#julie henderson | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

morganski-19 · 2 months

Text

I Don't Know Which Way's Home

Chapter 12: Temporary

ao3 link, Part 1, Part 11

New Years Eve, December 1986

Steve looks around the room, seeing everyone watch the performances in Times Square and playing games. The adults talking amongst themselves in the dining room while all the older kids are talking on the couches. Even if they weren’t quite kids anymore.

It’s a few minutes until midnight, and Steve has never been happier. Seeing his house full of life, full of love. It always made his mood a little brighter. Even now, seeing Julie laughing with the kids that he thinks of as family, it makes him proud. Proud that he gets to call these people family.

Eddie saunters up to him, beer in hand. Getting close in the way that they can when no one else knows. “Wanna smoke?” he asks.

“Sure,” Steve smiles, knowing that’s not really what it means.

They head outside, the cold air instantly making Steve shiver. As soon as they get out of eyesight, Eddie pulls Steve close, wrapping his arms around Steve’s waist. Steve draping his arms around Eddie’s shoulders.

“Hi,” Eddie smiles. “Midnight’s pretty soon.”

“Yeah, that why you pulled me out here?”

Eddie scoffs. “Like I need an excuse just to do this,” he leans forward and kisses Steve. Steve melting into it every time. “That and Birdie beat me to calling the pantry. Her and Nancy are about to be ‘stuck’ in there for a few minutes.”

Steve laughs, pulling Eddie closer. “Think we’ll be able to hear the countdown out here?”

“With this group, probably. I know this is cheesy, and this year was shit for various reasons, but what was you’re favorite thing that happened this year?”

It doesn’t take much thought to have answers pop into Steve’s mind. “I actually have two. The first was Julie showing up on my doorstep and building my relationship with her. But the second,” Steve looks into Eddie’s eyes with a look that he’s feared for years. “The second is you.”

Steve has only ever been in love once before this. And that ended in a less than ideal way. Even if they weren’t meant for each other, or are now friends, it was still enough to make him scared. Make him fear for the day that he would open his heart up again for someone else. Hoping that they won’t reject him. Dates were fine, confessions of attraction were nothing. Love. Love was terrifying.

Terrifying enough that even when he’s standing in the most caring person’s arms, feeling more than he has in years, the words still get caught in his throat. Can’t be spoken, in the small case they’re rejected.

He’s always been fast to fall in love. Jumping in headfirst and figuring it all out later. Even in the darkest depths, he would always be the first to wade in.

Falling in love was easy. It was everything that came with it that made it so hard. And for Steve, there was a lot of baggage. With his parents, and his past, love was different. Love was complicated. Despite his best efforts, they always ended up intertwined. The feelings of loneliness and neglect mixing in where he doesn’t want them.

But as the kids yell out the countdown as the new year turns, Eddie’s lips find Steve’s again, everything sets into place. Every bad thing dissipating away for just a second. Because Eddie was different, at least Steve hoped. But that was for later, this was now.

“Mine is you too,” Eddie says when they break apart, his hands cupping Steve’s face. “You make me happier than you know.”

Maybe this was the one time where the waters weren’t as murky as they normally were. Where the water is crystal clear instead of green and grey. A place that is meant to be dived into, where the sun glimmers through to lead the way back to the top. And instead of pulling everything down to the bottom to drown, it all floats to the top and is able to breathe.

“Happy new year, Eddie,” Steve says quietly, letting this moment stay perfectly still.

. . .

Present Day, January 1987, Two Weeks Later

Steve is talking to someone on the phone. Which isn’t, like, a bad thing. Or a strange thing at all. Julie’s seen him talk on the phone a bunch of times, but not like this. Not with what can only be described as a dopey smile on his face and the way she’s never seen him like this before. And the laughter, giddy laughter. It’s unreal. Unusual.

Happy. Steve looks happy. Not to say that he wasn’t happy before, but not like this. But this time when he smiles, it actually reaches his eyes. Brightens them actually. Something that’s straight out of a shitty romcom. But real.

He has to be seeing somebody, Julie concludes. Has thought for a while now. She’s heard someone come into the house late at night, and Steve always seem to be a little bit happier on his days off. Like there’s been someone here when she isn’t. Or isn’t awake. That she’s being kept away from them.

Maybe it’s the other way around. Maybe Steve just wants to keep his relationship to himself for now. Do all of the introduction later. But she can’t help but want to know. Know why he’s keeping a secret, and if it’s because of her.

It’s stupid, she knows, but the voice keeps finding it’s way into her mind. Telling her repeatedly that Steve isn’t telling her because she won’t be here forever. That this is all still temporary, and he hasn’t done anything to change that. Then, neither has she. It’s hard to admit to someone that you want to stay. Especially when the other person has a whole life that Julie doesn’t know about.

