[a/n]: wrote this during the short break i took from writing the requests! i’ll get back to them asap🤍 meanwhile, the jaehyun brainrot is real and i’m devasted by the fact there’s only (1) of him in the world :(((
[17:22] The ice-cream Jaehyun bought for you did wonders to your brain. It was precisely what you needed after a long session of studying in the stuffy library.
“Hey, Jae,” you called him as a question suddenly appeared out of nowhere and you were genuinely curious about his answer.
“Yes, baby?” he replied with a small hum.
“Would you kiss my best friend to save my life?”
“Yes, of course.”
You did a double-take. On one hand, you didn’t know how to feel. While you were kind of flattered that he would do anything to save your life, though you were still conflicted about his decision, you were still slightly offended by his choice and lack of hesitation.
“Wait–” You huffed in laughter to yourself. “I mean, didn’t you answer that question a tad too fast?”
Jaehyun looked at you weirdly. “No? What kind of question was that? I’d do it without hesitation.”
You scrunched up your nose, slightly jealous. “Well, that was a quick answer.”
Your boyfriend laughed with a small scoff. “Babe, all I got to do is look myself in the mirror and kiss myself. It’s that easy.”
You frowned at him. “But, you’re not my best friend.”
“Babe.” Jaehyun rolled his eyes and gave you a deadpanned expression, clearly unimpressed. “I’m your best friend.”
“No, you’re not!”
“I am,” Jaehyun insisted. “No offense, baby, but you don’t have any friends. Like–”
You gasped at his words before shoving your ice cream cone in his face, hoping it’d shut him up. But you forgot that your boyfriend had a weird way for eating ice cream and simply bit the top of your treat without even flinching.
“I do have friends!” you retorted.
“Oh, really?” he replied and wiped the corner of your mouth. “Who are you referring to, then?”
“I have friends.”
“Baby, I’m your only friend–”
“No, you’re not.”
“—and therefore, I’m your best friend. So, yes, I will kiss myself in the mirror to save your life.”
You knew your conversation wouldn’t go anywhere so you simply heaved a sigh and exclaimed, “Fine!”
“That’s what I thought,” said Jaehyun smugly before he kissed the top of your head as he wrapped an arm around your shoulders.
“I hate you,” you mumbled.
“Love you too, babe.”
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the moonlight was shining in through the cracks in the blind, creating an innocent shine over a sinister act.
your fingers were tugging against jaehyun’s hair, his head positioned between your legs. he hadn’t seen you for weeks, and all he was craving was the sweet taste of your pussy. it was almost as if he was a starved man.
“jae…” you whimpered out, your eyes fluttering shut as jaehyun’s tongue delved into your hole.
a smirk formed on his lips at just how wrecked you were becoming just from his tongue. he wondered how you’d react if he added his fingers into the mix; wanting to see if you’d crumble under his touch or if you’d completely lose yourself right then and there.
without another thought, jaehyun replaced his tongue with two of his fingers - the tips oh-so-perfectly reaching that delicious spot inside you. your back arched off his bed, your hips rising slightly until they were pinned down to the mattress.
"keep still for me, princess." he ordered against your clit, his breath fanning over the sensitive bud. "you're doing so well, hold on for a little longer and then I'll make you feel so good."
you tried to answer, but all that came out was a strangled moan. you tugged harder on his hair, a deep groan eliciting from his lips - the vibrations shooting through your spine, your orgasm ever so close.
"i can't hold on," you shook your head before falling back against a pillow. jaehyun was being relentless with his tongue and fingers, you were surprised you had even lasted this long. "i want- need to cum. so badly.”
jaehyun chuckled, "go on, princess. cum all over my fingers."
© voguejae | do not copy, repost, translate.
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PAIRING. jaehyun x fem!reader
GENRE. fake dating!au, fluff, slight angst
WORD COUNT. 5.2k
WARNINGS. mentions of sickness
SUMMARY. writing romance for the first time seems like a challenge for someone who usually does thriller. well, not until jaehyun came along.
AUTHOR’S NOTE. idk about this one, it’s kinda rushed tbh (school’s coming up and all) so feedbacks are deeply appreciated, thanks for reading :)
TAGLIST. @sloppykiths @fluffyjaes @floraljae @daegalfangirl @painted-hills @45hoohari @songchan
music playing in the background? check. consume an unnecessary amount of romance genres? check. change your environment? check. daily morning runs? check check checkie check check. despite your efforts during these past few weeks, the white document on your laptop screen still remains clean. every starting sentence you typed will end up with backspaces, resulting in a still empty slate. you can’t seem to understand what you’re doing wrong, you even watched all those sappy movies and shows to get a glimpse of the idea called love. you brought your limbs upwards, stretching them until a sound of relief escaped your throat. another day with no progress, you sigh at the thought of it.
you’ve always resorted to writing horror, mystery and thriller, they really had your creative juices flowing smoothly. once you start writing the first sentence, you just won't stop, not until ten-ish chapters are done. what can you say? reading stephen king and gillian flynn from a really young age did put some kind of toll on you and here you are, following in their footsteps. well, not until your advisor managed to make you start writing a romance novel. you sure like a little challenge but this is a lot harder than usual. stepping out of your comfort zone, you need it to be perfect. you don’t want it to sound like the badly written, messy ones but one that leaves an impact, one that will get a lot of praise.
switching on the television only to watch some prank show being aired on mtv, you plopped down onto the white couch. you can’t seem to focus onto the citizens’ laughter after being lied to though, mind still hovered with those cloudy thoughts. what if this slump carries on for months? years? what about your career? soon you’ll be forgotten and have no income, no food to eat. just the thoughts of it are making you quiver. after a while, those clouds were swooshed away upon hearing your phone ringing from the coffee table. the sight of your friend’s name on the screen makes your face light up, even if it’s only for a mere second.
“hey! how’s the writing going?” rina’s voice is full of enthusiasm from the other side of the line.
“hi rina, still no progress,” your voice sounding low, sparing a glance at the laptop on your working table.
“oh god, you sound sad. i’ll just go straight to the point. remember when i suggested that you find a date to get, like, a firsthand experience?”
“yeah, that’s a funny joke,” you rub blossom’s head, your cat which just hopped onto your couch needing your attention fully on her.
“okay well, actually. i might have found someone. for, you know. a blind date,” almost sounding like she’s pleading for your approval. once you completely registered her words into your mind, you can already imagine rina flashing you a fake pout with the palms of her hands pressed against each other.
“sorry bubs, but i don’t think i’m that interested in your idea. i will find inspiration, but this just seems too much,” you massaged the temple of your forehead, still finding the inspiration you mentioned to her. after a few more chatters, you ended the phone call with a tap on the red button, letting your head fall onto the back of the couch as you stared at the ceiling. your eyes followed the trail of the fan spinning before you finally dozed off into wonderland.
the following week does not look quite pleasant as well, still no words typed onto the document, your mind just seem dull and thoughtless. not to mention the company has been bugging you with numerous phone calls for you to drop the manuscript. there’s literally no way you’re going to humiliate yourself like that. hesitating to drop rina a dial, you’re still contemplating this decision. but screw it, right? anything for your career.
“rina? i’ve thought about that offer and i think i’m in.”
jaehyun’s eyes scattered over the room - partners busy smothering each other’s faces with kisses, having those small conversations or even just being in each other’s embraces. honestly, he has no idea what made him attend this party, where it’s well known for those lovey-dovey couple things going on. but still, here he is. not even bringing someone, but rather just finding something to do on a friday night.
you might ask, why in the world does jaehyun not have a special someone yet? he’s still going strong with the cliche i’m-still-looking-for-the-right-time excuse. but he knows too damn well that it’s a straight up lie. he’s always wanted to feel loved, to be in love, but what are the odds?
“jae! what are you doing here buddy?” johnny walks over slumpily, his tall figure looking frail now. the hands on his waist are his girlfriend’s, probably trying to keep him from doing anything stupid. honestly, johnny’s lucky to have her in his life. god, that again. can he stop being such a hopeless romantic?
“you know, just hanging around. it’s friday night after all,” he returned the fist bump gesture when johnny’s now seated beside him on the couch. his girlfriend is probably headed to the kitchen bar, filling up the dispenser.
“so, what’s up? i know you never come to parties unless there’s a certain someone here. or is there anyone right now?” he’s now sitting up straight, throwing his head 360º to find anyone without someone by their side.
“goodness, is it wrong for me to come by without any other reasons?” he rolled his eyes, making the latter let out a laugh.
“but i do have a date in a few days.”
date @ ramos’, 2pm
looking onto the words written on your calendar, you let out a sigh. is this what you’ve come to? meeting a complete stranger for a single ounce of romance? applying the nude lipstick onto the bottom of your lips before pressing them together, you place the tube back into your makeup case before standing up from the chair. a white blouse is tucked into your grey pants, the black belt complimenting the whole look. placing the sunglasses onto the bridge of your nose, you grabbed your purse before heading out to meet the man who’s waiting for you in his car. a coupe? a nice model indeed.
right, the man has a name. jeong jaehyun. rina only told you briefly about him. someone with a good style, nice music taste. now what else, you can’t seem to remember. you’ll be honest with yourself, he is gorgeous. spotting your figure, he got out of the driver’s seat to open the car door for you. saying a quick thank you, you slipped into the seat and pulled the seatbelt over. throughout the drive to the restaurant, you two had some small talk with some ambient r&b playing in the background. you can gladly confirm that he does have a good taste in music.
now that you’re facing him on the table where he made a reservation earlier, you can assess his features better. and clearer. dimples guy, fluffy hair, brown eyes, deep voice. these would definitely get a girl’s heart beating like crazy. heck, you’re even feeling like it right now. as you’re busy conversing with yourself on how his first impression looks and wonder how yours might look to him, he’s busy browsing over the menu card given by the waitress just now. he made a quick order of some classic hamburger while you chose to have potato salad, and off the waitress went delivering your order to the chef in charge.
“so what’s your point of having this blind date? like, you must have something in mind or whatever,” he clasped his hands together, crossing his legs over as he does so.
“how about we hear yours first?” you tried to avoid the question. if he’s some kind of hopeless romantic just looking for love, your honest opinion will just make him feel down right? yes, you’re definitely planning to be open and honest to him. nothing annoys you more than deception, lies, betrayal.
“well, for me? i’m just looking for someone dear, you know? i want to make them happy and hopefully, make me happy too. i mean, that’s how love works. you find comfort within them,” you can see the sparks in his eyes when he’s talking about love. holy crap, he is a hopeless romantic.
“oh really? um, can i be honest with you?” he nodded his head, approving whatever you’re about to say. just when you explained the whole inspiration thing you’re looking for, you can almost see the drop in his face. he tried not to make it look too obvious but obviously, being the body language expert you are, you can spot it immediately - shoulders drooping down, breaking eye contact, looking over to the sides. let’s guess the next words coming out of his mouth, let’s just end our lunch? hope you find what you’re looking for?
“if that’s what you want, i’m down for it. let’s do this thing,” he returned that confession of yours with a smile. honestly? not what you were expecting at all. the polar opposite actually. now, it’s your turn to raise your eyebrows, eyes wide, mouth agape. only for a split second, of course. you sipped down the red drink from your glass as you nodded, while he starts to tell you bits of his life. apparently, he does photography for a living. soon, the both of you might have known a little bit about each other. a not-so-awkward blind date, you must say.
“so, you write, huh? about what exactly?” he pulled the napkins off his lap to wipe his lips, cleaning it off any food residues.
“horror and thriller, mostly. this is actually my first time trying romance so it’s quite hard,” jaehyun hummed in response, sounding like he’s saying ‘so that explains why you’re so awkward with love?’.
“well, you’re thankful that i’m here. the hero saving the author in distress by taking her to some dates,” he joked, earning a small laugh from you. “you know what, since we’re at it, why don’t we go to the bookstore later? i have some recommendations for you, i think you might like them.”
you closed the front door, dropping your purse onto the kitchen counter and headed straight to your bedroom with the plastic bag still in your grip. sitting in a cross-legged position on your bed, you began to take the books out. eleanor and park, letters to the lost, jane eyre. ah, the smell of newly-bought books. it never fails to amuse you. flipping through the crisp pages, your eyes spot something written on a page - the blank page to be exact.
arcade on wednesday, u pick the time. see u !!
you chuckled at the small note, is it that hard to just tell you earlier? shaking your head, you reached over to the calendar and wrote the date down.
“so, how was the date?” rina pushed her subway wrapper to the side, now averting her full focus onto you. dabbing your chin with the tissue, you looked at her with a slight tilt on your head.
“i guess it was okay. nothing much happened, we bought books though,” you carried on biting the meatball bolognese sandwich on your hands. the meatball soaked in marinara sauce just tastes so good right now, it’s starting to infiltrate your senses.
“so no kiss? no anything? at least you bought books together, i guess it’s a good place to start,” you chuckled at her disappointment. she blabbered on about how you should use this as an opportunity to find a life partner, though you know she’s just exaggerating. you need serious commitment for it and right now? you definitely don’t have it. the thought of being committed to someone is just suffocating. and there you go with the most cliché excuse ever, you’re waiting for the right time to come.
back on your laptop, you might think that the first date will already get the ideas you wanted to start off your writing with a bang but no. there’s literally no sentence that suits your liking - they are either too cheesy, too bland or too off. but at least you have a muse, so that’s something, right? blossom’s loud meows can be heard from your kitchen, indicating that she’s gotten hungry which would then make her cranky. already? her dinnertime isn’t until 8, you’ll just wait for another hour while doing nothing and wait for a strand of idea to get across your head.
jaehyun squatted down to the lowest point he could reach, bringing his hands forward to capture a clear photo of the butterfly. he has a portfolio in creation - plein de vie, full of life. just some random fragments of things he finds pretty in this simple life of his. a small smile crept its way onto his plump lips when the photo turned out to be a great one, just a blue-winged butterfly with some flowers in the background. some might call it basic but to him, it is dazzling and that’s all that matters.
finding the nearest bench to his standing position, he set his camera aside and pulled out his phone from the inside of his pockets. eyes scanning over the notes app, his fingers swiftly tapped onto the note named after the project, typing in some small momento’s to include in his product later. feeling satisfied with the words he typed in, a dimple made its appearance on his left cheek.
during the drive home, it happens that he’s passing a bookstore which technically reminded him of you. it’s honestly amusing that you’d go an extra mile just to bring your words to life, it’s the passion in you. and he’s just a friend helping out - or maybe not yet, he has no idea what to call your relationship. fake dating? friends with benefits? the thing is, he’s just happy to help and couldn’t care less about anything else. the memory of you saying ‘the most important rule is, do not fall in love with me’ is just entertaining. the famous television dialogue being used in real life just sounds odd and a little bit funky.
well, let’s see who falls for who first, miss y/n.
the doorbell rang, signalling that jaehyun is now in front of your doorstep. you’re just going on a simple look today - a sage green sweatshirt, low waist jeans and a charm necklace around your neck. smiling at your own reflection, you opened up the door to see him in a similar coloured one as well - only that his green is a darker one. nice fashion taste, you complimented internally.
“glad you read that note. i was actually worried if you missed that one, you know,” he rubbed the crook of his neck.
“well, maybe if you had just told me face to face,” you joked while locking the door. you admit, it’s cute though. writing notes to each other, you’ll add that to the list.
“so, have you started writing yet?” he asked, hands spinning the steering wheel across the junction. you observed that he’s easily swayed by music, constantly tapping his fingers on the wheel lightly and bopping his head in small movements. you only responded with ‘not finding much yet’, making him laugh.
“just, don’t stress out too much over it. let’s just live in the moment, okay? i’m sure you’ll do great anyways,” his voice soft, comforting you in all the right ways.
he stopped the car in a parking lot where an arcade is connected to a diner, very classic. you like the nostalgic concept they’re aiming for. jaehyun and the staff here seem to be close, you’re starting to assume that he is a regular here. well, your assumptions turn out to be true as he’s been hanging out here since his high school days. jaehyun held your wrist as he walked you through the place - pac-man, street fighter, air hockey and the basketball shooting game being some of his top favourites.
the atmosphere is very much inviting, led lights making the place shine with purple-ish tones, music blaring through the speakers, voices of children and teenagers vibrating through the walls. you averted your full focus on the movements of jaehyun’s mallet which is moving ever so brisk, but you’re not getting defeated by him. the final push which made the puck dive straight into the goal caused you to throw your hands upwards, displaying some cocky victory dances to jaehyun. he won’t seem to budge though, challenging you to the basketball shooting machine next.
see, you weren’t exactly a shooter during your senior year days. you can’t even master the simple techniques of it, luckily jaehyun here is more than happy to lend you a hand, a self-acclaimed professional he suppose. his figure stood right behind yours, his arms positioning yours into a proper manner. he thought the proximity was too close, he could even smell your shampoo, the lavender rosemary scent seeps into his nostrils.
“now you’re ready to go. and uh, your hair smells nice,” he didn’t miss out the chance to slip the compliment in, which made you giggle. you thought you saw a tinge of red on his ears but you decided to ignore it, throwing your shot which results in a perfect score.
“so, what do you think?” jaehyun leaned his back onto the chair while you browsed through the edited photos on his laptop. he’s been telling you so much about this project that you thought you needed to see it so badly. plein de vie is such a beautiful name, even the shots resemble it.
“i think it’s beautiful! and cool, and deserves an award,” your fingers still not leaving the touch pad, scrolling down the portfolio. the photograph of a mother and son blowing bubbles into the air calms your heart, the black and white filter adding nostalgia to it. you skimmed through the words typed underneath it.
mère, i would give you the world if i could.
“you know, i was thinking if maybe i could add more. like, maybe i could take some photos of you?” the way his face lit up with the sudden idea surge startled you for a bit. he really is passionate about this, huh? you can’t help but agree, getting some nice pictures of yourself would be nice.
and that’s how you ended up on this mat, treats jaehyun bought from the bakery just now scattered about. a nikon camera is present in his hand, you don’t know the specific model but it must be his favourite, seeing how he even got a customized strap for it. you’re quite happy with your outfit today, a white sundress with small sunflowers, white headband keeping your hair strands in a neat condition and pink lipgloss smoothened over your lips.
“candid shot!” you didn’t even have the time to smile when the camera shutter went off, that photo of you staring at the clouds already being taken. you scolded jaehyun for the sudden take, making him laugh at your dramatic reaction. in all jokes and fun, he still carried out the main task for the day. he took some pictures of you while you did the same to him. not having a specific theme of photos, you just posed randomly, praying that he’ll choose the best ones to put on his portfolio.
“you’re looking so pretty today,” jaehyun said in between chewing the garlic bread in his hands, later being puzzled that you’re looking him straight in the eyes. crap, did he just say it out loud? now that’s embarrassing.
“is that a compliment? thank you, you’re not looking too bad yourself,” you returned the gesture of politeness, not thinking too much about it.
“told you, you shouldn’t have played in the rain yesterday. now, you’re having a fever,” jaehyun nagged at you from the kitchen sink, adding moisture to the cloth by running it through the water and squeezing the excess liquid from it. the sleeves of his sweatshirt are pulled to his elbows to keep it dry.
“oh shut up, old man. it’s a life experience, you should try it sometimes. what’s that smell?” you shouted from the couch, body completely wrapped with your blanket. jaehyun just shook his head at your response.
“i made some porridge for you, i don’t know if it tastes good, though,” he comes over, dabbing your forehead with the damp cloth.
“you sure it’s safe from any poison?” you raised your left eyebrow, making him roll his eyes jokingly.
“and why would i?” he tilted his head, you just lifted your shoulders before leaning your body forward to grab the porridge bowl. taking in one spoon of it, you tried to find the perfect word to describe the taste.
“so how is it?” he looked at you, almost with pleading eyes.
“definitely experimental, just nice,” flashing a toothy grin and thumbs up gesture at him, you don’t wait for any signs of approval before diving back in.
“this used to be my favourite place to hang since i was very young,” jaehyun looked around, the playground still kept in the same condition - just some upgrades have been added. memories of him chasing the ice cream truck along with his friends start flooding his mind again. fun times when his only worries were how to skip eating the vegetables on his plate or convincing his mother to buy him a toy from the local shop.
he carries on telling you stories from his childhood as you place yourself on the swing. jaehyun walks over to you, gently pushing the metal chains so that you’ll start moving. “this is fun, just chilling in some playground in the middle of the night.”
“yeah,” that is all he could say, the sight of you looking backwards to meet his face while the moonlight shone on your face is too mesmerizing for him. he loves how your features glowed at the moment, robbing him from his breath for a few milliseconds.
this is bad.
“dude, i think i messed up,” jaehyun showed up uninvited to johnny’s front door. johnny has completely no idea on what his friend’s going through but he gestured for the latter to come in. he whips out a cup of instant coffee from the drawer, making some small talk while waiting for the drink to be done. when jaehyun starts confessing the hidden feelings from beneath his heart, johnny starts to understand the ruckus a little bit clearer now.
jaehyun knows this is bad. he knows he shouldn’t fall for you in a real, romantic way but he can’t help it. the way you would bring your body closer to him whenever you two are walking in a narrow space, the way his ears would get red whenever you fake flirt, the way your eyes would become smaller as your smile becomes wider. he is in love with you and he needs to find a way out. quick.
that series of thoughts were what led him to not meeting you frequently anymore. often giving too many excuses like he’s busy having dinner with his parents, a wedding to attend or another dinner with his parents. though he misses you, this is for the best. to protect himself from any heartbreaks.
“honestly? you’re an asshole for just leaving her like that. just tell her how you feel, who cares about the aftermath of it? just, let the feelings out. but i don’t know, just make your own decisions. you know what's best for you, if anything happens i’ll be here for you, alright?” johnny doesn’t know what else to say, who is he to comment on another person’s feelings and love life?
jaehyun just nodded, thanking his friend for the advice before closing his eyes for a while.
you on the other hand have been keeping your hands on your laptop all night. you suppose jaehyun has been busy and you don’t want to keep him too occupied with your own problems. not anymore, you thought you must’ve depended on him too much. way too much for your own liking.
and so you start writing, letting the wonders of your hand and literature do their magic. one empty white page started to be filled in with the words, later turning into tenth to hundreds. as your fingers tap down onto the keyboard, your mind starts to wander off to jaehyun and the moments that linger between the two of you. that picnic photoshoot for his portfolio, him cooking up a porridge for when you’re feeling under the weather, tying up your shoelaces and keeping your hand within the warmth of his hands when you forgot your coat at home. and how could you even forget the very first blind date? when you were completely honest about your intentions and he was completely down for it.
you were beginning to feel something completely different from within, the feeling of longing. this is a whole new thing that you’re processing and honestly, you’re terrified. and so you resorted to your own source of love, rina.
“see? haven’t i told you before, this dude will get your feet dancing in the air,” rina exclaimed, you figured she must’ve been waiting for this moment way back since she set the two of you up.
“okay, but should i be subtle about it? should i wait for him to say anything first?” you begin to walk in a small radius, even blossom is puzzled by your behaviour.
“i can’t tell, love. every love story has its own plot and so does yours. i fully trust that you know what you should do in this situation. love you, bye!” well, it seems like rina won’t help either. should you even trust your own instincts? your past relationships say maybe? no? the air is too frustrating that you wanted to let out a scream.
a few days have passed, no words from either of you. why? of course, the fear of rejection. the fear of heartbreaks. the fear of see-you-never-again. this feeling is not very likeable for your soul but for your writing process? this is more than perfect. definitely the firsthand experience rina was blabbering about. the inspiration you were aiming to find.
and so you caved yourself in, away from the outside distractions. your phone is on silent mode, your figure sat comfortably on the couch with your teddy bear by your side, blossom being completely full from her breakfast that she’s now sleeping soundly on the floor. you plugged your earphones in, music playing in the background, a completely calm space while writing, just how you like it.
as delilah sat on the staircase, she began to wait for her prince charming to come rescue her from the overruling thoughts she’s having. only to realize that no prince is coming to save her, she needs to save herself.
funny how you can relate to delilah, are you projecting yourself onto your characters?
jaehyun scrolled down the digital portfolio he’s preparing for the final submission later, adding some final touches to it. he needs to make sure that it’s perfect for his career, for his artworks, his passion. sipping in the coffee, he stopped at the photograph of you during the picnic date. even if it’s candid, you’re still looking gorgeous to the eye of his lenses.
that’s the exact moment that he knew, he'd fallen hard for you. too hard. johnny’s right, he needs to let you know about his feelings. not even bothering to shut his laptop down properly, he grabbed his coat and searched for his car keys. right, they’re with the mechanic. how long has it been since he last sent the car to a service check-up, months? must’ve needed a lot of work. owning no other vehicles, the only choice he has is to walk on his own two feet.
jaehyun’s lucky that your house is just a few blocks away from his. well, not so lucky anymore when the clouds start to turn cloudy, getting darker with every step he took. he can’t wait any longer so he began running, his mind crafting the right words to deliver to you. maybe he’s taken too long that droplets of rain start pouring on the grey pavement, his hair starting to get wet from the sudden moisture.
by the time he’s reached your front door, the rain is already pouring heavily. still, he couldn’t care less when he’s about to meet the girl of his life. the incoming doorbell dings startled you from your task, lazily stepping towards the door to see who’s waiting. oh, how surprised were you when you see jaehyun with his clothes totally soaked.
“what are you doing here? all wet and stuff,” you asked. he stepped closer, making you furrow your eyebrows more.
“i’m afraid to tell you that i might have fallen in love with you. and much harder than i thought. call me smitten, i don’t care. i just want you. i love you, y/n,” he smiled in his speech. god, he’s crazy. and he’s driving you crazy as well. you didn’t know what to say as a response. your emotions are scattered in a lot of places but shocked? overwhelmed?
and that’s when jaehyun’s lips came in contact with yours. his heart beats faster upon the action, his fingers grasping your jawline to deepen the kiss more. his mind is going crazy, he’s finally done it. taking your hands in his, he stood there like a puppy, waiting for your response.
“i love you too. so, so much that i’m losing my mind,” you went in for another kiss, a softer one this time. he could feel you smile into the action, making his heart gallop even harder. once you pulled away from him, you’re only remembering now that he just ran in the rain a couple minutes ago so you invited him in. what a parallel to the event when you caught a fever while dancing in the rain, only now you’re the nurse and he’s the patient. you wrapped your long cardigan around his torso, god knows how cold he must feel right now.
while you’re busy whipping out some remedy tea from the kitchen counter, jaehyun’s gaze fell onto the novel sitting on the coffee table - his recommendation specifically, eleanor and jane. oh, so you actually read the ones he recommended?
“so, how’s your writing activity going?” he decided to break the silence lingering in the air. you set the cups of tea on the table, plopping down onto the seat beside him.
“yeah, it’s going great. thanks to you and your ideas,” you gave him a small smile, small but sweet.
“see, i told you. i am the prince charming saving an author in distress,” he snickered. there’s nothing more that matters than basking in each other’s presence, he’d like this to go on forever and ever.
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PAIRING. kindergarten teacher!jaehyun x (f) teacher’s assistant!reader
WORD COUNT. 396
author’s note. this takes place somewhere in the middle of the apple of my eye but can be read as a stand alone.
[15:37] → [10:15]
“If you’re sad or upset, don’t take it out on your classmates. Instead of hurting them, you can come up here and take Octo!”
“What’s an Octo?”
“Octo’s my special friend—can everybody see him?”
While Jaehyun introduced the plushie that would live on his desk to the rest of the class, you leaned back on your own desk with a smile. You shook your head, not actually believing he was going through with your silly idea.
Last week after school, you suggested buying one for the class while seeing it on TikTok as a joke. That’s all it was—a joke.
But when Jaehyun caught sight of the interchangeable plushie, the teacher wanted one for himself. Or for the class, he pushed. It wasn’t for himself at all, he insisted as his eyes lit up while watching various videos of the toy.
And now, it was here in your shared classroom, gently cradled in between Mr. J’s soft hands.
“Octo has a happy side”—he showed the Octo’s cute smile—“and a sad side that you can flip to when you’re sad.”
The children on the rainbow rug scooted closer to him, wanting to see the toy for themselves. The circle enclosed around him, the class practically at his feet, itching to reach for their new class toy. Jaehyun had called it their class pet earlier in his spiel, lecturing the students on how they should take good care of him just as they took care of their toys back home.
“Now, when you’re feeling mad or sad, you can use Octo, okay? And then you can talk your feelings through with either me or Ms. Y/N. How does that sound?”
Little cheers reverberated throughout the classroom and Jaehyun’s smile grew wider, his dimples digging deep into his cheeks. He easily flipped Octo to his happy side and clutched it to his side. The purple of the toy stood out against the light off-white of his shirt.
It was adorable how attached Jaehyun was to the new toy, easily shown by how he never put it down throughout the day, but it made him happy. Never once did he flip it to the other side.
You caught him staring at the toy fondly in between lessons where students worked on their own.
He was truly happy with it.
And if he was happy, so were you.
ending note. guys, gals, and non-binary pals! he’s back!!! i love stick together and how jae was so attached to the plush so !!!!! here you go!!!
taglist. @keemburley @johtenrecs @jaemdonuts @euphoricdreamies @itsapapisongo @chnhua @jaxminskale @staysstrays @hwangful @lcvekdy @baekhyuns-lipchain @hyuckefi @chososchaos @perhapsthanatos @bunnylover0193 @angelssung @nanascupid @chitaphrrrr @janedukiesworld @tamakikaname @justsayk @bat-shark-repellant @ahgastayzen @mark-lees-left-ear @jaehyunfirstlove @tobiobb @nctsworld @ta-yeon @seokcalibur @lcvekdy @amorajae @jenosuh @mxrcayong-main
© sehunniepotwrites, 2021
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tongue tied :: twenty-five
summary: a promiscuous basketball star finds his carefree world turned upside down when he crashes the winning team’s afterparty. a series about unexpected relationships, broken bonds, and the quintessential struggles of college life.
tags: @keytomythoughts @yo-dreamrush @chakrasanddrugs @the-universe-in-you-jjh @galaxyjisung @marklexleaf @sideeffectssss @afterourspring @justineasian @huangberryyy @theloouiisee @tamakikaname @whywontyousetfree @littleteafawn @rageofcaliban @itskkung @minkyungstudies @babyd0nt @quintessentialing @chnhua @painted-hills @httpjeongjaes @thejungjaehyun @yoonohing @linibambinii @doderyscoffee @fakektexts @atinytree @oc-helps @cookydream @lynniac @yizzhuos @dxftprettyboys @awfullytiredbuthealing @injunsdimple @jaeficrecs @kimjngws @mybbtaeyong4thewin @hiraarri @jiye0n0 @atynsuh @je0ngjaehyun @markistheloveofmylife @cryingforjae @daegalfangirl @minavenue @ilovjaehyun @wonwoosimp @atinyfeels @fr0gluvr (taglist form is in m.list!)
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☁︎ ʙᴀʙʏ ʙʟᴜᴇ !¡ ᵖᵃʳᵏ ʲⁱᵐⁱⁿ
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leave | j.jh
summary. In which he lets you go, one last time.
pairing. detective! jung jaehyun x thief! fem! reader.
genre. angst, fluff if you squint, basically just really bittersweet, enemies to lovers! au, strangers to lovers! au, drabble.
warnings. mild swearing, implied sex, implied sickness, alocohol consumption, mentions of hospitals.
notes. this is my entry for @ficscafe’s au prompt event! i chose prompt number 9 from the list provided. thank you to the admins for providing such a wonderful opportunity <3
You huff angrily, turning around and throwing your hands up in the air exasperatedly.
“I’m aware, douchebag.”
Jaehyun crosses his arms over his chest, his stolid expression not faltering. With his lips pursed in a thin line and his eyebrows knit together ever-so slightly, you suppose you should feel at least a small twinge of fear. But you don’t. If anything, your shoulders sag and you almost let out a sigh of relief.
Relief, because it’s Jung Jaehyun who caught you once again.
“Stop trying then.”
His voice holds no malice, no hint of hatred - as it should. After all, he’s risking his neck day and night hunting for so-called “vigilantes” like you.
Your tone is flat, your expression even more so. You don’t want to show him even the slightest sign of weakness, because you’re sure he’ll use it against you. Especially after last time.
“What, no smile to give me? Am I not your friend?” His lips curl up by the tiniest fraction.
“I’ll knock all the teeth out of your mouth,” you growl, your palms curling into fists unconsciously. “We’ll see who’s smiling then.”
Jaehyun takes one step towards you. You stay in your position, your feet planted firmly in place. It does nothing to help the sudden clamminess you feel in your hands.
“Funny, because the last time I found you, you were busy crying about how you needed money to pay your sister’s hospital bills.”
He tilts his head, carefully observing you. The weight of the crisp money notes safely tucked in your back pocket feels heavier now. You suck in a breath, taking a hesitant step backwards even as he takes another step towards you - and then another, and yet one more. The distance is lessening, bit by bit, and you’re not sure what to make of it.
“I was drunk,” you manage to say.
Jaehyun stops short inches away from you.
“Is that why you helped me that night?” you ask him, your eyes flashing. You know it’s not the truth, but you need to say something - anything - to distract him. “Because I was completely wasted and you thought I needed your pity?”
To your credit, Jaehyun’s face crumples. But he takes a deep breath, and moments later, he schools his face back to its usual expressionless state. There’s a tremor in his voice though, you notice, when he speaks next.
“Is that really what you thought of it?” he asks quietly, raising his gaze to meet yours. You look back, trying your best to appear unafraid.
“What else am I supposed to think of it?”
He takes another step closer to you, and you can’t help it, but your eyes flinch away, and you stare at his shoulder instead. He’s so close, you can smell him - a strange mixture of sweat and cologne - and you can make out the tiny creases in his seemingly perfectly pressed white button-up.
“Think about it, Y/N.” His tone is low, soft. “Why would I take you back home with me that day? Why would I share a bed with you that night? Why would I make breakfast for you the next morning? Why?”
“Pity,” you hiss at him, still unable to meet his eyes. “Because I had just bawled my eyes out to you and you didn’t know what else to do. Because you were hunting for me and you wanted to find out my motives. It’s your job.”
He sucks in a breath, his chest rising heavily. “You don’t believe that.”
“What makes you so sure?”
You shiver when he says your name. He reaches out, his fingers tenderly grasping your chin, and lifts your face gently upwards, forcing you to look straight at him. His eyes are brown - chocolate brown - and they’re filled with sadness. You feel a slight pang of guilt course through you when you realise you’re the cause of it.
“Look me in the eye and tell me you think I did all of that out of - out of pity.”
You swallow, your throat hurting painfully. You open your mouth to speak - but nothing comes out.
Jaehyun smiles bitterly, letting go of your jaw. “I thought so.”
“Would it kill you to leave me alone?”
“It wouldn’t kill me.”
“Then leave me alone.”
“Okay,” Jaehyun nods.
“Okay? That’s all?”
You’re genuinely surprised, because as far as you know, he’s relentless. Jung Jaehyun is famous for catching miscreants all over the city. Letting criminals go, simply giving up - that’s not what shot him to detective stardom.
“Yeah.” He runs a hand through his hair, sighing deeply. “You won’t have to bother about me anymore. I’ve been assigned to a new case. Starting tomorrow.”
Disappointment surges through your body like massive waves crashing on boulders at a beach. You look at him, unsure, and take a step behind, your back hitting the iron door you’d been trying to open earlier with a thud.
Jaehyun stays rooted in place, his eyes not leaving yours. There’s a small bit of fondness there, you can make out, but it’s masked by the swirling ocean of emotions his eyes always contain. Jung Jaehyun is one of the people you haven’t been able to read properly - a skill you pride yourself at - and perhaps it’s that quality of his that makes him so successful at his profession.
“Take care of your money.” He gestures to you. Your money, he said. Not stolen money. Yours.
“I won’t tell anyone, I promise it,” he continues. “Take care of yourself, Y/N. And your sister.”
He nods once, his movements tight, and then opens his mouth, before closing it immediately. “Right. See you… see you around, Y/N.”
And then he turns around, swiftly making his way out of the dark alley, and you can only watch silently as the sound of his footsteps recedes and his figure is swallowed by the noise of the city outside.
He leaves before you can say anything. He leaves before you can apologise, and tell him that you’re wrong, because you know he didn’t do anything to you out of pity. He leaves before you can say that you like him too.
He leaves before you can say “thank you.”
a/n. shoutout to my beloved @youngiez for beta reading this lil’ thing and giving me comments that made me crack up so hard, like, “eurerong uererong bae y/n is a wolf on all levels except physical”?? HELP THAT MADE ME LAUGH SO HARD. as always, stay healthy and stay happy, my lovelies! - xoxo, addie
© JENSROSE, 2021.
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Nothing's Gonna Hurt You, Baby
warnings: mentions divorce
genre: angst, fluff, richman!Jaehyun au
pair: Jaehyun x reader
"Shitty day?" Jaehyun asked as he approached you from the kitchen, one arm extending to offer you the glass of red wine in his hand.
"Shitty husband, honestly," you scoffed before you tossed your phone and card wallet to the other side of the sofa. Jaehyun sat on the coffee table in front of you, and you grabbed the glass from him to take a quick sip.
Folding his arms in front of him, he raised an eyebrow at you.
"What? Also, why are you sitting there? You're going to break the glass," you also raised an eyebrow at him, pointing to the coffee table.
He sighed, "We can always get a new one, honey."
You scoffed at him again, "Easy for you to say because you're filthy rich! You don't even consider how hard people worked on that table." You playfully smack his knee.
Jaehyun only chuckled at you, "Alright, alright. I'm getting up. Always so hot-headed." He pushed himself off the table and sat next to you, wrapping an arm around your shoulders. "So?"
"So, what did he do again to piss you off this time?" he asked, tightening his arm around you to pull you closer to him. Leaning on his chest, you answer, "Everything he does pisses me off. That absolute piece of trash."
Jaehyun chuckled again, and you could feel the vibrations rumbling up his chest from the way your head was resting on him. "Then why are you still with him?"
Escaping from his hold, you sighed before taking another sip from your wine. You got up from where you were seated and grabbed the small remote from the wall on the other side of the room. Pressing a button, the blinds of the giant glass windows opened, showcasing the twinkling of the city's nightlife.
Jaehyun just stared at you as you moved around, waiting for your answer to his question. He remained reticent, but it wasn't an awkward silence. It brought you comfort and peace, something you only feel once in a while.
"It's not like I can just leave him like a girlfriend dumping her boyfriend. We're married. With legal papers, under the law, because of an arrangement, by the power of our parents." You sighed once more, gazing upon the brightest light from the tower that was sitting pretty on a hill on the other side of the city.
Jaehyun quietly stood up from the sofa and wrapped you in a hug from the back. He rested his chin on top of your head as he rubbed his hands against your shoulders. "File for divorce. I'll pay for your lawyers," he said softly.
You smile at what he said, even though he wouldn't see it in your position. "Mr. Jung Jaehyun, the richest man in the country, is at it again," you joked.
Jaehyun laughed, his deep voice filling the living room of his expensive apartment. You laughed along with him, not because of what you said, but because his laugh was too contagious. Once your laughter had died down, he placed his chin on your head again. He swayed both your bodies to the faint sound of his humming.
"I mean it, though. I'll find you the best lawyers, I promise." Jaehyun whispered, voice so soft you almost missed what he said. It earned him another playful smack, this time on his arm.
"It's not even about the money. I have more than enough to do it myself. You know that too well," you sighed for the nth time. Jaehyun remained quiet for a while, seemingly thinking about what to say next.
"I'm just so scared, Jae. I don't want it to happen to me too," tears started falling down your cheeks. "I don't want them to hurt me like what they did to my sister, Jaehyun. I don't want to-"
"Shh, Y/N. Don't say that, baby." Jaehyun shushed you, turning your body to let you face him. You sobbed harder, your hands holding your face. He pulled you closer to him once more, hugging you tightly against his chest as he whispered sweet nothings to your ears in hopes of calming you down.
