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#janus sna
hydra-collector · 4 years
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YOU CANT LISTEN TO JANUS SING RAZZLE DAZZLE AND STILL SAY LOGAN IS THE HOTTEST SIDE
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pronounsrus · 2 years
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Could you do pronouns around sn*kes? (a) We’ve got a Janus Sanders fictive and they want some neos!
Yeah!! sn-kes are cool ^^
(a)
Albino/Snake/Albino snakes/Albino snake's/Albino snakeself
Bas/Basilisk/Basilisks/Basilisk's/Basiliskself
Bo/Boa/Boas/Boa's/Boaself
Boa/Constrictor/Boa constrictors/Boa constrictor's/Boa contrictorself
Brow/Brown/Browns/Brown's/Brownself
Brown/Snake/Brown snakes/Brown snake's/Brown snakeself
Black/Mamba/Black mambas/Black mamba's/Black mambaself
Cobe/Cobra/Cobras/Cobra's/Cobraself
Coil/Coil/Coils/Coil's/Coilself
Copper/Head/Copperheads/Copperhead's/Copperheadself
Corn/Snake/Corn snakes/Corn snake's/Corn snakeself
Coral/Snake/Coral snakes/Coral snake's/Coral snakeself
Fan/Fang/Fangs/Fang's/Fangself
Garter/Snake/Garter snakes/Garter snake's/Garter snakeself
Gre/Green/Greens/Green's/Greenself
Green/Snake/Green snakes/Green snake's/Green snakeself
Hiss/Hiss/Hisses/Hiss's/Hisself
King/Cobra/King cobras/King cobra's/King cobraself
King/Snake/King snakes/King snake's/King snakeself
Milk/Snake/Milk snakes/Milk snake's/Milk snakeself
Mam/Mamba/Mambas/Mamba's/Mambaself
Pyth/Python/Pythons/Python's/Pythonself
Pit/Viper/Pit vipers/Pit viper's/Pit viperself
Rat/Rattle/Rattles/Rattle's/Rattleself
Rattle/Snake/Rattlesnakes/Rattlesnake's/Rattlesnakeself
Ribbon/Snake/Ribbonsnakes/Ribbonsnake's/Ribbonsnakeself
Sna/Snake/Snakes/Snake's/Snakeself
Snake/Eye/Snake eyes/Snake eye's/Snake eyeself
Ser/Serpent/Serpents/Sepent's/Serpentself
Slith/Slither/Slithers/Slither's/Slitherself
Shed/Shed/Sheds/Shed's/Shedself
Sca/Scale/Scales/Scale's/Scaleself
Vip/Viper/Vipers/Viper's/Viperself
Ven/Venom/Venoms/Venom's/Venomself
Water/Snake/Water snakes/Water snake's/Water snakeself
Yell/Yellow/Yellows/Yellow's/Yellowself
Yellow/Snake/Yellow snakes/Yellow snake's/Yellow snakeself
🐍/🐍/🐍s/🐍's/🐍self
⚕️/⚕️/⚕️s/⚕️'s/⚕️self
⚕/⚕/⚕s/⚕'s/⚕self
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Peto poglavlje moje priče ,,Dreams are not enough" 👇
Chapter 5.
Hladnoća me prožela kada sam se probudila. Sve je bilo mračno. Mogla sam čuti blage kapljice kiše koje su se slijevale niz prozor. I predenje.
Bila sam u svojoj sobi.
Ležala sam na krevetu, s rukama sklopljenim na svojim grudima. Podigla sam pogled. Jan i moja mačka su sjedili jedno pored drugog na kraju kreveta. Oboje su bili uzbuđeni jer me vide budnu. Ali ja nisam imala pojma zašto sam spavala i zašto sam ovdje. I kao najvažnije, zašto je Jan ovdje, na mom krevetu?
,,Dobro jutro, ljepotice.“ Rekao je s blagim osmijehom.
,,Jutro?“ Ošamućeno sam upitala.
,,Sada je pola sedam navečer.“
,,Dakle, sve je bio san.“ Zaključila sam.
,,Što?“ Upitao je.
,,Bila sam u šumi Epping. I ti si bio sa mnom. Grmjelo je i sijevalo. Negdje sam se okliznula i pala, pa me netko doveo u moju sobu.“
Nasmiješio se. ,,Lude snove sanjaš. Ali eto, drago mi je što sam se pojavio u tvom snu.“
Nadala sam se da će me poljubiti, ali njegove ledene usne su dodirnule moje tjeme. Unatoč njegovoj hladnoći sam osjećala toplinu koja mi je strujala cijelim tijelom. Nikada mi srce nije ovako brzo tuklo. Pa ni u najgoroj noćnoj mori.
Sjedila sam na svom mjestu pored prazne stolice na kojoj inače sjedi Elspeth. Ali danas neće sjesti na to mjesto. Obavile smo sinoć telefonski poziv gdje sam joj objasnila kako se više ne želim družiti s njom. Naglasila sam pri tome kako se ne ljutim na nju, već jednostavno želim biti sama. Nije se suprostavljala mojoj ideji. Očito je i ona htjela isto.
Također sam prikupila hrabrost i pitala Liama Scattergooda može li mi davati instrukcije iz fizike i pristao je. Nije bio neki popularan maneken od dva metra koji sa šest djevojaka šeta u školu, već običan štreber lijepog izgleda, koji je bio izoliran od društva. Vjerovala sam kako ćemo se dobro slagati.
Kiša je padala cijelu noć i zbog toga nisam mogla spavati. Ležala sam otkrivena u svom krevetu odjevena u čipkasto donje rublje. Svi prozori su mi bili otvoreni i drhtala sam od hladnoće, ali voljela sam hladnoću.
Preokrenula sam se i uzdahnula. Crna kosa mi je stizala do trbuha. Nisam uopće znala da je već ovako duga. Jako brzo raste i sve je ljepša i sjajnija. Osjećala sam potrebu za povraćanjem, pa sam otišla u kupaonicu i tu se zadržala neko vrijeme. Grudi su mi malo narasle. Dok sam bila manja, bila sam ravna kao daska i uvijek sam patila zbog toga. Bilo je mnogo toga što sam željela promijeniti na svom tijelu. Najgore mi je bilo uspoređivati se s drugim djevojkama koje su ljepše, zgodnije i visočije od mene, koje imaju sve što prosječna djevojka treba imati. Ali ja očito nisam prosječna. Uostalom imam ovaj čudni crni crtež na rebrima kojeg se užasavam. Već nekoliko noći je prisutan. Lopta iz koje vise peruške. Nekada je bila tamna i izgledala je kao tetovaža, a nekada je bila blijeda i jedva uočljiva. Nisam to još nikome pokazala. Zaista sam počela vjerovati da sam luda. Da mi se stvari pričinjavaju. Prvo sjene, sada ova tetovaža. Možda je i Jan samo proizvod moje psihičke nestabilnosti. Ali ne bi bilo moguće, jer ga je i Elspeth vidjela.
Vratila sam se u krevet, ali i dalje nisam mogla zaspati. Razmišljala sam o svakoj mogućoj stvari u svom životu. Voljela bih da netko jednog dana zakorači u moj život i zauvijek ga promijeni. Imati nekoga tko me voli takvu kakva jesam... to se činilo poput sna kojeg nikada neću sanjati.
Nisam znala što trebam učiniti. Janu sam obećala da ću s njim izaći u kino, a Liamu nisam ništa obećala, ali zato je on obećao meni pokazati zadatke iz fizike koji mi trebaju, jer je već sljedeći tjedan test. Trebala bih se potruditi barem proći četvorkom ove godine, a Liam bi mi mogao pomoći jer je on ipak štreber.
Uzdahnula sam i ugasila televizor. Nasula sam Nebuli mačje hrane u zdjelicu kako bi prestala hodati za mnom, a ja sam izašla vani i zaključala kuću. Bilo je pola dva poslijepodne i sunca nije bilo nigdje na vidiku. Zrak je imao miris kiše i samo sam nju mogla osjetiti, iako nije padala. Nisam sigurna kada je uopće prestala. Zaspala sam negdje oko deset ujutro. Užasno sam umorna, jer apsolutno cijelu noć nisam oka sklopila. U kući ne mogu spavati jer će mi Nebula dosađivati tako što će se penjati na mene, a ako zatvorim vrata, mijaukat će ispred njih.
Bilo je jako mirno danas. Kod svih susjeda su vrata bila zatvorena i ništa se nije čulo. Nije bilo auta ili dosadnih biciklista koji se idu provozati kroz šumu Epping. Prošetala sam do nje. Mogla sam vidjeti kako ptičice napuštaju svoja gnijezda i lete prema jugu.
Zakoračila sam u šumu i sjela ispred drveta iza kojeg sam se bila sakrila od Jana. Gledala sam u vedro nebo kako se mijenja. Nebo je za vrijeme jeseni bilo najljepše. Bilo je tamnoplave boje sa trunkom bijelog. Sivi oblaci su se pomjerali vrlo brzo. Očito danas neće biti nevremena.
Dok sam zurila u nebo, zadrijemala sam i zaspala. Sanjala sam Jana i mene na nekoj livadi, a oko nas je bilo bijelo cvijeće. Iz sna su me probudili glasovi, toliko glasni da su mi san i sjećanje na njega razderali u milijune komada.
Mogla sam opsovati. Neki ljudi su sjedili u krugu i pjevali pjesme za kampovanje nedaleko od mene. Krasno. Mogla sam spavati još. Ali kada sam bacila pogled na svoj ručni sat, zahvatila me panika. Bilo je pola šest. Ubrzo bih trebala otići Liamu kako bi me naučio raditi zadatke iz fizike. Ali i sastanak s Janom bi se trebao ubrzo odviti. Samo što ne znam ni kada trebam doći.
Ustala sam i uputila se do Liamove kuće, ali grižnja savjest me nije puštala na miru.
