, he chuckled.

“I’ll buy it.” He uttered, softly as he played with it’s ears.

He found you too occupied by all the smaller choices so he took the opportunity to be sneaky about the whole thing. He had one of the staff buy it with his card once the both of you were on your way back to the house in the van.

Unaware, you were happy with the two small plushies you had gotten that sat in your lap. One was an octopus while the other was a bunny. You held them in your hands so gently as you had named them. He smiled as he found it oddly cute. He wondered about how you’d react to the dog once he had given it to you…

The rest of the staff arrived shortly after you had brought the groceries in with Jaehyun. Taeyong and Taeil were busy cooking with what you both had bought. You stuck around to help the two a bit while Jaehyun had disappeared to get the plushie and hide it in the room he shared with Johnny.

It wasn’t until later that night after everyone had eaten dinner in the courtyard and the cameras were off for the evening that you had actually gotten to talk to Jaehyun again. Most of the others were asleep and you were ready for bed when he knocked on your door. It opened quietly as he came in. You put your phone down to look at him.

“What’s up?” You asked.

“I have something for you.” He responds before he ran out of the room for a moment to grab something.

He came back in with the plushie you were eyeing earlier. Your face light up as you shot out of bed and went up to grab it. It was soft and so huggable. The joy was apparent in your expressions which made him smile sweetly.

“Oh my god.” You gasped. “Wait, you got this for me?”

“30,000 won wasn’t much.” He shrugged. “Memories are important, that’s him right there.”

“Him?” You questioned.

“I did buy the thing.”

“Whatever, I don’t care. Thank you.”

You couldn’t help yourself from reaching to hug him with your one open arm as the other held onto the plush. It took him by surprise, but in a good way. It took him a moment to register before he wrapped his own arm around you.

“Oh, I’m sorry.” You apologized. “I should’ve asked before I hugged you.”

“No, it’s alright.” He reassured, his dimple popping out. “I’m glad you like it.”

You both bid each other good night before you had crawled into bed, cuddling into the new plush that was still in your arms the next morning. You thought all the cameras were off at that point that night until the show got released and you watched it. There was apparently a camera in the corner of the room that hadn’t been noticed.

It caught the whole interaction between you and older boy. The worst part was the over dramatic editing over it that made you absolutely flustered. The amount of comments that popped up during that time stamp… the amount of clips there were all over social media that also had so many comments. It was insane to see all the people that envied you for that moment solely… You guess you understood why you saw so many people ship you two at the end of the day when watching the show back.

That episode alone you had noticed the kind way he looked at you and how he smiled at the little things you did. All things you hadn’t noticed because you weren’t paying attention or really thinking that could happen. Why would someone you only known for a week buy you something like that if they didn’t like you? You did have that dog in so many pictures of yours way before the show aired and anyone knew… They all took noticed after and maybe you weren’t mad about it because you kind of liked him too, even if he wasn’t your bias. At least at the time.

#jaehyun imagine #jaehyun imagines #jaehyun #nct 127 fanfic #nct 127 fics #nct 127 imagines #nct 127 au #nct 127 fic #jaehyun drabbles #jaehyun fluff #jaehyun fanfiction #jaehyun fic #jaehyun fanfic #jaehyun scenarios #jaehyun au #nct au #nct u #nct #nct imagines #nct imagine #nct 127 fluff #nct fanfic #nct fics #nct fluff #nct u fluff #nct u fanfic #nct drabbles #jaehyun timestamps #nct timestamps #nct 127 timestamps

[gingrrfrog]

the OFFICIAL chapter one for ivoire is posted right now! And you can read it here! I’m typing this up on my iPad at work so that’s why it looks a little wonky, but let me know what you all think :3c I missed writing about everyone so much I have so many ideas for this rendition

#jaehyun #nct scenarios #these nights au #jaehyun scenario #nct mafia #ivoire asks #ivoire fanfic #jung jaehyun smut #jaehyun angst #jaehyun drabble #jaehyun fanfiction #jaehyun imagine #jaehyun smut #nct imagine #nct jaehyun #nct fanfic #nct smut #nct imagines #jaehyun nct

[ephemeralbvtch]

Hostage

Pairings: domagent!jaehyun x f!reader

Synopsis: Getting abducted by your ex for something you weren’t even completely aware of. 

Genre: angst/ smut

Warnings: kidnapping, holding hostage, sexual intercourse, sexual harassment, fingering, use of derogatory terms, use of profanities, mention of gun, mention of, killing, shooting, use of knife, acts of physical violence, overstimulation, denying orgasms

•••

You shivered as the cold wind blew past your face. From the shattered window, a gust of winter wind blew over you. You were sure that your wrists were lined with bracelets of red. The result of having a rope tied around them.

Bang

Your legs gave away the sound of a gunshot and you let yourself move downwards, against the pillar you were tied to. 12 more to go. How long did you have to suffer in this hell of a place? You had asked yourself this the moment you were dragged into the abandoned building. The agents holding you captive had all the power they needed. One word from the guy who led them and you’d have all your heads blown off.

“Are you going to give in now?” a familiar voice boomed a few feet ahead of you.

You dared not look at the face. You sucked in your breath and waited still. Out of the fourteen people that were dragged into this place, two were ministers and the rest were your students back at the university.

The footsteps neared towards where you stood and once again the voice echoed the silent walls, “Aren’t you ashamed of yourself? I killed those two men and you’re still not going to give in?”

The grandfather clock at the end of hallway ticked. The silence was weighing you down. You had no choice but to keep quiet, which also meant that you were putting the lives of your students at stake.

You nodded your head sideways.

A sigh escaped the mouth of the man who stood in front of you. He took short steps towards one of your students and pulled them up so they would stand. The rest of the students that were kneeling on the floor whimpered in fear.

“Shut your fucking traps!”

“Leave the girl alone. Don’t touch her or else-“

“Or else, you’ll do what?” He asked as he released the girl, who then fell onto the floor on her trembling thighs. Helpless, because her hands were tied to her back just as yours were, she lay there. The rest of the children only watched in what was a look of pity and fear.

The man grabbed your hair and yanked it back, earning a whimper from you, “Tell me what you’ll do if I kill all the students in this room. Will you then give in and tell me where the goddamn flash drive is?”

“Jaehyun please…” you begged as you looked at him with pleading eyes.

“What?” He spat looking directly into your eyes.

“Don’t do this. Please. Just leave them out of this. I promise I’ll make sure they keep quiet. Just let them go. I promise I’ll stay.”

Letting go of your hair, he stepped back. As if in consideration, he looked at the students and back at you. You watched him in fear, trying to comprehend what exactly was going in that messed up head of his. He squatted, meeting your height. You pulled your folded legs closer to your body, as if to move away from him. Jaehyun noticed this and chuckled.

To test it further, he held a hand out to caress your cheek and you turned your head away from him.

“Now you’re disgusted by me? What happened to the times when you screamed out my bloody name while I fucked you and sucked me dry in your office, huh?”

Blood rushed up to your face and you avoided looking at the faces of your students.

“Did you forget the times-“

“Jeong Jaehyun! Stop it right now. How dare you shamelessly-“

A bruising grip on your face halted your talking. You winced at the pain and looked him in the eyes. He shrugged and harshly took his grasping fingers off your face.

“Okay, you’re still not giving in. I have no other choice but to...” continued Jaehyun as he walked towards the group of students who had their hands tied behind their backs and kept in a line. You watched in shock as he pulled the trigger of his gun and moved it in front of the terrified kids.

The moment he aimed it at the girl he had pulled out earlier, you screamed,

“I’ll tell you. I’ll tell you so just please don’t shoot her.”

A satisfying smirk painted across Jaehyun’s face. As he came over to you and pulled you to your feet, his smug smile disappeared into a thin line. His stone face came into view and you looked at him in utter disgust.

You just couldn’t believe that you’d slept with a man who was scheming against you the day he was aware of your existence. When you had found out about his plan, a text message sent to the wrong person by accident, one that had raised red flags, he was already in action the very next day. After days of avoiding you, he finally abducted you a day ago, alongside your group of 12 students for leverage purposes and two other acquaintances of your father. Your father who had always put his job before his family and life. You bet he wasn’t even aware that you were abducted because of him.

And his bloody flash drive.

A flash drive you were aware of but should have ignored digging deeper. Upon getting to know about the flash drive you had tried asking your father about it. Which is exactly how Jaehyun ended up being ordered to tail you and get close to you. After finally setting up a place to meet up with your father, whom you saw very rarely, you had talked to him about the flash drive. He hadn’t told you much despite your stubborn inquiry, but all he had told you was that the flash drive contained vital information regarding a Supreme Committee leader and that it was kept somewhere safe. By the looks of why Jaehyun needed this flash drive it was clearly visible that he was working under this said leader, whoever that was.

“Speak,” the voice commanded and you broke off from your daze.

The two of you had already arrived at a closed room that seemed like an old interrogation room. You stood still, refusing to sit. He clicked his tongue in annoyance and took out his gun to place it on the table. You looked at it and thought of ways to grab hold of it. Behind your arms, your fingers slowly worked their way through the ropes around your wrists. When he had dragged you here, Jaehyun had removed the rope and retied your wrists together. Which meant that he hadn’t actually tied your wrists properly, or rather they were loosely tied the second time.

“Can you lend me your sweater? It’s cold,” you asked him.

For a brief moment, he paused and then agreed. He raised his arms to pull off the black sweater he was wearing. Right then you ripped out your hands from the rope and grabbed the gun.

The moment you grabbed the gun and pulled the trigger, Jaehyun pulled back the sweater on. He stood up immediately and looked at you. His tongue prodded against the inside of his left cheek as he walked towards you at a slow pace.

“Put that gun down, darling,” he murmured while keeping eye contact with you.

You, on the other hand, held the gun with your trembling hands and tried hard to not let your glassy eyes give you away. It was exhausting in many ways. To be holding a gun towards the man you loved for almost quarter of a year was hard.

Since you didn’t put the gun down, Jaehyun tried a different approach. The approach where he threatened you, “If you shoot me now, there’ll be agents outside who’ll come in and kill you and all those kids outside.”

You thought about the kids outside and fretted a little. If what he was saying was the truth then you were risking innocent lives. Still, you didn’t budge and he clicked his tongue once again before taking a few huge strides towards you. Startled, you lost track of what you were doing as he pulled the gun away from you. Unloading the bullets, he threw the gun to the corner of the room and slapped you across your face.

“I was being nice to you and you took fucking advantage of that?” he asked, his voice laced with fury.

You held your reddened cheek and looked at him with slanted eyes. He looked down at you and you stood up wanting to get back at him for slapping you. He reacted almost immediately as your hand came flying towards his face. He twisted your arm behind you and pushed you to the wall with the mirror.

“What the fuck are you trying on me? We made a deal. I don’t shoot the kids and you tell me where the flash drive is.”

“You made a deal. I. Never. Agreed,” you spat back.

Jaehyun roughly pulled you away from the wall and bent you over the table. He removed his belt and tied your hands behind your back.

“Guess I’d have to fuck your brains out so that you’ll tell me where it is.”

“Don’t touch me with your filthy hands,” you retaliated and he ignored your snide remarks as he continued to assault you while kicking the sides of your feet apart to make the stance of your legs wider.

You uncomfortably shifted at the feeling of a firm dent rubbing against your back. The feeling was all too familiar and you knew what exactly it was, but this wasn’t the right place nor the right time for it.

“Jaehyun, let’s just talk this out. This is clearly sexual harras-”

Before you were able to complete the sentence, your mouth was blocked with a balled-up piece of cloth. Jaehyun grabbed the waist of your dress pants, attempting to pull it down. Underneath him, you thrashed around, in an effort to avoid his filthy actions. But you failed miserably. Jaehyun successfully pulled down your pants alongside your panties. You were now shamefully, bent underneath him, with your lower half exposed to the coldness of the room.

A shudder ran through your body, erupting goosebumps on the smoothness of your skin, when Jaehyun ran his fingers down the middle of your back.

“I’m going to fuck that little bitch attitude of yours out of this place, so you’ll cooperate to my demands and tell me where the motherfucking flash drive is.”

With that, he pushed in a digit to your dripping cunt, curling it inwards and pumping it in and out. Jaehyun menacingly watched as your squirmed underneath his grip. When your thighs started shuddering, he felt you getting closer to your release. Quickly, pulling out his fingers, he smirked when he heard your sniffle at the denied orgasm. He was the first man to touch you back then so he was fully aware of how exactly to turn you on. Once again, he pushed in his digits, this time three at once and watched as you tried your best to silence your moans. Just as he did previously, Jaehyun pumped it in and out at a much faster pace. You whined as he constantly curled in his fingers, hitting the perfect spots inside your warm cavern. Right as you were about to cum, he pulled out his fingers with a smirk on his face.

“You thought I’d let you go that easily?” he asked in a mocking tone as he slipped the balled piece of cloth from your mouth, waiting for an answer from you.

You felt ashamed for being turned on at his torment.

“Jaehyun, let’s talk this out,” you pleaded as tears slipped down your bruised face.

“There’s no talking, Y/N. I need the place. That’s all.”

“I don’t know the place.”

“Don’t fucking lie to my face.”

“I’m telling you the truth,” you tried again. Your attempt to change his mind on letting you go was getting harder, because Jaehyun was acting spiteful and you were not able to knock some sense into him at all.

He nodded his head a couple times, vexed at your behaviour and reached out to unzip his pants. From the upper corner of your vision, you could see a terrorizing smile creep his face. He was enjoying your frightened state. As your worst fears began turning into reality you screamed for help. Not that it did any justice to the state you were in, but you hoped Jaehyun would at least pity you and avoid abusing you in the most shameful manner.

“Jaehyun please- You know this is not right,” you begged as streams of your despair ran down your face.

All you heard in return was the ruffle of his pants pooling around his ankles. Jaehyun’s low groans as he touched and fondled with your skin made you wither away from him. You were unable to process how the exact same man who had touched and made love to you in your own bed was now treating you much worse than anything you could ever describe.

At your wits end you screamed again, trying to grab someone’s attention, but Jaehyun was quick to mute your mouth with the same piece of cloth he had used on you earlier. The balled cloth in your mouth didn’t help at all. You felt your throat go dry as you continued screaming. When Jaehyun was done slicking up the juices that were drooling down from your cunt he prodded his reddened tip in your entrance. You knew it was going to hurt, because he was always too big for you. Biting into the cloth in your mouth, you also made sure to grip onto the belt that were tied around your wrists. Jaehyun watched as your knuckles, that were pressed onto his stomach at a painful angle, turned white from the tightening grip. His smirk only widened.

Grabbing the nape of your neck, he made your body arch back as much as it could. You groaned as you felt your cramped back twist painfully. Leaning in, Jaehyun moved over to your ear and grazed the lobe of your ear. Despite your attempt to move away from him, you couldn’t, because of the tight grip on the back of your neck. Something you had enjoyed earlier was now a nightmare that was being carried out by a person you once cherished.

With a low huff, Jaehyun pushed himself into your unwelcoming walls. You groaned into the cloth and squeezed your eyes shut. When he pushed his shaft all the way into your warm cavern, he stayed in for a while, trying to get back the feeling of the familiar walls squeezing around him after quite a time. When he slowly inched himself out of your cunt, you let out the breath you had been holding back, but that was cut short when Jaehyun pushed himself in almost immediately back into your throbbing cunt. You let out a gasp and Jaehyun took that opportunity to remove the piece of cloth and insert his pointer finger into your mouth.

“Dare think of biting me and I’ll stab you” Jaehyun warned.

Right then you felt the tip of a blade pointed at your hip. You shivered at the feeling of the cold steel against your skin. As he pumped his hardened cock in and out of your pussy, his hand did the same actions to your mouth. When your breathing started becoming unstable, Jaehyun knew you were edging closer to your orgasm so he pulled out his shaft.

