#just going to cry myself to sleep

[starry-bi-sky]

my body's aching like a knock-down drag-out

and my poor heart is an open wound A Childhood Friends Au snippet that very briefly delves into Danny's life post-accident. CW: Mild Mentions of Blood, Violence, VERY mild gore ig. Danny briefly recalls getting impaled during a fight.

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What they don't tell you about being dead is that it hurts. That it can hurt. That it can hurt more than when you were alive. That when you die, the emotions you die with stick with you like a leech that just won't let go. That emotions are ugly little thorns that stick their barbs into you and grow beneath your skin; or, at least, whatever’s left of it. 

Danny is familiar with anger. It kept him warm in Gotham, when his parents weren't home from work and he and Jason were crowding Crime Alley with their presence. It kept him warm in Amity, when the fresh sting of moving was still needling into his heart and he wanted nothing more than to rip and tear into the closest person next to him.

He's familiar with violence. With fights. With death. He's seen people die in Crime Alley probably every day. From overdose, from gunshots, from stab wounds; anything that can kill, rest assured he's seen it. He's familiar with getting his own knuckles rough and bloody when other kids turn and bare their teeth at him and Jason; they're all just starving dogs stuck in a fighting pit, primed and ready to rip out each other's throats. 

Black eyes, stomped hands, bloody noses. You name it; he’s had it. Gotham is paved with the blood of her children, and Danny likes to imagine that when he was born, the doctors handed his mother a file and told her; “Take it. He’s going to need it for his teeth.” 

Danny’s mom (and dad, for that matter) was too busy trying to keep him and Jazz fed, so Danny stole the file from her drawer with Jazz’s help, and did it himself.  

He’s familiar with anger, he thought he was getting better at it these days. It doesn’t come to him as easily as it did before. Of course, that was before Jason died. 

Danny is less familiar with grief. Caring kills and Gotham kills the caring, so Danny cares very little about other people. Or he tries to. But grief hurts. His grief hurts. It hurts too much. It hurts like a bug trying to crawl out of his chest; like a rat chewing a hole through his heart. Some days he wants to dig his hands into his hair and split himself down the middle. Some days he just wants to scream. 

He’s dead. He’s dead. He’s dead. 

He wants the whole city to hear him wailing, some days. It sticks itself in the back of his throat like bile, and Danny is one wrong retch away from letting it loose. It sticks in his lungs like all the tar he’s smoked in since he was nine. It pushes and aches at his temples, in his head, like his brain is trying to swell out of his skull. His thoughts becoming so loud they threaten to commandeer his tongue.  

He has no mouth, but he must scream. 

Something they don’t tell you about being dead is that it hurts. That it hurts more than when you were alive. Something they don’t tell you about being dead is that it’s violent. That it’s bloody. Or as bloody as it can be when everyone has no blood. 

Another thing they don’t tell you about being dead, is that it’s a lot like Gotham that way.

With no threat of death, Danny’s enemies forget death itself. Blood comes easy, like water, and teeth are encouraged. Bring your own fangs to the fight. Dying is something you can just walk off. 

Danny’s been dead for three months. He can’t say he’s been walking it off easy. He’s perfected the art of turning his nails into claws since his heart was still beating, but he can’t say he’s perfected fighting other ghosts. 

Scrappy is just not enough. 

He feels like he’s back in Gotham again. Back in her death-shroud alleyways, fighting someone bigger than him. But there’s no Jason to watch his back, and Danny has to get himself out of there alone. Or he might just not get up at all. 

Black eyes, busted lips. It’s familiar to him like an old scent, Danny isn’t quite sure that he’s missed it. It’s more familiar than his fights with Dash. 

But there’s no one else who can do it but him. Not Sam, not Tucker. He can’t lose them too. He can’t. He can’t. He can’t. His heart can’t take another break, he already feels like he’s going insane. 

With no threat of death, Danny’s enemies fight like death themself. He learns why when Technus puts a street sign through his stomach one day. It pins him to the asphalt like a moth pinned by its wings. 

