#joel and tess | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

auteurdelabre · 5 months

Text

Something to Fight For (Series) Part 12

Word Count: 8.0K

Pairing: Dad!Joel Miller x f!reader (no use of y/n, no physical descriptions) Tommy x Maria / Tess x Joel (temporary) / Bill x Frank (forever)

Warnings: This is saccharine slice of life with smut and a Soft!Joel. You have been warned. There is swearing, there is smut, but when it gets to those chapters you will have plenty of warning. (That is if there is interest in my story!)

A/N: This is part of a sweeter series (lots of angst, pining and smut ahead) Also despite Sarah's young age Joel is early 40's in this because slightly grey babygirl DILF Joel is the best Joel.

The knock at your door the next morning brings your tired, hungover self to a weak stand beside your bed. You can only assume its Tommy coming to talk about the engagement dinner that you most definitely ruined with your shitty attitude.

Instead it’s the right Miller brother.

When you open the door he’s glancing over his shoulder as if he’s afraid he’s being watched. Your breath leaves you when Joel turns to look at you. His hands are shoved into his jeans pockets and he's wearing a tight green flannel that makes you silently weep with sexual frustration.

You on the other hand look like five miles of bad road. Your hair is crazy, your makeup has to be all over your face and your eyes are puffy from crying all night. Joel looks at you in that familiar tight-lipped way of his.

"Hey," you croak before you sneak a glance over his shoulder at the work truck. "Is Sarah with you?"

"Nope, she’s with Tommy. They're going to the park for a couple hours." You see now he’s holding two coffee cups, one pointed in your direction. “Thought you’d probably need this.”

You reach out still in a daze before bringing the warm drink into your hands. A quick sip tells you it’s a mocha, the same kind he’d brought you that day at the sanctuary. You miss those days, the easy, sweet days.

“Thanks.”

You continue looking at him feeling confused. After all the ugliness between you why on earth is he here on your doorstep? Joel looks uncharacteristically unsure of himself, leaning back on his heel slightly.

“Why are you here Joel?”

At his name in your mouth his eyes dart to your face. With a firm breath of resolve he steels himself.

“We need to talk.”

You step back because he moves into your place with such swiftness you can only stare at him as he enters. For a moment he glances around your recently cleaned place and then emboldened, he motions to your kitchen table as if this is his place and you’re the guest.

“Can we sit?”

“Joel, this is-“

“You said you want to be a part of Sarah’s life and my brother is marrying by all accounts your sister, so you and I need to get along if this is all gonna work,” he tells you, pulling out a chair for you and then throwing himself into the one opposite it. He sounds confident, but you can see the thick swallow that has his neck bobbing.

“Right now?”

“We’re getting it all out in the open,” Joel says with earnestness. “Right here. Right now. And then we’re walkin’ away from this table as friends.”

You stare at him with wide eyes. This is a big ask. The ugly words you said last night were an unexpected cruelty on your part. Him showing up here with coffee and wanting to talk makes it pretty hard to stay mad at Joel.

“Okay.”

You plop into the seat and taking another deep drink of your coffee. You motion to him with your hand. “You start.”

“You left and never called,” Joel says without hesitation. “I just wanna know why.”

Joel’s hands are drumming absently around his own coffee cup, obviously antsy about this whole thing. You can see that he wants answers, desperately wants to know what happened in Chicago and it makes your body go cold.

“You don’t have to share everything that happened,” Joel suddenly assures, seeing your stricken expression. “I don’t want you upset. You don’t have to tell me anything about back home. It’s just . . . Can you just tell me why you didn’t call? You must’ve heard all the messages I left.”

“I did.”

“And you never wanted to call me?” Joel’s voice is pitched low, but you can hear the insecurity weaving its way around his words. “Not even once?”

I wanted to call you every day. I wanted to tell you to fly over and save me. I wanted to tell you that I needed you and that I wanted you to hold me and tell me I’d be okay.

But how would that have been fair? Drag him away from Sarah? Pull him into your toxic world back home?

“Of course I did.”

Joel is staring at you; disbelief is clear on his face. Sure you did, his face reads. Sure you did.

“Okay. I’m gonna tell you some stuff,” you say quietly looking at your hands. “And if I share more in the future that’s up to me. What I’m telling you now is what I’m good with telling you and that has to be enough.”

Joel doesn’t hesitate to nod. “Understood.”

“I told you before, you know, that my dad is sick?” you offer quietly looking at your hands. “A few hours after you left that night I got a call from my Mom saying that things were bad back home. So I booked the first flight back to Chicago. I had just finished packing and was on my way to the airport when you showed up.”

You’re about to keep going but Joel reaches across the table and his broad hand has come to cover yours. You forgot how warm and wide Joel’s hands feel on your skin.

“Does it hurt?”

You stare at him. “What?”

“Tellin’ me this,” Joel says, his gaze imploring. “Does it hurt you to talk about this? Because if so I don’t wanna do it. I meant what I said last time, I don’t want you hurtin’.”

