#just *aNxIeTy* acting up

[shima-draws]

What the FUCK Furina’s backstory is so fucking sad??? The absolute TORTURE she’s been through. Shit dude,

#Shima speaks #I’M SO UPSET. #THIS IS JUST RUKKHADEVATA ALL OVER AGAIN. GENSHIN STOMPING ON MY FEELINGS AND MAKING ARCHONS CRY #Why is it always the women. Stop doing this to our women. #Genshin Impact #Imagine putting on an act nonstop continuously for hundreds of years and not being able to tell anyone the truth #And dealing with the anxiety of your whole country dying out and it weighs on your shoulders and makes you so stressed #And you cry yourself to sleep every night bc you’re so tired you’re SO tired and it’s been centuries but you have to keep going. #You have to keep up the act you have to keep faking it you have to keep lying #You have to pretend everything is fine when it’s NOT and you don’t know what to do and you still can’t tell a single fucking SOUL #AGHHHH FURINA. MY SWEET GIRL. YOU DIDN’T DESERVE THIS #Genshin Impact spoilers #Furina #Focalors #I just wanna scoop her up into a big hug and tell her it’s okay 😭 Girl you don’t gotta act anymore you can finally FINALLY rest

[hel7l7]

teenage girl problems when i'm 24 :)

#how do people go to parties without having severe anxiety about it #like i'm probably going to an lgbtq+ party somewhere in the new year (a club party #not a home party) #and i know 1 person there #and i'm just already stressing about it #bcs what if i wanna go home? #i cannot go home #i have to sleep over at their place #what if i have no one to talk to #what if i don't want to drink and they all get drunk and i end up hating it #what if i'm not strong enough to tell them no and end up getting drunk anyway with all the consequences .... #( i take like 3 drinks to get drunkish so... ) #what if my ptsd acts up bcs of the amount of people in the room #what if i get panic attacks and ruin the night #what if i ruin their night #i don't wanna ruin their night #most these people don't even know me and i have to be liked

[icewindandboringhorror]

Some (late) holiday photos of the boye~!

#cats #holiday #OUGHH....... barely could even get these edited and posted... my mysterious sickness flare up has been sooo bad the past few #days.. I didn't even go to the usual obligatory family christmas I was supposed to attend (!!! health issue/medical mention in tags below) #My stomach issues basically put me in a constant state of uncontrollable shivering/body shaking + nausea + sometimes rapid heart #rate. and when it happens at night that makes it like.. nearly impossible to sleep when you're violently shaking + you can feel your heart #so strong + you keep having to run to the bathroom every 5 minute to cough and gag #and throw up and so on and so forth. etc. So I went like 40 hours without any sleep almost for christmas eve and all of christmas day #last night I finally got maybe 2 hours of sleep in between the nausea and shaking and stuff. and then today I was able to get a few #hours of sleep in the afternoon. Today I tried taking an anxiety mediciation a doctor gave me in case it was anxiety related (it's apparent #ly used to relax people and works in the moment. rather than like Anxiety Mediciation that you have to take for weeks to see any effect #because I think this isn't actually acting on your brain chemistry it's judt like..a mild sedative or something.) but all that did was make #me dizzy and sweaty lol. I;m glad I slept a little but I'm just still frustrated that I don't feel normal. I started having these #'episodes' (with the stomach issues + shaking + heartrate + nausea etc.) like at the end of october. And usually it will happen for like a #few hours at a time. or i'll lose sleep one day and then be fine the next. but this has been like nearly 3 days of feeling weird. so is #getting kind of annoying... It's funny too because I was so so productive like.. literally the few days before. I was feeling much better #and I was working on my game and blah blah. But then.. random issue flare up out of nowhere of course.. yaayy.... happy holidays to meee lo #I did at least see two random ducks outside of my window in the yard area for christmas. and havent seen them since. So it's like.. hrmm.. #pacing around my room nauseous and shakings and etc. but at least... hello.. two little ducks placed there just for me :3c #Now I get anxiety every night which I'm sure doesn't help/could exacerbate whatever underlying genuinely physical issues exist. But after #like 2 nights of 'I spend the night sleepless and incredibly uncomfortable just sitting in the dark sick' then bedtime is like.. dread... #I even was trying slapping myself in the face in desperation to see if somehow that could shock my body out of whatever the hell it was #doing lol.. up at 3am holding ice cubes in my hand and hitting myself in the head and crying from exhaustion and thowing up.. literally #ridiculous cartoon character feeling... AAANYWAY!!! At least I have baby boy pictures. and I have lots of doctors appointments so hopefully #whatever the issue is can be sorted out at some point. I don't know much about ibs but hopefully maybe something like that that I could pos #ibly take medication for and not something more seirous or anything. Maybe there's a food I'm secretly intolerant to or whatever. #And I did at least post a sims holday video actually timed for the holidays so that's something. I havent been productive really latrely #though obviously.. I can't even play games or small tasks when in that state since I'm just SO physically uncomfortable. Nausea and heart #stuff are THE hardest physical sensations to ignore.. BUT yeah... hoping I shall sleep at all tonight. hopeing to get like 3 productive #things done.. at some point... at least SOMETHING... lol..... *** *** ***

