#just bc my anxiety is telling me it needs to be said: im ok with fem and masc compliments :3

[florida3exclamationpoints]

.

#i said i was gonna see how today goes and decided about resigning then #well its 2:30. im just gonna do it #like. omg. the manager asked me how i felt about hoe it was goi g snd i was just like..... idk #he said 'a little improvement is better than nothing so just try 😀' BRO?????? #that's what ive been doing for A MONTH is trying and improving a little bit and you're telling me he cant even tell?????? #bc!!!! he thinks i just dont wanna do it ajd anxiety is an excuse ive said this the whole time!!!!!!!!! #but fr. before this its been 'talk to EVERYONE' now he says a little is ok but he doesn't think ive even done that. #nice :) #also someone came in wearing an eras shirt and i wanted to say smth to her about it but my anxiety was too high already #so. if this is gonna be what every shift feels like i cant keep doing it #and if i come back after vacation im just gonna be prolonging the anxiety bc im still gonna have to quit at some point #i still need to look for a new job #might as well get it over with now ig #my stomach hurts :) #she was a baker girl

[dolls-self-ships]

hey guys, I've been having a hard time lately and it's really hitting me hard today, would any of y'all mind maybe dropping a comforting message in my inbox? Could be from an f/o or just you I don't mind either way, I just need to feel like I'm not alone right now ;-;

#my ocd has been flaring up so so bad lately and my medication isnt working as well as it used to #and i had to leave work like... 5 times this month abd I just feel so ashamed and guilty #and then when I got home for some reason my sister wasnt home even though she usually is bc its unlike her to go out unprompted #ohhhh wait as in typing this Im just remembering she had to go to the mall today #thats why shws not hime #anyway in my panic attack haze I thought bc my managers texts werent getting through to me even tho she said she had texted me just so i #could let her know I got home safe #shes super sweet- they werent getting through to me so like I started freaking out 'wait what if im dead and it happened on the walk home' #bc before I kept saying 'I wish I was dead' when really that just means 'I want to be ok and normal and not whatever this is' #so I thought I had manifested it somehow and thats why my managers texts werent getting through and why my sister wasbt home #idk why Im explaining all this in here I just need to vent I think ;-; #but im like.. gonna try to do some laundry maybe that'll take my mind off things #oh I called her by calling the store and everything was good so #and like.. my logic brain knows that Im not dead and that my sister is just getting her ipad fixed and Im able to contact the outside world #just fine but my anxiety brain is telling me that im just fabricating this all in my head and im actually dead irl #which is so dumb and out of nowhere ik but I think the whole 'careful what you wish for' thing is so ingrained into my head #and that isnt even what my ocd is about its an entirley different topic that I am just too scared to even talk about #reading this back and realizing all the typos I made is filling me with so much embarassment Im sorry for your eyes my hands are shaky

[muikitoo]

Sooooooooooooo...

so...

Are you still taking requests?...

Idk what you are comfortable with doing or not... But if you are ok with it, could you do a Rise Leo x Reader anxiety attack?

*Nervous anime sweat drops 👉👈*

Like, maybe the Reader has been masking emotions all day and when Leo comes over they break down or catches them mid break down... Or something like that...?

Thank you!

*Runs away-*

Anxiety attack

Leo x gn! s/o who is having an anxiety attack.

Warnings

Anxiety attack, but the rest is fluff and comfort.

A/N:

I was actually pretty excited to write this. I hope it turned out well enough

- When he finds u in the middle of an anxiety attack, he panics. A lot.

- Quickly goes and gets you some water.

- He tries to calm you down, without necessary touching you or doing anything that could possibly trigger you more.

- breathing exercises/techniques

- after youve calmed down a little he tries to use reassuring words and hugs u gently(only if u let him).

- "Its okay. Youre safe now, i promise."

- it rally hurts him to see you like that, he loves you more than anything.

- After some time he'll ask to talk to you about what happened, if you dont wana talk abt it then he'll try and distract u/make u feel better (movies, games, cuddles, ect) and then talk about it whenever you need

Leo decided to visit you, worried. You hadn't texted or called him in a while. He thought you were just busy bc of school and that you'd visit the lair after your classes ended, but you never did.

Once he entered your apartment/house - it was awfully quiet. He felt his heart start to race, thinking about everything that couldve possibly happened. "Y/n? Hermosa? You home?" He said nervously. He was afraid, which he usually masks well, but this time he couldnt even think of that. He needed to make sure youre okay. The more he got closer to your room, the more he could hear faint sobs. He entered your room and saw you on the floor, shaking.

"Y/n!" He was quick to be by your side. He was confused and didnt want to touch you or do anything triggering. He quickly ran to the kitchen to grab you some water. He helped you drink some and then set the cup down somewhere and then turned his attention back to you. "Breathe, love. Breathe." He made you look at him as he told you to follow his instructions, breathing slowly - in and out.

"hey, do you mind if i hold you for a little while?" He asked after youve calmed down a bit. After getting your approval, he slightly scooted towards you and gently layed your head on his plastron, wrapping his arms around you. "Do you mind telling me what happened? Or do you want to talk about it later? As you amazing and handsome boyfriend i want to be here for you through this and help you anyway i can!" He chuckled, trying to lighten the mood a little and wanting to earn atleast a small smile from you. You let out a shaky giggle, telling him about your stressful day and everything that happened during the classes. He listened carefully, petting your hair and humming every once in a while to let you know he's listening.

After having a talk and making sure youre okay, you decided to watch a movie. "You know what? Ill be generous today and let my amazing s/o pick whatever movie you want." He smirked as he pecked your head, getting comfortable in the sheets as he handed you the remote.

