#james bucky barnes x reader
Peanut Butter Passion
Pairing: Bucky x Reader
Word Count: 1,419
Warnings: language, oral (male receiving), dirty talk, lots of heavy petting, hinted at food play, Bucky is a bad roommate and friend, poor Sam
A/N: Based off of THIS Reddit post and a conversation on the Smut Hub Discord. I should be sorry for writing this... I should be. Not beta'd all mistakes are my own.
The two of you were never going to live this down.
The day started like any other, very normal and very soft. After a night of sweat, moaning and a creaking bed frame, you were pulled awake to soft kisses against your shoulder and Bucky nuzzling against your ear. It was soft and it was sweet as hell making the butterflies flutter in your belly. “Wakey, wakey sleeping beauty,” he rumbled against your ear.
Smiling into the pillow you rolled over, arms circling him and pulling Bucky close before giving a few lazy smooches, a whimper of contentment leaving when he pulled back. “Gonna go get coffee started.”
“Kay,” you replied sleepily, rolling back over and cuddling against the pillows.
Today was going to be like any other, that is until your horrible secret was exposed.
Truthfully you should have known better.
You and Bucky liked to live a little on the wild side of things, that was true. Enough that Sam had pointedly shown off the noise-canceling headphones he’d bought after two months of the both of you dating. The not-so-subtle hint enough that you had trouble meeting Sam's eyes for weeks after. There was no way you were going to live the embarrassment down, that is until today.
Bucky had fished the pajama pants off the floor before reluctantly leaving you still curled up in bed. Leaving the bathroom Bucky walked into the kitchen seeing Sam at the counter with his usual breakfast and a steaming hot cup of coffee.
"Morning," Bucky gruffed.
"Morning," Sam replied as chipper as ever, taking a bite of his toast. His eyes drifted to see you walking out of Bucky's room stifling a yawn, wearing a pair of boxers and the shirt Bucky had been wearing last night, "Morning Y/N."
"Morning Sammy," you greeted with a smile. Bucky offered you a mug and you shyly took it from his hands, leaning up to give him a soft kiss on the cheek. “Anything big planned for today Sam?”
"Nah, gonna take it easy today. Oh, and before I forget," Sam mumbled around a mouthful of peanut butter toast. "I know we have rules and all but I was out of peanut butter this morning and I used some of yours."
You choked on your coffee while Bucky turned about fifteen shades of red all at once.
"W-what," he squeaked out, eyes as wide as saucers.
"Come on man, it's just peanut butter. I'll get you a whole new...why are you guys looking at me like that?"
Both you and Bucky shot one another a sideways glance. You were vigorously shaking your head at Bucky who looked at you with wide and panicked eyes before Bucky turned back to Sam, "No reason."
"That's your lying face," Sam accused, pointing a finger at Bucky. "What was wrong with it? It wasn't expired..."
"No. No, it wasn't expired."
"Can I give you a hypothetical," Bucky asked, ignoring your pained groan. "Let me walk you through a hypothetical."
The movie had long stopped in the background. Bucky was on top of you with one hand cupping your breast and hips grinding his erection against your thigh. Tongue sliding against the seam of your lips you’d gladly opened your mouth against him. Already working you up and driving you crazy Bucky had you moaning low and rolling your hips up as his metal hand lifted your thigh against his hip, opening you up further and begging for his fingers again.
Frenzied kisses turned slow and sensual before your teeth dragged against his lower lip and a groan rumbled deep in his chest, “You know what I want to do?”
“Hmm, what’s that,” he growled against your lips.
“Really want to suck your cock right now.”
A guttural moan broke past Bucky’s lips before his hips surged forward, rubbing hard against you. “Fuck,” he cursed in a breathy groan, pressing his forehead against yours. “Really Kitten? You can't tease me like that.”
Looking up into his eyes you bit your bottom lip and nodded, your hands pushing and maneuvering him off of you briefly before rolling Bucky onto his back. "Whos teasing soldier?"
Sitting up on his elbows Bucky watched as you slid off the edge of the bed. Your nails dragging along the sensitive skin of his thighs making his cock jump.
A bead of precum welled at the tip of his cock and your tongue briefly lapped it away with a little moan. But that was nothing compared to the ragged groan that erupted from Bucky as you slurped him all the way down and into your throat. Hand wrapping around the base you bobbed your head and swirled your tongue.
Bucky’s head tipped back at the sloppy sounding pop as you pulled back. “Holy fuck,” Bucky chanted over and over, his hands fisted in the comforter under him.
Moaning low in your throat you felt his thighs twitch struggling to stay still as you worked before pulling away with a slurping pop. “Wish we had that flavored lube still,” you teased, hand wrapped around the base of his cock and giving a few heavy strokes that had Bucky moaning deep in his chest. “We could get really messy then.”
“Kitten likes it messy huh,” Bucky purred, his hand brushing the hair from your eyes briefly.
You hummed in agreement, tongue stroking along the underside of his cock, following the thick vein before you saw his blue eyes light up briefly.
“I have an idea,” Bucky exclaimed, pushing you back off of him and shooting out the door of the bedroom.
Sitting back and blinking you wiped at your mouth briefly as his naked ass disappeared down the hallway. Praying to whatever god was listening that Sam would stay in his room with the noise-canceling earphones on and not find his buck-ass naked roommate wandering the kitchen...again.
Bucky returned a moment later, the familiar red-capped jar in his hand with a wiggle of his eyebrows and you smirked up at him from the floor.
“Bucky dipped his dick in the whole jar!”
Your hands covered your mouth in shock as you blurted out the startling truth. Hiding your face behind your hands in both shame and embarrassment as silence fell in the tiny kitchen. Peaking out you saw Sam staring at Bucky, his brown eyes were wide and glassy as his mouth opened and closed a couple of times, “Y-you dipped your what, in the jar?”
“I couldn’t get the whole thing in there,” Bucky tried to reason as if it was going to help at all. “Only about halfway, kind of had to even it up a little.”
Sam held a hand up and Bucky fell mute from his too much information ramble. The man looked sick, his face going slack for a brief moment before he’d scrambled off the kitchen stool and made a mad dash for the bathroom as the door slammed closed behind him. The faint sound of him heaving up his breakfast reaching the two of you.
“Why would you put it back in the cupboard,” you whispered accusatory after a brief moment.
“I was half asleep when I went to clean up,” Bucky explained, throwing his arms wide in explanation. “I managed to get you cleaned up and the jar was just laying there on the floor without a lid. I didn’t want it spilling. I must have brought it out here and put it back in the cupboard.”
You gave him a scathing look as you heard Sam in the bathroom gurgling mouthwash before an enraged growl sounded from the room making you both wince. After a few minutes, Sam returned to the kitchen with a truly haunted look on his face. Brown eyes skirting from Bucky, who stood casually against the counter with his mug of coffee to you, who looked absolutely distraught.
“Sammy, I’m so sorry I-”
“Save it,” he snapped, pointing between you both car keys in hand. “I’m leaving and we’re going to pretend this never happened understand. There was no incident. Nobody will ever eat anyone else’s food again. This is never talked about again. Got it.”
“Got it,” you rushed out in a whisper. Behind you Bucky was quiet and you turned to see his smirking face and a curl of dread welled up inside of you at that face.
“Alright Sam,” Bucky relented, seeing the distressed look on your face but his smirk didn’t fade. “Tell me something before you go.”
“Bucky no,” you bemoaned.
“How was my nut butter, Sam?”
“You’re both nasty!”
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bucky barnes x reader. ⎢ masterlist.
Steve gives you Bucky's dog tags for a reason.
word count: 2.4k (lol, sorry)
warnings/tags: none. bucky being a cutie.
author notes: none of my stories contain reader’s body descriptions to be inclusive.
Join the tag list here.
“Welcome to Wakanda, agent (Y/N)”.
A second after you crossed their airspace, you were courteously greeted. The views from your ship were indescribable. Peace invaded you just at the sight of the open fields and the warm colors of autumn. You could get used to that place too. To live in calm, work hand-to-hand with Shuri, and have time to spend it with Bucky. The reason why you were flying there. Removing your right hand from the control and grabbing in a fist the dog tags hanging on your chest, you took a deep breath while closing your eyes before getting ready to land. T’Challa was waiting for you at the entry of his kingdom, accompanied by his excited little sister and some of his guards.
Pressing a sequence of buttons above your head, to pull the control back, the ship went down slowly folding its wings. As you landed and turned off the engineers, you freed yourself from the seatbelt and the huge headphones to step out. Shuri received you with a friendly hug, breaking protocol and being just Shuri. You built a strong relationship since you met a year ago, when you brought Bucky to that beautiful and magical place, to let him recover. To let him rest.
“Your highness”. You uttered to T’Challa crossing your forearms in the traditional salutation of Wakanda.
“Agent (Y/N)”. He corresponded walking closer. “The white wolf asked me to let you know he wouldn’t want to be… bothered with visits today”.
You couldn’t help but frown. The last time you saw him was around three months ago. You usually interchanged letters from week to week, being one of the fewer persons he trusted in. And it wasn’t just a question of trust. Steve told you about his feelings, his shyness, and insecurities, his fears. What Bucky didn’t know, again, it wasn’t a question of trust from you either. That’s why the Captain gave you the dog tags, after more than thirteen years under custody. You wanted to see him, to know if he was happy there as he wrote you in his letters one million times.
“He doesn’t wear his arm here”. Shuri clarified, taking a position close to his brother.
By the look on their faces, you were aware of two things. One, they noticed too that something was growing between Bucky and you, and that it wasn’t a simple friendship. Two, they weren’t going to stop you. Oh, quite the opposite. They’d bring you to him on a golden platter and a big red bow on your head. The king beckoned a hand to urge you to follow him to the inside of the building and use one of their ships to fly above the place to the white wolf’s location.
You were nervous. You didn’t sleep more than a couple of hours last night thinking about him and how he’d react to having back his tags since the forties. Your eyes were focused throughout the window on your left, watching different citizens taking care of animals and plantations, children running from one side to another, playing and having fun. Oblivious to the horror of New York, where you resided. One of the cities in the world with the highest rates of street violence. Serial killers or simply killers, rapists, kidnappers, drug dealers (...). It was a minefield and Wakanda seemed and felt like Heaven.
“Did you think about the offer?” Shuri nudged you to push you back to reality, turning your head towards her.
“Since you dropped it to me”.
“I…” You needed to put away your gaze again, focusing on the blue opened sky in front of them. “I want… to consult him first if you don’t mind”.
“Of course, (Y/N)”.
“I don’t want to put his world upside down, now that he’s not the…” You couldn’t finish the sentence. You couldn’t pronounce that detestable nickname and the pain beneath it.
Shuri nodded in silence, not needing your explanations. She knew how you felt. She understood you. The talk didn’t continue, stretching your right hand on your lap to calm your nerves and make you comfortable with the situation. The flight didn’t last longer than five or ten minutes, losing the track of time deep in your thoughts. The pilot indicated to you through the headphones that you were about to land, glancing at a complex of small houses in the middle of nowhere, surrounded by trees and wilderness.
You were the last one jumping outside with your hand grabbing the tags on your chest, trying to find the encouragement there to follow T’Challa’s hand pointing at a man working with goats and collecting hay for them. Licking your lips and assenting with your chin, you guided your steps towards him. Slowly. As if you wanted to turn around at some point. But you knew it was too late when he was the one turning at the sound of your heavy boots cracking the grass under them.
Bucky didn’t look annoyed for your visit, nor the lack of attention to his petition. Although there was something in his pale blue orbs you weren’t able to decipher, until he bowed down his head unconsciously to his left shoulder covered by a dark fabric matching his eyes. You had to do your best to not roll yours, shortening the distance setting you apart. You had been dreaming about that encounter since the last time you were there before Shuri accessed the darkest place of his mind and cleaned it from any trail of HYDRA. Now, he was free. And he looked in good condition as the bags under his eyes had disappeared and his hair was almost tied with a bun. His cheeks seemed a little more chubby and you just wanted to pinch them. But it’d be weird and out of place. For the time being.
Bit by bit, a sweet smile widened in your lips, curving them as Bucky stared at you again when he was conscious that you didn’t care. With or without a metal arm, your feelings were exactly the same. You couldn’t admire him more than you were admiring him at this point. You couldn’t love him more than you loved him already. And God was a witness of how many times you practiced to confess to him and tell him that the only thing you wanted in life was to be by his side. Bring happiness to his days, bring him peace and harmony.
“I'm sorry…” “I brought you…”
You two spoke at the same time, breaking in a soft giggle that jumped your hearts in complete sync.
“You first”. He let you, waving his hand.
“I… brought you something”. You susurrated, loosening the grip around the metal hanging on your chest to take off the necklace.
You noticed the way his eyes widened in surprise and confusion. Why did you have them? Who gave them to you? Why now? Bucky gulped watching you stretching the dog tags between your fingers towards him. He didn’t know what to do, taking a second before he was able to react. He couldn’t remember when was the last time he saw them, and the amount of memories they gave him overwhelmed his whole brain.
In slow motion narrowing his eyes, Bucky held the chain with two fingers to hang the necklace from it. You thought he was about to wear them, but he destabilized you as he directed his hands to above your head, to place them where they were an instant before. You didn’t understand. Didn’t he want them back?
“I want you to keep it”.
“I want you to have something mine”. Bucky recognized with a shy smile decorating his lips. “Those tags and my arm are the only things I have from my past. And… I won’t give you my arm…”
“Well, I bet it’d look good hanging from my neck”. You jocked tilting your head.
In his gift, you found the encouragement you needed to talk about T’Challa’s job offer. It wasn’t as if you were proposing to him, in the end, you were just friends even if it felt quite the opposite. You licked your upper lip, kissing your teeth after it, earning more than his attention.
“Shuri said, uh… I could come here, work with her. We’d do great things together, not only for Wakanda but for the world”.
Bucky’s gesture didn’t change a single inch, focused on the nervousness you were trying to hide from him and reading the reasons beneath.
“So T’Challa offered me to stay here”.
“Yeah… Permanently”. You assented pressing your lips, breathing through your nostrils.
“Did you accept?”
“Not yet. Not until talking to you about”.
He nodded then a couple of times, turning to the goats behind him coming closer. “Got to finish some stuff… Maybe we can talk later about it unless you have to leave”.
“No, no. I, uh… asked for the day off. Banner didn’t need me at the lab today”.
While the king was showing you the new level for research and investigations, Bucky took the advantage to go and find Shuri without your knowledge. He found her in the surroundings of the main building, working on your ship as you said it made some kind of random noise that put you out of your nerve during the flight.
“I need my arm”.
The princess squatted close to the left wing, turned at him without standing up. Pulling her sunglasses to the top of his head, she raised an eyebrow.
“You know for what”. He clicked his tongue, placing his hand on his left shoulder.
“No, I don’t”. She lied while cleaning the grass and oil in her expert fingers.
“I need to have two arms”.
“You’ve been working the last months with one arm only. Why do you need it now?”
“C’mon… Argh…” Bucky rubbed his face with boredom. “I want to hug her, okay? Can you just… give me back my damn arm?”
“Not enough reasons, you can hug her using your right”.
“I want to have two hands when I kiss her”. He finally confessed in a hiss, provoking a triumphant smile growing on Shuri’s lips.
“If you lie to me, if you don’t kiss her, Sergeant Barnes… I’ll code it to punch your face”.
“Wait…” Bucky wrinkled his nose drawing a horrified gesture on his face, as he turned his blue eyes towards his left shoulder. “Can you… do that?”
No, of course she couldn’t, but he didn’t know. Which were a good push for him to not go against her and her petition.
“C’mon. I’ll set it up and help you to put it on”.
Your eyes were traveling from one picture to another. He put some of them around his small house and it looked better now. More like a home. A place to stay. And for a second you felt a twinge straight in your heart when you noticed one photograph of the two of you, close to his bed. It was after your first mission together. Steve insisted on taking it, after noticing the sparkles between you. But you didn’t know he brought it to Wakanda with him, as your copy is on your nightstand too. And you used to fall asleep every night looking at it.
The curtain being moved and some steps in pulled you out from your thoughts, turning to find Bucky staring in silence at you. Your orbs landed on the metal arm. It was different too since the last time you saw it, with golden strips forming between the silver ones. You couldn’t help but sigh.
“You didn’t need to…”
“Yes, I did. I did need it”. He interrupted you, breathing through his parted lips and his heart about to fly off from his chest.
“Because, otherwise, I couldn’t do this”.
You were about to ask what he was referring to, watching him breaking the distance between the two of you in three fast strides. You closed your eyes at the moment his hands held your neck and Bucky slammed his lips on yours. The kiss, the contrast of cold and warmth on your skin, the everlasting longing for it to happen… All of this caused you to gasp, tangling the tunic at the height of his chest in your fists, not wanting him to take a step back. Your mouths fit perfectly without looking for it, made for each other, as he secured his fingers on the back of your neck. And you felt your knees weak when he pecked your lips one more time, before caressing your nose with his, not being able to open your eyes. Neither of you.
“I don’t have the right… to ask for anything”. He babbled. His insecurities coming afloat even if you hadn’t pushed him away. “But… I want you to stay here. With me. I… I don’t have much to offer you, but I promise to make you happy”.
At this point, your eyes were filled with tears, strongly closing your eyelids to not let them fall. You swallowed a sob, moving your hands from his chest to his middle back, embracing him tighter as you could.
“You’ve been making me happy since we met, Bucky”.
He chuckled breathless, intuiting he was too at the edge of his crying because of that affirmation.
“Every Tuesday, I wait at the stairs of my apartment for the mail, for your letters. I’ve… read them so many times I can recite them… by heart. Every word you've written to me”.
“I will continue writing them for you, even if you stay with me”.
Your voices were low, barely audible out of his place. Like secrets. Bucky kissed you again, bending enough to raise you by the back of your thighs and urge you to surround his waist with your legs. The dog tags on your chest clicked against the other, as you moved your arms to his shoulders and neck, and you were unable to stop kissing him. You two could die right now and not be bothered because you were finally together, and that was all you deserved in life.
“Tell me you will stay… please”. His beg brushed your lips, still pecking them between syllable and syllable.
“I will…” You replied without hesitating as you could, eager to correspond to every gesture from him. “I will stay with you”.
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3K notes · View notes
cookies, kisses, and such
a/n: i sat down to write a prompt, wrote 3k words & then didn’t include said prompt <3 anyways bucky barnes hmu to make cookies whenever ur literally the love of my life
word count: 3k or smth
warnings: none! just pure fluff
Something had... shifted.
Yet somehow, nothing had changed. You can’t put your finger on it, but sometime between then and now, there’s a difference. Well, that much was obvious — a lot of things had changed since Bucky and you became friends.
In the beginning, he was colder.
You couldn’t blame him, coming from where he did. He had rented up the vacant apartment that shared your left wall and for the first couple of months, you weren’t even sure if someone had moved in. It was quiet next door, and while there was a shuffle of furniture being dragged around for the first couple days, it went silent soon after.
In fact, the only reason you found out there was someone living next door was because you ran overtime on your shift. You had ducked home through the rain and darkness, your noisiness the last thing on your mind as you stomped down the corridor, a hot shower the only thing on your mind.
It must’ve been past midnight so you were hardly expecting to bound into someone and you gasped as you slammed into someone coming out of Apartment 5C, the one next to yours.
Spluttering out an apology, you stepped back to take your first look at your neighbour — who only muttered an assurance under his breath as he passed. You had watched him walk down the hall without a sound under his boots and enter the stairwell, with a realization that had been someone in 5C all along.
As you unlocked your apartment, stripped off your wet clothes, and stepped under the scorching stream of your shower, you cringed to yourself. All your loud attempted ballads that you thought only the tiled walls could hear, apparently had had an audience all along.
Pulling back your sheets that night, you wondered where he was heading at this time of the night but before you could entertain any answers, you had drifted off to sleep.
Somehow, you had ended up in front of his door the next day, your knuckles rapping on the wood. But, after the second knock, you were beginning to think that he just wasn’t going to open the door.
And after the third knock, you began to question whether you had imagined the man you had all but tackled the night before.
Shifting the plate in your hand, the cookies on them slide an inch to the right, still warm. You were initially worried he would know it was just a cheap box mix but now you’re just worried he’s not going to open the door at all.
You sigh and pick up one of the cookies, taking a bite of it, ready to give up — right as the door finally cracks open.
The chain on his door is still locked and from what you can see, the man behind it is very surprised to have a visitor.
Your eyes widen, your jaw furiously trying to chew and swallow the bite you just took so you don’t have to speak through your mouthful.
“Hh-i!” It comes out a bit muffled. You force yourself to swallow the half-chewed dough, wincing as it goes down. Your cheeks feel heated and you force an awkward smile on your face.
“Sorry, I just…” you trail off, lifting the plate of cookies higher as an explanation. “I thought I’d be neighbourly since I genuinely thought there was no one lived here. Didn’t mean to subject you to so much bad singing.”
The man steps closer to the door, his eyes scanning your face in analysis and for the first time, you get a good look at him too.
His hair is cropped short, his face is scruffy like it’s been a week or so since he’s shaved and he’s donned in a dark hoodie. From what you can tell, he’s handsome as well. You’re half expecting him to close the door without a word but after a long assessment, you seem to pass the test.
“Do you—” he clears his throat like it’s been a minute since he’s spoken. “You always steal a cookie when you’re giving them as gifts?”
Your cheeks feel hotter and you smile. “Only when it’s a batch as good as this.”
The man smiles and you feel a surge of pride. You move the plate into one hand and hold the other out. “The name’s y/n. Apartment 5B.”
You flick your head towards your front door.
The man’s eyes follow your movement for a second before they move back to your outstretched hand. He shuffles behind the door and it closes for a moment before it opens again, fully unlocked. He still hangs behind the door but sticks out a gloved hand, shaking yours briefly.
“Bucky.” He introduces himself and you smile, finally having a name to a face. You hold out the plate closer to him and he hesitantly takes it from you.
“I’ll promise I’ll try to avoid any Taylor Swift songs for the near future.” You joke and Bucky’s brow furrows for a moment before it clears.
“Thank you.” He says, before retreating into the apartment, closing the door without another word. Huh, not the talkative type, you mused.
But still a victory in your books, you smiled wider to yourself, wandering back to your own apartment. Bucky. Apartment 5C.
He gets warmer with time.
You seem to pass him more in the hall since actually meeting him; you wonder if he was always there or he’s scarily good at not being spotted. He doesn’t quite smile but gives a nod of sorts, to show that he recognizes you. It’s nice — you think for a while, that’s all it will be.
You won’t lie, you’re more than a little disappointed. Besides the fact he looked cute and you wanted to be his friend, you had also given him your nicest plate. Guess you weren’t getting that back any time soon.
You’re munching on Chinese food on your couch, a sitcom running on the TV but you’re not paying much attention.
It’s the end of another working week and you’re glad to finally be off your feet, though, you don’t exactly love the quietness in your apartment compared to the liveliness of the shift. It was more gossiping than terrible customers, so much you were almost sad to leave your work-friends behind.
A knock on the door startles your attention, head snapping towards the noise. You feel a pang of confusion, not expecting visitors, quickly turning to concern. Who could it be?
You consider not answering it when it comes again, softer this time and curiosity wins over concern. Placing down your food, you pad towards the door and ensure the chain is in place before you twist the knob and pull.
You blink for a moment as you realize it’s none other than Bucky on the other side of the door.
Your eyes take in his awkward half smile and travel down to the plate in his hands— your plate in his hands. With a fresh batch of cookies atop it. He looks less scruffy than the last time you saw him, his hair a little cleaner.
“Bucky, hey,” you begin, pushing the door closed enough to remove the chain. “I wasn’t expecting…”
My plate back. The cookies. You actually talking to me again. You trail off, not sure which answer is most appropriate. Bucky seems to sense your loss of words, clearing his throat and shifting back and forth on his feet.
“I thought I should return the favour.” He makes an attempt to smile wider. “Be neighbourly.”
You laugh a little, removing your hand from the door to take the plate from him with a warm grin.
“Thanks.” His eyes drift over your shoulder, to the murmuring talk of the TV and you swear you see his nose twitch at the smell of your takeout.
You weigh up your options for a moment, chewing on your cheek before you inhale, making a decision.
“Did you have any plans tonight?” You ask.
Bucky’s brows lift, showing his surprise but it quickly morphs into a small smile. He shakes his head.
“How would you care for some Chinese food and re-runs of New Girl?” Grinning, you open the door open wider in invitation and Bucky contemplates your offer for a minute.
He steps forward and smiles back. “How disappointed will you be if I tell you I haven’t seen this New Girl show?”
Scoffing dramatically, you shake your head in feigned disappointment. “I hope you’re prepared for a marathon, my friend.”
Bucky found it hard not to like you. You’re inviting, funny and most importantly, you seem to genuinely enjoy his company.
He would’ve never guessed that the remedy to being somewhat social again was through his pretty next-door neighbour, but he wasn’t going to complain.
You showed him the popular media you liked, which naturally, became the stuff he liked too. You were nice about his dismal cooking skills, spitting the baking soda clump in one of his cookies back onto your plate without a word. And you made life in these dingy apartments seem nice.
Each night he got to spend time with you, it became increasingly harder to return to his own apartment. It didn’t hold life like yours seemed to do.
Bucky is good at reading people. He knows from a glance if you’re too tired from work to have him over, but you’re never not in the mood to see him. After some time, he’s pretty sure he spends just as much time in your living room as he does in his own apartment.
He never stays over. That’s a given by now. You’ve stayed up with him chatting past midnight and even had him knocking gingerly on your door, later in the night, your music giving away the fact you're not asleep. But he doesn’t stay; in fact, you don’t think you’ve ever seen him get tired.
You’re always the one stifling your yawns, slumping further down the couch, and letting your eyelids droop. Bucky’s a gentleman though, and he’ll take his leave when he knows you’re getting too tired but won’t tell him.
He used to go at the first sign of a yawn but over time, you’ve convinced him that just because you’re yawning doesn’t mean you don’t want to hear the end of his story. Begrudgingly over time, he believed you.
The one time you had actually fallen asleep on the couch, you awoke in the morning in your bed, a note on your bedside table that read didn’t want to wake you in Bucky’s scrawled writing and you smiled yourself giddy.
He’s warm enough that he almost glows now.
It’s a drizzly Sunday evening and you’re dropping the last of the chopped spring onions into the Pho that’s bubbling away on the burner, filling your apartment with a delicious smell.
Your hair is messily tied back from your face, a few strands escaping the hair tie and you’re wearing the only apron you own, covered in Australian flags brought back by one of your friends.
A knock sounds on the door.
“It’s open!” You call out, knowing from his knock that it’s Bucky on the other side. Besides, you’re expecting him — Sunday is the evening you always put aside for each other, even if you see each other every other day of the week. This week you haven’t had a chance to see him at all, much to your disappointment.
You hear his boots on the wooden floor, the door closing, and the lock turning. You stir the pot, fighting to keep yourself from looking too eager at his arrival. His footsteps turn softer, showing he’s left his boots at the door and you bite back your smile, more than glad to know he’s comfortable here.
“Hey, doll.” He murmurs and you turn to greet him with a smile. He sidles up to your side, peering down into the simmering broth, his hand unconsciously coming up to rest on your waist.
“Sorry, I haven’t had time to come by this week. It’s been…” He trails off with a sigh — but as if he remembers where he is, who he’s with, his shoulders ease and he relaxes.
“You’re fine,” you assure him, leaning into his side just a little bit. “Nothing a little hearty food can’t fix, right?”
You pull your most cheesy smile and Bucky laughs, his eyes shining as he gazes down at you. If anyone else looked at the two of you, it would be an obvious guess that you were a couple.
And it’s not like, you’re not. But, well, also, you hadn’t exactly talked to him about whatever this was. You didn’t want to be the one to bring it up, especially considering how long it had taken the two of you to become friends.
But the part of you that really wanted to sling your arms around his neck and kiss him was getting harder to ignore.
Clearing your throat, you step away from him and fetch the bowls from your cupboards. As you spin back to him, Bucky takes them from you without a word and begins to set up your little coffee table by the couch.
Dinner is like usual; comfortable silence as you eat, quiet chatter from the TV, and the two of you drifting closer together on the couch.
By the time your bowls are empty, your arm is pressed against his as you lean against one another. Your eyes are on the screen and so are Buck’s but every couple of minutes, they shift to check on you. After the 3rd time, you can’t stay silent.
“You alright there, Barnes?”
Bucky falters for a moment, his eyes jumping between the TV and your face like he’s trying to play off his previous staring. His eyes settle on you and he smiles in that heart-melting way.
“Just thinking back to the first time we met — you with your cookies at my door.”
You chuckle as you recall the memory all those months ago. It seems a lifetime ago, your best plate and the best cookies you could scrape together, all presented with your best smile.
“I’ve got a box in the cupboard.” You say and raise your brows, knowing he’ll pick up on your suggestion. Bucky’s eyes light up and he sits up a little straighter on the couch.
“Can we?” He asks.
You push off the couch, getting to your feet in answer, and offer out your hand. “C’mon then.”
Bucky grins with childlike excitement and takes your hand, leading the way to the kitchen with hurried footsteps that have you stumbling behind him. He releases your hand and ducks into your pantry, returning a second later with the box in his hands.
“Someone’s eager,” you comment in a teasing tone, beaming adoringly at him. Bucky rolls his eyes with a grin and points towards the drawers.
“Mixing bowls and spoons please, doll.”
Following orders, you duck down and pull out all the baking equipment needed, and pop it onto the bench. Pulling out your phone from your back pocket, you select a 70s playlist and bob your head as Marvin Gaye’s Got to Give it Up begins to flow from your speakers.
Bucky does a little shuffle that you think is supposed to be dancing and you giggle, rejoining at his side as the two of you begin to bake.
It’s not very precise; Bucky’s spilled half the flour mix on the bench and you’re trying to stop laughing enough to fish out the eggshells you dropped into the bowl. You feel light, almost like you could float with how happy you feel right now.
“Oh, this is funny to you, is it?” He says, still trying to scoop up the flour mix and tossing what he can in the bowl. You don’t get a chance to retort when he blows a handful in your face and looks far too happy about it. Your face contorts into shock, eyes squeezed closed for a moment before you open them again.
“James Buchanan Barnes.” Your tone seems to make Bucky grin wider, his nose scrunching in that adorable way that only happens when he’s really happy.
“The full name. I’m in trouble now.” He smirks, watching as you shake your head in an attempt to dust off the flour.
You do your best to glare but Bucky manages to crack it within a few seconds and you dissolve into giggles instead.
He steps closer, his hands coming up to your face as he begins to wipe away the flour that hadn’t come off your skin. His thumb swipes gently along your cheekbone and you lean into his hand instinctively. You’re almost scared to breathe, just wanting to stay in this moment.
“Still beautiful, even covered in flour.” He murmurs quietly and you wonder if he knows he’s even said that aloud. Your chest seems to fill with pure light and you know without a doubt that the thundering in your heart is love. You love this — you love him.
So, you tell him in a way you know he’ll understand — turning your face and placing a soft kiss on the palm of his hand.
Bucky swears he nearly melts right there and before he can lose the nerve, he ducks in and presses his lips against yours. It’s short and sweet but it still has his heart beating out of his chest in nerves. It’s been goddamn over 70 years since he’s done this.
But you’re there, and you’re kissing him back.
He pulls back, still close enough that his breath mingles with yours, and watches as your eyes flutter open, lips curling up in the most beautiful smile. Between you is only love, lighting up both your faces, alighting every sense.
After a moment you lean forward and nudge your nose against his and gingerly connect your lips again, hands traveling up to rest on the sides of his face.
This kiss is more assured, less nervous this time and Bucky swears he’s never been this lucky in his life. To be here, to be kissing you in your kitchen, chocolate chips scattered across the counter because you both wanted a trip down memory lane to when you first met. It’s almost comical how it comes around in a full circle.
The song in the background switches, Marvin Gaye’s Let’s Get It On opening notes interrupting your tender moment. You can’t help yourself as you break the kiss, tipping your head back as you laugh loudly and Bucky has never seen something more beautiful.
“I swear that wasn’t planned.” you gasp out between your laughter and Bucky looks amused, like he only half believes you. His hands drop from your face to your waist and he tugs you closer, lips meeting your hairline.
“Cookies now?” He asks and you smile, content, with a nod.
“Yeah, we can make cookies now Buck.”
3K notes · View notes
i’m begging for you (take my hand)
this fic has 18+ content! MINORS DO NOT INTERACT. this is for your safety and mine! please respect that.
by continuing to read you are stating that you are over eighteen and understand this content is not meant for minors.
summary // bucky doesn’t do love, you love bucky. being friends with benefits makes sense, right? [bucky barnes x female!reader]
words // 19.0k (BUCKLE UP IT’S A LONG ONE)
warnings // modern!bucky, fwb! trope, brief love triangle (steve x reader x bucky), overall toxicity, cursing, daddy issues (bucky’s dad left), drinking, excessive use of nicknames (sweetheart/sweets/baby), oral sex (f! receiving), penetrative sex, unsafe sex (do not have unprotected sex!), spitting, thigh riding, bucky has a metal arm but it’s not explained why (it was a car accident & that is already known by reader)
notes // title from willow by taylor swift (this fic was originally titled heartbeat and inspired by childish gambino’s song of the same name) i just could not get modern bucky not knowing how to deal with feelings out of my head & it became this catastrophe [ive never written 18+ before so pls be gentle in your judgement of those scenes omg] happy reading!
if you enjoy this, reblogs & replies are greatly appreciated (especially when pieces take this much work)
》* 。 • ˚ ˚ ˛ ˚ ˛ • 。* 。° 。* 。 • ˚《
“To Bucky Barnes, my now forever lawyer.” You hold out your wine glass and he meets you halfway in a cheers. Bucky laughs brightly as you praise him. “And now my sugar daddy, since he makes an insane amount of money as senior associate.”
The two of you are halfway through your second bottle of wine. “I’ve been a lawyer for four years. I’m just now becoming your go-to?” He holds a hand to his chest in faux hurt.
You lean towards him as you laugh. “I needed to make sure you were a good lawyer. Get me off murder charges good.” It feels like the two of you have been scooting closer to each other all night.
“Sweetheart, you know I’d be there to help you hide the body if you needed me to.” He leans towards you in a conspiratorial whisper. Your eyes move from his eyes to his lips before snapping back up. “Then get you off the charges.” He breathes out.
You can feel his breath on your face. The scent of red wine hits your noise and you can see it staining his lips. You want to kiss him so desperately, but you just can’t make the first move. You don’t think you could handle that rejection.
“I’m gonna kiss you.” He says quietly, his eyes scanning over your face for any sign of rejection. You swallow thickly before nodding. “Okay.” You whisper back before letting out a nervous giggle.
Bucky’s hand comes up to rest against your cheek. Its coldness relieves some of the heat that’s risen to underneath your skin from his proximity and the wine you’ve consumed.
Your eyes slide shut as he leans in. His nose nudging against yours before you feel his lips. You bring your hand up to rest on his chest. His lips are softer than you expected and taste like the wine they’re stained with. It’s everything you’ve dreamed of when dreaming of kissing Bucky.
He pulls away and looks at you with half lidded eyes. “You’re so pretty.” He mumbles. You feel heat crawl up the back of your neck at the honesty in his tone. He presses a kiss against your jaw. Then your neck. Your head falls to the side to allow him better access.
It’s easy to move into his lap when his hands grip at your hips. “Fuck.” Bucky moans as you grind down against him. You throw your head back in a moan as his lips trail down from your jaw to your neck.
“Shit.” You say breathlessly as his hands run up and down your sides. Your hands drop down and begin to work on his jeans button and zipper. Bucky lets out a groan when they brush against his already hard dick.
You stand from his lap and he pulls his jeans off while you move to unbutton your top. As you work on the shirt, Bucky’s hands reach out to undo your own jeans. When you’re standing in nothing but underwear in front of him, Bucky isn’t doing anything but staring. The heat in his eyes makes you feel flush and goes straight to your core. “Fuck. You’re gorgeous.” He says quietly.
You crawl back into his lip and Bucky’s hands find you again immediately. You rub against him and both of you moan at the slight relief it offers. Bucky’s hand drifts down between you two and he begins to rub over your clothed clit.
You grind down on his hand and let out a whine. “More. More. Please.” You whisper. Bucky laughs softly at you before slipping his hand into your underwear and running a finger over your slit. “Oh my god.” Your head falls to rest on his shoulder.
“That’s it. You look so good like this, sweetheart.” He murmurs into your hair. The praise makes you moan as you grind down against him again desperate for more.
