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indelibleevidence · 1 year

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The Part that Needs to Die (Jeller tag to 3x19, angst)

Author's Note: I'm horizontal today, so I wrote this in the Tumblr post editor, which means I lived dangerously - I've lost Tumblr drafts before! But if you can see this, it posted, yay! It's unedited as of yet, so apologies for any repetitive or confusing stuff. I haven't posted it on the archive sites yet. Also, apologies for not putting it under a cut - wish the app had a button for that. I know there's a way to do it without a button, but I can never get it to work.

Kurt woke to an empty bed, and frowned into the darkness. Listening to the silence for a moment, he detected no sounds of movement or hushed conversation that would mean Avery was also awake. That meant Jane's insomnia was flaring up again.

He took a moment to fight off the sleepiness that wanted to drag him back to oblivion, then sat up and went to find her. If she wanted to be alone, he'd come back to bed. But he knew how lonely and depressing the middle of the night could be, when all you wanted was to sleep, leaving the anxiety of waking hours behind.

A single, dim lamp illuminated the living room. Jane was sitting on the couch, both legs drawn up to her chest. She lifted her chin from her knees as she registered his presence, attempting a rueful smile that didn't touch her eyes.

"Sorry. Didn't mean to wake you."

Several feet from the couch, Kurt hesitated. "Want me to go back to bed?"

They were still on shaky enough ground that he wasn't sure what the answer would be - Avery was a new addition to their household, but every time he glanced up and saw her, a tiny part of him still instinctively curled into guilt and despair at the way he and Jane had almost imploded. It would take a little more time for that wound to heal.

Jane gestured for him to sit, and leaned into his side the moment he was settled. That was enough reassurance for him to wrap his arms around her.

He didn't try to prompt her into sharing her burden, already knowing it was Roman on her mind. If she wanted to talk, she would. They'd always had that kind of relationship. Maybe it was because of the way they'd met, with him listening to everything she said - first, to find clues to her case, and then also because he wanted to be there for Taylor.

Whether she chose to share was another issue entirely. But he'd learned the night he'd arrested her what could go wrong, if he refused to listen. Looking upon her faintly bruised wrists, as she'd submitted to be cuffed a second time, in the motel hallway, he'd vowed that no matter how much he resented her, he'd never again silence what she needed to say to him.

Not that every moment was as critical as the one time he'd shouted her down. Most of the time, he genuinely wanted to hear what was on her mind.

"I was too hard on Roman."

Even when what was on her mind made no sense. "Jane, he'd just killed our only potential lead to what Crawford's planning. He wasn't going to switch back, no matter what you said."

She sighed. "Not yesterday. I meant in Croatia."

Jane had been wired up during her undercover encounter with Roman, so Kurt had heard every word the siblings had exchanged. "Sure, you were harsh. But after what he's done, he deserved every word."

"I killed the part of him that hoped we could reconcile."

"You really think that part of him wasn't already gone?" Kurt kissed the top of her head. "Jane, this whole time, he's been trying to hurt you. The Crawford case is just a vehicle for his grudge against you."

She shook her head, withdrawing from the embrace so that she could meet his eyes. "No. The Crawford case was the only way Romsan could think to engage with us, now. He worked with us on the Sandstorm case, and as awful as it was for him while he was ZIPped, we were grateful for his help, and it made him feel like he was a part of something good. Until he got his memories back."

She wilted a little at her own memory of that night, and Kurt felt his own regrets surface. If they hadn't lied to him back then, about who'd given him the ZIP, would anything be different? Would Roman have come around, or would they have been in the dark until Shepherd had enacted Phase Two?

Those questions would never have answers. Kurt set them aside, focusing on his wife. "Roman chose Shepherd over us. And he even told us that he wanted to make us suffer."

Jane shrugged sadly. "First I took away Remi, then I took away his memories and his freedom, and then I took away Shepherd. Roman has reasons to hate me. But he has reasons to love me, too. The way I fought to keep him safe from Pellington. And even though I did a terrible thing by wiping his memory, I also gave him a different perspective of law enforcement, showing him the good that we do. He understands why I am the way I am now, because I made him go through that, too. Those kids he helped save - he felt so proud of that. So part of him regrets going with Shepherd. I don't even know if he remembered what Phase Two was all about, when she broke him out of his cell."

