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catgirltitty · 10 months

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MOCHA'S BEST STREAM

Mocha starts her weekly stream like usual, but a wardrobe malfunction arouses her viewers' curiosity!

[breast expansion, lactation, milking, furry]

“Meowdy gamers! I’m Mocha, and this is The Mo-Show! I’m gonna jump in and play some Shaftcraft, today I thought I’d just chill and answer some Q&A while I work on my zombie farm.”

Mocha eyed her setup, making sure everything was perfect. The half-cat, half-cowgirl had soft, cream-colored fur, with a chocolate-brown spot right on her snout. Not a hair of her bangs was out of place, and her gold-blonde streak caught the glow of her ring light just right. Her white work blouse was in place, showing just the right amount of cleavage. She adjusted her posture, making sure her whole chest was in the shot.

While she was looking, a pop-up played across the top of her screen.

@moofan7 donated $1

“Thanks for the donation, friend! Remember, every dollar you donate to the stream goes to the charity of the week. Plus, every dollar gets matched by our anonymous partner. This week, it's all going to help trans kids buy new clothes!”

Mocha was fairly proud of the amount of money she raised for charity every week. She didn’t feel the need to share that the ‘anonymous partner’ was, in fact, herself.

"If you have a question, share it in the chat! If it gets 10 upvotes, I’ll answer it! Please, nothing too personal and no sexual stuff. If you do that, you’re gonna get banned. Seriously, that shit’s not cool.” A frustrating number of people online thought it was okay to ask invasive questions about her body, or try to get her to indulge their kinks on stream. Luckily, she had a great team of mods that nipped those viewers in the bud. Mocha was happy to use her attractiveness in her streams—on her terms, doing the things she wanted to do when she felt like it.

She didn’t owe her viewers anything else. Most of them respected that. Those were the ones she was streaming for, and the ones who made streaming something she looked forward to.

“Alright, first question! ‘Can we ask about demihuman stuff?’ Absolutely, just be respectful.”

These were some of the more common questions she got in her Q&A sessions. Sometimes it got on her nerves, but she tried to keep in mind that her human fans were just curious.

@moofan7: whats it like having fur?

“It’s pretty great if you ask me. I put a lot of work in to keep my coat this lustrous, though. As long as you keep it clean, it’s like wearing a cozy blanket at all times.”

@9tailtrouble: demi here. what products do you recommend for fur care?

“Great question, 9tailtrouble. It really depends a lot on your species, but FurLux is a good brand that covers a wide range. My personal favorite is Taúr-faire, but that’s specifically for cows. I assume you’re a fox? I’ve heard from other foxes that Red Coature is pretty good if you’re willing to spend a bit extra.”

Chat started excitedly popping off. Little emotes of a gray cat with a confused look on her face dotted the messages.

@tinkretor: :joule: :pog: @momijams: JOULE SIGHTING @moofan7: girlfriend jumpscare @moofan7: jk joule im ur biggest fan @theinfirminator: :joule: :joule: :joule: :joule: :joule: :joule: :joule: :joule: :joule: :joule:

Mocha looked at her stream feed. Sure enough, Joule was visible making dinner in the kitchen. Mocha couldn’t help but smile; her newest girlfriend had already wandered into frame so many times it had become a running joke.

After the chat calmed again, 9tailtrouble responded.

@9tailtrouble: yeah im a fox :D i really love yuor streams!! I admire you so much 0///0 @9tailtrouble donated $5

“Thanks, 9tail, I’m so honored to hear that! Let me know if you try those products.”

@theinfirminator: you have two gfs, rite? wats that like @subbywoofers: mo is so cool

“It’s the best. I love them so much! It takes a lot of love and trust to make it work, but it’s so worth it.”

@theinfirminator: how did you meet?

“Pap and I met in college. We were both skipping the same lecture and decided to hang out! That was… something like eighteen months ago. Then we met Joule when she became our roommate, and she started dating us around a year ago.”

@momijams: yall are adorable together! @theinfirminator: will we get a paprika sighting tonite?

“Not tonight, she’s out with a friend. I’ll let her know you asked, though!”

