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18/05/2020 4:48PM / My focus goes where it should stay clear of. Enough is more than enough. I am hyper-aware of every minute detail. I don’t see my needs as valid (as needs), because he doesn’t care for them (or others). I am hyper-aware of other people, however (they are hell). Every day it feels like I drink bleach instead of coffee. Focus is crucial: where it goes, where it leaves. And does it matter? Yes? I was taught to think so (I think so). Nowadays meaning tends to rapidly fall apart wherever I look, wherever I turn. I am doing better than before (I tell myself). There are chunks of poems living in the corners of my eyes, my ears, my mind. I have a (bad) habit of going within too much and staying there for too long, too often (solipsism, paranoia). Perhaps exercise it better (in a manner of speaking/as a matter of principle). Anorak, anorak, anorak. Something or other. Something or other. 

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05.16.20 // Today marks the first day of Modified Extended Commumity Quarantine. This means that businesses in several industries/fields have been allowed to go back in operation. Some malls in our area have reopened so unsurprisingly, people have begun to disregard social distancing. Good luck to us all lmao

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an old photo taken on word on the water bookshop (the one on a fucking boat at london bridge!!) and a lovely poem by e.e. cummings.


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How to Start Journaling/Diary Keeping!!

(tips and tricks from someone who has journaled for almost 6 years straight)

This is gonna be a really really long post. I’ve gotten some questions and requests from friends about this topic, so here’s my official how-to guide for journals/diaries:

1: Get a journal:

This is pretty obvious but i still have some things to say for it. There are (maybe too many) options as far as what you’ll use to journal in. The first big decision here is whether you want to do it digitally or traditionally (handwritten). There are pros and cons for both, and you are by no means bound to one forever. I’ve spent the past 6 years handwriting everything, and have now switched to typing to try it out. Here’s a little rundown of both styles:


You can use a simple Word document, the notes app on your phone, a video-making site, a blog, even Tumblr! There are also loads of journal/diary apps.

Pros: typing is faster than handwriting so you can get your thoughts out quicker, if it’s in your google drive you can journal on any device at any time, no hand-cramping, no smudging or fading, you can paste photos directly into it the writing, you can make video diaries. 

Cons: poor internet connection, it’s easier for someone to get a hold of it if they wanted to, you can’t draw directly into it, you won’t have a physical copy of your writing, it could potentially be deleted.


You can use any notebook or piece of paper, or a journal that you buy/make. 

Pros: you can see your handwriting and have a physical copy of it, you can draw directly in it, you can scrapbook, it’s a nice break from technology, you can personalize it a bit more, you can easily hide it from someone, the journals can be pretty.

Cons: someone could find it, it could become damaged lost or stolen, handwriting can fade or smudge over time, hand-cramping, it takes longer to write things, you go through a lot of pencils/pens, you have to get a new book every time you fill one up. 

The most important thing about choosing a journal is that you pick one that you like! Pick the one you will actually enjoy using because why do this at all if you’re gonna hate doing it?

2: Figure out a format you like:

Seriously, think about this. Don’t set yourself up with a format of journaling that you don’t like because this is all about your enjoyment! Optional things to consider when it comes to formatting:

Whether you organize it into entries or not, how you will start and finish each entry, where you will insert drawings/pictures if you want to, how you will write the date, whether you will keep track of how many entries you’ve written, if it’ll be mostly words or mostly visuals, if you want page numbers, if you want to limit your entry length, etc. 

Here’s an example, this is how I currently format my journaling:


3: Start journaling:

Just start! It can be drawings or what you’re doing or thinking about, it can be real deep and personal or mundane. Just start journaling! 

Tips for keeping up the habit:

  • You don’t have to do it every day for pages and pages, do what is fun and convenient for you
  • Give yourself incentives, like after a certain amount of days of consistent journaling, you get to eat chocolate or something
  • Set alarms or reminders to write
  • Change up your format or style of journaling if it’s not working
  • Talk about journaling with others, it’ll motivate you and make you want to write a lot more
  • Track how many entries you’ve done, that way you can make goals to reach and it’s just neat to see how far you’ve come
  • Bring your journal with you to write in when you have spare time
  • Record dreams and past stories so you won’t forget them
  • Watch “reading my old journal” videos on YouTube (i recommend the Smosh ones, they are hilarious)
  • Keep in mind that you are doing this not only to give yourself an outlet, but to make your future self happy. I’m so thankful to past-Ash for putting in the effort to write every 2 or 3 days, because now I have a whole journal of me being a boy-crazy 10-year-old. It is so fucking hilarious. 

Remember that journaling is not for everyone! If you try and it just isn’t working or it feels like a chore to you, it’s totally okay to stop! Journaling is an outlet for all of your thoughts and feelings, a way for you to vent. There are so many other options is journaling isn’t for you.

I hope this was helpful! I can talk more about journaling and answer any other questions you guys have. Let me know if there’s anything I can add to this guide! Happy Journaling!

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051320 - 8/30 days of productivity

🍂 Today I woke up early to meditate & see the sunrise, tried journaling in cursive, read a little, and made a 2nd attempt at dalgona coffee (the froth is better than yesterday!). So far so good.

🎧 Make It with You - Bread

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It’s time to get things back to normal. Even if the quarantine isn’t ending, I need to stop moping. I’m so scared of the future and i cant control it. My family is living in the now and if I’m not careful I’ll miss all of it. I don’t want to get sucked into the fear and the anger. But I also don’t want to ignore it. I’m not sure what to do.

I see people laughing at the things being shared online, and I know they’re true.As far fetched as some of these things may seem, it’s absolutely true. There are bad guys, terrible terrible people doing unimaginable things. And I truly believe that it’s not a conspiracy theory.

There’s a kernel of truth to every conspiracy theory.

I have this fear that the world will be taken over. Tanks coming down the road, to take us from our homes kind of take over. Work champs, Agenda 21 kind of order. I knew something would happen I just didn’t think it would happen so fast and soon. I don’t think tanks will come down the road, I’m starting to see it will be a slow erosion of rights and freedoms.

I feel like I’m in a Star Wars movie.

I want my world to go back to normal. I pray almost everyday for this. I want to be a kid living in a world of brightness and love. I don’t want to know everything. I thought I did, but I don’t. Give me back my innocence please. Give the world back its innocence, if it ever had any.

After all this fear, I need to lay it rest at least somewhat. My anxiety flares, and my temper gets the better of me. I need to adapt, and figure out the best way to fight this.

My first step will be to finally return to my normal. I cannot give in anymore to this lazy hazy depression. It’s affecting everything. Maybe I can work on some art that will probably offend people. Ha.

We’ll see. I won’t let this win. I won’t let these unknown powers work their grimy fingers into my world like this. I can’t.

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journaling ˚୨୧⋆。˚ ⋆

→ journaling when you’re feeling confused, stressed, or not knowing how you feel is super helpful. know that you don’t have to share what you write and you can make it as personal or vague as you like. put on some music and see where your pen takes you!

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