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daz4i · 2 months

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ok ok rather than make a bunch of annoying vent posts i'm just gonna put everything on my mind all in one post to let it out 🔥 you absolutely do not need to read this, this is honestly so ridiculously long. my brain better feel clean for like at least 2 days after this fr

i knew i was gonna crash after this week and i think this is it 🥲 i was so tense for literally a whole week (even more tbh, bc i was preemptively scared of how much i have to do too) and i think the adrenaline drop kicked in after the peak of this one (aka being in a big social event. haven't been to one of those in literal years)

also. my parents have been sick this week and i think i maybe have contracted it too? 😭 if that is indeed the case it literally kicked in in the last like hour of the event, i was perfectly fine beforehand bc i avoided being in the same closed space as them when i could (aka kept my distance or made sure windows were open around me all the time jic). bc suddenly my whole body hurts like it hasn't in a long while. tho that might be the adrenaline crash too who knows 🥲 ig i'll see how i feel when i wake up

i have not been creative in awhile and i can feel my brain drowning in gunk lol. technically i tried writing songs a couple of times lately but they came out so bad i can't finish them. or anything. and i feel like shit abt failing to create literally anything. and i keep seeing people be creative and make so much or sharing their work fearlessly and it's always so much better than mine too that i'm burning with jealousy that i can't turn off (and can't channel into my own creation bc well. it comes out shitty! so the cycle not only continues but in fact gets worse each time). every time someone tells me i'm good it feels like they're lying to make me feel better or bc they love me so they're. biased and see everything i make as good bc it's me, so i can't count that. every time *i* feel like smth i made is good there's some glaring imperfection i don't know how to iron out so i start hating the whole piece. i don't know how to become better when every time i try to practice i end up wanting to claw my own eyes out as punishment for being so talentless and dumb

(the dumb thing too is. oh my god this is gonna sound so silly but. i try to make myself feel better by solving puzzles or trivia or riddles etc bc these are things i'm usually good at. but lately i can't be proud of myself for succeeding at any of them, and i keep beating myself harder for every time i fail or don't do as well as i used to, bc it feels like i'm failing at the only thing i'm supposed to be good at. also i just generally keep doing stupid things lately esp when it comes to my time management or taking care of my body in various ways, i keep forgetting things which is smth i almost never do, i struggle to get through conversations with others bc i trip over my words or make mistakes constantly, generally i'm just being stupid in various ways)

right now i am. so anxious. about so many things. here let me just make it into a list starting with very small to. probably still small but it feels big to me

1. this is so silly but. i am literally too tired to put small earrings back in after changing them to long one for the party. and i'm scared the holes will close up in my sleep. but this is literally so much work 💔 idk if the holes haven't healed properly or if i'm using the wrong metal so i keep getting infections bc it's been A While (two years. apparently. maybe more??) and they haven't healed yet. like i said a silly thing to get stressed over but i am. very tense

2. i don't know. if the people i knew in the party actually didn't recognize me or if they ignored me on purpose. bc i stood next to some of them while my besties were talking to them too and they didn't even say hi (or like introduced themselves the way others that i didn't know have done). one of them was literally my bestie for a good few months a few years ago and even tho i grew a beard i. don't think i changed THAT much??? also i don't think it's hard to make the connection abt who i am given how tight this community is. someone i haven't talked to since like 2015 bc we had beef recognized me even. so how come they didn't. i met one in a con recently and she did recognize me so. h. did i do something wrong. did someone say smth bad about me. i don't know i don't understand social rules enough to figure it out 😭

3. this is another thing abt that tbh 🥲 while it was very fun and a super cool event, it did remind me very painfully of why my social anxiety is so bad 😭 i felt like i made 10 social errors per minute. i didn't know what to say half the time so i just smiled or laughed and i think that made me seem creepy idk. a lot of people were very nice and i think i did mostly fine with them but also maybe not. idk. i am definitely overthinking things but what if i'm right. it's not that out of the question. i am known to fail social interactions there's a reason why i do my best to avoid them

4. and this is kinda bringing me to a thing i have on my mind a lot recently. bc i'm doing the recovery thing. and a lot of people - friends family and professionals who help me there - tell me i am capable of more than i think or admit. and i get WHY they think that bc i *am* doing a lot compared to the literal nothing i've been up to for years. but i am very much pushing outside my limits, which is why i'm constantly feeling like shit lately i think (not that i was doing great before but. yeah). it probably seems mostly effortless bc i just do them without beating much around the bush but that's only when i mentally prepare myself days or even weeks ahead (for reference, i'm talking about things like. being in public. or taking a bus). or the work i do for projects that... honestly idk how i'm doing that either. i am the laziest person ever and i have no ability to concentrate yet i managed to sit down and do work and do it well and learn text by heart and research and write for hours and ??? it does not feel like myself. but it also kinda does bc i need to very forcefully push myself into it and berate myself for hours until i actually get up to do anything so. it's not smth that comes naturally to me. i don't consider myself capable of things. i'm just very good at pretending i'm unbothered (up until i start crying uncontrollably at least lol) so ppl think i am. unfortunately. bc then they expect me to do more. or they pressure me into it then get disappointed when i can't do it (ig that's the core of it for me... i don't want anyone to develop expectations about me, bc i know i won't be able to meet them, at least not long term. so i insist i can't do anything, bc sometimes - often - i really really can't. i don't wanna be judged by my best. feels false to even call it that tbh. but that's bc it's so rare, it's the best for a reason, the absolute peak i can get to, as pathetic as it is. bc the problem is, when this is already beyond my limits, i literally can't go further, but that's what they want me to do 💔)

5. god. this is also a small thing probably but the accidental lie i mentioned. for context i am giving a lecture abt p5's mythology in the next con, that's the thing i was working on lately. anyway when i signed up i gave background information about myself, and to make myself sound more fitting for the job i said that i learned the topic in [university that specializes in said topic] bc i did - just. 2 classes. that's it. i was telling the truth there, technically (most of my knowledge on the topic comes from independent research, but the classes i took did help with that too, as in i knew where to look for info and things to look out for) (also for reference i'm gonna be fr. i did not finish these classes. social anxiety got to me and i was scared to go to anything outside zoom lessons which weren't an option anymore unfortunately)

ANYWAY when they told me i got in they sent me a "revised" bio which was just what i originally sent them, so i said okay. but now the whole thingie was posted and i can see my bio there and. they said i graduated from [uni] and used language that implies i have a degree in it, probably to make me sound more credible, but it's not true!!!! 😭😭😭 the thing i said was definitely embellishment but it WAS true enough that if asked directly about it i could spin it somehow ("oh i haven't finished yet" "yeah i took a couple of classes when i could to enrich my knowledge") but this. makes it so much harder

chances are i won't be asked bc why would anyone ask abt that. but ever since i started writing the script i was so stressed about people calling me out for being wrong abt info, so i even added a disclaimer of "these are old texts that have many versions that vary according to location or were changed with time uwu if you know a different version of this story that's probably why uwu" and "due to the time constraint i'm giving a very simplified and short version of this topic uwu" bc given that i'm talking a lot abt judaism. to a mainly (or most likely, entirely) jewish audience. it's enough that there is someone who is religious or previously ultra orthodox in the audience that if i make a mistake they could point it out. and then i'll start panicking and lose my train of thought and fuck everything up while i'm already so stressed as is and-

so like i've been super stressed abt all that^ until now but that misinfo in my bio is raising the stakes for me 😭 bc now what if someone who went to this uni and majored in this topic calls me out on never seeing me there. or they can tell the info i'm giving isn't smth that's taught there or isn't the way it's taught there. this is such a specific and unlikely fear but i can't not stress about it because TECHNICALLY it's possible, it COULD happen even if that's not too likely

6. all of this is while i'm also struggling with bureaucracy around that art program i'm signing up to, idk if i'll get in yet or not bc i need some files to be approved and idk if they would, and idk what i'll do if they don't. or what if they do! i'm honestly so scared to start it, idk how i'm gonna go from nothing to waking up early and driving an hour 4 times a week to be active and around people for a few hours. tbh i don't think i can, but also if this gets approved then i have to, so the government's money doesn't get flushed down the toilet bc of me.

