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#jihyun x mc
mystmesstolemysoul · 3 months
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What if MC had no choice but to reset? What if, after enough cycles through each story, they know exactly which night they'll go to sleep next to their love then wake up all alone with a text telling them to go to an address they already know by heart. What if MC was cursed with repeating the same events over and over again, falling in love but never getting to grow beyond a certain point with the love of their life?
(lil drabble below the cut. There's a little bit of reset theory sprinkled in, along with a smidge of reference to a song I think goes with MysMes perfectly)
Which guy I'm talking about is intentionally vague so you can imagine your fave <3
Angst with a happy? bittersweet? ending
Not proofread, I don't have time for that shit, sorry lol
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The first time it happened, it was jarring. A panic setting in as you woke up, back in your old old apartment, no sign of him anywhere. Had it all been a dream? Surely not.
Then came the text, and it all came flooding back. What was happening?
You were less fearful this time as you walked up to Rika's apartment, even knowing all that you did now about the mysterious circumstances that had brough you here.
When they, the RFA, your family, greeted you as a stranger, it stung in a painfully nostalgic way. Had they really forgotten all about you? But it wasn't that; they hadn't known you in the first place.
You did some things differently, this time around. You gave more attention to one of the members that you'd brushed off the first time. Confusion clouded you on day five when everything began to drift away from the story you remembered. Despite this change, your new bachelor managed to sweep you off your feet, though you always felt guilty whenever he, your lover from the first time, called or texted. You felt guilty having to push him away to stay loyal to your new man.
You had almost forgotten about that jarring day when everything had reset. Almost. Until it happened again. You were more prepared this time, but felt almost exceedingly empty as you read the text asking for your help. You wanted to ignore it, to stop this toying with your heart. But you knew you couldn't stay away from the RFA. You were bound, heart and soul. So you did as 'Unknown' asked.
You began to dread it more and more each new route, never knowing when you were going to wake up alone and start the cycle all over again. It became numbing. Heartbreaking. But you could never stay away.
Eventually, you'd seen every possible way it could end. There had been a time you'd hoped to find a road that wouldn't end. A path that wouldn't lead to you waking up alone, forced to greet your closest friends as new strangers. But you'd long since given that up.
You'd seen every success, every possible failure. Felt every swell of new love, every shattering heartbreak. Made friends, made enemies, just for it all to be washed away.
There was a time when you'd begun to intentionally run everything into the ground. It was easier to repeat random 5-day loops than to go months, years, before having it all ripped away from you. But bringing them heartbreak hurt you more.
You were careful now. So careful. Especially with him.
You could never bring yourself to be careless with him. You didn't know why, but after a while, he began to stick out to you more than all the rest. No matter which path you walked, he always caught your eye. The way he said things, his way of thinking, how he tried to look out for you in his own little way.
So you pursued him. You'd won his heart before, many times, but you did it again with a purpose. You knew it wouldn't last. You knew one day, you'd wake up and it would all be over. But you loved him. You really loved him. And when the night came that you knew would be the last, you tried desperately not to sleep. But it was as if some curse took over you, forcing your eyes to close. When you awoke, it was all gone.
But you wouldn't let that stop you. Again, you followed him, your north star, your guiding light. Again, you won his heart. And again, you woke up. It was the third time when you noticed something different. Just a moment. A spark. A faint look in his eyes when you saw him face to face, some wondrous shock, as if he couldn't believe you'd chosen him. More than that usual look in his eyes when he saw you for what you believed to be his first time.
But the look wasn't enough for you to say something. Not yet. But a fourth time, you chose him. Then a fifth. Till finally, on the sixth time through, he gave you a look as if you'd gone insane, and he loved you for it. You'd asked without thinking. "You remember, don't you?"
He hadn't had to speak a word for you to know the answer. You knew him too well. He woke up alone, the same as you. And you loved him fiercer. Again and again and again, determined now to always choose him. No matter how repetitive, no matter how painful, you couldn't choose anyone but him, knowing he'd have to watch you fall in love with another man if you chose any other path.
When the fateful night settled in, wrapped up in each others arms, you were silent. You both knew what this night meant. When the daylight comes I'll have to go. You felt his tears trickle into your hair. "I don't wanna start all over."
And you didn't either. "I know, baby, I know." You held him so close, promising, "I'll choose you. I'll always choose you." And you meant it. You'd never be able to make it through now without him. You had him, now, and you weren't letting go.
And when the daylight comes I'll have to go, but tonight I'm gonna hold you so close, 'cause in the daylight we'll be on our own, but tonight I'm gonna hold you so close.
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pochipop · 2 years
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#MYSTIC MESSENGER !! ♡ — LOVE LANGUAGES (GIVING/RECEIVING).
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#. synopsis! — how they love and like to be loved .
#. characters! — jumin, yoosung, jihyun (v), saeran (ray), hyun (zen), saeyoung (707) .
#. warnings! — none .
#. alt accounts! — @ddollipop (nsfw) @yyolkchi (reblog/spam) .
#. others! — navigation & masterlist .
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𖦹. ━ JUMIN !!
Jumin gives gifts and acts of service. The revolving door of women his father brought in and out of his life profoundly impacted Jumin's view of love. He hardened himself to the idea of it all, closing his emotions off in order to protect himself. Allowing himself to feel, to love and be loved in turn, is a foreign concept to him. However, Jumin is well accustomed to offering physical things as a means of showing appreciation; so giving gifts is a natural part of his immediate range. The same goes for providing acts of service. He's long been seen as the capable businessman, secure in his ability to complete tasks efficiently, so actively doing things for you comes easily to him. Jumin presents you with flowers often, and buys you new jewelry every few weeks. He also indulges you in your hobbies, giving you things to support your endeavors in order to silently cheer you on when words don't come as easily. He offers to help you even when it's clear you don't need it, —just to be sure, and he's on top of every chore and every need you share with him.
Jumin likes to receive quality time & words of affirmation. As a businessman, Jumin knows how precious time is. He's worked against thousands of deadlines by this point in his life, —has set a thousand more in turn, and understands the importance of punctuality and diligence. By no means is his interpersonal relationship standard different in that regard. He feels loved and special when you actively make time for him, because he knows that when someone does that, it's because they care. A lot. Jumin has many insecurities about being in a romantic relationship, worried that he might make one wrong move and watch the foundation crumble. More than anything, he fears being alone. However, those worries can be quenched easily enough by some softly spoken words. Whisper in his ear when he's almost asleep, —pull him in and kiss at the shell of his ear before telling him you're thankful for all the things he's done for you. Shower him in praise every once and a while; let him bask in it. Offering words of affirmation to him will let him know he's doing alright, especially on the days when he feels inadequate as a lover, will go more than a long way. It doesn't take much to soothe him down when it comes from you.
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𖦹. ━ YOOSUNG !!
Yoosung gives physical touch. He's far from shy about loving you. In fact, Yoosung is beyond proud to have you by his side. He really feels like he hit the jackpot with you, —admires you as a person as much as he loves you as a partner. He thinks you're the best, sweetest, most capable person in the entire world, and he shows all of that through lots of varying physical means. Whenever the two of you go out together, his hand is sure to slip its way into your own very quickly. Behind closed doors, he's infinitely clingier. Not that he doesn't understand personal space, and he'll be sure to give it to you if you express that you need it, but Yoosung's main and most prominent love language is physical touch, and he'd like to be near you as often as possible. It doesn't have to be overt: something as simple as sitting close together with your knees resting against one another's is something he'll offer to show he loves you. More than anything, he likes to give you hugs, —the kind that feel a little crushing at first until you relax into them. The warm kind that make you feel safe. Yoosung likes to play with your fingers and hair, likes to trail his fingers down your arms when you're resting against him. He'll press kisses wherever he can: your knuckles, the crown of your head, your cheeks, your forehead, —you name it.
Yoosung likes to receive words of affirmation. All things considered, Yoosung is by no means a demanding partner. In fact, he expects very little from you and would never press for something you were unwilling to give. Still, even someone like him, who comes across as very happy-go-lucky and aloof, needs reassurance every once in a while. In reality, he might need it more than most. He might not show it, but insecurity eats him alive at night, keeps him awake. It doesn't have to be gushing praise, —it doesn't even have to be overwhelmingly overt. Just small acknowledgments in tiny increments, like telling him he should rest because he worked hard today or reminding him to eat properly because he needs to take care of himself. Compliments about his appearance are the least needed since Yoosung isn't much concerned with looks of all things, but he does like to be told that he's handsome, and even if being called "cute" isn't favorable from others, he likes it when you say it. When it comes from you, it doesn't feel condescending, and it doesn't feel like you're speaking down to him or downplaying his maturity. It just makes him smile.
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𖦹. ━ JIHYUN !!
