#janeandjoy

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[04/07/15]

Mark 2

{Jane}

* Is the story of the paralytic here the same as Matt 9? *

Since they could not get him to Jesus because of the crowd, they made an opening in the roof above Jesus by digging through it and then lowered the mat the man was lying on. (v. 4)

So. What strikes me about this story, this time around (I am assuming that it is the same story) is how great his friends are..HAHA.

They want this guy to be healed so badly that they go through such lengths for him (unless he like paid them off, yakno.. then this is awkward). 

How desperately do I want my friends’ healing and salvation? What am I willing to do? Am I willing to get down on my knees and pray with all my energy? How much does my heart break for my brothers & sisters? I get frustrated, upset, and heartbroken but do I really if I’m not even all that compelled to pray for them, persistently? 

{Joy} 

**uh, most likely? but I know that Jesus has many similar miracles/stories through out the gospels, like the multiple times he fed peeps with a couple loaves of bread and fish. I remember when I was little, I used to get confused because I thought it had only happened once. 

 V15-17: While Jesus was having dinner at Levi’s house, many tax collectors and sinners were eating with him and his disciples, for there were many who followed him. When the teachers of the law who were Pharisees saw him eating with the sinners and tax collectors, they asked his disciples: “Why does he eat with tax collectors and sinners?” 

This passage hits close to home. When it comes to grabbing lunch after Sunday service or choosing who to sit next to at a church event, I am a Pharisee. I sit next to the people I LIKE or feel comfortable with, meaning people who are like me. Just that last phrase in itself sounds superduper Pharisee-like. 

I remember one time at the end of freshmen year in family group, we were reflecting & sharing about what our year was like. I tried to share how I had grown through establishing friendships with people I had not imagined becoming close to. I wasn’t very eloquent though... I said I became friends with people “who were not like me.” In hindsight, as someone who has lived her entire life with the judgmental stereotype of being a Bible-thumping goody-two shoes (which, I may add, is a stereotype I WISH I could live up to), I should have known better than to say something like that. Immediately, someone in the family group retorted, “what do you mean, not like you...” I’m not sure if my mortified sentiments have been effectively communicated in this illustration, but it was pretty bad... He looked at me like I might as well have said “All you drinking, smoking, partying, Sunday skipping fools! I graced you with my friendship and learned a lot about your ways.” I’ve learned since then to really reflect on what is inside my heart so that the words of my tongue may reflect humbler thoughts. 

But I’m still guilty of not being open to reaching out to those who are really different from me. Even now, there’s a girl that I kinda sorta MAY BE avoiding at church. She always eagerly comes up to me to talk and bombard me with questions, but I usually try to engage in conversations with other people until I’m forced to face her. Mmm, I can’t really say why I don’t like to talk to her. I actually don’t know much about her. Part of me just wants to blame it on the introverted part of my personality that doesn’t like to mingle with people I do not know. But that’s a poor excuse for someone who claims that “I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength.” I think it’s more the fact that I don’t want to be inconvenienced with someone who I don’t see myself really having a future friendship worth investing time into. 

Just writing out that last sentence disgusts me. I am still a lot more sinful than I can bear to acknowledge. 

Praying for my heart to be stretched so that I may freely love others as Jesus loved me. 

#dailydevo #verseoftheday #janeandjoy #mark2 #love #Jesus

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[03/28/15]

Matthew 19

{Jane}

The part about the wealthy guy in the last portion of this passage really resonates. I think that it connects well with my recent reflections.

Jesus replied, “‘You shall not murder, you shall not commit adultery, you shall not steal, you shall not give false testimony, 19 honor your father and mother,’ and ‘love your neighbor as yourself.” 20 “All these I have kept,” the young man said. “What do I still lack?”

I think this mindset/question that the guy has is very similar to my struggle. I was, and still to a very large degree, have a very, “I’m doing all the ‘right’ things, like praying, qt, service, etc. But there’s something missing. There must be something more that I can do because this isn’t really working/doing what I want/need it to do for me” mentality.

What is Jesus’ answer to him?