Danny claws at the metal like how an animal caught in a trap chews off its leg, and every move is blinding pain. He thinks he was howling, but it’s hard to tell. He couldn’t recognize the sound of his voice. 

He bleeds green. It mixes in black with the pitch blackhole in his heart, which throbs and twists and cries in time with his reckless panic. The finger-choking terror of dying again strangles out the air he doesn’t need. His blood evaporates, only to reabsorb into him. It just bleeds out again, cycling like a snake eating its own tail. 

Danny breaks his nails clawing at the metal, and eventually gets it in his mind to pull it out. So he does, and the end drips ectoplasm green as he gets to his feet. In red-vision, Danny sends the sign back with snarling, vicious fervor. The pain is irrelevant in his rage.

Only after the fight does the hole the pole left start to close. Danny doesn’t shift human until it’s gone. Unlike other injuries, a scar stays behind. Ugly; mottled, it aches for a week with every twist and stretch his body makes. He hates it. 

Being dead is agony. 

Every part of him is in pain. Every step, every word he speaks, everything he does, it is prerequisite with pain. The body is temporary, but the soul is forever, and death has carved into it with its freezing green hands and left him with never-ending heartache. It has torn from him and stolen what of him it could, and in return it’s left him with sorrow. 

His pain is his grief, and he’s sobbed in the safety of his room more times than he can count. It’s still as fresh as the day he heard the news of Jason’s death. He knows, instinctively, that it will stay fresh forever. 

In his room, Danny shoves his hands over his mouth and shrieks in whatever, muffled way he can into his pillow. It’s not enough. It’s never enough. He needs to be louder. He needs to be heard. He refuses to be. 

Being dead hurts. 

#tw mild gore #cw mild blood #cw mentioned violence #dpxdc #dp x dc #danny fenton is not the ghost king #dpxdc crossover #dpdc #dp x dc crossover #dead on main #dp x dc au #dp x dc fanfic #cfau #cfau danny #obsessed with the fact that danny just has the WORST fucking time after jason dies and baby i can make it worse #*kills you and makes you a banshee and puts you in an irrevocable state of grief* #delicious angst. danny is having the wORSt time ever lol. lmao even #was originally meant to explore the idea that danny can survive lethal injuries as phantom. which briefly got mentioned. #but i got away from myself. leaning reaaal heavy into the fact that danny's a banshee. At 19 he's got a pretty good handle of himself #but imagine being a fresh out the gate banshee. usually they get time to themselves in the zone to cry until their heart's content. #sorry danny. you have school tomorrow and family sleeping in the bedroom next door #kinda proud of myself. you can kinda see how Rath would've occurred here. #danny is going through it rn #was gonna add a snippet about the city's thoughts on phantom but couldnt fit it in

[demigod-of-the-agni]

A thing for @breakfastatmiles' dtyis challenge on instagram :)

Been a while since I drew the world's most favourite boy (like. almost a year ago???? uh woops) I wanted to draw something for Percy's birthday but alas I had no idea what to draw :'') consider this late Percy Jackson b'day art

Variants under the cut

#also stop i literally just realised one of the texture images i used has the fucking “stock photo” in it im literally gonna cry #praying to every god that yall never find it. and if you do.... exclusive pictures of dino agni :) #anyway i spent probably the whole day on this. my anatomy exam is tomorrow and i know jackshit #(convincing myself that it's okay i was using anatomy knowledge to draw percy lol haha hashtag in denial and sleep deprived) #i guess now i have to go back to finishing assignments.. #percy jackson #percy jackon and the olympians #percy jackson fanart #pjo fanart #pjo #myart #artoftheagni

[nessberry]

"yue qingyuan deserves to know the truth about sqq." well yes but also, it would completely destroy his life bc he literally would not rest until he found shen jiu again. He would actually he horrified to think he had left xiao jiu all by himself for several years AGAIN. Ended up in shen yuans world without his memories? He's finding him. With his memories? He's finding him. He's actually still in his actual body, but isn't the main consciousness? Qi ge is bringing him back out, I fear. He woke up in some rando book extras body? He's finding him. He ended up in a whole other mxtx book? YUE QINGYUAN WILL FIND HIM

