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hollybell51 · 2 years

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Worse ways to cope

Series masterlist, masterpost

Minho x fem!Reader

The Death Cure (2011 novel - James Dashner, 2018 film - Wes Ball)

Word count: 4658

Summary: “lightly buzzed” confessions leading to making out leading to sex on a shitty couch. Set post-canon (hence The Death Cure as source media)

Content: smut. A massive amount of backstory for absolutely no reason. A lot of angst, talking about Newt dying (so violence, bit of mentioned blood/wounds etc). DRINKING! ALCOHOL! Unhealthily used alcohol! Don’t read this if you don’t wanna read about using alcohol as a coping strategy (disclaimer! I’m not endorsing or romanticising this at all, and I don’t encourage it! If things are rough, you should just spew your thoughts to strangers on the internet. Substances = bad coping mechanism). Kinda friends with benefits, feelings confessions, porn with feelings, making out, blowjobs, hickeys, light dirty talk, missionary, sex on a couch, safe sex (condoms! Yay!), first time

Notes: I got like three people asking for the others after I posted the Newt one so here you go, enjoy! Also apologies for the really bad summaries, I just suck at doing them and I can’t exactly get a friend to read my stuff then do it for me lmao

You set down the bottle with a soft “clunk”, leaning back against the couch. It was old and battered and a lot of the coverings on the cushions were coming off, not to mention the countless holes, but compared to the last few months it was heaven. The whole Safe Haven was heaven.

“That better not be empty,” Minho said, eyeing the (not empty) bottle between your feet.

“Half full,” you replied. “Is it Gally’s?”

He nodded. It sure tasted like the god-awful moonshine Gally used to make in the Glade, but you couldn’t be sure. Horrible as it was, the burn and the bitterness was familiar and welcome, a tie to the life and the people you’d left behind.

You glanced at your friend. He was slumped beside you, idly fiddling with the hem of his shirt, staring at the wall. You’d done this before, in the days since you’d arrived at the Safe Haven. But today was different, or he was different today. You could feel it. Maybe it was the warm breeze that had picked up around lunch time, maybe it was the prospect of the group of people who had volunteered to leave the safe haven tomorrow. Either way, you were restless and fidgety and there was definitely something tense in Minho.

It had been exactly a month since you’d arrived, and there was something heavier about everyone who’d been there in the city that night; you, Minho, Brenda, Thomas and Gally. Newt’s absence was like when you lost a tooth and you couldn’t stop running your tongue over where it should be, only to find empty space. And pain.

Even now, you could still see every detail with perfect clarity. The blue of the lights mingled with the orange of the fires, debris raining left and right as the walls came tumbling down and the desperate people from outside stormed the city. You didn’t want to think about your friend, lying on the ground, the handle of the knife sticking straight up from his chest. You didn’t even want to think about Teresa, sinking into a pit of flames as you all watched, helpless. You wanted to block the whole thing from your mind.

“I should’ve been faster,” Minho said, snapping you back to the present. “I could’ve saved him.”

You snorted. “We all could’ve saved him.” It always came back to this, no matter what. You’d sit down, have a normal conversation, maybe even crack some jokes, but then there was that massive pit yawning inside you that inevitably sucked everyone back to that night. It was like a black hole, so dense that nothing could escape its pull, devouring everything around it. But it was something that tied you together, and as much you hated it, you didn’t hate it.

He turned to look at you, his brow furrowed. “Do you blame me?”

You slowly bent, picked up the bottle and took another mouthful. Did you blame him? You couldn’t say you didn’t think it was his fault Newt had died, but Thomas had been the one with the knife and anyone else in the party had failed to see the signs or notice the scratch on his arm. You felt a bit bad for laying it all one someone who was dead, but really it was Newt’s fault for not telling anyone.

“(Y/N)?” Minho was looking at you, and though he tried to keep his face neutral, his eyes were pleading with you. Say no, he seemed to be screaming, say it wasn’t me. You knew the feeling all too well. You’d played the whole thing over and over, trying to work out if you could have done anything, and had come to the conclusion that if you’d been quicker getting the bloody berg to the rendezvous point, Newt probably still would have been alive. It ate at you even though you’d decided to put the responsibility on his shoulders.

“A lot of things could’ve gone different,” you said at last. “If he’d just told us straight off the bat, chances are we’d have gotten the cure. Simple as that.”

“You’re right.” He nodded, blowing out a breath between his teeth. “You’re right.”

“I wish I could just scratch the whole thing off my brain. It’s like…” you hesitated, struggling to find the words. “It’s like this coating over everything, you know?”

“Yeah,” he laughed, taking the bottle from between your legs. “I know what you mean.”

You were feeling lighter, softer. You supposed it was the alcohol hitting, but nothing really seemed as dark and real as it had just minutes before. It was like someone else’s memory, still sitting uncomfortably in your mind, but duller. You leaned over, resting your head on Minho’s shoulder and tracing a lemniscate on his thigh. Or an eight, depending on how you looked at it.

“This tastes so bad,” he whispered, as if the stuff in the bottle might hear him and get offended. “But it’s so good.”

“We should save some for later,” you whispered back. But you knew you wouldn’t, you never did. Thomas would frown if he saw you now, if he could hear your thoughts. He’d told you countless times to lay off the drinking, that he knew it was an escape but that that was bad, that it was better for everyone if you all just toughed it out sober and miserable. You had to disagree with him there.

Minho passed you the bottle, and you clumsily replaced the lid. You slid it onto the ground, groaning as it toppled over. But it was stoppered, so it would be fine.

“Keep doing that,” he told you, gesturing to your hand. You’d stopped tracing patterns on him to close the bottle, but at his words you resumed. He sighed, watching your fingers raptly.

“I’m happy you’re here,” you said eventually. It was true, he’d been your pillar of support over the last month. You’d sat together at almost every meal, worked on whatever it was you were doing together, talked about whatever you wanted to talk about, walked together and, yes, gotten drunk together. It was ridiculously comforting to have someone you liked being around who wanted to be around you.

“I’m pretty stoked about it too,” he grinned. You lightly punched his arm. “Seriously though,” he went on. “I’m happy you’re here.”

You looked up from your tracing, meeting his eyes. He was sincere, for once, and totally open. You hadn’t realised how important that was until recently, but now you treasured the fact that you could see his thoughts on his face. He could see yours too.

He glanced around quickly, but the recreation-room-turned-second-storage-shed you haunted was far enough from everyone else that nobody was going to disturb you. That was what you liked about it. Minho’s eyes found your own again, then flicked down to your lips, so fast you thought you’d imagined it. Were you that kind of drunk? Did you want to be? Then it happened again, and you were sure it was real.

Oh, was all you could think as he leaned forward, closing the gap between you with a kiss so gentle you could hardly believe it was coming from Minho, who never did anything by halves, and was always so loud and quick to add his five cents to anything. But his mouth was hesitant against yours, giving you plenty of time to draw back and tell him no, tell him that this wasn’t what you wanted.

Ironically, it was that very gentleness that cemented in your mind that yes, you very much did want this. You were angled awkwardly, twisted in the middle of your body with your legs beside his and your chest pressed against his shoulder. As you returned the kiss you shifted, your hands finding purchase on the front of his shirt, your fingers tangling in the material.

His own hands moved lightly down your sides, pulling at you to come closer. Without breaking the kiss, you slid a leg over his and shifted to straddle him, your hands still firmly planted on his chest. He was solid, real and warm and fuck he felt good to touch. Your earlier restlessness had migrated down to sit between your legs, uncomfortably warm and not entirely welcome.

“Fuck, (Y/N),” he whispered, pulling back for air. “I’m sorry, I don’t wanna take advantage of you or anything like that–”

“You’re not,” you cut him off.

“You’re drunk.”

“I’m buzzed, and not any more than you.”

A muscle twitched in his jaw as he looked from your face to the empty space behind you, the cogs whirring in his head. Damn him and his morals, you thought. Why did he have to choose now to be the perfect gentleman?

“If you don’t want to…” you started, but stopped when he shook his head. “You don’t want to?”

“I do,” he practically growled. “And that’s the bloody problem, isn’t it? We’re supposed to be friends, but every time we do this I end up thinking about you and then I want you and I don’t wanna want you like that cause you’re my friend, (Y/N), and we’re supposed to just…” He waved a hand helplessly, trailing off into nothing.

“Do you want me to shut you down?” you asked after a pause. How the hell were you supposed to respond to that? Minho wasn’t one for big sappy speeches, he dropped casual little bombs into everyday conversation, or let you pick up on things yourself. He didn’t pour it all out like that.

He laughed, a bitter huff of breath that still smelled like Gally’s moonshine, gesturing at your thighs either side of his hips, your hands knotted in his shirt. “Do you wanna shut me down? Cause you’re not doing a great job.”

You bit your lip. You could feel the heat of his kiss like it was still happening, and God you wanted it to still be happening. You couldn’t stop now, couldn’t just say “no, I don’t want you,” and go back to your business, least of all because it’d be a fat bloody lie.

“I’m not gonna shut you down,” you said eventually. “I’m gonna give you till ‘three’ to shut me down, and then I’m gonna go right back to kissing you. Got it? One, two—”

His lips collided with yours, so hard and fast you couldn’t stop the moan from escaping you. It was a mess of tongue and teeth and lips as he pulled you even closer, his fingers digging into your waist almost painfully. Almost.

“Jesus, Minho,” you panted between kisses. How long had he wanted to do this for? Was it just when he was drunk, or did he think about you while he was eating lunch beside you, while you two were doing your various jobs, when he was sleeping. Maybe he did, you’d sure felt the evidence that he was thinking about someone some mornings when you woke up wrapped in his arms, and you were right there… If it had been anyone else the idea would have made you feel gross, somehow violated, but right now it just turned you on.

“Say it,” he murmured, his kisses moving away from your lips and down your jaw to your neck.

“Say what?”

“Say you want me.”

Again, you couldn’t stop the moan from escaping you. You were sure gonna have a hickey in the morning, but he felt good and he wanted you to tell him you wanted him… “I want you,” you whispered.

“Again.”

“I want you,” you repeated. “I want you to—” You broke off in a sigh as the hand that had been running over your thigh found your ass and squeezed.

“Want me to what?” he asked, still paying attention to your neck.

“I want you to touch me.”

He paused, and for a moment you thought you’d overstepped. Then he tilted his chin up to look at you, and smiled. He took the hem of your shirt between his fingers, not touching your skin, but close enough that you still got butterflies.

“Can I take this off?” he asked, then at your nod, pulled it swiftly over your head. “God, you’re hot,” he whispered, bending to pepper your chest with more kisses along the line of your bra.

“Gonna make me blush,” you laughed, but the joke was lost between the breathiness of your voice and the fact that you were, in fact, blushing. It wasn’t that he – or anyone else – had never paid you a compliment, but when he said it here, like that… well, your drenched panties could speak to its effect.

Minho’s hands were at the waistband of your pants now, and sweet Jesus you wanted him to just hurry up and touch you. You nodded frantically as he met your eyes in a question, and without further hesitation he slipped his fingers into your pants.

“You weren’t lying, huh?” he grinned. “You want me.”

“I want you to stop being such a tease,” you muttered.

He grinned wider. “Sure thing,” he said, his fingers brushing over your clit. You sucked a harsh breath through your teeth, your hips twitching involuntarily.

“There,” you gasped, “right there.”

“Here?” Minho raised an eyebrow, his fingers circling the sensitive bundle of nerves again.

“Fuck you,” you half laughed, half panted, only to be cut off in another moan as he moved his hand, sliding the tips of his fingers around your hole, his palm pressing against your clit. You briefly wondered if he was doing it deliberately and if so where he’d learnt it, but who really cared when it felt so damn good?

“Please?” he whispered, watching your face carefully.

“Yeah, yeah whatever just— please.” The word was torn from you in a way that definitely made Minho blush, even as he smiled, when he pushed his finger into you. The heel of his hand was still pressing on your clit, and you ground down on it in a desperate search for friction as he added another finger, your fingers digging into his shoulders and your breath coming in short gasps.

“Like that?” he asked, as if your reaction wasn’t enough to tell him.

“How the fuck are you so good at this?” you asked. It was ridiculous, unfair. There really hadn’t been anything to learn from in the Maze, and this was the first time either of you had done this with anyone – that you could remember.

He frowned for a second, but (mercifully) didn’t stop. “I dunno. Am I really that good?”

It was your turn to grin. “Yeah,” you said simply. Then he moved his hand again and all you could think was fuck, because he was that good. He was kissing your neck again, sucking at the spot where it met your shoulder, his other hand resting on your hip. He guided your movements as you rocked against him, his own soft moans mixing with yours.

You could feel the hard, tight coil building in your stomach, your thighs and stomach already twitching as Minho’s fingers curled inside you. It was the straw that broke the camel’s back, the little movement sending shockwaves of pleasure down to your toes, making your whole body spasm.

“Fuck, Minho,” you said as you came down from your high, still trembling. He’d stopped moving, his warm palm cupping your sensitive pussy gently. He was being really gentle with you, you reflected. It wasn’t that he was rough any other time, it was just not what you’d expected. It was nice.

“You alright?” he asked.

“Better than alright,” you whispered. “That was… really good.” You glanced down at his hand, now withdrawing from your pants covered in your wetness. Your gaze flicked up slightly to the now very noticeable bulge in his own pants, and you felt a bolt of heat go through you once more. “Can I…?” you trailed off, your fingers resting lightly just beside his zipper.

He raised an eyebrow. “Do you want to?”

“Yeah.” You nodded, already beginning to undo his belt buckle. “God, yeah.”

Minho’s eyes stayed on your face as you slid backwards off his lap, settling on your knees between his legs. You were careful and precise as you pulled his pants down, then his underwear. He was hard, you’d guessed that much, and it wasn’t that you’d never seen a dick before, but something about Minho’s dick made you hesitate. You weren’t really sure how this was supposed to go, and only knew that you wanted to touch him, and you wanted to make him feel as amazing as he’d made you feel just minutes before.

“Do I use my mouth?” you asked, then blushed. “Sorry, dumb question. Want me to use my mouth?”

“As long as you don’t bite me,” he joked.

You shrugged. “I’ll try,” you said, smiling up at him before taking his cock between your hands and lowering your head, placing a gentle kiss on the tip. You checked again, and at his nod, opened your mouth and slid as much of him as would fit into it. He cursed, his hand flying to your hair and his fingers tangling in it.

“You alright?” you asked, drawing back.

“Yeah,” he murmured. “Don’t stop.”

You nodded, going down on him again. You were mindful of your teeth, instead using mostly your tongue and your hands where your mouth wouldn’t fit. You didn’t want to choke on him or, God forbid, make yourself sick on his dick. But the movements were easy, and Minho was guiding you. You let a moan escape you, which in turn made his hips jolt. You hummed again, and his hold on your hair tightened.

“God, you’re so good,” he whispered. “You look so good.”

That really made you moan, an embarrassingly desperate sound to accompany the embarrassingly desperate way your thighs rubbed together in search of any friction. This boy was driving you insane, and you were completely helpless.

You didn’t stop your increasingly messy sucking and licking, completely enraptured by the little breaths and gasps your attention was conjuring from Minho, revelling in his hand in your hair and the occasional curses or words of praise he let slip. You probably could have stayed there forever, listening to him forever, feeling his hot weight in your mouth forever, if he hadn’t brought his hand to your face and gently eased you off him. He surveyed your face carefully, running his thumb across your reddened and swollen lips.

“Hm?” you asked, tilting your head to the side. Were you doing something wrong? Did he want something else?

“If you kept that up I wouldn’t get to fuck like I want to,” he said softly.

Now it was your turn to be the teasing one. “And how’s that?” you asked, delicately licking your lips.

“On the couch, on your back, without your clothes.”

“Do I get a say in it?” you joked.

“Oh shit, sorry,” he said quickly. “If you don’t want to we don’t have to, it’s fine–”

“I was joking,” you cut him off, your cheeks flaming. “I want you to do whatever you damn well want to me.”

“Oh,” he said, his face equally as pink as your own. “Ok then.” Then he frowned. “We don’t have a condom.”

You cursed, rising from your kneeling position to glance around the shelves. It was a storage shed, right? Surely there’d have to be a first aid box somewhere. You spotted it next to a tub labelled “fire”, quickly crossing the room and rifling through it until you found what you were looking for. The packet was sealed, and while you didn’t exactly keep track of time how people used to, you had a feeling it was a bit past the expiry date. Still, semi-expired condom was better than no condom.

You threw it to Minho with a “catch!” before returning to your place next to the couch, reaching behind you to your bra clip. “If I take my clothes off will you take yours off?”

“It’s gonna be a bit hard to make this work through clothes.” He rolled his eyes, spinning the packaged condom between his fingers as he pulled his shirt over his head and quickly kicked off his pants. You gave yourself a moment just to look at him, to take in the perfectly formed muscles moving so smoothly under his smooth golden skin. The odd scar from various exploits did nothing to detract from how fucking gorgeous he was. Now you knew what people meant when they said someone had the body of a God, because that was the image Minho evoked in your mind.

“You’re so…” You trailed off, unsure how to say it without sounding corny. Then you shrugged. Who cared if it was corny when it was true? “You’re beautiful.”

Minho didn’t quite seem to know how to respond to that, he just laughed and ran a hand through his hair in a way that if you didn’t know better, you would have said was almost bashful. “So are you,” he said, meeting your eyes earnestly. Then he grinned, patting the couch next to him. “Come on, just get up here.”

“Ok,” you smiled. You stripped yourself of your remaining clothing, casting it carelessly aside and sliding down next to him. You nodded at the condom. “Do you know how to do that?”

He frowned. “Yeah.” He tore it open and put it on with a few fumbles and awkward joking (both from you and him), then looked at you and smiled as if to say “see? I got this, I know what I’m doing.”

“Good?” you asked, returning his smile.

“Good.” He kissed you again, holding your face gently in his warm hands. You grabbed his wrists, moving those hands down your jaw, your neck, your chest to rest on your breasts. He gave an experimental squeeze, and you hummed against his lips. Yes, that was good, that felt good.

You moved your own hands to his shoulders, pulling him with you as you tipped backwards to lie on your back, wrapping your legs around his waist. It took you a moment to get yourselves figured out and comfortable, but you finally settled with his hips slotted between your thighs, his arms propping him just above you. You could feel his hardness pressed against your still dripping centre, and you pulled him even closer, rocking your hips gently.

“(Y/N),” he whispered, his breath warm on your skin.

“Are you gonna fuck me?” you asked, still holding him close against you.

“I sure plan on it,” he grinned. He reached between your bodies to his dick, carefully lining it up at your entrance. He looked to you for permission, and at your nod, softly slid inside you. You both gasped at the feeling, the stretch and the warmth of it. It was like he was made for you, the way he fit.

“Fuck,” you whispered, your fingers digging into the muscle of his shoulder.

“Alright?” he asked, and you nodded.

“Move,” you practically pleaded. He did, slow and steady as you got used to each other. Everything he did seemed to be so smooth, you reflected. Every little movement he made – whether it was walking, throwing you a roll of bread at dinner, and yes, fucking you – was so precise and even, perfect down to the last atom. It was the same easy grace that made him such an amazing runner, such an amazing athlete in general. Maybe in another life he could have even been a dancer.

“You feel so good,” he murmured, bending his head to deliver more sloppy, open mouthed kisses to your neck and chest. Yep, you were gonna have hickeys when he was done.

“You feel good,” you replied. Your breath was coming short, a light sheen of sweat gathering over your skin even though you weren’t the one doing all the work. You reached down, running a finger in tiny circles over your clit.

“I wanna hear you,” he said. “Stop tryna be quiet, we’re far enough away.”

“Shit, ok,” you replied. Something about his words really got to you, sending a bolt of heat shivering down your entire body. He was so unintentionally good at it – talking – it was obscene. Your own hand combined with the steady thrusting of his dick was almost too much, not to mention you were still sensitive from cumming on his hand earlier. You weren’t going to last long, and judging by Minho’s shuddering breaths and muttered curses, your name sprinkled throughout, neither was he.

“Fuck, (Y/N), oh my God,” he moaned, his hands balled into fists in the couch’s worn out fabric.

“I’m gonna cum,” you gasped as you felt the tightness coiling inside you, more, more, more– “Holy fuck, I’m gonna–” You released with a frantic cry of his name, your spine arching and your legs locking around his hips. You felt yourself contract around his dick, the stuttering of his strokes as he too reached his climax.

He slowed eventually, coming to a stop as the tremors receded from your body and your brain returned to your head. You were spent, content to lie there with his warm, comforting weight on top of you until the world stopped turning.

But alas, he pulled out of you after a minute and took off the condom, tying a neat knot in the end and placing it beside a screwed up piece of newspaper that had held the pieces of dried potato – Frypan’s miserable attempt at making chips – that you’d brought with you when you’d come up here hours ago. You’d hide it in the bin later.

He sat on the edge of the couch, hands folded neatly, elbows resting on his knees. He looked just as beautiful as ever, you thought, though slightly less sure of himself than usual. You supposed this was new, and neither of you really knew what you were supposed to do. But you wanted to touch him again, wanted to feel his skin on yours and hold him close.

“Are you just gonna lie there and stare at me?” he asked, raising an eyebrow. You were jerked back to the present moment, realising that maybe you had been staring. But it didn’t matter, if you got an opportunity you were going to take it.

“Maybe,” you replied, a smile playing about your lips. “Maybe I’m waiting for you to lie down with me.”

“It’s a small couch.”

“We’ve slept on it before, it works fine. Will you just…” You trailed off, exasperated by how needy the words sounded in your head. “Come here and hold me, hug me or something, just lie down beside me” was what you wanted to say. You wanted to grab him and pull him down next to you and wrap yourself around him like some kind of demented python. “Come here,” you said instead.

Minho only hesitated a moment longer, then smiled and slid onto the decaying cushions beside you, pulling the blanket – or rather, the three badly stitched together blankets that served as a quilt for you when it was cold – over you both. He wrapped his arms around you, his chest warm against your back.

“I wasn’t sure if you wanted this,” he murmured.

You ran your hand down his arm, lacing your fingers with his own. “Did you?”

He nodded. “I’d be pretty happy to just stay here forever,” he said.

You laughed. “Maybe not forever…”

“Nah, forever.”

