#john haloman

[paterday]

Are John halomans parents still alive. Imagine the angst if they realized hey that’s our son boy who died but apparently also didn’t die

[poisonheadcrabsalesman]

Pspspspspsps Gordon guy and chief? Pspspspsps

listen, listen, I have not had caffeine or even sketched out my thoughts BUT they are all individual trainwrecks. Also every characterization from @fineworkdoctorpussy is right. John 117 was a kid, kidnapped, brainwashed, and experimented on and then became a symbol and a soldier to save humanity ever couple of years. He has no life and no social skills because he’s always being put back in cryo-sleep. “Wake me when you need me” crap. His “friends“ and the main people who interact with him are Cortana, weird AI mom/friend/romance, Sgt Johnson, marine man #1, and all the regular marines who die instantly or have some kind of hero worship thing, but it’s valid because that’s the Master Chief! I have feelings about the whole tool of whoever points them in a direction/gets put in stasis/ doesn’t get to have their own say in their life/is a not seen as human

Halo 4/5 sucks but John going a bit AWOL good. how many spoilers can I avoid? He loses people close to him and doesn’t always make it in time but he saves the planet/galaxy/universe.

NO ONE TALKS ABOUT HOW AFRICA GOT GLASSED BRO, I MEAN THEY HAD TO, TO SAVE THE REST OF THE PLANET, BUT UH BYE

Anyways that’s not what you asked for!!

If Gordon uses ASL I’m sure the HUD/Cortana could translate. Gordon and Chief talking tech would be great because Master Chief is like yeah we have Slip-space drives and space travel and I’ve been across the Milky Way to punch Zombies

Gordon’s like “I also had to fight zombies, it sucks we can’t save them after the headcrab/Flood get them. Wait tell me about the physics behind slipspace and faster than light travel“ and Chief would go “I don’t know I just keep blowing them up the drives to stop enemy ships and then jumping into space“ bro what

maybe other science stuff too like the AI on the ships and hard light constructs and Alien life fucking up Earth. fun stuff Doomguy and Master Chief would bond over trying to save the actual world and trying to herd weak little normal humans to safety and feeling bad. And I know we all think Gordon would say something and the rest of his family looks at him and say that’s fucked up but John literally is made to be like a machine and since childhood has either been training, on a mission, or frozen. He’s got issues!!! They have issues!!! I want a beach episode with master chief and gordon and doomguy, no demons, no Combine, no Covenant or whatever hell halo infinite is trying to pull. They try and find things to talk about but 1 they are not conversationalists, and 2 they can bitch to each other about being these larger than life figures, 3 I want to see tiny 5′10 Gordon next to Big Gun Man 1 and 2 anyways once again I am sorry but also we need a name for this so i can tag it better

#this is not a halo blog #doomguy #faebiie #freeguy117 #john haloman #john 117 #the ask

[etacyygnii]

Personally I’m very much appreciative of Halo only giving Spartans who aren’t the master chief massive asses

#gives the others a chance to outshine him #John ‘flatass’ haloman #halo shitpost #bethgibberish #john 117

[galway-bae]

the queer house at my college has an xbox and this copy of halo where someone lost the cover and put in a Very Genuine Replacement that appears to be a photocopy of the disc itself

if that isn’t proof that halo is gay culture I don’t know what is

#halo #screaming and then silence #feat my shoelaces in the bottom #I might draw them a cover btw queer icon john haloman deserves better

[communistkenobi-archive]

mr communism who would win in a fight John haloman or obes kenobes

master chief would snap that bitch in half like a twig

#halo.txt #sw.txt #questions in spaaace #no idea how the force factors into it. but that is my belief

[codenamesarestupid]

john haloman named after trans jesus bible verse new favourite fake post

[gryphsdeadbones]

Feetman buys clothes too big for himself too# they are tents on freemind

i also think about freeguy117 sometimes i think doom guy or john halomans outfts would be pretty big on even feetman 

freemind just collecting big hoodies dfkgjnksdlfngskdfgn THEIF,

#ask #gcu domestic au #Anonymous

[uss-edsall]

touhou doesnt have the wide cultural impact, I think, to make it into smash anytime soon

john haloman has a better chance of getting in, since microsoft already has characters in, and there was that one dead or alive crossover already

like I bet it is being considered but if it has to constantly go up against stuff that have made huge mainstream impact worldwide, it's gonna be repeatedly put back on the shelf for the next time to consider a new smash character

[mskittykat117]

Me, at 2am: Hey there demons, it's me, ya bo- JOHN HALOMAN *horribly played version of John Cena's theme plays*

#miroxons bullshit #john 117 #master chief

[sparatus]

on a sliding scale of garbage vs goode boye, ranging from starscream to john “chief” haloman, matteo shepard is, like, not the BEST boye but maybe a fair 8.5, a childe who is doing their very best but is just very tired

#councilor's notes #there are no nines on that scale you're either an 8.5 or lower or you are my big son john halo

[my-chemical-mermaid]

End PC gaming elitism I just like neat storylines and fun gameplay I don't care if the graphics are so good that John Haloman will physically shoot me and I certainly don't care about multiplayer.

