*anything with a suspicious red splotch or streak on a white background *
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Peter, a Professional Gen Z kid, after realizing that Vision is literally an Internet in a humanoid form: Hey, mr. Vision.
Vision: Yes, Peter?
Peter: And they were roommates.
Vision, without hesitation: Oh my god they were roommates.
Peter, throwing an empty Dr. Pepper can into the trashcan: THIS BITCH EMPTY
Vision, without looking up from his paprikash: YEET
Peter, pointing at a trashcan he set on fire: *John Mulaney impression* This is an on-fire garbage can...
Vision, also pointing at a trashcan: Could be a nursery.
Tony, running towards the trashcan with a fire extinguisher: WHAT.
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mrs holmes: sherlock, what do we do now? you were always the grown up.
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so was anyone gonna tell me John Mulaney is having a child with Olivia Munn or was I supposed to find out via a Lil Nas X meme?
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I had a vision...
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I can't even remember what bit this is from but all day I've had John Mulaney's voice yelling in my head "STAY DOWN ON THE GROUND! STAY DOWN ON THE GROUND, YOU MOTHERFUCKER!!"
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john mulaney is literally mike wheeler as an adult you cant change my mind
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you can be upset about it but for the love of god keep your thoughts to yourself
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john mulaney has checked into rehab. here’s what we are going to do:
• support him
• wish him well
• respect his privacy
here’s what we are NOT going to do
• make jokes because addiction is not funny
• speculate anything about his marriage or personal life
• attack those in his personal life (*ahem, leave anna alone. don’t go asking pete davidson for details. none of that)
addiction is a serious disease, and while this news may be troubling, i am so proud of him for seeking help. you can too.
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i swore i wasn’t gonna do this but this whole website is full of confused clowns who has never had a grown up relationship in their life so here we go.
the majority of the posts about john mulaney and olivia munn expecting a child fall into a very weird pattern. the tone is basically “oh so your parasocial crush john mulaney disappointed you boohoo what have we learned now?”, the moral of the story being that you shouldn’t idealize famous people. fair enough, that’s a a reasonable point to make on its own. the problem arise when you apply that particular lesson to this particular situation because here’s the kicker: he hasn’t done anything wrong.
“but he left his wife!! he said he was in love with her and then he left and he got a new girlfriend and now they’re having a kid even though he said he didn’t want kids!!”. none of this is morally wrong. if he wasn’t in love with his wife anymore, he did the right thing by divorcing her. if he fell in love with another person and wanted to be with her, he did the right thing by doing so. it’s that easy.
sometimes tumblr seems to operate under the assumption that whenever another person is hurt, it must mean that someone else did something wrong, something vicious and most importantly, with mailce. that’s not how interpersonal relationships work. people fall in love, fall out of love, divorce, want different things in life with different people without ever being morally wrong. that means things can get messy and people can get hurt and hearts can be broken without villains, without ill intent. we are human beings with human feelings and it is impossible to live a life in which you’ll never hurt anyone else.
the problem isn’t (for now) that people put john mulaney on a pedestal - the problem is that people seem to genuinely think that getting a divorce is reason enough for someone to fall from said pedestal?? i don’t want to make this about purity culture, but i find it somewhat telling that the same website that was ready to fully cancel jeff goldblum for marrying a very much grown up woman (31) simply because of an age gap also seems to have “trouble” with john’s “choices”. not to be all go out and touch some grass on main, but please believe me when i say that you can fall out of love with someone and feel bad about it and still leave them in the end because that’s simply how life works.
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May 10th recap
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i love how all of the other platforms are banning Trump while Tumblr is here like
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