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#judith is in denial
ricksmarlene · 16 days
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  I missed you so much. Words can't even say it right.                      You don't have to. I know.
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ask-sebastian · 9 months
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Idk how those songs keep fitting into everything so well every other playlist!
I think it is probably for multiple reasons--but for me, they tap into very real and relatable emotions that aren't limited to any one particular time in my life.
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This is correct, and we have science illiterates like Judith Butler, and pedophiles like Alfred Kinsey and John Money, to thank for the current disaster.
“Queer theory functions to complicate existing academic frameworks, and conceptions of social relations, by deconstructing the dominant, hetero-normative structures undergirding extant scholarship (Marinucci, 2010). One theoretical strategy relies on an insistence on the social construction of gender and sexuality (see Butler, 1990). Theories of social construction claim that human identities are not inherent or essential (that is, having an essence), but rather emerge out of social relations and discourse.”
-- Encyclopedia of Diversity and Social Justice
“Heteronormative structures” and “academic frameworks” includes recognition of biological sex, and sex-based attraction. Because “white male scientists,” rather than evolution - and yes, this is an overt rejection of evolution - invented biological sex as a tool of exclusion and oppression. Not a joke.
https://religion-is-a-mental-illness.tumblr.com/post/685736872591474688
“… ‘biological sex’ is a framework that was created by white male scientists in the 19th century…”
Under Queer Theory, same sex-attraction - and opposite-sex attraction too, for that matter - is nothing more than shallow “genital preference” bigotry, with roots in “white supremacy.” Also not a joke.
This is the reason we’re seeing rampant and unrepentant Homophobia 2.0; gay conversion therapy; and redefining homosexuality into incoherent “gender” terms, all coming from the Control-Left. All while a steady supply of Homophobia Classic 1.0 continues from the fundamentalist Xian fanatics.
Happy Pride.
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wambsgender · 11 months
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euphonetic · 1 year
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I’m always like “I’m too self conscious to write in public” when I’m picking out an activity for the laundromat only for the laundromat to be essentially unpopulated
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mayasaura · 8 months
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I love how some characters in The Locked Tomb have distinct genres. Like Gideon is in an action/adventure story, heavily tinged with Harrow's gothic horror, and vice versa for Harrow. Judith is in denial about being an escapee from an Edwardian romance novel. Camilla and Palamedes are detective fiction. And now Ianthe is apparently tragicomic theatre of the absurd
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chamerionwrites · 1 year
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"The ordinary response to atrocities is to banish them from consciousness. Certain violations of the social compact are too terrible to utter aloud: this is the meaning of the word unspeakable.
Atrocities, however, refuse to be buried. Equally as powerful as the desire to deny atrocities is the conviction that denial does not work. Folk wisdom is filled with ghosts who refuse to rest in their graves until their stories are told. Murder will out. Remembering and telling the truth about terrible events are prerequisites both for the restoration of the social order and for the healing of individual victims."
--Judith Herman, Trauma and Recovery
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rimunagenius · 1 year
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You Scared Me
pairing: DARYL x fem!READER
summary: When Rick makes a plan to deter a herd of walkers away from Alexandria, he didn't know that a dangerous group massacres everyone back home. When the herd is drawn back home, Daryl needs to get back home to you to confess.
era: season 6 !!!SPOILERS!!! (especially s6e2)
A/N: This is the first imagine i've written on here, so please be nice.
words: a LOT (super sorry)…..not rlly ;)
warnings: angst and fluff
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———
"Come by around 3:00.” Carl turned around and kept pushing the stroller ahead of the both of you as you and him walked the calm streets of Alexandria.
Walking Judith was yours and Carls favorite past time ever since this community opened their welcoming arms to you and the group. You guys were out there surviving on the road far too long. It was only a matter of time. This was the perfect change and chance for the whole group.
Judith was clapping her hands as you looked over at the girl, big grin covering both your faces as you neared them Grimes home. "Do you think it's a bad idea?
“Y’know, teaching Gabriel? After everything he did to get us kicked out of here?" Carl looked at your face, confusion and denial written all over.
"Nah. I think it's good that your still being kind to the man. Regardless of his ulterior motives against us. Shows a lot about your character Carl Grimes. Your father taught you well." You just smiled at the boy, tipping his hat down covering his eyes. Although you weren't necessarily pleased and friendly with the man yourself, you admired the teens welcoming nature that came to him naturally. You loved him and Judith dearly, they could never do wrong in your eyes. They were a breath of fresh air and a reminder that the world wasn't just a cruel place with heartless asshats wondering around.
“I think it's time Judith takes a-" You we're cut off by the screams of a woman followed by rounds of gunfire. Her shrieks piercing your ears, and the sound of semi-automatics leaving a ringing sensation. The newfound mayhem caused you to instinctively push Carl, who was now holding Judith in his arms, further behind you into the house.
Immediately locking the front door, you moved as fast as you could to the nearest window locking it shut. "Carl! Lock the windows now, and grab the gun your dad has in the closet!" Carl looked at you, worry ridden in his big blue eyes as he set his sister down and helped with the windows. As he grabbed his fathers assault rifle, you grabbed another that was placed right next to it. Checking for your knife that you always managed to keep on your right hip, you sprinted to the back door of the home, the Grimes boy following suit.
"Where are you going?!"
"Carl, keep Judith safe. I gotta see what's going on, do not unlock the doors, and stay in this damn house. You do not leave til i come back, understand?" The boy gave her a blank stare, wasting the time you had to help. "Carl! Do you understand me?! Keep your sister safe, i'll be right back. Lock this door behind me, I love you!" You had to let the boy know that you admired and cared for him, had to let him know that he was loved by you, his dads bestfriend, if it was his last time seeing you.
Running down the street behind the house, assault rifle strapped to your shoulder, you ran into a woman lying on the ground. Unconscious, blood covering her abdomen, you knew she was dead so you took your knife and slid it through her temple. Your gaze shot upwards as the back door she was lying infront of swung open, a scruff, heavy built man, 'w' carved into his forehead, approached you quickly. Swinging his knife close to your own abdomen, you threw yourself backwards avoiding the blade completely. He tried again, coming from the opposite direction this time, succeeding. He slashed a shallow line across your stomach. Oh Daryl is not going to let this go. Kicking the man's knee inverted, the man doubled over screaming in agony at his broken knee, as you took this opportunity to stab him from under his chin. You dropped the body and moved on.
As you killed two more people, a big truck crashed through the gates of Alexandria and straight into the south wall of the community, it's horn relentlessly blaring as it came to an abrupt stop. You hoped that the your family wasn’t close, the herd could be headed back this way if the horn didn't stop. Running towards the truck, you met Spencer, as he was the one who shot the driver from the tower. Hopping inside, the driver who had already turned lunged for you as you intercepted his arms and stabbed him in his temple.
You flipped the switch to horn back down, shutting it off entirely. You jumped back out of the truck, shooting down a man roaming the streets with his knife raised, as he approached a kid you knew as Ron.
———
Daryl's job was to just drive slowly infront if the herd, give them something to look at, and lead the away. Everything seemed to work out but then a loud horn began to echo through the woods. Looking behind him, he saw most of the herd break off and follow the noise.
He grabbed the walkie clipped to his vest and tried to radio Rick and Glenn. "Rick!"
"Im here."
"What's going on back there?" Daryl wasn't the guy to get worried about anyone. If that person didn't hold a special place in his heart or if that person wasn't as important to him as she was..he didn't give a flying fuck what they went through because other people always have it harder. Although he necessarily wasn't the type of man to worry, he started to worry.
The sound was close and so was he from Alexandria. He was out far, but not too far that the herd wouldn't make its way back towards home.
This is what he feared. He feared that the group would get to the community and they'd let their guard down. He was afraid that if he was out here, you'd worry if he was safe, slowly driving yourself insane; but him being out here and the herd heading your way...he couldn't help but worry about if you were still safe. He hoped that they wouldn't head home. Not to you. Not to his girl.
“They broke off. They're headed towards Alexandria!" Ricks voice came in static through the walkie and came in like distant echoes to Daryl's ears.
"Imma gas it up, turn back.” Daryl suggested through the walkie talkie. "We have it. You keep going." Rick asserted back to the archer as his growing nerves didn't settle. Daryl was scared. He only ever was when it came to you. "They're gonna need our help! Y/N, Carol, Rosita, and Maggie are the only ones tha' know what the hell they're doing! If it's bad man, i'm turning around. I can't leave 'er there." Daryl screamed to Rick.
"Gotta keep the herd moving!"
"Not if they're going down, we don't."
Granted you never made it official with the archer. You both had an unspoken relationship. You'd flirt, steal glances at one another, and left lingering touches, but neither of you ever made a move. He regretted it. He regretted not being able to express how he felt because human bonds and emotions weren't his fortier. You both just never had the time to appreciate eachother the way you both wanted to, they way he felt you deserved to, and the way you felt he deserved to.
