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mumuyah · 1 year

Text

fly with me, jinji au

"With your lights shining on you in sorrow

Will your colors fill this space?

Like a bird locked in a cage

It seemed like you were just waiting for me"

reposted from my twt (mumuyah)

jinji au

do not plagiarize

Jisoo was in the bathroom when she heard his muffled voice through the door.

He was talking to someone—his mom, she assumed. She twisted the knob of the shower to make sense of their words but she only understood one word out of their conversation: her name.

Jisoo heaved a deep breath before resuming her shower. Before she knew it, time passed. Her supposedly quick shower turned into thirty minutes.

Jinyoung's mom was gracious enough to lend her his old clothes. His white t-shirt was loose on her and his pants even more so; she had to roll and fold it a few times in the waist so it wouldn't fall.

She took a peek before heading out the bathroom. The coast was clear. It was quiet in his family home. She wondered where he was.

She padded softly from the threshold of the bathroom to his room. It was a short trip.

When she opened the door to his childhood bedroom, Jisoo was surprised to see him sitting on the floor next to his bed and looking intently at his phone. She didn't know why she was so shocked. He told her he was going to Jinhae after all.

He's really here, she thought. She watched him silently and took note of the slight frown on his brows and his tired demeanor. He must be very, very tired. Dapat hindi ka na nag-inarte, Jisoo. You're tiring him out too.

Panic and fear surged from within her but she subdued it before it surfaced on her face when he finally noticed her. She mustered a small smile.

"Hi."

"Hey," Jinyoung greeted, beckoning her over to his side.

Jisoo sat gingerly next to him, his arm automatically coming around her while her head found a place on his shoulder.

They didn't say anything for a while. She didn't know why. She had a lot to say last night but none of it escaped now. She didn't know where to start.

He had a lot of questions when he called but he only had one now. "Are you okay?"

She didn't answer. She didn't know the answer to his question. Well, she knew but she didn't want to bother him. The important thing was that he's here. With her.

But why is he here with me? She wondered.

But she squashed the thought before it consumed her. She focused on his breathing. The rhythmic movement of his body—his chest moving up and down—eventually pulled her to sleep.

It was just past noon when she woke up.

Jinyoung was still asleep when she rose from the bed to pee. When she got back, he was awake, staring blankly ahead.

Jisoo stood by the closed door, her hand clutching the knob. Jinyoung still looked worn out even after sleeping. She worried her lip, feeling overwhelmed again. She shouldn't have gone to Jinhae. What the hell was she thinking?

I didn't think think this through. Why am I so selfish? She blinked rapidly, trying to disperse the tears away. She willed it away, like the way she wants to will herself away. Stop. Stop this, Kim Jisoo.

"Don't."

Her gaze snapped to Jinyoung. He had a fixed look on her. It made her look away.

"Come here."

She obliged but she sat cautiously on the bed, far away from him.

He came to her anyway.

"What's wrong, hmm?"

She wasn't looking at him. She kept her eyes low, so her line of sight was at her hands on her lap. They were thin, calloused and dry. They said that having such hands indicated one worked hard.

However, it didn't feel like that way to her. She's been working, sure, but she didn't know if anything good came to fruition to any of it.

She had hands but they were useless. She might as well cut it from her body.

His hand reached out for hers but she was quick to hide it behind her.

Her actions only troubled Jinyoung more. He inched closer to her, angling his head low so he can look at her face. "Hey, ano ba? Natatakot na ako sa'yo. Makikipagbreak ka na ba?"

"We should break up." She whispered. "I'm a waste of your time."

"What are you saying?" Jinyoung lifted her chin up so they can properly look at each other. "May nagawa ba ako?"

"No, it's not you. You're great. Always attentive and nice and you work so hard. I—" she swallowed. "I'm— I'm the problem. You deserve someone better. Someone who isn't a good-for-nothing."

He became silent. And then, "did something happen at work?"

That did it for her.

The tears she held back one by one dropped and then she couldn't stop anymore.