“You thought I’d let you cum, huh?” he derided you.

You simply nodded your head side to side, in revulsion. Chuckling at your pathetic response, Jaehyun pulled his finger out of your mouth and ran it over your blouse. While he unbuttoned the buttons of your cotton blouse, his other hand snaked under, over to your clit and ghosted over the sensitive bundle of nerves. You squirmed, in an attempt to avoid his fingers from touching your sensitivity. But Jaehyun wasn’t going to let you go that easily. He pushed his finger onto your clit and started rubbing slow circles over it.

You bit into your lip, in order to keep yourself quiet from the harassment he was subjecting you to. As his rubbing turned much harsher, you came closer to your edge. This time he let you have your orgasm. A sigh of relief slipped past your lips as a warm flow of your juices spilled down your thighs. You shamefully lay still, praying that this was the end of his torture.

“I haven’t still got an answer from you, darling,” Jaehyun murmured as he continued rubbing circles on your bundle of nerves.

You stuttered, trying to answer him, “I-I-I said I-I-I don’t k-know.”

A slap to your cunt had you answering him again in desperation for him to stop overstimulating you,

“I really don’t know!”

“I know you’re lying to me,” Jaehyun continued. With each slap, you winced internally and pleaded in your head that Jaehyun would actually realise you were saying the truth.

“Please Jaehyun-”

Before you could finish your sentence, he plunged his dick right back into where it was earlier. You let out a moan at the sudden stretch. He placed a hand on your hip, holding your squirming body in place and the other toying your delicate mounds. Disgusted by his hands that were touching and toying your breasts, you yelled as much as you could.

But Jaehyun kept pumping in and out of you, ignoring your cries. And when he was closer to his high, he pumped into you even faster than before- almost at an animalistic pace and then released a gush of warm white liquid into your womb. As his movements subsided, so did your screams. All you did now was let your sobs echo through the dimly lit, cold room.

Jaehyun stepped away from your body and zipped his pants. Then grabbing your dress pants, he pulled them up and turned you around harshly to button up your blouse. He was aware that you didn’t have much energy to move around, so he untied your hands and watched them fall to your sides as he buckled his belt back into place. The bruises on your wrists were enough proof to show how harsh he had been on you.

“Sweetheart, are you enjoying this, because I still haven’t got an answer from you-”

A loud slap had him shut his grinning mouth.

Before you could hit him again, Jaehyun had your arms locked with one of his. This time he wasn’t playing nice and you knew you had messed up. All the exhaustion and the panic had made you slap him without thinking twice but you knew you’d be in trouble the moment your hand had touched his face.

Your attempt to remove yourself from his grip was futile. Which then led to a scuffle between the two of you. The obviously stronger one between the two of you gaining advantage over the other. With one hard push, Jaehyun had you against the walls.

“Jaehyun-n-n…” you choked, trying to sputter out your words while scraping his tattooed hands, “I can’t-t-t. I can’t. Can’t. B-B-Breath.”

The said man took one look at your pale face and undid his hands from your neck. You fell onto the floor while taking in huge gulps of air.

Jaehyun nonchalantly walked over to the corner of the room and grabbed the long-forgotten gun and loaded the bullets. Then walking over to the desk, he grabbed the knife and slid it into one of the specially made pockets in his pants. It hurt the way he didn’t even look over to you, just to make sure whether you were doing alright.

“You shouldn’t have treated me like that,” you muttered to him.

Jaehyun turned back at your hoarse voice. After all the screaming and the struggling your voice sounded exhausted. He looked at your bruised body and the loose clothes that hung around you. He had taken away every last inch of dignity from you. Did he feel guilty, though?

“My job comes before anything or anyone,” Jaehyun simply replied back.

With that, he turned around ready to leave the room.

“Let me ask you one last question,” you spoke and Jaehyun turned around once again and nodded his head signalling you to ask your question, “Did you really love me when we dated back then?”

Squaring his jaw, Jaehyun gazed at you. A gaze you couldn’t figure out. You watched him, yearning for a reply. A positive one that would put the ache in your heart to rest. Jaehyun opened his mouth to reply or rather state what he wanted you to know,

“If you don’t tell me where the flash drive is by dawn, I’m shooting off all their heads.”

Your heart dropped.

So that’s all your relationship meant to him- a mere mission and a good few fucks.

•••

A/N: this was painful to write. but, since this is my very first jaehyun fic i’m proud of myself. hope you guys were okay with this as well~

#jaehyun #jeong jaehyung #jeong yuno #nct jaehyun #nct 127 jaehyun #jaehyun smut #jaehyun ff #jaehyun fic #jaehyun fanfic #jaehyun fanfiction #jeong jaehyun smut #jeong jaehyun ff #jeong jaehyun fic #jeong jaehyun fanfic #jeong jaehyun fanfiction #jeong yuno smut #jeong yuno ff #jeong yuno fic #jeong yuno fanfic #jeong yuno fanfiction #nct jaehyun smut #nct jaehyun ff #nct jaehyun fic #nct jaehyun fanfiction #nct 127 jaehyun smut #nct 127 jaehyun ff #nct 127 jaehyun fic #nct 127 jaehyun fanfic #nct 127 jaehyun fanfiction #nct 127 smut

[vad-hander]

LET’S KEEP IT SECRET

pairing: Yuta x reader

others: Jaehyun as y/n’s best friend, SM Rookies

genre: series | idol!au | smut | angst | fluff

warnings: idol!nct, idol!y/n, y/n is underaged in the beginning, from SM Rookies till today

words: 20k

PART 1 | PART 2 | PART 3

-

Your mom always found it important to let everyone she talked to know how much you loved to dance, how much you enjoyed singing. She always found it important to not let that go away, always found it the biggest goal in her life to make you happy, to make you someone she could always be proud of. 

Since you were 3 your mom took you to music school and when you were 4 you got accepted to a dancing school. Shuffling singing, dancing and actual school when you were 8 made your life insanely difficult. Every day you went to bed you cried yourself to sleep after your mom gave you a good night kiss and turned the lights off. You just wanted to be like your school friends, you wanted to play at the playground after school with them, you wanted to spend time with that boy Soonyeon from your class that you liked, but the only thing you were doing after your last lesson was over was going to another school and then going back home. To do math homework you struggled with, to learn new melody on the piano for the end of semester show. 

You could not remember what it felt like when your neighbor suggested to ask your mom to take you to an audition to her work, when you were 14. Probably it was a very exhausting and tiring thought, you looked back at it. 

“You practically got scouted in front of your school, this is big luck. I’m glad we kept in touch with Yuri, I didn’t know she worked at SM Entertainment.” Your mom couldn’t stop herself talking even for a second placing dinner in front of you. 

“Where’s dad?” you chimed in getting a disappointed look from her. You shouldn’t interrupt her when she talks, you beat yourself suddenly. 

“He’s being late, now dig in.” she placed a bowl of rice in front of your face and you did it happily, munching on pork and rice. “This is a great opportunity, I always knew I’ll see you shine on stage, now it’s just the perfect time. All of the hard work I put in you will finally pay off.” 

“Mom, it’s still an audition, even if Mrs. Ong asked me to come, it’s an audition. I might not pass. I didn’t, two years ago at JYP, if you remember.” you sighed at the memory of not passing. 

“You worked hard, you lost weight and your face got prettier since back then, you’ll be just enough to get casted.”

“Mom!” you exclaimed feeling tired of her being this way. “Don’t.”

“It’s a good thing you got prettier, otherwise all of the work not only me, but you put in, would’ve gone to waste.”

“I don’t want to be prettier, I don’t want to lose weight, I don’t want to go to that stupid school to sing those stupid songs, I don’t want to dance to those songs they make me to. I just want to make friends, I want to be normal.” you jumped up from the table. 

“What else do you want?” she chuckled sarcastically at you making you furious. 

“I want to date that boy I always liked, I want to do everything my classmates do. Do you know that Hyejin has a boyfriend, she sleeps with him too? And me? I don’t know how to speak to guys because the only man I talked to was a 60 year old pervert who always caressed my thigh right next to my underwear whenever he helped me with stretching. I don’t want anything you’re making me do. Because of you I fucking hate singing and dancing, maybe I should’ve let that old bastard rape me so you’d get back to your senses?” 

“Watch your mouth, Y/n.” was all that you mom said. You threw chopsticks that you held on to tightly through your speech unconsciously, running up to your room. 

You were 14 and fucking hated every second of your life. 

“Y/n, sweetheart, it’s dad. Can I come in?” his soft knocks made your heart warm. You closed the book you were reading and called him to come in. “Hi baby, how are you doing?” he sat on your bed and extended his hand to caress your hair. 

“She already told you I’m a disgusting human and you’re here to tell me I’m grounded for a year?” you sighed and looked away. “As if it makes any difference, I’ve lived my entire life as if I’m grounded.” you chewed on your cheek. Silence that fell over your room wasn’t an awkward one, your relationship with your dad was always different. You always wondered how he ended up loving your mom, but then always came to conclusion she probably tricked him into this marriage, and to be fair, you wouldn’t be surprised if she actually did. 

“Come here.” his fingers tapped the bed right next to him, and you squeezed your body right next to his, hiding your face in his chest. “I know everything you feel, baby. I know you’re traumatised with your mom’s parenting style, and everything that happened due to that…” you heard him sigh and wondered if he thought about the time you told him about your weird dancing coach. “I always tell you that kids that aren’t allowed to do things usually are the most rebellious ones. And I know that you’re rebellious by nature, you’re my baby girl.” he chuckled and you couldn’t hold back a smile. 

“I am.” you mumbled quietly. 

“I don’t find it wrong that you want to spend your time with friends and boys in particular, I’d be happy you brought a boyfriend home one day.” you nodded, wondering where he leads this to. “But we both know, moms not going to let you drop everything. She never told you this, right? It was her dream, she spent her entire childhood trying to get in one of the entertainments, everyone refused her, and then there’s you. She put in so much work since the day you were born. She thought through her plan for your life the first week she found out you’ll come to our lifes. Please forgive her, she just lost her senses when you got scouted by JYP.” 

“They just asked me to come to an audition, refused me too. I feel like she lost her senses when I was around 4.” he chuckled and pulled you closer. 

“Maybe, but it gave her hope that everything wasn’t worthless. That she put in work in you that will pay off. More importantly, you put in so much work, nerves and your entire life to get in. If you put aside your mom, don’t you love to dance, sing, doesn’t it make you happy when you come up with melodies on your piano?”

“It makes me happy when I see your proud eyes at the result of my work. It makes me happy when you sit down with me at the piano and come up with melodies too. You’re the one that helps me to get through difficult days, I don’t know what I’d do without you dad.” 

“Oh, baby, I didn’t expect you to say something like this.” you giggled and raised your head to look at him. 

“Let’s pretend that I said something you expected.” you leaned back “What would you reply?” 

“I was thinking you’d say you like all that you do and I’ll tell you that going to that audition will most likely help you to get out of the cage you’re in. If you’ll pass, another life is going to be right before you. I know for sure you’ll love it. No mom, no music and dance school. You’ll meet people your age, no matter what the outcome is you’ll get extraordinary experience. I usually don’t ask you to do things but I’m asking you to go there. I’m asking you to go not with the same intentions as your mom, I’m asking you to go because I believe in my baby. Your dad caressed your hair and looked you in the eyes. 

“Okay… I’ll go.” You nodded after giving the thought a few minutes. “But take me there, come with me, not her.” 

“Of course, I’ll come if it’ll make you feel better.” 

“Thanks dad.” you wrapped your hands around his neck “I love you.” 

“I love you too baby. Any ideas with what you’re going to audition?”

“Hm, I’ll think that through.” you chuckled. 

-

“Do you want me to come in with you or is it too embarrassing to come to an audition with your dad?” 

“It’s not.” you smiled shyly “but I’d appreciate you not coming.” he chuckled and nodded understandingly. 

“I’ll park my car over the corner and will wait for you at the cafe across the street, okay? Call me if you won’t see me.”

“Okay, dad.” you bobbed your head and undid your seatbelt. “I’ll go.” you smiled.

“No matter what happens, I love you and trust in you.”

“Thank you, dad.” you forced a wider smile and leaned in for a hug. 

“Good luck.” you could feel him watch as you ran into the building. 

“Excuse me, which floor are auditions?” you asked the security guard at the entrance and he led you quickly to the elevators, pressing the fifth floor for you. 

“One of the scouts will meet you at the floor, good luck!” you nodded and gulped while the door was closing. 

“Don’t worry, Y/n, it’s fine. You’ll either kill it or embarrass yourself, both are experience, it’s fine.” you squeezed your fists and stared at your reflection in the elevators door. 

“Y/n, hi!”

“Mrs. Ong, you’re here?”

“Of course, I scouted most of the boys and girls in here today.” you pursed your lips, looking around “Sit down there, I’ll call for you later. And, good luck, Y/n.” 

“Thank you!” you sat down onto the free seat next to a boy around your age. 

“You’re here for the audition?” 

“Of course.” you turned to look at him. “Why else would I be here?” 

“To support someone maybe.” he chuckled and ran his eyes quickly from you onto the floor. “I’m sorry, I’m nervous and talk silly.”

“It’s your first time?” 

“You mean the audition?”

“Well obviously, not like I’m asking you if it’s your first time talking.” you chuckled and he looked you in the eyes shyly. 

“Yeah, it is. It’s not yours I assume?” 

“I had one before, not much experience.” 

“Still more than none, I guess that’s why you’re talkative.” he played with his fingers nervously. 

“That’s my coping mechanism. I’m scared shitless. If I’m passing I’ll hopefully be happy and if I’m not… well, mom’s going to eat my brains out.” pursing your lips your eyes met his. 

“You’re very pretty, and outgoing it seems, I’m sure they’ll like you.”

“Thanks, but talent is what matters. I don’t want to be a pretty doll, I want to be someone worth it. Worth time put in to train me and worth the time of people that could possibly watch me on stage one day.” 

“You’re… you’re unique. With the way you’re thinking. Everyone just want to get in here no matter what but you’re different, it’s nice of you to think about things like that.” he smiled. “I’m Jaehyun, by the way.”

“I’m Y/n.” you gave him your hand to shake. “How old are you?”

“15.” you nodded and looked away. “And you?”

“14.” 

“You look much younger.” 

“You mean childish?” 

“No, I mean you look… pure?” he chuckled. 

“Maybe I am pure and this is my chance to unwind.” you played with your eyebrows and looked at him expecting his answer. 

“Y/n, come with me, it’s your turn.” suddenly Mrs. Ong’s voice made you turn your attention to her and stand up quickly. “I trust in you.” she smiled at you and lead to the door. 

“Good luck.” Jaehyun spoke when you stood up. “Hope to see you next time as trainees.” 

“Right back at you.” you smiled and paced behind Mrs. Ong. 

-

“Text me every day before you go to bed. Don’t forget to keep the diet, train not less than 2 hours a day.” your mom spoke monotonously, putting the shirts, that you purposefully left in your closet, into the suitcase. “Don’t talk to boys and focus on work. Do everything they want you to do, don’t talk back and be the good girl you always were.” 

‘Don’t talk back at her. Two hours. Just two hours before freedom comes.’ you repeated a mantra in your head.‘Keep quiet and nod.’ 

“You hear me, Y/n? Keep away from boys, they’re not good in general and especially when they’re at the dorm all alone with you.” 

“We’re going to live on different floors, mom.” 

“Still, we should have a conversation about… sex.” you rolled your eyes and held back a smirk. 

“What you want to tell me about it? Details?” 

“Y/n! I’m not going to let you leave.” 

“Why? No worries mom, if I’m getting a boyfriend, I’m going to let you know about it fourth.”

“Fourth!?!” she exclaimed loudly. 

“Me, him, dad and then you.” you forced a sarcastic smile.

“You’re definitely not going anywhere.” 

