#just didn't think I could actually do it idk | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

wrr000 · 3 days

Text

"like a shadow"

Summary: The ghoul you hired for protection liked you more than both of you would expect.

Warnings: english isn't my first language; really short; it's from my Cooper x oc fic, but idk if I should post chapters here; pure soft; inner thoughts; reader is similiar to Lucy

»»————-　♡　————-««

You finally made it to town. Walking thru the wasteland felt like an endless journey while burning sun was always watching every step of foolish humans, who dared to cross these lands. And it wasn't the only threat waiting for your mistep. You earned that stop to rest and gather strength. He deserved it as well.

This place was pretty civilian. By the standards of the wasteland, of course. People were trying to live a "normal" life and some constantly pretended like The Great War never happened. You didn't mind it as long as they didn't act suspicious towards you. Besides, he was here and that made you feel... safe. Kinda. Weird nonetheless.

He was the one who announced parting ways in town and you kindly agreed (like you had a choice).

"I'm goin' to check what chems they got here, think you can handle things on your own, Vaultie" - usual smirk appeared on his fucked up face.

That ghoul was driving you insane. Even after paying him for escort and protection he was still threatening you and bitching around that he actually doesn't care about you and if something big is going to happened - his life goes first, not you. But the sad truth was - you couldn't really blame him.

Ironically, someone like him turned out to be the kindest thing you met since reaching the surface. He was terriyfing, cruel and nothing alike anyone from the Vault. But as time passed, you saw something more in him, under that hard shell and feeling of fear passed. His action were still shocking to you, but wasteland has it's own rules and you started to understand that.

It wasn't a suprise that Cooper didn't want to walk around the town. You felt like he couldn't stand you. But it was fine, you kinda enjoyed exploring and discovering the town alone. Just like the good old times as a child in the Vault.

Little you knew that you had a shadow. Unaware of a pair of penetrating eyes watching your every graceful move. Your smile was the brightest on the whole planet and every small gesture was full of passion. Analizing you very carefuly. You didn't saw him, but he saw you perfectly.

It was hard for the ghoul to admit it to himself that he grew fond of you during your journey together. Very hard. Worst, poor bounty hunter realized that he had a soft spot for a stupid naive Vaultie. Thankfully, you didn't notice anything and he could suffer in silence.

You reminded him of a long gone humanity. Always kind and polite, naive as hell, delusional and annoying. You even never judged him for being a ghoul! Ohhh, how he hated you, but loved at the same time. You were like his human half, a long lost part. He knew you wouldn't last long out there, people like you never lasted long.

Cooper took this job for money of course. You offered a good amount of caps and it was equal with massive stock of chems. But now, he thougth to himself, it would be a shame if something happened to you, right? That's why he was doing an "extra" job. Always watching, even if he didn't had to, always protecting you, even if you didn't noticed it.

In a long long long time the ghoul felt like a human again. It was pissing him off, but he missed that feeling. Well, he missed his whole previous life actually, more than he would like, but you kinda started to filling that void inside his ghoulish heart. Slowly.

#fallout #fallout tv series #fallout x reader #fallout the ghoul #the ghoul x reader #cooper howard #cooper howard x reader #the ghoul #fallout cooper howard #one shot #soft one shot

255 notes · View notes

x-liv25-jamieswife · 2 days

Note

For the release of ttpd, can a girl get some sad Grayson hcs 😔✊ <3

sad grayson head canons

of course<3. i eat up sad tig hcs so i might make some for the rest of the brothers and avery (probably will). hope you like them! this one is going to be kinda dark (i like making my favorite tig characters suffer) so trigger warning for self-harm and suicidal thoughts/attempts. take care of yourselves, and try to talk to someone if you can. as someone who's been through a lot of shit last year, i can promise you things, at some point, start looking up (this might be corny, but i felt the need to say it) (i may be projecting in some of these cause i love making myself see myself in my fav characters if that makes sense).

grayson used to go out (like to the park or smth) and watch all of the kids playing with each other wishing he could be like them.

sometimes he gets so self-destructive he doesn't eat or drink water. he just lies in bed wishing he could magically die.

grayson heard the prochecy, the black dog, loml, and down bad from ttpd for the first time and started sobbing uncontrollably (so many other songs but yk, im not gonna write all of them down)

when he gets in those self destructive moods, he tends to piss people off/make people sad on purpose so that they'll get made and leave him (he secretly wishes that someone can see through all of his pain and be there for him)

very dark so trigger warning (even though i gave one at the beginning. you can never be too sure), grayson used to have scars on his ribs bc he would hurt himself. he never cut deep enough for it to actually scar permanently bc he 'has an image to uphold' according to tobias.

although swimming is a coping mechanism, it's also a form of self-harm for him sometimes. he swims until he can't feel his legs anymore, and sticks his head underwater for extended periods of time until he feels like he's about to drown.

i actually saw this in a conan gray interview, but he used to cross the street without looking left and right hoping a car would hit him.

he hears emily's voice in his head more often than he lets on. whenever he hears her voice, he'll press his nails so hard into his palms, they start to bleed.

