#just bc you dont know how to deal w me when I'm anxious and you literally ignore my crying and force me to talk to ppl doesn't mean I cant

[briarpatch-kids]

Hi, you seem rly cool and rly knowledgeable (/gen) and I guess I was wondering like, when would be the best time to get a rollator? I deal with a lot of pain when walking and standing, I can't even rly be on my feet for half an hour, and I get exhausted and feel the need to sit down often, I can't stand in place at my job even if it's a short shift bc it hurts and drains me so much, but some days I'm okay and can walk fine (or better anyways) and do a lot, etc. etc.

I haven't been diagnosed w/ anything (to be fair I haven't gotten to see a doctor bc I'm extremely broke and have absolutely no idea how to navigate the medical system on my own) but Im pretty much always in pain and exhausted. Im rly tired of my feet going numb and burning or whatever when I try to stand, my muscles hurting and straining almost every time I walk, and of being so drained every time I go out. I rly wanna be able to go out more easily. I have a cane I try to use but it honestly doesn't do as much as I'd like and usually hurts my wrist :( would a rollator even be a good idea or would something else be better? I'm just really anxious Abt all of this, it's so hard to find advice and answers for any of the questions I have :'' I'm rly sorry I'm dumping this on you and I'm sorry if you're not sure how to answer or respond. Also pls dont worry Abt answering if you don't have the energy :) thank you

Honestly those all sound like good reasons to get a rollator, I really like the Drive Nitro or other "euro style" rollators. They're a lot more portable and can go over more surfaces than the other style.

If you want to get medical coverage and care for this and you're in the US, call a medical clinic nearby that does primary care and ask for a primary care doctor and an appointment. Of you're uninsured you can sometimes find sliding scale clinics that will cost much less, the one here is called Terry Reilly.

Once you're there, talk to them about what's been happening and what makes it better and worse so they can run some basic tests and hopefully prescribe you a rollator so you can get around while you wait for things to get figured out. Make sure it's for a wheeled walker with a seat. They might want to send you to physical therapy, I'd let them but make sure the physical therapists know when things are making you feel worse, especially if the "feel worse" is lingering and not just while you do the PT. You can ask them how to use the rollator the best way and have them adjust it to fit you.

From there, I usually get a prescription written and take it down to a medical supplier. My local one is called Norco and also sells welding supplies because it uses oxygen tanks the same way some disabled people do. They'll show you what insurance will usually cover and what you can pay extra for. There's usually 10 or so different models with like, heavy duty or low height features and 3 wheeled walkers, a Euro style one, walker/transport chair combos... etc. You can try out the floor models and see which one suits you best before you pick them out too. Generally they have untouched models of the walkers in the back and you can take it home the same day which is nice.

#dont worry you're not dumping on me #its hard to find this info and I've had a rollator in the past

[smileymoth]

.

No i hate actually how much my dad has shaped me into a person and how i interact with things. I hate that i'm just like him sometimes and i express my feelings in the exact same dysfunctional way sometimes. That i lash out in anger sometimes. That i hate when people do things the "wrong" way. I hate that i had to fear him every weekend when he came home because what if the rooms werent clean enough and he would yell or be mad. I hate that i had to walk around eggshells around him when he was in a bad mood so he wouldnt yell at me, and i hate it more that it still fucks me up to the point that i run away when someone is upset bc im afraid of them. I hate that i would have such horrid anxiety abt him coming home on the weekends or staying at home for longer that i wished he hadn't come in the first place. I hated so much how he would twist my moms words, and read through all her messages and browse through all her history and shit on her and me for how long we both spent on the computer so i learned to delete history to get away with more computer time. I hate how one time he slapped me so hard on the thigh that it left a bruise but he denied it later so i have no fucking clue if it actually happened because hes never been physical w me and my mom but i remember it so vividly. It was 1 time and never again and in 3rd(?) Grade and i still remember it every now and then. I dont like it that i hated being at home because 80% of the time they were fucking arguing with my mom in the kitchen over something HE made up because HE was jealous of my mom or didnt like sth that my mom did bc HE didnt like it. He caused her so much grief and she had to put up with it and i followed suit because i wanted him to like me so i was nasty to my mom to please him. I had to listen to him rant abt mom and just nod along because i didnt know what to say. And then he started getting better and he wasnt so argumentative anymore so me and my mom were like omg hes changing. And then he fucking died. And i had to watch him die at the hospital while repeating to myself he will be fine becwuse hes a big strong man who has never been sick so he MUST survive, all while doing homework for logo class. And i woke up on tje morning of the 28th dec at 5am with the thought that my dad is probably dead. I brushed it off like haha im just anxious and went to sleep again. He died at 4am. I knew, i felt it.