A/N: i wrote this in school so it was rushed. Im not that educated in stuff like this so if i got something wrong please correct me without being rude.

#leonardo tmnt #rise of the tmnt #rottmnt leo #rottmnt #rottmnt fluff #tmnt 2018 #rise of tmnt #rise of the turtles #rise leo #rise of the teenage mutant ninja turtles #rise leo x reader #rottmnt leo x reader #rottmnt x reader #rottmnt x y/n #rottmnt x you #leonardo x reader #leonardo hamato #rise movie #rottmnt movie #rottmnt donnie #raphael rottmnt #rottmnt mikey #rottmnt splinter #rottmnt april #donnie hamato #rise raph #rise mikey

[rachelcommitscrimes]

im gonna rant abt how much i hate the ghost eyes fandom (as a former fan) bc im just kinda mad rn

so uhh yeah major TW for s3lf h4rm, romanticizing mental illness, su1c1de, sadomasochism, infantilization, and rlly just anything related to that

(also sorry if this looks weird idk how to separate stuff on tumblr)

also DO NOT harass the creator or anyone mentioned here, you’re no better than them if you do that

——————————————————————————

ok so i read ghost eyes like 2 years ago but i stopped reading about the point where they were on that field trip. i still think it’s a nice comic and i’m sure the author is a cool person, also the art style is awesome. but the fandom is so fucking gross that i’m surprised more people haven’t talked about it. 

for some backstory on this, i used have REALLY bad depression and was cutting myself regularly (i’m much better now, i have medication, therapy, and i’m almost a year clean) i also stopped reading due to the comic severely damaging my mental health and i’m very glad i did. i was younger and immature and thought i could handle such content. this led to me becoming extremely obsessed with the comic to an unhealthy level, and getting severely attached to one of the characters (rudy) because i could relate to him at that time. i seriously thought that i WAS him sometimes.

i understand now that i should NOT have ignored the label and what i did was definitely wrong and if the creator is reading this i deeply apologize. i’m in a much better place now and i’m just glad that i was able to get the help i needed.

ok now to the angry part

if you don’t know what ghost eyes is, it’s a webcomic about a severely traumatized boy attending school for the first time and meeting a bunch of other severely traumatized kids. this comic has a crap ton of triggering/sensitive/disturbing topics (which is not a bad thing as long as you do it right) and like i said before, the creator has kindly put a warning before the comic starts stating that you SHOULD NOT romanticize/idolize/sexualize/kin any of the characters, do not read unless you can handle such topics, and so forth. now i know i should have definitely put the comic down before and not gotten obsessed over it, but i knew damn well enough that it was messed up to romanticize/sexualize any of the characters/things that happened in the book.

there are several scenes in which a character is self harming or harming someone else, and the comments will say shit like “nooo my poor bean” “awww baby don’t do that” or my personal favorite “protect the smol bean.” first of all, the characters are like 16-17, second of all, i cannot even tell you how fucked up it is that people see someone ruining their lives and putting themselves in danger and think it’s “cute” or “anxiety smol bean uwu” THERES LITERALLY A SCENE WHERE SOMEONE IS GETTING STABBED AND PPL ARE DRAWING THIS MF IN A MAID DRESS.

another reason i despise these fans is that they see an abusive relationship and start making ships/kinning them. as someone who has gone through pretty much everything rudy has gone through, i cant tell you how irritating it is to see people shipping him with his abuser or calling him a “cutie patootie masochist boi uwu” cause lemme tell you what-it doesnt feel good to have to put your health in danger and ruin your relationships with others just so you can get off somehow. ITS NOT FUN. the whole point of rudy’s character is to not romanticize someones fucked up mental health.

i could spend hours talking about this group of immature brats, but i’m tired and it’s a school night and i have a test tomorrow. i might add on if i feel like i need to but overall i really hope those immature fans grow up and realize their mistakes like i did, or get the help they need.

#ghost eyes #webcomic #rant #angry ramblings #angry rant #i hate this fandom #tw su1c1d3 #tw sh implied #go get some help please

[chaosismynamemf]

Here are headcanons bc i decided im not going to wait for someone to ask for them bc im not a wuss PT. 1

I SAID IT BEFORE AND ILL SAY IT AGAIN

REGULUS ARCTURUS BLACK IS REALLY FUCKING TALL

Remus and lily are also pretty tall

James and sirius are short kings

peter's average height and hes chill with that

hes also carries himself really like idk proper? idk. He just unconsciously has really good posture. its so fuckin elegant (Bc you KNOW that shit was drilled into him asap. sirius was the same way i think lol. I think my mans literally trained himself to slouch.)

ALSO- I regulus has autism (ik its a popular hc but idc if its popular i agree with it and i love everyone being nd and gay and pwinpiwnpinqfp I NEED REPRESENTATION ALR??)

Reg also has bipolar disorder and anxiety ptsd and depression

Sirius has bpd and ocd and ptsd bc i have bpd and ocd and i said so

james has adhd

remus has depression and anxiety

peter is the token nt friend lmao once again hes just chillin

hes vv supportive tho and is as helpful as he can be you wont catch him slippin and being ignorant and weird about his friends and they mental illness. Nuh-uh no sir.

Ok so i dunno much about the slytherin skittles or like Marlene, dorcus (is she apart of slytherin skittles?? idk man) ,mary, etc etc

But i see them everywhere in the fandom sooooo yall best be aware ive gotten attached to these fuckers

Marlene

She is SO FUCKIN HOT

Gods

So hot

She could step on me

Her and sirius are besties. Leather jacket duo if you will.

OK BUT REGULUS IN PLATFORMS???