he somehow managed to get his hands on some anti-depressant behind tobias' back and started taking them, but, sometimes, when he was especially suicidal, he would try to overdose on the pills. it never worked.

he's convinced himself that he deserves the pain he causes himself/the people cause him.

tobias knew about his unhealthy coping mechanisms but didn't do shit to help him bc didn't want him to 'soften up' making grayson think his grandfather thought he deserved the pain.

grayson will purposely make himself stay awake for days on end bc he doesn't think he deserves to get sleep sometimes (he needs to work. in his head, everything will go to shit if he doesn't)

sometimes he'll go swing on this swing they have in blackwood forest to feel like a kid again (it sometimes works)

he has this stuffed teddy bear nash gave him when he was a baby that he sometimes sleeps with when he feels alone (even though he'd grown now).

this one is extremely dark, probably the darkest one yet so tw for suicide attempt(ish its not really one).......... at the age of fifteen, he actually bought pills to overdose on and set a date (the 14th of may (really random)). he was going to off himself that day but didn't end up doing it bc his brothers dragged him out to play chess (idk, anything works). he said he'd do it some other day but never go to it. every year, on that day, he celebrates not offing himself bc he wouldn't have met the people he met and wouldn't have gotten to feel the happiness he now feels if he had.

he's convinced himself he isn't worthy of love (this one also applies to jamie, a lot of these actually do in my opinion, they're quite similar when you think about it. probably will make a post about this)

when he was a baby, he'd imagine his stuffed teddy was actually his mom when he felt the need to be held by a parental figure. it almost never worked, but he would always try again hoping it would magically start working.

he has panic attacks on a regular basis. ones where he starts pulling at his hair and stuff. he thinks he's going crazy after these, but avery reassures him he isn't (or nash, but i like the idea of avery being there for him as a friend/sister figure)

when he was younger, he used to ask people if they wanted to come to his house and play with him. they said yes but only bc he was rich. the second they'd step foot into his house, they'd leave him and start exploring.

this sort of goes with the hc i made that he denies himself food and stuff, but, when he gets cold at night and wants to lower the temperature, he'll force himself to stay in bed and take the blankets off to let himself suffer.

he secretly wishes people weren't so scared of him bc then he might have friends.

sometimes, he starts feeling so numb with everything he goes back to the cliff where emily died just to feel smth.

he's such a perfectionist he would cry whenever he got lower than a 90% at school.

it might not look like it, but he really cares about people's opinions of him and will do everything in his power to 'fix' what these people think is wrong with him.

whenever he gets mad at the world or at himself, he'll go to one of those places where you smash and break everything. when he's done, he makes himself sit in the mess and look at all of the destruction he caused (he sees this as him destroying everything in his life (like his relationships, etc))

to end on a brighter note, here's a happy grayson hc :)

when he was younger and wanted smth, he would jump with his hands clasped together begging for it with the cutest puppy eyes ever (i find this one really adorable and can literally picture it in my head).

not proof read so i apologize for any spelling mistakes<3. again, there are resources you can use if you ever need help. if you can, try to get a therapist, and, if you can't, talk to a friend/family member or call a helpline. things can get better. sending everyone lots of love.

#the inheritance games #jameson hawthorne #grayson hawthorne #avery grambs #nash hawthorne #xander hawthorne

55 notes · View notes

angel-kyo · 16 hours

Text

Pay it no mind

Part XVIII

In which reader confesses their feelings to Gojo, but it seems these are not returned (maybe?).

Warnings: reader is on the receiving end of rejection (kinda), and the fact that I'm obsessed with unrequited love is a warning itself, and... idk, I didn't mean to put anything warning worthy here, but if you think of something I guess let me know. <3

Previous: Part I, Part II, Part III, Part IV, Part V, Part VI, Part VII, Part VIII, Part IX, Part X, Part XI, Part XII, Part XIII, Part IV, Part XV, Part XVI, Part XVII

----------------------

The days that followed after Satoru told you he liked you, it seemed that everything had gone back to normal and you two were slowly falling back into your usual routine: meeting up early in the mornings, bantering in between classes and missions, and eating lunch with Shoko when all of you were at the school. It was comforting to have things return to how they used to be, or that was what you thought.

“What’s up with him?” Shoko asked across from you.

Satoru had business to attend so he had just left you and Shoko at the table in the cafeteria.

“What do you mean?” you looked in the direction he had gone but could no longer see him.

From your perspective, Satoru had not changed much since that day he walked through the school holding your hand; he had not pressed the subject of whether you liked him back still any further either, and since he appeared to be okay in this grey zone where you two were sitting, you had not brought it up either. However, Shoko, as perceptive as ever, had noticed how Gojo, who always seemed to like your personal space, was moving into it almost permanently these days; how he was not even bothering to be discreet with the way he looked at you or remained by your side when you were in the same room, and how, if he was not careful, it would be evident to everyone pretty soon.

At first, Shoko had believed it was all in her head; since that day, years ago, when she first considered that Gojo could have some kind of crush on you, the notion had prevailed. In fact, she had thought she was looking into her friends’ relationship too much, maybe because none of them seem to pay any mind to how they were perceived, so it was not entirely impossible her eyes were just making her believe what she had accepted as true for so long was finally materializing.

