i know i literally just like. remade all of my blogs and made new muses and stuff but. i want to remake everything again. i feel so gross. but i love my urls man they are SO good and i would just. have to get new ones. i don’t have the brain capacity for it and im never going to care for them like i just have so much attachment to this ahri url most of all but just. ugh. im upset and sad and i don’t feel comfortable and it has nothing to do with anything or anyone here. also please forgive me if im not very responsive or talkative because of this.
i want to write on ahri most of all, and evelynn and my ffxiv wol, because i have particular brain rot for them. and sivir !! but i also want to make a kind of vampire oc bc i’ve been dying for a vampire oc for a very long time. if i get enough inspiration for something good and decide to make a blog, it’s just. going to be really private. by request only and i wont be posting the url. i just need somewhere small and private where i feel comfortable and can indulge myself and stuff.
anyway idk. im super upset rn im exhausted and just. ugh.
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A small, and kind of morbid headcanon for my clown here in Genshin verse. He has an electro delusion, but with little rational thought he did what some would view as... incredibly sick and borderline disturbing.
Nikolai, before he got his vision, had a fear of losing his delusion. It was given to him by the Tsaritsa herself, and what a great honor something like that is. He’d always hoped for a vision, but when never came and he instead was gifted a delusion, he took to desperate measures he would never lose it.
Nikolai had the delusion surgically planted onto his body. Such an invasive procedure and place for it to be had its own type of backlash. It’s not very comfortable, but he grew used to it. However, the delusion causes him suffering. He has periods where he’s unwell, and it even makes him sick. Both physically and mentally.
The episodes usually pass with... treatment of some kind, but the delusion is the cause for his declining mental state; suffering from (ironically) delusions and symptoms of psychosis.
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