Just thought of that and i am in love

Ugh this man is my everything

i honestly just wanna be his best friend

deadass

but anyways

i actually like the idea of regulus and sirius having similar music tastes and exchanging music reccs

dont come at me lmao

Literally reggie and sirius are just 2 sides of the same coin

this post is getting really fuckin long. BUT IDC

i wanna talk about my VERY MUCH ALIVE AND WELL AND HAPPY gay wizards

i dont know much about other cultures or anything like that.

so im not gonna go willy nilly and assign a bunch of headcanons on race or ethnicity or whatever

but i am TELLING YOU, YEA YOU

my wizard babies were not all white

We can all agree on this yes?

james has a little bump on the bridge of his nose.

And dimples

regulus and sirius getting drunk would either be really really funny or really really depressing

There is no in between

regulus is the type to not heavily drink all too often but when he does? my mans is blackout

the next morning? he dont know shit, legit if he DOES remember anything? hes like "mustve been a funky dream"

Yes regulus says funky

i honestly dont gaf that marauders era is set in like the 70's

Regulus deadass acts like gen Z incarnated, and you wouldnt be able to snatch this from my cold dead hands

even then i wouldnt let go

id wake up to bitch slap you

bitch

ANYWAYS

I think that regulus has like really explosive anger and sirius actually has like the quiet, you know im angry, what'cha gonna do about it?

my logic is that regulus has for the longest time kept all of his emotions and opinions to himself bc he literally couldnt express them because he was barely surviving as is

regulus speaking his mind about anything would be suicide

Now the opposite is for sirius ofc

sirius from pretty early got to scream and shout what he thought and felt until he lost his voice

He got a lot of it out of his system

he hasnt HAD to bottle up enough anger to be explosive

Also jus sayin i set all of this in a everyone lives, nobody dies universe

voldemort is killed in the 1st war because regulus survived the cave and ended up on Order of the phoenix's doorstep bein like

"Let me in, i got sum shit to tell you"

Man's is soaking wet and has a look so intense noone can tell him no

And so my mans joins the order and ends the war MUCH MUCH EARLIER

pop off buddy

love ya, mean it

nobody really trusted him at first

and i mean it

regulus was vv alienated at first (Not by dorcus, but dorcus is only one person and cant keep the caution and disgust and animosity away completely)

and you know what??

He was hurt he was angry he was depressed and he was so so over this shit

So he screamed until he was hoarse and told them to get their heads outta their asses bc he was here to help and here to stay

he knows he fucked up and he is self aware to know that he couldve been called the "bad guy" on many occasions

but that doesnt fuckin matter anymore because hes apart of their little hero club now and he is not being shunned just because he was a dumb kid who made mistakes

long story short my dudes like "SO-if you're going to talk shit, either say it to my face or keep quiet. ight?"

vv quickly after that people choose to keep quiet and actually yknow interact with him and see for themselves that he is not the boogie man hiding under their bed waiting to fuck them over.

I love angry, unhinged, doesnt gaf anymore regulus

Hes been through too much to be calm cool and collected towards people who he doesnt give a shit about (i mean he will but still)

ANYWAYS (can you tell i have adhd? if not i vv much am)

Regulus yanks his school besties (Even and barty) away from voldemort. I think my mans straight up yoinked them.

after the war he reaches out to pandora

this is getting really long so i will make another part lmao

LOOK YOU CANT BLAME ME

these characters couldve been so dynamic and complex

and jkr ROBBED US

#jkr is trash #i hate her #anyways #I love my dead gay wizards #Except they aren't dead :) #jegulus headcanon #james x regulus #james & peter & remus & sirius #peter pettigrew #regulus #sirius and regulus #marauders era #harry potter fandom #regulus headcanon #regulus being regulus #regulus and evan and barty #regulus deserved better #black brothers

[humanitys-strongest-bamf]

hey, kat. it is that anon.

i just came here to apologize for just ....yeah....how that all went down. i wrote that message in haste. i'm abc so when i saw your post my first thought was "wow kinda not cool of them to say that" but then i thought about how i would've posted the same thing if my relatives were fatshaming me. i agree with you that--especially in a predominantly white society--that we have every right to speak to our identities and cultures, including their unrealistic beauty standards.

i looked through your about-mes and couldn't find any mention of your identity, not that you have to disclose that tho. at the time, i tried to think "how can i tell this person that what they said is not ok if they are not-chinese, but that they have every right to (and i can relate) if they are?" and obviously i did a poor job conveying that. i was weighing the possibility that you were white and saying something racist against the possibility that you were also chinese and you had the right to say that.

didn't want to come off anon because we're moots who just haven't really talked much and i don't want to get off on the wrong foot because i was hoping to become friends eventually. i'm not sure if i can salvage things, so if you want me to just unfollow that's fine.

once again very sorry for my miscommunications. like i said, i was feeling kinda fiery as i thought about the possibility of that post coming from a white person. i hope my apology can bring you some peace. wholeheartedly, i hope you are okay and im sorry once again.

(editing bc I was too stoned to see the part about you being abc alskdkfjfg)

honestly, i think the main thing was that this could have been avoided if you had dm'd me. i'm a *tad* less agitated about it now because i've had time to process and took some anxiety meds.

and thank you for taking the time to clarify. i appreciate it. and again, i get it. you were trying to watch out for a marginalized group. communicating through text is difficult.

tldr;

- you don't have to salvage anything - me explaining the white savior complex a bit more, although I appreciate you clarifying about being abc (so am I!) - although i'm still not okay with the original ask i do appreciate you reaching out again and taking the time to clarify - i'm sorry for being so hostile about it /gen - if you do want to chat feel free to dm (whether about this or hornyposting - i'm stoned af rn lmao and am chilling, esp now that you've taken the time to clarify/reach out)

i wouldn't worry about salvaging anything because it doesnt need to be. you taking the time to type this out already says the world about your position and intentions as more genuine and, honestly

most people don't know. my main gripe was the feeling that someone was trying to come in and shut my voice down. with the invalidation that i have dealt with personally, but also as a community that is constantly having our voice stomped on, the comment about feeling the right to say it was what set me off.

