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romanarose · 10 days

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I Miss You, Mr. Miller

DBF!Joel Miller x fem!reader

Masterlist

Summary: Joel makes you WET wet.

AKA

There's a pun here about eggs somewhere.

Warnings: Masturbating, sex toys, body worship, "little bunny", joel making sure reader knows he's old man, degrading, almost getting caught.

Immersivity: Reader is fem, dresses very feminine. Drinks and celebrates Christian holidays, not is christian but like family and culturally. Major age gap. Big girthy age gap but reader is 21+. Mentions of church.

A/N: Part of the DBF!Joel Holiday fuck series but you don't gotta read the previous part. I missed Easter OOPS so now we get a flashback.

1.3k words

You liked to start off slow, take your time with yourself. Hands, gliding over your shirt, feeling your body all the way down to your thighs. You learned this from Joel.

Sure a quickie was fun, especially under the threat of being caught, but Joel preferred to take his time with you. Likewise, you started to mimic this when masturbating. Joel you could, theoretically, take the vibe to your clit, put on some Gone Wild Audio and git’er done, but why? Why not show your body the appreciation it deserved. You were beautiful. You were sexy. Joel wasn’t the only one who could enjoy it.

Joel knelt before your spread legs, hands running up and down your pretty little Easter dress. Your dad had invited Joel over for Easter dinner, and you’d stayed in your dress all day to make sure he saw you in it. Joel was certain to show his appreciation.

“Such a pretty dress… such a pretty little bunny…” His fingers tweaked your nipples as he eyed you. “M one lucky old man.”

You giggle. “Thank you, Mr. Miller.”

Joel hummed. He loved when you called him that. Today, he’d had to hide the bonner he was sporting after you greeted him as Mr. Miller in your cute dress, hair all done up… he couldn’t stop thinking how he’d railed you in the church bathroom after Good Friday services… dirty, dirty girl.

Your hand skimmed over your clit at the memory… you might not need any porn this time, you were so turned on, so sensitive… you whimper at the first touch. Cupping your breasts, you try to get the feeling Joel gave when he touched them, but it wasn’t the same. Joel’s hands were large, rough, sure… Still, it felt good touching such sensitive parts of your body, and you sigh. You remember how much Joel praised you on Easter, touch yourself to the echo of his voice.

“Darling, beautiful girl… just look at you, cock dumb girl begging to be fucked with her dad downstairs… surrounded by teddies and pink frilly pillows… act’n like such a good girl, but you ain’t, are yuh?”

“Joooooel” You whine under his touch. “No, I’m a good girl…”

“Nuh-uh” Joel rips open your white tights to find you bare. “Good girls wear underwear to church.” he runs two fingers up your slicked up cunt. “Good girls don’t get wet for grumpy old men.”

You plunge two fingers into your core quickly dissatisfied so you add another. That makes you moan. You begin to pump them in and out of yourself, nowhere near as thick and god, not hitting close to how deep Joel hits you, when he fucks you raw. It’s wholly unsatisfying, but you were just getting started.

Joel finger fucked you, his two middle fingers pumping you at a rapid pace. “Naughty, naughty girl, little cunt clenching on my fingers… I can feel how tight you're getting, but you can’t cum yet… you wanna behave, don’t you? Or are you just as bad as I thought you were… Jesus Christ darl’n, can’t wait to get my cock up my bunny girl's guts again, shit, ‘m gonna miss you.”

Sarah was graduating college next year, and Joel was taking her on a road trip for a few weeks to tour colleges. Tommy had joked, saying he could ‘take care of yuh’ while he’s gone but Joel smacked him upside the head.

“Joel” you whimper. “I think… fuck… I think I’m gonna pee”

Instead of getting off you, Joel grinned. “Keep hold’n, baby… Ima take care of you.”

You stuff your cunt full of four fingers, just trying to get a taste of what Joel left you with, a bit of that memory. Chanting his name, ‘Joel, Joel, Joel’ You chase that high that’s starting to build in your stomach. You remember how he fingered you, how he kissed your neck, arms, stomach, legs, every single inch of your body he loved so much.

“Joel!” You try to warn him again, but he’s not listening. Instead, he brings his face close to your dripping hole.

“Let it go, sweet bunny, let go.”

Fuck. He edged you for 20 minutes, even as your mom walked past your door gossiping on the phone about Mrs. McKenzie’s nose ring. You’d warned him, now he’d deal with the consequences. Can’t be as bad as when you’d thrown up on him after St. Patrick's Day.

But when you let go, you cum. It’s hard, liquid shooting out of your body but it didn’t feel like pee. Your legs shake, body seizing up in shock from the sheer force of your orgasm. Joel laps it up, hungrily devouring your, drinking you up like you were communion wine.

Vibrator on your clit, you remember how Joel ate you out as you came, grinding his hips against the bed, small little moans escaping his pretty little mouth, he bucked and licked and humped and sucked, growling when you stopped and eating you out until you came again, desperately biting your lip to not scream his name. Here in your apartment, in your own bed that Joel carried up here on Presidents Day, you could scream if you wanted to. And you did. Your orgasm hitting you, you keep the vibrator to the exact pressure it was at and ride out your orgasm wishing it was on Joel’s face.

Joel kissed you, his soaking wet face and beard all over yours as you lay there in shock, completely spent from the orgasm.

“What…” You pant. “Was that…”

Joel couldn’t keep his mouth off your skin very long, only barely managing to mumble that you squirted. “Such a good girl, oh my god, I was wrong, you’re just, fuuuuck, such a good fuck’n girl…”

You smile against him. “You gonna fuck me or what, Mr. Miller?”

Joel ground his crotch against yours. Wet. “Your little stunt make me cum in my pants like I’m a fuck’n teenager again, yuh lil brat.” He flicked a tit playfully.

Once every last bit of pleasure was exhausted, when you had cum your hear out to the thought of Joel fucking Miller between your legs, loudly and proudly. You sit up and smile at the phone at you pillow, still recording. You make sure to save the voice note in messenger, then cue it up to send it to Joel.

Sweet Thing: Use headphones, don’t open around Sarah ;)

*Send* You fall back on your bed, smiling.

“Joel?” Your dad called along with your name, making you startle. “I know you’re in there!”

You look to Joel in a panic, eyes wide and scared. Not scared of your dad, perse, he was good natured. Scared of disappointing him.

Your dad again. “Your boots are still at the door and it’s too muddy to go outside without em, open the damn door.”

Joel turned to you, whispering. “I’ll take the fall, it was my idea.”

You and Joel both stand, looking more proper. Joel’s black pants covered the fact he came in them, and your dress covered your ripped tights“Joel, no-” But he cut you off with a stern look.

“Ima take care of you, darl’n, understand?”

You nod. Joel unlocks the door and your dad steps in, arms crossed. “I know what you two are doing.”

Joel steps forward. “Listen man, it ain’t her fault.”

Your dad held out a hand. “Hey, I don’t care if you guys smoke weed together.”

You blink. He thought you were sneaking off together for a blunt? “Oh… you don’t?” You don’t smoke weed. Joel does, but you never found much interest.

“Nah,” He waved his hand. “Just do it behind the garage, okay? It ain’t legal here yet. The neighbors can see your window from here.”

Joel cleared his throat. “Right, right, thanks man.”

“Thanks dad, sorry.”

Your dad chuckled. “I’m the cool dad, remember!”

Your dad was absolutely not cool, but he was fun. A good dad. And you and Joel dodged a bullet, but you needed to be more careful. You run off to pretend to smoke a blunt.

SORRY IM LATE YALL LMFAOOOOO

Lum to me: Are you not doing the holiday Joel series anymore ;-;?

Me: Did I miss a holiday?

YEAH JUST EASTER I GUESS

I relayed this story to Clem and said "not my fault, I don't celebrate easter anyway, Jesus means nothing to Jews"

Clem "DIDN"T YOU CELEBRATE EASTER FOR A CHUNK OF YOUR LIFE?"

She's right! but she didn't have to say it :((((((( lmfaooooo

Anyway I did a new chapter of this AND and new Room's on fire so, y'all'er welcome XD

Check out my upcoming pride event!

hugs!

Im phasing out my taglist, so make sure to follow @romana-updates

@fandxmslxt69 @runa-falls @k-ra @ahookedheroespureheart @mikaelak @littlenosoul @stevenandmarcslove @pikapuff-316 @del-ightfulling @faretheeoscar @harriedandharassed @my-secret-shame-but-fanfiction @campingwiththecharmings @ramblers-lets-get-ramblin @milly-louise @casa-boiardi @joeldjarin @mrs-oharaxx @pedge-page @readingiskeepingmegoing @survivingandenduring

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daddyslilchickenfingers2 · 5 months

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Kinktober (reuploaded)

Jealousy (Chris)

Request: y/n’s been flirting with dudes at a party and chris likes her so gets really possessive and spanks her when she says she loves his big hands on her body and she makes a mess all over his thigh + just a full fic of chris fucking reader doggy style (like i just know that man LOVES doggy) —> or maybe even like times where chris fucked u doggy like the one time u guys did it in front of a mirror, the one time he bend u over the couch etc

Warnings: spanking, doggy style, jealous Chris, slight angst, fighting, daddy kink

Chris’ pov

I really had no right to be jealous, it’s not like Y/n is my girlfriend, she’s my best friend. My kind, beautiful, funny, sexy, and single best friend. Plus it’s a party, all the single people were dancing and grinding on each other, overall having a great time. Well, everyone but me. I stood there in the corner, tightly gripping onto my near-empty Pepsi can as I watched her from across the room. Swaying her hips to the song with some random guy behind her, he was staring at her curves that her dress perfectly showed. I couldn’t take it anymore, I hate seeing her with other guys, especially ones we don’t know. I abandoned my now empty Pepsi can and made my way onto the dance floor to get Y/n. I was going to take her home since were only a few blocks away from her house, we needed to talk. As I approached her and the guy, I noticed his hands were now on her hips, trying to pull her back against him and I got even more angry.

Y/n’s pov

I was at a random influencers house party that was only a couple blocks away from my house just hanging out and dancing when some guy asked if I’d dance with him. He was honestly pretty cute so I obviously said yes, even as the songs got more sexual. I felt his hands on my hips and I was going to start grinding on him because a girls gotta have some fun, but before I could, I felt him get pushed off of me. I turned around to be face-to-face with my best friend. “Chris! What the fuck are you doing!?” I yelled at him over the music. I watched as the guy, whose name I didn’t catch, stumbled back towards Chris, looking ready to fight. He was definitely drunk, but me and Chris were completely sober as we don’t drink or smoke. Instead of causing a scene, Chris just grabbed my arm and dragged me out of the door. He was walking incredibly fast and I could barely keep up with him due to my heels. “Chris, slow down! Where are we going!?” I yelled at him once again, completely unaware of what was happening.

“Shut up we’re going home! C’mon, it’s cold out here you’re going to get sick” he said pulling me faster until I yanked my arm away and stopped. “What the fuck is your problem Chris!? I was having a good time in there!” I yelled again, getting frustrated. “Would you stop fucking yelling! Jesus Christ, let’s go!” he slightly raised his voice, getting irritated. “Not until you tell me what’s going on!” I said sternly. We were only about a block and a half away from my house at this point but I still wanted to know why he pulled me away from the party and why he was so angry. “I’ll tell you when we get to your house! Now are you going to walk like a fucking adult or do I need to carry you?” he asked in a condescending tone, making me feel small. “Fuck you Christopher! Don’t fucking talk to me you asshole!” I yelled, harshly shoving him. After that, I just started walking as fast as I could towards my house, trying not to cry.