Kurt had lived almost his entire life with a part of himself that did just what Jane was doing now - the part Remi and Shepherd had so ruthlessly exploited. The part that desperately wanted to believe that his father hadn't killed Taylor, that had come up with countless ideas for alternate explanations for his father's flimsy alibi, for the muddy shoes, for his descent into alcoholism after Taylor's disappearance.

Kurt recognised that same instinct in Jane, and he loved her for it - as he had told her back when she'd tried dating Oliver, her ability to see the best in people was one of his favourite things about her. But in Roman's case, it was also the one thing most likely to rip her apart.

"Jane, he made his choices. He knew he couldn't just walk back his involvement in the DC attack, even if he didn't realise how catastrophic it would be. You let him live, and he could have just disappeared. But he spent two years plotting out this elaborate game for you to play, trying to turn us all against each other. He had to know you'd never forgive what he did to Avery. Reconciliation was never his goal."

Her jaw tightened when he mentioned Avery, and Kurt wasn't entirely sure if it was because of what Roman had done, or his own unwitting part in his stepdaughter's captivity.

"I think you're wrong. I think he thought that Remi would forgive it, if he could only get her back. I don't have a lot of memories from our childhood, but from meeting Shepherd, I think Remi and Roman were brought up to think the end result justified any means. That's why Remi did awful things as part of Orion, because her commanding officers told her it was for the greater good. And then what she did to you."

What she was saying made a twisted amount of sense. He'd never been able to fully understand how Remi's terrible intentions and the innate goodness in Jane could come from the same person. But if Remi's desire to help make things better had been perverted by Shepherd's 'at any cost' ideology...

He pushed down his anger at Shepherd, knowing that if Jane misinterpreted why he was angry, it would make things a hundred times worse.

"You think Roman did all this because he just wants his sister back?"

Jane nodded. "His real sister. Remi. Not me. This whole Crawford thing was somehow supposed to make me remember who I used to be, or at least cut my ties to you and the team, so that I wouldn't have anyone left but him."

Knowing how Shepherd had separated Remi from Avery, Kurt could see how Roman might have come up with the idea that being alone would bring Jane back to him. But if he let Jane drown in her guilt at driving her brother away, Roman would end them all. Offering him immunity for his crimes was an option at one point, when he'd been in their custody, actively helping them. But since his escape, Roman had continually committed serious crimes, even when he'd also offered help to solve others. There were only two options available to him now: a lifetime in prison, or death.

Three options, if the CIA got their way. But from the way Jane talked about black sites, she'd shoot Roman in the head before allowing him to be subject to Keaton's whims.

"Even if Roman thought you'd forgive him for what he did, he had to know the legal system doesn't work that way."

Jane shrugged sadly. "It did for me, didn't it? He'd have helped me to take down Crawford, who's just as big a target as Shepherd was. Plus he wanted me to kill him, back in DC. When he came up with this plan, I think part of him hoped he could go down fighting. Even if it was one of you who killed him, not me."

"Suicide by cop, or he gets his sister back?" Kurt shook his head. "I don't care what his intentions were. I care what he's done. To you, to me, to Avery. Selling the team to the Venezuelans. And I doubt Crawford has been keeping Tom Jakeman's hands clean, either. We know for a fact that he killed Ganzman yesterday. You didn't murder anyone after your memory was wiped."

"I know. I know that no matter what he hoped for, we could never have let Roman walk free. But before he got Crawford out of our reach, he did hope. And I was the one who killed that hope, by telling him Remi is dead, and I chose a life away from him. If I'd waited until after we'd brought Crawford down to give him hell, we wouldn't have no leads now, and Avery would have some closure for her father's death."

His heart hurt for Jane. Avery was an added dimension of pressure they felt to solve this case. If it had just been the Roman connection, it would have been hard enough, but Avery's impatience, and her horror at finding out her father had been a murderer, was a burden Jane found crushing. The outcome of the Crawford investigation could make or break her relationship with her daughter.