You don’t even want to tell him this much because yes, it hurts to think about. But at the same time he deserves to know. You want him in your life and hasn’t he shared so much of his own life? Michelle? Raising Tommy?

“I want to tell you.”

Still his hand doesn’t move from yours and you have no desire for it to.

“If you’re sure, hon-“ he stops himself from finishing the endearment, his jaw clenched. He pulls back, his hand dragging from your hand to rest on the table next to it. You blink, stuttering your next sentence.

“So you showed up and uh. . .” you swallow the knot that’s threatening to form there. “I was just so overwhelmed, Joel. I couldn’t think about us, I couldn’t think about anything except getting home and dealing with shit. And I knew when I went home and I got your calls that you’d want to talk about everything going on and I just couldn’t.”

“But what-“

You shoot him a warning look which Joel receives, immediately closing his mouth admonished and nodding for you to continue.

“I called Maria because she’s like my sister. She knows so much about me and my life and it was easy to call her. I knew I wouldn’t have to edit myself or go over things that hurt too much to talk about. She just knew.” You swallow. “I know that’s not a fair answer, and I know it was a shitty fucking reason to not talk to you and Sarah for so long but. . . I didn’t want to bring this darkness into your life.”

“Darkness?” Joel is peering into your eyes. “How could that ever be? You’re the fucking sun.”

He catches himself, as do you, your eyes darting to his face. You see the pink starting on the tips of his ears, partially hidden by his dark curls. Joel’s eyes are wet and you can see so much in them, galaxies of emotion.

I want him, your desperate heart cries. I want him but he’s not mine to keep. He’s better off.

Joel goes to ask more questions, to find out more about your trip but remembers your stipulations and remains quiet.

“I did what I thought was right at the time,” you finish with your heart pounding. “And I know now that it wasn’t. But like you said, what’s done is done and there’s no point in being shitty about it. You’re with Tess; I’m with Paul so I guess things worked out fine. Probably how they were supposed to work out.”

Joel’s not looking into your eyes anymore. He’s stuck on your cheeks, as if looking directly into your open gaze will be too much.

“Why did you go back to Paul?”

“The same reason you went to Tess, I guess,” you reply in a murmur. “They fit us better.”

Joel looks like he’s considering this, his jaw tightening a fraction before releasing. “I guess so.”

His voice is soft and sad and you think that you could let this moment pass. You could ignore the question in the back of your mind even as it’s burning a hole through your brain. Joel said you’d talk about everything right? Get things out in the open?

“Joel. . . you just jumped into things with Tess weeks after everything went down. Weeks.”

“I know,” Joel nods, looking downcast. He looks at his lap, his mouth firm and his eyes pained. He makes this face often you notice, when he’s upset. Like he wants the world to swallow him whole.

“Did you really even like me that much?”

Your voice sounds so small in the room and Joel looks wounded at that, like he’s been shot. His eyebrows raise and lower, as if he can’t believe you’d ever think that. His hand is so close to yours that you feel it twitch, as if he’s fighting the urge to hold your hand again.

“Yeah. ‘Course I did.”

“Oh. Okay.”

Just throw your arms around him and kiss him.

Think of Marmalade.

Joel shuffles back in his chair, his hands off the table. He takes several long, deep breaths as he glanced around your suite looking pained. Then when looks as if he’s given himself the courage he looks back at you.

“Do you ever get lonely?”

“Of course I do,” you answer with a soft laugh, taking another sip of your drink. “Everyone does.”

Joel nods before leaning forward, his elbows on the table as he begins scrubbing at his face. His coffee is forgotten at his elbow, growing cold and barely touched.

“Okay, since we’re bein’ honest and all…It’d been a while since I felt really, truly lonely. Not since when Michelle left and I was raising Sarah all by myself. Over the years you know, you get over that loneliness because it starts to become a part of you.” Joel takes a shuddering breath. “And then when you were gone it just came back really strong. And every day you didn’t call me I just. . . And Tess was saying she was lonely too and I think we just wanted to not be lonely together. . . Does that make sense?”

“Yeah,” you reply with a nod. “It does. But what does Sarah think?”

“Sarah doesn’t know we’re dating. She thinks it’s just play dates.”

“She’s not stupid, Joel.”

“No,” Joel relents. “She’s not. But she’s also five and doesn’t see Tess outside of time with her and Daniel.”

“What about when Tess spends the night?”

Fuck why did I ask? Now I get to imagine them fucking. Great. And they’re both so good looking its probably better than the hottest porno. Fuck.

Joel makes a face halfway between guilt and embarrassment. “She uh, she doesn’t see Tess those times. . . She comes over after Sarah’s in bed and leaves before she wakes up.”

“Okay.” You can’t think of how to answer him any other way. You fidget in your seat, draining the rest of your coffee. Joel looks flustered, his mouth twitching as if he’s fighting an internal argument.

