#jenna shouts into the void
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i just started rewatching 911 season 3 & i just noticed that eddie is wearing his shirt inside out in the scene where he drops chris off with buck in the first ep??? hello??
#hurts my little wardrobe person heart#how did no one on set notice???#jenna shouts into the void#911 abc
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the girl across your street || pt4
Pairing: Jenna Ortega x Fem!Reader
Summary: You imagine telling Jenna it was her that made you pursue your dreams in becoming a director. Yet, you imagine telling her you carried your love for her as if it were a burden. You made her your temple, your mural, your sky, now you weren't so sure who she was to you anymore. It was the day she came back, your soul could never be more disoriented.
Words: 3.3k
Warnings: slight angst, swearing, and probably (?) the longest chapter.
a/n: sneaked a taylor swift lyric in there
part 5 || masterlist
You feel nothing.
You feel like crying.
You feel like shouting at her.
You feel you like want to tell her how much you went through because of her.
Yet, you feel nothing more than to kiss her.
You imagine telling Jenna it was her that made you pursue your dreams in becoming a director. Yet, you imagine telling her you carried your love for her as if it were a burden. You made her your temple, your mural, your sky, now you weren't so sure who she was to you anymore. It was the day she came back, your soul could never be more disoriented.
You turned your heel, heading the way to who knows where. You just wanted to fill the consuming void of your heart with something, anything.
"Y/n! Y/n, wait, please!" Jenna's voice reached you, seeping into your heart. Yet, you blocked it out as if it were the last thing you desired, even if a part of you yearned to hear that symphony one last time.
You wanted to talk to her, you really do, but the years of pent-up anger made you hesitant. You fear you'll eventually mutter something you'll eventually regret.
"Y/n, can we talk please!? "Jenna's calls persisted, her voice trembling, and her footsteps growing louder with each plea. The ringing in your ears seemed relentless ever since she said your name.
For a moment, you stop, and for a moment, your world flickered.
"I'm surprised you even remembered my name." You turned to her, almost seeing her eyes flinch at your words.
Jenna straightened, and you couldn't help but notice the changes in her over the years. Yet, that familiar glint in her eyes remained unchanged. You don't know much about yours. "I never forgot you, Y/n."
"But you made me feel like I was."
"I didn't mean to. I—"
"What do you mean you didn't mean to, Jenna? You never told me you were moving away. You never shared anything. No texts, no calls, not even a note under my door saying you were leaving. Nothing," you began, your voice tapering off into a shaky breath, cracks surfacing.
"You called me special, one of the few you let inside your heart. Then you just went and left without a word." Tears streamed down your face as Jenna remained silent. Her lack of response told you everything. Maybe she did intend to leave, you thought, maybe she never cared about you in the first place.
"Don't you understand how much that killed me?"
Jenna's mouth opened and closed, as if she wanted to say something but couldn't find the right words. You wanted her to say something, really anything, anything if it meant being given an explanation.
"I'm— I'm sorry, Y/n. I thought you wouldn't really care, I— I'm really sorry."
"Wouldn't care? Jenna, I fucking loved you."
Her eyes widened, and yours did the same. Complete silence hung heavy in the air as you try to get a word in, play it off as if you didn't mean it.
"You loved me?"
Fuck. Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck.
A voice in your head told you were too deep to crawl out, submerged in your own emotions and turmoil to even see the sunlight.
"I hate how it's impossible to hate you, Jenna. Even after all those years, I still love you so much," you confessed, tears welling in your eyes, regret consuming the moment. "I can't even pretend that I hate you."
"Y/n, I also—"
"I have to go, Jenna. Forget this ever happened."
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It had been months working with Jenna, and it's been months since the both of you last talked. In that time, you swore on yourself to keep everything beneath you, and the relationship you have with Jenna is only for professional matters. It hurt you deep inside, as much it pains you to admit it, but you wished you never told her you loved her.
Emma decided to take on guiding Jenna whenever she encountered a problem, which, she never really did. She was a skilled actress, you always knew that from the bottom of your heart, and seeing her act was like something out of a fantasy. You also sometimes helped her, but you always kept it brief for God knows what. You'd always think that you'll someday break out into tears yet again.
You stared at Jenna from afar at your own seat, seated at the corner where one could assume that you're busy with your own things. You had your headphones own, funny how you had them instead of Jenna, listening to the songs that Jenna once recommended for you. To maybe just feel a little something beyond sadness.
'…I've been broken-hearted
Blue since the day we parted
Why, why did I ever let you go?
Mamma mia, now I really know
My-my I could never let you go…'
It's ironic how this is the song she recommended a while back. Maybe this was her way of telling you she was going away, who knows?
Somebody tapped on your headphones, and before you looked up, you already knew who it was.
"You alright, y/n?" Emma asked, sitting down in front of you with a bottle of wine. Emma was always the one who was there for you at your lowest, she can almost sense whenever you are.
She poured it into your glass, and you drank without a single breath wasted. You continue to pour more until Emma stopped your arm.
"Okaaaay, I think that was the signal that you aren't fine."
"I’m…" Your gaze shifted to Jenna, a smile covering her entire face as she tries to drink a whole bottle of scotch dared by her co-stars. You could almost laugh at it if you weren’t drinking until your vision turns black. "I'm fine, Emma, don't worry."
Emma eyed you, concern etched on her face. "You've been drinking your sorrows away, y/n. And I'm not talking about the good kind of drinking your sorrows away. It's the type where you're attempting to kill yourself." She attempted to lighten the mood with a smile, but your attention remained fixed on Jenna.
Emma followed your gaze and then turned back to you. "You guys should talk."
Your eyes shot to her, "What do you mean?"
"You and Jenna. You think I haven’t seen you guys looking at each other from afar?" Her mouth curved into a smirk, taking her own glass and a sip of it.
You glanced back at your playlist, the cover being Jenna herself. "I don’t want to talk to her, Emma. I mean, what would I even say?"
"I don't know, y/n. Give her a chance to talk to you. You never really did since the last time you guys talked."
"How'd you know?" Regret flooded in as you realized you let your anger get the best of you that time. You were always the one to calm down before exploding, what happened to you?
"Jenna miiight've told me." Emma noticed your furrowed eyebrows and the slight of regret in your eyes. "Don't be mad at her, y/n. She doesn't really have anyone to talk to about you."
"I… I'm not mad. Just wished she talked to me." Fiddling with your phone, your voice faltered to a whisper.
Emma sighed, it's like she was talking to a toddler at this point. "She couldn't when you built walls over her, y/n. Every time she talks to you, you dismiss her."
"I'm—"
"You're too afraid to let her into your heart one last time, y/n, I know, but continuing to do that won't let anything progress between the two of you. If anything, it just makes you more scared. Take the risk, y/n, you always loved doing that before."
Your eyes met hers, and you were surprised by the seriousness in Emma's gaze. You never really expected Emma to give a heartfelt talk, everytime she comforts you, it always had a little fun in it, but this time it was different. "You're literally the last person I should be getting a tedtalk from." You finally smiled.
Emma returned the smile, grateful she had brought some lightness back into your expression after weeks of it gone. "What can I say? I'm versatile!" Both of you turned your attention back to Jenna, who looked your way before averting her gaze.
"Looks like she's also hoping you'd come to her." Emma stood up, ready to join the rest of the group. "You'll talk to her, right?"
"I'll try."
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It was already nearing midnight, and the store was about to close. You and Emma were settling the tab for the night's expenses while the rest of the group tidied up and exchanged goodbyes but Jenna stayed on the pool table poorly wasted and most likely unconscious to the bone.
After expressing gratitude to the bar owner, you and Emma exchanged glances, both sharing concern in your eyes while looking at Jenna.
"You take her home," Emma said, running to grab her jacket, keys, and already waving goodbye.
"Wait, what!?"
"Take care, love you always!" Emma dashed to the door and swiftly made her way to her car, leaving you alone with Jenna.
"Wait! Emma!—" you shouted before turning your attention back to Jenna. You sighed, picked up her bag, and draped her coat over her. Taking a deep breath, you lifted Jenna in your arms, her limbs wrapping around your neck as her head hung low.
After several minutes of struggling to open the door with one hand, managing different heavy bags, fiddling with your car keys, and taking care of Jenna, you finally got the car door open. Carefully, you seated Jenna inside, securing her seatbelt.
