#jesus christ iw as deep in

[andromedamemes]

oooh my god I need to tell you guys this story

so i was trying to recover my old music library because it wasn’t on any of my working computers/devices and lord knows I pirated most of that shit so itunes wasn’t any help...

so I bust out my old ipod, blow off the dust, and manage to find a suitable charger.... it turns on and I’m like.. yes.. finally this is it!

and then it asks for my password.....

I try my usuals from like 5 years ago but none of them are working, so I do some investigative work. Firstly, I was definitely neck deep in the 1d fandom at the time, my ipod background was various pictures of Harry’s weird expressions during 1DDay photoshopped onto a picture of space. Yes that’s right friends, I wasn’t always a space/memes blog, I was a full on 1d/memes blog back in the day. Futhermore, I was big on shipping h&l so it might have had something to do with that.

additionally, i was very lazy, so i didn't want anything too long or had numbers or capitals

So I type in a 1d related password thinking it wont work. it’s like the ‘password1′ of the 1d fandom... 

and it fucking worked I swear to god. 

Anyway, i dare you guess my password. send me an ask or comment on this post, I will be watching. First to get it right gets a sense of Pride and Accomplishment.

#1d #one direction #jesus christ iw as deep in #deeeeeep #i wrote multiple fanfics u guys #it was bad

[wiypt-writes]

Stark Spangled Banner

Ch37: Fourteen Million, Six Hundred And Five Part 1- Wakanda Forever.

Intro: Thor, Rocker and Groot arrive on Nidevallir and the god quickly realises something is wrong. Meanwhile, on Titan, Tony is trying desperately to rally the rest of the Guardians into some sort of organised unit, whilst in Wakanda it isn’t the organisation that the rest of the Avengers is having issues with…

Warnings: Bad Language words.

Pairing: Steve Rogers x OFC Katie Stark

A/N: So I HAD to write Thor and Tony’s POV over the IW chaptres too, because, frankly, they had some of THE best scenes in Infinity War, and I love that freaking Norse God Himbo and chaotic Stark chemistry so bad! I know this is Katie and Steve’s fic, but Steve had so little screen time in this film all things considered…we were so robbed!!! @angrybirdcr​ once again, beautiful editing!

Disclaimer: This is a pure work of fiction and classified as 18+. Please respect this and do not read if you are underage. I do not own any characters in this series bar Katie Stark and the other OCs. By reading beyond this point you understand and accept the terms of this disclaimer.

Chapter 36 Part 2

Stark Spangled Banner Masterlist // Main Masterlist

Oh how Thor missed his hammer! How had it all gone so terribly wrong? He’d left Earth and his friends three years ago to go hunting those wretched stones and had failed, miserably. Now his Father was dead, his brother was dead, Heimdel was dead, half his people were dead. His home planet was gone, he only had one eye, and if he didn’t stop Thanos then his friends on Earth weren’t going to fare much better than the ones on Asgard had.

He chewed the inside of his cheek, his left knee jiggling a little bit with nervous anticipation as his mind flickered to Little Stark and the Captain. He wondered how they’d been getting on, how the few years post their marriage had been for them, whether there were any Little Little Starks or Little Caps roaming around…

“So, dead brother, huh?” Thor looked up to see the rabbit was stood a few feet away, pressing buttons on a screen as he spoke. “Yeah that can be annoying.”

“Well, he’s been dead before.”  Thor huffed. "But this time, I think it really might be true.”

“And you said that your sister and your dad…”

“Both dead." 

"You guys still got a mom, though?” The Rabbit pressed.

“Killed by a dark elf.” Thor replied, monotonously.

“Best friend?”

“Stabbed through the heart.”

“And you sure you’re up for this particular murder mission?” Rocket asked, frowning slightly.

“Absolutely!” Thor forced a smile, as he looked at the animal “Rage and vengeance, anger, loss, regret. They’re all tremendous motivators. They really clear the mind. So I’m err, good to go.” He nodded firmly, making a fist.

"Yeah, but this is Thanos we’re talking about he’s the toughest there is.”

“Well, he’s never fought me.” Thor deadpanned.

“Yeah, he has.” Rocket shrugged, and Thor took a deep breath.

“Well, he’s never fought me twice. And I’ll be getting a new hammer, don’t forget.”

“Well, it’d better be some hammer.”

There was a pause before Thor took a breath.

“You know, I’m fifteen hundred years old,” he began, looking at nothing in particular as he pondered over things. "I’ve killed twice as many enemies and every enemy I have faced would have rather killed me, but none succeeded. I am only still alive because fate wants me to be.” At that point he paused and couldn’t help but smile at a conversation he had had with the Captain about fate bringing him and Little Stark together. The Captain didn’t believe in fate, but he did. "Thanos is just the latest in a long line of bastards, and he’ll be the latest to feel my vengeance.” Thor nodded firmly as he concluded. “Fate wills it so." 

"Mhm.” Rocket hummed hesitating, but he knew he had to ask, “And what if you’re wrong?”

“Well if I’m wrong, what else could I lose?” Thor sniffed, and wiped at the tear that had escaped from his eye before he headed to the front of the pod to take a seat.

“Well, if fate does want you to kill that crap-sack, you’re gonna need more than one stupid eyeball.” Rocket held out his paw as he headed to the seat in front of Thor.

“What’s this?” Thor frowned, eyeing the object that the rabbit had given him.

“What’s it look like? Some jerk lost a bet with me in Contraxia.”

“He gave you his eye in return?” Thor frowned.

“No, he gave me a hundred credits. I snuck into his room later that night and stole his eye.”

“Thank you, sweet rabbit.” Thor smiled, pulling the patch off of his left eye to push the eyeball into the socket.

Rocket grimaced. “Ooh, errr, I would’ve washed that before, erm…” He swallowed and shook his head.  “The only way I could sneak it off Contraxia was up my-” He was cut off as an alarm started. “Hey we’re here.”

Thor frowned as he stood up to get a closer look out of the front of the pod. “I don’t think this thing works,” he slapped at the side of his head, his new eye spinning in the socket. “Everything seems dark.”

“That’s not the eye.” Rocket took a deep breath as they all stared out of the cockpit at the black sky and surrounding area in space.

They docked and slowly made their way off the pod and carefully made their walked across the dark terrain of the planet.

“I hope these dwarves are better at forging than they are at cleaning.” Rocket looked around at the junk that lay all over the place as Thor glanced over the deserted area, a puzzled expression on his face. “Hey, maybe they realized they live in a junk pile in the middle of space.”

"The forge hasn’t gone dark in centuries.” Thor shook his head. No, he could feel it. Something was very, very wrong.

“You said Thanos had a gauntlet, right?” Rocket stopped walking.

“Yes. Why?” Thor asked, searching the sky. For what he didn’t know.

“Did it look anything like that?”

Thor turned and looked over to where Rocket was pointing and his blood ran cold as he saw, sitting upon one of the stone tables, a mould for the gauntlet Thanos was wearing when he attacked his ship. Suddenly, realisation washed over him.

Thanos had been here. And that wasn’t good. At all. In fact it was about as far from good as anything could be. 

“I am Groot?”

“Go back to the pod.” Thor commanded before something struck him hard and he went flying through the air as Rocket and Groot scattered in the opposite direction.

Thor pushed himself up, and turning round, he saw the large mass coming towards him. Scrambling backwards he fell against something, hard and held his hands up, palms open in a placating manner.

“Eitri, wait!” He called loudly. “Stop! It’s me!”

"Thor?” The Dwarf paused, fist still raised as Thor gave a node. “Is that you?”

There was a pause and the Dwarf dropped his hand slightly. Thor swallowed and looked up at him, taking a deep breath. “What happened here?” The god asked.

“You were supposed to protect us!” the Dwarf cried, his voice cracking “Asgard was supposed to protect us!”

“Asgard is destroyed,” Thor choked out, getting to his feet. He pointed to the gauntlet on the table. “Eitri the glove, what did you do?”

Eitri let out a shuddering breath as he stumbling over to a wall and fell heavily upon it, sliding down to the floor. “Three hundred dwarves lived on this ring. I thought if I did what he asked, they’d be safe. I made what he wanted. A device capable of harnessing the power of the stones. And he killed everyone anyway. All except me. ‘Your life is yours,’ he said. 'But your hands…your hands are mine alone.’” With that the dwarf raised both his hands and Thor felt his eyes widen as he saw they were covered in in metal from the forge.

Thor paused, but then he shook his head. No, this wouldn’t do. He needed a new hammer. There had to be a way.

Even in the word can’t there’s the word can…

Little Stark’s voice echoed in his head, a line he had heard her say once to Barton just before the archer had thrown a pop tart at her head. Man he would kill for a pop tart right now. 

But no, she was right. He wasn’t giving up

“Eitri, this isn’t about your hands”. Thor shook his head. “Every weapon you’ve ever designed, every axe, hammer, sword it’s all inside your head. Now I know it feels like all hope is lost. Trust me, I know. But together, we can kill Thanos.”

***** Tony, Peter and Dr Strange had arrived on Titan. But they were greeted with a not-so-welcoming party. After a bit of a struggle, Tony had some blue faced dude on his back, repulsor raised whilst one of the other guys had Parker in a headlock, gun pointed at his head. As they faced off against each other, the man pointing the gun at Peter spoke.

“Alright, everybody, stay where you are, chill the eff out.” His helmet disappeared to reveal a dark haired man, his eyes darted across the three of them. “I’m gonna ask you this one time. Where’s Gamora?” What the fuck? 