"It's okay, Love. I'm here. I'm here for you."
"Jae, they're going to hurt me. I'm so scared. Please don't leave me."
Jaehyun's heart crumbled at your words. His hands balled into fists, angry at the thought of someone hurting you. At the idea of someone hurting the person who deserves only the best of things. The thought of someone hurting his favorite person, the one he loves the most.
"I'm never gonna let them do that. Never, Y/N."
"They'll hurt you too, Jae. You can't. I can't let them hurt my best friend." You said in between sobs, crying even louder at the thought of Jaehyun getting hurt. The only person you ever truly love, but never your lover. You love him too much to let him get involved with your family and get hurt.
"Nothing's gonna hurt you, baby. Nothing's gonna hurt us. I love you too much to let them."
A/N: Not quite sure if this is the type of richman!jaehyun au the anon wanted, but I hope you like it! Kinda wrote this on a whim.
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Our Kids Talk about Us
Title: Our Kids Talk about Us
Pairing: Jaehyun x You
Genre: single parents au, angst, fluff, romance, smut
Warnings: mentions of death, unprotected sex
Word Count: 10k
Summary: After his beloved wife's death, Jaehyun still wears his wedding ring to keep women away from him. When your kids become friends and his daughter starts to move on, he suddenly finds himself being the one stuck in the past. (x)
Jaehyun always wanted to be a young father.
What he never wanted to be was a young widower.
Yet, he found himself standing in front of his wife's grave at only 24 years of age, their young daughter in his hand, trying to suppress the tears that threatened to come out after all the attendees had left.
The cool autumn wind whipped the dripping rain across his face as he made sure the umbrella was protecting his three-year-old girl from the weather. When Jaehyun looked at her, her tiny head hidden in the dark raincoat, she raised her gaze to face her father as well.
“Mommy is lying here, daddy?” she asked him again.
She was still too young to understand what death let alone pneumonia meant. Why they had to visit her mom at this huge concrete building with only people in white walking around. Why her mom hadn’t been able to speak to her lately. And why they had to stop seeing her in this huge building altogether, even though she wasn’t at home either.
Why her mom would never come back home to them.
“Yes, dear.” Jaehyun softly brushed with his thumb over his daughter’s small hand. “She’s lying here.”
“And when will she come back, daddy?”
Biting his lower lip, Jaehyun shook his head as tears burnt behind his eyes. “I… don’t know.”
“But isn’t she cold?”
The little girl let go of his hand and walked out of the umbrella’s shelter closer to the grave.
“When she’s lying here, she’s cold!” she complained. “It’s raining and mommy always feels cold! Did you bring her a jacket, daddy? She has to stay warm until she comes back!”
Little Byeol wasn’t able to understand why her daddy suddenly sank on his knees, right here in the dirt.
She suddenly heard him cry after he had let the umbrella fall to his side, his palms now covering his face. Yet, she didn’t miss the sound of pure mourning. She didn’t need to understand the situation to know that her father was utterly sad, and that it had something to do with her mommy.
“Don’t cry, daddy.” Byeol approached her father and tried to wrap her tiny arms around him.
After her attempts had failed, Jaehyun wrapped his hands around her body instead and pressed her against him, embracing her tightly and kind of desperately. For the first time, he really showed his feelings in front of his daughter. He had been keeping up a facade of feigned strength for too long, he couldn’t cope with it anymore.
Jaehyun had lost his wife and Byeol had lost her mother.
Life would never be the same again for the two of them.
Six-year-old Byeol stood in front of the elementary school’s door with a pair of black biker shorts, an oversized shirt of a very well known sports brand and a red backpack that she had been using since kindergarten and was kind of embarrassed of.
But Byeol was not amused on her first day of elementary school only because of her old backpack.
She was seeing all these girls her age with their long hair twisted and twirled to fun styles with colorful headbands and clips as well as dresses in all colours the rainbow had to offer while Byeol was presenting herself in her usual clothing and short hair.
Byeol hated elementary school already.
“You must be Jeong Byeol,” the teacher greeted her. “Come with me, your class is right there.”
Byeol got seated next to a girl that didn’t differ much from the colorfully dressed ones she had encountered in the schoolyard, but she was quick to sort her into the category of stuck up people like the girls who were side-eying her so judgily just because of her outfit.
“Hello, I’m Jeni.”
What she hadn’t expected was to get addressed by the exact same girl she had just thought badly of. Now, Byeol had a bad conscience.
“Hello, I’m Byeol.”
Jeni’s eyes wandered over Byeol’s equipment that she had just pulled out. A simple pencil case with only a pencil and an eraser in it. Swiftly, Jeni had moved her fully equipped case into her seatmate’s direction.
“You can use my colors too if you want!”
“Oh… thank you.”
Byeol wasn’t ashamed of the fact that Jeni had directly noticed that her equipment lacked completeness, but thankful for her awareness. It was just that her father had promised to buy everything for her, but didn’t make it on time in the end.
“I like your hair clips!” Byeol complimented Jeni.
“And I like your shorts, they look so comfy in comparison to this dress!” Jeni then fiddled with her hair. “Here!”
Byeol’s hair only reached her chin, but Jeni was able to pull a long streak back and fix it with a pink butterfly clip.
“You look so cute!”
From that moment on, the two became best friends.
“I don’t care how much work you have left!” you shouted into your phone. “Today is your daughter’s first day of elementary school and she had expected you to be here, yet you weren’t!”
“Babe, please calm down!”
“I’m not your babe, asshole!” A few passerbyers turned around to look at you as you made your way to the elementary school, but you didn’t care. “Don’t you know that your friend Haneul uploaded your last night together on instagram? I saw everything! So if working so hard means whoring around, drinking until dawn and oversleeping your daughter’s first day of school, then you’ll never have to see her again, good riddance!”
You rolled your eyes and put your phone back into your purse as you angrily arrived by the school’s gate. Clutching your fingers around the door handle, you pulled it into your direction, but the door remained closed. You pulled on it again, this time a bit harder, but the door wouldn’t open.
“This cannot be!” you yelled and pulled on the handle again, reaching new levels of aggressivity. “What a shitty day!”
“You have to push it.”
Turning aside, you encountered the kind eyes of a man around your age, dressed in formal pants and a white button up, staring at you rather puzzled.
“You have to pull down the handle and then push it. See?”
When he laid his own hand on the door handle, you could see a golden ring adorning his finger. Almost the exact same ring, only a bit thinner and more fragile, could also be found on your hand.
“Oh thank god!” you let out, relieved as he opened the gate for you, and it didn’t slip by you that his gaze fell upon your ring as well. “I thought I was seeing things!”
You passed through the gate before him, but he followed suit and fell into your step in the schoolyard as you slowed down purposely.
“I’m Y/N!” you introduced yourself. “My daughter had her first day today.”
“I’m Jaehyun, and same. I had to drop her off very quickly this morning as I was supposed to be at work by 9. I wasn’t able to equip her with everything that she needs in time which was why she was a bit sour this morning. But hopefully, I can make up for that now.” Jaehyun held up a bag on which the logo of a very popular convenience store was printed on. “She said she wanted some stuff with… cartoons on it? Something with Pororo or so. I don’t know.”
“May I have a look?” you asked, and he nodded.
As you took the bag into your hands, you noticed that he brought a pack of crayons with cars on them.
“That was all they had that came close to cartoons. How am I supposed to know what Pororo is?”
You chuckled. “It’s an animated series about a penguin and his group of friends.”
“I’m a horrible father!”
Somehow, he sounded so disappointed in himself even though he tried to come forward with irony, and you could hear in his voice that this rooted deeper than just not knowing what Pororo was. You wondered whether this was usually the mother’s job and he had only been assigned to it because she currently didn’t have time or was abroad. But you thought that was no biggy.
“There is a stationary store just right down the street, they have Pororo stuff,” you recommended.
“You, Y/N, are my hero!”
This time, you both laughed as you joined the other parents in front of the building who were waiting to pick up their kids. Only a short moment later, the entry door opened and outside stormed a bunch of happy children.
Your daughter stood in front of you with the brightest smile on her face. With pride, you patted her head. “How did your first day go, Jeni?”
“Amazing, mommy! I made a new friend, her name is Byeol!”
“That’s amazing, dear!”
You and Jaehyun had quickly lost sight of each other, but you were sure you would see each other again.
Byeol looked into the bathroom mirror and inspected her hair. She had unclasped the butterfly clip the day before because she felt insecure as it was something so new to her. But today, she felt confident enough to wear it.
“How do I look, mommy?” Byeol asked and waited. “Thank you, mommy.”
With a smile, she hopped from the stool and entered the kitchen where her father had already prepared the breakfast table.
Three bowls and three spoons as usual.
“Which cereal does your mom want for breakfast today, Byeol?”
“Today, choco krispies, daddy.”
Jaehyun filled one bowl with choco krispies and the other two with fruit loops as it was his and his daughter’s all time favorite.
As they sat down together, he noticed the pink butterfly clip in his daughter’s hair. “Where did you get that from?”
“It’s from my friend Jeni, the girl I told you about yesterday. She gifted it to me.”
“Ah, I remember. It’s cute.”
Jaehyun wondered whether such hair clips were what all girls her age were now wearing.
Between his job, chores and his child, he barely had time for himself let alone to get updated with everything a little girl could be interested in nowadays. Probably also because he didn’t hold much interest in keeping up to date with fashion, hair and all this stuff, which was why his daughter was usually wearing what he came across when running errands.
Now that Byeol was growing up, interacting with other girls and developing interests in female stuff, Jaehyun wondered whether he had to change his way of thinking. He just didn’t know where to start as they lacked a female part in their family.
With much care, he put the Pororo crayons on the table, and immediately, his daughter’s eyes lightened up.
“That’s Pororo! And the newest crayons on top of that! Thank you so much, daddy!” Shifting around, she talked to the other, in Jaehyun’s eyes, empty chair, “Look, mommy!”
She reached for the crayon package and put it into her backpack, but not without giving her father a tight before that he returned with the same love and passion.
Jaehyun was aware that he lacked a lot of things as a single parent.
The summarized things mentioned above were only the tip of the iceberg. But Byeol had grown up knowing she was different from all the others with only having her father at such a young age, yet she had never held it against him when she had noticed things such as not having the newest clothes as she knew that he always gave his best.
She was a very humble and down to earth person, despite her young age.
But Byeol had her own mechanism to cope with mother’s death that had been extracted with time.
When one day, she had started to tell him things about her deceased mother, Jaehyun let it slip, assuming it was just a phase. Not much later, when she started demanding a plate for her mother during dinner and talked to her whenever she felt safe, Jaehyun knew that was when she needed help. But the therapist was at her wit’s end after a few months and only told him that one day, all imaginary friends would vanish.
But this wasn’t a random imaginary friend. This was her mother she imagined talking to, eating with and sleeping with.
A part of her life.
“And your wife never picks her up?” a mother asked Jaehyun.
He was sick and tired of this question that accompanied him since Byeol’s time in kindergarten. Even leaving on his wedding ring didn’t save him from those nosy, equally single and married women who wanted to check on his true relationship status after not having encountered Byeol’s mother.
It wasn’t like he wasn’t interested in dating again. He was just stuck, and his ring prevented him from moving on. He just couldn’t just yet.
“She’s busy,” Jaehyun shrugged it off and walked away from the woman the moment he spotted a familiar face at the other side of the yard. “Thank god,” he only thought.
“Yes. I love you too,” you chatted into your phone as you hung up and turned around to find Jaehyun standing right in front of you. “Hi,” you greeted him.
“Hey. I hope I didn’t interrupt you.” He assumed that you had talked to your husband which was why he quickly regretted having walked up to you. Who else would you confess your love to anyway? He should have been more considerate of women, even though he hadn’t intensively interacted with one in so long.
With you, even though you had only gotten to know each other, he didn’t feel pressured to run away, because clearly, you were happily married, so there was no temptation that could possibly lure him to do things he regretted later on.
“No worries, the conversation was already over.”
“So, then maybe you can help me with something?”
“Those… things…” Jaehyun raised his arms and touched his hair. “Those colorful clips in different shapes little girls wear in their hair. Where do you mothers get them from? Are there certain shops that have always passed by me?”
This time, you didn’t chuckle but were quite confused. If he was married, wouldn’t the mother usually bring stuff for the daughter or go shopping with her? He looked so seriously helpless that you were not sure whether he was joking.
You didn’t know anything about Jaehyun’s life circumstances. His wife could be abroad or working at most times. They could even live in separation and it would still be none of your business.
You only saw a father who was struggling providing his daughter the stuff she was fancying, and you were more than willing to help him.
“Okay, Jaehyun. Do you have an hour to spare tomorrow before we pick up our kids?”
“In COEX mall.”
The bell rang and short moments later, the kids stormed out. You spotted Jeni at the other side of the yard.
“There’s my daughter. See you tomorrow, Jaehyun!”
As you reached your daughter, she was already wearing that look on her face. You knew exactly what that look meant. She got that from her father.
“What is that you want, Jeni?”
“So, I told you about my new friend Byeol, right, mommy?”
You laughed. “Every day since you two met.”
“I invited her to play at my house today, because she doesn’t have the newest barbies. Can she, mommy? Pretty please?”
You patted your daughter’s head. “Where is she? I should talk to her parents first.”
If Jeni had made new friends, you wouldn’t want to spoil that experience for her.
She hadn’t had it easy in kindergarten ever since her begetter left town after she was born. While all the other children’s parents came in pairs, Byeol had always come with her mother only, and that made her a target.
To protect your daughter from mockery and more isolation, you decided to buy a fake wedding ring that should also shield you from the judgy eyes of the parents, to avoid the stigma of being a single parent.
“She already went to ask her dad. See? There she is!”
From the corner of your eyes, in the crowd of the parents and children, you perceived Jaehyun leaving the school, but you didn’t quite see the little girl that was supposed to be with him, even though you were curious about what his daughter looked like.
“Jeni, my daddy said yes! Hello Y/N.”
A little girl just as small as your own daughter, suddenly popped up in front of you. She bowed deeply at you and wore a rather shy look.
“That’s Byeol, mommy!”
“Nice to meet you, Byeol. Your daddy agreed, yes?”
“Yes. Here is his number in case you need it as he had to leave already.” She gave you a piece of paper. “He’ll pick me up at 7 later. I gave him your address as well.”
“Wow, you girls have planned this out so thoroughly! Then let’s go!”
You lived in a house with your parents who were helping you with the upbringing of your daughter. You owed everything to them as you surely wouldn’t have been able to finish your university degree in law without their help while a baby was on its way.
“Mom, we’re home! Jeni, show Byeol your room!”
“Sure! Come with me, Byeol!”
“Did you bring what I asked you for?” your mother questioned when you entered the kitchen.
You stopped in your tracks, realization kicking in. “I’m so sorry, mom! We finished talking, I said I love you, and then Jaehyun walked up to me, and… I just forgot!”
Your mother laughed. “No worries. I think I can cook that recipe without peppers. Who’s Jaehyun? Someone who finally piqued your interest?”
You rolled your eyes, but grinned. “He’s married, mom, and he’s a dad from Jeni’s elementary school. Besides… no one wants a single mom.”
“That’s nonsense, Y/N, and you know it.”
Tired of being on the verge of leading this discussion again, you said goodbye to her, left the kitchen and stepped into the living room where you flopped down on your chair in front of the desk and started working again.
Before dinner, the girls called you upstairs to play dress up with, and you couldn’t say no.
“Let’s see what we have here,” you muttered to yourself as you opened your makeup case and immediately, Byeol’s eyes were fixated on the many colours in the palette.
“Whoa!” she exclaimed. “What’s that?”
“Makeup,” you explained nonchalantly. “Haven’t you seen this with your mom yet?”
“My mommy isn’t… alive.”
You froze. In the way your daughter continued fiddling with the makeup brushes, you figured that this wasn’t news to her. But you were taken by surprise and didn’t quite know how to properly react.
“But that’s okay, because my mommy is still with me,” Byeol continued. “She’s sitting on Jeni’s bed, see?”
Byeol pointed at the other side of the room, and from the tone she used while speaking, you knew that she was being dead serious. So you decided that you would react as she was wishing for: totally normal.
“Ah yes. Nice to meet you, Byeol’s mom. Does your mom also want a bit of makeup, Byeol?”
She shook her head. “No, but she likes to watch.”
You dipped the brush that you had picked up into pink powder and gently tinted Byeol’s cheek on each side of her face. She was looking at you with big eyes while you smiled at her during the process.
“You are really beautiful.”
“Thank you, Byeol.” Cheekily, you tapped the brush on her nose and she let out a chuckle. “You are even more beautiful.”
“My daddy always says I look like my mom.”
“And your mom is really beautiful as well.”
Jaehyun stood in front of the house, inspecting it from the ground floor to the roof. It was quite a contrast to the apartment building in which he was living with his daughter, and he had thought quite a lot about moving, but he wasn’t able to yet financially.
After having rung the bell, he waited patiently until the door opened in front of him and a familiar face peeked out from the inside.
“Y/N! You’re Jeni’s mom?”
“And you’re Byeol’s father, Jaehyun? What a coincidence!”
Now, it dawned on you.
Byeol seemed out of touch with the world of girls her age just like you, because your wife was dead. And there were certain things fathers couldn’t teach or show their daughters, no matter how hard they tried. Some things were only left to moms.
“Daddy!” Byeol came running out of the living room and greeted her father by the door. “I quickly put on my shoes and then we can go!”
“So… you’re still up for tomorrow?” you asked Jaehyun.
“Of course,” he confirmed. “Byeol has been talking nonstop about Jeni since their first day, by the way.”
“Same applies to Jeni. These two really found each other, it seems. It’s funny that, out of all the people, we started talking to each other as well.”
Since your daughters had quickly become friends, it didn’t wonder you much why you had felt a connection to each other from the very first moment as well.
When Byeol and Jaehyun were sitting inside his car shortly after, she couldn’t stop blabbering about how her day went. Jaehyun had never seen her so excited before. It had also been the first time that she had been invited over to someone’s house.
“Jeni has so many dolls and we played with all of them, daddy! And then, her mommy came up to us and helped us dress up as princesses! She even allowed us to use her lipstick, but we cleaned it off before dinner already. That was cooked by her granny, by the way! She lives with her mommy and her grandparents there and someone is always home. They made kimbap!”
“I’m happy that you had so much fun, Byeol. Did your mommy have fun too?”
That was a usual question Jaehyun asked as he knew her imaginary mother accompanied Byeol everywhere, and he didn’t want to make her feel as though he disregarded her own coping mechanisms.
But Byeol kept quiet.
“Dear? Is everything okay?”
“I… forgot her,” she only brought out.
“What?” Jaehyun was confused.
“I forgot her. I forgot mommy! She accompanied me to Jeni’s house, but I forgot her there! That never happened before!”
Even though Jaehyun couldn’t see her from the driver’s seat, he could hear how her voice became unstable, shakier, until she started crying.
“Okay, honey, no worries, I’ll drive back to Jeni’s house and we’ll get your mommy, alright?”
In the rear window, Jaehyun saw her nodding and took the next U-turn back.
Byeol had had so much fun that she had simply forgotten about her imaginary mother. She was afraid that one day, she would forget about her entirely and that on that day, she would simply disappear.
That could never happen.
“Please, don’t ask,” Jaehyun told you when you opened your door.
“Mommy!” Byeol stormed past you into the house and you were left alone with Jaehyun by the door.
“I know,” you confessed. “She told me today.”
The way he suddenly changed to behaving so uncomfortably indicated to you that this was a highly sensitive topic to him that he didn’t want to discuss with you in passing.
Everyone needed their own time to cope with grief, and Jaehyun clearly wasn’t out of his phase and over his wife’s death yet.
The ring on his finger was proof enough to you.
“What’s this even?” Jaehyun asked the week after as you came to a halt in front of a children’s clothing store in the mall.
Somehow, your schedule to follow through with your shopping trip hadn’t matched up the planned day, so you rescheduled to the week after when Byeol was at your place again and your mother volunteered to take care of her and Jeni after school.
But the short interactions between Jaehyun and you before picking up your daughters had remained on the days where it was your turn. And somehow, you started to look forward to them.
“That’s a tutu.”
“Do elementary school girls wear something like this?”
“Only to ballett and if they want to be special. Now come in, we want to buy a few hair clips for Byeol.”
Jaehyun was quite impressed and simultaneously intimidated by the stuff they were offering to children nowadays. He was a rather practical person, which was why he had never paid much attention to colours or cuts, but he now knew that these things became important to his daughter, so he wanted to change his way of thinking.
Jaehyun was also very relieved that you hadn’t broached the topic of his deceased wife yet. Whether it rooted from your sympathetic nature or no care attitude, he was thankful for your discretion one way or another.
“What’s your daughter’s favorite colour?”
“It’s…” Jaehyun paused. “I… don’t know.”
“What do you mean you don’t know? Which colour does she use the most when painting? What shirt colour does she like to wear the most?”
“I rarely see her paintings. And I only bring her clothes I find while grocery shopping or so. Whatever is cheap and practical since children grow out of clothes fast and get them dirty all the time.”
“Is it bad?” He sounded worried, but you immediately shook your head.
“If it works for you, you shouldn’t worry about that.”
“I’m only worried that it’s… not enough. And she knows that I cannot provide her more, because I’m just… a father. Not a mother. Or both in one person, even though I try my best to do so.”
“That’s okay, Jaehyun,” you told him as you wandered through the aisles. “You don’t have to fulfill both roles. But you also shouldn’t just overlook your daughter’s desires. Even if she doesn’t voice them out yet, try to pay attention to random things she drops. I’m sure you’ll make her even happier like that.”
Your words sounded very comforting to him, so he smiled while he followed you through the aisles.
In the end, you chose a light blue skirt with volants, a cute, white blouse and a pack of colorful clips as well as a new backpack for Byeol. You had recommended Jaehyun to choose neutral colours first as you find the typical pink way too over the top in case this wasn’t Byeol’s taste.
From the way he nervously held onto the steering wheel while driving to your house, you could see that Jaehyun was quite tense.
“Don’t worry about it, I’m sure Byeol will like it.” And carefully, you added. “And her mom as well.”
“Do you think it’s alarming?” he then asked you, apparently having decided to want another person’s insight, that’s how much he trusted you already. “For her to have an imaginary friend. I mean… she barely doesn’t remember her mother herself, mostly from photos. Yet, she often talks to her, takes her everywhere and treats her like a real person which made her a target in kindergarten.”
“If she’s a target now, I’m sure Jeni will handle the bullies. In our house, we treat her and her mother as everyone else, we’ve adapted to it. And no, it’s not alarming. It’s just her way of coping. When growing up, imaginary friends vanish. Until then, no one should disregard her feelings and always take her seriously. That’s very important.”
“That’s what the therapist said as well.” Jaehyun breathed out audibly. “I’m just afraid that it will break her heart when one day, it happens that she realizes her mother disappeared.”
You didn’t know what to answer to that as he was most likely right.
“What… happened?” you then brought over to ask. A question that had been on your tongue for way too long, but you just felt that the timing was right now. “To your wife, I mean.”
“Pneumonia. She succumbed to the chronical illness after a long battle in the hospital. Byeol was only three years old.”
“My condolences. I’m sorry about that. It wasn’t easy on you as a single father with a young daughter, I assume.”
“Thank you. And no. My parents don’t live in the same city and I work as much as I can to make ends meet. Sometimes, it’s very hard, yet I try to provide Byeol everything she needs. But even I cannot grasp everything.”
For you, who had experienced her parents’ full support throughout everything, you couldn’t fathom the ups and downs Jaehyun had been put through. Nobody could hold it against him that he made mistakes. Everyone did.
“If you ever need help, I’m here, okay?”
He only nodded, yet you still felt that he wholeheartedly accepted your offer.
Jaehyun didn’t have many friends as he didn’t have much time left for himself, and most of his acquaintances were still in their party and single life phase. Having someone with the same routine and time schedule as him, for the first time since his wife’s death, he felt that he was being truly understood.
“She was an absolute planned child though,” Jaehyun explained. “If I had known, I would still have gotten her.”
“And nothing else matters in the end,” you added.
That your own child was the result of a drunk college night with your now ex boyfriend who had left you, you kept to yourself. That was what your ring was for.
In the end, you thought that for Jaehyun, it didn’t matter anyway as he was still very much married to his deceased wife, even in his thoughts. Just like his daughter.
They hadn’t let go of her yet.
“We’re back!” you then announced when you and Jaehyun walked into your house. “Byeol, your daddy is here! And he has a present for you!”
Byeol and Jeni came running down the stairs where Jaehyun was already waiting, with a bag in his hands.
“What is it, daddy?”
Byeol reached out her hands and he handed the bag over to her. “Just a little something for you.”
With hasty fingers, she opened the bag and suddenly, a bright smile mixed with surprise spread all over her face. “What’s that, daddy?” Byeol pulled out a set of clothing that had never been in her belongings before. And on top of that, a brand new backpack.
“Well…” Jaehyun got on his knees to face her. “I just thought you wanted more clothes girls your age wear. You have also grown out of your old backpack. And if you dig a little deeper, you will also find a few hair clips.”
‘“Thank you, daddy!” Without inspecting the presents further, Byeol dropped everything and instantly jumped into her father’s arms. “I love you so much, daddy!”
“Admittedly, Y/N helped me pick them out and told me what girls like. She was really awesome, so next time, your father won’t only come home with shorts and tees.”
“Thank you, Y/N!” Byeol also gave you a tight hug that you returned. “Can I try them on now, daddy?”
The two girls disappeared upstairs again and Jaehyun followed you to the living room where you sat down and chatted until it was time for the dinner your mother had prepared and you had invited the Jeong family to.
What Jaehyun noticed though was that there were a lot of photos put up - of you and Jeni and the family of course, a typical grandparents thing. But in none of these pictures did he spot a male person around your age. A quick look at your finger assured him that you were married nonetheless.
But where was your husband that you always said “I love you” to over the phone? Was he living abroad? Jaehyun couldn’t bring it over himself to ask though.
“Your mom can sit here,” you said as everyone came together for dinner.
You brought a stool close to the dining table where you had already prepared a place setting for Byeol’s imaginary mother.
“Thank you, Y/N!” Byeol said happily and from the corner of your eyes, you felt Jaehyun smiling at you as well.
And it somehow gave you pleasant goose gumps.
After elementary school, your two children had talked you into visiting the playground together, so you and Jaehyun were waiting by the ice cream truck while Jeni and Byeol discovered the monkey bars.
“How was she?” you asked Jaehyun. “Your wife. Only if I may ask! You don’t have to answer if it makes you uncomfortable, you know.”
“We’ve gotten together in high school,” Jaehyun told you as you moved forward in the queue. “She was my first girlfriend. I loved her very much and Byeol completed our happiness. We saved up to buy a house together and probably move to the countryside. She loved the countryside. Overall, she was a very laid-back and calm person. Byeol probably has her personality from her. And her features as well.”
The way he spoke so fondly of her made you like his wife as well. Not the slightest trace of sadness resonated in his voice. It was like a happy memory he liked to think about every now and then.
“I think I would have liked her very much.”
“I think she would have liked you as well.”
As you got your ice cream, you seated yourselves on a bench where a group of mothers from the elementary school just happened to pass by. One of them was the woman who had tried to hit on Jaehyun in the beginning.
When she spotted you two, she directly checked you out from head to toe. Jaehyun knew what it must have looked like. You two were here with children and happened to both wear rings. She didn’t quite like what she saw, but Jaehyun wasn’t interested in clearing up the situation. This was exactly what the ring was for and the fact that you were also wearing one was only convenient to him.
“What is it?” you asked as Jaehyun suddenly stared at you.
“Chocolate is your favorite flavor you said?”
“You cannot overlook that.”
“What do you mean?”
He laughed. “If you always look like this while eating chocolate ice cream, the baby wipes should be for you, not for Jeni.”
“Hey!” you defended yourself playfully. “That’s not true!”
The next thing Jaehyun felt was something cold in his face that then turned sticky. You laughed light-heartedly upon discovering his lips that were smeared with chocolate ice cream after you had smashed it into his face.
His shocked expression but then got quickly replaced with cheekiness. “Just you wait!”
You stood up and tried to run away, but Jaehyun was quick in holding you in place by your arm.
“Noooo!” you yelled, but it was too late as you already had his sticky vanilla ice cream all in your face.
To the other parents, you must have looked like crazy people. Or a couple totally in love.
“Mommy, what are you doing?”
It was only when your children stood in front of you that you both calmed down.
“Oh, we were just having an ice cream war,” you explained and Jaehyun laughed.
“Daddy, can we participate in the ice cream war?”
“Next time, honey. Our ice cream is all gone and look at us now!”
“I’ll go to the bathroom to clean myself up,” you announced.
“I have to go to the bathroom too,” Byeol said.
Jaehyun nodded. “Okay dear, I’ll take you there.”
“I want to go with Y/N,” she protested vehemently.
A look at you, and you confirmed that it was okay for you to go with his daughter. “Come with me, Byeol.”
“Can you buy me ice cream, Jaehyun?” Jeni then asked as you went away with Byeol.
“Sure. What’s your favorite flavor?”
She raised her hand and grabbed Jaehyun’s. Pleasantly surprised, he squeezed it. “Just like your mother, huh. I wouldn’t be surprised if it’s your father’s favorite flavour too.”
It was a nonchalant assumption that he dropped by passing without even quite realizing the background, but Jeni just shrugged.
“I don’t know what his favorite flavor is,” she stated dryly.
Jaehyun assumed that he was not the only one that came from a broken family, but that you were also carrying around quite a baggage you hadn’t been ready to talk about yet.
“What’s your favorite flavor, Jaehyun?”
“That’s something I can remember.”
“Why don’t you go out with Byeol’s father?” your mother asked you when you gave yourself a last check in your mirror. “This Jaehyun guy is exceptionally handsome. Even I, as an old woman, can see it.”
“Because…” You closed your clutch. “He’s not over his wife's death yet. And he doesn’t know that I’m actually not married. I want to leave it like that.”
“So you do like him.”
“Please, mom! He’s still wearing his wedding ring. That says it all, right?”
“Those are only excuses you push towards him. What about you?”
You flattened your satin blouse and brushed the last lints from your skirt. “Mom, not now again.”
“Byeol said her daddy only wears the ring, because otherwise, different women would visit them. And Byeol doesn’t like this. So to prevent this, Jaehyun wears it.”
“Jeni!” You turned around. “What are you even talking about? And you should be in bed already!”
Your daughter jumped down the stairs into your direction. “But it’s true! There was a time, where Byeol saw different women entering and leaving their home, and she didn’t want it to happen anymore. So her father said ok, the ring would keep them away. And then her mommy came back. Do you think those women were witches or ghosts, mommy? Or why does the ring keep them away?”
“Alright, dear.” Your mother picked up Jeni from the ground. “I’ll bring you to bed.”
“But Byeol really likes you, mommy! That’s surely why the ring doesn't work with you!”
You gave your daughter a kiss on her forehead. “Goodnight, dear.”
The whole ride in the taxi to the bar where you would meet your date, you thought about Jeni’s words. It didn’t take you long to get to the gist of what she was trying to say through her imaginative string of thoughts:
Jaehyun wore his ring because he didn’t want women to come close to him since his daughter was still trying to cope with her mother’s death. Whether it was also convenient to him, whether he wanted this too or only did it for his daughter’s sake, you didn’t know.
Throughout your entire date, you couldn’t stop thinking about this.
“You don’t seem like you’re having much fun,” your date judged after a while.
“I’m sorry, my thoughts were just with my daughter who-”
You closed your hands over your mouth.
“You have children?”
This was your first date in years that your friend had arranged for you and you messed it up. Your motto was to open up about your family situation only later, to check out first how the guy’s opinion on family and children was, and now you blew it.
“Man, if I had known about this… A single mom...”
But lucky you, you only thought when you saw how his reaction unfolded. A guy who couldn’t handle your daughter definitely wasn’t worthy of your time as you only came in a pack.
“Yeah, I have a beautiful six year old daughter,” you declared. “And I’ll now go back to her as you’re only a waste of time. Good riddance.”
Except that you didn’t go home, but found yourself in front of Jaehyun’s apartment building instead. You had been here so often before to drop off Jeni, so why were you nervous now all of a sudden?
You rang the bell and didn’t expect Jaehyun to answer in the first place as it was already past midnight, even though Byeol was with her grandparents in Incheon for the weekend. But he did.
You had already opened your mouth again to explain to him why you were here, but Jaehyun didn’t ask. Wordless, he let you in. When you reached the right floor, he was already peeking out of his door.
“Did something happen?” he asked when you entered his flat.
Dressed only in pajama shorts and a white t-shirt, you followed him to the couch in the living room. You had visited him almost weekly, but without the childish laughter of your children around you, it suddenly dawned on you that this was the apartment of a single man, and that you were alone with him in here.
“I brought wine.” You held the bottle up in the air.
“Okay, something did happen. Tell me about it.”
Jaehyun seated himself next to you with two glasses as you opened the bottle and filled the glasses almost to the very top.
“Why is it that single moms have to live with such a stigma?” you whined and took the first sip at the same time as Jaehyun. “The mothers in kindergarten, now in elementary school… Even men avoid me as soon as I confess that I’m a single mom. That’s just not fair.”
“Wait…” Jaehyun had problems following you. “What do you mean that you’re a single mom?”
“I’m a single mom.”
“But you’re wearing a-” He tilted his head to where your ring was supposed to be, but then noticed that it wasn’t in its usual place. The finger was empty. “Your ring…”
“It’s a fake ring.”
“And Jeni’s father?” Jaehyun knew that this question was probably worded a bit clumsily, but he needed to know right now. Suddenly, it somehow all fell together, even what Jeni had said to him by the playground.
“Was my ex boyfriend from university. In comparison to Byeol, Jeni wasn’t a planned child. The father was just as shocked as me and left not too long after. They still see each other sometimes, but she doesn’t quite see him as a father figure and he’s not really interested in being one either.”
“So you’ve never been married and still are not.”
You were puzzled why, out of all the things you just confessed, he was focusing only on the fact that you weren’t taken, and had never been. But then again… Jaehyun was a father himself. If someone wouldn’t judge you, then it was him.
“I’m sorry that I made you think I was married,” you apologized. “I just thought it wasn’t… relevant.”
“Why shouldn’t it be?” he asked.
“Because…” You didn’t know whether it was the first effects of the wine, but you suddenly started sweating in nervousness. Why even?
Why even? Was also a question Jaehyun asked himself.
The revealed fact shouldn’t stir something inside him. Honestly, it should be absolutely irrelevant to him. You were the mother of his daughter’s best friend. Yet, this new information lifted a veil from his eyes and it was like, for the very first time in so long, he was able to see clearly again.
And what he saw was a woman he had so much fun with, provided him with necessary tips for his daughter’s upbringing and didn’t judge him as a single father.
But above all, also a woman who suddenly had become desirable to him.
“Because,” Jaehyun whispered your words in repeat as he slid closer to you, and you didn’t withdraw. “It was the only thing that held me back from doing this.”
You hadn’t kissed someone in such a long time. You didn’t know how it felt anymore to kiss a man. But when Jaehyun kissed you, it was like you had been dead this entire time and were only brought back to life now.
Always, you had only been a mother. By daytime, you were a mother. In everyone else’s eyes, you were a mother. For once, you wanted to be a woman, and Jaehyun made you feel like a woman at this very moment.
You wrapped your legs around his waist, and without having to part your lips, Jaehyun grabbed you by your buttocks and arose from the couch. He found the way into his bedroom with only one eye open where he gently placed you onto the mattress.
Jaehyun’s lips didn’t stay on yours for too much longer. They were caressing the side of your neck shortly after, and you let out soft mewls as they wandered even further down to your cleavage. Every inch of your body that he passed by was burning and craved to be touched only for a bit longer.
Your fingers entangled in his hair as Jaehyun undid your blouse and out sprung your breasts that you hadn’t hidden in a bra today. Licking over his lips, he took them into his hands and squeezed the mounds that felt so full in his warm palms. The way his fingers then played with your nipples made you squeeze your thighs together and angle your back into his direction.
Whether it was because he was so good at touching the right spots or because your body had gotten so sensitive with the lack of attention, you didn’t know. But you sensed that Jaehyun was on the same page as you felt his erection pressing between your thighs as he laid himself on top of you.
Opening your blouse fully, you helped him get rid of it, then of his own t-shirt. But instead of falling back on the bed, you turned Jaehyun around so that he was the one lying down now.
“What?” he only wondered when you tugged on the waistband of his pajama pants. And then, he grinned and gladly let you do so.
His erection slapped back against his navel as you pulled down his pants, and he helped you strip it from his feet so that he was lying naked in front of you.
While Jaehyun was still anticipating what was about to come next, you seated yourself on his lower hip with his length in between your opening. Bending down, you kissed him on his lips first, but when his grip entangled in your hair in a spur of passion, you trailed your kisses down along his prominent chest until you reached his navel with your mouth.
Jaehyun’s dick twitched against your entrance, and you too now couldn’t await your full joining anymore. Still dressed in your skirt - which Jaehyun found utterly sexy beyond words - he helped you lift yourself up by your thighs and directed you to his tip on which he then slowly let you sink down on.
You grimaced at the pain with which he passed through your opening, a sharp and burning grind that was usual to experience when you hadn’t been with someone in so long, but to your dismay, Jaehyun could directly look into his face and the pain didn’t pass by him as well.
He stretched out his hand and placed it on your cheek. “Everything alright? We can stop if it hurts.”
You shook your head and placed your own hand on top of his. “I’m getting used to it.”
“Take it slow.”
You felt Jaehyun’s thumb softly brush over your skin and somehow, it added something so lovingly to this act that it made your heart flutter.
Cautiously, when you thought you had adjusted to his length, you began moving. Jaehyun was throbbing heavily inside you, and you weren’t able to remember that this position hit you so deeply. You felt his thickness intensely when you moved your hips in circular motions, gyrating them against his.
To get a steady hold, you put your hands on his chest as you gently rolled your hips against his pelvis, feeling him reach parts inside of you that pleasured you sweetly. Aspiring to chase after this pleasure, you changed your motions and decided to lift your hips and slam them back down on him again.
The first time you did this, you both moaned and Jaehyun buried his fingers deep into your ass cheeks. You threw your head back in satisfaction as you repeated the motion until you were screaming so loudly that you couldn’t hear Jaehyun and your slaps against his body anymore.
Sweat ran down your neck as it took you much strength. It collected in your cleavage between your breasts and rolled down your stomach until it disappeared in your skirt. You were so close to cumming, but you had totally run out of breath, and that was Jaehyun’s cue.
“My turn now?”
Being only able to nod, he flipped you around onto your stomach. Pulling your skirt up to reveal the full sight of your bum to him, Jaehyun gave you a hard slap against your cheek that made you scream but simultaneously crave for more.
Collection your hands by your back, he took them into his and pushed himself inside you from behind. Holding you by your arms and having brought up your hips to meet his angle better, he mercilessly and kind of desperately rammed into you with a steady rhythm so fast that you gave up counting how many pushes it took for him to bring you over the edge.
Your face was buried in the pillow, sliding along the sheets whenever he moved back and forth, but to let him hear what he did to you, you turned your face aside and screamed from the top of your lungs the moment your orgasm hit you like a wave a desert.
That was exactly how you felt. A moment two contrasts so great hitting each other, the joining was beyond words. You swore that you saw stars that moment.
Jaehyun came in long spurts all over the sheets only shortly after you while still holding onto you tightly.