"Nothing's happening to me. I feel like I'm working and working and no matter how hard I'm working it's just useless. The shoot—" she drew her lips into line. She shouldn't complain about it. It's her work. He has nothing to do with it. He has his own drama to worry about.

"Your drama?"

"It's hard. I don't know if I'm cut out for it. But I should be grateful that they gave me a chance to be in it, 'di ba? Na dapat mas galingan ko pa dahil doon. But at the back of my mind, I can't help but fee what's the use? lt's going to fail because of me. Because they decided to cast me. Why did they cast me in the first place? I'm inexperienced and untalented. Nagiging burden lang ako for them. It's going to be a disappointment because I'm a disappointment. Ang daming masasayang na pagod dahil sa akin.

"And I'm," she lowered her voice. She leaned into him for support because if she didn't then she might break completely. "I'm so tired. I don't know why I'm doing any of this. This life... It doesn't mean anything."

Jinyoung let her weep, engulfing her in his hug. The door creaked slightly open and he met his mother's eyes. She mouthed her concerns about Jisoo and Jinyoung only nodded. She left them shortly afterwards.

When Jisoo eventually calmed down, Jinyoung sat her upright, making sure she was looking at him when he started talking.

"One, they hired you to be the lead because you auditoned for it and you passed. Among the thousands who stood before the director, the writer and whoever else is in that casting room—they chose you. That means something. That you have the talent and skills to carry it. You are inexperienced—yes, that much is true—but inexperience does not mean failure.

Two, you do not carry the burden of success alone. Hindi lang ikaw ang gumagalaw sa set. There are other actors, the production team and many more working behind the scenes. Ikaw lang yung unang nakikita kasi ikaw ang haharap sa screen pero hindi ibig sabihin no'n ay ikaw ang may kasalanan kung bakit hindi ito magiging successful.

"But it will be successful. I know it. Because you're in it and I know you. You work hard; you've always had. It's just the nerves talking. Remember when we first emcee'd? You were nervous too. You thought you would make mistakes and yes, you did. But you became better at it because you didn't give up. You always try and you're diligent. Siguro ngayon, hindi mo pa nakikita yung fruits of labor mo. But you will. Someday.

"Three, nobody knows what they're doing." Jinyoung shrugged. "Hell, I don't know what I'm doing most of the time. If it makes sense or if it's worth it."

"You d-don't? But always seem so sure."

He scoffed. "Me? Nah. I pretend that I know shit pero wala talaga akong alam. That's what people do. They fake it and waddle on through life. I think that's how people actually achieve things. They suck it up until things ease up a bit before things get fucked up again."

"I hate that. Why do we have to suffer only to become happy? And why is happiness so short-lived? Why do we have to hurt again?"

"I don't know." He replied honestly. He placed a hand on her cheek, running his thumb over her skin. "I only know it will become more difficult in the future. It never gets easy for any of us. When things are too easy, life becomes stale. We don't look forward to anything more. In trying times, we hope and strive for reprieve. Maybe that's what we'll all get—a lick of relief—before things crumble down again. But at the very least, we've experienced it and we'll keep looking for the taste again and again and again."

"Lastly, Jisoo… if you get tired of trying and if things are too difficult for you to handle, know that I'm here for you." He patted her cheek lovingly. "You don't have to look for me somewhere else. I'm a call away."

"Meaning, don't go to Jinhae and make you travel all the way here?" Jisoo pursed her lips.

"Meaning, don't go to Jinhae and make me not want to go back to Seoul. I miss this place too much." Jinyoung looked at his surroundings. A place filled with the remnants of a time where he was always happy. His home.

When we look back in our past, why does it seem that we are the happiest when we are children? What do we have to do in order to bring that worry-free child version of ourselves into our adult life?

"Maybe we shouldn't go back." Jisoo said after a while.

Jinyoung had considered it before. Staying in Jinhae, remaining within the familiar. He sometimes still thinks about it.

But things in the past will live in the past, no matter how much he tries to replicate it. The memories, the feelings—they will abide in the laws of time.

