Ah yes. Me, my wife, and her wife.
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BAU found family headcanons: Holiday Edition
Every Easter, Spencer lectures the team about the pagan origins of the holiday until Derek finds some way to distract him (one year everything he tries doesn’t work so he gives up and picks Spencer up fireman style and carries him off while Spencer continues talking about the spring equinox). This distraction plan usually takes at least 15 minutes and leaves Hotch with a headache for the rest of the day
The first year Emily was at the BAU for Christmas, she was a mess. She’d never really celebrated holidays growing up but the team has a huge holiday party each year which meant Emily spent a month and a half panicking and trying to find the perfect gifts for each member of the team—after excessive research on what actually is an appropriate gift for Christmas, of course. (Gideon simply grunts when he receives his gift and JJ has to spend exactly 17 minutes convincing Emily that that’s just how he is and that she did perfectly fine with all of the presents)
It was mutually decided several years ago that the 4th of July absolutely sucked. A majority of the team hates fireworks for one reason or another (they’re too loud for Spencer’s taste and a good half of the team is reminded of the sound of gunshots every time they hear fireworks go off). Once Rossi joins the team, he invites them all over to his cabin (read: mansion) about an hour from the city so that they can all escape the noise for the night of the 4th. This usually ends with all of them drunk off their asses and Garcia and Spencer playing with sparklers until they accidentally catch something on fire (Spencer once singed a piece of JJ’s hair off)
The girls usually have a Galentine's Day together for Valentine’s (a tradition Garcia started when she first joined the team and needed to make friends—JJ was all for it and Elle reluctantly joined). The BAU Bros eventually decide they feel left out and have their own Valentine’s Day celebration together which mostly involves drinking and playing golf—or, in Spencer’s case, hitting the grass with a golf club until his ball rolls five feet away.
Thanksgiving, in true BAU fashion, is absolute chaos. There are always at least 20 different kinds of food being served because each team member has their own traditions and food preferences. There’s a copious amount of alcohol and an oddly large number of pasta dishes (they only try turkey once but that leads to them almost burning Rossi’s house down and the fire department needing to be called so never again)
Reid obviously always makes a big deal about Halloween and as his friends’ kids grow older, he volunteers to take the trick or treating because he claims JJ and Hotch won’t be able to “give them the full Halloween experience” or whatever because apparently they’re no fun and have better things to be doing than knocking on every door in a 20-mile radius (Emily goes one year to help Spencer and spend time with the kids—she wears a matching vampire costume with Henry because he begged her for a month leading up to it—and after she vows to never go again, her feet are sore for a week after)
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i wanna try and make another animation what should i draw
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hanging out in the dorm hallway
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JJ: I’m going to run to the kitchen for a snack.
Penelope: Ok, but hurry. We want to watch the movie!
-a few minutes later-
JJ: I’m back.
Penelope: Alright, now can we- What’s that?
JJ: A snack.
Emily, being held bridal style by JJ: What’s up?
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this fandom is in desperate need of some funny uquiz content so I went ahead and made one. I present:
give me your criminal minds opinions and ill tell you if you pass the vibe check or not
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Penelope: everybody has a gay cousin
Emily: bitch i don't have a gay cousin
Emily: oh shit i am the gay cou- OH MY GOD
I don't know if anyone done this before with them but i thought it was funny
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paget in a scene where she opens her mouth to show her characters in shock
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Fic Rec Masterlist
moral of the story - Emily Prentiss by @agntprentiss
memento mori - Emily Prentiss by @agent-ccarter
spelling - Emily Prentiss by @fantasticfemmefatale
only if you knew, now im getting colder (part 2) - Emily Prentiss (background Spencer) by @specialagentsergio
over all - Jemily by @emilysblackturtleneck
endlessly - JJ by @sapphicstruggles
cheers - JJ x daughter by @groovygoob
pinky promise - JJ X daughter by @groovygoob
choises - Wanda Maximoff by @idkwhygregg
mission gone wrong, II - Wanda Maximoff by @mcuwritin
i bet i love you - Wanda Maximoff by @randomshyperson
Parker twins - Peter Parker by @bellero
Peggy headcannons - Peggy Carter by @cap-n-stuff
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YES THIS IS A CRY FOR HELP
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Does anyone know what episode it is where Emily says she wants to be cremated instead of buried? Help
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jj: emily!!!! you’re bleeding!
emily: huh? oh yeah this isn’t my blood.
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Ok, but what if JJ has like a childhood teddy bear that she sleeps with every night? She’s embarrassed by it when Emily first stays over, but Emily just asks what their name is and never judges (it’s Bear). Emily is the big spoon, JJ is the middle Spoon, Bear is the little spoon, Sergio sleeps on the pillows above their head.
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I'm never gonna be over them.
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LMAO THE SHIP IS RUINED FOR ME NOW AND I NEVER WANT TO THINK ABOUT IT AGAIN. i hope you’re proud.
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reid: hey rossi i need some advice
rossi: *insert sarcastic comment*
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😌 dom!emily and dom!!jj fucking each other in front of female reader as a punishment for (female) reader and not acknowledging reader
ok so i’ve always pictured emily as the mean dom and jj as the soft dom
so when readers being such a little brat doing things she knows ticks emily off
emily’s like “punishment. now.😡”
and jj tries to convince emily to go easy on her
for this particular situation i picture reader as a bit of a pillow preference
so of course emily decides that she gets no touch from her, jj, or herself
jj still feels sort of bad￼￼, however she is also benefiting from readers punishment so she doesn’t feel that sorry for her
emily makes reader sit on the floor as an extra blow to her ego while she eats jj out on the bed
and the entire time readers mewling and whining wishing that she was in jj￼’s place
sometimes jj steals glances at her but that’s about all the acknowledgment she gets
or when she tries to touch herself and emily yells at her that she’ll add on to her punishment if she can’t be good
and after she and jj switch places emily decides that she’s probably learned her lesson
but that doesn’t mean she gets any touching still
jj’s of course insistent of some sweet aftercare
so they run reader a bath reminding her that she’s still a good girl, she just needs to be reminded to keep it that way sometimes
lots of little kisses
and cuddling afterward
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Emily, in a hospital bed: hey what's my blood type?
Emily: welp guessed wrong. NURSE
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there is a specific genre of person on cm tumblr that mmmm i can’t do it. if you hate spencer enough to put it in your bio and constantly talk about it. maybe reflect a little bit on that
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im seeing lots of jj and jemily stans being agressive towards spencer and i would very much like to know who we are talking about bc i haven’t had the chance to be on tumblr all day
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