“You really think I used you for babysitting just so I can go off with Tess?”

You hadn’t been expecting that to be brought up. You’re startled into a choked laugh at the absurdity. Joel’s face is serious though, his mouth held in that tense, sideways way he adopts when he’s upset by something.

“No,” you shake your head. “I don’t. I was just angry.”

“Angry at me?”

“Kinda,” you shrug your chin dropping. “Angry that you brought Tess to the dinner.”

Joel is surprised by this. “But. . . She was invited by Maria and Tommy. And you told me you just wanted to be friends.”

“And I do,” you say readily.

“And you’re with Paul, I thought.”

“I am.”

“So then why-“

“Because I’m don’t like her, okay?” you feel your cheeks flaming at the admission. “I didn’t like that she was rubbing your arm and acting all annoying and I didn’t like that she was trying to ingratiate herself into everything. Coming to the wedding, going shopping with Maria, talking about Sarah like they’re best friends. Next up she’ll be doing trivia with Tommy at the Bison or some shit. And you’re all so happy about it, you and Maria and it’s like. . . Like you’re… Like you’re all trying to replace me.”

It comes out in a rush, the last sentence hanging between you and Joel like a rope. A truth you hadn’t even known yourself. You jump from the table, your body electric with anxiety and anger interconnecting within your nervous system. You start pacing back and forth, your eyes no longer on Joel even as you wail at him.

“I was gone for six weeks and you all just. . . And the worst part is its working! It’s fucking working! Maria keeps talking about how cool Tess is and Sarah was talking about what mug she uses and I’m just . . . I just –“

Joel’s arms are suddenly around you, pulling you into him tightly and crushing you against his chest. You don’t even know when he stood up. You don’t know when you started crying, but you are because fat ugly tears start to drop onto the front of Joel’s flannel as he holds you, your face buried in his neck. He smells like wood shavings and his soap and like home.

“No one is replacing you.”

“You’re lying.”

“I’m not,” he says. His mouth is at your temple. “I would never.”

You want to believe him. You desperately want to believe him. You’re clutching his flannel at the sides, clinging to him as he holds you. You can’t believe you’re actually back in Joel’s arms and how right it feels.

“Maria’s not replacing you either,” Joel insists, his words a muffled murmur beside your ear. “Neither is Sarah. You know how much she asks about you? Fucking daily. Just this morning she asked if you could come to the park with her and Tommy. Apparently I don’t rate an invite, but you do.”

He’s releasing you gently, watching the smile tug at the corner of your mouth at that. His hands slip down to your waist, still holding you. Your hands are still on his flannel, the worn fabric soft under your fingers.

“Really?”

“Really,” Joel assures you.

You go to say something else but Joel’s hand is before your face, brushing off the hair that has stuck itself to your tear stained cheek. You smile up at his gentle touch, your hands holding more tightly to the flannel.

Kiss me. Kiss me. Kiss me.

Your brain is repeating this over and over. You’re convinced that even though it exists only in the recesses of your mind that he must be able to hear it.

As if commanded his warm brown eyes drop down to your mouth, still brushing the hair from your face but now his forefinger lingers against your bottom lip. It grazes there and you’re transported to that night on his sofa when it all began.

I want him.

He’s not your to keep.

Tess. Paul.

You turn your face away, stepping back and giving him a shaky smile as you clear your throat. His hand drops to his side, loose and forgotten. You cross your arms over your chest, imagining that you must look just so alluring with your puffy, mascara-covered face.

“Any more questions for me, friend?”

Joel has a sad smile on his face as he shakes his head. “Nope. Those were the pressin’ ones, friend.”

You stand awkwardly from one another, unsure of yourselves. You want to keep him there though, warmed just by his presence. Joel doesn’t seem in any rush either, even though his hands have found their way back into his jean pockets.

“Wedding’s gonna be a fucking nightmare,” Joel eventually says to a crack in your floor. “Tommy says he wants to tattoo his ring instead of getting a real one.”

You can’t help but smirk as you imagine Maria’s reaction to that. “Maria hates tattoos.”

“I know, she told him as much when he first suggested it,” Joel grins. “But he keeps trying to convince her it’s better than real rings because real rings can get lost.”

You laugh now, a real laugh as you imagine the younger Miller desperately trying to convince your friend to tattoo her ring finger. The tension is easing out of the room moment by moment, one laugh at a time.

"Speakin’ of which though, today I thought we could uh, go get their wedding gift together at the mall," he rumbles. "You seem like you'd know what to get 'em... and I've got no fucking clue and since we’re friends and all. . . Can you help me out?"

He looks uncomfortable now, looking at you with those expressive brown eyes of his. He’s waiting for you to reject the idea and him.

"Sounds good," you nod.

He looks relieved, smiling briefly. "Okay then."

You tell him to wait in his truck and that you’ll be there in fifteen minutes so you can shower and get presentable. He goes to tell you that you look fine, but then remembers himself and he nods, leaving you with the door closed gently.