“Honey, please, let’s be supportive. Our daughter’s leaving to Seoul for god knows how many years.”

“You’re right, you’re right.” she nodded quickly. It always surprised you how the tone of her voice changed when she spoke to him. Could she possibly love him more than you? 

“I trust you with anything you’ll decide to do. I know you’re responsible and I know you would never make mistakes or anything that I’ll disapprove of.” he pecked your forehead and looked at you “Just during your award speech don’t forget to thank me, okay? Something like ‘I’d like to thank my dad who always took my side’. Okay?” 

“Of course, dad, I’ll call you every day, okay?” you bit onto your lower lip to prevent from crying. “I love you.” you sobbed into his shoulder. 

“I love you too, baby. I’m going to take your luggage into the car.” his hands let go of you and you watched him disappear behind the door. You walked around the room, staring at every corner of it to keep something in your memories. 

“Y/n, I beg you, condoms.” you chocked on air, walking closer to the woman you called your mom. 

“Are you possessed?” you chuckled and stood right in front of her. “I’m going to miss you, no matter what.” you smiled and pulled her in a hug, wrapping your hands around her shoulders. 

“Good luck.” she sighed and broke off the hug. “Now go, no tears, it’ll make your eyes puffy when you’ll arrive.”

“Okay.” you nodded and left the house. 

-

“This is your room, you’re going to share it with another girl. She’s not here yet. This floor is girls floor. You’re lucky there’s not that many girls, the guys have four people in a room.” you nodded and sat down on the bed. “The rules are as simple as ever. Singing and dancing practices are 6 days a week, multiple variations of lessons are going to be suggested to you next week at the general meeting. Your school transfer papers are ready so you’re all good to go to Seoul’s School of Performing Arts. Wednesday’s are your day offs from practicing. Try to study properly, if you’re going to debut we’ll help you with school. We’ll provide the floor with nanny that’ll cook for you, any other food is prohibited. Your phone is going to be taken from you to completely concentrate on work. You can always come up to your manager if you need to call your parents. No late night outings or anything like that, all of you will be looked after carefully. First of all, almost everyone here are minors, second of all it’s about discipline. If you work hard it’ll pay off with rewards and debuting too. Good luck and take a good rest, you have busy days ahead. Okay?”

“Okay.” you nodded. “I love it here.” you smiled widely. 

“Good to know. Don’t feel too lonely, some girls are coming within the week. Three floors lower is boys dorm. You can get to know them for the meantime.”

“I’ll take some rest.” you smiled and felt nervous at a single thought of going to boys floor all on your own. 

“For everyone to feel more or less at home, for upcoming two weeks we’re planning dinners for everyone to attend. At 6 today the manager will pick you up to meet everyone either way.” she smiled and turned on her heels to leave you on your own. 

-

“I heard there’s only one girl at the dorms yet.” a guys voice made your heart stop. 

“I wonder what she’s like.” The other one replied.

“Maybe not too young.”

“Hopefully.” the voices of the boys made it seem as if they were not much older than you. They laughed hysterically at whatever was said afterwards.

“Worth a shot or not.” someone giggled.  

“Shut up, you nasty dickheads.” you hit one guy with your shoulder, walking past them blindly. 

There were not more than 10 boys in the hall of the building and they all walked behind you when the manager signalled to follow her. You walked into the bus first, sitting down onto the seat that seemed to you the most attractive. 

“Walk past.” you could see a guy trying to sit down with you in the reflection of the window. 

“I’m… ugh, I’m not one of the guys who talked about you. I’m… Jaehyun.” his voice made you confused and you turned around immediately to take a look at him. “Do you remember me? The guy with dumb questions at the audition.” he smiled sincerely and you chuckled. 

“Jaehyun, I remember.” you smiled. 

“Nice knowing you passed.”

“Are we competitors now or what?” you made a low giggle and squinted your eyes. 

“I’m not sure we’re bound to fight for one spot. I’m sure you and me are designated to different gender groups.” 

“Okay, you can sit with me then.” you tapped the chair and he lowered his body next to you and stared at the window once again. 

“I came two days before you. They’re nice, just hormonal… like everyone here, I guess.” he giggled but stopped quickly seeing you unamused. “I mean it, everyone’s just goofy because practicing didn’t start yet for neither of us. Don’t take it too seriously.”

“I don’t care, it’s whatever. Why do you care?” you turned your head to look him in the eyes. 

“Because you’re the person I know the longest out of everyone here.”

“Weak convincing skills you have.” you chuckled annoyed and looked away. 

“What do you mean?”

“I mean that you can just tell me if they sent you for whatever. I’ll get it, I had friends at school who hung out with older guys. They told me what boys are like.” 

“Oh, no, no. I’m not sent, no girls are here yet, I feel obliged to keep you company.” 

“Thank you, Jaehyun.” you smiled and he lit up visibly. 

-

“I wish with all the advances they give us they’d hire people to carry us home after exhausting practicing days too.” Seulgi laughed at your comment and laid her back next to you. “I mean, I had school today and speech class and then vocal lessons for 3 hours and now we’re here. I’m not able to lift myself up from this floor.“

“We have to stand up and get back or we’ll get a strike for coming back home later than allowed.” Irene sighed and sat up next to Lami.

“Girls, hold up, boys manager will come in a minute.”

“Why?”

“No clue.” your coach Chaerin shrugged and waved goodbye at all of you. “Bye.” 

“It’s kind of weird. They usually never want us to cross paths.” 

“Maybe they’re debuting?” All of you looked at Seulgi. 

“That’s not possible.” You shook your head in disbelief, concentrating at one imperfect floor square in the room.

“Hi, everyone.” you raised your head to see the manager lead in the boys like little chicks. You chuckled to yourself at the thought and smiled widely the second you noticed Jaehyun. “Everyone please take a seat.” 

“Hi.” he whispered and bumped shoulders with you on accident while sitting down. 

“You know why we’re all here?” you whispered into his ear and he shrugged not knowing. 

“Okay y’all. All of you here are lucky enough to be picked out as first introduced SM Rookies.” you could hear excited noises all over the room. “I’m going to name your names to make it more official: Irene, Seulgi, Lami, Y/n, Taeyong, Ten, Jaehyun, Mark, Yuta, Jeno, Jisung, Hansol, Johnny and …” she paused and glued all of your attention to her. “And Johnny, yeah, that’s it.” she nodded and raised your head at all of you. “All of you are going to be introduced to the public through the month of December.” 

“December?” boys behind you sighed loudly and you turned around to look at them. 

“Wait, who’s that? I don’t know them. Yuta, Jeno and Jisung never heard those names before.” you leaned in closer to Jaehyun and he gladly moved closer to you. 

“They’ve been here for at least two months or so. Someone’s been really busy to not even notice new people.” he teased and you elbowed him. 

“December is so soon.” Lami said out loud and had everyone’s attention on her. 

“Oh, my bad.” the manager coughed and ran her eyes over the room. “December of next year. You have over a year to become perfect in every way possible. Please consider the fact final list can be changed due to many reasons. And more importantly, this doesn’t guarantee your debut.”

“How come?” Johnny sighed out loud. 

“You’re only going to be introduced as SM Rookies member, not more than that.” 

“It’s still cool.” Seulgi told him quickly and looked away. 

“I doubt it’s cool for Johnny, he’s been training since forever.“ Jaehyun whispered into your ear quickly.

“I hope for your cooperation guys’, don’t share this information with the rest of trainees yet. We’ll announce it to them later on. Even though I just told you it doesn’t mean you’ll debut, it really is a big step, so I hope you all will work hard. Good luck and as a bonus, all of you are allowed to come back to the dorms at midnight tonight. Come downstairs, there’s a small party organised for you.” she smiled and moved her head in her usual movement that signalled that she was done. 

“Can’t we go back home and change clothes? I’d like to look nice for a party.” Lami made everyone chuckle and then disappointed when the manager shook her head no and all you 13 very sweaty but very happy teenagers moved your tired bodies in direction of the first floor. 

“Don’t obsess over him.” Irene’s hand laid over your shoulder quickly. 

“Over who?” you raised a brow at her. 

“Jaehyun. He’s a nice guy I agree but I can tell you have a crush on him and he totally doesn’t.”

“What makes you think I have a crush on anyone? We’re friends, and actually, we’re friends only because he spoke to me first.”

“I’m just saying this because…” 

“Because you’re old and experienced?” 

“Oh, shut up.” she chuckled and pinched your shoulder. “It’s because we really have no time now to cry over broken hearts.” 

“I know, I never had time to cry over broken hearts.” 

“I’m sorry.” she caressed you quickly. 

“No need, even thought we’re all busy, I’m still happier than at home and have more spare time than at home. Everyone here are working for the same goal as me, so I’m only happy to be around people who understand.” 

“Just please, consider my words.” 

“He’s a friend, a friend who happens to be a boy, no more than that, okay?” you hugged her with your arm over the waist and the both of you entered the practice room on the first floor that was turned into a party space. 

“But how come you never saw them before…?” Jaehyun appeared out of nowhere behind your back when you stood silently staring at new boys. 

“Got my eyes set on you only?” you chuckled and regretted saying something like that, maybe it’s a bit too much you thought the next moment. 

“Same goes for me.” he chuckled and put his hand over your shoulder. 

“I was kidding.” you rolled your eyes and looked at him to see his face. 

“I know, I think in the past six months I learned to sense that. I was just playing along you loser.” you chuckled and looked at him. 

“Sometimes I think I’m all grown up and practically old, but then I look at Irene, or even Seulgi, Johnny, Taeyong and realise that we’re probably little kids in their eyes…”

“We’re probably old in Jisung’s eyes though.” his high-pitched chuckle made you smile

“How old is he?” 

“10.”

“What?” you choked on your coke. 

“Everyone were surprised when they found out.” 

“Hi.” you looked around and found one of the guys you haven’t met yet next to you. “I’m Yuta. My korean bad, sorry.”

“Hi, I’m Y/n, if you want to, we can speak in English?” 

“Okay.” he nodded and extended his hand to shake yours. “I believe you’re pretty.” he continued to speak korean. 

“It’s nice of you to say that.” you smiled shyly and pressed your body against Jaehyun’s. “I’m surprised we haven’t talked before. When did you come here?”

“I study korean for 6 months now. I come to Korea 2 months ago. I win SM competition in Japan.” you gave him a smile. 

“You’re really good already, you’ll probably beat me soon if you’ll continue studying.” 

“I need more korean friends.” he smiled “I have to be perfect in December.”

“I’m sure you’ll be perfect.” you bowed at him lightly and excused yourself. 

-

“Are you okay?” A guy sat down in front of you when he noticed you cry. You hid your face in hair, sitting in the corner of the practice room alone. “Difficult day?” his hand caressed your shoulder and you raised your head to look at him. 

“No, I’m fine.” you shook your head a no and hoped it’ll be enough to make him leave but he didn’t move. 

“Someone who’s fine isn’t crying on the couch in the corner of a practice room like that.” you stared at him in disbelief.

“Your korean is insane.” you said amazed “i can’t wrap my head around how quickly you learned it” you laughed suddenly, thinking of what you said to him almost a year ago. “Didn’t I say you’d get better than me.” 

“You’re joking, it’s a good sign.” he smiled at you sweetly. “And you’re literally saying this to me every time I talk to you.” he chuckled shyly “Half a year left, didn’t I say I have to be perfect.” you nodded and wiped the tears off your cheek. “Tell me what happened? We were told to look after our younger trainees, you basically have to tell me what’s up.” he hit his shoulder with yours to push the truth out of you. 

“It was my birthday last week.” 

“I know, we threw you a small party, didn’t you like it? I thought Wendy said you’ll love everything she prepared for your birthday?” 

“It’s not the party.” you sobbed “Its the outcome. Our manager, she said I’m fat, she said it’s because I had too much food and I should never eat ever again even if it’s my last day in earth. She said she’ll ask nanny to not cook for me and she’ll check my weight herself every day. If I won’t lose it in a month she’ll get rid of me in no time.” 

“She probably joked, maybe she was in bad mood and you got under her hand.” Yuta wiped the tear on your chin and you flinched at the touch. 

“No, she was serious for sure. She dragged me to check my weight for the past three days, the only thing I ate was water and one small seaweed piece and it’s only different to hundred grams. She just said I’m useless and she’s probably right. Maybe I should leave company.”

“What? No, no, no. You were born to be here if someone needs to go then it’s her.” 

“Thank you for listening.” you stood up “I should get back home before I get a strike or something.” 

“Let’s go together.” he invited and you had no reason to decline. 

“She got especially mad because I fainted…” you whispered when the both of you walked slowly to the dorms. 

“What?” 

“We practiced the dance for 7 hours straight and I don’t know… I just felt dizzy and then fell. Irene said I dropped dead and she thought I died of heart attack or something. Chaerin called for help and everyone was scared and only our manager shouted at me for being an attention sicker, for being weak. I’m just not used to not eating, I’ll get used to it and then it’ll be okay, I’ll be fine with water only.” you smiled at him and kept on walking when he stopped. “What’s up?” you turned around to face him. 

“That’s not normal.” 

“Huh?” 

“What she wants from you is not normal. You’re beautiful, there’s no way she thinks you have weight to lose. She’s probably bullying you on purpose.” 

“Why would she do that?” 

“Because everyone likes you, people are here to support you, she doesn’t want that, she doesn’t need favourite’s in here.”

“I’m sure it’s not like that.” you shook your head in disbelief. 

“Come on.” he extended his hand to you and you took a minute to grab onto it unsure. “There’s street food on the way to the dorms.” he finally said couple of minutes after dragging you behind him. 

“I don’t want to.” you tried to stop on your heels but it seemed useless since Yuta didn’t even turn around to look at you. “Yuta, please.” you whined when you could see ajummas with food in a short distance. “I’m going to get in trouble, so much trouble, please don’t.” you were debating whether shedding tears right now was a great idea. 

“Two corn dogs and teokbboki, please.” he smiled at the lady and gave her money. You couldn’t work out where he had money from. His eyes ran over you and your face expression probably terrified him. “It’s food, not poison, just eat once with me, please?” Yuta leaned in and hugged you over the shoulders. “I won’t tell anyone and it won’t affect anything, tomorrow is our day off, isn’t it? We can go to a  hike and walk it all off, okay?” he smiled at you reassuringly and you knew you’ll look like a fool if you’ll refuse. 

“Okay.” you nodded and watched him take the food. “I have school tomorrow though.” 

“After school, I’m sure it’ll be okay if we’ll go after you finish.” 

“Yeah” you smiled with your lips drawing a thin line. 

“Now eat.” he pulled you towards a bench at the park you walked through on your way home and you sat down happily, feeling more than tired from all the practicing. Yuta took a corn dog out of the bag placing it in front of your mouth. Your hands raised automatically to take it from him but his hand pulled away, not allowing you to. 

“Bite.” he said quickly and you laid your fingers on your thighs, extending your neck to take a bite. He smiled proudly at you when you chewed and took a bite himself. “Are you from Seoul?”

“No, Ilsan. My parents live there, but I was actually born in Jeju.”

“Island girl.” he smiled and you shivered unknowingly. “I’m from a small town in Osaka.” He sighed and cicadas deafened the silence between you. 

“We never actually spoke properly.” you said suddenly. 

“I know, you’re usually with girls or Jaehyun…” he took a visible breathe in. “You two are dating, right? Did you tell him our manager bullies you?”

“Oh, no.” you laughed loudly. “We’re not. He’s the guy I met at my audition and he spoke to me when we became trainees because I was the only girl for a couple of days and he felt bad. We just kept on talking to each other, but we aren’t anything besides that…” 

“Oh, I’m sorry for saying this.” he widened his eyes and took another bite of the corn dog. “Finish this one.” you munched onto the corn dog while he looked you in the eyes quietly. “You’re just pretty, I thought Jaehyun took you the second he had the opportunity. Don’t think anything, it’s just a thought.” He chuckled noticing you look at him confused.

