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five-bi-five-mind · 1 year

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Hell or High Water (Pt. 3)

Fandom: Criminal Minds

Pairing: JJ x fem!Reader

Words: 6.4k+

Summary: JJ is dealing with the aftermath of the attack. Will she ever heal?

Warnings: Descriptions of hospital rooms, mention of stitches, honestly a pretty traumatized/depressed JJ. Some brief smut, fingering (r receiving). Let me know if I forgot something!

A/N: I know this took forever. The amount of rewrites this went through, and even then I’m iffy on the ending. But here we are at the final part of this series. Also I highly recommend listening to Hell or High Water by Billy Raffoul while reading this chapter. I mean the whole fic has the vibe but especially this chapter. Anyways, enjoy!

Series masterlist

Part 3: For the Living Touch and Go. Those words rang through JJ’s mind on a constant loop. Your condition was touch and go. She was stuck in this in between of not knowing if her wife will ever wake again. With each rhythmic beep of your heart monitor she felt a little more at ease, but then she’d look at you lying in the hospital bed. You didn’t look like you. Your skin lost its color, your body was still as can be, and you had tubes and wires hooked to just about every inch of you. It killed JJ to look at you, yet she felt like every time she took her eyes off you, you’d slip through her fingers.

JJ hadn’t slept. It’s been 3 days since you last opened your eyes and when she wasn’t thinking about what the doctors said, she was thinking about those last moments before help arrived. You, broken and bleeding in her arms. JJ only left your side once since then, with the promise that Emily would stay behind and keep an eye on your state while she grabbed some of her things and yours in preparation for your stay in the hospital. She wanted you to wake up to your favorite things. Fuzzy socks and a soft blanket. Not that those were on you now, but for when you did wake up. But there was another reason why she didn’t want to go home. When she did she saw the blood stains on the floor, she would have to deal with that at some point. The minute she went home to gather the things she wanted, she stopped in her tracks when she saw it. Her stomach twisted in disgust and rage. Disgust for the man who did that to you. Even though he was dead now, she wished she could’ve watched him rot in prison instead. And rage at herself, for putting you in that position. For failing you, for letting you get harmed because of her job, for putting you in the hospital in critical condition, not knowing if you’d ever wake up again.

Her fists clenched so hard she felt her nails dig into her palms as she sat across from you. How could she let you end up here? You were so fucking stubborn. If only she had pushed more, insisted more that you leave. Maybe she should’ve given in and gone with you. That was the only way you would’ve ever agreed to leave. She’s never run from an unsub, she’s never left her team like that and it wasn’t in her nature to change that now. But here you both are now because of it. JJ wasn’t one to pray, but she prayed to any higher being who’d listen for you to wake up soon.

You were minutes from death when they rushed you in, you lost so much blood you slipped into a coma despite their efforts to help you. “Blood loss is the second major cause of comas,” the doctor’s said, “it’s to be expected.” That didn’t make JJ feel any better in the slightest. She waited, blood soaked, in the waiting room until she was allowed to go back to see you. She waited hours upon hours. Luckily, Emily brought her clean clothes before wrapping up the crime scene that was once your home.

JJ wasn’t always alone with you. Sometimes that felt like a blessing, to be surrounded by the team. All of them came after the case was wrapped up, then as the hours stretched into days they rotated. When they were there, sometimes JJ felt less alone and afraid. But then sometimes it was a curse. She couldn’t look them in the eyes after she first watched their expressions. They’d all look at you with such concern, such sadness and she’d feel that overwhelming sense of failure all over again. Of course, each member of the team knew you and cared for you deeply. You came to social gatherings with JJ, seen all of them and their partners. You were a ray of sunshine and everyone who met you instantly loved you. So it only made sense that seeing you the way you were now would break their hearts too. JJ didn’t know if she would ever get over this guilt.

“How is she?” Emily broke the silence of the room. JJ was currently hunched over in a chair she pulled up next to your bed, her head hanging low. Emily had just gotten there with food, knowing that her friend wasn’t going to leave your side easily, even to take care of herself.