You bent your head, pressing a light kiss to his hand where it rested over your heart. “Ok, forever.” There were worse ways to cope with what you’d both been through, and if sleeping with Minho on the world’s shittiest couch was on the menu, that’d be what you’d choose.

#Maze Runner #the maze runner #minho maze runner #maze runner fanfiction #fanfiction #fanfic #reader insert #fem!reader #minho x reader #tmr #tmr fanfiction #tmr fic #smut #maze runner smut

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damn-behzinga · 4 years

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Damn-Behzinga’s Masterlist

angst - 🌧️

fluff - ☀️

favourite - 👑

⚡ The Eboys ⚡

Will Lenney (Willne)

The Veteran - The reader surprises Will at a panel after fighting in another country for a year. (X Reader) ☀️

Kissing In The Rain - Will’s friends meet his girlfriend for the first time but the couple is to busy having an argument. (X Reader) ☀️

Pancakes, Anyone? - You make breakfast for everyone after a night out and Will realises how much he loves you. (X Reader) ☀️

Nail Polish - You and Will have a pamper night (X Reader) 👑☀️

Moving In - Will and Gee get a new neighbour and Will happens to find her very cute. (X Reader) ☀️

Get Better - Will helps you through a bad day of depression. (X Reader)🌧️

A Little Bit More - Will and Reader recite their vows at their wedding. (X Reader)☀️

Tough Guy - Will and Reader are complete opposites but somehow have a strong bond. (X Reader)☀️

Will’s Friend Otis - Will gets a dog to help with some problems he’s having, Will can’t find his confidence to talk to his friends. (Centric) 👑🌧️

Toxic - Part Two of WFO, a look through social media as Will deals with his mental health 🌧️

Hometown - Part Three of WFO, Will goes home to take care of himself but re-lives the worst memories possible 🌧️

Will Comes Home - Part Four of WFO, Will comes home and tries to do a Livestream. Stephen doesn’t let it happen for obvious reasons. 🌧️

Taking A Leap - You are scared of love, Will isn’t (X Reader) 🌧️

Deserving - You get fired from your job and Will comforts you (X Reader)🌧️☀️

Alex Elmslie (ImAllexx)

First Kiss - You have your first kiss with Alex after he lists the things he loves about you. (X Reader ☀️)

Hurt Me Once - Alex knows what his partner has been getting up to (X Reader)

James Marriott

Enough - Reader is content with the relationship they have with James, they decide to go public. (X Reader) 👑☀️

You Walked In And My Heart Went Boom - Reader and James have a heart to heart at 3am (X Reader)☀️

Grow As We Go - Reader thinks they need to break up with James in order to figure themselves out. Part of the Ben Platt Writing Challenge (X Reader)🌧️☀️

George (Memeulous)

Protective - George gets protective when Reader gets assaulted, he decides to do something about it. (X Reader) 🌧️☀️

Temporary Love - George doesn’t want this to be a one-time thing… Part of the Ben Platt Writing Challenge (X Reader) 👑🌧️☀️

✨ SIDEMEN ✨

Ethan Payne (Behzinga)

Baby Behzinga Meets Her Uncles - The Sidemen meet your month old daughter (X Reader) 👑☀️

“Dad, Can’t you hear me?” - Ethan opens up about his dad, the sidemen don’t realise how truly scary it is. (Centric)🌧️

Hush Hush - You are JJ’s best friend, he warned his friends not to date you, Ethan doesn’t listen. (X Reader)☀️🌧️

After Meeting A Little Early - You and Ethan have a son at the age of seventeen. the sidemen love him to pieces. (X Reader)☀️

Happy Hours - Ethan talks about you and your son on the Happy Hour podcast. Part 2 of AMALE (X Reader)☀️

Hooked - after a little too much drinking after JJ V Logan Paul, you and Ethan hook up (X Reader) ☀️

Doubt - Ethan has his doubts about being a father but you easily soothe him. (X Reader) 🌧️☀️

Top - Ethan sees you wearing his top and he decides to tell you something. (X Reader) ☀️

Losing The War Against Himself - Ethan is losing the war against his depression but other soldiers are going to fight beside him and help him win. (Cenric) 🌧️

Falling On The Battle Field - Ethan tries to take his own life, the sidemen try to cope (Centric) Part Two of LTWAH 🌧️

I Can’t Wait For Forever - The Sidemen film your’s and Ethan’s weddings, here are the fan favourite bits (X Reader)☀️

Secrets Always Come To Surface - Ethan’s secret gets revealed when someone appears out of the blue. (Centric)🌧️

Together In Isolation - Ethan loves to spend time with you in quarantine (X Reader)☀️

A Painful Memory - The Sidemen Roast is all fun and games until someone jokes about Ethan’s friend who passed away. (X Reader)🌧️

Fitting In - Ethan introduces you to his friends, you get a bit insecure because you’re a bit bigger then other girls (X Reader) 🌧️☀️

To Be Free Again - Ethan gets into a car accident and has to learn to walk again. There are moments where he wanted to give up but he quickly had his friends help him feel better again. These are some of those moments. (centric)🌧️

Dumb Ass Love - If Ethan had to chose between men being horrid to you or a bloody nose, he would chose the latter. (X Reader) ☀️

Unclear - Ethan’s addicted to heroin, the boys have to find a way to help him (Centric)🌧️

Best Couple On YouTube - You and Ethan take part in Simon’s Best Couple On YouTube series. (X Reader) ☀️

Unconventional Family - Ethan meets his half sister for the first time and he decides she should meet his family, the sidemen.(OC & Ethan Centric)☀️

Heart Pains - Ethan has a lot of things that he wanted to do before he hit thirty, having a heart attack and almost dying was not one of them. (Centric) 🌧

Harry Lewis (Wroetoshaw)

Tranquil - You and Harry are soft when others aren’t around. (X Reader)☀️

livestream - harry watches your livestream and realises you’re not okay (X Reader)🌧️☀️

What He Thinks - Not What He Is - Harry finished filming with the weight gained video and he feels terrible about himself so you have to teach him otherwise (X Reader)🌧️☀️

Moment To Moment - This is Harry��s story of his relationship with an abusive woman. (Centric) 👑🌧️

Flustered - Harry gets flustered when a pretty girl comes in for a speed dating video (X Reader)☀️

Medication - Harry suffers from bipolar disorder and has medication, it’s awkward when his friends find out. (Centric)🌧️

Surprise - Harry thinks the biggest surprise of the day was the boys forgetting his birthday, little does he know. (Centric)🌧️☀️

Waltzing - You teach the Sidemen to waltz, Harry gets partnered up with you (X Reader)☀️

Date Night In Isolation - The activities you and Harry get up to in quarantine. (X Reader)☀️

Unexpected But Adorable - You and Harry are famous Youtubers, no one expects your relationship (X Reader)☀️

Nightmares - You have vivid nightmares, thankfully, Harry knows what to do. (X Reader) 🌧️☀️

Cuddle Time - Harry wants to cuddle, the boys happily oblige. (Centric) ☀️

Taken Over - Harry has a seizure after a shoot, the guys help him. (Centric) 🌧️

JJ Olatunji (KSI)

Helpless - You perform your first show as Eliza Schylur for the music Hamilton and JJ supports you. (X Reader) ☀️

Jealous, Babe? - You watch Jaackmaate, JJ is jealous (X Reader) ☀️

Caring - JJ takes care of you whilst your sick (X Reader) ☀️

Not To Blame - You go to a party with all your friends, the night takes a twisted turn and JJ tries to understand it. (X Reader/platonic or romantic) 🌧️

Josh Bradley (Zerkaa)

Not Your Anxiety - The Sidemen don’t know how to handle Josh’s panic attack, luckily Freya is the best. (centric) 🌧️

Hard Worker Shouldn’t Over Work - Josh tends to overwork himself but luckily has amazing friends surrounding him. (centric)🌧️☀️

Mine - You love Josh. Josh loves you. If only love were that simple. (X Reader) 🌧

Vik Barn (Vikkstar123)

Not Just Banter - Sometimes, Sidemen banter goes too far and Vik needs comforting (X Reader) 🌧️☀️

Meeting On Minecraft - You and Vik met online playing Minecraft and now you meet in real life (X Reader) ☀️

Tobi Brown (tbjzl)

Small Comments - You and Tobi promised each other that you wouldn’t go public, so why was the comment left in the video? (X Reader) 🌧️☀️

Falling - You and Tobi were on the lowdown, but what is he doing with that other girl? (X Reader)🌧️

Simon Minter (Miniminter)

Antics - You and Simon have a fun night out and have to get your drunken selves home (X Reader) ☀️

Simon In The Bathroom - Simon gets ditched by his one friend at a party, now he’s alone in the bathroom (Centic) 🌧️

THE GROUP

Acceptance - You come out to the sidemen as a bisexual (Sidemen & Non-specified reader)

🔥 + FRIENDS 🔥

Stephen Lawson (StephenTries)

Brother’s Best Friend - You are Will’s twin sister and Stephen might be developing an itsy bitsy, small crush on you. (X Reader) ☀️

Callum McGinley (Callux)

The Most Confident - Cal meets Harry’s old school friend, he likes her immediately but is she too cool for him? (X Reader) 🌧️☀️

Talia Mar

Strawberries + Cigarettes- Talia reveals her relationship with the reader through her music video for her song Strawberries + Cigarettes (X Reader) ☀️

428 notes · View notes

cafedanslanuit · 4 years

Text

Legend

♡ — personal favourites

☆ — fan favourites

♠ — nsfw

♫ — includes songs

Headcanons

RFA + Saeran - Dirty Dancing ♫ ♡

RFA + Saeran - MC wants to have her own business

RFA - MC is ten years older than them ♡

RFA - What goes through their mind when they’re cuddling? ☆

RFA + Vanderwood - Having a rebellious kid ♡

RFA - MC can’t sleep unless with them

RFA - A bubbly MC makes self-deprecating jokes as a coping mechanism ♡

RFA - MC that is bubbly, confident and never afraid to stand up for someone

Yoosung dragging MC back to bed because it’s raining

RFA + V - MC blasts music when she’s upset ♫

RFA + V + Saeran - MC with a passion for anime and drawing

RFA + V + Saeran - MC with a major in fashion

RFA + Saeran - Quarantine edition ♡

RFA + V + Saeran + Obey Me! brothers on a trip to the beach ♡ ☆

RFA - MC with a hand fetish

MC has Jumin trying commoner food

Zen + Jumin + Saeyoung - MC is selfconscious about being chubby and they make her feel better ♠ ♡

Jumin comforts MC about a guy who is texting her constantly and making her upset

RFA reacts to a MC that is called Elizabeth

RFA + V + Saeran - As Les Misérables songs ♫ ♡

Saeyoung messes with Yoosung’s phone to help him out

Saeyoung x MC - MC makes her own music

Latina!MC and Jumin get stuck with MC’s latino parents during quarantine ♡

RFA + Saeran - MC gets her wisdom teeth out ♡ ☆

RFA + V + Saeran - MC has a bad coping mechanism of punching her thighs (tw!)

Domestic Texts Series: Zen & MC || Saeran & MC ♡

RFA - MC is obsessed with Elizabeth the 3rd

RFA + V + Saeran with a MC that likes going to protests

RFA - MC grew up in really bad poverty

RFA + V + Saeran - They find out MC is only eighteen after everything that happened during their routes ☆

RFA - How do they calm MC when she’s anxious?

RFA - MC has dyslexia

RFA - MC with chronic pain

Royal AUs with Jumin, Zen and Yoosung

Love Language Event with Yoosung, Zen, Jumin, Saeyoung, Saeran and V

Happy New Year Event with Saeyoung, Saeran, Zen, V and Yoosung

Thirst Asks [+18]

[All Asks]

[Jumin] [Jihyun] [Yoosung]

Fanfiction

Mystic Messenger as failed love stories ♡

reminiscing about the characters and your failed love stories in an alternate universe

You get me ♡

What happens when you’ve finally found your prince charming, but he doesn’t seem to fit in your life anymore?

Bet you can’t leave me

Mystic Messenger Week 2020. “The first time she threatened to leave me, I felt like I was dying.”

Who are you?

Drabble prompt - Zen always sought recognition for his work. Lately, he’s been using other resource to achieve his goals.

Dance with me

Latina!MC tries to teach Zen to dance bachata.

Jealousy [Kinktober 2020 - Day 2] ♠

When Zen agreed to be MC's plus one at a fancy party, he never expected she would lock them both inside a bathroom in a fit of jealousy. The hunger in her eyes could only indicate she was about to remind him who he was with.

A plan gone wrong [Mysme Angst Week - Day 1]

You convinced Zen to stage a fake coffee date in order to give Jumin, your fiancé, a wake up call about how much he had been ignoring you lately. However, things don't go as planned.

i could buy you anything but i cannot buy you ♠ ♡

[kinktober 2021 - day fifteen: body worship] Zen had always had the need to be in control for a lot of years. (...) His guard may not be up as much as it did back then, but to this day Zen still takes a second look at any situation he’s in. He can’t let anything drive him away from his acting career so he always has to give his best and not take anything for granted.

You get me ♡

What happens when you’ve finally found your prince charming, but he doesn’t seem to fit in your life anymore?

I always wanted to marry rich

Jumin Han stood with his hand holding the doorknob, not believing what he had just heard. There was no way this was happening. Not days before his wedding. Not only that, days before he married who he thought was the love of his life. The one who he thought he could trust, the one that didn’t ask for anything but his love and attention.

Home

You are staying at Jaehee’s after Jumin did something that made you really angry. While staying there, you start feeling sick and end up at the hospital. What you first thought was nothing to worry about, quickly turns into a nightmare that could change your relationship.

Sweet Creature ♫ ♡

Jumin gets stuck in another country away from his wife due to the pandemic. He’s been having trouble falling asleep, so MC decides to tell him a bedtime story. A simple request ends up making Jumin open up about a small insecurity he had over his wife and his best friend.

If I could tell him ♫

Request: “can i request a jumin fic where MC has a crush on jumin but is very shy and so ends up talking with the other members more and then jumin confronts her about it and she accidentally confesses/he confesses.”

Animal I Have Become ♫

500 followers event. “So what if you can see the darkest side of me? No one will ever change this animal I have become. Help me believe it’s not the real me.”

Young God ♫ ♠

500 followers event. “He says: “Oh, baby girl, don’t get cut on my edges. I’m the king of everything, you know my tongue is a weapon. There’s a line on the clock that’s separating your thighs, if you wanna go to Heaven you should fuck me tonight.”

Crowded Room ♫ ♡ ☆

500 followers event. “Baby, it’s just me and you, just us two, even in a crowded room, baby it’s just me and you” - [SMAU Epilogue]

Dear Jumin ♡ ☆

What if after all the events that happened during Jumin’s route, he didn’t fall in love with MC?

A new life

When MC gets into a car accident, Jumin ends up with her medical records. He never thought he would find out about what happened to his wife six years ago.

You see me in my room, wish you were here right now [Kinktober 2020 - Day 12] ♠ ☆

Jumin Han clicks on a pop-up ad and gets stuck into a cam girl website. As he waits for someone to come to his penthouse and fix his laptop, he can't help but notice a young woman giggling as she read through he comment section. From that moment on, he's hooked. And he can't wait to see more of her.

Sometimes I think about Elizabeth [Mysme Angst Week - Day 3]

Jumin tries to deal with the grief of losing Elizabeth the 3rd.

A late night conversation

A late night conversation with Jumin takes another turn into a much better scenario. [Fix-it fic for Jumin's DLC. Set on Episode 3]

Seven Minutes in Heaven - Holidays Edition ♠

You’re home for the holidays and your friends invite you to a party. After a couple of drinks, one of them proposes playing seven minutes in heaven and makes everyone at the party leave an item of theirs in a small basket. When it’s finally your turn, you walk over and inspect the items before choosing the one that will decide your fate for the night.

A day off

For @/mysme-rbb event! You convince Jumin to take a small trip to the theme park. Taking into consideration it was the first time either of you had stepped foot in a place like that, it went exactly like expected.

you know i’m just a flight away (if you wanted you could take a private plane) ♠ ♡ ☆

[kinktober 2021 - day five: sex tape] Knowing Jumin is about to leave on yet another work trip, you suggest recording something for him to see while away. A little souvenir so he doesn't miss you too much- but now he's not sure he wants to leave at all.

Superstar ♫

500 followers event. “Before I met you, I pushed them all away / Soon as I kissed you, I wanted you to stay.”

What you always wanted

Mystic Messenger Week 2020. As MC’s anniversary with Saeyoung is approaching, she asks her friends of the RFA for advice on what present is the best one. After several recommendations, she decides on what she should give him. Her only hope is that he’ll be happy with her choice.

The Ghost Of You ♡ [ Vietnamese translation ]

A love story between a man with a mysterious job and a nurse during the Second World War. “And all the things that you never ever told me and all the smiles that are ever gonna haunt me. Never coming home, never coming home.”

Loving You ☆

Drabble Prompt. “I am profoundly enchanted by the flowing complexity in you.” - John Keats

Discoveries [Kinktober 2020 - Day 27] ♠

After you find a transparent light blue dildo hidden in Saeyoung's room, the question hangs in the air. Why not trying it out together?

Lost on you [Mysme Angst Week - Day 2]

A discussion about how to handle Saeran's recovery turns into the worst fight Saeyoung and MC have ever had. Both of them bring back past memories that should have never been talked about, in a desperate try to prove their point, not noticing how much they're tearing their relationship apart.

Just like him [Mysme Angst Week - Day 7]

No one teaches you how to grief. Sometimes you just do whatever it helps the pain go away.

give me the stars

For @/gureishi’s event. A small piece to celebrate Saeyoung’s birthday. A late-night escapade for two young lovers.

Wildest Dreams ♫ ♡

500 followers event. Slightly NSFW. “He says no one has to know what we do, his hands are in my hair, his clothes are in my room.”

Seven Minutes in Heaven - Holidays Edition ♠

Beautiful ♡

Jihyun has a couple of burn scars on his torso after the fire that took his mother’s life. You make sure you know he loves every part of him.

Wait for me

When the pandemic starts, MC gets stuck in another country, away from Saeran who was just starting his recovery. She tries to work a system with him so they can feel close even when they’re kilometres apart.

How ♫

500 followers event. “I’m asking for your help, I am going through hell, afraid nothing can save me but the sound of your voice.”

Vanilla ♠ ♡ ☆

NSFW. Saeran’s favourite place was between MC’s legs.

Apricity

Drabble Prompt. He never understood the reason behind this change (...). All he knew was that when winter came, he would start feeling tired out of nowhere and he would lose his appetite.

Gardening

Drabble Prompt. In which Saeyoung and MC break one of Saeran’s pot and they try to cover it up before he gets home.

All I’ve Ever Known ♡ ☆

Drabble Prompt. Saeran has some doubts before his wedding. Thankfully, you’re there to send all his worries away.

Not to be able to love

Drabble Prompt. He wants to love her, he does. But when you’ve been through that much, it gets hard to love and not need.

Four Seasons (15 chapters) ♠ ♡

Saeran’s After Ending. Saeran has finally found MC and is ectasic to finally be able to enjoy the good ending his tumultous life has reached. But with Saeyoung still missing and Mint Eye around, his happiness may have to wait a little more. Was love really capable to win against his inner demons or will he have to learn to fight for himself?

In another life [Mysme Angst Week - Day 4]

When MC knows her time is coming, she promises Saeran she will do whatever it takes to find him in another life. The only mistake was that she didn't expect to find him like that.

Our time

Saeran is saying his goodbyes but this time, you decide not to let him go. || Fix-it fic for Saeran's After Ending

even in the dark

For @/gureishi’s event. A small piece to celebrate Saeran’s birthday. Some days are better than others. But the people who love us stay through it all.

757 notes · View notes

amethystpath-writes · 3 years

Text

Times To Remember Me By:

"Villain, no. You're not"- Hero sniffled, clutching Villain's bloodied hand- "you're not going to die. You hear me? You're not going to die."

He laughed. If Villain could have squeezed Hero's hand, he would have. "We're all bound to die at some point. Guess the devil just couldn't wait to meet me."

"This isn't- you shouldn't be joking about this."

"You're angry with me for the coping method I use for my dying state?"

Hero let go of his hand. Maybe she shouldn't have been mad. Villain was the one with a puncture wound. Villain was the one bleeding out. If he wanted to crack jokes, then it should have been okay. But it wasn't. Because he couldn't die. Because he wasn't allowed to die- not according to Hero.

"I'm not angry at you. I'm angry at-"

"-the situation. Haven't heard that one before." Villain sighed, which prompted a series of uncontrolled coughs. Hero helped him sit up.

Humming- although it sounded more like a groan- Villain said, "Times to remember me by."

Hero squinted. "What?"

"Give me some. Some times to remember me by. Give me a eulogy."

"Villain, you're not-"

"I am going to die," he snapped. "Stop pretending I'm not because you're making it harder for both of us." There was a short pause. "Do you think I want to die, Hero?"

Hero remained silent, swallowing and holding Villain's hand again.

"I don't." A tear streamed down his face. "I don't," he whispered again. "So tell me something you'll remember about me- something good. Something good for both our sakes."

Clearing her throat, Hero said, "Your eyes."

This made Villain's lips quirk up. "My eyes, you say? I didn't realize you fancied them."

"They're haunting."

Yet another chuckle bubbled from Villain. "I'm not sure that's a compliment, Hero."

"It is," she insisted. "I can see the whole world in them." She watched them now, as they stared into the smoky sky. It would begin raining any moment now. "I can't see what you're thinking exactly, but I can see how you feel."

"And how do I feel?" Villain's voice was quietening. He was speaking slower.

A tear sprung in Hero's eye. She swiped it away with a free hand. "Hopeful."

"You sure that's not just how you feel?" His eyes glanced down, but Hero whispered a small, 'Don't.' If he looked at the wound, all hope would be lost to him- and there was so little of it now.

"You said it yourself. You don't want to die, and as long as you don't, you have hope."

"Tell me another good thing." Another tear slipped down his face.

Hero rubbed her thumb across the back of Villain's hand. "I'll remember the way you smile every time you win a teasing battle." She smiled fondly at him. "You have such an arrogant smile." Her chest jumped with a small giggle.

"Again, not sure that's a compliment." But he was smiling- just as arrogantly as usual.