Zahvaljujući Liamu sam dobila četvorku iz testa iz fizike, a upravo to mi je trebalo. Elspeth sam rijetko viđala u zadnje vrijeme. Na nekim satima je prisustvovala, na nekim nije. Danas je nije bilo.
Vratila sam se u učionicu na povijest koju je sada predavao neki dečko koji fakultet još nije ni završio. Kako sam čula, radi privremeno, dok se ne nađe optimalna zamjena.
Unatoč tome što sam bila ljuta na nju, stalno sam razmišljala o Elspeth. Pitala sam se što radi i zbog čega je nema. Odlučila sam ju posjetiti.
Pozvonila sam. Jedanput. Dvaput. Poslije trećeg puta sam čula nečije korake niz stubište. Njezina mama Joanna je otvorila vrata, mišićava i muškobanjasta kao i uvijek. Iz daljine teško možeš procijeniti je li muško ili žensko zbog tamnosmeđe muške frizurice.
,,Što ti radiš ovdje?“ Upitala je ljutito.
,,Došla sam vidjeti Elspeth. Smijem li ući?“ Napravila sam korak unaprijed, a ona je raskolačila oči. Vratila sam nogu tamo gdje je bila i vidjela njezine raskolačene sivkaste oči.
,,Ne.“ Odgovorila je bijesno. ,,Elspeth miruje gore u sobi. Nije joj dobro. Ne želi nikakvo društvo.“
Zatim se vratila u kuću i zaključala ulazna vrata.
Odlučila sam otići kući. Bilo mi je hladno i tresla sam se. Uputila sam se niz ulicu. Nije bilo nijednog auta. Prolazila sam pored napuštenih kuća i pitala se gdje su ljudi koji su tu nekoć živjeli. Svašta mi se počelo pričinjati.
Vratila sam se kući dok mi je ponestajao dah. Uspela se uz stubište i pala ravno u svoj krevet. Jedva sam disala.
Eva mi je odmah ušla u sobu.
,,Ewelina? Jesi li dobro?“
,,Izgledam li možda dobro?“ Odbrusila sam.
,,Što se dogodilo?“ Sjela je na krevet i maramicom mi obrisala znoj s lica. Užasno sam se znojila i mrzila sam se zbog toga. Kada je završila s tim, svezala mi je kosu u rep.
Zatvorila sam oči i odmahnula glavom. ,,Samo mi je pozlilo, to je sve.“
Ustala sam s kreveta i pogledala kroz prozor. Ugledala sam Jana kako hoda našom ulicom. Crna kosa mu je bila nešto kraća, a dugačke šiške su mu slabo padale preko lijevog oka. Ruke su mu bile strpane u đžepove svog crnog kaputa i zurio je u tlo pod sobom zamišljenim pogledom.
,,Jan!“ Viknula sam sa smiješkom i mahnula mu.
Zastao je i pogledao u mene. Zatim je odvratio mrzovoljni pogled i nastavio hodati.
Sada sam se zaista osjećala užasno. Istrčala sam iz kuće, misleći da je već nestao, ali bio je još uvijek blizu.
,,Jan.“ Govorila sam, pokušavajući ga stići. ,,Jan, stani, molim te. Trebamo razgovarati.“ Uspjela sam ga uhvatiti za ruku i on je zastao.
,,Zašto?“ Rekao je iznervirano. ,,Da mi opet nešto slažeš i ostaviš me na cjedilu?“
,,Htjela sam doći.“
,,Zašto onda nisi?“
Progutala sam knedlu i prekrižila ruke na prsima. Ne mogu mu reći da sam bila sa Liamom. Ne bi nikada povjerovao da mi je davao instrukcije.
,,Jer si bezobrazna.“ Rekao je umjesto mene.
,,Ja....“ Dodirnula sam njegovu ruku, ali on se odmaknuo.
,,Zašto mi jednostavno nisi odmah rekla kako ne želiš biti sa mnom?“
,,Želim biti s tobom.“ Rekla sam, iako nisam bila sigurna je li to istina.
,,Čekao sam te, a ti nisi došla.“
,,Imala sam problema, nisam mogla doći...“
Odvratio je pogled. ,,Gle, Ewelina. Zaboravimo ovo.“
Okrenuo se i uputio niz ulicu, sve dok ga magla nije progutala. Dok sam gledala u maglu koja je preostala, osjećala sam kako je dio mene nestao. Moja prva i ujedno posljednja ljubav je prestala prije nego što je počela.
Cijeli sam dan provela u krevetu. Nisam mogla učiti. Nisam htjela odgovarati na Liamove poruke i pozive. On će sve samo još više pogoršati. Svaki put kada ga vidim, sjetit ću se Jana, jer sam zbog njega odbila Jana.
Dugo sam vremena u mračnoći svoje hladne sobe sjedila za pisaćim stolom, smišljajući što napisati na listu. Mogla sam ubaciti stotinjak riječi, ali nijedna ne bi dala pravedno objašnjenje. Jednostavno sam velikim slovima napisala: Verzeih mir. Oprosti mi. To je bilo jedino što sam ga mogla zamoliti.
Uputila sam se u šumu Epping i zalijepila list na drvo.
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dailypronouns · 4 years
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Any pronpuns for Janus from Sanders sides? -Janus
lie/lier/liers/liers/lierself
de/deceit/deceits/deceits/deceitself
hi/hide/hidden/hiddens/hideself
fa/fake/fakes/fakes/fakeself
di/dis/disguise/disguises/disguiseself
hi/hiss/hiss'/hiss'/hissself
sli/slith/slither/slithers/slitherself
sna/snake/snakes/snakes/snakeself
sca/scale/scaley/scaley's/scaleyself
sli/slime/slimey/slimey's/slimeyself
de/devi/devious/devious'/deviself
se/self/care/cares/careself
pro/prot/protect/protects/protectself
ja/jaz/jazz'/jazz'/jazzself
🐍/🐍s/🐍s/🐍s/🐍self
💛/💛s/💛s/💛s/💛self
🖤/💛s/🖤s/🖤s/💛self
🖤/🖤s/🖤s/🖤s/🖤self
🎩/🎩s/🎩s/🎩s/🎩self
🤫/🤫s/🤫s/🤫s/🤫self
🚫/🚫s/🚫s/🚫s/🚫self
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ladyseaheart1668 · 5 years
Text
Endless Summer Book 4 : Daughter of Vaanu (Chapter 38)
Description: Estela and Aleister return to Northbridge to identify their father’s body and make an unsettling discovery.
Content Warning: Talk of suicide this chapter.
Tagging: @endlesshero1122 @xo-endlessmayhem-xo @mysteli @whatmcsaid @feartheendlesssummer @tigerbryn11
Chapter 38: Right Hand
Alodia
I can't believe it.
That seems to be the general sentiment on the morning of my twenty-eighth birthday, as the news filters through our ranks. Everett Rourke is dead. They found him hanging in his room. They're calling it an “apparent suicide,” which I suppose makes sense. Now Estela and Aleister have to return to Northbridge to identify the body within 48 hours.
“...I don't believe it,” Estela growls. I look up from the glass of orange juice I'm nursing. Estela is seated across from me at the kitchen table. Her chair is pushed out a good distance from the table, and her lithe back is flat, even as she rests her chin on her fist on top of the smooth mahogany table. She glares down at the table, eyes narrow as if the fate of the world hinges on her memorizing every detail of the grain.
“I don't either,” Lila murmurs, staring out the window. “It doesn't make sense. Not now. Not now that he had hope. Not now that he believed he had the chance to...reclaim what he'd lost.”
“...Do you think he could really do it?” Quinn asks. “Restart Project Janus?”
“Not if he's dead,” Lila replies flatly. “He can't really do anything if he's dead.”
“There are ways of faking one's death,” Estela says.
“But to fake a suicide by hanging?” Grace ventures gently. “How exactly would he pull that off?”
“I don't know,” Estela admits. “But I can't put anything past him. Lila is right. It doesn't make sense that he would decide to kill himself now. Not when his white whale is back where he could potentially reach her.” She looks at me as she says this, and I snort slightly as I lift my juice off the table.
“You know, in my present condition, I could take that as an insult,” I quip without any genuine mirth.
“Suicide doesn't always make sense,” Aleister murmurs. He sighs heavily. “In any case, I requested an autopsy, so if Father is faking his death somehow, I'm sure they will figure it out soon enough. ...Or they'll kill him in an effort to determine what killed him.”
Over his shoulder, I see Jake appear in the kitchen entryway. He steps inside to lean against the wall, hands in his pockets.
“Bags are all loaded in the car, and there's a plane fueled and ready for us on the tarmac at SNA. Should be about a five-hour flight. Maybe less.”
“You're taking my car and Quinn's?” I ask. The morning has been so confused and harried that I'm not sure I have the plans straight in my head.
“Right. Raj and Lila'll drive Quinn's car back to Northbridge, and Mike and I'll drive yours back here when we get back to California tomorrow morning. ...You'll be okay overnight, right?”
“I'll be fine. Not like I'll be alone.”
“Yeah, I know. But you know I worry.”
“Varyyn and I will look after her,” Diego promises. I roll my eyes.
“Jeez, you'd think I was a baby instead of pregnant with one.”
“Z and I can stick around until you guys get back, too,” Craig offers.
“That really isn't necessary,” I assure him.
“Do you want us to stick around?” Zahra asks pointedly, sipping on her coffee.
“Of course I do.”
“Well then, we're staying. You got sweet digs here, Alodia. Of course we're gonna jump at the chance to hang around here awhile longer.”
“Well, I suppose I can't argue with that logic.”
“We ought to get going, then,” Jake sighs. “California traffic. It's gonna be shit even on New Year's Day. Where are Sean and Michelle?”
“Right here,” Sean says, coming up behind him.
“Oh, you guys are going with them?” I try not to sound too disappointed.
