My Lawyer Dio AU
I just want to clarify that I looked the characters up and researched if their birthdays were established. I’m keeping the canon ones and just made up some for those who don’t have a specified birthday.
We all know that Dio finished law school by the time he was 20 or 21 years old and 120/121 by the time Giorno was four. So I’ll just take this and move everything to the “modern” time.
Which basically means that Jonathan and Dio were born in 1967/68 instead of 1867/68.
But first of all, I’d like to specify that Stands still exist and Jonathan has his wonderful Hermit Purple but with roses. I’ll come up with a name later, I guess.
Also, since Jonathan is very much alive, Dio has his own body and is therefore still his canon height (185cm/6 ft 1 in)
To elaborate further:
Jonathan was born on April 4, 1968
He was 20 in Part 1, so I’ll just keep that in this AU as well. Only difference is that it’s 1989.
Now, I like to think that Dio’s older despite coming to the family later, which is really funny. Like, imagine you’re an only child until one day your father adopts a boy who’s like a year older than you and you end up having an older brother who’s the total opposite of you.
Since there’s no specific birthday, I’ll just make something up. Sooo… Dio: January 2, 1967
Obviously, this is also mudad, so I’m keeping his sons’ canon birth dates. But this also brings a few issues, if you will.
Giorno was born on April 16, 1985, which means that Dio was 18 when our Disney Princess was born.
He’s canonically a manwhore and I don’t intend on changing that anytime soon. He simply fucked around a lot in his last year of high school and the entirety of law school and ended impregnating four women.
I’ve checked and there aren’t canon birthdays for the other three, as well. All we know are their birth years. More to come up with for me.
Donatello: March 12, 1987
The thing is, despite being born in the same year, I like the thought of Rikiel being a few months older than Ungalo even tho he’s the local crybaby at home.
Rikiel: February 25, 1988
Ungalo: September 10, 1988
Now, Dio’s not the only one with children and I want to include George II and Erina too. George II’s canon birth year is 1889, so I’ll keep that as well but it’ll mean that Giorno, Donatello, Rikiel and Ungalo are older than him.
Since he doesn’t have a specific birthday, I’ll just add nine months to Jonathan’s canon date of death, which is February 7, 1889.
George II: November 11, 1989
Guess what, Erina also doesn’t have a specified birthday!! We only know that it’s some time in 1869. Hmmmmmm…..
I want her birthday to be in June, to be honest.
Erina: June 26, 1969
Let’s not forget the grandpa, of course. The only thing I’ve found out is that he died in 1888. I want him to be 45, which would mean that he’d be born in 1843.
So, we’ll just take that and move it to the 20th century and we get May 16, 1943.
To summarize:
George I: May 16, 1943
Jonathan: April 4, 1968
Dio: January 2, 1967
Erina: June 26, 1969
Giorno: April 16, 1985
Donatello: March 12, 1987
Rikiel: February 25, 1988
Ungalo: September 10, 1988
George II: November 12, 1989
Let’s get to how our local hoe finds out about his sons. As I’ve already mentioned, Dio was 18 when Giorno was born but he didn’t know and obviously didn’t get custody right then.
It went like this:
Homeboy was sitting in his study in the year 1990 and was going over the most recent case, when one of the butlers came in and delivered a letter.
It was signed by all four of his past flings and it said that all four of them had a son each. They gave him a location to meet ‘cause neither of them really wanted the custody of them. At first, Dio thought that it might be a lie to get money since he’s the adopted son of a famous aristocrat but he also believed that it might be true.
Jonathan found out, because of course he did, and immediately sent a butler to get the car ready so that Dio could go. Dio didn’t have another choice but to do so, since his lovely brother just had to get involved.
Turns out the letter was honest to God and Dio came back with a five-year-old who had pitch black hair, a three-year-old with brown hair and two one-year-olds in his arms, one of which had dark skin and black hair with hot pink highlights styled into locs and the other with unusual pistachio green hair.
Welp, at least George II wouldn’t have to grow up alone🤷 anyway-
George I was delighted to have even more grandsons but he didn’t exactly approve of Dio being a manwhore, since that’s the opposite of how he raised his sons to be.
I want to include D’Arby and Vanilla Ice (as well as Hol Horse and maybe a few others of the Agents of DIO) as Dio’s personal butlers because it’s fun to imagine his sons judging them because of their fanatical loyalty to Dio, but I’m not sure how.
I’ll probably make him move into a different manor maybe four years later, where he has his own (canon) butlers/servants, whatever you want to call them. But I’ll obviously let them stay in England, a grandpa and an uncle want to see the kids, okay?
Dio still has his shithead asshole personality but he doesn’t go as far as wanting to kill his adoptive family and trying to claim the inheritance via vampirism, to the point where he literally wants to achieve heaven.
Nah, this man cares for them but is extremely bad at showing it, even though Jonathan and George know. Jonathan always knows. Dio had to learn the hard way that he can’t hide shit from his brother.
He has a good relationship with Erina, they constantly make fun of each other and hey, would you look at that! He didn’t forcefully kiss her when they were twelve!! She can kick ass and he acknowledges and respects that.
Coming back to the Stands, Dio noticed that The World is very useful with four rat children who can do nothing but cause chaos and misery for him. Especially when one or all of them decide that running into traffic is how they want to spend their evening.
I’m not exactly sure but I think it’s established in canon that Giorno is the only one who’s a born Stand User. I’ll change that in this AU and make his brothers born Stand User as well.
The years pass, blablabla, Giorno still takes over the Italian Mafia because he can and gets rich even tho he already is and his brothers still don’t know what to do when they’re adults.
But! They find out their older brother has started dating some dude (“his name’s Hugo or something.” “are you stupid, it’s Fugo” “Gugo, like I said.”) and they spy on them when they’re out on a date.
Dio doesn’t exactly care if or whom his sons date, or which gender that person has since he’s a bisexual slut who keeps sleeping around, but he’ll make sure that neither of the four are taken advantage of and checks their partners’ backgrounds and lifestyles behind their backs.
Now, adding the fact that he’s a slut to his career as a lawyer: he wins every case.
Reason number one: he’s beautiful
Reason number two: he’s charismatic
Reason number three: he’s manipulative
Reason number four: he’s cunning
Reason number five: he’s convincing
Reason number six: he sleeps with the judge when his client is actually guilty
One of his sons: are you ever gonna give us a stepmother or stepfather?
Dio, planning his next one-night-stand: step-what?
He reluctantly leaves his sons in the care of his obnoxious brother when he has to go somewhere for work-related purposes. He’d rather die, though. (When they were children, at least. When they were 15/13/12/12, he began leaving them at home in hopes of finding it still in one piece later)
It’s basically a huge mess with a lot of chaos and misuse of some Stands (“didn’t I tell you two to stop using your Stands in the mansion?” “Ungalo started it.” “LIAR! Donatello started it.”) but it’s also fun and Dio wouldn’t trade it for anything.
He promised himself to never stoop down to the level of his piece of shit birth father, and he’s keeping that promise.
Oh yeah, he still poisons Dario before being adopted by George I. Normal, am I right?
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