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109moons · 7 months

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I have absolutely nothing poetic to say and I am finally angry for the first time in 17 days that this is happening to me and I don’t know how to express how I feel like I am just fucking screaming inside to crawl out of my skin.

It’s so fucking unfair. I am fighting so hard to stay positive, to uplift other people, to comfort my loved ones about the very real fact that I am dying. And there’s nothing I can do, but take the pain everyday with a smile on my face and try to advocate for positivity to help your body heal and right now it just feels like fucking bullshit. I don’t want to be positive, I want to cry and punch walls and I don’t know how to keep saying to people that love me to please stop touching me and treating me like I’m a walking time bomb. The fact is, I am. I am shoving every feeling down except for this idiotic, “I’m smiling and laughing through the pain and all of this will be worth it when I am alive so there is no point being pissed off or talk about how god damn fucking unfair this is”.

I don’t god damn deserve having to be a “protected patient” while I am actively dying because my Mom decided to go off her fucking rocker and straight up abuse me. I should not be fighting to protect myself tooth and nail against her. I should be able to lean on my only parent and instead I have to safe guard myself to such extreme measures that I have to be a fucking Jane Doe so she stops sending people for me because I will not surrender control of my life to her. I would rather die. I have spent my entire life in the hands of self victimizing sociopaths and in the most vulnerable time, an absolutely inexpressible terrifying time, and I am forced to surrender my pride to let my family take care of me while I rail against letting anything else be taken away from me.

I am losing so much, it is so hard to even imagine life after this nor fathom what it will take to come back if I survive at all. I do not deserve to live disabled for what is left of my life. I do not know if I have it in me to go through procedure after procedure to be cut in half and have more pieces taken from me. I’m scared. I could die on the table and I very well might. My surgery is far more complex than a normal transplant. My recovery period is expected to be twice as long. I am scared. I will be on a ventilator and intubated for weeks. I will lose all autonomy and have to lean completely on my best friend and siblings. Leading up to my surgery, my medical team has to push me to the brink of death to move me up the transplant list. There is no guarantee I will even make it to the surgery once they have pushed my body far enough, I very well might have a heart attack and die before I can make it to the OR. If I live, I am disabled forever and on oxygen. I am no longer independent. I am so fucking afraid and it is so fucking unfair.

How the fuck do you talk to a 30 year old about their end of life directive? How am I supposed to just act like I am strong when I’ve had to take legal action against my only parent and I am making the scariest choices of my life knowing I am completely dependent on my best friend? How can people be so god damn selfish and destructive that they force a dying person who is drowning to fight a battle to prioritize their healing? I lay here in bed shaking because my blood pressure is so low, I am so anxious from trying to crack open my feelings about my fear of death and what is to come, and everything seems so fucking trivial.

No amount of sedatives is touching this. No amount of anxiety meds. No amount of writing, of coloring, of reading. I cannot stop shaking my feet and moving my legs or I think I will sink through the floor of the hospital or just take off running for the hills straight through the walls and run until my lungs give out and that way I can control how I die. Just as I’m writing this, I had phlebotomy come and order more vials of blood. I knew I didn’t feel well tonight. I knew my labs from the evening were going to be weird. I am scared because I was hoping I was wrong.

It just baffles me that at home there are people that call me family or claim they love me, but are home in their little worlds thinking about the little things that they want to believe about me to offer them solace. There is almost something amusing about it, not in a way that is meant to be dismissive of other feelings, but how small it is.

She’ll miss me one day and see that I was not broken the way I was, and that she missed out on loving someone because she only loved the image she wanted to preserve. She will see that the reason she has no one, is because others see the sadism and manipulation. How small I have always been. That there is a reason every person except one is rallying behind me telling her that she is helping kill me.

I don’t really care too much what the “he’s” think. I was not perfect by any means, but I was good and I loved hard and genuinely, despite my mistakes. I forgave, even when I was not forgiven for my mistakes and I was crucified for less. I rose above. Most of all, I loved and I know I gave and gave until I could not. I have no regrets, except for wishing I saw my worth before my life became something I could no longer recognize. These things seem so small now, it is hard to even place myself in their shoes anymore.

Those who only cared to weaponize my illness, who used my vulnerability to their own means to stroke their egos, the friends that did not show up. It is no real loss. The only loss again is that I wish I loved myself before I started losing my chance. I do not recognize the person in the mirror and if I live, I still will be a stranger. These people do not know me, and will not know me after this. I hope you do not come to my funeral.

I do not really know what is happening anymore.

I am the furthest thing from alone, and the loved ones that have stepped forward have moved me immeasurably about the purity of human nature. It is difficult to feel loss about the people I loved who left me or wounded me.

I hope I am missed. I hope people remember my laugh. I hope that those who have watched me dying the last two weeks in front of their eyes remember me walking in the wake of the shore in the sunshine. I hope no one forgets that I could lift a keg my size and that my biggest fears are grasshoppers and werewolves but I will walk straight into gunfire for someone I love. I hope someone loves my animals and don’t let them forget that I loved them more than anything. I hope people remember me for me, that I loved peaches and listening to soft piano, that I always made too big of pasta dishes and gave them all away. I hope they remember how fiercely I protected the people I love. I hope I see my Dad.

I’m not even going to edit this.

#personal #death tw #illness cw #terminally ill #liver transplant #spilled ink #words #spilled thoughts #prose

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kadavernagh · 10 months

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A Grave Matter || Regan & Lil

TIMING: Before the Sound of Silence LOCATION: The medical examiner's office PARTIES: Lil and Regan SUMMARY: Regan finds Lil waiting for her at the ME's office because she wants to ask about her family, and whether there might be a match with anyone in the morgue. Regan is obliging and offers some help. CONTENT WARNING: Themes of sibling/family death

Somehow, Marcy always called during the worst moments. Regan had just plucked one of the remaining hermit crabs out of her lunch – a perfectly good sandwich – when her phone rang. The little bugger scuttled out of her hands and then out of sight as she answered the phone. But, as always, the calls were important. Marcy had someone to see her. Or more precisely, she had said: “There’s a next of kin here for you. She looks very sad. Not, like, emotionally, but as a person.”

Regan sighed, scooped up her necklace, and tidied up her hair. So much for a lunch break. She never minded when a death scene interrupted her plans, but a next of kin? Couldn’t Rickers take them? She pushed through the double doors, scanning the lobby for whoever showed up in search of a deceased loved one. There was only one person there. Regan blinked at the young woman, who did indeed look pretty sad, but not in the tearful, distraught way one came to expect here. Most of the time, she was the one tracking down next of kin and calling them in. Very rarely did they take the initiative to check the morgue themself, unless they already knew about a loved one’s fate.

Regan recalled her script. It sounded more forced and unfamiliar by the day, impossible to squeeze back into after years apart. Who was she to pretend to empathize, anymore? No one. She was no one. That was the point. Her tone ended up rote and bored. “I’m sorry for your loss, miss. What brings you here today? Can I ask who your loved one is? Their name, or identifying features – tattoos, birthmarks, any information you can provide?”

Lil didn’t want to do this. After all, she didn’t actually know if her family was gone. Still she couldn’t get it out of her head that they might just be stuck unclaimed in the morgue. It wouldn’t be right, and she couldn’t ask Jonas to come with her. It wasn’t that she wouldn’t call him immediately - but to ask him to do this now seemed selfish and unnecessarily hurtful. So she was resigned, at least a little bit to the fate of looking by herself. She figured that they wouldn’t necessarily know to contact Lil or Jonas if they found their family members. So she went in and softly but firmly that she wanted to see if her family members were there.

So when the doctor came out Lil looked at the other, trying to remember what she had thought to say, having rehearsed to answer the questions. After all, she figured that they might fight her on going to look, saying that she shouldn’t go through other channels. Instead the doctor looked almost a little resigned - and not at all what she expected. Then again, Lil didn’t often look upset or personable in her job either. Working with the dead meant you had to keep your emotions at bay - even if it was specifically hurtful.

“I don’t actually know if they are there, but it’s my family. It would be four people.” Lil said realizing that her voice was much calmer than she felt saying it out loud. “They’ve been missing, and - no one checked here to see if they were here. My Uncle Charlie just told me that he hadn’t so I figured I would. Their names are June and Jacob Ballard. Those are my parents. My sister Jane and my sibling Jude might be here too.” Lil paused for a second and started to pull out papers out of her bag of photos of her family members. “I know they might look different now if they are with you, but I - figured these might be better than me explaining right? I also have a list of identifying features as well.” Pulling the paper she tried not to look too closely at the list again. She’d spent the sleepless night before writing down anything that could possibly be helpful.

“I know you probably don’t do this, but I - wanted to see if you would check and see if they might be here since my brother and I weren’t contacted right when they went missing. I figured that maybe no one contacted you all either. I have paperwork that I’m related to all of them .” Lil said her eyes glancing at a picture of her mom - her throat closing slightly as she tried to shake the thought away. She wasn’t going to cry here.

It’s my family. Three words chiseled away at the nice, comfortable wall Regan had built for herself. This wasn’t about a missing father or lost sibling, but an entire family, presumed dead. It wasn’t the first time Regan encountered such a tragedy, and it wouldn’t be the last, but it was surprising. What was more surprising was the composure the girl managed to keep so far, given the immeasurable loss. Regan now looked at her with focus and a hint of determination. It was because her interest had been piqued. Nothing more. She didn’t care – not about this woman, only the state of her deceased family and whether they had been recovered. How could she care about the delicate emotions of a human?

“I see. So they’re missing.” Regan tapped her fingers to her lips, mentally flipping through her open case files to consider a potential fit. The girl had anticipated everything, it seemed, and even had a photograph to present to her. She crouched, making eye contact with the individuals in the photo – whether they were truly happy was up for interpretation, but they were certainly complete. A big, cohesive family. She shook her own ghosts away. They weren’t welcome here, anywhere. “Yes, they almost always look different when they’re with me. That’s something to prepare yourself for. Well, normally…” In this case, however, Regan didn’t think they looked familiar, even taking post-mortem changes into account. Beneath swollen faces and glossy eyes, none of her current decedents looked particularly like these individuals. Although, she did recognize one of them from elsewhere.

She thought she didn’t do that? Regan blinked, then nodded. “Of course I do that. I often have families come here to confirm identity. Or inquire. But… you came prepared to hear the worst. Most people only come prepared for good news. That our forms of identification are incorrect, or that their loved one made it to the hospital and not the morgue.” She shook her head. “But I’m not certain that matters here. I’m afraid I may not be able to help you.” Not like this, anyway. Given the extensive documentation, there still might be things she’d be able to do. If she were willing to risk her secrecy to help.

The girl looked on the verge of tears. Regan steeled herself, knowing she had to be as unmoved as death itself. So she had a potentially dead family. So did many in this damned town. The girl could justify her own emotions to herself, and Regan didn’t fault her for them. But she would not participate in the sorrow. She couldn’t. Still, Regan understood that sometimes a lack of an answer was worse than staring down at your loved one as they were reeled out of the freezer. Things might have been about to get worse, more tense, more difficult to deny. “What is your name? I – there is one individual who may be worth your viewing. I suggest you do not get your hopes up – whatever that means for you, in this situation.”

Lil was used to being the person delivering bad news. After all, an exorcist was never called because something was going well. She had been witness to plenty of people’s worst days and while she tried not to let it make her miserable, it was hard to deny it. So she didn’t think the doctor’s business demeanor was wrong, she’d seen it plenty with the people she worked with, even if Lil herself tended to be the one that wanted to make the client smile or at least comfort them. It wasn’t for everyone.

Lil nodded at the statement trying to regain her composure and not think too deeply at the moment. “I figured. I know that they won’t look the same if they are here.” Another uncomfortable truth about being an exorcist is that death - both the spiritual and physical remnants were something that Lil had to experience. It never exactly got easy for her, but there were some duties that you had to do. Death - like most things in her life -was an inevitable thing that she wasn’t exactly scared of in concept- even if she wanted badly to stave it away from her family.

Lil shrugged slightly at the observation of the other considering that she was looking at the worst. “I figured I shouldn’t give myself false hope.” It was partially true - but there was something else there too. Lil knew worse fates then to end up here. If they ended up here that means that they weren’t lost and scared. It meant that they weren’t being used by demons or - god forbid having their souls used. It wasn’t a pleasant thing, and it would hurt Lil badly, but if they were here it meant that she could properly perform funeral rites. That’s all she really could ask for.

At the news she might not be able to help, Lil looked down and nodded lightly, “Ah - I mean it’s okay if you can’t help. - ” Lil stopped as the other asked for her name and there was a spark in her eyes as she went for her license fishing it out of her pocket focused on the little task to not think about the rest, “Oh. My bad - my name is Lilian Ballard - I go by Lil. I have my identification if you need it.”

At the information there was a body, part of Lil wanted to freeze up. She wanted to say that she was mistaken and that she didn’t need the other’s help after all - but that second didn’t last long. Lil had known coming here that this was a possibility, and if it was one of her family members - if they were down in the morgue waiting for her to come collect them she had to do it. Her jaw setting slightly she nodded and said, “I won’t. I appreciate it. Can we go see them now or do I need to sign something?” Her voice was slightly hollow, but at least she hadn’t fallen overself with the potential news.

“Most hope is false, Ms. Ballard.” It was something Regan suspected from a young age and a lesson that was solidified during her time at Saol Eile. Banshees did not hope. To hope was to question Fate. And though Regan didn’t believe in such notions, one thing had become clear: there was no use for hope when you were going to die, anyway, inevitably. And everyone was going to die. Hope was nothing more than a delusion for cowards to usher themselves through their pitiable lives. Regan constantly tried to press all hope out of herself, but she wasn’t good enough, strong enough, and every once in a while some managed to work its way inside of her. Today, that wouldn’t be the case. She wouldn’t hope one way or the other whether the decedent she was going to allow Lil to view was familiar to her or not.

“So long as you understand that, please follow me.” Regan nodded toward the door, gesturing for Lil to follow her. She swiped herself in and led her down the narrow hallway, past the autopsy suite and into the morgue. “The decedent in question resembles your sister, Jane, but only somewhat.” The individual in the morgue didn’t have the same pixie cut Lil’s sister bore, but hair could change, and the height, ethnicity, age, and face shape were at least similar. “I recognize your brother, by the way. Not from my morgue. Jonas, correct?” She wondered how much more she could say. Jonas would probably tell Lil how that interaction went, regardless. She decided to simply proceed with the grim affair of confirming visual identity. “I’m going to trust that you’ve prepared yourself now, and won’t delay.”

Regan traced the names along the freezers with her fingers until she found the Jane Doe she was looking for – she’d come in a couple of weeks ago, autopsy still pending in hopes of identifying her first. No signs of external trauma on the body, but that didn’t mean there were none inside. Regan unlocked the freezer and with a metallic thump that sounded all-too-loud in the quiet morgue, she slowly rolled the sliding bottom of the cadaver locker out so that Lil could view the body. She preferred to do this in the viewing room, but given that Lil came to her and seemed to be prepared to tolerate any answer, there was little reason to waste time arranging for something so superficial. “What do you think?” She eyed Lil, knowing the girl would probably be lost staring at the cadaver either way. “Do you know her?”