“Okay.” you nodded “He had no opportunities though.” you chuckled, finishing the food Yuta gave you. 

“How come?” 

“I’m fifteen and clueless to it all, let’s put it this way. Maybe it’s for the best actually, the less you think of being liked by anyone, liking someone and things like that, they’re taking so much energy, I don’t know how to cope with these things.”

“You’re silly.” he extended a rice cake on a toothpick to you and you sucked it into your mouth with a loud pop. “Still breathtaking though.” he said almost inaudibly. 

“Huh?” you looked at him confused but instead of repeating himself he forced you to chew on another rice cake. 

“So you never dated anyone?” 

“No.” you chewed and forced him to give you another rice cake. “Why are you so into this topic?” 

“I’m just trying to keep up the conversation.” he chuckled. 

“And did you? Date someone?” you thought your question through again and quickly stopped chewing. “You’re 19 this year and a football player, I’m sure you did. Let’s ask the question the other way, have you dated someone since you came to Korea?” 

“No.” he smirked at you for a long time. 

“Why?” you picked a rice cake by navigating Yuta’s hand and placed it in your mouth. “I kind of feel bad for all of you, there’s over 20 young men in one dorm, I’m sure y’all are in need of personal space and many more things and they’re not giving you any of it.” 

“Aren’t you in the same situation?” his fingers pushed the hair that got into your mouth to the back. 

“There’s only 8 of us and we’re girls.” 

“What’s is that supposed to mean? You don’t need personal space?” he chuckled and took a couple of rice cakes into his mouth. 

“How many times did you see your neighbours jerk off in secret?” you turned to face him properly noticing how he grinned like an idiot at you. 

“Quite a few.”

“See, and I never did because we’re not obsessed with something like this. That’s why I feel bad for you boys.”

“What’s your solution?” he looked amused by your words but you didn’t care about it. 

“Stop being filthy animals?” you chuckled and he laughed out loud. “Irene always says to not expose too much skin or hormonal boys from three floors under will rub their palms to blood at night.” he laughed so hard you had to take the food from his lap in case he gets it all over himself. 

“She’s quite a handful.” 

“She tells me to not talk to any of you.”

“Because she sees you’re beautiful and naive.”

“But all of you are practical losers, I mean… none of you hold any kind of danger towards any of us. I mean, the biggest harm you could make is jerk off to images of us if you have enough fantasy.” 

“You’re funny, I like you.” he smiled at you heartwarmingly. 

“You’re nice company, I like you too.” 

“I’m glad to hear it.” he leaned closer and pulled back all in a span of a second. 

“I think it’s better we go, I feel like it’s pretty late.” he agreed and stood up next to you, walking in a slow pace a step behind. “You know what I think of sometimes? When we’ll debut, or more likely if, we debut, what would our lifes be like? Will we be able to be with people who we love? Have kids? Or is it going to be all work until the day we die? I can’t help but wonder if everything we’re trying to reach so hard is a curse or a blessing?”

“Maybe it’s both.” 

“God, please, if debuting is a blessing, allow me to date Oh Sehun from EXO, god please, I’m not asking for much, just a handsome boyfriend like him to be mine.” you stretched your arms out and raised your head up to the sky, and asked loudly. Yuta stood beside you laughing. 

“You’re still a small silly child.” his hand pulled you by the shoulder towards the dorm. 

“God, please remember, Oh Sehun.” you laid your palms together and finally looked back down to walk. 

“Isn’t he like old.” 

“He’s maybe 20.” you nodded. “I don’t think I’ll debut any time soon so maybe I’ll be of age just in time.” Yuta chuckled again and the both of you got home in a great mood. 

-

“Y/n, hey.“ you raised your head when Yuta’s familiar voice called you. “Come here.“ He gestured with his hand vigorously, attracting attention from Lami and Irene that you sat next to. 

“What he wants?“ Irene squinted her eyes at you quickly. 

“How could I know, it’s not written on his forehead.“ you chuckled and crawled towards him, Johnny and Jaehyun on all fours, feeling too tired to stand up. “What?“ you spoke smiling, when you raised your head and found all of them smiling at you. “What happened?“ You cleared your throat and sat between Johnny and Yuta, crossing your legs. 

“That was just funny way of walking.“ Johnny chuckled and looked at Yuta.

“Is everything okay?“ You turned your head to look at Yuta while he was talking. 

“Yeah, why?“ you looked at him confused and hoped your face expression would let him know you didn’t want to talk about anything you told him last month in front of these guys. 

“You ate lunch, right?“ Your eyes ran around the room to avoid his concerned gaze, your head bobbing positively in reply. 

“Why are you asking? I’m always having all of my meals.“ you smiled at him with the sincerest smile you could give him and looked at Jaehyun. “Does he ask you the same things?“ 

“Me?“ Jaehyun chuckled at you amused. 

“I was just hoping I’m not the one he wants to nag on, I guess I’m wrong then.“ You sighed and stretched your arm out to Jaehyun. “Want to walk home together?“ His fingers held you tightly, giving you support to stand up.

“Yeah, I’m almost done for today. Johnny, didn’t you want to go ask our manager about home leave?“ 

“Yeah, let’s do this now.“ Johnny jumped up quickly and Jaehyun did too. 

“I’ll be back in a minute, okay?“

“Okay.“ You nodded satisfied at him and watched Jaehyun get up and leave. When the door behind Johnny closed you didn’t dare to move your eyes to Yuta, feeling how he kept his face directed at you, probably burning a whole in your face with his eyes.

“I’m not surprised.“ He said suddenly and stretched out his legs, finding balance with his palms against the floor behind his back. 

“What is that supposed to mean?“ You turned to face him.

“Don’t act all proud when it’s unnecessary.“

“Maybe I am eating, maybe I am not, how do you know? Don’t act like you know everything about me just because you saw me upset once.“

“Dodge Jaehyun.“ 

“What?“ You chuckled at his proposal. “Arrogant.“

“I meant dodge Jaehyun and I’ll get you food if we’ll get back home together.“ Yuta switched his sitting pose, trying to reach out for your hand. 

“What is the under text?“ 

“I don’t want you to die or get sick, is that enough for one?“

“I’m eating, stop. Focus your brain on something else. It’s sweet of you and all that, but I don’t need anyone to baby me.“ You shook your head and looked away, moving your body a few centimetres form him. 

“Y/n, I’m sorry.“ He sighed and reached out for your hand. 

“Don’t.“ Irene’s voice hovered over your head and punched Yuta. Metaphorically, of course. “If she doesn’t want you then it’s time to grow brain to accept it.“ 

“I’m not trying to make her want me, she’s just…“ Yuta sounded sarcastic and you knew that this was a crucial mistake. 

“Then don’t reach out to her when she visibly moves away.“ You couldn’t understand why she got all worked up.

“She’s not under your control…“ you find it kinda funny how Irene didn’t let Yuta finish a single sentence, always chiming in half way. 

“She’s not under your control either! Think if you’ve been beating around the bush for a while you’re allowed to do anything?“

“What the fuck are you talking?“ Yuta looked furious, standing up and the urge to laugh inside of you faded away.

“You two, please stop.“ You stood up too to attract their attention more. “It’s a misunderstanding.“

“So you want him?“

“What?!?“you exclaimed. “Irene stop thinking every person who I talk to is somehow romantically involved with me. Just stop, I’m serious. I don’t you babying me, it’s embarrassing, when you do that. We were having a conversation, not related to being attracted to each other in whatever way. Why are you always keeping an eye on me? Are you obsessed? And you?“ You turned around to face Yuta. “You think I need your help? Advice? Support? No! You all just have a sick obsession of babying me and it’s not fine at all, go get a child together and take care of it, if the two of you are so focused on it!“ You turned your face to the door when you could hear Jaehyun’s laughter, running towards him quickly, catching him right at the entrance of the room. “Let’s go home, now, okay?“ His eyes ran over the room confused and returned to your teary ones. 

“Sure, let’s go.“ He nodded quickly and took your palm in his in reassurance. “What happened?“ Jaehyun asked in a while, after your fingers slip out of his. 

“You’re the closest person out of all of them for me.“ You granted him a shy smile. “What you think of me?“

“You’re the closest person out of all of them for me too.“ 

“It’s not what I meant.“ You shook your head and looked at your shoes.

“Oh, I’m sorry, what did you mean?“

“I think it’s better if I leave. I want to leave.“ You met Jaehyun’s eyes after a long pause.

“It’s not far, let’s just walk quickly.“

“I mean leave company.“

“What?“ He stopped on his heels. “Because of Irene and Yuta?“ 

“It’s too much stress, I don’t think I should be here, maybe I’m taking someone’s place.“

“I’m sure you don’t, they chose you. Weren’t you named trainee of the month like 6 times?“

“Seven.“ You corrected him quietly, forcing a low giggle out of him. 

“See, that never happened to me and I’m not dropping everything I’ve already achieved.“

“It’s because there’s only 8 girls and over 20 guys, competition is harder.“

“Don’t say that about your achievements.“

“Jaehyun…“ you shook your head. “Go back to the dorms.“

“No chance I’m going there without you.“ 

“I’m just going to walk around the city a little, I promise I’ll come back.“ You rubbed his arm reassuringly. 

“You say I’m the closest person for you and don’t even invite me… I’m offended.“ He shook his head and made a hurt face expression on his face.

“I don’t want you to get in trouble because of me.“

“I’m not going to let you get in trouble alone.“ 

“Stubborn.“ You smiled at his persistence. 

“Learned it from you.“ 

“Let’s go.“ You grabbed his palm and pulled him to go with you. 

“Where to?“ he asked excitedly and you chuckled at him.

“Dorms. If we’re going to sneak away like that, we’ll totally get busted.“ You sighed loudly hearing Jaehyun laugh behind you. 

-

“Did you…“ you cleared your throat and it gave Yuta time to turn around to face you “Did you get your ticket home yet…?“ He looked at you confused and you didn’t blame him. Not a single sigh towards him in almost a month and there you are talking to him all of a sudden all by yourself. 

“Why?“ 

“I… I thought you’re leaving…“

“Why does it matter even if I am?“ He squinted his eyes at you and you felt hurt, but moreover you felt like you deserved it. 

“I just thought you’re going to fly back home, I thought you’re hyped about it, that’s it…“ he looked at you with no emotion and continued to eat his rice. “I wanted to say I’m sorry earlier, but I was scared you’ll refuse me… You were just kind towards me and I’m an ungrateful bitch.“ You perched your lips when Yuta took a glance at you. “I never had friends, I don’t know how to take their kindness… my only friend in the past 14 years was my dad, because my mom constantly terrorised me to everything she couldn’t do in her life. I only made friends when I came here. You, and Irene too, just worried too much, I know. I’m sorry…“ you sighed and looked at your knees. Yuta kept on eating his rice with spam as if you were non-existent. “Can a have a bite?“ You caught his attention when he raised a piece of spam to his mouth. “You heard me, I saw you flinch. Now feed me.“ You moved closer to his body, pressing your thigh against his and opened your mouth with a sound as if you had your throat checked up. He turned his head to the side and bit onto his lip not being able to hold back a smile. The next second you were chewing onto the meat. “Rice too.“ He snorted at you but placed the spoon in your mouth regardless. 

“Why didn’t you leave?“ The sound of his voice in an empty kitchen made you shiver. It was too long since you heard him talk and you couldn’t hold back a smile when you heard his voice. 

“You’re saying all of the boys left?“ You turned to look at him excitedly. 

“I said nothing like that.“

“Oh, maybe it’s Jaehyun who told me.“ You stole Yuta’s chopsticks that he laid on the table and munched onto his food quietly. 

“Did all the girls leave?“

“No, Wendy’s here.“

“Oh, okay.“ He nodded “Everyone else left, you’re right.“ he inhaled and looked at your mischievous smile. 

“It feels like we’re in Harry Potter and everyone left for the Christmas break and we’re the only ones left because I have nowhere to go and your family went away.“ Yuta laughed at you. “It’s actually fun, except for the fact its autumn and they only let us leave because it’s possibly our last chance to breathe in fresh air as simple humans.“ 

“My flight is tomorrow night, you should go back home too. Isn’t Ilsan near Seoul?“

“It is, but I don’t want to.“ You looked away from him. 

“You told me your dad’s…“ you interrupted him the moment you got an idea.

“Hey! We’re all alone in a gigantic apartment. We can do literally anything. Let’s do something nasty.“ You made a movement with your hands all the villains did in movies, thinking of what possibly you could be doing.

“What is nasty in your opinion?“ Yuta’s eyes ran over your face.

“Show me Jaehyun’s room.“ his laughter was probably heard by Wendy three floors above you.

“Why?“

“I’m going to leave a note on his bed that he’s a stinky poo.“ 

“Very nasty of you.“ He shook his head as if he agreed but you knew for sure he faked it. “Maybe it’s better we watch something and call it a day.“ His fingers took the chopsticks from you. 

“Show me your room then?“ You asked mindlessly. 

“Oh no, it’s my private space.“

“Yeah private space of you and three more guys.“ Your feet made you stand up quicker than your brain worked. “To the left or to the right?“ You asked and looked for his reaction but he didn’t give you any. “Okay, I’ll start from the left. I’ll have to inspect all the rooms to see which one is yours.“ You wiggled your eyebrows and moved in direction of the first door. 

“And how are you going to find out which room is mine?“ his laughter confused you, you wondered if you randomly found out which was his on the first try. 

“The pillow always smell like its owner.“ you opened the door quickly and felt weird. Maybe it is wrong to go over all of their rooms while they’re obscene. 

“How exciting it must be to smell over 20 pillows, huh?“ You turned your head around at him and chuckled. “Don’t be surprised if there’ll be a weird rumour about you later on.“ 

“I have a feeling I’m in your room, you’re too nervous.“ You turned around when you could hear him approach. He leaned onto the door frame with his arms crossed over his chest. “Is that your bed, should I start my inspection?“ You wiggled your nose at him and turned away to look for signs. You bent to see maybe on the wall next to the lower bed they had something stuck on the wall or something, but there was no sign at all. Your heart dropped to your feet, when you felt Yuta bump into you and grab you by your elbows, making you stand with your back close to him. “What? It’s yours?“ You couldn’t sense him get serious, laughing still.

“I’ll show you the room, fine.“ You clapped your hands, feeling Yuta tug you to walk in that position before him. “But you’re going to guess which bed is mine. If you’re wrong…“ he gulped above your ear “then you’re going back to Wendy, okay?“ you laughed at his conditions but agreed nonetheless. His hands let go of you the moment you stood in front of the first door on the right. You laughed at yourself for actually thinking you guessed at the first try and reached out for the handle, opening the door and walking in quickly. The gut feeling of yours told you Yuta would probably pick his bed on the lower level of the bunkbeds they had in each room. Lowering your head to see for any signs of the boy that stood behind you. 

“I’ll lay on the bed I think is yours.“ You sighed and stood in the middle to intrigue him or whatever. You probably looked idiotic and regretted not having Haechan around you for moral support. When it felt like you should make up your mind you laid onto the left bed randomly, you tried to seem confident, even though you chose it cluelessly. Yuta chuckled at you and walked in your direction. “I am right, right?“ You asked excitedly and looked at him, sitting up. 

“Hm, what if I led you to the wrong room on purpose?“ His smirk made you realise how foolish you were to believe him, sighing in disappointment. “Close your eyes, I’ll let you know.“ You did as he wished, feeling his body weight on the mattress next to you. His hand brushed against your thigh and you made a weird noise, shivering at the unexpected feeling. Yuta’s bright laughter filled the room and you couldn’t hold back from smiling. The silence ate you alive and it felt like forever since he sat down.

“Don’t tease, I want to know.“ You could feel him lean in and you perked up your ears, excited to hear the answer.

