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#jason todd crack
fcthots · 5 months
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ive had a revelation.
Jason Todd is called "Jaybean" by y/n in front of the batboys who have no idea jay even has a WIFE (let alone someone who he isnt dangerously annoyed by) and everyone goes fucking nuts (in a cute way)
(also can I have an anon emoji bc i'm planning to be here quite a bit i'm so sorry your writing and the brainrot is just too good TvT)
I hereby name you 🧶 anon bc I clicked it on accident so it was meant to be
It's not your fault he wasn't responding to you. You just figured he was ignoring you or something, so you texted him...several times.
You: Hey do you want batburger for dinner bc if the answer is yes, I need to leave to go get it now
You: Jay
You: Babe
You: I will drive all the way there to get just my order out of spite
You: Baby
You: Ok it's been like ten minutes, I really need to know
You: Red
You: Jason
You: Answer your phone
You: It's been like 25 minutes. I don't care about the food. Are you ok?
You: Ok you're starting to freak me out now, you were supposed to be back like 15 minutes ago
You: Jason, sweetheart
You: Love
You: Shnookums
You: Pookie
You: Jaybean?
You: Jason Peter Todd if you don't pick up the phone, I will divorce you
Your phone starts ringing. It's Jason. Something feels...off. A phone call?
You ignore your questions and pick up the phone. "WHERE IN THE EVER-LOVING FUCK HAVE YOU BEEN?"
"Oh" That was not your husbands voice. What the fuck?
"um.. hello?"
"Who is this?"
"This is-... Wait. You're the one with my husband's phone. Who is THIS?"
"Wait. Wait. Wait. Wait. Wait. HUSBAND?"
"Who the fuck is this? Where is Jason?"
The man on the other end of the phone starts laughing. He's whispering the several other people. It lasts far longer than it should. "Um. This his brother, Dick."
"Hey, fuck you, asshole. You're the one with Jason's phone. Don't call me a dick-."
"That's my name. Dick is my name."
"...Oh"
"Jason is uhhh asleep right now. Yeah. He's... He was really tired. He's taking a nap."
"A nap? Can you wake him up?"
"...no"
"no?"
"..."
"Did he get his shit rocked by Croc again?"
"WHAT"
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deepdisireslonging · 2 years
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ABC’s of Jason Todd: Z
I’ll put this all into one masterlist as the list comes together. Let me know how you like it with comments, reblogs, and likes!
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Z: Zippidee-do-da (Jason’s Phrases)
Dick was the Robin with the old-fashioned quips. They drove Bruce crazy when the tiny acrobat wouldn’t stop coming up with new ones. Occasionally, at unofficial family dinners and rooftop meetings, Dick would let one fly and the rest of the family would groan or giggle… take turns smacking him upside the back of his head. The others stuck to their own versions of wit and annoying catchphrases. But one case, working with Bruce, it was Jason who let one fly. And it almost broke the Batman.
The interrogation was tense. More than once, Bruce had to step in front of Jason so he didn’t clobber the extremely loyal henchman tied to the pillar by his ankles. Adrenaline was running high, and somebody was going to make a mistake soon if something didn’t clear the air.
“I don’t care if you break my wrists, cut out my tongue, or skin me… I don’t know anything about Black Mask or what he’s up to these days. Even if I did, I still wouldn’t tell you.” For good measure, he stuck out his tongue childishly. Jason stepped forward and he sucked his tongue back in. “What ever you have planned, it’s a wonderful day in my books.” With that, he sat back on his heels and waited for the next wave of questions. Bruce rolled his shoulders back in equal preparation.
“Well isn’t that just zippidi-do-da for you, pal,” Jason said.
Bruce turned away from the henchman to hide the crack in his usual grimace. It was a long five seconds before he could turn around again. They did eventually get the information they needed, without the shed of blood much to Jason’s chagrin. But he brought up the fact that he cracked the Batman frequently for the next several months.
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hecate-hollow · 2 months
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The Wayne kids aren’t mafia, but individually they’re scary enough for people to assume they are. Everyone knows Brucie Wayne is the biggest himbo ever and his kids are running everything from the shadows. It’s like…a given. Seriously have you seen his kids? Tim’s even the CEO at 18.