Tony gave a groan of exasperation as he removed his helmet and looked at the man. “Yeah, I’ll do you one better. Who’s Gamora?” “I’ll do you one better!” The man under Tony’s foot spoke “Why is Gamora?”

”Tell me where the girl is, or I swear to you, I’m gonna French-fry this little freak.” The man tightened his hand on Parker and Tony felt his temper snap.

“Let’s do it! You shoot my guy, I blast him. Let’s go!” He yelled, extended his nano-tech cannon and pointing it straight at the guys face.

“Do it, Quill! I can take it.” The man snarled at him. 

Jesus Christ it was like arguing with Rogers.

“No, he can’t take it!” The woman with the strange antennae insisted.

 “She’s right. You can't.” Dr Strange but in, completely deadpan, his tone bored.

“Oh yeah? You don’t wanna tell me where she is? That’s fine. I’ll kill all three of you and beat it out of Thanos myself.” The man they now knew to be Quill glanced at Parker. “Starting with you.”

 “Wait, what. Thanos?” Before Tony could say anything, Strange beat him to it. “Alright, let me ask you this one time, what master do you serve?”

”What master do I serve?” Quill looked at him, sarcasm dripping from his voice and body language. “What am I supposed to say, Jesus?”

“You’re from Earth?” Tony looked at him, suddenly cottoning on.

“I’m not from Earth. I’m from Missouri”

“Yeah, that’s on Earth, dip-shit.” Tony spat, with the tone of someone talking to a very, very stupid person, which in all fairness he appeared to be doing. “What are you hassling us for?”

“So, you’re not with Thanos?”  Parker spoke for the first time.

“WITH Thanos?!” Quill scoffed indignantly “No, I’m here to kill Thanos! He took my girl. Wait… who are you?”

“We’re the Avengers, man.” Parker remoeved his helmet and mask.

“Oh” Quill relaxed his hold a little.

“You’re the ones Thor told us about!” The bug looking woman exclaimed excitedly. 

“You know Thor?” Tony whipped round to face her, barely keeping the excitement out of his voice. They could use Point Break, man could they use him!

 “Yeah. Tall guy, not that good-looking,” Quill sniffed as Parker gave him an incredulous look, “needed saving.”

 Dr Strange paused before he asked the question Tony was dying to know the answer to. “Where is he now?”

“Took my pod, my food, my rucksack and went off to find a new hammer to kill Thanos with.” Quill shrugged as he released Parker completely. Dr Strange and Tony exchanged a crestfallen look. It didn’t appear like they were going to get any help from Thor where they were but maybe, just maybe, the rest of the Avengers would.

As they were now allies of sorts, the group all introduced themselves properly and Quill began to walk around the ground, holding out some kind of scanner, or spirit measure, Tony wasn’t sure which.

“What the heck happened to this planet? Its eight degrees off its axis.” He muttered “Gravitational pull is all over the place.”

In the background Mantis was jumping up and down, floating higher than she should have been able to, almost as if she was jumping on some trampoline. Tony watched her for a second before an idea formed in his mind.

“Yeah, we got one advantage. He’s coming to us. We’ll use it.” He said, firmly. “All right, I have a plan” he looked round at the group, “or at least the beginnings of one. It’s pretty simple. We draw him in, pin him down, get what we need. Definitely don’t wanna dance with this guy. We just want the gauntlet.”

At that Drax gave a loud yawn and Tony glared at him.

 “Are you yawning? In the middle of this, while I’m breaking it down? Huh? Did you hear what I said?”

“I stopped listening after you said we need a plan.” Drax shrugged honestly

“Okay, Mr. Clean is on his own page.” Tony looked at Quill for help.

“See, not winging it, isn’t really what they do” Quill pulled a face, almost apologetically.

“Uh, what exactly is it that they do?” Parker asked.

“Kick names, take ass.” Mantis replied with all the ferocity of an eight week old kitten.

“Yeah, that’s right” Drax nodded as he settled into a stance, facing the remaining Avengers.

Right there Tony took it all back. This was nothing like trying to deal with Rogers.

Cap was a stubborn son-of-a-bitch, but he was smart. He would listen and would get them to listen too. As Tony paused, for the first time in ages actually wishing Rogers was in front of him, an expression of deep hopelessness crossed his face before he spoke again “Alright, just get over here, please. Mr. Lord, can you get your folks to circle up?”

“Mr. Lord, Star-Lord is fine.” Quill motioned to Drax and Mantis to come and listen.

“We gotta coalesce.” Tony tried again in a softer voice. “ Cause if all we come at him with is a plucky attitude…”

“Dude, don’t call us plucky. We don’t know what it means.” Quill shook his head, and internally Tony died a little more. Alright, we’re optimistic, yes. I like your plan. Except it sucks, so let me do the plan, and that way it might be really good.”

“Tell him about the dance-off to save the universe.” Drax interjected.

“What dance-off?” Tony frowned.

“It’s not a… it’s not… it’s nothing” Quill shook his head.

“Like in Footloose, the movie?” Parker interjected.

“Exactly like Footloose!” Quill looked at him excitedly “Is it still the greatest movie in history?

“It never was.” 

“Don’t encourage this, alright?” Tony rounded on the kid as Quill wore an expression that looked like the wind had been completely sucked out of his sails. “We’re getting no help from Flash Gordon here”.

“Flash Gordon? By the way, that’s a compliment. Don’t forget, I’m half human” Quill pointed at Tony and Peter “So that fifty-percent of me that’s stupid? That’s a hundred-percent you.”

“Your math is blowing my mind.” Tony deadpanned.

“Excuse me, but…” Mantis spoke, and Tony looked at her, before his attention was taken by Strange and he frowned again. “Does your friend often do that?

The Wizard was sitting cross-legged, floating slightly above the ground, his hands poised in a mystic gesture with the Time Stone glowing brightly in the pendant round his neck. Green vapour like energy swirled around him, his cloak billowing behind, as if caught on a breeze. His head was jerking rapidly from side to side, the motion blurring, but almost like he was looking for something.

 Tony stepped towards him “Strange! We alright?”

 Suddenly, Strange snapped out of his trance and fell forward, letting out a cry. Tony gently caught him.

“You’re back. You’re alright”

 “Hey, what was that?” Parker asked.

 “I went forward in time to view alternate futures,” Strange panted slightly as he caught his breath, looking at Tony, eyes wide, “to see all the possible outcomes of the coming conflict.

 “How many did you see?” Quill asked

 “Fourteen million, six hundred and five.”

 Tony wasn’t sure he wanted to know the answer to the next question, but he asked it anyway. “How many did we win?

There was a pregnant pause as Dr Strange stared intently at him for a moment before he took a deep breath and looked Tony straight in the eyes. “One.”

*****

"How are we looking, Bruce?” Natasha spoke nto the coms device glancing back over her shoulder, prompting Katie to do the same, where she could see Bruce running behind the hovercrafts in the giant Hulk buster suit. He’d been unable to get the Hulk to come out, sheepishly explaining they were having issues, so Steve had suggested calmly as everyone else had almost had a meltdown, that this was the next best thing.

“Yeah, I think I’m getting the hang of it,” Bruce responded sounding excited, “it’s so amazing! Man it’s like being the Hulk without actually…” He was cut off as he tripped over a piece of rock jutting out of the ground and crashed to the floor. Katie sighed and turned her attention back out across the vast Wakandan land.

“I’m ok. I’m ok!”

“Steve,” Katie swallowed, catching her husband’s attention. He turned to look at her over his shoulder, but she found she didn’t really know what she wanted to say. She was worried, scared, underprepared.

“I know.” Steve responded with a soft voice, instantly understanding her, he always did. He reached round to pull her to him, his left arm over her shoulder, trying to lend her some comfort as they continued their journey, the wind whipping their hair as they sped across the planes.

Eventually the hovercrafts began to slow before they came to a stop, the Wakandan warriors easily jumping off the side of the craft and falling into line. Steve hopped down, turning to Katie, both his hands on her waist as she jumped and he lifted her down, her feet landing on the dry, brown grass of the Serengeti that stretched for miles around them.

"Alright I’ve got two heat signatures breaking through the treeline.” Rhodey informed from high above. Instantly, Steve and Katie’s eyes flew upwards to watch him zooming overhead as T'Challa in his panther suit led them all to the centremost group where the Wakandans had started up a war chant.

“Thank you for standing with us.” The king spoke to a large man dressed in furs getting his own block ready for battle. The man said something in their language shaking T'Challa’s hand, before the king looked back at the barrier and the ships surrounding it and then turned to Steve who nodded. Katie took a deep breath and pressed the star on her bangle. The nano-particles spread up her arm, across her chest and down, encasing her completely in her suit.  

Steve’s eyebrow raised at the action. “So that’s new.” He quipped, a sideways smile spreading across his face and Katie shrugged.

“Nano-tech, apparently.” She engaged her helmet and began running her scanners. “I can’t get a lock on what’s in those ships though.”

“Well, let’s go find out.” Steve suggested gently, and along with Natasha and T’Challa, they headed to the edge of the dome. The tall, blue haired woman they had grappled with in Edinburgh was there with a huge beast they hadn’t seen before, one of the ones that had attacked New York. As they watched, she drew her sword across the force field which fizzled as she tested the strength, cocking her head to the side.

“Where’s your other friend?” Katie asked her and Steve almost rolled his eyes at her deliberate dig. The woman glared at her.

“You will pay for his life with yours. Thanos will have that stone.”

“That’s not gonna happen.” Steve’s voice remained even, not a threat as such, simply a statement, as he raised his chin and looked her straight in the face.

T’Challa, however, was much more aggressive as he spoke and Katie looked at him, surprised by the normally mild mannered man’s fierce tone.

