#just mentioned. so basically if you touch either of those you go mad not really sure what else. you might die? so when it was cs pov he got

[surrogate-fawn]

Quartz and Sea Glass

((Drabble/Short story based on the backstory a rp with @mittysins of Fawn's first step into the world of surrogacy.))

{This drabble is a sequel to "The First Goodbye" and is Part Two of a planned series based on the rp between Mitty and I. This drabble will not make sense without the context of Part One.}

TW: Mentioned miscarriage/stillbirth, infertility, family abandonment.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Don't put me on a pedestal for what I decided to do with my life. I ain't a saint.

I'll fully admit that I became a surrogate for selfish reasons. When I discovered there was a market out there of couples who needed a healthy body to carry their baby, I did not give a single shit about helping them -- all I cared about was the money.

I was twenty years old and homeless, still living off minimum wage. Can 'ya really blame me?

Lord only knows how that little worm of an idea got into my brain. Maybe it was during a mindless re-watch of season four of Friends. Maybe it was seeing something on the news. Or maybe it was during one of those three-in-the-morning anxiety attacks -- the ones that had me scribbling down as many outlandish solutions to my life as could fit on a napkin.

Not a lot of good ideas came about that way.

However it got there, one day I found myself seated at a library computer searching up as much information as I could find about surrogacy. As soon as I saw the rates some of these couples were willing to pay, I was sold. Fifty to sixty grand -- paid over the span of months. That sure as hell beat $7.25 an hour! The fact I could be eligible for certain state benefits on top of that money didn't hurt, either.

Best part? The one obstacle that could've been in my way had been crashed down a year ago: at least one healthy and successful prior pregnancy.

This was it. This was my way out!

But I hesitated.

As I sat there, staring at the Google search results that led me down the rabbit hole, I wondered if I was really capable of going through it all again. Not so much the physical symptoms, those all passed as soon as the pregnancy was over.

I was wondering if I could handle saying goodbye again.

My son's first birthday had just passed. I'd put a candle in a cupcake and blown it out for him the day of, alone in my room and still in my UDF uniform after work. I'd wished I'd known what name they gave him. The "Happy Birthday" song is a 'lil hard to sing without a name. I'd just called him "my baby" in the song. At least it fit. He would always be my baby, wherever he was and whatever he was called.

I blinked at the blue-tinted monitor. The screen was getting fuzzy and my eyes were stinging. I force-closed the dozens of tabs I had open, shut the computer off, and began my walk back to the women's shelter.

No, I couldn't. Money or no money, I couldn't go through it again. I never...never wanted to go through it again.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A week later, I made another trip to the library to borrow some time at the computer. I couldn't afford a laptop or smartphone, so it was a trip I usually made every other day; but work had been leaving me too tired to swing by.

I found an email waiting for me in my inbox, from a surrogate agency site I remembered looking up. In my mad scrolling, I must have signed up for their mailing list without thinking about it. It was from the highest-rated site I'd found, so at least I didn't have to worry about it being a phishing scam or tied to some baby black market or whatever.

I almost deleted it out of reflex, but the subject line read: "The Basics of Surrogacy, Free Information Guide". A brochure? Not an ad pressuring me to join so they could start taking a cut of my pay? Sure, I'd take a brochure.

So, that was the moment I made the best decision of my life: I opened that email.

I'll spare you the business side of things, but once I got in touch with the agency it all started falling into place. The whole process was much more voluntary than I realized. I spoke with several surrogate mothers who had been matched with clients through the site, and they all stood firm that nothing was done unless both the surrogate and the parents agreed to it. I would have a say in who I matched with. I would have a say in how much I was to be paid. I would even have a say in what the birthing experience would be like!

What finally sealed the deal for me, though, was the fact this company only dealt with what I learned were called "gestational surrogacies" -- meaning none of their surrogates were the biological parents of the babies they carried. I'd have someone else's egg inside me -- I would essentially be a walking incubator. That sounds kinda weird when you think about it, but it solved the biggest issue I had with tapping into this gold mine.

Not my baby? Not my DNA? Fine by me. I decided I'd gladly get paid fifty grand to sit around and grow someone else's kid. Sounded like the easiest job in the world.

I sent my application in two days later.

Two months, a psychiatric assessment, and dozens of medical tests later, I was in.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The Tariqs weren't the first couple who asked to meet with me. There were two other couples I had a first meeting with, but neither of them clicked with me the way Ray and Tess did.

We met for the first time at a park situated alongside the Tennessee River, bundled in jackets to keep out the early-autumn chill. There just so happened to be a food truck parked by the entrance we agreed to meet at, and Tess declared we should get to know each other over lunch. Seeing as I had skipped breakfast to make it to work on time, I didn't mind the idea.

I was standing off to the side while the Tariqs ordered from the truck, counting out the amount of cash I had on me, when suddenly I heard Tess call me over.

"Which one 'ya want, shug?" she asked, pointing to the menu plastered on the truck's side.

They bought me a chicken panini and a hot hazelnut macchiato, insisting it was their treat. If it were up to me, I wouldn't have needed the rest of that interview -- I had already chosen to be their surrogate in my head.

Buying me food is a fantastic way to get to get me to like you.

We sat at a picnic table beneath the golden oak trees and got to talking. Raymond (or Ray, as he preferred to be called) was a second-generation Indian immigrant and Tess, his wife, was a born-and-bred Knoxville gal. They lived on the rural side of Knoxville, just barely inside the city limits, in a 1960's farmhouse they'd refurbished themselves. Both were in their mid-thirties by the time they sought out surrogacy; up until that point, they'd been though quite a battle with infertility:

They'd been trying throughout their four years of marriage, but Tess could never carry to term. The few times her pregnancy tests would come up positive, she'd bleed a few weeks later. Although they weren't opposed to modern medicine, they'd preferred to try more "natural" methods to solve their fertility issue before going to a doctor. Such methods included the Kama Sutra, meditation, crystals, herbal blends and -- of course -- prayer.

Just the year prior, it seemed their home remedies had worked when Tess finally made it into the second trimester with a baby boy.

They'd lost him in a stillbirth days before the third trimester milestone.

Piled onto that tragedy, the hospital discovered Tess had a defective uterus -- it was physically impossible for her to carry to term. So, that's where I came in.

As I told them about myself, they were delighted to know I came from a household that had rather New Age ideas about life. I didn't mention that I no longer lived by those ideas -- it would've opened too many questions.

However, I certainly understood the good home remedies could do! I was more than happy to trade my recipes for salves for Ray's tips on where to buy the best beeswax in Knoxville. So happy, in fact, that I got carried away.

"My mom makes beeswax candles," I said, hurrying to swallow the bite of panini I had in my mouth. "She used to scent 'em with oils from her flowers, but the oil would seep right outta the wax once it got warm." I chuckled, feeling my nose crinkle in the embarrassing way it does when I laugh. "Sometimes, at dinner, we'd light one of her candles at the table. We'd blink and suddenly there'd be a puddle of rose oil dripping onto the beans and cornbread!"

"Maybe I can help her out with that," Ray said with a grin. He took a quick sip of his coffee. "My grandparents keep bees over in India. My family has a lot of tips on how to melt and mix the wax."

I almost choked on my food when I realized I'd brought up my family. Shit...now I had to be careful.

"Maybe," I said with a causal shrug. "She's back home in West Viginia with everyone else. It's a little hard to make time to see 'em."

"Oh, I'm sure," Tess nodded. "It's the same with my daddy's side of the family. We're just so far apart we forget 'ta check up on each other as often as we should." She finished off the last of her bagel. "And with you, Fawn, you work full time with a little 'un at home. I'm sure 'ya family understands."

I didn't blink for a while. I just stared at the river until the cold breeze dried my eyes out. "Oh, well..." I cleared my throat, "I don't have a little one at home."

Tess looked confused. Ray looked mortified.

"But it says on 'ya file you were pregnant last year?" Tess half-asked, half-stated. I could tell from her tone that there was no malice in her. She'd clearly read my profile and made assumptions.

I smiled, maybe showing a little too much teeth. "Yeah, I was. Very healthy pregnancy, very healthy baby boy, but I don't have a little one at home."

Ray put his hand over his wife's wrist, his sea glass bracelet quietly clattering on the wooden table. Tess went pale and her look of confusion faded into a silent scream.

"Oh. I'm...I'm sorry," she stammered. "I didn't mean 'ta-."

"No, no! I don't mind bringing him up!" I said, a nervous laugh jittering my lungs. "I never get the chance to talk about my son, but I think about him all the time!"

I surprised myself when the expected sorrow didn't come. Instead, excitement filled its place -- an odd sense of relief that I could let out some of the thoughts that had been haunting me.

I proceeded to word-vomit about how wonderful it was to be pregnant with my son, and how angelic his parents were to me, and how I knew he would be okay -- even if I missed him -- and so forth and so on. I honestly don't think I stopped for breath.

I saw Ray and Tess glance at each other from the corners of their eyes as I rambled, a pair of knowing grins on their faces.

I'm no mind reader, but I think that's when the Tariqs made their final decision.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Tess was with me for the embryo transfer, her ring-laden hand resting on my arm as everything was prepped. I was bloated as a water balloon from the multiple fertility drugs I'd been plunging into my veins -- every day, might I add -- for the past month. I sure was hoping those suckers worked, because being in a permanent state of PMS was ass. Total ass.

I reclined on the exam table, legs up in those familiar stirrups and my hips covered by a thin sheet of paper. I inhaled through my nose as the doctor inserted a long, thin tube of plastic through the ring of my cervix -- the end of which was attached to a syringe full of clear fluid. Somewhere in that syringe, three little embryos floated around -- and one of them was hopefully about to nestle into its new home.

I watched the fuzzy grey blurs on the ultrasound screen as the doctor angled the wand to see what he was doing. As I watched each of the three tiny balls leave the tube...I just hoped those fertility drugs didn't work too well.

Tess grinned down at me once it was over, her blonde braid falling over her shoulder. "We got three good un's in there," she said. I noticed she was clutching the quartz pendant around her neck like a string of prayer beads. "I'm sure one of 'em will like 'ya enough 'ta stick around."

I think she was just as worried as I was. Tess's egg retrieval, the test tube fertilization, the freezing, and my daily injections all combined into almost three months of prep work just for this ten-minute procedure.

And if it failed, we'd have to do it all over again. And if that failed, we'd do it again. And again.

"Yeah," I sighed, lowering my legs from the stirrups, "I hope you're right, Tess. 'Cause if not, I swear to God I'm gonna have-."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"A girl!" Tess screeched to the high heavens, throwing herself against Ray in an attack hug. She jumped for joy while hanging from his neck, almost pulling the poor man to the floor. "It's a girl, Ray! We're havin' a girl!"

Ray laughed, backing up from the table so his wife didn't mule kick the ultrasound technician. "I don't know, Fawn," he said, looking my way with a huge smile and a raised eyebrow. "Do you think it's a girl?"

"Not sure," I said, my nose crinkling in a snicker, "but I think Tess said something about it being a girl."

"Shuddup you two," Tess giggled, sniffling as tears began falling down her cheeks.

Ray held his wife's face in his hands and gave her a kiss deep enough to explore the sea floor. The technician and I decided to focus on the ultrasound images to give the couple some privacy.

I craned my neck to look up at the screen. What had been a microscopic ball four months ago was now an apple-sized baby girl with wiggling arms and legs, and -- thank God -- there was only her in there. The other two embryos had never taken, but this rowdy little girl had held tight. I smiled as I watched the rapid flutter of her heart beating, amazed at the sight. I remembered being just as amazed by my son's heartbeat, what few times I'd gotten to see it.

"Look how active she is!" the technician said, pointing to the baby's constant wiggling. "You should be feeling those little dance moves of hers very soon."

Ray and Tess returned to admire the fuzzy images on the screen. Tess was drying her eyes on her sleeves, and Ray's smile may as well have been glowing. He had his arm around Tess's shoulders as they watched the miniature dance party going on inside me. The sea glass bracelet rattled as his hand came to rest over his heart.

"That's our daughter, Tess," he said. His voice broke a bit as he repeated: "That's our daughter."

"Yep," Tess sniffled, hugging her husband's torso and resting her head on his shoulder, "that's her."

I watched them hold each other like that until the technician turned off the wand and wiped the gel from my slightly rounded belly.

The Tariqs had already begun the steady payment plan we'd agreed to. Even after the agency took its cut each month, it was still more than I'd ever made in my life. That had been why I'd agreed to do this for them, after all.

That ultrasound appointment is what changed my outlook on what I was doing.

These two people. These two amazing people, so overcome with joy because I was carrying the baby that they could not.

I wasn't an incubator anymore. I felt more like a nanny, protecting their baby for them until she was strong enough to come out. They'd wanted this baby for so, so long -- and I was the one making that dream of theirs come true.

I knew what it was like to desperately want to hold a baby you were unable to have. I may not have been able to heal my own hurt, but here I was...healing theirs.

I wasn't doing it for the money after that.

I never did it for the money again.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Five days after my twenty-first birthday, I woke up to a rather nasty surprise at one in the morning. I'd gotten kicked in the bladder, and my bedsheets and pajama bottoms were damp and sticking to my skin in the humid July air. Fantastic. Not again.

With a groan, I rolled out of bed and started shuffling my way to my door. I held the weight of my belly in my arms as I made my way to the upstairs communal bathroom, hoping to take the pressure off my hips.

I blinked against the harsh florescent light as it sputtered to life over the toilet. With a gruff sigh, I shut and locked the door.

"Suri, you gotta stop doing this," I slurred, my mouth too tired to move. "I'm letting you use my uterus as a bed and breakfast. The least you could do is not try to pop my bladder every night."

Surinder. Her name was Surinder, but we'd been calling her Suri for short. Ray picked it out. He liked it because it was based on the name of a Hindu god and also sounded like the word 'surrender' in English. Tess had fallen in love with the name. Me? I would've just stuck with 'Suri'. I knew exactly what kind of teasing she was in for at school with a name like 'Surinder'.

You can't exactly walk into public school with a name like 'Fawn' and not get laughed into oblivion.

At least the nickname gave her an extra name to fall back on. If that didn't work, she also had her middle name to use: Elora. I would've done the same back in high school -- I did have three to pick from -- but 'Aspen', 'Coriander', and 'Medulla' wouldn't have made the teasing any better.

I'd gone in at age eighteen and erased two of those names. It was just "Fawn Coriander Sequioa" now. Still not a normal name by any means. I often thought about going back into the records and legally changing my last name, just like my parents had done when they'd joined the commune before I was born.

I didn't need my last name. My family didn't want me anymore.

Alexander may have opened up a whole new world for me, but he made sure I burned every bridge behind me as I crossed it. I was already beginning to question my parents' worldview by the time I started dating him, but he took that little spark of doubt -- a spark that, if left alone, would've grown into a steady burn-away of my old ideals -- and fanned those embers into an uncontrollable hatred.

"They're a cult, babe," he'd told me. "Why can't you see that? I can take you away from that bullshit that says you gotta fuck other guys to be happy. I only want what's best for you, and for us."

After months of letting my teenaged angst and frustration boil over, it happened. An argument started between Mom and I over something asinine, and the geyser fucking exploded.

I parroted everything Alexander had been telling me. I told my parents they were nothing but sexual perverts who wanted me to be a whore all my life. I told them how their "woo-woo" medicine got kids killed all over the country, and that blood was on their hands. I told them how much they'd fucked up in raising me.

I told them I hated them.

I told Dad I hoped the next woman who sucked his dick bit it off.

I told Mom that if it was her, I hoped she died choking on it.

The last time I saw Dad, he was throwing everything I owned out of my bedroom window until I was on the sidewalk surrounded by broken furniture and muddy clothes.

The last time I saw Mom, she was sobbing face-down on the couch and refusing to look at me.

Even now, I would be willing sell my soul -- to lay down and die -- just to undo what I did that day.

I didn't give a shit at the time, though. I picked up what I could carry off the front lawn and walked to the nearest payphone to call Alex. I had to tell him I was finally free.

Free.

Right.

What a fucking joke.

I splashed some cold water on my face to wash off the nighttime sweat. Suri rolled one of her feet against the top of my belly, causing a little moving bump that I playfully poked with my finger.

"I'm going to bill you for all those crazy dance parties you're having in there, missy," I said with a grin, a lot less frustrated with her than I was a second ago.

I grabbed a washcloth to start cleaning myself off, but the realization dawned on me and I stopped cold. That was her foot. Her foot was at the top of my belly...which meant her head was angled down...which meant there was no way she'd kicked my bladder.

As I stood at the sink trying to solve that puzzle, I found the missing piece. My belly clamped down hard enough to pitch me forward. I grabbed onto the sides of the sink with a small gasp, feeling the muscles of my torso all tighten and shrink in the direction of my uterus. As it did, a little more dampness spread across my pajama pants.

Oh fuck.

Oh, holy fuck!

I left the bathroom in as much of a jog as I could manage, rushing back into my room and to the brand-new cell phone charging by the window. I had no idea how to save numbers on that thing, so I manually dialed Ray's number. His was the only one I could remember.

The other side of the call rang for a solid thirty seconds before Ray's sleep-drunk voice picked up:

"Hello?" he grumbled. "Who is this?"

Oh, right. He probably didn't have my new number saved, either.