Not knowing if you were ok was eating him alive, he needed to make it back home to you. He needed you to know that he was madly inlove with you and wouldn't even entertain the thought of his life without you in it and he'd be damned if you or him died before he told you that he'd follow you forever. That he'd follow you to ends of the earth if you asked.
Replaying every moment you two ever shared, not forgetting one because they all meant the world to him, Daryl kept riding. He then played every horrible scenario, praying for it to never come true as he kept pushing his will to keep going.
As he was frightened that he'd lose you, the horn stopped. The loud noise left a ringing in his ears as the phantom noise of it started to dissapte. He'd only hoped that the horn stopping was a good thing.
———
Approaching the main gate once again, Morgan startled you and you turned around quickly as you rose your gun level within the center of his forehead. Dropping it immediately you hugged the man, grateful that he was safe.
Your happiness was short lived as you were then surrounded by another group of the vigilantes massacring your people. "You two. You live here?" A very dirty man asked. Morgan maneuvered his staff, creating swift and smooth motions as you raised your gun at them. Back to back, you and Morgan were ready. “Leave." The man behind you warned them.
A girl making a move on Morgan, him beating her with his staff and stopping her quick movements. The man infront you raised his gun at you but you were faster, killing him. You didn't want to but he was here, threatening your people and putting the kids in danger, and that, that you couldn't have. 'When im not there, do whatever it takes to keep you safe so I can get back to ya,' so I can still see my pretty girl, alright? Ya' here me sunshine?' You remembered the night Daryl had told you that. You remembered the look of seriousness and thoughtfulness in his eyes as he held you face in his hands. He always worried about you, even before whatever you two had going on became whatever it was.
Trying to justify you murdering a man wasn't a good thing, but if it meant that you could see Carl and Judith happy and safe, your family safe and sound behind these walls, see Daryl smile the smiles he only reserved for you, it was worth it. You had to.
After the mans body hit the floor, his friends wasted no time in coming at you and Morgan. One swung her knife to your face, again grazing your skin ever so slightly, leaving a small gash on your cheekbone.'
"You bitch." You seethed as you landed a strong, hard, blow to her face, smacking the butt of the assault rifle into her face, knocking her out. This tall lanky guy wrapped his arms around your neck, tightly squeezing but you played an already used card. Kicking his right knee as hard as you could, he hunched his body as you unsheathed your knife, jabbing it into his side. You slid underneath his grip and turned around quickly raise your knee into the bridge of his nose. Out cold. Once his other friend saw you and what you did to his friends, he cowered away, backing away from you slowly. Approaching you grabbed your knife, tossing it in seamless circles in between your fingers. You stabbed him in a part of his shoulder that you knew wouldn't cause any harm, and looked him dead in the eyes.
"Sorry, but…it's unfair that your friends got the short end of the stick and you didn't." Sliding your blade out quickly, elbowing the man in his temple, knocking him out cold. "Nevermind. Im not really sorry"
You and Morgan dragged them back outside the gates, or what was left of them, leaving them there. This is was probably cruel and you don't kill the living but that was before the living tried to kill you.
"Im going to do a quick check, make sure i didn't miss anybody" Morgan looked at you turning heel. "I'll join you" you replied following him as you walked through the streets. Stopping infront of a house with the door wide open, you and Morgan shared a look. Him stepping in first, you waited outside by the door totally disregarding your surroundings. You didn't hear what was behind you before it was too late. A gunshot rang out and you looked down. Your once white tank top, had a small hole in the center of your belly, a ring of red slowly spreading bigger and bigger as you touched your own blood. Your hand shaking as you lifted your hand to see your blood coating your fingers, Morgan was quick to shoot the man behind you.
"Oh shit." Was all you could muster out as another gunshot rang from two doors down. Oh no. Carl. Judith. Weakly running to the house with all the strength you could muster, you ran for the back door, twisting the knob to find that it was unlocked. He never locked it behind you. Goddamit. Running to the front room, wincing with each step you took, drawing more blood from your already weak body. You saw a man standing at gun point, Carl behind the gun, hand hovering over the trigger. Looking for Judith as you didn't see her anywhere in the living room, you looked at the man once again, this tim noticing that he looked to be holding something in his arms. Judith.
Moving next to Carl, you pointed your gun at the man asking for Judith. "Give me the baby and nobody has to die." Your eyes never leaving the man's grey ones, you prayed that he would hand her over, no scratch on her. He stared at you blankly, silently refusing to hand her over. "Give me the goddamn baby or so help me God, me and this boy will blow your brains out all over this damn living room." The man hesitated, considering all his possible options before coming to his conclusion. He handed her over to you, and it wasn't long before Carl shot the man dead regardless. Bullet between his eyes.
"Y/N, your bleeding." Carl took Judith from your arms as you looked down at your wound seeing significantly more blood than before. Your head spinning as you saw so much blood now covering the lower half of your shirt and waistband of your jeans. Your legs finally giving out you fell against the wall and slid down, clamping both hands to your stomach trying to slow the relentless stream of red. You needed to stay awake for Carl and Judith just incase. "Y/N!" Carl set Judith down as he rushed to your side, and held you by your shoulders.
"Hey Sheriff," you let out a breathless laugh as you looked the boy you'd grown so fond of in the eyes as he held you in your probable final moments. "Can you do me a favor?" The boy next to you just gave a simple head nod as he managed to hide the tears staining the corners of his eyes. "Tell Daryl that I love him." Carl knew that you and Daryl were complicated. He knew how big of a step this was for you as you weren’t exactly a couple who exchanged such powerful words. He was the person you told first being he was your best ‘kid’ friend, and you just wanted to pry him about Enid. He wouldn’t tell you unless you exchanged details about Daryl. He looked wise for his age and was always willing to listen. You'd always admired that about him. You had always admired Ricks kids. You’d die for them, and it seems like you were going to do just that as your vision blurred from the blood loss. Black spots clouding your vision as you looked at Judith, a small smile creeping as you locked eyes with the beautiful girl. You took a bullet trying to keep their new home safe and you’d do it ten times over.
"Tell him yourself." As if on cue, the familiar sound of a revving engine of a vehicle you had grown to love because of him, rolled through the gates. You managed to keep your eyes open for five more minutes before Rick, Glenn, and Michonne bursted through the back door. They all stopped and took in the sight of you. They looked horrified at the sight of you bleeding out in the embrace of Carl.
"Daryl! She's in here! Hurry! We need to get her to the infirmary!" Rick shouted before the all too familiar thump of boots ran into the home and to your side before you closed your eyes.
"Y/N, stay with me! You hear me?! Stay with me. Open your eyes, pretty girl. C’mon hang on just a little longer sunshine." Daryl lovingly tucked your fallen bangs that curtained your perfect face just as perfect behind your ear. Daryls words of encouragement was all you heard as you felt like you were being lifted off the ground and into the arms that had held you in secret ever so often in the dark of your room. You always loved his strong, veined, lean arms. The touch. His touch. That's all you could think of when everything went black.
———
The muffled noise of feet and soft voices was all you heard, still struggling to open your eyes. Your body refusing to wake up.
Every nerve in your body longed for the rest your fatal wound had provided you. You lacked the sleep you always chased. Peaceful nights, eight hours of well restful sleep was very hard to come by nowadays. It didn’t help that your group had spent months and months on the road after terminus, after everyone had rejoiced at the reunions that took place. You never got sleep out in the road, especially after Terminus. All the bad people who survived, just seemed to have it out for you guys, always causing problems your group didn’t need. Stealing the food you didn’t even have. You spent most rationing your rations for the kids and Daryl, you spent most nights not sleeping because the night, when no one was awake, was the only time you got with Daryl. Alone. You’d be damned if you spent those precious seconds, minutes, hours sleeping.
Your body fought the state of wake that your brain had already succumbed to. Your body was finally taking advantage of the best chnace it’d have at a good rest.
“Daryl, I think it’s time you head on home. Y’know shower, change, sleep.” Daryl had refused to leave the infirmary after he had carried you the whole way. He stayed there all night long in the most uncomfortable green chair. He refused to leave to eat, to sleep, he refused to leave your side. Just like always. The gravitational pull his body and his soul has with your own was one he would never disrupt. He enjoyed your company, your smile, your everything. He wanted to stay beside you so you could know exactly that.
You brain internally smiled as your body couldn’t wake up just yet, but your brain still processing and hearing everything any one said around you. Smiling even wider when you heard his voice.
“Nah, l gotta stay here. I wanna be the first face she sees when she wakes up. Imma stay for ‘er. Not leavin’ until she open those pretty eyes of hers.” Daryl had no shame in what he admitted to his brother Rick. Rick had known how he truly felt about you since before you both knew yourselves. He encouraged him to talk it out with you to actually make a label for yourselves. ‘Stop bein’ a kiss ass, and and tell er’ how you feel’ Daryl replayed those words all the damn time. He just never grew the balls to actually tell you.