I don’t know what’s going on or why he’s acting like this but I don’t like it, this isn’t my Chris. I could hear his footsteps getting increasingly louder from behind me as he ran to catch up with me while I held onto myself, trying to keep warm in the crisp night air. I could hear Chris’ heavy breathing and footsteps right behind me now, as he stood there processing what happened after I shoved him. “Y/n! Y/n, wait! I’m sorry, I’m an asshole, I know! Just let me explain!” he tried pleading with me. We got to my door and I put the code in to unlock it, standing in the doorway and looking at him furiously. “Explain what!? That you’re fucking possessive and can never let me have fucking fun if it involves another guy!? Just fuck off Chris, go home, I’m done with you!” I screamed, letting my anger get the best of me as I slammed the door in his face. I took off my shoes and sat on the couch before I started crying. Thank god I was only really wearing waterproof mascara and some powder on my face, otherwise I’d look like a wreck.

Chris’ pov

I fucked up… I knew that the second she pushed me, I had gone too far. I can’t help it, when it comes to her, I lose the ability to communicate my emotions and just fuck everything up. I just wanted to explain where I was coming from but she slammed the door in my face. She slammed it so hard that her neighbor, an older, gay gentleman in his late 40s, came out to make sure everything was okay. “Christopher? What happened, is Y/n okay?” he asked, relieved to see me outside the door and not some random creep. “I fucked up Rick, I fucked up so bad and I think I might’ve just lost my best friend” I told him before explaining everything that happened. He put his hand on my shoulder and smiled a bit, “Sounds like you’re in love kid. I want you to go in there and make things right, go tell her why you did what you did, and express your feelings. If I know Y/n, she’s in there scared to death of losing you, she loves you more than you know. Go fix the shit you fucked up” he told me.

I was a bit confused as to what he meant by the second to last sentence, but I thanked him anyways. “Thanks Rick, hopefully I can fix this” I said while shaking his hand. “You got this, good luck kid” he replied as he walked back inside. I took a deep breath before putting the code in and opening the door. I immediately felt like shit as Y/n was crying on FaceTime with Madi, who didn’t go to the party. “Y/n/n…” I tried slowly, Madi heard me and said “I’m gonna hang up now, just hear him out and remember what I told you.“ before yelling “You better fucking fix this Chris!” through the phone. Y/n let out a shaky breath, looking at me with tear filled eyes. I move to sit on the couch with her, keeping my distance. “Before you say anything, let me explain. You’re right, I am possessive over you and I don’t like seeing you with other guys, but it’s because I’m fucking in love with you…” I looked up to see no emotion on her face so I let out a shaky breath and continued.

“I fucked up, I know that. I’m not very good at expressing my emotions when I’m jealous, I just know I don’t want you to be with another guy. I-I want you to be with me. It’s stupid, I get it, and I should’ve just talked to you instead of dragging you down the street. I’m really, really sorry. And I’m sorry I’m in love with you” I explained, knowing I probably sound fucking pathetic. I didn’t dare look up at her, scared of rejection and/or causing her more pain. I did, however, look up at her when I heard her quietly say, “I’m not” “What?” I asked confused. She scooted closer to me, “I’m not sorry that you’re in love with me, because it makes it a lot easier to do this” she said before she cupped both sides of my face and kissed me, hard. She kissed me until we were out of breath and forced to pull away. The next thing that came out of her mouth shocked me and sent a shiver down my spine. “I deserve a punishment for not hearing you out and purposely making you jealous, don’t ya think?” she asked seductively, her innocent big y/e/c eyes looking up at me. “W-What?” I asked, wanting to make sure I heard her right, “I think I’ve been bad and deserve to be punished” she teased.

Y/n’s pov

I don’t know why I said what I did, but I was horny and frustrated so it just came out. I looked Chris up and down as he bit his lip, watching his cock slowly grow hard in his pants. I could see the gears in his head turning, trying to figure out if I was fucking with him or not. I was feeling a bit bold and loved the idea of Chris’ big, rough hands on my body, so I leaned it his ear. “Come spank me daddy, I’ve been a bad girl” I whispered before going upstairs to my room. Chris quickly followed behind me, pushing me up against the wall before I got the chance to get on my bed. His hand came up to wrap around my throat, “You’re a little slut aren’t you? Making me jealous on purpose and practically begging me to punish you, how pathetic!” he smirked. I let out a whine after he said that, just wanting to be touched already. “Go get undressed for me baby” he said in a softer tone, pulling away to discard his own shirt and pants.

I quickly got fully naked before shuffling over to Chris, who was sitting on the edge of my bed in his boxers. “So pretty” he muttered as he moved to sit against my headboard. “C’mon, lay across my lap for me” I did as he said and he moved me so my ass was over his lap. “H-How many am I getting daddy?” I asked nervously as Chris rubbed his hands over my ass. “I was gonna do 50, but you’re being a good girl so I’m gonna lower it to 30, and I want you to count. You’re getting 15 each cheek baby” he replied making me whine. Chris started off with soft slaps “One… two… three… four… f-five…” but they quickly grew harder, the sound of each slap getting louder as I felt myself getting wetter. Every time his hand would come in contact with my ass, it would jerk me forward a bit, causing my clit to rub across his hard cock. “nineteen… twe—nty… twenty o-one… tw-twenty two-o…” I managed to count through my moans, however, once I got to twenty-eight, I felt myself unintentionally cum.

I let out an extremely loud moan as I finished counting “t-thirty” I whispered out, my ass now sore and most definitely welted and red. Chris spread my legs a little, rubbing his fingers across my cum covered cunt. “I don’t remember saying you could cum baby” he said seriously, flipping me over so I was now laying with my back against the bed. Chris immediately hovered over me, “You didn’t even ask” he continued, “I didn’t mean to daddy, it was an accident. Never done that before” I squirmed as he stared down at me. “I believe you babe, but if you cum again without permission, daddy’s gonna have to punish you some more” he stated gruffly. I wrapped my arms around his neck and pulled him down so we could makeout, Chris quickly won dominance and started to suck on my tongue before softly biting my lip. I honestly didn’t know Chris would be THIS good of a kisser, he ran his tongue across the roof of my mouth. I shuddered and let out a moan as one hand came up to toy with my nipples, whining when he pulled away.

“Remember how you called me possessive earlier? Well I’m gonna be really possessive now and mark you up so everyone knows you belong to me” he growled before harshly biting hickies into my neck, running his tongue across and sucking on them afterwards. I knew these were going to be dark and would take at least a week to go away but I also really liked the thought of everyone seeing how marked up I was from my daddy. Chris pulled away to admire his work and when he did, I asked in a shy voice, “Can I give you some hickies to daddy? Don’t want other girls to look at you” I pouted a bit. Chris nodded and let me suck a few hickies into his neck as he started slowly pumping two fingers into me, quickly adding a third to stretch me out. Once he deemed me loose enough he pulled me away from his neck by my hair, sitting on his knees to take off his boxer. “I want you on your hands and knees, facing the mirror so you can watch yourself getting fucked like a slut” he ordered, I immediately obeyed, loving the thought of watching it through the mirror that was close to my bed.

I watched as Chris spit onto his cock, stroking it a few times before lining it up with my hole. “Ready to get fucked like a cheap whore?” he asked, slightly kneading my ass with one hand. “Please daddy, please fuck me!” I begged before he slammed his full length into me, giving me no time to adjust before he started pounding into me. Chris pulled my hair back so I could see myself being fucked, and it was pretty fucking hot. I was trying my hardest to keep my eyes open but it felt so good and I just couldn’t. “Keep your eyes open slut!” Chris growled, pulling my hair harder, making me whimper and whine from the pain. “C-Can’t! It feels too good, please!” I don’t even know what I was asking for, “Please what baby? You need to use your words for me to know what you want” he said softer. “Need to close my eyes, want my face shoved into the mattress” I pathetically moaned out, causing Chris to let go of my hair and push my head down, making my back arch more.

“You’re doing so good for me, I think your punishment should be over and I should just fuck my pretty girl, don’t you agree?” he asked while moaning. “Wanna be good girl, I’ll do whatever you tell me daddy!” I moaned out as I felt myself getting close, that moan was quickly replaced with a cry when Chris pulled out. “No! No daddy! Was so close!” I said as literal tears welled up in my eyes, but Chris just rolled me onto my back, causing me to wince as my ass hit the bed. “Hey, it’s okay sweetheart. I’m not done fucking you, I just wanted to see that pretty face” he said calmly, stroking my cheek to reassure me. Chris slid back in and went back to his fast pace, moving my legs to wrap around his waist before caging in my head with his arms. “Feel so good daddy! Like this way better, I can see your face” I whined which made Chris smile. “Yeah? Me too, I like seeing the pretty faces you make” he said, making me blush as my nails started to lightly scratch down his back as I got close again. “Can I please cum? You can cum in me!” I whimpered out as I was holding back my orgasm, Chris’ lips came down on mine in a long and deeply passionate kiss.

He only pulled away to speed up his thrusts, “Go ahead princess, cum on my cock, I’m not far behind” he groaned. With his permission, I came, moaning out his name as I did so, “Oh Chris! Shit, feels so good” I moaned loudly. “Fuck! My name sounds so pretty coming out of your mouth like that” he grunted, thrusting in a few more times before cumming inside of me. Chris pulled out but used his fingers to scoop up the cum dripping out of me and bringing them to my mouth. “Suck” he instructed me before grabbing his shirt and wiping off both his dick and my cunt, ridding them of any excess cum. Chris turned off the light while I pulled the blankets back and we crawled under them, I put my hand on Chris’ cheek and turned his face to capture his lips in a feverish kiss. I swear my heart melted a bit when I felt him smile into it before pulling away, “I love you so much, and I’m sorry I acted like a bitch” I said quietly. Chris kissed my forehead, “And I’m sorry for being such an asshole. I love you so much more by the way” he said back, “Cuddles?” I questioned sleepily as I rolled onto my side. “Cuddles” he laughed, doing the same and spooning me, holding me against him tightly as we drifted off to sleep.

All work is subject to copyright

©️ Daddyslilchickenfingers2 2023

Do not steal my work

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cuubism · 1 year

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A heist for a crown for a king? 🤔👑

yes. dream deserves a crown. dream insists he doesn't need a crown, everybody knows he is king. also he has his helm. hob says how many times i gotta tell you it's not about NEEDING it. it's about how fucking sexy you'll look. that's the priority. also you deserve it. dream is still flummoxed.

may i propose a DREAM heist for a DREAM crown.

Hob was... definitely going to get in trouble for this.

"We're definitely going to get in trouble for this," said Matthew, perched on his shoulder. He tittered nervously. And Matthew was one of the most ride-or-die people-- birds?-- Hob had ever met, so this was not a good sign. "Like. Getting my wings cut off trouble."

"He's not going to cut your fucking wings off, Jesus Christ," said Hob. He crept through the dreamspace, keeping to the shadows so as to try to avoid alerting the dream itself to their presence. "Drawing and quartering is a lot more entertaining."

"HOB. What the fuck." Matthew's claws dug into his skin like he really did mean to separate Hob's arm from his shoulder.

Hob shrugged. "Didn't live through 'ye olde medieval times,' as you put it, for nothing."

"I didn't call it that."

"Yeah, you did. That's what I get for agreeing to watch A Knight's Tale, I suppose."

Matthew squawked. "It's a good movie!"

"It was a good movie right up until it managed to convince you that "We Will Rock You" was actually sung at jousts," said Hob.