“We had to leave today anyway,” Michelle says apologetically. “I have to get back to work.”
“Yeah, me too,” Sean adds. “As long as the opportunity is here, might as well avoid going through security.”
I sigh, standing up slowly. “Okay, but everyone who's leaving needs to hug me right now, or you're not allowed out the door.”
Goodbyes obviously take awhile. It's lucky the plane won't leave without them. But, eventually, Diego manages to pry me off our friends and guide me back to the kitchen table. I sit down reluctantly. The weight of their absence makes the house feel very suddenly larger and emptier, like mild air that suddenly feels uncomfortably cold when you've been covered by a blanket. I sigh.
“I suppose I should start cleaning up,” I murmur.
“You mean Varyyn and I should start cleaning up,” Diego corrects me. I roll my eyes.
“Goddsake, Diego, I'm pregnant. Not an invalid.”
“Do you honestly feel up to bending down and picking up and carrying dishes and trash back and forth?”
“Well...honestly, no.”
“There you go.” Diego wraps his arms around me from the side and kisses my cheek. “Finish your breakfast, Allie. We'll clean up.”
“Let me help,” Craig says, pushing out his chair and standing up. Without waiting for a reply, he follows Diego and Varryn toward the front room, leaving me alone in the kitchen with Zahra. For a long moment, she sits absolutely still, long enough that I start to feel a little weirded out. But before I can ask her whether everything's okay, she brings her coffee mug to her lips and tips her head back to down the rest in two big gulps before bringing her hand down with a satisfied exhale.
“I needed that,” she grunts under her breath. Abruptly, she looks up and meets my eyes. “Alodia, we should move somewhere private. There's something I have to tell you.”
I immediately feel my stomach knotting with dread. “That...sounds serious.”
“It is serious. I don't know if it's bad, but it is serious. I brought you something.” I am not sure what her words up to this point have led me to expect, but I do know that I never could have predicted the next words out of her mouth. “...It's about your mom.”
* * *
I remember going to the pediatrician as a kid and poking through the plastic milkcrate full of toys in an attempt to distract myself from my anxiety. I have a clear memory of a thousand-piece jigsaw puzzle that stayed in that milkcrate until my last pediatric visit. I always tried to put it together before the receptionist called my name. Of course, I never succeeded. There was never enough time, someone had always taken it apart and cleaned it up by the time I left, and I'm pretty sure some of the pieces had gone missing over the years anyway.
I can still picture the beautiful image printed on the box: shimmering zodiac signs, accompanied by exquisitely drawn animals, people, and objects to represent them, all splayed out on a starscape backdrop. I can still remember kneeling on the worn carpet in the waiting room, pawing through the pile of cardboard pieces and slowly watching the image form in front of me as I pressed each piece into place. I remember the frustration and sense of loss as I was guided back into the exam room with the puzzle never more than half-completed, with partially assembled chunks missing connecting pieces.
Sitting in my room, looking at the information Zahra has presented me on my mother, I feel like I am looking at that half-completed puzzle. Except this time, there isn't a box cover with a complete image to guide me. I have to admit, I have no idea what to make of all of this. Everything that Zahra knows—and Grace, Aleister, Estela, and Craig, apparently—about the woman who gave birth to me is laid out in front of me, and I don't know what to make of any of it. Perhaps what baffles me the most is that the digital image of me, supposedly painted while I was in utero, doesn't baffle me more. It's actually less of a concern to me than the rest of it.
“So...she was studying something to do with time travel?”
“That's what it looks like. What exactly she was trying to do, I can't tell yet. But I'll keep looking into it if you want me to.”
“Yeah...I mean...if you have the time, it might be important to know some of this stuff...”
Zahra frowns thoughtfully at me. “...Your aunt didn't talk about your mom much, did she?”
“No,” I admit. “Not really. I mean, she came up ocassionally. So did my father. Or...at least...the man Vaanu was pretending to be came up sometimes. But I really only got either of them in bits and pieces ...I don't know if Aunt Molly ever really dealt with her grief. She would start to tell stories, and sometimes she got a decent ways into them, but at some point, she always just stopped herself and shut down.”
“Did you even know your mom's maiden name? I mean, did it ever occur to you that she had the same maiden name as the Vaanti Bride? Even just as a coincidence?”
“Officially, when we met Flora Sullivan, I had never had a human mother, remember? Technically, that was before I was retconned into existence. And once I was retconned into existence, any knowledge of my mom and aunt's maiden name was filed in the same memory bank as the fact that I wasn't born on U.S. soil. …Reading it right now was the first time I realized that I had known it all along.”
“Goddamn, your existence is crazy sometimes.”
“You're preaching to the choir,” I sigh ruefully. “...Thank you for showing this to me. I think I should try to ask Aunt Molly for more details on my mom. ...I won't show her the picture, though. Not unless I mean to tell her everything.”
Zahra frowns. “...Is she someone you could trust not to have you committed if you tell her you can remember an alternate timeline where you didn't exist?”
“To be perfectly honest...I don't know. Which is why I'm not going to tell her yet. Maybe not ever. ...But I do want to hear what else she has to say about my mom. If anything.”
“I gotta say, you're taking all this in stride.”
I shrug. “Well, some of it does concern me a little. But my mother did marry an alien. An alien who knew he was going to father a child who would grow up to be me. I don't know if he actually loved my mother, or if there was another reason he picked her. But it would kinda surprise me if there wasn't something special about her. Like being a descendant of Flora Sullivan. Or at least a descendant of one of her relatives.” I sigh. “...Honestly...if I could only have one question about my parents answered for me, it would be whether my father actually loved my mother. ...But right now, any answer I got would probably be overshadowed by the fact that I just heard Everett Rourke is dead.”
“Right. That bombshell.”
I look up and meet her eyes. “...Do you believe it? Do you believe he's really gone?”
“No way in hell.” The complete lack of hesitation startles me.
“So you don't believe it?”
“Not for a second. Not until I see the body with my own eyes. And possibly not even then.”
“Why not?”
Zahra leans back on the unmade bed, propping herself up on the pillows and draping her arms over the headboard behind her. She locks eyes with me, her gaze penetrating.
“You remember when I faked my death on the island?”
“And scared the crap out of everyone? I remember.”
“You remember why I said I did it?”
“...Because they couldn't kill you if they thought you were already dead.” An icy knot is settling in the pit of my stomach. River must sense my anxiety, because she's doing somersaults in my womb. Zahra nods grimly.
“It's not that complicated a concept. If Rourke means to try some shit, it'll be a lot easier if he's free. Since he was given a life sentence with no possibility of parole, the only way to escape is to be dead. There won't be a manhunt for a man everyone believes is dead.”
“Maybe, but...even if the concept is simple, the execution wouldn't be. He wasn't blown up or anything. They found him hanging. How could he fake that? Especially alone?”
“I don't trust that he was acting alone.”
“Even so, he couldn't just build a dummy corpse, hang it, and expect it to fool anyone. They'd figure it out well before autopsy.”
Zahra's eyes narrow just slightly. “...Who're you trying to convince here, Alodia? Me or yourself? ...'Cause I don't think you believe it, either.”
“Do I believe my very own Captain Ahab has taken himself out of the picture? Of course not. Sure, my head is telling me there's no way he could fake his own death by hanging. There's no way he could set up a body that would pass inspection, not with autopsies and identification and dental records and DNA tests. ...But my gut is screaming at me that he's not gone. He's not gone, but the world is going to believe he is, and he's going to come for me. He's going to come for me and my baby...”
I'm starting to panic. I know I am. But I can't quite fight it off until Zahra springs off the pillows and alights at my side to put a hand on my shoulder.
“Hey, hey. It's okay. No one's gonna let him get anywhere near you. You know that, right?”
“Of course I know. I also know that the twelve of us have faced him and Arachnid before, and we did it when the whole world was dead and we didn't have any backup. But it's really hard not to feel a lot more vulnerable now that I don't have my link to the Endless and the Island's Heart and while I do have a helpless little person inside me. Even just physically, I am way more vulnerable than I was on the Island.”
“Are you though?”
“...What do you mean?”
“The Endless said that the powers passed on by the Prism Crystal are your birthright, too. That you might have powers that haven't manifested yet. Unless you destroyed them, you also have the Andromeda idol, the Endless' spacesuit, and the Andromeda armor.” She pauses, frowning. “You do still have them, right?”
“Yeah. They're in a trunk in the poolhouse.”
“Okay. So the odds seem pretty strong to me that you aren't actually powerless.”
Anything I might have responded with is cut off with a gasp as River gives me a particularly sharp kick.
“God Almighty, this child is fiesty!”
“Takes after her parents,” Zahra quips. “Good.”
“I hope that if I do have some untapped superpowers, they're enough to keep this kid from kicking through my uterus.” I lie down on the bed, stroking my belly. “Come on, sweetheart. Calm down for Ma-mama...” My words abruptly dissolve into a yawn. Now that I'm lying down, the exhausted fog that has hovered over my head since I got up is seeping fully into my brain. I feel like my memory-foam mattress is ready to swallow me whole. I hear Zahra snort.
“Falling asleep on me, Chandler? Not cool.”
“Oh, lay off. I'm too pregnant to function on less than five hours of sleep, and coffee isn't an option.”
“Eugh. Okay, fair enough. I'll let your caffeine-deprived ass rest then. I'll just go see if the guys need any help cleaning up.”
I think I respond appropriately, but sleep is already taking hold, turning my thoughts to mush.
… Vanuu's face hovers above me. He is not quite in human form, but he is also not the faceless apparition that I met on the island. He is frowning.
“Child,” he says, “where is your right hand?”
I am lying on my back, I realize. I strain to lift my head, puzzled by his question. I look down at my body, and find it clad in red. Oh...that explains it. He is asking the Endless. I let my head drop back.