Gojo’s laid-back attitude had been one of the reasons why Shoko doubted he cared seriously about whatever feelings he could have for you. Other than that rocky season in high school and a few other occurrences through the years that followed, Satoru had never taken any steps towards an actual relationship with you. Hence, Shoko thought it's a harmless crush.

But as of lately, he looked more... intent. Or maybe...

He’s losing his grip.

“You’ve never found him annoying, have you?” Your friend looked at her almost empty plate and it somehow reminded you of a similar talk you had had months ago.

“A bunch of times, but I guess I don’t find him too annoying,” you answered.

“Isn’t that all love is about?” Ieiri’s eyes connected with yours.

Her comment caught you off guard, and she might have noticed the way your smile froze because her gaze did not leave yours.

You did the only thing that could think of: laugh it off. “Yeah, I guess, if love is annoying, that is.”

Are you finally annoyed by it, Gojo?

“You tell me.” Shoko smiled and put the last bite of her food in her mouth.

***

“Why won’t she just admit she likes him?” Satoru asked while looking at the movie playing in front of him.

Maybe it was a rhetorical question, but you did not look at him before replying “Because there would have been no movie if they were that direct.”

It was a Friday night and Satoru had made an impromptu proposal to you to have a movie marathon at his place. You had accepted but now, into your first movie of the night, you were having trouble to stay focused on the story, which was supposed to be some sort of romantic comedy, not half as bad as many, but the romantic scenes were making you self-conscious.

You watched the scene where the protagonists had gone from arguing to making out and you felt the need to look somewhere else.

From the corner of your eye, Satoru seemed unimpressed.

He’s unfazed, of course he is.

Actually, Satoru was only calm on the surface. Unbeknownst to you, he had also perceived the change in the air between the two of you when the more intimate scenes started playing. He thought he should have chosen a different film, but suggesting changing it now would only make the unsaid more obvious, so he was sticking it up with the most unexpressive face he could manage as the actors on the screen seemed to melt into each other.

Satoru had not meant anything suggestive by choosing that movie; he had just played the first thing he found as he always did when you had not planned in advance, and under normal circumstances, that would have been fine. You had watched all kinds of films together, including romantic ones, the good and the bad ones, but now…

Satoru was already looking at you when you were about to steal another glance in his direction.

His gaze revealed a question he dared not ask, or rather, a question he had promised himself he would not ask until you were ready.

He was trying to be a good friend, even if he wanted to be more than that. It had took him a while to figure out his feelings, so he had resolved to give you as much time as you needed. Yes, Satoru was convinced he could wait patiently, but…

Is he leaning forward?

At times… His resolve weakened.

“[name]…”

The look he was giving you was that of a kid who wanted to ask for something but did not know how. In his clear eyes, there was need but also fear of being denied.

What is your answer? his eyes were asking.

The winter had also frozen time in your friendship, in this safe spot in Satoru’s place, where you could still be friends and pretend nothing needed to change as it never changed in the years before, not in his apartment nor in your friendship. But time must go on, does it not?

“Satoru...”

His phone rang.

Both of you looked at the phone that was screen-down on the coffee table in front of you, and it seemed to take Satoru a couple of seconds to decide if he wanted to pick it up, but he finally did.

“I’ll be right back.” You got up and went to the kitchen.

Giving him some privacy to take the call was an excuse; part of you just wanted to escape of it all, ask Satoru to take it back, let everything remain as it was, stay in the known, but the other part, the part that had been falling for him all this time wanted to see it through.

Are you in love with him?

For a second, you were back in your living room with Haruki, his question and your answer resonating in your head as you watched the cup of tea travel steady from the table to his lips.

“Some people think knowledge that doesn’t change behavior is worthless,” his eyes did not meet yours, and you did not reply immediately.

“If you knew he liked you, would you act on it?” He had almost finished his cup.

"I don't know," you replied.

Months ago, you had been convinced you wanted to act on your feelings, but now, the idea of change was scary, the idea of trying to later find out it was not what you wanted, was scarier; the idea that you and Satoru would never recover if that happened, was terrifying.

“To change something, you first need to accept the possibility of change, and of course you need to know that those possibilities exist. I guess in that way, that knowledge is not worthless, even if nothing actually comes out of it. We should accept the possibilities.”

His feelings were sudden but if there is a possibility...

“Okay, I can accept that,” you said lowly to yourself.

“You can accept what?” Satoru was looking at you and taking the sodas you had just mindlessly pulled from the fridge from your hands.

The room felt a few degrees warmer with his proximity.

“Nothing, I was just...” Your gaze drifted to the door leading to a small terrace where Satoru had installed a couple chairs to sit on when the weather was nice. He almost never did it though, and you could use some fresh air. “Do you want to go outside?”

A smile played on Satoru’s lips. “Isn’t it cold?”

“Just for a bit.”

That was how you and him needed up outside looking at the city lights. You looked up but it was impossible to see the stars. Satoru mirrored your gesture and then directed his gaze back to the city.