"Ray, it's Fawn," I said, noticing too late that my voice was trembling. "You and Tess need to come pick me up...like right now!"

I heard a rustle on the other end, and suddenly Ray sounded very much awake. "Fawn? Fawn, what's wrong?!" I thought I heard Tess say something nearby, probably on the other side of their bed. "Why do you need us to get you?! Suri isn't due for another two weeks!"

"She...she had other plans," I said, taking a deep breath to steel my nerves. "My water just broke."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Ray's face was illuminated by the highway streetlights as he glanced back at Tess and I in the backseat of the car. "How's it going back there?" he asked, flicking his gaze between us and the road.

"Aughh!" I groaned in response as a contraction stole my ability to speak. I tried to lift my hips off the leather seat as more fluid leaked from me, but the seatbelt held me down. I was already sitting in a small puddle of it, and I was worried I was ruining their upholstery. I was still dressed in my pajamas, but I considered them a lost cause.

"We're doin' fine," Tess said, slipping her hand into mine so I could squeeze it -- which I did. "Focus on the road, Ray."

Tess had buckled herself into the middle seat of the minivan, giving her enough room to tend to me while I was strapped in the window seat. I sat with my legs as far apart as the seatbelt would allow. I could already feel the baby pressing through my cervix, and I recognized the pounding pressure that came with it.

The contraction lasted about forty seconds, and it left me reeling and panting. I had no idea when to expect the next one. "Why is this happening so fast?!" I asked, my voice shrill with anxiety. "I was in labor for over a day last time!"

"It's probably not happenin' as fast as 'ya think, doll," Tess assured me, giving my hand a pat. "You could'a slept through most of early labor. Second baby always comes faster than the first, 'ya know."

No. No, I did not know!

"Tessie, how close did the doula say she was?" Ray asked, obeying his wife and not taking his eyes off the road that time.

Tess's face was bathed in white light as she quickly checked her phone. "Ten minutes," she said. "She'll be waiting outside the house when we get there."

Just before she put her phone away, I saw her clutching the quartz pendant again.

Just as promised, the doula was parked outside the Tariqs' farmhouse when we got there. She climbed out of her car as soon as our headlights lit up the gravel driveway. Ray parked the minivan with a lurch and jumped out to start helping her carry things into the house.

Tess helped me out of the car, letting me use her as a crutch as we hobbled up the front steps.

"You ready 'ta do this, Fawn?" she asked.

"Are you ready to do this?" I rebutted.

Tess paused for a second, and then rubbed my lower back as we reached the porch. "Not really," she said, "but no one ever is."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Turns out, I wasn't as deep into active labor as I thought I was. In fact, I'd barely started it. The doula told me I was six centimeters dilated, and that I'd likely been in labor for close to twelve hours at that point.

"No, that's not possible," I protested from my reclined position on the sofa. "I wasn't having contractions until now."

"Trust me, you were," the doula grinned from her place between my knees. She slipped off her blue latex gloves and tossed them in the trash as she stood up. "I'm willing to bet they were just really mild up until you started leaking."

It was a relief to know my water breaking didn't mean I was going to deliver right there and then; but it also sucked knowing I was still in for a long ride.

I spent the rest of that night laboring around the farmhouse. It was so nice to not be stuck in a hospital room that time. I was free to do as I pleased, which Ray and Tess were sure to make clear.

Ray opened a few of the windows to let the sounds of crickets and frogs in, as well as the sweet-smelling breeze of the countryside. Meanwhile, Tess made it her life's mission to make me as cozy as possible -- no matter where I ended up. Thanks to her, pillows followed me from the sofa to the floor, from the floor to the recliner, and then back to the sofa.

Eventually, I got too restless to sit still and I needed to be upright. I was on my feet for the rest of active labor, hanging from the edges of furniture or leaning on either Tess or Ray for support during the contractions. Neither of them minded a bit.

It didn't hurt any less than the first time I went into labor. At times, I was so overcome by the increasing horrible sensations that I began screaming. Each time that happened, either Tess or Ray (whichever I was currently clinging to) would wrap their arms around me and the other would redirect my focus.

"Look at me, doll," Tess said, taking my face in her hands while Ray held me upright.

I was hyperventilating and sobbing my way through a nasty contraction and had forgotten how to use my legs.

"Look at me," she repeated gently. "Focus on my face. See my eyes? My nose? My mouth?" she pointed to each feature as she listed them. "Just think about what'cha see. Think about every detail 'ya can."

It was a technique that sounded stupid on paper, but in practice it was very effective at keeping me grounded. If I counted each of Tess's eyelashes or tried to trace the shape of her mouth in my mind's eye, then I didn't focus on the pain.

I could do it. I knew I could. I'd done this whole song and dance before without painkillers. I could do it again.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

At ten in the morning, eight hours after arriving at the house, I finally felt the shift that told me I was almost done with this.

I was kneeling on the hardwood floor of the living room, my thighs supported by the shallow birthing stool the doula had brought. Beneath me was an absorbent blue pad. Based on the design of the packaging it was pulled it from, it was supposed to be for potty training puppies. Weird...but if it worked, it worked -- and it was certainly needed. The head was descending quicky, and a few bloody strands of cervical mucus were dripping from me as the last of it gave way.

I'd shed the damp pajamas I came in, but the sweat rolling down my back made me shiver each time an outdoor breeze came through. Tess draped a thin blanket over my shoulders and stayed at my back, her hands never leaving my upper arms as I bowed my head and wailed through a transition contraction.

Ray knelt a few feet in front of me, the doula at his side. He looked a strange mixture of nauseous and excited -- we had decided he would be the one to catch the baby, and the doula was talking him through the process ahead of time. I noticed he was holding a hand to his heart as he listened to her, the sea glass bracelet hanging from his wrist.

We all knew it was about to happen.

When the head finally lodged itself into my birth canal, I said nothing. I just acted. I gripped the front edges of the foot-tall birthing stool and let out a feral growl as I started to push. A chorus of encouragement came from the people around me:

"That's it, doll! C'mon!"

"Go with the urge, Fawn. You've got this!"

"Very good, that's what we like to see."

Having gravity on my side this time made pushing feel much less like a chore. I could feel Suri working her way down each push I gave, and she usually stayed where she was once I let up. Kneeling on the stool seemed to be easing her down exactly where she needed to go.

I let out a yelp -- of surprise more than pain -- as I suddenly felt her head pressing against the skin of my perineum. The pressure opened my lips up like a flower, and the doula shined a flashlight underneath me to confirm her head was visible just inside the bulge of my lips, sitting there ready to crown with the next push.

And holy fuck, did she crown! The burn started the second her scalp met the outside air.

"Oww! God-fucking-damn it!" I white-knuckled the wooden stool, a strangled scream leaving my throat as I felt the head bulge out further, peeling my vagina apart like some demented fruit.

Ray scooted closer, rubbing alcohol up and down his arms in preparation to catch. With the doula watching over his shoulder and aiming a flashlight down so he could see, Ray slipped his hands beneath me. I felt his fingers prodding the skin around the head.

"Just like that, yes," the doula told him. "Help her open, this baby seems to be eager."

"No shit!" I roared, my arms trembling as another push sent the head rushing downward. "Fuck!"

I felt Ray's fingers trace the circumference of his daughter's head as more of it emerged, heard the quiet squelching of the afterbirth coating his fingers. When I no longer had the contraction to help me, I let up. Ray kept trying to massage my vagina open, even as I was trying to rest.

"Stop!" I snapped, and he withdrew.

Tess was hiding behind me, her hands on my shoulders the only reminder she was there. She peeked over my shoulder at her husband during the brief lull in my screaming.

"How far is she out?" she asked, unable to see for herself.

The doula craned her neck. "Almost fully crowned."

"She has so much hair," Ray said with a breathy laugh.

"She does," the doula agreed with a grin. "Her daddy's hair, too. Very dark."

I tilted my head to the side, panting heavily but morbidly curious. "Can...can I feel?" I asked.

The doula took my hand and lead it below my belly. I gasped in awe when I touched the hot, gooey ball of hair sticking out from my body.

"Woah..." I muttered, not sure what to else to say.

My fingertips wandered between my legs for a few seconds, and it was both fascinating and horrifying how my anatomy felt nothing like my own body. Everything was stretched and moved around, and it didn't feel like I was touching anything resembling a human body part -- save for the head sitting where a head shouldn't be. Frightened, I pulled my hand back just in time to bear down against a new contraction.

"Hands out, Ray," the doula gently encouraged. "Here she comes."

I felt Tess press her forehead into my upper back. I think she was feeling faint.

"Ah!" A sharp cry, almost a bark, shot from me as the head reached a full crown for a few terrible seconds. Then, with a wet slip, her whole head came free.

"Holy Mother Gaia..." Ray marveled in a half-whisper. His hands cupped the head hanging under me with the most attentive care in the world.

He didn't have much time to admire the view, I wasn't done pushing. I screamed through closed lips as I felt the ring of flesh just behind my skin get stretched wider than it had ever been. I knew something was wrong as soon as that stabbing, tearing burn began. Suri was two weeks early, but she suddenly felt bigger than my son had been.

"Pull her out!" I begged, remembering what the doctor had done. "Just pull her out!"

"Can't," the doula said. "Her hands are up by her ears, there's nowhere for us to grab."

"Take it slow, Fawn," Ray offered. "I've got her, there's no reason to rush."

I took a few quick pants and rested, hoping the stabbing burn would lessen if I let myself stretch out. It's no wonder it hurt so bad delivering her shoulders, she was making this part more difficult than it needed to be.

Tess's hands lightly squeezed my arms and I felt her hiding her face in the blanket draped over my back. Yeah, she was definitely on the verge of passing out.

Gravity was pulling on Suri even as I was trying to let myself stretch, and the shifting pressure triggered me to push without the aid of a contraction.

"Aughh, Suri come on!" I begged, pushing so hard my vision was going double.

Maybe saying her name was intimidating enough to get her to move, because with that push I felt her arms pop free. Ray gasped, and I felt his hands shift to support her upper body as the rest of her slipped out of me. I heard fluid splash and splatter onto the puppy pad, and just a second later, Ray lifted a small blue baby up from under me.

"Get her breathing," the doula urgently instructed. "Turn her over and rub her back. Support her head."

Ray obeyed, gently flipping Suri over on his lap and rubbing his large hand over her back. Her head hung disturbingly limp on her neck as he jostled her around, but I knew that's what it was supposed to be like. It still looked scary.

Suri splayed her arms out, as if she's been surprised, and let out a gurgling wail as her first breath.

"There she is," Ray sighed with releif, turning her back over to hold her in his arms. The doula whipped out a small towel and draped it over her body to keep her warm.

Tess came back to life and rushed to be beside her husband the instant she heard the baby cry. The moment she saw Suri in her daddy's hands, she dropped to her knees and covered her mouth. Her eyes spilled over, tears flowing down her cheeks.

"Oh, Ray!" she cried, her voice shaky and breaking. She reached out and pet her daughter's wet mop of black hair. "Ray, she's beautiful!"

Ray couldn't answer, he was too choked on tears of his own. Both parents held their daughter between their bodies, too joyful for words to express. Their tears and shared kisses told the story, though.

As for me, I wasn't too sure what to make of the situation. She was out, she was healthy, and her parents would be taking it from here. My job was done; but it did feel a bit...abrupt.

"Fawn," Tess turned to me, uselessly trying to dry her eyes, "do you want to hold her?"

I didn't think, I just spoke: "Yes. I've never held a baby before."

Ray and Tess lifted Suri up to me. Ray adjusted my hold so I could support the places that needed it, and Tess made sure the bloodied towel was in place so Suri wouldn't get cold. Within seconds, there I was with a minute-old baby in my arms, sitting against my bare chest.

I stared down silently at the tiny person who had been living inside me the last nine months. She was screaming her head off, but her lungs were sounding clearer each time her mouth opened. Her pink, toothless gums reminded me of a fish's mouth.

"Hey, Suri," I said, my voice sounding far away. "Must feel better out here, huh?" Suri wailed again, unhappily flailing her arms and legs around. "Or not."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I rested on the sofa, extra puppy pads beneath me, as the doula and the parents did the 'lotus ceremony' on the other side of the room. I'd had to sit on that stool for an extra twenty minutes until the placenta passed -- Ray and Tess wanted to have a lotus birth, where the cord was burned through only after the afterbirth was delivered.

I didn't want to know what they planned to do with the placenta itself.

Ray had offered to drive back to the women's shelter later that day to grab my duffel bag for me. In my panic, I'd completely forgotten the overnight bag I'd packed. So, for the time being, I was naked and covered only by the thin blanket Tess had given me.

The lotus ceremony finished up, and Ray and Tess pulled up some chairs to sit beside me. Tess had gone topless and had laid a sleeping Suri carefully across her chest, doing skin-to-skin so they could establish the proper mother-baby bond. Her eyes were red and raw, and fresh tears were falling from them.

"Fawn," she began, "you'll never know how much this means 'ta us."

"You're welcome," I said, offering the couple a tired smile. "She was a rowdy tenant, but I'd gladly do it again to give you guys the family you want. You'll be an amazing mom, Tess."

Tess let out a small sob that turned into a chuckle. "Thank 'ya."

Ray rubbed his wife's back, his own fresh tears falling. "We have something very special to give you, Fawn. It's...the closest thing we have to fully repaying you."

Tess nodded. "Money ain't enough. It would never be enough."

In sync, both couples removed the pieces of jewelry I'd never seen them without: Tess, her quartz pendant; Ray, his sea glass bracelet. Without a word, both new parents bestowed the items on me as if it were a coronation. Tess slipped the pendant around my neck and flipped my hair out from under the chain it hung on. Ray carefully slid the band of clattering sea-green beads over my hand until it came to rest softly on my wrist.

I looked at the new gifts with a grateful smile. "Something to remember you guys by?"

The couple gave each other one of their classic knowing grins.

"No," Tess said. "We chose these items months ago. They were always intended for who our surrogate would be."

I tilted my head to the side like a confused dog -- I guess the puppy pads were appropriate after all. "What?"

"From the day we met you, we've been praying over them," Ray explained, repeating the hand-over-heart motion I'd frequently seen him do with the hand that had worn the bracelet. "Each milestone we reached, we made sure our joy in the moment was stored in the crystals."

"Quartz is best to channel the energy of a mother, for Mother Gaia," Tess explained. "Glass shaped by the sea is best for a father's energy, for all life was fathered by the sea."

We were silent for a while, just staring at each other. The only sound was the soft cooing Surinder made in her sleep.

"We want you 'ta be a part of this family, Fawn," Tess said. "We've put a part of our essence into these crystals. Our joy, our love, our gratitude. So, whenever 'ya wear 'em, we'll be with 'ya."

Now I was crying. I opened my jaw to say something, but nothing came.

"We've talked about it, and..." Ray said with a smile. "...if you would like to, we'd be more than happy to have you stay here with us until you get back on your feet."

"Livin' out here has been much less of a headache than in the city," Tess continued. "We could help you find a nice 'lil place of your own sometime soon, a home where you can make a life for 'yaself."

There was another pause. I let tears fall silently down my bewildered face.

"You don't talk much about 'ya family," Tess said. "You don't owe us no explanation, but...Ray and I figured...you might need someone in 'ya corner."

That was it. That was the killing blow.

I jumped forward and threw my arms over Ray, collapsing into sobs I hadn't experienced in months. I would've grabbed both of them, but Tess had the baby. I didn't actually say anything to them, but I think they got the message.

Maybe there was something to those New Age ideas of theirs. As I sat there sobbing, I swear I could feel the warmth of Tess and Ray's love seeping into my skin through those minerals.

It seeped through my blood and sinew, and even though bone. It settled into the bleeding wound in my soul that refused to heal, the one that had been torn open the first time I called my family after the fallout:

My own mother, the one who promised to love me no matter what life threw, plunged the knife in and twisted it. The last words she ever spoke to me...were a threat to kill me if I ever tried to come back home.

The warmth of Ray and Tess's gift poured into that wound like warm honey -- not healing it, but soothing it for the first time in three years.

Maybe I was overthinking it. Maybe the heat in the jewelry was just from their body heat.

But I was sure about one thing:

I wasn't alone anymore.

~ END ~

#Fawn Drabbles #mittysins #birth kink #RP Drabble

[whatismylife3]

I get why people are sceptical about the “Drive it out” video - this kind of thing should have been done long ago and they should provide more details on what the plans are to tackle this problem. I do think we need to give it chance though to see what they actually do.

However. I am seeing a lot of finger pointing at other drivers fanbases for being the main problem and I just wanna say… it literally not down to just one driver fanbase, it’s basically ALL OF THEM.

No driver fanbase is without toxic and disgusting fans lbr-

• a popular Charles fan page on here said Carlos needed to kill himself and had consistently made derogatory comments to him. I have now blocked them so I dunno if they are still doing it but there was definitely a severe lack of people calling them out at the time. Seemed to be one Carlos fan did and that’s when people said something.

•merc fans sent death threats to Nicky after Abu Dhabi - and I’m saying merc fans because that’s what I saw and tbh no other team fans really had a reason.. unless they just hated max so maybe I should say mostly merc fans.