When you woke up that’s what he planned to do. No more waiting. No more near death experiences to make him say that he wanted to spend the rest of whatever was left of his life, with the prettiest person he’s layed eyes on—you.
“Alright.” Rick left with a simple head nod to the archer as he walked out the infirmary, leaving Daryl with your resting body across from him. He’d wait as long as it took til you woke up.
After about another hour or two, Daryl’s eyes grew heavier by the second resting his head on his crossed arms close to your upper body, level with your hands that rested over your bandaged stomach. He had finally closed his eyes, his view of anything was blocked from the pitch black his thick arms created, even if his eyes were open he would be enclosed in darkness. Falling asleep, you had opened your eyes, looking around the quiet, empty room, your eyes landing on the sleeping man resting at your hip. He looked so beautiful like this. Peaceful.
Moving your left hand, you had touched his hair. His soft yet nappy hair. You loved it so much. He was finally back and you got to worship him silently in his glory.
Playing and lightly massaging his scalp, he groaned quietly at the sudden movement on his head. It took him a while to register what had been actually going on where he actually was. He lifted his head to look at you.
“Hi.” His hoarse, sleep ridden voice carried in the room. A smirk pulled at the corner of his mouth and you couldn’t fight the urge to let your eyes fall to his lips and let a smile form on your own lips as his smile was very contagious. Regardless if it was a small smirk or smile, he was always so beautifully pretty. He was so pretty, it hurt. He could definitely say the same about you.
“Hi.” Your smile growing bigger the longer your eyes lingered on his tired face and figure. Had he really stayed with you til you woke up? Of course he had. He’d wait for you no matter how long it takes. He just hoped you would do the same for him. You definitely would. “Im glad your okay.” You spoke softly as he moved from his chair to sit on your bed, moving closer to your upper body so he could be closer to the beauty that adorned your face.
“Me? Ya’ damn near almost died, and yer’ worried ‘bout me? What’d I do to deserve someone like you.” He scoffed at the thought that even when you almost died, your one and only thought had been the well being of him. Some no good white trash. You laughed but quickly faltered as you felt the pain of your addressed gunshot wound. He felt guilty that he hadn’t been there. That he wasn’t there to keep you safe. That’s all he ever wanted to do. “You scared me, sunshine.”
Dropping his head lightly to hide the frown that covered his face, you immediately reached up. Lifting his chin with your fore fingers, your expression shifted to a stern yet calming gaze. “Don’t. Don’t do that—you could’ve never known what would’ve have happened when you left. Im not going to let you blame yourself when I was the one who wasn’t paying attention to my surroundings. This isn’t on you. My carelessness isn’t your failure, Daryl.” You smiled at him, never breaking eye contact with the beautiful shade of blue that you found even prettier compared to the sky itself. “Plus, your too pretty to worry about me, Dixon. Your gonna get frown lines.” Shooting him a wink at the end of your statement. He already had frown lines, it was just the nature of his face regardless. He always had a scowl formed to his face and he got frown lines in the process. Not that they were unattractive because God—anything that man did was attractive. You worshipped the ground he walked on and nothing ever deterred you from him. Plus, it’s not the first time you’ve told him that.
He laughed, his favorite smile of yours, again..only ever reserved for you, taking up his features. “Shut up. I aint pretty. An’ im never gonna not worry about ya’.” A blush creeping on both of your cheeks, both of you getting shy around eachother. You flirted, touched eachother a little too long, and almost kissed a handful of times and you weren’t shy then, why would you be now?
“Did you stay here all night?” You looked concerned that the man was probably uncomfortable sleeping in the chair next to your bed, a blanket draped over back rest.
“Uh— Didn’t want ta’ leave yer’ pretty face in a frown when ya’ woke up to no one bein’ around. You’d give yourself frown lines.” He smiled at you as you erupted into a short laughter, your wound still being sore.
“Shut up, Dixon,” you lightly slapped his arm, trying your hardest not to smile as you didn’t want to burst the stiches on your cheek. “I adore you, you know that?” Your beaming smile warming his chest the longer he looked. He felt he might combust if you continued to be as beautiful as you are. Hell, in his opinion, it definitely wasn’t the worst way to go.
“I love ya’, ya’ know that?” He didn’t mean to be foward. He wanted to tell you slowly, affectionately, and in a more loving way than that but whenever he thought of you, no word ever came as close to describing the feeling he got whenever you were around, or whenever you were in his thoughts—all the time—better than ‘I love you.’
Your eyes never became so small, but you smiled so wide that your eyes couldn’t take the average size. Your stitches becoming stretched and super sore, but you didn’t care anymore. Looking at him was so worth it. You loved this man with your whole being and he with you. Not in a million years did you think that the end of the world would bring you such a kind, loving, gentle man like Daryl—but you couldn’t be more grateful.
“I love you, Daryl.” Daryl held your hand as you forgot the pain in your body, your senses and body being overwhelmed by his touch. A smirk playing at his lips, he opened his mouth the speak again.
“I wanna spend forever loving you. The way ya’ deserve. I wanna be the reason ya’ get up in the mornin’ because your my reason. I ain’t ever felt like this about anyone but with you it’s different. And I’on wanna spend another moment in this infirmary wishin’ I wouldve said it sooner. No more us almost dyin’ before one of us says anything. So, I wanna be your reason, your forever, and i wanna spend our forever lovin’ ya,’ til my last breath if you’ll have me.” Daryl grew embarassed and bashful that he just poured his whole heart out to you, but his embarrassment and bashfulness dissapeared when he heard you speak.
“It’s about damn time, Dixon. I was starting to think that you were only playing and joking around with me all this time.” You laughed a little, bringing him out of his shell. “I’ll have you—I want you. Forever. All of you. I’ll spend the rest of my life loving you the best I can because you, Daryl, are worthy of all the love this universe has to offer.” Lifting his hand to your mouth to place a kiss against his knuckles, you both look into eachothers eyes, finding your home, wishing for it to never disappear.
Reaching for his face, your right hand cradled his cheek, and your left hand cradled the other. You knew he knew where you were going with this, but it never hurt to ask if it was still okay. “Can I?” You whisper to the godly man infront of you, not getting an answer in return because his lips crashed into yours as you both melted into the tender and sweet kiss.
Kissing him was something that was soon going to become your favorite thing. Everything about him you loved and favorited, but nothing—nothing—could beat this. This is all you’ve ever wanted to do. Now the both of you just don’t have to hide it.
Breaking the kiss, giggling softly, he furrowed his brows. “What?”
“We should get married.” You beamed as he rolled his eyes.
“Les’ not get ahead of ourselves here, woman.” He whispered against your lips before pulling you into another kiss.
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femsolid · 2 years
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“What Freud heard was appalling. Repeatedly, his patients told him of sexual assault, abuse, and incest. Following back the thread of memory, Freud and his patients uncovered major traumatic events of childhood concealed beneath the more recent, often relatively trivial experiences that had actually triggered the onset of hysterical symptoms. By 1896, Freud believed he had found the source. In a report on eighteen case studies, entitled The Aetiology of Hysteria, he made a dramatic claim: “I therefore put forward the thesis that at the bottom of every case of hysteria there are one or more occurrences of premature sexual experience, occurrences which belong to the earliest years of childhood, but which can be reproduced through the work of psycho-analysis in spite of the intervening decades. I believe that this is an important finding, the discovery of a caput Nili in neuropathology.”
Its triumphant title and exultant tone suggest that Freud viewed his contribution as the crowning achievement in the field. Instead, the publication of The Aetiology of Hysteria marked the end of this line of inquiry. Within a year, Freud had privately repudiated the traumatic theory of the origins of hysteria. His correspondence makes clear that he was increasingly troubled by the radical social implications of his hypothesis. Hysteria was so common among women that if his patients’ stories were true, and if his theory were correct, he would be forced to conclude that what he called “perverted acts against children” were endemic, not only among the proletariat of Paris, where he had first studied hysteria, but also among the respectable bourgeois families of Vienna, where he had established his practice.
This idea was simply unacceptable. It was beyond credibility. Faced with this dilemma, Freud stopped listening to his female patients. 
The turning point is documented in the famous case of Dora. This, the last of Freud’s case studies on hysteria, reads more like a battle of wits than a cooperative venture. The interaction between Freud and Dora has been described as “emotional combat.” In this case Freud still acknowledged the reality of his patient’s experience: the adolescent Dora was being used as a pawn in her father’s elaborate sex intrigues. Her father had essentially offered her to his friends as a sexual toy. Freud refused, however, to validate Dora’s feelings of outrage and humiliation. Instead, he insisted upon exploring her feelings of erotic excitement, as if the exploitative situation were a fulfillment of her desire. In an act that Freud viewed as revenge, Dora broke off the treatment. The breach of their alliance marked the bitter end of an era of collaboration between ambitious investigators and hysterical patients. For close to a century, these patients would again be scorned and silenced. Freud’s followers held a particular grudge against the rebellious Dora, who was later described by a disciple as “one of the most repulsive hysterics” he had ever met.