She knows that Steve likes her, wants her to be here. But for how long, that is the question.

As Steve waves goodbye as he drops her off at school, she can’t help but feel like she’s asking too much. If she were to ask to stay permanently. He’s already given her so much, she can’t ask to take his life. She might not always feel like it, but she’s still a kid. A tie that holds people back, held her mom back.

She never showed it, but Julie knew. Deep down, she knew. Her mom would cancel dates when Julie got sick, or lost a job because she called out too many times. Stopped herself from going back to school and getting the degree she wanted. Doomed herself to waitress and secretary jobs, even if it made her miserable.

All for Julie. Always for Julie. Never for herself.

Julie didn’t want to tie Steve to the same fate. He was still young, only a few years older than her. He had the chance to be who he wanted to be, even if it meant leaving her. She didn’t want that. But if it made him happy. Well, why would she stop him. After everything he’s been through in life, he deserved to be happy.

“Dude, you need to let it go,” Lucas says to Dustin at the lunch table. The rest of the group has been eating with them more often. It’s been interesting, to say the least. Definitely louder.

Dustin rolls his eyes, saying a small hello when Julie sits down. “No, I don’t. He’s hiding something from me, and I know it.”

“Maybe you could respect another person’s boundary for once,” Max snaps, taking a bite of her food.

“I respect people’s boundaries,” Dustin gasps. Met with immediate disagreements from the rest of the table.

“What are we talking about?” Julie asks, taking a bite of her sandwich.

Mike rolls his eyes. “Steve, for no reason.”

“Dude that’s her brother.”

“My point still stands.”

“What about Steve?” Julie asks, not really wanting to.

Dustin turns toward her, already ready for a rant. “He’s hiding something. Like a someone,” he says with a face like Julie knows what he’s talking about.

Which she does, but it’s still annoying. “I thought we agreed you’d drop it until I knew something. He still hasn’t told me about it.”

Max interrupts, “you know about this?”

“Unfortunately,” Julie says the same time Dustin confidently says “Yes, she does.”

“And we agreed to let it go until Steve decides to share it with us. And by we, I mean him.” Julie points at Dustin.

Dustin huffs. “Well, that was before. This is now. Things have escalated.”

“Nothing has escalated,” Will says when Mike rolls his eyes again. “You’re just being dramatic.”

“Too dramatic,” Mike adds.

“And pushy,” Lucas says.

“It is his life,” El says. “It is up to him to share it with us. No matter how close we all are. We should not push it.” She shares a glance with her brother, silently communicating.

Max nods in agreement. “El’s right, nerd. Leave it alone. You know what happens when you push.”

“Things blow up.”

“Go to shit.”

“End pretty terribly.”

“Fine,” Dustin exclaims, crossing his arms.

. . .

Eddie lets himself into the house, immediately finding Steve in the kitchen. Days off are the only time they’re able to be together. Alone together. Not have to hide, to pretend. Just be themselves with each other, with no one else around.

It’s like a relief when they get to be together like this. Unashamed in his house, free. Like a weight lifts off his shoulders and he can just be. And not have to worry about the wrong person finding out, or someone finding out before it’s too soon. Just them, where Steve is happy and nothing else matters.

Steve presses into Eddie’s touch, pulling him in closer and melting into the touch of their lips. Tracing his hands at the hem of Eddie’s shirt, desperate to feel the skin of skin contact again. As if every time is the first time. Always having the same effect over and over again.

Because this still doesn’t feel real to Steve. It still doesn’t feel real that this can even happen for him. That he can be this happy in a house that caused him so much pain. This happy at all.

He still has times where he thinks that he doesn’t deserve this. That this is all just a phase, and it will pass. It has before, time after time. People tend to leave Steve, and he doesn’t want Eddie to leave. Never wants Eddie to leave. But after the person he’s been in the past, and the mess that he’s been in the present, he’s not so sure that it’s all set in stone. That the promises were written in sand near the shore, and as soon as the tide comes in, it will all go away.

The house will return to the lifeless whole it once was. Swallowing all that was good of Steve and leaving him empty. The life will be stripped away, the light will disappear. Everything that was good will become rotten and fall away. And Steve will sit on the stairs and wait for the door to open again.

He has to remind himself that these people are different. People who stay around Steve because they actually like him, and not just his money or his name. They won’t just leave him when he makes the wrong step. Won’t just abandon him. They aren’t his parents.

And when Eddie holds him like he won’t have the chance to do the same tomorrow, it only proves to him that this is real. That this isn’t going away, and Eddie won’t leave him without saying another word. How can a person hold someone like this if they want to leave? Steve doesn’t think that they can.

“Hey,” Eddie says when he pulls back. “I, uh, I actually wanted to talk to you about something.”