Jihyun gives quality time + acts of service. Guilt runs deep, and Jihyun has not shed the skin of the man he used to be. He has yet to grow into the new flesh of the person he's always yearned to be. He hesitates to touch or offer words of affirmation, lest he make a mistake. But he feels most confident when you sit alongside him; when you watch him work, sit somewhere in the distance and let him take candid pictures of you that he treasures. That quality time fuels him, gives him hope for a brighter future; one where the stars never fail to shine. He likes to feel your presence, even if only from a distance sometimes. Jihyun also goes out of his way to be kind, not out of obligation, but out of desire. When you smile, he feels the warmth of the sun on his skin, —and he seeks to bathe in it for as long as you'll allow. So, he makes you tea or coffee in the mornings, memorizes all your favorite add-ins and the exact amounts you prefer. He pays close attention to the things you enjoy and will offer to help whenever he gets the opportunity. He would go to the ends of the Earth for you if the need arose, but for now, he hopes this freshly prepared lunch is enough to show his love.
Jihyun likes to receive quality time. Since brushing death, Jihyun has come to realize that life is short. In realizing that, he likes to take your time, even if that seems selfish at points. He wants nothing more than for you to be with him, no matter what either of you are doing. He's happy to sit in a silent room with you as you read or finish up some work. All he wants is to be near you. Sometimes, he thinks it's because he hasn't quite grasped that you really do love him, which is of no fault of your own, and unconditionally at that. He hasn't fully processed that you'll love him even when he's weak, —even when he's down and has no idea how to stand up on his own two feet again. All he really wants is for you to be there through all the seasons of him. Experience the chilliest of winters, the most colorful autumns, the sweltering summers, and be there when the middle ground is found once more in his blissful spring retreats as new flowers blossom in the wake of his pent-up tears. He just wants to know that he can turn your way and find you there, ready and willing to listen or even just sit with him for a while.
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𖦹. ━ SAERAN !!
Saeran gives acts of service. It's something he's long grown accustomed to, but this time, they're all of his own free will. Words often fail him, and he clams up when the pressure builds, insisting that there's nothing he wants to say. Be patient with him; give him the time he needs to process things, to accept that he deserves to be loved and to love you. Until then, look for his love in the acts of service he provides. His affection is threaded through the snacks he brings to you when he knows you've been working on something for a while, —it's written in between the lines of the way he makes your dinner plate first and takes it when you're finished to wash the dishes before you can make the move to do so. Saeran's love is muted sometimes, and maybe it's not as loud as he'd like it to be, but he's trying his best one day at a time. Let him take care of the chores he knows you dislike, let him soothe his fears of being unworthy as he asks if you need anything every time he gets up to go to the kitchen. He doesn't yet have another way to tell you how he feels. But know he cares, and he's trying every single day, both for himself and for you.
Saeran likes to receive physical touch + words of affirmation. Though he rarely reacts to either, whether that be positive or negative, he likes it when you put your arms around his neck, pull him in close, and tell him that he's enough. Not in that exact phrasing, of course, as that might be a bit overwhelming to him, but when you thank him for the things he does, he knows what you mean. He appreciates compliments about his intelligence, especially when they don't pertain to his work. Saeran also feels hideous sometimes; both inside and out, so compliments about his physical appearance and general personality go a long way. Especially when you acknowledge that he pays attention to your needs, —those comments let him know that you take his actions into consideration and that you see him, that you see his expressions of love, even if they're quiet. Saeran also yearns for warmth. Share yours with him. Don't be offended by the way he tenses sometimes, or the way his body reacts slowly to physical affection. He likes it, he just isn't used to it yet. But he wants to be. Run your thumb across his knuckles and let him melt into you, let his weary head rest on your shoulder. He needs it.
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𖦹. ━ HYUN (ZEN) !!
Hyun gives physical touch + quality time. When he touches you, each one is a way for him to say "I love you" without having to muster up the courage to do so through verbal means. That's the hard part, and he worries that saying it might make it too real for you, —it makes him scared that you might hear it and run. That's just his own insecurity talking, but his perception is his reality. Feel his love through the way his fingertips ghost across your skin, in the way his lips press against your temple. Hyun cares more than he could ever say with words. When it comes to you, he can't act the part. Everything is stripped bare, core exposed when he's with you. In that time, —the time he makes for you amidst memorizing lines and weaving his way through adoring fans, Hyun is quick to realize what means the most to him. He loves his job, loves performing, loves being an actor, but he loves you just as much. The time he spends with you is sacred to him, and he values it. He just hopes you do too. Though he's a busybody, someone who likes to be doing things at all times in order to feel productive, Hyun still cherishes the moments of peace he finds with you, and he'd give anything to make them longer: even infinite.
Hyun likes to receive words of affirmation + physical touch. Though he's accustomed to compliments as someone who works on the stage under bright, white lights, compliments from you about any and everything are just. . . Different. They hold a different weight than all the others, perhaps because you know him so intimately, and when you tell him he's handsome, you mean it in a way that his fans simply can't. You mean it in the way that every part of him is pretty, —even the ones he hates and tries to bury deep inside. You mean it in the way that he's always dreamed someone would. Hyun also likes to be touched as much as he likes touching you; and little things go a long way. Holding his hand, letting him rest in your lap, smoothing your thumb over the side of his palm when you lace your fingers with his. . . He goes crazy for that stuff, watches himself divulge into a lovesick mess when you kiss him and make him feel like he's the only man in the world. All he really wants is to be enough, and when you hold him close, he knows he is.
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𖦹. ━ SAEYOUNG (707) !!
Saeyoung gives gifts + acts of service. He often feels that his touch, time, and words are invaluable, and his upbringing influenced those feelings into fruition. Saeyoung often feels inadequate and uses humor to cover the scars that run deeper than any flesh wound ever could. Because of this, he often uses his wealth to purchase items for you, and he uses those gifts to express his affections. It's easier for him to give you a present than it is to work up the courage to pull you in and squeeze you until he's had his fill. He also expresses himself through acts of service, —things like getting your favorite snacks and making sure they're always available for you or offering to help you when he sees that you're the one cleaning up around his place rather than Vanderwood, even when he's preoccupied by something else. He's quick to jump at any opportunity to do something kind for you, and he'd even go to dangerous lengths to do it. Not that it'll be necessary!
Saeyoung likes to receive words of affirmation, physical touch, and quality time. He desires everything he fears would never be enough from him. Though he tries not to show it, it's easy for someone close to him (metaphorically and in proximity) to see when he's beating himself up over something. Offer him comfort: hold him, tell him that it's okay for him to not be perfect all the time. He's allowed to feel things, is allowed to make mistakes, because before being a hacker, before being your lover, —he is human. Sometimes, it seems that he forgets that. Your embrace offers him a sanctuary from the harsh realities of the world. Your words numb the ache that lingers in his soul. If you can, he'd also like it if you'd sit with him while he works. It doesn't have to be close to him, —just being in the same room tells him everything he needs to know. He wants your time, even if he's scared to ask for it directly. He wants to crumble into pieces in your arms every once in a while, just so you can hold him together. Saeyoung is human, after all.
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1K notes · View notes
shxtodxroki · 5 months
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𝚂𝚒𝚖𝚙𝚕𝚎 𝙿𝚕𝚎𝚊𝚜𝚞𝚛𝚎𝚜
Summary: You’re cuddling with Jihyun, but he’s oddly quiet, as if he’s listening to something specific. And when you eventually ask why, you learn about your boyfriend’s biggest joy in life (aside from you, of course).
Flufftober Day 8 Prompt: Rainy Day
Warnings: Mentions/hints towards depression, mentions of V slowly losing his eyesight
Pairing: V ( Jihyun Kim) x Gender Neutral! Reader
Word Count: 1.3k
Check out my full Flufftober masterlist here!
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The room is silent, almost eerily so, as you sit beside your boyfriend with curious eyes and a mind full of wonder. You’re cozily cuddled up to his side, the fireplace running as you wrap both of your arms around one of his and press your cheek into his sweater. But for some reason, neither of you have said anything at all for the past ten minutes, your lover silently staring at the roof as if listening for something, or perhaps listening to something? You’re not particularly sure, but he seems more at peace than he hardly ever does, leaving you hesitant to disturb his clear serenity and risk wiping the soft, barely-there smile clean off his face.
Though you don’t wish to interrupt the silence of the room, you do slowly begin to sneak one of your hands down towards his palm, carefully linking your fingers with his. He lets you without a second thought, always open to your touch even when he’s not particularly paying attention, though your movements don’t seem to draw him out of his thoughts or his listening in the slightest as he remains quiet and stoic. Your cheek nuzzles against the fuzziness of his wool sweater in search of warmth despite the fire going at the other end of the room and the blanket currently being shared across your two bodies, as his warmth is like none other to you. A blanket and a fire can only warm your surface, but he’s able to get rid of the chill in your bones, able to make your soul feel light and airy to your core even with his own demons.