@momijams: its ok if this is too personal but. im dating a cowgirl and i want to learn more to about what its like so i can take care of her when were married @momijams: ive heard that its.. a lot @momijams: do you have any tips??

“Wow, congrats momijams! It's a bit too personal for the stream, but message me after and I’ll give you some advice. I think it’s really sweet that you’re trying to learn to take care of her!”

@momijams: thank you :) i want to treat her right @momijams donated $10

Mocha continued answering her viewers' questions. Before she knew it, an hour had already passed. It was probably the best stream she’d had in a while.

Until one message caught her eye.

@9tailtrouble: maam. your shirt

Mocha checked her feed. A pair of wet spots had soaked through her blouse, revealing the pink bra beneath. Twin white streams trickled off her chest and into her lap. Blood rushed through her cheeks. Fucking hell, when did this happen?

In a panic, she made to shut down the stream. And I was having such a good time, too, she thought. Her mouse hovered over the red "END STREAM" button. She hesitated.

“You know what?" She turned to the camera. "You all have been so lovely today. Here’s a little treat.”

She began unbuttoning her top, only now noticing how tight it had gotten; it was near to popping open, anyway. Her breasts had swollen several sizes up throughout the stream. No wonder I'm leaking...

Once her shirt was fully unbuttoned, she let it fall to either side, revealing her straining bra, dark and damp from the lactic bounty leaking from inside. Milk streamed down her belly, dampening her fur.

Chat was going wild.

“That feels better. Now back to the Q&A.”

@momijams: can we ask about… this

“I’m in a good mood, so go ahead! Don’t go overboard, though.”

@momijams: okay so. wow. i heard cowgirls produce a lot, but i wasnt expecting this muich @momijams: is this a normal amount??

Mocha blushed, hoping it wasn’t too obvious. She always enjoyed it when people commented on how much milk she made.

“Yeah, this is a pretty normal amount for a cow my age. Usually I take suppressants to keep it down to a manageable amount, but I think I’m a little late this month!” She gestured to her leaking tits.

@theinfirminator: how does it feel?

“Pleasant, most of the time. Most of the day I can hardly feel it. But this,” she hefted her boobs. “If they get much bigger than this, they start to ache.”

That got them curious.

@9tailtrouble: they grow? @tinkretor: mocha is so PRETTYYYY @moofan7: BIGGER THAN THIS? They’re already so big! @momijams: how big do they get?

Mocha was getting just as excited as them. This is fun! I should talk about this stuff more often! She would be lying if she said this wasn’t turning her on a bit, as well.

“Judging by the G-cup bra they’re about to destroy, right now they’re probably about a K-cup. The biggest I’ve ever gotten is a Q-cup.” She held her hands out several inches from her bust.

@momijams: how doyou deal with them? @9tailtrouble: thats so huge, omg @9tailtrouble: i wish my tits did that!! @tinkretor: do you have to. Express? srory if thats too much

Mocha was really getting going, now. “Mm hmm, every day I have to-” Mocha had an idea. A grin spread across her face. This is gonna get me suspended for sure.

She put a finger up to her lips, pretending to think about it. “Well,” she drawled, “maybe it would be better to demonstrate. Joule, love! Can you come over here?”

@moofan7: is this really happening? @9tailtrouble: no way. our mo? @momijams: what an exciting new direction for the channel @momijams donated $25 @subbywoofers donated $50 @subbywoofers: mo this is so cool tysm

Joule poked her head out from the kitchen. “What’s up, Mo?”

“Come over here. Say hi to the fans!”

“Hi, fans! Thanks for supporting my girlfriend!” She reached the desk, only now seeing Mocha’s state of undress. “Oh. Since when is this that kind of stream? Not that I mind.”

“I’m trying something new.” The swollen cowgirl unstrapped her bra, letting it fall. “Now, if you would please milk me?”

Mocha’s tits heaved as her breathing suddenly got easier. I didn't realize just how tight that bra was getting… Her nipples, thick as little brown thumbs, were spraying arcs of milk now.

Joule visibly gulped. “Yes, please!”

The lanky catgirl stood behind Mocha’s chair, wrapping her arms around. “I almost can’t reach! You’ve let them get way too big today.”

