Wow. It’s been a while since I’ve made a post like this, huh? At the beginning of the year, I said that I’d make more posts like this in the future, but that didn’t happen. ^^; I’d post most of this on my profile, but…here it feels much more appropriate.
Those who have been following me may have noticed that my updates on most of my accounts have been sporadic or nonexistent. From being obsessed with one game (and almost draining my bank account in the process), to falling behind in school, to dealing with my granddad’s cancer diagnosis, to dealing with anxieties, to dealing with the chaos that comes with that and the pandemic, to the hurt and anger I’m feeling about the George Floyd situation, suffice to say it’s been rough. Oh, who am I kidding? It’s been hell. I’ll just come right out and say it.
Some days, I just want to crawl into bed and not come out. Some days, I don’t feel like praying or reading my Bible. Some days, I wonder, “What’s the point? Things are just going to get worse.” I can only distract myself for so long before reality pulls me back in.
Throughout this, I’ve come to a very important revelation: the times where I want to pray and talk to God the least are the times where I need Him the most.
Throughout the last six months, I have felt the temptation to just sink into worry and to drown in hours of online games to escape. But those are temporary. Jesus is eternal. Jesus doesn’t provide temporary peace like those games do, like TV shows do. He is there to not only give us lasting peace, but comfort as well.
I’ve developed a few sayings that help me through the roughest of days, when I feel that I’m going to sink into anxious thoughts about what people are thinking of me, what they’re saying about me. But one of my favorites happens to be the phrase “It is well with my soul”. I can choose to be distressed and worried all the time, or I can choose to be at peace, develop my faith and act on it.
Though I make mistakes and struggle to keep up with people, it is well with my soul.
Though I’m not always liked by people or ignored by them, it is well with my soul.
Though all hell seems to be encroaching around me, truly, I declare, it is well with my soul.
Now, I’m not saying that this immediately removes all the trouble. Nope. In fact, I’m still in the thick of a few things right now. I’m working on improving myself, physically, mentally and spiritually, but it’s been a battle. I’m working on not ghosting my friends and rekindling some of my older friendships, but those old fears will still creep in. I’m working on being more productive, but laziness will set in, disguised in the guise of “tiredness from work”.
My deal isn’t talk. My deal is acting on what I say. And starting today, that’s what I’m going to do.
So even though things have been pretty crazy lately, I’m doing my best to run to God with my problems instead of everything else. And even though it might look dark right now, I will still look up with a smile on my face and say:
It is well with my soul.