"In my defense--" started Matthew, then clacked his beak shut. "Nah, actually, I don't have a defense for that. I must have been totally sloshed."

Hob snorted. "Oh, you were."

"Well, who decided it was a good idea to feed Bailey's to a raven?"

"There was no point at which I thought it was a good decision," said Hob. He couldn't help his grin. "I just don't mind making a bad one."

"And here I thought we were friends."

Hob slipped through a doorway, ducking around the next corner. The dream castle was significantly more winding than a real one. It was slow going.

He started humming to himself, an incongruously jaunty old execution ballad. "His quarters stand not all together, But ye mai hap to ring them thether..."

"I'm begging you to stop," said Matthew. "Has anyone ever told you that you have a serious problem?"

Hob laughed. "Many times."

A small group of people -- figments of the dreamscape -- strode around the corner. Hob ducked into a tiny alcove, one which hadn't been there before he'd thought of needing it. He was gradually getting better at manipulating the Dreaming.

And his heart was hammering. Dream theft or not, it was thrilling.

"Never thought I'd be part of fucking Inception," grumbled Matthew, peering to see if it was all clear.

Hob crept back out into the hall and up a spiral staircase. "This is way more fun than Inception."

"And way more dangerous."

"You loved the last outing!"

"Yeah, that one didn't involve sneaking around in my boss's subconscious."

Hob rolled his eyes. "It's not Dream's subconscious." Finally at the center of the absolute maze that was the castle, he spied his prize, and slipped right through the bulletproof glass to get at it. On a stand at the center of the room sat the most gorgeous tiara, a winding thing of diamond leaves and ruby berries. He grinned. "It's the Princess's."

He swiped the thing from its stand, leaving a weight in its place for the pressured alarm he was sure still existed even in a dream.

"Dream is the Dreaming, dude. We're gonna get caught."

"Well, that's why you're here, isn't it? It's normal for you to be in dreams, it's not for me. You're my cover. You'll make it way less likely for Dream to--"

And they were yanked from the dream.

"Drawn and quartered!" Matthew squeaked, and then they were standing in the throne room.

Dream was, of course, standing a few steps up on the grand staircase, glaring at them. Glaring at Hob, really. Matthew squawked again in fright, puffing up his feathers. Hob just grinned back at Dream.

"When I gave you free run of the Dreaming," Dream started, some of the menace Hob had heard him use with rogue nightmares on display, "this was not what I meant."

Hob wasn't afraid of Dream, though. Never had been. "Don't take it out on Matthew," he said. "Wasn't his idea."

Dream's stormy gaze flickered over to Matthew. "Matthew, you are dismissed. I will deal with you later."

Matthew didn't need to be told twice. He winged away out of the throne room, calling back, "Good luck with getting drawn and quartered, Hob!"

Dream raised an eyebrow. He still looked dreadfully unamused. "Drawn and quartered?"

"We've watched too many medieval movies," Hob explained.

"Ah." His gaze found the tiara clasped in Hob's hand. "What, exactly, is that?"

He obviously knew. It was made of dream stuff, after all. Still, Hob knelt and held it out to him. "For my liege."

Dream strode down the few steps separating them, fluid as water streaming over a fall, his long cloak trailing behind him. Majestic creature. Majestic king. Did he really expect Hob to be at all normal about it?

Dream plucked the tiara from Hob's hands. He tilted it back and forth. The light through the stained glass illuminated it in every color imaginable and cast refracted rainbows on his face. "You stole it from a dream."

Hob flashed him a crooked grin. "Guilty."

Dream tipped his head up with one fingertip under his chin, until Hob's neck was craned back and he was meeting his gaze. "That," he drawled, his eyes flashing dark, "is very disrespectful."

"Oh, yeah?"

"Yes." Dream didn't release Hob's chin; if anything, he leaned closer so Hob had to look up even further. "Did you think you would not be caught? Creeping around in my halls?"

"We'll, I'm very good," Hob said. This was hardly the first thing he'd stolen for Dream, though it was the first one he'd attempted in the Dreaming.

"Or perhaps," continued Dream, and the darkness in his eyes looked hungry, now, though no less dangerous. "Perhaps, you wanted to be caught."

Hob winked at him, cheeks heating. "Well. I may be good, but I could hardly expect you not to feel it when it's your skirts I was rustling under."

"Is that what you were doing?" Dream swept his thumb along Hob's lip, dipping into his mouth. "Fiending for punishment?"

"Just trying to please my lord. Are you pleased, my love?"

"That is not quite the word I would use, dearest one." A sharp smile was creeping its way onto his lips, eyes burning with a dark warmth, like smoldering coals.

He placed the tiara on Hob's head.

Shadows dripped from it, falling over Hob's shoulders and back. Dream's hands lingered at Hob's temples, stroking his hair back behind his ears.

"Devoted one." His voice rumbled pleasantly through Hob's body, and Hob shivered. "Mischievous one. What am I to do with you?"

"Only whatever you want," said Hob, leaning into his touch. "As usual."

"Hmm. I think..."

Shadows fell around the throne room, dropped from the ceiling like banners and speckled like blackened stars. Hob knew those shadows, knew the way they were meant to intimidate though they did nothing but make him want more, make him hungrier, make him want to hold Dream close in every meaning of the word.

And he knew that bright darkness in his lover's eyes, too. The sky during an eclipse.

Dream drew him back to his feet. Hob stumbled in so they were a breath apart.

"Whatever prize you were seeking when you embarked on this foolhardy task?" Dream hummed, just before pulling Hob in to meet his lips. "I think you should claim it."

#this got slightly kinkier than intended #that seems to happen a lot with these two #actually not even slightly. it's a LOT kinkier than intended #bandit hob / lord dream dynamic #which i am increasingly weak for #tfw ur lover is super dangerous actually but u love it #monsterfucker hob #the execution ballad hob's singing is a real thing btw XD #dreamling #dreamling fic #ask #magnusbae #hob gadling #dream of the endless #my writing #alcohol cw

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carpememes · 8 months

Text

10 Minute Power Hour Starters

"You gotta warn me because I was just about to yell 'Remember who made you cum?' and how embarrassing would that shit have been?"

"We've got ____ here. Can you believe it?"

"Alright, shut the fuck up, everybody."

"No, not the stegosaurus!"

"Oh! We're giving samples. I've done this before."

"Can you Urkel your way to a win?"

"I don't love this."

"Glug glug glug, now I'm drunk."

"WOO! Show us how it's done, baby!"

"It's what all the kids on youtube are doing."

"Where is this piece? Did you steal my piece?"

"Bro, I'm killing it."

"Am I right, the youth?"

"You didn't even savor the peelies."

"You just ripped it off like a barbarian."

"Sizzle sizzle, baby bitch."

"It's gonna be really dramatic and cool!"

"I don't want a pumpkin growing in my belly."

"What a fool he is, to get wood confused with food items."

"I told my mom to help me clean it up and she said 'no thank you'."

"___ said I look like the floor of an arcade."

"My heart is beating so fast right now."

"Spin the wheel, you bitch."

"We're visible to lots of people, but it feels great to be truly seen by someone special."

"Well, not like my BEST best friend but he's definitely in that class."

"That's too much plastic crap."

"You look like something they'd serve at 2 in the morning at iHop."

"I feel like i just came back from a mythical creature bukake."

"This is what the ladies are into. A big ol brain horn of goo."

"I'm an ex-man. Which means I used to be a man."

"Yeah you won. Everyone's great. Three people need to go to the hospital but hooray you won."

"Thanks for invalidating my win, dude. I worked hard for this."

"You popped which means you are legally obligated to not stop."

"Please. No laughter."

"I feel you should've said something."

"I has bro! Do you has bro??"

"Well, I think you get double points for that."

"You got a serious buttchin and you need to admit it and use it!"

"YOU DID THIS!"

"We're losin it. We're losin it! ___, we're losin it!"

"This shirt's better now."

"No don't! ___, fucking, god damn it!"

"That was the most legit anger I've heard out of you in so long."

"Why is it filled with chestnuts?! And a lemon!"

"Thanks for celebrating my birthday. This was really fun and not depressing."

"Hold on! I have to do some research."

"Jesus. Reginald. Christ."

"You did it! It's a nightmare."

"What do you think? You think i look sexy?"

"Am i out kissin vandals and vagrants?!"

"Imagine I'm rubbing your thighs."

"I'm going to open a tube of goo now."

"You're a sucky friend!"

"I'm doing all of the colors, you fuck!"

"I know what makes green! Magic and jesus!"

"Oh cool! It looks not that great!"

"It looks like somebody's pancreas exploded over here."

"Anyone wanna be on camera?"

"Drink it, you armadillo."

"Have you witnessed me?"

"Ew, ewww- EEEWWW!"

"Nooo, I don't wanna be the hulk anymore."

"There we go. That's a big boy."

"Are you gonna attack or are you too scared?"

"Admittedly you wield a lot of power that I was not aware of."

"It makes magic fun!"

"That's not what I wanted at all."

"I feel like a cat that just fell in the bathtub."

"YES! Eat the worms!"

"Early 2000s is retro?"

"What is the best time of day to shake a baby?"

"Oh no! It's making the connection that I'm it's mother!"

"We dont have all day. Im becoming sterile wearing these jock straps."

"So you can stick your little emoji faces in here when you write your diary about how much God has betrayed you."

"That is one of the worst shirts I've seen in my life. Put it on."

"What? Oh, I suppose you want to KISS about it?!"

"I dunno. I guess cuz I'm an asshole."

"What do you mean 'is that really what it looks like'? It looks magical!"

"In this world we must all tilt.... But we also a-whirl."

"Look around you. All you see is death and chaos... Here is a kirby."

"Every birthday is like the grim reaper moving one peg on the abacus of your life."

"Everytime I try to solve it i'm just making things worse. Which is just an analogy for my life."

"I was brewin' in the nutsack of an older man."

"It was like having Chuck-e-cheese right in your house."

"The ooze doesn't smell great."

"Parents killed each other to get this thing."

"I threw up a lot more in the 90s than I do now."

"It's about to erase your memory."

"____, Im so sorry, but there's something your mother and I have to tell you."

"It's not your fault! Don't ever think it's your fault!"

#sentence starters #rp memes #game grumps #the grumps #10 minute power hour

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itskobold · 11 months

Text

and with that we're at 11/24, and are done with silver. still no orange though. what's up with that.

#cmwge #indomitable #poll

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cheekiepascal · 5 months

Text

Chapter 2: The Package

Pairing: Joel Miller X fem!reader

Rating: 18+, no minors 🔞

Word Count: 3.5k ;)

Chapter Triggers: Tiny amount of tension, sassy Joel Miller, neighbor Joel Miller

Series Warning: Age Gap (22/45), alcohol, Eventual toe curling smut (will specify with each chapter), fluff, secret relationship, A/N: Long awaited second chapter hehe :) Let me know whatcha guys think and if you want to be added to the tag list!

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The work week flew by and you didn’t see much of Joel for most of it. Mostly just the occasional nod of the head in passing, and things seemed pretty much back to normal. The weekend finally came around which meant that you finally got to rest and take your weekly shopping adventure in town. On today’s agenda, you had plans to hit up Target and a new local bookstore that just opened up. That is until you opened your front door and slammed your sandaled foot into the most enormous box known to mankind...

“Fucking Christ” You cry out.

While trying to ignore the throbbing pain in your big toe, you search the box for a label to see who this monstrosity is for. You hardly ever get packages that aren’t just books from Amazon, so getting a box this big delivered to your house is just mind-boggling.