“No change,” JJ mumbled, her eyes locked on the linoleum floor, refusing to look up at Emily. She knew she’d find a look of sadness and pity, she couldn’t stomach that right now.

“She’s a fighter,” Emily said, coming up to JJ and placing a comforting hand on her shoulder.

JJ just mumbled a response and looked back up to where you lay. That you were, JJ was sure of it. You’d wake up, you’d pull through. The question was when. JJ hoped you wouldn’t make her wait long. Each passing moment was agony to her.

——————————————-

Fortunately for JJ, you did finally open your eyes. In total you had been lying unconscious in that hospital bed for five days. Each one filled with an unbearable anxiety that made JJ feel like the bland white walls of your hospital room were closing in on her. But still, you woke up and that’s what mattered. JJ’s whole world felt like it suddenly resumed from a long pause in the moment your eyes finally met hers. Her heart felt like it was beating again.

From the moment you opened your eyes though, JJ could tell you were ready to get the hell up and out of there. It was like a switch flipped. One minute you were clinging to life and barely breathing, the next you were arguing to get up and get moving.

It took way longer than you would’ve liked to remain in the hospital once you woke up. Your body needed to regain strength, your wound was still healing, and your vitals needed to be monitored. That didn’t help your overwhelming desire to go home. Then everything could finally go back to normal or at least it would feel a little more familiar, but even then you knew that “normal” would take some time. For the days you were awake and stuck in your hospital bed, you could tell JJ was struggling to hide the guilt behind her eyes. It was glaringly obvious to you that she blamed herself for everything that happened. When you caught her staring with that painful expression she seemed to perpetually wear these days she would immediately look away from you. You didn’t know what broke your heart more, the way she avoided you or the way you knew she was drowning in her inner turmoil.

The only time she really talked to you during your stay at the hospital was to tell you to stop being so stubborn. It was getting tiresome to hear the same lecture over and over again about the healing process. Your body went through a trauma. It was a close call. It takes time to come back from these things. You heard all of that way too much now.

Luckily for you, whether it was the doctors finally giving in or your amazing determination to heal yourself with sheer willpower, you were promised to go home early. While you might have been over the moon to be able to be in your own bed, surrounded by your own things, and not staring at the bland white walls of the hospital room anymore, JJ was feeling the opposite.

The minute the doctor gave you the okay to prepare to go back home, all the color drained from JJ’s face. She didn’t even bother hiding her reaction. Her feet planted in that defensive stance she got whenever she was preparing for a verbal fight, her arms crossed over her chest and her jaw clenched as she listened to you eagerly thank your doctor for the permission to finally leave. You thought an argument was beginning to brew between the two of you, but instead she snapped at the doctor, questioning everything that was just said. In the end, unfortunately for her, it was your decision and despite her wishes, you were going back home.

The transition from the hospital to your apartment building was tenser than you anticipated. JJ treated you with care and hesitation, insisting on being the one to wheel you out of the hospital even when you promised you could walk (albeit very slowly) on your own. When you reached the car she helped you in and buckled you up with the utmost care, but you didn’t miss the way her hands trembled as they fumbled to secure you in. The rest of the car ride consisted of the continuous habit your wife has now picked up of refusing to even glance at you when you talked. Instead, she listed off all the things she didn’t want you to do until you were fully recovered and all the things she would be doing to ensure you were safe and comfortable when you got home.

It killed you to see her like this. In a way, you did feel guilty for this. That you didn’t listen to her and stayed behind when you knew you could be in danger. However, you didn’t completely regret that decision. Deep down, you thought that if you weren’t there it would’ve been her who got hurt and if you were miles and miles away, who would’ve been there to come to her rescue? The thought of you two switching places made your stomach twist. This outcome wasn’t ideal, but you’d heal eventually and be good as new. You’d take this outcome over any chance of losing your wife for good any day. What mattered was that you would be okay. You understood it was iffy for a while but now you’re on the path to recover and you will heal in time. But what you also understood is that you weren’t the only one who needed time to heal now.