"Your confidence. It never mattered how many insults I threw at you. You always threw them right back- stronger, even."

Villain's eyes met Hero's. "I never meant them- the insults. You know that, right?"

Nodding, Hero acknowledged him. "I didn't mean them either."

They stayed silent. Hero bit her tongue at the ever-increasing puddle of red. She stifled a few cries as she held onto Villain's hand.

"You mean what you're saying now, right?"

"Of course," she whispered, and gripped his hand a little bit more. "I mean all of it. And I can tell you more if-" if you stay awake, if you stay alive.

But his eyes were closed. Looking at his chest, Hero's eyes went wide. It wasn't moving.

No. No, no, no. Why wasn't Villain's chest moving?

Hero pressed her ear to the left side of his chest, waiting for a rhythmic beating. There was nothing. Not even the sound of an empty stomach made itself present.

"Villain."

No response. She shook his arm.

"Villain. Villain, come on. Just say something."

Nothing.

"Villain, please. Please say something. Tell me I'm horrible. For- for insulting you when I didn't mean it. Or- or for not- for not telling you how beautiful your eyes were before."

Hero listened to his chest again. There was no beat. "Villain..." Her voice cracked and her nose and eyes stung. "Please. Please don't do this."

"Smile at me one more time."

"Villain."

"Villain, you're not allowed to die."

She pounded a fist on the ground. She didn't care if her knuckles bled.

"You're not allowed dammit!"

The only answer were the too-late sirens.

#Dear Agony #listen to by Breaking Benjamin while reading this 👀#hero x villain #hero x villain story #not a prompt #oops I made myself cry again #sorryyyyyy #it's okay #there's some #fluff #mixed in with the #angst

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angelicamerlinbarnes · 3 years

Text

TUA DISNEY AUs: Big Hero 6 (Pt. XVIII)

(please understand that by AU, I mean they share an incredibly small amount of things in common with the original source material which I barely remember BUT the “story” takes place in the setting of the film) (not to be misleading or anything :p)

(BEWARE: abuse, murder, corruption, mental health issues, unhealthy coping mechanisms, suicidal ideation, death, grief, violence, basically i took the sad montage after Tadashi dies and just kept going with that except without the whole "getting better" thing, sorry, my bad, enjoy anyway i guess i don't know, bye, etc.)

(If you can handle watching Umbrella Academy, this will be fine for you.)

(Hiro) Vanya hasn’t much of a head for science - not since a gas explosion in her childhood apartment killed her parents and exposed her to radiation, leaving her brittle-boned and sickly. She spends most of her days holed up in her room, reading and writing about every little thing she sees and hears and feels. There’s this cat in the alleyway she feeds sometimes, and her friend Ben who comes by to see how she is every few days. The only time she goes out is for school, or bot fights down in the bad neighborhoods. At those she gets to see Ben, and his partner Klaus and his friend Diego. Oh, and Sissy - the beautiful, shy punk girl who spins the records in the corner store. Vanya lives what she considers a pretty average life - until Ben dies, she screams, and all the windows around her shatter from nothing.

(Tadashi) Ben has been a science nerd for years, spending hours in the libraries and labs researching every little thing that catches his fancy. His partner, Klaus, has no such interest, having more of a head for poetry, but Ben loves him more than life itself - especially since Klaus was the only person who stuck with him when one of his experiments went wrong a few years ago, resulting in tentacles that are prone to ripping out of his chest when he’s angry. And since he loves Klaus so much, he spares not a second thought to running back into a burning building to get him back, even when it means certain death. And Ben knows you can’t bring back the dead - he tried when Klaus’ beloved boyfriend Dave died in a gunfight a few years back. Once you’re gone, you’re gone - or so he thinks until he wakes up and Klaus starts crying and muttering, You’re here, you’re here, you’re here, I did it, I did it, I did it - and Ben reaches out and thinks, Oh, no, sweetheart. You didn’t.

(Honey Lemon) Allison was engaged to Ray before he disappeared, but even after that failed experiment lost her the love of her life, she continued to work for the forward movement of science and kept her vow of love to Ray. Using her research, she managed to create a pill that allowed her to bend reality, hoping to bring back Ray. Though she couldn’t raise the dead - no amount of I heard a rumor Ray was alive again worked - she won herself other advantages with her newfound powers, including sponsors, knowledge, opportunities, and protection. Klaus, Diego, Five, and Ben are her only true friends in this world - and she nearly loses all of them when Ben dies, drowning in their grief. When Luther, one of Five and Ben’s passion projects starts hanging around to monitor their mental health, Allison finds a new kind of love - deep, ever-lasting friendship that she’ll never give up. Even when they have to leave him behind on the moon after they save Ray, she doesn’t let him go - she finally knows how to speak up for what she wants, and speak up she does: I heard a rumor that Luther came back to me.

(Fred (actually a mash-up of Honey Lemon and Hiro though to be honest)) Klaus is a starving artist and poet, and he's covered in tattoos of his own words and drawings. Diego is too, because Diego loves him, and Klaus wants to love him back and probably does already, if he’s really honest with himself, but he’s not ready yet. Dave happened too soon ago. And then there was a fire, and Klaus was running around outside, looking for Ben, looking for the platonic love and light of his life, and he saw him run inside screaming Klaus’ name and never come back out. And he lives with that guilt every day, smoking and drinking all the bad shit again in an effort to just forget, forget, anything goddamn anything to forget, and he goes crazy. People forget, because he’s not a student at their nerd school and because he acts like a dumbass, that Klaus is actually just as much a genius as the rest of them, and whatever he wants, he can get without much trouble. So what if he can’t bring back the dead? He won’t live without Ben, he won’t, and he won’t leave Diego - which leaves only one option, really: find a way to make himself see ghosts.

(Wasabi) Diego lives a charmed life. Truly. He’s almost been assassinated fifteen fucking billion times, his two best friends are robots, and he’s in love with a person too sad to love him back. See, Diego’s skills brought him to the military’s special attention - he found a way to make weaponry that doesn’t obey the laws of physics. He keeps it as secret as he can, and will sell it to nobody, but millions of people are still after it. It’s not until one of the assassins almost nails Klaus with a bullet and Diego kills her with a store-bought kitchen knife without moving that he realizes the weaponry he created isn’t special, but Diego is. From then on it’s nothing but trouble - because Klaus likes to dumb himself down, but he can’t fool Diego, and so when he starts screaming at empty air and calling it Ben, Diego isn’t surprised in the least, though maybe he should be. Instead he just sighs, opens his arms, and lets a sobbing Klaus fall into him, loving him more than he did yesterday and less than he will tomorrow. Diego has his home, and he has his people, and he has his powers - and he will defend them to the fucking death.

(Gogo) Five is bitter and grumpy, living off coffee and perpetually crazy. He’s brilliant enough to have done surgery on himself, implanting an AI pacemaker in his heart named Dolores from an accident that nearly stripped him of everything, his life included. He was born with special powers, both of which fuelled his fascination with science, but he keeps that secret close to his chest - he’s seen what people do to Diego and Allison, and he has no interest in that. He’s close with the others, somewhat, though his impassable genius makes it difficult for people to understand him - Diego gives him piggy back rides and he often falls asleep curled into Klaus’ side, and Allison gives him rides home and Ben builds robots with him. But as hard as he finds it to connect with them, it’s even harder to lose them - so when he realizes he can use his time travel powers to save Ben, he doesn’t hesitate. And then he’s dying in Klaus’ arms, and he’s watching as his favorite person in the world chooses to lose the love of his life all over again to save Five, and something deep inside him changes.

(Baymax) Luther is a medical robot, built by Five and Ben in their spare time. There are some videos in him, mostly of Ben talking to Klaus because Luther was meant to be a gift for Klaus to help him with his depression, anxiety, PTSD, anorexia, and addiction, etc.. Five adds grief counseling to his programming and gives him to Klaus on his first birthday after Ben’s death, making Klaus dissolve into tears. While Luther clashes with Diego, who hates him for surviving where Lila didn’t, they get along well enough to appease Klaus, because Luther knows Klaus loves Diego and Diego knows Luther helps Klaus. When they travel to the moon to get Ray, Luther winds up stuck there, unable to get the others home if he doesn’t stay behind. Klaus and Allison both have trouble letting him go, but Klaus forces Allison to come home with him, crying as he leaves Ben for the third and final time. When Allison brings Luther back, his videos still intact, Klaus touches Ben’s face on his chest and cries, cries, cries.

Lila is a malfunctioning masterpiece, and Diego’s best friend. He made her as a help robot, but she’s a prototype, and was rejected for her proneness to violent outbursts and catatonic episodes. She’s easy to manipulate, as Diego never bothered to fix her security protocols, but it’s not like there’s anyone else who talks to her - except Five, and he’d never touch her programming without Diego’s explicit permission. She sleeps at Diego’s house, in her charging station next to Eudora’s. Lila knows robots can’t feel love, so that isn’t what she’s feeling - but her wires are tied to Eudora’s in some way, she just knows it. They’re two halves of the same code. But she never gets to explore that link - she burns away to nothing in the fire that destroys the Handler’s minions, using the last of her strength to save Five from the flames. She hopes, when Diego finds his baby brother curled in her charred corpse, that he’ll bury her in the rain, and keep on living without her well enough.

Eudora is a suicide-prevention robot. Seriously. That’s all she’s here for. Ben and Diego built her together for Klaus specifically, programming her with some of his favorite jokes and references so she’d have an easier time talking him down from the edge when one of them can’t be there. She’s programmed to instantly call Ben, Diego, Five, or Allison immediately if she finds him doing dangerous things, like playing with Diego’s knives naked. (It happened one time. Seriously. True story.) She’s calm and gentle, unruffled and kind, and Diego often spends hours talking to her, because she may be programmed for Klaus but she can still help anyone who needs it. He nearly looses her to Cha-Cha, but Klaus saves her just in time, beating Cha-Cha to a steaming hunk of scrap metal with a baseball bat for trying to hurt his best (robot) friend. She’s not saddened by Lila’s death, per say, she can’t be… but when she’s downloading databases on panic and anxiety attacks for Diego and Klaus, she makes sure to save some on insomnia for herself, too.

Sissy is a botfighter, one who dresses in a black and magenta punk aesthetic to fend off strangers, too shy for the world. She messes around with Vanya, the two of them often dancing in the rain and finding joy in the small moments, but happily ever after was never in the cards for them. Sissy lives with her abusive boyfriend Carl and has their son to take care of, an accident from too many beers - when Carl murders her in a drunken rage, it’s less of a surprise and more of a solemn inevitably. Her son, Harlan, is placed in Vanya’s care, and Vanya travels the world with him, telling him everything about his mother she knows. It’s a bittersweet ending, but a hopeful one too.

Ray was a student at the nerd school before he became a therapist, using his incredible mind-healing technology to help people all over the world. Allison fell in love with him quickly, easily, and the two were engaged before the year was up, planning for a spring wedding in which Klaus would, obviously, be the flower girl. But when he was offered the chance to go to space as a therapist for the other nine people on the mission, he jumped at the chance, bidding Allison goodbye and heading to the moon. But something went wrong and he was lost to the world, along with the other nine astronauts, all of whom died when the ship crash-landed. Ray has been in a coma for years there, having been knocked out in the explosion, and remains that way until Luther brings him home, Allison having come for him at last. (When he’s well enough to, he takes care of Five, Klaus, and Diego, whose mental states have been steadily declining for years. Their robots are brilliant, of course, but there are some things you just need a human for.)

Reginald is the dean of the nerd school and also an asshole. He has a habit of killing students when they get in his way, or to steal their inventions as his own - and he gets away with it too, because he’s at the forefront of memory technology and quite literally erases these people from existence so nobody comes asking questions. Plus he’s got connections in the government that destory any records he needs destroyed. He had a couple of kids he wanted to get rid of the night of the showcase, and started the fire to make it seem like an accident - well, Ben actually was an accident, he wasn’t on Reginald’s hitlist, not yet, but whatever. It is what it is. What Reginald doesn’t anticipate is Klaus - because nobody ever anticipates Klaus - and so he thinks nothing of it when he confesses to Ben’s murder in his monologue in front of all his former students. He can just erase their memories later. Or so he thinks, until Klaus lets out a savage war cry and lunges forward to strangle him, killing him in cold blood without a second thought, and so is the end of Reginald Hargreeves. (Five takes the fall for his murder - not that it matters. Diego and Klaus break him out and the three of them disappear, never to be seen again - at least, not until Allison’s done manipulating every single person in the world into forgetting it ever happened on live TV.)

The Handler is Reginald’s finest invention: a flawless AI in a perfect human body. Problem is, she became bored of being his servant years ago and took over his life, blackmailing him into doing whatever she wants. Most of the killings are still his idea, and Ben certainly wasn’t her fault, but it’s the Handler who wants Five dead, and it’s the Handler who sends her reject minions after him. She wants Eudora dead and she wants Klaus deader, but she gets neither - Five finds her and hacks her into little tiny pieces, putting all of them in a fire and then shoving those ashes into an Iron Maiden, dropping the Handler to an inescapable grave. Fuck her “life”.

Hazel is a teddy bear with a security camera in his stomach. He sits on Agnes’ counter in her donut shop, just watching the goings-on even though nobody ever steals anything there. Mostly he’s held in the lap of Five, who comes into Agnes’ whenever he doesn’t want his friends to see him cry - over a failed invention, Klaus’ most recent suicide attempt, Lila’s death - whatever, you name it. Agnes takes care of him, making him milkshakes when he asks for coffee, and eventually sends Hazel home with him, asking him to take care of Five for her. He doesn’t know it’ll be the last time he ever sees her - two weeks later Agnes is killed by Reginald and her donut shop is ransacked by looters. Her memory lives on in Hazel and Five, who rebuilds and reopens the shop with Klaus and Diego and Allison after a couple years, renaming it for Ben and living on despite his grief, and Hazel sits on the counter again, watching the sunset through the glowing windows.

Cha-Cha was supposed to be one of those “oh-hey-we’re-not-racist-anymore-we-make-black-dolls-too-see?” Barbies. She ended up with a rather experimental kid who enjoyed robotics and horror films, resulting in Cha-Cha: an AI in a Barbie with chainsaw arms. She kidnaps Klaus under the Handler’s orders, as he’s a connection to Five (who the Handler wants to kill) and Ben (who’s the only connection to Reginald and the Handler’s murders). This backfires spectacularly, of course, when Eudora and Diego come for him: Cha-Cha goes for Eudora’s throat and Klaus breaks himself free of his binds and beats her to smithereens with a baseball bat.

Leonard used to hang around Vanya, just generally assaulting her and being a creep, until suddenly he disappeared one rainy Monday never to be seen again. His body was found rotting in a lake a couple years later. It was revealed later on that he had decided to and succeeded in making real-life replicas of the Five Nights at Freddie’s characters, and they hadn’t been too fond of him trying to boss them around. The Handler recruited the replicas later on for her own schemes, and they followed Reginald rather well, their appetite for people satisfied well enough. But Leonard remains the school legend, and a striking reminder to be careful what monsters you let live.

Grace is the queen of the Land of the Remembered, and you may be wondering what she’s doing in this story. Well, to put it simply - Reginald’s little games have been messing with her shit. There are perfectly kind and memorable people who have come down to her only to be erased in the Land of the Living within the week, leaving her no choice but to take them in as refugees, working out a deal with the Land of the Forgotten since they weren’t given a fair shot at their deserved afterlife. She takes care of Ben when he dies for the second and final time, appearing to assure Klaus he’ll be alright when he crosses over. This is when Diego finally learns the truth about his mom, who has always been home in time to make dinner and never missed a single milestone, and who is apparently also an all-powerful goddess. She gives him a hug and tells him his boyfriend is cute (He’s not my boyfriend.) (You’re holding hands, darling. You may be an oblivious idiot, but I’m not.) and then she heads off, though she’s always back with Ben for the holidays. (Not Lila, unfortunately. She has no jurisdiction over robots.)

And Hiro is ace-aro and he and Miguel are QPPs, and Honey Lemon and Wasabi are QPPs, and Fred and Wasabi are dating, and Gogo is an bisexual aro queen with a girl she likes to kiss in the back alleyways, and Hiro has two sisters named Violet and Boo and Tip is his ace-aro lab partner. You’re welcome.

#tua #the umbrella academy #big hero 6 #disney #the hargreeves & friends #kliego #ralluther #eudorla #vanya x sissy #five &x dolores #klaus &x ben #hazel x agnes #hazel & cha cha #i don't know this is really sad and really dark #whatever #my bad #have a nice day y'all #bye

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mother-snake · 3 years

Note

Me: *looks at completed homework* *looks at Jessie* *looks at homework* Now that I have my freedom your heart is in danger once again. Be warned brave friend.

Also me: JANUS!! GET YOUR BLOND HEAD OUT HERE!!! I NEED YOU AGAIN!

faintly in the distance: noooooooo

~~~~~~~~

All the sides were wearing black.

They just got home from a very sad event that day, no one wanted to say the title out loud because they couldn't accept that he was gone. Rain hit the mindscape windows, similarly, tears were streaming down all of their faces.

After the event, all the sides went to their rooms. All except a certain dark blue side.

Logan was on the couch. Black suit being crumpled by the lax sitting position. In his shaking hands was held a letter. Everyone had at least one letter. Logan had the most with five letters. Each one had a number.

Logan grabbed the letter labeled #1

It was of medium size. White envelope contrasting with the red wax used to seal it. The only thing that marked that it was for him was the blue ink used to mark his name.

Trying not to tear the paper. Logan opened the letter and started to read.

Dear Logan,

I guess if you're reading this I'm gone. To that fact, I'm truly sorry. I wish I could be there. But this is for the best.

I suppose you know what happened to the dark side by now. If you don't well.... Its gone. Wrath, Apathy and Depression were just getting too powerful, it didn't matter how much I hid them away they still got to Thomas... and I can't have them destroying Thomas's life. I need to do my job, even if it kills me. I really did enjoy your company! I hope you know that.

Often times the only thing that could get me out of the bed in the morning was being able to see your face. Or being able to debate with you. Or seeing you talk about space for hours! God Logan, I could go on for hours about how you made my horrid life better. You were my best friend.

These letters are going to be written over a period of time. I don't think I have it in me to say goodbye to the 5 people who made my life tolerable all at once. I'm going to be writing one letter a day. Till tomorrow Logan?

~Deceit Sanders

Logan let out a steady breath. He refused to cry over the first letter. He debated over reading all of the letters at once but.... Janus said tomorrow... He'll read letter #2 the following day.

The next morning was just as somber. Logan sat on his bed and gripped the second letter.

This one was the same size, but the envelope was a light baby blue. The seal black. Logan opened it with just as much care as before.

Hello Logan

Another day, another migraine? I get it... Not the time for jokes. I just finished writing Roman's second letter. I always felt so bad for everything involving Roman.

I manipulated him, I told him lies, I compared him to his brother. Kinda makes me deserve this I have a feeling he might try something. Snake instincts. Watch him for me, please? You five need to be a family, I've witnessed what happens to sides to end up hating eachother. Its not pretty. You don't want that Logan.

I guess that is what makes me have to do this. If we only acted like a family I wouldn't have to do this. I wouldn't have to do a lot of things if the darks weren't pricks.

The stupid thing is that I know you would try to talk me out of this plan. And you're right. God you're always right. Why do you have to be right all the time? I wish I was right all the time. But its ok. I'll be the side who hides the truth.

Blessings and a curses, right?

I'll write to you again tomorrow Logan

~ Janus Deceit Sanders

Logan gulped in another breath. He could read that crossed out section... Janus was right. They have to be there for eachother.

Why don't they go watch Janus' favourite movies? That sounds like a fun way to remember someone. Logan got the others.

-time skip-

It was just passed midnight. Everyone else was asleep on the couch as Coraline played on the TV. Logan stared at the third letter. It was technically the next day.... Logan grabbed the letter.

This letters envelope was a burnt tan colour. Yellow wax acted as the seal.

My dear, Logan

I never wanted to be hugged so much then I do right now. I have to barricade my door to prevent Wrath from getting inside, he's always been a loud side.

I remember when I was nothing but a child -Virgil is ten years older then me. Did you know that? I forget that sometimes- I always had blond hair. I know that you and the other lights also have lighter coloured hair. Well anyway. Wrath hates my hair, says that I don't belong. I can also only do that little silencing trick when I'm on your side of the mind. And I can only automatically heal when on the light side too. Huh. I never released how long that list was. Maybe I'm just defective... That has to be it... Right?

I always looked up to you. You could tell people how it was and not cower when things go wrong. You truly are amazing Logan. You need to show the others that. I know that the others love and care for you. You need to accept that love logan! Please. Don't fall into a similar pit of despair I fell into so long ago. I never escaped that pit. Don't fall in it too.

I know how you like to cope Logan. You seek familiar things that remind you of that person. Thats why I did something for you. Under your bed is my all time favourite book, Good Omens, My favourite snacks and an USB with my playlist on it. I hope you love them as much as I did Logan. I'll write to you tomorrow.

~Janus Sanders

Janus wasn't lying when he found the little care package. Logan wasn't crying. Absolutely not! Patton was cooking with onions. Logan never released how much he loved chocolate covered pretzels and jazz until that moment.

The next day Logan didn't even bother to get dressed. He just grabbed the next letter. A soft pastel yellow with a blue seal. Logan tore it open, eger to read what the yellow side wrote next.

Dear Bluebell,

Kinda weird calling you that. But I guess I won't be alive long enough to see your negative reaction. Bluebells were always my favourite flower. Would it be rude to keep calling you bluebell? Well, I guess it's a little too late for that.

It just came to my attention that by this time tomorrow I'm going to be...Gone. I made the poison that would get rid of them. My venom is one of the only things that can kill a side. Would be a bit ironic dying from my own venom huh? Well, I might as well tell you my plan.

Do you remember that party you and the others snuck into? The masquerade? We're having another party tomorrow. And it was always my job to serve the wine. We can't have the others being suspicious to why I didn't drink my wine. They will be dead in less then ten minutes. My venom is painful. But it'll kill them. I'll kill them 10x over, I'm not looking forward to five minutes in where the venom shuts down your lungs.

Anyway, I'm a side known for plans right? Not always the best plans but it counts. I still remember debating with you as Patton. Maybe... Maybe I could sneak over today? Pathetic last wish, but I would love to have a hug and a movie. I'm going to head over to your side soon.

Bluebell Logan when I'm gone. I need you to do something for me. Don't let them forget me...Please. That is all I want. I don't want my body to be left inside of that empty house. I don't want to die next to the people I hate the most. All I ever wanted was to see you smile. I'll see you later today.

~Bumblebee

Logan was crying. That day... Janus asked for a hug and a movie.

He only gave Janus a hug after the look of heart break was too much for him to bear. Logan didn't wait to grab the next letter.

My Beloved Bluebell

Today is the day, I never thought I would admit this but... I'm scared. Do you think that there is Heaven and Hell for sides? If there is I guess I'm going to hell. Suicide is a sin. Not like anything else I've done deserves heaven.

I don't have very long for this letter. 30 minutes. I have 30 minutes till my heart stops. God I'm terrified. This is the last letter I'm writing Logan. I finished writing Virgil's letters yesterday. All thats left is your letter. And holy fuck I'm scared.

I have to do this, I overheard Wrath making a plan to overthrow the mind. I can't let that happen. I would fail at my only job. It doesn't matter if I'm scared or not, I need to do my job. Thomas would suffer if I didn't.

20 minuites, I have ten minutes till the party. My hand is shaking. Can you tell from my writing? I hope you can still read this. If you can't the letter is pointless.

Logan, I know that this is never something you would reciprocate but...

I love you. I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you. I wanted to take you to the moon for a honeymoon and take you dancing among the stars. I wanted to be the tired husband that has to deal with your legionds of roommates. Logan I love you so god damn much I can't put it into words. I know you could never love me though. Its ok.

Take care of yourself for me please. Don't let your beautiful family fall apart. Don't let the despair of my death cause one of yours. Don't let one of the others blame themselves. This is no ones fault but mine.

I love you

~Janus Sanders

Logan dropped the letter and let out the most agonizing scream that could ever come out of his mouth. He cried. He cried and cried and cried. He cried until no more sound came out and his eyes burned.

He didn't notice when the other four came into the room and held him close.

All Logan did was trace the words on the page.

"I love you too, my bumblebee."

The sides could only feel the hole in their heart grow bigger.