“I lost it.” I roll my head to the right to assess the damage. My right arm ends in a ragged stump below my elbow, but there is no blood. No pain. In fact, I can still feel my severed limb. Only it's...cold. Too cold. And it won't move.
“...How?”
I roll my head back to look up at my father. “I...don't remember...”
He sighs. “You will, my child. In time. Just look for now. Look.”
I do as he tells me, turning my head to the right again, but the effort is starting to hurt. I raise my right hand, now a skeletal metal claw. I bring it in front of my face to examine the new appendage. A small flame flickers to life above my palm. I don't question it when it turns back to flesh and blood right before my eyes. I only start to feel alarmed when the heat of the flame starts to turn the flesh of my palm red. Before I can quite register what is happening, it has already begun to burn a hole through the center of my hand. The pain is unbearable, but I have no voice to scream.
I whip my gaze back to my father, to plead for help, but he's gone. Rourke is in his place, leering down at me. He brings his right hand down to press the palm flat against my swollen belly.
“Strong...” he murmurs gleefully. “She is strong.”
A pair of hands close around mine, and the pain seems to ease. Estela is holding my hand, kneeling beside me with Aleister at her shoulder. She seems to be examining my wound. Her expression is stoically grim, but I can see fear in her eyes.
“Aleister. Look.”
Aleister's eyes widen. He can't hide his fear like she can. “...So it's true.”
Estela nods. “Just as the Endless warned us.”
Through Estela's tender grip, I can see that my hand has begun to bleed. It trickles from the front and the back of my hand like stigmata, pooling between Estela's palms, but she doesn't seem to notice.
“...Estela...” I croak weakly. “Aleister...” Aleister puts a comforting hand on my shoulder.
“Don't worry, Alodia. We will protect you.”
Rourke has a knife in his left hand now. He holds out his right hand in front of him, raises the blade, and takes aim. As he drives the blade through his hand, he doesn't flinch, but I feel the pain as if his hand were mine, and I hear myself scream.
“Alodia!” Jake is beside me now, clutching my hand and desperately stroking my hair. His eyes are wild with fear, shimmering with tears. “Stay with me, Princess. Please...please don't leave me...”
I want to tell him I'm here. I want to tell him I'm all right. But I can't. The searing pain from my hand is spreading up my arm in waves, to my shoulder, flooding into my chest and my midsection. The smell of blood hits my nose in a sickeningly thick cloud. Rourke smiles viciously, raising his right hand to show me the dark hole that goes straight through.
“Do you remember, Andromeda, the truth of the Hydra?” He approaches me, and the pain intestifies. “...You know that we will meet again.”
I hear myself screaming, but the pain is fading. So is my voice. I can't hear Jake's voice anymore, I can't feel the pressure of his hand on mine. Oppressive heat surrounds me as I realize I am back at Hartfeld as it was the day we stepped through the Lernaean Gate.
“Allie!” Diego's voice cracks like a whip through the lava-scorched landscape.
“...Right hand...?” Vaanu's voice comes through crackling static. “...Right hand...”
“Allie! Allie!” …
… “Allie?”
There's a hand on my shoulder. I feel my heart spasm with alarm. My breath catches in my throat, my eyes flying open in a panic before I realize that it's Diego beside me. He pulls his hand back,d showing his palms with a sheepish smile.
“Sorry. Didn't mean to startle you.” His smile slips a little. “Are you okay? I came in to check on you and you were kind of...talking in your sleep.”
“What was I saying?”
“Um...I don't know. Couldn't really make out individual words.”
“I was dreaming...” I trail off as I ease myself upright, frowning. “...I need to talk to Estela and Aleister.”
Aleister
Naturally, Raj made sure we had a packed lunch for our flight back to Northbridge. Nothing fancy, at least not by his standards, just grilled sandwiches and an assortment of hand-made snacks to nibble on. But the effort is always appreciated. About two hours into the flight, after our collective efforts to calm my fussy son have finally born fruit, we lay the tables in the cabin and fetch ourselves drinks from the refridgerator. No one has said much in all this time, beyond what is polite and prefunctory. I think we are all rather in our own heads at the moment. But I have also been watching my sister, and what I see has me a bit concerned. Estela is not a woman prone to tears, or indeed any outward displays of emotion, but on and off, I have noticed her eyes glimmering. She has spent the better portion of these past two hours lying curled up with her head in Quinn's lap, just letting her girlfriend stroke her hair, looking for all the world like a forlorn puppy. Not something I am used to seeing from the San Trobidian rebel. Now that we are sitting at our tables, she is clearly struggling to eat, ocassionally placing a bite or two on her tongue, but very little has actually left the plate in front of her.
“Are you all right, Estela?” I finally can't help but ask.
Estela sighs, picking at a hangnail on her index finger. “Should I be? Considering my father just died?”
“I don't think there is a 'should' in this situation,” Quinn says gently. “You feel how you feel. It's okay.”
“I never cared about knowing who my father was. By the time I learned who he was, I hated him more than anyone else living. ...A part of me thinks I ought to be celebrating...”
Murphy, who had been dozing on the couch, seems to pick up on the general atmosphere. He rises and stretches before padding over to hop up on Estela's lap. She sighs, stroking his fur gently. Beside me, Grace puts a hand on my shoulder.
“How about you, sweetie? How are you holding up?”
“Right now? I am...fine. I do not know if it has entirely sunk in yet. But perhaps it has. Either way, the man is dead. Just a shell. And the world is better for it.”
“I would have expected your feelings to be more mixed than mine,” Estela remarks. I shrug.
“I was raised by the man...if you can call it that. The time was that I craved his affection. One could even say that I loved him, in that dutiful way a child always loves their parents. ...But any lingering love I had for him died back on the island. I won't say I am glad he is dead, but I am not sorry, either.”
“...I'm not sorry, either. Not really. ...But I guess I am...sad. I feel that this whole situation is just sad. New Year's Day, and my half-brother and I are going to identify the body of our father, who died in prison.”
“Yeah,” Sean sighs. “I think 'sad' describes that pretty accurately.”
On the table beside me, my phone trills with an incoming call. I glance at it, frowning when I see the name on the screen.
“It's Alodia.” I am immediately concerned that she may be trying to reach her husband. I look around at my companions and I know that the same thought has occurred to them. I thumb on the call. “Alodia? Are you all right?”
“Oh, Aleister. I wasn't actually expecting you to answer. I didn't think you'd have landed already.”
“We haven't. The ban on mobile phones during air travel has been rapidly dying out in the last few years. ...Are you trying to reach the pilot?”
“No. You're actually the one I wanted to reach. You and Estela. There's something I need you to do for me when you see the body.”
“...Hold on a moment. Let me put you on the speaker.” I tap the speaker and replace the phone on the table. “All right, say that again?”
“I took a little nap just now, and I had a weird dream that I'm not really inclined to ignore. When you see Rourke's body, I need you to check his right hand.”
“...Check it for what?” Estela asks.
“Honestly, I don't know. I'm hoping you will know when you see it.”
We are all silent for a moment. Michelle is the one who finally breaks the silence.
“It will be up to Aleister and Estela to actually check Rourke's right hand and recognize whatever it is they're supposed to be looking for. But if my opinion means anything, I don't think Alodia's instincts should ever be ignored when it comes to anything involving Rourke, La Huerta, the Vaanti, or Prism energy.”
“I would go so far as to say that is an incomplete list,” I agree. “There is nothing to be lost by looking at Father's right hand, and possibly there is something to be gained.”
I don't tell Alodia that her request has left me with a sick feeling in the pit of my stomach. Until now, any doubts I had about my father's demise could have easily been dismissed as the denial stage of grief. Or the mind's unwillingness to let go of wariness after the fight is over. But now my doubts are growing. Now I am starting to wonder if my father is truly dead.
* * *
Grace, Quinn, Estela, and I part ways with Sean, Michelle, Jake, and Mike at the airport. Three Rourke International cars are waiting to take us to our various destinations. Mike and Jake to a hotel to rest up for the flight home in the morning, Sean and Michelle to their apartment, and the rest of us to the morgue. Sean and Michelle agree to watch Reginald for us until we're finished, for which I am grateful. He may be just shy of a year old and unlikely to remember any of this, but it still feels wrong to bring him along to identify the body of his criminal grandfather. Not that I imagine they would allow him in the room with the body anyway, but my point stands.
At the Northbridge city morgue, Grace and Quinn are shown to a plain, but surprisingly pleasant-looking waiting room while the morgue attendant leads me into the back with Estela to the temperature-controlled area where the bodies are kept.
“I am sorry for your loss,” the attendant says solemnly. He is a young man, a little bit awkward-looking, with rather large ears, glasses, a chin shadowed with stubble, and a narrow head capped with sandy-brown fuzz. But his manner is pleasant and professional.
“I imagine you say that a lot,” Estela mutters, echoing my thoughts.
“It comes with the territory,” he concedes ruefully. “But it's always true.”
“We're not exactly...in mourning,” Estela answers flatly.
“We're here out of filial obligation,” I add. “I suspect you know enough of who our father is to guess why we say that.”
“It's not my place to pass judgment on familial relationships. Just to make sure bodies get to the right people. ...Speaking of which, whatever your feelings on your father, it might be shocking to see his body.” His professional composure cracks just a little. “...In fact...we generally only ask family members to look at photographs...I know you have asked to physically see his body, but...” Estela and I exchange a glance, and the attendant trails off.
“It is necessary that we view his remains,” I say simply.
The attendant doesn't question any further. When we reach the coolers, he unlocks the correct cabinet and draws out the shrouded corpse. He warns us about what we will see, what marks his death by strangulation have left on him. When we both nod our understanding, he slowly draws back the sheet.
I must admit, I have to close my eyes, just for a moment. I understand the clinical process by which strangulation kills, and I have some prior understanding of how that process affects the appearance of the victim. But to see my father's face so distorted and discolored... I glance at my sister, who remains as solid and stoic as I have ever seen her.
