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#jelly-farts
prinsomnia · 10 months
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on my knees ✶ full art for @adibsin's new song ft. the lovely @moonjelly0's voice 🤲💕 thank you so much for having me again!
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wine-effectao3 · 2 months
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This will live in my brain where knowledge used to be.
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ballwizard · 10 months
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she's my hero
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bobmckenzie · 1 year
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one piece of Bob lore I will ALWAYS be curious about is this:
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his middle initial is Q... Q FOR WHAT. I WANNA KNOW WHAT HIS MIDDLE NAME CANONICALLY IS SO BADLY YOU HAVE NO IDEA
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moonybadger · 9 months
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Kinda wanna watch the new season of The Dragon Prince but is the humor as bad as it was last season
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apoemaday · 6 months
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Poplar Street
by Chen Chen
Oh. Sorry. Hello. Are you on your way to work, too? I was just taken aback by how you also have a briefcase, also small & brown. I was taken by how you seem, secretly, to love everything. Are you my new coworker? Oh. I see. No. Still, good to meet you. I’m trying out this thing where it’s good to meet people. Maybe, beyond briefcases, we have some things in common. I like jelly beans. I’m afraid of death. I’m afraid of farting, even around people I love. Do you think your mother loves you when you fart? Does your mother love you all the time? Have you ever doubted? I like that the street we’re on is named after a tree, when there are none, poplar or otherwise. I wonder if a tree has ever been named after a street, whether that worked out. If I were a street, I hope I’d get a good name, not Main or One-Way. One night I ran out of an apartment, down North Pleasant Street — it was soft & neighborly with pines & oaks, it felt too hopeful, after what happened. After my mother’s love became doubtful. After I told her I liked a boy & she wished I had never been born. After she said she was afraid of me, terrified I might infect my brothers with my abnormality. Sometimes, parents & children become the most common strangers. Eventually, a street appears where they can meet again. Or not. I’ve doubted my own love for my mother. I doubt. Do I have to forgive in order to love? Or do I have to love for forgiveness to even be possible? What do you think? I’m trying out this thing where questions about love & forgiveness are a form of work I’d rather not do alone. I’m trying to say, Let’s put our briefcases on our heads, in the sudden rain, & continue meeting as if we’ve just been given our names.
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esmedelacroix · 5 months
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Coffee Shop Love Pt.2
pairing: miguel o'hara x f!reader
summary: He's as stern and cold as the snow falling from the sky blanketing the bustling streets of Nueva York, Miguel O'Hara stumbles upon a hidden gem of a coffee shop just around the corner from Alchemax. Only problem is the annoying-as-shit smiley-ass barista.
contents: slow burn, no use of y/n, super fluffy, a teeny bit of Spanish, just pet names tbh, implied age gap
author's note: Hi lovies, this is the second part of this series. I'm really excited to continue this series. I hope you are enjoying it as much as I enjoy writing it. Please comment if there is something you particularly liked, or if you have any constructive criticism for me. Enjoy...
word count: 1.3k
Pt.1, Pt.2, Pt.3, Pt.4, Pt. 5, Pt.6, Pt.7, Sequel: Sweet Tooth
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It was another busy morning at the shop and you and your two employees were rushing around making coffees and serving guests that sat down for breakfast. Despite the Mug & Muffin being such a small shop, the morning rush was brutal. It wasn't your fault you were such a social butterfly and everyone in the neighborhood knew you. "Hey Baby, could I get an iced peppermint mocha-" Mr. Smith started before trailing off.
"With extra whipped cream to go?" you finished smiling as you already had his drink ready. You snuck a little sugar cookie and his bag and sent him off. Mr. Smith was your sweet old landlord. He had Alzheimer’s so you often helped him remember his coffee order, on top of when your rent was due.
Just after Mr. Smith had left you were writing inventory down when your thoughts were interrupted by a deep, rich voice. Smooth like honey he said, "Good Morning Baby, could I get a hot black coffee to-go?"
Your head shot up at the tall man towering over you. His broad shoulders almost completely shading you from the light outside.
"Miguel, good morning," you replied practically gawking at him.
"What? Do I have something on my face?" he asked starting to rub his mouth.
"No no, sorry I just—wasn't expecting you to call me that," you said as you began to take his order down.
"Well, that's what you asked me to call you, no?" he asked passively.
God this man is so sassy, where does he get the audacity? You thought to yourself as you quickly whipped up his brew.
You handed him his drink with a smile. To which he replied, "Thank you, Chula, Have a good day,"
Just like that, he left the shop to go to Alchemax, which was probably about five steps away for him; since his legs are miles long. While he left your legs feeling like jelly, you didn't know what that word meant but it was still hot when he said it.
So as you sat in the shop late at night bored out of your mind, asking yourself the question you asked yourself every day. Why am I still open? Who buys coffee at 8 pm? Your answer had walked right through the door. This time not getting caught in the mistletoe. "You really have to take that down. Do you know how tiring it is to duck into this store?" he joked as walked up to the counter after putting his work bag down.
"Take down the mistletoe? Never, it's a holiday decor necessity," you explained while already starting to make his order.
"What's the purpose of it anyway?" he asked trying to make his point.
"You seriously don't know what mistletoe is? Miguel, if a man and a woman stand under a mistletoe together, they have to kiss, it is the sweetest most romantic thing ever," you explained passionately.
"That's the stupidest thing I've ever heard," he replied as he took his mug of black coffee and paid.
"How do you have such a shortage of Christmas spirit?" you asked him.
"Well, I've never really celebrated Christmas since I was like twelve years old, and I have no recollection of my life past 20," he explained.
"Ugh, you old fart, your no fun," you teased.
"I'm not that old," he rebutted.