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You took her in your house just across from her old one. Oh how you've missed the feeling of being with her in this neighborhood.
You kicked off your shoes then walked to your bedroom where you carefully placed Jenna onto your bed.
Sitting down beside her, you immediately realized exhaustion took a toll on you. Your eyes were already falling heavy from the amount of work you exerted, though you knew you needed a shower.
You glanced at Jenna, wondering how she even knew you were filming a set. You were an upcoming director, sure, but you never really worked on big movies with a big budget or even working with big creators. But your name was definitely known somewhat.
Sighing, you stood up to fetch clean clothes and a towel, turning on the faucet for a much-needed shower.
In your time of organizing your things and fetching some clothes, you wonder why Jenna even did all of this. You knew Jenna wasn't the one for being pressured, especially in the entertainment network. She knew a lot of people who succumbed to the pressure of being in the spotlight, a walking billboard who has less control over their life as she would say. But you also knew acting is her passion, and she embraces it like a shooting star. You could only hope she wouldn't be burnt out by the increasing amount of workload she has.
With your eyes and brain already falling asleep, you turn the lights on at your bedroom with fresh clothes hanging by your arm. You close your eyes for a brief second, trying to not get the lights shined bright at you like you just walked by heavens gate.
"Wooahoh, holy shit— fuck!"
To your surprise, Jenna was awake, and staring you dead in the eyes with her iconic Kubrik stare. Damn, after all those years, she still has that flair for scaring the living shit out of somebody.
She was sitting on the ledge of the balcony, the cold wind of air in your street brought her a sense of nostalgia. She held the broken DSLR you owned, and you noticed the faint sound of your voices, distorted by glitches.
"You kept your DSLR?"
You went over to the bathroom then turned off the faucet, placing your clothes on a hanger placed on a wall. "Well, it's my first camera. Of course, I did." You called out.
You approached Jenna, sitting down with her on the ledge. You looked up at her, and you were suddenly reminded how you fell for her in the first place.
She fiddled with the camera, scrolling through the videos until she reached the last one.
"Aliyah! Aliyah, wait!"
"Y/n! Hey…"
"Where's—Where's Jenna? Is she going back to your house for her birthday?"
"Didn't she tell you? She's going across the country; she just got cast for a character in a film!"
You could only hear the faint sound of your camera crashing onto the ground and your glitchy 'what?' being muttered in the background before the battery on your camera dies. You look up to see Jenna's face, looking like she regrets everything she has done.
"I'm—I'm sorry for saying those things when we talked." You started, getting close to her until you were facing her and in arms reach. "I should've given you the time to say your side of the story."
She put the camera down on a table that was close to your window. "It's fine, I understand, I mean, I was a total shithead." Her voice was raspy, likely from recently waking up.
You laughed a bit, funny how she was the only one that made you laugh after the years she made you cry. "You never changed."
She looked up at you, a spark coming alive in her eyes as she tries to get comfortable in your space. "I could also say the same to you, dork."
"Hey, people say I've grown out of that phase."
"You're still that same dork to me. Always so eager to film a scene, going out of your way to do some idiotic shit on film, and that sparkle in your eyes stayed the same."
It was always something from Jenna that made you absolutely mad at her. Whether it was the sound of her voice, her laugh, the warmth of her touch, her aura, the beauty of her entire being, the words she'd say, it always made you so in love with her. But what you surrendered to is the beauty of her soul. And now, it feels as if you were now so deeply in love with her like never before.
At that moment, you could only hear the beat of your heart banging against your ears. You wanted to capture this moment in time and remember it forever.
Your eyes went over to Jenna's lips then looked back at her, her eyes speaking to you as if you both knew what you wanted from each other.
You leaned in ever so slightly, your breath ghosting on Jenna's lips before laying your lips onto Jenna's.
She pressed against your body, her arms wrapping around your waist while your hands cupped her cheeks.
You, in your life, could never describe the feeling to its utmost perfection. You just couldn't. If you ever did, you'd be lying. It was perfect, more than perfect. You couldn't describe it with only one, or even a million words. No sentence, no word, no phrase, no living or dying poet could ever write the moment you're feeling without having to find new words to describe it.
Her lips onto yours was like finally finding that one puzzle piece, her body leaning onto yours was like the tides crashing with the sea, your hand holding her face was like holding the whole world in your hands. You've completely lost yourself, you knew it in your soul, and your heart was now devoured by this girl, and you had no means in returning it.
Before the touch of her lips on yours, you were nothing. You never knew how starved you were, you never knew how much you longed for the touch of her lips onto yours, you never knew how insane you were up until this point, you never knew how love could burn this bright. Especially loving Jenna. Oh, especially loving her.
And then it was all gone, and realization settled in.
You kissed her.
Holy shit you kissed her.
You kissed her and it felt like heaven.
You looked at her in disbelief, how she even accepted your kiss was even more shocking than this. "I'm.. I'm so sorry, was that okay—"
And now, it was her turn to cup your cheeks and kiss you ever so passionately. You melted in her lips, the scent of her perfume consuming your heart entirely, making you go crazy. You sighed against her kiss, you feel her body going closer to you as she finally settled on your lap.
She pulled away, your eyes still closed as she laughs.
"I'd do anything and everything for you, y/n. Just, please, love me again." You opened your eyes to see the only girl you've loved in your entire life say something out of a romantic film.
You chuckle at her words, "I never fell out of it, Jenna. I always loved you."
"Does... does this mean we're, like, girlfriends?" You asked, a serious question by the way, as if kissing two times never really did the trick on you.
Jenna laughed, she laughed. The symphony to your ears came back, though you can finally listen to it forever.
"Oh my God, you really are such a dork."
"Seriously! I'm asking nicely!"
"Yes! Yes we are. You're my girlfriend now."
"And you're my girlfriend. Oh my god, I'm dating Jenna fucking Ortega everyone!" You shouted to the rooftops, couldn't really give a damn if you just woke the whole neighborhood up while Jenna just laughed with you.
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"You never told me why you had to move out." You questioned. The both of you were on your bed, Jenna being beside you and you were beside Jenna. You turned to your side, while Jenna turned to hers.
She looked at you up and down before saying her explanation. "Because I loved you. Too."—She added.
You immediately sat up, "What? What do you mean?"
Jenna stayed in bed, turning on her back. "It's stupid, so stupid. My mom's friends with different directors, right?"
"So she told me I needed to go across the country because she recommended me to one of the directors there and you know me, I wasn't that skilled at acting so I needed training."
"I reluctantly accepted the offer because... because I knew you liked the Scream Franchise. I thought maybe if I had accepted this job offer, you'd watch the full thing and you'd like me back in some way.
"But I didn't think it'd tear us apart. I was jammed-packed with schedules, I'm sorry, y/n. I tried calling and texting you after the film but I heard you changed your number and refused to give my parents your new one."
"When I heard you were an upcoming director, I knew I had to get on one of your movies, but my manager refrained from me taking several movies at once, you know, for my mental health. But when I finally got the chance to get on set with you, I was estatic." She explained her whole story, and you on the hand, felt guilty of ever ignoring her the past few months of filming .
"I didn't know. I'm so sorry I didn't let you speak when we met. I should've waited for your response, I never knew you... liked me back." You reached out for her hand, your thumb grazing over her palm
"I'm a great actor, y/n. I thought you knew that by now." She laughed, and then you laughed with her while going back down to bed.
"Will you go move in soon?" You asked, "well, not move in, but move back in this neighborhood."
"Maybe, someday."
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a/n: we're probablyyy nearing the end of this story. i just wanna thank you guys in advance for all the lovely comments! they make my day so much better and i always look forward to writing more chapters because of it. thank you all so much, i appreciate all of you!
taglist/s: @belatrixdragon , @mirage018 , @starstrzck
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his type
[part two of a series]
↳ ❝ [summary] ¡! ❞
after a bit of teasing about your apparent ‘crush’ on eren on your friend’s part, you and “the homegirls” finally make it to the paradis concert.
after the show, the six of you head backstage to receive your v.i.p treatment and instead you get eren’s attention, which—as you’ll find out, is more weight than you can bear
previous | series masterlist | next
——————————✩———————————
it was all fun and games until you actually got there
you felt out of place
to be fair, you came for the networking opportunity and that super attractive guitarist, so it’d be unfair to compare you to a fan.
but still, you felt wrong being there—like you took the spot from someone more deserving than yourself.
the pestering flavor of coffee sat heavy on the back of your tongue as you looked amongst the mingling fans—all the faces reduced to featureless paint smears in the darkness.
surprisingly, none of your friends were speaking, at least not too loud—even sasha, which was frightening.
and so, you were forced into what was, practically eavesdropping on fans; all of which were in varying degrees of fandom
“that album—oh my fucking god—they ate”
“—devoured!”
another conversation.