After finally locating the label, you see that it’s addressed to Joel Miller. Rolling your eyes, you once again, huff your way down the driveway and up to Joel's house. All you wanted to do is to do your errands in peace and here you are again, chasing Joel down because he can’t seem to keep his shit out of your way.

Almost reaching the front door, you notice that the garage door is open and a vast amount of grunting sounds and tools clanging is spilling out of the garage. You decide to wander your way into the garage you see Joel bent over and under the hood of a navy blue 1984 Bronco looking sexy as hell. He’s wearing a red flannel with the sleeves pushed up to his elbows so that it accentuates his veiny forearms and a pair of worn jeans.

The sight of him makes something in your lower stomach flutter. Yes Joel was older, and you knew that you shouldn’t have any other feelings toward him other than your typical friendly feelings, but there was just something about him that made you want more.

The sound of a bolt hitting the floor and rolling toward you jolts you from your deep thoughts.

“Nice car,” You say, bending over to pick up the bolt then walking towards Joel.

“Whatcha want now lil lady?” Joel says, continuing his tinkering under the hood.

“One, stop calling me ‘little lady’. I’m an adult, not a child. And two, there is a huge ass package on my porch with your name on it and it’s gotta go” You say pointing your thumb in the direction of your front door.

“Why didn’t you just pick it up and bring it over?” He says standing straight, with the wrench in his hand.

You roll your eyes, handing him his missing bolt “Because it’s the size of a small child and it’s heavy?”

“So you’re saying that it’s too big for you to carry right?” He asks as you watch him bend under the hood again to screw the bolt tight with a socket wrench, staring at his forearms flexing

“Well, Yeah” You replied impatiently, trying your hardest not to think about how you so eagerly wanted to be the socket wrench… or the bolt. Or even the car.

“Well, then that makes the name valid. You are a little lady.” He smirks standing up again and wiping his hands on a rag, wiping the grime off.

You roll your eyes and try to summon the strength to not strangle this man where he stands. Joel was hot, but Jesus you did not have enough patience for this man’s inconvenient sass.

“You just love testing my patience don’t you?” You grumble

“Maybe if you weren’t so sassy, I wouldn’t have to.” He says chuckling and turning around and tossing the dirty rag onto his workbench.

“This yours?” You ask nodding towards the Bronco, changing the subject to save your sanity.

“Yup, I bought her off one of my guys so I could have somethin’ to fool around with in my free time”

You’re definitely not into cars much, you’ve always had a slight interest due to Greg, one of your mom's boyfriends. He was the closest thing to a dad you have ever had, a full-time lonely mechanic who had always wanted kids to teach cars things too. So when he linked up with your mom, it was a perfect situation. Greg got to teach you about cars and your mom got free car maintenance. You spent every second of your free time out in the garage with him while he tinkered on Mom’s piece of shit station wagon that broke down every 100 miles or so. He taught you how to change oil, plug a tire, change fluids, replace brake pads, and even to replace a transmission one time. So it’s safe to say you knew a few things about vehicle maintenance, but when it came to classic cars and their history? You knew nothing but the basics. Unfortunately for you, your mom dumped Greg right after replacing said transmission, so you didn’t get to dive into the history of automobiles with him before he was abruptly removed from your life.

“Nice, does it have four-wheel drive?”

“Mmhmm. Why? You gonna steal it from me or somethin’?” He asks

“No, I was going to be nice and tell you that there were a few off-road trails near here that you could take it down when it’s done” You said crossing your arms sassily.

“Oh” He says smirking, his mature face wrinkling at the corners of his deep brown eyes.

“Anyways,” You say, rolling your eyes and turning towards your house, “You coming or what cause I have things to do.”

Joel shakes his head and watches you march your way down his driveway briskly.

“What a piece of work” He mumbles, following after you.

Arriving at your door, you point at the large box that is taking your walkway hostage.

“That’s the one, it has your name on it”

“Alright.” He says picking up the massive box with ease and starting to walk down the driveway with it.

“Come on. I need ya to open some doors for me” He shouts over his shoulder at you

“A please would be nice” You mutter as you speed walk, catching up to him.

After walking beside him for a few moments you decide that maybe you should try to be nice and create some small talk. He is your neighbor after all, and you have been a bit sassy with him here recently. You don’t want him walking around thinking that he has a massive bitch for a neighbor.

“So where are you from exactly?” You ask, looking up at him.

“I was born and raised in Austin.” He says as he shifts the box, getting a better view of you.

“So why did you move to Arlington?”

“I wanted to move my daughter into a better high school. She wants to go to UT for Computer Science and this new school has some fancy early college program that her old school didn’t have”

You snap your head towards him looking surprised.

“What?” He laughs.

“N-nothing.” You stutter, quickly shaking your head, bewildered. “How old is she?”

“15. She’ll be a freshman this year comin’” Joel smirks

“Oh wow… Cool”

Your mind begins to reel. A daughter? Joel a dad? You knew he was older, but he didn’t seem old enough to have a 15-year-old daughter for crying out loud.

After walking the rest of the way up to Joel’s in silence, your mind spinning with the little bit of information Joel revealed, You finally reach the garage and he puts the box down and stretches, before flipping the box on its side and picking it up again.

“Can you get the door?” he asks, his head nodding towards the door.

“Oh, sure.” You say reaching for the doorknob.

Following Joel inside and into the kitchen he sets the box onto the counter and starts unboxing it.

The kitchen is stunning. It’s industrial-inspired but modern and spacious, very well-organized with high ceilings and large windows that allow natural light to flood in.

“Your kitchen is beautiful,” You say breathlessly, inspecting the brand-new appliances.

“Thanks” He gruffs

You walk over to the stunning black stainless steel fridge and look at all the different polaroids stuck to the side of it. You notice one photo of Joel sitting next to a young girl as she blows the candles off of a cake that reads “Happy 15th Birthday Sarah!”.

You weren’t expecting Sarah to be so beautiful. Not that you were expecting her to be ugly, but she was prettier than you thought you looked at her age. Beautiful chocolate brown ringlet curls frame her face, stunning olive skin tone, and the prettiest hazel eyes. You also notice that she has Joel’s cute nose and it makes you smile. She’s absolutely gorgeous.

“Where is she?” You ask, staring at the rest of the Polaroids.

“Huh?” Joel asks as he plugs in some sort of appliance and sets it on the counter turning it on.

“Where’s Sarah? Is she here?”

“Oh, no. She’s with her mom” He turns on the machine, it beeping and coming to life.

You walked to the middle of the kitchen and bent over the huge island, leaning over it and letting your chest settle onto your crossed arms that sat on the granite island, showing off your perky breasts. You silently thanked yourself for choosing to throw on a scoop neck tank top rather than an old ratty t-shirt that you typically wore on your days off.

“That was in the huge ass box?” You say when you finally get a good look at the contraption Joel pulled out of the box. It’s a state-of-the-art smart coffee machine, complete with a 6-inch touch-screen and a hot and cold frother attachment. It looks nice but you think it’s odd that Joel would buy this. He seems like a normal “cup of black coffee in the morning” type of guy, not a “mocha frappe with cold foam” type of guy.

“I promised Sarah that if she stopped asking me to stop at damn a Starbucks every day before school, I would buy a fancy barista machine.” He said, shaking his head in amusement. “She drinks those decaf fancy things with some kinda cream on top. But not whipped cream, some other typa’ cream. I got her one with whipped cream once and she got sassy with me”

“It’s called cold foam,” You said laughing at his way of describing coffee like it’s a foreign object.

“Yeah that stuff,” He said, his eyes quickly wandering down to your breasts and back up to your eyes. He swiftly turns back towards the machine and begins to set the time.

You smirk at his apparent flustering and decide to wander into the living room. The decor screams Joel Miller. The dark brown hardwood floors, dark green rug and brown leather couch facing a big flat screen mounted on the wall, all ooze his burly mountain man aesthetic.

You see some more photos hanging on the wall and walk up to them peering at all his memories that are hung meticulously on the wall.

You zone in on a particular photo of Sarah with someone whom you guess, is her mother. She has long curly black hair, deep blue eyes, and a hardening expression plastered on her face. She looks young in the photo and normal, but something feels a bit off in her body language. Defensive almost.

“So do you like workin’ at the BayLeaf?” Joel shouts towards you from the kitchen.

Still studying and analyzing the photo of the mystery woman you reply, “Not really, but the pay is good. If I budget my money right it floats me through the school year so I don’t have to work while taking classes.”

You hear Joel walk out of the kitchen towards you.

“Classes? So you’re like 20?” He asks with a strange look on his face.

“No, I’m 22 Joel.” You say. “Why, is 20 your preferred age?”

He stares at you with a shocked look. “NO… er, I-I thought you were older than that”

“Well I’m not, sorry to disappoint.” You retort

“What are your going to school for?”

“Engineering. I want to design skyscrapers one day. I graduate in December thank God” you reply

“Oh, so you’re almost done.” He says, looking oddly relieved.

“Yeah… Did you go to college here?” You ask turning back to photos, searching for any images of Joel when he was younger.

He shifts uncomfortably. “No. I started my own construction company right outta high school. Then when my brother finished school we became partners.”

“Oh cool. Very Entrepreneurial of you” You reply turning back to Joel staring into his addicting brown eyes.

“Yeah.” He mutters, his eyes boring into yours.

You don’t say anything for what seems like an eternity, just accepting the silence between you two. You start to feel those annoying flutters deep in your stomach again as your gaze is locked onto his. Joel’s eyes wander down to your mouth and your breathing hitches, wanting so badly for him to just kiss you, right then and there in the middle of his living room. Your heart beats faster and faster, just waiting for him to make some sort of move, grab you, kiss you, something. Anything.

“Joel I…” You’re cutt off by the sound of a car door slamming in front of the house, making you both jump in unison. Joel rushes over to the front door and peers out the small window next to it.

“Shit.” He says rubbing his hand roughly up and down the back of his neck. “Listen, I hate to do this but can you wait in the kitchen for me? My ex-wife is a lil’ bit on the crazy side, and she’ll flip her lid if she saw a woman standin’ in my doorway.”

You nodd your head rapidly “Oh sure, yeah that’s fine. I guess”

You scramble into the kitchen and up to the sink, leaning over it, trying to control your thoughts as they scramble. “What the fuck am I doing?” You think aloud.

“Um, hello?”

You spin around so fast that you almost fall over. Sarah is standing in the kitchen doorway looking confused and eerily suspicious of you. “Who are you?”

“Oh, Hi!” You said gasping trying to catch your breath after almost busting your ass on the tile. You tell her your name and start to explain that you are the neighbor from across the street.

“Oh, okay… So like why are you in my kitchen though?” Sarah askes looking confused.

“I was helping your dad bring in your new coffee machine. It was delivered to my house by accident.” You say pointing at the coffee machine Joel set up on the kitchen counter.

Sarah zones in on the coffee machine and rushes over to analyze it. “Oh my God he actually bought it! I didn’t think he was serious.” She turns back to you with an embarrassed look on her face, “I’m really into coffee”

“Yeah he might have mentioned that” You reply

You don’t hate kids, but teenagers were scary. It wasn’t long ago that you were a teenager yourself, but this newer generation was so different from how you grew up. You had no idea how to level with them.

While Sarah becomes deeply engaged with the coffee machine, you stick your head out of the kitchen to see if Joel is coming back anytime soon.

“You are not taking my child to New Mexico so you can join another one of your damn hippy dippy cults. I won’t have that shit, Amber.”

