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#just deleted some shit off my phone that UH jogged the old memory
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i remember looking out of the window of the bus i was on to get to poland and trying to find anything in the landscape that would still be beautiful after the inevitable. i was looking at the trees, deer searching the fields for something edible, it was summer, there were barely any clouds, i tried to get some joy out of the bright blue sky but i didn’t have it in me, i remember thinking all this is is cold. the world felt like a flat photograph i was staring at. i felt like it had spat me out and i was pressing my hands against the windows with no way to get back inside
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