21 Jesus answered, “If you want to be perfect, go, sell your possessions and give to the poor, and you will have treasure in heaven. Then come, follow me.” 22 When the young man heard this, he went away sad, because he had great wealth.

The man didn’t want to give up what he valued so greatly in his life. If God asked me to give up the things I wanted most, would I respond any better? Naw, bro. I’d rebel and throw a tantrum. 

I think one of the biggest issues with my spiritual condition right now is because of the lack of change in heart. I need to be transformed from the inside or all of my external actions will never amount to much. 

I would try to be more eloquent but I’m too tired to think properly. Heh. 

{Joy}

Sigh, today was quite a challenging day for me. A good friend was in town, and a group of our closest friends met up for dinner & fun stuff. After dinner, said friend wanted to go to a bar for munchies and drinks. Now, I would never judge someone else for their decision to drink. That’s their situation with God, and only God may judge. But I do have a reasoning that follows why I am inclined to think that drinking, and social drinking in particular, is not biblical. 

Unless you actually have an acquired taste for it, alcohol itself actually tastes disgusting. My friends usually point me to some fruity, sugary alcoholic drink that doesn’t taste like alcohol. But then, why not just drink juice or soda? Most of my Christian friends believe that drinking is okay as long as you’re not getting drunk, aka drinking enough for the stuff to affect you mentally. So... if you’re not drinking for the effects of alcohol, which impair your judgement and disconnect your spirit from being 100% child-of-God-you (hence unbiblical), why drink a sugary drink that tastes nothing like alcohol when you can drink a delicious, non-alcoholic, usually less expensive, drink? Beats me.

It is challenging for me to discern what is the best way to handle a situation such as tonight. I love my friends. I want to be in their company. However, what should my course of action be when I witness their participation in ungodly activities.. if I’m even allowed to label their behavior as such? Am I supposed to be the Salt and Light by.. leaving the vicinity? Or can I go with them, but just refrain from drinking? (Which is what I ended up doing.) And is that enough? 

And today’s passage makes me really pray for discernment as to what or whom I should let go of in order to follow Jesus correctly. 

V29: And everyone who has left houses or brothers or sisters or father of mother or wife or children or fields for my sake will receive a hundred times as much and will inherit eternal life. 

God, are my friends included in this category? What is the best way to love them and love You at the same time? When I think about the Cross, esp in this Lent Season, doing anything that may mess with my judgement and spirit seems so idiotic and dangerous. Jesus paid such a high price for my sin... dare I willingly sin again? But life after 21 is so tough these days. God I need Your wisdom and discernment and DISCIPLINE!

#Daily Devo #Matthew 19 #janeandjoy #verseoftheday #friends #jesus

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[03/17/15]

Matthew 9

{Jane}

This is a story of a paralytic being brought before Jesus.

When Jesus saw their faith, he said to the paralytic, “Take heart, son; your sins are forgiven.” (v. 2)

Okay. So I think it’s safe to assume that the men brought this guy to Jesus in the hopes that he would be physically healed. And they go to Him with this hope, because they believe that He can do it. Why would you waste your time if you didn’t, yakno?

This is a follow-up to my reflection from Matthew 8, basically. 

The thing is, Jesus doesn’t heal his paralysis (right away). Instead, the man is forgiven of his sins. Honestly, I probably would’ve been like, “Wtheck Jesus?! How you gon’ play me like that?! Why won’t you heal me when you’ve been performing these miracles for everyone else?”

Two things.

One. How much greater is it that Jesus has forgiven me of my sins than being given the other desires of my heart? Not that God doesn’t ever answer our prayers with what we want. And not that He doesn’t work and perform more visibly in our lives. But, how often do I get too focused on that stuff? How often do I reflect on the work of the cross? That’s where my foundational joy, confidence, and hope should lie.

The healing, does, however come. The physical one. But that wasn’t Jesus’ initial response. And not to say that, if you wait long enough, God will give you what you were asking for.. but, I think is another reminder of 1) God’s timing and 2) That God is always capable. Just because my prayer isn’t answered, doesn’t mean it’s because He can’t. It’s just that God isn’t always going to give us the specific miracles that I’m praying and hoping for.