I'm sorry I just kinda assumed you were white (guess we were in the same boat there lmao), but a huge thing that irks me in general (not isolated to this obvs), is that a lot of the people that do these types of callouts are usually someone with multiple dominant identities, and rarely the identity of the group they're trying to protect. and this is a huge problem in the social work field especially because the dominant group is *constantly* speaking FOR the marginalized group, regardless of its what they want or not.

anyway, i'm glad you reached out. i'm still not okay with the ask, but you bringing clarity to it does make it a bit easier to deal with. if you want to come off anon and dm me, i'd be glad to talk and chat, even if it's about this (or levi ackerman's cock idrc)

with anons, comes an extra layer of unease, animosity, and uncertainty, so the potential for miscommunication is very high. but again, the fact that you came out, clarified, despite technically not even needing to because i never would've figured out who you were anyway, says much more about your intentions and authenticity (positive) more than anything else could have

sorry i was so hostile in my responses. this is clearly something i've had to tell people off about. my offer still stands, if you want to dm, please feel free (i'm nice once you get to know me i swear LMAO) to

#kat chats #cw: racism #cw: weed #tw: discourse #maybe? idk #anyway sorry i freaked out the bpd kinda possessed me this afternoon #hope i didnt scare you off i'm normally nice i swear ksjfksdjfkjdsf

[aeiousomehugs]

Ah, Neurodivergency~

me: i had trouble falling asleep last night. i felt restless.

dad: were you trying

me: [internal sigh]

my dady: have you tried counting backwards from 100?

me: yes, and that didn't work bec-

dad: you have to [ngl i kinda zoned out but it was pretty much "it has to be the only thing you focus on"]

-

[me immediately after getting ready and trying to count back from 100]

100 - Wait, how does 1 connect to two 0s? 1 and 0 would connect by being consecutive, but with two 0s, the relationship changes... is 0/0 = 0 or 1? i gotta look this up after. how about if it makenit a word problem? how many times does 0 fit into 0? well 1 right? but if the requirement is nothing how does it contain a whole? ok let me try a different wording. i have no parts to fit into no parts, i have no parts? well that sounds like 0...

ugh 99 - cool, i like 99, you can put so many 3s in there. how many 3s-OK BUT WHat is 0/0!*

-! i need to get out of the shower, or we'll be late!

[drying off] if infinity divides by infinity, thats a lot of numbers to think about

[getting dressed] i love that infinity and zero are the same and opposites thats a cute relationship

[leaves bathroom]

me: i tried the counting thing guess what i got to

dad: dont tell me you got to like 84 or 88 or something?**

me: i got to 99, but i went back to 100 because [i explain 0/0 dilemma]

dad[kinda angry]: you gotta try staying on task. It's the first step any you do it with everything, this is why youbget stuck

--

listen at first i was really mad bc adhd isnt something i can turn off, i dont even really notice im doing it AND even if i do notice, its usually something fun and hard to find reasons to stop. whats the harm?

typing it out though does make me a little concerned but im still on the "its fun" page. i have tried anti anxiety meds and that made my thoughts less dense, it was hell. my brain was empty and everything still took equally as long i just felt more alone.

* you can fit 6 3s in two 9s, and 6x3 is 19, which is 9x2! isn't that cool! omg, and 9+2 is 11! which! 9x11! 99!

** he said two numbers with fun 4 relationships

#number relationships #adhd #counting #math #shower thoughts #neurodivergent #actually mentally ill #im gay for numbers #sigh #notes #is this related to autism or like ocd or something? #also my dad has adhd too (his is more external) he gets frustrated at me so much but he doesnt see anything wrong with his brain #just with mine

[scoutsbiggestfan]

ok bc people noticed my other post heres some more yay!!! im gonna try to make this more organized, i typed the other post on my phone so it was a little messy. 

reminder some of this is shipping stuff. theres also gonna be some serious topics in here ...

CONTENT WARNING!!!!!! tw for substance abuse, eds, talk of dysphoria (idk if i need to tw that but im gonna just in case,!!), self harm

- all of the mercs are autistic and queer in some way. half of them are trans too heres my hcs for that... plus some other stuff ! - scout: trans (ftm) bi, autistic, adhd, dyslexic. he/him. ! - soldier: pan, autistic. he/him. ! - pyro: bi, nonbinary, aroace, autistic, adhd. he/she/they/it. ! - demoman: gay, autistic, adhd. he/they. ! - heavy: gay, ace, autistic. he/they. ! - engineer: pan, nonbinary, ace, autistic. he/she. ! - medic: bi, aroaceflux, autistic, ocd. any. ! - sniper: gay, ace, autistic. he/they. ! - spy: bi (pref for women), transfem, autistic, ASPD. he/she/they.

- talking about spy woo!! i feel like spy would have ASPD (antisocial personality disorder) but she does know about it and medic helps him and acts like a therapist if needed :D! 

- (tw for substance abuse) because of spys ASPD for a while they were dependent on alcohol. i feel like it played a part in his relationship with scouts ma and he reacted to “this is very bad for her and [scout]” by leaving them without saying anything. i think that she really wishes the best for the two and means no hard feelings against either of them

- (tw for eds) i feel like that with snipers antisocial behavior and autism he gained a lot of anxiety, self doubt, and suicidal thoughts and behaviors. for a while he was almost completely dependent on the bare minimum (coffee and a few snacks every so often, probably) and didnt even really realize how destructive it was until medic pointed some of his behaviors out to him (privately, of course).