"I would love to stay." Jinyoung answered honestly. "But I don't have the money to pay back production if I don't finish the drama. Sadly, hindi ako pinagpala ng Dior."

Jisoo made a face and he chuckled. "Do you want me to put in a good word for you? We have Maria Grazia Churri's contact info."

"Wow! Close." He joked.

"I did inspire her to make a whole collection." They both laughed at her haughty reply.

And then, "sorry. I made you travel all the way here. Sabi ko naman sa'yo babalik na lang ako ng Seoul."

"It's fine. Na-miss ko rin luto ni mama. Come on. I think she made boiled pork belly for us."

Jinyoung stood up, pulling Jisoo along with him. They stumbled on his tiny desk in the corner and knocked some of the books over. They stared at it guiltily before cracking up again.

Jisoo didn't know why she found stacking up math and science work books funny. It was silly and light and so different from what she was feeling before.

And then they heard his mom knock at his door, warning them that they better not be doing any funny business under her roof, and she shrieked in laughter more it made her stomach hurt.

But a good kind of hurt. The kind of hurt that she will remember for a long time.

Jinyoung gazed at her fondly, curled in his childhood bed with her body still shaking in mirth…

It's good to be home.

#mumuyahAU #park jinyoung #kim jisoo #jinji #kpop au

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mumuyah · 1 year

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That Night

reposted from my twt (mumuyah)

jinji au

do not plagiarize

Kanina pa napapansin ni Jisoo na may tumitingin sa kanya.

When she told Joy that she wanted to have a good time tonight, drinking with men was not what she had in mind. The truth was gusto lang talaga niyang lumabas ng bahay para makahinga.

Nagaway kasi sila ni Ate Irene. Matagal ng pinipilit ni Irene na bumalik si Jisoo sa college para makapagtapos. Lagi kasi siyang humihinto sa pagaaral ng isang taon o dalawa. Pero gusto munang magipon ni Jisoo ng sariling pera para sa mga gastusin niya, lalo na magastos ang pag thesis at practicum. Iisang taon na lang nanaman at makakagraduate na siya. Hindi maintindihan ni Irene yun, dahil kaya naman niyang bigyan ng pera si Jisoo para sa mga kailangan niya.

Jisoo knew how hard Irene works for the two of them. Nakikita niya yung pagod at paghihirap na nararanasan ng ate niya—ayaw lang niyang sabihin. Kaya ayaw niyang tanggapin ang alok nito kasi baka magpapakasubsob nanaman sa trabaho ang ate niya.

Nang nagkita sila ni Joy at pumasok sila sa isang bar, gusto na niyang magback-out kaagad. Kaya naman niyang sumabay sa pag inom, pero mas kumportable siya kapag kilala niya ang kainuman niya. Marami rin kasing babala na binibigay sina Ate Irene at Kuya Yoon kaya maingat rin siya.

Jisoo couldn't remember how Joy was able to convince her to approach the men before her. The next thing she knew, Joy was introducing herself to the guys, along with Jisoo. Some of the guys welcomed them enthusiastically, while the others just shrugged their shoulders. There was one man, however, who showed no reaction to them at all.

Nagkatinginan lang sila ng panandalian. He resumed his drinking.

Over the next hour, nakipagkwentuhan sila sa mga lalaki. Nagce-celebrate daw sila. Mini-party para sa success ng isa sa kanila. Kaya pati sila, nadamay na rin sa free drinks. Paunti-unti lang ang inom ni Jisoo. Cautious pa rin.

Si Joy, busy makipagkwentuhan sa katabing lalaki niya. Mukhang gusto nila yung isa't isa. Yung pinakamatangkad sa kanila pati yung mukhang foreigner, siya naman ang kinakausap. Marami silang tanong sa kanya. Sa sobrang dami, hindi na niya nasasagot dahil sunod-sunod.