And now i miss him so often because he was just misguided and didnt know how to deal with his emotions properly. But he still hurt me so bad and my mom even more from what shes told me. And i dont hate him at all even though i would be so scared of him id be nauseous and id cry before he came home bc i was so scared he woild be mad at me. i love him so much but i see him in my dreams so often and hes always so mean and rude in them and it sucks because i miss his hugs and i want him to hug me again and make jokes with me till im crying and i want to wake up on a saturday and go to tje kitchen to see him watching a russian youtube video about construction or "тор 10 момент" compilations while he eats his megapacked mayo grill sandwich and then he turns the water to boil so i could have tea. I want my dad to calm me down again because he was the only person who could do it at times. I want to be like hey dad im struggling with schoolwork can i just sit next to you and brainstorm out loud until i come up with something and yiu can help me think. Hey dad look im knitting a sock hahah yeah i know im crazy for that haha yeah. I miss him but i dont miss tjat he was so awful all tje time. Why couldnt he just be normal why did he have to be a controlling little freak who wanted everyone to do just as he wanted it to happen. And now wjenever sth happens i always find a way to connect it to my dad without wanting to. I hate it. I dont want to think of him as much because all my thoughts about him are so confusing and complex because of the person he was and it makes me feel worse and more confused and yet also nothing. Im happy my dad is dead because my mom is in a much happier relationship right now and i no longer fear coming home because What If hes in a Bad Mood and therfor walking too loud will make him yell. And then he will claim he didnt. While he clearly did

#moth post #dad thoughts #i need 2 sleep

[ghosttotheparty]

.

#told my dad how great wearing noise cancelling headphones was in the grocery store #idk what i was expecting #maybe a 'thats great' or st else that nice #not a 'great does that mean you can go inside now' (paraphrased) in a v passive aggressive voice #listen man #just bc you dont know how to deal w me when I'm anxious and you literally ignore my crying and force me to talk to ppl doesn't mean I cant #do it #i go w my mom all the time and its fine I just get exhausted and spacey #i ignored it and said i might wear them to prom (the 22nd) and he like made a face and looked at me and said like 'babe that's...' #and just kinda looked at me like that was ridiculous #or like im being dramatic #so ofc i felt like i was being ridiculous and I cried #now i feel like ill look stupid w them #anyway im gonna go do things for other ppl so i dont feel completely worthless

[plush-rabbit]

What headcanons you have in request box actually? I'm really curious lol. Have nice day btw, I love your work!!!!!

Okay, so usually I put some in a doc and then like figure it out from there so if you've sent one in and haven't seen it, don't worry, it'll be done and added once I make a dent lmao. These are also a mix of hc and fics. Some I'm like part way through so ye

There also might be some that I might not do because its vague, like I'm given just the prompt and I don't know what to do with it or there's just no ideas that come to mind so I really am sorry.

Upcoming ones:

Met with Dia and he said “how else will you please me?” And I think it awoke something in me?? Can I request Diavolo with a bashful innocent MC and him just laying back and letting her have his way with him? But of course he’s a total dom so he’s gonna take control but just has a little fun letting her take the reins to start with? Hi. I just found your stuff and you write so well for Obey Me. Could I request a fic with Barbatos and a female MC? Maybe she's staying at the palace for whatever reason and when he goes to his room he hears her moaning his name so he checks on her but she's sleeping. The next day he hints that she must've had a good dream much to her dismay. That night he goes to her room and she's awake and they end up sleeping together. With some praise and maybe even some tail action. Thank you! Can I please get a uuuhhh possessive/borderline yandere Leon please :3c maybe it’s after a big match for her and everyone’s fawning over her and he steals her away and reminds her that she’s his? 💕✨ I saw those headcanons where Jin and Shigaraki became parental or sibling figures to the reader sooooooo how about headcanons of a fem!reader being a mother figure to the league? Just an ordinary citizen in her late twenties until she met the LOV unexpectedly, during the time where the league had to hide and the reader's place is conveniently open (then again I'm sure they'd bust in if it wasn't) and she didn't rat them out. This happened quite a lot of times to the point where the reader is used to it by now and just lets them in, even if they weren't hiding from anyone and just wants to stay for the night. When she got closer to the league, she starts to show care and love for them in a way a mother would the reader isn't a member of the league, but they already consider her as family :'D I just really want them to get care and love since they've been through so much Last week I literally sat down and read your writing for like an hour and a half LOL It’s just really good and I love your characterization! I was wondering if I could request Twice and Shigaraki with an s/o who tries to be cute and surprise them by wearing their clothes when they return from a mission but maybe the clothes are a bit too snug cuz they’re a little pudgy :( could also be nsfw if you’re ok with that!! Thank you so much 💜💜 I like the Lucky!Cat!reader hc. Could you do some for the LOV, with a Male Cat s/o? Thank you! You're the best!! I've been obsessing about flowers and their meanings or what they symbolize soooooo. How would the LOV react to their s/o giving them a certain flower and then finding out what the flower means/symbolizes? Hope this passes! It's a request for OM. Can I have headcanons of the brothers + Diavolo (if you don't mind) of their s/o dancing "Paradise Lost" by GAIN? Provided you a link to the video for reference 😁: https://youtu.be/4i32ANEa5mk Headcanons where the LOV has an s/o whose like a literal ball of sunshine. Always happy and bubbly, smiling and laughing, they just seem to epitome of joy. Until one day, they just break down, being so emotionally drained from different factors that they can keep up the act of being happy anymore Last week I literally sat down and read your writing for like an hour and a half LOL It’s just really good and I love your characterization! I was wondering if I could request Twice and Shigaraki with an s/o who tries to be cute and surprise them by wearing their clothes when they return from a mission but maybe the clothes are a bit too snug cuz they’re a little pudgy :( could also be nsfw if you’re ok with that!! Thank you so much 💜💜 hey!! hru? i have a question do you think shigaraki would like a threesome? what if his s/o didn’t want one bc she’s like possessive of him (in a non toxic way) hey plush, can you do a reader x Shiggy and Dabi whos crying to them/grabbing their shirts and burring themselves into shiggy and dabi/ about their verbally abusive ex, how theyre so different from them, so much nicer and softer, how they(the reader) never thought they could be loved or deserved kindness? its been one of those days, i just need some comfort. thank you♡ heyy!! ^^ can i request some headcanons for hawks reacting to his female s/o belly dancing for him? :3 Heyo this is beetle juice anon idk if u remember me I’m the person who said shiggy sounds like beetle juice, I swear I couldn’t get that thought out of my head so can I request shiggy and reader getting hit by a quirk that forces them to do a musically ( idk I just want shiggy to sing honestly lmaoooo) idk maybe both of them being shocked that both of them can sing hey, i absolutely adore your writing! i love going through all your work, they’re my comfort fics! 💞 i was wondering if you would mind writing something for tomura with an s/o who is insecure about her body and how skinny she is? she feels too flat, like she doesn’t have enough curves or that she’s grown into her body enough and it makes her feel less of a woman, that tomura could do better. and it makes her anxious when it comes to initimacy and being exposed to him because in her eyes he’s so perfectly handsome and she just feels inadequate... it’s something i’ve had to deal with pretty much my entire life, getting called names like stick insect and coat hanger, but lately it’s been eating away at me more and more. you can totally ignore this if you feel uncomfortable writing about this stuff, though! 