A short while later you sling your purse over your shoulder and head to his truck. He’s sitting there, looking lost in thought. He smiles though, snapping back to reality when he sees you approach.

He jumps out to open your side door, watching as you climb in. You do all of this while ignoring Frank who's drinking coffee on his porch and giving you a small wink as you drive away.

///

"This is perfect," you laugh as you lift the large ceramic bowl in the current shop you’ve walked into. It's in the shape of a cowboy hat with a painted on Texas flag. It's the tackiest thing you have ever seen. “And its only twenty five bucks.”

Joel is at your elbow, taking the bowl from you with an exaggerated grunt.

"I should get 'em this," he mutters. "Serves ‘em right for not registering anywhere."

You smile at one another, chuckling softly. You've been at the mall for a good hour now trying to find a good engagement gift. So far you’ve seen nothing but shit that Maria would roll her eyes at and Tommy would pretend to like just to be polite.

"Let's go in on a gift together," you suggest inspired. "We can get them something really nice for the party. Like that really expensive mixer Maria always talking about. Even though she’s a terrible fucking baker.”

A couple's gift, your brain points out.

You expect Joel to hesitate but he's nodding and agreeing that it's a good idea. You’re pretty sure he’s just sick of shopping and you can’t blame him. You tell him to hold tight and then approach a salesclerk standing a few feet away.

"Hi were looking for that KitchenAid mixer," you say motioning to Joel and then to the empty display. "It’s for a wedding. Do you have any left?"

The woman taps onto the computer she’s near, her long nails clattering. “One in back. I’ll grab it.”

When the clerk returns with the mixer Joel is at your elbow, extending the credit card. You make a note to tell him you’ll give him a check for your half.

"I hope you two have a wonderful wedding," the woman says approvingly as the sale goes through, shoving the box towards Joel.

"Oh uh, no, he's not, we're not -" you're stammering, you cheeks flushing. "It's our friend is getting married. His brother."

Joel is silent, watching you with an amused smirk as you point at him, red-faced. The woman nods, looking at you with a bored glance that suggests she was just being polite, she doesn’t need to know your life story.

///

The truck ride home feels calm and easy. Not words you would have ever associated with Joel in recent weeks. There’s so much goodwill between the two of you, it makes the day feel brighter and happier.

It makes you want to extend an olive branch, but you struggle to think of one until your pass a herd of sheep and your mind is triggered into the subject of the sanctuary.

“Does your company ever do bigger projects like animal sanctuaries? I got the funding approved and I’m a bit overwhelmed. I kinda don’t know where to start.” You worry your bottom lip between your teeth. “Maybe your company knows more about large land builds?”

“Not really my expertise but I can get you in touch with someone who won’t rob you blind,” Joel says, glancing at you and then back at the road.

You feel a bit silly for having offered at all, he probably doesn’t want to jump into working with you again. You’re just barely friends again, you’re moving too fast.

“We do more houses and offices and stuff like that,” Joel explains when you go quiet. “You’ll need someone more experienced in land development and zoning and all that. Otherwise you know Tommy and I would be there at first light.”

This makes you feel better, less rejected and you nod. Alex and you are talking more about it Monday and you’re sure she’s got some good ideas as well.

You relax back into the trucks bench seat, your eyes snaking over to Joel's thigh. You remember that night he reached out and grabbed your knee, making little swirling motions with his thumb. You daydream now that he'd do the same, only with your bare legs and his hand on your thigh squeezing and-

Stop it.

You straighten in your seat before glancing over your shoulder and checking in the back to ensure that the mixer is still strapped in tightly in Sarah’s car seat.

“What park did she and Tommy go to?”

“One down the street from you,” Joel shrugs. “Forget the name.”

“Mmm.”

You turn on the radio, wanting a bit of something in the background. Joel watches this, and you’re amused when you flip the dial to a pop station and he rolls his eyes.

“Sorry it’s not eighties country,” you tease gently. “Gonna have to drag you kicking and screaming into this decade.”

“Who said I only listen to country music?” Joel defends. You give him a look, scanning his truck and outfit before landing back on his face.

“Come on, Joel.”

“Okay, fine.” He laughs at this, a cute chuckle that has you chuckling back because you can see that dimple of his. With a flutter of joy you realize that things are feeling like before. Before the stupid confessions and Christmas party. Back when you could just co-exist in each other’s world. Before things got complicated.

“Thanks for pushing this,” you suddenly say casually. “This friend thing.”

Joel gives a small hum in response. “Thanks for being open to it.”

He looks pleased with himself as he pulls into Maria’s driveway.

"But who knows how long Sarah's gonna want me around anyway," you reason as he stops the truck and turns it off, the smile only half remaining on your lips. "Now that you have Tess, I'm probably gonna be chopped liver. Soon you’ll only have to put up with me at family dinners."

