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eddie: i, uh….. i crashed my car when mike called me.

richie: (oh my god he’s coming out to us does this mean i might have a chance)

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A young student female nurse appears and gives him a partial sponge bath.

“Nurse,”’ he mumbles from behind the mask, “are my testicles black?”

Embarrassed, the young nurse replies, “I don’t know, Sir. I’m only here to wash your upper body and feet.”

He struggles to ask again, “Nurse, please check for me. Are my testicles black?”

Concerned that he might elevate his blood pressure and heart rate from worrying about his testicles, she overcomes her embarrassment and pulls back the covers.

She raises his gown, holds his manhood in one hand and his testicles gently in the other.

She looks very closely and says, “There’s nothing wrong with them, Sir. They look fine.”

The man slowly pulls off his oxygen mask, smiles at her, and says very slowly,

“Thank you very much. That was wonderful. Now listen very, very, closely:

"Are - my - test - results - back?”

via reddit
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Guy figures out how to get passed security cameras to rob a bank.

Keeps all the money in his house.

Installs security cameras in his house.

Another guy breaks in and tries to rob him for his money and fails.

At the end of his life, the man’s son asks “how did you keep catching everyone who tried to rob you?”

Guy says “I had a better system than the people I stole the money from.”

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