Two. Not that this is how the paralytic responded.. but as I typed out how I think I would respond.. how often do I do that? I’m also reading through the OT as a part of my bible reading plan, and I recently read some of those, “Why do the wicked prosper?” verses. Alright. Wicked is not the word I want to use right now. But, do I look at others and wonder why God gives them a seemingly “perfect” or “happier” life than mine? Absolutely. Especially more so now. I ask God why it works out for other people but not me. It’s frustrating. It’s frustrating when I see people who have fallen so far from God get job offers, be in happy relationships, be surrounded by friends & I sit here, wondering why I’m not being “rewarded” even though I’ve poured so much of myself out in the past 2.5 years, and more. 

But why does that matter? God will answer me in His timing, how HE deems best. In the mean time, I think it’s time to be led back to the cross & that I’ve already been given way more than I could ever deserve.

{Joy}

V12, 13: On hearing this, Jesus said, “It is not the healthy who need a doctor, but the sick. But go and learn what this means: ‘I desire mercy, not sacrifice.’ For I have not come to call the righteous, but sinners.”

Reading this passage, reminds me of the prior Matthew passage concerning the plank in my eye. And it also brings me to a conversation I had with Jane last night. I am more than ready to admit my flaws and sins, and I am thankful for a Savior and friends who are gracious to my shortcomings; why is it so hard to be gracious towards the shortcomings of others? 

I’m probably the worst when it comes to being gracious towards others. I get frustrated and irritated easily. Honestly, it doesn’t take much to annoy me. I was mentioning to Jane how I used to loathe this one girl in high school. She was always happy, like always. I would even call her 눈치없어... which she really was AHAH. I had other friends who didn’t like her because her persona was overbearingly chipper to a point where it felt unnatural and unnecessary. I used to justify my dislike for her by pointing out things that she would do or say that would impact me negatively. I often felt that she was unrealistic and impossible. She was a christian, and she frustrated me, because according to my experience, being a christian isn’t all sugarplums and fairy dust. In hindsight, I realize that God was simply working in her a way that was different from the He was working in me. Just because she was different, didn’t give me the right to decide that she was wrong. And today, I am still very much a hot mess in progress, saved only by the Grace of God. PTL, Hallelujah. 

I fight to extend mercy towards people who are different from me. I often search for “advice” or “solutions” that I may offer people who are struggling. But I know that God is definitely sending me some red flags in the way I interact with people. Broken people need mercy; we are all broken. I pray that I will be reminded of WWJD? every time that my heart needs to extend grace and mercy towards people who are different, perhaps even deliberately sinning. My calling is not to shame, or even try to “fix” people. My calling is to be an extension of Christ, and if dying on the cross to save mankind isn’t the definition of mercy.. well yea. You know what I mean. :)

#daily devo #matthew 9 #janeandjoy #verseoftheday #grace #faith #mercy #Jesus

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[03/15/15]

Matthew 7

{Jane}

I’m going to be extremely honest right now. This chapter didn't have anything new & insightful for me. It’s the usual, “reminder to not be judgmental” kind of thing for me right now. But I have been better about my over-critical ways.

The one thought I did get while reading verse 2 -

For in the same way you judge others, you will be judged, and with the measure you use, it will be measured to you.

was, “Wow. That’s pretty scary.. If I’m going to be judged the way that I judge others, it is not looking good for me.. HAHA

Which is super humbling.. Even though this is the same message for me, it’s still humbling and a needed rebuke. Because even though I’ve been better, I’m still very far from perfect.

I was just ranting SUPER angrily the other day about some people.. And I used to have this, give credit where credit is due, despite what frustrations or mistakes people made.. but that kind of went out the window in the past few months. Which.. is not good. And I've been trying to work on that again, too.

{Joy}

V6: “Do not give dogs what is sacred; do not throw your pearls to pigs. If you do, they may trample them under their feet, and turn and tear you to pieces.”