~~~~~

I made myself sad again. I CAN'T EVEN CRY! MY PARENTS ARE IN THE ROOM! Curse my own brain ;-;

Here it is!

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johannesviii · 4 years

Text

So I guess I’m hyperfixating on Death Stranding at the moment

And since I’ve finally finished the story after playing it for like 100 hours over the course of seven months or so I guess I have Opinions(tm) about things I didn’t like in the game

They’re eating at my brain so I’m gonna put them all in a single post to get them out of my system once and for all so I can enjoy the rest in peace

Spoilers, obviously

Hi welcome back to ‘Johannes is obsessing over yet another video game with horror elements in it’! I guess!!

Our latest entry in that category was Until Dawn but since UD can be played in like 6/7 hours and I spent 100 hours of my life on DS, as you can guess we’re talking about a full-blown hyperfixation, the kind that physically hurts because I can’t focus on anything else even after having finished the storyline

But it was super gradual. Again, seven months. I barely made any progress from December to May because I was only doing side-deliveries at the beginning of Chapter 3 instead of... you know... advancing the plot. It became an honest-to-god special interest about two months ago, then 6 days ago while playing chapter 10 it reached hyperfixation levels and now I am in PAIN

I hate my brain

Anyhow

At first I wanted to list the good and the bad hings in it but there’s too many good things to list them all in full, excruciatingly long details, so

Very Quick And Very Incomplete List Of Good Things That I Love

It’s a post-apo game based on travel, logistics, and good will, and it straight up goes AGAINST the whole ‘survival of the fittest’ trope that SO MANY post-apo things try to push!! YES

I insist but it’s built on helping each other and keeping everyone alive, seriously that is my shit right there!

The online community is wholesome?? People leave stuff everywhere, you never see anyone but people put little helpful signs and send you likes, and in my game we almost managed to repair all the roads together

There’s so many new & strange allergies and disabilities and phobias in this post-apo world and? nobody is trying to ““fix”“ anyone?? Like Heartman with his padded floor and his little box that brings him back to life constantly. He’s just... living like that. Nobody’s going “hey maybe you should get another heart operation buddy”

The hero and his phobia of being touched. I. Loved. That. The quiet scenes when he was just talking with Fragile, sitting next to her. In any other context this would just be two people sitting next to each other and talking but it always feels so soft and intimate everytime he allows another human being to just. be next to him. I love it. I love them

Everyone crying constantly because of chiral allergy!!

I loved all the important characters bar one (Bridget/Amelie)!

Why is this walking simulator so enjoyable why am I enjoying the fact that holding L2 + R2 while walking feels like holding your backpack and that you have to relax at times just like you’d have to if you were actually holding a backpack

Seriously. Why

The atmosphere was so great, the music was fantastic and the visuals were on point. A E S T H E T I C

The ghosts!! The giant Beached Things!!! Chiral crystals look! like! creepy hands reaching for the SKY!!

THE RAIN DESTROYS THINGS AND KILLS PEOPLE BY ACCELERATING TIME THIS IS SO COOL SHUT UP

Everytime the game got surreal it was electrifying

THE SURREAL WAR SCENES ON CLIFF’S BEACH

Everyone is using emojis

There’s guys addicted to delivering packages in that game and they’re trying to steal our stuff and we’re like “haha they’re dumb” but we’re basically addicted to delivering packages as the player. So yeah that was pretty fun

Terrorists thinking humanity isn’t going extinct fast enough and wanting to just rip the bandaid and speed things up. Simple but effective concept

People ask for SUPER VITAL ITEMS right next to completely trivial stuff and I’m LIVING for it. “Please fetch my toy dinosaur”. I feel you dude

The most isolated characters are like "LET ME TELL YOU ABOUT THIS THING I LIKE" in your emails because they haven't had contact with other humans in years, it's super relatable

There’s a farm where people use the fact that Timefall rain accelerates time to grow food super quickly in one (1) Timefall and harvest everything just before it starts to die and I LOVE that detail of worldbuilding so much

YOU’RE FIGHTING BEACHED THINGS WITH YOUR OWN BODILY FLUIDS IT’S SO STUPID BUT ALSO SO COOL?? I love yeet-ing my own blood at eldritch entities

THE T W I S T S

All the fanservice (bar one detail that I’m gonna complain about later) is on dudes. This game reeeeeeally likes to show dudes naked or somewhat naked. Mostly the main character but this mocap also L O V E S Mads Mikkelsen and there’s a shit ton of homoerotic shots in there

I love Sam the antisocial papa wolf delivery man and if someone touches him or his baby again, I will cry

LOU. LOU LOU LOU PRECIOUS BABY I’D DIE FOR YOU. Wait I did

I love Fragile and how brave she is and how she keeps helping people even if most of them wrongly think she’s a terrorist and yes I will eat this cryptobiote thank you

I love soft science boi Heartman who keeps dying again and again and is a bit too much interested in bodily fluids

I love garbage man Higgs and how complex, funny and still somewhat tragic this memelord actually turned out to be in the end

Seriously I want to stop fixating on this character but you can’t give me YET ANOTHER character who wants to die but at the hands of someone else, that is unfair to do that right after my fixation on the new Doctor Who Master

So yeah Higgs is yet another character who makes me want to grab him by the lapels and shake him and yell WHY! ARE! YOU! LIKE! THIS! STOP! BEING! LIKE! THIS!!

Cliff broke all three of my feelings beautifully and in excruciatingly well-acted scenes that transcended the sometimes lackluster dialogue

John made me cry during That Scene

Mama your background was tragic and terrifying and you didn’t deserve any of this shit and I love you

Deadman was more funny than anything, really, but I still liked him even if he had no sense of personal space whatsoever and it clashed horribly with Sam’s phobias

The ending had some sad parts but was mostly positive, thank goodness

Now I’m gonna explain things I dislike and this looks long but it’s actually only 5 main things so I bolded them to avoid confusion

Things I really disliked (and could have been handled wayyyy better)

We all know it but Kojima isn’t a master of subtlety and some parts of the dialogue kept repeating the same informations again and again AND AGAIN and I was like “ok ok I get it”

The dialogue can be so bad at times seriously

Kojima is a bad writer there I said it

It was particularly annoying with Amelie/Bridget and the fact she’s a horrible person trying (and failing) to justify her actions wasn’t helping

Bridges protocols are incredibly intrusive. All of them. I know it’s framed as bad and Sam hates being spied on all the time and in the end he destroys the device that does that, but I wish someone else would openly criticise it in-game

I guess Deadman sort of did but still

Also I know the whole BB technology was Bridget’s idea, and since she’s the actual villain it’s framed as a twisted, evil thing during the ending, but I wish that had been framed like that much earlier ; a lot of Bridges employees just... seem to accept the idea that their employer is using premature babies and their dead mothers as useful, if disturbing, devices. They seem to justify it by “uh we stole that technology from terrorists” to try to cope with the idea but... yeah.

I mean, one of the points being made very early on is that Sam sees his BB as his child who must be protected at all costs instead of a detection device, but I really wish he wasn’t the only one to object to that thing

Again, the game DOES frame "using babies and their dead mothers as tools” as evil and twisted, I just wish it was given a lot more weight and way sooner

Now let’s talk about the Token Straight(tm) in this game

In any other kind of context it would be a joke! But Death Stranding literally has a Token Straight Guy!

I mean, there IS a few hetero couples among the Preppers. Not a lot, mind you. Like, there’s the Montaineer and his wife for instance. But they’re just there and it’s not what their side plot is about

No I’m talking about this piece of shit right there

This f█cking Junk Dealer guy complains the girl he loves is dead because of Bridges and emotionally blackmails us by sending us old holograms of her before her supposed death (somewhat disturbing holograms too because she looks... pretty young in them), then he sends us on what’s essentially a suicide mission in a BT infested zone, THEN when we give him proof she’s still alive and living in another bunker nearby, he won’t go there himself to check??

But SHE’s like “ok, bring me to him, then!”

He doesn’t deserve you, girl

I’ve already seen several people pointing out that carrying a woman as cargo on your back is... debatable at best and sexist at worst, but that part didn’t really bother me to be honest? She asked to be carried to him and it’s her choice. She was talking to us the entire way too, so that made things a lot less awkward. Also Sam has this phobia of being touched by other people so I bet carrying another human being on his back isn’t fun for him. It was also super stressful to do, to be honest.

And then there’s this EXTREMELY AWKWARD scene when they’re reunited and decide to get married, and thankfully Sam finds it just as awkward as we do because he’s standing super far away from the bunker in a “can’t they talk about this later - I’m right there” way. And I’m under the impression it was intended as cringy, in a “yeppp young people in love are Like That” sort of way, so I can accept that, to be honest. If you don’t take that scene seriously, it’s pretty fun in, again, a cringy sort of way

BUT

Then you receive more emails later and this piece of shit guy complains about her and he’s like “ugh WOMEN” or “marriage is the worst” and they end up divorced in record time and she goes back to her bunker

Which isn’t my problem with this subplot either, I promise I’m gonna explain myself eventually but this context is important. It’s okay to have characters who are pieces of shit like this guy who reeks of incel cologne. It’s alright. Not every character has to be a role-model. It’s good to have characters you can hate.

BUT THEN they get back together later to try to patch things up and you learn he was part of a gang who murdered her parents even though he protected her against the rest of the gang and that’s what I hated about that storyline. I guess if you squint it can be read as “this woman is making REALLY BAD life choices” but I read it as “he saved her so she owes him something, he can’t be entirely bad” and y i k e s this left such a bad taste in my mouth, good lord.

But yeah miss Chiral Artist you’re making really bad life choices please get away from this dude as soon as you can, thank you

Also don’t do this ‘sending Likes’ pose ever again, it was hilarious but also you made me use the word “cringy” several times in this paragraph even though I absolutely hate cringe culture, look what you made me do

Now I have to talk about a scene that was intentionally disturbing as hell but ONE (1) detail in it was disturbing for the wrong reasons

To be honest, I really don’t like the Metal Gear Solid games and one of the reasons is the rampant sexism in them so I... was kind of bracing myself for Death Stranding and expecting it to have at least SOME really bad fanservice with a woman at one point or another but to my surprise?? There was none? All the fanservice is on dudes??? Hello? I really liked that (well at some point Fragile takes a shower in our room but we see literally nothing except her shoulder and then Sam looks away)?? What a refreshing change

THAT BEING SAID

And if you played the game you know exactly what I’m about to talk about

Yep this is the part where Johannes complains about how the bomb flashback was shot

Ok so I guess I should also give some context in case someone is reading this but hasn’t played the game, but the deal with this scene is that our friend Fragile was betrayed by her colleague Higgs who used to be a porter but became a terrorist after meeting the “main“ villain of the game. First he secretly put a thermonuclear bomb in one of her deliveries so she’d nuke an entire city without even knowing it, and everyone after that thought she was a terrorist. And then he tried to do that shit A SECOND TIME, but she noticed and decided to toss the second nuke into a bottomless lake of tar. But he caught her just before she reached the lake and he decided to give her a sadistic choice, which was “teleport away and the bomb stays there and nukes the city, or carry it to the lake but only in your underwear under this rain that speeds up time and it will do enormous damage to your health and your body”

And of course being the hero she is, she decides to take the second option

And it’s an incredibly disturbing scene and it’s genuinely hard to watch

But it’s also the ONLY time a woman is in her underwear in this entire game and there’s A COUPLE of shots that were male-gaze-y at the beginning before she started to run and the really horrific part started.

So in a way I guess it could have been worse? way worse, even

But it still tarnishes an otherwise disturbing (and harrowing at times ; seriously I know I’m oversensitive but it was physically painful to watch) scene with unnecessary shots

We know Fragile had a young body before this happened, this isn’t the point of this scene, guys

Whoever decided to keep these shots (probably Kojima let’s face it), that is bad and you should feel bad

Idk how to do a visual transition for that next one because I do not want to screen that memo

So here’s a screenshot with a nice landscape instead

tw: acephobia

Now I have to talk about something I like the GENERAL IDEA of, but not how the IN-GAME MATERIAL ABOUT IT was written

Because I have to talk about that “asexual world” memo

First I have to say that I absolutely love the fact that a mainstream game openly says in-game “this future is full of asexual people" and?? it’s just that, it’s a part of this world. That’s just how things are. It’s normalised. I love it. For crying out loud this memo has the word demisexual in it. I can’t think of any other mainstream game that had this word in it so far.

It should have stopped there and let me enjoy that in peace but it didn’t

THE MEMO ITSELF WAS CLEARLY WRITTEN BY SOMEONE WHO DOESN’T KNOW HOW TO HANDLE THESE CONCEPTS and there’s some really bad stuff there. I’d say it’s accidental acephobia but it’s still there. I’m not the best person to talk about this because I’m bi, but it still rubbed me the wrong way

The words this memo uses near the beginning are “"sexless lifestyle” among young people” and yikes, my dude. “Lifestyle”, uh? Really?

And then it goes on about how these new labels were already more and more common “among young people before the Death Stranding” and it also rubs me the wrong way, in a “wow young people and their weird labels lol” sort of queerphobic way?

However I’ve seen a post pointing out that the line “One theory posits that the Stranding accelerated the proliferation of these sexualities” was maybe a way of saying ‘yo asexuals are causing the end of the world’ but... I don’t see it, tbh? In the context of the game, society is extremely divided and a lot of people live in complete isolation and social norms have heavily shifted and it’s kind of normal that there’s queer people visible everywhere now, aces included obviously, because nobody’s bothering to hide it anymore. It’s a post-apocalyptic world! People are just being themselves! A lot of characters also seem to be bi/pan! They’re just vibing ok

At least that’s how I read that part, I can understand if someone had a problem with that bit but I didn’t

BUT! THAT’S NOT ALL because the memo concludes (I’m paraphrasing) “the birth rate has dropped, which might be a problem, but harassment and assault have also dropped, which is good, so idk it’s 50/50″ and. like. I get the intention. But it’s clumsy as hell and very bad. Please don’t confuse abuse of power and attraction. They don’t go hand in hand. Don’t do that. Please. And you know that aces can have kids if they want to, right. Come on. It’s 2020 my dude. This shit is harmful

Also. Like. It’s the end of the world in this game. People don’t want kids. It... has nothing to do with aces. Reality itself is crashing down. People are reluctant to have kids because reality.exe might f█cking crash down at any given moment!

Or a Beached Thing could VoidOut their city!

Or someone might send them a nuke, not naming names!!

Anyway!!!

It’s really badly written and whoever wrote it should educate themselves and maybe get an ace to re-read their stuff next time??

Again I’m not the right person to talk about acephobia and I bet an actual ace would have plenty more to say about this

Thankfully it’s a memo written in-game by a random Bridges councellor and NOT by any important character that we actually know

"I must preempt myself by admitting that I do not have any empirical data" yeah so, f█ck off maybe

So I’m just gonna call that guy “another piece of shit character” but it still doesn’t excuse the fact that the memo was written by someone who thought it was a good idea to put it in the game

Just let me enjoy my super queer post-apo world in peace and don’t write shit like that in your game thank you and goodbye

Minor stuff I also disliked but it wasn’t as awful

I get that Sam is upset at the end because Lou is dying but the way he said goodbye to Fragile broke my heart. It was abrupt and you KNOW he’s upset and wants to have nothing to do with Bridges anymore and that’s very understandable but it isn’t her fault

Seriously I want them to be friends again

I’m gonna pretend they’re friends again after Lou is saved and that Sam is a freelance porter again and sometimes their paths cross and they just talk together in the middle of nowhere and share cryptobiotes

The pacing is weird, there’s this deluge of plot in the beginning and the end but not much in the middle?

The BT boss fights could have been these epic Shadow of the Colossus showdowns but no, they were relatively standard boss fights. Wasted opportunity

The running on the Beach scene sdfghjhgfdsdfghjhgf that was... dumb

A lot of preppers are interesting in one way or another but some are just boring. Also I wish the design of their bunkers was more varied

Amelie/Bridget’s motivations are all over the place, both creating Bridges AND the Demens is... a lot? I know she both WANTS and DOESN’T want the actual, final end of the world to happen but that is a lot to take in and it’s all very confusing

Who the hell cares about ‘rebuilding America’ I just want to build a network where people can help each other

The ‘likes’ are fun but don’t make much sense

In conclusion

Death Stranding Good

Some stuff Bad

Some stuff Very Bad (but it’s just one memo out of 100+ memos, thank god)

I’m still hyperfixating

Send help

#death stranding #long post #eye contact tw #acephobia tw #from a minor unamed character but still it's there

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minervahopebeyond · 4 years

Text

Blood Petals.

Chapter 25: Coping mechanism.

Monday came with the unfortunately reminder that the exams were next week so they needed to study. Like really study. At least, that was what Hermione told everyone who spoke to her.

Pansy and Blaise were actually hiding from her. Draco would have done the same if it weren’t for the burning feeling on his chest that was begging him to fix the things with Potter, again. Revising right next to the boy was the easiest way to be near without having to actually talk about that bloody weekend.

One problem, though: Ginevra was sitting on the boy’s lap.

Hermione tried to very casually suggest that maybe they could go and spend time with each other somewhere else; Draco was thinking: ‘Yes, somewhere else. Any other place. Leave. Be disgusting in private.’ Ron agreed with her that this was rather unnecessary.

Draco was having trouble keeping the coughs to a minimum. He had evolved to cough, in a very controlled manner, with his mouth close. The petals would accumulate there and the blond boy would swallowed them. After an hour or so, his mouth tasted like blood and daffodils. So fucking disgusting.

Ginevra laughed of something that Potter did and kissed him on the nose. Draco fought the urge to have a coughing fit right there.

“Draco.” He heard the voice and looked up. The hazel-eyed was holding his books, standing in front of the table... Talking to him in front of everyone. He blinked.

“Theo.”

They hadn’t spoken since Sunday morning. The blond boy thought that maybe Theodore regretted the time they spent together that way.

“I need help with Potions.” The brunette said while the corner of his mouth twitched upwards (with a very small gesture). Draco just shrugged and indicated him to sit next to him. The boy shook his head.

“I’m busy right now. After dinner”

And Draco watched him go, being indecently handsome and flirty in the most subtle way possible.

Weasley was watching him, a glint of mischief in his eyes, of complicity.

“Potions” The redhead pronounced every letter dragging it along, enjoying how red Draco’s face got. Hermione hit his head with a book an furiously wrote something in a parchment, looking sideways to check that the happy couple weren’t looking. He leaned to read what it said.

‘He is not out. Ginny doesn’t know. Shut your mouth.’

Then she broke the piece of parchment and returned to her book.

Potter seemed to be unaware of what Theodore had implied. That, or he simply did not care anymore. The daffodils started to hurt him again.

———————

Theodore's kisses were, probably, his new favorite thing in the world. The daffodils didn't agree, though.

The hazel-eyed boy was kissing his neck, Draco grabbed the boy's face and guided him to put his lips over his. He needed to stop thinking. He was seeing the scene in his head: Potter's lovey-dovey eyes when he looked at Ginevra, the redhead sitting on his lap, the way they kissed. The blond boy wanted to shut down his brain, and he only knew a way to do it.

Draco sat on the boy's lap, he heard him moan between the kiss. Theo pulled away just a little so he could speak, smirk in place.

"Did the Golden boy went all cave man on you, after I talked to you on the library?." Draco snorted and a petal escaped from his mouth.

"He doesn't care, Theo."

The brunette kissed him softly before whispering in his ear.

"Yes, he does. He sees me as a fucking threat and I'm loving it."

The mischief in his hazel eyes was the most indecent thing that the blond boy had seen in his short life. Draco laughed and called him a deluded idiot before pushing him to lay on the mattress and kissing him again.

———————

So... Draco had developed a new coping mechanism for the Hanahaki, basically. Every time he saw Potter with Ginevra, he would excuse himself and marched off to find Theodore.

The brunette was, mostly, still busy, but Draco found himself persuading him more than one time to use the Room of Requirement for something else entirely. He just wished that he could distract him so much that he would forget the mission all together.

He was returning from the Room of Requirement, it was almost dinner time and he needed to meet Blaise and Pansy. He was fixing his tie when he found Potter sitting alone by a window on the seventh floor.