Yung apat na lalaki naman, nasa isang sulok lang ng booth, may sariling usapan. May isang madaldal, isang tumatawa, isang bumubulong at yung huli, wala talagang kibo. Umiinom lang. Sunod-sunod na pag inom.

Nagkatinginan ulit sila.

Jisoo didn't understand the look he was giving her. It was intense. It made her scared but it also seemed sad, like it was pleading with her. The look also compelled her to feel an emotion she didn’t want to name and that terrified her.

Siya na ang unang tumaliwas ng tingin.

She needs a breather. She needs to freshen up. She needs to go home.

Tumayo siya at tinapik si Joy para sabihing magsi-CR lang siya. Sinabihan siya ni Joy na i-text siya kapag naligaw. Jisoo smiled. She knew the drill.

Nang mahimasmasan si Jisoo pagkatapos maghilamos, nadatnan niya ang lalaking kanina pa niyang napapansin na tumitingin sa kanya.

He was leaning on the wall, adjacent to the ladies' bathroom, arms crossed in his chest. He was zoning out. Until she caught his attention.

Nagkatinginan ulit sila.

"You don't belong there," he started. He had a deep timber in his voice that made the hair on Jisoo’s arm stand up.

"I know the feeling all too well." He uncrossed his arms and placed them in his pants' pockets. "I've always felt it because the people around me never failed to make me realize that I'm a nobody."

"You're a nobody. Like me." He slowly walked towards her. She stepped backwards as he approached until her back hit the wall and she was trapped. Well, not really. His arms didn't cage her in but his eyes did.

Jisoo eventually found her voice, albeit a bit dry and shaky. "Is that how you pick up girls? By telling them they're nobodies?"

"I don't usually pick up girls." He replied, breath reeking of alcohol. It was intoxicating. Jisoo didn't particularly hate it. "I'm not the type to pick up girls."

"And yet here you are."

"No, here you are." He said, closing their distance.

Something about the way he said she was here stirred her heart. He saw her. She was here. So when he neared for a kiss, Jisoo let him.

His lips were soft and bitter from the alcohol but again, Jisoo didn't mind. There was something so thoughtful with the way he kissed her; it was slow and gentle and it was pleasant. It made her feel nice. Too nice.

When they parted, Jisoo couldn't help but look at his eyes. It was magnetic. He drew her in for another kiss but someone had nudged them over. Nakaharang kasi sila sa daanan ng banyo.

The man glared at the intruder but when his gaze returned to her, it was with a burning tension of desire. He whispered in her ear. “Let’s go somewhere else.”

Jisoo stepped away from him, having realized how unguarded he made her feel. "Sorry, um, mauuna na ako."

He didn't stop her nor say goodbye, and simply watched her walk away with a glaze look on his eyes.

Hinanap ni Jisoo si Joy para yayain na umuwi pero mukhang nawawala siya. Nakarating na lang siya sa exit ng bar ng hindi na mamalayan. Dahil nakalabas na rin nanaman siya, inisip na lang niyang umuwing magisa. She was about to text Joy na aalis na siya nang nakita niya yung lalaki kanina na nakatayo lang at tulala.

He looked lonely from behind. Defeated.

Linapitan niya ito. "Ok ka lang?"

He glanced at her. "No."

"Anong ginagawa mo?"

"Waiting for my cab."

She hummed. "Saan ka pupunta?"

"Akala ko ba uuwi ka na?" He asked.

"I just want to make sure you're safe."

"Shouldn't I be doing that?"

Jisoo frowned. "Lasing ka. You can barely take care of yourself."

"I'm fine."

"Kakasabi mo lang na hindi ka ok."

"I'm not." He laughed. Whiskers appeared on his face. Jisoo found it endearing. "Fuck, I think I'm drunk. This is a first." He wasn’t slurring his words so Jisoo didn’t know if he really was drunk.

When his cab arrived, she ushered him in. He was spacing out again. It took her less than a minute to decide whether to hop in the cab with him. The cab took them to a hotel where he checked in. She accompanied him to his room and made sure he was alright. When he was seated on the bed and looked like he was about to doze off, Jisoo knew it was her cue to leave. Hindi na siya nagpaalam.