You pull back to look at him, one of your hands tangled in the hair at the back of his head. In a breathless tone you say, “Fuck me.”
Bucky groans. “Oh shit.” His hips buck up against you. “Yeah. Okay.” He pushes you off of his lap gently and moves to pull his briefs off. You follow suit and pull your underwear off.
“Come here.” He groans as he pulls you back over his lap. You giggle as he presses a flurry of kisses across your chest. He holds a hand out in front of you, “Spit.” He orders.
You glance at him in shock before following the order. His eyes roll back as he watches you before he moves to use the spit to lube himself up. “Fuck me. Please.” You whisper to him as he teases your entrance.
“Don’t have to ask me twice.” Bucky slips into you and you both let out loud moans. “Fuck. Fuck. You feel so good.” His forehead rests against your chest as both of you relish in the feeling for a moment. After a few seconds of shaky breathing, you yank at his hair gently so he’s forced to look at you again. A smirk spreads across his face at the feeling and you smile down at him, “Gonna fuck me? Or are we just sit here?” You tease.
Bucky’s hands grip your hips tightly and he steadies his feet on the ground. “Yeah, sweets. ‘M gonna fuck you.”
Your eyes focus in on Wanda as she waves a hand in front of your face. You can feel your body grow hot at the memory of Bucky and you. “What’s on your mind? You’ve been zoning out all night.” She laughs softly.
“Bucky and I had sex last night.” You blurt out, unable to keep it to yourself any longer. You swallow tightly when Wanda’s eyes brighten in excitement before confusion takes over.
She watches your face, like she can tell something was wrong, and doesn’t move to do anything for a second. When she does speak, it’s hesitant. “You’ve liked him since we were in school. Is this good or bad?”
You frown. She was right, you had liked Bucky since he had come barreling into your life senior year of college with bright eyes, mischievous smiles and maybe too many issues to ever be in a real relationship. You had sat through his flings and tried to move on with you own, but every guy had ended up being jealous of Bucky or too boring compared to him.
“He doesn’t-” You suck in a deep breath. “He doesn’t want a relationship.” You say quietly. You take another sip of your wine when Wanda reaches over with pity filled eyes and grabs a hold of your hand.
She shakes her head like she doesn’t understand what you’ve just said to her. “What do... What do you mean?”
You run your hands over your face in despair. “I don’t... We had like two bottles of wine and we hooked up.” You look up at her with tearful eyes. “When I woke up this morning, he went on about how he loved me and he didn’t want to hurt me.”
Wanda’s watching you with wide eyes. “Start from the beginning. What did he say? Are you sure he said he doesn’t want to be in a relationship?” She’s shaking her head in disbelief.
You take a deep breath before launching into the story.
His bed is empty when you wake up. Your stomach sinks as you stare at his bedroom door left ajar. You can hear him in the kitchen talking, but you can’t quite make out what he’s saying.
You take a deep breath before getting up. You had hoped he would sleep in with you. That cuddling in the morning would lead to confessions of hidden feelings. Your hopes diminished as you creeped down the hallway towards the kitchen.
“No.” Bucky sounds anxious as he talks into the phone. “I’m telling you. I fucked up.” You step in the kitchen and he glances over his shoulder with wide eyes. “I’ve got to go. Bye.” He hangs up abruptly and turns to you with a tense smile.
You give him a small smile in return. “Morning.” You tug at the hem of his t-shirt nervously as he stares at you. “We should-”
“I wanted to-” The two of you laugh awkwardly as you speak over one another. You hold your hand towards him. “You go first.” You move to sit at one of counter’s barstools.
Bucky’s watching you with wary eyes and if his words to whoever was on that phone weren’t warning enough, this new demeanor around you certainly is. “You’re my best friend.” He comes to stand directly across from you. “And I care about you a lot. You’re one of the most important women in my life. I don’t want to ruin our relationship.”
You nod slowly as he attempts to reject you kindly. If it weren’t so painful, you might laugh at how awkward he looks. “It’s not...” You trail off unsure of what to say. “Bucky, it’s not that serious. We’re fine.” You reach your hand across the counter palm up for him to take.
His brows furrow. “You’re not mad at me?” He asks in confusion. “I thought-”
You shake your fingers and he smiles before holding your hand tightly in his. “It was consensual. With a guy I trust with my life. And it was great sex. I’m not mad at you.” You smile reassuringly.
It’s not a lie. Not at all. Everything you said was true, you had just left out the part where you had been hoping for more. But you could get over this. A one time fling. You could survive it as long as you didn’t lose him.
“You have no idea how relieved I am to hear that.” Bucky’s shoulders relax. The tension on his face transforms into a cocky smirk. “Great sex?”
“That’s...” Wanda trails off as she digests your words. “Why didn’t you tell him how you feel?” She asks.
You look at her with wide eyes. “What do you mean why didn’t I tell him? Should we start with me overhearing him telling someone how much he fucked up or his rejection for dummies speech?” You laugh sarcastically.
Wanda gives you apologetic eyes. “How can you be sure he was talking to the person on the phone about you?” You scrunch your nose up at her and she sighs. “Okay, whatever. At least now you know he doesn’t want a relationship! You can move on and find someone with a bigger dick.”
“Wanda!” You can’t help but laugh. You give her an appreciative smile before letting out a sigh. “I don’t know... I guess I just always thought we’d end up together. It’s stupid.”
You trace your finger around the base of your wine glass. Wanda watches you for a moment before flagging down a waitress. She looks at you with a twinkle in her eye. “Can I get a round of tequila shots, please?” She asks.
The waitress nods before walking away. “We’re going to get you drunk and make you forget all about Bucky Barnes.”
You laugh softly. “Yes please.”
Four glasses of wine and two rounds of shots leaves you struggling to get the key into your apartment door’s lock.
“Fuck.” You mutter when you push too hard and the keys clatter against the floor. You sigh deeply before bending down to pick them. You lay one palm flat against your door in an attempt to steady your shaky feet as the other reaches for your keys.
Then you’re falling forward and your shoulder hits the floor harshly. “Jesus, sweetheart. I thought you were some weirdo trying to break in.” You groan as you look up and see Bucky staring down at you with furrowed brows.
He’s wearing nothing but sweatpants, his metal arm and abs on full display for you. You give him a dopey smile. “Hey, handsome.”
He laughs loudly. It’s bright and contagious and makes you giggle as he bends down to lift you to your feet. “Missed you tonight.” He says softly as he wraps his arm around your waist.
You allow yourself to rest your bodyweight on him, knowing he’s strong enough to lead you to your room. His soft words leave you feeling like you’re floating. It’s like the night before had never happened.
“Missed you too.” You whisper. Your words are slurred, not that you can change that, but you know he understands them. He presses a kiss to your head in response as he leads you down the hall and into a room.
The room is spinning around you, but you know it’s Bucky’s from the blank walls and dark furniture. Bucky sits you down on the edge of his bed and your fingers immediately grip his comforter tightly. “Why’d you bring me here?” Your grip is the only thing that keeps you from falling backwards onto his bed.
You try to focus your eyes on him, but he’s moving around the room too fast. From what you think is his dresser then his closet. “I’ve got to make sure you don’t choke on your own vomit tonight.”
“‘M not gonna get sick.” You mumble as he comes to a stop in front of you. He holds out a pile of clothes to you. “I have my own clothes in my own room.” You stare up at him defiantly.
You can see Bucky push his tongue against the inside of his cheek, a tell that he was getting a little annoyed. “C’mon sweets. Just put the clothes on and get in bed.”
He’s still holding the clothes out in front of you. His earlier rejection running through your mind. “I’m not having sex with you tonight.” You blurt out. You would have never said the words sober, but you didn’t want him to think it would become a recurring thing.
Bucky laughs awkwardly and drops the clothes on the bed beside you. “I’m not trying to have sex with you. I’m trying to take care of you and make sure you don’t die in your sleep.”
Your eyes narrow, but you feel far too dizzy to actually get up and move to your room to prove a point. You lift your arms and look up at Bucky, “Help?”
He smiles victoriously and reaches for the hem of your shirt. You can see his eyes trail over your bralette and feel your cheeks warm, but you blame that on the alcohol.
“Do you want to sleep in this?” He whispers as his fingers trail over one of the straps. You shiver as one of his cold fingers presses into your skin and leaves goosebumps in its wake.
You bite down on your lip, but nod your head. “I’ll be fine in it.”
He nods and you raise your arms again as he slips one of his black t-shirts onto you. It’s soft and smells like him leaving you warm all over and suddenly tired. Your head falls so your chin is resting against your chest.
Bucky kneels down in front of you. “Is it okay if I take your jeans off? So I can put sweatpants on you?” He moves his head so you’re forced to make eye contact with him as his hands come to rest on your stomach. He fiddles with your jean’s button, but doesn’t move to actually undo it yet.
You nod softly before falling backwards onto the bed. Bucky’s hands move quickly as he unbuttons and unzips your jeans. There’s a sharp inhale once he gets your jeans off, but you ignore it.
“Sweetheart.” You lift your hips when you feel his sweatpants get stuck underneath you. “Thank you.” He says quietly.
“What did you do tonight?” You mumble as you move around his bed to crawl under the comforter. You wait until he’s situated beside you before pulling the blanket up to cover the bottom half of your face.
He pulls the blanket down and holds out a wipe. “You complain when I let you fall asleep with the makeup.”
Your eyes flicker to his in brief shock, unaware of how much he actually listened to you. “Than...Thank you.” You begin to wipe it across your face. It’s not your normal routine, but it was better than nothing. “Tell me about your night.”
Bucky moves so he’s sitting against his headboard. “I just waited for you all night.” He shrugs.
You drop the wipe onto the side table. “Shut up. What did you really do?” You shove gently at his shoulder. Bucky’s hand wraps around your wrist and he pulls you into him.
He’s stronger when you’re sober, so your drunk body falls into his side easily and you wrap an arm around his waist. “I’m telling you the truth, sweets. I just waited all night for you.” He presses a kiss to your temple.
You look up from his chest to find him looking down at you with soft eyes. He’s being kind and you’re sure all that he can think of is how happy he is that your friendship hasn’t been ruined.
But all you can think about is how no matter how soft he is with you, he still doesn’t want to be with you. No matter how much he says he loves you and misses you, it’s not the sam way you mean it. It leaves a crack in your heart that you’re unsure will ever be healed.
She’s pretty. You think bitterly as you watch from across the room.
Bucky’s firm had a party every few months for donors. Bucky hated them. He always complained that schmoozing wasn’t his specialty, law was, so you were usually dragged along as his plus one to “Keep me from dying of boredom, please.”
You usually didn’t mind. Bucky flirted for money, you got to enjoy to open bar to cope with his non-existent feelings for you. Tonight felt even worse.
You force yourself to look away and look back down at the drink in front of you. You’re glad Wanda isn’t there to look at you with the same pity filled eyes that you had been getting since revealing the details of your hook up, but you wish you had someone to turn to.
“You look great in that dress.” Your head whips up at the familiar voice. Steve is smiling at you sweetly and you can tell he’s keeping his eyes respectfully on yours. “Definitely your color.”
You laugh. You and Steve weren’t particularly close, he was a childhood friend and you were college. The two of you really only spent time together in groups or with Bucky there. “Thank you, Mr. Rogers.” You tease.
“Please.” He throws his head back in an over dramatic groan. “Steve! So many people have called me Mr. Rogers tonight I’m going to fall into an identity crisis.”
You give him an ill-suppressed smile. “Thank you, Steve.” He sits down in the barstool next to you and waves the bartender over.
“Water for me and…” He glances at the empty glass in front of you, “another glass of wine for her?” His voice ends in a question and he smiles brightly when you nod.
“I could be wrong, but aren’t you supposed to be flirting with rich women to fund your pro bono cases?” You run a finger around the base of your glass.
Steve’s eyes trail from your manicured nails up to your teasing smile. He swallows and forces out a soft laugh. “I’m not too good at the flirting that’s uh-.” He looks over his shoulder before looking back at you with kind eyes.
You ignore his insinuation. Ignore the idea of Bucky and Steve feeling pity for you over Bucky. “Everyone deserves a break.”
The man in front of you gives you a relieved smile. “And what better way to take a break than talk to a pretty girl?”
You smile sweetly. “You could get 100k easily with that charm.” Steve throws his head back in a laugh and his arm lands on the back of your seat when he leans back in.
You find yourself leaning in too. He’s got a nice laugh and sweet personality. You can feel the warmth radiating off of him and it’s relaxing.
For a moment, Bucky is forgotten as Steve gives you all his attention, the first person to do so all night.
Bucky stops to stand next to Sam as he takes a sip of his drink. His eyes scan over the party in search of you.
“Good for Steve.” Sam says into his glass before taking a sip of his drink. Bucky’s eyes cut to him in question. Sam nods in front of him and Bucky’s eyes settle on you at the bar. With Steve.
“What do you mean good for Steve?” Bucky asks. He can’t take his eyes off of you as Steve slides a glass of wine towards you.
Sam shrugs nonchalantly. “He’s had a crush on her since that Halloween party last year.”
Bucky’s mind drifts to you in your skin tight superhero costume. He wasn’t blind, he had seen the guys who had come up to you and their eyes that had trailed after you.
“He hasn’t said anything to me.” He feels a surge of pride at the fact that he can’t explain when he thinks of how at the end of the night, you had come home alone with him, content to sit on the couch and watch horror movies. “He’s not her type.” He adds on after a moment of silence.
Bucky isn’t too confident in his words though. Steve seemed to be the perfect kind of guy for you. Kind, funny, made good money, and was always the guy who listened with open ears. Bucky just couldn’t fathom you with anybody that… He doesn’t know, but he knows Steve doesn’t feel right.
Sam snorts. “Yeah. Try telling you about wanting to take her out? He’d rather live.” Bucky watches as Steve leans in closer to whisper something into your ear.
He feels rage surge through him, but forces himself to stay in his spot. “Not like we’re dating. He could have told me if he wanted to. Or made a move.” He wasn’t sure why he felt so angry about you and Steve. It wasn’t like you two were dating, he hadn’t lied to Sam.
Sam looks at Bucky like he’s grown two heads. “Come on, Buck. Not dating? You call her all these nicknames, never let other people flirt with her, always take her home.”
“We live together.” Bucky defends weakly. His mind drifts to kissing you while wine drunk. He shakes his head. “Of course I take her home.”
Sam looks a little bemused as he asks, “Are you two seriously not dating?”
“Of course not! She’s my best friend.” He glances at Sam before looking back over at Steve. You’re leaning in too. It’s not like he was lying, the two of you weren’t dating. But he had brought you as his date tonight and he’ll be damned if Steve weasels his way into your heart.
“I was just cur-“ Bucky shoves his empty glass into Sam’s hand before beginning to make his way through the crowd towards you.
He can vaguely hear Sam shout a goodbye, but all he can focus on is getting your attention onto him and off of Steve.
You feel him before you see him. His hand trailing up your back before landing on the spot where your neck meets your shoulder. His grip isn’t tight, but it makes you shiver.
“What’s going on here?” His voice is a possessive drawl and you look up at him with a confused smile.
You sit up straighter and Steve immediately pulls away. His blue eyes follow Bucky’s arm to his face and they narrow. “Just keeping her company. Noticed you were busy, so…” Steve trails off with a shrug.
Bucky’s grip on you tightens. “Well, I’m here now. You can go back to schmoozing.” He nods his head in the direction of the party, but Steve doesn’t budge.
You’re extremely confused by Bucky’s sudden possessiveness over your attention and turn to him with an annoyed glare. “Actually, Steve was telling me about how that’s your specialty. He’s far too sweet to mindlessly flirt. ”
You feel Steve’s shocked gaze on you, because he had definitely not said that, but you don’t look away from Bucky. His glare melts into a sickly sweet smile as he turns to look at his childhood friend. “That so?”
Part of you feels bad for pushing Steve into the middle of whatever this tension was between you and Bucky. But you can’t ignore the pleasure that rushes through you as Bucky’s grip tightens and his attention focuses solely on you for the first time all night.
Steve looks back and forth between you two before he stands from his seat. “It was nice seeing you.” He leans down and presses a kiss to your cheek before slapping a hand against Bucky’s back. “See you later, punk.”
You swallow as Bucky moves to take Steve’s now unoccupied seat. He orders a drink and you can only watch in shock as moves around so casually. When he finally looks back at you he just looks confused by your silence.
“What’s up?” He asks with a smile.
You roll your eyes at him. “What was that?” You gesture in the direction Steve had gone before looking at him with wide eyes.
Bucky looks down at his drink and shrugs. “Didn’t want anyone bothering you.”
“Anyone bothering me? That was Steve!” You laugh incredulously. “I know Steve. You know Steve. He was keeping me company.” You can’t wrap your head around his random behavior.
Bucky shakes his head like you’re the one who’s being confusing and acting weird. “You just looked a little uncomfortable. I came to your rescue.” He gulps down the rest of his drink.
“My rescue?” You shake your head at him. “Buck, it was Steve. Steve Rogers is one of the most polite men in New York.”
Bucky shakes his head. “He likes you. Sam said he was definitely trying to make a move on you.” He immediately feels bad for blurting out Steve’s secret, but he just can’t let it go.
You scrunch your face up in confusion before letting out a breath. “That’s not your secret to tell.” You grab your clutch and stand up quickly. “Why would that even matter anyways?” You look down at him now, he’s still sitting on the barstool. He won’t look up at you.
“Can we just go home?” He asks quietly as he taps his fingers against the bar counter. You bite down on your lip before finally nodding. “Fine.” He lets out a sigh before standing to follow you.
You’re shocked when you feel his fingers slip in between yours as the two of you walk towards the elevators. Holding hands with Bucky wasn’t new, per say, you’d done it at bars to get out of creepy guys flirting with you, amusement parks so as to not lose one another, but this… This felt different, softer and more insecure.
You swallow before squeezing his hand in return. You hear the relieved breath he lets out as the two of you stop in front of the closed elevator doors.
He whispers your name with a tug of your hand. You turn to look at him as the two of you step into the empty elevator. “I didn’t… I didn’t mean to screw things up with Steve. I just… I don’t know.”
Your heart breaks a little. You weren’t sure what you expected. Maybe an admission of jealousy, that Bucky realized he didn't want you with Steve or any other guy, he wanted you with him. But the words never came and you feel stupid for letting your hopes get the best of you.
You shrug. “It’s fine, Buck.” The elevator is slow in its descent. You almost groan when you see how high you are and the fifteen floors left to go down. “I don’t like Steve… I just… It was nice to have some company. You were busy all night.”
You try to hide the emotion in your voice, but Bucky can hear it. He can see it too, written on your face as you try to keep your eyes on the descending numbers.
Your words cause a wave of relief to crash over him. You didn’t like Steve. You didn’t like Steve. He felt bad for his friend, but not bad enough to stop his next move.
He tugs at your hand again. The elevator is almost all the way down if you could just ignore him for a few more seconds-
His lips are on yours before you even have a chance to think about why he’s pulling you towards him. You’re still with shock, your hands clasped between you two, as Bucky kisses you.
You don’t kiss back, too stunned to. Bucky pulls back when the elevator finally dings and you try to rush out only to be stopped when you realize you’re still attached to Bucky’s hand.
“What the fuck was that?” You hiss. “You can’t just… Just flip out about Steve flirting, tell me you’re not jealous and then kiss me!” You yell.
Bucky swallows thickly and glances around the empty lobby. “I… It…”
You stare at him with lifted brows waiting for an explanation. “You need to figure your shit out, Buck. I said I was fine if you wanted it to be a one time thing but I’m not here for you to yank around.”
“I’m not trying to yank you around!” Bucky defends. “I just… What if it wasn’t just a one time thing?” He asks quietly, his voice almost a whisper.
You want to cry. “Wh...What?” You ask with a shake of your head.
“I feel like such a dick.” He admits taking a hesitant step closer to you. When you don’t move away, he places a hand on your cheek. “Stuff with work has been so stressful lately and… and I never have the time or energy to do anything. The other night, with you, was the most relaxed I’ve been in a while.”
“What are you saying?”
“I’ve been thinking of us helping each other out.”
“Like a friends with benefits thing?” You blurt out when you realize where he was going with this.
He nods. “I just… Got to thinking after you left that morning. It was great sex, best I’ve had in a while.” You swallow and your eyes dart away a little embarrassed. “And I know you and don’t have to worry about you giving me some disease. We live together and we wouldn’t have to go out or wait for some random hook up.”
You can’t really wrap your head around his words. “But you don’t want… You don’t want to have a relationship?”
“You know me.” He laughs tensely. “Not a relationship guy. I love you, you’re my best friend, but-“
“That’s good.” Your blurt, already regretting the words. “I mean, I love you, you’re my best friend too, you know? Neither of us really have time for one anyways and… Life is stressful.”
“You… You want to? Do the benefits thing?” Bucky looks like he can’t believe that you’re agreeing. Quite honestly, you can’t really believe the words coming out of your mouth either.
Because you liked Bucky. You had for so long now it felt like it was a piece of you. You were sure you loved him. You were sure he didn’t feel the same way and this… This was a way to be with him, no matter how fucked up it may be.
And life was stressful. A full time job with New York City rent and bills. You hated going out. You hate hook ups, they always left you disgruntled and disappointed. Bucky had… Bucky had been good. The best, probably. And it would be nice to have someone other than yourself every once in a while.
“Yeah.” You whisper. “I… I want to. I’m kind of sick of my hand.”
Bucky snorts then laughs and it immediately calms you down. He was still your Bucky. Just with the added bonus of sex. “Me too, sweets.”
He presses a kiss to your forehead and pulls you into a hug. You suck in a deep breath. “I think you said something about going home.” You mumble into his suit jacket.
“Yeah.” He whispers back, tilting your chin up to look up. He smirks down at you. “I did.”
“Fuck. Fuck.” You moan as Bucky kisses down your chest. “Please, Buck.” You whimper when his right hand comes up and begins to play with your nipple.
He doesn’t respond, his tongue flicking over your other nipple. You’re arching your back into him, it feels good, but you want more. His left hand is settled on your hip and you want it on you in a different way.
You groan when he pulls away to look at you. “What do you want, sweetheart? You gotta tell me or I won’t be able to give it to you.” His tone is sweet, but he’s looking at you with blown pupils and a cocky smile.
“Your fingers, Buck, please.” You try to lift your hips up a little, but his left hand keeps you pressed against his mattress. You look at him pleadingly when he still doesn’t move. “Please, James.” You murmur.
You didn’t call him by his first name often, he had introduced himself as Bucky and you hadn’t even learned it until a few months later. Sometimes you pulled it out to tease him, but tonight… You wanted to see if it would push him.
“Fuck.” He mutters, leaning over you and beginning to press a line of kisses down your stomach all the way to your pelvic bone. “Fuck, that’s hot. Say it again.”
You throw your head back in a moan when his hand begins to rub you through your panties. “James. I need you to-“
“Gonna give you more than my fingers, sweets.” He hooks fingers in the waistband of your panties and yanks them down. “Finally gonna get a taste of you, if that’s okay.” He glances at you and you nod hastily.
“God. Yes, please.” Your eyes flutter shut as his hands force your thighs open. His grip on you is tight and harsh and makes your entire body tingle.
“So pretty.” He murmurs just watching you. If you weren’t so turned on you would be embarrassed by his stare, but his words just make you even more desperate for him. He settles on his stomach, head between your thighs. He begins to bite and kiss his way up your inner thigh. “Been thinking about this since you let me fuck you, sweetheart.” He admits in a murmur before finally putting his mouth on you. “Thinking about how you taste.”
“Oh shit.” You moan, a combination of the pleasure of his tongue and his words giving you butterflies. “Yes. Fuck.”
“Knew you’d taste good.” He moans, the words go straight to your core and he knows it. He knows what he’s doing. His hands gripping at your hips tightly, thumbs rubbing calming circles into your skin. He flicks his tongue over your sensitive spot and your back arches. “So good.” You murmur breathily. Your hands are clutching the bed sheets as you try to grind your hips up.
Bucky pulls one hand away, it gives you a little more freedom to move but not much, and begins to tease you with a finger.
“Yes. Please, your fingers.” You beg him. Bucky chuckles against you, sending hot breath and a small vibration straight to your core. It feels good, he’s good.
He pulls away slightly and you whine. “Come on, sweets.” He urges, pushing his finger into you. You moan at the feeling. “What happened to calling me James? Said I liked it.” He adds another, your slick heat allowing them easily.
“James.” You look down at him with blown pupils. Bucky almost comes right there, his fingers inside of you, your chest heaving and you looking at him like that. “James. Please. Want your mouth on me again.”
Now that you’ve started saying his name, it’s like you can’t stop. The name tumbles out of your mouth like a prayer. He rewards you for it though, his mouth is back on you, licking over you steadily, and you can feel the tension in your stomach the closer and closer you get.
“So good.” Bucky murmurs into your skin. You moan out again. “Gonna come for me, sweetheart?” He pulls away to ask, his breath fanning across your skin. Your hips buck up towards him in desperation and Bucky groans. “Come on, sweets. Can you come for me? Please.”
He curves his fingers and flicks his tongue over your already sensitive bud again and your back arches. “Fuck. Fuck.” You moan as your orgasm washes over you. Bucky works you through it and your legs are shaking by the time he pulls his mouth away to smile cheekily at you.
“I like it when you call me James.” He whispers as he crawls up towards you. You roll you eyes with a tired smile. He fingers trace circles over you stomach. “You tired?”
You nod your head. Your eyes trail over his body, his hard dick making an obvious tent in his briefs. You smirk at him, your hand moving to trail down from his stomach to his dick. Bucky moans as your hand grips him.
“Still want you to fuck me though.”
Bucky thinks maybe the two of you should establish some ground rules. No dates, if you sleep with somebody else let the other know, use protection, don’t fall asleep together.
But he can’t imagine the two of you not having your regular Sunday breakfasts together after his runs or forcing you out of his room when the two of you had shared beds long before this ever happened.
So, he ignores it. He decides to enjoy your warmth in his bed and assumes you’re not seeing anybody else. It’s good. It works, even if his friends think he’s being an idiot.
Steve is on one side while Sam is on his other and they’ve both been standing in silence now that Bucky has finished explaining what happened when the two of you left the party.
He feels bad when he sees Sam’s eyes flicker to Steve in confusion, but Steve’s face holds more pity than annoyance. It makes Bucky feel uncomfortable in his spot as he takes a sip of water.
“I don’t understand why you’re not calling her your girlfriend.” Steve finally says.
Bucky rolls his shoulders with an annoyed sigh. “I just said. We’re both busy with work and friends, there’s no time for relationships. This works for the both of us. We don’t have to rely on shitty hookups and we trust each other.”
Steve gives Bucky a look that screams you’re an idiot while Sam just laughs loudly. “You have to know how ridiculous that sounds, dude.” Sam slaps a hand against Bucky’s back. “You guys live together. You have all the time in the world to actually date each other. I thought you guys were dating each other with how you act. you’re having sex now and you still won’t call her your girlfriend?” He asks incredulously.
“I...I don’t want a relationship. It leads to marriage and kids and fights.” Bucky shudders. “No thanks. This way I get great sex and my best friend.”
Steve sighs heavily. “She deserves better than that, Buck. You know that.” His voice is full of disappointment. The same tone Bucky has been getting for years when it came to his relationships.
“Like you?” His tone is defensive and his words are meaner than they should be. Bucky knows all Steve wants is for his friends to be happy. “She’s a grown woman. She can decide who she wants to have sex with.”
“Come on, Buck. You’re not an idiot. She’s had a crush on you for years.” Steve lets out an exasperated sigh. “This is a great way to drive her away and lose her for good.”
“All,” Steve raises his voice to cut Bucky off, “I’m saying is she’ll figure out this isn’t what she wants and find someone who can give it to her. Then you’ll be left in the dust realizing what an idiot you were for letting your irrational fears talk you out of being with her.”
Bucky runs his tongue over his lips. “Who? Are you gonna steal her?”
Steve rolls his eyes. “Will it be stealing when you’re the one who drives her away?”
His bed is empty when you wake up, but that’s no surprise, you knew Bucky ran Sunday mornings with the guys. You almost expect to feel more shame or pain over falling into this friends with benefits thing. But, you feel okay. Bucky was still your best friend. Just with mind-blowing sex. He didn’t kick you out at night and didn’t seem put off by you.
Your phone vibrates somewhere in his room from the inside of your clutch. You groan and finally move to sit up. Bucky has picked your things up and folded everything into a neat pile on the top of his dresser. Your clutch is sitting on the top of the pile and you can see the vibrations of your phone shaking it slightly.
You pick his shirt up from the floor and slide it on before reaching for your underwear underneath the clutch.
When you pull your phone out you see a few missed calls from Wanda, one last night the one you’ve just missed. You crawl into Bucky’s bed again and call her back.
“Hey!” You smile at Wanda’s voice. “I called you last night, but I forgot you had that lawyer thing.” You can imagine her nose scrunching up in disgust at the idea.
You mess with a loose thread on the comforter. “Yeah. Buck dragged me along.” There’s silence on the other end. You sigh heavily. “Shit. Wanda. You’ll never guess what I did last night.”
Your eyes take in the room. Bucky doesn’t have many decorations or knick knacks, but he has a couple pictures sitting on his nightstand. You move to his side of the bed and pick one of them up.
“You go home together?” Wanda doesn’t need to guess, there’s a twinge of disappointment in her voice but all you can focus on is the sadness you hear. Like she’s just hurting for you at this point.
You stare down at the photo in your hand. It’s from Bucky’s last birthday. “We live together.” You defect. The photo is the two of you sitting at your kitchen counter with two glasses of wine in front of you. The wine is red and you can faintly see it staining both of your lips. His arm is wrapped loosely around your waist and you’re pressing a kiss his cheek. The photo makes your heart ache. “You sleep in your room?” Wanda laughs. You drop the photo on the bed in front of you. “You’ve gotta tell him. Tell him how you feel, really.” She urges you.
You’re shaking your head even though she can’t see you. “It’ll ruin everything.” You say quietly. Losing him would be worse than loving him like this. “We... We agreed on a benefits thing last night. I think it can work.”
“That’s a great way to get hurt.” Wanda says. You glance at the other picture he has sitting on his nightstand.
It’s a photo of him and Steve. The two of them are children standing with hands wrapped tightly around the straps of their backpacks and they’ve got bright smiles on their faces. You smile at the sight, both boys happy, carefree and full of life.
Bucky’s left arm is still flesh in the photograph. He doesn’t talk about the accident much, he had come out with one arm and a completely changed person. Sometimes you wonder if things would be different if it had never happened.
You hear the front door slam shut. “I’ve gotta go! I’ll talk to you later.” You hang up before Wanda can say anything else. You leave the picture frame sitting in the bed, moving quickly from Bucky’s room to your own.
Bucky’s bedroom door is open when he gets home, but you’re nowhere to be found. Your clothes still sit on his dresser and there’s a picture frame partially covered by his comforter that makes Bucky pause.
It’s his favorite picture of you two, wine stained lips and happiness radiating off of you. He wonders what had made you grab it and what had made you drop it. Steve’s words come to mind she’s had a crush on you for years.
Bucky wasn’t an idiot. He had seen the nervous smiles and bright eyes in college, he had done everything he could to stay just friends with you and it had seemed to work. You had moved on. Boyfriends and flings had come and gone, your eyes had shifted into a caring stare and you stopped nervously fidgeting with your hands around him, so Bucky had assumed your crush went away. Even now there was nothing that really stood out as you liking him. It sounded like Steve was making assumptions to mess with Bucky’s head. And it was working.
He stares at the picture for another moment before placing it back on his nightstand. Bucky wasn’t afraid of relationships, Steve was wrong, he just hated how they ended. He wasn’t afraid of holding hands or expensive dates, he was afraid of the unavoidable hurt and falling out of love that would cause him to lose you.
He couldn’t lose you.
“Bucky?” Your voice jolts him from his thoughts and his head turns from the photo to you, standing in his doorway in nothing but his t-shirt and a pair shorts. “What should we order for lunch?”
Bucky lets out a deep breath before smiling up at you. “We should get some wraps from that cafe down the block.”
“That sounds good.” You smile. Your eyes move over him and Bucky has to look away. You’ve always been good at studying him and knowing if something was up. “Everything okay?”
Bucky shakes his head. “I’m just thinking.” He offers a tense smile that makes you step further into his room. Bucky’s eyes move from your bare feet up your legs to your face that’s watching him with concerned eyes.
“That can’t be good.” You tease as you take a seat next to him. You rest your head against his shoulder and Bucky feels a little calmer with you next to him. “What’s got you spacing out like that, Buck?” You ask gently.
“You’re not…” Bucky swallows thickly and looks down at his lap. “You’re not gonna leave me, right? This isn’t gonna fuck us up?”
He feels you tense against his side and begins to panic until your hand intwines with his. “Not if we promise not to let it fuck us up. You’re my best friend, Buck. I don’t wanna lose you either.”
“I promise.” Bucky squeezes your hand. “Do you?”
You squeeze his hand in return, but don’t say anything. Bucky takes the action as promise enough.
Days turn into weeks which turn into months and suddenly it’s November, fall in New York becoming winter much sooner than expected. The cold bites at your cheeks and seeps into your bones. Bucky becomes your warmth despite the constant ache in your heart at what you really are to him.
Bucky comes into your room or you sneak into his. You ignore the looks from your friends when you all go out and don’t heed to any of Wanda’s advice.
The lines are blurred to you, because it feels like you’re in a relationship. It’s almost like you’ve fallen into one naturally. It’s not just secret sex in the middle of the night. It’s all your normal things, reading together on Sundays and watching your favorite show together Saturday nights. Only now it’s started to include footsie and make-out sessions.
There are some nights the two of you go out, whether it to be to dinner or to see a new movie, and they feel like dates. Bucky never lets you pay and holds your hand in the theater.
You almost want to ask him Why. Why aren’t we official? Why can’t you call me your girlfriend? But you’re far too afraid. For every small gesture that feels like love, there are nights out with your friends where Bucky ignores your existence or awkward introductions to coworkers you run into at the movie theater.
Life moves on though. Day by day. Even if feels like you’re on a train moving full steam ahead towards a wall and impact is inevitable.
It’s nice to have a taste of what it could be like to have him.
It blows up on a Thursday night, at eight thirty-two pm, to be exact.
Bucky didn’t feel like cooking, he was relieved when you had suggested going out to grab dinner, but now he just wishes the two of you had stayed home.
There’s a tense and awkward silence as the two of you walk home. You’re about ten feet in front of him and not talking at all, it honestly looks more like he’s some creep following you home at this point. If he weren’t so upset he would probably laugh at the scene.
If Bucky had just kept his mouth shut.
“Oh my god.” You groan, slouching down in your seat and covering your face with your hands. “Fuck.”
Bucky looks between you and the entrance of the restaurant confused by your sudden annoyance. “What’s wrong?” He asks leaning towards you.
“I went to high school with that girl.” You whisper. “We were friends until I stole her boyfriend.” You roll your eyes.
Bucky chokes on his drink mid-sip. “You stole her boyfriend? Right on! I didn’t know you had that in you.” He laughs, completely shocked by the idea of a you in high school who steals guys when all he’s ever known is the sweet, loyal girl.
“I didn’t actually steal her boyfriend!” You hiss. Bucky notices the girl do a double take when her eyes catch on you. “He broke up with her and asked me to prom two weeks later so she assumed I stole him. She hated me and made the last few months of senior year absolute shit for me.” You explain slipping further into your seat before taking a heavy sip of wine.
“Incoming.” He chuckles as she makes a beeline for your table. You sit up ramrod straight when her hand lands on your shoulder and your name comes out in a fake giggle.
“Eliza.” Your smile is equally as fake as you stand up to offer her a quick hug. “How are you?” Bucky watches with amused eyes as Eliza launches into a story about her boyfriend, who’s watching the scene with bored eyes from across the restaurant.
He smiles awkwardly when the two of you turn to face him. “This is my boyfriend, Bucky.” You smile tightly at the woman and Bucky watches uncomfortably as she trails her eyes over him. “Really?” Eliza asks.
“Just friends, actually.” Bucky can’t stop the words from tumbling out of his mouth with an awkward laugh.
Your eyes narrow at him before they flicker away. Bucky watches in what feels like slow motion as your shoulders hunch in and you close yourself off, absolutely embarrassed as Eliza turns to you with a proud smirk. “Is that right?” Her tone is nasty and Bucky is filled with regret immediately, but there’s nothing he can do because you’re grabbing your purse and jacket and storming away.
Eliza smiles at him. “She’s always been one for the dramatics.” Bucky shakes his head as he pulls out some bills and leaves them on the table, moving the chase after you. “Thanks.” He says to the woman sarcastically as he pushes past her.