•there has been racist abuse towards any driver who is not white from multiple fanbases - pretty sure I remember Alex’s family having to be told not to look at comments on any socials because people were saying they eat cats amongst other things, and the amount of people who were awful to Zhou when he was announced by Alfa Romeo was insane. Can’t mention racist abuse without mentioning Lewis - the fact there are people who think it’s okay to call him slurs is vile. I get people don’t like have to like him, but the fact some peoples first insult to him is racist will never make sense and shows more about that person than Lewis. I do see this more on twitter tbh.

•people constantly wishing drivers to crash… even after Silverstone this year! Wtf is wrong with those people?! Drivers have died - most drivers on the grid know someone who has died from this in their career. I usually only see other drivers fans call out people who say that. Fans of the same driver seem to be quiet most of the time.

•Lando fans vs Daniel fans on the regular and they get really nasty. I’m fed up of the war going on between them.

•Lewis fans vs max fans CONSTANTLY at it when at least those drivers can show respect towards one another. They might not be friends but they seem way more mature than some of their fanbases. I know there are respectful fans on both sides and I actually interact with some (lbr, their teams are the ones typically in the media making little comments anyway) - but there are definitely those who act like either driver murdered that persons entire family and is the reason for every war ever to happen. Like my god, some people need to touch grass.

•Carlos vs Charles fans - so many people were mad about Silverstone for Charles… but the truth ferrari fucked up and that doesn’t mean Carlos didn’t deserve a win. Vice versa - I’ve seen some Carlos fans hating on Charles when something happens that affects his race.

There are so many more examples but I’d literally be constantly listing so I’ve put the ones I’ve seen most and some examples that have just stood out to me.

Instead of pointing the finger at each other, which does absolutely nothing but causing fights, actually hold fans accountable for their words. Not just of drivers you don’t like, but people who support your driver. All that person is doing is contributing to the toxic and hateful environment that seems to be all I see when I now go online. All it does is create a bad name for the driver and make people think all the fans of that driver behave that way. I’m sick of coming online and wondering what fucking fan war I’m about to witness and what happened when I was offline.

And I know people will say “but this drivers fans are worse”, I DONT CARE. I’ve said what I’ve said. It’s about making EVERYONE accountable for their words/actions instead of just the fans of drivers you don’t like. If you don’t hold everyone accountable, even if you’re friends with someone saying this toxic stuff, you’re part of the problem. that does include drivers too - but some people are very picky on which driver they think needs to be held accountable and which doesn’t… which makes no sense. Either hold every driver to that same standard or none of them, don’t pick and choose which driver needs accountability and which doesn’t

End of rant. I just needed to say this💀

#f1 #formula 1 #daniel ricciardo #max verstappen #charles leclerc #sebastian vettel #lando norris #mick schumacher #fernando alonso #esteban ocon #lance stroll #lewis hamilton #nicholas latifi #pierre gasly #sergio perez #alex albon #carlos sainz jr #george russell #kevin magnussen #yuki tsunoda #zhou guanyu #valtteri bottas

[artificial-ascension]

Somethings been watching me sleep lately... It's been the past three nights and it has an extremely strong presence. I can literally sense when it's moving and where it's going and what it's doing it's ao strong. I can't see it but I see it in my dreams and receive flashes of visions.

It's this big tall shadowy thing, definitely not a shadow person but it is shadowy. It has the rough silhouette of a person but it's very undetailed, like basically just a head, shoulders and straight all the way down. I swear at times I can make out facial features and one time it had what looked like long hair but usually it's face is just a normal, perfectly straight and white set of human teeth with no lips or gums and two white slits for eyes. Sometimes it streches out to be super tall but usually it's like 7ft. It has arms as I've sensed it try and touch me before and they're long and thin with giant clawed hands. It doesn't seem to have legs though, it just glides across the ground.

I mentioned that it tried to touch me, that was this morning. It doesn't actually touch me, just get it's hand really close and then pull away. It seems to only do that when my back is turned to it and ny skin is exposed. It trails behind me and if I'm in bed and I stop looking towards it it gets super restless and stars floating around my room like it's pacing back and forth. It gets similarly restless when my door is closed at night but I'm not sure why. It stays in dark part of the house and follows me when I'm there but always stays a few feet behind and stops when I stop. I'm not sure if it follows me outside when it's dark because I never feel it outside, but there's a chance it dose.

Notably it doesn't feel hostile. Belive me there are hostile entities around and this thing isn't one of them. My room is also typically devoid of entities, most likely because I too am extremely hostile and not easy to fuck with (unlike brother who has been chased down the hall before) and the ghost just don't like my energy. Obviously there are other ones such as the thing in a the geust room, the one in the basment behind the chairs and whatever horrible monster is at the top of the hill all of which never enter my room of course but are still troublesome. Now the interesting part here is that those things have been weakened in the past couple days. Obviously we have someone staying with us so thing in the guest room is pissy seeing as it hates people and angerly sit there ans stares at them until they leave its room if they try and sleep there (again, I'm the only person it will leave for.) Thing in the basement is typically a non issue, just an asshole who gets mad someone is getting anythinh from downstairs. It probably likes to think that we all think it's the scary basement monster that chases you up the stairs but we don't have one of those because it's literally just my mind playing tricks (I've gotten good at differentiating actual creatures from stupid monkey brain paranoia) Either way both have been absent, replaced by my stalker who I have named Omen for reasons. There are other creepies in the house but they aren't as common as those other two who are garenteed to be in their spots always but literally all of them seem to have been replaced by Omen at least for me.

This is what makes me think that this thing is not malevolent, in fact there's a possibility it's trying to warn me of something or help me even. My proof again being that it follows me around and gets super freaked out when I'm not fully alert and that it also seems to ward off other entities. Of course, Omen seems to not do anything about the thing at the top of the hill but I'm not sure if it goes outside or if it could be stdong enough to deal with that thing. (I'm not sure what it is but it's horrible. Honest to god the only being I genuinely believe would try to hurt me and I think it could. I won't go into detail, but I am very scared of it.)

Anyways, I'm thinking of trying to contact it. I've never tried to speak with any other things in the house (if they wsnt to communicate that's their problem not mine) but I wanna know this guys deal. Also I know it's not malevolent but it's scaring me. I'm having trouble sleeping.

#also brother also feels the house is less haunted and he's more intuned to the paranormal than me #he also has a ghost that watches him sleep but like ghosts bothing him is nothing new #again. this is the guy who was actually chased by something #paranormal #I want to say ughh #unreality #for safety

[murdering-time]

(// true! I do get that- shipping is nice and all, especially when you get down to the character development and relationships and stuff, but what about the ones that want to do something general?? Without it being overwhelming including so many people at one time?

Also mun, you say ramble like that's a threatening promise but I promise you I would watch the absolute shit out of a video essay on jervis tetch- just can't promise it'll be in one setting, since adhd and attention span go brr)

-- ☎️

// I'm keeping this post to write the thoughts on. //

Annotated by Dictaphone

I am going to ramble about Jervis Tetch because I need to get this essay done. I'm so glad I have typed his name in so much that my phone fucking recognizes his name, great, this makes it so much easier, let me get the post up really quickly, I have it saved somewhere in my drafts but there are a lot of thoughts about Jervis that I have have and I shall - I shall voice those -- I shall voice these opinions.

hold on ok where do I want to start...

So the ask post says "mun you say ramble like that's a threatening promise but I would watch the absolute shit out of a video essay on Jervis Tetch, can't promise it will be in one sitting since ADHD and attention span that"

Still I'm going to get my WordPress up really quickly because I've written most of this already ... I don't need to login in, do I not have my phone... I don't... is it -- excuse me

No you know what - I was going to talk - I was going to talk while I get this loaded so the thing I really like about Jervis is that there's a lot.

There's a lot. There are so many qualities to him and things that I want to touch upon; his obsessive nature; the clear mental illness coding; and just I guess if he could be saved in general... so to start with would be the hyperfixations and The Obsession

I don't know how to do like enter so I'm just going to rattle it off so when was -- this is purely the Animated Series for the record and just because that's the one I'm most familiar with -- so this will likely be a ramble that I natter on and on and on about; I can make it more coherent at some point when I read it

Judge and jury; analysing Jervis tetch

a dive into the portrayal of decline within Batman

and it really is just like - that's another thing I want to touch on Alice, the Decline, and just him in general, so I basically started to say it's like -

it is a common statement among many DC fans to say that Batman does more harm than good; whether this is to Gotham, the people of it, or those who become his nemesis. the Animated Series even goes so far as to hold a mock trial for the bat himself; however this small piece won't be diverge further than the episode mentioned as "mad as a hatter"

I will reference some of the other episode but it is - it is good to keep it to "mad as a hatter" as enough. after all if we want to see if Bats really did cause Jervis' downfall then his precipice must be identified either before or during his first interaction with batman himself, and depending on that, whether or not Tetch could have been redeemed and when so.

The first introduction to our Mad Hatter is seemingly a regular rendition of a scientist exstatic over his device and having finished the project with outstanding results, already someone to sympathise with, he's achieved a goal and something clearly he's been discouraged to do if not definitely mocked for by the debunking naysayers within his community.

As "they all laughed" when he proposed the thesis, already it is clear that the man will go out of his way to achieve his goals and to gather definite results and prove to himself that he's worth something within his field and the company.

The underlying issue is, of course, self confidence...and where the desire to succeed comes from, taking note of the fact that his goal was to control creatures to act "more civilized". But even then, he goes as far as to state he could "control anything". This need for manipulation is clearly where Mr. Tetch's downfall begins.

Within 5 minutes into the 20-minute episode roughly quarter of the way through we're shown that service has the ability to be reasonable if not a mild mannered man

yeah it is clear that he suffers from some form of social anxiety as it is Made clear in his introduction.

it is apparent when talking to to Kate's he clearly has some form of hierarchical understanding of the company aware that Cates sits above him and Bruce sits above her. it is to Tetch's understanding that he must be accepted by his peers to be respected, his work done with the rats shows a clear understanding of not on neurological prowess but also a technological strength in that he has worked on his own circuitry and that he has developed his own programming and -- and Concepts for mind control

It is that we are introduced to Alice but we are also introduced through -- through subtlety and -- and background Cues that Jervis has an obsessive personality. So the episode itself is called "mad as a hatter", we are then introduced to Jervis tetch immediately after we see he in the background has an Alice in Wonderland poster.

It is never drawn upon though it is upon meeting the character Alice that we see this is where the focus of the episode will go and knowing that he is "mad as a hatter" we can only assume that this is where his downfall begins.

Prior to his downfall, it is established that Alice and him have a close relationship because she treats him as a human being; he goes on to say that she's the only one to really understand him and it is at that point that Alice says that she was lucky to have a man like him in her life alongside her partner who has not yet been introduced --introduced in a sentence in that we are made aware of the fact that she has a relationship. we are experiencing the shock alongside Jervis

Except in our case the shock is not so much we are hurt, it is more so we were led to believe that with Alice he is very very clearly smitten and very clearly socially anxious. We were to believe that either this would be that he is Hatter and she is his Alice, or that this story would be more likely his downfall over Alice.

It is interesting to note that in the original text for Alice in Wonderland she was uninvited to the tea party and that Jervis is the uninvited party in this episode... it is unusual connection to make but it is also something worth noting almost as if the to the two texts are foils to each other or rather the two medias are foils to each other; so where as the Mad Hatter was already mad in Wonderland we get to see Jervis go mad, and as Alice was uninvited in Wonderland we see Jervis as the uninvited party.

Whether the writer's intended this or not, Jervis is very clearly coded in a certain way -- he is very clearly coded to have some form of mental illness -- most like other roagues. Whether this is because of the 90s being the 90s, or because the writer's wanted them to be mentally ill and and create a tragedy from that --

See I think Edward would be the best example referring to Riddlers reform where we see him have a breakdown. it is a tragedy in a bitter sense. You can see this brilliant wonderful man who has a mind worth bragging about go down a root of his own self-fulfilling prophecy of a complete meltdown.

That's another thing for another day

So within the analysis we can see that his obsessive nature towards this presence is derived from the fact that he's obsessed with Alice in Wonderland. I do not believe that he was obsessed with Alice because of who she is I believe he was obsessed with her because she was caring to him and because her name is Alice.

It stems from the work that he's obsessed with, because it is to with something that he cares about and she has treated him kindly in an environment where he's been ostracised and socially neglected due to his mental health, and the way he acts, and his obsessive nature, and his completely ridiculous scientific reports that he divulges in. So when she treats him kindly, and the fact that her name is Alice just completes the the prime example of whatever he's looking for; kindness, sympathy, and better yet something wonderland.

Even when it's his private studies with the mice that replicates Wonderland because you can see the dormouse having tea so all throughout everything Jervis does it's motivated by Wonderland in some sense.

You see him grow from that anxious man when first meeting Bruce and then he grows agitated at Kate's -- I believe I need to refresh myself with the episode so I usually know it fairly well -- I usually know it word for word --

So he grows agitated upon hearing that Alice has a partner because he -- he already thinks that he deserves her because he sees himself too consciously as the Hatter -- he thinks that Alice is part of his world, not part of Billy's world, not that he knows who Billy is right now.

So it's at that point already that I truly think he is beyond saving. The fact that he or rather -- you know that's where we see the downfall truly start -- I don't think batman had anything to do with it, but I do think that Jervis not getting the help he required made or not even being able to recognise that he ostracize himself and isolates himself to a point of obsessive Madness, I think the fact that wasn't brought up is definitely not great. I think at that point, this is -- we were -- we see the start of the downfall as the rest of the episode plays out but it's definitely that Turning Point where he sees himself entitled to Alice.

Through the anger of her already having a partner that he basically Dons the Hatter Namesake.

I think through his obsession and through his isolation he -- he has his downfall and it's a lot of the rogues that do this to themselves almost in the sense that they are truly helpless to the way that their minds think.

Which makes sense because a lot of them are coded to be mentally ill I think the only person so far that I've gotten up to --I've gotten up Clock King -- no that's not true I've got a past that, I've gotten up to fear of Victory -- but through -- through watching the episodes the only person I have no remorse for in the animated series is the first iteration of crane because the first iteration of Crane was merciless -- he was merciless and it was painful to watch How Little remorse he had and -- and his motivation was spite so I-- I can't empathize with the animated Crane at all nothing -- I can't -- I cannot emphasise with the "nothing to fear" crane at all -- but it's interesting to compare them all against each other.

Scientists you can compare-- each scientist against each other especially scientists with an obsessive drive.

We completely and directly compare and contrast Jervis and Kirk, both the scientist with an obsessive drive, both the scientists who go out of their way to understand their obsession, and -- and both have research fuelled by obsession. Kirk has his bats Jervis is Wonderland.

So you have on one hand Kirk langstrom who is literally sacrificing his body and himself to his work, and on the other hand you have Mad Hatter who's sacrificing the people around him and it is interesting to note that Kirk is socialised and has a wife where as Jervis is completely isolated on his own.

It almost begs to-- to say that the people around you help you become who you are or at least in rogue senses... so Kirk you know his wife helps him in the end if I remember correctly and Jervis just doesn't because Kirk has that support but Jervis does not have that support at all so he becomes Maddened

It's more of a tragedy because you see it have an effect on him and those around him. Jervis has no support system at all and it's just-- it's just that notion of -- you know -- if you are supported you will still you know -- you -- you are still susceptible to Villainy but there is a way to help because instead of going to Arkham I believe Kirk is given a cure so there's this Direct comparison between the two of them; both scientists, both to have romantic interests, both have an obsessive personality, one of them is cured the other's sent to Arkham. I don't see Jervis not going to Arkham but I do pity him I do pity him a lot

With his relationship, to how he sees himself, there is clearly a lot of -- a lot of similarities between how he sees himself and how he sees the Hatter.

For example, he talks to his mice which then they have tea as like in the book, and he -- he has found people outcast him for being eccentric so he truly believes that because he is outcast he is mad or at least is made to be mad.

Additionally with how he is physically and with the way they designed him he looks very similar to the original Hatter it makes him even more singled out, so when he is isolated and he's working on his neurotech and he's obsessed with the book etc etc it is -- it is like he is projecting and to an extreme extent as well where in the book The hatter and Alice are amicable together -- it is completely different in the animated series

This is in contrast to Cates is specifically important because we are following Tetch's narrative. We as the audience villainize Kate's alongside Jervis Tetch that we only see her as a very blunt and forward woman and the way that she treats Tetch seems unfair. That we have only known him for a couple of seconds to be positive immediately the narrative is already biased because we don't know the context of what Cates is like. because she has every right to be angered and concerned and we can only assume that this is at the end -- or this is the at the end of something that has been building and building for a while.

And so with that in mind, we have to understand that where Cates is very career-orientated, she clearly cares for Alice to some degree. You can see her comfort her when she's left by Billy, she clearly doesn't emphasise but she has a lot of sympathy. Knowing this we can somewhat established that Cates is looking out for Alice and the fact that she has a distaste of Tetch proves that this is to some extent -- if not a lot of extent -- nefarious.

We also don't know how old he is. We know that Alice looks incredibly young and already there with that like seemingly large age-gap it's even worse.