“I would like to see his hands,” she declares. The attendant raises an eyebrow.
“His hands?”
“Yes. Show me his hands.”
“It is a custom from her homeland,” I explain when the attendant seems to hesitate. “Please be respectful of it.”
Estela shoots me a glare behind the attendant's back. I shrug helplessly and she rolls her eyes, muttering something in Spanish that sounds like an insult. Nevertheless, the attendant allows her to examine our father's hands, on the condition that she wear gloves. Estela doesn't waste time. She pulls on the vinyl exam gloves and removes our father's right hand from under the sheet. I shift awkwardly as she looks it over, wondering if I should help her find whatever it is we're supposed to be looking for. But then her eyes widen, and I realize she's found it. She looks up at the attendant, her dark eyes narrow.
“This is not our father.”
Naturally, the attendant looks shocked by the assertion. I feel rather startled myself. I know it is difficult to believe that our father could actually die, but that Estela should deny what is right in front of  her face...
“...Estela...what...?”
My sister pins me with her penetrating gaze. “The last time we saw our father alive, he had a bandage on his right hand. He told us he had been stabbed in the palm with a pencil. Do you remember?”
“Yes. I remember.”
“He told us that the mark left by the graphite would last years. Decades. The rest of his life.”
The truth is creeping over me as I slowly realize what she is getting at. “...It's true. A graphite mark just under the skin can last decades at least.”
She lifts our father's right hand to show me the smooth, unmarked palm. “...Then where is it?”
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janephoenixdiary · 4 years
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Zašto me je tako bolelo kada je mislila na drugu Janu kad je rekla "old souls, Jano :)"?
Setih se Etihada i samoprozvanog TLM-a i njegove reakcije kad sam mislila da priča meni. "NE TI!" To "ti" kao da je imalo prizvuk nečeg inferiornog, nebitnog, suvišnog.
Možda zbog toga. A i zato što sam htela da joj JA budem omiljena.
Setih se i sna od jutros! Pobedila sam u nekoj nagradnoj igri. Odnosno izvukli su moj papirić. Kao nagradu, idem u... Hrvatsku. Međutim, ja ulazim u bus, a on se odjednom pretvara u aviom i poleće!!! Shvatam da letimo! Kajem se što sam ušla, psujem što sam krenula, pitam ljude da li će mi možda stati, kažu - neće... Ništa, prepustim se vožnji... Ostave me negde na autoputu. Krenem dalje pešice. Stignem kod Kvatrić apartmana. Jedina familijarnost. Vidim tatu!! Išao je nekim svojim poslom nevezano za mene. Tako mi je drago da ga vidim. Osećam se sigurno.
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Hair Loss Treatment Products Market Latest Update Size and Share  | Global Industry Analysis By Trends, Future Demands, Growth Factors
Global Hair Loss Treatment Products Market: Introduction
Baldness generally refers to excessive hair loss from a person’s scalp.  Hereditary hair loss with age is considered to be the most common cause of baldness. Some people prefer to let their hair loss run its course unhidden and untreated. There are various causes of hair fall, and various treatments for hair fall. Hair loss treatment products prevent further hair loss and restore growth.
View Report :  https://www.transparencymarketresearch.com/hair-loss-treatment-products-market.html
Key Drivers of Global Hair Loss Treatment Products Market
Changing patterns of lifestyle, increasing stress levels due to adoption of hectic schedules which thereby results in frequent hair loss at an earlier age among the young population, increasing disposable income, and increasing emphasis on appearance, are the major factors driving the hair loss treatment market
Causes of hair loss such as heredity, extreme stress, or shock to the body, toxic substances including chemotherapy, radiation therapy, some medications, and medical conditions boost the growth of the global hair loss treatment products market
According to MedlinePlus, both men and women tend to lose hair thickness as they age. This type of baldness is not usually caused by a disease. It is related to aging, heredity, and changes in the testosterone hormone. Inherited or pattern baldness affects more men than women. About 80% of men show signs of male pattern baldness by age 70.
Rising demand for hair loss treatment products, increasing patient population, rise in research and developmental activities in health care, rising geriatric population, and increasing adoption of hair care products are key factors boosting the global hair loss treatment products market
However, the presence of various alternate treatment options for hair loss, including laser hair therapy, hair transplant surgery, and light-based therapies are anticipated to restrain the global hair loss treatment products market during the forecast period
Strategies Adopted by Key Players to Offer Attractive Opportunities
Companies operating in the global hair loss treatment products market are focused on catering to the needs of the medical community as well as patient pool by introducing new products and technologies. Leading players emphasize on research and developmental activities and engage in acquisitions, mergers, and collaborations to strengthen their position in the global market.
For instance, in November 2019, Exicure, Inc., a pioneer in gene regulatory and immunotherapeutic drugs utilizing spherical nucleic acid (SNA) technology, announced that Allergan’s wholly owned subsidiary, Allergan Pharmaceuticals International Limited, and Exicure, Inc. have entered into a global collaboration agreement to discover and develop novel treatments for hair loss disorders based on Exicure’s proprietary SNA technology.
In May 2018,  Histogen, Inc., a regenerative medicine company focused on stimulating the body’s stem cells to regenerate tissues and restore youthful function, received approval of its Investigational New Drug (IND) application from the US Food and Drug Administration (FDA) to study its lead product in female diffuse hair loss.
In March 2016, Aclaris Therapeutics, Inc., a clinical stage specialty pharmaceutical company, announced that it has entered into an agreement with the stockholders of Vixen Pharmaceuticals, Inc. (Vixen) to acquire all of the stock of Vixen. As a result of this transaction, Aclaris acquired worldwide rights to intellectual property licensed to Vixen by Columbia University, covering the use of certain Janus Kinase (JAK) inhibitor compounds for the treatment of alopecia areata, androgenetic alopecia, and other dermatological conditions.
Developing economies present lucrative opportunities to the global hair loss treatment products market, owing to extensive changes in lifestyle patterns, increase in patient population, rising geriatric population, surge in the prevalence of hair loss conditions, and rise in research and development activities in these economies
North America to Account for a Major Share of Global Hair Loss Treatment Products Market
North America is projected to account for a leading share of the global hair loss treatment products market during the forecast period, due to rise in patient population, increasing changes in lifestyle, rise in hair loss,  increasing aging population, increase in research & development activities, availability of well-established health care infrastructure, continuous technological advancements, rise in the number of well-equipped laboratories, and presence of key players in the region
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The hair loss treatment products market in Asia Pacific is projected to expand at a rapid pace during the forecast period, due to increasing prevalence of  hair loss, growing geriatric population, rising patient population, increasing awareness, expanding health care sector, and rising interest of key players in expanding their presence in the market in the region
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Key Players Operating in Global Hair Loss Treatment Products Market
Leading players in the global hair loss treatment products market are focusing on research and development activities and technological advancements. Their competitors are also emphasizing on various growth strategies including mergers, acquisitions, product advancements, new product approvals and launches, partnerships, and collaborations. Leading players operating in the global hair loss treatment products market are:
Sun Pharmaceutical Industries Ltd.
Aclaris Therapeutics, Inc.
Concert Pharmaceuticals
Daiichi Sankyo Company, Limited
GlaxoSmithKline plc.
HCell Inc.
Histogen Inc.
Merck & Co., Inc.
Johnson & Johnson Services, Inc.
Global Hair Loss Treatment Products Market: Research Scope
Global Hair Loss Treatment Products Market, by Product Type
Shampoos and Conditioners
Supplements and Vitamins/ Medicine Product
Serum & oil
Others
Global Hair Loss Treatment Products Market, by Disease Type
Alopecia Areata
Cicatricial Alopecia
Traction Alopecia
Alopecia Totalis
Alopecia Universalis
Androgenetic Alopecia
Others
Global Hair Loss Treatment Products Market, by Distribution Channel
Hypermarkets and Supermarkets
Medical/Pharmacy Stores
E-commerce
Departmental Stores
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Global Hair Loss Treatment Products Market, by Region
North America
Europe
Asia Pacific
Latin America
Middle East & Africa
U.S.
Canada
Germany
France
U.K.
Italy
Spain
Rest of Europe
China
Japan
India
Australia & New Zealand
Rest of Asia Pacific
Brazil
Mexico
Rest of Latin America
GCC Countries
South Africa
Rest of Middle East & Africa
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Text
Osamnaesto poglavlje moje priče ,,Dreams are not enough" je ovdje:
Chapter 18.
Ne. To nije moguće. Nisam imala sestara osim Eve. Nas dvije smo jedina djeca naših roditelja. Da mi je ova djevojka sestra, valjda bih je poznavala.
,,Ti nisi moja sestra. Eva je moja sestra.“ Rekla sam, namrštivši se.
,,Da, Eva. Ali i ja sam.“
,,To nije moguće.“ Izgubljeno sam rekla.
,,Zar ne vidiš da smo potpuno identične? Mi smo blizanke.“
Disala sam ubrzano. ,,Ako smo blizanke, zašto ne živiš s nama?“
,,Sjećaš li se onog sna?“
Umjesto da odgovorim, upitala sam: ,,Odakle mi znaš ime?“
,,Valjda zato što si ti dio mene koji ne zaboravljam tako lako.“
,,Kako sam onda ja zaboravila tebe?“
,,Jer si ti ljudsko biće koje za mene nikad nije saznalo, a ja sam demon.“
,,To nije moguće.“ Tiho sam rekla.
Podignula je lijevu obrvu. ,,Lucifer je otac svih demona. Dobro znaš kako je on nekoć bio anđeo i kako su mnogi demoni bili anđeli. Ja nisam bila anđeo. Ali sam se rodila kao ljudsko biće. Kao mrtvo ljudsko biće. Bila sam živa samo nekoliko sekundi. Nije mi dopustio ni da progledam, ni da ugledam lica svojih roditelja. Odmah me prizvao k sebi. On sebi među ljudima izabere koga želi, odlučuje kada i kako će umrijeti. Bila sam prisiljena živjeti u paklu, imati svoj svijet i mučiti grešnike. Istu sudbinu dijelio je i demon koga voliš.“
,,Jan.“ Prošaptala sam, dok je hladna struja prolazila kroz mene.