That had lead him here, trailing after you silently, as you fume from a distance. “Sweetheart, come on.” Bucky pleads. The words make you freeze and spin around to face him.
Bucky stumbles backwards as you walk towards him with fury in your eyes and your finger pointed at him accusingly. “Don’t call me that.”
“I’ve always called you sweetheart,” Bucky frowns. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to embarrass you. I just-”
“You didn’t embarrass me, James.” Bucky flinches as you spit out his first name like it’s poison. “You humiliated me. Was it really that big a deal? That I introduced you as my boyfriend? Does the idea of dating me disgust you that much?”
Bucky throws his hands out in front of him in a defensive gesture. “No! I just... We’re not dating. You know that!” He shakes his head. “I mean, dating you doesn’t disgust me... I just... You know?”
You raise your eyebrows at him. “No. I don’t know.” You say coldly. “It’s not like we’re not dating. You have to see that.”
“See what?” Bucky asks, completely exasperated. “We do everything we used to do and sometimes have sex.”
“Oh my god!” Your laugh sounds manic as you pause and look up at the sky like you’re searching for an answer. “Have you ever thought that maybe we weren’t ever just friends, Bucky? That we didn’t act like normal best friends do?” You cross your arms and look back at him.
Yes. Bucky thinks immediately. “No!” He swallows. “I’ve always seen you as my best friend! Never... Never...” He’s dug himself a deeper and deeper hole every time he’s opened his mouth, but this is the nail in his coffin. He says your name gently, but you’re already backing away, hurt all over your face.
“I guess I read everything wrong then.” You say quietly. “These stupid dates and us falling asleep together at night. All the holding hands and cuddling, right?” Your voice is filled with wet emotion and Bucky is sure if it wasn’t so dark outside he would see tears brimming your eyes. “You do that with all your friends. I mean nothing.”
“That’s not what I said!” Bucky exclaims. “You know you’re one of the most important women in my life. Please. Don’t do this.” He pleads.
“I’m done. Okay? This stupid benefits thing? These friend dates, Sunday mornings together, movies? Done with all of it.” You hiss. You suck in a deep breath, like you’re preparing to deliver the final blow. Bucky braces himself. “You wanna be just friends? I’ll do you one better, we can be just roommates. That way there’s no confusion.”
Bucky can only stand still, watching as you walk away.
Wanda has a kind enough heart to not say I told you so, when you show on her doorstep with mascara running down your cheeks. She just pulls you inside by your arm and wraps her softest blanket around your shoulders.
“What happened?” She places a cup of tea on her coffee table in front of you. You can vaguely hear Vision trying to move around in the kitchen as quietly as possible. There’s an unspoken question that lingers in the air. What did Bucky do?
You sniffle. “We ran into Eliza tonight.” Wanda’s eyes widen and you nod. “I… I introduced Bucky as my boyfriend. It just slipped out, but he totally panicked and corrected me right to her face. I was so humiliated, I bolted.”
Wanda takes the seat beside you on the couch. “That’s awful. I can’t believe that idiot,” she hisses the word, “couldn’t put aside his dumb fears for five seconds and just have your back.”
You rub your eyes harshly. “That’s not the worst part of the night. I think the worst part was when he reiterated we were just friends and that he’s never seen me as anything more than that.”
Wanda’s mouth drops open in shock and you can even hear Vision murmur something along the lines of oh shit in the kitchen.
“Good way to get hurt, huh?” You reiterate Wanda’s words from weeks ago and her face falls into a look a pity. “I’m so stupid. Why did I even agree to doing benefits with him?”
“We all do dumb things when we love someone.” She says soothingly as she rubs her hand across your back. “I know this hurts, but look at the silver lining. Now you can move on, for real. Bucky’s made his intentions clear and you can find someone better.”
You look at her sadly. “What if there isn’t someone better?” You almost choke on your own breath as you talk through your tears. “What if no one makes me feel that way?”
Wanda shakes her head and reaches up to grip your chin between her fingertips. It forces you to look into her blazing eyes. “Bucky’s nothing more than a man with commitment issues. We’re in New York City, there are millions of them. And for every Bucky, there’s a…a…”
“Vision.” You offer up with a teasing smile. Wanda blushes, but nods. “There’s a Vision. And yours is out there, he was just waiting for Bucky to fuck up.”
You let out a choke laugh. “Yeah…” You trail off. “Can I crash here? I don’t think I can-“
“-Of course.” Wanda cuts you off. “For as long as you need.”
Bucky doesn’t even want to go inside. He just stands outside his apartment door staring blankly at the lock. It doesn’t feel like home without you there.
You haven’t been home in three days and if it weren’t for your instagram stories with Wanda and Vision, Bucky would think you were dead.
You haven’t reached out at all, he isn’t sure if you had come by the apartment to grab personal things and when he had asked the guys if they had heard from you, Steve had just given him an I told you this would happen lecture.
Bucky feels like a fucking idiot. Bucky is a fucking idiot. He shoves his key into the lock with a sigh.
“Bucky?” A voice calls out. It makes him freeze in the doorway. It’s your voice. He’s sure it is. Nobody else had a key to the apartment. You pop out of the kitchen with a smile. “It is you!”
Your demeanor has done a complete flip. There’s no harsh stare or fiery eyes, just smiles. It leaves his head spinning. For the past three days he’s been trying to figure out how to make things better and you’re…fine?
“He…hey.” He pushes the word out. “Um. What are you doing here?”
Your brows furrow. “I live here?” You laugh softly before turning back into the kitchen. Bucky follows you dumbly, completely awestruck by your sudden reappearance.
“I thought… I thought you were mad at me?” He asks hesitantly.
“I was. Now I’m not.” You shrug. You move around the kitchen easily, putting groceries away that Bucky hadn’t even noticed with his entire focus on you.
He moves towards you. “Sweetheart-“
You interrupt him with your name and suddenly the fire is back in your eyes. Oh. This isn’t Bucky’s best friend coming back into his life.
It’s his roommate coming back home.
Just like you had promised.
Bucky tries to catch you some days. He’ll tilt his head in an attempt to force your eyes to meet his while you talk about nothing after he gets home from work.
You always avoid them, terrified one look into the blue you’ve loved for so long and you’ll crumble at his feet. You chatter about nothing important, the weather outside and your neighbor upstairs who always stomps around at four in the morning.
Bucky always listens intently and you begin to feel a little guilty for cutting him out completely. You just needed some time to get over him, then one day you could come home and watch Law and Order with him again and cook dinner together.
But for now, you pretend he’s nothing more than a roommate and like you’re not desperately in love with him.
It’ll work. It has to work.
Your name is like honey coming from Steve’s lips. He’s got a kind smile on his face as he hands over your coffee. He had slipped behind you in line at the coffee shop with a sheepish hello.
“You didn’t have to do that.” You say softly as you take it from him. “I can pay for my own coffee.” You can see the ingredients scribbled onto the side of his paper cup and it makes you smile into your sip.
Steve Rogers had a sweet tooth.
“Day off? Or just a break?” You hold the coffee shop door open for him to follow you out onto the street. Steve gives you a thankful smile.
“Break. I’m heading back to the office now.” He takes a sip of his drink. There were two weeks left of November and the streets of New York were doing their annual flip. Christmas lights going up too early and gloomy skies overhead.
You walk beside him, one hand shoved into your pocket. “Mind if I walk with you? I’m off today and I am so bored just sitting around the apartment.”
“Not at all!” Steve answers quickly. There’s a slight flush on his cheeks that you attribute to the wind nipping at both your cheeks. “I could use the company of someone other than corporate lawyers.”
You laugh at his dramatic eye roll. “You know most of your friends work at that firm.” Steve gives you an unapologetic smile. “Two friends and I can admit they can both be dicks sometimes.”
He looks at you like he knows something and you swallow, turning to look straight ahead of you. “I disagree.” You finally say after a moment. He looks down at you with furrowed eyebrows. “Sam is always a sweetheart.”
That startles a laugh out of Steve, who looks at you with a shine in his eyes. He shakes his head and looks down at the sidewalk in front of him. “You okay? I know that-“
“-I’m fine.” You cut him off. You look up at him with a half smile. “And we don’t have to talk about it. In fact, let’s not.” You force out a laugh and Steve nods slowly.
You end up walking the rest of the way in a comfortable silence. Steve has a reassuring presence, something you don’t think you’ve ever even realized until now. Warmth radiates off of his body and his eyes give everything he feels away. Steve is a good apple. At least that’s what your grandmother would say if she had met him.
“This is me.” Steve says softly as he slows to a stop outside the corporate building. If you look around you’ll notice every building near by looks almost exactly the same. “Thanks for walking with me.” He says softly with a nervous smile.
You smile back. “Thanks for buying me coffee.” You hold it up towards him as if to show him. “And for letting me tag along.”
Steve shakes his head. You’re sure he has to get back to work soon, you know their days are usually full and small breaks like this were just that - small. “You don’t have to thank me. I… I like hanging out with you. You’re cool.” He scrunches his nose up when he realizes what he’s just said but you giggle.
“Cool?” You ask with a teasing smile. Steve looks down at his feet with red dusting his cheeks. “I think you’re cool too.” The words are soft as you nudge his boot clad foot with yours.
Steve looks up with bright eyes. “Yeah?” You nod and he smiles to himself. “We should… We should hang out more.” He suggests hesitantly.
Your eyes widen as you look at him. Steve looks about two seconds away from being sick with nerves and it’s sweet. Completely and utterly tooth rottingly sweet that someone is this nervous around you. Your heart picks up at him wanting to hang out more.
“Like dates?” You question quietly. Steve turns a bright shade of right and you’re reminded of Bucky blurting his secret out weeks ago. “I would like that.” You don’t give him a chance to respond to your first question.
He smiles so bright that you’re blinded by it. “Yeah?” You nod with a small smile. “Yeah. Now go back to work!” You shove his shoulder lightly which makes him laugh. “You have my number.”
He’s nodding happily as he backs away. “I do! I’ll text you?”
“Please!” You laugh as he pushes through the glass doors backwards, almost running over a women. He smiles awkwardly at her before facing you once again. You wave as he disappears into the crowd of people.
When he’s out of sight you let out a sigh. He was kind and incredibly endearing. Steve was a man every woman would be lucky to date. Why did you feel so guilty for flirting then?
You know why.
You ignore it.
Bucky watches with pursed lips from his spot by the front desk as you and Steve chat outside. He tries his best to read lips, but your both standing at an angle that makes it near impossible.
“You’re not creepy at all.” The voice makes him jump and he turns to look at Sam, leaning against the opposite side of the reception desk. Martha, the woman who runs the desk, looks between them in amusement. “Steve is some kind of psychic, huh?” He snorts.
Bucky turns his glare onto Sam. “It’s not my fault they’re out there for everyone to see.” He snaps before turning his eyes back on the scene in front of him.
Sam laughs loudly and Bucky watches his Steve embarrasses himself by running into a girl leaving the building. He would feel better about it, if he couldn’t see you smiling brightly at the man.
Bucky loves Steve, but he wants nothing more than to punch him in the face for not staying away from you. Even though Bucky is fully aware you’re both adults with minds of you own, he had never imagined Steve would actually sweep you off your feet.
When Steve makes his way towards Sam and Bucky, Sam has got a cheesy smile on his face and Bucky can do nothing but glare. “Got myself a date, boys.” He smacks a hand against Bucky’s back.
“It’s like… She was run right into my arms.” He smirks before making his way towards the elevator. Sam follows behind Steve with another loud laugh.
Bucky is left standing in the lobby alone. He watches your form retreat across the street and sighs. He had made a mess of things, huh?
You can’t get the dress to zip up all the way. You’ve tried a multitude of angles, from pulling the dress up and trying to reach it over your shoulder to almost breaking your arm at an awkward angle.
You sigh in defeat as you stand in front of your mirror. You can hear Bucky in his room across the hall, music playing a little too loud and his footsteps around the room. He’s got his cleaning playlist on, it forces a small smile to appear on your face.
You suck in a deep breath. Roommates helped each other with zippers. It was normal, Bucky could help you with a zipper.
“Bucky.” You knock softly on his door. There’s no answer, he probably can’t hear anything over the music. You knock harder. “Bucky?” The music stops and you suck in a nervous breath.
His door flies open and his eyes widen when he sees you standing in the half zipped dress. His eyes narrow. “What’s up?”
Your fingers fidget in front of your stomach as you look at him nervously. “Can you… Can you help me zip the rest of the way? I just can’t get it.” You admit sheepishly.
Bucky nods. “Turn around.” He orders softly and you do as he says. His fingers find the zipper stuck halfway up your back and your breath hitches. You think you hear his do the same as he begins to pull it up slowly.
It’s a tense silence as his hands rest on your back for a second too long. When he drops them back to his side, you turn to look at him. He shuts his eyes tightly and sighs. “Listen. About what happened-“
There’s a knock at your door that makes you step away. You look at Bucky apologetically. “I’m sorry. I’ve got to go.” You take a few stumbling steps away.
You feel his eyes on you as you move through the apartment and collect your purse and jacket. When you open the door, Steve is standing there with flowers and it makes you pause.
Bucky’s bedroom door slams shut when you pull the flowers into your own hand. His music starts playing again as you get them into water. You and Steve smile awkwardly at each other.
When Steve’s hand lands on your lower back to guide you out of the building, all you can think is Bucky’s hands there earlier, warmer and somehow softer, you try to ignore how wrong it feels.
You were moving on. It would get better.
Bucky’s pathetic. That much he knows. Four drinks in and he’s missing you desperately. All he can think about is Steve’s hand on your back and how you look in that red dress.
Did you know it was Steve’s favorite color? Is that why you had worn it? He had seen the black lace of your bra underneath when zipping the dress for you, had you worn that on purpose too?
He feels like he’s hit rock bottom. Like it can’t get worse than this. His best friend on a date with his other best friend who he wasn’t talking to anymore because he wanted a friends with benefits thing.
I had other friends, he thinks. Friends who I could stand to lose. Why did I want her? Why did I do that?
Annoyingly enough, Steve’s voice is what answers him. You’re in love with her. The words make Bucky jolt up in his seat because, well, he’s never thought that before. He’s always known he loved you in a platonic sense and that he cared for you deeply, but being in love with you?
That can’t be it. Bucky didn’t really do being in love. He’s seen what that does to people. He saw what it did to his mother, heartbroken and left with two kids to raise on her own. He’s seen what heartbreak has done to Becca, who used to lock herself away in her room and spend hours crying over boys who weren’t worth it.
He snorts to himself, taking another sip of his drink. They say you can only go up from from rock bottom. Bucky thinks he’s got some kind of special ability to go lower though as he stares at his phone.
He wants to text you and beg you to come home. He calls his mom instead. “Ma?” He asks quietly when she picks the phone up. “It’s Bucky.”
“I have caller ID. I know.” She lets out a laugh. “What’s up? You sound upset, my love.” She asks gently.
“I fucked up, Ma.” Bucky admits after a moment of silence. “I…”
“What’s wrong? What happened?” She sounds panicked and Bucky immediately feels bad for worrying her.
“No I mean, like, with Y/N. I fucked up with her.” He explains. His mother inhales sharply at the sound of his best friends name.
“What happened?” She asks softly, almost knowingly.
“We… I… I’m not meant for relationships? You know? Love? It always ends bad so I told her we could just be friends with some benefits.” He feels a little embarrassed sharing this with his mother, but he doesn’t have anybody else to turn to. “And I fucked it up. I wanted to have my cake and eat it too.” Bucky can admit that he blurred the lines. That he didn’t treat you like just a friend, but when had he ever? You’d always been a little closer than normal friends.
“Oh Bucky.” His mother murmurs, her tone isn’t disappointed, just sad. “I’m so sorry your father did this to you.” Bucky rubs a hand over his face. “Ma-“
“-No, Bucky. I’m sorry you didn’t get to see the value of romantic love. Of love that keeps you warm and love that makes your heart race.” She says quietly.
“It always ends in heartbreak. I don’t need it.” He says defensively. It’s silent, Bucky listens to his mom breathe before finally whispering, “What if I’m like him? What if I ruin her life?”
“Oh sweetheart, you’re nothing like him.” Her voice cracks. “You’re good. You’re a good man. You’re empathetic. You care deeply. You don’t have to be afraid of ending up like him, you’ve already proven you won’t.”
“Doesn’t feel like that.” Bucky lets out a short laugh. “Feels like I already am.”
“James Buchanan Barnes. I am not going to sit here and listen to you talk about yourself like this. You’re not like him because you see what you’ve done wrong. Because you feel remorse.” She says heatedly. “Your father never felt bad for what he did or who he hurt, that’s what makes you different. That’s what makes you better.”
Bucky wipes hastily at the tears that he hadn’t realized were falling down his cheeks until now. Has he always been this much of a light weight? Full of emotion and regrets that are only amplified by his drunkenness.
“I love that girl like she’s my own.” His mother’s voice brings him back. “So, what are you gonna do to fix this? I already bought her Christmas present.”
Bucky laughs. His chest feels a little lighter. “Leave her alone.” He answers genuinely. He can almost see his mother’s mouth open in protest. “She’s on a date with Steve. I can’t ruin that for either of them.”
There’s a sigh on the other end of the line. “You’re a good man, Bucky. Every good man makes mistakes. It’ll all work out.” She says vehemently.
“I love you, ma. Thank you.” Bucky looks at the bottle in front of him. “I love you too. I’ll talk to you later, okay?” She asks gently. “Okay.” He nods as she hangs up.
Her words help, but he’s still filled with guilt as he thinks of you. He had never wanted things to become this messed up with you. The last thing he wanted was for you to hate him.
Then why’d you do it? Bucky pulls at his hair. Since when was his subconscious so annoying? Was it the drinks? It’s your voice next. I mean nothing to you?
“No. Shut up.” Bucky says to himself before standing up, his knee knocking against the coffee table painfully. He groans, but doesn’t stop moving. He feels like he’s going to be sick. He is going to be sick, he realizes as he forces the bathroom door open.
He throws up. He’s not sure if it’s from the drinks or this overwhelming feeling of pure angst in his chest. A feeling that makes his lungs constrict and his heart ache.
He briefly wonders if this is heartbreak. And if it was, did that mean Steve was right? Bucky loved you?
He makes it back to the couch and starts a random movie in an attempt to stay up and wait for you. To talk or something. He was so, so sick of not talking to you.
But he falls asleep less than fifteen minutes later and he doesn’t hear you step into the apartment.
“I had a really nice time tonight.” You say quietly. It’s almost midnight and you’re sure your neighbors wouldn’t appreciate you waking them up. “Thank you for taking me out.”
Steve stuffs his hands into his jacket pocket and gives you a grin. “Thanks for letting me take you out.”The two of you look at each other before breaking eye contact with awkward laughs. “We should do this again.”
You nod. “We should!” You lean up and press a kiss to his cheek before turning towards your door. “I’ll see you later, Steve.” You say softly before pushing the door open.
Steve gives you a short wave with a happy smile. “See you.” He begins to back away, down the hallway. “I’ll just.” He jabs a thumb over his shoulder before spinning around to walk straight.
You laugh silently to yourself as you finally step into your apartment and shut the door behind you. With your eyes shut tightly, you lean your back against the door and let out a sigh.
Your silence is disturbed by a groan and your eyes shoot open. Bucky’s laying on the couch, one arm hanging off and a bottle of whiskey sitting almost completely empty in front of him.
“Oh, Bucky.” You let out a sad sigh as you drop your purse and keys on the entryway table. His eyes are squeezed shut, you can tell he’s in a deep sleep.
When you stand in front of him, you push the stray hairs that are stuck to his sweaty forehead back. He’s flushed and you don’t know exactly how much he’s had to drink, but he was definitely drunk. You allow your nails to trace over his cheekbones and jawline in admiration.
You move away, suddenly aware of what you’re actually doing. You move quickly, picking up the empty glass and whiskey bottle and moving towards the kitchen. You leave the glass in the sink and stuff the bottle back into your drinks cabinet.
You think of just going back to your room, but you know you can’t leave Bucky shivering on the couch. You grab a clean glass and fill it with water before placing it on the coffee table in front of you. You pull out your travel Advil from your purse and sit it next to glass. His favorite blanket is draped over the back your lounge chair. You pull it off and drape it over him gently. Bucky snuffles then turns so his face is pressed into the couch.
You look down at Bucky again before leaving him in the room.
It’s like there’s a shift between you and Bucky after your date with Steve. You’re kinder and you seem to be more open with him again, while all Bucky wants to do is hide away in his room.
Every time you sit across from him in the living room or join him for dinner, he feels panic rise in him like vile and he ends up sitting tensely beside you.
Because you’re figuring your shit out. You want to be friends with Bucky again while Steve takes you out every weekend. It’s perfect. Going swimmingly, really.
Except, Bucky is falling apart. Every time you go out with Steve he makes himself sick thinking about what you’re doing. He’s stuck in this constant cycle of why does it hurt so much and you love her you love her you love her.
He just wants to scream so what? Even if he did love you, what did it matter? It’s not like it would change anything. You had never told him you loved him, you had only been angry because he had given you mixed signals. Now, you had moved on to someone easy, someone without commitment fears and who didn’t give you mixed signals.
So, even if he did love you, why would he say anything. Why would he ruin something good for you? He wanted to prove his mother right. He was better than his father, and he wouldn’t ruin something good for you. Not when he was the one who had driven you away. Sick sense of irony, the way this worked out.
You’re trying. You can tell Bucky is too. As you come further out of your shell again, he sticks to staunch boundaries and has ceased all of his old affectionate gestures. You know it makes sense and it’s for the best. Even if it does nothing but remind you of what you had grown used to with him before all this.
Besides, you couldn’t blame Bucky for not feeling the same way you did. Not when you had agreed to just benefits and not when you had never told him the truth.
And Steve was sweet. Steve was gentle and kind and kissed you like you mattered. He held your hand in public and introduced you as his date when you ran into people he knew.
He was good. You cared for him, a lot, and you were desperate for it to work out. For it to work out with Steve and for it to work out with Bucky.
That’s how this night started. These thoughts and a plan. A stupid fucking plan for moving on. Drinks with everyone. Wanda, Vision, Sam, Steve… Bucky.
Bucky who was talking to a redhead at the bar. Bucky who you couldn’t stop staring at as he smiled and charmed her. Your fist tightened around your glass as you watch her nails inch towards his hand.
“Another round of drinks?” Sam’s voice pulls you from your stare. You shake your head to yourself and glance around table. Everybody’s glasses are empty except yours. “I’ll go!” You offer as you drain the last of your drink quickly.
You stand up before anybody at the table can question it. “I can help you.” Steve goes to stand, but you place a gentle hand on his shoulder.
“Bucky’s up there. I’m sure he’ll help!” You give him a big smile, one that he answers with furrowed eyebrows. You don’t think much of it as you spin on your heel and make a beeline for the bar.
You don’t see the look Wanda shoots you or the glance Sam and Steve share. You stop right behind Bucky and lean on the counter as you order then you tap him on his shoulder.
He spins quickly. “What’s up? Everyone okay?” He asks, his eyes shifting between you and the table of your friends.
“Yeah!” You give him a small smile. “I was sent for drinks and I didn’t realize how many there were. Think you could help?”
He glances between you and the redhead, who’s giving you a kind smile as she waits. You smile in return before looking up at Bucky again. “Please?” You tack on with a pout.
Bucky laughs. “Yeah. Whatever.” He looks down at the woman again. “You wanna join us? Promise everyone is super cool.”
Your eyes widen as the drinks are placed in front of you. She wasn’t supposed to come. This was supposed to… You pause.
This was supposed to get him away from her. Back to your side.
“Yeah!” You give her a fake smile. “You should join us, we could always use more girls.” You chuckle as you lift three glasses.
Bucky grabs the other three before looking at the woman in question. She shrugs before grabbing her own glass to follow after you two.
You hand out the glasses before taking your seat beside Steve again. He arm comes up to rest behind your chair and you can’t shake the urge to push it off.
“Guys, this is Natasha.” Bucky gestures to the woman besides him before pulling a chair out for her. “Natasha. Wanda, Vision, Steve, Sam.” He points everyone out before finishing off with you. She smiles politely at all of you. You grind your teeth as he sits beside her.
The group seems to take a liking to her right away. She laughs at Sam’s jokes and compliments Wanda’s engagement ring. You’re burning with jealously as Bucky flirts in front of all of you.
It’s wholly irrational, a sober you would know that this jealously doesn’t really make sense. Three mixed drinks in though and it feels like Bucky is doing this to hurt you.
It feels like he’s showing you what he could never do with you. He never flirted with you in front of your friends or allowed his hand to inch towards yours on the table in front of them.
Bucky was secretly affectionate with you. It was tangled feet on Sunday mornings and cuddling Saturday nights. Sex in the middle of night and… heartbreak the next morning.
So his drifting hand and charming smile directed towards Natasha is suffocating you with insecurity. What did she have?
“I’m going home.” You stand abruptly when Bucky leans towards her with a laugh. Your shaky on your feet and Steve reaches a hand out to stabilize you. Everyone looks at you with confusion. “I… I don’t feel good.”
“I’ll walk you home.” Steve stands immediately.
You shake your head. “No!” When he freezes and looks at you with hurt eyes you smile tightly. “I mean, I’m going to take a Lyft. You stay here, have fun.”
“At least let me wait with you. So you’re not in the cold alone.” He insists and you nod slowly.
You really want to be alone, to wallow in this feeling, but Steve was nice and of course he wouldn’t let you go alone.
You watch Bucky for a moment, like you expect him to say something, to offer to come with you. Like he always did, but his attention shifts back to Natasha as Steve’s arm wraps around your waist.
It’s silent as he guides you out of the bar and tense as you order the Lyft. “Fifteen minutes.” You say softly.
Steve nods and looks around the almost empty street. You open your mouth to break the awkward silence, but he beats you to it.
“What happened between you and Bucky?” He asks quietly, his hands stuffed into his jacket pocket, and his teeth gnawing on his bottom lip.
You swallow thickly. “He didn’t tell you?” You ask instead of answering the question.
“He told me you guys had a friends with benefits thing going on. Then he told me you didn’t.” He doesn’t look angry, just sad as he stares down at you. “You know Bucky, he doesn’t share a lot.”
You look down at the sidewalk, your heel scuffing against it nervously. “I don’t know. I read things wrong, I guess. I… I thought we had a chance?” Your tone is questioning and you let out a laugh in a self-deprecating manner.
“You still love him?” You eyes shoot up to meet Steve’s. You open your mouth to say something, anything, to turn this conversation around but the door opening takes your attention off of the conversation.
It’s Bucky and Natasha, laughing softly with one another. You turn away quickly and feel the vomit rise in your throat. “I’m gonna be sick.” You murmur before throwing up all over Steve’s shoes. He grimaces and takes a step back as the couple turns around at the sound of you.
Bucky calls out your name. You can’t look up, instead you drop to the ground and sit on the sidewalk ledge.“Are you okay?” Bucky kneels down beside you as you cough.
“I’m fine. You can go. Go.” You urge, unable to look up at him. Bucky doesn’t budge though, his hand coming up to push back the hairs stuck to your forehead. “Bucky. Please.” You groan.
“I’ll walk her home.” Bucky says to Steve, ignoring your pleas. “The air will do her some good and the car moving will only make her feel worse.”
Steve looks between you two hesitantly. “I don’t know, I can take her.” You still feel nauseous, especially at the idea of Steve who you’re pretty sure just broke up with you wanting to keep you away from Bucky for your comfort.
When you look up, Natasha is standing behind Bucky with worried eyes. You feel tears gather in the corner of your eyes as they move to Bucky. He smiles gently, his hand still resting against your cheek. “Let me walk you home, sweets.”
The nickname makes your heart soar. Months of nothing but your first name and you feel like you’re floating at the sound of it. “Okay.” You nod, your hand coming up to rest on his. “Okay.” You pull out your phone to cancel the Lyft.
He helps you stand. “I’ll see you.” He says apologetically to Natasha. She doesn’t look upset, in fact she smiles at him like she knows something you two don’t. “I’ll let you know when we get home.” He says to Steve, who nods before following Natasha inside.
You feel flushed and hot all over. A horrible mixture of drinks, jealously and nausea settling in your stomach. It makes you horribly dizzy and you’re forced to lean against Bucky heavily for support.
“One step at a time, sweets.” Bucky says softly, his metal arm wrapped tightly around your waist.
“Almost there.” Bucky exhales a deep breath as he all but carries you towards the couch. He’d given up on getting you down the hall, you had pretty much become dead weight and getting you down the hall to the apartment had taken a lot out of Bucky. “Few more steps, sweets.”
Bucky’s cheeks are red and his entire body is warm. It’s been so long since he’s been this close to you and he can’t help but feel his heart grow as you latch onto him.
“Easy. Easy.” He murmurs as he sits you down gently on the couch. You mumble incoherently as you head lands on the back of the couch.
He pulls away from you and pulls his phone out. Sorry to leave you, maybe we can catch up another time?
Maybe. As friends, of course.
Bucky glances at you before looking back down at his phone, he begins to type but another message pops up quickly.
I saw the way you looked at her, I don’t think you’re looking for a girlfriend! It’s okay :)
Bucky leaves the phone sitting on the coffee table as he focuses his attention back on you. You open your eyes and look at him sadly. “What’s wrong with me?” You ask quietly.
“Nothing.” Bucky responds immediately, his hand reaching out for your cheek. The moan of relief you let out at the coolness of his metal appendage goes straight through Bucky. “Nothing is wrong with you.” He forces his voice to stay steady.
He takes a seat next to you on the couch and drops his hand back to his lap. While you stare at the carpeted floor, Bucky’s eyes trail over you. He takes in the skin tight pants and soft sweater. The way your legs look makes him swallow thickly. You were beautiful and Bucky loved you.
The thought makes him pause, but it doesn’t scare him nearly as much as he thought it would. He did. He loved you. He knew looking at you now that the months of questioning it and then trying to make himself believe it was just as a friend as you dated Steve, was all in vain. He loved you. Maybe he had loved this whole time.
You look up at him suddenly, like you can hear his thoughts, and Bucky is frozen in his spot. You move towards him slowly and he can’t do anything but watch.
You crawl into his lap and Bucky’s hands immediately rest on your waist to hold you steady. “What… What’re doing?” He can’t hide the shock in his tone. He has to hold back a moan as your hands come up to run through his hair. You left yanks gently at the hair on the back of his head to force him to look up at you and Bucky is unable to stop the moan from slipping out then.
You smile down at him cheekily. “Want you to fuck me.” Your already slurred words are murmured, so Bucky almost doesn’t understand you. “It’s been so long, Buck.” You grind down and he chokes on his own spit, not expecting his night to end like this.
“You gotta stop, sweets.” His grip on you waist tightens in an attempt to halt your movements. “You’re drunk. You don’t know what you’re doing.” He says, looking back up at you.
Your hands rest on his shoulders and you shake your head. “I know I hated seeing you with her. I hate not having you. Please, I miss you.” You whisper pleadingly.
The words pain Bucky. “I miss you too, but you don’t want this.” He gently pushes you off of his lap and back onto the couch cushions beside him.
Your head falls to your hands while your elbows rest against your legs. “Why don’t you want me?” You look back up at him with wet eyes. Bucky freezes. Is that what you thought? That he didn’t want you?
“Sweetheart, you have no idea how much I want you.” He admits, reaching out to pull your hands away from your face completely. You shake your head and pull yourself away from him.
“If you wanted me you wouldn’t have flirted with her all night. In front of me. In front of our friends.” Bucky looks at you with wide eyes. How could you be upset with him over that when you had gone with Steve? When you had been dating Steve?
“You’re with Steve.” He reminds you. “Am I supposed to not flirt with other people? You told me we were just roommates. We’re barely even friends!” He exclaims.
“No! I told you that because you hurt me.” You wipe tears off of your cheeks. “You… You made me feel like I was something to you then told me I was just a fuck. I was hurt.” You explain. “God, you- I loved you so much and you just - just-“
“You love me?” Bucky cuts you off. He knows you’re drunk, but the words make his heart race. He feels his eyes soften as he stares at your form.
The tears gathered in your eyes begin to fall down your cheeks as you shake your head hastily. “Loved you. I loved you. But you didn’t love me, so I moved on.”
Bucky didn’t know it was possible to physically feel your heart break, but here he was, his heart cracking painfully as you look away from him.
“I’m so tired.” You whisper. “Why could you flirt with her in front of all our friends? Why… Why was I a dirty secret?”
Bucky doesn’t know what to say to you. Doesn’t know how to explain to you that he wasn’t afraid of losing her the way he was you. He didn’t know her at all, he certainly didn’t know her the way he knew you.
“We should get you to bed.” Bucky stands abruptly. His hands come down to hold your arms gently as he helps you stand. “We can talk in the morning.”
You allow him to pull you up, it looks like you’ve given up on furthering the conversation. Bucky picks you up bridal style to carry you down the hall.
Your arms rest loosely around his neck. “Steve broke up with me.” You say as Bucky drops you onto your mattress. “He knows about us. He doesn’t want someone who… who…” You trail off before falling into a fit coughs.
“We’ll talk in the morning.” Bucky says softly, his fingers trailing over your cheeks. “I promise, sweetheart.” You already have a water bottle on your nightstand, so Bucky searches your vanity for Advil.
He leaves two pills beside the bottle. You’re already dozing off, your eyes fluttering shut, so Bucky leans down to press a kiss to your forehead. When he goes to pull back, your hand shoots out and wraps around his wrist. “Stay. Please.” You whisper.
Bucky hesitates for a second before nodding and sitting beside you on the bed as he pulls his shoes off. His heart races as he moves to lay beside you and he feels flushed as you curl into his side.
He allows himself to relax with you in his arms. It had been so long since you’ve been beside him like this and Bucky lets himself feel love as you do.
Is this what he had been afraid of the entire time?
You wake up hot, nauseous and with a pounding headache.
And something wrapped tightly around you. When you open your eyes fully, the first thing you see is a metal arm wrapped tightly around your waist. You groan when your eyes trail up and the sunlight streaming in from your window hits you.
A deeper groan is returned and it makes you freeze. You rack your brain for what happened last night, but all you could remember was getting sick outside the bar and Bucky taking you home. Had you said something? Had he?
You turn over in his arms and look up at him. His eyes are still closed and he’s letting out steady, soft breaths.
“Bucky.” You whisper, your hand coming up to rest against his chest. “Bucky, wake up.” You say a little louder.
His eyes snap open and immediately he pulls away from you. “Shit. Sorry. I’m sorry. You… You…” He sots up and rubs a hand over his face.
“I don’t… What happened? I just remember you walking me home.” You sit up slowly. You’re still wearing your leggings and the sweater from last night. You groan. “I’m sorry I took you away from…” He shakes his head.
“It’s okay. I offered. You asked me to stay when I got you into bed, I’m sorry if you’re uncomfortable.” His apology is sincere and you suck in a deep breath.
“It’s okay. I don’t… You know I don’t mind falling asleep with you.” Neither of you move or say anything, just sit on opposite sides of your bed in awkward silence. “I-“
“I love you.” Bucky blurts effectively cutting you off. Your eyes widen and your pulse quickens as you stare at him. You had not been expecting that. “And… I’m sorry it took all of this. Not being friends, Steve, drinks, for me to realize, but I do. I think I’ve always loved you, I just… I didn’t know it.”
You shake your head as you try to process what he’s saying. “I don’t… I don’t understand. Where is this coming from?”
“I… Seeing you with Steve. I didn’t… It killed me inside.” Bucky admits.
“And you think that means you love me?” You spit out. “You said it yourself, Bucky Barnes doesn’t do relationships.” You shake your head. “You’re just jealous because you don’t have my attention anymore.”
“That’s not true.” Bucky says adamantly. He turns his body on the bed so it’s facing you. “It made me realize I love you. It made me realize my favorite time of the day is when I get to spend time with you. That our Sundays spent reading and Saturdays watching Law and Order were always better than bars or parties because I was with you. I… I want to do the relationship things with you. Holding hands, just sleeping together. Telling people you’re my girlfriend.”
You stare at him tearfully. “How do you know it’s love? That you didn’t just miss me?”
“I know what it’s like to miss you. This feeling? This warmth in my chest when you’re around and the ache there when you’re gone? That’s not missing you. I...” He pauses. “I love you. And It’s okay if you don’t feel the same anymore-“
“-Anymore?” You question. Your eyes squeeze shut as you headache gets worse. “Bucky, what-“
“You told me you loved me last night. You were drunk, I know, but-“
“Fuck.” You laugh to yourself as you take in everything he has said. Pieces of last night come flashing back to your mind. Crawling into Bucky’s lap, crying, admitting you had loved him. “Oh God.” You groan, rubbing your hands over your face.