“i’m gonna fucking cry—“
“—jenna, if you cry—we’re going home”
and another.
“eren is so hot—one chance, please”
you chuckled a bit hearing that, because shit—this person is just like you for saying that
but you quirked a brow at what their friend said in response, “well, you know what they been saying about him, you might be—“
another voice, “—don’t even give her false hope—bitch, this isn’t wattpad”
the trio laughs but you’d already stopped paying attention at that point
what have they been saying about eren?
might be what?
from the undertone of the conversation, and the person begging for ‘one chance’ with him, you’d guess that the rumors were alluding to eren being something of a playboy
you sighed; you’re not surprised—he’s young, he’s pretty, and he’s in a band—of course he’s a fuckboy
“you okay—?“
“—oh! miki. . .” your shoulders tense as mikasa’s sultry voice funneled into your ears
you did eventually realize that it was her, and calmed down some; you blinked, finally answering her question, “yeah. . .yeah! i’m alright! i just—i don’t know, i’ve just never really been to a concert, i guess”
“oh, i know how you feel, but you’ll have fun. and if you need some—“ “—let’s fucking go!” before mikasa could finish, the stage lights flicked on, and the boys came on stage all at once
thankfully, you’d done some research on paradis while waiting for the girls in the parking lot—all that fussing, and you were still there first—so you recognized all of the guys and their respective positions
connie, the one coming with so much energy was the drummer—“are you ready, [h/t]?!” he continued, rousing all kinds of ‘yeahs’ from the audience
“then make some fucking noise” another screamed, an attractive fry to his voice
jean : bassist and sub-vocalist—he was pretty fucking popular, too. the sea of fans responded with screeches, some of which consisted of obscene ‘daddy’s’ and ‘fuck me’s’ shouted into the void
these motherfuckers are insane.
seriously, you’d think some kpop group was on the stage right now.
armin, the lead vocalist pouts, “you guys sound bored, c’mon”
you scan the stage, and that’s the moment that man appears, out of nowhere.
eren, the guitarist—though he needs no introduction; he’s the most popular member, for fuck’s sake
he saunters toward the front of the stage, single-handedly causing an uproar in the audience—and why would he not—let’s not kid ourselves here; this man looks fucking good.
waves of brown hair cascading freely down his shoulders, green eyes tinted through the shades he decided to wear inside—but he’s hot so it’s okay
he was shirtless, leading all the attention to his lean—i mean, neckless—of course, the key neckless which he always wore, according to the website you were staring at in your car twenty minutes ago
whether it had sentimental value or he just thought it looked cool, you might not ever know, but it was still eye catching nonetheless
draws attention to that abdomen of his. . .
fuck.
but wait, there’s more; the pants—those fucking leather pants, the light was doing a great job at making it known just how. . .excited he was before getting on stage
either that or, he was just that impressive
after all that time you spent utterly eye-fucking this man, he finally opens his mouth
shit
“if you want us to give it to you, you’re gonna fucking scream, alright?”
sultry, deep, husky—it brought you back to your old boy band days—you’re ashamed to admit that you already started imagining him whispering things to you, dirty things
“one more try” he continues, “make some motherfucking noise!”
he said ‘noise’, and the fans delivered.
all you could hear was noise.
your feelings of isolation only got worse when the music started—if you could even call it that—you could only hear the bass as it boomed from the super-sized speakers above; the only thing cutting through it all was armin’s voice, with occasional harmonies from eren and jean
they sounded nice, but god was everything so fucking loud
you looked over to find everyone having a good time, but you
sasha and historia were screaming the lyrics—regardless of the fact that sasha did not know a single one—and jumping up and down, with mikasa and ymir standing protectively behind them to ensure their safety
they were bobbing their heads to the beat, too. hell, even annie seemed to be enjoying herself; nodding her head and mouthing the words to the chorus
it wasn’t until mikasa hurriedly handed you the earplugs she had forgotten to give you that you saw what all the fuss was about.
there’s nothing for you to say except. . .
you get it, now
you felt like middle schooler, screaming in the audience—it was fun—they’d only performed a few songs, it felt like, before armin looked at the audience with a pitiful smile, “alright, so for this last song—“ the crowd, including you, responded with childish whines
“you guys always do this—“ armin shakes his head with a laugh, to which jean smiled, “yeah, shit’s gotta end eventually”
the whining subsided, and armin continued, “so for this last song, we wanted you guys to sing. . .” the chords to an unknown—to you at least—track began to play
there was a nervous tension in the air, “eren, start ‘em off!”
eren smirks, jade eyes focused on his instrument as he played the audience in, “there is nothing you can do that i have not already done to my self, there is nothing you could do that i have not already done to myself—“
you paused, you’ve heard this song before.
never wanted to dance—that’s it’s name—you’d heard it on historia’s playlist while sleeping over at her and ymir’s place.
“there is nothing you could do that i have not already done to myself—“
“—never wanted to dance with nobody—“ a few voices started to sing, but quickly died down upon realizing how alone they were
the guys of paradis are reduced to nothing but disappointed groans and looks,“oh come on! you were just screaming loud as fuck—could barely hear ourselves” connie chided, so upsets it seems, that he almost fell off his chair
“scream!” jean and armin encouraged, and eren continued with their sentiment, “we don’t give a fuck if you think you sound bad—just give us everything you got, alright?”
they start over, and at first it seems the result will be the same until a voice from the audience starts screaming the lyrics
“never wanted to dance with nobody but you—!”
you knew that voice anywhere.
historia.
“fuck yeah, go crazy!” connie praised, gearing up to play his part
historia’s shrill voice lands all eyes on her but she clearly didn’t give a fuck, she was screaming;
“never wanted to dance with nobody but you wouldn’t take no for an answer—you fucking bitch!” it was so strange hearing historia swear, but your ‘homegirls’ seemed cool with it and she was jamming so you smiled at her
“never wanted to dance, with nobody but you—!“ sasha joined, jumping up and down like a child.
gotta love the enthusiasm.
it wasn’t long before the entire venue was alive, all screaming the same lyrics to the same song
it was electric.
you forgot what you were originally there for, not remembering until the six of you were in the bathroom, freshening up
“did you have fun?” mikasa combed her fingers through her hair, glancing at all of you through the mirror,
“are you kidding?” historia laughed, “i’m ecstatic about it!”
“life-changing!” sasha giggled, almost as if she was loopy, and ymir nodded, “it was pretty fun”
“not bad” that’s annie for: i had fun
“that’s better. . .” you let out a sigh as you stared at yourself in the mirror
all the excitement left you with a youthful glow, but the screaming left you looking like you hadn’t slept in five years
if you’re gonna be meeting eren and agency representatives, you’re gonna need to look decent
it wasn’t long after you chugged a bunch of water, and fixed your appearance, that sasha was already dragging you towards the door
“okay! let’s go backstage—i can smell the food from here!”
“why are you always hungry?”
as soon as you walked into the room, reps were already flooding mikasa; it wasn’t long before they turned their attention to you
your friends left you alone to converse with them, and you’d scheduled a couple castings before skipping up to your friends—who was talking to the band—holy shit, they’re looking at you.
deadass, they all just stopped whatever they were doing and looked at you—maybe it was because you so hard to ignore when you were literally beaming
“hi! i’m [y/n]! i’m friends with them!”
“oh, hey!” they all greeted, “nice to meet you”
all of you moved the ensuing conversation to a seating area in the corner.
seeing as there was no room left on the couch your friends decided to sit on, you plopped yourself down on the loveseat across from them
you started cursing yourself out the moment eren slid into the empty seat beside you—because of course he did
your heart was slamming against your rib cage, meanwhile, eren was chilling. your best effort to combat this was just pretending he didn’t exist
you looked around you.
it was crazy; they were just like the movies, so cool and laid back—or maybe it’s the drugs, you thought, cutting your eyes to eren, who was shamelessly rolling up on the glass table—already reminded of his existence
he glanced up at you, a teasing smile playing on his lips, “you smoke?”