7. all this shit has a major impact on my physical health 🥲 not getting into details bc that's def tmi territory but. i'm fighting for my life over a certain stress-caused medical thing for weeks now. only other time i had it was when the war originally started so naturally i was extra stressed then, but like, this is to give you a reference for how majorly stressed i am now. my regular pains are flaring up more often too which makes things harder to handle as well (like, stressing abt not doing enough work, bc i'm literally in too much pain to do anything but lie down. or being scared of the plans i have for the week bc what if these pains catch me when i'm outside or with people. how am i supposed to push through them. what if they catch me when i'm in public and i have to sit down in the middle of the street. what if i'm with people and i'm holding them back from doing smth bc of that. etc etc)

8. ofc all this is happening during the war and i keep seeing things i really don't wanna see from ppl in my country and the west 🥲 and it's like, the mix of guilt over this happening at all, and the frustration over feeling like i have nothing to do about it, and fear about how things are gonna escalate in either direction, and seeing friends from other countries posting things i agree with but can't condone full heartedly bc well. this'll hurt me directly, as selfish as it sounds (tbf, when i say hurt me directly, i'm talking about me and my loved ones' lives being endangered), but also seeing said loved ones talking about things i can't agree with morally, yet can't fully refute either because life is. complicated. i have a lot more to say tbh but i'm too tired to acknowledge every single facet of every single related issue which will open me to a lot of hate so. best to leave it here. unfortunately

idk where to put this. sorry for the sudden topic change. it feels bad to be stressed over that but, there is a guy who i know likes me like a lot. i think i'm like exactly his taste and he's always so excited about seeing or talking to me. one of my besties - or maybe more. idk - really wants us to get together bc tbh it'll probably be good for both of us, and y'all know how desperate i am to be loved lol. but i can't bring myself to like him the way he likes me 💔 he's fun but i have a hard time with one on one interactions so i can't really progress things and tbh, idk if i'm currently in a mindset where i even should, given all that^. also i know for a fact i can't handle an actual relationship, and i'm scared i'll disappoint him or drive him away if i'll be my real unfiltered self, and ik i need to be obsessed with someone to get attached this quickly but i can't force it either. and to put it more directly... i'm perfect for him and his taste, but not the other way around 🥲 (tho tbf idk what my taste even is. i identify as aroace for a reason). i don't wanna string him along but i think i already kind of am 😭 i like him but not as much as he likes me, but what i probably like here even more is the feeling of being liked. and that makes me feel like a dick. i also feel guilty for not liking him the same way ig even tho ik it's stupid bc it's not like i can control it. and yet

so yeah this is. a lot of shit. all at once. both silly and not silly at all. my brain is in constant overload. i get violently suicidal every time i have a moment alone with my thoughts or when i see anything that reminds me of that. bc all this stress makes life feel so impossible - it IS impossible - that i can't handle the thought of it, but half of the things that cause me stress are supposed to be for the purpose of distracting me from how stressful everything is. so. what the fuck am i supposed to do about all that. how am i supposed to live like at all

#vent #this was written very out of order #i don't expect anyone to read this but if you do. 1 sorry 2 are you okay 3 i love you #it feels better to post things than to just write them in a doc yknow??#not sure why. maybe it's the feeling of not being alone with these thoughts ig. or getting some external validation #it did help tho. i feel like i can actually go to sleep now maybe. wow #edit: holy shit i just checked. this took nearly 2 hours to type. wtf. damn guess i really needed that akdkglhlj #btw if you do read this you gotta like this post 🧐 so. i know. bc i like knowing. sorry

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cosmosees · 11 months

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ok i finally feel coherent enough to post my spiderverse thoughts. theyll be under the cut and ill tag this post "atsv spoilers!" (as well as anything else i rb.) if you havent seen the movie id advise against checking the notes as well jic someone replies

so like. first of all what the fuck. i was fucking slackjawed from the last 30 minutes of the movie starting to getting home and sitting down. absolutely MASTERFUL movie in every way imaginable. i dont have the words in my head rn but its just. GOD. fuck. i will be buying the artbook when it comes out

individual points:

-i really really do love the curtains are blue style gwen trans allegory good fucking god. WHAT THE FUCK shes so good. by no means the main character (i was actually kind of worried when thebmovie started like i do love her im glad she got some shit but ibwas like...is this gonna be from her pov the whole time when miles is here...it wasnt!) but i adored her in this shes so ficking full of issues

-HOBIE. HOBIE MY FRIEND HOBIE. i really enjoy his presence in the movie- when hes mentioned once or twice before appearing i thought hed have a rivalry with miles but that was absolutely not the case. in retrospect its really funny that miguel grabbed him for his fucked up spiderverse shit giving that his entire MO is anarchism but if he were not there miles would absolutely be hurt or worse. im INCREDIBLY excited to see what they do with him in the next movie- especially because i can kind of see him as a parallel to aaron in a way? such free spirits ...artistic .... also i dont have as much to say about him but god pativr is so good i love him. i LOVE HIM

-peni was my favorite character in the first movie when i was younger but i had since grown like...worried about her showing up in future movies because of her stereotypical portrayal. its probably too early to give a clear for now nor is it my place to comment on the actual content of that BUT for what its worth she seemed much more faithful to the comics' tone in this movie- it seems that the implication was that peni experienced her comic run in between movies? her mech and outfit are far different. she was fucking HAGGARD when she first showed up. ham and noir coming back in the next movie will be nice but i do hope that they replace hams voice actor.

-miguel is so fucjing fascinating. people either seem to desire him carnally or hope he dies and im definitrly not in the former and im like.....nnnot entirely in the latter. intetesting character excited to see where he goes! what the FUCK was his problem though. you are a GROWN MAN trying to tear a 15 year old asunder because hes like hey i dojt want to stand idly by and watch my dad perish dude. he sucks and is horrible and i want to study him. jessica also really but she seems less fucked up and more like...willing ti take care of her responsibilites despite the emotional toll. excited to see if they clash more in part 2

-i dont even have the words to describe the animation but everyrhing is so beautiful. a few characters have sketch guidelines on them despite being 3d! the first fight scene of the movie contains a chararacter from a fucking da vinky world and hes in sepiatone and its fucking GORGOEUS.

-miles. ohhhhhh milesmilesmilesmiles saving the best for last. what do i even say man the progression of his arc, the way the smallest action of his from the first movie set off a massive chain of events, the turmoil he goes through and comes out stronger. his PARENTS. HIS RELATIONSHIP TO THEM HIS WORRY FOR THEM. i nearly screamed when he went in the wrong universe and aaron was there, AND HIS DAD WAS DEAD, THE THING HE WAS TRYING TO PREVENT. AND THEN ALTERNATE MILES BEING THE PROWLER. IS THE IMPLCIATION THAT EARTH 42 MILES WOULDVE BEEN THAT UNIVERSES SPIDERMAN BUT BECAISE THE SPIDER LEFT HE BECAME THE FUCKING PROWLER???? FUCK MAN!!!!! i need to see him thriving i hope he gets home okay. amazing movie amaaasizinngngnnn

#cosmo.txt #atsv spoilers

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androidcharles · 1 year

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I can't exactly convey this through picture, because in all honesty, I'm not sure how... exactly I could. But I'm good at making text posts, so late night fun facts about Amelia!

If you guys remember from BtN (Bullying the Nerds) Chapter Three of my story (you should totally read it XD), Galeforce expressed some shock that the Toppats managed to get their hands on an android and here's the super important reason why (since no one asked): Amelia was the Toppats secret Toppat.

Amelia was never shown in the public eye as much as say, the more wanted Toppats and usually if she ran heists or even got involved in them, she was usually in and out pretty quickly. Her fathers both knew that if she was ever found out, she would be caught and dismantled or worse, reprogrammed.

I imagine they probably have a few more secret Toppats out there, JIC things do go south...