The fingers of your free hand slowly begin to dance up his sleeve, mindlessly playing with the soft fabric in your hands as your eyes turn up to his face. You could study him all day, you really could. He’s a living work of art, a being somehow painted perfectly, or photographed by an eye even more meticulous than his own. There’s not one feature of his that you don’t love, from his striking, vibrant hair to his soft, plush lips to his short, gentle fingernails that he lets you paint whenever you ask. He’s more precious than diamond or gold to your aching heart, and as he stares at nothing at all and finds himself lost in sounds unbeknownst to you, you find yourself thinking that he looks even more statuesque and gorgeous than usual as he sports one of his increasingly rare grins.
Though you’re desperate to hold his peace, to let him ruminate in this happiness that he’s so visibly experiencing for once, your curiosity eventually wins out as you ponder what could possibly be enrapturing him so much. Your hand gently squeezes his as you silently plead for his attention, gently snuggling into him once more as you look up at him and meet his gaze with soft, questioning eyes.
“What are you thinking about, love?” You ask quietly, careful to keep your voice low in hopes of preserving this moment’s serenity. “You seem really lost in something, but I can’t quite figure out what.”
Jihyun can’t help but let out a soft chuckle to your words, his free hand gently moving to trace along your knuckles as he responds. “....Can you hear that, angel?” He asks with a soft smile, and when you stop to listen, you can’t seem to hear much aside from a small, distant pitter-patter.
Tink. Tink. Tink. The sound barely echoes through the room, and for a second you think that can’t possibly be what your boyfriend’s referring to. You have no clue what it even is, how could it be significant enough for him to comment on?
But then, like a strike of lightning in your neurons, you realize that the sound is the soft patter of rain against your roof, your eyes glancing towards the window as you watch the droplets race down the glass panes and fill the sky with a grey smog. You had never known your lover to be particularly fascinated with the rain, but many people enjoyed the sights and sounds of fresh rainfall, though you were still curious if there was a deeper root as to why he seemed so utterly lost in the echoes of the downpour.
“The rain?” You ask for confirmation, your fingers squeezing his hand once more as he wordlessly nods in response. “I suppose I can, it’s pretty quiet though. I didn’t know you liked the rain so much….” You mutter, prompting him for further elaboration, if there was any to discuss in the first place.
He doesn’t answer right away, simply giving you another soft smile as he pulls you closer than before. He was being awfully generous today, showing off the beauty that is his smile more frequently than he had ever since you had met him, and the mere sight makes your heart swell to the brim. You suddenly find yourself incredibly thankful for the rain, your gratitude for the way it’s brightened your lover’s attitude pouring out of you and rivaling the steady downfall outside even if you can’t understand it. Until he finally explains it to you, the best he can, and gives you a window into his mind.
“Well… my eyesight is nearly gone now.” He starts with a sigh, though he doesn’t sound as melancholy as he typically does when the topic is brought up. That mention instantly piques your curiosity further, however, and you listen with rapt attention as he continues as the pads of your fingers mindlessly grip his sleeve. “So I can’t enjoy many of the things that used to calm me down before. The sight of flowers in a vibrant garden, the fireplace flaring up on a cold night, the thrill of getting to photograph a precious sight… honestly, I was starting to think I had nothing besides you that made me feel relaxed anymore.”
Of course you knew he had been suffering as the deterioration of his eyesight progressed. Anyone in his position would, and you had witnessed firsthand the simple pleasures of nature in his life slowly decreasing as his vision went more and more. But you hadn’t realized just how bad it had been mentally wounding him until this moment, and your heart aches for him as you patiently wait for him to continue at his own pace.
“But…. I can still enjoy the rain. Rain has never been about the sight for me, unlike most things that soothe my mind. It…. it’s more about the sound of the rain hitting the house, the smell of the mist in the air…. I guess I’m just happy that I haven’t lost all of my favorite parts of nature. That I can still enjoy things like this with the senses I do still have.”
Though your heart still holds a crack in response to his troubles, you feel tears of relief begin weighing down your waterline as his smile grows wider than it’s been all day. You suddenly shift your weight to meet him eye-to-eye after taking a moment to compose yourself, taking your sweet, fragile man’s precious face in your hands as you stare at him with a cheesy, lovestruck smile.
“You know, I think you’ve made me love the rain too.” You whisper, before leaning in and connecting your lips in a tender, gentle kiss. It’s brief, a few seconds at most, but he’s able to understand without words just how thankful you are for this moment. How thankful you are that he’s smiling again, that he’s found something besides his lover that still brings him joy. You’ve had to watch him lose so much along with his eyesight, sticking by his side through all of his worst moments along this journey, and through this kiss he realizes that you dream of him never losing joys like the rain ever again.
You’re unable to resist the urge to brush your thumb against the soft skin of his cheek as you pull away from this kiss, your finger slowly tracing along his sharp jawline as you press another peck to his cheek. “If it makes you happy, then I hope it rains every day. Anything to see you smile. “ You tell him with a voice full of fondness, and right then Jihyun knows that he could lose every other pleasure in life - rain included - and still be perfectly satisfied, as long as he still had you to love and hold throughout the rest of his life.
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Request - Anonymous said: hello, darling! how are you? for your flufftober could you write something for v from mysme, please???
A/N: Ahhhh so sorry for my absence during my school-related slump, but I am STILL going to catch up these next few days because I REALLY want to see this event through to the end since I’m having tons of fun with it! Honestly I don’t know much about V (haven’t been down his route yet, and there’s been very little about him in the routes I’ve been down so far) so I hope this is okay! I think it turned out really sweet at least, I’m pretty proud of this so I hope you guys enjoy it as well! :> Also my requests are currently open, so if you have any requests for any fandoms I write for feel free to send them my way!
Taglist: @flufftober
If you’d like to be added to any of my taglists, you can fill out this form here! Thank you for your support <3
75 notes · View notes
xelasrecords · 2 months
Text
Locus of Pain
Kim Jihyun x MC
NSFW
MC doesn't tell Jihyun she's hurt. He finds out anyway.
I'm back with smutty and messy ambiguous relationships! With GE Jihyun's personality. I will forever campaign for his GE personality until it becomes mainstream in fics and I don't have to put a disclaimer anymore.
TW: discussions on adult child abuse, self-destructive thoughts and actions, brief mild gore imagery, self-harm
Words: 4.5k
Masterlist Read on AO3
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She stumbled into the apartment with a pained grunt.
She ought to feel bad for staining the floor with her blood, but she had more important matters to attend to. Her back was burning with lacerations and every step she took was straining the bruises that had burrowed into her muscles.
She tried not to swing her hands too much as she headed for the bathroom, disposing of her jacket at the foot of the bed. For once she was thankful for Rika's cramped apartment. It could be suffocating at times, but it was easy to live in. Jihyun said Rika had a taste of unassuming minimalism. She thought building a gilded emerald cult with thousands of followers was pushing the definition.
Gripping the edge of the sink, she clenched her jaw and started peeling off her blood-crusted shirt. The injuries shouldn't be too deep since the blood had stopped flowing down her back like a free-flowing motherfucker. But as she pulled the shirt over her head, it tore the barely knit skin apart, and warm blood started to trickle down again.
She cursed her thin epidermis. It was not supposed to tear over a mere picture frame thrown at it, even if the frame was large enough to cover half of the bedroom wall.
Her father had excellent aim and strength. He had proven that to her many times.
Sometimes she fantasised about breaking his skull in with a scorching hot pan, wondering if his hair would melt from the heat or if his eyes would bulge out of their sockets. Would he scream for her help? Would he plead for mercy or curse her for being a demon spawn? Then, she could blame him for fathering such an evil inside her.
Her stomach curdled with guilt. The resentment was hers alone, and he had loved her despite her selfishness. She couldn't shed away the primal care she had for him. She was her mother's daughter, after all.
Twisting her body in the mirror, she made a quick work of cataloguing her injuries. Two long gashes that dipped into her flesh but wouldn't require stitches, one blackening bruise near her ribs, and several cuts and bruises that stippled across her back. She tested her breathing. No wheezing. No punctured lung. An improvement from the last time. Jihyun wouldn't need to know.
She stepped into the shower and washed off the blood. The cold water chilled her bones. But it had to. It was better to feel all of it. She had asked for his wrath and now she dealt with the consequences. Besides, it helped with closing the wounds.
After she put on a pair of shorts, she reached for a bottle of alcohol from the medicine cabinet. Sharp gasps escaped her mouth every so often as she tried to pour just enough. Medicine was costly and she shouldn't waste it. The burn blinded her vision white and she hunched over the sink, focusing on the cold ceramic under her fingertips and the slicing of tiles beneath her bare feet.
When her sight had stopped swimming, she took a deep breath and bent her arm behind her in awkward angles to slap adhesive bandages to the wounded area. She grunted in frustration. It was tougher than she'd thought. She was nauseous from constantly looking up to check her reflection, the evening autumn draft was pricking at her exposed skin, and the plasters kept sticking to the wrong place.
She glared at the mirror. Do not faint.