He had slept with many women after his wife’s death to move past this tragedy, but none had ever made him feel the way you did. Suddenly, you weren’t just Jeni’s mother for him anymore. He wanted to take you again and again as he had seemingly forgotten how not only passionate and fun, but also enjoyable sex could be again.
Jaehyun had only felt this way with his wife.
And suddenly, he felt so guilty - for having actual feelings again. Even though he had seen it coming at some point, now that he truly felt it again, it scared him that he was actually moving on by himself.
He wasn’t sure anymore whether he was ready.
The ring on his finger felt like it had burnt itself into his skin.
When you woke up the next morning, Jaehyun wasn’t lying next to you anymore.
Looking out of the window, you noted that it was already shortly before midday. You quickly collected your clothes that had been thrown to the bed’s side, dressed yourself and walked into the living where Jaehyun had already tidied up everything from last night.
“Good morning,” you greeted him.
“Morning,” he greeted back and approached you. Not wanting to make it awkward, he came straight to the point. “Last night was a mistake.”
You froze, totally bewildered. “What?”
“When my wife died… around two years after, I tried dating again. I knew she wanted it that way, for me to move on and continue living. But it scared Byeol to see other women here apart from her mom. That’s when she started imagining her. We’re both stuck and I cannot leave her behind. I know my feelings for my wife will never change, and I also know that I cannot live in the past forever. For now though, I must. For Byeol.”
“Okay.” You agreed. “This, I understand.”
What Jaehyun didn’t tell you was that he was scared. Of falling again. Of loving again. How was it possible that his wife had been his true love when he started to feel the same with another person again?
He couldn’t wrap his head around it.
“I cannot start dating again before Byeol moves on herself. I’m sorry.”
Somehow, this had gotten extremely awkward for you as it felt like a direct rejection, even though you hadn’t even approached him that way. Even though now, you desperately wanted to.
That’s when you knew you had to leave. Abruptly, you turned around, shifting your back to him. “I’m sorry, it was a bad idea to come here, to do this.”
“I-” Jaehyun stuttered. “Even though I want to. I’m just… not there yet.”
You only let out a saddened, “I’m sorry, I won’t only be your bed bunny, Jaehyun.”
“Y/N, I didn’t mean it like that!”
But you were already out of the door.
You still didn’t speak to Jaehyun, not even when he dropped Byeol off for a sleepover the weekend after. Instead of picking Jeni up yourself from elementary school, you sent your mom and closed the door in front of Jaehyun’s nose with only a “goodbye” whenever he came around.
“My father is so sad lately,” you then heard Byeol whisper when you came up the stairs to Jeni’s room later that night.
Wanting to listen, you stopped by the door.
“I hear him constantly speaking to your mom on the phone, but she doesn’t seem to answer.” You vaguely remembered that you hadn’t opened any of Jaehyun’s voice messages yet. “Do you think they could have gotten into an argument?”
“Is it because of the ring that he is wearing? The one that makes women go away?”
“I don’t think so! It only makes bad women go away. Your mommy is a good woman. I want her to be around me and my daddy. He is much happier with her. But she seems like she doesn’t want to be with him anymore lately. That makes me sad.”
“Yeah, me too,” you listened to your daughter’s soft voice. “I like your dad too, but he rarely stays now.”
It caused you a bad conscience that you were listening to such an intimate talk, so you decided to interrupt the two of them.
“Hey girls. Ready for bed yet?”
You walked over to your daughter’s bed and gave her a kiss on the cheek. Then kneeling next to the mattress on the ground, you gave Byeol a gentle kiss on her forehead. An urge made you stroke her cheek and hair.
“Y/N,” Byeol then spoke to you. “My daddy is much happier when you’re around. Can you please make him happy again? He’s so sad lately, because you’re not there anymore.”
“Byeol… there are many things children don’t understand that’s happening between adults. It’s... not that easy sometimes.”
You couldn’t be mad at Jaehyun. If it was your daughter, you would’ve done the same, you now totally understood why he had to draw a line. After Byeol’s words, you were also able to look through his facade to come to the conclusion that old feelings towards his wife were also still in the cards.
But that didn’t mean that he wasn’t feeling something for you.
He just wasn’t there yet.
And that was totally fine, you wouldn’t hold it against him anymore. When the timing and your feelings were right, you would get your chance again.
“How do you like the new clothes I bought for you?” Jaehyun asked Byeol. “Ready for the park?”
She was wearing a bright yellow dress and a straw hat. Jaehyun knew that he was only making progress with her as he had gotten help from you, and it saddened him very much that you were still mad at him. Justifiably.
He didn’t regret the night. Admittedly, he wanted to experience more. But it was true that his daughter came first. And his own wellbeing after such a tragedy had struck, he needed to come clear with himself first. If anyone would understand, then it was you. His many voice messages to you told you exactly that.
And if Jaehyun had looked at his phone that afternoon, he would have also seen that you had listened to all of them and were trying to reach out to him again after weeks of radio silence. But he didn’t yet.
“Daddy, I don’t think I want to go to the park today.”
“So? Where to then?”
“I want to visit mommy.”
“But she’s here right now, right?”
Byeol stared at you. “I want to visit mommy’s grave.”
She had never used this wording before which was why Jaehyun was kind of perplexed, but he took her there nonetheless. Together, they visited the grave only on his wife’s death day since Byeol had her imaginary friend.
Alone, he came here much more often, but his visits had shortened. In the beginning, he had talked to her the entire day. Then, during the second year, he stood there for an hour. In the third, Jaehyun brought flowers and left after ten minutes. Now, he was so occupied with many things that he only found a few minutes to spare.
After arriving by the cemetery, Jaehyun and Byeol stood in front of his deceased wife’s grave on a warm summer afternoon - a great contrast to the day of her funeral.
“Mommy says that she won’t be around here that often anymore, daddy.”
Jaehyun let his gaze fall upon his daughter whose hand he was holding. “What?”
“Mommy has gotten very busy and cannot accompany me everywhere anymore. She will remain here. When we want to talk to her, we can come here. She always senses when one of us is coming, so she’ll descend here and listen to us. But she cannot follow me around anymore, daddy.”
Jaehyun didn’t know what to say. He had expected the moment his daughter let go of her mother would be linked to tears and much screaming when realization hit. Or that she’d suddenly stop mentioning her, having her vinish little by little.
But instead, his daughter opened up to him here and now that she was letting go.
And moving on.
“Mommy wants us both to be happy, daddy. She doesn’t want to be in the way.”
“Oh dear…” Jaehyun sank to his knees and cupped his daughter’s face. “Your mommy is never in the way. She knows that we love her deeply and will always continue loving her, no matter what happens and who’ll enter our lives. Your mommy will always be a part of it.”
At once, Byeol slung her arms around her father and started crying. “I-I don’t... want mommy to dis- dis… appear.”
With much compassion, Jaehyun hugged her back. “She won’t ever disappear. She'll always be here. See?” Tenderly, he pushed her backwards and pointed at her heart. With her fist, Byeol rubbed over her eyes. “In your heart. In mine. And in everyone else’s she was a part of.”
“C-can… can we visit her often?” she sobbed.
“As often as you want.”
“Can… can Y/N be with us instead of mommy?”
“What do you mean?”
“I don’t want Y/N to be invisible to everyone else like my mommy. But you now treat her like she’s invisible. And one day, she’ll disappear too. Like mommy. I don’t want that.”
“Oh dear…” Jaehyun smiled slightly and wiped his daughter’s tears away. “This time, I won’t make someone you love disappear. I promise.”
Again, Byeol fell into Jaehyun’s arms.
Where she had been the one comforting him during the funeral, he was the one comforting her now three years later. She cried her eyes out as she was letting go of her beloved mother.
And that was totally fine. Everyone needed their own time to grieve, their own way to grieve. And then, they could move on.
Jaehyun felt his wife smiling at them from above.
He wasn’t stuck anymore.
And one day, when the timing was right and your feelings on the same page, he could imagine putting down his old wedding ring and turning the fake one on your finger into a real one.
1K notes · View notes
no guidance (M)
pairing: Jaehyun (NCT) + you (reader)
genre: knocked up; heavy at times but mostly humor; smut
word count: 19.8k (i am actually happy with this length)
summary: You insist on keeping things casual with Jaehyun, even though he wants something more serious, but then you miss a period and in an instant, your lives are turned completely upside down.
warnings: some cursing; lots of dialogue involving unplanned pregnancy; descriptions of childbirth; explicit sexual content
a/n: listening to no guidance (remix) by ayzha nyree; this is a one-shot, there will be no sequels; check the masterlist in my description for other one-shots in this collection; happy reading!
It’s complicated. That was always how you chose to describe your relationship with Jaehyun.
That being said, you were counting down the minutes until he knocked on your door. You had dragged your feet home after a long day of work and hopped into a hot shower, making sure your legs were freshly shaven for all the action you were about to get.
No sooner had you finished dressing and fixing your hair, there was an impatient knocking at your door and you opened it without hesitation, flirting, “Took you long enough.”
“Traffic is a bitch and speeding is a crime,” Jaehyun retorted, stepping inside and smashing his lips on yours.
You chuckled against his mouth as you threaded your fingers into his dark hair. Jaehyun kicked your door shut behind him and parted from you just long enough to lock it, giving you a brief opportunity to press the wettest of kisses to his neck.
Which did nothing but rile him up.
Not surprising, you didn’t even make it to the bed. Jaehyun hauled you onto the dresser, popped your legs around his waist and entered you with one slow thrust. You let your head fall back and moaned, half-naked with your skirt hiked around your ribs and your panties hanging from your ankle.
At some point in the messy race to your bedroom, you had managed to pull off Jaehyun’s white button-down shirt and he had borderline ripped your tank top. With a toss, your bra landed by the sofa, not far from his pants.
Jaehyun gripped the dresser on opposite sides of your hips and rammed his cock into your wet cunt, setting a hurried pace. His teeth clamped to the bridge of your shoulder, a measure to keep himself from moaning. Fuck, you always wrapped around him so tight.
You fisted a hand in his hair and groaned, “Fuck, Jay.” You loved when he was rough, loved when he just couldn’t hold back anymore. When Jaehyun made love to you, you were on some next level high, but when he fucked you, you swore you could see stars.
The dresser bumped against the wall loudly to a quicker rhythm and you found purchase on Jaehyun’s broad shoulders. Your breath was warm on his neck as you panted, holding him close to you. His pace was hard, but not jarring, and fast enough to steadily coax you toward the edge.
It tempted your lips into a smile; how accustomed your body was to his, how perfectly he fit against you - and inside you. Though years had passed since your first time with Jaehyun (when the two of you fumbled together like the pair of virgins you were), your heart still beat a little quicker, a little heavier.
After all this time, you were convinced that would never change.
You knew you were lucky to have found the closest thing to a soulmate in Jaehyun. He was your best friend, the person you fell asleep thinking about, and the boy who wouldn’t hesitate to be by your side whenever you needed him.
With that thought, you yanked on Jaehyun’s hair and earned a hiss through his teeth. You made him look into your eyes then, pressing your lips softly to his while he fucked you. Jaehyun hummed quietly at the feel of your tongue flicking into his mouth and wrapped his muscled arms around your waist.
You kissed him hotly and purred, “Harder, baby.”
Jaehyun scooped you up in his arms and made for the bed, kicking off his boxers from where they had been slung around his ankles. You made a wanton sound when he shoved you onto the mattress, flipped you over like you weighed nothing, and pushed his stiff cock back into your pussy.
You whimpered, his hand heavy at the base of your neck, and gripped the blankets beneath you for dear life. It was all you could do to arch your back, ass in the air, and take his thrusts. He was out to finish you both hard and fast.
“Bad day?” you managed to tease.
“The worst,” he growled, tightening his grasp on your body and plowing into you.
You weren’t complaining.
Jaehyun didn’t slow his relentless pace until you came with a cry, fisting your hands in the sheets and chanting curses like a mantra. You shivered with release, slumped into the bed, and begged Jaehyun to fill you.
Satisfied, you smirked when Jaehyun stilled abruptly, his cock pulsing and painting your walls with cum. The moan that left his throat was guttural and deep, and made you want to ride the soul out of him.
Jaehyun glanced down, getting one last look of every inch of his cock sheathed inside you, and finally noticed how tightly his fingers were pressed into the soft flesh of your hips. You stayed still and pliant, and the kneading of your sex on his length made his eyes roll back. Jaehyun released a long sigh, sated, and collapsed at your side.
You were panting like you couldn’t quite catch your breath and looked over to see Jaehyun’s chest heaving. Chuckling, you reached over and scraped your nails across his burly chest, teasing over a nipple. Atta boy, you wanted to say.
Eventually, you wobbled to the bathroom and cleaned yourself up, while Jaehyun slipped to your kitchen for a glass of water to wet his dry throat.
After donning your pajamas and situating yourself in bed, Jaehyun returned and made himself comfortable beside you. Draping an arm over your waist and pressing a gentle kiss to the corner of your mouth, Jaehyun asked, “Can I crash here?”
“Of course,” you replied, as if it were obvious.
Jaehyun gave a faux pout and buried his face in the crook of your neck, his question muffled against your skin, “Will you please just be my girlfriend already?”
“I told you, Jay. I don’t have time,” you reminded him, not meaning for the words to come out so bluntly.
Jaehyun grumbled, “But you make time to fuck me.”
You nodded. “Yeah, we agreed to keep things casual. Remember?”
That was debatable and you knew it. Jaehyun had been trying to date you since day one, but you hadn’t been ready for the serious relationship that he was after. He didn’t want to be a fuck buddy, he wanted to be the boyfriend, but he accepted the casual arrangement because it was all you would give him.
“I don’t want to be casual,” Jaehyun spoke up, propping his head on his hand and peering down at you. “I want more.”
You stared up at him in defiance, setting your jaw. You couldn’t understand why he had to rehash this nearly every time you were together. “I can’t give you more. You know that.”
Jaehyun exhaled loudly, slumping forward and resting his head on your shoulder. “It’s not fair. Nothing about this relationship is fair.”
Sensing defeat, you stroked his naked back softly and crooned, “We’re gonna end up together eventually. That’s what we’ve always said and known. Why do you want to slap a label on us now that my career is taking off?”
Jaehyun sat up abruptly, eyes full of anger, and huffed, “I think we should take a break.”
Your heart sank somewhere into your stomach. “What?”
Jaehyun clambered out of your bed and stood to full height, saying, “Yeah, maybe we should think things over and see if this…,” he pointed between you and him, and continued coldly, “Arrangement is the best thing for us.”
You propped up on your elbows and started, “Jaehyun…”
Jaehyun pulled on his jeans and fastened them quickly. “I’m serious. This whole running around and fucking is old. We’re not kids anymore.”
“Yeah, but we’re not boomers either,” you quipped, trying to lighten how heavy the air had become.
His voice was trembling. “I’m tired of forcing something onto you that you don’t want, but I’ve bent over backwards to be whatever you’ve wanted and you’ve never even tried to return the favor. I don’t want to be just sex. It makes me feel like shit.”
You opened your mouth to apologize, but he didn’t let you get a word in.
Jaehyun slipped into his shirt and scolded, “You don’t want to settle down. I get it. But I’m ready and maybe it’s time I found someone on the same page as me. Who wants me for more than just a fuck.”
That hurt. For fuck’s sake, did that wound you like nothing else. You knew this had been broiling, stirring beneath the surface and growing hotter with every night spent together.
You wrapped your arms around yourself, as if a sudden chill had filled the room, and replied softly, “You’re right. I’m sorry. You should be with someone who makes you happy.”
Jaehyun shook his head. He was the epitome of disappointment but not surprise. You didn’t hesitate to choose yourself over him. Every single time. You didn’t even think about it for a second.
Frustrated, Jaehyun spat, “How long are you gonna hide behind that job - acting like this has nothing to do with your self-absorbed fear of commitment? Just admit you don’t wanna be in a relationship because you're selfish!”
You stood, filled with rage, and yelled, “Get the fuck out!”
Though the last thing you wanted him to do was leave, you couldn't let him be right. And you damn sure couldn't let him talk to you like that; like he had even the slightest clue how it felt to be broken and have to put yourself back together again. Piece by fucking piece.
Jaehyun set his jaw, realizing he had gone too far, but was too prideful to admit it. He dug in his heels, sensing he was on the edge of an argument that would leave a massive fracture in your friendship. So, Jaehyun let go a sigh instead.
For your sake - and for how much he loved you - he bowed out.
You watched him grab his phone then storm out of your bedroom. His footsteps were heavy in your living room, collecting the rest of his clothes. A moment later, you heard the front door slam shut and you were safe to sit on the edge of your bed and cry.
Jaehyun hopped into his car and fumbled the keys into the ignition with shaky hands. God, he hated confrontation. He was on the verge of tears and that infuriated him. Why did he want you so badly when you never loved him the way he loved you? He would give up anything just to be with you.
You were greedy. You were selfish. But goddamn if he wasn’t out of his mind in love with you. Hopelessly.
Jaehyun exhaled roughly, releasing his pent up tension, and chastised himself for bringing it up in the first place. He started the car and pulled out of your driveway, knowing he would inevitably come crawling back to you sooner or later.
You gazed out the window, watching his familiar car speed off, and you looked down at your phone. You wanted to call and apologize, but your stubbornness was not to be underestimated.
To hell with him, you told yourself. It’s not like you were being unreasonable.
He was fortunate to have two parents that loved him and loved each other. Not you. Your parents divorced when you were young. To say it was bitter would be an understatement.
Though the wound to your heart had healed, there remained a nasty scar that served as an endless reminder of what happened when two people stopped loving each other.
You bristled at that thought. Jaehyun would never understand. How could he?
Two weeks passed from that night and it was safe to say you were out of your mind.
Jaehyun didn’t call. He didn’t text. You unlocked your phone multiple times a day and looked at his messages.
You had effectively lost your best friend and lover in the same breath. And you had no one to blame but yourself.
Maybe he really was done with you, once and for all. Maybe love did have a limit and you finally found his.
In the two weeks of deafening silence, you realized something - you weren’t ready to live without Jaehyun.
Selfish brat, you told yourself. Jaehyun always tried to meet you halfway, but you didn’t want to give up the freedom of being a single woman. You didn’t want to answer to anybody or be responsible for someone else.
And you didn’t want to hand someone the power to break you.
Jaehyun was right. It really was unfair.
You loved him. He loved you. And yet, you kept him at arm’s length. He deserved to be in a committed, healthy relationship.
Maybe it was time to accept that you deserved that too.
At long last, you swallowed what was left of your dignity and texted him, I’m sorry.
Jaehyun leaned back in his chair at the office, phone in his hand, and smiled faintly. He didn’t expect you to cave first. You were too damn headstrong for that. But alas, here you were.
I forgive you, he texted back and added a heart emoji.
You sighed in relief and replied, I’m stopping by your place after work, but not for sex.
Bummer. I’ll be there.
You put away your phone, resisting a grin. It felt good just to be talking to him again. The past two weeks had felt like years.
After work, you pulled into his driveway and gave the picturesque house a quick scan. Last year, Jaehyun had bought his first home - a two-story traditional style house with a crisp green lawn and a white picket fence.
It was exactly the kind of house everyone expected Jeong Jaehyun to get. You and your friends still lived in apartments. Most of Jaehyun’s friends had yet to give up their lofts or town-homes.
Not Jaehyun. He was clearly ready to settle down.
You stood on the front porch a moment, shuffling your feet and planning your words carefully. Setting your shoulders, you rang the doorbell and waited.
Jaehyun opened the door and immediately grinned to the point his eyes scrunched.
In your hands was a huge bouquet of assorted flowers.
You held out the bouquet to him and quipped, “Normalize giving flowers to boys.”
Jaehyun took the floral arrangement from you, his cheeks flushing a dark crimson, and bowed his head in a gesture of gratitude. “Thank you.”
You knew the gift would melt him on the spot. Jaehyun was a sap for things like that and it was ridiculously endearing.
Jaehyun motioned you inside and you followed him into the kitchen like a shadow. He found an empty vase, which you filled with water, and set his new flowers delicately inside.
Leaning against the kitchen counter, the overhead lights felt too bright. Swallowing the lump in your throat, you asked, “Can we start over?”
Jaehyun ran a hand through his hair. “Sure.”
“Hey, hot stuff,” you joked, deepening your voice.
Jaehyun snorted back a laugh.
You softened and spoke bashfully, “Will you be my boyfriend?”
He frowned. “Are you pranking me?”
“No, I’m serious,” you replied, throwing any and all jokes aside. “You were right. It was unfair. I’ve been so unfair to you, Jaehyun.”
Jaehyun raised a brow, skeptical but over the moon. His heart was fluttering like a bird violently trying to escape its cage. He questioned, “You really wanna do this?”
You shrugged and told him, “I wanna try. All I know is that I want to be with you.”
“Alright,” Jaehyun replied coolly, a playful smile dancing across his lips. “No sex until at least the third date. For gosh sake, buy me dinner first.”
Jaehyun reached out and took your hand, bringing it to his mouth for a kiss. “I’m kidding, of course. When are you free? I wanna take you out.”
“I’m free right now,” you said, slipping comfortably into his arms and rising on your tiptoes to meet his lips. “And I’m starving.”
Jaehyun tightened his arms around you and met you the rest of the way, the kiss soft and sweet, content and familiar. When he’d had his fill, Jaehyun parted to say, “I’m so fucking sorry about the fight. And for what I said. I should have handled it better. I’ve wanted to apologize since the second I said that shit, but I was a coward.”
You replied without missing a beat, “I forgive you.”
Jaehyun overlapped his hands at your lower back, trying not to think about your breasts pressed against him, and murmured, “Thank you for trying.”
You quipped, “Yeah, yeah. I’m gonna try this whole dating thing for you. Don’t hold it against me if I’m really bad at it.”
Jaehyun glided his hands to your hips. “You bought me flowers. You’ve already set the bar pretty damn high.”
You smiled at that, draping your arms across his shoulders and purring, “Can I have another kiss then?”
“Always,” Jaehyun whispered, pressing his lips to yours.
For the next few days, you were on a cloud. You and Jaehyun were like two teenagers dating for the first time. Everything was lovey dovey, heart emojis and awkward flirting and late night phone calls. It had been quite a while since you felt the giddiness that came with puppy love.
Maybe dating wasn’t so bad. It was actually kind of fun.
Jaehyun took you to dinner and a movie. And he never failed to walk you to your door and kiss you goodnight. He spared no expense when splurging on fancy restaurants though you were preferential to eating a simple ice cream cone on the beach with his hand tight around yours.
You may have missed having sex with him, but you appreciated the effort you both were putting into the new relationship. As it turned out, Jaehyun was easy to please. At his core, he was as cliche a romantic as they come. And you found you quite liked feeding that adorable side of him.
Meanwhile, Jaehyun strutted everywhere he went and his coworkers noticed his lighter, bouncier disposition. In Jaehyun’s mind, he was already planning the wedding. Baby steps, of course, but he was on a high that you were finally in a stereotypical relationship with him.
It’s about damn time, he quipped to himself.
And it was all about to come crashing down.
On Saturdays, Jaehyun was off from work. The benefits of having a corporate job, you mused. You still had articles to write and stories to research. Jaehyun didn’t pressure you about spending time with him, but you were counting down the hours until you could call it a day and head over to his house for movie night.
Only this time you were losing restraint.
Something was coming over you. The room felt too hot. You were down to a tank top and shorts. Your mind was like the homepage of a porn site. Every thought and mental image was Jaehyun on top of you or from behind, fucking you into oblivion. You couldn’t stop thinking about sex no matter how hard you tried.
“What the fuck,” you groaned, taking a gulp of water and pulling out your phone. You scrolled through photos, finding ones of Jaehyun shirtless in your bed. The two of you used to play around during hookups, taking photos on extra steamy occasions.
One of you straddling his naked waist and wearing his dress shirt loosely buttoned over your torso made your mouth water. You couldn’t take it anymore.
You quickly texted him, Can I come over?
His reply was fast, Little early. Did you get your work done?
Pulling on your shoes, you typed back, I need to see you.
So your articles aren’t done?
Fuck the articles. I want to see your dumb face.
Jaehyun chortled at that, reading your text more than once. Come over then.
Fifteen minutes later, you were ringing the doorbell, standing on his front porch.
Jaehyun opened it after a moment, a towel slung across his shoulders.
“Hey, you,” you greeted with a smile. Heat was still radiating down your neck and behind your cheeks.
“Hey, yourself,” replied Jaehyun, standing aside and waving you in.
You stepped inside and slipped off your shoes, waiting for him to shut the door before asking, “Is this a bad time?”
He shook his head. “Nah, I just got back from the gym a few minutes ago. What’s up?”
I noticed, you almost said. Damn, he looked good. Sweaty and flushed. You were a bitch in heat. “I have perfect timing,” you joked, rubbing your arm anxiously. “Can I be honest with you?”
Jaehyun fixed you with a stern look and said, “Always.”
Your eyes couldn’t stay still. Sweat left a sheen on his perfect skin, making your tongue shift in your mouth. The muscle tee he wore left his thick arms on display, taut and bulging. The veins in his hands were even more prominent than usual from the exertion and you were imagining those hands clamped on your waist.
Focus, you chided yourself. For the love of god.
“Okay, then,” you started. “I’m just gonna come out with it.”
Jaehyun’s brow furrowed. “What is eating at you?”
Goddamn, had a man ever looked so delicious? You were prepared to devour him whole.
Instead, you rambled, “I know we were on a break and we agreed to start over and take things slow. And let the record show I am really enjoying this new relationship thing.”
Jaehyun prompted, “But?”
“I wanna fuck.”
Jaehyun’s lips upticked into a smirk. “Oh?”
You forsook whatever pride you had left and moved closer to him. “I need to fuck. I swear, Jaehyun. I’m so horny I can’t think straight.”
His mouth broke into the widest grin. “Wow.”
You closed the rest of the distance between your bodies and hid your face beneath his jaw, whispering, “Please. I’m just thinking about that thick cock and fuck it, I’m so wet right now.”
Jaehyun pulled the towel hanging from his shoulders and flirted darkly, “You have my attention, baby.”
“Thank god,” you groaned, pressing your lips to his sweaty neck and breathing in the musky scent of him. “Please stick your dick in me.”
“How romantic,” he droned, amusement filling his eyes.
You leaned back and whined, “Jaehyun.”
He chuckled, slipping an arm around your waist and pulling you flush against him again. “I’m kidding. You need some dick, huh?”
You roamed your hands under his shirt to his chiseled abs and purred, “Not any dick - your dick. And yes, I need it bad. If you want me to beg, I am ready to beg.”
“Tempting,” Jaehyun rumbled, brushing past your hip to grip a handful of your ass. Then, he said, “Bedroom.”
You turned and ran, galloping up the adjacent stairs. Jaehyun gave chase, clearing two steps at a time. You caught sight of the open bedroom and cried out when Jaehyun gathered you in his arms, though you knew he could catch you with ease.
Jaehyun carried you into the bedroom and set you down just shy of the bed, getting a fistful of your hair and colliding his lips with yours. He was hungry. Nothing made him harder than being needed and craved.
You moaned into his mouth, tearing off his shirt and setting your fingertips into the hot flesh of his shoulders. You couldn’t resist parting from his mouth to bring your lips to his neck, traveling down and across his collarbone with your tongue.
Jaehyun grunted, his cock viscerally aware of your warm body pressed against it in the loose confines of his gym shorts. He grasped the hem of your shirt, pulling up and over your head, and unclasped your bra without a moment to waste.
You were ravenous, cradling his head with both hands and kissing him with abandon. Jaehyun made a sound, surprised and pleased at your urgency, and cupped your perky breasts in his palms.
What has gotten into her? he thought with delight. Though your hunger for him was nothing new, this felt heavier. It was primal and aggressive.
When Jaehyun rubbed his thumbs over your nipples, you broke from his lips and growled, “Touch me and feel for yourself how badly I want you.”
Jaehyun locked eyes with you and coaxed a hand into your pants, cupping your sex. Surprise quickly flashed across his face. “Jesus, you’re soaked.”
You licked your lips, arching into his hand with need. Then, your lips parted in a gasp when Jaehyun crooked a finger into your pussy.
Jaehyun brought his lips to your ear and whispered, “And you’re pulsing, baby.”
“I know,” you whined, steadying yourself by gripping his arms.
Jaehyun pulled back to look into your face and said, “It hasn’t even been a month.”
You glowered, feigning anger. “Don’t make fun of me.”
Jaehyun chortled huskily in his throat and his voice was deeper when he said, “I will later, but for now, strip and get on my bed.”
You didn’t need to be told twice.
Naked, you crawled backwards on the mattress until your shoulders met the headboard. Jaehyun pried off his shorts and boxers, and came on hands and knees toward you, erect cock curving toward his abs. He kissed a scorching path up your bare thigh and teased his fingers through your slit, shaking his head at your arousal.
When Jaehyun grabbed your ankles and dragged you closer, not satisfied until you were flat on your back, you asked, “Can we do that one position?”
Jaehyun made himself comfortable between your legs, pumping his hard cock with your slick. “Which one?”
“This,” you started, draping your legs on his thighs and reaching down as best you could to rest your hands on the top of his knees. “I have no idea why I can’t stop thinking about it.”
“Sure,” Jaehyun said offhandedly, his mouth watering at the sight of your dripping cunt so close to his dick. “Just let me open you up first.”
“Ugh, don’t talk like that.”
Jaehyun steered the head of his cock into your entrance and snorted. “I wasn’t even trying to be sexy. You’re hopeless.”
You ran a hand into your hair and whined, “I’m a mess.”
“Not yet, but you will be,” Jaehyun retorted, gathering your hips in his hands.
“There’s my boy,” you sang.
Jaehyun fought a smile and shifted his gaze back to where your bodies connected, steadily pushing inside until he was fully seated within you. You let out the breath you’d been holding, a moan releasing on your exhale with pleasure at finally being filled.
“Good girl,” Jaehyun praised almost inaudibly, rocking into you and shuddering at the scalding heat of your body gloved around his cock.
You lay there for what felt like an eternity. Jaehyun sped up and throttled you on the bed, then slowed his pace and let you feel every inch of his strokes before speeding up again. He touched your thighs, your hips, your waist; his touch sometimes rough, sometimes gentle. His fingers pressed into your clit, brushed your nipples, and locked around your throat.
When Jaehyun caressed a thumb tenderly over your bottom lip, his cock sinking in and out of your tight pussy, he whispered, “Tell me you love me. Even if it’s a lie. I need to hear it.”
You gazed up at him, stars shining in your eyes, and said, “I love you, Jaehyun.”
He blinked, slowing his movements.
“I would never lie about something like that,” you confessed, voice tender.
Jaehyun simpered and leaned in to kiss you. “I’ve always loved you,” he spoke in your ear.
I know, you thought to yourself, sinking your fingers into his back and trapping him to you.
Jaehyun left you satisfied and sore, and when you’d both slumped into the mattress with exhaustion, he couldn’t help but take you in his arms and cover your neck in kisses. You giggled at the affection, tangling your arms and legs through his.
“So, not to be that guy,” Jaehyun began nonchalantly. “But this sounds hormonal.”
You nodded as you pulled on your shirt. “Yeah.”
“You get horny as fuck around your period, but never like this.”
The words were like ice in your veins. Your heart promptly vacated its place in your chest and crammed itself in your throat. It felt like the floor had just been ripped out from under you. Sitting up sharply, head spinning, your eyes were wide. “Oh… oh god.”
Jaehyun clocked a glance at you. “What?”
Jaehyun furrowed his brows in confusion.
“I haven’t had a period,” you said shakily.
Jaehyun’s face was emotionless, but his pulse was thundering like a shock of adrenaline had seized him. “Since?” he asked.
“Last month? Maybe?” You were beginning to devolve and exclaimed, “Oh my god, I can’t remember!”
“Shit,” Jaehyun huffed, leaping out of bed and snatching his pants.
“What are you doing?” you asked in a panic, watching him dress.
Jaehyun replied, “We can’t go to the store naked and we gotta get a pregnancy test.”
You followed his lead and crossed the room, pulling on your pants. In the midst of your frantic movements, you asked, “How is your brain working right now?”
Jaehyun grabbed his wallet and pushed it into the back pocket of his jeans, saying, “Well, one of us has to.”
You froze in place, covering your face with both hands and slumping to the edge of his bed. “Jaehyun, I can’t breathe. I can’t think. I think I’m having a heart attack.”
Jaehyun crouched down before you and took your hands between his warm palms. “Stop. Stop. Stop,” he cooed, but his tone was firm. “Take a deep breath. I’ll drive.”
You nodded and let him hoist you up.
Jaehyun drove calmly despite the gravity of the situation. Matter of fact, he was rather calm overall. He was sporting his trademark poker face, hiding the swirling storm of emotions within.
Regardless, you found yourself relaxing thanks to his stone cold tranquility. Mulling it over, you said, “I’ve been so busy with work. I lost track of my cycle. The stress must have made me skip.”
“That’s probably it. Don’t panic,” Jaehyun consoled. His thoughts were racing.
At the nearest pharmacy, Jaehyun held your hand tight and you followed him like a lost puppy. He grabbed a box of pregnancy tests and only let go of your hand to pay with his credit card. You stared at him in wonder, wanting to cry that you had him to rely on during this little crisis.
You returned to his house and headed straight for the bathroom. Jaehyun was courteous enough to bring you a bottle of water and told you he would be on the sofa if you needed him.
It was your first time peeing on a stick and your aim left much to be desired. Given there were a total of three tests in the pack, you figured what the hell and decided to use them all, just to be sure. By the third one, your aim improved.
After washing your hands, you set the tests in a line on the sink and stared, waiting for something. The silence was agonizing and you bounced on your toes with impatience. The rest of your life was hanging in the balance of these damned little pee sticks.
Opening the door, you called out, “They don’t say anything yet.”
Jaehyun appeared, looking paler than usual, and said, “Let’s grab a snack. Give them time to do their thing.”
You followed him into the kitchen and complained, “Do they have to take so long? Hasn’t medical advancement come far enough for instant results?”
Jaehyun glanced over his shoulder at you and joked, “Even instant ramen isn’t instant. Adjust your expectations.”
You snickered. Then, your face fell as you turned somber. “Thank you for making me laugh in this terrifying moment.”
Jaehyun offered a smile. “You’re welcome.”
You shared a bag of chips with him on the couch, stealing glances at the digital clock on his end table. Though the time was more than sufficient, you were avoiding it.
Jaehyun sank a little deeper into the couch and asked, “How long has it been?”
“Ten minutes. Give or take.”
He reached over and squeezed your hand. “It’s time.”
You bobbed your head. Your body was trembling with nerves.
Jaehyun walked with you to the bathroom like a creature inside was prepared to swallow you whole.
Once at the door, you whirled around to face him and whimpered, “I can’t look, Jay. I can’t. Please.”
Jaehyun studied you. Never had he seen you so terrified and it made his heart sore. He wanted to fix everything, wanted to do anything to make you smile again. With a nod, he stepped into the bathroom and you waited, rooted in place.
When he came out, Jaehyun took your hands. “I want you to take a deep breath.”
You searched his face. “Okay.”
Jaehyun paused, completely devoid of expression again, and finally said, “They’re all positive.”
Your whole body went slack, like every drop of your blood had left you in an instant. Your head felt light. The floor was spinning. Fainting was imminent.
“Baby,” Jaehyun called. “Deep breath.”
You shook your head, resistant.
“Okay,” Jaehyun said, seeing you sway where you stood. “We’re gonna move to the couch now.”
At his guidance, you sat down slowly on his sofa, contemplating your entire existence as you realized a potential tiny human was currently sharing your body.
Jaehyun fell back against the couch. The two of you simply sat there for god knows how long, minds racing at hyperspeed with the millions of thoughts that came with those three positive pee sticks.
Ultimately, you gathered some of your bearings and questioned aloud, “How did this happen?”
Jaehyun asked levelly, “Did you stop taking your birth control pills?”
You spoke in a hurry, unnerved, “No. No, Jaehyun. I swear to god. I’ve never missed a single one.”
That worried him and his reply was severe, “Then, you need to go to the doctor right away.”
“I know. Will you… go with me?”
Jaehyun turned to you. “You want me to?”
Your face tensed with tears and moisture weighed down your words, “Yeah, I’m - I am so scared right now.”
Jaehyun softened, hooking an arm around your shoulders and tugging you close. “I’ll go with you.”
The next day (and one very sleepless night) later, you were sitting in a cold exam room. You could hardly believe your ears when your primary care physician was able to work you into their schedule after hearing your concerns.
Jaehyun sat in the corner of the stark white room, elbows propped on his knees, wringing his hands. An anatomical diagram of the female reproductive system was framed above him. The irony almost made you laugh. Almost.
Doctor Grant came in, offering a wide smile as she always did, and greeted you by name politely. You introduced Jaehyun, who stood out of respect and shook her outstretched hand.
Opening your file and clicking her pen at the ready, Doctor Grant asked, “What brings you in today?”
“Well, doc,” you began, gripping the edge of the exam table beneath you. Its surface was ice cold under your rear. “My period is a couple weeks late and I took three home pregnancy tests. They were all positive.”
She glanced at your chart and jotted something down. “Are you still taking the oral contraceptives?”
You nodded. “Yes, and that’s what has me so freaked out. I’ve never missed a pill.”
Doctor Grant met your eyes and spoke soothingly, “Okay, well, nothing a quick blood test won’t answer. We’ll also take another urine sample, too. Standard procedure.”
You bit your lip and fiddled with your thumbs in your lap. “Is there a chance I’m really pregnant?”
Doctor Grant asked, “Have you been sexually active?”
Given the presence of your handsome albeit petrified boyfriend in the room beneath the uterus diagram, it was a rhetorical question. “Yes.”
She replied firmly, “Then, yes. There’s a chance.”
You looked at Jaehyun, finding his face vacant.
There was a short bout of silence as Doctor Grant flipped through your chart again, clearly searching for something. Though records were electronic now, she was set in her old-fashioned ways and preferred paper files when interacting with patients and charting their concerns.
When she found what she was looking for, Doctor Grant said, “I see you came in two months ago for a separate issue.”
You grimaced. “Yes, I had that god-awful stomach flu for a week.”
“I remember,” she murmured, nodding her head. “You had recurrent vomiting for a few days?”
Doctor Grant made a face. “Did you use alternate forms of birth control around that time? Condoms?”
You furrowed your brows. “No. Why?”
“You more than likely threw up your birth control pills.”
Jaehyun spoke up, “We didn’t have sex when she was sick.” He turned to you and added, “You could barely get out of bed.”
“Birth control pills affect implantation,” Doctor Grant explained. “A few days without them and your body is more hospitable for a fertilized egg. Plus you could have been ovulating at that time, which as you know, is your most fertile period.”
“Which would explain why I jumped right back into the saddle when I was feeling better,” you groaned with a disappointed shake of your head. “Metaphorically speaking.”
Jaehyun fought a chortle. You were notoriously horny around your period, but during your peak fertile days, you couldn’t stop begging him to fill you up.
Doctor Grant continued, “It could have been a perfect storm of factors.”
You resorted to humor again to feel like less of an idiot. “Does it say puking messes with the pills somewhere on the box or can I hire a lawyer and sue them for all they’re worth?”
Doctor Grant chuckled. “Oh, it definitely says on the packets that come with every set that there are many things capable of interfering with the effectiveness of oral contraceptives. It’s rare, but they covered all of their bases.”
“Great,” you deadpanned.
Doctor Grant stood, tucking your file into the bend of her arm. “Alright, the nurse will be in here to collect some blood. Then, we’ll have you go to the bathroom and give a urine sample.”
“Sure thing, Doctor Grant. Thank you.”