“Bucky you don’t have to-“ You shake your head. “You don’t have to try and make this something it isn’t because you feel bad.”
“I’m not.” Bucky reaches a hand out to rest on your back. “What can I do to make you believe me?”
You look over at him. “Prove it.”
Steve meets him for coffee later that morning. You’re out with Wanda for Sunday brunch and Bucky is on his final stop of his apology tour.
“Hey.” Steve looks up from his phone and smiles at Bucky. “Can I sit?” Bucky motions to the chair across from him and Steve nods.
Steve pushes a black coffee over to Bucky, whose nose scrunches up at the scent. Fair, Bucky thinks. “What’s up?” Steve asks quietly. “You missed our run this morning.”
Bucky looks down at the table. “I had some stuff to deal with. You know with-“ Bucky cuts himself when Steve nods. “Listen, I wanted to say I’m sorry. Shit was never supposed to get this messed up.”
Steve shrugs. “You tell her?” He gives Bucky a knowing smile. “That you love her?”
Bucky gives him a small smile in return. “I did. Yeah.” He taps his fingers against the table. “She’s got some, uh, trust issues with me. But it makes sense. We’re gonna take it slow.”
“I’m happy for you, Buck.” Steve admits after taking a sip of his drink. “I was never mad or angry with you. I always knew she still cared for you and I think I always knew it would never be anything serious.”
Bucky nods. “Thanks, Steve.” He looks down at his coffee with an appreciative smile.
“Besides,” Steve smirks, “Natasha is super cool. We exchanged numbers last night after she asked about what was going on between you two.”
Bucky invites you to spend Christmas with his family. You don’t even have to think about it before you say yes. Christmases with his family were always full of warmth and love; You absolutely loved it.
You’re more excited to be here this year too, to celebrate with him in this way. As his girlfriend, you had heard him tell Rebecca over the phone when informing her of his plans to drive up to see them Christmas Eve.
You had the perfect gift for him too, well, you have a few gifts for him. Most of them could wait for Christmas with his mom and sister, but there were two you were just desperate to see his reaction to.
That’s why you slip out of his room in the early hours of the morning when the sky is still dark and everybody is asleep.
That’s how Bucky wakes up, a small, wrapped box sitting on the nightstand and you nowhere to be found. Bucky eyes the box warily before looking around the rest of his bedroom. Your suitcase is unzipped and he can tell it’s be riffled through before being shoved back into the corner os his room.
His door is pushed open quietly. “Why are you up?” His voice makes you jump and spin so your back slams against the door. Bucky has to bite back a laugh as you take a couple deep, calming breaths.
“I...I was going to wake you up.” You tip toe across the room and crawl into bed beside Bucky. You suck in a deep, nervous breath. While you and Bucky had been dating for the past few weeks, you had also been taking it slow. “For gifts.”
Bucky’s eyebrows furrow as he sits up a little straighter in bed. “Gifts? It’s five in the morning, I promise Becca and my mom are in such deep sleep we couldn’t wake them if we tried.”
Kind of what I’m banking on, you think. “No. I mean.. Our gifts, for each other.” You explain in a soft voice, before reaching over to pick up the small box you had left sitting on the nightstand. “I didn’t want to give you this in front of your family and I don’t think I can wait.” You admit a little sheepishly.
Bucky looks down at the box with a soft smile. “Just let me get one of your gifts.” He sits it down on the comforter before crawling out of the bed and moving to his suitcase. He picks up a small box, wrapped in the same gift paper his is because he had stolen your roll, and smiles up at you.
He hands it over and the two of you just stare at each other with bright, happy smiles before tearing into the wrapping paper at the same time. Your mouth drops open in shock when you open the box.
A bracelet is staring back at you. A silver band filled with charms that make you smile as you run your fingertips over each one. Your alma mater’s mascot. The Brooklyn Bridge. A bottle of wine. “Buck...” You trail off in awe. “This is beautiful.”
“Sweets.” He says the nickname gently and you look up to watch him pull the watch out of the box with a small smile. “This is...” He flips it over in his hand and his eyes widen when he notices the engraving on the back.
the best lovers start as friends.
“I love you.” He runs a finger of the engraved metal as you whisper softly, “I... I’ve loved you for so long, Buck, and having your love in return is unlike anything I could have imagined.”
Bucky drops the watch on the bed between you as he reaches across to pull you into a bruising kiss. You drop your own gift onto the bed and reach up to rest a hand on his chest.
“I love you.” Bucky pulls away to whisper the words. “I love you. I love you. I love you.” He punctuates each sentence with a kiss to your skin. You giggle softly as he moves towards you and his hand settles on your waist.
“I have something else for you.” You pull away to remove the bracelet and watch from the bed. Bucky watches as you move so you’re on your knees with intrigued eyes. You smile coyly as you move to pull his shirt over your head.
Bucky lets out a low moan as his eyes trail over your body, covered in dark green lace. “What’s this?” His fingers come up to trace over the lace and leave goosebumps in their wake.
“Your second gift.” You murmur breathlessly as he fingers drift lower and lower. Bucky smirks as he leans towards you and presses a kiss to your neck, then across your collar bone until he’s trailing kisses down the valley of your breasts.
He pulls away after a moment and looks up at you questioningly. “Are you sure?”
You smile down at him and wrap your arms around his shoulders. “I wouldn’t have dropped this much money on lingerie if I wasn’t sure.” His arms wrap tightly around your waist as he pulls your body flush against his.
“What did I do to deserve a gift like this?” He looks up at you with a bright smile. You run a hand through his hair. “Love me.” You answer genuinely. Red dusts Bucky’s cheeks at your words as you lean in to kiss him.
You shift so you’re straddling Bucky’s lap. “Gonna fuck me?” You murmur in question against his lips. Bucky moans against you and his hips buck up involuntarily. His hand drops from your waist to your thigh and he trails his fingertips up.
“You look so pretty, sweets.” He smirks up at you as his hand pushes the lace aside. He runs the tip of his index finger over your wet folds and you push down already wanting more from him. “Patience, sweetheart. Let me take you in. I wanna enjoy my gift.”
You moan as he begins to rub slowly against your clit. “Want you to ride my thigh first, sweets.” Bucky shifts you so your legs are straddled over his left thigh.
You moan as your clit rubs against his thigh. You pull at the waist band and his sweatpants and he helps you pull them off of his legs before situating your body back over him. “Fuck.” You let out a deep sigh as his hands land on your hips.
His eyes are dark and pupils blown as he stares at you above him. Bucky’s already hard, you can see his dick straining against his briefs. He doesn’t do more than lightly guide you by the hands on your hips, but his eyes watching you intently as you moan is enough to make your stomach twist in pleasure.
“Fuck, James.” He groans as his first name tumbles out of your mouth in a breathy moan. “You look so pretty on my thigh, sweetheart. I love watching you.”
He leans forward then, to press kisses across your breasts as you move back and forth against him. “Feels so good.” One of your hands twists in his hair and Bucky moans against your skin.
You move faster against him as you feel yourself get wetter. You moan his name like a mantra as Bucky’s hands grip you tighter and tighter.
Bucky’s hands force you to a stop. You whine at the lost of pleasure, but it’s not long before Bucky has you flipped so you’re laying on your back beneath him.
“Gonna fuck you, is that okay sweets?” He leans back to pull his shirt off and you nod hastily as your hands come up to pull at his briefs. It’s not long before you’re bare underneath him, the lace garments discarded to the floor of his bedroom.
“Gotta be quiet.” He runs his tip over you folds in a teasing manner that almost makes you moan out. Instinctively, your hips buck up with a quiet whine. His hand comes up to cover your mouth. “Don’t want Becca to hear. She’s just down the hall, sweets.”
It’s a warning and it makes heat spread through you. You’re not sure if it’s the idea that you could get caught in his childhood bedroom or the way Bucky’s voice deepens, but it makes you tired of waiting. “Please.” Your beg is muffled by his hand, but he hears it. He doesn’t wait any longer, he pushes himself all the way in and you both let out relieved moans at the feeling. “Fuck. Fuck. You always feel so good, baby.”
Your back arches into his body as he begins fucking you at a slow pace. When he seems satisfied that you won’t make too much noise, his hand moves from your mouth he rests his forearm on the pillow beside your head. “James.” It’s a whispered moan that makes his hips stutter. “Faster. Please. I’ll be quiet.” You promise, your legs wrapping around him. Bucky leans down to press a bruising kiss to your lips as he fucks into you faster. You moan into his mouth as pleasure rushes through you.
There’s something extremely intimate about the way he fucks into you, one hand holding onto your hip and another resting beside your head. It’s love, you realize when he pulls back to look at you with soft eyes. It does something to you, makes want rush through your veins and pulls the air from your lungs. “I love you.” You whisper into the space between you two, Bucky still pushing in and out of you.
“I love you.” His eyes slide shut and his head falls to nuzzle into your neck. “You look at me like that again I’m not gonna last, sweets.” He press a gentle kiss to your neck before beginning to suck harshly. You’re sure there will be a mark there tomorrow that you’ll never live down, but you can’t bring yourself to care when his tongue runs over the mark and your stomach clenches in excitement.
“Fuck. I’m so close, Bucky, please. I- I need-“ His hand is reaching between your bodies before you can spit the sentence out. His finger rubs against your clit as he quickens his pace. “Yes. Yes.” You moan, and you can immediately tell it’s too loud when Bucky freezes. “I’m sorry. I’m sorry.” You mutter, so close and desperate for him to resume his pace.
“I know, I’m close too, but we can’t wake the house up.” You throw your head back and bite down hard enough to draw blood when he resumes his movements. He’s rubbing at your already sensitive clit and fucking you quickly, it’s all too much as your stomach tightens in pleasure. “Yeah. I can feel you, baby. Come for me, please. I need to feel you.” His tone is deep and possessive in your ear.
When he slams into you hard, your orgasm washes over you. Your mouth opens in a moan that Bucky catches with a messy kiss. You can feel his hips stutter against you as he reaches his own high and releases into you.
The two of you stay like that for a moment, just breathing with each other. “Merry Christmas.” You laugh softly as Bucky pulls out and moves to grab a towel from his desk chair.
Bucky smiles as he comes to lay beside you again and wipes gently at your thighs. He pulls the comforter up so it’s wrapped around both of you again and pulls you so your head rests against his chest. “Merry Christmas.” He whispers in return.
You glance out the window and find that it’s snowing again. You’ll probably be snowed in for the next few days, but you don’t really mind, not with Bucky here and in your arms the way you’ve always wanted.
》* 。 • ˚ ˚ ˛ ˚ ˛ • 。* 。° 。* 。 • ˚《
notes // this took weeks to finish and i truly hope whoever reads it through enjoys it!
my writing is free & will remain free. if you enjoy it and you have the resources, consider donating to my ko-fi :)
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Safe and sound
Bucky Barnes x Reader
Summary: Bucky has a little calm after a storm.
A/N: I suck at summaries, oh my god, I'm sorry. Anyway, this is set at the beginning of ep 5 of tfatws right after their fight with Walker.
Bucky's body felt heavy, he moved his feet through the streets like it pained him to walk, and in a certain way, it did.
He knew that there were countless bruises already forming all over his body, all his limbs ached with the slightest of movements. The people on the street threw him a curious glare every now and then given the cuts and red and purple bruises on his face.
But he tried to keep his mind off of it, and off the pain he was feeling. Bucky tried to think of the person that waited for him back at Zemo's safe house.
Y/N paced back and forth in the living room, she was nervous. She had obviously already seen the videos of what John Walker did, the sight of the bloody shield made her sick.
She heard the door opening and her eyes shot straight to it. When she recognized Bucky walking in, a huge breath of relief left her lungs. But a concerned and disapproving look made its way to her face as soon as she saw the damn state that Bucky was in.
"I knew it, I knew you guys would go after him" Y/N walked up to the man, one of her hands coming straight up to his cheek to hold his face in place as she examined his injuries from up close.
Bucky opened his mouth to answer her, but her unexpected touch made his words get stuck on his throat. So tender.
"I saw what happened, there are videos all over the internet. Where's Sam?" Her worried eyes roamed all over Bucky's face, and after slightly shaking her head in a way that clearly stated she didn't like what she saw, Y/N made her way to the fridge to grab some cubes of ice.
"He left already. I... Came to get you" Bucky's voice held an uncharacteristic shyness to it, he took small steps towards the same direction Y/N walked to.
After wrapping a couple of ice cubes in a piece of cloth, Y/N motioned for Bucky to sit on the couch. He quietly obliged and she sat close beside him.
"Did you guys get it? The shield I mean" her words were soft as she brought the ice up to his bruised cheek and held it there. Looking at Bucky with an emotion he couldn't quite read.
"We did" Bucky let out a sigh and lowered his eyes, all that happened in the last few days finally taking its toll on him. He was tired.
Y/N was silent for a moment before she put aside the ice on her hands. "You did the right thing. And, I'm sorry for what he did..." She looked at the way Bucky pursed his lips slightly at her words but still refused to look up. "... For the way he tainted the shield's legacy like that. But Bucky, look at the state of you"
The frustrating way those last words left Y/N's mouth made Bucky finally raise his eyes to look at her. And oh, her eyes held such emotion it almost made him choke.
"You're hurt. And I can tell there are bruises all over you because you're walking like you've been hit by a truck. You've gotta stop getting into fights without caring about how you're getting out of them..." Y/N rambled on and on about her concerns and Bucky's recklessness.
And Bucky listened, he did. Well, partially. Because he was looking into those bright eyes of hers, and they were so captivating. He was feeling the way that Y/N absentmindedly clutched the fabric of his shirt near his hand, keeping him there with her. He was blown away by the genuine concern on her features.
He listened, but the only words that Bucky really took in were:
'I was worried'
Those words made him feel warm. Important. Like, if he died, she would feel it. Like he wasn't alone in this world. They made him feel loved.
And he couldn't remember the last time he felt that, the thought of it made his eyes water slightly.
A sudden silence made Bucky snap out of his thoughts. His eyes focused again and he sat up straighter.
"Are you even listening? You look like you're miles away" Y/N sighed and moved the hand that was holding onto Bucky's shirt up to his head, she tenderly traced the line of his jaw, smiling a little when his eyes closed at her touch.
A gentle smile appeared on his lips as well. "You care" he knew his words were unsure and even if he said it like a statement, it sounded more like a desperate question.
Y/N's hand found its way up to Bucky's hair, she gingerly ran her fingers through his locks and automatically pulled his head towards her. "Of course I do" he gravitated towards her eagerly, like he always did. His head rested on her shoulder as she closed her arms securely around him for a hug.
"You know that" her words were just a whisper in his ear now.
Bucky buried his head on her neck, drowning in her scent as he hugged her back just as tight. She had that gift, he realized, to calm him, to make him feel safe and better after the worst of days.
To make him feel loved.
"I can't lose you, you know. Promise you'll be careful?"
Y/N's quiet words were the last straw for a tear to escape Bucky's eyes. He kissed the soft spot between her shoulder and her neck. "Promise".
He loved her too.
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okay I send a mini request?
Can it be please like in a new relationship with Bucky Barnes (like when the reader & him first start to date?) and she notices how touched starved he is - and maybe when she goes to touch him (in a non sexual way, like maybe she goes to take his hand or rubs his back??) he flinches at first? But soon realises that not everyone who touches him is gonna hurt him? 🥺 thats just what I’m thinking about this afternoon 😭
I hope this inspired something! Hope you have a lovely weekend :)
Thank you so much for requesting this. I loved the idea so much. It's a little different from what you suggested but I hope you still like it!
Pairing: Bucky Barnes x Reader
Word Count: 5k
Warnings: Not beta read, a whole lot of fluff, talks of anxiety and anxiety attack but it doesn't go into details.
This is my first request ever and I hope I did good. Feel free to send me more requests, I had so much fun writing this.
When Steve first mentioned that Bucky would soon join them at the new house, everybody got a little wiry. The Winter Soldier’s reputation preceded him everywhere he went, his past was far from being a secret, whether you were an avenger or not.
You had gotten pretty close to Steve after you joined the team. Everyone had welcomed you with open arms and you had nothing to complain about, but Steve always went the extra mile. When you first moved in, he always made sure you were included in their group activities, if no one wanted to train with you he would always volunteer quickly so you wouldn’t feel like an outsider. The team had been together for a very long time before your arrival and it was never easy to let anyone in and to trust them, especially in life or death situations.
Steve had even made sure that your room was on the same floor as his so you’d know you always had someone you trusted around. He treated you like his baby sister and you loved it. He told you all about his life pre-serum and post-serum, telling you everything about his history with Bucky, never calling him once by the name Hydra had given him. You had heard so much about Bucky that you felt like you already knew him. You got excited when Steve told everyone he was going to join the team, from all the stories you had heard from Steve, he was definitely someone you wanted to have watching your back and to have as a friend.
Steve walked in first to make sure that not everyone was waiting for them, like he had asked, as to not overwhelm Bucky as soon as he stepped inside. No one was really looking forward to meeting him, anyway. When he saw that the coast was clear, he gestured for Bucky to come in.
You had been reading in the other room, close to the front door, when you heard the door open, some shuffling and the door close. You stood up from the couch, securing your bookmark in between two pages before closing your book and holding it close to your chest as you walked over, grinning at Steve.
You looked around, not seeing Bucky anywhere. You frowned. You took a few steps towards Steve to hug him and that’s when you saw him, standing behind his best friend. Almost hiding.
You gave your friend a big hug before smiling at Bucky.
Bucky nodded towards you, not saying a word and avoiding eye contact. He looked at the book you were holding and focused on it instead of you. You kept your eyes on him for a few moments, looking at his face and how exhausted he looked. Not only physically but emotionally and mentally. You wanted to hug him so badly, tell him that he’s finally safe but you didn’t. You knew it would take some time before Bucky warmed up to you, and you were willing to wait.
After that day, you weren’t hanging out with Steve as much as you used to do. You didn’t want to force his best friend to be around you, and Steve was the only person he knew and trusted so of course they were always together. You spent most of your days training at the gym or reading in your room, leaving the door open almost hoping someone would come over and talk to you but without Steve, you were always alone.
You were surprised when one day, as you were reading yet again, Steve knocked on your door before walking in, Bucky following right behind him. The soldier gave you a small nod before walking over to your book shelf and looking at every book you owned. Making a mental list of the ones he would to borrow one day.
Steve sat down next to you on your bed and wrapped his right arm around your shoulders, hugging you.
‘’Hi.’’ He grinned down at you.
‘’Hey, stranger.’’ You smiled, hugging him back.
He held you close to his chest, your head on his shoulder as you played with his fingers.
You were a very anxious person, always worrying about something or overthinking situations that happened long ago or could happen in the future, near or far. Steve picked up on it really quickly after meeting you. He did some research on anxiety and read somewhere that hugging anxious people helped calm them down, if they were ok with being touched. The next time he saw you, he told you everything he had learned about the subject. It touched you that someone had taken the time to look up ways to help you and to better understand you. You told him that you had read the same thing but you didn’t know if it worked with you because no one ever hugged you.
The next time he saw you getting anxious, he walked slowly towards you and held his arms open, giving you the choice whether you wanted to be touched or not at this moment. You didn’t hesitate before walking into his opened arms, wrapping your own around his torso and closing your eyes, resting your head on his chest. He hugged you so tightly, it was almost difficult to breathe but for some reason it only made you feel safer. From that moment on, he was always hugging you or holding your hands to ground you. The heroes living with them had gotten used to it but Bucky was surprised when he turned around to see you all over each other.
He noticed how relaxed you both looked, how at peace you seemed to be and he almost asked you to hug him in the same way but instead looked away, staring out the window. The thought of you touching him made his heart flutter while terrifying him at the same time. When strangers touch him, it never ends well for Bucky. Afterthe super soldiers left your room that night, Bucky asked Steve if you were his girlfriend and when Steve said no, he asked why he was holding you as ifyou were, that’s when he told him about your anxiety and that it was one of the ways he had found to ground you toreality when your mind started to go into the big, black hole that made you lose touch with your rationality.
Bucky spent the entire night reading about it on the internet, a tool he had found useful ever since he had ran away from Hydra, surprised to see that there were actual scientific researches about the whole thing. He thought about all the nights he had spent awake and terrified to go to sleep because of the things he would see once he closed his eyes, wondering if he had someone to hug would make him feel better. If he had you to hug. Without even knowing why, he realized that he had never craved someone’s touch more than he did yours. Maybe together you could help the other one heal but first he had to get over his fear of people touching him.
He decided to start small. Steve had told him multiple times that you weren’t scared of him but he wasn’t completely convinced, he was careful to not give you any reason to actually fear him.
Bucky joined yours and Steve’s conversations more often, not talking much but still participating. The first time you heard him laugh at something Steve had said, you thought your heart was literally going to melt in your chest. His eyes had lit up, the little creases around his eyes deepened and you swore in this moment you’d do anything to hear him laugh again.
After a while, you started to notice that Bucky was opening up to you more every day. You were happy about it; and scared you might do something wrong and make him shut you out like he did the rest of the people living with you.
A few weeks later, he started seeking you out on his own. Steve was gone on a mission for Fury, Bucky panicked, it’ll be the first time Steve would leave him on his own since he was brought to the house. Steve had told him that he’ll be okay, he wasn’t really alone. You were there, he could trust you. Then, it dawned on him. He was finally be able to spend time alone with you, without having to ask Steve and explain why he wanted to be alone with you. Panic was quickly replaced by excitement.
You were in your room, sitting at your desk for once, looking at videos Steve had been sending you during his flight. You rolled your eyes every time you received a new link. The poor man thought he had just discovered all the hidden gems of the internet and you didn’t have the heart to tell him these videos had been going around for years. You were about to write back to him when you heard a small knock on your opened door. You almost jumped at the sound, no one ever came around when Steve was gone, you weren’t expecting anyone. You turned around in your chair and couldn’t stop the grin that spread on your face.
‘’Come in, James. You don’t need to knock.’’ You waved for him to come in.
His knees almost buckled under his weight every time you said his name. He had always hated it when people called him James but when you do, it had such an effect on him that he was sure he’d be ready to do anything for you as long as you kept calling him James. He cursed at himself in his head, he used to be so smooth. One tiny smirk and girls would line up to go out with him. He always knew what to say, how to make the girls blush. Now here he was, not being able to make a sound while blushing, just because you smiled at him and called him by his name.
He cleared his throat before talking, not trusting his voice after his little moment of weakness. He gave you a small smile and pointed his thumb over his shoulder, at your book shelf.
‘’I was- I was wondering if I could maybe borrow a book? I promise I’ll bring it back. It can be anything.. even if there’s some pages missing or somethin’..’’ He bit his lower lip to shut himself up, rambling too much for his own taste. You don’t think you had heard him say that many words in a row before and you tried to ignore the little butterflies that erupted in your stomach, all just from hearing the sound of his voice.
You brought a hand to your chest, pretending to be offended. Bucky opened his eyes wide when he saw your expression and cursed at himself, once again. Of course you wouldn’t want to lend him anything, he thought. It was stupid of him to even ask. Why would you trust him with anything? After everything he’s done, he’s surprised you even felt comfortable having him in your room.
‘’You think that I-’’ You paused dramatically. ‘’I have books with pages missing? Mr. Barnes.’’ You shook your head before continuing. ‘’I thought you knew me better than this.’’
He looked at you for a few seconds before laughing. It was definitely not the answer he was expecting. He was full on laughing, like he had done with Steve a few days ago, and you were glad you were still sitting because your knees went weak, once again, at the sound.
You had made Bucky Barnes laugh.
‘’Sorry doll, won’t make that mistake again.’’ He told you once he had stopped laughing.
You definitely needed to stay on the chair, your legs couldn’t be trusted around him, the new nickname having the same effect on you as his laugh.
Your cheeks felt hot as a bright pink crept up on your neck, all the way to your ears. Bucky noticed the sudden change of color on your face but didn’t say anything about it. He caught himself thinking about how soft your skin looked and about how much he wanted to brush his fingers on your cheeks.
‘’You can take whichever book you want, just not the one on my nightstand because I’m reading it.’’ You smiled.
It took Bucky about 5 minutes before finally picking a book. Well, actually it had taken him one minute to decide and 4 minutes to try to find an excuse to try and stay with you longer but he couldn’t think of anything. He grabbed the book and turned around, facing you to thank you and started walking out when you called out to him.
‘’Actually, I’d feel better if you read the book in my room. You talking about book missing pages worries me a little.’’ You teased, hoping he would stay with you.
He chuckled and walked back inside, holding both his hands up in surrender, one of them still holding the book. His heart started to beat faster at the simple thought of you wanting him around.
‘’Fair enough.’’ He smiled.
You pointed to the bean bag chair sitting in the corner, close to the book shelf and then to your bed.
‘’You can either sit there or on my bed.’’ Her eyes lit up and he recognized that look. He had seen it hundreds of times on Steve. That’s the look that came before he made a joke about him. ‘’Although, you might be too old to sit in a bean bag chair.’’ You stood up, pretending to look for the tag that had the warnings on it. ‘’How old are you? I think this if for child over 4 and adults under 70.’’
There it is. You had definitely been spending too much time with Steve, he thought before sticking his tongue out at you.
‘’My knees are probably in a better shape than yours.’’ He teased back before sitting on your bed, his back against the headboard.
You chuckled. ‘’Oh, most definitely.’’
You spent the entire day in your room reading while sitting next to Bucky on your bed. Never touching him, but being close enough that you could feel his warmth.
He couldn’t focus on the book at all, his thoughts always going back to how close you were sitting and how if he juststretchedhis hand out a tiny bit, he’d be able to hold your hand or wondering how it would feel to have you all snuggled up against his chest. He was so deep in his thoughts that he didn’t feel you moving your hand towardshis arm. You wanted to read to himsomething in your book that you thoughthe would love and without thinking you reached out to him to get his attention. Before you could even touch him, Bucky flinched so hard you thought he was going to fall off the bed. You brought your hand back to your body, holding it close to your chest.
‘’Bucky, I’m so sorry. I- I wasn’t thinking. I’m sorry.’’
Tears started to blur your vision. You felt bad for not thinking before acting, you were scared that you had crossed a line and that he wouldn’t want to be around you and a small part of you felt sad that he didn’t want you touching him. You closed your eyes and took a deep breath, so the tears wouldn’t fall. You weren’t about to cry in front of Bucky when he was the one that needed comforting.
‘’It’s okay.’’ He reassured you but it wasn’t okay. He was mad at himself for reacting in the way he did, when literally just seconds before all he could think about was feeling your skin against his own.
After what your refer to in your head as ‘’the incident’’, you were very careful to avoid any physical contact with Bucky. Every time you could feel him or his body temperature, you would take a few steps in the opposite direction to put some distance between the two of you.
Something Steve noticed the few days after he had came back from his mission. Bucky seemed almost sad and you well, guilt was clearly eating at you. Steve could tell something had changed while he was away but he didn’t know what. He didn’t ask questions, you would tell him in your own time.
It had been a week since Steve had gotten back from his latest mission and he decided that a movie night was very much needed. He told everyone to be in the living room at 8pm sharp and that everyone had to wear their best Pjs.
‘’Yes Bucky that also includes you.’’ He added before his best friend had even opened his mouth to ask the question. He mumbled something under his breath, something only the other super soldier could hear. Whatever was said, it made Steve roll his eyes and chuckle to himself.
You ate dinner in your room, something that happened quite often, and decided to watch a few episodes of your favorite show while you finished dinner. You completely lost track of time, until FRIDAY’s voice echoed in your room.
‘’Captain Rogers would like to know if, and I quote, you had any intention on joining them in this lifetime?’’
You looked at the clock and cursed, running to the living room. Everyone was already sitting down and were waiting for you. You whispered a small ‘’sorry’’ before looking around to find an empty seat. There was one. Next to Bucky. You felt a little bit of anger towards your teammates for not wanting to sit next to him, it had been over a month since he had moved in, it was time they started warming up to him.
Little did you know that the empty spot next to Bucky had been left empty on purpose. He had been one of the firsts in the living room, he wanted to sit on the small sofa and to not be piled up on the big couch with everyone else. Every time someone had tried sitting down next to him, he glared at them until they sat somewhere else. Even Steve.
Tony almost warned you to not sit next to Bucky, that he didn’t want anyone sitting next to him but stopped himself as you sat down. Everyone was surprised that Bucky hadn’t glared at you, if they looked close enough they could almost see him smiling at you. A light bulb went off in Steve’s head and he smirked, understanding what was happening.
You were nervous to be sitting this close to Bucky, there was absolutely no space for you to move. You tried to stay as still as you possibly could to make sure you weren’t going to touch him by accident.
Bucky was looking at the screen but he wasn’t watching the movie. He noticed how you tried not to move but all he wanted was for you to be close to him, a lot closer than you were right now. He was racking his brain, trying to find a way to let you know what he wanted without having to actually say it out loud. He looked down at your hand that was laying flat on your thigh. The Avengers were way too engrossed in the movie to notice if he decided to reach over to you and held your hand.
He missed his old life. He missed his old self, the man he was wouldn’t be nervous at the idea of holding your hand. Hell, the old Bucky would probably be all over you; holding your hand, hugging you, kissing your cheeks and playing with your hair while you had your head on his shoulder.
You were sitting in a weird position and your butt started to feel numb. You needed to move. Looking at Bucky from the corner of your eye, you took your hands away from your thighs so you could uncross your legs and stretch them. You had been so focus on his face that you never saw his hand that had almost reached yours before you knocked into it as you moved. That also meant you didn’t miss the way Bucky flinched and recoiled, moving moreto his side of the sofa. Your heart tightened in your chest, a selfish part of you was hoping that Bucky would trust you by now.
You stood up so fast that everyone’s attention was on you instead of the screen.
‘’I don’t feel like watching a movie, I’m going to bed.’’ You mumbled before storming out of the living room. Bucky clearly didn’t want you anywhere near him and he should be able to enjoy the movie without having you ruining his night. You were always hiding in your room anyway, no one would miss you.
Steve looked at Bucky as confusion could be read all over his face, he frowned and waited for Bucky to say something but he just shrugged and looked away. From the outside, Bucky looked like he wasn’t fazed but inside, he wanted to explode. He couldn’t believe it happened, again. He didn’t mean to flinch, and hurt your feelings in the process.
The blonde stood up and walked over to your room. He listened for a few seconds to see if you were sleeping and when he heard you moving around, he knocked gently.
‘’Toots?’’ He called out. Steve had called you that once and you had hated it, so of course Steve started using it all the time and you secretly started loving it.
You opened the door and smiled at Steve. ‘’What’s up?’’
‘’Wanna tell me what happened with Buck?’’
You sighed and stepped aside, letting him in and closing the door behind him. You sat down on your bed and shrugged.
‘’I don’t think Bucky likes me that much. I thought we were getting along fine but he keeps flinching whenever I touch him and I totally understand why, with everything that happened to him but I don’t know.’’ You sighed and looked down. ‘’He almost looks disgusted every time I touch him by accident.’’
Steve started laughing, almost uncontrollably, the kind of laugh that would be contagious if it didn’t feel like he was laughing at you. You raised an eyebrow, frowning. You crossed your arms over your chest, hurt.
‘’Are you laughing at me?’’ He stopped laughing almost instantly and he shook his head, walking over to you quickly and sat down besides you.
‘’No. No, absolutely not.’’ He grabbed your hands. ‘’It’s just that Bucky is nervous around you.’’
‘’But why? He looks fine around other people. Did I do something wrong? If I did something he should tell me so I don’t do it again.’’ You pleaded.
‘’I assure you, you didn’t do anything wrong. It’s the opposite. You’ve been nothing but sweet to him and he’s just waiting for the other shoe to drop. He doesn’t think he deserves kindness, from anyone, especially not from you. He’s so used to have people turn on him, he’s expecting the same to happen with you. Not that you would turn on him, but y’know.’’ He squeezed your hands.
You nodded. Of course you knew. Bucky spent the last 70 years being manipulated and tortured by people who claimed they were on his side. You wish you could make him see and understand that he isn’t the Winter Soldier anymore, that what happened was out of his control and that he deserved kindness and love as much as any of them did.
‘’I can’t believe I made this about me.’’ You dropped your head in your hands. ‘’I’m sorry, Steve.’’
‘’Stop it, don’t feel bad. This isn’t a ‘’normal’’ situation. It’s totally understandable for you to be confused. I’ve known Bucky my whole life, I can read him like a book otherwise I’d probably feel the same way you do.’’
‘’I should probably go apologize to him.’’ You started getting up.
‘’Apologize for what? For having feelings and being confused as to how to act because it’s your first time being around a former brain-washed assassin? Toots, there’s nothing to apologize for. It’s human nature, I’m sure he’s not upset with you in any way.’’
He wrapped his hand around your wrist, making you sit back down on your bed. He was right.
There was a small knock at your door, so small you would have thought you had imagined it if it weren’t for Steve turning his head to look at the door.
‘’Come in.’’ You said, sitting back down on your bed.
The door slowly opened, Bucky was standing on the other side of it. He had a sad look on his face.
‘’Is this a bad time?’’ He asked hesitantly.
‘’Not at all.’’ Steve said while getting up. ‘’I was just about to leave. Good night toots.’’ He kissed the top of your head quickly and walked out, closing the door.
Neither of you talked for a long minute before Bucky finally moved and sat at the edge of your bed.
‘’I’m sorry.’’ He said, looking down.
You were surprised by his apology because he had absolutely nothing to apologize for. You moved on your bed, getting closer to him while still keeping some distance between the two of you.
‘’Sorry for what?’’ You sounded confused, and you were.
‘’For flinching.’’ He mumbled, embarrassed.
‘’Oh, James, no.’’ You wanted to comfort him so badly, there was this urge inside of you that screamed to try to take away all of his pain. Without even thinking, you raised one of your hands to his shoulder but stopped yourself before actually touching him.
‘’Don’t.’’ He pleaded, looking at you with pain in his eyes.
‘’I know, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to.’’ You looked down.
‘’No. Don’t stop.’’
‘’Wh- What?’’ You looked up at him.
He didn’t know how to ask. He wanted you to touch him so badly, just to feel your skin on his but saying Please touch me would sound all kind of wrongs. He looked down at your hand and then looked backintoyour eyes, hoping you would understand.
Then something clicked in your mind.
‘’You-... You want me to...?’’ You trailed off, scared to finish your question. What if you’ve been reading this situation all wrong and pushed him even further away, but he nodded.
‘’Please, sweetheart.’’ He pressed, he almost sounded on the verge of begging and he would probably have felt embarrassed if he hadn’t needed you so badly.
‘’Are you sure?’’ You looked in his eyes, the answer written all over of his face. He was more than sure, he had been waiting for this almost since the moment he first saw you.
You raised your hand again and slowly moved it towards him, giving him every opportunity to stop you if he changed his mind. You first thought had been to put your hand on his shoulder, then you saw how he was looking at you and couldn’t stop yourself. Your fingertips gently brushed against his cheek, easing him into it. This time he didn’t flinch and you were so relieved, you could have almost cried.
You wanted to go slow, not wanting to scare him but the moment your fingers touched his skin, he leaned into your touch, nuzzling his cheek closer toyour palm. He closed his eyes and sighed, content. He looked beautiful and you felt like your heart was about to jump out of your chest, it was beating so fast.
You brushed your thumb softly across his cheek a few times and slowly started to let go of his face. His eyes snapped open and he grabbed your hand with his, a small whine rumbling in his chest. You took his hand and smiled.
‘’It’s okay.’’ You whispered, scared that if you spoke up; it would ruin the moment or worse, you would realize this was all a dream and you would wake up.
You let go of his hand, shuffling on your bed until your back was against the headboard. You moved around a little bit, sliding a little further down on the mattress so only your shoulders and head would be held up by the headboard and your back rested on your pillows. You wiggled your legs under the covers and smiled. You extended both arms towards him, making grabby hands and grinning.
He smiled before quickly moving towards you. You lifted the covers so he could get under them, and let them fall on his lower half once he had settled next to you. You let him snuggle against your side, almost halfof his body being on top of yours as he tried not to crush you under his weight. You watched him as he got comfortable. Now that he knew how you felt against his skin, he didn’t want to let go and he was going to be as clingy as you would allow him to be. He had spent over 70 years without being touched in a way that didn’t make his skin crawl, he had over 70 years worth of loving touches to catch up on. He had found someone who wasn't disgusted by who he was and what he had done. For some reasons he didn't understand, you cared about him and actually wanted him in your life. He had found someone who didn't want to hurt him or manipulate him. He found his person.