“You can call me Lil,” She said softly. After all Ms. Ballard was Jane not her. Still, she didn’t comment on the idea of most hope being false. It wasn’t exactly a new idea for Lil to be presented with, after all she heard a lot of different conflicting thoughts surrounding death. Some people held comfort in a great beyond and others insisted that there was nothing. It wasn’t something Lil dwelled on as - well frankly any answer would be cruel. To hope against the odds Lil saw, was worse than accepting what happened. She just wanted to know at the end of the day. “Okay,” Lil said simply, following the other wondering what exactly she should feel. There was bits of her that were tugging at the worst feelings that she knew - sadness, anger, rage, guilt - but they seemed a little dulled going towards the morgue. That was until she heard who Regan thought the other might be. Jane. It was a shock that Lil tried to hide in her face. Jane Ballard was a demonologist - so there was always a chance she could die - but Lil didn’t actually think it was possible. She was so strong and full of life that Lil couldn’t picture her dead with anything less than the Devil after her. She wasn’t sure who she thought might be laying here, but she hadn’t expected it to be her. At the question though Lil was brought back to the other and said even headed, “Oh yeah Jonas is my twin. He’s not missing though.”

At the statement Lil nodded trying to keep herself calm and collected. After all, if it was Jane she wouldn’t want Lil to cry. She didn’t think she’d want Lil to cry. Although little bits of thoughts kept moving through her brain that made Lil sink bit by bit. If Jane was here, it meant they never got to move past what Jane had did. It meant that Lil would never get her big sister back - her hand itched as she moved through the room reminding her that Jane wanted her to be strong and knowing that she was not like her. She moved through the room with her ears ringing at words that sounded an awful lot like her sister. Lil come on - No don’t do that - Lil Lady if you don’t get back here -. She could almost hear her laugh as she picked Lil up to twirl her, and felt her hands in Lil’s hair as she braided her hair - something that she missed terribly even if she couldn’t say it.

Closing her eyes for a second Lil counted to three letting go of memories as she looked at the body, her face blank as she looked at the person carefully. She could tell why the doctor had matched Jane to them and if Lil didn’t know her sister as well as she did she might have thought it was Jane. She could have been Jane, although her hair was longer. Death changed faces, and Lil knew better than anyone that fact. Moving closer, not at all afraid of the dead, she looked closely for a moment thinking what might push the identification over the edge. Jane had a small blue bird - one that Matched Jude’s on her shoulder bone. They had gotten that as Jonas and Lil had gotten a little black bird on their hips.

“Is it okay if I move the cloth further down on her shoulders?” Lil asked the doctor her face as neutral as she could make it as she looked back. “I - don’t think this is Jane, but if she is Jane she would have a little blue bird on her shoulder. I wasn’t sure if I would be allowed to move the cloth.” Lil said mostly in explanation. She had no problem touching the dead - but she figured there was probably protocol, and she wanted to be respectful.

Impressed by Lil’s readiness, Regan waited in silence and allowed the woman’s emotions to run through her. She was strong. She felt intensely, Regan could tell, but she controlled it better than most. What kind of a tool was she? What instrument? Or had she simply seen death enough times that she could approach it with such grace now? “You can’t move anything. I will.” Though Regan spoke with a firm, commanding edge, Regan tried to be gentle too. Slowly, she lifted her hand and looked at Lil. Checking to see if she was ready. The rolled cloth revealed… nothing. No tattoo. Just to be sure, Regan checked the other shoulder, too, which yielded the same result. “It’s not Jane, then.” Regan said with some finality. She studied Lil, trying to see if there was relief or disappointment or both. These moments often evoked a strange mix of emotions in people, which Regan could understand but no longer relate to.

“It’s good that we checked,” she assured Lil, “sometimes ruling out an identity can help tremendously with an investigation. Mine, and… yours.” She chewed her lip for a moment and decided to re-cover the decedent and slide them back into the freezer. The force of it made a loud whoosh that felt out of place in such a silent room. “We’re done down here, but I don’t think we’re done. I would still like to assist… if I can.” Regan discarded her gloves and held open the door for Lil. The walk back would allow for some questions. “What does this mean for you? Are you assuming Jane is still alive?” And the rest of them? She wanted to ask. But it was best to focus only on one. The emotional weight of losing a whole family, even the thought of it, was a lot to bear, and Regan knew it. “Where are you going next?”

Lil nodded as Regan moved to move the cloth, Lil’s eyes still focused on the person who had died. As she realized the tattoo wasn’t there Lil wondered what she should have felt. It should have been a relief that the person laid in front of her wasn’t Jane - she was. She was glad that her sister might be alive, but it was still a possibility not a certainty. Jane was maybe alive. She could be somewhere worse then here - and Lil couldn’t do anything about it. So she did what she knew best, what Jacob had taught her. She shut down the emotion, and tried to focus on what she could do. After all, if Jane was out there she needed Lil to find her and quickly. Still, instinctually she rubbed at the back of her hand on the scar there, wondering if she could be steady enough to do all of this.

“No they aren’t Jane,” Lil finally said softly as she readied herself to figure out her next move, looking at the doctor who seemed to be assessing her carefully. She wondered what she looked like. Probably odd, but it was all Lil could do to not feel the edges of despair that seemed to follow after her. She could let it swallow her up - no one was weak for breaking down over something like this - but she had a brother that needed her to be the strong one. There were people that needed her, as broken as this was going to make her, to be strong and keep it together. Even if it hurts - especially when it hurts. A Ballard Persists, and Lil was going to walk to the end with her head high.

At the doctors words Lil nodded and said, “I’m glad if it could help you identify the person.” It was true, Lil had a strong want to make sure that everyone who passed away was seen and their wishes done. Part of that was selfish - unhappy people became poltergeists so easily - but much of it was a sympathy that was earnest. As she listened to the whoosh Lil prepared herself to move back from the room - when the doctor continued to speak. It felt - kind. Like the other had seen more than Lil had wanted to show and wanted to help. It wasn’t the warmth that most people expected, but it felt honest. So as she started walking back through the morgue Lil thought about it honestly.

“I don’t think I can assume she’s alive or dead,”Lil said with a certainty she probably hadn’t earned. After all, it wasn’t odd for either scenario to be right. “If she’s alive, she’s in a dangerous position and needs help. If she’d dead - I need to find her in either case.” Her voice caught at the idea still - part of her now rebelling now that she knew that Jane wasn’t in the morgue. The little hope in her that wanted to be twirled around by her big sister again and hear her laugh. The part that wanted to hear her say ‘I’m sorry’ and start over. Still, Lil held the idea for a moment and let it go quickly.

“I’m - probably going to go tell my brother that they aren’t here. I didn’t want to tell him until after I checked. Then I’m going to continue looking. - There’s been some clues so I’ll probably look back over them. I know that there are people that aren’t happy with them, so I’m going to start looking at this as something intentional.” After all, with everything Lil had done it was clear that they weren’t messing because of a haunt gone wrong. She would have found them by now. She had to consider the possibility that someone or a group was targeting them, and that the people following Jonas and her were involved. Part of her had thought this anyway, but now she was resigned to the fact.

Lil looked at the doctor for a second and nodded, “I know you're probably worried I’ll do something stupid - I won’t. My family is my responsibility and I have to make sure that they are found. Either way. But - if I leave my number would you be willing to tell me if you find anything? I don’t want to bug you by constantly checking in. ”

This was one of those times where it was hard to discern defeat from relief, and Regan knew she couldn’t say anything to make it easier for Lil to distinguish between the two. She would need to sit with it. Probably every day, every night, until she found her answers. She was clearly driven, and though Regan rarely hoped for much of anything, not believing in the concept, she did want Lil to be able to receive closure.

Regan slowed to a stop and turned to Lil in the hall. “I think it’s commendable you’re taking responsibility for your family. Trying to find them. Find answers.” She thought of Reilly, who hadn’t given up after six years, even though he really should have. If Lil was half as dogged as Regan’s brother, she would have success eventually. Regan believed that. She gave a nod and continued, but paused again right by the doors to the lobby. Once they pushed through them, they’d be in the presence of others – Marcy, and maybe some next of kin or other ME’s office employees buzzing around. There was some quick business to attend before that.

She met Lil’s eyes, which swam with thick emotion – Regan could identify it no more than Lil herself probably could. “Yes. You should leave your number. Look, I…” Regan started, already regretting it. She let the silence linger just as her thoughts were. But it felt right. “I won’t explain my methodology. It doesn’t matter. But I want to, um, offer something, of sorts. Because you don’t know whether they’re alive or dead.” Reilly told her, several times, that the uncertainty was the worst part. Not knowing if he’d lost his sister along with his father. Now that she was back, she didn’t have the heart to tell him that he had. “I might be able to help. If you have a belonging of one of theirs. Something especially important to them. I might be able to determine whether or not they’re deceased.” Or, by process of elimination, alive.

Regan gave a small bow of her head and stepped away from the doors, motioning toward them. “When you’re ready, you can head out. I’m sure you have much to think about.”

Lil hadn’t expected that the other would be - proud of her for doing what was right. In her own mind it was the only thing she could do. Still, she couldn’t deny that it felt nice for someone agreeing with her and as she met the doctor's eyes she wondered if she had experienced something similar. Lil didn’t have a supernatural sense about these things, but she was around people usually on one of the worst days of their lives. It carried with you tragedy, and while Lil tried to make exorcism less depressing it was always something there. Still, she didn’t ask about it. Tragedies were personal, and she didn’t want to push kindness down a road that made the other miserable. “Glad you agree,” Lil said carefully, not wanting to thank Regan in so many terms but wanting to be grateful nonetheless.

At how she continued Lil was confused with what she was saying, not knowing what she meant but listening carefully. After all, it wasn’t like anything else was really working out. Jude’s notebook was getting close to the end and while Lil would still try any leads she found she knew it was getting bleak. Even if she didn’t understand what help was or how, she did believe that Regan could help and that was enough. “I - understand. That would be helpful at least to know. I would have to find something that was one of theirs -” Lil said, thinking of which person in her family she might be able to find something that was close enough to them that it would connect them. It wouldn’t be her dad. The only thing he’d ever connected himself to was his focal point and he was a pain about that. He thought it was a weakness to be exploited - after all objects could get you attached here. She also wasn’t sure about Jude or Jane either, both so different in personalities but so practical.

Still, Lil paused for a moment and thought about her Mom. Her sentimental mom who always seemed to keep little things that made them smile. Surely if one of them was attached to an object it would be her. “I think I know something, but I’d have to find it. I would also have to tell my brother about it. I appreciate it.” It wasn’t hope exactly, it didn’t feel like something so fragile or beautiful. Instead it felt something more like a resignation to Fate - something closer to relief than panic. Her mom had been the source of feelings like that before, and maybe she could be again.

At her instructions Lil nodded, her mind full of new ideas and a new path. Even if she still had to look at other potentialities - this one seemed more concrete. Maybe going to the morgue wasn’t that bad. With a slightly forced smile she said, “I hope the rest of your shift is easy. I appreciate the help.”

#c lil #writing #sibling death tw #parental death tw

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immortalecstasy-blog · 2 years

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You Took The Words Right Out Of My Mouth 18+

Chapter 17/23 Pairing: Eddie Munson / Chrissy Cunningam Need to catch up? Click Here for Chapter One

When Chrissy finally woke up, she was mute. People are sympathetic at first, but when she doesn’t magically get better, she slowly finds herself as one of the ‘freaks’. Lucky for her, there’s one freak in particular she really doesn’t mind finding herself beside.

Warnings: Slow Burn, Angst, PTSD, Chrissy still got attacked by Vecna but didn't die, Eddie still got mauled by bats but didn't die, Hurt/Comfort, Abuse.

By some miracle, the fact Chrissy Cunningham was now sitting on the freaks table didn’t blow up the universe as Eddie had expected. They still agreed that they wouldn’t sit next to each other, and once it circulated that Chrissy was tutoring Jane Hopper and fed up with the high-speed conversation of the other tables, it quickly dropped off the radar.

Eddie waited for weeks for Chrissy’s mom to find out, or to finally have had enough of Chrissy spending every evening anywhere but at home, but it seemed like as long as Chrissy came home before curfew and still made an effort to go to church each Sunday, on time and presentable, she could keep toeing the line for now. He still refused to admit he’d overreacted, but as the weeks went by the tension that knotted up his shoulders each and every lunchtime finally subsided.

Patrick’s autopsy results became public knowledge the second to last week of the semester. It had been a total accident. A change in medication without any clarifying instructions on the new dosage. Apparently his parents were going to sue. Chrissy still worried about her open gate, and while she mourned the tragic loss of Patrick she couldn’t help the relief that it hadn’t been intentional. An inability to cope with the aftermath of living as one of Vecna’s victims.

Chrissy had tried not to think about the one remaining gate, the wave of sinister whispering that followed whenever she slept. About the horrific conversation in Eddie’s truck. She had been reeling from the news about Patrick, the revelation about the gates, but she still felt ashamed of herself. She of all people knew what it felt like to lose someone you loved to suicide. The anger, the guilt, it stuck around. Inter dimensional portal or not, she would never put Eddie through that.

Will was constantly reassuring her that he couldn’t sense anything, Dustin carried a compass with him everywhere he went. Eleven had told them she was still regularly visiting Eddie’s old home in the trailer park, though no one had gone with her as she was combining checking the gate with a visit to Max’s moms. It helped Chrissy a little, but mostly it made her feel guilty. All of them were on edge. Eleven even more so, she looked beyond exhausted.

Chrissy’s ‘safe list’ of people she could speak around had been growing steadily over the last few weeks but knowing Patrick’s death had been nothing but a stupid accident, something so easily avoided somehow bothered her more than when she’d thought it had been intentional. She was the last one standing, not because Patrick couldn’t hack it and had left her with that burden, but just because some doctor hadn’t been totally clear on dosage. He’d left her with her lonely gate due to a god damn clerical error. Trying to speak once again felt like trying to breathe underwater and slowly it shrank to just Eddie and Dustin – and Marie if she ever called while Chrissy’s parents were out of the house and out of earshot.

She was so angry at herself that she could no longer master her voice around Steve that she simply tried to avoid him, leaving him to fend for himself. It was like it was the only emotion left. The anger. All the others had just been sucked away, leaving her rubbed raw and quick to lash out. The brunt of this fell on Eddie, and after three days of being snapped at for the slightest thing, his patience couldn’t stretch any further and he’d angrily fired back with what was possibly the worst thing anyone could ever say to her.

“You sound just like your mother.”

Yeah…

He’d regretted the words the moment they were out of his mouth, even if there was some truth to them. Chrissy’s cheeks had drained of all their usual colour first and then magically gone the opposite way, her whole face glowing red.

He wasn’t proud of it, but her frustration (at him at least) seemed to diminish after that, just a little.

It all came to ahead in Ms Kelly’s next session. Ms Kelly had been doing all she could to help Chrissy grow her list and get through her French exam and was visibly concerned when their session resulted in a wordless panic attack when Chrissy couldn’t get a sound past the lump in her throat. Not even a hum. Ms Kelly had told her to stop trying to force it, trying to sooth her when she became visibly distressed.

She couldn’t calm down. Couldn’t suck in enough air to try to regulate her breathing even with Ms Kelly’s expertise. This wasn’t like the panic attacks that accompanied the awful flashbacks. Something she could apply to logic to. She was scared she’d lose Dustin and Eddie too, that her voice would be gone for good. That no matter how much work she put in she’d be forever stuck scribbling on a whiteboard, struggling to catch up as each and every conversation passed her by. That, like the girls, they’d all grow tired of waiting.

By the time her lips had taken on a blue tint, the school nurse had been summoned and there was a debate going on over her head as to whether she should be sedated.

Chrissy learned later that Ms Kelly had called for Eddie over the school tannoy, but all she knew was that he was suddenly behind her on the floor in Ms Kelly’s office, his long legs spread either side of her as he put his arms around her tightly enough that she had no choice but to take shallow breaths, her ribs pushing back against his arms every time.