💕 So, like. Hear me out. What if, with Bakugou and Dabi (separate) : MC is super innocent and cute, blushes at the slightest flirt, and “doesn’t get” dirty jokes, but as soon as they’re alone with their s/o? They are the kinkiest most vulgar bottom they’ve ever seen. Nipples pierced, collar under the turtleneck, chain strung between the piercings and the collar, all out kinda slut. The duality of man. (Gender neutral) Hello so may i request shigaraki with a s.o whos warm loving and protective and very innocent basically a s.o whos like mitsuri kanroji both personality and look wise Female pronouns,maybe they are out on a date getting ice cream and the s.o is so happy shiggy came, they hold hands and people start giving him odd looks only for her to stand up to the bullies who are saying things about shigaraki, it ends with her kissing him infront of everyone to prove a point,and when the get home she tells him she doesnt care what people think and makes love to him topping hin while telling him all the reasons she fell inlove with him,(omg im so sorrry its so long if you have tpo many requests or dont like the idea please tell me) hey, i absolutely adore your writing! i love going through all your work, they’re my comfort fics! 💞 i was wondering if you would mind writing something for tomura with an s/o who is insecure about her body and how skinny she is? she feels too flat, like she doesn’t have enough curves or that she’s grown into her body enough and it makes her feel less of a woman, that tomura could do better. and it makes her anxious when it comes to initimacy and being exposed to him because in her eyes he’s so perfectly handsome and she just feels inadequate... it’s something i’ve had to deal with pretty much my entire life, getting called names like stick insect and coat hanger, but lately it’s been eating away at me more and more. you can totally ignore this if you feel uncomfortable writing about this stuff, though! 💕 could we get a fem reader cock warming Dabi throughout the night and get morning sex >//< // ik youre a busy bee so dont feel obligated to rush or anything, take ur time plushie!♡ can we please get a shiggy x reader and the reader asks him to teach her how to game and she ends up being better than him and whatnot (inspired by that “a simple wager”) fic (if you ever decide to make a sequel to that i will ve DECEASED Can I request a sub shigaraki with a mommy kink getting pegged by the reader ( I just want to make him beg and cry honestly) reader is a female Omh give us noncon/somno w scary eraserhead plsss / aizawa and aphrodisiac smut pwease ( ；∀；) Overhaul and Chrono punishing quirkless reader for being an undercover reporter/agent but like orgasm denial... (Idk if you write this stuff but anyways do it if you want have a nice night) Can I request something like “Peaches and Cream” but with Piers instead? I know you’re busy with other requests, so don’t worry if you don’t have time for this one! I love love your writing!!! Hello beautiful can I just say how amazing ur writing is loll, can I request shigaraki having a crush on the reader and she knows about it, like one day shiggy just goes to her room when there on a mission and just steals her stuff and humps her pillows, but she has cameras in her room so she saw everything, long story short she shows him the videos and humiliates him (shiggy of course a mess and is close to crying from how embarrassing that is, lowkey turned on ) the reader takes care of him ( sorry I’m really bad at endings 🙏🏻😅) the reader pegs him until he’s a crying mess. By the way the reader is a female and shigaraki is a sub has a mommy kink and the reader is dom of that’s ok of course I love your writing!! May I ask for Diavolo x F!Reader with borderline disorder? 👉👈.. Lately it has been very difficult for me to deal with this alone and Diavolo is mine comfort character.. (NSFW Talk, If your a minor..then why are you even reading this?? Get off this 18+ page?? Anyways-). I am a huge sucker for overstimulation, biting and crying, (many of my past partners have called me a sadist-) and I just 𝑎𝑑𝑜𝑟𝑒 the idea of Tamaki’s cute face streaming with tears and drool as Male Reader vigorously overstims the fuck out of him. And he would look so 𝑙𝑜𝑣𝑒𝑙𝑦 with his mouth gaping open in a silent scream of overwhelming pleasure because M!Reader gave his sensitive dick a handjob while he roughly railed Tamaki’s pretty little ass. (While abusing the fuck out of his G Spot, of course). I can just imagine him squirming and begging for mercy while M!Reader lovingly wrecks his body, taking him hard & fast in multiple different positions with each one making Tamaki wail with pleasure. He’s just so adorable, I just wanna see him get 𝑐𝑜𝑛𝑝𝑙𝑒𝑡𝑒𝑙𝑦 𝑚𝑒𝑠𝑠𝑒𝑑 𝑢𝑝~ Lusty ❤︎ -Anon. Bonus Points if you could have M!Reader be super fuckin tall, muscular, strong and also be absolutely PACKING. (This man has a godly dick, and it’s honestly a surprise Tamaki can take it so well without literally breaking in half) ahhhh hewwo could you maybe write something with dbd ghostface going full apotheosis for his crush? as in,, he starts to elevate her to a status of divinity and even when she's just cowering in fear in front of him or conversely stabbing him and causing him lots of pain he just keeps viewing her as some sort of deity and  can't stop obsessing over her and wanting more from her