“no—no, i don’t. but thank you” you clear your throat and force a chuckle.
“sure, princess” the nickname flowed from his lips so effortlessly; he already moved on, but you were still shocked about it.
your body was tense, but armin smiled at you sweetly as asked you a question, “you’re the same age as miki, right?”
you smiled upon hearing the nickname come from him
they must’ve been friends before, too
seemingly interested, connie asked follow-up questions, leaning his body towards you, “you in college? what’s your major?”
you nodded feverishly, telling them your major with a proud smile; they smiled back.
“got a partner?”
you could feel his burning gaze on you, and everyone who was once talking stopped to look at the brunette
his bandmates looked quite dissatisfied with him
mikasa’s weighty gaze burdened him, but eren didn’t seem to notice.
she sighed, and turned to you with a softer glance, “[n/n], you can come sit by me, if—“
“—no need to be like that” eren chuckled, lighting the blunt resting between his lips, “she’s hot, i’m not allowed to think that?”
jean crosses his arms, “yeah, but you don’t need to eye-fuck her, man”
“sorry,” he looked at you, “i’d say he’s not normally like this but. . .”
resting his arms behind you, eren leans back; you made the mistake of looking at him—of course, what you find is him staring back at you with those damn eyes of his
“. . .just returning the favor”
you tried to hide it, but you couldn’t deny how your body became rigid after he said that to you
did he really see that? that is so embarrassing—fuck
it was only worsened when you tried to explain yourself, only coming out as stammers
“i—i wasn’t—“
“—you never answered my question” you were humiliated, like a small girl underneath his gaze.
you cast your eyes down to your lap, “no. i don’t have one—a partner”
“good.” he leans towards you, shoulders touching yours; his breath was fanning against the shell of your ears
the leather beneath him made noise as he moved his hands; his calloused fingers graze the back of your neck and you shivered at this.
“so is it cool if i—“
“—pause.” ymir stood up, the sudden action gaining everyone’s attention
she walks toward you, and you seriously thought they were about to start boxing, “thanks for the hospitality.” thankfully, she just grabbed you—yanking you to your feet with a wild amount of force.
“but we’re leaving.”
tags!
@butterfly-skinnylegend
@y-yinyang
#black reader#anime#fanfic#attack on titan#attack on titan eren#eren x black reader#eren x black y/n#eren x reader#aot smau#eren jaeger#aot x reader#text fic
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A lovely new interview with Jenna Coleman and Aidan Turner about their play, Lemons Lemons Lemons Lemons Lemons!
Some highlights from the interview:
“No props, no furniture. Nothing to hide behind.” Sliding into a seat across the table from him, Jenna Coleman replies mischievously: “Unless I hide behind you.”
Three weeks into rehearsals, the laughter between the two actors is quick and easy. More familiar with larger casts, Turner describes the experience as a uniquely “intimate creative endeavour”.
They are two of Britain and Ireland’s biggest TV stars of the past decade, but joking around in the rehearsal room, they seem like old friends, entirely void of the uptightness of fame.
“My grandma met you at Wimbledon,” Coleman reminds Turner. “We got sat together for sandwiches between sets. My grandma was like: ‘Look at his hair!’ I think she went to touch it.” Coleman slaps an imaginary wrist away. “‘You can’t touch Aidan’s hair!’” They appear relaxed and comfortable, chatting breezily before we dive into any actual questions. When Coleman lists the reasons why she said yes to taking the part, she finishes with, “ … and Aidan”. He nods smugly and she rolls her eyes.
Towards the end of the play, Steiner writes a scene that allows the actors a moment of wild relief. Amid growing tension, a whole day’s words are gleefully thrown away with a song. The intention is for each production to choose a different song, so what’s it to be? “No way!” shouts Turner, waving his arms excitedly. “No way am I telling!” They spent an entire day auditioning songs, Coleman reveals, like an extremely intense round of karaoke.
“I have a very limited vocal range,” Turner admits, “but Jenna’s got a great voice. If the range is here” – he stretches out his arms – “I can do this bit.” His hands come in, a few centimetres apart. “The idea behind the song is that they haven’t sung out loud in so long, so they just enjoy shouting and screaming for a minute before they run out. We need to find the right tone for that.”
Coleman nods sagely, and pauses for a moment: “It’s Joseph and his Technicolor Dreamcoat.” She grins.
“Damn it,” yells Turner. Coleman starts humming “red and yellow and green” at him, before they both give up on words and surrender to infectious laughter.
#jenna coleman#jenna louise coleman#aidan turner#lemons the play#lemons lemons lemons lemons lemons#the guardian#interview#photoshoot
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Do u ever get so angry you just. shake?
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I am once again missing Jenna Marbles 😭
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I don’t wanna be mean bc I like Jenna but for the first time ever since I’m watching this show a character made think “yeah you’re not believable in this role”. I don’t know if it was the acting or, like you pointed out, the outfit but for me it was that case when you see an actor and they just don’t fit the role idk
I agree!
I remember Jenna from waaaay back in Step Up, and she was fun and clearly enjoying herself there. This role doesn’t seem to fit her same way. That could the costuming - that turnout gear is TRAGIC!
But, I more strongly feel it is the writing.
You could cast the best actor in this role, and they would still fall flat because this character is lacking depth. All we know about her is that she showed up in a towel, is a woman in a predominantly male profession, that she has unique fight skills and she sucks at relationships.
For me, this mirrors the same problem that they ran into with Jessica’s relationship. Nolan may be as old as Moses, but he is new at his job, - the mistake they keep making is pairing him what women who are settled and would want the next thing. If we have to suffer through a relationship, it should be someone who like him, has grown kids, and is at the start of a new career.
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omg. i have a PROBLEM with this person and something they said. ugh. so mad. what should i do about it? oh! i know! go on social media and VAGUE post about them. that’s going to solve ALL of my problems. i’ve cracked the code
#i DON'T UNDERSTAND IT#AND I NEVER HAVE#i understand venting#bc it feels good to shout into the void#but when you're doing it bc you don't like a person??? or it's over discourse?? or you feel the need to vague post every time u see someone-#-say something you don't like?#you're not helping yourself#that's not venting that's not going to make yourself feel better#i promise you.... dealing with things and reaching out to someone privately is more honourable and productive#or just moving on#anyway#speaking of venting i had to get this off my chest bc i'm just confused sjfksdfjksdf#every time i see a vague post i'm like. truly how old are you#jenna rambles
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Hi KC Readers,
After a long break, we are back with our weekly releases! We apologize for the delay but we have reached the end of the week which means we have new weekly releases for you! The stories below were updated during the week of May 22nd - May 28th.
Happy Reading!
FanFiction.Net
Something Like Love (Chapter 8)
Author: Recklessnesspersonified
Rating: M
Length: 20,346
Summary: Klaus Mikaelson was a bad boy, the quintessential jock or so Caroline Forbes had thought until one night their paths cross in the school hallways. He was different, intense and she was falling for him, but soon she finds out it was all a sham. Will she forgive him or would they break up before they confess their true love? AU/AH
Date of update: May 23 2021
Klaus POV - The Trouble with Spells (Chapter 26)
Author: ilovetf
Rating: M
Length: 105,863
Summary: I think the title is self explanatory. The Trouble with Spells as seen through Klaus's eyes and his POV. Over the years, people kept liking this story and some even asked for Klaus POV, so I decided to give it a try. Hope you enjoy it. All feedback is more than welcome. Good or bad.
Date of update: May 23 2021
High Stakes
Author: stardancer10
Rating: M
Length: 4,105
Summary: When Klaus died something in Caroline broke. She could not take anymore of Mystic Falls and she left. In her travels she finds herself doing things that she knew others wouldn't agree with, but she did what she felt was right. It was a gamble she was willing to take, something she felt that she owed him.
Date of update: May 23 2021
Purgatory (Chapter 22)
Author: Scarletborn
Rating: M
Length: 333,312
Summary: Caroline Forbes always thought that evil creatures and demons belonged to Hell. What she did not know was that vampires belonged to Purgatory. A place worse than hell where the only thing that mattered was survival. A place where enemies turned into allies and foes into friends. [Klaus/Caroline AU story set mostly in New Orleans]
Date of update: May 24 2021
The Wolf II (Chapter 11)
Author: yokan87
Rating: T
Length: 4,718
Summary: The Guerreras' threat still looms over the Mikaelson house as Caroline tries to adapt to life as a vampire, away from her daughter. But an unexpected family reunion makes everything worse, taking away the little peace Klaus, Caroline and Elijah managed to find after the war that nearly broke them. [It's TO S2, but Caroline was a witch, had Klaus' baby and now she's a vampire]
Date of update: May 26 2021
Vampires suck (Chapter 4)
Author: Miss.Mystic.Falls
Rating: T
Length: 5,583
Summary: What would happen if Caroline knew about vampires way before the Salvatore brothers come to Mystic Falls.