Dick is beloved. Everywhere he goes kids practically flock to him, but people have seen him slam one too many possible child predators into a wall with the most threatening smile for them to think he’s all sunshine and rainbows.
One time, a mother asked for his help because his daughter was missing and the police wouldn’t help. Dick made one call (to Tim or Oracle), and the child was back by the end of the day and an entire trafficking ring was taken down. When asked he simply smiled and denied any involvement but said he was over joyed that one more trafficking ring was out of their city.
Jason Todd is Crime Alley’s hero. More so than anyone else, he has directed funds to help the area he called home before being taken in by Wayne. He died, but no one actually believes that. The Wayne children’s “mafia” had him doing something under cover. And while dick is all threat with a smile, Jason is Threaten with a frown. He can send people running with just a look.
someone noticed that Jason is always strapped. Man has no less than 5 weapons and one is always a gun. He doesn’t hide it, kids always ask him question and Jason always stops to answer them if he has the time. Even shows kids a few moves if they need to defend themselves. For whatever reason people don’t connect hood to Jason, but they definitely think Jason is funding hood.
Tim is the most relatable. Certified genius and always down to help kids with homework. Sometimes he’ll camp out in a cafe for the day. Without fail his location gets leaked and by mid afternoon he’s put away his WE work to tutor any students who have walked in.
He’s always tired, always has coffee, and always gives people a smile, but he knows too much. Rumor is that nothing happens in this town without Timothy Jackson Drake-Wayne knowing. One time he was taking a break at the park, scrolling through his phone when a group approached him clearly intent on kidnapping him. Before they even got close Tim was reciting their social security number, their cell phones, the names of their loved ones, and their address.
When Tim looked up it was with a tired smirk that clearly came across as a warning. He then stood, slipped a business card onto the bench, and told them if they need work to call this number and their reps will help them find something regardless of their past record.
Rumor has it the downfall of the most recent corrupt socialite was completely orchestrated by Tim.
Damian is a little gremlin that has the family wrapped around his finger. At first their were rumors of infighting between the two youngest (Tim and Damian), but then how could that be possible when at the first sign of trouble Timothy materializes out of the shadows wearing his mother’s smile that promised social and financial ruin if you so much as looked at his baby brother wrong.
Dick flat out punched a man in the face for calling Damian a terrorist. The “victim” was high society and swore up and down that their would be a law suit, but Tim took care of it with a few photos and screen shots of an affair that would have ruined the man in question.
Damian has scary dog privilege on his own, but it’s a whole new ballpark when Jason is out with him. Apparently someone tried to kidnap Damian on the way to meet up with Jason and the bats didn’t even need to be called. Jason took care of it before they even got the kid in the van.
Damian is a violent little thing. Everyone knows, even if it was never announced, that he got it from where ever he had been living before, so they always gave him a little leeway, especially since his violent tendencies were decreasing…at least physically. Damian can, will, and regularly verbally eviscerates anyone who wrongs him. It’s impressive as it is scary. This kid looks at you like he can read every insecurity you’ve ever had and is not afraid to air it to the world while also insulting you into the grave.
Individually they’re terrifying, but the reason that they’re still Gotham’s golden family is because together the goofiest fucking people you have ever seen in your life (also the endless amount of charity work they do together as a family). When all four siblings are together they always end up trending and it’s always the funniest shit you’ve ever seen.
During the first major snow when all of the streets were shut down the Wayne Boys were out in all terrain jeeps shredding it up dragging someone behind them on ski’s or a snowboard
Somehow, all four boys were spotted trekking across town covered in a rainbow of colored powder. When someone enquired they admitted to getting into a rather harmless prank war with the currently reformed Ivy and Harleen Quiznel. If asked they totally won, but the fact that no part of any of the boys was uncovered said otherwise.
Dick once asked social media to help him track down Tim because he hadn’t slept in 3 days and was not supposed to leave the house. He’d been spotted at a cafe he doesn’t usually frequent and anyone around to witness the retrieval would later say it was the cleanest covert op they’d ever witnessed from the Wayne boys. Jason was the get away driver, dick was on retrieval duty, and Damian was there to make sure their route in and out was clear (hold open the door). Tim was recorded yelling every creative non curse (because no cursing in front of Damian, Alfred said so) under the sky, struggling in the arms of Dick Grayson who was smiling bright enough to rival the sun. 3 minutes in and out. The video screen shots are still used as a meme template to this day.