Watching JJ as she drove with clenched fists on the steering wheel and body tense with stress, you knew she needed to heal just as much as you. The problem was, you weren’t sure how to best help support her, when she didn’t even look you in the eye anymore.

When she helped you into the apartment, you already felt overwhelmed by her. Not once in your relationship did you ever feel like you needed JJ to take a step back, but the way she hovered over you every single second since you walked through the door and sat down on your bed was driving you crazy. What’s worse was, even though she seemed like she was everywhere all at once, she also seemed so distant from you. Like a shell of a person. And she still wouldn’t meet your eyes.

It wasn’t hard to miss the growing guilt that showed on her face as she watched you walk a little slower than normal through your apartment halls. And when the two of you passed the fateful spot where it all went down, regardless of how spotless it now was, you both still flinched when your eyes fell on it. Then there was a brief pause as both of you turned your gaze away, the pain of the memory washing over you, before you both moved on to your bedroom.

When JJ had finished putting your things away you had expected her to at least spend a few moments to appreciate that you actually made it home and you’re both safe. However, she just continued to be equally too protective and too absent all at once. A skill, you thought, only Jennifer Jareau could master.

You patted the bed next to where you sat propped up once you saw that JJ had finally run out of things to unpack. She didn’t make a sound as she stood before you, just staring at the empty spot next to you. Then, after a moment, she blinked and began to turn and busy herself with god knows what else. That was the boiling point.

“Why won’t you look at me?” Your voice was soft, yet sounded way too loud in the uncomfortable silence of the room.

“What are you talking about?” JJ let out a humorless laugh and turned to leave. You caught her wrist before she could step too far away from the bed.

“Please, Jennifer.” You rarely called her by her full name but in that moment she knew it was serious, you were serious, and suddenly the defenses she’d been holding up for days started to lower.

“I’m sorry,” she whispered, her arms going limp at her sides, with your hand still wrapped around her wrist. “I’m not used to you being home.”

That might have been half true but even she knew you could see through that.

You gave her an exhausted look, not offering a word, your hand still holding onto her, as you waited for a better answer.

“It’s just been hard,” JJ finally spoke again, her voice even quieter.

“What has?”

“Seeing you like this.” Her eyes dropped to the floor and her head hung low. You knew she was trying, yet again, to build up more walls.

“JJ, it’s not your fault.”

She didn’t move a muscle. You knew she refused to let those words sink in, but you just had to get them through.

“It’s not…” your hand slid down her wrist to take hers in your own, “…your fault.”

She still didn’t say a word, but you felt her fist clench in the palm of your hand and you knew she was fighting off whatever her inner demons were telling her right now.

“If anything it’s mine. I mean, I-“

“Don’t.” Her voice echoed through the room as she interrupted you. You didn’t let go of her hand but you were taken aback at her reaction all the same. “Don’t blame yourself.” You could tell her body was trembling now as she stood before you. All you wanted was to pull her into your arms and take away this pain she was putting herself through.

Tugging on her arm, you tried to get her to budge even a little. “JJ…” you breathed, trying to calm down the storm you could tell was brewing. “You’re not to blame either, though.”

“Yes I am!” JJ yanked her hand out of yours suddenly and your eyes widened at her outburst. “I couldn’t keep you safe here. I can’t keep you safe but you insisted on coming back here.”

“We had to go home eventually…”

JJ paused, her shoulders heaving up and down as anger seethed through her. You knew this anger wasn’t towards you, but herself. While many would be terrified of an angry Jennifer Jareau, your heart just broke for her.

She started to turn from you, her fingers pinching the bridge of her nose in an attempt to calm herself but you didn’t want her to walk out that door. You had no plan to stop her though and in your current state you couldn’t just fling yourself forward.

“I need a minute,” JJ muttered before reaching the door to your shared bedroom. You watched in defeat as she walked out the door, walls back up to shut you out, and you knew this conversation wasn’t over. What you feared, though, was that it was going to be a long and painful process to finally get through to your wife.