“It’s okay, you’re okay.” He kept telling her, his voice surprisingly calm, his hair tickling her cheek, his smell engulfing her.

She let out a sob that seemed to jump-start her lungs and took a shuddering breath, clutching onto his arms.

“That’s it, princess. Just breathe. Just like you showed me, okay?”

Chrissy nodded frantically, sucking in as much air as she could, her whole-body convulsing on every outward breath.

When her breathing had found it’s Hopper-approved rhythm the nurse asked something and attempted to hand Chrissy her whiteboard. Eddie snatched it from her and threw it down beside them with a glare.

That brief moment without one of his arms around her nearly set her off again, but then it was back, his mouth against her ear.

“It’s okay, I’m right here. You’ve got this.”

When she was calm enough, it was agreed they’d call her mom to come and get her rather than putting her through an afternoon at school. She hadn’t argued, but Eddie had asked them to call Joyce instead.

“Byers. You’ll have her number on file, for Will and El.”

“El?”

“Uh, Jane.”

“Eddie, we’re not allowed to just hand students over to just anyone.”

“Joyce isn’t just anyone.”

Ms Kelly had looked to Chrissy, who had nodded feverishly in agreement.

There was no offer of exempting him from his afternoon of classes. But he refused to go back to class until Chrissy was safely in Joyce’s car.

Even then, he didn’t rush back for the last fifteen minutes of his current class. Now that he didn’t need to keep his shit together for Chrissy, his hands had started shaking, and when he hid out in the boy’s restroom, his reflection in the mirror was deathly pale.

He could still feel her rapid heartbeat in his forearms, battering against her ribs like a hummingbird. No one had taken the time to tell him what had happened, but he could feel in his gut that this one was different. Vecna still visited her nightmares, but it had been weeks – months, even – since the memories of Vecna’s torture had incapacitated her like that.

They were supposed to be getting better. Everyone had said time would make it better.

He felt jittery, spun out. Vecna was fucking gone, and yet Eddie still felt powerless. He reached for his headphones, but his hands just clutched at hair and empty space. He’d left his bag in class, his Walkman nestled safely inside.

“Shit.” Eddie hissed. “Shit, shit, shit, shit… shit. Fucking – fuck.”

He tried to wash his hands, as if that would somehow calm him, but the restroom was out of soap and the water didn’t get hot enough to bring any relief. He dismissed the running water with a scowl, looking back into his own pale reflection. The bite marks the demobats had imprinted on his cheek, under his chin, down his neck. The deep purple bags under his eyes. The image of Chrissy’s eyes disappearing into the back of her skull with a sickening squelch. Her jaw snapping as she floated high above him.

Eddie lashed out with his fist, a spiderweb of broken glass spreading out where his fist met the mirror. But it didn’t distort the image. Chrissy fucking suffocating on the floor while the useless fucking school counsellor looked on. Just another spectator to all the bullshit Chrissy had to deal with.

Red was dead, whether anyone was ready to admit it or not. The others were gone, his beautiful, sweet, funny Chrissy left with the weight of it all on her tiny shoulders.

It wasn’t fair. God damn it. Why her? Why did Vecna have to go after her? Try to break her? Why did she have to carry the burden of having that last connection to that evil realm exist just because she was breathing?

Eddie hit the mirror again, the fragments cascading down, littering the floor at his feet, settling in the sink with a steady pulse of red droplets.

It didn’t even matter if the two of them would’ve come together without the bullshit of the upside down. If he had a choice he’d still pick a mostly happy Chrissy with that bullshit fucking wanker Justin over this hurting and suffering version of her that had chosen him. She didn’t deserve it. Any of it. She didn’t fucking—

Eddie’s fist came down on the sink and it made a valiant effort to stay glued to the wall. But his second swing – both fists this time – tugged it free with a shower of pink plaster dust and sent it soaring to the ground, where his shoes where ready to smash whatever gravity couldn’t. Hot water from the tap now free to pour straight onto the broken tiles beneath his feet.

The mirror, the sinks, the fucking dryer, all crumbled under his fists.

The cubicle put up a good fight, but he still managed to put a hole through it, tearing it away from the wall with a lot of effort and throwing it to the floor.

His mind flooded with the moment he had thrown the pushbike away and turned on the bats, throwing them to the floor, fighting back with every ounce of his being until his exhaustion, their sheer numbers, his incredible sense of failure and shame overwhelmed him. Distantly, as the cheap chipboard of the cubicle crumbled beneath his knuckles, he could see Dustin’s room. His guitar swung like a club into the record player, the wall, nothing but woodchips and twisted metal left.

His hands shook as he backed away from the destruction, falling back against broken tiles and sliding down to floor. Broken tile bit into his thigh, broken glass crunching under his sneakers. Blood or hot water or both soaking his jeans.

His hands wouldn’t stop shaking. Why wouldn’t they stop shaking?

His face stayed impassive as he examined his shaking hands, oblivious to the carnage around him.

“Stop.” He told his hands, “Please stop.”

Distantly, he heard the door opening, heard a confused murmur of voices, the splash of footsteps in the growing puddle of hot water.

He heard the conversation buzzing in the doorway without processing any of the content.

Then there was a louder, more dominant voice banishing the gossiping voices away.

His eyes focused long enough to see Mr Mundy, his math teacher, at eye level. Crouching in front of him.

“What happened here?” Mr Mundy asked. “Munson. Did someone do this to you?”

Eddie almost laughed, almost agreed. It would be easy to fabricate this destruction to some jock who had had enough of Eddie the Once Banished and decided to take justice into his own hands. He considered it for a moment. But none of the current jocks, the current basketball team… none of them deserved the blame for this.

Any chance at passing the blame vanished when Eddie raised his hands to cover his face, exposing his destroyed knuckles.

“I said get out!” Mr Mundy shouted towards the door, to the eager crowd of young men who had hoped to relieve themselves between lessons, or else seen the commotion and joined the gaggle of people to see first-hand what was happening.

“Munson. Talk to me.”

Mr Mundy stood up, turning off the tap, careful of the broken glass and ceramics, kicking away what was left of the plastic paper-towel holder.

Eddie shook his head.

“Eddie.” Mr Mundy sighed, exasperated. “You know the drill by now. We’ll figure it out. Might as well save us some time and let us know who— “

“I did it.”

“What?”

“It was me. No one… no one did anything.” He gestured vaguely to his wrecked hands and then to his face, which he assumed was free from any fresh marks. No bruising to indicate a fight anyway.

Mr Mundy’s jaw tightened, not through any kind of compassion or concern, but because this was the last thing he needed on his paygrade, between lessons. He let out an exasperated sigh that spoke a thousand words, ‘been here, done that. Done with your shit.’

His verbal lashing at the crowd had at least sent them all running for their next class, and so Eddie was spared the indignity of filling past a crowd. Not that he cared. But there was some small part of him that acknowledged the empty hallway as a good thing as he was led away from the restroom.

That small blessing vanished as he was parked unceremoniously in one of the ancient red leather chairs outside of the receptionist’s office. He knew all too well that through that door, behind her desk, the principal’s office sat, in power of them all. Strahd’s Coffins at the end of the maze of catacombs.

It didn’t take long for him to be summoned, barely anyone saw him sat waiting. Again, Eddie was vaguely aware that he should be grateful fate had spared him from the rumour mill. But he felt empty. He just didn’t care.

The last time he had felt like this, a shell that bore the physical appearance of Eddie Munson while the real Eddie Munson fought demons in another dimension, Chrissy had broken through. Spoken.

Eddie? Eddie look at me.

She’d dragged him back. Kissed him. Laughed at him. Had kissed him almost every day since. Trusted him. Loved him. How many times has she told him she loved him?

He still hadn’t said it back. Not really.

She deserved to hear it. It scared the shit out of him though. Scared him senseless that all they had was shared trauma and a desperate need for someone else to understand it.

They had been the only ones in the trailer that night. She was the victim, but Eddie has seen every bone snap, seen the light go out. Still marvelled at the fact she was alive when he revisited that night in his mind. Abandoning her. Running away. Leaving her alone for Wayne to find. Precious hours of medical help wasted because he’d ran scared. Hours more when Wayne too has assumed she was dead and gone. Some random ass police officer – he didn’t even know who – had checked for a pulse and freaked the fuck out, finally summoning an ambulance.

“Principal Higgins will see you now.” Said a voice, sounding irritated, like it wasn’t the first time they’d told him. Eddie shook his head, trying to banish the horrors.

He entered Principal Higgins office. All his usual bravado lost – not from some irrelevant restroom that now needed a refurb, or the sting in his hands, or the damp dripping from his jeans, but from the palpable feel of Chrissy’s erratic heartbeat, her sobs, his inability to fucking fix anything. He couldn’t save her from Vecna. Couldn’t save her from her mother. Hell, he couldn’t save her from herself.

“Mr Munson. You were on track to finally graduate and be out of my hair in less than two weeks. Explain yourself.”

Eddie’s heart sank even further. Any possible consequences had been the last thing on his mind. Hell, nothing had been in his mind. A dark blanket of white noise as he’d altered the landscape around him into one that fit. Broken. Desolate

There was nothing with which he could defend himself with. No spear, no shield, no hit dice. No Chrissy. No words. He couldn’t even clarify on the past tense, to confirm he had royally fucked up yet again.

After months of thinking he understood, he finally got it. The crippling and infuriating inability to put his vocal chords into working order. He felt sick. He wasn’t even able to pinpoint why. He’d been a failure enough times that not graduating was something he could deal with, even if was for the third time. He’d joked enough times about getting a GED – the standard of any qualification for a Munson. It’s only bothered him now because he was so close, had been so sure. It wasn’t that he’d be ‘letting himself down’, it was Chrissy. It was Robin. It was all the people who hadn’t been there the last two times. It was that Chrissy had broken today and for once he didn’t know why.

He finally tuned into the spit-flecked speech aimed at him when the word ‘expelled’ managed to get through the fog.

Then Ms Kelly had turned up. She rescued his chance to graduate. But she did so by describing, in detail, the extenuating circumstances surrounding his outburst. Leaving no doubt in anyone’s mind that he and Chrissy were not simply friends – and then when Ms Kelly told Principal Higgins that Chrissy had left with Joyce Byers, he hit the roof, demanding someone get Laura Cunningham on the phone.

When the call connected Eddie jumped out of his chair and pulled the chord from the phone. He quickly saw his newly instated chance at graduating disappear, but it didn’t matter.

“You can’t.” Eddie croaked, “please.” He couldn’t speak for himself, but he could speak for. Would always speak for her when she needed him to.

The look Principal Higgins flew him was so angry Eddie could almost feel a wave of heat flash across his face, like standing too close to a fire.

“Her mom just makes it worse.” Eddie explained pleadingly, “You know out of all the parents Joyce is the most equipped to handle something like this. You must see that, and – and – you just can’t. Chrissy’s mom is…” He paused. Knowing that if he portrayed her as the monster he was they would just see it as his own bad attitude. “Chrissy’s mom doesn’t know how to help her. She doesn’t understand it. Chrissy--- Chrissy went through hell, you don’t even know the half of it, and Joyce gets it. Please.”

“Be that as it may, Mr Munson. We have a duty to our students.”

“Chrissy isn’t a minor.” Ms Kelly interjected, and Principal Higgins turned his bulging eyes her way. “We have an obligation to do right by our students to the best of our abilities.”

The bulging eyes slowly retracted but he still gave off a palpable heat in his anger.

“It’s… it’s true, that during school hours we are… accountable for them. That we have a duty to look after them, that… that the rules are very strict about who can or cannot take guardianship of them… but… Chrissy is over eighteen, Joyce Byers lives with our Police Chief, and… and I agree with Eddie. It wasn’t in Chrissy’s best interests to call Laura.”

Eddie gave her a small nod of thanks, and Principal Higgins’s gaze pivoted back around.

“Give me that.” He snapped, gesturing for the phone chord in Eddie’s hand. Eddie handed it back.

It was then that Ms Kelly noticed the state of his knuckles.

“If we’re… if we’re done here Principal Higgins, I feel like I should escort Eddie to the nurse…”

Eddie nearly whistled, blown away by her nerves, and it fucking worked.

“That was brave as shit.” Eddie told Ms Kelly in a low voice after they’d left Principal Higgins’s office. Her mouth twitched, and he saw laughter dancing in her eyes but as they walked any humour he saw in her was sapped away. She turned to face him outside the nurse’s office, blocking the door.

“What happened today?”

“I… lost my temper? I didn’t mean to—”

“No, with Chrissy.”

“She had a panic attack?”

“Why? What happened?”

“She… I don’t know, you tell me.”

Ms Kelly scowled, “Relapses are common, they’re almost a rite of passage in the healing process, but I’ve never seen… I couldn’t calm her down.”

“Yeah well, you know, it’s a panic attack, it’s kind of the opposite of calm, right?”

“But you did.”

“Did what?”

“You got her to calm down.”

“Yeah, well, I know her. I… we…” Eddie breathed out from his nose. Words, Eddie. He licked his lips and looked down at his hands. His fingers were swelling up around his rings, he probably should’ve thought to take them off before now. “I have them to. Or… I don’t know. Something similar. That’s what – that’s what happened in the restroom, and she…” He paused again, and then shrugged, finally looking up to meet her gaze, and only then realising that he physically towered over her. Fleetingly, he wondered if that was weird for her, before casting the thought aside, “We help each other.”

Ms Kelly nodded and moved aside, “Get some ice on that hand, okay?”

Eddie had managed to force his rings off of his swollen fingers, quite literally by the skin of his teeth, and safely tucked them away in the pocket of his jacket. The nurse was quite sure he had fractured three of his knuckles and warned him that the swelling would get worse before it got better and to keep his hand ring-free for a while. She didn’t seem particularly affected when she explained this to him. Eddie wondered if that had anything to do with him tossing Chrissy’s whiteboard away earlier, essentially cutting the nurse off. But he couldn’t know for sure. Surprisingly enough, this was actually the first time he’d had to be under her care.

He was still frazzled when he was dismissed, and again chose to wait for the current class to end. Excusing himself by reasoning that he didn’t want to interrupt a class to collect his abandoned bag.

By the time he’d collected his bag between classes, there was only one class left of the day and his hand had started to throb, so he called it a day. Knowing it was an incredibly stupid decision given the fine line he was walking, but also knowing the class would do nothing for him, nothing would go in, and he wanted to check in on Chrissy. No, he needed to. He needed to understand what had happened.

#hellcheer #fanfiction #eddissy #eddie munson #st fanfic #eddie x chrissy #stranger things #chrissy this is for you #st fanfiction #chrissy cunningham

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another-whump-sideblog · 2 years

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Jane’s Pets Chapter 5: Another Q&A

TWs in the tags

Masterlist

When you wake up, there's something cold against your cheek and the top of your head.

“Oh, are you awake? I just put together a couple ice packs. We aren’t allowed pain medication because, and I quote, ‘that defeats the whole point,’ but we have ice. So that should help with the swelling in your face and what’s probably a concussion. I put the ice in plastic bags and wrapped rags around them, I’m pretty sure that’s how you’re supposed to do it? I don’t know. I don’t know how to tell if someone has a concussion either. Do you know any medical stuff? That would be awesome, me and- well, we’ve just been going by trial and error with a lot of this stuff.”

“No, no medical knowledge. Sorry.” Your voice is hoarse. You got pretty into researching human biology as a kid, but it was mostly learning about cancer, not anything that could help now.

“That’s fine. Do you like… want to talk about any of it? Or do you want a distraction? Or I can shut up. Whatever would help. It’s not like I can say the normal comforting things like “it’s okay” and “you’re safe” because it’s not and you’re not.”