“Do you ever regret it?” he asked.

“Regret what?”

He shrugged. “Staying here, doing what we do, not going somewhere quieter or… somewhere where you could see the stars.” He looked up again and you kept your gaze on him.

Why was he asking that now you did not know, but you answered him honestly.

“I do not regret it.” It was true. Even when you did have the opportunity to do something else or be somewhere else, you chose not to leave. “This is pretty too.”

The lights of a city that never seem to sleep were probably not as fascinating and mystical as the stars that burned millions of light years away, but they had some beauty of their own.

“I guess so,” Satoru agreed, and he wrapped an arm around you, and after some silence he spoke again.

“Aren't you cold?”

You nodded your head. “But can we stay here a little longer?”

And maybe what you really wanted to ask was can we stay like this a little longer?

In any case, Satoru would have given you the same response as he held you tighter.

“Of course.”

----------------------

Note: I'll try to proofread... Oh, and sorry about basically disappearing. Thank you a bunch for the kind messages during my silence. <3

Thank you for reading!

@mavs-stuff @witchbybirth @crookedlyaddictedone-blog @tqd4455 @maybe-a-bi-witch @mo0nforme @maliakealoha @zacatecanaaaa @blushhpeachh @astriarose @missesgojosatoru @ba-ks @sukunasleftkneecap @songbirdlully @cole-silas @heijihattorisgf @chokesonspit @hersheyzzz @smolbeanzzz @luciledreamz @avidreadee123 @moonmalice @ratscandaler @sadmonke @allie-jay @username23345 @spin-garden @ashehateaccount @kayzens @blehtotheblehtothebleh @stellasloth @bloopsstuff @cheesemachine44 @tetsuski

#gojo satoru #jjk #gojo x you #jjk fanfic #gojo x y/n #jujutsu kaisen #jjk gojo #gojo fanfic #gojo x reader #gojo fluff #gojou satoru x reader #satoru x reader #pay it no mind

57 notes · View notes

koibutcalledapollo · 1 day

Text

Part one of me drawing lifesteal members as ponies since I randomly learned how to draw ponies last night.

Explanations as for why they are what they are down below if your interested :

Zam: He's a Pegasus because I asked him myself and also was thinking the same thing to. He just gives Pegasus energy. 10/10 would probably accidentally fly into a wall one day, then do cool tricks the next.

Mapicc: He's a earth pony because of strength and stuff, I was thinking of applejack at some point idk. But also I couldn't decide between that or a Pegasus so if we want to get angsty we could say his wings got ripped off. Also that cutie mark took all my brain power because I didn't know what to do and even then I can't explain it fully. I was just thinking devotion comes from the heart and he gets hurt alot, and hurts people alot, but the hearts still beating despite the bleeding.

Ashswag: I feel like anyone with access to exploits would be a alicorn. And if you get them taken away, whatever you didn't have before you got them gets taken away as well, probably leaving scars.

Reddoons: Actual thing I said during a conversation I had with my sibling; "he doesn't feel magical enough to be a Unicorn but magical enough to not be a pony". So. He's a Pegasus. Idk.

#princezam #reddoons #ashswag #mapicc #lifesteal fanart #lifesteal smp #devotion duo #scam duo #god help me i dont know why i want to draw ponies all the sudden #i have zam angst i want to draw #but the demons THE PARASITES.

39 notes · View notes

rmbunnie · 2 days

Text

Red Hood Characterization

This is really long so I'm putting a cut here, I've been thinking about Jason Todd's character motivations and the question of whether or not his actions are based in a Moral Code (I don't think so, not to say he's without any morality) and I talk about that in more depth here.

I saw someone say on here that Titans: Beast World: Gotham City was some of the best Jason Todd internal writing they'd seen in a while, and I've been a Red Hood fan for 8 years or so now? pretty much since I read comics for the first time, so I went and checked out and I thought it was good! The way the person I saw talking about it as if it was rare and unusual made me wonder though, because as well-written as it was, there wasn't really anything in it that went against the way I conceptualize Jason?

This kinda plays into a larger question I've been thinking about for a while with Jason though, which is that, do people think that the killing is part of a fundamental worldview that motivates him a la batman, and that worldview is the reason he does the things he does?? Because 8 years ago i was a middle schooler engaging with fiction on the level that a middle schooler does, so I simply did not put much thought into it beyond "poor guy :(" but ever since I actually started trying to understand consistent characterization, I don't really see Jason as someone who's motivated by a moral code in his actions the way batman or superman is!