Her paws found the leaking teats. Mocha gasped as Joule’s fingers expertly worked the swollen breasts. The spray turned into a hose, shooting milk warm milk across the desk, the keyboard, the monitor.

“As you. Can. See,” the breathy cowgirl had trouble forcing herself to speak through the stimulation. “The best. Way. To express. Is through. Hand. Milking.” She let out a low “Moooo~” as Joule rolled a thick teat between her knuckles.

@momijams donated $40 @subbywoofers: good work, joule :joule: @moofan7 donated $25 @9tailtrouble donated $75

After a minute, her breasts had visibly gone down in size. Mocha held up her hand, signaling Joule to stop for now. The catgirl obediently let go, releasing the heavy, wet breasts with a PLAP.

“That’s the most effective way to do it. On suppressants, I need to do that for about an hour every night. Without suppressants, like right now, it’d probably take two or three hours to get me back down to normal size.”

@moofan7: doesn’t seem so bad @9tailtrouble: that was. wow. @9tailtrouble: im kinda jealous NGL @tinkretor donated $100

“It does have its perks,” agreed Mocha, reading the chat. “It’s not always easy, but I wouldn’t trade it for the world.” She looked back at Joule, thoughtful.

“I’ve had a lot of fun tonight. And you all have been so generous with the donations! I can’t thank you enough.” She sighed.

“But I’m gonna try. Here’s one last treat before I log off. Joule?”

“Yeah babe?” the catgirl licked her lips.

“Show them what happens when you suck a cowgirl’s tits.”

Joule didn’t hesitate. She pounced on Mocha’s left tit, wrapping her lips around the stiff nipple. She began slurping down milk, rolling the teat with her tongue. Her hand reached up to stroke the right teat, tugging and playing with the spraying bud.

Mocha began growing. Each boob was quickly regaining the mass it had just lost, swelling outwards as they kicked into overdrive to feed the hungry mouth. Mocha moo’d frantically, grabbing her girlfriend by the scruff and pulling her tight against her growing flesh. The exposed right nipple was growing alongside its breast, nearly two inches long and spraying cream from a dozen thick arcs. Droplets of milk flecked the camera lens. Soon, each breast was the size of a prize-winning pumpkin and still growing.

@9tailtrouble donated $75 @momijams donated $120 @momijams: educational :) @theinfirminator donated $90 @theinfirminator: we love you mo! @9tailtrouble: not how i expected tonight to go. thank you mo, you rock!! @moofan7 donated $50 @subbywoofers donated $500 @tinkretor donated $100 User @xXTheMoShow94Xx suspended. Chat log ended.

***

“Well, that’s a new record.”

Joule held the measuring tape around her girlfriend’s bust. “109.4 inches.”

Mocha sat on a groaning stool in the master bathroom, watching the stream recording on her phone. She wanted a measurement before they got to work at milking her down to size again. It’s gonna be a long night. I don’t think Joule minds, though. Paprika won’t mind when she gets home, either.

She set down the phone, looking out over the expanse of her bust. “I’m fucking huge.” She grinned, then moo’d with an aftershock of the last climax.

“Well, only one thing left to do about it.”

User: Mocha @theMoShow 9:47 pm (PST) What a great stream tonight! Thank you so much to all my amazing fans. For those who missed it, future streams will be going in a slightly new direction. Next week’s show will be on our new channel at onlyfurs.com I’ll see you all then!

***

This one was a lot of fun to write! It ended up being like 4x longer than I initially planned, and I think it's all for the better. I really enjoyed making the stream chats in particular. Oh btw, sex workers are workers and deserve rights. Thank them for all the amazing things they do!

#meow #moo #furry #milk #lactation #fursona #mocha #joule #be #booba #lit #story #be story #breast expansion #breast growth #gigantic breasts #expansion story

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omegasmileyface · 3 months

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I wrote a little 1000-word (ok, 986-word) story about my Danny Phantom gost OC (specifically ghostsona) Joule! enjoy :)

===

When vision fades in, your eyes are already open. The muddled blurs of different shades of green make themselves into distinct swirls, curling in too many directions to count. It looks three-dimensional, but it feels more than that. Four or five, maybe.