“Ok,” Steve says, for the first time not freaking out on the inside. “What about?”

Eddie steps back a little, letting there be a small gap between them. “About us, actually.”

His face is full of nervousness, one that Steve can’t quite read. Like a reflex, the anxiety starts to grow again. Like he’s back in that bathroom at the Halloween party and his heart’s about to break again. But it’s Eddie, Eddie wouldn’t hurt Steve. Not without a reason to. Has Steve given him a reason to?

“Oh,” Steve says shocked, trying his best not to freak out. “Is something wrong?”

“No,” Eddie assures. “No, no. It’s nothing bad, I promise. I just, it’s just something that I thought we should start thinking about.”

A small breath of relief escapes Steve’s lungs, but the anxieties don’t leave fully quite yet.

“I thought that we should start talking about when to tell the others, about us. When you’re ready to, of course. But we can’t keep this hidden forever, and Dustin’s been giving me some really weird looks lately. And just got me thinking, that’s all.”

“You know I’m not ready to tell them, about me at least, yet. I can’t risk it right now.”

Eddie’s face twists. “What do you mean, can’t risk it? They wouldn’t just go around town telling people about us.”

Steve knows it’s true, knows that they wouldn’t intentionally say anything. But that’s what gets him every time his thinks about it. Intentionally. These kids are just kids, and sometimes they can’t stop themselves from talking. Not until the harm is done. He can’t risk harm being done. Not with how much he now has to lose.

It was different when he didn’t have Julie, didn’t have this impending lawsuit hanging over his head. Steve could risk a lot when it was just him that he had to worry about. When risking himself meant just that, risking himself. Now, if this got out, there’s no question that he would lose custody of Julie. She’d be taken from him and placed in another home that wouldn’t care for her. And there’s the possibility that she could never look him in the eye again. He couldn’t risk that.

With the lawsuit, he needs to be on his best behavior. He needs to show the courts that there was everything wrong with his parents and nothing wrong with him. He can’t give them any ammo to make the judge see him differently. Being in a relationship with a man, even if it’s a loving one, that would make or break his case. It might justify his parents’ actions, make him lose. Make him a fool. Ostracize him. Run him out of town.

“But if by some accident that they did, just by accident. I have so much I can lose now, Eds.”

It never bothered him before, not like this. The worry surrounding his brain and shutting out the logic. Making his thoughts race to every way things can go wrong. Seeing the face Julie would make when he betrayed her like this. Promised her everything just to rip it away again. Sees the headlines in the paper the day after court, how it would affect him in a way that is unimaginable. And yet he can picture it all so clearly.

“They’ve known about me for months Steve, they haven’t said anything. It’ll be ok.”

But him is different. With Eddie, his reputation already isn’t that great. Steve is known, for the most part, as the golden child of the rich family in town. Even if he is a dead beat that didn’t go to college and works as a manager at the local video store. The fact of the matter is that people would talk, rich snobby people with power that could do so much harm. This small-town gossip could follow him outside, keep trapping him back in this house.

“I have a reputation, Eddie. One that I don’t really care about, sure, but I can’t afford to ruin it-.”

“So, this is about reputation?” Eddie steps away from him, fully breaking their contact. Steve can sense Eddie pulling away, rebuilding his walls. The hurt finding it’s way to his eyes. “It’s always reputation with you people.”

Steve feels his heart start to crack. But he can fix this, he just has to explain himself.

“You know it’s not like that. When it was just me, I’d ruin everything if it meant being with you. But I can’t risk this getting out, not when Julie depends on me.”

“And I get that. But that is so far from what I’m asking.” His voice is thick with hurt. Hurt that Steve caused. “I just want to tell people that I’m with you. Is that so bad?”

“It is if it means that I lose her. This is more complicated than just you and me.” Steve can feel himself getting heated. Feel the anger start to bubble underneath his skin. The anxieties of his mind only addling kindling to the flame.

Eddie crosses his arms, his jaw clenching. “So, you’d rather hide forever instead of tell the people we love and trust that we’re in a relationship.”

“Don’t say it like that and make me feel bad about this. You know that I want to tell people eventually.”

“That just it,” Eddie raises his voice. “That stupid word eventually. Everyone loves to use that as if it’s a promise when really, it’s just a lie. When is eventually, Steve? Is it when you feel comfortable to come out? Or is it when you get full custody of Julie? Is it after you go to court with you’re parents? Is it when Julie turns eighteen and you can’t lose her anymore? Is it twenty years down the line when your precious reputation might not be tarnished anymore?”

Each word Eddie spits adds another brick to Steve’s defenses, protecting himself for what he knows is about to happen. “That is so far from what I am saying.”

“Are you ashamed of me? Be honest. I’d rather be hurt now then before this gets serious.”