[samarecharm]

Ryuji is so anxious in the beginning of the game :( hes so caught up in his head during the kamoshida arc; makes me think hes been like that for awhile, at least until u get a bit further in the game. The rumors, the self loathing, the whole stint w kamoshida; hes got too much on his brain and its kinda nice (and a little sad) that he starts sharing those anxieties and doubts the second hes in a safe space to do so.

#chattin #ryuji #hes definitely more relaxed by the madarame arc #like he got friends and a purpose and he just bounced back immediately #but i am thinking of like. the year everything went to shit for him #like it wasnt his fault but also hes the center of all the controversy #and he went from being very popular (im SURE he was; hes called a track STAR) #to being completely alone w failing grades and a broken leg. like he had alot of time to sit and think #and all the stuff w his home life being so disruptive #like despite what the school body will say he does think before he acts #he had a grown man rile him up to make him act; he didnt just go in guns blazin #i dunno where im going w this lol. i just think he gets alot of flak for being loud and annoying #but just like w everyone else; u get to see their real personality when theyre supported and loved #and ryuji is just loud and brash and he loves w his whole heart #just like ann became super vocal and silly about so many things after u help her w shiho #All the thieves are like this. ryuji is a ball of anxiety #but its quieted down when he has real support and purpose in his life again #and its less that hes ‘quiet’ about his worries; if anything hes more vocal about it #but bc hes so vocal about it; u can see the difference between him messaging u every day worrying about kamoshida #to him going w the flow and putting more trust in u and the team #he loves them sm !!!!

[feverdreamsandlucidnightmares]

Why are showers so many steps I want to be unconscious

#this is partially bc of the ongoing saga of me vs the mostly nonfunctional drain in my shower #but also just the physical act of showering bc my housemate said I could use her shower so like I don’t have to worry about the evil drain #the physical act of showering is requiring an illegal amount of mental and physical energy #but I have to do it bc I have work study in the morning #and I went outside today so #contamination anxiety says I can’t touch my bed until I shower #spoons #no spoons #im so tired #chronic health #chronic pain #I fucked up my legs again fml #or like I never unfucked up my legs but they are worse rn #contamination anxiety #I don’t want to do it (anything except sleep) #fever’s vibe check #feverdreamsandlucidnightmares

[robinsnest2111]

sorry for disappearing. I promised I wouldn't do that again but it's always the thing I fall back on in desperate times. idk how to stop doing that

I'm just so tired and in pain, I wanna lay down and cry and never get back up again

