Tumgik
#jk rowling back on her bullshit with prequels
uvicgirl · 4 years
Text
Fuck Fantastic Beasts
Ok so shower thoughts... or ranting at my shampoo bottle thoughts...
So you know that scene in Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows when Griphook takes the sword of Gryffindor from Harry and leaves Harry, Ron, and Hermione to be killed by the dragon or captured by Gringotts guards? And there’s this whole backstory/cultural history here where Griphook believes that he (or goblins in general) deserve to own the sword because it was made by goblins despite the fact that it belonged to Griffyndor and is now enchanted to present itself to any worthy Griffyndor...
Tea Time! - JK Rowling is Griphook (and let’s throw warner brothers in here with Rowling as well). JK Rowling believes that since she created Harry Potter, she, and she alone, deserves to call all the shots. And we, the fans who grew up on the books and movies, are the golden trio being utterly fucked over in a dungeon with a fire breathing dragon (maybe warner brothers is the dragon).
Because here’s the thing, I can see where JK Rowling is coming from. This is her baby. She’s being protective. But no! That’s not good enough when there is a fucking amazing prequel already perfectly set up but Rowling / warner brothers is refusing to make it - they’re snatching the sword from our hands - and insists instead on shoving Newt fucking Skamander down our throats.
Fantastic Beast and Where to Find Them was a fucking text book! not a novel!
I don’t want a goddamn niffler! I want to see the muggle boys torturing Ariana and their father being carted off to Azkaban for retaliating. I want to see Albus succeeding at Hogwarts, planning his trip around the world with his best friend, sitting his final exams and celebrating their completion before receiving the devastating news that his mother is dead and he’s now trapped in Goddric’s hollow taking care of his siblings. I want to see to this all weigh on him in the stifling heat of the summer. I want to see that tension grow with the boy next door who recognizes the sense of injustice and resentment bubbling in Albus. I want to see Gellert manipulate and radicalize Albus and I want it be homoerotic goddamit! because I’m not here for this no-homo, queer baiting bullshit Rowling and warner brothers are pulling. I want to see Albus to fall for Gellert and I want to see it all blow up at the end of the summer when Ariana is killed.
And god fucking damn I want to see this all integrated into WWII. I want to see Dumbledore finally making the choice years down the road to move on Grindelwald. D-Day has been a success, the Allied troop have finally made in back onto the continent. They’re in the end game. They just have to keep pushing. There are finally murmurs of hope in Britain. And Dumbledore can’t sit back anymore knowing that the muggles have been fighting for their freedom for five years and are so close to defeating the Nazi’s and it will all to be for naught if Grindelwald succeeds.
Like this shit is brilliant! It’s all right there!
And you know what could make it even more interesting! If they found a way to weave in Voldemort’s back story - The stuff about his mom slipping Tom Riddle a love potion and Voldemort essentially being conceived via rape and how he therefore turns out sadistic and void of any humanity or love... I mean come on! That’s gold! And if they could somehow compare & contrast the two ‘taboo’ forms of romantic relationships here (gay v. rape-y) it could be brilliant. I’ll admit that this would be tricky to pull off in a way that condemns the non-consensual ‘relationship’ and removes the taboo from being gay... this would need thought and care (laughs - i say that as if Rowling & warner brothers is capable of thought and care lol) but it could be done and it could be brilliant! and guess what - you may be thinking that rape-y stuff seems a bit mature for a younger audience. But the people who grew up on harry potter aren’t kids anymore. We’re adults! We’re still the audience. Harry Potter will never hit a new generation the way it hit ours (so stop trying to abandon us in a dungeon with a fucking dragon while you hop skip and jump with your shiny, new bullshit over to a new batch of kids!!!).
But we’re never going to get this despite the fact that it’s already laid out for them on silver platter, you know why? Because goblins are greedy motherfuckers who only care about money - chinese and middle america box office money to be precise and you know what china and middle america hates? gay people! So we can’t risk pissing off china and middle america and miss out on their shiny shiny coin. We need to pander to their ‘traditional values’. So fuck all sense of integrity and good story telling, they can burn in dragon fire in the dungeon with the original fans who made the harry potter phenomenon a fucking historical event and instead of telling the real fucking love story here...
(and yes it’s tragic and possibly entirely one-sided and yes people are running away from tragic gay romances these days because it’s become an off-putting/offensive trope but i stand by the fact that if the story is told well, it still has merit Getting to see a fucking gay badass hero - the goddamn protagonist in a big franchise blockbuster - in action, i think that has merit.)
... we’re getting fucking newt & tina, newt and lida (don’t know how to spell that, don’t care), newt’s brother (can’t remember his fucking name - who goddamn cares) & lida, queenie & jacob, credence & nagini, newt & his assistant (don’t fucking remember her name either). There are so many fucking straight people here it’s insulting! And like full disclosure, I’m straight and there are straight romances in flims/tv/books that I love but these? These are trash!
So fuck Griphook, fuck Rowling, fuck warner brothers. The story doesn’t belong to you! It belongs to us, the worthy Griffyndors!, the fanfic writers who will give us the real prequel. I refuse to give Rowling any money for the bullshit she’s hawking.
0 notes