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editsty · 7 months

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satorgoju · 2 years

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GOD I'M NOT YOUR STRONGEST SOLDIER

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1-800-ye0sangspr1ncess · 6 months

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an: was listening to ella mai's shot clock and here we are. part 2 probably when i remember to actually create rather than consume when i'm on here

you'd just about had it with johnny...

you'd had it with him thinking coming over to your place and occasionally having toe curling sex was a date, you'd had it with how he'd met all of your friends and you were yet to meet his, you'd had it with how loosely he threw around pet names like "mine and "my girl", whispering sweet nothings to you - completely oblivious to the effect things as simply complex as "only for me..." had on you - you'd had it with how he'd cockblock you and claim you as his every time other guys tried to hit on you at parties, how he'd make no efforts to tell people off when they made passes at him, but heaven forbid another man did so much as look at you and all hell would break loose.

the worst part of it wasn't that you'd had to turn down men that were just as hot as him. oh no, not at all. in-fact, you were quite pleased with yourself for having bagged the fine specimen. a devious smile that was a code you could never quite crack, you'd come to learn meant a multitude of things, his gaze was one that could do so much as to leave you a stuttering mess upon making eye contact, his height foreshadowed the sizeable member that lie beyond the material of his beloved pair of jeans.

there was more to him than the physical, he had manners, something of his you admired. how he respected both you and himself enough to freshen up before coming over, always waiting for you to give him the 'ok' to come in when you eagerly opened your apartment door to his smiley, clean and comfy looking self, nice enough to use a coaster when he poured himself something to drink - something he remembered you'd given him a stern talking to for not doing the first time he came over - using the ottoman rather than putting his legs up on the sofa or coffee table, offering to wash the dishes you were yet to muster up the energy to clean, how cocky and full of himself he was...how full of him you were, never missing the opportunity to call you his tiny baby, his size having you mutter incoherent babbles while his hips moved sporadically into you, having no qualms about wiping you down and opening a bath for you right after, how good he always smelt after coming out of the shower, the notable contrast compared to the room that both smelled and looked like a sex marathon had transpired.

But no, the worst part wasn't how perfect he was, the worst part was that he wasn't yours...

it sucked how much your heart melted when he'd do so little as to flash you a warm smile, it sucked how you loved how possessive he got of you, it sucked how he treated you like you were his special girl, it sucked how much you loved him...

it tore you apart knowing you had come this far with him and yet whenever you were asked on the status of your relationship, you'd be the only one that burned of embarrassment when you received looks of sympathy when you revealed he was merely your situationship. you knew you didn't have the heart to confront johnny about how he had practically dribbled and made a mockery out of your feelings. how each and every time you'd convinced yourself you were ready to cut him off, he'd snake his way up into the gap of your thighs, lapping away at the front of bravery you'd put up as if it were ice cream and all you could do was lay there to melt.

if you hadn't yet mentioned it in the last six months, what would trigger the sudden change?

maybe it was the fact that the soft patters of water had prematurely woken you up from sleep. reaching for his phone for the time, only for there to be a pang you felt in your heart as you read the crude notification from one of the girls you'd seen at a party you'd attended mere hours early, while your boy-...friend was in the shower. not surprised by what you had assumed were his antics, you weren't angry, or even hurt, just sheerly and utterly drained.

for the duration of the party and every party prior to that, you hadn't over-stepped and told anybody to back off from making any advances on him. it wasn't because you had faith in him, you couldn't stomach yet another look of sympathy, one of those looks that made it very evident that you weren't his, you were just his favourite.

................

an: man i'm so incredibly tired but i didn't want you guys to forget me lmao.... here's a little something of proof i'm not dead and whatnot...