#wish i could cry. as it is the tears are pressing on my eyes but cannot come out. it hurts. i wish it wouldn't hurt #all i can do is sleep as much as i can whenever i can. no other way to escape it all #trying to plan my mental illness breakdown around my work hours so my coworkers don't have to worry #i actually like being at work and putting on a smile and acting bright and bubbly comes to me so easily #but i feel the tiredness creeping in. making work a bit more difficult and i don't like that #my brain is starting to merge dreams and reality in a way that hard to tell apart #it's also whispering evil things into my ear. like: you're not mentally ill there's no official diagnosis so better be sane and normal #or: you're making it all up. stop with that. just be normal. <- about literally every single thing #<- like me dealing with depression and anxiety and probably no small amount of trauma and gender dysphoria? NOT REAL according to my brain #which is. idk i KNOW i struggle with all of these things and there have been suspicion diagnoses #but no actual 100% confirmed diagnoses and that fact is fueling my brain in whispering these mean things to me #and i'm just so very very tired of it all... i don't want to fight anymore but i'm also too scared to take any kind of final action #sorry... #delete later

[bloodiegawz]

Jack! The good boy!

The good boy indeed! This is Bo's workout partner :3

As goes for all of Savanaclaw, Jack is one of the people Bo is closest to. A decent guy with a good heart and a shit ton of fluff and muscle. What's not to love? Though, Bo has a habit of getting touchy with him a lot- he doesn't intend to make him uncomfortable, but he feels a lot safer when he has someone to cling to. He's getting better about it...

Bo asked Jack about working out together fairly early on. He's a small girl with little to no muscle and zero stamina on a campus full of people who will pick a fight over anything. Plus having something more tailored to his level than Vargas' reps would probably benefit him. Jack mostly just spots him while Bo works at his own pace, trying to make sure he doesn't hurt himself (which happens incredibly often because he tends to push himself through his pains), but he also gets super proud when Bo reaches a new best. Did five pushups? Hell yeah, that's more than the three from yesterday!

Bo also planned to join him for morning jogging, albeit with plenty more breaks than usual, but that meant getting up earlier. Which was miserable. He dropped that pretty quickly.

Jack will never admit it, but he lets Bo crash in his room fairly often when he's sleep deprived or hurting particularly bad because he gets worried. Bo is just happy to be there. As much as he likes Grim, the beast isn't exactly the greatest company for him if he's in a lot of pain (mostly because poor Grim doesn't have an off switch), meaning Ramshackle isn't a super pleasant place to rest.

#twst #ask #twst: bo #yuusona #gawzdrawz #jack howl #also while bo is staying over at savanaclaw its like #10x more lively #they love that guy over there #bo also LOVES to complain about other students #he'll go on like. unhinged rants #about some kid acting up in class #and jack just nods along and goes 'wow that sounds like it sucks' #its extremely therapeutic #jack's room serves as bo's SECOND rage room #(the first being his own) #bo sitting fuming as an anxiety response and jack taps him on the shoulder #brings him over #bo goes absolutely wild on the pillows and workout equipment

[shopwitchvamp]

Bout to rub the wizard oil on my temples and take a swig of the syrup

See ya'll in like a week

#i feel like this would reset my body as though someone had held down the power button for three seconds #which is an effect i could really use right about now #so tired #too much stress anxiety #and The Pains have been acting up #one night cough syrup would fix me i just know it

[funeralchapels]

May I please request a promo? You can find my rentry (which has links to my rules && sources I do) in my pinned post. I'm not new to Tumblr or the editing community here, but after fusing with other members of my system I wish for a fresh start. ( ^ ^; ) Please do send an ask or DM if you wish to be removed from this post; no hard feelings at all. @landmineangel @adorekill @yourdarlingness @jirai-doll @autibf @editloids && any other being who wishes to.

#＠ FUNERALCHAPELS！ #I am... oddly nervous? #<- Perhaps it is just the anxiety disorder acting up again.

[8ball-wizard]

fuck. evil nautilus cursed my jalapeño poppers and now i'm convinced everyone hates me.