You nod, which sends waves of pain through your head. “Could you tell me what to expect next?”

They wince. “Yeah. Yeah, if you want to know. I don’t know if knowing will make it better or worse, but yeah. Um… I’m pretty sure she’ll take your name eventually. Which is, uh… it’s associating your name -your old name- with so much pain that your brain won’t let you remember it.”

“Oh god.” Maybe you shouldn’t have asked.

“And she’ll set up situations where it looks like you can escape, and punish you for taking the bait. That’s more long-term. She might… with both me and- with both of us, she let us have a few months where we thought we’d really been rescued before bringing us back and punishing us for falling for it. Torturing and killing our rescuers. It was… not fun. And she might offer you a deal where she gives you 24 hours to run before she starts trying to find you. She calls it the escape game. She always finds you, and you still get punished for the escape attempt.”

You whimper. This seems to be happening fairly often lately.

“Sorry, do you want me to stop? I can stop.”

You shake your head. It hurts. “No, keep going. What else?”

“I… I mean, she’ll do what she said. She’ll make you kill and torture people, to prove she can. She’ll probably make you eat their bodies, but maybe not. It depends on what she wants to do with the whole ‘bunny’ thing. Maybe she’ll decide prey animals don’t eat meat. She doesn’t let us eat foods that are bad for cats or dogs, at least when she remembers she set up that rule, so maybe… Anyway, that’s all I can think of excluding punishments. I guess there are ‘games,’ where she’ll have us hold stress positions for as long as we can, or give us sadistic choices to make about how each other or some stranger gets tortured. Or she’ll like, replicate psych experiments from before there were ethical guidelines.”

Your chest hurts. “What about punishments? What can I expect from that? She always says next time will be worse. Is it, or is that just something she says?”

“Um... For you, it definitely will keep getting worse for a while. Eventually it levels out, and she still says she could be doing worse a lot because she could.”

“And what can I expect? From punishments?”

“Any torture you can imagine and plenty you can’t yet. Do you really want me to list them out?”

"...I guess not.”

They nod. “Do you want to tell me what happened?”

You take a shaky breath. “She said it was an obedience test. She made me hurt myself, and- she made me- I didn’t want to, I thought I could hold out, I thought I could wait until I passed out- Kit, I was begging to do what she wanted after just a few seconds! I thought I could take it, I thought I was strong-”

You cling to their arm, desperately wanting something but not sure what.

“It’s okay. I mean- it’s not, and I’m so sorry that happened to you. It’s not your fault. I can’t believe that things we do under threat of torture are our fault. It’s all her. And it’s okay to be weak in the face of torture. Being strong won’t help you here.”

Chills run down your spine. “Will she… how long is the period between torture sessions, usually?”

“…It depends on a lot of things. She’ll hurt you again the next time she’s bored and thinks hurting you will provide more entertainment than hurting me or… y’know. Unless you do something she doesn’t like, then she’ll hurt you regardless of how bored she is.”

You remember what they said earlier about things getting worse for you for a while. “And I’m more entertaining now because she’s just started hurting me.”

“Yes. It’ll be… it’ll be really bad for a while, for you. And it doesn’t necessarily get better, but you get used to it, and Jane backs off a little. It’ll be… less bad, eventually.”

You nod. It’s sad how much Kit thinks there’s no escape. You know now that you’re going to get out of here. There is no possible world where you stay. You will escape or die trying.

“How does she always find you? With the escape games. Does she have trackers on us or something?”

“Nope. I mean, if there are they couldn’t be detected. We tried several times, always immediately got rid of our clothes, even got full scans of our insides once from a very nice doctor willing to humor us. Jane’s just good at finding people. I mean, she can teleport, and see things from her void, so that helps.” Their eyes narrow. “You aren’t actually thinking of trying to run, are you?”

“Are you seriously thinking of staying!? I’d rather die trying to escape than stay here!”

“What do you mean-“ they stifle a groan “Of course you’d rather die than stay here! We’d all rather die than stay here! Including Jane, actually. It’s not an option. She won’t let us die until she wants it.”

“I have to at least try!”

“No! You don’t! You don’t have to learn the same way we did! She’s giving so much kindness we never got and you’re throwing it away!”

"...What do you mean?” You don't feel like Jane has been kind to you at all.

They suck air between their teeth. “When she first took me, I didn’t see anywhere outside the basement for months. She said she needed to teach me how powerless I was against her first. It wasn’t a punishment, she just spent months torturing me because she wanted me to know my place. She did the same thing to Puppy” they grimace “and the only reason she didn’t do it to you was because she thought it would be funny to change things up. And she still could, if she wanted to, but she hasn’t, and instead of thanking your lucky stars, you’re plotting ways to get her pissed at you! She hasn’t done anything to you yet! You don’t even know what to be afraid of! You don’t know what it’s like to spend days at her mercy! You don’t know what it’s like to be chained to the ceiling and whipped, you don’t know what it’s like for her to break your arm in twelve different places, you don’t know what it’s like to wish she was drowning you because at least then you wouldn’t have to worry about stitching yourself up afterward!”

They are screaming by the end, and Dollie rushes into the room. She places a hand on their shoulder gently, and they turn around and sob, holding her tightly. She runs her fingers along their back in soothing circles and doesn’t look at you, just hums a song softly into Kit’s ear.

You look away, feeling as if you’ve intruded on a private moment. You aren’t going to get any help in your escape from either of them. You’ll save them too, but it’ll have to be after you’ve left. You’ll come back with backup.

Kit’s sobs get quieter, and eventually they sit down on the edge of the bed, letting go of Dollie.

“I’m sorry about that. I just… I’m sorry. I understand where you’re coming from, I felt the same way at first. Thought Puppy was fucking crazy for going along with all this. Hated her for a while. I know nothing I can say will get through to you, and I’m sure you feel the same about me. We’re going to keep a close eye on you again, alright? I don’t want you to get hurt.”

You hate them, you hate them so much

“You can always talk to me, if you want. You can yell at me back if that would make you feel better.”

You don’t say anything, and they nod.

“That’s okay. We’re both going to hang out in here tonight, okay?”

You glare at them. They sigh.

“You can’t be running off anywhere with a concussion anyway. Just rest.”

Despite how annoyed you are, you can acknowledge they have a point. You sulk for a few hours before reluctantly eating dinner, and then play card games with the two of them until you’re ready to go to sleep. Your head hurts.

A/N: Let me know if I should tag anything else!

#whump #whump writing #whumpblr #creepy whumper #intimate whumper #nonhuman whumper #multiple whumpees #pet whump #whumpee #whumper #caretaker #2nd person pov #discussion of torture tw #canabalism mention tw #jane’s pets

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servin-up-surveys · 1 year

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survey #094

(taken december 28th last year; uploading surveys taken while gone)

Do you prefer light-coloured eyes or dark-coloured eyes? In general, light.

Are you similar to your sibling(s), personality-wise? How so? Not really, except my mom's oldest daughter Katie. We are VERY similar and I really wish I got to see her way more than I do; she lives in Kentucky. We're both bipolar and deal with a lot of emotional stuff, and we both have a calm, quiet external personality.

Do you watch amateur song covers on YouTube? No. I like some cover artists, but I wouldn't call them "amateurs" by this point in their YouTube careers.

Has someone ever told you that you didn’t have a backbone? How did you react? Been called spineless, yes, and it hurt, but not nearly as much as other shit she said. In some ways I can see her perspective about that in how I handled the situation and I wish I had carried out our split differently, however I absolutely had my reasons, like I genuinely thought we'd both be better off with how I did it.

Do you know who the members of your favourite band are dating? Well Ozzy is obviously married to Sharon, but I don't know most of the Rammstein guys' current partners because really most of them are private with their personal and family lives and the info isn't really public.

What is the longest time you’ve gone without brushing your teeth? I'm not comfortable sharing this because hygiene neglect is a very legitimate problem I've been through because of depression and self-worth and stuff, and I'm finally paying for it with so much dental work in the process. Take care of your teeth, people, you've got ONE pair of adult teeth and your neglect will inevitably eventually show.

Are there any songs that got you through tough times? Which one(s)? Oh my lord in heaven, I could list probably near 50 that played very deep roles in keeping me going, but I'll try to pick out a few super strong ones. "It's Alright" by Mother Mother is one of my absolute go-tos for comfort and reassurance, "The Ghost of You" by My Chemical Romance is a song I JUST became able to listen to again because I binged the shit out of it and sobbed my eyes out to it after Jason's mom died, "Lost It All" by Black Veil Brides was a significant piece in my worst depression, "Another Life" by Motionless In White (along with a metric shitload of over songs, mainly BY MiW) was SUPER significant as I grieved Jason... There's just so so so so SO many, dude.

Would you be interested in going to see a psychic? Absolutely not, I don't give money to scam artists.

What is the most recent band you’ve started listening to? I'm kinda getting into Ghost.

Did you have a lot of role models as a kid? Uh, maybe not "a lot," idk. There was mostly Steve Irwin, Jane Goodall, Jeff Corwin, Jack Hanna... Mostly animal lovers and educators.

Do you feel like anyone looks up to you? Why or why not? Absolutely not. Because I'm, y'know, *gestures at self*

What are three things you hate about your country? Our healthcare system and how human wellfare is handled in general, how incredibly poorly we "take care" of our homeless (it's NOT a worldwide thing where homeless people are treated like fucking roaches in a gourmet restaurant, but America is wonderful at doing just that), and how could I NOT mention how fucking arrogant and "superior" an alarming chunk of our population think this country is, NA imperialism is a massive problem and makes this country look like a fucking joke.

What are three things you love about your country? I mean in general it's a strong place for various opportunities, it's advanced in many areas like proper and safe housing, very impressive medical capabilities, etc., and it has an incredible amount of environment diversity.

If you had to study abroad for a semester, where would you like to go? GERMANY. Spending a year there and therefore inevitably being regularly exposed to the language would help me learn SO much, I'm sure.

If you had to study in another state for a year, where would you go? Somewhere to the west, with plenty of forests and just be surrounded by nature. OR Michigan. I want to visit Arizona, but a year might be too much for me because of the heat.

Who is the nicest person you know? Probably Mazzy, honestly.

Do you act fake on Facebook? lol hell no, I am very open about things like political, religious, and ethical stuff and I know it pisses off family and probably disappoints old teachers, I just don't care.

Do you feel comfortable sharing opinions online? For the most part, yeah. I'm way more comfortable doing it online than in person, and as I get older the more willing I am to share regardless of environment.

[TW: GENERAL ABUSE, SEXUAL ABUSE] Have you ever been abused, kidnapped, molested, or harassed by a cop? I consider myself immensely lucky that I have not been, but I absolutely was harassed as a child by two male peers.

Do you feel safe where you live? For the most part, yes. No one cares about this little shitty section of North Carolina, lol. We're not on anybody's radar. However, I do sometimes think about how if DC got hit by an atomic bomb or something similar, I'm pretty damn sure we would be within pretty damn close impact and be wiped out. I don't think about it a lot though at all, it's a total chance situation that I have absolutely zero control over, so whatever.

Where have you considered moving to? Western NC. That's where one day I want Girt and me to be, in the mountains.

Do you want to move? Desperately. Both Mom and I absolutely loathe this place.

Are there any good churches in your town? I don't believe in "good" churches.

Have you been falsely diagnosed with something by a bad doctor? Yep. Can y'all believe I have ADHD? I did NOT stay with that psychiatrist long, the therapist that worked with her was fuckin weird too.

Have you ever had a doctor refuse to treat you? Uh I don't think so at all.

Who has isolated you and refused to speak to you? Well, Jason, but by this point I don't want to talk to/associate with him either.

Do you have a Nintendo Switch? No.

Have you played Breath of the Wild? No, I'm not a Zelda fan.

Has anyone ever specifically painted you a painting? I remember Juan gave me a Pikachu painting he did in art class once, but idk if he made it FOR me.

Do you feel a connection to the moon? Not really, but also yes. I'm one of those "everything is ultimately connected/as above, so below" people and believe in our very, very core, we all originate from one specific starting point, and that technically connects us to the moon, but I don't feel some like, spiritual connection to it and the connection that DOES exist is so so SO very strained by time.

What are some fall activities you would do with your kids? If I ever have kids, fall will definitely be something I look forward to. I'd seriously decorate the house for Halloween for sure, maybe a bit for Thanksgiving too, and I think I'd wanna make crafts with leaves and stuff with them. At LEAST once I'd absolutely wanna let them jump in a big ol' raked leaf pile. Decorating pumpkins is a must, and I'd definitely wanna pass down my love of Hocus Pocus and other Halloween movies. We will ABSOLUTELY go trick-or-treating, I will drive far to ensure my kids experience a fun, safe, traditional Halloween instead of just that trunk-or-treat garbage. :( As they got older I'd be willing to let them have access to more spooky stuff, like I would without a fuckin DOUBT get the Scary Stories to Tell in the Dark books, let them go on haunted hayrides and visit haunted house attraction-type stuff, etc. I think it'd be a total fuckin blast to go ghost hunting with my teen kids, lol. YEESH there's more stuff I would want to do but this is already long AND the topic of kids kinda stresses me out now so moving on.

Have you ever seen a fox? Yes, but they're disappointingly rare to see here. :( I actually saw a pretty damn rare sight the other day, a roadkilled red fox, and I was so sad to see it dead. You never see the red and white ones around here.

What color are the squirrels where you live? We have gray squirrels (basically a dull brown with white-ish highlights) around here.

Do you find museums boring or interesting? I LOVE museums, especially science ones. It's a total fucking DREAM for me to visit one with a fossil display, I've never seen one. :(

What was your favorite girl group when you were growing up? Uh, most likely Spice Girls.

Who is the last person you cut out of your life? Mini, once and for all. I don't support transphobic, pro-life bigots.

Name ONE good memory about your last ex? It was just a very new experience, dating a girl. I also felt just extremely connected to her in a friendship sort of way, like one of the tightest friendships I've ever felt, pretty much right when I met her in real life. I was immediately so very comfortable in her presence.

What are you superstitious about? Nothing.

Have you ever had feelings for two people at the same time? Yes. Not like insanely deep ones, but crushes.

Do you study better with or without music? Without.

How many kids do you want to have? I will probably have none, but if I do decide I want children, I absolutely will not have more than two.

Who’s the last person you smoked weed with? I've never smoked.

Who is the person you have hurt the most? Maybe my mom? Or Jason? Sara, maybe? Idk.

Who is the person that has hurt you the most? Jason.

Have you purposely flirted with a friend's crush? As a pre-teen, yes. THAT was an event.

Do you have any siblings that moved away to college? Ashley did when she was in college; she lived in a dorm with friends.

Who’s the last guy to give you roses? Tyler.

What’s the largest animal you’ve ever had as a pet? Cali, a boxer mix.

Could you possibly write a successful novel? I think I could, but I won't.

If you had to get a portrait tattoo, who would it be of? My dog Teddy. I still might do that, but I also may revise his tribute tattoo, idk yet.

Did you get carded the last time you ordered an alcoholic drink? No.

Would you ever consider moving to another country for your career? No. That's the primary reason I never pursued being a meerkat biologist.

Do you own a Kindle? No, I strongly favor physical books. Digital ones just aren't the same at all to me.

Have you ever made a sex tape? No, and that's not something I'm ever willing to do.

What’s the first thing that comes to mind when you hear the word “Monday”? In this instance Orgy's cover of "Blue Monday" came to mind, lol.

What is your favorite fruit? Strawberries. I also really enjoy kiwi too, though.