- (tw for dysphoria, self harm) scouts dysphoria was really bad for the longest time. i feel like he had no idea how to cope with it well, so he ended up self harming as a way to cope. he ended up using art as a way to cope instead, but he def got his surgeries done by medic.

- speaking of his surgeries, scout very much so appreciates the fact that medic did the surgeries for him. it may not look or sound like it but he is so glad medic offered to do it because it was one of the happiest days of his life

sorry for all the serious stuff... lets get a bit more lighthearted!! this is ship stuff x3

- ok for bushmedicine i feel like sniper did a lot of opening up so medic learned a lot of new things about him very slowly, but he LOVES every new thing he learns. like "oh, sniper just mentioned a favorite animal? thank you for telling me i will never forget it"

- engiespy... this is more of an idea i came up with, but i feel like engie confessed first, and spy was absolutely mind BLOWN that he had no idea how to respond and for once was just. shocked. and engie took it badly so then he felt really bad, and apologized... but he slowly realized he has feelings back, so he started hanging out with engie more (just checking in on him and seeing what hes working on) that eventually he just. told engie. who was super excited!!! (then they totally made out)

- sniperspy? hell yeah!! i feel like spy would be “totally shocked” that he likes this rugged, piss throwing, bushman. but yes he does love him... at finds him very attractive... which is new for him but he doesnt mind it because snipers hot ok. she would fight for him. sniper on the other hand was just? he just found spy super attractive, like “holy shit thats really hot, shes really fucking hot” but didnt say anything until spy said something first (because she was tired of waiting...)

- sniperscout?? yuppppppppppppp!!! sniper doesnt come around a lot on the days off, so scout took that as an opportunity to talk to him about stories hes already told the others. sniper (surprisingly) enjoys listening to him ramble, so scout comes coming around more often, and they just slowly grow closer. very opposites attract trope but i love it

#team fortress 2 #spy tf2 #sniper tf2 #engineer tf2 #scout tf2 #medic tf2 #pyro tf2 #heavy tf2 #demoman tf2 #soldier tf2 #tf2 headcanons #tf2 #i hope some of these are okay... ik they are pretty serious topics #queer #lgbtq #trans #scoutsbiggestfan hcs

[compassionatereminders]

So, feel free to just delete this, obviously this is your blog lol I just feel like I need to spill it to a 3rd party, I hope that's ok- it's really long though so 100% there is no expectation to read or post it LMAO

So, I got into a big argument with my (now ex) gf where I basically said she and her friends, who said they were my friends too, were pretty much leaving me out of group chat convos and talking behind my back (I know this because they brought stuff up that I'd only told her.) And like- I understand I'm not going to be involved in literally every conversation she has! Some things are just between her and her friends, that's fine, I have friends I talk to without her too! But the fact that *nothing* I told her stayed between us made me really insecure and paranoid, so I stopped telling her important stuff, and then she got upset that I wasn't talking to her as much or giving her as much time. When I told her why, she got more upset and kind of dodged the accusation, saying that if I respected her more and gave her more of my time then we would be better off and I would be a better girlfriend.

I left the group chat pretty suddenly because I was overwhelmed and just didn't feel like I could do it anymore; they all expected me to be online 24/7 even when I told them I couldn't be, and because of this, there were a lot of times where my ex would send a picture of herself, get lots of support from the friends, and then they'd turn this silent spotlight onto me to see what I had to say about the selfie. Then, when I didn't respond bc I was busy, they would all get passive aggressive, and my ex would (I hate to use this word but I cant think of another one) mope about it until I apologized or did something to make up for it.

Recently we all made up, i apologized for whag i said because some of it was mean, and I was invited back to thr original GC, but it turns out they had all been talking bad about me behind my back, saying I was a coward for leaving, i was jealous of her talking to other people, and that I needed to support her no matter what, even if it was something I didn't agree with (we'd gotten into minor spat about abortion rights; im pro-choice, shes not, and it made me upset to find out). I dont really know how to feel. On one hand, yeah- they were supporting their friend who had a (fairly messy? Idk, that was my first relationship) breakup and sometimes a little smack talk is warranted, I won't pretend I was perfect. But on the other... they brought up a lot of stuff I did before we broke up that I didn't realize was a problem. How I don't like group calls because of my anxiety and that made me even more of a coward, how I didn't like sending pictures of myself and that was apparently me faking being insecure for attention, how I wouldn't answer things in the GC immediately even though they knew I had work and at the time was my nephew's most reliable babysitter.

My fight or flight activates pretty much every time I even open the app, but I don't want to just up and leave again because then they'd get mad all over. They haven't said anything to my face, so maybe I'm just projecting my insecurities or something, and I knew things wouldn't be the same as they were before, but I feel like my being back in the group has caused some serious tension. 2 of them clearly don't like me but won't say anything about it. 1 of them claims he's always blunt and will call me out if I go too far or smth, but he never has, and he was a big part of talking about me.

I don't know. They make me want to just ghost them and find new friends but 1. I would feel terrible if someone ghosted me and 2. I don't really have many opportunities to meet new people at the moment. I have 1 friend who isn't part of it but he lives an 18 hour drive away.