#wizard #just wizard things #wizard academia #acts of wizardry #wizard mode #wizard post #wizardposting #wizard posting #wizposting #wizardblr #tags are mostly to bury the truth behind the meme #i am genuinely concerned about not being liked very much beyond just 'haha funnie poast' #especially among fellow wizardposters #but it just seems. idk. silly to even worry about? #i'm regular. people like me a normal amount. if they really had an issue they'd bring it up #but unfortunately anxiety isn't cured by rationality

[shima-draws]

Caught in that weird in between of absolutely hating my art but actually thinking it's okay sometimes. Help :(

#Shima speaks #I keep seeing other art styles that I REALLY like and going 'Man I want to draw like that!' #And then I look at my own art and I'm like. Well mine is okay. #NFJASNJDKSAN #Idk idk idk. I'm just overwhelming myself I guess. Might also be my anxiety acting up too oopsies <3 #I feel like there's smth about my style I want to change but idk what!! ARGHHH. My brain is a mess

[jankwritten]

yall wanna know how fucked up my anxiety is about some shit

i scroll past a post that's about a topic i don't like. whatever, it's fine. i scroll past a video that's a topic i don't care about. that's normal.

i scroll past a video that's a topic i don't like or care about but the person presenting it is a person of color? i IMMEDIATELY feel immensely guilty and need to "compensate" by "proving" it wasn't because of race by also skipping other random posts, JUST IN CASE someone thinks I'm racist because I didn't want to watch a video on a topic I didn't like or care about, that happened to be presented by a person of color.

this just in on: the police in my brain are loud and i'm scared of them

#this is also because i grew up in a racist area and in that culture and my own ignorance i also Was Kinda Racist #but like in that way where you don't realize it's racism until you're out of it and now feel so ashamed that you forcefully block all #those memories just so you don't ever have to associate yourself with them ever again? #(mind you I was like. 15-16 and closeted and scared scared scared all the time so I acted like the Crowd and that was awful of me to do) #BUT NOW that i've grown and am learning and have taken classes on anthropology and all kinds of stuff I just feel like I notice my own shit #like TENFOLD now #it's my anxiety overthinking thing plus if anybody ever knows I could have done anything SLIGHTLY problematic the world will explode #plus my constant paranoia that someone is always watching me and just Knows that I'm Secretly a Bad Person (even though I don't think I am? #also I feel like I need to clarify that the kind of racism in my town wasn't like. klan shit. it was like very hidden racism? #it was like. kids casually doing black accents and making jokes with racist undertones. the kind of racism where race was always #the butt of the joke instead of an outright HATED thing. and I think that's why it was so hard to unlearn #it's like that thing where in order to stop wanting to kill yourself you have to stop joking about wanting to kill yourself #this has become a vent post accidentally i'm so sorry #this is just. one of my Major anxieties that engulfs me every day because of 1) anxiety 2) potential OCD 3) being a bad person in my past #this is another reason I fucking hate florida #because I just know if I had grown up in my home town in MI I would not have been raised in that environment #and it's my own fucking fault for falling into the crowd like that. #all this to say i traumatized myself and likely some people around me by being A Fucking Idiot when I was a kid #and now adult me is doing everything in their power to not ever be that person ever fucking again #tw vent post #tw racism #tw past racism #but im better now and I know my mistakes and I refuse to make them again #fuck florida for every fucking reason under the sun

[songofsaraneth]

people clearly enjoying themselves at metal shows has to be much rarer than you'd think for not one but TWO band's members at two diff concerts this week to comment about the fact that i smiled a lot in the crowd