I truly believe that Alice is too nice for her and good. When Jervis takes her out to Wonderland -- which is another thing and itself you can analyse -- that in itself she says that he's a silly little man so you already get painted -- you already get painted -- you already get painted this picture of -- of like naivety almost -- but like -- kind naivety so she definitely -- I don't know -- she was susceptible to -- to -- to -- no, not manipulation necessarily -- but definitely some form of mind fuckery...

I mean it's Tetch, you know you don't get Jervis without mind fucking but like I don't know -- I think the fact that Alice is the way that she is and she's supposed to be that -- if she's clearly looking at the good and everyone...

It is is any old Alice for Jervis but this Alice because of the way that she is and that -- it just makes it even worse because she's in more danger towards Jervis which I truly believe was what Cates was on the lookout for.

BASICALLy in conclusion, no Batman didnt make Tetch, he was simply a catalyst and Jervis was already the Hatter the moment we met him. He just chose to don the namesake after growing posessive of Alice to an obsessive degree.

#jesus fucking christ I rambled #here you go #you can see how I talk #Im glad I didnt stutter half as much as I usually do thank fucking god #though a lot of words I had to correct just because my phone didnt recognise I stumble on a good few words #anyway yeah #Jervis Essay #but like #not a formal one #just thoughts on a page #try to make sense of that what you can #Ill write it up later properly #ive been meaning to do this a while #ooc #mun #long post

[passerine-writes]

Symbols - Chapter 4

Warnings: Mentions of anxiety, negative thoughts Word count: 1633

Masterlist

Chapter 3 | Chapter 5

The guilt settled in when I saw Bokuto the next day. He looked horrible, the dark circles under his eyes said it all. His eyes didn't shine as bright and he didn't try and talk to me. Akaashi hasn't either

A week and a half passed after the library incident and neither of them had made an attempt to talk to me. I was prepared to be alone permanently, after high school I'll go to some college and meet someone new. Right?

Wrong.

How terribly wrong I was to think that they had all given up when the most persistent person alive has yet to confront me.

From Kuroo: We need to talk

So much for a relaxing Saturday afternoon.

To Kuroo: No we don’t, I already told the others that they wouldn’t understand so just give it a rest. Sorry Mr. Chemistry, but I don’t believe in soulmates. I never have and I doubt I will.

From Kuroo: Who said soulmates can’t just be friends with each other?

He had me there.

To Kuroo: Fine, but I’m not doing this over text.

From Kuroo: I’m on my way over

To Kuroo: No, I haven’t had friends over since elementary school and I’m not starting now. Where do you want to meet up?

From Kuroo: The park that we all used to hang out at, I’ll be there in ten

I sighed dramatically and got changed. He can wait for all I care, it's a five minute walk and I haven't even fully woken up yet. I slipped on a pair on leggings, a long sleeve and a sweater, my hair pulled back into a messy bun as I checked to make sure I have everything. It was starting to cool off a little, but just enough that I did need to layer. Just enough that the wind is starting to chill.

Once I got to the park, it was like muscle memory took over as I walked to what we used to call our designated bench. Kuroo was already there, sitting patiently until he saw me. He sprung up and went for a hug but I stepped back, a discomfited look taking over his features.

“Sorry, I uh, don’t really like being touched.” My voice was awkward as I sat down, Kuroo sitting down a few inches away from me.

“You suck at lying.” My cheeks flared but I blamed it on the wind. “Physical affection is basically your main love language, platonic or romantic. You told me that you were touch starved constantly even if Koutarou would be all over you. You don’t have to lie to me, you’ve never been able to.” I swallowed the lump in my throat, not expecting him to be this forward about it. “So what changed? I see what those two mean, you’re different now.”

“A lot changed.” His head tilted towards me, not expecting me to be vague yet honest.

“Keiji has a theory,” my breathing halted for a moment, “he thinks you don’t like soulmates and run from talking about it because of your parents.” The lump in my throat swelled, they weren’t supposed to know about that. “Based off of your reaction, he was right. Him and Kou told us about what happened. But my gut is telling me there’s more to it that they don’t even know about.” Damn you Kuroo.

“You wouldn’t understand, okay? It’s not as straight forward as everyone wants to tell themselves. I get it, you all want to help or whatever but why won’t you guys just stop? You’re supposed to be mad at me because it makes it easier to stay away and feel less guilty about the choice I made.” He was silent and I looked away, fighting back the tears in my eyes.

“I never told you about my parents. They were soulmates, but they fought. All the time it was just constant fighting. So I started going to my Grandma’s house as much as possible, she lives next door to Kenma, so I would go there too. When I was nine, my parents divorced and my Grandma legally adopted me. I blamed the soulmate bond at first, thinking it would solve everything. But then I realized that it wasn’t the bond. It was the people. Both of my parent weren’t the best people separately but together? They were ten times worse. When I realized that, I was probably fourteen at the time. And I told myself that when I met them, I would do everything in my power to not make it turn out like my parents. So I don’t blame you for how you’re reacting and how you’re feeling. I don’t know what else may have happened but I do understand.” It fell silent, a thick blanket of nerves in the air.

“I’m sorry.” 

“What are you apologizing for?”

“For how I left, making Bokuto think you guys did something wrong, leaving without an explanation and causing Kenma to have more panic attacks because I was just being selfish.” I bit my lip and fiddled with my fingers. “I cope by isolating. I- I shut down. I shut everyone out don’t let them see what I’m feeling. But then, I go too far. I get scared of going back so I don’t.” Because I deserve it, I don’t deserve for them to come back to me.

“We all miss you, but I think it’s time you give them a proper explanation too. Plus, you being around will help your panic attacks, along with Kenma’s. But it’s gonna be harder not giving you any physical affection, so can we get the bonds opened and we can be four guys dating with their girl best friend? And if you change your mind down the road, then we’ll go from there.” I froze up and thought about it. The vulnerability scaring me. They would be able to know so much, how I’m feeling, when I’m not okay, when I’m hurt. Bokuto isn’t smart enough to put it together unless he really thinks about it but usually he’s going to dull it down to volleyball or “emo” mode.

“I- I can’t just yet. I’m sorry. With Bo, it’s one thing because he sorta accidentally found out and grabbed my shoulder. I just, I’m not ready to be that vulnerable.” Kuroo nodded and stood up.

“Well, let’s head over to Kenma’s house. We can swing by your place and grab your PSP and medication. My Grandma lent me her car today since I wouldn’t be out long.” With a deep, shaky breath, I nodded and followed him to the car.

The entire drive was nerve rattling, the closer we got the faster my leg bounced against the car floor. Kuroo kept sending worried glances my leg every few seconds, probably concerned I was about to drill a hole in the floor with my foot. But he didn’t bring it up. Once we pulled into his driveway, I felt nauseous and clammy as the realization that this was real punched me in the face.

“You okay, little atom?” My heart twisted at the old nickname he gave me in middle school. I just nodded and kept my mouth shut, not wanting to risk another word vomit. He sighed but lead the all too familiar way to Kenma’s room. He knocked on the door and smirked, his body hiding my own. “We have a guest today.” He moved and gave me a dramatic entrance. Kenma and Akaashi stared at me in shock, but Bokuto got excited very fast. Barreling forward and encasing me in a hug. Slowly and awkwardly, I hugged back, the familiar feeling of his strong arms making me feel protected eased my nerves a small amount. He abruptly pulled away and his head hung low.

“Sorry, forgot you don’t like being touched.” He sounded like a kicked puppy and looked like one too.

“You’re alright, Bo.” His head shot up at the nickname, clearly taking it as making progress and smiled brightly. 

“Alright, before he gets too excited. Say what you need to and set your boundaries. We won’t push you.” I nodded as my body buzzed with anxiety. The three of them watched intently as I awkwardly walked into the room and sat on the very edge of Kenma’s bed. The Kozume in question currently sitting in one of his bean bags, Akaashi on the bed a foot or two away from me, Bokuto opting to sit on the floor and Kuroo leaned against a wall.

“I’m sorry, for leaving abruptly, a-and with no explanation. None of you guys did anything. I just, I don’t believe in soulmates for me. After what happened with my parents, I can’t do it. I’m okay with being friends again if you all would be open to that. But, I run when I get scared. When I saw the soul symbols for the first time, I cried and I didn’t know what else to do, so I ran and it just got harder to come back. I’m sorry if any of you thought you did something wrong, I promise you didn’t. And I- uh, I’m not ready to open all the bonds yet. I’m not ready for it just yet but until I am, I’m okay with Bokuto hugging me and stuff since he already accidentally opened the bond.” Everyone was silent, but Bokuto nodded happily, liking that things were getting better. Akaashi and Kenma muttered a small okay and soon three of the boys were in a conversation. I pulled out my PSP and hesitantly invited Kenma to a game. His head snapped up, instantly meeting my eyes and allowed the smallest of smiles out before joining.

#haikyuu #kenma #kozume #kozume kenma #kuroo #tetsurou #kuroo tetsurou #akaashi #keiji #akaashi keiji #bokuto #koutarou #bokuto koutarou #soulmate au #bokuakakuroken #polyamorous #series #lgbt #x oc

[rjalker]

You know what? I'm not even mad. I'm just going to assume this person is being overly defensive because they've been dealing with Adrien and Lila stans and seeing the shit they say.

Here's the link to the fic, which this person has completely misunderstood.

Here's the link to part 2

Here's the link to part 3

Anonymous said:

Alright. I get what you were going for here. And before I say anything, your writing and the way you do descriptions and how the characters speak is incredible, really talented work. However, if this fic was a soup, it'd taste like the ocean.

Marinette is a horrible character, that's true. But Alya clearly isn't a saint either and Adrien is almost as bad with his obsession.

Basically, the way relationships and crushes are handled in this show is garbage.

But the way you portrayed Lila, who we as the audience knows is a pathological liar, makes her seem like you either love her and believe she hasn't done anything wrong or wrote this before her characterization took a nose dive. Not to mention it was shown within the episode of Marinette actually exposing her lies or them being shown fake. (i.e. throwing the napkin or when her disability suddenly went away when Adrien was moved to the back).

The show insults Alya's intelligence too often, but with the way you write her I cannot seriously believe you do as well. Ignoring all of Alya's (and nearly every other girl classmates) encouragement of Marinette's constant toxic behavior and the fact that Adrien is shown as uncomfortable around any girl whose shown explicit romantic interest in him, save for Kagami.

It really seems like you only wrote this for two reasons: 1. That you love Elder Scrolls

and

2. Hate Marinette.

If that's the case then by all means, vent away at how this child should have her superhero status revoked and end her days cold and alone.

But don't act like every other character is marginally better; because only a handful are, and neither Adrien nor Lila are one of those characters.

You're still an amazing writer so continue to hone your skills.

Like. I literally did not "portray" Lila or Adrien as anything. They are literally not in the fic at all.

IDK, maybe they're extra defensive beause 90% of the Marinette "salters" in this fandom are just straight up racist misogynists who will defend Adrien to their dying breaths, but IDK how to tell you people this, but rightfully criticizing Marinette does not mean I think Lila hasn't done anything wrong or Adrien's perfect or Alya's never done anything wrong (though it should be noted this fic was written in August 2020, lol).

Like. Oh my gods people. Criticizing one character does not mean I stan the other characters who literally aren't even in the fic.

How the hell do you come away from this thinking I have no problem with Adrien's behavior when I literally went out of my way to have it be a Known Fucking Fact that Marinette doesn't like being touched without permission and literally screamed in fear one time when Adrien came up behind her and touched her shoulder without warning??? Alya doesn't even have half the information going on in this series, and she notices that her friend has a problem with being touched without permission.

Anon, how about -- and I suggest this kindly -- stop interacting with Adrien stans, literally just block them on sight, wait like two weeks so you can chill out, and then come back and read this fic again when you're no longer instinctively defensive whenever someone criticizes Marinette because anytime an Adrien stan does it it's because they're being racist misogynists.

I promise you, I do not want Marinette to stop being a superhero, I do not want her to be "cold and alone" and miserable for the rest of her life. I promise you, it's possible to criticize this character without being a racist misogynist who is wishing death and worse upon her.

This fic is not about these characters being "horrible characters". This is not meta. This is about their interactions and relationships as they appear in-universe, with no omniscient audience POV.

It's just Alya, with all the facts she has at hand. Alya does not even half half the information Marinette does, and we as the audience have even more information than Marinette does!

The point of this fic is not to say "Oh Alya's perfect and has never done anything wrong, Adrien's also great and awesome and Lila's just a victim". The point of this fic is that from Alya's point of view, she has no reason to trust Marinette or take her word for it that Lila's a liar.

The point of this fic is that no matter what Lila's done, what Adrien as Chat Noir has done, that still doesn't justify the way Marinette acted towards Lila before she even met her or knew she was lying about things, and Marinette following Adrien around trying to sabatogue his relationships is not okay, no matter what other horrific shit Adrien does to her as Chat Noir.

The entire point of this fic is that Marinette is not perfect and needs to be called out, and, especially from Alya's perspective, with the little knowledge she is allowed to have (Because literally everyone, including Marinette, is lying to her!), Marinette's behavior looks like it is 100% motivated by jealously and posessiveness.

I literally did not "portray" Lila or Adrien at all. They are not in the fic. I cannot "portray" a character that is literally not in the story. What you read is Alya's perspective on them, and it is a limited perspective beacuse, again, literally everyone including her best friend is lying to her. It is not Alya's fault she doesn't have all the information when everyone, Marinette explicitly included--which is literally the whole point of conflict in this fic!--refuses to tell her the truth.

Block Adrien stans and other misogynists on sight. Block people who victim blame Marinette and say she deserves to be bullied by Lila.

Give it two weeks.

And then come back and read this fic again when you're no longer instinctively defensive because you've been trained to equate "someone criticizing Marinette" with "someone being unconscionably racist and misogynistic".

Like.

If that's the case then by all means, vent away at how this child should have her superhero status revoked and end her days cold and alone.

I don't know how you read this fic and came away thinking I want this child to "spend her days cold and alone" and revoke her superhero status, but I recommend you re-read it when you're no longer constantly facing the fresh hell that is Adrien stans, because that is not at all what this fic is saying. Even remotely. At all.

#Replies #to anons on another site lol since it doesn't let me reply to annoymous comments

[gonzoglass]

The Opening Salvo, Cheap Glass For NIKKORheads! headache-induced rambling.

A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step – Chinese proverb.

Nikon is probably one of the cheapest Camera brands to get into these days. That's mainly due to the fact that the F mount contains some of the most illogically cheap glass ever seen on a system to date! But there really hasn't been anyone trying to make a modern day, comprehensive list of all of the little buggers that exist. This is frankly due to the ever growing fact that there is too many lenses for one person to trouble themselves with because there can only be so many styles, focal lengths and F-stops one can touch on before they themselves become absolutely stone-mad and try to eat the canvas bag that holds your camera. There are people that review them as they come along and itemize them and props to those who can put up with that kind of cheap bullshit. But I’ll not bring Ken Rockwell into this whole charade if I don't have to.

Black-eyed Susans - Nikon D3, Nikkor AF-D 80-200mm F2.8 one touch, ISO 400, F3.2, 1/400 second

With the Glass Problem I have, it seems that i have no real basis to try and hunt for the Good pieces of shiny Circular Goodness on my own. Ken Rockwell can help as a sort of basic bitch barometer but his Certified Hot Takes and Oversaturated images can only carry me so far. The best thing I can do then, Really. Is get grounded and try to cope with what I can get to and throw out the rest as cheap bullshit for the hounds to go after. 1987 and beyond Glass that can actually be worth a Damn. But the method of finding the diamonds in the rough can roughly be equated to going Landmine-Hunting with a sledgehammer.

Forest Corridor. Nikon D3, AF-D Nikkor 18-35mm F3.5-4.5 ED, F9, 35mm, 1/500sec, ISO 640

With all of this and the above rambling, it feels like the best idea to me is to get some grounding on the opening of this Shameful Diary is to itemize the pros and cons of the glass I already have as I step up to get their newer counterparts alongside picking up some of the old, manual AI and AI converted numbers. Why not? It makes perfect sense to me. “Catalog what you know, pick up on what you don't” Maybe Ill Improve in this hobby for once in my life. But the immediate problem that I ran into with that angle is twofold. One; my collection of glass can best be described as “Eclectic” And two, if I really want to wring the potential Max Performance out of these shiny glass cylinders my brain is screaming at me that I should get a camera with a higher megapixel sensor inside of it. This idea gets constantly brought up by the council of mad gerbils that tens to run my inner thoughts, but is immediately shot down by the idea that the camera we would “like to step up to” the D850, does not supersede bills. So its immediately thrown out until I can cope with buying its just-as-capable cousin, the D800.

Dog! Nikon F4S. Ektachrome E100 Before I veer off into any tangents or this manic wave passes over me and ill be left in a catatonic slump. Ill itemize a few of the repeat Photon-Wranglers that will show up here and mention some of the glass I hope to gather and show off. In the vein hopes of becoming a niche internet micro-celebrity on a dead website that had strange porn on it coming out through the eyeballs. This is what I get for not bothering to make a proper website. But once again, things like that cost money, which i don't tend to have a lot of for long periods of time. mainly all of it is spent on fanciful trips or restocks on film, not to mention development of the buggers. But anyway!