You freeze. You knew Joel had some sass to him but hearing him flat out angry was strange to you. You stick your head out a little bit further and catch a glimpse of the woman you assume is Sarah’s mother. She looks the same as the picture you were just looking at, but much older. Her black curls are gray and frizzy with age and her face is tight with annoyance. She’s wearing a pair of flowy overalls and a cropped bandeau top that hugs her petite frame.

“It’s not a cult Joel, it's a yoga retreat.” She says exasperatedly. “Listen, I am allowed to take her on trips Joel, you can’t deny me that right.”

“Yes the fuck I can, and I will” Joel angrily whispers back.

“You are allowed to take her on vacations, not to enroll in some fuckin’ cult in the middle of the goddamn desert”

“Yoga retreat.” Amber replies, crossing her arms in annoyance.

“Whatever. It’s not happenin’.” Joel says in a normal tone of voice

“You are the last person who can tell me what I can and cannot do Joel.” She says, her voice getting louder. “She’s coming with me and If you have a fucking problem with it, you can take me back to fucking court.”

“Maybe I will” He shot back

“You won’t. Cause you know I’ll make sure they reevaluate child support while we’re there and I’ll make sure to get every spare penny you make. Don’t tempt me.” She says poking her finger into Joel’s chest.

“Fuck you Amber.” Joel growls

“Remember who you’re dealing with Joel. I don’t play when it comes to money. We both know that” She says with a smirk.

She turns around and storms away from the front door, leaving Joel standing there alone. He balls his hands into a fist and takes a few deep and uneasy breaths. He closes the door slowly and turns around catching you half-hidden behind the kitchen doorway.

“I suppose you heard all that.” He says rubbing the back of his neck, embarrassed.

“Just the tail end. Sorry.” You said feeling awkward as hell.

“It’s fine. She’s just… a lot” Joel says, sighing.

“Is she always like that?” You ask unsure of what else to say.

He stares at you, with an uncomfortable look. “Sometimes”

You both stand there in the foyer in silence for a few minutes. Both unsure of what to say next. The situation seemed sticky to you, a crazy ex-wife, a teenager? You needed to nip these feelings you had for Joel in the bud. It was clear that he didn’t have any time for anything extracurricular in his life. Not that you wanted to be one of his extracurricular activities...

“I guess I should be going now.” You finally say

“Yeah”

“I’ll see ya around?” You say walking towards him and the front door.

“I guess so.” Joel says, stepping out of the way of the door, letting you pass.

As you attempt to walk past him and out of the door he grabs your wrist making you stop dead in your tracks. He stares at you again with your wrist in hand, his brown eyes piercing into yours.

Being this close to him, you could finally take a good look at his face. You weren’t sure exactly how old Joel was, but you guessed he had to be over the age of forty, and oddly enough, you realized that you didn’t care as much as you thought you should. Soft wrinkles splayed around his eyes and forehead giving him a mature yet youthful look, that made you internally swoon.

He begins to slowly lean into you, his hand sliding up your arm, making your breath hitch. Your wanders to his perfect plush lips, the sound of your heart pounding in your ears and making you lightheaded. You look back up to his eyes, Joel’s hand now resting on your shoulder and rubbing his thumb softly on your skin making your arm flourish with goosebumps.

You open your mouth daring to say something, and the sound of Sarah coming through the kitchen door makes you both jump apart.

“Dad, I can’t figure out where the coffee grounds go in this thing. Do you have the instruction manual still?” She says tapping her foot and waiting for an answer

“Yeah, it must be in the box. I’ll see if I can’t dig it out for ya” He says clearly shaken.

“I gotta go anyways, I still have to run my errands.” You say backing your way to the door and opening it. Your face blushing with embarrassment.

“Okay,” Joel replies. “Well, we’ll see ya around then?”

“Yeah, See ya around,” You reply quietly, stepping out of the door and closing it behind you.

You break out in a jog and quickly make your way home before your dirty thoughts persuaded you into busting your way back into Joel’s house and fucking him right in his foyer…

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__________________________________________________________

tag list:

@ilovepedro

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leelei1980 · 10 months

Text

@oneforthemunny ‘s Summer writing game

Prompt: 🐚 Vacation time with Eddie

Title: Island Time

Word count: 4k+ ( Got a little carried away but ya gotta have the spicy details right?)

🛑 Smut- Mature 18+ Minors DNI, Blowjobs and handjobs and P in V oh my! Unprotected sex (always wrap before you tap it!)🛑

I am super nervous/excited to share this piece, I hope y’all like it❤️

POV- Reader

You couldn't believe it . You had never won a single thing in your entire life, not a raffle, not even a bingo when you used to go play with your Grammy , and you had just won an all expense paid 7 day trip to the Virgin Islands through a radio call in contest. This was a dream come true. Seven days of fun in the sun, tropical drinks from morning till night and quality time with the love of your life. It was going to be so romantic.

You hurried home from work and burst through the door, excited to tell Eddie the amazing news but he was no where in sight. You could hear the shower running so you ran into the bathroom and flung the shower curtain open. Eddie screamed," Jesus fucking Christ! You scared the fucking shit out of me! I thought I was going to be murdered, like straight up Psycho shit! Ahh! I have shampoo in my eyes, I've got soap in my eyes and it fucking burns!" He stuck his face under the spray and rinsed off.

You smirked and rolled your eyes."You scare me all the fucking time so I don't feel sorry for you at all. And once you hear why I came barging in you are going to forget all about your burning eyes! "

Eddie turned off the tap and stood there a second trying to get a read on your expression. "Something good?"

You stood there for a second to take in the sight of a naked and wet Eddie Munson. You got an eyeful, smiled at him then handed him a towel. " Baby, I won! I won us a trip to St. Thomas! The Virgin Islands baby! We are going to the Caribbean!"

" What? Are you shittin me? "

" No Eds, I was the 100th caller in a radio contest and I got it!"

" Holy shit Sweetheart! That's fuckin awesome !"

" We are going on Vacation!" I clapped my hands together excitedly. " I pick up the info at the radio station Friday, we will have to ask for time off at work, I need to by a couple of bathing suits-"

" So when are we going on this Tropical Vacation Sweets?"

" Next month!"

" Wow, and uh how do we get there?"

You smile," How do you think baby? We have to fly in."

Eddie's face went completely serious. "I don't know baby, I've never flown before. I'm kind of nervous . I mean you know what happened to Buddy Holly and Ritchie Valens right? Both musicians and both died in a plane crash-"

" They flew out in the middle of a storm, in a tiny ass plane. Your going to be alright baby,I promise." I slapped his ass." Get dressed sweet cheeks, we are going shopping. You are going to need a fancy outfit because we are going to do at least one fancy dinner at the resort."

" Do I have to? I'm not exactly a fancy guy. I might not fit in with the fancy folks."

" You will be fine. I can't wait to get all dolled up, get a new dress, some fancy lingerie to wear under the dress-"

Eddie smirked." That's what I'm talking about." He wrapped his arms around your waist." Smokin hot hotel sex, with my sexy little kitten. "

" I can't wait to spend some quality alone time with you Mr. Munson, lounging around, room service, tropical drinks with umbrellas in them. Sounds like heaven."

" Sure does Princess." He pulled you in for a sweet kiss then smirked." So after we pick out my ' Fancy outfit' are we shopping for your 'Fancy lingerie'? Like I try on a couple outfits, you try on a couple outfits..."

You smile up at him. " You can pick out one sexy outfit, the rest are going to be a surprise."

" What are we waiting for? Let's get the fuck out of here."

" Um, Eddie, as much as I love looking at your sweet ass you need to get dressed first."

Eddie smiled." You had me all excited there Dollface. Of course , pants first."

*************************************

" St. Thomas here we come!" You said excitedly as you pulled your luggage out of the trunk of Steve Harrington's car. He had offered to drive you to Indianapolis and drop you off so that you wouldn't have to pay to park your car.

" I feel like I am going to puke." Eddie breathed in a few deep breaths.

Steve chuckled and pat his friend on the back." Your going to be fine Munson, people fly safely every day. Your flying first class buddy, buckle up,down some champagne and you will be there before you know it."

" Then we will be laying on the beach without a care in the world." You lightly kiss his lips. " Oh! Baby, I don't know if they will let you through security with your rings on, you might need to put them in your checked luggage."

" I can't wear my rings?"

" Just through security baby, they will set off the metal detectors. You don't have any pocket knives or anything right? "

Eddie pat himself down then emptied his pockets." Nope. Jesus, this is awfully complicated."

" Don't pay any attention to Eddie here, he's never left Indiana before, let alone the country." Steve smirked.

" Fuck you Steve."

" I'm going to let that slide because I know you are nervous." Steve walks up to you and gives you a big hug, then does the same to Eddie." Have fun, safe travels guys. And Munson, try to get some sun, your as white as a ghost."

You watch Eddie flip Steve off , then you wave goodbye and grab your bag.

" Come on baby, let's get this adventure started."

*************************************

" Hey Princess, does this belt look secure to you?"

You lean over to check that Eddie's seatbelt is in fact securely tightened. "Snug as a bug Eds." You lightly kiss his lips before sitting back in your seat. You take his hand and give it a squeeze. " Try to relax, ok Baby?"

Eddie put his head back against the seat and closed his eyes. " I'm going to put my music on. Let me know when they are serving Alcohol, would ya Doll?"

" You got it." You had never seen Eddie this nervous about anything before, the man could walk up on a stage and perform in front of a crowd without batting an eye but this scared the shit out of him. You watched him put on his headphones and completely tune out. Shortly after take off they served alcohol, you got a mimosa and got Eddie some whiskey on the rocks which he took down in one gulp then quickly went back to his music. You wrapped your arm around his shoulder and pulled his head to your chest. In a matter of minutes he was sleeping like a baby.

The first flight was smooth sailing and the connecting flight was uneventful. Eddie loosened up a little for the second flight but still refused to unfasten his seatbelt, even when you asked him if he wanted to join the mile high club he respectfully declined, and stayed securely fastened in his seat.

It was a relief when you landed at your final destination, found your luggage and boarded the shuttle to your resort.

Eddies eyes were as big as saucers as he took in all the sights." Princess look at the palm trees, that water looks so clear and blue."

You loved that you were able to experience this with him, you had been to the ocean before but no place tropical and nowhere the water was turquoise and the beaches were this beautiful.

Your resort was gorgeous and you gasped as you opened the door to your suite." Holy Shit baby! We are living like royalty this week!" You dropped your bags and ran and flopped on the king sized bed, then giggled into a pillow.

" I could get used to this lifestyle. This really is a dream come true." Eddie threw his leather jacket onto a chair and walked over to a table that had a chilled bottle of champagne and a fruit basket on it." What do you say to a little bit of bubbly Lovie? I feel like Thurston Howell the third from Gillian's island." He smiled widely as he popped the top on the champagne.

" Don't even bother with the glasses Baby, it's our vacation and I'm drinking it straight out of the bottle." You get up off the bed and walk over to Eddie, really looking over just how beautiful the suite is. You watch Eddie take a swig from the bottle then hand it to you and you do the same. You explore the room together, peeking your heads into the bathroom and discovering a giant tub and wonderful smelling soaps and shampoos, and then the best part, the balcony overlooking the stunning beach. " Pinch me Ed's, I need to make sure this is real."

" How about instead of pinching you, I fuck you into that soft luxurious bed?"

You smile." You really know how to sweep a girl off her feet Munson."

Eddie smirks , scoops you up and he kisses you and carries you to the bed.

You smile." Eddie, I didn't even get to put on my fancy lingerie for you yet."

Eddie smiled." You know I love the way you look when you wear it, but honestly , I prefer you with nothing on." He throws you onto the bed then jumps down beside you and you both laugh." Time to get you out of these clothes Princess."