What was the last photograph you took? I took some photos of the Christmas tree a few days back!

What was the first sport you learned how to play? I feel like it was soccer... but I absolutely hated it. It may have been t-ball, which I did enjoy as a kiddo.

Do you like to hold hands? If you're my s/o, yes.

Is shyness cute? It can be. Historically it seems like I'm more attracted to outgoing people, I guess as a sort of balance for me, and I find it ESPECIALLY cute when a typically more socially confident person acts shy around me. It's something that sometimes happens with Girt and I adore it, lol.

Have you ever snuck around to be with a guy? Nope.

Why do some guys lie about not being virgins? I feel like they're like, "expected" to not be, especially at a certain age, way more than women. It's insane how virgin women tend to be seen as so pure, but a man being a virgin is hilarious and/or embarrassing.

Would you ever stay with a cheater? NO. Absolutely not. I'm out, immediately.

Have you ever been pregnant? No, let's keep it that way for my foreseeable future.

Do you or have you ever had a fake ID? Nope.

Do you think earrings are attractive or unattractive on guys? I'd say it depends on the guy, but I'm generally attracted to piercings on anyone. Regardless though, my personal opinion doesn't mean shit, guys can adorn their bodies however the hell they want.

Have you ever walked in on somebody doing something… questionable? I FEEL like I once walked into my parents' room to my dad maybe watching porn. I was never sure, but I do remember what was on the TV was sus and that he changed it after I walked in there.

What is the most disturbing movie you’ve ever watched? Probably Paranormal Entity. The ending was A LOT.

Who is the FIRST person you thought of this morning? Probably Jason because I actually had a dream featuring him last night.

If your best friend needed somewhere to stay, could they live with you? Of course, my mom nor I would need to think about it for even a heartbeat.

What were you doing at 12:00am last night? Uh pretty sure I was finishing up my Flickr, since I decided to revamp that last night.

What are you listening to right now? "Mary On A Cross" by Ghost.

#survey #surveys #random questions #personal questions

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clovercrawlsys · 1 year

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a big batch of alter intros in one :D to make it more easy - oz

Ozzie[she/xe/moss/mirco/flora] - 🐙

role: host, trauma holder

yays: squids, oz/ozzie/oswald, the black phone (specifically vance hopper, bruce yamada and finney blake), horror movies, kdramas

nays: i personally dont wanna involve myself in syscourse, its stressful, clowns, most religious imagery.

Albert [He/Xe/2/3]- 🪓

role: persecutor, programmed part, trauma holder, gatekeeper

yays: food, dogs, cats, ozzie, gore

nays: topics including kidnapping, religious imagery.

[No image. Prefer to keep myself, my source, and how I appear in headspace to myself.] - 🪓

Lizbat [Mirror pronouns] - 🦇

role: trauma holder, avenger, sx. protector

yays: bats, halloween, monster high, sourcemates!!

nays: not sure yet, probably just mean people.

Scaramouche/Charlie [She/Xe/Bolt]- 🎓

role: trauma holder, originally a programmed part, medications helper, information share-er / gatekeeper and protector.

yays: sourcemates, cats, minecraft, storms

nays: anything to do with the idea of an all powerful being.

Vance [He/Xer/Zeph/Pin/Eights/9] - 👊

role: avenger, gatekeeper, programmed part, persecutor

yays: pinball, sourcemates, sleeping

nays: not going to list.

Robin [ No Pronouns] - 🤜

role: protector, middle

yays: the outsiders, old movies, horror films

nays: not sure yet

Finney / Star [Rocket/Rockets pronouns] - 🚀

role: protector, middle

yays: 'telephone', old films, robin, sourcemates

nays: no.

Billy / Will [No Pronouns] - ❌

role: caregiver, protector, programmed part (recovering)

yays: old cars, movies, sourcemates

nays: not telling.

= I do not stand by my sources actions either, he's a racist pig and I hope he burns in hell. /srs. - ❌

Ellie/Jane/Eleanore (she/xe/it/ones) - 🥼

role: little, doll

yays: anything glittery

nays: slugs

not actual source, was based off an anne of greengables doll we had.

William [No pronouns] - 🎲

role: protector, gatekeeper

yays: not comfortable sharing.

nays: not comfortable sharing.

Yays/Nays are not triggers, as we agree to not wanting those out in the open, for our own safety. Programmed parts will not be sharing information of what they're programmed for unless it is with trusted individuals. Sourcemates are allowed to interact, but please understand if we do not remember you the way you might remember us, as we are not our sources. Thanks. - 🪓

#alter intro #osdd1b #introjects

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bananonbinary · 3 years

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Time for a Salty Meta Post about Martin!

people who’ve followed this blog for a bit know that spending six hours combing through text for some goddamn sources is my specialty, so i compiled every time jon ever talked about martin’s work in season 1. which for the record, he stopped complaining about all the way back in episode 26, where he was angry that martin of all people got hurt.

things jon gets mad at martin for:

not being able to find records that don’t exist

not being able to find someone based only on a first name

the Dog

not wearing trousers in his off-hours

being the one that got caught up in the jane prentiss thing

mag 004 and mag 012 both have jon taking potshots at martin over research that was proven accurate by outside sources

things jon has never once complained about:

martin not understanding the filing system and just putting stuff away at random

martin being clumsy, constantly ruining things, spilling tea everywhere everyday, etc

martin turning in incompetent, poorly-edited, or badly formatted reports

martin not understanding the terminology used, skills expected, etc., and generally being extremely new to the field

please for the love of god stop making martin the silly bumbling idiot who can’t do anything right just because he doesn’t have a formal education. there’s zero evidence for it in the text, and it’s really weird to act like a 4 year degree would outweigh the *10 years* of job experience he has, not just in academia, but in the institute itself by season one. my boy has worked there longer than ANY of the rest of the main cast. screw you guys.

tl;dr: martin is never once shown to be bad at his job, jon pretty much only ever gets mad at him for the really stupid first impression and also not finding stuff that no one else was able to find either. after martin got hurt, jon talks about his research basically the same way he talks about tim’s or sasha’s work.

fucking proof under the cut:

(i didnt include the s1 finale or martin’s statement bc that’s just...two entire episodes of them talking to each other, but there isn’t really any notable Martin Complaints in either of them imo)

I swear, if he’s brought another dog in here, I’m going to peel him.

[pre-launch trailer]

Well, technically three, but I don’t count Martin as he’s unlikely to contribute anything but delays.

[...] Alongside this Tim, Sasha and, yes, I suppose, Martin will be doing some supplementary investigation to see what details may be missing from what we have.

[MAG001 Anglerfish]

Martin couldn’t find any records of Ex Altiora as a title in existent catalogues of esoteric or similar literature, so I assigned Sasha to double-check. Still nothing.

[MAG004 Pageturner]

I had Martin conduct a follow-up interview with Mr. Woodward last week, but it was unenlightening. Apparently there have been no further bags at number 93 and in the intervening years he has largely discounted many of the stranger aspects of his experience. I wasn’t expecting much, as time generally makes people inclined to forget what they would rather not believe, but at least it got Martin out of the Institute for an afternoon, which is always a welcome relief.

[MAG005 Thrown Away]

Martin was unable to find the exact date the original house was built but the earliest records he could find list it as being bought by Walter Fielding in 1891.

[...]

We cannot prove any connection, but Martin unearthed a report on an Agnes Montague, who was found dead in her Sheffield flat on the evening of November 23rd 2006, the same day Mr. Lensik claims to have uprooted the tree.

[MAG008 Burned Out]

According to Martin, who was here when they took this statement, it was at this point in writing that Mr. Herbert announced he needed some sleep before continuing. He was shown to the break room where he went to sleep on the couch. He did not awaken; unfortunately succumbing to the lung cancer right there. Martin says the staff had been aware of how serious Mr. Herbert’s condition was, and had advised him to seek medical aid prior to giving his statement, but were told rather bluntly by the old man that he would not wait another second to state his case. I can’t decide whether this lends more or less credibility to his tale.

[MAG010 Vampire Killer]

“Veepalach” might also be a mishearing of the Polish word “wypalać”, according to Martin, which means to cauterize or brand. Admittedly, if Martin speaks Polish in the same way he “speaks Latin,” then he might be talking nonsense again, but I’ve looked it up and it appears to check out.

[MAG012 First Aid]

I sent Martin to look into this ‘Angela’ character - not that I want him to get chopped up, of course, but someone had to. Apparently, he spent three days looking into every woman named Angela in Bexley over the age of 50. He could not find anyone that matches the admittedly vague description given here, though he informs me that he had some very pleasant chats about jigsaws. Useless ass.

[MAG014 Piecemeal]

Martin declined to help with this investigation as he’s “a bit claustrophobic”

[MAG015 Lost John’s Cave]

There simply aren’t enough details given in this statement to actually investigate, short of Martin confirming that Mr. Vittery did indeed live at the addresses he provided.

[MAG016 Arachnophobia]

Oh, he’s off sick this week. Stomach problems, I think.

Blessed relief if you ask me.

[...]

I asked Martin to try and hunt down Mr. Adekoya himself for a follow-up, but have been informed that he passed away in 2006.

[MAG017 The Boneturner’s Tale]

MARTIN

Well, I need to tell someone what happened, and you can vouch for the soundness of my mind, can’t you?

ARCHIVIST

…

That is beside the point.

[MAG022 Colony]

Martin! Good lord man, if you’re going to be staying in the Archives, at least have the decency to put some trousers on!

[MAG023 Schwartzwald]

Martin found one other thing while combing through police reports for the Hither Green area. About a month after this statement was given, on May 15th, 2015, police were called out to once again investigate the chapel.

[MAG025 Growing Dark]

I know, but it would have to have been Martin, wouldn’t it? I mean, anything goes wrong around here, it always seems to happen to him. Anyway, we’re getting off topic. Why didn’t you report this?

[MAG026 A Distortion]

Martin made contact with the son, Marcus McKenzie, but he declined to talk to us, saying that he’d “already made his statement.”

[MAG027 A Sturdy Lock]

Tim and Martin had a bit more luck investigating Tom Haan, though only really enough to confirm that he seems to have completely vanished following his departure from Aver Meats on the 12th of July.

[MAG030 Killing Floor]

Martin’s research would seem to indicate the place employed a reasonable number of international staff they preferred to keep off the books

[...]

TIM

Ah well, that’s actually what he was asking, huh! Um, apparently Martin, uh, took delivery of a couple of items last week addressed to you. Did he not mention it?

ARCHIVIST

No, he… Oh, yes, actually. I completely forgot. He said he put it in my desk drawer, hold on.

[MAG036 Taken Ill]

#the magnus archives #LISTEN #i am once again asking people to remember that martin has MORE job experience at the institute than literally any other character #(except elias or i guess maybe rosie)#he's the goddamn veteran not the newbie #fan wank /

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astaroth1357 · 3 years

Text

Demigod MC Series: Hermes

Hey guys, still doing what I can to stay healthy (and entertained) in quarantine. Staying still, keeping calm, and trying not to exert myself too much because of the shortness of breath thing going on. My lungs just can't get enough air it seems… 😅 Anyway, I've gotten a lot of suggestions on this series and I'm excited to keep it going. Just going to be a tad slow until I'm feeling better. Thank you for the support, y'all!

Demigod MC Series: Intro, Aphrodite, Hermes

Lucifer

Oh no… it’s everyone’s worst nightmare… Another Mammon, but competent. Devil help us all…

Had he known who their father was, he'd have never assigned Mammon to watch over them. Hell, he would have made sure those two never even met. They became a new handful for him to manage from the day they first arrived…

When even more things started going missing around the House than normal, he knew he had made a grave mistake… They were clever, quick, and skilled. About the best WORST combination for a burglar to be…

Worse still, they were fast on their feet. He would pretty much have no way to nab them on foot and always had to resort to his wings or magic to have any hope of catching up to them… At least Mammon usually gets himself cornered!

But, paradoxically, he also came to notice that the mortal had an odd honesty streak to them... Like, they’d steal but they’d always admit to it, unlike Mammon who would try to deflect till he was blue in the face.

Were they proud of their work, maybe? Or just didn’t see the point in trying to get away with it...?

There would be several occasions where they’d take something, sell it with Mammon, and then steal the thing back later just to put it back where it belonged, seemingly never with Mammon’s permission to do so either…

Is it better that they returned the stolen item or worse because their actions went from just robbery to a full-on scam? Either way, it gives him headaches trying to deal with it…

He pretty much gives up getting the mortal to stop after 6 months, they are legitimately that good, but makes them swear to always put back whatever they take at some point. It seems to work out and he lets more things slide, but please someone get them out of here soon…

Mammon

Soulmatesoulmatesoulmatesoulmate, or maybe more accurately “Partner-in-Crime” but that means pretty much the same thing to him anyway. 🤷‍♀️

He’s never met a person better at thievery than they were. The day they met, they managed to pick his pockets without breaking a sweat (or a finger) and that was it. He was in love.

They could teleport! Actually teleport!! Suddenly, NOTHING was off limits to him any more! Lucifer’s rare records? Easy. Levi’s secret safe? Cakewalk. The Castle vault?? Child’s play!! It was like they could steal anything they put their mind to!!

He didn't even have to worry about them when they made getaways because they were fast too, the two actually have parkour races through the streets for the hell of it!

On top of all that, they were wicked creative. He’d come up with a money-making scheme then they’d offer him all sorts of little tricks to help get away with it...

HE’D have never realized that they could turn themselves into rats in order to frighten and sneak past Barbatos, but they thought of it the instant they heard of his fear of things. They're a mad genius!!

The only real downside was they seemed to like stealing for the sport of it instead of for the money… so they always steal back whatever they took.

That kind of defeats the purpose of all that work in the first place, right? Ah well, at least that's more money for him.

These two pretty much became a walking menace to Devildom society- Sorry, not sorry.

Leviathan

Not another Mammon!!! WHY?! What did he do to deserve this?!?

When he started noticing that EVEN MORE of his stuff was going missing than usual, he straight-up flipped! Like, had the mortal not been pretty tough in their own right they would have been Lotan-chow. End of discussion.

… And then they started using their powers for good? Kind of?

Like, first off they would always give back what they stole, which was a nice change from Mammon. Annoying, but at least he didn't have to go buy replacement games or anything…

And then they started stealing him limited edition merch or tickets and stuff because they… liked him?? He guessed???

Why else would they go to all the trouble of swiping one of the five ultra-rare Kitsune Ruri-chan figurines from its original collector? He would have had to pay Mammon half his tail for something like that but the MC just brought it to him one morning because they could!

Is… is this love? Has he grown to love that which he hates?! What is even happening anymore!?! Who is he?!? 😫

Eventually he has to reconcile his conflicted feelings by dubbing them the real life Peony Phantom Thief, Jane and even making them a cosplay. Yes, they have to wear it when they bring him things. No, it's not weird, shut up.

Satan

He wants to be irritated, no - furious, that they keep taking his stuff… But he’ll be damned if they aren’t making Lucifer’s life a living hell right now. 😏

He's honestly not even sure how they managed to swipe half of the priceless portraits in the Castle (a considerable feat since there's one for Every. Room.) but they pulled it off in under a week. Barbs didn't even notice the replicas…

If that's not mildly terrifying, he doesn't know what is. Who knows what things he could be missing at any given moment...?

At least the mortal had the good sense to return his things, unlike Mammon, which gets them off his shit list for the most part. 🤷‍♀️

It helps that they’re also impressively well-traveled. They claim to have been across every human continent and sailed every ocean. Though he was skeptical at first, just hearing their stories eventually convinced him.