I know your relationship dynamic changed recently (in a good way, right?) so I really hope this wasn't like, uncomfortable to read or anything. Sorry for the mega rant

These people sound emotionally immature to the point of being toxic. I don't think you'll regret leaving this chat and moving on

#chat with kat #abortion tw

[what-if-nct]

hiiii is it ok if i ask for some advice? im sorry im gonna sound rambly but uhhh i'm 14 and starting high school next year (which i alrdy dont feel too good abt haha) and my (overbearing asian) parents are going to send me to this private lutheran hs instead of the public one i was supposed to go to bc its more upper class and smart (?). tbh i was genuinely surprised that i liked the school, academic-wise, and i rlly liked that i had the space in my schedule to take more fine arts classes (i dont have any in my hs) but like the first thing the principal said to me was that i "needed to learn to be a good christian". a whole hour each week is dedicated to jesus and i just know my atheist ass is going to be uncomfortable asf. first, one of my best friends has a thing for jesus (he says jesus is too hot to be straight 😭) and i cant tell if hes joking anymore, and second, i dont have a problem with people who are religious, but i do when they are flat out hateful and harrassing people from communities they "dont agree with", and i just know the people preaching at this school are the latter.

also rn i am the *only* poc in my entire school, and i noticed there were a lot more asian students and students of color, so hopefully there'll be less kids pulling at their eyes or calling me slurs :D

anyways i not a fan of the fact that "homosexual behavior on or off campus" warranted for expulsion, since i am a *very* queer and bisexual individual. at my current school, i dont really need to hide my gayness bc no one cares, and my teachers are accepting (my homeroom teachers a lesbian lol <33). i dont think i can handle having to hide such a big part of my identity at home *and* at school :( too add to that i really suck at making friends, so being somewhere without people i'm comfortable with, my anxiety gets really bad, and i just shut down completely.

my hs is p rundown (like most public highschools are) and the classes are average at best, so idk man, im torn :( i dont know if i should suck it up and go to lutheran school bc their good academics, or ✨be myself✨ and go to p shitty school :/

i dont know what to do (or if i can even do anything) abt it i just dont feel too good about this :( you've mentioned you went to a christian school, so do you have any advice? even if you dont, thank you so so much for listening to me rant for a moment there <33 i really treasure you and your blog, atp you feel like the big sister i've never had. i love youuuu <333

That is such a sticky situation. Cause maybe you can try to persuade your parents especially since they'll be paying for the private school on top of college tuition in the future, it can be a huge selling point. I know that's how I won in the decision of beauty school over college it's cheaper. And christian and catholic schools are heavily based in religion like it's a huge part of it so if you don't believe in it it can be absolutely mind numbing. I actually didn't go to Christian school, actually wasn't forced to go to church as a child, I was like 11 and for some reason told grandma Christianity is responsible for all the bad things that happened in the world. Which is wild that I even was able to come to that conclusion as a child she just brushed me off. But I did go to church summer camp to be with my friends which my friend and I got scolded for holding hands but she was just leading me through the crowd of people. So that's still unfortunately a huge part of christian beliefs

the thing that really caught me off guard is the homosexual activity off campus can lead to expulsion. On campus like sucks but is expected of a christian school sadly. But off campus in your day to day life is like your actions off campus shouldn't be judged by the school. Like I can't wrap my mind around that. I think since you have a whole summer maybe look for more schools you can attend I remember doing this in middle school because my home high school was an F school so you could choose any high school within a certain range. You'd be really surprised with how many schools are around you I'm assuming you're in the us but I'm sure everywhere has a ton of schools. And look for a school that holds some of what your parents want and also your own values and needs for your education. And maybe your parents seeing you take initiative might be an extra point.

If your parents are deadset on it. I think try to make the best out of it as much as you can usually there's a group of people in the same boat you're in where their parents forced them to be there. Trust me no matter where you go you will always be drawn to those like you every single time. But if you do get the choice of going to the original public school firstly screw every single racist little bitch who does that to you that is horrid I am so sorry you have to endure that. People suck. But you can also learn extra independently I always did that cause I was a bit ahead of my class. But I really think researching more schools in your area would help you find the perfect school for you. I personally was in love with Waldorf schools they're more creative led schools and freer, I wanted to go to one so badly. So figure out the exact kind of education you want like a magnet school, charter school it doesn't hurt to see how receptive your parents will be to it.

I really hope this helped at all and I hope it works out well for you. And Awwww it's so sweet you see me as a big sister, I gladly be your big sister, love you too🌸🌸🌸

[sistervirtue]

ok so my crush is my best friend ive known since birth. i dont even know where to start with him because he feels like everything to me. crush doesnt even feel anywhere close to describing it i genuinely feel hes the love of my life and he does so much for me i sometimes wonder if im bringing anything to the table (i am and i know i am) juet because he makes me feel so much more complete and capable and whole and ahhh everything. i know he cares about me and loves me and we say it everytime we talk and what started as joking about getting married and being in love is now 100% genuine to me and i know hes not lying per se but im not sure how deep it goes on his end and ive tried genuinely confessing several times and its just so similar to the way we talk to each other regularly that it doesnt go anywhere bc he just takes it as banter. hes said to my face that hes terrible at identifying flirting and people need to be direct (which. why did he feel the need to tell me that LOL) and theres a million things i can say and ive asked out everyone ive ever dated and i KNOW no matter what ill be the one to make the first move (this is not a bad thing, im a very honest and forward person and im used to it and like it this way it just gets a bit stressful sometimes) but like. ok this is kinda late to mention but hes aro but weve both talked about our complicated feelings about romance and relationships and such bc i have a very hard time maintaining feelings for someone after we get together (idk why its pretty annoying lol) and he can be very interested in dating one day and have no interest the next and i dont want to ask him out and him to feel guilty for not being interested in a romantic relationship with me or like. at all and i really dont want him to feel guilty and i know he will if i can manage to confess outright and the answer is no bc anxiety 😭😭 and if we did get together im terrified of losing feelings for him because he means so much to me and to lose that seems dreadful and i genuinely cannot imagine a world without him because he like. is the only person who helps me focus and got me to do college dorm stuff and a million other things i couldnt convince myself to and also like. were moving into dorms together this fall 😭😭 like if i ask him out and it goes sideways for any reason were going to live together and like. hes my oldest friend and i doubt our relationship would be so easy to destroy but im scared ill do it anyways ☹☹

oh man.....what a situation to be in

i agree that i dont think a romance confession would destroy your relationship, though, even if you get turned down. most of my exes and i remained amicable after breaking up, and when i turned people crushing on me down, i never got the impression that we should stop being friends. the line between friendship and romance is pretty thin.