The door shut behind her and once it clicked, you immediately turned to Jaehyun. “I might really be pregnant.”
His voice was faint, distant. “Yeah.”
“Stomach flu,” you barked in consternation. “Really?”
You huffed, “Clearly not me. I couldn’t wait to hop on your dick again when I stopped puking my brains out.”
Jaehyun spoke up, “I should have warned you that you were ovulating. All the signs were there.”
You narrowed your eyes, a smirk playing on your lips. “You can tell when I’m ovulating?”
Jaehyun fought a mischievous grin, mind filling with explicit images of you. He was tempted to remind you just how many years you had been intimate together, but instead, he murmured, “Oh, yeah. I know your body very well.”
The room was suddenly full of tension. The pleasant kind. Which was a much higher preference to the smothering pressure of worry.
Jaehyun helped you pass the time. He was always easy to talk to. It was better to forget about the anxiety and anticipation. You felt like a frayed string, being pulled this way and that. Your nerves were shot at this point.
You just wanted to know for sure if your life was about to change forever.
After getting your blood drawn by the nurse and peeing in a cup in the bathroom, time lost all meaning. You were sitting in a haze of eternal waiting. Your head was foggy and your chest was tight.
Jaehyun stood between your dangling legs and held you in a hug. You were comforted by the warmth of his body against yours, warding off the sharp cold of the exam room, and the soft press of his lips on your temple. With your arms around him, he was your anchor to the world.
When Doctor Grant returned, Jaehyun parted from you reluctantly and you held his hand in a silent gesture to keep him standing next to you.
Taking her seat and smiling brightly, Doctor Grant announced, “Both your urine test and blood work were positive.”
You blinked. “I’m pregnant?”
The room was spinning wildly now. Up until that point, you could take the positive pregnancy tests and missing period with a grain of salt like any woman in denial. Now, you knew beyond a reasonable doubt that there was a baby inside you. “Wow. Okay.”
Doctor Grant proceeded, “Given the timeline we discussed earlier, it’s possible you’re eight to ten weeks along. Would you like a preliminary ultrasound?”
“Uh…,” you hesitated, searching for words. “Yes, that would be great.”
“At this stage in your pregnancy, a traditional abdominal ultrasound would more than likely be inconclusive so we would need to do it transvaginally.”
Jaehyun asked with worry, “What does that mean?”
Doctor Grant answered like any seasoned physician, “We insert it into the vagina and should be able to get a clear picture of the embryo.”
Jaehyun’s eyes widened slightly. “You’re gonna put a machine in her…”
“Vagina,” Doctor Grant finished, understanding his confusion. “It’s more or less a camera if you think about it.”
“I don’t want to think about it,” Jaehyun murmured, his cheeks reddening. He could only imagine how much that would hurt.
“Let’s do it,” you said, needing every last shred of evidence before your brain would accept this new reality. “I’m no stranger to having big things in my vagina, obviously.”
Jaehyun glowered. “Very funny.”
An hour later, you were in the passenger seat of Jaehyun’s car, looking down at a weird little black and white picture of your baby.
This early in the pregnancy it was vaguely shaped. But the little flicker of a heartbeat was unmistakable. You had latched onto that. Even now, it was still thumping in your ears.
Approximately eight weeks pregnant, Doctor Grant’s words echoed in your mind - It’s about the size of a bean. That had made you chuckle through the threat of tears. What a cute thing to say, you had thought.
The car was eerily quiet. Jaehyun had forgotten to put on some music or turn on the radio. He couldn’t believe it. An actual baby. Bean-sized apparently.
He was going to be a father.
Sure, it was his dream to come home after a hard day of work to you, his wife, and a few tiny humans, but the timeline was a little fucked.
He still couldn’t wrap his mind around it. Jaehyun checked you again from the corner of his eye. You looked no different and yet, somewhere inside your belly his baby was growing.
Jaehyun pulled into your driveway and put the car in park. “Are you okay?”
Your gaze was on the little picture in your hands. “No thoughts. Head empty,” you replied, but it was a far cry from the truth. Your mind was pure insanity.
“You sure you don’t want me to stay the night?”
You turned to him and placated him with a faint smile. “I’m honestly just gonna go to bed. I’m tired. I may take a hot bath first, but that’s it.”
Jaehyun sighed. He hated the idea of leaving you alone, but you needed time to think.
Time to decide.
He wanted you to rest and relax. To let a hot bath and some peaceful quiet dissipate the last of your nerves. You looked exhausted. Waiting for a definitive answer had taken its toll on you.
“Will you promise to call me the second you change your mind? I don’t mind staying over so you’re not alone,” he pressed.
“Yes, I promise. Thank you.”
Jaehyun blinked, like it had fully dawned on him. “I got you pregnant. I… put a baby in you.”
You nodded tiredly. “Yeah, you did.”
Jaehyun reached over and took your hand, giving it a reassuring squeeze. “No pressure on your decision. Whatever you decide, I will support you.”
You swallowed the lump in your throat and took his hand between your palms, clinging to him tightly. “I know that, but thank you for saying it.”
Jaehyun studied you. He was hinged on your every word at this point.
You snorted. “This just goes to show you can do everything right, take plenty of precautions, and still get pregnant.”
Jaehyun said nothing. The air around him was cold and heavy.
You became somber, biting your lip as the silence threatened to smother you. “She said I’m early enough I could… terminate with pills instead of something more invasive.”
Jaehyun nodded. He was there when Doctor Grant detailed all the options. He was prepared for either route. You were carrying all of the weight on your shoulders and it was up to him to be a rock beneath you that didn’t bend or break.
Maybe under different circumstances you would have chosen to end it. But this was Jaehyun. And more importantly, this was Jaehyun’s baby. You had made a baby together, as Doctor Grant put it, in a perfect storm of factors. You almost respected your little bean’s tenacity.
You glanced down at your unchanged stomach. Even though you looked exactly the same, you had never felt so different. Jaehyun’s baby was in there somewhere. Would it have his pretty eyes? Maybe his adorable dimples?
Turning to Jaehyun, you asked softly, “Would I sound crazy if I said I want to keep it?”
He perked up a little. “Really?”
“Yeah,” you started, a little relieved to have said it aloud. “I mean, I always imagined us married and boring when we had kids.”
To hear that you pictured a future with him and that the picture you painted was very similar to the one he’d always wanted for the both of you, made Jaehyun capable of flight. “Me, too,” was all he could say. Emotions were tugging at his heartstrings.
“We made this baby together, Jaehyun,” you said, trembling.
Jaehyun reached for you, bringing you close to him until your foreheads touched.
Closing your eyes, you whispered, “I’m choosing to have this baby with you.”
Jaehyun leaned into you, the air whooshing out of his lungs. “I love you,” he rasped, holding you so tightly he feared he might break you in his arms.
You cradled his face and pressed your lips to his. After a moment, you pulled back and whispered, “Tell me everything is going to be okay.”
Jaehyun replied without hesitation, “Everything is going to be okay. I’ll make sure of it.”
You bit your lip, fighting back the tears though they were quick to escape and roll down your cheeks. The weight on your shoulders was heavy, but not unbearable now that you knew you weren’t carrying it all by yourself.
Jaehyun walked you to your front door, as always. “I’m just a phone call away, baby,” he reminded.
“Thank you,” you replied, reluctant to go inside and leave him. But you craved a moment to yourself. A hot cup of tea, an even hotter bath, and a few rounds of your favorite playlist would ground you and seep some strength back into your bones.
Jaehyun, on the other hand, desperately wanted not to be alone and just before pulling out of your driveway, he sent two texts.
Ten marched into the living room, looking particularly disheveled like he had been dragged unwillingly from a party. “What’s the deal?”
Behind him, Johnny chimed, “Yeah, it sounded serious.”
“Don’t get me wrong, we love seeing you,” Ten continued.
Johnny finished that thought. “But this wasn’t something that could be done in a phone call?”
Jaehyun strode to his coffee table, grabbed something the pair of boys couldn’t see, then turned around and held it up.
Ten and Johnny gawked at the ultrasound photo.
“I’m gonna be a father,” Jaehyun announced, his voice level.
“What?” Ten exclaimed in disbelief.
Johnny grabbed the photo, looking it over. He even tilted it from side to side. “Yep, that’s an embryo.”
Ten snatched the photo from him roughly and smarted, “Thank you for your contribution.”
Jaehyun made for the sofa, collapsing in a heap.
Johnny followed him, asking, “How did this happen?”
Ten seized the opportunity and teased, “When dick meets cunt…”
Johnny knew he walked right into that one and interjected loudly, “I know how it happened, obviously. But did you guys plan this?”
Jaehyun snapped, “Of course, we didn’t plan it!”
“Hey, cut me some slack. I’m not the one that had sex with you,” Johnny defended, surprised by the outburst.
Jaehyun simmered. “I couldn’t even get her to be my girlfriend, for fuck’s sake.”
Johnny winced. “I forgot.”
Ten finally finished looking over the sonogram and eagerly joined the pair on the couch. “You guys are basically married at this point. You’ve been together for years.” He turned to his roommate and asked, “How long do you have to be together for the government to basically consider you spouses?”
Johnny shrugged and replied, “I think five years?”
“The hell if I know,” Ten snipped. Then, he wiggled his eyebrows. “When are you gonna put a ring on me, Daddy?”
Johnny deadpanned, “I have a cock ring in my underwear drawer. Does that count?”
Jaehyun hung his head in his hands. Ten and Johnny were a great distraction, but even they couldn’t cut through Jaehyun’s state of mind. “This is not how I planned on bringing my kid into the world,” he mumbled sadly.
Johnny and Ten exchanged glances, silently confirming to each other that the time for jokes was over.
Patting his friend on the shoulder, Johnny consoled, “I know. It’s gonna be okay. You can do this.”
Jaehyun shook his head. “She won’t even… stay with me.”
“That’s about to change,” Ten asserted, rolling his eyes at your stubbornness.
Ten changed his tone. “Listen, have her move in with you.”
While Johnny nodded his agreement, Jaehyun said, “She won’t go for it.”
Ten bristled and his snark flared, “Then, tell her that you made this baby together and it’s just as much yours as it is hers.”
“I don’t want to fight,” Jaehyun replied morosely. “I just want us to be a family. That’s all I’ve ever wanted.”
Johnny frowned, saddened by the condition of his friend’s heart, and asked, “Have you told her that?”
Johnny clocked a glance at Ten and grumbled, “He still hates confrontation.”
“I sure as hell don’t,” Ten sneered, pulling out his phone. A few seconds later, he said, “Hey, you. I’m coming over.”
“Okay?” you questioned.
Then, he hung up.
You had just finished your glorious hot bath and were about to crawl into bed by the time Ten knocked on your door.
“Hi, sunshine,” he greeted, hugging you warm and tight.
“Jaehyun told you,” you stated blandly.
“A baby,” Ten said in stride, strutting into your apartment like he owned it. Which was nothing new. Ten saw the entire world as his own personal playground. “Wow.”
Ten folded his arms. “Start packing your shit.”
You blinked in surprise. “What?”
“You’re moving in with Jaehyun.”
You rolled your eyes and chided, “Jaehyun hasn’t asked me to move in with him.”
Ten followed you as you made for the kitchen and barked, “He’s wanted to ask you for months - probably years - and now you have no excuse. This whole wanting to do everything yourself stops with a baby.”
You set two tea cups on the counter and began, “Ten, I can’t just…”
But Ten was adamant and cut you off, “Pack your shit.”
You relented. “Okay.”
Ten thanked you when you slid a hot cup of tea toward him. “And act surprised when Jaehyun asks you.”
You held the cup to your lips, blowing the hot steam away, and murmured, “I’ve wanted to live with him for a while.”
Ten piqued at that. He leaned coolly against your counter and arched a brow. “Really?”
You nodded and after a sip of tea that scorched its way down your throat pleasantly, you responded, “Yes. I’ve been letting him keep more and more of his stuff here. And I have things at his house. I thought I was giving enough signs. Then, we had that stupid fight.”
“Honey, I think the moment you told him you wanted to keep things casual he thought you only wanted him for his dick.”
You slumped in defeat. “I fucked up. I know that.”
Ten retorted, “Glad you know it.”
You scoffed. Regardless of his chastisements, Ten was consistently reliable as a good and trustworthy friend. “We’ve been trying to do the whole dating thing for like two weeks now,” you mentioned after a pause.
“I know,” Ten groaned, feigning annoyance. “He will not shut up about it. I’ve never seen him so happy.”
Your smile faded into a frown and you spoke under your breath, “I guess that’s blown to hell now.”
Ten gave you a nudge. “Not hardly.”
The two of you chatted for a little while longer, but the exhaustion of the day’s events put a damper on your energy. “Listen, Ten. I love you, but it’s late and I really need to sleep.”
“Fine. I’ll ease up,” he replied, giving you a kiss on the cheek, which you returned.
First thing in the morning, you called your boss to let him know you were under the weather and had no intention of leaving your bed for the day. Which was true. He was perfectly understanding and wished you well, though he did curtly remind you of your deadlines that still needed to be met. As to be expected.
What you didn’t expect was a knock at the door not long after and Jaehyun standing on the other side.
“Jaehyun, what are you…,” you started, but before you could finish, Jaehyun breezed past you into the apartment.
“I want you to move in with me and before you say no, hear me out.”
You shut the door and swiveled around toward him. “Jay…”
His words were a mile a minute, a testament to just how long he had been rehearsing them in his head, “I’ve wanted to live with you for years. Obviously I was hoping we would be married by now, but that’s beside the point.”
You tried to interject, “Jaehyun.”
He persisted, “I get that you want to be successful on your own and you have your own dreams. They mean a lot to you. No one respects you and your drive more than I do, and I’m so damn proud of you.”
You smiled. “Thank you.”
“But there’s no reason for us not to live together. None. Zero,” Jaehyun continued flatly, getting winded. “We should have done this a long time ago and with a baby on the way, it just makes sense.”
“I know,” you said with a nod.
Jaehyun didn’t hear you. His voice rose slightly, passionate. “And I’ll be damned if you think you’re gonna raise my kid for a single second by yourself. You and that tiny bean are the loves of my life. Damn it, I’m moving in here!”
You were grinning from ear to ear now and simply replied, “Okay.”
“And if you…,” Jaehyun huffed, then stopped, bewildered. “Wait a minute. What?”
“I agree. We should have moved in together a long time ago.”
Jaehyun scratched the back of his head awkwardly. “That was easy.”
You ambled toward him and crooned, “But I don’t think moving into my place is the best fit. You have a spare bedroom. We can turn it into a nursery.”
“Yeah, a nursery,” Jaehyun stammered, heart fluttering at the thought. “Wow. Like a room for our baby.”
You wrapped your arms around his waist and peered up into his beautiful eyes, which currently sparkled with glee. “Yes, that’s generally what a nursery is,” you teased lightly.
Jaehyun smoothed his hand down your back and smiled at the way you were looking at him. “We’re officially having a baby.”
“Mm-hm,” you hummed.
“And you’re moving in with me.”
You quipped, “Yep. According to Kanye’s crazy ass, I got you for eighteen years.”
Jaehyun had no clue what song you were referencing nor did he care. He was too swept up in happiness. Pressing his lips to your brow, he said, “You’re gonna have me a lot longer than that, baby.”
You shrugged. “I ain’t mad about it.”
“I love you,” Jaehyun whispered, his breath warm on your cheek.
You flushed. When he spoke those three little words, fire lit through your veins and kindled inside your chest. “I love you too,” you told him somberly. “And I’m sorry. I know you had this all planned out and we really went out of order.”
Jaehyun mimicked your shrug. “I ain’t mad about it.”
Rather than steal a kiss, Jaehyun lingered his attention on your face, searching for any sign of discomfort. “You okay?”
You nestled deeper into his arms and almost rolled your eyes that nothing got past him where you were concerned. “I’m a little overwhelmed at the moment, I guess,” you revealed shyly.
“Tell me what you need,” Jaehyun said, the octaves of his voice dropping.
You were speaking to the man who had seen you naked and gotten you pregnant. For the life of you, you would never understand why you were embarrassed to ask, “Can we just… cuddle for a while?”
Jaehyun softened. “We can cuddle for as long as you want.”
And so you did. You had no intention of leaving the bed that day anyway.
You cuddled. You cried. You were a tiny boat in a brewing storm of feelings and Jaehyun was your anchor.
You kissed. You made love. Jaehyun promised to protect you all the days of your life. And when he ran out of words, he seared his promises into your skin with his lips.
Days like this were few and far between, days when you didn’t know where you ended and Jaehyun began. Where you felt like two complete halves of the same whole, meant to find each other again.
And now you were both bound together forever by a baby.
Over the next few days, Jaehyun helped you break the lease at your apartment and paid for movers to pack and transport all of your things to his house.
The first trimester left without incident. You counted yourself lucky to have very few negative symptoms thus far. Aside from sore, tender breasts and one or two bouts of morning sickness (that obnoxiously occurred in the evenings), you were far too distracted by the new life you and Jaehyun were making together to really notice.
The two of you cleared out his plain guest room, intent on adding some color and getting far more paint on each other than the actual walls. You mutually settled on a soft golden shade of yellow, reminiscent of sunflowers. Jaehyun couldn’t hide his excitement at picking out baby furniture and bought you something at every store you went with him, despite your protests.
You brought him tea while he assembled the crib and when it was done, you cried. It seemed with every new addition to the house, the more it sank in that you were pregnant. Jaehyun held you close and rubbed your arm, accustomed to your hormonal mood swings as best he could be.
Waking up in bed with Jaehyun had an effect on you. Domesticity came easier than expected. This was your house, your bedroom. He had his side of the mattress and you had yours. Just like the closet and bathroom attached to the bedroom.
Every morning when you first woke up, you dragged your feet to the bathroom to pee. Then you approached the mirror, lifted your shirt, and looked at your belly. You turned this way and that, rubbing the growing bump. Sometimes you would shake your head in disbelief that there was a tiny human growing inside you.
And the more it grew, the more you just couldn’t stop touching and caressing that belly.
To say nothing of Jaehyun. He couldn’t keep his hands off of you. Your sex drive was still like wildfire at the most inconvenient of times and it was all he could do to keep up with you. Though seeing you swell with his baby certainly helped. He had never felt more virile.
Jaehyun appeared tiredly in the doorway of the bathroom, a fond smile breaking through his sleepy daze.
You turned to him, grinning, and exclaimed, “There really is a baby in there.”
He nodded, chuckling. She’s glowing, he thought sweetly to himself.
You let out a giggle and then put your shirt down, reaching for your toothbrush.
Jaehyun joined you, the two of you brushing your teeth and resisting the urge to make faces at each other in the mirror. It was obvious Jaehyun couldn’t keep his attention from drifting to your stomach or your breasts, which had also grown considerably since entering the second trimester.
After washing your face and preparing to put on makeup for another day at work, Jaehyun came up behind you and tugged up your shirt, roaming his hands over your exposed stomach.
“I have a couple big meetings today so if you need me, send a text,” Jaehyun said, pressing a kiss to the base of your neck.
“Okay,” you said, applying moisturizer to your face. “Is it the new clients?”
“Yeah, they want a full breakdown of the system,” Jaehyun replied blithely, almost sounding bored. His touch was the opposite. Fire was licking out from his chest and his hands were rough.
You knew he was in the mood, but you were feigning indifference. Teasing him was fun. Lately you were the one to always instigate sex, due to the state of your hormones, which was why knowing your changing body sent Jaehyun into arousal did nothing but inflame you.
“You have to leave soon, babe,” you sighed, eyes fluttering with the way Jaehyun nipped at your neck.
Jaehyun growled in your ear, “We have enough time.”
You said nothing, but you leaned into his touches and promptly steered his hands to your sensitive breasts.
Jaehyun made a pleased noise, cupped your mounds, and said, “Your boobs are huge.”
“I know,” you laughed.
And the next thing you knew, you were on your back in bed, giggling as Jaehyun’s lips tickled your ear.
Jaehyun stripped the lower half of your body. Your shirt was hiked above your swollen breasts and you could barely see past them at this angle.
Hormones surged and you were suddenly very aware of the extra thickness that had taken residence in your thighs and hips. Jaehyun had already noticed and goddamn, if it didn’t make his mouth water.
“Please ignore my belly,” you suddenly blurted.
Jaehyun glanced up at you incredulously, his hard cock resting on your pussy, and shot back, “How can I ignore it when it turns me on this bad?”
You gaped. “Seriously?”
“Yes, fuck,” Jaehyun rasped, smoothing his hands down your thighs. “You look so good pregnant.”
“Stop it,” you whined, though you didn’t mean a word. Your pulse had taken residence squarely at the apex of your thighs and it was torture.
“I put my baby in you,” Jaehyun said, more so to himself as he lifted your legs and bent them at the knees.
You threw your head back, wanting nothing more than to vanish into the mattress. Your core was slick, throbbing. Everything he said and did aroused you to the point of madness. Just a moment ago you were simply washing your face and now you were a heartbeat away from begging for dick. “God, you’re killing me.”
Steering your ankles to his shoulders, Jaehyun glanced sideways in the direction of his clock and asked, “How much time do we have again?”
“Fifteen minutes maximum.”
He huffed darkly, “I’m gonna eat up every second of that fifteen.”
You cried out when he penetrated you, tight and hard and so fucking deep. Wrenching your hands in the sheets on opposite sides of your body, you tipped your head back at a fast thrust and cursed, “Fuck.”
Jaehyun rocked into you and palmed your fleshy hips. Looking down at you, licking his lips like you were a full course meal, Jaehyun rasped, “God, you’re so fucking beautiful.”
You met his eyes and smirked, breasts bouncing with his pace.
Jaehyun tickled his fingers over the crest of your belly and whispered, “Mother of my baby.”
You could hear yourself gushing around him, arousal soaking his cock each time he drove in, and you moaned, “Fuck me.”
Jaehyun steered your feet from his shoulders and bent your legs, pressing his hands into the muscles of your thighs. His cock was even deeper now, his strokes long and slow like he relished every second inside the vice of your cunt.
The new angle, however good it felt, put undue pressure on your stomach and you could feel something building that made you panic. “Jaehyun, wait…,” you started, but it was too late. The fart escaped and you immediately hid your face behind both hands.
Jaehyun came to a dead stop, balls deep in your pussy, and his lips broke into a wide grin. “Was that a fart?”
“Yes,” you mumbled against your palms.
Jaehyun laughed heartily. “That was the daintiest fart ever. Why is everything you do so damn cute?”
You peeked between your fingers and exclaimed, “Oh my god, I’m so embarrassed!”
Jaehyun pulled out of you and folded at your side, cracking up with his eyes scrunched.
“Stop laughing at me,” you screeched, smacking his chest.
Jaehyun finally settled down and said, “Honest to god, I’ve never heard such a cute fart.”
“Stop saying fart,” you whined, though you were smiling at his reaction now. “You’re killing the mood!”
“Okay, okay, I’m sorry,” Jaehyun chuckled, getting back to his knees. “Your secret is safe with me.”
You watched him move between your thighs again, gripping your knees in his hands and spreading you apart for him, and huffed, “We will never speak of this again.”
Jaehyun pressed his cock back into your folds and replied, “Oh, yes, we will.”
He wasn’t kidding when he said he would devour all fifteen of those minutes. By the time post-coital clarity began to fade, the two of you noticed the time on the clock and sprinted into the bathroom.
As you shared the mirror, putting on makeup while he fixed his hair, Jaehyun asked, “When do you go on maternity leave?”
You leaned toward the mirror, swiping mascara through your lashes, and answered, “I don’t know exactly. I haven’t talked to my boss about it yet.”
Jaehyun lifted his collar and looped a charcoal tie around his neck, matching his crisp suit. “Maybe you should quit,” he said dryly.
You had been ogling him in his well-tailored suit, but any amorous feelings swiftly evaporated at that comment. You stood straight in surprise. “What?”
“Just for a while,” he suggested. “I make more than enough money.”
You frowned. “It’s not about the money. I love my job, Jaehyun. You know that.”
“I know, but… your job has crazy hours and deadlines. And it’s stressful.” His voice was soft; he was concerned, not judgmental.
“So is yours,” you shot back.
Jaehyun finished tying his tie and smoothed down his collar. He still seemed completely oblivious as to how much this conversation was grating on your nerves when he countered, “Yeah, but I’m not carrying a baby.”
You rounded on him, putting your hands squarely on your hips, and asserted, “You’re right. I am. And for that reason, I make decisions about my own life.”
Jaehyun angled toward you, refusing to back down. “It’s not just yours anymore.”
You grumbled, “Please, Jaehyun. We don’t have time for this. I know you don’t want me to work. I know you want me to be dependent on you.”
Jaehyun recoiled. “That’s not fair. You know I didn’t mean it like that.”
You raised your voice. “I’m never gonna be a stay at home mom, okay? I want more. I want to be more.”
Jaehyun glared. “Fine. Then, I’ll quit.”
That was the last thing you expected him to say. “What?”
“When the baby is born, I’ll quit my job,” he said, folding his arms across his chest. “I’m not letting some stranger raise my kid.”
You sighed with impatience, “You can’t quit your job, Jay. Do you have any idea how much a baby is gonna cost us?”
“I’ll deal with it. You can keep your career and I will raise the baby,” he told you firmly, eyes burning into yours.
You knew it meant a lot to him and this was not a conversation to have when you were both crunched for time. “We’ll talk about this later,” you murmured, offering a temporary surrender.
Jaehyun pecked a very chaste and brief goodbye kiss on your cheek and left the bathroom, saying, “Yes, we will.”
You shook your head and once he was safely out of earshot, you quipped under your breath, “Stubborn ass.”
But damn if you didn’t love him for it.
Reaching down to cradle your little baby bump, you added, “Your Daddy loves you more than anything in the world.”
Nine hours later, the house you shared with Jaehyun was a sight for sore eyes. You dragged your feet inside, tiredly dropped your messenger bag on the nearest table, and plopped onto the sofa.
A voice echoed down the hall, “Babe, are you home?”
You smiled faintly at the pet name and the sweet notes of his voice, and called back, “I’m home.”
Jaehyun appeared a moment later, taking the spot beside you on the couch.
“Hi,” he greeted.
“I’m sorry about this morning,” he apologized sweetly.
You gave him a look to let him know no harm was done. “I’m sorry, too.”
Jaehyun squeezed your hand and told you a moment later, “I ordered dinner. It should be here in a few minutes.”
You practically salivated. “Great. I’m starving.”
Jaehyun bit his lip, inexplicably shy. “I also got some things together if you don’t mind looking at them.”
You arched a brow. “Oh?”
Jaehyun handed you a stack of papers and said, “I spent my lunch break doing some research.”
You scanned the first page and a single word leapt out at you. “Freelance?”
“Yeah, you could do freelance journalism,” Jaehyun began excitedly. “There’s tons of places looking for columnists, commission-based. The place you’re at now doesn’t pay you damn near what you’re worth and they restrict what you write. I know you’ve wanted to branch out and write more interesting things.”
You lowered your head, fighting a smile, and flipped through the pages.
“So doing freelance would give you a lot more freedom. In both time and subject matter,” Jaehyun continued, reaching over to put a hand on your belly.
You stopped at a page and questioned, “Data analyst?”
“Yeah, I…,” Jaehyun started, scratching the back of his neck awkwardly. “I told my boss I want a department change. The guys in the computer division all have the option to work from home whenever they want. There’s still time before the baby comes, I can get on-site training and switch departments.”
You set the papers down in surprise and turned to him, arguing, “Jaehyun, you love having clients and you’re on the fast track to be an executive one day.”
Jaehyun shrugged. “It’s just my job. I don’t love my career the way you do yours. It was never my dream. It pays the bills. No more, no less.”
You were overcome with affection toward him. It filled your chest with warmth and threatened to explode out of you at any second. “You really figured all this out over lunch?”
Jaehyun stroked your growing stomach absentmindedly and crooned, “Baby, you love your career. I don’t. I wouldn’t be sacrificing anything, but you would.”
You leaned your head back against the couch and lost yourself in his eyes, asking tenderly, “What’s your dream, Jaehyun?”
He moved closer, his hand cupping your cheek, and replied, “You know what it is. I want to be a husband and a father. That’s always been my dream. This way, we can both have what we want. I told you, I’ll do whatever it takes to make this work.”
Your heart fluttered at the mere mention of the word husband.
“It’s just a suggestion,” Jaehyun said coolly. “You were right earlier. You’re the one carrying our baby. It’s your choice, but this is my life too. Please just keep that in mind.”
You exhaled heavily. Having Jaehyun in your corner made you feel like you could do anything. Smiling as the happiness crept up on you, you warned, “If I freelance, I may have to travel from time to time.”
“Okay, cool. I’ll be working from home,” Jaehyun replied with a grin. “I would be able to send you minute by minute updates on the baby.”
You chuckled and your eyes welled up. Instead of clipping your wings, he was breaking the door off your cage.
Sliding into his arms, you kissed his lips softly. Jaehyun enclosed you in a hug, kissing your cheek and your jaw.
“I love you.”
“I love you too,” he whispered.
Resting your head on his taut chest, you crooned, “Thank you for believing in me.”
Jaehyun kissed the top of your head. “Anytime, babe.”
It seemed like your twenty week ultrasound was just around the corner.
Doctor Grant had referred you to an excellent obstetrician named Doctor Hayden. She would be the one taking over your appointments and would ultimately deliver your baby. You liked her no-nonsense personality.
The sonographer squeezed a bottle over your naked belly, warning that the gel would be cold. Next, she pressed the device to your stomach and turned to the screen.
You had one arm behind your head and the other resting on the slope of your stomach where your shirt was folded up out of the way, trying to appear calm and collected despite your excitement. Jaehyun stood beside you, shifting his weight with impatience.
The technician smiled after a minute or two, pressing a few keys, and then swiveled the display toward you and Jaehyun. “Say hello to your baby.”
There, in a three-dimensional sepia toned image was your unborn baby’s face.
“Oh,” you started.
“My god,” Jaehyun finished.
Both of you gawked.
“Hi, baby,” you stammered out.
The sonographer, grinning from ear to ear, pulled a few tissues from the box on her table and held them out over your stomach.
You looked in surprise to see Jaehyun take them, quickly wiping his wet cheeks. “Jaehyun…,” you cooed.
“I’m fine,” he wheezed.
The technician told you everything looked good. Your baby was developing normally and was on par growth-wise with this stage of your pregnancy. She could see no causes for concern.
“Would you like to know the sex of the baby?” she asked a moment later.
“I do,” Jaehyun said without hesitation.
You mulled. “I kinda want it to be a surprise.”
“It’s your call,” the technician said, having shifted the screen back to where only she could see.
Jaehyun gazed at you with big, pleading eyes.
You melted on the spot. “Can you tell just him? I’ll turn my head.”
She chuckled. “Of course.”
Jaehyun sported a massive grin the entire drive home.
You stared down at the pictures in your hands, captures of your baby’s face. There were a few traditional black and white ultrasound photos too, but you couldn’t take your eyes off your baby’s cute little nose.
Jaehyun was practically bouncing in the seat as he drove, whistling along to whatever was on the radio.
You beamed at him and said, “You’re happy.”
“I know something you don’t know,” he sang in teasing.
You giggled. His joy was contagious.
Jaehyun took two of the sonograms and pinned them to the refrigerator with magnets. After he scanned them into his phone, of course. He had to pry the close up shot of your baby’s face from your resistant hands and was quick to give it back once he’d captured it in his photo gallery.
You couldn’t stop looking at the picture, subconsciously smoothing a hand up and down your belly. “Okay, I changed my mind,” you called from across the room. “I wanna know - boy or girl?”
Jaehyun gleamed. “Really?”
You said with a nod, “Yeah, I remembered that I hate suspense. On second thought, tell me when the guys get here.”
Johnny and Ten were coming over with cake to celebrate. Things had been hectic and busy since you moved in, and the pair had wanted to give you a happy housewarming party plus pregnancy celebration weeks ago.
The door had barely closed behind him as Ten bemoaned, “Is there gonna be a god-awful gender reveal party?”
Jaehyun retorted, “No, the world has enough wildfires.”
“Good,” Ten said with approval.
You were swept up in a hug with Johnny and the moment you parted, you handed him the sonogram photo.
“Holy shit, the bean has a cute nose now,” Johnny exclaimed. He had already begun referring to himself in third-person as Uncle Johnny.
“That’s what I said,” you joked, leaning into Jaehyun when he wrapped an arm around your waist.
Ten snatched the photo from Johnny’s outstretched hand and scanned it over, teeth flashing in a broad smile. “You guys made a baby,” he announced a moment later.
Jaehyun patted your hip. “Yes, we did,” you said with a chuckle.
The four of you ate cake and simply enjoyed each other’s company. Jaehyun couldn’t keep his hands from your stomach and you couldn’t drag your eyes away from his face. There were more than a few moments in the loud chaos that was Johnny and Ten, you and Jaehyun would simply meet each other’s eyes and smile.
He was so blissfully and contentedly happy. And he deserves it, you pondered to yourself. Your attention fell to your stomach. All three of us do.
Halfway through his cake, Ten abruptly whined, “Alright, dude. Out with it! Spill the beans about the little bean. Do I have a niece or nephew on the way?”
Jaehyun glanced around the table, the corner of his mouth lifting in a sheepish smile. Dragging it out for a few seconds just for fun. Then, his eyes finally settled on you when he said, “It’s a girl.”
You gasped, tears burning your eyes. “A baby girl?”
“Yes,” Jaehyun answered, pulling you snugly into his arms. “Our daughter.”
Ten let you and Jaehyun have a brief moment of sweetness before teasing, “You know what that means, Jaehyun?”
Jaehyun groaned as if he were in pain, “Yes.”
Ten was mischief incarnate. “You’re gonna have to meet your daughter’s boyfriend one day.”
“I will kill you,” Jaehyun snapped. Johnny snorted a laugh.
“Ten, don’t antagonize him,” you snickered, rubbing Jaehyun’s shoulder soothingly.
Johnny chimed in, “She could have a girlfriend. You never know.”
“True,” you said.
“I know that for now she’s mine,” Jaehyun asserted. “I have many, many years before I gotta share her with anyone else.”
You exclaimed, “What about me?”
Jaehyun softened and kissed your temple. “You know what I mean.”
That night, you crawled tiredly into bed, wearing one of Jaehyun’s loose-fitting shirts over some sweatpants. Your breasts were overly sensitive and full of milk, and his soft tees were perfect for sleeping in.
Jaehyun was leaning back against the headboard, sporting nothing but boxers, and lifted his arm as you snuggled close, draping his hand on your waist. You rested your head on his thigh, winding down after such an eventful day, and you smiled as you realized these quiet intimate moments with Jaehyun were your favorite.
Every night, the two of you would talk about anything and everything on your minds. Jaehyun was the type that struggled to express his feelings and the late-night talks helped him work out whatever bothered him. You were the only one he trusted implicitly with his deepest thoughts, refusing to show vulnerability to anyone else.
“Real talk,” Jaehyun suddenly said.
“Let’s hear it.”
He chewed over the words for a second or two and spoke his worries aloud, “I’m going to be the father of a daughter.”
You chuckled. Of course that was still on his mind. “Yes.”
“I’m scared shitless.”
You sat up, meeting his eyes, and confessed in a whisper, “Me, too.”
“No, but…,” he trailed, face tense with worry. “What am I supposed to do?”
You tilted your head curiously. “What do you mean?”
“I must protect her every minute of every day. This is not a safe world for girls.”
You pressed a hand to his thigh and gave a gentle squeeze. “I know that,” you said, somber and grave.
Fire lit inside Jaehyun’s gaze, evidence of his passion of which you were all too familiar with, but this was different. It was darker, more dangerous. The paternal instincts were in full sway. “If someone tries to touch her, I will have to kill them,” he hissed through clenched jaws.
“Well…,” you started. In no way did you disagree, because a mother’s instincts were just as deadly.
“That wasn’t a question,” he interjected.
Jaehyun buried his face in the crook of your neck, tightening his arms around you. “I’m losing my fucking mind,” he groaned against your skin. “I will be in fight mode every single day. Can you handle that?”
You cradled his face in your hands and said, “First of all, I love you for that.”
Already you pictured him camped out beside the crib. You had a feeling Jaehyun would never have a full night's sleep again for as long as he lived once the baby was born.
You tugged him back to press a swift kiss to his lips and continued, “And second, it’s going to be fine. You’re going to be an amazing father to our daughter because not only will you protect her - always - but you will also teach her to protect herself.”
Jaehyun melted. It was exactly what he needed to hear. “Yeah?”
You nuzzled his nose with your own, overflowing with love toward him. “She will be so strong because of you.”
“You think so?”
“I know so,” you assured him. And you did. There was not a single shred of doubt in your mind that Jaehyun would be a great father.
Jaehyun sighed, the weight slipping from his chest. His broad hand came to rest on your belly and he gathered you close, guiding you to lay on top of him. And that was how you slept.
The third trimester came with the change of seasons. Summer turned to autumn. The trees changed colors, vibrant collages of red, orange and yellow. With a nip in the air, jackets and boots were always ready by the front door.
Your changes were marked by a shift in gait. There was more of a waddle to your movements, catering to the great swell of your belly. Your sex drive slowed, but your hormones skyrocketed. And your growing baby became more active inside of you.
“Oh my god, this is insane,” Jaehyun cried out, his hand on your naked belly.
Curled up beside him on the couch, a foot was extending at the top of your stomach and Jaehyun couldn't stop touching it. It was mind-blowing that his baby was moving around in your womb so vigorously, reaching out a hand on occasion when a foot wasn’t aiming for the nearest organ.
“She’s strong,” you commented, having been a little perturbed at your nap cut short. But one look at the joy on Jaehyun’s face banished that thought.
Jaehyun teased his finger over your stomach, enticing the little foot again to give chase. Your daughter kicked and stretched, working her muscles as Doctor Hayden had explained. She was more active than ever, especially when you were staying still.
Her favorite organ for target practice, of course, seemed to be your bladder. Which you swore was shrinking smaller and smaller by the day. Well, at least it provided her with a little more of a challenge.
Jaehyun kissed your belly endlessly, chuckling when a foot collided with his mouth. You carded your fingers into his hair, stroking affectionately.
He hadn’t pressed the issue of your work, but you knew you were cutting it close. The more your pregnancy advanced, the more your priorities began to change. Jaehyun had done as he planned, transitioning smoothly to the tech division of his company.
And in typical Jeong Jaehyun fashion, he was excelling and thriving.
He had the freedom to work from home now and to both his and your surprise, Jaehyun actually really liked it. He was able to make his quotas without the stress of dealing with management or hard to please clients. Jaehyun’s boss in tech was laid-back. As long as you got your work done, you could come and go as you pleased, according to him.
The sight of Jaehyun in a home office behind a desk pleased you more than it probably should have. Jaehyun had already made space for a baby rocker beside his chair though he had since bought a number of koala carriers that would keep your daughter tightly cradled to his chest while he worked.
At this point you were convinced Jaehyun would probably never let her out of his sight the moment she left your womb.
Weekends were spent relaxing and enjoying each other’s company. You and Jaehyun had a birthing class once a week and you were harshly confronted with the reality of labor and delivery. After a long conversation with Doctor Hayden, you decided to try natural childbirth though you opted out of giving birth at home in an overabundance of caution.
Jaehyun breathed a little easier in relief at that. Though he was exceptionally pale after watching the forty-five minute long video about childbirth in class.
As your due date loomed, you joked that your stomach entered a room five minutes before you did. You had to head for the bathroom the very moment you felt like peeing or else you probably wouldn’t make it in time.
On a brisk Friday morning, you peered into the office space across from the bedroom and said, “I’m off to work, Jay. See you for dinner.”