“You are in Wakanda now.” He glared at their foes. “Thanos will have nothing but dust and blood.”

“We have blood to spare.” The Woman smirked a little as she brandished her sword with a snarl. Behind her, the ships started raising their outer hulls.

Knowing that was about as much a conversation as they were getting, and as much of one as he wanted, Steve gestured with his head and the four of them made their way back. Steve made sure Katie and Natasha were in front of him, just in case, and every so often he threw a glance over his shoulder as the ships continued to open.

“They surrender?” Bucky asked as Steve took up his place at his best friend’s side, Katie falling in line to Steve’s right.

“Not exactly.” Steve huffed.

Katie glanced round Steve over to Bucky and nodded to the gun in his hand “Sure you can handle that, sweetheart?”

Steve let out a snort and his mouth curved into a grin as he recalled Bucky saying the same thing to her almost two years previously. Bucky gave a bark of a laugh and winked at Katie who raised an eyebrow, smirking. Then the three of them turned their attention back to the edge of the dome and, as they watched, a horde of what looked like mutated dogs rushed through the trees and foliage, heading straight for the barrier.

T'Challa began to chant with his army, repeating the war-cry loudly, as the blue horned woman thrust her sword down and the creatures rushed forward smashing themselves into the barrier without care.

“What the hell?” Bucky muttered watching the creatures try to force themselves in, but every limb and body part that passed through the field ended up being cut off.

“Looks like we pissed her off.” Nat pointed out.

“Just a little.” Katie turned her head to look at her.

Steve remained still, observing, sizing up his opponent as ever, not flinching an inch even when he spotted that some of the creatures managed to get halfway through before they were cut in half. 

“They’re killing themselves.” Okoye breathed in shock as the creatures carried on.

The front line of the blocks of warriors quickly raised their shields when they noticed a small handful of the creatures had actually managed to get through, their badly burnt bodies cantering across the plains towards them. With a command from T'Challa the army began firing weapons at a few that drew near.

“Honey.” Steve turned to Katie, taking a deep breath. He didn’t want her to leave his side but they needed all the fire power they had. With a nod, and a quick squeeze of his hand, she engaged her helmet and launched herself into the air.

She drew up alongside Sam, who turned his head to grin at her as she sped alongside him. Despite the situation, she couldn’t help but put herself into a little twirl, allowing the euphoria at being up there again, fully suited after so long, to take her away for a moment. But then, it was down to business and the two of them began to work in tandem, dropping missiles and bombs at the stragglers.

“You see the teeth on those things?” Sam’s astonished voice said

“Alright, Kiddo, let’s go. Back up, Sammy,” Rhodey warned, as he flew along the edge of the dome, dropping more bombs on the creatures that were still partially getting through, “you’ll get your wings singed.”

Katie surged forward, taking the opposite side of the dome, engaging her shoulder cannons, blasting away the ones underneath, but then FRIDAY locked onto some of the creatures on either end of the swarm who had begun to make their way further from the main pile running along the outside of the barrier that circled the city.

“They’re spreading out!” Katie called in warning.

“Cap, if these things circle the perimeter and get in behind us,” Bruce echoed, “there’s nothing between them and Vision.”

“Then we better keep them in front of us.” Steve responded calmly, his gaze not once faltering as he simply watched the edge of the dome.

“How do we do that?” Okoye scoffed.

“We open the barrier,” T’Challa replied with resolve. Steve turned to look at him, taking a deep breath. “On my signal, open Northwest Section Seventeen.”

“Requesting confirmation my king…you said open the barrier?”

“On my signal.” He confirmed his instructions.

Steve lifted his arms, engaging the shields that T’Challa had given him, as Sam and Katie continued to circle high up, shooting a few more strays before they flew over the assembled troops, hovering and waiting for the command.  

T’Challa stepped forward before the armies, crossing his arms before his chest. “Wakanda forever!” he cried out.

“Wakanda forever!” was the answering shout from his people before they all took off running for the barrier.

“NOW!” T'Challa shouted into his communicator, and a small portion of the barrier opened, allowing the creatures to spill.

Steve ran with T’challa, the pair of them forging ahead of the running army at super speed as they sprinted in unison. Upon reaching a shallow stream, they both launched themselves up and over, propelling themselves at the creatures and from there the battle was on.

Katie was swooping, shooting, diving, taking out as many of the creatures as she could. The weapons upgrades Tony had made were amazing-she had the ability to turn her gauntlet into a sword of sorts, she had a shield, guns…you name it and FRIDAY was on hand to remind her exactly what she had and automatically use them when needed. All in all, it was the best Supernova suit her brother had ever developed, and she felt hopeful that his latest Iron Man one would be good enough to keep him safe wherever he was.

Steve, meanwhile, was hammering the pointed end of his shields into any of the creatures that came near enough. Bucky was gunning down those that came towards him, the Wakandan Warriors were using their spears and guns. The animals weren’t hard to take down, a decent hook or shot to the head did it, but they were persistent and there was so damned many of them…

“How much longer, Shuri?” T'Challa’s voice rang in Steve’s ear as he kicked another one of the animals straight in the mouth sending it flying.

“We’ve barely begun, brother!”

“You might want to pick up the pace!” T’Challa urged.

“Please do…” Steve found himself muttering as he pounded another of the creatures, feeling its scull crush beneath his knuckles.

*****

Thor had managed to get the Forge started again, using the pod and a large rope to pull the stuck rings into a spin, but then the iris had snapped, leaving nothing for it. He had to open it himself.

“All-fathers, give me strength.” He mumbled as he rolled his shoulders preparing to grab either side of the iris.

“You understand, boy?” Eitri warned. “You’re about to take the full force of a star. It’ll kill you.”

“Only if I die.” Thor cracked his neck as he took a deep breath. He had to survive, fate willed it, he was going to kill Thanos.  

”Yes. That’s what…killing you means.” Eitri frowned, utterly boggled at Thor’s words.

Thor pulled down on the two levers, bringing them towards him and the iris began to open. The stream of pure, stellar energy blasted past him and into the forge once more. Thor grit his teeth as the force of the full beam of the star burned through him, like nothing he had ever felt before.

“Hold it! Hold it, Thor!”

The metal ingots began to melt and Thor let out a yell as he felt his skin burning, until he could hold it no more and his grip slipped. He fell down into the forge, bouncing limply off a structure and landing on the floor, harshly as Rocket, who had followed in the pod, grimaced. The thud Thor’s body made as it landed was enough to make Groot look up from his game.

“Thor! Say something. Come on. Thor, you okay?” Rocket asked, looking at the god who appeared as far from okay as you could get.

Eitri was clumsily and urgently pulling the mould, which was still glowing red hot. onto the floor. He broke it loose from the frame, punching it with his metal fists to free the axe head.

“I think he’s dying!” Rocket stuttered, looking up urgently for help

“He needs the axe!” Eitri said, frantically “Where’s the handle? Tree, help me find the handle!”

As the two sides of the axe head lay glowing on the floor, Groot looked sadly at Thor, as Eitri was desperately searchin for the handle. Then, realising he could help, the tree scowled with determination and stood, extending his fingers towards the parts of the axe-head, growing them at extraordinary speed. As he twined them around the metal, he cried out at the burning pain but didn’t hesitate, slamming them together and locking them permanently into one structure by winding the growing vines around them. He raised it high above his head and, with a mighty cry, chopped his extended arm with the other hand to sever it.

Thor lay motionless, but then his fingers twitched, and the new weapon levitated in a crackle of lightning echoed by the sparks between the God’s fingers…

***** Chapter 37 Part 2

#stark spangled banner #steve rogers #steve rogers fanfiction #Katie Stark #steve rogers x ofc #steve rogers x original female character #mcu #mcu fanfic #chris evans #chris evans characters

[iloveyouthree-thousand]

What happens in Germany stays in Germany. AKA, Tony refuses to tell Peter why the Avengers never came home. 

I’m reposting a couple of fics I had up on FF.net. This one is post-CACW and pre-IW. 

//

"Are you ever going to tell me what happened after Germany?"

The whirring sound of the welder ceased for a second. Tony lifted up his mask to look at the boy who was across the shop, dry-erase marker in his mouth, writing out calculus problems on the glass wall.

"Kid, what did I tell you about hanging from the ceiling?"

"You're jealous that you can't do it?" he said, using his sleeve to correct an error in his math.

"No."

"That it looks like a lot of fun? Because it is."

"Try again."

Peter pouted his lip. "It leaves footprints on the ceiling."

"Bingo."

The boy flipped himself to the ground, frowning as he looked up at his homework. "It's all upside-down now. I can barely read it."

Tony set the welding gun on the table, stopping to write a few notes. "Good," he said inattentively, "maybe it'll take you more than two minutes to work out the equations and you can feel like a normal kid for once. Who does his homework right-side-up. And hates calculus."

"Hey. You like cal, too."

"Yea, well. It's too late for me to be normal."

Peter rolled his eyes, walking over to sit in the rolling chair next to Tony's. "I know you're avoiding my question."

Tony didn't take his eyes off of the graphics in front of him. "What question?"

The kid rolled his chair around to the other side of the bench, his elbows casually leaning onto the tabletop. His face was shadowed in the blue light of the holographic screen. "The same one I've been asking for weeks now. Ow," he complained, rubbing his forehead after Tony poked it.

"You're in my blueprint."

"I'm trying to get your attention."

"Can you try to get my attention somewhere else?"

Tony rolled his chair away from the table so that he could look at the other side of the suit and avoid the voice that was talking his ear off.