either way, i hope it works out for you

#long post

[florida3exclamationpoints]

Hmmmmm I love being mentally ill

#manager told me yesterday 'i really need you to work on greeting people' #so i finally said smth about my anxiety #(i haven't said anything in the last few weeks he keeps bringing this up but i have told him a few months ago) #but i said basically 'i know and im trying but i have bad anxiety and its been getting worse the last few weeks' #and he said. pretty much. 'ok yeah i get it. just do it anyway tho.' #which is basically what he said before #like??? bro i would LOVE to just do it. just get over it and deal with it. that's not how it works tho #he was like yeah well you dont have to talk much just say hi welcome #YEAH MAN!!! maybe that would tell you how bad the anxiety is!!! bc ive been struggling with that!! that is apparently so simple and easy!!! #so he hasn't said anything yet today. not many customers have been in yet. #i asked one person who was looking at the case if they wanted anything #and ik he saw me do that #and someone else came in and i looked up and smiled and he said hi to me first and i said hi back #which is still not what im supposed to do lol but its a lot for me #but i dont think the manager saw that #so :)) apparently he stayed late yesterday so hes leaving early tomorrow #hey king why dont you leave early today #also. my ingredients are ordered but not here. so im just making stuff that hasnt been ordered #again. not what im supposed to do. but what else am i gonna do?????? #ALSO. yesterday i thought i was running low on cake boards. so i ordered them. today i find them in the back #i went to take it off the order. they already bought them. whatever ill use them eventually #but that was why other stuff didn't get ordered soon enough bc i could've sworn there was more. then i realize there's not #so this time i assume there's not more. then there is. and now we're gonna have a bunch extra #WHATEVER!!! #i have to go back now ive been in the bathroom too long skfhks #she was a baker girl

[juni-ravenhall]

i have to wear a 24h ekg thing bc my blood pressure is super high and my pulse is rly high and if i just like. stand up for 2 min i get sweaty and exhausted. nobody knows whats wrong yet but like

im rly scared in general bc health shit is terrifying

but its also so annoying that nobody took me seriously until now when they finally registered a super high blood pressure at the checkup (my blood pressure was a little high but fine on friday when they checked - despite all my other symptoms they were like meh come back on wednesday for blood tests and we’ll check the bp again just in case - but my symptoms are still all the same today as friday, the only difference is my bp RIGHT THEN wasnt this high so they didnt care, today i was suddenly a priority - point is, i told them all the symptoms it just wasnt enough for them, and that sucks ass) 

theyve ignored every time i asked for help for years bc “its just anxiety :)” despite me telling them hey this thing is literally not just anxiety i actually know what anxiety feels like in my body and x and y symptoms are not normal for me

fucking hate swedish healthcare. government needs to put in like billions of money into this shit and hire a ton more staff so they have time and energy to actually care about patients that come in with serious problems.

also fuck the psych clinic who have kept trying to pump me full of bp raising antidepressants without checking the bp and when i said “im not sure about raising it again bc im worried for my bp” a couple weeks ago she said basically “lolz dw its fine” but agreed that it was ok for me to wait until my checkups for my symptoms. im not fucking raising it now when my bp is a disaster. they didnt take me seriously and figured my bp was fine without even checking or considering the possibility. 

#personal #illness #nonhorsgaem

[cjrights]

just saw ur reblog… I AM SORRY GIRL☹️☹️ think of it as i just missed u so much i had to go to ur twin cause u guys are like basicallyyy connected ykwim like u guys have that twin telepathy or whateva

anywayss yes bro i was so mad (period might be starting bc my ive been crying over the smallest things lately🤕🤕)

we went to this restaurant called din tai fung guys when i tell u i’m thsi restaurants biggest fan I MEAN IT. if there’s one near whoever is reading this 1000% recommend. but this restaurant is kinda like u order smth and everyone shares yk so there were a lot of stuff but my fav was the chocolate xlb those are bomb (K now i just sound like i belong on my 600 lb life)

aw that’s sounds like sm fun and also i remember a couple (a hundred) posts back u said u might share some of ur photography? i would love to see it !!

NO STOP I SWEAR IM LIKE CHARGING IT 24/7. my battery health is at like 92% which makes me want to cry bc i only got this phone like in like late july so yea that’s not too good…. but i did hear that the 14 pro had bad battery life so i’m just gonna use that excuse as to why the battery health is so bad !!

okay idk if this is gonna give away who i am but i think it might so i’ll limit the details but i’ve talked to u and luce a couple times and u guys are both so sweet ily guys both (my fav twins ever other than my future wife🤗🤗🤗) K i need to stop i’m like cringing at myself but anyways i think the only reason why i’m scared to dm is bc i’ll like randomly just be having a convo with u but i’ll like accidentally blurt out smth that reveals i’m the 🌉 anon😭😭

YEA I KNOW UGH I TOLD HER I WOULD LOVE TO GO ALREADY SO NO GOING BACK (not that i would want to in the first place i’m like basically dying of excitement)

and i think this might be my longest ask yet so sorry guys i just love talking (as u guys can all tell already)

- 🌉

ok i forgive you because that’s just too sweet

UGH im sorry babe that sucks ☹️ sending you no period vibes

HAHAHA no you don’t stop it! i think ive had that before it sounds yummm

ok no need to hate on the chronic yapping. i will keep the photos to myself if the hate continues.

my phone can never die. i will never let it. anxiety gets the best of me and im complaining “my phone is gonna die” when its at 70%

NOT CRINGE. I LOVE. your wife is wifeing soon trust trust!! BABEEEE you don’t have to reveal yourself!! but you can if you want 🤷🏼‍♀️🤷🏼‍♀️

YAYYYY YAYYY

me too it’s ok you already know and called me out in this ask.

