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#jeff the baby land shark
illyanarasputinfan · 1 year
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Magik wants a pet.
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pqrachel · 4 months
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I found a warmup style I actually like! I'm gonna use it to post some simpler art sketches that way I can work on bigger art pieces without having to post a bunch of work in progress pieces just to keep the daily art streak going.
:D
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kimmycupcreates · 6 months
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Kimmy crafts: this is a Jeff I did for an art exchange a while back. Prompt was Jeff tangled up in fairy lights and I couldn't just draw like a normal person, I had to MAKE HIM.
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And as a bonus process picture, this is what a prototype looked like. Yes. Very green.
But he had a ball to play with.
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finemeal · 2 months
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I clearly have a problem and MUST be stopped-
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Curse you Hunting Heroes people who encouraged this behavior! Also curse Tumblr for lowering the resolution - sadge (also, if you can't tell, I looked at LOTS of references of It's Jeff! comics)
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nameforthemain · 1 year
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It's Jeff #18 (Issue 6 of season 2)
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why-i-love-comics · 1 year
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the costumes of Jeff the Landshark
It's Jeff!: Infinity Comic #18 (2022) written by Kelly Thompson art by Gurihiru
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jeff-the-landshark · 7 months
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Jeff needs a funko pop
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Mrrrrr!! mrrrr!!
[Jeff agrees!! he's even picked out some poses for his funko pop to have!!]
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tj-crochets · 11 months
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A shark baby blanket to go with Jeff the Land Shark for one of my MTH 2022 auction winners!
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atypical-snowman · 1 year
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Alligator Loki #15
Dog Park
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That stupid Jeff the land shark post will never die. But you know what
LONG LIVE THE KING
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illyanarasputinfan · 2 years
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What one Marvel character do you want to see Magik team up with?
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Jeffrey the First of His Name of the Former Staten Island AKA Jeff the Baby Land Shark
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I think Jeff had a negative first impression of Illyana, and I’d like to see them reconcile.
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Deadpool #6 (2020) MARVEL
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eyesclosed27 · 1 year
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JEFF!! THE BOY!!
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dirtyvulture · 7 months
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Peeping Jeff
Natasha Romanoff x Reader*
18+ only, read at your own risk
Summary: You and Natasha have some fun when an uninvited guest stops by.
Word count: 2095
AN: Reader has a penis, no pronouns used.
No land sharks were harmed in the writing of this fic.
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“Eyes on me,” Natasha says.
“Yes, ma’am,” you say, as if you’ll dare disobey her. Not when she’s dressed in the thinnest pair of black lingerie she owns and is currently rotating slowly around the stripper pole she had installed in the bedroom almost a month ago. It was probably the best investment the two of you ever made, and even Tony had to comment on its usefulness when he brought the contractors in.
You settle back in the bed, ready for your private show. You’re only wearing your boxers now and the bulge between your legs continues to tent as Natasha scales up the pole almost to the ceiling. She wraps her legs around it, wedging it in the crook of her knee to hold her weight while she lets go with her arms, leaning back until her hair cascades in a fiery red wave. 
“Don’t touch yourself,” Natasha warns when she sees your hand moving towards your own crotch. You can’t always help yourself; seeing your girlfriend like this demands an attention that she is too far away to provide. You sigh in frustration, but force your hands back to your sides.
Natasha slides down the pole a few feet, tilting back until her head is lower than the rest of her body. Your eyes focus on her perfect breasts ready to spill out of their delicate cage and how perfectly they press together when she moves. 
She suddenly releases her hold on the pole with her legs and she drops to the floor.
“Nat!” you cry, almost jumping off the bed until you see that she’s stopped herself just in time, now hovering inches off the floor. 
“I’m fine,” she snips, almost like she’s upset you thought she had so little strength and would hurt herself.
“Okay, okay.”
As Natasha continues her performance, neither of you notice that it’s now become a public showing when two dark beady eyes look through the crack of the bedroom door that you’ve accidentally left slightly ajar. The eyes widen when they see Natasha and the silver, shiny pole. But after a few moments, they are distracted by the rumbling in their belly and continue padding down the hall to the kitchen. 
By the time Natasha is off the pole and sauntering over to you, you’ve given up all restraint and are jerking yourself off in your boxers, stopping only when she climbs on top of you and grinds down on your crotch.
“Did you like my show?” Natasha asks, but it’s a pointless question.
