What, in your opinion, is the unhealthiest meal of each race? The kinds that give dieticians nightmares.
The unhealthiest meals in Tamriel, eh? I'm secretly a connoisseur of all things salty, greasy, and downright delicious, so loosen that belt and make room for these treats...
Greasy food is almost unheard of in Altmer society. Almost. However, fried seaweed in rice batter is a crispy treat beloved by many Altmer, but is eaten in moderation as a snack due to its greasy nature. For a naughty Shimmerene-style treat, a seaweed wrap with gryphon egg mayonnaise, crispy bacon, and mashed avocado is about as unhealthy as Altmeri cuisine can get!
While the Argonians eat a healthy diet that's low in fat and sugars, durian pudding is definitely a dessert that goes right to the gut. Fresh, sweet durian is mixed with thick coconut cream, steamed tapioca, and sago pearls. The end result is a staggeringly creamy, rich dessert that you'll struggle to believe is vegan (and still somehow bad for the health).
The Bosmer are gluttons for anything deep fried, or "oil boiled" as they like to call it. The dish that made me pack on a small guar in weight was an entirely oil boiled tower of eggs, meat patties, and cheese, sandwiched between two thick slices of bacon "bread". The entire thing is impaled on a stick, rolled in a salty thunderbug egg batter, and oil boiled until dark brown and oozing lard. Delicious, and absolute murder on the digestion.
Did someone say duck fat? The Bretons have an unhealthy obsession with frying everything in duck or goose fat, which gives food a delightfully greasy flavour. Most popular are duck fat potato wedges, which are served with an enormous dollop of extra thick sour cream, bacon, fried duck, melted cheese, and a finishing drizzle of seasoned duck fat for good measure.
Despite multiple warnings about not consuming too many kwama eggs, which are naturally quite fattening, it's impossible to stop the Dunmer from indulging in them. A favourite traditional dish is kwama egg omelette with scuttle and fried scrib, which sounds acceptable but in fact packs your daily dose of salt and fat. However, that won't stop many Dark Elves from enjoying these omelettes at all times of day, especially when washed down with some shein.
Seared pork belly that's been wrapped in layers of provolone, sausage, and fatty cured ham is a firm favourite in Imperial City taverns, especially when it's been rolled in breadcrumbs and grilled until crispy. A meat lover's dream, and a healer's despair.
If it wasn't enough that everything is covered in moon sugar, the Khajiit are in love with slurping sweetened condensed milk, straight up or mixed with sweets. Deep fried condensed milk-soaked dumplings that swim in a moon sugar syrup are a popular dessert in Elsweyr, and are admittedly delicious until the moon sugar coma hits.
There's nothing quite like using sausages and bacon instead of bread when having a good old fondue with Eidar cheese. Eidar is known for being oilier and easier to melt than goat's cheese, and is therefore perfect for fondue if you can handle the smell. While other races tend to eat their fondue with bread, we Nords enjoy smoked sausages, sausage-battered seagull eggs, and thick rinds of bacon to dip into the delicious cheese. Yes, you may feel a little ill if you have too much.
Echatere cheese and milk are high in fat, and make the bulk of the filling for cheese pies. Each of these flaky pastries are filled with an oozing cheese sauce, with grilled leek and fried potato, before being finished off with a spicy cheese sauce and deep-fried crispy onions. It's not great for the waistline, but it's any cheese-lover's dream!
While Redguard food is seldom unhealthy, you'd probably purse your lips if you saw the donuts stuffed with jelly delights, whipped cream, and ghee fudge that are all the rage in Sentinel. Large, cinnamon donuts are stuffed with confectionary before being fried, and are dusted in honey and powdered sugar to serve. If you're avoiding sugar, this is definitely a dessert you should be running from!
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