Roman knew how to create intricate puzzles, but he also knew how to structure them in ways that would hurt his sister, and her chosen family, the most.

"You didn't know Roman had fallen in love with Crawford's daughter. You had no idea he was in an undercover role where he was part of a family. You can't blame yourself for being angry, Jane. The gala made him realise he'd burned his bridges with you, I won't deny that. But I think he knew that moment was coming. Roman's self-destructive, but he's not stupid."

She'd been nodding slowly as he spoke; he was getting through to her. Don't torture yourself, Jane. The end of this is already gonna hurt.

"Yesterday, he said killing me would be like killing a part of myself, and I told him it was a part that needed to die. He knows I won't hesitate now. The gun jammed, but I took the shot. I don't think he'll hesitate, either."

He squeezed her hand. "I'm sorry. You might not hesitate, but I know it'll hurt if you're the one to kill him. If I can, I'll spare you from that - if you don't think that would make things worse. Between you and me, I mean."

She leaned against him again. "No. It was such a relief when you offered to take out Roman, when we thought we had him trapped in the therapy room at the NYO. I hate the thought of killing him myself, but now I know he's too dangerous to be allowed to live. If I have to take the shot myself, I'll do it. But if you do it, I won't let it come between us."

"That would mean he got what he wanted." It stung a little - just as her declaration that she wanted to reconcile with him because she didn't want to let Roman win had stung - but Kurt understood. If their positions had been reversed, and it was Sarah they'd needed to take down, it would always hurt a little to know Jane had ended his sister's life, even knowing she'd been a terrorist.

"Not just that." Jane stroked her thumb over the back of his hand, surprising him. "I know you wouldn't be killing him on a revenge kick. You'd just be trying to keep me, and our family, safe."

They were both talking as though taking Roman into custody alive wasn't an option, and for good reason. Jane's brother would walk into a hail of bullets before he let himself be imprisoned again, and even if they could put cuffs on him before he committed suicide - by his own hand, or theirs - they'd seen the effect captivity had on Roman. His childhood PTSD had reduced him to a sobbing wreck in his FBI cell. Jane would take it hard if she had to kill her brother, but knowing she was subjecting him to a lifetime of extreme distress would be infinitely worse.

Kurt would ignore an opportunity to take Roman in alive, assuming one came up, purely because he knew Jane would never come to terms with it if Roman went to Rikers, or to a black site. Her first thought every morning, and the last every night, would be of Roman, crying on the floor like a child.

Kurt knew that death was its own kind of closure, though neither Taylor Shaw nor Bill Weller had died by his hand. The years of not knowing, of fearing Taylor was suffering terrible torment, had worn on his soul. In Roman's case, the suffering would be a certainty for Jane, not a 'what if?' Kurt would do anything to spare her that.

"We don't need Roman to get Crawford, not if we're thorough. We just dealt them a huge setback, taking down their weapon. They'll have to come up with a plan B, and on much shorter notice. When they slip up, we'll be there." He stood up, then tugged on her hand. "Let's get some sleep, if you think you can."

She got to her feet and hugged him, burying her face in the crook of his neck. "Thank you for listening. It feels better to have gotten it out of my head. Even if I know some of it is just me repeating myself."

"Anytime." He kept one arm around her as they separated, and together they made their way back to bed.

#blindspot #blindspot 3x19 #episode tag: 3x19 #blindspot fanfic #blindspot rewatch 2023

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chibinoyume · 3 years

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The first time he called her Jane ♥

#blindspot #jeller #season 1 jeller #my baby deer #blindspot rewatch #1x01 #1x01 rewatch #my gifset #my gifs #it feels like such a big moment looking back #when he stops calling her ma'am #babies #snif #nbc blindspot #blindspot gif #blindspot rw #scheduled post

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love-is-fiction · 3 years

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youtube

Made a lil something in honour of my loves 🥺

#I KNOW IT’S SIMPLE AND BAD BUT PLS DON’T JUDGE #blindspot #jeller #jane doe #kurt weller #jane x kurt #I love them #one more moment please #Youtube

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ireallyloveblindspot · 4 years

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What If it's a setup? What if Jane's tattoo is leading us to a trap?