Again. I deeply apologize for not doing some. I wish I could, but (and this is not to guilt trip any of yall or anything, I understand that it'll sound like that it but it ain't it) sometimes the work I put into something and the feedback I get is sometimes not it. Like I'll work hard and get nothing and listen, I get it, its fanfic, there's a bit more stigma to it rather than art but yeah. Its a ramble, and basically, I don't wanna put work into something that I'll only get a few likes on. So yeah. Agains this isn't guilt tripping, I get it. I'm a consumer of it and I get the gist of it but yeah. More thoughts later, when I can properly sit and write as I am currently in a home depot 

[eitelle]

Ahh hi i hope im not too late to the event :) i would like a haikyuu matchup, any gender is fine!

Uhh, i still don't know if im intp or infp but i'm a capricorn sun, sagittarius moon and taurus rising. my pronouns are they/she

i'm 5'1, i have brown shoulder-length hair that is half bleached, and pale skin with freckles!

My favorite color is black, and my favorite food are strawberries with chocolate.

I'm an introvert, i tend to get really anxious in public spaces so i avoid going out alone lmao. When meeting new people i'm nervous at first and i don't talk much, but with friends i trust i get more confident and talk a lot more.

I think i would need someone who can listen to me, since i could talk a lot about my interests 😭

i'm always drawing, so if there is someone i like i would express my love by drawing them since i'm not good with words ✌

And i think that's it. If i am actually late just ignore this ask bc that would be embarrassing 😕🤞 have a nice day !

HI LOVE!! tbh u werent late if anything im the late one since im so late to this ask bye- its like 2 months later n i still have this im gonna kms /j

U SOUND SO PRETTY. N I LOVE UR PLACEMENTS. N I WANNA GIVE U A KITH. OOH N I LITERALLY RELATE TO U SM BYEEEE

ok so anyways ive matched you up w: miya osamu!!

ok so some hcs

he always thinks hes the forgotten twin n he lowk has trust issues from people saying “no ur my fav twin!! atsumu” so he doesnt even rly like words!!

he also expresses his emotions n love through his food so ur art will never go underappreciated with him

he also loves physical touch tho n deals w his brother and suna a lot so he knows ab introverts AND extroverts so he knows hoe to get u out of uncomfy situations ;DD

he often had to hear atsumu ramble so hes a vv good listener but he knows when to push u a lil bv he can read people vv well, yet another reason why words arent needed!!

sometimes people forget ur dating bc yall both lowk dont like pda but yall r in love so who tf cares?

he loves yalls height difference

he gets to ramble to u while u draw so u can focus on him n not any intrusive thoughts since sometimes that can cause ur hand to shake n thats the worse

he likes laying his head in ur lap

he can always read u so hes like a rock for u n hes p big n beefy so hes just like always there n thats amazing

he def like has ur art in his restaurant pls. (w consent ofc bc consent is seggsy)

idk why but i feel like yall have a shit ton of those reversible octopus plushies?? idk SJJSS

COOKING N ART DATES OH LORD😫‼️

yall r literally such a hot couple

also me n my husband by mitski (but like when u dont psychoanalyze the lyrics n take it as some cute thing) is yalls theme song i dont make the rules 🤚

u guys have promise rings WHSGSH

OK NOW ONE SHOT DRABBLE THING SJSHD

also why were the gifs all atsumu not osamu 🤨⁉️ i typed in miya osamu or sum shit like that. wow this is osamuphobic tbh 😐☝️(ps: manga timeskip spoilers ahead)

“osamu where are you taking me? dont run me into a pole babe HAHSHSHS” you giggle as your crazy boyfriend osamu miya drags a blindfolded you across the city where a rose petal and candle decorated restaurant (his restaurant) awaits with your fav food.

“ok ok i wont i swear. ok now here we are, open your eyes baby,” your boyfriend encourages.

as you open your eyes you see your favorite food in a romantic setting, completely unrecognizable as osamus restaurant and you over your mouth with your hand. “oh my god, ‘samu this is so much. what even is today? its not a anniversary right?” you question wondering how you scored such a thoughtful boyfriend.

“no its not y/n, i just thought youd like this gesture more as we havent spent as much time together :)”

“well consider this gesture appreciated i love it and i love you samu.” you say knowing how ooc it is but he deserves to hear it after all this.

“damn baby today was supposed to make you cry not me!! you ruined it >:(“ he jokes with you, teasing how flustered you got after proclaiming your love (not the first time tho might i add)

“well im sorry mr. better twin,” you tease right back.

the rest of the night is filled with laughs, smiles, love, and happiness for you and your lover.

NO BC THAT ONE WAS CUTE. ANYWAYS ARTBREEDER N THEN TEXTS!!

no artbreeder 😠 but i found this!! so... YEAH SJSHSJ

TUMBLR IS BEING N ASS AND ISNT LETTING ME PIST THIS BUT HERE U GO I HOPE U ENJOY!! (also the fish thing is osamu dropping a piece of fish on his lap picking it back up blowing on it n trying to feed it to u. thats so nasty)

#UGH OK ONE MORE N THEN IM DONE!! #michelles 60 follower matchup event

[tipsyexplorer]

12.22.21

hmmm well that didn't feel great

like a sinking feeling in my chest, knotted up immediately

or just instant tightness, maybe thats anxiety or just built up tension fro previous encounters/interactions

like why are you here then. I know why I'm keeping you around because if not then you'll have nothing? is that dramatic, you'll def need to move out and prob move back home and thats not where youd like to be, maybe you could stay with your friends for a little, they'll tend to your wounds and talk bad about me - which I guess it's what you do. What bothers me really is that they wouldn't get the truth

the unfairness of not getting the truth of the story to paint me in a bad light, but I suppose in the long run does it matter what they think?