*************************************

Eddie

Holy. Fucking. Shit. Did I sleep on a fucking cloud? I don't know if I have ever slept so hard before. Could have been the champagne? Maybe it was because I had been so fucking worked up over the flight and I had finally let my body relax? Maybe it was the fresh ocean air? Or possibly the wild, uninhibited sex we had last night. Whatever it was I slept like a fucking rock.

I roll over to a cool pillow beside me and slowly open my eyes. The bed beside me is empty, but as I prop myself up on my elbows I notice the French doors to the private balcony are open.

I stretch and quietly get up and slip on the amazing fucking white robe that he hotel provided and padded over to the open door.

There was my Sweet Girl, wrapped in her robe, mimosa in hand, watching the sun rise over the ocean, hair blowing in the breeze, orange glow on her skin from the rising sun. She was breathtaking.

I quietly walked up behind her and slipped my arms around her waist, burying my face in her neck and placing light kisses on her skin.

" Mmmmm, good morning Baby." She purred.

" Good morning Princess." I nibbled on her ear. " Up awfully early this morning."

She sighed." I wanted to see the sunrise. Sorry I didn't wake you, you looked so peaceful and cozy, you were out like a light Eds." She smiled.

" I don't think I have ever slept so good in my life."

" You were snoring baby."

" What? No way."

" Way! You were so out that you were sawing logs." She chuckled.

" Sorry Sweetheart."

" Don't apologize, I didn't even notice it until I woke up. Then I laid there watching you sleep for a few minutes-"

" Fucking creepy-" I joked.

She laughed." You were adorable."

" I wasn't drooling was I?

" No Eddie you weren't drooling."

" Good, that would have been fucking gross."

" But I would still love you, drool and all." She took a sip from her glass than offered it to me. I finished it off then set it on the small balcony table. I watched her smile to herself as she looked back out to the ocean." Eds, have you ever seen anything more beautiful?"

I lightly turned her face to mine . "Every time I look at you Doll." I placed a light kiss on her lips.

" Are you getting all gooey on me Eddie Munson?"

" Maybe." I pulled her closer, pressing my body into hers, and kissed the spot just below her ear, I slowly worked my way down her neck, collarbone, teeth lightly grazing her shoulder. I felt her shiver.

" Feels so good baby."

" You like that, my sweet girl?" I slid my hand up from her waist and into the front of her robe, lightly rubbing my thumb over her nipple and squeezing her breast. A moan escaped her lips and she melted into me, pressing her sweet round ass against me, causing my dick to immediately stir." How does that feel?"

" So good."

I slid my other hand under the bottom of her robe, over her hip, and down between her thighs ,lightly running my finger down her slit." Fuck Sweetheart, your already wet for me." I slowly circled her clit with my fingertip and felt her hips move against me.

" Eddie, please-"

" Please what Darling?"

" Please fuck me."

I smiled." Well since you asked me nicely-" I let go of her just long enough to spin her body around to face me.

She leaned forward and kissed me , her tongue dipping into my mouth and swirling with mine, it was passionate and intense and when she pulled away she very lightly tugged on my bottom lip with her teeth.

" Jesus Christ Sweetheart."

I felt her hand part my robe and wrap her hand around my rock hard cock , stroking it.

" Fuck baby, your already hard for me?" She mimicked with a smile.

I smirked than leaned in close, lips almost touching. I could feel her breathing quicken." I might have to fuck you right out here on this balcony Kitten."

" Promise?"

That was all it took. I captured her mouth with mine, putting everything I had into that kiss, trying to make her as breathless as she made me, all the while slowly walking her backwards to press her up against the wall of the little alcove , out of direct sight , giving us some privacy.

I cupped her face in my hands, then ran them down her neck,pushing her robe back a little over her shoulders, giving me better access to her delicate soft skin. I knew what she liked, what she wanted. My lips left hers, and I nibbled and licked my way down her throat to the juncture between her neck and her shoulder. I knew that kissing the sensitive skin of neck would turn her on, so I lingered there a moment knowing that was her sweet spot and I heard her groan.

" Eddie-" she breathed , and I felt her hand untie the knot in my robe." Please Baby, I need more, I want you so fucking bad right now."

" I know, honey, because I need to be inside you right now . Don't worry,I've got you Sweetheart." I grabbed her fine ass with both hands and lifted her up, she wrapped her legs around me and I lined my throbbing cock up with her slick entrance and slowly lowered her down.

We both moaned. God, it didn't matter how many times we have had sex, every time felt absolutely amazing.

" You feel so good inside me baby, so full," she panted, head back against the wall." Give me more baby."

" Your so fucking tight." I drove up into her again, and again, so turned on by the pretty little noises she made as I thrusted into her. " You take my cock so fucking well. Your pussy is so fucking perfect. It was made for me."I leaned down and drew her breast into my mouth,rolled her nipple on my tongue and listened as she groaned in response." I know how to take care of you baby."

" Mmmm, your so fucking good Eds," She wound her hands into my hair and tugged, pulling my head back, knowing how much the sensation turned me on, then attacked my throat.

" Fuuucck, Princess. Feels so fucking good." I pounded into her at a relentless pace, and I could tell by the sounds that she was making that she was getting close. I brought my forehead to hers," Cum for me."

" I-I'm so close-"

I dove in slow and hard and it was enough to send her over the edge. I watched as she threw her head back, my name falling from her lips as she rode out her wave of pleasure. " That's it Darling."

I felt my own orgasm building up,then the euphoria of release. My body shuttered as I came, and I felt her arms wrap around me. I leaned against her, head on her chest,breathing heavy, pressing her body into the wall.

She brushed the hair from my sweaty face and kissed the tip of my nose."I love you baby."

" I love you too Sweetheart." I lightly kissed her lips.

She unwrapped herself from me and I carefully lowered her down, her legs shook.

" You ok?"

" I am more than ok Eddie. How are you? You were the one that really got a workout."

" My legs are on fucking fire." I laughed. " Today might be a good day for lounging around with a drink in my hand."

She smiled widely." That is the plan then! " she covered herself back up with her robe but I catch her eyes roaming over me ." Why don't we take a shower then go down and see what this place has to offer? "

" Sounds perfect." I lean forward and kiss her lips and we walk back into the room. Once inside I drop my robe and walk casually around the room naked, giving her a little show and she laughs.

" Harrington was right, your white as a ghost, you need some sun on those cheeks Munson."

" You keep telling me I need to wear sunblock -"

" Not those cheeks ," she walked up and slapped my ass, " These cheeks."

" Your nothing but fucking trouble Princess, but that's why I love you."

*************************************

Reader POV

The next couple days flew by in a blur. The resort was beautiful, the beach was beautiful and the man you got to enjoy it all with was fucking beautiful. The two of you laid in the sun, swam in the ocean, drank fruity tropical drinks and fucked like rabbits. It was amazing.These were memories you would always cherish. Like snorkeling and watching Eddie's head pop up in front of me." Holy shit! Did you see that school of fish swim by? That was fucking awesome!" He even looked adorable with goggles on.

You would walk along the beach, write your names in the sand, Eddie would draw a dick and see how long it would last before the waves would erase it. You would sit side by side in lounge chairs by the pool, reaching across and holding each others hands, and you loved rubbing suntan lotion on him when other women were looking his way, showing them that he belonged to you , because let's face it, he was fucking hot.

Island Eddie was absolutely gorgeous. Sun tanned skin, sunglasses perched on the bridge of his lightly freckled nose, swim trunks riding low on his hips,tattoos on full display and the hair, you were a sucker for the wind blown beachy waves . He looked like a god walking out of the water. And his smile, you had never seen him smile so much. He was relaxed, and carefree and sometimes tipsy, and it looked good on him.

And just when you thought he couldn't possibly get any sexier, he walked out onto the balcony ,hair tied back into a low messy bun and he was wearing a fitted shortsleeved black linen shirt with the first couple of buttons undone , two silver chains around his neck and cream colored dress pants. You jaw dropped, you had helped him pick it out, but you hadn't seen it on him.

" Holy shit. Eddie you look so goddamn sexy."

" I was about to say the same about you, Princess." He smiled and sweetly kissed your lips." You look stunning."

You had taken your time getting ready tonight , you wanted to look nice for Eddie so you spent extra time on your hair and makeup, selected a form fitting coral colored dress that you knew would enhance your tan, and heels that made your legs look amazing. It gave you butterflies when you saw Eddie's eyes slowly roaming over your body, and a smile slowly spreading across his face.

" If you like this baby, your really going to like what I have on underneath it." You bit your lip and smiled.

He pulled your body close." Your such a fucking tease. Can we skip this fancy dinner and go straight to dessert?" He smirked.

" Patience my pet." You leaned in and nibbled on his ear." I promise it will be worth it. Now the sooner we go down to dinner-"

" The sooner I can go down on you."

" Jesus Eddie," you took his hand and dragged him to the door." Let's go Loverboy."

*************************************

Dinner was beautiful. Candle lit with delicious food and sweet fruity wine that after two glasses made you super affectionate and giggly, not to mention extremely horny.

" Your so fucking adorable when your wine drunk Princess." Eddie held you close to his side as he unlocked the door to your room.

You curled into him and kissed his neck. " Will you still think I'm adorable when I have your dick in my mouth?"

He stopped for a second and looked at you." Holy shit , your super frisky tonight Sweetheart."

You giggled and smiled up at him. "Well? Will you?"

He opened the door and you both walked inside, he closed it behind you. " You would look especially adorable looking up at me with those big doe eyes and my dick in your mouth. But Sweetheart I was thinking that maybe I would-"

You cut him off with a kiss, you had been waiting all night to put your lips and hands all over him. It didn't take you long to unbutton his shirt and discard it on the floor. You walked him to the edge of the bed and he sat down ready to pull you down with him but you backed away. You licked your lips and reached behind, unzipping your dress and letting it fall to the floor.

" Holy fuck."

You stood before Eddie in a white lace Bustier and lace panties, and you could tell by the look on his face that he loved it.

" Holy Fuck , You look like a fucking Angel in white."

You dropped down to your knees in front of him and started unbuckling his belt and pants." I'm not going to look like an Angel in a minute." You smile devilishly at him and wink." Off with the pants big boy." He was quick to comply , his member springing out of his pants and hitting him in the stomach." I'm going to make you feel so good baby." You lean in an kiss his lips then work your way down his jaw, neck, chest, abs, leaving light , barely there pink prints from your lipstick as you go. You could feel his body shiver with anticipation and it gave you butterflies. Slowly you made your way to his now aching cock, you lick the tip, circling your tongue around it then licked the length, wrapped your hand around him and slowly started pumping .

" Fuuck," he moaned as you took him into your mouth, swirling your tongue as you bob your head slowly back and forth taking in as much as you possibly can. When you look up and lock eyes with him you can see the pleasure on his face and it's enough to make your panties wet.

" Your so goddamn beautiful, your fucking mouth," he groaned. " Jesus, feels so good darling, but as good as it feels, Mmmm, I don't want to cum yet, fuck, I want to cum inside you."

That was music to your ears, and you pull off him with a loud pop. You needed relief from the throbbing between your legs. Eddie leans down to kiss you the helps you up to your feet, and once standing he slides your lacy panties down and you step out of them.

You push him back on the bed , and straddle him, not wasting any time you slowly lower yourself down on him and moan.

" Eddie, baby, you feel so good." You start moving slowly at first, savoring the feeling of being filled, then it's not enough and you pick up the pace. He thrusted up into you and you gasped.