Your body has made its presence again. Though it isn't blending from numbness to tingling skin like it usually does after passing out, instead there is just a sort of knowledge of where you begin and where everything else ends. Where proprioception is normally like a quiet physical static felt in your limbs, now it's like having a song stuck in your head. A background thought. You cannot feel the physical sensation of your body, nor its numbness. It's not strange, but it wasn't like that before.

…Before? Before what? Obviously there was a before, before the greens came into focus. The same way sleeping leaves a gap in your memory. You woke up, obviously. But what about before you went to sleep?

Maybe… pixels? Pixels on a monitor? But in what context?

That hurts. You don't want to reach back for more memories anymore. There's a wall there, and hitting it hurts.

What a shame that the only thing you can remember is green. Green is fine, but it's not nearly your favorite color. Some kind of hot pink would be much better, maybe a cyan too.

You're still just staring. What happens if you move?

…You can't move, so there's no way to tell.

Okay, earlier you felt your body. Is it still there? The quiet thought isn't in the background anymore, it's just gone. No more body. But you know you can have one, because you did.

You think to yourself, I have limbs, and a face where my senses go. You think this until you don't have to concentrate on it to know it's true. Then you think I'm sitting up, and I'm looking at my hands, and you do so. Silly… silly… silly you, you forgot about having a body!

Your hands are black and clawed, and they only blur a little at the edges. You're happy to see the black, since it means you won't have to wait for nail polish to dry anymore. You run them across your face, relishing in the odd way your awareness becomes gooey and undefined as your boundaries touch and form loops of you. When your hand is on your face, with the elbow bent out to the side, your shape has a hole in it!

Your hair floats around your head with all the silky chaos of being let down underwater. It's not long enough to see clearly, but you catch its color briefly. #ff0086. Beautiful!

What does the rest of you look like? You reach for that awareness of your body, and you find a thought holding the instructions to render you. You have #3a53c3 skin which fades to #000000 at the extremities and chin-length pink-red hair, which is held back at the crown by sharp #00ffff horns. Your lips and fangs are black, and black markings curve over your cheeks. Your eyes are black with cyan irises, and below the waist, you taper off to a long tail. You're dressed like you might be going to a concert.

How lucky you are to be this pretty! You don't often get to be.

Wait, why do your thoughts have instructions? That's juicy! Where is that going? Do you have some kind of GPU? You trace the thought back to the source, and find your mind—

But it's not in your head. You feel everything you know, the very bounds of your existence, everything that is real to you and your perception and your form, in your chest.

How interesting! All things— not that things don't exist outside of you, you're not a solipsist, but as far as your identity could be aware— all things, contained in such a small area?

And it follows code?

You tell yourself to make something, just to see what happens, and a pink spark arcs across your palm.

Gorgeous! How does it do that? Why does it do that? What sorts of things could you do by programming yourself? What puzzle-language would you solve-write in? Where are the rules?

And how can you break them?

You want to know everything there is to know about this self, this mind, this core. You need to learn how to instruct it, how to answer questions and solve puzzles with it. That's why you're here, even. Whatever put you here, whatever act of entropy wound up stringing your consciousness together out of the green, it only happened so you can figure out how the rules of this world play together. There are secrets only you can uncover. There is so much interesting detail buried in the four-or-so spacial dimensions stretching out from this point, and you've only seen this tiny block of it! What are you waiting for?

A tiny lump of distortion carves its way through the green next to you. All the same colors and energies as its surroundings, but in a different shape. It has red eyes, and they don't even glance at you. It doesn't have a core, you feel when you look at it. If it did, you'd know things about it, but it doesn't, so the space where that knowledge would go is empty.

Goodness, are there more selves than just you in here? Are there cores that aren't the same as yours? How can they differ? Do they come in different colors? Specialties? Languages? Is there lore? A theology?

If you're not the only one here, you need a user ID. Something to identify you. A name.

You like J sounds, and you saw some electricity earlier, so you call yourself Joule.

It's Joule.

Joule faces the direction the green coreless blob went, and they make themself go forward.