His breathing seemed heavier than usual and you wondered if it only felt this way because you never had his face this close in such silence. You bit onto your lip and wanted to look at him to scold, when he reminded you once again to keep them closed as if he could read your thoughts and you nodded. His body shuffled and the moment after your insides dropped down to your butt. His fingers ran through your cheek carefully, gently placing his fingers behind your ear, leaving his thumb to caress the soft flesh of your cheek. He pulled your face towards him in a quick but very careful motion and now his breathing made you feel hot. You gulped and found your throat dried out.

“Do you think you’d feel wrong if I kissed you?“ His lips were right in front of your ear, brushing against it from the way his lips pronounced specific letters. Your hand grabbed onto his arm unconsciously and he eased his featherlight hold in case you wanted him to let go. You shook your head a no. “Do you… Can I kiss you then?“ He noticed your eyes flutter “Don’t open your eyes yet.“ he sighed and ran his thumb over your cheek.

“I…Yes“ You whispered breathless. He made you feel hot, he made your heart beat in your ears and you just felt like staying in this position forever, right until the moment his lips laid gently atop of yours and you felt like you might’ve experienced a stroke. You couldn’t hold back a light gasp when his lips moved against yours and suddenly the embarrassment hit you like a rock. You wondered if he forgot you never kissed before or if he thought you at least knew how it worked but the fear you experienced from this proximity made all your inner senses numb. If he’d decide to ask you your name right now you most likely won’t be able to find an answer.

“Are you scared?“ He moved his face away just enough to be able to talk. You barely found strength in you to shake your head no and felt his lips in the corner of yours, pecking. “What did you feel then? Open your eyes.“ His nose brushed against your cheek forcing all of your insides to do a flip. “Did this make you excited?“ You nodded quickly and Yuta gulped in a smirk, running his fingers through your hair. “I’m glad, I’m glad I can make you feel excited.“ He smiled sincerely and leaned in once again to lightly brush his lips against yours.

“I’m sorry I’m not good enough.“ You mumbled under your breath when Yuta’s hand angled your head differently.

“Mmh, it’s not true.“ He took a deep breath in, connecting his lips to your jaw. “If you like me too, it’s more than enough.“ Your fingers finally let go of his arm when he blew onto the wet spot on your neck, you couldn’t believe how heavy it made you feel in your lower stomach, grabbing onto his shoulder for support.

“You like me?“ You asked him as if it wasn’t clear enough already. 

“Yes, since the first day I saw you from afar. I wanted to tell you I want you to be mine but I had no idea how to say anything in Korean except a simple hi.“

“Has it not been over a year since we’ve known each other?“ You looked at him confused.

“At first I thought you dated Jaehyun and then… then I realised I’m not as cool to do that. I just thought being friends is better than being ignored by you in case you turned me down, but not now, not when you lay in my bed.“

“So it is your bed?“ You smiled proudly.

“You silly girl, I’m trying to confess my feelings to you.“ He smiled at you sweetly and pinched your cheek.

“I just… I don’t know what to tell… nothing like this ever happened to me.“

“You can say that you like me too, or that you don’t. Anything is fine.“

“This room is too warm…“

“It isn’t, you’re just too worked up from me.“

“Don’t get your hopes high, it’s just warm here.“ he chuckled lowly and kissed you once again. “And I never kissed before, it’s only natural to get nervous, no matter who it happens with.“

“Okay, I agree.“ He nodded and moved back from you and you felt like you did something wrong so you caught his hand with yours.

“But you made me feel warm here.“ Your eyes glued his while laying his hand on your lower stomach. “I feel it because I’m attracted to you.“ You said quietly and moved your face in front of his. “Promise to make me the greatest kisser?“ You bit onto your lip and couldn’t help your heart from fluttering when he smiled back at you.

“I’ll try my best for you, baby.“ He laid your lips atop of yours once again and you couldn’t hold back your excitement.

-

“Jaehyun-ah!“ You exclaimed excitedly and waved at your friend. It’s been the longest in past two years you haven’t seen him. 

“Hi.“ he dropped his body on the seat next to you and looked at you weirdly. “Why are you looking at me like that?“ He squinted his eyes at you and made you chuckle. 

“Did you enjoy spending time at home?“ 

“We went on vacation.“ 

“I envy you!“ You sighed and looked at your hands that were laying on your knees. “You should’ve asked me to go with you! It must’ve been nice!“ You hit his arm playfully and leaned in more to look him in the eyes.

“Didn’t you go home? I would’ve taken you with me if I knew you want to.“ You made a cute sound, wrapping your hands quickly around his shoulders. Your head rested against his shoulder, while your eyes watched the door carefully. 

“Did you see Yuta?“

“Yuta?“ his arm that crawled slowly onto your waist let go of you, and you sat back up.

“Yeah.“

“Why?“ he seemed surprised and you tried to remember if you two ever spoke in front of Jaehyun.

“He said he’ll bring Japanese sweets for me, so I’m wondering if he’s back or not.“

“Oh, okay.“ Jaehyun nodded and turned to watch who entered the room “I don’t know actually if he’s back, I didn’t see him yet.“

“Didn’t see who?“ Ten sat down on the right to Jaehyun and stared at you. 

“Yuta.“ You said carelessly and sat deeper into the seat. 

“Ask John, they’re sharing room.“ Ten looked at Jaehyun probably thinking he was the one who searched for him. 

“Why everyone’s late?“ You tried to switch the topic, counting people in the room “There’s like half of us… Did you see new trainee’s by the way? 

“No, not yet.“

“I met the girl that came this week, and a guy Donyoung, he said he came 2 weeks ago but I never saw him when I was at the…“ you almost said at the boys dorm but stopped yourself halfway. 

“When you were where?“ Jaehyun’s attention was caught on you and it made you feel nervous. You couldn’t come up with anything that you could say.

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry.“ Irene, Seulgi and Wendy ran in quickly, sitting themselves in the same row with you. 

“Where did you three go after practice?”

“Oh…“ Seulgi sighed and you would lie if you didn’t sense something weird in the way they looked at each other.

“We ran into Sooyoung, trainee girl we run into sometimes in the practice room, remember? We chatted a little and lost track of time.“ Irene chuckled and caressed your knee in reassurance. 

“Oh, yeah. I heard she’s going to debut in that girl group they talked about.“ 

“Huh?“ Wendy looked at you confused “You heard about it?“

“Of course.“ You smiled widely. “I so wish all of us will get into that group. It’s going to be so much fun to debut together.“ You could feel your heart beat faster at a single thought of debuting. 

“I know, so much fun.“ Seulgi smiled back at you looking away when Irene gave her a look. 

“Oh, manager’s here.“ Ten pointed out and made everyone shut their mouths. 

“Seems like everyone’s here, great.“ She quickly ran her eyes over the tops of your heads and you couldn’t help but wonder how is that enough for her to recognise all of you. 

“I’m sorry, Yuta is actually not here yet, I heard his flight is pretty late.“ The manager sighed disapprovingly at Johnny and paused. 

“Well, he should’ve planned everything so he would not be late to an important meeting with everyone. Didn’t I say that everyone should be back by 5?“ Your eyes ran over the floor. 

“I’m sure if there was an earlier flight, he would’ve came in time.“ You whispered to yourself madly, not finding enough courage to say something aloud. 

“I’m sorry.“ Yuta ran into the room quickly, trying to catch his breath and you almost jumped up from your seat for whatever reason. Your eyes followed him quietly, watching him pick an empty seat way too far for you to watch him comfortably. He breathed heavily and tried to keep quiet at the same time, while the manager stared at him furiously but all you could think about was him turning his head to find you, but he didn’t. 

“Do you understand that allowing all of you to go back home is a huge bonus? It’s a privilege we gifted you as payment for your hard work. What next? Going to be late for schedules? You do realise that there’s over 10 people waiting specifically for you? Do you understand that staff at schedules is not going to wait for you like all of us did here? You’re a no one and will always stay as no one if you’ll keep this disgusting behaviour.“

“I’m sorry.“ he repeated again and lowered his head. 

“Foreigners like you always seem to think they’re needed here when in fact it’s you who needs us so next time find your lost conscience and get here in time. Maybe you forgot that I can get your Japanese ass out of the Rookies list? Out of the whole company too?“ You bit onto your lip so hard you could feel it start bleeding.

“Please stop.“ You cried out loud and Jaehyun grabbed your hand harshly to keep you quiet. 

“Y/n, you have something to say I see?“

“We’re not dogs.“ You stood up and noticed how everyone had their heads lowered.

“Y/n, please sit down.“ Jaehyun pulled onto your hand, whispering to you same three words.

“You’re the only manager that treat us like dogs. We are humans, some of us are probably much better than you are, that’s why you’re bullying us.“

“Get out.“ 

“Y/n, please say you’re sorry and sit down.“ Irene whispered to you too. 

“I will gladly leave and go to Lee Soo Man or whoever there is you’re scared of. I’ll go and tell them.“ You pushed Jaehyun from you and walked quickly towards the door. 

“If you’re leaving this door don’t even dream of ever debuting in your entire life.“ She spoke as if she put dots between every word in her sentence. You turned to face the room and got caught up in Yuta’s stare. He lowered his head like everyone else but still was able to look at you from under his forehead. Barely visible movement of his head and you lost your confidence in a second. He didn’t want you to go and he showed it once again with his head movement. “Sit down now and I’ll pretend you never opened your mouth.“ You could sense her fear, if she didn’t feel threatened by you she would not act this way, you just had the feeling.

Yuta’s fingers tapped an empty seat next to him in a swift motion and you quickly sat down next to him, not feeling like crawling over all those people back to Jaehyun. You knew it was embarrassing, making a scene and backing away is embarrassing. You couldn’t hold back tears that prickled your eyes, wiping them quietly while pretending you were listening to the manager’s speech.

“You’re idiotic.“ Jaehyun ran to you with the speed of lightning. “What if she would’ve done what she promised?“ He scolded you in front of everyone. The manager left but everyone still felt pressed down to their seats not knowing if your idea to tell someone about her bullying is a great idea or not. 

“So you disagree with me?“ You stood up to face Jaehyun properly “You think I’m wrong for saying we’re not dogs? All of you, right? Scared for your asses to be dumped out of here. I’m the only one who’s not afraid then, sweet. A whole bloody room of pathetic losers!“ You shouted and felt even more pathetic than you thought they were.

“No, Y/n, I agree with you… but there should be a better way to this than blowing up in the middle of the practice room.“ Johnny spoke out of all of them.

“Y/n, let’s think and work this out peacefully.“ Taeyong suggested from next to you. “I agree with you, what she said to Yuta is not how she should talk to us. It could’ve been any of us.“ Jaehyun rubbed your arm and hugged you from behind with his arm, his other slipped down to hold your palm. 

“He’s right. We need to go back… school homework is not going to disappear on its own.“ Jaehyun pulled onto your hand.

“Are you okay?“ You asked Yuta carefully, leaving Jaehyun ignored.

“I am.“ Yuta nodded and closed his eyes “Japanese ass and foreigner are actually the nicest insults I’ve heard from her.“ He chuckled and looked you in the eyes as if he heard something funny.

“I’m sorry.“ You glued your eyes to the floor, wishing that people around you disappeared, wishing that there was only Yuta and you, wished that he’d kiss you the way he did it two weeks ago, that evening, before he left back home. There wasn’t a night when you went to bed and haven’t thought of the kiss, there wasn’t a day you didn’t think of hugging Yuta, because the sudden realisation you never even hugged him pained you terribly. 

“Let’s go?“ Jaehyun pulled onto your hand making you upset with the fact punching him right now would probably look weird. You looked around the room and noticed how almost everyone have left to dorms, except a small group of people.

“Hey, I thought we can tell you, we’re having something like a little party in our room since everyone’s back and there’s only a month left. Want to come too?“ Mark said suddenly and you looked at him confused.

“It’s just me, Mark, Johnny, Yuta, Taeyong, Jaehyun and you, if you’ll come.“ Hyuck added quickly.

“Can you please bring Koeun with you?“ Mark said suddenly, forcing giggles out of all of you.“

“If she’’ll agree, okay, I will.“ You smiled and nodded.

-

“Where the two of you are going?” 

“Mart, need anything?“ Koeun said carelessly to not draw attention. 

“Are you two not scared of getting scolded?” Wendy asked impressed. 

“Koeun got sent money from parents, she wanted to buy sweets for our choreography teacher.” 

“Yeah, I did.” she nodded quickly and Wendy shrugged, opening the door to her room. 

“What if she’ll decide to check on us in fifteen?” 

“Wendy don’t care big time.” you rolled your eyes and waved Koeun away. 

“Okay.” her head bobbed as you two exited the apartment, heading straight to the stairs that would take you three floors lower. “Why you didn’t invite other girls?” she asked jumping onto each stair. 

“Because it’s a secret party. Mark probably invited me last minute because he wanted me to…” you squeezed your eyes at her in a second. “D’you like anyone?” 

“Like in what way?” 

“Would you kiss anyone?” 

“Y/n, what you’re saying!” she made a high peached sound and slapped your shoulder. “Would you?” she asked a moment later and a smile you gave her could only be called as an embarrassing one. “Did you already?” she jumped up holding onto your hand in a painful squeeze. 

“I…” you opened your mouth to speak but got interrupted but Koeun. 

“I just KNEW you and Jaehyun are the cutest couple ever.” 

“What?” you chuckled and pushed her off your shoulder. “I never kissed Jaehyun.” you rang the bell and the door got opened way too quickly for you to not have a jump scare. 

“Jaehyun what?” Taeyong asked as he met you with his wide eyes smiling. 

“I’m wondering if Jaehyun will sing the song with me.” 

“What song?” you couldn’t understand why Taeyong got so invested in your made up story,  so you just bent to undo your converse that you wore specifically to walk the stairs because they looked the most decent with your outfit. “We should be quiet, we didn’t tell anyone. It’s in Yuta’s, Johnny’s, Marks and Donghyuck’s room…” watching you undo your shoes. 

“What do you have for drinks and food?” Koeun asked excitedly. 

“Not much, I didn’t actually check what they brought.” his head turned away when all of you heard a thud on one of the doors. “Shit.” he whispered and froze, you froze too but then thought maybe it’s better to grab Koeun’s hand and run towards the room. You did so and opened the door loudly, making all of the boys freeze. 

“Got scared, losers?” you smirked and moved out of the way when Taeyong entered the room too.

“How… how did you know which room is Johnny’s room?” he stared at you confused. 

“I heard noises coming from them, you don’t need to be a genius for that.” you bumped your fist into his shoulder lightly and met with Jaehyun’s eyes. He stretched out his hand and you took it gladly, sitting down by his side. You couldn’t help but beam at the way Mark shyly invited Koeun to see next to him. You met eyes with Johnny, who looked more like a proud dad and you had to break eye contact when Yuta moved next to Jaehyun. You looked at him and almost said hi, only to notice that his eyes lazily brushed past you. You felt like someone pinched you and turned to look at Jaehyun who’s smile only grew bigger when his eyes met yours. 

“What was the initial plan for the party?” you whispered into his ear like you always did. Jaehyun’s hand slid down your body to find support for him by resting against the floor next to your side. 

“I don’t know.” his nose hit your cheek on accident and the both of you laughed loudly. 

“Johnny, what’s the plan?” 

“Chatting, music and I actually brought ton of food.” he stood up and his tall figure was enough to grab a bag that hid from your eyes on the second level of the bunkbed. 

“I thought you guys have something stronger.” Koeun said quietly looking at Johnny. 

“What you mean by that?” Mark tried to keep the volume low too. 

“Alcohol?” she blinked multiple times. 

“Aren’t you like… 14?”

“You’re 13.” she fought Donghyuck for some reason and you turned away the moment their fight got even more pointless and even more heated. 