Jane WAS the trap. And we already fell into it. She played us. Look, I don't like working with her any more than you do. I don't like being in the same room as her. But,

-its the only way to end this.

........... Patterson's got something.

#Blindspot #Natasha Zapata #Audrey Esparza #Sullivan Stapleton #Jane Doe #Kurt Weller #Jaimie Alexander #Alice Kruger #Remi Briggs #Jeller #Jeller love #Jeller is the best #When I first watched this moment I thought Kurt you dumbass you just singlehandedly ruined the chances of Jane ever dating you but now I'm #just like if he wouldn't have said it he woul have only kept it in and once she does something he may not like he'll just yell it in her #face so yeah

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janiedoe · 5 years

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#blindspot #blindspotedit #jeller #jaimie alexander #sullivan stapleton #jane doe #kurt weller #blindspot gif #jeller gif #jane gif #kurt gif #season 4 gif #4.22 #everything about this little moment is perfect #the wink. the aggressive yet cute pat on weller's arm #so married #love their dynamic

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piketrickfeet · 6 years

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kurt ‘why are you being so meeeaaaan’ weller

#blindspotedit #kurtwelleredit #welleredit #pattersonedit #blindspot #kurt weller #patterson #mine #wellersonedit #wellerson #weller x patterson #patterson x weller #i love them sorry #like listen #jeller is great #and i'm about it #but the way he is with patterson in the few moments they get #is #Something

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inmyblindspot · 6 years

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a lot, a lot (jane/kurt drabble)

She snuck up behind him as he was standing at the stove, keeping watch on the frying pan he was cooking in.

She wrapped her arms around his waist and pressed her cheek against his back, sighing contently as she closed her eyes.

It was the middle of the night, their first night together, and they’d rolled out of bed in search of something to eat, settling on some scrambled eggs.

“Say it again,” she whispered and he chuckled, resting his hand over hers and giving them a squeeze. He glanced over his shoulder and she lifted her head to catch his eye, smiling as he grinned down at her.

“I like you...just a little bit,” he said cheekily and she laughed, gently smacking him as he lifted his arm and she snuck under it, leaning into him as he pulled her against his side.

“Ha ha, very funny,” she muttered and he chuckled, leaning down and pressing a kiss to the top of her head, pausing there for a moment.

“I love you...a lot,” he whispered and she smiled, tilting her head back so she could look up at him. He leaned down and softly brushed his lips against hers, humming as they pulled apart. “Like... a lot, a lot,” he murmured and she chuckled, resting her cheek against his chest.

“I love you a lot, a lot, too,” she mumbled, smiling as she felt him pull her closer.

She thought to herself that she hoped he would never let go, just at the same time that he promised himself that he never would.

#blindspot #jeller #blindspot fanfic #writing: mine #just a little drabble #i just love the image #of them having these blissful dreamy moments #and being happy and in love #i want more of that for them #a lifetime of perfect moments and days

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fangirlishsite · 4 years

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from @NBCBlindspot is our spirit animal. That’s the tweet. Discover why HERE: https://bit.ly/2zua1B1

#Jeller #moments #list #Blindspot

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still-with-hearts-beating · 7 years

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I know we have a lot of great season three stuff to fangirl and flail about but I came across this screencap from season two on my iPad and just thought I would share it. No particular reason at all. K, goodnight! 😘

#blindspot #jeller #kurt weller #i can't be the only one who finds this so sexy #like this whole sequence was 🔥#but this particular moment was 🔥🔥🔥#definitely need more of this in season three

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nachosncheeze · 1 year

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You know what? Fuck it. I'm gonna risk it.

BUT I'm gonna split my thoughts into two posts, so those who really don't want to hear about a certain character can skip this post and go to the next. So I present...

3x20 Thoughts (Averwho? Edition)

This episode is great.

I'll be honest, I was a bit nervous taking on Avery in gif form. I'm not even sure about posting some of these thoughts! There was a lot of her to cover in this episode, and I did, but I know she's not particularly popular. So thanks for indulging me.