#🌉 anon #i love my anons

[mentalillnessing]

Ok so this is a bit of a rant post so be warned

I FUCKING HATE HOW MEDICAL PROFESSION INFANTALISES TEENS EXPERIENCES

There I fucking said it. We were all thinking it

Its like you bring up any struggles and any potential treatments and they just say

✨️ hormones ✨️

Or

✨️ anxiety ✨️

I am so fucking tired of raising some pretty serious problems and just being told, you're young how would u know? Broski, this is right after I presented with voices in my brain telling me to hurt myself.

The ER lady literally told me that I didn't know what I was talking about, and that I'm to young to struggle with that shit. Why is it so hard for adults to understand that teens FUCKING UNDERSTAND THEIR OWN BODY

Like hello, I've had this body for a while, I've learnt how to tell the difference between puberty mood swings and other shit. I figured it out at 14 - which was YEARS AGO - so it would be great, splendid, shocking even if you could just bloody listen to me and NOT push away my concerns.

Like, I think I know my symptoms better than you, so it would be really awesome if you could listen to them instead of talking over me.

But it's not just mental health, I've got a couple of chronic (physical) health conditions, and it's like we don't need to listen to you. I had severe period pain, and it took OVER a YEAR for me to be referred - and I'm talking, I was doped up on the highest level of painkillers for a week and a half and then panadol for a week before and after my period - and then instead of figuring put what was happening they put me on the pill at 14. 14.

And when I had appendicitis - classic symptoms, mind you - they had to check multiple times that I wasn't pregnant despite the many times I told them that I wasn't sexually active. Last time I checked, I'm not Mother Mary, so I'm def not pregnant via immaculate conception. But what do I know, I mean its only MY FUCKING BODY.

But yeah, I am SO tired of health professionals infantalisation of teens/under 21 people. Im so tired of doctors thinking that i can't know my own body bc I didn't go to medicine school because I'm not 40 something. Lowkey, at this point, does it matter what my symptoms are bc they've already decided them for me

#mental illness #chronic illness #long post #periods #medical issues #medical incompetence #teens #teen stuff #medicine #doctors #medical field #infantilism #WHY DO THEY THINK I DONT KNOW MYSELF #I HAVE BEEN ON THIS EARTH FOR ENOUGH BLOODY YRS THAT IK SHIT ABOUT MYSELF #anyway #physical illness #mental health #people suck #sometimes #appendicitis #listening issues #not listening #not fucking okay #i am so sick of this #so fucking tired #just listen to me #please #its not that hard #its also like #your job

[waolom]

thank you sm liv i love you 😭 (if this takes a while to get to you it’s bc i was trying to word it in the least confusing way LOL) ok so basically! i start college next year and this friday, our dorm request/application form opens up and we need to fill it out asap. the issue is im basically in a crippling trio friendship rn 😭😭😭 with me, by best friend, and the third friend. theres only two people to a room and me and my best friend really want to room together (not just because we're closer but we both think that our personalities would work better sharing a room if that makes sense). it wouldnt be a big deal to tell our third friend that we want to room together but me and my best friend found out from someone else that our third friend feels like we're distancing ourselves from her and that she feels left out (i just wanna clarify that this isnt anything on purpose, we just never see each other at school anymore because of different schedules and stuff). sooo the problem is that our third friend feels left out and me and my best friend dont know how to bring up that we want to room together without hurting our third friends feelings 😭 so basically i just wanted to ask you how we should bring up the dorm situation without being mean?? ive talked to a few different people about it and they've all said something like "just be honest with her" but me and my best friend feel like horrible people tbh 😭😭 ANYWAYS thats all. if anything doesnt make sense i will 100% clarify for you dw and thank you anyways for even taking the time to read this and respond. like seriously i love u!!!

fjdkals anon ily too, thanks for trusting me and respecting my opinion enough to ask me for advice! i hope i can be somewhat helpful but you have to do whats best for you. <3 im gonna put a cut so my response can be long but it isnt taking over everyones dash lol

first of all, congrats on starting college!!! i have to be honest, this is a time where lots of friends do grow apart or friend groups go their own ways because life just kind of naturally flows that way. you may not know youre distancing yourself but again - life will naturally push and pull you from people and sometimes it will be forever friendships and other times people will fade out of your life a bit. i have plenty of people that used to be my closest friends that now i barely speak to because life has just taken us in different directions but there are no hard feelings and still so much love there. i think you just have to be honest with your third friend though and just say that you feel like its best for both of you to room together as the reasons you told me in your ask above. :o

i hope that makes sense? im kind of answering as i read here..

i know that hearing 'just be honest' is not really what helps right now... i agree that it would be helpful but that isnt going to take away your anxiety around the situation.

i think you don't have to be brutally honest but you do need to sit down with your best friend/roommate and talk about your approach beforehand and set some boundaries if things escalate. you can nicely explain this and anyone who respects you and your choices will not cause a scene over you doing whats best. i have plenty of friends that have lived in and out of being roommates but its all mutual that we can live where, whenever and respect that we're all still a group of best friends. ya know?

did this help? do you want anything more specific?