Over time, Freud’s repudiation of the traumatic theory of hysteria did take on a peculiarly dogmatic quality. The man who had pursued the investigation the furthest and grasped its implications the most completely retreated in later life into the most rigid denial. In the process, he disavowed his female patients. Though he continued to focus on his patients’ sexual lives, he no longer acknowledged the exploitative nature of women’s real experiences. With a stubborn persistence that drove him into ever greater convolutions of theory, he insisted that women imagined and longed for the abusive sexual encounters of which they complained. He went on to develop a theory of human development in which the inferiority and mendacity of women are fundamental points of doctrine. In an antifeminist political climate, this theory prospered and thrived.” 
- Trauma and Recovery by Judith Herman
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woman-of-balnain · 1 year
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Possession (Alpha Rick x Omega Reader)
Prev. Work | Collection Masterlist | AO3 Ver. | Next Work
Pairing: Rick Grimes/Fem!Reader
Summary: After catching another alpha making unwanted advances on you, Rick makes the younger man watch as he claims you all over again, showing that you are indisputably his. 
Set in the early Alexandria days (s5).
A light sequel to my other story, ‘the Claim’, but this can be read independently.
A/N: If you haven’t read ‘the Claim’, basically Reader is Hershel’s daughter but can be read as any race (as in you can picture her as adopted etc.).
If you have read it, then just note that Lori still died giving birth to Judith, making Shane completely lose his sanity and he’s no longer around either (the reason why can be left up to your imagination). Like in the show, Rick has adopted Judith as his own and you both act as her parents but that is only mentioned and doesn’t play any serious role in this oneshot.
I’m really unsure about this one because the scenario is pretty fucked up lmao but hopefully it’s not complete and utter trash 😅
Warnings: A/B/O dynamics, there’s some non-consensual kissing and touching from an original male character, Rick being feral, dominant, possessive and a little bit dark, submissive reader, smut, brief orgasm delay/denial, unprotected sex, creampie, established relationship, Rick and reader are true mates, reverse-voyeurism I guess? Since Rick is literally getting off by making someone else watch... reader is female and wears traditionally female clothing.
Word Count: 3,989
Dividers by: @newlips​ + @cafekitsune​
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Rick couldn’t help but feel uneasy and keep his guard up in the early days after arriving in Alexandria. After losing the farm and then later the prison, it was only natural that the whole group felt on edge. It felt too good to be true and it reminded him a little of Woodbury, making him wonder if Alexandria was also putting up some kind of front.
 Ultimately though, Rick wanted it to be everything it presented itself as, because the group needed a win after the hell they’d all been through. So, Rick was determined to try and make it work; and he knew that he could eventually – at least once he put a certain alpha in his place.
 It hadn’t escaped his attention how a younger alpha kept hanging around you, his omega. It bothered him, deep down, that the other man was closer to you in age and the way he made you laugh and smile with whatever stupid things he was saying.
 But Rick knew that the interactions were just friendly on your part. Your eyes had never strayed in all the time you’d been together, but that didn’t subdue the possessiveness he felt over you. The problem was the other alpha, Dylan, and the clear interest he had in you, despite you being claimed by Rick long ago.
 The way he touched you – light brushes against your skin that could have easily been explained away as an accident, but Rick knew it was much more than that – it made his blood boil. Rick had seen you grow uncomfortable more than once, but your new job, assigned to you by Deanna, meant that you would have to work closely with the other alpha. He didn’t like it, but he knew that he had nothing solid to prove that Dylan was doing anything wrong. At least not yet.
 His irritation only got worse when he came back to the house you’d been given, early in the evening one day after he’d been discussing things with Deanna. Because the first thing he saw was Carol, holding Judith, and no sign of you. The two of you had adopted the little girl as your own after Lori’s death, so the fact that you weren’t the one looking after her was out of the ordinary. His eyes scanned the rest of the living room, but you were nowhere to be found and it set him on edge.
 “She went off to help someone,” the beta woman told him calmly, sensing his uneasiness.
 “Who?” He grit out, already knowing the likely answer.
 “Dylan,” she replied with a hint of trepidation, knowing he wouldn’t like it. “Wanted some advice on that wild horse that was brought in.”
 It was a logical reason to ask for your help, since you had plenty of experience with horses due to growing up on the farm. Not to mention the fact that Dylan was in charge of looking after any livestock in Alexandria and you were tasked with working alongside him. But Rick knew there had to be an ulterior motive on the other alpha’s part, so he didn’t even say another word to Carol before he turned and headed back out the door in search of you. 
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You were in the stables of Alexandria, stroking along the nose of the wild, yet beautiful mare that had been successfully captured, trying to calm it as it grew restless in its stall.
 “I’ll try to spend some time with her every day,” you told Dylan, your attention still on the mare. “Gain her trust first before we try to do anything with her.”
 “Thanks, Y/N,” the young alpha replied, moving closer to you.
 His arm brushed against yours and you tried to ignore the uncomfortable feeling growing inside of you. You turned to face him and tried to put some distance between you both, but he just kept coming closer.
 “You know,” he said, getting right up in your space. “It’s gonna be really nice having you around here to help.”
 “Uh… thanks?” You replied, dread filling you at the way he wouldn’t stop coming closer and closer.
  “And it’s just an added bonus that you’re easy on the eyes,” he continued, looking you up and down.
 He had backed you up against the nearest wall and now his scent was all around you. It was suffocating and unpleasant, because it wasn’t Rick’s familiar and comforting scent. The fear just grew inside you at the lack of your alpha’s presence.
 “Dylan... Rick will lose it if he hears you say something like that,” you warned, knowing better than anyone just how protective your alpha could be.
 “That old man?” He scoffed, causing anger to rise within you. “What’s he gonna do?”
 Dylan pressed his body against yours and you struggled, trying to move away, but he took hold of your arms and pinned you in place.
 “Come on, Omega,” he tried to convince you and you hated the way that word sounded coming from his mouth. “You need a real Alpha. One who can keep up with you.”
 If only he knew… you thought to yourself, thinking that you were the one usually left exhausted as you tried to keep up with Rick’s stamina.
 “What?” You asked, with annoyance, trying to mask your discomfort. “Someone like you? Give me a break…”
 “Don’t worry,” he snarled, his face so close that you were forced to look him in the eye. “I’ll make you forget him. I’ll make it so the only name you remember is mine.”
 “Seriously,” you fought against him again. “Just cut it out. You don’t want to see him angry.”
 “You reek of him,” was Dylan’s only response.
 “What do you expect? He’s my mate.”
 “That’s never stopped me before,” he grinned.
 He pushed his hips against you so that you could feel how excited he was by the idea. It only repulsed you and made you turn your head away in disgust.
 “Please, don’t do this…” you pleaded with him, truly scared now as you realised the full depth of his intentions.
 “That’s right,” he chuckled darkly. “Beg, little Omega.”
 Then he took hold of your face roughly, turning it back to look at him before his lips forced themselves onto yours. You kicked your legs and grunted against him in anger, trying desperately to get away, but his hold on you was steadfast and you weren’t able to escape.
 You hated it, every fibre of your being screaming out that this was wrong and wondering where the hell Rick was. It was more than just another man forcing himself on you. It was like trying to mess with nature, because the claiming bite Rick had placed on your neck linked you to him intrinsically. It joined you physically and emotionally, so another man touching you was like torture.
 You gasped for air, relief filling your body when Dylan’s body was ripped away from yours. The relief didn’t last long, though, because you caught sight of your alpha, enraged and completely out of control. You wiped the back of your hand against your mouth, wishing you could erase what had just happened.
 Rick was fuming and pushed the other alpha to the ground before plummeting his fists into the younger alpha’s face. His eyes were feral with an untamed fury over another man touching you in that way.
 “Rick…” you called out softly, trying to get his attention.
 Despite his anger being completely warranted, and the way you still felt disgusted over the other alpha’s unwanted touch, you needed Rick to calm down. Because if he didn’t, it could jeopardise the new home you had all found.
 But Rick either didn’t hear you or refused to listen, continuing to brutally beat the other alpha down into the ground. You winced when you heard the tell-tale sound of bones breaking and saw the way Dylan’s head whipped to the side from the force of Rick’s assault.
 When most of the younger man’s face was a mix of dark bruising and bright, red blood, Rick finally let up, his chest heaving and his eyes still absolutely feral. He stood up, leaving Dylan on the ground, the younger man coughing and wheezing in his defeat.