The boy didn’t seem to notice him standing there, he kept looking at the window. The drops of rain were sliding down the glass. Draco couldn’t help to stare at the beautiful boy while he watched the rain fall.

He felt like it had been years since he saw Potter alone and brooding, in his very handsome and poetic way, with his green eyes full of emotions. The daffodils started to move inside him. ‘HE IS SO GORGEOUS.’ To which he internally responded ‘Yes, I fucking know already’

“Why don’t you join me? That way you can, at least, stare in a more comfortable way.” Potter said in a sassy tone, his eyes still looking through the window.

He felt the heat invading his face: cheeks, nose and ears. The flowers were thrilled that the boy simply knew that it was him. He forced himself to hold his breath as he walked towards the window and sat in front of him.

The green-eyed boy didn’t look at him, and the stayed in silence for a while... Looking through the window. The boy broke the silence.

“I was right.” Draco just stared at him, confused. Potter didn’t even look at him to explain. “I told you that, if you flirted with him or something, then he would see you: I was right.” The boy snorted. “Now, he can’t even keep his hands to himself for an entire day.”

Draco frowned, he sensed the annoyance in the green-eyed boy... He just couldn’t figure out why was he annoyed.

‘Yes, he does. He sees me as a fucking threat and I'm loving it.’

Could it be?... The daffodils were dancing around, so very happy, inside of him. He resisted the urge to cough.

“Well... I’m not complaining, Potter.” His green eyes glared at him.

“You should. You deserve more than the way he uses you.”

Poor, naive, Golden boy... He didn’t have a clue that, actually, it was the other way around. Theo was the one who took care of him when he was a mess. Theo was the one who offered to be a distraction for him. Theo was the one who asked to keep his first coughed up daffodil. Draco felt kind of guilty about it.

He didn’t want to use Theodore, but he felt like he might just cough daffodils all over the school if he didn’t. The blond boy actually tried to ask the boy about his feelings a few times ,but Theo would just kiss his doubts away or he would tell him to shut up; and the conversations ended right there.

“He is not using me. Believe me, Potter: I’m not doing anything that I don’t wish to do.”

The green-eyed didn’t respond. His eyes were on the bloody window again, moody face in place. After a while he decided that maybe he didn’t want to hear the answer but he was going to ask anyway.

“How are you with your Weasley princess? You seem happy.” Draco asked with his very best fake smile. Potter sighed.

“I don’t know...” Then, he checked to see that they were alone in the hallway, and looked at Draco. “You know how my dad looks at Padfoot?” The boy asked in a low voice, Draco just nodded. “I want that.”

The blond boy rolled his eyes.

“Yeah, well, get in line.”

“Oh shut up, Malfoy. You are not even in the line. You don’t even know what it’s like to be confused about your feelings.”

Draco just stared at him, eyes wide. The boy sighed.

“Sorry.”

“It’s okay, Potter.”

The boy looked troubled... The flowers were moving, begging him to get closer, to help with whatever he needed. He wished he could have some time alone in his own mind.

“I like her, I care about her... I just... How do I know if I love her? Shouldn’t it feel earth-shattering or something?”

“Why are you asking yourself this? You barely have been dating for a couple of weeks.” He said trying to appear aloof even thought he was dying to know.

Potter rested his head against the arc of the window and sighed.

“Everyone just keeps making jokes”

“Like what?” The boy looked at him from the corner of his eye, hesitant.

“That we are going to get married and stuff.”

His mouth was forming a little pout. Draco thought it was the cutest thing he ever saw. The flowers were so confused by the conversation that he didn’t even cough at the thought of Potter marring the she-weasel.

“I always thought you would.” The blond boy said shrugging.

The green-eyed boy blushed terribly, and frowned at him.

“Why?”

“Call it a hunch, Potty.”

The boy crossed his arms and looked at the rain again. Draco wished to draw him just like that, so handsome and moody. So very Potter.

“It doesn’t feel like the song.” The boy said in a very low voice, almost like a whisper. Draco hummed in understanding, he meant ‘Love of my life’.

Maybe he would regret this, but fuck it.

“It doesn’t have to feel like that.” The boy turned to look at him, expectant. “Did you know that John Deacon wrote ‘You’re my best friend’ to his wife? Sirius told me.” Potter just shook his head. “That’s another way of loving someone. You don’t need pain and angst to love more or something. You just fall in love and that’s it.”

The dark-haired boy was looking at him. Draco felt like those green eyes were looking for answers in the most deep places hidden inside of him. Draco swallowed the petals that tried to get out from his mouth. Something in that moment felt intimate, mesmerizing. The blush in his cheeks was getting worst.

“But that’s just it, isn’t it?” Potter started to say. “You fall in love. I don’t feel like I fell from anywhere.”

And it was so pure when he said it. So innocent. Draco’s mouth twitched in amusement before bursting into laughter.

“This is why I don’t like to talk about feelings. Everyone just laughs.” The boy huffed, and Draco laughed even harder.

“I’m sorry! But it’s just how it’s called! It doesn’t mean anything.” He responded between the laughs.

The green eyes were still looking at him. Potter hesitated to talk.

“Didn’t it feel like falling to you?”

Draco blinked. He remembered those big green eyes and the crooked glasses with the baggy clothes. He remembered the first sassy response he got from the boy on the train. He remembered seeing the boy catching the remembrall at the first quidditch class...

The petals escaped from his mouth as he coughed.

“Yes... It did.”

And Potter’s green eyes looked more conflicted than ever.

#drarry #fanfic #fanfiction #prongsfoot

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hamletandthegang · 3 years

Text

Reunite

Ophelia, Hamlet, Horatio, and Maggie all walked around to the far side of the castle, where there was a secret entrance they used whenever they wanted to avoid Claudius or the guards. The grass was still wet from where it had rained earlier, and they walked in silence, each lost in their thoughts.

Ophelia became more and more nervous by the second of what the reaction would be from the others. She had started feeling very guilty that she had stayed away for so long, only now revealing the fact that she was alive to her life-long friends. But she also felt like she was somewhat justified in her actions and hoped the others would understand. She mostly just didn't want to face Annalise.

Maggie was wracking her brain, trying to rapidly stitch together a plan from the pieces of the failed assassination attempt from an hour ago. She had the rebels, the police force, and now a perfect way into the castle and a clear shot to the King. All she lacked were the forces to combat the sheer amount of military and guards connected to the court…

Hamlet was still trying to process the fact that his girlfriend was still alive. He had been told she'd lost her mind and killed herself, come to find out she was alive and well and hanging out with what used to be one of his worst enemies. It had also dawned on him what he had done to her father, and suddenly her hesitation to his presence made a whole lot more sense. What had he done?

Horatio was exhausted. The last three weeks had felt like years. First coming back from England, Hamlet immediately killing Polonius and being sent back to England, Rosencrantz and Guildenstern narrowly avoiding dying out in the middle of the sea, getting a concussion and being bed-ridden for a good 36 hours, and then one of his best friends losing her mind and then dying and then NOT dying. He didn't even want to process the sheer amount of emotions he felt about her appearance- he just felt utterly overjoyed. He wanted to hug her and never let go, but she seemed very sensitive to any physical touch at the moment, so that was not an option. So instead, he was left to walk along quietly, filled to the brim with a feeling of uncontainable exhausted joy.

Hamlet helped them all into the side door then himself, shutting the door behind him and knocking into Horatio. They climbed up through the bottom of the ledge that led to the small door and then stepped out into the castle hallway. They made their way upstairs and to the third-floor window where the rebels were waiting impatiently in the car underneath and unfurled the climbing ladder to let them up. After each of them tumbled through the window and filed into the least-used wing of the castle, they continued to where they knew the others would be at this time of night.

The group had taken to playing board games in the little game room near the kitchen every night, trying to find ways to act normal and pretend as if they were simply college students hanging out together. Ophelia swallowed hard as they turned the corner and could hear the low voices coming from that room and tried to prepare herself for their reactions.

Hamlet and Horatio walked in first, leaving Ophelia and Maggie behind the wall separating the game room from the two steps up into the kitchen.

"Hey! How'd it go?" Anna's cheery voice asked, and Ophelia nearly turned around and left on the spot.

"Well, we didn't get Claudius, but- uh, we have someone here to see you all," Horatio spoke, and Ophelia took a deep breath and stepped around the corner.

The silence shot like bullets.

Rosencrantz, Marc, Anna, and Guildenstern all sat there completely stunned.

"Hi, guys," Ophelia said hesitantly.

Annalise screamed, stood up, and backed around behind the chair she was sitting in as a shield. "Is this some sick joke? Are you a fucking ghost or something? Huh?!"

"Hey, hey, no it's okay. Let's just sit down and-" Horatio tried to explain, but Annalise kept talking.

"No no no no no no this can't be real- I saw your grave! I saw your grave!" Annalise shouted, beginning to get choked up. "I saw the empty bottle- I saw it! Goddamnit this isn't real-" her back hit the wall, and before Ophelia could go over to her, Guildenstern had shot up and wrapped his arms around her, nearly pushing her over. Rosencrantz was still staring, completely in shock, and Marc had his hands over his mouth, barely taking in the information in front of him.

Ophelia could feel Guildenstern shaking, and when he finally let her go, he looked almost green. He sat back in the chair behind him and pulled a hand through his hair, staring at her as if she'd disappear at any moment.

"Holy shit-" Rosencrantz finally spoke. "Phelia? Damn! You really had me!" He started laughing, and Ophelia couldn't help but smile. This was the way Rosencrantz dealt with everything- he laughed. Ophelia had missed hearing it. As a child, his home had been extremely loud and downright abusive at times, and he had quickly developed a coping mechanism of joking to diffuse situations and the ability to laugh through almost anything.

"Marc?" Hamlet placed a hand on his shoulder, and he looked up, hands still clamped over his mouth.

"Can I…?" He motioned to Ophelia's hand, and she held it out. He hesitated, then grabbed hold of it, and once he felt how completely solid and warm it was, a hesitant grin spread across his face. "Thank Christ," he breathed, then stood up and hugged her. He hadn't forgotten about the ghost of the former King that stalked the grounds at night.

Annalise had finally started breathing again and approached her cousin hesitantly. "You died, right?"

"Nearly," Ophelia smiled out of nervousness. "I think Laertes gave me something that just knocked me out for a long time so somehow I just woke up on the sand and- yeah. I don't really know what happened, but my memory was really messed up for a while afterward so after I found Maggie, I just stayed with her for a bit while I tried to recover from it all and-"

"Wait, Maggie?" Guildenstern asked.

"Oh!" Ophelia noticed that she still was standing in the kitchen and motioned for her to come in. Annalise gasped when she revealed herself, and the room went silent again.

"It's okay," Horatio interjected. "I think she's cool." Maggie shot a grateful look at him.

"Are you sure?" Rosencrantz asked him, glaring at Maggie.

"She wants to help us take down Claudius. She also apparently saved Ophelia and let her stay with her, so yeah, I guess." Hamlet shrugged.

"Alright," Annalise said, obviously still hesitant. "I'm watching you though."

"That's justified," Maggie said.

"So, you're just- back?" Marc asked, turning back to Ophelia.

"Yeah, I suppose. Is that okay?"

"Are you kidding?! Yes! Please don't leave again," Marc said, eyes beginning to shine as the emotions of the night caught up to him. He put a hand over his face and tried to keep himself from falling apart entirely.

"I'll try my best," Ophelia said, also feeling the lump in her throat return.

"What do we do now?" Rosencrantz asked.

Ophelia thought for a moment, and after no one said anything, suggested. "We could just- play Monopoly? That sounds kinda fun." She pointed to the game that they had been playing before they had arrived.

"Let's do that," Annalise nodded and sat down, reshuffling the cards so they could restart the game.

They sat in a circle around the small table the board was laid out on and reset the game to play again. They pulled up another fold-out chair for Maggie and began to play. They didn't know what else to do. What even was 'normal' anymore?

#hamlet modern au #hamlet #shakespeare #hamletandthegang #horatio #ophelia #oc annalise #guildenstern #rosencrantz #hatg1

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thisizaraisu · 3 years

Text

Fall 2020 Superlatives

I definitely turned this season into a massive undertaking. After graduating college, I found a lot of free time on my hands, and in a season with 38 brand-new shows there were a good number of them that appealed to me. I started with 18 series on my docket and only ended up watching 11 of them the whole way through. Still, I ended up with plenty of options for this season’s Superlatives, so enjoy my terrible opinions as I hand out these awards.

Best OP

Most of the shows this season had OPs that were at least passable, but there were only a small handful that I felt were remarkable in any sense. In terms of visuals and tone-setting I think I Believe What You Said from Higurashi NEW is phenomenal, but there’s one thing that’s really holding it back and that’s the facial animations because they are REALLY bad. Literature from Majo no Tabitabi is also great from a visual standpoint but the song isn’t quite as breathtaking as the landscapes. There is ONE OP this season, however, that hit all the right notes... no pun intended.

Winner: “Dying Wish” - Moriarty the Patriot

Dying Wish immediately establishes Moriarty the Patriot as something special. It’s gritty and sinister, and the visuals reflect this tone perfectly. The ominous London backdrop complimented by the intense chorus and strings sent chills down my spine the first time I saw it. There’s knife fights, gun fights, Moriarty jumps off Big Ben and points a gun at his own head, it’s a great 90 second sequence that manages to be more tense than Higurashi NEW’s OP in part because of how grounded it is. This is one of those OPs that I just love everything about, and I had a strong feeling this would be my pick for Fall 2020′s best OP right after my first viewing.

Honorable Mentions: -”I Believe What You Said” - Higurashi NEW -”Higher’s High” - Warlords of Sigrdrifa -”Literature” - Majo no Tabitabi -”Needleknot” - Ikebukuro West Gate Park -”Kaikai Kitan” - Jujutsu Kaisen

Best ED

Winner: “Lost in Paradise” - Jujutsu Kaisen

Yeah I’m not even gonna bother with any build-up here. I mean, what else could it possibly be? Lost in Paradise is one of the greatest visual and auditory treats that I’ve ever seen not just in an anime, but in any form of media, and I can easily call it my favorite anime song of all time. Its visual style is just as fun as the song itself, it’s jazzy and upbeat and hits you with that perfect feeling of whiplash immediately after a tense conclusion to most episodes, setting things up perfectly for Juju Stroll. It’s just a perfect sequence in every sense of the word.

Honorable Mentions: -”Sayonara Namida” - Warlords of Sigrdrifa (Seriously in any other season this would have been an easy winner) -”Etoile” - Noblesse

Worst OP

This is an award that I probably won’t be handing out too often. Even the shows that I found more mediocre this season like Ikebukuro West Gate Park or Kuma Kuma Kuma Bear have really good OPs. That said, if you’ve been following the blog you know there’s one OP from this season that I absolutely detest.

Winner: “STEAL!!” - Akudama Drive

I love Akudama Drive, I think it’s a stylistically brilliant show with great fights and characters, as well as one of the most satisfying conclusions a single-season anime original could possibly offer. That being said, HOLY FUCK is this song terrible. Seriously, you have to actively TRY to make a song this bad. It’s essentially just the words “KISS ME” looped over and over, with constantly varying tempos and no effort to hit the right notes. It’s a shame too because like the rest of the show, the visuals are really cool, but it’s held back so much by just how god-awful the vocals are. My least favorite moment in the entire show is the bit towards the end of the finale where they play the OP in the background during the chase scene because I had to mute a goddamn chase scene. There aren’t many shows where I’ll always skip the OP no matter what mood I’m in, but Akudama Drive is definitely one of them. STEAL!! is ear-bleeding garbage and the one positive about Akudama Drive coming to a close is that I’ll never have to subject my ears to the screeching of KISS ME KISS ME KISS ME ever again.

Most Pleasant Surprise

I was going to make this a tie between two series originally, but as it turns out, they have a very common trait between them. What do I mean, you may ask?

Winner: A-1 Pictures

A-1 Pictures hit me with two shows this season that I absolutely love: Hypnosis Mic and Warlords of Sigrdrifa. Going into Fall 2020 and poring through every synopsis to see what shows would interest me, both of these were the two shows that really had me going back and forth, internally debating whether or not I should watch them. In the end, I decided to take a chance on them, thinking that if I didn’t enjoy them all that much I could say I tried and move on. What I ended up with were two of my top 5 shows this season, and shows that I would unironically give an 8/10 to. Hypnosis Mic was just a TON of fun to watch every week with stunningly well-implemented CG animation, diverse characters, great music and a lot of personality. Sigrdrifa is a much more serious, emotionally-charged series that baits you in with promises of cute anime girls only to expertly deliver themes of coping with failure and discovering who your true family is. A-1 Pictures absolutely KILLED it for me this season, and I’ll definitely be keeping an eye on their works for Winter 2021 in the hopes of finding another set of hidden gems.

Also the Sigrdrifa dub is pretty damn good too.

Biggest Disappointment

There were two strong contenders for this award, so I really had to sit and ask myself: which one gave me less to enjoy than the other? In the end the conclusion I reached was about what I expected.

Winner: Burn the Witch

I’ve already talked at-length about why I absolutely hate Burn the Witch. It’s a terrible excuse for a movie that’s completely dedicated to the idea of doing nothing with its characters (except Balgo who is the worst character I’ve seen in an anime), with an insultingly bad conclusion and the animation being the only PASSABLE aspect of it all. Even after dropping 7 shows this season, the only competition Burn the Witch really had was Kuma Kuma Kuma Bear, but at the end of the day my disappointment with that show was based on my personal expectations (and love of BOFURI) vs reality. Burn the Witch is terrible on its own, and is completely deserving of this distinction.

Best Character

Winner: Satoru Gojo - Jujutsu Kaisen

I’ll be blunt, I don’t watch many shonen anime, so for me to really get into a shonen series, it needs a strong selling point. Obviously the shonen I have the most experience with is JoJo’s Bizarre Adventure, and the selling point for that series was honestly the memes. Jujutsu Kaisen, on the other hand, had me sold on the strength of its characters. Itadori is a great lead, but Gojo stands tall above the rest. Jujutsu Kaisen perfectly balances his overpowered nature with his fantastic comedic relief potential, and I love every scene he’s in whether it’s a fight or a joke. I’m definitely excited to see what Gojo has to offer in Jujutsu Kaisen’s 11 remaining episodes.

Honorable mentions: -Syalis - Maoujou de Oyasumi -Swindler - Akudama Drive -Sonoka - Warlords of Sigrdrifa -Ramuda - Hypnosis Mic

Worst Character

Winner: Balgo - Burn the Witch

I HATE YOU. Not even gonna waste any more time on this one.

Honorable mentions: -Shimamura - Adachi and Shimamura

Best Scene

Winner: Brawler vs Executioner (Akudama Drive, episode 6)

HOW DO YOU CHOREOGRAPH A FIGHT THIS PERFECT? IN AN ANIME-ORIGINAL SERIES, NO LESS???

Everything about this fight is objectively perfect. The innovative uses of the setting, the incredible rain effects, the weight behind every punch, the emotional climax, every second, every blow, is just jaw-dropping perfection. The fact that there was no source material behind this scene to make it such a perfect sequence is baffling to me, and it was the scene that cemented Akudama Drive as something truly special to me.

Best Episode

Winner: A Deep Sorrow from the Past (Majo no Tabitabi)

Majo no Tabitabi has three episodes alone that were in contention for this award, but in the end, A Deep Sorrow from the Past hits harder than any other episode this season (figuratively not literally, read the paragraph above for the episode that literally hits hardest). For an episodic and often comedic show like Majo no Tabitabi to so perfectly present an emotional, legitimately horrifying story of betrayal, I was totally blindsided. There were many good episodes this season and I’m definitely gonna have a few honorable mentions here, but this still feels like an obvious award to give.

Honorable mentions: -”The Princess Without Subjects” - Majo no Tabitabi -”The Two Apprentices” - Majo no Tabitabi -”Tateyama Castle Swimsuit Skirmish!” - Warlords of Sigrdrifa -”BROTHER” - Akudama Drive -”Marriage” - Tonikaku Kawaii

Worst Episode

This award would be too easy to give to a show that I’ve dropped, so I’m going to set a rule right here and now, I can only give this award to a show I’ve watched all the way through.

Winner: The Day of Battling Tiles (The Day I Became a God)

Say what you will about The Day I Became a God, I definitely found it enjoyable for the most part and even found the ending to be rather satisfying. Episode 4, however, was definitely the biggest roadblock. Like most Jun Maeda shows, the comedy in the show’s opening half was rather stellar, but The Day of Battling Tiles didn’t make me laugh so much as scratch my head and wonder “What the hell were they thinking?” Like I don’t even hate Tengan but I just didn’t find the idea of a newswoman getting turned on by a minor because he made up some shit about mahjong that funny, and it isn’t even the moral aspect that bothers me so much as just how uncomfortable the whole thing feels as it drags on. Also I can’t decide if I’d like or dislike this episode more if I actually knew anything about Mahjong.

Anime of the Season

There were some phenomenal shows this season. Jujutsu Kaisen, Sigrdrifa, Hypnosis Mic, Moriarty and Tonikawa are all shows that are going to hold a place in my heart going forward, but you know damn well that there’s one that stands above the rest.

Winner: Akudama Drive

Akudama Drive is the best anime that I’ve actually watched on a weekly basis. I know I just talked shit about the OP but it’s literally the only thing I dislike about this show. Akudama Drive is the Suicide Squad premise done as right as possible, the cyberpunk aesthetic is incredible, the action is expertly choreographed with Brawler vs Executioner being the greatest fight I’ve seen in anime, the story is full of wild dystopian twists and turns while still making some sense in context, the characters are irredeemable as they should be, and the conclusion is satisfying to a degree that I did not anticipate. There’s seriously almost nothing to dislike here, and honestly I was ready to hand this award out by the end of episode 6. Thank you Studio Pierrot for this absolute gem of a show.

#anime #anime review #awards #fall 2020 #Seasonal anime

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Recathon 2020 Masterlist

Hello and welcome to the Recathon 2020 masterlist! This masterlist will be comprised of all recs posted to this post (all 144 of them!), with some small edits. Those edits are: (1) Duplicate recs have been discarded. Fics appear under the first theme they were rec'd under. (2) "Self rec" and "rec one of your own fics you think didn't get enough love" have been combined. Unless otherwise specified, all recs are Clint/Nat or Clint & Nat. Also, unless otherwise specified all recs are fanfiction. On to the rec list!