Doesn't matter if it takes him a day or a month or a year or 800 years or 1600 years he'll find Shen Jiu again

#he'll find him and shen jiu will ask what took him so long #im gonna go cry myself to sleep now #mxtx will actually write a whole series just for them and let me show you my presentation on why thats gonna happen #let me have my delusions in peace #let me just pretend #im gonna hyperventilate thinking about Them #qijiu #yue qingyuan #shen jiu #original shen qingqiu

[michsmeesh]

hrhhrhrhhh jovier hghrhhh brokeback mountain au hhehjrhjjhgjhkejgdjnhknj its literally 5 am and i just finished these and i hate how they turned out but WHATEVER

i just cant stop thinking about these two and its making me sick!!!!!!!

#jovier #javier escuella #john marston #rdr2 #red dead redemption 2 #au stuff #will probably draw more for this but for now... #have this little thing jovier nation #my art #michsmeesh #idk this au is just. eating me up from inside #because its literally THEM #im gonna go cry myself to sleep now bye #and tmrw i'll draw more requests #well. #later i'll draw more requests

[ballads-of-breeze]

Oh my god. The end of the route with Venti. Kaeya slipping away because he’s not a follower of Barbatos and thinks that means he’s not a true son of Mond. Venti essentially telling Kaeya and Traveler point-blank that he’s tired of losing the people he cares about before the ending (I think he’s alluding to the nameless bard’s death before he got to see New Mondstadt + maybe the Ragnvindr ancestor leaving before the same). The poem and exchange at the end where Venti tries to tell Kaeya that it doesn’t matter that he doesn’t follow him and is from Khaenri’ah, he’ll bless him all the same (and what a thing to say to a descendant of the godless nation)!! I am also specifically losing my mind over this line

(Yeah he sure does have stars in his eyes, and the Abyss euphemism is NOT subtle. Kaeya admitted in Caribert that he doesn’t want to be connected to the Abyss, and the poem as a whole is Venti describing Kaeya’s struggle with who he’s meant to be and his fate)

And this one

The thought of not having to live forever in struggle over his identity under the shadow of the legacy his ancestors have left him, and being able to choose the dawn—I can’t help but think this is intentional; the dawn is widely used as a symbol of new beginnings, but it’s got to also be representative of his adoptive family (especially Diluc, whose name origin diluculum apparently means dawn) which is closely associated with dawn.

#I still have two endings left so fingers crossed the brothers get to talk #give us some lore. tell us about your childhood. did your dad ever bring you guys on vacation to sumeru after kaeya’s ill-planned adventure #also the whole safe harbor thing. yes it could just be venti’s respect for mortals but also he loves kaeya as much as he loves everyone else #in mond okay that is his boy. #do not boo me #anyway. good night if anyone needs me I’m going to be crying myself to sleep #liveblogging #mine #rambles #genshin spoilers #kaeya hangout spoilers #genshin #genshin impact #kaeya alberich #venti

[tianhai03]

zzz.....

#here comes my weird coping mechanism of drawing someone sleeping when im exhausted beyond belief myself instead of just going to bed #im so tired i wish i could just sleep all day </3 #devil may cry #dante(dmc) #allyart #i forgot to do tomorrow's hw but i think im gonna ignore that and go rest earlier today #cant be assed to think abt school when im eepy <3 im sure my teachers will understand

[p4nishers]

im gnawing on this interview like a dog on a fucking bone.