"Really? Because you seem like you’re 35," you guessed.
"Well, I'm 37 but that's besides the point, Im pretty young," he said.
"No, young is me, I'm 30," you replied.
"Smartass," he mumbled just loud enough for you to hear as buried himself in his work like the night before. You continued cleaning up and packing up the extra baked goods for the day. There was one piece of coffee cake left, and you weren't going to eat it. "Miguel, would you like some coffee cake with your drink?" you asked hopefully.
"I thought I already told you, I don't like sweets," he said eyes still glued to his screen.
"Yeah, but you never know until you try, maybe you just haven't had the right one," you nagged. He sighed while taking off his glasses and pinched the bridge of his nose.
"Will you stop talking if I take it?" he teased while looking up at you trying not to smile. You rolled your eyes and brought a plate to him with a fork.
"Yes, this ones on the house," you said.
"Oh, I was never going to pay to have my tastebuds assaulted, don't worry," he joked.
"Just zip it and eat," you said trying not to give him the satisfaction of your laughter but then failing miserably.
You put on a Frank Sinatra vinyl on your record player to get into the holiday mood as you cleaned up the shop. Mopping the sticky matted black and white tiled floors. It was inevitable that something spilled during the morning and lunch rush.
You looked back at Miguel, and to your surprise, the plate of coffee cake was cleared. No crumbs were detected on the plate. His mug of coffee was always finished in record time, yet his head was resting on top of his laptop. He was completely knocked out sleeping like a baby. While his nose was continuously hitting the spacebar.
You took his plate and mug as quietly as you could. You also gently took his glasses off. You finished off everything you needed to and gave the extra boxes of baked goods to a volunteer who would take them to the homeless shelter for you. You even walked up to your apartment to shower and change into your Christmas pajamas.
You slipped on your reindeer slippers and walked down the stairs to the shop. Miguel was still slumped over his table. It was beyond the closing time you shook his shoulder trying to wake him up. His eyes slowly fluttered open. "Miguel, you gotta get up, it's way too late," you whispered softly. He brought his head up still taking in his surroundings and fully waking up. You helped him pack his stuff as he was registering where he was.
He had keyboard marks on the side of his cheek, making you chuckle to yourself as he was completely oblivious to the fact.
He didn't hide that he was so embarrassed that he had fallen asleep well. You found it kind of cute, he even blushed a bit. He thanked you and you handed him a hot chocolate with marshmallows to-go. "Before you say you don't like sweet things, just try it, you drink way too much caffeine, and it's very cold tonight," you said.
"Thank you, Baby, oh great, I can feel the sugar rushing through my bloodstream," he joked. You rolled your eyes at him and hit his arm playfully.
"Now I think I understand why people call you Baby, I mean look at this outfit," he teased motioning at your slippers.
"Get out of my shop," you exclaimed while giggling and pushing him out. You finally got Miguel out and watched him walk to his car. He suddenly turned around and said "Stay warm Baby, goodnight,"
"Goodnight Miguel," you called out to him waving before closing the shop door and locking up.
Just as you were about to walk up the stairs to your apartment, you noticed something strange on the counter. Yet another sticky note from Miguel, but this one had his phone number on it. You smiled down at the paper while doing a little happy dance and then collecting yourself. You little weirdo. You thought to yourself.
Next... Pt.3
taglist:
@br0-please @jewelz-teehe @iite-cool
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thefunkfactory · 3 days
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Preston’s Putrescence Permutation
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Preston was coming home from a long night at school, he had just left his 6 hour long study session and was heading up the stairs to his apartment, Preston was praying that his roommate was already asleep. Preston’s roommate was notoriously gassy, day and night he would let massive, stinking farts fly out of his ass wherever he was, and given that he didn’t have a job he was always in the apartment. Preston wished he could just move out but his roommate, Carlos, paid more than half of the rent and bills via the money his parents gave him. As Preston unlocked the door he was hit with the stench of stale farts, obviously Carlos was especially gassy today given the fact that the stench floating around the room was even more noxious than usual. Covering his nose with the collar of his crewneck Preston entered the apartment and saw his roommate passed out face down on the couch. Being relieved that Carlos wouldn’t purposefully torment him with his farts, Preston set his things down and made his way to the kitchen to make dinner.
Preston is being extra careful not to make any loud noises so as not to disturb the gassy giant slumbering on the couch. Preston was whipping up a really simple meal, just a peanut butter jelly sandwich, so at least he could get something in his belly before he went to bed. He finished putting the jelly on a slice of bread, he dropped the butter knife he was using onto the floor. Crossing his fingers that he didn’t wake up Carlos, Preston bent down and picked up the knife. As he stood up he could hear Carlos groggily groan “Don’t make so much noise loser”, pissed at himself that he managed to wake up Carlos Preston picked up the knife and responded by saying “Sorry Carlos I’ll try to be quieter”. Carlos mumbled to him “Yea yea you better”, and with that Carlos put his head back down and Preston finished up making his sandwich. As Preston was cleaning up he clumsily knocked his plate onto the ground breaking it into a handful of pieces of cheap plastic. Quickly scattering to pick up the pieces, Preston was really praying hard that Carlos somehow didn’t hear that. As he looked up from his position on the floor he came face to face with Carlos’ crotch. Carlos said with an air of annoyance in his voice “What did I tell you about being quieter?! I thought you were smart enough to heed my warning…”, “Im so sorry Carlos I-.” Carlos cut Preston off and said “You know the punishment…don’t move”. Preston got up quickly and blurted out “No! I'm not letting you fart in my face again just because I dropped a plate!”, Carlos looked at him with a look of shock that quickly turned into a look of irritation. “Oh is that so?” taunted Carlos “What are you gonna do to stop me?”. Preston, not thinking this far ahead, responded with “Well I…uhhh” but before he could finish his sentence Carlos threw Preston down onto the floor. “OW WHAT THE HELL CARLOS?!” Preston yelled getting up, Carlos said nothing but pushed Preston’s rising body back down so he was resting on his knees. Preston watched as a terrifying grin grew across Carlos’ face, “What are you-?” Preston began to ask but was cut off as Carlos, looking into Preston’s confused eyes, let out a massive fart. Preston watched as an almost cartoonish green fog began to shoot out from behind Carlos. As the fart cloud began to fill the room Preston, more confused than ever, watched as Carlos took a deep breath, letting the green cloud funnel up his own nostrils, and let out a satisfied sigh as his eyes rolled back for just a moment. Preston tried to hold his breath but couldn’t hold it forever, running out of air Preston tried to get up but was met with Carlos pushing him down by his shoulders. As Preston struggled he involuntarily took a breath of air as his body needed to get some oxygen. Preston’s lungs were not met with fresh air but were met with a rush of methane, practically smelling like one of Yellowstone's Sulfuric pools.
