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heart-of-the-morningstar · 3 months

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Alr hear me out, the service top lucifer with a very insecure reading. (Fem or GN) like he has to coax the reader to like open up (God damn I'm blushing thinking abt it-). Maybe even having to like talk them into even taking thier clothes off. Just a little idea stuck in my head.

Thank you very muchly.

Ooooooohh you’re giving me IDEAS (tbh I’d be the same boat)

~~~~

✨Opening Up✨

Lucifer x f!reader

Warnings: 18+, smut, nipple play, pet names, oral (m & f receiving), p in v, service top!Lucifer

It has become evident that I am unable to write anything concise 😅

I’M SORRY THIS TOOK SO LONG I MEANT TO POST THIS DAYS AGO 😭😭

Tag list: @trashbin-nie

@yellowsubiesdance

@j-jinxee

@stevensdickrider

@airwolf92

@mrssabinecallas

@myhornybrainonlyknowsthis

@bee-sinner

@thesoccerenthusiast

@katshyperfixations

@logybearsblog

@bigfatbimbo

You sat upright on Lucifer’s king sized bed, the King of Hell straddling your lap. You don't know how you even ended up in this position, not on this bed necessarily, but how you ended up as Lucifer's beloved. You believed in your heart that you did not deserve him, but time and time again Lucifer has showered you with praise and adoration like no one ever had before. He was perfect. And you were...you. It didn't make sense.

Regardless, that didn't stop him from holding your face tenderly in his hands while he kissed you with a fiery passion. You were self conscious about being so vocal around him during intimacy, but he made it his mission to elicit as many moans and whines from you as possible. Slowly, he reached down to the hem of your sleep shirt, grabbing a fistful of fabric. Your eyes popped open, your mind racing. You pulled away from his lips and went to grab his wrist that held your clothing.

"I-I'm sorry, love," he apologized, releasing your shirt immediately. You sighed and let go of the grip you had on his hand. "I didn't mean to scare you, I should have asked. Please forgive me."

"No, no," you breathed, "it's alright. I'm not upset, I just panicked. I'm sorry."

Lucifer pressed his lips to your forehead and planted a small kiss. "Please don't ever think you need to apologize to me for how you feel, sweetheart."

"O-Ok," you stuttered.

"Do you want to stop?," Lucifer asked. You could hear the genuine concern in his voice. Hard as it was to believe, he cared about you more than anything.

You shook your head. "No."

"You're sure?," Lucifer questioned further, "because if you're uncomfortable, we can-"

You cut him of mid-sentence with a quick peck to his lips. He smiled bashfully, a cute blush spreading across his face. "Believe me, Luci, I want this. I mean I really want this, but..." you found it difficult to articulate what you wanted to say.

"Well, if that's the case darling, what if I go first then?," Lucifer proposed. You cocked your head, unsure of what he was talking about. He reached up and began to unbutton his shirt, starting from the top and working his way down. Oh...OH.

Your face instantly feels hotter and your breathing becomes staggered. You tried to say something, but the words caught in your throat. Your mouth had never felt drier. He finally reached the last button of his shirt and you finally see some of his chest. You could almost feel your brain short circuiting.

"Do you wanna do the honors, my dear?," he asked playfully. You gulped as your hands reached towards his shoulders. Gingerly, you slid his sleeves down each arm, slowly revealing more and more skin to you. Once his shirt was completely removed, you couldn’t help but stare. His chest was so smooth and toned, almost like it had been sculpted. “Like what you see?” Lucifer questioned coyly, noticing your unwavering expression of awe.

"W-Well that's hardly fair," you whispered, finally finding your voice, "you're an actual angel. Of course you're going to be gorgeous, I-" you slapped your hand over your mouth once you realized what you had said. "Please pretend you didn't hear that!," you begged through your hand.

Lucifer's face was flushed pink, he could help but smile. He chuckled as he went to remove your hand from your face. "Is that what you really think about me, sweetheart? I'm truly flattered to hear that coming from someone as exquisite as you."

"You...You really think..." you started to say but couldn't finish. Tears began to well up in your eyes, you tried to rub them away before Lucifer could see but it was too late. Lucifer cupped your face and ran his thumbs under your eyes to clear away the tears that had fallen. Your breath hitched, you tried to take in deep heavy breaths so you wouldn't start sobbing.

“Hey, hey, hey, shhhhh,” he spoke with a soothing tone. He removed himself from your lap and sat down next to you, embracing you in his arms. “It’s okay, angel, it’s ok. I upset you and I’m sorry, I never want to be the reason you cry.” He rested his head on top of yours while you clung to his chest. The scent of him hit your nostrils, it was like breathing in a warm spring day. Purely intoxicating. It calmed you down, you started to breathe normally again. You felt safe in his arms, you could have stayed there for the rest of your life.

You wrapped your arms around his torso, your tears finally drying. “Thank you, Lucifer,” you murmured. He gave you a tight squeeze before you lifted yourself back up, sitting at his hip and leaving your head on his shoulder. “You weren’t the reason I was sad, you know? You never have been.”

Lucifer turned his head to you, “Really? Then why-?”

“Because I’m afraid,” you quickly responded. “I’m afraid that I’m not good enough for you. That I never will be. You’re the all mighty Lucifer, King of Hell. You have so much strength and power and respect. And I’m…I’m just me.” You sighed and pulled your legs up to your chest to rest your head on your knees. “I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have-”

“Darling?,” Lucifer spoke at last. He brought himself in front of you on all fours and placed his hand under your chin, forcing you to look at him in his scarlet eyes. “ “Just you” is perfect. You don’t need to be anything but yourself! I understand what you’re feeling, and it’s okay to express that. But please know that I love you just the way you are. You are my true strength.”

You chuckled softly, leaning into his hand that was now pressed against your cheek. You took his words to heart; he loved you. He loved you so much. You had to show him that you felt the same way. You drew in a few quick and deep breaths before reaching for the hem of your sleep shirt.

“Wait, wait, what are you-” Lucifer tried to say, but you were too fast. Your shirt disappeared from your body and was tossed across the room. Silence filled the space, the only thing you could hear was your heart threatening to burst through your chest.

It was at that moment you noticed you couldn’t see Lucifer’s face. His hands had flown up to block his view of you.

“Lucifer?” you called to him.

“Y-You didn’t have to do that, love,” he stuttered. “I never wanted you to feel that you had to-”

“Please look at me, Luci,” you pleaded. “I love you. And I trust you. Let me show you. Please.”

You saw Lucifer’s hands slowly fall away from his hands, his eyes still screwed shut. “Are you sure?” he asked softly.

You leaned in to plant a kiss on his soft lip. Lucifer’s eyes shot open in surprise, you pulled away before he had a chance to react. Blood rushed to your cheeks when you saw him staring at you. Your first instinct was to cover yourself and shy away, but you pushed those feelings deep down. You were going to be vulnerable, you needed to be brave. Not just for him, but for yourself. You gripped the bed sheets so hard that you felt your nails digging into your skin through the silk.

After what seemed like an eternity, Lucifer had snapped out of his trance. He started to crawl towards you on his hands and knees, only stopping when his lips were inches away from your own. You felt his hot breath on you, you were finding it more and more difficult to keep your composure.

“You…are breathtaking,” he cooed, crashing his lips into yours hungrily. His tongue begged for entrance to your mouth, and you happily allowed it. You felt yourself slowly drifting down onto your back as you and Lucifer desperately devoured each other. He pulled away from your lips, trying to catch his breath, but you noticed he wasn’t looking into your eyes. His attention had drifted a little further down. He swallowed hard.

“May I?,” Lucifer asked breathlessly. Your face felt extremely hot and you couldn’t find the power to speak, so instead you nodded your head vigorously. He gave you a cheeky grin before lowering his mouth down onto one of your nipples. The noise you made sounded more high pitched than you meant it, but God, did it feel amazing! His tongue worked one nipple as his hand played with the other. You loved the sensation of him sucking and licking at your sensitive skin, the tiny bites from his teeth driving you insane. He rolled your other nipple between his two fingers, the pinches he gave sent your brain into overdrive. You never knew how sensitive you were, but Lucifer was more than happy to service you.

All of a sudden you noticed a different sensation, you felt something press against your inner thigh, dangerously close to your clothed pussy. It took your brain a few seconds to realize what was happening.

“Uhh, Lucifer, a-are you…”, you mumbled. Lucifer looked up from your chest with a puzzled face. “I can feel umm, I-I can feel your uhh…”, you didn’t know why you couldn’t say it. Maybe you were too embarrassed, which seemed silly considering what position you found yourself in. You pointed down towards your pants where Lucifer was wedged.

“Oh…OH,” Lucifer exclaimed pushing himself from you and onto his knees. “Oh my gosh, I-I’m so sorry! I didn’t realize you could uhh, feel that…please forgive me!”

Seeing him so flustered somehow calmed some of the nerves you had before. It was cute, really. Demon overlord Lucifer getting embarrassed about unintentionally pushing his hard on against your thigh. You let out a small giggle.

"It's alright, Luci," you chuckled. "I'm flattered, really!"

Lucifer smiled, placing his hand behind him to rub the back of his neck. "I'm still sorry about that, love. I'm a little embarrassed."

“Well,” you breathed, “I guess it’s only fair that I embarrass myself too then, right?” Without warning, you grabbed the waistband of your pants and ripped them off along with your panties in one fell swoop. You laid naked in front of Lucifer, whose whole face had turned a shade of red you’ve never seen before.

“Ffffuck,” was all Lucifer could muster. You watched his Adam’s apple rise and fall, attempting to regain his thoughts. Looking at you, it was plain to see how soaked you were.

“Like what you see?,” you teased. Lucifer nodded his head eagerly, still at a loss for words. You lifted your hand and curled your finger, beckoning him to you. Obediently, Lucifer crawled on the bed towards you with no reservations. “You’re not the only one that’s worked up here. Now we’re even.”

“My love, please…” Lucifer whined, “please let me taste you.”

"Don't you...wanna get more comfortable first?," you asked him, knowing the problem in his pants had probably only gotten worse for him.

"Not until I've had my fill of you, sweetheart," he smiled before forcing his head between your legs. The moan you let out was guttural, almost feral, he lapped your folds like a starving man. He took long, drawn out licks up your slit before focusing on your clit. His lips kissed and sucked on your sensitive nub, sending waves of pleasure throughout you entire body. You couldn't pull away if you tried, he had wrapped his arms under your legs so you couldn't escape his assault on your cunt.

"Sh-shit, oh-oh my God Lucifer, FUCK," you moaned. You could feel a smile form on his face as this seemed to have made him pick up the pace. You screamed from his tongue darting in and out of you, feeling so close to snapping. Your thighs started to fold in on his head and you grabbed a fistful of his hair trying to regain some assemblance of control. “Fuckfuckfuck, mmmm…gonna c-cum, aaggghh, gonnacumgonnacum!” Lucifer’s tongue relentlessly circling your clit finally caused your body to spasm, your orgasm causing you to scream out in pleasure. Lucifer didn’t stop though, he let you ride out your orgasm and hungrily devoured your release. Once you finally came down from your high, Lucifer lifted his face from between your legs and flashed you a toothy grin, seemingly quite proud of his work.

“You alright, darling?,” he asked innocently, almost pretending like he wasn’t the cause of what you had just experienced.

“Y-yeah, I’m…I’m fine,” you breathed. “Just…Jesus, that was intense! Give me a little warning before you go all in on me like that again!”

Lucifer laughed. “I’m sorry, love, I couldn’t help myself.”

You rolled your eyes at him playfully. “Oh, I’m sure you couldn’t. Now, let’s get these off you, hmm?,” you said tugging at his pants.

Lucifer stood up from the bed quickly. He undid his belt and let his pants drop to the floor. From the outlines of his briefs, you were surprised that they could contain him at all. Before he could pull at the hem, you jumped off the bed to stop him.

“Allow me,” you offered, getting on your knees in front of him. You reached up and grabbed onto his briefs, snaking them down his legs. His cock sprang free of its cage and hung in front of your face, its tip already leaking. Without thinking, your wrapped your lips around the head of his cock. Lucifer let out a moan that you’ve never heard before, filled with absolute lust and need. You took one of your hands and grabbed the base of his shaft, slowly stroking up and down while your mouth continued to work on his head. You ran small licks against the slit, tasting and lapping all of the precum that was forming. You loved the taste of him.

“Love…f-fuck,” Lucifer panted, trying to fight through his moans, “if you don’t s-stop now, I-I’m gonna cum. I wanna…wanna feel you. P-Please…”

Reluctantly, you pulled your mouth away from his cock with a *pop*, pouting slightly. Lucifer leaned down to grab your torso and tossed you onto the bed like you were made of paper mache. That angelic strength of his always caught you off guard. Lucifer crept between your legs, planting a tender kiss on your lips.

“I promise,” he whispered against your lips, “next time you can finish what you started, but right now I need you. Need to feel you.” Lucifer brought his fingers to your needy cunt, feeling the slickness of your folds. Your breath caught in your throat at the sensation. He took his other hand and lined up the tip of his cock to your entrance. “Are you ready, my angel?,” he asked softly.

You grinned and nodded your head. With that, Lucifer closed the space between you once more with a fiery kiss as his cock entered you inch by inch. Your cries mixed with his as he finally entered you completely.

“You feel…amazing, darling, fuck…” Lucifer choked out. “Are you okay?”

“Yes,” you murmured, “I-I’m okay. You can move.”

“Anything for you,” he smiled. Lucifer slowly began to rock his hips into you, his cock filling you up completely with each thrust. You could feel every inch of him ruining your pussy, hitting just the right spot every time. It didn’t take long for his pace to become erratic and uneven. He buried his cock deep inside you, both of your moans filling the room.

“Lu-Lucifer, o-oh shit, Lucifer, I-I’m so close,” you pleaded. “Please don’t stop, p-please don’t.”

“Cum for me, darling. Wanna feel you cum.” Lucifer groaned. He bit down on your should as he continued to pound into you, biting and sucking your tender skin. You were shaking, he was going too fast, you were coming undone.

“Cuminme…FUCKCUMINME,” you screamed and wrapped your legs around him as your orgasm flooded over you. You felt your walls pulsating around his cock, it was too much for Lucifer to handle. You heard him cry out and felt him twitch inside you, filling you up with his hot cum.

Coming down from your highs, you both laid there for a moment trying to catch your breath. You played with Lucifer’s hair as he laid across your chest, completely worn out. A minute or two passed before Lucifer sat up and pulled himself out of you. He laid down next to you, staring at your flushed face.

“Are you alright?,” he asked. “Did I hurt you at all?”

“No, you didn’t hurt me,” you smiled. “That felt…really good. Thank you, for everything.”

Lucifer hummed and leaned up to press a gentle kiss to your lips. “No, thank you, love.”

You chuckled returning the kiss. “Would…you mind if I held you, Luci?”

Lucifer’s eyes widened, but he smiled wide. “Of course not, I’d love nothing more.”

Lucifer rolled on his side, giving you the chance to push your body against his back and wrap your arms around him. You both didn’t move until the morning.