" You look so fucking gorgeous riding my cock."

You run your fingernails lightly down his chest, and see goosebumps pop up on his skin. You lean down and kiss him and he reaches up and takes your face in his hands.

" You've got to be an Angel Sweetheart , because your pussy,is fucking Heaven."

" Mmmm, Eddie, " you take his hands in yours , kiss his palms then place them on your breast, he traces the lace of your bustier with his thumbs and he gives them a squeeze.You sit up straight and start to bounce on his cock. " You feel so good inside me baby, mmmm, getting s-so close."

" I want to see you fall apart Princess,I want to watch you cum." He slid his hands from your breast ,down your waist and grabbed onto your hips.

You could feel the pleasure building,a wave of ecstasy washing over you as your orgasm hit you hard.

" That's my girl, that's my good fucking girl." He moved your hips with his big hands and thrusted again, and you could tell by his movements and his groans that he had reached his peak and you moved with him to ride it out.

You collapsed on top of him , breathing heavy and he brushed your hair out of your face and kissed your forehead.

" Your amazing Sweetheart. This whole Vacation has been amazing, Thank you for sharing this with me."

You turn your head to face him and smile down at him. " I wouldn't want to share it with anyone else." You run your fingers through his hair ." I can't believe tomorrow is our last day."

" We will need to make the most of it."

And you did. You went to all the shops and bought souvenirs for all your friends and family ( Eddie picked a mug for Wayne to add to his collection.) and you walked hand in hand on the beach and to your surprise Eddie took you out dancing, and actually danced.

" Eddie! I had no idea you could dance like this!"

" I couldn't, I had Harrington give me a lesson or two but swore him to absolute secrecy, I have a reputation to live up to. I told him I would kick his ass if anyone found out." He smiled.He spun you then dipped you and pulled you up for a kiss." I wanted to surprise you."

That he did. You stayed out for hours dancing, and drinking and laughing and then went back to the resort and made love.

The next morning when you boarded the plane Eddie seemed much more relaxed about the flight. He even became an official member of the Mile High Club. It was the perfect way to end your perfect trip.

#munnysummergame #eddie munson #eddie munson smut #eddie fanfic

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thebirdandthebee · 1 year

Text

Easy As

A Carmen Berzatto Universe

A short little one for your Saturday morning :)

Vanessa Monaghan is the breath of fresh air that Carmen had been gasping for.

Page 7: Manscape

“I hardly see how this is necessary,” Carmen groaned, pinned to the carpet of Vanessa’s living room.

“Can you please just trust me?” She asked, settling on his chest with her knees under each of his armpits. “Just hold my ass so you have something to squeeze because you’re not gonna like it.”

“How much am I not gonna like it?” He winced as she got closer and closer to his face with her sharp tweezers.

“It’s only going to last a minute, I swear,” she promised. “You’ve just got a few stragglers that are detracting from your gorgeous face.”

“I think that’s the first time anyone’s called me gor – Jesus Christ, Vanessa,” he cursed as she victoriously held up a stray brow hair.

“That was a big one,” she said informatively, “the worst is behind us.”

“How can you fuckin’ know, huh?” He furrowed the brows in question.

“Relax your face, Carm, I gotta see what I’m working with,” she tapped his nose. He squeezed her hips tightly as she plucked out three quickly succession.

“Stop, stop, stop!” He begged.

“Baby, I love you so much, but you need to not be such a pussy,” she said, hands on her hips. “Count to forty in your head and by the end, we’ll be all finished.”

“What if I like my eyebrows?” He crowed.

“You mean your unibrow?” She said plainly, effectively silencing him. Vanessa worked quickly and efficiently, ignoring the intermittent hisses Carmen would let out. “Almost done baby, I promise,” she continued. “Count down from 10.”

Carmen counted down from 10, but made it to -4 by the time she finished. Prying his eyes open again, Vanessa smiled.

“Carm!” She cooed, “your eyes are watering,” she ran her soft hands down his face. “All finished, handsome.”

“Of course my eyes are watering, my hair is supposed to stay were it is!” He wound up his hand to smack five fingers across her ass. She laughed, bouncing on his sternum in the slightest.

“It’s am improvement baby, I promise, you look positively, down-right sexy,” she cupped his face in her hands. “I’ve been doing that every two weeks since I was 16 years old, you can handle once a month.” She rattled off, squealing as he sat up, sending her tumbling into his lap.

“Once a month?” He looked at her skeptically.

“Now imagine I forcefully ripped your pubes off with a wax strip,” she shrugged innocently. She watched Carmen’s throat bob.

“My? Mine is fine, right? I don’t need – you’re not saying –” He stuttered out.

“No, no, you’re good there baby, I like the way you manscape,” she said, kissing his lips gently. “I haven’t missed a wax appointment in years,” she finished.

“Y’know, you don’t have to… take it all off,” he shrugged. “I don’t mind.” Vanessa grinned, kissing Carmen again.

“You’re so sweet, but I don’t do it for you,” she laughed, getting up from the floor. “I do it for me,” she shrugged. “Planning on getting it all lasered off this winter.”

“Lasered?” Carmen’s eyes grew comically wide.

“Come on, lover boy, let’s get some moisturizer on that skin,” she held a hand out.

Fifteen minutes later, they were sitting in bed, Vanessa laying back against Carmen’s chest as they watched Jurassic Park – each donning a set of under eye patches and treating their skin with Vitamin C serum.

“Why is Laura Dern so hot?” Vanessa asked, reaching over and picking up her can of Dr. Pepper, sipping it slowly through her straw. “Why is everyone so hot?”

“The 90’s,” Carmen commented, taking her drink and pulling a sip of his own.

“True,” Vanessa agreed. She relaxed against him, their intertwined fingers playing with one another, and Carmen couldn’t help but think he’d like to do this for the rest of his life.

#carmen berzatto smut #carmen berzatto #carmen berzatto x ofc #carmen berzatto x oc #carmy smut #carmy fluff #carmy the bear #carmy berzatto #carmy x oc #the bear hulu #the bear

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sapphire-weapon · 8 months

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Sorry to bring more discourse to your blog, but it's about the whole "problematic" shipling thing, because it's a part of older RE plot, that absolutely does my head in. It doesn't fucking make sense. We can talk ALL day about how Leon is canonically responsible for genocides. It's canon that these things have happened because he never has the backbone to finish the job or manage his feelings like a grown adult. It's an interesting talk, but it's NEVER (or very barely) addressed that way in the actual material. His whole "turn the other cheek, because he needs a vague romance" trope is really just one massive fucking plot hole and I don't know why people aren't completely pissed about it. His messy narrative is one of my least favourite things in the series. It almost turns me off of his games and movies entirely. I enjoyed REmake, 7 and 8 the most because at least the characters add up. Their motivations are clear. It's a fully formed story and we know who does what and why. They just haven't fucking done that with Leon. They can't decide on whether to flesh him out properly or to keep throwing him early naughts b-movie tropes that arguably, just make him less likeable (to me).

Sorry for the rant. But holy shit. Anything about his character outside of "I'm angry, let's shoot" has been fucking terrible, in my eyes. They have no idea what to do with him. His choices constantly fucking contradict themselves. He's like a nonstop, unstable "what to doooo?" asshole and I DON'T KNOW WHY ANYONE ELSE ISN'T MAD ABOUT THE CONSTANT PLOT HOLES AND SENSELESS BULLSHIT THIS CHARACTER DOES I HONESTLY DON'T UNDERSTAND HOW HE BECAME MORE POPULAR THAN CHRIS, CLAIRE, WESKER, HUNNIGAN, ETHAN AND JILL OTHER THAN "HE HAS COOL BANGS AND TELLS JOKES SOMETIMES" LIKE WHAT?

I know I'll get roasted and shredded for saying it, but jesus christ man, it's such an enormous pet peeve of mine. I just want the remakes to finish their job of understanding that Leon hasn't been written well and he's gotta be fixed. That Ashley actually has a whole load of potential and Ada has only ever been an empty, racist and sexist stereotype that can't be fixed unless they bother to actually write any sort of story for her other than "sexy Asian is mean sometimes, but her terrorism is okay because the emo boy kissed her this one time and has known her for a combined 15 hours."

Phew. I am mad. I'm sorry for exposing you to this. I've only gotten into RE like less than a year ago and the stupidity and lack of literacy and analysis in this fucking fanbase is crazy to me. If I see one more "sibling coded toxic age gap, Leon is flawless omg ashley little girl so silly" post I'm going to shave my head. Even my phone is glitching because it can't keep up with my seemingly very unpopular rager.

homie i'mma need u to fuckin breathe and understand that this is the same series where the only reason that the main villain ever had to hate the main protagonist was the fact that the main protagonist laughed at his science project -- and then that detail was retconned out of the remake, and now there's no reason for wesker to hate chris at all, actually.

this is the same series that killed off its main villain way too prematurely, realized immediately that they fucked up by doing it, and, instead of just retconning it and bringing him back, they tried to "oops! all weskers!" it, then didn't know what to do with that, then just decided to write it so that he had a son, but then nobody liked him, either, and now they're just going FUCK IT LET'S JUST REMAKE THE WHOLE THING.

this is the same series that is so unabashedly and unrepentantly racist that it sends its white american protagonist into the heart of africa, whereabouts he encounters a village with actual mud huts in it, where the townspeople are dressed in actual tribal clothing, and they chuck actual literal spears at him.

this is the same series where the creators openly admitted to not allowing their main female protagonist to visibly age because they thought it'd hurt their bottom line.

this is the same series where the objectively best title in it has a story that's so fucking bad that the dude who wrote and directed it said that he'd only support a remake of it if the remake fixed his shitty fucking story and actually told a good one.

this is the same series where rachel fucking foley exists and is meant to be taken seriously.

this is the same series where a dude fucking a spider is, questionably and arguably, canon.

leon is not remotely the worst part of resident evil's storytelling, nor is ada the most offensively racist part of it. THE ENTIRE NARRATIVE OF RESIDENT EVIL IS NONSENSE DOG GARBAGE. leon and ada are just par for the course.

if you are not a raccoon and/or opossum who enjoys gorging yourself on garbage, perhaps resident evil is not the series for you.

that's why they called it raccoon city in the first place.

because the playerbase must inevitably be filled with raccoons, because only raccoons would enjoy the sheer amount of garbage that the story throws at them.

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batxmasisrjuice · 1 year

Text

Workin that dress!

....