Repeat appearances will include the; Nikon D3 Nikon F4S Nikon D800/D850 (When purchase of either is applicable) Nikon F FTN Eventual Glass Purchases;

AFS Nikkor 24-120mm F4 G type AFS Nikkor 50mm F1.8 G type AF-D Nikkor 24mm F2.8 AF-D Nikkor 35mm F2 AF-D Nikkor 300mm F2.8 ED

AFS Nikkor 200-500mm F5.6 ED VR E type Vogitlander Nokton 58mm F1.4 SL-2 S AFS Nikkor 300mm F4 D type AFS nikkor 28-300mm F3.5-5.6 G type Among others.

But as I Shuffle through the Glass I have in an effort to either Sell or keep them Maybe some special moment will arrive that will make me think that all of this spent money on glass, film development, digital bodies and endless hours working out how the fuck a modern flashgun works or how to edit my RAW files like i know what im doing will be all worthwhile. Or it will make me want to travel back in time and throttle whoever designed the AF-D 80-200mm F2.8 one touch to have its’ focal length be changed by jerking off the main section of the barrel.

Atlas 1/8/2024

#photography #nikon f #nikon f4 #nikonphotography #gonzo journalism

[redxblueihateloveyou]

hello 🌻 so I'm kinda new to thai bl, since my tl started going crazy. I saw the discussion under your recent video, I gathered you know things, so I was wondering who is the director you've mentioned and why people are going insane on twitter. or is it not common getting projects so close to each other?

Lol yeah I see lately more and more western fans are joining the madness, can't really tell if its good or nah, cause its totally not the safe place for "unproblematic purists", but we'll see how it goes xD

Oi, I’ll try to do this somewhat shortly, don’t hit me if I’m bad at expalining haha. Tee is most known for directing "Tharntype" and "Lovely writer", Aof directed "1000 stars", "Dark Blue Kiss"… "Bad Buddy". In the world of thai BL, they fall into a category of a very high quality ones, that fans love.

Long story short like we know that directors as it is everywhere play one of the most important parts, but when it comes to thai lakorns it basically can determine not only the quality of the shooting and the whole tone of the creation, but also the quality of the portrayal of the relationships/closeness etc. They in most cases decide everything up to the intimacy scenes and it's even up to them to say "do korean dramas fish kiss bc thats how I see it" (here's the fun fact about thai bl actors/directors for you, sometimes actors themselves don't wanna kiss normally, sometimes directors don't allow actors who wanna kiss normally to kiss normally). It's also their vision that decides how to twist the character and turn him into a complete opposite from the original material kind etc. They just literally hold everything in the hands most of the times, including scripts.

So fans already kinda split directors into categories who either make the original material worse than it is and fail to guide the actors into the right direction and those who can make a candy out of basics by bringing out the best in both the original material and actors.

That being said the two cookies right now due to the fact that they stole everyone's hearts and fired up everyone even just with looks + the fact that they want to keep doing bl together and having too much fun with it are now there basically the perfect snatch.

So the fact that P'Tee is doing a workshop with them already and both of the best directors want them and some famous screenwriters there too, means that they see a huge potential in them. And for fans it means that they can have quality content with their faves.

To describe their vibe/type of directing, I mean, it's different depending on the story for sure, but it's very I'd say.. natural. There won't be any "we're in a relationships but don't touch me" stuff or other "old classic intimacy cringe" you'd see in many lakorns. And when it comes to Tee, he has this great balance between tasteful steamy with all the emotions you need, which is also lacking these days.

So I yelled a bit too, I really was rooting for someone to see the beauty, but aparently everyone did, so it's all good. Good luck to them.

As for the last part. It's definitely not common, but getting projects so close to each other happened before. For example, Earthmix have two bl dramas coming out this year and short movies along with it too (that without counting all of their entertainment shows). What's not common is for P'Tee to grab on GMM actors so fast, but I don't blame anyone in this situation haha.

Hope, I explained it somewhat okay, sorry if its clumsy, it’s a bit hard to explain, depends on how new you are and what you’ve watched so far <3

#answered #anonymous #thai bl

[ethotv-archived]

can i PLEASE stop having dreams about minecraft youtubers in hunger ganes style battle arenas that devolve into cosmic madness THIS IS THE THIRD TIME. THE THIRD.

#the first was.... 4 years ago? #4 or 5 #then the night before i had a dream that it was like just a normal 100x100 challenge but the superpowers mod was installed and u had to kill #everyone else also tgere were teams? also jan misali was. tgere for some reason?? they had been hiding their power and the final team was #trackig them and they started flying to escape then FELL BACK DOEN mumbling ablut someone/thing called em #and LAST NIGHT. continuation of the last one. its a new tournament and theres no powers this time. tubbo is present #pov im captain sparklez for some reason. theres lots of chase scenes very cool ill skip those tho. and then people start going insane #so like. at this point its very messy and i dont fully know what was happening bc it switched from mc to real life to comics a lot #but now tgeres two Things in the sky. the blue one is called emma the yellow MIGHT be the egg??? or it didnt have a name and the egg was #just mentioned. so basically if you touch either of those you go mad not really sure what else. you might die? so when it was cs pov he got #caught by emma then boom im tubbo now #his team (himself ranboo jet star and maybe niki?) are backed up against a wall. just like chillin there #so i sneak over and look BEHIND tge wall and tgere it is. emma. theres also a weird creature that for some reason i think will help us #so i scream run and now i have no idea if i was saying run towards it or run away but ranboo just gets fucking mauled by it #more chase scenes yadda yadda people getting cornered by emma or the yellow thing and then theyre gone #and we switch BACK TO JAN MISALI. tgeres no flying this time but theyre doing it anyway and we fly past where emma and yellow are fighting #and keep going up and up and up until we reach the massive M in the sky (em). who tells jan that the fighting belowis ultimately useless as #eventually evrryone will serve her. then he falls back down and we realise oh shit this isnt new this is jans pov of the end of the last one #and then i woke up #.t2xt

[legendaryoikawa]

haikyuu boys in your typical romance cliche 

warnings: mention of alcohol and language

note: female reader insert

oikawa tooru — as the typical popular frat boy that you happen to stumble into because you were so damn wasted of alcohol or vodka. you happen to be invited in the biggest frat party ever and you didn’t know whether you should be thankful or ashamed that you gained freedom and liveliness for a short period of time or squashing your face on the chest of the gorgeous oikawa tooru? perhaps the latter. oikawa know you because you were one of those university girl that never gave a damn about him and in instant he grew fond and interested with you. he actually finds it cute to see you all puffy and red because of alcohol but other than that he isn’t gonna let you go this time, never, especially in this state of yours. he’s that typical cliche where he’ll pull your hair up while you throw out in the bathroom while caressing your back gently and wiping off your temples with his handkerchief. 

akaashi keiji — is the classmate that is really intimidating yet hot at the same time? you think you were quite lucky that you were assigned to seat beside him but the moment you gathered your things to move beside him, you can almost feel the weight of the piercing gaze of your classmates. anyways, you got assigned in a school project with him and he offers you his place since the school is bound to close at six and your place is not that appealing much either. so you both walked to his house and you can see the little things he does for you like pressing his body closer to your side when a creepy guy walks across or the ghost of his touch from your back when you both crossed the pedestrian or the way his hands slightly raises your bag cause he knows it’s heavy judging by your slouching. and when the young night passes away, he starts talking about his life and you too, until one moment he confesses that he really admires you, so much.

yamaguchi tadashi — you know yamaguchi and you’re good friends with him since you both live in the quiet neighborhood of sendai. you really love his freckles and usually compare them to constellations that makes him go flustered with his flyaway hair sticking up. he likes you but he’s just so meek and decides to never voice out his feelings. so yamaguchi is part of the photography club and is assigned to take a picture of a subject that is dear to them. and when he walked in the corridors all he could think off was just you. and so he did. you asked him while laughing, as to why he keeps on taking your pictures when you’re not a celebrity yourself, jokingly. but his answer left you off guard especially when he said, “my adviser told me to capture something so beautiful and i think it’s you.”

kageyama tobio  — he’s that boy that no matter how much he wanted to go home and rest, he’ll always wait for you patiently at your lockers despite you asking him to head first because you still have committee work after school. then one moment after the adviser has finished the meeting, you’re shocked to see him leaning against your locker while drinking in from his milk. the moonlight is already shining through the window panels; making his skin glimmer marvelously. you’ll just stare at him dubiously; not knowing what to say. and you feel yourself falling down crazily for him; heart’s erratic. because he waited for two hours at the lockers just to walk you home, even though you told him not to. and you know he’s impatient as fuck but there he is, waiting and snatching you bag away from you. he’ll give you a stare and flickers your forehead while saying, ‘idiot, you think I’ll let you walk home, alone?’ and you’ll just pull his blazer down to capture his lips and he’ll blush so hard lmaoo

kuroo tetsurou  — that transferee student everyone is talking about. with his dark hair, tall frame, and noted muscles— every girl is crazy about him. he is assigned to seat behind you; at the back by the window. and everything just spiralled down to complete euphoria, even you didn’t see it coming. he doesn’t talk much to your classmates. often dismissing a budding interaction from some girls. and it took you by surprise when he asked you for a pen because he left his pencil case in his friend (you heard him tell you his friend’s name, kenma it is?) and it just happen so quickly. everyday he’ll leave you sticky notes in your table with his messy handwriting saying how beautiful you are than the sun, or go out with me? with a little smile on the side. sometimes, you can feel him playing with your hair or reaching out to hold your hand underneath the table while the teacher is writing on the blackboard. 

hinata shoyo  — hinata will be that cliche where he will buy a cupcake because he could remember that it is one of your favorites. often running to your place because he missed the bus and will arrive at your place; his hair all messy and fluffy, panting, with his skin slightly flushed and glimmering with perspiration. or will let you cry on his shirt and won’t mind you soiling it despite the shirt being all new and crispy. he couldn’t bring himself to care to be honest, because his only concern is to make you feel better despite having his shirt all wrinkled and damp from your tears. 

bokuto kotaru  — is that typical boyfriend that would literally walk you down to your room despite his room being two buildings away from yours. he’s that dedicated. that every vacant period, he’ll fetch you off and lead you down to his department’s botanical garden. or will eat lunch with you in your room. or spending together in the library. he’s as fresh as lilies. young as the night. no matter how hard you cajole that you can walk yourself and he shouldn’t bother, he wouldn’t allow you. and will always carry your bag for you even though you can manage to carry it for yourself. he is also that kind of cliche where he’ll ask his professor is he needs something from your building and volunteers to get it for them just to visit you in you room. excusing you from your class and won’t say anything but just steal a peck from you a make a dash towards the faculty room with a proud smirk painting his face cause he rendered you speechless and flustered, again.

tsukishima kei  — is that typical cold guy in campus that everyone is lowkey scared of. you were asked by your biology teacher to borrow the books for the class’s current lesson from the library on the spot you took a beeline for the shelves as fast as you could. but for fuck’s sake all the books were placed at the topmost part of the science shelves. you stood there for a good minute while glaring at the books overhead. you know you were damned for good since there are no chairs nearby that are available and the librarian is nowhere to be seen. you stomped you feet in annoyance until you felt a looming presence behind you. a tall one. and the person smells of fresh vanillas as well. when you turned around, you saw tsukishima grabbing the books at ease and handing it to you and stalked away. you thanked him quietly but it was enough for kei to hear and he wasn’t wrong when he thinks you we’re cute while struggling to get those books on top of you. 

iwaizumi hajime  — that boy you hated to the core. you didn’t know why but he just goes right after your nerve. pressing of your buttons. iwaizumi is the bugbear of your life. yet for him, you’re the fucking cutest person he ever met in his life. and he doesn’t know why you’re so annoyed with his whole existence. but one time, he decided to play it off and decided to push your buttons more. there’s a debate in your class and he stood up to contradict your claims. and basically everyone could feel the sexual tension arising in the air, yet they didn’t utter a word. iwaizumi thinks you’re so hot when your mad and whenever you put an emphasis to him name. or the cliche where he yanked your arm when you’re about to leave the room just to playfully lean in your face, while whispering, ‘you’re so difficult, yet you’re making me want you more’ e2l, pls.

kozume kenma  — kenma is that typical boy that doesn’t allow people to play his console or his psp because it is something dear and precious to him. not even kuroo. no matter how his teammates beg to ask him for just one game, he’ll never allow except for you ;) to the point you don’t have to ask him, sometimes he’ll be the one to offer and let you play the recent game he just purchased lol

— part two will be posted soon! hope you guys like this,, i just started this yesterday with my love, @fratboyjae while we were casually throwing out cute blurbs to each other LOL HAHA. requests are currently open, send them in! love lots!

#haikyuu #haikyuu!! #haikyū!! #haikyuu fluff #haikyuu x reader #oikawa x reader #akaashi x reader #yamaguchi x reader #kageyama x reader #kuroo x reader #hinata x reader #bokuto x reader #tsukishima x reader #iwaizumi x reader #kenma x reader #haikyuu imagines #haikyuu x you #haikyuu x y/n #haikyuu headcanons #haikyuu smut

[chatonnoir]

Super new fan here butt Im curious as to why there seems to be -Im probably exaggerating- Adrien Stan's who like his chat Noir side or want him to be moore like Felix but not really him. Is there something wrong wit him? -just a vibe I got off of TikTok fans dat confuses me as much as the hate towards maribug-

Those are likely the basic straight girls who want Chat Noir to be this hypersexual masculine alphahole wattpad badboy for their bad heteronormative Chat Noir x Reader smut (often mislabeled as mari/chat with """Marinette"""" AKA reader-insert being jealous/upset that Chat Noir likes Ladybug only to turn around and be flattered when he flirts with the """"real her""""" smh real Marinette would never). They hate Adrien bc seeing him reminds them that he's actually a sweet gentle 14 year old boy with a babyface and a more feminine personality and that shatters the ~sexy alpha male~ illusion for them.

The first time I ever saw an ML tiktok, I saw endless comments talking about how "Chat Noir is sooo sexy but I don't like Adrien, Chat Noir is so much better" etc. and after that I resolved to never touch ML tiktok again. I also see similar shit in Youtube comments, alongside people hating on Buguinette or talking about how they want Chat Noir to ~get mad at Ladybug and then go fall in love with Marinette~ for the reasons mentioned above. I also just see videos that have godawful takes about the show, so I don't touch ML youtube anymore either.

As for the hate towards Buguinette .......... having been in online fandoms for like a decade, I can tell you that fans hating on a girl character for anything and everything, especially when a prettyboy character who everyone loves and/or lusts after is involved, is sadly the norm. If she dares to have agency/personality and isn't blank slate enough to be projected on to/self-inserted through, they'll hate her. If she's simply too nice and sweet, the people with insecurities about their own ugly personalities will decide she's a "mary sue" and hate her. If she likes a fan fave male character too much, she's annoying. If she so much as breathes near a fan fave male character incorrectly, then she's a stupid mean bitch and he "deserves better". If she dares to breathe near two dudes who are in a popular m/m ship, they'll decide she's annoying or they'll say she's a lesbian and box her off in a corner bc they don't actually care about lesbians, that's just a way to keep her "out of the way" in a way that looks good and woke. Jealousy towards fictional female characters is actually the corniest fandom phenomenon of them all

#answers #ml fandom salt #if i need to watch a trailer or something i open them on youtube in an incognito tab #that way i never get recommended bad ml videos on my account when i'm just trying to chill and watch a goddamn cooking livestream

[smittenzs]

Lets talk about Vex...

!!SPOILERS FOR SEASON ELEVEN OF NINJAGO!! !!TW: Mentions of Death, Mass Murder, and Enslavement. If any of those trigger you please scroll past. ------- (Note: I am going off of my recollection of Season Eleven, and the Ninjago wiki. If my facts aren't all straight, please lmk respectfully ^^) So. In my opinion, Vex is by far the darkest ninjago villain that we have seen so far (I have not seen season 15 yet, and I skipped season 12, so I don't have anything to say about either of those villains) followed by The Skull Sorcerer, Nadakhan, and then the Chen/Clouse duo.

When I say darkest, I don't mean evilest. Pure evil would be evil just for the sake of being evil, and we have the Overlord for that. No, when I mean darkest, I'm talking about which villain is the most....well, dark. Which villain just makes your skin crawl the most due to how fucked up they are. That's what I mean by dark.

So, lets start off by talking about his various war crimes.

So, lets start off with his treatment of Zane, one of the most beloved characters in the entire community. Upon learning of Zane's ice power, he was willing to go out of his way to obtain them in whatever way possible. He then made Zane lose all of his memories, and manipulated him into becoming the Ice Emperor, who then went on to commit atrocities that Zane would never even think of doing, even in his darkest of thoughts. He took Zane, the kindhearted, heroic, and lovable Zane, and turned him into an evil dictator emperor.

Now, lets talk about what happened after that.

I do not blame Zane for anything that happened while he was the Ice Emperor because he was under the influence of Vex, and the Scroll which had corrupted him. While Vex had Zane under his control, he manipulated him into committing FUCKING GENOCIDE, both attempted, and actually committed. Vex succeeded in killing off the entire Yeti species besides Kraig, who was the only yeti alive after the murder. He attempted to murder the entire People of Great Lake by putting out their fire, and having them starve/freeze to death. If it wasn't for Kai, they would have probably slowly frozen to death. Aside from that, he also overthrew the current monarchy, and basically enslaved them (Blizzard Samurai, Blizzard Warriors), he held both Akita's brother and Lloyd hostage in the freezing cold dungeon, (he was originally going to kill Lloyd) and he also tried to manipulate the monarch before him, Grimfax, to attack the innocent Formlings.