 Then Rick’s gaze met your terrified one and his expression softened as he made his way over to you. His eyes and hands searched you frantically, making sure that you were okay, and you looked at the broken skin of his knuckles with concern.
 “Baby, I’m sorry,” his voice cracked as he spoke, and then he was resting his forehead against yours.
 “F-for what?” You stammered out, still in shock from it all.
 “I wasn’t here,” he elaborated, his hands resting protectively on your hips. “To stop him from doing that to you."
 “You’re here now,” you pointed out, your fingers stroking soothing patterns across his cheek. “But… you shouldn’t have done that. Won’t Deanna get mad?”
 You looked over at the other alpha, still lying on the ground, but now unmoving. Seeing the way your concern only deepened, Rick followed your gaze and his mood darkened again. He moved away from you, striding back over to the man who was the reason for his current rage.
 Bending down, he grabbed hold of the collar of the younger man’s shirt with one hand, pulling him up slightly before he hit across Dylan’s face with his other hand. The other alpha startled back awake with a groan, eyes barely keeping open from how swollen they’d become.
 Rick pulled him up, dragging his body until it was propped up against the wall that he’d previously held you against. Then, he bent right down to look straight into the other alpha’s eyes, every part of him seething as he was only just holding back from killing the younger man.
 “No, you don’t get to pass out,” Rick drawled out, voice low and gruff with barely restrained fury. “You’re gonna watch. You’re gonna see everything and take it all in until you understand that she’s mine. And afterwards, assuming that you get to live, if you ever even look at her again, I’ll do more than just break your jaw.”
 You stared at your alpha with confusion, wondering what exactly he intended for the other man to see. Then Rick stepped back before turning to look at you again and the unrestrained lust that entered his eyes as he took you in made you both nervous and excited.
 “Rick…” you said again, backing up and away from him.
 He stalked you like you were his prey, but it was different to when the other alpha had done it. Because Rick was yours and you were his. And sooner or later, he would have you however he wanted you. Your back hit resistance and you realised that you were trapped again, but now there was only desire and anticipation filling you at the thought of what he had in mind.
 “Omega,” he said lowly, caging your body with his. “Tell me what he said to you. What he wanted to do.”
 Your eyes widened at his request, but you had never seen him so completely feral, so raw with anger. Reluctantly, you decided to obey him, not wanting to push him any further.
 “He…”
 You faltered, feeling nervous, but Rick gave you a reassuring look, telling you he wouldn’t be angry. Not with you anyway.
 “He… he said he would show me what a real alpha is like…” you admitted hesitantly.
 Rick’s gaze darkened, but he didn’t interrupt. You didn’t like repeating it, but deep down, in the darkest depths of your mind, you enjoyed how possessive he was of you. That alone gave you the courage to continue.
 “He wanted to take me, despite the fact I’m yours. Wanted me to beg him to stop…”
 You looked away, but that was enough for Rick. He gently turned your head back to face him and rubbed his thumb over your bottom lip tenderly.
 “I’m here now,” he repeated your earlier words. “I won’t let anything happen to you.”
 You nodded, trusting him completely and he leaned forward, bringing his lips to yours. The familiar, but no less perfect sensation made all of the tension you felt fade away. His mouth reclaimed your own, washing away any traces of the other alpha and reminding you that you were Rick’s and his alone. His to claim, his to protect and his to love.  
 Just like every other time that he kissed you, the world around you seemed to melt away and you forgot that you weren’t alone. You forgot everything except for Rick. So, you gave no resistance when his hands moved up your thighs and under your skirt. Your only reaction was to let your hips buck up with need when his fingers came into contact with your core.
 He pushed your flimsy panties to the side, allowing him to feel you properly and tease you senseless. You quickly grew wet, your body perfectly tuned to respond eagerly to his touch. Rick knew exactly what you wanted, understanding what drove you towards euphoric release.
 He thrust his fingers inside of you, while his thumb moved over your clit, applying just the right amount of pressure. It rubbed in circular motions, occasionally flicking over the sensitive nub to stimulate you further. You moaned shamelessly, clinging to the soft lapels of his jacket.
 It was that dark brown suede one, with the woollen collar that he always seemed to be wearing when he unleashed his anger on someone, after they pissed him off. Seeing him in it, earlier that day, that should have been a warning sign telling you that something bad was going to happen.
 But in that moment, he had never looked more desirable as his head pulled back and you took in the raw lust in his piercing blue eyes. Tendrils of his curly hair fell down onto his face and his lips were swollen from the force of the kiss you’d just shared. He was determined to prove a point and it left you aching for him.
 “You’re so wet, ‘mega,” he groaned out, fingers still plunging in and out of your pussy. “Just for me, right?”
 “Only for you, Alpha,” you responded instantly, biting down on your lower lip in an attempt to stifle your moans.
 “What do you want, baby?” He asked, fingers curling inside of you. “Tell me.”
 “I want you,” was your breathless reply. “I need you. Your cock… inside me...”
 “Beg for it.”
 “What?” You asked, in a daze.
 Rick pulled his fingers from you abruptly, ignoring the way you whined at the sudden empty feeling they left behind. He grabbed hold of you, turning you around until you were facing the other alpha – the man you’d forgotten was even there. He was still conscious but barely keeping his eyes open. Yet, his attention was fixed on the two of you.
 “Oh god…” you whispered with embarrassment at the sudden reminder of his presence.
 “Did you forget we had company, baby?” Rick asked, pressing his chest against your back as his arms held tightly to your waist. “He’s going to watch you come undone. He’s going to learn that you’re mine. Only mine.”
 “Rick…”
 “I told you, sweetheart,” he continued. “If you want my cock, you have to ask for it. Give him what he wanted, let him hear you beg. For me.”
 “Fuck,” you groaned in response, unable to deny how turned on you were by his show of dominance.
 Rick pushed down on your back, bending you forward slightly as his leg moved between yours. Your thighs spread instantly, letting him settle between them and his strong hands pushed your skirt up so that you were fully exposed to him.
 Then he we went still, holding you there but no longer moving. You realised what he was waiting for, but it was humiliating to think of begging him in front of someone else.
 “Omega,” he warned.
 One of his hands left you and you heard the tell-tale sign of him unbuckling his belt. Just the thought of him being so close but unwilling to touch you until you did as he demanded broke your resolve.
 “Oh god,” you whined out, desperate for his touch. “Please, Rick…”
 The sound of his belt hitting the floor from behind you made you even more needy, because he still wasn’t touching you how you wanted him to.
 “You can do better than that, ‘mega,” he replied calmly.
 “Please, Alpha. Please fuck me, I need it.”
 You no longer cared that you had an audience. Rick was an expert at making you come undone for him and you were at the point where you’d do anything that he asked if it meant he would give you what you so desperately craved. A deep moan escaped you when he took hold of your hips, pressing you back against him.
 You realised that his pants were pulled down, allowing his hardened length to rub against you tantalisingly. But it wasn’t enough. He wasn’t where you ached for him to be.
 “Go on,” he coaxed you with a groan, wanting more. “Tell me what you need.”
 “I need your cock,” you replied obediently. “Only yours.”
 “Why?”
 “Because… oh, fuck,” you faltered briefly as his erection brushed against your clit. “Because you’re the only one who can make me feel good.”
 “That’s right,” he agreed, pleased with your words. “And where do you want it, baby?”
 “Rick!” You whined, unable to comprehend how he was so composed or how he still wasn’t satisfied.
 “Tell me,” he insisted, one hand tugging at your hair and pulling your head back.
 “I need your cock inside me,” you gave in. “Deep inside my pussy. Please, please, please… I need it so badly!”
 “Such a dirty mouth,” he let out a light laugh.
 “Rick, please, I can’t take it anymore.”
 “Okay, baby,” he soothed you, lining himself up at your entrance. “Since you begged me so nicely.”
 He didn’t wait for a response, thrusting into you hard and fast, his cock pushing in, right to the hilt. The moan that escaped you was primal and desperate as your pussy clenched around him in response.
 “See how well she responds to me?” Rick asked, no longer talking to you.
 Your eyes fluttered shut and you attempted to block it out. But it was impossible, because your body was so acclimated to taking in his every word.
 “You know,” he continued, still pounding into you from behind. “She’s still just as tight as the first time I fucked her. This pussy was made for me. Enjoy the show, because this is the only time you’ll ever see her like this.”
 “Rick,” you cried out, going crazy from the way he was speaking. “Oh god, don’t stop!”
 It ashamed you how much it turned you on. You were absolutely dripping, not only from his actions, but from his possessive display of dominance.
 “Hear that?” He continued taunting the other man. “This is how an alpha fucks his omega. And you? All you can do is watch.”
 “Please, I’m so close…” you begged, your mind in an absolute daze.