While reading this chapter, this verse stuck out to me like a thorn. In context, this verse follows the passage on not judging others and precedes passage on “Ask, Seek, Knock”. In the formatting of Biblegateway, this single verse is given its own paragraph. The change in direction was confusing. What is the thing that is sacred? What are our pearls?

To gain a better understanding, I tried to reflect on what God might consider sacred in my life--sacred being sacred not because it was mine, but because it belonged to God. My time, my attention, my affection, my devotion, my hard work, my heartache, memory space in my brain, my worship, my body.... so basically all of me? 

My time, because every second of my life is an opportunity given to me by God to use wisely, hopefully for Him. (Made me reflect once more on why I was created.) My attention & affection, because my God is a jealous God. My devotion & hard work, because He called me to Kingdom building before building anything else. My heart/heartache/heartbreak, because Jesus demands to be my First Love and would be saddened by any injury to a heart that belongs to Him. Memory space in my brain, because my past shapes my actions in the present and future. My worship... for obvs reasons. My body, because keeping it healthy makes me a better temple for God. 

And then I thought about all the dogs that I've been giving my sacred things to and the resulting consequences. I've given my time away, wasted, to temporary pleasures. My attention & affection have surely been thrown to people and possessions. My entire academic career has been a war over the object of my devotion. My heart... well yea. HAHA I've made some pretty stupid choices. Which lead me to my memories. Memories with other people, other activities, other emotions have shaped who I am. I wish I could say the memories of intimacy with God dominated my mind, but they don't. And I sure have worshiped and idolized a lot of things in my short life. And my body? Well... I’m trying to stay in shape now HAHA. Darn the temptation of pizza, chocolate, and everything else that is delicious. 

And what has become of the these? These “dogs” have torn me to pieces; broken, disappointed, bitter, depressed, suffocating from my consequences.  I make a lot of decisions based on a cost-benefit analysis, and in many cases, I predict that the consequences of my actions could never be that bad. And I end up torn in pieces. 

I pray that I would seek God’s wisdom and direction as I prayerfully choose where to “throw my pearls”. I don’t know if I can handle much more of being turned and torn to pieces.

#daily devo #matthew 7 #verseoftheday #janeandjoy

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[03/13/15]

Matthew 5

{Jane}

This chapter is on the longer side & you know what that means? More verses that could speak to me.

Verses 29-30

If your right eye causes you to stumble, gouge it out and throw it away. It is better for you to lose one part of your body than for your whole body to be thrown into hell. And if your right hand causes you to stumble, cut it off and throw it away. It is better for you to lose one part of your body than for your whole body to go into hell.

I often think about this passage and the concept it presents, whenever I’m personally struggling with or just generally thinking about idols. The most recent idol in my life was the possibility of a relationship. Deep in my heart, I knew that we weren’t heading were we should have been and that there was so much sin between us. I knew that I wanted it too badly and for very selfish, ungodly reasons. But I couldn’t cut it off. God had to take it away from me.

The concept sounds easy and logical enough, right? If something is causing you to do bad things, get rid of it. If you know that you’re putting yourself in situations where you’re more likely to sin, then avoid those situations. Right..? Too bad it isn’t so easy to actually live out.

I really hope and pray that the next time I realize that something other than God is consuming me, that I will be able to cut it out first.

Verses 14-16 also stood out. I think that they’re a good follow-up one what I said yesterday on the fisher of men verse.

“You are the light of the world. A town built on a hill cannot be hidden. Neither do people light a lamp and put it under a bowl. Instead they put it on its stand, and it gives light to everyone in the house.  In the same way, let your light shine before others, that they may see your good deeds and glorify your Father in heaven.

Once again, God didn’t put me on this earth to be a scared and timid spirit. He didn’t put me here so I could hide and do my own thing. But verse 16 creates a little confusion. It says that we should shine that “they may see [our] good deeds” but in other places, we;re told to do things in private. It comes up in the next chapter, actually. So what am I supposed to do?

The way I reconcile it? Chapter 6 seems to hit more on people consciously doing things in front of a crowd for the sake of being seen, acknowledged, and praised. When I see 5:14-16, I think of it more as God reminding me that whether I like it or realize it or not, the world i watching. And the best way to glorify God is by being a living example. 