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Carlos watched as Preston’s eyes unfocused and his body stopped struggling, knowing it had begun, Carlos felt like speeding up the process of creating an obedient roommate who would be incapable of challenging Carlos. Carlos let another sulfur smelling cloud rip right out of his rank ass, adding to the green haze filling the room. Watching Preston breathe in more of his butt funk, Carlos proudly laid his eyes upon his soon to be obedient roommate and proclaimed “Soon my super-human flatulence will begin to make you feel much better about living together with me”. Preston, being overtaken by the stench, thought one last thought, “What is he talking about?”, and then Preston felt the cloud of farts wafting around him reach his brain. He felt the thought he just had evaporate into the cloud making its way through his head. Everything Preston had ever thought was being corrupted and concocted into his very own stinkbomb, swirling in his gut. At random thoughts about how much he despised his roommate’s childish behavior, how he wished he could just leave, and how Carlos’ stink is probably fused into everything in the apartment, all were wiped straight out of his mind and transformed into a fart cloud developing in his gut. Next to go was Preston’s intelligence, his knowledge of complex math formulas disappeared, his ability to remember specific historical events…gone, all knowledge about science, art, etc. all gone straight to his gut to be churned into one massive cloud of growing flatulence. Finally Preston’s memory was changed by Carlos’ funky fumes. All of Preston’s memories of growing up an only child, being a proper and polite member of society, and his memories of being a good kid, never capable of mischief or mean spirited pranks, were altered into memories of growing up with his older brother Carlos, not ever learning manners as a kid, and using his noxious fart funk to daze and control all of his friends minds as a prank. Not a single intelligent thought or uncorrupted memory was left floating around, all that was floating around his mind now was the stinky fart his brother Carlos just blasted into the room.
Feeling the pressure in his gut become impossible to stop, Preston let out a massive billowing cloud of green vapors blast out of his ass and into the room. Taking a deep sniff Carlos knew that Preston’s mind was no more, patting him on the shoulder Carlos said “How you feeling lil bro?”. Preston still a little dazed looked at Carlos dumbfounded before taking in a breath of his recently eradicated old life, Preston took in a deep breath and let out a satisfied sigh just like his big bro Carlos and dumbly said “Brooo I feel so light headed and uhhhh gassy”. Carlos responded with “Good that's how you should feel Pedro!”, “Pedro?” questioned Preston, “Who is Pedro? Im uhhh Preston”. Realizing his corrupting farts must have missed a spot Carlos said “Stay right there lil bro” and took a step back. Preston, not wanting to ever go against his big bro, complied and stayed sat on his knees. Taking a second to allow a new mind shattering fart to ripen, squatted and concentrated really hard. Preston, after thinking really hard, had a burgeoning thought barely come together. Preston thought to himself “Who…who is Pedro?” and as he completed that thought after a good solid minute of unbridled concentration, Carlos was ready. Without warning Carlos quickly shifted over to Preston and let out a newly ripened puff of putrid air that would correct the last kink in Preston’s mind. Carlos backed off and waved the malodorous fart towards his little brother, proudly looking upon his little brother filled to the brim with both obedience and the mind altering flatulence that Carlos possesses. Preston would forget all about that name, he would be left with the knowledge that his name is and always has been…Pedro.
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callofdooty69 · 3 months
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i’m feeling extra delusional today so here are some silly little cod headcanons ╰(*´︶`*)╯♡
cw: (very VERY little amount of suggestive content), profanity, mention of “boob” so
captain john price
absolutely terrified of spiders to the point where he’ll practically jump on you if he sees even the smallest daddy longlegs
holds his kid by the feet on occasion
burped in front of everyone at a meeting one time. it was dead silent and the lads still make fun of him for it
laughed uncontrollably when he saw soap with his mohawk for the first time and had to convince him not to just shave it off after hearing his giggles
calls gaz his “work wife” in a very serious tone
uses “cringe” emojis like 😅😂🤬
one time he was butt ass naked at three in the morning, shaving his beard in the communal bathroom. made ghost promise not to tell anyone what he unfortunately witnessed
says “jolly good time” like it’s a prayer
the man will tease you for letting out a little toot when his farts could kill a victorian child (i’m so sorry)
kyle ��gaz’ garrick
slaps soap on the ass at least four times a day
called ghost his “wittle pwincess” as a joke and almost got his ass beat if it weren’t for price holding him back
a huge lightweight when it comes to drinking. like one shot of vodka will have him throwing up in the nearest toilet
shit his pants in the middle of training one time because he got food poisoning from eating too many freeze-dried skittles
said “womp womp” when soap told him he got broken up with (before the two of you together)
pokes your boob when he’s bored (consensually of course)
johnny/john ‘soap’ mactavish
cried when he found out titanic wasn’t actually based off of a true story
also slaps gaz on the ass daily
one time accidentally put a shit ton of salt in ghost’s coffee, mistaking it for sugar
ghost asked him to test how many oreos he could fit in his mouth without chewing. he made it to 19 before he almost choked to death
practiced kissing with a stuffed teddy bear when he was twelve. his mom has it on video and will never let him live it down
picks you up at random times of the day. washing dishes? perfect. making lunch? wonderful opportunity to throw you over his shoulder
bites you when he’s bored and wants attention, not hard enough to hurt but he just rests his mouth and teeth on you
when in public he always has to take an anxiety piss. he could have gone right before you both left and he would still run around looking for the bathroom and take a two minute long piss
shit in the pool. you might be thinking ‘oh this was when he was a child, right?’ no. he was 26.