#the henry stickmin collection #amelia copperbottom #stickmin oc #headcanon corner #or lore corner as it were XD

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chaudharis · 2 years

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thinking abt indra rn and like. u know how i was mentioning her and trace having sort of similar ways of Dealing with issues. im thinkin abt that and i wanna elaborate on thwt a little. just indra tho bc she needs more attention all the time.

putting under a cut jic its too long

(also dont rb, bc im jost a little iffy abt it yaknow. its just rambly thoughts)

the way i kinda see the end of av2 when she talks abt not feeling like "indra" anymore i honestly really like the idea that this is like. denial, in a way. and having big denial issues when it comes to their sense of selves is what i mean when i say trace and indra are shaking hands on this. bc they both have identity denialism i think! or at least this is how i read their characters.

but indras is very different in that her denialism comes from like. unlike traces where his comes from smth like "i dont think im x, and i cant be y, so what am i" and ill elaborate on that mess later (maybe), but indras is sort of the opposite, where hers comes from knowing Exactly who she is.

i think those last few lines she has are honestly like. negative development for her. this is worse for her. absolutely. shes already someone who i feel represses so much abt what she (understandably!) hates abt herself. she was a terribly neglectful mother, and shes. literally a billionare. one of the first notes you find talks abt how shes made billions of dollars from making thousands of people jobless during a time of economic crisis. shes done absolutely awful things! shes not a good person!

and so with that, and the way she sort of Presents herself in the game, to me it reads as her being insanely repressive of the way she feels abt herself. this is honestly why i really loved the little skirmish you have with your body/amashilama, because its just. even the SLIGHTEST hint at some form of confrontation. because i really dont think it was just amashilama talking in that scene!! so its like!! her guilt and everything is something she deeply represses!

and its like. so what do you think is gonna happen when you force the worlds best repression woman of the year to confront herself even the slightest. when you force her to see the consequences to her actions (samara is in the afterlife after all.), i can absolutely see her reaction is to just. go even further with it all. receeding back even more.

which is why i think the whole "im not indra, im something else" is negative chara development. it reads to me as her receeding back more, and separating herself from "indra". indra is someone that has hurt so many people, but that isnt Her anymore. shes helping people now! shes gonna get damu his body back! shes saved the world! this universe, even!

and while typically i think it would be fair to be like "im not that person anymore" with that, the thing is to be able to do that she still needs to like. actually develop as a person, which i super dont think she fucking has lol. just gonna gesture to av1 here for no reason in particular. so uhm. i dont think shes actualky done any growing as a person!

and this is why i fucking love her character! like yes!! she gets WORSE, in a way. which i think honestly might be the best way to go for her if you Were going to do a "indra gets better as a person" arc for her. shes just gotta get a little worse before she can get better. and id love to see her improve one day. id love to see the progress she makes! she has the capability to change but that time isnt now and thats ok. she is a character thats fine.

(honestly i should really start playing with this aspect abt her more. what that sort of process could look like, bc i really would love to see it! and u gotta make the content u wanna see in the world yaknow. so one day ill chip away at this!)

anyways! she has some problems and issues. and i love her for it.

thank u for reading btw heres an image of her. a special treat if uve read this. look at her v

#txt #indra #again! dont rb! dont! thank u! please!#i TOLD YOU I HAVE THOUGHTS I FUCMING TOLD YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!#ghis is probably a bit rambly and a bit hard to follow but thats fine. these are my thiughts. ive had a really long day at work and its #nearly 1 here so im a bit tired.

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mallowstep · 2 years

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i'm gonna make a bad dads bingo and all of us daddy issues folks can get together and have fun

#ALSO HEY please do not bring your father trauma to me like unless you have my discord we're probably not close enough for that #adding these tags onto the beginning jic bc while i don't mind discussing abuse (general) i'd really rather not do father trauma rn #mine #this is mostly a joke #making one would require the terrifying act of listing out a bunch of my trauma in one place #also haha every time i say bad dads there is one of three reactions #''oh no i meant way worse than that''#''haha yeah''#or #''oh what the fuck''#that last one always gets a ''i'm happy for u babe <3''#we stan good dads here #(but like only if appropriate)#(look i'm just happy when people have good dads)#(and also sometimes forget things that you can't just casually drop on people)

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bloodbenderz · 3 years

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humaniterations (dot) net/2014/10/13/an-anarchist-perspective-on-the-red-lotus/ this article from oct 2014 is very dense — truly, a lot to unpack here, but I feel like you would find this piece interesting. I would love it if you shared your thoughts on the points that stood out to you, whether you agree or disagree. you obv don’t have to respond to it tho, but I’m sending it as an ask jic you feel like penning (and sharing) a magnificent essay, as is your wont 💕

article

i know this took me forever 2 answer SORRY but i just checked off all the things on my to do list for the first time in days today so. Essay incoming ladies!

ok im SO glad u sent me this bc it’s so so good. it’s a genuinely thoughtful criticism of the politics in legend of korra (altho i think its sometimes a little mean to korra unnecessarily like there’s no reason to call her a “petulant brat” or say that she throws tantrums but i do understand their point about her being an immature and reactionary hero, which i’ll get back to) and i think the author has a good balance between acknowledging like Yeah the lok writers were american liberals and wrote their show accordingly and Also writing a thorough analysis of lok’s politics that felt relevant and interesting without throwing their hands up and saying this is all useless liberal bullshit (which i will admit that i tend to do).

this article essentially argues that the red lotus antagonists of s3 were right. And that’s not an uncommon opinion i think but this gives it serious weight. Like, everything that zaheer’s gang did was, in context, fully understandable. of course the red lotus would be invested in making sure that the physically and spiritually and politically most powerful person in the world ISNT raised by world leaders and a secret society of elites that’s completely unaccountable to the people! of course the red lotus wants to bring down tyrannical governments and allow communities to form and self govern organically! and the writers dismiss all of that out of hand by 1. consistently framing the red lotus as insane and murderous (korra never actually gives zaheer’s ideas a chance or truly considers integrating them into her own approach) 2. representing the death of the earth queen as not just something that’s not necessarily popular (what was with mako’s bootlicker grandma, i’d love to know) but as something that causes unbelievable violence and chaos in ba sing se (which, like, a lot of history and research will tell you that people in disasters tend towards prosocial behaviors). so the way the story frames each of these characters and ideologies is fascinating because like. if you wanted to write season 3 of legend of korra with zaheer as the protagonist and korra as the antagonist, you wouldn’t actually have to change the sequence of events at all, really. these writers in particular and liberal writers in general LOVE writing morally-gray-but-ultimately-sympathetic characters (like, almost EVERY SINGLE fire nation character in the first series, who were full on violent colonizers but all to a degree were rehabilitated in the eyes of the viewer) but instead of framing the red lotus as good people who are devoted to justice and freedom and sometimes behave cruelly to get where theyre trying to go, they frame them as psychopaths and murderers who have good intentions don’t really understand how to make the world a better place.

and the interesting thing about all this, about the fact that the red lotus acted in most cases exactly as it should have in context and the only reason its relegated to villain status is bc the show is written by liberals, is that the red lotus actually points out really glaring sociopolitical issues in universe! like, watching the show, u think well why the fuck HASN’T korra done anything about the earth queen oppressing her subjects? why DOESN’T korra do anything about the worse than useless republic president? why the hell are so many people living in poverty while our mains live cushy well fed lives? how come earth kingdom land only seems to belong to various monarchs and settler colonists, instead of the people who are actually indigenous to it? the show does not want to answer these questions, because american liberal capitalism literally survives on the reality of oppressive governments and worse than useless presidents and people living in poverty while the middle/upper class eats and indigenous land being stolen. if the show were to answer these questions honestly, the answer would be that the status quo in real life (and the one on the show that mirrors real life) Has To Change.