 “No,” Rick denied, his words now meant for you. “You don’t get to cum until I tell you to.”
 You whined obstinately, but you both knew that he had you wrapped around his finger and that you’d do whatever he said. Your body rocked forward with every brutal thrust, and he knew exactly what he was doing to you, but he still had a point to prove.
 “She’s mine,” Rick grit out, sounding like he was getting closer to the edge – of both his release and his sanity. “Every single part of her is attuned to me. If she begs, it’ll be because I tell her to. The only alpha she’s ever gonna know is me.”
 It was like a sweet sense of euphoria when his hand moved down between your legs, and he brought his attention back to your aching clit.
 “You’re so good to me, aren’t you baby?” He praised, his lips right by your ear.
 “Yes,” you replied, desperate to cum. “Yes, only for you, Rick.”
 His thumb rubbed over your sensitive nub and your pussy contracted around him in response.
 “That’s it,” he coaxed you, voice low and reverberating through his chest against your back. “Cum for me sweetheart, let me feel you squeezing around me.”
 “Fuck!” You moaned out desperately as he flicked his thumb over your clit and sent your body crashing over the edge.
 Rick let out desperate sounds of his own as he pushed into you deeply, holding you steady against him. Then, the hand he still had holding onto your hair forced your head to tilt to the side, offering your neck to him.
 His head bent down and his lips came into contact with your mating gland before he sunk his teeth into the skin, reclaiming you so that there would be no doubt about who you belonged to. You couldn’t stop yourself from letting out a scream – it was partly from pain, as the old wound was reopened, but mostly it was from a deep and intense sense of pleasure as he re-staked his claim.
 Then you felt his cock twitch before he came deep inside of you, his other hand resting over your lower abdomen possessively. Rick kept you close to him, making sure you took every last drop while his tongue soothed the spot on your neck that would always keep you tied together.
 He traced light patterns along your stomach, comforting you as you both came down from your high. Eventually, he pressed one last kiss to your sensitive gland before pulling back and sliding out of you. He fixed your skirt, moving it back down before he righted his own clothing, pulling his pants back up and covering himself again.
 You swayed a little on the spot, still in a bit of a daze. He seemed instantly aware of how exhausted and spent your body was, because he wrapped his arms around you, turning you to face him.
 “You’re okay, sweetheart,” he promised. “I’ve got you.”
 Your head fell to his chest, and you let out a content sigh as he pulled you into a protective hug. When your body had settled and you were able to support yourself, Rick pulled away and brought his attention back to the other alpha.
 Dylan began breathing heavily as Rick walked back over to him. But he was so beaten, bloody and bruised that he couldn’t seem to say anything. You watched as your alpha gave him one last, hard punch to the face, knocking him out cold again.
 “Rick, this is not good,” you said, reality and all its repercussions coming back to you. “Once Deanna finds out –”
 “Hey,” he cut you off, moving back over to you. “I’ll take care of it. Don’t worry, okay?”
 His expression had softened again, and he reached out to take your hands in his. You wanted to trust him, because he’d never let you down before, but Alexandria was so different to what you’d experienced since the loss of the farm, and you didn’t want to lose the sense of security and normalcy that it provided.
 “Y/N,” he held your gaze, his voice filled with conviction. “I love you. I won’t let anything happen to you.”
 You couldn’t hold back a smile at his words, and you nodded, letting your instinct to trust him overcome all of your doubts.
 “I love you too,” you replied softly.
He grinned in response, pulling you closer and capturing your lips in a gentle and loving kiss. As usual, everything else seemed to fade away until all that was left was Rick and your unwavering faith in him.
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Next Work
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the-garbanzo-annex-jr · 5 months
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Anyway back to the scheduled program: a massive congratulations to all of you who have denied rape by Hamas. You have set the clock back on women’s rights against sexual violence even further than it was before. You’re a bunch of fakes. Here’s a note about rape denial. Perpetrators who are successful in discrediting their victims do so because they have dehumanized their victims, and this dehumanization becomes echoed by a world that sides with the perpetrator. That is what Hamas has achieved. The total dehumanization of its victims. Posters ripped down. Rapes denied.
Trauma specialist Judith Herman writes:
"When the traumatic events are of human design, those who bear witness are caught in the conflict between victim and perpetrator. It is morally impossible to remain neutral in this conflict. The bystander is forced to take sides. It is very tempting to take the side of the perpetrator. All the perpetrator asks is that the bystander do nothing.… The victim, on the contrary, asks the bystander to share the burden of pain."
History shows us that we need movements around women in order to protect our rights and our bodies. What is happening currently with the denial of sexual violence against women in Israel sets all women back. And it does so by design. Women who are victims of the October 7 attacks are far less likely to come forward and testify knowing how the world has taken enormous pleasure in the suffering of Jewish women, and in the sordid details. Efforts to seek justice often require further traumatization, too. Perpetrators of trauma know this.
The more evidence against the perpetrator, the more extreme lengths the perpetrator has to go to deny the truth, and instead to focus on humiliating the victims, for there is great social currency in this. As we have seen even before this war, rape has become a subject of sickening entertainment on apps like TikTok. Hamas know this too. Hamas know that the more Israel issues evidence, the more those who take glee in the rapes will post their depraved responses. Does that mean we should stop releasing evidence? Absolutely not.
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The element of joy found in extreme prejudice is a crucial element of both antisemitism and misogyny. When the two are combined, the effect is nuclear. By the way, this is all fairly textbook stuff. What's shocking is that it should be familiar to and recognized by every feminist. And it's not, because the movement protects all women, except Jews. Jews are imperfect victims. Israel is an imperfect victim. Israel doesn’t just roll over and die when she’s attacked. So Israel’s a little hard to get behind.
The world denies the sexual violence by Hamas because it sides with Hamas, and if it were to accept these acts there is no possible way the world could remain a bystander. All arrows point in the direction of Israel as the victim. Hamas is the perpetrator of unspeakable acts.
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There is no justification for Hamas's continued existence, or any group of people who support Hamas. Whereas Israel has a right to exist free from such crimes against humanity, and Israel is perfectly within its rights to wage this war. Rape denial is part of the brainwashing. The only way to continue to ignore Israel's victimization is to discredit the individuals targeted by Hamas on October 7 and since. And failing that, mocking and humiliating the victims and/or anyone who speaks out in their defense, or dehumanizing us with libelous claims (racist! TERF! ZIONIST! — OK that one’s true). They can single us out as "Zionists" and warp the definition of Zionism to suit their needs, but it doesn't absolve them. Those who participate in such antisemitic rhetoric are no longer mere bystanders, but active assailants to the perpetrators, ie Hamas.
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arithmonym · 21 days
Note
hiiii yes please i would love recs for camilla grief fics
here you are, anon! i limited myself to eight fics, but i’m still going to put this post under a read more, haha.
Canon Compliant:
something dead that doesn’t know it’s dead by quadrille
Judith silently makes another internal note for her subdermal report: Camilla Hect is in denial to the point of delusion. Suspect I cannot get through to her. A useful asset but a broken one.
(A character study slash grief study focused on Camilla Hect, set during As Yet Unsent.)
as I surrender unto sleep by patiencespardon
Camilla attempts to wrangle her insomnia back under her control. Or, a meditation on grief, devotion, and things left unsaid.
Send Your Name Up: Postmortem associations in the Post-Resurrection Myriad, a multidisciplinary review by JeanLuciferGoHard
Camilla Hect picks up the pieces in the wake of Canaan House.
Twin Human Highway Flares by JeanLuciferGoHard
God is forever. A tape reel holds about eight hours. The world is ending in five days. You can lay in the dark in the bath for maybe sixty minutes before something else happens instead.
In which Camilla has a time.
your bones picked clean and the clean bones gone by pipistrelle
Deuteros is keeping a record of her captivity; I may as well do the same. I have no way to record this, but you'll want the data, when you're back. So I'm remembering it.
(Some of Cam's thoughts during "As Yet Unsent")
the hands that beckon by friendamedes
Camilla Hect takes a bath, thinks about the Warden, and has an awkward conversation with Nona.
Alternate Universe:
a pain star has entered your house by valancytrinit
She and Sextus always made each dive look like the natural currents of a river. Of course they moved that way, it’s how they were meant to, it’s how everything was meant to.
Looking at her now, Pyrrha can see the pain as it sits in Camilla's collarbones, in her throat, in the hands she’s hiding in her pockets, clenched into fists. She knows that’s how it feels to be cut off from the mouth of the river.
a grave, deep and narrow by arithmonym
Only Lyctors were meant to leave the First House alive. Ianthe insists on bringing Coronabeth; Judith dies of her injuries. Camilla is stranded alone at Canaan House — alone, except for the persistent hallucinations of her necromancer.