WHY I wanted to do it: Part of it was that what I've found in the archives for the last few episodes has been almost entirely Jeller, and I wanted to do some gifs, but didn't want to repeat what others have done more skillfully than I can. But apart from that, I like what Avery has to offer from a story perspective. Not as a "making them parents" thing, because I'll be candid, I don't really see Jane as much of a natural mother-figure. I've just never found much personal satisfaction in a traditional domestic scenario involving her, as adorably fluffy as those scenarios might be. (No hate or judgment of those who dig it, though, to be clear. It's just not my thing.) Jane is maybe more of a big sister or overprotective aunt type in my head. That said, I also fully buy that whatever kids she oopsies into, she would (and does) love them completely, try her best as a mum, grow into it to some extent, and be fierce as fuck in the process. Think "the Jane we know and love (including all the season 1-style awkwardness), but on steroids." In that context, I love Avery at the very least as a means to explore that concept a little bit. I have a lot of little stories in my head that involve her, especially in season 4 and post-canon.

Back on track a little bit more to this episode: I also like that she serves as a really angsty counterpoint to the collapse of relations with Roman, and I wish I had more time to explore that in gif form. It gets me every time, the way Jane increases her bond with Avery as she dismantles her options with Roman, in inverse proportion, and often using very similar language. Take the moment at the end of this episode - "Thanks for not giving up on me."/"Never. We're family." - Avery was THERE IN THE ROOM when Jane said pretty much the opposite to Roman at the gala. Right then, Jane stated in pretty harsh terms that 'never' and 'family' are relative. Avery has her own reasons to be pissed at Roman - 6 months captive on a farm, anyone? - but I wonder if she has any thoughts about that.

The family interactions between Jeller and Avery run the gamut from panic and bewilderment (as they deal with a moody teenager at the start) to bittersweet and angsty (as Jane gets a glimpse into what she missed in Avery's childhood - and side note, bravo as always to Jaimie, because she plays those microexpressions around bittersweet wistfulness so well) to Avery finally accepting a hug, which is SUCH a contrast to the last time Jane talked her down, when she held Jane herself at gunpoint back in Berlin. Both times Avery was crying by the end, and both times Jane said "It's okay," but there's been growth. Anyway, this might be the one time we really get to see anything resembling a "day in the life of the Doe-Weller family" on screen, and I love that they managed to do it without losing the essence of Kurt and Jane themselves, because what would a day in the life of Jeller be without a foot chase, shootout, or hostage situation? Bonus in this case: we got all three. xD

#blindspot #blindspot 3x20 #blindspot thoughts #blindspot rewatch 2023 #blindspot rewatch #blindspot s3 spoilers #'post' button is my risky click of the day #averwho

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madelainepetschsblog · 2 years

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since blindspot ended on my screens , here's a list of things that i will miss about the show

- patterson and rich's many arguments

- their iconic black swerving around the corner block

- jane and kurt's many moments

little bee

roman

patty rich and boston

baby zapata

archie the bunker

them saving the world on a daily basis

tasha's iconic looks

patty and rich's search in machu pichu

allie

the video on martins instagram

roman-blame, tasha-reade, tasha- patterson's wedding

jeller wedding

#blindspot #jane doe #zapata #patterson #keaton #madelainepetschblog #rich dotcom #boston ariliss crab #kurt weller #archie the bunker #roman briggs #remi briggs #audrey esparza #ashley johnson #sullivan stapleton #jaime alexander

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indelibleevidence · 1 year

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Warning: Zapata-negative post. If you've read Torture Without You, you could probably guess this was coming, because I have Feelings(TM) about black sites. I'm not tagging it with the show tag, and if you're a Tasha stan you can safely skip it. I'm not going to hate on anyone else for loving her, because in the early seasons, and most of season 5, I love her, too.

Disclaimer over, and aaaargh, CIA Zapata makes me so mad! Like what the hell is this weird loyalty for Keaton? I know that when Tasha decides that you're one of her people, she'll basically ruin her own life to make sure she stays loyal to you. But beyond that, I don't understand her, at all.

I adore Jane/Remi and her sometimes eyebrow-raising approach to life, work and occasional vengeful agendas. But Jane and Remi make sense in the way they're written. Like occasionally something will be slightly off-brand, but the writers are generally consistent, and one of Jane's defining characteristics is guilt and self-blame for the bad decisions she's made. But we really don't have that with Tasha.