“I loved it, baby,” you pant, tilting your head up desperately for a kiss. You don’t even notice she’s pulled your boxers off and her own panties until you suddenly feel her wetness brush against your cock. “Oh fuck, Nat.”
She sinks down without warning, enveloping you in perfect, silky heat. You buck up instinctively, trying to fit your entire length into her, the ache of arousal in the pit of your stomach slightly soothed as she surrounds you. 
Natasha locks her hands around your neck to steady yourself as you thrust into her. You press your face into her chest, inhaling the scent of her skin and wrapping your arms around her back to keep her close to you.
“Right there, baby,” she moans as you jack your hips up until they slap against hers. “Keep going, keep going.”
“You’re always so tight around me,” you grunt, twitching at the sound of your slick cock sliding in and out of her. “You’re so perfect, Nat. Every part of you.”
She hums in agreement, bouncing on your cock and causing the whole bed frame to shake. 
You hadn’t realized how turned on Natasha was over her own performance until her walls clamp around you, almost preventing you from pulling out, and her wetness dripping down your cock. You thrust up in one final, rough move, emptying yourself into her, your hips raised off the bed until your thighs are trembling from the effort before you collapse back down and Natasha rests on top of you. 
The two of you stay like that for a long time, until your alarm goes off, alerting you that you have to get ready for the next event.
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“I swear, we go to one of these a week,” Natasha says, snagging a martini from one of the passing waiters. She clinks it against your cocktail glass and the both of you take a sip in solidarity.
“You know Tony. Any excuse he has to party, he’ll put one on,” you respond, turning with her to face the crowd of people swaying on the dance floor. You swear you’ve never seen the same person twice at these parties and sometimes wonder if Tony just puts up a flier on the Internet advertising there’s a party at the Avengers Tower. It would explain the amount of times you’ve been asked to take pictures or sign autographs. 
“You tired?” you ask Natasha as she sighs and leans against your arm. 
“Not any more than usual.” You know she’s not a fan of these gatherings any more than you are.
“We can go soon,” you offer.
“It’s okay,” she says.
The two of you sit at the bar and try to avoid any other interactions. You bob your head absently to the beat of the music as Natasha drinks another martini. Bruce comes over, trying to strike up a conversation with Natasha as you glare at him with your arm looped firmly around her waist. 
“Tony said he had a surprise for tonight,” Bruce says. 
“Is it going to happen anytime soon? It’s almost our bed time,” Natasha yawns.
As if on cue, the music suddenly stops and the lights flash on to their full power. The crowd on the dance floor murmurs their annoyance as Tony appears on the DJ’s stage.
“Thank you to everyone who came out tonight!” he says. “I know I host a lot of these, and I’m always trying new things to keep them interesting. Behold, my latest addition to the Stark party experience!”
Tony holds his hands up, and the spotlights direct to a panel on the ceiling that slides back. Something silver and shiny pokes down, slowly revealing itself to be a singular, metal pole. It takes a second for it to click what it is. 
“Oh God,” Natasha says, shaking her head.
“Is that a stripper pole?” Bruce asks.
“Yep,” you answer. “I wonder if he got the idea from the one we had installed in our room–”
Bruce turns on you incredulously. “Wait, you have a–”
“Who wants to give it a try?” Tony asks as the lights dim, all focus on the shiny silver pole now. No one in the crowd moves at first. 
“I will give it a go!” a deep voice booms and Thor comes forward as people begin cheering and clapping for him.
“Oh, this will be good,” Natasha comments. You move closer to get a better view of your co-worker as he steps up to the pole, sizing it up for a few seconds before grabbing onto it firmly. Women start cheering as Thor hesitantly swings himself around the pole, as if he doesn’t trust such a flimsy object to support him, but with the encouragement of the crowd, he gains some confidence and starts to dance as if the pole is his partner.
“Only Tony could come up with something like this,” you say, impressed at how flexible the god of thunder is.  
“This is definitely going online,” Bruce notes, counting the number of cellphones people have out to capture the moment.
“You want to give it a try, Nat?” you tease.
“Nope. Because that’s a show for you only,” she says, pressing against you to give you a quick kiss on the cheek.
“All right, all right, give it up for the god of thunder!” Tony says, gesturing for Thor to leave center stage as the crowd of women swarm him from your view. “Who’s up next?” His eyes sweep across the room, searching for another victim. You accidentally make eye contact with him and your heart drops as he points to you. “Come on over, Y/N–” 
“Mrrrr.” 