~~~~

Hope you enjoyed my second attempt at NSFW content lmaooooo

AND YEAH I MADE HIM THE LITTLE SPOON, IT’S WHAT HE WOULD WANT

#hazbin hotel #hazbin hotel x reader #hazbin hotel smut #lucifer morningstar #lucifer smut #lucifer x reader #lucifer morningstar x reader #writing prompt #my writing #this was meant to be a cute short thing but i can never stop myself lmao #my signature is just posting goofy faces of Lucifer to remind everyone this is who we’re thirsting over

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piplupod · 2 years

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#lake posts #one thing that's extremely frustrating with having this disorder (not autism or adhd) is that like. it makes everything difficult to plan #also people will think you're avoiding something or ignoring them but really... you can't respond in a timely manner sometimes #like juno posted that thing about veganism and it sparked a whole convo in a server we're in #and then we had to go grocery shopping and i switched in. and now they're just. not available lol #like i'm glad they're resting finally but god.#it's awkward especially when they post something a little ... discoursey #and then theres a chance that they'll just disappear and i'll be like ''uh yeah i ... have no interest in this convo''#and it's not that we're avoiding it! i just dont want to get into that sort of thing - thats kam and juno's point of interest not mine #and then I worry that people will think juno's dodging the discussion but theyre genuinely not! they are just.. unconscious and unreachable #(this is mostly a ''hello juno will get back to you soon'' to the one person who responded to their post on here LOL sorry)#(if smth truly discoursey came up and people were angry or upset (this did not happen today) then i would handle it)#(but this is just like... a convo juno genuinely wanted to be a part of but now they're unconscious so RIP)#(hopefully people will still be interested in talking abt it w them when theyre available again)#anyways. this is a silly worry of mine I think LOL. mostly just frustrated because now I have to do things that i was not prepped for #like i was just supposed to get the groceries and that's it. now i'm stuck LOL #it'll be fine though! I just wasn't prepared for it mentally. but i can do the things well enough #its mostly cleaning anyways and I'm good at that LMFAO

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baeddel · 9 months

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long post abt accessability in games, DMC3, DS1, and control schemes

games like God of War or Devil May Cry can be inaccessible because they have inputs which require button mashing, which is difficult for someone with arhritis or other problems that affect their hands and wrists. but these inputs are generally not required to beat the game; you have a lot of options, so you can just avoid using any move that's too difficult. the main issue is that these games become more demanding the further into the game you want to go; keeping a combo going in DMC requires a very high apm and use of the entire controller, so a person with a motor disability will hit a wall eventually.

this is a design problem which i think is difficult to analyze. DMC starts from a very unique design—it has a huge number of moves, almost all of which are accessible out of neutral rather than hidden at the end of an attack string—which it has to pay for by using a large number of unique inputs (forward + attack, back + attack, forward then back + attack, hold shoot to charge, hold devil trigger to charge [charges can be buffered]). it introduces a lot of complexity, but it's actually less complexity right away than other action games; instead of having to memorize a long list of complicated strings (cf. Bayonetta's Punch, Punch, Kick, Kick, pause, Kick, which is different from Punch, Punch, Punch, Kick, Kick, pause, Punch [click]—have fun with those!), you can learn attack, shoot, devil trigger, then forward attack, hold shoot... etc., one at a time, and mix them into your play and find out when they're good. its combo system is not just complex but also discoverable; players can try out how its different pieces fit together without opening the movelist.