#danny phantom #danny phantom oc #joule #the qrew #my writing #danny phantom fanfiction

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roro-the-drago · 8 months

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I may be late to Gunvolts Anniversary! I might be early! Who knows! All I know is I'm very happy to finish this and celebrate a whole year of enjoying this game and its characters, I'm not sure I'd have such a fun time with my friends if it wasn't for this game series. To more years to come! :]

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smallbutplucky · 9 months

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Is this just a Roguneto blog now? Oh well, I'm loving the art I'm creating with this muse! And what sort of a shipper would I be if I didn't come up with an OC kid for them? Name: Shilo Eisenhardt Alias: Joule (pronounced: Jool) which is a unit of energy Classification: Mutant Powers: Strong Force Generation and Manipulation -Atomic Transmutation -Energy Absorption -Flight -Superhuman Physiology: Nigh-Invulnerability, Enhanced Speed, Strength, Stamina, and Reflexes -Matter Generation -Self-Sustenance -Quantum Field Manipulation -Energy Absorption, Projection, and Alteration.

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tabbycatplushy · 7 months

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Joule's Journey: "Finally You"

[transformation, light themes of body horror, wrestling with self-image and gender dysphoria]

Joule is finally getting her first dose of gender-affirming potions. As soon as she looks how she's always wanted, she'll be able to love herself. Right?

“Alright, now sign here please.” Lizzie tapped a hook-like claw to the line at the bottom. “This is the last one. This form is a confirmation that you would like to use your government funding to pay for this treatment.”

Joule carefully read the form. She trusted Lizzie, but her dad had taught her always to read before you sign. Satisfied, she scrawled her signature—her new signature, for her new name—and handed the form back to the alchemist.

Joule hadn’t recognized the alchemist when she walked in just moments ago. When she’d placed her order, Lizzie had been a sly-looking fox man. Today, it wore the form of a saber-toothed tiger woman, at least seven feet tall and sporting four muscular arms. The only thing that hadn’t changed about its appearance was its silver fur and purple hair. It was a little intimidating, but Lizzie maintained the same charm it’d had last time.

The alchemist grinned around it's dagger-like fangs. “Perfect. Now all that’s left is for you to take this.”

A vial of pink liquid appeared in its claws. “This is one dose, little kitten. Full effects will last about two weeks. After that, there may be some minor physical reversion. That is normal. Do not, I repeat, do not take another gender-affirming potion until one month has passed since you took this.” It swished the vial in the air, making an "X" shape.

Joule nodded. “I won’t.”

The tiger’s feline eyes softened. “Good girl,” it said, sending a flutter through Joule’s core. “Full reversion will happen six weeks after ingestion. To avoid that, you’ll want to take your next dose between four and five weeks. I’m only giving you one dose today; this is to give you a chance to request changes to the formula. If you want anything bigger or smaller, if there’s anything you want to keep, all you have to do is tell me. Once you’ve settled on a form, I’ll start giving you six doses at a time. Do you have any questions, kitten?”

Joule shook her head. “You’ve explained it well, thank you.” Little arches of electricity danced between her fingers—her aura, another thing she got from her dad.

“Then here you are. Enjoy.” It plopped the vial into a padded box, which she placed in Joule’s outstretched paw. The catgirl gripped it tight, staring at the thing as a gentle buzz of static crackled under her palms. It’s real. This is really, actually, finally happening. I can't wait to see myself for the first time!

She slid the box carefully into her backpack. “Thank you!” she called. A light feeling carried her to the door, down the street beyond and onto the bus home.

***

Joule wasted no time. Though she felt like barreling right through, she carefully opened the door to her parent’s house. There’s never an excuse for banging a hole in the wall, she thought. Kicking off her shoes, she ran up the stairs to her attic room and locked the door behind her. The latch had barely clicked shut before she flung off all her clothes.

She pulled down the blanket that covered the full-body mirror she’d gotten just for today. And every day after, she thought. There she stood: thin as twigs, and bony besides. Broad shoulders, thin hips, not soft or round enough in all the places that counted. Four pairs of nipples adorned her torso, barely visible beneath her fur. Her coat—the one feature she didn't think was hideous—shone in the white glow of the ring light she’d set up above the mirror. Light gray and fluffy (her dad called it ‘stormy’), fading to near-white at the front, with dark gray stripes on her face, forelimbs, and running down her back and tail. Faint orange stripes complimented the dark ones on her back, and a burst of orange surrounded her pink nose. The dark tip of her tail swished around her ankles.