You pause mid-step as everyone hears the same noise echo in the room. It’s one you’re more than familiar with, but you aren’t quite sure it’s the right one you’ve heard until you see Jeff the land shark, in his one-foot tall glory, waddling towards center stage.
Murmurs carry around as the little shark approaches the silver pole and gives it a few sniffs.
“Is that Jeff?”
“What is he doing here?”
“Is he even old enough to be here?”
“Mrrrr!” he huffs indignantly at that last comment. When you pause to think about it, you aren’t really sure what Jeff’s age is. While he is a great deal smaller than his terrifying, fully-grown counterparts, rumor had it that Jeff aged just the same but simply did not outgrow his smaller form. So for all you knew, he was perfectly of age to be at a Tony Stark party.
“Give it up for Jeff the land shark!” Tony exclaims, increasing the volume of the music. 
“Go, Jeff!” you shout and Natasha smacks your shoulder. “Ow, what was that for?”
“Do not encourage him! He’s just a baby and probably shouldn’t even be here–”
“We don’t know that for sure,” you defend.  
“Watch him be better than Thor,” Bruce says.
Jeff stands on his hind legs to inspect the pole; you wonder if he has the grip strength to lift himself up. Natasha had lectured you on the difficulties of her new hobby, even offering you the opportunity to try it yourself, and while you were plenty strong, you had no flexibility or grace, thus resulting in a less-than-stellar show for her. 
However, Jeff is already showing you up as he clutches onto the pole tightly with his fingers, pushing off the ground with his back feet and using his momentum to swing around the pole with his round body.
People scream and cheer at his first attempt. He steadies himself, carefully inching up the pole until he is at a height where everyone in the room could see him. He tilts his head back as he spins around the pole again, almost like he’s in slow-motion. You had no idea a land shark could be this graceful or fluid. 
Everyone is entranced by his performance, as Jeff flaps his tail to propel himself faster around the pole. He dips back until he’s almost upside-down, before he lessens his grip on the pole just enough to come sliding down at a speed that drops your heart, but he stops before his head touches the floor. 
The applause is raucous.  
“Isn’t that what I did last night?” Natasha says suddenly, but you’re too enthralled to respond. 
“He’s better than you, Nat,” you tease with a nudge. Jeff climbs up the pole again, then clamps his jaws around it, swinging his round body out in a move you can only describe as being the land shark version of a human flag–one of the most difficult calisthenic exercises you’ve ever tried to learn. But whereas it took you months of intensive training to achieve a human flag for even 5 seconds, Jeff seems to have flawless core strength as he holds his body out, perfectly perpendicular to the floor. 
“YEAH, JEFF!” you scream, scaring Natasha. You’re probably one of the few people here who truly understand the difficulties of the exercise, and you want to make sure Jeff’s feat is appropriately appreciated.  
Jeff takes the pole in his hands again, twirling around it while pausing in several positions with his legs split or kicked out. He mimes walking on air for a few seconds during his descent and if the crowd hadn’t been loud already, you’re pretty sure they’re going to shatter the windows. Jeff lands safely on the floor, bounding up and bowing as people take pictures and continue to cheer. 
“I wonder where he learned how to do that,” Bruce says, clapping his hands.
“Yes,” Natasha agrees, a strange realization dawning on her but she’s too embarrassed to say it out loud. She will have to make sure the bedroom door is properly closed and locked from now on. “I wonder…”  
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AN: Special thanks to @nameforthemain for this beautiful sketch that inspired this fic!
Please like, reblog, and comment! Follow for more content. 🥰
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Loan Shark, a Prohibition-era Landshark Frankenplush by Cat's Chimerical Creations
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Like what I do? Please consider supporting me on https://ko-fi.com/catschimericalcreations and you'll help me keep creating cuddly Landshark stuffies with funny little Al Capone hats
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nc-vb · 9 months
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𝐌𝐚𝐧𝐠𝐚, 𝐌𝐚𝐧𝐡𝐰𝐚, & 𝐌𝐚𝐧𝐡𝐮𝐚 𝐑𝐞𝐜𝐬
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a long time coming that I've meant to compile a list, but it just kept growing and growing and growing...
the webtoon list includes my very personal & important in-my-heart recommendations. aaaaand the rest are mostly smutty, kinky, and even a little dark.......... do not perceive, just enjoy. and support the official author's work and translations if you can!!