simon ‘ghost’ riley
one time lost his mask and had a conniption fit for two hours, which is understandable. he was wearing it the entire time. went on a violent rampage for no reason
also uses “cringe” emojis
you walked in on him trying on your bra one time. you both didn’t move for about two minutes before you pulled out your phone and sent a picture to everyone else. he punished you that night if you know what i mean
says “laugh out loud” instead of actually laughing
burned his tongue when he tried to fit an entire bowl of ramen noodles in his mouth in one sitting
laughs in horrible situations
the king of “my bad homeboy” and “on god”
one time soap told him that saying “babygirl” to someone was a form of high respect and said “you’re absolutely right, babygirl” to price in a very serious meeting and everyone laughed after a moment of silence and genuine concern for his well-being. chased johnny around base for an hour after that
he had to change a diaper for price after he had his kid one time and she shit in his face. he made the horrible mistake of not wearing his mask in that moment
lays his head on your ass and calls you his “personal plump pillow”
found out he was deathly allergic to peanut butter after eating a peanut butter and jelly sandwich that was made up of half a jar of jiffy and less than a quarter of a tube of jelly
könig
thought “passenger princess” meant driving around with a barbie doll in the passenger seat of a car
almost had a mental breakdown when you told him that girls do, in fact, poop
got a flat tire in the middle of nowhere and his phone was dead. walked four miles to a gas station for gas but then forgot which direction he came from
he genuinely thought that babies come from the butthole up until he was seventeen
you recorded him sleep talking one time when he was mumbling incoherent german and out of literally nowhere said “stream taylor swift”
watches “keeping up with the kardashians” like it’s his religion
munch
anyways… you were yelling with your friend on the phone one time in a joking way and könig ripped the phone out of your hands and said “fuck off” and apologized profusely to both you and your friend after finding out it wasn’t actual anger and that you two were just joking over the phone
****
let me know if i should make more, or if i should make some specifically nsfw 😏
anons are open as always ╰(*´︶`*)╯♡
- 𝓀.𝒿
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elionwriter · 4 months
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Sonic Twitter Takeover #7 - ALL ANSWERS (Tiktok & Twitter answers!!!)
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AhahahahhH I LOVE THESE SO DAMN MUCH! ALWAYS A GOLD MINE!
So what have we learned?
-Knuckles farts when he glides
-Amy can literally shatter the Earth (might actually consider having inhibitor rings...)
- Tails is a gremlin, a Gossip, a Knuxouge shipper and thinks he's the cutest
- STRAWBERRY SHORTCAKE SUCKS! -the sequel
- Sonic is jelly of Shaow for going to the concert with Amy and disappointed everyone joins in on the next one. (Poor, shy boy)
- Eggman is a lovely father (and probably needs antidepressants...)
-After Tails licked walls, Knuckles and Eggman lick rocks.
- Shadow stares the void for hours (and Knuckles joins in)
- Starline who?!?!
- Knuckles and Amy really, really are like siblings at this point!! I love that so much!
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kozumaguchi · 1 year
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Jujutsu Kaisen Smells
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Ft. Most of JJK, sorry if I missed one of your favs (💜)
Warnings - Unintentional slander of some of your favs, I swear I love JJK.
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Yuuji - Yuuji doesn't smell bad per say, he just sweats a lot since he's very active. He doesn't smell strong ever, the only thing that do are his feet... But those are usually covered.
Megumi - He owns cologne, body wash, face wash, and many packs of gum. He's always minty fresh, not overbearing but instead like a mint flavored chapstick.
Nobara - She's overly analytical of herself, so she would be petrified if she smelled bad in public, you won't catch her slipping she's always smelling like tutti fruity jelly beans.
Gojo - He's good at everything he does, so to top it all off he doesn't even try to smell good he just does. He smells like strawberries and cream, and some hate how he doesn't seem to have a flaw.
Nanami - Pencils and fresh books, he just does don't fight me on it because I will win. He may dabble in some light cologne if it's a special occasion however.
Maki - She doesn't really care how she smells, she doesn't think about it. That's why she doesn't have much of a scent at all, she washes her face, wears deodorant, and calls it a day. The only noticeable smell is her citrus scented shampoos that she uses.
Yuta - During JJK 0 he 100% smelled like axe spray... But got called out by Maki and fixed his mistakes. He know smells like cinnamon and firewood.
Inumaki (My husband) - I love him... But he is definetly not a flower and the books confirmed this. He most likely smells like gas stations and soup at best, it's not disgusting but not something people get candles of.
Panda - Smells like fresh grass and summer days or a wet dog if he's caught in the rain. Sometimes he will smell like soup thanks to Inumaki feeding him whatever is for dinner.