will you tell them how patient I've been or all the things I've done for you, how I literally just pay for everyone, cook every meal while I watch you buy gadgets and gizmos. and you know, in the beginning I was okay with it because I liked spending time with you, I felt like I could talk to you about things

and now we dont even have that. its hard talking to you. its unrewarding, i feel like everytime we talk were just on a verge of a fight. i get scared and anxious about it and I dont want to do it it anymore. I send you things and you dont respond, so I wont send you things. when I text you its only logistical stuff and even then it takes you a long time to respond, like I know youre up?? unless you're napping or sleeping again then I guess you can't but like...get up and do things?

i'm just not happy and Ive written something like this letter over and over again , but never got the courage to share it with you. and honestly I will probably just delete this afterwards because onec I talk about it I think I'll be okay for a little while until the next interaction. isnt there a line about how its dumb doing the same thing expecting new results or something.

Ive given up on including you in things, I'll ask and 9/10 you say no. I dont like working with you, making things with you, or talking to you. its just too stressful, and maybe its just our history we haven't worked out or made some sort of ammends with but literally each time I try I just get flashbasck of emotions of how bad it was, doesnt make me want to

I mean this time this was just triggered by me saying "I had a weird dream" which I usually never say and you just said "uh huh" and walked out of the room...like cool I guess I wont bring that up again

there are so many more people out there that provide me with a more fulfilling relationship and it just stinks that the one Im supposed to have the deepest one makes me feel the worst

you know what I imagine? I imagine what its like to not have someone to hold me back, to not have to take care of another person and just focus on me and do what I want to do without the fear of judgement. Its not like i dont want to share the side of content creating with another person, and yeah I guess if it's too much then I should tlak to others who have the same goals and dreams as I do. I do see it working for other couples but they probably talk

and maybe you feel the same way, were just not emotionally compatible and neither of us wants to admit it. I dont want to deal w/ a flal out and you probably dont want to leave. and thats what makes me sad bc of what I provide you cant leave eveyrthing is just bearable enough or that the literal shelter and food I provide will have you endure whatever youre missing on the other parts

so im the one who has to call it, do I just call it? seems like it would be a good practice to see if i could work it out, see if I could formulate these thoughts by talking things out and list exactly what i want

I want you to find a stable job/income

I am tired of footing the financialbill, when it wasn't discussed. I feel like a fool to have this happen when I didn't agree to it

I want you to help out with food more, maybe even make some of them

I want you to plan an event or outing for us to go to heck maybe even once every 3 months, as of right now its been nothing. for the past 4?5? years

I want us to be able to even talk, I dont know how it got this bad where I just feel like I cant share anything with you or I dont want to

youre not the easiest person to talk to

to work things out with, I just go with things to keep the peace and thats just my inclination. I dont want to deal with these hard emotions and I know I will be fine at the end I always am

it shouldnt feel like I'm trapped or I'm must stuck with someone, it just feels like I cant reach my hightest potential with you here. I know I can do so much more

[audiovisualrecall]

So i discovered im scheduled to work all closing shifts for the days im working for the 9th thru the 20th and freaked out. Im so stupid I was worried if i didnt say i was available to close every day that they would scold me or fire me idek so I put that down on my availability and now I regret it bc it just does not work for me outside of specific days!!! I can only do it occasionally outside of specific days tbh! Fucking fuck fuck fuck, i just, I cannot get up at 8am to leave at 11am to get to work at 1pm multiple days a week including in a row, the ones where it's like 4-close i could do repeatedly, maybe, but it just doesnt worm and I'll end up having to take the bus home after 10pm in the winter and end up frozen, or I'll end up burned out because I cant go to sleep before midnight and I cant do it, and I want at least Fridays to be just midshift okay, I cant miss friday night dinners with my 90 something year old grandfather. Some I talked w steph and wrote out my preferred availability and then I drafted and sent an email to my department manager about updating my availability and I feel so stupid and bad and guilty and anxious because well I dont know, maybe im just being a stupid wimp, other people manage days like that, worse even, I can adjust and deal with it, but I shouldnt have to, okay! It feels wrong!!!!!! It feels like im just that annoying child who doesnt know how things work with jobs, and I'm already awkward and quiet and weird, and it's all tied together because I'm autistic and I will work till I drop and forget to ask for a break and I work best with a midday shift!!! I dont have a car I have to take the bus and I wont be able to afford risking getting a car and car insurance even if I knew how to drive and had a fricken license. It's not MY fault long island busses are unreliable as fuck and that I dont want to die because I stood outside in the middle of the winter waiting for a bus. I dont want to have to ask my parents to drive out and pick me up. And just. ARGH!!!!! They all are like we dont discriminate based on disability :))))) and then you go and have symptoms of ur disability that mean u cant work the same amt of time as someone without said disability. Or your disability affects your behavior/make you awkward socially or need explicit instructions, and you can tell they dont like you even if they dont KNOW its ur disability that they feel uncomfortable about, but you know that when they have a chance to politely let you go they WILL.