#video game #video games #console gaming is valid #I'm very tired #i should go to bed

[poisonheadcrabsalesman]

i found freeguy117 today and ive just been reading everything in the tag and eating popcorn this is amazing and john absolutely deserves two boyfriends to love!! give him Comfort!!

!!! Hello! and thank you! We’re just having so much fun and I’m so glad other people are enjoying this goofy take-back of dudebro power fantasies.

Also Anon, I am shaking your hand. John definitely deserves comfort and who better than two other dudes who were also put in stasis, controlled by powerful forces, and lost people close to them? I’m not one of the artists but please check out the awesome drawings by everyone in the tag and also Flynn single-handedly carrying the ship on AO3. I promise i will write soon!

I love looking at things and going, “What if it was that deep?“ and” oh hey how do you react to that pressure and trauma?” and also cursing people with halo trivia and gameplay. It’s also really funny to imagine Gordon Freeman reacting to big space marine men who tear aliens apart with their hands and think jumping out of/ crashing ships is normal. He’s a nerdy mess of a person who hasn’t gotten a breather, but is probably the most well adjusted of the bunch.

Gordon’s physic puzzles are “use ramp for airboat”. John’s are “overload a ship’s fusion reactor and attempt to drive through a zombie obstacle course before the entire halo blows up”, he does this on more than one occasion. Cortana is his one brain cell and enables him. Anyways! thank you for your kind message! and please feel free to join in! We are all just lore dumping on each other about these franchises and wondering who would order pineapple on pizza and who is the messiest roommate.

#asks #anon #freeguy117 #john haloman #john 117

[poisonheadcrabsalesman]

As someone gifted with a mass amount of Halo lore, could you just clarify if the UNSC operates more like the Marines or the Navy because I am getting mixed signals? Also because if they do operate like the marines, John's rank should actually be Master Gunnery Sergeant which is moderately funny

Anon, bless your heart, calling me gifted instead of "cursed", or a "plague upon others". You don't have to lie to me. The UNSC is operates on such a scale that it includes all the military branches. It's like the big overarching agency that is backed up by the government and has been given absolute emergency power for a long time because humanity has been losing for decades.

The UNSC has separate Naval and Ground Commands that have the Navy and Marines under them, respectively.

John Haloman is a Spartan-II and the II’s were under the command of the Navy.  Spartans didn’t get their own branch until the creation of the Spartan-IVs (the non-child soldier ones) and it was introduced in the comics.

If I get any of this wrong I know halo fans will appear and correct me.

Okay, now to the best part of your question. Master Chief’s rank.

John Halo, wait, sorry he took Cortana’s name in the marriage,

John Microsoft is Master Chief Petty Officer John 117 and has been for over 30 slutty, slutty years.

And he got his promotion in the field! as a teenager!

This bit from Silent Storm is the scene where he is ordered to accept the promotion.

“And here we can see the exact moment all of John's complexes form“ - Gunny

I think it’s sort of a running gag at this point that this 50 year old man is still a MCPO, because he is The Master Chief. Literally other MCPO go by “Top Chief” out of respect for John Halo. (wish I was making this up)

Also he turns down promotions from his boss!

#asks #anon #this is not a halo blog #this is a halo recruitment blog it says so in the description #long post #sorry folks #thank you for the ask #hid it in a readmore

[poisonheadcrabsalesman]

25: If you could remove one character from John Haloman’s universe, who would it be? Why? :)

Do you know how many problems I could cause and/or solve? This is really hard, oh my god.

Like....I could choose one of the war criminals responsible for the child soldier stuff, but then the effects...

Honestly I was raised a dumb gamer and didn't know jackshit about all the extra forerunner stuff. I'd throw out the Didact.

No more space eugenics, go back to aliens vs humans vs zombies. I'm a simple crab.

(Gunny said Del Rio then switched to the forerunners)

#blue-matches-my-eyes-you-prick #asks #ask game tag

[poisonheadcrabsalesman]

i have 0 knowledge of doomguy or whoever the other armor dude is tbh but im just having an absolute blast seeing you guys talking about it im so amused

Thank you for your kind words and your patience. being serious for .2 seconds I’m so surprised when people enjoy the words I post with little forethought. Y’all putting up with the halo bs is so nice lmao. Back to funny times, John Haloman was my dad but he’s a bootlicker and needs boyfriends to help him thru all his trauma and fucked up people coming together is great

wait I said I’d be funny uhhhhh I want to see doomguy and master chief use gordon as a football and just throw him

#asks #dirtdweller #thank u #im glad people are having fun bc im having a blast #freeguy117 #this is not a halo blog #john 117

[sparatus]

@ulriics replied to your post: when u just wanna see nice saren art but ur...

If i can ever figure out how 2 draw turians. I will draw u saren.

this is the dowry for marrying my son..... do this and u may marry my boy john-117 haloman

#ulriics #press conference #councilor's notes #this is a joke ur already married