Date of update: May 28 2021
Archive of Our Own
No Reservations (Chapter 3)
Author: PumpkinDoodles
Rating: M
Length: 6,890
Summary: Caroline Forbes is having a tiny crisis: her restaurant partner and co-chef has disappeared again and isn't returning her calls. Caroline cannot function without Stefan. Her kitchen staff starts making jokes about getting her meds for irritability and she takes out her issues on helpless chicken breasts. It's not fun on a good day. But when tragedy strikes, Caroline's forced to work with a new chef. She doesn't remember meeting him in New Orleans--but Klaus Mikaelson remembers her.
Date of update: May 22 2021
Sibling Rivalry Redux - Adventures in Polyamory (Chapter 3)
Author: kcatdino
Rating: M
Length: 4,105
Summary: In which Klaus and Rebekah are both bi, their taste in men and women overlaps infuriatingly often, and they argue over their newest shared interest.
In which Caroline feels like she might be a sugar baby, but no one’s dating her and she hasn’t gotten any in so long. Like, basically since meeting her new best friends, Klaus and Rebekah. Weird, right?
Date of update: May 22 2021
Darkness Becomes Thee (Chapter 6)
Author: BelleMorte180
Rating: E
Length: 32,424
Summary: Austria 1300s When Klaus met a young girl on a riverbank, he knew that he would one day come back for her. When he looked into her bright blue eyes, he could see a reflection of his own soul, a darkness that lingered inside both of them. When the young girl turned into a beautiful woman with a thirst for blood, his fascination with her turns into obsession. He wants not only her loyalty but her eternity, a possessiveness that is equally returned. or my "Caroline is the serial killer Elizabeth Bathory" au.
Date of update: May 23 2021
The Big Bad Wolf (Chapter 9)
Author: MorningStarGirl666
Rating: M
Length: 66,087
Summary: He was the Big, Bad Wolf of this story, there was no doubt about that. But Caroline? She was the light to his darkness, the moon that shone brighter than even the stars in a sky of endless void. Like every wolf, he fell in love with the moon, and every month, he was destined to cry for a love he would never touch.
Date of update: May 23 2021
Klaus vs the Soulmate Goose
Author: kcatdino
Rating: T
Length: 2,129
Summary: Klaus has met his match in the form of a goose as immortal and obstinate as he is: The Soulmate Goose of Enforcement. Will he succeed in killing the magical creature or will it force him to accept what’s in his heart?
Date of update: May 23 2021
Louder Than Thunder (Chapter 28)
Author: khaleesiofthewolves
Rating: M
Length: 179,641
Summary: All Hell was about to break loose. After dying while protecting a grieving Klaus, Caroline finds herself sent back in time, and she's not who she once was. She's more. Back in Mystic Falls, something else is stirring. After the arrival of a mysterious figure from Klaus' past, it all comes to a head. It really is louder than thunder.
Date of update: May 24 2021
We are young (Chapter 17)
Author: kcatdino
Rating: T
Length: 20,572
Summary: Basically, Klaroline flirt in front of their kids who they are barely older than, and Landon is appropriately confused. Edit: Now a series of one-shots! Edit 2: Oh my god, this has plot now!
Date of update: May 24 2021
Our Time Now (Chapter 4)
Author: perfectpro
Rating: M
Length: 52,838
Summary: Caroline is going to spend her senior year getting into the law school of her choice, leading the cheerleading squad to a nationals title, and passing her sorority presidency to someone who will continue a legacy of excellence. She doesn't have time to figure out what's happening with her relationship with Klaus - not that it's much of a relationship to begin with.
Date of update: May 24 2021
I See Dead Cheerleaders (Chapter 4)
Author: PumpkinDoodles
Rating: M
Length: 7,865
Summary: When Caroline saves Jenna from Klaus's sacrifice ritual and is killed instead, she vows to haunt Klaus Mikaelson forever. Never underestimate the determination of Miss Mystic Falls.
Date of update: May 25 2021
Finding Out the Truth in a Year or Even in a Century
Author: klarolineshipperxoxo
Rating: G
Length: 1,348
Summary: Caroline goes with Stefan to New Orleans in search of Klaus 18 years after the events of TVD 5x22 and TO 1x22 but things don't go as planned and buried feelings are unearthed.
Date of update: May 25 2021
Klaroline Returns (Chapter 2)
Author: kcatdino
Rating: T
Length: 8,010
Summary: The savior of Gotham, Catwoman, is Caroline Forbes, flighty heiress by day. But what happens when her worlds collide in the form of reporter Klaus Mikaelson and her worst supervillain, The Hybrid?
Date of update: May 25 2021
witchy business (Chapter 4)
Author: MaddestMaid3n
Rating: M
Length: 13,783
Summary: "A little birdie told me you might have a book or two that might pique my interest,” “Well, that depends on your interests," Caroline's just trying to survive Marcel's New Orleans. Colluding with an Original was so not on her to-do list.
Date of update: May 25 2021
Klaus’ Thousand Year Plan to be Her Last (Chapter 3)
Author: anncatherine
Rating: T
Length: 4,022
Summary: So these are some missing Klaroline scenes from my Elena/Elijah soulmate fic that I couldn’t include because they either didn’t fit or needed to be form Klaus or Caroline’s pov. I think it would be helpful to read at least the first couple chapters of that for background, but basically at twelve people’s soulmate’s birthday shows up on their wrist.
Date of update: May 26 2021
what a wave you have made
Author: sekretny
Rating: T
Length: 3,413
Summary: “Do you really hate me this much?” She shouts in frustration. Klaus looks her in the eye, their gazes locked in a battle of fiery tempers. “Hate you…” He repeats with every ounce of venom he can muster. After ransacking the contents of his backpack, he removes a sketchbook Caroline has never seen before. He starts to flip furiously through the pages, “You have given me more than enough reasons to hate you, sweetheart,” he spits while he looks for a specific page. He finds it and turns the sketchbook around to show her. Klaus makes his feelings for Caroline visibly clear.
Date of update: May 26 2021
The Concept of Time (Chapter 3)
Author: BelleMorte180
Rating: E
Length: 19,640
Summary: Pairs, France 1864 After learning some distressing news, Klaus seeks out the advice of a friend in the middle of the night and meets a mysterious woman who leaves him with more questions than answers. She hands him a journal filled with the mad ramblings about time by a man named Lorenzo St. John and sees a curious date tattooed on her shoulder. Klaus can think of little else after their first meeting and tracks her down at a burlesque club in the wrong part of the city. Klaus begins to wonder if he can solve the mystery of Caroline Forbes or simply be lost in what has deemed to be impossible.
Date of update: May 26 2021
Revenge of the Fifth - TVD Edition (Chapter 3)
Author: kcatdino
Rating: M
Length: 6,168
Summary: A star wars AU for vampire dairies for May the Fourth Be with You! Caroline, Bonnie, and Elena are padawan learners at Luke Skywalker’s new Jedi training academy, desperate to prove themselves by taking down some of the new Sith Lords that have popped up. The problem is, those Sith Lords are the Mikaelsons, and each girl has a Mikaelson brother obsessed with them, unwilling to let them come to harm. Will that make it harder or easier for them to triumph over the Dark Side?
Date of update: May 26 2021
Smoke Signals
Author: misssophiachase
Rating: T
Length: 3,017
Summary: "You, you must have been looking for me...sending smoke signals" Professional photographer Caroline Forbes and firefighter Klaus Mikaelson keep running into each other. It’s either the universe playing a joke on them or Katherine’s ‘accidental’ matchmaking. Or maybe it's a bit of both?