#I LOVE THEM I LOVE THIS SHOW SO MUCH OH MYGOD #'thats just who this characters happem to be' YES!!!! EXACTLY !! IM GONNA SOB HYSTERICALLY THEY FUCKING GET IT #GOD #'s2 ACKNOWLEDGES the QUEER SUBTEXT between aziraphale and crowley' !!!;!!+!;;!;;!!;; WHAY IF DIED WHAT GHEN #im gonna go and cry myself to sleep now / pos #good omens #good omens s2 #good omens 2 #azicrow #good omens nina #good omens maggie #neil gaiman #good omens s2 spoilers

[carnivalcarriondiscarded]

ohhhhmygod im gonna be sick. actually nauseous and i did it to myself - there was a spider on the countertop and i Panicked, grabbing the first distance-killer i could grab. it was a grease cleaner spray. i buried it in the stuff, walked away to recover mentally, came back

it fucking fell apart and dissolved into the cleaner. i both feel horrible and im disgusted beyond words. how the fuck do i get rid of it

#slamming my face into a wall repeatedly #i cant leave it there to deal with after Sleep #bc my cats like to go onto the countertops when no one is looking #and i dont want either of them to get poisoned #but i cant rinse it into the sink with the faucet hose bc there's stuff in the sink #but idk if i can bring myself to do dishes with That next to me #and my fear of spiders is so intense that i Cannot get close enough to take care of it with a towel or somethin #im very good at fucking myself over in various ways! #if i had an appetite id lose it. permanently #what if! instead of dealing with it! i curl up in a corner and cry #except im not gonna do that ive filled my tears quota for the year & doing nothing wont help anything #sorry for venting again i just. ohhhhh this is horrible this is Terrible #if i still had my whacking stick id tape a big wad of paper towels to the end and clean the mess up that way #from a Distance! #absolutely unprompted #i wish i wasnt so terrified of spiders #they scare me So much.... #the point of feeling physically ill! and like sobbing! or panicking! and this spider was Big! #i wish they'd stop coming into the house.... i hate killing them but i cant function knowing theyre there #but i can't force myself close enough to put them in a cup and bring them outside #so now i have THAT on my counter. disintegrated spider. #life is too fucking much lately... jesus.... i should really just bite the bullet and get this shit over with #no use waiting a month in perpetual terror unease and guilt. do it scared yk yk #im tired of my chest hurting and not being able to eat! i dont like it! i need change! terrifying horrible change!

[rapidhighway]

every time I come back home I experience new mental illnesses -_-

#its not even bad rn it's been nice #there's just so much horrible stuff underneath it all though and i think i just can't handle it #i think im just grieving my entire life every time I come here #and I've been just having these thoughts i guess intrusive thoughts about everyone dying tragically for the laste few days and it's #NOT FUCKING HELPING #idk it's nice we're all nice and both is happening but there's always some new info dropped on me that they just. #expect me to process by myself and i just end up crying at night all the time cause like what am i supposed to do #yeah sorry for venting again i was getting a bit better at not doing tht but i neeed it rn ToT #k i think i just need to go to sleep and maybe ill forget everything tomorrow or something idk #vent #vent post

[warningstandbygo]

That was too many emotions in less than two hours, Mr. Mercer. How absolutely dare you.

I am going to DIE waiting to watch the second half until Saturday.

AUUUUUUUUUGH

#critical role spoilers #c3 spoilers #critical role #bells hells #the fact that Orym used the sending stone #and that almost made me cry #and then Matt *intercepted Dorian's response* #I am very normal and okay about this #that was just a rollercoaster and I feel emotionally exhausted now #I desperately need Dorian to have heard Orym's message #even if Orym didn't hear the reply #I'm just going to go cry myself to sleep #dorym

[slutdge]

Not to get deep here or anything but i really think i dont want to have a relationship with my sister anymore and ive been reflecting on that a lot. like sure she didnt abuse me or really do anything to directly traumatize me, but she voted against me having human rights because im queer, as well as voting for a party that wants to harm first nations people despite both of us being first nations i just.... i dont think i can forgive her for that. weve had laughs and good times together but i find myself unable to forgive her for her politics. i wouldn't tolerate bigotry from anyone else, i shouldnt tolerate it from someone just cause theyre family.