tbh my personal read is that he's a very socially-motivated guy, his actions from resurrection to his Joker-Batman ultimatum in utrh always seemed to me like every choice made leading up to his identity reveal was either a. to give him the leverage and skill necessary to pull off his identity reveal successfully, or b. to twist the knife that little bit more when he does let Bruce find out who he is. Like iirc there's a Judd Winick tweet like "yeah tldr he chose Red Hood as his identity because it's the lowest blow he could think of." And I think that's awesome, I think character motivations rooted so deeply in character's relationships and emotions are really fun to read! I also think it's where the stagnation/flatness of his character comes from in certain comics, because if his main motivation is one event in one relationship that passes, and he is not particularly attached to anything in his life or the world by the time that comes to pass, it's a little harder to come up with a direction to go with the character after that, because there isn't much of a direction that aligns with something the character would reasonably want? But I do think solving this by saying "all of the morally-off emotionally driven cruelty he did on his way to spite Batman was actually reflective of his own version of Batman's stance that's exactly the same except he thinks it's GOOD to kill people" isn't ideal. To be fully honest, it seems to me like he never particularly cared one way or the other about killing people to "clean Gotham of crime," he just did everything he could to get the power necessary to pull off his personal plans, and took out any particularly heinous people he encountered along the way (like in Lost Days.) Not to say I think the fact he killed people keeps him up at night anymore than everything else in his life events, I just never really thought he was out there wholeheartedly kneecapping some dude selling weed or random guy robbing a tv store for justice.

Looping wayyy back to my question, Is this (^) contradictory to the way he's written/the overall average perception of the character? Because like I enjoyed his writing in Beast World i have zero issue with anything there, I just didn't believe it would be a hot take, like yeah, that is Jason. It's been a while since I've read utrh and lost days, but I don't think my takeaway directly contradicts either of those too bad iirc. Idk all this to say I think Jason killing and being alright with killing is an obvious and objective fact, but i guess i've always seen it as more of a practical tactic than a moral belief, and I think taking the actions made during the lowest points of a character's life where he is obsessively focused on this ONEEEE thing and trying to apply it as a Motivating Stance to everything he's done after that, doesn't really follow logically for me.

#edit: i am so so open to discussion and disagreement on this but please try to have something substantial to say. god bless!#like ofc jason kills but to me it was less “everyone I've ever killed deserves death objectively”#and more “when people are dead they stop doing things like heinous atrocities and trying to kill me"#i don't even think he wanted the joker dead (only) because he thinks he objectively morally deserves death #although the joker is one of the most extreme cases possible and he if does think that he's VERY justified #i really do think it was just about bruce #and wanting bruce to avenge him to show he loved him and he mattered and wanting his dad to give him security #all the killing was about the clown and everything with the clown was about bruce #i've NEVER forgotten the bit in lost days where he has the joker tied up at gunpoint and doesn't kill him #i think if it was only about a moral greater good situation he would have taken him out then and there #if you disagree i'd love to hear why provided you can be civil and not an jerk #also if you disagree PLEASE PLEASE put screenshots and comic issues if possible #i'd love to check them out and form my own stance on them #just know that if you say like. battle for the cowl. or the Tom King batman annual or something i probably won't care too much #comic characterization is ever-changing and inconsistent i truly believe that the best thing to do is just read the important stuff #and try to form your own stances from there #because there's never gonna be 100% of comics involving a character that align with each other perfectly and that's just a given #jason todd #red hood #dc comics

28 notes · View notes

lover-of-mine · 2 days

Note

I keep thinking about the Tommy leaving post and the Buddie being ready for each other post and I feel like there's a comparison I want to make here but I'm not sure exactly what it is but something about Tommy leaving because he was not down with that whole mess of date, understandably, but also Buck's boatload of issues still even tho Tommy came back & they're in this "maybe this could be the something I'm ready for" & potential issues that might crop up going forward like will Buck be hesitant still or dive headfirst or some combination, will Tommy feel like it's too much or just not working, will it be the thing that finally makes something click in Buck's head that he needs to go to therapy bc hey Tommy is different from his exes but the issues are still the same idk or he decides it's not working bc it's not the thing he wants but he's ready to figure that out so again therapy! but also when he realizes he's in love with Eddie & they could be it for each other he knows he doesn't want to make those same mistakes and the way to do that is to be honest with himself and Eddie and it's not perfect but they're both in it and self enough aware they know they can make it work together (therapy would be so good but also Maddie or Bobby have some wisdom here too) like a desperation almost of I love him and I want him and this is it for me but I'm so scared of losing it all and it's like well. What are you gonna do about it? Are you gonna let yourself have this? I read a fic today where when they were discussing starting something but Buck was scared Eddie was like "we deserve to be happy too and being with you makes me happy" and that's all I want now okay sorry this is so long and probably makes no sense but I didn't know who to send it to I can stop rolling it all in my head over and over again send help or a sedative my god they make me feral and all these new ttpd edits are making it 10000x more