She turned away. She could never stand to look at herself for long.

That’s about to change, though. Even her image in the mirror couldn't dampen her excitement. Little sparks jumped from all over her body. Luckily there was nothing in her room, or the house, that could be damaged from a stray spark—her father had the same aura, so they took precautions.

She pulled the vial from its box, uncorked it, and downed the pink liquid inside.

The changes hit her like a truck. A second of sharp pain, then reduced to an ache and an absence. Joule’s hands shot to her crotch. Holy shit, this stuff works fast!

Pain flared again, drilling inward. Folding, peeling sensations rose from her groin to her lower stomach. Cramps gripped her body and folded it in half; she couldn’t stand, so she dropped to the carpet in fetal position. She purred to herself, desperate for any comfort.

The cramps subsided, and she relaxed from her involuntary contortion. Breathing hard, heart running like a rabbit, she lay on the ground and waited for the next changes to come.

She didn’t wait long before her top pair of nipples started twitching. Her paws flew up to palm her pecs, just as they began to swell. Her nipples were hard; a new sensation, but then her whole body was being swarmed with new sensations, so she couldn’t pay them much mind. Soft fat piled behind them, and soon enough she had a small pair of tits.

Boobs. I have boobs. They’re just as great as I thought they would be.

Pain forgotten, she sat up against her bed frame, cupping and squishing her breasts as the transformation continued. Her torso slimmed down, and her shoulders with it. Her hips cracked outwards, and her limbs thickened up slightly. Women in her family were slim, but to her it was enough. I have curves! I have hips!

She brought a hand before her face and examined her new paws and their small, dainty-looking fingers. Flexing it, turning it in the light was surreal. These can’t be my hands. Can they? All at once her body felt alien. Joule was not the catgirl changing on her bedroom floor; that was someone else. She was watching a movie. Someone was turning over their hands in front of a camera, and she was merely watching.

Reality settled back into place as her face bubbled and shifted, reshaping itself into something feminine. Something cute, I hope.

When she felt no more changes coming, Joule carefully stood up, wobbling on baby-deer legs. Nothing jostled between her thighs as she took her first, timid steps into view of the mirror. She gasped.

The person she saw was... cute. Cute in a way she’d never been able to picture herself. Recognizable, in a familial way… it’s like looking at the sister I never had. She was more delicate. Softened.

Her form was slender, but with small, blessed curves. Enough to change her overall shape. The way she used to set her feet no longer felt natural; she had to adjust her stance. Starting from her hips, she drew her hands up her body, feeling the tickle of her fingers running through her fur.

This feels… strange, she thought. Good strange? It was still too surreal for her to tell. Her face was wet. She realized she was crying.

There was a knock on her door. “Joule? Are you okay? How’d it go, honey?”

She squeaked in a new, alien voice. “Just a second!”

Skipping to her closet, Joule pulled on a pair of teal yoga pants and a racerback tanktop. And, for the first time, a bra. She’d gotten a few ahead of time, guessing at the size; it fit well.

She reached out to the door handle, then paused, overcome with a sudden anxiety. Slowly, she opened the door on her waiting parents.

Her mom gasped as she took in Joule’s appearance, cupping her paws over her mouth. Her dad’s eyes widened.

Joule just stood there, shoulders drawn in and eyes down. She choked out, “H-hi…”

Before she closed her mouth, both parents had wrapped their arms around her. Her dad rested his chin atop her head and simply purred, while her mom was rubbing her forehead against Joule’s face, saying “You’re so beautiful. My gorgeous girl.”

Joule was crying again. She couldn’t speak; there were no words for a moment like this.

“You got short, kid,” said her dad, making her laughed through the tears. “I’m gonna have to get used to your new height. And that voice! I almost don’t recognize the sound of it.”

I pulled back. “Is it okay?”

He smiled. “You sound beautiful, sweetheart.”

Her mom wiped her eyes. “Alright, now come downstairs. We have a surprise for you.”

“Surprise?”

She smiled, and kissed Joule cheek. “It’s the good kind. Come!”

She followed them downstairs, ignoring the doubtful feeling lingering in the back of her mind.