but once a player already knows all the moves, the game starts to ask more and more out of them. not only do you want to use all of the inputs one after the other very fast (try jump cancelling Beowulf's Killer Bee into another Killer Bee for the first time—pretty tough, right? and all you're pressing there is X and △! the inputs get harder!), but since your charge moves can be buffered, you also want to hold O and L1 to charge your shot and devil trigger for when you might need them, and you might also want to lock-on by holding R1. when watching a really good player playing with an input viewer it's not uncommon to see every single button on the controller light up at the same time. doing that stuff is really fucking hard.

so far we don't have any problems; it's a picture perfect picture of a system that's 'easy to use, hard to master,' right? but because the thing thats hard to do in this case is input a lot of buttons at once on a physical controller, we've just frozen out any players with hand/wrist problems or motor issues from high level play, at least without adapting the game somehow. this is a problem that's difficult to predict, difficult to foresee, and difficult to design around; i don't see how you could fix it without making DMC a completely different game than what it is.

so if you started from the premise of designing a game that was accesisble to people with hand/wrist and motor issues (including suckers like me who played a bunch of high apm games like DMC and Runescape and fucked up their wrist), you'd have to come up with something pretty different at a very fundamental level.

this is why Dark Souls is, in a lot of ways, a VERY ACCESSABLE action game. what do i mean? its control scheme is extremely simple. once you press every button on the controller you've learned everything you're going to learn about it (apart from one very non-obvious hard-coded universal cancel, but don't worry about it). all you have to do is dodge or block the other's guys attack and then hit him with yours.

there's a lot of ways that DeS/DS1 approached the action genre differnetly to other games, but right now i'm only going to highlight one: the kind of 'questions' DS is asking its player. if you think about DMC, what is DMC trying to get the player to do? while you can beat the game with one or two simple combos, the system is obviously made in a way that encourages freedom and flexibility, and the game has systems to reward long, varied combos (the 'style' rating). and that's all it wants you to do (apart from in a couple of levels where they want you to do platforming—ugh!). to accomplish this, they lock you in a room with some enemies and only let you out when you beat them all.

in Demon's Souls the main thing they want you to do is navigate complicated dungeons that are full of traps; some levels have mazes in them, and lots of traps kill you instantly. it's similar to Kings Field, which its a spiritual successor to, but it's also similar to other early 3d RPGs: Deathtrap Dungeon, Die by the Sword, Dungeon Lords... (in one interview Miyazaki said part of his job was to play a bunch of 'open world RPGs' for research, and i imagine that included some of these old, weird games; the first dungeon in Dungeon Lords has a rafter-walking section with projectile-shooting enemies, chain-pulley mechanical elevators and highly damage-resistant slimes). they also want you to kill enemies. but the game never forces you to kill these enemies; you're never locked in a room until you kill all the enemies, and enemies never have items that are necessary to progress in the level. enemies are just one obstacle among others. consequently, enemy encounters are designed in a certain way that makes avoiding them difficult and approaching them complex. an enemy that throws firebombs will stand at the top of a long, narrow staircase, forcing you to dodge them on the way up; two enemies will stand behind a doorway and, if you run in blindly, will both attack you from behind. things like that. it was hard to avoid enemy encounters in Demon's Souls because the levels involved suffocatingly narrow corridors and the enemies followed you forever. but it was possible and sometimes desirable. in DS1 running by enemies is often preferable and, with foreknowledge of the level, always possible. it's also a lot easier as enemies don't follow you very far anymore (this change was patched into the game after release).

running and jumping both consume stamina, as do dodging, blocking, and attacking. getting hit costs hitpoints, and falling off a ledge costs all your hitpoints. both aspects of the game (navigation and combat) use all of the same resources, and engaging in combat is generally one of a few options the player has to navigate an area. it is, a lot of the time, by far the easiest option, but most players will find a few areas that they hate enough to always run through. one of the messages players can leave to each other is 'try dashing through.' the game rewards you for killing enemies by giving you souls and loot drops, but it also punishes you for making mistakes by leaving you down on resources—less health, fewer estus, and fewer spellcasts—so the best thing to do at any given time is difficult to analyze.

the questions DS is asking its players, therefore, is to familiarize themselves with the level, come up with a plan, conserve their own resources and make it out with the loot. at lower levels of play the game is mostly about succeeding at lots of combats and navigating lots of traps over a long distance without making too many small mistakes. then, at high levels of play, the gameplay is mostly about movement, exploiting the game's verticality and taking advantage of holes in the enemy placement. but the change from low to high levels of play mostly takes place in the mind of the player, not their hands; they understand the levels better, they are better able to respond to things which were previously unpredictable to them, and they have more confidence in their ability to do what is needed of them.

so our game not only starts off very accessible to players with hand/wrist or motor problems, but it finishes there too. although, i've gone a little too far: the player's hands will change a bit as they improve at the game. like Monster Hunter, the best way to play Dark Souls is to have a claw grip in both hands; the thumbs should operate the analogue sticks, the index finger should operate the d-pad (for toggle escales, the universal cancel i mentioned, as well as changing spells) and the face buttons (for rolling, using items, interacting with doors and items), and the remaining digits manipulating the shoulders/triggers (for attacks, blocks and parries). while running, you want to hold L1 (block) so you can roll (circle) out of a run without jumping. this might be hard for you depending on your condition, but i don't think it's that much worse than holding a controller the regular way.

anyway, the point is this: you might want to think about making your game accessible not just to the general player with disabilities, but to the 'hardcore' player with disabilities. do you want disabled people to not only beat your game, but be really good at it? how would you design systems to accomodate that? i've talked about hand/wrist and motor issues here because it's what i was thinking about (and some games, like Runescape, aren't really accessible to me anymore thanks to my wrists, at least in the way i used to play them), but there are other disabilities you could probably design around. imagine a player who has CFS or ADHD in a way that keeps them from practicing consistently; could you make a game that is rewarding for such a player to try and get really good at nonetheless? Runescape (conceived of competitively, ie. racing to the leaderboard &c) was good for players with certain kinds of disabilities and neurotypes since it required a huge amount of time and dedication, it really rewarded being unemployed, LOL. but what if there was a game that somehow rewarded inconsistency? who knows...

anyway, i'm saying how i tend to think about it as a rebuttal to the way i see most people talk about accessibility in games, which is merely playing games. thus Dark Souls can be criticized for being difficult for a new player to complete, for example. but this always struck me as a bewildering way to talk about games. plenty of disabled people don't just want to complete games, they want to be good at them. and disabled people can and do become good at games and compete and win at them. so the question for me is not so much 'how do i make a game someone with this disability could play?' but 'how do i make a game someone with this disability would want to master?'—a game which doesn't create headaches for them, which works with rather than against them, and which they actually enjoy at all levels of play.

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elleloquently · 1 year

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invisible string [7] : ellie williams

part six

| college!ellie x female!reader - after suffering several rewrites, part seven is finally here! a huge thank you to everyone who has been so patient and supportive <3 also, i know it's typical to post the tag list at the top but there were quite a few people so it's at the bottom instead, sorry abt that! this part is a lil different so im kinda nervous hahahaha

| c/w - anxiety

your body carried you down the familiar path to class, but your mind felt absent.

you got there early, habit, but paced around in the cold until the very last minute. you knew ellie would be there, her habit - apparently, sitting and waiting in the seat next to yours and you felt unable to face her.

either you didn't truly know why you felt that way, or you were clinging onto the last dwindling thread of delusion that your mind allowed.

you liked ellie. you really liked ellie. and ellie... 'liked' you... too?

the minutes ticked by quicker than you could gather your thoughts and you made a break for the classroom, your fingers turned red from clutching onto your cold drink so tightly.

you were preoccupied and you had hardly even drank any of it. you frowned at your useless purchase. the ice was melting and the sight looked off-putting, but your stomach was hurting too much anyway to try and make it worthwhile with one last sip.

your idea to throw it away upon entering the classroom was short lived, as the professor was standing in the front of the room and you didn't want to cross the front to throw away your practically full beverage.

it sloshed in the cup and you winced, imagining your own stomach as it twisted.

ellie glanced up as you came around to your seat and the crease on her forehead disappeared immediately as her eyes landed on you. the idea of keeping a secret made you feel dirty, but you weren't sure if you were even actually keeping one.

"was worried you weren't coming or something," ellie muttered, glancing over as you claimed your spot next to her.

you smiled but didn't meet her eyes. the feeling of your heartbeat pounding in your ears was overwhelming.

"are you okay?" ellie asked, her voice a low whisper as she studied your expression.

you tried to focus instead on your notebook and laptop. you didn't want to be rude and you definitely found it difficult to resist ellie when she was staring at you like that, but you needed to clear your head. the idea of clearing your head sounded ridiculous though, and you thought maybe you hadn't had a clear head since the first day that ellie decided to speak to you in class.

ellie tapped her pen on your desk and you jumped, realizing too many seconds had gone by and you still didn't answer her question.