So they avoid answering these questions honestly in order for the thesis statement to be that the status quo is good. and the only way for the show to escape answering these questions is for them to individualize all these broad social problems down into Good people and Bad people. so while we have obvious bad ones like the earth queen we also have all these capitalists and monarchs and politicians who are actually very nice and lovely people who would never hurt anyone! which is just such an absurd take and it’s liberal propaganda at its best. holding a position of incredible political/economic power in an unjust society is inherently unethical and maintaining that position of power requires violence against the people you have power over. which is literally social justice 101. but there’s literally no normal, average, not-politically-powerful person on the show. so when leftist anarchism is presented and says that destroying systems that enforce extreme power differentials is the only way to bring peace and freedom to all, the show has already set us up to think, hey, fuck you, top cop lin beifong and ford motor ceo asami sato are good people and good people like them exist! and all we have to do to move forward and progress as a society is to make sure we have enough good individuals in enough powerful positions (like zuko as the fire lord ending the war, or wu as the earth king ending the monarchy)! which is of course complete fiction. liberal reform doesn’t work. but by pretending that it could work by saying that the SYSTEM isnt rotten it’s just that the people running it suck and we just need to replace those people, it automatically delegitimizes any radical movements that actually seek to change things.

and that’s the most interesting thing about this article to me is that it posits that the avatar...might actually be a negative presence in the world. the avatar is the exact same thing: it’s a position of immense political and physical power bestowed completely randomly, and depending on the moral character and various actions of who fills that position at any given time, millions of people will or won’t suffer. like kyoshi, who created the fascist dai li, like roku, who refused to remove a genocidal dictator from power, like aang, who facilitated the establishment of a settler colonial state on earth kingdom land. like korra! she’s an incredibly immature avatar and a generally reactionary lead. i’ve talked about this at length before but she never actually gets in touch with the needs of the people. she’s constantly running in elite circles, exposed only to the needs and squabbles of the upper class! how the hell is she supposed to understand the complexities of oppression and privilege when she was raised by a chess club with inordinate amounts of power and associates almost exclusively with politicians and billionaires?? from day 1 we see that she tends to see things in very black and white ways which is FINE if you’re a privileged 17 yr old girl seeing the world for the first time but NOT FINE if you’re the single most powerful person in the world! Yeah, korra thinks the world is probably mostly fine and just needs a little whipping into shape every couple years, because all she has ever known is a mostly fine world! in s1 when mako mentions that he as a homeless impoverished teenager worked for a gang (which is. Not weird. Impoverished people of every background are ALWAYS more likely to resort to socially unacceptable ways of making money) korra is like “you guys are criminals?????!!!!!” she was raised in perfect luxury by a conservative institution and just never developed beyond that. So sure, if the red lotus raised her anarchist, probably a lot would’ve been different/better, but....they didn’t. and korra ended up being a reactionary and conservative avatar who protected monarchs and colonialist politicians. The avatar as a position is completely subject to the whims of whoever is currently the avatar. and not only does that suck for everyone who is not the avatar, not only is it totally unfair to whatever kid who grows up knowing the fate of the world is squarely on their shoulders, but it as a concept is a highly individualist product of the authors’ own western liberal ideas of progress! the idea that one good leader can fix the world (or should even try) based on their own inherent superiority to everyone else is unbelievably flawed and ignores the fact that all real progress is brought about as a result of COMMUNITY work, as a result of normal people working for themselves and their neighbors!

the broader analysis of bending was really interesting to me too, but im honestly not sure i Totally agree with it. the article pretty much accepts the show’s assertion that bending is a privilege (and frankly backs it up much better than the original show did, but whatever), and i don’t think that’s NECESSARILY untrue since it is, like, a physical advantage (the author compares it to, for example, the fact that some people are born athletically gifted and others are born with extreme physical limitations), but i DO think that it discounts the in universe racialization of bending. in any sequel to atla that made sense, bending as a race making fact would have been explored ALONGSIDE the physical advantages it bestows on people. colonialism and its aftermath is generally ignored in this article which is its major weakness i think, especially in conjunction with bending. you can bring up the ideas the author did about individual vs community oriented progress in the avatar universe while safely ignoring the colonialism, but you can’t not bring up race and colonialism when you discuss bending. especially once you get to thinking about how water/earth/airbenders were imprisoned and killed specifically because bending was a physical advantage, and that physical advantage was something that would have given colonized populations a means of resistance and that the fire nation wanted to keep to itself.

i think that’s the best lens thru which to analyze bending tbh! like in the avatar universe bending is a tool that different ethnic groups tend to use in different ways. at its best, bending actually doesn’t represent social power differences (despite representing a physical power difference) because it’s used to represent/maintain community solidarity. like, take the water tribe. katara being the last waterbender, in some way, makes her the last of a part of swt CULTURE. the implication is that when there were a lot of waterbenders in the south, they dedicated their talents to building community and helping their neighbors, because this was something incredibly culturally important and important to the water tribe as a community. the swt as a COLLECTIVE values bending for what it can do for the entire tribe, which counts for basically every other talent a person can have (strength, creativity, etc). the fire nation, by contrast, distorts the community value of bending by racializing it: anyone who bends an element that isn’t fire is inherently NOT fire nation (and therefore inherently inferior) and, because of the physical power that bending confers, anyone who bends an element that isn’t fire is a threat to fire nation hegemony. and in THAT framework of bending, it’s something that intrinsically assigns worth and reifies race in a way that’s conveniently beneficial to the oppressor.

it IS worth talking about how using Element as a way to categorize people reifies nations, borders, and race in a way that is VERY characteristic of white american liberals. i tried to be conscious of that (and the way that elements/bending can act in DIFFERENT ways, depending on cultural context) but i think it’s pretty clear that the writers did intend for element to unequivocally signify nation (and, by extension, race), which is part of why they screwed up mixed families so bad in lok. when they’ve locked themselves into this idea that element=nation=race, they end up with sets of siblings like mako and bolin or kya tenzin and bumi, who all “take” after only one parent based on the element that they bend. which is just completely stupid but very indicative of how the writers actually INTENDED element/bending to be a race making process. and its both fucked up and interesting that the writers display the same framework of race analysis that the canonical antagonists of atla do.

anyway that’s a few thoughts! thank u again for sending the article i really loved it and i had a lot of fun writing this <3

#this is 2.1k words LMFAOO #asks #analysis #do i have an analysis tag?#crit #lok crit

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re1d · 4 years

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i know, and i love you | spencer reid

→ summary: nightmares haunt reid late at night. nothing is supposed to be there for him. he is supposed to be alone, but you’d never let that happen. → warnings: mentions of drugs, death, blood, and overall sadness → word count: 3.2k → a/n: i just got to the episodes where reid’s in prison n then i just rly rly wanted to write a post-prison!reid fic :’’)) // ALSO the formatting of this fic is kind of strange, the italics are spencer telling the story jic anyone gets confused !!

Blood. Delgado’s blood. Cat’s cloying smirk. The cut from the knife that killed Nadie Ramos. Everything blurs together. Spencer relives each memory and he is brought back to each cognitive interview he suffered through. He feels his hands squeezing Cat’s neck, JJ’s voice had sounded behind him, but all he can hear is the blood pounding in his ears. The sensation of her skin under his fingers, hands digging into her throat floods him with both terror and satisfaction. Pain courses through his thigh as he remembers the shiv that he coerced Shaw to stab him with.

Agony and fear pull him from his nightmare as he bolts up in bed next to you. The covers fly up, allowing a cool gust of air to wash over your body. His ragged breathing is the first thing your hear when you wake. Beside you, Spencer’s chest heaves as he tries to slow the memories traveling through his mind. He still sees the blood, still feels the pain, still experiences the trauma. His own words ring in the quietude of the early morning; they take over his being to the point where he can just barely feel the pressure of your hand on his shoulder. “Because you and I ... we deserve each other. That is the real secret.” Spencer wants to rip out his vocal chords and scrub them down with lye soap; he said those words, they came from his lips and he couldn’t feel worse about them.

“Her ... It was her again,” Spencer’s voice is hoarse as it rides on the thick atmosphere of your small bedroom. You know he has more to say—you can feel it. “No—it was everything. I saw everything. Mexico, Lindsey, Cat, my ...” he trails off into nothingness, but you can tell what he was about to say. His mom. “[Y/N], I ... I told her that we deserved each other, and—and it’s true. You’re so much better than me in every way; you’re sweet and kind and strong, and I’m just a little kid who still has nightmares.”

The bed shakes as you stand up on top of it, stepping over Spencer’s legs to be able to sit crisscross in front of him. As you plop down, bed springs creak. Darkness envelopes Spencer’s hunched over form, but you can see him as clear as day. Reaching out, you place your hands atop his, encouraging him to meet your gaze. “Spence—look at me,” the command is solid, reassuring, “you need to stop and breathe, okay? Sit up straight and take deep breaths with me. It’ll help, I promise. Then, we can get up and talk about it over coffee, sound good?” His eyes dart around the room once before the tension in his shoulders dissipates little by little.