#can anyone provide me guidance on this? ill bring it up with my therapist but i dont see her for another week #anyways im making myself cry late at night whats new lol ive been processing a lot this week #ok eta: and theyll always make you feel bad for this!!!!! #theyll be like ''ok so everyone has to bend to your commie regime to have a relationship with you 🙄'' #like yeah actually you do #if you really loved me like you claim to you wouldnt be FUCKING VOTING FOR THE PEOPLE WHO WANT TO TAKE MY RIGHTS AWAY #yes you do have to respect my rights if you want to have a relationship with me that is completely reasonable #whats ACTUALLY unreasonable is you asking me to ''just get over'' the fact that yall support people who think i shouldnt have human rights #right wingers will try to gaslight you into believing basic human decency is an unattainable and torturous request #then when you get upset theyll be like ''god the left is so emotional 🙄'' #like yeah. i am. and you should be emotional too about human rights violations. the fact that youre not is pure evil. #anyways ill go cry myself to sleep like a faggot now #it just breaks my heart that i dont have any immediate family members who dont blatantly hate me for being queer/first nations

[letoscrawls]

I imagine you have plenty of suggestions as is. But. If you ever need an excuse to draw Alia and/or Feyd you can just imagine me with my face pressed against the shop window peering in eagerly and urchin-like.

How did i never think of this. The joint serve would be too powerful

yeah i spent a little too much time on this but it was worth it. The vibe isn't very Dune like but i have no regrets

Bonus toned down version so you can see the outfit better ⬇️

#ask #my art #feyd rautha harkonnen #alia atreides #dune #imagine if they had around the same age #evil fashion cousins #they would just humiliate Paul every chance they get with just their coordinated fits #we could have had it all dune nation!!!!! #anyways i'll go cry myself to sleep bc live action feyd won't remotely look like how i draw him

[tomfrogisblue]

I have finally finished O Segredo Na Floresta.

I have cried more than I thought possible.

And I fear I shall never be the same.

#i have discovered that however bad quarentena was - cellbit has tons more angst material ready to unleash when least expected #it was so so so good but my god - i have never felt more empty #you ever see a piece of media and think yeh this is gonna change the way i view certain things forever - yep. #but now i enter the ordem episodes that arent captioned and only have the youtube autotranslate - the final boss for my portuguese knowledge #cellbit #ordem paranormal #this post is sort of my proof to myself when i actually finished the bastard - this season was three billion years long i swear #and still so long to go #cellbit will continue to stab my emotions for many more hours to come!!! #it is very late at night and i am very sad. TIME TO START THE NEXT ONE :D #o segredo na floresta #enigma do medo #bro i need to yell at someone about the last like hour of the damn thing because i have many things to say. or maybe just cry some more #at least my portuguese is much better now lmao. I'll get to a point where i can just listen to an episode with no subtitles if it kills me!! #hopefully cellbit will be back on the qsmp soon to rip my heart out with a cute lil cubito delivering heart wrenching angst for some variety #qsmp #ok sleep time lmao

[chipthekeeper]

Every time I pull this card again i lose my mind 😭😭😭

#JUST KISS ALREADY #i need to go cry myself to sleep #velcinta

[galaxywhump]

I'm really sorry to come here begging again but i could use some cheering up. Or something. Anything.

#it's gotten really bad again #and yes it's 2 am here and i can't sleep #and i hate going to sleep in a terrible mood #i hate crying myself to sleep #i wish i wanted to be alive but it's really hard rn #cause sometimes i just don't want to be stressed and depressed and miserable anymore #and right now i can't see the light at the end of the tunnel #if there even is one #marti vents #venting #delete later #sorry

[doveotion]

genuinely didn't think I'd make it to 18 let alone 22 so now I'm looking around like..... Now What

#diary #um. sad rant i guess dont read if you're not in the headspace to take in negativity #i dont know what to do with myself. i feel like crying all the time and I'm always tired no matter how much i sleep and i love my family bu #sometimes i wish i just lived alone and didn't talk to anyone. i hate talking about my problems i hate everything about it #i dont want to be here. but i dont know where to go or how to move forward. i want to live but i dont really have that option #i feel so stuck right now. #i would say more but it would get sad really fast so I'll write it down maybe. or listen to some sad music and cry it out #genuinely thought about running away to like. Switzerland earlier. like i was looking up flights and everything #how fucking sad does someone have to be to contemplate that.