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if there are any in this list you'd like a heads up about before reading, feel free to drop me an ask and I'll give you my honest opinion/review.
if you're having trouble locating anything, shoot me an ask (because i have most, if not all, of the links saved).
and feel free to gush to me if you liked any of them!! i'm always happy to talk about mmm's.
[updated july 3rd, 2023] - newly added titles are in green.
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𝐵𝐿 = boy's love genre 𝐆𝐋 = girl's love genre 𝟏+ = includes harems & poly relationships ❤ = absolute masterpieces, highly recommended! ! = proceed with extreme caution/heed all warnings
please heed all warnings and tags found within each of these recommendations, as well as my own warnings from the symbol legend above and found throughout this post.
some of these are sfw and some aren't. some of these aren't for the faint of heart and will be marked to be read at your own risk. additionally, not all are translated into English. 𝐵𝐿/𝐆𝐋 are separate from the general list.
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𝐖𝐄𝐁𝐓𝐎𝐎𝐍
A Messy Fairy Tale 𝟏+
A Summer Night's Dream
Age Matters ❤
Back to You
Bailin and Li Yun BL❤
Bitten Contract
Boyfriend of the Dead
Castle Swimmer BL
City of Blank
Dating With a Tail
Daytime Star
Devil Number 4 ❤
Devilish Romance
Down to Earth
Dreaming Freedom
Ghost Wife
Ghostly Buddie
Half-Ghost
Harem of LuuAnh
Hello Baby ❤
I'm the Grim Reaper
I Love Yoo ❤
It's Mine
Jeff's Disorders
Kind of Confidential
Little Rain
Lore Olympus ❤
Love Advice from the Great Duke of Hell ❤
Mage & Demon Queen GL
Marry Me!
Maybe Meant to Be
Meow Man
Midnight Poppy Land
Midnight Rain
Mom, I'm Sorry
Morgana and Oz
Muse on Fame
My Beloved Emperor
My Dear Cold-Blooded King
My Four Husbands 𝟏+
My In-Laws are Obsessed with Me ❤
My Lovely Bodyguard
Nice to Meet You
Not Even Bones
Operation: True Love ❤
Pastel-colored Pages
Phase
Scorching Romance
See You in My 19th Life ❤
Selina ~ Moon Bride ~
Siren's Lament ❤
Soleil
Space Boy
Strange and Wild
SubZero
Swimming Lessons for a Mermaid ❤
Take Off BL
The Devil is a Handsome Man
The First Night With the Duke ❤
The Guy Upstairs
The Newlywed Diary of a Witch and a Dragon ❤
The RUNWAY
There Must Be Happy Endings
To the Stars and Back BL
Trapped ❤
Unlovable Replacement
When Jasy Whistles ❤❤
Winter Woods
Your Smile is a Trap ❤
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𝐒𝐅𝐖
Abe-kun's Got Me Now! (Abe-kun ni Nerawaretemasu)
A Master, Who Woke Up As a Concubine ❤
And Yet, You Are So Sweet (Na no ni, Chigira-kun amasugiru)
Beloved in-Laws (poor transl.)
Bon Appétit ❤
Don't Blush, Sekime
Forget My Husband, I'll Go Make Money (Aug 2023)
Golden Forest !
I, My, Me, Mine ❤ (アイマイミーマイン)
I Became the Male Lead's Adopted Daughter
I Can't Keep Up With My Stallion Duke ❤❤
I Will Change the Genre
I Will Rewrite the Dead End Novel
In the Clear Moonlit Dusk ❤ (Uruwashi no Yoi no Tsuki)
It's My Destiny to Be the Hero's Saviour !
Kubo Won't Let Me Be Invisible
Love's in Sight!
Loving Yamada at Lv 999 ❤❤❤
Male Lead, I'll Respect Your Taste !
Ookami no Musume ❤❤
Pink and Habanero ❤ (Pink to Habanero)
Protected by My Dragon Knight (Seijo wa Ryuukishi-sama ni Mamorarete)
Scary Faced High Schooler and Miss Plain Jane
Second Life of a Trash Princess
Sinking too deep in your rabbit hole, now I'm drowning in your love
Stella Next to Me ❤ (Tonari no Stella)
The Cunning Princess and the Shark ❤
The Fragrant Flower Blooms With Dignity ❤ (Kaoru Hana wa Rin to Saku)
The Muscle Girl Next Door
The Obsessive Second Male Lead Has Gone Wild
The Reasons We Fall in Love ❤ (Watashi-tachi ga koisuru riyuu)
The Tyrant's Comfort Doll !