"Mr. Stark—,"

He took a huge breath in, squeezing the tiny screwdriver in his hand until he thought it was going to break.

"What?!"

Peter's eyes shot wide open, taken aback by Tony's red face and flared nostrils, before flitting shyly to the ground. His shoulders rolled forward, hunching over in the backless stool as he stared at his toes.

"Nevermind."

Close to twenty minutes passed, the room silent save for the Aerosmith album playing quietly in the background. Tony kept fiddling with the suit, his hands twitching just a little each time he thought about the look Peter had given him. He opened his mouth, trying to muster up an apology, but it died on his tongue. Instead, he kept to himself, anxiously glancing at the kid periodically.

Another ten minutes went by, meaning Peter hadn't talked in nearly half an hour. It had to be some kind of record. Tony had spent the better part of that time trying reconfigure some wiring, but now he was just absentmindedly cutting and twisting the copper connections. His hands moved in a mechanical rhythm, unconsciously, because his thoughts were focused a million miles away.

Well, maybe more like a couple feet away. On a brown-haired kid doing homework in the corner.

Every time Tony looked over he was huddled over his textbook, spinning his chair gently from side to side and distractedly tapping a pencil against the table. He didn't look up from his book once.

Tony was going to make it up to him. He'd add those roller blade things (what did Peter call them, Heelys?) into a suit. Peter had been begging for them for weeks now, but Tony said they were impractical.

Who cares about practical. He's a kid. If it makes him happy he can have the damn shoe wheels.

Maybe he'd get him an ice cream, or take him to a movie, or let him drive one of the horribly expensive cars collecting dust in the garage. That would work, right? Kids like that kind of stuff, don't they?

He made a mental note to ask FRIDAY or Google or Pepper later: how to say sorry without actually having to say sorry. Tony pondered for a second, then added: how to make a teenager not hate you.

The consistent tapping of Peter's pencil ceased, prompting Tony to snap out of his daze.

"AH—," he screamed, nearly falling over in his chair.

Startled by Tony's loud reaction, Peter let a small squeal of his own before quickly composing himself.

"Sh, Mr. Stark, it's just me," he said gently, hanging from the ceiling by a thin rope of webbing.

"Jesus Christ—what in God's name are you doing?"

Peter cocked an eyebrow, still dangling in front of Tony's face. "Well, I tried the whole 'silent treatment' thing but that didn't work, so I went with plan B."

"Which was try and give me a heart attack? And for the love of—can you get down now?"

The boy smiled sheepishly before attempting to casually flip onto the floor, but his T-shirt gave way and draped over his face.

"Oof," he muttered, dropping to the floor in a tangled mess of web and nerdy science fabric.

"I'm going to do us both a favor and pretend that didn't happen."

Tony reached down to help him up, and the kid jumped to his feet.

"I knew that would work," he said, a stupid grin plastered across his face as he brushed himself off. "So, now that you're finally paying attention to me, are you gonna finally tell me what went down with Captain America?"

"Nothing happened."

"Then how come Mr. Rhodes and I are the only Avengers that are ever here?"

Tony sighed, playing with the tools sitting on his workbench to avoid Peter's prying stare.

"First, kid, you're not an Avenger—you're a trainee on a good day. That was your choice, and I fully agree with that. And second, Cap just decided he needed a break. From me. Call it... irreconcilable differences," his face twisted into a sad, rueful smile, "and the kids went with him."

When Tony had taken Peter home after Berlin, he'd assured him that everything would be okay. There was still hope Tony's his eyes.

"I'm sorry we lost, Mr. Stark."

"Don't worry about it. He's my problem, not yours. And he'll come around. You just worry about that homework."

But nearly six months had passed and Captain America hadn't come back. Neither had many of the others. That small, hopeful light in Tony's eyes had dimmed into defeat.

"I thought you guys were friends."

A flat, drained laugh escaped Tony. "You and me both, kid."

Peter's face fell, almost imperceptibly, but Tony noticed. He knew that feeling. Peter Parker, shy but proud owner of Captain America pajamas and a replica shield, was beginning to see a side of Steve Rogers he had never known.

But as much as Steve had hurt Tony—and the hurt was still fresh and raw and utterly consuming—as much as he needed someone else to shoulder even a fraction of the anti-hero part he had played for so long, when he looked into the kid's eyes—he couldn't do it. Peter already had to come to grips with the flawed and messy reality that was Tony Stark. He didn't need to see him lose Steve Rogers too.

At the end of the day, Steve might have cut him in a way that he never saw coming, but he still hadn't forgotten the reason the whole mess started in the first place. He wanted to keep the Avengers together, not just to save the world. He needed them.

We all need a family. The Avengers are yours, maybe more so than mine.

Tony knew better than anyone that families aren't all they're cracked up to be.

But he also knew better than anyone that it was damn hard to give up on them.

"Sometimes the world forgets that, behind these masks and alter-egos and gaudy, god-awful costumes, there are people just trying to do the best they can in a job no one else wanted."

"You don't blame Mr. Rogers for the Sokovia Accords?"

Tony took a deep, labored breath.

"The Accords were a shit show with no perfect solution, that's politics. I did what I thought would protect the people I care about. Rogers did too. He can pretend to be the super soldier all day, but deep down he's still the scrappy kid from Brooklyn who lost his best friend a long time ago and will do whatever it takes to never feel that again."

Tony closed his eyes, remembering the haunting look on Steve's face as he bled out in the dream induced by Wanda. He felt that pressing need to do more—to do anything to save him.

"I know what that feels like," he murmured. "Heroes make mistakes, kid, it's part of the job. We continue to believe in them anyway, we have to, because the second we don't... I—none of us should live in a world like that. People like me will always need people like Steve Rogers."

Peter stopped pressing. Mr. Stark would give him more information, if he wanted to, on his own terms. Right now, it only mattered that Tony Stark still believed Captain America was a hero—a man worth protecting—and that was enough for him.

Tony Stark would always believe in Steve Rogers.

And Peter Parker would always believe in Tony Stark.

One day, he might just get Tony to believe in himself, too.

#irondad #peter parker #tony stark #cacw

[laufire]

ENDGAME

Okay. I definitely won’t be able to sleep today, so I might as well pour out all my Endgame feelings right now.

First thing first, I was probably in the WORST POSSIBLE HEADSPACE to watch this film; national elections where fascists could take over Congress (spoiler alert, they didn’t. I literally just cried with relief for over ten minutes) AND being extremely concerned about characters you over-identify with on the same day, all after the worst year of your life, apparently don’t mix well. Who would have thunk.

(btw, I was spoiled as I was voting about That Very Big Thing; everyone who follows me probably can guess what I’m talking about. I almost threw hands tbh. Then almost cried over a dozen times on the way to the theatre because the stress of the day was killing me ugh).

All this to say, my head is a mess right now, I don’t even know if this post is going to make any sense, and I will probably take time to process certain things and have a definite opinion on them LOL. But well, here is now.

And err. Warning for a brief mention of suicide ideation?

(crossposted to dreamwidth, livejournal, and pillowfort)

TONY (& CO)

– In case it wasn’t obvious, the thing I was spoiled about? Yeah, it was Tony’s death. FML. I mean, even if I wasn’t spoiled, I would’ve seen it coming as soon as we saw him after the five years jump, lbr (happily off-screen married to Pepper? With an adorable daughter? Pepper resigned to the possibility of losing him instead of begging him to stay like in IW? And then the movie kept hammering it home LMAO; that and a lot of things for the mains that I kind of saw coming from less than a third into the movie, which IDK if it’s because I was particularly intuitive, or the foreshadowing was that heavy handed xD).

Obviously, I’m not rocking your world if I tell you I’m extremely heartbroken, I guess. Especially because, as I said, my emotions were already all over the place. And seeing a character I adore, and in who I project a lot of my issues on –including, yes, suicidal issues–, sacrifice their lives (no matter how poignant, and moving, and well-written it might be) was incredibly hard for me. So, yeah. I’m going to have to deal with that for a while I guess. Which I plan to do by writing a bunch of Fix-It and Not Actually Fix-It fics ASAP.

But. I mean, out of all the endings Tony could have, this was always my second choice for him. And he was grandiose in this film. He figured out time travel. He created a gauntlet capable of holding the Infinity stones. Beings far more powerful than him were trying to carry that gauntlet to the van and none of them thought to use it, but he did. He was completely vindicated. He is the Saviour of the Universe.

And he looked gorgeous the entire time, which is truly important for me.

– In all seriousness, the thing I take to heart the most is that

his legacy remains intact

, and it’s inspiring, and heroic, and poetic, and prosperous. Clearly, without him, my enthusiasm for the universe will never be the same, but one thing that worried me is that I wouldn’t want anything to do with Marvel for a while after this film, and that’s not how I’m feeling; I’m very much looking forward to further parallels and homages to him in my ever-growing list :P

Tho, honestly, I’m kind of side-eyeing myself for the fact that, the one time!!! I go and fall in love with a male lead character, he happens to be genuinely heroic and self-sacrificing, instead of just using those concepts as lip-service and getting to have his cake and eat it too LMAO. I mean, sure, given my reactions to those characters, the AeJons Snowrgaryens of the world, I wouldn’t have liked him so much if it was the case, but dammit. It’d be nice to experience that high sometime xD

– The Iron Fam is the best part of this movie for me. Tony’s relationship with Morgan was way too adorable to handle it; Pepper was enormous and so poised (and the scene where they circle around each other in their armors… poetic cinema); I didn’t get enough Iron Husbands to satiate me (Rhodey’s caress should have been skin to skin!), but I loved what we got; Happy is an assholes who made me cry ABOUT CHEESEBURGERS.