Jaehyun stopped typing and gave you a smile, wishing you a good day. He had become more perturbed at you working in your heavily pregnant state, but he didn’t nag. Given your stubbornness, nothing he said would dissuade you.
Little did he know you had a meeting with your boss that morning.
Jaehyun leapt in his chair when he heard the front door slam an hour later. Racing downstairs, he caught a glimpse of you and panicked. “What’s wrong?”
“I quit my job,” you announced, slinging off your jacket and tossing it vaguely in the direction of the coat rack.
Jaehyun ran up to you, hands going straight to your robust belly like magnets, and searched your face for distress. “What happened?”
“Well,” you began, grasping his arm and waddling your way over to the couch. “I told my boss that I love my job and because I love it so much I never asked him for anything, but I was asking for more flexibility so I can raise my child.”
Jaehyun helped you lower onto the sofa, as he always did, and asked, “What did he say?”
“Nope,” you answered, mimicking your boss’ tone. “So I quit.”
Jaehyun bristled, sitting down next to you and setting his jaw in anger.
You turned to him, shaking your head. “You know what he said? He begged me to stay.”
Jaehyun’s eyes widened.
“He brought in the owner and they offered to double my salary. Then triple it! You were right, they could have afforded to pay me fairly this whole time.”
Jaehyun clenched his teeth. He was already mentally rehearsing giving them a piece of his mind in the near future. Paternal instincts had suckerpunched his fear of confrontation into the atmosphere. “Bunch of bastards,” Jaehyun hissed under his breath.
“Yeah,” you agreed emphatically. “Boss said I was responsible for the largest share of articles. Thirty-two percent! I never knew that. Without me, they lose a third of their workforce. I’ve been doing what two to three people have been doing this whole time!”
“You love the work. They took advantage of your passion,” Jaehyun said gently. He’d suspected that all along.
“Well, I’m out of there,” you huffed, patting your belly affectionately. You then turned to Jaehyun and joked, “Is it alright if I crash here until I get back on my swollen feet?”
“Only if you can tolerate having me as a roommate,” Jaehyun quipped.
“I’ll manage,” you said, bringing his arm across the top of your stomach and lacing your fingers through his.
Jaehyun sighed. “I’m proud of you. I know starting over is scary.”
“I’m excited to do the freelance thing. I have a whole portfolio of published articles to market myself with. It will be hard, but I can do it.”
“Yes, you can.”
You smiled a little wider. “I can write about whatever I want now, Jay. I’m unstoppable!”
“I know,” he murmured, kissing your cheek.
You suddenly remembered that it was still early in the day and exclaimed, “Oh, shit. You’re supposed to be working.”
Jaehyun waved you away, but he did get to his feet. “Do I need to call in?”
“No, no,” you quickly responded. “We need to save those call outs for when we really need them.” You gave his butt a smack, urging him to go. “Get back to work. I’ll probably clean a bit.”
Jaehyun grimaced. “Okay, but don’t stay on your feet too much. Promise?”
Jaehyun returned to his computer, leaving the door open and making you swear to call for him the moment you needed something. You agreed.
He let go a deep breath in relief. Though he didn't expect you to quit, Jaehyun was downright happy it worked out that way. That place would undoubtedly make you prioritize your assignments over your baby. Bunch of greedy assholes.
In your head you were thinking of things to do. You drifted into the nursery, tempted to organize baby clothes and supplies compulsively for the hundredth time. For the most part, you just liked being in there, smiling at the bright little room. It stilled your wildly beating heart.
Your baby shower had been delightful the week before and you felt confident that you were well-equipped and fully stocked with everything a newborn would need. Boxes of diapers were stacked in a tower in the corner and every mother you knew asserted that your baby would go through them in the blink of an eye.
The breast pump still got a chuckle out of you; it was the goofiest looking contraption. Jaehyun had put it up to his ears like headphones and made you laugh uncontrollably. You weren’t particularly looking forward to using the thing, but it was imperative to always have one on hand, your birthing class told you.
Settling into the rocking chair beside the crib, you put up your feet and fell asleep. The wider your belly got, the harder it was to sleep comfortably in bed at night. A nap never failed to hit the spot just right.
You woke with a jolt, surprised to find tears gathering in your eyes. Adrenaline prickled up the back of your neck and hormones smothered your throat, making it hard to breathe.
Before you knew what hit you, you were crying your eyes out.
Jaehyun leapt up the moment his lunch break started and went in search of you. He called your name from the hall, instincts guiding him straight into the nursery where you liked to think and relax.
Seeing your face flushed with tears, Jaehyun felt his heart give out. He raced up to you, kneeling between your legs and taking your face in his hands. “What’s wrong? Is it the baby? Are you okay?”
“I quit my job,” you whimpered. “I can’t believe I did that. How stupid!”
“Honey, a few hours ago you were so happy about it. Those idiots were taking advantage of you,” Jaehyun reminded patiently, swiping his thumbs through your endless tears.
You gripped him tightly, hoisting yourself up with great effort and pressing your hands into your aching lower back. “I can’t quit my job. I have to support a baby.”
“You have me. I will take care of the bills until your freelance work gets going. Just focus on the baby for now and…”
“I can’t do that! What if I don’t have you? I won’t always have you, Jaehyun,” you argued. Hormones snagged your heart between its claws and promptly crushed it with force.
Jaehyun sighed, “Of course you’ll always have me. What are you saying?”
You were too much of a wreck to explain that you had no safety net now. If Jaehyun left, you would have no way of supporting yourself and a baby. You were in full panic now. It was too scary relying on him.
Especially when you’d spent your entire life relying on no one but yourself.
Instead of voicing that thought, your emotions and hormones collided and the words that came out were bitter, “I fucked up. Now, I’ll never know if you would have stayed with me or if you just had to because you got me pregnant.”
Jaehyun bristled and his hands fell from your body like you were made of electricity. Face tensing with anger, he snapped, “First of all, tell that ugly little voice in your head to shut the fuck up. I’ve been dealing with her for years and I’m sick of it!”
You rooted in place, stunned, and yelled, “Jaehyun!”
Jaehyun crowded closer toward you and continued, “Second of all, I have done nothing but tell you and show you that I love you and want to be with you. So that part of you that keeps convincing you that I’m just waiting to leave can kiss my ass.”
You had never seen this side of him before and it flushed any and all fear or anger out of your system. Chewing the inside of your cheek, you huffed, “You’ve made your point.”
“Oh, I’m just getting warmed up,” he barked, folding his arms tightly. “For years you’ve pushed me away and bossed me around, and I’m not letting you do that anymore. If anyone is gonna walk away, it will be you because I’m staying right here.”
You blinked through a fresh surge of tears and slumped with defeat. Your daughter kicked you incessantly, telling you in her own way to stop. “You’re right,” you whispered sadly.
You wiped at your tears with a rough hand, ashamed. “I’ve always had to take care of myself. I’ve always had to do it on my own. I’ve always been the only one that was there for me and then you came along. I didn’t trust it. I didn’t believe someone could love me and stay by me, but you have. You have never given up on me, even when I gave up on myself, and that’s why I know I’ll always love you.”
Heaving a sigh that served to banish all of his heavy emotions, Jaehyun met your eyes.
You sobbed, “Jaehyun, you’re the only person I’ve ever loved.”
Jaehyun pulled you into his arms and held you tight as you cried. He rested his cheek on your head, swaying you a little from side to side as he felt faint, persistent kicks against his stomach where your pregnant belly touched.
You cried until all of your tears were spent and then you willed yourself to come up for air, peering up at the love of your life and quipping, “You done putting me in my place?”
Jaehyun met your gaze sternly and rasped, “Did I get it done?”
“Yeah,” you said tiredly. “I’m good.”
You groaned and your voice trembled, “Please, for the love of god. Don’t let our daughter turn out like me.”
Jaehyun slipped a hand into your hair and tipped your head until your eyes didn’t stray from his warm brown irises. “There’s nothing wrong with you,” he scolded. “You’re the most amazing person I know.”
You burned with warmth at that, melting in his arms, and cooed, “But you’re the most amazing person that I know.”
Jaehyun said, “Well, then our baby is in good hands. She’s gonna be just fine.”
You took a deep breath and let it go, attention shifting to Jaehyun’s pouty lips and how badly you wanted to kiss them. “These fucking hormones,” you whined, rising to your tiptoes and pressing your mouth to his.
Jaehyun chuckled into the kiss, smoothing his hands down your back.
“Sex is getting interesting,” you murmured, on your back in bed.
“Creative,” Jaehyun interjected, holding your knee hooked on his hip. “Creative sounds better.”
You chortled. “Okay.”
Jaehyun made a small noise of pleasure when he bottomed out in your sweet cunt again, back arching as he drove inside you. “How long do you think you can tolerate this position?” he asked a moment later.
“Thirty seconds at best,” you told him, trembling at how deep he thrust. It felt even tighter. “Your daughter is sitting on my spine.”
Jaehyun glanced up, shaking hair damp with sweat from his eyes. “She’s asleep though, right?”
“Yes, Jaehyun. She’s asleep,” you droned, resisting a laugh.
“I’m assuming doggy style is out of the question?”
“I want my back blown out, but not literally.”
You winced and groaned, “That thirty seconds is almost up.”
Jaehyun pulled out of you. “Alright,” he said, steering you to lay on your side and entering you from behind. “How about this?”
You set your nails into his thigh and moaned. “Better.”
Things changed between you and Jaehyun after that day. You were at peace, comfortable with relying on him and letting him take the lead. For the entirety of your relationship, you fought him for the reins, never realizing that you selfishly held them at all times.
Never allowing yourself to trust him.
Now, the dynamic shifted. Jaehyun was at the helm and you accepted how he navigated the seas in both storm and sunshine. This was a partnership of equals and you both shared the responsibilities, but with him supporting you - physically and emotionally - you were free to focus on becoming a mom.
Quitting your job brought your priorities into view, front and center. You were finally aware of your impending due date. Drowning yourself in work had let you blithely ignore just how close your daughter’s arrival loomed.
After your last ultrasound before delivery, you and Jaehyun spent the entire car ride home considering names. But both of you agreed that you wanted to hold her and see her face before you settled on one that would best suit her.
A large suitcase stayed by the front door at all times, ready to go on a moment’s notice. It had everything your birthing class had advised you to take to the hospital when it came time to deliver.
Every time you laid eyes on it, you prickled with anticipation like you had been struck by lightning.
You stood there a lingering moment, stroking your belly as you sang, “I’m ready when you are, little one.”
Your kicking baby only kicked harder.
You chuckled, glancing down at your belly with affection. You couldn’t see your feet anymore. Your breasts and stomach were enormous, which said nothing for the state of your ankles. Your back hurt at all times and your bladder was probably the size of a pea, but nothing could dampen your excitement.
Whenever the pain or discomfort began to push your limits, you simply closed your eyes and pictured holding your baby in your arms at long last. It felt like you’d been waiting an eternity to meet her.
In the midst of preparing dinner, you waddled into the kitchen and hugged Jaehyun from behind. He smiled with delight, never quite getting over how it felt to have your big belly pressed to his back. But he loved when he felt a solid kick.
“Smells good, babe,” you told him, peeking past his shoulder at the stew he was working on. It was his mother’s recipe and the woman was a cook blessed by the gods. She had plans to fly in with Jaehyun’s father next week to meet their new grandchild and Jaehyun could hardly contain himself.
“It’s almost done,” Jaehyun replied, looking devilishly handsome in his apron. Not that he needed it, but the apron looked so good on him he chose to don it whenever he was in the kitchen just to get a reaction from your hormones.
You squeezed a handful of his butt and flirted, “I’m hungry.”
Jaehyun grunted at your playful grip on his ass and murmured, “It will be worth the wait.”
You smirked wryly and hobbled to the adjoining dining room to set the table. Jaehyun tried to talk you out of it, but you liked staying active. It distracted you from the ache in your back.
When dinner was finished, you and Jaehyun cleaned up and washed dishes together. Even when it was mundane, you just loved being around him. He was officially on paternity leave and the days were spent on final preparations and rest. When the baby came, sleep would more than likely be a precious commodity, which was also why you were looking forward to his mother moving in for the first month or two.
“I have a dilemma,” Jaehyun spoke up when you were getting ready for bed.
Having just pulled back the comforter to crawl underneath, you stopped, brows furrowing. “What’s wrong?”
Jaehyun scratched the back of his neck nervously. “I… got you something, but you’ve made a couple comments about your swollen fingers.”
You held up your hands, which looked particularly chunky. Edema, Doctor Hayden told you it was called. Fluid retention, she explained. Just like your ankles.
Jaehyun approached, fishing something out of his pocket and holding it out to you.
You noticed the necklace first, then your eyes fell to the ring hanging from it. You gawked when realization sank in. Opening your mouth to speak, you were left dumbstruck when Jaehyun opened his other hand to show a matching ring.
“I was worried yours wouldn’t fit right now, so I got a chain for it.”
You questioned, “Rings?”
“Yeah, rings,” Jaehyun said, relieved when you offered an open palm for him to drop the necklace onto. “It’s a promise that one day we’re going to get married.”
You held the ring in your fingers and looked at it with happy tears in your eyes. At his words, you looked up sharply. “Really?”
Jaehyun nodded. “Yeah, maybe when our girl is big enough to scatter flowers down the aisle.”
A tear or two escaped, rolling down your cheeks, and you sighed, “I would love that.”
Jaehyun gleamed. “You would?”
“Yes,” you said with longing. You hadn’t realized how much you wanted that till you pictured your daughter scattering rose petals on an aisle. You imagined a wedding photo over the fireplace in the living room; of you in a sleek gown and Jaehyun in a fitting tux.
And your daughter held between you and him. Where she rightfully belonged.
It felt meant to be. Like this was where your life was supposed to go.
At that moment, you had never felt so abundantly happy.
“Me, too,” Jaehyun finally replied with moisture weighing down his deep voice.
For the next few hours, you slept soundly in his arms, content and knowing all was right in the little world you shared with Jaehyun.
It started as a tickle.
You could only describe the sensation as little flutters across your stomach, akin to someone running their fingertips back and forth. With a quick glance at the nightstand and seeing that it was just past midnight, you paid it no mind and tried to go back to sleep.
At nearly two in the morning, you were roused a bit more persistently. The tugging in your stomach was firmer, more intense. You were reminded of period cramps, but with the added pressure of a baby sitting very low between your hips.
“Whew, alright, okay,” you huffed, propping a hand on the doorframe of the bathroom. You took steadying breaths, panic flooding into your chest.
You weren’t due for another week and a half.
“It’s probably Braxton-Hicks,” you told yourself. Both your doctor and the birthing class warned that you could have contractions but not be in labor. They were just practice contractions, the uterus flexing its muscles as it were in preparation.
Waddling at a snail’s pace back to bed, you sat down and gripped the edge of the mattress in both hands on opposite sides of your legs. Blowing out another breath, you focused on the tightening in your stomach and willed it to calm. When the contraction ran its course, you relaxed and slipped back into bed.
Jaehyun was none the wiser, so sound asleep an earthquake would probably fail to wake him. At night was when he fully recharged his batteries and this process was never disturbed.
Needless to say, Jaehyun almost tumbled off the bed when you shook his chest and shouted at the top of your lungs, “Jeong Jaehyun!”
Jaehyun leapt to action, startled like a deer in headlights with wide, terrified eyes in oncoming traffic, and exclaimed, “What? What?”
You were sitting up, hands cradling your big belly, and your breaths were heavy. You inhaled through grit teeth, jaws clenched tight. “I’m having contractions,” you managed to snarl.
Jaehyun froze in place. The gears turned in his head and adrenaline promptly socked him across the face. “You’re not due for another week and a half,” he exclaimed, scrambling out of bed and racing to the dresser.
“I know,” you replied calmly, focused on breathing. “I’ve been ignoring these since midnight, but they’re getting worse.”
Jaehyun squinted at the clock, saw that it was almost five in the morning, and scolded, “You should have woke me right away!”
You watched him pull on a pair of jeans over his boxers and said, “I assumed that they’re just the practice ones. You know, the - ow, son of a bitch, here comes another one!”
Jaehyun, a shirt halfway around his neck, raced over to you and took your hands. “Babe, how far apart are they?”
You craned your head back and cried out. Someone had wrapped an invisible belt around your stomach and was tightening it mercilessly.
Jaehyun didn’t say anything else until the contraction had passed and you returned your eyes to him.
“A few minutes,” you finally answered, sweat beading at your hairline. “I think this is the real thing, Jaehyun. I can’t explain it.”
“I believe you,” he said, pulling his shirt on the rest of the way. “Can you get dressed?”
You nodded. “Between contractions, I’m okay.”
Jaehyun helped you up from the bed and then proceeded to grab your clothes. You were struggling to take off your pants given the full breadth of your pregnant belly, but had managed to kick them off by the time Jaehyun approached.
Then, you felt something warm and wet between your legs, followed by a very quiet splash.
“What was that?” you exclaimed. Due to your breasts and belly, you couldn’t see the fluid on your feet. But you could feel it.
Jaehyun’s eyes followed down your legs and he asked, “Did you pee or is that what I think it is?”
“My water just broke,” you gasped, flying headfirst into a panic.
“Don’t panic,” Jaehyun barked, as if he could suddenly read your mind. He crouched down and used your discarded pajamas to dab your legs dry, then helped you step into your pants.
You held his shoulders for balance and said, “I’m keeping on the t-shirt. Fuck putting on a bra. I’m in labor I don’t need it. We gotta go.”
It was a slow and tedious process getting downstairs. Not only were you terrified that at any point your baby would come shooting out from between your legs, but the contractions were extra spiteful now that your water had broken. You had to stop and wait for them to pass, swearing and groaning all the while, before you could resume walking.
Jaehyun draped a towel over the passenger seat and helped you lower into the car. Once your seatbelt was fastened, he tore out of the driveway and onto the main road.
“Jay, listen to me,” you started, putting a hand on his arm. “My contractions are far enough apart. Don’t speed.”
“Got it,” Jaehyun said, gripping the wheel and holding his phone with the other. Doctor Hayden answered on the third ring, her voice drowsy with sleep, but she perked up immediately when Jaehyun explained you were on the way to the hospital.
“Ow, ow, ow,” you began to chant, setting your fingernails into whatever you could find purchase on as a contraction barreled into you.
Jaehyun hung up when Doctor Hayden told him she was on her way and shot you a worried glance. “Breathe, baby,” he called over your profanity-laced yelling. “You have to…”
“I can’t fucking breathe,” you screamed, arching in the seat as pain radiated from the core of your body. When the contraction tapered off, you came back to your senses, shaking your head.
“Okay?” Jaehyun asked.
You shook your head even more. “Holy shit, that hurts.”
Jaehyun could only imagine.
Though you had been dreading giving birth in a hospital bed, you found yourself grateful for the guard rails on both sides. They were perfect for holding onto when you were enduring another contraction.
On the phone, Jaehyun was speaking in his mother tongue. You could pick out some words here and there, but you were safe in assuming he was talking to his parents.
They would need to fly out much sooner than originally planned.
Jaehyun hung up the phone and approached you, taking your hand again. “How are you?”
You grumbled, “This sucks ass.”
Jaehyun looked pale. “I’m sorry.”
You narrowed your eyes at him and hissed, “I really don’t like you right now.”
He resisted a chuckle, knowing better than to tempt your wrath. “I don’t blame you.”
You sneered, “Just had to hit it raw. Just had to be so good at sex, didn’t you? I hate you.”
Jaehyun ran a thumb over your knuckles and said, “Squeeze my hand until it breaks.”
When the contractions were gone, clarity returned. You leaned your head back into the pillow and stared at the monitor, the one recording your baby’s heartbeat. You loved the rhythm, clinging to every single beep.
Doctor Hayden assured you all was progressing normally. Her soothing voice helped put you at ease. She told you to think about your baby when the pain pushed your limits.
The contractions came faster and harder.
“I’m an idiot,” you roared vehemently. “Why would you let me do this?”
Jaehyun stared at you incredulously. “What do you mean?”
“All natural? What the hell was I thinking?”
“You were very specific,” Doctor Hayden chimed in from the end of the bed, dressed in green scrubs with a mask over her nose and mouth.
She was perched between your legs, your feet up in the stirrups. It was time to push.
You turned to the nurse. “I want the epidural.”
Her face was expressionless, gloved hands holding your knee. “That ship has sailed,” she said calmly.
“Fuck that,” you spat, turning back to Jaehyun. His hand was on your other knee. “This is a conspiracy. Get me drugs. I need drugs now!”
Jaehyun peered over at Doctor Hayden, though he already knew the answer, and demanded, “Give her something.”
Cool and collected as ever, Doctor Hayden responded, “We don’t have anything to give her.”
You wailed as another contraction ripped through your body.
Doctor Hayden clocked a weathered glance at Jaehyun and spoke quietly, “Calm her down.”
Jaehyun squeezed your hand and crooned, “Baby, you can do this. You’re doing great.”
“You’re a shit liar,” you panted. You were convinced that given the searing pain between your legs, you were currently being torn apart from the inside. The pressure in your body felt strong enough to break through bones. “You always have been.”
Jaehyun didn’t argue. He had never been so scared in his entire life. Every memory he had of fear seemed like paradise compared to this moment. He was beyond terrified.
Doctor Hayden called your name and said, “Big push now.”
You both hated and appreciated how unbothered she was in this situation. Tucking your knees closer to your chest, you bore down with all of your might, vaguely aware of the nurse counting down from ten in the background.
Fuck the stirrups. The nurses were holding your feet now. You needed more leverage.
“Again,” Doctor Hayden pressed.
You sucked in a quick breath and did as told. Pushing was the tiniest relief you got from the crushing pain of contractions. After another count of ten, you were instructed to rest and breathe for a few precious seconds. You slumped back into the bed, woozy.
Jaehyun pressed his lips to the back of your hand for a long moment, eyes fixated on your face. It was unreal. He was looking at you through brand new eyes. How the fuck was someone capable of this much pain without even passing out?
He smoothed a hand over your bare thigh. Never in his life had Jaehyun felt so utterly helpless.
Breathing heavily, your eyes batted with exhaustion and you spoke feebly, “I’m running out of strength.”
Doctor Hayden’s voice seemed distant, but her tone sliced through you like a blade. “Then, you renegotiate with your body to find more strength for your baby.”
Tears clouded your vision as another contraction started. Every inch of you began to shake. You had reached your limit.
Baby, you thought. Think of the baby. My baby. You looked at Jaehyun. Our baby.
“Please get her out,” you whimpered.
“One more push.”
You screamed at the top of your lungs.
All of the blood in your body seemed to be rushing to your head, pounding in your ears. Breathing felt like the hardest chore. Agony was all you knew. You couldn’t believe what your heart was able to endure without giving out entirely.
Then, something landed on your chest and it all vanished in an instant.
A high-pitched cry stole your attention. Someone grabbed your wrists and placed your hands on whatever was now resting on your breasts. You glanced down quickly to see your baby, screaming at the rough hands wiping her little body with a towel.
You blinked through the tears to clear your vision, forcing them to roll in steady streams down your cheeks. “Hi, baby girl,” you rasped. “Hi.”
You had just met her and already your daughter owned you - heart and mind, body and soul.
Jaehyun stood beside you, eyes wide and mouth parted. He was in disbelief and awe. His daughter let her feelings be known, screeching at any who could hear. Jaehyun ran a hand down his face, still in shock.
“Congratulations, you two,” said Doctor Hayden, smiling. “She’s beautiful.”
“Thank you,” you and Jaehyun stammered out in perfect sync, lost for breath. And words.
Your baby calmed a little with the steady thumping of your heart beneath her, just as exhausted as you were and rightfully so. Jaehyun hovered above you, his hand smoothing your hair back from your sweaty forehead. He lingered a kiss on your brow and you stared up at him in wonder. You had just brought a little extra light into the world.
And she was beautiful.
It seemed like an eternity passed for Jaehyun until he was instructed to sit on the adjacent chair and take off his shirt. The baby was put on his naked chest for skin to skin contact and he held her carefully like she was made of the most fragile glass.
You lay there in the hospital bed, blinking slowly with exhaustion, but also contentment. Jaehyun spoke quietly to his daughter in his mother tongue, patting her back over the blanket draped across them both. You could only see a glimpse of her rosy cheeks, but you knew she was nestled in the safest place in the world - Jaehyun’s arms.
Father and daughter had a moment where her eyes locked with his and didn’t let go.
And she looked thoroughly unimpressed with the situation.
Jaehyun snorted with relief and joy at her expression. He was out of his mind, consumed from head to toe in unconditional love for his baby.
She looked like him. Her cheeks were adorably round and full. She had his mouth and chin and nose. But her eyes were all yours.
Jaehyun glanced up at you, sensing your gaze on him, and flushed bashfully. “She’s so small,” he murmured, voice trembling.
“Yeah,” was all you had the energy to say. You were cleaned up and tucked into bed, and though there was a persistent pain in the core of your body, you didn’t bat an eye at it.
She was more than worth it. After giving birth, you were convinced you could do anything. One look at your baby girl was pure magic.
Jaehyun sniffed and the tears rolled down his cheeks. “Don’t tell the boys I cried,” he quipped lightly.
“Cry, Jaehyun,” you whispered, hoarse. “She’s worth crying over.”
Jaehyun was inclined to agree. He gave you an indescribable look that conveyed a love more than words ever could, a look you would never forget as long as you lived, and smiled before craning down to kiss the top of her head, smoothing his hand over her dark hair.
When she was back in your arms, suckling peacefully at your breast, you turned to Jaehyun and simpered. Jaehyun didn’t hesitate to lean in and seal his lips to yours in a kiss that made your heart skip a beat.
You quipped, “I am never having sex again.”
Considering the past few hours, Jaehyun chuckled and though he knew it was a lie, replied, “That’s fair.”
These works are fictional and for entertainment purposes only, but are licensed and protected under a creative commons attribution-noncommercial-noderivatives 4.0 international license. Any instances of plagiarism will be dealt with accordingly. Do not re-post or translate without my permission.
copyright 2020 - 2021 © yutaholic (formerly zenyukhei) all rights reserved
2K notes · View notes
dilf jaehyun //
pairing: jung jaehyun x female reader
genres and tropes: smut, pwp, dilf jaehyun, neighbour! jaehyun, babysitter! reader
warnings: 18+, very cliché p*rn stuff, age difference, profanities, oral sex (m), impact play, breath play, creampie, breeding kink, daddy kink, hair pulling, unprotected sex
word count: 2.6k
a/n: DILF JAEHYUN AGENDA YES🥵🥵💦💦 for all my thirsty hoes<3 had to write this when man was out there looking so fucking hot in that suit😭 also this is straight up cliché p*rn you'll find on any of those sites and some really bad smut, so sorry for that...
hey and this is a celebratory fic for 1 year anniversary of my blog for turning into a kpop writing blog!
taglist: @dreamyyang @ethereal-eirene @keeach @doyoungsjohnny @nctlover94 @yeetmetoheaven @jaesayshi @httpjeongjaes @demuremochi @jisooapproved @janedukiesworld @dearjaehyxn @jensdior @one800127@thoreeo @seodojaezz @the-universe-in-you-jjh @ijuuy @sunshinedhyuck @naviercallisto
You quietly shut the door of the kid’s bedroom after you were assured she was asleep. With a satisfied sigh, you climbed down the stairs and into the living room.
Glancing at the clock, you saw that it was already past 11pm. You were babysitting for Mr. Jung who had just moved into the neighborhood with his seven year old daughter. You had your other responsibilities and college stuff, so why exactly were you here in your neighbor's house at this hour of the night?
Well, it would be an understatement to say that Mr. Jung was good looking. The man was fine as hell, had the body of a Greek god and he even smelled heavenly. The features on his face complemented each other perfectly and made him look like he was sculpted by an amazing artist. And oh, he was definitely packing down there. The number of times he had caught you staring at him was embarrassing and he probably knew already that you had the hots for him. He was a whole ass meal and had several people drooling for him.
Mr. Jung was basically a sex god and someone every girl dreamed of.
Whilst daydreaming about Mr. Jung, you had reached the guest bedroom. He was gonna be in later in the night and so he had asked you to stay at his house (of course he couldn't just ask you to leave in the middle of the night). And you were more than willing to stay. Any opportunity to be near Mr. Jung.
Like a Sims whose action was changed, you were suddenly curious about Mr. Jung's bedroom. You had babysitted just two times before and at daytime. So you never had the chance to look much around the house. With quiet steps, you set out for his bedroom.
You placed your hand on the knob of the door and turned it, and to your luck it wasn't locked. You were met with darkness, only slight light coming from outside the window. Your hand found the switch board and as soon as the light turned on, you were met with a neat and pristine king sized bed. The room was overall very minimalistic with a lot of blacks, greys and whites, just like the rest of his house.
Stepping further into the room, you saw two doors to the left. You assumed one was the closet. What does Mr. Jung's closet look like? You pushed the door into a smaller space which was almost infused with Mr. Jung’s signature perfume in the air. You took in the sweet smell and went inside, your eyes wandering around. The line of white shirts was stark to the eyes. You ran a hand over the smooth linen. How would I look like in Mr. Jung’s shirt? The thought came uninvited to your mind. Probably all the perfume getting to your head. Without thinking you got rid of your night clothes and put on his shirt.
“What are you doing?” Startled, you let out a yelp at Mr. Jung’s voice and turned around, the shirt still unbuttoned.
You sucked in a breath when you met eyes with Mr. Jung. Even though he had come back from a long day at work, the man managed to look like he had just stepped out of a fashion magazine. His tailored suit fitted his body perfectly, while the white shirt inside hugged him deliciously. Your eyes stopped right below his waist but darted back straight to his face when you heard his deep voice.
“Is that my shirt?” His eyes raked over your figure and suddenly you were very aware that you were standing in front of Mr. Jung in just your bra and panties, and his shirt. A smirk formed on his face.
“I- uh, I, I’m sorry, I didn’t really mean to,” you were flustered now by his strong gaze but at the same time feeling a heat pool between your thighs.
"Oh, really?" Mr. Jung tilted his head to one side and buried his hands in his pockets. He started walking towards you but you were rooted to your spot. He now stared shamelessly at your breasts and oh, how you just wanted to bare them for him. He stopped right in front of you, totally invading your personal bubble.
Your breath quickened by the proximity.
"You think I haven't noticed how you look at me Y/N?" he said in a low voice. "Your 'accidental' touches and flashing?"
His one hand slid up the side of your thigh, making you suck in a sharp breath as he grabbed your hand to place it on his crotch. You could feel his hardening length below your hands even through the layers of clothes separating you. You couldn’t take your eyes off of him, swallowing dryly. Almost fascinatingly, you slowly grazed your hand on the length. Your eyes snapped up to meet Mr. Jung’s when you heard him take in a sharp breath.
His eyes were dark and filled with lust, and you were sure yours mirrored his. Fuck.
Mr. Jung started walking back out into the bedroom and you followed him like a moth to the flame. As soon as you were out of the closet, you wasted no time and got down on your knees in front of Mr. Jung, your hands instinctively reaching towards the waistband of his pants. Your hands fumbled as you tried to unbutton them.
"Stupid girl, can't even open a simple button." Mr. Jung pushed your hands away and you looked up at him with a little pout, but you loved hearing him talk to you like that.
"I'm sorry Mr. Jung." You gripped onto his thighs and watched him take out his cock in a swift motion, almost drooling at his big and thick cock. It was so big and you were sure it was only half-hard right now. You couldn't help but think if it will even fit inside you.
"Suck me like a good girl then," he simply said.
"Yes daddy." You pressed your tongue against the head, tasting the salty and bitter precum, dragging your tongue along the length and spreading the slick. You moaned lightly, and started licking the head until the bead of liquid disappeared.
"Stop teasing baby." You finally took the whole head into your mouth and the man above let out a low moan.
Mr. Jung's one hand slid into your hair and gripped the strands. He slowly pushed your head down on his cock but not fully, letting you get used to it. You started bobbing your head up and down his length and Mr. Jung started pushing you even more. You moaned when you felt his tip hit the back of your throat and his cock was not even fully inside your mouth yet.
"Take it like a good girl." He grunted as you hollowed your cheeks and relaxed your throat, trying to control your gag reflex. Mr. Jung pushed inside completely and your nose was almost touching his abdomen, buried in the pubes.
"That's it." He forced your head on and off his cock. You couldn't breathe but you loved the feeling of your throat burning because of the cock. Tears and drool mixed at your chin and Mr. Jung absolutely loved the sight in front of him. You pushed at his thighs when you couldn't take it anymore and he let go of your head, to let you cough and breathe a little.
Almost immediately you missed the feeling of his cock and so you took him again, your hand moving along the rest of the length as you bobbed your head and sucked him off.
"Mmm," you let out moans knowing Mr. Jung would like them, looking up at him simultaneously through your damp lashes.
You subconsciously rubbed your thighs trying to get some friction, and Mr. Jung noticed your movement.
"Looks like someone is getting needy." You let him go with a pop sound and smiled sweetly at him. Mr. Jung pulled you up to the bed, laying you down as he got on top of you after discarding his suit jacket.
For the first time that night, your lips met his. It was a sloppy kiss, too much tongue and spit exchanged. Mr. Jung was just as much turned on as you.
"Mmm daddy, want you," you moaned into the kiss and bucked your hips up to meet his.
"Want my cock huh?"
"Yes yes, please," you almost whined.
Mr. Jung broke apart from your lips and started kissing down your jaw and throat, biting lightly at your neck. His hands helped take off his shirt you were wearing while keeping his lips on you. You sighed as he kissed your sensitive spots. Never did you think you would be in this position ever. Mr. Jung always seemed almost unreachable to you, out of your league. Yet here you were, getting your bra taken off by the sex god. His lips attached to your nipples while one hand rolled and pinched the other one. You gasped at the sensation, your nipples hot wired directly to your core.
"Daddy please," you whimpered now, wanting any friction on your core.
Mr. Jung clicked his tongue at you, "So impatient baby girl." But he smirked at the same time at your neediness. His hand snaked towards your stomach and you felt your muscles tighten, anticipating his next move. He proceeded to cup your clothed core, pressing his heel a bit. You gasped when you felt him press against your clit.
"You make such pretty noises, Y/N." But he stopped too soon. You looked at him to see him removing his clothes. You watched, mesmerised, as he unbuttoned his shirt one by one. His perfect body slowly came into view and you almost dropped your jaw at how gorgeous he was.
"You are gonna drool, stupid girl." He chuckled at you.
Eager now, you went ahead and got rid of your panties quickly. Mr. Jung stroked his cock as he got between your legs again. Your breath hitched when you felt his tip grazing your slit. You moaned when he pressed it a little against your clit. He repeated it a few times, teasing you, successfully riling you up even more.
You whined and bucked your hips, trying to get him to slip past your entrance. But that was a wrong move. You cried out as he slapped your pussy, not once but several times.
"Such a slut, all you want is daddy's cock huh," Mr. Jung grunted and finally pushed inside you. Your walls stretched around his girth. He was so big, you had never been stretched so much but your arousal did help him sliding in.
"Fuck, such a tight little pussy."
You moaned loudly at the invasion, but the pain quickly turned into pleasure. His hips finally met yours and he was completely inside you. You felt so full, so stuffed full of his cock that you were pretty sure your juices were overflowing by now. "You're s-so big," you moaned in a small voice.
Mr. Jung started moving slowly at first, your tight wet walls holding onto him. You almost screamed when he completely pulled out only to slam back into you. He started thrusting into you hard, his length reaching places you never knew anyone could. The squelching sounds with every thrust filled the room, you were glad the walls of houses were thick in your neighbourhood.
You freely let out moans as his hips met yours and closed your eyes. Mr. Jung gripped your thighs tight, which was definitely gonna leave bruises. The sounds of his moans and grunts also filled the room, but you were too focused on the pleasure, feeling your high build up.
"I- I am... I need to cum," you said in between heavy breaths.
"Ask nicely, baby," Mr. Jung enunciated each word with particularly hard thrusts and you cried out yet again. Tears spilled down the side of your cheeks with how hard he was going. But oh you loved how roughly he was handling you.
You opened your eyes and looked at Mr. Jung. "D-daddy, I need to cum, please." You dragged out the please and the smirk on his face said he was satisfied with the plea. He pushed your knees further into your chest and gave you another few particular hard thrusts, before pulling out completely.
Mr. Jung quickly flipped your position, to get you on your hands and knees, pressing down on the small of your back to get you to arch. Gripping your ass tightly, he spread the cheeks to look at your core. Your dripping pussy was on display for him and he couldn't help but trace his fingers through your slit. "So wet for me, you're practically dripping on the sheets baby girl." You squirmed at his touch, a little flustered. He gave your ass a few hits, not too hard, but enough to make you feel tingles and even more turned on.
You let out a sigh of relief mixed with satisfaction when you felt his cock pushing inside you again. But then you felt his hand gripping your hair and pulling you up from it.
The pull stung, but it only added to the pleasure. Incoherent noises mixed with moans and whimpers left your mouth as Mr. Jung pounded into your from behind. He was relentless, but you loved every second of it. He let go of your hair after a few moments, but he pulled you up from your waist so that you were now almost vertical. His other hand, now went up and gripped your throat. He lightly pressed his fingers, blocking your airways.
"Y-yes, daddy harder." You said and he pressed around your throat even more, now making you feel light headed. It elevated the sensations even more, and you could feel your whole body responding to the pleasure.
"You like that, don't you? My hand around your throat" Mr. Jung grunted into your ears. You barely moaned at his words.
His thrusts were getting a bit sloppy and you figured he was also close. Your hand somehow found your clit, rubbing it, trying to reach your high. You moved your hand faster and clenched around Mr. Jung as you felt the pressure building in your abdomen.
"I'm gonna cum daddy," you warned Mr. Jung quickly and within seconds you were gushing around his cock. Your eyes rolled back into your head as the wave of pleasure hit your whole body, your thighs quivering and wanting to clamp shut together.
"Shit, I'm gonna cum," Mr. Jung grunted and you were brought back to the scene again. You clenched repeatedly around him, helping him even though you were feeling sensitive now.
"Yes, breed me daddy, fill me up with your cum." Mr. Jung almost growled at you.
"I wanna feel you cum inside me." Your words encouraged him and with a few more hard and fast thrusts, Mr. Jung spilled inside your pussy. His cum painted your walls white as he let go of you so you could bend again. You could actually feel him filling you up because there was so much cum. Some of it was now spilling out from the sides, but most of it stayed inside you plugged up because of his cock. It was a wonder how his cock was still so big even after an orgasm.
You both panted heavily, trying to catch your breaths for a few moments. Mr. Jung finally pulled his cock out and you could feel his cum and juices dripping out of your pussy. You let out a surprised yelp when you felt his fingers gather the liquids and push inside your sensitive core again.
"Keep all that cum inside like a good girl, mmhm?" And you just had a blissed out smile on your face at his words.
a/n: this was.... idk lmao, just a lot of filth. pleaseee pleaseeee give feedback!!!!!
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[a/n] HI LOVELY! thank you so much for your constant support, i hope you know how grateful i am for it. i enjoyed writing this request so much, so i hope you will enjoy reading it as much as i had fun writing it♡♡
PAIRING. gryffindor!jaehyun x slytherin!reader
GENRES. romance, fluff if you squint your eyes, hogwarts!au
PROMPT. "i’m asking if you love me too?"
Quidditch games were one of the most exciting things about Hogwarts. It was probably one of the very few times when even enemies within respective houses would put their differences aside and band together and cheer on their Quidditch team.
The first game of the season was always the most exhilarating one as it kicked off the Quidditch season, and gave the student body an idea of how much the teams had trained exactly.