[sometimesrosy]

Hey Rosy! I know you said you'd be collecting some of the Tiffany spoilers and like you, I don't want to be spoiled but I don't mind being spoiled if I like the spoilers lol. Is there anyway we can access what you've collected? Also, a nonny noted that Tiffany squashed Becho/Braven rumors, what did she say do you know? ps- im so ready for Wed. not only bc I'm dying to see canon Bellarke, but also bc I'm so done w/all this anxiety. sometimes i cant believe im this anxious over a tv couple

Honestly I’ve been getting a few here and there and I never know where to put them so let me do another under the cut thing. I don’t have the receipts so if someone says she said something, I’m not going to be able to tell you what she said. I closed twitter and I’m not looking at it again until after the show.

Anonymous said:Man oh man… Tiffany (SORTA? SPOILER) just reblogged some photos where a fan wrote what she thinks about the bellarke separation… it basically says that bellarke will be confirmed in some way and they will probably be seperated… rosy omgggg

tiffany likes speculation that bellarke will be confirmed and then separated. that’s what I’ve been thinking the whole time. they’ve just been dragging out the confirmation for the whole season. which, ahem, is making me disgruntled.

Anonymous said:*****potential S5 spoiler***** Tiffany just said this “Question fans should be asking is: what about ALIE? She is going to play a big part in S5. Life on Ark will not be peaceful with her around.” OKGGMGMFKOAOAUABEKDP

Okay. Well ALIE in space. I have totally been saying that I thought ALIE was still on the Ark, where she went to hide from Raven and Murphy trying to destroy her from two different directions. I’ve wanted to see more from ALIE and Becca, and I think they are both out there and I think that’s still to come into play, although it seems to me now that it’s a loose thread for season 5.

Do NOT know how that’s going to affect them up there, but it was clear from the start that it would be risky, dangerous and uncomfortable. total subsistence level existence. they’re lucky they have Raven AND Monty, they’re going to need them. 

Anonymous said:You can totally post this ask under a cut since it deals with spoilers for the finale, but how did Tiffany dispel Becho rumors? I’ve steered clear of as many rumors as I could but Becho is my one worry. Did she give anything concrete? Because I know she’s said Bellarke positive things in the past but a lot of it has come from her own feelings and not what actually happens in the show.

Again, I have no receipts, but i did see someone blogged her tweet telling people to wait for the end of the episode and that would put the nail in the coffin of Becho. On a related note, I saw her say that Braven baby speculation was just getting ridiculous and out there. And that Praimfaya was a very bellarke centered episode. Or some such. Dont’ take me as an authority. I’m not reblogging those because I said I would do that stuff under the cut. 

Anonymous said:Dear Rosy, Alert! More spoilers are leaking with more information for the finale than had been released over the last few days. All I can say is Bellarke has never been more endgame than this. It’s the 100 - with all the craziness that entails - but Bellarke is a Jane & Rochester /The Notebook/North & South/Tristan & Isolde/Odysseus & Penelope kind of love. Star-crossed and fated and meant to be like Romeo & Juliet (without the daggers and poison). We’re going to be so, so, so happy with S5.

This one isn’t technically tiffany, but I think it’s in relation to all the screeners, so I’m going to put it here.

Anonymous said:they ask if theres more than a hug and she says 🤐when the last time they asked her about a kiss she said no there is no kiss or confession so it is clear we getting canon also she said theres much information lobbed about bellarke away for 5 years or separated and that our jaws are gonna drop with the twist also our bellarkes who have seen the spoilers of act 6 are not worried at all, i think the hug scene is where we are getting canon, bcs that werent leaked before and isnt it now

speculation based on vaguely positive or not negative or no comment kinds of comments.

Anonymous said:Mainly peoples problem with Tiffany is that she usually gets bellarkers hopes up, only for us to usually be let down. She’ll say she loves bellarke so much in an episode and then we get 2 seconds of them standing next to each other… so thats basically it as far as I know

True. She’s pro Bellarke, but her idea of pro bellarke isn’t the same as the shippers’ pro bellarke. I think that might be where we get some of the disappointment. But Selina kind of reinforces Tiffany’s optimism this time. So that’s hopeful. 