To the Dear F-Phantom of the Opera (Shinai naru F e: Opera-za no Kaijin)
Toilet-Bound Hanako-kun ❤ (Jibaku Shounen Hanako-kun)
Vampire Lord's Greatest Wife ❤
Welcome to the Yandere Cafe (rating subject to change)
Yojouhan no Ibara Hime
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𝐍𝐎𝐓 𝐒𝐅𝐖
あざと可愛い✕くんの執着サド交尾は本物です x!!!
無能力巫女は狛犬の淫紋快楽漬け x❤!
2LDK IKEMEN Tsuki Bukken Arimasu !!
A Dream Between the Sheets ❤❤
A Gentle Sea Monster and a Lonely Girl !
A Predator in a Skirt !
A Sip of Poison !
Boy's Abyss (subject to change, new read) !!
Childhood Friend's Secret Massage !
Consort to the Fox Spirit Lord
Dark Fall !
Depths of Malice !
Devoured by a Bookworm Girl !
Fire in His Fingertips ❤
Former Delinquent Farmer's Sex Appeal is Dangerous!
From Him to Who? ~Sex With My Body-Snatched Husband ❤
Gokudou to Omega - Mukidashi no Katsuai
Hana's Demons of Lust !
Hare-kon 𝟏+
Heat 200 Meters Away (200 M Saki no Netsu)
Honey, I'm Going On a Strike!
How to Make a Frigid Girl Cum
I'm in Love With Mr. Hanabusa
Lady K and the Sick Man ❤❤
Last Order wa Ojou-san de Dekiai Jouren Kyaku ni Kyuuai saretemasu
Junai - Pure Wet Love
Kuma to Tora ~Taikakusa Osananajimi no Hajimete kara, Kemono ni Naru 2-kakan made~ x
Madoka Exorcist ❤!
Mede Little Roy !
Mr. Tada is a Top Performer
Muttsuri Akazukin-kun kara wa nige rarenai
My Cold Co-worker Obsessively Loves Me
Pet Baby Doll
Pygmalion's Savior is a Big But Immature Love Monster !❤
Red Hot Proposal: Surrounded by His Tanned Body
Sadistic Beauty !!!!
Sakaki the Lazybones Shows His Talents at Night ❤❤
Sapphire Dew ~ Infatuated Gentlemanly Boyfriend Seizes the Initiative !
Seishun no Hekireki
Seriously can't pass this up. - Kohai's passionate sex won't stop until morning
Sinful Nun Pays Penitence to the Serpent ❤❤
Spring Amidst My Wintertide ❤
Superstitious Nine ❤
Sweet Lies Layered Like a Mille Feuille ❤
Tadano Renai Nanka de Kikkonai ❤❤
The Golden Forest !
The Goldfish’s Corpse Lies at the Bottom of the Swamp !!!!!!!!
The Greengrocer is a Carnivore in Bed!?
The Man Who Saved Me in My Isekai Trip Was a Killer!!!!!!!
The Neighbor in Room 203 Disappeared Leaving a Key Behind !!!!!!!
The Reincarnated Saint Falls for the Demon Lord
The Tainted Half !
The Virgin Witch
The Weird Senior in the Seat Next to Me ❤❤❤! (Tonari Senpai)
Toshishita Osananajimi ga Watashi o Shibatte Hanasa nai! x
Totem's Realm
Touching is Better Than Looking
Under the Oak Tree
Until the Obedient Bodyguard Exposes the Body and the Lie of the Fake Lady ❤
"Wanna Cum?" The Pure Taiga Advances Slow and Sweet ❤❤
Welcome to the Muscle Salon ❤❤❤
When Beauty Meets Beasts
When You Are Reincarnated As The villain NPC's Girl And Be Loved By The Strongest Prince Who Is Not A Capture Target !!
Wild Eyes
Will You Pledge Your Love to an Incubus?
Wish Upon a Husband
Yaba Ai Instructor !