“Is,” a lump starts to form in Steve’s throat. Awaiting the one word that could make him break. “Is this not serious for you?”

Eddie’s face falls. “Shit, no. Yes. I mean. Yes, this is serious. Serious that I want to tell people. But if. I’ve been hidden before, Steve, I don’t want to be hidden again.”

“So, you’d rather break up with me than wait for me to be ready?”

“No, that’s not. I just want to be able to stay the night without having to sneak in. I want to hold your hand when we’re hanging out with our friends. I want to be with you on days other than when no one else is in the house.”

Tears start to well in Steve’s eyes. His mind races to find an answer, to find something to say. All the words he can even think of get stuck in his throat. And those aren’t the right thing to say. He doesn’t have the right thing to say.

Steve can’t give Eddie what he’s asking for. Not now. Not in the immediate future.

Eddie is hurt, and for reasons that are valid. Steve is hiding him. Partially because he isn’t ready to tell the kids, and partially because this relationship can’t get out. Even when it can, he is still going to be hiding Eddie from everyone other than their friends. They will never be able to be a real couple, at least the kinds Steve has had in the past.

He knew that. Knew that their dates could never be too romantic so they wouldn’t get caught. Knew that any form of public affection couldn’t happen. Not in this town. They weren’t safe if people knew the truth. Steve already had enough things to worry about, maybe he didn’t need this to worry about too.

“Forget it,” Eddie interrupts Steve’s train of thoughts. “I shouldn’t have said anything. We’ll just, we’ll talk later. I’m gonna go.” He picks up his keys from the counter and walks down the hallway.

Just as he turns to leave, Steve knows that this is something worth fighting for. Them, their relationship. It was something that was real, and worth it. Maybe he can’t risk it now, but that doesn’t mean he can’t in the future. And he wants to tell the kids, he’s just not ready yet.

Eddie should understand that. Wouldn’t he?

“No, Eddie, wait. Let’s just talk about this, I-.” Steve tries to catch Eddie’s arm, but it gets pulled away.

“Steve, let me go. I just need to think, ok.” Eddie shuts the door behind him before Steve can say another word.

Steve leans his head on the door, a tear streaking down his cheek. This wasn’t how things were supposed to go. It’s not supposed to end like this. Steve can’t go through this right now. Not before he’s able to tell Eddie how he feels. Tell the group about them. It’s supposed to work out this time.

But he left Steve. Alone in the house, again. Just like everyone did. And how everyone might do again. He’s never good enough for anyone to stay. Why would this time be different?

It’s an hour before he moves. An hour until he makes it to the hall phone and calls Robin, explains what happens. Twenty more minutes until she lets herself through the door and finds him crumpled on the floor. Five minutes until she’s ready to dig Eddie’s grave. Fifteen minutes until she’s helping Steve put himself back together again. With a constant reminder that she’s not leaving. Not ever. Telling him that the others won’t either. That this was just a fight. It wasn’t the end.

He can’t stop feeling like it is though.

. . .

Steve is silent as he drives Julie and Dustin home. Robin in the front seat, making conversation enough so that they don’t notice. But constantly looking over at Steve to check in on him. Make sure that he’s ok.

Julie notices. Hard not to when she’s had that same look on her face before. He’s putting on a good show, nodding along as Dusitn rants, looking engaged. But his eyes are blank, as if his mind is somewhere else completely.

She wonders if something happened with his parents again. If they called and reprimanded them through the phone. Or if something else happened. Maybe with the mystery person he’s been seeing. Even if she’s half-convinced that mystery person isn’t so mystery. But that isn’t her conclusion to make.

And it isn’t Dustin’s to make either, even if he keeps insisting that it’s right. Even if he is making eyes at Julie and nodding his head toward Steve. Trying to get her to ask the burning question. She’s not going to ask it. Not now. Now when she can see the blank look on his face. But Dustin can’t.

“So, meet anyone new recently Steve?” Dustin asks, not being subtle at all. Julie rolls her eyes, tempted to grab a notebook out of her bag and smack him over the head with it.

Robin groans and Steve leans his head further against the headboard. Julie glares at Dustin, trying to get him to drop it.

“What, it’s an innocent question,” he defends. Julie’s head falls into her hands.

“For the love of God, Dustin. Learn how to read the room, or car or, fuck this. I’m a lesbian, Dustin, we’re not dating. For the millionth fucking time,” Robin exclaims from the front seat.

Steve eyes widen as he turns to her, the first expression Julie’s seen him make the whole ride. Robin’s face slowly matches his, realizing what she just did. The car is excruciatingly silent, probably just for a few seconds, but it doesn’t feel like it.

“I-. That’s not,” Dusting starts, trying to figure out what he’s going to say. “Thank you for sharing that, I’m happy you told me. Even if it wasn’t what I was asking, like at all. But that actually makes a lot of sense, in hindsight.”