“[Y/N], I-I’m not sure I want to talk about it.” Sympathy is painted on your features as you give his hands a tight squeeze. Shaking your head, you purse your lips, attempting to hold back tears threatening to fall while you’re in the presence of his pitiful state. His upper body moves with each inhale and exhale cycle. In. Out. In. Out. Routine, structure, necessity.

“I know, Spence, but you know what happens when you hold things in. Eventually, it eats away at you. I’m sorry, but I’m gonna put a pot on, you’re gonna join me in the kitchen, and we’re finally gonna talk through this.” He shivers, letting you stand and lead him out of your shared bedroom. Light switches are passed by as you navigate through the inky corridors—the only illumination being the moon’s tender glow. “I talked to Will a couple weeks after JJ had gotten home from that child abduction case in LA a couple months ago. He told me that he just sat there and let her vent to him, so that’s what we’re gonna do, okay? You are gonna tell me—word for word, memory for memory—what happened. In Mexico, in prison, in your mind. Spence, you’ve been through hell and back—and, yes, I know that you’re taking a mandated break every thirty days and that you’ve been through counselling—but you deserve to be able to talk to someone who doesn’t have a solution, or methods, or anything like that. Just please, let me listen.”

With a sigh and a hesitant nod, Spencer takes a seat across from you at the island in your small kitchen. He presses the heel of his palm into his right eye, trying to push away the warped reality that his vision presents. Even being awake doesn’t keep the nightmares at bay; in his life, he doesn’t think he’ll ever go a day without looking over his shoulder, although the hope is always there, buried deep inside of him. The sound of ceramic sliding against the wood marble counter top breaks the quietude, and he forces himself to meet your hazy stare.

“Well,” he begins, taking a sip of the sugary drink, “I guess I’ll start with getting off of the prison bus ...”

Spencer’s breathing sped up as he stood in line with the other prisoners. Each bellow of another person’s name sent shudders down his spine. He could feel his heart beating in his throat; the harsh thrumming sensation made him think he was going to throw up. A shout of his last name pulled him from his stupor, but when he was thrown back into the line, his heart seemed to stop. There was no longer any noise. He couldn’t hear anything—no names, no yelling, nothing.

He trudged behind the others, the shackles around his wrists and ankles feeling more like weights than intended. The bright orange of their uniforms burned his eyes, but there didn’t seem to be anything else to look at. Cool air sliced through the fabric like a hunting knife gutting a fish. He felt the laser-like stares of guards boring into his back. Every step he took sent a pang of torment through his body, and before he knew it, he had changed, showered, and ended up in the dorm.

The box of his things was gone. Terror coursed through his veins as three inmates surrounded him. “It’s party time,” one of them had said. His voice ached from the muffled screams that begged to be released. And it wasn’t until he was being held with a shiv pointed at his eye that the severity of the situation hit him. Thoughts of you, your smile, the way you would hold him after an awful case—everything came flooding back to him. Although he didn’t clamp his eyes shut, he prayed to anything that would listen to allow him to live to see you again.

“Back off,” a voice sounded from the outskirts of the dark bathroom, “back off, now.” Relief spread through his body, seeping into the deepest parts of him. Looking at the man shrouded in shadow, he does what he’s told and leaves as quickly as he arrived. Gratitude. That was the only emotion evident in Spencer when he finally lets himself fall into the arms of sleep.

“Okay, okay, whoa,” your voice tugs him from his explanation, “slow down, Spencer.” Reaching up to his face, he feels the wetness drenching his cheeks. Tears, he realizes. He’s crying. “Spence, honey, this can be enough for tonight if you want. We don’t have to keep going.” Grasping his hand from your spot across from him, you attempt to bring him back to reality. With a shake of his head, you’re given an answer and he launches into yet another prison anecdote. You present him with a tissue and he refuses.

“What’s the point if more tears are just around the corner?” A weak laugh escapes his lips as you lift his hand up to cup your cheek and press firm kisses into his palm. “Let’s keep going,” he says with a somewhat forced smile, “I won’t be able to go back to sleep now, anyways.”

Back. Reid was back and working with Delgado in the laundry room. The white sheets and smell of detergent overwhelmed his senses with the feeling of the countless hotels he’d stayed in for work. But, by God, he’d never let that slip in here. If Spencer had, he would’ve been beaten to a pulp before Calvin could tell the prisoners not to.

His mind wandered as he folded blanket after blanket. It went back to Mexico, going over Nadie Ramos’ death again and again. Spencer was so deep in his daydreaming that he didn’t hear the first call directed at him. And, it wasn’t until a distinct thud pulled him from his thoughts did he realize that Delgado was being gripped in a choke hold, a shiv pointed at the side of his neck. Spencer would never forget the look of panic on his face, in his heart—it vaguely reminded him Ryan Phillips, the first boy he couldn’t save. He tried to shout, to yell, to save his only friend behind bars, but it was to no avail.

Luis coughed, blood dripping steadily from the slit in his throat. Spencer shook off the gang member that held him and rushed towards the man with a towel in hand. He repeated the same words over and over like a mantra.—it’s okay, it’s okay, it’s okay. Eventually, he wasn’t able to tell if he was saying it to comfort Delgado or himself. “Help!” He screamed, but no one seemed to hear him. He was alone with a corpse, with Luis’ face having paled to match the cold gray of the laundry room floor.

Days after, he was still waking up in a cold sweat, the image of the viscid, red liquid haunting him more than it had ever done before. Everything was getting worse—his paranoia, his nightmares, his chances of being freed. His thoughts were becoming consumed with murder after murder, but the more his mind raced, the more comfortable the thought of hurting people grew. And so, he poisoned the drugs he was supposed to push—Frazier and his gang deserved a taste of their own medicine. He caused people agony on purpose, and he didn’t feel bad. He liked it.

“I liked it, [Y/N]! I liked it—I liked hurting those people!” His voice is rising, to be honest, it scares you to see him like this, but you’d never let him know that. Spencer stands swiftly, and the sound of the chair scraping against your tile floor makes you jump. He darts to the bathroom with a hand covering his mouth. However, before he can turn completely away from you, you’re able to see the fear in his eyes. It’s obvious to you now that despite being free, he’s never truly left the Milburn Correctional Facility. The darkness that surrounds his past hit you with the force of a thousand elephants as you follow him through the dark corridors of your apartment.

The bathroom door is closed, locked. Pressing your back into the wood, you slide down and hug your legs into your chest. On the other side, Spencer retches into the toilet bowl, his knuckles white from the grip he has on the porcelain. Turning around, you cross your legs and rest your forehead on the board. “Spence,” you say, loud enough for him to hear you, but still soft enough to be tender, “please. What can I do to help? How can I—.”

The door swings open, but your lover is still hunched over the bowl of the toilet, looking solemnly into the water. He reaches up the press the handle, but his hand slips away, laying limply beside him. The sight of him is pitiful; he looks so weak, so frail. It seems that one touch would break him into a million pieces. Spencer glances at you, but his expression is blank, void, even as tears are welling up in his eyes. “Spence,” you’re still, sitting on the other side of the visible threshold, “I-I’m so sorry. This is all my fault, I shouldn’t have made you talk about it if you didn’t want to. Oh God, I’m sorry. You obviously weren’t ready to go through it again, and I pushed you anyway.” While you’re rambling, he turns away from the toilet to face you. He’s staring into you, at your heart, your soul, your mind.

“It’s okay,” he mumbles, wiping the back of his hand over his lips, “I would’ve woken you up again if we hadn’t talked.” It’s your turn to cry. He watches you carefully, slowly beginning to feel again. A tingling replaces the emptiness that once occupied his body.

“Spencer, that doesn’t matter, and it’s not okay. I’m supposed to know when enough is enough. I’m supposed to love you and care for you, and now, I’ve dredged up your past. I literally made you throw up, Spencer. I’m sorry.” You move closer to him cautiously, eyeing his movement to see if he wanted you to stop. “I’m so sorry. For everything, love. For Mexico, your mom, Luis.”