Brucie Wayne gets asked about his boys in interviews a lot. There are a lot of times where he’s only finding out about their shenanigans due to the interview question, but he just smiles and says he’s happy they’re all getting along while mentally planning out how to deal with them later.
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strange-birb · 5 months
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Based on og bost by @thethirdtriplet
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Order left to right pic 1 lolz
Damian, cass, dick, duke, Tim, Steph :)
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sleepy-cone · 10 months
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Bruce still does the tooth fairy thing for the kids.
The bats are constantly losing and having to replace their teeth. Because you don't get hit, kicked, and thrown on your face almost every other night and keep all your teeth.
So imagine early on when Duke first stays at the manor. He comes in saying how he was thrown into a car and lost a tooth on patrol.
They tell him to put it under his pillow for the tooth fairy. He laughs it off like , "OkaY, the tOotH fAirY."
The next morning at breakfast
Dick: "How much did you get?"
Duke: "Get what?"
Dick: "From the tooth fairy?"
Duke: "Oh, haha, right."
Steph: "?...Wait...Bruce?!"
Jason: "Why didn't he get anything??"
Bruce: "Don't ask me. The tooth fairy probably couldn't find it."
Duke: "You're not joking? You were serious about leaving my tooth?"
Tim: "Yeah, B always leaves money."
Bruce: "Untrue. The tooth fairy leaves money to children who lose a tooth. Not me."
Jason: "Yeah, whatever, anyway, make sure you let him or Alfred know when you lose a tooth and leave it out when you go to bed.
Bruce: "Alfred and I have no say in the tooth fairy's actions."
Tim: "We've caught him on camera, but he insists to deny."
Bruce: "Or perhaps you caught a clever disguse made to trick you?"
Dick: "... Just leave it out tonight, Duke."
Duke: "Okay, I guess I'll leave it out then?"
Bruce: "Somewhere the tooth fairy can find it easily, Is what I assume they would want."
Steph: "Smooth."
Damian *walking in*: "Father, thank you for the extra cash. This will go to the new treats I wanted to try for Batcow."
Bruce: "It wasn't me, thank the tooth fairy."
Damian: "... Yes, the tooth fairy. Thank you tooth fairy."
Bruce: "I think the tooth fairy appreciates that, Damian."
Everyone: *sigh*
(Cass is there the whole time casually eating because only Bruce knows that she sometimes will sneak in the rooms first to wait for him.)
Cass when Bruce finds her in the darkness of her sibling's rooms: "😃"
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soupysoot · 8 months
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i had shown a picture of Jason to my mother and she quote on quote said, "damn, why is he built like a big van."
now that comparison has never left my mind. It shows up everytime i see Jason.
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Pathetic creature (affectionate)
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dc-and-damirae · 10 months
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random hero: aren't you embarrassed about being related to the villain red hood?
Dick: honestly, I'm more embarrassed about being related to Tim
*Tim walks in covered in glitter and offers no explanation*
Jason watching on the monitors at his safe house: lol
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flamingpudding · 3 months
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Guys it's just merch
Danny watched with a smile hidden behind his mug of hot cocoa his new family. Originally he was only going to mess with them a little, since he wanted to keep his civilian live he gained with them but at the same time wanted to kind of provoke them to tell him about their night time jobs on their own.
Not like he could just flat out tell them he knew about their vigilantes lifes and that would be embarrassing to explain.
It's not every day that Danny's powers fluked on him, but with the stress of the past months, it happened. Right at a moment, he had to be clumsy and trip over his own feet and accidentally phased through a grandfather's clock, finding a hidden passage. Well at least he learned that way that Batman hadn't placed him with some other rich fruitloop that wasn't his godfather but well... with Batman himself and his family out of mask.
Yeah no, he did not want to explain that and hoped they would do that themselves. But apparently, they took Danny's statement of wanting a normal life a bit too serious.