And let’s not talk about Peter, OMG. My heart. And Harley appeared to Tony’s funeral! Though, honestly, the person I missed the most there was Christine Everhart, who should have been there just on the basis that I like her (plus, ya know, IMO she was important to Tony’s origin dammit).

I’m going to consider Nebula an honorary member, tbh. Her scenes with Tony in space cut me deep; and she and Rhodey are buddies!

Natasha and Fury (I loved his appearance *sniffs*) are honorary members too, because fuck it. They both appeared first vis a vis Tony on his movies, and have two of my favourite relationships with him, and I say so.

– Related to that, one Failure™ of this movie, is not providing a Nat & Tony one-on-one scene. Seriously, I can’t believe they didn’t realize how necessary that was. But I ADORED the scene where they and Bruce are lying down bouncing ideas about the stones (it made me softly whisper “ot3” LOL); it was possibly the only “Avengers” moment that worked for me –other than Clintasha, but that’s on a different league tbh.

I wanted more Nebula & Tony scenes too; I would’ve loved to see Tony interact with Past!Nebula. Yes, realistically, he would probably had made her LOL, but. I needed it. it’s definitely on my to-write-list :P

– I wanted just some positive interaction between Carol & Tony to counteract Current Comics Bullshit and I got Carol rescuing him, smiling beatifically at him, and Tony basically saying she was Da Bomb and the Avengers should follow her lead instead of keep sucking xDD So that was nice.

– I loved the scene at the beginning where he fucking SNAPS, and goes for Steve’s throat. It was probably my favourite scene. It’s resolution with everyone’s reactions and after the flashforward kind of… totally sucked, but whatever. Still amazing.

– The only part of his storyline that I HATED, and I mean absolutely loathed, was his scene with Howard. Jesus Fucking Christ. They went with the most simplistic take they could have, didn’t they. I haven’t felt more insulted in the theatre in my entire life, and my family made me watch both Ocho apellidos movies with them, so Marvel? That’s a feat. The moment where he says his father hit him with a belt so we (Tony included) are supposed to think, well, at least Howard wasn’t physically violent with his son, hooray?

And I think we’re supposed to take his “wouldn’t want my son to turn like me” as motivation for Tony’s actions and like… newsflash, but Tony has “put the worlds’ needs over his own gain” since Iron Man. Fucking. One. It’s literally what he does in this film, because we’re shown that, despite having achieved his happy ending, he was still trying to figure out time travel even if it meant risking his future.

Seriously, if they wanted me to be moved, they should’ve used Maria. Or hell, Edwin Jarvis was right there. And if whitewashing of Howard’s abuse becomes one of those MCU things that ends up bleeding into the comics, I’m gonna riot. Ugh.

BTW, just thought about this. Has anyone confirmed what the H. of Morgan’s second name stands for? Because my immediate idea was that it was for Happy, but now the fear that it might relate to Howard has entered my brain and I need someone to drive it out.

OTHER FAVES :P

– I am a lot more heartbroken over Natasha’s death than I expected to be. I like her character on paper a lot, but sometimes the writing or the acting don’t agree with me; neither was the case in this movie. I thought she was incredible. I loved the scene where she’s leading the post-dusting council. So losing her in this movie, of all movies, really hurts. And I understand why people who love her would be unhappy, and even furious –to some extent, so am I, tbh; specially because I don’t think she was properly honoured by the other characters after the fact–, but I do think it was extremely fitting for her arc.

– I loved Nebula’s storyline; how she was able to form new relationships, and what I know will be enduring friendships. Her interactions with her younger self were fascinating too; I loved that she perfectly followed the time-travel mumbo-jumbo. And she was so adorable at the beginning. Her bond with Tony didn’t have as much screen time as I wish it had, but the rest of the movie really shows how much his kindness touched her, and I love it. I’m a bit sad she didn’t get to kill any Thanos, tho.

– Okay, putting him in the “faves” section doesn’t exactly feel right, but whatever: I maintain that Thanos is a great villain. I don’t know what people that say otherwise are thinking. He’s the perfect foil for so many characters, and he is genuinely villainous; he is so delusional and self-righteous (seriously, his “solution” for the Snap 2.0 was… o.0) his plans feel sincerely menacing. He perfectly spells out his own doom; narratively speaking? He’s a joy of a villain to me. And I loved how he reacted to the information about the future; specifically, that upon learning about Nebula’s “betrayal”, his tactic was SOFTENING towards past!Nebula to make her even more eager to please him.

– Carol didn’t have much screen time, but I liked what she got (like, nothing too deep, but I didn’t expect much). I liked the Carol/Rhodey nod, even if I’m not sure how I feel about the ship in this incarnation. I wanted to hear something about Maria, but welp.

And on a shallow note, I kind of love that fandom absolutely freaked out about her wearing lipstick on a scene (while praising the “~natural no-make-up make up, effortlessly feminine without looking like you’re actually trying” look that she sported on CM, and disregarding that while yes, it was a troubling look that fitted a pattern across movies, A4 was made first so it was hardly a “betrayal” of the semi-grunge style), for the movie to go and give her the butchest look she’s ever gonna get on film lmao (and I will be pleasantly surprised if they’d keep a look like this for a movie where she��s the lead and not a supporting character, tbh).

– Sam and Bucky were So Soft™ with each other OMG. If their show doesn’t have at least ONE episode centred on them going undercover as a married couple, I’ll write it myself, because they are perfect for it (especially if you add some of the early banter/antagonism).

Btw, Sam getting the shield? The only good part of that mess at the end LMAO.

– I have mixed feelings for the Alt!Gamora development. I just… really loved the GOTG-IW versions of her character and her ship, and she’s gone and just… :( And that type of pseudo-amnesia/relationship do-over thing can be so badly written sometimes… But she’s back, and if done right, the role-reversal between her and Nebula could be gr10 for GOTG 3. We’ll see.

THE BAD™

– I know if I walked up right now to the Russos, and asked them why they hate Thor so much, they wouldn’t even understand the question. They would say, but we love Thor?? He’s such a fun character?? Or some version of the sort. They can fool themselves, but not me. You don’t do this to a character for whom you feel a modicum of respect, IMO.

Like, the fat-phobic jokes? The way they dealt with his substance abuse? How his arc about stepping up and assuming responsibilities ended by… him throwing away his responsibilities. Losing his hammer was a turning point for him to relearn the lessons about value and worthiness and power he’d been taught, and then… this movie. I couldn’t even fully enjoy his scenes with Frigga because I was so appalled by it all.

His only great scene, IMO, was how horrified and out of it he sounded after killing Thanos. I really felt that.

I didn’t even enjoy that he passed his power to Valkyrie because… unlike with Sam, that basically came out of nowhere. If they at least had given them ONE more scene at the beginning; seriously, it writes itself: just put her in the room when Bruce and Rocket are trying to convince him to go with them, and have her being the one that does it. Make her help him the way HE helped HER in Ragnarok; show her trying to help him and getting angry and frustrated. IDK, something.

And I know I’m probably alone in this because everyone around me practically creamed their pants when it happened but… having Steve control Mjolnir felt like adding insult to injury. Not just lifting it (which I would’ve been annoyed by too, given that they rewrote the new Asgardian mythology just to have this scene lol), but commanding it as only Thor did. Just. How much more are you going to take from Thor, people.

I want to make it clear that my problem is with the execution, not with Thor going through this; that, written differently, with more care, I could have loved.

– I’ve always been conflicted with MCU Steve. I loved the Captain America old comics I read as a child, and 616 Steve was A Hero. So I wanted to love MCU Steve just as much but… it often felt that he just didn’t measure up.

Well, conflict over. I don’t like the guy. Reading Man Out of Time just a few months ago probably isn’t helping (and yeah, that’s not a fair comparison, but it illustrates why I look at 616 Steve, and I adore him, and then I turn to MCU Steve and just… this guy is not worth my time).

I couldn’t even enjoy the ship, because my feelings for it come solely from my love for Peggy, and she didn’t even get to say a word? Add to that the fact that an endless loop of “OMG HE MADE OUT WITH YOUR NIECE. NOW HIS NIECE. RUN” was going through my head the entire time (the fact that Sharon was absent from the funeral when EVC acted in half of the MCU Russos films is hilarious in light of this xDD).

 MISC

– I really enjoyed some of the heist shenanigans. Especially Tony’s plan for a distraction being GIVING HIS PAST SELF A HEART ATTACK. How extra and edgy can my man be xD Tony and Scott are A Duo.

– I was thinking that Alt!Loki might make an appearance in GOTG3 if Thor is really a part of it, and how that might mix, but then a friend reminded me about his show, so I guess that’s where they’re going? IDK, The Avengers’ Loki is probably the one I liked the least out of all his appearances, so unless I hear something really good about it, I’m not picking it up.

– IDK if it’s because I was desensitized, but the white suits and Clint’s hairdo didn’t look as ugly on the final product?

– So THAT was the gay character Feige went on about. I knew he was going to be an unnamed nobody with less than five lines LMAO. Stop being cowards and give us Danbeau and WinterFalcon.

– I was very touched about Ned and Peter’s hug (MY BBYS), but isn’t Ned supposed to be five years older? AKA out of high school? I mean, he looked like he had missed Peter, not like he had disappeared with him too? And the entire class is going on a trip in FFH? Is it because of nostalgia/a friends thing? Were all of them dusted? Because poor teacher then xDD

– I think a lot of emotional threads were unceremoniously dropped, but other than the ones I’ve mentioned, I’m more indifferent towards their recipients so… eh. A great example is the fact that Bruce’s conflicting journey with Hulk was solved off-screen LMAO. Some of the humour felt extra-cringy too tbh.