How many nights had she spent patching herself up? And yet she still struggled. Her lack of progress was almost laughable.
She didn't think there were any glass shards embedded in her though. One good thing that came out of this. She tried not to think about the larger shard she had pocketed when the picture frame glass shattered, now buried under the bloody heap of clothes.
She froze when she heard someone punching in the door passcode.
She was about to kick her bathroom door close when Jihyun entered and switched on the lights from down the hallway. Their eyes locked, and he stopped in his tracks. Her throat constricted.
This was not how she wanted him to ever see her.
His face grew horrified, and he dropped his satchel in his rush to get to her. She had a fleeting worry that his satchel might have dropped onto the blood-stained floor and she might have ruined his fine leather bag.
Jihyun stood before her, his mouth opened and closed. She schooled her face into indifference and waited.
"You—" he started, "what happened?"
The impulse to lie was on the tip of her tongue, but she couldn't find a good reason to when he had caught her like this. She doubted he would believe her excuses. The day had been long and she was so tired.
"A jolly good ol' catch-up with my parents." Her tone was casual.
Jihyun watched her with a worried frown, then squeezed into the small space and ran the tap water through his hands. He was moving with a surprising efficiency as he lathered his hands with soap before scanning her injuries and her first aid supplies.
"Please let me help." His teal eyes were desperate. She had forgotten how luminous they were from up close. "You can't do this alone."
"You shouldn't have come here tonight."
"I'm well-versed in healing people," he urged. "I used to heal my own injuries when I was with Rika. I treated hers as well. I know enough, so you can trust me." His fingers twitched, almost reaching for her before dropping to his side. "Please."
More than the fact that she was found out, she hated that she had made Jihyun worry about her. The only thing she excelled at was to instil negative feelings in people who cared about her. Always wrath in her parents, sometimes concern in Jihyun.
Jihyun had never lost his head at her, but she was waiting for it to happen. No one had the patience of a saint, not even him.
It was a pity she had condemned him to another relationship where he had to play the caretaker. Letting him treat her would be an appropriate compensation for his scare. "Go on," she said. "But I should probably lie down."
Relief flooded his face. "That would be the best. Can you walk on your own?"
She nodded, but he held her arm and assisted her to the bed. He sat her down, slowly, and helped her settle into a comfortable position to lie prone in. She buried her face into the pillow that smelled faintly of mint leaves. It was Jihyun's side of the bed. It comforted her that he was permanent enough in her life that she could find traces of him in her private space.
"Has it always been this bad?" Jihyun asked quietly. The feeling of his lithe fingers inspecting her skin with clinical precision was unfamiliar. His touches were always loving, adoring, not stiff with anxiety. He had never seen her with weeping wounds. She had never let him into the truth.
"Only when I deliberately provoke them. Mother goes off the rails, father blames me for not caring about my own parents, I try to save myself before things escalate." She raised her head and smirked at him. "I don't always succeed though. Got a picture frame to my back, as you can see. Took being backstabbed by your family to the next level. They were supposed to hang it where their guests could see, but I doubt they'd hang it without the glass now. People would ask."
There was a brief silence before he spoke. "That's terrible." His voice was soft, barely a murmur. "I'm so sorry. I didn't know they are violent."
She shrugged. "You're not the one who should apologise. And they will anyway, once they think I've iced them out for too long. Not that it means anything."
He shook his head, and strands of aquamarine hair fell across his forehead. They softened the distress that wrought his features. "You're not a mouse they can play with."
"No, I'm just their daughter they can hurt," she said. Jihyun pressed a bandage against the grisliest gash across her back and she winced. "Do you think it'll scar?"
"It most likely will. Had it been any deeper, you would have needed stitches." He paused, his palm resting on her spine. "Why didn't you call me?"
"It didn't occur to me," she lied. She wanted to lay down her defences and curl into his arms. She didn't want to keep fighting for herself. There were times when escaping was better than fighting for nothing, but it wasn't something she could ask from him. Her cage was her own.
Jihyun's fingers curled against her skin, and she could sense the waves of sorrow unfurling around her. "Can you think of me from now on? It doesn't have to be all the time, moments when you are hurt will do. If you call, I will come."
"I think of you all the time, Jihyun."
"Oh. I didn't know that." The surprise was evident in his tone. He applied another bandage to her back, smoothing it cautiously over the raw wound. "But I know no one is meant to bear their burden alone. You have been through so much."
"So have you, love. I'm not special." She gave him a bitter smile. "Now, why did you come here unannounced?"
Jihyun studied her for several seconds. "I wanted to see you," he said. "You've been withdrawn lately, so I thought something had happened."
She chuckled. "I suppose this counts as something."
"I never had to imagine you in my position before," he said. "I thought you'd confide in me when you're hurt. It's what you always urge me to do. You taught me to be more trusting. But seeing you like this makes me realise how much fear you and Jumin must have felt when I took matters into my own hands." He let out a ragged sigh. "I don't know how I would cope if I came here one day and saw you unconscious on the floor."
Lucky he wasn't here when she blacked out from a concussion a few months ago.
She made a dismissive gesture. "Do as I say, not as I do."
"Only if you let me do the same thing."
She levelled a glare at him. "Definitely not."
Jihyun snorted but worked silently after. The stinging pain was dulling into low throbs. She had lost count of the bandages he used, but it must have been more than necessary. She felt the adhesives even on the spots that didn't require them. Jihyun was being excessive. After everything she had gone through, she was confident that a small, uncovered cut wouldn't be her reason to die.
He should know. He had been stabbed and was still alive fretting over her.
She heard him uncapping an ointment and felt a cool sensation on her skin. He carefully massaged the salve into the bruises, sending shivers throughout her body. How nice he was. How patient. How kind.
When he pushed her hair aside to tend to the base of her neck, her breath caught. His fingertips sent fire down her synapses. It had been so long since they did anything. The distance she put between them was growing taut. The farther she pulled, the harder she would crash back into him.
Her arm moved on its own accord when she grabbed Jihyun's fingers and pressed her lips to the back of his hand. The strong herbal scent from the salve burned her nose, but this smooth hand was his. Hers.
Jihyun was always there for her to come back to.
He was not home. Home, to her, was not something that she ever longed to go. It was the misery that strangled her into obedience and shrunk her world into a dark, bleak place to survive in.
He was her sanctuary on a far-off island. Nothing could get to them when they were together.
Jihyun let out a light chuckle that sang to her heart. "Let me wash my hands. I don't want to make you any more ill."
She squeezed his hand. "I missed you too, you know. I'm glad you're with me."
He stilled, then crouched beside her head. He tucked the hair that obscured her face behind her ear and kissed her temple before gently wrestling his hand out of her grasp. The shape of his lips was just as she remembered it.
She watched him rinse the blood from her clothes and exhaled in relief when he didn't stray to her trousers' pocket. She watched him clean his hands with water trickling down his forearms, the brown sleeves of his sweatshirt pulled up and collecting water at the elbows. She watched him storing the first aid kit and medicines in the cabinet to her preferred arrangement. She watched him doing useless things for her.
When Jihyun climbed into the bed and rested against the headboard, she asked, "Do you know what the worst part of this is?"
He stared down at her, eyes carrying a heavy sorrow. "That your parents don't know how to love you?"
"Not even close." She rolled her eyes. "I've known that all my life. Not being able to lean against anything is the real tragedy. Look at me, I can't even sit comfortably beside you."
"But you can come closer," he said slowly.
She raised her brows but let him guide her to lie on his chest, his fingers resting on her bare shoulders.
He was clothed and she wasn't and it was something she needed to rectify.
She tangled her leg around his and relaxed her head against his beating heart. It was thrumming to a rising tempo that mirrored hers. She toyed with a loose thread on the neck of his sweatshirt. "I wish you weren't so good at fixing up injuries like mine. I wish you never had to learn."
"It's all in the past now." He slipped his fingers into the gaps between hers and clasped them. "I'd go through it again if I had known it would help alleviate your pain."
She snapped up at him. "Your martyr streak needs to stop."
"I have stopped. Just allow me this one exception." He planted a chaste kiss on her mouth, then cleared his throat. "Will you meet your parents again?"
She tightened the thread around her forefinger until it looked like diagonally dissected blocks of meat and she could barely feel its existence. "I know they do horrible things sometimes, but I can't cut them off. It's not that easy. I still love them. When they're not mad, they can be easy to love."
Jihyun frowned at her finger and gently untangled the thread before snapping it off. "That's what makes leaving harder, isn't it?" The haunting in his face revealed the extent of horrors that he had experienced. An angel with a darkened, torn soul who was still rising high above. He was not her. She liked that about him. "It's easier to hate someone when they have only been awful to you. It's their residual goodwill that gives you hope that they will change. When I look back to how stubbornly I stood beside Rika, I understand. Left in the dark, we cling to the light. We forget who trapped us there in the first place."
She didn't want to admit that Jihyun was right. That he was right, yet it would not change anything.