This sobers the moment, almost as if the golden hour of the truck has been drained into a saturated hue of dark blues. Joel goes to say something when you hear your voice being called. Frank is on the porch smiling broadly at you and beckoning you forward.

"Frank and Bill are the best neighbors I've ever had," you admit with amusement. "But Jesus, they are nosy."

You go to exit the truck by yourself but Frank has sailed over calling your name and looking impossibly chic in his jumper and grey slacks. He pulls the stuck door handle as if he’s your chauffeur.

"Hello beautiful, hello Joel! Long time no see. C'mon in you two. I just put a pot on and Bill's made a delicious pie. Sugar free but you'd never be able to tell!"

////

Minutes later you and Joel are seated across from Bill and Frank in their kitchen. Light is streaming in from the large bay windows and between that, the tea and almond pie you feel thoroughly contented.

Bill isn’t really engaged, he’s shovelling pie into his mouth. You think about mentioning how wonderful it was when he sang, but decide that this version of Bill wouldn’t be receptive to it.

"We never really got to chat at the Christmas party," Frank says animatedly to Joel. "Tell us about yourself, Joel."

The Christmas party.

You feel your cheeks flaming red but you force your eyes to your plate.

Joel is halfway lifting a forkful of pie to his mouth, but he stops, lowering the utensil gently.

"Uh, not much to tell."

"Well we know your daughter is precious," Frank gushes and you see Joel relax a fraction. That's the thing about Joel Miller; love his daughter and you're in his good books.

“She is that.”

"She’s also so smart," Frank enthuses through a sip of tea. "She came in at the start of the party and knew a bunch of the books in my studio."

"She loves to read."

"Sarah’s only five,” you add. “Well, almost six. But I swear her reading comprehension is off the charts."

"Guess we'll see when she starts the first grade," Joel says casually, but his dimple is peeking out, pleased. "I was never good at school. Didn't like it much. Don't think I passed many tests the first time."

"Standardized testing is a joke," Bill chimes in between bites. "It has nothing to do with real-world knowledge."

"I agree," Joel nods and this surprises you have you ever seen anyone agree with Bill and mean it? "Only class I ever enjoyed was shop. That's why I went into construction, I like using my hands."

"Oh I'm sure," Frank enthuses at that, slanting a meaningful look to you across the table.

You sputter on the pie you're eating, to everyone's surprise. Joel nudges your teacup towards you and you take it up and sip quickly.

"Sorry, a bit dry," you lie, your cheeks stained red.

Bill gives a harrumph and you know that you've earned a strike against you for that comment.

As the four of you chat, you tell them about you and Joel's shopping trip and the mixer you both went in on. Bill tells you about general upkeep to the mixers that most people don't know about.

After a while you go with Frank to clean up the dishes, leaving Joel and Bill at the table across from one another. These porcelain dishes belonged to Bill's mom and Frank insists on hand washing them after use. It's a testament to how much Bill trusts you that he allows you to help.

You're pouring dish soap into the sink but you glance over when Frank swoops over, his light eyes shining

"Is he good in bed?" Frank whispers this so quietly you barely hear him.

"Huh?"

"He's so beautiful," Frank says in that same urgent whisper. "His fucking mouth has me weak. Please tell me he's bad in bed so I can stop having construction worker fantasies."

You glance over your shoulder to see Joel and Bill muttering to one another. Both men seem out of their element, waiting for you and Frank to return and put them out of their misery.

"We're not together," you reply easily. "Just friends."

You go back to the dishes, reaching for a cloth to dry with.

"You may not want him, but he sure as hell wants you," Frank says as he passes you the clean dish to wipe.

"You're imagining things," you say with a roll of your eyes.

"I sure as hell wasn't imagining things at the party."

"That was a long time ago," you frown. "Things have changed."

"Is that why he's been in there suffering through one of Bill's conspiracy theories for the past hour? Or the way he keeps staring at you when you aren't looking?"

What the fuck? Joel's been looking at you? A fire of delight goes through your body at that. Then all at once that flame is extinguished and you sober.

"Well considering he's got a girlfriend I find that very hard to believe," you grumble.

"He doesn't," Frank says looking devastated. His hands are on the counter, limp in disbelief.

"He does," you inform Frank and you wipe the plate. "And he really likes her."

"Fuck," Frank sighs.

"Yeah," you nod, sighing heavily. "Fuck."

////

“C’mon, just one verse.”

“No,” you insist with a laugh. “I haven’t sung in forever.”

Paul and you sit opposite Tommy and Maria in her place. You’ve all had a great dinner and now the wine is flowing like water. Even Maria who had her reservations is smiling and laughing along with Paul tonight.

“Oh just sing! It’s been too long!”

It’s been a few weeks since Paul came back into your life and you are enjoying every moment.

Paul is so present, so aware of you. When you’re down he senses it, coming up to hug you from behind. Sometimes for no reason at all he brings you home the chocolates you like. He tells you he’s excited about the teaching job that starts in April, even though he’s nervous. He shares everything with you and he understands when you hold your inner life inside.