“Alright, this year is our year,” Yuta, the captain of the Slytherin’s team, shouted at you all before your team all mounted your broomsticks. “Time to show those Gryffindors who’s boss.” He then shot a glance at you. “I’m counting on you.”
You were a Chaser, probably one of the best players on your team, if not the best. You fist-bumped Yuta in response. “And I trust you to have my back.”
Yuta was an unbelievable, ruthless Beater — you wouldn’t have anyone else but your best friend to guard you.
“Wow, it’s almost as if we’re invisible to them,” Ten muttered next to you, the ⅓ of your little team of Chasers with Haechan, the last Chaser, shaking his head in exasperation.
“They do realize that they’re not the only ones on the team, right?” Sicheng, the other Beater, said in a teasing manner.
You rolled your eyes at their remarks. It was a normal recurrence, almost like a ritual you all go through before an important match. The wooden gates finally opened, revealing a roaring crowd waiting for the teams to fly out. As soon as Yuta kicked off from the ground, you followed him right after with the rest of the team and flew around the pitch.
“Hello, and welcome to Hogwarts’ first Quidditch game of the season!” you heard Jaemin, the announcer, say. “Today’s game — Slytherin versus Gryffindor!”
After flying around, all the players went into their position, placing you directly in front of Gryffindor’s own captain and Keeper, Jung Jaehyun. Ever since he became captain, the Gryffindor team became better, with a lot of students often comparing Jaehyun to Oliver Woods, but without the long speeches.
There was simply something about Quidditch matches that worked you up and always made you think that Jaehyun was an insufferable bloke. He would always taunt you in the beginning of practically every match, but you tried not to let him get to you.
You also promised Yuta that you wouldn’t allow Jaehyun to get in your head, no matter how handsome Jaehyun looked in his Quidditch uniform. But really, how could you not ogle him when the uniform fitted him and his muscles so, so well?
“The players take their position as Madam Hooch steps onto the field to begin the game!”
Jaehyun smirked deviously at you. “Like what you’re seeing?”
You scoffed. “You wish, Jung.”
Yuta called your last name with a small growl and motioned Jaehyun with a tilt of his head. “Focus! We can’t lose this game — I’ve got a bet going on with Johnny that we were going to win today.”
You gave him a look. “Really? You just had to go and make a bet with the other team’s Beater? Do I even want to know what you guys betted on?”
Yuta only smirked.
Madam Hooch gave her usual speech about a good game and kicked the wooden case containing the animated Bludgers, Quaffle and Golden Snitch.
“The Bludgers are up, followed by the Golden Snitch,” Jaemin continued. “Remember, the Snitch is worth 150 points. The Seeker who catches the Snitch ends the game.”
You glanced over at your team’s Seeker, the youngest of your team, Park Jisung, and then looked over at the Gryffindor’s latest addition to their team, who was coincidentally their newest Seeker as well, Zhong Chenle.
Madam Hooch proceeded to hold the Quaffle and threw it up in the air.
“The Quaffle is released and the game begins!”
You immediately flew forward, barely catching the Quaffle before you flew towards Gryffindors’ goalposts, Haechan and Ten following you close behind. You saw from the corner of your eye Johnny hitting a Bludger towards your direction and you immediately tossed the Quaffle to Haechan before flying down, narrowly missing the Bludger.
“I’m going to make you pay for that, Suh!” you shouted at him.
Johnny simply shrugged his shoulders nonchalantly with a feline smile before going after your teammates. Haechan and Ten were getting further and further away from Gryffindor’s goal posts and you tsk-ed at yourself before catching up to them.
Ten was being sandwiched between Lucas and Sungchan, the two Gryffindor giants and Chasers. You dove headfirst and flew below your teammate with Haechan in front of you.
“Ten!” you shouted.
Without even looking at you, Ten immediately dropped the Quaffle to you and you managed to catch it and threw it to Haechan who was already flying ahead.
“Slytherin is still in possession of the Quaffle thanks to their star player’s quick thinking and the Quaffle is now in the possession of Lee Haechan,” Jaemin kept track of the game. “The Quaffle is now going back and forth between Ten and Haechan and they’re getting closer and closer to Gryffindor’s goal posts! And SCORE! Lee Haechan scores! 10 points for Slytherin!”
The game kept going for a while, with you scoring 60 points out of the 100 scored by the Slytherins. It was currently 100 for the Slytherins and 80 for the Gryffindors. The game couldn’t end without one of the Seekers catching the Snitch and you were starting to wonder whether putting Jisung as the Seeker was a good idea or not. He was still new to the game and perhaps pulling him out of the reserve for the first match of the season was a bad idea. But that was Yuta’s call, not yours.
So, while Jisung was flying around and chasing that annoying Golden Snitch, it was your job to continue scoring for your team, even if you were tired.
“Ten passes to their star player and she is flying towards Gryffindor’s goal posts!” Jaemin shouted excitedly. “Sicheng hit a Bludger towards Lucas, knocking him off his broomstick a little, leaving Gryffindor with 2 Chasers for the moment until Lucas is able to mount his broomstick again. Slytherin continues forward without looking back–”
You finally arrived in front of the goal posts with the other players way behind you. Jaehyun seemed exhausted from the game and you almost felt bad but eventually didn’t because that just showed how awesome your plays with Ten and Haechan were.
Jaehyun scoffed at you when you arrived in front of him face-to-face. “You again?”
“Awn, baby,” you cooed at him. “Is that really something you should say to your girlfriend?”
“Do you even love me?” he asked, dramatically.
You pretended not to hear his question — what kind of dumb ass question was that? “Huh, what did you say?”
He shook his head and rolled his eyes. “Do you actually love me? I’m asking if you love me too, dummy!”
Your nose scrunched in response and you said, “No, sorry.” with a fake, sickly sweet voice. Jaehyun’s jaw dropped at your confession and you immediately took this opportunity to fly forward, catching him off-guard. You then swerved and instantly went for the left goal post and threw the Quaffle through the ring, with the Slytherin side of the pitch cheering you on as you scored yet another 10 points for the House.
“That was a low blow.”
You almost laughed at how disheartened Jaehyun looked, probably because you messed around with him too much. And maybe your answer crossed the line just a little.
“Don’t worry too much, babe,” you said with your lips puckered at him. “I’ll make it up to you.”
He narrowed his eyes, never really liking your plans. “And how exactly are you going to do that?”
You gave him a mysterious smile and flew closer to him.
“Park Jisung caught the Snitch! He receives 150 points for catching the Snitch!” Jaemin announced while Madam Hooch blew her whistle and announced that Slytherin won the game. The green and white section of the crowd went wild with Jaemin jumping around excitedly and shook his little flag around.
“And can someone please tell Jaehyun and his girlfriend to stop snogging in the middle of the field?” your housemate lamented. “They keep doing this after every game!”
Well, how else were you supposed to make it up to your boyfriend, then?
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SUMMARY. You’d be considered lucky to have computer science genius Jeong Jaehyun as your TA, but not for academic reasons.
GENRE. college!au | e2l!au | fluff
pairing. comp sci TA!jaehyun x fem!reader
word count. 2.0k+ words
author’s note. i blame nct for my endless pain. that is all. happy (prob not so happy because writing this gave me pain) reading!
ERROR 404 | ERROR 400 | ERROR 500
Code. Breathe in. Breathe out. Quick sip of your double shot on ice. Repeat.
Fourth year of undergrad. Scratch that. Last year of undergrad. You just can’t wait until you’re out of this hell hole. Your fingers that type and code without end seem to have a mind of their own, only halting to a stop to rub your eyes that get too dry from staring too long at your laptop screen. What time is your tutorial again? Your mind is all over the place.
You pull up your timetable, eyes scanning the somewhat crumpled up paper to find the time of your first tutorial of the semester. You have roughly an hour to kill before your tutorial, but that’s not what’s catching your eye. What catches your eye is the printed name of your TA.
You scoff. Well, fuck.
“Welcome everyone to the first tutorial session of the fall semester!”
It’s quite shocking to see everyone present in the tutorial room. You’ve never seen anyone so eager to attend a tutorial session. There’s a flock of female compsci majors sitting right at the front of the tutorial room, making sure to fall within Jaehyun’s line of sight. You wonder how early they arrived in the tutorial room to get the closest seats to him. Just a minute late to the session, you crack a few knuckles and head to the only seat unoccupied near the back. As if you feel a burning stare on your side profile, you glance to your right to met eyes with—
“My name is Jaehyun, I’ll be your TA for the semester.”
Holding in a scoff, you plop yourself down onto your seat. Pulling out your laptop, you look up from your loading screen to meet eyes with him again. There’s a small smirk spread across his lips. You don’t pay much attention to it.
“Let’s get started, shall we?” Jaehyun begins, turning his back towards the class to pull down the projector screen.
As he’s setting up, you take the chance to examine him. He’s sporting a grey hoodie with a navy blue shirt on top. It looks like he had just woken up from a power nap and remembered that he had a tutorial session to teach. You could be right, especially when he lets out a small yawn and rubs his left eye.
“Have you all started on your assignments? I think Professor Kim posted the instructions.” Jaehyun asks to start a conversation. All the students answer in all different forms, from I barely even started! to We have an assignment? but you just sit in your seat, finishing the last few bits of the assignment itself.
If there was one thing you learned in the past three (and a few months) of undergrad, it was to stay on top of your shit. No relationships. No dates. Just you and the comfort of your laptop and twin-sized bed covered by a shit ton of pillows. Sure, your social life only consisted of your best friend slash roommate Mark Lee and your childhood friend Kang Mina. But you think two friends are more than enough to drain out your social battery. Maybe that’s why you’re graduating on time. Maybe that’s why you’re always on the Dean’s list. Maybe.
“Alright, so here’s the problem set I want you guys to work on for the next ten minutes. Solve it. Collaborate with your peers. If you’re stuck, just give me a shout and I’ll come over to help.” Jaehyun projects the screen of his laptop.
“Will our answers be marked?” One of the girls at the front asks.
He nods his head. “Correct. You have to submit your answers to me by the end of this tutorial so that I can mark it as attendance and also as part of your overall fifteen percent in this tutorial.”
Everyone gets started. A guy sitting in front of you turns around to face you. He places his paper onto your desk and clicks his pen. You quirk an eyebrow. “Have you already started?”
You slowly nod your head. “I think I already got the answer. Do you want to double check with me?”
From the corner of your eye, you can see Jaehyun walking around from table to table. He’s sneaking glances at every paper on each desk, nodding his head when he thinks they’re on track and tilting his head when he thinks they still need to go over their answer. When he finally reaches the back of the room, your classmate finds the answer.
“I got this. What did you get?” Your classmate questions.
You show him your answer and you both compare. Eyebrows furrowing in confusion, you look at the two completely different answers. “I got a completely different answer…”
“Any issues, guys? Stuck?”
You look up from your paper to see Jaehyun. You and your classmate share a look. Your classmate clears his throat. “I actually got a different answer from her.”
Jaehyun bites his lip. “Do you mind if I see what you both did?”
Jaehyun takes your classmate’s handout and scans his work. He quirks an eyebrow before glancing at you. Your eyes meet his and somehow you see a fire ignite in them. He nods at you. “Do you mind if I see what you did?”
“Sure.” You say, handing him your paper.
For a brief moment, if you weren’t overanalyzing it, you swear you felt Jaehyun’s fingers lightly graze yours when he takes your paper. You try to stop yourself from scoffing. He looks at your work, eyes focusing at the top of your paper before scanning from left and right down the paper. He slowly nods his head before giving it back to you.
He nods his head at you. “Y/N’s right.”
“Oh, I guess I have to try again and see if I get the same answer.” Your classmate says sheepishly. “Or Y/N could explain what I did wrong.”
Jaehyun smiles at you. “Nice job, Y/N. It usually takes undergrads a while to complete a problem set like this. It seems you finished it in no time.”
You glance up at him, flashing him a small, timid smile. “Thanks.”
He looks at you a bit longer than he should before he moves onto the next desk. It’s almost as if he’s trying to communicate to you with his eyes. You tear your gaze away from him, beginning to explain your work to your classmate. Sneaking a quick glance at him, you feel yourself freeze in your seat when you catch him looking back at you. His eyebrows slightly raise, as if he’s been caught red-handed, before turning his head back around to talk to your peers sitting a couple of desks in front of yours.
Jeong Jaehyun was known throughout the faculty for being a computer science genius. He looked young, charming, and handsome. A young, charming, and handsome genius, the majority would say. They weren’t wrong. It was extremely difficult to be assigned into his tutorial section. It almost felt like a lottery.
You’d be considered lucky to have computer science genius Jeong Jaehyun as your TA.
But solely not for academic reasons.
“I think he’s interested in you.”
You let out a snort, looking through the vinyls in the R&B section of the store. Your childhood friend, Kang Mina, is celebrating her birthday back in your hometown and you decided to gift her new vinyls for her LP turntable that you had gifted her for Christmas. Music is your great escape. Listening to music was the only thing you did outside of school. That was why you and Mark became great friends, you both bonded over music. If there was someone who knew music and listened to music best, it would be you. And Mark. Mina was becoming like the both of you.
“He is not interested in me.” You chuckle. “What makes you think that?”
“Jaehyun’s in the same fraternity as me, Y/N. I hope you remember that.” Mark says on the other line.
You roll your eyes. “And how is that related to him being interested in me?”
“If there was someone out of the two of us who knew him more, it would be me. You guys seem to match each other in terms of personality. I think you guys would suit each other, actually. I think he’s interested in you, and in this essay, I will prove—”
“Funny.” You fake a laugh. “Ha ha ha. Wait, how did you know that Jaehyun’s my TA?”
Mark grins. You can hear him grin on the phone. “Because he told me. He knows that we’re roommates.”
“Disgusting.” You mumble. “Ah! I found it.”
“You found what?”
“Blond. Frank Ocean’s vinyl.” You answer. “This album is always sold out. But when I got an email about the restock, I came running just to get it. This album sells out fast right after restocks.”
“Oh, shit really?”
“Oh, I’m quite lucky today, I should buy myself a lottery ticket!” You exclaim, pulling out the last vinyl of the album they have in stock. “It’s the last one in stock.”
“Oh, that’s funny because—”
“Excuse me, do you happen to have this album in stock?”
You freeze at the familiar voice. Slowly looking over your shoulder, you spot none other than Jaehyun standing a couple of metres from the store entrance, talking to an employee. The employee points in your direction and your eyes widen. You quickly look away, making a beeline for the checkout desk.
“Y/N? You went silent for a second there. Are you okay?”
You almost choke on your spit. You place your vinyl onto the desk and meet eyes with an employee. She smiles at you, looks past your shoulder as if she spots Jaehyun in the store, and tucks a strand of hair behind her ear. “Sorry, I’ll call you back, okay? Hi, yes, I’d like to buy this.”
Jaehyun follows the employee’s direction. The employee points towards the R&B section of the store. “I think we have two left in stock? But it’s been a couple of hours since we opened the store so there might be only one left. You could go over and check, if you’d like.”
Jaehyun smiles. “Thanks. I’ll go check it out.”
He makes it to the R&B section and begins to look through the vinyls. Blond. Frank Ocean. Where is it? It’s been a while since he wanted to get a vinyl for that album. It’s always sold out. He hasn’t been quite lucky getting a copy whenever the stores restock. He finally reaches the O section of the shelf and looks closely for the album. Nothing. It’s sold out again?
“Are you perhaps looking for Blond?” One of the employees asks. It’s a woman, almost around his age. She tucks a strand of hair behind her ear.
Jaehyun nods his head. “Yes. Is it still in stock?”
She shakes her head. “Unfortunately, we had just ran out of stock.”
“Ah, that sucks—”
“That’s funny because the customer who took the last copy was just here.” The employee says softly, looking towards the door and gasps. “Oh, there she is. She’s the one who bought the last one we have in stock.”
Jaehyun turns around and looks at the door. A familiar woman is heading out with the vinyl he’s been looking so hard for just to get. His eyes squint and he excuses himself, dashing towards the door. When he steps out of the store, he finds you already a couple of metres away.
“Y/N?” He calls out.
You almost stop in your tracks when you hear Jaehyun’s voice calling out your name. But you play it off, continuing to walk down the sidewalk as if you didn’t hear him. He doesn’t call out your name a second or third time, and you sigh with relief when you turn a corner. Your phone vibrates.
“Y/N, do you mind meeting me at the cafe? I’m on my way. I just finished studying and I’m in need of caffeine.” Mark says. “And you didn’t call me back! I thought something bad happened.”
“Ah, sorry, something came up. I’ll meet you there. Are we going to the usual?”
He hums in reply. “Yes, at the usual. I’ll see you.”
When you hang up, you turn back around to head to the cafe before bumping into someone. From the sudden impact, it makes you stumble backwards. Looking up, you meet eyes with—
“Frank Ocean’s Blond, huh? Long time no see, Y/N.”
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love, published! | teaser
PAIRING. jaehyun x fem!reader
GENRE. fake dating!au, fluff, slight angst
WORD COUNT. est 5k (teaser: 335)
WARNINGS. none that i can think of yet :)
SUMMARY. writing romance for the first time seems like a challenge for someone who usually does thriller. well, not until jaehyun came along.
send an ask or reply to be added to the taglist // read it here
“so what’s your point of having this blind date? like, you must have something in mind or whatever,” he clasped his hands together, crossing his legs over as he does so.
“how about we hear yours first?” you tried to avoid the question. if he’s some kind of hopeless romantic just looking for love, your honest opinion will just make him feel down right? yes, you’re definitely planning to be open and honest to him. nothing annoys you more than deception, lies, betrayal.
“well, for me? i’m just looking for someone dear, you know? i want to make them happy and hopefully, make me happy too. i mean, that’s how love works. you find comfort within them,” you can see the sparks in his eyes when he’s talking about love. holy crap, he is a hopeless romantic.
“oh really? um, can i be honest with you?” he nodded his head, approving whatever you’re about to say. just when you explained the whole inspiration thing you’re looking for, you can almost see the drop in his face. he tried not to make it look too obvious but obviously, being the body language expert you are, you can spot it immediately - shoulders drooping down, breaking eye contact, looking over to the sides. let’s guess the next words coming out of his mouth, let’s just end our lunch? hope you find what you’re looking for?
“if that’s what you want, i’m down for it. let’s do this thing.”
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i like me better (when i’m with you) | 2.2 ✎
SYNOPSIS. the strangers to lovers college!au in which Kim Sooyeon’s friends are tired of her complaining about being single and find her perfect match in the one and only campus DJ, Jeong Jaehyun.
PAIRING. Jeong Jaehyun x Kim Sooyeon [female O.C.]
GENRE. college!au, strangers to lovers!au, radio dj!jaehyun, skater!oc, slow burn, fluff, angst, highly suggestive/smut content in future chapters (warnings posted beforehand)
WARNINGS FOR THIS CHAPTER. mentions of food and alcohol
“Jae, open the hell up! I have to pee!” Sejeong banged on the door impatiently, the loud noise startling the people on the other side. As much as Sooyeon tried to stop her roommate from embarrassing her to death, Sejeong would not let up. Sooyeon heard a bit of scrambling before someone came to let them in.
“Hi, sorry,” Jaehyun greeted them once the door swung open, sounding a little winded. His beautiful face was already flushed, cheeks and ears aglow. Sooyeon took a moment to give him a once over—she couldn’t understand how someone could possibly look that good in unstyled hair, a loose shirt, and sweatpants. It was almost insulting how handsome he looked; the girl wasn’t sure whether she wanted to slap him or kiss him.
Not that she actually would. After all, Sooyeon wasn’t close to him. She barely knew him herself. The things she knew about Jeong Jaehyun were passed on by her friends—how his dimples pop out when he’s really happy, his low laugh when he’s entertained, his heavenly voice that belonged on a jazz album. There were a few things the twenty-one year old knew but there were so many things she didn’t. But a little part of her wanted to get to know him more.
And maybe, this hangout would be the start of it all.
Sooyeon smiled at him bashfully. She almost waved at him but she stopped herself when she felt the weight of the large Tupperware filled with cookies in her hands.
Acting as if she owned the place, Sejeong maneuvered her way around the two lingering by the door. She hastily dropped her overnight bag, the sound of the heavyweight snapping Sooyeon out of her thoughts. She watched as her roommate pushed her way through the entrance before heading to the bathroom.
“Sorry about her,” Sooyeon awkwardly apologized on her roommate’s behalf. Feeling a bit reserved since it was only their second time meeting, the brown-haired girl couldn’t really bring herself to look Jaehyun in the eye.
“Hi,” he laughed, running his fingers through his thick hair. Sooyeon’s eyes lingered on his thin digits for a bit too long. She wondered if his hands were cold like hers. Or was he warm-blooded? Did he just run warm all the time? And his hair—did it feel as smooth and luscious as it looked?
“Don’t worry about her, she does this all the time when everyone’s over. But, uh, yeah, welcome to my place? The others are here already.”
Shifting a bit to keep her duffle bag strap from falling off her shoulder, Sooyeon juggled the large container of freshly baked goods in her arms. Noticing his new friend’s struggle, Jaehyun ushered her in. He grabbed both the container and the bag from her hold. It was the little things that always got her. She was sure that if Johnny or Mark did something like this for her, she would smile in appreciation. But with a new face like his—a new handsome face—the butterflies shuffled their way around their tummy.
“Umm, I brought some snickerdoodles,” Sooyeon blurted out, gesturing to the container in his hands. She immediately cringed at how awkward she was—god, how did she even have friends? From the corner of her eye, she spotted Mark holding back a laugh and Mina slapping him at his reaction. She gave the nervous wreck a reassuring smile, knowing how she was around new people…especially when they were good-looking strangers.
“Ah, yes. The famous snickerdoodles I keep hearing about. These happen to be my favorite type of cookie, you know?”
“Really now?” Sooyeon’s eyes twinkled just a bit and Jaehyun caught sight of it, his nose scrunching up with joy at her positive reaction.
“Yup, can’t wait to try them,” he winked, catching his guest off guard before dropping the treats off at the kitchen counter. Sooyeon was surprised her knees didn’t buckle at the sight. The group of people gathered around Jaehyun’s table all snickered at her obvious reaction to his flirting. Glaring at them all didn’t stop the laughter, it only doubled it.
“Everything good?” Jaehyun asked as he came back to Sooyeon’s side. He stood close, his pretty lips curved into a polite smile that only made her flush with heat even more.
Why was Jaehyun looking at her like that?
Why did he look like that?
God, she hated how easily flustered she was. The girl honestly thought it was one of her worst traits. Their best friends, on the other hand, thought it was Sooyeon’s best trait judging by the way they cackled at her over-the-top reactions.
“Yeah, everything’s good. Just great!”
“Did I miss something?” Jaehyun’s head tilted to the side, his thick strands of hair following along with the movement.
“Oh no, nothing! Nothing at all!” Sooyeon squeaked out, voice reaching a higher level. The laughter only grew.
“Okay, so I clearly missed something.”
‘Yeah, the only thing you missed was how easily I am affected by handsome boys,’ Sooyeon thought to herself with a resigned sigh. This was going to be a long night.
Shortly after arriving at Jaehyun’s apartment, the group of friends dug into their dinner and poured endless amounts of soju shots.
An hour after fooling around the dinner table, everyone sluggishly made their way into the living room. The ever-so-affectionate Mina and Mark cuddled up on one corner of the couch while Sejeong claimed the other side, leaving a bowl of popcorn and an assortment of candy in the middle seat. Johnny took up the solo beanie bag with his long legs outstretched, leaving Sooyeon to sit on the blanket-covered floor. She ended up covering herself with one of Jaehyun’s extra comforters, immediately snuggling into its warmth.
“We’re watching A New Hope first!” Johnny announced to the group as Jaehyun began to set up the movie and projector. Everyone but Sooyeon and Jaehyun groaned. They weren’t into science fiction; in fact, they could barely understand the lore and that’s what made it unbearable to watch. For Sooyeon, however, watching these movies brought her a sense of comfort. Lines memorized by heart, Sooyeon loved this movie for the genius it was.
Johnny felt the same way. And judging by the way Jaehyun adored the franchise, the college student believed he had a similar attachment to the movies.
Jaehyun turned off the lights and the epic opening soundtrack blasted through his Bluetooth speakers, signaling the start of the film. It never failed to send shivers down Sooyeon’s spine.
“Ah, no complaining. This is the best Star Wars movie!” she scolded the others playfully, turning back to glare at her friends seated on the couch. Mark threw a piece of popcorn in retaliation.
“Agreed,” Jaehyun smiled at Sooyeon as he sat down next to her. He gently slipped under the same blanket she was using, causing the girl’s body to freeze for just a second. Feeling a bit shy, she tugged her hood on and grabbed a pillow to hug. Digging her chin into the pillow’s softness, Sooyeon’s brown eyes glued themselves into the screen.
“Glad to see someone has taste,” she muttered into the pillow.
“Cute,” Sooyeon heard someone beside her say and she turned her head to see Jaehyun grinning down at her. His dimples were out for a little show-and-tell moment. The boy was happy—him being beside her, their bodies only pillow lengths apart.
“Hey, stop flirting and watch the movie. I’m gonna need someone to explain everything to me,” Sejeong threw another pillow at her roommate. Sooyeon stuck her tongue out at her friend in reply before fully focusing on the sci-fi film playing.
It wasn’t until halfway through the movie that Sooyeon felt someone looking at her. She glanced to her side only to see Jaehyun giving her a soft look, a small smile in tow. The boy seemed to be a lot closer than he was at the start of the movie—there was only a slim pillow in between their two bodies.
Sooyeon buried deeper into the blanket and clutched the pillow in her grip a little tighter out of nervousness. Touching her cold hands to her warming cheeks, she attempted to reduce the heat rushing to her face.
It didn’t work. She could still feel the warmth of the boy only centimeters away, which made her burn even more.
All the while, Jaehyun did his best to hold back a chuckle at Sooyeon’s nervous antics, finding her reactions absolutely adorable. He quite liked her and watching her from the corner of his eye, the boy made up his mind—Jeong Jaehyun couldn’t wait to get to know Kim Sooyeon.
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Under your skin
Images taken from here and here.
Pairing: Jaehyun x Reader
Genre: smut, pwp, romance, angst, a little bit of fluff
Warnings: 18+, fuck buddy Jaehyun, unprotected sex, oral (male and female receiving), fingering, thigh riding (brief), seduction, semi-public sex/sex in risky places, reader is a slight exhibitionist (likes the risk of getting caught, not actually getting caught).
Word Count: 11.3k of smut and angst
Summary: Isn’t it really complicated when one fuck buddy starts catching feels and wanting more? But is it you or Jaehyun?
A/N: Jaehyun stans, I heard you and I had to feed you 😔✌
Somehow, the two of you would always find yourself in a situation like this.
Jaehyun doesn’t know what it is. But it’s like he’s always hungry for you, although hunger doesn’t seem like a plentiful enough word for what you guys do. Like your presence isn’t just that… a presence but a pull. Like your mere scent is the Pied Piper’s tune that hypnotizes him and before he knows it, he is all over you. He thinks you feel the same. Why else would you be pressed up into him, panting a hypnotic rhythm in his ear while his hand strums into your warm desire?
“Fuck, I want you bad.” He whispers at you as if his hands weren’t conveying the message convincingly enough. So he puts them to more work, feeling your breasts over your button down shirt, pulling you closer into him till there is no gap left between your back and his chest.
“Jaehyun, we shouldn’t.” you say weakly, but it’s not a protest as much as it is an erotic declaration. Of course you shouldn’t. Jaehyun knows it is foolish to be doing this here, in an editing room in the middle of a work shift. Of all the places you had sneaked around in before, this is perhaps the most high-risk.
Jaehyun had locked the door, at least. But was that really the most intelligent thing to do? He didn’t know. What if someone knocks? He would have to open the door and whoever enters would find you there with him. But what if he keeps it unlocked? Then whoever enters would find you there with him in a very compromising position. In the grand scheme of things, he’d much rather have the time to put you both in a more respectable stance before you were walked in on.
But he doesn’t think it would do him a fat load of good. He was somehow always hard around you. Like you were both in heat and his body betrayed his mind every single time. He would follow you like a moth to a flame, drag you to the first place he could find to sneak you away and have at you. And you would have at him back, clawing at him till he could feel you under his skin, till you were both losing yourself in throes of passion which was heightened by the fact that you shouldn’t be doing this. It was like you had said.
“I’ve been wanting you all day. I can’t stop.” Jaehyun groans and his hand in your pants is getting more needy, two fingers pushing into you and pumping because he wants you to think that this is a good idea. That this is the best idea ever.
“Oh, fuck…” you gasp, your head falling back on his shoulder, your hand reaching around to grab at the hair on the nape of his neck. His hand on your breasts is squeezing now, kneading at you and he grinds his horny need into you. His eyes are closed and he’s moaning with you when he says,
“Oh, baby, I wanna fuck you right here.” He’s gone, he knows he’s lost his mind, but he’d been hard all day to the thought of you. He was hard in the car when his manager drove him here. He was hard when he tried to record a song. He was hard when the producers told him that he had a different energy today. And by God, he was hard when you walked in because he hadn’t expected to see you. For a moment, he had thought that he was so sex-crazed that his wanktasies had turned to hallucinations. But you had captured his lips with yours the moment the two of you were alone and all his worries had evaporated.
“Here?” your eyes dart to the door and your ears peel to the sounds of other people right outside.
“Yes, here. I want you like crazy, baby.” He’s pulling at the waistband of your pants now, because you haven’t said no and he’s losing his fucking mind. You sense it and fuck, it thrills you.
“Do you have a condom?” you ask him, giving in because holy, wouldn’t it be the hottest thing ever to be fucked in a place of work, right behind the backs of the people who would put your heads on a platter if you were found out?
Jaehyun groans, throwing his head back and for a moment; his hands halt their ministrations. He didn’t have a condom. Fuck, he hadn’t expected to see you today of all days, here of all places. And while he always had one on him because he’d been in a rut ever since he met you… that rut had caused his stash to run out. He hadn’t had the chance to restock and now here you were. Squirming in his arms, hypnotising him with your scent, inviting him to paradise. Fuck. His. Life.
But if he doesn’t get to fuck you today, he would go crazy, that much he knew and Jaehyun didn’t appreciate being blue-balled for very long. “Baby…” he whines, his hands grabbing at you again, his lips at your neck “... can I please fuck you like this, just this once? I need you so fucking bad.” He rolls his hips into your back as if to help his point across.
You don’t know what it is. Maybe it’s the way he’s whining so fucking needily. Maybe it’s the dim lighting in this cramped space that’s clouding your better judgement. Maybe it’s the fact that you’re a couple of young, horny people in heat, grinding on each other in the workplace like degenerates. But you find yourself saying yes, despite every cell in your right mind telling you that it’s a bad idea.
You grab at his hair to get him to focus, just for a moment “If you come inside me, I’ll cut your cock off.” you warn.
He doesn’t need a second longer because he’s pulling your panties down before you change your mind and zipping himself open. If you had wanted him to focus, you did it the wrong way, because fuck, he is so high strung right now that he thinks he might come from you pulling on his hair, threatening him with words that make his cock twitch. He needs to be inside you now.
So he aligns himself to you, holding his cock with one hand and your waist with the other and he finally eases himself in, letting out a long exhale of relief as his aching length finally sinks into your warmth.
“Ahhhh, fuckkk!” he groans out because it feels so fucking good to put his cock to use after an entire day of being hard and not being able to do anything about it. It’s like sinking into a hot bath after you've been freezing in the cold for too long. Or finally finding the exact point to an itch that had been bothering you for hours.
He straightens up to absorb the feeling as he whimpers in his relief and you steady yourself, placing your hand on a filing cabinet that is the only witness to your reckless dissolution. And then his arm snakes around the middle of your chest and the other around your waist; he pulls you into himself and begins fucking you like he had been fantasizing about the entire day. His head finds home on your shoulder and he’s moaning into your ear.
You’re two scoundrels, fucking each other standing up in a small editing room while people that could get you in trouble are right outside. But that just makes you reach your arm back and dig your fingertips into his hips even more. It just makes you reach out to his lips, stroke your thumb across it as you try to even out your own breaths.
“Shh… easy… we can’t get caught…” you remind him because his moans have turned to whines and he’s ramming into you and he’s gasping. He’s in a rut, he’s barely even present but his hand comes to your clit, rubbing too fast.
“I’m gonna need you to come for me, baby, because I can’t go on much longer.” he moans and you think fuck, it is much too soon. But his voice is desperate and you know you don’t have much time left so you bring your mind to the feeling of his hand rubbing your nub and you concentrate on all that is unholy.
Jaehyun’s cock, inside of you--bare, for the very time. Fuck yes, it gets you going. Yes, it felt good to squeeze around him skin to skin, it felt so fucking illicit, but fuckkk, it got you going.
“Come for me, baby, please.” he’s encouraging, no begging you in your ear, so you bring your mind back. Concentrate, you tell yourself and think of more dirty thoughts.
Jaehyun’s fingers on your clit. Strumming so urgently that you’re seeing stars.
“Come for me, baby...”
Jaehyun arm around your belly, squeezing, directing all your desires to your core.
“Come for me…”
Jaehyun’s breath, hot on your neck, helpless, erratic.
“Come for me, please…”
Jaehyun’s deep voice and how it’s trembling in your ear. The fact that you’re making him tremble…
The people outside, unassuming to your reckless fornication. People you both work for. People who brought you here for business. People who think you’re at work.
People who could walk in any time and watch you being taken from behind.
“Oh, baby…” you grab at his wrist to make him stop rubbing at you as you come apart on his cock and he can’t hold on much longer so he pulls out with a cry and you’re on your knees in no time, taking him in your mouth, pumping him, coaxing his release out of him and in your mouth.
Jaehyun’s shoulders are against the filing cabinet, making it knock against the wall, his head is falling back, Adam’s apple bobbing in his throat as he comes, your name on his lips.
You swallow his load, standing up to smile, giving him no chance to react as you kiss him with his salinity fresh on your tongue. You pull away but he leans in again, wanting to kiss you in gratitude now.
He helps you fix your clothes so you look less fucked out. His hands linger on your hips as you fix your bra under your top, but there’s not much you can do about how he’s crumpled the fabric of your shirt. Jaehyun had the aggression of a teenaged boy touching a girl for the first time. But you didn’t mind. It felt nice to be wanted like that.
“I think I’m addicted to you.” he confesses and you grin.
“Maybe I should stop crossing your path so you could sober up.” you tease him, tucking your shirt back in to make yourself look presentable enough to head back out.
He smirks and somehow his eyes are lustful again as they take in your body line. You walk up to him, peck him on the lips and tap his cheek twice with your fingers.
“Stop it. Now go and clear the people away so I can sneak out.” you demand. You might be overthinking but now that your blood isn’t running hot in your veins, you think about how stupid you were being. You start dousing perfume onto yourself and digging into your purse for some gum, as if people would smell the sex on you when you walked out.
“When will I see you again?” Jaehyun asks. Today had been torture. He had spent the entire day hard as fucking nails, fantasizing about having you in every possible position his mind could come up with. He stops himself from revisiting some of those unfulfilled fantasies before he got hard again.
“I don’t know.” you say as you sling your purse over your shoulder “You’ll see me when you see me, I guess.”
Jaehyun looks up and leans in once again to kiss you. “Can I have your number this time?” he asks shamelessly.
You kiss him back and say “Not a chance. Now go before someone actually walks in.”
Jaehyun sighs at yet another failed attempt and finally gets out to trick the people into grabbing a cup of coffee, giving you the chance to sneak out and be about your way.
You keep meeting like this over the next few weeks and truth be told, both of you are a little surprised that you haven't been caught yet.
Jaehyun had a feeling someone would walk in while you were giving him head in the men’s room, but you’d gotten away with it. He could’ve sworn he felt someone peak in when he was on his knees with his head under your skirt in the storage closet. You had undeniably almost gotten busted when Jaehyun was fucking you in the back of your car in the parking lot. And you two were pretty sure some people had stopped talking to listen in on you whilst Jaehyun was balls deep in you in the changing room.
Even right now, when Jaehyun is kissing you without inhibition at a stupid workplace blacklight party, he’s pretty sure all it would take is for someone to accidentally flip the switch on the normal lights and you’d be busted. Your hands are now in his back pocket as you fool about, peaking into every room on the floor; you hit the jackpot when you find yourselves a photobooth. It’s just as well that the machine is broken and is placed in the old break room because people aren’t paying any mind to it. But in exchange, you are only hidden by a thin veil of fabric.
You sit on top of Jaehyun as he pushes his tongue inside your mouth, swirling it around, his hands finding purchase on your ass. He squeezes your flesh, like he was trying to grip as much of it as he possibly could and now his lips are at your breasts. He undos the top buttons of your blouse then presses his lips over your bra, where your nipples might be.
“Fuck me, Jaehyun.” you breathe in his ear and he looks up at you, eyes wide. Even with the strange, dim light hiding most of his features, you still see the surprise on his handsome face.
“Baby…” he kisses at your jawline “Too risky.” he says with a finality that irritates you. You grind your ass on him cruelly and he hisses, his fingertips digging into you.
“But I’m so horny for you, baby.” you tell him crassly, knowing the effect it has on him. You’d never known Jaehyun to be the saintly kind and you were going to kill him if this was the moment he’d chosen to be devout.
“Y/N, your boss is right outside.” he reminds you and if you’d heard him right, you had picked up subtle tones of shock in his voice.
You grind yourself on his thighs, rolling your hips sensually all the way up to his hardness, hands cupping the sides of his neck “That’s why you should make it hard and fast.”
“Fuck…” Jaehyun watches as you hump him. His hands run down your sides and then he closes his eyes to the sensation. Before he knows it, his body is shaking and he knows that if he doesn’t do something quick, he’d cream his pants and he wasn’t sure how kindly you’d react to that accident.
So he grits his teeth and unzips himself, but he’s gone because fuck, where in the world is his hand-eye coordination? You watch him fumble and take him in your hand instead and start pumping him.
“Condom?” you ask curtly.
“Pocket.” he replies because he’s straining his voice from trying to stay quiet to the painful, throbbing sensation between his legs.
You reach into his pocket and pull out the foil you need and roll it onto him. Like a crazed nympho, you grab his cock and start pushing it up your pussy, your panties and skirt be damned. When you’ve gotten him where you wanted him, you tug on his hair and bring your lips close to his.
“Fuck me.” you demand into his mouth and it unleashes something in him because now he grabs your hair at the base of your skull and starts fucking up into you, drawing a surprised moan out of you.
He clamps his other hand over your mouth and you grip at his shirt, both of you lost in the decadent sensation of his cock inside of you while you’re in this photobooth, clutching at each other. The sounds of the party and the music seem to be moving into the background and thrumming in your veins at the same time, clouding your better judgement. You’re pretty sure Jaehyun has never fucked you so good because he’s pumping up into you till he’s grunting in your ear. Your own cries are muffling into his hand and when it’s too much, you wrap your hands around him and mewl into his neck instead as you find your release.
The sound of a door opening breaks through the sound of the music. You both startle, heads snapping in the direction of the disturbance. Jaheyun grabs your waist, as if to pry you off but you hold him down by the shoulders.
“Don’t stop.” you barely whisper into his ear and he nods. Like an inflamed little devil, gently coaxing, blinding, seducing him to sin. You grin at his shocked expression as you begin moving on him, squeezing yourself on his hardness on the upstrokes. You hear some shuffling of feet, like someone’s getting closer. Jaehyun’s fingers dig into your waist and you feel his anxiety but it makes you swirl your hips even more decadently. You watch as his head falls back into the wall, his eyes warning you that he’s about to come apart.
So you clamp your hand over his mouth now and nibble at his earlobe. “Do it.” you words have come out like a breath but Jaehyun’s eyes are squeezed shut as his body twitches and his forehead presses into your shoulder, his hands wrapping tight around you as he empties himself inside of you. If he’s made a sound, it is masked over the swish of the door being shut.