You're Too Cute for Me to Be Gentle
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𝐁𝐋 𝐍𝐎𝐓 𝐒𝐅𝐖 𝐑𝐄𝐂𝐒
4 Week Lovers BL
A Handless Day BL!
A Hot Wet Job for Three -Adult Toy Tester- BL, 𝟏+
A Kiss for You, My Shinobi BL
A Tree Without Roots BL❤!
Angel Buddy BL❤❤
Bidou Wakadanna Koi Shitau Wa Koushoku Otoko BL❤
Bitten by Moonlight BL
Black Mirror BL!!!
Blind Play BL!!
Can't Think Straight BL
Cherry Blossoms After Winter BL
Confession Night BL
Dangerous Convenience Store BL
Dawn of the Dragon BL
Dear Door BL
DEATH or LOVE BL
Delinquent Omega Belongs to the Beast King BL
Demon of Lustful Hell BL
Desharow Merman BL❤
Die If You Aren't a Virgin BL
Eat Me Up, My Husband BL!
Ennead
Eunsoo's Good Day BL
Eye Contact BL
Fake Fact Lips BL
Frenemies: Thicker Than Blood BL❤
Friends, Engaged
Fucking in the Dorms BL!
Ghost Gate BL!!!!!
Healing Paradox BL❤
He's a Better Top Than Me?! BL
Home Far Away BL❤!!!
Horeta Otoko wa Shin'yuu de BL!
Housekeeper's Love Affair BL
How to convince your best friend to sleep with you BL
Hyperventilation BL❤❤❤
I Didn't Ask You to Eat Me!
I Love You, Nothing Else Matters BL❤
In an Empty Classroom BL
Indigo BL
I Ship My Rival x Me BL
It's Just a Dream... Right? BL❤❤❤
Jinx BL!
Kabukicho Bad Trip BL
Kiss de Egaku Ittousei BL❤
Kiss Me, Liar BL!
Lala no Kekkon BL!
Liveta BL
Love in Kitsch BL
Love is an Illusion BL!
Love Jinx BL❤
Low Tide in Twilight BL!!
Mad Dog BL❤❤
Miscreants and Mayhem BL
Missing Love BL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (<I cannot express this enough.)
My Delicious Dream Boy BL❤
My Demon Crybaby, Maria BL
My Partner Suddenly Got Younger - An Omega Caretaker Plays Alpha BL!
Natsu no Teppen ni Saku BL
Old-Fashioned Cupcake BL❤❤ (has a j-drama)
Pain, Sweet Pain BL
Passion BL
Payback BL❤❤❤
Pearl Boy BL❤!!!!!!
Pink Heart Jam BL❤❤
Please, Candy! BL!
Roses and Champagne BL!
Sadistic Beauty: Side Story BL!!!!!!
Secret Inside My Head BL❤❤❤
Semantic Error BL (has a j-drama)
Sensei wa Nekketsu ga Areba Juubunda! BL!
Sick BL
Sign BL❤❤❤
Sketch BL❤
Speak of the Devil BL
Steel Under Silk BL❤
Surge Looking for You BL❤
Sweet Trap BL
Tabetemo Oishiku Arimasen BL
Tentacle Recipe BL(?)❤
The Blessed Life of a Retired Nian Monster BL
The Crybaby's at the Mean Devil's Mercy BL❤
The Foxy Mouse's Romance BL
The Origin of Species BL!
The Pizza Delivery Man and the Gold Palace BL
The Pure-Hearted Puppy and the Erotic Tattoo BL❤
The Silent Concubine BL!
The Unquenchable Mr. Kim BL❤
The Words in Your Snare BL❤❤❤
To Take An Enemy's Heart BL!
Tomodachi Engagement BL
Trick Turned Into a Threesome With the Tachibana Brother BL
Under the Greenlight BL
Unexpectedly Naughty Fukami BL❤
Unromantic Romance BL❤
Young Lover BL!!
Your Wish is My Command BL❤
Yours to Claim BL
Zenryaku, Onii-chan wa Seijo ni Narimashita BL!
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more recommendations will likely be added as time goes on! feel free to copy these recs for your own checklist of 'to reads'.
hope you enjoy them like i did! :)
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freedomfireflies · 2 years
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hi! can i request a blurb where harry’s gf is a surfer and gets attacked by a shark while he’s on tour? idk i’ve just been really into shark videos and harry is <3 so caring so kind
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“Where is she? Where—well, which fucking room?”