Stories set in/focused on/including IKEA. Some Assembly Required by @alphaflyer Teen, no warnings: "They say that when you go to the seven circles of Hell, IKEA has taken over the suburbs and parts of the ring road.” Natasha and Clint enter an alien universe. Anything is Possible by @cassiesinsanity Gen, no warnings: It's 3 a.m. and Natasha is struggling to assemble an IKEA bed. Clint is woken up by her loud cursing and now they're in it together, both figuratively AND literally. #27 IKEA by @nympheline Teen, post-Avengers, angst: Clint and Natasha will never have normal lives. They have accepted this as fact. Once a month, they pretend by putting on some old rings and going to Ikea to pick out furniture. Or to Home Depot to look at paint samples. Or to Walmart to check out baby clothes. Because they will never have normal lives, but it’s nice to pretend. Things We Learn About Each Other at Ikea by Vera (Vera_DragonMuse) Chapter 7 of Drips and Drabs from Alliterative Domiciles, part of the Alliterative Domiciles series Teen, no warnings: Natasha and Clint in Ikea. Consumer Affairs by @galwednesday Steve/Bucky, teen, no warnings: “Tom,” Sara, the Senior Marketing Associate, said levelly, “if you don’t let me promote our bedroom product line using the Winter Soldier’s tweet reviews, I will quit. I will quit today. I will leave you high and dry with a junior marketing associate and an intern, Tom. The intern just started last week. He doesn’t even know how to work the copier yet.” Comedy! Frank & Matt: A Summary by Ariel Video. Matt Murdoch and Frank Castle. captain america | crack!vid 2 and captain america | crack!vid 3 by chrissy mae Video. Exactly what it says on the tin. Cursed Fork by canistakahari Steve/Bucky, teen, no warnings: There is a cursed fork in Steve’s cutlery drawer. Life of Crime by neveralarch Clint/Carol, Clint/Nat/Bucky, Kate/America, explicit, cntw: A supervillain AU where Clint shoots arrows at people and gets beat up a lot. So, not really that much of an AU. It's Raining Men by DailyAsgardianNews Video. Again, exactly what it says on the tin. xD Here Are All the Sensations of Being Alive by prettyasadiagram Gen, cntw: Contrary to what Clint likes to tell the new SHIELD agents, Natasha does have hobbies other than coming up with new and impressive ways to kill people with her thighs, even though the slight flinches and rabbit-quick swallows in the hallway are always hilarious. Natasha and a bedazzler. The Amazing Naked Avengers by vain_glorious Teen, no warnings: There were Avenger-sized mouse traps all over the damn bunker. All about as effective. Meaning no one got killed, but everyone is naked and bleeding a little. The Great Avengers Body Swap by vain_glorious Teen, no warnings: Loki and the Avengers spend a month in SHIELD's detention cells, because Loki cast a bodyswapping spell against them and got himself with it, too. The Importance Of Being Spidey by @copperbadge and @scifigrl47 Gen, no warnings: The Daily Bugle has some peculiar ideas about Clint Barton and a spandex bodysuit. Extracurricular Activities by @scifigrl47 Gen with background pairings, teen, no warnings: New York has a party for any taste. Some people like high class lounges. Some enjoy a good dive bar. There are gay bars and techno clubs and all night raves. And somewhere out there, there's a club where the dancers are dressed like Super Heroes, and Spider-Man may or may not be their headliner. Let's face it, the everyone assumed that Clint would be the first Avenger to take up pole dancing. He's a little distressed he's been beaten to the punch. Phil Coulson Knows Tony Stark's Super Villain Name by @scifigrl47 Gen with background pairings, teen, no warnings: Look, I’m just going to say SHIELD team building exercise with paintballs. Transfer Students by @copperbadge Gen, teen, no warnings: Five times the Avengers pawned kids off on the Jean Grey School. The Immortal Hawkeye by @copperbadge Clint/Bucky, teen, no warnings: Clint's a little older than he looks, and his DNA has a few surprises in store, too. Leader Of The Free World by @copperbadge Gen with Clint/Bucky, teen, no warnings: Clint Barton's presidential campaign started as a joke. It didn't end that way, except for Steve. 5 Times Steve Got Arrested and 1 Time They All Did by @heartsdesire456 Steve/Bucky, Clint/Phil, teen, no warnings: What it says, 5 times Steve Rogers ended up in jail (with and without Bucky) + 1 time all of the Avengers got arrested with him. Cap3 helicopter scene but with My Heart Will Go On by Celine Dion by @darlingpeggys Video, uploaded to YouTube by punkrockchewbacca Clint/Other and Nat/Other recs Prince Charming by @brendaonao3 Steve/Bucky, Steve/Thor, Clint/Wanda, explicit, no warnings: Bucky's not looking for a girl, he doesn't need anyone for the long haul. Then he meets Steve Rogers and discovers that what he's looking for in a relationship isn't a girl at all. in deep with you by @topaz119 Clint/Darcy, mature, no warnings: Darcy could have, under normal circumstances, resisted the aesthetics (however awesome they are, and holy crap are they awesome), but there's an itch under her skin—apparently, nearly dying by giant, fire-breathing robots from space in the middle of Nowhere, New Mexico will start you questioning your life choices. Who knew? assume a defensive stance by hoosierbitch. Clint/Bruce, teen, no warnings: No one can understand why Bruce and Clint are together. Clint's loud, brash, irritating--exactly what Bruce doesn't need in his life. fast, thorough, sharp as a tack by @quidnunc-life Natasha/Maria, teen, no warnings: Natasha likes getting a rise out of Hill when nobody else can. longing for the last time by @quidnunc-life Natasha/Valkyrie, teen, no warnings: After they imprisoned Hela, after all her sisters fell to inglorious deaths, the last Valkyrie swore she would not love again. In Your Likeness by hailtherandom Clint/Natasha/Sam, explicit, no warnings, post-WS: In which Sam gets a mysterious package from a mysterious person and, after a spell of feelings and a trip to Switzerland, both of those mysterious things get used quite a bit, much to everyone's delight. Two (Sort Of) Truths and One Complete Lie by igrockspock Clint/Melinda May, teen, no warnings: Melinda May was married once. Good luck finding out to whom. Fic with low kudos/comments Smoke on the Horizon by AuroraShard Teen, major character death, post-IW: Clint falls back on old coping mechanisms after the events of Endgame. Pepper joins him. A short fic about dealing with grief. We Are Family by SneakyHufflepuff. Mature, cntw: Natasha had sister-relationships with some of the other girls in the Red Room, and Nat was hardly the only one to escape. Turns out Clint's going to have to meet the family after all. Self-recs/a story of yours that you wish got more attention the shorter story by @cloud--atlas Mature, cntw: "be careful what you wish for" is written in matter-of-fact writing on the little sign by the entrance. he only wishes to be dry, and idly he wonders if there is any way even that can go wrong. Portrait of an Outlaw by RedBirdBella Teen, cntw: Clint is an undercover police officer working to convict a gang of cat-burglars. After being unearthed he’s beaten up and left for dead in an alley. From his hospital bed, he’s asked to work with a sketch artist to put together portraits for each gang member. Unfortunately, he can only remember one. Diamonds and Rust by @alphaflyer Clint & Kate, gen, no warnings: Kate is back; there's going to be laundry. Driver Choses The Music by inkvoices Teen, mild self-harm: Clint shoves his bag in the trunk of the car – a standard, bland SHIELD undercover ride – and doesn’t ask how Nat acquired the keys. Doesn’t ask how, or even if, she’s gotten permission to take him off base, doesn’t ask what’s in the bag she shoved in his arms on their way out, doesn’t ask what they’re doing in a SHIELD garage at ass o’clock in the morning. Doesn’t care. Some Strings Attached by @topaz119 Explicit, no warnings: "You," Natasha says slowly, "thought we should do something for Valentine's Day?" Five Unrelated Rescues and One Reunion by @crazy4orcas Teen, cntw: Rescue: to free or deliver from confinement, violence, danger, or evil. Reunion: an instance of two or more people coming together again after a period of separation. Show a Little Faith (There's Magic in the Night) by @alphaflyer Teen, no warnings, Dust Bowl AU: Riding the rails in the last bitter winter of the dust bowl years, two drifters encounter something they haven't seen before. Personal comfort fics Woman in the Crosshairs by @freaoscanlin Teen, no warnings: In which Clint has a new hobby and Natasha isn't curious, until she is. Black Widow and Hawkeye, their partnership—and what it means—throughout the years. The Only John Wayne Left in this Town by @gyzym Clint/Darcy, teen, no warnings: Clint's got a secret love, and it's spelled b-a-n-j-o. and at night be warm by @quidnunc-life Teen, no warnings: If Kate would've just talked to him about the Dog Cops finale, then Clint wouldn't be lying in bed, staring pointlessly at the ceiling, when the Insomniacs Anonymous radio show comes on at 1 AM and changes his life three minutes at a time. The First Annual Avengers Convention by starandrea Clint/Phil, teen, no warnings: With damage estimates topping $100 billion, New York City faces a long and expensive road back. Charity organizations have stepped in to support the Red Cross and provide long-term relief, but the economy is struggling and money has to come from somewhere. Everyone wants a piece of the Avengers. Who better to help fundraise than the heroes themselves? Amateur Theatrics by galaxysoup Gen, teen, no warnings: In which Thor’s primary problem-solving method (a mighty blow from Mjolnir) fails to have the desired effect on a magical artefact, and his secondary method (a mightier blow from Mjolnir) proves to be actively disastrous. The Observable Universe by Serea Okelani (sarea) Teen, no warnings, Jane POV: Jane has a low tolerance for stupidity. Clint and Natasha take exception to being called stupid. Catching Bullets in our Teeth by anothercover Clint/Laura, Clint/Nat, mature, no warnings, slow burn divorce AU: Retirement, it turns out, is not a thing that Clint is adjusting to very well. Or, you know, at all. It didn't occur to him that when he dropped the team, it would mean he'd lose Natasha, too. Under the Mountain by flawedamythyst Clint/Bucky, teen, no warnings: Clint and Bucky get trapped in a cave. Natasha and Kate Bishop friendship fics All Night, All Right by MoreThanSlightly (cadignan) Kate/America, Clint/Nat, teen, no warnings: Despite being young and rich and hot and awesome, Olympic gold medalist archer Kate Bishop finds herself in a bar acting like the world’s saddest, dullest cliché: Area Twentysomething Drinks Alone Because Her Ex Is Getting Married Next Weekend. But then, from across the room, she catches the eye of a girl with a wicked smile and an even better right hook. Things start to look up after that. High School/Uni AUs A Whole Month of Detention by @marvelousmsmarvel Teen, no warnings: The first detention was his fault. The second detention was his fault. Not surprisingly the whole month of detentions to follow were his fault too, but Natasha had to admit, marking her flawless record with a whole month of detentions was the best thing she'd ever done. Just A Little Bit True by @lissadiane Clint/Bucky, gen, cntw: Clint is good at cheerleading and bad at flirting and has been pining for Steve Rogers broody best friend for years. Naked Pantomime in the Dark by @intosnarkness Steve/Tony, Thor/Jane, Clint/Natasha, teen, cntw, Modern High School Theatre AU: Clint Barton has been at Carver High for six weeks when they draft him into the theatre department, and his life is never the same. Two for the Show by mousie-tongue Mature, cntw: After her uncle is taken, young Natasha Romanov ends up in state's custody at a group home. She can tough it out alone... but somehow fellow resident Clint Barton becomes the reason she doesn't have to. Wet Hot Avengers Summer by Sarea Okelani (sarea) Clint/Nat, Tony/Pepper, Thor/Jane, teen, cntw: At summer camp, Clint’s met the girl of his dreams. Then he meets her four brothers. Circus or carnivale AUs On the Nature of Dust by inkvoices Mature, no warnings, 1930s dust bowl AU: For as long as he can remember Clint has always been getting into trouble for seeing things that he shouldn’t, or rather for getting caught at it. Oklahoma, 1934, and this time trouble comes in the form of a girl. No Magic Would Save Me by arsenicarcher (Arsenic) Gen, mature, cntw: Once upon a time, an angel with the unlikely name of Pepper came to the circus, and took Clint away. some moments more spectacular than others by @quidnunc-life Mature, no warnings: When Janet suggests a team bonding event, Natasha thinks she means… an art gallery, a movie, even bowling. Something like that. Not the circus. Not clowns. Not falling head over heels for a professional circus archer with an affinity for purple, slushies, and purple slushies. Cover Another Black Eye by @lostemotion Clint/Nat, Clint/Bobbi, teen, some child abuse: History will dub it the summer of love. Natasha neither knows nor cares about love, never has, expects she never will, but history's got one thing right: it's the summer when everything changes. Natasha and the Amazing Hawkeye(s) by @freaoscanlin Gen, teen, no warnings: It starts because somebody orders a hit on the Amazing Hawkeye. No, not that Amazing Hawkeye. The other Amazing Hawkeye. scramble in the summer sky by paperclipbitch Kate/America, background Clint/&Nat, teen, no warnings: Kate’s first week, when she was still pretty sure this was a terrible idea and also not one that real people actually had – seriously, in the twenty-first century, who ran away with the circus – America came up to her three days in and said without preamble: “is anyone going to come looking for you, Princess?” Space AUs The Highest State of Friendship by inkvoices Teen, no warnings: A futuristic space AU in which bounty hunters Natasha and Clint aren’t married. Actually they’re supposed to be hunting each other. We Have Done the Impossible series by Telaryn Explicit, cntw, Firefly fusion, baby fic: Clint Barton and Natasha Romanoff were born - and in Natasha's case bred - to serve the Alliance. No one cared when they began sleeping together; under Alliance law an Operative like Natasha could take as many sexual partners as she liked so long as it didn't interfere with her duties. - A baby would interfere. In Two Straight Lines In Rain or Shine by OracleGlass Gen, no warnings, Firefly crossover: "On that barren dustball known as Budapest, Firefly picks up an odd pair of passengers. Homeward Bound: The Adventures of the USS Avenger in the Delta Quadrant by @alphaflyer Teen, no warnings, Star Trek fusion: Sent to track the rebel ship Black Widow and to try and persuade her captain and certain of her crew members to work with Starfleet in defeating the Chitauri invaders, the USS Avenger finds itself displaced to the other side of the galaxy. And that was before the Black Widow opened fire... No Straight Lines by anonymous Teen, no warnings, Firefly AU: “It's curved. You'd end up at the starting point.” Natasha pauses, tilts her head. “Space doesn't have an end,” she adds, trailing her fingers across his shoulders as she passes. Old school, post-2012, they all move into the Tower fics if you let me through the door we can let the world in by @geniusorinsanity Background parings, teen, no warnings: Tony Stark has always wanted a clubhouse. He gets something more than that. Exclusive by @copperbadge Canon pairings, teen, no warnings: Heroes In Manhattan: From Captain America's Hidden Talents To The Truth About The Hulk, We Debunk The Myths And Expose The Daily Lives Of The Avengers. In Great Transition by vain_glorious Teen, no warnings: One by one, the Avengers move into Stark Tower. well, let the drumbeat drop by jonesandashes and @pollyrepeat Gen, no warnings: Pepper leaves, and there’s no more pizza, and Thor’s already talked about Jane, and Tony suspects all of them realize, abruptly and simultaneously, that they actually have no idea what to do now. He is, in fact, pretty certain that they’re just a few minutes away from someone deciding to say something about the weather. It’s probably going to be him. Culture and Other Balls of Twine by LithiumDoll Gen, no warnings: “Okay, I realize this could appear to be poorly conceived - to those of limited vision - but what you have to understand is, I’ve actually just had the greatest, most outstanding idea ever.” Tony’s eyes searched heavenward and then he nodded soberly. “Yes, I believe history will consider this my triumph.” To Be Modified As Necessary by ignipes Background pairings, teen, no warnings: They only need ten rules to ensure (relatively) peaceful cohabitation. Experts at the Fall by @enigma731 Gen, no warnings: After the Battle of New York, Natasha just wants things to go back to normal. But that’s not so easy considering that normal means being a spy, and her partner’s decided to be a superhero instead. And it’s especially difficult when her new assignment from S.H.I.E.L.D. is to collect intel on the Avengers. Fics where Natasha isn't as confident as she likes to pretend to have a home by oceanofchaos Background/past pairings, gen, no warnings: She doesn’t need other people, but she’s beginning to think she might want them. She buries herself in her work instead. Bouncing Baby Sniper by vain_glorious Clint/Nat, Steve/Peggy, teen, no warnings: Clint is actually Peggy Carter's grandson. Favourite kinky fics Get Some by @eiluned Explicit, het anal, butt plug, DP: He had just taken a big drag of coffee, savoring the sugary leftovers at the bottom of his mug, when she turned to him and out of the blue said, "I want you to fuck me in the ass." Cue epic spittake. your mileage may vary by Nonymous Explicit, past abuse, latex, BDSM: Clint's not really sure how to handle this whole BDSM thing. Natasha's not really sure how to handle Clint Barton. But she's definitely gonna give it the ol' college try. Moving the Furniture by @copperbadge Steve/Natasha, mature, friends with benefits: Steve thinks about sex a lot, and he'd like to have some, if he could just stop being an idiot around the people he'd like to have it with. Dropping Glasses Just to Hear Them Break by @lostemotion Explicit, cntw: Clint's mission to kill the Black Widow ends up a disaster when he runs into a third party in the field and finds himself being turned from hunter to hunted. His former target offers her assistance, and soon he's in for a whole other brand of trouble. Favourite poly fics runaways are running the night by anothercover Clint/Nat/Bucky, other parings, explicit, cntw: Natasha, Nakia, Okoye, Jessica Jones, and Valkyrie are the War Dogs: an all-girl rock band navigating their sudden explosion of hard-won success. Clint is a stand-up comedian. Bucky works security. Good People by @paperairplanesopenwindows Clint/Nat/Laura, teen, no warnings: "You have ‘Thank God you didn’t die when SHIELD fell’ sex with your wife and partner once and then your partner runs for the hills and your wife turns into a lovesick teenager.” She's My Cherry Pie by sheis-theslayer Clint/Nat/Laura, Nat/Laura focus, explicit, no warnings: If Laura Barton has said it once, she has said it a thousand times: no one touches the food while she's cooking. Especially if it's her pies. But Natasha Romanoff never listens. Alliterative Domiciles by Vera_DragonMuse [series] Pepper/Tony/Bruce, Clint/Nat, cntw: Fluff, schmoop and Tower shenanigans Little Stranger by Not_You OT6, gen, pregnancy: Natasha is not fit to be a mother. She is bitterly aware of this, sitting on the closed lid of her toilet and watching another test come up positive. A Safety in the End by @cloud--atlas [series] Clint/Nat/Bucky, teen to explicit, cntw: The relationship adventures of Clint Barton, Natasha Romanov and James "Bucky" Barnes RedStar by @cloud--atlas [series] Clint/Nat/Bucky, teen, angst, musician AU: “Clint,” Kate says slowly as two figures emerge from the house, their shapes so achingly familiar Clint wants to wrap himself up in them and never, ever let go. “Are you friends with James Barnes and Natasha Romanov of fucking RedStar!?” this is how it began (this is the secret between) by @notcaycepollard Clint/Nat/Laura, mature, no warnings: "Laura's a translator for SHIELD," Natasha tells him. "We're keeping her." i am on a lonely road and i am travelling (looking for the key to set me free) by irnan Nat/Steve/Bucky, teen, no warnings: Wherein Natasha Romanov has a bucket list and a metaphorical feelings-cat, joins the Victoria Hand Rescue Society Inc, and is absolutely not dating either or both of her super-soldier BFFs from the 1940s, no matter what Nick Fury thinks. Friends and Ex-Lovers by @scifigrl47 Clint/Bucky/Nat, mature, no warnings: Natasha knows exactly what a good thing she's got. She just thinks it could be better Three Step by @copperbadge Nat/Steve/Bucky, mature, no warnings: "How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of three-way relationship?" Keeping Steve by @copperbadge Steve/Tony/Pepper, explicit, no warnings: The gifts from Tony and Pepper are nice, and Steve secretly likes showing off signs that he belongs to them -- until some offhanded teasing from Clint makes him wonder if they're gifts from his lovers or payment for services rendered. Hide and Seek by @cassiesinsanity Clint/Nat/Bucky, teen, no warnings: There are reasons you should never break into your friends' houses. Kate finds out one of them. Favourite fics 1000 words or less Slow and Simple Melody by limned Teen, no warnings: Today he isn’t expecting to find Natasha awake in the communal living room at two-thirty in the morning, but it’s a pleasant surprise. You Are My Sweetest Downfall by @nympheline Teen, mild angst: You know how Natasha’s hair is really long in Iron Man 2 and then for the Avengers it’s completely chopped off? I like to think that’s because she got hurt in a mission in between and loses her hair because of a really serious head injury and Clint’s just going to be a mess because she’s hurt and she won’t say much because she never does. And he tells her she’s beautiful anyway. tower of babel by @sweetwatersong Gen, no warnings: Someone very cleverly thinks up a spell to keep the Avengers from talking to each other. They've fallen victim to one of the classic villain blunders, though: Never underestimate Hawkeye. account rendered by Siria Gen, no warnings: Clint lies in the debrief. Favourite Clint/Laura fics Repair Work by igrockspock Clint/Laura, gen, no warnings: Clint says, “I'm retired. One hundred percent. Done with Avenging.” Laura says, “Will that be for five minutes, or for five days?” Fragments by @intosnarkness Clint/Laura, teen, no warnings: Clint Barton has brought home strays before, but never one as dangerous as Natasha Romanoff. small town girl by @topaz119 [series] Clint/Laura, teen to explicit, no warnings: “Oh, nice,” Laura said. “A smartass.” Holding Out For A Hero by @alphaflyer Clint/Laura, gen, no warnings: Cooper Barton pens an essay about his father; Laura does damage control. Clint helps (sort of). Topical: favourite trapped/isolated/quarantine fics Time, Baby by cat_77 Teen, cntw: A mission gone horribly wrong leaves Clint and Natasha trapped, injured, and suffering a slow death of suffocation. Time and each other: they have one and kind of need to steal some more of the other. Chasing the Light by Sarea Okelani (sarea) Teen, medical/quarantine/virus themes: A mission that goes awry tests two assassins and their partnership. Kate sets up Clint and Natasha How To Win Friends and Influence People by @cloud--atlas Gen, no warnings: For the prompt: Bookshop AU. One is bookseller/bookshop owner, the other a customer. Instead of talking one of them tries expressing feelings through the books they buy. Hawkeye's Pet Supplies by SneakyHuffelpuff Gen, no warnings: For the prompt: AU where Clint and Kate work at a pet supply store. Natasha is a frequent customer, and Kate is suspicious of her motives. Serendipity by silverfoxflower Teen, no warnings: "Why are you still in bed?" Kate demands, kicking at a corner of Clint’s mattress, which, rude. Why were girls and cats always so rude to him. By the Book by @alphaflyer Teen, no warnings: Clint Barton's love life isn't just a car crash, it's a multi-vehicle pile-up. Kate decides to lend a hand. Five of Clint’s Relationships that Kate Didn’t Approve of (And One That She Does) by @alphaflyer Teen, no warnings: Exactly what it says on the tin Poste Restante by @alphaflyer Teen, no warnings: The vials with live pathogens, alien prosthetics and ant colonies aren't the worst things Clint's friends drop off at his place for each other. Matters don't really get hairy for Kate until Natasha Romanoff shows up, with a heart-shaped box that says "Neuhaus". Favourite AUs Brown and Gold by Koren M (CyberMathWitch) Teen, no warnings, Dragonriders of Pern AU: What if they were different people in a different place and time? (A time that just happened to have dragons.) Soiree by ruby_caspar Teen, no warnings, a Georgette Heyer Regency AU: The Dowager Duchess known as the Black Widow is the talk of the ton - rich and mysterious, the only way to meet this elusive lady is through the equally mysterious Mr Barton… no light in this valley by trysts Teen, cntw, wild west AU: It was a good way to end a bad year, Clint figured. Tomorrow Then by @scribblemyname Teen, no warnings, reincarnation AU: Neither of them remembers where it started. There is eternity and the earth tilting in the heavens, but there is no beginning. They are not human enough yet for beginnings. Maps by @cloud--atlas Teen, cntw, reincarnation AU: Natasha won't let go, no matter what he becomes. Mr. & Mrs. Barton (Or: Why Natasha Sends Jennifer Aniston an Annual Apologetic Fruit Basket) by @geniusorinsanity Explicit, cntw, Mr. & Mrs. Smith AU: Boy meets girl. Boy and girl fall in love. Boy and girl get married. Boy and girl neglect to do background checks. Not a Day Goes By (Not a Single Day) by @intosnarkness [HSAU Theatre 'Verse] Gen, no warnings: A Coda: On the life and times of Clint and Natasha Yesterday, Upon the Stair by @intosnarkness Mature, cntw: When she was little Natasha had an imaginary friend. But like all little girls, she learned to forget him as she grew up. So imagine her surprise when one day she comes face to face with her old friend. And he's pointing an arrow at her heart. Talking Like Peter Lorre by @freaoscanlin Gen, no warnings: Clint has a very important question for fellow zoologist, Dr. Natasha Romanoff. Or: the AU where they’re all scientists in Antarctica and everybody is cold. All Under Heaven by @cloud--atlas Teen, cntw: Wherein Clint and Natalia are nature documentary filmmakers, filming for the BBC in Guilin, China. We Together Make A City by @cloud--atlas Mature, no warnings: Written for the prompt: Clint was/is a musician. Soft Landing by @cloud--atlas Teen, no warnings: Natasha Mends broken hearts. It's easy until it's not. Here I Dreamt I Was A Soldier by @sugarfey Mature, cntw: Bletchley Park, 1942: Women are recruited from across the country to decode enemy transmissions. The war stories of Maria Hill, Natasha Romanoff, Carol Danvers and Kate Bishop. Like campfires in the dark by @scribblemyname [series] Mature, cntw: There is nowhere to run, nowhere to escape the Great Strangeness creeping over the earth. They don't need to run. Clint Barton, Vampire Slayer by Sproid Mature, violence: The adventures of Clint Barton, Vampire Slayer. Or, how to be a Slayer while working for SHIELD and with the Avengers. Something that made you go: "Wow! This person knows what they are talking about!" Habeas Matrimonium by @crystallitanie Teen, no warnings: Five times Natasha Romanoff and Clint Barton pretended to be hitched (and one time... well) In The Service: Three Times Hawkeye Questions His Orders (And One Time He Doesn’t) by @alphaflyer Teen, cntw: Some Government jobs are more … complicated than others. Samsara by xahra99 Teen, no warnings: Burning down a monastery isn't the worst thing they've ever done. Natasha and Clint take on a mission in Tibet. Everything isn't quite as it seems... Domestic Clint/Natasha Junk Food and Dirty Socks: A Love Story by igrockspock Gen, no warnings: Clint and Natasha show their love in unusual ways. Exciting Adventures in Cohabitation by igrockspock Teen, no warnings: Clint and Natasha try to navigate the mundane problems of living together. Like how someone can't be bothered to pick up her damn socks, and somebody else keeps leaving empty milk cartons in the fridge. Friendship fics Frequently Asked Questions by Mad_Maudlin Clint&Kate, teen, memory loss: Today is Monday, March 18th. You started losing your memories yesterday. still officially lost by @pollyrepeat Clint&Coulson, teen, no warnings: “Barton has clearly imprinted on you,” Fury starts, and keeps talking right over Phil’s knee-jerk, horrified, “He has not,” to seal Phil’s doom by saying, “so I’ve decided that you’re going to take primary responsibility for him from now on.” something good waitin' down this road by defcontwo Clint&Kate, gen, no warnings: Hawkeyes' House Rules for Dog Ownership and Other Misadventures. Or: Clint, Kate, a dog, and a study in moving forward. When push comes to Chevre by @copperbadge Bucky&Various, gen, Bucky Barnes acquires a plot of land in Wakanda, buys some goats, grows peanuts and sweet potatoes, and fosters a wayward rhinoceros. That's it, that's the story. Silhouette by @mariana-oconnor Clint/Bucky, Steve&Bucky, Clint&Natasha, mature, cntw: After a mission in Mexico goes wrong, SHIELD Agents Barnes and Rogers are given the job of hunting down the notorious Hawkeye and the Black Widow, the only problem being: no one even knows what they look like. On the other side of the law, Clint's enjoying messing with their new SHIELD shadows, especially seeing how close he can get to Agent Barnes without him realising, but he makes the mistake of getting attached, and that makes everything more complicated. Best Kept Secret by AlchemyAlice Tony&Natasha, teen, no warnings: In which there is a secret friendship, and Tony can’t deal with feelings, so Natasha has to do it for him. These two features may or may not be related. Heartbreak and angst we were emergencies by @gyzym Explicit, cntw (please see story notes): It's not about being unmade; it's about remaking, one aching step at a time. This Bitter Earth by @cloud--atlas Teen, cntw, dystopia: The only beautiful things here are her and the stars. And he can’t reach the stars. White Blank Page by allisnow Mature, cntw: Debt is beautiful only after it has been repaid. Not Easily Conquered by dropdeaddream and WhatAreFears [series] Steve/Bucky, Steve/Peggy, Clint/Natasha, mature, cntw: “Ladies and gentlemen of the jury,” Peggy says, “These are the times that try men’s souls.” Warp and Weft by legete Mature, body horror: The muscle apparently talked a little much for Loki's liking. Now Natasha has to pick out the stitches. Favourite long!fic your blue-eyed boys by Feather (lalaietha) [series] and the related series [to see you there] (Clint/Nat, Bruce/Betty and Tony/Pepper) and (even if i could) make a deal with god (Steve/Bucky) Various pairings, teen to explicit, extensive warnings - please see tags, canon-divergent after WS: post-Winter Soldier recovery fic > Specifically: what i thought, what i said (Clint/&Natasha, Steve/Bucky, teen, no warnings) and [your albatross: carry it with no regrets] (Mature, no warnings: Five moments in Clint Barton's life.) To Be Vulnerable is Needed Most of All by perfect_plan Steve/Bucky, Clint/Nat, mature, mental illness and PTSD: Steve is a shy comic book artist and meets his new neighbour, Bucky Barnes. Hyperfocal Distance by @freaoscanlin Teen, cntw: The AU where Natasha is an investigative journalist and Clint has a camera and is pretty good at shooting things with it. we are for each other by @quidnunc-life Steve/Maria, Clint/Natasha, teen, post-Avengers, no warnings: SHIELD has fallen, and Steve and Natasha deal with the questions that fell with the Triskelion: who are they, and who do they want to be? Which parts of their pasts are they going to rescue from the rubble? Where do they belong? letting me in or letting me go by @quidnunc-life Teen, no warnings: Natasha Romanoff has worked hard to become a successful member of SHIELD Investigations, and her hard work pays off when she lands a major job investigating corporate espionage at Stark Industries with Clint Barton and his apprentice, Kate. Working with other people isn't Natasha's forte, and she has her reasons for preferring to work alone; but Clint is charming and Kate is irrepressible, and soon Natasha finds herself wrapped up in a case that could prove to shake the skeletons out of her closet and upend everything, including the friendship (or more?) that's started to develop between her and Clint. Agent, Archer, Widow, Spies by @alphaflyer [series] Teen, cntw, James Bond fusion, excellent mission fics. Brooklyn Baby by sprinkle_of_cinnamon Bucky/Steve, Clint/Nat, mature, no warnings, AU: In which Bucky is just trying to live life and enjoy his unofficial official table at the obnoxiously hipster coffee shop but some guy named Steve stole his spot. Or, the time that Bucky unintentionally befriended the Avengers and had no idea. but the sky is the same by @sweeter-than Teen, no warnings: Takes place one year after Clint makes the unexpected choice to bring Natasha Romanov in from the cold. They've become co-workers and acquaintances, but Natasha is still as much a mystery to Clint as she was on the day he was first sent to target her. A story about making friends and making choices, set against the backdrop of daily life at SHIELD.