Date of update: May 27 2021
Reasons Not to Date a Mikaelson (Chapter 8)
Author: kcatdino
Rating: T
Length: 15,851
Summary: Bonnie and Caroline gain a new roommate for their freshman dorm when a vision leads them to tracking down a pregnant Hayley in the Rockies. Also, Bonnie may or may not have raised a certain dead Original instead of Jeremy and Klaus takes a job at Whitmore teaching, to be annoying. He’s very good at it. This is a season 5 rewrite where the Originals never leave for New Orleans. But you know, with comedy. And increasing angst with every chapter.
Date of update: May 27 2021
if you want me to fall (Chapter 2)
Author: FeyresUnbecoming
Rating: T
Length: 1,807
Summary: Caroline and Klaus scramble out of bed before Rebekah can find the two of them, lest she find out they've been sleeping together.
Date of update: May 27 2021
Good to you - Side Stories and Prompts
Author: originalhybridlover
Rating: T
Length: 801
Summary: So this is going to be a set a side stories or prompts related to my Klaroline story, Good to You
Date of update: May 28 2021
Genuine Beauty: Klaroline Canon-ish Drabble Collection
Author: Klauscarolove
Rating: M
Length: 30,884
Summary: Klaroline Drabble Collection: Close Canon, Canon Compliant, Canon-ish, Canon Universe....... basically if they are vampires in the drabble, it will go here.
Date of update: May 27 2021
Klaroline Storybook (Chapter 44)
Author: misssophiachase
Rating: T
Length: 63,904
Summary: A new selection of Klaroline drabbles
Date of update: May 28 2021
Lost Through Time (Chapter 7)
Author: Life_is_a_fantasy
Rating: Unavailable
Length: 4,173
Summary: What will happen when Hope, Landon, Lizzie and Josie fall through a time portal? Will they change things, even if they don't mean to? How will Klaus react to knowing his daughter has a boyfriend?
Date of update: May 28 2021
When your family is too nosy.... (Chapter 3)
Author: kcatdino
Rating: Unavailable
Length: 4,349
Summary: Klaus’s plan to get back at Rebekah by staying friends with Stefan backfires spectacularly when Stefan and Stefan’s ex-girlfriend Caroline convince him to fake a relationship at his family’s get-together at the beach. Sure, Rebekah will probably assume Caroline’s a prostitute and the rest of his family are too nosy for his own good, but what could go wrong? (I will add a rating later when I decide how explicit the smut will be)
Date of update: May 28 2021
LITTLE TENSE (Chapter 4)
Author: wincefish16
Rating: T
Length: 4,462
Summary: Klaroline's life together as they work in Mikaelson and co. Different snippets of their life. HUMAN, FULL OF FLUFF AND LITTLE BIT OF ANGST.
Date of update: May 28 2021
Like snow we melt, like rain we fall, like the sun we burn, in love. (Chapter 3)
Author: BlackRaven475932
Rating: M
Length: 4,088
Summary: after episode 5x11, Klaroline sex scene. Klaus and Caroline have a secret relationship.
Teasing in public, a lot of smut, no one knows. WARNING, this story contains a blood kink in later chapters. If you don't like this then I advise you not to read it. It will occur in later chapters and I will give a warning before the chapter.
Date of update: May 28 2021
The Allure of Darkness (Chapter 2)
Author: Loveyou3000Klaroline
Rating: M
Length: 5,127
Summary: “Anything that’s worth anything is dangerous.” Or... Klaus Mikaelson is the big bad hybrid, but he is the only one who can make Caroline’s world stable. Especially after the lie of her life gets unraveled.
Date of update: May 28 2021
That Pesky Phone
Author: timetravelercat
Rating: T
Length: 1,029
Summary: "What was that?" he asked her curiously. She looked at him, embarrassed— —Wait, Caroline Forbes? Embarrassed?" Just Klaus," she answered simply, not giving him anymore details and averting her eyes. Huh, suspicious.
Date of update: May 28 2021
Ok, Cupids
Author: timetravelercat
Rating: T
Length: 795
Summary: Klaus and Caroline sign Stefan into an online dating site.
Date of update: May 28 2021
Available On Both Websites
FFN: The Traitor and the Coward (Chapter 6)
AO3: The Traitor and the Coward (Chapter 6)
Author: Uppity Bitch
Rating: M
Length: 10,677
Summary: Klaroline AU supernatural multi-chap - Original!Caroline has spent lifetimes running from her lover and his family. Despite the centuries of loneliness, she regrets nothing. Soon, she'll bring an end to this madness. Or bring the madness full circle.
Date of update: May 23 2021
FFN: What You Always Wanted
AO3: What You Always Wanted
Author: Eliliyah
Rating: M
Length: 2,646
Summary: After waiting a thousand years for her husband to break his hybrid curse, Caroline realizes Klaus neglected to mention that his next step was to build an army. Furious, she leaves him alone in Mystic Falls. Knowing there's only one way to make it up to her, Klaus shows up on her doorstep with the one person who can get him back in her good graces: their old friend, Stefan.
Date of update: May 26 2021
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Barry gets a chance to talk to the Barry from the original timeline.
(note: fuck crisis, throwing out years of building up to barry’s story just so they could do an endgame rip-off to send out their dollar story version of batman!)
He’s not even thinking about the article. It’s one more fight, that’s all, another race through the streets of Central City chasing his mother’s murderer. Chasing the man who tricked his daughter and betrayed his friends and has hands bloodstained, red as Barry’s suit. The date, April 24th, doesn’t register, not at first. All that matters is the jar of his ankles on pavement, the rush of lightning in his veins, the desperate need to make certain no one else dies today, to save the people he loves that he can save. He just needs to be a little faster, and so he runs.
It’s only as he follows the red blaze of light through the midnight darkness of the city, across Adams Ave and down 16th street, with his family shouting in his ears that he considers.
It’s only when the lightning encompasses everything that he realizes.
He doesn’t recognize the void around him as the Speedforce at first-- it doesn’t take on the facsimile of bedroom or graveyard, and the storms are held at bay. The only lightning his his own, and the light he follows. More importantly, it doesn’t hurt. There is no pressure on his eyes or ribs, and his feet aren’t slowed to a stop. He runs through nothing, but the red light is gone and there is nothing to chase.
This does not mean he is alone.
Barry sees the figure, wreathed in a living halo of golden flame, running parallel, and then matching speed as if it is the most natural thing in the world for both their bodies. With that, in the empty space lit only by their lightning, it is as if everything is totally still.
“It’s you,” they both say together as they realize through straining legs and lungs.
Barry Allen meets his gaze and gives a smile that Barry knows too well, the one that hides sorrow and resignation in acceptance.
“It’s time, I guess,” that new Barry says, his voice cutting through the distant roar. “ Thawne found out who I am. He’s going back.”
“To try to kill us,” Barry says. “And you’re going to stop him.”
“Yes,” the other Barry says, his nod firm and familiar. The certainty of that pairs with the thing that hangs unspoken between them-- what happens next? “I’ll close the loop.”
Barry breathes in lightning. “Before you --go,” he says, and he has to say it, now, before the trail of red returns. “Mom.” How can he not warn this version of himself that will race off, never knowing? But how can he say it, and let another version of his carry the guilt on his heart?
The other Barry smiles at him. “She and Dad are happy,” he says, responding to Barry’s worry with an answer he didn’t realize he’d wanted. “They promised, they’ll help Iris. They’ll look after the twins, if I---when-- I don’t come back.”
“The twins,” Barry echoes, thinking of the news Iris mentioned just that morning. Could, in all the things that never matched up between the life he was meant to have and the path Thawne set him on, that one thing be a constant? No. it’s so much more than one thing. He thinks of Iris, her smile, and how it spans everything. Everything.
They run, both Barries, following a route instinct shows their feet. And then there it is, the red lightning, a trail that will haunt them both for however long they have. The other Barry’s footfalls change, almost imperceptibly, as he shifts his course.
“I saw you,” Barry says, words tripping over themselves to be heard before-- before. “I thought it was me. Fading. How are we both here? The timelines…”
He asks for his own sake as much as out of concern for this version of himself that by rights shouldn’t exist, broken when Eobard’s knife struck home. And again as much out of wanting one more mystery to solve, one final puzzle to unravel.
“What do you think makes the multiverse?” the Barry following Thawne’s sparks asks, and his voice echoes until it surrounds them both like the lightning. Barry understands in that moment, everything the Speedforce never could translate.
“It’s the choices. The ones that shatter everything. The ones that build it back.”
And he is gone. Barry can feel the moment in his own heart, his own child’s voice crying out-- and he runs. The circle has almost closed, as it always needed to be. There is one more thing that has to happen.