All because of his paranoid delusions.

Now lets move onto his motivations. Vex, as you know, is formless. He abandoned his people, the Formlings, some time prior to not finding his form. He was driven mad by his insecurity, falsely believing that his people had begun to turn their backs on them, and he abandoned them some time after. He swore "revenge" on his people, despite them not actually hating Vex, and stopped at nothing to get that revenge. Before he tried manipulating Zane, he tried his hand at Grimfax. Luckily, he refused.

Lets just unpack this...

There is no doubt in my mind that the events of season eleven severely traumatized Zane. All of what I mentioned above (except for that last paragraph) was technically committed by Zane, who was being manipulated by Vex and the Scroll. Absolutely nobody would come out of that unscathed, especially someone of Zane's character. Zane's character has been established from the very beginning as the soft spoken, kindhearted ninja who's main goal in life is to protect others who cannot protect themselves. This character had his memories forcibly erased, and was forcibly corrupted by an evil scroll and "royal advisor" who then forced him into committing all of what I listed above. It's just not realistic or even possible for Zane to come out of that completely 100% fine. It's honestly a shame that Ninjago really didn't touch on that much after season 11 ended. It would have brought forth a great character development opportunity, and it would have provided a much more realistic aftermath to the season.

There's also no doubt in my mind that this would have been traumatizing for the other ninja as well. I mean, imagine having to see one of your loved ones being manipulated into being a horrific monster, who was responsible for some of the most horrific events you had ever heard. It would certainly fuck with your psyche at least a little bit.

However, back to Vex...

Vex (very possibly) gave so many people severe trauma. I mean, he enslaved the people working under Grimfax, the ruler who came before the Ice Emperor, he corrupted Zane against his will, he killed off Kraig's family in one night, leaving him completely alone, he terrorized the entire area for DECADES, and he launched a huge attack on the people of the Lake Village.

In conclusion, Vex no shit severely damaged and traumatized an innocent fucking nindroid with a heart of pure fucking gold, by erasing his memories, and manipulating him into committing fucking atrocities such as GENOCIDE AND SLAVERY all because of his thirst for revenge, that was sparked by a paranoid delusion based off of pure insecurity. Vex is by far the darkest, and in my opinion, one of the most evil ninjago characters/villains in the entire show. I am not at all surprised as to why the fandom hates him, I do as well.

Anyways, that was my analysis on Vex and his character. If you would like to add anything or criticize me, please talk with me in the comments or DMs! But please be nice, and please use tone tags! I am very sensitive, and I can't read tone over text that well!!

#lego ninjago #ninjago #ninjago season 11 #ice emperor #ninjago vex #character analysis #zane ninjago #zane julien

[ohsolonelyghosts]

I'll do it for you then.

Characters: Modern AU Businessman!Kylo Ren x reader

Word Count: 3,665

Note: Welcome to my first Tumblr fic! I felt it was finally time to pursue writing on this website, and who better to start it off with than Mr. Kylo Ren? This is a bit longer than I actually intended, and I just got carried away! I actually really love how this turned out.

Contents/Warnings: NSFW, degradation, some choking, some orgasm denial, ever-so-slight daddy kink, unprotected sex

Kylo worked late into the evening. Usually, it didn’t bother you much, you quite enjoyed having your shared apartment to yourself in the evenings. You didn’t have to hear about what show your boyfriend wanted to watch, always managing to steal the remote from you when you were super into a show or movie. So, what was the issue with you tonight? The two of you had a pretty basic agreement, you weren’t always affectionate to each other all the time. A bit of cuddling at night in bed, a kiss in the morning before the two of you went on your ways, and that was enough to satisfy the both of you. If you were sick, he would manage to let down a little more of the manly wall he portrayed, always climbing into bed with you and staying with you the entire day if he could.

The one time you both were helplessly attached at the hip was in the bedroom, unable to ever get enough of each other. Breathless and coated in layers of sweat, Kylo’s shoulders glistening in the dim room. You could feel your lower half starting to work itself just as hard as your head was. Leaning your head back against the couch cushions, you could no longer focus on the show you were oh-so-excited to watch when you arrived home. You slipped a hand between your thighs, resting on your clothed crotch. Thoughts overtook you, rubbing small circles to tease yourself, holding back whimpers. That must have been why you were pondering when the hell he would be arriving home. You were hungry for him.

“Doll?” A voice called out from the other room. It snapped you out of your thoughts of being pounded into from behind from an animalistic Kylo Ren.

Clearing your throat, you called out, “I’m in here!”

You looked past the couch, seeing your lover waltz into the kitchen, setting his bag on the counter. You pulled your hand from yourself, as if nothing was happening before you heard his voice. Rising from your seat, you mosied your way into the kitchen to join him.

“Hi, my love,” you greeted, a soft tone in your words. He gave you a half-nod, it was his way of a silent greeting. A lot of the communication between you two had happened to be silent. He was oddly quiet, usually he would be going off about his day by now, interrupting you. You looked at him as his bag was unzipped, fiddling with his things. He must have had a long day. Your eyes moved to his hands, admiring them quietly. You loved the way they curled around your jaw, your throat as you begged him to fuck you senseless.

Feeling a glare piercing through your body, your eyes wandered up to his face. Kylo had some sort of puzzled look playing upon his face as tilted his head to look at you.

“Why are you staring at me like that?” He asked quietly, zipping his bag back up and pushing it away from the two of you. Kylo let out a breath, you were still halfway in your thoughts, trying to think of a way to muster up some sort of statement as to why you were just watching him.

“You’re handsome,” you mused back at him, innocently batting your eyelashes. You were going to try to play your cards right so that he would catch on to what you were trying to get him to do. Kylo huffed out a laugh, bringing a hand to your cheek. His thumb roamed over your cheekbone, a small smirk on his lips.

“Real cute, doll,” Kylo nodded back at you, removing his hand from your cheek. The fire in your veins was threatening to make you combust. You nearly whined at the loss of contact from him, coughing it out. This earned yet another puzzled look from him. At this point, you couldn’t tell if he was messing with you or not. Could he not see how desperate you were needing his touch? For him to strip every item of clothing off of you right there and fuck you into oblivion?

“I had an incredibly long day at work today,” he mentions. There he was, back to fiddling with that stupid work bag. “Trying to close this deal with another company, I’ve been bargaining as much as I could, but they don’t like Pryde.”

Pryde was his business partner and he had become pretty close with the guy. They were a dangerous pair, Kylo did most of the talking to clients, trying to set up endless deals with them. Pryde did most of the emails and got the meetings set up in the first place.

Kylo continued to go on about his day, but something about him was making it so you could not focus one bit. He enjoyed that you were a good listener, always wanting to hear what he had to say. You instead were focusing on the way his torso looked in that shirt he was wearing. It was one of your favorites, you even picked it out for him. You nodded along when you could pull yourself out of your thoughts long enough to pretend you were paying attention.

“Why don’t they want to work with Pryde, dear?” You asked him softly, raising your eyebrows. Even if you didn’t necessarily hear what he was saying all the way through, it was important you asked him questions when he fell silent. You heard a chuckle, followed by the word “pathetic” and your heart dropped out of your chest.

Once again, Kylo’s hand was on your face, angling your jaw to look up at him. His eyes scanned your face, the forced eye contact always put you under pressure. Ren’s mouth opened as if he was going to say something to you, and shook his head as he let you go.

“If you paid attention to anything I had just said, you would know why. I explained the whole thing to you. What else could you possibly have been thinking about?”

That was the next thing about Kylo, he had such a temper, it was hard for you sometimes. If you misheard one thing on a bad day, it could send him over the edge. In a way, it did get you all flustered, he was hot, and when he was grumpy or upset it made him ten times as hot.

“I’m sorry, Kylo, I don’t know how I didn’t manage to hear it,” you breathed out, looking at a mildly grumpy version of your boyfriend. He once again asked you to spit out what you were drifting off to think about. Shaking your head, you refused to let out those thoughts that got you so worked up.

“Doll, I’m going to ask you one more time,” Ren practically growled out. His voice was an octave lower than it usually was. He was so stern, and you loved every bit of his current attitude. “What is it that’s distracting you so fucking bad?”

This was it, you couldn’t get away with it past this. Your next words could either end the night in a ruthless fight, or some incredibly rough sex. You cleared your throat, and thoughts. Eyes meeting a very unenthused Kylo.

“Well,” you trailed off, looking away from him. You could never stand it when he would make you speak your mind, especially when it was about something dirty. The way you were acting should have been enough to make him know what you were on about. “Thinking about the way you fucked me last night. The way you made me see stars and the way I couldn’t walk afterwards.”

That had to be enough pleasing words for him to fuck you now, shouldn’t they have been? Kylo should have now known what you wanted tonight.

You’re met with a stifled laugh, and then his warm lips crashing on yours. He mumbles something into your mouth that sounds like the word “cute” as he bites gently at your lower lip. You move both of your hands up to either side of his face, deepening your kiss. Moaning softly at his tongue entering your mouth, his hands find their way to your hips. Kylo lifts you from underneath your thighs, moving you up on top of the island.

“Why not be open about it, doll? Do you get off on making daddy mad? Get off on any sort of punishment, because it’s attention?” His words became mumbles as he trailed kisses all around your jaw and neck. You became practically helpless under his touch as shuddering from his fingers moving under your shirt.

“No sir, I just was thinking about it and wanted to listen to you speak,” you mumbled out pathetically, watching him pull away from your neck. You whined a bit at him for loss of contact once again. His hands are placed on either side of you on the island. Even if you wanted to escape, there was not an exit you could take. The way Kylo looked at you, you knew he wanted to laugh in your face.

“You’re so fucking stupid when you look at me like that, all pathetic. Wipe that face off of your head,” he growled at you. You sucked in a breath, looking down at the ground. He loved talking down at you, especially when you wouldn’t listen to him. Admittedly, you loved it more than you could ever say to him.

You didn’t say anything in retort to him, you were terrified of what he could do to punish you. He looked extremely sexy, all worked up, lips slightly swollen in an ever-so-slight smirk. Kylo’s lips returned to your neck, biting and sucking at the skin, making their way up to your earlobe. He nipped gently at your ear, causing you to moan softly out to him. He tugged slightly, kissing below your ear and moving his way back down to your jaw, then back to your neck.

“Let’s get this off, should we?” He asked, it was a rhetorical question, but you desperately wondered what would happen if you had said no. You swallowed hard, playing on the consequences for a moment.

“What if I don’t?”

Your words rang out, your boyfriend’s face contorting once again to that confusion he first met you with earlier. He wasn’t used to being told no, you always did everything you could for him. He drank in your words, you could practically see the gears turning so he could process it.

Kylo nodded once, and stayed silent. He swooped you up almost effortlessly, taking long strides to the shared bedroom between you two. Your boyfriend dropped you on your bed, a hand to your neck as he pushed you backwards. He squeezed just enough for your hand to move up and grip his wrist, digging your nails into him. It was his turn to suck in a breath at the slight pain. You were sure you could draw blood if it got really catty between you two tonight.

“If you don’t want to do it,” Kylo’s voice finally rang out to you after all this time. He leaned down to your ear, his breath warm. “I’ll just have to do it for you.”

Without a second thought, he moved your arms above your head, making sure to rip off your shirt. He threw it onto the ground, letting it pool at his feet.

“I have a hard day at work, I look forward to coming home to be with my little girl, and she leads on that she wants me back, just to be a little bitch when I want to fuck her the way she wants.”

He sounds irritated with you, but you know he’s just playing it off. You know Kylo cannot resist the way you look when he tugs your shorts down your legs, letting them end up like your shirt. He looked over to your bedside table, back to you, and then opened it. You watched him rummage around before pulling out your vibrator. Your eyes widened a bit at him, eyebrows furrowing together.

“Dear, what’re you doing with that?” You questioned, squeezing your thighs together. You knew, or at least had a very good idea of what his plan for you was tonight, and you started to regret telling him you wouldn’t take your shirt off. Knowing what he was capable of, your mind fought with you over what would be happening if you had obliged.

Once again, snapped out of your thoughts as you hear a familiar buzzing noise. You gasped out, body jolting upwards as it hit your clothed clit. Kylo pressed your hips back down harshly, turning up the vibrator one more level. You cried out for him, unable to help squirming, attempting to get out of his grasp.

“This is what bad whores get. Take it,” he growled, eyes glaring at you. You tried to squeeze your thighs together, hips bucking up to him. Ren didn’t seem to enjoy your movements, and he wasn’t going to let up on you.

“Stop moving, or I’m going to make this a lot worse.”

His words rang out again, and this time you tried to calm your body down. The sensations on your clit were nearly too powerful, and as if he read your mind, he turned it up to the highest setting. You knew that he wanted you to squirm so that he could make it even harder on you.

You felt two of his long fingers slip into you, curling them upwards as your moans got louder for him. You wanted to arch up your back for him, show him you could take him like a good girl. You could feel his eyes peering into you, waiting for you to make one wrong move.

“Kylo, I’m really-” you stammered out, breath becoming rapid. Your chest heaved as your eyes met his. A smirk played upon his lips as he started to pump his fingers into you at a rough speed. Kylo pressed the vibrator against you even harder. He wanted you to cum, he wanted you to let loose of everything and go back to thrashing around for him.

“You want to cum? You wanna cum all over my fingers like a pathetic little slut? You’re so wet for me doll, go on, cum.”

That was all you needed, you became utterly undone as he egged you on. You practically sobbed as you came, your body almost becoming uncontrollable. He milked your orgasm, watching you as you blissfully came down. He let go of you, vibrator still buzzing in his hand.

“That was beautiful, sweet girl, but there’s something that didn’t happen,” he said, tongue peeking out and licking his lips. Your eyebrows furrowed together once again, moving yourself up on your elbows to look at him.

“You didn’t get to cum?” You asked in response, biting your lip at him. Kylo shrugged a bit, huffing a laugh out. He finally shook his head, leaving you wondering what on earth you could be missing.

He pushed you back once more, chuckling. “You didn’t stay still the whole time, doll.”

Your eyes widened once more as you shook your head in apology. “Kylo, I’m sorry, what can I do to make it better? I’ll do anything.”

“I know, my love, of course you’ll do anything,” he mentioned, dropping the vibrator on the bed next to your body. He seemed oddly innocent for the act he was just playing up not even five minutes ago. You heard his belt unbuckle and hit the floor, followed by his shirt and pants hitting the floor. This left him in his boxers only as you trembled in anticipation for what he was going to do to you.

“You’re going to take all of me like a good little whore.”

He hovered above you, his shadow nearly covering all of you. He ran the tip of his cock against your folds, pushing into you agonizingly slow. You sucked in a sharp breath, eyes fluttering shut as he got fully inside of you. You moved your hands to his shoulders, one hand to his neck to bring him down to press his lips to yours.

Kylo bit harder at your lower lip than he had before, pulling it out a bit as he began a tantalizingly slow pace inside of you. You dug your nails into his back, almost to tell him to speed the hell up. He let out a barely audible groan as he took both of your wrists off of him in one hand. Pushing them above your head harshly, restraining you to the bed. He continued with his slow, rough thrusts. He was driving you mad, helpless whines leaving your lips as his hips bucked into you.

“Kylo, faster,” you breathed out quietly, and thank god he obeyed your request. It must have been getting old quickly for him as well. Without much other warning, he began to fuck into you at an expeditious pace now. The sounds of you two moaning and groaning quickly filled the room. His free hand moved to wrap your legs around his waist, giving him a better angle to fuck you at.

You dug your nails into your palms, sobbing out for him. Tears welled in your eyes every time he met your weeping cunt. You were basking in him causing you nothing but precious unrelenting pleasure, until you felt the familiar sensation on your clit.

The vibrator.

As soon as it had touched you, you arched your back up quickly. “Fuck!” You wept out, eyes rolling back into your head. Already dangerously close to your second orgasm, you whined out for him to let him know. You heard a chuckle, just as you were on edge and about to go over it.

He stops.

He stills inside of you, he removes the vibrator from your clit. You rip your wrists away from his grasp, shooting up to his level. Your chest heaving as you unfortunately come down from whatever high you were chasing after.

“Are you fucking kidding me, Kylo?” You spat at him, just irritated that he would do that to you. It felt like he was leading you on. He looks devious, a snide smile staring back at you.

“Yeah, you didn’t think I’d actually let you cum now, did you? You didn’t obey the one very simple order I gave you earlier. So now you’ll wait until I’m ready for you to cum.”

You practically wanted to cry at that statement. He was right, you moved a ton during your first orgasm. However, in your defense he should have reminded you to keep still. Once you were sure your high was gone, that’s when he began once again, an unrelenting pace back inside of you. The buzzing sensation returned to your clit, making you tense up and arch again.

You were close again all ready, but you wondered how long your body would let you ride out pure pleasure. You didn’t want him to stop you again, so you didn’t bother mentioning just how close you were. Your strings of swears and moans once again returned to the room, hands moving to Kylo’s shoulders.