#commstuff #Clintasha #clint barton #natasha romanoff #fic #fic recs #recathon #ot3

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ultravioletproxy · 4 years

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[Sona] Hine Cross (Proxy OC)

I've finally done it. I finally finished an actual sona reference up as well as finally completing a updated digital reference of HINE! I'm so very pleased with this and how my art has progress since his original reference, all those years ago... I actually was able to get up the energy to go fully in depth with his information and soon I'll get to his backstory comic going.

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Personality/ Mental State:

Basic summary; Hine is a VERY complex character. He has many layers to his personality which I'll try my best to explain. He is a quiet person with a lot on his mind, constantly bombarded with various thoughts which makes it hard for him to keep track of all that's going on around him. Hine "Zones/ Spaces Out" occasionally and does not realize that you're talking to him, he might even not respond to you in the middle of a conversation. All of these things may come off as rude; but he really doesn't mean to be. Later on in his timeline/ as he grows up, Hine becomes much more of an unstable person, laughing a little too loudly at things (and volume control in general), walking off in the middle of conversations, and tends to get a bit unhinged...

Hine has several mental disorders that can effect his personality:

⊗-Autism: Doesn't pick up on social cues, and it takes him a while to think of a response when in a conversion, in turn he pauses and stutters. With autism comes anxiety, if in a high strung social environment or decision, Hine may have a break down (Sitting down and grabbing his shoulders tightly), He does not let people see him break down, he will go to a private area to try and cool down before coming out into view and acting perfectly fine. This luckily, doesn't happen often as he's trying to cope with his social anxiety. During a conversation Hine may accidentally say something that he doesn't mean, like a mess up of words(Saying something unintentionally mean as he just didn't think how it would sound when spoken or combining two words together.)

⊗-Compulsive liar: He doesn't ever mean to lie, a lot of the times he feels as though a lie is safer than telling the truth and before he even knows what he's done, the person has accepted the lie as truth and he's too afraid to tell them that his response was false. This stemmed from abuse during his life at the orphanage. He currently is trying hard to pull away from this.

⊗-Minorly a Paranoid Schizophrenic: Sometime this disorder makes him feels like everything and everyone has an ulterior motive, even though the thought is completely irrational. Hine mentally beats himself up for having these kinds of thoughts as he feels like he's betraying his loved ones/ friends. The thoughts themselves tend to be of a violently disgusting nature as they try to convince him that everyone is lying. He rarely witnesses hallucinations, mostly just little shadowy things in his peripheral vision.

⊗-Hypochondriac: Do to being mixed with a Slender, and his fear of dying, he constantly feels like his body will just give out on him, or that any sickness no matter how minor will end up killing him in one way or another, he's very paranoid of random aches and pain, irrationally telling himself to accept the fact that he's just going to die.

⊗-Sociopathic Tendencies: Hine has a hard time grasping that other people are just like him and have emotions, thoughts, and a consciousness. He tries quite hard to convince himself that other people are essentially sentient like him.

⊗-Unintentionally Manipulative: When living in the orphanage Hine was treated poorly due to his lack of social abilities and therefore was mostly ignored by the caretakers and fellow children. He desperately tried to figure out ways in order to be able to get a break from the constant chores and duties that he was given since he would not participate in being social with the others. He(not exactly intentionally) developed ways to read people in order to get what he wanted, again, not in a particularly malicious manner. More of just a way of survival.

Habits/ Quirks, Likes, and Dislikes:

⊗-Quirks/ Habits: Hine has quite a few funny little habits. One being collecting, he just adores collecting various things from silverware, to plushies, to seashells, really anything he finds the least bit intriguing and holding sentimental value. He is a little bit of a pack-rat you could say. He also has a bit of a compulsion to essentially "preen" or "groom" himself. For instance; cleaning under his nails, picking fuzz off a shirt, or even idly pulling hairs. He also has a lot of trouble finishing hot drinks, particularly coffee as he tends to forget about them, they get cold, and then he's too lazy to heat them up. Hine is mostly nocturnal as bright lights make him disorientated. Another not so good habit include Stress Smoking developed from watching a certain Slender and a friend smoke and seeing how it relaxed them. He occasionally delves into cannabis (Once Mr.KittyKitty comes around) due to the many medical benefits it has, such as anxiety relief, being more talkative, painkillers, motivation, or to calm him down.

⊗-Likes: He loves long walks alone in nature, particularly next to streams/ rivers either in silence or with music. He loves listening to the wind through the pines, the birds chirping, the sound of rain hitting the underbrush, and classical music. He loves pickled foods/ the taste of vinegar, as well as eating, and cooking in general. He tends to be rather indecisive about his favorite foods as he likes way too many, although salt and vinegar chips, popcorn, pomegranates, and cherries are a few of his favorites. His favorite drinks are Earl Grey Tea and Shirley Temples. Animals he adores are Bears, Raccoons, Ferrets, Ravens, Barn Owls, Coral Snakes, and Cats. He absolutely loves to draw, he makes his own characters and story lines, he also delves into other artistic feats such as crafting, painting with water colors, and sewing. A good book/ movie in the supernatural or horror genre will keep him content for hours. He loves dark humor, and coming up with ridiculous jokes(Blaming that on L.J.), and has a penchant for spouting the most random of facts. He really loves to talk to others and tries his best to keep up with them even though he has a hard time figuring out a response a lot of the time. Lastly, he has a weird enjoyment for the smell of disinfectant chemicals and has a particularly strange fixation on tornadoes...

⊗-Dislikes: He very much dislikes crowded areas, physical interactions, cities, thunder/ loud noises. He's not too fond of overly cutsie things. He can't stand highly sweetened foods or drinks (Candy, Cakes, Chocolate); once in a while/ a craving is fine, but he'd much rather take a bite of fruit. He doesn't care for baking all that much except for making breads at which he's none too shabby at. He doesn't care for bright colors unless they're mixed with dark ones.

Relationships:

⊗-Significant Other: Is in a delightfully happy relationship with flannelRaptors's Character, Johnny.

⊗-Slenders: When he was young, Hine ran away from the orphanage, he found his way into the forest where lovely Splendorman welcomed him with open arms and tendrils. Soon after, Slenderman himself took interest in Hine and became some sort of a strange father figure to him. The other Slenders joined in with helping take care of Hine. Trender helped his practical artistic side, while Splendor helped him understand his emotions, social cues, and tame his wild mental health state, Slender was his stable rock, and Offender schooled him in street smarts and how to deal with the "real" world.

⊗-Other Creepies: As a quiet person, Hine mostly sticks to himself, however if the opportunity presents itself, he absolutely loves talking to and learning about other people's pasts, Likes, etc.

Basic Background Summary:

⊗-Past: When Hine was young his parents were murdered by a trusted family friend they’d met from the church they attended. This person in turn, kidnapped and tortured Hine for quite some time, until Hine was eventually freed. However, as a mentally scarred young boy, shipping him off to an orphanage didn't really bode too well and he eventually ran away to join the Slenders' care and eventually became a "Proxy" to Slenderman.

Basic Background Summary:

⊗-Appearance: Hine has many abilities as shown above, however there are a lot more details and catches than what's written on the reference sheet. As the acronym may explain, Hine does not have any eyes. In an accident in which Hine almost died, Slenderman gave Hine an essential blood transfusion. The Slender blood, being incredibly aggressive, took over a good chunk of Hine's DNA giving him not only Eyeless vision, but also tendrils, an extra set of blood vessels, and a whole new horrible form.

Slender Affected Abilities:

-Hine can still see, but he now has what is called "Slender Vision" which is a 360-degree sight range, meaning he can see in all directions at once, ultimately maddening when first getting used to it. This is one of the reasons why Hine is constantly distracted. The range of sight and focus can be altered however it is rather difficult to do so as he was not born with the ability. Most of the Slenders can see a good mile or so around them while Hine has a shorter, about 50 ft range. Hine, not used to his new vision, rarely turns his head to look at objects that he is focusing on, due to there not being a focal point of eyes, therefore he tends to come off even more blank and emotionless than he really is.

-Hine's tendrils are hidden beneath his skin in what are called "Ports". Hine has a total of eight "ports", 4 on each side of his back. The tendrils can painfully be pushed through his skin at will, ultimately piercing through his back. He's supposed to constantly leave them out so the holes can seal up around them (much like a piercing would), but to do that he would have to keep out of sight from all other non-slender beings, as him being half slender is a well-guarded secret. The tendrils can lengthen and split apart to form thinner smaller pieces due to their "braided nature". However, in the early stages all of Hine's slenderification, his abilities are all INCREDIBLY clumsy.

-Other attributes Hine’s gained include, but are not limited to: heightened versions of all the senses, Moderately increased strength and speed. A bit of an iron stomach (ex: can eat raw meat), and more advanced healing rates (the less severe the slower it heals).

-With all these benefits came quite a few negatives. For instance, until he gets used to it, Hine's depth perception and hand eye coordination is completely off. His two blood types sometimes mix and therefore cause him to become incredibly ill for short periods of times, his varying blood colors also result in a pale yellowish grey complexion. Hine’s body has an unnatural slimness to it; he experiences continuous, nonstop increase in height in addition to having disproportionately long and lengthened arms and legs.(He has to make his own custom clothing.) Due to these things Hine suffers from minor growing pains as well as occasional cravings for human meat/ flesh. (Inherited from the dietary nature of the Slenders)

I applaud you if you read this all! Here's a TLDR version of this massive piece:

Hine is a mentally and physically scarred orphan who grew up with all the Slenders as his family. He came close to death at some point, but Slenderman saved him by transfusing his own blood into Hine, resulting in a well-hidden secret. Hine got really cool abilities with a few pretty bad side effects and is now an official Slenderman Proxy.

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⊗-Terms of Service-⊗

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bbrandy2002 · 5 years

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The Breakfast Club

Chapter Two

What happens when five Cordonian teens-a dispirited Prince, an orphaned Duchess, a rowdy Lord, a noble hating Rebel, and a free spirited Dreamer-are forced to spend a Saturday together, figuring out just who they are.

Disclosure: Will contain mentions of drug and alcohol abuse, overdose, cancer and death.

Catch up on Chapter one

@lodberg @timmagicktoad @choiceslife @silversparrow02 @stopforamoment @drakeandcamilleofvaltoria @thisperfectmemory @kingliam2019 @sirbeepsalot @katedrakeohd @moneyfordiamonds @pedudley @jemrmax2love @drakensword @emceesynonymroll @romanticatheart-posts @fromthedeskofpaisleybleakmore @carabeth @dcbbw @ao719 @burnsoslow

Chapter 2

Drake hunches down in a dark alley as increasing paranoia sweeps across his smooth, facial features. He tries to slow his breathing and steady his hands. He studies his dark surroundings before peaking at the barely lit corner of the store he just left. He waits a moment in quiet anticipation to ensure he wasn’t caught, before reaching down his pants to recover a cheap bottle of whiskey.

Night has fallen on Cordonia and a warm, summer drizzle has just started to fall. He pulls up the hood on the back of his gray sweatshirt, attempting to keep the rain and its steady drops from running down his brown locks and streaming along his nose.

He looks down at his prize and admire’s the effort he put into getting it. To him, it’s the one good thing about his day; a day he wishes he could forget every year.

He recalls a time when today would be filled with a camping trip to the lake. His dad made the best smores; the outside of the marshmallow was always a perfect golden brown. He can practically smell the smoke coming from the freshly cut, oak wood, and how it always teased his senses. His mother’s laughter would echo through the valley in melodic harmony, god did her voice cast a peaceful spell on him. His little sister would complain of boredom…she hated everything about the outdoors. She has always been annoyed by everything he took pleasure in, however, he felt the same of her aspirations of riches and royalty.

His dad would take him out on a cheap, metal boat he had purchased many years ago. He would load a cooler full of beers and soda. The two of them would settle back in their hard plastic seats, admiring the stillness of the water and the warmth on their flesh. They would sit on that lake all day, talking about life, telling jokes, and swapping tales of fish they had caught. It was those moments Drake lived for; his dad referred to them as “the moments in between”. Drake took pride in not only spending time with his family, but, watching the unease his dad carried on his face, melt away, if but for only a little while.

He pulls out at gold pocket watch with “JW” engraved on one side and the Cordonian royal crest on the other. He stares at the crest, remembering the sacrifices his father and his family made for the crown.

His dad received the watch after saving the King from an assassination attempt. Drake sneered wondering what the reward was for dying for his precious majesty; presumably, it was nothing. Drake snorted hard through his nose, arched his neck, then spit on the symbol that represented the beginning of his own personal hell on earth.