Your words cause him to scramble away from you, his back hitting the wall of the bathtub with a soft thump. Burying his face in his hands, he claws at the crown of his head and he cries. Sobs rack his body as he folds into himself, his arms clutching at his stomach. Your heart aches as you watch him fall apart piece by piece, but you make no effort to stop him, to console him. Spencer’s face grows crimson, the force of his undeniable anguish stealing away his breath. Rocking back and forth, he attempts to calm down. He recalls your instructions from earlier in the morning about breathing, and he follows them. In. Out. In. Out. InOutInOutInOut. As he’s doing the simple exercise, Spencer registers the feeling of your worried gaze resting on him. It doesn’t make him uncomfortable, like it does when other people stare at him—it makes him even more sad.

His body trembles from the physical exertion it was put through, and he lets his head drop between his knees. “[Y/N].” The broken sound of your name falling from his lips evokes a pang of hurt in your stomach, “I’m so scared.” Your lip quivers at his statement. His voice is so small, yet so sure. Spencer is afraid, terrified even. “I’m scared of using again. I thought about Dilaudid almost every night in prison. But, you know what crushed me? It was the thought of losing you, [Y/N]. I was so afraid of you not being there when I got out that I refused to let you see me at my ... at my worst,” his composure waivers, “But, in reality, I ... have no idea what I would do if I didn’t have you.” He takes a sharp inhale, and it’s clear that the sudden monologue had sucked away any energy that he had left.

“Spencer,” you mumble through tears, “can I—can I touch you? Is that okay?” When your husband nods, you shuffle towards his weak frame slumped against the tub. Pressing a soft kiss to his cheek, you reach to the other side of his face and gently push so that his head rests on your shoulder. Both of you stare not at each other, but into the abyss that is your bedroom. The sun peeks through the blinds, a pale gold replacing the white moonlight that once reigned. “Spence?” You ask, not particularly looking for him to answer, “You know you’ll never lose me, right?”

As his mind ponders the simplicity of your question, he drifts back to one of the best days of his life.

Cold air nipped at his nose, the sight of Garcia and Luke racing towards him from a black van flooded him with relief. But, something was missing. You were missing. Noticing his relentless searching, JJ placed a hand on his shoulder, as if to tell him not to worry. “[Y/N]’s waiting at the office, Spence. Emily is with her, they’re going over the details of the case. She ... she said that when she sees you, she might explode.” Disappointment coursed through Spencer’s veins, as he climbed into the back of one of the SUVs, but he kept it well hidden.

Soon enough, Spencer realized the way to his old apartment that Cassie and his mother had been staying in. Before everything with Diana had even happened, Spencer was moving into your apartment, closer to Quantico. But, the process had come to a halt because of the personal issues that would only worsen when combined with the stress of moving. He had apologized over and over again, and you had reassured him that none of it was his fault, or his mother’s for that matter. You made sure that he knew that you loved both of them and would do anything you could to help.

“Okay, Spence,” JJ’s voice ripped him from his memory, “you gotta focus now. We’re gonna head into your apartment to get changes of clothes and things like that, but you also need to look for things that could give us new information about where your mom is.” He nods while lifting up the caution tape stretched across his door frame. Truthfully, only half of his mind was focused on finding clues—the other was occupied by thoughts of you. Your face, your smile, the way you used to hug him. He wondered—would you still hug him like that?

He walked alongside JJ, Garcia, and Luke, entering the elevator and riding it up to the BAU’s floor. Spencer’s heart raced; his nerves were obvious because of the way he drummed his fingers on his thigh. Then, time itself stopped. The elevator doors slid open, revealing you, clutching desperately onto Emily and Rossi’s hands.

“Go get her, Reid,” Luke’s words echoed in the back of his mind as he rushed through the doors to collect you in his arms. His hands were splayed against your back, attempting to hold all of you at once. The slight pressure of your hand on the back of his head, rubbing gently into his scalp sent him to Heaven. Spencer inhales deeply, taking in the comforting scent of old books, laundry detergent, and a hint of vanilla. Separating from him, you cupped his cheeks and pulled your lips down to his. It was a kiss that he would replay well into the future. The supple feeling of your mouth moving against his made his whole body light up. He was on fire, passion and yearning seeping into the deepest parts of his body.

At this point, the team had returned to the case. However, you two were far too enraptured with immense longing to notice. Finally breaking the kiss, Spencer pressed his forehead to yours, your breath mingling with his in the best way possible. Words were unnecessary because, as a wise woman once said, “love is a world of its own that lives in the heart, not in the head.”

Your question plays on a loop in Spencer’s head. You know you’ll never lose me, right? You know you’ll never lose me, right? You know you’ll never lose me, right? He knows—of course he knows. He’ll never forget it. But, it isn’t until you ask it again that he gives you an answer.

“Spencer? You know that, right?”

“I know, [Y/N].” The pause he takes is to let the absolute truth of his statement set in. “I know.” He says it like its a mantra, a spell that will keep him safe until the end of time. “I know.” Again and again and again, his words fill the emptiness of that bathroom with warmth, despite the tears drying on his cheeks.

“I know, and I love you.”

#mine #spencer reid #spencer reid fanfiction #spencer reid imagine #spencer reid x reader #dr spencer reid #criminal minds #criminal minds fanfiction #derek morgan #aaron hotchner #penelope garcia #jennifer jareau #cat adams #david rossi #emily prentiss #matt simmons #tara lewis

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fragileizywriting · 2 years

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HI ANON BACK AGAIN WITH MORE QUESTIONS! Does Luka still know of other Firsts? Like does he still interact with them? Are most Firsts accepting of being demons now? Are some still behaving like Angels? DOES GABRIEL HAVE DEMONS SPYING ON ADRIEN, LUKA AND MARINETTE? What was his reaction to finding out Luka is dating Adrien? What was his reaction when Marinette joined them? BTW don't think you have to answer, you can just say, "Spoilers" and tell me to shut up lol

good morning!!! hope you haven’t been waiting long for the answer !!!

oooooo these are all such good questions i Will answer them without spoiling too much :3 but again jic someone doesn’t want to,

okay so!

1) he knows of some! but maybe two or three. he doesn’t keep in contact with them as frequently as he should, because he likes doing his own thing— when we inevitably get to the fics where they end up having to go down there for ~~reasons~~, i’ll add a couple of them!

2) most accept it. a few (a lot) use it to be assholes in general, because since they fell they have the ideology of “well, i lost all of my goodboy points, might as well keep making it worse for myself” so they’re vicious. and tyrants. lots of them are still power hungry, which is honestly gabriel’s biggest problem— that’s one of the reasons why adrien was like (???) when he was starting to speculate that luka is one of them. gabriel had made it clear that Firsts are nothing but trouble and cruel and the worst, but luka is nothing of those things…. obviously there are definite exclusions. but most are not friendly, and some are convinced they didn’t fall at all. they’re convinced it’s all a test from god that they need to pass— luka fell into that category at first. but it’s hundreds of thousands of years later, and now with juleka here (spoilers?), he’s starting to think otherwise

3) gabriel is aware of luka :3€ and will use that against him. we’ll see how angry he is in a future fic, but honestly… gabriel is more concerned about marinette 👀 he’s not angry at this one. he’s elated that adrien is finally being useful. maybe too much. he needs to play his cards right on her. he knows that luka hates him, so he won’t bother— but marinette, yes, she’s much more valuable to him

#speakizys #demon lovin #hope that answers your questions!!!!!

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trensu · 4 years

Text

Episode 14: The One where LWJ Sings to WWX, y’know, Like a Bro

WE’RE STILL IN THE BEST CAVE IN THE WORLD GUYS

AND WE START OFF WITH ~THEIR SONG~ PLAYING IN THE BACKGROUND AS LWJ GENTLY WAKES UP.

And first thing he notices is that he woke up with his forehead ribbon on his forehead where it’s supposed to be (it’s right there in the name)

Wwx: oh yeah, i put it back on you while you were sleeping. I know how nervous you get when you’re not wearing it.

DID YOU HEAR THAT?

DID YOU?

HE PUT IT BACK ON HIM TO SPARE HIM ANXIETY

(You can't tell me that LWJ does not low-key have anxiety. Nobody's that much of a stickler for rules without being constantly anxious about breaking them. That's just facts)

Also, lol, the minute lwj wakes up, wwx is all “ah, must be 5am.” HE’S KEEPING TRACK OF TIME WITH LWJ’S SLEEP HABITS LOLOLOL

Now wwx and lwj are talking Important Escape Details

Wwx: yeah, went back into the pond and it looks like the Murder Turtle blocked off the escape route

Lwj: you shouldn’t be going into the pond with your injury

Wwx: i’m not that delicate!