You watch him as he gets his breath back and you laugh silently, the surge of what you’ve done exciting you beyond belief. Jaehyun smiles but looks off into space as if reality is slowly but surely hitting him.
You slide off of him and begin buttoning yourself up, still intoxicated by your orgasm and the thrill of almost getting caught. You’re grinning wide, but you soon realize that Jaehyun is not sharing in your euphoria. He’s ridding himself of the condom, seemingly lost in thought as he zips himself up. You peak through the curtain to make sure you’re alone before you reach out and ruffle his dark hair.
“You okay, there?” you ask as he stands up. He’s tall. You never did realize how tall he really was until right now when he’s standing this close to you. Usually, you two had no reason to stand so close to one another unless you were ripping at each other’s clothes.
“That was way too close.” he mutters and you get the feeling that he sounds slightly upset.
“Yeah, it was.” you chuckle and loop your arms around his neck to look up at him. You’re trying to keep it light but you feel the atmosphere burdening onto you. You peck his lips.
“There’s a dinner next week.” he begins, still not quite meeting your eyes. “Just a casual thing. Some of the guys are renting a barbeque place. Come with me.”
He said the last part not as an invitation or a request. He’s said it like a demand, like a reprehension. Like he wanted to be indemnified. Because the both of you know that you would never say yes under any other circumstance. You’d never given him your number. You’d never replied to any of his messages on all your socials. This was the only way you would see him, hidden away in public spaces, pressing up into his sweaty body while he gave you a few minutes of white hot pleasure.
And if you weren’t standing there feeling like you had taken advantage of the poor boy in his moment of vulnerability, you’re pretty sure you would have never uttered the following words.
“Sure, I’ll come with you.”
Jaehyun’s eyes dart to yours. Like he wasn’t sure he heard the right thing over the sound of the booming music.
“You’ll come?” his pretty eyes are wide.
“I’ll come.” you nod your head and watch as he looks away, fighting a smile but his dimples give him away. He leans in and kisses you slow, so different from the way he’s kissed you before.
You both stay in the photobooth for a while, kissing like that. You, kissing him in apology and him, kissing you with yearning.
It just so happens that on the day of the dinner, you look the goddam prettiest you've ever looked. Jaehyun had only ever seen you in work clothes, dressed to kill every corporate kingpin that ever came your way. But here you were, with your hair down in soft waves and a delicate top on your frame and Jaehyun is pretty sure no one has ever looked as good in jeans as you do tonight. You’ve won everyone over within moments and you are working the room, mixing in with everybody. Jaehyun figured that’s what you were good at. He wasn’t sure what it was that you did for work, but he was guessing talking to people was a big part of it. It seemed so easy for you, to be in a room full of new people, Jaehyun being the only one you did know.
Did you really know him, though? Jaehyun wasn’t sure. You had a way of connecting with people like you’d known them for years, so it would be easy for him to fall into the illusion of familiarity. He supposed he didn’t know you any better than the people you were conversing with now, in this party. He observes from afar as you as you talk to one of the guys. It’s when you catch his eye from across the room and give him a smile that Jaehyun’s heart flutters and he realizes he’s in trouble.
Because this time, it wasn’t his cock that responded to you first. Jaehyun has to snigger to himself when he realizes that he’s looking at the delicate curve of your neck and wondering if you’re cold, not fantasizing about how many hickeys he could leave there. It was just as well. Jaehyun hadn’t seen any other woman ever since he started running into you. If he had to make a quick inventory of his thoughts of the past few weeks, he would find that he thought about you all the time, wondering when he’d see you next.
Fuck, you were beautiful. That much he’d always known. But something about seeing you here, looking the way you looked, comfortably blending in with his world… it was stirring something deep within his chest that felt a bit like nostalgia and a lot like familiarity.
So when it is time for dinner, he sits next to you just to feel close to you in this way. It would have been so easy for him to reach out and hold your hand under the table. But he doesn’t; because he couldn’t. It feels strange to him--the fact that he could, without a second thought, simply bend you over and ram his cock right up your pussy. But reaching out and holding your hand? That somehow felt… forbidden. It felt loaded, like doing it would be the start of something new and frightening and thrilling.
What was it about holding someone’s hand that was so sacred, anyway? He had touched you in a thousand other places in a thousand different ways. So, what was it about the thought of holding your hand that was making his heartbeat quicken?
And when he’s least expecting it, you turn around and smile at him like you’d done earlier, but this time you’re so much closer. And then you take his hand and keep it in yours under the table.
He didn’t think it was possible, but Jaehyun’s heart is racing even more now and he’s pretty sure his ears are changing color from how much heat he can feel in them. You’ve turned your head once again to talk to someone across the table, but he keeps sneaking glances at you. For the first time in a long time, he feels butterflies in his stomach. He’d touched you in places that would make anyone blush, he had fucked you more times than he had fucked anyone else. But here was. Holding your hand like this for the first time, and it was making him lightheaded and giddy and yearnful all at the same time.
He wonders if he’d be able to sleep tonight.
“Meet me in the security room.”
You’d whispered in his ear from behind before you had snuck away. You knew that Jaehyun needn’t turn around to know who had whispered to him. You also knew that he’d be in here within minutes. There were few things in life that you were sure about; the fact that Jaehyun would follow you like a moth to a flame was one of them.
What you hadn’t expected was that Jaehyun would walk in as patiently as he did. No rush, moving like he had all day instead of a few stolen moments. You didn’t expect that he would take your face in his hands so tenderly and kiss you soft. That he would pull away and look at you with eyes so kind and say
You didn’t know what to say back, because you both weren’t exactly the kind to make a lot of conversation during moments like these. More often than not, you’d be rushing to make each other cum as soon as you could before someone on the outside started missing you. You pretty much always had a ticking timer on your heads.
“Hi.” you hadn’t intended it to come out like a question, but it had. You weren’t sure why Jaehyun wasn’t doing anything. Usually by this time, he would have one hand down your pants or up your skirt, or whatever article of clothing you’d chosen to wear on that day. So why was he smiling like that at you, combing away at your hair with his fingers?
You lean in and kiss him, just to initiate something. He kisses you back, but not with the fervent energy you’re used to. He’s supporting the nape of your neck with his fingers and kissing you like he has all the time in the world. You want the kiss to build but he doesn’t take the bait and pulls away. You look at him quizzically and he looks at you softly.
“You know… the office is empty right now.” he begins in a warm tone as he strokes your cheekbones with the pads of his thumbs.
“Mhmm.” is the only thing you can say back. What did it matter if the office were empty or full or anything else? You both had always found a way to be naughty, regardless of how many people were outside.
“Mmm… the guys… the guys won’t be home either. We could… we could go home… to my place. It would be nice and comfortable.” he says and you notice the subtle nervousness in his tone.
You stop a bit. You’re not sure what he’s asking, even though it is a simple proposition. You’re not sure what to say or how to feel about his request. And you know exactly why it is: you were much too comfortable with what you already had. You enjoyed his company precisely like this, in cramped places where he would be all up in your personal space, preferably fucking you hard enough to make you forget your own name for a few minutes. You wouldn’t know what you’d do with all the extra real estate he was offering you right now.
When you’re quiet for too long, he leans in and kisses you soft again but you speak into his lips before pulling away.
“No one… no one will be home?” you ask him carefully.
He searches your face and smiles “No one.”
“Are you sure there’s no one outside?”
He leans in and pecks your lips once again. “I’m very sure.”
You look away, just to get a moment by yourself to think. It’s the only way he’s allowing you to be alone anyway because he’s still caressing your face in a way he has never done before. Like you’re delicate and breakable and to be handled with the utmost care. You almost want to laugh in disbelief because this is the same man that takes no prisoners when he’s having at you. If you’re marked in any way after he’s done, he just kisses your pussy in apology. It’s nothing unusual, it’s just what you both know. So, why does he want you in his bed now?
“Okay, I guess let’s go.” you have no clue why you’ve said what you’ve said. It’s probably because: the logical side of you, the side that’s telling you that this is the worst idea in the world, that nothing good can come out of mixing business with pleasure; that side is tongue tied. But the reckless part of you is the one that spoke, thinking ‘What’s the worst that could happen, Y/N?’ It was a stupid choice.
But when it came to Jaehyun, none of your decisions insofar had been smart, to put it lightly.
So you’ve found yourself in his apartment as he leads you in, apologizing every time you have to step over a dirty dish on the floor or a poorly discarded (and probably used) towel. It’s a bachelor pad, alright; and you find yourself wondering how these people move around when so much of the floor space is taken up by contents of laundry baskets and kitchen sinks.
“Do you have a dog?” you ask him as you look around and tread your way in.
He looks at you sheepishly “Um, no. That’s just… umm… my roommates are really messy.” he says, rubbing the back of his head. “This is my room.”
You walk in and find that compared to the rest of the house, his room is indeed a bit cleaner, though it is probably because it is on the minimalist side. What gets you, though, is that the room has two beds placed end to end, which you suppose is one way to place furniture.
“Your… roommate… he won’t be here?” you ask to guess who the owner of the other bed is.
“Nope. Not for a while. We’re all alone.” He says and now he’s looking at you with that look in his eye once again.
So you walk over to him and lean in to kiss him. He kisses you back, but this time, he lets it build. In fact, he leads the build up. His hands move from your face to the curve of your neck to your shoulders, gently guiding you towards his bed, but you resist.
“Jae… Jaehyun?” you speak into the kiss once more. You’d been doing that a lot today, you realize.
“Hmm?” he hums, still kissing you with the same content smile he was wearing in the security room and still gently urging you to his bed with his hands.
“There’s no sheets?” you ask into the kiss, holding onto him to keep yourself from falling onto the bed, which is exactly what Jaehyun wants. But the truth is, you’ve been looking at his bed from the corner of your eye the entire time you’ve been kissing him. And you’ve been trying to angle away from it the entire time Jaehyun’s been leading you to it. You weren’t exactly a germaphobe, but right now, your silly mind was only thinking of all the things that very naked mattress might have seen.
“Mmm?” he sounds, a little confused as he turns his head to follow your line of sight. “There is a sheet. It’s fitted. Come here.” he says and goes back to kissing you. He snakes an arm to the small of your back and pulls you into him closer and you kiss him back. But then he starts leaning your body to it once again and you push a palm against his chest to stop him.
“Jaehyun, it’s just… there’s no bedding.” you word out once more and it sounds silly, even to your ears, and you have no idea why you’re bringing it up right now, when you’re smack in the middle of the heat of the moment.
“Yeah… um… yeah…” he breathes out and leans in once again to press his lips to yours and this time, you can’t really reciprocate for long enough before you’re pulling away again to say
“It’s just… I can’t be on a bed with no sheets.” you tell him and he pulls away, straightening up with an exhale of frustration. He tilts his head back, as if he’s allowing himself a moment to function like a normal person before he talks to you.
“You want me to change the sheets?” he’s still breathless, and you can tell that you’re testing a man’s patience.
“Yes, please.” you say easily, holding him at arm’s length. It’s awkward, the way the you two are softly panting from all the kissing, yet you’re standing here talking about household chores while the need for sex is throbbing between your legs. And you suppose between his legs as well.
He lets out another calming exhale before he says “Okay. Be right back.”
“Don’t forget the pillow cases.” you call after him as he rushes out of his room. You knew this was enough to test the patience of a saint. But something about treading through the apartment had made you hyper aware that you were in a bachelor pad. You don’t even have enough time to go through your phone before Jaehyun is rushing back, bedding in hand.
“Okay, here it is. Just give me a minute to make the bed.” he says and his voice is strained.
“I’ll help. Is this yours?” you ask him as you move his covers (under which you find discarded socks) and straighten his mattress out.
“I stole my housemate’s. He’s super clean, so don’t worry.” he says, laughing a bit.
You laugh as well and suddenly, you’re both giggling like two school kids as you make the bed, as if the absurdity of what you’re doing is finally kicking in. When the sheets are tucked in and the pillows are well arranged and the covers are dusted off, Jaehyun turns back to you.
“Okay, good?” he asks, pulling you into his body.
You nod “Good,” placing your hands on his shoulders.
“Good.” he repeats and scoops you up and gently places you on the freshly made bed. You both grin at each other till he’s hovering over you and you find your grin fading a bit.
It felt strange to be here like this. Jaehyun presses his lips to yours once again and this time, it makes you nervous. His hand runs up and down your bare shoulder as he begins trailing kisses along your jawline and then your neck and then your collarbone. He is taking his time. His kisses are tender. His face is soft. His smile is fond. And all of this is unsettling you.
How many times had you fucked him before? You had lost count. He had fucked you in so many different ways and so many different places that somewhere along the way, you had stopped keeping record. But you’d never done it quite like this. Something about being so… horizontal in your desire with Jaehyun was making you nervous and uneasy. But Jaehyun.
Jaehyun seemed to be kissing your body in worship. His lips were touching your skin with so much care, like each caress meant a promise. He was undoing your shirt, button by button, and placing a kiss on each bit of skin that was exposed. He kissed at the base of your collarbone, then undid another button. He kissed on the plane of your chest and then your cleavage and then undid another. He kissed the end of your sternum and then kept trailing down till he was at the base of your navel and now the anticipation was making you hold onto the hair at the base of his skull.
He unhooks your skirt and gently tugs it down along your legs. Like he wanted it to be prolonged. And then he sits up to watch you as you lay there in your bra and panties, shirt opened up and peeled away. You’re exposed to him and he’s watching you with eyes full of want. Despite everything you’ve done with him, you find yourself shying away. Because you realize that you’ve never been this bare for him before. You’ve never been the body-conscious kind, but the way Jaehyun is looking at you with so much tenderness in his eyes--it’s making you feel some kind of way.
“Can you kiss me, Y/N?” he requests softly and you lift up to take his face in your palms. You kiss him like he’d asked but you pull away much too soon because you’re not sure how you should kiss him anymore. Unrestrained, wild and needy like you’ve always been? Or slow and sweet, like Jaehyun was being right now?
He captures your head before you let yourself fall back into the pillows and brings you to his lips once more before he breathes out
“You’re so beautiful. I wanna make you feel so good.”
You prop yourself up on your elbows as you watch him continue kissing where he had left off. The base of your navel. Your lower abdomen. Right on your mound over your panties. Then over the epicenter of your heat. Despite the confusion in your mind, you find yourself letting out a soft moan. It makes him look up hopefully.
“Tell me when it feels good, baby.” he tells you before he begins sliding your panties down your legs. His eyes follow the trail they make before he looks at your bare sex. He goes straight for your clit, pressing open mouthed kisses on it till you find yourself flexing your knees and spreading your thighs for him. He runs his hands up and down the insides of them as his tongue laps at your folds, licking up and between them. And then his tongue is inside of you, swirling low and slow. He rubs your clit with his thumb, wanting to double your pleasure. Every so often, he peeks up through his lashes to watch your reaction to gauge his next move.
It’s funny how being pleasured by Jaehyun on a bed is making your mind race the way it’s racing. Because you simply don’t know how to feel about this change of pace. Your need for Jaehyun was always horny and hungry and wanton. It was always explosive and wild, shining bright for a few moments and fading away just as quickly… till the next time you saw him. You had thought Jaehyun had wanted the same thing. To be fair, he hadn’t done anything to communicate otherwise. He had always followed your scent and fucked you exactly how you wanted to be fucked. You wanted nothing more, nothing less. Being with Jaehyun was thrilling. Without fail, Jaehyun would allow you to forget about all the messes in your life for a few minutes and then you both would be about your way.
So why is he being this way now? You find yourself wishing you hadn’t followed him to his home. You could’ve had him right there, in that security room and nothing would have changed. But here he is. Kissing your pussy in his bed like he has all the time in the world. Telling you you’re beautiful. Telling you he wants to make you feel good. And here you are. Doing the one thing you hated, the one thing that made you seek out Jaehyun every time you entered the damn building: overthinking.
You look down at the poor boy, looking up every so often to see how you’re feeling. You know you won’t be able to come like this. Not while your mind is being this way. But you also don’t want to break his spirit, so you tug at his hair and say
“Jaehyun, I want your cock inside me.”
You think you’ve managed to sound needy convincingly enough because Jaehyun’s moving up your body till his face is hovering over yours.
“Yeah?” he asks, kissing your lips.
You nod and rid him of his shirt “Please, Jaehyun.”
“Okay, baby.” he kisses your cheek and lets off just for a moment to get out of his pants. You watch him, truly in the nude for the first time, and somehow, it helps you take your mind off of your thoughts. He’s good looking by anyone’s standards. But right now, your eyes are on his happy trail that’s making your mouth water. You watch him lustfully for a while, concentrating on your animalistic desire, hoping it would chase away whatever other strings you felt Jaehyun was attaching to your arrangement.
Then he’s back, sitting on his knees between your legs, rolling a rubber down his length. You sit up, thinking that if you could just put your face down and ass up, all of this would mean a little less. But Jaehyun has pulled you into him before you’ve even had that thought and he’s kissing your lips while his fingers tuck your hair behind your ears. His hands softly slide your open shirt off of you and unhook your bra. He leads you to the pillows just like this, kissing you and hovering his body over yours. You break the kiss to breathe but he just presses his lips to your cheek now, kissing it over and over like he’s trying to communicate something through them.
“Hold my hand.” he whispers then pulls the covers over your bodies, burying you under a warmth that is so comfortable, that your mind finally stops racing. This was nice. This was wholesome. This was comforting in the way a cup of hot chocolate was in the cold of a winter evening. It was soothing in the way a nice bath was at the end of a long day. Jaehyun’s weight, horizontal on top of you and the covers, snug over you both, shielding you from the outside world. It had a calming, lulling effect.
So you intertwine your fingers with his, the darkness under the covers helping you still your mind and just give in to the sensation Jaehyun wanted to give you tonight.
“I’ve missed you so much,” Jaehyun says in your ear “I want you right here with me.”
Your free hand, the hand that’s not laced with his fingers finds its way to his hair. You feel his forehead and softly move his strands. You find yourself turning your head towards him and pressing a kiss to his temple.
“I am right here with you.” you tell him. It was amazing, how whispering sweet little lies in each other’s ears was making you feel as warm as it was. But now that you’d begun, you had an inkling it would be difficult to stop. The feeling was addicting.
“You promise?” Jaehyun asks and you feel his hardness press against your wet opening.
“I promise.” you stroke his hair and exhale pleasurably when he pushes his length into you.
He moves in you slow. He moans lowly as his hands come to cup the side of your neck. He kisses your cheekbone over and over, rolling his hips into you, making love to you. It was all wrong, this pace was all wrong. But you didn’t want it to stop.
“Will you always be by my side?” he asks softly.
Under the covers, where the outside world meant nothing, where the only thing that mattered was you and him, where the only feeling that existed was pleasure and joy that this boy was giving you, it was so easy to wrap your arms around him and reply
It was probably what he wanted to hear because his lips are on yours again and he’s moving in you like he wants to give you everything, like you are the only girl in this world. So you cling to him, wrapping your arms and legs around him to close any gap that existed between your bodies. You feel every inch of him against every inch of you till you feel you are under his skin and he is under yours. You moan his name in his ear over and over because you think it would be nice for him to hear it like this. His moans are getting more erratic, more desperate and he’s burying his face in your neck and you’re digging your heels in his hips and your nails in his back and encouraging him,
“Come for me, baby. Come for me.”
Jaehyun moans in your ears and you hear him, truly hear his beautiful voice for the first time because he’s not holding back… because there’s no one to hide from. For a moment, you allow yourself to exist in this world under the covers. Where it’s you and him and his beautiful voice. Raw, needy, raspy, and loving, and he’s moaning for you. You’re the one that’s making him moan like that. You allow yourself to hold him in your arms and press your lips to his temple.
“Come for me baby.”
You tell him again and he moves in you with more fervor. He hovers his face over yours and you watch as he works till his voice breaks into a groan and his lips are crashing into yours. You hold him close as he comes, moaning into your mouth as he releases himself inside of you and you’re lightheaded. Everything about this is making you lightheaded.
He finally stills and the two of you stay just like that for a while. Jaehyun’s weight heavy on top of you, his pants slowly evening to breaths. These sounds of nothingness lull you and for the first time in a very long time, your mind is calm.
You would have never moved from here if Jaehyun hadn’t pulled out of you and then flipped you over so he was cradling you in his arms, laying your head on his bare shoulder where his lips could easily press into your forehead. He pulls the covers on top of you once again and begins stroking your hair. It is much too relaxing, being here like this, being held like this, being protected like this and if it weren’t, your mind would be stirring up a storm. But your mind is calm as the ocean because you’re thinking of nothing but Jaehyun’s fingertips in your hair, rubbing patterns that are making your eyes heavy. You have a feeling Jaehyun is smiling at you, but you’re much too comfortable to check and before you know it, everything is still.
It’s the distant sound of a door being unlocked that stirs you awake. It’s like you’re drunk, because you have no idea where you are till you feel fingertips tracing along your spine.
“Shh… go back to sleep.” a handsome voice tells you and it all comes back.
You sit up abruptly and look towards the door.
“Are your roommates back?” you ask urgently.
“They probably are. It’s okay… come here…” he tells you kindly and reaches out for you.
“Shit. How long did I sleep? What time is it?” you ask, running your fingers through your hair in agitation.
“It’s 3 a.m. Y/N, it’s okay--”
“Shit! Why didn’t you wake me up?!” you have no idea why you’re annoyed at him when you’re the one that slipped up. You suddenly realize that you’re very, very naked and you don’t remember where your clothes are.
Jaehyun reaches out to stroke your head “Shh, Y/N. Calm down. It’s your day off tomorrow and it’s my day off, too. No one’s looking for you… it’s okay…”
“Yeah, but…” you begin, agitated when you hear the door handle of his room turn. You have no idea how it happens, but you find yourself taking refuge in his arms. Like your body knew that you had a split second before someone sees you like this and instead of reaching for the covers, you have jumped into his chest. You were not this person. In a flight or fight situation, you had always been one to fight. You had never instinctually leaned into someone for comfort or protection or anything else. You were fiercely, stubbornly and painfully independent.
Perhaps because you never expected anyone to protect you right away like Jaehyun did now. Pulling up the covers and holding you to his chest in record time before the door opens and his roommate walks in.
“Hey, you still awa-- whoaaaa…” you hear a voice and you don’t have to look to know the man has instantly turned around upon seeing what he’s walked into.
“Jungwoo, could you maybe knock?” Jaehyun snubs his roommate and it’s the first time you’ve heard his voice sound like that.
“Sorry, man. I’ll just--I’ll sleep in Mark’s room. Good night!” you wait for the sound of the door being shut before you unbury your face from his chest. His lips are on your forehead again,
“Are you okay?”
“Yeah, I just… I’m sorry…” you begin but trail off because there’s too much going on in your mind again. You’ve felt too many emotions in the span of two minutes. Shock, realization, irritation, agitation, bashfulness, worry. It was exhausting and you didn’t know which emotion to address anymore and all of it was deflating you and you don’t have any more words left.
“Hey.” Jaehyun holds your head and makes you look at him.
“I’m sorry for yelling at you. I know it wasn’t your fault I slept.”
“It’s okay…” he whispers and kisses your lips “Y/N, can you… can you just stay here? With me? Tonight?” he looks up at you with eyes so hopeful that you would’ve said yes if you weren’t in your right mind.
Perhaps, then, you were crazy after all because you’re nodding and laying on his chest under the covers so he could hold you once more. Because before you woke up, this was working. His arms and these covers and his breaths were working on you like Xanax, and truth be told, those couple of hours of sleep you had was the most untroubled you’d slept in a while. It’s almost a greedy, self-preservatory instinct that’s pulling you back into him because you want more of it. You want his arms to calm the storm that’s stirring in your mind.
Jaehyun holds you like this for the rest of the night, softly whispering to you till he’s fallen asleep himself. And when he wakes up in the morning, you’re gone.
Jaehyun doesn’t see you the entire week. Or the week after that. Or the week after that. Or the week after that. And by the fourth week, he became sure you were gone for good.
The first week, he’d kept looking around, waiting for that seductive whisper in his ear that would invite him to paradise. He didn’t find it and it bothered him. He continued with his schedules and hoped he would run into you in at least one of them. He kept turning his head around everywhere he went, scanning every face in every room he walked into. He decided that maybe you had business somewhere else, to he tries to put his mind at ease.
The second week, he became a bit worried and wondered if you were alright. He messaged you wherever he could, hoping that this time you’d reply but to no avail. He scrolled up the line of messages he’d sent you, hoping that perhaps you had replied to at least one of them, that maybe you had left a message telling him where you were. He’s not that lucky, though. He’s tempted to go around asking for you and he eventually, he does. But all the people who’d know you aren’t close enough to you to know where you are. That’s when the bitterness sets in. Because he realizes, that’s what he is to you… another person who isn’t close enough. He had fooled himself into believing otherwise. He scoffs in disbelief for allowing himself to fall for an aloof woman. Of course, he would be that kind.
By the third week, his spirit was broken with his heart, even though he doesn’t realize it. He tries to get back on the horse because honestly, fuck you. Fuck you for thinking you could treat him like that and just disappear. Seriously, fuck you. There were so many girls out there in the world. He didn’t need you. Any one of them could make his cock wet. But when he’s locked up in a room at a house party, kissing one of them, he doesn’t know why keeps thinking of you. He keeps thinking it’s your body that’s pressing into him, not this girl’s. He keeps imagining it’s yours lips that are pressing into his, not this girl’s. He keeps picturing it’s your hand that is sliding into his pants, not this girl’s. But his mind is simply not powerful enough to replace what was real. And the girl is looking up to him and saying “Dude, why aren’t you getting hard?” when he pushes her away and makes up some bullshit excuse about being too drunk.
He goes home that night and gets in bed and lines up all the fucking porn he knows he enjoys. He grabs his meat and strokes it urgently, because fuck that. Of course he gets hard. Why wouldn’t he get hard? But when he’s watching a porn girl smiling up at her man and burying her face in his neck, he has tears stinging in his eyes because it reminds him so much of you. And that’s when he knows he’s truly fucked. He slams his laptop shut too hard and throws his forearm over his eyes and cries and laughs at the irony of it all. You had broken him. You had well and truly broken his heart and his cock. He wonders if he’d be able to use either of them ever again.
He cries himself to sleep that night until all the anger has left his body and all that remains are good memories. It’s not like he had any distinct memories with you anyway. But he holds onto how he felt when he was with you. He remembers your smile, the smell of your hair, how his heart had fluttered the first time you had held his hand at that party, how soothing it had been to hold you in his arms and believe he could keep you that one stolen night. When he finally wakes, he doesn’t feel anger or regret or yearning or anything else. He just feels closure. At least he thinks he does. Because that morning at breakfast, when Jungwoo finds a reason to stay with him to ask, “Is it because of what I saw that day?” Jaehyun is silent. He didn’t have a reason to deny it anymore. Yes, he had met a girl who had broken his heart. Tale as old as time. It had happened to a thousand boys before him. He shouldn’t hide it. And he was silly to think his friends wouldn’t pick up on him sulking for a few weeks straight.
By the fourth week, he knows he’s never going to see you again so he decides to move on. He gets up every morning and goes to work. He occupies himself by training too hard. He practices each choreography into the night so when he gets home, his body is too tired to do much else but sleep. He goes to the studio and works hard to record his tracks. He films his videos and volunteers for every schedule his manager brings his way. He keeps himself busy and occupied and functioning.
He sits in the building’s coffee shop alone for lunch time and mulls over the rest of the day. He had been feeling a lot better lately. He’d even been to the gym this morning and smiled at a cute girl when she complimented his grey shirt. He was getting his life back on track, he felt. He had stopped being sad and sulky and had started to appreciate the clear skies when he saw them. Things were turning around.
Suddenly, he feels a presence break through his thoughts. An arm reaches out and steals a French fry from his plate and Jaehyun doesn’t have to look up to know exactly who it is. He smelt you before you had even fully approached him. And still, Jaehyun finds himself looking up at you with his eyes wide. If his mouth was hanging open, he wouldn’t be surprised.
But you’re standing there, smiling at him.
“Hi.” you say, like it was the easiest thing to say. He had forgotten how beautiful you were. It’s not like he had any pictures of you to remember you by--just his memories. But his mind had done a poor job of committing you to those damn memories because he doesn’t remember you being this fucking beautiful. He didn’t remember your skin having that glow or your eyes having that sparkle or your smile having that mischief. Maybe women got more beautiful after they had broken a few hearts. But ‘Hi’? You had disappeared from his life without a trace and you had the audacity to say fucking hi?
“Where have you been?” Jaehyun hadn’t meant for it to come out the way it did. Like a breath. Like an accusation. Like a cry for help. As if to say ‘Look what you’ve done to me’.
And you’re there, smiling so easily, sitting across from him, stealing another one of his fries. How could you be smiling like that and sitting there like that and eating fries? How was all of this so easy for you?
“On vacation.” you say, grinning wide.
Jaehyun’s eyes widen. He’s floored. He doesn’t know what the fuck to say. “On… vacation...” he says incredulously because he’s been here, crying into his pillow every night with a cock that doesn’t work anymore and you’ve been on fucking vacation?
“Mhmm. I wanted to see the sun. I hate this weather.” you say easily as you nibble on the end of another fry “These are so salty.” you stick your tongue out and get up and lean over the table to whisper to him, “I brought you back a present...” you say and gently tug on the collar of your shirt to show him the strap of your bra. “Meet me in the storage room,” you whisper in his ear and walk away, looking over your shoulder to smile at him like a minx.
Jaehyun sits there, nothing short of shocked as he watches you in the flesh, walking away from him. You were never this cruel in his fantasies. When he missed you, he thought only of the sweet nothings you had whispered in his ear that night in his bed. But that wasn’t you. This was you. You were a cruel, cruel woman.
That’s why Jaehyun hates himself for following you. He hates that you’re still that fucking Pied Piper’s tune to him. He hates that his cock has finally twitched in his pants for the first time in a month. He hates himself and he hates you and he hates everything.
So when you fling your arms around him in the storage room with that same bright smile, Jaehyun pushes you away because he can’t hide the bitterness any longer.
“I don’t want this anymore. Not like this.” he states and he looks away before the lump in his throat would turn to tears in his eyes.
But you’re still smiling. “Then how do you want it?”
“Y/N, you can’t do that. You can’t play with people’s hearts like that. You can’t sleep with me for weeks and weeks and weeks and never give me your number. You can’t avoid me every time I message you. You can’t disappear like this without telling me where you’ve been. And you can’t just come back and still expect me to follow you. Do you have any idea what I’ve been through?” Jaehyun accuses because he can’t believe you. How can you be standing here calm as fucking day after all you had done to him.
“I’m sorry I disappeared. I just needed time to think.” you walk ahead and take his hand in yours “I’m sorry.”
But Jaehyun pulls away “What did you need to think about for a month?”
“About how I would kiss you when I saw you again.”
“What is wrong with you?! How can you be joking after all you’ve done to me?” Jaehyun can’t stay here anymore. You were unbelievable. You were cruel. You were mocking his heartbreak like it was what you had come back to do. Jaehyun turns away to leave but you grab his wrist.
“I also needed to think about how I’m in love with you.”
Jaehyun pauses before he turns. He’s not sure he’s heard you right. “What?”
“You heard me.”
“Y/N… don’t play with me like that. Please.” Jaehyun’s eyes close and this time, his tone is not one of anger or disbelief. He’s begging now. He’s requesting you to let him honorably walk away with what was left of his heart.
“I mean it, Jaehyun. I’m sorry it took me so long.” you tell him. You touch his face and his eyes open. “Let me show you.” you say, pressing your lips to his because this is the only way you and him communicate. You kiss him and smile when you find him kissing you back, in spite of the broody tantrums you’d returned to. But he pulls away suddenly, like he’s realized he’s still mad at you.
“No, not like this. We can’t keep going on like this. If you want this, you’re going to have to be my girlfriend.” he says, and you look back at him with an amused expression.
“Sure, I’ll be your girlfriend.” you say like you’re humoring him. But you mean it.
He looks at you and his eyes widen but you see his dimples appear in his cheeks “You’ll be my girlfriend?”
You nod with a patient smile “I’ll be your girlfriend. Now, do you wanna see your present or not?”
Jaehyun is mad at himself because he can’t control the way his heart is soaring in his chest or the way his smile is growing on his face. He’s mad at you. He should be mad at you for what you’ve done. But you’ve told him that you love him and that you’d be his girlfriend and it is as if the last month of misery is disappearing. He should want his indemnity. He’s almost fighting with his instinct for it. He hates his body for betraying him and soon, the happiness his body feels is taking over his mind and his need for vengeance is fading, leaving only giddy happiness behind. And you mentioning his present has his cock stirring once again and he realizes he is with you in a storage room all alone and all his fantasies are coming true.
So he takes your face in his palms and you grin like you know you’ve won and grip his shirt and kiss him deep. He holds you in his arms and kisses you with passion because aside from the joy he feels from all the rollercoaster of developments of the past few minutes, he is happy his cock is working again. Because your palm is rolling over it so deliciously it almost makes him want to bend you over and take you right there. Almost, but not quite because he’s pulling away because his right mind is still protecting his fucking pride.
“No, Y/N. We can’t keep doing this. If you’re going to be my girlfriend, we have to stop hiding away. We can’t be sneaking away in closets and security rooms anymore.” he begins and you look at him, wiping the lipgloss he smudged from the corner of your mouth.
“Okay?” you say but he’s not done.
“No, I’m serious! You’re gonna have to be my girlfriend in the proper way. You’ll have to go on dates with me and meet all my friends.”
You can’t help the amused smile that breaks across your face when you say
“You’ll have to meet my family and give me your number and reply to all the messages I send you. You’ll have to tell me when you go out of the city and I’ll tell you when I have to go out of the city. You have to let me romance the fuck out of you.” he continues.
“In that order?” you cock an eyebrow, musing over all his demands.
“And no more of this sneaking around. You have to come over to my place and I have to come over to yours when we want sex. We can’t just fuck like this anymore. We can’t hide and fuck and then walk out like we don’t even know each other.”
“Okay…” you say and you get closer to him and begin kissing his neck, but it seems like he’s still not done.
“No, Y/N, are you even listening? We can’t do it here. Not now. Not anymore. I’m going to take you home and make you dinner and--”
“--the panties are crotchless.”
“--and the panties are crotchless. And…” Jaehyun stops “The panties are crotchless.” he tilts his head back and groans because finally, his cock is standing tall and proud in his pants. Almost as if it heard you before Jaehyun did. “The panties are fucking crotchless.” he grabs your waist and pulls you into him and begins kissing you, his hands on your ass, feeling and groping. You laugh and begin moving your palms up his shirt, feeling his bare skin that you’d missed so much.
“And one more thing…” Jaehyun pulls away again and you let out a long, frustrated groan.
“What is it now, Jaehyun?”
“I love you, too.” he says and it melts your heart.
The two of you stay in that closet so Jaehyun could unwrap his present and make love to you while you tell him that you were ready to fulfill all his demands, and any demands he would ever have of you in the future. That you would be his girlfriend in the proper sense of the word, and give him your number and meet all his friends and family, and never disappear on him ever again, all in that order.
Copyright © 2021 NeoCultureTravesty. All rights reserved.
A/N: If you liked the story, I wrote an extra for my 1k notes event!
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Rare Jennie pics I found
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⌗ . . . domestic moments with jaehyun !
❛ not requested ❜ jung jaehyun × fem!reader, fluff, <1k
❏ waking up next to jaehyun, and he’s already going off with those cheesy pick-up lines in the morning. “every morning’s a good morning if i wake up next to you,” his eyes crinkle at the edges and the dimples make their appearance on either of the corners his mouth.
❏ letting you walk on the safer side of the road while he walks beside you, with your arm linked with his.
❏ having romantic dinner dates. “would you like to dance with me, m’lady,” he asks, smiling from ear to ear as he puts his hand forward, waiting for your response. a soft chuckle escapes your lips because this little gesture of his. “of course,” you said, accepting his offer as you did a little bow, this time making jaehyun chuckle.
❏ having matching lockscreens. there was this one picture that you guys had taken where jaehyun’s seen smiling while you kiss his dimple. so jaehyun has one half of the picture (you) and you have the other half (jaehyun) as your lockscreen.
❏ looking at each other’s pictures as kids. “god, jae! you were so cute back then,” you laughed, looking at the polaroid of a cute little boy playing in the pool. jaehyun’s cheeks were flushed, and a sheepish smile adorned his lips. facing him, you looked at the photo and then back at him, “well, you’re still a tiny precious child,” that statement managing to make jaehyun even more flushed than he already was.
❏ him doing your make-up. “and this is the...” jaehyun pauses for a second, turning the thin pencil-like thing and reading what’s written on it. “— the eyebrow pencil,” you completed his sentence, snickering at this scene. jaehyun tried his best to act all cool about it, “yeah, i totally knew that. i was just checking if YOU knew that,” he blabbered, slowly leaning in closer to you in an attempt to do your eyebrows.
❏ cooking together. the way jung jaehyun can make a task as ordinary as cooking romantic. when he notices that you’re not able to tie your apron, he makes his way towards you, helping you tie it without uttering a word till he’s done. “shall we get to cooking then, love?”
❏ him tying your hair/you drying his hair. “that definitely isn’t it,” you chuckled as you felt his fingers in your hair, trying to tie a high ponytail, but failing miserably. “it doesn’t look that bad!” jaehyun retorted, tying the last knot of the hair-tie. “alright, A++ for efforts then!”
❏ even the shortest text from one puts a smile on the other’s face. be it a small “have a good day!” or a short “ily,” it always has the other smiling.
you: didn’t get to say bye to you today since you left early :((
you: have a great day <333
you: i love you ig 🧍🏻♀️
a small smile makes its way up to jaehyun’s lips, with the dimples showing as jaehyun softly says to himself, “i love you too, my love.”
jung jaehyun never knew what love felt like. but all that changed ever since you came into his life.
© BLUEJAEM, 2021
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warning: smut, guided masturbation, oral, female receiving ; honestly just pure filth i am so sorry
jaehyun has been busy with sticker's released which left you very horny and touch deprived and on top of that, it doesn't help how fucking hot your boyfriend has looked in the past videos either. grabbing your airpods, you decide that this is the perfect time to finally listen to the voice recording jaehyun made specifically for you and nights like these.
'hey baby, you fucking miss me huh,' your boyfriend's deep voice fills your ear and you can almost imagine the smirk that's on his face while he was recording this.
'dont worry baby, i'll help you get through the night, are you touching yourself right now?'
'if not, i want you to slowly bring your fingers down to your pretty little pussy,' fuck, you think to yourself, quickly obliging to your boyfriends words.
'slide your fingers up and down your folds but dont touch your clit yet ok.' you listen.
'does that feel good baby?, i know it does, now close your eyes and imagine im there,' every word rings through your ear, making you needier with every second that passes.
'take your other hand and play with your nipples,' you do so.
'fuck baby, im so hard right now, wish i was there with you,' you wish he was too.
'ok baby, you can play with your clit now... im touching myself now too,' he groans and you cant help but moan along with him
'faster baby, insert a finger in,' you do that too, whining at how your fingers just don't reach the places that jaehyun can.
jaehyun's deep grunts as he masturbates is the only thing you could hear, feeling that rising pit in your stomach as your fingers continued to rub against your clit.
desperately whining, you knew you needed more.
as soon as you were about to insert another finger in, you feel a tongue make its way to your hole, "fuck!" you swore, your eyes shooting open as your boyfriend busies himself in between your legs, finishing what you started.
his fingers making its way through your throbbing hole, curving in a way that hits your g spot, making you see stars.