“Want to eat something?” your head shook a quick no at Jaehyun and you looked at your knees. You’ve never been to such a party before but you were pretty sure it could get on the list of the lamest gatherings of 2013 for sure. “I have a lot of board games in my room.” Jaehyun cleared his throat to talk louder. “If anyone wants…”

“I want.” you nodded quickly and he stood up, leaving your back without support from his arm. 

“Anyone else?” your eyes ran over the room of unamused by this idea teenagers. 

“Ugh… I guess you can bring them and we’ll see.” Taeyong suggested and you perched up your lips. 

“Can you help me? There’s quite a few.” you agreed and stood up next to him, exiting the room and following him behind. 

“Who do you share your room with?”

“Taeyong, Jeno and Hansol.” 

“They’ll feel uncomfortable, I’ll wait outside.” 

“Okay.” you nodded and stood next to the door like you were on the watch. Jaehyun took quite a few minutes and you wondered if he got in trouble. Your head immediately turned to the right when you could hear the designated party rooms door open. Yuta walked towards the entrance quietly, not giving you a single glance. 

“Come with me.” his voice was emotionless while he put his shoes on. 

“I’m waiting for Jaehyun.” 

“Come with me.” he repeated monotonously.

“Where to?”

“Mart, come on, put your shoes on quickly.” his hand pulled you towards your shoes and you began to put them on. 

“But Jaehyun…” you whispered as you tied your shoe laces. 

“Y/n…?” he finally exited the room with a whole lot of board games with him. 

“I…Yut…”

“She’ll help pick food at the mart, don’t worry I’ll bring her back to you quickly.” Yuta tugged on your forearm and you exited the apartment while staring Jaehyun in the eyes apologetically. 

But as soon as the door closed, there wasn’t a single thought of Jaehyun left. Your head turned into Yuta’s direction in anticipation but instead of catching Yuta’s eyes in response, you were met with the back of his head. His hand let go of you to press the elevator button and the two of you stood quietly next to it. 

“Why did you ask me to come…?” you broke off the silence when the two of you weren’t far from the designated shop. If it didn’t weigh on him, it totally did weigh on you. You couldn’t guess he’d want to act quiet after the kiss you shared, you couldn’t wrap your head around it because every time you’d get any sort of reminder of Yuta you’d feel fireworks of excitement in your chest. 

“To help me pick food at the mart.” his fingers wrapped around the handle and he opened the door, letting you to come in first. “You can choose anything you’d want to eat. Anything you and Koeun would want to eat.” he corrected him quickly. 

“Why?” 

“What do you mean why?” Even his sarcastic laughter and smile made your heart sink. 

“We don’t want anything.”

“It’s a lie. Come.” his hand pulled you to the beverages stand. “Juice, coke, soda?” you lowered your head and shook it. “Go pick, don’t make me annoyed.” his hand laid on your shoulder and squeezed it. “Come on.” he said softer and you thought to yourself that maybe it’s his way of showing care. Maybe with food he wants to let you know he likes you the way he meant it that evening. Your fingers reached out for two grape tasted sodas. “You can take more if you want to.”

“Shouldn’t we take some back for the boys?” 

“I’m not obliged to buy them shit.” he chuckled.

“Can I take one more, for Jaehyun?” 

“Yeah, sure.” he nodded and watched you get the drink. 

“Do you not want some?” 

“I’ll take what I want, don’t worry.” he bobbed his head at you and pushed you to walk forward, by laying his palm on your back. “Do you want snacks?” 

“Just take anything you’d like.” 

“You’re eating, right?” he looked at you, taking packs of jelly and crisps. 

“I am, stop asking this every time. I didn’t tell you because I wanted whole world to know.” 

“Okay.” his nod made you believe the topic was closed and sealed for a while. 

“Can you take those shrimp chips? Jaehyun loves them.” 

“Yeah.” he nodded and the two of you kept on walking around the shop. Yuta forced you to get ridiculous amount of snacks enough for two shopping bags, that each of you carried back to the dorms. You slowly moved your feet not knowing how to ask Yuta questions, how to get the weight on your shoulders out of your chest. He opened his mouth as if he could hear your thoughts, speaking. 

“Are you, by any chance… in love with Jaehyun?” 

“I thought we were past that.” you sighed and stopped in front of the building. Going up would mean you two are going to get back to all your friends. “I thought you know who I like.” 

“You’re always talking about him, I was just thinking there’s a chance you had feelings for him deep down of you.” 

“Why?” for some reason it sounded like Yuta was upset at your reply. “I… I was thinking of you… all those days. I was thinking when you’d come back how could we sneak away. You asked me to go with you and I thought because you missed me too and maybe wanted to kiss me… but I don’t think you did think of any of it.” 

“Y/n, I did think of you and the kiss too…” he finally took a look at you and you took a step closer. 

“I think I do really like you.” you whispered and stood on your tiptoes to match Yuta’s height. 

“That’s what I wanted to talk about when I asked you to come with me.” his fingers held onto your shoulder and he forced you to step back. “I think this is kind of wrong. I know I initiated all of it when you just wanted to see my room, but I think I lost my senses and I should say that I’m sorry.”

“Sorry for what?” you furrowed your eyebrows. 

“For getting your hopes high. There’s too many boundaries for all of it to go on.” 

“I don’t understand what boundaries you’re talking about.” your eyes blinked quickly and you couldn’t believe you were feeling hurt as much as you did right now. 

“You’re literally 15. I don’t know where was my brain, but I’m not going to seduce a fifteen year old to be with me.”

“Didn’t you say you like me? From the first day…?”

“I do like you it’s just that we’re not going to work out right now… you’re technically a child, I’m really sorry. I didn’t want to hurt you, but I think it’s the best way. I still want to be your friend, I still want to take part in your life and I…” 

“So I’m a child?” you interrupted him when your brain finally processed what he did. 

“I mean you..” you couldn’t hear what he tried to say when you felt furious.

“Oh, I’m a child, so you decided to deal with this how grown ups like you deal with kids - bought me shit ton of sweets so I’ll eat them and forgive you for whatever shit you’ll try to say? Is that why you insisted so much on buying food? Take your bag and eat it yourself! Don’t try to talk to me ever again, I’m a child who you kissed. I’m sure they’ll kick you out if everyone at the company will find out.” you shoved the bag into his chest and walked quickly inside of the building. 

“Y/n, please wait. I didn’t want to fight, I’m doing this for the better. For the both of us. You’re probably going to debut in that girl group next year and things will get messy. I don’t want us to drown, please.” 

“I don’t want to hear your lame excuses. Take what I said before as a gift for your tremendous ego.” 

“Where are you going?” he walked up the stair behind you. 

“My room.” 

“Come back to Jaehyun, he’s going to get suspicious.” you breathed heavily and could not agree that Yuta was right about it. You turned to enter the floor with the boys dorm at and waited for Yuta to open the door. He let you in first and without giving his presence any sort of attention, you took your shoes off quickly, running into the room. 

“Where did you lose Yuta and food?” Johnny asked loudly and Haechan chuckled. 

“He’s behind.” your eyes ran over the room, noticing Mark having a guitar in his hands and Jaehyun sitting with his games on the bed, sorting out cards from one of them. “Did you already play?” you say next to him and watch his fingers move over the cardboard. 

“No, no one wanted so I’m just sorting out things.” he seemed visibly upset and it made you upset too. 

“Hey, let’s play together?”

”You don’t have to pretend you want to play with me.” 

”Jaehyun.” your hand laid atop of his and he raised his eyes to look at you. ”I never lied to you and I’m not planning on starting doing so. Closest person out of everyone here, and well… probably in the whole entire world, remember?” he nodded vigorously at you and finally laid cards with characters drown on them into its place. 

”What you want to play?” Your eyes quickly ran over the boxes laying over your best friend. 

”Halli Galli? I’m not that much of board game pro.”

”I’ll teach you. I’ve always played games on the weekends with my parents, and sometimes with friends too. It’s fun and helps you to not think about things. It always helped me to get my mind off the upcoming basketball games.” Jaehyun sounded excited while saying all of these things and you couldn’t help yourself but smile at him. 

”You’re really passionate about it. There’s not that many 16 year old guys who openly enjoy board games.” You chuckled lowly and looked around to see that no one actually payed attention to you two.

”I’m not openly enjoying board games, I just thought I should bring them here for boring evenings. You’re the only one who knows my secret, shhh.” he raised his pointing finger to his lips, leaning in closer to you to giggle in unison. 

”Okay, I’ll do my best to keep it.” you sat back straight and reached for the cards, setting up the bell between you two. The game went by quickly and you couldn’t help but exclaim in pain every time Jaehyun’s hand landed on top of yours on the bell.

”Are you a slow poke?” you laughed at him when for the fifth time in a row Jaehyun was slower than you.

”You’re too quick, give in once.” He whined and once you two placed your cards, you reached for the bell and came first. 

”You’re totally a slow poke!” You laughed loudly. ”We should’ve come up with a penalty.” 

”What else do you want from me? I already lost.” Jaehyun dropped his back onto the headboard in annoyance and you couldn’t help but lean in to him to hug his disappointment away. 

”Come on Yuno-ya” you forced him to move his body when you fell next to him and hugged. ”Do you not want to hug your misery away with your favourite bestie.” You chuckled and felt his hands wrap around you for a second before he pushed you to sit back up.

”Don’t call me Yuno.” He squeezed his eyes at you and began putting all the cards together.

”Why is that?” You chuckled at his antics.

”I’m mad at you for winning, don’t try to get under my skin.”

”Now that you’re grumpy like that I’m not missing my chance to tease you.” his sigh was loud enough for the whole room to hear you. ”Yuno.” You stretched your back and met eyes with Yuta, who you’re pretty sure unknowingly sucked all of the happiness out of your chest. ”I’ll go back.” you announced aloud. ”Eun-ah, are you going to stay for a while or…?” 

”I’ll…” she gulped and you could feel she wanted to stay.

”You can stay for as long as you want to.” Yuta said to her but looked at you. 

”Okay, I’ll go myself then.”

”Come on, Y/n, stay a little longer, we only played one round.” 

”Kids should be sleeping by now and I’m a child so I should head to bed.” 

”You’re a child?” Johnny chuckled ”Who said that bullshit?” 

”Someone did.” You shrugged and walked towards the door. ”Have fun and good night.” You waved at everyone and left.

-

December came quickly, and with having your debut as a Rookie right around the corner your whole life got even more turned upside down that it already was.

Getting back to practice after your ‘privileged’ days off felt good, mood of every trainee raising at the thought of upcoming debut, so dorm was mostly filled with teenagers who’s heads were in the clouds. 

But more importantly, all of you practiced so hard the only thing you did besides that was sleep. It helped to wash away thoughts of Yuta off your head. Sometimes you’d still catch yourself going back to his lips on yours, reminiscing of what it felt like, what he tasted like, but then you just talked yourself out of it. You were crying over a crush you never even realised you had before he made a move. You were glad now that the two of you left it as it is. At the end of the day, he maybe was right, that things would get messy eventually. 

“It’s tomorrow.” you ran into Jaehyun on your way to the dorm, feeling his fingers wrap around yours. “Can you believe it’s tomorrow.” he repeated himself. 

“Why are you so nervous?” you chuckled and squeezed his hands back. “They’re just going to post our photos on Facebook.”

“Aren’t you nervous of what people will think?” 

“Should I?” you laughed at him and he let you go. 

“You’re right, I probably shouldn’t too.” he inhaled loudly. 

“I didn’t mean it like that…” You gulped and got back closer to him. Maybe you shouldn’t have shoved your fake confidence in his face, you were maybe more nervous than he was, but showing it meant being weak, and you hated being weak even if it was in front of Jaehyun only. Being weak lead you to believing that Yuta wanted you and were promising yourself to not ever show any type of weakness. “Did you film a singing video?” you asked to move his mind onto something else. “Or a dancing maybe?” 

“Did you?” 

“Ugh, yeah, last week we went around streets and they shot a quick video of me singing. I wasn’t told much but it’s for their YouTube.” 

“Nice… I wasn’t asked for any of that… what if everyone did and I’m just an outcast… I knew I needed practicing and I knew I need to…”

“Jaehyun-ah?” 

“Mmh?” he shot his head up out of trance. 

“I’m sure you’re perfect, okay?” 

“Don’t try to comfort me.”

“What is up with your self esteem?” 

“Whatever.” he waved you away and turned to walk. 

“Huh? What’s that?” you tried to lift his mood up by giggling. “Want me to hold your hand tomorrow when they’ll post it?” you hung on his hand hidden in the pocket getting outside. 

“I do.” he looked you dead serious in the eyes and you swallowed a chuckle. 

“Are you actually scared?” you asked him softly and his nod made you regret your previous laughter and stop walking. “Okay, I’ll hold your hand, you don’t have to worry. I’m always around when you’ll need it.” you noticed his ears turn the slightest shade of pink. “Come on, you’re getting cold now.” you pushed him to go. 

“I have a laptop, we can gather in our living room. Do you know who else is being revealed?” 

“I think Lami and Irene.” you took a second to remember who was on the list you checked last night at the practice room. 

“You can ask them to come too.”

“I will, but I’m not promising anything, okay?” he nodded and you hugged him goodbye, leaving the elevator on your floor. 

-

“Oh, you’re alone?” Jaehyun asked disappointed. 

“Am I not enough company, Yuno?” you squinted your eyes at him suspiciously.  

“I thought they’ll want to gather for this moment.” he chuckled and shrugged after, letting you in quickly. 

“They just…” you sighed while taking your shoes off, preparing yourself mentally for a lie. You didn’t want to tell him you never asked them to come. First and foremost because you knew Irene would most likely decline, and because you knew Lami would totally tag along. She was small, cute and irresistible and once you’d suggest you knew she’d accept, so you opted to keep your mouth shut. Not because you were against either of them coming but just because you felt like they were not allowed to see your friends vulnerable side. You just felt like you were the only one who was supposed to live this moment through with him and you found yourself enjoying the idea of barricading the two of you out of the whole wide world. “Irene didn’t want to, duh.” you chuckled, “Lami had school things to do, so yeah… I’m sorry nobody else came.” 

“It’s fine, you’re more than enough.” he smiled fondly and invited you to the living room. His laptop stood on the coffee table and the room was surprisingly quiet. You expected to not be left alone with Jaehyun, but all the guys seemed to disappear from the dorm. Your brain suddenly traveled to the other time you were in the same dorm one on one with a guy, beating air for the slightest moment out of your lungs. 

“I’m probably acting foolish…” Jaehyun sighed and propped his body on the couch. 

“You aren’t.” you sat next to him, craning your neck to look at Jaehyun. “Are we going to see what people are commenting?”

“If you want to, yeah.” he nodded and the face expression he made made his dimples visible. You couldn’t hold yourself back, pinching his cheek right the moment he focused his eyes on the laptop screen.  

“You’re acting like a baby now.” you chuckled when he grabbed onto your hand, pushing it off his face. “A big ass baby.” you commented while his fingers ran over the keyboard, opening the right page. The fear you tried to hide hit you suddenly when your eyes could see the logo of the website and you wrapped your body around Jaehyun’s arm.

“It’s you.” he said suddenly, his voice dying in nervousness. 

“And you too.” you moved closer to the screen, running your eyes over and over again through the page as if it’s going to change. 

“They look young.” Jaehyun read out loud the comment you set your eyes on. 

“What’s else in there.” you gulped and reached for the laptop, hiding the screen away from Jaehyun. “He’s handsome!” you couldn’t hide away your smile, looking up from the screen at Jaehyun who seemed to not catch what you said. “The guy is a total visual!” you giggled and hid your face behind the screen to find something else. “I want more info on him. Hm…” you scrolled through “The guy from yesterday was totally hotter.” you met eyes with Jaehyun who finally seemed to listen. “I’m sorry love, Taeyong’s hotter.” you chuckled at the way Jaehyun smiled. “I can see him be the lead vocal.” you sighed “Visual, visual, cutie.” you scrolled mindlessly through comments. 