#two diff members of two diff bands directly told me this at two diff shows that is #one actually came out after the NEXT act ended to hand me their bands setlist from earlier and tell me 'i was a great fan' #to be clear they only released their album weeks prior so he KNEW i had no clue who the band was going in #he just appreciated that i enjoyed the music anyway #also at both those shows diff members of a 3rd and 4th band specifically handed me setlist/picks i assume for similar reasons #anyway metal fans i know we all did edgelord phase but come ON these poor musicians. it must look so bleak from up there #everyone please smile at them during the show to tell them you like being there. they might die of anxiety otherwise. #anyway good times #ramblings #bang your head #ra voltaire vocalist of glyph and gunnar thomsen the bassist of tyr ftr #i still need to do concert writeups ill do that later when its not 1am

[puhpandas]

Evan Afton is genuinely SO Norman Babcock. like his whole family doesnt understand him and in fact dislike him and actively tell him so and act callous around him (save for Norman's mom)? his family treats him like hes different or weird and excludes him? hes bullied at school and is small for his age? he keeps to himself and has unique interests that everybody ridicules? he actively tries to stay out of peoples way because hes seen as a burden? he spouts on about 'fake' visions he has and people think hes crazy for it (Evan with the nightmares, Norman with the ghosts and prophecies)? he gets dragged into some decades long tragedy and has to deal with it? they share the same role, but Evan is the beginning while Norman is the end? come on man

#obviously their stories are very different so not everything will apply #but like damnn #also pretty sure norman is kind of a gay allegory so do with thag what you will #its not that i think Evan is gay #jts that i think he probably feels disconnected from masculinity because of how much he isnt manlg #hes a boy who should be starting to grow up at his age who instead has really intense emotions and anxiety and nobody to help him with it #and of course his two manly family members will probably be telling him all about how he needs to toughen up and act like a 'real' man #when he isnt really kike that #he'll face different treatment than what girls his age will face #but thats just what i think #thoughts #evan #afton family #ALSOOO norman is probably the number 1 voice claim i have for evan #for these reasons i just listed and also because he just sounds how i think evan would sound #go search his voice up if you dont know #i think he fits really well for evan

[everysongineverykey]

#good omens #ineffable husbands #aziracrow #irretrievably fucked up. so fucked up #the way he's never actually really had to describe their relationship before #and now that he's having to for the first time he can't!! #for their entire existence it hasn't even been safe to call them friends! and now that nina's pointing out the fact that #the way crowley looks at aziraphale- and aziraphale at him- and the way they act around each other #is more typical of lovers than friends #he's DUMBSTRUCK!!! he's never thought about that!! he's just always felt this way! he never even considered it!!! #and so he tries so hard to explain just what aziraphale is to him #and he stutters and he can't even say he's a friend. he can't even say friend #because a) he's still got that leftover anxiety about heaven and hell noticing #and b) it feels strange now that nina's pointed out the romantic aspects of their relationship #so he stammers. and he finally lands on 'an angel i know'. #and the way he says 'an angel' normally and then gets the shakiest #most pained note in his voice when he adds on 'i know'. #when i first watched that scene #i interpreted it as 'i KNOW he's an angel' rather than 'he's an angel i know' #because he stresses that 'i know' #he's so so aware of how dangerous it is for them to be together even now #and he is so so conscious of aziraphale's wariness of 'going too fast' #those six words just say it all don't they. 'he's just an angel... i know.' #both in the sense that what aziraphale means to him is too complicated to be explained with the words 'friend' or 'partner' or 'boyfriend' #or 'lover' or anything #and in the sense that crowley knows exactly what sort of angel aziraphale is. kill me RIGHT now.

[candyheartedchy]

Sometimes I wonder if certain fandoms are familiar with my work due to me self shipping with certain characters and how much that actually terrifies me.

#ANXIETY ACTING UP AGAIN SORRY #but fr tho I always feel like I’m embarrassing myself in front of other fans #like I’m that person who they all ‘😒 it’s her again’ type of thing #like I don’t mind fandom blogs following me but at the same time I wish I was more active with interacting with other fans #like I don’t want to bother folks either or have them think I don’t want to interact #I just get so nervous and scared #so I end up just keeping to myself but I want to interact so badly #ventish #maybe??? #💬 chy chatter 💬