His flesh arm wrapped around your middle while his vibranium arm snaked under you, wrapping you completely in his arms. He laid his head on your chest and closed his eyes, listening to your heartbeat. Your right hand went to his head, running your fingers through his long hair; over and over again at a soothing pacewhile your left arm wrapped around his shoulders, holding him impossibly closer to you. You closed your eyes and felt your entire body relax.
As you both fell asleep, you knew you weren’t ever letting the other go. You fell into place like two puzzle pieces fitting together perfectly. You had found the missing piece you needed, finally whole.
Dividers were made by @bwbatta full credits to her and her talent.
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I had to come straight onto ur page after watching the recent ep because I know you would write this request so well! You know the scene where Bucky is laying down on the couch watching Sam’s nephews playing with be shield? I could totally see just a tiny baby sleeping on his chest as he relaxes, smiling to himself at the peace of the house while you patter quietly doing something in the kitchen
visits - b.barnes
pairing: bucky barnes x f!reader
summary: you’re on one of your routine visits to see sam and his family (tfatws era)
warnings: literally none just absolute fluff
a/n: oh you are so sweet! thank you for thinking of me🥺 this idea will be living in my head rent free for a while now
masterlist - requests are open :)
You tiptoe carefully through the kitchen so as not to wake your baby girl, asleep on Bucky’s chest as he lounges on the couch. Mixing together some pancake batter, you giggle as you watch Sam’s two nephews play with the shield; Bucky’s gruff voice startles them and they stare at him with wide eyes.
“Quick, put it back!” they whisper-shout at each other, scurrying away, and you smile.
“Alright,” you clap your hands together to catch their attention, “Who wants pancakes?” They eagerly run to you and seat themselves at the table; Bucky chuckles at how much they’ve taken a liking to you since your visits to see Sam and his family have become more frequent.
He basks in the peace of the house, feeling completely and utterly content in a way he never has before. A soft smile graces his features as you lock eyes with him, blowing him a kiss. He admires the way your body moves in a happy little dance as the pancakes sizzle, the sweet aroma of them filling the room. You serve the boys a plate each, drizzled with syrup and they wiggle excitedly in their seats as you slide them across the table.
“Thanks, Y/N.” They both mumble through a large mouthful each. You smile and shake your head, cooking a few more pancakes to add to your pile for Sam, Bucky and Sarah. Washing up and putting everything back in its respective place, you saunter over to Bucky, placing a soft kiss to his lips. You smile at your daughter sprawled across his chest, her face smushed into the fabric of his t-shirt and a steady stream of drool trailing out of her lips.
“God, she’s cute.” you whisper. Bucky hums in agreement.
“Just like her Ma.”
“Oh, you flirt.” you tease; his sweet talking still has the power to fluster you beyond belief, even after being married with a child. He grins, knowing all too well the effect he has on you and you swat at him playfully.
Just as you stand from your crouched position next to Bucky, the baby stirs, a muffled cry escaping her lips. Bucky cradles her gently, sitting up and rocking her in his arms.
“Oh, no. Morning, sleepyhead.” he coos softly, placing a gentle kiss to the top of her head. She quiets down almost instantaneously and you gape at him.
“That one’s definitely a daddy’s girl.” you laugh. She balls a handful of Bucky’s shirt into her tiny fist, babbling quietly and your heart absolutely melts. “Oh my god.” you squeak, your face full of adoration for your husband and baby girl. You lean forward, pressing a firm kiss to Bucky’s lips; as you pull away, you feel a tiny hand grab your nose.
“Well, what are you doing, missy?” you look into her big, blue eyes and she flashes you a toothless grin. “You’re full of trouble, aren’t you?” you ask her in mock seriousness; she shouts incoherently before smashing her face back against Bucky’s chest. “Good talk.” you chuckle, running your fingers through the wispy hair on her head.
As you sit there with your family, you begin to think back on your life - all the pain and the suffering that you and everybody around you had endured, the lives lost and the tears shed - and you’re suddenly overwhelmed with gratitude. This life is everything you’ve ever wanted for yourself, and you’re able to live it with someone who loves you unconditionally, and who you love just as much.
“What are you thinking about, doll?” Bucky asks, snapping you out of your daydream. You smile and lean into his side.
“Just thinking about how lucky I am to have you. And little missy here.” You scrunch your nose up, squishing her cheeks gently.
“And me!” Sam pipes up from the stairs, waltzing over to you.
“Of course.” you laugh. Sam reaches out to the baby, grabbing at her pleadingly.
“Give me my goddaughter, Barnes.” Bucky narrows his eyes at Sam as he hands her over. You can’t contain your laughter at that, wrapping your arms around Bucky and smiling so hard your face nearly splits in two. Sam gazes at her in awe, rocking her back and forth and inadvertently lulling her back to sleep.
“If you have that effect on her all the time, you can keep her.” you snicker.
“It’s because I’m her favourite.”
“Oh, I don’t think so.” Bucky frowns and you snort. “What?” he stares at you accusingly.
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summary: alcohol, heavy amount of nostalgia, and bucky barnes what good could come up from that combination?
warnings: alcohol consumption, toxic relationships, bad relationship with a parent(father), cheating (mentioned), angst, fluff, age gap (bucky in late 30’s reader in mid 20’s) dbf!bucky, pet name(peach), smut, slight-bondage, praise kink, oral. minors dni
a/n: since my love @buckycuddlebuddy was feeling down and she asked me before if i was thinking of writing dbf!bucky soo here it is!
You pressed your champagne glass to your cheek while you watched the two of them dancing in front of you.
A little frown was evident on your face, but sure as hell you were a bit zoned out. Not sure it was because of alcohol or nostalgia, but you were deep in your thoughts until Bucky gently poked you on your exposed shoulder.
You jumped under his touch. "You okay?" He asked, trying not to laugh at your state. You nodded.
"Yeah, sure." You mumbled, raising the champagne glass to your lips drinking the rest of it in one sip.
He was a bit worried about you, he knew you weren't feeling all good about this marriage.
Your mother half-forced you to attend this wedding, your beloved father's wedding, because he asked you to come. Because as much as she insisted, you were his only family.
You bit inside of your cheek when you remembered how your father left the both of you. He thought that the both of you were keeping him from his potential. You remembered how little he supported you in high school, and he was only half there in your college years. A perfect way to treat your only family.
After all that shenanigans you found yourself on the VIP table, on his wedding day. He looked like a different man, his hair was darker, his body was fit. He was smiling as much as you watched him on your old video tapes the one you were playing games with him. It felt so surreal since you could not even believe any of them, if you hadn’t seen them with your own eyes.
"You look beautiful today." You turned your head to look at him. "But I guess you already knew that." He shrugged.
Bucky was a close friend of your dad, the one he met when he started his new life. You barely knew about him, you knew he was your father's gym buddy and a grown up version of a fuckboy. You would have no argue in that, he was too hot for a guy in his age.
Why settle down with a potential like his?
"Thank you Bucky. This is the nicest thing I've heard today." You answered, his hand was on your knee giving you a gentle squeeze.
"Always, peach." He responded as he sat back, watching the dancing couple like you.
He leant closer to you, his figure hovering above yours. "He truly loves you, even though that old sack is really bad at showing it." You giggled at his comment, biting the inside of your cheek. "Why wouldn't he though? You have a heart of a saint, and beauty of a goddess." You could not stop the smile forming on your face with the praise and also the wetness forming on your panties.
Why did he have to say that?
After he saw that you were relaxed, he took to courage to ask you if you wanted to have a dance with him. You shook your head, holding onto his arm that was reached for you; gently accepting his offer.
"I've heard that you were supposed to come here with your boyfriend. What happened?" His hand was placed on the lower of your back, while the other one was holding yours.
"Oh, we broke up almost like a month ago. Dad was never good at catching up, I guess he forgot to inform you. It was mutual." By mutual you meant that he wanted to see your best friend, and you didn't want to see either of them.
"I'm sorry for hearing about that. For what's worth, he is an idiot, no matter what happened." By cheating on you in your place with her. Yeah, he really was an idiot.
"It's okay. I'm glad I didn't come here with him. My dad didn't like him too anyways. And I wouldn't be here dancing with you. You are far better dancer than him. He always stepped on my feet." He chuckled at you. The soft wrinkles formed at the corner of his eye. He really was charismatic, even at that age of his. "I thought that you'd be bringing a girl here." You added, eyes looking away from his.
"Nah, I don't do that serious." You felt a small ache on your chest. For all the women who would probably gave up a toe to do serious with him, and got rejected. "At least I can say I've not met with anyone whom I'd want to do serious with." You nodded, looking at how beautiful he was.
No matter the grey on his subtle or the fluffy hair, or the soft wrinkle at the corner of his eyes. He looked like the most beautiful painting you’ve ever seen.
"Maybe you haven't met the right one, yet?" You asked as he twirled you around pulling you on his chest a bit closer than you were before. His lips were so close to yours, could feel your warm breath on his skin.
"Maybe I have, just couldn’t realize it." He answered, as the song was about to end. He almost whispered it and if the song was even a little bit louder you couldn’t hear it.
"Oh." Was all you could say before you went back to your seats. It was obvious that there was a little bit tension arised. But you tried your best to shrug it off, continuing to chat with him and rest of your father's friends at the table.
It worked, you even chatted with your father's wife. You've been avoiding to have a decent conversation with her since you've heard about engagement. She was polite towards you, even invited you to brunch so you could get to know each other better. You knew that you had to at least give her a chance. So you were eager to have it, as much as you could be. Also with the amount of champagne you've consumed, you would even go to war with her.
"It's really nice of you to come to the wedding darling." Your father admitted, hands inside the pockets of his pants. "I know this is a bit much for you, but still... I'm glad to see you on the happiest day of my life." And there it was, once again your father ruined it for you. "She is everything to me, my best girl." He said as he pointed her with his chin, she was now talking with Bucky.
He used to tell you that the day of your birth was the happiest day of his life. You gulped, nodding slowly at his words. "So what you're going to do afterwards. Hope your boyfriend didn't drink that much, one of you supposed to drive."
"No dad, we broke up. I came here on my own, remember?" He shook his head slowly, biting his lower lip. "’So sorry to hear that. Why doesn't Bucky gave you a ride ha? He didn't drink that much, and you live close as far as I remember. Let me talk with him alright." He said, raising his hands to tell you stay where you were.
Your shoulders dropped, sure he knew how much his friend drank but could not remember you came there alone. Also you and Bucky weren’t living that, what he referred to was your old place. You should have corrected him, but your heart wasn't strong enough to point out another mistake of his.
"Hey, if you're ready I can give you a ride. It's better than taking another cab." You smiled, he even remembered how you came in the first place. "Hey, what's wrong peach?" He asked as he came closer to you, holding your chin up.
You shook your head, softly pushing his hand back. "It's nothing, I'm tired that's all. Also I better call a cab, I live on the other side of the city, don't want to be a burden."
"Nonsense, you're far from a burden to me. If you want you can even crush at my place, have a nice soft bed and I can sleep on the couch."
His proposal was tempting and also you clearly didn't want to spend rest of your night alone. "If you insist." He nodded, wrapping his arm around your shoulder to walk you to his car.
The car ride was silent along the way. He opened a nice chill playlist, and you watched the road for the rest of the night. You pressed your forehead on the glass.
Bucky didn't say anything, just looking at you with the corner of his eye. He knew your father messed things up again, but he was glad to be there for picking up the pieces. If you would let him of course.
"Okay, I showed you all the rooms. What's left is me giving you some comfortable things you can sleep in it." He explained as he opened the door of his closet, while you observed his room. It was plain and simple, a bed with white sheets. Some weights next to his bed, and light-colored wooden closets.
"These should work." You shifted your gaze from the closet to his hand holding folded clothes.
"Thank you so much Bucky, you didn't have to do all of this." You were sincere as you picked the clothes and headed to the bathroom.
"Don't be silly." He shrugged giving you a spare hanger. "You can hang your dress with this." You were almost going to thank him again but he shushed you with raising a finger. "I don't want to hear another thank you again for the rest of the night young lady. Just go inside and change." He said as he headed towards the living room.
His clothes were a bit loose on you and you had to double knot the basket shorts so they would not fall down. But still it was loose, you didn’t made the knot properly.
When you joined him in the living room he had to gulp to his sight, feeling his throat dry. You looked so good in his clothes that he could his cock twitch to the sight. "How do I look, like a fifteen year old girl who wore his dad's clothes to the gym?" You chuckled to yourself looking at him.
He rolled his eyes, signalling you to come closer so he could fix the knot you were still working with. "You look..." He said as he tightened the not, letting the fabric squeeze your waist as you gasped with his action. "like a delight." He said as he finished the knot with a small bow. Hooking his fingers in both sides of it, so it would loosen around your waist without knot got loosen.
"And if you were a fifteen year old girl, I'll be doomed with the thoughts I have about you." He said, hands going to the both sides of your waist, pulling you to his lap. "You are too hot to make anyone assume that you're fifteen, peach."
"Bucky..." You tried to warn him, but still sitting down to straddle his thigh. He leaned in, hands going inside of the loose tshirt of his. You could feel your breath leave your lungs as his hands touched your skin.
"We have talked about this." You tried to stop him but his hands were moving further, holding your breasts. You pressed yourself on his thigh, feeling the wetness forming around again.
"I know you want me, peach. Like you wanted me then." He said as he squeezed your breasts, earning a soft moan fell from your lips. He raised his head, face too close to yours, lips parted.
You closed your eyes to the memory of two weeks ago, in which you ran into Bucky at a bar. The events in between were a bit blurry, but you remember that finding yourself in the one person toilet with him. He had his hand buried between your legs, making you cum over and over until his name was all left your mouth. You were too dizzy to count your orgasms after three. You both were drunk, and needy. Just like this time.
"If you want me to stop, then I will." He said as he pulled you closer to him, still not kissing you.
You shook your head, started grinding yourself on his clothed thigh. Giving yourself the pleasure you desperately needed. He chuckled at your state, hand snaked to the back of your head, pulling down your hair to make you look at him in the eye. "Tell me to stop, peach. Otherwise I won't be able to stop myself." He admitted, chest raising up and down with your movements. You could see his bulge forming in his trousers.
You looked into his eyes again, they were darkened by lust. His lips so close to yours, less than an half inch. You knew he was forcing himself not to kiss you.
"Don't stop." You said in a breath. His other hand went to your hips pulling you closer as your chest smashed onto his. Before you could understand he crashed his lips on yours, kissing you with everything he got. You started grinding yourself on his bulge, close to an orgasm.
"Fuck! You didn't wear any panties, did you? I can feel your wetness." He said as his hand cupped your front, pressing his thumb on your clit. You moaned with the contact, pressing your body more onto his hand. "My needy little girl." He said as he started kissing your neck, while you were still moving your hips. Moving at each time as his fingertip brushed your swollen clit.
He leaned in teeth nibbling the shell of your ear. "You've been a tease enough, it's about time to give you something you wanted." He whispered, you shivered at his words.
Before he could take you at the bar, both are too drunk and horny to take off any piece of clothing, your phone rang. An important one which ended up you leaving Bucky all hot and bothered.
"I'm not going to let you leave this time." He whispered as he stood up, taking off his shirt and tie. You gulped with the sight, the defined muscles of his arms, and his toned chest. He had the first lines of a six pack. He was too good to be true.
Your thoughts disrupted when he placed the his tie next to his knees, you could feel your excitement grew.
"I thought you'd sleep on the couch and I'd get the bed." You giggled as you watched his hands pull your his tshirt up, so he could untie the knot he did only two minutes ago. He raised his head, looking at you with a smirk on his face.
"We both knew that I meant I'll fuck you on both of them." He answered. "And I will." He said almost ripping the shorts off of your body, smiling at the fact that you indeed weren't wearing any panties.
"Fuck! That's a sight." He said, separating your legs leaning close to your wet folds. Kissing the inside of your thighs, his stubble scratching your soft skin along the kisses. You knew he was being a tease, getting revenge of the time you spent in the bar.
You had to leave him right there with a hard cock, and half open shirt.
He continued to kiss you, moving slowly to your core until you raised your hips. "Please." You begged hands going to his hair until he stopped you, he looked firm.
You were in trouble.
"No touching." He chuckled, reaching to his tie to tie both of your wrists. "That night had its consequences, peach. I've been jacking of, imagining what will I do to you when I'll have you all to myself again." He explained as he tied the knot, making it a bow again.
You could not stop feeling a bit proud to find out he was not different than you. You had to recharge your vibrator in every three nights since that day.
He made you sit down on his L shaped couch. His head was dipped between your legs, raising both of them above his shoulders devouring you. He was sucking you like a beast having a feast. The echo of his slurping echoing on his pale walls.
"Bucky! Please!" You begged with a scream. You tried to pull yourself away from the intense pleasure, but he was holding you tightly on his face. You could even say he was pulling you even closer to his face, choking himself between your thighs.
"What do you want peach? Tell me." He said as he raised his head, tongue still licking your slit up and down.
"I want you to fuck me, Bucky please." You blurted out, too deep in the pleasure he was giving you.
"If you want so." He said as he rose to his feet. Taking off his belt and pants, showing you his hard cock. Your mouth watered at the sight. You knew you were watching him pump himself with your mouth hung open, almost on the edge of drooling. He chuckled with the idea popped into his head.
"Do you want it, peach?" You finally tore your eyes from his cock, looking at him with pleading eyes; nodding. "Then why don't you show me, how much of a good girl you are and deserve to come." He held your head gently by the back of your head. Slowly pushing into your open mouth.
"Fuck, you have a nice mouth here peach." He said as he started moving his hips. He was bigger than what you were used to, if anyone could get used to his size. He threw his back to the pleasure, your eyes were watered as he was hitting the back of your throat. You were gagging around his cock, trying to breathe through your nose as much as possible. It hurt like hell, but seeing him moaning and groaning felt like heaven.
Your put your hands to your front. Letting him use you for his own pleasure, like a good girl. His chest was panting, and his grasp on your hair tightened when he emptied himself inside your mouth. Making you swallow all of him before pulling out. You coughed when he pulled out, he held you close. "Fuck!" He groaned, his cock getting hard again with your ruined sight. Mascara ruined and hair messed up, lipstick smudged.
And he barely started.
"Hmm. Maybe I should reward you, for being my good girl and perfectly staying still." He kissed your cheek, helping you rise back to your feet before making you lie over the couch.
“Please fuck me, please.” You begged again, knowing nothing could be better than feeling him inside of you.
He lifted your tshirt to reveal your wetness. "You're dripping onto my couch." He said in amaze, settling between your legs. He rubbed his tip between your folds, hands holding yours at the top of your head. Keeping you in place, caging you under him.
He was smearing your wetness around and rubbing his tip on your clit. Making you a whimpering mess under his huge body. Before you could open your mouth to beg him one more time, he pushed himself inside you. You both moaned into each others lips, you raised your head slightly, kissing his cheek. His dog tags were on your clothed chest, dangling.
"Shit! You feel so nice peaches" He groaned, his brows frowned mouth parted as he slowly moved inside of you.
“Fuck! Bucky you’re so big.” You protested, arching your back at the feeling.
“Yeah? You like it don’t you?” He chuckled darkly, looking down to see your figure under him. “You like how I fuck you.” He fastened, making you cry out as he stretched you out. Getting deeper at each stroke.
“Y-yes, I love how you fuck me Bucky." You wriggled your wrists, aching to touch him. His fingers laced with yours, holding you tightly in his place as he was fucking you. You raised your hips, allowing him to reach deeper, wrapping one of your legs around his waist.
The air around you felt tense, your chest felt heavy as you felt the droplets of sweat form on your forehead. He raised your tshirt, giving him a nice view of your breasts before leaning down to suck one of your nipples.
You gasped when you felt the warmth of his mouth on one of them, the other one was pinched. You moaned at the sweet pain, throwing your head back. "You know why I didn't take off my tshirt?" He asked as he released your nipple, moving to the next one.
You shook your head, hadn’t bothered by its presence yet. It smelled like him, faintly. "Because tomorrow it'll smell more like you than me." He smirked, tongue playing with the swollen bulb.
You couldn’t help but smile at his confession, wanting nothing but to kiss him right there. You tried to move your hands again. The need of touching him was intense, even though you really enjoyed being tied up. “B—Bucky. Please!” You begged. “I just want to touch you, please. I’ll be your good girl.” You let it out, chest panting.
He cocked his head, eyes sparkling at the sight in front of him. “Hmm, my good girl ha?” He nodded, clicking his tongue before untying the knot. Your hands went to his fluffy hair, pulling him closer for a deep kiss.
You moaned into the kiss, feeling his soft locks between his fingers. You tightened your legs around his waist, pulling him closer. His hand snaked between your messy bodies, holding you tightly by your throat.
You gasped, his lips were still moving on yours. You could feel the tension grew; you were so close. You opened your mouth, letting his tongue dance on yours, sucking the breath from your lungs. It felt so good, your mind was dizzy from all the fucking and his fingers around your throat, not too tight but not loose either.
You found yourself coming with your back arching, body trembling with the intense wave of pleasure as he finally broke the kiss. “Fuck, you look so good when you come around me, peach.” He whispered, lips slightly open and eyelids half closed from the pleasure.
“Come for me Bucky...” You whispered, “I want you to come inside me.” You added, feeling his hips stutter to your words, he got faster. You closed your eyes, fingers still around your throat.
“F—fuck!” He groaned, filling you up with his warm sticky cum.
He slowly pulled himself out, body wrapped around yours. He kissed you again, a bit slower as he licked the inside of your mouth. Holding your sweaty body close to his. “I’m not letting you go tonight.” He whispered to your ear, before kissing the shell of it.
You whimpered under him. “Good because I have no intention to do so.” A soft chuckle leaving your lips, wrapping your arms around his neck to pull him in for another kiss.
For the first time in a long time, it felt good to be in someone’s arms. You knew it won’t end good, probably chaotic but right then it felt heavenly to have him.
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Champagne & Sunshine - Bucky Barnes x Reader
Summary: Since the day that you and Bucky confessed your feelings for one another. You both can’t keep your hands to yourselves.
Word Count: 3875
Warnings: Right off the bat smut, things occur in the hot hub, unprotected sex, [nicknames: good girl, bunny] cream pie, teasing, nipple play, uuhhh let me know if I'm missing anything.
Author’s Note: It's been a hot minute that I've written any sort of smut, but gosh it feels good to be back after a while.
reblogs/feedback/likes are greatly appreciated & highly encouraged! But please, DO NOT repost/steal ANY of my fics!
Bucky groaned quietly into your ear as he rocked his hips against yours in a slow head motion that made your entire body get filled with chills from head to toe. You hooked your legs over his hips, pulling him closer to your body every chance you could. With every thrust he would make, you would dig your nails dipper onto his back, leaving scratches on him.
His lips pressed against yours, tongue slipping past your lips, dominating each of your senses. You whine into his kiss, letting him that you are nearly close to your peak.
Both of you were now close. A small smirk formed on Bucky’s face as his lips were against yours. He found it fascinating the way you trembled underneath him. You both hit your peak at the same time. Shockwaves were going all over your bodies as you moaned each other’s names repeatedly.
He gets off of you and lays right next to you. You both were heavy breathing and trying to get your composer together.
“Wow,” you both said at the same time. Making you both chuckle as well.
Bucky grabs the duvet and pulls them up over your body. You turn to your side placing your head onto Bucky’s chest. “Round Two, Bunny?” Bucky said quietly as his hand traced the curves from your thigh to your stomach.
You rapidly get on top of him. You began to kiss his neck slowly, cooing against his skin.
As you were rocking your hips against his friction, The phone started to ring. You two completely ignored it the first time.
“Fuck” Bucky groaned. It rang a couple of more times. He got rapidly irritated with the number of times they called him. He was annoyed that people were interrupting him and you. But he knew if he ignored it, they would be rushing to his apartment.
Bucky places his hands on your hips, and as much as he wanted you to continue, he shifted your body off him. You laid right next to him. He gets up and hands you his shirt and your lacey panties so you can put them on. He sits down and grabs his phone. He grunts to see that he had seven missed calls from Steve and Tony.
Bucky answers Steve’s call, “what is i-?“ As his back faces towards you, you run your fingers on his back, tracing his skin and his spine.
“Do you know what time it is?” Steve interrupted him. Even though Steve wasn’t on speakerphone, he was loud enough for you to hear him.
“It’s 7 am. What’s wrong with that?” Bucky rolled his eyes and tried not to sound annoyed. He grabs your hand and places your palm facing upwards, and starts to trace the lines of your hands with his metal hand.
“It’s Peter’s Birthday Trip to the cabin today. We are supposed to leave right now.” Steve took a big breath, and he didn’t want to raise his voice anymore if Peter was around. He didn’t want to ruin the surprise.
Bucky’s eyes widen as he checks the date on his phone. He looks at you and notices that you have the same reaction he had. “We will be there in a couple of minutes. We are still packing.” Lucky enough, most of your stuff was at Bucky’s apartment so that packing wouldn’t be so difficult. Either way, we were only going to be staying for a couple of days.
“Yeah, yeah, sure. Tell her I said hi.” Steve proceeds to hang up the call.
As Bucky was getting up, you notice the scratches that you left on his back. His backfilled with red marks and some of them were deep enough. A little bit of blood was coming out. “oops,” you whispered to yourself.
You were loud enough that Bucky could hear. “You should see your thighs, Doll,” he chuckled as he licks his lips, and his eyes were digesting how beautifully you looked without clothes.
Walking into the bathroom, you notice all the hickey’s that Bucky left on your inner thigh “Bucky! How am I going to swim with these?” you yelled at him as you smirked a little. You didn’t want him to know that. In reality, you didn’t care that you had them on you. It just showed who you belonged to, even though it had been clear to everyone.
“Damn, looks like you won’t be going swimming.” You could hear laughter come from the bedroom. “Either way, I don’t want anyone to look at what’s mine.” He said louder as he walked back and forth to the bedroom, grabbing things that he believed you both would need.
You walk out of the bathroom with a small bag full of items such as your and Bucky’s toothbrush, shampoo, anything from the bathroom you thought would be important.
Walking into the bedroom, Bucky already had your bags and his bags already prepared. He dressed up, and all you needed was to grab a pair of pants and shoes.
Walking towards Bucky’s direction, you intentionally bump into him. He grabs your wrist and rapidly turns you towards him. He places his hand on your chin tilting your head a bit upwards. “Bunny, Don’t forget who you belong to. You are mine, as I am yours.” He leaned in and whispered into your ear.
Moving your hair to the other side. Bucky kisses the back of your ear towards your neck. “Bucky, we have to go.” Trying not to lose focus. Every kiss that he gave you made you want to melt in his arms. He made you feel like no other. He gave you those stupid butterflies in your stomach that was in the children’s book.
For the first half of the drive, you were wide awake, observing how beautiful the view was outside of the car window. This wasn’t your first time going to Tony’s Cabin, but you had to go there every time. You didn’t have the chance to look around and view how amazedly it was.
Whenever you would go on road trips with Bucky, he would let you connect your phone to his stereo to blast your favorite songs. He didn’t care what music was planning in the background. No matter what, he was going to end up enjoying it.
You both were only a couple more miles to getting to the Cabin. Bucky wanted to make sure that other people were there, not only you and him being their firsts. He points to his backpack that was on the back of your seat. Bucky turns down the music “Doll, can you grab my phone? It’s my backpack in the front pocket.”
Unbuckling your seat belt, you get up and shift your body in between your seat and Bucky’s seat. You start to look into Bucky’s bag, and you can’t find it. It wasn’t in the front pocket nor the other ones. “I can’t find it.”
“check again it should be in there somewhere.”
“Bucky, I still can’t find it.” You wanted to dump his backpack on the backseats and pick up the mess later. You were getting frustrated that you couldn’t find his phone. While your legs were still on the console. The instant the light turned red, you could feel Bucky reach in between your legs and starts to shuffle around his backpack. Pulling his phone out, he also removes his hand from in between your legs.
What he just did left you startled. At the moment, you wanted to freeze, but you couldn’t. You went back to sitting down. He hands you his phone “call Steve and tell him we are on our way.”
The last couple of miles you had left to drive, you decided to nap, even if it was two more hours. You wanted to take advantage of it.
When you woke up from your nap and noticed that a lake and beautiful trees surrounded it, the grass was green. Everything was so bright and beautiful. If you could pick anywhere to live, it would be right here.
You were still trying to wake up when you notice that Bucky got out of the car and started to walk towards your side to open the door. He grabs your hand as you get out.
Walking towards the porch, you notice Sam and Steve talking. You were unsure what they were talking about, but you probably knew since Peter wasn’t on the lot just yet.
Sam and Steve get up and walk towards you and Bucky. Sam offers a bottle of water to Bucky; meanwhile, Steve hugs you.
“So Buck, can you keep it in your pants for a couple of days?” Steve raises his eyebrow and has a serious look on his face as he crosses his arms. Bucky chokes on the water that he was drinking. Bucky placed his hand over his mouth, trying to cover the smirk he had on his face. He knew damn well that he wasn’t going to and didn’t plan to.
Sam looks over at Steve with a mischievous smile “he does have a point. Peter doesn’t need a live demonstration of Sex Ed.”
That grin Bucky had disappeared instantly and just glared at Steve and Sam. Meanwhile, on the other hand, you could feel your cheeks turn into a rosy color, and you were pulling on the sleeves of your shirt. “weren’t you in Peter’s school teaching videos, 'so your body is changing, believe me, I know how that feels' ” Bucky said in his Steve impression voice.
“You are always going to hold that over my head, aren’t you, Bucky.” Steve rolled his eyes and started to walk into the Cabin. “Stop corrupting her. She was an innocent person before you came into her life.”
Bucky chuckled when he heard him say that you were innocent. Nothing about you was innocent, and that’s something that Bucky liked about you. To him, you were a book full of secrets, and he wanted to know everything about you, from your darkest secrets to your sweetest ones. “I mean, you could hear her when she-“ you hit his lower stomach, making him groan a little at how hard you hit him, “never mind.”
You started to move your bags onto the room that you and Bucky were staying in. But every time that you went for your suitcases, Bucky would grab them out of your hand. He insisted that he would take care of grabbing your things and taking them to the room. He didn’t want you to lift any of your fingers.
It didn’t take long for everyone else to come to the Cabin. Luckily, you and Natasha had an hour to decorate before Peter came. The guys oversaw taking care of the outside decorations. Meanwhile, the girls are in charge of the inside décor.
“How is it dating, Capsicle over there?” you were way too focused on writing a poster for Peter saying ‘happy birthday Pete’ when your focus is disturbed by Natasha going in front of you. She had a smirk on her face and motions her head towards the window, where Bucky and Sam were tackling each other, and Steve had his hand placed on his face and shaking his head.
Looking out of the window, you had a smile on your face. “It’s not so bad. I’m happy with him.” You turn your head facing Nat now. Ever since you got with Bucky, you seemed so much happier, and you glowed on your face.
“We always knew you two were going to end up together. I mean the way you both look at each other. There was always something.” Nat teased you as she grabbed the pen on the table to help you finish the poster.
What she said made you think of all the memories you had shared with Bucky. Looking back at the memories, there were hints that you both liked each other. From the way he would always go above and beyond to make sure you were okay to when he would make you laugh over something dumb. “Yeah. I guess there was.” You chuckled at the statement she said.
The moment that you finished the poster, you were starving. You went to the kitchen to grab yourself something to eat and drink. Going near the cabinet, you stood on your tiptoes, reaching over your head to grab a glass “of course, Stark would keep his cup this high.” You whispered to yourself. You couldn’t help but let out a little gasp as you felt someone place their hand on your waist.
“It’s me, don’t worry,” Bucky said in a deep raspy voice as he reaches over you to grab the cup for you. When he set down the cup, he kissed you on the top of your head. Bucky moved away from you as he walked towards the fridge to pull out the filtered water pitcher. Placing it next to the cup he just got out. “Did Nat give you any trouble?” he asked as he was pouring water into your cup.
You shook your head and rolled your eyes “no, she didn’t, Bucky. I promise you.” You chuckled as you took a sip from the glass of water.
He leans in forward to you. “I have something in surprise for you.” He whispered into your ear as he grabs your hair, putting it on to the side. Tilting your head to the side, you slowly closed your eyes, and a smirk formed on your face. “Before you ask, Doll.” With his metal hand, he places the back of his index finger against your skin, moving it from your shoulder to your neck to tracing your jaw until it got to the other side of your face. With his index finger, he tilts your face towards his direction, making eye contact with you. “I’m not telling you what it is.” He licks his lips as his eyes move up and down your face.
The moment that Peter got there, everyone celebrated his birthday. You and Bucky didn’t spend much time together. That didn’t matter. You knew once the sun was down, your hands were going to be all over him.
Later that day, you receive a text message from Bucky
5:38 pm Meet me by the Lake at 1 am, wear the suit that I packed for you, and don't be late.
When the night arrived, everyone was asleep. You found it odd because everyone would usually stay up late when it came to parties like this. But you knew that tomorrow was going to be a busy day.
Looking inside of your bag, you find the swimsuit that Bucky got for you. It was a two-piece baby blue bikini. Putting it on you, you looked at yourself in the mirror, and you noticed how well it fitted you. You placed your hair in a messy bun and proceeded to grab Bucky's jacket and wrapped yourself in it. It was getting chilly and going outside in a bikini. You knew you were going to be cold.
As you started to walk to the Lake, you feel arms wrap around you. This made you instantly turn around and face Bucky. He leans in and gives you a brief kiss. "Let's go somewhere else." He grabs your hand and starts to pull you towards the cabin once again. But he went around it where there was a hot tub.
The many times you were in that cabin, you never knew that it had a hot tub. So, it took you by surprise when Bucky took you there. He first gets in the hot tub and helps you get in by handing you his hand so you had somewhere to lean on.
Getting into the water, it felt nice feeling the warm hot water against your skin. The first thing you did was splash water at him. Bucky raises his left eyebrow and has a sly smirk on his face as he splashed water towards you. This made you chuckle a little bit. "Doll, be quiet. You don't want us to get caught, do you?" Bucky told you as he moved across the water so he can get closer to you. He was resting his knees at the bottom of the hot tub so he would be at eye level with you.
You shooked your head as you matched the same look Bucky was giving you. "you are going to be the reason why we get caught," you mimicked his voice as you scrunched your nose.
Bucky said nothing. Instead, he grabbed your waist and brought you closer until he was sitting on the other side and you were on his lap. He started at you with a smile on his face as he looked into your eyes. The blue lights of the water made you even glow more than before. After being away from him for hours, craving him all day, now you were able to wrap yourself around him.
You couldn't help yourself but giggle. You felt safe now being in his arms. You wrap your arms around his neck, moving in closer to him, your forehead almost touching his. Bucky tilts his head upwards and moves in closer to you. His lips were pressed against yours, his hands moving from your waist to your ass. He pulls you in closer against him. His tongue was slipping into your mouth, more desperate than usual because it had been all day since he hasn't felt your touch.
You let out a small noise. Your eyebrows were knitted together as you feel him growing hard underneath you. "you know how badly I've been craving to do this to you." He says in a deep raspy voice. His metal hand travels through your body until he goes and finds the hook of your bikini, playfully tugging it. "All fucking day, Bunny." He muttered, his lips moving from towards your neck.
Bucky teased you, licking you from your collarbone to the back of your ear. You nodded at the statement he said. You were craving him as much as he was craving you. You let out a small little noise of pleasure at the way he was holding you, talking to you, and kissing you.
"Then shown me, Bunny. How badly have you been craving this? Cause. I. Don't. Believe. You," he whispered into your ear. Bucky moved the sides of your bikini top, his metal hand going inside the material, exposing your breasts. Your nipples hardened from being exposed to the cold hair. Bucky took this as an opportunity to places his lips around it, tongue running along your skin.
You placed one of your hands on the ledge of the hot tub. Bucky hummed against your skin, sucking your nipple before pulling away. Meanwhile, your other hand went to his neck, gently digging your fingers onto his skin. His hand cupped your breast, and his metal thumb replaced his mouth, running along with the sensitive nipple as his lips move towards your neck "can you be a good girl and stay quiet for me?" You nodded briefly as quietly moaned as he gently pinched your nipple.
Bucky's hand travels from your breast to the material of your bikini. Ripping them on one of the sides. Meanwhile, one of your hands was removing his swim shorts. You could feel his cock against your ass, teasing himself with the feeling. He wanted you to take control of what can happen next. He moves both of his hands onto your hips.
Your heart was pounding. Something about being secretive and not getting caught made you want to get caught. You cautiously raised yourself from his lap, wrapping yourself around Bucky. You moved a couple of times, making it easier to line up along the head of his cock.