What sort of person has sailed the Amazon River, hiked through Arctic tundra, seen every major capital city, and still had time to explore the sights of the French Riviera?

One that has magical teleportation powers apparently.

Frankly, he could listen to their stories of the human world all day and still ask for another. He's told them that they may as well just write a book of their own for him at some point, it'd be beneficial to their poor vocal chords.

Asmodeus

Ugh! Really? Another thief in the House?? Wasn’t one hard enough to deal with?!

Honestly, stolen beauty products aren't exactly something you can just sell or give back, so unfortunately a lot of Asmo's clothes/accessories get targeted and he is NOT happy about it...

Around the time his favorite scarf was stolen for the third time, he was about to gut the mortal himself, but they struck a deal with him. They could nab his clothes SO LONG as they returned them with an extra little "gift."

Jewelry, perfume, creams, nail polish, etc. Asmo kept a running list and pretty much treated his thieving friend like a less moral version of Akuzon. Whatever he asked for, no matter how rare or expensive, they always got their hands on so who was he to complain?

He once decided to test them by asking for the Hope Diamond - which they got for him - but he made them return it after a week after the curse on it made him ruin a particularly intricate manicure so…

Like Satan, he's also pretty impressed with all the places they've seen. He's pretty traveled in the human world himself so they exchange travel stories all the time!

He may bother them to him out traveling from time to time. There are so many gorgeous and romantic places to visit in the human world after all, it's not like anybody could stop them from just… popping in to have a look. Right? 😏

Beelzebub

They learned very quickly that his food is absolutely off limits and after that, they were good.

Seriously. Beel caught them once trying to swipe a piece of pizza from his dinner and he nearly ripped their arm off for it…

But on the flipside, he also knows that he can go to them if he REALLY needs a snack and is short on cash.

It's pretty comical watching the fleet-foot mortal running from angry demon vendors with a basket of stolen apples for their buddy… But he appreciates their enthusiasm! 🙂

Beel actually likes to hear about their travels too, but mostly what they've eaten. They can keep him enraptured for hours by describing all the food they've come across in the human world…

Watch out for the drool, though.

Since they can teleport, they'll sometimes pop up with a human world treat for him and the man internally swears his undying love for them every time...

Outwardly, though, he just smiles. 'Cause he's a sweetie.

Belphegor

They… they opened the attic door on, like, the first day they met… They didn’t even make it look that hard, they had some kind of knack for breaking and entering…

Seriously, imagine the look on his face when they just walk into the attic to say hello… He had this whole, “Lure and Trick the Human” plan all thought out then they pulled out a magic lockpick or something and BOOM! Freedom!

He laughed, perhaps a little closer to the edge of sanity than he was intending, and he tried to attack them but they were so damn fast he couldn't land a single hit!

Damn was it embarrassing when the others came in…

MC: "LUCIFER! LUCIFER!! There's a monster in your attic!!!"

Lucifer: "That's not a monster that's my brother!!"

MC: *stops midway through kneeing Belphie in the stomach* …. Ooooooooh!

MC: Whoops.

It was a… rocky start.

After they settled their differences quelled Belphie's bloodlust he found that they kind of grew on him rather quickly… Something about that mischievous energy and how much they gave his brothers (minus Beel) grief with it.

He absolutely helps them with their plans if it will annoy Lucifer in any way. Occasionally, they'll even take Belphie out on raids instead of Mammon.

Turns out he's surprisingly good at distractions because all he has to do is pretend to fall then take a nap. People around him will legitimately believe that he needs medical attention so the MC can sneak through crowds undetected...

Of course, Mammon gets PISSED when they do this, though. How dare his baby brother try to steal away his perfect partner!! Get your own damn mortal, Belphie!!! 🤬

#obey me #obey me shall we date #shall-we-date-obey-me #obey me lucifer #obey me mammon #obey me leviathan #obey me satan #obey me asmodeus #obey me beelzebub #obey me belphegor #obey me headcanons #obey me scenarios #obey me demigods

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randomshyperson · 3 years

Text

Wanda Maximoff / Reader - The One Where You Punch Tony Stark - Chapter Three

Gif is not mine, but i love it.

Part 1 || Part 2 || Part 4 || Read on AO3 (Complete Work)

Summary: When the rumors that you punched Tony Stark in the face spread around your school, some interesting events unfolded.

Warnings: 18+; Enemies to Lovers; Angry Sex; Underage Sex; High School AU; Violence; Fights; Inappropriate language; Fluff and Smut; minor mentions of Reader x Carol and Reader x Jessica Jones.

Notes: This work was already finished on AO3, but i forgot to continue this on Tumblr. I hope everyone who thought that was a one shot, enjoy the rest of it.

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Chapter Three - Sometimes it’s just a date

You don't like water polo. Actually, you don't like watching the water polo team.

With next week being finals week, you would like to have a quiet period. But then, the track and field and water polo finals are making the athletes restless, and you have to deal with the excitement of your colleagues around the halls.

Maybe Natasha is right, you are pretty grumpy when it comes to socializing.

Participation in a sports team is mandatory from the first year on. Principal Thanos had approved this rule as an "incentive to healthy living," and only students with a medical condition could get away with it. You considered falsifying a medical history many times, but eventually you agreed to join the lacrosse team. You kept your performance average, just to maintain your grade. And even when the coach saw potential in you, you told her that you had no interest in participating in the championships.

And then you were sitting on the team bench, watching your team play on the field while the crowd cheered as you watched. All sports were encouraged, after all, usually all students attended all kinds of games. You watched Natasha wave to you from the stands, and you smiled back.

You were almost falling asleep, then a chorus of startled exclamations coming from the audience startled you, and you looked quickly at the field.

Your teammate, Gamora, suffered a foul and was being helped off the field by her teammates. You looked down the field with a frown, hoping that she was all right. But then she was taken off the field on a stretcher, her knee bandaged. It didn't take long before the coach came to you and signaled that you were going to have to replace the girl.

Letting out a grumble of protest, you stood up, grabbing the bat the coach offered you, and stepped onto the field.

Your approach to playing was interesting. You were aggressive and impatient, but efficient. You scored three points, and tried not to be bothered by the attention you were getting. And then, when your team won, you tried not to push the girls who jumped on you during the celebration.

As you joined the team in the locker room, the coach asked to speak to you privately.

- I wanted to say that I was surprised by your performance, but in fact I always knew what you could do. - She commented as soon as you were alone in her room, inside the locker room. You shifted the weight of your feet, awkwardly.

- Thanks, I guess. - You say, and the teacher smiles tenderly at you.

- Tell me, Y/L, do you have plans for college? - she asks, leaning on her desk.

- Not really, Coach. - You say. - I sent some applications, but after my suspension, I don't think I will have much of a chance.

- You know that something like a position on a regular team can count in your favor. - She comments, and you shrug.

- I have only played in two games so far. - You hit back. She smiles.

- Oh yes, and you performed flawlessly. - She says. - What I'm saying is, I could write you a letter of recommendation. If you commit to play with us until the end of the school year, of course.

You frown, thinking about it.

- I wouldn't want to take Gamora's place.

The teacher laughs, shrugging her shoulders.

- Don't worry about it, we can arrange the team for you to play together. Besides that, unfortunately Gamora will not participate in at least two games because of her injury. And she will be happy to know that you are helping the team to win.

You nod, putting your hands in your pockets.

- Okay, I'll take it then. - You say. - Only for the letter of recommendation of course. - You joke, and the coach goes to one of the drawers. She pulls out a first team uniform. - This is yours. - She hands it to you. - And please try to control your temper on the field.

The coach winks at you, and you laugh slightly, accepting the uniform. You nod slightly and walk out of the room toward the showers.

- I can't believe you're a jock now! - Natasha jokes when you tell her you joined the team. You laugh, pushing her slightly. You are sitting at the tables in the outdoor cafeteria during the second break.

- Please don't say that. - You say playfully. Nat just smiles, taking a bite out of her snack.

- But anyway. - she says after a moment. - Are you still going to the concert on Saturday?

You let out a sigh and Nat looks at you curiously.

- I'll tell you something, and you promise not to hate me?

Nat laughs, imitating a promise sign, and you shake your head, smiling.

- Go ahead, say it. You're making me curious. - She asks. You laugh, trying to build up courage.

- I have to tell Carol I'm not interested. - You begin, and Nat raises her eyebrows in surprise. - I'm liking someone else.

- Wow, Jones really got to you? - She assumes, and you laugh, denying it with your head. - Wait, there's a third girl? My God, you're unstoppable.

You laugh ruefully, and Nat follows you. You swallow dryly before speaking and look at the table where you are sitting.

- I am in love with Wanda Maximoff.

Nat lets out a surprised exclamation, and then laughs, thinking you were joking. And then she notices your expression, and widens her eyes in surprise.

- My God, you are serious! - she exclaims. But then she smiles at you, and puts her hand on your forearm. - Hey, I don't have a problem with that. I was just a little surprised.

- Really? - you ask with a sigh of relief. Nat smiles at you.

- Now explain to me how this happened. - She asks, cupping her face in her left hand as she looks at you intently. You take a sip of your soda before speaking.

- Actually, this has been going on for some time. - You confess. - Me and Wanda... well. The first person who knew I liked girls was her. - You tell, and Nat lets out a surprised exclamation, but does not interrupt you. - We have been in the same class since elementary school. When we were in eighth grade, she saw me kissing Mary Jane Watson behind the soccer fields. I asked her not to tell anyone, and she never did. - You say, and Nat listens attentively. - And then she became who she is now, and any interaction we had seemed like we were going to jump around each other's necks at any moment. - You sighed. - And then, after the soccer game, I gave her an orgasm against the locker room wall.

- Wait, what? - exclaimed Natasha in surprise. - My god, you had sex with Wanda Maximoff? - She practically screamed and you raised your hands and waved for her to keep her voice down. Nat laughed with a mixture of disbelief and excitement. - I can't believe it. I don't even know what to think about it.

You mumbled with embarrassment, looking away.

- Just keep it down, please. - You asked, and Nat laughed.

- Are you two in some kind of secret relationship now? - she asked, and you laughed ironically.

- Not at all. - You say. - She completely ignored me after that. And then we argued during Ms. Hill's class.

- Shit, I'm sorry about that. But are you still willing to take this anywhere? Since you are going to dismiss Carol.

You blink slightly, thoughtfully. Then you shrug.

- I'm only going to dismiss Carol because it's not fair to be with her while thinking about another girl. - You explain. - And I don't expect Wanda to want anything to do with me anyway.

- I see. - Nat says, giving you a sad smile. - But I think she would be very stupid to let someone like you slip away.

You smile sadly, and you go back to eating. Before long the break is over, and you share Nat's displeasure at having to go to the health class.

Health classes are awkward. At least now that you and Natasha were friends, you were distracted by her jokes. Professor Wade Wilson was known for his humorous and completely unfiltered attitude during class. He made jokes and pranks, and didn't care much if the students were actually learning something. You remember when you were learning about the effects of alcohol on the body and he brought a bottle of whiskey and shared it among the students. Counselor Fury was not happy at all.

But occasionally you learned very important things in class, like how to clean wounds made in laboratories, for example.

You figured he would follow the programmed curriculum, but you should know better. Wilson came into the room, sat down at his own desk and signaled for everyone to go to their seats. Nat exchanged an amused look with you.

- Good morning, brats. - He said as he took something out of his pocket. The room erupted in giggles and comments as he held up a rubber penis and vagina. - Let's talk about sex today.

- Finally, eh Mr. Wilson! - shouted Tony Stark ironically, causing the class to laugh. You saw him give Pepper Potts a mischievous look, while the girl just smiled and fiddled with her hair.

- Well, I need to teach you how to put on condoms first. - says the professor with a slight irony in his voice. - Because of course you are all innocent in this matter.

The class laughed, but you were distracted scribbling in your notebook. The professor leaned over to read the attendance list on his desk.

- I need two of you to demonstrate your knowledge to me. - He says. - Stark and Y/L/N come forward please.

Nat nudges you with her elbow and you frown. She nods toward the desk, and Professor Wilson is already looking at you. You mumble a "shit" before getting up and walking to the front of the room.

- Please demonstrate. - He says handing a condom to you and one to Tony, who gives you an angry look, and you roll your eyes. Tony moves toward the plastic vagina, but Wilson laughs, putting his hand in your way. - The other prosthesis, Mr. Stark.

You watch Tony's red cheeks with disbelief, and you also hear the giggles that circulate around the room. Tony quickly opens the condom with his teeth and puts on the rubber penis with his shaking hands. Then he turns to the class, putting his hands in his pockets.

- Who can tell me what Mr. Stark did wrong? - asks the professor, but no one raises their hand. You wonder if people just don't want to say that Tony Stark was wrong, or if they really didn't know. - Really, guys, nobody?

- He bit the package, sir. - You grumble, feeling all the stares on you. Wilson lets out a happy exclamation as he looks at you.

- Yes, exactly, Miss Y/L/N. - He says, looking around the room again. - When you bite the condom wrapper, you can damage the condom, and consequently, take away its effectiveness. The class takes note of the information passed on. - Now, Y/N, please. Demonstrate how to use the female condom.

You let out a sigh, and turn to the table, without preventing other students from seeing what you are doing. Quickly, you open the package and put the condom on the prosthetic. Professor Wilson lets out a chuckle, congratulating you for handling it correctly, but as you turn around, you hear Tony Stark comment loudly:

- With so much practice in real life, it should be easy. - He says, and the class bursts into giggles.

- Stark. - The professor says with a scolding tone, but you assume a wry posture.

- Don't be like that, Tony. I'm sure Steve will be happy to let you practice with him. - You fight back, and the laughter swirls around you.

- Look, here you bitch... - Tony steps forward and the professor stands in front of him, with a serious expression. You think this is the first time you've seen him angry.

- You two come with me immediately.

And so you end up sitting in Nicky Fury's office again, with Tony Stark in the chair next to you. You both stand with your arms crossed and looking straight ahead as Professor Wilson explains the confusion in his class. Fury nods and says that he will handle everything, and the professor gives him an understanding smile before leaving the room.

- I have been waiting to talk to you two. - says Fury as he sits down at his desk. - Who would like to start?

- I have nothing to say. - says Tony in a harsh tone. You want to punch him again.

- That's too bad, Mr. Star. - says Fury. - You will stay here until someone tells me the nature of this conflict.

You let out an irritated snort.

- I've told you before, Fury. - You say. - Stark is an arrogant piece of shit who has no respect for anyone.

- You're fucking insane, girl! - Tony cuts you off, and you refuse to look at him. Fury lets out a sigh.

- Please, I will not tolerate this kind of verbal aggression in my office. - He says. - If you don't answer me, I will simply recommend that you both be expelled.

You and Tony are silent, both with furious expressions. But then you remember the promise you made to the coach, and let out a sigh.

- I punched Tony in the face at his eighteenth birthday party. - You confess, surprising them both.

A moment passes, and you think Fury is finally going to expel you, but then Tony speaks up next to you.

- I provoked her. - He confesses. You look surprised, and Fury just waits for Tony to clarify. He lets out an impatient sigh before speaking. - I followed her out and said some rude stuff.

Fury is thoughtful for a few minutes, and then he makes some notes in his notebook. You began to drum your fingers against your thigh, uncomfortable.

- Would you like to tell me exactly why you did that Tony? - Fury asked.

Tony let out an impatient grunt. And many moments passed before he spoke again.

- I don't know, okay? - He says, running his hands through his hair nervously. - I only saw her kissing a girl and then I was outside. I didn't want her at my party.