And then he turns it around and asks lwj how well the medicine was working on his leg (it’s all better now, i guess?? idk he seems fine now. wq’s medicine is MAGIC)

BECAUSE THEY CARE ABOUT EACH OTHER

Here we learn the official name of the Murder Turtle

Lwj: it’s like a xuanwu but not

Wwx: xuanwu?? *proceeds to describe what he knows about it*

Lwj: *is impressed and surprised*

Have more faith in your soulmate lwj. He reads! Sometimes! When it’s important!

Wwx: aren’t xuanwus supposed to have sharp teeth? Like Grrr

HE MAKES THE MOST ADORABLE GROWLY FACE I HAVE EVER SEEN IN MY LIFE AND MAKES THE CUTEST GROWL SOUND AT LWJ. AHHHHH!

But also, he’s disappointed that the xuanwu didn’t have sharp teeth?? WWX, THE THING TRIED TO EAT YOU JUST YESTERDAY. BE GRATEFUL IT DOESN’T HAVE SHARP TEETH

Wwx: it doesn’t even matter what it is! It’s a big monster and if we kill it we’ll be Big Damn Heroes

So EXCITED and EAGER and he has this MISCHIEVOUS LOOK ON HIS FACE. Obviously he’s suffered brain damage

Wwx: and, ah, if it kills us, it’s okay bc it’ll be an AWESOME death lol

Lwj just stares at him LOL

His face is like, “this guy? This is the guy my heart decided to fall for?? Really???”

Okay so now they’re being all sneaky and gathering up bows and arrows that surround the pond and then they go back and get to work on fixing them and preparing for battle

We get to see lwj practicing the chord assassination technique like a BADASS

They come up with a plan!! Wwx will go into the Murder Turtle’s shell to coax him out of it so that lwj can then, idk, decapitate it with his Killer String.

(that’s...not how actual turtles work, but bc this is a magic murder turtle, i figure the rules don’t apply)

AHHHHH

LWJ DOES A THING

So obvs since wwx has to go inside the shell and lwj has to stay outside the shell they gotta communicate right and Ancient Fantasy China does not have good cell reception

Wwx: listen to me

And with that verbal cue, lwj does this thing that makes his fingers glow with spiritual energy and then taps wwx’s forehead which then has a little burst of the glow for half a second.

And TA-DAH! NOW THEY’RE PSYCHICALLY LINKED!!!

THEY’RE SOULMATES AND NOW THEY’RE PSYCHICALLY LINKED YOUR OTP COULD NEVER

It must be a link that only lets them hear what the other wants them to hear otherwise wwx would’ve found out lwj is smitten with him right there and then, omg, that could’ve saved us so much heartbreak later on

But we’re not gonna think about that right now bc i don’t want to short-circuit my keyboard with tears

YUCK, wwx is inside the Murder Turtle’s shell and it’s SUPER GROSS

EVERYTHING IS ALL RED

THE FLOOR’S ALL MUDDY AND GUMMY

THERE’S LIKE, FLESHY ROPES HANGING EVERYWHERE

DISGUSTING

Wwx: ewww, it stinks so bad i wanna puke *chokes back bile*

BE STRONG WWX, YOU CAN DO THIS

And now he’s bumped into some dead bodies

WHY ARE YOU PUTTING YOUR FACE SO CLOSE TO THE DEAD BODIES WWX, THAT’S A TERRIBLE IDEA. YOU WERE JUST COMPLAINING ABOUT THE STENCH 2 SECONDS AGO, AND NOW YOU’RE SHOVING YOUR FACE IN IT???

Oh noooo, now he’s found the Screaming Sword of Resentment that screams bloody murder at him

He grabs it and stabs Murder Turtle in the face which makes Murder Turtle mad enough to get out of the shell

We’re going to continue to ignore the bad cgi and ridiculously over the top fighting moves

...and the way he floats horizontally(??? somehow??) as the Murder Turtle tries to shake him off

My poor bb is hanging on for dear life while lwj does his Killer String thing

I LOVE LWJ’S DETERMINED FACE HERE!!

His brow is all scrunched up and his mouth gets all pinched and firm. SO DASHING LAN ZHAN, GO SAVE YOUR SOULMATE.

But oh no! The resentful energy pouring from the sword is getting to wwx!

Uh oh, I did not like the look of that grin on wwx’s face

that was NOT HIS MISCHIEVOUS GRIN

THAT WAS A MALEVOLENT GRIN.

I DON’T LIKE IT

STOP THAT WWX

BE A GOOD BOY

Lwj shouts his name, he’s so worried!!

And now we see wwx use resentful energy for the first time ever!!

In a badass move he starts levitating all the abandoned swords and staffs that littered the shore AND USES THEM TO STAB THE MURDER TURTLE IN THE THROAT

SO COOL, SO COOL

Murder Turtle flops over dead and takes wwx down with him INTO THE POND AND WWX IS UNCONSCIOUS!! NOOOOOOO

Lwj, ofc, rushes to his side as soon as he hits the water and rescues him

He gets him out of the pond and takes him to dry land

Lwj: wei ying, wei ying! Wake up, wake up

GUYS, THIS IS THE MOST EMOTION WE’VE HEARD IN HIS VOICE SO FAR

HE’S REPEATING HIMSELF FOR GOODNESS SAKE

HE OF FEW WORDS GOES ON TO REPEAT HIMSELF TWICE OVER

HE’S FREAKING OUT

Oh gross, we cut to the Evil Wen’s lair

C’mon nobody cares about whatever’s going on there. Get us back to the important stuff!!! I am Done listening to evil wens ranting

AHH WE’RE BACK IN THE CAVE WITH OUR BOYS!!

WWX REGAINS CONSCIOUSNESS!!

Wwx: lan zhan, is it dead?

Lwj: yes

Wwx: yes? (he says weakly, in disbelief, MY POOR WWX)

Wwx: is it dead? (why’s he repeating himself, WWX ARE YOU OKAY??)

(I mean, obviously he's not what with the murder turtle thing but I don't think he can afford to get more brain damage at this point)

Lwj: yes, it is.

Oh and now wwx is telling lwj about all the screaming voices he heard from the sword and asks him if he was dreaming those up

LIKE HE’S NOT TRUSTING HIS GRASP ON REALITY RN OR SOMETHING!!

AND HE’LL ONLY TRUST IT IF LWJ CONFIRMS IT FOR HIM

BC HE TRUSTS HIM AND THEY’RE SOULMATES!!!

Lwj reassures wwx that he did not dream up those screams

(Somebody should probably check him for a concussion,jic. I mean those screams were real THIS time but you never know!!)

(Maybe concussions don't exist in Ancient Fantasy China, idk)

Wwx is all pale and shaky!! MY POOR WWX!! Lwj is rightfully fussing over him

He lets out a weak laugh (BC THAT’S HIS COPING MECHANISM, DIFFUSE THE SITUATION WITH HUMOR, MY POOR WWX) and is like “who knew that one day i’d get to see the 2nd jade of lan look so worried?”

IT’S BECAUSE HE LOVES YOU, WWX, YOU DENSE IDIOT

Lwj doesn’t respond but he does look away briefly LIKE HE’S AFRAID OF WWX SEEING SO MUCH EMOTION ON HIS FACE

AAHHHH, LAN ZHAN, IT’S OKAY, DON’T HIDE AWAY LIKE THAT!! I PROMISE WWX LOVES YOU TOO!!!

WWX: lan zhan, i didn’t think i’d survive this

He whispers weakly AS HIS BODY IS STARTS TO TREMBLE LIKE CRAZY

Lwj: wei ying, you have a fever

And then he brings wwx’s wrist close to start pouring in some spiritual energy

SO GENTLY, WITH SUCH DEDICATED CONCENTRATION

BC HIS WEI YING IS HURTING AND HE WANTS TO MAKE IT STOP

AAHHHHH

WWX: that’s so soothing lan zhan

Oh jeez, the way he sounds when he says that...

And omg the way lwj looks in the blue glow of the spiritual energy transfer

AS IF HE DIDN’T ALREADY LOOK LIKE SOME SORT OF HOLY DEITY, HE’S LEGIT GLOWING NOW TOO

WWX: how boring...why hasn’t jc showed up to rescue me yet?