He learns about Joel through you, and he’s never jealous or angry that you spend time at the Miller’s babysitting Sarah. He thinks that it’s great that you have such a wonderful support system. He said those words: support system.

When you’re with Paul you remember why you fell so hard for him in the first place. When he smiles his eyes sparkle. When he looks up at you across the table at breakfast, a lone curl falling into his light eyes it makes you blush. He’s intense and serious, but so sweet.

One night in bed as he holds you close he asks you to move in with him. He wants to buy a place in Leander. You don’t reply, remembering what you had stipulated all those years ago.

“I know you didn’t want buy a place together until we were engaged,” Paul tells you with a kiss to your forehead. He lets that linger there, the rest of it unspoken. It’s too soon, you think. But then again it’s not like it’s a new relationship. You were with Paul for almost two years. Your time apart was a pause, not a restart.

Still you don’t answer him and he doesn’t press it.

And if you think of Joel once in a while, so what? If you find yourself alone in the evening with your hands moving desperately between your legs as you imagine Joel’s mouth on your skin, biting back his name as you come, so what?

It doesn’t mean anything.

Tonight you’re just enjoying the old feeling you used to have when you, Paul and Maria hung out together. When she used to come out to see you and he perform at local dive bars. Back then she wore a fake nose ring and no bra and you could normally find her making out with the hottest bartender in the place.

Tommy however is acting strangely. He’s been acting strangely all night and you don’t like it. It’s the way he looks at Paul, judgmental and strangely cold. You’ve never seen Tommy like that before. Even when he laughs along at something you and Paul joke about Tommy just smiles with eyes that stay flinty.

"You sing," you instruct Paul who wastes no time in pulling over the guitar he brought. There comes a knock at the door just as Paul is finishing his solo rendition of the latest Kenny Chesney song on the airwave. You all clap as Tommy stands.

“Joel’s coming to get the tools from my truck. I’ll just be a sec.”

“Tell him to come in for a drink,” Maria insists before catching herself. She glances over at you, looking worried until you give the smallest nod of approval.

Maria has no issue with Joel, you ensured that. He’s going to be her brother in law and you have no desire to create animosity there.

You hear Tommy and Joel speaking, the low murmur of the elder Miller brother dancing along your spine. You want him to come in for a drink. You want him to leave. This continual need for both makes you dizzy.

Paul’s arm is around your shoulders and without thinking you nestle into his side, your head falling onto his shoulder. Paul lays down his guitar, presses a kiss to your forehead and then continues on telling Maria about how he thinks that you should join he and Jack for the odd weekend gig.

“I think it’d be fun,” Maria agrees, pausing as Joel and Tommy enter the room.

With Tess.

She’s walking up behind Joel, but as they near her hand goes to wrap around his. Joel has paused, stopped halfway to where you and Paul sit in a comfortable embrace. The smile that had been on Joel’s face moments before is wiped away as if he’s come upon a ghost.

Immediately you stiffen in Paul’s arms. He doesn’t notice, he’s taking a sip of wine and running his fingers along your shoulder gently in a soothing fashion he’s adopted since returning into your life.

Tess is glancing Paul over and you’re secretly delighted. Paul is very handsome, you know that. Suddenly you’re really fucking happy Joel is there to see this. Happy that instead of it always being you stuck seeing Joel with Tess that now it’s the other way around.

Then you feel impossibly guilty. You and Joel are friends. Friends don’t do this. They don’t relish in the others discomfort.

“Hi,” you say to them both, but your eyes are on Joel.

“Hey. This is a surprise.”

“Hey,” Tess says calling out your name cheerfully as if you were talking to her. “I was hoping I’d see you again. I know Maria said you weren’t feeling so well at the party so I was thinking us girls should all go for drinks sometime. What do you think?”

“That sounds fun!” Maria enthuses, unaware of your continual distaste of Tess. She turns to you, unaware of the tension.

I’d rather set my labia on fire.

When you glance up you realize Tess is looking at you with such earnestness, hoping you’ll say yes.

“Sure,” you nod. “Let’s do it.”

///

Joel doesn’t like this. He doesn’t like walking in and seeing you all cozy with some lanky musician who’s got more product in his hair than you do. He doesn’t like that he can see your eyes are heavy-lidded from the wine in your hand because it makes him think of when you looked down your body at him moving between your legs.

Too bad, Miller. She ain’t yours.

He sure as fuck doesn’t like the idea of you having drinks with Tess. He doesn’t know why the thought of you spending time with Tess upsets him so much. Maybe he thinks you’ll talk about him and it makes him insecure.

Maybe he’s jealous she’ll get to see you and he won’t.

Fucking stop. Stop it.