"i'm good. just stressed, i think," you responded, not totally lying but not completely telling the truth, either.

you hoped your answer was enough to hold ellie over at least until class was finished, your professor seemed grumpy lately and you didn't want to subject yourself to an in-class call out.

ellie sighed and sank down in her chair, physically pulling away from you. your heart ached while you watched, suddenly wanting to tell her everything. a frown was etched onto her lips and you wanted to swipe it away.

throughout class, you spent more time watching ellie take notes than taking notes of your own. halfway through it seemed as though ellie gave up too, because she started doodling over her written words. you glanced over often, not trying to be sneaky because you didn't particularly mind if ellie caught you. if she did catch you, she would only grin and carry on anyway.

the ice melted quicker in the warm classroom, the condensation relentless and a small pool was beginning to form around the bottom of your cup. you quickly wiped it away with your sleeve, face burning. the patheticness of the remaining drink was taunting, beads of water slipping and threatened to dampen the corner of your notes.

it felt like a token of your anxiety, the way you couldn't stop it.

ellie had been watching but you didn't notice, until a very pointed "dude" left her mouth. you turned to face her, pausing the action of wiping off the cup with your sleeve over your hand,

"are you done with that?" ellie asked, to which you nodded weakly.

"you don't want it anymore?" she rephrased, wanting to be sure with confirmation.

"i do not want it," you whispered back, setting your eyes on the drink that's caused you too much trouble in such a short amount of time. you glared at it and ellie raised an eyebrow, trying not to smile. she reached her arm out, and it took you just a moment to understand what she wanted.

you handed ellie the cup, not really seeing the appeal in the drink anymore but decided there was no harm if ellie wanted it. instead, she surprised you by standing up from her chair, drink in hand. she swiftly and quietly moved to the front of the room, throwing it away and returning to her spot without a word.

oh. problem solved.

the evidence from your moment with dina and jesse, gone.

ellie didn't give it a second thought, but you replayed it in your mind over and over until the lecture was finished.

“so, should we hit the dining hall or do you wanna just go back to my dorm?”

ellie posed the question with such a casual confidence that it caught you off guard, the pen you were putting away nearly slipping through your fingers.

“oh,” you winced, and immediately knew how bad your reaction was.

“oh,” ellie copied with a dry laugh. “it’s okay, we don’t have to do anything.”

“no,” you quickly rushed out, not wanting to make her feel bad but you did have another class. “it’s just, homework.” you tried to explain.

“it’s okay,” ellie repeated, fidgeting with her hands.

“i’m sorry…” you smiled sadly, unsure if you should hold eye contact or keep packing up. ellie looked away, straightening her shoulders as she hoisted up her bag. you copied her action, guilt filling up inside of you.

you felt conflicted but were left with no choice, unable to soothe your guilty conscious.

ellie quickly recovered however, and an easy smile graced her lips as she bid you a goodbye.

“okay, I guess i’ll go back to my room alone,” she complained, giving you a pointed look.

you pushed out a laugh, amused by ellie’s tone but you felt defeated.

"i'd come with you if i could," you said honestly.

ellie dropped her exaggerated expression and met your eyes. "i know," she said.

your heart jumped and you had to leave, before weeks worth of confessions left the tip of your tongue. "text me, okay?" you said, trying really hard to force your voice not to wobble.

"always," ellie replied, raising her hand to wave bye as you finally parted ways.

*:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧

you didn’t mean to ignore ellie.

with finals only a week away, it wasn't exactly easy to find agreeable times to hang out, no matter how badly you wanted it.

you had felt bad, regretfully declining when ellie asked you to hang out after your shared class. the burden of homework was holding you tightly in its grasp... though you would've had no problem doing homework with ellie.

you did have homework. it was just after your class. the class that ellie had no idea of you having, since you had originally told her that you were free that hour simply because you wanted to have lunch with her. you certainly didn't regret that day, but you felt a little awkward about the idea of finally coming clean now.

so, you told ellie that you had too much homework, and tried to ignore the dejected face that ellie failed to mask at your response.

you hadn't told her about your run in with her friends, either. if dina and jesse wanted ellie to know that you had run into them, they could tell her. you hardly knew them, anyway. the idea of making them a conversation topic felt strange.

that was monday, when you completely blew off ellie except not really because you seriously had a class so you aren't sure why you feel as though you've transformed into a total liar.

you had texted since then, just a little, unable to sense the difference between friendly friend texts and friendly flirty texts.

someone that ellie likes.

someone that ellie likes likes likes someone that ellie likes ellie likes-

you reached for your phone on your bed, forcibly silencing your inner monologue.

hey, are you still free to hang out today?|

you stared blankly down at your screen before rapidly deleting the drafted text, letter by letter.

hey ): i don't think i'm gonna be free to hang out today|

you squinted at the screen until the words looked fuzzy. when you opened your eyes normally again, the text didn't look any more appealing. you huffed and deleted that one too, tossing your phone as far away as you could without dropping it off of the end of your bed.

you had said no to ellie last. she was probably waiting on you to make the next move... how would she feel if you just... didn't?

unless she was totally normal, going about her day and being busy and most definitely not waiting to hear from you.

someone that ellie likes.

yeah, that's... normal. right? right?

you decided that maybe you needed to study a little harder in your psychology class, because you couldn't decipher whether or not it was a logical thing to get caught up on or if you were just going totally crazy. running yourself delusional? likely.

being around ellie and pining after her felt much more appealing when there wasn't a possibility that she could like you back.

you desperately wished to backtrack but yet, there wasn't really much that changed, was there? just one silly little sentence... one that you were probably misinterpreting anyway.

the thought kept you busy on tuesday, though for once you were able to throw yourself into your studies as a distraction instead of being distracted away from your studies. you didn't reach out to ellie, and no new messages came. you didn't hang out that day.

wednesday was your last actual day of class, the last class before finals began.

it quickly dawned on you that it was your last guaranteed time to see ellie. the idea of not being able to sit next to her in class anymore was all that you needed to adjust your priorities for the time being.

you were determined to be in a good mood, determined to make the most of your 'last' but not really last day with ellie.

while getting ready, you were very much aware of the anxiety picking away at your brain, posing you a million questions that you didn't have the answer to. you compensated by carefully picking out an outfit, taking extra time to prepare for the day to make sure you felt as good as possible. all the while, an aggravating dark cloud loomed above you despite your rejection of it. you smoothed down your top in the mirror, ignoring the way that your hands were shaking.

it seems to be a case where every time you are specifically set on having a good day, you end up having one of your worst days.

by the time you left for class, your stomach was hurting. it wasn't a new sensation, the way the uneasiness built up and felt as though it was pricking away at your insides... but it wasn't on par with your idea of a good day.

the wind felt overstimulating and perhaps your last straw was when you were walking behind someone to get into the building, and you know for a fact that they saw you because you made eye contact, but they didn't hold the door open for you and it nearly slammed in your face.

you felt like a laughable character, the way that tears welled up in your eyes as defeat swallowed your previous optimistic determination.

face hot and rapidly blinking, maybe your final final straw was ellie, who was already sat and almost immediately raised her eyes to look as you entered the classroom.

"no melty drink today?" she questioned teasingly, though dropped her tone as concern washed over her once realizing your state.

"what's wrong?" she quickly replaced, leaning into you so her voice could be hushed.

you could've laughed at her question and you nearly did, because sincerely, what was even wrong? you couldn't think of one valid explanation on the spot, and the real reason was enough to bring back the tears that you had desperately wiped away outside of the door.

but it was ellie, so you spoke anyway.

"just wanted to have a good day," you admitted, instantly hating how pathetic your voice sounded.

"and it's not a good day?"

you shook your head, finding yourself wanting to confide in her about everything. you should've hung out with her yesterday.

"wanna come over after class? talk about it? make it better?"

ellie presented the offer so casually, so immediately that it almost made you feel worse. you wanted to say yes.

"i can't," you forced, and ellie's eyebrows knitted together.

"that's okay," ellie said, but it came out a little too quickly.

you didn't want it to be okay. you wanted her to be annoyed or upset that you hadn't been hanging out with her and the worst part was that it seemed like she did feel that way, maybe deep down, but she wasn't openly expressing it whatsoever.

you frowned and it was difficult to find any mental footing with rational thought. you were not entitled to her greater emotions simply because she liked you. as a friend.

"is it okay?" you questioned, a little too sharp and it was embarrassing.

"yes...?" ellie's eyes darted over your face in confusion.

"sorry," you breathed, forcing a reality check. "i just... feel bad."

"don't you always?" ellie retorted, and it wasn't supposed to hurt but it did.

"what?" you were taken aback and ellie focused elsewhere, no longer looking at you.

"nothing. you just... you say you feel bad when we hang out but now you're saying you feel bad if we don't."

her response made you furrow your eyebrows but you really wanted to crawl in-word, not realizing how strongly ellie had picked up on your habit of feeling.

"yeah, 'cause i-" you started, but ellie shook her head.