—---------------------------------------------------------------------------------

A few more weeks went by and you were getting better with each passing day. Of course, you still had to take it easy. Your external stitches were out but you were still in the middle of the healing process. The good news was that your mobility was a lot better. You were up and moving around the house with every chance you got, which unfortunately usually meant any moment JJ wasn’t home. It was hard to take the glare of disapproval she’d shoot your way when she saw you doing anything other than sitting and resting. Honestly, you were getting tired of it.

It seemed like the more you healed and were getting some of your independence back from that, the more her mood worsened. You knew, deep down, that it was just her fear and guilt that was affecting her mood. After that conversation you had when you both got home you kept trying, but JJ would just storm off. Unwilling to hear any sort of reason or let you alleviate any of her blame. It constantly pulled at your heart to see her so guarded with you of all people.

What was even worse was she stopped touching you and you craved her so badly. And not in a sexual way even, you just wanted her to hold your hand, kiss your cheek, or just anything really. She only touched you when she helped you out of bed the first week you were home or when she helped you bathe, but you were long past needing help with either of those things. Plus, you didn’t much care for her helping you with things like that. Wife or not, you really didn’t love help with showering when you insisted you could shower alone. Now, though, you honestly missed the help, especially when it was the only time you felt her gentle touch on you.

Things were reaching their breaking point with you quickly. There was only so much more of the distanced looks and avoidance you could take from JJ before you were going to snap. She barely left home too, which somehow made it even worse. At least if she was going to work or leaving the house for more than just groceries and the occasional take out, you could say she was just busy or tired. But no, she was home most of the time, so that just left you with a shell of your wife walking around the house, holding you at arms length, obviously traumatized by the events you both experienced, and yet refusing any help or to even hear you out. It was hurting your heart, but worse it was hurting your relationship.

It couldn’t go on like this, not for much longer. You had to get your wife to look at you, really look at you, and then talk. And fuck if you didn’t hope it would at least end in her kissing you again. If not, you didn’t know how much more of this situation you could take. What killed you even more, was the nightmares you had and the overwhelming desire for JJ to throw her arms around you at night and kiss your tears away. But you also knew, if she knew of any of your lingering fears it would just make it worse for her guilt. So when you did wake from them, from the nightmare of that fateful night repeating itself, you just wrapped your arms tight to your chest and let silent tears fall as you tried to fall back asleep. All the while, being extremely careful not to wake your sleeping wife. What you didn’t know yet was that you weren’t the only one with nightmares.

But that realization came one night when you, yourself woke from the terrible recurring dream. Your chest was heaving, your body was in a cold sweat, and your heart was racing, but you had a method to calm this storm. Taking deep breaths and counting down from one hundred always helped. It must’ve affected you more tonight though, you could feel the mattress shake with your body. After a few more minutes of deep breathing, however, you realized you weren’t the one shaking. Pressed with her back to yours, you could just barely feel the tremble of her shoulders as she lay next to you. She was silent, except for a few shaky sighs that came from her side of the bed, but you knew the signs and you knew JJ. She was crying. Something she actively tried to hide from you since the whole ordeal.

You laid there totally frozen for a minute. This was a moment that JJ obviously didn’t want you to be aware of, but this was also a moment where her walls were possibly down. She was also your wife and you ached to comfort her. So, there were options: Either you ask her about it in the morning and risk her walls coming back up before then or you listen to your heart and comfort her now like you so desperately wanted to. Of course, you picked the second option.

“Hey…” you whispered into the dark room as you rolled over to your other side so that you could face JJ’s back. For a moment, you thought maybe she didn’t hear you, so with caution you slowly raised a hand to run your fingers gently down her back. “JJ…” you tried again. “What’s wrong?” But with the mixture of your touch and your voice a little louder, suddenly you felt her whole body freeze underneath your fingertips. It was like she was holding her breath and her shoulders had stopped trembling, but you still knew she was awake.