Okay, I see what you mean, and I am team Buck/Therapy first and foremost, but let's discuss Tommy outside the perfect queer Yoda people seem to have put him in. First of all, Tommy didn't come back, the energy that exists there is that there would be no second date if Buck didn't ask him for coffee (and Buck only called because Eddie told him to). I don't blame Tommy for walking away, the situation Buck put him in is shitty, but he did not come back, he indulged Buck in a coffee for whatever reason I don't understand. I don't understand why someone would agree to go to someone's sister's wedding after one kiss and half a date they walked out of. But what I'm getting from Tommy is that he's not gonna put up with Buck's bullshit just because he's cute. And Buck is diving in head first, asking someone to be your date to your sister's wedding after half a date where they left you on the curb when he's out to exactly 2 people is somehow crazier than buying furniture with Natalia, because at least there he had what? 3 successful dates under his belt? Buck is in the hamster wheel, this time with a guy. Dating a guy is bringing him clarity in some aspects of his life, but he is still showing the same patterns when it comes to dating. Will he break out of his pattern this time? Who the fuck knows. Realizing he's repeating these patterns and letting go before he gets in too deep, realizing he needs to work on himself, would be a major sign of growth from him, but Tommy pointing something out and making him take action works too, but I don't know what or how that could be approached. I was talking about this with someone last week, I'm pretty sure i sent them a voice note of like, 12 minutes on this, but do we trust Buck to separate the way he's infatuated from what he actually needs? That his bisexuality is his no matter what? Because I don't. If he's still that insecure about Eddie when Eddie has been stable in his life the whole time they've known each other, then I don't trust him with anything emotional, really. Could he wake up one day and realize maybe it was about Eddie, see what's in front of him and proceed to work through his insecurities? Sure, they could go there, especially with how intertwined Eddie is to bucktommy, make Buck realize his feelings, work through his insecurities somehow and realize he needs to talk to Eddie and that they will be okay no matter what. But the thing is, Eddie loves Buck too much. Like the post said, he loves Buck at his own detriment, so if Buck goes all weird on him for whatever reason again (which he probably would if he realizes he might be in love with Eddie, he would panic, 705 Buck would freak out if realized he's in love with Eddie) he's gonna internalize that, and that's something they need to address before there is any movement into making them romantic.

Because now that there's a real chance buddie is gonna go canon, they need to address some problems that were created between them, mainly the way they assume things about each other a lot instead of having an open conversation. All they need is an open conversation, I will accept if the show magically decides they can talk to each other now, that the issue was the denial, but Buck needs to ask for shit, he needs to talk when he's insecure, he needs to not let Eddie get away with assuming he's right, and Eddie needs to stop assuming he can read Buck's mind, he needs to call Buck out when he's getting in his head, and he needs to stop trying to fix past mistakes with someone else, they need to actually be able to address things that hurt them, because they will hurt each other, the question is how they work through the problems. Dating your best friend, even more after being best friends for this long comes with issues, the adjustment would be intense because they have an intense relationship already. And they both need to let go of the idealized version of what a relationship should look like they have. Can Tommy help Buck there? Yeah, absolutely, but he also shouldn't be expected to hold a grown man's hand through his own feelings, yk? Buck doesn't know what he wants and he's working through it, allegedly, so, like, there's potential there but I have no idea how this can unfold tbh. They need to get to the point where they're like "I deserve happiness" but also realizing that happiness doesn't look the way they think it does, that it's never gonna be perfect, but that it is worth fighting for, you don't find it, you make, works here too, but the thing is, you need to keep making it as long as you're together, love is not all it takes, the fight never stops. I've been thinking about this a lot too.

#yeah #i dont know dude #but i feel you #911 #911 speculation #i really need a tag for asks #anon 😌

27 notes · View notes

asimplysimpingsimp · 2 days

Text

someone plz make this bro I can't-

Ok so I was just animating or whatever amd then all of a sudden, I got a great idea. It's probably already been done before but like what if, hear me out, what if, there was a fanfiction, platonic, romantic, Idc, about Chuuya's pov when Dazai left. Like obviously it's been done but like what if it weant as such:

Chuuya usually goes about his day normally, doing normal pm stuff, and once in a while he'll run into Dazai because, he too is pm. They usually fight and squabble and it's totally a routine at this point but then one day he wakes up and Dazai just isn't there. Idk maybe he was busy or something. So the next day he still doesn't see him. Probably trying a new suicide method. The next day. And the next. And the next. And the next, he isn't there. Finally he starts wondering what the heck is going on and somehow, Idk, maybe Mori tells him, or he overhears it, or somethin, he finds out Dazai left the mafia or just dissapeared out of nowhere. Now dude's like totally mad and confused cuz he didn't get any news of this sooner and he has no knowledge of why he would leave like that. Seeing as Chuuya is an actually smart person, Idk maybe he can use some deduction skills to try and figure it out. Even though he's racking his brain about it, nothing comes up. Until he remembers how close Oda and Dazai were and how Oda just recently died. So he gets a squad to do research, and they find literally nothing due to Ango's deal with an organization. So dude's got no leads, no ideas, and one clue why Dazai left, which is Oda's death. So he just has no other choice but to live with that and be vigilant. Four years. Four. Years. Pass. And no signs of Dazai. Like he just stopped existing that day. So, this could go a couple ways:

One day, Chuuya's doing something, Idk, shopping, walking, working, Idk Idc, but he's doing something and then just hears the words Dazai and immediently freaks out. He goes over and is totally freaking out and asking a billion questions and stuff. The people who were talking about him then tell him that Dazai was in the detective agency. And Chuuya's response is honestly beyond me. Make that up, I have no clue. But then he goes to check out the agency, and then sees him and after that I have no clue. I don't imagine them talking about it though. I think maybe Chuuya's just like, dang he looks way healthier or happier here, that's weird. And just decides not to interfere and goes home, questions mostly unanswered.