She wondered if she had been drawn to him because the subconscious part of her knew he would understand. Jihyun knew how to make her feel less alone in the guilt and resentment and twisted love that she couldn't untangle herself from. Most people were not like him. She learned from a young age that if people found out about the abuse, they would either urge her to leave—which added unnecessary pressure on her because it was never an option—or give her pitiful looks while stumbling over their words.
"Jihyun," she said.
He drew his thumb over her chin. "Yes?"
Jihyun reciprocated with more caution, treading her lips like they were a treasure trove. He gave in eventually when she didn't show a sign of discomfort, his kiss matching her intensity.
"Don't go." She pushed herself up and crashed her lips into his.
It was fervent, maddening, and she poured all the tension from their time of separation into it. The yearning to see him. The stress from her parents meddling with her happiness. Everything she had been missing after being alone for so long.
She bit his lower lip and slipped her tongue into his mouth. He gripped her shoulders, pulling her closer until she was pressed against him. His hands were not sliding down her waist and everywhere else like he tended to. He kept his hold staunchly on her arms even as he deepened the kiss.
It hit her what he was doing. He was being considerate of her battered body.
She let out a sob into his mouth. Nobody had ever cared for her like this. She could stand all the violence flung at her, but one act of kindness felled her to her knees.
Jihyun pulled away in an instant, his glazed eyes searching across her face and body. "Are you all right? Did I hurt you?"
She shook her head. "I was just thinking about you. You're wonderful. I missed you." Jihyun's expression was guarded, appraising her, and she let him. She had spoken the truth. She offered the truth so rarely that she would not omit more of it if it concerned his regard for himself. "I'm fine, Jihyun."
He gave a slow nod, and she tugged off his cashmere sweater. With a tender touch, she ran her hand through the ragged red patches of skin that stood out against his pale torso. Burn scars from a house fire. Both of them had childhood wounds woven into their very being. The past was made permanent on their skin.
Jihyun squirmed, seemingly self-conscious, despite her being familiar with the scars, but he made no attempts to stop her. He was beautiful, body and soul, she thought. He had more love and forgiveness in him than anyone she had ever known.
She trailed kisses along his jaw and sucked on the juncture behind his ear. He moaned and curved his body against her, and she smiled into his neck. It was amusing, the reactions that she could elicit out of him. No one could touch him as she could. He did not let anyone else know him intimately like this. He was only for her.
She suspected all of this played into his pleasure as well.
She twined her fingers around his hair, marvelling at the softness of it, and pulled it back to bare his throat. He had such a beautiful throat.
She didn't apply much pressure as she wrapped her hand around it, but his breath hitched. Her lips curved into a sly smile, her other hand wandering down his hard bulge. "I don't know why being choked always turns you on."
Jihyun held his gaze on her despite his reddening complexion. "I can feel you wanting me when you hold me like this."
"I do want you." She swung her leg astride him, straddling his hips and rested her forehead against his. The hard-on beneath her was hard to ignore. "It drives me out of my mind when I can't be with you."
"You shouldn't have pushed me away," he murmured. "I'll still want you, however you are, whatever condition you are in. You're always just you to me. Nothing can make me want you less."
"I'm sorry," she said. Jihyun closed his eyes, and she kissed his eyelid with a gentleness that she reserved only for him. "I'm sorry I left you alone."
He cradled her cheek, and she basked in the warmth of it. The safety of him. He was here and she couldn't fight the temptation to lose herself in him. "You didn't leave me alone. I belong with you. Anywhere you run to, you take me with you. I'm yours."
She tightened her hold on his throat to see his reaction. "You're mine," she whispered.
A slow smile graced his delicate face. "I am. I'm yours."
Jihyun drew her closer by the elbow and peppered kisses on her mouth, her chin, her throat, and her collarbones. He palmed her breasts and sucked her nipple while tweaking the other with his fingers. They hardened at his touch and she moaned his name, demanding him to be harder, rougher.
She needed to feel everything.
He bit her nipple and her hand slipped to the base of his skull, grasping at his hair. He was hers. His action and devotion were hers. It sent a deluge of pleasure down her core. Jihyun could be gentle, but he was also earnest to give her the satisfaction she sought.
She wanted him. She wanted him. She wanted him more than the freedom from her wretched life.
"I love you." She tipped his chin back. "I love you, Jihyun. Remember it."
He smiled up at her, his pupils blown wide with lust. "I love you, too."
She reached down and unbuckled his trousers. She had done more strenuous activities in a worse state, so fucking him wouldn't damage her already mangled body. But Jihyun stilled her wrist when he saw through her intention.
She narrowed her gaze. "I'm on the pill."
"You're hurt," he said. "I don't want to worsen your injuries."
"Have you not treated them?"
His grip wasn't loosening. "You need more time to heal. The wounds may open again."
"Then go slow."
Jihyun hesitated.
"Please," she croaked.
As soon as she uttered the word, she knew she had him. He sighed, but let go of her wrist. "You'll have to be careful. I'm stopping this if you push yourself too far."
"Brilliant."
Jihyun pulled down his trousers while she discarded her shorts. She lowered herself into him, relishing in the feel of him filling her. He ran his hands up and down her waist tentatively until he was sure that he wasn't touching any of the injuries on her back. Only then did he allow himself to move into her with practised ease. She held onto his shoulders and rolled her hips in tandem, burying her face into his neck and letting him control the pace. Jihyun had meant his warning and she was not eager to risk it.
It felt new. It felt familiar. It was what she had yearned for. His low grunts, her body slanting forward to hit the right spot, their skin sticking to each other in sweat and slick wetness.
Jihyun was slow, unhurried, with faint caresses down her back. His concern for her was easy to read. He was tracing back the pain that he couldn't protect her from. He might no longer bear a debilitating guilt, but she didn't think he could ever eradicate his need to shield her from misfortunes.
She couldn't blame him. It was the same with her, though the abuse done to her wasn't something that anyone could simply take away, and they both knew it.
She bit his earlobe, mumbling, "It's not your fault."
Jihyun tilted his face, and his lips brushed her cheek. "It's not yours either."
She stopped caring whose fault her source of agony was and thrust into him, picking up the pace while she dug her nails into his arms. He didn’t stop her, his hand snaking down to find her bundle of nerves instead.
She gasped and arched her back when he rubbed her. She was vaguely aware of the sharp jabs of pain in her back, but she welcomed them. Pain grounded her into him.
Jihyun's fingers were vigorous, and his thrusting was getting rougher that it twisted the coil in her lower abdomen. She writhed with need, whispering to him not to stop, and he listened, and it brought her higher and higher until the coil snapped.
She cried out in ecstasy.
He was a marvel to look at, to have. He was hers. He had proclaimed it. He was the forest that shrouded her from the vultures circling above, the soft sand that sank her deeper into him with each pull of the waves, the hearth that kept her warm through the barren cold. With him, she could breathe.
Jihyun kept to his pace as she rode out the climax, not stopping despite her trembling legs and clearing haze. She focused on him overwhelming her in a way that annihilated her need for anything else. The alkaline tang of paint that lingered on him. His tightening grip on her bottom as she felt him reaching his climax. Him twitching inside her when he finally did, his muscles tensing as he came inside her. His pleasure-struck face that entranced her every time.
She would give him everything he wanted. She would not let him go.
She slumped against him, their mixed fluids seeping down her thighs. He slipped out of her and she kissed the underside of his jaw. "I love you."
Jihyun's breath was still racing as he drew circular patterns on her shoulder blades. "Your parents didn't hurt you because you provoked them. They hurt you because they're abusive. It's not your fault."
She sighed. She had hoped he would let it go, but nothing could stop him once he made up his mind. "Knowing it doesn't make it any better."
"Do you really think so?" He ran his thumb up her inner forearm. She flinched and tried to jerk away, but he held onto her. The deepest scars had faded to silver, but the fresher ones were raised ridges along her skin. She had been careful, small cuts scattered on an easily hidden spot. She didn't realise he would notice. "Isn't this your form of penance?"
Her chest tightened. "It's the only thing I have control over. If I blame them and direct all my anger at them, I will hurt them. This way, the only person I hurt is myself. I'm not a weapon. I'm not a threat."
"Don't you think you've been hurt enough?"
She wore a thin smile and looked away. "Sure."
Jihyun's hands slid up her jaw and tilted her head back to him, his fingers resting on the pulse points on her neck. "You can be angry around me. It's natural to want to express your emotions. They're not something you're supposed to keep to yourself. Talk to me when you feel like turning to self-mutilation. I'm yours, remember? My ears are yours to talk to. My shoulders are for you to lean on."
She surveyed his pleading gaze with a twinge of pity. Jihyun was asking for more than he was supposed to receive. In time, he would see it.
Another waiting game had begun. She almost did not want to see the ending.
"All right. I'll do that."