Sukuna - Blood, a bit of dead body, but mostly a strong blood scent... Kinda smells like period blood but nobody asks.
Mahito - Smells like hand sanitizer and really overbearing soap, he smells too clean, too the point it's a bit much. Oddly enough his hair smells really bad because he doesn't take care of it.
Geto - Geto smells like dark chocolate with a hint of red wine, he smells expensive which he uses to his advantage if need be. It for some reason lures people in easily.
Todo - Todo smells like protein shakes, Sweat, axe, and orange juice all at the same time. It's a lot but it's not terrible, the dominant smell truly depends on the scenario.
Mai - She uses beautiful perfumes (sometimes over uses), and her hair smells like pineapple even if she is using shampoo that smells nothing like it.
Noaya - Shit he smells like shit because he is a peice of shi- (He actually smells like freshly vacuumed carpet but I hate him so...)
Toji - cum Toji smells like cheap cologne, gasoline, dirt, and rainy days. He smells like a sugar daddy without actually being one because he's broke... So I guess he's just a daddy (He failed at being that too tho... Just saying).
Shoko - She smells like whiskey and cigarettes, mostly cigarettes but that should be assumed.
Ijichi - depression Ijichi smells like a new car, and a fresh basement. He smells like nice cars because he takes care of his very often too make sure its perfect.
Junpei - He used to smell like apple pie and popcorn, thanks to visiting theatres so often. His smell was comforting and captured his sweet nature perfectly.
Miwa - Miwa smells like fresh cookies and wooden stoves, she smells really good and has been complimented on it before. (She blushed for quite a few days after it.)
Rika - Rika smelled like fresh daisies and the first days of winter, her smell was pure just like her soul and heart.
Yoshinobu - He definetly smells like an old man, take that as either moth balls and drug stores, or beef and farts. Either one could suit him.
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heartstringsduet · 5 months
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Good morning, good night, good lunch break to y'all <3 Have something completely new I'm working I'll call 10 to 0 here on that I actually really like so far. thanks for tagging me @louis-ii-reyes-strand & @whatsintheboxmh
Carlos sighs and hangs his head. If he has to do this, he rather not look at them. “TK isn’t interested in me.”
“This one again,” Paul groans.
“He’s just not and that’s okay,” Carlos says, keeping his voice even.
“You gotta know when something isn’t meant to be. I’m just being realistic.”
The warmth to Carlos' left is gone as Nancy slumps backwards into his bed. “Realistic isn’t pessimistic, you lil’ dummy. All signs point to him liking you!”
“You just want that to be true.”
“Na, man. TK brings you homemade soup when you’re sick,” Paul’s thumb pops up, the other fingers follow with each added thing, “He texts you every day, he threw you a surprise birthday party that consisted of four friends and a homemade dinner because he knows you. I catch you cuddling on the couch under one blanket more often than not. Carlos, man, he calls you ‘babe’.”
Carlos closes a hand around Pauls’ fingers, needing him to stop. It makes his stomach feel fuzzy to hear it all listed like this, an amalgamation of everything that keeps him up at night but still he needs to say, “None of that has to mean TK likes me as more than a friend.”
Behind him Nancy makes a farting noise on her arm.
I tag anyone who wants to share &
@alrightbuckaroo @herefortarlos @lemonlyman-dotcom @ladytessa74 @lightningboltreader @birdclowns @freneticfloetry @paperstorm @welcometololaland @rmd-writes @strandnreyes @reyesstrand @decafdino @thebumblecee @mooshkat @liminalmemories21 @carlos-in-glasses @cold-blooded-jelly-doughnut @carlos-tk @bonheur-cafe @ambiguouspenny @fitzherbertssmolder @wandering-night19 @goodways @noxsoulmate
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tdinyomomma · 7 months
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TDI X Reader- Phobia Factor (Chapter Seven)
If you haven’t read: six
After the Killer Bass’s elimination we decided to go to the campfire and join them. Well there’s more to it but whatever. “What do you guys want? Come by to rub it in?” Courtney questions us with her hands on her hips. “We got some extra dessert after our tuck-shop party, thought you might want some.” Trent speaks for us as Beth jiggles the green jello in her hands. 
“So, what? You’re just being nice?” Courtney rebuttals.
“Okay, Owen stank up our cabin and we need some time to air it out.” Gwen rolls her eyes and Owen farts. “Ew, dude.” Trent gives the big guy a look.
Beth then brings over the green jello to the Miss C.I.T. who ends up squealing, stepping back. “No!” She then collects herself. “I mean, no thanks. I’m good.” She politely declines the offer. 
“What? Are you on a diet or something?” Duncan quizzes her. 
“No, I just don’t like green jelly, okay?” She defends herself, Beth  then goes past her and over to DJ, he gasps. “Snake!” Flipping the tray over. Cody bends over, grabbing the worm. “Chill, dude, it’s just a gummy worm.” He shows it off to the poor guy. 
“Sorry for tripping. Snakes just freak me out.” He apologizes. “I feel you, chickens give me the creeps, dude.” Tyler comforts his teammate. 
“You’re afraid of chickens?” Gwen asks in disbelief, Duncan chuckles. “Wow, that’s-that’s really lame man.” 
“So suddenly, everyone’s having this big share fest by the fire. Like Beth went on and on about her mortal fear being covered by bugs. Harold’s afraid of Ninjas. Even Heather admitted she’s afraid of sumo wrestlers.” Gwen tells the camera, growing interested in each one she tells. 
“What’s my worst fear? I guess being buried alive.” Gwen answers. 
“Walking through a minefield… in heels.” Lindsay distresses.
“Flying man. That’s some crazy stuff.” Owen speaks up, shivering.