{Joy} 

V46-48: “If you love those who love you, what reward will you get? Are not even the tax collectors doing that? And if you greet only your brothers, what are you doing more than others? Do not even pagans do that? Be perfect, therefore, as your heavenly Father is perfect.”

This chapter serves as a reminder of what Jesus was like. As a christian, I grew up singing praises with lyrics like “I wanna be more like You” “let me be more like You, Jesus”. But when I read about who Jesus was and how He lived what He preached, being like Jesus seems only too good to be true. I mean, who would ACTUALLY ever willingly get slapped in the cheek and let his enemy finish him off by turning the other? 

Oh yea. Jesus did. 

V46-48 reminds me that when Jesus saved me, my life became completely changed, meaning, the type of life I lead is set apart from this world. Growing up as a teenager in a very large school with lots of different people, I often justified myself with excuses like “well, at least I don’t do drugs; at least I don’t come home knocked up; at least I don’t get influenced by alcoholics, druggies, gang members, etcetcetc” But this verse reminds me that if I am not living like Jesus, I also just fall into the larger pool of the many others that do not live like Jesus. 

Which also reminds me of this

Here is a trustworthy saying that deserves full acceptance: Christ Jesus came into the world to save sinners--of whom I am the worst. But for that very reason I was shown mercy so that in me, the worst of winners, Christ Jesus might display his immense patience as an example for those who would believe in him and receive eternal life. 1 Timothy 1:15-16

Paul knew what’s up.

Help me, Jesus, to know you and have a desire to live the way you want me to. 

#daily devo #Matthew 5 #janeandjoy #verseoftheday

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[03/12/15]

Matthew 4

{Jane}

verse 19

and I will make you fisher of men.

One of the greatest sources of stress for me is this - evangelizing. Speaking up for the Gospel. I’m such a timid and scared soul with a crippling fear of man. I’m afraid of people shunning me or avoiding me “like the plague” as they would say.

I also have a problem with “care-fronting” (a term my college pastor used because confronting tends to have a negative connotation and to emphasize the fact that it should be done in love & out of concern) because again, I’m afraid that I will end up pushing people away. I put my selfish desires for relationships and to be liked before speaking God’s truth.

And that’s not what God made me for. 

There was this great quote from “The Things They Carried” that goes like this: “...his job is not to be loved but to lead.”

Why is it that when you like someone or you’re in a relationship, you just want to tell everyone about that person but I can’t do the same with God? 

God, give me courage and conviction. Let me not be ashamed of the life-giving Gospel. Let me be so in love with you that I can’t hold it in. 

{Joy}

V19, 20: “Come, follow me,” Jesus said, “and I will make you fishers of men. At once, they left their nets and followed him. 

As soon as I read this verse, I had to ask myself, are you a fisher of men? And as I thought back on the past 4 years at school, I honestly did more ignoring/driving away/neglecting than I did fishing. 

As a child, I was pretty weakhearted--too scared to say anything to those who bullied me and too trusting to those who gave me an ounce of friendship. So, growing up, my mom was always scared that I would get pushed around and be easily influenced by my friends. So, I started building this wall around me to defend myself. People I didn’t like automatically got placed outside of that wall. 

While my adulthood has kind of eased me out of this vulnerable state of mind, I realize I still have a similar mentality. People who wronged me or weren’t relevant to me, I decide are not going to be a part of my life. I mean, no one likes everybody they meet. I don’t have to like everybody, right? I’m generally a nice person; I don’t do bad things to other people. So being indifferent about someone can’t possibly be bad...?

erm, maybenotsomuch.

I haven’t been a ‘fisher of men.’ My objective hasn’t been to gather people... it’s been to hug the people I like, and shut out the people I don’t like. The passage tells me that the disciples dropped their nets at once and followed Jesus. I pray that I will be able to drop my sinfulness and follow Jesus. Jesus, help me to be more like you. God, give me the wisdom to be a fisher of men. Help me to love like you love. And thanks for loving me when I am constantly unlovable. 

#daily devo #verseoftheday #Matthew 4 #janeandjoy