,,Jan je bio čovjek, vrlo zao čovjek, zbog čega je mogao biti dobar mučitelj u paklu, ali je otišao, kao i ja.“
Spustila sam pogled. ,,Zašto mi to sada govoriš?“
,,Ima nešto važno što ti moram reći. Vrag je mene zbog mog bijega zamrzio i obećao mi osvetu. A ja se plašim kako će se on osvetiti tako što tebe prizove u pakao, kako bi zauzela moje mjesto. A ja ne želim da radiš i vidiš ono što sam ja morala raditi i vidjeti. Previše si nježna i dobrodušna za to. Voliš svoju religiju i redovito se moliš Bogu, ideš svake nedjelje u crkvu. Ne zaslužuješ to.“
,,Zašto se Janu ne želi osvetiti?“ Sumnjivo sam upitala.
,,Može se i Janu osvetiti tako što mu oduzme tebe. Gledaj, nitko mi drugi nije bitan osim tebe. Ostani s Janom i ne ljuti se na njega, jer sve što radi, radi samo zbog tebe. Pri svom odlasku sam mu rekla kako jednog dana pođe sa mnom na Zemlju gdje žive ljudi i tvom životu da smisao. Gledala sam te iz pakla, osjećala tvoju tugu i bol jer te okružuje takva bagra. Nisam ti htjela prilaziti prije tvoje osamnaeste godine, jer sam mislila kako će te Lucifer ubiti prije nego što tvoj život uopće počne. Činjenica jest kako te Jan svojim ugrizima može pretvoriti u jednu od nas. Kada bismo se svi spojili, mogli bismo poraziti Lucifera. Mogli bismo uništiti njega. Jer kada bismo njega uništili, ne bi zlo više haralo svijetom. Svi bismo živjeli u sreći i jedinstvu.“
,,Ne razumijem se u to, ali ne zvuči mi kao krasna ideja.“ Nesigurno sam rekla. ,,Otkud znaš da će sve poći dobrim putem? Možda sve napraviš gorim nego što već jest.“
Začuli su se koraci. Dah mi je na trenutak zastao.
,,Ewelina, rekla sam ti istinu. Čuvaj ju za sebe i vjeruj samo njemu. On je tvoj prijatelj, svi ostali su samo sjenke. Ništa od mene nije preostalo. Poput duha sam koji oblijeće žive. Ali uz tvoju pomoć bih napokon bila ispunjena.“
Vrata su se otvorila.
,,Ewelina!“ Nervozno je viknuo. ,,Što ti radiš ovdje?“
,,Što radim ovdje?“ Upitala sam očiju punih suza. Kako se uopće usudio upitati me to?
Moja sestra je stala pored mene. ,,U redu je, tata. Morala je to kad-tad saznati.“
Pokrila sam oči rukama i istrčala iz bolnice, van iz tog prokletog mjesta. Tata me sustigao na mostu i uhvatio za ramena. Stajala sam kao skamenjena, plačući, tresući se. Nisam se usudila podignuti pogled prema njemu.
,,Ewelina, pogledaj me.“
Podignula sam prestravljeni pogled prema njemu. Oči su mu bile žalosne. Moglo se čak reći da mu je bilo žao.
,,Želio sam ti to reći.“ Nastavio je drhtavim glasom. ,,Želio sam ti cijeli život za nju reći i mrzio sam sebe što nisam imao hrabrosti za to. Odnedavno imam grozne noćne more gdje sam ju sanjao u toj bolnici. Došao sam ovamo... i ugledao ju... odraslu i odjevenu poput tebe. Mislio sam da ju samo ja mogu vidjeti.“
Odvratila sam pogled, ne znajući što reći, kako izraziti emocije koje su me zahvatile.
,,Slušaj, Ewelina.“ Uhvatio me za ramena. ,,Mama vas je rodila u Poljskoj mjesec dana prije termina. Išli smo na ljetovanje i iznenada se počela porađati. Nismo je stignuli odvesti do bolnice, već smo je u kući tvog strike morali porađati. Nije bila nekoliko sekundi živa, već joj je disanje stalo. Kada smo ju željeli zakopati, odjedanput je nestala. Pomirio sam se s činjenicom da je više nema, ali prije nekoliko dana me neka sila vukla ovamo, glasovi su me dozivali i ugledao sam nju u toj sobi. Ista poput tebe, isti glas, isto sve. Plašio sam se, ali opet sam dolazio jer sam osjećao grižnju savjesti. Shvaćaš li da ni sam ne znam što sam napravio?“
Kiša je počela sitno padati. Kvasila nam je odjeću i kosu, ali nismo obraćali pažnju na to.
Nisam ni riječ prozborila dok smo se vozili u autu. Nisam znala što bih ga trebala pitati. Stoga sam samo šutjela, očekujući još jednu nenormalnu vijest, nalik da će sutra doći vanzemaljci i kako ću biti udata za jednog od njih.
Čim smo došli kući, otrčala sam u svoju sobu. Zaključala sam vrata, zatvorila prozore, spustila rolete, navukla zavjese. Nisam više željela doći u dodir s bilo kakvim ljudskim bićem. Mrzila sam ljude. Mrzila sam svako jedino živo biće. Nisam riječima znala svoju mržnju opisati.
Opet sam počela plakati. Plakala sam tako pola sata, sve dok se hladno tijelo nije privilo uz moje i čvrsto me zagrlilo. Nagnuo je čelo na moje i zatvorenih očiju slušao kako plačem. Nije mi preostalo ništa drugo osim ga zagrliti i kvasiti njegovu majicu svojim crnim suzama. Osjećala sam kako me oči peku i padam u nesvijest.
Kada sam se napokon smirila, uzeo je vlažne maramice iz moje ladice i obrisao mi lice.
,,Smiri se. Ja sam tu.“ Prošaptao je, dok sam pokušavala doći do zraka.
,,Gdje si bio?“ Upitala sam, drhteći.
,,Nije bitno. Sada sam s tobom.“
,,Znaš sve, je l' tako?“ Upitala sam ga.
,,Ako misliš na svoju sestru, onda da.“ Stavio mi je ruku na koljeno, suosjećajno me gledajući. ,,Žao mi je, maco.“
,,Nešto drugo nisam ni očekivala.“
,,Maco...“
Zatvorila sam oči. ,,Ne zovi me tako. Nisi mi ništa ispričao o paklu i tvom odnosu s mojom sestrom. Zašto si šutio kada sam spomenula onaj san? Zašto si se stalno pravio mutav?“
,,Ja...“
,,Ustvari, nije ni bitno. Otiđi.“
Izašao je iz sobe, zalupivši vratima.
Ne imajući pojma što učiniti sa sobom, legla sam u krevet i zaspala. Probudila sam se u mrklom mraku. U kući je sve bilo mirno. Mogla sam čuti ptičice kako cvrkuću, kako se imaju čemu radovati.
Okrenula sam se na drugu stranu. I vidjela Jana. Sjedio je na stolici ispred mog pisaćeg stola, gledajući me isprva zamišljeno, a onda je raskolačio oči.
Ustala sam s kreveta i prišla mu. Ustao je i poljubio me. Držao mi je ruku ispod glave dok je me ljubio, a drugom mi je obgrlio struk. Na sebi sam imala samo crnu potkošulju i crne gaćice.
Iznenada je prekinuo poljubac, gledajući me kao da je nešto pogrešno učinio.
,,Stvarno mi je žao, Ewelina...“
,,Ne, meni je žao.“ Prekinula sam ga. ,,Oprosti što sam se onoliko izderala na tebe i optužila te kao lažova. Volim te.“
Osmjehnuo se pogledom punog nade. ,,I ja tebe volim, Ewelina.“
Povela sam ga do kreveta. Skinula sam mu đžemper i pala na krevet, povukavši ga na sebe. Položio mi je svoje ledene ruke na bedra i malčice mi razmaknuo noge. Podignuo mi je potkošulju i hladnim usnama mi poljubio trbuh. Zatvorila sam oči, osjećajući kako se istovremeno i ledim i grijem. Kada je prestao, otvorila sam oči i podignula pogled prema njemu.
,,Ewelina, želiš li ovo?“ Tiho je upitao nakon što mi je nježno gricnuo rame.
Od uzbuđenja nisam mogla ni razmišljati, ni gledati u išta drugo osim njegovog lica, pa sam samo kimnula.
Nisam imala pojma koliko je moglo biti sati kada sam se probudila. Dan je bio nenormalno dugačak i svašta sam proživjela. Ali ovaj put nisam zaspala zbog tuge, već zbog iscrpljenosti. Osjećala sam se kao da mi valovi prolaze tijelom, kao da mi je netko oko vrata stavio ogrlicu napunjenu strujom. Grudi su me boljele, kao i leđa.
Okrenula sam se u drugu stranu, gdje su me dočekala Janova čista, blijeda leđa, široka ramena i crna kosica rasuta po mom ljubičastom jastuku. Ne sjećam se kada sam nas zadnji put oboje zatekla u istom krevetu. A još više me iznenađivalo što je spavao.
Pomilovala sam ga po hladnim leđima i privila se uz njega. Dodirivala sam mu mekanu kosu, ledenu kožu, tetovažu, ruke. Osjećala sam se tako sigurno. Kada je on uz mene, ne osjećam ni trunku straha.
Uspjela sam ustati s kreveta i prići preko njega, a da se pri tome nije ni trznuo, te sam podigla rolete da vidim je li dan ili noć. Bila je noć. Dakle, više od polovinu dana sam provela spavajući, umjesto da sam učila.