-
Footnotes:
I went with Jihyun because I thought he'd be an interesting choice. The role reversal and all. He's forced to confront how he is seen through MC's eyes when he's involved in dangerous situations and refuses help.
MC's relief for living in Rika's suffocating apartment at the beginning parallels her feeling trapped in the familial cage that she doesn't want to leave. There's a reason why she doesn't move out of the apartment even after the cult drama is over. She's a bird caged too long that she can't take flight even if the door is open. She's not capable of leaving things behind, so she hoards everything she can (Jihyun) to herself.
MC thinking that her father "had loved her despite her selfishness" is the product of her parents' manipulation. Her belief that she's selfish if she feels negative emotions and wants anything at all is what drives her self-destruction, and ironically, her possessiveness.
With Jihyun, it's easy to make him fall into the rescuer role when the partner self-harms, so I was very mindful of depicting the discovery scene. I didn't want to romanticise it and make MC feel like if she got hurt more, she'd get more attention from him. Since this is GE Jihyun, he wouldn't default back to his old enabling methods.
I was dubious about making MC self-harm since I don't want this to be a gratuitous checklist of trigger warnings, but it makes sense for her to turn to cutting. If she has to be hurt, it might as well be by herself. Might as well be on her terms.
The nature metaphors are to show Jihyun's and MC's common interest in nature.
Are they actually in love or is it just oxytocin and loneliness? Who knows?
I felt pressured to write a romantic fic, but I haven't been able to these days so I turned to this. It brought relief somehow. This was cathartic.
I used to think I'd never write a possessive character in a non-antagonising light yet here we are. I compared this MC to the one from Wedge the Knife Under My Skin, but this one is blunter with her words and well, more possessive. She's bitter and sarcastic and resigned to her suffering. Fortunately, Jihyun is secure enough to see through her sharp defences.
The title is a twist on the locus of control concept in psychology, which is about a person's degree of belief on how much of their internal force governs their external life.
I don't know why I like to throw Jihyun into ambiguous relationships either.
Header Corner:
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A quick process breakdown! Add a directional blur to the base footage > duplicate the footage, slightly shift the position and change the blur direction to get the hazy look > add a red filter overlay to fit the fic's bloody mood but retain the magenta in the background to resonate with the romance aspect > choose the appropriate angsty text and font!
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Buy me a glass of something that's definitely not coffee because I can't stand it but it is the website's name if my story touches you in some way? No worries if you don't. I'm still grateful you've read all the way through here.
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jinjinranran · 2 years
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🌸🌸🌸 Cherry blossom date 🌸🌸🌸
Eunji is trying her best :(
Entry for @/prismatic_a's DTIYS 💙
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shewrotesomething · 10 months
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(Jihyun/V) - The Day He Realized He Wanted To Marry You
He thought about it everyday.
Two years had passed since he left to find himself and when he returned for the party, there you were. 
He confessed to you then and there. He vividly remembered the scent of your hair while you were wrapped in his arms. 
Four years had gone since then, and by now, he thought he’d be ready to move to the next stage of his life… a life sworn to eternity with you.
And yet, whenever the conversation came up, he found himself retreating. 
But perhaps both of you should be. Neither of you are getting younger. Moreover, he really shouldn’t keep you waiting. His indecisiveness was making you walk on a path with no destination. 
Still, every time he retreated from the subject, you were… okay. There was a hand. A smile. A quiet promise that said. I love you and it’s okay. 
He loves you, there’s no doubt in his mind about that but he didn’t want to make promises he couldn’t keep. What they don’t tell you about recovery is that, sometimes, you relapse to your old habits. And well, he didn’t want to put that on you.
But then came that day.
He went abroad on a job. A travel agency wanted him to take promotional photos on the hotels they were endorsing as part of their deals. He was gone for nearly a month.
Although he wanted nothing more but to see you the moment he landed, you insisted that he get some rest first. His flight lands at 3 in the afternoon and you didn’t want him to wait for you to get off work. He quietly conceded. 
When he landed he wanted to get some food first, instead, he received an urgent call from the staff of his condominium.
One of the pipes burst. Several units were flooded. Jihyun immediately drove home. A hundred different thoughts went through his head. All the things that were damaged… all the photos.
The staff profusely apologized upon his arrival, but much to his surprise, they told him you were there already. You had arrived an hour earlier and dealt with the situation.
“Oh hey, you’re back!” you greeted as soon as he flung the door open. The place was a mess. The floor was dry now, but there were spots that had a soaked towel in it. His mattress was gone and the sheets sat in a pile in the corner.
You look like you just had a shower and dressed yourself in his clothes. “I… what happened? Why are you here?”
You turned around to face him fully. “Your neighbor contacted me when the pipe burst. A unit upstairs apparently hit a pipe, so it messed up the water pressure and whatnot.”
“What about work?”
You were confused by his question. “It’s fine. Don’t worry about it. Anyways, I sent the most pressing items to the laundromat. Uh… about your studio, I managed to save some of the boxes with photos but yeah… I didn’t get to them in time. I think the painting got ruined.— Oh no. Are you mad? I’m really sorry.”
He didn’t realize he was making such a disheartened face. “No, I’m not mad at you.” He was mad at himself. That he didn’t believe that in all your quiet promises. That it took him this long to realize it.
“Hey, Jihyun,” you said, closing the distance between the two of you, “Look, you’re clearly tired and hungry. So why don’t I grab you some food and for the time being you stay at my place.”
He held your hands. “I love you,” he declared. “I’ll love you forever.”
Perhaps to you, it sounded like the declaration of a man whose apartment was ruined. To him, it was a proposal.  
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imuyumiii · 2 years
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Happy Birthday, Kim Jihyun! 💙
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onlinekitsune · 1 year
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i mean... am i wrong?
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fishsticksloser · 1 year
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Present With No Bow
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Warnings: fluff, swearing, suggestive 👀
A/N: I've missed my first husband
𝓜𝓪𝓼𝓽𝓮𝓻𝓵𝓲𝓼𝓽
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You and Jihyun were trying to bake cookies. Trying being the key word. The tasted and looked fine, but something about the holiday season made everything harder. For instance, Jihyun couldn't keep his eyes off you, you just looked stunning in the Christmas lights, you both were covered in flour and cookie dough from goofing off. That's how you got into this mess.
"Darling," Jihyun mumbles in your ear, wrapping his arms around your waist. "You're so stunning in the lights."
"Jihyun," you laughed, turning to face him. "You've said that too many times to count."
"That's because it's true." His hands drifted to cup your ass, squeezing lightly.
"We're supposed to be making cookies. We're going to Jumin's tonight, remember?"
"We still have plenty of time. We already have enough cookies."
"Tempting, but I have a batch in the oven."
Jihyun didn't answer, he just kissed you. Softly, passionately, humming in contentment. You kiss back because who were you to say no to him? He deepened the kiss, hoping to continue to distract you, it worked. He picked you up and set you on the counter next to the stove.
"Jihyun." You chuckled in-between kisses. "You're trying to distract me."
"Why would I do that?" He answers, kissing along your jaw.
The oven beeped, signaling the batch in the oven were done. Jihyun turned the oven off and opened it to let it cool, still caging you in on the counter.
*̣̥☆·͙̥‧❄‧̩̥·‧•̥̩̥͙‧·‧̩̥˟͙☃˟͙‧̩̥·‧•̥̩̥͙‧·‧̩̥❄‧·͙̥̣☆*̣̥
You arrived at Jumin's only 10 minutes late. A hickey or 2 could barely be seen, peeking out from under your shirt. Saeyoung was going to make fun of you, but Zen stopped him, thankfully. Jumin gave Jihyun a knowing look.
Everyone thought the cookies were good though.
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mabami · 2 years
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✨📷💙 ¡Comision lista para Kim Jihyun V De Han! 💙📷✨
Uff debia esta comision desde hace un buen tiempo, pero que habia atrazado por temas de salud entre otros ywy
Igualmente ya tengo una compensacion en mente para la chica por ser tan paciente conmigo :'3
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lamento96 · 1 year
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JIHYUN KIM - SUPERNOVA
a k-pop only playlist for jihyun kim (v) and MC's BAD STORY ENDING 2 (I just couldn't help myself, I had to make a separate playlist: I tried to choose obsessive and f-up lyrics/songs to match)
(spotify)
(original playlist for the good endings here)
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trashfox · 2 years
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Pov: Foxy cant draw shit
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Everyone do me a favor and look at the bottom right picture cause it actually looks decent please. @xialatvs I am so sorry I did your mans like this 😭
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shxtodxroki · 5 months
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V (Jihyun Kim) Masterlist
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Here is where you will find all of my writing for Jihyun! I hope you enjoy, and if you like these feel free to drop a request in my inbox at any time! <3
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♡ Imagines ♡
- Simple Pleasures
You’re cuddling with Jihyun, but he’s oddly quiet, as if he’s listening to something specific. And when you eventually ask why, you learn about your boyfriend’s biggest joy in life (aside from you, of course). (1.3k)
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xelasrecords · 1 year
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Haven Burning
Jihyun Kim x Reader
NSFW
Jihyun is sorry that he keeps wanting more from you while you're sorry that you can't give him enough, so both of you try to make up for it in your own way.