"it's fine. you don't have to make up an excuse or... really. don't feel bad."

it's not that easy.

ellie smiled but you wished that she didn't because it was obvious that it was forced. the reaction made you wonder if there was something going on with ellie too, or if you were just actually bothering her.

you opened your mouth to speak but your professor initiated the start of class, review questions instantly rolling in. ellie sat hunched over her notebook, which sparked an idea.

you leaned over and began rummaging through your bag until you felt a small pad of paper in your grasp. you stole ellie's pen from her desk and she watched but pretended not to care.

on a blue sticky note, you drew something simple. a little doodle of a planet like you had done before, and a couple of stars. you felt silly and a little bit stupid but you pressed the post it onto ellie's desk, along with her pen.

you could see ellie contemplate whether or not she should show that she noticed it, and you had to press the back of your hand to your mouth so that you didn't release a laugh. you didn't watch her and decided to instead focus on your review, giving ellie 'space' to decide what she wanted to do.

a few minutes ticked away until the little blue square and pen reappeared on your desk. ellie's addition included her own planet, and a few stars mixed in with yours. you felt better, more capable, and raised your eyes to look at her.

ellie didn't have the time to pretend like she wasn't watching you. your lips slipped into a smile that ellie matched, leaving you to feel okay enough to focus on the review without worrying.

at the dismissal of class, you felt strangely sentimental. you packed up quickly so you could leave at the same time as ellie but she was hesitating at her desk, waiting for you.

"can i keep it?" she asked, glancing to the sticky note that you held delicately in your hand. it was sweet and you automatically handed it over, wondering if she was going to put that one on her wall too. you hoped that she would.

"are you going back to your room?" you questioned softly. ellie held the door open for you as you left the classroom.

"yeah," she answered with a heavy sigh.

you had a bit of time before your next class, about an hour to try and turn your situation around.

"ellie?" you started, walking shoulder to shoulder throughout the hallway. she looked at you in concern, eyebrows drawing together in anticipation.

"i wasn't making up excuses. i do feel bad if i can't hang out because... because i do like hanging out, so-"

"it's alright," ellie interrupted, though her voice was softer than before.

you nodded and carefully continued on. "i don't mean to always feel bad, i swear. it just... happens. and then i feel bad for feeling bad and it's just so...ridiculous. do i sound ridiculous?" you conclude with a frustrated laugh.

"maybe a little," ellie contemplated, but you could tell that she was teasing again by the way that she moved her head, as if she's mentally debating with herself. "but i get it. seriously, you're fine. i like hanging out with you too so you don't... have to worry."

she tentatively reassured you and joked instead of outwardly apologizing, and you wondered where she got that from. you're grateful anyway and relieved, but roll your eyes playfully at her sincerity. inward, your stomach is doing flips.

like like like.

that word is being used entirely too much lately.

"i ran into your friends the other day," you mention, hoping that it sounded casually enough. "dina and jesse?"

"oh yeah?" ellie laughs, but her hand fidgets with her sleeve.

"they seem really nice... it's lucky, to have friends like that, you know?"

ellie nodded, smiling knowingly. it felt like a safe topic, so you continued on.

"i didn't know if they mentioned it... i'm sure they were just being polite but they invited me to lunch. it was just nice of them to offer anyway... said it was nice to meet someone that you liked, they're friendly. i just hope i didn't seem completely rude, i was sort of running late so i couldn't talk long but... how long have you guys known each other?"

your cheeks grew warm as you rambled so you stopped yourself, looking to ellie instead. the smile had left her face and she stared straight ahead. she looked pale, a white cast replacing the usual pink warmth on her cheeks.

"i'm sorry," you quickly rushed, not knowing what you were apologizing for.

"don't be," ellie stated, but her words were short.

"did i say something...?"

ellie blinked and faced you. "no, you didn't say anything."

you breathed a sigh of relief, but still didn't want to toe a cautious line. it was too much, too quickly, and you weren't good at making things sound casual like ellie usually seemed to be.

"is that all they said?" ellie questioned, and you quickly nodded.

"yeah. yeah, it was short. i had class. it was on monday morning," you clarify.

"oh," ellie realized, as if she had managed to find a missing puzzle piece. "did they say something?" she rephrased, coughing out a laugh.

"it was super quick," you reiterated, but your heart was racing.

"okay. i just thought maybe... you seemed weird on monday. maybe they said something stupid," ellie said, but you could tell she was still thinking it over. maybe that was your sign, really the only clue you needed after all. ellie actually looked stressed though, and you wished that you hadn't brought it up at all.

"weird?" you tried to sound surprised, but you knew exactly what she was referring to and why you had been that way. "not weird... just stressed. i have so much to do, i know you do too," you tried, attempting to smooth over the awkwardness.

"was it because i just assumed we were going to hang out?" ellie mumbled, sounding accusatory yet upset with only herself.

"ellie, no." your palms were beginning to feel too warm but you wrapped them into your sleeves anyway. "i like hanging out with you."

like like like!

you continued, grasping for straws and desperately wishing that dina had never called your name. "i've sorta been spending more time with you than my homework," you laughed carefully. "i like it, don't get me wrong. i just had... you know, school."

ellie nodded but she wasn't listening, not really.

“i didn’t mean to freak you out,” ellie said, her tone slightly defensive.

your jaw dropped in surprise and you felt as though your head was spinning. "what?" you asked, genuinely confused. you weren't sure exactly what illiciated the response, either you actually blindly said something stupid or you were blindly unaware of ellie's feelings.

the conversation was going nowhere, quickly. you were speaking but not listening, both absorbed in your own feelings to the point of ignorance.

"ellie, we're fine," and despite the circumstance you selfishly loved the excuse to let her name roll off of your tongue. you halted to a stop as the hallway came to an end, not truly ready to part ways.

ellie stood still for a moment and you wondered if she was gathering her thoughts until she finally spoke again. "of course we're fine," she concluded. she didn't meet your eyes and you deflated for what felt like the hundredth time that day.

"hey," you started again, another failed attempt to fix the conversation.

"it's okay," ellie breezed past you. "i know you're busy, i'll see you later, alright?"

she didn't give you a second to respond before she was out of the doors and out of the building. you were left standing there, mouth agape and head reeling.

there was too much to confuse, too much to get wrong and you found it difficult to differentiate a good start from a bad end.

you wouldn't get to just see her next class, and it felt like your last opportunity had truly been your last opportunity.

you went to your next class but you weren't really present, not with ellie on your mind and every wrong step that had been taken. it hadn't even been a full confession and it went wrong. maybe you had gotten it all wrong, or maybe you were both dancing around your own feelings, destined to screw it all up.

[ part eight ]

*:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧

tags :

@pinkfillerose @whore-era @lilisvlibrary @elliefilms @whteflwcrs @jasontoddsdreamgirl @icedcold @sarahsmileslikesarahd0esntcare @evanpetersluver @muthafuckingstargirl @pctcr @illicitghosts @mell0w-mushr00m @queen-arya22 @deafelliewilliams @urmyheartshaka @yourfrenchteacher @me-and-your-husband @blairfox04

#ellie williams x reader #ellie williams x female reader #ellie williams x you #ellie williams college au #ellie tlou x reader #ellie williams fanfic #ellie tlou x female reader

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newtdrawz · 6 months

Text

Guys,,, au where like ok

au that takes place after No Way Home where Peter is all alone by himself,, no family no friends and in his crappy apartment. Just him and his spidey suit so he decides (with very little money he could save up) to try and buy and learn an instrument, cuz why not it's not like he's busy with school or friends or movie nights or fake internships that were just covers to hang out in a lab with his father figure,,,

Anyways he gets a guitar and he does his lessons on his cheap little phone and he gets pretty good. He learns a couple songs (one of them being May's favorite song she used to listen to all the time so he plays it everytime he misses her which is a lot)

He eventually gets better and better at it and he tries more difficult songs. One day when he's just messing around with cords he thinks it'll be fun to try and cover a full song, so he does and records it and he, without really thinking abt it, just posts it to whatever social media he had (and he definitely had to make new accounts because of the spell). It accidentally gets really popular and people are requesting songs cuz they like the acoustics of his half empty apartment (lol)

Without really thinking about it he posts more covers and he's actually really having fun with it, he even learns that he's a pretty decent singer too. This also serves as a distraction from the loneliness of his life and all the longing he has for his old friends. Eventually people start asking "do you have any original music?" "Do you have songs that you've written?"

He doesn't really think he's good enough to be writing his own music but after some encouragement he tries it out and people love it. He tries more and more and more and people love it even more and more and more.

Soon he gets a little popular and tries playing for small gigs and things and he does really good. He's starting to be recognized every once in a great great while. He's thriving (still absolutely devastated 24/7 but at least he's having fun 😭)

He plays at one gig and he has a few people who recognize his songs but his eyes land on two specific people in the crowd.

MJ and Ned.

He kinda panics but manages to get through his set pretty decently, it turns out MJ and Ned are kinda fans of his music. After they leave wherever Peter sang at they wonder for the rest of the night why he kept looking over at them with the most devastated look in his eyes.