Zapata has spent the season so far defending Keaton, and saying she believes in 'his way', and giving the taskforce the united front approach she preached to Reade in 1x05 ('it's one thing to express doubt internally, but doing it in front of Carter is bad, etc). So at least that's a common thread from her FBI days.

But away from the taskforce, she spends half the time kissing Keaton's ass ('sure, I'll lie about Dragonfly', 'sure, I'll lie about knowing Nas was CIA', 'sure, I'm with you all the way and will definitely screw over my dearest friends in your favour', but then we see so much doubt and unease from her about the direction she's going in at other times, like all but one of 3x15's private scenes with Keaton.

I just hate that she puts her job before her moral compass, just because it's her job. Like with Cade, who was kidnapped and black-sited presumably not long after his departure from the US, since he doesn't recognise his toddler son ('was that even my son?') and must have been gone for the entire two-year time jump. Keaton gives her an order and refuses to listen to her misgivings, insults Jane, refuses to see any grey areas re: Cade's case, despite the fact that Keaton would most likely be DEAD if Cade hadn't gone to Jeller. (Yes, I have always hated Keaton, and I always will.)

But despite the fact that she knows Keaton is a shifty bastard who's making her punish someone who just wants to go home to have a life, she goes along with it? And then she has to deal with her life being threatened as an immediate consequence of the lie she didn't even want to tell? She ignores the teaching moments given to her by this case - the villain of the week is the third 'I used to work for/with the CIA until they screwed me over and left me to die' case the team have worked since Jane's arrival - first 1x05, then 2x04, and now this one - and Hirst's pointing out how far down the slippery slope she's gone. And she STILL sides with Keaton, just because she doesn't want to admit she made a mistake leaving, or made a mistake with brushing off Reade's advances a couple of years ago? He even offers her an FBI job back. What more do you want, Zapata?

She's gone from 'terrible people do terrible things, and good people catch them' to 'I don't want my best friend to go to prison for murder, even if he did it', to 'the CIA make hard decisions so other people don't have to', which is basically 'I don't want to be constrained by human rights issues when I solve crimes, even though ignoring people's human rights and betraying them is a really great way to radicalise them and their kids'. And the writers just don't seem to give her a good reason to have made such an extreme shift. She got kidnapped ONE time and then wasn't allowed to torture the guy afterwards, and all of a sudden the FBI is too moral and regulated for her, and she goes to work for the guy who tortured the woman she was maid of honour for, doesn't tell Patterson her terrorist ex is still alive, and...? What is in your brain, Zapata? What logic are you following?

And yes, I know they try to explain in that season 4 episode that Reade was being too protective of her post-Sandstorm, and not letting her get her adrenaline fix at work. And having Jeller and Patterson move out of New York must have given her Abandonment Issues. But talking about it like rational adults would seem to be a better step than joining the shadiest law enforcement agency, just because Keaton once said she'd be a good agent. The same agency that once paid her off to inform on Jane, and who then tortured Jane not once, but twice.

Like I don't know if Tasha's arc was originally planned for Nas, and then Archie Panjabi had other commitments, so they spliced it onto Zapata. But it doesn't quite fit her, despite Audrey Esparza being amazing in her role. And the writers never really seem to have a clear direction for her to go except down. Like the narrative never really pulls her out of that spiral, because the last season was so short that she's never given time. And then Keaton proves that he was never deserving of her loyalty in the first place, which makes her character arc more of a character crash and burn. And I just don't get what they were trying to achieve with her.

I really wish the writers hadn't just made her the morally ambiguous one, just to have every bad decision she's made come back on her and then her arc just...stops? With a PI gig (which I personally think was all in Jane's head as she was dying of ZIP poisoning), a dead love interest, and a kid she didn't plan for? Like is she just supposed to be a cautionary tale? It doesn't feel satisfying at all. And I hate that, because there are moments where Tasha is amazing, and just shines, and is loyal and capable, and why did they do this to her? 😨

#wtf zapata?#blindspot 3x15 #blindspot rewatch 2022

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