- I should have known you were a homophobic jerk. - You say, and Tony tells you to go fuck yourself. Fury warns you both again.

- Tony, I've heard rumors about your relationship with Mr. Rogers. - Fury begins and Stark straightens his posture, his face red. You think the conversation is getting interesting. - Don't you think, perhaps, your reaction to seeing Miss Y/L/N has something to do with it?

- I don't want to talk about it. - Tony grumbles. You stand there thoughtfully, understanding what Fury meant. He had suggested that the only reason Tony hated you so much, besides being a complete idiot, was because he rejected his own sexuality.

- We're going to talk about this privately, Mr. Star. - Announces Fury. - That will be my last warning to you two. No more fighting. If I hear that you two have renewed conflicts, I will recommend your immediate expulsion.

You and Tony nod, and Fury releases you with a detention card. You grumble, but leave the room, closing the door while Tony and Fury stand talking in private.

You never imagined that you would see Pietro Maximoff in detention. But when you thought about it, it actually made sense.

Sitting in the back of the room, you were even more surprised when he looked up at you, and gave you a shy smile. You blinked in surprise and looked away.

Professor Charles Xavier only taught history to the senior year, which left him with many free periods throughout the day, so he was also responsible for the detention class. It worked well, since it seemed that no one could hide anything from her, and detention ended up being quite efficient.

He came into the classroom with a book in his hand, and sat down, staying for many minutes without saying anything at all. And then he asked everyone to pair up, and you looked incredulously at Pietro Maximoff as he sat down in front of you.

- You're kidding me, right? - you said as soon as he arrived. Peter laughed, shrugging his shoulders.

Before Pietro could say anything, Professor Xavier announced that the class should make a short summary of the last subject he taught in class, which drew a disgruntled gasp from the few students present.

You started to take the materials out of the backpack and put them on the table.

- I wanted to thank you. - Pietro said as the professor sat down. The class was buzzing with murmurs, all the students talking about their work, and Charles didn't seem to care, focused on his book. You looked at Pietro with your eyebrows raised, and he smiled wryly. - For helping me that day.

- It's a natural reaction, Maximoff. - You retort, looking away from him and start writing in your notebook. Pietro chuckles.

- Yeah, I know. - he says. - But still, thank you. The nurse told me that if you hadn't been so quick, I might have had an injury that would have prevented me from playing football.

You shrugged, not knowing what to say. You were silent for a few moments, each concentrated on his summary, and then Pietro stopped writing and you felt him looking at you.

- What is it now? - you asked without taking your eyes off the paper.

- Do you like music? - You raise your eyebrows incredulously as you look at him.

- Everybody likes music, what kind of question is that?

Pietro laughs awkwardly.

- Sorry, you're right. - he says humorously. - I actually meant, do you know "The Panthers"? They are a rock band. They are playing in town on Saturday and…

- Are you asking me out? - You blink in confusion. Pietro shrugs.

- As a thank you. It's not a date. - He adds quickly when he sees your expression. - I'm going to the show with some friends.

- I'm also going to the show. - You retort, and Pietro assumes a surprised but happy expression.

- Great, we can see each other there then!

- I guess. - You grumble, turning your attention back to the summary. Pietro smiles, and a moment passes before he hands you a small piece of paper with a phone number.

- Text me when you get there. So it'll be easier for us to meet. - he suggested.

You blinked in surprise, but remembering that Fury had told you to avoid conflict, you just put the paper in your pocket, and you and Pietro finished the exercise. He handed your summaries to the teacher, and sat down in front of you again. You left your hands in your pockets as he turned to you.

- What did you do to be here anyway? - you asked. Pietro stretched out his legs, leaning his back against the wall.

- I followed your lead. - He said humorously, and you frowned uncomprehendingly. He laughed, then clarified. - I punched Tony during practice.

You raised your eyebrows in surprise.

- Wow, I didn't see that one coming. - You say. - May I ask why?

- He said some things about my sister. - Pietro says, locking his jaw as if remembering the conflict. - And then I punched him in the mouth. - He grimaces and imitates the move with his hand, making you laugh slightly.

- What did he say? - You can't help the question from escaping your lips. Pietro doesn't seem to mind though, shrugging his shoulders.

- Stupid comments about her, sex stuff. - he says. - We were training and he decided he was free to talk about her body to everyone on the team.

You swallowed your anger, not wanting to show it to Pietro, choosing only to nod.

- When he does it with other girls is it okay then? - you tease without holding back. Pietro frowns, denying it with his head.

- Of course not. - he says, and straightens up. - Look, I know you have an opinion about me. But I'm not a complete idiot. I don't treat girls that way.

- Oh, right. - You say it with irony. Pietro laughs, knowing exactly what you're talking about.

- I am serious. - he says. - I know what the school says about me. I don't like commitment, and I've been with a lot of girls. But I didn't cheat on any of them. - He clarifies, shrugging his shoulders. - And I don't treat them like objects.

- Congratulations for doing the minimum. - You say a bit harshly, and Pietro laughs.

You fall silent again, and then Professor Xavier dismisses the class.

Pietro waves and smiles at you as you leave detention, and you think that maybe you have been teleported to a parallel reality.

Carol picks you up at your house. You both put on your leather jackets, and she thinks it' s pretty hot.

The Panthers' concert is very crowded, and it is held in an open field on the edge of town. When you arrive, Carol holds your hand to lead you to your group of friends. You don't mind.

You hug everyone, and mention that you like Thor's new haircut, who had cut his long hair and was wearing an earring in his left ear. You were talking for several minutes in the food cart area, since the show was going to take a while to start.

Then Pietro Maximoff saw you and waved excitedly, and his friends looked at you with a mixture of curiosity and incredulity. Natasha laughed softly in your ear before he approached.

- So glad you could make it! - he said cheerfully. You decided not to mention his choice of clothes, since Pietro came with the team jacket.

- Hi Pietro. - You greet awkwardly, but he looks cheerful, and greets all of your friends with a smile.

- Hey, you're owls, aren't you? - He says. - I've seen you at state when we played there last year!

Your friends smile and nod politely, and then Pietro looks around, and waves. A group of people join you all next. You feel your body tense up the moment Wanda Maximoff walks up to you, and then a deep irritation hits you as you notice a tall boy with his arms around her. You think you have seen him before in geography class. Also in the group are your classmates Bucky Barnes, Sam Wilson, and Peter Parker, the last being a freshman. You barely register the words of introduction that Pietro makes, your attention completely on Wanda, who looks surprised and slightly embarrassed to see you.

Your friends greet Pietro's group, and you look away from Wanda to pay attention to his words.

- If you guys don't mind, can we all stay together? - Pietro suggests, and you want to scream that you can't bear to stand next to the boy holding Wanda without strangling him, but your friends agree, looking excited to interact with new people.

- Let's stay in the north stands, it's better to see. - Said Valkyrie signaling the direction, the group agreed and you started walking. Natasha hugged Clint and gave you a suggestive nod in the direction of Wanda, which made you roll your eyes in humor. And then Carol threw her arm over your shoulder, and you wanted to laugh at the deadly expression Wanda threw at you before looking forward. Carol didn't notice.

When you arrived at the chosen area, you sat down on the grass. The group was well-mixed, and everyone seemed to be talking to each other. You felt Wanda's gaze on your back, but you refused to look at her. Thor and Bucky handed out the snacks that they had bought with the group, and as you drank your soda, you felt Carol's hand on your thigh.

And then she kissed you, and you knew you had to talk to her. You asked her to walk with you, and you walked back to the entrance of the show, which was now completely empty.

It was quick, and impressive easy. Carol smiled and said that everything was fine, and said again that you never made promises to each other. She gave you a kiss on the cheek and went back to the group. You told her you would buy some candy before you went back.

When you reached the snack bar area, someone pulled you behind a pillar.

- I want to talk to you. - Wanda said angrily. You rolled your eyes impatiently, putting distance between your bodies.

- I'm all ears. - You said with irony.

- I don't want you dating anyone else.

You let out an incredulous laugh.

- You've got to be kidding me. - You spoke in anger. - Are you even listening to what you're saying now?

- Why are you going out with that girl? - Wanda asks in the same tone.

- You're a damn hypocrite, you know that? -You accuse her, moving closer. -Wanting to impose demands when you're having sex with that jerk.

Wanda rolls her eyes, and you think you might explode with rage. And then you grab her around the waist and push her against the pillar behind her. Wanda lets out a surprised exclamation and her gaze falls directly to your mouth.

- You think I don't know how you feel, don't you, Wanda? - You whisper, looking at her with a mixture of seriousness and desire. - Tell me, do you pretend it's me touching you when you're with him?

Wanda lets out a sigh, but lifts her head, not responding. You let out a wry laugh, and then you press your knee firmly against her core, and she shivers and lets out a low groan, closing her eyes tightly.

- Don't forget to moan my name tonight. - You say it against her ear, and then let go.

You walk back to the group, feeling hot and bothered. You exchange a look with Natasha, but say nothing.

Wanda comes back a little later, and during the entire show, you feel her looking at you.

You refuse Carol's ride when the show ends. She waves with a smile, and leaves. And then you wave goodbye to everyone, and decide to leave by bus. You liked public transportation because it helped you to think while you looked out the window.

- Be careful, troublemaker. - asks Nat as she gives you a hug goodbye. She is sleeping at Bruce's house and will not accompany you on the way back.

Pietro has had a few too many beers, and gives you a tight hug when he says goodbye, saying that the night was incredible. You laugh at his reaction. You don't say goodbye to Wanda.

And then you are walking to the bus stop, with your headphones on, and you almost stumble in shock when you feel someone touching your shoulder.

- Fuck, girl! - You complain as you turn around. - What is it now?- Go on a date with me. - Wanda says looking at you.

- What?

- Go on a date with me. - She repeats, smiling.

You blush, and look down at the floor, suddenly feeling very warm. You wave your hands inside your jacket pockets.

- Now?

Wanda nods, and you bite back a smile on your lips.

- Okay. - You agree.

You turn and sit down at the bus stop. Wanda sits quietly next to you. You raise your hand and take out one of your headphones, offering it to Wanda. She smiles when she accepts, and you listen to some music together while you wait for the bus.

Since the vast majority of places in town were closed at this time, you took Wanda to a place that wouldn't be.

When you worked at the junkyard, you discovered many interesting places when you had to pick up equipment for your boss. One of these places was the city's port.

You knew that there was a secluded area of the municipal harbor with an incredible view of the sea, and so you guided Wanda through the bars and down the concrete path. You sat on the edge, your feet dangling a few feet from the ocean below.

- How did you find this place? - she asks, staring at the landscape.

- Working at the junkyard made me explore the city. - You answer also looking straight ahead.

You are silent for a moment before you ask:

- What should we talk about, Wanda?

- Anything. - She says. - Or nothing at all.

You smile.

- I don't know what is going on between us. - You confess, and Wanda lets out a sigh.

She says nothing and you almost give up trying to talk about your relationship, and then she puts her hand on top of yours, looking at the ocean in front of you.

- I'll tell you one thing, and you promise not to freak out, okay? - she asks, and you nod.

Wanda looks down at her own lap, and takes a deep breath, as if she is taking courage.

- I think I'm in love with you. - She confesses, and you feel your heart race. - It's been a while, actually. I guess I just realized it now.

- How long?

- Do you remember when I saw you kissing Mary Watson in the eighth grade? - She asks and you nod. - I just... I didn't know why it bothered me. And then, you told me to keep it a secret and I got so jealous that every time I saw you I just wanted to slap you. And then we started to fight and I pushed all the feelings aside hoping they would go away. And then game night happened.

You remained silent as you absorbed Wanda's words. She spoke again before you could.

- Damn, I know this is a lot to absolve. - She says. - I understand if you just want sex. Or if you'd rather not talk to me anymore.

You interrupt her monologue with a kiss on the lips, which makes her gasp. But you pull away, smiling shyly at her.

- I'm in love with you too, Wanda. - You confess, and watch Wanda's cheeks turn red.

Wanda brings your mouths together again, and you kiss her intensely. You giggle with relief and happiness, and then Wanda hugs you around the neck, and you let your arms wrap around her tightly, sinking into her body heat as you close your eyes.

You hold each other for long minutes, until you break the embrace to look at Wanda tenderly. You find her to be the most beautiful girl you have ever seen. Running your fingers over her face, you smile tenderly.

- What will happen now? - you ask, and try not to be intimidated by Wanda's hesitation.

- I don't know. - She says. - I want to be with you.

- Are you ready to admit this to everyone?

Wanda closes her eyes for a moment, and you think she is going to deny it. But then she nods in agreement, and you feel a new surge of excitement hit you.

You let out a relieved laugh, and kiss Wanda's cheek, pulling her into a hug. She giggles against your grip. You then settle down, sitting side by side as you put an arm around her shoulders and she leans her head on your chest. Wanda intertwines your hands in her lap as you gaze out over the ocean in front of you.

- Do you really think Darcy and Elizabeth wouldn't be together? - she asks, and you laugh, not moving away.

- Actually, I just disagreed with you, because you're hot when you're mad. - You joked, making her laugh.

The night went by quickly after that. You and Wanda cuddled while talking about various random subjects. You watched the sunset together, and she kissed you hard before getting on the bus to her house.

#wanda maximoff x reader #wanda maximoff #high school au #marvel imagines #wanda maximoff x you #wanda x reader #wandaxreader

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worstloki · 3 years

Text

Top Forty Thor-Being-Thor Moments from Thor 1

just absolute dumb*ssery that this 7yr old kid’s life goal is to “hunt down the monsters and slay them all”. I’ll go easy on him here and let the Thor/Loki expressions do the talking because of “...just like you did Father” but seriously can his hands even fit around a sword handle??? this kid isn’t even punching the air right??? if there was a sword in his hand he would’ve cut his head with the way he’s moving???? pure tiny-himbo energy here just look at that >:o face he’s making. contrasts very nicely with Loki’s ‘,:|. 10/10. such a baby idiot.

“the jotuns must pay for what they have done! they broke into the weapons vault! if the frost giants had stolen even one of these relics!” thor. thor please. can you even name one of these relics. thor. hey thor. thor. shut up. “well, what would you do about this?” odin asks him. “march into jotunheim! like you once did! break their spirits! so they’ll never try anything like this again!” wow okay so we’ve fast-forwarded by like a thousand years and thor is still going on about genocide. huh. that’s funny, i thought loki was the genocidal one. hmm. i also just realized that the loki exclusive clip gives loki the same hairstyle thor has here so do what you will with that information.

0/10. horrible. terrible. i dont care how angy thor is about not getting to kill some jotuns or become king today this very instant, that is a tremendous waste of food. an absolute fool. how can he just remorselessly throw the bread to the floor. if loki stabbed him when he was 7 he would deserve it for this table flip alone. what a privileged white *ssh*le.

loki came skulking around a corner and suggested not to go to jotunheim and not only did thor not suspect anything but he also then went on to decide to go to jotunheim. 10/10 himbo material.

if tumblr didn’t have a picture limit i would put every instance of thor smiling in this list because look at that stupid smile. he’s such an idiot. 11/10. this is the thor content i’m here for.

“I have no plans to die today” thor says with the stupidest open-mouthed smirking smile ever captured on film. right after he also told heimdall not to tell anyone they’re gone. he’s literally planned to strand them on jotunheim. thor’s grand plan was to strange themselves on jotunheim and also start a fight. i repeat: thor’s plan was to successfully slay all the frost giants and not need to return until they’re all gone. what an absolute d*mb*ss. this is getting ridiculous. this was originally a top-ten-thor moments list but i’m not even twenty minutes in so i’ll have to extend the list. thor. thor are you listening? thor, you’re such an idiot.