“JJ, talk to me.” You were more firm this time, your palm pressing to her shoulder, barely tugging but still motioning for her to turn her over. She refused.

“I’m okay, (Y/N). Go back to sleep.” Her voice was low. It sounded tired, sure, but almost as if she was trying to pass it off like you woke her up. You weren’t buying any of it.

“JJ,” you sighed in disappointment. “Turn over.” At your request, you felt JJ’s entire body tense next to you, but you weren’t going to give in. “Please, Jennifer.”

After a moment, JJ let out a long sigh and then finally did what you asked. You made no move to scoot back, wanting to be close to your wife and to try to make out her facial expressions in the moonlight that peered through your bedroom window. When she was finally facing you, that’s when you realized just how close you two were laying. You could feel her steady breathing as she lay next to you and you tried to remember the last time you two were this close. Your hand immediately reached out to her cheek to wipe her tears. It was half a gesture to confirm what you already knew, that she had indeed been crying, and half to comfort her. Either way, it was a bold move on your part, considering the way JJ has been avoiding you like the plague for so long. Yet, she let you do it. She didn’t pull away, didn’t dodge your touch, she let you continue to brush your thumb over her cheek and catch the tears that you could feel were still falling.

“What’s wrong?” You whispered again. JJ’s hand moved up to yours and for a moment you feared she was going to push you away, but she surprised you when she pressed her palm to the back of your hand and held it there.

After a moment of silence and stillness she finally spoke. “I thought I lost you,” her voice sounded hesitant yet raw as she finally started to let you in. “In the dream and when you… when that-”

“I know,” You interrupted. It only made sense to you that she was having the same recurring dream as you, but you also knew those dreams were bringing up fears of the very real events that happened. You moved closer to her. Close enough to press your forehead to hers and you stayed like that for a moment. You tried to take in every single second, because you feared it would be awhile before you could feel her this close again. Even if your wife was feeling scared and you had both woken from a terrible dream, you didn’t much care what brought you this opportunity, you were just glad you were getting it. “But I’m still here.”

You felt her head nod and the hand still pressed to yours, in a surprising move, slipped down to press against your chest. She was feeling your heartbeat, you realized immediately, trying to find comfort and confirmation in it that what you said was true. That you were still here to live another day, that she hadn’t lost the love of her life because her biggest fears came true and her job jeopardized the safety of her wife.

“JJ I-” your voice broke before you could catch it. It was obvious this moment was overwhelming you, but you couldn’t hold back anymore. “I miss you so much.”

With those words, JJ’s heart broke as she took in just how much you were hurting. You didn’t have to say a lot for her to read you. She knew you and deep down she knew she was hurting you. It killed her, but she was so wrapped up in her own head that she couldn’t stop herself. Convinced she was going to put you in any more danger or that you would disappear in the blink of an eye if she so much as lingered on you for one moment. But then she heard the anguish in your voice and she didn’t need to see your eyes to know the pain she’d see in them. She felt the slight tremble of your fingers as they remained against her cheek. Another tear fell for you as she fully came to understand the damage she had caused in the past few weeks with her behavior.

Without a word, she shifted so that she could reach your forehead and pressed a kiss to it. The first time you felt her lips upon her skin in so long and in that moment it absolutely broke you. Your hand slipped from her cheek and before you could really stop yourself you were grabbing onto her shirt with both your hands and pulling yourself closer to her body, tears falling freely as you laid there holding onto JJ for dear life.

“I’m so sorry,” JJ poured every ounce of emotion she had into those words, trying her best to convey to you that, yes, finally she did realize what she was doing. She realized in that moment all of a sudden that she needed to change, that she needed to be there for you. Through distance, she convinced herself she could keep you safer, that she wouldn’t break you, but she didn’t take into consideration what it was doing to you emotionally or even what it was doing to her. She missed you as much as you missed her, she craved you, craved to hold you. She knew every time you woke up from a nightmare, yet didn’t move a muscle and wouldn’t tell a soul that she was awake, waiting for you to fall back asleep too. She convinced herself she didn’t deserve your love, your touch, your comfort, not when she was the reason it was almost gone for good. She was punishing herself, but now she realized she was punishing you too and you didn’t deserve that, neither of you did. “Shh, please, stop crying,” She cooed, her arms coming around to pull you into her body.