Or the other ending:

Chuuya, once again, is just doing stuff and then hears a reaaaaaally familiar and obnoxiously annoying voice and just wips his head around so hard it practically snaps. Then there's Dazai, just talking with an ADA member and he just freezes. Like, my dude was gone 4 years, now he's here, out of nowhere. So he's just in pure shock. Then it turns into pure rage. Then it turns into pure confusion. Then exitment. Then rage again. He cracked the case, but it was still unresolved. After that, do what you will, my brain is empty.

#dazai osamu #chuuya nakahara #bsd #bsd dazai #bsd chuuya #soukoku #soukouku

21 notes · View notes

autumngracy · 2 days

Note

Hi, just a random question from a fan of AROS (for which I have no coherent words to decribe my admiration)- I'm sure you've been asked this a million times already, but I'm quite new to this fandom, so forgive me and feel free to ignore the question, of course- who did you base your Javert on, appearance-wise?

Actually I don't think anyone directly asked this before!

To be honest I didn't actually base him on anything or anyone in particular ... I think the reason for this is because I read the brick before ever seeing any adaptations of Les Mis, so the first Javert I pictured was just my own interpretation of him from the brick ...

And what's funny is I can't remember if I originally pictured him with short hair or long hair. I read the 1938 Heritage Press edition of the brick, which is the Wraxall translation + about 1500 Lynd Ward illustrations, and in those illustrations he has short hair. But, oddly, I didn't remember it as being short in those illustrations? I had to go back and look years layer to confirm. (Alas, my beautiful Heritage Press copy is lost somewhere now!)

So I don't know if the long hair thing was me originally picturing it that way despite the illustrations being otherwise (possibly because the illustrative style made it somewhat vague at first?), or if it was from me later getting brainrot from looking at all the post Terrance Mann Javert designs ...

Best I can say about the hair issue is, well ... I just really happen to like male characters with long hair ... idk why lol. I have a lot of male OCs with long hair and every time I make one, part of my brain goes "Another one? For real? Do we not have enough of these little bitches already? If you don't stop putting long hair on all these characters people are gonna start to think you have some kind of kink."

Which. Well. I'm actually asexual so idk lol I think it's just an aesthetic preference

ANYWAY

For his wardrobe, that's just the brick descriptions plus factual research into 1830's era menswear. The only anachronistic element of his appearance really is his hair, but I do get around that by pointing out that he could have simply picked the (older and naval oriented) style up while he was at the Bagne (which did in fact have a dress mandate for keeping long hair tied up, suggesting it was a common enough hairstyle among the guards) and just never dropped it even after it became unfashionable—because A) he doesn't seem to give two shits about being fashionable, B) keeping short hair means either spending money to keep it short or having an intimate enough relationship with someone that they will do it for you free—neither of which I can see him wanting to do—and also C) he appears to be a creature of habit, so keeping the same, easily self-maintained hairstyle over the years fits my understanding of him.

Also, I'm not even exaggerating his tools of the trade because there really is a line in the brick about him having some kind of sword, which I had to go back and reread several times because it surprised even me (but it's 3am and I'm too assed to look it up rn). And we already know he has 2 pistols and a bludgeon (which the brick says he holds tucked up invisibly in his sleeve, Assassin's Creed style, lmao).

On another subject—

Given his stiff and distanced way of interacting with the world, questionable of social skills (see him bluescreening when Fantine is pleading with him in the mairie by way of what may be thinly veiled sexual advances), as well as his black and white thinking, penchant for being distracted by his thoughts to the point of complete obliviouness, propensity to either give extremely short responses or to go into ranting monologues, with little in between—plus the idea that he hates reading but makes himself do it for self improvement reasons, and how he seems to start stimming when lost in thought—I could definitely see him possibly being Autistic or having ADHD.

Now then, about his race ...

I know originally I actually pictured him differently than the Javert I wrote for my fic—as more white, at least—the way he appeared in the Lynd Ward until I read people discussing how he was probably supposed to be part Romani. And when it came to me having to pick conclusive character designs for my fic, I thought it would be much more interesting if it was a Javert who was visibly Romani instead of white passing, which he seems to be in most everything that bothers to mention his background.

I do find it weird that he's seemingly been played by nothing but white guys except for Norm Lewis and David Oyelowo (that I can find). So there's never really been a Romani Javert in stage or screen adaptations ... However, there's still a decent amount of fanart that shows him as darker skinned/Romani, so at least there's that.

Anyway I find that a visibly non white Javert just adds a lot more nuance and depth to his character, even compared to a still Romani but white passing version of him. Because then it changes how he interacts with and views the world (and vice versa), and it changes or adds to his motivations for doing what he does. It brings his (very canon!) struggle with internal racism to the forefront, which a lot of adaptations downplay or completely ignore.

I think part of why this appeals to me is that in modern times we are very used to the idea of the shitty oppressive white cop who is approaching everything from a position of absolute privilege and authority (which is a very shallow and uninteresting archetype, character-wise) ... and brick canon Javert, regardless of whether or not he is white passing, is not coming from a position of privilege—and not just because he is poor. He is coming from a position of social insecurity and vulnerability, which (at least it seems to me) he is trying desperately to escape/overcome.