Basically a musician/celeb au but I over explain it 🫶 does this au defeat the whole purpose of staying on the down low and not bringing attention to himself? Yes. Are there a lot of plot holes to this au? Yes. Do I care? No, cuz it's fun and I like angst

But yeah that's right,, I'm also very annoying about Spider-Man and the mcu lol

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peachdues · 11 months

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Re: bundle of joy - I can't get Sanemi's comment abt how he watched his mom suffer miscarriages at the hand of his father out of my head. What if he saw his mom cry every time she realized she was pregnant again? Like she loved all of her kids, but she knew what their dad would do to them. What if he also helped take care of his mom through her pregnancies and post-partum because his dad never did? I'm just UGH I'm SO SOFT FOR NEMI.

THIS THIS THIS.

Sanemi was the eldest and therefore took on the most responsibility after his mother, and he was a mama’s boy through and through. I think his mother was his single biggest influence. I actually think his early life observing his father’s treatment of his mother plays a huge role in how he approaches Y/N’s pregnancy — and his relationship with her in general.

I imagine that everything he did for Y/N in Bundle of Joy, he learned by helping his mother during her pregnancies. I agree that he probably saw how difficult pregnancy was for his mother (because let’s be real, none of those kids were born from love, and that’s heartbreaking), and has long since promised that if he ever has a child, he will do everything he can for both his kid and their mother. He’s ecstatic at first, but then Y/N says she wants to keep things in the down-low for a bit, and suddenly he’s terrified that he’s done to her what his father did to his mother, and he would rather die than cause her any pain. I think his deepest insecurity is becoming like his father, and while Sanemi can be a hardass and tough, he cannot be anything other than soft for his lover and their children.

I think that after the kid is born (and let’s be real, he is so girl-dad coded), he would take the most parenting inspiration from his mother. Sure, Sanemi is still going to be Sanemi, but both he and Genya idolized their mother. Not only does he love his kid without limit, but I could also see him trying to incorporate her gentle way of parenting, too. He wants his child(ren) to have everything he didn’t when he was growing up, and he will do anything to ensure they get it.

Something that I wish we saw more of in the Sanemi-realm of demon slayer content is more of an understanding of how he treats women in general. I think there’s a tendency to write him along the same lines of how Obanai treats other female slayers apart from Shinobu and Mitsuri, but I’m not sure that’s entirely accurate.

We’re told several times that Sanemi is kind to women, but I don’t think that’s limited to non-Corps women. He observes a lower-ranked female slayer being harassed by M*dea and straight up makes the pig piss himself by yelling so much at him. He doesn’t tolerate any disrespect towards women because Sanemi starts every day by drinking his Respect Women Juice. I’m not saying he’s soft on female slayers, but I think he’s definitely more subdued. He’s not going to level personal/emotional attacks against them because that’s what his father did (along with the physical abuse) and Sanemi hates his father.

Honestly, tempted to explore more of the Bundle of Joy universe — like how Y/N and Sanemi actually meet and get together/their time in their secret relationship, and even as parents. Sanemi doesn’t strike me as someone who sleeps with another without already being emotionally invested in them to some degree, because he doesn’t like to feel as though he’s using them as a means to an end. I would like to write some parallels between Y/N’s pregnancy and his memories of his mothers’ pregnancies and show how they directly influenced him later on. We’ll see!

#demon slayer #sanemi shinazugawa #sanemi headcanons #demon slayer hcs #hashira #kimestu no yaiba

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bonesandthebees · 2 months

Note

Wilbur's 'apology' was complete and utter horseshit and I'm glad so many cc's are speaking out against him and in support of Shelby and each other abt his manipulation because fuck him, they all deserve better.

On the note of periods though, I'm not on mine yet but when I was scrolling on Twitter, I saw no less than 3 people wishing for their period cramps to be sent to Wilbur instead 😭

What is in the water why is everyone on their period

- 🦈

honestly the first thing I thought when I read wilbur's apology was "who told him to post that he literally just made himself look 10x worse" which you think would be difficult to do when you're facing being called physically and emotionally abusive, like how can you make the situation worse? well, wilbur fucking soot found a way

oh my god I found out another friend of mine is on their period right when I had posted that like why are we ALL on our periods right now and why can't we all collectively send our cramps to that man

#ask #shark anon #wilbur situation

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errihaienx · 1 year

Note

Hello love and enjoy reading everything you wrote. I would like to request hehehe, it's abt hq characters and the things that they will do and reactions during their wife is in labor. ☺️

Hellooo, just like one of my previous works i am not quite sure who among all of the hq characters shall i write reaction on. so i used the same format with the characters i am familiar with! this request was almost a month old, i'm sorry T^T, but i still hope you'll love this as much as i did. (next update will be posted this week too! thank you for waiting૮ ˶ᵔ ᵕ ᵔ˶ ა)

(REQ!)

quick disclaimer: these scenarios don't affect the original plot of the series. any information or events that contradict the original plot are purely fictional. (i do not own any of the characters) + Aged up!PostTimeskip Characters + Grammatical Errors

⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀:¨ ·.· ¨: ⠀⠀ ⠀⠀ `· . ꔫ HQ MEN REACTING TO AND DEALING WITH A PREGNANT WIFE DURING LABOR

Akaashi, Kita, Iwaizumi, Ushijima

Your husband prepared your pregnancy bag, he made sure to bring every medication you'd need to take. Although he was definitely excited, he kept his composure and gives you assurance. making sure that you're not alone on this journey.

"Hang on my love, you're doing great I love you so much"

he tried to ease you with his comforting soft words. not minding your harsh squeeze on his arms, you are in much more pain, this is nothing.

you huffed, your chest retracting, you never expected this. your months of preparation for this day was useless after all, you took your time watching labor videos online as your husband assisted you with all smiles.

"I-i c-can't," you managed to say, he hushed you while wiping the falling sweat on your forehead.

with your eyes closed, your obstetrician urged you to continue pushing harder, which you did.

"I know you can do this, you'll be a great mother, love. please hang on more.."

your cries were hard to see for him, oh he wishes not to cause you pain. he's upset that all he could do now is to wipe out your sweat, whisper comforting words, and endure your hard squeezes.

Kageyama, Sakusa, Osamu, Suna, Tsukishima, Kenma

He's way more anxious about it, he made sure to watch parenting guides from time to time when he knew that your due date was nearing.

and now that it was right in front of him, his mind went haywire, and he was completely clueless.

your whimpers tortured his heart, sure there were circumstances that he made you cry but this is different. you're very tired and suffering, you expected him to regret it so before your due week, you assured him that everything will be okay, your child will be the priority now.

"B-babe.."

you're too focused on the instructions of the doctor, you know that he's been calling you for a while now, though he couldn't form a complete phrase.

he's new to this, and so are you; it was difficult, and he's ensuring himself that he'll do his best to help you.

"I love you, our baby's gon appear soon hmmm,"

you handled to respond, gasping for air "O-our baby's gonna be born," emphasizing the word "born."

he laughed and held you dearly, his anxiety dissipating, you completely neutralizes him.

"You're doin' great, momma"

Hinata, Bokuto, Atsumu, Oikawa, Kuroo, Terushima

He was born for this, that's what he claims. and maybe, maybe you'll have to agree on this he was the one who's more excited, he attended parenting classes and shared what he learned to you but unfortunately he was a talking mess, he comments about everything, any second.

you tried your best to be calm, but hearing your husband's nonstop comments made you feel happy and irritated at the same time. happy because you'll know that he will be a great father. and irritated because it is evident that his noisy ass disturbs you and your obstetrician.

"M'love, i think i'm seein' my lil one," he exclaimed, oh come on, your child's head wasn't even showing.

you told him to shut up while torturing his hands by gripping on it. gosh, even in this times he could still make you annoyed.

"Dang, that looks painful i love you" he muttered as he hears you cry in pain.

hours after, he kept on saying sorry

"Baby im sorry! i caused you too much pain.." he softly says

you're very much tired to even answer him. he caressed your face, his smile could reach the skies.

"Wanna do it aga---"

suddenly you had the strength to give him a punch.

HIIII OMG SORRY I HAVEN'T POSTED IN A WHILE, IT WAS MY FINALS AND I'M STUDYING MY ASS OFF LMAOOOO. MY HELL WEEK IS STILL NOT DONE AND I SWEAR IT'S ME WHO'S DONE, KEEP SAFE EVERYONE!

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pencileraser1 · 2 months

Note

pencil eraser one. you word your long posts about dps very well so im pointing my frustration with media-ly illiterate people in your direction. im constantly seething with rage at this podcast episode i listened to a very long time ago abt dps bc they said neils suicide was STUPID and OVERDRAMATIC. and i just. i wanna throw up that boy killed himself and ur calling himnoverdramatic what do i even do. i am high a little and this is very much affecting me i cant get up from this couch 🎀

you're completely correct for this i actually have a few thoughts about this so uh bear with me for a second

theres something that sucks so much about this specific type of criticism of this movie in particular to me because of how much i relate to neil. i watched dps for the first time when i was 17, severely depressed and borderline suicidal and i related So Much to him. i didn't write off his suicide or criticize it because i'd Been There.

generally i feel like this criticism probably stems from lack of understanding Why he would do what he did, and there's a number of reasons that that this could be although that would be leaning a bit too much into psychoanalysis and assuming things i don't know about them so i'm not going to go into it really

up until it happens, neil seems like he's doing mostly okay, and particularly if you haven't seen the movie before i could see how to certain people his suicide might seem overdramatic since it's a bit of a sudden shift from mostly okay to suicidal. but the thing is that up until this point, neil has just been doing a very good job at hiding that something is wrong.

my interpretation of the movie has always been that he'd struggled with some form of depression as well as dealing with some amount of suicidal ideation before the movie and had just generally been good at masking it. during the events of the movie he is the happiest he has ever been because of the combination of the poets, acting, and keating. so when at the end of the play his father suddenly takes away all three, and his options are either to confront his father (something that he feels is impossible to do- even if it technically isn't, the fear he has surrounding it of his father listening but not caring, or making things worse than the are, or anything else, prevents him from doing it) or suffer through 10 years of medical school away from anything he actually cares about, he decides to remove himself from the situation entirely instead.