He’s happy with Tess. He is. Life with her is easy and fun and he’d be lying if he said he didn’t enjoy the lack of chaos she brought into his life. Tess is steady and dependable and she goes down on Joel like it’s her day job. Driving. On the couch. In his bed. Whenever she feels like it needs to be sucked. And he lets her. He winds his hands in her hair and tilts his head back and explodes in her mouth.

Tonight though he’s agitated. Tess can see it right away when she sneaks into his house later that night and she knows what he needs for tension relief. Without question she’s got him standing next to the bed, his pants off and his cock in her mouth.

But tonight it’s not her hair under his hands, it’s yours. And it’s not her tongue dancing along the underside of his shaft, it’s yours. And when he comes with a shuddering roar moments later it’s not her name he bites back.

It’s yours.

///

“Maria do not make me go to this thing alone.”

“I’m sorry,” Maria says as she hands you the keys to the car. “I’m so sorry.”

You’re standing in her kitchen with a horrified look on your face. Maria looks beside herself, checking her phone and then ushering you out the door in front of her.

“The project was supposed to be done but I got called in. I need to do well on this or my chances of promotion are done. I’ll be done.”

You can’t argue with her can you? And you can’t cancel this fucking drinking night with Tess because you’re already late and she’ll be at the bar. Plus, you kind of just want this entire night to be over with.

When you arrive at the bar dressed nicely as you thought appropriate for such a venue you see Tess already seated with a martini in front of her at a booth in the corner. She looks amazing – her body is toned and she wears something clingy. Her face is beautiful and she barely needs any makeup.

When she sees you arrive she flashes a weak smile. “Where’s Maria?”

“Work thing,” you say standing behind the seat opposite her. You can’t help but notice that her eyes look a little bleary, like she’s been pre-drinking a lot longer than this current martini would suggest. “We could reschedule if you want?”

“No no,” Tess says motioning to the chair you’re standing behind. “It’s you who I wanted to talk with anyway. I wanna get to know you.”

You take the seat, smiling awkwardly before you give your order to the server. He leaves, bringing you back an ornate cocktail that you immediately regret.

“Place is trendy,” you observe with a frown as you take a sip. “And. . . Not great at mixing drinks.”

“Yeah one of the other nurses said it was the best,” Tess says with a distasteful look at the drink in front of her. “I’m never trusting her again.”

You let out a small humorless chuckle. You don’t want to extend this evening more than you have to. You’ll toss your drink back and then make up some excuse.

“Your boyfriend is so handsome,” Tess says out of nowhere with a giggle.

“Thanks,” you reply, ducking your head a bit embarrassed but pleased. Paul is handsome and a weirdly possessive part of you delights when women point out his looks.

“Maria says you guys were together a long time.”

“Mhmm. Two years.”

“Long time,” Tess repeats, twisting the toothpick holding the olive in her drink. “You never got married?”

“Came close,” you admit. “But we wanted different things. He wanted to keep touring, playing music. I wanted to put down roots. Have stability.”

“I get that,” Tess says with an emphatic nod. “And now?”

“He’s got a grown up job, wants us to move to Leander, wants to get married.”

“You’re eng-“

“No,” you correct her immediately, your heart leaping to your throat. “No. He just mentioned it.”

Tess nods, her eyes scanning your face as if she’s trying to understand you. As if when she looks at your face there is text revealing yourself to her. You blush under her scrutiny, turning your attention to her trimmed nails and their pale blue polish.

“My advice? Don’t rush into it.”

You’re surprised by this pronouncement. You’d expected the opposite from her, although you’re not sure why.

“Really?”

“Really.” Tess swirls the drink in her glass. “I’ve been divorced a bit over a year. My son, Daniel, he’s got a new stepmom. She’s apparently the most amazing person in the world. Just found out they’re expecting a baby. Gonna make Daniel a big brother.”

“Jesus.”

“Yeah. Now Daniel keeps asking me why I don’t have a baby and why I don’t have a husband and. . .” Tess gives a haggard laugh. “It’s brutal if I’m honest.”

For the first time since you met her, you feel sorry for Tess. Instead of the perfectly put together woman you met that first day, you see a human being. A woman tossed aside who carries within her anxieties and fears.

“I’m sorry, Tess.”

“You know Joel doesn’t even let Sarah know when I spend the night?”

“He doesn’t?” you reply even though Joel already told you that.

“Nope,” Tess replies, plucking the olive from her drink with her tongue. She chews thoughtfully. “He only let’s me come over when she’s asleep and I have to sneak out when she’s awake.”

“That’s horrible.”

“It’s only fair,” Tess shrugs. “I make him do the same when Daniel’s around. Easier for me though because he’s with his dad half the time. But I’m starting to think that this might be a long term thing with me and Joel and I just don’t know if he’s ready for it.”

“I bet he is,” you insist, feeling her eyes on you. “Joel doesn’t keep people around just for the fun of it. Not his style.”

“You’re right about that,” Tess says with a voice thick with emotion. “You know better than anyone. I mean, I know how much you mean to him and Sarah.”

“They mean a lot to me too.”