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queeoretician · 8 months
Text
Initial thoughts on The Unwanted Guest below the cut:
Well, damn. There sure is a lot going on here, and I'm all about it.
Front and centre is the concept of the permeability of the soul, and there's so damn much to chew on around that. Then we have Dulcie! Dulcie! She and Pal finally get to talk, both dead but still kicking! She would have liked Gideon! And we get more direct insight into Ianthe's psychology, which is a nasty little treat.
The first place my mind went was to Paul - if Pal and Cam were already experiencing memory transference, then maybe they saw some kind of soul merger as inevitable, and that was another push towards doing it intentionally, doing it right. But writing it down now I'm less sure of that inference. And the fact that Pal and Dulcie got to talk, really talk, was both wonderful and all the more bittersweet if (I'm assuming) Pal's and Cam's individual souls no longer exist to reunite with Dulcie in Alecto. I have to say, when I first read Nona I didn't really get why people found the birth of Paul to be so sad, but I've come around on it since then. (I should write more about that sometime...)
Regarding the permeability of Ianthe's soul, one thing that occurred to me is that her genderfuckery vibes over the past two books are probably not Ianthe Tridentarius's identity, but a new thing formed of the (imbalanced) gestalt that is Ianthe Naberius. I really hope Alecto gives us more on gender and lyctorhood and soul permeability! I imagine this is all the more jarring for Ianthe with how she's so deeply anchored to her relationship with Corona, to find her ego boundaries to be permeable in relation to Babs. I firmly believe her shell-shocked reaction to the birth of Paul was at least in part her thinking "oh shit, did I eat the wrong person?" If she had wanted this kind of erosion of self with anyone (and I'm not sure she did), it would have been Corona. Having it happen with Babs by accident is a real slap in the face.
Which brings me back to my wild theory for Alecto - Corona will (at least try to) pull a Paul with Judith, and Ianthe will utterly lose her shit. This story really underscored just how little Ianthe understands her sister, which we already saw some of in the embassy scene. Sure, Corona isn't the flawless sword hand that Babs was, but in BoE she's shown herself to be a canny operator and a decent fighter, which Ianthe is steadfastly in denial of. At the end of the day I believe the story of Ianthe will be of someone who loved without understanding, who put her love up on a pedestal and at the same time belittled her as someone both more and less than she actually was.
Another thing that I latched onto was the argument about whether lyctors' cavaliers' souls provide a truly perpetual source of energy or not. Ianthe was pretty adamant that they do, but that honestly came across as arrogance or bravado. There's a strong parallel between lyctoral power and nuclear power, and all kinds of nuclear activity eventually reach a point past which they no longer emit appreciable energy, so I feel confident in saying that lyctoral power also diminishes over a long enough timespan. I'm less sure of whether this will come up in Alecto, though - I would be quite surprised if we saw a 100,000-year timeskip (but if we did that could be super fucking interesting).
Back to more direct applications of soul permeability, I have to imagine there's been some exchange of something between Jod and Alecto, at least before he locked her in the Tomb. That could go in all kinds of interesting directions that I haven't yet had a chance to contemplate adequately.
Speaking of Alecto, the John chapters of Nona seem like a pretty clear case of transference between her and Harrow. I wonder - were those happening concurrently with the Nona chapters? If so, it would make for a nice symmetry between Harrow and Alecto/Nona.
Either way, we've got a gross messy soul transference hookup graph with Gideon<-->Harrow<-->Alecto<-->John (gross) - I'm dying to know more about what this means for each of them (especially with Tazmuir's "if Gideon's soul is a happy meal" line from this interview).
So as usual, Aaaaaaa there's so much to chew on and so much more I want to know and I can't wait for Alecto aaaaaa...
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unadulterated-syd · 2 years
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Warnings: Mention of death, nothing heavy. Prison-Carl and reader. Un-edited
Synopsis; Just some fluff. I wish Carl was my best friend irl, so I write instead.
A/n: Sorry for so much Carl writing he's just comfort rn so. :) <3
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What was the point? It breaks out. Things change. Your mom was gone, your father barely alive by now, a war created for no reason. A fight you wished would've ended before it began. But it didn't.
Life wasn't that easy, especially not now. All you needed to do was stay close to those who meant anything to you.
But you hadn't realized how broken this could leave you. When you'd watched him take your fathers life before you, all you could do was sob. It was loss, after loss. You couldn't bare another one.
But as the prison was ruined you were separated with Rick, and Carl. You being the one to find Judiths empty babyseat. Their reactions only made it all more surreal. This was the end, wasn't it.
Rick was badly injured, which led you all in a hurry to scramble for a secure place. Carl was angry, that much was rather obvious. Rick was defeated, you knew he blamed himself.
Sometimes it felt like he gave up on himself, that's why Carl resented him so much. Rick gave up, and Carl was left to build himself back up without his dad. You got both sides, really.
You settled in, you and Carl clearing the place after convincing Rick to rest. You'd been fortunate to find a small first aid kit, which you'd given to him.
And, after barricading everything the three of you decided resting was best, Rick sleeping on the couch after lots of convincing, whilst you and Carl sat on the floor in front of it.
You could feel his eyes on you, you didn't want to talk about your dad, and he didn't want to talk about Judith. But, you both knew it was healthy to. And you'd rather it'd be between the two of you, than someone else.
You and Carl had gotten along well, really well in fact. The two of you were close friends by now, you both being close to the same age, and having similar experiences by now.
You'd been lucky to be sheltered, but you'd been the only one to tell your sisters and dad that the walkers needed put down. You knew that biters were no longer the people they once were, you couldn't be in denial if it was something that could kill you.
But, you'd both lost your moms, though you'd argue Carl's experience must've been horrifically different. Your dads both put everyone before them, it was something you both struggled with. You were similar. He got you, and you got him.
You sighed, looking at Rick, who was fast asleep now. You then, turned to face Carl, meeting his eyes. "Are you okay?" You felt your face falter as you asked the question.
"No. But you aren't either." He said shrugging, looking you up and down, before looking at his hands, folded in between his bent knees. "Do you think everyone's okay?"
You looked at his hands, "No. But I hope they are. My dad would've told me to pray now." You laughed weakly, Carl smiling at that. "I guess you aren't going to then?"
"God, no." You smiled, it fading as you thought about Maggie and Beth. You hoped they were okay, them and Judith, and Glenn and Daryl, and everyone. Your family.
"Yeah, I never really believed in that stuff." He shrugged. "Me neither, definitely not now." You continued, looking away from his hands. "Even if god was real, he'd owe us an apology now." He nodded, "Yeah."
"Do you want to talk about it?" He looked at you again, continuing on your previous conversation. "About my dad? No. Maybe. I don't know." You sighed, looking at him to see a smile on his face. "What?"
"You're weird, that's all. " He said, shrugging, before slumping down more, pushing Rick's hat further down over his face. "We should probably sleep. We can be boring tomorrow." He joked.
"Yeah, alright." You sat up a bit, leaning your back against the couch as you found a comfortable spot to sleep. Finally, your stirring slowed down and you fell asleep.
The next morning you woke up to sunlight hitting your face, the most blissful way you'd awoken since the beginning of all this. You looked to your side, seeing Carl and Rick still fast asleep.
You quietly got up, careful not to disturb them as you did so. You made your way through the backdoor, moving the furniture from it before doing so. You shut the door carefully, walking to the steps as you sat down on them. You enjoyed mornings, you couldn't believe you used to sleep through them so often.
Time only began to matter when you couldn't tell it, it only mattered when life was barely livable. You recalled a lot of things you'd always taken for granted, including your dad. He had been such a great soul, if only evil had refrained from taking him.
His kindness would be the death of him, really. And that's what made you regret the people you walked the planet with. There was only so much good left, and you were just glad to be with some of that good.
You heard rustling in the house, you quickly moved your hand to your thigh, pulling your knife from its holder before standing up. You opened the door, quickly worried for Rick and Carl. But, as soon as you opened the door you found yourself staring down the barrel of a gun.
"Y/n?" Carl sighed, putting his gun down. "Carl, what the hell?" You whisper shouted at him as you put your knife away, giving him time to slip out the backdoor and shut it back. "I woke up and you were gone, I was just trying to find you."
He slid his gun back in its holster, before looking back at you, "What are you doing out here anyway?" He pushed his hat down slightly, so he could see through the sunlight. "It was just nice out, sorry I scared you."
"I was going to go search for food and stuff, you wanna come?" He looked at you, as he began walking down the porch steps. "Yeah, is your dad up?" "No."
You followed him around, both of you going through little obstacles here and there, but overall living to tell the tale. Your day ended on a roof, with a huge can of pudding.
"Beth would've killed us if she saw us up here." Carl grinned, looking at you as he ate a spoonful of pudding. "Oh my god we'd never hear the end of it." You agreed, chuckling at him.