"Where are you going?" He called.

She stopped and turned to him. He was making his way towards the door, to her.

"Don't leave." Please, his eyes begged. That did it for her.

When she said ok, he placed his hands on her face, and when she repeated it, he smiled, and it was such a handsome smile, before placing a kiss on both of her cheeks. Her third ok was swallowed by his lips. Lips that were plump and smooth, in contrast with her thin ones.

His kisses were tender at first, as if he was savoring her, but then they became intense.

He kissed her fervently, like a man dying of thirst and finding an oasis in her lips. He tilted her head upwards to deepen the kiss, one of his hands placed loosely at the side of her neck, while the other cradled her head gently. Their lips explored each other thoroughly.

He sought her lips more and more until she could barely breathe. She pushed him slightly, trying to regain her composure. His lips didn't rest from kissing however. It sought a new home in the juncture of her jaw and neck, teeth grazing the skin lightly and then a teasing nip before kissing it soothingly. Jisoo sighed at that.

He aimed for her neck after, where he made sucking noises at a spot that made her toes tingle and curl before again, kissing them in a comforting manner.

He was so good at distracting her with his lips that she didn’t notice that his hands had slipped inside her shirt and was caressing the flatness of her stomach. His skin was warm. Jisoo felt that her whole body was aflamed.

"I want you," he whispered to her. "Do you want me? This?"

"Yeah," she closed her eyes at the feel of him on her mouth again. "I want you."

They started removing their clothes one by one. Jisoo helped him take his blazer off. Shehad to stiffle her laughter when one of his arms got stuck because he couldn't choose from kissing her or getting rid of his cufflinks. But he eventually chose to unlink them first before resuming on necking her. They left it by the door.

His neck tie came off next, one he threw hazardly in the room. He untied her hair after, and slowly unbuttoned her shirt, while she was busy unbuttoning his. All while kissing each other.

With his shirt undone and her shirt loose on her body, he sat in the bed, bringing her along with him. She was perched on his lap, arms looped around his shoulders. His was secured around her waist, while the other was angling her head so that he could kiss her deeper.

Jisoo moaned when the hand on her waist suddenly trailed her spine. She shivered at his touch when his fingers started to touch her shoulder, slowly letting the slips of her shirt fall, all while watching her reaction. She was breathless, all hot and bothered and he loved every bit of it. He kissed her exposed shoulder while he fingered the straps of her bra, as if asking for her permission.

“Wait, wait lang,” she said, hiding her face in his neck. “Let me just… let me prepare. This is, um, my first.”

“Your first time?” He kissed the crown of her hair.

Tumungo siya.

“You don’t have to do this, if you don’t want to.” He told her, his palm rubbing soothing gestures at the expanse of her back.

Umiling siya at huminga ng malalim. Inangat niya ang mukha niya sa leeg ng lalaki at tinignan nito ng maigi, bago dumapo ang kanyang mata sa makapal na labi ng lalaki.

He took that as his cue to kiss her while deftly removing the clasp of her undergarment from behind. Within a few seconds, she was bare before him.

Jisoo covered her breasts with her hands and hid in his neck again, trying to hide her embarrassment. He laughed, embracing her. “It’s alright. They’re nice. Don’t be shy, darling.”

He gathered her body and laid her on the bed gently. He peeled her arms away from her body and had them placed around his neck. Now, she wouldn't be bashful of her nakedness.

He planted a kiss on each side of her neck, her collarbone, and the valley in between her breasts before his lips found her mouth again, sucking her lower lip and biting it teasingly. He nudged her nose with his, urging her to nibble on his lips, and she did, obligingly but still with some hesitation.

It was adorable how she was willing to learn despite her obvious timidness. It made him want her more.

When they were both bare-skinned and wanting, the man asked her if this was what she really wanted, that he was not coercing her to do something she would regret, Jisoo kissed him the way he taught her, the type of kiss that made him dizzy and full and begging for more.