The sound of the loud, angry, and incredibly British request trickling into the small hospital room brings a flush to your cheeks.
You had anticipated his outrage, but you can’t quite say you’re prepared to face the wrath of Scary Harry.
“Oh, for fuck’s sake,” is the first thing out of his mouth as his eyes land on where you’re tucked into bed. 
Offering a sheepish smile, you scoot further under the covers, calling a timid, “Don't be mad, okay?”
“Don’t be—” A scoff. Incredulous. He moves further into the room before flinging his incredibly sparkly jacket into one of the tiny chairs near the wall. “Are you fucking kidding me right now?”
“Well—" Your smile widens, which only aids in further exaggerating his fury. “Oh, relax. I’m fine—”
“I told you not fucking go,” he reminds you before running a hand through the once perfectly styled curls atop his head. Now, they’re disheveled and falling onto his forehead as he tugs. “I—shit.”
“Harry,” you repeat, straightening up once again as you bite back a laugh. “I am fine. He barely got my arm—”
“Oh, really?” A bitter snort, and soon, he’s reaching his fingers around your wrist to pry your arm from the bed and into the air between you.
Your eyes fall toward the bandage wrapped around your elbow as he thrusts his chin forward.
“They don’t just give out band-aids for no fucking reason unless it’s medically necessary.” He leans back. Point proven.
Your eyes narrow. “Okay, well, it’s not a band-aid. It’s gauze.” You tug your hand free. “And second…it’s a little scratch and it’s gonna leave a bitchin’ scar. So, I don’t really see—”
“Do you know how fucking scary it was to get told you had been taken to the hospital?” His words are sharp. Irate. And you can feel the guilt slowly creeping its way up your neck. “Just coming down for a pee and Jeff says, ‘Oh, hey, by the way. A shark tried to bite her fucking arm off and now she might be dead.’”
The urge to laugh becomes stronger, and as Harry watches you tug your lip between your teeth, his scowl deepens.
“This isn’t fucking funny.”
“I know, I’m sorry,” you exhale, reaching out to grab his fingers and encourage him to sit on the bed beside you. “But…Jeff is incredibly dramatic. It didn’t try to eat me, it just—”
“I told you not to go,” Harry is quick to remind you, and you reward him with an exasperated huff.
“Yes, I’m aware. But in my defense…you were supposed to be there with me. So I could teach you how to get better—”
“Right, and then I’d get eaten.” His tone is bitter, but his eyes are alive with relief. “I don’t need to get better at surfing. That’s your specialty. My specialty is—”
“Is peeing in buckets under the stage, yes, I know,” you can’t help but tease, mostly in an attempt to smooth out that frown.
However, the only thing you truly succeed in doing is forcing another scoff from his throat as he leans away from you.
Oops.
“Har,” you whine now, extending your hands once more to try and tug him back to your side. “Come on, don’t be such a baby. I’m sorry I scared you, but I’m fine. I promise.”
His eyes are focused on the wall adjacent to the bed. Brows pulled together. Jaw clenching as his arms cross in front of his chest.
Like a little child.
And the sight brings a warm feeling to your chest. You scoot a tad closer now, moving onto your knees until you can crawl to his side and wrap your arms around his neck.
He keeps his head turned away.
“Baby, I’m sorry,” you whisper, ghosting your lips over his cheek. His breath hitches. You feel his resolve slowly start to crumble beneath your touch. “I promise I’m all right. And I promise I won’t swim there ever again. Ever, ever.”
“And?” He expects more.
You pause, lashes fluttering as you attempt to recall his previous warnings. “Uh…and I promise to wear skimpier bathing suits?”
His eyes roll. “No. I mean…yeah, but no.”
You sink down further into the mattress as you think. “Um…promise to let you be Ariel and wear the coconut bra?”
His head turns. “Seriously?”
You set the laugh free as you press a kiss to his tensed shoulder. “M’sorry, baby. Okay, what? What else am I missing?”
A beat. His muscles tighten as he glares at the dingy hospital floor beneath his glittery boots. 
And you wait, fingers rubbing soft circles into his skin until he sighs, and glances back over his shoulder. “Don’t fucking do dangerous shit when I can’t be there to help you.”
Oh.
Your eyes soften, now understanding his reaction. You’ve had this conversation many times. Perhaps too many, although clearly it didn’t stick very well.