– I have Tony-related fanart as my lock screen, my computer background, and my phone background. I get teary eyed with just looking at them. I should think of changing them, but I wont xD

– I know I’m forgetting things but whatevs, I can talk about them later.

#tony stark #mcu #marvel #iron family #thor odinson #nebula #natasha romanoff #thanos #winterfalcon #and other stuff but i'd be here all day #marvel (movies) #gamora #avengers (movies) #avengers: endgame #endgame spoilers #my thoughts #talking to the void #marvel thoughts

[omg-foreverfilledwithweird-posts]

Gotta Secret, Can You Keep It? (Peter Parker X Reader)

Summary: A few weeks have passed since your almost kiss with Peter Parker, and it’s all the two of you can think about and all the Avengers tease you about. Tonight, you are visited by an injured Spider-Man in need of your help, which you gladly give to him with no hesitation, and you’re surprised to feel a spark between the two of you that confuses your heart even more. The next night you make a few discoveries and uncover a secret. But when you confront the person after an Avengers pool party, what will happen next?

Author’s Note: Okay, okay, I’ve been waiting to write this part for awhile and I’m so EXCITED for you to read it, I had so much fun writing it. Just trying to cure my IW depression, you all get it. P.S I LOVE TOM’S HAIR IN INFINITY WAR LIKE OMG So as always, enjoy!! AND THE LYRIC AS THE TITLE IS SECRET BY THE PIERCES I’M ALSO SORRY IT’S SO LONG BUT READ IT IT’S WORTH IT!! AND WHEN YOU SEE THIS (*) IMAGINE THIS:

If you guys like it, let me know and I may do another part... ;)

Warnings: So much fluff, SO MUCH, a bit of angst and there’s some blood, alcohol, Tony being a dad AGAIN, Wanda being a supportive, amazing, and helpful big sister, and... DUN DUN DUN!!!!!............. heavy makeout ;)

FC: Elle Fanning

“An Avengers pool party? Tomorrow night?” you repeat, leaning your back against the front of the couch, Wanda gently pulling your long hair back into a braid, being sure not to tug too roughly because she knows your tender-headed.

“You know Tony, (y/n), he’s always finding an excuse to through a party, no matter the occasion,” she says. “When you have as much money as he does...”

“You put it into a savings account, gain interest, and invest in successful stocks and companies. That way you stay rich,” Tony appears in the room, taking one of your chips from the bowl on the table in front of you two, making you chuckle. “Having a wealthy family works too.”

“And throwing extravagant parties every chance you get is somehow apart of that?” Wanda looks up at Tony who narrows his eyes at her, chomping down on his potato chip.

“You can’t truly call yourself a Stark if you don’t, wicked witch of the west,” he cocks an eyebrow, walking out of the room and Wanda scoffs at the nickname while you bite back a laugh.

“I think I like that nickname...” you say quietly, smirking to yourself. 

“You wouldn’t dare,” she looks over you, her long, deep red hair falling over your face, you smile and blow it out of the way.

“I’ll get you, my pretty, and you’re little dog, too,” you quote with a laugh and she tugs hard on your hair, purposefully, as she finishes it off. You yell ‘ow’ and whip your head around to glare at her.

“Watch that big mouth, (y/n), I have all the power here,” she smiles smugly, tying off your hair in a small, blue ribbon.

“You wish,” you snort, pulling your hair over your shoulder and playing with the pretty ribbon, admiring the plait in your hair. “But my hair does look nice.”

“It does, so maybe you should start being nice to your big sister then, hm?” she raises an eyebrows to you when you turn around to look at her, grinning at each other. “It’s no wonder why Peter Parker likes my pretty little sister.”

You roll your eyes, turning away and blushing hard, “He does... he does not. Peter...” you shake your head.  “No, he doesn’t.”

“You know... that American movie with that woman, who was it... Alicia Silverstone and that.. uh, Paul Rudd with the parties and makeovers?” she asks you, twirling a strand of your hair that’s fallen out of the braid around her slender finger.

“Clueless?”

“Yes! That’s you!” she smiles.

You laugh flatly, “Very funny.”

“It is funny,” she agrees, not hinting at the sarcasm in your voice and nodding her head, unable to keep herself from laughing.

“What’s funny?” Natasha asks, sitting down on the couch on Wanda’s right, while you lay down on the floor, looking up at both of them with your limps splayed out, making carpet angels.

“How much Peter likes (y/n)...” Wanda smirks.

Natasha nods in agreement, lightly kicking your side, “I could cut that tension with a knife, girlie. Please tell me you notice it too.”

“Oh, you mean how much Peter likes (y/n)? That boy is smitten...” Clint walks in the room, chuckling to himself, pizza in hand. Where the hell did he get pizza?

At this point you’re as bright red as a ripe tomato, blushing every shade of scarlet, wishing the ground would split open and swallow you whole. 

“Jesus Christ, you guys,” you hold your burning face in your hands, laughing but it comes out a lot more nervous and shaky than you intended.

Natasha leans over the couch and peels your hands away from your face, looking you in the eye, raising both of her perfectly arched brows, saying very sincerely, “(Y/N)... I am telling you this as your friend... that Peter Benjamin Parker has got it bad for you, (y/n) (y/m/n) Maximoff.”

“You just said my middle name,” you point out.

She nods, “I did.”

You groan, “That must mean you’re being serious.”

“Damn straight.”

“But he can’t like... me?” you look up at your sister and Natasha. “Can he?”

“Didn’t you two almost kiss a few weeks ago?” Wanda leans forward, chin resting in her hands, smirking.

“Oh my God,” Natasha leans back into the couch, gaping at you. “You two almost kissed and you’re still questioning whether or not this boy likes you?”

“I mean...” you look down at your fiddling hands, intertwining your fingers together and smiling sheepishly up at her. “Purely hypothetical... if I said yes to that... what would you say?”

“I wouldn’t say anything, I’d hit you upside the head,” Natasha looks at you.

Wanda mouths a quick and unnoticeable ‘RUN’ to you, hiking her thumb in the direction to your room. 

~~~

TAP, TAP, TAP!

You shoot up from your bed at the sound, out of breath and startled from the sudden noise. You look around your room and see no one else but the one and only, Spider-Man, knocking on your window. The sight is so shocking you have to blink rapidly and pinch yourself hard in the arm to make sure you’re not still dreaming and truly awake.

When you definitely feel the pinch, and wince slightly, you run over to pull the window up.

“Spider-Man,” your voice is hoarse, thick with sleep and eyes half-lidded, a lazy smile on your lips from seeing your old friend. “What are you doing here?” you yawn.

“I’m... I’m really sorry to wake you, (y/n),” he says, voice strained and he’s clutching his side, a pained expression you can see even through his mask. “And I know it’s late, but I could really use your help with something.”

Before you can think better of it, you nod, and help him inside. He removes his hand from his waist and you watch as blood is slowly pooling on his side, staining his suit. You heart races, fuck, you’ve never done this before, cleaning and patching up someone’s wound. Maybe you’ve done this to yourself when you lived on the streets with Wanda and Pietro, but it was never extensive and like this. Why did he come to you of all people? You’re sure he has friends.

“Uh...” you bite down on your lip, nervous sweat beading on your forehead. “Okay, okay... first, you’re going to need to unzip your suit, keep on the mask if you want, and... I’ll- I’ll be right back with first aid.”

He nods and sits down on your desk chair, while you sprint out of the room, barely thinking about what you’re doing when everything feels like it’s moving 1000 mph around you. You get back to the room, gulping down the lump beginning to slowly form in your throat, practically having to shield your eyes to prevent you from staring at his muscular and fit physique. 

How can a situation be such a nightmare but also such a dream at the same time?

You kneel down in front of him, licking your dry lips and chewing on your bottom one, your own nervous habit. You can’t tell if he’s watching your hands or your face, but you feel his breathing shallow when you press a piece of gauze to his bleeding cut, soaking up the blood before cleaning it with a disinfectant.

And, God, now your hands are shaking. You struggle to grab the band-aids, knocking over the first-aid kit and having to pick it all up from the floor, muttering your apologies over and over.

He takes your hand in his warm one, both of you intertwining your fingers together like it was the most normal thing in the world, your eyes flicking up to meet his artificial, tech ones. “Please don’t say you’re sorry... I’m the one that’s burdened you with this. So I’m the one that should be apologizing.”

You shake your head, “You were bleeding out and came to the first place you saw, I completely understand that. It’s your life on the line, and I’m being... being a nervous mess. I should be calm, I should-”

“You’re doing really well, (y/n),” he cuts you off to assure you and you smile weakly.

You laugh, looking up at him for a moment before getting back to patching up the cut, “You’re a terrible liar, but thank you... The cut is a bit deep, but not deep enough for stitches, you’ll be okay.”

He lets out a sigh of relief once you you finish putting the bandage on, laying back on the floor like you’re falling from an intense adrenaline rush, letting out the longest breath of air you think you’ve ever exhaled.

“I can’t thank you enough, (y/n),” he breathes out and you hear the relieved smile in his voice.

You sit up and look at him, your eyes drooping from need of sleep, but you’re smiling, “Just promise me you won’t get hurt like this again and we’ll call it even, okay?”

“I can’t promise that,” he chuckles nervously, the sound eerily familiar, but you shake off the thought. “Not with the people I have to fight everyday.”

“You can be more careful,” you say. “It’s amazing... what you do, everyday, but you still need to be aware of what it does to you. I’m sure there are plenty of people in your life that count on you coming home everyday. If you don’t want to do it for yourself, do it for them. Promise me.”

You raise your pinky to him and cock an eyebrow, waiting for him to hook his around yours.

“Really?” he asks.

“Really,” you deadpan.

“But-”

“No but’s, Spider-Boy. Pinky promise me,” you say, moving your pinky closer to his hand. Then he gives in and nods, hooking it around yours, electricity shooting through the both of you at the contact. You then wait for him to zip up his suit and get situated before helping him up along with you.

“You should probably leave now... Tony Stark is... overprotective...” you trail off. Or at least that’s one word for it...

He looks at you for a moment, lifting up his mask half way to show only the tip of his nose and a pair of pretty, pink lips. Everything about him is so damn inviting and... terribly familiar. Then it happens, it’s so quick, you barely have time to react as he leans forward and presses a small but sweet kiss to your cheek, leaving a tingling feeling on your skin even after he pulls away. His lips were so soft, really freaking soft, causing heat to pool into the pit of your stomach.

He smiles at you before pulling his mask down again and swinging out of the window, off into the night, one thought on your mind the rest of the time you tried to fall back asleep.

Spider-Man just kissed me.