Words: 3.7k
Masterlist Read on AO3
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Jihyun left the front porch light on for you. From up close, you could hear the faint clinking sound of moths bumping into the yellow beacon that shone through the dark. They would shed their wings and die eventually. Already there were husks of the fried bodies on the ground, but more would come still. They never learned. You swiped them aside with your foot and stepped into the house.
The living room was just as dark. You saw the silhouette of Jihyun first, his slouching figure nodding off in the armchair. Strips of moonlight that washed through the windows accentuated the elegant slope of his nose, the delicate swoop of his lashes, and the lustrous turquoise of his hair that stood out like a halo amidst the room's earthy tone. The whole space was a mess, but Jihyun preferred it to look lived-in instead of clinically neat. He liked the comfort of feeling at home, but your personal observation was that he could only feel complete when you were here. He was more himself with your presence. Why else would he give you a spare key you never asked for?
You waded through the scattered pillows and tabbed art journals to get to him. The blanket he used had slipped down the hardwood floor, so you bent down to cover him with it.
Jihyun started awake as you tucked in the corner of the blanket. "You're home," he mumbled, his eyes heavy-lidded.
You stayed in your crouching position and looked up at him. "I'm here."
Jihyun gave you a slow one-over, taking in your frazzled hair and unkempt clothes. "You really are." He offered a smile that didn't quite reach his eyes and a hand that you took as he rose to his feet.
Jihyun was still holding your hand when he entered the kitchen. Absentmindedly, you brushed your thumb against the back of his slender fingers, the warm hand you were becoming familiar with. He was uncharacteristically quiet—not that you would know much about his character. He was as elusive to you as you were to him, but your habitual visit here had taught you enough. This was where you always met him. Not outside where anyone could catch you, but here, in the safety of his mess.
When Jihyun released your grasp to hand you a glass of water, you immediately accepted and gulped it down.
"Thank you, I was parched," you said. The liquid hitting your throat was lukewarm, the perspiration around the glass dripping down the floor. It must have been cold when he set it up for you hours ago.
"I'd thought you would be," said Jihyun. His tone was not unkind, but there was an edge to it as if he was holding back from saying more. He kept tugging on his cardigan's sleeve.
"Are you mad?" you tested.
Jihyun blinked, then said with caution, "I don't think there's anything I should be mad about."
"I didn't tell you I would disappear for a while."
"I can hardly get angry at you for doing the same thing I've done before."
You peered from behind the glass. "So you don't have any questions?"
Jihyun looked at you with fleeting sadness that you wouldn't have caught had you not paid attention, but you did. Everything about him was subtleties, so you had come to learn to read between the lines. "Not if it would hurt me."
"Then I will not tell," you said softly.
What hope that he had against all hopes vanished from his eyes. It wasn't clear what you and Jihyun were and neither of you saw the need to define it. You got tangled up with him when your life was in disarray, and he was willing to live in your chaos. He found comfort in your discomfort, so you could not come up with a reason to take it away from him.
The feeling was reciprocal after all. An unreasonable desire for Jihyun locked your knees in place. His love for your destruction became your love for his. There would be nothing left of you if he left, and he couldn't stand to leave you to degrade into ashes. You liked that he was so bound to you that he could not stay away, so the curse went around and around until you couldn't tear his thoughts apart from yours.
You wanted to possess him. No, more than that, you wanted to make a home right behind his sternum and cradle his ideologies in your hands and say, yes, you understood him because he felt like your own skin. You were made of him as much as he was of you. You were the Galatea he chiselled to obsessive perfection, a statue pervaded with the very essence of him that you were compelled to follow him wherever he went.
With the jug that Jihyun had left on the table, you poured more water into your glass and extended it to him. "Here, have one," you offered. "I'm sorry for making you wait up."
Jihyun shook his head but drank the water regardless. "Don't apologise. I did it out of my own volition."
You eyed the puddle pooling around the jug. "Did you prepare this for me every day?"
"I did."
"But what if I never came back?"
"I don't know, I just believed that you would. You never gave me a reason when you leave, so you don't need a reason to come back." Jihyun smiled, and sighed. "At least that's what I tell myself. I don't want to think about the day you stop wanting me."
You hummed noncommittally, eager to end the topic. "Would that day come, I wonder."
Without waiting for his response, you trudged back to the living room and threw yourself across the wide rug. You covered your eyes with your forearm as the steady ticking of the grandfather clock unwound the tension in your body. The last few days had been exhausting; you had been surrounded by people who only sought you out when they needed something. Your favour, for example. Your body, for another.
You heard a rustle as Jihyun knelt beside your head. "You shouldn't sleep here," he said. "You'll wake up with a backache if you do."
"I hate that word. Should. I should mind my health more. I should find a proper place to sleep. I should appease my work partners for everyone's sake. I should be nicer. Don't you think I'm already nice enough?"
Jihyun chuckled wistfully. "By your standards you are."
You lowered your arm and found him looking down at you, his turquoise hair falling languidly across his forehead. He was beautiful in the way the angels told in mythical legends were. All delicate angles and incandescent gleam even when doused with exhaustion. He had an air of perpetual sadness about him, almost as if it was his nature to be melancholic and other emotions were simply passing through.
Your heart twisted at the sight of him. "I know I'm not nice to you, I'm sorry."
"You're nice in your own way. You still came home to me."
"I give you so little."
"Yet it is all you can give, so I understand," Jihyun said. You gently held his cheek and he leaned into your touch by instinct. His eyelids fluttered close and he exhaled, sending shivers up the inside of your arm. "You give me this too. This is enough," he murmured.
There must be something more you could do. "Would you like it if I kiss you?"
"Can I kiss you instead?" Jihyun muttered against your wrist.
Making the first move was a way for him to assuage his guilt for always wanting more from you. Being on the receiving end discomforted him, so if he was the giver, then he couldn't be the beggar. It made him feel less pitiful begging for your attention, and you wanted to put him at ease however you could. All the better if it could also loosen your guilt for not giving him enough.
So you nodded.
At your cue, Jihyun trailed kisses along your inner arm and came up to your lips, placing an elbow outside your shoulder as he bent down to close the space between you. The lips pressing against yours were soft but desperate, kissing you with more force and fervour than he normally retained. He must have missed you, you thought. Though you were aching for more, wanting to arch your back to feel his body on you and to roam your hands free, you would not go further unless he did.
You ran your hands through Jihyun's hair and settled behind his neck. Without breaking the kiss, he swung one leg over and straddled you. His calloused painter fingers grazed the back of your ear and down your neck and collarbone. How many times had he touched you with an artist's delicate appreciation and given more than you had asked?
Yet you could never have enough.
A moan broke free from you as you gripped Jihyun down hard, tongue battling his as you locked your ankles around his hips. His movement grew more urgent, fingers shakily jerking your shirt buttons open before pulling your bra down. He sucked on your nipple while kneading your other breast, his breath harsh against your skin. He held on to you like you were his lifeline and explored your body like you were his. Sometimes, you liked to pretend that you were.
You slipped your hands beneath Jihyun's shirt, covering the planes of his back and the rungs of his spine, down to the waistband of his trousers. His bones were more defined than the last time you touched him, the dip between his ribcage and pelvis more pronounced. The guilt of you being the cause of his lost appetite was too agonising that you ground your hips against his, urging him to take more. Whatever he wanted at this moment you would give.
Your stunt elicited a groan from Jihyun. His hand skimmed down your stomach as he captured your mouth again, each kiss more fervent than before. Every touch of his sent out a line of fire in its wake, intensifying your need for him to plunge his fingers between your legs, to pull out screams from you that only he could. You raised your hips for him, his hand disappearing into your pants and rubbing circles on your clit—before he pulled away with a sudden gasp.
You instinctively chased for his mouth, lifting your head high enough that your foreheads touched. You cradled his jaw and searched his face, but he turned away, though it was not without extreme effort.
Jihyun was breathless when he spoke. "I can't do this to you."
You stared at him, incredulous. "Do what? Something that I want you to do to me?"
"I feel like I'm using you."
"Jihyun." You tipped your head back, your heart still pounding in your chest. "Does it matter if I want it just as much as I want you?"
"It does. I'm sorry, but it makes me feel perverse—like I'm hurting you." Jihyun hung his head low. "You overwhelm me sometimes."
You thought about how his careful passion was what came to your mind when you were in strangers' arms. How he denied himself from feeling pleasure through you, how that frustrated you yet it could never drive you away from him. You could feel the warmth vibrating from his body, his chest still heaving with need. You could smell the faint trace of tobacco that always seemed to linger around him. He overwhelmed you all the time.
"You can't hurt me if you mean well, and I know you do," you said.