Robin clears her throat. “So, you don’t have a problem with it?”

“No, why would I have a problem with it? I don’t care who you date. Well, I do because you're my friend. But like, not who that person is, not really. “

“I don’t either,” Julie finds herself saying. “Care for you who date. As long as they treat you right and you’re happy. Not really much else to care about.”

Steve smiles softly, looking over at Robin who shares the same expression. He gives her a small thumbs up, staying silent otherwise.

“Well, thank you,” she says.

The rest of the car ride is silent, the mood shifted away from the tense moment. Dustin gets out of the car when they pull in front of his house. Giving up his investigation for today.

“I’m sorry about him,” Julie says when they pull away. “I tried to tell him to drop it.”

Robin snorts. “Yeah well, that never works as well as you think it will.”

“I can tell.”

When they get back home, Steve parks the car and unlocks the door. Heading upstairs to his room without another word.

“Is he ok?” Julie asks Robin.

Robin gives her a comforting smile. “He will be. Just a bad day.”

Julie nods as Robin heads upstairs to Steve’s room. Shutting the door gently behind her. Julie goes to the kitchen to do her homework. Her mind not really focusing on anything.

It keeps coming back to the car ride. Steve. Robin’s confession. How it really wasn’t that much of a surprise, not to her at least. She had a feeing that Robin was different than others. The same feeling she’s sort of been having about herself. But was always too afraid to say anything about it. Scared of what it meant. What would happen if people found out.

Maybe that’s why she was so defensive when Dustin brought it up at the Christmas Eve party. How his answer made her feel relief, not just for Steve, but for herself. That there might be a small hope that someone out there would accept her, if what she was feeling is true.

Then when Robin confessed in the car, it only made her more relieved. Steve accepted her, he knew. It’s not surprising that he did, they were pretty inseparable. But it was still nice to know that he would accept Julie too.

Because even though she’s still trying to figure it all out, it’s looking to be more and more like a fact. And it’s terrifying.

. . .

Steve walks into his house to find Eddie sitting in his living room. Normally he wouldn’t care. Normally it wouldn’t matter. But they haven’t talked in days, and it’s killing him. He’s mad. Angry. Sad. Guilty. He doesn’t know. He’s something, and he’s not sure if he’s ready to talk to Eddie just yet.

It’s not even that they just had a fight. Or maybe it is. Maybe it’s because of what their fight was. It was stupid, Steve was being stupid. At communicating at least. He still isn’t ready to tell the kids, even if he knows that two of them would accept it. But what he said is still true. This getting out would make everything worse right now. He can’t risk it.

Maybe that means they have to break up. Maybe that means they have to slow everything down and take a break from them. Eddie doesn’t deserve to feel hidden. It’s Steve’s fault that he is. This just wasn’t the right time for him. Steve has to accept that.

That’s why he isn’t ready for this. The farther he pushed away this conversation, the longer he can say that he and Eddie are together. The longer he’ll still be in the best relationship of his life. The one that he actually saw going for a long time. Forever, even. It’s stupid really, how hopeful he was. He knows he dives in to fast without checking for monsters in the water. But this time he thought it was safe waters. But he guesses it wasn’t.

“Hey,” Eddie says when Steve walks through the door. Standing from the couch. “You’re dressed fancy.”

Fancy was a nice button down with slacks. “Yeah, I had that meeting with the lawyer today. Remember,” he crossly says.

Eddie looks down ashamed. “Yeah, I did. I showed up and you were already gone. I thought you wanted me to go with you.”

“That’s before you left.”

It’s the part that hurt the worst. Out of all of this. Eddie left. Just like his parents. Instead of staying to fix this, to work it out, he left Steve stranded at his front door. Unable to move. Unable to feel. Just frozen. Waiting for the door to open again and for the person who left return. For the person he loved to come back.

Eddie wasn’t his parents. But it didn’t matter. Not to his mind. In that moment, his returned to the kid that was left at every important moment in his life. And even the unimportant. Back to the kid that was a disappointment for just existing. Not meeting expectations. By not being perfect. He wasn’t the perfect partner for Eddie, so he left.

“I went with Robin instead, so I wasn’t alone,” he says with more venom in his voice than he intended. But it was justified.

Eddie looks hurt, Steve wanted him to. But it still hurt to see. “You’re mad. You have every right to be.”

“Yeah, I do. You left Eddie. You left me.” Steve feels tears start to gloss over his eyes. “After everything you knew, you still left.”

“I know. And I’m sorry. I should have just walked around your backyard or something. Sat in another room. Not left.”

“No, you shouldn’t have.”

It’s silent between them. Neither of them really knowing what to say. Steve wants to accept his apology, but it still feels like every apology he’s ever gotten. Cheap and hollow, never enough substance to it to make it true.