Posegnula sam za unutrašnjim rubljem i odijenula ga na sebe, pazeći da ne probudim Jana. Odijenula sam njegov đžemper, koji je bio kao krojen za mene i moje malene grudi. Mirisao je na njega, kao što sam i ja sva trenutno na njega mirisala.
Pravila sam se da nisam primijetila kada se probudio, ali držala sam mu leđa okrenutim dok se odijevao. Stao je iza mene i obgrlio me rukama oko struka, utisnuvši mi poljubac u obraz. Spustila sam ruke na njegove, osjećajući kako tonem u njegovu ljubav.
,,Jesi li mi se lijepo naspavala?“ Upitao je sa smiješkom u glasu.
,,Znaš da samo lijepo spavam kada si ti pored mene.“
Okrenula sam se tako da smo stajali licem u lice. Gledali smo ozbiljno jedno u drugo. Ruke su mu bile nagnute na dasku ispod prozora iza mene, oči umorne, a mišići napeti. Nisam očekivala kako ću ikada sa svojim dečkom stajati u ovakvoj pozi, ja u njegovom đžemperu i čipkastim gaćicama, on golih prsa u crnim hlačama.
Osmjehnuo se i prstom me pomilovao po obrazu. ,,Je li sve u redu, dušo?“ Upitao je.
,,Da, zašto?“
,,Izgledaš nekako slabo.“
,,U redu sam, nemaš potrebu za brigom.“
,,A što te onda muči?“
Uzdahnula sam. ,,Muči me ono što je sestra rekla, o tome da će me đavo prizvati sebi kada umrem.“
,,To se neće dogoditi.“
,,Ali...“
Uhvatio me za ramena, s nimalo ljubaznim pogledom. ,,Ewelina, ukoliko sam ja tu, nema šanse da ti se bilo što dogodi. Uostalom su i njih šestero na našoj strani, koji će te štititi od zla.“
,,Kojih šestero?“ Upitala sam izgubljeno.
,,Prvi je Bechard. On je demon vjetra, oluje, munje, svjetlosti, leda, kiše.
Druga demonica je Guland, koja uzrokuje sve varijacije bolesti.
Treća demonica je Haristom, koja daje moć prolaženja kroz vatru pez opekotina.
Četvrta je Elelogap, koja ima moć nad vodom i ledom.
Peti sam ja - Jan, ili Proculo, kako me po legendi nazivaju. Ja imam moć nad snovima.
I šesta je Elspeth, ili Heramael. Demonica medicine.“
,,Ime joj je Elspeth?“ Upitala sam.
,,Tvoji roditelji su joj to ime nadijenuli, a Lucifer joj je dao ime Heramael.“
,,Ne mogu vjerovati da su je tolike godine skrivali od mene.“
,,Činili su to za tvoje dobro. Ne razumiješ to ni sada, Ewelina, a ne želim pričati o tome kakva bi situacija nastala kada bi ti to rekli za tvoj jedanaesti rođendan. Ne bi im vjerovala, zar ne?“
Uzdahnula sam i spustila pogled. ,,Naravno da ne bih.“
Uzeo mi je lice u ruke i podignuo mi glavu, sve dok se nismo gledali oči u oči.
,,Slušaj, draga.“ Odlučno je rekao. ,,Sve će biti dobro.“
Stajali smo tako zagrljeni u mraku, sve dok me nije ponovno počeo ljubiti.
,,Dali su joj ime Elspeth. To je toliko rijetko i čudno ime. Moju prijateljicu Elspeth su uvijek pogrešno nazivali. Iako smo bile potpuno različite, bile smo prijateljice. Kao da mi je u životu uvijek nedostajala neka Elspeth.“
,,Nedostaje li ti?“
Kimnula sam. ,,Voljela bih da je mogu vidjeti. Barem jednu sekundu.“
Zagrlio je me. ,,Vidjet ćeš je.“
Sutradan je Eva došla kući. Ispisala se iz fakulteta, rekavši da je pretežak za nju. Nešto drugo od nje nisam ni očekivala.
Tata je bio potpuno izbačen iz takta, ne samo zbog nje, već i zbog mene. Izbjegavala sam svaki njegov pogled i otišla prije nego što bi mi nešto rekao. Ono što je učinio je bilo neoprostivo. A mama se naravno pravila da je to sve ne zanima.
Nisam ni s Evom pretjerano razgovarala, sve dok se nije za mnom uspela na tavan i ugledala kako se zabavljam sa svojim starim igračkama. Pronašla sam mnoge barbike i časopise koje sam prije čitala, razne dnevnike koje nikada nisam do kraja ispisala.
,,Što radiš s tom kutijom?“ Začuđeno je upitala Eva, gledajući kako veliku smeđu kutiju nosim niz stubište.
,,Bolje ti je ne znati.“ Odbrusila sam, zalupivši ulaznim vratima.
Odnijela sam ogromnu kutiju iza kuće i uvukla se u nju. I dalje mogu bez problema stati u nju. U ovu kutiju bih se svaki put zavukla kada bi se mama i tata zbog mene svađali. Samo bih otvorila kutiju i skočila u nju. Ovdje sam mogla na miru čitati, razmišljati, plakati, a da me nitko ne primijeti. Kada sam krenula u srednju školu, odnijela sam je na tavan, zajedno s ostalim igračkama koje su mi smetale u sobi. Željela sam se osloboditi toga i postati odrasla osoba, ali korijeni iz prošlosti su me i dalje vukli sa sobom.
Nakon nekog vremena je Eva navratila do mene, izvirujući kroz otvor kutije.
,,Otiđi.“ Rekla sam spuštenog pogleda.
,,Okej, shvatila sam. Jan i ti ste prekinuli i želiš se sada skriti od svijeta u toj smrdljivoj kutiji kako nitko ne bi vidio tugu u tvojim očima.“
,,Nismo uopće prekinuli.“
,,Onda ne znam koja druga opcija dolazi u obzir. Imaš mjesečnicu i ne znaš kako bi spriječila bolove u trbuhu? Mačka te ganja i sakrila si se ovdje od nje? Nemaš nikoga za pratnju na maturalnoj večeri?“
Zatvorila sam oči. ,,Eva, tvoj mozak nije na razini da shvati zbog čega patim. Stoga, molim te, otiđi.“
,,Samo ti želim pomoći...“
,,Ne možeš mi pomoći!“ Odbrusila sam. ,,Moj život se zauvijek promijenio.“
,,Dakle, saznala si?“
,,Što sam saznala?“
,,Da imaš sestru blizanku.“
Gledala sam je bez teksta. ,,Ti to znaš?“
Kimnula je.
Ona je to znala. Ona je to znala, a ja nisam, iako je u pitanju bio dio mene, moja druga polovica. Moja sestra blizanka. Ona je to cijeli svoj život znala, a ja nisam. Cijeli život je šutjela u vezi toga, kao što su i mama i tata šutjeli. Zašto je ona to smjela znati?
,,Znaš to već odavno, zar ne?“ Govorila sam van sebe od bijesa. ,,Znaš da imam sestru blizanku, a šutjela si, nikada mi to nitko nije spomenuo. Mislila sam kako si ti moja jedina sestra.“
,,Hej, nemoj pretjerivati. Elspeth je i moja sestra, ali umrla je.“
,,Nije umrla!“ Podignula sam kutiju u zrak, ni ne pogledavši gdje je sletjela. Eva je bila zaprepaštena.
,,Ti si samo jedna okrutna lažljivica, kao i tvoji mutavi roditelji!“ Viknula sam i zatim otrčala u kuću.
Napokon je i školski vlak prošao. Zvanično sam završila školu. Jučer sam dobila diplomu. Jedva jedvice sam prošla četvrtkom. Jan i ja o tim demonima više nismo razgovarali i trudili smo se što više ponašati kao normalni ljudi koji žive normalan život.
Večeras je bila maturalna večer, a on je bio moja pratnja. Nadala sam se da profesori neće odmah početi tračati u vezi njegove navodne proljetne alergije, ali mislim kako su s vremenom svi shvatili kako je u pitanju bila gorka laž. Ali unatoč tome će on biti moj partner.
Nosila sam skupocjenu haljinu iz Poljske koju mi je moja strina sašila. Imala je kratke čipkaste rukave i tanke tregere. Sprijeda je izgledala poput kratke haljinice krojena u obliku labuda, a nazad je imala ogromni plašt do poda, koji je svijetlio srebrnim i zlatnim sjajem. Kada sam stala na štikle, osjećala sam se potpuno božanstveno.
Ogledala sam se dugo vremena u zrcalu, uživajući gledati ovaj prizor.
Čula sam sirenu. Bila je to Janova. Došao je po mene. Valjda će me poput pravog đžentlmena ispratiti do auta i otvoriti mi vrata, a ne smijati se ako zbog njegovog prelijepog lica zaboravim tlo pod nogama i srušim se u štiklama.
Morala sam držati plašt s obje strane kako bih mogla sići niz stubište.
Kada sam sišla, tata je već bio otvorio vrata i vani razgovarao s Janom. Iako mu je tata nešto pričao, Jan nije mogao skinuti pogled s mene. Kada je tata napokon shvatio da sam izašla, unervozio se.
,,Oh, i ja samo pričam, a ne shvaćam da je moja ljepotica upravo izašla.“ Zagrlio me i ja sam mu uzvratila zagrljaj. Nije mi preostalo ništa drugo osim da se ovoga trena pravim kao da se ništa nije dogodilo i ignoriram sve dane, pa čak i mjesece prije kraja školske godine kada nije ni riječ sa mnom prozborio. Tako je to u životu. Zaboravljaš, pa nastavljaš dalje.
,,Onda, želim vam lijep provod i budite mi dobri.“ Tata je nestao u kući prije nego što sam mu stignula dobaciti koji zastrašujući pogled. Neka bježi. To mu je oduvijek najbolje išlo.