“I would never go up in a plane. Never.” Izzy holds her hands at her chest. 
“I’m scared of hail. It’s small but deadly, dude.” Geoff expresses. 
“Being left alone in the woods.” Bridgette says and Sadie sniffs, holding a wooden plank from the dock. “Bad haircuts.” Sadie cries out. “Oh, okay, I change mine. That’s so much scarier than a minefield.” Lindsay shutters at the thought. 
“Having to diffuse a time bomb under pressure.” Cody scratches his cheek, then we all turn to Courtney. 
“I’m not really afraid of anything.” She holds her knees to her chest. “Baloney.” Duncan coughs. “Oh, really? Well, what exactly is your phobia, Mr. Know-it-all?” She questions him, his face drops instantly and he glances around. 
“Uh, Ce-Celine Dion music store-standees.” He slumps, holding his face. “Exsqueeze me? I didn’t quite get that.” Cody snickers, cupping his hand to his ear, I agree, covering my mouth as I laugh. “Dude, did you say Celine Dion music store-standees?” Trent chimes in. “Ooh, I love Celine Dion!” Lindsay excitedly admits. 
“What’s a standee?” 
“You know, that cardboard cutout thing that stands in the music store?” Trent clarifies. “Don’t say it dude.” Duncan whines, pointing to the other guy speaking, but gets ignored. “Kind of like a life-size but flat Celine.” I sit up straighter, holding onto Cody’s knee to stop myself from laughing. 
“Shut up!” He covers his ears. “What about you guys?” He directs between Trent and I. 
“Okay, well, I hate mimes. Like a lot.” Trent says, “Similar to Trent, clowns.” I boredly tell them, Courtney rolls her eyes at us. “All right Courtney. You’re afraid of something. Spit it out.” Trent orders and I nod but she sits taller. “Nope, nothing.” 
“If that’s true you would’ve jumped during our first challenge. But you didn’t.” I then bend my arms, pretending to flap my wings.” “Shut up!” She shouts at me and I laugh.
Chris whistlers as we all give him our attention. I sit between Heather and Cody. “Campers, your next challenge is a little game I like to call. “Phobia Factor.” Prepare to face your worst fears.” He announces. 
“Worse than this?” Leshawna lifts her food in disgust. “We’re in trouble.” Gwen mutters. “Now for our first victims… Heather!” A card flies into his hand and he reads off of it. “Meet us all in the theater. It’s sumo time!” She spits out her drink in shock. “Gwen you, me, the beach. A few tons of sand.” Her eyes go wide. “Wait how did they know those were your worst fears?” Lindsay asks, Gwen slaps her own forehead. “Because we told them.”
“At the campfire last night.” Trent reminds her, Beth and the blonde look at each other. He then comforts Gwen, rubbing her back as her head lays down on the table. I stare at them without realizing, my mind going blank as I go off into space. 
Immediately getting out of it once Lindsay speaks again. “Wait, they were listening to us?” 
“It’s a reality show, Einstein. They’re always listening to us.” Gwen sarcastically says.
I know I don’t like Gwen how she likes me but still being avoided and her bringing in the comfort of Trent as if I did something wrong hurts. I truly thought we were close friends…
“That’s like eavesdropping!” Lindsay pouts.
“Chef Hatchet, didn’t you have a special order for Tyler here today?” The muscular cook smirks, showing Tyler a fried chicken, the teen picks it up, he stares at it for a moment. Then he bites off the head and then an actual live chicken head pops up and Tyler screams in fear.
We go to the first thing which is for Beth, it’s a blow up pool filled with bugs DJ vomits just by looking at it. I cross my arms glancing over to Cody who was a worryful expression. For it being Beth’s worst fear she jumps right in. Coming out with worms all over her. “And Beth sets the bar way up there!” We cheer for our girl; she has a big smile planted on her face.
Lindsay and Sadie get wigs on their heads. Owen and Izzy have to go on a roughed up looking plane. Leshawna runs, screaming away from Hatchet who’s in a spider costume. 
Next is Heather standing across from a sumo wrestler. “Heather, stepped up to the plate, scoring the Gophers their second point on the board.” 
The wrestler comes running and the girl crouches down, the wrestler trips, falling off the stage. 
Next was Gwen being buried alive, Trent comforts her, giving her a walkie so they could talk. I want to jump in and also comfort the girl but again… Not my place anymore I guess. She wants something I don’t.
As we’re moving onto the next thing, Trent runs past us. “Just talk to him bro and ask him to go away!” Chris yells after him. I tense up realizing I don’t know when a clown is going to come for me. I unconsciously grip onto Cody’s arm. 
“Okay, then, we have 2 minutes before Gwen’s done. Cody, you’re up.” His eyes go up to the host after looking down to see my hands wrapped around his arm. He then looks back up to my face. “You got this.” I give him a thumbs up after letting him go. 
We follow Chris to this trash bomb. I decided to stay with the boy, maybe helping him disconnect it. “All right, Cody This garbage bomb’s going off in exactly 10 minutes. Everything you need to know to defuse it is on these schematic blueprints.” Chris lifts up a blue paper he rolled out. 
“What? No way! I can’t do this!” He exclaims, holding his head, clearly stressed out. “Then I suggest you find a safe place to hide, bro.” The host then throws the paper and I catch it before it hits the ground. “Later, dudes! Also, [Name]! Be careful.” He winks, walking away and my body freezes. 
“Wait, you’re not gonna watch?” Cody questions. “No way, that’s a live bomb, dude!” He then runs away. 
He turns to the trash bomb sighing. “You don’t have to stay, you know?” He takes the paper from my hands and I shrug. “I know but I don’t mind helping.” I smile motioning for him to pull the paper out so we can both read it. 