Eddie runs a hand down his face. “I’m sorry. I don’t know what else to say. I was. Triggered, I guess, by some of the things you said. Sounded like every other guy I’ve been with. But you’re not like them, I shouldn’t have treated you like you were.”

“There’s so much more at stake here than my reputation. I can’t let this get out, even if I was ready to tell people. And if you can’t deal with that, can you at least just tell me now.” Steve can hear his voice breaking. He wants to stop it but can’t. “Why did you even show up today? You clearly didn’t want to talk to me.”

“But that didn’t mean I wasn’t still going to be there for you. And I can deal with it. I just couldn’t in that moment, but it passed, and I realized how much of an idiot I was being. Just because we had a fight doesn’t mean that I was going to forget the promises I made you.”

Steve swallows the lump in his throat. “Why?”

“Because I love you,” Eddie confesses with one breath. “I love you and I’m sorry I didn’t say it sooner. It scares the hell out of me. I’ve never been in love before, not like this and I. I didn’t want to lose you, so I did what I do best and ran. Away from the argument and from you.”

Eddie walks up to Steve, and Steve lets him touch him. Let’s him cup his face with his hand and run his thumb across Steve’s cheek. It’s easy for Steve to fall into the touch, having missed it for days. “I promise to never run from you again.”

“Why you’d not talk to me for days?”

“Cause I thought you didn’t want to see me. Like you said, I left. I couldn’t face the fact that I hurt you like that.”

Steve closes his eyes. “Yeah, you did. But you also came back. And I didn’t blame you, not for what you said. It was true. I was, am hiding you.”

“And I’m ok with that. For now, until the dust settles, and until you’re ready. I’m sorry for making you feel like I wasn’t. This is too special to me to break this easily.”

The tears finally escape from Steve’s eyes, rolling down his cheeks. Eddie wipes them away, a few tears of his own finding their way down his cheeks. Eddie pulls Steve in for a hug, and it feels like home. Only making Steve break more.

“Thank you for coming back,” Steve whispers into Eddie’s hair when he calms down. “I’m sorry that I made you feel like you couldn’t.”

“You have nothing to apologize for, sweetheart. Nothing, you hear me. This was my mistake. I know that.”

Steve pulls away. “No, but it was also mine. I, I know that people have hurt you in the past and it was because they made you feel like nothing. I don’t want to make you feel like nothing.”

“And you don’t. I promise that you don’t. Sneaking in at night sucks, but then I get into bed with you, and it makes everything worth it. This, us, is so important to me.”

“Maybe you don’t have to sneak in every night. Maybe some nights you can just ‘stay over’ in the guest room and then sneak one door over. Instead of coming over at midnight.”

Eddie smiles. “That would work for me. But seriously, we don’t say a thing until you’re ready. That’s a promise I swear I won’t break.”

“I love you too,” Steve blurts out. “I didn’t say it before. But it’s true. I’ve been just as scared about it as you have.”

Eddie kisses him softly. “I love you.”

“I love you.”

. . .

When Julie parks her bike, Eddie’s leaving the driveway. Waving to her on the way out. She waves back, heading inside.

Steve is back to himself again. Wandering around the kitchen in sweats, singing softly to the classic rock station on the radio. He smiles at her when she enters, offers to make her a snack. She refuses, not that hungry.

It’s strange how this place felt so foreign to her a few weeks ago. How the walls felt claustrophobic and everything around her was just crushing. But it’s better now, she’s better now. Still sad, but better. And this place felt like home. Her home. She didn’t want it to go away like the last one.

“Could I talk to you about something?” Julie forces herself to ask before she loses the nerve. Before she just runs to her room and locks herself on a blanket of insecurities again.

“Sure,” Steve says. “What’s up?”

Julie picks at her thumb. “I just. Me living here is still temporary, right?”

Steve’s face drops a bit as he leans on the island. “From a paperwork standpoint, yeah. Why do you ask?”

It’s so stupid that this affects her. That her thinking that Steve not sharing his relationship with her means that he doesn’t want her here. But it’s a part of his life. She wanted to be here for the good and the bad. And it felt like the good was being kept from her. As if she had a right to know it. But it still hurt a little.

“I just. This is so dumb. But you’re terrible at hiding things and I’ve heard someone come in the house pretty much every night for the past month at midnight on the dot. And I can’t help but feel like you’re hiding it from me. Like them meeting me is too much. Like you don’t want me here.”

It sounds more stupid when she says it out loud. But it’s true.

“I do want you here,” Steve says softly. “I really do. You living with me isn’t temporary to me, it’s just a long process to make it that way. And we haven’t really talked about what the steps would be past just me getting guardianship. But if you want to, we can start talking about getting permanent custody.”