“I don’t believe that it’s there.” he finally spoke and looked at you weirdly. 

“It’s there, look.” you turned the screen back at Jaehyun. “I want him to debut soon.” you read the new comment that popped up. “Just admit you’re handsome.” you couldn’t hold back your smile anymore. The compliments you read made you feel as if they were directed at you, for some reason knowing people liked Jaehyun made you feel at ease. 

“Let’s see what people think of your singing.” Jaehyun suggested suddenly making that ‘at ease’ feeling fade away in a second. 

“It’s probably boring.” you rolled your eyes and hoped he’d move on to something else but he didn’t and the idea of him reading out comments about you made you freezing cold. It wasn’t really the perfect time and place to realise you were deadly afraid of what people think of you, but the thing happened anyway so you had to choke on your emotions and blink away the fear. You just felt like the both of you shouldn’t be scared at the same time, and while Jaehyun already was, you found it only logical to act all tough until the day he takes the lead from you. “Okay, go on.” you rolled your eyes and raised an eyebrow at him. 

“‘She looks young.’ You really do.” you wondered if he’s going to add his cute remarks to every comment he reads. “Wow! Vocals!” he raised his eyes at you showing off his dimples. The front door made the both of your attention run to whoever entered the apartment. “Oh, Yuta, hi!” he smiled widely and lowered his head back onto the laptop. 

“Hi…” Yuta sighed and you could hear him walk in further, probably noticing you by now. “Y/n? Hi.” you didn’t want to seem weird but you didn’t want to turn around and see him either, so your pride took over and you ignored him. “What you two are up to?” Yuta’s presence made you shiver and even though you still couldn’t see him, you could feel him close behind you. You just waited patiently for Jaehyun to answer and Yuta to leave quickly but neither of them seemed to want the same thing, with the way Jaehyun turned his laptop towards Yuta. 

“I’m reading comments under Y/n’s video. We were posted today.” he smiled proudly and you couldn’t understand where that face expression came from. 

“What are they saying?“ Yuta seemed invested and you finally turned to face him only to find him leaning in to rest his knee behind you on the couch, balancing with his arm on the backrest of it. His eyes were focused on Jaehyun and you wondered if he tried to pretend you were invisible. 

“That she’s a great singer and pretty.” 

“When did they say I’m pretty?” you chimed in, moving a bit forward from Yuta. 

“I saw it somewhere.” Jaehyun quickly glanced at you. 

“Can I scroll?” Yuta moved his body more towards you when Jaehyun nodded and moved his hand onto your shoulder making you gasp in annoyance. You weren’t there to be the stand he can lean onto. “People really like you Jaehyun, I’m proud of you.” Yuta sounded genuine and you smiled at Jaehyun. You could read in his eyes he was happy with his older brothers approval. “You too, Y/n. I would be surprised if someone didn’t find you beautiful.” his eyes focused on you for a little too long before he turned back onto the screen. His body bent over your shoulder for a few more moments, standing up and leaving the two of you one on one again. 

“Who’s your favourite at the dorms?” you asked when Jaehyun was still scrolling through the comments section.

“Hm?” he looked at you puzzled clearly missing out the question. 

“Who do you think is your real friend here?” 

“You?” he asked confused, squinting his eyes slightly in confusion. 

“Nah, not me. I’m talking this floor.”

“Oh, this floor.” he closed the laptop to think the question through. “I don’t know, Johnny? I think I get along with everyone and I haven’t thought of it this way… I like spending time with Yuta, and then other guys too…” 

“You really are a baby.” you chuckled at him. 

“Why is that?” 

“I guess girls just built differently. There’s the talk who’s best friends with who, who fancies who. Who’d you want to debut with and things like that. Y’all are just chilled, I love that.” you nodded approvingly. 

“So who are you best friends with?” 

“I don’t know…” you sighed. “I thought I was close with Seulgi but recently we barely talk and I guess I’m just not interesting to her anymore…” you bit onto your lip. “I’m mostly hanging out with Koeun. Yeri too, but she’s kinda distant now too.” 

“Why though?” 

“I don’t know… maybe they just don’t like me.” you smiled at Jaehyun and he laughed loudly at your assumption. 

“I’m sure they do. Didn’t you tell me about that girl group? I’m sure all of you will debut soon. You’ll get super close once again  while preparing, I’m sure. We’ll probably get distant but I’m going to root for you no matter what, don’t worry.” his palm laid atop of your shoulder reassuringly and you squinted your eyes happily. A single thought of debuting with your friends took you to cloud 9.  

-

“Hey, hey, what’s up?” Jaehyun’s arms tried to catch you when you practically flew past him. Your feet walked quicker than you ever thought you were able to and even though you did notice him, there was practically no chance for you to give him any reaction with the way you walked. “Y/n, hey?” Jaehyun ran behind you and had to pull onto your hand when you didn’t stop even when the two of you were half way to the dorm. “What…” his mood visibly changed when he could see your face from under your cap. “You’re crying?” he asked confused. “Hey, what happened?” his voice became visibly softer and you raised your head to see him properly. “I’m confused… what happened?” he bit onto his lip while you tried to contain yourself to speak. 

“I saw the final list for the girl group. I’m not there.” you failed to speak more when another wave of tears fell over you. “I know now where they disappeared, I know why I felt left out, I wasn’t the reason, they knew all along. I thought we were friends. I was asked to come for a few practices but I knew something was off, if they said the group is debuting in August and now it’s May, and I literally was asked to come to like a practice a week. I… I don’t… I can’t believe they… I thought we were friends but they just lied into my face, said we’re going to be debuting together.” Jaehyun pulled you for a hug, while your breathing hitched terribly and you knew he could barely work out what you were saying. “They went to practice without me all the time, that’s why Irene always came late to the dorm. That bi… she lied to me when I asked her, I don’t want to sleep in the same room with her. I hate them all! I hate the company!” Jaehyun squeezed your body in his hands tighter and you felt small next to him for the first time in your life. 

“Y/n, please don’t cry so much, you’re going to have puffy eyes.” 

“You’re like my mom.” you swallowed a chuckle. 

“It’s not what I meant.” 

“I know, I know, I’m sorry.” you tried to take deep breaths but they still gave away your wish to cry. “My mom is just going to kill me, that’s it. I don’t know how to tell her.” 

“I know deep down she’s proud of you and loves you and you being here is enough for her happiness. If it’s not this girl group, it’ll be the next one. Im sure you were crossed off that debuting list because you’re too young for the rest of them. 98 right? Irene’s like 91, the rest of them around her age. You’re just a baby yet, they’ll put you in the next group…” Jaehyun’s fingers caressed your hair carefully. “Or what if their plan is to make a BoA out of you? Our generation BoA, even I’ll be asking for your autographs.” you raised your head from his chest to take in fully his effort to make you feel better. 

“I love you so much, thank you, Jaehyun. No one ever cared for me the way you do, I… I never thought I’ll ever be able to have a friend like you. Please, when you’ll find out you’re debuting, don’t lie to me, okay?” you smiled at him with a smirk. 

“Love you too, and no, I won’t lie. Didn’t we agree to never lying.” 

“We did.” you sighed and lowered your head back onto his chest. 

“Do you feel any better?”

“Now yes… but going to the dorm is just sounding disgusting. I’m probably going to fight with them if they’ll try to talk to me ever again.” 

“You know… I don’t want us to fight… but I guess it’s really not the girls fault. They didn’t decide on this… and well… I’m sure they wanted to debut with you, it’s just the company and I’m sure it’s for the best. They probably weren’t allowed to tell you.” 

“You’re right but still… I can be mad.” you lightly punched his shoulder and sighed. 

“You are, I’d be crying too if I were you.” 

“Glad to know.” you could feel his chest tremble with the laugh that escaped his throat. “Is it weird if I’ll ask you to let me stay on the couch of your floor…?”

“Probably…” he sighed looking like he thought about options. “Want to come to my house?”

“What do you mean?” you squinted your eyes. 

“My house is near, my parents won’t mind, we could probably stay there for a couple of days.”

“Together?”

“If you’re okay with it you can stay there alone…” he chuckled. “You just have to tell someone at the dorm, I’m sure they’ll notice.” 

“I’m not their priority, I’m sure they won’t.” 

“Oh, stop.” Jaehyun sighed, watching you get from his hold, walking towards the building. 

“I’m going to befriend your parents and stay at your house until the day those people move to their personal dorm.”

“Don’t act dramatic.” his hand fell over your shoulders, leading you to the building. 

“I’m still hurt and upset.” 

“I know, it’s normal. We’ll get over it, I’m sure.” Jaehyun’s hand squeezed your shoulders. “Actually, we were told we’re going to appear on some show.”

“What show?” 

“It’s something with EXO, I’m not sure yet, they just said we’re going to start filming soon and we’re practicing for it starting today.”

“Congratulations, you.” you put on a sincere smile even when you were dying inside from your own failures. 

“I wanted to tell you, before I realised you’re crying… it doesn’t matter actually, we’ll talk about it another day.”

“No, tell me, I want to know.” 

“Exo and all the SM Rookies boys are going to remake 90s songs… I believe original artist are going to come too… anyway… I feel like I’m showing off right now.” he chuckled awkwardly. 

“It’s fine, I’m serious. I love hearing you happy, it makes me feel better…” your fingers wrapped over his waist for a quick hug. “Please take Sehun’s autograph for me?” you said cutely.

“You know I’m probably going to be too scared to do so…” he sighed disappointed with his own cowardness. 

“Yeah, you’re right.” you couldn’t stop yourself from laughing at his cute face expression. 

-

“Jaehyun-ah?” your head leaned over the wall and you caught Jaehyun’s happy eyes on yours. “Hey, superstar.” you chuckled and walked closer to him. 

“Hi, fool. I’m not a superstar.” he hugged you quickly. 

“You’re all busy with schedules and I saw a couple of episodes of that EXO program… where’s my autograph?” Jaehyun laughed loudly and finally payed all of his attention to you. The living room of boys dorm was as lively as ever and you suddenly thought you two should go to yours, now almost empty, dorm. 

“We haven’t hung out probably in forever.” you propped your body next to his on the couch. “How are you doing?” 

“Glad to finally have time to rest.”

“Oh, I told you, you’re a superstar.” you looked around, watching guys doing something in the kitchen. Yuta was there too but you caught yourself thinking you didn’t care about him and turned back. 

“He’s like the most liked person on set.” Johnny chimed in and you had to look away to not burst out laughing at his face expression. 

“Anyway…” Jaehyun sighed loudly and Johnny moved his body away, giving you private space with Jaehyun, which you couldn’t thank him enough for. You crawled into the corner of the couch and Jaehyun moved next to you, looking you up. “What you’ve been up to? Lots of practice?”

“Yeah.” you nodded vigorously “This… and something else…” you bit onto your lip excitedly to not smile too brightly.

“What? You’re going to debut?” his hand laid atop of his mouth in shock. 

“No, better.” you chuckled. 

“Better than debuting is what…?”

“I’ve…” you sighed and moved your mouth closer to Jaehyun’s ear. “I’ve met someone and I think he likes me.”

“What?” Jaehyun’s eyes turned into big circles, making his mouth ‘o’ shaped. “Is it someone from the company?” he asked loudly and then lowered his head quickly to not attract attention. 

“No, it’s not. It’s someone I met at the mart next to the dorm. I dropped a bill and he gave it back to me. Funny thing I didn’t notice dropping anything, but yeah. He said he’d like to talk to me more and gave me his phone number and he’s been texting me nonstop. He says he wants to take me out soon and I’m nervous…” 

“Wait…” Jaehyun sighed and shook his head quickly. “You’re dating him?”

“No, dummy. Im telling you, he talked to me at the mart next to the dorm and asked for my phone number, I gave it to him and he texted me non stop.”

“Do you think he recognised you?” 

“Am I a TV star? How could he recognise me? There’s nothing to recognise.” you chuckled at his assumption. 

���I don’t know… how old is he?” 

“I have no clue… I think our age. He looks young… cute too…” you tried to contain your embarrassed smile at the remark you made. 

“Are you like already in love with him or something?” Jaehyun looked at you suspiciously and shook his head, moving his attention onto something else while you were coming up with an answer. 

“I’m not that easily convinced, Jaehyun. I have seen him only once, it takes more than that I guess to be in love.” 

“Okay.” he nodded and went quiet. The two of you barely spoke about such things and by barely you would probably say never before. You guessed he was uncomfortable talking about all things regarding love and the fact he kept a shroud of mystery over his feelings towards anyone you found it only obvious he let the conversation die. His tongue practically went numb whenever you tried to tease him over girls and you guessed he was more focused on getting his actual job done than you are.  

“I was just thinking… When we met and exchanged phone numbers he wanted to walk me back home because I said I live near…“ Jaehyun raised his eyebrow at you “No, I didn’t lead him to the dorm… I walked into a random building and waited until he left. I feel bad for lying.“

“Oh trust me you’ll feel worse if you’ll disclose you’re an SM Trainee living with another 100 of them in this building.“ 

“Very funny of you, Jaehyun-ah.“ 

“Where are you leading this anyway?“

“I was thinking of telling him I live at your place but it’s dumb now that I faked I live in that house.“

“Just meet him at the park or something. What’s the problem?“

“Ugh, you’re really annoying, aren’t you.“ You sighed and dropped your head dramatically on the backrest of the couch. “I’m just nervous, I was thinking we can blabber about it whatever and I’ll feel better. I never was asked out before…“ you sighed and he mirrored you. “Have you?“ 

“Have I been asked out before?“

“This, or have you asked someone out before?“

“Nah…“ He shook his head shyly his ears turn redder than tomatoes “Not many chances to get a love life while you live in a dorm with 20 other guys.“ You nodded understandingly and bit onto your lip. “Even if you’ll like him… don’t open up everything to him, okay?“

“There’s not much to open up.“ you moved your head back up to look at him “I won’t tell him anything about this, obviously.“ 

“I’m…“ he sighed “Being careful is the key I guess.“

“You’re such a grandpa and a party pooper.“ You rolled your eyes, punching his shoulder lightly. “You could’ve just said something like ‘I’m sure the date’s going to be great and the guy will turn to be a sweetheart! I’m rooting for your love life, bestie!’ 

“I’m rooting for your love life, bestie!“ He tried to copy the tone of your voice and you gave him an eye. 

“By the way, did you meet our new trainee?“

“A new trainee?“ 

“Yeah, she’s living in the room next to mine.“

“You’re still all alone?“

“I am!“ You chuckled and thought about their 4 person bedrooms “Imagine you were allowed to move into my room.“

“I totally can’t imagine my life without living with three other guys now, I’m sorry.“ You shook your head at him amused.

“Hey love birds, want to watch a movie?“ Johnny moved closer to you two once again.

“Hey, she’s got a boyfriend now.“ 

“You what?“ Johnny raised his eyebrows.  

“Shut up! I don’t!“ You whined at Jaehyun loudly, raising visibly volume of the conversation. The boys tried to keep the teasing between you three but now your whine attracted attention of the boys in the kitchen. 

“You don’t what?“ Donghyuck walked in closer, curious. 

“Want to watch a movie?“ You craned your neck at him, smiling. 

“Okay.“ He agreed unbelievably quickly. “Hey, who wants to watch a movie?“ he attracted more people and now more people sat themselves on the couch. Jaehyun suggested you’ll invite girls from your dorm and a couple of them came too, making the living room packed. 

When the movie was over you waved everyone goodbye quickly, and ran out of the dorm. Looking for privacy you ran one flight of stairs down, not expecting anyone to walk downstairs, since all girls lived three floors above. Your eyes ran over the screen of your phone, looking for new messages of your ‘boyfriend’. You could hear girls walk up the stairs quietly, not saying a single word. You sank into the message he sent, trying to come up with a better answer to the question he asked.

“Hey.“ you almost flue up the stairs when you heard a voice next to you. 