Barry runs, and fills his heartbeat and the air around him with names, the living and the dead. Iris. Cisco and Caitlin, Harrison, Tess, Mom and Dad. Cecile, Joe, Wally. Jenna, Bart and Nora, the twins who may be them or their own. Mom, Dad, Bette. Eddie. Ralph. Dante. Martin. Ray, Kendra, Oliver. Iris, Iris, Iris. This sets fate into motion. This has already done so.
He runs, and each pulse of his feet on what must be solid ground sings out love.
He has felt The Lightning before, the crackle in his eyes and the static in his fingertips. He has felt its fire in his lungs and blood, but now as he runs he feels the warmth of the golden electricity, wrapping itself around him and then into him. It traces his veins. It mingles with the air in his lungs. It becomes his heart.
The circle will close and it will spiral, a thousand versions where different choices that spawn from this one mean a thousand versions of him will find their way back, and that is enough.
Barry breathes out and the Lightning flashes around him, blind but seeing now everything.
The hand that reaches out through the dark--so close-- is golden and white and
fragmented. He pushes and his feet meet air, flying through a winter storm that roars with everything he has held.
The skylight shatters into a million pieces at his touch, and the Lightning strikes.
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the period costuming in 911 is SO consistently bad i hate it
#it pains me to call the 90's and mid 2000's period but it's technically true#i'm watching the most recent episode of 911 and the opening sequence was set in the 90s and it was so hard to tell#bc the costumes were so modern 😭#911 abc#jenna shouts into the void
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@lyhoradka tagged me in that post about five bits of text from written media that are burned into your brain and, kindly, gave me a theme of places. i am going to annotate this because i am a bitch
1. holy places are dark places. the wisdom that we get in them is not thin and clear like water but thick and dark like blood. - cs lewis, till we have faces
im almost certain ive misremembered this one but its better this way. clive what the devil fuck were you trying to say with till we have faces. burn it down and start over with this. i have a sidenote about hope faith and love but thats beyond the scope of this discussion
2. night falls. the workers put down their tools and point to the sky. “there is the blueprint,” they say. invisible cities, italo calvino
again idr if its sky or stars. this is the description of thecla from invisible cities, kindly appointed to me by my good friend venus. this is not the strongest one but it is a strong one and its for Me and i remember it. inna thought i was going to make this whole post about haunted houses and this one is completely the opposite; i’ll consider it aspirational
3. walk to the east till you can walk no more. swim east until you pass the sunrise; swim east until you pass the stars; swim east until you come to the edge of the sky. there you will find yourself on the shores of a different land. even in that place, they shall know your name, and mine. - adel, kc danine/unlikely flowerings, jenna moran
sorry i cheated on this one bc i looked up the attribution and found my memory was wrong. but i cut it up to match what i thought. this one is actually a combo with
3a. the sea will be the color night behind glass. then, slowly, it becomes green: first rain-wet slate, then darkest jade. green as fresh emeralds. green as remembered rivers - the sun beneath the sea, sunless seas
again ive hashed the first part of that but green as remembered rivers lives in my head rent free. these two live under the heading “an exile in the uttermost east”
4. THIS IS NOT A PLACE OF HONOR. NO HIGHLY VALUED DEED IS REMEMBERED HERE. NOTHING OF VALUE IS STORED HERE.
the warning continues of course but the basis is here. the idea that we cannot produce something so horrifying and terrifying that it does not also fascinate us, as you might guess, fascinates me. nightmare and obsession are such close brothers
5. a woman drew her hair out tight/and fiddled in the violet light/and upside down in air were towers/tolling reminiscent bells that kept the hours/and voices singing out of empty cisterns and exhausted wells.
in my head sean bean reads these lines in his civ vi voice. why did so much weird fiction pattern weird bits of worldbuilding after this bit. not that i am immune. voices singing out of empty cisterns and exhauuusted wells
BONUS CONTENT
so many things i wanted to add that werent written or that i didnt have memorized perfectly enough
1i. the, like, entire first half of to tundra by los camp, which i will reproduce below
meet me at st nicholas among the oaks behind the church that sway like pigtailed girls as summer wind whistles around your bare-shin knees and the forsythia leaves
in the shade lay with me tickled by the feather reeds thats where the trees grow old under the ivys hold as you in my two arms equally safe from harm
and in a hazy daydream our bodies married the stream and we broke down into pebbles and silt the water ran from the fields until the oceans we filled and found the seabed the comfiest quilt
there was more life in the weeds than in the few hundred seats that rose from transept to chancel to nave [...]
2i. prim leaves her father’s house. i won’t reproduce the whole story here but there’s a girl prim and her father is the god hansa and they live in a house of iron nails and one day her dad is killed and she has to go bury him and takes nothing but his corpse and a single iron nail. and she traipses all across creation and the void looking for somewhere to bury him but every time she tries his corpse shouts at her for being shit at it. and eventually she collapses, and drops the nail and it springs right up into the same exact house, and she imagines crawling in there with her fathers corpse to die next to him and freaks out and then
A pale face came before her and she was abruptly struck from her despair as though by a great hammer. A beautiful stranger had appeared, mild and tall, of milky flesh, spare in figure, but radiant in voice and visage. "I know you," said the stranger in a small voice, "you are Prim."
"I was Hansa's orphan, the slave, Prim," croaked Prim in response, "and now I am nobody, just a small dirty thing in great emptiness and here I will die."
"No," said the stranger, and the clarity and firmness of her voice and smile send a shock through Prim, "you are Prim, and Prim only, and Prim you shall be." And Prim there realized her tears had made a great pool and she was greeting her own reflection. And she fell into that murky pool and straight away it turned clear as crystal and Prim vomited forth a great black knot from very deep within her, and her body was scoured and lashed by the icy waters of that pool, and great draughts of poisonous filth and despondency were drawn in rushing gasps from her wounds, and her skin was sealed and her soiled trappings were purged and the caked illness and death was ripped away and she rose from that pool fresh and humming. Her back straightened and she scarcely thought on her father's corpse or the faintest echo of that iron house. That is how Prim left her father's house.
so basically abaddon scooped all of tsiy and every other haunted house writer in like five thousand words
3i. berenike
From my words you will have reached the conclusion that the real Berenice is a temporal succession of different cities, alternately just and unjust. But what I wanted to warn you about is something else: all the future Berenices are already present in this instant, wrapped one within the other, confined, crammed, inextricable.
4i. a ghost does not come to stand in the dark doorway of your room because it is an 18th century orphan girl named annie. a ghost comes to stand in the doorway of your room because the doorway is where things come to stand. - i am in eskew, david ward
the formats all fucked up now huh. this has influenced my thoughts on both psychogeo and necromancy. what a fucking guy. theres also the pope lick bridge one but
5i. i hope you will forgive me for including a bit from tsiy
I opened my eyes. I was kneeling at the base of a tree, at the top of a grassy hill, under starry night. Dad was standing a little ways back, head craned back to look at the tree. "What is this place to you?" he asked, looking around. The island came to an abrupt stop at the edges; it wasn't a floating island in space or anything, there just.....wasn't anything beyond the edge of it. Like looking past the edge of your own eyesight -- not the blackness of eyelids, but the colorless place beyond.
"I'll die here someday," I said, and meant it.
i really need to work on getting places and haunted places into the new draft. im slacking. but im also not allowed to go back and change anything rn or ill just never get anywhere
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Character Journal Entry: Felix
{Tuesday, January 28th, 2020T}
What is the most difficult part of being a Venus Adept?
The Proxans have asked me this before, from time to time, in their own fashion. Particularly the children. Overall, it is little more than a concept to them: a symbol of the Farmers, the long forgotten Clan.
It reminds me very much of a question that a young construct tried to ask several years ago, for they are deeply connected—
For without a doubt, the most difficult burden to carry is to bear witness to suffering, particularly in connection to the loss of life.
To see someone else broken, no liveliness in their {[spirit/essence/etc.]}, shattered by pain at the cost of who they were—that is incredibly difficult.
And I have seen it.
I have seen my best friends endure such agonizing loss—such cruel pain without grand design, the Shears callous in severing connections with no gain, no triumph at all. No “meaning” to justify such suffering.
So often does Man suffer at the hands of fate.