Uh, rude much? Lwj is right there

AND HERE WE COLLECTIVELY LOSE OUR MINDS BC WWX ASKS LWJ TO SING TO HIM!!!!!!!!!!

AND LWJ STARTS TO SING TO HIM!!!!!

AND THIS IS WHERE WE GET ~THEIR SONG~ ACKNOWLEDGED BY THE CHARACTERS FOR THE FIRST TIME BC THAT’S WHAT HE SINGS TO WEI YING

AND WHILE HE SINGS, WE GET GIVEN THE MOST WONDERFUL OF ALL FLASHBACKS.

IT IS A COMPILATION OF ALL THEIR IMPORTANT MOMENTS TOGETHER SO FAR

THEIR MOONLIT ROOFTOP SWORD FIGHT!!

THEIR COLD POND CAVE MARRIAGE!!

THEIR BUNNY LANTERN!!

BASICALLY EVERYTHING I’VE BEEN SCREAMING ABOUT THESE PAST 14 EPISODES

I’M LITERALLY TEARING UP

I CNA’T TAKE IT

MY HEART, MY HEART 💕💕💕

THEY’RE SINGING ~THEIR SONG~ AND I’M DYING OF FEELINGS OVERLOAD

Also, jfc, there’s no Heterosexual explanation for that flashback sequence…

Wwx: it sounds so nice, so nice, what’s the name of the song…?

AHHHHHH!!!

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!

LWJ TELLS HIM THE NAME OF THE SONG!!

!!HE PRACTICALLY CONFESSES HIS ETERNAL UNDYING LOVE TO HIM

AND WWX HAS TO FUCKING PASS OUT BEFORE HE HEARS IT GOD DAMN IT

IT’S LIKE GETTING COCKBLOCKED, BUT LIKE, EMOTIONALLY WHICH IS SO MUCH WORSE WTF

And when wwx wakes up again, he’s out of the cave!

But instead of seeing lwj’s godly visage, he wakes up to that peacock jzx and is like “you??”

Jc shows up!

Wwx: where’s lan zhan?

Jc: he left

Wwx: he left?? But he’s still injured!!

Jc: so is everyone else!! And he went back to gusu so…

Wwx: but he--

Jc: A THANK YOU WOULD BE NICE

Jc: IT’S NOT LIKE I TRAVELED WITHOUT REST FOR 7 DAYS TO GET HELP AND RESCUE YOU

Now we got to go through Plot Things

We’re at Lotus Pier!! (where wwx proceeds to pass out again!! Get used to it guys, he does this a lot)

Then the yunmeng sibs have a beautiful moment together

Okay, we’re gonna pause here BC WWX IS SO FREAKING ADORABLE??

He gets all pouty and asks jyl to clean his face for him bc his arms are too tired and jyl does it bc she loves her brother

AND HIS ADORABLE FACE

HIS SO CUTE ADORABLE FACE WHEN SHE CLEANS HIM UP

I CAN’T I CAN’T

IT’S TOO MUCH

HOW IS THIS GUY AN ACTUAL PERSON THAT EXISTS

Lol, wwx is like, i wish you’d been there in the cave with me jc, lan zhan almost bored me to death

What a liar, lol

Like he wasn't completely enraptured by LWJ's presence the ENTIRE TIME

Oh yikes, we’ve got some screwed up family dynamics in the Jiang Family courtesy of m-yu and jfm.

For the sake of my sanity we’re gonna gloss over that

Now that the parents stormed off, wwx does his best to console jc (bc his parents, double yikes)

Now watch me as a break down sobbing when wwx makes A PROMISE HE WON’T BE ABLE TO KEEEEEP

I’ll be your right hand man, he tells him. Gusu has the twin jades, but yunmeng will have twin heroes, he says

(WHY MUST YOU HURT ME THIS WAY, SHOW, WHYYYYY)

After wwx says those things about the twins, he looks up at the sky wistfully and asks jc “do you think we’ll ever see them again?”

“Them” he says, like he’s not completely talking about just lan zhan

jc’s like how the heck would i know???

And we end the episode with wwx still gazing at the sky, dreaming about his lan zhan

I mean, we don’t see it, the dreams or thoughts or whatever, but we kNOW IN OUR HEARTS THAT’S WHAT HE’S DOING

This was a Very Heterosexual episode. For that I give it 10/10 stars. I would watch that flashback sequence with him singing over and over and over and over and over and ov--

Return to Masterpost

#WangXiantics #wangxian #the untamed #cql

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puppyluver256 · 4 years

Text

Feelin’ musical and in an AU mood tonight

I wanna talk about Arcana Lily more but, like, in terms of music this time. Cuz Persona fans know how great the music in that series is, and I wanna associate parts of Arcana Lily with really cool music that isn’t just a “chill relaxing stuff that Habit prolly plays over the Habitat’s PA system” sorta deal...though some of ‘em would be that, of course (and also the SFM soundtrack is lovely and most of it is on my relaxing playlist, apart from the one that y’all know isn;t ;-) ). So here I goooooooo with rough approximations for the mood I’m going for. Well, a couple examples are Exact, but at that point it’s just SFM soundtrack. X3

Real world stuff Walkin’ around town (decided to name said town Laurel Heights): Your Affection (and yes I know this is sung by a Japanese vocalist while SFM--and thus this AU--takes place in the states, you don’t think my FK would be at least a little bit of a nerd and regularly listen to music from anime/video games? because they absolutely would) At school (calling it Astiris High School): Trainer School Hangin’ out with friends: Daily Life (for daytime hangouts) / New Lumos (for nighttime hangouts) Part-time jobs: ONBS Building Home: The Terrace

The other world “Eden” General non-affiliated Eden: PSA Hesperides, the Garden of Loneliness: Divine Bloodlines, or maybe this Gametal mix of Bloody Tears (guess this hints to whose Garden this would be without even having to drop a name huh ;P ) Nysa, the Garden of Indulgence: A Deep Mentality (and also while I’m on the subject, please take a listen to the Dancing Moonlight remix of this, Lotus Juice works magic as always) Themyscyra, the Garden of Fear: GaMetal’s remix of The Ultimate Show Avalon, the Garden of Scent: The Enchanted Earth / The Sleeping Village Ram Setu, the Garden of Regret: Ancient Cistern Lemuria, the Garden of Secrets: Rush Hour The Habitat Biarmaland, the Garden of Smiles: The Apartments Final Garden (not naming because super spoilers in case I write fic of this): Collapsing Time Rift (WARNING: there’s a rainbow overlay cycle on this vid and that might cause some eyestrain if you look at it for too long, it’s subtle and doesn’t cycle too quickly but jic)

Battle themes Normal battle: Theme of Bayonetta - Mysterious Destiny (it’s the instrumental version that was used in Smash, not really too invested in looking up the lyrical one oops) Miniboss (in specific Gardens): Tomorrow Is Mine (another Smash instrumental) Side bosses (like just from wandering around the outer parts of Eden or as part of s-link questlines): Let’s Dance, Boys! (another Smash version, not specifically labeled as instrumental so dunno if it’s originally got lyrics to it or not) Garden boss: Killing Two Birds Battle with Habit: Doctor Habit (because of course) but like...mixed in a less frantic way, I guess? Or maybe there’s a better way of thinking of this idk. Also tempted to throw in the Smash mix of Mad Monster Mansion, but that’s moreso just part of me sometimes still getting mental images of him in Smash and not anything really serious. XD maybe that one would signify he’s not really taking things seriously? Final battle (again, not clarifying anything for potential super-spoilers): Death Wish (WARNING: video has flashing effects that might cause eyestrain or MUCH WORSE idk how serious the effect would be for you just take precautions and maybe like scroll down to the comments section if you click this and that’s a Thing you need to watch out for) The inevitable superboss fight with Carla because this has happened with every Velvet Room assistant since Elizabeth and like hell am I keeping paper lady out of this: Aria of the Soul (Ultimate mix)

#smile for me #persona #arcana lily #jess the music fiend #technically #it's all links but it's also all music #and no i don't why i made a big chunk of the battle themes from freaking bayonetta #*know why #i've only played a little bit of the first one but even so bayonetta music is great

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