"Yes, I'm sure. I'm fine." She answered with a smile before hiding herself in his neck. She asked if he had a condom. He grabbed one from his wallet and sheathed himself with it.

When they were both ready, he hovered above her, suddenly looking unsure but Jisoo kissed his worries away. She was afraid too but she was certain she would be alright. The blinding faith she had with this man, a stranger, should cast all kinds of alarm in her head, and in all honesty, she didn't understand it either. Maybe she was entranced by his handsome face, or maybe it was something about his searching eyes and the comfort of his words that made him trustworthy.

She was certain with him.

“I’m going to go slowly, ok?” He said as he positioned himself into her. His cock brushed against her gently and ever so slowly, pushed himself to her. He didn’t go all the way in; he drew back halfway in, waiting for her reaction, and when she showed no discomfort, he entered her with the same pace again, but he inched closer. Each time he moved, she heaved and puffed. He repeated the same process until her breathing evened out.

Jisoo was uncomfortable with him being inside her. It hurt a bit in the beginning, like there was struggle for him to intrude but it eventually eased out as he repeated his gradual thrusts.

When the initial sting ebbed out, Jisoo started to feel less bashful. The arms that clung to his neck had started to explore the planes of his body, from his chest to his back but they always trail back to the nape of his neck, where she'd either brush or grab a fistful of his hair, depending on how fast or slow he would go.

The man encouraged her to not only examine his body but also hers. He had her fondle her own breast, and rub herself, although admittedly, she was still a tad bit sheepish about the act.

He nuzzled the side of her neck as she started voicing out her pleasure. His low chuckles rang in her ear teasingly and she had to pinch him on his sides for him to stop. Well, not to stop. She groaned her complaints and urged for him to continue.

He consumed her grumble with his lips, biting her lower lip playfully before sucking it. Jisoo decided she liked it when he kissed her and, paired with his sensual thrusts, made her like it more. It was exhilarating and intoxicating and it felt like there was a build up inside her. She felt full but she also felt like it wasn’t enough. And there was an anticipation of something that she couldn't seem to grasp. Until, until she couldn't, until she needed to hold on to something because there was something that wanted to escape from her, she wanted release and, and, for a split second, everything stood still. There was no sound, no sight, nothing. La petite mort.

And then, the sensation of skin against skin.

And the sound of his heavy panting.

Then his eyes. There was a glint of want in his eyes. A flash of belongingness.

Jisoo fell asleep with those eyes in her dreams.

—

After what could have been fifteen minutes but was actually an hour, Jinyoung stirred from his light nap and saw the world spin. He tried to massage his head to alleviate the slight pounding in his head. He was still drunk and weirdly elated.

His vision was doubling but when he saw her, it focused. She was lying on her side, her head cushioned by one of her arms (which was, to Jinyoung's dismay, also covering her naked breast) while the other was set atop his palm. She was awake.

He propped his elbow to get a better look of her. She was young and pretty and had an innocent look on her. He wondered what her name was. He was about to ask when she spoke.

"Can," the girl bit her lip. He didn't know if she was aware that she was scratching his skin with her nails faintly. It was arousing and oddly endearing how nervous she was. "Can we do it again?"

He couldn't help but chuckle. She was so shy the first time around but she was more confident now. "Yes," he said, capturing her with another kiss.

The second time they did it, the girl was more comfortable and more receptive to his suggestions. He was more open and talkative and he said all kinds of dirty talk that made her laugh and blush at the same time. He liked hearing her laughter.

But he loved the way she whined and moaned under him more.

He was slightly rougher and more enthusiastic, as opposed to his moderated manner earlier, but she didn't mind. In fact, she seemed to like it even more encouraging him with her yes, oh, and that's good, you feel so good.

He reached his peak faster this time and as did she, and soon they both fell into a deep and satisfying slumber, tangled in each other's arms.

#mumuyahAU #park jinyoung #kim jisoo #jinji #kpop au #gotpink #gotpink au #mmyseries: the blunder

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