It’s not that he’s upset with your surfing. In fact, he adores it. Every aspect of it. The way your face lights up when you catch the perfect wave. The way you call to him from your board as he waits on the shore. The way you reenact the Baywatch running scene whenever asked.
But there have been times, like tonight, when your tendency to go looking for trouble overlaps with his schedule.
And he’s never felt more helpless than knowing he’s trapped on a stage while you wait for him to save you.
Which, you had argued, wasn’t the case. Because you didn’t need him to save you, but you knew that wasn’t really the point, and had quickly agreed.
And then, apparently, immediately forgot.
“Right,” you murmur, reaching up to stroke your thumbs over his rigid jaw. 
“No more being stupid when I’m on stage,” he repeats. Firm. Yet laced with fear.
Your smirk rematerializes. You nod. “No more being stupid when you’re on stage.”
Another pause, his eyes flicking between yours before he sighs and reaches for your hip to tug you closer.
Teeth and tongues collide as he melts into your embrace, nearly forcing you onto his lap as you chuckle. 
“Don’t do that again,” he whispers after a moment, the request ushered into your bottom lip before he pulls back to bury his face in your neck. “Shit, please…please don’t do that again. Thought I was gonna fucking die.”
The mood has switched on a dime and your fingers fall to the hair at the nape of his neck as you run your palm down his skin. 
“Couldn’t…couldn’t get to you.” His voice is hoarse. Broken. Filled with the guilt of a man carrying the weight of your soul. “Fuck, never been so scared in my life. Thought I was gonna lose you.”
You can feel the burn in the back of your throat as the tears crawl their way up. “I know, Har. M’okay, I promise. Won’t do it again.”
“Good.” A soft kiss to the pulse point below your ear. “Cause I’ll feed you to the shark myself if you do.”
With that, you laugh again, slapping at his arm until he pulls back.
"Were you scared?" A hesitant question. One you're sure he's afraid to know the answer to.
You smile as you run your fingers down his cheek, shaking your head softly. "No. Not really. Maybe for a moment, but I knew I'd be okay. Knew you'd be there for me no matter what happened."
You notice the dark storm behind his eyes at this admission, anticipating the way he's already picturing the worst possible scenario.
"Harry," you warn, offering a stern look. "Don't do that. Fear is nothing more than a tool to help keep you alive. If I hadn't been at least a little afraid of losing you, then I wouldn't have found the strength to swim to shore."
"Shit." An angry hiss, his head attempting to turn away again, but you're quick to keep him focused on you. "Don't fucking tell me shit like that."
"I'm sorry." You lean down to press a gentle kiss to his lip, despite your smile. "But it's true. Nothing will ever keep me from you. Not even a big, stupid fish."
He grumbles his misgivings into the gentle kiss but does eventually melt into your touch.
And once he does, and the tense moment has subsided, you let your eyes trail down to his outfit. You’d previously seen photos from Lambert, but now…the real thing. Right in front of your eyes.
Sparkly, pink, and incredibly loud.
“Oh…my gosh.” Your palm flies to your mouth, the right words disappearing into thin air.
On stage, it looks incredible. Perfectly tailored for the show, for the atmosphere, for the crazy antics he and the crowd engage in.
But anywhere else…
“What?” His eyes move down to his chest. “Okay, well, you didn’t see it with the hat. The hat ties the whole thing together.”
Your lips roll into your mouth. “Mhm. Oh, I’m sure.”
“And the boa,” he continues, gesturing toward his neck. “Yeah. Adds some dimension.”
“Yeah.”
“Little spice.”
“Uh huh.”
“Yeah, you’ll see,” he tells you, and your brow quirks up. “Lambi let me borrow it so I could cheer you up while you’re stuck here.”
Well…shit.
“Oh, that’s…that’s so great,” you beam, teeth gritting together as Harry’s smug grin widens.
“Isn’t it? Nurse Harry, here to help.”
“Super.”
His hands move to the mattress, digging into the soft blanket beneath his palms as he leans forward, now incredibly close. 
Your breath hitches in your throat as you watch him eye your lips like candy. Nose brushing against your own as you breathe him in, desperate for what he might have in store.
“So…what do you say?” he murmurs, head tilting until you can nearly taste him. “Gonna let me take care of you?”
You smile. Maybe he’s not so bad after all.
“Sure thing, Ariel.”
“All right, you know what? I changed my fucking mind, the shark can have you.”
“Harry!”
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