It left me… uncertain. Uncertain what to do, what to say. I felt… I felt a need to do something, to say SOMETHING that would… be what they needed, what would bring them comfort, spark their shattered {[spirit/soul]}, bring Life back into their {[heart/being]}.
But I was at a loss for words. Even more than usual. It wasn’t even that I couldn’t speak or couldn’t bring myself to speak; rather, I had no idea what to say.
What can one say to someone who is in such a place? There is nothing that can make things right with the world.
And all the power, all the wisdom, all the {[faith/courage/confidence]} I had—
It was worthless. It wasn’t enough.
It could never be enough.
There was nothing I could do to fix it.
And to feel—
To feel such a thing as a life void of Life is… difficult to bear. To be placed helpless, unable to—to do ANYTHING, powerless to aid those who made such a difference, whom I myself have grown to trust and to value as meaning that gives ME Life—
It is a crushing fault that makes it impossible to speak and difficult to breathe.
I… tried. I tried to find strength enough, wisdom enough to speak. Courage enough to provide perspective that is apparently somewhat unique among my friends, from what I am told.
But there was nothing I could say.
Facing the reality that you can’t always fix things—can’t even make them better—don’t always have the answer, don’t always even know what to say or to do—
That all the knowledge you have, all the meaning you place in the bond you share—
The reality that—despite embodying, and intensely feeling Life and Death—you will fall short when such a thing is desperately needed…
…That is hard.
And…
…Harder still is to… to actually be there, trying—failing—
To be there at the loss of Life, powerless—
To bear witness to such suffering, where no amount of power can save it—! To call it “demoralizing” is a horrific mockery of an understatement!
The hardest part of being a Venus Adept is being so deeply attuned to Life—
Devoting your entire purpose, your reason for being, your focus, your goal to preserving it, to providing healing and comfort and luxury—
—and being confronted with the harsh shortcomings in the face of Death, especially Death that was… outside of a fading cinder in the ashes of a Life that had seen its full time.
This is, I suppose, the sort of thing that provoked even the best of intentions to try and seek immortality. To fear death is a powerful motivation for some people… but to fear loss is a far greater one, I have found.
I think on the matter, perhaps more than I should. But it is difficult not to do so, given I have been brought to the threshold far too many times.
It has given me… perspective. Perspective on Death, but also on Life.
I was… ultimately drawn back from the transition, each time. I could have died. Easily. Arguably “should” have perished, in most cases.
And yet I still live.
There was a point where the pain of loss—of the truth of my insignificance, and weakness, powerless to save others—where it shattered ME, and Death devoured my heart and broke my mind.
I still live—and Life has returned to my {[spirit/well being]}, true—but the weight of that time has scorched my very soul.
The perspective of each experience is a dark one. For Man is inclined to fear Death, for the instinct is for Life—and indeed, when that instinct is broken, it is a very nasty and alarming thing indeed.
As the decade has gone by—eight years since I was forced into exile—I have come to better understand my experiences and my perspective… even if I struggle deeply to make use of it when the situations call for it.
I do not fear Death.
I fear suffering.
There is a difference.
But… Death itself is a transition. And it is without a doubt that it brings an end to the mortal pain of the being in question.
I have witnessed it firsthand. It was…
It was like being SCOURGED with rose vines SHREDDING my chest and my throat, to FEEL and to see the Life FADING away—RIGHT in front of me—DESPITE my efforts.
And yet…
Tired, just so… so tired…
In the end, they were spared further suffering, and the burden was lifted.
There are times where there is nothing we can do.
Times where we realize that there is no reconciliation, no chance to repair what has been lost.
Times where there is nothing we can do to save those we love, and must come to accept a sentence of living the rest of our lives with the severed connections binding us to an un-reciprocating echo of the past.
Times where there is no solace to be given, because it is necessary to honor the dignity of grief and pain.
And those times…
…will always, ALWAYS be hard.
Watching someone else go through it—where the only thing I can offer is my words, but I am left speechless—is… not easy.
Because it is all too easy to say the WRONG thing, at the WRONG time, and end up being RESPONSIBLE for further pain. And that… would be something I would have a very, VERY hard time forgiving myself for later.
Because I know just how much it hurts when people who are trying to help…
-=-=-=-=-=-=-
“Jenna, you must prepare yourself for what comes next....”
[Felix shouted at him in pain.]
-=-=-
“You have completed your quest, but I see it comes with great loss... Your suffering has been almost unbearable.”
-=-=-
“Our parents would understand. …Don’t you think so, Felix?”
-=-=-=-=-=-=-
…only end up making things worse. Worse in a way that still hurts, even now.
I am reminded of something which a friend said on the matter.
-=-=-=-=-=-=-
“The power to change history… that is a temptation that is very, very heavy. And in the depths of pain and despair, one may give in and beg to be spared, only to curse those with such power for not granting such a plea. It is the nature of man to try and negotiate with fate, if only that which he loves above all else could be spared…! But nay—nay… that is ultimately not something one should harbor resentment for, or an obsession for. No. We are left free to make our choices, and within both our choices and our suffering, life retains meaning. There comes a time for most of us when that which we love is subject to agony from which we cannot save them… a time for some where those whom they most loved are taken from them. Such a bitter pain, and indeed, one must not think less of themselves or others for falling from the weight of such a burden. But… such is life. Death and suffering are part of life. Our time together has meaning because of it. That is why we must seek to make our decisions with a sound mind and a kind heart, and treasure each other with our limited time upon the earth.
[…]
Man is mortal[…]. That is his nature. One cannot obsess over a series of events, and try to create that which cannot exist.
The dead have their rest. The broken shall someday find it. […]
I have learned to be satisfied that there are things that cannot be regained. It is enough that the [suffering] is over now. That is enough for me.
Take heart. Your suffering is not without meaning. You have strength enough to endure this—if not on your own, then by tending to one another. It will be a sore trial… but it will not be the end.”
-=-=-=-=-=-=-
And I think…
That is probably better worded than I could—at this time—possibly dream of being able to pull off, myself.
I think… the most I can say…
Dear friend—
You matter to me.
—Felix
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@anniestelescope gave me permission to post these, so here’s some photos from last week when she came to visit me! #jaley4life
#jaley#@jenna#gal pals#my face#how many people do you think will ship us?#internet friends meeting#almost 3 years of friendship#haley gets personal#haley shouts to jenna in the void#look how cute we are
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Hi Jenna! I just finished watching your latest video and omg it's like you looked into my soul and shared your findings on the Internet! I really relate to the stuff you said about social media and trying to figure out who you are and how others perceive you. Before this turns into a therapy session I just want to say thank you so much for making that video (1/2)
its really reassuring to see that someone I admire is going through the same thing (although ofc im sorry that you are and I do hope you're able to figure things out and find inner peace!) and I hope it reassures you to know you aren't alone and whatever you decide to do with regards to your YouTube channel etc. you'll always have at least a few followers/friends who value you and your art and are rooting for your success (2/2)
--
well this was a nice surprise!! (you’re right tho, it sucks that we’re both struggling lol) i sometimes feel like i’m shouting into the void so i’m really glad you got something out of my shouting! it’s been such a weird couple of months (good weird i think) but i feel like i’ve made so many leaps and strides and i’m finally making progress on things i’ve been struggling with for a long time. like i start 2019 talking about how i wanted to change, and i honestly didn’t think i’d make as many changes as i have. i feel more myself than i ever have before and think in 2020 i’ll be an even better version of this self. anyway idk what i’m talking about but YES IM SO GLAD I COULD BE THERE FOR YOU & i really appreciate you being there for me too!!!
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Sooo… now what with Bailey? She’s still a regular but her issues are over?
I had the same question!
One of the things that keeps happening on The Rookie is that storyline either wrap up too quickly, or linger too long. 🤷🏻♀️ La Fiera was around for season 3, but killed off in the premier and BAM that whole arc ends. Bailey has a bad husband, and he pops up for all of three episodes, somehow the whole deal is done and dusted.
Will they ever mention her withholding the truth from John again, or will this be swept under the rug? The husband is now is jail, and somehow this time a divorce will happen? I want the messy resolution, not the kind that comes spoon fed.
What will Bailey do now? Do they just take the next step as a couple, does she move in? I have so many questions. I kind of wonder if Bailey will stick around past this season, I don’t have anything to base this off of, I just wonder if Jenna Dewan will use to role to pivot and search for her own show.
Do you feel like there was emotional payoff from this storyline?
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