A weight lifts itself from Julie’s shoulders. “Yes, yeah. I’d like that. I’d like to stay here, with you.”

Steve smiles. “Good. Me too. As for the other thing. I am seeing someone, but it’s,” he takes a breath. “It’s a bit more complicated than just telling you. I’m not really ready to tell anyone about it yet, it’s not just you. But if them coming over without you knowing is making you uncomfortable, it can stop.”

“No, no, it’s fine. I really don’t care. I just. When you are ready, you can tell me who it is. I won’t judge you or anything.”

“I know you won’t. Is that what Dustin was on in the car the other day? He knows too?”

Julie groans. “Yes. I swear I told him to drop it, but he is convinced that something’s up. I can’t get him to stop talking about it.”

Steve snorts. “Yeah, well, that’s Dustin for you.”

“I’ve learned.”

Steve walks around the island, giving Julie a hug. “How about we talk to Sarah about making this permanent at the next inspection. We can start on the whole process.”

“That sounds good.”

“Hey,” Steve crouches down a bit to get on her level. “You’re my sister, and I love you. That’s not a temporary thing, ok.”

Julie smiles. “Ok.”

She pulls out her homework from her bag and gets started, already wanting to pull her hair out with her math homework. Steve gets started on dinner, distracting her with some work stories from the previous day. It all is making her feel at home. Real home.

Tag list(let me know if you want to be added or removed): @homoerotictangerine, @mugloversonly, @thesuninyaface, @imyelenasexual, @anaibis, @ilovecupcakesandtea, @brainsteddielyrotted, @jackiemonroe5512, @eddie-munsons-missing-nipple, @goodolefashionedloverboi, @cinnamon-mushroomabomination, @lolawonsstuff, @writingandmushroomdragons, @stevesbipanic, @sierra-violet, @steddie-as-they-go, @dauntlessdiva, @mousedetective, @the-daydreamer-in-the-corner, @zombiethingy, @connected-dots-st-reblogger, @that-agender-from-pluto, @allyricas, @cheddartreets, @devondespresso, @crypticcorvidinacottage, @queenie-ofthe-void @chronicpainstevetruther, @cheddartreets, @theupsidedownrealestateagent, @acidbubblegummie, @sirsnacksalot, @l0st-strawberry, @helpimstuckposting, @strawberry-starss, @freddykicksasses, @italianwhore1, @i-threw-my-name-out-the-window, @rageagainsttheapathy, @nuggies4life, @ape31, @whimsicalwitchm, @chrissycunninghamfanblog, @michellegilligan, @hippielittlemetalhead, @bridget-malfoy-stilinski-hale, @jaytriesstuff, @confused-stripes, @faeb1tch42069, @marklee-blackmore, @hel-spawn, @genderless-spoon, @mamafaithful, @estrellami-1, @starryeyedpoet17 @i-amthepizzaman, @lilpomelito @melonmochi

#stranger things #steve harrington #eddie munson #robin buckley #julie lawson #dustin henderson #max mayfield #el hopper #lucas sinclair #mike wheeler #will byers #steddie #stranger things fanfic #fanfic #long lost/secret sibling #steve has a sibling #i don't know which ways home fic

31 notes · View notes

mrs-steve-harrington · 9 months

Note

Steve and Dustin Bodyswap!!

I love your brain, anon! Let's see what I can do. Wrote this in one sitting, apologies for any typos! Hope you enjoy <3

(for @julybreakbingo)

Dustin would be the first to say that he's wondered it might be like to be Steve Harrington for a day. To live in a big house on Loch Nora and be the person everyone says hi to when they see him walking down the halls at school. To be popular.

Be careful what you wish for.

It could be worse, but he's been stuck in Steve's body— and Steve has been stuck in his— for days now. There's no denying it's cool. He's gotten a sneak peek into the kinds of things he can expect for high school classes and he's had a blast sinking his teeth into all the books collecting dust in Steve's locker. There's no reason his grades should suffer just because they haven't figured out how to get back to themselves yet.

And nobody picks on him. Tommy and Carol and Billy are loud and obnoxious in their taunting of Steve while Dustin is between classes, but it's clear that Billy has been keeping his distance, too. Doesn't hurt that Dustin can't help but remember what he'd looked like when Max threatened him with Steve's bat and smiles or even outright laughs when Billy tries to act like an asshole.

They're nothing compared to the Troys of the world. He never goes home with so much as a scrape.

But after a few days of being Steve Harrington, Dustin Henderson is missing his own room and his friends and his mom. He hopes whatever is happening to them wears off soon; he'll only be able to act the part for so long before he slips up in some irreparable way. The only reason Steve can get away with acting weird is because, well. Dustin's weird. He knows it and doesn't really care.