Finally. Finally, you were in her arms. You knew you missed this feeling, but you didn’t realize how much until your senses were surrounded by her. You missed the feeling of her heartbeat, you missed the smell of her shampoo, you missed the gentle brush of her fingers through your hair when she would try to calm you down. And she was giving you all of the things you missed, but in the moment it felt like it could never be enough. Still you were so scared she’d go back to being cold as ice in the morning. So you kept trying to take in this moment.

Trying to calm your tears, your hands released their grip from her shirt only to cup her face and pull her down so your lips could meet hers. Your kiss wasn’t gentle, like you thought the first kiss would be once you both had healed. No, this was a tearfilled attempt to have more closeness with your wife. Your lips pressed to hers hard, and she was taken by surprise at your bold move, yet she didn’t pull away. Not right away at least.

You kept kissing her for a moment, your grip on the sides of her face a little too hard, yet it didn’t seem like either of you cared. In the back of JJ’s mind, she knew it would be best to stop this soon, but she also missed the feeling of you and the taste of your lips, so she indulged for just a moment.

When she felt your tongue start to run along her lips is when she finally pulled away. “Woah,” her voice was a whispered warning to slow down. You were still healing, fragile, you didn’t need to be this worked up right now. She needed to calm you down, to get you to rest again so you could properly heal. You didn’t want to rest though, fears of the morning after keeping you from calming down. “(Y/N)... you should try to sleep.”

“I don’t want to.” It sounded more like you pleading than a statement. “I don’t want things to go back to how they were in the morning. I can’t handle it anymore JJ, I just can’t. It’s too much. It’s-”

“They won’t.” JJ cut off your desperate rambling. The arms that were around you gently squeezed you as she held you. “I know I’ve been hurting you, I won’t anymore.”

Your body relaxed a little at her words, but still you kept both your hands on her face. Terrified to let go of her for even a second, worried she would leave your bed and never come back. She leaned back in for a gentle kiss, this time it was her guiding it. You felt yourself melt into her even more and with each press of her lips to yours it was like all your pain the past few weeks was washing away. How you missed your wife’s touch so much. With a simple kiss it felt like your heart was finally mending. You believed her words, you knew she was still healing from this trauma just as much as you were and it wouldn’t just go back to normal after one night, but finally you knew there would be a change. Finally, you knew the old JJ was coming back to you. Still, you didn’t want to sleep. Still you wanted more of your wife. Blame it on the long wait, blame it on greed, or the desperate need to be reassured that she still loved and wanted you after weeks of the cold shoulder. Who knows, but once you felt her lips on you again you couldn’t stop yourself from needing more.

“I don’t want to sleep yet…” you mumbled against her lips, your hands slipping from her face to run down her chest and stomach. You, yet again, tried to deepen the kiss, your tongue peaking out to trace her bottom lip. This time, JJ didn’t pull away as quickly as before, her lips parting so you could hesitantly brush your tongue against hers. But when JJ started to feel your hands dip under her shirt and press to her bare stomach, that’s when she pulled away again.

“(Y/N)...” She warned, her lips still so close they were brushing against yours as she spoke. “We can’t do this tonight. I could hurt you.”

“You won’t,” you mumbled as your lips fell to her jaw, kissing along it as slowly as possible. JJ’s arms moved from around your body to still the hands that were slowly creeping up her shirt. Her grip was loose though, hesitant even. You could tell her resolve was weak. Truthfully, she didn’t want to stop you either. The moment she kissed you it felt like a fire reawakened in her and she didn’t want the feeling to go away. She wanted to feel you close. Feel your skin on her skin. For some reason, she felt like it was the only way to ensure that this all wasn’t a dream. But she also knew you were still healing, still fragile and breakable, and if she did anything to hurt you again she didn’t think she could live through that.