Which brought him back to his current entertainment in the form of messing with his siblings.
"I don't get what the problem is guys. It's just merch." He chuckled slightly at the face Damian was making. While Jason chose to kick Tim under the table.
"Soooo how much merch on Red Robin do you have with this shirt now?" Dick asked instead with a bright smile, Danny still hadn't figured out how to tell what emotion he hid behind them sometimes.
"I think this is my third shirt of him." Danny mused, placing his cup back on the table and tapping his lip in a thinking motion. "Though I was going to pick up a couple of custom-made jackets of Red Hood and a Nightwing plush later today."
He acted like he did not hear the triumph like hiss of 'yes' from Jason as well as the very upset huff of Damian.
He just grinned at the amusement about how they apparently were competing over how much merch he owned of each of them.
When he found a Robin figure and several Robin pins mysteriously placed on his desk the next morning, he broke out laughing. Yet still just to mess with them gushed about his newly gotten merch to his family while sharing a knowing look with Alfred who knew he was just messing with them.
If there was a surprising amount of Batman merch, suddenly mixed into what he already owned the following week without his knowledge. Well, he wasn't going to complain about free stuff.
But he still would get a good laugh out of their reactions on the day he decided to full on dawn every piece of Batman merge instead of theirs.
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supermxnthathoe · 4 months
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I love how all of the Batboys have a thing as Robin, except Jason.
Like, Dick was flexible and an incredible acrobat, even as a child.
Tim is super smart and literally figured everything out as a KID.
Damian came pre-trained and was a little murder monster.
And Jason was just...happy to be there. He stole a tire and found a father. Simple.
And I love him for that.
(THIS IS JUST JOKES YALL, I LOVE JASON 🫶🏾)
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qcomicsy · 1 year
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Dick "I was a terrible older brother and I need to make up for it" Grayson and Jason "for the love of god leave me the fuck alone" Todd.
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webshood · 16 days
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Wayne's social media where all Tim does is be everyone's 1# hater (accidentally deleted it lol)
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It always backfires with Bruce
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fcthots · 6 months
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OKAY SO. I was thinking abt Jason fucking you raw for the first time and he's all dizzy and giddy when he puts it in and he has to like pause for a sec because if he moves he's 99% sure he's gonna cum and like YEAH. i need this man BADLY. anyways...
-💌
This came out more cracky than I intended
"Fuck, Jason. Move."
"Can't."
"What the fuck do you mean you can't? If you don’t hurry up and fuck me-'
'I mean if I move I'm gonna cum."
"You haven't even been inside me for a full minute."
"Shut up. You feel so good. Can't help it. Gimme a minute."
"Jason," you whine, "please."
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fanaticalthings · 1 year
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I know Jason always calls Dick the "Golden child" and in comics tends to paint him as this unbeatable person in terms of morals/goodness in his head, which makes Jason feel inferior and not good enough..
but I think it'd be so fucking funny if instead of Jason thinking he'll never be as good as Dick, it's actually him just mocking his brother around others, because Jason 100% remembers Dick on multiple occasions offering his 12yo self weed while Bruce wasn't around, and he's the only sibling with the knowledge that Dick wasn't this "holier than thou, I make no mistakes and am perfect" child, which is why Jason keeps praising to the younger batfam members on how Dick is so perfect KNOWING that Dick was absolutely not that.
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cyrwrites · 10 months
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Free Hugs
Danny feels cheated somehow. When he'd detected a ghost in Gotham, he had prepared to throw hands almost immediately, like he used to do in his hometown. Instead, he got this.
Every. Single. Time. Red Hood would not. Stop. Hugging. Him.
Danny was not aware that he was teddy bear shaped, but Red Hood seemed pretty convinced that he had to hug him on sight.
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strange-birb · 6 months
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I had too… I just had too
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hoshi-nya · 1 month
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a fast draw of jay kissing roy atfer the gitar solo, i really think they would be a wild couple on the stage hehe
this beautiful au is from @strange-birb I love her!! and all this "the secret band"
ps: I love to think that in this UA they are not vigilant so that every time Tim hangs on stage Bruce will have a heart attack hahahahah
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