As we’re reading the paper he speaks up. “What makes you so scared of-” I cover his mouth quickly. “Don’t even, it’s going to manifest it.” I whisper aggressively. “They could be a killer under that mask. Or- or, a kidnapper. And for some reason people just let them go to parties and carnivals.” I rant, not realizing one was right behind me. “[Name], you might want to start running then…” 
Then that stupid clown horn squeaks in my ear and I scream, running away from Cody and the trash bomb. The thing laughs at me and I cry out in fear. “Stay away!” I take off my shoe mid run and throw it back at the clown. It stays hot on my trail and I run past the dock where Trent was soaking wet and Chris was sitting down controlling a cloud of hail following Geoff. 
I notice Heather on the porch and wave more arms around. “Heather! Please!” I wail, going up the porch and throwing her in front of me, shielding myself from the clown that giggles, squeaking the horn again. “What- Let go-” 
It stands on the bottom of the stairs. “Heather, please! Please, don’t make me let go.” I plead with her and she looks back at me, noticing the tears in my eyes. She rolls her eyes and places her hands on her hips. “What do you even want me to do?” She questions and I squeeze my eyes shut, gently holding onto her arms. “Tell it to go away.” I mumble, she then walks down the steps, taking off her sandal. “All right, go away you stupid clown. Shoo! Get away!” She slaps it with her shoe repeatedly and it sadly puts its head down, walking away. 
“Yeah! Go away!” I cheer, and then run up to Heather after I know it’s gone, embracing her tightly. “Thank you! I owe you big time!” I grin, before running off, not letting her respond to me.
 
An explosion occurs and I gasp. “Shit, Cody!” I run to the area where the explosion happened and he’s sitting on the ground covered in trash. “[Name]? Is that you?” He groans, his arms out since he can’t see and even though I’m disgusted I help him up off the ground. 
“I’m so sorry, the clown was just following me and flight or fight, response you know? Heather luckily helped me but I’m still so sorry, I should’ve done something to help.” I ramble on and he tiredly laughs. “It’s okay, I really need a show though.” He sighs, taking the banana peel off his head. We make it through the forest and as we’re walking through he goes in front of me, still groaning from the pain of the explosion.
Bridgette then hits him, screaming before running off. He grunts, falling to the floor once again. “Oh my god, are you okay?” I ask him and he just lays there for a moment. “I’m fine, just- just give me a minute.” He gives up and I laugh.
After Cody takes a shower and I wash my hands we make our way to a pen where Chris and Tyler are standing. The Gophers all made it through their challenges. 
“All right gang, we’re ninth inning. Tyler, for your challenge you need to get in this pen for three minutes with these chickens.” Chris unboxes a momma chicken with two baby chickies. “You can do it Tyler!” Bridgette shouts. “Yeah, unless you’re chicken.” Duncan taunts. Tyler ends up sitting down, cradling himself back and forth. 
“I’m not sure we’re getting anywhere on this one.” Chris says boredly.
“Tyler, this is the last challenge. Quit being such a girl!” Courtney yells at the boy. “You have to do this or we’re going to lose!” Courtney rolls her eyes. 
“Actually if you do the math you can’t possibly win.” Cody calculates then shows the calculator. “The score’s 8-3.”
“Not necessarily. We’ve got one more challenge set up.” Chris says. 
“Who? It can’t be me. But I didn’t-” Courtney goes on confused. “You didn’t have to. We’re always watching you and your reactions.” Chris reminds her. 
“I knew it. Didn’t I tell you guys, they were eavesdropping?” Lindsay angrily asks. “Oh, who cares? It’s not going to make a difference.” Courtney frowns. 
“Let’s make this interesting then. I’ll give you triple points if you can complete it.” He tells her.
We now stand in front of a huge wooden pool of green jello. “You’re afraid of jelly?” Duncan laughs. “Shut up! Only the green kind. It’s like sugary, jiggly snot!” She cries out in disgust. 
“You can face your fear and dive straight into this pool of jelly or let your team lose yet another challenge!” Courtney slumps, making her way to the ladder. “This is insane! I could seriously die doing this.” She climbs up.
“Oh this is just cruel.” Gwen says, “It’s probably warm by now! Warm green jelly. Snotty, bouncy, ugh!” She stifles. 
“You’re not going to make me quit!” Courtney yells down. “That’s it, keep climbing!” Duncan smiles.
“She’s just trying to psych you out!” Bridgette chimes in. “Like you said, Courtney! It’s okay if you can’t do it!” Duncan shouts, I yell up a chicken clucking sound just like I did in our first challenge earning a scowl in response. Once she stands up on the board she thinks about it then covers her face. “I can’t do it! I’m coming down!” She yells, her team all lower their head in disappointment as the Gophers cheer once again. 
“And there you have it! The Gophers won invincibility this week… Again!”
After everything calms down we all chill in our cabin, mostly everyone was on the boys side except me, Gwen, Heather and Lindsay. 
“I gotta go to the bathroom.” Gwen huffs, standing up, stretching out her body. “Ooh! Me too, I’ll come with!” Lindsay grins, following after the goth girl. Gwen scoffs but opens the door for the blonde and they walk out. Heather then stands up and I raise a brow at her. “Dang you have to go too?’ 
“No, I wanted to talk to you about something.” She tells me and I put my book down, giving her my attention. “What’s up, Heather?” I smile softly. “You said you owe me earlier right?” She asks and I slowly nod. 
“Well, before that, I want to apologize for my actions with the whole diary thing. And then by owing me a favor I’d like you to pretend to be my friend for a little bit.” She crosses her arms and I’m taken aback for a moment. 