“Hi.“ You raised your head and gulped, hiding your phone into your pocket.

“I heard your conversation with Jaehyun.” Yuta stood one stair lower and you couldn’t work out why didn’t he sat down.

“And?” you rolled your eyes at him and tried to stand up. 

“You should stop texting that guy.” you fell back down facing him shocked. You haven’t given much thought which conversation Yuta could’ve overheard but now it kinda made sense. 

“And… why?“ You couldn’t understand where the sassiness in your voice came from, but either way it was already there.

“Do you know him?“

“Hm, is it written down somewhere that you have to know someone before dating them?“ 

“You’re already going that much forward?“

“Yuta, just go. No one needs your advice.“ his eyes dropped onto your pocket and your head laid atop of your pocket as if he was about to steal your phone.

“Is that him?“

“None of your business.“

“Hey.“ he looked away for a second and his face expression changed when he looked back at you, sitting down on the same stair. “I’m not here to make a scene. I care for you and want only the best… I’m serious, Y/n.“ 

“Why?“

“Just because.“

“Okay.“ You snorted at his lame answer. 

“Whats his name?“

“Jay.“

“And how old is Jay?“

“Our age.“

“Our age is how old?“

“I don’t know. I never asked…“ 

“Does he know how old you are?“

“Yes, he asked me before.“

“I know you’re going to be annoyed by me saying this… but I think you shouldn’t talk to him.“

“Huh? Why is that?“

“I think he’s going to scam you.“ 

“You have no right to say that!“ 

“A random guy you meet next to the dorm, he doesn’t tell you anything about himself but asks everything about you. I’m sure he’s a scammer, I’m sure he saw you on the internet. You can’t just risk everything dumbly like that.“

“How do you know he doesn’t tell me things about himself?“

“You just proved that.“he shrugged “You’re not going anywhere with him, that’s for sure. I’m not going to be surprised if he’ll try to fuck you and then somehow mess with your career.“

“Your imagination is insane, you’re insane.“

“Give me your phone, I’ll prove it.“

“No.“

“Come on, if I’m wrong I’ll do anything you’ll want me to.“ 

“Fine, but if you’re wrong, you’re not going to get out of it easily.“

“Okay.“ You fished out your phone and put it in Yuta’s hand. He immediately began typing, not even scrolling through the conversation. He sent the message and three dotes signalling that Jay typed back showed immediately. ‘Want to go to a hotel?’ he replied to Yuta’s whiny message that he wanted to meet. “See?“ Yuta’s fingers quickly typed a ‘you want to do what TTTT’ you would’ve laughed at the way he wrote if it wasn’t for the situation “Don’t tell me you think he wants to read books?“ ‘we could get a drink and then we’ll see what I could do with you.’ You swallowed a gasp and looked at Yuta who paid you no attention, submersed into the conversation. ‘Is it weird I’m getting turned on_? kekeke’ getting a reply of ‘oh don’t worry honey I’m getting a hard on from a single thought.’ Yuta locked your phone, putting it to the side. 

“So huh?“ Yuta chuckled “Tell me he wasn’t here for fucking.“

“You literally suggested it.“ you couldn’t fight it in you to not fight back even though you could see now he was right. 

“I said I wanted to see him, not suggested going to a hotel, drinking and doing shit. Why can’t you just say ‘thank you, Yuta’?“

“You’re wrong.“

“I can’t fucking believe you almost went out with a guy who’s initial plan was to fuck.“

“Stop swearing at me.“ 

“Is that all that bothers you? I literally saved you right now.“

“Are you trying to feel better about yourself or what?“

“Sort of yeah, I kind of prevented a guy from stealing your virginity against your will.“ You chocked and wanted to fight him, ask him why the hell he decided he knew everything about your body, but then you came up with a better comeback. 

“Not the first time someone tried to steal something from me.“

“What do you mean? Someone tried to hit on you?“

“Well he was successful with stealing it.“

“What…?“ Yuta seemed to be visibly taken aback and you would just love to take a picture of his face expression. 

“It’s you! You stole my first kiss!” You bursted loudly regretting being this loud on the stairs. 

“I asked you beforehand!” He fought back suddenly, visibly feeling at ease.

“It doesn’t matter, you kissed me and ran away.”

“Did that guy steal your second…?” he asked much calmer taking a moment to reply. 

“Im not telling you.”

“Did he or not?” Yuta sounded more persistent and you just looked away, shaking your head a slight no, knowing that he’ll notice. “You’re sure you still don’t have any feelings towards Jaehyun?” 

“What is up with your questions?” you turned your head back at him with raised eyebrows in one swift motion. Your voice sounded too high pitched for your own liking, seemingly amusing Yuta. He rested his palm against your cheek and your eyes fluttered before you came to your senses. “Move. Your hand. Away.” you put all of your strength to make words leave your mouth steadily. 

“I don’t want to.” you couldn’t work out if he smiled to make you mad or if he did it unconsciously. 

“What do you want, Yuta?” 

“Now that you brought up our kiss I just want another one.”

“Go kiss someone who’s not a child.”

“Whine some more.” he murmured and leaned in, running his thumb over your throat. 

“Yuta, I’m serious.” you pushed onto his shoulder. 

“Do you need to talk this out?” he sighed and moved back, making you lose any contact. “Let’s talk, I agree.”

“I…I feel like you’re going to do all of it once again.” 

“Do what?”

“Make me believe you and feel things for you and then just say that I’m a child.” 

“You’re not a child, I was dumb. On top of that you’re not 15 anymore.” 

“16 is not much of a bigger number.”

“It’s not, but I found out that the age of consent in Korea is 13, which technically means I’m not doing anything bad if I’m just kissing a 16 year old girl I’m going crazy for.” you couldn’t take his sudden confession, turning away quickly to hide away your beaming smile. “I wish we could have a date.” his chin laid on your shoulder and you shivered every time you could feel his breathing on your skin. 

“What took you so long?” you aimed to look him in the eyes but his sudden proximity made you just look forward to not get your faces too close. 

“Is it a question to fight or to tell me you needed me?” he moved away a little giving you space. 

“Both.” you turned your head to face him, taking not more than a second for Yuta to lay his lips atop of yours. Your cheeks flushed in an instance and the way his tongue slid against your teeth asking for permission to enter your mouth made you wrap your arms around his neck tightly. Yuta leaned onto the stairs behind him with his elbows, allowing for your chest to lay atop of his. Slight panic attack ran across your chest at the idea of him wanting for you to straddle his legs and you pulled back, suddenly realising that the kiss felt way too heated for what you intended. 

“What’s wrong?” his hand found your face, caressing your cheek carefully. “Your lips taste so fucking good.” his eyes took a long glance at your lips, looking back at your eyes with a smirk. “Pink and mine.” It seemed like he said it more to himself and you just overheard him on accident. 

“Yuta.” you pushed back and sat up, leaving him half laying onn the stairs. 

“Yes?” 

“I don’t like it.” 

“You don’t like what? Me?” his fingers gently ran down the back of your upper arm. 

“No, that it’s going so suddenly and so quickly. I don’t want to sit on your lap, I don’t want you to call me yours. What are we even? Nothing. Don’t push it.” he kept quiet, running his fingers up the skin of your arm and down. “And don’t touch me like that too!” you blew up suddenly  and chewed onto your lip, holding back tears with your very last breathe. 

“What’s wrong, baby?” 

“This is wrong, I just know it.”

“I know everything gives you stress, I’m stressed too, but this… I’m here to release it. I want to love you because I know I can make you happy and you can make me happy too.”

“I’m not going to be able to give you what you want.” 

“And what is it you think I want?” he chuckled and sat on your level. “I’m genuinely curious.”

“Sex?” 

“And besides that?” Yuta noticed your teary eyes, rubbing the back of his palm against your cheek. 

“More sexual interactions…?” 

“Anything else?”

“I don’t know.” you said confused not knowing what exactly he wanted to hear from you. 

“Why is that bothering you so much? I’m not asking for sex right now, and not planning on asking you for sex any time soon either.” he took a pause to lick his lips and it struck you suddenly how actually attractive he was. “Eventually, you’ll be the one begging for release and I’ll remind of your words angel, trust me.” 

“I’ll just say it. I heard you talking with Johnny about that girl you sleep with, I heard a lot and I know I’m not that.”  

“I don’t sleep with her, I slept with her. And there’s no way I want you to be like her, i was  not even thinking of sex with you but you’re hammering the thought into my brain right now.” 

“So you never thought of it? Because I’m not attracting you in that way?” 

“Oh God, Y/n, stop.” Yuta rolled his eyes in annoyance and pulled your chin to him with just two fingers, brushing his lips slowly against yours. 

“Yuta, I’m serious, didn’t you say you agree we should talk.” you tried to push him away once again, but Yuta got glued to your body. 

“Mmh.” he mumbled in reply, moving his lips onto your jaw. “I’ll agree with anything you say.” his tongue licked your neck and he raised his head suddenly. “Does the corridor seem too warm for you?” you chuckled at his sudden  remembrance of what you told him that night. “Do you feel warm down your stomach?” he murmured and placed his lips on yours again. 

“I’m not telling you.” you whispered out of breathe when he finally moved back. 

“I know exactly what you’re feeling.” 

“How come?” 

“I can sense it in the air.” a throaty chuckle escaped his mouth and you shivered. “Your sexual frustration is going to get the very best of you too soon baby, trust me.” his lips pecked yours and he jumped up unexpectedly. “Let’s go, I’m sure you need a break before you flood the building.”

“Yuta!” you punched his shoulder blade while his hand tugged you behind him. 

“Oh, by the way. We should keep this to ourselves.”

“Okay.” you nodded understandingly. 

“Not even Jaehyun.”

“But why? He would understand.” you whined a little. You were planning to run to Jaehyun right after. 

“If you’re telling him, you’re breaking my trust, you get me?” you nodded quickly and Yuta pecked your lips satisfied. 

#this might turn into a Jaehyun fic don’t judge me🫣 #kpop imagines #kpop fanfic #nct fluff #idol au #nct x reader #kpop smut #nct smut #nct scenarios #jaehyun smut #nct au #nct drabbles #yuta fluff #yuta imagines #yuta scenarios #yuta smut #jaehyun angst #jaehyun fluff #jaehyun imagines #jaehyun fanfiction #jaehyun scenarios #nct 127 smut #nct fanfic #nct ff #nct

[hyubcore]

[2:03 am]

you knocked on the window softly. your heart beat harder in your chest as you waited for the glass to be lifted by the boy on the other side, the boy you so intensely longed for.

jaehyun looked up at you as he pulled the blinds away, bringing his bright face into full view. you smiled small and he lifted the screen, crawling out of the window, standing in front of you.

"what are you doing?" he asked, voice quiet. "it's so late, you can't—"

"i was missing you. i always miss you."

jaehyun sighed, grabbing your hand. "we can't keep doing this. it's not...it's not right."

your parents hated jaehyun since the day they met. they found him too low for their standards of who you were supposed to be with—which to you, was complete bullshit. ever since, you had to keep your distance from jaehyun, only being able to see him in the late hours of the night.

you put your head on his shoulder. "i know i promised to stay away. but i can't keep my word—not when you're involved.

jaehyun put a hand on your head, carding his fingers through your hair. you leaned into his touch, savoring the moment, as you weren't sure if it'd be the last.

#n.flying #nflying #n.flying fic #n.flying fanfic #nflying fic #nflying fanfic #nflying fanfiction #n.flying fanfiction #jaehyun #jaehyun fic #jaehyun fanfic #jaehyun fanfiction #jaehyun angst #jaehyun fluff #n.flying angst #n.flying fluff

[yunojjh]

The lilies you left for me

Pairing: Jaheyun x Y/N(f)

Genre: Angst, Romance, Arranged marriage, First love, Infidelity, will add more tags as I go lol

Warnings: use of swear words, mention of sex

Summary: Lily has been the hot topic ever since their artwork was displayed at MoMA taking the art scene by storm, but who is this mysterious Lily?

- Prologue -

Standing right in the middle of the large room of MoMA you could not believe you were finally gazing at your artwork displayed right in front of you, holding your first exhibition, and to say that you were over the moon is a lie, these past three years of hard work focusing on making your dreams come true had all paid off.

“Well if it isn’t Miss Lily herself” you heard a very familiar voice say. “Oh, hush Taeyong” you whispered back quickly to your best friend, worried that he would’ve been heard by someone. Yes, your artwork yes being displayed at one of the most famous art galleries in the world but you refused to publicly display your artwork in your name and opted to use a pseudonym.

“Please no one will ever find out that our own Y/N Lee is Lily”. Yes, Y/N Lee daughter of David and Mary Lee of Lee Industries is the mysterious Lily. To be honest you didn’t want to face the backlash from the public being someone influential you’d immediately think that they used “connections” to get their artwork displayed in galleries.

Taeyong couldn't help but pull you into a hug “I’m proud of you kido, truly”.

“Thank you, T, I would have been able to do this without you.” You murmured back to him.

Taeyong has truly been your anchor these past few years. You met him when you were at your worst and both being artists you guys supported each other.

“Hyunnie come quick, let's look at Lily’s artwork,” a soft feminine voice said, breaking your moment with Taeyong.

“Baby slow down, the art isn’t going anywhere” a familiar voice amusingly said. Your heart twinged as you had to see who it was. As you slightly turned around you suddenly made eye contact with those captivating brown eyes that belonged to your ex-fiancé “Y- Y/N..” Jaehyun whispered. After three years Jaehyun was still breathtaking as ever, his hair had grown longer since you last saw him, he looked the same as always, so handsome. You immediately grabbed onto Taeyongs hand for comfort, which did not go unnoticed by Jaehyun.

“Jaehyun? oh hi,” you responded ever so quietly.

“Hyunnie? Who’s this?” the woman curiously asked.

“Oh um, Jennie, this is Y/N Y/L/N. Y/N this is Jennie my- my girlfriend” Jaehyun breathed out quickly looking everywhere except at you.

Nice to meet you Jennie” you smile at her extending your hand out for her to shake. “You too Y/N” Jennie cheerfully responds.

“So how do you two know each other?” Jennie looks back at Jaehyun. “We were um....” “We’re old friends back from home” (not a lie technically because you did consider him a good friend before being together) you quickly answer Jaehyun looking directly at him “Right,” he slightly coughs back trying his best to avoid eye contact with you.

I guess his family did keep it on the down-low.

From the outside, you probably look as if you’re fine but inside you were trying your best to keep it together and the fact Jaehyun seems oddly nervous about this as you look up at him and he’s been painfully obviously trying his best not to even glance at you

“Isn’t it beautiful Hyunnie?” Jennie had been admirably gazing at your piece Premiere Rencontre (first meeting). That piece will always hold a special memory for you.

Flashback

You suddenly felt soft velvety lips on the back of your neck and strong arms circling your waist as you were painting. You turned your head back to see a very shirtless Jaehyun only wearing his sweatpants.

“Honey, what are you doing up?” you asked as you comfortably leaned back into him

“Well, I woke up to find my very cute fiance missing in bed at 3 am, so I had to see where she had disappeared to.”

“ Honey, I couldn't fall asleep and had a burst of inspiration to paint this” you gazed towards your painting filled with lilies and the glow of the chandelier. “Wow Y/N it's beautiful” Jaehyun gaped in awe. The painting represents your and Jaehyun's first date, a night you forever hold close to your heart as it was the start of your relationship with Jaehyun. He had gifted you with your favourite flowers, white lilies.

“Yeah.. it’s absolutely beautiful” Jaehyun responds but to your surprise he was finally looking at you as he responded. At that moment it felt as if you and Jaehyun were the only ones in the room. It makes it hard for you to swallow, and harder to breathe.

I need to leave. Now.

A/N: Feedback is greatly appreciated!

#Jaehyun #jaehyun fanfiction #jaehyun scenarios #jaehyun x reader #jaehyun x y/n #jaehyun nct