Jan me privio uza se i utisnuo mi snažan poljubac na čelo. Osjećala sam kako mi se njegove ruke motaju oko tijela, čuvajući me kao da sam kutija puna zlata.
Ušli smo u njegovo auto, a zbog svoje ogromne haljine sam jedva uspjela sjesti. Iz nekog razloga sam se osjećala debelom. I znojila sam se. Srećom je sunce zašlo i oblaci su se okupili na tamnoplavom nebu. Ptičice su cvrkutale, priroda je ponovno oživjela, zvukovi motora su se čuli posvuda. Kada smo već kod motora, Mindy i Matt su upravo s motorom prošli pored našeg auta, žureći kao da sudjeluju u utrci. Zbog brzine nisam uspjela vidjeti kakvu je Mindy haljinu nosila. Ali ona će svakako pobijediti. Uvijek pobijedi.
Kada smo došli, uzela sam Jana ispod ruke kao što su se i svi ostali parovi uzeli, te nas je ispred ulaza odmah ulovio fotograf i naredio nam da se nasmiješimo. Nisam ni željela pogledati kako smo ispali.
Glazba je bila umirujuća i spora, savršena za lagan ples. Svi su bili tu. Sve djevojke su izgledale prelijepo u skupocjenim haljinama, dotjeranim noktima, savršenom šminkom i svečanim frizurama. Bilo je teško procijeniti tko je bio najljepši. Ali svi znamo tko će titulu najljepše večeras odnijeti.
,,Nemoj gledati u nju.“ Prošaptao je Jan.
Odvratila sam pogled s Mindy i pogledala u njegove zabrinute oči.
,,Ti si najljepša.“ Ponovio je Jan po ne znam koji put noćas.
,,Najiskrenije, ne igra mi uopće ulogu tko je noćas najljepši ili najljepša. Svejedno mi je.“
Osmjehnuo se i poljubio me u čelo. ,,Onda, koliko je haljina koštala?“
,,Nisam ju platila. Moja strina iz Poljske ju je krojila, upravo za matursku večer.“
Podignuo je lijevu obrvu. ,,Imaš strinu u Poljskoj?“
,,Da. Moj tata se rodio u Poljskoj pa i danas prati nihove običaje, ali preselio se prije nego što je krenuo u srednju školu. Otac mu je Britanac, a majka Poljakinja. Gotovo svako ljeto idemo tamo.“
,,U kojem ste mjestu?“
,,Budemo u selu Kazimierz Dolny.“
Nasmiješio se. ,,Znaš pričati poljski?“
,,Vjeruj mi da nemam pojma. Znam samo one obične riječi koje većina ljudi zna.“ Spustila sam pogled. Odjedanput mi se ugrijala sijalica u glavi. ,,Hej, zašto ne bi otišao s nama ovo ljeto?“
,,Kamo?“
,,Pa u Poljsku! Bit će ti prelijepo, vjeruj mi. Striko i strina žive u samoj prirodi gdje nema apsolutno nikoga. Nema boljeg mjesta za odmaranje.“
Uzdahnuo je. ,,Ne znam, ne ide mi se baš. Nisam baš tip za sunce i provod. Više volim noć i snijeg. A ni prvi susret s tvojim roditeljima nije baš najbolje prošao.“
I samo tako sam se svega prisjetila. Jan je demon, Elspeth je moja sestra i moja obitelj je od mene groznu tajnu čuvala cijeli moj život. Čim mi se ta slika u glavi pojavila, nešto u meni je puklo. Ne, nisam ljuta na cijeli svijet, ni na Boga. Ljuta sam jer ovo nisam zaslužila. Cijeli svoj život sam bila dobra djevojka koja je svima željela ugoditi.
,,Ewelina?“ Mogla sam čuti Janov zabrinuti glas kako me doziva, prstima mi dižući bradu. ,,Je li sve u redu?“
Nisam ga mogla gledati. Čim bih ga pogledala, sjetila bih se opet svake proživljene drame s njim. Zašto nisam i ja mogla imati normalnog dečka? Zašto nisam mogla imati normalan život?
,,Nije... nije mi dobro.“ Promrmljala sam, dižući njegovu ruku sa svog struka. ,,Idem se umiti u toaletu.“
Ali umjesto umivanja, sjela sam na wc školjku i zaključala se. Imam osjećaj kako me stotine ruku hvataju želeći me uvući u neki drugi svijet, a ja ne znam u koji da odem. Čujem kako se vrata iza mene otvaraju. Hladne ruke me hvataju oko struka i izvlače iz toaleta.
,,Pusti me, mogu sama hodati...“ Promrmljala sam dok sam doslovno lebdila u zraku.
Nakon nekog vremena sam došla k sebi. Bila sam u bolnici. Sama.
,,Jan!“ Vrisnula sam, a on se automatski privio uz mene.
,,Isuse, nemoj tako vrištati.“ Prošaptao je zgroženo.
,,Oprosti, toliko je mračno ovdje. Što radimo ovdje?“
Imala sam osjećaj kako me smatra ludom. ,,Vidjet ćeš.“
Držeći se za ruke, došetali smo do sobe u kojoj se nalazila Elspeth. Stajala je kao skamenjena unutra, držeći svijeću u ruci. Nosila je elegantnu crnu haljinu, crna kosa joj je bila svezana u punđžu, a usne namazane crvenim ružem.
Naredila je Janu da pridrži njezinu svijeću, te je iz svog ormara izvadila neki predmet. Nisam mogla raspoznati o čemu se radi, sve dok je svijeća nije osvijetlila. Violina.
Počela je svirati neku sporu melodiju na svojoj violini. Držala je oči zatvorenim. Djelovala je kao da tone u glazbu, kao da se vezuje. Prišla je izlaznim vratima i prošaptala: ,,Samo idite za mnom.“
Pošli smo za njom kroz tamnu bolnicu. Držala sam Jana za ruku i u sebi umirala od straha. Gledala sam samo u našu obuću, jer sam se plašila da će mi se u mraku nešto pričinjati.
Došli smo do razvaljenih vrata koja su vodila u šaren krajolik obraslog drvećima. Elspeth je poput malenog djeteta šetala po travi, dizala ruke i smiješila se. Zrak je bio hladan i osvježavajuć, a nebo mračno s jednom zvijezdom.
,,Ovdje obično dođem kada mi je dosadno.“ Objašnjavala je Elspeth, uzevši otpali zeleni list s tla. ,,Priroda je moj prijatelj. Pomoću nje stvaram svakakve lijekove.“
,,Jesi li napravila lijek koji sam tražio?“ Upitao je Jan.
,,O čemu govoriš?“ Upitala sam nestrpljivo. ,,O čemu se dogovarate bez mog znanja? Želim i ja znati vaše planove.“
,,Evo, našla sam ga!“ Viknula je Elspeth nedaleko od nas.
Trčala je prema nama, u ruci noseći providnu bočicu sa kristalnom tekućinom. Razlika između tekućine i bočice je bila gotovo nevidljiva.
,,Što je to?“ Upitala sam.
,,Ovo je lijek koji mačke pretvara natrag u ljudska bića.“
,,Gdje si to našla?“ Upitao je Jan.
,,Nisam našla. Napravila sam ga prije točno deset godina, kada je mačak Ewelinu ujeo za nogu. Zakopala sam ga ovdje, vjerujući da će mi jednoga dana biti koristan.“
,,Jesi li me ti spasila od njegovog ugriza?“
,,Jesam.“ Potvrdila je. ,,Izliječila sam te čim si došla u bolnicu. Ja sam demonica medicine i poklanjam vam ovaj lijek kako biste mačke pretvorili natrag u ljudska bića.“
Dakle, ona me je spasila. Da nje nije bilo, sigurno bih sada bila u paklu.
,,Ne preostaje nam dugo vremena.“ Prošaptala je Elspeth, držeći bočicu u oba ispružena dlana. ,,Zlo se s mački mora skinuti, inače će ubiti Ewelinu koja će završiti u paklu, a kada jednom bude u đavlovim rukama, nitko joj neće moći pomoći.“
Uslijedila je tišina i hladan povjetarac je proletio, učinivši da mi tijelom prođu trnci. Ni večeras neću smjeti spavati sama.
,,Daj mi bočicu.“ Odjedanput je rekao Jan.
Zgrabio ju je i čvrsto stisnuo u šaci, a potom me uzeo za ruku i povukao sa sobom. Bacila sam pogled preko ramena. Elspeth je nepomično stajala na travi i gledala me ozbiljnim, crnim očima, bez ikakvih emocija.
Dok smo se Jan i ja vraćali kroz bolnicu, rekla sam: ,,Što se dogodilo? Zar maturalna večer i dalje traje? I zašto si toliko uzrujan?“
,,Zaspala si na wc školjki, pa sam te morao iznijeti u naručju.“
,,I to je sada razlog zbog kojeg si ljut?“
Zastao je i pogledao me. ,,Ljut sam na Elspeth jer je prije deset godina napravila magičnu vodu i nije ju iskoristila protiv tih mačaka.“
,,Izliječila me od njihova ugriza i spasila mi život.“
,,Jest, ali mogla ih je i pretvoriti natrag u ljudska bića. U potpunosti se oslonila na mene.“
,,Pa ako ti nije stalo do mene, zašto si otišao iz pakla?“
Namrštio se. ,,Stalo mi je, ali previše briga mi leži na kičmi. Nisam siguran mogu li se o svemu pobrinuti i sve spasiti.“
Uzdahnula sam i nastojala promijeniti temu. ,,Zašto Mindy nije pobijedila?“
Slegnuo je ramenima. ,,Očito si ti bila ljepša. Kao što sam i rekao.“
Nasmiješila sam se. Ja kraljica večeri. Mislila sam da to nikada neću doživjeti. Ali nisam to ni doživjela... zaspala sam. Ali opet sam pobijedila. I odbacila Mindy s njezinog prijestolja!
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