***

The surprise was nice—wonderful, even. But something stopped Joule from enjoying it.

Halfway down the stairs, she saw it. In the living room were half a dozen people, who all shouted “Surprise!” as she came into view. A string of letters hung from the ceiling read “F-I-N-A-L-L-Y—Y-O-U-!”

There was cake. Instead of making a birthday wish, they brought out her old IDs so she could destroy them. The first idea was to burn them, but the smoke made the alarms go off. She cut them to bits with the scissors instead.

In the corner was a backdrop, where everyone could get a photo with her new look. Joule looked at one of them—it was her, and her cousin Alex. A buzz of electricity tingled her fingers. She should be elated. Why aren't I? Why can I still not look at myself?

Alex sidled up next to Joule, examining the photo in her hands. "You look great, cuz! I'm so happy for you."

Joule shook herself out of it, forcing a smile. "Thanks, Al. It's good seeing you. Thanks for coming."

Alex hugged her. "So, now that you're no longer trans-"

"What?" Joule whip-turned toward her cousin. "What did you just say?"

A confused look crossed Alex's face. "...now that you're not transgender anymore..?"

"That's... what are you even saying? Of course I'm still trans."

Joule had spoken more loudly than she intended. The others in the room had turned towards them now.

Alex stammered, "Oh- of course! I didn't mean... I only... What I meant to say-"

"Well I'm still trans, okay?" Joule pointed her finger while she spoke; sparks jumped from the tip, thankfully not hitting Alex. They fell harmlessly to the ground.

Joule felt the rest of the family's eyes on her. She took a deep breath. "I'll... be right back."

She bolted up the stairs, back to the safety of her room. Why did I freak out on Alex like that? Sure, what her cousin had said was insensitive, but Joule shouldn't have had such a reaction to it. Why can't I just enjoy this? Shouldn't I be happy? I look how I've always wanted!

She closed the door behind her, turning the lock. Her eyes found the mirror. Walking up to it, she tried to look at herself the way she should be able to. The way she had always tried to look at herself, for so many years. Without success.

But I'm me, now! It should be easy!

She turned away, shame and confusion swirling, and fell into the bed, burying her head in her arms.

I don't understand. I'm finally me. I'm finally a...

Joule stopped herself, surprised at the direction of her own thoughts. She had been about to say, I'm finally a girl. But that couldn't be right. She was a girl. She always had been. She knew that. Don't I?

Is that why Alex's comment stung so much? I guess I've been acting as if today was putting all that behind me. As if after I got my potions, I wouldn't have to deal with that anymore.

Is that what she wanted? To forget about her previous life?

Of course not. That's part of who I am. How could I ever just pretend that all the years of discomfort, of heartache, of dysphoria never happened? That they would go away after today?

Is this why I've felt so uncomfortable? Have I been hanging everything on just my new appearance? How could I have thought that my self-image issues would disappear overnight?

She palmed her eyes, trying in vain to dam up her tears.

What do I do?

***

Joule swung open the large wooden door, and stepped inside. Lizzie's shop was much like she'd left it, but Lizzie was not; today, the alchemist was a green-skinned orc with it's iconic silver-and-purple hair.

"Lizzie, I need to request a change for my formula."

The orc smiled gently, silver-capped tusks glinting in the lamplight. In a gruff voice, it said, "Of course, dearie, whatever you need."

Joule told her. Lizzie didn't tease. It listened, took some notes, and told Joule it'd get right to work. Then it was over.

Joule sighed in relief as she left the shop. I feel like that was even harder than the first time. At least Lizzie didn't tease me about it.

Joule had thought long and hard about her request, and doubt filled her right up to the moment she entered the shop. But now, she knew she had made the right decision.

She'd told Lizzie she wanted to keep a few things from her old body. Her height, her shoulders... and her dick. If I ever want to truly love the person I see in the mirror, she thought, then I'd better get used to imperfection. I'd better get used to the things that make me who I am. I'd better learn to love them. I can't just pretend they're not there.

She walked down the street, watching the people around her as she thought.

If I can do that, I think everything will be okay.

#trans #transgender #short fic #queer lit #short story #furry #tf #fursona #joule #fluff #my lit

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