“Sarah is just besotted,” Tess continues, her eyes scanning your face in that strangely intense way of hers. “Never stops talking about you. Gives me sort of a complex some days.”

She’s laughing but it’s not touching her eyes. You’re careful with how you respond to that. You lift your brows, taking a sip of your drink. Tess leans forward almost beseechingly in your direction, her voice dropping.

“It’s just . . . How do I win Sarah over?”

You pause, blinking. “Win her over?”

“She’s such a sweet kid and when I see her with you I think she must be the most loving kid on the planet,” Tess says. “And when it’s the four of us we have a lot of fun. But when it’s just me and Sarah alone sometimes? She’s icy.”

“She’s only five,” you argue. “How icy can a five-year-old be?”

“You’ve met her father,” Tess replies with a smirk. “His genes live in that little body of hers.”

You can’t help but laugh at this. It’s true, on the days when Sarah is stubborn, ordering her stuffed animals to listen when she talks or frowning at your proposed bedtime that she’s Joel child. But then she hugs you and tells you she cares for you and she smiles in the way that shows her dimple and you know she’s Joel’s child then too.

"Please. Anything you can offer I'd be so appreciative."

Tess is inching forward, folding her hands on the table to give you her full attention.

“She loves books,” you say as you bring forth the image of sweet little Sarah in your mind. “She loves being outside, she loves The Little Mermaid and anything purple.”

“I’ve noticed the purple thing,” Tess laughs. “Got her a lavender sweater for her birthday.”

“She loves toads and frogs too.”

“Oh right.”

“Michelle had a turtle though so I feel like she’s gonna be obsessed with those next,” you laugh, shaking your head with affection before taking a small sip from your overly sweet cocktail.

But Tess isn’t laughing along with you, she isn’t even smiling. In fact she looks confused.

“Michelle?”

“Joel’s ex wife,” you say frowning.

All at once you can see the chill coming into Tess’ normally clear eyes

“He talks to you about Michelle?”

A frost is building in her tone and you feel the first signs of distress. Fuck, you wish Maria was here right now. Fuck her job. Fuck everything. You want to leave and get away from Tess and her intense stare.

“Only once or twice,” you say with a careless shrug. “Long time ago when Sarah was asking lots of questions about her.”

Tess nods, but her mouth is firmer, tighter. You both turn to your drinks, sipping quickly. You see the indecision crossing Tess’ face and you wonder if she’s feeling vulnerable, thinking Joel is telling you things he isn’t telling her. You want to assure her, want to strengthen that bond of unspoken sisterhood. There’s a good chance that Tess will be in Joel’s life a long time and subsequently in yours.

The server comes over with menus that Tess is about to deny when you take the menu and give a surprised Tess a serious look as you drop your voice.

“I hear that the chicken fried bacon here is disgusting.”

Tess’ smile is slowly expanding over her face. “As bad as the drinks?”

“Worse.”

“Better order two plates then.”

The rest of the evening is spent eating chicken fried bacon (as disgusting as it looks), halfway decent puffy tacos (and you have to agree with Tess when she asks “Why the fuck would they call them that?”) and the most bland and over-oiled Texas Caviar either of you have ever eaten while you chat about work.

Tess is fascinated by your work, going as far as to ask if she can see the recently renovated office and the kennels. You both ease back in your seats as the mood slowly lightens again. Tess loves telling gross stories about her job as an ER nurse and you just so happen to love disgusting medical stories. When she finishes one up about a particularly alarming item found in a patient’s rear, the server brings your bills over and you both decide its time to part ways.

“This was nice,” you say, surprising yourself. You hadn’t been expecting quite so positive an outcome.

“Yeah,” Tess agrees, standing with a grin down at you. “We should do this again.”

“Sure.”

You’re surprised you mean it. As you grip you bill and prepare to go to the front of the restaurant to pay you’re slowed by Tess’ hand on your arm. You turn, noting the worry etching her features.

“I wanna ask a favor, but I’m worried if I do you’re gonna hate me.”

You pause, anxiety ticking at her inquiry. “Okay.”

“Maybe you could back off a little bit with Sarah?” Tess says and you can see it’s taking a lot for her to ask you that. “Just for a bit. Just until I can wedge myself in there, ya know?”

Tess is a good woman. She may not rate on your top ten list of People to Willingly Spend Time With, but she treats Joel and Sarah well. You recall your concerns about the waitress from the Bison that Joel dated all that time ago. Your concerns had been about how she’d work into a family of two already created.

But Tess? She’s in the same boat. Same family dynamic, same desire to do what’s right for her kid. Tess is probably on her way to loving Joel and if you were a good friend, you’d be sure to guide her in that direction.

Marmalade.

“Yeah. Of course.”

#fanfic #joel miller x you #joel miller x reader #joel miller fanfiction #dad joel miller #joel miller #fanfiction #joel miller smut #smut #pedro pascal #bill and frank #joel and tess

207 notes · View notes