~~~

“Spider-Man...” Wanda says hesitantly, nursing her Mai-Tai made by Banner who’s manning the Tiki bar. “Kissed you?” she repeats.

“After I patched his injury up, yes,” you say, sipping on your own virgin Mai-Tai, still bashful from what happened last night, and still not sure if you just imagined the whole thing. The only thing proving otherwise being the feeling of his incredibly soft lips on your skin.

It had to be real. But it also confuses you, what you feel with Peter is real too, but when you start to think harder about it... you see that the feelings for both of them are a lot of the same.

“Wow,” Wanda smirks at you over the rim of her drink, rolling her eyes. “Two boys tripping over their own feet for you. How romantic.”

“It was a friendly kiss,” you say, hoping it to be true at least, thinking that maybe if you say it enough that it will come true. You can’t develop feelings for Spider-Man, not for two boys at once, it wouldn’t possibly work out for anyone in the end if you did.

“I’m sure he wanted to get real friendly with you...” her smirk widens, making your jaw drop at your sister’s innuendo, slapping her in the arm.

“You... bitch!” 

“Witch, you mean,” she corrects. She’s had more than a few Mai-Tai’s in the last hour or so.

“I see you’re embracing the new name,” Tony says, appearing out of nowhere, wrapping his arm around her, squeezing her shoulder. “It seems we’ve gotten to her, (y/n).”

“It seems we have,” you agree, downing the rest of your dink, setting the glass down on one of the glass, patio tables. “Why are you throwing this party again, anyway?”

“You all deserved a break,” he shrugs, looking at Wanda skeptically when she sways drunkenly side to side to the song playing over the speakers. “A pool party is a way to both cool off and have some fun. So enjoy yourself and stop asking questions, Curious George.”

“Do you ever call anyone by their actual name?” you laugh, waving at a far-off Natasha and Clint.

“What’s the fun in doing that?” he looks at you like you offended him before patting you affectionately on the back. “You’ll also be happy to know that Peter will be here in ten minutes...”

“Why would I be happy to know that?”

He looks at you with a flat expression, “You know why, Cher Horowitz.”

You blush and he smiles when he sees he has his answer, walking away from you and Wanda to be a good host to the other guests, welcoming the other members that have just now arrived.

“Then it’s a good thing you wore my swimsuit, huh?” Wanda asks, finishing off her drink and doing a ‘gimme, gimme’ gesture with her hand to Bruce who hands her another while shaking his head. 

You look down at the small, scarlet red bikini with gold accents your sister’s let you borrow, showing off most of your body but also highlighting all your assets as Natasha would say, the bottoms hanging low on your lean hips so you’ve wrapped a loose, patterned cover-up over yourself until you get into the water.

“I guess it is...” you blush, chewing on the inside of your lip. “But I’ll never wear it as well as you,” you tease.

“Good answer,” she points her drink at you. “Very good answer, but you also wear it well, I have to admit. But don’t tell anyone I did,” she puts a finger to her lips and sh’s loudly.

“You’re hammered,” you laugh, taking the drink from her. “I’m cutting you off,” you grin proudly before smacking into someone’s hard chest, their hands catching you by resting on your arms, steadying you.

“Oh! (Y/N), are you okay?” Peter asks, looking down at you, and holy crap, he looks good. Really good.

“Yeah...” you breathe a laugh, setting down Wanda’s drink which she quickly grabs again before tucking a piece of your wavy hair due to the braid from last night behind your ear, blushing like it’s the only thing you remember how to do. “I’m- I’m okay. I’m sorry, I wasn’t looking where I was going and I just...” you trail off, trying to find words, but a small laugh comes out instead as you’re completely awestruck by him. His quaffed, brown hair, ivory skin slightly more olive from being in the sun these last few weeks, and fit to the gods.

He furrows his brow before catching sight of what you’re wearing or lack thereof, his eyes widening and he meets your eyes, embarrassed, smiling at you the sweetest you’ve ever seen, “You look... wow. J-just wow. You’re fucking beautiful,” he says before he can think better of it and you’re blushing so brightly you swear that everyone at the party is looking at you now.

You laugh, “Thank you, you look really good too,” you say, meeting his blushing face again with a big smile. “I’ve missed you.”

“You have?” he furrows his brow.

“Of course I have,” you say in a ‘duh’ tone. “You’ve been busy, I know that, but... I really did miss you being here,” you smile softly.

Dimples. “I’ve missed you too.”

“Good because it would be awkward if you didn’t,” you tease.

He laughs, “I could never not miss you, (y/n), you’re too unforgettable to let that happen.”

“Likewise,” you say breathlessly, you tend to get like that when you’re with him, out of breath just from being around him.

You look over to see Natasha looking at the two of you, making a heart with both of her hands over the two of you, and Clint pretending to shoot a Cupid’s arrow. 

“Have they been doing this to you too?” Peter asks you.

You sigh, “All the time.”

“I thought it was just me,” he says coolly, but his blush betrays his words, both of you are nervous wrecks right now.

“I think they’re trying to tell us something...” you say with an amused lilt weaved into your voice, looking at Peter from the corner of your eye.

“I didn’t know the Avengers were matchmakers.”

You laugh, “I think we’re just lucky enough to bring it out in them,” you say and look him over, eyes catching a... bandage on his side.

“Holy shit...” you mutter (*), your eyes wide when you point at him, jaw practically dropped onto the floor. 

Holy shit, holy shit, holy shit, holy shit!

Peter brow pinches in confusion, looking to where your eyes lay and looking back up at you after putting two and two together, “(Y/N)... calm down...” he says, but your heart is racing and you can barely hear him.

“I knew it! I fucking knew it! You’re f-” You didn’t know it, but everything is finally fitting into place and making so much sense that you have to curse yourself for being stupid enough not to figure it out a lot sooner. You want to push him into the pool for not telling you, you want to hug him for getting hurt, you want to thank him for saving people everyday, and you want to kiss him because you just might be in love with him! Or would it be possible to do all four of those things?

He holds a hand over your mouth and his lips are on your ear, whispering, “(Y/N), I will explain everything if you just calm down. Let’s go somewhere that we can talk, okay?”

You nod slowly and allow him to drag you away to go inside without anyone noticing, getting indoors and immediately glaring at him.

“I am feeling so many things right now,” you fold your arms over your chest, looking at him like you’re truly seeing him for the first time. “Why... wouldn’t you tell me? Why aren’t you an Avenger? And why’d you kiss me in a mask instead of doing it face to face with me?” you throw your hands up in frustration.

“I didn’t tell you because I have enemies and if those enemies were to find out about you or who I am, then... I can’t even think about the consequences. I can handle a few bumps and bruises, but not if anything happened to you...” he admits, looking at you through his thick, dark lashes, the anger slowly simmering in your belly. 

“Ask Mr. Stark why I’m not an Avenger, hopefully it will be soon, but until then, my identity was supposed to be kept a secret,” he looks at you and smiles softly. “I just... I couldn’t stay away from you, I guess.”

“And the kiss?” you ask, breath caught in your throat when he steps closer to you, your back pressed against the wall. His leathery and salt water scent fills all of your senses and you can barely think because he smells so damn good and the way he’s looking at you... 

“I think you know why, (y/n).”

“You think I would,” you say, eyes searching his face. “You think I’d know by now to tell you how crazy I am about you because it’s... driving me nuts, looking at you everyday, talking to you like I’m not secretly falling in love with you,” you say, his gaze softening along with his smile when you say those last words. Then you laugh, looking down at your feet and shuffling them against the granite, tile floor, “And really wanting to kiss you, it’s almost unhealthy... how much I want to...” you whisper this last part, looking him in the eye.

“I really want to kiss you, too,” he gulps, eyes falling onto your slightly parted lips, silently begging for him to close the distance. 

“Glad we’re on the same page then.”

“Yeah...” he smiles adoringly at you and blinks hard, making sure he isn’t dreaming. You can’t possibly... feel the same way. Could you?

Oh, fuck it, you think to yourself.

You step up on the tips of your toes and press a soft, tender kiss against his lips, everything in your body melting into a puddle when he inhales sharply, barely recognizing you’re doing it even after you pull away, looking at him through your fluttering lashes.