Today, though, Steve's got him on a mission that helps to distract him from some of the things he's missing. Mostly because it makes him nervous as hell. Yes he is Steve Harrington right now and yes that does mean that, in theory, he should have no trouble talking to a girl. Flirting with a girl. Steve said that it's as easy as walking up to one and saying, "Hey," because he... has the hair and the face and everything else that Dustin most definitely does not.

Except that right now, he does, and Steve seems to think it will help boost his confidence if he practices while they're swapped. The amount of confidence Steve is placing in him not to completely shatter his reputation is touching and also completely insane.

But he doesn't want to meet up back at his house with Steve after school and have to lie in order to keep from disappointing him. Which means he's going to have to actually approach a girl. And say, "Hey," like it's something he does every day with girls who aren't Max or Eleven.

Dustin is at least eighty percent sure Steve's never had palms as sweaty as they are now. It doesn't help that the last time he approached a girl, she looked at him like he was insane for even considering it. If Nancy hadn't—

Now there's a thought.

A blind person could see that Steve misses her. Dustin still doesn't understand everything that happened— one second they were together, the next they weren't— but Steve's been depressed ever since. Dustin is sure that he can't fix things for Steve, but maybe he can help give his life a little... push... in the right direction.

And maybe Dustin's had a crush on Nancy for as long as he can remember and would like to feel like he's got a chance, even if none of it really means anything.

When he finds her, she's standing at her locker and gathering her things after the last bell of the day. Butterflies line the inside of the door and Dustin grins. It's nice to know the girl who used to dress up and play with them is still in there somewhere, even if she's too cool for them nowadays.

With all the grace that comes to Steve's body naturally, Dustin sidles up next to Nancy's locker and leans against the cold metal of the one beside hers.

"Hey, Nance," he says, grin tampered down to something a little less Dustin. Or he tries to, at least. It's hard not to smile as wide as his lips will move when he looks at Mike's older sister. Not even because she's pretty, but because up until last year she's always been super nice and this year, she saw him sitting alone and near tears and offered to dance with him just to make him feel better.

She even told him that he was her favorite. How can he not smile when he looks at her after that?

"Steve?" Nancy asks, looking up at him in surprise. Her head swivels left and right before landing back in his direction. A crinkle formed between her eyebrows when they scrunch together in confusion. Dustin doesn't blame her; as far as he can tell, Steve's been avoiding even being in the same hall as Nancy if he can help it. "What are... is everything... okay?"

"Great now," he says, feeling more confident than he has any right to. Steve was right, though. There's something so much easier about doing this when you look like, well. Like Steve.

Plus, Dustin knows Nancy. He can't help but feel comfortable around her, even if she doesn't know who she's actually talking to.

"Can I walk you out?" he asks, nodding his head towards the doors. Jonathan won't be around— today's the day he gets Will straight after school, clearly a sign that Dustin chose the right girl to approach. If she says yes, that means Steve has a chance; at least, more than a no would. And if she says no, at least Steve won't be around to hear it.

Nancy looks him up and down slowly, trying to piece together the puzzle that is Steve Harrington standing next to her locker after avoiding her for weeks. But Dustin has known Nancy since he was in Kindergarten. The look in her eyes isn't one he's seen directed at him before, not even when she'd danced with him at the Snow Ball.

She looks at him and suddenly Dustin understands what Steve meant about electricity. He's kind of surprised his the hairs on his arms aren't standing straight up from static cling.

"Sure," she says, softly closing her locker and holding her bag against her side.

They don't get a chance to do more than make small talk because the second they walk out of the doors, Dustin hears his own voice calling Steve's name. He barely even has time to say goodbye when Steve stomps up and grabs his arm to drag him away, making loud excuses about a "project" Steve had promised to help him with right after school, sorry Nancy.

"You're dead meat, Henderson," Steve mutters, looking even more annoyed when he remembers he has to look and point up instead of down.

"I was just doing what you told me to."

Steve stops in his tracks, hands on his hips in a move that's so Steve, Dustin could almost forget he's staring at himself.

"I did not—"

"Nancy's a girl, isn't she?"

Mouth falling open, Steve stares at him for a long few seconds before he throws both hands into the air.

"That is not what I meant and you know it, you little—" he stops himself to take a deep breath. That's good. Dustin's pretty sure he's never seen his face look that red before. It can't be good for either of them.

"Just... let's go home. We'll figure this out later."

"Sure," Dustin says with an easy shrug. He follows Steve, making the familiar walk to his house— because Steve hid the keys to the BMW the first chance he got— and gives Steve the time he needs to calm down.

He'll explain about the electricity later.

#stranger things #dustin henderson #steve harrington #steve and dustin #july break bingo #july break bingo 2023 #my fic #my writing #thanks for the ask!#anonymous

41 notes · View notes