Bucky watched you closely, staring at the way you were taking control over him, especially as you sat down on his lap. "fuuuuuc-" he whispered as he wrapped his arms tightly around your waist, placing his mouth against your shoulder to keep him from moaning out loud. Bucky's hand went up to your mouth, covering it in case if you were going to make any sounds. "You are so perfect for me, Bunny." He rambled in your ear, trying his best not to moan at the feelings the way that you were clenching around him.
He then began carefully guiding you up and down on top of him, so he could appreciate how incredible it felt. But he couldn't help himself as he felt your thighs quiver and heard a whine. Bucky began by grabbing your hips and pushing you so that you were bouncing on top of him, absorbing all of him as he stretched you out, hitting all the walls you needed him to strike, especially from his perspective.
Bucky brought his free hand down between your legs as he stated this, effortlessly finding your clit. He started rubbing in slow but rapid circles, his jaw clenching as he noticed how quickly you clenched around him.
His fingers on your clit sent shockwaves through your entire body. With the climax nearing, you let out a muffled whimper against his palm, your rhythm of riding him becoming sloppier.
He stared down at how beautiful you were, your ass bouncing against his legs, and he inadvertently squeezed the grasp on your face, making you gasp in delight. "I'd like for you to cum for me," Bucky asked, his fingers speeding up on your clit, in a trembling voice.
You didn't need to be reminded; you wouldn't have been able to hold it in for much longer regardless. You paid close attention to every aspect. The way he squeezed your face, the feel of his fingers on your clit.
Bucky's brows wrinkled, his lips pursed in concentration as he tried not to gasp out loud at the sensation. Your pulsating muscles were working his cock in the nicest way possible since you were so tight around him. He had no idea what was going on until it was too late. Bucky came inside of you, his free hand pushing your hips down on top of him, keeping you there as he stuffed you with himself. He bit down on your shoulder, muffling to himself.
"Fuck." He muttered, shifting his head away from your shoulder and tilting his head back. His moist chest heaved up and down frantically, attempting to catch his breath. When he took his hand away from your mouth, it instantly went to your waist, bringing you close to him.
You leaned against his chest, your hands on his wrapped-around-you arms. You wanted to stay like this forever.
It was already getting late, and you two needed to wake up early. Walking inside of the cabin, you and Bucky were carefully trying to make any noise. Luckily the room you both were staying in was on the first floor.
The instant that you and Bucky got into the room, you went straight to bed. Tomorrow was going to be a long day for the both of you.
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Y/N : I have several men in rotation. One’s waiting for me out in the car. (Pause) Don’t worry I rolled down the windows.
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Pairing: Bucky Barnes x reader
Warnings: implications of shower smut, teasing, cursing, gender neutral reader
Word Count: 409
A/N: Thank you so much for 400 followers!! Enjoy the spoil-fest!! Here's a quickly little Drabble that was inspired by a reel by @sebstanscashew on Instagram. I hope you guys enjoy! Thank you so much for all the love and support, I appreciate each and every one of you. Feedback is always welcome and strongly encouraged!
Summary: Your secret with Bucky gets revealed after time in the shower together.
(gif not mine!)
Bucky smiled, kissing up to your shoulder and your neck. He could live every day like this, waking up with you, showering with you. Hell, just simply living with you. Bucky loved you immensely, and he'd be damned if you didn't know it. Slowly and teasingly, Bucky pulled himself away from you. He winked at you through the mirror and quickly left the bathroom. He couldn't wipe the smirk off his face, not while he got dressed and not even as he walked out to the living room.
You made him so incredibly happy. It was impossible to act like the brooding soldier he was often addressed as. You were his little secret, none of the Avengers knew about the two of you, not even Steve, and that just made Bucky feel even more thrilled every time he was with you. You were a fellow Avenger and the two of you sneaking around in the tower together... truly exhilarating.
Nat was the first to notice Bucky's presence, looking him up and down before a slightly confused look took over her face, "Why do you smell like that?"
"Like what?" Bucky asked back as he poured himself a glass of water.
"Like..." Nat narrowed her eyes, "Well, definitely not like you."
"She's right," Steve nodded, gaining the attention of more of the Avengers, "You don't smell like you."
Bucky rolled his eyes, sipping his water and leaning back against the counter, "Dunno what you're talking about."
Sam stood up, walking closer to Bucky and taking a dramatic deep breath, "No, no. They're right. You almost smell like--"
Sam's words were cut off as everyone turned to look at you entering the room. You flashed everyone a bright, toothy smile as you walked directly towards Bucky. If your damp hair didn't do enough to give away your's and Bucky's secret, the way you grabbed the glass of water out of Bucky's hand and drank from it surely did. A scowl settled on Bucky's face as you winked at him playfully.
"Excuse me, what?" Tony gasped, causing Bucky to groan.
Bucky shook his head at you, "See what you did, doll?"
"You love me," You teased as you leaned into his side.
Bucky's arm instinctively wrapped around your waist as everyone watched in pure shock. After a moment of silence and everyone staring at Bucky and you, Sam decided to speak up, "Is nobody going to explain what the hell just happened?"
General Taglist: @nowthisisdark @techssexythighs
Marvel Taglist: @katiaw2
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Writers Block Pt. Two
Pairing: Bucky x Reader
Warnings: language, sexual situations, dry humping, lots of teasing, good sport about things Bucky
Word Count: 940
Synopsis: Visuals always help with writing and Bucky’s never been one to say no to helping out.
Writers Block Master List
I've discontinued my tag list, follow me here for all of my writing.
It was afternoon when Bucky found you in the bedroom. Laptop beside you as you sat on the bed with your legs crossed and head tilted at an odd angle and a look of concentration on your face. At first, he thought you were stretching, but you were holding perfectly still. The floor under him squeaked, giving him away.
Your head lifted as you sat up straight, “Hey good timing, Buck.” The exclamation came as you scrambled off the bed grasping his metal hand and pulling him into the bedroom. “I need your help with something.”
“With what exactly,” he inquired, raising one brow.
“I’ve got to work out a scene,” you said matter of factly, taking him over towards the plush chair in the corner. “You’re going to help me real quick.”
“I don't know if this is a good idea, doll,” Bucky said, turning with your hands and plopping back into the plush corner chair. “Last time you needed to work out a scene I ended up giving Sam a black eye on accident.”
You scoffed at the unease in his voice, “Oh, don’t be like that Buck. I promise you’ll like it.” You gave him a bright hopeful smile. “Ready?”
“As I’ll ever be,” he mumbled.
But he wasn't and nothing could have prepared him for what happened next. Your hands took hold of his shoulders, pushing him back against the chair as you straddled his hips. Knees sinking into the soft cushions and pushing his thighs together. He’d gone hard instantly something you seemed to relish in with the way you wiggled and smirked down at him. “Okay,” you said, rolling your hips back. “Now I’m riding you.”
“Yeah you are,” Bucky smirked up at you, his hands reaching up and holding onto your hips.
A breathy laugh left you, “Funny. Okay so I’m riding you, where do your hands go?”
His fingers dimpled into your thighs sliding around to your ass and gripping a little harder, “About like this.”
He had to agree, groaning a little as you rubbed against the bulge in his sweat pants, “Yeah, very comfortable.” Fuck this time was a thousand times better than when he’d wrestled on the floor with Sam for a fake knife.
Blue eyes didn’t miss the way you swallowed hard as his hands trailed higher to just under your breasts, thumb catching on the underwire of your bra. “Alright,” there was a slight tremor in your voice before you cleared it. “This is okay, right? It’s comfortable and practical.”
“Now what if I switch positions?”
“What for,” Bucky husked, hands holding you tight as his hips rolled up against you on instinct.
A gasp broke past your lips and had you rising on your knees, a shiver of pleasure running through you before half-heartedly scolding, “Bucky this is serious!”
“You’re the one straddling me, doll. I know it’s serious.”
Pursing your lips you looked down at him, his eyes trailed up and down your body. Pink tongue wetting his mouth unconsciously before pearly white teeth caught his lower lip, swallowing hard before dark blue eyes flicked up to your own.
“Alright handsome,” you purred, leaning down against him. “Let’s say we’re lovers.”
“We are lovers.”
“Let's say we’re lovers," you repeated, "And I haven’t seen you in five years.” Your hands trailed over his chest, blunt nails digging down his pecks and over a nipple that had him hissing slightly. Leaning down your breath ghosted over his face, lips inches from his own as your thumb brushed over his chin and lower lip. “I’m on top of you just like this, same set up for a room. Same tools at your disposal. What do you do Bucky? What’s your first instinct?”
“Are you asking me how I’d take you,” he rumbled from deep in his chest, the cool metal of his hand sliding up under your shirt.
“No, Bucky,” you admonished. “I’m asking how you’d fuck me.”
Surging forward Bucky captured your lips in a hungry kiss of teeth and tongue, you smiled into it briefly before his hands started rolling your hips against his own. Grinding your clit against the length of his cock before you took over out of instinct. Hips gyrating with little whimpers and mewls falling from your lips as Bucky’s fingers pushed your bra up, cups freeing your breasts before thumb and finger pinched the nipples.
Drawing a hissing breath you broke away, trying in vain to gather your wits as Bucky leaned forward chasing your mouth and pulling you back down. “Bucky I need to write this,” you sighed against his mouth.
“Nothing better than real-life inspiration,” he mumbled against your lips, grunting as your hips rolled against him particularly hard.
“Oh,” you gasped, mouth dropping open when his thumb began rubbing against your clit through the leggings you were wearing. All at once, you became a struggling and whining mess trying in vain to gather your thoughts into a coherent sentence, “But, wh-where…. Oh fuck right there Buck… where d-do we…. shit that feels so good…. go next after this?”
A loud crack sounded as Bucky’s flesh hand came down against the flesh of your ass and he growled, biting his lower lip. “You asking me, or do you want a demonstration, Bunny?”
Biting your lip at the bedroom nickname you couldn’t help the devious smile that pulled at your lips, “Surprise me.”
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a/n: none of my stories contain reader's body descriptions to be inclusive. join my tag list.
𓉶 incorrect bucky quotes.
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you know that 'types of kisses' thing that people do? could you do that with bucky, maybe? 🥺
Oh, but this made me soft! 🥺
Bucky’s all about touch and feel, it’s the act of closeness and intimacy for him. After having been through so much and denied so many things throughout his life, he relishes in being able to be close to you. It’s almost something sacred to him.
There’s those soft lingering kisses. These ones usually made their appearance when it was a lazy day and he’s got you all to himself. He’s always busy with work and so are you, so when you have the opportunity to be together and have nothing to do, he takes full advantage of it. It’s when you get up in the morning, thinking he’s asleep as you try to slide out of the bed, but his arms are quick to wrap around your waist and keep you next to him. He’s pulling against his warm body, eyes still closed as his lips search for yours before pressing soft kisses against yours. You grinned and kissed him back, slowly, eagerly, just as reluctant to pull away from him. He would always try and keep you against him as long as he could, lips barely leaving yours, despite your protests that you needed to get up. But then again, who were you to deny kisses from your lover?
There’s the kind that lingered after a long day when he just wanted you close to him. Even if you were just walking by to grab a drink from the kitchen, or you were getting up for a moment from the couch. Bucky would just make those grabby hands at you, and easily gave in, letting him kiss you gently and slowly until you were left breathless and dizzy from his touch.
There the quick, rushed kisses. These were ones you were always slightly reluctant to experience just because they meant he was leaving. These came when he needed to leave at a moment's notice or he’d waited until the moment to leave, reluctant to part from you. Usually it wasn’t too long before he’d be back, but still, you always missed him. These were the ones when he reached for you before walking out the door and crashed his lips against yours for a few moments before whispering I love you and almost running out the door. Sometimes they came as you were leaving for work, running late because you’d given into your wants and desires and stayed in bed with him just a little too long. They were always sweet and left a promise for more. Sometimes they’d be sweeter than others, but it was always enough to convey just how much he loved you.
There were the hungry, needy kisses. Ones where the two of you just couldn’t keep your hands off each other, ones where you needed to be touching. These were fervent and deep, and sent a million sparks shooting throughout your whole body. His touch was electric and the feel of his lips all over your always got that warmth flooding your veins. His hands would roam your body as he poured every bit of his want and need into his kiss. These were the ones that left his name falling from your lips like a prayer as he took you to bed and let himself explore every part of your body.
You can’t forget about the nervous, worried ones when Bucky was leaving to go and do something dangerous. He would always try and reassure that everything would be fine, and you knew realistically that nothing would happen to him or Sam, but you were still worried. What if this was the one time something was different? What if… you tried not to think about it. Instead you pulled him into you and kissed him like your life depending on it. Like it was the last time you’d ever get to kiss him. It was the kind of kiss that made you realize how much you loved him, and how much he meant to you. Lips lingering against each other as you offered longing kisses before reluctantly pulling apart. These were the ones you poured your heart and soul into.
But there were also the little just because kisses. These were the ones that happened at random, when you were going throughout your day, doing mundane things such as cooking or cleaning up, or getting ready for bed. Sometimes Bucky would just walk by as he was tinkering around in the garbage, swooping in and pressing a quick kiss to your cheek or lips, leaving you grinning long after he was gone. It was the way he’d stop what he was doing while you were cooking dinner together and press a kiss to your lips before turning back to his chopping. It was when you'd be coming upstairs with a basket of fresh laundry that he’d take from you to help fold and put away, but not before stealing a quick kiss first. There were all just so soft and delicate, but you loved all.
Any kiss from Bucky was treasured.
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summary // bucky and alpine enjoy their solitude, but the girl across the hall is slowly creeping into their hearts. (bucky x fem!reader)
words // 7.4k
warnings // diverges from canon & no major spoilers.
notes // just thousands of words of fluff bc that’s all i know how to write. maybe one day i’ll venture into anything else. fluffy bucky has my heart
reblogs & replies are greatly appreciated!
》* 。 • ˚ ˚ ˛ ˚ ˛ • 。* 。° 。* 。 • ˚《
The first time you knock on Bucky’s door Alpine wanders over curiously.
Bucky stares at the door silently urging you to go away. You knock again and Alpine begins to paw at the door before meowing loudly, which makes Bucky groan. “I’m coming.” He calls as he stands from the couch. He pauses the movie playing on his television, something ridiculous that Sam had insisted on. Alpine meows again and Bucky can hear you laugh through the door.
He pulls on a hoodie that’s laying on his counter and stuffs his left hand into the front pocket. When he pulls the door open you smile brightly. “James!”
The two of you had met briefly when Bucky had originally moved into the building. You had smiled the same bright smile in the elevator and offered up your name easily. Bucky had smiled tightly in return and told you his full name, a habit he had yet to break, and he deeply regretted it. Every time you passed in the hallway you called out a cheery James despite Bucky’s corrections.
“It’s Bucky.” He mutters. Your eyes move over his shoulder and Bucky watches as you take in his very undecorated and barely furnished apartment. Bucky didn’t mind how seemingly empty his place was. He wasn’t home a lot and nobody but Sam spent time with him. Sam might think it was time to add barstools and a spice rack, but Bucky was content with how things were.
Your attention is pulled to Alpine as he peeks out from behind Bucky’s legs. “And who are you?” You ask quietly as you squat down to meet his eyes. You hold a cautious hand out and Alpine only stares. You wait for a moment before he turns and moves back into the apartment.
You don’t seem to take it to heart though. You laugh as you stand up. “He takes after his dad, huh.” There’s a teasing glint in your eyes and Bucky should be offended but the comment actually makes him smirk.
“His name is Alpine.” Bucky says monotone as he watches you rock back and forth on your feet. “Did you need something?”
“Oh!” Your eyes light up as if you had completely forgotten your reason for coming here in the first place. “I need salt! Do you have any?” Your eyes move behind him again as if you’re now suddenly worried the answer won’t be yes.
“I have salt, yes.” He doesn’t move from his spot and only stares down at you. Your eyes flicker around the hallway before you smile nervously. “Can I have some?” You ask quietly.
Bucky nods and makes his way into his kitchen. He expects you to stay and wait in the doorway, but he hears the door shut behind you.
“Didn’t want him to get out.” You say as you lean against his counter. Bucky’s a little put off by your brazen personality, but you don’t seem to notice his discomfort. “How long have you lived in DC?” You ask as Bucky moves to pull the salt out.
“How much do you need?” He asks instead of answering.
“Not much! A couple teaspoons.” Bucky’s stoic attitude doesn’t seem to deter you at all. He glances around the bare kitchen before deciding to just give you the shaker.
“I don’t have anything to put it in, just make sure to return it eventually.” He shrugs as he slides it over to you. You grasp it in your hand but make no effort to move. Bucky sighs. “And I’ve lived here for a couple years now. I… I moved here after the Blip.”
He wonders briefly if you know who he is. He’s not sure what happened in the years of the blip, if his name had been marked on one of those memorials. That had been before his pardon, so he assumes not. He wonders if Steve’s exhibit had been changed. He hadn’t been back since before the blip. Was he still in it? Had they changed it or was Bucky Barnes still dead in America’s eyes? His eyes find yours and then he wonders if you did know who he was, were you worried?
You seemed fine around him. He hadn’t seen any recognition on your face when he had introduced himself all those months ago. A frown tugs at your lips. “Were you…” You trail off but Bucky knows the question.
Bucky nods tightly and you take a step away and move towards his door, like you know he’s reached the limit on sharing personal details for the night. “Me too.” You finally say when your hand lands on his door knob. You pause. “It’s weird. Right? Coming back to a completely different world?”’
“Yeah.” He nods. You have no idea, he thinks. He had just begun to figure out how to live free again and then he was gone. And when he came back, he was thrust into battle then lost Steve to a world Bucky was no longer a part of. “It’s weird.”
You smile apologetically. “Thank you for the salt, James.” You say quietly. His eyes flash to yours but your face doesn’t give much away.
He nods and the door slams shut. Alpine comes trotting out and rubs against Bucky’s shins. “Yeah, she’s weird.” Bucky reaches down to softly pet Alpine’s back. “Pretty though, huh?”
Alpine pushes against his hand and Bucky takes that as agreement enough.
Bucky liked helping Sam down at the VA. Handing things out, setting things up, and talking with veterans gave Bucky a sense of something. It gave him something to do when Sam and him weren’t away on missions.
And he got to spend time with Sam. While it was something he would never admit to the man, he enjoyed his company. Sam had slowly become Bucky’s best friend. Not that Bucky really had any other close friends.
“Thanks for helping out today.” Sam smiles as Bucky leads him through the hallway towards his apartment. “But you know, you can just come for a meeting. To talk.”
Bucky nods. He did know that, really. But Bucky was okay with listening for now. Maybe one day he would share some of his story, but helping out now was helping him.
Bucky stops short in the hall when he notices something sitting outside his door. He throws an arm out that Sam slams into. “Jesus, what…” He trails off when he notices what Bucky had seen.
There’s a small brown box sitting on the ground. “Stay here.” He murmurs as he begins to move towards the object. Sam gives Bucky a look before following behind him. “Or not.” He glares. Both men kneel down in front of the box. There’s not much that gives anything about what’s in the box away, just his name written in fancy script.
He reaches a hand out to touch it when the sound of your door opening makes him second guess and pull away. You were a little weird, but he didn’t want to blow you up.
“James!” Him and Sam look over at you as you lock your door. You’ve got a red apron wrapped around your waist and your bag is slipping off your shoulder. Before Bucky can say anything like be careful, you furrow your brows at the men. “What are you doing? Do you not like cookies?”
“Cookies?” Bucky asks as he glances down at the box again. Sam has already stood up and straightened out, but he’s still kneeling in front of the door. He can hear Alpine pawing at it, no doubt having heard Bucky’s voice, and he feels a little ridiculous now. “It’s Bucky.” He adds on now that he knows it’s not an explosive sitting in front of him.
You nod slowly with a confused smile on your face. “Cookies. I made a bunch so I packed up the extra for you. When I knocked nobody answered so I left them, I wasn’t sure if I’d be home when you got back.”
Bucky feels heat rise to his cheeks. He hastily picks the box up and stands. Sam laughs loudly and Bucky glances at him coldly. “Thanks.” He says quietly.
You rock back and forth on your feet again. Must be a nervous habit, Bucky thinks. “I also made some cat treats. For Alpine.” Bucky recognizes the nervous tone in your voice as you stare at the box in his hands. “Thank you. For the help.” You say before spinning on your heel. You freeze and turn again, this time your eyes land on Sam. “Nice to meet you, Captain America, sir.” You look like you’re thinking of throwing your hand up in salute, but instead you turn again and rush down the hall.
Bucky just stares after you until a muffled meow breaks his focus. He shakes his head before shoving the box into Sam’s hands and moving to unlock the door. “So.” Sam says with a poorly contained smirk as he follows Bucky inside. “She seems nice, James.”
Bucky groans before snatching the box from his hands. “She knows I go by Bucky, she just calls me that to mess with me… I think.”
“And she knows Alpine?” Sam kneels down to pet said cat, but he jumps away and hides behind Bucky’s legs. “Come on, Al. We’ve known each other since you were adopted.” Sam stands up and rolls his eyes at Bucky.
Bucky laughs softly at the cat. “She asked to borrow salt last night and kind of met him. Alpine didn’t really stick around to hang out with her.” He begins to open the box and notices a small note taped to the inside of the lid.
He pulls it off hesitantly. “What’s her name?” Sam leans against the counter and pulls a cookie out of the box.
“Y/N.” He says quietly as his eyes skim over the note.
Thank you for the salt. And the conversation. I hope you enjoy the cookies. I made some simple tuna treats for Alpine.
Step One in getting your cat to love me.
Bucky lays the note on his counter and looks into the box. His shaker is standing in the corner next to a small plate of cookies and a jar of what he assumes are the cat treats. Sam laughs and Bucky glances up to see him reading over the note. “Hey!” Bucky yanks it out of his hand and shoves it into one of the drawers in front of him.
“Getting Alpine and you to love her, she means.” He laughs again and Bucky rolls his eyes. “That’s cute. I didn’t know you had a little flirtationship going on.”
Bucky scoffs. “I don’t… What does that even mean? Did you see us in the hall? I don’t flirt with her.”
Sam reaches for another cookie. “Really? Just felt like that’s how you would flirt. And you blushed so…” He trails off with a smirk.
“I wasn’t blushing!” Bucky says defensively. He didn’t blush just because a pretty girl gave him cookies. He wasn’t in middle school. When Sam reaches for another cookie, Bucky yanks the box away. “Are you gonna order dinner or stand here and eat all of my cookies?”
Sam throws his hands up in mock surrender and pulls out his cell phone. “Hey. No need to get defensive. Maybe it was just hot in the hallway.” He moves into the living room and flings himself onto the small couch.
Bucky scoffs and looks down at Alpine, who has made himself comfortable at Bucky’s feet. “I wasn’t blushing.” He says quietly to the cat. Alpine just blinks. Bucky pulls a treat out of the small jar and holds it out to him. “You know I wasn’t blushing.”
The next time Bucky sees you, it’s him at your door. He’s got a clean plate in his hand and is decidedly not nervous as he waits for you to answer.
He lifts his hand to knock again when the door swings open. You’re standing in nothing but a sweatshirt and shorts that barely peek out from beneath it. Bucky swallows and forces his eyes up from your legs to your face.
He gives you an apologetic smile when he sees your raised brows. “James.” You smile kindly as you lean against your door frame. “What can I do for you?”
“Bucky.” He says automatically. He holds the plate out and notices your eyes catch on his gloved hands. “Figured you might want this back. I washed it.”
You take the plate from his hands. “Thank you.” Bucky doesn’t move from his spot in the hallway. He’s not really sure why because he’s done what he needed to do. He just wanted to enjoy your presence, he assumes. You had begun to grow on him and your cookies were really good. Or maybe he had always kind of liked you.
“Do you want to come in?” You ask. There’s an inviting smile on your face and he almost says yes. He wants to say yes. But he didn’t want to leave Alpine alone, he had already been gone for most of the day.
Bucky gives you an apologetic smile. “I would… But I don’t want to leave Alpine alone.” You nod with a soft smile and Bucky watches for a moment before taking a step back.
“I’ll just…” He points over shoulder at his door. He turns and starts the short walk to his door.
You laugh quietly. “Have a good night, James.”
“Bucky.” He corrects. He takes a deep breath and turns to face you again. You’re still standing in your doorway watching him amused. “Do you want to… You can come to mine instead?”
Your small smile transforms into something bright and excited as you nod. “That would be great. Let me grab my keys.” You hold a finger up and disappear into your apartment.
As soon as you're out of sight Bucky slumps against the wall. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. He thinks. His living room is bare except for the small, shitty couch Sam had persuaded him into buying. That and a lamp on an Ikea side table and his television.
He imagined your living room was much homier. Probably decorated to fit your aesthetic and cozy. What would you think of his place? What did you think? You couldn’t mind it too much if you agreed to come, right?
His nervous train of thought is disrupted when he hears your door slam shut. Bucky watches as you lock your door quickly. “Lead the way!” You look at Bucky with teasing eyes.
Bucky smiles hesitantly as he turns towards his own door. When he opens it, he finds Alpine laying on the back of the couch and he stares confused at Bucky and the new addition to the apartment.
“You remember Alpine.” Bucky says with a small smile as he beckons you further into the apartment. “It’s not much-“
“-It’s nice.” You cut him off. You’ve got a genuine smile on your face and Bucky begins to wonder why he had ever been nervous. You’d always been kind, he couldn’t imagine you having anything rude to say. “Hi, Alpine.” You say quietly as you step cautiously towards the couch.
Bucky watches as Alpine looks up at you equally as cautious. “Nice to see you again. I hope you like the treats.” At the word, Alpine perks up and looks at you intrigued.
Bucky quietly pulls a couple treats out of the jar. He moves as subtly as he can in order to avoid shifting Alpine’s attention. “Here.” He slips a treat into your hand. “See if he comes to you.”
You hold the treat out in front of you and Alpine sniffs the air. You don’t say anything, like you know trying to coax the cat to you might spook him. Alpine seems to appreciate it and moves towards you slowly. He snatches the treat from your hand before dashing away. He disappears down the hallways, but you don’t seem to care because you spin around to face Bucky with a happy smile.
“Did you see that?” You laugh. Bucky swallows and nods. Briefly he thinks you have a beautiful smile before shaking the thought off. You take a seat on his couch and pull your legs up underneath you. “I’ll be his favorite in no time.”
Bucky snorts. “I’m sure.” He says sarcastically. He sits next to you on the couch and moves to hand the remote to you. He lets a small smile be directed at you as he watches you make yourself comfortable in his home. It’s not much, but you seem to fit right in.
When your eyes land on his gloved hands again, he thinks you’re gonna ask for a reasoning behind them. He’d have to come up with a poor excuse, not wanting to share the truth yet. But your eyes move from his hands to his face and you take the remote with a smirk. “You ever seen Legally Blonde?”
And, well. That’s that.
The next time you and Bucky see each other, it’s in passing. He’s going out as you’re coming in. There’s a grease stain on your shirt and your red apron is barely stuffed into your purse.
Bucky hesitates for a moment. “Hey.” He says quietly. You spin around and slam backwards into your door. “Fuck. I didn’t mean to scare you, I’m sorry.” He takes a cautious step towards you. His eyes trail over your face, your eyes are red and he can tell how exhausted you are.
“It’s okay.” You say quietly. You take a few calming breaths. “I was in my head. It was a rough night.”
Bucky leans against the wall next to you. “Wanna talk about it?” He’s grown so used to you just stopping to chat that this tense silence feels wrong. Normally he wouldn’t even have to prompt you, he would listen as you just launch into a story easily.
You trail your eyes over his outfit. “You look like you’re headed out.”
Bucky shrugs and doesn’t move from his spot. “Just a recap then. I have time.” He’s not sure what’s inspired him to do this. But he thinks it has something to do with this newfound fondness to your bright personality. He wants it back.
You take a deep breath and nod. “Come in for a glass of water? Then I’ll let you go.”
Bucky sighs in relief. “Sounds perfect.” He follows you into the apartment. It’s different from his. Bright, like you. You’ve got posters hanging neatly on the wall your tv is against. Plants sitting by your window. A large couch and soft rug. “Nice place.” He comments as he moves to sit on one of your barstools.
You laugh softly. “Thanks.” You drop your purse onto the counter and turn to pull two glasses out of the cupboard. “Where are you headed? If you don’t mind me asking.”
Bucky glances at the time on your stove. “Oh… I help my friend out with meetings at the VA. I was headed to help him set up.”
You slide a glass of water towards him. “You’re a vet?” He takes it with an appreciative smile. “I didn’t…” You shake your head. “Thank you.”
Bucky shakes his head. “I’m not…” He trails off unsure of how to explain his status to you. Did you really not know who he was? “Tonight's topic is you.”
You roll your eyes and lean back against the counter. “Have you ever just had a bad day? Where nothing seems to go right?” Bucky nods and you sigh. “My master’s thesis, I’ve been working on it for months, I got back my draft today from my advisor and he tore it apart. Had a good cry about that. Got called in early to work, I need the money so I said yes. The diner was busy and we were short staffed. To top it off, my last customer of the night was a douche. He hit on me all night. When I told him no to getting my phone number, he threatened to take my tip away.” You laugh bitterly as Bucky sits in silence, listening intently. “And then when I walked away, he tried to grab me. So… Stellar night over all.”
“Want me to kill him?” The words are out of Bucky’s mouth before he can think. He couldn’t imagine being forced to be nice to somebody who was just harassing him all night. In fact, he knows he wouldn’t be. And he knows you certainly didn’t deserve treatment like that.
You let out a shocked laugh that turns into a full blown laughing fit. Bucky lets out an awkward chuckle as he watches you shake.
“That’s…” You trail off and Bucky notices tears gathering in your eyes. “That’s really sweet.” You say wetly.
“Hey.” Bucky stands up and takes a step towards you. He pauses, unsure of what to do, but when you start to shake again, this time with tears, his decision is made. “Hey. You’re okay.”
He pulls you into him and you come easily. You wrap your arms tightly around his waist and rest your head against his chest as you let it out.
Bucky rubs your back and tries his best to calm his rapidly beating heart. He hopes you can’t hear it because he’s sure it would break any kind of aura of nonchalance he had created.
He glances at the time again. He really has to go. The meeting was starting soon and he’s sure Sam is worried about where Bucky is. He pulls back slowly, not wanting to let go.
You look at him with sad eyes. “I’m so sorry. I have to go.” You nod dejectedly and take a step back. You don’t go too far, both of your hands still clinging to his jacket. “Can you watch Alpine?” He rushes the words out and he knows there’s a light blush rising to his cheeks. He just wants to make you feel better and he really does hate leaving his cat alone.
You furrow your brows. “What?”
“I mean.” He takes a hurried step back suddenly aware of you still wrapped in his arms. “I hate leaving him alone. And… You look like you could use some furry company.”
A slow smile spreads across your face. “Are you saying your cat likes me?”
“No.” Bucky laughs. “But you are the only other person he doesn’t completely hate.”
“I would love to watch Alpine.” You take a few rushed steps out of your kitchen. “I’ll change and head over.”
Bucky lets out a relieved breath and nods. “Good. Cool. I mean-“ He shakes his head. “-my spare key is on top of my door. You don’t have to do anything but hang out with him. Don’t expect cuddles though, I’m not sure you’re on that level yet. Don’t give him too many treats.”
You’re nodding like his instructions are even the smallest bit important. “I have to go.” Bucky says ago and takes another step towards the door. “I’ll see you later.”
You nod and take off down your hall. Bucky lingers by your door for a moment.
“Wait!” You yell and come rushing out again. Bucky freezes and turns to look at you. “Thank you…James.” You smile brightly before spinning around again and disappearing.
Bucky smiles to himself as he leaves. The bright was back.
When Bucky gets home he’s more nervous than when he left. His palm is sweaty and all that’s on his mind is Sam’s constant teasing.
Bucky didn’t have a crush. He just… Liked having you around. That didn’t mean he wanted to date you. Maybe he did think you were pretty. And sure when you had let him hug you earlier it had made his heart race.
But it wasn’t a crush. Bucky was too old to have a crush. He takes a deep breath before opening his door. He can hear a movie playing softly before he even looks up.
“Hey.” You say quietly from where you’re laying on his couch. You sit up hastily with an embarrassed smile. Alpine is laying on the chair across from you. “We’re friends!” You point to the sleeping cat.
Bucky nods. “He actually stayed in the same room as you all night?” He asks doubtfully.
You frown, but there’s a mischievous sparkle in your eyes. “Maybe not all night. But he came out like an hour ago. I think he gave up on waiting for me to leave.”
You pat the spot next to you on the couch and Bucky moves as quietly as he can. “How was your night? Do you feel better?” He looks you over. You looked less tired and from the blankets piled on his couch it looks like you had taken a nap.
You nod. “A lot better… Thank you. I really appreciate you letting me hang out with your cat.” You look up at him with a nervous smile. “He’s just like you. You two were made for each other.”
Bucky glances at Alpine. “What does that mean?”
You poke Bucky’s leg with your socked foot. “Hard exterior, secretly wants to be best buds with me.”
Bucky snorts and gently shoves your foot away. “My secret plan has been outed. Make the girl from 4B my best friend.” You laugh and move to tuck your feet under his leg. It’s silent for a moment, and Bucky knows you’re watching him so he busies himself with watching Alpine.
“Hey…” You trail off waiting for Bucky to turn his attention to you. “I don’t want to upset you or anything.”
“That’s always a good start.” Bucky says nervously as he focuses on you. Your hands are fidgeting in your lap as you watch him. “What’s wrong?”
You shake your head quickly. “Nothing’s wrong! I just… Promise you won’t be upset with me?” Your eyes are pleading and Bucky can feel himself get anxious. What could you be so nervous about?
“What’s wrong?” He asks quietly. You don’t say anything, so Bucky swallows hard. “I promise.” He nods slowly.
“Okay.” You take a deep breath. Bucky watches your eyes shift around the room before landing on his hands clenched together in his lap. “I thought I recognized you. Like, your name is so familiar and then when I saw you with Captain America…”
Bucky looks down at his hands and nods. He knew where this was going. “I…” He trails off.
“I looked you up.” You rush the words out. Your voice is small and Bucky feels any hopes he had for this friendship shatter around him.
“I don’t… I’m not any of those things anymore.” Bucky cringes. His leg is shaking anxiously, but he just can’t get it to stop. He can’t even get himself to look up from his gloved hands, didn’t want to see the fear or disbelief that would be painted across your face.
Your toes poke at his thigh again and it forces Bucky to look over at you. Your eyebrows are furrowed as you watch him, but there’s no trace of fear or anger, you wear the same kind smile that you always did.
“I know that.” You whisper softly. Your eyes move past him and Bucky follows your line of vision to Alpine, whose bright eyes are staring at him. Bucky smiles gently at the cat as he stretches out and hops off the chair. Alpine rubs against Bucky’s shins, a welcome distraction from the impending conversation. Your feet curve upward to poke Bucky in the leg again. He looks up hastily at the gesture. “When I asked if you were a vet earlier, why did you say no?”
Bucky purses his lips to think. The truth was he wasn’t at all sure how to explain everything to you. He didn’t have to explain things to Sam or Steve, they knew. “My war was a long time ago.” He settles on saying.
“That doesn’t make you any less a veteran.” You say firmly. “And there’s not much online about the Winter Soldier-“ There’s ringing in Bucky’s ears as the words come out of your mouth. What had you found? And what were you thinking?
“Hey.” You lean over and place a gentle hand on his shoulder. “There’s not much online, but I didn’t read what there was because I knew that it was your story to tell me. When you’re ready.”
Bucky inhales sharply as you look at him with curious eyes. “I… I did a lot of bad things. I… I worked on making amends and I… I was pardoned.” He pleads with you like he’s sure you’ll walk out if you know everything.
“Okay.” The word is quiet and your hand is still resting on his shoulder. “You don’t have to tell me anything. I just wanted you to know that I’m your friend. Even with your super cool secret identity.”
Bucky laughs at that. “It’s not a secret if you use your real name.”
“Ah! You agree? We’re friends?” You say with a smirk. “Does that mean I get to see the super cool metal arm that’s always been covered around me?”
Bucky shakes his head, but laughs. “Not yet.” You’re watching him carefully so he gives you a small smile. “I would say we’re friends though, yeah.”
Suddenly, you’re always there.
When Bucky has missions with Sam, you check in on Alpine for him. His spare key has moved from above his door to your keychain.
You’ll come over with treats when he gets home from the VA. (Bucky likes to think you check for him when you hear the heavy footsteps in the hall and that’s why you’re always there right after he gets home.)