He looks at you for a moment, and for once in his life he’s absolutely speechless, then his hand slides up the back of your neck and captures your lips in his own. And in that exact moment, you could feel your broken heart begin to fix itself as he hands his own heart  to you through his kiss, completely vulnerable for you. His lips are so plush, warm, and soft, the match in the pit of your stomach engulfing your entire body into flames when he gently lays his fingers to rest on your waist, dancing on your hot skin and eliciting a small whimper to escape your swollen lips. You have no idea what to do, and neither does he, but somehow it works. Even when your noses bump as you wrap your arms firmly around his neck so you’re skin to skin to run a hand through his impossibly, gorgeous hair or when your teeth clash into the kiss or when you have no idea whether to keep your eyes open or closed, your heart is getting those butterflies again and it’s the best damn feeling in the world because you’re kissing Peter Parker. 

You’re the first to break away due to lack of oxygen, arms still wrapped around each other when you take in Peter’s messy hair that you repeatedly ran your hands through, his swollen, bright, pink lips, lust-blown eyes, and lopsided grin. 

“That... that was my first kiss,” you admit quietly, flushing with embarrassment, but he only smiles.

“Mine too,” he whispers. “But you were... you’re amazing,” he stumbles over his words, laughing softly. “And I’ve been wanting to do that for months.”

“You have no idea,” you grin and shake your head, hearing shouting, whoops and hollers, and laughter from outside, both of you just now realizing that the door you’ve been pressed against was made of glass this whole time.

“WE ARE THE CHAMPIONS!” Clint sings and pumps his fist, knocking his beer against Tony’s Champagne flute, both of them grinning to themselves. 

Wanda’s drunkenly sobbing into Natasha’s chest because you’re growing up so fast, making you smile softly at the sight, but also stifle a laugh.

You blush harshly when you look at Peter, “We’re never going to hear the end of this, are we?”

“No,” he says, leaning forward to kiss the tip of your nose lightly and both of your closed eyelids. “But we can handle them,” he smiles.

#peter parker x reader #peter parker #peter parker x you #peter parker fanfic #peter parker imagine #marvel fanfic #wanda maximoff #natasha romanoff #clint barton #tony stark being a dad #tony stark #you story #marvel fanfiction

[shespsychedelic]

I was tagged by my baby love @my-irregular-heart-beat I love you Lulu💙

My friend Anneke is also answering these with me, and apparently my friends Cole and Julia joined in too on some of them lmaoooo

Rules: Answer these questions, then tag some pals to do it too! What is your idea of perfect happiness?: Having my dream job of either public relations or management for the music industry. Traveling around the world and seeing my friends who live in other places/ making new friends in other places. 

“Um, sex”- Anneke  What is your greatest fear?: The ocean/ deep water, needles, mascots/furries and clowns (I’m a pissbaby I know).

“bed bugs”- Anneke What is the trait you most deplore in yourself?: Anxieté What is the trait you most deplore in others?: Stupid people. I literally wrote and delivered a speech about how I despise stupid people, and if you want to know my definition of a stupid person just send me a person and I’ll tell you in detail.

“Everything”- Anneke Which living person do you most admire?: There’s so many honestly, as far as famous people, Harry Styles is one of them because he is just such a genuine person, and Malala Yousafzai as well. Personally, my mom and dad because they have been through a lot of things to get to where they are and their perseverance inspires me a lot.    “Currently Mark Ruffalo”- Anneke

What is your greatest extravagance?: College lmao, I’m getting to study abroad in Sydney next semester and Reading, England the following semester.  What is your current state of mind?: Kinda stressed as usual, but hopeful because I only have a month and a half left of this semester, but I’m going to like 4 more concerts this month and next so it’s lit.

“Horny”- my friend Cole

“Depressed”- Anneke What do you consider the most overrated virtue?: The idea of men having to be a “true gentleman”/”being a man” because honestly, that’s just basic human decency?? Like it should be normal.

“Optimism, and being forced to be optimistic by people around you.”-Anneke On what occasion do you lie?: I’m terrible at lying lmao, but white lies sometimes are necessary if it is used to protect someone or yourself. Like when I’m talking to old people (I live in the South) and tell them I agree with their opinions and tell them that I’m straight:)

“When I meet new people and I don’t want them to hate me off the bat, or if I know I have to see them a lot. Pretty much the same thing as Ellen.”- Anneke What do you most dislike about your appearance?: my acne and my hips because I’m just now starting to get back into working out.

“My face lmao”- Anneke Which living person do you most despise?: Donald Trump and a few people I went to high school with/ middle school

“This one girl who told another girl that she was a whore and was being an attention whore the day after her boyfriend died.”-Anneke What is the quality you most like in a man?: Physically: eyes on the brown scale (green, brown, hazel etc.) dark, curly hair. Not physically: If they’re sweet and funny. Also when they seem genuinely interested in what you’re passionate about and what you have to say.

“if they’re genuine people”-Anneke What is the quality you most like in a woman?: If she’s breathing. 

“If she doesn’t have a diseased vagina”- Anneke Which words or phrases do you most overuse?: Stooooop, Bless/ God bless it, Deadass, Tragic (I had to ask my friends which ones I use too much and this was the consensus)  

“Word, rip”- Anneke What or who is the greatest love of your life?: 

Harry Styles and chocolate also Matty

“Um Mark Ruffalo again- NO WAIT STEVE BUSCEMI” -Anneke When and where were you happiest?: Denver Colorado

“The white dune forest in Santa Cruz”- Anneke

“When Iw as in a coma”- my friend Cole

“In the uterus”- My friend Julia Which talent would you most like to have?: To be able to sing because then I would be a triple threat lmao

“I wish I could act”- Anneke

“Suck dick”- Cole If you could change one thing about yourself, what would it be?: Where I am geographically lmao

“I would probably get wings”- Anneke

“Who I am”- Cole alternatively “If I had hollow bones (like a bird) I would want hollow lungs too” What do you consider your greatest achievement?: Getting into college man

“Not killing myself”-Anneke

“being voted as North Pike’s class of 2016 funniest senior”-Cole (this was sarcasm)  If you were to die and come back as a person or a thing, what would it be?: I would be the second coming of Christ so I could watch the world burn.

“The Dali Lama”-Anneke

 “Pissed”- Cole

“A corpse”-Julia Where would you most like to live?: England

“New Brighton Beach in California”- Anneke 

“In a coffin”- Julia What is your most treasured possession?: My YSL perfume that I paid $60 for 1 oz

“My dong’s old bandana”-Anneke

“My peen”-Cole

“My depression”-Julia What do you regard as the lowest depth of misery?: My Italian Class

“Trump Supporters”- Anneke What is your favourite occupation?: mangement/public relations for a band I love

“A hooker/guy Fieri”-Cole 

“A heart surgeon” What is your most marked characteristic?: According to Anneke I’m a chill fangirl who’s like normal, also my aesthetic😂- 

“vegan/tree fucker”-Anneke  What do you most value in your friends?: Honesty

”True loyalty”- Anneke

”The ability to make me laugh”-Cole

”A psychiatry degree”-Julia 

Who are your favourite writers (musicians, artists, poets etc)?: 

My tattoo artist did a dope job lmao, also Matty, Harry, Stevie Nicks.The author of the fanfic Anarchy. 

“H.G Wells, My Chemical Romance”-Anneke

“T.S. Elliot”- Julia Who is your hero of fiction?:  Magnus Bane from The Mortal Instruments

“Lee Everett from The Walking Dead video game Season 1/ The Thing from fantastic Four″-Anneke 

“Jesus”- Julia I tag anyone who wants to do it because I’m too lazy to tag rn lmao

#about me #me

[bluemoonball]

Is Federer On Steroids?

And so we enter the two-month tennis off-season, where no important tournaments are played until we get to Halle in mid-June. 

That calls for a real BP post this time. The shine might’ve gone off this one after IW and Miami… Well, arguably there’s never any shine on a BP post, but you know what I mean. Regardless, “enjoy.”

“Is Federer On Steroids?”

Well, is he? It’s only fitting at this time that we should look into the possibility. After all, we used to throw this question at Nadal back in the day so it really isn’t fair to let Roger off the hook without considering it. So………….

Who does what Roger is doing at 36? By the time Jesus Christ turned 33 his forehand was so feeble instead of giving him a wildcard into The Italian Open the Romans nailed him to a cross and took away his racquets. At Roger’s age Ken Rosewall was getting pushed around by punks like Jimmy Connors. 36 is a rough age. At 36 Marilyn Monroe was considered so over the hill that the President passed her on to the Attorney General who then shanked her into the cheap seats (Peter Lawford’s idiot embrace).

How else to explain Roger’s resurgence but steroids? Sure, one could argue that maybe he’s working harder on his game these days because he is clearly loved by the ladies and two gorgeous ones named Miss Lim and Miss Godsick have fantasies of fellating him, but he doesn’t need to win slams to get up inside their gums. Yes, winning is sexy and might lead them to attempt to deep throat his person when they wouldn’t upon a slamless Roger but no, that’s not it. Sex has nothing to do with this.

Look at his arms. Look at his legs. Veins are bursting out all over them now. Even his left arm is now capable of scaring a mouse. It never could before. Man boobs are beginning to show but his testicles are shrinking, despite all the stellar final sets he’s been playing (take that, Mats). How do i know his testicles are shrinking? I stare at his nuts constantly. As do you. We all do. No shame in that. What better way to figure out the cut of a man’s gib?

Hard work and talent isn’t enough to climb this Everest. He’s juicing. I’m certain of it. He’s ripped to the tits on anabolics and ace inhibitors. You just can’t do what he’s doing without chemical cocktails. Yup, I’m afraid the old boy got sick of losing and went over to the dark side. All these years you think you know a person but what do you really know? Fuck if I know but I do know this; in your heart you know I’m right.