But then your lips were trailing down to her neck and she could tell that this meant more to you than she could ever possibly realize. She could tell that you needed to feel wanted, comforted, and close to her. To deny you felt impossible. “I need you,” you whispered against her skin and that’s when every ounce of willpower went out the window. “Just be gentle.”

JJ’s hands finally slipped from your wrists. With the utmost care, she pushed you to lie on your back. “If anything hurts,” JJ began as her hands began to pull at the elastic of your pajama pants. “You need to tell me immediately.” You just nodded in response, your hands moving to brush hair from her face as she looked down at you in the moonlight.

—---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Her heart was racing and so was yours. It felt almost as if it was the first time between you two all over again. Every time JJ touched you she did it with so much control and gentleness. Her hands caressed every inch of your body and it almost felt as if she was trying to pour every ounce of love she withheld from you the past few weeks into this one moment.

With her lips traveling all over your body and your hands roaming hers with every chance you got, it didn’t take long for you to become a dripping wet mess for her. When she finally sunk her hand down between your legs to where you wanted her most you both groaned at the contact. It had been too long and never had you wanted to feel her like this as badly as you did in this very moment.

When two fingers slid into you, she did it at an infuriatingly slow pace. It was partially driving you crazy, how slow and gentle she was being, but you also knew that this is how JJ needed to feel you, how she needed to love you. So, you tried to be patient, tried to take her in slowly, even if your body felt as if it was on fire the moment her hands began to roam.

She made love to you gently. Perhaps more gentle than she had ever been. Not that JJ was always one to be rough, but before the incident she had a hunger for you that was very clear in the way she touched you. She took what she wanted from you and you tried to keep up. Now, however, she was careful. In every moment, every stroke of her finger, she took her time, but she was also taking you in. Every sigh you made when her fingers pressed down in a spot you particularly liked, every twitch of your hips as her fingers slid out only to push back in, every quiet moan you let out when you felt her thumb brush against your clit with just the right amount of pressure.

JJ didn’t want to hurt you, and that’s partially why she was going so slow, but another part of it was that she didn’t want this moment to end. In the morning, she meant it, things wouldn’t go back to how they were, but she knew that in the morning there would be more talk, more tears, more pain to work through. So for now, she just wanted to be with you. To be with her wife who she almost lost, who she almost pushed away, who she absolutely couldn’t live without.

With your shirt pushed up your chest and her lips latched onto your nipple, she relished in the taste of your skin and the feeling of you almost completely bare beneath her. It only took a few more strokes of her fingers inside of you before you were falling apart, and the way your body moved as she drove you closer to an orgasm had her mesmerized. Everything felt so much more intense after everything that had transpired. She didn’t realize just how much she needed this too, until she felt you tighten around her fingers as you came to your release.

When you finally came down from your orgasm all JJ wanted to do was keep going. She wanted to touch you more, wanted you to touch her and you wanted the same. But she still worried for your health and didn’t want to push it. The way your chest heaved as you tried to catch your breath gave her the indication that perhaps even this was a little too much for one night. But she pushed that fear down for now, deciding instead to hold you and make sure you fall back asleep.

JJ rolled to your side again, pulling you with her this time into a close embrace. You began to protest, not wanting to stop, wanting to return the favor, but JJ was quick to shush you. She explained that there would always be tomorrow night if you felt rested and well enough after what you both had just done tonight. With the mention of there being a tomorrow like that, it was all you needed to hear to give in. In all honesty, you were tired too. Still not having the same stamina as you once did. You knew it would come back, that you would heal, that your relationship would too. All in good time.

JJ stroked your hair as she held you, feeling your breathing calm as you fell asleep. Her eyes closed slowly as she pulled you closer and pressed a kiss to the top of your head. In the darkness of the room, before drifting to sleep too she whispered, “I won’t let anything hurt you ever again.”

A/N: Well, there you have it! The end of the series. Hope you enjoyed <3

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