(theres something about the way his suicide is framed within the movie where in some fucked up way his suicide more than anything else is his carpe diem. he's seizing control of his life in the only way he is physically capable of anymore)

neil's suicide isn't rational but that doesn't mean it doesn't make sense or that he's overdramatic. just because logically waiting out the 10 years until he's away from his dad or leaving as soon as he graduates high school or turns 18 or whatever it is is a better option doesn't mean that 1. he'd have the idea to run away early or more importantly think it doable (he tries so hard to not directly disobey his father the whole movie and after doing it one time is now stuck in This situation, additionally, while this is the 50's and in general shit costed less/jobs were easier to get/etc. he is financially dependent on his father and running away without any support is not the smartest decision) and 2. that he'd be physically capable of enduring the 10 years. because 10 years is a long time Especially if it's 10 years studying to become a doctor, something that is both generally difficult and also something he Doesn't Want To Do. and so the sudden switch from happiest time of his life to suicidal throws people off and they don't understand why he wouldn't have done any of the other options that they thing are the logical ones but to him probably didn't seem physically possible.

#neil perry #dps #tw suicide #this might just be nonsense sorry #hopefully coherent

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fuck-customers · 6 months

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CW sexual stuff, possibly unintended sexual harassment?? Unclear exactly but CW just in case

Idk if "fuck coworker" is too harsh for this but it's definitely a "coworker is making me uncomfortable". But I don't think that she has bad intentions so I don't want to be mean. Here's the deal:

I'm lesbian. This coworker is also lesbian, just started a few months ago. She found out I'm a lesbian (I don't hide it) and it was an immediate problem- she started coming up to me and showing me pictures and videos of women and commenting on their bodies, specifically boobs and asses, especially in booty shorts. It's not porn but it's very much "thirst traps" pictures. And she tells me what physical things she wants to do to them and them to her. And she literally pulls out her phone when she sees me to scroll thru and pull up the pics she wants to show me. She comments on the bodies of random customers to any coworker within hearing, saying how hot they are and what she wants them to do to her in detail, and drags me into it with "[my name] knows what I'm talking abt don't u". I've told her I'm uncomfortable with the sexual comments abt customers and talking abt sexual positions at work, and she says I'm hiding my identity and that there's two of us now so we don't have ti hide. Which feels pretty condescending but also obtuse????

Because ive never hidden my identity at work - I wear rainbow and pride pins and jewelry, and have talked abt having a girlfriend at work to/in front of coworkers, and my coworkers even commiserated when my girlfriend broke up with me and encouraged me to get back into the dating world, just like how we encouraged another coworker when her bf and her broke up. I just don't want to talk abt sexual positions with specific customers as reference points at work???? Like...there's a line between mentioning a boyfriend or girlfriend, and saying u want this customer who just walked in, to "throw you onto your back and fck u with a strap on so hard her ass jiggles". Like???

We're the same age (late twenties) but she's newly out (within the last year, she said) so I'm trying to be understanding that she's navigating the job world as a "baby-gay" (newly out person) but the singling me out to show pictured and make extra sexual comments to is making me so uncomfortable. It's not sexual harassment towards me cause she's not making the comments abt me, so I can't rlly make a big deal over it. None of our other coworkers seem to have a problem with her, and I can't ask to not be put on the same shift with her cause then they'd ask why and I'd have to say why and I don't want to throw a fellow lgbt worker under the bus like that over something as petty as this: it's a tough city to get hired in as a gay person so I don't want to make things more difficult for her, I just don't feel comfortable and that's a me problem but like fuck this situation it's making me feel stressed down to my stomach every time I see we're on the schedule together. She covered someone else's shift the other day so I didn't expect to see her and we got zoned to the same part of the store and she saw me and made a beeline for me while pulling out her phone. Like before even a "hi" or anything.

Posted by admin Rodney.

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otomes-and-tears · 7 months

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thoughts on shiloh and jb,,,, theyre so fun to think abt as a dynamic no matter how u choose to slice it

THANK YOU FOR GIVING ME THE OPPORTUNITY TO TALK ABOUT THIS, ANON!! I want to smooch your forehead. I'm so happy rn.

Okay so-- I like to think that Shiloh initially only agreed to date JB out of self-interest, but eventually developed genuine feelings for her that he's in denial about.

We all know that he chooses to closely associate with people who will offer him something in return, and being with JB is DEFINITELY beneficial for him in the beginning:

First, by going out with her he's setting himself apart from the other jerks. He already acts differently from them, being nice, cheerful and helpful, and dating someone who others would consider desirable would do good for his social standing (and we know that shiloh has a bit of a reputation for being a manwhore, so actually settling down with someone for once would make him appear better) and it would solidify the idea that he's in the jerksquad by mistake and that he's "totally normal you guys" for people who still didn't catch on to him being a snake.

We also know that part of the reason is literally just that JB is the one thing that all the jerks have in common. They're all attracted to her in some capacity, and Shiloh can rub it in their faces in his own way that he "won" by being with her.

I think that JB being physically attractive and fitting his type are just minor points for him. If it was down to just physical attraction he wouldn't have bothered with a romantic relationship. He did, canonically, have a bunch of flings, so we know that for him accept a serious, exclusive relationship meant that there was a lot of incentive for him to do so.

So by all accounts, this is literally the perfect scenario for him: He's with someone attractive and fun, he pisses Pran off, people will see him in a better light and, the best part of all, JB is aware that he has ulterior motives and doesn't care about what they are, just as long he's praising her and being amusing.

There doesn't need to be any actual feelings involved. It's a mutually beneficial relationship that hinges on both parts fulfilling their pre-assigned roles. It's straightforward and uncomplicated, even if their dynamic is kind of fucked up if you think too hard about it.

But... And maybe this is just the hopeless romantic in me, but I do think that Shiloh eventually starts developing actual feelings for JB, and it would be fucking terrible for him.

There's this one post where GB lady talks about Shiloh's loneliness, and I think about it way too much. Even if you choose to see him as someone who just discards and replaces people in his life as soon as they're not of use anymore, he still feels isolated and lonely, because of course he does! Shiloh spent his entire life not letting people in and just following whoever established themselves as a leader, he even admits to it himself in Our life.

Shiloh doesn't have any actual, meaningful relationships because he can't have them and still maintain that same pattern of behaviour that he's used to, and letting go of these old habits would be incredibly difficult for someone whose entire childhood socialization was built onto this foundation.

Like-- I know that is a clichê for people to trace back everything to someone's childhood, but I cannot stress enough how CRUCIAL childhood socialization is for human development. Of course, people can grow and change even if they had difficult childhoods, but you need a good foundation in order to build healthy habits, and while Shiloh did have loving parents who wanted to do good by him, the behaviours and thought patterns he picked up during his childhood are still things we can see he struggles with throughout his life.

Building long-lasting connections with people means that he needs to allow himself to be vulnerable and genuine, It means that Shiloh needs to let go of the safety of the "boss and sidekick" dynamic that he's used to, and that especially, he would need to let go of his habit of entering relationships with the expectation of leaving them eventually.

I don't think these are things he's incapable of doing, if you choose to believe that he was being genuine with Liz during their conversation in OLBA, but these are things that he has resistance to trying because they have outcomes that are difficult to predict, and Shiloh is as his most comfortable when he's able to read someone and be what they need him to be or manipulate them into giving to him what he wants. He thrives on predictability and control.

I believe that actually falling in love with JB would be something he'd be in denial about for a long time. I think it would be hard for him to rationalise having actual, genuine feelings for someone after he spent an entire life avoiding them, and it would be even harder for him to deal with the very real possibility of this relationship having an expiration date, or, even worse, him wanting to be with her past her usefulness.

And it's not like he has anyone to talk to about these things, or that JB would even believe him if he admitted to actually liking her. I do think that Shiloh is the kind of person who would try to bury these feelings inside as much as possible to try and regain some sense of normalcy and you'd never be able to tell, bc he's just acting like normal.

By the prom scene, I think he actually likes her. I think he purposefully takes advantage of the fact that she doesn't take anything he says seriously to say things he actually means. I think him opening up about his manipulation tactics goes beyond him just wanting to manipulate her further (though I do think that keeping her interested enough she doesn't want to break up is a good motivator for him to keep on manipulating her too) and is also Shiloh's way of testing her boundaries and just how much she's willing to put up with if he starts being honest with her.