He knows just how to make you crazy, and he’s incredible at doing it. He leans down to your ear, whispering what a good whore you are for him, taking the entirety of his cock like it’s nothing. You clenched around him, which elicited a groan from his throat.

“What a good little bitch, look at you, you want me to cum inside of you? Let you take all of my cum inside that worthless cunt?” He bit at your neck, leaving marks in his trail. He groaned against your neck, pace picking up more, when you weren’t even sure you could take more.

You tightened your legs around his hips, trapping him. You could tell he was getting dangerously close, he moved back up, his hand returning to where it once was on your throat. Your nails dug at his shoulders, and you could not wait to see the scratches on his back when you two were finished.

You finally knew he was close, and you were as well. This time, you let him know, in hopes that he would finally let you come undone once again. He kept his steady pace, nodding down at you. You were both coated in sweat, bodies both glistening. Something about it made you both edge even closer.

“Go on, doll. Cum for me.”

Those were the only words you needed before your soul practically leaving your body. You screamed out for him, the waves crashing onto you so powerfully you saw stars. You could have sworn you early blacked out, your cunt clenching around your boyfriend’s cock as your road at your orgasm. Before you knew it, he was cumming too. You could feel his thick ropes coating the inside of you, Kylo letting out delicious moans as he rocked his hips into you. He almost collapsed on top of you, both of your chests heaving as you both came down from pure bliss. He pulled out of you, grabbing the shirt he dropped on the ground earlier. Kylo cleaned you both up, hearing you scoff about using a shirt instead of a towel.

“Are you seriously going to complain some more?” Kylo asked as he raised his eyebrows at you. “You should be thanking me for what I just did for you.”

You rolled your eyes as you moved up in your bed, pulling the covers on top of yourself. Kylo climbed in beside you, pulling you into his chest. You took a deep breath, kissing at his neck gently. He pressed his lips to your forehead, holding you and making sure you fell asleep before he dozed off himself.

#kylo ren #kylo smut #adam driver #oh fuck #he's hot #did not regret writing this #first fic #businessman kylo #kylo ren x you #kylo x y/n #kylo x reader #kylo fanfic #kylo ren smut #smut

[fruitcoops]

Hi, I love your blog so much! I recently got ankle lateral ligament reconstruction done, and as an athlete, it sucks so bad. I watched my basketball team play yesterday, and it felt really horrible to watch them lose by one point in overtime when I know I would have made a difference if I were on the court... I know you have lots of asks and prompts, but if you have the time and want to, could you possibly hurt me more than I’m already hurting with some angsty ankle injury stuff😩 like maybe Cap watching the Lions lose without him.

Thank you for all the awesome fics you write! Your blog is amazing!

Anon, this ask really struck a chord with me and I wanted to do it justice as best I could--going through a sports injury like that is the worst feeling in the world, and watching your teammates play without you just adds salt to the wound. Sending all the love and healing vibes your way, okay? Please keep me updated on how you're feeling if you feel comfortable <3

Combined with an ask for pre-Coops and Sirius' photo of Remus! SW credit goes to @lumosinlove

TW for canonical injury and mentioned scars (Remus)

Sirius felt a nudge at his arm and his irritation flared, but he did not take his eyes off the game. “Fucking hell,” he muttered as James missed yet another blatant pass. There’s three.

The next nudge was more insistent.

“What?” he snapped, sparing half a glance to his left and feeling his stomach swoop.

Remus raised his eyebrows and held the mouthguard out further. “Either put this in or unclench your jaw.”

You’re not my mother, Sirius almost snarked back, just to be even more of an asshole. He was cold from being at the rink without his gear, severely pissed off by the general bullshit happening on the ice, and the itch in the boot locked around his stupid fucked-up ankle was slowly driving him mad.

Remus offered the mouthguard again, and Sirius’ temper cooled by a few degrees at the soft encouragement on his face. Pretty, his brain supplied. He swallowed hard around his sudden dry mouth and shoved the plastic between his teeth, beating back the unruly emotions with a mental baseball bat. Nope. Not tonight. Focus on being angry.

Logan got distracted, and Finn paid the price as an enforcer slammed him against the boards; he bounced back immediately, but Sirius ground the mouthguard so hard it squeaked. “Tabarnak—”

“Come with me for a sec,” Remus said, raising his voice just enough to be heard over the angry shouts of Lions fans.

Sirius shook his head. What he wouldn’t give to be in the heart of the fight, letting off some of the steam that had been building with no outlet for weeks. “Game’s not over.”

Remus pressed his lips together, but said nothing; Sirius’ throat constricted as he looked at the scoreboard. There may have been three full minutes left on the clock, but the Lions had already lost—unless they pulled a miracle out of their asses, this game would be a stain on their record. Or if they just let me play.

Sirius sighed through his nose. The urge had been growing stronger the longer he stayed cooped up and restless, banging at the walls of his brain and bringing headache after headache.

“Cap.” The hand on the back of his bicep was surprisingly gentle and he closed his eyes as Remus gave him a light tug. “Come on. We can at least be productive instead of sitting here and stewing.”

He smells nice. How does he always smell so nice? Sirius stood and followed Remus down the tunnel, not even bothering to force smiles for the people pounding on the glass partitions. Don’t focus on the game.

Focus on his shoulders, something close to his heart suggested. You like his shoulders.

He scrunched his nose up at the thought—if he dwelled on the smooth, strong curve of Remus’ upper back for any longer, he would start remembering the one time he saw them bare, covered in sweat with scars that shone like moonlight and—

“Are you okay?” Remus asked, snapping him back to reality. Sirius jumped and concern flickered over the golden planes of his face. “You’re twitchy tonight.”

“Just…” He made a vague, aborted motion toward the ice before continuing toward the PT room, though he did not miss the worried look Remus shot him. Fantastic, now I look like a dick and an idiot.

“What’s going on, Sirius?” The door clicked closed behind them and Remus leaned against it with his arms crossed loosely as Sirius limped over to the table and sat down, pulling the mouthguard out. He stared at the floor and the hunk of plastic—don’t think about how nice his voice sounds around your name. Don’t.

He shook his head; through the door, the sounds of the game were faint. “They’re better than this.”

“Yep.”

“They’re all going to be angry tomorrow, which makes them sloppy.”

“Probably.”

“Coach will be upset.”

“No question.”

“It’s the Badgers.”

Remus made a face. “I know, right?”

“They’re a good team, but—” He tightened his jaw again and looked away.

“But we’re better,” Remus finished for him.

“Yeah.” Silence fell between them for a few moments, though it wasn’t uncomfortable. Being quiet around Remus was never uncomfortable, and Sirius was pathetically grateful for every scrap of it he could get. “I—the game would be different if I was out there.”

“Would it?”

“It would.” He had been going over every mistake for two and a half hours, placing himself in like a chess piece to stop the missed passes, fumbled pucks, and thoughtless plays. “They need me with them.”

The paper crinkled as Remus sat down next to him, and every one of Sirius’ senses went on high alert. “They need to you get better,” he said simply, those caramel-apple eyes making Sirius’ knees go weak. “Have you been doing your exercises?”

“Of course,” he scoffed.

“Good.” There was no defensiveness or indignation in Remus’ voice—guilt snapped, a firecracker behind his teeth.

“Sorry.”

Remus smiled wryly. “When you’re around injured hockey players all day long, you get used to a little bit of bitchiness.”

“I’m not bitchy!” Sirius spluttered. The poorly-concealed amusement on Remus’ face made mortification heat his cheeks. “I’m not!”

“Uh-huh.” The note of smug disbelief should not have been as attractive as it was. “Alright, lay down.”

Sirius swore he heard a few crackling noises as his brain short-circuited. “Quoi?”

“I’m not kneeling on freezing linoleum to check out your ankle, Cinderella,” Remus snorted. “Now get a wiggle on.”

“You have the strangest sayings,” he said as he laid back and stretched his leg out, bewildered and yet somehow relieved.

“And you—” Remus pulled the top buckle free. “—have no appreciation for the great American north.”

“I can take it off,” Sirius mumbled, feeling redness rise once again.

He cocked an eyebrow. “The boot? I might not be a muscle-bound athlete, but I’m pretty sure I can manage a couple strips of Velcro.”

“No, it’s—doesn’t touching people’s feet freak you out? Like, the sweat and everything?”

“If it did, I’d have to find another profession, because I’m damp all the time from you fuckers and you all seem to have a habit of breaking things below the knee. Bend.”

Sirius complied, drawing his knee toward his chest. His bare foot looked weird in the bright lights, pale and still swollen, but Remus was as golden as ever. You can watch from afar, he conceded when the cute little furrow appeared on Remus’ forehead while he felt around the bone. Just for a little while. “Your hands are warm,” he said before he could stop himself.

Remus glanced up, and his small smile caused a flood of butterflies in Sirius’ stomach. “Thanks. They’re usually pretty cold, so I’m glad I’m not accidentally giving you foot hypothermia.”

“Is that real?”

“No,” Remus laughed. Sirius wished he could keep that sound forever. “How’s that feel?”

“Uh, fine.” He blinked a couple times to come back to himself as Remus put light pressure on the sole of his foot. “Still fine.”

“You’re a lot more flexible than before. Things are healing well.”

A loud buzzer went off outside—Sirius closed his eyes as disappointment and frustration fired up once more. The crowd wasn’t cheering. The windows weren’t shaking. He didn’t even want to look at the TV to check the score. I should be out there, he thought for the umpteenth time. I’m letting them down.

“I’m sorry,” Remus said quietly as he worked through a few more exercises.

“Not your fault.”

“It’s not yours, either.”

Sirius wanted to believe him. “I’m the captain.”

“And you’re being responsible by doing this with me so you can heal faster.” People rushed past the door outside, but the PT room remained peaceful. Sirius stared at the plain ceiling and wished for a miracle. “They miss you.”

“Y’know, that’s not exactly making me feel better.”

“Sorry.” They lapsed back into silence. “Do you want to talk about it?”

“No.”

“Cool.”

Sirius chewed the inside of his lip for a solid two minutes, following Remus’ simple instructions without looking at him. He should have been out there with them, ankle be damned. It was basically healed anyway; they were just tying up loose ends, and maybe Remus needed to be a little less careful. “Is this really necessary?”

“I’m gonna give you five seconds to ask a different question.”

“I’m just saying, it feels fine and—”

“Time’s up.” Remus let go of his foot and Sirius only spared a moment to mourn the loss of his comforting touch before he caught the stormy, mulish stubbornness that took the place of Remus’ concentration. “Sit.”

“I am.”

He narrowed his eyes, and Sirius dragged himself upright with a huff. Arguing with Remus Lupin was about as useful as arguing with a brick wall, and that was coming from someone who won the ‘Most Stubborn’ superlative at their last end-of-year party. “First of all, ankles are annoying and the soft tissue will still be damaged even if the bone is healed. Second, it’s my job to fix you up so your boys stop whining to me about healing you faster. And third, I’m not giving up on you.”

Sirius paused for a long moment. “What?”

“I’m not giving up,” Remus repeated. His jaw set and he made direct eye contact. “I would love nothing more than to kick Snape in the kneecaps and let you go out there as soon as you can stand on your own, but that’s not what I’m here for. I’m here to make sure you’re ready to kick ass and take names no matter what that little shit was trying to do. So don’t you dare sit there and try to chicken out at the finish line, because I know you want this even more than I do.”

In his chest, Sirius heart was hammering like he had just run five miles. I’m not giving up on you. Sirius had never wanted to kiss him more. “Thank you.”

Remus softened with a slow breath. “We’re in this together, Sirius. You and me.”

“I know.”

“Then let’s get to work. Next time you play the Badgers, make ‘em regret this game.”

--------------------------------

Sirius walked back toward the locker room feeling rather nauseous. The whole team leaked their bad moods into the air—Arthur had barely looked at them before sending them home with a quiet “we’ll talk more tomorrow”, the equivalent of an arrow through Sirius’ heart. I need a pick-me-up, he thought as the rest of the guys trooped out in a melancholy raincloud. He fist-bumped each of them, per tradition, but their responses were weak at best.

Ice cream sounded good. Maybe a milkshake. Oh, who was he kidding, he needed a solid hug and something other than ice to look at. Not for the first time, he contemplated getting a dog, just so the house wouldn’t be empty and dark when he returned.

Laughter rang out ahead and Sirius inhaled sharply, letting the sound roll over him. “I’m not kidding!” Moody chuckled.

“Bullshit,” Remus countered, still snickering. “There is no way—”

“I’ve been around here longer than you’ve been alive, kid.”

“Yes, yes, I know,” Remus groaned, though Sirius could hear the smile in his voice even from around the corner. “You only bring it up every goddamn day.”

“Brat.”

Sirius entered the room just in time to see Remus playfully knock the side of his foot against Moody’s; both were grinning. “Isn’t it past your bedtime, old man?”

Moody nodded to him. “Night, twelve.”

“A demain,” Sirius called, offering a slight smile as his eyes lingered on Remus. He was leaning back against the wall with stick tape in his hands—his hands, which never failed to make Sirius throw caution to the wind—and raised it in farewell. “See you, Loops. Thanks again.”

“No problem, Cap.”

He grabbed his duffel off the floor and slid his keys, wallet, and phone into his pockets as Moody and Remus resumed their conversation. He wondered how long they usually stuck around, and if they would oppose him staying—he wouldn’t interrupt, but being around people who weren’t going through the five stages of grief already felt nice.

An idea struck as Remus’ laugh raised goosebumps on his arms once again. With a careful glance over his shoulder, he slipped his phone out and snapped a picture before hurrying off toward his car. His breaths were shallow; that was such a creepy move, and surely one of them noticed—

No voices chased him. Nobody gave him strange looks. He waited until he was safely in the front seat of the car before unlocking his phone, and all the air in his lungs left in a rush.

The photo was perfect. It caught the lopsided tilt to Remus’ mouth, his slender-but-strong fingers, his long legs, the scrunch of his nose mid-laugh. Everything Sirius never let himself look at for long. He didn’t have much space left among the collection of paper memories on his dresser, but maybe if he put it in the back where nobody would see it unless they knew where to look…

He turned the car on. Later. He would print it out and deal with the taut rubber-band-ball of feelings later. Until then, he could settle for the imprint of Remus’ warmth taking away the pain in his ankle and the determination on his face as he promised to bring Sirius back from the personal hell he was living in. You and me, he had said, and Sirius wanted nothing more than to believe it.

#fanfic #my fic #sirius black #remus lupin #alastor moody #james potter #logan tremblay #finn o'hara #sweater weather #coops #injury #pre-coops #lumosinlove

[george-fabian-weasley]

if we had 5 more minutes — f. w.

Summary: You thought you could save Fred from the rumbles of falling stones; you did your best, only to be in the rumbles with him instead.

Words: 2,160 words

Warnings ⚠ : ANGST, TW: Death, TW: Battle of Hogwarts, TW: war, TW: injuries, Fred died, you died, big Pain™, I strongly suggest tissues and a dozen of comfort chocolates, I cried so you will too, Basically An Emotional Rollercoaster, Read At Your Own Risk

Disclaimer: inspired by Billie Eilish's cover of The End of The World, so... ya'll know this is going to be a painful ride. Buckle up your seatbelts and enjoy. Reblogs and Comments are Highly Appreciated! <3 p/s: reading this with the song at the background really helps with the tear pouring effect ;)

Disclaimer 2.0: i know what yall are thinking... what tf is syaf doing, posting a fic when she’s in a hiatus she just posted yesterday? Also where is mad hatter chap 5 and epilogue? well, my brain likes to conjure up ideas at very inappropriate times (like rn) so bare with me and uh i’ve been really physically and mentally exhausted from work (retail is bathshit crazy) to write the mad hatter series so idk when will i update the two chapters but i’m working on it! thank you for being patient, and im sorry for causing you guys to wait for so long, ilysm don’t kill me <3 

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The end of the world.

The Battle of Hogwarts looked like the end of the world. Curses and spells thrown left to right, different kinds of bodies found at each corner and crook, walls here and there crumbling as down as hope for freedom. And blood.

At that point of time, the pools of blood on the floor look the same; pureblood or not. Because they bleed the same anguish red.

You didn't need to see the apocalypse of the world anymore. Screw the end of Mother Earth; this battle in front of your eyes was more than enough — sadly — to be your end of the world.

“Hey,” You called, causing Fred to turn his head around to your direction, his lips etched up a smile before replying with another hey. You sat next to him, the place where George had sat before he got up and left to speak with Professor Lupin.

Evil is winning, and good is losing. But then again, what difference would it make; if good kills as many as evil? At the end of the world, there is no good and evil alone. There are desperation, madness, and hunger for power, lust for victory brought along with them.

So, at the end of the world, you chose to be side by side with your lover, Fred Weasley. The red-headed dork you’ve taught yourself to pour your love into had become the very source of your life. He is your elixir, he is your soul, heart, and happiness.

It was silent for a while, none of you had anything to say. Yet the silence was comforting, with only the presence of each other as calming as it is. “Y/N,” Fred suddenly turned his head to you, biting his lower lip in contemplation. “Hm?” “Can you just stay at the Burrow?” 