He’ll bring dishes back whenever he sees you get home. (He does check the peephole when he hears footsteps.)
You send him pictures of Alpine when he’s away. Alpine who still won't cuddle with you or even touch you, but who lays in the same room and has recently started allowing short pets. He sends you pictures of Sam and cities they’re in.
And tonight, while he’s in New York, you’ve sent him a picture of you in his bathroom mirror with Alpine sitting pretty on the counter.
He’s not supposed to be up there.
All he gets is another picture in return, this time you have a thumbs up and Alpine is still on the counter. Bucky smiles. Sam notices.
“Your girlfriend texting you?” He teases.
Bucky scoffs. “She’s not my girlfriend… She just watches Alpine for me sometimes.” He looks back down at his phone. Nice. He sends back before stuffing it into his pocket and looking back at the man.
Sam nods slowly. “Right. She just watches Alpine sometimes. And hangs out with you when she’s free. Don’t forget the treats she makes you and Alpine.” Sam lists off casually as he looks down at his fingernails.
Bucky feels an embarrassed heat crawl up the back of his neck and looks down at his feet. “We’re friends. She’s a good friend.”
When he looks up, Sam doesn’t have a teasing smile, but instead a genuinely happy one. Bucky thinks that this one is somehow worse when Sam grips his shoulder firmly. “I’m glad you have such a good friend, Bucky. Someone outside this super hero business.”
Bucky nods and swallows the lump in his throat. “Yeah. Thanks, Sam.”
“I’m serious, Bucky. You deserve it.”
Bucky gives him a grateful smile unable to say anything else.
Bucky creeps into his apartment at four in the morning. It’s quiet, like usual, but Alpine isn’t sitting on the couch like he normally does when Bucky isn’t home.
“Al?” He calls out quietly. The logical part of him is aware that Alpine may have fallen asleep in his bedroom, or underneath a piece of furniture. But there’s another part of him that panics at the routine being broken.
Alpine was always there to greet him.
Bucky would rather be safe than sorry. “Al.” He whispers again, already reaching for the knife strapped to his ankle. He bends slowly and lifts his pant leg as he scans his eyes under the couch and coffee table in search of the cat.
He stands with the knife in his hand and moves slowly down his hallway. His bedroom door is ajar, Bucky takes a deep breath before pushing it open all the way. Alpine blinks at him from the edge of his bed. The knife slips from Bucky’s hand as he stands, shocked in the doorway. You’re asleep. Asleep on the bed that he never used.
The knife clattering against the ground stirs you from your sleep and your eyes widen when you notice Bucky standing there.
“Hey!” Your voice is raspy and low. You rub your eyes and Bucky can only stare at your half-asleep form. “I… I thought you were going to be gone until tomorrow night.”
He nods. “Yeah. I mean, we got things done sooner than expected.” He explains. You lean over to flicker the light next to you on. Bucky doesn’t recognize the pillow sitting behind you or the blanket that’s thrown over your legs, he thinks you’ve brought them over from your apartment. You must have because his pillow and blanket was sitting folded in his linen closet waiting for the next time he camped out on the floor or the couch.
You smile apologetically. “I’m sorry. I… I got tired of falling asleep on the couch.” You whisper. “And Alpine lays with me on the bed.”
Bucky hastily shakes his head. “No! It’s fine. You don’t have to apologize. I should’ve told you to sleep in the bed. I didn’t even think of it.” I don’t really sleep in the bed. He moves further into the room.
You scratch nervously at your cheek before freezing in action. He almost laughs at the annoyance that crosses your face. You had mentioned once that touching your face was a bad habit you had been trying to break for months. “I should go.”
“You don’t have to.” Bucky opens his dresser drawer in search of sweatpants. “Stay here. You’ve already got yourself set up. I’ll crash on the couch.”
You push the blanket off of your legs and Bucky has to force his eyes to stay on yours when he notices the already short shorts you’re wearing have ridden up your thighs from sleeping. “I can’t make you sleep on the couch, James. I’ll go!”
“You know it’s Bucky.” He stops you with a hand on your shoulder. “It’s fine.” He stresses. “I… I don’t really sleep in the bed anyways. The couch is better.”
Your eyes narrow. “You don’t have to lie to make me feel better.” He can tell you’re hesitant, but your rushed movements have paused. “My apartment is across the hall! I feel awful for invading your space like this already.”
Bucky sits on the edge of the bed and watches curiously as you shift to sit next to him. Both your legs are dangling off, almost brushing his, and Bucky feels warmer than he had all week. “Doll, I’m serious. Beds are weird for me. I haven’t had one in so long that sometimes they’re just too overwhelming for me to sleep in.”
He almost jumps when your head rests against his shoulder. “I’m sorry. I didn’t… I didn’t think of that.”
“It’s good to see somebody getting good use out of this bed.” He leans into you slightly. “My ma would have thrown a fit if she saw how much this bed was. 800 dollars for a mattress... 800 dollars back then is like, thousands now.”
You laugh softly. Bucky glances down again. Your eyes are closed and he thinks you’re almost asleep until you talk. “Do you… Would someone being there help you sleep in the bed?”
You don’t open your eyes and Bucky’s almost glad for that because he can’t look away from you. “I… I don’t know. It’s only been Al and I.” His eyes follow the rise and fall of your chest as you breathe slow and calm.
You finally look up. “You should stay with me. The couch isn’t comfortable to sleep on, I would know.” You elbow his stomach gently.
He nods before he can even think about it. “If… If you’re comfortable with it.” He whispers.
“I wouldn’t have offered if I wasn’t. I promise.” You move away from him and Bucky already misses the warmth you radiate. “I’ll let you change.”
He leans against the bathroom door as soon as it’s shut behind him. “It’s okay.” He mumbles to himself. His nightmares had been getting better, but that didn’t mean they were gone entirely.
They probably never would be. And he knew he couldn’t let himself be afraid of the bed for the rest of his life. He had bought the bed. He just hadn’t expected his attempt at getting over the anxiety to be with you.
Why had he said yes? He thinks as he shakily slips his jacket off. He looks at himself in the mirror and sighs. It was a good question, why had he said yes?
He slips into his sweatpants and just stands in the bathroom. He couldn’t change his mind now.
Well, he could. He knew you would give him a kind smile and reassure him that he didn’t have to do anything he didn’t want to. You were just that person. Kind and understanding and holding no judgement.
“Okay.” He takes a deep breath. “Okay.” He shakes his shoulders out and picks up his discarded clothes. He stops at the linen closet and pulls out his blanket and pillow.
You’re already wrapped up in your blanket again when Bucky comes back into the room. Alpine has moved to lay the floor in front of his bed. You smile sleepily at Bucky. He feels himself smile back. Maybe this wouldn’t be so bad.
(When his eyes crack open the next morning he finds Alpine curled at his feet and you curled into his side, he knows being with you wouldn’t be bad. It’s the first time he lets himself think maybe this really is a crush.)
So, Bucky has a crush. Which is a little ridiculous because he’s over a century old and having a crush is so high school, but it’s there. When you smile in the hall and butterflies rush through his stomach or when his chest warms at a picture you’ve sent of you and Alpine. It’s so obviously there.
“What are you staring at?” Your voice shakes him when he realizes he’s been staring at you this entire time. You’re sitting next to him on the couch, so close your legs are touching. “Do I have something on my face?” You reach a hand up to your cheek.
Bucky shakes his head hastily. “No. Sorry, I was just lost in my thoughts.”
“Penny?” You ask softly and Bucky furrows his brows in confusion. “Penny for your thoughts.” You clarify quickly.
He thinks the smile that appears on your face is bashful and it makes Bucky feel just a little more confident. Maybe he made you as nervous as you made him.
“You’re really pretty.” He says suddenly. Your eyes widen and you look away nervously. A hand scratches at the back of your neck and Bucky bites down on his lip as he watches you. Not exactly how he hoped that would go. “I mean… I was just looking at… how pretty you were.” He cringes at the words as they come out of his mouth.
He used to be so much smoother than this, he thinks. He remembered having a new girl on his arm every week and a friend of theirs for Steve.
Alpine meows loudly and Bucky just knows the cat is laughing at him. “Thank you.” You finally say quietly. “I… I didn’t think you thought that about me.”
“‘Course I do.” He says equally as quietly. “Always thought you were pretty.” He glances at you and smirks, “Even when I thought you were weird too.”
You gasp and turn to look at him. “You thought I was weird?”
Bucky laughs and nods. “After you came in the middle of the night for salt? A little. And the fact that you keep calling me James when I’ve told you it’s Bucky.” He raises an eyebrow.
You smile brightly. “You introduced yourself as James. Why would I call you anything else?”
Bucky presses his tongue to his cheek as he tries not to laugh. “Yeah. I’ve regretted that every day since. Nobody’s called me James since the forties.”
You scoff. “I find that hard to believe.”
Bucky looks away. “Well for decades I was referred to as soldat.” He glances down at his hands. He’d stop wearing his gloves around you after you’d spent the night, even told you a little of his story the next morning.
Sam thinks your relationship is weird. You spend the night sometimes and both of you find time to spend together when you can. It’s like you’re dating, but Bucky knows it’s not really like that. He thinks you both bring a sense of calm to one another.
He’s not sure how to shift that, or if you would even want to, into a relationship. He glances back at you with a tense smile. “Steve always called me Buck. Sam calls me Bucky. Last person to call me James was probably my mother.”
“I’m sorry… I never meant to-'' You take a deep breath like you’re preparing yourself for what you're going to say next.
Bucky shakes his head. “It’s fine. I’m not trying to make you feel bad, I was just pointing it out.” He tries to smile reassuringly.
“I was just trying to flirt.” You say so quickly the words sound jumbled together.
It takes him a moment to comprehend what you’ve said. “With me?” He points to himself. The words make his confidence rise exponentially. “You were trying to flirt with me?”
“With you.” You confirm with a slow nod. You start laughing, but it’s soft and happy. “Of course I was! I wanted you to remember me! How could I do that if I called you what everybody else does?”
“I don’t know. Anything else?” He laughs along with you. “I…” He shakes his head with a smile.
You both settle and Bucky hears you inhale sharply. “The salt to come see you and talk, the cookies and treats for Alpine… I’ve had this huge crush on you since you moved in.” You say softly.
Bucky nods, he could see it now. Then he starts laughing again. He feels you smack his shoulder. “I’m sorry… You… Sam said that those cookies and treats were you trying to get me and Alpine to like you.”
You roll your eyes at him. “Keen eye. He saw I was flirting.” You tease gently. “Does it… Does it bother you? Or change anything? The fact that I was flirting?” You ask softly and full of nerves.
Bucky smiles sweetly. “That depends. Do you still want to flirt with me?”
You narrow your eyes, but nod. “I don’t ask just any boy to sleep in the same bed as me.”
“Just me and Alpine?” Bucky nudges your knee with his. You nod softly and he inhales a deep, nervous breath. “It worked.” He says quietly.
You nudge his knee back. “It did?”
He turns to look at you again. You’re already looking up at him with hopeful eyes and Bucky feels his heart race. “Yeah. I like you a lot. I don’t... I haven’t felt this way in a long time.”
A smile breaks out on your face. “I like you a lot too.” You whisper, like you’re afraid anything louder will break the moment.
“Can I kiss you?” He whispers back. You nod excitedly and lean towards him. Bucky places a gentle hand on your cheek as shuts his eyes and leans in.
His chest warms when your lips press against his tentatively, like you’re both still nervous it’s not real. Your lips are soft and Bucky knows his own are chapped, but he feels you smile against him and can’t stop his own smile from overtaking his face.
You pull away, but you’re still close enough that your lips are brushing against his. He’s caught up in the moment staring at you when he feels something rub against his shin.
It makes you pull apart. Alpine is rubbing himself against both your legs and purring softly. Bucky presses a kiss to your cheek.
“Think you won both of us over.”
》* 。 • ˚ ˚ ˛ ˚ ˛ • 。* 。° 。* 。 • ˚《
notes // what do you do when your midterm is an essay & gave you a headache? write bucky barnes fanfiction. thank you for reading! i hope you enjoyed it. ps i’ve seen some spelling mistakes promise to edit those in the morning!
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We mend each other
Bucky Barnes x Reader
Summary: Bucky goes to make amends with someone he wasn't able to kill as the Winter Soldier.
A/N: I'm not sure about what this is, and I'm even less sure about wtf is the style of writing I used here XD. But, I wanted to write for Bucky, and so I did. And I still do want to write more about him, so feel free to send in requests if you have any ideas.
No warnings I think, except for bad writing and some cliches. Around 3.000 words, so yeah, I got carried away.
Her face was engraved on his memory. Even when he didn't know her name, or who she was. He knew her eyes, the traces of her face, the lines of her lips. He knew her, even if he hadn't met her yet.
For more nights than he would like to admit, she appeared in his dreams. And now, she was the next name on his list of amends.
Y/N was different though, she was a case that he himself didn't understand completely. He didn't kill anyone she knew, and not her, for that matter.
She was also one of the most recent ones, Bucky had encountered her just a few months before he was assigned to kill Steve.
She wasn't supposed to be there, Y/N knew just by the cold chill that ran down her back. She knew she shouldn't have worked that extra hour, she wouldn't be here if she would have just gone home at the usual time.
Y/N heard the gunshot, she could see the dark red blood pooling on the floor of the dark alley. A tall man with dark clothes and what appeared to be a metal arm was holding the gun, his cold eyes were already fixated on Y/N and she felt dizzy under his gaze.
Before she knew what was happening the man was in front of her, his metal hand reached her neck and squeezed, she could already feel the bruise forming.
Y/N's hands clasped at his arm in a failed attempt to make him release her, her voice frantically repeating 'please' and 'I won't say anything'.
Bucky's eyes couldn't leave the girl in front of him. He should kill her, he knew he should. But for the first time, he hesitated, and he had no idea why.
He knocked her unconscious in the end.
The memory laid vivid in Bucky's mind. He still didn't know why he didn't kill her, he was glad for it though.
But he was nervous. He was sitting inside his apartment, holding the notebook with hundreds of names in his shaky hands. Y/N's name was circled a couple of times, he was stalling.
Bucky was going out of his way to avoid her, avoid that dreadful talk and the hateful gaze he was bound to receive. Especially because she lived next door, he moved into this apartment for that exact reason but now he was terrified.
He closed his eyes, took a deep breath, and got up.
Like a couple of times before, Bucky found himself standing at Y/N's doorstep, hand raised to knock on her door but never quite reaching it. His breath was starting to quicken again, but it suddenly got stuck on his throat when he saw the doorknob moving.
Y/N exited her apartment, her eyes glued to her phone. She walked half a step forward and bumped into something solid.
She would recognize those eyes anywhere. The ice-cold blue that haunted her for countless nights, except now they weren't as cold as the last time she saw them.
Y/N sucked in a sharp breath and stumbled backward. Her back hit her door before she hurriedly turned around, opened the door, entered her apartment, and slammed the door shut again.
Bucky stood still, his mouth slightly open. He was about to attempt talking when the girl moved away from him as if he had burned her. The utter panic in her eyes made him sick to his stomach.
A gloved hand touched the smooth wood of the door. "Miss?" Bucky's voice was small. "I'm not here to hurt you, I just want to talk".
On the other side of the door, Y/N sat on the floor. Her breathing frantic, trying to calm down. She heard about his story, she knew what happened to him. It wasn't his fault and he was already cured it seemed. But it didn't erase what happened. She forced herself to think clearly, though. Thinking over and over about the fact that he was just as much of a victim as she was.
But why is he here anyway?
It felt like hours had passed when Y/N finally got up and slowly opened her door. Her hands were shaking. Bucky was still there, looking unsure and, ironically, almost as scared as she did.
"You know... You know me?" Bucky gulped and fidget with his hands.
Y/N chuckled despite her state. "Quite hard to forget".
A feeling of dread and shame washed over him, he wasn't able to meet her eyes. At least she seemed physically fine.
"I'm not the winter soldier anymore... My name's James Bucky Barnes, and I came here to make amends" his words felt strained and shallow. He was trying to make himself as small as possible, feeling the pressure of her gaze on him. Making himself look up, Bucky's hands itched to smooth the frown that had formed on the girl's face.
A minute of silence passed, Y/N looked like she was lost, trying to understand the situation.
"All right then. You're forgiven" with a short nod, Y/N retreated to her apartment and closed the door again. She let out a long sigh and closed her eyes, it all felt incredibly overwhelming.
But who was she to not forgive?
Y/N made her peace with what happened a long time ago, all just a bad memory now. But the sight of him still sent a chill down her spine, after all, the only imagine she had of him was of a dark figure in an even darker alley marching her way with a deadly stare.
Bucky wasn't able to move, his body felt way too heavy. To his surprise, her words looked genuine. But they were also emotionless.
They met a couple of times after that. Just passing by each other through the hallways of the apartment building. Bucky would usually put as much distance between them as he could muster, the last thing he wanted was to make her uncomfortable with his presence.
Y/N however, would smile sometimes, saying a 'hello' or a 'good morning' out of decency. She was doing her best to make it feel at least kind of casual, and help him settle on the new life. Figuring that everyone deserves a second chance, she was doing her part.
But her words warmed Bucky's heart to an extent he wasn't even able to explain. He would always take a couple of seconds to take in her kindness and reciprocate it with a shy reply of his own.
The first time it happened he was confused if she was directing her greeting at him at all, even if they were the only people there.
After what he did to Y/N, Bucky wasn't expecting her to accept his apology, let alone show him more kindness. Often times he didn't even know what to do with himself around her.
But she was different, it seemed.
Bucky's hands worked mindlessly in making himself a sandwich, his sorry excuse for a house was starting to get dark as the day came to an end, but he couldn't bother himself to turn on the light.
He sat on his couch and waited to hear what channel Y/N would choose to watch tonight, so he could put on the same one and feel somewhat less alone. But the sound of her TV never came, instead, he could hear faint voices of people arguing.
It's not like Bucky was intentionally listening to the conversation, he just had good hearing and the walls were thin. But from what he could hear, Y/N was definitely not happy.
Bucky looked down at his half-eaten sandwich and pursed his lips. Against his better judgment, he got up.
"I have nothing more to say to you, now please, leave and stop making a scene" Y/N's distressed voice filled the empty hallway of the apartment building. She was standing outside of her apartment and a strange man stood before her, he didn't look happy either.
It didn't take a genius to notice he was the one bothering her. A weird urge of protectiveness overcame Bucky and he walked to them.
With his metal arm, Bucky took a hold of the man's hand that was moving all over the place. "I think she asked you to leave" his voice was serious, commanding. The look on his face didn't leave much room to argue either.
"And what business is it of yours?" The man spat back at him.
Bucky shrugged his shoulders like it was no big deal. But the way that Y/N took a tiny step behind him as if he, of all people, could protect her, made his heartbeat quicken. "No business, pal. But if she wants you to leave, you'll leave. Or I'll make you."
The way Bucky said those words with that gruffy voice of his, on behalf of Y/N, made a shiver run through her body. But not in fear.
"Whatever" was all the man mumbled out as he walked to the elevator.
Once the man was gone, whatever confidence Bucky had, had just melted away because now he was alone with Y/N and he had just intervened in what seemed to be a personal matter. He gulped and turned around to face the girl, a reluctant look in his blue eyes.
"I'm- I'm sorry for stepping in like this. It's just... It looked like he was bothering you. And I wanted to- I thought.." That was awful and Bucky cursed at himself for not being able to form a proper sentence.
Y/N chuckled and looked down, then back up to meet his eyes again. "Don't worry about it, he's just an idiot who doesn't understand the meaning of 'we're done'. So... Thank you."
Letting her gaze settle on him, Y/N took Bucky in. He was big, he had a metal arm, and he was intimidating, yes. But he was also oh so adorable with that slight blush over his cheeks and those fidgety hands. Y/N would never think that 'adorable' would be a word she'd use to describe someone that a couple of years ago, caused her pain and fear.
But after she did her research on him, well, he's suffered more than anyone she's ever met, and it wasn't his fault. So trying to see him as a person now that he was trying to right his wrongs, was the least she could do.
"You're welcome" Was the only answer she got back. The way Bucky talked to her left the impression that he was always on edge, like at any sudden movement he thought she would run away.
Y/N's next words got stuck on her throat for a moment, but she had a feeling that Bucky might need to hear them. "Look, I made my peace with what happened, you should too. It wasn't your fault, and I truly forgive you".
Her voice was gentle, and it graced Bucky's ears like velvet on his skin. He sucked in a breath and felt his eyes get slightly tearful, a huge weight seemed to be lifted from his shoulders. And Bucky felt at peace.
After that day, Bucky started to feel more comfortable around Y/N. Maybe he could even dare to call her a friend. They started to say more to each other than a simple 'good morning' here and there. He was starting to know her and she was starting to make her way to his heart.
Bucky couldn't deny the way his heart sped up every time she smiled, or how his skin prickled whenever Y/N accidentally touched him. But it all also made him incredibly nervous, it's not like he's dated anyone in the last few years.
Y/N's concentration was drifted away from her reading by a soft gasp coming from the other side of her wall. It wasn't loud, but then again, thin walls. Then she heard a loud thud and the sound of glass shattering.
Getting up from the bed, Y/N put on her hoodie over her pajama shirt, turned on the lights of her apartment, and made her way outside. Looking at her phone, the time read 2:47 AM. It wasn't the first time she heard him, but tonight she had a feeling she should check if he was alright. Stopping in front of Bucky's door, she knocked.
It took only a few seconds for him to open the door, but when he did, the sight of him broke Y/N's heart. He was sweating a little, he looked lost and haunted. His eyes were watery and shining in the dim light of the hallway, he had a pleading look on them as if he was asking Y/N to help him chase away the bad memories. His breathing was uneven and his shirt was a little tousled, like he had just put it on in a hurry.
"Hey" Y/N whispered the words as she slowly reached a hand out to touch the skin of his arm. Bucky slightly jumped when her skin met his, but in the next second his eyes closed and he exhaled, like her touch anchored him to reality.
Looking down at his hand, Y/N saw a tiny red stain on the skin of his finger. Carefully turning his hand around, she could see a small cut across his palm. "Bucky, what happened? You're hurt".
Her eyes showed genuine concern and Bucky forgot how to breathe. "Dropped... a- a glass" His voice was raspy, small. Bucky gulped down and tried to ground himself on her touch.
Y/N knew it was more than that, the look on his eyes said as much, but she didn't push. Instead, her other hand reached for his metal hand and she pulled him close. "Come on, let's take care of that."
Bucky couldn't say no even if he wanted to, he felt intoxicated by everything about her. From her gentle voice to her tender touch, she had him at her mercy. He walked inside Y/N's apartment with reluctant steps, even if she was the one dragging him inside.
Y/N closed her door behind them and lead Bucky to her room. She's never seen him like this, but the way he gravitated towards her told her he didn't want to be left alone. "You can sit down, I'll go grab a bandage." She said motioning towards her bed.
Once Bucky was alone in her room, he took a look around. It was cozy, and it smelled like her, he felt warm. Her bed was soft under his touch and Bucky slowly sat down, his hands were still shaking and his chest was tight.
Y/N came back in less than two minutes, an understanding smile graced her features. When her hands closed around one of his own, cleaned the dried blood and wrapped a small bandage around the cut, with a touch so soft Bucky felt like he was made of porcelain; It was too much, and the tears finally fell from his eyes. He remained silent as the tears streamed down his cheeks, the only thing that made Y/N look up at him was the way his breath got stuck.
When Y/N's eyes met with watery blue ones, she knew she already cared about him dearly. Putting aside her little medkit, Y/N cupped Bucky's cheeks and dried his tears with her thumbs. A choked sob escaped him then, and she also knew he was way more broken than she realized.
He leaned on her touch like she was his lifeline, his lip quivering and hand absentmindedly clutching at the fabric of her pants.
"We can talk about it if you want. Or you can just... Stay" Y/N said and patiently waited for an answer.
After a while, Bucky's voice appeared again. "I don't want to... Bother you."
She smiled, and she felt she knew him her whole life. "You never do. Make yourself comfortable, I'll go turn off the lights."
And even if they'd never done this before, it didn't feel weird to sleep beside each other. And the way Bucky tentatively scooted closer, and Y/N held his head pressed to her chest the whole night, gently running her fingers through his hair, so her heartbeat could lull him to sleep; felt just like it was meant to be.
Bucky moved from one foot to the other as he stood in from of the small coffee shop. It was just a simple lunch together, but his hand was still sweating and he was nervous with anticipation.
When he spotted Y/N coming towards him he smiled, a big, genuine smile. She wrapped her arms around him in a lovely greeting and he confirmed for the tenth time that his heart belonged to her.
They got inside together, his hand holding hers, they just fit. He ordered coffee, she ordered tea and they chose a cozy table in the corner.
There was another seat available in front of Bucky, but Y/N chose to sit beside him, keeping their bodies close. And when their lips met for the second time ever, he felt that familiar warmth she always brought to his chest, all over again.
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Summary: Bucky has trouble talking about his feelings and he ends up pushing away the one person he needs the most.
Request: Could you do ''Come on, open the door. Please.'' from the second prompt list for Bucky? Maybe angsty, but with a happy ending?? Thanks!
Pairing: Bucky Barnes x Female!Reader / Post Civil War - Pre Infinity War Bucky Barnes x Reader / Bucky Barnes x Avengers!Reader
Word Count: 6.6k (I went way overboard. Sorry.)
Warnings: Angst, fluff, swear words. I think that's it. Let me know if I forgot something.
Notes at the end.
It had been a little over a year since Steve left Bucky in Wakanda and went on the run with Sam, Natasha and you. Natasha had found a small secret compound where the four of you could hide without having to look over your shoulders every day and actually get some sleep. Even Tony, who had almost all the tech available at his disposal, still couldn’t find you.
Sam had been the one to bring you into the group. You had known him for a very long time, both of you being veterans. You went through hell and back together and you both knew that you’d always watch each other’s back.
That’s why you didn’t hesitate to show up when Sam called you out of nowhere saying Captain America needed your help.
If it hadn’t been for his very serious tone, you’d thought he was joking but you had heard this voice before. Many times. You knew it was serious.
Sam was the eye in the sky and you were on the ground. You completed each other as a team. You didn’t have any cool tech like he did but you were quick on your feet, both figuratively and literally. You always knew where to go and how to get out, all the exit routes and you had amazing fighting skills. You had saved his life many times, just as he had saved yours as many times if not more often.
Sam thought you were the perfect person to add to the team. The minute Steve and Natasha had shown up at his door, he had to call you.
You helped them chase the Winter Soldier who turned out to be Steve’s childhood best friend.
When Bucky disappeared, Steve decided to go look for him. He couldn’t live with himself knowing that his friend was somewhere out there, more than likely suffering. Sam volunteered to help Steve and you went with them. No questions asked.
Without even realizing it, you and Sam were part of the Avengers. It all became real when the Sokovia Accords were presented to you and you were asked to sign. Steve refused, quickly followed by you and then Sam.
When Cap found Bucky, you had a serious choice to make. You all did. Suddenly the Avengers were split right in the middle and you were either with Steve or against him.
You didn’t even need to think about which side you were on.
You were a little intimidated when you first met Bucky. One, he always stared at people and you never knew whether he liked you or hated you and two, he was a legend. Regardless of what he had done, the man was incredibly skilled.
Bucky and Sam bickered constantly, it was annoying as hell. It seemed like Bucky tried to scare Sam away, unfortunately Sam didn’t get scared easily and he just saw it as an open invitation to sass the hell out of Bucky.
At first, you were shy. You weren’t really sure if you were wanted or needed on the team but you were ready to show your worth.
You had been on the road for hours, in the tiniest freaking car you had ever seen. Stuck with incredibly big men, who turned out to be just as big of babies.
You stopped on the side of the road, again, because Sam and Bucky were fighting in the back seat, again. The moment the car had stopped, everybody had jumped out and Steve took Sam away to give Bucky time to calm down.
You took the opportunity to talk to Bucky.
‘’Do you think one day you could show me your knife trick?’’ You asked, curiously.
He looked at you, his eternal frown stuck to his face.
‘’My knife trick?’’ He repeated, confused.
‘’Yeah, you know.’’ You grabbed the knife that you always hid in one of your combat boots. ‘’When you fought Steve on the highway, you did this thing with your knife.’’ You tried doing it from memory to show him what you were talking about.
His eyebrows shot up as his eyes widened when he saw you take out the knife from your boot. He crossed his arms, eyeing you carefully as you showed him what you meant.
‘’Oh. That. It’s easy, actually.’’ He walked closer, extending his hand towards you.
You handed him your knife and put your hands on your hips, excited to learn.
He looked the knife over and flipped it around his fingers. He looked up. ‘’Do you always carry a knife in your boot?’’
You nodded, as if you were talking about carrying a pencil. ‘’Amongst other places.’’ You shrugged.
He didn’t know whether to be impressed or scared. He was a little bit of both.
That afternoon, the two of you bounded over knife tricks and special moves you both liked to use. The big, bad Winter Soldier was nowhere to be found, in front of you was only James ‘’Bucky’’ Barnes; a dork with a tormented past. Two things you could easily relate to.
You were a bit sad when Steve told you that his friend went back under, at least until they found a way for him to have control over his own mind again.
Though you absolutely adored Sam and Steve, you connected with Bucky in a very different way and you already missed your long conversations.
It took a year and a half before you saw him again. A year and a half of you being on the run with your two best friends. Three, when Natasha joined you.
You had settled into a nice little routine in your new compound, you felt somewhat safe and had as normal a life as government fugitives could have.
Steve announced Bucky’s return over breakfast one morning.
‘’Bucky’s been out of cryo for about 6 months now, from what Shuri told me. They worked really hard to find a solution and he feels ready. He wants to join us.’’ He looked at the 3 of you, waiting for your reactions.
''Cyborg is going to be living here, with us?’’ Sam asked.
You slapped Sam’s arm. ‘’Don’t call him that.’’
He rolled his eyes.
‘’Only if we’re all okay with having him here.’’ Steve answered.
‘’It’s fine with me.’’ You said.
‘’It’s fine with me, too.’’ Nat agreed.
You all turned to look at Sam. He groaned. ‘’Fine. He can come live with us.’’
‘’Great. He should be here tonight.’’ Steve announced. ‘’I’ll go get him.’’
‘’How are you gonna do that?’’ Natasha asked.
You had all the tech and weapons you needed to defend yourselves if you needed to but you were short on quinjets.
‘’Shuri said she’s sending someone over to pick me up.’’
You laughed. ‘’I love how you’re saying this like she’s sending a Über for you.’’
‘’Who’s Über?’’ Steve frowned, confused.
You all laughed, making him feel even more confused.
‘’No one. Nothing. Let’s pretend I didn’t say anything.’’ You patted his shoulder. ‘’You need one of us to go with you? And by one of us, I mean either Nat or me because Sam isn’t even an option.’’
‘’What?’’ Sam looked at you. ‘’Why not??’’
‘’Because the man just spent a year and a half in Wakanda, he hasn’t seen anyone aside from Shuri and King T’Challa and the last thing he needs is you nagging him the moment he steps out of the one place he feels safe.’’ You crossed your arms over your chest and raised an eyebrow, silently challenging him to dare and tell you you’re wrong.
‘’She has a point.’’ Natasha said.
‘’Y’all really know how to suck the fun out of everything.’’ He whined.
Steve cleared his throat, bringing the focus back on him. ‘’No, it’s fine. I’ll go on my own. Like you said, it’s been a while since he saw ‘’new’’ people and we should ease him into it.’’
Steve left for Wakanda shortly after, leaving you and Nat to set up one of the rooms for Bucky.
Bucky already knew all of you. It made the transition back to the ‘’real world’’ a lot easier on him. It still took a few days before he joined you all when you ate or trained. The compound wasn’t huge, not like Tony’s, but there was plenty of space for him to roam around peacefully when he needed to get out of his room and didn’t want to talk to anyone.
You all respected his decision to be more by himself.
You tried to keep the same kind of routine you used to have before. You hung out almost every night, you ate almost every meal together and you tried to train as often as possible to stay sharp. Steve was the one in charge and he was a very strict leader.
You were all in the gym, even Bucky had joined this time but only to watch, and Steve was in full coach mode.
‘’You two.’’ He pointed at you and Sam. ‘’Hand-to-hand.’’
You grinned. ‘’That’s a great idea, Cap.’’
You turned to Sam, your grin turning into a smirk.
‘’Nuh-uh-uh.’’ Sam said, shaking his head no multiple times. ‘’I’m not fighting her.’’
‘’Afraid you’re going to lose, Wilson?’’ Natasha said to him.
‘’Oh, I know I’m going to lose. That’s why I don’t want to fight her.’’
You pouted, putting your hands on your hips. ‘’I’ll take it easy on you, come on.’’
He eyed you suspiciously. ‘’Promise?’’
He extended his pinky towards you, you did the same and wrapped it around his. He shook your hands up and down, sealing your promise. It's something you had started way back when you first met. Pinky promises were the most sacred kind of promises and were never meant to be broken.
You started circling each other, giving him a chance to attack first. You gave him a few minutes to attack you, even let him land a punch or two. After 5 minutes, you started to actually fight him back and within the next minute Sam was laying flat out on his back, one of your knees barely pressing against his throat to keep him from moving.
Bucky was chuckling, Natasha was cheering for you and Steve was trying to hide the smile that was forcing its way onto his face while Sam looked up at you, betrayal written all over his face.
‘’What?’’ You asked.
‘’You said you would take it easy on me! You pinky promised!’’ His voice came out all high and squeaky from the emotions.
‘’Hey! I never broke a pinky promise.’’ Your tone was beyond serious. You pointed a finger at him. ‘’I did take it easy on you. Otherwise the only time you would have came close enough to even touch me would have been when I was taking you down.’’
Sam slapped your knee away from his throat and sat up. You took a few steps back and offered him your hand to help him get back up. He looked at your hand like it was the most disgusting thing he had ever seen and scoffed. He stood up, without your help.
‘’You’re such a big baby.’’ You shook your head.
He ignored you.
‘’We’ll see how long that lasts. I’m sure you’ll change your mind by dinner time when you realize you’ll have to cook for yourself because I’m only cooking for people who actually talk to me.’’
He scoffed. ‘’I can cook.’’
‘’Sure.’’ You said. ‘’If burning water counts as cooking, then sure.’’
‘’Ok, children. Enough.’’ Steve called out, putting an end to your bickering. ‘’Sam, get over it.’’ He added.
You smirked at him, a smug look on your face as you crossed your arms on his chest. ‘’Yes, Sam. Get over it.’’ You repeated.
‘’You think you’re soooo good uh?’’ He imitated you, crossing his arms on his chest.
‘’I know I’m good.’’ You shrugged.
‘’Fine. Then fight Steve. Or better yet, fight Tin-Man over there.’’ He pointed to Bucky.
You narrowed your eyes at him, a stern look on your face. ‘’Sorry, sorry.’’ He said, raising his hands in surrender. ‘’Fight Bucky.’’
You hated when he called Bucky ‘’Tin-Man’’.
You heard some shuffling on your right, Bucky took off his jacket and boots.
‘’Alright, I’m down. Let’s see what you’ve got baby doll.’’
You were all surprised to see him participate. Maybe a little too surprised because when he saw all of your faces he stopped in his tracks. ‘’What?’’
‘’Nothing, nothing.’’ Steve quickly reacted. ‘’Let’s see it.’’
You were both very nervous and very excited to go head to head with Bucky. He’d proven more than once that he was extremely skilled and you were curious to see how your skills measured up to his.
It turns out, you were actually pretty good but Bucky had a lot more years of practice than you did. You managed to make him break a sweat, which wasn’t easy. You almost managed to bring him down a few times but in the end, he won and you ended up with your back on the floor, like Sam had earlier.
Bucky smiled down at you and wiped his forehead with his flesh hand. ‘’That was actually pretty impressive.’’ He admitted.
You grinned at the compliment. ‘’Thank you.’’ He offered you his vibranium hand to help you up, which you gladly accepted. Once you were back on your feet, you turned your face to look at Sam. ‘’See? That’s how adults accept defeat.’’
Sam flipped you off and you gasped. ‘’Dude. Cap’s right there. What’s wrong with you? You know he’s sensitive to that stuff.’’
‘’I’m not that bad.’’ Steve said defensively.
You, Nat, Sam and even Bucky all looked at each other.
‘’Shit.’’ Sam said.
‘’Language!’’ Steve couldn’t help himself. You knew this was coming and you all said it at the same time as he did. He started to blush, quickly turning red.
‘’We should totally have a reverse swear jar. Every time someone curses and Steve reprimands them, he has to put a dollar in the jar.’’ You suggested.