“HOW DID YOUR PEOPLE GET INTO ASGARD?!” thor you sweet sweet summer idiot, please, i am beggin,g you,, learn to rea,d , a room,, literally everyone else who came with you is regretting it, there is complete silence and only the rumble of the opposing king is meeting your “I AM THOR, SON OF ODIN”s, please, please take some notes from Loki, or, you know, literally anyone else in the room, since everyone is asking you to get out of this realm while you still can,

thor’s stupid smile makes an appearance after he gets called a princess and decides to fight a whole realm over it. you know what? thor is a princess. he’s the prettiest princess in all the lands. what’s thor gonna do about it? is he going to fight me too? I hope he does the stupid grin first. minus 15 points for the sexism. thor is a complete and utter sadistic fool who needs to get a hobby. seriously, he’s 1500 years old and still going on and on about slaying all the frost giants. boi, i hate to break it to you, but your dad is not the best or only example of greatness out there. i don’t think your dad even qualifies as an example of that.

“THEN. GO!” 🥰 ahh yes, just thor thingz 🥰🥰 like when one friend has had his arm burnt 🥰 and another friend has been impaled and needs medical attention, 🥰🥰 and all the rest of your friends are yelling for you, 🥰 and your brother is telling you they must go, 🥰 and you decide to buy everyone time by laughing maniacally and killing more frosties because you care for them and dont find joy in destruction like a loon 🥰🥰🥰

THIS is the iconic Thor moment that makes my day whenever I think about it. Just Thor, an absolute bumbering 6′6′’ giant boodlusting dummy sees Odin and just decides to yell “FATHAA!! WE’LL FINISH THEM TOGETHAAA!” as if the last thing Odin told him wasn’t “no, thor, we’re not going to do anything to the frost giants, do not go after them and try to kill them all.” 11/10 d*mb*assery right here folks, I couldn’t ask for Thor to be more of a fool. This is PEAK Thor energy. Look at that face. I feel like Thor spends half this movie with his nostrils flared. I love it.

okay i gotta give thor credit for rightfully calling odin “an old man and a fool” but also there was not even 1 frame of the scene where Thor had a decent face so now all i see is >:O >:| >:o >:[ when i watch that scene. yelling at odin was great, not yelling at odin after he HUAERGHed at loki was less great, but to be fair it’s thor and he is the definition of Peak D*mb*ss.

thor literally GROWLS and starts yelling “HAMMAA?? HAMMER??” over and over. He was hit by a van, he fainted, he woke up and started growling. I don’t know what else there is to say about this.

“you dare threaten me? puny human?”. so. uhh. basically. Thor knew she was threatening him? He KNEW she had a weapon? instead he made a face and started yelling as he tried to walk his way closer????? thor you complete and utter dum dum. you frickin hairball-for-brains. im not even surprised darcy tasered him. with that kind of face, i’d taser him too.

when you wake up in an unknown place to a person smiling at you without a stupid smile, the first step is always to attack first and ask questions later 😌😌😌 (but seriously thor you imbecile why didn’t you ask where you were instead of throwing multiple people around the room and getting your butt needled. you clueless buffoon. you’ll remain a clueless buffoon if you don’t listen to anyone.)

just a quick recap but thor was knocked unconscious by a van and these people kidnapped him aboard and the next scene we see him in he’s checking himself out in mirror after presumably changing right there in the open?????? these are the things that make thor thor. any other character and i’d question it so much, but this is thor, and i truly believe this is in-character for him. just change in the open because why not? thor is a beefcake and that’s his only redeeming quality and he knows it. 10/10 thor moment.

I am now convinced that Thor saw Jane and “5k van-hitter to lover slow-burn height-difference himbo-scientist trope” flashed through his mind.

“but no more smashing!” Jane says, and then Thor proceeds to check her out and smile unlike an idiot and like a douche. was this his version of flirting???? i’m not one to decide, but yes, yes it was. He threw a cup to the ground and broke it, and she’s getting mad at him and berating him about it, and he’s liking it. y’all i’m sorry to break it to you like this, but thor has a canon fetish. i am so, so sorry.

im DYING. THAT ISN’T EVEN A KISS, HIS MOUTH IS OPEN. he SMUSHES his mouth around her knuckle???? WHY. I can’t keep noticing things like this. send help. please. Jane’s response makes so much more sense now; she’s laughs for a solid 3 seconds and shakes her head and is like “uhh, thank you? ahaha,” and then she keeps looking back longingly when walking away. they are doing this in PLAIN sight of EVERYONE. Darcy and Erik are standing RIGHT THERE, and Thor is doing weird things to her with his mouth. I’m out. I am done here. goodbye.

return of the stupid smile AND the douche smile in quick succession through the entire trip. their entire dialogue is peppered with innuendo. “I’ve never done anything like this before. have you ever done anything like this before?” “many times, but you are brave to do it.” “I have nothing else to lose.” “ah but you are clever, far more clever than anyone else on this realm.” “realm? rEaLm?” “you think me strange?” “yes” “good strange or bad strange?” “I haven’t decided yet.” I AM DYING OVER THIS. plus, we get Return Of The Himbo with Jane asking after Einstein Rosen bridges and Thor is like “uh, actually, more like a rainbow bridge 😜🤪” i feel so sorry for jane here, didn’t know how much of a d*mb*ss Thor was when signing up for this van-trip and knuckle-sucking 😭😭😭 i also no longer have questions about how the trip that SHOULD HAVE BEEN A HALF-HOUR ONE turned into one that LASTED TILL THE SUN WENT FROM THE MIDDLE OF THE SKY TO SETTING by the time they arrived. I have no questions. please. I don’t want to know what they were doing in that van. please no. don’t make me think about it.

thor’s plan had 3 steps and they were 1. give jane his jacket 2. walk in and get his hammer 3. fly out. that was literally his plan. he had the first “I have a plan. attack.” moment in the MCU. pure concentrated 0-brain-cells energy right here. how can you not stan this king of d*mb*ssery. look at him, flaunting his big boy muscles. he’s about get his hammer and fly out, like he just told jane with a trademark stupid-smile.

crop-top hair-mop thor is my favourite thor. the way the entire fight scene parallels a hamster in a maze only exemplifies the thor vibes for some inexplicable reason.

“you’re big. fought bigger.” + Thor douche-smile + subtext from earlier + rolling around passionately in the mud = not a happy me.

I swear i’m not making up this romantic subtext but it’s barely even subtext. the entire scene leading up to Thor’s attempt at lifting the hammer is actually filmed erotically. I’m not kidding. First there’s a shot where Thor pulls aside a hamster-cage-wall blind which mirrors a shower-curtain, and THEN he walks around the hammer while smiling douche-ly at it, we get a few close-ups to his face which are shot from angles slightly lower than himself, giving him an aire of superiority, plus the music adds to this, he reaches out for the hammer’s handle with a mud-covered arm in the rain, in non-slow-motion slow-motion, and he wraps his arm around it, like, he fully twists his arm, unecessarily sexually, around it as he grabs the hammer. This is not okay. On the plus side, it makes the movie much more entertaining,, on the down side,,.

im not going to call Thor dumb for not knowing he’s not worthy. im not going to. because odin literally whispered the enchantment to mjolnir after he’d thrown thor to midgard. it is very funny watching thor grunt in frustration though. he starts yelling because he couldn’t lift the hammer and just lets himself get caught. like, dude, get a life, go buy a new weapon from the store, seriously. he mourns for the hammer on-screen longer than he does for loki. he also looks like he’s in far more pain here. he becomes catatonic and unresponsive after this, but when loki dies he’s already feasting the same afternoon. 10/10 dum dum thor material. never change thor, never change. (that’s code for please change, thor, please,)

thor trying to establish dominance wherever he goes is the funniest thing because at this point he’s being a complete asgardian *ss about it and it’s reaching points of pettiness never seen before. side note: he is possibly flirting with selvig too. maybe. i’m not saying anything happened, but Thor’s openning lines when bringing him home carried over his shoulder are “he’s fine, not injured at all,” followed with an apology to selvig, and an explanation to jane which consisted only of “we drank, we fought, he made his ancestors proud,” and then he puts the man to bed and before he falls asleep erik says “i still don’t believe you’re the g*d of th*nder, but you ought to be,” so... your choice, i guess...

thor’s got his trademark stupid smile and stupidly takes jane’s life’s work notebook and starts doodling in it about trees. the last time his father told him this story about Yggdrasil was when he was 5 and he clearly hasn’t payed attention to any lesson about anything since and it shows so so much. thank you thor. very insightful knowledge you’re passing on hear. ‘i come from a world where [science and magic] are one and the same,’ ok great, now elaborate on that please. oh, right, you can’t because you’re thor, my bad, 20/10 thor behaviour. he couldn’t even doodle nicely. all his lines are wobbly. epic art fail. i wouldn’t trust him near my sketchbook with a 2B pencil.

THIS is thor’s realization face. in case anyone was interested in what ‘dawning truth’ looked like on him. 😰😪 THIS is the face of a thinker, of a man betrayed by his own beloved brother for unprecedented reasons. look at the nuance in his expression. 😩😩😩 so many emotions, I can’t even count them all 😩💯😪

stupid smile and “do not worry my friends, i have a plan,” he says, “i’ll just try and abuse the fact that Loki’s super selfless and kind and has no self worth to my benefit as i have countless times before which is exactly what he’s rightfully angry about this time,” he doesn’t think to himself because that is NOT the smile of someone who is thinking... like, at all. +10000 points to gryffinthor. the d*mb*ssery really jumps out.

“im sorry bro for whatever i did and whatever you’re blaming me for as an excuse to do this, im sorry bro, but you’re disturbing innocents that i don’t really care about but you’re the one making a scene in front of them so why don’t you admit you won’t kill me and are just having a temper tantrum and we move on? hmm?” and then he proceeds to get slam dunked in the face with a metal arm like yEAAAA BOI that’s what you GET for going up against the SENTIENT LAVA-SPEWING metal-man ya absolute dunderhead clod. thunderhead clod? yeah, that. he’s just so dumb, your honour, please, you must understand, the victim pleads guilty on all charges of d*mb*ss and d*mb*ss alone.

I can NOT describe the emotions I feel knowing that Thor is suck-kissing Jane’s knuckles. Like, his mouth is literally jelly-ing it up against her hand. There is suction there and it shows when he is placing and removing his mouth. I promise that’s what is happening. I’m not any happier than you about this. I regret everything. This is why Loki should be what is focused on and not Thor; Thor’s going around trying to frick frack everything in sight even if it’s just Jane’s hand. He’s maintaining eye contact with Jane while he licks her fingers. Why did I decide to rewatch this movie.

i’m only adding this in as a thor moment because of how desperately and badly they kiss. seriously. 2/10 kiss. im not surprised jane broke up with him. they look like two actual seals fighting over an actual grape. while i’m here i’m going to criticize every fic ever that decided thor is an experienced gentle lover. what were y’all on when watching this movie. thor can and will f*ck literally everything in sight and he won’t even do it well because he is the peakest of peak d*m d*m. look at this man. look at his face. that is the face of an absolute himbo idiot, and it’s the face of an absolute himbo idiot who knows it. he’s been stranded on earth for 2 days, max, and his flirt-count is at 69 people because his name is one letter away from thot. i bet his terrible use of a pen from early means he writes his ‘r’s like ‘t’s and he doesn’t even care. 1000/10 thor moment. doesn’t get much more romance-thor than two individuals smooshing their faces together after some finger sucking. that finger sucking is gonna leave jane simping for years. and that’s true love babey. <3

“I’ll handle my Brother!” Thor says, as if Loki didn’t send a metal-murder-bot that quite virtually killed him less than ten minutes ago asdfhkhsdgsdjf Thor, you horrific himbo you, Loki’s weapon of choice is literally throwing knives he will literally kill you before you enter the room if he’s on his game and wants you dead which he just proved he would do and you’re just gonna???????????? jog on over to him????? Thor??????????? bruH???????????? buddy??????? pal???????? you really wanna go 1v1 the brother you very clearly underestimate and know nothing about????????????????? im loving the confidence, but, no.

Loki: “you literally can’t stop this from here.” Thor, immediately: “i’m going to hit it with the hammer and see if that works” and then it does in fact work later... technically speaking, even if it ends up causing chaos destruction and death and loki falling off the bifrost 😔😔😔 but Big Brain Thor is the Biggest Brained Thor!!! The plan worked!! in a messy-Thor-ish way, but it did!!!

“you can’t kill an entire race!!!!” Thor yells, teeth gritted, as he faces his brother, his coward pacifist brother, who has suddenly decided he wants to join the age-old family tradition of realm-destroying, when this is supposed to be Thor’s dream, Thor’s, not Loki’s. How dare he, Thor thinks to himself, fist clenched around Mjolnir in anger, the pain of the handle pressing against his palm perhaps the only thing preventing him from lashing out at this thought, that’s my planet of monsters to slay, he should go get his own! Loki hits Thor across the face with the back-end of his spear. “Now fight me,” Loki says, but Thor, well, Thor cannot fight, as he remains stunned that of all things Loki would dare steal his life’s ambition, and he is sent sprawling backwards across the observatory, slowly but surely sliding to a stop despite his catatonic, very symbolic silence.

the elegance, the poise, i see your time on earth has made you no less graceful, Thor. the simple magnitude of this sprawl. the spread of the arms. the turn of the feet. this is not a dude, this is a man.

sometimes your brother starts vehemently talking about he’s gonna kill the race of monsters and about how he’s only ever wanted to be your equal and about how he’s not your brother and never was and sometimes you just have to say “this is madness” instead of addressing the issues or asking for any of the deets 🔥 👊💯😩

Loki is whipping Thor’s butt. Both literally, and metaphorically, Loki is whooping Thor’s d*mb*ss. Earlier he knicked Thor’s face, now he’s just pushing Thor around, he uses the spear as a pole and later kicks Thor’s face by kicking vertically up, and Thor, bless him in all his blond golden muscled glory, doesn’t think anything is up with this, gosh he’s such an absolute utter idiot

sometimes your brother laughs way too much and also cries too much in a fight and there are also too many of him so you just need to blast lightning so you get a shot at all of them 😌😌😌 and then put your magical infinitely-heavy hammer on his chest 😌😌😌 but it’s okay because Thor left holes in Loki’s container 😌😌😌

now THIS is the meat to Thor’s funny bone, just the pure unadulterated humour that is Thor saying that there will never be a “wiser king” or a “better father” than Odin, it cracks me up every single time without fail, just the way he says it with a straight face and— what do you mean he wasn’t joking

look at Thor’s stupid smile as he asks Heimdall to spy on jane every single day while conveniently never asking after Loki ever. This is Thor’s face in mourning after he attended a feast after everyone was celebrating after Loki’s death. Look at his stupid smile. I love him your honour. He’s just,, he’s just so frickin stewpeed, just Thor being Thor, just the purest of d*mbest of *sses.

#listen #if people can interpret loki and the grandmaster as a thing when loki spends the entire time looking uncomfortable about every situation #then i can interpret thor as flirting with people when there are actual canon questions which get solved when other explanations dont work #so #dont mind me here #in conclusion: thor is a dum dum idiot and it's *chef's kiss*#thank you for coming to my ted talk #ThisPostIsLongerThanMyLifeSpan #TPILTMLS #Language!#language #im one of those people who comments on things through movies but you can't be mad because it's worth it and i've got points #obviously writing means i can get the full gist of the comments out without summarizing #but #like #my family is simply underappreciative and i'm a genius

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