I think Tiffany just wants to calm all the people’s doom and gloom anxiety predictions, so i get it. She’s positive because Bellarke has never been killed. Even in those moments which are not bellarke or are obstacles, she sees forward movement… which I actually agree with. 

But like I said, that’s not the kind of bellarke development the shippers want to see. They want canon, no detours, no obstacles. So there’s a disconnect with what Tiffany and the audience each will be satisfied with. This is the struggle of being a non-shipper who is in love with a ship because it’s just that great. I feel the conflict, myself. No matter what happens in praimfaya, I have no doubt that Bellarke is endgame. But that doesn’t mean we aren’t getting screwed in the mean time. And they are screwing with us.

#the 100 #praimfaya #screeners #tiffany #selina #spoilers

[lemongogo]

ok not to be cliche but i can 100% relate to your family post, not that I'm saying i understand how you feel or anything because we all have different things happening but i have the same situation where i pretty much am the disappointment but fuck it i have so many things to push me thru and i just really wanna let u know that you have the whole voltron com. or any other community or your friends to support you!! plz don't let your family put you down, i won't let my folks put me down anymore!!

sorry to hear that you also have these feelings too. if i could take them away i would. being constantly reminded of what you dont do, cant do, and wont do in relation to your siblings and quite literally everybody else around you is so mentally degrading on a daily basis that im actually surprised ive made it this long with them. i was honestly feeling really good this week, like i didnt have one break down nor did i get too overtly anxious about anything- i had the energy and the motivation to do what was required of me @ w my job and its such a difference now that they’re back. i automatically feel so drained already bc it feels like they just suck the life out of me. they make me want to just lay down and not exist anymore because quite literally nothing is good enough for them. when theyre not always dragging me through the dirt about this or that, its like they dont even care abt me and im sorry to just spew all of my personal issues out there but like ? they are obviously more involved in my brother and sister than they are with me and that does absolutely nothing to help me want to even go out and do stuff with my life though. i dont get praised for good grades, good scores, work outside of home, etc. instead everything is always a critique because im not where they want me to be i guess. like?? its so unbelievable jsut how little i care about my family and that honestly scares me a lot. people talk about the relationships they have with their parents and it just makes me realize how messed up mine is? i dont hug my parents, i dont tell them anything personal, i dont tell them that i love them nor do they do it either, i dont talk to them about what im interested in, i fight with them daily, etc.

its just so hard to go through this every. single day and i think this is the first time ive realized just how bad it is? like how much i want to fucking die when they’re near me jc

but thank you for taking the time to send this to me alongside your support. as bad as it sounds, it helps to know that there are people who are also in this position who know just how exhausting it is to deal w/ this all. of course i wouldnt wish this on anybody nor would i be glad that theyre dealing with this either, but idk its nice to know im not alone. its kinda moments like these that help me realize that it wont be like this forever- once i move out to college i can focus on myself 100% without so much as needing to see or hear them every day. its silly but its the tiny part of me that wants to be petty and accomplish more that my family has in their lives that keep be going :/ thank you so much for letting me know that you guys are here for me though, like that honestly means more than you could imagine. also, thank you for keeping yourself in mind throughout all youve been through as well; im glad youve found things to help you go along and i hope the rest of your day goes well

#long post #negative #personal #Anonymous #ask #asktag

[v-ent]

💛 hi! so, recently i opened up to my mom about how men scare me, not in depth or why (no one really knows about my trauma, no one will till I turn 18 bc i'm too scared of punishment ) but i just told her that they make me uncomfortable and she seemed super understanding. bc of my trauma i HATE men being in my house. My dad isn't here, my brother I can deal with, but when his friends come over, or the men my mom is dating come over, i get so anxious i can't even leave my room to eat or pee (1/?)

💛 normally this would be somewhat okay, because I could just hide. They never stay longer than a night and then I'm okay again. But recently, my mom has been pushing me to see the guys she's seeing. Tonight she's invited him for dinner with us and I'm so scared. Whenever she gets picked up to go to dinner with them she always says ''why don't you come and say hello?'' and then gets disappointed if I don't. I know rationally I'm safe and w/e but I can't help it. I don't know what to do. ;w; 1/2

its so messed up you cant talk about trauma or be punished. im sorry thats a thing. im glad she was understanding though

it sounds like maybe shes not quite so understanding. maybe talk to her about this. like. tell her “i understand you are trying to help me get over this fear but i do not feel safe or comfortable with this and do not want to work through it with anything less than a medical professional”

dont worry about how rational or irrational it is. reactions to trauma dont have to be rational and honestly rarely are. you can do whatever you need to to feel safe. i hope things work out ok

- sleepy

#anonymous