“Seriously?” I lean closer to her as if I didn’t hear her correctly the first time. “Yes, just don’t expect me to be all nice with Gwen.” She says and I glance around. “What’s the point of this?” 
“Just- please?” She huffs. 
“I-I guess? Just pretending to be friends?” I furrow my brows, her face turns a light shade of pink. “Nevermind-” 
“No, no, I’m down, we can be friends.” I wink, then go back to my book.
Links to other writings
Also if you’d like to request an imagine that is separate from the story let me know!!!
taglist: if you want to be added lmk
@pulling-out-my-eyes
@laecrowa
@bbootyyyshaker9000
@marsyay78
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sugdenlovesdingle · 6 months
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Hey look ma I made a thing for a thing!
I see your WIP Wednesday and Seven Sentence Sunday and all that... and I give you
Self Promo Saturday!
Because you're your own biggest fan, right?
The rules are simple: List 5 of your works that you're proud of.
Any medium (fic/art), any fandom, old or recent - anything goes.
---
For my five I'm going to limit myself to Tarlos fics (because if I had to include robron too it would be too hard to pick just five)
Love and Lou Vet!Carlos AU. Carlos helping with the bull stuck in the car call, coming to the rescue for Buttercup,and Lou I and II make an appearance. I had a lot of fun with this, it's slightly unhinged, but I'm happy with the way it turned out.
The perfect costume Nancy is throwing a Halloween party, TK wants the perfect costumes for him and Carlos. Again, slightly unhinged but the amount of research i put into Carlos' costume will make your head spin so it goes on the list. Also if the LS wardrobe department could make this happen on screen, I would be very happy.
PS I love you TK gets a letter from Gwyn on his wedding day. It's a little sad, a little bittersweet, and I think I wrote it in an hour but I'm really happy with it. The prompt I wrote it for was "Letter" and PS I love you is one of my favourite books, so I couldn't NOT write it.
California My reverse bang fic. An AU where TK checks himself into rehab in California after his OD instead of going to Austin with Owen. I really struggled with it even though I LOVE the art it's based on and I got the idea the first time I saw it. But my mental health was kind of *fart noise* while writing it. Though in the end it's almost twice as long as it was supposed to be and I'm happy with the result and proud of myself for finishing it and not giving up.
Under arrest 5 times Carlos had to arrest a member of the 126 +1 time he got arrested himself. My first 5+1! After many, many, MANY rewrites this is the result and the +1 got a little out of hand and *again* - unhinged. I basically wrote the entire fic around the last few lines.
I'm tagging @noxsoulmate @lightningboltreader @carlos-in-glasses @tailoredshirt @cold-blooded-jelly-doughnut @detective-giggles @bonheur-cafe @chaotictarlos @sanjuwrites @welcometololaland @largepeachicedtea @a-kinkajoukink
and an open tag for anyone who wants to play
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Hey, Sex Witch! This one's uhhh probably different than your usual fare BUT here goes. I'm pretty close to middle-aged, monogamous (m/f), and having some trouble with like. positions. Because we're both like ow my knees and ow my hips and yes this is the one position that seems to work but now we're BORED. Which has led to all sorts of anxiety issues around initiating and having sex at all. Do you know of any resources to help a couple of old farts out?
hi anon,
this is actually soooo normal for what I do here! a lot of Sex Witch Advice(TM) boils down to "okay, so try something different then," and that's exactly what we're going to do today!
right off the bat if knees are an issue: hey. have we tried some padding. you could buy, like, this 95 dollar sex pillow from goop if you really wanted to
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but you could also just, like, fold up your own blanket or strategically place your own pillows to do exactly the same thing! padding in general can be a huge help; just prop em up wherever you need them to support the parts of your body that need support and go to town.
or, hey, just buy some knee pads and/or knee braces. this may just be the roller skater in me talking, but knee pads are so sexy. having sex that requires its own gear is soooo sexy, and knee pads are no exception!
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this is lingerie. to me.
also, pro tip for you and anyone reading this: this also 100% applies to things like wrist or elbow braces! any supportive devices! whatever you need to support your body and keep it comfy during sex, just do that!
aside from just padding things out, let's talk about sex that requires less hip movement. y'all have, presumably, fingers and mouths and a variety of exciting erogenous zones, all of which can be combined in fun and exciting ways.
there is also a wide, WIDE world of sex toys out there to explore together. hips too achey to thrust much anymore? that's fine; just buy a thrusting vibrator and get each other off that way, babe. I've heard particularly great things about Hot Octopuss, a company that found unexpected popularity with elderly customers who enjoyed how accessible many of their toys were for bodies that aren't quite as flexible as they used to be, but obviously anything that tickles your fancy is fair game.
(just, you know. check the packaging to make sure it's body-safe. no jelly dildos, so help me god.)
it sounds like the problem absolutely isn't you and your partner not wanting to bone. in a strange way I consider it a great sign that you've gotten bored, because it tells me that you and your partner like variety and expect to have fun when you have sex together!
to me, that means you're in a fine position to get back in the swing of things by doing a little experimenting together. approach sex like a game, playing together find out what works. try things like the list of positions offered in this article, seeing what works for you, what doesn't, and what just feels silly. when something doesn't work for you, that isn't a failure - just a learning experience, and a great opportunity to laugh together.
listen, you guys are in a super cool part of life where the gift of your lived experience is starting to make itself known and require different accommodations. learning how to do that now is GREAT, because (if everything goes right) you're just going to keep getting older, and your body will continue to change! how great to get to learn what intimacy will look like as you spend more of your lives together!
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kitty-bandit · 2 months
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Jelly Bean is so cute and snuggly. It’s too bad his farts are atomic and room-clearing.
This is one stinky baby. 💕
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