Jihyun caressed your parted swollen lips. "I wish that were true."
It was impossible to get to the crux of him, to understand why he felt what he felt. A part of you thought it was unfair that despite his elusiveness, you could only feel your existence validated when you were with him. But here was someone so lovely that he would break himself to savour another day with you. You knew he would take every hurt you inflicted on him, but precisely for this reason that you wouldn't hurt him. He would just take it because he thought it was what he deserved. It made you want to fling yourself over the cliff, but even that you wouldn't do for he would simply follow in your footsteps.
"It's all right then," you reassured him with a smile. You knew how stubborn Jihyun could be, so you stopped trying to convince him. Satisfied, he moved to lie beside you while you rolled sideways to face him.
His eyes flitted to your exposed breasts and gently pulled your bra back up. "I'm sorry, that must have been uncomfortable."
You swatted his hands away when he tried to button your shirt. "Oh, leave it," you said, then reached out to twirl the vibrant strands of his hair. They were soft around your finger. "Your hair is growing longer."
He winced and combed through it self-consciously. "I'm overdue for a haircut."
"I wasn't complaining. You look good like this."
Jihyun seemed taken aback by the manner of someone who had never received such a compliment before. "Is that really how you think of me?"
"You are beautiful. Surely this isn't a surprise for you?"
"It does surprise me. I think of your opinion as sacred, for who am I to be regarded as highly by you? But selfishly, I want to believe you. I can feel your sincerity in your every word, and I want to cling to it," he confessed. "I didn't like myself until you liked me."
What a responsibility on your shoulders. Jihyun's entire worth and sense of belief hinged on someone as unworthy as you. Every time the conversation veered to a personal matter, it was like he pushed a camera up close to your feelings, feelings that you didn't want to pay attention to, feelings you would rather abandon than be overwhelmed with.
You opted for an ambiguous response. "I do like you," you allowed.
Once again, his eyebrows drooped and you could tell it wasn't a response that Jihyun hoped to hear. Why was it that you were this influential to his happiness? The more power you had over him, the more you feared it, but somehow even before you realised what you did, you had already done it to him. You had already broken him, and that broke you.
You lapsed into silence, flipping to your back and clasping your hands on your stomach. Staying at Jihyun's place felt a little like being suspended in time. The grandfather clock was still ticking, and the crickets outside were still chirping. When all the sounds were incessant, they ceased to be noticeable. When you kept doing the same thing, they gradually became meaningless.
That should be the case for everything, but every time you met Jihyun, you felt rejuvenated, new. It was as if he injected something vital into you and suddenly you knew how to be happy again. He didn't even have to do anything to make you better. Simply by existing, he made you solid. Perhaps his whole existence was to make you more of a human and less of a discardable pawn.
After a while, Jihyun propped himself up to his elbow. "Did you know," he asked, "that you're like a controversial artwork that always stirs up discussions because no one can quite figure you out? Even when you're with me, you feel abstract. Sometimes, I wonder if you're real."
You tilted your head sadly. "I feel like an unrealistic concept if you describe me like that."
"Oh, I didn't mean to offend you. I know you have feelings, but have you ever reserved any for me? I don't mind that you don't think of me often." You wanted to interrupt but he waved it away. "No, don't. You don't have to convince me otherwise. I know there's no right answer when it comes to you. I always feel like I'm doing things wrong, yet I can only feel right when I'm with you." He ducked his head. "I don't suppose I make much sense."
"No, I think you make too much sense," you said. Jihyun had crawled into the hollow of your ribs and made a living there without you knowing. It was equally fearsome and ridiculous. "How did you know that's what I'd been thinking too?"
"Did I? Perhaps we were made from the same soul."
"Nonsense. You're a better person than me."
Jihyun hummed while tracing a line down your nose. "Was I the first person you kissed tonight?"
You frowned at his train of thoughts that didn't seem to connect. "I thought you didn't want to hear hurtful things," you finally said.
"Then I'm no better," he stated. "I keep telling myself this isn't right, that I shouldn't be compelled to accept a loveless kiss from you, but when I see you like this, I can't help but feel greedy that only I get to see this honest part of you."
Loveless. It was one thing to deny the truth, but another to have the person you wanted to protect it from to have known all along. You did harbour some feelings for him, but you couldn't admit it was love. Love was not supposed to be this muddled and unsteady.
"Earlier I was abstract and now I'm honest? Do make up your mind," you attempted to tease him. "That person sounds exhausting to be liked."
"Don't worry. I'm doing all the hard work, so you just stay here." After a moment, he hesitated. "You do want to stay, don't you?"
You caught his finger and kissed it. "I come here almost every day, Jihyun."
"I'm constantly anxious that one day you will stop."
You knew what he expected you to say, that of course you wouldn't stop. That he was too dear for you to just quit on him. But how could you know what the future would hold if you couldn't even figure out your feelings towards him? Though you liked his company and the feeling of being liked by someone so full of devotion, how could you truly love him if he never even bared himself to you?
A lot of times, Jihyun felt more like a malleable clay than a person. He would say what he thought you wanted to hear and do what he thought you wanted him to do. He would become every other person on earth except his true self. Perhaps he could only be sure in himself if he was certain that you wouldn't leave, but you could only make up your mind if he could be firm with his. It was a special hell for a codependent pair.
"You'd do well without me," you told Jihyun, but before the words left your tongue, you already knew they wouldn't be true.
"Don't tell me you believe that."
You stared past his shoulders where the bookshelf mounted on the wall was crooked, weighted down by worn-out photography books. He still had art to turn to. Was what it that people say about artists? The more tortured they were, the more soul they could pour into their work? "It's more of a hope than a belief."
Jihyun's expression was stricken. "You hope to get rid of me?"
"No, you got it wrong." You briskly sat up. "Have you ever thought that the person you care about is better off without you? And yet—and yet, I don't want you to leave me." Your voice lowered with your admission. Honesty was what he wanted, so it was what you gave him now.
"Can't you see? I'd be hurting without you." He pulled himself up and sat facing you. "For better or for worse, you've enriched my life in ways that I can't do alone, so please don't leave. This is the one thing I will beg of you. Nothing else, just this." He clasped your hand in his chest, desperation seeping into his words. "If you can't bear to leave me, and I the same, then why should we try? We need each other. I'm fine with being tormented, but not if it means you would be suffering as well. I won't put myself through pain that puts you in more of it."
Jihyun had never demanded anything from you. He never thought he had the right, which made you feel worse for giving him less than he deserved. Nothing about you would ever be enough for his happiness. "You can get better people to fall in love with you out there," you whispered. "People who can actually fall in the first place."
"I don't need you to fall and injure yourself. You don't have to love me, just stay."
You gripped his shoulder. "Don't say that. I care about you too." You wished you could say you loved him, but it was the one word that you couldn't dislodge from your throat.
The smile Jihyun gave you was full of condolences. "All right, I'll believe you," he relented. He must think you were fooling yourself, and he was merely playing along to protect your blissful ignorance.
You knew then, that what you said didn't matter. Jihyun wouldn't believe he meant more to you than a simple passing attachment, that you still wished for his happiness above yours. But did it matter when he most likely felt the same? You never kidded yourself that it was love, but it was something, wasn't it? He made you feel less alone and you made him believe that his life was worth living, and that was enough to hold on to.
You buried your head into the crook of Jihyun's neck and he pulled you into a tight embrace, his arms warm and safe around you. You did not want to let him go—not that he had any other place to be.
It was you, it was always you.
Moths to a flame, the both of you.
-
Footnotes:
This story is a concentric catch-22 where every layer of the story is cyclical and no one can get out.
Both sides harbour an unhealthy obsession for the other, hoping that they could love themselves through this idealisation.
Light-related descriptions regarding Jihyun, his physical home, and metaphorical home—which is the reader whom he sees as a part of him—are a motif for the "moths to the flame" idea. The same applies to the reader's flowery narrative. They are both the moth and the flame.
I kept asking myself "is this too mean?" when I wrote this because it's Jihyun and I don't want to make a Rika 2.0. I wanted to give him someone with a softer personality than how I tend to write my MCs, someone who truly wants the best for him but is helpless from getting better. Someone who loves him the way they know how without deluding themselves that this is healthy.
Reader romanticised Galatea from Greek mythology but my personal favourite is the version by Madeline Miller titled "Galatea" where she breaks away from the obsessive Pygmalion. If you like Greek myth retelling, you should give it a try.
Buy me a glass of something that's definitely not coffee because I can't stand it but it is the website's name if my story touches you in some way? No worries if you don't. I'm still grateful you've read all the way through here.
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jinjinranran · 2 years
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Quick (and late) sketch for V's birthday 💙💙💙
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sssquiddles · 1 year
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got ‘nother one boss
‘through the lens’ - You just want V to love you like he loved Rika... it’ll be different this time, won’t it?
AKA, fuck around and find out
https://archiveofourown.org/works/43952476 
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