And this makes his motivations for choosing his specific job far more interesting than "shitty white cop that enforces the status quo because he gets off on exerting power over other people". It suggests a sort of willful mental dissonance and denial that also make a lot of sense in hindsight when we consider the effects of his derailment.

The idea of him snapping and realizing for the first time that most everything he was doing was morally corrupt (or at least highly questionable) is one thing (and a level of obliviousness/ignorance that is somewhat hard to believe, imo) ...

But the idea that he knew how morally reprehensible his actions were all along, and was repressing it on purpose? To gain the only foothold he could see on the ladder of a world he was born on the lowest rung of? And after decades, is forced by external factors to finally, finally look his decisions in the eye and confront himself about them?

Well, shit. That hits a lot harder, doesn't it?

And it certainly hits him pretty hard. Obviously (as I pointed out in the the fic) he did mentally store away notes of things he found morally questionable about/during his career over the years—he just didn't let himself act on them. But it implies he was aware of the injustices, even if he only relegated that awareness to his subconscious.

The brick talks about how he felt he existed outside of society and had only two choices in life—black and white thinking; criminal vs protector, etc.—and it spells out how this is pretty much the direct result of his internalized rascism—so, I mean ... I don't think it's unlikely that canon Javert knew from the beginning that he was sacrificing his his heritage, culture, and moral compass in pursuit of respect and recognition from society (and thereby, social safety).

And in a Post-Seine world, he's forced to reconcile with all of that.

I may have just spoiled a major upcoming plot point for AROS tbh but oh well I was dropping breadcrumbs of foreshadowing about it the entire goddamn time lmao

#A Reflection of Starlight #AROS #Les Mis #Les Misérables #Javert #Tell me why I just spent 2 hours writing an essay in response to a *checks notes* single sentence ask

26 notes · View notes

raiiny-bay · 1 month

Text

the kids released a new album

#ts4 #simblr #ts4 edit #ts4 render #sims 4 #myedits #AUverse #dhestyn #kelly #ok i actually have things to say about this #FIRST OF ALL this is not what i intended to make when i sat down & started working on the bandAU #i had this big elaborate thing planned & then i realized... i didn't wanna do it. at least. not right now lol #idk why i think everything i make needs to be so elaborate & involved bc it doesn't?? like where did i get that idea from?#i can just make something small & silly sometimes yk #n e way. this is like. one of the kids' albums i guess? my thought is that dhes wrote it/was in charge of it #that's why he's on the cover.#kel writes most of their albums (w help from the others ofc) but dhes really wanted to try writing one & this is what came of it #most of the titles don't actually mean anything. they're just like. random words i thought dhes would use lol #but the first 3 are references to the canonverse #also i originally wanted to have dhes shirtless bc 1. symbolism of like vulnerability?#but also 2. i thought the lighting would look pretty against his skin #BUT he has a death note tattoo right there between his shoulder blades & i just.......... could not take him seriously like that so #he had to keep his clothes on

149 notes · View notes

just-another-obsessed-fangirl · 2 months

Text

theories as to where Grace got the cigarette she was smoking after fucking Max's ghost:

she has actually secretly been an active smoker for a long time and always carries a pack with her

she bought a pack of cigarettes when she was on the run from the cops because she was stressed, and figuring that she had already disappointed the Lord by touching herself and lying to the police and dismembering a body, decided that she might as well relieve that stress by taking up smoking

Max died with a pack of cigs and a lighter on him and they stayed with him when he turned ghost and Grace pocketed them from his clothes after they had sex

she just found them in the school or on the ground somewhere after the Lords in Black meeting, and perhaps her mind made the association between sex and cigarettes and that's how she came up with the idea of giving up her chastity to end Max's reign of terror

Grace had immediately thought of giving up her virginity as the sacrifice after the Lords in Black meeting, and the entire time Steph and Pete are running away and tearfully coming to terms with Steph having to kill Pete to stop Max, Grace is running around the school or off to a drug store for cigarettes because she felt having a smoke after was that necessary

#grace chasity #nerdy prudes must die #npmd #seriously where did she get that cigarette ive been wondering abt it a lot #her being a secret smoker doesnt seem very in character to me #but weirdly i feel like it makes the most logical sense?#itd easily explain why she has cigarettes on her and she seemed pretty comfortable with smoking #she wasnt like coughing or anything. like she couldve done it before at least once.#2nd most plausible to me was maybe that it was actually max's?? but idk doesn't seem that much more plausible than some of the other ones #her looking for cigs could explain where she was when the steph/pete stuff was happening but not necessarily explain the other way around #though maybe she did think it was necessary. grace almost definitely didn't have accurate sex ed and was sheltered #maybe thru like the media that she could watch she just believed smoking after was the expected thing #or some church sex ed lesson she had that combined abstinence only and no smoking messages #idk. it's 4 am. i dont know what im doing.#my posts

26 notes · View notes