You blinked, “What?” Fred sighed, “Can you just stay at the Burrow right now and not join the war? I- I don’t want you to join in-” “Fred-” “I-It’s dangerous and it’s literally a war a-and I don’t want you to get hurt I would- I would rather die than have you hurt-” 

“Fred!” You raised your voice, your hand clasping onto his securely, an effort to calm his frenzied thoughts. He stopped rambling and stared at you with those doe eyes you adored so much, “You know I can’t do that.”

“We need everyone on board for this war. I am no exception- bloody hell, even your parents are joining in, Freddie!” You tried to explain slowly, and Fred closed his eyes in denial of defeat. 

“I love you,” he suddenly blurted out. He noticed the slight fluster you had, your eyebrows were raised for a millisecond before they furrowed upon a realization, “Wait, why are you saying this now? I-“ “I love you, Y/N,” he repeated himself and you shook your head, realizing what he was doing, “Wait, hold on a minute, no-“

He was saying it in case anything happens.

“Y/N, I love you-” “Don’t you dare say it one more time like you’re not gonna make it, Fred Weasley, I swear to Merlin,” You cut him off, your jaw clenching at his absurdness. “… Aren’t you gonna say it back?” Fred asked, his voice was small.

“I-” You sighed, “No, I won’t because I don’t want to say it right now, given the circumstances,” You paused, your voice quieting down, “It felt like a goodbye when you say it like that.” “Then when will you say it? We’ve been dating for almost a year and you'd never say it before,” He said.

“Really? This is the time to argue about this?” You gave him a pointed look, but your expression softened as you understood the meaning behind his actions. “Look, Freddie, I- You know how I feel about us,” You sighed, looking down at your hands on your lap, “You know I’m not that expressive with my words but- but I’m trying and- okay, let’s make a deal,” Fred’s ears perked up the mention of a deal. "I'm listening," he drawled.

“I’ll say the words when the war is over,” Fred gave you a sour look that clearly said ‘really?’ and it caused you to huff a smile, “Once everything is over, and everything is okay again, I’ll say them as many times as you want me to, okay?” Fred leaned into your touch as you cupped his cheek with your hand, kissing his forehead.

“Even if I made you say it a thousand times?” He asked and you chuckled, your heart warming at his childlike question, “I’ll say it for an hour if you asked me to.”

It happened so fast.

One second you were fighting off the Death Eaters with Percy and Fred, and then the other, you find your body aching at the major pressure from the rocks and debris that used to be Hogwarts’ protective wall from the outside world.

It was dark, and it was dusty, but you were too unconscious to notice. That was until you felt your cheek being patted a few times. As you gained consciousness with a cough or two, you also gained the pending pain spreading all across your whole body. You couldn’t feel your legs, or safe to say your whole lower body part. 

Memories of you a few moments ago trying to push Fred away from the rumbles but ended up facing the falling stones head-on with him instead began to flow back into your mind. How foolish could you be to act like a hero, as if you could sacrifice yourself for him to live.

“… Y-Y/N…”

You turned your head with a silent grunt, and your eyes fixate at the body beside you, a few feet away, Fred. 

He had blood leaking from his nose and ears, probably from the impact, and his face was dusty with debris from the stones. As he looked at you, he threw you a smile; a weak, hiding the fact that he’s in immense pain kind of smile.

“F-fancy seeing you here,” he grunted with a wince, a smile nevertheless rested on his lips. “Fred…” you could only mutter his name, closing your eyes for a brief second at the growing pain on your thighs. The pressure from the rumbles had slowly increased, and you felt yourself losing consciousness again. Only to be brought back to open your eyes as Fred poked your cheeks a few more times, “Hey, hey, s-stay with me, love.”

“We’ll… We’ll be okay.”

You winced at the trickling sensation on your skin as you tried to move your fingers towards him, “It’s… It’s impossible, Fred…” You voiced out, your voice cracking up. You saw Fred’s lips quivered before he threw you another comforting smile, “Don’t… Don’t say that. We’ll make it… I-I know we will.”

“We… We will?”

Groaning from the injuries on his body as he tried to move closer to you, he nodded, “We will.”

You felt his fingers trying to reach for yours, and you handed him assistance as you hooked your fingers with his. His hand was cold, trembling. But it was Fred’s. And Fred’s hand is always warm.

“It’s… It’s so heavy,” You whimpered in pain, looking at Fred for comfort. All Fred wished to do at the moment was to be strong enough. Strong enough to push off these rumbles pressing onto his body. Strong enough to pull you out from the pain. All he wished for was for you to not be in pain anymore. But he knew he couldn’t do anything. The rumbles were too big, too heavy, and it would take a while for anyone to find them at the bottom of everything. 

Fred breathed out heavily through his mouth, slowly finding it difficult to breathe through his nose anymore, trying his best to look strong for you, “Stay with me, love. S-stay with me. Five more minutes. F-five more minutes and they’ll- they’ll save us…”

“Fred…”

“Five more minutes, I promise…”

You saw the desperation in his eyes, trying his best to somehow keep you afloat until you two are saved. You heard muffles from the other side, Percy screaming for Fred and you. His screams were sad and painful to hear; you would’ve cried for him if it wasn’t for the constant high-pitched ringing in your ears.

“Fred, h-hold my hand. P-please,” You whispered, finding no more strength to say anything louder than a whisper. He instantly intertwined your fingers with his, stretching as far as he could to reach you; no matter how screeching the pain in his lower body was.

“Fred,” You called him again. He chuckled a bit, “You’re… you’re saying my name a lot of times right now, darling.” You huffed a smile, the corner of your lips twitched, “… I want to ask you something.”

“… Anything.”

Your eyes met his, even in the darkness, his eyes still managed to look so beautiful. So earthly beautiful. “… Are you happy, Freddie?”

There was something about the way you say it, Fred couldn’t get a touch of what it was but… it felt like a goodbye. As much as Fred hated to admit, he wasn’t holding on much longer either. He was bleeding heavily from everywhere, his wand was out of his reach, and his body was starting to numb. His vision began to blur by itself, hence he blinked his eyes repeatedly. Trying his best to see your features clearly, one last time, if the worst happens.

This is it, he thought. This is the end of my line. 

Finding an urge to cry, but didn’t have enough strength to sob, Fred let out a tear or two onto the dusty surface he laid his head on, his eyes closing after the content stare of your beautiful— though bloody and dusty— face. How ironic, he’s slipping away first even though he was the one who said five more minutes.

If only you had five more minutes.

“W-with… With you? Heh, always… “ The whisper coming out from his mouth caused you to narrow your eyes at him. It felt strange, it felt wrong. Was he saying goodbye? Watching Fred close his eyes was alarming, so you gained all your strength to pat his hand a few times, “H-hey, Freddie… Five more minutes. Hang… Hang on for five more minutes, please.”

You squeezed his hand, and he naturally squeezed back, only this time it was weaker than usual. His grip on your hand started to soften, but you tightened yours desperately. The pain all over your body was partially forgotten, your only focus was on keeping Fred breathing and alive, as well as yourself. 

“I’m… I’m trying, my love… but I’m sleepy… and tired…” he mumbled, his words became slurred by time. He was on the edge, you realized that. Upon the sad realization, you bit your tongue, trying your best to prepare for the worst. “L-look at me, darling,” Your voice quivered, feeling the sandy surface on your temple as you tried to force your eyes open, to properly look at him, “Look at me.”

You knew it. He was slipping away from your fingers, and you were slipping too. It didn’t matter anymore even if Percy bulldozed his way to you now, it was too late. Simply too late. And that’s none of his faults. It’s none of his and none of yours.

Some things are just meant to be.

You took your other hand and placed it onto his cold, dirty cheek. Caressing his cheekbone gently, you gave him a comforting smile, “Fred.”

He looked at you, a faint smile on his lips. He’s at the end, you acknowledged. You widen your smile to assure him, although the tears escaping your eyes say otherwise, “… You make me happy. You make me so so happy. And I… I love you.”

“I love you, Freddie.”

With a big smile, Fred widened his eyes weakly, letting out a sigh of content as he looked at you with gentle eyes,“… Now that wasn’t so hard, now was it?“

Gentle eyes that soon hollowed empty.

“Yeah,” the dam of your tears broke down, “Took me a long time...” You squeezed his now lifeless hand, trying to find comfort and warmth from him for the last time. You smiled at Fred, whilst tears rolling down your temple slowly as if mourning the passing of your lover for you. You inched closer to him, careful not to graze your injuries, and met your nose with his.

You caressed his cheek, finally feeling yourself lose consciousness. This is it, you thought, I won’t wake up ever again. “You said we’ll be okay,” You whispered weakly, huffing a content smile on your lips. Staring into his eyes that had held so much love and pure unadulterated affection for you all these years, now empty with no trace of life, had sent you into pain more powerful than the injuries present on and in your body.

“I guess we will be, after this.”

“… You spent your last five minutes with me, huh?” You felt yourself going in and out of consciousness, and your vision blurring continuously, “Aren’t you a sappy git,” the mere whisper escaped your mouth with a sigh. The warm smile never left your lips, and the only thing in your mind was how peaceful he looked as of that moment, and you wondered if you’ll ever be in that state of peace, with him.  

“No- no- no!” someone was shouting. “No! Fred! no!” And Percy was shaking his brother, and Ron was kneeling beside them with his hand on Y/N’s head, and the pair of lovers stared at each other without seeing, the ghost of their last smile still etched upon their faces.

On our last few drags of air, we agree

I was, and you were

Happy

TAGLIST:

@multifandom-but​ @sirenswhispers​ @lilac-skies-xd​ @obsessedunicorn24​ @foggyturtleknightangel​​ @evewithluv​ @softlyqoos​ @fandoms-pizza-wifi-ym13​ @lilypad-55449​ @fiantomartell​ @hopemalfoyweasley​ @just-here-to-escape-from-reality​ @bucketandpotato​ @klausdatprettyboi​ @adoregin​ @littlechillies​ @phuvioqhile​ @sweetnspicysimp​ @wand3ringr0s3​ @harrypotter289​ @emptyporsche​ @tallyovie​  @potters-heart​ @amourtentiaa​ @lunalovecroft​ @loveboyhalo @lupinsclassroom​ @breadqueen95 @iwritesiriusly @rcwenaclaw​ @sevsbitxh​ @freds-slut​ @acosmis-t​ @colorfulprofessornickelangel​ @vote4weasleys​ @anchoeritic​​ @alluringshawn​ @cute-sidney​ @anna-banana-13​ @lostaurorax​ @emrysts​ @rosietoesy @lilgeorgie78 @prismarts @an2402lths

#fred weasley x reader #fred weasley #fred weasley fanfic #fred weasley x y/n #fred weasley x you #fred weasley angst #fred weasley fic #fred weasley fanfiction #fredweasley #frederick gideon weasley

[idontblushsrry]

Uhh may I make a request for Ouran High School Host club? Just a headcanon for how the host would react to meeting someone how is a big time animal lover. (Like they pretty much live there life like the Irwin family)

A/N: I was thinking about how I’d write this and my brain just went ‘they lost their shit at the sight of instant coffee’, so uhh I hope this is to your liking. I tried to get as much animal variety as I could even though I didn’t really touch on marine animals that much)

Warnings: Like 2 swear words (pinky promise), slight drug mention(literally so small you might not even notice it), spoilers (minor) for Tamaki’s mom

Word Count: 1292

General

So this is under the assumption that like the Irwin family, Reader (or their family) has access to a wide variety of animals (from domestic to wild)

All of them respect the passion you have for animals

While they all might have various feelings on animals (see below), they can’t deny that you truly do love animals

Your family’s sanctuary focuses on healing injured animals and rehabilitating them so they can go back into the wild

Of course, your family has many sanctuaries around the world and some focus more on conservation while others focus on research

The one closest to the school focuses mainly on conservation and as such, is massive and functions like a zoo ( in terms of having people come in and see the animals)

Anyways, the host club is very supportive and often helps you with organizing donation events

Oftentimes, your family will collaborate with them and allow them to rent out parts of the conservation center for events

Aside from the conservation center though, your family owns a few ranches and farms (not for commercial profit, although yall have sold a few animals)

The farms and ranches are relatively small scale but they make great venues for the host club and a great place for getaways/vacations

Your main house is where you keep most of your favorite animals

You have an aviary attached to your room (connected through a hallway that connects to your room) as well as a butterfly garden in the backyard

You also have an aquarium tank, 2 dogs, 1 cat, 1 snake, and a hamster that visits on weekends

You had to be stopped at some point

Tamaki

Tamaki loves animals

He was never really around animals growing up because of how sensitive his mom’s immune system is

So when he sees that you’re an animal person, he’s super excited

Like this man is already planning playdates between Antoinette and your pets/animals

You love his enthusiasm, just one small problem

It’s a little too much enthusiasm

Yes the animals are well trained, but how would you react if a 6′0 giant with long arms came barreling towards you screaming showing its teeth?

So yeah, Tamaki tends to set the animals off/ make them nervous

Because of that he’s only allowed around certain animals (ex. certain monkeys, certain birds, etc.)

He’s happy that he’s allowed around some animals but he still pouts every time there’s an animal he can’t be around

Kyoya

This man

Kyoya does not fuck with animals. Like at all

The first time the host club went to your house, you were holding a hamster and Kyoya moved back about 10 feet

When you asked him what was wrong, he just said “Rats are carriers of many of the most deadly diseases”

You told him that you were holding a hamster and that while hamsters were rodents, the worst he’d get sick with would be salmonella

He doesn’t believe you, but yeah sure whatever

For Kyoya it just gets worse after that

The first time he sees you holding a tarantula, he loses his shit

“Look how cute it is Kyoya!”

“Get that vermin away from me!”

I could go on and on about how much Kyoya doesn’t like animals (even domestic ones like cats and dogs)

He hates going to your house, but he often has to go there in order to set up events for the host club, what a nightmare

While he doesn’t care for animals, the business side of his brain can’t help but think of a marketing opportunity

Mori

Is one of two hosts that are going to be chill about it

He doesn’t feel one way or the other about animals and thinks it’s cool that you’re interested in them

Only thing is; if Honey’s afraid of your animals, he will have to ask you to leave he won’t hesitate to step in “harm’s” way

Surprisingly though, that actually makes him the chillest with your animals

Much to your surprise (and Tamaki’s sorrow), the animals love him

He just has this calming vibe that sets the animals at ease

It also helps that he smells nice and is super tall

For most of them it’s like sitting on a giant tree

He’s not really complaining though, it makes his job of protecting Honey that much easier

Honey

Oh boy

He might actually be the worst with animals

It’s not even an issue of being unable to defend against aggressive animals (Honey could probably solo a grizzly bear)

It’s just he has a very strict “cute” animal policy that changes wildly depending on his mood, the temperature, the angle of the wind, the humidity, etc.

He’s very bougie when it comes to what animals he will tolerate and what animals he will refuse to see

The general safe choices are rabbits (especially bunnies), kittens, cows, tits (the bird species), and baby animals of almost every domestic mammal species)

Him and the hamster you see on weekends are best friends

Also, you have had issues with him trying to feed the animals sweets

Explaining to Honey why rabbits can’t have carrot cake was not an easy conversation, nor was it one you thought you’d need to have

Because of how specific he is about what animals he finds cute, you likened him to a crocodile (because of how sensitive they are to temp. changes in egg)

Needless to say...he was not pleased

Hikaru

So him and Kaoru don’t really care for animals but they try to relate to you in somewhat similar but different ways

Hikaru is always trying to get you to do/recreate stunts with the animals

“Hey Y/N, we should-”

“No Hikaru”

“You don’t even know what I was gonna say”

“No you cannot use the dolphins for hoop tricks, no you cannot teach the gorillas how to roll blunts, no you cannot “bribe” the koalas with eucalyptus...”

Yeah he’s a menace

It’s mostly all in good fun though

Hikaru doesn’t really care for animals but he does find it hilarious that the animals like him more than Tamaki

Also, completely random but Hikaru definitely send you those “horse-sized duck vs duck sized horses” memes

Kaoru

Kaoru also tries to use animals on the internet to relate to you, but he’s a lot tamer than Kaoru

Kaoru is kind of like the parent who learns one thing you like and is like “that’s your entire personality right?”

Poor bby is trying his best

Anyways, whereas Hikaru tries to recreate memes, Kaoru sends you them

They range in quality and format; from top text, bottom text to “is this a ____”

At least once a day, Kaoru will send you a meme or picture of an animal with a caption that says ‘this reminded me of u :)’

It’s so endearing that you can’t even be mad about it

Haruhi

Is the only other one who’s kind of cool about the whole thing

She’s really only been around animals in the park or the occasional pet store

Growing up, she didn’t really have the time (or money) to go to the zoo, that and the fact that Ranka doesn’t care at all for animals (she thinks they’re weird and gross)

When Tamaki hears this, he works himself up into a frenzy, torn that his “daughter” has never been to a zoo (even tho he hasn’t either)

But she likes the fact that you’re so passionate about animals

At heart, she’s a scholar, so she loves learning new things she didn’t know before, she could spend all day just listening to you talk about animals

Not to mention the fact that you’re basically giving her a free informational tour  every time you see an animal

#ohshc imagines #ohshc x reader #ohshc headcanons #tamaki suoh #kyoya ootori #hikaru hitachiin #kaoru hitachiin #honey senpai #mori senpai #haruhi fujioka