"I know.. this all sucks and everything, but, I mean. I'm glad we met, Carl. You make it more.. worth it I guess?" You looked out over the other houses, hoping it didn't become awkward. "Me too. I mean, but you." He smiled, "Don't get too sappy, we have like.. a lot more pudding."
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sublimecatgalaxy · 2 years
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HI BEAUTY!!
daryl dixon fic request! plz do whatever you feel like doing and whatever you’re comfortable with<3
so like a prison era daryl right and he’s in the mood but the readers got some news?
<3 duck:)
literally my best friend here. go give @duckmania127 lots of love.
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"Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck." I know that swearing isn't helping my situation at all but this waiting isn't getting any easier as the minutes tick on. I'm sweating, my hands shaking in my lap as I look over the three pregnancy tests on the cell floor, my heart practically pounding in my throat. I can't even fathom what's happened, I know that I'm not dreaming but I barely feel awake.
My brain tries to distract myself, thinking of the possibiltiy of having a child, making Judith a little best friend and someone for Carl to play with. These people were my family, Daryl is my family, but what were they going to think of me? Were they going to judge me for not being careful enough, for being careless with Daryl?
We're in love, shit happens, condoms break.
Count to ten, take a deep breath, relax...
My eyes seem to be stuck on the wall, tracing the lines of the brick with every breath I take, counting, waiting for the timer in front of me to go off. I'm thankful Daryl's out on a run with Glenn and Rick knowing that if he was here and aware of my concerns that he would panic more than I am. He's always claimed that he had nothing paternal about him especially given the two father-like roles in his life, his father and Merle.
I don't know who's more unprepared between the two of us.
I wonder if he'll be angry at me, if he'll yell or scream at me.
There's not a reason in my head for me to think that but it's the only thing running through my head. I'm angry at me, my mind running through all the times we've had sex, trying to pin point what time did it. Was it the time in the watch tower, the time in the showers, or what about the time when we were out on a run?
Fuck, it was probably the time we found the motel a few miles out. Rick thought we were dead because we came home a day late all due to the fact that I couldn't walk properly. I finally had to tell Maggie that I was not hurt and that I indeed just had my back blown out like three times.
The mans got stamina, what can I say?
The buzzer makes me jump, my whole body jolting as I quickly fumble to turn the ringing off before it woke up anyone in my block. I take a deep, anxious breath as I hesitate, not wanting to turn over the tests.
They're just lines on a piece of plastic, that's it.
Groaning, I flip them over, my eyes landing on the six lines staring up at me, bile rising up my throat as I immediately swipe the tests away from me, angry tears rising to my eyes.
"Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck." I cry, fingers weaving through my hair as my mind runs, my lips bleeding and raw from biting at them. I'm quickly thrown into the five stages of grief all at once but sticking around denial for the most part.
Moments later, I finally find the courage to grasp the tests between my hands, moving to set them in a box under the bed. I'd have to show them to Daryl, I know that, but I need somewhere safe to put them, out of sight, out of mind.
"Hey." My head whips around to look at Daryl, standing in the doorway with his forearms resting against either side of the door. I gulp, scrambling to my feet as he smiles, meeting me in the middle to wrap his arms around my waist. My toes lift off of the ground as he holds me tightly to him, my fingers tangling in his hair. He presses frantic kisses against the bare skin of my shoulder, overwhelmed with happiness just by seeing me. "Missed you." He whispers, pulling back to cup my cheeks as my feet touch the ground. My rapid, anxious heartbeat calms a bit at the sight of his eyes, loving the bashful smile on his lips. "You look upset." His brows furrow as I shake my head, leaning forward to capture his lips.
He hums, fingers trailing down my cheeks to my neck, all the way down my body to rest on my hips. Pulling me flush against him, I let out a breathy moans as he walks me backwards, one of his hands pushing the cell door closed with bang. By the time my back hits the wall, his hands are in my hair, his lips parting mine as he groans.
Reality check, Y/n, come back to reality.
Abruptly, I pull back, nausea once against consuming me as he frantically looks over my expression, his hands sliding away from me to rest on the wall behind me. His eyes are full of concern and confusion, nose bumping against mine as my eyes flutter shut.
"What's goin' on? Talk to me." I nod, trying my best to fight back the tears pricking at the backs of my eyelids but they quickly seep out and down my cheeks. "Come on, woman, you're scaring me." He mutters, pulling away from me completely as I reach down to take his hands.
"I just need you to listen to me." I clear my throat, leading Daryl over to the bed silently as I sit him down. He waits patiently, sweaty hands rubbing over his thighs.
"If it's that time'a month and you don't wanna do nothing, just say so." He teases, trying to cut the tension in the room as I laugh tearily, tucking some strands of hair behind my hears. "Jus' know a period stops nothin' but a sentence." His words make my whole body relax as I reach down for the box under the bed.
"I'm gonna show you something and I need you to take a breath first and not yell at me." I scoff, sitting down beside him crosslegged as he reaches out, placing his hand on my shoulder as his eyes find mine.
"Yell at you- what? Why would I ever raise my voice at you?" He asks but I shrug, waving his concern off but he just continues. "Never. If I ever raise my voice at you, you better put me in my place, you got that?" My heart warms, my overall anxiety diminishing a bit as I hand him the box, my eyes staring at the lid.
"I just want you to keep an open mind." I scoot away from him a bit as he blinks a few times, eyes directed at the box as he lifts the top, eyes immediately locking with the objects of my anxiety. "My gut instinct is to apologize to you. I know how you feel about kids and how you feel about being a dad, I know it's not what you want." My words feel strangled as I try to take another deep breath but nausea stifles my comfort again.
I watch him carefully as he stares, his fingers reaching into the box to lift one of the tests in his shaky hands, his head bobbing in a simple nod. I can't tell if he's going to blow up, cry or laugh. I can't gauge him, I can't read him and it's what makes this the scariest moment of the day.
"You're telling me I actually managed to knock you up?" He asks, the joking tone behind his voice makes my eyes widen, my lips parting in confusion. He sets the tests down, but his eyes stay locked on them. "Fuck I wonder which time did it." We have the same mind. I allow myself to laugh, reaching up to wipe my eyes as he laughs along with me, his chest rumbling as he strips himself of his vest.
"I know it's not what you want, Daryl-"
"Ever stop to think for one second that you're the only thing I want." He cuts me off simply, my brows pulling together as I point to the box as if he didn't actually see or read them.
"Daryl I'm pregnant-"
"C'mere, would ya?" He tugs me onto his lap, leaning against the wall as he shuffles me up his thighs, arms wrapped around my back. He looks up at me, his eyes are kind and reassuring but my head just shakes.
"Are you taking this seriously?" I scoff, hitting my hands against his chest as he cups my cheeks once more, forcing me to look down at him as my cheeks squish.
"Course I am, sunshine." He sighs, thumbs brushing against my cheekbones with a reassuring smile, his eyes flickering back and forth between mine. "Did you want me to get angry? Want me to yell? To leave you? Nah, I don't do that shit." He tugs me down into a hug as I rest my head on his chest, loving the feeling of his strong arms around me, my chest finally expanding and my nausea mellowing out. "You're my girl, could never leave ya." His fingers brush through my hair as happy tears rise to my eyes, my chin lifting to look up at him.
"I'm gonna get fat, ya know? Fat and disgusting, I'll look old." I warn, watching as he smirks, leaning down to capture my lips in a heated kiss. I whisper a quiet hum, the hair on my arms sticking up at the feeling of his lips, slow and heated against mine.
"Pregnant or not, still gon' fuck you good, hope you know that."
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siryouarebeingmocked · 6 months
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It’s just saying to men as a kind and loving mother with some wisdom that if there’s a woman who is mentally ill, disturbed or needy or unhappy or really drunk at a party, leave her alone. The last thing she needs is a penis. If she’s an upset, needy person and you [expletive] her and then the rumor starts going around school, she might need to, for the defense of her reputation, say, “He raped me.” You’ve put yourself in a dangerous situation because you’ve done a foolish thing.
“Modern Masculinity Is Broken. She Knows How to Fix It.” - Caitlin Moran interview, the NY Times (archive)
"She HAD to accuse you of rape! You were asking for it by having completely consensual sex with her!"
Honk.
>Caitlin Moran
And we come to the center of the Shrubbery Maze. She certainly lives up to her surname.
Where’s that copypasta about the stages of denial? Because I think we’re at “it’s happening, but it’s a good thing”.
Also, the feminist whose son was accused (Judith Grossman) wrote that WSJ article in 2013, long before MeToo. She openly admitted that her old standards were wrong, and she wasn’t actually aware of what happened to accused dudes in college. 
And she literally says “unbridled feminist orthodoxy” was the problem.
KIA thread. Also, I tried looking for other Reddit threads, and I found even MensLib, which is pro-feminist, took issue with her new book.
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