‘’We’re gonna be rich!’’ Natasha smirked.
‘’You better start looking for a part time job Stevie, because I know what kind of pension the military gives to their vets and you’re going to run out very quickly.’’ You teased.
‘’How do you know how much we make?’’ Bucky asked curiously.
You plunged your hand into the top of your shirt and grabbed your dog tags, bringing them out to show them to him. ‘’Because I’m a vet.’’
Bucky looked shocked.
You put your tags back in your shirt. ‘’Don’t look so shocked.’’ You chuckled.
‘’I’m sorry it’s just that you look so…’’
‘’Small?’’ You finished for him.
‘’No. I was going to say you look so sweet. Like you wouldn’t hurt a fly.’’ He said, seriously.
‘’That’s exactly why I’m the perfect weapon.’’ You grinned.
He laughed and nodded, agreeing with you. ‘’I guess that’s true.’’
After that afternoon, you and Bucky got a lot closer. He had always appreciated having you around, you had this calming presence that he liked but after learning that you used to be a soldier, he connected to you in a different way. Though your past looked nothing like his, you could understand some of the things he went through, some of the things he saw and some of the things he had to do as the soldat.
You never judged him. You always listened to what he had to say and only talked when he expected you to. Sometimes, he’d only need to talk about it; to get it all out and once he was done he’d just change subject. You had come to learn when he needed you to comfort him versus when he needed to confess just from the tone of his voice.
Bucky liked to flirt with you. A lot. He always called you baby doll, complimented you and winked at you. You knew it was just because there were only two girls around here and Natasha would have shut it down quickly. It wasn’t because he actually liked you, he was just lonely.
That’s why you let him do it, sometimes you even flirted back just to tease him. But when a man as handsome and kind as Bucky Barnes shows you that kind of attention, at some point your heart just gives in.
You kept repeating to yourself that Bucky wasn’t actually interested in you, he was just being his charming self. Steve had told you many stories about Bucky back in the 30s and 40s. He was a ladies’ man. Now that he could finally be himself again, there were no ladies around and he did what he could with what he’s got. You kept repeating it to yourself over and over again but your heart stopped caring a few weeks in. You had developed a very big crush on him.
You tried to hide it as best as you could, though you don’t think anyone would notice even if you didn’t but you wanted to save yourself the humiliation of having him turn you down. Why would a man like him be interested in a woman like you? He wouldn’t.
There were times when you’d let yourself believe it when he complimented you or when he hugged you a little longer than usual. You thought it was normal, he hadn’t been touched in a soothing way in a very long time and he probably missed it so when he lingered, you just hugged him a little bit tighter and he loved it.
Little did you know that Bucky had the biggest crush on you, since the day you had asked him to teach you his knife trick back on the highway before he went under cryo in Wakanda. You amazed him. You were an absolute badass and you had the best sense of humor. He loved hearing you bicker with Sam, he always thought you were witty and had funny comebacks. You were always perfectly sarcastic.
He never hid it. He flirted with you all the time and hugged you as often as he could without coming off as a creep. The day you fought him in training he had called you baby doll and it was a total slip up. Something he had called you only in his head but you didn't seem to mind so he kept calling you that and his heart wanted to burst out of his chest every time he saw your face lit up at the pet name.
You were the only girl he had ever called that. It was usually sweetheart or doll, and though it was more of the same with the second one; the baby in front of it made all the difference to him. Some night he even dreamt about a day when he could call you just baby. His baby. His girl.
Bucky was kind of shy, even though he hid it well. The only reason he flirted so openly with you is because everyone seemed to think it was just for fun. That it was just what he did.
Sam had picked up on something. He’d known you for so long that it didn’t take long before he noticed the way you looked at Bucky.
Bucky, Sam and Steve were sitting down at the dinner table one afternoon while Natasha and you were doing a perimeter check to make sure everything worked and that everything was where it was supposed to be. They tried to do it as often as possible, just a way for them to feel safe. Knowing that you were far outside, Sam took the opportunity to ask Bucky questions about you.
‘’So… You seem to be getting along pretty well with her.’’ Sam’s tone was playful, almost teasing him.
Bucky started to get nervous. ‘’What makes you say that?’’
‘’If I had a dollar for every time you called her baby doll or that I walked in on you two hugging like your life depended on it…’’ He trailed off.
‘’That’s just what I call girls.’’ Bucky scoffed, trying to downplay it.
‘’Do you like her?’’ Steve chimed in.
‘’Of course I like her, she’s my friend.’’
‘’Ok but do you like her, like her?’’ Steve asked again, this time being more specific.
‘’What? No.’’ He scoffed like it was the stupidest thing he had ever heard. ‘’Why would I? I know we’re stuck in here with only her and Natasha, but come on. I’m not that desperate. I’d sooner go for Natasha than I would her.’’
Bucky hated himself for saying those things the moment they had come out of his mouth. Why did he say any of those things? He could have just told them the truth or just say he wasn’t interested. He was so scared they would run off to tell you that he just panicked and went way too far.
Steve and Sam frowned. Both of them were about to stand up for you but froze in place when you walked in.
You had heard everything.
You’d just come back from your perimeter check with Natasha and heard the boys talking. You went looking for them. You arrived right as Steve was asking Bucky if he liked you. You knew you should have walked away but you were really curious. What if he did like you? Maybe all those times he flirted with you meant something.
You really should have walked away.
He’s not that desperate? What does that even mean? Bucky was definitely out of your league, you knew that, but were you that bad that just the idea of liking you disgusted him? Why did he even waste his time pretending to be your friend? You were heartbroken and completely crushed.
Tears were stinging your eyes, a result of your sadness and the anger you felt from his words. You felt humiliated. You took several deep breaths to calm yourself and to keep yourself from crying.
You don’t know where the courage came from, but you wanted them to know you had heard everything so instead of turning around and going into your room, you walked into the kitchen.
You weren’t brave enough to look at any of them, so you just stared straight ahead. You walked to the fridge to take a bottle of water and walked right out without so much as a glance to any of them.
Then, you almost ran to your room and shut the door silently, locking it behind you as you finally allowed yourself to cry.
Bucky’s heart was beating out of his chest the moment he saw you walk in. You never made a single noise when you walked and even with his enhanced hearing he couldn’t hear you coming most of the time. Like right now. You couldn’t have heard him, right? He clenched his fists under the table, his gaze never leaving you.
The three of them were looking at you as you moved around the kitchen until you walked out.
‘’You don’t think she heard…?’’ Bucky asked, though he knew the answer.
Every time you walked into a room and someone was there, you’d greet them with the biggest smile. The fact that you hadn’t looked at any of them was all he needed to know that you’d heard him.
Both Steve and Sam were aware of your crush, they just pretend not to for your sake. That’s why both of the men had pressed Bucky about it, they were curious to know if he felt the same. Now they regretted asking as they played a part in you getting your heart broken.
Steve spoke as he stood up. ‘’I’m gonna go see her.’’
Bucky shook his head and grabbed Steve’s wrist. ‘’No, I’ll go.’’
‘’I think you’ve said enough about her and to her for the day.’’ Steve’s tone showed his anger though his face was relaxed.
Steve hesitated for a few seconds before seating back down.
Bucky quickly got up and headed straight to your room, cursing himself in his head the whole way there.
He froze in front of your door when he heard you sniffle. You were crying. You were crying and it was his fault.
He raised his flesh hand and knocked a few times against your door. He couldn’t hear anything coming from the other side, which meant you hadn’t moved to come open the door.
‘’It’s Bucky…’’ He waited a few seconds. ‘’Can we- Can we talk?’’
He heard you trying to muffle the sound of you crying, you knew he could hear you.
It broke his heart. He hated himself so much for making you suffer. He really needed to learn to keep his stupid mouth shut.
‘’Come on, baby doll. Open the door, please.’’ He tried again.
He waited a few minutes outside your door, hoping you’d finally open the door but you never did. He wished you would have told him to fuck off or screamed at him, anything would have been better than silence.
He was about to knock again when Sam appeared at the end of the hallway. He looked at Bucky and crossed his arms on his chest. Bucky looked at him, hoping he was here to help him get you out but Sam simply shook his head no and motionned for him to get away from your door.
You were relieved when you finally heard Bucky walk away. The longer you’d be able to avoid him, the better. You were so stupid. Falling for someone that you didn’t deserve, someone you couldn’t avoid because you were literally confined into this house with him. Or more precisely stuck, as he had put it so kindly.
You laid in your bed, under your covers and closed your eyes. You were exhausted and all you wanted to do was sleep.
It was almost dinner time and everyone was waiting to see if you were going to come out of your room. You were always the one to cook for them, though they weren’t expecting you to do it tonight, they just really wanted you to come talk to them.
You weren’t hungry nor did you feel like talking to anyone. The last thing you wanted right now, was to share your humiliation with everyone.
Taking turns, they all came knocking on your door throughout the night in the hopes that maybe you’d talk to one of them. None of them succeeded.
Sam spent the entire night glaring at Bucky. He was fiercely protective of you. What Bucky had said about you had pissed him off but the fact that you had heard him and that you were hurt? He wanted to punch him. He would have if he knew it would actually hurt the super soldier.
The perks of having a bathroom directly connected to your room was that you literally never had to leave your bedroom. The only thing missing was food but you weren’t hungry so for now it was fine.
The team finally saw you again almost 24 hours later. They were all sitting down at the dinner table and were talking while eating when you walked in, putting a stop to their conversation.
‘’I seem to be doing that a lot lately.’’ You mumbled to yourself under your breath.
Bucky was about to get up to come talk to you but Steve grabbed him by the wrist and kept him firmly seated.
‘’Don’t.’’ He warned him, whispering so that you wouldn’t hear him.
Bucky glared at him and pulled at his arm so that Steve would let go. Steve lost his grip but quickly grabbed Bucky’s arm.
‘’Let go of me. I need to talk to her.’’ His voice almost came out as a growl.
You turned around to look at them.
‘’You need to talk to me?’’ You asked, looking at Bucky.
He stopped moving, looking like a deer caught in headlights. He didn’t expect you to look at him, even less to talk to him.
‘’Something you forgot to say yesterday? Maybe you wanted to make it clear that even if I was the last woman on Earth you wouldn’t touch me with a 10 foot pole? Or that being stuck here with me is so painful you’d rather go back under cryo?’’ You looked unphased but your tone was bitter.
Before anyone could speak you looked at the other 3 members of your team and smiled shyly at them. ‘’I’m sorry for ruining your dinner.’’ You said sincerely. ‘’Another thing to add to your list Bucky I guess.’’
You walked out and went back to your room.
No one dared to speak after you left. They all sat in silence. Sam was fuming in his chair, Steve was shaking his head and Natasha hesitated to follow you.
‘’You couldn’t let it go, could you?’’ Steve said to Bucky. ‘’I think you hurt the poor girl enough, do her a favor and leave her alone.’’
‘’No, I don’t want to leave her alone. I need to talk to her. I need to apologize.’’ Bucky insisted, earning a glare from Steve.
‘’You don’t need to do shit, aside from leaving her the hell alone.’’ This time it was Sam who spoke up. ‘’You could have simply said that you didn’t like her, you know, we would have moved on from the subject and she never would have had to hear what you thought of her. Don’t even get me started on the way you played with her by flirting with her all the time. She never did anything to you to deserve to be talked about in the way that you did.’’ Sam got up.
Steve looked at him as he stood up. ‘’Sam…’’
‘’No. No. He needs to hear this. She heard what he had to say, now he’s the one who’s gotta listen.’’ He was almost screaming at this point, you could hear him clearly all the way to your room.
You opened your bedroom door and stayed in the doorway to listen to Sam. He rarely screamed but when he did…
‘’That girl back there is the best damn woman I’ve ever known in my entire life.’’ Sam put his hand on Natasha’s shoulder. ‘’No offense.’’ He said to her, his tone a lot softer.
‘’Don’t apologize. It’s true.’’ She smiled.
‘’This woman saved my life more times than I can count. I trust her with my life and with the life of everyone I love. She puts everyone before herself and she never even expects a thank you. She does it because she has a big heart. She always stood up for you. ALWAYS. Whether you were here or not. If she heard anyone bad mouthing you she’d call them out and make them apologize. Do you know how many times she slapped me for calling you anything that wasn’t James, Buck or Bucky? She’s had your back since day one. Day one!!!’’ Sam was screaming again.
‘’You should have stayed in Wakanda, man. She didn’t deserve you talking about her this way.’’ He had lowered his voice to say this last bit.
Sam stepped aside and turned around, moving to go see you but Bucky stopped him by talking.
‘’I like her.’’ His voice was barely audible.
Sam turned around to look at him, one eyebrow raised. He looked beyond pissed. ‘’What did you just say?’’
‘’I like her.’’ He repeated louder.
‘’You like her?’’ Sam asked like he couldn’t believe what he had just heard. ‘’Man, what the hell is wrong with you?’’
‘’I’ve liked her since the day we had to fight Stark at the airport.’’ He started, looking down at his hands. ‘’I panicked when you asked me about it because I didn’t want anyone to tell her that I did. I didn’t think she’d ever like me back. Why would she, after everything that I have done?’’ He laughed sadly.
‘’I didn’t want to lose her as a friend so I panicked and all these words came out of my mouth and it was just the complete opposite of how I really feel about her. She’s the last person I ever wanted to hurt Sam, I swear.’’ He looked up to meet Sam’s eyes to show how sincere he truly was.
‘’She’s everything you said and more and… I don’t deserve someone like her. I don’t deserve to be loved by her. Not after what I’ve done. To her, to the people that were my targets. I wanted to keep her around me before the universe realized that they had given me a good thing and decided to take her away. I panicked, okay? And I’m going to hate myself forever for hurting her.’’
He sighed, rubbing his hands over his face. ‘’If I could leave, believe me I would. I’d get as far from her as possible to make sure I’d never hurt her again.’’
He kept his face buried in his hands, too scared to see the look on everybody’s faces.
You heard everything.
You were touched to tears when you heard Sam angrily scream all the amazing things he thought about you. After last night, it was comforting to hear good things about yourself. Without realizing it, you were walking towards the kitchen. You wanted them to stop fighting. Bucky started talking and you stopped moving, hiding behind the wall leading to the kitchen.
He had hurt you, deeply, but after hearing all of this, how could you stay mad at him? He sincerely regretted what happened. Could you really be surprised that the man who spent over 50 years being an emotionless, brain-washed killing machine had trouble talking about his feelings? It didn’t erase what he said but you felt a lot better now knowing that it wasn’t how he really felt about you.
You silently moved to stand in the doorway. Everyone but Bucky noticed you, as his face was still buried in both of his hands.
Without a word, the three of them left the room as quietly as possible. You walked into the kitchen and stood across from him, the table being the only thing putting distance between you.
‘’So, now you want to get as far away from me as possible uh?’’
Bucky lifted his head so quickly, you half expected him to break his neck. He couldn’t believe that he had put his foot in his mouth. Again. He was sure that he had lost you for good. As a friend or otherwise. Until he finally looked at you and saw that you were smiling. You were smiling. At him.
God, he had missed that smile. He stood up and walked towards you, stopping before he completely reached you to leave some distance between the two of you.
‘’If that’s what you want me to do, I will.’’ He looked straight into your eyes.
‘’Maybe… Maybe I should want you to leave but I don’t want you to go.’’
He took a step towards you.
‘’You want me to stay?’’ He asked, still looking into your eyes so he’d see if you were just trying to be polite because you knew he technically couldn’t go anywhere or if it’s how you truly felt.
Though if you’d ask him to leave, he would. He’d go on the run again, he’d risk getting arrested and put in jail if it was the only way he could show how truly sorry he was.
He took another step towards you. ‘’I’m sorry.’’
Your smile faltered. ‘’It’s okay.’’ You said before smiling sadly at him.
He shook his head and closed the distance between the two of you. He gently took your face in his hands and when you didn’t make any movement to push him away, he put a little bit of pressure under your chin to tilt your head up so he could look down into your eyes.
‘’No. It’s not okay. I hurt you, that makes it not okay. I should have never said what I said, whether you were there to hear it or not. Especially when I didn’t mean a single word of what I said.’’ He brushed his thumbs against your cheeks, so softly you could barely feel them.
‘’I’m so sorry, baby doll.’’ His voice was almost breaking from the pain and the guilt. ‘’I’ll do whatever it takes to make it up to you so that one day you can forgive me. I hope you can forgive me.’’
You could see the guilt in his eyes and it made you sad. How did everything go so wrong so quickly?
You rested your hands on his sides, holding onto his shirt. He slowly leaned in and rested his forehead against yours, closing his eyes. Never letting go of your face in his hands.
‘’Can we be friends again?’’ He whispered.
You simply nodded as best as you could as his forehead was still against yours.
‘’Can you forgive me?’’ He whispered again, opening his eyes to look into yours.
You probably should stay mad at him, maybe you shouldn’t even forgive him but Bucky Barnes was like your kryptonite and when it came to him, it would take more than a fight to keep you away from him.
‘’You better never do anything or say anything to hurt me again.’’ You warned him.
‘’I won’t. I promise you I won’t.’’ He answered quickly.
You took a moment to look at him before giving him an answer. He brushed his nose softly against yours, repeating over and over again ‘’I promise.’’ and you believed him.
Deep down, you knew he’d probably hurt you again or maybe you would be the one to hurt him because these things happen, but it won’t ever be on purpose and in this moment he truly believed that he would never be the cause of your pain ever again.
‘’I forgive you.’’
The way his eyes lit up to these three little words confirmed to you that you had made the right decision.
Bucky Barnes owned your heart but you, you owned his everything. He’d go through hell and back if it meant putting a smile on your face.
He finally let go of your face to wrap his arms around your waist and pulled you closer until there was no more space between your bodies. He leaned down to bury his face in your neck, covering your skin with kisses.
In that moment, he made a promise to himself to spend the rest of his life showing you how much he loved you and how amazing you were, treating you the only way you deserved to be treated and to never give you a reason to be mad at him ever again.
He lifted his head up to look at you again. He kissed your forehead. ‘’You’re the only one I’ve ever called baby girl.’’
He kissed one of your cheeks then the other. ‘’I’m never going to be stuck anywhere with you because I want to be with you every minute of every day.’’
He kissed the tip of your nose, whispering the last part ‘’Natasha never stood a chance against you. No woman did.’’
Bucky finally confessed what he should have said, what he had wanted to say when the guys asked him about you, what he wished were the first things you’ve heard instead of what he had actually told them.
You owned him, his heart and his everything.
You were his everything.
Thank you to the anon that requested this from the prompt lists. I love angst so much! I hope you liked it.
[Taglist: @n3ssm0nique | @letsgoparty-ah-ah-ah-yeah | ]
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you never loved her like i do.
summary: you were steve’s girl until he left you for peggy. consumed by grief and betrayal, you begin to give up on your life. until bucky finds you. will you be able to heal each other, or are you simply too broken?
note: my first series eeep!! i’ve literally just started writing for this and i’m aiming to get out a chapter a week. if you want to be added to a taglist for this series send me an ask, but i’m hoping to get the first chapter out by the weekend :)
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𝐭𝐚𝐬𝐭𝐞 𝐬𝐨 𝐬𝐰𝐞𝐞𝐭
summary: you and bucky were slowly starting to act like a real couple, but still horny as before, if not more.
warnings: smut, oral, unprotected sex, praise kink, hair pulling, alcohol consumption (beer), swearing, minors dni, jealousy, possessive!bucky, a very surprise character joining, usage of pet names (sweets), some fluff and some angst if you squint
a/n: technically this is the final episode of the series sweet, the next episode is going to be like an epilogue and god know when i’ll publish it... hope you guys liked my series please provide some feedbacks/reblogs 💖
part vi of series sweet
Even though the morning felt like you were burning in hell, the light breeze of the evening welcomed you. Taking the stress of the extreme heat from your body. You hated sweating, but again who did?
You were reading the newspaper you bought from the corner as you saw someone sitting across from you. “Hi there.” You smiled when his voice filled your ears, raising your head from the newspaper.
“You’re late.” You blurted, carefully folding the newspaper, placing it next to your mug.
“Sorry about that. I was meaning to call you but afraid you lost your phone again.” You chuckled at him, raising your mug to your lips.
“Come on, moving is never easy. Things get lost.” You said as you placed your mug back on table, leaning in towards him. “Also now there’s someone who I’m looking forward to call me.” You winked.
“That’s good to hear.” He answered. Signaling the waitress to give his order. “Your car is ready right? I don’t want to get stuck on the road again.” You rolled your eyes at him. It was a one time thing, and you were the one who got stuck on the road; not him.
“Yes, I’ve talked with the mechanic. He promised that it won’t be a problem.” He nodded. The waitress came back with the coffee he ordered. Blocking his sight, so he cocked his head to see you.
“So we can get to road, all safe and sound? Sam’s been texting, he’s a bit eager.” He raised his eyebrow. You nodded with a sigh. "I still don't get why don't we take my bike. It's faster, and way younger than your old junk you call a car."
"I like my car. It was a gift from my grandfather who loved his car too. Besides it has more space and who knows, maybe we'd get bored, extra space may come in handy." You raised your eyebrows at him, hoping he would get the hint.
"That's a good point yeah. We should definitely get your car." He said as he drank his coffee in a hurry, rushing you to get on the car.
You tried to hold your giggles when you saw the shocked expression on the waitress’ face. Seeing Bucky pulling you by your arm towards the exit like a kid pulling his mother to the toy store.
"You missed the exit." You murmured, rolling your eyes. "You're driving like a grandpa."
"What do you mean? I drive perfect. You're the one who is driving like a maniac. May I remind you off your speeding tickets?"
"Ugh, there would be no ticket if the officer was a male. She hated how good I was in that top. You know that one, the one you tore in two!" You snapped, still missing your gorgeous top.
"Yeah, sorry about that. I'll buy you a new one."
"It was vintage, and costed a really good amount of my salary. You better buy me something much better mister." He chuckled as his went to your cheek, cupping it as his eyes were glued to the road.
"I'll buy you anything you want from me. Now can you help me? I don't want to miss another exit, if I do we'll be circling around. Sam doesn't like waiting." You could not miss the fact that his cheeks were a bit blushed, from missing the exit third time in a row.
Also nervous since it would be the first time he is attending a baby shower party, with you as his date. God knows that he didn't have to worry about those kind of stuff in his days.
He hated crowds, and big parties but again, Sam confronted him and semi forced him to come or else. His biggest and only relieve was that you would be there, he knew he could count on you if he got overwhelmed.
"He would be too busy to notice that we didn't show up yet, so relax could you?" You said hand going over your thigh.
"It's easy to say, you're always the light of the parties when you're in a good mood." He joked, trying not to focus on the warmness of your palm on his thigh, too close to his cock.
"Pull over." You said, trying to sound as seductive as possible. Even though there was already bulge in his pants.
"I said pullover, the road is empty, go on." You said, your hand squeezing his thigh. It was hard to not understand your intentions. He did as he was told, unbuckling his belt and turning his face to you.
Your hand reached to his zipper, slowly bulling it down. It was nice that he took of his belt. You always had a problem with it. "Okay, you're tense as a rock. I'm doing this as a favor." You explained, he raised his hips so you could push his boxers and pants down.
Hand palming his cock until it reached it's full size. You swiped your thumb over his slit; hearing him groan under your touch. He buckled his hips towards your touch; wanting more. You saw how his metal hand held your driving wheel, almost bending the poor metal. Your other hand went to his balls as you leant down, licking his tip. "F-fuck!" He groaned pushing himself towards you. "Don't tease." You chuckled leaning again and taking him into your mouth this time.
He was thick and big, you knew you'd have a sore jaw at the party but you didn't mind. You moaned, when his cock filled your mouth. Tongue moving along his veins, applying slight pressure. He groaned at the softness of your mouth. He could feel his precum leaking into your mouth, you swirled your tongue around his tip, licking it off.
You gagged around him, when he met the back of your throat. He could feel the vibrations hit his balls. “F—fuck! So good.” He tasted so good on your tongue, you knew you could even get addicted. The tip of your nose almost hitting his pelvic bone, he was shaven but the small bits of hair was perking up.
You hallowed your cheeks, hands covering the parts your mouth couldn’t take. It felt like heaven towards him, he could feel his balls spasm. He was a moaning mess under your touch. Mouth hung open and eyes were closed. He knew he was close. “I—I’m about to cum.” He warned you, hand going to your hair. You shook your head, telling him it was okay to cum in your mouth.
He moaned, as he emptied himself in your mouth, filling your mouth with his cum. Slowly pulling himself back, and tucking his softened cock back to his pants.
You swallowed all of him before you raised your head, thumb luciously swiping the leaked ones. You sucked on your thumb, humming at his taste before winking at him. "Get back to road Sarge. We shouldn't keep them waiting for a long time." He stood there, realising one more time how lucky he was since you chose to be with him. He felt like this were all just a dream, and if somebody would wake him up. He'd make sure they'd be wanting to be dead.
The party, surprisingly more upbeat from the previous one. A loud music blasting on the background; you immediately blended in, started chatting with the guests. That was your friend’s version of the ‘baby shower’ making her guests drunk since she couldn’t get drunk. And receiving presents for her baby. It was more similar to a frat party than a baby shower.
Your friend, who finally started showing cornered you, the only sober one at the party. "Okay, I want to hear all about it. Don't you dare to be all secret or we're just hanging around vibe with me. I'm the only one whose not drinking so you could at least give me something juicy." You laughed at her, raising your bottle to your lips.
"Fine. I met him at Madripoor, we've been seeing each other ever since but there was a slight break after your last party. Since we weren't exclusive back then but we've decided..." You trailed on still couldn't put exact words into describe what the two of you were.
"What?" She asked, the corners of her mouth almost reached her ears.
"Let's say ‘to be more’." You said, she had a relieved expression on her face. Her hand going to your shoulder giving you a gentle squeeze.
"I'm really happy for you, he sounds like a nice guy adding to the fact he is hot as hell. You deserve to have a decent relationship." You smiled at her words. Giving her a small hug, whispering a thank you to her ear.
On the other corner of the room, Bucky was facing with way more questions then you. "I knew her face looked familiar." Sam gushed out, a goofy smile on his face thanks to his fourth beer. "I'm surprised you two didn't end up sooner, since you two had been together since Madripoor." He said shaking his head. He waved his hand, when he saw his sister, Sarah walking towards them.
"Long time no see." Sarah said to Bucky, a genuine smile on her face.
"It's nice to see you again." Bucky answered, as he hugged her.
"You better have a good excuse for not showing up sooner." Sarah joked, semi-flirting with him still. It was all about pissing her brother off.
"Yes, he does. Bucky finally found himself a girl who can wake up to this grumpy old face everyday." Sam joked, hitting at his arm.
"Really? It's nice to hear that." Sarah answered, but Bucky's eyes wandered around the room. Their voices slowly turning down since he lost his interest.
He was trying to figure out where you were. He already missed you, you two accidentally separated your ways when you made it to the party.
His eyes finally found you at the corner, talking with someone whose face didn't ring any bell. You were smiling and standing too close to him for his taste.
He could feel the jealousy running up in his veins, he shouldn't feel like that. He didn't want to be like an old-fashioned man who got jealous as soon as someone talked with his girlfriend. To be fair, he was already 106 years old and dating someone in her late twenties.
He saw that guy holding you close to himself, hand running over your arm, stopping to hold you close by waist. That's when he saw red. "Excuse me." Bucky murmured as he started walking towards you, more like running.
"I haven't seen you since college. You flew across the country as soon as you got your degree and didn't even say goodbye." Johnny whined, pulling you close to him so you can hear what he was saying over the loud music. You two were too close to speakers to have a conversation without standing close to each other.
"Can you blame me? West Coast was getting too much for me and I needed a way out. Surprisingly plane tickets were cheap then." He laughed at your joke, nodding his head.
"Since I'm here for a few more days we should definitely catch up. I wonder what's going on in your life." You nodded, giving him your phone number around the time Bucky showed up.
Wrapping his arm around your shoulder, pulling you closer. He set you free from Johnny's touch. "Hey there!” You giggled, head a bit dizzy from the alcohol you’ve consumed. “Let me introduce you. Bucky this is Johnny. Johnny this is Bucky. Johnny is a close friend of mine from college." You explained as you turned towards Bucky, huge smile covering your face.
"Whom you left behind in college, so I assume we weren’t that close." You laughed, feeling Bucky's arm tense around. But still he put a soft smile, a definitely fake one, on his face and reached his hand.
"Johnny Storm. Nice to meet you." Bucky nodded, pulling you closer to him. He might have squeezed his hand a bit too hard, but thankfully Johnny was used to it.
"Nice to meet you, but she and I are needed for help in back there." You could have a chance to say a small goodbye before Bucky pulled you to the small bathroom at the corner.
"What was that?" You asked chuckling as he locked the door. He sighed before turning towards you.
"I missed you." He mumbled before making you sit next to the sink, seperating your legs before knealing down in front of you. "I missed you so much." He started peppering kisses on your exposed legs.
He wasn’t going to show you how jealous he was. He wasn’t going to show you his insecure side. He knew it was wrong for him to do that, and he was already feeling bad about getting jealous.
"It's not even an hour since we last spoke." You joked, feeling your wetness grow as his lips were trailing along your thighs.
"You can't blame me since you wore my favorite dress of yours." He groaned, pushing your underwear to the side. "You're lucky I've waited this long." He smirked at your wetness, metal fingers reaching out to smearing them around. You bit down your lower lip, trying not to sound too needy already. "Besides, it looks like I should return the favor, don't you think?" He loved his affect on you.
You were almost going to roll your eyes at his smug expression before he leant in and licked an achingly slow strap. You whimpered around his tongue, raising your hips to him slightly. "Relax, sweets. I've got you."
You chuckled at the pet name, hands going to his hair as he continued to lick and suck your folds. Tip of his tongue playing with your clit, drawing circles around it. He hummed at your taste, looking directly into your eyes.
You closed your eyes to the pleasure he was giving to you. You pulled his locks, pushing him closer to your mound as he was licking and sucking you gracefully. His subtle itching your thighs, you knew you'd have beard burn but you didn't care, not even one bit. He pushed his tongue inside of you, licking your walls before pushing a finger inside of you. "Bucky!" You breathed out, earning a chuckle from him.
"You're so wet sweets, my fingers basically slid in. Better add more." He pushed two more, making your back arch. You moaned at the faint pain of him strecthing you out. "That's it, be a nice girl and take all of them." He whispered, sucking your swollen clit.
You felt a wave of shiver hit you when he called you a ‘nice girl’. Your open mouth shaping to the form of a smile.
You knew your orgasm was close, could feel the pressure below your belly button. You could feel your walls tighten around his fingers. "So close aren't you? Do you want to be a good girl, and cum all around my fingers?" You nodded. So fast that your head spinned out. "Go on then, cum for me, sweets." He said as he curled them speeding up, pushing you over the edge.
You leant back as the orgasm washed over you. A loud moan leaving your lips. Watching Bucky rise back to his feet again, as you saw his bulge. "We need to take care of that too, also that rug on the floor seems cozy." You said, showing the floor. "I want to ride you." You blurted out, hopping off the counter.
"Sure you can handle it? I don't want you to tire yourself out." You nodded; pushing him down by his shoulders. He couldn’t hide his smile as he was sitting down.
"Yeah, yeah." You said, taking off his pants and boxers as his hands bunched up your skirt. You aligned yourself with a hand holding his hard cock, slowly sitting down. "So big." You moaned, raising your hips only to get down again. You both moaned in unison, his hands on your hips helping your movements.
The air was all thick around you, you could feel the droplets of sweats on your forehead, and could see the vein on his forehead. "You feel so good sweets, all wrapped around me eager to please." You smiled at him, giving him a longing kiss wrapping your arms around his shoulders to pull him closer.
His kiss was needy, he opened his mouth, sucking your tongue. You could taste your juices on his tongue and he could taste himself too. "Fuck, you're my good girl aren't you?" You nodded, fastening ass the praise filled your ears. You have a soft smile on your face, heart beat increasing every time with his praises. "Yeah you are my sweet girl. Only mine.”
A soft smile appeared on your lips, his fingers went to the strap of your summer dress, pushing it down so he could set your breasts free. Fingers playing with your hardened nipples, pinching them. You moaned again, not caring about the people who are on the other end of the door. The pleasure was too good to care. You could feel the tension built up again, your eyes closed getting faster to chase your orgasm.
"Fuck! You're too good for me, sweets. Milking my cock so good. You want to cum around me don't you?" He said, hand twisting your hair into a pony tail, pulling it down. You opened your eyes to meet his darkened ones. He leant towards your breasts, sucking one nipple. Biting down, so you could speak up.
"Yes! I want to cum! Please make me cum!" You cried out, feeling his teeth on your other nipple. He harshly bit it, metal fingers playing with your clit, making you cum around his cock. You almost fell on him, face buried on his neck.
"You did so good sweets. Let me take over a bit alright?" You mumbled something close to a yes. He switched your positions,, making you lie down on the soft fuzzy rug as he moved his hips. Arms wrapped around your waist, as he held you close. You wrapped your gello legs around his waist, allowing him to reach deeper. "Shit! I'm going to cum!" Bucky groaned, loosing himself to how wet and warm you were.
"Come inside me!" You responded kissing him again. “Please.” He shook his head, emptying himself inside you with a grunt.
When you two left the bathroom, it was obvious that you had the time of your life. Your hair was messy and your dress had wrinkles on them. While you were trying to fixing it, he had his arm around your shoulder. Walking you out.
“So sweets?” You raised your head, smiling at him.
He softly chuckled before cornering you between him and a wall, both hands on your hips. “Ugh yeah, I couldn’t stop myself you know how much I love the taste of your sweet pussy on my tongue.” He said as he licked your neck, slowly sucking the skin.
“Did you like it?” His ask filled your ears as you closed your eyes, wrapping your arms around his shoulders to pull him closer.
You smile at the realisation he broke all the rules you’ve set for him one by one. But as said before, rules are meant for to be broken.
“I loved it.”
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Away from Home - Dad!Bucky x Reader
Warnings: tiny tiny teasing, but just fluff
Author's Note: My niece decided to facetime because she missed me and I literally thought about this concept.
It had been two weeks that Bucky had been gone due to him having a mission overseas with Steve, Sam, and Natasha. You couldn't wait for him to come home, and the little ones couldn't wait either.
Every night, Bucky didn't fail on calling you. He wanted to talk to you, Leo, and hear Becca babble.
Wanda came over with Tommy and Billy. She wanted them to have a little play date with Leo since they haven't seen each other in a long time.
As you were getting Becca ready, you couldn't help but notice that you and Becca were wearing the same color scheme of clothes. You grabbed her and placed her on the side of your waist and sent a picture to Bucky, captioning it, 'Look, baby. We are matching.'
Bucky🤤❤️: It's not fair that I'm not there with you two. I have the most cutest princess and wife.
Bucky🤤❤️: also those shorts and that shirt. Doll, you have me drolling over here. You might make me want to ditch this mission to get a flight this minute.
Doll💕: One more day, Buck. I can't wait to show you how much I've missed you.😉
Bucky🤤❤️: Such a tease.
You place Becca down and give her your phone so she can watch her favorite cartoon. The moment she snatches your phone away from you, she starts to waddle away from you.
Becca watches her favorite cartoon lying down on her stomach on the floor. She starts to wonder on your phone and notices a picture icon of Bucky "dada," she mumbled. She clicks on the facetime icon.
Bucky hears his phone ring and notices that it was a facetime. It was odd for you to be calling this time of the day, so he immediately picked up.
The instant that he picked up, he notices that it was Becca on the floor. Bucky takes a big breath in relief that nothing bad might have happened.
"dada, hi" she had the biggest smile on her face and waves towards the camera. She babbled about her day. She had a wave of emotion trying to tell him everything.
Bucky had the biggest smile as he sees his princess and nodded his head every couple of seconds as he listened to every work Becca said.
In the background, Leo and Billy were running around with their superhero toys.
"Princess, where is momma?"
"MOOOOM" she yelled in the direction that you were.
"Yes, my love?" you yelled back.
"MOOOM" she yelled louder. Grabbing your attention, you walked to where Becca was lying.
You look down to notice that Bucky was on facetime with Becca. You grabbed your phone and proceeded to pick up Becca to place her in your arms. "Did you call dadda?" you said in a small voice to her.
Becca shakes her head as she giggled and digs her face onto your shoulder. You make sure to face the camera towards you and Becca.
"we'll call you later, Buck." You proceed to hang up the call.
Bucky🤤❤️: Wear those shorts when I come back tomorrow, Bunny. I can't wait to rip them off of you.
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