Jolted from his thoughts by the roar of approaching thunder, he licks his lips in anticipation of the burn he would soon feel. Hopefully within the hour he would feel- nothing.

He would take another glance around before breaking the cap on the bottle. He brings it just barely to his lips and closes his eyes, “Happy fucking birthday Drake”, he mutters to himself. He tilts the bottle upwards and allows its contents to settle smoothly down his throat. He waits for it to hit the pit of his stomach, then falls backwards onto the hard, wet pavement, settling his back against the rough bricks. He bends one knee upward and places the hand clenching the bottle on top. He takes another hard swig and stops when the sound of voices are heard from the opposite end of the alley. “Shit, cops.” He stealthily screws the cap back and forces it down his pants. As he stands, the crinkling of paper and old leaves gathers their attention. A flash of light hits Drake’s face, blinding him.

He turns and runs with a speed and quickness that he has trained himself for. He’s in a fight- or- flight situation now and fleeing is his favorite coping mechanism. He hears them shout behind him as he rounds the corner. He weaves and dodges through the sea of faces on this busy Cordonian street. He doesn’t notice the stares, he just sets his focus on an opportunity to cross through the maze of cars speeding by. There it is. Like lightning, he whips himself over into the traffic, blatantly disregarding his safety. A car suddenly stops to a halt as he passes by. On the other side he sets sights on another alley. Almost there. He wipes the rain from his face while splashing through a puddle. The water has gotten into his shoes and the sloshing on his feet is unsettling.

He gathers his thoughts to glance back as he enters the alleyway. He crouches behind a storage receptacle as he watches two cops run by. He celebrates the small victory to himself as he places his hands on top of his head and tilts it back, willing his breathing to return to normal.

Drake waits for the coast to be cleared before nonchalantly walking back out onto the bustling streets. It was never supposed to be like this, this life he had been forced to live. He missed his dad more than anything in the world and stayed pissed off with a mother who left him and his sister behind. His custodial parent worked early in the morning until well past darkness…for that mother fucking crown of all things.

As he walks, he forces the sadness and anger that builds up in stomach away. He puts both hands in his pockets and suddenly realizes something is missing. He pats his pant legs and then his waistband; he twists around searching the ground around him for the golden time piece. It feels as if the air from his lungs deflate, he can feel his eyes start to water….it was the only thing he had left of him.

The sudden tug at the back of his shirt collar stops his moment of sorrow. So close. He slowly turns and looks up with unsettled remorse to find his captor.

“Drake”.

He sighs loudly and looks away in shame, “Bastien”.

***

Laying flat on his back, he raises one arm to shield the heat and brightness of the overhead lamp. As soon as the hot needle makes the first indention into his skin, Maxwell flinches sharply. He raises his head and peaks out from under his arm; he wants to know if the burly looking artist is finished yet. The man looks at Maxwell, raises his eyebrow and tells him to relax, its going to be a while.

Maxwell rests his head back on the flattened pillow and covers his eyes again. “My Little Hippo”, remembering the moment his dear mother called him that for the first time, causes his face to contort. One corner of his lips curls up, but, Maxwell quickly attempts to compose himself. He doesn’t know why, but, he didn’t want the tattoo artist to see it.

Maxwell thinks about the last time he saw his mother. She maybe weighed 80 pounds at the time of her death; her long suffering illness took a toll on her. She found out she had colon cancer two years ago following that years Beaumont Bash. His father insisted the family continue their weekly extravagant, partying lifestyle; her needs were not as important as his image.

His father, Barthelemy was never a strict man, but, he loved his booze, his drugs and his women. He lined his study with the trophies, ribbons and awards that he pushed his sons to earn. The Beaumont Legacy was always on the line and failure was not an option. Although he allowed his sons to partake in this lifestyle at a young age, their business acumen was important. Bertrand followed in his footsteps and attended the Cordonia School of Business; a prestigious school to say the least. When Maxwell took the entrance exam his previous junior year, he didn’t even come close. Barthelemy had only scolded Maxwell twice in his life…the first time for gaining 25 pounds and the second for failing that entrance exam.

His father’s way of rectifying Maxwell’s weight was through incessant teasing. He assumed if he called him fatty, pig and blubber enough, Maxwell would mold himself back into that perfect son. Barthelemy had no time or patience for having a “fat son”.

When Maxwell flunked his entrance exam, his father didn’t yell at him. He would shame him again with words, such as, stupid, lazy and a failure, in hopes he would again conform to his wishes. Maxwell has never had a desire to attend that school, he wants to write, to dance, to just be his own creative self. The words of his father, however, stung and would leave an imprint on his psyche.

Barthelemy died four months ago at a yacht party in the Mediterranean following a drug overdose from a mix of cocaine, pills and excessive hard liquor.

His brother would lose his sense of self and vow to continue the Beaumont legacy, after all, failure, again was not an option.

Alice Beaumont was the opposite of her husband. Bertrand and Maxwell were her pride and joy….her babies. Her marriage was a lonely one, but, being a mother was her everything. Bertrand held her hand and Maxwell rubbed her bare head when she passed from this world to the next just last month. With so much to do, now Duke Bertrand has no time to grieve and he resents Maxwell for it to this day. Where Barthelemy left off, Bertrand took over. Where the humorous, good natured Alice left off, Maxwell took over. Just like the terrible marriage his parents had, Bertrand and Maxwell have accustomed themselves to their new roles. There are days this relationship is poisonous to both.

The pain in Maxwell’s reddened chest is nearly unbearable, but, it is a way to remind him of his importance…even if he still struggles to believe it. The tattoo artist tells Maxwell not to touch it, but, as soon as he turns to reach for the gauze, the urge is too great. “Damn”, he says with a pained flinch. The artist shakes his head.

Maxwell walks out of the shop, feeling a little worse for wear. He reaches into his front pocket for his pair of Gucci Aviators to shield himself of bright sun. He ponders for a moment who he’ll drink with tonight, when he notices a girl in a white, long ruffled dress. She is leaned up against a green lamp post, playing a guitar, next to his red sports car.

Her hair is a long golden brown that flows in loose curl down her back. He stumbles over his feet as he makes every attempt to glide towards her. She notices him approaching and stops playing; her smile radiates across her face and he would swear she is glowing.

“Hey!” she says with a chipper voice.

“You’re really good at that”, he replies as he motions to her old wooden guitar.

She lowers her head down and lifts the instrument out towards him, “I can teach you, ya know.”

Maxwell shuffles his feet, maybe he will change his plans for the evening. He moves his hand out to her with a big smile, “Maxwell Beaumont”.

She returns his smile, and reaches out for his hand with her own, “Riley Brooks”.

Read on in Chapter 3

#the royal romance #choices trr #trr drake #trr fanfic #maxwell beaumont #bertrand beaumont #drake walker #riley brooks

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commaless-a · 4 years

Text

*. meta - relationship with death

from my archmage’s bane meta:

then she fucking dies – and oh god, that’s a whole can of worms to unpack – she’s dead, when she revives she isn’t in her halfling body – and her relationship with death is VERY complicated: she thinks she’s expendable, especially because she’s in a body she HATES – she’ll fling herself in front of all of her friends, but at the same time she doesn’t WANT to die for the sake of her family – i wouldn’t be surprised if she’s desensitized to it, and that’d explain a lot about her taking the blow for jester, running on lava, and what she said before the dreadnought. “i’ve already died once – if i die again, at least it’d be with friends” – it’s a weird balance between “i’m invincible” and “i’m expendable”.

so, hey, it is i, your little goblin girl’s biggest fan - and i want to ramble about nott’s relationship with death for a hot second... so let’s get RIGHT into this!

tldr: why she doesn’t really care about dying: 1. nott has bad self-esteem and prioritizes her friends 2. she wants to be important to the nein 3. she feels her body is expendable 4. she feels invincible 5. she’s desensitized to the notion of dying.

what does she feel about death?: 1. initially, she’s ABSOLUTELY terrified. 2. eventually - she’s sort of... indifferent to it?

as we all know, nott suffers from an extremely low self-esteem - she doesn’t like herself, not in the slightest - though the reasons why have changed, over time. when it’s started: she’s hating herself for being a goblin, for having died in the first place, for not being pretty, or smart, or brave, or anything - just nott - someone who, in her eyes, is an untalented, waste of space who won’t amount to anything. and she takes this to an extreme level - she sacrifices herself for her friends no matter how badly she’s hurt or how bad the situation’s in, and it’s exacerbated with how often she’s called to check for traps and pick locks. even if she’s good at that - she’s terrified of the consequences that may happen when she fails - and as an alchemist, she’s used to thinking up terrible, worst-case scenarios. she throws herself in front of her friends and puts herself in stressful and deadly situations, all for them - because she believes she’s not worth much - that her friends are so much better than her - and she puts herself on the lowest rung of the hierachy. this ties into her passionate loyalty for her friends - she’ll stick up for them, defend them and be on their side, no matter what - but at the same time, she will fling herself into danger when they are in the way of actual physical harm - or will be in the way of.

now, she hates herself - not for being a goblin, though of course that’s still part of the reason why - but it’s now because of much more heavy reasons: for being selfish, being conflicted - and having been normal, before - she now knows very well she’s more than just nott - she’s brave and good with a bow and good at picking locks - but there’s a seed already planted in her head that she was once just veth - that once she was a normal, humdrum halfling in a family she loved and a culture she couldn’t get invested in - and it haunts her very much - that once this is over, once they defeat tharizdun and the chained oblivion and the bad people who hurt caleb and change herself back and fix everything - that she’ll be ‘just veth’ again, that she’ll be all alone again, with nothing she loves and nothing she cared about. she wants to be useful. she wants to be something special to the nein - wants to help her friends achieve their goals and accomplish whatever they want to do - and this definitely ties in a lot to her hierarchy way of thinking.

so, what have we learnt, with the relation of her self-esteem to death?

1. she doesn’t like herself; she believes her friends are more important than her, and acts accordingly 2. she wants to be special and important to the nein - and what better way than to do what she does best, putting herself into danger to protect them?

wait, though - there is so much more! like i said before - nott is in a goblin body - a race that she hates ( for a very good reason, of course ) - and i would be lying if i said that did not feed into her low self esteem. after all, this is coming from “they made me everything i thought i was - not pretty, not smart [...] just nott.” - and, again - with such hatred for her physical appearance, such hatred for her current identity - she believes that her feelings about getting into danger are perfectly justified: she’s not in the right body, so she doesn’t have to take care of it - she can do whatever she wants with it, her body’s expendable - and therefore it doesn’t matter what she does. this is a very unhealthy train of thought - this definitely lends into why she takes to drinking so easily as a coping mechanism - and that way of thinking definitely influences how daredevilish she is. it’s not a matter of being brave - sometimes, it’s just a matter of being reckless. of course, take note that i say her body - because she of course, doesn’t WANT to die - especially when in relation to her family, in the beginning.

with the matter of this current life being so much more exciting/dangerous that her odl life - she’s swinging into two extremes: fear and desensitization - of course, she’s fucking terrified - she’s the d&d equivalent of a rural village mother who’s been traumatized and tossed into a world where she suddenly finds herself with the need to fight to survive - but fear isn’t good - we know her relationship with fear: she doesn’t think it’s useful for her to do what she has to do with relation to her friends - that it stops her from doing things that need to be done: from fighting monsters, picking locks, checking for traps, infiltrating places they shouldn’t be in, etc, etc - so, instead, she swings onto the COMPLETE other side of that spectrum - she completely numbs herself to it. death scares her - adventuring scares her - but because of the, ironically, fear of fear, she pushes it down and makes herself numb to it - and coupled with her very, very normal morals - she often is up for violence - is vicious and ferocious and cruel when she fights. she’s hardly affected by other monsters dying - by humans dying - because they’re bad, and that’s just how adventuring is - sometimes you kill people that get in the way - and by extension, when it comes to her death - when it comes to others dying -

it’s upsetting to say that she’s grown numb to it, too - and it definitely doesn’t help, with the fact that the group has revivify and the very trivial way they treat death ( it’s okay, we’ll revive him later, it’s okay, i have a diamond ) - death feels impermanent to her. this can feed into the other reason - she feels invincible, and is very desensitized to death, at least, at current time. throughout the early parts of the campaign - nott is very quick to FREAK and run to stabilize/heal whoever who’s unconscious - and molly’s death carried such a heavy impact on her - but now, with the clerics having revivify, with the people being stronger - the only time she’s really freaked out is when caduceus dies - and the main reason for that was because she was the one who caused his death - not the monsters - but the fact that she had killed an ally - a friend.

and of course, she never gets to talk about that, because they sort of lost track of that - and so she buries all of that down and jokes about it - further solidifying that desensitized way of looking at death.

how does she feel about death, though?

death, to her - feels like everything and nothing at once. the impact of the hurt - the pain, the burning - it sends her into a flashback of the senses of her FIRST death of drowning ( which is of course the main reason why i’ve been comparing death to drowning a lot in a meta sense ) - but death is... nothing, like - literally nothing. no thought, no feeling - nothing.

and it’s weird.

of course, at first - she is absolutely fearful of death - which is fine, as she should - she’s a normal person who’s been tossed into the adventurer life. its terrifying - and how could it not? the sheer notion that something is so powerful that it can rip your life out from under you, that it could take away all of your life from you and throw it away, turn your life upside down - it’s happened once to her, and really, she doesn’t know what would happen if it happens again. downright fearful - especially with water: have you seen her scared of rain and water - when caleb goes into the bath and she’s so timid and sad when she says “i just got used to you and now you’re going to change, too”? it hurts to die - and when the prospect of others dying - of her dying, is brought up, she is fucking TERRIFIED.

being terrified of change and desiring control over her life - over her own narrative - is very, very integral to her character. but what about now? with the experiences she has - with the things she’s seen... how is she with death, now?

she’s gotten used to it - mainly because of how it’s treated around her - people revive dead people when they fall down - the sheer amount of times people have fallen but are perfectly fine in the end, she’s gotten used to it, unfortunately - with how often she’s encountered death in this career, compounded with the fact she’s died before - she’s beginning to think that death is... sort of - not a big deal, anymore.

death’s something tragically comfortable to her, now. at least death is constant - death doesn’t change, unlike how turbulent her life is. it’s uncomfortable, painful, stuffy, and she hates dying, still - but it’s in a weird way, dependable. she dies again - and though she dies in shock and in trepidation - she, eventually, embraces it - and it came to the point that she almost didn’t come back to life - that she was accepting it, that she refused to come back.

...but, of course - the two times she’s died, she was forcibly returned to life - which sort of just, adds a whole new layer onto ‘dependable’. how would she feel when she isn’t returned to life? probably panicked. i feel everything would come rushing back - like “oh. oh. i’m. i’m actually dead. oh no. oh no oh no oh no -”

so! there we have it!

#*. THEY’RE ALL SO SHIFTY. / META #( me overanalyzing nott: wow someone get her a goddamn therapist )

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onigarbage · 4 years

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did

I have Dissociative Identity Disorder. In response to trauma, my core personality separated and eventually I came along. I’m not what people would call the core, I just happen to be the current host. I have 10 alters currently, alters are the different personalities. There are Persephone and Jasper, a married couple. Up until last month, Persephone went by Percy. There are Marc and Lily, brother and sister. There are Jake and Nero, a couple, both dormant, however. There’s Alistair, a fictive from my own writings. There’s also James a member of the vulture culture community who loves bees. Then there’s Mars who’s also dormant, and finally, there’s Salem.

“It’ll take some time, but somewhere down the line, we won’t be alone.”

I watched my fingers type as if it were a film, words popped up on the screen. “I feel like we're dying out here sometimes, it’s like no matter where we go we're dying.” Persephone was right. We were dying up here. Here I was, trapped in my own body once more. Watching someone else take control. I was fine with it, I had become used to it.

“The ocean washed over your grave.”

When I was little, I was very tall. I was 4’7” by the time I was 5. I was also ahead of my time. Adults loved me, my peers, not so much. Up until 3rd grade, I was very talkative, even through the abuse I had suffered. I was fine. I won’t divulge that trauma, at least. But the Summer of ‘08 changed me. It must’ve been the year the stock market crashed because my family moved from a nice home in Romeo to a trailer. A trailer that had a leaky roof, a trailer that had smoke leaking from a socket one night, a trailer that doesn’t have electricity in parts of it. It was home. It was also the year my mother attempted suicide.

“I want a cutscene, I want a cut from your face to my face, I want a cut, I want the next related video.”

After that, I began to have “imaginary friends.” The only thing was weird about them was that they could sometimes “possess” me. That’s not exactly how it works but honestly, that’s how my child-brain worked. This is called dissociative identity disorder, formerly called multiple personality disorder. I had only 4 alters then, now I have 10. I also coped by lying, I tried to make myself more interesting than I was. I grew out of it by the time I hit high school, I had lost and regained friends. My closest being Peter. I loved my friends dearly more than anything, but soon things turned sour.

“I didn’t like you anyways. You always spoke so quiet.”

It was by 10th grade when I started hearing voices again. It was by 10th grade when Peter and I began dating. It was by 10th grade when everything began crumbling. In 10th grade I had started going to therapy, I wanted to figure out what these voices were but I was too embarrassed to tell anyone. So instead I developed a relationship with my therapist and focused on my ADHD. I started taking a plethora of drugs, against my fears of becoming like my parents. They made me very tired, every day after school I began sleeping. During the week I would see myself fighting with Peter. It was all an out of body experience. I found out his name was Marc, he left notes for me. While on a date with Peter I discovered Lily, Peter thought I had age regressed. It was in the shower when I discovered V, he changed me that day. V was a bad person at the time. He’d terrorize Lily, who was only 9. He’d terrorize me in disgusting ways that I dare not tell anyone about. But when he changed we welcomed him. V no longer took the form of a demon but a man with long white hair and big blue beautiful eyes and an even bigger nose. He changed his name to Klaus. My friends soon found out about my alters. Thanks to a then stranger, now good friend Jaden. Jaden found out first, he knew from my Vent profile. Then Peter and Jason found out, but I was most scared to tell my friend Stevie. I felt I had betrayed her in the past and didn’t want to do it again.

“I was up late last night!!” Klaus said talking to Stevie as we walked to our math class.

“Yeah I know,” she replied then paused, realizing her mistake. Klaus smiled to himself, so she knew? He thought.

"I saw you again last night you were hiding in a poor man's body. But I saw your soul slip out of his fingers”

Things turned sour fast. I remember being in my history class when everything started. Stevie had posted on Vent that I was abusive. Panic had flooded my chest, my cheeks burned, and tears welled up in my eyes. To think that I was abusive. She then later posted that she would pretend to be uncomfortable if Peter and I had any public displays of affection. I went to the bathroom and sobbed that hour. Then the rest of the day, I don’t remember. Lily had fronted to save me from having to deal with it all. Peter and Stevie began spending more time, I turned nasty from all the stress. From walking on eggshells out of fear of being called abusive to dealing with constant voices who occasionally “possessed” me. I even had to deal with homework and abuse at home. I was stressed back then, and I took it out on him. I accused him of sleeping with Stevie even. By the time we reached 11th grade Stevie started avoiding me, Jason grew apart and Peter broke up with me. By 12th grade I had finally turned things around with Jaden, we stopped being strangers and became friends. We bonded over memes about our deteriorating mental health and the passion we had for the stories we worked on. This was the year I met Ms. Bourlinghaus, who became a mother to me. At the start of the year, seeing Peter gave me panic attacks and made me want to rip my flesh off.

“Don’t worry! You and me won’t be alone no more.”

I fell in love, twice that year. I don’t remember who I dated first. DID does that to your memory, in fact, I don’t remember anything really before 9th or 10th grade except for my mother’s suicide attempt. But I digress. I fell in love twice that year. I fell in love with a boy named Elliot and a girl named Eve. Both were amazing even though both lasted what I estimate to be a week. Mars even made a pizza with green peppers that were made into a heart for Elliot. We went to see End Game together. Eve and I only talked about kissing, planning to do it where nobody saw us. We joked about kissing by the Chuck E Cheese car ride. We were weird teenagers, well, normal teenagers actually.

Elliot broke up with me because of my age, we’re only a year apart, however, it made him uncomfortable. That’s okay. We still talk to this day. Eve realized that she was a lesbian part way through our relationship, or at least that’s my theory. We also still talk to this day. I consider both of them to be two of my closest friends.

“You never stopped smoking, but I forgive you. My words and my heart were not enough to give you”

I was 17 when I started vaping. My friends Luke and Zack were doing it so why not me too? I started at 50 nic, which is about 3 and a half cigarettes. Or at least I think, I don’t know anything about cigarettes. Or vaping for that matter. When I turned 18 I became more firm in who I was. I came out to my parents as transgender, my mom had always shrugged it off as me pretending to be someone I’m not, my stepdad has always accepted me but didn’t see why I cared about the surgeries.

"I wish I was sober, I can’t get off the ground."

A revelation, I am killing myself. With all the weed and smoking. We aren’t dying up here of loneliness but of ourselves. Night after night I’ve induced manic episodes from getting too high. Each night I think of myself as a god. Mostly I’m a fire god, able to feel fire without burning myself. These manic episodes started a few weeks after I was diagnosed with bipolar. My life goes up and down it seems. Caffeine doesn’t help, sugar doesn’t help. Nothing I ate really helped with the mood swings. I feel broken. I want my story to end with hope, not despair.

“Apologies to future mes and yous.”

I sometimes wonder if I can be better than I am now. If I’m destined to smoke forever. If I’ll always have manic episodes on the weekends. If my life is a constant back and forth between depressed and manic with no balance between both of them. It’s been raining all week, but just now as I type this there’s the sun shining through my window. Everything exists in cycles after the rain comes the sun. Maybe this is just my rain, maybe this storm will last for a few more days or even a few more years. I know now that someday the storm will end and I will see the sun. Then again, I’ve always loved getting caught in a storm.

“This is a version of me and you that can exist outside of everything else, and if it is just a fantasy, then anything can happen from here.”

A final note:

All quotes separating text are lyrics from Car Seat Headrest. I’ll include a playlist of songs that I’ve sampled these quotes from. Thank you for reading. http://bit.ly/2WAlYMW

#writing #writers on tumblr #DID #car seat headrest #dissociative identity disorder #memoir

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