When he finds out you have a crush on him 💚 (knuckle bite)

Full video here

Thanks @hoodoo12 💚💚💚

#knuckle bite #jesus christ why you gotta be so sexy #alex workin that dress #alex brightman #beetlejuice #beetlejuice musical #beetlejuice broadway #beetlegeuse #beetlejuice bway #beetlejuice the musical #body language #beetlejuice halloween

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clarajohnson · 5 months

Text

the magicians s1e13

yes i put this one off i wasn't ready yet

i love when the recaps just give everything away it's so cute of them ohhhh the watcherwoman you say? god i wonder who that is. oh jane chatwin is important you say? that's interesting.

i love that q gets into fillory and within days is like alright guess i should write an unauthorized sequel to fillory and further

"no, i just stabbed my own hand" YOU wanted the fantasy protagonist lifestyle YOU have to deal with the common risk of blood sacrifice

BOOOOO FUCK YOU EMBER EVERYBODY HATES EMBER

loveeeee the .02% opium also love "a pretty unfair way to get you to love a place" i love the way he thinks of things you neurotic little freak

NOTHING better than the way q says "nnnnbitches" in i am in that scene, bitches

(speaking to the magicians showrunners) by all means, hinge your entire quest on a traumatized boy

every knife scene is a tease until my beloved wife fen appears

you are from a place that likes murder!

it is so obvious as to almost be lazy that the watcherwoman would be q's favorite fillory villain

jesus christ i love that q is the volunteer tomato. he would be. he really would be, he cannot resist jumping into danger if the purpose is to save the things he loves.

the memory patch :-((((((

"margo being such a bitch." oh eliot waugh you are so dear to me

q's narration is pretty fun for this episode i like it quite a bit

this is a funny stage of the team assembly, the way they resist julia's inclusion when actually julia is going to be very important to everyone (i am making this up just because i like julia)

the leo blade is pretty sexy i appreciate it

TIME FOR FEN

oh wait i forgot it's a different fen :-( see you soon my beloved

"i admit i was 100% sure that i was definitely the high king. i know! shocking, right?" fucking crazy that we have to watch him experience total ego death while eliot is making stoner jokes

season one eliot still agreeing to marry fen despite all the fine print is so shocking when you think about it, like, i forget the kind of guy he starts out as, and the "my life, it doesn't work" speech is like a total shove into character development that moves so quickly and immediately blooms and is so instantly rewarding. man when this show is good it's good.

"i think you're the only person that i can stand"

these chapter titles make me believe that q is not a good writer. i imagine his fillory fics were not highly rated.

"father-in-law, why is this blade a thousand degrees?"

mrs. me !!!!!

i will say this. and this is a kind of spoilsport opinion i know this. i do not like the whole ember's jizz plot and i find it very gross and demeaning and unnecessary, not that any of this is necessary, just that this specific element feels chosen to be a gross-out.

"can you be the champion we've been waiting for? "i want to be." whew there it is!

ONCE AGAIN FUCK EMBER FUCK EMBER FOREVER !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

me when i hate the character the show wants me to hate :-o >:-(

i completely forgot plover was in the dungeon lmao you know what let martin be a little bit more of the beast !!!!!! yeah poor you !!!!

most pathetic boy in the world voice: i know you don't want to hear it right now but i love you

quentin coldwater has the craziest fucking self-esteem anyone has ever had it goes in all directions and fluctuates hourly

you're not as good as i hoped, quentin coldwater.

please not the glowing eyes jesus christ

whewwwwwwwwww the reynard scene is always going to get to me sooooo fucking bad jesus jesus jesus

"trickster of the faithful and the pure of heart" i gotta be honest i don't know what mythology reynard is part of but i don't know what the purpose of a god like that would be. this guy seems like a burnt pancake to me.

horrible. horrible!

it's so wild that she called marina. i like that she did that i just think it's crazy. and it's a really interesting aspect of marina's character too! "jesus, julia, i wanna help." the girl is not an asshole we just hate women with boundaries JOKING she IS an asshole but i do think sometimes women are allowed to be.

love that penny expands his powers with stick-and-pokes

i believe, because i want to, that there is some significance to julia going into the wellspring last.

i forgot martin is UGGOOOOO

you know i think the way this show frames the forty timelines, for q at least, is as a kind of suicide mission, which i really feel like pushing against. i don't see q as a character outlined by despair or futility i think he's all about hope and perseverance and i think that's beautiful and it's what i want for him!

shit i completely forgot about jules teaming up with the beast for a minute oh julia you're a crazy lady

shows don't have the kind of security to end a season with five out of six main characters bleeding out and absolutely no resolution anymore

#god i love this show so much #unauthorized magicians rewatch #the magicians #text

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crimsonandcloverwrites · 1 year

Text

BHAH CHAPTER 12 IT'S TIME TO CRY

just wanna say, from the bottom of my heart, buzzy and roman I would die for you thank you for my LIFE

NOT NANS COTTAGE. maximum emotional damage hours right off the bat

god the hill house vibes jamie get out before this place tries to eat u

"Thought for the longest time that I’d never get either of you back.” bruh

Jamie fixing up her old bike for Mikey's birthday at the O'Mara's house. specifically designed in a lab to make me cry

"put out of its misery with a thousand blows to the head with a shovel" is so gruesome I read it like 3 times until I remembered that Jamie actually did that in the middle of some serious grieving jesus

mike calling jamie dani and mikey 'the family' hold on a minute man hold on a minute

dani and mikey snoozing together HOLD ON A MINUTE MAN HOLD ON A MINUTE

god jamie is such a softie this whole chapter is just her trying not to cry with how much she loves people (and is loved in return)

oh boy the eddie jamie showdown

oof my poor son boy

holy fuck this whole confrontation is intense

"After all, why bring home a haunting, a gutter rat from the wrong side of the tracks, half feral and half broken, when the golden boy was right there." how dare u use the title against me like this

"I was mad for her from the start." “We were her best friends. If you fell for her, then how could I not?" hooooooly feelings

jamie saying all this to eddie and not dani. lmao. lol. rofl, even.

grocery shopping together............. intimacy...........

"What if I want more?" Dani being able to ask that now is so important to me that's my baby she's doin so good!!!!!! letting herself love people!!!!!

dfgkjhfkjghfkjh Jackie my beloved

"Jamie made an explicit gesture with her hands" screaming this whole interaction is so fucking funnyyyyyy. in the GROCERY STORE. fucking commedians the both of u

Dani Clayton picking a car by colour and nothing else she's so relateable

horny in a car dealership lot so true! i mean jamie with these practical car skills is v hunky u are so right dani

DANI HAS HER OWN CAR AGAIN. FREEDOM HAS NEVER BEEN SO SEXY

they're so domestic ugh (affectionate)

"I WANT YOU TO WATCH" FKSDJFKJDFH YEEHAW

“I think it would’ve been nice learning with you.” is so soft excuse me while I get emosh in the middle of this sex scene

every day this fic gives me my horny rights *pray hands emoji*

fgkjdfhgkjhdfkjh Judy telling them to take some alone time she said go work out that sexual frustration u horny lesbians

“Just because I didn’t realise it, doesn’t mean I didn’t have romantic feelings.” awww

dangerous dani clayton!!!! she needs to focus on the road!!!!!

"“Jesus fucking Christ,” Jamie said." SAME GIRL

lmao holy shit I love these idiots

nan..... jamie..... ouch

mikey meeting Dani's dad........ gotta go sob for 45mins hang on

Jamie growing Nan's favourite flowers just for her...... the amount of Nan that's in Jamie makes my heart cry

this fic is so like, full of love and really sweet moments but I love that you infuse these little moments of horror imagery in a 'life can be good but we carry around so many ghosts of troubled pasts in us' kinda way. good soup

“You be good. I love you.” i am crying.

sdfjdhfgjdghfjg how is jamie in shock don't tell me u didn't already know u enormous idiot.

I LOVE THE WAY WOMEN LOVE

pls they're so fucking cuuuute

not 'with every piece of me left' ow my heart

i can't believe what them telling each other i love you is doing to me. the power of live laugh lesbians

oh my god Judy i love u

dfjkgdfkjghdfkj Dani dressed for maximum Jamie short-circuiting is my favourite nuclear weapon

Dani "smiling at her as if trying to hold it back" top 10 anime victories

Dani finally getting her horny art room fantasies sfkjghfkjghfkjg oh boy

“You could have brought me here.” I AM LOOKING AWAY THIS IS TOO MUCH FOR ME. bold dani you will be the death of both of us

“I want to fuck you at home.” wholesome <3

whew I too need a cigarette rn Jackie

ooOOOOooooOo Eddie's got a girlfriend

oof poor eddie and dani though I hope they can be friends again one day they deserve it

jamie in full simp mode is so fun good for u babe

God these necklaces I'm obsessed with Dani wearing hers actually. and these two getting to go out together n be gay n in love in public!!!

jamie oh my god???!? horny rights

i am shaking like a chihuahua

“Surprise," sdfkjghdfkjghiudfhgiuerhgkjdhkjfg

"Jamie: suffering" FUCKIN SAME BRO

aww everyone singing happy birthday to the best girl!!! deserved!!! just as deserved as I'm sure the rest of this night is going to go lmao

DFGKJDFKHG ROBIN. doesn't miss a beat huh?? also i hear she's single can I get her number

jesus christ dani clayton I'm about to drive off the road and I'm not even behind a wheel

Jamie Taylor u are a stronger woman than I will ever be

“You wanna make out for a bit?” pls they're so cute

dfkgjkjdfkh princess. iconic

the "nice" that just left my mouth at Dani in lingerie who are u making me become

“I’ll be whatever the fuck you want me to be, love.” so true! me *handshake emoji* jamie

losing my got dang mind

i love that these two are so comfortable with each other it's so so so lovely to see after all the yearning bruh look at them go

“At my mercy.” i feel drunk. i need to go build a hammock

a thousand points to jamie taylor for being strapped and ready for anything and Dani for being outrageously bold and horny this whole scene was so iconic

oof Karen Clayton

Mikey seventeen the dancing queen? they grow up so fast

oof Dani bby getting into it with her. god she's so poisonous

NOT THE LETTERS

Jamie just patiently loving her while she works her way through this oh love

oh my god the box

dfgkjhdkjhgkjfh the mixtape. heart on your sleeve softie jamie taylor

wait was dani wearing Jamie's half dollar necklace earlier??? cute bastards

“They’ve always been yours.” JUST LIKE DANI'S HEART OH I AM SHATTERED

“You kept me here, remember?” This is like The Notebook level romance but better bc lesbians

and now I'm crying bc they get their happy ending. so much heartache but they still found their way back to each other

"My sweet Jamie" 😭😭😭😭

they just love each other so much how am I supposed to cope????????????

they way they've created this little family full of so much love after coming from broken homes and rough pasts makes me ache so much

sdfkjdfhkg god Jamie is such a tease lmao. have fun girls!

THESE PHOTOS!?!??! OH MY GOD

good for themmmmmm

loving the vast array of fucking we get in this chapter!!!! giving the people what they want (Jamie's |redacted| in Dani's--I am forcefully removed from the premises)

this is not the point but oh my god Jamie building Dani a bookshelf....... romance

Jamie providing Mikey with such a nurturing and stable environment that he excelled academically like this.... my boy..... my beloved Jamie. aaaaahhhhhhhhh.

also SO fond of Jamie Carson shenanigans more more more.

god but Jamie's so scared to let go of her not so baby brother. bigger AAAAAAAHHHHHHHH

crying again bc I'm so close to the end and this fic is almost over :(

both of em having to talk to their boys dfkjhgkfj godspeed

genuinely not doing well Jamie and Mikey's relationship is so special and I'm so glad they found each other and they have each other and I can't cope!!! with all these emotions!!!!

EVERYONE COMING TOETHER TO EAT. IT'S SO BEAUTIFUL. THIS WONDERFUL WEIRD LITTLE FAMILY.

the kids all still fighting like they're teenagers though dgkjdfhkjhdg iconic

the simple intimacy of doing the dishes together....

ANOTHER MIXTAPE??? GIMME THE LINK. also that's cute as fuck love is stored in the carefully curated playlists

Jamie is her home..........

BITCH HOW AM I MEANT TO SAY GOODBYE TO THIS FIC. Ok I'm gonna go cry to Jamie's Mixtape (1993)

"if I loved you less I might be able to talk about it more" - me about this fic (however many words of silly waffling this post is doesn't count!!! I'm hiding the real feelings behind humour!!!!). but actually really sincerely genuinely buzzy and roman thank you so much for sharing this fic with us all and making us yearn and laugh and cry and fall in love with them all over again. unmatched.

#bhah #this was pure emotional torture thanks x

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