"fuck, jaehyun right there! dont fucking stop!," you yell, your fingers clutching his hair as you feel your eyes well up with the need to orgasm.
jaehyun responds with a "hmm," lips still attached to your pussy, sending vibrations all over your body, making you moan even louder than you already were.
his fingers started working their way faster around your pussy, thumb around your clit, replacing his mouth that was now littering kisses all over your neck.
you're so caught up with your need to come that you don't even notice the way jaehyun removed one of the airpods off your ear.
"cum for me." he whispers, replacing the audio and that was enough to snap the coil in your stomach. jaehyun coaxes you through your orgasm, still playing with your pussy, until you finally push his hand away.
"i came home to surprise you but i was the one surprised," he says after you calmed down from your high. he was towering over you now, a smirk displayed on his face.
one that you know too well.
"i missed you, please just fuck me,"
"should we take a video so you have a visual next time?"
"i don't give a fuck, just fuck me," you beg, not caring how desperate you sounded right now.
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Friends Don't Make Out When Drunk
Title: Friends Don't Make Out When Drunk
Pairing: Jaehyun x You
Genre: college!au, friends with benefits, friends to lovers, romance, smut, fluff, drama
Warnings: smut, swearing, cheating
Word Count: 8.606
Summary: No strings attached, that was what you have agreed on. But when Jaehyun starts dating another girl, he slowly realizes that he cannot quite distinguish between love and sex.
The first time you and Jaehyun kissed was at a party on a warm summer night when you were both staying on a roof garden, overlooking the entire city as the moon shone down brightly at the terrace while soft music was playing inside your friend’s penthouse.
You had both been drunk and tipsy, and clearly, under normal circumstances, this wouldn’t have happened at all, yet for the rest of the night, you and Jaehyun couldn't be parted from each other anymore, kissing until the majority of the guests had left and the sun started to rise.
“Shit, how’d you make me feel like this?” he said, and you smiled at his flushed cheeks that were barely visible at daybreak.
“Shut up, Jung Jaehyun, it’s only a one time thing,” you answered. “I kissed you because we were drunk.”
“Are you trying to turn me on as I love dirty talk?” he returned, and you only laughed.
You knew each other through mutual friends as he was your friend Ten’s new roommate, yet had never really spoken to the other before. So when all your friends had cancelled that night and you thought you were the only one joining the party, you had let out a quiet “thank god!” when at least Jaehyun’s familiar face had appeared.
How you had found yourself on his lap, wildly kissing throughout the night, you also didn’t know. What you had known was that he was an exceptionally good kisser, and a funny guy on top of that, because before all this kissing had begun, you had much fun together at the party as opposed to your expectations.
Believing it was a one time thing, you had parted ways that night only to find yourself in his arms again one week later at Ten’s party.
From then on, you had not only kissed at his roommate’s party again, but several times more - in bars, at gatherings, even when you were only watching a movie together, always hidden from your friends' eyes as you didn’t want to bother yourselves with their curious questions.
And when one night, you had ended up in his bed, moaning quietly under the blanket with his hand covering your mouth to suffocate your sounds while Ten was sleeping at the other side, you started to befriend the thought that this could be a long term thing.
And you were right.
His bed, Ten’s bed, the dorm’s bathroom, the couch, even a quiet corner in the library as well as bathrooms in restaurants or other people’s houses - Jaehyun’s desire was insatiable, and so was yours.
As your sexual encounters increased, so did the level of your friendship that consisted of funny laughters, sharing secrecies and a mutual understanding you had rarely found with other people in your young life so far.
“The bed is so small.”
“Will you shut up and start fucking me already?”
“It’s 8 in the morning, are you ever satisfied?”
You rolled your eyes as you sat up and climbed on top of an already naked Jaehyun with only your bra on. Straddling him with your thighs on each side of his waist, you occupied the entire width of his bed - something you had always complained about, but somehow, you had constantly managed to get by nonetheless.
“Yes, just like that,” Jaehyun noted, satisfied as he grabbed you by your hips, allowing you to sink down on his entire length with a bit of guidance.
You shook your head with a smile on your lips and placed your hands on top of his chest as you straightened your back. The tips of your fingers trailed along his skin, tickling him feathery when you started moving your hips in circular motions, gyrating them against his.
Jaehyun chuckled lightly when you propped your hands against his chest to get a steady hold and gently rolled your hips with his pelvis as a physical barrier that stimulated you at the same time. He played with the strands of your hair with one hand, his lips slightly agape in a lustful mien.
What had begun as gentle rocking, you now decided to heat up and lifted yourself from his length just to slam back down on him the next moment until he was fully sheathed in your wetness again.
You threw your head back in satisfaction as you felt him hitting your sweet spots over and over again as you repeated the movement, each time a bit stronger than before - raising your hips and sliding back down. Up and down, up and down.
“Fuck, yes!” Jaehyun cursed under his breath, allowing himself to be the lazy one this time and to just receive instead of giving as well.
What still bothered him was your bra though as he witnessed how sweat collected in your cleavage, rolling down your skin and just ending where the fabric began. He just wanted to grab you and play with your boobs, so he sat up mid-motion and kept you still while he pulled the light clothing over your head and tossed it on the ground.
He gave you a quick kiss on your lips and sunk back onto the mattress, feeling the steady rhythm on top of him starting once again. With his hands, Jaehyun wandered to your chest, feeling your breasts fully in his palms, bouncing up and down in front of his vision.
Jaehyun felt you clenching and unclenching around his member, grinding forward and backward to stimulate yourself as well while your hands were caressing his chest down to his waist and back. He felt himself holding in his breathing every time you came down with your hips, taking his last air.
Each time your bodies collided, you let out a moan, and when you fell limply forward on his chest with all the strength having left you because of the effort you’d given, you breathed heavily against him, not able to continue.
“Out of breath yet?” Jaehyun asked, and you nodded, the movements of your hips still present as you were close to your climax. “Well done, sweetheart, then I’m going to release you.”
A kiss on your temple was followed by a long thrust upwards that nearly knocked the air out of your lungs, and you buried your face in the crook of his neck, whimpering quietly against his skin as he pushed in and out of you at a rhythmic pace.
Your nails dug into his abs, your teeth grazing his neck as you came all over him within the next hard thrusts, your body shuddering in his arms.
“Good girl,” Jaehyun praised you and stroked your hair. “Now, it’s my turn.”
With one swift heave, he flipped you over and you hooked your ankles around his waist as he started to mercilessly ram into you. Through your half-lidded eyes, you saw a sun ray being projected to the wall, tiny dust particles dancing in the light as you closed your sight fully and grabbed behind you onto the headboard, the bed creaking loudly under your sweaty bodies.
You felt that he was close to cumming himself and held him tightly in your arms as suddenly, the door swung open.
“Fucking shit!” Jaehyun yelled and quickly pulled the blanket over you two, shielding your identity from his roommate who was casually walking in.
“Please don’t feel disturbed by my presence!” Ten sang and opened the door to his closet. “I’m only here to grab some clothes, then I’ll be gone again. And I would recommend you to get dressed a.s.a.p. as well, Yunnie, because classes are about to start in 20 minutes. But you’ll be done by then, I guess. Twice even.” He laughed.
“Shut up and leave, Ten!”
“Yeah, alright! As long as you don’t do it in my bed, just go ahead.”
“Well for that…”
“Please, I don’t want to know! Just use your own bed from now on!”
“Bye Yunnie, bye y/n!”
You froze, and by the way Jaehyun’s body stiffened, he was just as shocked as you. Grabbing onto the blanket, you slowly dragged the concealing fabric out of your face and looked into the face of a brightly grinning Ten.
“Come on, don’t look so shocked!” he exclaimed. “I know! Everyone knows! We’ve known for so long, and we were always amused about the fact how you two clumsily tried to hide it. Enough with this hide and seek thing already, you wanna make it official yet?”
“There is nothing to make official,” you said ruefully. “Just pretend you don’t notice when you see us.”
“Ugh, you’re such a handful!”
Then, Ten walked out of the room and closed the door behind him. As you were left alone again, you exhaled deeply.
“So, where were we?” you seductively whispered into Jaehyun’s ear, but apparently, Ten’s appearance had ruined his mood.
“Ten’s right,” Jaehyun said and sat up. “I lost track of time, I have to get dressed now if I want to make it to class on time.”
“Okay, I understand.” You reached to the floor and grabbed your underwear while Jaehyun slowly got himself dressed as well. “Since it’s friday, we’re gonna see each other tonight at the club, right?”
“Sure.” He nodded. “But I’ll join a bit later.”
“Huh, why?” you asked. “Pre drinking without you is always so boring!”
Jaehyun laughed, but shook his head. “Admittedly, I asked a girl out, so we’re going on a date this evening.”
“Really?” you questioned, pulling up your panties. “Who is it? I have to examine her first to give you the permission to date her! Didn’t we agree on that? Even when I wanted to go out with Doyoung, you said no because he’s not able to hold his drink. And when Taeyong asked me out, you also said no because he’s ranked lower in class than you!”
“Yes, we agreed on going out with people who are like us - and they were not on your level. How can I know you’re in good hands if the guy you’re dating is not at least as good as me?”
“Personality-wise or in bed?”
“Well, bed-wise, you cannot tell anyway, right?”
“What I can tell you, y/n,” he explained while buttoning up his shirt, “is that they were not the right ones for you. Their pick up lines were way worse than mine, that’s not a standard.”
You whined, “Then who is right for me?”
“I’ll find him for you. Promise.”
“And the girl you’re going on a date with tonight?” you inquired again. “How can I make sure that she’s the right one for you if you won't introduce me to her?”
“Oh, she is - trust me!”
“Jung Jaehyun, you idiot, this is not what we have agreed on!”
“We’re going to your favorite ice cream parlor.” He winked. “Doesn’t it say a lot about her already?”
And with these words, he was gone, leaving you behind flabbergasted.
“You’ve been pouting ever since I went on that date, what’s up?”
You crossed your arms in front of your chest and stared at Jaehyun with an angry gaze.
He had come to the club two hours later than you agreed on. Even though light-hearted music was playing and your friends were all having fun dancing and drinking, you had been standing in the corner all this time, your eyes on your watch to count down the minutes to Jaehyun’s appearance.
And when he had finally decided to pop up, you were ignoring him, dancing with your friends and fleeing whenever he tried getting close to you. It had taken Jaehyun one more hour to finally pin you down and confront you. You hadn’t stood a chance anyway as he had caught you right after you came out of the toilet.
Pouting was far from the truth now. You were utterly pissed at him. How could he have taken some run-of-the-mine girl to your favorite ice cream parlor? To your insider’s tip, to the place no one knew about other than you and Jaehyun!
The betrayal felt real as you witnessed him tilting up his lips to an amused grin that he directly shot at you.
“Shut up, Jaehyun, that was my favorite place, and now I have to look for another one because your girlie is sure going to drag all her friends there!”
“Come on pouty, what are you getting so worked up for?”
“It was a secret place!” you defended your feelings. “And you’re bringing a girl after another there, go look for your own recommendations!”
Jaehyun laughed. “How can you get so worked up over a simple ice cream place? Besides, it was only one girl so far.”
“It was my place!” you screamed at him, luckily the music drowning the volume. “It was our place, and you ruined everything, Jaehyun!”
“Sweetheart… Are you that drunk already?”
He wrapped his arms around you, and you tried to escape from his grip, but you were enjoying his warmth and comfort way too much to actually really fight him, so you settled after winding a few times, your back resting against his chest.
Jaehyun wiped the strands of your hair away from your shoulder and kissed your neck, goosebumps immediately zapping through your body. Why did he always have such an effect on you anyway? You still wanted to fight him, but that was a fight you had lost a long time ago.
“Don’t sweetheart me, I’m not your girlie!”
“Oh really?” he whispered into your ear as his hands trailed down to your hips. “This morning, you proved me otherwise.”
With these words, he turned you around and pushed you against the wall, his hands roaming up and down your body while his lips simultaneously melted into yours. Screw that other girl. At this moment, Jaehyun was yours, and even a simple date couldn’t take that from you now.
You didn’t know how you had made it to the bathroom, but a moment later, you found yourself leaning against the cold wall of the toilet stall, the door behind Jaehyun locked. He was busy unbuttoning your blouse while in the background, the sound of muffled music mixed with the talking of the other people in the room, but you both didn’t care.
Jaehyun almost ripped your clothes apart, his hands desperately seeking to get rid of your clothing. He didn’t even trouble himself with unclasping your bra. Instead, he pulled the straps down and grabbed your breasts tightly while you threw your head back and closed your eyes.
He quickly pulled your skirt up and your panties aside, pushing two fingers inside into your core, then moving them in and out of you.
You let out a moan, and demanded lustfully, “More!”
You held onto his head while he fell to his knees and licked passionately between your folds before pulling his fingers out to work only with his tongue. He did it in relief with his warm and wet tongue as though he was a child tasting ice cream, and you couldn’t help but to moan Jaehyun’s name in ecstasy.
To hell with those people who were in the same room and eavesdropped you. At this point, you wouldn’t even mind if it was your own mother barging in and hearing you two.
You trembled and felt how your legs became weak. Filled with waves of pleasure that were rolling up your spine now, the satisfaction you got from his oral stimulation made you even wetter.
Instinctively, you brought your hips against his mouth, moving them up to meet his lips when you felt that he was teasing you. With your climax approaching, you wanted to finally release yourself, but you also knew that this wasn’t on the agenda now as Jaehyun was only playing with you.
“Faster, Jaehyun, please,” you urged.
Jaehyun only grinned evilly and let you go, licking over his lips sinfully. “No.”
You whimpered in disappointment, bringing your hand down to finish yourself off, but Jaehyun grabbed your wrists and pinned your arms against the wall.
“I said no.”
That devilish little fuck. You moaned in despair, rubbing your hips against each other to give yourself a pleasant feeling, but of course this didn’t work as well. You needed Jaehyun inside you as fast as possible.
“Jaehyun!” you pleaded, fluttering your lashes.
Jaehyun stood there, eyeing you while he opened his zippers. You were quite an eye candy for him. He couldn't remember the last time a woman had begged so hopelessly for him aside from the last time that he had teased you so badly, you didn’t talk to him for two days.
You went crazy in search of relief and you begging him was like music to his ears. They way you stood there, desperate for him with your chest nearly bare and your sex exposed to him, rubbing your thighs to give yourself the pleasure you were denied… Your red, smudged lips slightly open and moans leaving them… Jaehyun would be lying if he said he didn't like the view. He loved it.
He pressed you against the wall, his pants falling down as he spread your legs with his own. His cock was pressing against your hip, his hands under your bum before he firmly grabbed you by your thighs and lifted you up.
He let you slowly sink down on his hardened member, and a shocked gasp escaped your mouth, your fingers scratching and digging into the back of his neck.
“Jaehyun!” you screamed. “That’s too—“
“Shh. It works.” Jaehyun held you tightly with his strong arms, supporting your body on the wall.
He had a good view of your breasts and could do whatever he pleased with them. Thus, he began moving his tongue around your nipple in circles, leaving a hot trail of saliva all around your peaks.
You whimpered in pleasure and wanted to wrap your legs around his waist, but this position only allowed you to dangle them in the air. After moments of staying like that, his lips working on your cleavage and you on the verge of going crazy, Jaehyun began to move.
His length slipped in and out of you fast with you bouncing up and down on him. Every time his tip hit your brim, you let out a scream and your arms hugged him even tighter as though you were scared to suddenly fall. However, Jaehyun was strong enough to fuck and hold you at the same time.
With the wall behind you as support, you were constantly pushed against it whenever he shoved back into you. Under other circumstances, you would have complained, but now it only added to the hotness of this situation.
You both reached a moment in which Jaehyun couldn't concentrate on anything else besides his need to release himself anymore, so he moved faster and harder. Your screams got louder, your scratches deeper, and it all added pain to his pleasure.
He continued thrusting in and out of you at a quick pace, his hands lifting you up and letting you fall down on him over and over again. At this point, not only you two made noises, but also the stall wall giving in behind you and the loud bump whenever your bodies crashed on each other.
You were sure he was close when his breathing became more like ragged gasps, and you were as well. A few thrusts later, your walls tightened around him and your legs pressed together around his waist, your orgasm taking control of your body as it started from your toes and spread all over your upper body within seconds.
You threw her head back and hit the wall again, barely noticing the pain when the pleasure almost ripped you apart. You held onto Jaehyun’s body like your life depended on it, feeling like you would pass out at any moment.
Never in your life had you ever cum so hard, even though sex with Jaehyun was always top notch. If it was thanks to Jaehyun’s precise skills or the alcohol, you had no idea. You just knew that the best sex you had ever had in your life was in a toilet stall, in a place you weren’t familiar with, and that you were drunk, and you liked it.
When your walls tightened more around Jaehyun, something he hadn't deemed possible since you were already so tight, he came as well while holding you with one hand and supporting the both of you with his other pressed against the tiles.
“No, I can’t hang out with you, I’m on a date and you know.”
That fucker hung up on you!
“Grab your jacket, Tennie, we’re going on a mission.” You jumped out of your seat and met Ten’s annoyed gaze.
“Please, leave me out of this.”
“He’s taking that girlie to my favorite ice cream parlor again!”
“And what’s actually so wrong about that?” Ten asked back. “You don’t own that place, he can take whoever he wants.”
You rolled your eyes at him. “You don’t understand this, Ten!”
“I think I understand more than you,” he explained patiently. “You just called him to hang out even though you knew he was on a date, because you wanted to call dibs on him. And now that he confirmed it to you, you want to ruin his date. All because of a stupid ice cream parlor? Come on, y/n, even you are not that dense!”
“I am not in love with Jung Jaehyun, I told you many times already!” you repeated. “I just find it unfair that he’s showing some girlie my favorite places, because he’s so lazy to come up with his own ones!”
Ten groaned. “Your reasoning doesn’t even make sense. Many people go there. And you don’t hold any fond childhood memories or anything like that about that place as you only stumbled over it by accident a few months ago.”
“It’s dear to me, because it’s my place!”
“Do you even listen to yourself? I’m not a huge fan of this friends with benefits thing, y/n, because of exactly these reasons. How can people fuck around without developing feelings for each other? I can’t comprehend this. For me, it’s clear, one is always doomed to fall, and this time, unfortunately, it’s you, y/n.”
“I am not in love with Jung Jaehyun! We’re just friends.”
“Friends don’t make out when drunk,” Ten reminded you. “And the problem is that you’re not even only doing it when drunk.”
“Keep blabbering, I’ll go alone!”
The door shut closed behind you as you made your way to the ice cream parlor all by yourself instead.
When Jaehyun and you had agreed on this no strings attached thing, you were in a bad place in life. After your long term boyfriend had broken up with you, you were scared to never meet someone you clicked so well with ever again, yet you also didn’t want to get your heart broken so badly anymore.
So Jaehyun was the right person coming into your life at the right time as he embodied everything you were looking for in a man. And since you weren’t together, he also couldn’t break your heart.
You were just so afraid of losing him to someone else. Of losing someone so dear to you again. Even though you weren’t together, it wouldn’t hurt less, you sensed it.
When you reached the ice cream parlor, you had run out of breath. Since it was a warm summer day, the place was crowded, so you didn’t spot Jaehyun at first. But the moment you did, your heart immediately sank.
He was waiting in line to get ice cream with his back turned at you, and you didn’t know which girl belonged to him since there were a few female groups standing close to him, but you didn’t need to exactly see who his date was to know that what you were doing was wrong.
“I hate you, Jung Jaehyun!” you muttered to yourself.
To hell with him and his date. You hated him. You didn’t want anything to do with him anymore. He was now dust to you. Screw them!
But then... why were tears burning behind your eyes?
“HEY!” someone shouted and a sudden blow along with a painful hit suddenly dragged you to the hard ground. “You blind snake, don’t you have eyes?!” The bicycle came to a halt right in front of you and a young man stared at you with a furious gaze before he drove off again. “Stupid kids!”
You wanted to get back on your feet, but a sudden pain shot through your leg, and when you looked down at you, you were bleeding from your right knee.
“Asshole!” a male voice then shouted next to you. “Can’t you even help the people you nearly ran over?!”
When you raised your head, Jaehyun stood beside you and reached out his hand to help you up. Reluctantly, you accepted his offer and got back on your trembling feet. With much care, your friend pulled out a tissue, got on his knees and pressed it against your wound.
All this time, Jaehyun didn’t say a word, and it hurt you even more. The funny thing was that you didn’t even know why it hurt so much. Whether it came from your wound or from your heart. Hesitantly, you tended to the latter.
“Does it hurt so much?” Jaehyun then asked softly as he arose. “It’s a road burn, so it sure must sting.”
It was then that you realized that you had actually started crying. Luckily, Jaehyun blamed the wound for your reaction.
With one swift motion, he had you in a piggy pack, and you got embarrassed getting lifted like a child in front of so many people.
“Jaehyun, let me down!” you protested, but the back of his head turned to the left and right in a shaking motion. “I’m not a little child!”
“No way. Hold on tight, we’re going back to the dorms.”
“What are you doing! You have to go back to your date!”
Your body moved up and down with every step he took, but no matter how loud you protested, he held you safely in his arms while walking back to the campus.
“It can wait,” was his final response.
Even now, he was putting you first, and you realized that if you were the girl he was madly in love with, you wouldn’t want someone else to always meddle. If you were the girl he was in love with, you wanted him entirely for yourself. And if someone like you existed, that would never be the case.
It was then that you realized that not the girl was the problem, but you. You and your selfishness.
“I’m so sorry,” you apologized while more tears streamed down your face.
And it meant so much more than sorry for having interrupted the date. If you wanted him to be happily in a relationship, you had to let go. So your sorry also stood for having to part ways.
“It’s alright, y/n.”
And somehow, Jaehyun felt it coming.
“How come I always end up calling you when I cannot fall asleep?”
“Because my voice is so soporific?” Jaehyun yawned into your cell phone as you turned to your side and pulled the blanket over you. “What’s up that late in the night, y/n?”
“You remember that one time we went to the zoo and you were chased by a goat?”
He chuckled through the phone, and it sounded so soothing to you that you could listen to him giggle all night long. “Why are you coming up with this now?!”
“I just watched a documentary about goats.”
He laughed again. “You’re crazy. How’s your wound, y/n?”
“Much better, but it’s already been a few days, so that’s usual.”
“When will we see each other again?” you asked.
You inhaled deeply. Staring at your dark ceiling, you already sensed his answer.
Throughout the past few days, you had had enough time to emotionally detach yourself from Jaehyun. But even though you thought you had succeeded in doing so, hearing his voice brought back all the feelings you had tried to hide so hard from yourself and from others.
Because you had realized that you were very much in love with Jung Jaehyun.
And that probably made it so much easier to listen to the following words he uttered that had been due quite a time ago.
“I think we shouldn’t see each other anymore.”
Speaking these words out made real what had been in your mind for days. But you knew you two had to do this. Not only to protect his growing relationship, but your feelings as well. Even though he was oblivious to the last.
There were many guys out there who were just as good as Jung Jaehyun. You just had to look for the perfect one again. Perhaps, one you could absolutely not fall in love with to prevent you from experiencing another heartbreak.
That was why you didn’t fight. You didn’t even object. All you whispered back was the simple word, “Okay.”
“But that doesn’t mean we cannot still be friends.”
With tears welling up behind your eyes, you explained hastily as you feared you’d lose courage, “Friends don’t make out when drunk. Friends don’t casually fuck each other. We don’t work without these things, Jaehyun. That’s why you’re no longer my friend.”
“Y/n.” Jaehyun inhaled audibly. “What does that mean?”
“I…” Your breath caught and you were shivering all over. But you weren’t able to bring these words over your lips. In the end, they didn’t matter anyway. “I wish you all the best with your girlfriend.”
This time, you hung up on him, and when the line went silent, you cried yourself to sleep as your heart hurt so much, you thought it would shatter all over again. But this time, in a thousand pieces more.
Breaking up with someone you were together with was difficult already. But breaking up with someone you weren’t even with in the first place, was much worse.
Jaehyun didn’t call you back.
Two weeks later, Jaehyun introduced his new girlfriend to the friend group when you had a small sit-in in the guys’ dorm.
For everyone, except probably for you, it came as a surprise as they had all thought that your little deal was still going on. But ever since that call, you hadn’t talked to Jaehyun, and neither had he tried to reach out to you.
Perhaps, it was because he had realized as well what kind of bullshit you were trying to keep up with this friendship pretence. Perhaps, he had also genuinely fallen in love with this girl who was nothing but kindness and sweetness in person.
Whatever it was, it helped you pick up the shattered pieces of your heart one by one. One day, you’d get where you were before you had met Jaehyun, you were sure about that.
Until he suddenly stood in front of you. And all your feelings came crashing down on you at once.
“Hey.” You smiled shyly, your hand propping against the kitchen counter for support. “Your girlfriend is nice.”
“Yeah.” He smiled back and closed the door behind him. “She’s lovely.”
Silence enveloped the both of you. Before, you had talked nonstop all day long. Today, there was only awkwardness and embarrassment left.
“I heard you were going out with Johnny.”
You shrugged. “Only twice so far.”
“Mhhmm… I see.” Pause. “I was very hurt, you know.”
You raised our brows. “Why?”
“Because you just cancelled our friendship,” he reasoned.
“Jaehyun… we cannot have a friendship without getting physical. You know this.”
“I know!” he protested. “I realized as well, that was why I haven’t called you back. Why I haven’t tried to reach out to you again. I thought that entering a relationship would end all this.” He scoffed, nearly sounding desperate. “I thought I could have both. Love and sex. But these two just don’t go hand in hand for me, it seems.”
“What do you mean?”
“I cannot have sex with my girlfriend. I just… can’t. It’s not fun when it works. But most of the time, I’m not even getting it up.”
You shrugged. “So? What has that got to do with me? Why are you telling me this?”
“Because you were the last one I’ve slept with. What changed? Why can’t I do it anymore when we were doing it all the time together?”
You felt your heart pounding hard against your chest and fluttering at the same time when you replied boldly, “Perhaps, you just don’t desire her.”
Jaehyun stepped closer to you while you retreated, but there was no way to escape his intense stare as your hips hit the kitchen counter a moment later. “Why is it then that I feel so much desire towards you?”
Seeing the confusion in his eyes, you watched him in the same intensive manner. Breathing in deeply, you were only able to stutter, “Jae… Jaehyun, I-”
“One last time.”
… Before his lips landed on yours - and you didn’t even withdraw.
You were pushed against the counter while Jaehyun removed your top simultaneously, attacking your cleavage and every bit of your bare skin with hungry kisses. His lips opened and he sucked at your neck, his tongue licking over your tender skin and causing you goosebumps.
It had merely been weeks, but you only realized now how much you missed and longed for him.
Jaehyun reached the top of your bra with his lips and and captured your breasts with his mouth and hands after he had pulled the fabric down, building up your lust by carressing them.
You threw your head back as you let him pleasure you as he pleased with your hands entangled in his hair, pulling him close as you felt his tongue swirling over your peaks. You didn’t care about your friends, his girlfriend or the unlocked kitchen door at that moment.
With his other hand, Jaehyun dragged your skirt aside, then pulled your panties down and grabbed you by your hips to seat you on the counter.
He smirked as he let you unbutton his jeans that fell down and then draped around his shins, grinning at you widely and watching you hooking your fingers in his boxers in a hurry. When you had finally freed his member from the tight fabric, his length sprung free while you simultaneously parted your legs for him.
With your lips finding each other again and your arms around his neck while his were holding you by your waist, Jaehyun pushed you against him with his hard cock nudging against your thighs. When he had found the right angle, he pressed into you deliberately and also a bit hurriedly.
You had your head on his shoulder when you felt him ramming into you, and admittedly, the counter wasn’t the softest place to have sex on as you got sloppily pushed back and forth whenever he moved in and out of you, but it didn’t take you long to throw these thoughts aside as soon after, pleasure took over.
It had been so long since you had last been with Jaehyun, and only now it dawned on you how much you had not only missed his kisses and touched, but also his entire presence.
His laugh, his warmth, his humor, his wittiness, his kind heart, his… entire self, his whole character.
Because Jaehyun had grown to be more than a friend with benefits for you. He had grown to be the man you loved and wanted to spend your life with.
But he wasn’t supposed to be with you.
Yet, you were trying to get rid of these thoughts, your nails digging into the nape of his neck while you had your eyes clenched shut, the surface under you getting wet with all your juices while you were holding onto Jaehyun who had his arms propped against the edge to increase his pace.
Your thighs cramped, and you pressed them against his waist as you leaned back closer to the counter, Jaehyun following your angle with his lips against your cleavage. Only his groans were audible as you tried to meet his rhythm, but didn’t succeed in doing so except for a few grinding motions, hence you were only able to wiggle around, desperately wanting to meet him halfway.
Thrusting forward at last, your hips met faster, slapping against each other with an increased speed than before. You whimpered, and Jaehyun knew you well enough that this was a sign that you’d cum soon.
Anticipating the edge of climax, you panted his name in need. "Jaehyun... Jaehyun... Jaehyun."
It was music to his ears, so he raised his chest and enjoyed the sounds you made. Hearing his name falling from between your lips was enough to drive him over the edge.
He pushed forward into you until both of you were crying out in release and came all over each other.
“Glad to see that you had fun.”
With sweaty foreheads and eyes wide in shock, you turned aside without even having the chance to come down from your highs, and found Jaehyun’s girlfriend standing at the kitchen door, your friends right behind her, curiously looking into the room.
Jaehyun didn’t even spare you another look before he pulled up his boxers as well as jeans and hurriedly followed his girlfriend out of the dorm.
Suddenly, you didn’t feel excited, in love and high anymore. Instead, you felt worthless, ashamed and disgusted.
“I’m never eating in this kitchen again.”
Even Ten’s comment couldn’t put a smile on your face at that moment. You shamefully dressed yourself again, and he sent everyone away to stay behind with you.
“Please…” You shook your head. “I don’t need a lecture right now. I know. I know that I was wrong, that we were both wrong, and I regret it deeply. It will never happen again.”
“Good. You’re right,” Ten commented. “Have you at least realized now that you’re in love with him?”
With your arms crossed in front of your chest, you nodded nearly invisibly. But Ten had been friends with you long enough to know.
“I know that you’re afraid of getting hurt again. But this… This is no solution to your problem. It’s probably even worse. Jaehyun is not hurting you. You, yourself, are.”
It was then that you realized that tears streamed down your face. “I’m breaking my own heart,” you were only able to utter.
“There is only one way to end this, y/n. And you know what it is.”
You blocked Jaehyun on all your social media, including his number.
You didn’t want to get tempted to see what was going on in his life, nor get tempted to contact him on any platform. You didn’t want to be his fuck buddy to make sure he’d get it up again and help him pleasure his girlfriend.
Perhaps, you had lost sight of it along the way, but you were a human with feelings as well, and sometimes, you had to put them first above all.
When Jaehyun announced to attend a gathering, you stayed at home. When he spontaneously showed up, you left the party right away. When you saw him randomly on campus, you hid yourself until he was gone. When he was at the same club, you’d leave immediately.
Life was hard without Jaehyun for you as you started thinking that perhaps, you hadn’t meant much to him after all. You had blocked him everywhere, yet you were still hoping for him to contact you using another way.
But he never did.
He never contacted you through your friends, nor did he ever show up at your dorm. And that made you incredibly angry as you called yourself out on having double standards. You wanted him to stay away, yet fight for you at the same time.
Aside from being angry, your life also turned sad. You went to the ice cream parlor alone. You didn’t have much fun at the mall or your life overall anymore. And when you felt down, there was no one you could turn to.
Life without Jaehyun was dull.
“Yes, right there.”
You bobbed up and down on Johnny, your skin slapping against each other making clapping-noises, and you closed your eyes.
You were trying so hard. Really, really hard. And it was not the first time that you were sleeping with each other, but just like the times before you felt… absolutely nothing. You were not able to enjoy it, no matter which position, which circumstances…
Johnny grabbed you by your bottocks and flipped you over so that you were lying underneath him.
This was actually one of your favorite positions, because it was so intimate, so you hoped that perhaps this time, you’d be able to enjoy it.
But even with Johnny’s soft gaze on your eyes and his tender touches on your skin, you felt… nothing.
Except for the hot tears on your cheeks.
Yet, Johnny didn’t notice them as you shifted your head aside and let him continue sinking in and out of you.
With your eyes closed, you observed that it wasn’t that bad. With your eyes closed, it was endurable since you hadn’t Johnny’s face right in front of your vision. Nobody could stop you from blending Johnny entirely out, and nobody noticed - so you just did.
Instead of Johnny, it was now Jaehyun who penetrated you. And although there was a significant difference in their technique and individual scents as well as manners, it was enough to get you through this without crying anymore.
In your imagination, it was Jaehyun who now turned your face to face him and pressed a kiss on your lips. It was also Jaehyun who brought you to hook your thighs around his waist, sat up and slapped you ass.
It was also Jaehyun who you held on to like a lifeline as you only concentrated on the pleasant feeling coiling up inside your groin, but no matter how hard you got stimulated, you were never truly able to reach the point of climax.
Because it just wasn’t Jaehyun.
Even when he only existed in your imagination, it just wasn’t enough. Was this what Jaehyun had meant about not being able to have sex with someone else? Was this a pattern to continue on for the rest of your life?
You didn’t want to live like this. To be so attached to Jaehyun and let him determine your life when he wasn’t even in your life anymore.
“What’s wrong?” Johnny suddenly stopped his motions, withdrew from you and sat up.
You were only able to shake your head as you dragged the blanket over your naked body and shifted to the side, burying your face in the fabric.
“It’s not you,” you sobbed. “It’s me. I can’t do this. I’m sorry.”
“Is it because of Jaehyun?”
You didn’t dare to look him in the eyes. “Why would you want to know?”
“Because I heard you muttering his name more than once. When I first thought it was actually mine, it suddenly became clear to me.”
You froze, still avoiding direct face to face confrontation as you didn’t miss his bitter undertone. “Oh…”
You were tired of talking back to him. If this was the truth, so be it, and there was nothing you could change about it. You only felt sorry for Johnny.
You willingly did.
When you joined the party, it was already late at night as you had been occupied with your studies.
“Here, I already got you a drink ready!” Ten said upon your arrival as he thrusted a glass into your hand. “Your favorite.”
“Great, thanks!” you laughed and already nipped on it. “So, did I miss something?”
But he shook his head. “Nothing much. Some people are playing spin the bottle the rated version in the living room, but it’s way too boring for me, so I only waited for you.”
“Uh-huuu. Let’s search for the others.”
Suddenly, you both turned around as a huge ruckus made noises that even drowned out the loud music that was being played in the background.
You heard it crash from somewhere and flinched at the noise.
The shouting noises came from the kitchen, but when you looked at Ten, he only shrugged in the same clueless manner as you.
Some people were already rushing to the kitchen where the continuous screaming came from and you both followed them only to find Jaehyun having grabbed Johnny by the collar and looking at him threateningly.
“You fucked my girl, you asshole!”
Johnny looked like he had been pushed a few times already, defeated. “I didn’t fuck your ex girlfriend, are you nuts?” Johnny defended himself.
“I didn’t mean her!” Jaehyun shouted back at him. “I meant y/n!”
The next moment, all eyes were on you, and yours were on Jaehyun.
Only when Johnny’s gaze followed the others’ right to you, Jaehyun did the same until his eyes widened at the surprise that you stood there, in the middle of the crowd, not understanding the world anymore.
“Jaehyun, you ass, let him go!” you shouted at him. “I hate you!”
If you had stayed, you would have seen his soul mirrored in his eyes that broke into a thousand pieces at your hurtful words.
But you only turned around and ran out of the house.
There was something comforting about flannel pajamas, so when you dressed yourself in yours only an hour later after the happenings at the party, you felt even more comfortable than in the shower shortly before.
Rubbing your towel over your head, you dried your hair and stood yourself in front of your mirror, questioning the face that looked right back at you. A face so red whenever it remembered the words,
He had decided against you, yet he still had the nerve to mark you as his.
Just who did Jung Jaehyun think he was? And why did your heart bump so fast whenever you recalled this scene in your mind?
You flinched at the sudden, hard knock on your door. The voice behind it, you had recognized it by the first syllable as you had only heard it merely an hour before.
“Go away!” you shouted back at Jaehyun and approached the entrance.
Unfortunately, your roommate wasn’t with you this weekend to chase out the intruder herself.
“Y/n, please open the door!” Another knock followed.
With the towel still over your head, you just meekly asked, “What do you want here?”
Pause. “I want you to stop seeing Johnny.”
You snorted and shook your head. “Why? What has that got anything to do with you?”
“A lot, actually.”
“I’m willing to listen.”
Another pause followed, and you wondered whether he had already decided against speaking to you and vanished, but then Jaehyun raised his voice again.
“When we had agreed on our little deal, you didn’t want to get your heart broken by a man again. I wholeheartedly wanted to fall in love with someone, but you didn’t. So our deal had an expiration date from the beginning. When I started dating my ex, I thought we could only be friends. But as you said, friendship doesn’t work for us without sex, and it was so unfair towards the girl. I was also so afraid of breaking your heart like your ex did.”
You bit your lip as your heart started racing. “Why would you think that?” you wanted to know through the closed door.
“Because I don’t know how to do relationships. I’ve never been in one. I only know how to fuck and to fuck up. So, when I realized your feelings grew as well as mine...”
You breathed in deeply. “So…?”
“I had to get away from you in order to not break your heart, no matter how hard it was, and no matter how much I fought against this solution. I thought having another girl would help me move forward and keep you away at the same time. Yet, I didn’t want to lose your friendship. That was so selfish of me. So when you suggested we’d stop seeing each other… I agreed and went along with it. But it resulted in the opposite. I couldn’t stop thinking about you at any second. You’ve been on my mind at all times.”
Stepping close to the door as his voice lowered, your palm touched the surface of the wood. You imagined the door as invisible and him standing right in front of you.
But you weren’t just ready yet. Even though his words were endearing, they weren’t exactly quite what you wanted to hear just yet.
Jaehyun continued, “As time passed, I thought it’d stop. But it worsened. So when I heard today that you were with Johnny, I just couldn’t suppress my feelings anymore.”
Feeling hotness rising to your ears, you dug deeper, “What feelings exactly?”
“I couldn’t have sex with my ex girlfriend. And also not with anyone else after that with whom I tried. You’re the only one I can have sex with. That I want to have sex with. I thought love and sex don’t go hand in hand for me, but I was wrong. They belong together for me.”
“Jaehyun that sounds like…” You gulped.
“Please,” he interrupted you. “Let me say it first. It took me long enough to realize and then finally accept, but now I know why it’s like that. It’s because I love you. Apparently, I cannot do it without being in love like I’ve always thought anymore. I can only do it when I’m madly in love.”
For a moment, time stopped for you.
“And I love you, y/n.”
“Do you... mean it?”
“I mean it when I say that I never want to hurt you again from now on. When I do though, I swear to heaven that I will try to make amends, no matter how long it’ll take me to have you trust me again. But I don’t want to think that far into the future yet when we’re only at the beginning. I just want you to be mine from now on as you’re the only one for me.”
“Nobody will ever be good for you. Because none of them is me. I am the right one for you.”
“How are you so sure that I’d say yes?”
“Because I swear that you have the same problem of not being able to sleep with other people as me.”
You rolled your eyes, but still opened the door. There he stood, right in front of you the next moment, his worried mien getting replaced by a bright smile.
“A very smug thing for you to say, Jung Jaehyun.”
He approached you and grabbed the towel draped on your head. With both hands, he dragged on the edges, pulling you close to him.
“But I love you anyway.”
The kiss he placed on your lips tasted full of love.
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