I don't think he knows whether or not to break up with her by graduation. She's asking him, but he doesn't know what to answer. Being with her beyond high school and putting effort into staying with JB long-distance doesn't really benefit Shiloh like it did when they were both in high school, and staying with JB long-term would mean that at some point he'd have to look deep inside and ask himself if he's willing to change.

And yeah, he's lonely, and he loves JB, but is that worth giving up everything you know?

Buuut if you want my honest opinion, which I'm guessing you do because you read through this mountain of text, I like to think that him allowing Liz back into his life is a good sign. It, at the very least, means that he is willing to maintain one relationship and that he's willing to be at least somewhat honest with someone. That's already miles better from where he was when Xoxo Droplets started.

By the way-- if you agree or disagree with anything I said here I'd LOVE to hear people's takes on this topic! I love talking about them!

#Shiloh makes me INSANE #I'm supposed to be studying for my organizational and industrial psychology test tomorrow but I'M HERE WRITING ABOUT SHILOH FIELDS #bee's writing #our life #xoxo droplets #shiloh fields #gb patch

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inoreuct · 6 months

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Eeeeeee I LOVE thinking abt tiger!zoro early on, and u mentioned borderline painful transformations bc it's been so long? I'm. I'm akskskskskdkakakaksksk I'm eating that up. Tiger Zoro who tries to isolate himself but the crew wont let him. Hes not alone anymore, they want to be there for him. Bringing him a snack or a drink or a blanket when hes not feeling well after a difficult transformation, petting his fur once hes comfortable with it, just spending time with him. A lot of his recovery time is spent sleeping, trying to get his energy back, and at least one if not more crewmates are always nearby while he naps, watching over him, protecting him

((U got me going nuts over this au I love it sm))

YAYAYAYAYAYA he tries to sequester himself in the crow’s nest pretty often but his crew is NOT having it. they drag him down to dinner, makes sure he does more than work out and mope; they know that shifting is taking a lot out of him especially if he shifted to fight. they keep him hydrated and well-fed when he’s awake, and lets him nap for as long as he needs to. it almost rubs him the wrong way because he feels so useless; he almost wants them to yell at him to pull his weight but they don’t, they give him time to rest and heal and they watch his back and it’s such a big jump from what he’d prepared himself for because the world isn’t this good. it’s never this good.

(the world might not be, but his crew is.)

((IM SO GLAD YALL ARE LIKING IT i swear it was like one post and now it’s a full-fledged au. tiger zoro runs laps around my brain every day))

#weretiger zoro au #ino’s ask box #roronoa zoro #one piece #one piece zoro #zosan

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meruz · 4 months

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hi im putting all my asks in one post again. these are from like the past month and a half approx? some digimon thoughts some tmnt thoughts some art musings u know the usual

@waywardistics YAYY thank you so much for ordering! I'm glad it got to you & that you are enjoying it!

this is kind of a missive to everyone who ordered but: I am very nervous about pre-orders whenever I do them... nervous that not very many people will order, nervous that there will be supply chain or production dilemmas and I won't be able to get copies out to people in a timely fashion, nervous about having people's money but having an indeterminate amt of time where i have not yet "held up my part of the bargain" etc etc SO. THANK U GUYS...FOR ORDERING and being patient and im so glad it got to y'all

@seanonthemoon (idk why i cant tag u BUT) interesting... i gotta be honest I don't think abt the crests that much. i agree that they're very much like heres the "girl" crest heres the "nerd boy" crest etc to the point that it becomes almost meaningless. but i think what makes them even more meaningless to me, and is probably the reason they kind of designated girl/boy crests etc is that i think like the digivices they're toys and merchandise more than they are actual narrative tools LOL. I wouldve loved something with cody and mimi! theyre both so deeply empathetic and sensitive.. theres a lot they share but i think because they look so different on the surface it would make it difficult to market that merch...booo capitalism boooo toy marketing its all sexist bullshit at least here in the u.s. idk if japan is that different though.

I'm actually a little frustrated with how often 02 and 02 related media squanders cody in general lol. he feels like a parallel of izzy, joe, and TK(season 1 tk) while also being kind of none of those and suffering through lackluster characterization as a result... and then once ken joins the team it feels a little redundant. there's a couple cody-centric eps of 02 I remember really liking but then i think abt how he's been used since in like post-series content and 02:the beginning where they made him type on the computer even though obviously that's yoleis thing but because he had nothing else to do and aghh... my blood boils. i feel like the youngest but most serious anime achetype even at its bare bones is actually rly interesting idk why they don't play it up. UM. Once again my opinion is that he should be taller LOL and maybe they should play up his kendo martial arts honorable training stuff more idk. tallest + youngest + most serious just seems like a recipe for success for me. well. theres still time. and theres always fanfic.

THIS IS SO NICE TO SAY and not the first time someone has said it but i appreciate it everytime because i really admire the mm art style so much. It's like part of why I got really into the movie because I really recognized my own artistic sensibilities and aspirations in the way they stylized everything.

UM And i feel like since watching the movie and looking at all the concept art and making my own art i do feel like its only become more obvious how much my own art is lacking LOL LIKE when you see something that feels so similar I think the differences only become more stark. those artists are definitely on a different level than me. But it's nice to hear people say it doesn't look so different from their pov. thank u ^^

thank u!!!!!!! i love mundanity and naturalism... there's something so beautiful abt it to me lol... I feel like my anatomy needs work actually but ive been feeling better abt it this year so it's good to hear! thank you!

DLKGDSGDLALSNDF WAS IT TOO FAR..?? firstly, yeah I was thinking late teen/young adult ages for both of them ie 18-19ish, definitely not the age the kids are in the movie lol.

but also they arent DOING anything in that pic it is literally just a confrontation + some innuendo... I think teens should be allowed some less than subtle innuendo.. its like one of the top 3 classically teen pastimes...

this is such a funny ask to get because i feel like i haven't been able to do thin lineart until like. this past year or two maybe LOL. UM having a line-centric art job helped I think. I started on craig of the creek back in 2022 and thats a show where we spend a lot of time inking so I had a job where I was constantly moderating my line weight 40 hours a week every week for over a year. disappointingly, much of improvement is simply horrendous amounts of practice.

Here's a tip though: I think a lot of thin lineart boils down to confidence. I think instinctively we read thick, bold, fast lines as confident but theres actually a lot of obscuring you can do with a thick line. if you're not sure whether the nose on the face or a browline should be a little more left or a little more down you can hide that with a thick line and pretend its a shadow. or hide it with a bunch of quick lines and the eye can kind of approximate where looks best among the mass.. whereas a thin line is rly singular and stark and hides nothing, it needs to be precise. so anytime i know i want thin lineart i spend a LOT of time sketching, making sure i know exactly where i want my lines to go. so im not second guessing by the time im inking...

ok thats kind of a broad tip lol... here's one thats more applicable: IF POSSIBLE, lower your pressure sensitivity on your device. most devices have some way to edit your pressure sensitivity curve. I use a surface pro at home and this is what my pressure curve looks like most of the time.

When I work on a wacom it looks even more like a reverse L shape LOL. I'm naturally a really heavy-handed artist and I use a "light" or "hard" pressure curve to compensate for how hard I'm always pressing on the pen lol. if you're like me and you struggle with going too hard with the ink too fast... this will probably help a lot!

SFHASLDFH I LOVE THIS ASK this is like the type of question a person gets asked when chalk drawing on the sidewalk at recess LOL. but i understand because I've been struggling also for like. months. I think I'm finally starting to nail it down though so here's some of my observations.

[feel free to save this img but **please do not re-post it or share broadly**. my biggest fear in the world is to spend 30 min on some notes and become a widely proliferated art tutorial im not even kidding. i made it low contrast and difficult to read on purpose.]

my other tip is to just look at and study a lot of reference because that's all ive been doing. the tmnt are really cartoony so its difficult to use like actual anatomical reference unless ur going for that look BUT theres been so many adaptions in so many different styles that there's a real treasure trove of stuff to look at for how to simplify, stylize, and dissect these characters while keeping the recognizable essence. so theres lots to pull from.

If you want to expand further, it's also good to have 5) something sci-fi 6)something fantasy 7)something mundane/slice of life. a bedroom is a really good go-to. And of course some bgs can be two or more of these things at once.

I've definitely answered asks abt bg tips before but here's one specifically for if you want to do bg design for a job:

Your portfolio should probably have at least one of each of the following 1) an interior 2) an exterior 3) a cityscape 4) a nature scene. Just to cover kind of the basics of what you'd be asked to draw on any given project.

I actually feel like I don't have that many cityscrapes in my portfolio... this is something I'm gonna try to work on in the coming year LOL. OH ALSO. This is a very basic tip and people will tell you it all the time but its worth repeating: look up portfolio websites of artists who have the job you want. An easy way to do this is to go onto imdb for any cartoon or movie you like and to find the names listed as "bg/background designer" or whatever then just google that name +"art" or "animation" most artists have some public facing internet presence so it's not hard. spend time studying their work and hold those images in your head! it's a good way to get a good idea of what "industry standard" looks like and comparing ur own art to it... I know people sometimes get bummed comparing their art to others but if you can keep your head up lol.. it'll help you figure out what you need to work on!

ok thats all i have to say sorry for typing so much. happy new year everybody who read this far LMAO!!!!!

#ask

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